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punisheddonjuan · 2 months

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Over the last week I've been back in my hometown of Hamilton staying at my parents' house and sleeping in my old bedroom. I had that optometrist appointment earlier in the week, it's Easter on Sunday, and I need to order my prescription at the pharmacy here on Monday anyway. So, an extended visit was an obvious choice. It's been nice. This afternoon I did a little dig through my closet after my mom mentioned that she would like to clear out anything in there which I wasn't keen on keeping. So I took a look, and while there was definitely stuff in there I am fine getting rid of, and in many cases can't remember why I hung onto it for as long as I did, there was also a bunch of neat old stuff in there.

Everything in that closet is thrown into a few banker's boxes, I wasn't quite sure what was in each of them. The first box I dove into turned out to contain all of my university coursework, all five years of it, and much of it disorganized and in disarray. I must have just thrown things in there, because there were loose sheets of translation work interleaved out of order, folders stuffed to breaking with photocopied journal articles and book chapters from different courses, syllabi and unrelated essays in messy piles, and various notebooks, loose notes and revisions. Organizing it all is not a task I'm up doing any time soon, and part of me doubts that I'll ever get it done, it's hardly important anymore. Surveying it all made me think on what a shame it is that I never have any occasion or reason to write things out by hand. I miss using my fountain pens, and my cursive was really quite nice.

I also found my official transcript, of which I have seven copies for reasons that have been lost to time. Presumably I ordered more copies because of grad school applications, but I can't remember.

I guess I did pretty well. And even though grades don't matter at all after you graduate, I did have to do a double take and think back for a minute trying to remember how the hell I managed to bomb Beginner's Ancient Greek II winding up with a C after getting an A in Beginner's Ancient Greek I (and then back to getting As after that). The memory did eventually resurface; I had deferred the exam on account of illness, but when it came time to write the exam in the summer, I wound up running a fever anyway, and on top of that, I was writing it a little over a week after my girlfriend had broken up with me. To be entirely honest, that summer and back half of the year is something of a blur. Welp, oh well.

Oh and hey, in one of those messy piles I found the paper for which I won a departmental essay contest and then third place in the national CAC undergraduate essay writing contest.

The professor's comments were far too kind. It's an okay paper for an undergraduate, I'd change a lot of things looking back at it now. I wonder what Dr. Corner is up to these days and if he finally finished his book. We had lunch together when I first moved to Toronto but that was years ago now. He was the professor I was closest to, a real mentor.

Buried behind the coursework box was another banker's box containing something entirely unrelated but very cool, these:

It's my old iPods! The 30GB iPod Video is completely dead, but the 160GB iPod Classic booted after I found a cable and gave it a quick charge. The headphone jack is busted, if I recall correctly, I had already paid to get it fixed once, and then it died a few months later. By that point I was fed up with having it fixed, and replaced it with an iBasso DX80. The electronics in it are still functioning fine; I might give a go at modding it into something I could put to use. Modding iPod classics is a whole scene these days and you can buy custom DIY replacement parts like microSD card readers to replace the harddrive, and there's custom firmware that allows the iPod to support higher capacity storage. Modding it shouldn't be too difficult and wouldn't even require much soldering. I'd replace the headphone jack, pull the 160GB HDD and replace it with a dual or quad microSD card reader and cram as many 512GB/1TB microSD cards it can take, and replace the battery with a higher capacity one. I stream my music collection from my media server to my phone via PlexAmp these days, but it would be cool to have an offline option, or something I can just leave permanently plugged into the Aux port of my stereo. My dad says he's got a 120GB model that half works floating around too, maybe I'll mod both of them.

There were a few other neat things in that second box like playbills from when I used to attend the opera. Which is yet another thing I used to be able to do and now miss terribly. That double feature of Bluebeard and Erwartung was phenomenal.

There was also a copy from one of the godawful and glossy annual "All About Sex" supplements the University newspaper published. I won't share pictures of that because there are a lot of half-naked semi acquaintances in there, but be assured, it's godawful.

In a third box I found approximately half of my physical PC game collection:

Check out that copy of X-Wing on 3.5" floppies and the sticker advising Windows and Pentium users that this is a DOS game. That's the very first PC game I ever got as a kid, received it as a present for Christmas '95. What you see there is less than half of what I know for a fact that I own on CD-ROM. Just off the top of my head I know I have physical copies of Half-Life, Red Alert 2, Tiberian Sun, Dune 2000, Emperor: Battle for Dune, Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri, Sid Meier's Civilization, Total Annihilation, Unreal Tournament, Star Wars Dark Forces II: Jedi Knight, Mechwarrior 4, Star Trek: Bridge Commander, Doom 3, Medal of Honor: Allied Assault, Thief 2: the Metal Age, Deus Ex and most of those games' attendant expansion packs. I didn't find any of them while clearing out the closet, which means that they're almost definitely up in the attic above the garage, along with the sci-fi and fantasy novels I had from adolescence which I didn't take with me when I moved. Getting up into that attic is a pain in the ass though, and it's cramped and stuffy once you're up there. Maybe next time I visit my parents I can put aside a day to go up there and locate everything. I'd really have to be feeling up to it though. I'm pretty sure my hardback copy of Good Omens is up there, as is my copy of Neuromancer, and the Black Company omnibuses. None of which I've read in years.

The only other things of note were a bunch of pewter figurines of wizards I had for unknown reasons and a few nice and largely unused (with the exception of a few pages that I must have torn out years ago) notebooks that I can put to good use.

Actually, I just figured out the reason I owned these and hung onto them. It's because they're rad as hell. Wizards rule.

#blog #personal history

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candy8448 · 17 days

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ENGLIT2 done!

Gcse rambles

Finally lit is done (at least till i do it in alevel)

But you know how i was preparing for the poem to be checkin out me history (yes yes yes) or storm on the island (no no no)? Welp... none of them came up, Kamikaze did =_=

I wasnt prepared cuz i dont like that poem so i hadnt revsied it since quite a while ago. Luckily i revised all of the poems tho so i did really well i think. (Litterally watched cram videos on all the poems i dont like including tissue 5 mins vefore i left the house this morning)

But i opened my paper expecting, hoping to compare comh to mld but then my heart dropped.

I saw my grade 8/9 slipping out of my grasp as i was handed mediocrity. Thing is that aqa did effects of conflict almost every single year, why not something different ?!?!?!?! I wanted it to be comh cuz i had such good analysises.

Planned a and b for 15 mins, 40 mins on poetry questions, didnt finish but moved in spending about 30 mins on inspector calls and finished it, went back and wrote thesises for both (i write thesises at the end, last thing), did unseen till ten mins before end, went back and crammed in the last bit of poetry and covered everything.

I was writing nonstop even for a second for the whole 2hrs 15 💀

But i think i did well. Compared the poem to Remains cuz that and mld are my best poems, and aic i managed to get a tonna form and structure (surprisingly a lot of form and context and structure) and even managed to involve analysis of the title of the play so i think i did super well

I really liked "the washing never gets done," i found it really reasuring and nice. I think i did well explaining how it affirms that both coexist, you can step out. Dusk exists as both day and night, there is always light even if things seem bad. The enjembment is throughout, making it all chaotic and overwhelming even the nature stuff, showing that others struggle too and you are not alone. It was real nice

Dont remember what i did for the 27.2 tho.

Thing is i didnt even real it even if ut was 8 lines. Litterally just compared the fact that one was long and one was short snd more structured and i waffled

Im so glad that there are no exams tomorrow, im drained

What questions did you have?

#i do a little ramble #gcses #gcse #gcses 2024 #gcse 2024 #gcse english #gcses english #english #english literature #exam #exams #studyblr #school #an inspector calls #power and conflict

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alaska386 · 1 year

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F!Bsd anime watcher in the bsd world… pt 3/?

(No eyebrows emo mentioned)

Brief information for the F!bsd anime watcher(I’ll name her Victoria cuz I say so):

-Name: Victoria [last name I’ll just type ‘XXX’ in the introduction time(s)]

-Gender: Female, Pronouns: She/Her

-Age: 14 years old (idk how to write thoughts, behaviour, moods, goals that are ‘mature’ like adults’ ones cuz idk what they think so I set her as a teenager for myself to write this thing easier)

-Ability: Yall are gonna vote on if she’s gonna have an ability from nowhere

-Sexuality: Bisexual

-Nationality: Chinese(I don’t wanna accidentally write some racist stuff if I say American or British or whatsoever)

-Languages she knows/understands/speaks: Chinese/Mandarin/Putonghua(Don’t worry I won’t make her speak Chinese in the story-), fluent English

-Likes: Music(Classical, Relaxing ones are her preferences), Anime and Mangas(not patient enough to read a full series without skipping some chapters, just like me fr), desserts and snacks, nature sceneries, rainy days(the louder the rain the better), knives, comfy clothes, psychology

-Dislikes: Dogs, pain, school, homework, studying, bitter pills, loud people and noises

-Hobbies: drawing on a paper and in a drawing app, singing, family stuff, *being read like an open book*

-Appearance: dark brown hair and eyes, around Kenji’s height

-Main bsd kins: Dazai, Ryunosuke, Kyouka, Sigma(always in the middle of some arguments and shits)

-Birthday: 1/4/20XX

-Personality: Has social anxiety, rather quiet, sometimes can’t express herself fluently but tries to and tries to hide the things she thinks she should. Thinks quite negatively, does not fully show it as well, gets nervous easily but doesn’t show it often as well(which Ranpo, Dazai and some other smart/manipulative characters can definitely realise/see through)

-Extra: she trusts fate but not luck

Btw her character settings some are actually based off mine cuz I figure that it’ll be easier to write this if I imagine her as myself and I’ve imagined myself in the bsd word many times.

Summary of the last chapter: Victoria was pushed into the agency by Ranpo during Atsushi’s entrance exam, aka bsd season 1 episode 2, after that, Dazai suggested to let Victoria join the ada too, which made Victoria deep in thought again…about her goals, fake ones, and the true ones.

Ranpo pov

I’ve been eating my lollipop and staring at that child, what’s she thinking? Meh, I’m lazy to figure it out. Probably shits about herself being here, but welp.(bro figured out much without even trying to)

I simply walk back to my seat and continue to eat my snacks.

No one’s pov

And then with Dazai’s whole speech, Fukuzawa just lets Dazai be in charge of Victoria’s entrance exam AND her case.(Vic did not say anything the whole time, which she also did realise it was a mistake)

And of course, Dazai cheerfully starts dragging her(she did follow) to the ada cafe. Atsushi asked about the others’ past job, and also knowing that Dazai’s one’s been a mystery that whoever guessed it right will get money(forgot how much). So when Dazai and Victoria walk in, Atsushi immediately starts guessing random jobs, which are all wrong.

Victoria pov

Atsushi goes back to his seat.

Should I… It’ll just change even more things, but who cares..? Em. Nah. Should I? To get Dazai’s extra protection, I need to do this, plus his observation skills will do the shits in the future anyway. Also for my money in Yokohama I guess…

Then I get closer to Dazai’s ear and whispers to it before Dazai goes to ask the waitress about having double suicide with him. “Ex Port Mafia executive, the Demon Prodigy to be more specific.” Dazai did not flinch or say a word, his gaze moved to my eyes for a second, it’s saying ‘you know a lot’ then simply claps his hands and says, “Vic chan guessed it!~ So the reward goes to her!~” he says with a cheerful tone, did not even look at me which was expected and runs to the waitress, damn he’s fast.

No one’s pov

Everyone’s jaw drops and Atsushi and Tanizaki ask what Victoria guessed, which she shakes her head, she doesn’t say anything since she doesn’t want to get suspected by saying ‘it’s Dazai’s privacy’(sounds like she knows a lot about Dazai’s privacy) and she wants to be seen as rather quiet, so that people won’t talk and ask her questions too much(introverted thingy).

