#this was just inspired by somebody expressing that they changed their strong feature because of bullying/beauty culture...

[uncanny-tranny]

I know I've talked about this before, but as somebody with Strong features who has been mocked for it, it really infuriates me when people bully others for changing their strong features through surgery instead of criticizing beauty culture, you know, a big issue as to why people with strong or ethnic features are often bullied or even discriminated against. When you bully people for altering their appearance through surgery, you may just be victim-blaming somebody. Beauty culture is the issue, not somebody using their bodily autonomy as they see fit.

#beauty culture #honestly i think one of the reasons people have stopped mocking me for my features is simply because... #...they were 'masculinizing' features and since i am a man people aren't as willing to 'call it out'... #...now that people have recognized my manhood i've noticed they're less inclined to call out the features they see as masculine... #...because it's like saying 'the sky is blue!!!!' and expecting people to be horrified and shocked #even in a post-beauty culture world 'cosmetic' plastic surgery would still exist #because it is an aspect of bodily autonomy #i have some Thoughts on this #(i will say in the first few tags that people have still pointed out my features but like. my dysphoria doesn't latch onto it anymore) #(and i've embraced that i just look Like My Dad and i always have and probably always will) #this was just inspired by somebody expressing that they changed their strong feature because of bullying/beauty culture... #...and people were making fun of *her* instead of criticizing and hating beauty culture for tormenting her for how she existed #would she have changed her strong nose if not for beauty culture? who knows because that isn't the world we're living in rn #but you can't just ignore how painful it was to have been TORMENTED for your NATURAL BODY #like that's honestly the lowest of the low imo #and i 100% support her decision because her bodily autonomy is *absolute* #without bodily autonomy you have NOTHING. if you do not OWN your body you own NOTHING.

[sugurugetofavoritemonkey]

Tulip (Jean Kirstein x Reader)

✵ Pairing : Jean Kirstein x Female Reader.

✵ Summary : Jean works at a flower shop and you’re a drawer that comes in his shop to practice drawing flowers.

✵ Word count : 1.5k

✵ Warnings : just fluff, (and my bad writing)

✵ Note : I was inspired by a prompt by : @dailyau​ (which I changed a little).

Jean deserves all the love in the world.

ENJOY <3

It all started a few months ago, during summer if you correctly remember. 

You've found a cute flower shop down your street, you needed to practice at drawing flowers, and what better place than this one to succeed? 

The thing you didn’t expect was that the boy selling the flowers would be as cute as his shop. 

You were searching for different kinds of flowers, taking pictures of the ones you would practise on later, when a sweet voice woke you up from your daydream. 

“Hi miss, can I know why you’re taking so many pictures? Flowers are meant to be observed in real time and taking care of, in my opinion”, the tall man  trushfully smiled, his voice full of curiosity, in no way wanting to be rude. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you, sir, I just need some models to train my skills to draw all types of flowers”, you were beginning to feel your cheeks turning warm from embarrassment. 

“No no no no, don’t worry, you don’t bother me at all, I was just curious that’s all”, it was his turn to blush, his head looking to the side. 

He adds, “You know, hum, you could maybe just take a sit and draw them right here, if you want of course. It won’t bother me and seeing that I just opened my shop, it will keep me company. People have lost a bit of interest about flowers these days, so it’s always welcomed to see people like you appreciating their beauty... and oh my god I talk too much, I’m sorry…”, he nervously giggle, while rubbing the back of his neck where a little mullet was starting to grow.  

His shyness made you slightly smile and you had to admit that his sweetness was more than welcomed. 

“Of course I would love to, it would be a pleasure to share a mutual hobby, I promise I won’t disturb your business, hum..”, at the pause he quickly caught on, raising his head to look at you with a little smirk, “Jean, and can I know your name too?”, he tilted his head to the side, “I’m sure your name is as beautiful as all the flowers gathered here”. 

When you answered him with a light stutter, clearly getting shy from his compliment, he smiled while repeating at loud your name, two times actually, trying to remember it clearly in his mind. 

“Well now you’re welcome here whenever you want, what’s the flower you want to draw first?”, he said, stars in his eyes as if you could ask for the rarest flower in the world and he would get it for you no matter what. 

“A tulip” 

And that’s when everything began between the two of you. 

After your first encounter, you saw Jean again at least one time per week. 

At first it was maybe just for the drawings but the more the days passed and the more you thought that maybe the flowers weren't the first reason anymore, almost becoming an excuse to see something else, well somebody else. 

During your little encounters, Jean would bring you a cup of tea, saying that “artists can’t work well without a nice tea”, making you smile at his kind words. 

You two would also talk a lot, while you draw your flower on a table just besides Jean’s counter who was waiting on his chair for clients, sometimes, or more like often, he would glance at you, admiring your focused expression while you were busy with your pen. 

Exactly like right now. 

You had come again to his flower shop to seek some flower model, but was it really the only thing you were seeking while going to him? 

This question popped in your head more times than you could count these days. 

When you entered his shop, Jean and you had gaze into each other's eyes for a little more longer than usual, when you broke the bond between your gazes, feeling your shyness starting to show a little, you heard Jean asked you the same question than every week. 

“Which flower do you want to draw this time?”, with his teasing smile and sweet voice. 

“A tulip, please Jean”. 

Your answer made him let out a little laugh, almost like a whisper, your mouth started to open to ask him what was so funny, when he cut you off. 

“I knew you would say that, they’re your favorites, I’m sure of it because you draw them at least one time per month, if not more. That’s why I put the prettier of them aside for you”. 

His little disclosure took you by surprise, and you started to feel little butterflies flying down your stomach. As he got in the backroom of his shop, you couldn't stop your eyes from looking at him, still processing the fact that he noticed your favorite flower and on top of that, he also put one aside for you. You already knew that Jean was full of kindness but that little gesture was more than appreciated from your side. 

He got back to you, the purple tulip in his big hand, holding it like he could break it, similar to the most precious glass in the universe. The flower was indeed very pretty, almost perfect. Every one of her petals was intact, her deep shade of a pinkish purple shining.

 When he handed you the flower, his fingers brushing against yours while looking deep into your eyes, it was like earlier, when you entered his shop. 

Like the time had stopped, and it was just the two of you. 

Eventually, when you were back at your senses and grabbed the flower delicately from his hand, you took place to your usual spot, beginning to take out your paper and pencil, getting to work. While Jean went taking care of his business. 

A few hours had passed. 

And it wasn’t long before Jean walked to you for the second time today. This time with both of his arms behind his back. 

You looked up at him, raising yourself to your feet to look at him better, even though the size difference was still apparent between the two of you. 

The closeness between Jean and you almost felt intimate. 

“Hum, I-I wanted to give you a little something, even though it’s not anything important, I took a lot of pleasure while doing it, here for you”, he handed you a piece of paper with a blush. 

When you took the paper between your fingers and turned it around to look, your heart stopped for a second. It was a drawing portrait of you, and an incredible one to say the least, it was you drawing one of those tulips, your brows furrowed in concentration but still with peaceful features. 

“Y-You did that yourself Jean? I didn’t know you could draw beautifully like this...”, you asked, voice still full of surprise and emotion. 

“Hum, yes I do, I learned alone when I was little but seeing your talent I was a bit afraid of showing you my skills, you really like it? Fuck, I hope you don’t find this creepy”, he started to rub his neck as usual when he was anxious. 

“You’re kidding right? How could I not love this wonderful gift that you made me Jean? I really appreciate it, you have no idea..”

That’s when you started to realize, with a smile on your lips, why he always seemed to hide something when you would search for him at his desk, he had prepared his gift for a long time, making it more appreciable if possible. 

Suddenly aware of your feelings for the man in front of you, you can’t help but put the drawing on the table near you and take Jean’s face between your palms, caressing gently his cheekbones with your thumbs. 

Looking up at him with the most loving gaze, your lips getting closer to his own, you hesitate a moment before asking, voice weak. 

“C-Can I kiss you Jean? Plea-”, the last word seems to die in the pit of your throat when Jean doesn't hesitate to take a gentle hold of your nape and kiss passionately your lips. 

The sensation of your first kiss with Jean could be compared to how he earlier held the purple tulip : with care and love. Even though he was holding you in his embrace delicately, like you were going to break, his love was, however, as strong as a burning flame. 

His kisses only stopped when you were out of breath. And even when Jean’s lips and yours separated from each other, he didn’t let out the hold on your neck, like you were going to disappear in front of his eyes. 

Jean’s gaze still on you, observing your face with attention, he couldn’t hold back the next words from slipping out of his now pinkish mouth due to the kisses you'd shared.

“My precious Tulip”, he smiled at you, like you were the most important flower in his heart.

#jean kirstein #fluff #jean fluff #jean snk #snk fluff #aot fluff #jean kirstein fluff #jean x reader #jean kirstein reader #jean kirstein imagines #attack on titan imagine #jean kirschstein #jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschtein fluff #snk reader #aot reader #jean imagine #jean imagines

[mfkinanaa]

CANCER RISING.

Born with Cancer on your Ascendant (or Rising), self-realization comes through a sophisticated attunement to your highly developed feeling nature.

You make sense of life through instinct and emotion.

You are likely to experience strong intuitions, and at times psychic sensibilities, and will therefore need to learn the difference between insight and projection.

Because you are so sensitive, you must recognize the impact that this can have on you.

You will need to acknowledge your sensitivity, accept your desire to nurture and support others, and acknowledge when this sensitivity leads you to take on too much, or become overly responsible for how others feel.

Learning to use your intuition to guide your choices is an important skill.

Self-awareness will grow as you develop emotional intelligence.

Your Home is Your Castle.

You may be very adaptable to change in your external circumstances, but need a peaceful and secure home base for your foundation. Home is very important, providing a sanctuary from the outside world. You may have a tendency to switch off and retreat here from time to time, especially when hurt, depressed, uncertain or confused.

You are likely to need clean, comfortable surroundings, and will prefer the company of refined people who can appreciate your unique qualities. Often close to family and friends, you are probably domesticated, with good cooking skills, as well as very capable on the work front.

However, a love of travel means that it is important to have the means to be able to get up and go. You may enjoy frequent changes of environment, allowing you to soak up the most of what life has to offer by soaking up the atmospheres of unfamiliar places.

Business Smarts.

Cancer rising gives business acumen, and you could do well as an entrepreneur owing to your heightened sense of how to cater to public tastes. You bring a practical, cautious yet determined approach to your own affairs which translates to good business practice. There is often great tenacity here, and you are likely to accomplish what you set out to do, despite constant flux and changes.

With persistence as well as careful strategic planning, you can easily profit by providing what others need.

In your professional or personal life there may be a tendency to avoid direct confrontation. You may approach problems sideways, in an attempt to negotiate emotional boundaries. You may at times be inclined toward stinginess, owing to an overly cautious attitude to money, which comes down to fear about having the ability to control external circumstances. You should learn to trust your feelings enough to know when it is time to conserve what you have and when it is time to spend.

Heightened Sensitivity.

As Cancer is a Cardinal sign, you need to direct your sensitivities, but this must be done in a way that is not overwhelming. Learning how to offer support when required is important, but you need to understand you are not responsible for others’ emotional wellbeing. The ability to nurture comes easily to you. Opportunities to care for others leads to growth and self-awareness.

Yet knowing when to draw the line is paramount. You must learn what is and IS NOT yours to be responsible for.If not achieved, then your life may feature constant episodes of drama and emotional intensity.

In this case, you can attract weak, needy, helpless or manipulative people – people in extremes of emotional crisis – in order to learn valuable life lessons. You can find yourself in relationships where one partner plays the role of adult and the other becomes the child. You might find yourself wondering why all of your friends seem to have problems? At the end of the day, this may have something to do with your need to feel needed, or inability to say no?

Healthy relationships need to be formed without guilt or co-dependency. Lessons in partnership usually involve learning to control and discipline your responses, so that they are appropriate to the situation at hand. You must also learn to trust what your instincts are telling you.

Family Life.

Family is likely to be very important to you. You will happily take on the role of responsible care-giver in any situation and will thrive on knowing you have a happy and productive family life. Whether you choose to focus your attention on family of origin or family of choice, a stronger sense of self will come through maintaining close family ties. 

When young, you may be deeply invested in the emotional state of your mother. This can be detrimental if bonds of responsibility are not transformed at a later stage. Letting go so as to develop independence and strength is crucial. You may have been dutiful as a child, shy and overly aware of the emotional undercurrents within your home.

It is easy for you to unconsciously take on your parents’ expectations, as you want to be obedient and conform to the family structure. Yet at the end of the day you must tread your own path. As you get older the action-oriented qualities of this sign should push you out into the world, to find your own identity on your own terms.

The Gift of Cancer Rising.

For greatest success, you need to understand how the ebb and flow of your own inner cycles, letting intuition guide you. Your sense of rhythm and timing will lead you to where you need to go. The accuracy of your often precise instincts is a great asset, and your intuitive hunches will almost always be spot on.

Trust your feelings and learn to decipher between what is real information and what is just an emotional response. In time you will learn that intuition is a higher form of knowledge and your feelings are in fact your sharpest tool.

LEO RISING.

Born with Leo on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to find that a sense of authority and the opportunity for creative self-expression is necessary if your are to maintain your selfhood. 

Accordingly, you will have your own unique or special way of doing this.

Your talents need to be developed so that they can grow.

In many ways, when Leo rises your task in life is to shine!

There is a strong need to be “somebody” – to feel important and respected somehow.

You will either grow in greater confidence and warmth of expression as you share your generous spirit with others, or develop a tendency toward affectation and extravagance which belies an underlying insecurity.

Much depends on the choices that you make.

Healthy Attention.

If Leo is your Ascendant you are likely to need attention and approval from others, so you are better off to admit that from the outset. The need to stand out in your own right is paramount. You have extraordinary reserves of creativity and love that need an outlet. Following your heart and exploring your passions will help you bring these gifts to the fore.

Once you feel you are getting the recognition you deserve then you can become a great source of fun, inspiration and leadership. Doing what you love brings your best qualities to the fore.

Larger than Life.

Just like the sun itself, you are likely to be fixed in focus -appearing constant and reliable, with a cheerful disposition that uplifts others. Life is to be enjoyed, and you may feel the need to live in a grand manner, befitting your “special” status. Or you may be happy with simple surroundings, but will make the effort to ensure there is plenty of time for pleasure, romance or fun.

In some ways you are likely to have a larger-than-life attitude. You are all about grand gestures, big dreams and stunning vistas. You are also likely to be a capable and demanding authority figure, well suited to leadership and managerial positions. Others respond well to your kindness, sense of fun, faith and optimism. As a rule, you tend to be proud, are sometimes insecure despite your capabilities, and hate above all else to be criticized.

As Leo is the sign of royalty, there may be a tendency to at times expect “the royal treatment” – indulgences befitting a personage of such elevated “status”. If not received, your temper tends to flare.

Overblown displays of outrage brought on by wounded pride can mask deep insecurities. The fear of ‘not being recognized’ easily becomes sullenness if you don’t feel that you are receiving your due.

A Born Leader.

The need for comfort and luxury is likely to lead you to work very hard for success. Your love of recognition makes achievement even more important for you. This is fine as long as you don’t work too hard, neglecting the family and friends who are after all your main audience and support crew. Give them their due attention and they will be there for you on the occasional day that you are down.

You are naturally here to lead in some way, but need to learn that leadership involves sharing command. Finding out what makes others special and unique helps you incorporate them into your plans. You must learn to temper your urge to fulfill your own potential by learning to appreciate and accept the contribution that every body makes to the whole, of which we are all a part.

Beware you don’t treat others with disdain or disrespect. You are so inclined to do things your own way, you may look down your nose, so to speak, at others who do not do things as you would. People will follow you gladly if you treat them with respect.

Scorn them, and they may leave you all alone, which is precisely the situation you fear. You need an audience or form of feedback to know you are performing at your best.

Turn Talents into Strengths.

When young you may have trouble adjusting your expectations to the actual circumstances of your life, but over time you will learn how to find the magic in the every day and the best in the people around you. Recognize where your talents lie and turn them into strengths. This means spending the time required to be your best and make the most of your unique gifts.

A positive statement for Leo rising is to affirm “I have the right to express my unique, individual creativity and spirit, and can do that without denying others the right to express theirs.”

The Gift Of Leo Rising.

It is important that you feel comfortable enough to show others who you really are, without demanding validation. Then you can shine from the uniqueness of your own creative spirit, bringing joy light and laughter to every situation in which you a part. You bring organizational and leadership qualities to any endeavour, with a natural flair for drama, creativity and fun.

VIRGO RISING.

Born with with Virgo on your Ascendant (or Rising), you are likely to view the world through the lens of mental analysis, with a view toward organization.

You have strong critical faculties and need to find practical outlets for your skills, talents and abilities.

Typically humble and at times self-effacing, you are likely be more concerned with being useful than being recognized.

You need to be productive – to be of service somehow – and your chosen career will typically give you the opportunity to experience best employ your skills.

You are likely to be practical, capable and dexterous.

You may be very good with facts, figures and details.

You may also be quite hard on yourself because of early childhood experiences, and need to learn to recognize and appreciate your talents.

The Urge For Service.

When your Ascendant is Virgo, you are usually willing to assist and be of service to others. Unless other chart factors dominate, you are likely to be hardworking, conscientious and studious. You like to know your place in the wider scheme, and feel most comfortable with a plan in place.

Cleanliness and order are often very important, as is the need to be systematic. You are likely to be good at solving problems, and will do well in any situation that requires you to work through an issue or challenge in a linear, demonstrable way.

A Tendency Toward Criticism.

Despite your abilities, you are likely to be tough on yourself, with a tendency to worry. If you do not perform tasks to an imagined standard of perfection you can be very self-critical. Your tendency to worry may undermine your nervous system, and the uncertainty of too much change can take a heavy toll.

On the way to realising your potential you may need to overcome a crippling lack of self-confidence. Virgo rising is often associated with a tendency to self-censor and self-criticize that can be debilitating. You may inwardly question and criticize every move that you make, leading to extreme levels of anxiety, and even chronic illness, if the impact on your nervous system becomes too much.

A Sensitive Constitution.

You may a have delicate constitution, and need to take extra care of your physical body. Your health, and especially digestion, is easily affected by negative thoughts and emotions. When anxious you will second-guess yourself. You may find yourself easily overwhelmed so that stress gets confused with logical analysis.

This confusion amplifies your tendency to self-doubt, and you should perhaps get feedback from others when you are spiralling down a mental sinkhole. Learning to praise, rather than criticize, your own talents is a great step forward. Developing a sense of purpose through being of assistance can work wonders.

Instead of trying to be perfect, perhaps you should aim instead to simply be better?

You may be very particular about food, which reflects your delicate nervous system. Learn to listen to your body and take care of your health, but watch out for tendencies to worry about your wellbeing as a substitute for something better to do!

Taking care of your self is a smart choice, and you will benefit greatly by incorporating a healthy diet, workable routines and natural therapies that can assist wellness. Regular practices such as yoga and meditation that work to synthesise mind/body focus are especially useful for you.

Discernment and Discrimination.

Whilst you enjoy doing things for others, you may have a need to try and control outcomes. This will be based on an innate fear of chaos or potential lack of order. You should make an effort to relax and welcome the input of other people. Look for people and experiences that can teach you how to flow, trusting in the natural rhythms of life without trying to preempt every outcome.

Virgo is associated with the assimilation of experience. This occurs through trial and analysis, through discernment and discrimination. Use the processes of metabolism and digestion as metaphors for your own approach to life, and in this way can learn to see any imbalances within your own body as perhaps symptomatic of an imbalance in how you are assimilating your experiences. Once you connect your fine sense of discrimination with your practical sensibility you can be of service to yourself and others in an unlimited numbers of ways.

The Gift of Virgo Rising.

At your best, you can be supportive, nurturing and stable helping others achieve practical outcomes. In this way, your sense of discernment, practicality and willingness to serve rises to the fore, adding purpose and fulfilment to your life. You do best with partners and friends who uplift you, helping you see the bigger picture behind immediate appearances.

#astroworld #astrology #astrotips #cancer rising #leo rising #virgo rising

[donutloverxo]

Stevie

Authors note- listen... I'm sorry for this but at the same time I'm not. Anyway this was inspired by an arc from the anime gintama.

the female captain america graphic does not belong to me.

Do not repost or steal my works. Reblogs are welcome

Summary- Steve has been on a space mission for a week. When he gets back he's a completely different person.

Pairings- Steve Rogers x reader, Stevie x reader

Warning- smut, sex toys, bi curious reader, gender bender(Tony nat and steve get turned into the opposite sex)

Word count- 3.3k

Masterlist

You had been monitoring Steve’s mission status for the past week. You were both used to the other being gone on missions. But a mission in space was something else. Steve, Tony and Nat were helping Carol out with a situation in space. Since the guardians were mia. In another galaxy. It was still hard to wrap your head around. Last you heard going to Mars was considered a huge accomplishment now people are travelling to another solar systems.

It was hard not to worry. So many things could go wrong. They could be sucked into a black hole or encounter a hostile species. You were one of the few Avengers who had never been to space. As you were blipped after the snap.

You had heard about it from Steve. He had a far away melancholic look in his eyes whenever he talked about it. You understood how hard those five years must’ve been for him. You weren’t sure if you could even last 5 weeks without him.

As much as you would’ve liked to go explore space you had decided someone had to stay home.

You were going about your night drinking some coffee to help with your fatigue in front of the monitor waiting for updates from Steve’s team. You had not left the room, you pretty much lived there. They were supposed to be home two days ago. With no updates from either of them you were at the end of your rope.

You were jolted awake when you felt your chair along with the whole room vibrating. You didn’t even realise you had fallen asleep. You rushed outside hoping that the team had made it back.

You looked at Carol approaching you from the ship landed on the compound lawn.

“Hey there”, she greeted giving you a nervous smile.

“Is something wrong?”, you asked looking at the ship hoping to see Steve come out of it.

“Well yes and no. Something happened. I’m going to need you to stay calm.”

“I’m always calm”, impatient you walked towards the ship.

You stopped in your tracks when you see three more people come out of it. Two women and a man. Confused you looked back at Carol who just smiled and shrugged.

