#when my brother and me were adults mom told us how much she hated the pictures we drew and brought home from kindergarten

[elya7sstuff]

✦͙͙͙*͙*𝕮𝖆𝖊𝖑𝖚𝖒 | 𝟎𝟐 ⁎∗❥⃝**͙✦͙͙͙

❖ ── ✦ ──『𝙲𝚊𝚎𝚕𝚞𝚖 {𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗} = 𝚂𝚔𝚢』── ✦ ── ❖

↬𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢 | 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝙹𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚎𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑

↬𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 | 𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝙹𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚗 𝚡 𝚏!𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝚏𝚝. 𝚔𝚒𝚖 𝚜𝚎𝚘𝚔𝚓𝚒𝚗 𝚡 𝚏!𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚓𝚎𝚘𝚗 𝚓𝚞𝚗𝚐𝚔𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚡 𝚏! 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

↬𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎 | 𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎, 𝚋𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜, idiots to lovers, 𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚝, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚜𝚕𝚘𝚠 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗, 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚎 𝚊𝚞, indecisive reader, mentions of (and/or) cheating, mentions and/or use of substances (alcohol/drugs)

↬𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 | 🔞 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚍𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝!

↬𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 | 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚐𝚎

↬𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 | 2.7k+

❖ ── ✦ ── ◈ • • • ❀ ❖ ❀ • • • ◈ ── ✦ ── ❖

"Okay. First I'll show you around campus cause we have like an hour before classes start."

Jimin is always so kind and considerate. He's beautiful inside-out. That's why I chose him to be the closest person to me besides my family. He's like the older brother I never had.

It's not like I haven't met other good people and friends or anything, it's just that nobody could make me trust them as much as I trust him. So I kinda drifted apart from everyone from throughout my school life. Almost everyone went to different universities and colleges as well so there wasn't any reason for me to keep in touch with my classmates in the first place.

Suddenly Jimin's previous words struck me.

"Wait, what?! A whole hour? Why are we here so early then? And you were insisting we'd be late as well like my mother did! Did you and her have this whole thing planned to wake me up an hour earlier so that I can see around? Cause she's the one who told me what time to set my alarm at! And I don't care if I'm gonna get lost! And I'm telling you if this was a plan I'm going to pluck your eyes out. And that would be too much of a hustle on my very first day!"

SMACK

He slaps me at the back of my head.

"Ow- What was that for?!" I pout and rub the back of my head even though the slap wasn't nearly hard enough. He always makes sure he's gentle with me.

"Idiot! Do you really think I'd plan something like that? I was awaken by my own mother as well so I didn't realize what time it was until it was too late. What kind of friend do you take me for huh? Plus if we didn't have time for me to show you around you'd be late anyway seeing as you'd surely gotten lost, dumbo."

"Well, you can't blame me. I know you already. You'd do anything to tease me and it's not like it'd be the first time you planned something behind my back-"

"Oh hush already. It's clear what has happened here. Our moms planned this behind both our backs. So kindly put a sock in it and let me show you around."

"Tsk, fine you tyrant. Oh, I'm so going to make a huge deal out of this. I could have slept one hour extra! You know what an extra hour of sleep can do to me?" I pout even more than before. I'm honestly pissed cause sleep is something sacred to me that I can't get easily.

"If it'll make you stop whining like a 5 y/o then I'll complain about it as well, so it doesn't happen again. So stop arguing with me about it please. Also, don't you always go on about how you're a legal adult now and stuff? So deal with it 'miss grown up'." Well, touché. That Park Jimin and his good comebacks. I choose not to talk back further and follow his lead with an exasperated gush of air leaving my lips. Tsk, I hate it when I can't argue back with him.

Jimin has my hand in his, walking down some aisles as he takes his time to explain where some important classes are, which according to his words I'd definitely be needing to pin point.

What seems like half an hour of walking about campus goes by surprisingly not painfully, the reason probably being the fact that Jimin is my tour guide. Now we have come to a halt outside of the cafeteria as he tries to fish something from his back pocket which I'm assuming is his phone.

"Uh, why did we stop here? I desperately need a heavy dose of caffeine Jiminie, come on!"

I try to pull him inside but he instead stops me in my tracks, pulling me back to my previous place all while he's successful at getting his cellphone out to reply to some texts.

"Shush beautiful, I've got you covered."

I blink in confusion and open my mouth to protest but he shushes me once more as he texts away using only his one hand seeing as he refuses to let go of mine.

"Okay, who made you the shush master?"

Rolling his eyes at me, Jimin simply awaits for my silence before tucking his phone back in his pocket and speaking up.

"Now if you've had enough, behave cause I want you to meet some very important people."

"Who?"

He drags me by the hand inside the cafeteria, not even making the effort to answer my question. This boy needs to stop dragging me around like I'm some kind of potato sack.

"Curiosity killed the cat." He says that with a mischievous smile. Should I be scared? Whenever Jimin has that particular smile plastered across his face, he's planning something fishy. But since it's not like I have a choice for now I'll just follow.

We seaze in our tracks once more as a group of boys head in our direction.

Well hope in humanity has been restored for me. I've never seen such good looking guys all in one place, totally out of my league too. My mind goes blank. I've been battling with Jimin's beauty for years before I became somewhat used to facing him without reducing years of beating from my poor heart, especially after he went through puberty and came out victorious. But now, face to face with such good looks gathered all in one place I'm starting to question what life is once again as I feel like my heart won't be functioning well if they choose to further linger around us.

Okay, I should calm my tits. I think I'm actually drooling right now.

"Guys! Hey!"

Wait. No. He did not just call out to them. Are these boys the important people I'm supposed to meet? If I knew that I'd have dressed better or maybe applied some make up so that my face wouldn't have have the colour of a corpse.

They see him and speed up their walking. Kill me now or I'll have a stroke I swear. Feels like I've never been in the presence of men before. Well you can't blame me, I certainly haven't been in the presence of godly looking creatures like them. I hastily attempt to fix my unruly curls and look somewhat presentable. Seriously if someone looks our way I'm definitely ruining the picture.

"Hey Jiminie."

Jiminie? I thought only I called him that. Oh wait.. Might they be those friends of his he'd never stop talking about from the day we first met? I beg the whole universe to be them. They look so much different than their childhood pictures Jimin has showed me before, their glow up is insane. Who knew that Jimin would have hidden these rare specimens from me?

"Hyung! Guys! How've you been? Haven't seen you in a while all of you."

I'm actually speechless. It is them. Now if my heart stops beating I'll at least go in bliss.

"Well we just met again at the front gate. We actually haven't seen each other in a long time as well. You know we all kinda came back from our individual vacations a few days ago like you, so we've only talked on the phone when we had our video call a few days ago."

"I see. Well now we can all catch up with each other, we'll be living together so we have all the time we want. Oh by the way, I have gathered the last of my stuff so I can move in today." He says and wraps his one arm casually over the shoulder of the older male.

"Finally!" The other boys all smiled as they exchanged hugs and hand shakes, greeting each other heartily. God-striking beauty is the least I can say about this group before me as I watch their interaction taking place right before my lucky eyes.

Meanwhile I'm just standing here looking at them in awe like some tourist admiring statues at a museum. I'm totally mesmerized by them. And together with Jimin they make a highly hazardous sight. How to have a heart attack 101: 'Look at Jimin's group of friends for more than 5 seconds'. Why am I even standing this close to them? I shouldn't be entitled to. Now all of my self confidence has left the building.

Being lost in my own world I stare into oblivion but I'm pulled back by Jimin suddenly shaking my arm.

"Y/N. Y/N! Are you even listening?" I feel another light tug on my shoulder and blink a few times.

I snap out of my thoughts and turn my head only to see seven beautiful pair of eyes staring at me. And I blush profoundly. Great.

"Ohh yeah. Sorry. I was just a little distracted I guess, haha." I akwardly laugh at myself before covering the dry sound by clearing my throat. Shoot me. Shoot me now. I must be looking like a complete dork.

"Right, well then let me introduce you to my bros. Guys this is my very best 'female' friend Y/N who you all know by now. She's a freshman as well. Y/N, I finally present to you Seokjin hyung, Yoongi hyung, Hoseok hyung, Namjoon hyung, Taehyung and Jungkook."

"Uh, nice to meet you all." I subtly raise my hand to wave in a form of a greeting which in all honesty would look painful from a third point of view. I also don't forget to stutter and say my line in a squeaky voice adding more points to my score of 'wanting to burry myself alive moments' of today. Has all my feminine charm nullified by these boys? What kind of sorcery is this? It's Jimin's power multiplied!

"Oh you're a freshman too, just like our Jungkookie. It's so nice to finally meet you. Jiminie has talked a lot about you!"

The one who's now speaking to me despite me having a man repellent in effect at the moment, whose name is Namjoon if I'm not mistaken, has the cutest pair dimples adorning his smiling cheeks, giving a boyish charm to his bulky exterior.

"Oh has he really? All good stuff I hope."

"Heh, of course all good don't you worry. It's so good to finally see you in the flesh. All we've ever seen are photos of you which, if I'm being honest, do you no justice." The one called Seokjin takes my hand and raises it to his lips, planting a soft kiss on the back of it. Did he just compliment me? The version of me before him? I'm dead.

He's seriously good looking. Like, really good looking like, model material good looking. A crimson blush must have adorned my whole face by now but I attempt to pull myself together, all the while I catch out of the corner of my eye Jimin glaring at Seokjin shortly after his action of nobility. Yet he chooses to purse his lips together in a tight line and not comment on it.

"Ahem, likewise! Though, I'm sorry but Jimin has only shown me pictures of you guys when you were little so I couldn't really recognize you from the get go. He's told me a whole lot, but never shown me a recent photo your faces, so I'm a little at a disadvantage here I guess."

"Really? What, were we like a surprise or something Jimin? Or were you ashamed of your friends you little brat? Hmm even if that's the case, no worries love. You'll have all the time in the world to get to know us very well." Does that sound a bit suggestive or what? Whatever, with a face like that he can imply anything he wants.

"I just didn't think it was necessary to show her your ugly faces hyung." Seokjin turns to Jimin and flicks his forehead to which Jimin responds with a loud 'ouch' and I snort in amusement along with the rest of the boys. They surely have interesting dynamics.

"Hehe, Jin hyung's right, we all want to get to know you as well. Jimin has always bragged about you so we were really curious to meet you face to face. Hey, by the way, do you want to see an elephant?"

"A what?" I blink in confusion, thinking it might be some kind of inside joke I'm not aware of or something. As if on queue the grinning boy raises his left sleeve and pinches the skin between two little moles on his arm creating an imaginary shape of an elephant's face.

"I- wha- pffft!" I'm at a complete loss for words at the bizarre yet adorable situation unfolding before me and I can't help but snort, quickly covering my mouth so as to not sound like I'm offending him. It's just that it's such a cutely dumb joke.

