#you should take three or four of them at once from different starting and ending points and let them talk it out together first

[looneyleyle]

the self-destructive habits of a hopeless romantic ~ j. hughes

synopsis: monetizing one's self-sabotaging habits, surprisingly, has its downfalls. one of them being leaving that one attractive hockey player that is an absolute gentleman who loves you with his whole entire heart.

warnings: self-sabotage, self-deprecation, angsty (but with happy ending)

word count: 3425 words

note: once again unedited but i wanted to get this one out there

???'s pov

time and time again, the world has seen the self destructive habits of humans. well, that makes it seem serious. the world has seen the countless missed opportunities due to a fear of another's reaction. the world has seen the blunders due to saving face. the world has seen the heartbreaks due to miscommunication. time and time again, the world has seen how people sabotage their own lives for the dumbest reasons.

esther graham was no different.

in fact, she capitalized on her ability to put herself into the worst emotional distress possible. every heartbreak produced a great work of literature that would nearly sell out in bookstores all over the northeast. she wasn't a new york times best seller by any means, but she was a small town writer from mont vernon, new hampshire. she made a name for herself during her time at hamilton college in their creative writing program. in her junior year of college, she published her first book, woes of a teenage failure, a novel following what could have been for a young college drop out named sophia. the book was a hit amongst her peers and professors, and by word of mouth, ended up selling 200 copies. the book, as ms. graham remarked, was her own "what-if" story, as she almost dropped out of college the beginning of her sophomore year.

and how do i know so much about ms. graham?

well, because i am ms. esther graham.

and i'm here to tell you all about the biggest blunder of my life.

after my first book, i hit major writing block. i would stare at my computer screen for hours just to delete the only three words that i could come up with. i would sit in coffee shops, pen in hand, ready for inspiration to strike, and yet, nothing. i was nearing the end of my college career, riding on the coattails of my first and only book's success, and couldn't figure out how to continue. my professors taught me plenty of ways to try and combat writer's block, but nothing worked.

until i met ryan. a devilishly handsome man all the way from the cheese state of wisconsin, who was meeting up with some college friends for the annual boston beanpot. we had our meet cute at a nearby pizza joint, in which i sat down and started chatting with him, thinking he was a publisher that i was supposed to meet with. after realizing my blunder when he had absolutely no idea what an anthology was, he asked if i wanted to join him and his friends at the beanpot, as one of their friends had cancelled, leaving them with an extra ticket.

ryan and i dated for four months. we would take turns traveling between my college in new york and his in wisconsin until eventually it became too much, or should i say, too little for him, and he broke it off. in my rage and complete depression from the breakup, i wrote my next hit, until the sun sets, a 142-page anthology of gut-wrenching poems, which was eventually integrated into hamilton college's curriculum for their young adult modern literature class. i was quite proud of that.

after that, i found myself yet again staring at blanks screens and empty notepads.

that is, until chloe. a beautiful new york native whom i had actually met while dating ryan. she was a hostess at a restaurant ryan and i would always go to. she was pursuing her masters in psychology, which gave me fascinating insights and tactics to use in my books. we were never officially together, but we had something for almost three months before she was whisked off by some californian named ella. i never saw her again, which prompted my next book, the ninth floor, a murder mystery following a closeted lesbian couple in 1940's hollywood (it was one of the girlfriends the whole time).

at this point, when i hit a creative block for the third time, i realized that i needed my heart or brain to be in absolute shambles in order to produce my best work. i needed to be at some sort of life crisis, and the easiest way to do so was to love another and let that love be ripped out of your life.

so, i began dating for the sake of my career. it was like i sought out the most manipulative, scummy people in the world who were able to get away with it just because they were attractive. over the course of a year, my first year out of college, i dated a total of three men and one woman, and poured my emotions out into a collection of short stories titled lavender.

and that was when i met jack.

i was in new jersey for a book signing at this little bookstore which, as it turns out, was right by the prudential center. as i left the bookstore, i was nearly run over by an overly excited man-child with a giant bag slung upon his shoulder.

"luke, watch out, you nearly killed that woman!" a voice yelled from where the man came from.

"i'm so sorry about that miss, my brother can get a bit overexcited sometimes." looking at the person talking to me, i found a young, very attractive brunet with the most adorable smile. i straightened myself up instinctively, wanting to appear presentable.

"no worries. if you don't mind me asking, what got him so riled up that he almost trampled me?" the man let out a laugh at my statement.

"of course, we owe you at least that much for your near-death experience. he just got nominated for the calder trophy." he explained, as if those words meant anything to me. seeing my blank stare, he clarified. "a rookie of the year award. we play for the new jersey devils." the boy in question came up and joined us, grinning ear to ear.

"ahhh, i see. i'm not a big hockey watcher, which i know is absolute blasphemy for someone who grew up in new hampshire." his jaw nearly dropped.

"you're from up here and don't like hockey? we have to change that." he exclaimed. in my peripheral vision, i could see his brother trying to hide his laughter at his brother's forwardness.

"ill have to come and watch a game sometime." i mused.

"we have a game coming up next week against the blue jackets. i could maybe snatch you a seat in exchange for your number." he proposed. his brother snorted at that, having to turn around to hide his obvious laughter. the man paid his brother no mind, just looking at me with a big smile on his face.

"trying to bribe me mister?"

"is it working?" i put my hand out and he immediately put his phone in my hand, adding my information into his contacts.

"esther? that's nice, you look like a esther." i quirked an eyebrow at him, but continued on anyways.

"and you? what should i call you?"

"call me yours. or jack, either works." the brother was doubled over on the floor at this point, jack finally acknowledging him by kicking him slightly, making him fall over.

"anyways, ms. esther, we have to get going, but ill see you next week at our game." he put out his hand for me to shake.

"you've got yourself a deal jack."

and just like that, jack and i started talking. his eagerness was cute, he texted me no more than ten minutes after meeting me. we talked every day, mainly on calls, asking each other questions and such to get to know each other.

and sure enough, the next week, i found myself back in new jersey watching the brothers play. i assumed jack was going to be some sort of benchwarmer or something, but that didn't seem to be the case. despite my lack of hockey knowledge, i could tell the boy was good, and he had quite a fan base if the amount of women wearing his jersey meant anything. and i felt severely out of place, simply wearing a grey sweater and jeans, unlike everyone else in the stands, decked out in red.

after that, i found myself going to a couple more hockey games, for no particular reason. jack would try to explain the game over video calls and our occasional coffee meet ups, but i couldn't for the life of me wrap my head around it. why do they all get off the ice every five seconds? and what the hell is offsides?? jack always laughed at my confusion, telling me that i'd get it one day.

we spent a couple months thriving off of video chats and once-in-a-blue-moon hangouts, until i got a job as an editor for a local paper. i was good at editing, always having good grammar and an eye for design, but it wasn't my dream. despite it not being my dream, i needed a stable income, and fast. my mind was devoid of ideas, and it didn't seem like that would change any time soon.

plus, it helped that this stable income happened to be in new york city, putting me a lot closer to a certain someone. and, with me being closer, that certain someone would pop on by a lot more than before. and eventually, chinese takeout dinners turned into staying the night, which turned into coming up for the weekend, which turned into the line of friendship being crossed into something more.

and then, i made the dumbest mistake of my life.

i let him go.

now, i know what you must be thinking. he must have done something wrong, he must have cheated or neglected me or done something so completely unforgivable that i would just throw away the most amazing thing in my life. and i wish i was here to tell you that was the truth.

but it wasn't.

jack was nothing but a gentleman, and i was just a broken girl doing the only thing i knew how to do: leave. i like to tell myself that it was for my career, that i needed to write another book, that i wasn't fulfilled in my job and that i was putting myself first by doing this, but i was perfectly content with my life. i was an editor for a major publishing company, i started writing little happy poems about my mundane life with jack, and wanted nothing more. i had no reason to run away. i just woke up in his bed one day and realized that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and i couldn't accept that. i had gotten so used to leaving people that i assumed that they would leave me if i hadn't done so first, and i couldn't lose the one real thing i ever had.

so naturally, my self-destructive, self-sabotaging self let him go, the exact opposite of what i wanted.

and when i got back to my apartment after writing jack a confusing and half-assed letter, i cried. i cried and cried and cried, and i always wrote about characters crying until they couldn't anymore, but that day, i couldn't find the end to my tears. for hours tears would either slowly leak or violently pour from my eyes, and they never did end, not even when i passed out on my couch from exhaustion.

and after a week, i was expecting to pick myself up and start writing my next best seller, coping with my writing. but i sat there, and my florescent computer screen simply sat there, staring back at me. and when i left my apartment for a change of scenery, the blank pages of my notebook mocked me. i flipped through past works, all of them being little poems about jack, and the waterworks continued, right in the middle of a starbucks.

after a week and four days, i couldn't take it. i had to make things right, i had to at least see him. it always worked in the books, right? someone makes a huge mistake, they break up, they see each other again and realize they're both miserable without each other and then get back together and live happily ever after.

when i knocked on the door to jack's apartment, i was met with an unimpressed looking luke. at the sight of him, the waterworks started up again.

"you're an idiot, you know that?" i nodded furiously at this, sobs wrecking through my body. i couldn't see through the tears in my eyes, but i could tell the luke hadn't moved a muscle.

"he deserved better and you know that." i felt my soul being crushed. "i mean, a letter? seriously esther? and a half-assed one at that. i know damn well you don't have a degree in creative writing for that bullshit."

i opened my mouth to explain, but nothing came up. what would i say, that i was a broken person? cop out. that i did it to everyone? not much better. that i got scared? fucking coward.

"if you think that you deserve to see my brother, then i'll let you in." he told me, moving out of the way, door open wide. i just stood there, staring at him through teary eyes. my brain cheered, finally able to go in, but my feet wouldn't move.

my heart still clenched and ached, and with every thought of moving forward, into that apartment, it hurt more. jack didn't deserve this. after all the nights of him reading my poems about him and praising my work, after all the sweet things he'd say when i was down, after all the little acts of kindness he showed me, after all the love he poured into us, he didn't deserve to be broken by me. hurt people hurt people, the scholars had that right. he didn't deserve to be broken.

and so, i got ready to leave, again.

"i'm sorry." was all i said, turning around with heavy legs and a heavy heart. i heard luke let out a sigh as i walked away, closing the door behind him.

a couple of days went by and i found myself back at their apartment. i knew they wouldn't be there, they had an away game in anaheim the night before, and i knew from my time with jack that they would always spend the night in the city before coming back, especially after a win, a 5-0 win no less.

i stood there in front of their door, a small box in my hands, contemplating. jack didn't deserve this, but a selfish part of me needed this. i placed the box gingerly outside of their door and left the building. if the box was taken by some nosy neighbor, or thrown in the trash by some janitor, then it would be fate. it would be a sign to move on. but, there was a chance that jack and luke would come back to their apartment, and would pick up the box, and jack would recognize my handwriting. and, instead of throwing the box in the trash like any normal self-respecting person receiving a box from their shitty ex, he would take it to his room, and open it up to see my notebook, with a bookmark starting at the pages when i first started seeing him. and he would read the poems and maybe, just maybe, he'd see the note written on the bookmark to meet me at the park near his apartment, and maybe, just maybe, he'd be willing to hear me out.

i went to that park every single day for exactly one month and six days, always arriving by 1 pm, never late. and i would stay there until 4 pm, waiting.

on the 37th day, i was sitting there, editing, funnily enough, a sports column about the recent devils and islanders game. i watched it, absolutely terrible game it was, the islanders beating the devils for the first time in the season. our sports journalist, while passionate and very knowledgeable about seemingly every sport out there, had a knack for writing long, run-on sentences that reflected his rambling nature. as i sat there on the same park bench i had been sitting on for the previous 36 days, a figure stopped in front of me. i finished up the sentence i was working on before looking up.

and while i hate cliches, the wind was absolutely knocked out of my lungs.

"h-hey jack." i started, immediately putting away my work, giving him my full attention.

"hey esther." a shiver ran down my spine from him just saying my name. it had been so long, and while it lost its loving tone, i welcomed it with open arms. jack moved, taking the spot next to me, looking out at the trees in front of us. when it became apparent he wasn't going to say anything, i started the conversation.

"i see you read the notebook."

"i finished it three weeks ago." he replied, voice lacking its usual emotion. tears welled up in my eyes. three weeks.

"oh."

"i came here immediately after finishing it." i felt my eyes bulge out of their sockets at that. he continued, "i went to that bench over there and watched as you fidgeted in your spot, looking frantically at everyone who passed by. i watched the next day as you sat in the pouring rain with no umbrella. i sat over on that bench every day that i was here since reading your notebook."

a silence fell upon us, my mind reeling, trying to figure out what he was trying to say, from his emotionless face to the fact that he came.

