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#this took me forever… i do not know why but i had such a hard time drawing them. the design is nooot that hard cmon asher </3
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"You're doing it again, aren't you?"
"...Huh?"
"My love, you're doing it again," Saeran stressed the words one by one. He pressed a warm blanket around your shoulders, likely fresh from the dryer after given that he had been doing laundry for whilst you took care of other matters. "You're pushing yourself too hard to take care of this. I know you feel obligated to do everything but you can't keep this up forever... I don't want you to burn yourself out. It's not healthy."
You pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and turned away from your laptop screen. No matter how much you wanted to look at it and get your work done, you couldn't. You couldn't take it anymore. It hurt every time you tried to rationalize what you had to do and how you had to do it.
It was way. too. much.
How could you ever get all this work done in time before it was due? There was so much riding on you, so much riding on how good you could present your plan, and so much riding on how you could craft every little detail down to the atom.
Everyone was counting on you, trusting their fate in your hand to do the right thing without a second thought, and that felt like a blessing and a curse.
It felt good to know people trusted you, and how far they were willing to go to place their confidence in you.
"Do you think I don't know that?" You retorted, then winced, upon hearing how the words sounded. It wasn't like you were angry with him. It wasn't his fault. He didn't deserve to be barked at because everything felt like it was on fire. He only wanted to remind you it wasn't okay to do this to yourself.
Not when you had been fighting your instincts for years to stop doing this to yourself whenever you felt backed in a corner with no way out of it.
You swiftly recanted those very angry words as you regretted them the second they left your lips. "Sorry, Saeran. I shouldn't take this out on you. I know you're right! I know—this isn't the way I should handle everything! I just... I don't know how else to do this! Everyone needs me to put on a strong face and do what's best for the job. I'm glad I have the respect of my coworkers, and that they believe in me to do what's best! But, I'm—"
It also hurt to know that their faith in you was what led you to take on as much as you could to make things right.
"...I'm tired."
Quietly, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders. He couldn't see it, but he could hear the sob in the back of your throat as you felt the shame and exhaustion catch up with you. You couldn't bare to look at his face, and he knew that, which is why he made sure you felt those loving, tender arms there to bring you peace.
"You can always tell them you need help, my love," he whispered, the words warm and gentle. "You don't have to do everything all alone all the time."
You knew he was right.
But, it was hard for you to confess you needed help. It was hard to say you were in too deep and over your head, and GOD. God, you sounded like Jihyun Kim when he hit rock bottom. You didn't want that. You didn't want to do what he did, nor did you want to repeat those painful shadows you tried to talk him out of before he gave up on himself.
You knew better, and yet, it was the crux of your fatal flaws, always there when you let yourself get too worked up, and you knew that falling back on old habits would only burn you.
So, why couldn't you do better? Why wasn't the road to learning how to do better for yourself a flat one, not filled with bumps and hills and mud and more obstacles? It wasn't fair, but you knew you couldn't do this to yourself anymore.
The words were tiny and faded as you croaked: "...I just want to cry first."
"I've got you, my love, cry as long as you want to," his words lulled you to let go of the stress, melting into his embrace.
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emmitaaa4 · 2 days
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“A woman is not written in braille, you don’t have to touch her to know her.”
I'm tearing up. The comment below is how Azriel would speak of Elain when xyz happens and he lets his heart pour out (and I have the evidence of course).
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She doesn’t like change and loves to love the world around her.
“Beautiful.” / “After all of this, the world needs more gardens.”
“In celebrating the traditions, even through the presents, we honor those who fought for its very existence, for the peace this city now has.”
She loves so hard she hurts herself at times and doesn't let me pick up the pieces, even though I always do it anyway.
So Elain silently cried, the tears so unending that I wondered if it was some sign of her heart bleeding out. Some sliver of hope that had shattered today--that love would trump even a mating bond.
(...)
Azriel carried Elain down, my sister silent and unresponsive in his arms. (...) Azriel, graceful as any courtier, offered her an arm (...) and led my sister toward the back doors into the garden, sunlight bathing them.
"What if" - I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden. “That is what she needs?
“I didn’t hear you.” Azriel stepped forward. “But you heard something else."
“Azriel’s hazel eyes churned as he studied my sister, her too-thin body.”
“I can help her,” said Azriel, stepping to the table as Elain silently rose.
“A seer,” he said, more to himself than us. “The Cauldron made you a seer.” / It made sense, I supposed, that Azriel alone had listened to her. / Elain blinked and blinked, eyes clearing again. As if the understanding had freed her from whatever murky realm she’d been in.
“What about Elain?” / “I’m getting her back” “Are you hurt?” She shook her head, devouring the sight of him as if not quite believing it. “You came for me.” 
Azriel still cradling Elain to his chest. (...) Rhys lunged for Azriel, taking Elain from him and gently setting my sister down. Azriel rasped, swaying on his feet, “We need Helion to get these chains off her.”
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He gently took her hand and pressed the hilt of the legendary blade into it. “It will serve you well.” (...) I have never once seen Azriel let another person touch that knife.
Az said nothing. No, he just moved toward her. “Sit. I’ll take care of it.”
 “Wait,” Azriel said, nothing but command in his voice. (...) Azriel didn’t let go. “Wait until everyone is seated before eating.”
“I’d feel bad for the mice,” Azriel muttered. (...) earning a grateful smile from Elain. (...) the light that returned to Elain’s eyes.
“Because of the shit with Elain?” Azriel stilled. “What happened to Elain?” (...) A fight with Nesta. don’t bring it up,” he warned when Azriel’s eyes darkened. Cassian surveyed the shadows gathered around Az. “You all right?” His brother nodded. “Fine.” But shadows still swarmed him. Cassian knew it was a lie, but didn’t push it. Az would speak when he was ready”
Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike.
“We won’t allow any harm to come to Elain. Rhys warded her this morning, and we have eyes on her at all times.” “Eyes can be blinded,” Nesta said. “Not the ones under my command,” Azriel said with a soft menace. Nesta met his stare, knowing he was the only one aside from Feyre who could truly understand her hesitation.
She’s stubborn like a mule but as delicate as a flower, always sad but never beaten.
“It’s already ended badly. Now it’s just a matter of how we meet the consequences.”
“Why wouldn’t I be all right?” she asked, a smile lighting up her face. I’d seen those same smiles before, on my own damn face. / Elain, it seemed, was as sleepless as me.
“Shall I tend to my little garden forever? You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to live a small, quiet life, while refusing to let me do anything greater.”
I love the way she understand what I'm trying to say without needing to hear me say it, when I can't seem to formulate anything at all.
Elain looked up at Azriel, their eyes meeting, his hand still lingering on the hilt of the blade.
Then his gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly.
He left the rest unspoken. (…) Elain's large brown eyes flickered, well aware of all that. Just as he knew she was well aware of why Azriel so rarely came to family dinners these days.
"Yes," Elain breathed, like she read the decision.
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She's probably the best thing that's happened to me.
“It’s for the headaches everyone always gives you. since you rub your temples so often.” (...) Then Azriel tipped his head back and laughed. I’d never heard such a sound, deep and joyous. Elain smiled again, ducking her head. Azriel mastered himself enough to say, “Thank you.” I’d never seen his hazel eyes so bright, the hues of green amid the brown and gray like veins of emerald. “This will be invaluable.”
It was three by the time the others went to bed. Azriel and Elain remained in the sitting room.
Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring them. As if he’d heard Elain’s sharp laugh and wondered what had caused it.
Shadows darkened his eyes, full of enough pain that (...) she understood why he stood near the doorway, why he wouldn’t go near the fire. His secret to tell, never hers.
There she was. The faelights gilded Elain’s unbound hair, making her glow like the sun at dawn.
A headache powder he kept on his nightstand at the HoW. Not to use, but just to look at. Which he'd done every night he'd slept there. Or attempted to sleep there.
He chuckled, unable to suppress the impulse. (...) Elain's mouth twitched into a smile (...) He offered a smile back.
His head went quiet.
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There is lust. There is tension. But there is also so much more.
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a-living-canvas · 23 hours
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Burnt matches
Whumpee  stirred open in his sleep. He blinked his eyes a few times as he sat up and looked at the person across the room. It's not Whumper this time…it's…
Whumpee 2!
Chained up, wearing a white shirt with eyes staring into space. The guy looked more like a ghost than a person. His shirt even had a blood stain…much more worse than Whumpee. Whumpee frowned, confused at his friend's state. Whumper separated them for the past few weeks and he never expected that they would meet like this. It's like seeing a different person now.
"Um, hello…dude?" 
Whumpee's voice echoing through the dark basement. Whumpee 2 just stayed silent, not even daring to move. What was he even scared about? It's not like Whumper is here. Whumpee moved the chain around his wrist, he tried to emit some sound to catch the guy's attention. But just like before, that creature just glued to the floor. 
Whumpee gave up. He leaned his head on the wall, closing his eyes. After that he heard the sound of the door being unlocked and opened by Whumper. Whumpee opened his eyes and to his surprise, Whumpee 2 crawled up and hugged Whumper's leg. He frowned, immediately annoyed while Whumper just smirked down at the guy and ruffled his hair affectionately.
Just like how you treat an obedient dog.