“This must be weird for you”, you heard the man say, his hoarse deep voice say.

You looked back at the three of them and wished to pinch yourself or slap yourself, anything to wake up from this dream. You looked the three of them up and down. It wasn’t too obvious but they looked a lot like Steve Tony and Nat.

The redhead man had broad shoulders, a square jaw and a Bob haircut. He was shorter than the blond woman standing beside him.

You stopped breathing for a minute when you looked at her. She was tall, taller than any woman you’d ever seen probably taller than most men. She had a sharp jawline and high cheekbones. Her short blond hair was slicked back. If you didn’t know better you would be scared by her sharp features but you couldn’t help look away from her piercing blue eyes. That’s when you realized.

“Steve?”, you breathed out after what felt like forever.

“No no, she’s Stevie now”, you whipped your heard to look at the short brunette woman standing behind the redhead. Her hair was short with flicks of grey. She had wrinkles around her eyes and mouth.

“Yeah and she’s Toni now. As in Toni with an i.”, she redhead said.

“What is going on here?!”, you yelled and looked at Carol for an explanation.

“Well we were on the mission everything was going quite well. But then somebody decided to make some sexist jokes.”, she gave Toni and the red head a icy stare. “So they changed these idiots into the opposite sex. To teach them a lesson. They will go back to their old selves soon enough.”

“Ok it was just a joke! How was I supposed to know they would be so sensitive”, Toni whined.

“Wait who are ‘they’?”, you asked her

“Aliens”, she answered and walked back to the spaceship “alright I have to leave good luck”

“Oh no you don’t. How are we supposed to fix this?” Toni chased behind her asking and then begging her to stay.

You looked at the red head who would most probably be Nat and then at Stevie. Not really knowing what to say your gaze went down Stevie’s body. Your eyes widened when you looked at the curve of her breasts. You couldn’t see them properly under her tshirt but you could tell that they were big. It was no surprise, Steve did always have big assets.

“Uh... can we go inside?”, Stevie asked awkwardly rubbing her forearm with her hand.

You hadn’t uttered a single word still speechless and in shock. Was this real life? You had solved so many problems, seen so many things over the years but never in your life did you think you would be here. Looking at your boyfriend or girlfriend, you couldn’t deal with the feelings emerging inside you or how much you wanted to touch her to see if her skin was as soft as it looked.

You could only see her arms and face as she was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. She had a soft sheen of blond hair on her arms, not nearly as coarse as Steve’s arm hair used to be. Her arms were still muscular and definied but much more slimmer. And she clearly wasn’t wearing a bra. Not that you were complaining.

She was looking down at her thighs closing them and then opening them again, probably not sure how to sit. She looked up at you and smiled.

“How are you feeling?”, you asked her.

“Strange”, she said running her hand through her short hair. “Are you okay?”

“Well...”, you started not knowing how to finish. Would she be mad if she knew what was going on in your head? She was confused and in distress this is neither the time nor the place to have unsavory thoughts.

Nat came into the common room and plopped down beside Stevie. “I just used the bathroom. It was quite interesting.”, she said nodding to herself and staring off into space. She looked like she was contemplating her entire life.

You looked at Toni grumbling and making herself a drink. “She left. Said we’ll be back to normal by tomorrow”, she sat down on the sofa in front of you sipping her drink. She looked down at her breast before squeezing one.

“Toni!”, Stevie chastised him and looked away. You laughed at both of them, Nat and Toni joined you as laughter filled the hall.

“Imagine if Stark was born a woman”, Nat wondered.

“They definitely wouldn’t call you a playboy. They'd call you much worse names.”, you said before going back to admiring Stevie in all her glory while you had time.

“I’m going to head out. Good night kids. Pray to your gods that we go back to our old selves tomorrow”, Toni said putting her empty glass on the coffee table before leaving.

Nat yawned and stretched her back. “I’m going to bed as well. Long mission. Good night”

“So, what do you wanna do?”, you tentatively asked Stevie. You were suddenly nervous around her, the way someone would be around a new crush. You went back and forth between looking at her eyes, breasts and your lap.

“Let’s just go to bed. But... uh.. I could just sleep in the guest room if you like.” She scratched her neck blushing just like your Steve would. You smiled at her. There was no need to be nervous. This was the same Steve you knew and loved.

“No. We can sleep together. I’ve missed you”, you take her hand in yours. It felt the same but a bit different. Maybe because her hands were much smaller than Steve’s.

“I’m not me though”, she mused looking at your fingers linked together.

“I don’t mind. In fact I like it”, maybe you were being too bold but this might be the only chance you ever get.

“Oh?”, she looked at you her pink plump lips pouting. They looked even more kissable right now. Her nose was slimmer but still a bit crooked. The cute confused expression on her face reminded you so much of your Steve. Which was bizarre because she was still your Steve.

You couldn’t help it anymore, you leaned in putting your hand on the armrest for support and joined both your lips. She was stiff at first but then relaxed. You licked her lips and she opened her mouth kissing you deeply. She had missed your lips and your touch for the past week.

You broke apart after a few minutes. You looked into her eyes trying to catch your breathe. You decided to sit on her lap like you usually do. She put her hand around you as you nuzzled into her neck breathing her in. She smelled different, more feminine, but you could still smell hints of Steve’s soap and cologne.

“Are you sure about this?”, she asked intensely looking into your eyes.

You cradled her face in your hands. “I am as long as you’re comfortable. I’ve always wanted to do that. Be with a woman. Just never got the chance.”

“I... uh.. wouldn’t know what to do to”, she murmured looking away.

Steve, bless his heart, would never go anywhere near porn. He always found it too gratuitous. Never mind that the few sex tapes the two of you did make were plenty gratuitous.

No matter how much he liked to act like a boy Scout you knew all his kinks and perversions. But you had seen and read your fair share of erotica and you knew what you liked. You could make it work.

“You’ve always wanted to be with a woman?”, he asked and you nodded “you never told me that”

“I don’t know. I like women but don’t even feel like thinking about anyone else when I have you. Man or woman”, you shrugged. She blushed at that giving you a wide grin.

“Well... maybe Carol..”, you trailed off. You had developed a slight crush on her since the moment you met her. She was so fierce and strong. She didn’t take shit from anyone. You smiled at how she just left everyone here and went on her next mission to save the universe.

She was someone admirable. Or maybe it was just because she was a lot like Steve. Captain and everything.

Stevie hummed at that. She had seen you looking at Carol in adoration, her suspicions were just confirmed. She didn’t feel bad or jealous. She knew you were hers.

***

You had made yourself at home between Stevies leg while she laid her head on your pillow. She was apprehensive about letting you go down on her or see her. But you were adamant about giving her the experience of a female orgasm.

Maybe you had your selfish reasons as well. You couldn’t stop looking at her pretty pink pussy. It might be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. You were tempted to whip out your phone and click a few pictures.

There were little dirty blond hair sprinkled around it. You wondered if you liked it because it was objectively pretty or because it was attached to the love of your life.

You smiled to yourself when you noticed it was glowing. She was probably getting impatient. She had been on a tasking mission, she deserves some relief. You were a bit anxious even if you knew what you had to do, you had never done it before. Your core tingled when you remembered the first time Steve ate you out. How you had to direct him and tell him exactly what to do. He was pretty much a pro at it now.

You licked a shy stripe up her lips. You gained a little bit of confidence when you felt her gasp and shiver. You licked a few more stripes before sucking on her clit. She seemed to like it when you did it faster so you increased your pace.

You pushed your tongue inside of her while licking her up. You decide to try incorporating your fingers as well. Pushing one and then two inside of her before thrusting them in and out with purpose.

She grunted and pushed your head back towards her core. “Shit”, she screamed as you began lapping her up again.

Steve never had any qualms about cursing during love making. It gave you great pleasure knowing you’re the only one that ever gets to see this wild feral side of him. Or her.

“Oh god”, she clutched your hair fisting them in her hand before coming all over your mouth. You lapped up everything you could.

You climbed up on your bed and looked down into her eyes. “How was that?”, you asked stroking her cheek.

“Pretty good”, she smiled up at you her blue eyes twinkling.

You raised your brows at her frowning. “Just pretty good?”

“It was perfect. But nothing different, I think”, she replied bringing your hand to her lips giving it a kiss. “Now it’s your turn”, she smirked.

“No”, you said firmly and got off the bed disappearing into your closet.

“No?”, she asked before sitting up trying to see what you were up to.

You return to your bed tying your favorite strap on to your hips and coating it with a generous amount of lube. You smirked when you looked at her staring at it. “What do you think?”

You already knew the answer to that question. You had used the very same toy on Steve’s ass more times than you could count. As much as you loved being dominated by him you also liked pleasing him, having him completely at your mercy.

She visibly gulped down. “How do you want to do it?”

“I’d like to look at your face.” You said holding her face in your hands stroking her cheeks. You push her down on the bed. Kneeling between her legs. You groped and stroked her body. It was unsurprisingly as soft as you imagined it would be. You held her breasts in your hands for a minute squeezing them and stroking her nipples. “they’re so soft”, you wondered out loud.

“Now you know why I like yours so much”, she said chuckling

You squeezed her pink hard nipple between your fingers before taking it in your mouth, giving it a harsh suck.

“Fuck... doll I need you”, she whined grabbing your dildo lining it up to her pussy.

You released her nipple with a pop swatting her hands away. “Be patient”, you scolded. She pouted at you but kept her hands to herself.

After sucking on her breasts for a while you lined your dildo upto her pussy. You snaked a hand under her hips to pull her up towards you, just like Steve used to do with you. You needed to be as close to her as possible.

You have her an open mouthed kiss slowly pushing into her. She moaned into your mouth. You fucked her nicely and slowly. Holding her in your hands as if she was the most precious thing to you, which she truly was.

You increased your pace when you felt her moaning and grunting loudly, knowing she was probably very close. You looked down at her face scrunched up in pleasure as she came around your cock.

You had never been able to look at Steve’s face when he came, either you were too fucked out from your own orgasms or were focusing on making him last longer.

Now looking down at her, doing something that was only pleasure able for her felt incredibly intimate. It felt better than any orgasm could’ve.

You pulled out of her, taking the strap on off before cuddling with her.

“That was something else”, she mumbled feeling high from her intense orgasm.

***

Later that night you had some how convinced Stevie to let you put make up on her. She didn’t agree at first but with some pouting she was basically putty in your hands.

You lips were set in a firm straight line in concentration as you tried not to mess up her eyeliner. Her hair was incredibly short so there wasn’t much you could do with it. You wondered if she would let you take some pictures.

“So what exactly happened? Why did they turn you into women... and man”, you asked still not sure how they were able to do it.

“It was something Tony said about never understanding women and then Natasha argued with all men are the same or something along those lines”, he said a frown on his face as if he was trying hard to remember it “I was caught in the middle of it trying to get them to stop fighting” You decided to let it go for now. Maybe she’d tell you the whole story some other day.

“One good thing about this is now you can take my name”, you smiled as you imagined Steve with your last name.

“I always thought you’d take mine. I like the thought of you as Mrs Rogers”

“Oh and why would I do that? I was one of the most renowned sheild agent and I am the best avenger”,you said puffing your chest out proudly.

“You might have some competition with that”, she teased smirking at you to which you stuck out your tongue putting some final touches on her face. “I guess our kids could just hyphenate”

You gasped at that, “kids? If you think I’m having more than one child then you’ve lost your mind. You know what it’s like to have a vagina now. Imagine pushing a child the size of a watermelon out of it”, you huffed but looking at her pretty face all your anger melted away.

“I’m sorry sweetheart. You know if I could go through it instead of you I would”, she said stroking your thighs and you knew she was sincere.

Steve would never let anything bad happen to you. Not if he could help it. After he got you back he had vowed to you that he would always protect you.

You looked at her sad face hunched down staring at the ground. She looked as if she was in another world. “Stevie what’s wrong?”

“It’s just what if the kid inherits all my illness. Or the super serum. That could be a danger to you”

You knelt down between her legs so you could look into her eyes. “Hey it’s okay”, you said softly “we don’t have to have kids. And we can always adopt. That gives us much more time”

“Are you sure?”, she asked shyly playing with a strand of your hair.

“Absolutely positive”, you beamed up at her.

***

The next morning you woke up earlier than usual. Stretching your back muscles you smiled looking at the sun shining through the window. It was a beautiful day. Perfect for a picnic. You looked to your side smiling at Steve sleeping peacefully. Wait a minute.

“Steve”, you shook him harshly.

“What?”, he rose his voice heavy and hoarse. He looked down at his body touching his pecs and abs before looking back at you. “I’m back”

“Yeah you’re back”

You both went down to the common room to find if Toni and Nat had went back to their normal selves. They were already waiting for both of you.

“Oh Rogers is back too!”, Tony said eagerly.

“Did you two have fun last night?”, Nat smirked suggestively at the two of you.

“I see neither of you learned your lesson then”, Steve shook his head at them before looking at you, catching you staring at him. “What do you miss Stevie?”

You shook your head at him. Lightly slapping his chest. “I like what’s in here. Doesn’t matter how you look”

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers smut #steve x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x oc #steve rogers x ofc #captain america x you #captain america x reader #chris evans x reader #marvel #marvel fanfiction #marvel x reader #avengers x reader #avengers x you #avengers x y/n #avengers #steve rogers #steve rodgers x reader #captain America #steve roger one shot #gender bender #chris x reader

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

An Ode To Miyazaki:

Hi everyone! So for my final paper for film, we had to pick our own director of our choosing and talk about them extensively between the attributes that make them special. Our course focused on the narrative and technical styles of directors. For my final project, I have chosen my biggest hero in the world of animation and somebody that drastically changed my life as a young child, Hayao Miyazaki. Learning about him for this project gave me so much insight into not just his films but who he is as a person. I hope that my paper is as interesting for you to read as it was for me to do research for!

1. Hayao Miyazaki, often referred to as the Japanese Walt Disney is the front runner of his animation studio Studio Ghibli. I picked him because I already have sufficient knowledge and love of his films. One of the first memories that my parents love to remind me of is my first time watching Totoro and laughing at the introduction characters. Miyazaki himself stands out for a number of reasons. Over the years, Miyazaki has made a humongous name out of himself, one of his most famous movies Spirited Away became the most popular film to ever be released in Japan and also won the academy award for the best-animated film that year. His most “popular” films (I say popular in air quotes because it is nearly impossible for people to agree on a favorite) remain the aforementioned Spirited Away, My Neighbor Totoro, Howl’s Moving Castle, and Princess Mononoke. Beginning his career as a simple animator for Toei animation, he worked as an in-between artist. It was here that he met his future collaborator at Ghibli, Isao Takahata. His first big directorial debut in film before founding Ghibli was a team effort without Takahata was Lupin The Third, The Castle Of Cagliostro. His first successful movie was one that was based upon his own manga Nausicaa of the Valley Of The Wind. The first official Miyazaki movie that was made with Ghibli was one of my personal all-time favorites that had ever been created, Castle In The Sky. For many children, especially ones with parents who are lovers of a film like mine, Miyazaki was one of the first animators that I was introduced to. His films have become classics for every fan of animation, being referenced in culture, specifically back when Disney owned Studio in Toy Story 3, Bonnie has a Totoro.

2. So, this brings up the question, how does one recognize a film by Miyazaki? You can always expect for him to be critically acclaimed, for there to be some element of magic and whimsy in the way that he animates, for there to be something to do with flight (whether it be dealing with airplanes like in Porco Rosso, the idea of flight in Howl’s Moving Castle, or a floating castle up in the sky in Castle In The Sky.), his heroines are always strong-minded and live by their own rules never bowing down to anybody, his love stories are dynamic and fulfilled, a sweeping score by Joe Hizashi, and they have a meaning about nature somewhere, mostly about why it needs to be protected.

Let’s start by breaking him down narratively. The thing that is always in every Miyazaki film no matter which one you decide upon watching, is that his female characters are always strong-willed no matter what. In many ways, I think that he writes women better than Disney does. He has gone on record saying “Many of my movies have strong female leads—brave, self-sufficient girls that don't think twice about fighting for what they believe with all their heart. They'll need a friend, or a supporter, but never a savior. Any woman is just as capable of being a hero as any man.” Sometimes, this will cause them to come across as reckless, or stupid, but in my opinion, I have always looked up to his female characters and the way that they are portrayed. My personal favorite female character that he has ever brought to life through the screen is Sophie from Howl’s Moving Castle. She is strong-minded, not willing to put up with any of Howl’s dramatics, kind, an incredible adult figure for Markal, endlessly sympathetic to her friend’s plights (namely Howl and Calcifer), and somebody that I can always look up to. I spent most of my childhood looking up to characters like Kiki in Kiki’s Delivery Service, Chihiro in Spirited Away, or one of my personal favorite underrated girls, Fio in Porco Rosso. All of these female characters are independent and never let themselves be taken advantage of by anybody.

Another trait that can always be found narratively in his films is that Miyazaki is an airplane/ air travel fanatic. He absolutely loves airplanes, even to the point where his latest film, The Wind Rises was based upon the life of one of the first airplane manufacturers in WWII. Almost all of his films will involve something about flying in the air. Even with the ones that he didn’t direct and he just simply wrote. His obsession with flight is something that stemmed from his childhood and he never saw them as a thing to be used for war “airplanes are not tools for war. They are not for making money. Airplanes are beautiful dreams. Engineers turn dreams into reality.” My personal favorite of all of his flight animation is used in Howl’s Moving Castle when Howl and Sophie “fly” over the heads of all the people below them.

Narratively also one of the biggest things that set apart his films from any others is his focus on nature. The idea of protecting the beauty of nature is something that he has always stood by. A lot of the time, America tries to prove that it can make films about nature as well to usually varying results. I think that nobody can sell an environmental message quite like my biggest hero for Japanese animation. One of the main movies that focus on his will to protect nature above all else is Princess Mononoke. He always manages to animate nature in such a beautiful and majestic way no matter where the film is set.

I also think that a narrative trait of his that often gets overlooked is how beautiful the romance in his films can be. He never has a romance between two characters that feels stale or boring. I love the fact that you can pick any number of his films and the chance of there being a romance that you’ll get sucked into is a very large one. Everybody has their personal favorites, I love Howl and Sophie from Howl’s Moving Castle but my best friend loves Sousuke and Ponyo from Ponyo. He has on record saying that “I’ve become skeptical of the unwritten rule that just because a boy and girl appear in the same feature, a romance must ensue. Rather, I want to portray a slightly different relationship, one where the two mutually inspire each other to live - if I’m able to, then perhaps I’ll be closer to portraying a true expression of love.” Writing romance between two characters can be a very tricky thing which is why it’s always amazing when he can continually pull it off despite everything and how many films that he has made over the years. The beauty of having both a strong and independent male and the female character is that they can both lean on one another for love and support. Probably the biggest supporter of this is Whisper Of The Heart, a film that he wrote instead of directing. The romance is what makes up the entire film. It’s a beautiful love story about how two young teenagers fall in love with each other. The romance is something that continually keeps me coming back for more every time.

Technical style Miyazaki can always be assured to deliver breathtakingly stunning animation. There is a reason why so many people leave his films starving because the food that he draws always looks so good. For me though, it’s the backgrounds that stand out above all else. It’s nearly impossible to have one favorite shot in one of his films but I as a matter of fact do have one. The most breathtaking animation in any Miyazaki film is the scene where Howl takes Sophie to see his secret garden. Everything about this scene never fails to make my breath catch. It’s such a profoundly beautiful moment and how it is animated is something that I haven’t forgotten since my first initial viewing of the film when I was seven.

Another iconic technical trait is that Disney did a fantastic job dubbing the films from their original Japanese language into English. Back when Ghibli films first started to become popular, they needed a way for an American audience to see them. So Pixar’s CFO at the time, John Lassater made a deal with Ghibli that they would dub all the films from their original language for a brand new audience. Growing up, this was how I watched all of Miyazaki’s films. I fell in love with the way that they sounded in English. To this very day, I have yet to see one of his films in any other language. I don’t think that anybody could have dubbed them better. Ever since Ghibli and Disney went their separate ways and they went to GKids the dubs haven’t been the same.

Finally, the last technical trait is that a Miyazaki film will always have a score done by his longtime collaborator Joe Hizashi. The score is such a big part of what makes Miyazaki’s films his own. They are what get you sucked in through their whimsical and magical tones; they always fit the vibes that he’s going through at that moment. There is also the element of sound. Every Miyazaki film has a distinct sound effect that will set it apart from the one before it.

3. The first film that I want to look at is my personal favorite of all his films that he has made so far if you were to force me to pick just one Howl’s Moving Castle. Released in 2004, it was the 9th film that the director came out with. It has an 8.2 out of 10 on IMDB and an 87% on Rotten Tomatoes. The storyline for the movie follows a young woman named Sophie. She gets a curse set upon her by the Witch of the Waste and when she leaves home she finds the infamous Howl’s Moving Castle. This is the second Ghibli movie voiced by a Batman live action actor. Christian Bale voiced Howl Pendragon after Michael Keaton played the titular Porco Rosso.

Narratively this is definitely a Miyazaki film. From how strong of a female character Sophie is I spent most of my childhood looking up to her as a character. Strong female characters are everywhere in his films and in my opinion, Sophie is one of the strongest. Another strong factor is that flight plays a major part in this film. One of Howl’s main powers is that he has the ability to fly around. This leads to my favorite scene of flight in any Miyazaki film when Howl takes Sophie’s hand and they “fly” over the tops of the city down below them. All of his early films up until the last few were set in someplace other than Japan. This one is set in Europe, and he takes a lot of time while in the cities to show off all the different types of buildings while Sophie tours around the city.

Technically speaking this is also a Miyazaki film and holds all the titular traits of being so. The animation is utterly for lack of a better word, magical and spellbinding. It takes my breath away every time that I rewatch it. The food looks incredible, one scene that most of Miyazaki’s fans always think of when this movie is brought up is Calcifer making the food for Howl, Sophie, and Markal to eat. The dub for this film is also one of Disney’s best dubs for Miyazaki films. It even brings actors to the table that I usually would not like to see in other films like Christian Bale. I haven’t loved him in any other films than this one. Billy Crystal is a stand-out as well as my favorite fire demon Calcifer. The score is done by Joe Hizashi as well. My favorite part of the score is the main theme which has Howl and Sophie floating above the people below. The sound effect that follows throughout this film is the steady creaking of the castle itself.

