#this year I was like I'm taking ap physics I'll never do it

[femslashspuffy]

I am one movie away from watching 31 movies this month

Every October I think I can't do it and then I somehow pull it off every year

#rehks rants #this year I was like I'm taking ap physics I'll never do it #30 movies in 27 days babyyy #and 8 of those were movies I've never seen before #I usually like to do about 1/3 first time watches and I think I pretty much succeeded #I'll post my whole october watchlist when the month is over #I had some very bad picks and some very good ones

[notebeans-galaxy]

you wanna know something? I was extremely ambitious as a child. I've wanted to be an engineer and an astrophysicist since before I learned long division. I wanted to be a writer by the time I was 9, and I wanted to be a singer by the time I was 11.

That ambition decreased in middle & high school, but it never fully went away; I decided I also wanted to be a visual artist and a programmer and a polyglot and an activist. On the more casual side I want to study genetics, pharmacology, voice acting, literature, linguistics, anthropology, the occult, & religious history.

I was a straight A student in elementary school. I wasn't just a straight A student, I was a dedicated nerd; I genuinely enjoyed school despite severe social ostracization and I thought most of my homework was interesting enough that I wasn't bored while doing it.

And somehow, despite that, despite that I've always been ambitious and always sought challenge and that I was competitive to a fault, I somehow managed to convince myself I was lazy in middle and high school when my grades dropped due to severe unaddressed childhood trauma causing mental health issues, my ADHD medication losing effectiveness from being on it for a decade, and multiple undiagnosed chronic illnesses. I never actually stopped trying. I'd just convinced myself that because I couldn't complete classwork with the same attention I used to, that because I was stressed and exhausted and had to rest more often, that it was somehow my fault that my grades got worse. No, I'm fucking disabled. No one ever bothered to tell me that ADHD was a disability until I was in high school, no one but me realized I was depressed or autistic until I asked for diagnoses, no one ever took the severity of my chronic fatigue or post-exertional malaise or orthostatic intolerance seriously enough. fuck the way estrogen interacts with dysautonomia y'all it's so bad, testosterone HRT was more effective treatment for it than anything else. i still need salt tablets but my POTS is stable now entirely because of T.

I think the real kicker is that all it took was a bus to my house for me to attend school again. The barriers to success for disabled students often have such simple solutions and yet no one's willing to implement them until forced to. I was convinced for years that it was my own failures & incompetence that were the issue, and all it took was not being forced to walk.

I'm going to start college in the fall and I know it's possible for me to achieve some of the things I've had my sights set on since I was a kid. I still have chronic fatigue and chronic pain and non-24 complicates scheduling, but calculus is a hell of a lot easier when you aren't suffering 3+ types of cognitive impairment simultaneously. side note why is calculus Like That I can do physics related calculus because i learned integrals and derivatives before literally anything else because i was taking AP Physics: Mechanics concurrently with Calc AB during my first attempt at 12th grade, but i struggle to comprehend the rest of it.

A few years ago, I'd resigned myself to not being able to pursue my interests. I figured I wouldn't be able to succeed in anything I tried due to how ill I was. And while I still may not be able to study all of the things I'm interested in at a college, I sure as hell can pursue the most important ones — the original four things I wanted to do with my life. Writing and music can easily remain hobbies; I don't need those to be part of my career to feel fulfilled in them. I'm planning to study cosmology in the distant future (from what I understand, you need a Ph.D to even get started) and I'll be basing my class choices around that; underclassmen all have undeclared majors at my college, but as of now I'm planning to frame my schedule around pursuit of a physics degree (which is also easily transferrable to engineering!). Crushing college debt, here I come — but it's worth it to study astronomy, physics, & cosmology.

All it took was a bus. All it took for me to graduate high school was a bus.

#disability and education #i am way too ambitious #notebeans' random personal essays #ableism #ableism in schools #disabled #disability #internalized ableism #laziness is a myth #actually disabled #autistic #autism #actually autistic #POTS #adhd #actually adhd #post exertional malaise #trauma #mental illness #depression

[jocrude]

MAJOR VENT CW

What Do I Do Now The Fire's Gone Out?

My 22nd birthday is coming soon. I swore I'd put off all serious thoughts of suicide until I was 27. But I can't.

When I was a child, my situation was objectively far worse. A person I'd formerly loved very deeply began to constantly abuse me in horrendous ways, I actually came very close to being killed more than once and nobody knew the full extent of it or even took it seriously. I had drawn-out psychotic episodes that I've never had since becoming an adult. And of course I was physically weak and mentally lacked the knowledge and coping mechanisms to deal with it.

As a kid I always believed that somehow, I'd be alright. I had dreams: art, music, writing, studying, finding love. But they could wait until I'd become an adult, I was just laying the groundwork then.

Now that I'm an adult my situation is objectively better. I have achieved major life goals like moving to Australia (where most of my family is from and which I always considered my real home) permanently, finishing year 12, sex/romance milestones (although I've never had a serious relationship and have only had sex with men, not yet women), and even without a job now I'm living in a safe space, keeping a roof over my head, getting enough to eat, all the prerequisites to doing what the little girl in me always wanted to do.

But now that I'm actually ready to do all those things I find the desire I used to have to do them has vanished. Everything I need to do just to live bare-minimum from day-to-day feels like tedium, and everything I used to look forward to as a major goal just seems like a promise of more dissapointment. Anything that's supposed to help me get better becomes another chore that I will never complete.

Sometimes, somehow, I've been able to build enough momentum to feel able to look forward to things, to get started on them, but it only lasts long enough to either have something unexpected and cruel pop into my life to ruin me all over again, or even worse lose my vigilance and just wake up one day to find that all the momentum has slipped from my grasp.

I've tried to kill myself several times, ever since I was about 9 or so. At first because I just couldn't take the suffering of the present moment. But increasingly because it seemed like death, nothingness, wouldn't really be noticeably different from life except that I wouldn't be around to witness it. There'd be no joy in either of them but in nothingness I wouldn't know what joy was to begin with, let alone desire it or feel an absence of it.

Until now, when I get close enough to start trying something I'll stop and console myself with some vague hope that will maybe last a few days. Or else (increasingly as I've grown older

) it's just the dumb, instinctual fear of death bred into me by a thousand dead apes that wins out, and I'm left to not only feel but to feel like a coward.

Right now I've put a moratorium on all plans or even debates with myself regarding suicide. I'm at least going to try to exist until I'm 27, and make something of an effort to actually live. Mostly because the constant wrestling with my own mortality was growing tedious.

In conclusion, it's not that I don't believe it ever gets better. It's that I just can't find a way to get interested in whatever "better" is.

#depression #depressing shit #mentally fucked #cptsd #tw vent #vent post

[ysapawithfeelings]

Life Lately

I know it's been a minute, and I do apologize to my readers (feelingera?) if I haven't been able to post anything for months. Life just keeps happening and unraveling, and there are unnerving moments when I literally have to pause and take some deep breaths, always fearing I won't be able to keep up with the endless changes, countless chores, and spiraling conflicts. Impostor syndrome, and all. You get my drift.

I'm so thankful for finding some time today, a little respite if you will, and I found myself easily logging into my blog, like it's the most natural thing in the world to do right now. I'm also glad this safe space resembles that of a low-maintenance friend, who I don't always have to meet or talk to, but when we finally do get together, it's so painless and effortless to just pick up where we left off, and happily realize that nothing has changed between us. I love friends who are like that. Don't you?

Anyway, enough with the lengthy intro. I guess I'll just dive right into what transpired during my birth month and do this in reverse. August.

My Birthday

I spent my birthday with my family and my dearest loved ones, of course. Because the pandemic still very much exists, I haven't been really able to have a proper celebration with my friends yet. Somehow, the get-togethers keep getting postponed, but with the cases on the rise again, it's still better to be safe than sorry. If you look at the photos, you can see I'm holding a truffle chocolate ice cream cake which I got from my uncle Danny Buenafe. It's delectable and flavorsome—two appropriate adjectives in describing the bulk of my adulthood these past few months. Sharing this anecdote from my birthday post last August 18th:

God makes all things new. 🙌🏼 I know this to be true because despite getting a year older, my heart feels young, fresh, and full. God has taken the aspects of my life where I’ve been crushed and broken—and created something new and beautiful out of them. ✨ I’m just happy and grateful I am where I am at this stage in my life. And although I’m still very much a work in progress, I think I’ve finally reached the point where I completely and genuinely love myself not only for everything I am, but also for everything I’m not. Sabi nga sa Gone Girl, the rest is just background noise. (Sheesh, what a reference.) Here’s to 26! Plus 10. 👵🏽 Nasa Bingo pa rin naman. Haha! Cheers! 🍷

Health and Wellness

Now, this one's a big and beautiful news. Because the annual physical exam (APE) is free and mandatory for any Accenture employee during their birth month, I grabbed the opportunity right away. The results were the complete opposite of the results I got back in 2020 right before the pandemic began. Everything's spectacularly normal; it's surreal! I never knew it was possible to reverse them.