Whumper chuckled upon seeing the frustrated look on Whumpee's face. "Aww, are you jealous that I'm being all loving with him rather than you? Maybe you should just submit to me…you will get all the attention too."
Whumper leaned down and stroked the guy's cheek gently. Whumpee looked at them in disgust as Whumper kissed the guy's forehead and squeezed his throat playfully. 
So pathetic, letting someone treat you like that. 
Whumpee swore to his life that he would never break because of someone like Whumper. He would stay strong until Caretaker came and saved him. That's his promise to her. But seeing Whumpee 2 like this broke his heart, what would Caretaker say if she saw him in that condition?
"What did you do to him? What did you do that made him change?" Whumpee asked, with a slight hint of anger in his voice.
Whumper hummed, "Oh, nothing much. Just touch him here and there…you know?"
Whumpee huffed out a sigh, "Touch him with what?"
Whumper squeezed Whumpee 2's cheeks, "With the whip, hammer, shock collar…oh, and a loving touch from me. He takes it like the good boy he is."
Whumpee swallowed hard, Whumper never hurt him using those things before. He only got a few cuts on his body, Whumper drowned him once, and a few kicks and punches every time he made a ruckus. 
"Oh, don't be so surprised that I treated you much better than him. He's the one who offered to take your punishments for you." Whumper said, looking down at Whumpee 2 with a smirk. 
"And now, look at him. He's just a broken doll now, only exists to please me. His dear master."
Whumpee too stunned to make any snarky remarks like always. His eyes glued to his friend. Whumper's right, he's nothing more than a lifeless body. He wanted to yell at Whumper for being the reason he lost his friend forever, but nothing came out of his mouth.
Whumper snickered as he walked out of the basement, locking the door before leaving the two alone. Whumpee looked at Whumpee 2 with his eyes full of…betrayal?
They locked eye contact with each other and Whumpee couldn't help but feel tears burning in his eyes. That's not Whumpee 2, he's a different person now. He used to be so annoying, so cheerful, always encouraging Whumpee to do stupid things. He's also the one who used to get mad at Whumpee when he nearly gave up until that asshole separated them two.
"Whumpee 2…" Whumpee started. "Why? Why did you took my punishments for me? Do you think I'm that weak?" 
Whumpee 2 just stayed silent. He opened his mouth slightly before closing them again. His gaze fell to the ground, not having enough strength to look at Whumpee. But Whumpee ended up feeling more anger towards him. Tears streamed down his face.
"Answer me you idiot! Who asked you to do that for me?! Why are you always like this? Always think about other people rather than yourself! Do you think I would be happy seeing you like this, huh?!"
Whumpee 2 still didn't move nor say anything. Whumpee wanted to yell at him again when he saw a tear rolled down his face. Whumpee could feel his heart shattered at the sight. He pushed his knees to his chest and buried his face on it. 
"Dummy…" Whumpee muttered with a broken voice.
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penwieldingdreamer · 3 days
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A Shot in the Dark ~ Prologue
Well, welcome to my latest obsession - FBI and OA Zidan. This is a crossover between FBI, FBI: Most Wanted & Blue Bloods. Let me know what you think and if you'd like to be tagged in any future chapters.
I do not own any of the characters of the FBI Franchise and Blue Bloods, they belong to their respective owners
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Summary It's said, you'll always meet twice in life. But you never thought it be in a hostage situation with a gun pressed against your head.
Warnings: hostage situation, canon typical violence, coarse language, smut in later chapters
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The human mind is really the scariest thing of all.
Life in general is scary, and yet you step out of your home each day and face it. You imagine how a situation might turn out if you just changed one thing in your day to day life. Sometimes it’s the sandwich they didn’t have at the bakery and sometimes it’s the choice you make on the job.
“Andrew, drop the gun and let my sister go!” Detective Danny Reagan called, his own weapon trained on the former NYPD officer, voice shaking as he looked at you, seeing his own fear mirrored in your eyes. “She’s got nothing to do with this. You want me. Let the kids and her go.”
Shaking his head, former police officer Andrew O'Sullivan pushed the muzzle of his gun harder against your temple. "They are all the leverage I need to get you to do what I want."
"O'Sullivan! This is Agent Scott and Agent Bell with the FBI. Surrender your weapons and let the hostages go. We will make sure that your demands are met, but you need to let the kids and Miss Reagan go."
You could feel the tears running down your cheeks, but you knew you had to be strong for the children. Their parents put you in charge and you, as their teacher, needed to make sure they'd get out safe. “Please Mister O’Sullivan, you got me, let the children go home. They don’t have anything to do with this.”
Your heart was hammering in your throat watching your brother desperately trying to get Andrew to drop the weapon, the ground feeling like it was going to be pulled from underneath you. And here you thought it was going to be a good day today.
Five hours earlier, 9:15 Bluestone Lane Tribeca Café
"So, heard anything from tall, dark and handsome? You looked cute together."  
“Erin!”
“Mom! You’re embarrassing her.”
The lawyer grinned into her coffee mug as the three of you sat together for breakfast. "What!? I saw pictures from way back when. It's been more than four years now, just thought maybe you'd have a run in with him again."
"Nope, haven't seen him since before he started training at Quantico and you would know that. I'm practically living with dad and pop again after those idiots living above me wouldn't have smoked weed and forgot to shut off the water."
Nicky only rolled her eyes at her mother trying to play matchmaker – as always. “You should leave Y/N alone. Danny would have a field day if she came home with him.”
“Thank you, Nicky, I knew why you were my favorite niece.” You took a bite from your chocolate croissant. Usually you’d be getting the breakfast sandwich the café was famous for but today they were all out.
“I’m your only niece, so that’s not a hard feat to do.”
“Yet.” You pointed a finger at the younger woman. “And I don’t even know where he is. I’ll not be running after him and use dads resources to find him.”
“All I’m saying is that you should get laid, you can’t just stay a single workaholic forever." 
Sending your sister a disapproving look, you could see the disgust on your nieces face. She was old enough to be part of that conversation and already had one boyfriend, yet you knew she was absolutely embarrassed by her mother's choice of breakfast conversation.
"Mom! God! I'll be heading off to work or you'll start talking about dad and yourself." Nicky, so much like Erin grabbed her purse and to-go cup, leaned over to kiss her mother's cheek before she moved next to you. With her arm draped over your shoulder, she leaned in as if to whisper into your ear but still spoke at normal volume. "Don't let her bully you into looking him up. You do you, Auntie, but she's right, you need to get laid."
Slack jawed at her gall, you turned accusatory eyes on the lawyer. "That's definitely on you, Erin. You taught her to be like that."
"Well, she's definitely got that from me and she'd make a great lawyer like that."
Letting out a sigh, you leaned back in your chair.
Damn, they were right.
Quickly apologizing to God under your breath, you try to anchor yourself to your mug. It had been years since you had seen Omar. You had met him outside a bar in the Financial District, after a date had dumped her right before dessert, telling her she wasn’t worth his time.
“He’s a dick, he wasn’t going to know what to do with you anyway.”
You sat together at the bar and talked about random stuff – friends, hobbies, only things that wouldn’t compromise him as you later found out he was undercover for the DEA.
“You’re quiet, what are you thinking about?”
Blinking, you watched your sister with a small, wistful smile, something she had seen so often when you had gone out to have breakfast with Nicky and her every Saturday morning. “Nothing.” You shrugged your shoulders, but the secret smile that barely turned up the corners of your mouth was still there and the lawyer knew that one, she had seen it often enough.
Erin took a sip from her coffee, narrowing her eyes at you. “Don’t give me that shit, Y/N. It’s Tall, Dark and Handsome isn’t it?”
“Maybe.” You admitted quietly, looking down at your fingers, busy playing with the white napkin under your croissant.
“You should get Eddie to look for him, maybe he’s in town.”
Shaking your head vigorously. “No, I’ll not be looking for him. We would have seen each other, probably...maybe.”
“New York is huge, you think you’d just walk down Broadway and bam! There he is? Y/N, I can assure you, that’s not how it works.” She laughs, knowing all about it with her ex-husband Jack. “You want him, you need to look for him, he’s not just going to turn up if you snap your fingers.”
“Well, maybe I don’t want to look for him, maybe it wasn’t meant to be if I haven’t run into him by now. Or maybe he’s somewhere in D.C., happily married with 1.93 kids, living in the suburbs and chasing the bad guys.”
Chuckling, the lawyer shook her head at you. “You got it all figured out now, huh? Maybe he’s still single, thinking about that maybe with you. He was really nice when he came around for lunch that day.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me, Eddie wouldn’t shut up about him for a week straight.” Just then your phone chimed, letting you know that you needed to get ready to get to your Junior High class for their field trip to the museum. You would meet them together with their parents right in front of the museum. “Shit, I’m late! Sorry Erin, I got to head off.”
“We’re not done talking about him!” She called after you as you raced out of the cafe to the next Metro station.
An hour and a half later you remind your seventh grade students to be nice and listen closely to the lady showing you around the National History Museum. “There’s going to be a test on Monday next week, so you guys should take notes on all of this.”
A groan ripped through the hall and I knew they hated me for this. “But Miss Reagan, you said we could have fun today.” Jimmy calls from the back, a frown on his cute face. 
