#trauma from abuse

[furiousgoldfish]

people will throw the 'forgive them for yourself, so you can have inner peace' phrase around like it's a cure for the goddamn ptsd

#its not its victim blaming still #victims don't have to do ANYTHING #there's no NEED TO FORGIVE TO BE AT PEACE #NO NEED TO FORGIVE TO BE A GOOD PERSON #trauma from abuse #ptsd #cptsd #inner peace comes with safety and protection not forgiveness #forgiveness does not bring peace #you can forgive once you already are at peace and not a second before #appropriating forgiveness #you do not need to forgive #you do not need it for healing #you do not need to forget #you are right to rage and to want justice

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

#npd #aspd #bpd #avpd #ocpd #hpd #spd #ppd #dpd #stpd #trauma #abuse mention #ableism #abuse survivor #i'm sorry this is so rambly i'm tired AAAAAA #i wish i was better at articulating my points bc i have so much to say on this😔 #i've felt this for awhile but felt to make this after seeing a particularly bad post that claimed everybody with npd and/or aspd is a- #-monster who can't feel emotions and only gets joy out of abusing others #if you think THAT'S bad i'm leaving out MANY details from the post that i don't want to get into #personality disorder #max speaks

[onefey]

So, You're The Bad Parent Of A Rival In A Mainline Pokémon Game...

#pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #scarvio spoilers #giovanni #ghetsis #lusamine #professor sada #professor turo #ai sada #ai turo #its the morning after i beat violet and i rushed to make this #fey makes a meme #edit: clarifying things ive said in rbs in the tags - #turo and sada were trying to fix things they just thought they needed to achieve their goals to do so #+ this post is tagged as ai sada and ai turo idk what u want from me #and i know absent parents count as abusive ones my point was more that its a different flavor of trauma #anyway havea nice day

[dailydiarynquotes]

#breakup recovery #breakup #heartbreak #sad love #soul ties #healthybreakup #moving on #daily diary #diary #heartache #narcissistic abuse #narcissistic trauma #narcissism #raised by narcissists #narcissisticgaslighting #Gaslighting #gaslight #healing #mental health #healing from trauma #self healing #healingjourney #if he wanted to he would

[thatswhatsushesaid]

psa that the day there are no jgy stans left on tumblr dot com is the day i am dead

but rest assured i'll go to my grave exactly as i lived: obnoxiously proclaiming to everyone within earshot how great lianfang-zun is. narratively, metaphorically, spiritually. sexually, too, like why limit myself. i like to keep my options open

#the spirit of su minshan possessed me for a minute there but like. i'm fine with it #jin guangyao #he did crimes??? good for him 😌 #editing this post to add that while the tone here is clearly joking #i really am fundamentally still engaged with this fandom #and with this book #almost exlcusively because of my enjoyment of jgy #even xiyao is secondary for me like i love it and i'm ride or die for it obvs #but jgy as a character is the main draw for me. and he would have me by the throat even if there was no zewu-jun #(tho i think jgy's life would be more depressing for his absence obviously) #but he is just. /clenches my fists!!! #THE most compelling character in the story and i cannot stop thinking about him!! cannot will not!! #who else in this book has his range? who else can be the doe-eyed idealist AND the spy with blood on his hands who ends a war? #who else is two different greek tragedies and at least two separate shakespearean tragedies rolled into one antagonist #an antagonist who but for the POV of the novel could very easily have been the protagonist #whose moral event horizon is so deeply entwined with his own trauma and abuse that there is no way to meaningfully separate #the violence he does to others from the systemic violence that was done to him for his whole life? #who else in this book manages to get five separate sect leaders utterly obsessed with him no matter how you choose #to interpret that obsession? #no one!!! that's who!! #ain't no one else in the jianghu doing it like lianfang-zun and that's just a goddamn fact

[krakensdottir]

Also something really important I want to point out about Aziraphale's religious trauma.

It's often framed as him being directly abused by Heaven, generally emotionally. And while I don't doubt he's been belittled at points - probably not by Gabriel, the iconic exemplar of the Toxic Positivity boss, but we know how Michael and Uriel etc. can be - it also seems like he's received quite a lot of praise and has generally managed to pull off the appearance of being A Good Angel, or at least a satisfactory one. I don't think, and this is controversial, but I don't think Heaven was usually overtly hard on him.

Because that's not how this kind of cult mentality usually operates. Instead, it teaches you to abuse yourself. Your overseers don't have to directly hurt or insult you if you're so ingrained with fear of failure by the culture you were brought up in that you constantly question yourself as not good enough.