"do you know how much it hurt? waking up to empty sheets and some half-assed note with the lamest excuses on earth?" i hadn't really paid mind to the tears rolling down my cheeks until he brought that up, sending me back to that morning, quickly scribbling out some gibberish before leaving the best part of my life behind.

"i was going to wait another month, y'know. to see if you were still gonna come here every day."

"so why didn't you?" i asked, sniffling intensely, trying to calm down my sobs.

"luke said i was absolutely miserable without you. coach told me i wasn't focused. my teammates pointed out that i barely left my apartment. the icing on the cake was when my mom started asking if you would be coming over to the lakehouse this summer. i realized, as pathetic as it seems, that i can't live without you."

my attempts at stopping my crying were thrown out the window at that. i could probably fill the hudson river with the amount of tears i had shed over the past two months.

"how can i make it up to you. please, please let me make it up to you." i begged, fully facing him, my hands angrily playing with the sleeves of my shirt because if i didn't, i would be reaching out to the man in front of me.

"never pull that shit again." he bargained, looking me dead in the eyes for the first time in months. and in that moment, i saw just how bad he was doing. sunken eyes with heavy bags, his skin dull, hair slightly unkempt under his hat.

"never again." i promised, putting out my pinky to him, something he would always do when he promised me to not get hurt in games. he let out a hoarse laugh, looking away from me, and when he looked back, i saw the tears brewing in his eyes. he took my pinky in his and held it there, between us.

"now, i'm not gonna just take you right back after all that. that was really shitty and i need some time to get over that. but, as i've found out, i can't really function without you. so maybe you could start with coming to my games again, and i could take you out for coffee next week."

"sounds perfect."

i accepted my life as an editor for the local newspaper, accepted that i probably wouldn't write another page-turning sell-out book, accepted that i was completely content with whatever happened to me, so long as jack was there with me.

and with that, my self-destructive, soul-crushing, heart-breaking tendencies reached their end.

#jack hughes #jack hughes x oc #new jersey devils #fanfic

[carlyraejepsans]

i was thinking about that ask i received the other day and how uncharacteristically upset the topic had made me when i usually just think "mh. gross!" and move on, and after mulling it over a while i realized it wasn't about the topic at all, it was the ask itself that freaked me out. i've mentioned sporadically before (for obvious reasons lol) that i used to be involved in fandom discourse when i was younger and that!! fucked me up quite a lot. between exacerbating my ocd and straight up getting cyber stalked (i almost feel guilty using that word, like i don't deserve it but. yeah that is 100% what happened to me), the topic is something I have very complex and personal opinions on but that i hate talking about in public because it still sets off my fight or flight response.

i know some people in the fandom are like "let me know if i ever rb someone who wrote/drew gross stuff" and that's entirely their choice and i respect it. but for the record, i am not one of these people. please, for the love of god, i am asking this genuinely do NOT come into my DMs about this, I don't want to know. assume I'm either living in blissful ignorance or my blacklist already covers me quite nicely & i wanna keep it that way. i vastly prefer the discomfort of stumbling into something unprepared and deciding what to do about it on my own, to the utter pit of dread i get whenever i open a message that starts with "hey just so you know-". i have blocked multiple people in the past over it. i WILL block more. be warned.

[note. this doesn't apply to people who have either hurt or behaved inappropriately with other members of the fandom, or spread bigotry and discrimination like racists and transphobes. please do let me know in those cases]

does this make sense? idk I'm kinda feverish you guys figure it out. I'm going to sleep.

#word from the wise for anyone peering into the jaws of discourse. there are only 2 types of people you can trust on their opinions on it #they are 1) people who have never heard of ship discourse like. at all. and 2) people who know too much about it #and with that i mean people who started off at one end of the discourse ricochetted to the other side and then came out #objectively refusing to associate with any of it. because they Know. that whatever issue lies at the heart of it is never gonna get resolve #with the way that discourse is conducted. and that the problems will never truly be fixed. and even then #you should take three or four of them at once from different starting and ending points and let them talk it out together first #because they all came from different point of views the others could've missed #i cannot WARN YOU ENOUGH. you do not want to be the second type. don't fall in #block who you wanna block and be kind any time you can. most people aren't inherently evil & that's a weird thing to assume about someone #and for the love if god stop fucking beefing with teenagers online #that is all you need to know about this. go have fun #i haveee so many fucking. thoughts about this topic i genuinely think i could have (and have had! seriously!) constructive discussions on i #about what would be helpful and what needs to be changed and what people get wrong. but it's always in private. because of the horrors #anyway shipping wars veteran discounts when

[neoarchipelago]

No but imagine finding zombie!ghost. He obviously is different, doesn't try to attack you, his jaw looks broken. He steps away from you as soon as he realizes you're in the same room. You take pity on him, and you lower the gun pointed on his head. Very contradictory, ending him would probably end his suffering. But there's something in his white dead eyes that shows an ounce of something.

You Cary on your way but remain in the same small town. You see him run around once in a while, fighting other zombies. He's one of the fastest zombies you've seen since the outbreak. It sends chills of terror through your body. Sometimes you catch his eye as you rummage through some leftovers left in the houses. He tilts his head, once he even seems to keep away an undead that got too close.

But that couldn't be true. After all... he's just a corpse... infected by a brain controlling virus.

After two weeks of seeing him, from afar and sometimes way too close, you start to wonder what's so different about him. You lay awake in the bed of an abandoned bedroom after you've secured the house you're in. Until you hear footsteps. Quite ones. Human ones.

You panic and rush to jump on your knife, ready to fight but the door flies open and a large man jumps on you, you kick and fight, stabbing him in the shoulder blade but he pins you down. And you think it's over, that's it. Until a common growl is heard. And suddenly it's him, dragging the man on top of you away. Scratching at his throat while blood gushes out. You want to throw up but you're so shocked you can't look away.

When the man doesn't move anymore, he turns to you, looking at you and tilting his head. You tried to catch your breath. He just saved you. Now you're sure he's different. You crawl to him and he takes a step back. You raise your hands in surrender and you watch him fall to his knees. You scan his attire, a military man obviously. You can't seem to find a name. Until you remember that they have dog tags. You scoot closer, he flinches.

"I just... want to see your dog tags. Do you understand?"

What are you doing? Talking to a zombie who probably doesn't understand you anymore. That simply has a tiny bit of humanity left. Probably not for long. Your hands raise slowly and he doesn't move. Your heart is beating so fast and so loudly in your ears. When your fingers touch his cold neck you shiver, trying to touch a hint of a chain. Until you do. And you slowly retrieve the tags from underneath his vest.

"Lt. Simon 'ghost' Riley." You read. "Simon..." he growls almost annoyed. "Ghost?" You try. He lowers his head.

You don't know if you're in shock or dreaming. You scan his vest, a hint of paper in one of his front pockets intriguing your brain. You point at it.

"Can I see?"

He doesn't make a move so you tempt it. You retrieve it, it's a picture. A squad with four men. Him, obviously and three others. Behind, 'task force 141' is roughly scribbled.

"your team... are they dead?"

No answer. As if he could speak.

"you're... looking for them?" You tempt, frowning slightly.

He growls. Yes. He is. He's kept his humanity for a little while. Because he wants to find his team.

You sigh, putting back the picture in his pocket carefully and his dog tags in his vest. You keep scanning him, looking at his attire his face, the blood and dirt.

"We should get you a little cleaning..." you say mindlessly. He tilts his head.

He saved your life. You owe him. You owe this undead man. Should you help him? After all... you aren't busy with anything else but surviving.

#fanfics #fanfiction #fanfic #simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost cod #cod mw2 #zombie ghost #zombie simon riley

[moonlightsolo]

i see you.

summary: being the product of a secret relationship between a human scientist and a na’vi comes with its perks. one of them being neteyam sully.

pairing: neteyam x fem!na’vi/human reader

warnings: heavvyyyyyyy smooching, angry jake, mention of parent dying/leaving, also things get a lil spicy, one use of y/n.

note: tell a friend to tell a friend she’s baaaaaack !!!!! i haven’t written something in so long so my grammar is kinda shit, so if you see something that doesn’t make sense ignore it! anyway- reader & neteyam are aged up to twenty years old. also reader is 6ft since she’s na’vi/human, but she’s still small compared to him since he’s like 8’2. 

part two | part three | part four | part five

no one knew how it happened- how you happened. how a human scientist and na’vi mated; it should have been impossible, but somehow they made it possible. 

your mother travelled from earth to pandora to study the native species of the omaticaya clan. during her studies, one particular na’vi caught her eye, and sooner than later they developed a secret relationship and fell deeply in love. 

they were inseparable- he taught her the ways of the forest and showed her how the na’vi live day to day. while your mother brought him along to collect samples of the environment around her, and he kept her safe as they explored.

the battle between the sky people and the na’vi, unfortunately ended with your father dying at the hands of your mothers colleagues. the omaticaya finally won, but when the rest of the human soldiers were sent back to earth, your mother was stuck. 

she was unable to travel in cryosleep while carrying you, so she was forced to stay on pandora and live out the rest of her pregnancy on the foreign planet. 

the only person who knew the identity of your father, was your mother and grace. everyone else assumed some soldier knocked up your mom, but boy, were they wrong. 

when you were born, your eye shape and color of your skin resembled your mothers, but the color of your irises were a deep amber, almost glowing yellow. darkened skin-colored stripes decorate your body head to toe, and white freckles adorn your facial features. 

the secret was out- you’re half na’vi, and half human. 

once the clan found out the scientists child is part na’vi, they took you under their wing to teach you their ways. your mother became extremely jealous, knowing that she could never be accepted by them like you have.

at the mere age of four, your mother left the base to travel back to earth without you. leaving you under the care of norm, max, jake and the rest of the clan.

thankfully being part na’vi and human, you’re able to breathe both types of air. mo’at became your motherly figure once your mom disappeared, quickly helping you adapt to their lifestyle in the forest.

over the years, you started to realize that you were different from the other na’vi children. you’re shorter in height, aren’t as fast, and you didn’t have their azure-colored skin. but somehow, you still felt as if you were a part of them. 

you became close to neytiri and jake’s kids, mostly kiri. you grew up with her and neteyam, but as you blossomed into a woman you wouldn’t dare to look him in the eyes. 

fearing that he’d realize your true feelings for him if he stared into them too long. 

throughout your teen years, you casually dated a few na’vi boys, but none of them were neteyam sully. nobody could compare, you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. 

even now as a young adult, those old feelings can’t be choked down anymore. the same feelings you had about the eldest sully boy when you were younger. 

“stop drooling.” kiri teases you under her breath as her hands work to weave a basket. 

you’re knocked out of your trance, head whipping to face her. “no! i am not drooling.” you scoff and shake your head as you continue tucking leaves into the correct shape. you can feel your cheeks burning hot from her catching you staring at her older brother. 

you glance up from your working hands, admiring how neteyam effortlessly spears a fish in the water that he’s standing ankle-deep in. he lets out a triumphant laugh as lo’ak hollers proudly at him from the grass. 

“yeah, bro! get that fiiiiiish!” the younger boy whoops happily with his hands cupped around his mouth to amplify the sound.

the older brother turns his head to see who else could have noticed the catch, barely making eye contact with you before your eyes drop back down to your hands. 

swiftly, you busy yourself with tucking the leaves into each other. your pointed ears twitch slightly when you notice the sound of rustling water growing closer. 

kiri nudges your arm with her shoulder which confirms your suspicions.

he’s walking up to you. why is he walking up to you? you didn’t say anything to him. you didn’t even get a good look at him. there’s no reason for him to come over here.

from your peripheral vision, you can see his feet stop right in front of you in the glittering water. “hey guys.” he speaks softly, almost out of breath.

“hey, neteyam!” kiri quips at him, eyeing you from the corner of her eye with an evil grin.

the sound of his panting voice makes your heart  skip a beat and your abdomen constrict your breathing. you push the basket away from your nervous hands to rest them on your knees. your eyes carefully drag up the lanky expanse of his body, meeting his eyes with your own.

“oh hey, neteyam. how’s… um- the fishing going?” you hum nervously, chewing on your bottom lip out of a nervous habit. 

you can’t help but notice his hands are resting on his slender hips with his infamous bright smile on his face. 

“it was good. caught a few big ones…” he huffs out another strained breath. the sound makes you want to fall over, “what are you guys doing?” his eyes dart over to the trees for a split second before squatting down in front of you and kiri. 

his big round eyes look over your unfinished baskets, reaching out to touch yours gently. 

“hey! don’t touch. you’ll ruin it.” kiri swats at his grabby hands, making him raise his arms in surrender. “okay, okay!” he laughs. 

the sound of rustling leaves distracts you from the boy in front of you, making you and kiri turn to look behind your backs. before you could even make it halfway, his hands wrap around your wrists to yank you forward. 