Victoria pov

Then Kunikida interrupts Dazai from speaking to the waitress starts beating up him, to actually see my favourite character being beaten in front of my eyes is not a pleasant sight, I stare at them for a while until I heard Atsushi, Tanizaki and Naomi start to discuss about what I guessed about Dazai’s past occupation, of course, I’m a topic in their conversation now.

I don’t like it. I always don’t like being a topic in other people’s conversations, it’s annoying to hear and see and sort of scary not knowing what they’re thinking and talking about, I then look at the table, ah shit I’m showing more weaknesses ain’t I.

I look down at the table and look up, I walk near to the table where Kunikida’s beating Dazai and order a coffee, I’ve always wanted to try it. I then glare at Kunikida, he’s one of my least favourite, possible my least favourite in Dazai’s harem and their relationship with Dazai. I then walk back and sit back on my original seat silently waiting for my coffee while waiting for higuchi to arrive after seeing Tanizaki got the call, everyone stands up and I do as well.

Characters’ development, yeah.

…

No one’s pov

As Victoria expected, Higuchi Ichiyo has arrived, she sits down on the opposite side of Atsushi Nakajima and Tanizaki Juinichiro. Meanwhile Dazai, Kunikida, Naomi and me are standing. Tanizaki starts the discussion with the question ‘You’ve mentioned that you’d like to request an investigation, but what manner of investigation are we speaking of here?’, as the question’s asked, Dazai’s somehow kneeling (I mean when did he start kneeling) and requests her to have a double suicide with him, Kunikida kicks(?) smacks(?) slaps(?) Dazai away.

“Do not kick him so hard, Kunikida san. It does hurt a lot, even if/when he acts rudely, violence is not the best way of dealing with something that annoys you.” Victoria speaks, perhaps it’s because of Higuchi, Vic’s staring at her, her main anxiety focus’s not on Kunikida right now.

Victoria’s pov

I stare at Higuchi as I drink my coffee, “Please continue, my apologies if Dazai san’s actions bothered you, Miss.”

Kunikida apologised to me, which I immediately stop the urge to say that “You should apologise to Dazai”, then he walks out of the room and closes the door(the door technically was closed by gravity and wind).

Higuchi continues talking.

(Just in case you forgot about what Higuchi said, here it is: “Regarding my request… Well, it seems there’s recently been a group of unsavoury people loitering in my company building’s back alley. They appear to be dressed in rags. Some of them have been heard speaking a foreign language.)

As Higuchi finishes explaining, Kunikida opens the door and speaks, “They must be smugglers or some such”, I sigh mentally, I wonder if Kunikida would beat Dazai if Dazai were one of his students in some sort of au like ‘Kunkida becomes everyone’s teacher’… The door closes(or Kunkida closed it idk cuz it didn’t show how it was closed in the anime).

I really forgot most details in season 1, a fake case of investigating the place and finding evidence of the ‘smugglers’ running afoul the law in order to ask for military police’s help.

No one’s pov

Kunkida tells Atsushi and Victoria to go, saying it’s the perfect first job for them, then he also tells Tanizaki to go with them, and of course, Naomi goes too.

When Victoria and Atsushi are packing some tools and their stuff(?), Dazai’s head is lying on the desk and Kunkida walks to them with a photo(still wondering how they got that, probably because of Ryunosuke’s recklessness) and warns us not to run into the dangerous man, if we do, run(Ryu-).

Victoria’s pov

As much as I want to be as invisible as possible, I still need to have that ‘curiosity’ of new and unknown stuff, they can’t know that I know about their future yet.

Atsushi takes the photo. Shin Soukoku Atsushi first sees Ryu, cool.

“Who is that man?” I ask.

“A mafioso.” Dazai answers, who’s sitting on the desk with his headphones around his neck and looking at us now. “Though we call them that because we know nothing else.” What a li— Stop thinking, anyway.

“They’re a vicious mob who claims the port as their territory.” Kunkida explains, looks at Atsushi and me, “They’re called the Port Mafia.” The atmosphere turns more serious, mood changes in anime I guess. “They’re the most dangerous gang in this city’s underground. Of them, the one in this photo is a very dangerous man beyond even the Agency’s reach.”

“He has no eyebrows.” I mumble, Dazai bursts out of laughter, that was a clear message of ‘I know about the fucking future’, then Kunkida tells Dazai to shut up.

“Em… Why’s he dangerous?” Atsushi’s sorta sweating and asks.

Then later(after something that I cut off), I ask, “Who’s this man that has no eyebrows?”, again, Dazai starts laughing.

“Akutagawa.” Kunkida replies as he frowns. I cannot let my guard down now, I can feel here, that means I can feel pain, I’m not some immortal teenage so I need to see him as an enemy, for now, for now. For now for sure…

Will Ryunosuke(‘Akutagawa’ is the last name of both Ryu and Gin so I’ll type their first names) attack me in any way with Rashoumon? Speaking of which, I’ve been wearing this dumb school uniform, man, I gotta buy some new clothes after work. Maybe I’ll live with Sushi so… I suppose I need to stop singing in showers, sigh.

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estelle-lee · 9 months

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is it a new start? - 6th August, 2023

waking up was hard today, but i managed it anyways.

mom was trynna wake me up since 7 am, then dad tried to wake me up at 8.

nothing worked. lol. i woke up at 11 am later. all alone at home. this is the first time in past month that i have woke up so late. probably cuz i was suffering from migraine.

i didn't have breakfast when i woke up. i just sat there for a while. then i took my phone and opened daraz to do nothing but scroll.

while scrolling i saw a mini thermal printer and i remembered that i want one.

i wanted it in a good price, but every product was too expensive on it's own. forget about free thermal paper rolls with them.

so i started a search on it, hoping to find something along the lines of what i want.

now i wouldn't say it. but almost miraculously i stumbled onto a store that was FULL of mini thermal printers. ngl i was happy that i found it cuz now all of them are from bangladesh, so i didn't have to worry about getting delivered a month later lol 💀

so now i went from the store's lowest price to highest price fiter and luckily i FOUND IT! i found one that sold the printer with 3 free thermal rolls in only 1810 bdt!

it was better than other products and stores in ALL factors. now i just needed to find a good thermal roll package 👀

AND guess how LUCKY i was in the morning! that store had thermal rolls too!

now that was not the best part. i had to find the best deal too. so i started searching anddddddddddddd the best deal i found was 10 thermal rolls at 448 bdt…. in normal price it was supposed to be 500 bdt, but the others were too expensive so it was the only reasonable price. but THEN i found ANOTHER package in their store that sold 20 thermal rolls at 553 bdt.

DID YOU HEAR THAT??? BRUH.

that was supposed to cost 1000 bdt but they ONLY PRICED IT 553 bdt! now that's a HUGE save.

now i went to the cart to see how much the total was.

ANOTHER good news. the delivery charge was FREE cuz the products were over 500 bdt from their store + i got 32 bdt extra discount lol.

so i thought "the delivery charge is free here, so i guess i could shop my nail polish from another store" and went on to the nailpolish store i was following.

i've been growing out my nails for the past 5 days, just cuz mom kept scolding me every now and then for literally finishing my nails by biting. it's not my fault cuz i bite my nails naturally whenever i think a lot. but tbh i fkn hate my own habit.

so anyways i went to the store and chose 4 nail polish that i thought would fit me and went back to cart.

ALSKFASLDFKASJFLASJKDFLK I WHAT-

the delivery charge was FREE from BOTH stores!!! PLUS they gave me a total of 100 bdt discount BRUH.

i swear i never found a better offer in my life. i WILL get this. no matter what.

but there were two things i had in mind-

i can't get these things SO easily like vini vidi vici. because the total was 3000 bdt and my mom DEFNITELY WON'T buy me so many things, that even SO expensive.

i didn't wanted these that easily either. i'd like a challenge.

so i waited till mom came home. we had snacks and all.

then i offered mom to buy me everything i have in cart if i can get good grades.

she said she wouldn buy not only what i have in cart BUT ALSO add MORE if i want to and she'll buy me EVERYTHING.

the only condition is - I have to get 80+ in ALL SUBJECTS in this model test.

welp. guess what. i accepted the offer in no hesitation.

now i MUST get 80+ in ALL my exams. nothing else fucking matters.

---

it's 4 pm now. mom didn't make lunch, so now i'm hungry :^

nvm i'll manage.

i've been writing all this pausing my studying lol. i was too bored solving geometry questions so this was a good break!

i'll get back to studying now after freshing myself up.

---

so i didn't study anymore after that but i sure had a good time working. i didn't waste my time on messenger (scrolled for sometime on daraz tho) so it was easier for me to not get distracted.

i also managed to get 3 new citation source which is great!

it was a good day. but i wish for better tomorrow! :)

good night <3

#dear diary

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spaceace314 · 4 years

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Exaaaaams

Due to Current Circumstances, my uni exams are now online assessments that we have 24 hours to complete, despite the fact it should take 50 minutes. So here is a summary of how my exam went today, cos I don’t have anything more interesting to post atm. Enjoy!

*5 seconds in* Welp, this looks stressful, time for a well earned break. *watches YouTube for 10 minutes*

Where was I?

Ah yes, exam.

*reads questions carefully*

*figures out how to do half the questions within a couple of minutes of reading them*

“I am genius”

Wait where was I?

I need 2 wash my hair

No wait hold up I need to do questions first

Questions questions questionssss

Question 1

Ugh that looks boring

I need a break

*wanders aimlessly for several minutes around my house*

*returns to desk*

Okay right exam time

Uhhhhhh

*stares at blank paper for 5 minutes*

I know how to do it I just don’t wanna

*plays with a coin for a bit*

UghhHHHH okay fINe

*does exactly one question*

Wow i am so proud of me

Cronchy crunch it’s time for lunch!

*eats food*

*eats more food*

*stress eats*

*procrastinates*

Oh right yea exam

Gotta do a question

Oooh this one looks easy peasy

*stares at wall*

*stares at floor*

*stares at ceiling*

*stares at door*

*stares into the void and wishes it would envelop me*

*writes a number*

lmao i’m so smort

If I submit what I’ve done already, I’ll could get *smashes calculator* an unpaid internship at MacDonalds cos that ain’t a passing grade yet :)

Singing to myself cos I’m not unCOmfOrTAblE aT aLL

Wot is time

*checks time*

Wow that is time

Amazing

Next question....

I know how to do this

I have answer in my head

I have exact answer in my head

I do not need to do anything but write it down

*does not write it down*

*literally cannot write it down*

*has lost the ability to write words on a page*

Welp, that ain’t good

*wanders off into bathroom like a lost sim*

*stares at the drain in which my hopes and dreams are going*

*goes back to test*

Okay so writing words

I can do that

I am big brain smart IQ

I got dis

*writes stuff*

Oh my gosh I’m incredible

Ok last question. I... I did not see this question earlier. It is a surprise question. I have decided I do not like surprises any more.

*reads question*

...

.......

.........

wot

did... did we learn this?

when did we learn this?

was it when i was distracted?

cos I’m always distracted so that doesn’t really help narrow it down

Welp, time to panic and/or cry

*wanders off*

*wanders back*

*glares at paper but it’s more of a pout*

*doodles on whiteboard*

*doodles maths on whiteboard*

*accidentally solves problem on whiteboard*

wow

i did it

and it only took me *checks time* 4 hours

...

Well that was easy, I have no idea why I got so stressed over a simple little exam!

*remembers I have another exam next week*

*cries*

I hope y’all enjoyed. Honestly that was quite fun to write. I know that my tumblr often covers serious and heavy topics, so I thought I’d make a more light-hearted post just to add some variety. I don’t want my blog to end up being too depressing, after all. Also my inbox has been gathering dust for a while, so if any of y’all ever wanna talk to me about literally anything, please feel free :)

I love you guys, stay safe out there xx

#exam #exams #exam stress #anxiety #shitpost #kinda #idk what this is tbh #it's... it's a post #it's definitely a post #anyway #drink water y'all #i love u guys

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pergimelaut · 3 years

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Books I read in 2020.