It's not as... satisfying, I guess? As an external abuser being the main issue. But it's a lot more real. At least to me, because I suffered so much anxiety over being 'good' when I was a kid, and it wasn't from direct abuse. It was absorbed from the culture I was surrounded by. I picked it up by osmosis from society at large, and it tormented me. I worried, I doubted, there was a time I literally feared going to Hell. And I wasn't raised strongly religious. My mother certainly treated me as a Good Kid, and never gave even the suggestion that I wasn't. But I felt that way anyway. And it tore me apart. Because internalizing that shit makes it so much harder to fight.

And to be clear at this point, I am not saying Heaven isn't abusive. I just think the nature of its abuse is more subtle and insidious than it's often given credit for. And - this is even harder to accept, but it's true, and it's important - it's not just abusive to Az. All the angels are victims of it. Yes, even Gabriel. The moment he, one of the most powerful forces in Heaven, steps out of line, we see that no one is exempt. Never even mind Muriel, who is literally on the lowest rung of the Heavenly ladder and has probably never been told they're worth anything beyond being, you know, an angel, so at least you're better than humans and demons.

It's a contrast with Crowley, who has long since accepted most (not all, there are definitely some deep issues remaining, but they're nothing like Aziraphale's) of his internal doubts and struggles. His fears are almost entirely external. He doesn't beat himself up if he fucks up. He doesn't have to. There are people happy to beat him up for him. So when things go really bad for him, his instinct is to run. To get out of the way of harm as much as possible.

The fact that Aziraphale is harder on himself than anyone else could be is a vital part of his character. He self-punishes. He self-criticizes. He feels awful every time he breaks the rules in the slightest, even though he isn't usually caught at it. Crowley can find some safety in solitude if he keeps his wits sharp and his head down. Aziraphale can't, because he carries Heaven's conditioning with him at all times. He doesn't need oversight, it doesn't take external threats to keep him in line. You don't need direct threats when literally everyone in your celestial workplace has seen firsthand the consequences of rebellion.

I don't know if I'm making sense here. Again, this is informed by personal experience and I can't claim to be unbiased. But I see so much internalization with Aziraphale. He literally can't even accept praise without being nervous as hell, and I don't think it's fear of punishment or ridicule that's his primary motivation. He simply cannot ever be good enough for himself.

That's how they get you.

Anyway, I think it's why his reaction to disaster is the opposite to Crowley's, why he feels he has to turn and face it and somehow avert the horror (or, alternatively, find some way to reconcile it in his head and accept it - because let's be real, that's often what happens) rather than get himself away. He's less afraid of failing his superiors than he is of failing himself. And God, who is, objectively, the biggest abuser in the entire story.

#go s2 spoilers #good omens meta #aziraphale #this internalized stuff hurts so much #and it's SO much harder to shake than other forms of trauma #breaking free from heaven isn't just not easy - it's impossible until he finally accepts that HE isn't a failure for not fixing everything #and that's the part of him that crowley can't wrap his head around #tl;dr heaven's culture is abusive to all its angels and they manifest it in different ways #and aziraphale takes it harder than any other we've seen

[awhkacey]

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐩 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞

𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐚 𝐩𝐩𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐢 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬’𝐬 “𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲“ 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐳𝐩𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐢 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐩 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩:)

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝟑𝟎 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨.

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞:

❤︎︎ 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦. 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐩 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐭𝐜

❤︎︎ 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭, 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚, 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐢𝐱𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 ’𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞’ 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐢𝐭

❤︎︎ 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐢 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝/𝐨𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩, 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐝, 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐰𝐟𝐮𝐥

❤︎︎ 𝐀𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧!! 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐭, 𝐜𝐫𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦, 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐚𝐰 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧<𝟑𝟑𝟑

❤︎︎ 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭!!! 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 ’𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬’ 𝐨𝐫 ’𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰’ 𝐞𝐭𝐜 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐫/𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐬

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐝𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲!! 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲?

𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬, 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞...

’𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠’

’𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠’

’𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐬’

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 @𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐠𝐚𝐥

𝐁𝐮𝐭𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐲?

𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐦 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮!! 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬!!💗🫶

#healing from trauma #healing from abuse #law of assumption #manifestation #affirmations #neville goddard #self concept #manifest #living in the end #law of abundance #law of assumption challenge #lawofattraction #law of attraction #affirmyourself #affirmation #affirmdaily #love myself #i am loved

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

#inner child healing #reparenting #healing from narcissistic abuse #boundaries #healing people pleasing #healing codependency #healing fawn trauma response

[furiousgoldfish]

Trauma Information

Processing trauma

Traumatic memories get stored in the brain Differently

Trauma processing information

Steps for Managing Emotional Flashbacks

4 Types of Trauma Responses in Childhood

Relapses can possibly be a Seasonal Trauma occurrence

Three Stages of Trauma from Childhood Abuse

It’s likely you’ll feel the worst of your trauma long after it’s over

Feeling like you’re not normal because of trauma

Anger is vital in resolving trauma

Causes of Trauma

List of trauma symptoms caused by Childhood Abuse

How long term childhood abuse develops into trauma (comic)