“shit!!” you yelp before you face-plant into the chilly water, gurgling under the surface before lifting your head up, taking a sharp breath.

muffled laughter fills your ears as you sit up in the pond, pushing your soaked hair out of your face and off of your ears so you could hear. 

neteyam is sitting in the pond directly in front of you, hand laying across his abdomen as he belly laughs along with lo’ak. 

kiri is already climbing out of the water, grumbling under her breath and wringing out her hair. “screw you guys.” she calls back, flipping her middle finger before disappearing into the thick forest towards home. 

you look back at neteyam and lo’ak who are slightly calming down between their fits of laughter. “you… should… see… your… face… right… now!” neteyam cackles, throwing his head back in the air. 

“best idea, bro.” lo’ak reaches over to high five his brothers shoulder and to use him to pull himself out of the water. he grabs neteyam’s hand to help him up next, both of them still giggling.

“this was your idea?” you stare up at neteyam with squinted eyes and a scowl on your face. 

the boy audibly gulps when he notices your changed demeanor, his hand going to scratch the back of his neck. “uuhh, yeah… maybe?” he clears his throat, darting his eyes away from you. 

for a moment, you keep the angry facade before your arm winds back and you send your hand through the water to splash the older boy. 

“woah!” neteyam blocks the water with one of his hands, a surprised smile instantly forming on his perfect lips.

he swoops down towards the water, sending a wave directly into your face. “hey!” your eyebrows furrow, quickly getting onto your knees to send another burst of water towards him. 

lo’ak watches the scene unfolding in front of him, noticing that the rest of the fish swam away from the commotion. “guess we’re done fishing today.” he sighs in defeat and climbs out of the pond without either of you noticing. he follows kiri’s footsteps into the forest with the basket of fish over his shoulder.

you and neteyam continue battling it out, which ends in both of you completely soaked head to toe. “truce! truce!” you yell out in exasperation, falling back into the water. 

“my stomach hurts from laughing. i can’t anymore.” you continue to giggle as neteyam helps you up from your position in the water. he slowly trails behind you as you trudge back towards land, his tall stature towers over you from behind. he reaches out to grip your hips to lift you onto the plush grass. 

the feeling of his hands resting on your body makes your blood run hot, cheeks flaring with heat. 

“we’re drenched. what are we going to tell everyone?” he breathes out heavily with a soft chuckle. 

“we slipped and fell into the water?” you suggest and look up at him.

“we just happened to both slip and fall into the water together?” his eyebrows raise, and his cheeks puff out air in attempt to not laugh.

unfortunately, neteyam decides to look down at you which makes both of you burst into laughter again, “that idea is so stupid.” he choked out, pressing his fist to his mouth to stifle his little laughs. 

“let’s go back. we can figure it out on the way.” you sputter out, hunching over slightly as you walk forward in attempt to stop your giggles.

“hey, wait!” neteyam’s voice is suddenly serious, and you can’t feel his height looming behind you anymore.

you turn around at the sound of his voice, seeing he’s still in the same spot he was standing in. “i don’t want to go back yet.” he admits, his big round eyes darting down to his feet. 

you can feel your heartbeat grow faster, pattering against your chest like a jackhammer. “why not? you okay?” you take a hesitant step forward to stand underneath him, looking up in attempt to read his facial features.

by now, the sun is starting to set. the foliage around you both is slowly changing over, the white freckles in each others skin sparkling under the moonlight. 

his yellow eyes shyly look into yours, a timid smile twitching up onto the corner of his lips. 

“m’fine, i promise. i just want to stay here for a little longer. i don’t want to go back just yet.” he mumbles softly, a puff of his breath fans over your face from your close proximity. 

you can’t help but feel giddy from his words, unable to stop yourself from reaching your hand out to rest on his waist. your thumb absentmindedly rubs circles against his soft skin, “do you mind if i stay with you?” 

“do i mind?” he scoffs with a roll of his eyes, throwing his head back with an over-exaggerated sigh. 

embarrassment floods your body, making your ears ring from the blood rushing through your head. out of fear he’s angry with you, your hand pulls away from him, “oh i’m sorry. i’ll go then.” you start to turn the opposite way but he grabs your hips to keep you in place. 

“are you serious? you really don’t get it do you?” he almost laughs out of amusement, but you can’t help but feel even more confused. 

“i want you to stay here with me. i want you.” one of his hands come up from his side, bending down slightly to carefully tuck your hair behind one of your ears. 

your face stays emotionless as your eyes dart from his eyes to lips and back. “say something. anything?” he begs and shakes his head at you with an amused smile. 

“‘teyam…” you breathe out, a big smile beaming across your face, hands reaching up to cup his cheeks; something you could’ve only dreamed of doing. “i can’t tell if you’re being serious.” you whisper softly in the small amount of space between your faces.

“i’m gonna kiss you now to show you how serious i am.” he looks directly into your eyes before they flutter shut and he leans forward. 

the feeling of his lips on yours makes your knees go weak. neteyam sully is really kissing you right now. your arms wrap around his waist tightly to hold yourself up, which he quickly notices. 

his large hands drag down your sides and over your butt to grip the back of your thighs to hoist you up to his height. your legs instinctively wrap around his waist, ankles locking against his lower back. 

the new position allows him to deepen the kiss even more by gently wiggling his tongue against yours. he stumbles forward to a nearby tree, pressing your back against the trunk of it. 

it’s not like he’s having trouble carrying you, you’re equivalent to a feather for him. he just wants you closer. 

one of his braids falls in your face, swinging and tapping your cheek whenever your lips would connect.

“your hair…” you giggle against his lips, bringing your hand up to his face to tuck it back behind his ear. 

“sorry, they have a mind of their own, ya know.” his husky voice mumbles deeply into your ear, making goosebumps rise on your skin. 

your eyes flutter open to be met with the glowing forest, neon colors lighting up the vegetation around you both. you’ve been on this planet for twenty years and it still surprises you every day. 

neteyam pulls back to look you in the eyes, letting you admire his face for a moment. his blue skin seems brighter under the bioluminescent foliage. especially with the gleaming freckles that paint his skin. 

“ma neteyam, you’re so pretty.” your hand cups his soft cheek which he nuzzles into your palm almost instantaneously.

“no, you’re the pretty one, my girl.” he leans forward to peck your lips once more. the little nickname makes your stomach do somersaults in your belly. his tail flicks up happily against your ankle, tickling your lower leg.

neteyam takes the time to gently kiss down your neck and over your collarbone, “i want you to be mine.” he almost whimpers. his nose nuzzles against your pulse point as his lips continue litter your neck with kisses. 

“will your parents approve?” your voice slightly quivers, “you’re next in line to become eytukan. i’m not a full-blood. i don’t think-.” your rambling is paused by his lips pressing against the tip of your nose. 

“i don’t care what they think. plus, you know my dad likes you.” he gives you a reassuring smile, bringing one of his hands up to cup your cheek. you can’t help but take note that his palm and fingers cover the entire side of your head. 

“yeah, but your mom…” you trail off, not wanting to seem rude by talking about his mother, but you know that she has a problem with humans. you’ve seen the way she looks at spider. 

“look, i’m half-blood too. i don’t think my mom is going to care, plus you’ve been around our family for years. she likes you, i promise.” 

“i’m not one of you. i’m different, neteyam.” you let out shakily, “i’m small and not as fast, i can’t keep up with you.” your eyes dart to the side as you chew on the skin of your lip. 

“look, i know she can be tough, but i promise you, i don’t care what she thinks. since i was a teenager, i realized that i wanted you. i wasn’t brave enough to tell you that until now, but i don’t give a shit about our differences.” his hand grips your jaw with his hand, turning your face towards him so he can look into your watery eyes. 

“i see you, y/n.” his doe-like eyes flicker over your face, trying to read your expression. his eyes are full of adoration and love for the girl in his arms. 

your breath gets caught in your throat, “and i see you.” both of your hands slide up from his chest to rest on either side of his face, pulling him in for another kiss. 

on the way up, you accidentally brush against the voice comm device on his necklace. not knowing it would activate and relay sound through his father’s, mothers, and lo’ak’s ear piece. 

you both gasp into each others mouth when he ruts his hips against your center, the pressure pins your hips to the tree behind you. 

“what is that sound? who has their comm on?”you hear a low muffled voice coming from somewhere. 

neteyam instantly pulls away from the heated kiss, eyes wide with terror and embarrassment. your lips parting lets off a loud suction noise when he pulls away, now making it obvious what the sounds were coming from.

neteyam holds you up with one arm while he uses the other to click on a button on his necklace to turn it off, “it’s my dad.” 

“it’s just neteyam sucking face.” you hear lo’aks voice come through clearly in his ear piece. 

the boys head falls forward to rest on your chest, letting out the loudest over-exaggerated groan of annoyance. the puff of his hot breath against your damp skin makes a shiver shoot down your spine.

you can’t help but giggle and gently pet the top of his head in attempt to console him, “i’m never going to live this down.” he speaks against your skin, grumbling obscenities under his breath. 

“neteyam! where are you, boy?” jake shouts into his ear. 

he taps your thigh to signal you to release your grip from around his waist. he gently lowers you back down to the ground before answering him, “i’m here, dad. i’m here.” 

you can’t help but lean your head on his elbow since that’s the only place you can reach. you grab one of his hands, bringing it to your face to examine it. 

you thread your fingers through his much larger ones, squeezing his hand with your own. you almost laugh at how his hand engulfs yours. 

“yeah, mmmhmm. yeah, okay. i hear you. lo’ak shut up. i got it. we’ll be there soon.” neteyam responds to whoever is talking in his ear. 

“is everything okay?” you mumble quietly, peering up at him through your eyelashes. 

“they want us to come back, but i think everything is okay.” he smiles down at you, pulling you into his side while still holding your hand. 

neteyam leads you through the thick brush of the forest to his ikran. the banshee chirps at the sight of it’s owner, fluttering it’s wings in excitement. “hey, buddy.” neteyam hums and rubs it’s head. 

he reaches around his back for his braid, bringing it forward to make bond with the animal. neteyam effortlessly mounts onto the bird, reaching a hand out for you to take.

you step forward to slide your hand into his so he could help you on and get situated. “hold on tight.” he peers down at you from behind his shoulder with a smirk before the ikran nosedives off of the tree branch. 

“oooohhhhh my god!” you screech as your arms desperately flail around his waist, holding onto him as tightly as you can. 

he can’t help but laugh at your scream once he levels out, now coasting through the sky through the floating mountains. one of his hands reaches back to grip your thigh to pull you even closer to him. 

you hesitantly open your eyes, looking down into the glowing scenery beneath you. “beautiful, right?” his voice raises over the loud whooshing of the wind. 

“i love it.” you squeeze his torso tight, snuggling your temple into the crook of his back as you coast through the air. 

the ikran dips down slightly, making you gasp and tighten around his body. neteyam chuckles, his hand rests on your leg to slowly rub gentle circles into your skin to calm you. 

“hold on, we’re gonna descend.” he leans forward with the ikran, plunging downwards toward the ground once again. you squeal loudly, wriggling behind him in attempt to get closer to him. 

neteyam chuckles, shaking his head as he weaves and bobs between trees to make it back home. the ikran vertically swoops up into the large crevasse in the cave floor, landing on the rocky floor. 

neteyam hops easily off the ikran, disconnecting tsaheylu before his hands grip your waist to lift your body up to place you on the ground next to him.

“what were you guys thinking staying out past curfew?” jake storms up to you both, obviously angry. 

“i know, but i can handle myself. i know how to fight.” neteyam grumbles back, making jake even angrier with his son. if steam could shoot out of his ears at this moment, it would. 

“i know that you know how to fight, son. but the rda, they could be roaming anywhere. it’s dangerous, especially putting her in that situation.” he looks down at you, then turns his attention back to his son.

before jake could lecture him even more, you decide to intervene, “i’m sorry, sir. it’s all my fault we stayed out. i persuaded him to stay… to uh- fly around,” you glance up at neteyam through the corner of your eye, “i take full responsibility.” you nod at jake, gulping down your nervousness. 

jake sighs as he rubs his temples with one of his hands, “so then what’s the reason why both of you are soaked?” he points out, making you instantly freeze from not knowing what to say. 

neteyam’s hand comes up to rest on your shoulder, “to be honest, we were wrestling in the water.” 

your eyes blow wide from his words, turning to him to stare daggers into the side of his face. 

“wrestling… in the water?” jake almost laughs, “look i didn’t need to know that much. you couldn’t come up with a better excuse than that?” 

“oh shit.” neteyam whispers under his breath, “no, dad, it’s not like that at all. i meant… we were just splashing each other after fishing. it wasn’t anything like that.” 