After having been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries for almost a decade, I'm more than ecstatic to report I have normal ovaries now. My blood sugar results came back normal too! Months ago, I stopped taking hormonal pills, and now I no longer have to take Metformin, which was prescribed to me since 2014 to control my pre-diabetes. Suffice it to say, I passed my medical exams—maybe not with flying colors—but hey, nobody's allowed to rain on my parade. Not even me.

Honestly, I have never wanted to pass a test more since the UPCAT, so I just want to take this moment and share my joy with the world. The road has not been easy to get to where I am today.

And can I just say: ang bait ni Lord sa’kin. Binalato Niya na ‘to kahit na kumakain pa rin akong doughnuts at lumalaklak ng milktea. Our God is truly a God who heals and who answers the most fervent of our prayers. I may not deserve it, but I am embracing it nonetheless. Most people think we don’t deserve good things, but we do. So okay, fine, I’m taking it back. I am so done invalidating myself and my accomplishments. I deserve this. I worked hard for this. I’ve been through hell and back for this. And now, I’m reaping the fruits of my labor and His promises.

Thankful evermore, I am. La vita è dolce! 🍭

Stuck In A Plateau, But That's Okay

These days, I seldom find time to exercise. Heck, sometimes I go on two to three weeks without any movement. It really depends on the workload I have or commitments I need to address immediately. I also blame myself; there are moments that my laziness gets the best of me and I just willingly let it. No reservation and no regret.

The even worse part is, I eat a lot too. Hahaha! It's so gratifying and so satisfying to eat all the good food I know I deserve and work hard for. So add no movement + eating excessively, and you have weight plateau as your sum. That's what I'm in right now. To be honest, it makes me sad and disappointed about myself.

See, when I fall into that blackhole of not moving and non-stop eating, it's insanely difficult to find that momentum or that precious piece of self-discipline to start moving again. When you used to be morbidly obese like I was, getting back on track is twice as hard. The perpetual fear and pressure of not gaining weight are your worst enemies. When those two combine, you just want to curl up in bed like a frightened infant, and all the negative self-talk would subsequently come like an avalanche. With mental anguish present, it's highly likely that you would end up not moving at all.

I try my best to fight it back. Getting stuck on weight plateau could be depressing, but I've been reading about it lately, and I think I can get out of this rut sooner or later. Hey, to be fair, I've been through way worse.

I'm a work in progress like I always say, and I'm the only one standing between me and my ideal weight. I'll get there. Somehow, someday. For now, I need to cut myself some slack and also look back on how far I've come. Come to think of it, this weight plateau could even be a strong, solid source of motivation in itself.

Work, Work, Work

These snapshots from La Union have absolutely no relevance to what I’m about to share next. I just find them so serene—kind of like how one feels when everything’s finally falling into place. Or a rare moment when the things that matter the most seem to be going right. I say “rare” because life is full of peaks and valleys almost always all the time, but once in a while, an extraordinary moment in time showcases every little thing to be just where they should rightfully be.

Two months ago, I was nominated for S&PP’s Recognition Awards for the One Accenture category. It’s the biggest surprise of my 2022 so far. Totally did not see that coming! I didn’t win—someone from Europe or some other continent did—but it felt so amazing to be somehow recognized for the efforts I put in, the efforts which I seldom really think of as enough or even substantial. Someone actually saw and appreciated them enough to nominate me for something like that.

I hate surprises; I do. But once in a while, I embrace and thank the pleasant ones that stride my way, especially when I doubt I deserve them to begin with. Some quote on the internet said, “You deserve it all: the career, the love, the friends, the peace. Stop trying to convince yourself that you don’t.”

And also:

So there you have it. Yep, life's been good lately. Hope yours has been too. <3

#birthday #celebration #milestones #health #wellness #work #lifelately #weightplateau #life

[kyber-crystal]

.

#i've been feeling so worthless nowadays #like my only mission rn is to please my dad #if he's not happy then i can't be happy #i have to go to a top school in order to do that #and i feel like what i have rn isn't enough #literally nothing i do will ever be enough for him #he'll say he's proud of me then turn around and shit on me for everything i'm missing #and then he'll say that this was him looking out for me #there's only a few weeks before the ap tests and i'm nowhere near ready #i'd much rather die than take any of them tbh. i'm beyond terrified #and nottt to mention i've been drifting away from all my friends #i've never felt more alone before in my life :) #i mean at least i have ao3 and wattpad. and tumblr fics #so i'm not COMPLETELY alone #my dad's temper has been getting worse. this year alone he's physically abused my brother twice #but that was in january #but who knows what will happen next #my mom explained to me what he's done over the past few years and i feel sick #idk what to do #anyway that's enough trauma dumping for today. i'll see myself out #rant #sua.txt

[jaybird-fanfics]

Thing Of The Past |Epilogue|

⚠️Warnings: This story contains adult/sexual themes, graphic violence, and harsh language, please read with caution. Some of the plot from bnha/mha had been altered to better fit this story line.

Uncut Version Here

Previous | (Complete)

🔞Minors DNI🔞

Third P.O.V.

"It's not as pretty at night as it is during the day...huh?" Y/n murmurs as she gazes upon the the cherry blossom tree. The very same tree where she and Touya would meet under, to be in each other's comfort, and the very same tree where the two fell in love. Years later, she found herself under the same tree with the same man she gave her heart to. Though the same man, many changes had taken place, physically and mentally...

But it was still him...in her eyes, he was still him...

"Not to mention it's almost winter." Said Dabi. "It's gonna die soon and look just like all the other trees." Y/n took a few steps forwards, turning around, before sitting down. She sighed while closing her eyes, resting her back against the tree's bark. "But I'll still know it's our tree." She said with a small smile. She opened her eyes, looking up at Dabi. "Care to join me?"

Dabi strides over before sitting next to her, resting his arm on his elevated knee, and his other hand planted on the ground right next to Y/n's.

A gust of wind blew through the tree, knocking loose the petals which fell upon both Y/n and Dabi's heads. While Y/n didn't seem to mind, Dabi found it annoying. He scowled as he picked the petals from his hair, he flicked them away before glancing at Y/n. His lips parted slightly, his eyes never moving from her. The moonlight perfectly illuminated her form, the light breeze from the wind moved her hair gracefully. Her soft features completely contradicted Dabi's own more harden features.

"Touya?"

"Uh, Yeah?" Dabi blinked. Y/n turned to meet his gaze. "This might be selfish of me, after everything that's happened lately but...I need you to make another promise." Really, Dabi didn't need to make a promise, much less keep it. He wasn't obligated to do so, but he couldn't say no to her. Anyone else, he would have ignored it or say he'd keep his promise, only to neglect it later down the line.

"Sure."

Y/n hugged her knees to her chest. She sighed before she spoke. "I want to promise me...no matter what happens, to me, or later in the future, promise me...You'll take care of yourself." Dabi gave her a confused glance. "Take care of myself?" She nods. "Yes. I hate it whenever you're in pain. No matter the kind."

"And, what does that have to do with you?" He asked. Y/n looks up at him. "I have a feeling you'll do something dumb if I were to be hurt or... you know, killed." Dabi couldn't deny that, that he would go ape shit if any harm came to Y/n. And God forbid if she were to be killed...

"Yeah. If you die...I don't know what I might do..."

"Don't do anything." Y/n said sternly.

"Y/n, you know I-" "Touya. I mean it." Y/n grips onto his hand. "If it ever came down to that...Don't follow after me...please." Dabi looked ahead, away from Y/n's gaze. This was more than just a difficult ask, Y/n was pretty much asking for the impossible from him. It was bad enough he separated himself from her for years, but to be all alone if she leaves him...really leaves him...

It would destroy him completely...

"Then what do you expect me to do? Be ok with never seeing you again? Just...be ok with you never coming back?"