Loss of support and community after trauma adds to it

Isolation from support can decide whether a person develops ptsd

Abandonment, rejection and isolation causes trauma

Symptoms of Trauma

Magical Thinking is a symptom of Childhood Trauma

Memory loss is a symptom of trauma and dissociative disorder

Inability to keep your space clean and tidy can stem from Trauma

Chronic Exhaustion comes from Trauma and is traumatic

Constant guilt, shame, and fear of failure can be caused by Trauma

Constant guilt for things that were done to you is an indicator of Trauma

Trauma from abuse will create a compulsion to Act Normal

Trauma will make you feel like you’re losing your future

Trauma makes you feel like you just ‘need to snap out of it’

Trauma can feel like ‘it wasn’t that bad’ even when it was

Childhood trauma can make you sense other people’s emotions

If you wish you suffered violence and trauma, it’s likely you’re already traumatized

Health risks

Trauma will mess up your immune system

Trauma can cause breathing problems and heart palpitations

Trauma will mess up your digestive system

C-ptsd can cause chronic pain and chronic exhaustion

Trauma can make it difficult both to sleep and to stay awake

If you’re struggling with trauma, here’s a link to Pete Walker’s Complex PTSD, and if you believe your trauma comes from abuse, here’s a link to checklists for parental/relationship abuse.

#trauma masterlist #cptsd #furiousgoldfish #ptsd #complex ptsd #recovery #understanding trauma #processing trauma #trauma #trauma from abuse #trauma information #trauma symptoms #causes of trauma #health risks of trauma

[it-wasnt-your-fault]

It wasn’t your fault

It wasn’t your fault they treated you that way, it wasn’t your fault you accepted that treatment for so long, it wasn’t your fault you were taught abuse and neglect were what love is all about, it wasn’t your fault you thought it was all you deserved, it wasn’t your fault you fell for their fake charming character, it wasn’t your fault that you just wanted to be loved.

it wasn’t your fault

#healingjourney #narcissistic abuse #healing from abuse #healing from trauma #childhood #childhood trauma #tw abuse #emotional abuse #abuse survivor #narcissistic trauma #narcissistic ex

[performing-personhood]

I learned a kind of funny thing and I need to tell you bc it's important, cmere. Lean in so the others can't hear okay?

Ok so like

I know that the reason we are the way we are is because at some point we took up some space - as people do - and someone turned to us and went "whoa, excuse you! What do you think you're doing" or something, right? And they were, like, surprised and offended that we took up space and told us to stay real small and subservient? And we were pretty young, you and me, and we didn't really grok Peopling yet and so we assumed that everyone else was going to have that expectation too?

Okay I just learned: that isn't true at all, that person was just an asshole.

Babe. BABE. This is big.

Ok do you realize ??? that most people when they're around someone - anyone, this is important, it's an unconscious reflex and happens rather automatically - and that person is like "I have an opinion and desires and also some needs and I am going to express them openly" Did you realize, because I didn't, that most people completely intuitively go "oh! There's another person here! Lemme just scootch over so they fit better :)" PEOPLE MAKE ROOM FOR YOU.

People don't ignore us, when we're silently having wants and needs and waiting our turn to be noticed, they just have similar very loud brains and have no idea because beung corporeal is Distracting™️. Not only do people just need a reminder that you're there, they're totally happy to accomodate. In a distinctly "ope! My bad, lemme just- here-" sort of way.

My spouse has a loud brain and drowns it out with Mario Kart. I've spent most of my life quietly entertaining myself in all of these instances, because at some point someone told me I was supposed to "go play" and nobody wanted to play with me so I entertained myself right? Okay. Well I recently had a sea change and decided I was gonna pop my headphones in and watch TV on my tablet when he was doing his Mario Karting. Because the boy will easily go for four hours and I just spontaneously realized that it would actually be ridiculous if he got butthurt at me for putting some quiet tv on for myself instead of watching a grown man play the same video game for hours.

You know what happened? Not only did nobody's feelings get hurt, but I have never made it more than twenty minutes into a show before he ends a match and switches the console off. And I have never asked him to do so. When I'm over there doing my own thing with my own TV show like a person instead of just scrolling on my phone trying real hard not to exist, somewhere in his unconscious he goes "there's a whole other human being on the other end of the sofa from me. I want to turn this off and engage with that person!"

Okay do you understand what I am telling you??

When you behave like a human person and treat yourself like a human person, other people also instinctively treat you like a human person and they're happy to be reminded that they get to engage with you. The person in our past that reacted differently and got mad at us for being a person, plainly and simply: they were just being an asshole to us.