I was once platonically attracted to a friend. Not only did he tell me the name of the person he liked (not me, of course), but also the reasons why. I could’ve mentioned two or three, but one reason sank me in was, “Because she likes to learn.” He didn’t say that to offend me since that night was one of those meetings in which he is the spotlight of our conversations, yet I couldn’t help but feel offended. I thought, “That certainly can’t be me. I don’t like to learn.” I never did, actually.

It was a wake up call that, all this time, I had been stuck in the peak of Mountain Stupid, one of the stages of Dunning-Kruger effect—a phase where you were filled with nothing but arrogance and overconfidence, before the realization “you didn’t know anything at all” hit you like a bucket of cold water.

Well I didn’t change myself after that, though. But in my defense, I decided to read 70-something books in the third year of my student press organization’s membership (which I later failed) long before I had had the conversation with him. I had had my own reason at first, but whatever it was, it was slowly but surely shifted with an ultimate goal created due to that very night, “I want to like to learn.”

Long story short, I was able to read 33 books in 2020.

It’s nowhere near an achievement to be proud of, so I cancelled my plan to write about it and upload it on a platform where I could gain a higher chance he would read it. I know, I know, I shouldn’t seek validation from another person besides myself—after all 33 books were quite impressive for someone like me who don’t really like books, so I shouldn’t be embarrassed about it nor should I be disappointed with the fact that the plan must be cancelled as I was miserably failing, but, welp, so. Okay. In this post, I would like to tell you the books I read in 2020, sort by chronological order.

Yeah, I uploaded it on my personal blog instead, what a dramatic turn of events.

Manifesto Flora was the first book I read, finished it on 2 January 2020. I believe I started to read it on the last couple days of 2019, so it was kinda cheating. It’s a compilation of short stories. All of them were amazing but there was a short story that I really enjoyed titled “Bekas Teman Baikku”. The author had written a short story for a yearly student magazine organized by a student press organization I later joined.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez was an amazing novel it earned 5 stars on my Goodreads account. My teacher had been telling us about it as he taught magical realism in Creative Writing class. I finished it in three days—I remember those days where I didn’t do anything besides reading; I woke up in the morning and started to read. That was the only thing I did all day. It almost felt like reading was my hobby. (Spoiler alert: It’s not.)

Hidup di Luar Tempurung was the third book I read. I wasn’t in the best mood to read at that time, but I pushed myself, ended up finishing it but also regretting it since I knew that this book deserved to be treated well. After that I read Bagaimana Tuhan Menciptakan Cahaya by Raka Ibrahim and O: Tentang Seekor Monyet yang Ingin Menikah dengan Kaisar Dangdut by Eka Kurniawan, ended up disliking both by simply because I didn’t enjoy them, I gave them 2 stars.

Then, well. Global pandemic left me shell-shocked as everyone else, really.

One month nearly passed but thankfully I managed to finish the first e-book titled Filosofi Teras by the end of March. I liked the book at first, even for a short period of time I felt like I could rely on the book as I was trying to cope with anxiety, but turned out it’s a false hope since I simply couldn’t become that rational LOL. But topics about stoicism still got my attention though—perhaps it’d remain as something I could admire. Pulang by Leila S. Chudori was a really good book, another one with 5 stars. Later I learned that having 1965-ish as a setting for novels is mainstream, but since I hadn’t known that, it left me in awe.

Then I got tired.

I wasn’t in the mood to read any books, so I turned into Japanese books—my admittedly guilty pleasure. I read Naruto Secret Chronicles: Shikamaru’s Story: A Cloud Drifting in Silent Darkness, a light novel from Naruto based on Shikamaru’s perspective. Although I wouldn’t mention it as one of the books I read in 2020, it was surprisingly a good book. It taught me about Naruto’s universe beyond what I knew, such as politics and government involved. It helped set the mood, so I continued with Ichigo Doumei, another Japanese novel. It was a book mentioned in Your Lie in April, one of my anime recommendations. It’s a good, simple wholesome story that taught us to treasure the life we had. I disliked the female lead character, though—I still do.

I read Kubah by Ahmad Tohari, a novel my teacher once mentioned, which I dislike, and much hate later on, since it gave people wrong assumptions about PKI and what’s surrounding the 1965 tragedy. After that I fell into Kagerou Daze fandom where I spent a lot amount of time consuming the songs, manga, anime, and also light novels—making me successfully adding Kagerou Daze Vol. 3: The Children Reason, Kagerou Daze Vol. 4: The Missing Children, and Kagerou Daze Vol. 5: The Deceiving to my Goodreads’ bookshelf. The latter was my favourite among them. As I hyped with Japanese authors, I thought it was best to finish Before the Coffee Gets Cold, a Japanese novel I found from a post about, well, Japanese novel recommendations. It’s a fun experience; an enjoyable story with a heart-warming ending.

Four Japanese novels in a row brought me to cursed loop as I realized I had not “learned” enough. Whereas I did learn something with each Japanese novel I read, it wasn’t “learning” that I’d planned in the first place.

August was a month where I thought, “Eh, maybe I like books,” because I read 8 books in one month. I read Setan van Oyot by Djokolelono, a book published by Marjin Kiri. The novel was well-constructed from the start to the middle part, but unfortunately NOT until the end. Another note: it didn’t bother giving us the translation of both the local and foreign languages used in the story, which is good! I also had the energy to consume Of Mice and Men, a classic book mentioned in Pulang.

I had spent days in library and bookstore when I finished Hidup Begitu Indah dan Hanya Itu yang Kita Punya—it made me aspire to achieve the ability to write articles like Dea Anugerah, the author. I also read Ketakberhinggaan di Telapak Tangannya by Gioconda Belli which easily became one of my favourite books of the year.

I read The Heart is A Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers, another book with a writing style I would aspire to achieve. It’s a good social-realism novel covering racism towards black people, the life of a curious little girl, a perspective from a blind-deaf man, and the socialist guy—everything was set around the 1930s, written by a brilliant 23-year-old woman. It has some translation issues, unfortunately. Then I continued with Kekerasan Budaya Pasca 1965: Bagaimana Orde Baru Melegitimasi Anti-Komunisme Melalui Sastra dan Film. I’ve been wanting to be able to convey my thoughts in a well-constructed thesis like what the book did.

Tango & Sadimin by Ramayda Akmal was the next, and it was enjoyable even though not satisfying—at least it helped me discover my tendency towards social-realism novels. Then I read Xenoglosofilia: Kenapa Harus Nginggris? by Ivan Lanin—it didn’t help me that much despite its educational contents, but perhaps I just didn’t find what I was looking for.

September was a shameful month as I didn’t read any books AT ALL. I planned to read at least one book per month, that’s why I set 12 books in my Goodreads. My goal wasn’t to read books, but to like them, so what I set up was simply the habit. Looking back at what I did—finishing One Hundred Years of Solitude—I could read book all day if I want to. But I want to become someone who, even if for a few pages, read books every day. And I considered myself failing when September passed without any finished books added to the list.

November came and I read El hablador by Mario Vargas Llosa, a book I had been desperately looking for that my friend finally lent to me. I gave them 5 stars because it greatly helped me in understanding indigenous people and how important it is to support their rights.

Then I desperately turned back to another Japanese novel, this time The Kudravka Sequence by Honobu Yonezawa. It successfully made me fall in love with one specific character because I feel represented, then I looked up Wikia and the synopsis of the next novels, and ended up disappointed LOL. I got tired again and read Sebuah Pertanyaan untuk Cinta by Seno Gumira Ajidarma, a book which I couldn’t believe had written by the Seno Gumira Ajidarma LOL(2). Then in order to set up the mood, I bought my friend’s self-published short stories, Dongeng Sebelum Tidur: Kumpulan Cerita Pendek. It was the first time I added a book to Goodreads. I told her that I uploaded a review and gave her 5 stars. She was really happy and I too was happy because of it.

December approached as well as final exams. So many papers with short deadlines, and despite that, I read books instead on working with my papers—procrastinator as its finest, you see. I read two Agatha Christie’s books, The ABC Murders and Five Little Pigs, two novels I had really wanted to read in years. After exams passed, I somehow gained my energy back. I read Kisah Seekor Camar dan Kucing yang Mengajarinya Terbang by Luis Sepulveda, an enjoyable novella reminding us to take care of animals and protecting the environment from pollution. I wrapped up 2020 with two classic books, No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai and Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell.

Yup, that’s it!

Now that I’ve just tracked back all the books I read, I realize that my reading experience has its ups and downs. I ain’t good at keeping my mood stable to do the same activities for a long period of time, and I earned the energy back by—apparently—switching into Japanese novels or light-themed books.

Long story cut short, I failed to read 70-something books. But I also recovered from the heartbreak I guess (LOL), and that’s good news! (Although maybe I forced myself to move on, since the goal was the indicator whether I’m worth it or not, and I failed.) (I shouldn’t have done that to myself, but I had no chance at all in the first place, though. That’s why if I could move on by setting an impossible goal, failed in the process, and helplessly gave up, so be it!)

Thank you for reading.

(And thanks to Anggy who beta read the post! <3)

#english #tentang saya

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i-am-grell · 5 years

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Things My History Prof. Has Said So Far (Balkans Edition)

Remember this post? Welp, I’m taking a class with him again this year and he has not changed.

“You guys are doing the work for me and I’m getting paid for it... Believe me I’m paying for it in other ways...”

“Has anyone been to Istanbul? Let’s all go! We’ll teach the rest of this course there.”

“The Serbian king might have been a son of a bitch, and everyone was poor, starving, and whatever, but that doesn’t matter because they fought this glorious war against some guy-”

“The Austrians will say, ‘Hey, Serbia... Kinda need your pigs...’“

“The United States has a Balkans. It’s called Appalachia. The English had a Balkans: the Scots.”

“It becomes an exotic, and even an erotic space.”

“He was taken by the women of the region because they’re sexy, but he’s frustrated because they’re not giving him any - like the modern day incel, I guess.”

“He’s a ‘breast guy,’ I guess.”

“That’s why he’s fat. I don’t think he’s fat - I think Glenny’s a skinny man. His book is just fat.”

“I said ‘Don’t make me come over there and hockey fight you, because I will,’ and then the oral exam she came in with her hockey gloves and said ‘Okay, let’s do it.’ She’s in law school now.”

“If your conclusion is a long ‘Wow,’ that’s fine.”

“If you have any questions, you can let me know next Monday. Or now. You can let me know now.”

“No, I won’t fail you for that.” *mumbles* “I’ll find something else to fail you for...”

“No! No, no - stay away from the library!”

“By all means, Google stuff all the time.”

“If you come across a word and you’re like ‘Jobbit didn’t teach me this’ - no, I didn’t. Shit man, I can’t do everything.”

“It’s more of a metaphor as opposed to a real door. It’s a metaphor door.”

“I think Latin is still the official language of the Vatican, right? Let’s just say it is.”

“Use this assignment sheet to clean up my coffee here...”

“It’s not from the west. It’s not from the north or the south... One direction left... Asia! Asia is what we call ‘east.’”

“Part of those bastards who caused a lot of shit during World War II.”

“‘Say 7 Hail Mary’s’ - well, they wouldn’t do that in the Orthodox church - I don’t know what they’d do - but anyway, if they think ‘I don’t wanna do that,’: go over here... ‘Hello, rabbi! I’m impotent!’ ‘Well, do this and this and this.’ ‘That’s stupid.’ Go over here to the Muslim church. ‘Do this and this and this.’ ‘I like the sound of that!’“

“Aren’t you glad that we live in a free country where, if you wanna wear green, you can fucking wear green?”

“And according to Mazower, there was sex outside of marriage and sex before marriage, and, thinking back to my teenage years, I would have converted.”

*Immediately after taking 10 minutes to get the powerpoint working* “All right, class dismissed.”