“look, you two just be safe and keep it on the down-low. and next time, please take off your comm, ‘kay?” jake lowers his voice before shaking his head in disbelief and turning on his heel to head back. 

“so he thinks we had sex then, huh?” you breathe out defeat, looking up at neteyam. the boy lets out a huff of air as he watches his father walk away, “yeah i guess so.” his voice has a slight tinge of humor to it. 

the hand resting on your shoulder pulls you into his side with a little chuckle. he starts walking with you toward the pod where the scientists sleep. 

he follows you up the steps to the door, pausing a few steps down before you could open it. his face now parallel to yours since you’re higher on the stairs. 

you smile down at him, reaching out to gently pinch his chin to pull his face forward. you press your lips against his softly, as if he was a delicate flower petal. “i had fun tonight.” you mumble with a smile against his lips before pulling back. 

neteyam presses forward to chase your lips with his, trying to breathe in as much of you as he could. “don’t wanna let you go yet… wanna kiss you more.” he desperately pulls you forward to kiss you again, sucking in a sharp breath. 

your arms lazily drape over his shoulders to kiss him slowly, and tantalizingly. he sucks your bottom lip between his teeth, gently nibbling the skin before making his way down to nuzzle into the crook of your neck. 

“gotta go to bed before my mother has me by my throat.” his words make you laugh as you twirl one of his braids between your fingers. 

“tomorrow i wanna take you somewhere. will you let me?” he pulls back with a smile, thumb rubbing the skin of your outer thigh. 

“of course, i would love to. but where though?” you question with your fingers still busy messing with his hair. 

“it’s a surprise.” he hums playfully making your eyebrows furrow from curiosity of where it could be. 

“i love surprises.” you grin, leaning forward to peck his lips once more before attempting to completely pull away. neteyam groans from the warmth of your body leaving him, his arms wrap around your legs to keep you in place. 

“don’t leaaaaave.” he whines, resting his chin on your chest to look up at you. 

“i need to shower and clean up before bed. plus your mother is going to have your throat, ya know.” you poke his little pink nose, making his face scrunch up cutely.

“you’re right, you’re right.” he grumbles sadly, patting your outer thigh before he completely pulls back and stands up straight. he leans forward to swiftly peck your lips, “just needed one more, m’sorry. i’ll see you tomorrow.” he turns around to climb down the rest of the steps. 

“goodnight, neteyam!” you shout at him as you unlatch the metal door. 

he turns around at the sound of your voice, “goodnight.” he whisper-yells back at you as he slowly walks backwards to watch you slip inside. 

neteyam’s smile on his face doesn’t falter, not even for one second. the only thing on his mind is you. he never would have imagined that his day would have ended like this. confessing his feelings to you, and kissing you goodnight. it’s almost as if he’s living through a fantasy his younger self dreamed of. 

the excitement of you makes him toss and turn throughout the night; it makes him nervous, knowing that he is already head over heels for you and in too deep- but all he can worry about now, is seeing you tomorrow. 

-

tags: @k----a27s @aspenreadsfanfic @aliseaaah

#neteyam sully x y/n #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam sully x you #neteyam x reader #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #avatar x reader #avatar x you #avatar x y/n #neteyam x omaticaya!reader #avatar twow #avatar #neteyam #i see you series

[mindfulstudyquest]

“ dopamine detox ,, and why you should delete all your social media right now

"just five more minutes" and then you end up scrolling on instagram or tiktok for hours. i know that feeling. even if you know rationally that focusing on the really important things ( such as studying, working, learning from books or whatever ) is much healthier for you and your future, you can't help it.

you know that start studying for the exam you have next week will benefit you much more in the long run, but you still prefer watching tiktoks and scrolling on instagram. you could say that is pretty obvious: one activity is easy, and doesn't require much effort, whereas the other one is difficult and implies that you are focused.

but it's actually like this? so then why some people manage to be consistent in studying, or working, or exercising? they simply just have more motivation than you? and how can you start having the same motivation as them?

to answer this question, we have to take a look to a very important molecule produced by our brain: dopamine.

dopamine is often considered a pleasure molecule, but it's a false belief. dopamine is actually the molecule that makes us desire things, and it's that desire that gives us the motivation to complete every kind of task. for example, your brain doesn't release dopamine while you're eating a cheesburger, it releases it while you're going to mcdonald's to buy it, because you anticipate that the food will make you feel good, even if it actually makes you feel worse.

to your brain, it doesn't matter if the high-dopamine-activity is damaging to you.

your brain organizes priorities based off how much dopamine is expecting to get:

if an activity releases too little dopamine, you won't have the motivation to accomplish it.

if an activity releases a lot of dopamine you'll be motivated to do it, and repeat it over and over

so, which activities releases dopamine? basically, any activity where you can get an immediate potential reward releases an high amount of dopamine. but if you know that there's not an immediate reward invoved ( such as in studying, where the reward is in the long run ) your brain will not expect to release much of it and you'll be less motivated to do that task.

nearly everything releases some amount of dopamine, even drinking water when you're thirsty, but the highest amount of it is released when you're getting a reward randomly, for example while playing on a slot machine. even if you loose money, you eventually expect to get a bigger reward.

therefore it is not so surprising that the most additive social networks ( tiktok, instagram, pinterest ) are designed as slot machines. you don't know what the next post or video will be, but you expect something great, so your brain releases a large amount of dopamine.

in today's society our brains are overloaded with stimuli that induce an unnatural production of dopamine ( scrolling on social media, playing video games, watching internet pornograhy, etc. ).

it's frightening that people don't know how harmful this lifestyle is: our bodies have a biological sistem called homeostasis, which means that our bodies keep the internal physical and chemical conditions at a balanced level, whenever an imbalance occurs, our bodies adapt to it, for example, when it's very hot our body temperature rises and we start sweating to cool down.

but homeostasis manifests through tolerance too. for example, someone who hardly ever drinks alchool will be tipsy after one beer, on the other hand, someone who drinks alchool on a regular basis will need two, three, four beers in order to get drunk, because their body has developed a tolerance to it. it's not much different with dopamine.

so if you get used to large amounts of dopamine, you won't be able to do the things that you did before, because they don't produce as much dopamine and it's more difficult to motivate yourself to do them. once your dopamine tolerance gets too high, you are no longer able to enjoy low dopamine activities.

as if you were a drug addict, there's only one way to get out of it: you have to perform a dopamine detox. you have to avoid all high dopamine activities in order to allow your body to adjust to a normal level of dopamine production and start finding motivation again in the things that improve your personal growth.

it's not easy, you will be nervous and frustrated, maybe you won't make it through a full day without social media, but day by day it will get better and better, and eventually you'll be able to appreciate small things again.

imagine that you're eating your favorite food - for example, chocolate cake - every single day. after a while, chocolate cake doesn't taste good as before, even if it's literally the same cake. on the other hand, if you eat it once a month, it will taste great, because it's not something you've gotten used to.

this is exactly what dopamine detox does. be safe guys, and start recovering now.

[ source: https://youtu.be/9QiE-M1LrZk ]

#academia #college #education #note taking #school #student #study aesthetic #study blog #study inspiration #study motivation #studyspo #study notes #university student #architecture student #study tips #studyblr #studyinspo #dopamine #dopamine detox #university life #uni life #university #architecture

[seokgyuu]

growing up with heeseung, jay and sunghoon you never once imagined them being anything more to you than your childhood best friends - and to some extent you're correct: they remain your gross boy best friends up until college, when suddenly things start to feel different. with all of them.

✧ heeseung x fem!reader, jay x fem!reader, sunghoon x fem!reader ✧

✧ childhood friends to lovers, fake dating trope, college setting, story begins in childhood and leads us through all the important phases ✧

✧ this work contains: intended lowercase, poor tries at comedy, simp!hee, simp!hoon & simp!jay as well as very oblivious reader, jake as the first ever boyfriend, hanni, chaewon and beomgyu have a cameo ✧

✧ warnings! mentions of bullying, smut (MDNI), more to be added if needed. ✧

hi! for my very first enha fic I have decided to open a taglist! You can join it by sending me an ask, so that I can keep track.

taglist: open

current word count: 4k

estimated word count: 15-20k

posting date: tba

taglist: @kgneptun, @deobitifull, @lovelickies, @tinie03, @moon4moony, @sousydive, @jebetwo, @haechology, @wooziswife, @havetaeminforbreakfast, @vannabanana1995, @nctislifue , @wiley199, @lovgfrd, @heegyuwrld, @caravm, @adoredbyjay, @notevenheretbh1

teaser

the principal's office could really use an interior designer, you think. or just a whole renovation at this point. the ceiling is showing signs of leakage, there is paint peeling off the walls behind the desk. and the desk itself, jeez, principal higgs should have gotten rid of it ages ago, you keep telling him!

“how many visits will that be for the week?” he doesn’t even look up from whatever he was writing as he says this. you shift on your seat and look to your left where jay is tapping his fingers on the armrest of the uncomfortable chair and heeseung next to him is just staring at the principal’s receding hairline. meanwhile sunghoon to your right is silently plotting your death.

since none of the boys speak up, you clear your throat.

“the fourth, sir,” you say with a smile you think is charming but it actually isn’t. principal higgs sighs and puts his pen down as well as his glasses, massaging the bridge of his nose.

“thank you, miss y/l/n,” he replies, “and how many more times are you planning to sit in these horribly uncomfortable chairs this week?”

“none, sir,” you continue, the smile still playing on your lips. the older man behind the desk closes his eyes for a second.

“you say that every time and yet here we are again. so, what did you do this time? did you accidentally fall and hit mr. park in the face again?” he looks at jay, who rolls his eyes at the reminder, “well, he doesn’t look like he got a black eye. so, what is it?” 

when even you don’t respond, avoiding the principals eyes as he opens them again and the boys are all hopeless cases anyways, mr. higgs takes a deep breath and puts his glasses back on. 

“fine. let’s see,” he pulls on the stack of papers he has gotten from his secretary and looks at it with his lips pursed. all four of you shift on your seats now.

“alright then. mr. lee, as it seems you… put several worms in mr. sim’s locker?” higgs eyebrow pierces up and heeseung coughs. 

“and mr. park, jay, you… sabotaged mr. sim’s chair so that he fell on to his backside and then told him to “go suck it”?” jay snorts, still tapping against the armchair and not looking at the principal. higgs takes a deep breath.

“mr. park, sunghoon,… you held out your leg for mr. sim to fall over… almost twenty-three times in one day.” 

sunghoon has to concentrate not to look too proud of himself.

“and finally, miss y/l/n. you yelled at mr. sim in front of your whole class, saying, and i quote “you’re a stupid asshat anyways, i hope you trip and break your butt, you ugly little worm”.” 

you smile innocently. 

“you also kicked him in the shins, as a grand ending gesture, as mrs. james was kind enough to write down for me.” 

he puts the notebook down and looks at the four of you.

“come on you guys, i know you like to play harmless pranks on teachers. like to make one joke too many in class. but this? if mr. sim’s parents hear about this, and they will, there could be consequences that even i can’t hold back.”

#enhypen fanfiction #enhypen smut #enhypen x reader #jay x reader #heeseung x reader #sunghoon x reader #jake x reader #enhypen fic #enhypen imagines #enha x reader #enha fluff #enha smut #enha fanfiction #enhypen fluff #enhypen au #enha au #enha imagine

[frostbitebakery]

LOUD.

part one two three four five six seven eight

“So you thought sacrificing a Jedi was the,” the deep breath Obi-Wan has to take to remain calm shakes through him like rolling thunder, “right choice?”

“I,” Quinlan starts and stops. Hunches his shoulders and disappears into himself. “Yes,” he whispers after a long pause.

So it wasn’t the only choice but the right one. Oh, Quin, he wants to ask, when did it start?

.

“Walk with me, Master Vos.”

Some members of the Council huff in annoyance. But once in a while he’s got to throw his weight around as Head of the Order and this is one of such times.

Yoda and Depa wear the exact same expression on their faces which, he admits, is disconcerting whenever it happens. They know what he’s doing using Quinlan’s rank rather than his name only.

Obi-Wan looks ready to protest when they push through the Council Chamber’s doors but Mace quiets him with a raised brow. Obi-Wan’s eyes bore into him, so distressed Mace can see the plans forming in his gaze should the Council come to a decision he doesn’t agree with. And then he seems to just vanish. It’s only after, when Mace looks back to the spot Obi-Wan stood, that he realizes he was watching his step for a split second and it was enough for Obi-Wan to disappear.

Shadows.

“He won’t make any…trouble,” Quinlan starts and tapers off. “Sorry,” he murmurs, “forgot who I was talking about.”

Mace nods to that, pushes Obi-Wan’s impression to Depa through their bond. She will keep an eye on him.

It’s a bit of a walk to the Room Of A Thousand Fountains. Perhaps a closer destination would have been more favorable but Quinlan is visibly on a hair trigger.