"God Tae stop being weird, the poor girl just met us." Though Yoongi -I think that's he's name- says that to probably help me out, I don't really mind Taehyung at all, his apparent weirdness is frankly endearing. But when he tries to complain the older boy slaps him at the back of his head seemingly gently. Huh, I like him too. He seems savage and blunt. He'll be my new spirit animal for sure.

"Sorry about him. He tends to be like that but he means no harm so you'll just have to get used to it. I'm really glad to meet you though. If anyone bothers you make sure to let me know ok? Everyone in this campus kinda fears me so just use my name and you'll most likely have people at your feet." He smirks in confidence and if I was a cartoon my eyes would have turned into stars.

His feline eyes are so sharp giving off the feeling that they could read your very soul with just one look. Another amazing quality. I'll tell him to teach me his ways at some point.

"Err, thank you Yoongi, that might be the best thing anyone has ever offered me so I'll definitely keep that in mind. Don't complain though if I have you cleaning up after me in the future, you can't take it back now. And it's a pleasure to meet you too." I smile cheekily at him trying my best to sound as cool as him.

"Hey. I'm Jungkook, it's so nice to meet you in person Y/N." Jungkook, who's at my age greets me a little shyly, the placement of his palm at the back of neck betraying him. What strikes me about this boy in not only his handsome face but also how sweet he sounds, projecting a gentle nature that resembles Jimin's. The latter has mentioned many times before that the youngest of their group possesses the kindest of hearts and just by looking in his big sparky eyes I can totally back that.

Nonetheless, as I now take a better look at him, his muscles are bigger than my future and his tattoos give him a bad boy exterior which I can't lie, suits him as well. Yet his eyes are almost baby-like, a duality that can be dangerous for the faint hearted, including myself.

Sigh, I'm already going nuts due to these boys. Shit, I need to regain some of my ground.

"Hello Jungkook! Jimin had told me so much about you and since we're in the same year, let's hang out and look out for each other." I offer him my hand politely and he shakes it as a smile forms on his lips making his cute bunny teeth show. Goodness he's gorgeous.

"Oh, s-sure! Of course we should! I'm a man after all, so you can count on me." He flexes his muscles a bit and I think I'm actually drooling. Hmm, maybe that's his own kind of mating call. Should I reciprocate it maybe..? Okay stop Y/N! What is actually wrong with me? Am I this thirsty?

"Uh-huh, yeah sure Kook. You're a man, pfft. More like an oversized Easter bunny." Jimin snorts and rolls his eyes.

They all laugh, teasing the younger boy and I can't hold my chuckles in either. They sure look like they share an amazing bond. It's admirable and I do hope I can bond with them too after I successfully plant the seeds of friendship between us.

"Hey hey, stop laughing, I'm being serious! Y/N don't listen to them, okay? I'm a man of my word."

"Ok ok Jungkook, I believe you. Even if you do look like an oversized, albeit hot, Easter bunny you're still way bigger than me so I'll be counting on you. But you know you can count on me as well, it should work both ways since we'll be friends." I pat his shoulder, already feeling closer to him. His eyes turn even bigger for a second before he clears his throat and peers at me for a moment.

"Oh uh, ahem, here! Jimin hyung told me to get you this." A little blush creeps up on his smooth skin as he hands me a large cup of Starbucks coffee and I swear I can see a halo forming over his head, courtesy of Jimin of course.

"Oh my, thank you so much, you're a star Jungkook!" I receive the coffee from him and take a sip, happier now that I find it's black, exactly how I prefer it. I pat Jungkook's head in gratitude before turning to my best friend not being able to see the maknae's reaction.

"And of course thank you too Jiminie, you're my life saver!" I reach up to place a little peck on his cheek to which he smiles brightly and rubs my back in circles.

"You're welcome beautiful. You didn't think I'd leave you like that, did you?" To answer his question I turn my head sideways quickly making him chuckle at my vigorous denial.

"Ahem. Well Y/N, as you can probably tell Jimin hyung has already assigned me as your personal bodyguard. He wouldn't stop calling me all summer to remind me again and again that I'll have to chase away every possible threat towards you. I swear, he was acting like an overprotective mother." The robust boy smiles slyly, taking his revenge as Jimin told him off. Hehe, he seems like such a tease. I already love him.

"Oh I can totally back that up! Jiminie wouldn't stop pestering poor Kook and had him memorize a list of duties and a strict protocol he has to follow around you." Hoseok shakes his as he pats the maknae's shoulders morally supporting him making the rest agree.

"Hey! Y'all making me sound like I put Kook through a military training camp. Y/N, pay their words no heed, they're actually tripping. I've only mentioned it like, once or twice."

Before I could answer and voice out my doubts, cause I know how Jimin can be, Taehyung beats me to it.

"Right.. Sure, keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better Jiminie." Then out of nowhere they both start bickering back and forth making me speechless as to how quickly they broke out an argument and thank goodness Namjoon immediately swoops in to tell them off for being immature.

"Ahem, well either way I've already accepted the role so no worries Y/N. I've endured extensive training for this!"

I can only giggle at Jungkook pumping up his chest and deepening his voice to look more manly which only makes him look cuter. Sure he's muscular but his adorable face makes it hard for me to not coo at him.

Overall, they are such a funny and sweet group, their interactions and divergence of characters creating a unique overture of interactions between them. At least that's what I'm sensing from this first impression of them which makes me look forward to getting to know them even more in depth.

After a while of talking and making fun of each other, Jimin interrupts our little get-to-know-each-other session.

"Hey guys, I hate to interrupt this beautiful family meeting but it's almost time for class. We have to get going now. Junkookie I'm leaving Y/N in your care so don't disappoint me." Jimin makes the 'I'll be watching you' gesture, while Jungkook rolls his eyes and to me. Before walking away he offers one last reassuring smile and squeeze of my hand. He doesn't fail to whisper 'you'll do great' in my ear before heading towards the opposite direction with Hoseok and Taehyung who also bit the rest of us goodbye for now. Frankly, now that I met them all, my nervousness levels are reduced to almost zero.

"You can count on me hyung!" Jungkook yells at Jimin while saluting him in a military way making everyone laugh.

"So, err, hey Y/N, what are you majoring in?" He asks while peering at me with those doe eyes of his. 

"Music and performance. You?"

"Sweet, we are in the same majors! That means we'll have the same classes. Ah, I'm so glad we're classmates. That way I won't have to go through the pain of talking to others."

"Are you inside my mind or something? I just thought about the very same thing! I too am so glad we share the same mood. We shall head to class while proudly ignoring everyone else!" I snort and lift my head up decisively.

"Aye aye captain, lead the way! Guys we'll meet later." He goes along with my joke before waving at the rest. 

"Sure. Have a great time little ones." Seokjin, the eldest, waves back and I catch him winking at me. Sigh. He's so handsome I wanna pluck my eyes out so my lonely ass won't look at him and cry internally cause he must surely have a girlfriend. More likely I'd be surprised unless all of them did. Well all except Jimin. I'm still baffled as to why he's been single for like two years now.

Ahh.. The first day of uni life has yet to begin, but I've already gone through a whiplash.

I shake the intrusive thoughts off and quickly wave to the three remaining boys before we head to our respective classes. I think I Namjoon with Yoongi leave together, Seokjin goes on by himself and of course myself along with Jungkook start making our way down one of the aisles Jimin walked me through previously, never ceasing our very indulging conversations.

❖ ── ✦ ── ◈ • • • ❀ ❖ ❀ • • • ◈ ── ✦ ── ❖

next

#bts fic #bts fanfic #bts moodboard #bts park jimin #jimin #park jimin #jimin smut #jimin scenarios #bts namjoon #bts rm #bts jhope #bts suga #bts jin #bts updates #bts #bts taehyung #bts v #bts jungkook #bts jk #bts jimin #bts smut #bts fluff #bts fanfction #bts scenarios #bts kim seokjin #bts jeon jungkook #bts angst #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x fem!reader

[avatarkv]

A PASSAGE FROM TUK-TUK'S DIARY (II)

NOW PLAYING: FOURTH OF JULY, SUFJAN STEVENS.

Sa’nok told me that it was normal to mourn, normal to cry about Neteyam leaving, but I have never seen Kiri sad— ever! In fact, I barely see her at all. She’s always out to explore, always leaving me behind. Kiri returns when it’s nearing eclipse and dad gets angry at her. It went on for a couple of weeks, but I think dad got tired of scolding her. Kiri would still do it anyway. She only rolls her eyes and eventually sleeps. 

Dad doesn’t know what to do with her, so every time she leaves the table early than the rest, he only sighs and mom would rub his shoulders. I want to give dad a big hug too, but I don’t know if it’s what he needs. I know he wants Neteyam but I don’t know how to give my brother back to him. I wish I could. Maybe then, he wouldn’t be so troubled. 

Today, I tried to play with them. Early in the morning, I approached Kiri as fast as I could before she could leave the pod and asked her if she wanted to swim with our Ilus, but she only patted the top of my head and told me that she was off to do big-sister stuff. I knew that was a lie. Maybe she just wasn’t in the mood to be near the water or maybe she had someplace to be with Spider. I only sighed and replied, maybe next time then. 

I don’t know when the next time will come. I think we’re all too sad still. 

At breakfast, no one asked where Kiri had gone. It was just us four. The food was cold and everyone was silent. When my parents left the table first, I finally asked Lo’ak if I could come with him to see Payakan. He furrowed his eyebrows and told me it was too dangerous. He said that I should be playing with kids my age and went to see him alone. 

My heart was heavy that day, Neteyam. I wish you could carry it with me. You’re much stronger than I am. 

I hated when people called me a child— hated when they excluded me from the bigger kids just because. Could a kid be kidnapped by sky-people and fight against them? Could a kid get so close to weapons? Could a kid understand what it means for someone to die? 

I don’t think so. I don’t think I ever was a kid. So I didn’t understand why I couldn’t come with. 

I have to look after every adult now. Mama, Lo’ak, dad, and Kiri. I don’t know who will look after me. I wish you were still here. Maybe then, I wouldn’t have such a big responsibility. Maybe then, I would have someone to play with. Grown-up stuff is tiring! Is this how you felt when ma and dad were hard on you when we were being difficult? 

This doesn’t sound like what a kid would be doing so young.

But I think I understand now. I’m sorry we were difficult, Neteyam. I’m on my best behavior now, I wish you could see. Well, Mo’at told me that you could; you look over us always, she says, but I think it would be better if you told me personally that I’ve been doing a good job. I missed when you’d pat me on the head. I miss you. 

The day was too beautiful to waste with a frown. I remember walking out the pod to swim when I saw Tsireya near the shore. I walked to her and she gave me a big smile, but she quickly sensed that I was sad and asked how I was doing while playing with my braids. For a moment, I felt at peace— like I was six and nothing bad had happened.  