“If you have any complaints, you can take it to the chair. Me. If you have any complaints about the teacher of this class, you can take it to the chair. Me.”

“The power courses through my veins. I can do whatever I want. There’s literally nothing you can do.”

“Shit’s going down, man. The world’s changing. What does that bastard Napoleon do? He’s an ally, but then he invades Egypt. Well, that’s not very nice.”

“The Greeks - we’ll see them messing up some shit in Romania for some reason...”

“I wasn’t impersonating you. I was impersonating someone from like - I don’t know - Alabama.”

“In 1784, the Chinese emperor writes to the king of England like: ‘I’m sorry, man.’“

“If you’re having trouble with your paper, just come see me. I’ll help you with it. Shit, for a hundred bucks, I’ll write it. What can the chair do? The dean’s not gonna know. I’m not gonna tell him.”

“The Sultan. He was the boss. Like me. He was the Steve Jobbit of the Ottoman Empire.”

*After leading a Serbian pronunciation* “It’s not a Serbian class anyway - thank God.”

#corrie takes history #the balkans #quotes #school #university #uni life

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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Why did you last feel like crying? This past weekend I was just extra moody and on the verge of tears.

How long ago and why did you last feel infuriated? I get easily irritated and frustrated, but it’s been awhile since I’ve felt infuriated.

Do emotions control you or do you control your emotions? My emotions got control over me a few years ago and I haven’t been able to gain it back. :/

Do you keep your friends secrets/private information to yourself? Yes.

What negative quality do your friends bring up the most? I wouldn’t want friends who did that. I do that enough myself as it is, I don’t need anyone else pointing out all my negative qualities all the time.

What quality do you think you have that others don’t think you do? I don’t know. I feel like people in my life overestimate my abilities rather than the other way around. I feel a lot of pressure to maintain that illusion. <<< Same in regards to feeling like people overestimate my abilities. Although, in terms of the long list of negative qualities I believe I have, my loved ones would disagree on a lot of them.

Do you often “jump” to conclusions? Yeppp. Always the worst ones, too.

Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting or indifferent? It could be scary depending on the situation, but I’d definitely feel anxious and uncomfortable.

Do you think you know a lot about the world? There’s a lot more I don’t know.

Do you know first aid? No.

Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? Y Yes. It makes me feel weak. I can’t even look when having blood drawn and getting it done makes me sweaty and weak.

Does your first name have an L in it? Nope.

Middle name have a C in it? Nope.

Last name have a R in it? Yes.

Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? Nope. The word above, does it have any connection to you at all?

Do you prefer classic rock or nope alternative? Nope alternative?

Do you like Kings of Leon? Yeah. I loved when Sex on Fire first came out.

How about The Script? Yes.

Does crying make you feel better? Sometimes.

Do you know a girl called Becca? Nope.

How about a guy called Gregory? No.

Does someones background effect whether you’ll be friends with them or not Uh, well yeah. Like if they have a sketchy background or have done things I’m not comfortable with.

How about their religious background? I’d have a problem with a satanist or if they were involved in a cult.

If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? That would likely make things complicated, but I guess it would depend on the situation. Although, you’re likely just getting their side of it and it may not be accurate or they’re leaving things out that paint them in a better light than their ex. It would just really, really depend on the situation and it’d take a lot of communication.

Do you drink tea and/or coffee every day? Coffee, yes.

Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? No.

How about a fashion designer? No.

Do you wish that magic was real? I mean sure it’d be dope to make something you want appear or happen whenever you want. It could also be tricky, though, and used for the wrong reasons.

What food would you love to wipe off the face of the earth? I’m picky, so there’s a lot of foods I don’t like, but plenty of other people enjoy them so I’m not going to wipe it off the earth just cause I don’t like it.

Can you use a bottle opener? Yeah...

Do you own a cheese grater? Nope.

What time will it be in 38 minutes time? 4:26AM.

What day/date will it be in 11 days time? May 25th. Damn.

Have you ever owned a pet fish? Y Yep. I had a fish tank full of fish as a kid.

Do you prefer fire or ice? Fire in terms of bonfires and in a fireplace for the comfy, coziness of it and I love the smell of it during the fall. I don’t use ice in my drinks, so, not a big fan.

Do you rap along with rap songs? Ha, well my attempt to rap along.

When happy, do you become more talkative? Yeah.

Bowling or sailing? Why? Bowling I guess if I had to pick out of the two. Have no interest in either one, though.

What colour is your kettle? I don’t have one.

How about your microwave? Black.

Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? Front.

How about in a train? On the bus? I’ve always had to sit in the middle on buses cause that’s where the wheelchair spots are.

Do you care about politics? I admit that I really haven’t been following closely these past few years. I used to pay more attention, but I just... can’t. It’s too much.

Obama or Bush?

Blair or Brown?

When did you last cook something from scratch? I don’t cook from scratch. The only cooking I do is packaged ramen.

What things make you jealous? Im rarely jealous. <<< Same. I feel envy more than jealousy.

Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? I am confused as to why it’s okay certain curse words but not others. And I really don’t get why in “asshole” just the “hole” part is bleeped out lol. Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? Right now I’m just sleepy.

What’s your Mum’s Mum called? How about your Dad’s Dad? Lupe/Charles.

Do you prefer crepes, pancakes or waffles? Waffles and crepes.

Do you have ice-cream in your fridge right now? I think we have some.

How about chicken nuggets? Not chicken nuggets, but my brother has a bag of chicken wings.

Do you eat fish often? Never. I hate seafood. <<<< Saaaame.

Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? Nope.

Do you know anyone who is scared of you? I can’t imagine anyone being afraid of me, a stick thin, super shy, and awkward af girl. haha.

What person who has died would you bring back and why? I wouldn’t mess around with bring people back from the dead. I believe I’ll see them again one day.

Do you like watermelon? Yeah. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had any, though.

Can you remember the month of your first kiss? October. I remember that because it happened at my high school drama department’s haunted house.

Do you make friends easily? No. I also don’t try to to be honest.

What makes you different from everyone else? DNA <<< Hahaha welp that most certainly does.

I give you a piece of paper. What do you draw/write on it? I’d do random doodles and write random words in cursive cause that’s what I do when I doodle.

What pictures or photos are up in your lounge? Is that like the living room? If so, we have a few framed photos on the shelves we have.

Do you like purple and white patterned things? Sure.

Do you know anyone called Pipa? No.

I say purple, you think… It’s my mom’s favorite color.

What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? Nothing.

Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? They’re nice, I’m just super awkward.

Does the description of your starsign correspond with your personality? Nope. I’m so opposite of how a Leo is described.

Do you have a photo album? Yeah, several old photo albums (physical ones) and several on Facebook and my phone.

What artists paintings do you find the most beautiful? I don’t necessarily go for beauty in art. My favourite painters are Dali, Kandinsky, and Klimt. Weird over beauty for me. <<< That’s how I am. One of my favorites is The Scream by Edvard Munch. I like the melting clocks one by Dali, too.

What about the most disturbing? Hmm. There’s definitely paintings I’ve seen that I thought were disturbing, but of course I can’t think of a specific one at the moment.

Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? I’ve been to two camps: science camp and Girl Scout camp. I also had to do summer school once in the 6th grade cause I missed a lot of school due to spending months in the hospital and at home after having surgery. I voluntarily took a few summer classes in college.

What was your favourite cartoon as a child? A lot of the stuff that was on Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, PBS, WB Kids, and Saturday morning cartoons on ABC.

What was your biggest fear as a child? Bugs.

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Fly.

What about invisibility or mindreading? Invisibility.

Do you like what you see in the mirror? Nopeee.

Can you remember all your past teachers names? Not all of them, but a lot of them.

Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I enjoyed when we had talent show assemblies in elementary school. Those were fun.

Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Yes, in math.

Do you find people taller than you intimidating? Just about everyone is taller than me.

Do you think you are better than people of a different country/background? Wow, absolutely not. I don’t think I’m better than anyone.

What’s your favourite thing about your country? We have our issues and I know other countries make fun of us, but we have a lot of good qualities and I like where I’m from.

Who is your favourite bzoinker? I don’t go on there.

What websites do you have bookmarked? The ones on the toolbar are Google, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Pinterest, and a couple PDFs from Bible studies.

Do you use bows and ribbons to decorate your gifts? Yeah. I love wrapping presents and making them look all nice and pretty.

Do you listen to the same type of music as your parents? What type is that? We like a lot of the same, yeah. Especially my mom and I.

What TV show scared you as a kid? Are You Afraid of the Dark haha but I also loved to watch it. That intro is what really got me. Oh, and Unsolved Mysteries. That was a show about real life mysteries and murders and such.

Family Guy, The Simpsons or South Park? Why? Out of the three I’d pick Family Guy, but I’m not into any of them. My family loves Family Guy so I see parts of episodes here and there all the time and I’m familiar with it. Sometimes it’ll give me a little chuckle.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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jennifersylvesters · 5 years

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not so subtle - part ten

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x reader Word Count: 4.3k~ Warning: swearing A/N: welp, it’s here. we in the endgame double digits now folks. just as a heads up, “not so subtle” will be taking a semi-hiatus. basically this means i'm putting it on the back burner due a couple reasons. one: i’d really like to complete “ring ring” or “how to trick someone into loving you” because they have less parts. two: i was looking over my original outline and it’s not as strong of a conclusion as i wanted it to be. with that said, hope you enjoy this part. it’d be cool if y’all gave feedback, but no pressure

Now that you were aware of your feelings for Harrison, things sucked.

You desperately wanted to avoid him, but it wasn’t like those times that you ignored him due to your fervent hatred. In fact now it was the total opposite. You couldn’t look at him for more than a couple seconds before turning into a flustered mess. Who is this bitch, and why is she acting like a pining, lovesick idiot? It was disgusting how head over heels you were.

If you weren’t looking at Harrison, you were thinking about him. Your mind became consumed with images of the boy - the way he laughed, the way his nose crinkled, those flecks of deeper blue in his eyes that only shone when the light hit just right. Even the way he stretched showing just a slight bit of skin had a hold on you. Stupid brain.

You kept trying to reason with yourself, pointing out all his flaws. Yet for every flaw you were reminded of the softer, caring side he displayed only towards you. God, you were such a goner.

Yet you knew Harrison didn’t feel the same way. And why should he? You gave him time and time again reasons not to date you. Meanwhile there were other more glamorous girls that he could surround himself with. Remembering that made things suck more. All you wanted was for him to feel the same way. Was that too much to ask for?

Apparently. Ha ha ha. You truly played yourself.

Just suppress your feelings. That’s what you reminded yourself daily. You could totally play it cool and casual like he wasn’t destined to break your heart. Just avoid social media. And going out. And him in general. It wasn’t that difficult.

Except it absolutely fucking was. After Valentine’s Day, Harrison visited your campus frequently. He claimed he was bored and the campus offered good research material for any college roles.

You could put on your best scowl and tell him to leave you alone but he paid no mind. The nature of your relationship had become lighthearted without you even realizing. No matter the threats you threw his way, he simply shook them off.

Whenever you studied, Harrison sat next to you in the library or cafe. While you flipped through notes and textbooks, he played on his phone or read through scripts.”Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” you snarked, hoping your aggressive nature would prompt him to leave.

“Nowhere I’d rather be than here” he hummed. You thanked whatever higher being was out there that Harrison never glanced up to see your beet red face.

His bolder, familiar moments had you sweating bullets. Sometimes he hovered over your shoulder, his breath fanning your neck as he asked what you were working on. Other times he doodled in the margins of your notes while you were still writing.

“Osterfield, what are you doing?” you’d ask nervously seeing how dangerously close his hand was to yours.

He’d hum in response, engrossed in his drawing. “Just doodling” he would answer as your heart pounded out of your chest when his hands finally bumped yours.

“Is this alright?” Was it alright that he got you hot and bothered with a simple touch? Absolutely not. Was it alright for him to be drawing? Also not really. The whole point of writing notes was to focus on important details. Now all you did was goofily smile at the drawings on the sides of the pages.