They walk in silence.

Mace doesn’t know if that’s what Quinlan needs now that he’s an adult, time to gather himself and his thoughts. Or if the quiet winds him up more.

A look behind and a gentle hand through the Force prove no further insight, and he lets it rest until they arrive.

“When I was young,” he says, crossing his legs and wiggling around until he is cushioned by grass and moss, motioning for Quinlan to do the same, “I wanted to be a Shadow.”

It has the desired effect. Grey eyes fly up to his face as the rest of Quinlan’s body topples into the moss.

“Of course, I didn’t know that’s who they were,” he continues.

Shadows had always been an open secret in the Order. It was taught to keep the knowledge about the mere existence of Shadows within the confines of the Temples. No one confirmed their identity for their own safety but knowing what to look for let him spot them.

Not an easy feat at all. One which had him believe that his observance would bring him favor once it was his time to connect with a Master.

Shadows moved differently, saw the world differently. They moved, somehow, behind the Force, through the waves of it. They observed its entirety with knowledge Mace had longed for. They connected with the Force in a way that seemed so other. They were the watchers of the Force, looking for signs of rising Darkness.

It all had seemed rather fetching, to Mace. Silent fighters against the Darkness, unacknowledged but revered. Helping in ways his youthful mind had seen as… active, during peace times. Keeping the Force in balance by rooting out the Dark.

“Master Tholme had been very, very annoyed with me,” Mace recounts to a bewildered Quinlan. “I loved the seeming theatrics of being a Shadow,” he confesses and watches in amusement as Quinlan blinks at him in disbelief, mouthing “theatrics?” to himself. “In the end, that was not the path for me.”

It had been difficult to accept that. He had struggled. But looking back it had been the right choice for him.

It had led him to Vapaad.

“I felt I was still fighting the Dark,” he explains, “by using it against itself.”

Quinlan pulls up his legs, hugs them to his chest, and Mace is reminded of the Padawan who had watched him train from the shadows. Copying his moves, trying to make them make sense for himself, before he approached Mace and asked him to teach the form. “I know you’re better than me,” he mutters into his knee.

Mace stifles the urge to interrupt and correct, and lets Quinlan say what he needs to.

“You withstood the Dark. I Fell as soon as it got hard.” He says it casually, shrugs a shoulder in defiance, but the gravity, the enormity crashes over him soon enough. Cages him in, and his eyes go wide, go blank. “I Fell.”

There’s always a moment of utter helplessness when you see someone you watched growing up, who is dear to you, shatter into pieces. Seeing Quinlan break apart like this, it tears at Mace’s heart.

He stretches out his presence in the Force. Holding out a hand in comfort should it be needed.

Quinlan latches on like a drowning man and soon Mace has his arms closed around the shaking body, sobs wrecking through Quinlan.

.

“What will the Council decide?” Quinlan asks his boots.

“There are options,” Mace offers after a second. “You can leave,” he says and holds onto his calm as Quinlan flinches. “Given your situation, we will offer the help you need. But we won’t stand in your way if you decide to leave the Order.”

He counts the choices, and the consequences. If Quinlan stays, he is forbidden from taking on a Padawan until he’s deemed stable. He will lose his place with the Shadows. No more missions. Not until the Order can trust him again at least.

“Oh, if that’s all,” Quinlan says flippantly, voice cracking around despair.

“It won’t be easy,” Mace allows, “but you know us, you know your family. Regain trust in yourself and we soon shall follow.”

.

“She wanted to know who my Master was,” Quinlan says, playing with one of the many straps hanging off his clothes. “It was the moment I woke up from what I’ve been doing.”

After killing Lora. Mace isn’t sure if Quinlan was there at the burial.

“I told her and gave her the coordinates.”

Which is a surprise to Mace. “Master Beyaz has been with the Force for three years now.”

The slightest of smirks tugs at Quinlan’s mouth. “She died after Dooku left so he doesn’t know. His intel is outdated and Ventress is on the hunt for a dead Jedi while we know exactly where she is.”

Clever boy.

#loud au #mace windu #quinlan vos #my wips

[liminal-space-lesbian]

I said no gore!

Pairing: Tara Carpenter x fem!reader

Warnings: Mentions of gore, brief mentions of sex, uhhh bad writing?

Summary: (request) You're head over heels for Tara. You do everything and anything for her, despite her friends teasing. You follow her like a lost puppy, opening every door and carrying her things. You'd do anything for her, including watching a movie with a little too much gore for your tastes.

Words: 1,631

You were walking on campus with Chad and Mindy when the three of you met up with Tara. You quickly took her book bag from her and slung it over your shoulder without a second thought, causing Tara to smile at you brightly.

"Tara can carry her own bag you know, you don't have to do everything for her." Mindy says with an exasperated sigh. You frown at her, shifting the weight of Tara's bag higher up your shoulder.

"Yeah, but just because she can doesn't mean she should." You say indignantly as you step in front of Tara to open the door for her, causing Mindy to roll her eyes.

"You two are seriously so cute it's disgusting." Mindy teases with a grin as her and Chad walk through the door you're still holding. You blush, glancing at Tara who places a quick kiss on your cheek, taking your hand in hers as you walk. Your heart flutters at how warm and soft her hand is in yours. You absentmindedly rub the scar on the back of her hand with your thumb as you walk.

"Hey, don't act like you're not an absolute simp for Anika." Chad teases, playfully swatting his sisters shoulder. Mindy fake gags at him.

"Ew, did you seriously just say the word 'simp'?" She mocks, screwing her face into a sour expression. Chad rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, isn't that what the kids are saying nowadays?" He jokes and Mindy gives an exaggerated shudder.

"Never say something like that again." She complains as the four of you arrive at Sam's apartment. The group of you pile inside, and you take your shoes off at the door, carefully setting them to the side. Once Tara takes hers off you grab them and set them beside yours neatly.

"Honey I'm home!" Mindy calls, dumping her bag on the kitchen table and strutting into the living room to flop down on the couch. Sam peeks out of the kitchen where a burning smell is emanating from.

"Hi guys! Uh- I tried to cook but it didn't end well so, pizza is on the way." She says with a sheepish smile, causing Tara to chuckle.

"Sam I thought you learned your lesson after burning pasta?" She teases as she leads you over to the couch after you set down your bags near the table.

"Well I thought maybe I had learned from my mistakes but I guess not." Sam says, with a resigned sigh. She joins your group in the living room where Mindy is perusing through horror movies.

You settle on the couch , pulling Tara down to sit across your lap comfortably. She flashes you a grateful smile, kissing your forehead as she leans into you, shifting slightly until she is more comfortable. You wrap your arms around her waist, resting your hands on her hip. You notice Sam's pointed glare on your hand so you politely shift it a bit higher until she turns her piecing gaze away from you.

"Can we watch Friday the 13th?" Tara requests as Mindy continues searching. Mindy snaps her fingers and points at Tara.

"That's a good one." She says as she pulls out the dvd from the shelf and puts it in. You squirm, shooting Tara a pleading look.

"Tara can we not watch something gory?" You plead quietly, pressing your nose into her shoulder shyly. She shoots you a sympathetic look.

"It's not that bad, I promise." She comforts, gently brushing some hair out of your face. You sigh, resigned to the horror movie already.

"Okay fine. Just warn me when gory scenes are coming up, please." You ask quietly, to which Tara nods in agreement quickly.

"I will, don't worry." She reassures, placing a gentle kiss on your lips before turning her attention back to the screen where the movie is starting.

~ ~ ~

She lied.

Well, not really. Tara just has a different definition of gory than you do.

"Taraaaa." You whine, shutting your eyes and pressing your face into her neck to hide from the bloody scene on screen. Your stomach churned, your half eaten pizza slice left untouched on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry! I honestly forgot how bad this scene was." Tara apologizes, soothingly stroking your hair. Your body was stiff at the sounds of the victims screams coming from the tv.

"I have to use the bathroom." You came up with an excuse, carefully moving Tara off your lap as you stood up and slipped off down the hallway. You shut the bathroom door behind you quietly. You let out a sigh, tension melting from your body at the quiet comforting hum of the bathroom fan. A nice change to the screams from the movie.

"Y/n, can I come in?" Tara's voice quietly calls from the other side of the door, accompanied by a knock. You sigh, opening the door to be met with Tara's puppydog eyes and a pout. "I'm sorry, really. If you want we can go to my room and watch Barbie on my laptop?" She offers, a hesitant smile adorning her lips. You melted under her gaze, stepping forward to wrap your arms around her waist.

"it's okay, we can finish the movie. It's not that big of a deal, I know you love Friday the 13th." You insist, wanting nothing more than for Tara to be happy. She shoots you a scowl and presses her finger to the center of your forehead.

"No, I want you to be happy too. I don't want you to suffer through a movie just because it's something I want, I want to do something we both enjoy." She insists, searching your gaze as she gently runs her fingers along your brow and down the side of your face.

"Well you don't like Barbie." You protest, and Tara cant help but let out a chuckle, shaking her head slightly.

"Then we can watch something else. Plus I wouldn't mind having some alone time with you anyways." She insists, kissing the corner of your mouth tenderly. You melt further into her arms and relent.

"Okay. You get to pick the movie though." You say, your eyes scanning over her features. You smile slightly as you count her freckles, causing her to blush.

"Okay fine, just stop staring at me like that weirdo." She teases, gently pushing your face away with the palm of her hand. You laugh as she leads you towards her room, pausing in the livingroom to announce you two were going to bed early.

"Ew, please don't have sex you guys these walls are not as soundproof as you think." Mindy complains, scrunching up her nose in distaste. Sam's eyes narrow at her words and she shoots you a look that has you stepping slightly behind Tara in fear.

"Oh my God, you guys we're going to sleep, leave us alone." Tara complains as she rolls her eyes, dragging you behind her towards your bedroom.

"Mhm, to sleep together!" Mindy calls after you, cackling as Chad chastises her.

"Goodnight!" Tara shouts back before slamming her bedroom door shut with a sigh. "So what if we were going to have sex anyways, it's not like you're loud." Tara complains as she climbs into bed, piling up pillows for you two to lean up against. You reach over and grab her laptop, handing it to her without even being asked. She flashes a grateful smile at you in return.

"Well... I mean I'm not loud..." You trail off, looking meaningfully at Tara, who gasps at you in betrayal. She grabs a stray pillow and smacks you over the head with it, causing you to dramatically flop on the bed.

"Owww Tara you're so mean." You whine, covering your head with your hands as you writhe around in exaggerated pain. You hear Tara tut, heaving a sigh as she was surely rolling her pretty eyes.

"Okay drama queen, want to watch Legally Blonde?" She asks, pulling your hands away from your face gently. When your eyes met you grinned up at her, rolling onto your stomach and shimmying up to cuddle into her side, peering down at her laptop screen.

"Yes ma'am." You reply softly as you tuck your head under Tara's chin, wrapping your arm around her torso. You tilted your face into her collarbone and inhaled deeply, her raspberry and vanilla soap filling your senses causing you to hum contentedly.

"You're so weird." Tara chuckles as you kiss her collarbone and turn your attention back to the screen.

"What? You smell good, okay." You protest, shuffling impossibly closer to Tara as 'Perfect Day' began to play from her laptop speaker as the movie began.

"Mm whatever you say." Tara replies, a smile obvious in her voice. You settle in, falling into a peaceful silence as the movie plays. Your mind lingers on Tara however, and you can't help but feel warmth fill your chest. The fact she was willing to stop watching her favorite movie and come cuddle in bed with you instead was just too sweet. Sure it was a little thing, but it still made you feel impossibly important and loved.

"I love you." You murmur, turning to place a kiss on the column of Tara's throat. Her hand comes up to gently play with your hair as she glances down at you, her expression soft.

"I love you too." She responds, a smile curving at her lips as she leaned down to kiss you. Her lips were soft and tasted like pizza, causing you to smile into the kiss.

"Now be quiet and watch the movie." She says affectionately when she breaks the kiss, causing you to chuckle. Quieting down, you return your attention back to the laptop screen.

a/n hope this was good! because I got really off track LMAO

#tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter #tara carpenter x fem!reader #fem!reader #scream x reader #scream requests #scream 6 #scream vi

[cherry-leclerc]

method acting ☆ cl16

genre: series, glimpse of angst, fluff, humor, strangers to friends/roommates to lovers, a bit of back and forth

word count: 4.2k

cherry here!...and it all comes crashing down.

ch. one ch. two ch. three ch. four ch. five ch. six

Chapter 5

Life, as you fear, is falling apart as you're confronted with a serious case of writer's block that puts your career on the line. As a solution, you're roommate helps you plan a solo trip to the Amalfi Coast for a much needed break but it doesn't take long for you to meet a certain Monegasque who lays passed out on the beach.