Princess Mononoke was the first time that Miyazaki ever “retired”. Most of the time, whenever he tries to retire, he always comes back. A lot of his colleague's joke that it’s because he physically can’t stop working. He animated most of this movie by himself. Before Spirited Away it was Japan’s most famous film to date. The story about a young man who is just trying to erase the curse that was set upon him by an angry boar and it leads him to a place called Iron Town is something that never fails to amaze me. While in Iron Town, Ashitaka meets a young woman named San who was taken in by wolves and he finds himself caught between a war involving humans and the gods of the forest.

Narratively this is definitely a Miyazaki film. It has a strong female lead, focusing most of its screen time on how important it is to protect and preserve nature as a whole. The idea of protecting nature is such a moving part of the film, as we see what it does when man takes over the forest. We see how distraught it makes the Gods of this world and how they wish that the humans would just go away. However, you also see it from the point of view of the villain of the film Lady Eboshi, who also regularly helps lepers and people who would often never get work outside of her offering them a home and a family. I have regularly gotten into a debate with my mom over which side is “right” and which side “wrong” over the course of the last few years of me being a massive fan of this movie. She takes the side of the forest while I see Ashitaka’s side that everybody should just get along and interact in peace and harmony. Miyazaki never shoves the idea of nature down your throat. That is not what this film is. It’s instead about the beauty of what we have and learning to appreciate it.

On a technical level, this film is fantastic as well. It blows my mind that Miyazaki-san animated most of it all by himself. The backgrounds are sweeping and utterly gorgeous showing off the time period of the film. The fight sequences which make up the bulk of the film’s running time are engaging, thrilling, and fabulously animated. Mononoke’s score was done by Joe Hizashi as well. Its score is beautiful and I always find myself getting sucked into it, especially for the more dynamic scenes with Ashitaka and San. The sound effect for this film uses nature as a backdrop for brutality. Ashitaka’s arrows don’t just come out of his bow, they screech through the air.

Finally, my last film that we will be focusing on, Kiki’s Delivery Service was made in 1989 a year after his cult phenomena My Neighbor Totoro and was his fifth animated feature. Kiki is a young girl that is hoping to become a young witch in training. However, to do so she has to train a year away from home. She and her cat Jiji find a town by the sea where she learns her true strength and what she can really do to help others. Hayao Miyazaki didn't want to bore the audience during the film's end credits by using just the names. He set it up to be like a mini-sequel so that the audience would leave the theatre feeling happy.

Narratively this has all the traits that one should be familiar with and associate with a Miyazaki film. It has a strong-minded female character at the source of it that young girls can look up to and admire. As a kid, Kiki was my favorite female character of his because I loved her strength and her dedication to what she was good at. She knew that she was still young and had a lot to learn but even though she gets depressed she doesn’t let that stop her in the long run and will still save her love interest Tombo. The romance in this film is by far one of the sweetest. I love the interactions between the characters and the way that they both inspire one another to be better than they are. The idea of flight is basically the focal point of everything. Kiki finds that her best trait is that she flies incredibly well and decides to create her own flying delivery service.

Technically this also has a lot of traits that Miyazaki made a name for himself in doing. The animation is spectacular, especially for Kiki’s flying. I could watch her fly around all day and that was the idea that he was going for while making the film. The sweeping score by Joe Hizashi, especially in my favorite song A Town With An Ocean View, is something that I’ll often listen to outside of the film itself. The sound effects for the film are meant to be calming. From the first sound that you hear of the wind rolling through the reeds while Kiki lies against the grass to the waves when she finally finds a home.

4. Miyazaki as a director has inspired me since I was way too young to even remember. When I was a kid I would pretend to run around my apartment building's front yard imagining that I lived in a big house in front of a camper tree like the one in Totoro. His movies are perfect for children that “suffer” from having an overactive imagination. His movies are everything that is bright and beautiful in the world. The animation never fails to take my breath away, the characters and stories are unforgettable, the soundtracks sweep me away and tell stories themselves. His movies are something that even my parents, who are not anime fans, can watch over and over again. I think that speaks for itself. Miyazaki makes films that are art, not just animated films.

[lauwrite1225]

Somebody to die for.

Finan x OC; The Old Guard inspired Alternative Universe

Summary : Victoria’s life is rather simple until she has a car accident from which she ends up miraculously unscathed. A series of weird events animates her daily life, everything seemingly bringing her to a strange man. Until this very man knocks at her door.

Spotify Playlist • Masterlist

A/N : Happy F- SIHTRIC SUNDAY!! I'm so sorry for the time it took to publish, but I had a lot of classes and the person that proofread my chapters usually was very busy, so i have to thanks @osferth for proofreading this week💕💕 Anyway! There it is! Thank you so much for all your comments and likes and so sorry again for being late D: 💕

Warnings : mention of deaths

Chapter 7 : Je suis le roi, le roi des cons

“Are ya sure it’s here?”

“Yes I am. I saw the name of this supermarket and there’s no one else around.” 

Finan sighs annoyingly, leaning back in the driver’s seat, his fingers drumming impatiently on the gear level. They have been waiting in the back parking of the Carrefour for three hours now, looking for the woman they are suspecting knows Osferth. They arrived in France two days ago, and Victoria couldn’t help the surprised look she gave to Finan when she realised how good he was speaking french.

“French women find the accent sexy when I speak french and others find speaking french hot.” He explained after they asked their way to a woman who gave him a gracious smile after. 

“Oh, a real benefit then.” She commented, pretending to be impressed, even if she might be part of the other women.

Finan grinned broadly. “Indeed.”

Another thing that this time didn’t make her laugh, was Finan’s skills when it comes to stealing a car. She never felt more nervous than when he asked her to check if no one was coming while he was trying to start the car. 

“Maybe she doesn’t work today.” He mumbles under his breath but Vicky ignores him when she spots a woman coming out of the back door. 

“Oh Christ, I think it’s her.” She exclaims, taping Finan’s arm to have him look. 

The woman walks away from the door, looking at her phone while searching something in her bag. “Alright, I'm goin', stay in the car.” He says, opening the door as Vicky rolls her eyes, tired of always having to wait in the car. 

“Bonne chance!” She tells him with her best french accent, looking forward to how he'll convince the woman to tell them where Osferth is. (Good luck!)

Finan rolls his eyes and closes the door. She immediately opens the window to try to hear something, even if she doubts being able to understand half of the conversation, but at least their tones would give her a clue on how well it's going. 

“Excusez-moi de vous déranger!” He calls the woman and she immediately looks up to him with furrowed eyebrows. (Sorry to bother you!)

Victoria leans forward, trying to see the woman's expression as Finan and her talk. She seems on her guard, looking around and her hand playing with her car's keys. She shakes her head and starts to walk away but Finan catches her back, grabbing her arm. Doubting he will succeed with how reluctant the woman is, she opens the car and joins them, taking her sketchbook with her. When he notices her approaching, the Irishman lets go of her arm while she studies Victoria with the same distrust that she has for Finan. 

“She says she doesn't know him.” He grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I don't know who the hell you are talking about.” She confirms with a light French accent, though she keeps staring at Vicky awkwardly. 

Victoria opens her sketchbook to a page where she drew Osferth and her on the next one. She gives her the work and her eyes widen. “You must know him, because he does know you.” She says in a soft but nonetheless determined tone. 

The woman hesitates, looking between the two strangers and then back to the drawing. “How did you do that?” She asks Vicky. 

“I've been dreaming of him, just like he probably does dream of me, right?” She tilts her head and at how the woman bites her lip, she knows she's right. Through her dreams she has learned that Osferth and she are close and that he told her his secret. Finan keeps thinking it was risky to trust the woman, but Vicky is confident. 

“Are you like him?” She asks carefully, Vicky and Finan nodding immediately. “What do you want from him?”

Vicky glances at Finan for some sort of approval before answering. “He may be in danger, we need to talk to him.”

She runs her hand through her hair before giving back her sketchbook to Vicky, her expression conflicted between mistrust and worry. But she eventually sighs and accepts. “Alright, follow my car.”

Victoria huffs in relief while Finan mutters something in Gaelic. She stretches out her hand toward the woman with a kind smile. “I'm Victoria, and this is Finan.”

“Sophie.” She replies before they separate to join their respective cars. 

Vicky can't help but smile widely once they are on the road, excited by the idea of meeting others like her. She dares to hope that this time, no one will die as when she met Finan. The thought amuses her and she turns to him to remind him of it, but she changes her mind when she notices how tensed his jaw is, his thumb tapping the steering wheel frantically. He is nervous again, like he has been since they arrived in France. He hasn't seen his friends for centuries and she supposes that he fears their rejection. Though she hopes that her presence could ease possible tensions. 

When they stop at a red light, Victoria reaches for his forearm, her palm grazing over it until her thumb can rub the back of his hand. He turns his head to her and she didn't expect his intense dark gaze to leave her breathless. However she doesn't look away and gives him the most reassuring smile she is able to make, her fingers squeezing his wrist. 

“It's going to be alright.” 

His features seem to ease at her words and he let go of his grip on the steering wheel to shift his hand and grab hers, but before he can, the light is green again and a car behind urges them to move. Victoria removes her hand, looking away as she becomes aware of the heat in her cheeks. 

They don't talk for the rest of the way. They quickly are driving through the countryside, still following Sophie close, and Vicky finds that it isn’t so different from England.  After twenty minutes, she takes a small dirt road that makes the car tremble. They enter a thick pine forest and she has to hold the handle above the window’s door while the car struggles in the mud. But finally they reach a small clearing, an old stoned house standing in the middle of it. Sophie stops her car while a man, alarmed by the engine noises walks out of the house. The french joins the blond man and exchanges a few words that confuse him. Victoria gets out of the car and who she now recognizes perfectly as Osferth looks at her with wide eyes, but it's nothing compared to how his mouth drops when the driver door slams and he stares at Finan appearing behind her. 

“Finan?” Osferth calls him, disbelieving. 

The Irish warrior stops a few steps in front of Vicky, a tight and shy smile on his face, his eyes not daring to meet his friend's one. “Hi Baby Monk.” He greets him, waving his hand. 

Osferth huffs a laugh before crossing the gap between them until he takes him in a strong embrace, letting Finan frozen by surprise for a second. He wraps his arms around his friend's shoulders, holding him tightly and Vicky can't help the way her heart melts at the scene. 

“You are alive.” Osferth breathes, his hands holding Finan. 

Finan chuckles. “I can hardly die, Osferth.”

The blond man opens his mouth, but finally gives him an awkward smile. Then, he turns to Victoria, studying her intently with his clear eyes. “How did you find me?”

Finan glances at Vicky, giving her a grin before looking back at his friend. “Through Victoria's dreams. She is just like us.”

Osferth makes another huff and softly smiles at her, which she gives another huff. “I thought it wasn't real.” He blinks a few times before motioning and designating the house. “Come, come inside.”

Osferth leads them inside, and Vicky can't help but whisper 'I told you' to Finan before they pass the front door. He rolls his eyes, but keeps smiling, so she squeezes his arm gently before taking place at the table Osferth points at. Sophie brings them glasses of water and finally sits next to Osferth, quite close in Vicky's opinion. 

The former monk, if she believes what Finan told her about him, leans forward, his hands joined upon the table. “So, how did you two meet?”

Vicky puts down her glass. “Well, Finan followed his dreams, just like we did for you. One day he knocked at my door and killed himself in my flat.”

She can feel Finan offended glare at how she foretold their meeting. “That's a really short summary.” He comments, pointing a finger at her but speaking at their hosts' attention.

Vicky waves her hand. “The most important lines.” 

Osferth and Sophie only nod slowly, the story sounding really strange in just a few words. Though, the blond shakes his head and turns to Vicky with a hint of curiosity making him narrow his eyes. “But how long have you been immortal? We've traveled all around the world and we have never found someone else.”

Vicky hesitates, so much happened in so little time to her that she isn't sure anymore. “Hum… About two months.”

“Oh… So you died in the car accident?” Osferth raises his eyebrows until she nods in agreement. “And, why are you here?” He asks, this time looking at both of them alternately. 

Vicky glances at Finan, his smile now gone, and clear her throat. “Maybe you've seen it, but we've been attacked.” 

“We don't know who they are but they were searchin' for Victoria, and they knew that she is immortal even if she talked about it to no one.” Finan explains, his hand moving with the glass still in it.

Sophie gives a sort of gasp and she grabs Osferth's hand. “You think they could search for us too?” The monk frowns.

Finan shakes his head and presses his index on the table. “I don't know, but if they've found her, they can find y'all too. You need to warn Uhtred and Sihtric, to tell them to be careful.” 

“I can't warn them.” Osferth answers after a heart beat.

This time, it's Finan who frowns, letting go of the glass. “What?” He leans forward after a blink. “No, you must know where they-”

“I can't warn them, Finan.” He cuts across him. “Because Sihtric is gone and Uhtred… Uhtred is dead.”

The sudden silence is thick as Victoria falls breathless at Osferth's words. She can't believe what he said and she has to keep herself from asking him to repeat it. But the monk's tight expression, his jaw twitching and lips pinching, is enough to prove her that she heard him well. 

“What? How's that possible?” Finan asks, confused.

“We don't know, but it did happen.” Osferth answers, looking down.

“When?”

He opens his mouth, searching words and Sophie holds his hand tighter but still tenderly. “It was during the Second World War. We were going to save prisoners from German soldiers. We were just the three of us, but Uhtred was determined and sure it would go as we planned. But it was a trap, there were no prisoners. So we ran away, they were shooting at us and we got separated. It took me two hours to find Sihtric. We searched for Uhtred and when we found him, he still hadn't come back.” 

He makes a pause, taking a deep breath while tears roll down his cheeks, a reflection of those on Finan's face. But when Osferth struggles to speak through the deep sadness that his friend's loss provoked, Finan on the other hand still can't believe it, eyes wide and not even staring at the monk anymore. As Vicky blinks, she realises her eyes are wet too, of shock and compassion for her friend.

Osferth swallows before continuing his story. “We waited so long, under the rain, utterly wet and freezing like hell. But he never came back.” He wipes his tears with his sleeve. 

“Sihtric?” Finan asks under his breath. 

The monk sniffs and sighs regretfully. “We tried to stay together, but he was more and more distant. One day he just… He just left without a word.”

Finan nods but Victoria doubts he has accepted the information. He stands up, his hand flat on the table and his face dark, the chair squeaking as he does so. He is about to say something, the three others staring at him, but he just closes his mouth and leaves the house. 

“I'm so sorry.” Vicky stammers, torn apart between Finan's pain that affects her more than she expected and the shock of the revelation. She rises from her chair as well, her hand waving toward the door. “I should go with him, see if he's fine.”

Sophie walks around the table and rubs her arm in a kind attempt. “Sure, go.”

When she is outside, Victoria perceives Finan crouched, gripping his hair fiercely, his back to her. She steps carefully toward him but he doesn't react until she runs her hand between his shoulder blades.

“I'm such an idiot.” He whispers barely audibly before he stands up, towering one head over Victoria of one head. She bites her lip at how much hatred is burning in his eyes, but the anger is only towards himself. “I'm a fuckin' idiot!” He shouts, gripping his shirt over his chest. “If I wasn't so stubborn. If I had searched for them before, maybe it wouldn't have happened, maybe I could have helped, maybe-” 

“Finan that's enough.” She orders him, clasping her palms over his cheeks to force him to look at her. “Rewriting the past is useless, it will change nothing.”

“They were my brothers and I abandoned them.” He mutters guiltily. 

She brushes back the hair falling over his forehead, resting her hand then on the back of his neck. “You're not responsible for what happened.”

He lets out some sort of strangled sob before leaning down, seeking the comfort of her embrace and she doesn't reject him. For the second time in a few days, she lets him cry on her shoulder, holding him tight. Her heart squeezes, thinking about the new wound Uhtred's loss is creating in the middle of the Irishman's heart already full of scars. He spoke to her of his friend and his adventures with so much pride and joy, describing the strong bond between them. She can only imagine the pain through the one she would feel if she learned Rebecca's death.

When he has calmed down, after long minutes, she stays with him while he smokes a cigarette, sitting on the floor, back against the car. “It doesn't make sense.” He mutters, smoke escaping his mouth. 

Vicky glances at him. “Maybe we are just an anomaly?” She says, not really having thought about it before asking. “And our death has just been programmed in the wrong time.”

Finan huffs, closing his red and swollen eyes before raising his face to the now darkening sky. “That's crazy.”

“As if something hasn't been so far.” She shrugs before resting her head against his shoulder, closing her eyelids as well and remaining focused on Finan's slow breath.

“Thank ya.” He whispers, barely audible as the words mixed with his exhale. 

“For what?” 

“Bein' here.”

Tag :​ @for-bebbanburg @osferth ​ @maggiescarborough ​ @finansarms ​ @dumbledoreisnotmyhubby @solinarimoon

#the old guard #the last kingdom #finan #finan the agile #tlk #fanfiction #finanxoc #somebody to die for

[tireddal]

Slight Yandere! Douma with Demon! S/o Headcanons

☆ he will be in terrible condition first time when he suddenly realizes that he has got feelings to you? or it just interest? he wouldn't understand what had happened. all upper moons will worry about him when they see douma without any fake emotions on his features. and that is going to be fearful. and most terrifying for you, when muzan order you to go on mission together with douma. you wanted to go with akaza, but sadly, he is on another mission.

douma and you will complete mission successfully. while eating humans you feel somebody's scrutinizing look on yourself. when you turn around, you will see douma, who with calm and cold expression compares dead woman's turned off head and...you?

-douma, is something wrong? you could request muzan-sama about other partner,-you will stretch your black clutches. you respect douma-san, but wouldn't die from fight with him.

he won't answer you and just throw away woman's head. at the moment you swear that you can die.

☆ douma will harm himself, when understand feeling. first time it will be disgusting, like poison in his perfect body. he will try to throw this away, afraid of it and inspired by strange pain.

☆ one day he will come to upper moon's meeting with the brightest smile that you have ever seen. akaza and you will set together, frustrated. douma will be with smile, but it's not fake, it smells like something unhealth??

☆ you go to your hidden estate, when you will feel cold and strong arms around your frame.

-Y/n-chan!-you will be in stupor of dismay,-I think, we should chat a bit~

☆ douma will try to keep you inside his temple, but after some blood fights and muzan's quiet reminder that •he• needs you for war, douma will give up in this deal.

☆ clingy then has ever been. cuddles, strong hugs, kisses. he will try to keep you on his lap 25/8, despite upper moon's worrying looks and comments.

☆ will become VERY defensive. douma will go with you on all missions when he hasn't got his own. most part of time will take you up bridal style and doesn't care about your complaints-after all, you only moon three like akaza.

☆ akaza will be in serios danger. one time male upper moon three will try to defeat you from douma's molestations and...it will become reminder for all upper moons why douma has high rank. you and daki will collect little akaza's body bloody parts, which douma made with smile.

☆ so after this akaza won't say anything bad about douma :> (he doesn't want to die)

☆ you should become friends with kokushibou, because only upper moon one is possible to give douma opposition.

☆ douma will stop eating girls and women, because he's afraid that you will take umbrage. you don't care because view of douma who tears women's bodies like clay is fearful and not reason to umbrage.

☆ it's okay only because you're upper moon, but all will changes for other upper moons too. they will be really scary from seeing mad douma.

☆ stalking. whenever you will be, he doesn't care.

☆ if some ordinary demons will just look at you, they continue near your estate's door.

#kny x reader #kny anime #kny imagines #kny #kny douma #douma #douma x reader #demons slayer #kimetsu anime #kimetsu no yaiba

[witchyaqua]

planets in the 5th house

DOMAIN OF THE 5TH HOUSE

Creative self-expression (painting, drawing, sculpting, sewing, writing, acting, music, dance, woodworking, etc.), and the art you make

Creative, pleasure-seeking sex drive

Your children, and the qualities they inherit from you

Falling in love, and having a young romance

Fun (games, gambles, parties, hobbies, recreational activities, entertainment)

Weekends, vacations, holidays, and relaxing time off

SUN IN THE 5H:The act of creating – be it art, invention, stories, crafts, or even children – is what you live to do. Your own chosen discipline will depend on what it is you enjoy doing the most. For some, their chosen avenue is fine art, and they love to design, draw, paint, sculpt, and write. Others like performance art, preferring to be active in their artistry when they sing, dance, play music, or act. There are those who are crafty and like to sew, decorate, and make and build things. For some it is their children, their literary creations, which constantly boost their ego by being cute and special. And then there are the people who go for games and sports above all else, who like to play around and engage in their competitive spirits. You can be any combination of these, from artist to performer to parent or sports fan. The point is, whatever it is you like to do, you do it because you have a fundamental desire to create and have fun.The other side of the fun-and-pleasure coin, apart from creativity, is romance. There are realms of life that you need to experience with a Leo or Aries-type of partner and the wonders of love and sex are definitely some of them. You adore the pampering, the flirting, the cutesy-cuddly-lovey-dovey side of things. That feeling of being special that your crave so deeply can be found when you are with somebody that makes you feel that way. But you also need somebody who can keep up with you energetically, add some fun into your life, and share your colourful hobbies together. Because you experience a great deal of love through your ego, it is all too easy for you to soak up a lot of praise and attention like it is all for you and then not give any back again. It is important that your ego remains ripe and healthy, or else your vitality and creative energy fails and you become bitter. But if you want children, and pets, and love, and to have healthy relationships you need to learn to shine brightly upon others and make them feel special too.