Giggling, you shook your head. They were still thinking it was just going to stay easier from there on out. “I did, but it doesn’t mean you guys can slack off on your school work. This is going to help you with your Science project.”
Groans, followed by sighs from your students were the end of that conversation. You and the group of thirteen-year-olds followed Mrs. Langdon as she talked about the museum, which exhibitions had already been part of the building and what was waiting for the boys and girls of Lower Manhattan Middle School. They were in the Early Adolescence stage and it was absolutely normal for them to act like that. With Nicky, Jack and Sean you had been exposed to that stage early on and you loved them for it.
You entered the Saurichian Hall of the museum, awed by the skeletons, the hairs on your arms starting to raise from the goosebumps at the imagination of having lived back in time, 66 millennia’s ago. But somehow, it wasn’t the only thing that gave you the shivers. At the entrance of the museum you had seen a guy, dressed like everyone else. But you had been around police your whole life and listened to your bothers to know that something was definitely wrong with him. His head was down but you saw his eyes darting about like he was searching for something – or someone.
Getting to the next section, you slightly turned your head away from your students excitingly listening to the tales of each dinosaur exhibited at the museum.
There he was again, the backpack slung low on his shoulders and it looked like he was sweating. Was he sick and needed help? If so, wouldn’t he have asked the people at the front desk or even stayed at home.
Danny had always told you to be vigilant about suspicious people roaming about and this guy fit the description. Should you text Danny or Jamie? They were probably busy with their cases and if he was just a creep you’d make a fool out of yourself and maybe your dad in extension.
Police Commissioner’s daughter accuses visitor at the National History Museum to be a creep and makes a laughing stock out of the Reagan family.
Now that would be the headline of the week.
Turning back to listen to Mrs. Langdon and your students with a sigh you missed him pulling out a gun from under his jacket, pointing it at your back before slightly lifting it up and pulling the trigger.
11:40, Joint Operations Center
“Alright guys, we've got a hostage situation at the National History Museum. Twenty-two students from LoMa Middle School and their teacher. This is high profile. Detective Reagan with the NYPD called it in about fifteen minutes ago.” ASAC Jubal Valentine’s voice rang out through the JOC. He motioned to Elise, one of the Analysts to put every information on the screens. “This is Y/N Reagan, she’s a teacher at the school and also the daughter of New York City Police Commissioner Frank Reagan.”
Your picture popped up on the screens, a happy smile on your face as you sat together with your father and your brother Jamie at a city function.
“You know, now that I’m done with my trainee-ship as teacher, we could make it official. Dad wants me to tag along at this function or other and I’d like to take you as my plus one.” You smiled at him, your arms slung around his neck as you lounged together on his bed.
Omar ran his fingers from your shoulder to your elbow and up again. He loved the feeling of your soft skin under his hands, slightly roughed from the army. “It would be nice, I’d love to finally show you off to my family as well. Erin has been nagging me like a hen to know who the guy is making me smile all day.” He smiled, nuzzling her neck and listening to her giggles as his nose and beard rubbed up and down against that point where her neck met her shoulder.
"I'd like that. I bet your sister isn't the only one nagging." He chuckled, burrowing closer and pushing his lower half against yours earning a soft groan from you.
Your fingers raked over his head, feeling the short cropped hair tickle the palm of your hands. “Pop and dad are already giving me those penetrative looks, you know the ones where they are acting like cops and trying to read a suspects thoughts.”
Closing his eyes, the former army ranger breathed in your scent. It was the one thing that grounded him on days his mind sent him back to Iraq. “From what you told me I’m more afraid of your brother, not your father and grandpa.”
Omar moved next to Maggie, a soft Shit leaving his lips as his eyes swept over the screens. It had been a few years since he’d last seen you, only a few days short of leaving for his training at Quantico. Seeing your face, tear track staining your cheeks with the suspect pressing his gun to your head.
The brunette watched her partner, the fingers of his left hand anxiously playing with his ring. A sign that he was nervous. A sign Maggie had learned in the beginning when they first were partnered up.
“You know her?”
He sighed, “We, ugh, we dated for a while before, before I went into training. I...broke it off, because I thought she’d be better off without me.”
“Gosh, OA.” Maggie murmured, scratching a fingernail along her eyebrow thoughtfully. She knew her partner had been in relationships before – he was Muslim, not a virginal saint, but she had never seen him this distraught or anxious. 
It was clear as day that you were still important to him and it took everything in him to not run out the door and drive off toward the museum.
"What do we have on the suspect?" Isobel questioned, coming to stand next to her 2nd in charge. 
"Suspect is 40 year old Andrew O'Sullivan, former police officer with the NYPD, 54th Precinct and bomb specialist with the Marines. Detective Daniel Reagan, Y/N’s older brother was part of the investigation against him.” Kelly Moran, an analyst at the JOC spoke up, tapping hastily on his keyboard and sending the pictures of their suspect to the bigger screens. “He took drugs from evidence and tried to sell it on the street. O’Sullivan needed it for his daughter, she has leukemia and he was going to take the money to pay for her treatments.”
The analyst pressed a key to show the picture of a little girl, maybe ten years old, grinning at the camera. “Lena O’Sullivan, she”
“His daughter died two days ago, that’s why he’s doing it. He wanted to save her from it and we took the money that would pay for her treatment. Andrew has been angry with me for a while and called me after Lena died.” A new voice sounded from behind them, strong and authoritative, yet they could all hear the pain laced into his words. “He has my sister and if you guys don’t get a move on, Andrew is going to kill them all.” Detective Daniel Reagan had made his way to the JOC, knowing he couldn’t make a move against O’Sullivan without the people of the FBI. You were his little sister and he’d be damned just sitting around at the precinct when he needed to get you to safety. More so when Erin would have his head for being the reason the former officer had you and your kids as hostages.
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mistercathat · 3 days
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hii Jude!! I remember you from my first days on Sakuverse Tumblr and I’ve loved your writings since (they make me claw at my walls (in a good way)) 🤍
can I request an Isaac x trans-male reader hurt/comfort + fluff? :]
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ꜱᴋᴇʟᴇᴛᴏɴ ʙᴏɴᴇꜱ - ɪꜱᴀᴀᴄ ʀʜᴏᴀᴅᴇꜱ ☆
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thank you sm hun <33 i do agree that the majority of isaac’s fan base is female and its really hard to find fan fics for male readers :((
i found this really easy to write considering i’m also a trans male so here you go ! :-)
he/him pronouns used and trans male! reader ❤️‍🩹
cw: body/gender dysmorphia
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a body. a body that isn’t yours. a body that doesn’t show you.
that’s all you saw as you stared at yourself in the mirror, picking at all your flaws. you stood there with just your binder and some shorts on.
turning to the side, you ran your hands down your chest. it hurt to see how you weren’t flat. it stung. even with the binder, it still wasn’t good enough. your choppy uneven hair, your face shape, your legs. it all wasn’t boy enough.
it hurt to see isaac live his life as happy as he can be with his body. meanwhile you were stuck, stuck forever in this body. you felt tears burning through your eyes as you looked to the floor. it wasn’t fair.
tears rolled down your cheeks, a blank expression on your face as you stood and felt the pain in your chest. the burning envy to see cis males living the life you want. you hugged your arms around yourself to cover the body you beared so painfully as you sobbed into yourself. it isn’t fair. why do i have to have this bo-
a knock at the door snapped you out of your thoughts. you turned to the door quickly, knowing who it was.
“pickle? are you okay?”
obviously he must of heard your sobs, he’s isaac after all.
“y-yeah just-“ you said as you sniffled and rushed to put your shirt on. “give me one second.”
you collected yourself, having a second to breathe and wipe your eyes before opening the door. isaac stood there with deep concern as you looked up at him and tried to flash a smile.
“are you okay? are you hurt?” he asked.
that must of set something off in you as the tears started again and you put your face in your arm as you began to cry.
“oh god, come here.” he said quietly, as he urged you into his arms. you hugged him tight as he rubbed your back and shushed you. you gripped onto his shirt and sobbed into his shoulder.
“what happened?” he asked.
“i’m sorry.” you said through your sobs.
isaac sighed gently and kissed your forehead as you still had your head in his chest.
“i’ve told you before, you don’t need to apologise. what’s up?” he said as he took your face into his hands and looked at you. you averted your gaze as he wiped away your tears.
“it’s stupid..” you mumbled.
“no problem is ever stupid, pickle. come on, tell me what’s up.” he held your hands gently. stroking his thumbs over them.
“i-it’s just…bad dysphoria day, i guess? i don’t know…” you trailed off. he seemed to understand and ushered you to carry on.
“i’m not a real boy, am i isaac?”
the sudden question caught him off guard.
“course you are, y/n.” he spoke.
“look.” he says as he grabs your hands, “see these arms?” he says as he lifts up your wrist and kisses it. “so strong..” he says as he kisses your other wrist then moves his hands to your cheeks.
“and this handsome face that i fell in love with.” he kissed your forehead, then moved down to your cheeks, then your nose, then your lips. you giggled into his kiss, as this isn’t like isaac at all. he wiped your tear stains away while he kissed you. he pulled away, as he put your forehead to his and closed his eyes.