I told her I missed Neteyam and I could see how her smile faltered. I looked down because maybe she didn’t want to talk about it too, like the others. But when she hugged me tight, I couldn’t help my big-girl tears. I wonder if Neteyam cried too when the world felt too heavy.

Maybe not, because his shoulders are strong and he could lift me up without any problem. I wish I was like my brother. 

“He will always be near, Tuk-tuk.” She said and touched my chest, “Right here.” 

I didn’t understand what she meant but my heartbeat raced a bit and I thought, maybe that was you, responding. I touched my chest too and I could feel it get warmer and warmer— Is this you, Neteyam? Is this all you? 

I bid Tsireya goodbye and decided to run. Run nowhere. It’s silly, but the more I moved, the more I heard my heart. 

When it was eclipse, I slept with my hands near my chest and I tried to tune all the noise out. I hear Neteyam and he lulls me to sleep, just like he did before when I couldn’t. He’d rock my hammock too though, but this would do. 

I lied. I think I want to be called a kid. 

Kid means it’s okay to not understand things— to not know what to feel yet. I like being a kid. I think I’m gonna stick to being a kid from now on. 

I wonder if Neteyam was ever a kid too.

mauve here !!!!!! ignore that i've posted this twice already bec the first time i posted this, it didn't garner as much attention grr so if this flops, know that it will never see the light of day ever again /hj

this series is inspired from the book "the scar" by charlotte moundlic. i think i made a mistake of not stating so on the first part- i'm really sorry! please take a moment to read that book, it made me bawl.

i haven't had the motivation to write anything avatar unrelated;( nor am i finished with the last chapter of my sully fam fic. i just watched across the spider-verse and let me tell you, my ass has been BEGGING for me to write a miguel o'hara/hobie brown fic. good lord help me, i cannot resist.

kisses for everyone!

#mauve writes ☆ #avatar #avatar the way of water #tuktirey #tuktirey te suli neytiri'ite #neteyam #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #neytiri #neytiri te tskaha mo'at'ite #lo'ak #loak #lo'ak te suli tsyeyk'itan #avatar angst #avatar 2009 #kiri #kiri te suli kìreysì'ite #jake #jake sully #neteyam sully #lo'ak sully

[scruffyssketchbook]

how was old eevolves like?

It was written by an 11 year old. And it shows.

Shun had both Naruto and Avatar powers (he could bend all 4 elements and do Ninja Jutsu/control his chakra). And was a Mary Sue. I focused so much on Shun x May that it seemed like they were the main characters and everyone else was a side character. Eve’s dolls in ssec were in old Eevolves but Ruby owned them. Ofc, no June. Shun made them and they could talk because ofc they can. Sylveon wasn’t a thing when I wrote old Eevolves so Ruby liked Randy and there was no love triangle there. Max was never in the series cause him and his best friend Jax went away to learn ninjutsu from a Naruto ninja master. He wanted to get stronger so April will notice him. Which he did. Ex (or X) was an evil shiny Umbreon named UMBREON X and he was obsessed with Flora and he led a group of shiny Pokémon that terrorized everywhere, and ofc, Mary Shun had to stop him with his cool bad ass Naruto powers. Umbreon X also eventually got April Pregnant. Why April? She had nothing going for her so I thought it’ll bring her back into the story. It didn’t. :V She ended up hiding the baby from everyone. I forgot her son’s name. It’s probably Keith. Keith won’t be in New Eevolves and April is not getting pregnant either. Randy was a runt (like Vay is) and apparently it was Shun’s fault???? Idk. They had a big fight about it (with curse words and all) and Mary Shun with all his edge on display was like “ya…… come with me…….” “Leafeon……. It’s my fault….”. Randy is still oblivious as Ever with how Ruby feels about him, and only realizes when she heard her tell someone else. When he confronts her about this, she lists off the whole cast, saying the Eevolves main characters by their Eeveelution name but every other Eeveelution character by their actual name.

Mary Shun (who was Literally Black from ES but more Emo and Edgy) got super emo around May, so he leaves and May is heart broken for years until a kind Glaceon boy made her happy again and when Shun comes back against his will she still chooses SHUN AND NOT THE CUTE NICE GLACEON BOY WHO HELPED HER THROUGH ALL HER SAD TIMES. (The cute Glaceon character is in new Eevolves too, trying to find a name for him because I don’t remember his old name.) Speaking about Mary Shun, he at the ripe age of 12, had a mate and a child on the way, but both were killed by a Pokémon attack right in front of him (Ofc he killed the Pokémon who did it afterwards) and that is how he became edgy mc Edgelord. Also he borderline hated May and always told her to leave him alone and insulted things she liked. But OFC he had a soft spot for her cause she reminded him of his dead wife *eye roll* literal Tsundere. There is a picture I drew of him and said dead wife, they look like adults. Randy is playing a game with Ruby next to them and they look like literal babies. These characters are NOT THAT FAR IN AGE FROM EACHOTHER. Also ofc there are Eevolves kids too, they have their OWN drama. And one of them ofc is a Ninjutsu master at the ripe age of 4 years old. (Eevolves uses human aging, not SSEC aging btw). Everyone had dead or missing parents. Flora and Max’s parents died in a fire, April and May’s mom died and their dad was missing, Jet never knew his parents, Ruby’s parent abandoned her, Shun and Randy’s parents- are actually alive but Shun disowned them along with his older brother. So they were mostly living on their own. From a young age. No family or cousins or anything. Max evolved into a Jolteon btw.

BRO I JUST FOUND AN IMAGE OF MAY SAYING “WANNA BE THE SANTA IN MY SLEIGH” TO SHUN WUT LOLLLLLLLLLLL HELP I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS 11

All of this ofc. Is changing.

I feel like the only thing not changing completely is Jet’s backstory, because HONESTLY. It’s the most grounded. I completely overhauled Shun’s personality, gave April more personality, changed everything with Max, gave them actual parental figures (well not Shun, his Parents stays borderline disowned, but the rest do have parental figures) and in general made the story like- not seem like it was written by a 11 year old.

[onlineproblems]

ok not to be a mommy issues bitch but i was working on my story that i've been trying to write for like 3 years. and thinking about my mom. and wondering why i feel so much angrier at my mom than my dad, though they both wronged me. in different ways which arent really comparable but neither one more or less than the other.

my dad was distant and never praised me, always had criticism, higher standards for me to meet, and rarely told me he loved me, was the disciplinarian parent who wasn't involved in parenting unless it was to punish us. he's very different now that we're adults and i think he's realized that he won't have a relationship with his kids if he keeps acting that way, because he texts me often to tell me how much he appreciates and loves me. and although he knows i'm a godless atheist liberal, and he always tries to work god bullshit into the conversation, he basically still accepts me.

meanwhile my mom would always talk to me growing up -- about whatever, her frustrations with my dad, emotional stuff, our interests, religion, etc. we didn't get super deep because even when i was a christian i didn't share much with my family, but i was closer with my mom than my dad. i thought of her as more open-minded than my dad, but suddenly it was like a turn-around happened (or i just became more aware) and she was suddenly spouting low-key alt-right anti-vax, homophobic, end times bullshit and it kind of sucker-punched me to hear it from her. if i ever thought i could come out to her, i was quickly disillusioned. she said something like 'god would cause gay people to die sooner so that they wouldn't keep sinning' and i just had no response. she got her counseling license this year; she's a marriage and family therapist. fuck.

she's divorcing my dad which i think is a good thing; their marriage was not happy. he was basically incapable of expressing his emotions and he didn't mistreat her but he definitely didn't treat her right. he has decades of unprocessed trauma and he can't stop watching porn. i discovered it on the family computer when i was 10 years old. he tried to commit suicide five years ago. he locks up his computer and tells his whole church about it for 'accountability' and punishes himself but he can't stop. i don't know what the fuck went wrong with him. my mom won't tell me what happened to him but she's implied that he might have been molested or had something similar happen as a kid. i don't fucking know. how they've been married for 30 years i have no idea.

i have compassion for them both but i hate they way their bullshit has affected me and my brothers. my dad's inability to cope prevented him from taking care of us. my special needs brother went without the care he needed because my dad wouldn't leave his work in rural africa, because he was afraid of living in the us and feeling inadequate. he was an expert in his field there, but in america he was just another guy. i was depressed and suicidal and untreated and my mom probably was too but her ideology didn't allow her to disagree with her husband, so we stayed. and i hate her for that. for never challenging him, for just bending to his will when we all needed help. when my brother needed medical care that wasn't available where we lived.

i feel stunted, my emotional development so behind where i could be if i was allowed to interact with my peers during my formative years, because of my parents. our house had a yard with 8-foot walls around it and i never left there except to go to church. i had to cover my body for 'modesty.' i hated my body. i had an eating disorder. i was afraid of other people. i couldn't make friends. without going into detail, there were times i felt exposed to predatory men when i should have been protected by my parents.

and like....my dad should have taken responsibility, he should have woken the fuck up and cared for us instead of being in his own head all the time. i feel like i should be angrier at him and hate him more. why is my hatred more for my mom? is it because we were closer, so the betrayal feels deeper? is it because he's making a real effort now, actually putting work in to change the behaviors that harmed me, while my mom seems to have no awareness that she caused harm? i mean, she blames everything on my dad and doesn't really take any responsibility. i started cutting in college and she lamented to me last year that she ''really wanted to move back to be with me" but my dad didn't want to come and "she didn't know what cutting was". her excuse was she had never heard of cutting, and her husband said no.

she's had so many missed opportunities to care for and support me. i've been open with her about what i believe in, what i want to do, how i've changed, and her responses seem perfunctory, while my dad actually seems to take an interest in me even if he disagrees with most of my beliefs. i guess i feel like it's more important to me that he's actually trying now even if i don't think he'll ever really change. the effort is what matters to me. i don't think my mom is interested in trying -- it doesn't feel like she is. but i don't know. it just feel wrong to hate her so much more than him. it seems disproportionate.

i've spent time in therapy for most of these experiences so i'm not horribly affected by them anymore, and being an adult and having distance from my parents means it doesn't cause the agony it did when i was a teenager, but as they're divorcing this year it is bringing this sense of 'choosing sides' a bit closer. so a lot of memories are coming back up. in 2021 i spent like 4-5 months processing ptsd from my childhood and now i feel a little residual angst from it.

i'm a functional adult, and i'm pretty happy day-to-day. i know everyone has their own issues and traumas that inform their lives that we just don't see, nobody has it all together, and i try to keep that in mind and be merciful to myself when i feel like i should be...idk better at life. it's pointless to think about what-ifs and i don't, really, but i am pretty bitter and angry about how my parents could have spared me a lot of pain when i was young and had little control over the way my life went. i never want to have kids, for a lot of reasons, but i can't imagine giving birth to a child and not being intentional about the way you care for them, knowing that it's inevitable you'll fuck up, but wanting to be as informed as possible and giving them the best you possibly can because they're basically helpless. you can't be selfish when you're a parent. if you have a kid simply because that's what you're supposed to do, what the fuck are you doing? that's a person. i look at the children i know, or at my younger siblings, and i can't imagine not sacrificing my desires to care for them. abstractly, i don't like kids and i feel awkward around them, but jesus christ. your own child? especially if you chose to have that child? you're just going to sit back and let them suffer, because you don't want to be uncomfortable? don't have a kid if you can't handle it.

sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be normal enough to feel safe by myself, after my experiences with predators that my parents didn't protect me from. if i can leave my house alone and not feel a little bit of panic under the surface. i'm hopeful since i've made progress over the years, but it comes in waves -- grows and fades. i wonder if i'll stop automatically going on the defensive when certain subjects come up. if i'll stop having nightmares about being sent to hell and my mom telling me she was right all along. i wonder if i'll ever be able to feel normal about having a disagreement with someone i care about, without feeling like i'm sinning, like i need to be punished or i need to absolve myself because i'm so used to emotional abuse and neglect from my parents and church and 'god' that it informs my interactions with friends and especially my spouse. creeps in when i'm vulnerable and makes me act horrible when i want to be well-adjusted and healthy.

this be the verse, eh? they fuck you up. they really really do. and this really got away from me but god i just had such an outpouring of thoughts. it was cathartic. and i can't journal so it all goes to tumblr lmao.