For years, you spent time behind a screen, mindlessly running after Eleanor with a notepad, messy hair sticking out like a madwoman. It must’ve been quite the sight for your fellow colleagues. A constant cycle of proving yourself to others—to your own fucking parents—that what you were doing was going to be all worth it at the end. It was only right that you were utterly exhausted.

Now suddenly, there’s this boy. He has the prettiest watercolor eyes you’ve even had the pleasure of admiring, the cutest dimples, a charming nose, most feathery lashes, pinkest lips, and above all; a heart of gold. You’ve been thrown the toughest battles—the kind you would’ve fought alone if it weren’t for Amelia and Roman—but the universe has rewarded you.

In the span of a month, Charles has completely won you over. From his boyish grin to his dominating smirk. There was just something about him that fell into place with you; like a puzzle piece. The Monegasque never failed to make you feel giddy all over, butterflies soaring freely inside your stomach. 

Only now, there were a different type of eyes lurking back at you. Livid, you almost flinched at the thought of them turning red. Resentful, the kind you only thought you knew. Broken, like the glass plate laying at your feet. 

But the worst had to be the betrayal, written all over them. 

And you knew at that moment. This was the last and only summer.

-

“Wouldn’t it be scary if I just zip down because a shark bit my leg?” you ponder, gently threading through the tides. The green eyed boy tilts his head in amusement. If he hadn’t taken the time to understand your wild imagination, or dark humor, then he would’ve rolled his eyes and yawned. Instead, he slowly nudges your calf, lighthearted, droplets sliding down his face. 

“Not so much as scary, but rather impossible. Sharks don’t swim near the Amalfi Coast.” You nod, though there’s a skeptical aura that lingers as you fix your snorkel. The brunette sneaks a loving glance, taking in your rosy state, scrunched nose when you swallow a gallon of sea salt water. He laughs. “You should keep an eye out for jellyfish, eh. Now those are a problem.”

“Jellyfishes and I are friends. They would never intentionally hurt me. C’mon, let's go back.” 

The day had started early. Four fucking a.m. The Monegasque had hurled you out of bed, declaring that time was running out and he needed to spend all of it with you. The day prior, he had promised he would always text, call, and visit. It made your heart flutter and pounce all at the same time. 

Hence, snorkeling. It was a fun and quick activity, so naturally you agreed with a killer pout as you squinted at the bright sun, despite it being the crack of dawn. Signaling to a glimmery oyster, you excitedly nod when he makes his way over. Once you reach the surface again, you clap with delight. “Can you open it for me?”

He doesn’t answer, but rather focuses his attention on snapping it wide. You can feel your eyes shimmer at the sight, an electrifying pearly white. Almost greedily, you pinch it in between your fingers, bringing it up to parade. “That is absolutely stunning. Oh my God, do you think I could turn it into a ring?”

His lips curl. “I’d say so.”

After that, you both settle into a comfortable silence. The sun was blazing hot at this point, and still there was a breeze. Just when your face would start to dry up, you would dip back in and beam at the Monegasque. He grins, crinkles, hugging the corner of his eyes. He allows himself to swoon when you wink up at the rays of sunshine. “So, I was thinking…”

“Mhm,” you murmur, orbs trained on your newly prize possession. 

Nerves fill the brunette’s veins, sharp hands gently massaging his jaw, letting out a shaky breath. You furrow your brows, cocking your head to the side. Is everything alright? Charles sheepishly smiles. “Well, I, uh, was wondering…” He trails off when your lips wobble, hinting that you knew what this was all leading up to. “Would you like to go out on a date? With me,” he adds shyly. 

“You were kind enough to seek me a gem,” you hum. “I would love to, Charles.”

“Wonderful,” he sighs in relief. “I-I-I know we sort of skipped a couple steps a few days ago,” he stutters anxiously. Your cheeks burn up at the reminder of him in between your legs. “So— but—I’m definitely glad that we’re able to—ouch!” he yelps in pain, teeth gritting. You fill up with panic, frantically eyeing the clear water. 

“What? What?” you urge. “It’s a shark, isn’t it? I knew they would find a way!” The 26 year old barely had a chance to fill you in on what was really going on, but couldn’t really do much when you zoom out, popping the pearl into your mouth safely, floppy arms threading fast to the point that they became sore. 

“There’s no—oh my word.” He grimaces, a painful expression mapped out as he, too, follows you out as quickly as he can. As he limps over to you, you scream, shiny jewel falling straight onto the ground. 

“Charles, Charles, Charles.” Your stomach drops, fingers jittery, “There’s a jellyfish wrapped around your ankle…”

“You’re all caught up,” he grunts. “Get it off!”

You squeal when he lifts his leg up at you. “I can’t! Can’t you kick it off or something?”

He clenches his jaw, heavy pants filling the air. “And risk getting stung again? No, thank you. I drive for a living! I need this thing off.” He flings his leg and the transparent sea-creature disconnects, landing straight into the water. He stares back astonished and you simply laugh loudly and maniacally. You did it! “Yes, now pee on it.”

“Oh—hell no. What is this? A kink of yours?” Your nose scrunches up with clear disgust, as if you just caught a whiff of a baby’s diaper. Charles scowls. It’s supposed to help—do you think I want to do this? You gag, adamantly shaking your head. “No, no, I’ve read about this! We can add vinegar!” Briskly grabbing your essentials, you grip his wrist, already dragging him to his car. 

He tears up—though, denies it—almost kicks you, and groans like a baby, but survives his injury. “Better?” Barely. Washing your hands, you share a stern glare. “At home remedies. Godsend.” He sulks deeper into his seat, wet hair trapping his face. Once you dry your hands, you plop down next to him, pecking his lips. “Grump.”

A beady eye pops open before snapping back shut. “I’d like to see you get stung.” You gasp theatrically, playfully swatting his shoulder. He chuckles, hauling you atop of him. You almost giggle like a teen, but manage to tune it out. “How ‘bout our date?”

“How about you rest? Cha, we can go out tomorrow.”

His bright eyes dim. “But we only have a few days left…”

Your mood comes crashing down as well, downcast eyes flickering like fireflies. “Then I should get ready, no?” His lips turn upward. “Meet me by the door in fifteen.”

It’s a rush, digging through your suitcase, trying to find the perfect dress, the perfect flats. You lose a good chunk of hair as you comb through it, due to the salty water, but manage. You briskly fly through your makeup routine, slather your body with perfume and lotion, and dash back downstairs, finding him already standing there. 

Charles was at edge up until that moment. His tenseness slips away as soon as he sees you, looking as beautiful as ever. There’s a harsh tan going on, but even that makes you all the more breathtaking. He’s not too bad himself and you know it when you blush. From his linen navy blue shirt to his denim jeans, you swoon. 

“You smell like honey,” he stammers. “You look lovely.”

“Grazie.” A beat. “You got a few new ones.”

He’s generally a cool guy, but you always strike him with some type of new feeling. He burns up, softly grazing his nose where a few freckles pop up. “That always happens when I’m out in the sun for too long. Ready?” You purse your lips, skipping towards him. 

When you were eight, you had your first date. You suppose that really depends on how you see it. You mother had tried to become friends with a few ladies from the local book club and you always found yourself tagging along. Obligated, more so. His name was Joey and he had two missing teeth, so every time he spoke, a lisp would come through. It made you giggle cutely as you would lick your melted ice cream off your forearm. Eventually, your mother felt the right to storm out, pulling you away, and you never saw or heard of him again.

At eighteen, you had your last. You should've known from his name alone. James. He was tall, blond, a complete know-it-all, but he had noticed you. The crush slowly died the moment his eyes trailed to the next pretty girl, and the next, and the next.

Now, you’re mid-twenties and this feels like the right choice. He isn’t missing a row of teeth, he buys you ice cream and never once rushes you, he’s tall and proud, and has a set of chocolate curls. Most importantly, he has eyes for you and only you. It was as sweet as it could get. 

“Can I ask you something?” Charles raises a brow, humming along. Twirling your pasta against the metal fork, you prop your chin on your palm. “What were you doing that day at the beach? Where we first met.”

Crimson red slashes his already burnt face as he chokes on his wine. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your perspective over me.” He drums his long fingers. “I was taking a nap.”

“Oh, well, I know that, but you were basically a goner!” You teasingly whistled. “I’m a curious little monkey, so please, enlighten me.”

The Monegasque tsks, relaxing his wide shoulders. He circles the restaurant instantly before leaning in across the table. “That day I was feeling particularly stressed. I was dealing with a lot of things and I don’t remember much after that. Except when a friend gave me a so-called magic potion.” He takes a sip to fix his dry throat. “Oh it did wonders, I tell you.” Absolute wonders, he mouths. 

Your eyes widen. “Like…drugs?” you hiss, bewildered at the possibility. He cringes and nods, floppy hair bouncing. Your mouth forms a silent O, then nibble on your bottom lip, letting go. “I didn’t take you for a—”

“Me either.” You hear the sound of plates crashing down as you flinch and you both turn your attention to the apologetic waiter. The older couple look pissed, bitterly curse out the poor man, and blink as if they weren’t the vulgar ones. Charles rolls his eyes, then sighs. “I don’t think I could ever understand people like that.” 

“Ruthless?”

“Took the words right out of my mouth. It’s ugly. Makes them look so out of touch with reality, which I suppose is true.” Green eyes flicker to the waiter once again before getting up to help. Tonight is really only the first time he’s gone out without his supposed disguise, so it’s obviously made your stomach flip at the thought of someone recognizing him. 

Which they do.

“Charles Leclerc?” The accent is thick—and clearly Italian—as they step closer, phone already whipping out. The brunette turns, a lopsided smile drawn. “Holy shit! It’s really you! Can I please have a picture?” After a few minutes of chatter, the Monegasque excuses himself from the group, looking a bit suffocated. 

“Being tackled in public? That’s what stresses you out, right?” His breath gets caught in his throat, but doesn’t make a move to shut the claim down. He answers by turning his attention to his lap. You sigh. “What did you take and who gave it to you?”

“You probably don’t even know him—Daniel. He’s quite the man, knows lots of people, and thought it would help. It did. Coke. I-it was my first and only try, I promise.” 

You release a further breath. “You’re old enough to know your wrongs from rights. I trust you.” He eases up. “Doesn't mean you should rely on that.”

Charles looks up with a frown. “I feel like a fucking scumbag. I mean, does it make me a bad person to dread meeting fans sometimes? They’re always supporting me—it’s the least I could do.” 

“You’re only human, Cha. You have your good and bad days. They would understand.” He shrugs, smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Do you remember what you told me that day you cooked that godforsaken meal?” 

He nips the air. “You said it was delicious!”

You snicker, glad to see his humor coming back. “I lied. No, but you told me I had to stop pleasing everyone around me. Focus on myself. You said that. And I advise you to do the same.”

He’s heard this countless times. With Charlotte, which he only tuned out angrily, blaming her for not understanding his duties. Carlos, narrating how he of all people should understand. Pierre, smacking his head before walking away, already annoyed that too many people had tried to help, how he got called out on repeat. But with you, he simply nodded, somewhat agreeing. Not completely, but enough. That itself was a lot when it came to him and his stubbornness. Something inside of him told him he would do whatever you asked him to. It was a scary—liberating—feeling. 

The last time he felt this was with…

A wave of realization slithers across his features. Charlotte. That last person he felt this familiar feeling was for Charlotte. And even then, their relationship felt foolish compared to anything he’s ever felt for you. There were sparks flying when you fluttered your doe eyes back at him, when you called him out on anything he does with a witty sense of humor…

He’s been fucked ever since the tiny ballerina kissed the hot-headed Stormtrooper.

“My words of wisdom are pretty clever,” he voices, smirking. “You’re right. I should focus more on myself.” Pause. “Thank you. For everything. For taking the time to get to know me. Not many bother these days.”

You want to cry at the gratitude written all over his handsome face, the sound of his disbelief, like a kid who genuinely thought they’d be picked last for a game of tag. 

“You're very important  to me, Charles.” You gently take his large hand into your smaller one. He stiffens. “You won’t ever forget that, right?”

“Not even if I try, no.” Then he presses a warm kiss onto your skin, and you feel him smile against it. “Anything you say or do would take me forever to overlook, to erase.” More pressure expands through your already firm chest, ragged breaths. “Something tells you’re a once in a lifetime type of person. How could I ever let that slip away?”

-

You excuse yourself in a flash, tears threatening to spill after his touch felt words. Just when you thought you couldn’t feel more two-faced, he somehow squeezes your heart around his fist, and you deserve every ounce of shame, of guilt. 

After a round of paper towels that you dab as harsh as soft Kleenex, you force a bright smile in the mirror, shooting a quick thumbs up and storming back out to your date. 