But as soon as he looked up at you, all you could do was nod. One nod and his beautiful smile would come out; it took all your effort not to fall apart. You both longed for yet hated these moments. He had you wrapped around his finger, and the two of you weren’t even remotely close to dating.

There were flickers of potential where you thought he might see you differently, that he might actually like you. It was the way he brought snacks to share, always bringing your favorite treats and letting pick out your favorite flavors. They were the times he grabbed your bag when it was heavy, hoisting over his shoulder and walking you back home without complaint. Well, mild complaints. It was Harrison after all. Then there were those moments where he bumped shoulders with you only to gently tap his fingers on your arm. Three light taps as if to say “sorry about that”. It was a secret language that only you two shared.

Yet this was Harrison.Every time you felt so much of an inch of possibly being together, your hopes were instantly dashed. You wanted to have this blindly optimistic faith that he was falling for you like you fell for him. But wearing rose-colored glasses wasn’t something you could easily do when you saw the way he was around other girls.

Whenever you studied, you noticed girls slipping him their number and flirtatiously waving. He would flash them a grin and pocket their numbers with ease. His casual nature about these flirtations made you unsure if he could ever commit to a single person. Could he commit to you? Better yet, would he commit to you?

You told yourself you didn’t even deserve to be jealous. It’s not like you were dating him much less putting yourself out there. Even so, it stung to see girls fawning over him in your presence.

You tried to put distance, thinking if you inched away he would leave you be. Your chair grated against the floor as you shuffled away. Take the hint, Osterfield.

Unfortunately he didn’t understand that social cue. Instead he scooched his chair closer to yours. “Stop being jealous, Lil Skunk” he teased not knowing how his words meant more than he could ever realize.

“I’m not jealous” you hissed trying to focus on your work. A post-it note floated onto your notes reading: “if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably jealous ;)”.

“You’re such an idiot” you laughed quietly tossing the note back at him and he grinned.

“But you probably think it’s attractive, don’t you?” God, how you wished he was wrong.

With midterms approaching you hoped he would let you to study in peace. Of course Osterfield thought it was a better to do the opposite. Even when you insisted for him to leave you alone, there he was right by your side. Sometimes he left snacks or post-its saying “don’t fail, lil skunk” with an ugly drawing of a skunk frowning. It was so adorable you wondered if you should frame it. No, you idiot. Don’t be a creep.

After all the late night studying and energy drink jitters, you managed to submit your papers on time. The tests were hell, but somehow you pulled through. You let out a tired sigh of relief as you tossed in your last test and headed back home.

Bursting through your apartment door, you saw Kimberly sitting upside down on the couch. She held a carton of strawberry ice cream in her hands while a spoon stuck out of her mouth. You grinned at the sight of your normally put together roommate looking slightly disheveled. Kimberly only got this way when she finished exams.

“I’m done with hell week!” you announced as you bounced down next to her. Pulling the spoon out of her mouth, she scooped up ice cream and held it towards you. Not one to deny yourself a sweet treat, you happily obliged taking the bite.

The two of you lazed around for a bit longer before she nudged you.

“Bar time?” she asked.

You nodded. “Bar time.”

It became a group tradition to celebrate finishing exams by going to your favorite bar. Despite being exhausted, you looked forward to this night knowing some of your friends partied harder than usual. You weren’t even sure why that was, but with how hilarious things got you didn’t question it. Nothing could ever top Sarah’s drunken serenade before she toppled down the stairs at a bar, but perhaps tonight someone else would claim the shame spot.

A couple hours later you headed out with friends towards the bar. No surprise the place was packed when you arrived. A good chunk of the patrons were students, everyone congratulatory drinking after the stress of finals. And why not? No more finals meant no longer worrying about late night cramming and napping in strange locations to get just an ounce of sleep.

Your friends managed to snag a small booth as you all crammed inside before ordering drinks. Everyone was in good spirits discussing their plans for spring break. While everyone excitedly talked about where they were visiting, you kept quiet. You planned on heading to the Bahamas with Emma but knew Tom and Harrison would probably accompany you. The idea of Harrison wandering around shirtless on a constant basis had you overwhelmed just thinking about it. Those abs. Oof.

About an hour later Tom and Emma shuffled through the crowd towards your group. Despite the ruckus, you could hear Emma worrying about her results.

“Babe, I think I failed. Oh, God. What if I failed?” Emma groaned as she gripped Tom’s sleeve.

“Nothing you can do about that now, darling” he shrugged before regretting his words. Your best friend let out a loud wail causing Tom to quickly apologize. “I’m sure you passed with flying colors! You’re so smart, babe!” he encouraged as the rest of you roared with laughter.

With Sarah preoccupied in a conversation, Kimberly nudged you to accompany her to the bar. The place was packed as the two of you pushed through the crowd. “Are you having fun?” your roommate asked as she waited for a bartender to take her order. You shrugged nonchalantly.

While everyone else was getting drunk, you slowly worked on a cranberry vodka. Sure, finals had been stressful but you wanted to relax. Downing shots was not what you had in mind. Surprisingly enough it was comforting being around this hectic noise. Hearing your friends laughing about trivial things felt oddly comforting, but there was only one voice you wanted to really hear.

That’s when you noticed Harrison across the bar. Ever since you realized your feelings, you found it easy to spot him in a crowd. You gravitated towards his presence. A part of you wanted to call out to him and wave him over. Despite his friendliness the past weeks, the idea that he would ignore your gesture worried you. Maybe his friendliness was a long con for playing a prank. Elaborate but not outside the realm of possibility. But the internal struggle vanished when you realized he wasn’t alone.

Next to Harrison stood a blonde girl clearly interested in the Brit. You swallowed hard watching him smile at her as she gave all the signs of flirting. She leaned in whispering something in his ear. Her hand gently grazed along his arm. The way she bit down on her lip and pushed her chest out made it clear she wasn’t looking to just be friends.But it was her giggling and him breaking into laughter that struck the final blow because whatever she was selling, Harrison was definitely interested in.

It was reality slapping you across the face that you weren’t going to be that girl. You couldn’t simply flutter your lashes. You sure as hell couldn’t press up against him with the intention of expecting something more. How could you act cool around someone who flustered you without even trying? There was no way you could just act like a completely different person. He was Lil Shit and you were Lil Skunk. And that sinking feeling was a reminder that things would never change.

Gripping your drink, you chugged it before slamming it down on the bar. Kimberly watched with surprise as you ordered another. As the glass slid in your direction, you immediately pounded it down. The alcohol heated your stomach as you quickly gulped before making a face.

“Y/N-” Kimberly started as you called the bartender over once more. “Are you-?” You ignored her concern as you ordered a pint of beer. When he asked your preference, you shrugged and told him to take his pick. It didn’t matter anyways. You just wanted something to loosen you up, help forget reality even if only for a couple hours.

Half of your pint glass was drained by the time you finally acknowledged your roommate again. “Y/N, are you okay?” Kimberly asked as she eyed your drink.

“I’m fine” you grunted. “I’m great actually. I’m having fun.” If you said it enough, maybe it would actually become real. That it wouldn’t hurt to glance Harrison’s way. That you wouldn’t let this misery wash over you. That wouldn’t let fate remind you how would never have him. Tears that stung in your eyes wouldn’t slip out. You refused to let them. Absolutely no way you were bawling over Harrison in a bar. You had more class than that.

You knew that if you wanted to get drunk - plastered even - you needed a certain amount of stealth around her. Kimberly was the voice of reason you wanted to simply flick away and ignore. As much as you loved her, you just wanted to drink to forget the pain. Was that such a crime?

So once you finished your pint, you left it on the bar and joined your friends. It was easy enough to convince them to buy you a couple drinks, using the excuse of you needing one after all those finals.

You found yourself slipping into a haze, sounds becoming slightly louder and certain thoughts sounding funnier than they ever did. Whoomp - there it was: you were certifiably drunk and way above your tolerance levels.

No one seemed to notice, not even Kimberly who was too preoccupied with her girlfriend. As you swayed to the bar’s music along with Emma, you kept telling yourself that you were fine. You were having fun.

“Hey I’m gonna head out.” Your ears perked up at the sound. Did that voice know how much you liked it? You would listen to it recite a takeout menu if given the opportunity.

Turning you saw Harrison clap his hand on Tom’s shoulder. Harrison whispered something into Tom’s ear causing his best friend to glance around before turning a shade of pink. Something inside you flared up. Was he heading off with the blonde girl? Of course he would. He looked cozy with her that you imagined he jumped at the chance to take her home.The assumption that Harrison was leaving with her left you seething.

You weren’t in your right mind as you burst into laughter causing both boys to look in your direction.

“‘Course you are” you slurred out. Harrison gave you a strange look as you blurted your immediate thoughts. “‘Course good ol’ Osterfield is getting laid tonight. Wouldn’t expect anything less!” Holding the cup in Emma’s hand steady, you took a long sip as she laughed at your antics. Both of you howled with laughter unaware of Harrison looking visibly hurt by your words.

“She’s just drunk” Tom tried to justify your actions, helping steady you as you toppled slightly.

“Yeah, drunk as a skunk” you snorted. “Ain’t that fitting for your little nickname for me.” You laughed dryly, knowing there was nothing funny about the moment.

Like a woman possessed, you grabbed Tom’s beer bottle and began chugging it. Tom’s eyes widened and shot a glance over at Harrison who just stared at you. Tom tried taking prying it away but your grip was tight. He could take the damn thing once you finished.

“Y/N, c’mon” Tom groaned. Once you finished, you put it on the table and let out a loud cheer. Emma and the rest of your drunken friends whooped along.

“I’m having fun, Tom. Why don’t you get with the program?” you sneered as you stumbled back, Harrison helping to keep you upright. You heard that voice you love so much murmur your name, urging you to stop but you simply shook your head.

“Go big or go home, bitches!” you roared out as you threw your hands in the air. Another round of cheers rang through the bar again.

For the rest of the night, you became a certified hot mess. You drunkenly sang along with the jukebox, shimmying to whatever tunes blasted through the speakers. You attempted to climb on tables, getting handsy with whoever tried to help you down.

You didn’t even notice how Harrison stuck by your side the rest of the night. Whenever you stumbled, he steadied you from falling over. Any guy that looked even remotely interested in you was shot a nasty glare.

He was practically babysitting you despite Tom’s insistence that he could take care of you and Emma. Harrison roughly shook his head watching you publicly embarrass yourself without a care in the world.

As the bar began closing, he slid his arm around your waist to keep you upright. You whined about wanting to keep the party going. The others tiredly cheered for that idea though the enthusiasm was wavering. If anything, the group just wanted to crash at someone’s place.

“As long as you guys don’t throw up on my floors, you guys can come over” Kimberly suggested earning a couple whoops.

You don’t remember when but you found your eyes getting heavy. You wanted nothing more than to pass out despite your earlier declaration of being able to party till the sun rose.

“‘m tired” you mumbled.

“Almost there, love.” You sighed leaning into his side before sleep washed over you. “I got you.”

The next morning your head pounded causing you to lowly groan. You slowly blinked awake with heavy lidded eyes. What time was it? The clock on your cell phone read ten thirty, and you grimaced at the bright backdrop from the phone.

Stumbling to the bathroom, the feeling that you were about to throw up kicked in. Oh no. You hurried into the bathroom quickly kneeling before vomiting. Gross. Despite the nasty sight of bile floating in the toilet, you felt slightly better.

Taking a swig of water from the sink, you gargled and spit out the taste of the lingering vomit. It was a heavy reminder of your idiocy from the previous night. You brushed your teeth vigorously and gargled mouthwash hoping you weren’t the hottest mess of the night. Maybe Sarah did something worse than you?