“beautiful boy..” he whispered to you. you smiled to yourself from his comment.
“if you ever feel like this again, you come to me, alright?” he says as he kisses you again.
“i will.”
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HI GUYS i disappeared again oops 😟 ive been supa supa busy lately and i haven’t had motivation to write 😭
i’m so sorry this is super short i literally rushed this ill try and write a better version at some point xoxo
i hope this is okay and thank you for reading <3
-jude
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dreamcast-official · 3 months
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huh.
#eli.txt#idk i think ive been slowly forgiving my sister for how deeply hurt i felt when she moved out bc now I Get It. like I Get It#when she moved out i was. 9. and in my head i thought she had left because of me. because i wasnt the easiest kid in the world and i know-#-she had a hard time dealing with me when we were alone. we're so far apart in age we couldnt connect for most of my life. and in my head#that was the reason she left home. bc of me. bc she was tired of *me.*#i know now thats not true. and i understand now why she had to leave because if she felt the way im feeling then goddamn im glad she got ou#this feeling SUCKS. nd like#yeah this probably has to do with my father's daughter and the fact that she refused to even meet me until our dad died.#it took my dad dying for my sister to even be in the same room as me. that really messed with me as a kid. like it REALLY did.#so when my sister left home i just kinda went. oh okay neither of my sisters want anything to do with me! i will be alone forever! got it!#AND I KNOW NOW THATS NOT TRUE ON EITHER OF THEIR ENDS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP W MY DADS DAUGHTER AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL#BUT I DONT HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST HER ANYMORE BC GOD HER MOTHER WAS AWFUL AND I GET WHY SHE DIDNT WANT TO MEET ME BC OF EVERYTHING#BUT LIKE. THAT MESSED ME UP AND I JUST STRAIGHT UP ASSUMED BOTH MY SISTERS HATED ME FOR SO LONG.#AND NOW THAT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO LEAVE I CAN SEE SO CLEARLY. MY SISTER NEVER HATED ME I WAS NEVER THE REASON SHE LEFT.#I CAN LET GO OF HOW HURT I FELT BECAUSE I ALSO NEED TO LEAVE#god i dont wanna hurt my mom though.#dont think i could leave her completely alone in this apartment. i dont think i can do that.#anyway. hi tumblr did you like todays oversharing episode
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dayabot · 2 years
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be-good-to-bugs · 8 days
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itd be so cool if the shitty people in my life were not shitty and were actually slightly decent
#the bin#:/ i wanna stop feeling horrible abt shit with my sister but it makes me so angry and upset ALL the time#im so fucked up abt this. how could i not be. i guess. hhhhh. i dont know what to do. it sucks so much.#its so hard to deal with the aftermath of a deeply abusive relationship in general. and when you cant talk to anyone about it or tell#anyone who knows that person. and you have to continue to be nice or at least civil with them. probably forever.#that SUUUUCKS. she is so awful. shes always been awful. i want to heal from that experience but i feel like im still stuck#probably mostly because im literally physically stuck 1000 miles away from everyone else i know in a place where shes the only person i know#but even after that i think ill still feel so stuck. theres a lot of things she has that i really need to get from her before i do anything#that might make her mad at me. i want to delete our stupid chat full of uncomfortable shit vut thats gonna piss her off#she has a lot of pictures of me from when i was younger and those are pretty much the only pictures of me from then#i can barely even remember those years. id like to get those if i can. also i wanna see if i can convince her to delete all the weird videos#she took of me without my consent while i was having psychotic episodes bc like. what the fuck. AND i know she literally just shows them#to her friends and laughs at them bc shes told me she does. which is very upsetting. and if i can get her to delete them id feek so much#better and not be upset over that all the time#i just cant get iver how much she fucking sucks. she does so much fucked up shit and its so awful. why would she ever think its ok ti record#me when im not in a good headspace. without telling me. and then upload it to her snapchat also without telling me#i only found out about her doing that originally because she decided to show me some of the funny things people said about me on the#video i didnt even know existed and had no memory of what happened. she loves to claim shes so chill and nice and good about mental#illness and she understands it so much and would never ever do anything weird and ableist like that. and then does that.#i feel so much worse abiut myslef and all the behaviors i have caused by my myriad of mental shit specifically because of her#ugh i am so not looking forward to being in a car with her for 20 hours when i move. but thats how it has to be.
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nathaslosthershit · 2 months
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Lie Detector (Teen Dad!OP81 AU)
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(Part of the Teen Dad!Oscar AU) Summary: Oscar does a lie detector test and Lando learns some tough pills to swallow.
“So, our first media video for McLaren since the big news came out, right Oscar?” Lando said.
“Yep.” Oscar weakly responded. When McLaren asked him to do the lie detector test again, hoping to poke fun at the recent events, he was weary. He knew his team wouldn’t do anything to hurt him or his family, and it would probably be great from a PR perspective, but he was already tired of constantly answering questions. 
“Or should I call you Daddy Osc now?”
“Please never call me that.”
“So, we are doing a lie detector to try and expose all secrets the two of us may be hiding, like an entire family for example.” Lando, of course, knew about Oscar’s kids before he was exposed, but he still loved the opportunity to poke fun at him for it, even if he totally understood why Oscar did what he did.
“This time, we are using a heavy duty lie detector, with actual wires and someone to tell whether we are for sure telling the truth, instead of a toy that shocks us at random.” Oscar continued, ignoring Lando’s comment.
The words ‘Oscar tells the truth’ flashed on the screen till a wired up Oscar appeared behind the desk.
“Okay Oscar, starting off easy. Is your name Oscar Jack Piastri?” Lando was giddy as he asked, really excited to get information out of his teammate.
“Yes.” was all he responded. Truth.
“Are you originally from Australia?”
“Yep.” Truth. This was easier than he had thought, but looking in Lando’s eyes, he could see the glint of mischievousness in them.
“Are you a daddy?” 
“I am a father, yes. I don’t like the look in your eyes when you call me that.” Truth.
“Do you have any other kids you are hiding?”
“No more than the two.” Truth.
“Am I their favorite uncle?” Lando knew he had it in the bag. The Piastri twins loved him and how much he spoiled them. Their parents? Not so much. Oscar’s fiancee had time and time again argued with the amount of toys Lando would get them at random.
He did begin to sweat a little as Oscar took a little longer to answer the question. He didn’t know how to break the news to him. 
“...Yes.” Lie.
“What! Oscar? You said I was their favorite!” 
“Lando, Logan has been in their life since they were born. He established himself as the cool uncle. When I let him babysit, I always return home to them eating way too much ice cream. To be fair, I think he has trained them like Pavlov’s dogs to associate him with treats so now they get way too excited and jumpy when they see him.” Oscar explained.
“This is stupid anyway I don’t care.” Lando mumbled, caring very much that he wasn’t the favorite. “Moving on, I don’t have any more questions so I guess it is my turn.”
After the video had been filmed, Oscar and Lando walked back over to the meeting room that the Piastri twins and their mother had been given to hang out in while they filmed. On the walk over, Lando interrogated his teammate even more.
“I cannot believe that I am not the cool uncle! I have never not been the cool uncle. Mila thinks I am cool, how do your kids not?”
“Lando, they are three, it is nothing personal. They love the toys you get them and they are always asking for you when they come to the factory. Logan just has seniority over you and has been the cool uncle forever, it is hard to dethrone him after a year.” Oscar said this hoping that it would stop Lando from spoiling them tenfold. 
If anything it just made him even more motivated to overthrow Logan.
landonorris
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liked by oscarpiastri and 472,264 others
landonorris logansargeant I will become the cool uncle
oscarpiastri lando please. No more toys we don't have the room
logansargeant In your dreams old man.
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Note
Hi sweet angel, I have to admit that I'm new to your profile, but my obsession with your writing is almost as great as my obsession with snow, I have a request that changes the story a little bit.
Coryo is completely obsessed with the reader, but she thinks he is just an affectionate friend, both become mentors and instead of snow falling in love with lucy, it is the reader who falls in love with her tribute, and begins to move away from Snow, he can not accept this and manipulates the games, Not for lucy to win, but rather, to get rid of the reader's tribute. (Sorry for any mistake, English is not my mother tongue, so I use Google translator)
Slipping Through My Fingers || Young!Coriolanus Snow x reader
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GIF by i forgot sorry :( divided by @firefly-graphics
A/n: this took me forever to finish idk why 😭 also this has to be the longest fic i've written so far.
Warnings: mention of blood, possessive coryo, mentions of death
Wc: 2,975
Coriolanus Snow Masterlist
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"Can I see you tomorrow morning?" Coriolanus looks down at you with hope in his eyes, you open your mouth but close it before sighing. "I can't, sorry. My parents want me to be home when my grandparents are there," You lie through your teeth as he hums, nodding.
"That's fine, tomorrow afternoon then?" His hand touches your waist as you smile up at the boy. "Of course Coryo, I'll see you then?" You touch his hand that was at your waist as he nods. You give him one final smile before disappearing around the corner.
You felt bad for lying to him but you didn't know how he would take it if he found out that you were actually going to meet your tribute first thing when his train from the districts arrived in Panem. Your tribute, Dean, from district 8 intrigued you. You couldn't keep your eyes of the screen when he appeared. He caught your eye immediately.