The 26 year old was concerned about the hazy interaction, perturbed eyes blinking as you got up as if you had just seen the Devil himself, unbeknownst that you felt like one. He’s left anxiously waiting, tapping his shoes against the shiny tiles, leg bouncing up and down with anticipation. Cursing underneath his breath, he stands up and makes his way to the women's restroom. He receives a few baffled glances when he bolts down the hallway. 

“Jesus Christ,” you yelp, finding Charles right in front of you when you swing the door open. His green eyes narrow like knives, carefully analyzing your pink nose, red rimmed eyes. “You scared me—”

“What did they say to you?”

You frown. “What are you talking about?”

His hands make their way up to cradle your face, thumbs grazing your temples. You raise a neat brow. “Did anyone follow you? See you? Were they rude? My fans aren’t normally like this, I promise they’re sweet, but if they did anything to you, I swear to God—”

Instantly shaking your head, you let out a nervous giggle. “No one said anything, don’t worry. I just really had to pee. Promise.” 

This is what he was most afraid of when he first opened up to you, to go out in public. Charles was terrified at the image of your privacy being invaded, much like his. For hurtful words or actions to be aimed at you. And then you blink up at him with a sour expression because he knows you just cried, he obviously grew protective. Leaning down, he meekly kisses your forehead. “What’s wrong then? You hate me that much?” he jokes. 

You bite back a smile. “Something like that. How about we go somewhere dear to us?”

-

Added to the torment of what you were feeling, you didn’t think things could get any worse—and yet. 

Today. By today. Get it done. 

Aghast, your delicate fingers come up to your berry lips, pinching at them nervously before biting down on your thumb, re-reading Eleanor’s message. Friday. You originally had until Friday. It’s only Wednesday. Sure, only a forty-eight hour difference, but still. You wanted to hold onto the most valuable time possible if you could. You try convincing her to change her mind, but it was a worthless battle. You knew once she had her mind set on it, then that’s exactly what had to happen.

By today.

You’re sobbing, panting, your vision is blurry as you type on your phone, angry as you fiddle against the tiny screen. Who could you really be mad at? Eleanor? No. Charles? No. The universe? Tempting, but no. It was all you. If you hadn’t mentioned having a possible exclusive for the sake of saving your job, then you wouldn’t be tangled in this mess. 

You can’t go down that way, it’s ladies only!

I’m terribly sorry, but I have to check on my wife.

You recognize his urgent voice, deep and raw. His words aren’t true, but it fucks you up just the same. Hurrying to slip your phone back inside your purse, you quickly fix your appearance before opening the wide door, finding Charles mid-knock.

“Jesus Christ. You scared me.”

-

“Back where we started,” the green eyed boy chirps when he spots the tiny pub that sits atop of the hill. “It feels as if we were just here yesterday. This is fantastic.”

“I didn’t think you loved it that much,” you poke fun, bumping your hip against his. His watercolor eyes flicker to yours for a brief moment, then focusing back at the old shed. 

“Things can surely change in the span of a month.”

The implication was as clear as daylight, but it only flew past your head as you enthusiastically ran up, smiling back at him. Nico is still there, serving drinks with a cheshire grin, when he spots you. “I remember you! How have you been, cara mia? Is Italy treating you well enough?”

You buzz, tippy toeing as you sheepishly try to spot the main reason you came back. “Oh, definitely. I think I might stay. Do you, um, happen to have—”

“Got it right here,” he says, gloved hand wrapping around the familiar liquid. You blush, ordering a round—bottle—and making your way back to the Monegasque. As soon as the tray hits your table, he throws a dubious stare, thanking the older man. “Huge fan, Mr. Leclerc.” He extends his Ferrari merch with a timid grin. “Do you mind?”

Charles returns the warm smile. “Not at all.” He signs away sloppily, but professionally. Nico zooms cheerfully, eager to boast out to his co-workers. You giggle. Very nice, very nice. He shrugs nonchalantly. “Does my kind gesture get me a kiss?”

“We’ll see,” you mumble, looking away before he spots your pink cheeks. 

He sighs dramatically. “Do you really think it’s for the best if you drink this crap again? Do you remember the last time you had a sip?”

“I’ll go easy. This shit is good.” Throwing your head back, you gulp down the sweet alcoholic drink, eyes squeezing tightly before you huff. “Exactly. Try some.” The brunette does, but steady, a careful eye always lingering onto you. You don’t get drunk this time—rather tipsy. You tell yourself it's because you don’t want to wake up with a killer headache tomorrow, but you know that’s far from the truth. It’s simple. You just didn’t want to forget the last moments you had with him. 

His adoration would only last so long.

Clicking your phone open, you clumsily had it over to him. Record me. He huffs, but amusement colors his orbs. “Here we go again…” You snicker playfully, marching over to the lady at the piano. You’re back, she pronounces. 

“I am.” You laugh. “Do you happen to play guitar?”

She shakes her head sadly before lighting up. “But Nico does. Nico!” she screams as the man rushes over. “You play song for pretty girl standing right here?” Volentieri, he chirps, looking for his rusty instrument. After a bit of discussion, you twirl back, walking to the center stage. 

“I can still recall, our last summer. I still see it all.” Charles laughs, throwing his head back like a little kid as he reminds himself to keep your phone steady. “Walks along the Seine, laughing in the rain. Our last summer, memories that remain.” 

The guitar is a lone act, but fills up the room as if there were a band. Occasionally, the keys of the broken piano fill the room as you smile gently. From the way you dance to the way you smile, Charles lives for every moment, taking in your happiness. 

You should have seen the foreshadowing. The song. The plates that crashed during dinner. The stare. It was all laying right out in front of you, and you stupidly chose to ignore it until it was too late. 

“Our last summer, walking hand in hand…” You trail off the moment his eyes turn dark, furrowing to the screen then back to you, as if trying to come up with a possible explanation. He stands up abruptly, chair squeaking so loud that everyone’s heads turn to look. “No,” you whisper in disbelief when he walks out, leaving you like an open love letter. 

“No, no, no, no, no.” Flying down the stairs, you trip a couple of times, concerned glances shared between Nico and the older lady. None of it matters as you run after Charles. 

Anger must give you wings because he’s long gone when you reach the open air. Dirt crunches underneath your heels as you desperately try to catch a sign that he’s around. When he’s not, you instantly call a cab, rudely directing him to your shared Airbnb. 

-

He loves you; he's sure of it the moment you tuck a strand of hair behind your jeweled ear, slightly hesitant as you try to refresh Nico’s mind over what song you wanted. He even practices a few strings before winking over at you. 

He knows it the moment you reach a certain note that makes your voice crack, smiling shyly, giggling through your singing. 

And you loved him all too late. 

Draft is perfect. Green light, publish it. We can talk about your promotion when you get back. Congratulations. Hard work really does pay off. 

He recognizes the name as soon as it blares across your screen, still recording you, spinning across the stage without a care in the world. He feels inanely invasive when he clicks on the email, but pushes the feeling away with the fact that this appeared to be good news, and was there really any harm to that?

Charles Leclerc: The Man Behind the Helmet.

He reads through, spotting your name swiftly. 

Sat down with him…

High on the beach—a desperate tactic to release some much needed stress during the off season…

Golden pin, prancing horse. Gifted from the late, Hervé Leclerc…

Fearful of what’s to come once Hamilton enters the picture later in 2025…

He’s skimming but it’s enough for him to wonder if he’s experiencing true headache right now. Your voice cuts off, turning pale as you blink back at him. Fury enters his veins as he storms out, not caring about what you must think. He hears you chasing after him, but manages to climb into the first cab he sees. 

What he hates the most is that he still feels like a complete idiot for leaving you behind. For marching out without a single word. 

For being so stupid. 

taglist: @blueflorals @starmanv @coolio2195 @lovrsm @weekendlusting@chanshintien @brune77e @myownwritings @timmychalametsstuff @milasexutoire @alesainz @c-losur3 @darleneslane @togazzo @urfavnoirette @namgification @lpab @d3kstar

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc angst #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x female oc #charles leclerc drabble #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x female reader #scuderia ferrari #f1 smut #f1 #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #formula 1 #f1 x female reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #f1 x oc #formula one #cl16 #cl16 x reader #cl16 x you #cl16 imagine #cl16 one shot

[matthew-gray-gublers-babygirl]

Pregnancy

Summary: The reader finds herself pregnant and fear rises as she realizes she has to tell her partner, Matthew.

Pairing: Matthew Gray Gubler x Female Reader

Content: No swearing; mention of periods, morning sickness, pregnancy & describing pregnancy; fear of rejection and abandonment; soft Matthew & good ending! If there are any other warnings you'd prefer I add please mention them in the notes!

Wordcount: 1k>

Enjoy!

Matthew was great with children. He absolutely adored kids and couldn't wait to have his own someday. So when you realized you may be with child, you couldn't wait to take a test and announce the possible news. But at the same time, even with Matthew's positive attitude towards being a father, you were still terrified to tell him. You knew you had to tell him soon. He was very attentive to your cycle. He always gave you extra cuddles and made no excuses for late-night convenience store trips to settle your cravings, so when you went too long without complaining about your period, he would know something was different.

So when your period didn't come on its usual date and you had random flashes of nausea in the mornings, you decided to buy a few at-home pregnancy tests. You did all three and let them sit for the needed amount of time for the result to show. The dreaded five minutes felt like a lifetime. It took every ounce of restraint in your body to not check them before the timer went off. All three were positive. You were overjoyed that you were pregnant, but the fear of rejection and abandonment soon crept up.

Shaking as you sat on the toilet, all three positive tests in your hands, you went over your options in your head. Terminating the pregnancy was an option, but you had both been wanting to start a family for years, and you didn't want to waste this opportunity. 

After almost half an hour and many warm tears down your cheeks, you decided to break the news to Matthew once he arrived home from set today. You look down at your watch, the miniature clock reading four o’clock. He should be home anytime soon.

You begin to tidy up the house a bit and made something to eat for when Matthew arrives home. You caught yourself holding your stomach, imagining it round with your child. You reminisce about the memories and love that went into creating such a beautiful thing. You imagine Matthew pressing his lips against your swollen stomach, whispering heartfelt words to your unborn child and murmuring against your lips how much of a wonderful mother you are going to be once your little bundle of joy is ready to come out.

You hear the door swing open and Matthew's loud voice reverberates throughout the house. “Guess who!” You straighten yourself out, take a deep breath in and slowly let it out before greeting him at the entrance. “It’s me, Gube,” he jokes, taking you by the waist and kissing you. “Hey, babe,” he smiles. 

You notice his arm hidden behind his back and he whips a bouquet of flowers from behind himself. “What are these for?” you ask with a smile. “I saw them on my way home and they reminded me of you,” he explains. “My pretty girl deserves some pretty flowers.” This small gesture helps put you at ease and calms your nerves. “I love them,” you smile as you take them to the kitchen to put them in a vase. Once you place the flowers in a nice spot in the sun, you ask Matthew to sit down. 

“Oh, sure. What’s up?” he asks. Now he was the nervous one. You sit down on the vintage upholstered loveseat in the living room. You try to muster up the courage and the words to explain the situation, but all that comes out are unconfident words and tears. “Hey, hey. What’s wrong, baby? You know you can trust me,” Matthew whispers as he wraps an arm around you. You wipe away the small tears and take another affirming breath.

“You, um- You know how you love kids, and say that you always wanted to be a father?” Matthew knew exactly what you meant. “Are you… Wait are you pregnant?” you nod at his question and watch as the biggest smile appears on his face. 

“Oh, baby,” he kisses you like he hadn't seen you in years, like a lover away at war. “Baby, we’re- Oh. we’re having a baby, a- a baby!” You had never seen him this happy before. “We’re having a baby,” you confirm, and he kisses you again, and again, and again. Youre surprised his lips werent chapped from how many times he kissed you.

“When did you find out?” Matthew asks as his hand instinctively lands on your stomach, gently rubbing the bump-less flesh. “Today, just before you got home. I was scared, but I couldn't wait to tell you,” you explain. He kisses your cheeks, then your forehead. “Oh, love. There was no reason to be scared. I Love you and I will love you until I’m dead and when this earth ceases to exist. And I love our baby, even if they aren't here yet. If they're even an ounce similar to you, I will love them forever.”

You knew Matthew was the romantic type, but you had never seen him like this. You knew he was going to be a great father, and you couldn’t wait a minute more.

#fanfiction #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler imagine #mgg x reader #mgg imagine #mgg x y/n #matthew gray gubler x reader

[merrybloomwrites]

I Hear Them Calling (Chapter 3)

Story Summary: Alpha Harry Styles and omega Y/N Y/L/N meet under less than ideal circumstances. Overtime their paths will cross and they will be drawn to one another in ways they never expected.