"Yes."

Before he could argue, she continued. "I want you to find happiness. In anyway, anywhere, somehow. Even if I'm not there to see you achieve it, I want you to be happy Touya, I always have."

"But I am happy."

Now he wasn't looking at her out of pure embarrassment. 'I can't believe I just flat out said it like that...' He sighed. "I mean...you make me happy so, that should be enough. Why the fuck are we even talking about death right now? Like hell I'm gonna let that happen to you." He quickly added. Y/n slightly opened lips turned up into a smile, then she giggled, then it turned into a laugh. Dabi clicked his tongue. "I'm leaving."

"No no! Wait!" Y/n chuckled, grabbing onto his arm, her laugh calming down. "It's just, I've never heard you be so honest like that before. You were always so...secretive. Even before you changed." Dabi's lidded eyes landed on her again. "Yeah? Still got a few secrets in me." Y/n raised her eyebrow. "Oh do you? Mind sharing?" Dabi huffed out a brief laugh. "Yeah right. I ain't telling you."

"Hey! What happened to being honest with me from now on?" Dabi ruffles her hair. "Chill. I was only joking." Y/n rolled her eyes, moving his hand off her head. "You better be."

"Or what?" Dabi challenged. "Gonna heal me to death with that new quirk of yours?" Y/n stared at him for a moment. "Yeah...I would." She said softly. Her quirk had time to rest during the time of Hakai's defeat. She could use it again, but, she never did up until now cause she never really needed to use it for anything. Sure, it would be nice to help others but. She wasn't experienced enough for something like that, and hero work was defiantly out of the question. For obvious reasons.

If she had to use her quirk to help anyone, she would choose to help Dabi.

"Anytime you're in pain...even if just a little, come to me. And I'll do my best to help you in any way." Dabi couldn't help but smile. "That reminds me of something you said back in the day."

"Hm?" Y/n tilts her head. "What did I say?"

'I want to help you Touya, in any way I can. If you're in pain, please let me know. I'll try my best to ease it, even if a little...'

"You sure you don't want to be a hero?" Dabi asks. Y/n quickly shook her head. "No. I couldn't do they things they did. I prefer to keep away from near death experiences." Dabi raised an eyebrow. "When it can be helped." Y/n sternly added. Dabi chuckles as he leans back against the tree. "The same goes for you by the way."

"Huh?" Y/n blinks. "If something happens, don't get hung up on me like you did before. I don't want you miserable over someone like me. Though I hate the thought of it, birdbrain has my ok to take care of you and make sure you'll be happy." Y/n pouts slightly. "Touya."

"I mean it Y/n. You deserve to be happy, and if your happiness comes from me, then you'll need to find someone new. I don't want you to feel like you did before." Y/n sighs and scoots closer to him. "You're right. You do make me happy Touya, and yes, it would crush my heart if you were to leave me again." She nuzzles into his shoulder. "It seems like we've both become too dependent on each other. But if it makes you feel better, I'll try to move on if you were to leave me. But you better not!" She looks up at him.

Dabi smirked. "Yeah, I won't be leaving you anytime Y/n." Her frown turned up into a smile. "Good. Cause you're stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

"Oh god..." Dabi muttered.

"Hey!"

"Just Joking! Besides, if I didn't want you around...I wouldn't have saved you back when we were kids." Y/n's face lit up. "You remember that?"

"Yep. Still think of me as your knight in shinning armor, princess?" Dabi grinned smugly. "Well, you did save me from a crazed power hungry maniac, so yes. I do, my brave knight." Y/n kissed his cheek.

Who would have thought it would end up like this? Once a young boy, aspiring to be a hero like his own father, giving his heart up for a girl he loved more than anything, then falling further away from that false reality and deeper into something dark and twisted. Only to resurface, as something truly evil.

He lost her, then had her in his grasps once again, only to loose her due to his own arrogance and negligence. He thought he was protecting her, from whatever he was involved in, and from himself. But as a result, he hurt her worse than he could have ever imagined. It was like he was destined to be alone forever, in his own darkness.

He knew it would be like this, he made his choice to become what he is now. To become one of the most hated person in the country. To slowly be killed by his own quirk. To loose everything he once thought was precious...

Everything...except her.

"I still want to do what we promised back then." She adds. "And what's that?"

"Really? You remember us playing pretend when we were kids but not that?" When Dabi shrugged Y/n rolled her eyes. "I want to run away with you, find somewhere we can finally be free from this hero and villain crap. I want it to just be me and you, without worrying about what will go horribly wrong in the future." Dabi looked up at the moon with half lidded eyes. "Yeah? Maybe one day...we'll get that happy future..."

"But I'm way too deep in this to turn back now. It's selfish, I know...but there will be no change, not until those so called heroes finally realize their sins. They need to be shown the truth, even if we have to do it by force...."

His darkness would only continue to spread and flow through himself and everything and everyone around him until he's finally reached his goal. But not when it comes her. She would be what keeps him going, she would be the one thing his numbed mind and body would feel anything for.

He though he'd never be able to feel anything, never love anything, never have any compassion for anyone, never have any mercy to give...never feel the warmth of his own soul again, instead of this suffocated heat. However...

"Touya..." Y/n places her hand on his cheek, making him look at her. "I know how important this is to you...so I won't stop you but, promise you won't loose yourself. Don't forget who you are, not again..."

That was all a thing of the past.

"I love you way too much to loose you again." Dabi closes his eyes, taking in the warmth of her palm. "I know." He said softly. "But I have cause, a reason to make sure that doesn't happen."

Now, was what was important. Now, he could feel, he could love, all thanks to her...he owed her his life, his everything. He would be sure to never let her go again, he would show her the love and compassion she had always deserved from the very beginning.

The past meant nothing to him, at least his own. For once, he looked forward to his future. It looked bright, it would be, and it all starts with her.

"I have you." Dabi places his hand on the one on his cheek. "I know you'll be able to knock some sense back into me again. " He opens his eyes. "Because that's just who you are. Whenever you think I'm falling deeper down into myself, bring me back...be my hero Y/n."

Y/n moves her other hand to his head, slowly moving it to her chest, hugging him close. Her heartbeat was like a gentle lullaby to his ears. The same heartbeat he would hear whenever he lied with her. The same heartbeat that would slightly quicken whenever he would whisper her name. The same heartbeat he held onto so dearly for his own sake. It was more valuable to him than any amount of money, praise, or recognition would ever get him.

"Of course I will. I said I'd still love you even at your worst, didn't I?"

Dabi once again found himself closing his eyes, relaxing his mind and body within her embrace. This was what was needed, what he always needed, to finally feel human again. She, made him feel again. She made him whole again.

His warmth would slowly return, to replace the suffocating heat that once stomped out any light left in his soul. As long as he had her, he would be able to find peace within himself, as he faces his ever rapidly approaching unknown future...

"I love you Touya."

"I love you too, Y/n."

~THE END~

#dabi x reader #bnha dabi #mha dabi #touya todoroki x reader #touya x reader #todoroki touya #mha x reader #bnha x reader #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #my hero academia spoilers #boku no hero academia spoilers

[wincestisasincest]

Extremely important question.

If Penny was an animal, what animal would she be..

oh anon, darling, you've opened pandora's box.

so! if penny were an animal she would be a....