Coryo couldn’t stop complaining all day about his tribute from district 12, Lucy Gray. Saying that she would not last a second in the game. Unlike him, you had faith in your tribute.
So here you were, standing on the platform waiting for the train to come to a halt as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. A smile on your face, dimples on display as the doors open revealing Dean. He was taller than you imagined, but nonetheless, he looked surreal. There was no denying that Dean was good looking, incredibly good looking which you would imagine would play a role in the amount of donations he would have.
"Dean. Y/n Y/l/n. I'll be your mentor." You extend your hand out in front of him as he looks you up and down before shaking your hand. His shake was firm, his fingers calloused. An indication that he was a hard worker.
"Are you supposed to be here? I don't see other people like you around here," He says as he looks around the train station. You notice Coriolanus' tribute, Lucy Gray walking by and staring at the two of you questioningly. You make eye contact with her before clearing your throat and looking back at Dean who hadn't kept his eyes off of you.
"No. I'm not supposed to be here." You confess, your hands fidgeting with the ends of your skirt as Dean raises an eyebrow at you. "Then.... what are you doing here?" You pause. What were you doing here? You could have waited like the others for tomorrow to meet him.
"I uh- I wanted to welcome you to the Capitol." You offer him a smile. Silence. "Can I be blunt with you Dean?" Your head slightly tilts, a habit of yours when you ask questions. "Sure," He shrugs. "I see potential in you," You hold his hands in between yours as he glances down at your intertwined hands with an expression you couldn't quite figure out.
"You can win this hunger games. And I will do everything in my power to make sure that you do. Such potential like you for a bright future shouldn't be wasted," You solemnly smile at him. Dean stays quiet for awhile, his hand still in yours before a peacekeeper roughly pulls him away from you.
"Hey!" You shout as you follow the two. "It's time for them to go Miss." The peacekeeper says as he throws Dean into the back of a van. Just as he walks away from your view to close the door, you jump into the van along with the rest of the tributes. "What are you doing!" Dean whispers yells at you as you stay hidden behind him.
You let out a sigh of relief once the doors close. "What's this? Is this your mentor, Dean?" A girl you recognised to be Carol asks with a sinister smile. You push past Dean and extend your hand out for her to shake. She looks at your face then your hand and lets out a laugh.
"Why would I shake hands with someone like you." She spat as a few others laugh alongside her. You notice Lucy Gray once more, sitting there silently. "Why do you get special treatment Dean, huh?" Carol pushes you backwards catching you off balance as Dean catches you.
"I could kill her right now," Carol chuckles like a maniac. Dean moves you behind him, "Leave her alone," He voices out, his tone screaming authority. Before Carol could respond, the van shook violently as you all lose your balance. You let out a groan as you felt your body slam against the van door before it flies open, causing you all to roll out onto hard rocks.
You let out a groan as you slowly lift up your head, squinting your eyes at your surrounding before you hear Dean's voice. "Y/n! Are you alright?" He asks worriedly as his grips your bicep, aiding you to stand up as you realise where you were. You were at the zoo cage.
You place a hand on your head as you let out a low groan. "Excuse me! Hello! Over there! Can they not hear me in there?" You hear a familiar voice belonging to Lucretius Flickerman. Dean takes a hold of your forearm, helping you keep balance as he whispers to you, "Own it." You look up at him with a small smile. He offers his arm to you as you link arms and walk towards the iron bars.
"Y/n Y/l/n, one of the mentors for the 10th hunger games." Lucretius says to the camera as he then directs his gaze towards you. "The game makers did tell you to jump into the cage with them," His tone was skeptical. Dean looks down at you as you glance at him before looking at Lucky.
"They didn't tell me not to. They just said it was a mentor's job to introduce our tributes to the citizens of Panem, and I thought well if Dean is brave enough to be here, then why shouldn't I be too?" You say with confidence, "For the record, I didn't have a choice," Dean butts in.
"What is Y/n doing there?" Arachne gasps as she ctaches the attention of Snow and the others as they look to the screen. There you were, linked arms with a tribute, looking awfully comfortable with him to add. Snow furrows his eyebrows at disbelief that you were there.
You told him that you were to be at home, but clearly not. Coriolanus watches with intent as you look at Dean when he spoke. His fists bawl up as Clemensia makes a comment. "You alright Coryo? You look.... bothered," Her hands rest on Snow's upper arm as he pries her touch off of him.
"I'm fine," He snaps as he leans forward on his seat. He was bothered. Very bothered seeing you so close with a tribute. "He's obviously not fine, he's bothered seeing Y/n so touchy with her tribute, isn't that right Snow?" Arachne teases as he slams his hand on the table causing her to shut up. "Shut it, Crane." Coriolanus says through gritted teeth as Arachne puts her hands up in surrender.
"They look really close. Can't blame Y/n honestly, she got a good looking one," He hears Clemensia quietly say before he had enough and stood up, storming off.
~
"Coryo," You call out as you catch up to him, adjusting your bag on your shoulder as you offer him a smile. He says nothing, his face stern as he continues to walk, not bothering to look at you. "Hey listen, I'm sorry I stood you yesterday, I just got super busy-" "Yeah I saw, busy with your tribute right?" He gives you a sarcastic smile as you scrunch your eyebrows.
You were all making your way to the enclosed cage to talk to your tributes. "What?" Snow rolls his eyes at you, finally stopping. "I saw your interview with Flickerman. Looked awfully close to your tribute," You let out small chuckle as his face shows no sign of amusement.
"Coryo, I was just introducing myself to him and getting to know him that's all. I have faith in him that he will win and I wanted him to know that. Wouldn't you do the same with your tribute if you had faith in her?" You touch his arm as he looks at your hand.
"Right?" You try and get a response from him as he sighs, "I guess," Is all he says before intertwining his hands with yours. You look down at your hands, a sweet gesture from him. When you both get closer to the tributes, you unclasp your hands with Snow and walk towards Dean who has already seen you and was making his way closer to you.
"Hey," You greet Dean as you look through your bag and find the half of your sandwich and cookie which you put away for him. You hand it to him as he thanks you, immediately taking bites as you watch him. He could feel your stares as you look away. Your eyes land on Coriolanus and Lucy.
He was talking to her about something as Lucy looks towards you and Dean. Snow finally looks at you, his expression cold as you gulp and look at Dean who was already looking at you. "He your boyfriend or something?" He asks as he takes another bite of the cookie. Your eyes widen. "Who? Coryo? No." You laugh as Dean stares at you.
"He's just a close friend of mine." You say as he nods, unbothered. "Do you? Do you- uh- have a-" "No." He deadpans as you slowly nod. From afar, Snow was watching the two of you interact the entire time. "Do you want to win Lucy Gray?" He turns his attention from you to his tribute.
"Do you think I can win?" She asks him as he thinks. "Honestly? no." He admits as Lucy scoffs. "But if you listen to what I say and do what I tell you to do, you will." His tone was stern as Lucy nods, her eyes following his eyeline which led to you and Dean. "That your girlfriend? That girl who was with us yesterday in the van."
"Her and Dean seem to be close, don't you think?" Lucy watches Coriolanus' face, his jaw clenching at the mention of the two. "They're not close, she just knows how to play the game," Coriolanus snaps before standing up and backing away from Lucy Gray.
~
You hadn't spoken much to Coriolanus the past couple of days. You were with Dean quite a lot, making up strategies and scenarios for when the games started. "I care about you, Dean. A lot." You take his hands in yours, the sound of his iron shackles making you cringe as you look him the eyes. Dean looks around the room before caressing your hand.
You and Dean have gotten very close over the past days. You both had faith in each other, trusted one another. Coriolanus narrows his eyes at the two of you, 2 desks away from him before his gaze settles on your touching hands.
He lets out a quiet scoff as Lucy Gray looks over to you and Dean. "Do you know him?" Snow asks her as he cocks his head towards Dean. Lucy shakes her head. "You want to win, don't you?" He leans in close to her.
Lucy hesitantly nods her head, "Yes. Yes you do Lucy." He answered for her, his gaze hard on her as she squirmed under his stare. "You need to kill Dean first. You need to before he kills you. He's a strong competitor, I can tell, that's why you need him out first. Then, it will be a piece of cake." He smirks as he leans back on his chair. "What do I need to do?"
~
“Y/n,” Coriolanus calls out as you turn your head to his direction, a small smile on his face as you beam at him. You run to him, throwing your arms around him as you hug him tightly. Coryo was caught off guard but eventually hugs you back.
“Good luck,” You say, although it was slightly muffled against his shirt. “You too,” He says back, his hand rubbing your back as you pull back, giving him your pearly white grin that only a few were able to see. Coriolanus felt a pull at his heart for he knew what was going to happen would break you.
Your other classmates arrive as you get settled for the 10th hunger games to start. Your eyes were trained on the screen as you watch Dean kill 2 people. You bite your fingernails as you continue to watch it play out infront of your eyes. Coriolanus offers his hand as you take it, squeezing it as you watch Dean.
A couple hours pass by and everyone sits up when they watch Coryo's tribute, Lucy Gray being corned by a few of the others, Dean included. In the corner of your eye, you watch Coryo come up to his screen and rapidly click.