MOON IN THE 5H:Your creativity comes and goes like the changing faces of the moon, ebbing in and out like the tides she sways back and forth. You are highly changeable in this way. Yet you are also constant in that you always come back to it, carried by a need that is natural to you. Your mother likely had a hand in fostering your creative expression. And when you create you are finding your inner child, connecting to the spirit inside of you that needs to do and make and feel.Children are another sort of creation, and one that you are strongly in line with having. When you have children of your own you will give them this emotional and creative part of yourself. Nurturing and compassionate, you resemble the playful mother or father figure ever present in children’s media. However, there is a cold underside to this warm and happy Moon. You tend to be moody and dramatically emotional, using your moods to manipulate your children into doing what you want rather than directly telling them. You can be needy and clingy, never wanting them to grow up and leave the home, always wanting them to remain by your side. It is a testament not only to how much your children need you, but how much you need them as well. The Moon is highly changeable, fluctuating and rhythmic, but it doesn’t like change. Emotions seek out the security and safety of constancy and trust. You love your children very much, and so tenaciously hold onto family times with them for as long as you can. But you need to understand that your relationships with your children will go through phases, just like your creative energies go through phases, and that is okay. You are a kind and intuitive parent and are loved whole-heartedly by your children!

MERCURY IN THE 5H:Your loving, romantic, and sexual sides of life are perhaps your most engaging, occupying a large amount of your time with interesting lovers around you. Second are the creative aspects of your life, the projects, artistic works, and hobbies with which you fill your free time. Later in life when you have children, that may just become your newest and most interesting ongoing project to date. The things that give you joy are the things that hold your attention the longest. You find creating new things, pouring out your heart and soul into new ventures, entirely fascinating. Boring things that you do not like to do, do not hold your attention long enough for you to get anything done. It seems more often than not that you have a child’s attention-span, which is true!You will fall in love with those who reflect the qualities of your 5th House. You are likely to get along with Gemini and Virgo types for that reason. The Gemini side of things involves much learning, talking, and communication between you and other people. This is where you delight one another in wonderful conversations discussion the nature of the world. You can’t fall in love with someone you don’t have interesting conversations with. It just won’t happen! The Virgo side of this placement is slightly different. This involves conversation of a more analytical nature, of dissecting the world around you and figuring things out. You run of the risk of being too critical here, especially of your loved ones, as your mind seeks to perfect that which lies in your 5th House. Together these signs give you much changeability, suiting both your fickleness in love and your desire to learn more. Romantically and sexually you are inclined towards many affairs with many different kinds of people. Constant change and a steady stream of new people keeps you mentally stimulated. When it comes to love, sex, and fun, you need to be intellectually interested in the person or the thing you are doing. Boredom spells disaster in that respect!

VENUS IN THE 5H:You are in love with love! You usually gravitate towards Taurus or Libra personalities who are the very essence of Venus: beautiful, harmonious, relationship-oriented, sensual, and with a shared love of the arts. But you may also be drawn to other Leo-types who mirror your child-like creative drive and dramatic emotional ways. Love, sex, fun, and pleasure are top priorities with this placement, and you want a lover who fulfills all of those needs at once. Constant streams of praise and attention should also feature. You need to feel as though they passionately adore you in every waking moment and as though they dream only of you at night. Overall it can be seen that you have had many relationships that contain both love and sex. Your drive for sex and romance is as great as your drive for creative expression!This is a highly creative place for the already artistic Venus to be. Armed with a desire to make beautiful things, you create a personal style that has flair, drama, and beauty inherent in it. You may lean towards more sensual beauty and indulge in cooking and gardening. Or you may take a route through the fine arts and enjoy drawing, painting, writing, sculpting, acting, music, interior decorating, fashion, and more aesthetic pleasures. You love not only making art, but being around it as well – trips to galleries and museums, craft classes, theatres, going out to shows. You appreciate what art does for humanity and how important it is culturally. Furthermore, you have the talent necessary to be successful in the art and entertainment industries. Being artistic is one way you can make your life feel more balanced, more harmonized with your natural spirit. Having a creative outlet is very important for your emotional and spiritual wellness. It is one of your greatest sources of pleasure and something you indulge in often. In order for you to feel fulfilled with your life you must find an avenue to express your desire to create. This will trickle down into other areas of your life eventually as well, spurring a desire to create children of your own eventually.

MARS IN THE 5H:You tend to fall in love quickly at first sight, rush impulsively into sexual affairs, get bored quickly, and then leave just as fast. You are ambitious in your pursuit of love and willful in getting the person you want. There is conflict with your loves ones over your ego, your impatience in making love, your attempts to dominate the relationship, and how competitive you can be with others both inside and outside of the relationship. Yet you possess such a strong personal magnetism and virile energy that lovers can’t help but be spellbound by you. The aggression you display in love can be a problem, but in the bedroom it is exciting! Your strength, confidence, sexual potency, and need for independence mean that you dislike the clingy or the needy, and that you are better suited for a relationship that doesn’t require you to be around 24/7. For the right lover who can handle you, you are a dream come true.You need to be a winner in the games and sports that you love to play. You need to create the best, biggest, most awe-inspiring works of art imaginable, because you can’t settle for second place. Mars is put into all of your creative work, too, as seen on the stamp of individuality you have in your style. You are one for creative achievements; armed with enough drive and determination to be successful in any creative field (particularly the art and entertainment industries). Mars shows where lies part of your ambition, and placed in the 5th House you have strong powers of creation. As your strong sex drive leads to the creation of children, your drive to be creative leads to you dominating the creative arts. Whatever your chosen artistic outlet is – fine arts, performance arts, writing, crafts, trades, etc. – you put a heavy amount of your energy into what you are making. You possess a natural flair for amping up the energy and making people excited. Your natural dramatic flair and enthusiasm is contagious!

JUPITER IN THE 5H:You are a naturally romantic person, seeking pleasure of every kind in your love and sex lives. Luck finds you often in love; many people look at your lovers and regard what a catch they are. You can be sometimes indiscreet about your love life (letting others know more than their share), but that’s what happens with this placement! You seem destined to fall in love with those with Sagittarius-like or Piscean qualities, as those two signs most resemble Jupiter’s exaggerated and expansive energy. In lovers you are looking for someone who can make you laugh, someone with a captivating entertaining personality. You are attracted to generosity, indulgence, big-hearted displays of affection, and a joint pleasure-seeker. Perhaps you want someone to share in an adventure – traveling the world, taking trips, exploring things together. Or perhaps you want to venture mentally, expanding your mind, teaching and learning things from one another. Sagittarius will wonder you with how funny they can be, how adventurous, and in how open-minded they are. And Pisces will enchant you through their dreamy looks, captivating beauty, and how kind their soul is. Through your choice lovers you will become wiser. You may even find new spiritual or philosophical insights into your own life.You enjoy exciting recreational activities like sporting events, parties, theater, and gambling. You life is filled with hobbies and activities that are fun, exciting, and entertaining. Adventurous sports and games of chance are some of your favourites. But watch out for some extravagant gambling highs and lows! Your creative side runs along much the same course. You expand and elaborate on other people’s ideas until you have created something that is entirely your own. Two of your best outlets for Jupiter’s expression are in performance arts (acting, music, anything on stage or on screen) and physical activities like sports. There is a lot of dramatic flair in whatever you do creatively. Jupiter needs to expand on everything and make it bigger, louder, more impressive, and more fantastic than everyone else. Your performances have more energy and excitement than anyone else’s. You are a natural born entertainer, and you know what you have to do in order to get and keep people’s attention on you.

SATURN IN THE 5H;Your ability to let loose and just have fun is severely limited. You do not know how to enjoy games or the casual pastime. Having fun is serious business! Somehow you have amassed a massive insecurity when it comes to expressing yourself and your individuality; you are afraid that what you have made is not good enough, and this fear reflects even deeper feelings about yourself. You experienced one or both parents (likely the father) as an expert, talent, or authority when it came to creativity, sports, or games. He trained you, guided you, taught you skills and lessons and pushed you to get better all the time. At times you hated it because it wasn’t fun anymore; he was invading your hobby, what you did for fun, and turning it into a chore to practice over and over again. Achievement became the central goal of your project, not the pleasure or the fun. These experiences stuck with you and coloured your adult attitudes towards your pastimes. Fun is now a matter of dedication, discipline, expertise, and success.You take your creative projects, your hobbies, games, sports, and so on very seriously. You are committed to them as one would be divinely committed to any career or meaningful goal. You only know how to undertake long-term goals like writing a book, athletic training, or running a creative-based business; you find it much harder to just casually write a short story, draw the odd drawing, write the odd song, play the odd game, work out sometimes. You need to dedicate yourself to the cause or not participate at all. Everything is very black-and-white in your 5th House. And everything is quite grey, too. You suffer from low self-esteem, low self-worth, insecurity, even shyness. You work alone in private spaces and hide your project for years, telling yourself you aren’t ready yet, it isn’t good enough. You are never ready to open up and show everybody what you have been seriously dedicated to for the past several years, even though you hope to make a career of it. It is a fact that our creative expressions are reflections of our most personal inner selves, and having our art or our abilities harshly criticized is tantamount to having our heart broken. It is your karma to overcome these fears, stop worrying, and become more flexible. If not for you, then for your future children.

URANUS IN THE 5H:You tend to fall in and out of love quickly. Passion strikes you quickly and then leaves just as fast, causing you to be somewhat “undecided” about whether or not you are in love with someone. At any given time you likely have several ongoing crushes and are entirely uncertain about which to pursue and when. Even when you are in a relationship your eyes wander and wonder about what could happen with other people. This does not necessarily indicate that you are one for affairs, but it does mean that you feel happiest when you have the freedom to roam around within your love and sex life. This stems from Uranus’ innate restlessness, the ongoing desire for novelty and experimentation within the realm of love and happiness. You prefer to charm and date older people for they have more experience, more knowledge to pass onto you. What you seek are Gemini or Aquarius types who can give you an unconventional sex life – two things that can keep you interested for a longer period of time.When it eventually comes to your creations, they embody the same Uranus-energy as that which is present inside of you when you create them. Weird love and crazy sex breeds unique and different children, and an alternative taste spawns innovative and inventive arts and crafts. Your entire creative style, from what you make to the way you dress, is so alternative and modern in style that it defies all familiar structures entirely. You push your boundaries and invent new things, billowing strange and crazy ideas out of the back of your imagination. Creative insight comes to you in sudden spontaneous bursts that inspire you to drop everything and move quickly to get the idea out there. Whatever your hobby or creative endeavor may be, be it drawing, writing, designing, building, crafting, or anything in between, one can say with certainty that you are extraordinary and gifted at being original. There is an ongoing journey of self discovery to realizing your full potential here. You push boundaries and develop quickly, all while demanding your freedom to express yourself.

NEPTUNE IN THE 5H:You excel in any kind of creative art but particularly in music, dance, and drama. You love movies, television, the theatre, and performance art of all kinds; the entertainment industry fascinates you, and you would do well in it if you decided to take to the stage. Neptune here allows you to express your feelings with enormous magnitude, which denotes a performer and a comedian in the best of ways. But even if you chose a shyer route (like writing, drawing, or painting, something quiet that you can do alone) your work would still have the same big, extravagant colours as an extroverted piece. What exactly your side-hobbies are is not important. What is important is that you have an outlet for your imagination and your desire to create. You without a creative outlet are like a plant without sunlight: sad, limp, and malnourished of the soul.Of course, where Neptune lies in your chart is a place of illusions, and those places where she seems to bring joy and talent can also be a place of suffering. Her house placement shows where you seek to find heaven on earth – where you set up high, unrealistic expectations that could never come true. Neptune, by nature, is not of the earth, and when you encounter the reality of this house you are always disappointed with what you actually got. Then she starts up with her tricks again. One moment she blesses you with an unparalleled flair for the arts, the next she makes you feel like a failure that will never be as good as someone else. Happiness finds you one day and depression the next. It feels often like you just don’t get to be happy. You always have to sacrifice your happiness, your pleasure, your creative talent, give it away, and become a martyr. She gives you gifts but then asks you to sacrifice them, to give them away, because she is supposed to blend, lose her barriers, and then unite you with the rest of humanity.

PLUTO IN THE 5H: With Pluto here, your love life is nothing short of intense. Your romances all tend to be highly sexual, highly passionate, and very transformative for the both of you. But with all these incredible emotions blazing between you, your loving and sexual relationships can dip into some darker extremes. Perhaps this comes from a difficult childhood spent watching your parent’s love swing one way or another. Or perhaps it is because you are most attracted to Capricorn and Scorpio types of personalities, those who have indomitable strength of will but who also possess tendencies towards depression, anxiety, and alcoholism. They can become tumultuous affairs with power struggles, control issues, shades of abuse, and emotional manipulation. Looking back on your past lovers, you harbour much resentment and guilt on the way things went. To the other extremes you make great sacrifices and are incredibly loyal. You provide your lovers with strength, courage, and the fruits of your ambition. The sex is deep and amazing. You heal them, and are healed in return.

-all the information I found is from canaryquillastrology.com

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Speak No Evil

A Stitched Story

JSE Fanfic

It’s about time! I got so frustrated when I didn’t have time to write this even when I wanted to. And then I got the idea for Inverted and ended up fixated on that for a while, but this AU is back, baby! I did research for this, boys and girls and others! It’s finally Angst Time! God, I never realized I had such potential for pain. Let’s not just hurt JJ, let’s give him all the misery. And it went on for longer than I planned, too.

Tagging @septic-dr-schneep for inspiring this AU with this post. Also probably worth mentioning this too.

Read the past stories: Stitched Together | The Start of the Nightmare | The Silent Night

>Minor gore warning, probably<

JJ yawned, and looked at the clock. He tried to keep his shop open past midnight every night, in case somebody wanted help with a lunar spell. Those were most effective when conducted at midnight, or at the moon’s zenith. But JJ was not a night owl like Jack or Schneep, and sometimes he just couldn’t stay up that late, especially knowing he had to open at noon the next morning. This was one of those times. The clock read 10:58 and his eyelids were already drooping.

He straightened his posture, stretching. Then, he went through the motions of closing up. Sweeping the floor, dusting the books and talismans on sale, moving the change from the register to the strongbox, turning off most of the yellow lamps, flipping the sign on the front window from “Open” to “Closed.” But before he could go upstairs to his apartment and and his soft, comfortable bed, he had to check the side rooms. There were two: what he called the green room, where he did readings for tourists, and the crimson room, where he kept some of the more useful magick materials...those that he felt safe keeping out in the relative open.

The green room’s entryway was an arch without a door. There was a curtain of beads, but those did nothing except impress the customers that didn’t know anything about magick. A lot of those would pop in, checking out the strange little shop that looked like it belonged in an earlier time period. The green room was sort of catered towards that type, with a bunch of aesthetic junk, most of which did nothing. There was even a crystal ball sitting on top of the table’s fancy cloth, though in his experience flat, reflective surfaces were better for scrying.

JJ rummaged around the room, adjusting the paintings on the walls, checking the chest of drawers to see that everything was in its proper place. It seemed it was...but...JJ frowned. He couldn’t find his cards anywhere. He double-checked everywhere, even peeking underneath the tablecloth. No, they weren’t anywhere.

“Well, that’s a pickle,” JJ muttered to himself. He’d made those cards himself. Imbued them with magick of his own making, in addition to any they might already have. Honestly, the art of the tarot had always struck JJ as a little... unauthentic. It started as a card game, after all. But who knows? He’d learned long ago to never assume anything was ordinary.

Time to check out the crimson room. JJ turned the lamps of the green room off, brushed through the bead curtain, and crossed through the main body of the shop and over to the closed door that led to the crimson room. He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a small key ring. He selected the larger key of the two and used it to unlock the door. Everything should be in order here, he hadn’t used it all day.

Everything was not in order.

The first thing he noticed was the light. All the lamps in the room were on and blazing. JJ froze. That was impossible. Not only did he keep the only key on his person at all times, not only were there no windows and the vents were too small for anything to fit through, but also the room was protected. There were runes inside the walls and talismans under the floor. Nothing should’ve been able to get in and turn the lights on.

Except it had been breached once before.

JJ shook off the memory. He didn’t like to be reminded of that day. Sure, he’d met Jack and Chase and they’d become his two best friends, but he’d also nearly lost them within an hour of finding them. And that demon...the way he’d barely managed to banish him in time...it had shaken him. He’d doubled the defenses on the crimson room, and on his apartment upstairs, but maybe it still wasn’t strong enough...

He stepped into the room, eyes darting from side to side. The only thing that was different was that his deck of cards was sitting in the middle of the center table. JJ stared at it. There was no way that could’ve gotten here. Was there?

“Who’s here?” JJ called.

The lamps flickered, and JJ jumped as the door behind him slammed shut. He whirled around, pulling desperately on the handle, but the door refused to budge. JJ took a deep breath, trying to calm down. His mind darted between fragments of knowledge he’d learned over years of study. But this was instinctive. He thought he knew who this was. And he knew almost nothing about him.

“So, is it you?” JJ turned back around, putting his hands on his hips. He schooled his features into a carefully neutral expression. “I think you’re the only one who could get into this room at this point. What do you want?”

A few of the lamps flared, then burst with an electric chuckle, leaving the table the only thing truly illuminated. The message was more than clear. JJ folded his arms. “Why don’t you show yourself? I know you can.” Unless...he’d been rather quiet for the last three months, ever since he went after Schneep at the hospital. Maybe he was weakened...? Or he needed time to manifest?

There was no answer. JJ debated just ignoring him. Not acknowledging demons defeated a great deal of them. But he’d already talked to him. Fiddlesticks. Well, might as well go along with this. Who knows what the consequences could be otherwise? And he wasn’t ashamed to admit he was curious. Despite months of research, they hadn’t found much information on him. What if he could learn more? What if he could use that to help his friends?

Cautiously, JJ took a seat at the table. A chair opposite him pulled out, then pushed back in, like someone invisible had just sat there. The deck of tarot cards was pushed towards JJ, who took it, staring at the empty spot where a person should be, and shuffled. He didn’t want any tricks. Then, he held out the cards towards the empty spot. Five cards were pulled out of the deck, then laid on the table like a plus symbol.

JJ raised an eyebrow. “Five-card reading? But are you going to tell me what for?” There was no answer. “General reading it is, then,” JJ muttered. He reached out and turned over the card in the center.

The image of a knight riding into battle upon a black horse. He wielded a scythe, arching over his head. The card’s subtitle read Death. Well, this was off to a fantastic start. “The first card describes your present situation,” JJ said, his voice loud in the silent room. “And it sets the general tone for the reading. Many people see Death as a bad omen, but that’s not the case. It could mean the necessary death of something, such as the harvest in the fall leading to winter, and new plants growing in the spring. But...I’ve never seen Death as the first card. It may mean you’re currently experiencing it, either the death of a project or...” JJ trailed off. It didn’t usually mean the literal death of a person, but in this situation?

He forced himself to turn over the second card. A man carried seven sharp blades. Blood was on their edges, and JJ was sure that hadn’t been there when he drew the picture. “The second card is the past, it shows what events are still influencing you in the present day. This is the Seven of Swords. It represents...deceit.” JJ bit his lip as he thought. “That could mean your life is being shaped by a deception or betrayal that happened long ago. Or maybe not too long ago. Perhaps you know this?” A few more lamps went out, leaving just one above the table. There was a low whine in the air.

JJ hesitated a bit, then turned over the third card. Five crossed sticks, or what appeared to be. “The third card is the future. It explains events that will happen. The Five of Wands symbolizes struggles caused by ambition. In the future spot...it’s a warning. It means you’re pushing your plans at—at the expense of others.” His hands were shaking. The whine was steadily growing louder. “This...this isn’t a reading for you, is it?” JJ whispered. “You’re the querent, but...you don’t need to know these things.” A laugh echoed in the back of his mind.

JJ reached for the fourth card, then stopped. He was starting to have doubts about this. But then the light above flickered, and the whine increased to a piercing volume. JJ winced, then hurriedly turned over the fourth card. Everything stabilized. The card showed a man with brown hair, sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding two blades crossed over his chest. He wore a black blindfold. JJ was sure this card was altered, because he knew his original drawing had been of a woman instead. “The fourth card is the cause of your current situation,” JJ said quietly. “It’s meant to shed light on the event mentioned in the second card. The Two of Swords means conflicting ideas. It can also mean a lack of communication, resulting in...in drastic consequences. Perhaps this led to the deception?”

He didn’t even stop to think this time. Immediately after finishing his analysis of the fourth card, he turned over the fifth. A tall structure rose into the sky of the image. Green lightning was striking it, smoke and rubble flying from the point of impact. Four shadowy figures were falling from the top. It was the Tower. JJ swallowed nervously. “Fifth card...the fifth card is potential. It shows what will happen if you continue on this path. And the Tower...it means disaster. Destructive, uncompromising, collective disaster. It’s approaching. I would...normally, the advice is to just let it happen, and pick up the pieces afterward. But...” JJ looked up. There was an outline of a man, full of buzzing interference, now sitting in the chair across from him. “But this isn’t disaster for you...it’s for us. And it’s what you want. Is that right, Anti?”

The silhouette tilted its head. “Ç̀l̕͏e��veŗ̸,” a hissing voice bounced around his mind. “You’re sm͟a̶r͞t̵èr than I t̴h̀o͏u̡ght̨, J̞á̸͕ͅc͈̦̟͎͎̯̠͍̠k҉̧̜͟s̮̦̞͉o̪͈̗̣͈͝͠n̷͔̞̜̙͕͇. But will that s̷̡͝av̧͠e̵̴ y͡ou̴̡?”

“From what?” JJ forced himself to smile. “From you? I got rid of you well enough the last times.”

Anti hummed, annoyed. “ M͡͞á̡͢ybe̢ you did, but that was b̧́͏efor͡e͞͏̸. Now, I k��n̴ow̷. Did you think Í̸̛ w̨͝a̧͢ş̴ g̛͞o͞͠n̵e͞? I’ve been here the e̛ǹ͢tįr͠e ̕͢ţ̵̕im̵̴͠ȩ. Alwaỳs ther͢e͢. ͞A҉l̶w̕ay̨s͟ ̷w̵at̸c̡h̢i̕n̸g̶.̕ Do you want to know what I s̴̠ͅa̜̼̙̪̪̣͟w̛̩?”

Jameson leaned back. “Is this some roundabout way of threatening to bump me off? Because it’s not working.”