*drumroll*

SALTWATER CROCODILE

amphibious: okay so this one is the obvious. crocodiles are excellent swimmers and can thrive on land and in water, though they prefer water. fun fact! crocodiles can hold their breath for more than hour it's how they stalk their prey. penny is a pirate, so naturally she's good on land and sea, and is a good swimmer.

tough bastards: crocodiles are one of the most resilient species out there. they've been around since the fucking dinosaurs okay. a crocodile can survive for years at a time without food (penny is no stranger to not having enough to eat), can inhabit almost any environment, and they live stupidly long for reptiles, up to 85 years. ALSO the infant mortality rate for crocodiles in 99%, so you know the ones that still live into adulthood are badass motherfuckers. yeah. penny is also a very tough bastard and survives many Things.

solitary, even when with others: crocodiles spend a lot of their time alone, and they like it that way. makes it easiest. sometimes crocodiles will form large groups to hunt, but, even if they are physically together, they do not form social bonds or group dynamics. fun fact! a group of crocodiles is called a bask. penny is also alone by choice.

pragmatic enemy: even though crocodiles can take a beating, they're not necessarily aggressive animals, and they kill their prey by trapping them in their jaws and drowning them rather than just biting them until they die. penny is also quite pragmatic. queen can put up a fight if she needs to, but it's about working smarter and not harder. both crocodiles and penny know that you'll die where they can live, and they use that to their advantage.

smart cookies: penny is not just smart, she is resourceful. so are crocodiles. they are considered pretty smart for reptiles, bordering on the smartest reptile. they display a lot of the same traits as apes, including advanced parenting, group tactics in hunting, and the use of tools for getting food. they have been observed using small sticks to lure in birds looking for nesting material and then FUCKING EATING THEM. girlboss.

travelers: they can and do cross entire oceans. penny also literally does that, and never really settles down anywhere.

there is one more reason but it would kind of spoil something for chapter 12? maybe? i'll tell u guys after if you're still interested

OH! and here are the other guys as animals but i'm not explaining these nor am i taking any criticism.

viktor: crow

jayce (i know dog is the default but hear me out): elephant

caitlyn: emperor penguin

mel: octopus

#its important to me that you all understand this #i also really like talking about animals #hurts me that none of these people are bats #because bats are my favorite animal #but as the prophet of our time imagine drgaons said #oh the misery #waves on the shore #the confessional #was gonna go in the queue but i put too much effort into this and i don't wanna wait #wince says a lot of words

[welovetwilight]

Cougar Town Pt.1 (Jasper Hale x Black!Oc)

Summary: There is a new teacher at Forks High School (Eleanor Brown). She just so happens to catch a certain immortals eye. But there are three things that stop them from being together. One, She was his teacher. Two, she was married, and three she just turned 40. (This is pre-Eclipse)

AN: I read a fanfiction where Bella and Alice were cougars and Edward and Jasper were still 17 and 19. It was so different but I really enjoyed it. So this is me experimenting. Enjoy?

This is Eleanor's outfit for the chapter.

Word Count: 1,218

The Cullen's were lounging about in their elegant home. Emmett and Jasper were playing a video game, Edward was messing around on his piano. Giving that, Bella was grounded, it was all he could do. Esme and Carlisle were watching him in amusement. Alice and Rosalie were reading fashion magazines. It was like any other day for them.

Suddenly Alice froze. They all knew what that meant. Quickly, they crowded around the tiny vampire. Everyone looked between her and Edward. He was confused about what he had just seen. An older- yet beautiful woman was holding hands with his older brother, Jasper. "This is wrong Mr.Hale, you should go," The woman looked down in guilt. Then, the vision ends. Alice and Edward share a look of confusion. Rosalie decided to speak up. "Well? What did you see?" She spat in a hurry. Alice shook her head. "I-I think Jasper's mate is moving to Forks," Esme gasps in excitement. "Oh, that's amazing. Right Alice?" She asks as she notices the confused look still on her daughter's face. "I-I think she's the new AP English teacher that everyone was talking about," This makes everyone's eyes widen. "She looked like she was in her late thirties and she..." He looks at his sister wondering if he should share the next part. 'You have to, Edward. We have to prepare for the worse,' The pixie comments in her mind. Edward nods. "Jasper, She's Black,"

Eleanor was ready to settle down. Her 40th birthday just past and she was looking forward to the next chapter of her life. Eleanor and her husband decided it was a good idea to move. A new change of scenery would be nice. She was offered a job as a new teacher in a small town located in Washington. And that's where they were headed. Forks, Washington.

As they drove through the small town, people started at their car in curiosity. She knew they meant no harm. It wasn't every day small towns like these got new residents. "Are you excited about your new job?" Her husband Jimmy asked. She and Jimmy have been together for 16 years. She was still in love with him just like she was at 24 years old. "Oh, I can't wait. I feel like it will be easier teaching here than back in Pittsburgh. Fewer students," She couldn't wait to start work tomorrow.

Eleanor got out of the car in a hurry. She was so happy to start decorating their small home. Walking inside she squealed. Everything was just like the pictures. She couldn't wait to leave her mark on this town.

It was the next day. Eleanor had to wake up earlier than usual due to her having to meet with the principal. She quickly got dressed (Outfit up above) and went downstairs to make some coffee. As she was about to leave, Jimmy walks down the stairs. "You thought you were gonna leave without giving your poor old husband a kiss?" She laughed at his remark and walked over to kiss him. They said their goodbyes and she started her journey towards the school.

The parking lot was empty due to it being early. Eleanor parked the car and made her way to the building labeled "Front Office". When she walked inside, she saw a red-headed woman sitting behind a desk. She walked up to her and greeted herself. "Good morning, I'm Eleanor Brown. I'm the new AP English teacher," The lady looked up at her with a smile. "Oh look how beautiful you are, I'm name is Shelly Cope. Nice to meet you, dear," They talked for a few minutes until the principal called her into his office.

The bell rung, letting her know that first period was starting. She walked into her classroom to see everyone already seated. Most of the boys were in awe of her beauty. She sat her bag down and wrote her name on the chalkboard. "Good morning class. My name is Mrs. Brown, and I'll be your AP English teacher for the rest of the year. I thought for the first ten minutes of class, you might want to get to know me, so ask away," She smiled at the teenagers. "How old are you?" A boy with blonde hair asked. "I just recently turned 40," Some of the boys whistled. She rolled her eyes at their childish behavior. "Are you married," A tan-skinned girl with glasses asked? "Yes for 16 years actually," The girl looks at her with a smile. "That's amazing. What's your secret?" Eleanor smiled at the girl's innocence. "Communication is key. That's one of the reasons most marriages don't work out," They continued on with questions for a few more minutes until she decided it was time for attendance.

She went down the row of names as usual until she got to his. "Jasper Hale?" She looked up from her clipboard to see a pale hand rise. That's when she saw his face. He had chalky pale skin with honey blond hair that stopped at his chin and liquid gold eyes that you could get lost in what seemed like forever. Eleanor cleared her throat. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. He was truly beautiful. What was she saying? 'This is one of your students, Eleanor, get a grip,' She said to herself in her mind. She forced herself to look anywhere else but at him. '"Right, let's begin the lesson," She says, clearing her throat.

Lunch finally came. Eleanor knew she wouldn't be able to keep anything down. She was so disgusted herself. She couldn't believe that she lusted over a student of hers. It was so unprofessional. She was pulled out of thought when she heard a knock at her door. Looking over, she saw Jasper Hale standing at the entrance. "Oh-uh-Mr. Hale... how may I help you?" She was so dazzled by his beauty. She started to feel guilt about how she was acting. In her 15 years of teaching, she has never acted this way towards a student. "Sorry to bother you ma'am, but I just had a quick question about the homework," Eleanor's heart almost stopped when she heard his voice. He had a smooth southern accent that could make any woman go weak in the knees. "Oh! yes yes, please come in," She realized how tall he was as he came closer to her desk. He was at least 6'3, maybe taller. "So, what was your question?" A gasp left her mouth when she felt his ice-cold skin as she took the paper from his hands. "Uh sorry, I have anemia," She just nods her head. "I just wanted to know if you wanted us to make a t-chart or just write down the differences and similarities in a paragraph," Jasper knew what to do but he needed an excuse to see her again. She was truly breathtaking. He didn't care how old she was physically, all he wanted was to be with her. "Oh- uh...either way, is fine," He smiled at her. "I guess I'll see you, next class ma'am," The immortal says with his strong accent. Eleanor could only nod. When he finally left, she let out a breath that she didn't even know she was holding. "This is going to be a problem," She replies rubbing her face.

#twilight fanfiction #jasper hale x oc #jasper hale fanfic #twilight saga #the cullens #edward cullen #black oc #poc ocs #twilght #jasper whitlock #rosalie hale #emmett cullen #twilight x reader #twilight x you #twilight x y/n #wolf pack #jacob black #olympic coven #fanfic

[calif0rnia-lovers]

safe haven.

A/N: Don’t mind me, just giving J a normal high school romance--one where his family is not involved. Set in S1 of Animal Kingdom. First time writing for this guy, so let me know what you think 

Pairing: Josh Cody x Black!OC

Rating: 💙 A soft piece with the youngest Cody, and the girl he tries to keep secret from his new found family. 

Request: Convincing J to study bc he's too caught up in the family business to worry about midterms

Words: 3.3k

Josh tightens his grip, crushing the letter in his hand. Left inside the unaddressed envelope, the letter remains unread. There is no point in reading it. J got the gist of the letter from the conversation with the counselor. He discards the crumpled mess in a nearby trash can.