#therapy time :) #this is really heavy and talks about suicide and eating disorders and what amounts to emotional abuse and neglect basically #so uh don't read unless you're just really interested in my fucked up life lol #it's also super long and i can't imagine that it would be interesting to anyone else lmfao #amceled

[tricky-pockets]

I went to a rally for trans solidarity yesterday and I want to share before I forget. There were a few planned speakers and then they opened the mic to anyone who wanted to speak. A few of the people that I remember most were:

A trans guy who was in the process of coming out in his freshman year of high school. He spoke about the struggles he'd had with transphobia and its effects on his mental health but closed out by saying how glad he is that he had the support he needed to get through it. He said he's so happy to still be here - and someone in the crowd shouted "We're glad you're here too!" to enthusiastic applause.

That guy's older sibling, who's nonbinary and started their school's queer student organization. They said that no matter what opposition we face, we will always rise from the ashes. They said how much they love their little brother and how proud of him they are.

A trans woman who came out recently, who spoke about the odd blind spot some parents have - how even if they consider themselves allies in an abstract sense, they can still get stuck when it's their own kid coming out as trans. She told us to never settle for backhanded "support". She said that we deserve to be safe and loved and understood by our families - "and if your family doesn't step up for you, I will be your sister, your mom, and your auntie - you can call on me."

A queer therapist who works primarily with trans and gnc people who told us "if you can hang on to one thing, hang on to this: we can love each other more than they hate us."

A trans woman who is a professor of queer literature and history, who introduced herself with her title of Dr. because "If someone's going to call me a t-slur, it's goddamn well going to be Doctor t-slur." She told us that trans people have always been here and just our existence challenges the ideas people have that need to be challenged. The world is better with us in it, whether the world knows that or not.

A nonbinary person who found an unexpected ally in voir 70-something-year-old Catholic grandma. Voi told us "I'm pretty sure she doesn't get the whole neopronouns thing by God, she's trying. And she loves me." Voir grandma still leaves void a voicemail every year of her singing Happy Birthday (badly but with love), and takes particular care to pick out non-gendered birthday cards.

Two siblings (maybe twins?) who are both trans and in middle school, who came up to speak together. They were both so happy and full of life and all they wanted to tell us was that they love being trans and (passing the mic back and forth and laughing as they tripped over each other) "Seeing so many trans adults here-" "-we love all of you!-" "-makes us feel like we have a future ahead of us-" "-and we're so so happy to be alive and to be who we are." And if that doesn't break your heart right open, I don't know what will.

A person who only identified themself as part of the queer community came up not to speak, but to sing - they performed a short song a cappella, something I didn't recognize. I don't remember the lyrics but it was about... undefeatable hope. Irrepressible authenticity. They performed it in a voice that was heartbreakingly lovely, then gave a soft smile and gracefully departed the stage with no more words spoken. They might have been an angel. I wouldn't be surprised.

Finally, a mom came up with her tiny adorable kid. He wanted to tell us that he just turned 6 and his brother gave him this pretty dress for his birthday and he's wearing it for the first time today and did we know he was 6 whole years old? Mom told us "He's not sure about pronouns yet, but I know that we will love and support him through every step of discovering who he is. Thank you all for building a community where my kid can do what makes him happy."

I know this is a long post. I hope you read it anyway. There was so much love there. It hit me hard just how healing it can be to hear a shared struggle from someone else's lips. And it hit me even harder to see young trans people there, aware of the challenges they'll face but full of a fierce joy. I know that every single older person there would fight God to protect that joy, too.

The last person to speak was the trans woman who organized it. She told us that there have always been and always will be uncountable variations in gender. Expression of those variations is part of being human - and anything that tries to eradicate us is, on some level, in opposition to humanity. She said our struggle is linked with the struggle of every oppressed people and we have to fight for all of us.

She's right. I love you all. Take care of each other out there, okay? Protect our most vulnerable. I want us all to live and thrive and be loved.

#long post #tdov 2023 #trans pride #trans solidarity #queer #sam tag 🌌

[a-room-of-my-own]

i wanted to share something that i’ve been thinking about a lot. For years I hated that my mother was overprotective. Paranoid when it came to men getting too close to me. She’d ask if my dad or any man had ever behaved inappropriately with me. She’d be afraid to let me go on class trips because she was so scared I’d be sexually abused whether it’d be by my penpal’s father or a random guy at the hostel.

As a child I didn’t think much of it. As a teen I thought she was weird and it bothered me that I couldn’t experience things with my friends, that I couldn’t do what everyone did. The constant doubt about my father, my stepfather, my uncles, even doctors made me think it stained my relationship with them to picture them in such an awful light. I thought if she didn’t trust them with me then she shouldn’t let them near me at all.

In the end I realized that it wasn’t about some specific men but men in general.

Now that i’m older, it is clear that my mom has been sexually abused by men she trusted. For a long time it didn’t click. The first time I noticed something was when I was already a 22 yo adult, and she randomly said her dad used to invite family friends over and he’d let his friends sleep in the same bed as the girls because there was not enough space in the apartment. She’d talk about a man in particular, that she could remember the sound his leg made when he walked, how she was terrified of him. And then she’d switch the topic.

A few years later I overheard a fight with my grandmother. My mom was crying and my grandma was telling her that she was overreacting, that it was a long time ago. It was about my uncle, so her own brother.

This summer I went to the public swimming pool with my mom. There were kids playing around, and a little girl that wasn’t wearing a swimming suit was waiting right next to us. Her mom was talking to another woman, the swimming suit in her hands that she still hadn’t put on her daughter, too absorbed by the conversation. My mother was getting bothered and whispered « I wish she’d dress her up, some people are sick ». I was annoyed. It was a little girl playing, why put such an awful perspective on a good moment. I told her so, she was ruining the moment. But she wasn’t even looking at the girl. She was looking a bit further. She said that the look of a guy was bothering her. That she had seen many awful things in her life and that she knew this look.

It was a teenage boy, 16 probably. He was staring at the little girl. Sometimes he’d talk to someone else but he’d still glance at the little girl. Then he would be on his own again and he’d still stare at the little girl. It lasted several minutes. It creeped me out and I wondered if I should say something. The girl’s mom dressed her up. He stopped staring, then walked away. My mom breathed out of relief.

I feel so awful about my mom. I wish she had had someone to protect her when she was young. I can’t believe she’s still bearing all of this on her own, without any support. I wish she’d know I forgive her for being too protective when I was younger. I get it, she tried to prevent me from experiencing what she went through.

I deeply feel for you and your mom. I had the exact same experience, and I also learned as an adult it came from abuse. As a teenager I also didn't understand why she was so 'paranoid' and I blamed her many times for preventing me from doing things.

[a-sentient-horax]

November 27, 2023 - Part 2

So I've been asking my boyfriend about what he sees, because he's an honest, third party observer with 5 years of context for this woman and her family. One thing that he said is that he felt like she was acting, like constantly. Which makes sense because (as I told him) it seems like my mom has a vision for how every event in her life should look every time it happens, and it has to like, go a certain way exactly how she expects it. My boyfriend called it being the actor and director at the same time. For example, when we were at dinner, my youngest brother asked her a pretty innocuous question. I can't remember what it was but it was something like "Mom, I want to be a fisherman one day!" We were at a seafood place, there were cool fish things all around us, he's a nine year old boy who just saw a fishing rod and went 'hell yeah.' In response, my mom turned her entire body towards him and like, held his hands in hers. She looks him right in the eyes and in a very serious, slow, incredibly emotive voice she starts talking to him about being a fisherman. "Well [my brother], you would have to work on a big boat, do you think you'd like that? And you'd have to be at sea for weeks and weeks, and most fisherman use a net, not a rod." And on and on in a very serious conversation. It's as if she needs every conversation with her children to be a perfect, manicured, core memory where she is a wise, perfect adult giving them life changing information and advice.

And in a way I feel guilty. I laid into my mom before I cut her off, told her what a horrible monster she was for treating me and my siblings the way that she did. I said awful awful things to her (granted, they reflected my genuine emotions in how I felt about her parenting and how it affected me). But I worry that now she is taking it like, every moment could be the moment that she fucks up so bad that one of her kids decides they hate her. Except I remember her talking to me the same way she talked to my youngest brother, so it's something she picked up before I left and before my sister attempted su*c*de. Also it's like, not what my complaint was. I didn't hate my mother because she flippantly answered my questions without giving much care to what she was saying, I hated her because no matter what I did, it was never enough and I was constantly met with over the top, excessive, controlling punishments that were communicated to me via screaming. I was not allowed a childhood, or allowed to try new things or make mistakes without being met with getting my friends taken away from me, losing my privacy, or being bombarded with petty guilt and irrational outbursts. It's like she missed the point. I don't know. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about her, and I don't know how I feel about her.

I will write more on my siblings later, but my mother has totally consumed my thoughts while she was here and even after she has left.

The other person on my mind is the Creep. He and I have a project that is due in two days, then I can pretty much finally be rid of him (thank God). He didn't come to class today, and I doubt he has done his part of the project but honest to God I don't care anymore. After this class I am going to finish the homework I have due tonight, and then just work on our project. I genuinely don't care at all if I have to do the whole thing over the next two days I want this weirdo out of my life forever and I cannot wait for it to be done. Our final in this class is next Wednesday and seriously after that I think I will just never talk to him again. I'm hoping to just turn off read receipts for him only and soft block him on everything. I think he sort of knows this is coming by now, or he should, considering how cold of a shoulder I've been giving him.