Your eyes flicker back to the screen as drones of water come flying at the tributes, knocking them out as the room erupts in gasps. "These drones are not very good," Flickerman comments. "Hey! What are you doing?" Vipsania shouts as she stands up.
"You can't attack the tributes Coryo!" You snap at him. "I'm just sending water," He coolly says as you shake your head and scoff. Dean managed to dodge them luckily. You watch as Lucy Gray runs, Dean chasing after her as your leg bounces.
She manages to hide in one of the vent holes as you notice Snow let out a sigh of relief. Dean punches the vent in anger as he eventually leaves her. A few more hours pass by as you fell asleep, the sound of banging wakes you up. Coryo was nowhere to be found.
Your eyes focus on the screen as Dean and Coral stand underneath a vent pipe. Coral's pitchfork was reportingly stabbing at the vents above. Dean follows the noises, his gaze on the vent. "Coral. Coral she's right here," He whispers to her as she continues stabbing at the vent. Coriolanus then runs in, "Lucy Gray, is she okay?" He says out of breath.
"She wont be for long," Festus comments as everyone's eyes are trained on the screen. All of a sudden, Dean touches his nose as he looks confused. You immediately stand up on your feet, "Wait, what's wrong with Dean?" You move closer as he falls on his knee making your heart race.
"Did Coral do something to Dean?" You panic as Dean starts spazzing out on the floor. Coryo glances at you. Lucy Gray did what he told her to do. He had snuck her rat poison to use, if a small amount was to be inhaled, it would be deadly.
You cover your mouth as your eyes widen. Dean was laying on the ground, not moving at all. You flinch at the sound of a buzzer going off, indicating that he was in fact dead. Dean was dead. And you didn't even know how it happened. You storm out but before you could, Coryo grips your arm, "I'm sorry," He says as you furrow your eyebrows at what he meant before snatching your arm from his grip. "Dean is down. Good afternoon Miss Y/l/n," Flickerman calls out.
You storm out with rage. Dean was supposed to win. He was supposed to make it out alive. You even promised him he would come out alive and go back to his family. One moment he was perfectly fine, and then the next, he's on the floor spazzing out and then dead. Your mind drifts back to Coriolanus' words, I'm sorry. What did that even mean? You assumed he was just apologising that your tribute was dead.
~
Lucy Gray had managed to win. You were happy for Coryo of course. But Dean’s recent death still plagued your mind. “Y/n,” Coryo breathed out the moment you opened your door to him; he reached out for you, pulling you against his chest.
It caught you by slight surprise before you hugged him back. The pent up emotions finally releasing the moment he rubs your back affectionately. “Shh” He softly shushed you as waterfalls fall down your cheeks. Everything was chasing up to you.
“I-I don’t even know what happened to him,” You sob in his embrace as he traces shapes on your arm. You continued to rant to him as he brought you to your living room.
You rested your head against his chest as he listened, sometimes he would bite his tongue at the things you were saying about Dean. "He was just a tribute y/n-" "He was not just a tribute." You snapped, lifting your head up as you stared at his blue irises.
Coriolanus rolls his eyes the minute you turn your head back around. "He's human, just like you and I. He had dreams, he had a family to go back to Coryo, do not just sit there and tell me he was just a tribute. He's more than a tribute," Coriolanus listened to every single word that came out of your mouth.
He did not agree with most of the things you said but for the sake of it, he said nothing. When you spoke about Dean, it grew on Coriolanus that you infact liked him, alot. Perhaps even more than like. And that was why he felt the need to kill him. You were his, only his. And after all, he couldn't have some lowly district boy taking over your body and soul.
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screampied · 2 months
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“. . do you . . know what happens after death, sweetheart?”
the words that slipped out of nanami’s lips struck you right in the very depths of your heart.
it stung—a sharp prod that made the very crevices of your mouth twitch. his hands, his once warm and loving hands started to grow abnormally cold. frigid to where you even started to adapt to his chilled temperature.
“no why….” you started, feeling your throat tighten. “why are you asking me that, kento?” you sniffle, tightly interlocking your fingers with his.
he stares at you with a warm smile spreading across his lips.
regardless of his current position, peacefully resting his back against the ground—his inevitable fate had finally caught up to him.
nanami’s breathing patterns changed significantly. everything was so loud, all he could make out through his peripherals was splotches of blur and your pretty worried face. “. . because,” he continues, and his speech was so slow. you could tell he was trying to get every word out, every syllable, every vowel. just for you and only you. “i’m about to find out, my love . .”
your irises focused on him. nothing else, no one else—just him.
you’ve never seen him like this. so pale, so weak, so . . . scared.
his pure emotion, it showed in his eyes. his perfect brown eyes that you never failed to get lost in. for the first time in what was probably forever, nanami felt…scared. he tried his best to conceal it in front of you though. but even his best wasn’t enough, because you probably knew him better than you knew yourself.
“don’t say things like that, kento,” you mutter, already feeling that annoying plump knot rise up in your throat. your breath was shaky, tremble after tremble. “you’re fine. you can get up. we can get up.”
he knew when you said we, you implied that you’d both be walking away together — hand in hand, like in those stupid cheesy movies you’d watch with him every sunday after he gets off work. but alas, reality was quite harsh to face. an even more incredible tough pill to swallow. nanami knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
it was irksome, you had to squeeze your eyes shut to prevent a single tear to roll down your cheek.
nanami’s eyelids were hanging on by a thread, just barely open. he was trying—trying so hard to hang on, a small pout curls against his lips before he huffs out a single breath.
“ah . . forgive me, you’re right,” he says, his thumb swiftly stroking the front of your hand. a single tear escapes past your lower damp eyelid. even his voice sounded different. a voice you grew to love, so sweet and protective. it now sounded incredibly tired. you could hear a slight wheeze between breaths of his. “hey, don’t cry. don’t do that, look at me.”
his voice was so soft, you sniffled—despising the irritating tears that started to run down both sides of your temples. if it was anything nanami couldn’t stand, it was that he couldn’t stand to see the love of his life shed such sweet pitiful tears for him.
you looked at him, watching his eyelids struggle to stay open for you. everything ached, his body didn’t even feel like his own anymore. it was an indescribable feeling from when he got struck, laying against the slick cold floor of the shibuya train station.
“. . d-don’t leave me,” was all you managed to say, your lips was trembling, your heart pounded and you didn’t wanna say goodbye just yet. “kento, i need you.”
“hm? what are you mumblin’ about, sweetheart? ‘m right here.” his voice, it sounded happier.
you furrowed your eyebrows, now finding yourself buried into nanami’s bare chest, damp chin pressing against his pecs and all.
you were here safe and sound, snuggled up all against him, as you should be. it took you a long while to calm down, he’s staring at you with a soft loving gaze—a brief look of concern before you mumble out a, “..kento? are you okay?”
“why wouldn’t i be, baby?” nanami hums, a soft thumb stroking your back. with a relaxed breath, he leans in to plant a gentle kiss near the very tip of your forehead. his touch was forevermore soothing, a touch you never wanted to forget.
you let off a jittery sigh of relief, finally coming to the conclusion that it was another one of your horrid nightmares. you had nothing to worry about.
he was fine.
you were fine,
everything was fine.
. . is what you kept telling yourself.
nanami never told you those words, he didn’t kiss the tip of your forehead or stroke your back lovingly whilst staring into your eyes. the only true unbearable truth was that nanami was gone.
he was gone, and his last words weren’t even “i love you,” or “i’m sorry.” on his fatal dying breaths, nanami’s last words to you while squeezing your hand, sliding a ring into your palm, he rasps out a breathy, “will . . you marry me?”
but before you could tell him yes, he was already gone.
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elixrr · 1 month
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“could you be seen with me and still act proud?”
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➢ Jing Yuan, Argenti, Aventurine, Dan Heng, Blade, Xiao, Childe, Wanderer, Zhongli
➢ Star Rail / Genshin x [GN] Reader
➥ (their answer + reaction to this question)
➥ (comfort / fluff)
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✧ - JING YUAN
“Why, of course. I would hold your hand up for the whole of the Xianzhou to see.”
This was pretty expected of the sly general. However, what was unexpected was the way he took you in his arms and lifted you up—bridal style. You begged him to put you down as he opened the doors of his and your room, now making his way outside to remind the whole Xianzhou that you're his and he's yours.
✧ - ARGENTI
“Dearest love—of course, I would be so proud to have the chance to take the hand of mortal beauty itself, and, if it were chivalrous, I would boast about your beauty everywhere I go.”
Ever so poetic, Argenti pulls your heart strings again with his creative (yet cheesy) lines. He loves you; that's a fact that nobody can deny, and he believes that you were sent down by Idrila herself with how attractive you are. Without a hesitant thought, he backs away and offers you his hand—will you accept the offer in which he takes you from place to place, hand in hand, to show the whole world that your his love?
✧ - AVENTURINE
“You wanna take a bet? Here, I'll take you out to dinner if you guess my answer correctly—get it wrong, and I decide on what I'll do with you.”
With a wink and a smile turning into a smirk, it's always hard to guess what Aventurine is thinking, but with the clock ticking, you hardly get time to really think, and so you curiously answer with “no.” A smile grows on his face, and he leans in close, holding your arms. He whispers in your ear, “I guess that means you have to do what I tell you tonight.”