The end of the school week produces a flood of excited teenagers emptying into the parking lot.

J's mind is on the previously discarded letter.

It was a letter of truancy, addressed to his grandmother, his current guardian. It has been months since the passing of J's mother. The school's patience has spread thin. His grades have not dropped, but his attendance has.

His mind is on the letter when he fishes his keys out of his front pocket. His pace slows before he comes to a complete stop a few feet short of his truck. The truck is where he left it, but there's a new addition.

It now has a powder blue backpack on the hood. Seated beside the backpack is the prettiest girl in school.

Cori Edwards has a familiar pair of black shades concealing her dark brown eyes -- now J remembers where he left them. She has abandoned the denim jacket he caught a glimpse of her in earlier. A knowing smile spreads across her face as she watches his eyes linger on the sundress she wears. As his eyes return to hers, J can't deny the smile on his lips.

The last time he saw Cori, for longer than the brief seconds they pass in the halls, was a month ago. This year, it appeared fate wanted to test the two. They had the same classes, the same teachers, but never at the same time. A few months ago, this meant they spent all of their free time stealing kisses at lunch and in the halls. They would then make up for lost time as soon as the school bell rang.

But things have changed too much. 

J's mother didn't keep track of his movements. His grandmother and uncles, J came to learn, analyze his actions. Keeping secrets has become second nature to him since moving into the Cody House. The one secret he swore he'd never reveal was Cori. He hasn't introduced her to Smurf or his uncles. He hasn't shared much about how his life has changed, upon his moving into their house, with Cori.

After so many vague responses, Cori understood it was better not to ask questions. She didn't want to spend her limited time arguing with J. Only, in the last month their limited face time has dwindled. Fizzed out to nothing.

A few texts here. A few long spread out phone calls there.

It was after one of those texts that their last reunion had taken place.

J might have been slightly drunk -- sober enough to drive, and park his truck a block from Cori's parent’s house. He had climbed through her bedroom window. The act itself was not graceful. His tumble through the window at three am woke her dad. Her dad came in to find Cori “still sleeping,” the toppled over AP Calculus and Physics books on the floor enough incentive for him to return to bed.

Once the coast was clear, J managed to strip before climbing into bed alongside her. All she received was a quick kiss before his arm was around her. He was out before his head hit the pillow. He left Cori with no time to inquire about his reasoning behind showing up drunk. Or about the black eye and busted lip. He had to sneak out in the morning before her parents got up.

Rumor has it J’s been showing up to school, even if Cori's rarely seen him there. He shows up for three days, almost like clockwork. Technically, it is enough to stop the school from legally reporting him for truancy. Until the counselor concluded it was time J stopped playing that game--which brings us to J's current situation.

He's standing in the parking lot, keys in hand, staring at his girlfriend -- at least he thinks she's still his girlfriend. Is it weird if he leads with that question?

As he stands before her, the only thought in his mind is how much he's missed her smile.

Jingling the keys in his hand, J regards the innocent smile on Cori's lips before shaking his head.

“You got a tracker on me, I don’t know about, Edwards?”

“Nope. It’s just a Cody sighting is kind of a big deal in these halls,” Cori sighs lightly as her eyes pass over the crowded parking lot. “Word gets around pretty fast when you actually show up.”

Cori’s words don't receive a verbal response. Her eyes are covered, but J knows what look lies inside them. The look causes his eyes to avoid hers. His hand rubs against the back of his neck, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

"Haven’t seen you around lately, Josh." She continues, the warmth of her fingers against his chin lifting J's gaze. Cori raises her sunglasses, her eyes passing over his face. "Nice to know your black eyes is gone."

"Yeah--sorry about that night." The smile on his lips is sheepish as he watches her study his face. He mentally kicks himself for the following line--he knows it's getting old. He says it anyway. "I had some family stuff-"

"That left you drunk with a black eye and busted lip?"

J takes in her raised brow, his shoulders sink.

What can he say?

I got my ass kicked after I was caught in the act of stealing some guy's car. Granted, my uncle saved my ass, but not before I got a black eye and busted lip?

No. He can't say that.

If he does, then he would have to explain why he was stealing a car in the first place. And that is a rabbit hole J isn't willing to jump down--not with her.

The passing of her fingers through his hair causes J to speak up.

"Sorry. I know you're tired of bullshit excuses." He shakes his head.

"I'm used to it," Cori sighs, her hands falling to her lap.

Before he can stop himself, J's hands are on her thighs pulling her closer. His lips are on hers.

"I'm sorry. You look nice," he smiles as his lips press a second kiss against hers.

"Hmm?"

"I’m serious," he chuckles as his hand finds her waist.

"Trust me, I know it’s true," she laughs. "I’m just trying to figure out why it’s taken you so long to say it."

"I’ve been busy," he begins. "With-"

"Family stuff," Cori nods, her hand waving to dismiss the subject. "I know, but that's not what I tracked you down for. I have so graciously blessed you with my presence because you owe me two things."

"What are they?" J's brow arches, a soft smile on his lips.

Cori drops her hand for his cheek. J's eyes remain on her as she leans back, weight resting against her palms.

"I need a ride home," she lightly pats the hood of the car. "And I need a study buddy."

J lets off a light scoff at the latter.

If there is one undisputed fact, it is Cori's academic ranking. She is top of their class. Between the two, J needs a study buddy to catch up to her perfect GPA.

"Okay. When?"

"Tonight, genius," her eyes roll as she pushes against his shoulder. "Josh, please don’t tell me you forgot we have midterms Monday."

J's eyes briefly drift shut.

"Shit--I have a family thing tonight."

"When?” Cori smiles as his eyes pass over the parking lot. The corners of J's lips turn up into a smile before his gaze returns to hers. “I’m just saying...it’s technically not nighttime yet…and being as you haven't seen me in ten thousand years...the least you can do is study with me...”

"What’s it gonna take for me to get out of this?"

Cori pauses to think.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Shaking her head, Cori smiles as her hands find his shoulders. "There is absolutely nothing that you can give me for me to drop this."

"Damn."

"Unless,” Cori bites back her smile as her playful eyes meet his. “You want to tell me how much you missed me.”

“If that’s it,” J sighs, his lips stopping short of hers, “You might want to go ahead and find another ride home--”

“Shut up,” she giggles as his hands find her waist.

Helping her down, J steals a kiss before following Cori to the passenger side of his truck.

"I'm just giving you a ride home."

"Uh-huh." Turning to face him, she smiles as his lips press against hers.

She allows him a second kiss as J's arm wraps around her waist.

“To sweeten the deal,” she beams. “I’ll even let you take me out.”

"What is it?"

Cori's eyes remain on the surfers visible from the parking lot. She watches the girl who manages to ride the swell longer than the rest of the group. When she glances across the truck, she discovers J watching her. 

"What do you mean?" 

A low chuckle escapes J as he watches Cori busy herself with the task of finishing her milkshake. 

"What's on your mind?"

Despite her asking him to stop and grab something to eat, Cori hasn't said much to J. Even if she had, he knew her well enough to grasp Cori was waiting to ask him something. Her brown eyes raise to meet his gaze before she lets out a breath. 

"It's kinda stupid."

"Coming from you?" His brow arches as his fingers interlace with hers. "I doubt it."

Cori's gaze remains on their interlaced fingers as she speaks.

"It's just, the winter formal is coming up. I figured we could go together."

She glimpses up once her suggestion is met with silence. J's brow is a furrowed, a hesitant smile on his lips. 

His thoughts are racing--he's praying this is the initial time she's breached the subject. That he hadn't missed any hints in his haze the past weeks.

"Seriously? You never want to go to those things."

Cori's eyes roll. J's right. In the last two years, neither of them have attended the school’s dances. 

She bites her lip before opting to take another sip of her strawberry shake. 

"You really wanna go?" A light shrug is what J gets in response. "If you want to go, I'll go."

"It's just--we're going to be done with school soon. We have to go to at least one--"

"And prom?"

"That's not up for debate. Your ass is taking me to prom, Joshua Cody." Cori laughs as J's lips press against her fingers. 

J's smile fades as a ringtone interrupts the conversation. He releases Cori's hand before retrieving his cellphone from the truck's console. 

She silently observes as he reads the name on the screen. 

Baz. 

She remembers the name--he is one of J's uncles--but that's where her knowledge ends. The furrow of J's brow sets in as he declines the call.