He's been like, doing this thing where he tells me all the scary shit he's going through right now. The roommate he paid to come down to Texas with him is mentally unstable. He knew this and still brought him to Texas promising to pay for him to live. As it turns out this roommate doesn't always act exactly how Creep wants him to, so he doesn't like him anymore. He lives in a bad neighborhood where there are gunshots and crime, and since he grew up rich he is scared and bought a gun. After I told him I do not want to talk about guns at all, he continued to bring the topic up, now he says he's bought a gun, and he's also texted me that he misses me and I hope I know I'm loved. Again, after I told him I don't like when he uses those kinds of words with me. He's a boundary pusher and frankly I am not the one. Again, after each time that he has pushed my boundaries or done or said something I explicitly asked him not to do, I have gotten colder. For example, he said that he loves me platonically a month or two back. I told him I dont really feel comfortable with that. So he said it again immediately. I told him that I really don't like that he said it again. He said it AGAIN immediately after, and finally I told him to stop. Then when he tried to reel it back "Oh I just thought you wanted..." I just stopped texting him. And now it's like, he's trying to push my boundaries over and over again and when he does I talk to him less and less. I don't understand what he thinks is going to happen but what IS going to happen is we are never going to talk again after this project. I don't care if he learns his lesson or not, I want to get rid of him. My biggest fear is my boyfriend finds all the weird texts he sent me and like, goes ballistic on this guy, or that it affects our relationship somehow. And as I've said before, it's incredibly hard to explain to a man that this sort of behavior from guys is something that I've dealt with my whole life and it's just going to keep happeneing. There are so many creeps and I'm going to have to put up with all of them. It's dangerous to me, to my career, and to my ability to socialize if I don't deal with this in the subtle way that I am: giving him the cold shoulder until I can block him forever.

I also fear that my boyfriend would see the weird texts and take it as a self-esteem hit or something. That like, other guys are texting his girlfriend weird things and he can't so anything about it or I don't know. The last thing I want is for this Creep to also make my boyfriend feel weird. I just hate that he is in my life. I can't wait to wipe him from my phone and move on to healthier friendships.

#journal #tw sui attempt

[lya-dustin]

Someone will remember us

Chapter 38

Cw: teen pregnancy, talks of abortion, morning sickness,mortality rate of teen moms

Gif by:@carlarosonn

“I remember when Teora first held you.” Mother struggles to sit beside her on the old rug Aemma sits on. “She called you little Aem, and from then on, we decided to keep calling you that. When it became time for you to have a Septa, there was no better person to entrust you to.”

Teora who had fussed over her, kissed her hurts, taught her prayers and loved her enough to shelter her and her brothers from the irrational hatred people had towards them.

“How am I supposed to live without her?” Aemma asked with a sniffle, she hates this endless crying. Hates it because Teora used to tease her about it, and she can hear her even if she’s gone.

“You know I asked Alicent the same question when my mother died.” Her mother wrapped her shawl over Aemma’s shoulder, like she used to do when she was little and felt a bit chilly.

“I can hardly believe there was a time she didn’t hate you, mama.” Aemma snuggled up to her mother and breathed in her scent, she missed her dreadfully. Especially now that everything has gone to shit.

“Believe it, little Aem. She was like a sister to me, dearer to me than anyone else to me in the world, until she married my father and then everything changed.” Her mother holds her tightly, soothed her as if she were still a child. You wouldn’t think Aemma was woman grown if you saw her now. “Alicent told me that my mother was not truly gone, that she would always be with me in my heart, in my memories. Teora will live on as long as we never forget her.

We will get through this, one day it won’t hurt us as much.”

---

“Mumuña.” Grandmother, Daemon whispers when Aemma runs out the moment the fish course was served.

The funeral was over, the final farewell was the most difficult part and Rhaenyra was glad to see how well her daughter was doing five days after.

“Rhaenys was ill when Laenor---” she cannot say the words, she could not believe Laenor who never did anything wrong in his life was dead. “It’s the grief making her sick.”

Aemma had only been married for a moon and three weeks, there was no way her younger brother could have gotten her with child so soon.

For fuck’s sake, both were still more children than adults.

“I have sired seven children ---that I am aware of--- I can recognize a pregnant woman by now. You are to be a grandmother, dear wife.” He whispered helping her up.

Daemon had to be wrong in his assumption, yes, he is wrong, she tells herself as she goes after her daughter.

“Kevlyn says the malaise will go away by itself, mama.” Her girl is fanning herself and drinking water with one of the servant girls rushing to fetch a bucket and the maester checking her for signs of other illnesses.

“What is your prognosis, maester?” Rhaenyra asked the man who seemed to have stumbled on a different theory.

“When was the last time you have bled, your highness?” the man asked Aemma who choked on her water in embarrassment.

No, her daughter couldn’t be pregnant. It’s too soon.

“It was supposed to come this week, but it has not come.” Her girl looks at the floor unable to look at them in shame.

“Have you taken the moon tea as Gerardys suggested?” Rhaenyra asks her, they had this conversation. Should Aemma not wish for children yet, she should drink the tea.

The Maester had said Aemma was too young to have a child, to wait until she felt ready to be a mother and preferably around her twentieth nameday.

Girls die because they force them to be mothers too soon, Gerardys had scolded her when she told him about the deal mother and daughter had made.

She shook her head, “I tried but Orwyle said they are forbidden to give it to ladies unless the queen or the Hand allows it.”

Alicent couldn’t be so calloused, to damn women with a child they do not want or cannot have without costing them their lives.

Poor Helaena, she had never been given the chance to choose.

“We did our best to take precautions, but---” the girl cannot even form the words to say it.

They were little more than children, much younger than Rhaenyra and Harwin were when Jacaerys came less than a year after Aemma.

If two adults had trouble making sure Harwin didn’t spill his seed inside her, what chance did two over eager teenagers have?

The Maester looked at the princess of Dragonstone with worry, a fit could cause a miscarriage, or complications in the birthing stool.

Her daughter cannot die.

“Have moon tea prepared for her. If she is not with child it will not hurt for her to prevent it for a while longer.” Rhaenyra orders focusing on the well-being of her daughter and heir.

“No, I will not drink it. You cannot make me; I am of age.” Aemma shook her head in fear. “This child is what may stop Hightower from usurping you, the rift between our families will be mended by my son. Aemon will be born whether we like it or not.”

Aemon, she has named a baby she isn’t even sure exists yet.

Aemon, the true heir. Aemon after Jaehaerys and Alysanne’s firstborn son, Rhaenys’ father who’s heir was robbed of her birthright because of something as trivial as her sex.

Had they come this girl? To have her girl of six and ten put herself at the mercy of the gods just to stop their families from killing each other.

Once she had suggested that Aegon marry Aemma to tie the families together, now she sees how her heir has taken it on herself to force them to stop their fighting or risk losing their hope for the future.

“If that is your wish, I will not stop you. I only ask that you allow me to take care of you when the time comes, neither I nor Maester Gerardys will not take no for an answer.”

----

“You look green, sweet sister.” Baela teases her as they break fast together. “As green as your husband.”

Baela has seen battle, Moondancer has killed pirates, sell-sails and sell-swords alike.

Jace has been blooded too under grandmother’s watchful eye a week ago.

Aemond had killed the people who attacked her as she went after the men at the Rat Pit, but he is irritated that a girl of four and ten has more combat experience than he does.

It will change today, he has gone to answer Celtigar's warning of pirates nearing Claw Isle with Jace and Daemon, the only one willing to teach him how to fight on dragon back.

Aegon had been offered the chance to go with them, but he preferred to spend the say as far away from family duty as he possibly could. It didn’t help that Sunfyre was as lazy as his sister, Syrax.

Do not tighten your saddle chains too much, taoba, Daemon had chided him, you need room to jump if your mount fails you.

It wasn’t his fault that after Aemma’s father died there was no one to teach him properly.

Helaena fared worse; her mother forbade her from doing more than fly Dreamfyre. No maneuvers, no self defense, just the most basic flight patterns.

But there was time to learn, which was a small mercy for them.

Daemon had taken it all as an affront to their person, they may have lived here for centuries, but to forget their culture and family’s roots was to forget yourself.

This gave Aemma the space needed to do Kevlyn’s rather stupid examination and plan accordingly.

This time next year she may be holding her son.

This time next year she will be Princess of Dragonstone and her worst fears will come true.

“There is a possibility that I may be with child. Gods, I’ve never hated omelets as I have done this past two weeks.” Aemma used to be fond of these, especially the ones mother’s cooks made in Dragonstone, but even Baela’s omelet across the table has her wanting to retch.

She eats sweet fruits, plain soft buns sprinkled with cinnamon and fig rolls instead, Aemma used to like sweets, but never figs.

Teora used to like fig rolls.

And that thought has her wanting to cry again. Teora will never know about Aemon.

“Congratulations to you and your prick of a husband.” Baela will never forgive Aemond for the things he said that night and Aemma can admit that Aemond is more of an acquired taste.

If it had been me, I would’ve taken both his eyes, Baela had boldly said once to Aemma’s horror. Baela was more Daemon’s daughter than Laena’s and it was why her father favored her over Rhaena.

Aemond was a pretentious cold fish and an ass to those who didn’t know him like Aemma did.

They see the veneer of aloof confident Prince who appears to be in complete control of himself, but not the awkwardness and insecurities that he has on account of

being raised by his mother and Criston Cole

being maimed by Luke

being the second son of a Targaryen King

It is a lethal combination if you ask his wife.

But she loves Aemond even if he’s a little too dutiful to his mother and his favorite philosophy is that true freedom comes from obeying ---which she hates quite a lot.

“Mother pissed on wheat, said it was how Kevlyn had examined your mother and Aunt Alarra.” Baela said looking over the balcony where they can still see Vhagar in all her size try to keep up with the faster and younger dragons.

She had coiled with the Cannibal; the old bat had shocked everyone with that.

Everyone except Daemon who prided himself in knowing Caraxes had been the last male dragon to confirm Vhagar ---like the god she was named after--- was female.

“At least there is no poking and prodding to it. Even if it sounds rather undignified to piss in front of the maester and mother.” Aemma felt a little better knowing what this examination was.

And sure enough, the wheat seeds sprout.

Aemon, the Young Dragon, the Conqueror of Dorne, King of the Seven Kingdoms.

The prince Viserys had butchered his wife open for and then married a girl young enough to have been sired by him.