✧ - DAN HENG
“Of course. I do... I do love you, after all.”
His sentences are kept short and simple (with a little bit of blush), just like how they always are. Now, unlike most people on this list, he isn't bringing you outside to let the world know that you're dating, but he would feel and does absolutely feel proud to have you as his love. He reassures you that he would never feel embarrassed or feel the need to hide his love for you, no matter the crowd he's surrounded by.
✧ - BLADE
“Yes. Nobody's taking you, and nobody's taking me. Everyone had better know that you're mine, and the same goes for me.”
His response was rather threatening, but that's typical with Blade. His words are as sharp as his sword, but they're also as meaningful as sharp; his intent is nowhere near ill towards you, and he only means that he's dedicated himself to you already, and it's a dedication that he would never feel embarrassed or guilty for. Now, take his hand—he'll promise the world that you're his tonight.
✧ - XIAO
“Yes. Why wouldn't I be?”
In Adeptus Xiao language, he means, “yes, of course I would. Archons, holding your hand is a blessing itself.” And, though he doesn't admit it, he still feels it. You are his first and only love in several millennia. You, of every person to ever set foot in Liyue, managed to capture his heart when nobody else could. Xiao loves you, and he feels that he will forever, so he prays you'd banish him if he ever hurts you or hides his love away for something trivial because that means the karma got to him and that he's gone mad.
✧ - CHILDE
“Of course, babe! You know what? Let's go on a date right now— everything's on me!”
And that's simply Childe. Without a word, he disappears and reappears with your favorite outfit in hand, and has you put it on (in private as he waits outside the bedroom door), and when you're done, he's suddenly dressed nicely with roses in hand, and he takes you out on a date. How? No clue, but know that he's letting the whole region know that you're his right here and right now.
✧ - WANDERER
“Huh? That's a stupid question. Why are you asking me, anyway?”
Yes. He means yes in every way possible. His sharp tongue speaks the opposite, but Wanderer truly means that he would show you off to the world if he had to. If he has to, mainly because he finds the concept of love in its entirety as stupid, but he also loves you too much to let you leave him, let alone have someone else think that you're some vacant partner just waiting to be taken. Now, hold both of his hands. He'll glide you above Sumeru City and show everyone there that you're his if you're still thinking about the question.
✧ - ZHONGLI
“Well, of course. Would you like to take a walk around the harbor for me to prove that?”
Zhongli senses your insecurity, and he wishes to alleviate your worries, so he takes you to a popular teahouse by a bridge. It's not that grand or special, but he keeps you close to him as you both sip away at your tea and embrace the company of one another.
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yes, this was a heathers reference.
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abra-ka-dammit · 1 year
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ah, nothing like waking up on a day off work
mind u i only have 4 more days at this job so im about to have a LOT of days off work if these damned employers wont ever pick or get back to me with my applications
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cozage · 8 months
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Omg what the heck 2k!?! I’m so happy for you like I remember when you started this blog some time ago, and you blew up fast 😭 also that era when you got shadow banned. I wanted to request the monster trio with option 1. So how about a meeting their S/O after the 2 year gap but they ended on argument so now what would they say after not seeing them for two years.
A/N:😭😭i forgot about the shadowbanned era omg. I almost stopped writing completely then. That was a CRAZY time. Thank you for reminding me of that LOL 
Characters: gn reader x Sanji, Zoro, Luffy Total word count: 750
A Postponed Apology
Sanji
“My love! You’re safe!” Sanji tackled you, both of you falling to the ground entangled in one another. 
He pushed back the hair from your face and covered you with kisses in between his words. “You’re here! I missed you so much!”
“Sanji,” you laughed, trying to push him off. “You’re smothering me!”
“I’ll smother you forever!” He pressed his head against your chest, humming pleasantly as he listened to your heartbeat. “I’ll never leave your side ever again!”
Your fingers ran through his hair as tears filled your eyes. You hadn’t expected this reunion to go so smoothly. You had expected Sanji to never speak to you again, maybe even come back with a new crew member recruit. You wouldn’t have blamed him, not after all the horrible things you said to him. 
“You’re not mad?” you whispered softly, afraid your voice would betray you. 
“Why would I be mad?” he asked, still listening to your heart beat in your chest. “I’m just grateful you’re okay.”
“But our fight…” Tears spilled out of the corner of your eyes and down your cheeks.
“Our fight?” he asked, clearly confused. He pulled his head away from your chest to look you in the eyes, and you could see his soul shatter at the fact he was making you cry. 
“Do you mean the one from two years ago?” he asked. “Darling, don’t even worry about that. All that matters is that we are here together now, and I’m never letting you go again.”
Zoro
It took your eyes a second to adjust to the darkened room, but Zoro’s voice rang out. 
“So, you’re the second one to arrive, huh?”
You hadn’t expected Zoro to be there. He was always getting so lost, you had assumed it would be anyone but him. 
“Nobody else is here yet?” you asked, joining him at the bar. 
“Just you and me.”
Silence filled the air, the heaviness of your last conversation still weighing on your shoulders. 
“Zoro-”
“Don’t apologize,” he said. “It was two years ago. It’s not a big deal.”
“No.” You shook your head, finally turning to look at him. “I should’ve never said those things. If I had known-”
“But you didn’t know.” He sighed, picking his beer up and taking a long drink. “Are you still upset about it? Do you even remember what we were fighting about?”
“Well no, but-”
“Then it doesn’t matter. We’re together now. Let’s make up for lost time instead, okay?”
You smiled, relieved at his words. He had never been one to hold a grudge. 
“Okay.”
Luffy
You kept your distance from Luffy until everyone went to sleep. It had been a long day full of emotions, and he was busy enough with his captain duties. The last thing you wanted to do was inconvenience him any further. 
“Sanji!” Luffy called, entering the kitchen. “I’m-oh! Hey!”
Your heart quickened at his voice. You weren’t ready to face him yet. Even if you knew you had to. 
“Hey Luffy,” you whispered. “Sanji went to bed, but he made this ice cream sundae. You want it?”
Luffy’s mouth grew into a big smile, his eyes growing wide. He grabbed a spoon and slid into the booth next to you. “You’re the best! You know that, right?” 
You gave an awkward laugh. “I guess we need to talk, huh?”
Luffy looked at you, a blank and confused look on his face. “Talk about what?”
It was hard to look at him, but you forced yourself to. “Our last conversation?”
He was trying to remember, you could see his brain going into overdrive as he recalled your last moments together on Sabaody. Finally, he shrugged and shoveled a scoop of ice cream into his mouth. 
“I don’t remember our last conversation,” he admitted. 
You raised an eyebrow. “The fight? Because if you want to break up-”
“Why would I want to break up with you?” Luffy asked. “That’s the last thing I want.”
“Well, I said some pretty harsh things, Lu.”
He knitted his eyebrows in concentration, trying to remember. For a minute you watched him, and you could’ve sworn steam was coming out of his ears. But he shook his head. “Sorry, I don't remember that at all.”
You laughed. You should be surprised or offended. But that was just Luffy. “So we’re good?” you asked.
“Of course,” he said, offering you a bite. “Why wouldn’t we be?”
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gh0stsp1d3r · 1 year
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hey! can you write ghostface! ethan smut? where the reader knows and they have sex? I know for a fact he whimpers 🤭 thank you!
YESS YES YES
Heaven
Warnings: Smut (obviously), p in v, Ethan’s a lil nervous, super cute, a little plot
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Yeah, ethan was a good guy. But was he that good to where you still liked him even after you knew he was a murderer?
After helping his father and sister on something, he was still wearing the mask. He took it off while walking, just to put it back on when he reached your parents house.
Your parents were gone for a few days, and you were taking a break from studying for just a day, then it was back to your dorm.
He didn’t knock on the door, or go through the back one even. He climbed up to your bedroom window, where he suspected you would be. Which you were.
He opened it silently, hoping to surprise you. Your back was turned to the window while you bent over and rummaged through a drawer. He closed the window and made his way to you, knife still in hand.
“Goddamnit!” You groaned in frustration. You turned around, when someone grabbed you. You screamed and kicked, but the person who grabbed you put their hand on your mouth.
The person took their hand off and let you go for a second. They took off their mask and of course-
“Surprise, (your name).” He said into a modulator.
(Stu and Ethan are my favorites so I had to)
“Ethan! Don’t scare me like that!” You hit his arm.
“You need to lock your windows.” He said, and pointing the knife at you.
“You sound like my parents.” You rolled your eyes, and he smiled widely.
“I missed you.” He said.
“I missed you too.”
He smiled again and sat down on your bed, putting the knife on the floor. You sat down next to him.
“So… why are you here?”
He shrugged “I just- I don’t know.. I just don’t like to be alone, after... I mean I know I haven’t actually killed anybody yet, I’m just helping them, but I mean still…”
“No, no, Ethan it’s fine. I don’t care, you know you can come to me at anytime.”
“Yeah.” He said, with a small smile and he laid his head on your chest. You played with his hair, and you picked out a movie.
After a while, let’s just say the movie got boring. Then, Ethan’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree when there was a sex scene.