Shuffling back to your room you heard voices arguing in the living room. Your head throbbed and you wondered who the hell was arguing this early. Everyone last night seemed to be on good spirits. Did someone throw up on the floor? Or worse - on another person? That would be a bitch to clean up. Except you realized the voices were two people who rarely argued.

“-would just tell her!” Tom yelled as you neared the living room.

“Just butt out!” Harrison shouted. The floor creaked as you entered the space prompting the conversation to come to a halt. Tom and Harrison glared at one another before Tom finally looked your direction. His face softened slightly, his mouth beginning to part.

“Fuckin’ leave it alone, Tom” Harrison scowled. Tom swiveled back to him and glared. The mental showdown left you concerned, but you weren’t even sure how to ask what was happening.

Harrison turned away first muttered something under his breath. Jamming on his shoes, he shook his head and left slamming the door on the way out. You couldn’t help but jolt at the brusque action.

“What’s going on?” you asked. Silence. Everyone turned away from your glance besides Kimberly who shot you a helpless smile. Clearly they couldn’t speak about the matter. At least not in front of you.

“He’s...He’s coming back, right? He’s just grabbing something from his car?” Once again you were greeted with silence. Finally Emma looked up and shook her head.

You blinked at her response. Was this your fault again? Had you messed up everything last night to the point where he couldn’t stand your presence? You swallowed thickly at the thought. You hadn’t meant to upset Harrison that much, but you didn’t think that warranted him leaving. If you upset him, shouldn’t he have told you instead of rushing out like that? No, you weren’t going to let him go without an explanation.

Without waiting you slipped on sneakers and rushed after Harrison.

The rain heavily thundered outside and crashed down onto you. You pushed your hair out of your face as you spotted him pacing back and forth on the pavement. He was already soaked but he was too lost in his thoughts. You called out his surname which prompted him to walk away.

“Harrison” you called out, scampering behind the Brit who stormed ahead. “Harrison, wait!”

He turned around looking you dead in the eye. “You realize this is the first time you’ve said my actual name, right?” The statement caught you by surprise.

“I-I’ve said your name before” you stammered, but he shook his head.

“No, you’ve always called me by my last name, Y/N. Or Lil Shit.” He smiled at this, like the times you meant to be malicious were nothing more than the use of a tender nickname. “But you’ve never called me by name. Not since we first met. And...those times.”

He didn’t have to finish his thought for you to understand his reference. What happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas, does it? Not when it came to your feelings. Your face heated up at the reminder of what occurred that night. But was he telling the truth?

You tried to recall when you last called him by his first name but none came to mind. It was as if your anger always got the best of you. You relegated him to being only a friend of a friend, nothing more nothing less. You never wanted to grant him that intimacy in your relationship. Not until recently.

Oh.

So he was right. Despite your fiery temper, your actions had always been cold as ice.

“Did it really mean nothing to you?” His question pulled you out of your thoughts.

“What?”

“That night in Vegas. Did it really mean nothing?” Fuck.

Obviously it meant something. You told yourself at the time that it was simply a fling but at what point had you realized you were lying to yourself? You chose Harrison purposely that night. You wouldn’t have kissed him so forcefully if it meant nothing. You wouldn’t have allowed that intimacy between the two of you if it meant nothing.

Because in truth he meant everything to you. All these complicated emotions, all these confusing moments, everything. They meant everything to you, and it was why you panicked that night. Because you were so terrified that it could have meant nothing to him. The idea that he wasn’t all in when you would throw everything on the line scared you. Even now this vulnerability frightened you.

“You’ve never shown commitment to anyone, Osterfield. Why would I be any different?” He cringed when you called him by his surname but fell to pieces with your question.

“You’ve always been different, Y/N! Always!” He sounded so exasperated, desperately wanting you to understand his truth. Harrison turned around shaking his head wishing he could have you understand the gravity of his emotions.

“Then why all the other girls, Osterfield? You can’t just tell me that and then pretend those other girls don’t exist. I saw-”

“Because none of them really exist to me! Not the way you do!”

He turned around, his face straining as he let out a groan.

“W-what-” It was all you could muster, caught off guard by his admission.

“How do you not get it?!” With a pained look he ran his fingers through his damp hair.

“Don’t yell at me!” And there it was again. That spitfire part of you that didn’t know how to reign in your anger. That part of you that was afraid to be serious with him.You knew this temper of yours would ruin everything yet you let it get its way.

“I’m not yelling!”

“Yes, you are!”

“No, I’m not!”

“Yes, you clearly are!”

“No, I’m- you know what? Just forget it. Forget I said-Just forget it!” he scowled as he began walking away.

A split second later he stopped with his frame shaking. He turned on his heels heading back towards you. Your heart pounded, afraid he finally snapped after dealing with your frustrating attitude for so long.

Taking his last step he was only inches away. As you were about to question him, his mouth crashed onto yours. There was desperation in the kiss, a sort of hunger to it. He cupped your face firmly but tenderly, like he didn’t want to let go but felt how fragile you were. And you almost forgot how to breathe.

Harrison gently pulled away, hands still on your face. He studied your expression, trying to get a read on you. “Harrison-” you murmured and his eyes gently shut.

Despite the cold rain pouring down on the two of you, he looked enveloped in warmth just hearing you call his name. “I like hearing that the best” he whispered.

Shakily, you brought a hand up to touch his face. He leaned into your palm, comforted by your touch. He opened his eyes and smiled tiredly at you. Harrison dropped his hands from your face, taking your hand from his own cheek. His lips brushed gently across each finger, causing you to shiver.

“I’m always thankful for you. I don’t know why you don’t get it. You’re so goddamn special. You’re on a different wavelength than anyone else, Y/N.” And with that, he let go of your hand and headed off.

tags list: @sleepybesson, @sophiatomlinson23, @supernatural-girl97, @tomhaz | @almostrosadiazz, @alt-ernativewonderland, @blackstarryroses, @bringmethehorizonandpizza, @butithasntkilledyouyet, @chims-kookies, @choke-me-sweet-pea, @deleteidentity, @divosterfields, @highladyjel, @hollandhearts, @jessiq31, @kateelyse96-blog, @kayla-m1996, @lovelytrashure, @mylifesucksbuthereiam, @otheenglishsetters, @sadnoelle, @sarcasticvodka, @sleepwalkingdragon, @soccerstud004, @spider-mendes, @thefallenbibliophilequote, @wolvesofthewinter

#harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield x you #harrison osterfield x y/n #harrison osterfield #haz osterfield x reader #haz osterfield x you #haz osterfield x y/n #haz osterfield imagine #haz osterfield #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield fanfiction #harrison osterfield fic #haz osterfield fanfiction #haz osterfield fic #my writing #fic: not so subtle

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cyb-by-lang · 6 years

Text

Shell Game (1/?)

Wherein Kei relives the worst part of any education system: standardized testing.

Seriously.

My Hero Academia crossover ahoy.

Infiltration was not a mission type Gekkō Keisuke was designed for.

Didn’t mean she didn’t have the skillset for it, no matter how she’d reached that point. Despite a Gordian knot of coincidences and at least one soul-based mishap, she was still left with a strong Nature Release specialty, immense endurance from being a jinchūriki, something of a multicultural education, and the ability to read, speak, and write English. Between the limited preparation time and the possible threat level faced by any shinobi who attempted this mission, there were only so many candidates even before dimensional travel was factored into the Hokage’s decision.

Which was why she was chosen for a very special mission to infiltrate a Japanese high school.

Hey, Isobu.

Yes?

Riddle me this: How am I, a freaking special jōnin, supposed to answer this question?

Kei, it had to be said, had not needed to compose an essay for anything in Japanese since her successful Chūnin Exam. Mission reports? Sure. Fūinjutsu write-ups? Part of the job. Proposals regarding usage of village resources for local and national problems? It cropped up on occasion, but not consistently.

Isobu’s mind peeked over her figurative shoulder.

American high schools only required students to register or be registered for coursework by their parents, as far as Kei recalled. Her actual high school years were a little vague by this point, having devolved into hallway-shaped blurs punctuated primarily by friends and trivia. Mostly friends. In Konoha, compulsory education for shinobi was less of a formal affair and more on-the-job training a thousand times over, leaving holes all over the board.

And unfortunately for Kei, Japanese, mathematics, science, social studies, and English were all required topics. Kei’s Japanese was better than some of her peers, given the emphasis her skillset placed on calligraphy and kanji, but social studies was a wash. Japanese was probably not much better, and it was followed down the drain by mathematics. Science was middling, given the problems imposed by slamming into an alternate universe with ubiquitous internet when the shinobi-ruled world barely understood radios.

But dammit, Kei at least knew some things. Even if her English was informal, she’d done her time in the appropriate school system. Time to get some use out of it.

It was just a matter of muddling along until she could get to the practical.

Why couldn’t a friggin’ hero academy of a high school just involve knocking muggers unconscious? Kei knew how to do that. Without killing anyone, even!

You were supposed to change the exponent too, said Isobu, who read the questions through Kei’s eyes.

Dammit, Kei thought, and erased her second equation. She cracked her knuckles and drew glares from the students around her, but ignored them. At least it’s not differentials. Always sucked at those.

…You know, seeing you attempt calculus at this stage would be hilarious.

Thanks a bunch, Kei told him, and got back to work.

The math test came and went. The social studies test followed suit, reminding Kei that her “peers” were working with a solid decade of education and cultural context she didn’t have. Even if she’d been truly Japanese, there was a real chance a child from her version of Japan would have failed the entire section on Quirk legislation. She probably didn’t fail science, between Isobu and Kei’s discussion method and what she could extrapolate from the briefings regarding Quirks. And English? There was something of an edge there, and Kei and her Tailed Beast buddy had ever been a pair fond of using everything at their disposal to win.

And then, the dreaded practical exam.

With Isobu acting as her live-in Jiminy Cricket, in the exact opposite way a conscience was generally supposed to work, Kei managed to tune out the DJ-like announcer for the practical examination on the big day. She had her paperwork in front of her, a mission prodding at the back of her head, and a whole room full of hero-hopefuls who were probably going to hate her in about fifteen minutes. She did listen to enough of the explanation to know how the robot targets were going to be scored, and could see some figures in the crowd start to slump for one reason or another, but ultimately the information felt extraneous.

Kei had no intention of allowing a written exam keep her from completing her mission. To that end, she would happily destroy every opponent in the examination stadium with only Water ninjutsu. It was a nice way of working off stress.

Kei filed out of the room alongside the other potential students when the intro spiel was over, taking in the crowd. She could see a wide variety of body types, features, and open fear among the examinees. Assuming any of them got in, she’d try memorizing names and faces then.

Her mission would take priority.

“You need to have a paper trail.” Sensei’s frown had been audible over the connection, probably because he had no experience with cell phones and a lot of experience with genjutsu. Not a Luddite, but really unfamiliar with tech.

“That won’t be a problem. We’ll just have her take the entrance examination along with all the other heroes-to-be.” The Mickey Mouse soundalike had given her chills, at least up until she’d realized that they actually were speaking to a talking mouse. Sensei probably would have called him a summon, but Nezu assured them that Quirks worked in mysterious ways. And he actually was a mouse. Probably.

Maybe?

“If it’s what the client wants…” Sensei’s chakra signature remained wary, but it hadn’t shown in his voice. “One academic year or until the threat is ended, whichever is shorter.”

Sort of like any warranty, really. Kind of funny in hindsight.

None of them had any real appreciation for the risks, then.

“By your command, Hokage-sama.”

And here Kei was, dressed in gym clothes for a school she’d never attended and waiting for the hammer to drop. She tapped her shoes on the ground idly, getting used to wearing something other than sandals for the first time in nearly a lifetime, just to feel a bit more prepared. The exam robots were just there for racking up combat scores on opponents who didn’t bleed. Some of the kids around her would be able to go all out. It’d be fun.