#aemma velaryon #someone will remember us fic #asoiaf fanfic #house of the dragon #asoiaf au #aemond targaryen x velaryon!oc #oc fanfiction #ocappreciationtag #fyeahhotdocs

[valora23]

Eccentric Family

Eichi was a friend of Y/n's. Though he barely had any time to himself. Now that you think about it... He wasn't exactly her "friend". Eichi is just someone who declared to be her friend. They had only met each other when meeting at a cafe, but this time Eichi thought that he would go to her house for a visit. Y/n, who doesn't have anything better to do, accepted the request.

Soon enough, the doorbell to the woman's house rang, so she went to open it. "Ah, Tenshouin-kun. It's been a while." She said with a smile as she let him in. "Y/n-chan, you don't need to be formal with me, just Eichi is fine." He said with that beautiful fake smile of his. "Alright then, Eichi-kun. Sorry, I got used to it when I used to call you Tenshouin-senpai." Y/n nervously explained.

As the hours pass, the two talked about their life and moments back when they were at school. Of course, Y/n had to take care of Natsume ever so often. "Mother, we're home!" A voice from the door called out. Turning towards the door, the two adults found Y/n's four other sons. "Sorry we're a bit late... Wataru... wanted to play in the playground, so Kanata-nii has to carry him home." The sound of Shu said. "Mommy? Who is the man in our house?" The cute sweet innocent voice of Wataru asked. "Oh, boys, this is Eichi Tenshouin. He's an old high school friend of mine. Well, he was my upperclassmen. Please treat him with respect, ok? He's a guest after all." Y/n said. Unknown to her though, three of her sons didn't really like the vibe Eichi is giving off.

"Eichi-kun, do you mind if I go start up on dinner? Maybe you can join us if you would like to." Y/n said sweetly. "I would love to. You can leave me here for a second. I can talk to the four young men of the house." Eichi replied with his ever so fake smile. "Wataru, why don't you go play in your room?" Kanata said to Wataru, not wanting the little brother to see what the three are going to do with the stranger in their house.

"Okay!" Wataru cheerfully said as he ran up to his room, oblivious of what his brothers are going to do. "So, who are you to mother and why are you here?" Rei started the interrogation, giving Eichi a death glare. "I am just a friend of your mother, nothing more. I can't visit an old friend of mine?" Eichi said, his smile unfazed. "Mom wouldn't let a stranger in and I don't usually mind, but you give off a different weird aura..." Kanata commented. "If you really are an old friend of mother, she would've at least told us about you, but she never even said your name once before." Shu glared at Eichi. At this point, all three brothers were glaring at him. He then remembered what Y/n had told him before. She said the brothers sometimes don't get along. But to Eichi, that line seemed false. The four of them then continued this odd staring contest for minutes.

"Alright. I'm making some mac n cheese for tonight. I already put it inside the oven. Did you boys had fun talking?" Came the voice of Y/n herself. Eichi was going to comment something when one of the brothers said something first. "Everything is alright, mother." Rei said with a fake smile. Eichi was quite surprised with this odd behavior, but didn't seemed faze by it. "Alright you three. Go clean up yourselves." Y/n said to her sons. The four obeyed their mother and went upstairs to clean up themselves.

"Y/n-chan. I don't mean to be rude but... I don't think your sons like me that much." Eichi said nervously. "Really? I thought they seem just fine when I came back. They don't usually hate strangers that randomly either." Y/n said. "Well, one of the boys who have pink hair seemed to glare at me the whole time." Eichi tried to make his point, as Shu's expresion was the only one who didn't change. "Oh, that's Shu. He's always like that to everyone. Even to his brothers sometimes. Don't worry though, he doesn't bite." Y/n said with a smile. Oh how Eichi wanted to say that it wasn't really the case and that they did hate him. But knowing the mother knew more about her boys better, he started to believe her words.

Dinner time soon came. The boys, plus Eichi all gathered around the dinner tabble. Secretly, when their mother is turning away, the three eldest brothers would glare at the man. Wataru, as innocent as he is, didn't realise this and kept on eating his portion of the mac n cheese his mother made. The mother joined them in the table with a bowl of baby food for little Natsume. "Open up little Natsume~ The magic spoon is coming in~" Y/n coos as she waves around the spoon, feeding him once his mouth is opened. Natsume clapped his hands happily as he eats his food. "Natsume-chan is certainly cute~" Eichi coos. This made the three brothers glare at him.

"Do you want to try and feed him, Eichi-kun?" She asked. The said man nodded and grabbed the spoon and baby food from her hands. "Natsume-chan, open up~" Eichi said, trying to imitate how Y/n fed her baby. But instead of opening his mouth like usual, he flailed his arms and throws the food over to Eichi's face. "Oh my! Natsume, no!" Y/n went over to the sink to grab a wet towel and gives it to Eichi. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Natsume never had a problem being spoon fed by someone else before." Y/n appologized. "It's fine, Y/n-chan. I heard that this is normal for babies." Eichi calmly said.

"Oh, Natsume. No, no throwing your food, ok?" Y/n said to the baby, as she wiped his hand and mouth before giving him the spoon to eat it himself. "Even if he did do it on purpose, it was cute." Eichi said. Though, seemingly hated being called cute, Natsume started to throw a fit. "N-Natsume...!" Y/n then quickly picked the baby up and tries to hush him down. "Oh, please excuse me, Eichi-kun. I guess Natsume is in one of his tantrum fits." Y/n explained, as she bowed her head. "I'ts no problem, Y/n-chan. You can go." Eichi said. Deep inside, Eichi didn't exactly want Y/n to leave him alone with the murderous gaze of her sons. But anyways, Y/n left to her room to calm down little Natsume.

"That's what you get for calling Natsume-chan cute. We all tried it, and it all ended up the same. Natsume always throws a tantrum when being called cute." Rei explained proudly. "Natsume only accepts compliment from mother for some reason. No one else but mother can say he's cute." Shu explained further. "Natsume really hates you, Tenshouin-san. Puka~ puka~" Kanata said with a smile. The three are really guilty tripping Eichi at the moment.

"Eichi-kun! Sorry again about Natsume." Y/n finally came back down. "Y/n-chan! It's fine, really. But I just remembered I had something coming up. Can you excuse me? Thankyou for your kindness and hospitality." Eichi said with his fake smile. "Oh, of course. You are most welcome, Eichi-kun." Eichi then left the house, bringing victory to the three brothers. They mentaly thanked Natsume for that guilt tripping scene he caused.

What happened to Eichi after that? Well, let's just say he would never have the courage to step into that household ever again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, Valora here~ This was inspired by the comment at the top. Honestly I love slandering Eichi, and this was honestly fun to make. Leave me in the comments, or my page on what else I should do for this little oneshot/hc series. bye bye~

Valora out~

#mother reader #ensemble stars #enstars #5 ecentrics #rei sakuma #kanata shinkai #Eccentric Family

[jonquilyst]

Today, my mom and dad were wed at Hanamigawa Koen, the park right next door to our old house; the place that shaped our childhood.

It was just the five of us. After so much pain we went through as a family, it was only right that they said that they only wanted me and my brothers there. “This is about our family reuniting,” Mom said, “Not for anyone else.”

Mom and Dad divorced shortly after I was born, so I don’t know what it was like when they were together the first time. But now that I’m older, I know a little more about what happened.

Mom and Dad are very different people. Hotaru told me that they used to never get along and would fight a lot. One day, my dad reached his breaking point and left... Since he took some of our money, we were forced to downsize. That’s how we ended up in Senbamachi.

We didn’t have much money. Mom told me that our money was so tight that our electricity and water were shut off once (but I don’t remember it since I was just a baby). Since she was a single mom taking care of a baby, toddler, and school-age child, Mom was forced to quit her corporate job to take care of us. Since she was the only adult in the house, we barely had any source of income (that’s why Mom started a garden!) 

It wasn’t until Tatsuya started grade school that Mom was able to return to work. She became a gardener, since she hated the long hours her old corporate job gave her.

And now... here we are. Mom and Dad are married again; we have a bigger house; and we finally have the money to pay for basic necessities. I couldn’t help but cry a little. I even saw Tatsuya shedding a tear...

“I’m so happy we can be a family of five at last,” Dad said as he slipped Mom’s new wedding ring on her finger.

“Me too. I’m happy I can finally call you my husband again,” Mom said before they sealed the deal with a kiss.

(Yes, the backstory part actually happened in-game, but I didn’t share it at the time it happened since this gameplay is from Akari’s POV, and since she was so young she wouldn’t recognize what was happening. This family was dirt poor for a while, but they’re a lot better off now that Chiyo and Shinjiro are back together and have jobs)

(Also just a small disclaimer that this isn’t meant to encourage getting back with your exes... These two have been autonomously flirting with each other since the very beginning of this gameplay, and as their romance slowly creeped up as time went on it became clear they were falling back in love with each other. This is simply what happened in my game and ofc in most situations moving on from your exes is best. Chiyo and Shinjiro are just a little different in that they’re a once incompatible couple who became compatible later in life)

#sims 4 #sims 4 gameplay #ts4 #ts4 gameplay #simblr #sims blog #One Life Challenge #Akari Kondo #Chiyo Kondo #Shinjiro Kondo #Hotaru Kondo #Tatsuya Kondo

[jackednephi]

Hey, about your post about getting sealings annulled-

I don't know how it works with parent/child sealings, but when my parents got their sealing annulled, I was told that my sister and I were still sealed to each other, thank heaven, and to both parents, unfortunately. I firmly believe the finer details will be resolved in the eternities, though. I don't think Heavenly Father would force anyone to stay with their abuser.