“ O͟͏͢h͢͏͏,͟͠ ͏̶b͏u͠t i̕t̸ i̷̢ş.” Anti stood up. His form was a bit clearer now. Not quite opaque, but JJ could see the colors of his clothes and body. Green lights took the place of his eyes. He leaned forward, and then somehow, though the table should’ve been too big, he was right in Jameson’s face. “False bravado doesn’t suit you, lit̴t̴l̨é o̕͟ń̢e. Not when I can t́a̷̷s̴̀͡t̷e your f͡ęa̷͢r͟͠.” A flash of teeth. “You know the truth I see, don̨'̶t͝ yo͡u͞? Your magick is j͟u̷s͡t ̸́a̧̕ ̸͟li̕e̶. It’s just trying to f̧͡o͞o̧ļ ̧̡̀y̷̵̕o̷u̷r ͝f͝r͏i͡en͟d̨s̸̢ into thinking you’re more helpful than you a̵̜̠̭͉c̡̭̗̯͓͉͖̹t̸̘͓̰̦͠ù̴̫͍̦̪̣̕a͏͈̬̗̖͎͓̤̖l̖̱̜̩̣ḷ̸͔̯̤̗͖̪͔ý̛͔̭̬͠ are.”

“That’s—you’re lying,” Jameson stuttered, pushing his chair back.

“ Abo̵u͞t w̛h̵at͞?” Anti was fully visible now, just the slightest distortion running through his body. His eyes, normally blue, glowed green behind their mask of shadows. “Your magick? Oh, but it doesn’t r̛e҉̨a̧͏l͡l̷̛y͡ do anything, do̡e̴s̷ ̸i͏t? I l̷̤͇ͅe̦͇͇̠̮̤t̸̞͎͍ you win that time. And what are all these so-̶c̵a̛ll̢ed s͝y̵̨͠m̶b̵̨o̶̕l͟͡s͠ of protection doing for you? The room is surrounded, yet h͠͠e̶r͝͝e̕͢ Ì̛ ̡̀a̷͏̢m̕̕, not deterred in the least.” He smiled a twisted grin. “ No͡t́ ̸v͢e̷ry ̵ef̛f́e͢ct͝ive.͏ If only you had r̸e͟a̢l̶̡͢ magic.”

Jameson tried to ignore his words, but in truth each one was a blow to his confidence. He’d set up protection around the homes of his friends...were they actually not working? Had Anti slipped through them as easily as a fish through water? Jack, Chase, and Schneep had trusted him. Had he...failed them?

Not wanting Anti to get another word in, he stood up, knocking over the chair in the process, and bolted to the door. Anti made no move to stop him. There was no need, as Jameson found out when he tried to turn the handle, then, frantically, attacked the door. It would not move. The doctor had described something like this in his hallucination he’d had at the hospital, but that was just that—an illusion of the mind. Anti must be stronger now, to affect reality in such a manner.

Jameson spun around, pressing his back to the door. Maybe he could find a way to get Anti out, if he was able to get to his supplies—and if it even worked. He doubted it.

“Well, we ca̴n't h̢ave tha̷t,” Anti said, as if he knew what Jameson’s thought process was. “C̶o̸̡me̷ b͏àc̡ḱ̢ ̷h̷͢e̴͟r̛ȩ̵̷.” A breaking happened, a distortion as the world broke into shades of red, blue, and green. And then Anti was there, in front of him. Jameson shrieked, instinctively trying to push him away. Instead, Anti grabbed him by the wrists and pulled him forward. Jameson fell into him, like the glitch truly wasn’t anything more than pixels. The buzz of white noise surrounded him. It filled his mind. He closed his eyes against the harsh static, and when he opened them, Anti had disappeared.

He would’ve relaxed a bit, but he could still hear the harsh drone. Not with his ears, like he should’ve. It was inside him. He could feel it in his eyes and in his throat. Of its own accord, his body walked back over to the table and sat down in the same chair Anti had been sitting in during the reading. And there it stayed, posture stiff, hands placed firmly by his sides. The white noise lessened a bit, and Anti appeared once again, distorted and crackling. He tilted his head. “Ỳe͞s̵, that seems to have worked as͟ ͠we͏l͝l̴ as I t̵h̨o͠ug̶ht͟ ̷it wòu͟l̷d͝.”

“What did you do?” Jameson was surprised to find his mouth still worked, even if nothing else did.

“I call it p̱̲͞u̴̜̥͉̙̦͍̰͞p̰p��̫̼̪͕̻͍̠̩e̷͉̝͓̫͓͠t̲̝̩ͅe̢͎̭̞̘̗͈͟ͅe͎̙̻̻̻̼̲̣ͅr̳̘̲i̷̟̤͉̥͢n̖̘̖͝g͍̬̮,” Anti said, wiggling his fingers like a sideshow magician. “It’s a tr̶ic͡k of mine I’ve been using since Halloween. If I keep working on it, o͝ne͠ d̕ay ̢you'̧l͠l ̵s͠tarţ t́o͞ ́ l͏̢í̵̧k̵҉e̷͡ i̶t͠.”

“Never,” Jameson said through gritted teeth.

“ Th҉at'͢s͏ ̨no͡t for̸ yo̕u t͡o de̸ciḑe,” Anti growled. “Now where was I? Ah yes, your ùse̕l͟es̶snes͢s.” He grabbed Jameson by the chin, tilting his head up so he had to look the glitch in the eyes. “You’re just a re͝p̷l̕a͞cem͏ent͡, J̛a͏̷̧c̢k͝s̸̛o̵̸͠n. They lost their magician, and so they got a ǹew̵ ͠ơn̵e. And, given your decoration in here, you would agree with me when I say the new is n̴̸͟e̷ve̡͠r̨ as g͡o̸o͢d as t͏h̕e̡̨͟ ̷o̷l͞d̵͞.”

“That’s your fault,” Jameson gasped. “It’s your fault their magician disappeared. Their hero, too. What happened to them? What are you doing to Marvin and Jackie?”

Anti laughed, blood spurting from his neck wound. “Oh, íf̷ ͝o͞nl̨y̷ y̢o̸u ̛́̕k̀n̛é͟w̢. I wonder if you’d wish they r̨ȩa҉ll͞y die̢d. Or maybe you’re happy here. Happy your wor͟t͠h̴lèss ͠litt͠l̀e͠ head gets praise h̢e̡a̴pęd upon it that it doèsń't ҉de̶s̸e͡r̢ve.” Anti’s form flickered and glitched. He grimaced. “Seems I’m running out of time. Guess I’ll...s̵k͟͡i̴̴p̀̕ ̕t̛͢͞o ̡̧́t̨h̸e ͏cha̡̧se͟.”

“What are you doing?” Anxiety was evident in Jameson’s voice. He tried to push through the static clouding his mind and holding him in place, but to no avail. It was like pushing against a balloon with super thick skin. Every attempt bounced him away.

“Now that won’t be a̛͞n͠y ̷̢f̧͞ú̢ǹ̢.” Anti leaned over him, the blood from his throat dripping down onto Jameson’s face. He couldn’t even blink like his instincts were shouting at him to. “Especially when you’re a͠b͢o͝ut͏ ̕tǫ f͡ìn̡ḑ͏͟ ͝o̧͞ú̢̕t.” He tilted Jameson’s head even farther back. Something small and gleaming glitched into his hand. “ Wh̕y̴ don’t you c̵a͏l͡l f̡or h͢e͢l͠p, J̡͢a̵͟͠m͏̡ie?”

He wanted to. He really wanted to. But he couldn’t give the demon the satisfaction. He gritted his teeth and stayed silent.

“Come on...” Anti’s fingernails dug into Jameson’s skin. It felt like they were drawing blood. “It’s ńo̷̡͠ţ to͝ó̶̕ ̛hard̸, is it? Call for help, I̡ ̢da̧͡r̴͞͡e ̛͝yo͢͟͢u. Cry into the dar͢k̕ǹes͝s͢. ‘Jack! Chase! Henrik! Somebody help!’ S̡ee̸ ̡w͡h̸a̛t̵ g̸͕͓͇̣̤̘̩o͏̹̗̪̹̞̀o̸̶̦̯̣d̸͖͕̫͍͇͖ͅ it ͝do̸es͟ ̷ýou͝!”

He couldn’t take it anymore. He had to. “H-help,” he whimpered.

There was a moment of quiet. The electronic hum started filling the air again. Anti smiled with unrestrained delight. “ B͞u̢͞ţ ̨́͢no͠͝bo̵̴d̸͞ý́ ͏çá̴͡m͞͏ę͢͞,” he whispered. “What a s̵h̕a͠m̴̨è. I’m sure the ot̶her͡s̛ would l͡o̡̕͟v͏̡e̢ to see this.”

The static in Jameson’s mind increased, and a pressure grew in his throat. He tried to cry out, but his voice wouldn’t work anymore. Anti moved his hand, and the small, glinting object he held came into view. It was a needle. A simple sewing needle, threaded with green string. And Jameson knew what was going to happen. He wanted to scream, he wanted to beg, but he could do nothing.

The first pinprick didn’t hurt too much. But the sensation of something that wasn’t supposed to be there, of it being pulled through the hole made his skin crawl. And the next one was much the same. And the next. The strings tightened with each new puncture. Tears began flowing down his face. Anti seemed to enjoy that. He muttered constantly throughout the process, reminding him how he couldn’t do anything, how he was worthless, how his friends didn’t really care for him. Every word drove deeper through the static in his mind.

He didn’t know how long it took, but eventually Anti tied a knot to hold the string in place, then broke the rest of the thread off. He moved Jameson’s head side to side, admiring his work. He grinned. “ Let'̢s ̸s͡ęe͟ ͏w͞h̶a҉t̛ th̕ey̛ ̨t̀hink̛ ͏of͡ t̷̢͓͈͠h̴̪̮á̶̰̻͢ͅt,” he said, tapping the oozing piercings with his finger, stroking the string. There was a lot more blood than there should have been. He loved it. “Go sh̕òẃ̸ them your n͟͠é̸w á́c͟͡ç̢e̷͝ss̛o̶͠ry̨.”

The static overwhelmed him, and the world broke apart. Anti faded away, the last thing to go being his glowing green eyes. 

The world fixed itself, and Jameson found himself kneeling on the floor in a hall somewhere. It looked...medicinal, like a hospital. It wasn’t long before he realized that the static had disappeared. He could move again. Immediately, his hands flew to his mouth, clawing at the thread. It teared at his flesh, blood running down his chin. It was agonizing. It didn’t matter. He needed them out. It wasn’t working. Why wasn’t it working? Why couldn’t he get them out? He had to keep trying. He couldn’t—he couldn’t—

“Jameson?”

He clasped his hands over his mouth. No, no he couldn’t let—how could he explain? He looked over his shoulder towards the familiar voice. It was the doctor, dressed in his coat and scrubs. Of course, this was a hospital. Schneep stared at Jameson. “What are you—?” Then he saw the blood dripping from between his fingers. Schneep’s eyes widened, and he squeaked. For a moment he looked like he wanted to run away, but instead he ran forward, kneeling beside Jameson. “What is it?! What happened?! Was it him?! Here, let me see.”

Jameson didn’t answer, just pressed his face even harder into his hands. When the doctor tried to pry them away so he could look at where the blood was coming from, he shook his head. Schneep looked at him, a strange light in his eyes. “Please. I cannot help if I don’t know what the problem is. Let me see, my friend.”

It was something about those last two words, coming from Schneep, the one he knew the least about, that made Jameson relax, and let the doctor take his hands away. Upon seeing the mess of blood and string, Schneep froze. His mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. Silver tears lined his eyes. Then, without warning, he pulled Jameson into a tight hug. “I’m sorry,” he choked. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” he repeated the same words again and again, like saying them could change what had happened.

Jameson only let himself be held, and shed a few more silent tears.

It was a chill night. Or was it early morning? It had been close to midnight when Schneep last checked the clock, but after JJ had appeared he hadn’t had the time to look. He’d been on the way to his office, ready to gather his things and go home for the night, only to turn the corner and see Jameson kneeling on the floor, blood coming from his mouth. He immediately dropped everything, dragging him to the nearest operating room.

And now, Schneep was outside on his apartment balcony, pacing back and forth. It was cold, but he didn’t care. He had to think.

“Hey, doc.”

Schneep turned and saw Chase walk out onto the balcony, closing the sliding door behind him. His eyes were rimmed with red. “Hello Chase,” Schneep said dully. “Is Jack still inside?”

Chase nodded. “Yeah, he’s still talking with JJ...or, uh, talking to.” He leaned against the closed door. “He took one of your notebooks and pens. But...JJ isn’t using it.”

Jameson had been quiet. Not that he had a choice anymore, but he hadn’t attempted to communicate in any way. He didn’t nod or shake his head when asked yes or no questions, and he avoided eye contact with any of the others. If he did happen to catch their eyes, he teared up and looked away. Yet, he didn’t want to be alone either. He reached out and clung tight to them when they looked like they might leave.

The one question he answered? When Schneep asked if Anti was responsible, he nodded vigorously.

“Maybe he is not ready yet,” Schneep sighed. “I would not blame him.”

Chase moved position, now leaning on the balcony railing. Schneep stopped his pacing and joined him. Chase hesitated for a moment, then asked “Are you sure you can’t—”

“I tried, Chase,” Schneep snapped. “I broke my best pair of scissors and dulled half the supply of scalpels in the hospital. It is not normal string like it appears.”

“Okay, doc, calm down. I didn’t—I didn’t mean it that way.” Chase’s voice broke. “You’re doing—you did all you can, I get it. I’m just...it’s fucking horrible, man. I can’t believe...I thought shit like this only happened in horror movies.” He gazed out over the quiet city. “I can’t even find a reason,” he whispered.

“Anti does not need a reason,” Schneep said through gritted teeth. “He is a monster.” His grip on the railing tightened. “And the world would be better off without monsters.” Why Jameson, of all people? He was harmless. Maybe that was why. Schneep turned, looking straight at Chase. “If we ever find a way, if we ever get a chance, I am going to kill him.”

Chase considered this. “What about Jackie and Marvin? Only he knows what’s happening to them. We need to get them back, doc. We can’t kill him until we do.”

Schneep paused. “I suppose you are right. Although I wonder...” He turned away again, looking back out over the dark city. “If Anti is capable of something like this, then...if we get them back, what shape will they be in?”

Chase had no answer for that. So the two of them stood in silence, watching the darkness of night gradually recede. If only all the darkness of the world would disappear so easily.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticegos #septic egos #septic egos au #jameson jackson #antisepticeye #dr schneeplestein #chase brody #jackieboy man #marvin the magnificent #brigid writes fanfiction #stitched anti #tw: needles #minor gore #angst #stitchedstories

[peckhampeculiar]

Fabric of society

Words Emma Finamore; Photo Marcos Avlonitis

The bold, bright colours and beautiful, intricate batik patterns of wax print can be seen all over London, but they’re a visual symbol of somewhere else: Africa. From village to cotton field, from mill to market, a new film traces the story of how this fabric came to epitomise a whole continent – and it goes to some surprising places.

Peckham based composer Aiwan Obinyan, has just released ‘Wax Print’ – a documentary exploring this extraordinary material's relationship to Africa and its people, as well its journey. She wrote the film – as well as directing it, producing it, and even composing its soundtrack – after bering inspired by something her Nigerian grandmother said. 

"I grew up with the prints,” she explains. “But when I heard my grandma call it 'Hollandaise'...and I was like, how is it Hollandaise? What does that mean? I noted it and got on with my life but then later I started making clothes and wanted to use that fabric, and thought it would be nice to show my customers where the fabric comes from and a bit of the history, and I thought it as going to be simple...but the more questions I asked the it just took me from one country to another, to different periods of time. For two years I traced the story." This took her and her camera to Ghana, Nigeria, the Netherlands, even to Manchester: "Wax print was made in Manchester for over 100 years, at ABC Wax, from 1908".  

That’s because, despite being seen very much as ‘African’ fabric, wax print’s story is one of colonisation, international trade (including the slave trade) and industrialisation, across multiple nations, continents and cultures. During the Dutch colonisation of Indonesia in the 1800s, Dutch merchants and administrators became familiar with the nation’s batik technique. “They took it from Indonesia and figured if they could mechanise it, they could sell loads of it. It was originally a handmade print," explains Aiwan. The owners of textile factories in the Netherlands started developing machine printing processes which could imitate batik, hoping that the far cheaper machine-made imitations could outcompete the original batiks in the Indonesian market: creating the look of batik without the labour-intensive work required to make the real thing.

West Africans recruited between 1831 and 1872 from the Dutch Gold Coast to serve in the Dutch colonizing army in Indonesia would have seen these prints, and when retiring to Elmina, in modern Ghana, they may have provided an early market for the imitation batik. That’s one theory, but what we do know is that demand for the fabric grew in African ports and throughout West Africa, prompting Scottish, English, and Swiss manufacturers to follow the Dutch in producing and selling wax print.

The material quickly became a part of African apparel, and of society: women used the fabrics as a method of communication and expression, with certain patterns being used as a shared language, with widely understood meanings. It was soon also used for formal wear by leaders, diplomats, and the wealthy population.

Aiwan’s telling of this tale begins with her own story and relationship with the material. "Growing up in south east London, being bullied for being African - it wasn't cool to be African in the ‘90s - and wanting to hide my identity as much as possible,” she says. “And one of the most immediate, physical symbols of Africa is wax print. So you kind of wanted to push it to one side, and not be associated with it."

This has changed though, for her and many other people with African heritage – it’s now something to wear with pride. “I think it's being reclaimed by black people worldwide - in the diaspora and on the continent. It's being reinterpreted in terms of design, and it's being reclaimed as a symbol of Africa and African-ness. And something to be proud of." 

Aiwan talks about how this resurgence means you can now get wax print earrings, glasses frames....pretty much anything you want. Part of the documentary is actually filmed at the Hub and Culture shop in Peckham, where customers can pick up everything from shoes, kimonos and capes, to handbags and head wraps – all in wax print, in every colour of the rainbow. Sales figures demonstrate the popularity of these products too. In Sub-Saharan Africa, wax print boasts an annual sales volume of 2.1 billion yards, with an average production cost of $2.6 billion and retail value of $4 billion. Ghana, to take one example, has an annual consumption of textiles about 130 million yards.

But it’s more than just a product to be bought and sold. "The film is kind of like the fabric,” explains Aiwan. “It's woven, it's many stranded. But the bottom line is about identity. It's definitely a statement. When someone's wearing wax print they're wearing it with intention. It's a statement: ' 'This is who I am.' The fact of the matter is that wax print is bold and vibrant and colourful, it stands out. So when you're wearing it - it's a statement."  

These statements extend to places as well as people, as Aiwan discovered on her explorative journey. "So for instance in Congo their colourways are very bright, almost fluorescent pinks and yellows,” she says. “Whereas if you go over to Ghana the prints are a bit more muted, more burgundies and olive greens. And in Nigeria the prints are more strong yellows, strong oranges, really intense blues. And within Nigeria there are different colour ways for different parts of the country. So the colour way for Ibos over in the East is that blue with the orange, whereas the colour way for Yoruba would be different."

Another part of the wax print story that Aiwan unearthed was especially exciting: about a group of pioneering, formidable women called the ‘Nana Benz’, who played a key, pivotal role in the development of the wax print industry, operating during the 1930s to 1970s. "They were very, very powerful women who became millionaires during their time through trading in wax print - they were the gatekeepers,” explains Aiwan. “If they said it wouldn't sell, it wouldn’t sell. They were in touch with the local women so they knew what they liked, and they fed that back to the European merchants, who then made the cloth according to those specifications. They had economic power, political power, social power...they were so wealthy that they owned luxury cars like the Mercedes Benz - hence the name, Nana Benz. They owned so many of these cars that the government at the time, if they ran out of cars for local dignitaries, they would borrow cars from the Nana Benz.

“For me it was the most surprising thing [about making the film] - was the story of the Nana Benz, because I didn’t know it. I first got introduced to it at the Vlisco wax print factory  [in Helmond, the Netherlands] and there was a picture there of an old African woman, and I asked somebody who it was and she said, 'That's a Nana Benz' - and she explained briefly who she was. And at first I thought it was specifically who she was - I thought Nana Benz was a single person, Then I did more research and realised it was this group of powerful women."  

Aiwan’s research saw her talking to professors, reading books, and then a bit closer to home: "Then I made the connection between the Nana Benz and my grandma." Her grandmother ran a sewing school and tailoring business in Ekpoma in Edo State, Nigeria – an entrepreneur who ended up supplying custom clothes to surrounding businesses. "There's a picture in the film of my grandma in the most amazing outfit,” Aiwan remembers, “standing next to a bright red BMW sports car....she was a Nana Benz!

“I'm glad I went on that journey, and that I was given the honour and the privilege to be able to tell that story. I'm really glad that the stories of the women have been re-centred, and the story of wax print has been re-centred. Very often when people write about wax print it's almost anthropological, sort of analytical and academic. So I was happy to re-centre the story of the Nana Benz's and people like my grandma - without them you wouldn’t have wax print, that's the bottom line, there is no wax print. It became what it was because of them, and their collaboration with missionaries and traders." 

This big story calls for a big audience, and this month Aiwan is taking her film on the road. Wax Print has been accepted into the Pan African Film Festival in Los Angeles, so Aiwan will be out there in February, then there’s an event with artist Yinka Shonibare MBE (whose work exploring cultural identity, colonialism and post-colonialism often features brightly coloured wax print) in Exeter, as well as at a wax print factory in the Netherlands, and screenings in Japan and Ghana  - poignantly on Juneteenth Independence Day or Freedom Day, a celebration of the abolition of slavery in Texas and the emancipation of enslaved African Americans throughout the former Confederate States of America. "In the film I talk about how slavery was a big factor in wax print,” says Aiwan, “so it'll be nice to celebrate the abolition of slavery in Ghana where slaves were taken, while showing a film which is about our identity as a people." 

If that wasn’t enough hard work, she’s just finished working on a play at the Young Vic Theatre – doing the sound for The Convert, a play written by Black Panther star Danai Gurira – and is currently working on a feature film in Nigeria called 'Nigeriana', following a young man’s struggle to engage in politics despite a corrupt system.

Like these projects, Wax Print is powered by Aiwan’s clear passion for storytelling, especially a tale that’s close to her heart. "It's hard work but I think it would be harder if it wasn't something I care about,” she explains. “I think it's important to work on things you truly believe in."  