“So...this family thing," she notes, as his eyes meet hers. Before she can get the rest of her thought out, a text comes through recapturing J's attention. "It must be pretty important.”  

J's shrug seems outlandish when held alongside the urgency of his uncle. In the time it took to eat, J's phone has got several notifications. Each time, he pauses long enough to silence the call and proceeds as if it never came. 

“It’s just a thing with my uncles.” His mood is light as he sets the phone back down. His easiness returns as he meets her eyes. "Smurf's pretty serious about everyone being home for it." 

He can notice the slight hesitance in her eyes before she offers him a smile in return.

Leaning across the car, J presses a kiss against her cheek. His lips drift to her neck. 

"I'll get the tickets Monday," he mumbles as his lips retrace their steps. "Promise."

J's truck is parked engine idling. His left-hand rests against the steering wheel, his eyes on her.

Cori has removed her seatbelt. Her body is turned in the seat so that she faces J. She toys with the hem of her dress instead of moving to get out.

"It was good to see you, J."

"Yeah," J agrees. Her eyes lift to meet his, the soft smile on his lips stretching into a grin. "You too."

J opens his mouth to continue the thought, but Cori has already turned away from him. He watches as she retrieves her backpack from the back seat.  

"Cori," J clears his throat. The action hinders Cori's opening of the door. Her hand hovers over the handle. "Maybe we can hang-"

"Nope.”

J blinks. His brow furrows as a silence falls over the car.

"If you want to see me again," Cori teases, her hand falling from the handle. "It will be in school."

"Why do I have a feeling you're not gonna let this go?" J's eyes roll softly as Cori leans across the car. "You’re serious?" 

"Because I'm not letting this go," she smiles sweetly, ignoring the chuckle the action pulls from J. "And, I'm 'lock my window' serious, Josh. Show up if you want, and I’ll leave you outside."

The smile on Cori's lips grows as J's gaze falls from hers. His tongue passes over his lips as she leans closer.

His eyes drift shut as her giggle fills the car before Cori presses a kiss against his cheek. She leaves a second kiss before moving away. Hopping out of the truck, Cori slips her backpack onto her shoulders.

"Think about what’s important to you, Cody," she beams before shutting the door.

J picks up his phone. The screen lights up as a new text message appears.

6 missed calls. Baz

7 missed texts. Baz

1 missed text. Craig

He opens the most recent notification from Craig.

Dude. Call Baz back so he'll stop losin his shit. You know we got that thing tonight

Cori is in the process of unlocking the door when she hears the sound of his car door slamming. Looking over her shoulder, she smiles as J crosses the driveway backpack over his shoulder.

"Two hours,” he concedes. J is powerless to the tug of her hand as Cori pulls him inside. “Then I have to go. Baz is blowing up my phone.”

"Then we better get started."

J's fingers comb through his hair, the brown eyes trained on him forcing him back to reality.

Judging by the look on Cori's face, this is not the first time she has spoken. Heat rushes to his face as J's gaze reverts to the stack of notecards in his hands.

"Uh--yeah," he clears his throat as he shifts in the computer chair. "That's right."

He steals a second glance at her, the smile on Cori's lips not helping with his current situation.

"Of course it is," she winks. Her gaze returns to the review sheet. She stops to make a note alongside the term The Baroque.

The two are currently in the midst of an AP European History review.

J isn't much help, but Cori doesn't need it. Each of her responses is correct. That's good for J. He's spent the last thirty minutes distracted.

It's a good thing Cori claimed the bed, laying on her stomach as she pulled out her notebook. J took the computer chair opposite of her. If Cori had let him join her on the bed, no studying would have taken place.

It doesn't matter that a month has passed. J hasn't been able to keep his eyes off Cori Edwards since her arrival freshman year.

A smile creeps across his face as J's eyes meet Cori's for a second time.

"You need a break, Cody?" The grin on her lips widens as Cori rests her chin in her hand. "You seem distracted."

"Just thinking about how you don't need these." J lifts the cards in his hands before discarding them on the nearby desk. "You never have."

"Hmm..." Cori's eyes return to the review sheet. She pauses to add more to the notes written neatly in the margins. "True, but you do."

Pushing herself up, she passes over the review sheet. Written neatly in the top right-hand corner is J's name.

"I made this for you Tuesday night."

J studies the sheet for a moment, his fingers massaging his temple as he takes in Cori's study guide.

Shit--she's right. He does need it. He missed the review session on Tuesday. The thing about AP Euro is that it's not as straight forward as Trig. J can ace his Trig midterm in his sleep. AP Euro is a whole separate story.

"Thanks, Cori," he sighs. The grateful look in his eyes as he watches her cross the room earns him a warm smile. "You didn't have to-"

"Oh, trust me, I know." Taking his hand in her, Cori lowers herself down onto his lap. "But, I know you have a lot going on. Besides, making the sheet helped me review for the test."

"I love you. You know that?"

"As you should." Taking his face in her hands, Cori smiles as J meets her gaze. She closes the remaining distance between their lips. "I love you too."

As her lips drift to his neck, fingers slipping beneath the hem of his t-shirt, J pushes her dress up her thighs.

"I thought we were studying," he chuckles, his lips returning to hers.

"We're taking a break," she giggles. "You’re useless when you’re distracted."

When he wakes, J knows he’s overstayed. He was meant to leave by four. It’s four thirty. 

The cellphone, humming on the surface of Cori’s desk, sounds through the bedroom. J doesn’t lift his head from the pillow. Instead, he watches her face scrunch in irritation as the sound gradually pulls Cori out of her sleep.

“You gotta go?” She breathes, her eyes remaining shut as she tries to fall back to sleep.

“I should,” he chuckles. His finger traces the curve of Cori's shoulder. “Your parents will probably be home soon.”

“You’re right.” A soft giggle follows as J's arm wraps around her waist, pulling her body across the bed. “You should probably go.”

Despite his words, J makes no move to leave the bed. He sinks his face into her neck. His weight presses her into the mattress as her arms wind around his neck. He stays there for almost ten minutes. His eyes closed, listening to the delicate pattern of her pulse. Neither says a word. Cori knows the time has come to let him go when J presses a soft kiss against her skin before forcing himself up.

“I have some family shit I gotta handle,” J huffs as his palms rub against his eyes. “So, um, I probably won’t be on my phone for most of the weekend.”

“Okay.”

J proceeds to redress, his body in no rush to leave, as his phone starts again.

He needs to go. Now.

J has prolonged his return to reality, and the Cody House, long enough. If he doesn’t call back shortly, Smurf might have a heart attack.

J tugs his t-shirt over his head. His eyes focus on the bedroom window. He’s shocked Smurf's car is not parked out front. It wouldn’t be the first time his grandmother has tracked him.

“I just meant--I might not be able to pick up if you call,” he crosses the room to meet Cori. The faint smile on his lips brings one to her. “You can text me.”

“Maybe,” Cori sighs as J's lips caress her cheek. “If I have time. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

She catches sight of his sparkling eyes before J’s lips are on hers. The kiss itself is soft, another step in his lingering goodbye. His lips linger against hers before pressing against hers a final time.

“Hey,” J pulls back, his fingers interlacing with hers. He gently squeezes her hand as she meets his gaze. “Thanks for today. I missed you.”

“You too.”

“I’ll text you later,” J smiles before retrieving his phone and backpack.