Hope it works out for you! ❤️

Thanks I really appreciate this

Just my mother has been the most prolific abuser in my life though my brother has done more heinous things to me. I also don't want to be sealed to my aunt because she's hateful and just the same kind of terrible my older brother is

And what makes all this suck is I still love her. She is my mother after all. There's a chemical connection there that can never be erased and I share half her DNA. But when someone time and time and time again breaks promises and lies and just violates boundaries, there is a time to let them go. Keeping communication lines open has caused more hurt than not over the years

And it's not even like I haven't tried! I've given her chance after chance after chance. I gave her a condition that to keep an adult relationship with me, she had to attend therapy and she agreed. So she lied about going. Apparently, she had never been at all but told me initially that she was specifically so I wouldn't break contact. And then she never did go and let me spend the last 7 or so years thinking she was getting therapy

But she hasn't and it's another broken promise. Another lie. Another boundary violation. Another "I am your mother! You don't get to tell me what to do!" moment and I'm just done. I told her then that it was one last chance and I meant it. I very sincerely meant it

It hurts so fucking bad to do this. I don't want to cut off my own mother from my life but she's like a cancer at thus point. It makes me sad to say it that way but it's the truth. She causes so much pain. It's not even like a "well when I was a kid, she used to beat me but she apologized and we worked on our issues thing" either. She is still actively hurting me. And I deserve better than that. I deserve better than to be the "unwanted child"

Because the couple who have unofficially adopted me? She's such a good mom. She let's me cry and be heartbroken and is the best mom I could have ever asked for. She gives comfort like nobody else and listens to me. She let's me just hang out in her apartment when I need it. She loves me for me and actively chose me as her child. She's nurturing and encouraging and all the things I wish my mother had been through all the years

This whole thing sucks and I hate it but it had to be done. I had to cut her off. And my heart of hearts says this has to happen into the eternities because otherwise it's going to be the same toxic shit. I'm fully convinced she will continue to choose to hurt me because of the choices she's making now that hurt me

I just. I want to be loved the way my brothers are. But she will never give me that. At least my chosen mom loves me the way I need just the same as her other 8 children

It just. Hurts

[kitcat992]

yk what's a character i really enjoy your take on? wanda.

i just love how you made her much more of the "hero" type, but also more grounded... how you didn't sacrifice her vulnerability in the face of being A Strong Powerful Woman, sth which i absolutely hate marvel doing with all of its female characters, just so patronizing, yk? so it's nice seeing a woman who is strong and everything with their powers, but still human. (disclaimer, i am a woman, so i'm not being sexist and saying all women are emotionally weak or whatever)

it's currently 3:35am so i don't have the energy to get into it, tho i wanted to share the thoughts i had before i forget haha, but i'd be grateful to know more about your thoughts are on the character

Wanda has been SUCH an interesting character to write, especially as the MCU Canon goes on and I stay firmly put in my 2017 era of post-Civil War-with-a-proper-ending-this-time-around. It's a bit frustrating at times because the MCU clearly has progressed with their plans for her (ehhmmmm plans is a strong word. More like "progressed with her character sans a road map") But when I started the Identity Saga, we were post Infinity War and she was far different than who she is now.

(Also, obligatory, fuck the MCU, don't like it don't want it they can keep it Imma just play with the characters over here thank you very much)

She didn't have much of a role in the first installment, though I always wanted her to be very close with Peter and even fill that hole left behind from Pietro. You see it off the bat, with Wanda reading Peter's mind and defending his innocence despite Steve freaking the Fuck out like an overdramatic cap would do 😅 From there she immediately latches onto him, and like Steve recently put it -- Wanda's full of emotion, and it shows.

I think what's made Wanda so great in this series is actually her age. I truly don't know what the fuck the MCU has been smoking because her age changed like, 3 times in canon -- at first she was a higherschooler, then they bumped up her to 24, then WandaVision apparently has her in her 30's (again not currently taking in any new MCU content so I'm just repeating what I've been told her) Apparently, they wanted her young but changed their minds when they proceeded with the Vision romance.

I always enjoyed the concept of her being much younger, which is why I worked her age to be 22 in the Identity Saga. Old enough to be "an adult", young enough to still miss the youth she didn't get.

And that helps a lot with her relationship with Peter. He's like a little brother to her, again filling that hole from Pietro but also giving her a love she can cling onto that's familiar.

MCU Wanda will always be a hero/Avenger in my books, and I truly don't care what canon or her TV show or MoM says. If you wanna talk COMIC Wanda, yeah that bitch psycho and needs some meds. But MCU Wanda started off strong -- we got to see a traumatized female hero get the chance to use her strength, abilities, and smarts to help better the world that broke her so badly. Only instead we got "woman depressed woman crazy woman crazy with superpowers oh no."

Eh, whatever. I like writing this Wanda the way I do. The per-Infinity War/Civil War era gave us some of the best characterizations, if you ask me.

I will say, it IS frustrating to see "strong" female characters be portrayed as unbreakable. The strongest woman cries. The strongest woman screams and yells and shouts that shit isn't fair and it hurts their heart and their soul. But then they keep pushing forward, working *through* that emotion -- unlike most men, who refuse to acknowledge that they even have emotions and because of it that makes them "manly" and "tough". To me, a strong female superhero would absolutely sob and break down and let their emotion show, because in doing so you're able to move past that struggle.

Like Steve said, Wanda is full of emotion. Both good and bad.

#writing #fanfic discourse #fic discourse #fanfiction #wanda maximoff #my wanda maximoff

[cultleads]

casually  monologuing  my  experience  as  a  LGBT  /  mixed  race  person  growing  up  in  a  heavily  religious  household  as  a  child,    sticking  it  under  a  cut  &  tagging  cause  y’know  justin  case,    perfectly  understandable  trigger  in  all  honesty.     I  guess  I  just  wanna  know  if  there’s  people  out  there  who  relate,    or  maybe  I  can  make  somebody  with  similar  experiences  feel  not - so -alone

It’s really such a bizarre thing when I think about it. Replying to mine & my fiancé's rp thread just now it got me thinking about my own experiences. Like most Amuricans I was raised in a Christian household so like... full church experience, endless nonsense shoved down my throat from the moment I was born. It was always wild to me how church (and as I entered my teens, youth groups and church camps etc) were the places I met some of the most vicious, judgemental, awful people I’ve ever known. I was told some pretty awful shit as a child and it’s a place where I experienced a lot of rejection & exclusion.

I had the standard queer kid upbringing where I knew my parents knew I was different, but they didn’t know in which ways, so instead I was constantly silenced, “corrected”, and told to be and do this n that. You know... YOU CAN’T DO X CAUSE YOU’RE X, YOU SHOULDN’T BE LIKE X BECAUSE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE X, YOU CAN’T BEHAVE THAT WAY AROUND X GENDER BECAUSE YOU SHOULD SHOW INTEREST IN X GENDER (even as children so like...funny how they accuse Lefties of being gr**mers when they literally say that shit and encourage heterosexual interactions between kids because believe me THAT DID GO ON), blahblahblah.

It was absolutely WILD to me that later in life, I found out the church allowed in a previously convicted p*doph*le and let him teach the SUNDAY SCHOOL WHICH I WAS IN, and he was forgiven because he “found god”, yet my brother and I were treated like crap because we are (mostly) latinos and were the only people in the church who weren’t 100% white and we were both born with last names that align with our Mexican-Navajo heritage. Like...we were kids, dude??

Also absolutely wild to me that my mother’s best friend in America (my mother is Scandi-British) could forgive her husband who served 25 years for murdering a 16 year old (the perp was an adult btw!) but absolutely could not look me in the eye, ‘forgive’ me, or accept me any longer after my mom told her I am LGBT.

I don’t get all these people who told me and millions of others like me that we were wrong somehow, for wanting to be our authentic selves and live in peace. For just being who we are, loving who we love... And punishing us for it. Because even as a child, none of that felt wrong to me. What felt wrong was the hypocrisy and the madness I could see in the church even from a young age. They could forgive the p*doph*le and the murderer but they hated me & everyone like me for being LGBT, and then later belonging to a single mother who had no money and they let us be homeless.

Thankfully after moving to the UK to get help from my British grandmother (and flee my ‘father’) when I was 11 my mom’s religious discipline started to go down the drain especially after she was treated with disdain for divorcing my “father” who is...downright evil. I’ll leave it at that lmfao! I think when her “friends” abandoned her over it, scolding her for “going against god” rather than putting up with his evil for any longer, she started to see religious cultism for what it is. Not to mention that my  bio “father” after committing a HUGE crime (I can’t say what it is, sry for no deets) apologized TO A REVEREND ABOUT IT, not to my mom, the reverend said “you’re forgiven, your only crime is marrying a woman who left you for your sins” LMAOOO There’s so much nuance and torment growing up in a heavily chri*sti*n household. Especially if you are / later realize you belong to a marginalized group they don’t like. Like I haven’t even touched the tip of the iceberg with any of this, but y’all get it. There’s a reason both my brothers and myself grew up to be heavily, heavily resentful of Chr*sti*nity. But truthfully? Peoples’ faith is not my business. As long as people aren’t using it for oppression or bigotry, I truly do not care or hold against them what they believe. I just have A LOT of trauma and fear surrounding it and I feel myself become ferally aggressive when nearing a church. But the most insane part of it all is that to this day, when backed into a corner and when in a dire situation or one of desperation, I still find myself praying for help & mercy. THAT is how ingrained this shit goes lol. 

I will forever lack understanding as to why something so vague and non-scientific can rule the lives of so many, and why it’s used as such a driving force for evil. Religion is inherently not good. It is separate from faith, that I do believe. Quite literally it is cultism and that’s it. I think my stance & views born from my experiences are easily summed up by this lyric (sorry to quote this guy but it’s an accurate line) :  I never really hated the one true God but the God of the people I hated  

#✧ ⭒ 𝚒𝚛𝚕 𝚌𝚞𝚕𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 ╱ ooc #religion cw #I just thought it was relevant to current events #and y'know it's the inspiration behind this character too #but I wanted to remind people of similar upbringings that there's so many of us out here

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 82 - A Nighttime Visit

Ophelia and Xander are woken up by someone pounding on the door.

Ophelia: What the woohoock! Who the hell is here at midnight?

Xander: It looks like a kid and… wait, is that Greta? Jace? They're supposed to be at their dad's house tonight. What are they doing here?

Jace: This was a dumb idea. We should have just stayed home.

Greta: That place isn't home anymore, not with them. Don't worry, Uncle Xander and Aunt Ophelia are cool. They'll understand.

Their conversation is interrupted when Xander opens the door.

Greta: Ugh, thank Watcher. Took you long enough, it's cold out here.

Xander cuts to the chase.

Xander: What are you guys doing here? Did your dad drop you off? It's the middle of the night.

Greta: We had to get out of there, it sucked.

Xander: You just LEFT?

Xander: Does anyone know you two are here?

Greta: Uh, well, now you do.

Xander: I'm not in the mood for jokes. Get inside.

Greta: Uh, you sound mad.

Xander: I am. Inside, now.

Jace, who is very afraid of the dark, immediately walks in and freaks out. Ophelia does her best to calm him down. She promises to make him and Greta a midnight snack before he goes up to use the bathroom so he doesn't have a bladder failure.

Xander: Let me get this straight. You dragged your brother out of bed and you two walked across town in the middle of the night without telling your parents.

Greta: What's the big deal?

Xander: The big deal is anything could have happened and no one would know where you were.

Greta: Why are you being so uncool about this?

Xander: I'm not being "uncool", I'm reacting how any normal adult would.

Greta: Yeah, like I said, uncool.

Xander: Your mom's going to be really uncool when she finds out what you did.

Greta: Why should I care about how she feels? She doesn't care about how I feel! I told her I didn't want to see him but she made me because she's a total bitch-

Xander: Greta Rose Laurent, you will NOT talk about your mother like that. She's doing what she thinks is right.

Greta: Then she should keep us away from Dad and his new she-devil of a wife! It's not like he cared we were there. He's got his new family. Jace spent all night trying to get him to play catch but all he could focus on was Tiff and Tommy! Jace went to bed in tears!