[peachyzens]

love letters (two)

love letters (two)

masterlist: previous | next

genre: fluff, angst summary: “Stars in the night sky can’t compare to the ones i see in your eyes.” Crushes were unconventional, especially the one you had on Kim Mingyu. (3,339 words) a/n: kind of late but here is part 2 of the series :~) masterlist can be found here! 

The rest of your seventh grade year went by in the blink of an eye, the anticipation towards getting out of middle school fueling your senses. Your crush on Mingyu still remained as strong as ever, there was just one problem now.

You weren’t the only one.

Kim Mingyu has decided to try out for the basketball, or so you heard. Gossip went around near the end of seventh grade, soon reaching your ears. When you heard the rumors, you almost wanted to laugh out loud. The boy was adorably scrawny, there was no way he could survive on the basketball team without getting injured.

Eighth grade proved you wrong.

Kim Mingyu was now a popular jock in your local middle school, hell, he was even known by other schools. When he showed up on the first day of eighth grade significantly bulkier and taller, more people took notice of his cheeky grin and distinct features.

“Woah, who is that with Seokmin and Minghao?”

“I think he’s new, I’ve never seen him before!”

“Wow, he’s so tall and hot!”

“No way, you’re telling me that the hot guy is Kim Mingyu? Wow, what a glo-up!”

That being said, you weren’t the only one crushing on Mingyu. The trio, who was formerly seen only as a duo plus one, remained as the school’s sweethearts, having people fall for them left and right. You were slightly bitter, having discovered about the charms of Kim Mingyu way before these people would bat an eyelash at him, but that was just how it was. That’s all your connection was with him—a one-sided crush.

“I’ve missed you girls so much!” Rachel gushed, wrapping her arms around the three of you as best as she could when seated at the lunch table.

“It’s only been like three months, and we still met up during the summer!” Jennie rolled her eyes, yet falling into Rachel’s embrace.

“I know I know, but wow, summer really did good for some people. Like, have you seen Kim Mingyu? He’s crazy cute now!” Rachel gushed in a quieter tone, causing you to nearly choke on your water.

“Yeah! He really wasn’t lying when he said he was going to join the basketball team, but wow, it worked out great for him. He’s a complete king now!” Jennie gushed as well, you nodding in agreement. But in your eyes, he was always somebody that mattered.

As much as you agreed with all the gushing about Mingyu, there was that underlying anger at how people only paid attention to him now that he changed. You were there when he was he past self, and you were still here at his new transformation. Yet, you were in no position to say anything when the only person who knew that you were there for him was just yourself.

The halls were deserted at this time, yet your footsteps were echoing throughout. It was abnormally early to be at school, but it wasn’t the first time. For the first time in the new school year, you were going to leave another note in Mingyu’s locker. After your first note the previous year, you couldn’t stop hiding little notes in his locker. Whether it would be an inspirational quote you stumbled upon or some encouragement during difficult times, you quickly jotted them on your paper before sealing it up and slipping it in. Having done it many times, it was second nature to you by this point.

With your hands sliding your backpack off your tired shoulders, you set yourself down along the wall with a small smile. Just thinking about your letters and the impact they had on Mingyu made you happy, and you were hoping he felt the same way about them. Placing your backpack in front of your feet, you leaned your head back with a small sigh. Coming to school this early several days a week definitely took a toll on your body, with your dark circles becoming more prominent than before. You shut your eyes, resting them before the bustle of students entering would soon wake you up.

However, the sound of a frantic dash down the hall and your backpack flopping a few feet away woke you up sooner than you would’ve preferred. With an irritated opening of your eyes, you were almost stunned to see Kim Mingyu in front of you, profusely apologizing for the mess he made. Your heart stopped for a second, or at least it felt like it did, with how lost in your daze you were after seeing Mingyu.

“Are you alright? Once again, I’m so sorry, I was running late for practice and I wasn’t paying attention,” he rambled on, snapping you out of your daze. You realized that you hadn’t zipped your backpack up all the way, the contents slightly strewn about from the impact of Mingyu’s crash. He was frantically gathering all your supplies as you sat there.

“Huh? Oh, yeah! I’m sorry! You don’t have to pick it up, it’s my things!” you spoke up for the first time, now reaching for your scattered belongings.

“No, really, it was my fault! I wasn’t paying attention and I,” he paused mid sentence, taking your attention from the colored pens you were picking up. You turned to him to see his eyes stuck on something—your stationary, the same one you would write his letters with. With a look of horror, you quickly grabbed the stray pens and the papers out of his hands before shoving them back into your bag.

“Ha, well that’s the last of it! You should go now, you mentioned you were late and I don’t want to keep you here any longer!” You spoke, hoping he wouldn’t notice how hard your heart was beating against your chest and the bead of sweat that was threatening to fall from your forehead.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I should go. Sorry about that again.” He spoke in a distant voice, as if he had a lot of things on his mind. You were mentally cursing your carelessness, quickly standing up and heading in the opposite direction, not taking any more glances towards Mingyu to save yourself from the embarrassment. You let out a sigh of relief hearing his footsteps start to run again in the direction of the gym. You just missed the last glance Mingyu shot towards you, one that was filled with interest as a small grin appeared on his face.

“Wow, these are so cute! Why are you giving them to us though?” Jennie raised a questioning eyebrow at you, as Rachel shuffled through the sheets of stationary you were giving them.

“I bought too much, I thought it would be better to share them with you guys than let it collect dust in my desk.” You shrugged nonchalantly, hoping they would buy it. Jennie shot you one last wary glance before redirecting her attention to the stationary, soon the reason for her wariness forgotten as the cute puppies on the paper screamed her name.

You felt a weight lifted on your shoulder. You had thought long and hard about how to make Mingyu think that the admirer wasn’t you, you just weren’t ready to be found out so soon. Not to mention, there was rarely anybody around school that carried the same stationary as you, since the store you often purchased from was a hidden treasure only you knew about. Not anymore, there were two more individuals who carried the same papers, meaning there was a smaller chance that Mingyu could narrow the admirer to you. You felt bad using your friends cluelessness for yourself, but you had to do what you had to do.

“Dude, you need to tell me where got these papers ASAP, Mingyu actually spoke to me about them!” Rachel spoke once you all sat down at your usual table. Feeling your heart beat in nervousness, you asked for her to elaborate. “I have a class with him, and he sits in the back while I sit in the aisle. So when he was walking to his seat, he saw that I had these papers on my desk and actually stopped to ask me where I got them from!”

“Did he say anything else?” You spoke up, acting as normal as you could.

“No, I just told him I forgot the name of the store because I didn’t know what else to say! I was too stunned that the Kim Mingyu was speaking to me!” Rachel sighed in exasperation, soon mumbling about how Mingyu must think she’s an idiot. You felt yourself let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as Jennie was too busy rolling her eyes at Rachel to take notice.

Been there, done that, you thought to yourself, finding Rachel’s reaction to Mingyu speaking to her much more relatable than anybody would’ve thought.

Living in a safe neighborhood, you were glad to be able to freely walk around at night, equipped with nothing more than your essentials and a pepper spray can just in case. You skipped down the street to your local stationary shop, having run low on supplies since giving some to Rachel and Jennie for damage control.

Feeling in a particularly good mood this night, you decided to take a small detour and pass through a neighborhood park you were familiar with in the past. Living in the same neighborhood since childhood, you practically knew it like the back of your hand at this point. You felt your feet drag yourself to the park you used to happily play at, expecting to have it to yourself.

What you didn’t expect was to see Kim Mingyu, sitting on a bench as he stared up at the sky.

You immediately stopped in your steps, staring at him with an awestruck expression. Not to mention, he looked totally endearing in his natural state. His typical jeans replaced by a pair of joggers, a simple graphic tee on his torso, and freshly washer hair that looked soft to the touch.  You just stared at him with admiration in your eyes, you wanted to know how someone could be so beautiful without even trying.

As if he sensed your presence, he took his attention from the sky and brought it to you instead. His face showed an expression of recognition as he greeted you with a smile and a wave. Now, you stared at him with a shocked expression.

“Seeing each other a bit often now are we?” He spoke, with that stupid grin on his face that did things to your heart. “Want to sit?”He offered you, being the friendly neighbor he is.

Hell yeah! You thought to yourself, instead opting for a polite “sure” and taking a seat on the end of the bench furthest from Mingyu. Seeing how he glanced at the plastic bag containing things that would soon end up in his locker, you quickly put it on the other side of you, obstructing his view.

‘I’ve been stargazing for quite a while now, it’s really pretty out here.” He started speaking, the grin not leaving his face as he soon directed his attention back to the clear sky. Following his actions, you also turned to face the sky.

And boy, was he right. It was more than pretty, it was beautiful. Spending most of your time in a crowded city or stranded in your room, it was not common for you to take a look at the stars.

“Yeah, wow, it’s absolutely gorgeous. In the years I’ve lived in this neighborhood, I’ve never taken the time to look up,” you spoke mindlessly, your thoughts coming out and to his ears. He smiled in agreement.

“Yeah, I know. It’s been awhile since I’ve stargazed like this. With things getting more hectic, I haven’t found the time to sit out here. Say, you said you live in this neighborhood?” He asked, taking a glance at you.

“Born and raised,” you nodded. He nodded in understanding, and that ended your conversation. Instead, it was replaced by a comfortable silence as you both basked in the beauty of nature, the wonders of the sky doing all the talking for you. Although, he would occasionally speak up and point out constellations in the sky to you, naming them and a little bit of their history.

“Wow, you really know your stars don’t you?” you turned to him with a teasing grin. His cheeks  slightly flushed.

“Y-Yeah, it’s something I’ve always been interested in, astronomy. It’s just so cool to learn what could be out there, and the expanse of how these things reach to. Like, did you know that our Sun is considered a medium star? Meaning, there are stars out there that are even bigger than we could ever imagine, and if they were closer to us then it would probably take over our Earth.” He rambled on, and you looked at him with interest. You probably fell for him even more, seeing how passionate and knowledgable he was when talking about stars. “Sorry, I keep rambling and you’re probably getting tired of it.”

“No! Not at all, it really is interesting stuff.” You reassured him, causing a the same smile that would give you butterflies to spread across your face. Before you two could initiate any further conversation, the vibrations of your phone cut through your comfortable silence. You pulled you phone out to see your dad questioning your whereabouts with a text, almost cursing him at his timing.

“I guess that this is my cue to leave, but it was really nice looking and learning about the stars Mingyu!” you stood up, slightly dusting off your pants. Mingyu stood up as well, stretching his body.

“Yeah, I’m sorry you had to listen to my rambles. Do you want me to walk you home?” He rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile, turning to you. Your heart starting beating faster at the thought of him walking you home, your hands slightly brushing each other as you walked side by side. Steady conversation flowing out between you two, it sounded like the perfect cliche to fall in love to. “Hello? Earth to y/n?” He interrupted your daydreams, your face slightly heating up.

“No! It’s fine, you should head home too, it’s kind of late and there’s still school tomorrow.” You reassured him, despite more attempts to walk you home. As much as you would’ve like to have him walk you home, your heart wasn’t ready for the incessant pounding.

The next day at school, you saw Mingyu’s tall self in the hallway and smiled, the thoughts from last night seeping into your mind. Thinking he won’t see you, you were proven wrong when he returned the smile on your face and waved happily. Thinking he was waving to someone else, you quickly looked around to find someone to be returning his wave. But, there was no such person. He inwardly chuckled at your confusion, soon being dragged away by his teammate. When you turned around, you found him to have disappeared, much to your disappointment.

There was no way he was waving to me, there are a ton of people in the hallway he could be waving at.

“Hello? Earth to y/n?” The words were familiar to you, only now they were being said by a different voice. Just hearing those words brought your thoughts back to the previous night, only for them to be interrupted by Rachel shaking your shoulder. You finally snapped back to reality, salad falling off your fork and your friends shooting you wary glances.

“What?” You blurted out, knowing very well that you were zoning out.

“You keep disappearing from our conversations, I have to make sure there’s still someone in that little head of yours. What’s on your mind?” Jennie questioned, a sly grin on her face.

“Nothing, just worried about the future and stuff, you never know,” you pulled the answer out of thin air, hoping it would ease their worries. Even though Mingyu was known crush from other girls, they would freak out hearing you had a one on one session with him under the stars. Not like you were doing anything bad anyways.

“I know girl! There’s that dance coming up, the really fancy one! I wonder who’s going to ask who.” Rachel glared at her salad, lips pouting at the thought of a date.

“Whatever! Who needs a date, I got you girls as my dates!” Jennie squealed, excited to get ready in fancy dress for the night.

“Yeah! For sure, say, I’m going to run to the restroom real fast,” you excused yourself, grabbing your bag. The pair waved you off as you snuck out of the cafeteria, not actually heading to the restroom. You walked through the quad, filled with students scattered about, enjoying the time all students looked forward to—lunch. You sneakily stepped into the deserted hall, save for some people grabbing things from their lockers. Turning around the corner, you found the hall where Mingyu’s locker was, and felt yourself let out a sigh of relief seeing the absence of people in there. Grabbing a new letter from your bag, you quickly stuffed it into his locker as you passed by it, making it seem like you were doing nothing more than just walking past. After nearly a year of dropping letters in his locker, you were getting good at it. With a triumphant smile on your face, you went down the hall with a slight skip in your stride.

Stars in the night sky can’t compare to the ones I see in your eyes.

It was definitely a more cringe-worthy letter you ever wrote him, but you just wanted to find a way to incorporate stars into this letter. Not to mention, he did light up like the stars in the sky when talking about them.

Your heart slightly pounded as you headed back towards the cafeteria, thoughts filling your mind. You were worried he might figure out that you were his secret admirer, yet you waited three weeks to put this letter in just to be safe. There was no way he could come to an immediate conclusion that it was you. Constantly reassuring yourself, you walked through the doors of the cafeteria with a sigh. Hearing the sounds of cheering and clapping, you looked around confused. There was a crowd near the stage of the cafeteria, soon breaking apart after the fiasco. Your heart slightly stopped seeing Mingyu there, staring sweetly at some girl you’ve probably seen on the cheerleading squad.

“Will you be the Star of my Night?” his sign read, a large poster filled with references to the upcoming dance theme. Seeing the bouquet of roses in her arms, you could only assume that she agreed. Turning away with a heart slightly heavier than normal, you found Jennie and Rachel also taking glances at the scene.

“Wow, that was so cute! Did you see that y/n?” Rachel gushed, staring at the scene with envy. Your head felt stiff turning around to take another look at the happy new pair, still talking to each other with shy yet sweet smiles and giggles.

“Yeah, it’s adorable,” you forced out, slightly accepting the fact that you and Mingyu were no more than acquaintances. Ugh, never in a million years will he do something like that for me.

“Yeah! I heard they’ve been getting pretty close lately since he joined the basketball team and she’s the cheer captain, there’s a lot of talk going around about them.” Jennie spoke in a hushed tone, sharing all the gossip she’s heard the past few days. You ended up zoning yourself out of the conversation, Jennie and Rachel too busy sharing their details to notice, and fiddled with your fingers.

He was never yours, but why did seeing him with someone else hurt so much?

#seventeen #mingyu #kim mingyu #mingyu scenarios #mingyu fluff #mingyu series #kim mingyu fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen au #mingyu au

[lordavanti]

Ivar The Boneless x Reader

Request for: @kolvanismirk Inspired on the tattoo video and her lovely request I made a little something. After Sigurd his dead Ivar never acted the same, power overgrow him and he forgot to love like he used to do. After a victory he had part to thank to you he places a tattoo in which you get an argument. You want to leave ... and he tries on convincing you to stay. Warnings: Angst Words: 2760

Taglist: @ultravioletsky7 @itharley @inthenameofodin @burningsunshin3 @float-autumn-leave @decaffeinatedeaglefart @missbrightlyred @zombie-zayde @nothingbuthappydays @dani-si @ivarbarnes @supervalcsi @sweetvengeancee @mysticsthinking @odins-missing-eye @kirah34 @laketaj24 @mcuimxgine @tiredofthisgeneration @fuckyeahalexhoghandersen @dangerousvikings @sugakookiexx @natmors @the-ragnarssons-tickle-spot