But apparently not for the kid just to her left, who looked like someone told him life was cancelled. He had his arms crossed and eyed the entrance like it was a gallows, not a set of unusually large double doors. Another kid looked like she was going to throw up from sheer nerves. Two boys were stretching, while a girl near the front of the crowd was nearly bouncing in place.

Welp. Time to blow off some steam.

“GO!” screamed the digitized voice of the cockatoo-headed announcer, and Kei went to work.

#catch your breath fanfic #my hero academia #crossover #shell game #snippets #Keisuke Gekko #Isobu

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notstars-doors · 6 years

Text

Somebody Told Me

“Dick Grayson has a new boyfriend. Or does he?”

read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15806868/chapters/36790545

~~~~

Welp, it's a fake dating AU. I caved.

Hoping to make this one a bit of a slow burn too. It's gonna be a bumpy ride ;)

(sidenote: written for @twinkothydrake because we’re both w e a k for best friends to lovers AND fake dating. Thanks to @1captainjordan4 for the plot, wouldn’t have gotten this far without ur great ideas ;) )

Enjoy!

~~~~

Ch. 1

“Did you seriously just order your third milkshake?”

“Yes?”

“Dude.”

“What? I’ll pay for it.”

“That’s not the – y’know what, I’m not gonna bother.”

Wally throws a french fry at Dick in retaliation for the sass, who snatches it out of the air a few inches from his face with a grin.

“I need the calories!”

“In the form of milkshakes?”

“Yes!”

“I feel like there are better ways to get your calorie intake.”

“Easier? Maybe. Better? Not a chance.”

Dick rolls hi s eyes, dunking the caught French fry in some ketchup before popping it in his mouth. “You need professional help.”

It’s Saturday afternoon, and for the first time in weeks, the two of them have managed to wrangle their schedules into some semblance of order to spend a day together. It’s weird, not being able to spend time with Wally these days. With Wally in college and Dick himself finishing up high school, they’ve got so much on their plates that they never get to see each other outside of missions. As great as missions are, sometimes you just need to shoot the shit with your best friend.

Especially when your best friend is as hot as Wally West.

Dick shakes that thought out of his mind. That is not a place he wants to go right now, with Wally sitting right there – looking like red headed Adonis with an easy smile and kind green eyes and-

Shit.

“-and you know what, I checked with Uncle Barry, and the sugar goes through me so fast that I don’t have to worry about diabetes or anything like that, so you should really-… Dude, you good?”

Dick blinks. Wally’s giving him a concerned stare, an eyebrow raised in question. Dick shakes his head again, realizing Wally’s been talking this entire time and he’s just been watching him like a lovesick idiot.

He is not a lovesick idiot.

Dick licks his lips, tasting salt and the sweetness of ketchup as he tries not to swallow his own tongue in embarrassment.

“Yeah, just trying not vomit over your eating habits.”

Wally scowls, tossing another fry at him. This one hits Dick square on the nose, and Wally whoops in victory, fists in the air. Dick rolls his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh that’s really one of relief.

“So, catch me up!” Wally leans back on his side of the old diner booth, resting an elbow on the edge of the cushion. “What’s the life of Dick Grayson been like for the last two months?”

“Honestly? Pretty boring.” Dick shrugs. He fiddles with the big paper straw in his own milkshake, swirling around the last dregs of pink foam at the bottom of the glass. “Senior year is kinda kicking my ass, so Bruce has been steadily shoving that stick further up his own because of it. He’s called me off a couple patrol shifts recently because exams are coming up, which is completely unnecessary.”

Wally frowns. “You doin’ okay?”

“Yeah, just a matter of multitasking.”

“You sure?”

“I can handle it.” Dick slides the glass to the edge of the table to be picked up by a server. “What about you? The end of your sophomore year, how’s that going?”

It’s Wally’s turn to shrug. “Not much to tell, really. Second year isn’t as interesting as first.”

“No house fires?”

“Nope.”

“Keg parties?”

“With my roommates? Nah.”

“Walks of shame?”

Wally’s face drops into a deadpan. “I’m a physics major.”

Dick cocks an eyebrow. “With the body of superhero.”

“That no one ever sees because I’m a physics major.”

Dick snorts, tossing another French fry in his mouth. “You need to get out more, dude.”

Wally scoffs. “Says the biggest fuckin’ hermit I know.”

“Excuse me!” He smacks his palm against his chest in mock offense. “Haven’t you read the Gotham Gazette? Or Seventeen magazine? I spend every night out on the town, going wild with several lovely ladies on my arms, don’t’cha know.”

“You?” Wally bursts into laughter, arms folding on the table and burying his face in the crook of his elbow and his body shakes in hysterics.

“I’m a Teen Heartthrob.”

“Pfft-”

“I’m Gotham’s second-most eligible bachelor.”

“Second to who?”

“Bruce.”

“Ew!”

“Yeah.”

Wally shudders, sitting up straight and nodding a ‘thank you’ to their server as she places his new vanilla milkshake in front of him. “That’s… wrong, on so many levels.”

“Yeah well, I’m eighteen now.” Dick shrugs again, not missing the flirtatious smile the girl sends his way as she picks up his empty glass. “They can say what they want. Not that they were stingy with their words before.”

“Gross…” Wally sticks his tongue out in distaste before taking a sip. “I don’t know how you deal with being a… celebrity. It’s weird.”

“You get used to it.”

“I never could.”

“It’s not like you haven’t shown up in the tabs with me before.”

Wally, to Dick’s surprise, chokes on his milkshake, sputtering white liquid over his side of the table. Dick recoils from the onslaught, sliding their fries out of the way in the same motion.

“What?!”

Dick laughs and rips a few napkins out of the silver container at the side of the table, wiping up it down as the ginger stares him incredulously. “Dude, you’re a mess.”

“Wha- how?” Wally blinks a few times, eyes wide in disbelief. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve got milkshake dribbling down your chin.”

“Dick!”

“It’s gross.”

Wally snatches a napkin out of his hand, wiping it over his face haphazardly. How Dick fell in love with this idiot, he’ll never know.

“Would you please explain to me how this happened.”

“Dude, you’re my best friend. People see us together in public, it happens.”

“Yeah, but tabloids?”

“Do you not use social media ever?”

“Physics major!”

“Not an excuse!”

Wally flops his head down on the table with a ‘smack’, barely missing the puddle of milkshake on his right. Dick rolls his eyes. They’ve had this conversation one too many times before.

“What… what do they say?”

“Well-” Dick runs a hand through his hair, wondering where to start. “Most of the time people think we’re dating.”

“Really?”

“I mean I came out a couple years ago and we usually spend a lot of time together. It’s not an unreasonable conclusion.”

Wally’s quiet for a moment, then lifts his head to give Dick a questioning look. “But they also write about you being with a bunch of girls?”

“I never said they were smart.”

He snickers, resting his chin on the tabletop. “You got me there.”

Dick picks up a few more French fries and stuffs them into his mouth, then slides the basket under Wally’s nose. “Here, finish this. We’ve got the rest of the day, let’s not waste it.”

“But my milkshake!”

“Chug it.”

“But-! Brain-freeze!”

“Don’t be a baby.”

Wally pouts, then proceeds to shove the rest of the fries in his mouth and start slurping down the milkshake. Luckily, he’d already drank (and spat up) half of it, so it only takes him a few seconds to finish.

Dick slides a fifty under the salt shaker, knowing it’ll cover more than both bills combined and probably make their server’s day. Wally cradles his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose as a pained grimace crosses his face.

“Urgh… I can’t believe you made me do that.”

“Oh, because you protested so much.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“You knew that when you got into this friendship, too late to back out now.”

Wally cuffs Dick over the back of the head as they slide out of the diner booth, which Dick responds to by shoving him into the chrome railing of the bar top. Wally bangs his hip on the edge and yelps in pain, catching the attention everyone in the diner.

Including the manager, who glares at them from behind the bar.

Uh oh.

Dick gives her a sheepish grin and a wave, trotting speedily out of the restaurant with Wally hot on his heels.

They barely get outside before Wally’s pushing Dick over in revenge. He laughs, righting himself easily and prodding Wally in the side.

“Hey! No tickle spots!”

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

“Unreliable source.” Dick pokes him again.

“Mmn- haa- nno!” Wally leaps out of Dick’s reach, waving his arms protectively in front of him. “Illegal!”

Dick grins wickedly, wiggling his fingers. “You realize that just makes it much more tempting.”

“Do not touch my-” Wally pauses, twisted at an odd angle to stay out to Dick’s reach, looking curiously at something behind him.

Dick turns to see what he’s looking at, and finds a group of paparazzi snapping photos of them from across the sheet. His grin falls from his lips, replaced with a sneer of displeasure.

“Great…”

When Dick turns back to Wally, he’s standing normally again – if a little stiff. He looks pretty uncomfortable, and Dick immediately feels awful for dragging him into this. It’s not like he has a choice, really, but he hates that Wally is being forced into the situation.

He grabs Wally’s wrist and starts pulling him away from the crowd. “Just don’t pay attention.”

“Those are some big cameras.”

“Stop looking.”

“They actually dress like sleazebags, I thought that was just in the movies.”

“Wally!”

“What? I’ve never seen them up close before.”

“They’re not endangered animals, they’re paps.”

“Paps? Who are you?”

“I’m someone who’s been living with this for nine years.”

“Jesus…”

Wally cranes his neck over his shoulder to glance at the photographers again, who have crossed the street to follow them, so Dick yanks a little harder on his arm as he picks up the pace.

“Would you quit it!?”

“I can’t help it! It’s like a car crash, you can’t not look.”

“I’m having a very easy time not looking.”

“You’re immune, you’ve seen too many car crashes.”

“Wally!”

He finally turns around again, to Dick’s relief. If they ignore them long enough, and act boring enough, they usually go away. It’s only when Dick has to do something drastic that they ever pay any real attention.

Dick sneaks a glance at Wally, who’s staring ahead with an odd look on his face. He figures it’s some measure of discomfort still; Wally’s eyes are tight in the corners, his lips pressed together in a line. There’s a pang in Dick’s chest at the sight, and he’s about to offer some words of comfort, before Wally moves without warning.

He snaps his head back to glance at the paparazzi again, which Dick is about to snap at him for, then suddenly slings his arm around Dick’s shoulders. Wally pulls him closer, practically plastering him to his side, and presses his face into Dick’s dark hair to plant a kiss on the top of his head. Dick tenses up instantly, red to the tips of his ears.

It’s not like Wally’s never held him before, but it’s not often that he’s this openly affectionate.

“What are you doing?” Dick hisses through clenched teeth. “Do you want to fuel those rumors?”

Wally shrugs, glancing down and winking at Dick so quickly he almost doesn’t catch it. It sends Dick’s heart leaping into his throat. “Why not?”

Dick’s jaw drops in surprise, feeling Wally’s hand start to trace circles on the back of his shoulder, sending shivers down his spine. “But-”

Suddenly, the sound of camera shutters gets a lot louder, the paparazzi catching up with them.

“Mr. Grayson!”

“Dick, who’s your new beau?”

“Turn around!”

“What’s your name, kid?”

Dick bites his tongue, knowing he’s going to regret doing this, before curling his own arm around Wally’s waist. He’s doing it so he can pull his friend along faster, which he does, but he knows it’s just going to make them more bloodthirsty.

The cameras start snapping faster.

“Dick, are you dating now?”

“How long have you been together?”

“You have a thing for redheads?”

Dick pushes down the urge to turn around and give them a mouthful, just walking a bit faster. Wally matches his pace easily, still glancing over his shoulder. Dick doesn’t have the energy to stop him anymore.

Wally leans a little closer. “I have an idea…”

“Because your last one was so great…”

“Promise not to hate me?”

“Too late.”

“Fair enough.”

“Don’t you da-!”

Wally turns to the paparazzi, flashing a charming smile over his shoulder. “Mr. Grayson isn’t taking questions right now.”