Xander: I'm sorry you two had a hard night but if it was that bad, Ophelia and I would have come gotten you. What you did was dangerous.

Greta: Why are you being so lame?

Xander: Caring about your safety isn't lame.

Greta: Nothing happened!

Xander: Well something could have. I'll call your mother and tell her what happened. She can deal with telling your father where you are.

Greta: Whatever.

Ophelia spent the entire altercation pulling out some chia seed puddings for the kids, since that's the closest thing they had to a snack in the fridge. Being there for the fight was kind of awkward, but seeing Xander be so parental was… oddly nice?

Greta plops down at the table and groans.

Greta: I thought Uncle Xander would get it! I know he hates Dad too after what he did to you and Mom!

Oh, so Hilary did tell her the whole story.

Greta: I don't want anything to do with him anymore! Why doesn't anyone understand?

Ophelia: Your mom didn't want what happened to ruin your relationship with your dad.

Greta: Why? She knows he's scum and she still forces me to see him? How does she not get it? No one does!

Ophelia: I understand not wanting a relationship with a parent more than you know.

Ophelia: I was disowned. I haven't seen my parents in years.

Greta: Okay, you win.

Ophelia: I'm not trying to "win", Greta. Your mom was trying to do right by you by not denying you a relationship with your dad, but maybe she doesn't understand how much his actions hurt you.

Greta: Everyone says I should forgive him cuz he's my dad but he didn't apologize to me and Jace for turning our lives upside down, for treating you and Mom like dirt! It's llamashit!

Ophelia: Your mom was trying to be fair to you two, but you don't owe your dad a relationship.

Ophelia: Jace was really scared from being out in the dark.

Greta: I know, but-

Ophelia: You were trying to do what's best for him, even if it ended up hurting the person you thought you were helping. Well, your mom was trying to do that with you.

Greta: Yeah, I guess…

Ophelia: Uncle Xander wasn't trying to be mean, but there's a lot of dangerous people out at night. Vampires, werewolves, townies with eyeball rings. Knowing you two were wandering out there all alone scared him.

Greta: I didn't want to scare anyone.

Ophelia: I know.

The boys come back downstairs and while Greta and Jace eat their pudding, Ophelia and Xander talk in the kitchen.

Xander: Greta totally hates me now.

Ophelia: No she doesn't. She acted impulsively because she's a teenager and she was upset she got called out on it.

Ophelia: She'll get over it. The important thing is the kids are safe and accounted for. I think she and Hilary need to have a deeper talk about Greta's feelings about what happened but for now, things will be fine. You got upset because you care about them, that's not a crime.

Greta comes over to wash the dishes and Ophelia gives Xander a kiss on the cheek, quietly whispering in his ear to talk to her again, before she leaves to introduce Jace to Marshmallow.

Ophelia: I think she likes you, Jace!

Jace: Aww, nice kitty.

Marshmallow: why is this hooman so small

Xander: Greta-

Greta: Look, I'm sorry we snuck out, okay? I didn't think about vampires and werewolves and townies with eyeball rings. I just thought you and Aunt Ophelia are cool and would make things suck less for Jace. And me, or whatever.

Greta: So what did Mom say? Am I grounded?

Xander: No, I talked her out of it. I don't think she understood how strongly you felt about what your dad did. She wants to talk to you about it to avoid another situation like this in the future, but she's not going to punish you.

Greta: Oh. Thanks, Uncle Xan.

Xander: I figured I was hard enough on you. Sorry I yelled, kid. Just… cut your mom some slack, okay?

Greta: Okay. Sorry I yelled too. And called Mom a bitch. I guess I didn't understand where she was coming from either. Maybe we do need to talk.

I make my Sims hug so much but idc, I love them and want them to hug.

#The Sims #The Sims 4 #The Sims 4 Legacy #The Lemon Legacy #TS4 #The Sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 #generation 1 #ophelia #xander #jace #greta #marshmallow

[lordofchickens]

In turmoil as always but I'm feeling courteous so I'm putting a cut on this

I'm making small steps to try and improve my life but every step I make has me contemplating jumping off a cliff, what the actual fuck is wrong with my brain. I'm almost 30 I'm sure I can handle a single fucking day of work a week why am I so scared of everything.

I really hate being the stereotype of "guy that lives at home and hates his mom" but I don't feel like I've been prepared for anything by any person or organization that was meant to, my mother more or less admitted that when I was 14 she felt that it was "No longer my responsibility to stop you guys from ruining your lives" because we were talking about when I dropped out of highschool. Meanwhile I'm stood there aghast because that's literally her entire responsibility as a parent. Like fuck how am I not supposed to give up when you clearly did? Ever since I was like 13 I've been incredibly scared of living as an adult cause I realized that at the time I had no idea what that meant or how to do it. She once in the middle of a conversation dropped a "well I know you're depressed" and that's the most she ever did about anything regarding that, I was like 12 at the time, what the fuck was I supposed to do about it??

She often acts like she did so much for my brothers and I but!! fucking when!?! When did you raise us? How much did I apparently miss?? You told me it was illegal to hit girls (not that I even had at the time) when I was like 8 but you never talked to me about regulating my emotions, I had to learn all of that by trial and error. That's legitimately the last thing I remember her actually trying to teach me and it makes me so fucking angry.

I find it incredibly hard to learn from people or ask for help because I've always gotten such piss-poor help from my family, all it feels like they ever taught me is that I should just avoid talking to them so I don't hear their shitty attitudes and ruin my day.

#fine tumblr I'll add a tag #I had a whole conversation with my friend about how I feel like my parents stopped trying when I was 12 #and today I wake up hearing my mom complaining about how she “raised us better” like no! you fucking! didn't! #how many times can you cop out of something by saying “you raised us better” before you realize maybe you didn't!! #I have such a hard time teaching myself anything cause I never planned on being around nearly this long #it's so hard to catch up and I don't know how to start #vent

[henriettasyarn]

The Scientific Method Turning Thirty:

Chapter One - Part One of Three, by @henriettasyarn

Have you ever felt something and then immediately felt like you weren’t allowed to feel that way? Or that, for some reason, that feeling was only reserved for people who “have actually been through something?” I just did this, for probably the one millionth time in my life, and for the first time I told myself, “No, this feeling is valid, you are allowed to have this feeling. This feeling is relevant. This feeling is real.”

            I don’t know if this moment of self-actualization was a result of my first brain-spotting therapy session yesterday or if the sticker on my fridge that reads, “your feelings are valid,” finally stuck, if you will. It could also be the result of one of the other ten variables I’ve thrown into my life since the impending doom of my thirtieth birthday took over my consciousness (and subconsciousness). Just as we were told in 9th grade biology, you can’t isolate the variable if you have no control, and you can’t analyze your hypothesis without dispersing your variables among individual samples — how the hell am I supposed to know what’s working? What is my control, my baseline? Is there even such a thing as a human baseline?

            Yesterday, my very experienced, yet very new to me, therapist had the [dis]pleasure of listening to a summary of my relationship with my husband since we moved in together in February of 2016 (today is December 1, 2023). That summary focused on the multiple degrees we’ve finished and started since we met and the multiple jobs Adam has started and finished since we met. It was a preface to the brain-spotting therapy, in which you are to dial in on a specific anxiety, trauma, phobia, or otherwise thought-controlling parasite, and find its locale in the back of your brain by staring at a little tiny white ball as it slowly moves around your face on X, Y, and Z axes. When asked which anxiety I wanted to focus on for my first session, I chose the “safe” one. I chose my relationship. I only went back 8 years and I was scared of divulging any further because I’m still unsure if any of my childhood struggles qualify as legitimate. But, anxiety and fear and guilt and resentment compound overtime. The “me” I am with Adam is the me that’s evolved from my childhood.

            I know very little about my parents’ relationship. They met in college, they got married in college, they finished college, they had my brother, my dad went back to college, they had me, and then three years later they got divorced. From my mom’s perspective, my dad was not helping her enough with the kids and the house. He was always forgetting to take out the trash and he kept going back to school to get more degrees. He was your average, undiagnosed, ADHD adult. From my dad’s perspective, he was blindsided. He had no idea she was unhappy until the divorce papers were served. As I type this, I’m realizing how much my marriage has been influenced by theirs; a marriage about which I know exactly seven facts. I might harbor some resentment towards them for not trying hard enough. I might give Adam too many chances to get it together because I am horribly afraid of making the same mistakes my parents did. And here I am again, not committing to my feelings: adding qualifiers just in case they’re wrong or invalid. I do resent my parents for not trying harder to stay together for my brother and me. I am actively compensating for this childhood disappointment in my own marriage.

            My mother-in-law, Lena, loves to say the words, “well, you’re stuck with us.” She reminds me that I’m stuck with her/her family at extremely random times, without pattern or reason. It’s her go-to remark after anything happens to which she assumes I might have an adverse reaction. I hate it. Firstly, I am never stuck. I am free. I wake up every day and choose to love Adam. That choice is not a requirement of me by God or anyone; it is derived of my own free-will. Secondly, my choice to love my husband has nothing to do with her or her family. Right now, I feel myself getting worked up and cozying up to cruelty. I’m going to let it ride, this is a journey of self-discovery, after all. I don’t understand my husband’s family. They believe in and worship a false god and their god sucks. Their god is hateful. Their god haunts my husband. Their god has told them to believe that prayer alone can heal a broken bone and that fake, aggrandizing, displays of emotion are the key to salvation. Their god has told them that a woman’s only path to salvation is through childbirth. It is a false god. The disdain that the matriarch, nicknamed “Sprinkles”, has for me oozes out of every orifice of her body. I have ruined her perfect record of great-grandchildren. Adam, her only childless grandchild, married a woman who “isn’t even going to share her breasts.” The quote is there because she actually fucking said that at my sister-in-law’s second wedding.

            Sprinkles is not the problem. Lena is not the problem. Hell, the false god isn’t even the problem. The problem is the masking. Recently, I was at a funeral for a coworker of mine. In his eulogy, the Pastor remarked on how David was the same David to every one he met. Whether he was at church, with family and friends or with co-workers, you always had the same David. The “takeaway” that the Pastor was angling towards was to encourage us, his family, friends, coworkers and fellow parishioners, to be more like David by being our true, authentic selves, no matter the circumstances. It’s a common theme for eulogists, motivational speakers and TikTokers everywhere — just be you and if they don’t love you for you, they aren’t worth keeping around anyways. In opposition to this age-old lesson on authenticity was Adam’s pentecostal upbringing.

#family #toxic christianity #adhd #brainspotting #writer #author #prose #chapterone #memoir #humor #comedy #evangelism #marriage #alabama #deepsouth #pentecostal #therapy #christianity #social commentary #henriettasyarn #original post #original work #original writing