You always knew Ivar to be the greedy one, the shifty shade constant wanting more. After you married him he left you to join his father to England. It wasn’t a marriage out of love but you got there, just as you got him so far on respecting you. You were well known to be a good fighter, a shield maiden supporting Aslaug from the day she arrived in Kattegat. Your mother always had been her right hand, just as you prove your loyalty when you were of age, being as old as Hvitserk was. Despite you were young then, you were very promising and Aslaug set that marriage just before she died. But things changed, Ivar assembled a great heathen army and you fought for the dead of Ragnar just as anybody else did. That victory was the beginning of his wrath. You remembered him to love you on that day, being almost gentle when he made love to you, praising your skills as a warrior and a wife. And then he killed Sigurd and nothing was the same again. His mind wrapped up in the most bloodiest of thoughts, his anger and frustration even pushing his brothers away. You fell pregnant because of that one night and you never said a thing to him, just as he hardly treated you as a wife. The only point you came together was in bed and most of the time you fell asleep alone and woke up alone, so what was still left? You were cleaning your sword, looking up to the defenses building their way around what Ivar conquered. ‘Y/n.’ You turned around and looked from Hvitserk to Ubbe. ‘Where is he?’ They both asked. You threw away the piece of fabric and stood up, shoving your sword into your belt. ‘Getting a tattoo.’ You answered. They changed looks with each other, the same way you did when you saw him sitting down aside a man who would kick the marks right into his back. ‘You should talk with him.’ Hvitserk pointed out. You signed, shrugging. ‘Why? He is surrounded by guards, no way I can reach through that, or his stubborn ass to begin with.’ ‘He is your husband.’ ‘Why does he has bodyguards?’ Ubbe interrupted Hvitserk almost right away. Things didn’t get well between the brothers after the dead of Sigurd. You didn’t wanted to pick sides between your love for Ivar and your friendship with those brothers but he almost didn’t leave you a choice. Ubbe slapped his brother on the chest before they started walking, you followed. When the three of you walked around the corner you saw him sitting. Even with everything going on you still admired those strong arms, the broad build of his shoulders. But that look, the way he rose his blue eyes up from the table towards his brothers … he said something but you didn’t caught it for you tried at holding on to this perfectly good imagine before he would destroy with his words. ‘Why do you need a personal bodyguard huh Ivar?’ Ubbe started, ignoring his words. You looked away from Ivar to the personal man standing there for his safety. That man looked at you for a moment, like you were a slave that needed to be ignored. You hated that feeling, knowing Ivar had a say in it. ‘Do you need protection against us, your brothers?’ ‘Offcourse not.’ Ivar answered, the knocking of that hammer in his back shifted your attention back to the conversation. ‘Then why have them?’ Hvitserk asked. ‘I’m a cripple … I need a bodyguard.’ Like it was the most logic thing to say. His eyes shifted to you, holding on to it for a moment while he breathed through the pain. ‘Y/n could protect you better than any of those men.’ Hvitserk nodded with his cup to the guards. ‘Why?’ Ivar laughed. ‘Because I would die for you more than they would.’ You answered, leaning against the wall, arms crossed. ‘I don’t want you dead my love.’ ‘Surly I seemed like that recently.’ You muttered, trying on walking away when your name hissed over his lips. You slowly turned around to him. He had stopped that man from working further on his back to point all his attention to you. ‘Do I don’t give you enough?’ He asks sharply. ‘Don’t you have the chance of fighting alongside of me, to conquer these lands, care after my wounds?’ He asked, pushing his muscular arms back against the table, nodding over his shoulder to the man to get going. His expressions squeezed a little when the man started again, but other than that he kept radiating that cold. ‘What do I get Ivar? Other than to tend those wounds and fight those battles.’ ‘You get to be my wife.’ He stated. You slowly walked over to the table, placing your hands aside his while lowering your head to look him right in the eyes. He always said how much influence you could have with your eyes, you did it now. ‘I don’t want to be the wife of a man that doesn’t care. Who only puts his interests first. Get yourself another wife.’ You whispered slowly. How hard those words sounded, they were out. It broke your heart but you pushed away from the table, giving him one last look before turning around, knowing he couldn’t follow you, knowing he probably wouldn’t anyway. You laid on your back that night, fingers softly stroking over your nightdress, whispering to a child that probably wouldn’t hear you. You didn’t wanted a child to grew up in this, with a father that wouldn’t care, a father that was as ruthless as Ivar was. You couldn’t let it happen. You turned on your side, gazing into the darkness trying to prepare yourself from doing the hardest thing ever … leaving. The village Aslaug and your mother came from would welcome a shield maiden like you, you could build up your life there. But just as soon as that imagine set in your thoughts the dragging of his body interrupted those thoughts. With both your hands under your head you tried not to care about it, you tried not to move while you heard him unbuckle the belt that kept his legs together. You closed your eyes, begging that he would only sleep, like he did for quite some time. He hissed, probably against the pain shifting through his back from the tattoo. And then you felt his weight aside you. You felt his fingers sneak under your arm, crossing over your chest before they wrapped themselves in your hand. You squeezed your eyes together, feeling how much he broke already you were on the verge of crying. You felt his chest contacting with your back before his lips contacted with your color bone. You squeezed his hand and his lips lifted themselves from your skin. ‘Y/n.’ His voice sounded soft, calm almost. ‘I’m leaving tomorrow.’ You announced, not giving him the chance to say anything else. ‘I’m going to sail back and then go home, were I belong.’ You followed. It was quiet for a very long time, you could feel his breath hitching against your neck as he seemed to need some time to progress that. His hand sneaked away from between yours and he pushed your shoulder down so you laid with your back in the bed. His blue eyes radiate nothing else but his anger. ‘Why?’ He asked, neutral voiced, teeth clenched together of he held his emotions in. ‘You even have to ask? I’m pregnant Ivar, since you killed Sigurd.’ You announced, looking up in the dark to his features. His jaw dropped open, while the anger in his eyes made place for shock. ‘I’m leaving, I don’t want a child to grow up with a father like you. There is nothing for me to stay anyway.’ ‘You’re my wife!’ ‘Yes and do you treat me like one?’ You asked back. He looked away from you and after all that time you finally saw it, him cracking under all of it. His eyes got weaker, his fingers shook a little when he laid his fingers softly against your jaw. You closed your eyes, feeling a single tear leaving the corner of your eyes. ‘I never felt as lonely as I did now, lost in a world I thought to know.’ You whispered, turning your head away from his fingers that traveled away, lost themselves. ‘Y/n,’ ‘Ivar please, I let you go so you can be the king you want be without you having to look over your shoulder to me. All I am is a distraction of your mind, an object between you and your victories. Let us go.’ You weren’t begging him but your shaky voice almost let it sound like that. He squeezed your throat lightly, placing his forehead against your cheek, his breath scouring your neck as you tried on ignoring the silent tears running down your cheeks. ‘Don’t leave.’ He whispered. ‘Why? So you can treat me like you did past weeks? So you have somebody to bark to?’ ‘I thought you hated me!’ He hissed, pulling his head away to look at you. His eyes were blurry red, his white teeth clenched together. ‘Like everybody else, for what I did to my brother.’ He explained. He breathed shaky out, like he just relieved himself from the worst secret ever. Ivar never talked much, not about himself at least, that was something you learn to respect and for that he always had thanked you. This had to be one of those rare times. ‘You didn’t talked to me, you left me alone.’ ‘Because I thought that you needed the space.’ ‘I needed you!’ He said between clenched teeth. You closed your eyes, bringing your fingers up to touch his face. ‘And I need you now.’ You whispered. He pushed his head into your fingers before he dropped it back down against your cheek, kissing away your tears. Your fingers grabbed into his hair, smelling his sweat, the blood probably still covering his back from the tattoo. It felt good, having him this close, having him surrender to his own emotions. ‘Don’t go.’ He never had begged before but he did it you. You released his hair and he lifted his head again, looking from your lips up to your eyes. ‘I can change, for you, for,’ his voice hitched and his eyes looked down towards your stomach, knowing there was a child growing there. ‘Ivar.’ ‘Please Y/n, I need you. I may not show it but you are constantly on my mind.’ He said, stroking his two fingers slowly over your face, resting against your lips. ‘The next time I will leave you won’t be able to stop me.’ You gave in to it, giving him that one last chance to set things right. ‘I need you, I’m sorry.’ He said before placing his lips against yours. Not in the way like he handled you after a victorious battle, but just the soft hesitating pressure of them. You hesitated of your own before returning that kiss in what supposed to be you and him. His fingers scour your cheek as he kissed you so slowly, so intense. It didn’t restored your confident but at least you felt loved again. He pulled back out of that kiss, pressing his lips against your cheek. ‘You’re pregnant?’ It wasn’t an ask coming over his lips, more still him not believing it. ‘Yes, I am.’ You pushed your nose into his hair as he kissed you neck. He shifted his hand, resting it down on your belly, wanting to feel the life that still needed growing before it could be felt. There weren’t any words, his head laid in the crook of your neck while his fingers rested on your belly and your fingers held on in his hair. Until both your breaths became steady and you fell asleep in the thoughts of loving each other. You woke up under the noise going through the room. You slowly opened your eyes and looked over to his back. He sat up on the edge of the bed, his tattoo glorious but still covered under blood while he buckled his legs together. ‘Does that needs tending.’ Your voice was still raspy a little and he froze. He slowly turned around, looking to your face before he looked down over your body. When his gaze return he looked unsteady so you pushed a morning smile on your lips and he relaxed a little. ‘Everything on me needs tending.’ He said with a weak voice. You knew that once you would step out of that door he would change into that ruthless leader again so you enjoyed it for as long as it last. He looked back before him and your rose your hand up, fingers touching the tattoo on his back. He took in a sharp breath before he looked to his one shoulder, over to you while you scouted his tattoo. ‘I like it.’ ‘You do?’ He asked. You pushed up and sat a little behind him, looking to the black dots marking his skin. It was still sour, and blood laid dry on it but it was typical a sight of Ivar … covered in blood. You placed your lips against his shoulder blade and he signed. ‘Every battle won should have a mark on your body.’ You muttered against his skin. ‘I woke thinking you would be away.’ He changed the subject to your surprise. You frowned your eyebrows and rested your chin on his shoulder, studying his eyes. ‘I told you I wouldn’t.’ You whispered. ‘Maybe I didn’t believe you.’ He murmured, looking in front of him. You kissed his shoulder before getting up and dressed, in all that time he followed your movements around until you were fully dressed and ready. ‘Let’s go remove that blood so everybody sees how great a warrior you are.’ You nodded to his back. ‘You gonna let me crawl around bare chested all day?’ You were just planning on stepping outside but the slight playfulness in his voice stopped you. You turned around, smiling before shaking your head and returning to him. He grabbed you behind your knees and forced you down in his lap. You chuckled, wrapping a hand around his neck before kissing him passionate. He groaned and you knew on that exact moment he was back to his old self. ‘Only I get to see you naked.’ You muttered. ‘I agree.’ He smiled devilish against your lips. You kissed him one last time before going outside to clean his back. Ivar host himself onto a stool while you dragged a bucket over and pushed a cloth under the cold water. Ivar hissed when it contacted with his skin and you looked up to Hvitserk and Ubbe walking over. Hvitserk gave you a thorough look before his eyes shifted towards Ivar. ‘We have a problem.’ ‘Does it involve fighting?’ Ivar asked rather short. ‘Probably.’ Hvitserk shrugged. You looked away from Ivar his back to his both brothers. ‘Ready my chariot.’ Ivar commanded the one slave that stood around. The girl ran of and you threw the cloth away when he reached for his tunic. ‘What are you both still standing around?’ He asked his brothers patience. Hvitserk hide the blunt smile and started walking away. ‘You joining us Y/n?’ Ubbe asked. ‘No she isn’t.’ Ivar answered before you had a change. You slowly turned around to face him, already doubting every word you said yesterday to him. ‘She is pregnant, she isn’t going anywhere near battles from now on.’ He followed smoothly, raising his eyes browns like he wanted you to protest to it. But you could only smile a little. ‘Where do I stay then?’ You asked calmly. ‘At my side.’ ‘As your bodyguard?’ You asked directly, handing him his armor. ‘As my wife.’ He replied, squeezing your hip as you helped him in his armor. You looked down to him and he looked up to you. The devotion was all there and you smiled, biting your lip while looking down to his armor. This was a happy feeling, a feeling you didn’t felt in a very long time. You hold on to it, knowing Ivar his mood shifted easily. But for now, it was the best feeling there was, him kissing your belly before you rode your own horse aside his chariot, powerful … together … as one.

#vikings #vikings imagine #vikings x reader #Ivar imagine #Ivar x reader #Ivar the boneless #ivar #ivar ragnarsson #ivar lothbrok #Ivar the boneless imagine #ivar's heathen army #sister wives #ivartheboneless #vikings fic #history vikings #Ubbe #Ubbe Ragnarsson #Hvitserk #hvitserk ragnarsson #king Ivar #Ivar fic #Ivar drabble

[filmstruck]

Six Questions With FilmStruck: Larry Karaszewski

FilmStruck: What was the movie that made you fall in love with movies?

Larry Karaszewski: That’s a really complicated question. I fell in love with movies when I was very young, like 9 years old. It wasn’t a specific movie and it wasn’t like most kids who fall in love with movies when they see SNOW WHITE or they see THE WIZARD OF OZ. My parents got divorced and my dad got me one night a week and he sort of didn’t know what to do with a kid and he liked to drink beer, so he would go to the drive-in and drink a case of beer and fall asleep. I would watch these insane early 70s drive-in triple bills. So for me it wasn’t a specific movie, but it was more like a place. It was the Moonlight Drive-In in South Bend, Indiana. A lot of times when you see double features now there’s some kind of thought behind them, there’s a plan for playing the two films back to back. But when I was a kid there would be a new release like DR PHIBES playing with (Gillo) Pontecorvo’s BURN! or THE STERILE CUCKOO or KLUTE. You would see these absolutely insane combinations of movies that really had nothing to do with each other. For me being a little kid, they were completely age inappropriate, which I always thought was a good thing. I think one of the problems with audiences right now is from an early age everything is aimed directly at them. When you’re a kid you can watch The Disney Channel, then Nickelodeon, and everything is aimed directly at you. When I was a kid, I don’t want to sound too much like an old guy saying get off my lawn, but when I was a kid there were only three networks, so you had to watch whatever the hell was on. So if MANNIX was on, I had to watch MANNIX even though I didn’t know what the hell was going on and I was bored out of my mind. It made me learn to sit around and wait for the pay off and know that I would be rewarded. That was definitely the case with me seeing so many R-rated films that pushed the envelope. Crazy stuff that you would never show a kid like THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, which I saw at a drive-in at a very young age. 

If I had to specifically answer your question, though, in terms of an early movie I saw that changed me in a big way in terms of love for film I would say HORSE FEATHERS with the Marx Brothers. because I saw it fairly young and it was one of the earliest movies I saw that was not of my era.  I remember seeing HORSE FEATHERS and not knowing who the Marx Brothers were and just being blown away at the freshness and the rapid fire comedy of it all. That Groucho could break the 4th wall, that there could be surreal moments in the middle of a movie. That Harpo could bring out a candle burning at both ends. There was sort of a magical quality to that, with this spirit of anarchy. Groucho’s opening song goes “whatever it is, I’m against it.” Definitely that’s something that appealed to me as a young kid. I think that’s why the Marx Brothers came back so strong in the early 70s. It was that sense of giving the finger to everybody. HORSE FEATHERS is a very good entryway for a young person because it’s giving the finger to a school. It made me love black and white movies. It made me realize black and white movies aren’t stuffy. Black and white movies aren’t dull. Black and white movies are crazier than the movies that other kids were seeing. My friends were seeing Disney kind of movies and I knew that HORSE FEATHERS had more going on than that.  

FS: What was the movie that made you want to go to film school and make movies?

LK: The movie that pulled the switch in my mind was THE CONVERSATION by Francis Ford Coppola. I was born in 1961, so I must have been 12, 13, 14 when I saw that film. That was the first movie that I saw where I put together that there were people who made the film. That there was an intelligence behind the lens. When you first start watching films you only think about the actors.  In the sense that you’re a kid and it’s like “Hey that’s the star! That’s Paul Newman. He’s cool in COOL HAND LUKE. I really want to be Paul Newman!” You don’t really say “I wanna be Stuart Rosenberg,” because you don’t really know what the hell that guy is doing. But when I saw THE CONVERSATION, I knew that there was a person telling me this tale. I could sense that there were filmmakers laying the story out in a certain way. I believe that was 1974. I may have even seen THE CONVERSATION on a double bill with CHINATOWN. They’re both Paramount and they were re-released together at a certain point. 1974 is full of really interesting films. I was coming of age in 1974, 1975 and you’ve got THE CONVERSTAION, CHINATOWN, GODFATHER II, DOG DAY AFTERNOON, ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST, NASHVILLE. These movies are coming right on top of each other and so when the match was lit by THE CONVERSATION there were lots of things to follow up on. It was like “Holy shit. There are voices in American cinema.”  And later when I actually got to work with folks like Milos Forman - it was a dream come true.

FS: How has your love of movies been expressed in your own films and television projects?

LK: That’s kind of an obvious one with me. My writing partner Scott Alexander and I have actually made films about filmmakers. ED WOOD is a complete valentine to joys of being both a filmmaker and a film fan. Just the love that Ed shows Bela [Lugosi] and film in general. Before we made that movie Ed Wood was always seen as a comic figure. A guy who made bad movies. We looked at him a little differently. We said why don’t we concentrate on his passion, why don’t we concentrate on his love of film. He came out to Hollywood and made a handful of movies. Very few people can say that and he pulled it off. He worked with his friends and he worked with his hero. Ed loved movies so much that he just had to make them. So his movies are trying to please himself. He is trying to make the movies he loves. If you look at some of them now, if you look at GLEN OR GLENDA, it’s hard to laugh at all now at GLEN OR GLENDA. It’s a strange, experimental film, a guy putting his life on camera. He wrote, directed, and starred in that movie and it’s about his personal dilemma. For Scott and I, it was the idea of putting our own passion up there. Scott had worked on a bunch of low budget horror films. I had worked on a television show in the Midwest that was made by teenagers. We had both made Super 8 movies. We knew what it was like to be the outsider wanting to make movies and we both had such a passion for film we wanted to transfer that over to Ed.

FS: Are there any films that inspired the structure of American Crime Story?

LK: When we were doing American Crime Story the films we were looking at were some of the films from the same era we were talking about earlier, films like ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN, NETWORK, and the work of Robert Altman. DOG DAY AFTERNOON was another one we talked quite a bit about. Like with ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN, there’s that idea that you know the end. You know what’s going to happen, yet still it has the qualities of a thriller. By going into the minute details of how everything was found out and delivered, it makes it suspenseful even though you know Nixon is going to resign. We talk a lot about Altman when we were writing initially because usually a television show has a protagonist and you follow them the entire way. We saw the O.J. trial as a big Altman movie where everybody thought they were the lead. Everybody was being miked. Everyone thought that they were starring in their own movie and the other people were supporting characters. Like an Altman movie, like NASHVILLE where there are so many characters and when people are on screen they are living their part of the story - that was our goal for THE PEOPLE VS. O.J..

FS: What was your first introduction to the Criterion Collection?

LK: I was an early adopter. In fact, Criterion should give me a reimbursement check for all those LaserDiscs that I bought. Criterion was the first place on home video that I felt treated the movies with respect. In order to get them initially you had to have a LaserDisc player and nobody had a LaserDisc player. So I got a LaserDics player and my friend Dan Waters, the screenwriter of HEATHERS, got a LaserDisc player and we just became these LaserDisc freaks who would go down and buy all of these things. We would have a big discussion between CLV vs. CAV, which means absolutely nothing to anybody today, but it was an extra 50 bucks if you were buying the disc back in the day.

FS: I’m sorry I’m a youngin’, what does CLV and CAV mean?

LK: It was the amount of information on a disc. You had CAV was the highest quality you could get. CLV was a little lesser quality. With LaserDiscs you had to switch sides, so sometimes only one side would be CAV. Criterion was the first place to do commentary tracks, so it really was like going to film school again. I remember my demonstration disc, when people would come over and I would tell them about LaserDiscs and the Criterion Collection and they didn’t know what the hell I was talking about, so I would throw on the last side of TAXI DRIVER with Scorsese’s commentary track. People couldn’t believe it. They were watching the movie with Martin Scorsese and Martin Scorsese is talking about how and why he made all these decisions. Martin Scorsese was talking about Travis sitting outside and talking about ROCCO AND HIS BROTHERS playing inside the apartment. I remember that was my go-to because whenever I put it on for somebody, the following week they’d buy a LaserDisc player, or at least they’d say “can I come over again next Sunday and watch something else?”

FS: Do you remember what the first one you bought was?

LK: I still have most of them. The first memorable one was TAXI DRIVER, but I bought so many back in the day. I was pulling them out for talking to you guys and so many are still unopened! I paid $100 for VENGEANCE IS MINE on LaserDisc and it just sits there unopened. 

FS: You could sell that on eBay!

LK:  Yeah for like $5. The only laserdisc from Criterion that was worth a lot of money on eBay was SALO when you couldn’t get it any other way. 

FS: What was the first film you streamed on FilmStruck?

LK: I remember the first day I went on FilmStruck, I actually didn’t watch any movies. I watched a bunch of intros. The film writer Kim Morgan did a bunch, like Bergman and Kubrick and Guy Maddin. I love Kim’s writing so I wanted to see what she had to say about the films. My first great movie experience on FilmStruck was I MARRIED A WITCH, which I had never seen before. For some reason I had always avoided it, even though I love Veronica Lake in SULLIVAN’S TRAVELS. For some reason I had an “Oh it’s I DREAM OF JEANNIE or BEWITCHED” in my head. When I saw the movie it was so light and so funny and so magically done, no pun intended, I was completely blown away. So that was my gateway into FilmStruck.

FS: If the world were about to end what five movies on FilmStruck would you recommend everyone stream before we all died?

LK: [laughs] The problem is I don’t know what they’ve watched before. Like, BADLANDS is one of the top ten films of all time and you’ve got to watch BADLANDS, but hopefully you’ve already seen BADLANDS. Hopefully if you are dying in my nuclear bunker, you’re one of my friends and I’ve shown you BADLANDS before. I’m gonna spotlight some lesser known films on FilmStruck. There’s a Russian film called COME AND SEE, which I think is a masterpiece and probably one of the best war films ever. There’s a film by Jerzy Skolimowski  called MOONLIGHTING with Jeremy Irons playing a Polish worker in London in the 80s. I’m a huge fan of a movie from the 30s called DODSWORTH directed by William Wyler. You can never go wrong watching a William Wyler movie. Here’s a movie from the 70s that doesn’t get talked about very much: THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING, John Huston’s big adventure movie. It doesn’t get talked about much because it doesn’t really feel like a 1970s movie in the sense that it isn’t R-rated, it isn’t gritty, it isn’t one of those kind of movies; It’s more of an old fashioned adventure movie, and Huston knocks it out of the park. I’d throw in SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS, which was a huge influence for Scott and I when we were writing BIG EYES, particularly the first part of it which spotlighted the nightclubs in North Beach in San Francisco. The Hungry Eye, The Purple Onion, and sort of that way that Walter Keane just kept working the room wherever he went. So we would watch SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS a lot when we were writing those nightclub scenes. I think that’s a solid list of films to stream as the world ends on our watch.

You can follow Larry Karaszewski on Twitter here. The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story airs Wednesdays at 10pm on FX. 

#FilmStruck #Larry Karaszewski #Criterion Collection #Six Questions With FilmStruck #American Crime Story #The Assassination of Gianni Versace #ACSVersace #Network #Veronica Lake #I Married A Witch #The Marx Brothers #Ed Wood #Badlands #Sweet Smell of Success #Francis Ford Coppola #Marya E Gates

[writingwitchly]

I'm in love with you

New Start - Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader Word count: 1,5k Warning: none A/N: This is the final chapter, though I’m inspired to write a Draco POV, so it’ll soon be out. What is incredible is that this three days series didn’t leave me alone, I DREAMED OF THE FREAKING PARK AND WILLOW TREE LAST NIGHT.

Under the shadow of a willow tree, still in shock because of Draco's recent confession, you try to separate your regrets from your desires, your past from your future. Maybe -- just maybe -- it is time to make a change.

This took you off-guard.

Realizing that your best friend cared about you before you even started to talk to him -- took you off-guard.

There is so much you want to say. So many questions you want an answer to.

And then, there is this illusion, nestled in the back of your head. It keeps coming forward, trying to make itself a path to your focus, to your mouth. You want to say it so bad. You want to know if it’s true. But you push it back, afraid that you will just harm yourself. Hiding it is the only hope you can cling to.

The bench on which you both sat after his revelation feels cold warm you. What an agreeable feeling. Warmness.

“Why- why didn’t you say this before?”

Draco is unable to look at you in the eyes. What he has just said costed him a lot of effort, months of gathering bravery. And he is still not done.

“I was afraid that you wouldn’t believe me,” he confesses, a bitter note to his voice.

An uncomfortable silence wraps you, heavy with forgotten images of your past. The more you think about it, the more of these events come as flashbacks.

“This is not a joke, right?”

Your voice is barely audible, crashing under the realization of what this could mean.

“We’re not April the first, Y/N. Today is May the second, not an appropriate day for jokes.”

Right, what an absurd question it was. But after all, the whole situation is absurd.

If this could just mean…  in any way… that he likes me…

No, this can’t be. Because of Jim. Because of your blood status. Because of his family. Because what you had to suffer is somehow related to them.

And because you’re just friends.

“I still can’t work out why-”

“Really, Y/N?”

He stands up, an incredulous, resigned expression on his face, and you raise as well, panicking without any apparent reason.

“You don’t understand why I did my best to keep you safe? What pushed me to take care of you during all these years?”

You look for an answer, but no words leave your tongue. You stay there, mouth slightly gaping, unable to maintain eye-contact with him.

“We were on the Hogwarts Express when I first noticed you. How could I not notice you?” he starts, and you attempt to hide your face behind your hands, but he grabs them and holds them firmly. “I’m not talking about your looks only, Y/N. Remember this guy who was bothering you? You were eleven, he already knew about magic but you didn’t, he was taller than you, and what did you do?”

“I slapped him,” you shyly snort.

“That’s right, you slapped him,” he repeats, grinning, as he runs a hand through your hair. This simple action sends shivers down your spine, and you bit your lip to stay focused. “Because you’re the bravest, the strongest, the sassiest person I’ve ever met. From that day on, I looked for you wherever I went, in any crowd and any situation. I felt- like I had to do it. Every time I saw your face, it seemed to glow a little bit more, attracting me like a magnet. But your blood type…”

You feel your heart lurch. This is just what you were afraid to hear. The hope that was building up inside your chest crunches into a million pieces.

“I was wrong,” he says vehemently, making you flinch. “I was so wrong to believe that we were different just because your parents are not like mine. We’re both humans, equally good. I didn’t think this way, back then, but I couldn’t convince myself to ignore you. I kept saving you from all the harm I could, because I had never felt such a strong feeling toward anybody. I saved you from the basilisk, from Umbridge, from the Death Eaters, from Dolohov, and from any other thing I could because-”

He takes a shaky breath, and you’re too astonished to think straight.

Say it. Say it, please.

“Because I’m in love with you,” he whispers.

For a fraction of a second, you are back to the dark August morning, when Draco stepped on the small alley that leads to your cozy house, knocking on the door and asking to your mother if he could talk to you. It was this day, when she climbed the stairs to tell you that somebody was looking for you, that you realized how much you had let your life slip away, that you decided to be strong again.

So, for the first time in long months, you reached the bottom of the stairs of your house, carefully taking in every single detail of the bright hallway, the old leather armchairs in the living room, the porcelain dishes adorning the border of the chimney.

When you saw his high silhouette standing in the door frame, his white-blonde hair carefully combed as usual, your felt a rush of loathing and an urge to punch him hard. But then, his simple smile, the outside light that surrounded him like an aura, the honest look of sadness and desolation on his face, the wish to make peace impressed on his features held you back.