The people we love want to engage with us. Almost all of them!!! And not only that?? Most other human beings feel the same way.

Huge. Big huge.

Don't take my word for it baby cakes okay, take a sec and muster up the courage (it'll be scary the first time, but the thinking about it is always scarier than doing it I swear) and then get back out there and practice being your very own human person occupying human people space, around someone who loves you, and just... watch what happens. The first time someone warmly, graciously, voluntarily accommodates you is the greatest feeling a corporeal being can experience, and you deserve it too.

#recovering people pleaser #recovering from abuse #recovering from trauma #recovering codependent #recovering from cptsd #cptsd recovery #actually cptsd #just neurodivergent things #actually neurodivergent #mental illness #things I learned in therapy #therapy works

[hawkeyedflame]

man i just really have no use at all for people who won't take responsibility for themselves. if you're miserable, do something about it. other people's help can be a blessing at times but if you don't realize that you're the only person who can save you, then you will never be saved. and you'll spend your whole life asking why it's happening to you and never getting a single ounce of closure.

i know. it's hard. hitting a point where you have no choice but to be honest with yourself about the fact that you are the problem is excruciating. it hurts. i know. i was that person. but once things got bad enough and i was staring down the barrel of being permanently disabled and unable to function independently, i snapped the fuck out of my delusion in which i was a hopeless, helpless victim with no say in my fate. i started clawing my way out. i had no other option. and neither does anyone. it is all, always up to you to save yourself. so fucking save yourself.

#the hawk speaks #and examine your FUCKING DIET. #if you feel like shit constantly all the time it is virtually guaranteed that your diet is at least 90% of the problem #barring something extreme such as abuse/trauma obviously #but even then i wasn't able to heal from my trauma until i changed my diet #because i was so neurotic i couldn't actually work through what had happened to me #but finally.. FINALLY once i got healthy i was able to actually look at my trauma and make peace with it

[seaweedstarshine]

“They engineered a psychopath to kill you.” “Totally married her. I'd never have made it here alive without River Song.”

Sources: Let's Kill Hitler, Diary of River Song: My Dinner With Andrew, Closing Time, The Husbands of River Song, Diary of River Song: The Furies, Diary of River Song: Animal Instinct, The Ruby's Curse, Time of the Doctor

#I don't know if this makes sense but I'm having fun #this is not an attempt to assign meaning to 'psychopath' but to explore how river relates to the identifier in relation to her trauma #and obvs not trying to equate implications of what river does with kovarian- rather examine how the abuse shaped her #river song #doctor who #ive got so many ideas for these and im wasting my 'time off' making gifs instead of taking advantage of #the ability to ignore work emails to get done other massive work projects. oh well #you know what. since this is my second media set in a row ima start tagging them like so- #edits by seaweed #words by seaweed #madame kovarian #crispy!master #the master #I deliberately didnt include the psychopath lines from Picnic at Asgard bc im saving it for a set about River as a demiurge :D #oh and I'm saving 'my bespoke psychopath' for a possible yowzah post surrounding 'two psychopaths is too much for one tardis' line #is SO much easier to do this to express my thoughts than writing words. you don't even KNOW how many incoherent essays in my drafts #okay ima get back to work #and then sleep

[healingchildhoodtrauma]

#inner child healing #reparenting #healing from abuse #childhood trauma #dysfunctional family #narcissist parent

[lucky-slice]

low key i think to deny Riko's trauma is to deny his narrative importance in the story.

like Riko's trauma related to his father parallels neil's. His concept of brotherhood adds complexity to Andrew and Aaron's relationship. He acts not just as an antagonist but as a foil to other character's relationship to trauma and violence.

to solely view riko through the lense of his actions is to miss the point. He is a character in a story, not a real breathing human being.

#i don't know guys like i though we were having fun here #lets go back to making up literary motifs that are probably nonexistent in a self published book series thats basically a sports manga #i'll start #isn't it nifty that riko was abandoned by his father and then abused and ostracized by his guardian figure in a very similar way to neil #isn't it fun that riko was cast aside by his father for his brother just as andrew was cast aside by his mother for his brother #isnt it fun that aaron kills someone to protect his brother while riko's story ends with his brother killing him #love earned through death in both ways #isnt it fun that riko's hunt to be the best ends with his brother killing him in the same way he essentially 'killed' kevin #by smashing his hand #isnt it fun how riko is just as desperate for love and attention and belonging as everyone else #there is a story in which riko is saved and heals from his past in the same way every other character does #the fun part is that story exists yet it is not the story that is told #like come onnnnn #“riko is evil” #“rikos trauma isnt as bad as *insert character” #“riko did this - riko did that - bluh bluh bluh” #im boreeeeeeddd #gnat be quiet #riko moriyama