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#all of his relationships irritated me #let me know what you think? #j cody #j cody imagine #finn cole imagine #animal kingdom imagine #josh cody imagine #ryan destiny faceclaim #ryan destiny #black!oc

[pop-punklouis]

hey hope. this is probably oversharing and definitely overstepping, but i really just need to rant. this is gonna sound weird but i just started freshman year, so i'm probably one of your younger followers. but honestly i'm so stressed and anxious. i have friends and most of my teachers are good, but i'm honestly not used to the workload. everyone else seems so carefree, but honestly, i've always cared too much about grades and stuff like that. i sort of coasted through middle school, and now i'm really worried that i've reached my peak and nothing will ever come easy to me again. it all sort of hit me tonight and there's just this giant ball of dread in the pit of my stomach. i know school will get easier, but by the time i get used to it, i'll have to deal with college, and getting a job, and living on my own. really, i have no fucking clue what i'm doing, and i'm just quietly marinating in that feeling. so yea. hope you're having a good night.

oh no, hi babe!!

you’re most definitely not overstepping at all. you guys can always come to me and talk about whatever. never feel like you cant! and listen *cracks back* *takes a drag from a cigarette* as an elder 24 year old, i know high school very well. high school was….. not the best experience if i’m being perfectly honest lmao. yet, that wasn’t so much on school as it was those around me and the environment. i loved learning, actually, even though the workload was a bit heavier.

there’s always going to be these nerves when you start a new chunk of academia. middle school…. high school…. college… because it’s all so unknown and you don’t know exactly what to expect!! fun fact: i still get that way every time i start a new semester of schooling— i freak myself out about the syllabus and work load but almost always i adapt to it quite quickly and that anxiety dissolves. im saying that only to let you know that you’re not alone in feeling this dread and fear. many, many people do. but, this pressure doesn’t have to cripple you. it is different than middle school, you’re right, but i found that the way you study and prioritize that study, ultimately, defines how stressed the workload actually is on you. i had a great AP BIO teacher freshman year of high school that taught me everything i know about study strategies and organizing the time to get into coursework without feeling overwhelmed. he used to be a professor, so his way of teaching reflected that. so! i’m going to pass those tips onto you x

1) make sure to organize your workload based on class and what deadlines are due the soonest (i recommend getting a tiny planner just for course work) this allows you to see a physical embodiment of your schedule and what needs to be done without just scrambling in your brain. 2) have the recorder on your phone ready anytime your teacher is lecturing in class (this has been my absolute lifesaver), so you can go back and listen to it whenever you want and also write notes from that recording without the pressure of the clock. 3) any extended assignments such as readings or projects or essays etc. don’t have to be done all in one sitting. prioritize blocks of the reading or parts of the project/essay for certain days and only get that done on those specific days. this causes you to feel less overwhelmed about workload as you’re chipping away at it little by little instead of facing it head on. 4) if it’s written on the board or repeated twice— it’s important and will probably come up again later on a test or discussion etc. 5) read out loud as sometimes it’s better attained if you can hear the information that you’re reading. 6) flash cards!!! are your best friend!!! use them!! 7) color code certain sections of notes or information you’re studying as i’ve always found that color helps me retain what i’m studying when it comes to regurgitating it later. 8) if you find that you don’t understand parts of the coursework, find examples that relate to your experiences rather than the textbook. 9) always ask questions or even go to tutoring if you don’t feel comfortable enough with something that was taught in class— i never needed tutoring before high school and i had too much pride to go when i needed it so i flunked a few tests before i realized that my pride is dumb and it helped tremendously. and 10) most importantly, give yourself room to breath!

i know when we spiral down an anxiety rabbit hole, our mind just lays intrusive thought over intrusive thought until we’re lying in a puddle of defeat and thinking that our life is going nowhere lmao. but, you’re so young, bb. you’re just starting high school. these thoughts about college and jobs and living on your own do not have any right to cause you this much fear and existential dread right now. it’s still a ways away, and isn’t affecting you presently. i’ve learned that giving yourself grace and focusing on your present more than your past or future keeps you from having a meltdown. you can only control your present, and it’s vital that you take it one step at a time. you don’t have to try and climb all the stairs at once. face each struggle or worry as they come not as they materialize in your mind. life is all about these stepping stones that culminate into something larger, so don’t feel like you have to take on the world every day. sometimes, you can just take on a monday and let tuesday wait.

sorry for this being so long!! i hope this at least encouraged you a bit. you’re going to kill freshman year. i just know it ✨

#grey

[seonghwastudy]

Introduction!

So, I realised that I never realy introduced myself on here.

So, I decided to answer some basic FAQs so you guys could get to no me better! I'm not sure if you even care tho

So let's start!

What is your name?

For the sake of privacy, you can call me M! Or simply seonghwastudy, either works!

How old are you? What grade are you in?

I'm currently 16 and so I'm in 11th grade.

Where do you live?

I live in India!

What classes are you taking this year?

As I'm an Indian in 11th grade, I'm taking the science stream, PCM and bifocal: Physics, Chemistry, Maths, Computer Science. But apart from that, I'm actually preparing to apply to an American University for Fall 2020 and so I gave the SAT exam in May 2019, GED exams in October and November 2019, I'll be giving the SAT again in December 2019 and I'm preparing for AP exams to give in May 2020. I'm giving 4 AP exams: AP Human Geography, AP Calculus AB, AP Statistics and AP US History.

What is your dream university?

I'm hoping to get into Penn State University next year!

Favourite study methods?

I like to take notes in class. Then I read them and the Barron's prep book at home while underlining key points. For APUSH, I'll make notes because my class notes are super messy hahah! Plus I have tonnes of different resources for APUSH that I want to combine together.

For AP Calculus and Statistics, I'll read the content review in Barron's and solve the hundreds of practice problems and frqs.

For AP Hugs I'll read my notes and the Barron's book and solve practice questions.

I also love making quizlet sets wherever required and studying them using the learn mode.

Lastly, I'll just make tonnes of senseless mindmaps to review all the information during exam time. I'll just grab a piece of scratch paper and scribble out all the information in the form of mindmaps that won't ever make sense to me in the future!

I learn the best by writing a lot so I make sure to write our everything as much as possible!

Do you listen to music while studying. If yes, what do you listen to?

Yes, I do listen to music! I listen to music when I'm doing any form of numericals, when I'm writing out notes or when I'm just doing anything that doesn't require too much brain power! I love listening to my playlist!

Sometimes, songs with lyrics are too distracting so I'll just listen to

Both are Kpop, yeah hahah I'm just Kpop trash

Favourite musical artists?

As I said, KPOP TRASH. I only listen to Kpop songs heheh

BTS, VICTON, Pentagon, Stray Kids (ot9 forever TT), The Boyz (ot12 forever TT), Ateez (MY ULT), Up10tion, VAV, Oneus, Got7, Jus2, TXT, Astro, Onewe, Kard, The Rose (GO GIVE THEM LOVE), Bolbbalgan4, Woosung, DAWN plus I occasionally listen to X1, SuperM, NCT Dream, Day6, A.C.E., Sam Kim, Jimin Park and I also have a tonne of songs from many more artists in my playlist.

T R A S H

How do you de-stress?

I don't really have a specific method or routine for destressing. I'm terrible at keeping a journal so definitely not that one lol. I just find listening to music and watching nice YouTube videos to be a good de-stressing mechanism for me. Probably not the healthiest but it works hahah! Also, spending time with friends and family helps me feel calmer and more relaxed!

Favourite studytubers?

I'm currently obsessed with tbhstudying's study with me's hahah! I also love studyquil, studioushailey, studytee, studyign, Mariana's Study Corner, mia ong, revisign and some others.

Apart from these, there are a couple of College Vloggers whose college vlogs are literally all you need in life to survive!

There's Yoora Jung, PaigeY, Holly Gabriel, alicedoesphysics and some others.

I also watch quite a few Korean study vlogs cuz Koreans study so much 😫 and watching their vlogs makes me want to study for the next 20 hours lmao

There's 작심 이주, LAMOON라문, Ryoko료고, HYUN현, SENSE센스, SEOYUN서윤, 달씨Darcie, 게인gain_vlog, HANBINI STUDYLOG and some more. Many don't have english subs, but honestly that doesn't really make much difference cuz you get the point anyways.

Yeah that's about it 🙃

I guess that's it for today. If you have any more questions you want me to answer, feel free to leave them in the comments and I might make a part 2 of this!

Have a great day!

[iammorethanmyeds]

Life Update #2

(I'm not even sure if anyone reads these, and that's okay because I partly use this blog as like a diary in a way idk)

I've decided to divide this update into three sections to organize my thoughts and make this flow better.

Physically: The past few weeks my chronic pain hasn't been nearly as bad as usual. For about a year straight I had this chronic butt pain (I know that sounds weird; the pain was near my sitting bones so not exactly my butt). It was to the point where I couldn't sit, lay on my back, or lay on either side without being in excruciating pain. Like words can't describe how bad it was. I had an MRI done and it was normal, but my doctors could tell I wasn't exaggerating the pain, so they recommended physical therapy three days a week. However the closest one my insurance would approve is like an hour away and I simply couldn't make that trip three days a week. Luckily I've discovered some things I can do to prevent the pain (certain stretches, walking around after sitting, changing sleeping positions, etc).Now that this pain is pretty diminished I've been doing a LOT better. On the downside, my digestive system is completely throwing me for a loop and my dysautonmia has been pretty bad. My cardiologist increased the dosage of my beta blocker though and I'm noticing an improvement. As for the digestive system issues I'm figuring out what foods I can and can't eat and I'm doing better.