He offered you flowers, beautiful purple hyacinth, that you knew, because of your mother’s love for plants, symbolize regret and willingness to be forgotten. He explained you how sorry he was for everything you had been through, and offered you his help. It was the beginning of a long path during which he gained your confidence and he helped you travel through your grief.

Of course, at the beginning you were distrustful, still pained, but something inside you screamed that this was the right thing to, so you went along. You learned about him and about yourself, about friendship and about what you believed was only great appreciation.

But the butterflies in the stomach, the feeling of emptiness when he was not around, the constant thoughts about him were not derived from great appreciation.

You had forgotten how it felt, to be in love, until he put the words on it seconds ago.

What happens in the next moments is so confused. You’re barely able to feel his hands cupping your face when an inside force pushes you forward and causes you to connect your lips. Your arms move alone to close around his neck, and he presses himself to you by holding your waist.

It feels as if your bodies were making up for the lost time, the forever you could have had if he had come to you in first year, or in second, or whenever before.

When you finally separate from the kiss, just a few inches so you can breathe, you leave your eyes closed for a moment, appreciating the touch of his hands on your back and his scent all around you.

Then, your gaze meets his, and a childish smile blooms on your lips. The whole meaning of what happened hits you: You just kissed Draco.

“Y/N,” he says softly. “You told me once that his- Jim’s last words were about his love for you-”

You know what he will say next. That if you don’t want to, if you feel bad about this, you can stop it.

You do feel bad. You loved Jim. But you have to face the reality: He is gone. You almost let your life slip away from you once. You’re not going to make the same mistake again.

“He also told me-”

It has costed you three years, but you’re finally ready to flip the page and write a new chapter in the story of your life.

“-to have a new start.”

And as you pronounce these words, a ton of regrets, grief, pain, is lifted from your shoulders.

Two shiny tears roll down your cheeks, but they are wiped away by Draco’s hands.

He kisses you again, this time more intensely.

You don’t notice the little girl that observes you in awe, clapping her pink hands in happiness at the sight of her ideal romantic kiss, nor the old couple that passes you, discreetly smiling because you remember them of their old times.

All you feel is his skin, soft on yours, and his hair, silky under your touch. You taste the sweetness of his breath, enjoying his scent all over you. The sun rays reach you in tiny golden spots through the leaves of the willow tree, and the birds’ chirping replaces the angelic chorus of such a perfect moment. It feels like glory.

Draco’s lips caress your neck, move to your cheeks, and finally rest next to your ear.

“And I want to share it with you.”

New start tag: @stone0502 @doubtinglord 

#draco malfoy #draco x reader #draco #draco malfoy one shot #draco malfoy fanfic #hp fanfic #fanfic #new start #part 3 #chapter 3 #wizarding world wait for me #draco malfoy fic #draco malfoy imagine #new start draco malfoy #***writingr

[couchmonkey]

PILOT season!!

When I was young, Brandon Tartikoff was a hero of mine. I always fancied myself a closet programmer, so I love pilot season. THR published a list of the projects moving forward and as I was procrastinating, some are already on the air.

Let’s start with Stumptown. Inspired by the Oni Press graphic novels, Dex Parios (Cobie Smulders), a strong, assertive and unapologetically sharp-witted (but, let’s face it, hot mess) Army veteran working as a P.I. in Portland. Michael Ealy plays the cop because there must always be one. His boss is Camryn Manheim (yes!!), and the whole reason I heard about the show is Tantoo Cardinal, a powerful local Native American tied to Dex’s past. Oops, almost forgot the best friend, JakeJohnson of New Girl. His past is a little messy, too. He now owns a bar and employs Dex’s brother Ansel (Cole Sibus). It’s a tight cast, and Dex really is a hot mess nut she gets things done.

All Rise, it looks like, was originally pitched as Courthouse, good thing they changed the name! Simone Missick is a former DA who just became a judge and is encircled by Ruthie Ann Mills as her assistant, Lindsay Mendez as her stenographer, J. Alex Brinson as the deputy in her courtroom, and Marg Helgenberger as her mentor. I was not familiar with the first three when I started the show but they are a strong team. The 2 main lawyers are Wilson Bethel, a DA and old friend of Missick’s judge, and Jessica Camacho, a VERY determined public defender. I like the dynamics of the show, it’s very seldom a case of the week situation (even though there is one). Viewers get little snippets of most of the characters’ lives organically so, in my opinion, you enjoyed the show more the more you watch.

Evil is one of the most unique shows on the air this season. It pits science and religion, Katja Herbers plays a skeptical clinical psychologist who joins a priest-in-training (Mike Colter) and a blue-collar contractor ( Aasif Mandvi)  to investigate supposed miracles, demonic possessions and other extraordinary occurrences to see if there's a scientific explanation or if something truly supernatural is at work.The give and take between science and religion is truly engaging and Michael Emerson is truly creepy and possibly playing for the other side in this battle.

Bob Hearts Abishola follows Bob (Billy Gardell) who, after having a heart attack, falls in love with his Nigerian nurse (Folake Olowofoyeku). I think I saw the pilot, the rest of the episodes are on my DVR at the moment and thanks to some of the promos and Christine Ebersole, I do plan to get to them. ETA: I’ve watched a couple.  Folake Olowofoyeku is really great but because this whole thing seems to involve the progress of their relationship, it runs a little slow for me.

Carol's Second Act is also piling up on my DVR.  I’ve been on bedrest because of an injury and have been mostly streaming. But, like Bob, I do plan to get to it. I do like that Patricia Heaton is the lead, a med student of all things. I have to think it’s also still on the air because it also has a strong male lead, Kyle MacLachlan, although I’ve never personally seen him do comedy.  Cedric Yarbrough is a strong motivator for me as well as I saw every episode of Speechless. ETA: Well, plans change. I erased them all. I thought if I hadn’t gotten to them by now, watching them would be a chore.

The Unicorn is a sitcom I actually have been watching. I didn’t want to at first because, although I’d heard of Walton Goggins, I had never actually seen him in anything. But it’s kind of like Seinfeld in that there is such an impressively strong group playing the couples who are his friends. Omar Benson Miller (yes!!) and  Maya Lynne Robinson are a couple with 4 kids and essentially a no nonsense approach and Rob Corddry and comedy goddess Michaela Watkins are the white color kid with a single kid who is well on her way to nerdhood.  These four a Goggins’ lifeline after his wife passes and he becomes a single father. The whole widower thing is handled well. His wife is mentioned or remembered in a completely organic way and allows the show to stay away from a trajectory that could have become maudlin.

Prodigal Son is another fairly unique concept for this season. Tom Payne plays Malcolm Bright, the son of a notorious serial killer called The Surgeon (Michael Sheen) who understands how killers think. The criminal psychologist uses his skills to help an NYPD unit led by Lou Diamond Phillips, a cop he’s known since his youth. What is interesting for me so far is that Bright’s mom, Bellamy Young, is her own kind of nuts, and Malcolm, who started off as a little nutty (I mean consider his past), is well on his way to possibly off his rocker.

Bluff City Law is a case of the week legal drama set in Memphis. The viewer is getting smidges of the character’s private lives each week but character development seems a little slow. I like Caitlin McGee’s performance but I’d never heard of her before watching this. The anchor for the show and the law firm in it is Jimmy Smits. The supporting cast, especially Barry Sloane who’s mostly navigated a single case for the first part of the season, is just starting to get noticed. It’s not something I race to watch but I like it. ETA: It has gotten cancelled. Poor Barry Sloane.

Emergence was a show I was waiting for as it marked the return of Allison Tolman.  She plays a sheriff who takes in a young child that she finds near the site of a mysterious accident who has no memory of what has happened. The investigation so far has been weird and sometimes violent and definitely is affecting her family, including father Clancy Brown and ex-husband Donald Faison. But, bless her, she is nowhere near ready to give up. The cliffhanger before Christmas break was very illuminating.

I have watched a couple of episodes of Perfect Harmony (the rest are on my DVR). I love that Bradley Whitford is doing outright comedy although his character, an Ivy League music professor, is quite cranky. But I’m not in a rush to get back to it because it doesn’t seem like there’s enough material for it to run for multiple seasons. ETA: Like Carol’s Second Act, these got dumped off my DVR.

While we’re talking about enough material, Sunnyside was one of the first casualties of the season and, I have to say, I saw it coming. The pilot was well done, Kal Penn played Garrett Shah, a disgraced former New York city councilman who finds his calling when faced with immigrants in need of his help and in search of the American Dream. I know the immigration and nationalization process in the US is a lengthy process but it just didn’t seem like there was enough to keep people coming back despite the presence of talent like Diana Maria Riva.

Almost Family revolves around Julia Beckley (Brittany Snow) having her life turned upside down when it's revealed that her father, a pioneering Nobel Prize-winning fertility doctor, used his own sperm to conceive dozens of children over the course of his career. She connects with two “sisters” in particular and I think that’s what they’ve built the show on but I had a hard time believing any of the negative effects of all this coming from Snow and chose to stop watching. I do have the Australian show it’s based on as part of my Netflix list, I think I will probably end up watching that first.

I did start watching Batwoman before my injury, it being female led and all. Ruby Rose does inspire a bit of monotony in the voiceovers that populate the show but I get it, she’s tired, she’s working hard and only making minimal progress, I understand she’s not full of pep. It is kind of weird to watch her slip into the suit and try to make it work for her and watch Camrus Johnson, the steward of the life Bruce Wayne abandoned, do his best to both avoid and become her Alfred. ETA: That got dumped off the DVR, too. There’s SOOOO much TV.

FBI: Most Wanted is a spinoff of FBI (somebody may have to stop Dick Wolf) featuring 
Julian McMahon of Nip/Tuck as the head of team tasked with hunting down fugitives. Sadly, it’s been pretty run of the mill so far except for McMahon’s in-laws, which include Nathanial Arcand as his brother-in-law and a member of his squad.

The CW did reboot Nancy Drew and while I did not hate the concept, I’m still loyal to Pamela Sue Martin and chose not to watch it.

These are the shows that are on the air. Some mid-season shows are still ready to roll out. Some are already being bolstered by promos like Deputy. I am looking forward to that one and watching Stephen Dorff unexpectedly be made the sheriff of LA County. I think and really hope Yara Martinez, last seen and underutilized on Bull, will get to be a meaty part of this drama. ETA: Yara has gotten some featured episodes and done well but she’s essentially in the same boat as David Conrad on the Ghost Whisperer and Jake Weber on Medium.

Tommy is another cop show but thankfully Tommy is Abigail Thomas’ nickname and Edie Falco is front and centre as the first female chief of police for Los Angeles. She got the position as part of a court mandate after some ugliness in the department and often has to deal with the mayor, Tom Sadowski. Tommy’s assembled a pretty tight circle so far and, of course, does things her own way, so I’ve been trying to watch this live.

Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist is SOOOOOO good. I’ve missed Jane Levy so much and this has not only a lovely story but singing and dancing (with choreography by Mandy Moore). After an accident in an MRI machine, Levy’s character can hear people expressing their feelings through song. Her supporting cast is top notch. Alex Newell of Glee plays her neighbor who is trying to help Zoey figure this out, Skylar Astin of Pitch Perfect and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is her BFF, Lauren Graham is her boss, and Mary Steenburgen and Peter Gallagher are her parents. Some of the most touching scenes (and songs) have involved Levy and Gallagher, who has lost many functions, including speech and a lot of movement. Thanks to Zoey’s condition, he is able to express himself to her through song and Gallagher’s voice is so sweet.

Geniuses has become Outmatched and features Maggie Lawson and Jason Biggs as parents of 4 children, 3 of whom are geniuses. I’ve seen 3 episodes so far. Everyone except the “normal” child seems to be waiting for a rimshot. I did enjoy Tony Danza as Jason Bigg’s dad but I am not going to be busting my butt to watch it. 

Uninsured has become Indebted. Adam Pally and Abby Elliott end up having to take care of Dave's parents (Fran Drescher and Steven Weber), who have mismanaged their finances and need help paying down a sizable debt. Sadly, like Outmatched, everyone seems to be waiting for a rimshot and the jokes seem really repetitive. Weber’s character, for example, is constantly talking about spending extravagant amounts of money even though he is deep in debt and I doubt they’re going after a dementia storyline with him. When the name Dan Levy popped up on the credits I did a lightning fast search on IMDB to make sure it was not, in my mind, THE Dan Levy of Schitt’s Creek, and thankfully, there are 2 of them.

Lincoln Rhyme, who was played on the big screen by Denzel Washington, is now Russell Hornsby from Grimm and Fox’s failed Proven Innocent. There’s still an Amelia Sachs, there’s still a Bone Collector, and Michael Imperioli is always a strong utility player but I’m finding it collecting on the DVR because of the plethora of good stuff available on Thursday and my need to get through that because sampling Friday’s mostly guilty pleasures.

Katy Keene has made it air. It’s a Riverdale spinoff on the CW and they are spending a lot on advertising but not enough to rope me in. Not that I think it’s not a good show, I’m just not the target audience.

Of the rest of the list, I know the planned reboots of New York Undercover and NYPD blue did not make it out of the gate. 

I’m never going to get this post finished if I included all of the pilots on the list I still haven’t talked about, so I’ll go with bullet points about the ones that stood out to me:

Nana: Katey Sagal playing a grandmother. Yeah. 

An untitled comedy pairing Leslie Odom Jr. and Kelly Jenrette: GREAT team, well matched I think.

The Republic of Sarah: Sarah Drew of Grey's Anatomy goes from mayor to president. So much story potential there.

Broke: Jaime Camil and Natasha Leggero plus Pauley Perrette - uh, yes please. Sounds like a very strong team to me. 

Next is a vehicle for Jon Slattery of Mad Men, who I adore, but I don’t recognize much of the supporting cast, which could be a problem if none of them are able to rise to his level.

Filthy Rich features Kim Cattrall and Gerald McRaney, a very strong base but I’m wondering how the religious community will respond to a story about how imperfect true believers can be. Another plus for me, it’s supposed to be filmed in New Orleans.

Richard Lovely is a vehicle for the uber talented Thomas Lennon, who plays the disgruntled author of the best-selling children's book series, Mr. Mouse. It looks like he’ll have Wendie Malick as a frequent scene partner and I believe that to be an ideal pairing.

Council of Dads is getting a lot of advertising but will involve death. If they handle it as well as The Unicorn has, I think it might have a chance.

That’s all I’ve got. I wish I’d finished this sooner. My DVR is 63% full. I’m going to match more TV.

[gamerszone2019-blog]

Erica Review - Grab The Popcorn

New Post has been published on https://gamerszone.tn/erica-review-grab-the-popcorn/

Erica Review - Grab The Popcorn

Erica never lets you feel at ease for long. In one scene, a character teaches Erica how to play a song on the piano–you’re encouraged to memorize the cute little melody and try to perform the correct timing. But just when you start playing along, somebody suddenly starts coughing up blood everywhere, it’s messy and gross, everyone starts screaming, and the vibe is killed. In Erica you have to treasure those sweet breaks before they’re swiftly swiped from your hands and replaced with a solid helping of worry, stress, and a side of confusion.

A fully filmed playable thriller in which the titular character is on a mission to help solve a murder case that she has strange family ties to, Erica utilizes some subtle yet effective film-inspired techniques–like match on action and screen wipes triggered by touchpad interactions–to tell its enigmatic tale. To progress each scene, you choose dialogue options and make various adventure game-like actions. The game bounces back and forth in time between Erica’s childhood with her father to the mess that is modern-day life, in which she has to move to a strange hospital her late parents helped create for her own safety.

Erica, played by real-life actor Holly Earl, is a relatable, if malleable, protagonist. Earl regularly looks like she’s bewildered or uncomfortable, exactly how you feel as a viewer in most of the situations. She seems thoughtful and patient, but other than that there isn’t too much of a set personality for her. You decide through your in-game choices if she’s more passive or aggressive or unhelpful during the case, and because of the high stakes murder circumstances, switching her attitude and approach never feels abrupt nor out of character. Even if you spend most of the game being rude, you can be friendly to someone and it doesn’t feel weird. Your reactions, and in turn Erica’s, are likely to change frequently during a playthrough every time new information pops up, objectives change, and new, incredibly peculiar characters enter the picture.

Somehow, every new character you meet is more suspicious than the last. Everyone talks to you like they just poisoned the food you’re eating. There’s a sequence in the courtyard where you can choose a girl to hang out with and get to know better, and right after you pick a possible pal to spend the afternoon with, the head of the hospital says, “Just remember that some of the girls here… Uh… They can be quite manipulative,” and just walks away. The guy is nowhere to be found after that, and you’re left sitting there wondering why would he say that–and before you know it, you’re overthinking every interaction because you don’t know which person he was insinuating was going to manipulate you. All of the secrets, ulterior motives, and Erica’s own faulty memory cause for some very intriguing “Trust nobody, not even yourself” gameplay.

Perpetual disorientation is the central feeling of Erica, and it’s what keeps you searching for the truth no matter how many crooked obstacles stand in your way. The plot is ever-changing and chaotic; you’re attempting to solve a crime by talking to a plethora of weirdos in an unfamiliar, creepy place while having stifling flashbacks of your messed-up childhood. There’s so many forces clashing and intense situations going on that you find yourself yearning to make sense of even the smallest mystery just to feel grounded. There was a time where Erica was being gaslit by a character and I ended up shaking my fist and yelling “She’s not crazy, you’re just lying!” at my TV–but even though that character annoyed me I kept listening to them in case they accidentally dropped a small hint to steer me in the right direction, and they did. Erica is a striking example of a whodunit that’s heightened by its enthralling characters, shady occult science, and recollections of previous trauma.

From the overall murder case to smaller questions like what kind of hospital you’re staying at, there are a number of mysteries weaving together concurrently throughout Erica. It’s easy to miss context that’s vital to understanding the full picture. You might get an answer to a question that’s been burning in your mind for the last half hour, but that answer could be a truth that presents new pathways to choose from or a lie that leads you astray. That mystery management is exciting and makes every experience with the game its own curious, isolated thriller molded by whatever answers and stories you care about at the time.

You can use either a DualShock 4 controller or a companion phone app to play Erica; the latter is smooth and seamless for the most part, while the former is bogged down by a clunky implementation of touchpad controls and is the far less preferable option. As you move through the narrative, you alternate between selecting which areas to explore, choosing dialogue options like “contempt” or “desperation,” and performing no-stakes everyday actions like cleaning the fog from a mirror or turning on the sink. Potential actions are shown as silhouettes on-screen, and there’s also a mock trajectory of where to swipe your hand on your phone if you’re using the app. The inputs are all done by small, comfortable hand swipes, not extending to the full horizontal or vertical reach of the screen.

Most actions are intuitive, and you feel like you know where to swipe and what you can do before the game even tells you. There’s a moment where you and a detective walk up to an empty reception desk that has a bell sitting on it, for example. I lit up when I saw it and I started tapping on the screen a bunch–Erica didn’t hesitate to mimic my actions in her world and ding away, so much so that the detective swatted her hand off of it because he got annoyed. The straightforward motions make navigating trouble-free, and being able to quickly deduce what moves you can make adds a connection to the moment-to-moment gameplay. It keeps your focus on the important things, like figuring out what the heck is going on in the story.

Choices and quick-time events happen every 30 seconds or so, which may sound overwhelming, but it isn’t so in practice. Most of the time, they aren’t high pressure actions; they’re a chain of a few choices, and those chunks are separated by longer cutscenes every so often. They do eventually get mundane and feel unnecessary, especially if you choose to use the DualShock 4, though. The game is controlled entirely with touch, and while the swipes are supposed to be a convenience for your hands, it’s difficult to perform them on the small DualShock touchpad without your fingers slipping off or hitting the joysticks. There were also a few occasions where the companion app was slightly unresponsive, which is something that can have game-changing consequences if it happens at a critical moment. It takes a second to get back into the game’s rhythm after there’s a blip in the controls. They’re small things, but those shortcomings pull you out of what is otherwise a really engrossing experience.

In general, the filmic elements are integrated so carefully that it’s a genuine and mostly calculated mix of two mediums. Erica is in the middle of game and movie, and a lot of small mechanics add up to show that. For example, the character Erica is an artist, and there’s a scene fairly early on where you can flip through the pages of her artbook. Looking through a character’s personal items is a common feature in interactive adventure games, but the detail that went into shooting the natural angles of each flip makes it an even more intimate way of gaining insight into who the character is. Outside of the footage itself, all of the trophy pop-ups are paused until you complete the game, which goes a long way to keep you from getting distracted. It’s a small, fitting touch for a game that values story so much.

Perpetual disorientation is the central feeling of Erica, and it’s what keeps you searching for the truth no matter how many crooked obstacles stand in your way.

There are also some sneaking situations that are made better by the film aspect. There are always conversations happening behind closed doors, and because you have so many questions that you need answered, sometimes you have to be a weirdo and eavesdrop on people. If you peek out for too long or open the door too fast, they’ll see you, stop their conversation, and share an awkward glance with you. Because it’s footage of actual peoples’ facial expressions, it makes you cringe a little more–and that is one of the most high-tension fail states I can imagine.

The whole time, the game marinates you in a constant anxious energy that fuels a curiosity for the dodgy, mysterious world that you’re influencing. Some scenes you’re just holding a book or a photo and staring at it for details, but since it’s paired with an insidious sting it transforms what would be a normal occasion into bitter dread. There are flashbacks, dreams, and abnormal things happening frequently; oftentimes you’re forced to decide on the one secret you want to uncover the most and drop the others. Should you pick up the phone that’s been ringing in the lobby or check out that weird ghost thing in the hallway? There are some decisions that are straight-up difficult–high-stakes ones where, in the bottom of your heart, you don’t know what the right thing to do is, but you know you have to do something. Those times will have you wishing that this game was just a movie, but Erica is more than that.

Erica has a strong, fleshed-out narrative full of twists and turns that each bring their own unique piece to the story. Its cryptic tone is carried through the audio, visuals, and writing; it never lets you relax. Sometimes weird controls jolt you out, but there is an abundance of enticing threads to follow, and it’s a treat to be able to mold your own adventure out of it. Using a combination of crisp cinematography and FMV-specific game mechanics, Erica never fails to hook you into its haunting, mysterious world.

Source : Gamesport

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