“Dude, what are you-”

Without warning (again), Wally bends down and scoops Dick into his arms, who yelps in surprise as his feet leave the ground. The paparazzi go wild, snapping pictures as fast as they can, but Wally’s already taken off down the street.

Dick throws his arms around Wally’s neck to hold on, staring at his friend in a mix of amusement and outrage. “You asshole!”

Wally grins, shaking his hair out of his eyes as he picks up the pace. He’s running just fast enough that the photographers can’t catch up, but not so fast that it’s in-human. His eyes are glinting with mischief and Dick is trying really hard not to love that.

“You love me.”

“Not anymore.” His red cheeks and rapid heart beat definitely don’t contradict that sentence.

Wally turns a corner, and Dick glances over his shoulder to peek at the paparazzi. They’re falling way behind now. “Hurtful. I just saved you from your crazed fans.”

“You’ve made it so much worse.”

“Not like it means anything, they can think what they want.” Wally’s grip gets a little tighter around Dick’s legs. “They gone yet?”

Dick takes another peek. “Almost. Turn left into that alley.”

Wally skids around the corner, taking them into the shadows. The paparazzi disappear around the corner, unable to keep up with Wally’s long legs.

“You’re good.”

“Ready?”

“Go.”

Dick ducks his head against Wally’s collarbone as the world blurs around him, the speedster carrying him taking off like a shot. He doesn’t know where they’re going – he hopes it’s out of the city – but he’s accepted his fate at this point. No way of arguing with Wally West when he’s got an idea.

It’s not like it’s an awful place to be – cradled in Wally’s arms.

Not that Dick will ever admit that.

When the world finally comes to a halt, they’re standing in another alley. Still in Gotham, from the looks of the grungy walls towered over them, but probably on the other side of the city. Dick would know exactly where if they were on a rooftop, but the ground is where Wally’s expertise lies.

“Think we lost them.”

“Nooo, really?” Dick rolls his eyes, wriggling in Wally’s arms to be let down. Wally drops his hold on Dick’s legs, letting his feet touch the floor before uncurling his arm from around Dick’s side.

Dick does not mourn the loss of Wally’s touch. He doesn’t.

“We’re at a zeta, if you wanna get out of Gotham.” Wally stretches his arms over his head, his shoulders cracking with a satisfying ‘pop’.

Dick looks around and finds a decrepit old phonebooth at the end of the alleyway that they’ve both used many times before. Dick knows exactly where they are now.

He turns to his best friend, crossing his arms and giving him a very unimpressed look. “You do realize that you’ve now made your life a living hell.”

Wally cocks an eyebrow. “Why?”

“They’ll never leave you alone.”

“Nah, it’ll blow over.”

“It won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

Wally shrugs, slipping his hands into his pockets. “So, they think we’re dating. What’s the big deal?”

Dick’s eyes narrow, processing that question for a minute and trying to swallow the lump that just leapt into his throat.

What the hell does that mean?

“I mean. I guess there isn’t one. But you’ll be beating them off with a stick within a week.”

“That’s fine.”

“You’re gonna hate it.”

“Okay.”

Dick can’t quite get how Wally is so fine this. Ten minutes ago, he’d been saying he couldn’t stand being in the spotlight. Now, he’s totally nonchalant.

Dick is very chalant right now.

He pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “Alright. But don’t forget, you did this to yourself.”

Wally chuckles, running a hand through his hair. Cool as a cucumber. “I know.”

Dick can’t decide if he wants to strangle him or kiss him. He smothers down both impulses, moving instead to shove Wally aside as he makes his way to the Zeta point.

“Hey!” Wally catches himself against the wall, pushing himself upright and jogging up behind him. “Aren’t you gonna thank me?”

“Thank you?”

“You’re welcome.”

Dick smacks his arm. “What on earth would I thank you for?”

“Getting you away from the paps, of course.”

“I’m gonna kill you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Wanna bet?”

“But I’m your hero- mmnh! Hey! No tickle spots!”

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inknerd · 5 years

Text

January Wrap-Up 2019

The first month of 2019 is over! So unreal. I passed an exam I thought for sure I’d fail but also got my phone and debit card stolen. I finished my first term at uni and have started to make friends there, which is fun! I read quite a bit this month and I’m so excited for what I should read next. There’s just! So many!

AIR AWAKENS by ELISE KOVA ★☆☆☆☆ | 330 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2015

Welp, not the best start of my reading this year, I’ll admit. This is one of those moments were I’m seriously confused why a book has such a high rating on goodreads. Like, I understand why you would sort of like it, I guess, but 4 stars? No. + I dig the cover. As soon as I saw it and read the description I thought to myself that ‘maybe this book would remind me of Avatar: The Last Airbender?’ Obviously, it did not, but the cover is still pretty. - Just...the main character was so meek and the rest of the cast was frustrating at best and boring at worst (the love interest(s) I swear to god...). The plot, the worldbuilding and the magic system were pretty non-existent or badly explained, and I found the writing lacking. I feel like this book should have been longer in order to be what it wanted to be.

THE LION, THE WITCH AND THE WARDROBE by C.S. LEWIS ★★★☆☆ | 183 pages | 1 day to read | Published 1950

Finally took the time to read this! I’m planning to read the entire series...eventually. + I love the world of Narnia and this book gave me a bit more insight compared to the movies, which was nice! It was a quick and fun read. - The characters, while I didn’t dislike them, seemed very flat and/or different from how I perceived them before. I prefer the movie in general, as a matter of fact.

THE HORSE AND HIS BOY by C.S. LEWIS ★★★☆☆ | 221 pages | 3 days to read | Published 1954

I didn’t know anything about this going into it - mainly because this don’t have a movie of its own. But I was pleasantly surprised, and if I hadn’t loved the Pevensies and their story as much before reading their book, I would probably say this book is slightly better? + The characters have more deep in this one, and overall the story is pretty fun? Like, it’s about two talking horses and two children trying to run away to Narnia, together with cameos from the Pevensies. I liked it. - The story in this, more than The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe dragged a little more, and, along with the first book, made me realise I don’t really like Aslan that much. lol.

FIRE & HEIST by SARAH BETH DURST ★★☆☆☆ | 304 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2018

I got this in a fairyloot box and didn’t really know what to think of it...I was intruiged by were-dragons but then the story took place in modern times which wasn’t what I’d hoped for. In the end I read through this pretty quickly, skimming a bit. + Were-dragons. Very cool idea. The writing could be funny and witty at times. - I wasn’t interested in the story at all; it went from planning a heist to travel to another dimension and I just wasn’t up for it. The characters were pretty boring as was the romance. The book was too short to have such a large cast, in my opinion.

FOR EVERY ONE by JASON REYNOLDS ★★★★☆ | 112 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2018

I hadn’t really planned to read this, per se. But I got the free ebook and was like, “eh, it’s short. Let’s go”, and I’m happy that I did. + I really liked the poem in itself and the way it looked against the pages. - Now that I think back though, the poem might be a bit forgettable?

THE GIVER by LOIS LOWRY ★★★★☆ | 225 pages | 1 day to read | Published 1993

Don’t know why I suddenly wanted to read this. It’s been like this book that I’ve passed at the store and the library for years and I’ve never wanted to pick it up and I had no clue what it was about. But, suddenly I wanted to read it and I’m glad I did. + I liked the themes and the worldbuilding the most. Despite having a couple of years on it, and despite being a dystopia, it felt surprisingly fresh? It had this feeling of magical realism that I dig, and the characters were fine, too. - I can’t say I understand the ending...like at all.

GATHERING BLUE by LOIS LOWRY ★★★☆☆ | 241 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2000

I’m planning to read this entire series, so here we go! + Once again I liked the worldbuilding, especially how Lowry seems to play with different types of communities so that you can see different types of humans react in extreme situations. - And also once again, can’t say I liked the ending. While I understood it this time, it seemed kind of...cheap? Can’t say I liked one of the plot twists that much, either.

MESSENGER by LOIS LOWRY ★★★☆☆ | 187 pages | 2 days to read | Published 2004

+ This tied the first and second book together somewhat nicely. The best part of it I think was that it explained the ending of both The Giver and Gathering Blue, and the continued social commentary was still interesting - and very relevant today, as well. - This followed a character from the Gathering Blue that I didn’t care for that much, and there were many things that I wanted to know more of, like the sinister force invading the land etc. The ending was sort of, okay? But maybe I’ll understand it more after reading the fourth book, like I did with the first and second one.

TEMPESTS AND SLAUGHTER by TAMORA PIERCE ★★★★☆ | 465 pages | 3 days to read | Published 2018

I was so excited for this book because Wild Magic is my jam, and Numair was one of my favourite characters. I liked this book more than I thought I would! + I really love Pierce’s world and magic system, very believable and interesting at the same time! I also got way more insight into Arram’s character and abilities, and also grew to appreciate characters like Varice, that I didn’t really care for when reading the Immortals series. - I can imagine this book not being as interesting for someone who isn’t at least a bit familiar with Tortall and the characters already? There wasn’t much action and not really that much of a plot either; the book could definitely drag sometimes, though I’m very excited to see what happens next!

AMERICAN PANDA by GLORIA CHAO ★★★☆☆ | 311 pages | 1 day to read | Published 2018

I got the free ebook and decided, why not? + It’s always interesting to read about different cultures than your own, and this centrainly gave some insight into a teenager who doesn’t really know where she’s heading. - The story could get a bit weird sometimes? Like I don’t know how to explain it but sometimes people just reacted strangely to what other people said, or just straight up walked away. And then there was an odd mix of dramatic moments and clichés that I didn’t like, and the characters overall where meh, with the main romance not being that interesting.

WINTERSONG by S. JAE-JONES ★★☆☆☆ | 436 pages | 3 days to read | Published 2017

I wanted to read this book so much, even though I’d heard mixed/negative feelings about it. But it was inspired by Labyrinth, one of my favourite movies, and Goblin Market, one of my favourite poems, so how could I NOT read it? + There’s a lot of quotes and allusions from both Labyrinth and Goblin Market, and they all made me so happy! Like, there were straight up lines from the movie like “I’m tired of living up to your expectations” and there was the Market scene in the beginning of the book - I would read this book again for them, because I’m a nerd. - And that’s...it, with good things I’m afraid. I just didn’t like the story but I could have dealed with that if the characters weren’t so horrible. The main character couldn’t go two pages without mentioning or complaining of how not-pretty she was and I get that it was part of the theme but it just made me want to strangle her.

SAWKILL GIRLS by CLAIRE LEGRAND ★★★★☆ | 450 pages | 10 days to read | Published 2018

I started reading this just when I had a paper I had to do, so I put it off for a bit and then flew through it in like two days. + Just... very good representation in general. Bi people! Ace people! There were several one-liners I really liked, the supporting characters were nice and the overall feeling was creepy and magical. A nice book! - There were some things I wished were explored more about the world and the monsters living in it, and some of the main characters decisions felt somewhat strange to me and also reactions to certain people dying felt pretty awkward at times. Otherwise, it was good.

COLLECTED POEMS by KARIN BOYE ★★★★★ | 286 pages | 3 days to read | Published 2015 (1950)

Slowly making my way through some Swedish poets. I’m very happy I read this collection in particular, it was such a good one! + Rather than using tabs I underlined and wrote on the pages, which proved very effective. The thing with poetry collections, and especially longer ones, is that I always run into parts where I don’t like the poems as much/get bored, but I didn’t have this issue with Boye, most were really great! - I don’t really have anything negative to say.

THE NIGHTINGALE by KRISTIN HANNAH ★★★★☆ | 440 pages | 3 days to read | Published 2015

I’d heard quite a lot about this and how good it were, which made me curious! + It has a nice pace, the characters are interesting; especially because you get to see two different sides of the war, yet those sides also interlap. - I wasn’t ecstatic about the ending. Somehow the characters felt like they got more one-dimensional? And it felt almost preachy at times.

#reading wrap-up #reading wrap-up: january 2019 #book review #book reviews #julia reads

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