Mentally: My mental health has been a little up and down. Back in like late September early October I just couldn't bring myself to do anything. I have the tendency to shut down when I'm overwhelmed, so I think that's what was going on. I also found out I was deficient in B vitamins, which definitely could've played a role. Then I had a few really great days and accomplished a LOOOT of stuff that I had to get done. After that though I started to feel bad again. It's like some weird cycle I'm going through. I guess that's normal though- we all have good days and bad days. I think I do better when I give myself "tough love" and force myself to do something. Like I'll force myself to shower or go hang out with friends, and I feel a lot better and get more done. It's like I gotta force myself to break the cycle.

Personal Life (ie school): For those of you who don't know I'm currently a senior. My course load is pretty simple this semester (AP English lit, AP government, dual enrollment human biology, and physics because my school doesn't have ap or honors physics for some reason.) I'm glad my courseload isn't too bad because of college applications, scholarships, and SAT prep. I'm taking the SAT one more time in November because I wanted to improve my score. So far I've applied to like ten scholarships so that's good!! Honestly my main focus is my college applications. I'm applying to UCI, UCR, UCLA, UCSD, USC, Pepperdine, Yale, and Brown. Obviously the ivys are reaches but you never know!! USC is my dream though. I'm planning on majoring in biology (or something similar like human biology, biology with focus on medicine, etc depending on the college), and becoming pre-med. I know you probably think I'm wild to go into medicine with all my health problems, but it's my dream man!! And in the twelve years of schooling/residency a cure or something might come out and I'll be great! Or even if one doesn't come out I can still try. I'd rather try and fail then never try at all (hence my applying to Yale and Brown).

#ehlers danlos syndrome #ehlers danlos problems #ehlers danlos zebra #ehlersdanlos #edsawareness #eds #chronically ill #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronic illness #invisible illness #physical illness #gastroesophageal reflux disease #gerd #gastritis #dysautonomia #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #pots #disabled #disability #college #school #senior #spoonie #spoons

[quae-est]

I got a 98 on my English midterm and a 99 on my chem midterm I'm ready to kill god

#ready to go fail algebra tomorrow #I'm in AP English but I'm in regents chem BUT I WANTED TO BE IN AP BUT I GOT GYPPED BC OF MY MATH GRADE #math is so by far my worst subject lord #like I have an 87 rn but I had a 70 for like half the second quarter #and I literally didn't study at all for any midterms ACCEPT math #like a solid hour I studied! which is a lot! bc I never study! #and I'm still gonna do bad! #I always get like 70s on tests in math it's only bc of quizzes and homework my grade isn't the worst ever #personal #I'm like half impressed with my 99 in chem because again #to reiterate i did not study at all #I didn't even like pay attention to review #but then I remember I'm in regents and get salty #I'm taking AP physics next year tho #I'll make u proud bill bye #anyway that's the end of my latest tag rants

[sarcasticsidecomment]

So its been a really hard day, week, month, basically since midterms. The past two weeks have been the worst. Last week I had play practices until 8 PM most days except I skipped on Wednesday because of a jazz competition where we got back at about 11 or so. Then on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday we had our performances. There were two on Saturday and each performance was about two hours plus another two hours for before and after stuff. In my family we aren't supposed to do homework on Sundays (its a family/church day) so I have to wait until my parents go to bed or sneak stuff down to my room to do homework. This year I'm taking 12 classes two are APs, one was a semester class so now I have a study hall. Five are music so they all sort of fit into the same period and one is a before school church class ever morning at 6:10. Its a 20 minute drive and my family reads scriptures together before my brother and I leave. My dad is a lawyer and also has a bunch of religious responsibilities and is part of a volleyball league so he's almost never home. My mom deals with five kids, her own religious responsibilities and other stuff but she does way less than I do but always seems more stressed and I don't understand. As the parent she's supposed to be calm and understanding and ask about my day. Because of everything last week I was up almost all night Sunday-Saturday but I eventually went to bed in time to get about an hour of sleep. I also tutor two hours a week. I got four hours of sleep the next night and 11 the night after that. Because I'm used to an overall average of less than 6 hours of sleep a night (including weekends) and probably way less than that for just school nights, getting more than about 7 hours of sleep gives me huge headaches. Eleven really really hurt even after ibuprofen. Today at school I only had physics, AP Stats, Spanish, and music. but in the order 1 4 2 3. Our schedule is really weird. Most days we have seven classes and our rotation schedule has 7 days meaning that we never have the same class order more often then once every seven days. I was up until about 12h30 trying to finish a take home physics test that we had all gotten a week ago but I hadn't had time to start yet because I was working on getting caught up from everything I had missed the week before. I decided to take an hour nap because I literally couldn't keep my eyes open and I had only gotten about a forth of the test done. I'll explain more later, but this teacher gives really hard tests. I was crying (which despite all the crap and pressure I'm under I hadn't done since last summer) and I almost self-harmed again so I just decided to take the nap. My alarms didn't go off until 5h30 as usual so I didn't get any more work done. I got some done from the 45 min I have before school starts after I get to the building after my church class but before classes start but I was tutoring so I gave him some busy work a and worked on physics. This class was first starting at 8 so 3 min to the bell I went up. About 15 minutes into class, I learned that most people hadn't finished the test. His tests are usually really hard to show for sure that you have mastered the material which I hadn't because I had been distracted with lack of sleep and the musical. He decided to give the class until the end of the day to pass in the tests (which was very nice, but pretty typical of this teacher). He is really positive but not annoyingly so and not in a naive way either. Just being in the classroom really helped me to calm down and relax a bit, I almost started crying again from relief (my eyes still teared up a bit) but I managed not to. I didn't really get much done and really only figured out that I really didn't know what I was doing but he said that we could come in after school at least until 4 because he was leaving at 4h30. The bell rang and I had jazz. I only play one of the three jazz songs so I did my math during the time I wasn't playing. I ran a meeting for chorale council during lunch (I'm one of the presidents) them went to math, I'd brought in a pie for homework passes two days earlier and it had been in the freezer, it was the class favorite. At his point my phone was dead because it hadn't fully charged last night. I did my Spanish worksheet during math. And quickly wrote down a speech in Spanish about how I was the best candidate for student body president. I'm also really behind in math. Once I got to Spanish, I took my speech and turned it into notes instead. My speech went pretty well. And class was fine. I went to jazz after school and that went okay. Then I went up too Dudley's room. Two of my friends were already there getting help with the test but I think they were done and were just hanging out because Dudley is so amazing and calming. Ryley and Mackenzie (they're both guys by the way) came over and talked for a few minutes while I worked on the test. Apparently I looked really tired because they started telling Dudley about how I got about 4 hours of sleep a night and how I needed to get more sleep and about how much I do. Dudley said I looked exhausted. After they left we talked a bit on and off while I worked on my test. I didn't ask for it but he asked if I wanted an extension until Tuesday, which I accepted. I worked on the test for about an hour and a half until 4-ish. He looked over my test and said that for two of the four questions I had it almost perfect and I had the right idea with the other two. He told me that I looked exhausted, to get some sleep, and to take care of myself. I love my parents and siblings and I know in my head that they love me too but they don't notice when I get an hour of sleep or when I'm upset about an assignment or test, or when I haven't showered in two weeks (yes, I know, it happens sometimes, I forget because I don't have time) they don't ask about my day, or want to do things with me, give me hugs or tough me at all usually, or help me with stuff, or talk to me, or ask about my music, or really anything. Ever day when I leave its the exact same words- Have a good day. They're like roommates that ignore me most of the time. Dudley is just a teacher, but he writes notes on his student's tests when he hands them out praising their individual strengths. He knows who my friends are and what I'm having problems with. He asks how I'm doing and I try to answer honestly because I know he cares and wants to know. Yes he is just a teacher, but he keeps things appropriate and professional while still really helping his students. Family is supposed to help you but I feel like mine holds me back, degrades, ignores me, and neglects me. I don't blame them for overlooking me, it is just a fact. My friends act like siblings should, and I feel like Dudley acts somewhat like a father and Ewing acts somewhat like a grandmother. Then my biological family gets angry when I spend so much time at school. Well that is where I get things done, that is where I feel loved, that is where people pay attention to me, and care about me. Here I just feel like my rent is overdue. They aren't bad people, just distracted.