Ethan had just lost his virginity last week, to you. He made a joke saying how he’ll “die a virgin.” Good thing you were there.
Ever since then, you’d been closer. You didn’t quite understand it, were you guys a thing or not?
It didn’t matter at the moment, because Ethan’s hard on was very obvious through the Ghostface outfit he was still wearing. You paused your movements and stopped messing with his hair.
“Ethan..” you said, he looked up at you.
“Yeah?”
“Can we… talk?”
“Y-yeah. Yeah, sure.” He sat up.
“Ethan, I like you. I really do. But I don’t know if you like me too, I mean like are a we a thing, are we not a thing?”
“Wh- of course I like you! I mean…” he took a deep breath. “Y/n, I’ve wanted to say this forever. Would you wanna be my girlfriend? I know this isn’t like.. ideal but-“
“Ethan. Ethan-“
“I do really like you and-“ he ranted on.
“Ethan!” You said, louder and interrupting him.
“I’d love to be your girlfriend.”
He stared at you, and you stared back. You both slowly leaned in to each other, and kissed. It was slow and passionate.
He slowly led you down to the bed, him on top of you.
You both moved quickly to take off your clothes, then he realized.
“Uh… do you have a… condom?” He said, embarrassed. His cheeks went pink as he finished the sentence.
You smiled “In the drawer.” You said, and pointed to a drawer, he quickly fumbled off of you, almost tripping on his own shoes. He couldn’t believe it was happening, again, and now you guys were actually dating.
He grabbed it and went over to you again, he was thankful that the Ghostface outfit was easy to take off. He took off his boxers and put the condom on.
Then, he realized that you weren’t even completely naked. You were too busy watching him.
He slowly moved his hands to your bra, and unclipped it.
He then took off your underwear, and he tensed up. He was scared that maybe you wouldn’t like it, or you didn’t really like him. Maybe you’d leave him the second he got you.
“Ethan, calm down, it’s okay, it’s me. If you don’t want to do this or your not ready we don’t have to-“
“No, no I want to. Do you want to?”
“I do.” You said with a smile.
“Uh, this is—an embarrassing question, but can you uh… ride me?” He sat up, scratching the back of his neck.
You laughed at him, and he feels like he’s done something wrong.
“Can I? I would love to.” You said with a smirk.
“Okay, because I still dont exactly know what I’m doing and I want this to be good for you-“
“Calm down, it will be. I want it to be good for you.”
“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” He said, taking another deep breath as you straddled his lap. You held onto his shoulders, and his hands awkwardly were at his sides.
You guided his hands to your hip. One thing you couldn’t get over was his muscles, his cock wasn’t huge, but it was definitely big. But his muscles? No one would think that a quiet boy like him would have his muscles.
Finally, after what felt like hours for Ethan, you slowly hovered over his cock and then you slowly lowered yourself onto it. He screwed his eyes shut and threw his head back a little.
He couldn’t believe it, he was literally having sec with his GIRLFRIEND. A girl, who he could now call his girlfriend. And even after she knew he was a murderer, she still stayed with him.
If this wasn’t heaven, he would say heaven didn’t exist.
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moonit3 · 7 months
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SURVIVORS
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➥ warnings/notices: yandere, nsfw, smut, noncon fingering, implied age gap, death, violence, blood, harassment, apocalypse, reader’s family dies, mentioned pregnancy, reader is scared of many things but has a gun, guns, threats, open ending.
➥ yandere! male apocalypse survivor x f! reader
➥ synopsis: you shouldn’t have let him inside.
➥ a/n: why not writing it? i had a dream like this a few nights ago and thought about it, so i had to write it before I could forget it. not to mention, also opened end guys.
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➥ the events are forever in your mind. the day that change the world when unseen creatures start appearing from nowhere and killing every human they could find, include father and mother, both who died to put you inside the bunker they made in the woods, where the door was hide behind vines and rocks inside a cave. there, you could hear their fainted scream for minutes til the creatures finally finished and leave the area for good.
➥ that bunker quickly become your home as your are too afraid to step outside to witness of what world has become. with numerous supplies stocked, running water and a huge indoor garden to plant vegetables and some chicken running around. so you began living there without worrying about lack of food nor energy as this whole place is move by the river nearby. your parents really thought of everything, didn’t they?
➥ and as expected, a live full of simplistic and cozy start up when you get used to the almost same routine every day. take care of the garden, cook meals, clean the entire place, repare old clothes and your favorite thing, catch a glimpse of the outside world. in the highest part of the bunker, there is a periscope that allow you to see almost two miles around the front of cave.
➥ one day, instead of seeing wild animals and the creatures, you see a man standing in front of the entrance with his clothes full of cuts and blood, looking almost he is ready to pass out at any given second. should you help him? he looks horrible in this state, but the last words of father still ringing in your mind, don’t let anyone enter the bunker other than you! but…he looks so miserable and lost, not to mention the sounds of the creatures around, so you helped him.
➥ ignoring the voices inside your head, you open the door and help the man to enter the bunker. the many cuts on his skin still fresh and the blood running his vests are smelling bad. im going to help you, okay? just stay here. i have a kit-aid that will give you some relief. and with the best effort, you managed to clean most the blood of him and stitch all of his cuts. even daring to wash his hair as you offered him.
➥ after treating him, you could take a better look at the mysterious man that is inside the bathtub. sharp eyes that reminds you of blades, skin full of old scars (from the creatures and other humans), full of muscles and hands way bigger than yours. this man is someone stronger to have survived in the wildness outside for the past years. however the injuries in his body isn’t going to heal anytime soon, so you offered him to stay over for a couple of weeks until he gets fully healed.
➥ a new routine began for the two of you. theo, as he introduced himself, began doing most of the task that involves hard working such as cutting firewood from the garden, fixing furniture that were broken years ago and even taking care of the chickens. in meanwhile, you took care of the cooking, cleaning and sometimes helping theo in his duties as you are afraid that he is pushing himself.
➥ don’t bother me, [name]. despite letting him living with you for the past few days, theo wasn’t got close to you nor let you take care of his wounds, saying that he knows how to handle it. he is a little stubborn, you have to admit, but you can’t let him take of his own wounds, theo barely knows how to stitch his injuries and have zero clues on how to properly use the bandages. with enough lucky and discussion, he lets you take care of him, but only if you don’t use the anesthesia.
➥ a weird request, but you listen to his words and don’t use the anesthesia when cleaning his wounds. you don’t know why he prefers it, but it’s a little comforting to see him smiling when you are changing his bandages and taking care of him. and every time after you finish doing it, he kisses your cheek as a reward. you did a great job, [name]. why he keeps doing it? you don’t know, but with every kiss that theo gives you, it’s always make your heart skip a beat louder and faster.
➥ then after weeks of living together, it was time to theo to leave the bunker when his injuries got better, but you two got so close together in this time that you offered him to stay at the bunker with you and he accepted. it’s a great offer, not gonna to lie. and staying around you is going to be better than going outside, not knowing if im going survive another day. with that, you began officially living along theo inside the bunker.
➥ and living with theo got a little weird, maybe awkward(?) as he become more touchy around you. his large hands on your waist during moments that you thought to be alone or catching him spying when you are bathing, it makes you uncomfortable of course. however, when you think to bring it up to talk about it, theo cut the subject, i think you are overthinking, [name]. you know me, i won’t never do that.
➥ his words don’t affect you and you continue to take notices of his new behavior. it’s getting worse every day goes on, his touches become more intense (always having a hand on your waist or something even lower), he enters the bathtub with you (to save water), but what did you made panic was waking up in the middle of the night with theo sleeping with you. your body laying against his chest and his hand going lower to your private parts.
———
“theo—“ he covers your mouth with the crook of his elbow, not giving you any chance to speak up with his hand going beneath your shorts, already feeling your sensitive part. this can’t be happening, it’s must be a nightmare.
without any warning, he inserted one finger inside you, resulting in your muffled scream being heard by theo only as your body shakes in fear, along with tears began to drop all over the nigh clothes. don’t worry, [name]. “i will be gentle, okay? i want to your first time to be special and unique.” so his single digit start moving inside your warmth walls, feeling how spongy and tight you are becoming due to his touch.
your body shakes when theo adds another finger inside, this is too much! you never expected to be this painful as you heard from friends back at college. your hands goes to his arm, trying to move it away his hand from your intimate parts, but ended receiving a head but from theo.
“don’t you dare! i been waiting for this for too long for you to ruin it!” another finger is put inside you, this time he goes faster and you are close, you can feel it despite not wanting to let him knowing it. “now be a good boy/girl/person and i will show you how to experience the best pleasure ever.”
the fingers began moving faster and faster, making [name]’s muffled moans turned into agonizing yells, trying to find anything to focus instead of the sensation that is inside your body. you attempt to imagine to be anywhere else, but not here, pretend that you are just with your late friends back at the town. pretending you aren’t living through hell.
and for what felt like hell, you finally came due to his fingers. a soft whimpering as you are finally give up of fighting and is already too tired from yelling for mercy, now your thighs and the sheets are dirty by your fluids, ruining the peaceful night that you wished to had, yet at least theo is over, meaning that you can go back to sleep…then you heard his zipper goes off.
“now, it’s my turn, [name].”
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@moonit3 writings
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