Chapter Summary: Y/N & Harry reconnect at MSG night 12

Previous Chapters: Prologue ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2

Word Count: 2.4k

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The next three weeks pass in a similar fashion for you. Work, chores, and hanging out with your best friends fills most of your time. You try not to depend on Harry’s scent, but the days where you don’t have your reminders of his smell around you turn out to be terrible days. The nightmares come back, and you’re restless all day. Plus, you feel way colder than you should in late August, so it just makes sense for you to be constantly drinking hot chocolate.

September 10th finally rolls around, and the first thing you do when you wake up is reread the email from Jada for the hundredth time. You still can’t believe what will happen that night, but there it is clearly written out for you.

Not only will you, Amelia, Violet, and Rachel be going to Harry’s concert, you have your own VIP section and you’re invited backstage before the show starts.

The girls all come over to get ready together. You all have some pizza and play Harry’s music while helping each other with your hair and makeup. After getting dressed you take some pictures together, wanting to document this night.

You spray on extra scent blockers, slipping the bottle into your purse so you can reapply later if needed. Rachel sees you do this and checks in with you, asking, “You okay? Are you nervous to go back there?”

“I’m good,” you reply. “I’m excited actually. It’s different this time. I’m more prepared, and I have you three with me. Plus, I’m pretty sure Amelia will rip the knot off any alpha who tries to mess with us.”

“I heard that!” Amelia shouts from the next room. “And yes. I absolutely will.”

You all laugh and grab your purses before heading to the car. Violet drives you all into the city, and you’re grateful for her fearlessness. No matter how experienced you are, you’ll never drive in New York unless you absolutely have to.

Once you get there, you follow the directions from Jada’s email, walking past the line of people waiting outside and heading straight for a side door. You speak with a security guard who checks your names on a list. He nods and calls over another security guard who leads you into the building.

You look at your friends and can tell they’re as amazed and excited as you are. Sure, you had the emails telling you that all of this would happen, that you’d be hanging out backstage before watching the concert from a private box, but it’s so surreal now that it’s actually happening.

Someone calls your name from the end of the hallway, and you smile when you see Jada walking towards your group.

“So glad you girls could make it!” she says, handing you all the badges you’ll need to wear that evening.

“We’re super excited to be here,” you reply.

She leads you all to a room filled with food and drinks and a number of other VIP guests.

“They’re still working on soundcheck so please enjoy some snacks and I’ll grab you guys to say hi to Harry in a bit,” Jada says quickly before walking back out of the room.

The four of you stand shocked for a moment.

“We’re meeting Harry?” Rachel asks incredulously.

“I guess so,” you answer.

“Like, all of us?” Violet questions.

“Seems that way,” you reply.

“He probably just wants to see his little omega again,” Amelia teases, earning an eye roll from Violet and a head shake from Rachel.

You laugh along, trying to cover your true reaction to hearing that. Because they have no idea how much you want that or how right it feels to be called his omega, even if you know that will never happen.

“Come on, I could use a water,” Violet says and the four of you grab some refreshments. After a little while Jada comes back and has the four of you follow her through the halls.

“We’re gonna make a quick stop first. Harry is finishing up on something but in the meantime you guys can meet the band,” Jada explains.

Entering the band dressing room is as overwhelming as it is thrilling. In the weeks since the last show you attended, you’ve watched numerous clips from the concerts. Most of the time you were focused on Harry, but you spent plenty of time admiring the talent of his band members as well.

They’re all incredibly welcoming, taking the time to talk to all of you. After a few minutes Sarah pulls you aside.

“I just wanted to check in and see how you’ve been the last few weeks,” she says.

You almost just give her a cheerful lie, saying you’ve been totally fine. But you can tell she isn’t simply asking to be polite. She cares. She truly wants to know how you’ve been.

“I’ve been okay. Not great, but I mean, not terrible,” you finally reply.

“What’s been going on?” she continues.

“Well, I’ve been having some pretty bad nightmares. You know, bad dreams about that alpha, and what happened, and what could have happened. And I’ve just been feeling a bit off, like, shaky and cold and restless. I think it’s probably the stress from that night. But I’ve found some ways to cope and they’re working so it’s not too bad.”

Sarah gives you a calculating look. You expect her to ask more questions, press you for more details, but instead she says, “We’re here for you, you know that right? Anything you need. We care about you.”

You’re almost thrown by the genuine compassion from a practical stranger. Sure, she saved you from a dangerous situation, but that still doesn’t explain why this big-time musician cared so deeply for you, just a regular person. And then you put yourself in her shoes for a second, imagining what she went through that night. Alphas, or at least good alphas, have an innate desire to help and protect omegas. Hearing your distress, seeing you cornered and nearly unconscious could not have been easy for her. But she stayed calm the whole time, handling the situation perfectly.

Before your emotions can get the better of you, you smile and say, “Thank you, so much. For everything you did that night and for being there for me now. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course, love. Would it be alright if I gave you a hug?”

You nod and she pulls you in. There’s a faint trace of her tea and ocean scent, and you repress your omega nature telling you to take a deep breath of the alpha smell.

As you pull away, Jada walks back into the room. She collects you and your friends and leads you down the hall. You recognize where you are now and start to grow more anxious and excited knowing that you’ll see Harry again soon.

You have no idea what to expect with this reunion. Will he still seem to care about you as much as he did last time? Will his alpha remember your omega and the connection that seemed to exist between the two? Or will it become glaringly obvious that everything was in your head, and he was just being nice and taking care of a fan in trouble? You figure it will probably be that last choice, that he’ll treat you just the same as he treats Violet, Amelia, and Rachel.

Finally, you reach the room, and Jada knocks, waiting to hear Harry’s response before opening the door and ushering your group inside. Suddenly feeling very shy, you stay behind your friends, like you’re trying to disappear. Harry introduces himself to the others and then he’s standing right in front of you.

Not wanting to be rude, you lift your face to greet him. He reaches out to shake your hand, saying, “Hello, Y/N, it’s good to see you again.”

You stutter out, “Nice to see you too,” while actively focusing on keeping your omega at bay. This simple touch is both electrifying and comforting, and it leaves you wishing for more. You bite back a whine and take a deep breath to center yourself.

This backfires, because now you can pick up Harry’s scent around you. He’s definitely wearing scent blockers again, but the smell has permeated some objects in the room. You know your beta friends are completely unaware of it, but it’s all you can focus on.

Harry invites you all to sit down and get comfortable. He spends time with your group, getting to know everyone, joking around, answering questions about himself and his music.

After a little while Jada comes back to lead you all to your seats since the opening act is about to start.

“It was lovely meeting you all. Jada, could you bring Rachel, Violet, and Ameila to the lounge and come back for Y/N? I wanted to speak with her for a minute. That is, if you’re comfortable with that,” Harry says.

The last part is directed at you, and everyone pauses to see your reaction.

“Yea, that’s fine with me,” you reply after a moment. Truthfully you’re nervous to be alone with him. Not because you’re uncomfortable or scared, but because you’re worried that you’ll somehow make a fool of yourself.

Everyone else leaves the room and Harry wordlessly motions to the couch. The two of you sit side by side, angled to face each other. It’s silent for a minute as you wait for him to say whatever is on his mind.

“I wanted to ask how you’ve been. I know what happened must have been pretty traumatizing for you. I almost got your number from Jada to text you, but I didn’t want to be pushy or nosey or anything,” he finally says.

You can’t help but smile as he rambles, completely endeared by this bashful alpha.

“First, you’re more than welcome to text me if you’d like.” You pause, surprised at how forward you just were. “And uhm, it’s been rough, but manageable. Some bad dreams. Some shakiness. Things like that.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Douse some clothes in your scent so I can surround myself with it at all times, you think to yourself but somehow manage not to say it out loud.

What you reply instead is, “No, I think I have it under control.”

“Alright, if you’re sure. But please let me know if you need something. I know the idea that omegas need an alpha taking care of them is antiquated but I can’t help it when it comes to you.”

“Me?” you ask. “Like specifically? Or all omegas?”

He chuckles shyly and says, “To be fair I know very few omegas. But I’ve never really felt this protective over someone before. I couldn’t help but think about you the last few weeks. Worry about you, really.”

“Because I got hurt at one of your shows?”

“That’s part of it. But, ah, there’s more than that, I think.” You try not to get your hopes up, try not to think that maybe he likes you the way you like him. How could he? He’s a world-famous popstar and you literally sit at a computer and organize data all day. You don’t even have any fun hobbies. Literally nothing about you is interesting. You’re nothing like the girls he’s dated in the past.

He takes in your silence and continues, saying, “I feel connected to you. And I’d like to get to know you better. What I’d really like is to consider you a friend, rather than just an acquaintance.”

“I would like that too,” you reply calmly.

“In that case, would I be able to get your phone number?”

You bite back the squeal of excitement trying to escape and say, “Yes, of course you can.”

The two of you exchange numbers, and you take note of the coy smile on Harry’s face as you do so.

There’s a knock at the door and Jada pops in, letting you know she’ll be waiting in the hallway to show you to your seat. You and Harry both stand, and he says, “Y/N, it’s been wonderful seeing you again. I hope you enjoy the show.”

“Thank you again for the tickets, and for getting us backstage tonight.”

“My pleasure.” He opens his arms, inviting you in for a hug. It’s a new line you’re crossing, having only touched hands before, but you don’t even hesitate. His arms wrap around your shoulders as yours go to his waist. Your nose is dangerously close to his scent gland. You turn your head away from his neck in order to resist the temptation to take a deep breath searching for his delicious smell.

You force yourself to pull away before you get too comfortable in his embrace. The two of you share another shy smile before you grab your purse and head out to follow Jada.

The second you get to the private lounge your friends start asking questions, wanting to know every detail of your time alone with Harry. You tell them that he checked how you were doing, and that he wants to be friends. You also mention that you now have each other’s phone numbers.

“Oh my God, girl! That’s insane!” Rachel says.

“You can text Harry Styles. You can pick up your phone and call him, whenever you want,” Violet adds.

You laugh at their reactions and look at Amelia, surprised by her uncharacteristic silence. You laugh ever harder when you realize she’s literally stunned into silence.

Suddenly everyone in the venue starts screaming and you all redirect your attention to the stage as the show begins. It’s an amazing experience as you and your friends sing and dance along. More than once you think Harry is actually looking for you. He glances up to where you are as though searching the crowd to find you. He’s probably not, but you can’t help but hope that he is.

Violet drops you off at your home after the concert. You’re about to get into bed when your phone dings. A huge smile spreads across your face when you see a text from Harry saying, “Hope you enjoyed the show and got home safe! Sleep well.”

You think for a moment before replying, “You were fantastic! Thank you again. Good night!”

For the first time in weeks, you sleep peacefully through the night without any reminders of Harry’s scent in the room.

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Taglist: @akkatz @pandeebearstyles @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite@theekyliepage@numafarawayglxy @booberry019-blog @hillzrry@ssareidbby @gem1712 @acesofspadess@houseofdilfs@shaquille-0atmeal-1@kissitnhekitchen @amateurduck @poguestyleskye@n0vaj3an@snwells@drunk-teens-doing-drugs ; @fdl305@creativelyeva@daphnesutton@selluequestrian@lovingfurypanda @stardream14 @tbsloneely@eversincehs1 @boomitsallie1 @rose-garden-dreamz

#harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you

[artiststarme]

Don't Call Me Stupid

Can I make you cry four times in one day @pyrohonk? I hope you guys like it and please leave your thoughts in the comments!

Now with a Part 2!

~*~*~*~

Steve was used to being the dumb one. He was the kid in class that would ask stupid questions that the other kids and sometimes even the teacher would laugh at. He never quite understood what teachers were saying in class or what the words written on the board were supposed to mean with their squiggly letters that jumped around. Eventually he learned not to raise his hand at all. Better to be confused than embarrassed, right?

Nancy, when they were dating, would always call him an idiot. He brushed it off at the time but looking back, it made him wonder. If he was a little bit smarter, a little more astute, would things have gone differently? Would Nancy have sought comfort in him instead of running off to Jonathan? Would he have noticed Barb’s disappearance from his yard that started all of this in the first place? He had to wonder but even that wouldn’t change anything. 

His stupidity was also a highlight point for his parents to focus on. He once was the popular jock, an airhead but one that was popular and good at sports. Now, he was just a deadbeat that barely graduated high school and certainly couldn’t get into college. He was a loser working at a dead-end job that was going nowhere in life. Ah, what pride he brought to his parents now. He could only grieve the life he used to lead every time he saw his parents staring at him in disdain. At least he had the Party… right?

It was a well known fact throughout the Party that Steve was a little slow. His brain worked at a different pace than the rest of them, a concept woefully apparent to everyone. His brain was focused on the music underlying the Russian code and the Black Widows underneath the floorboards. He was the last to connect the dots and truly only helped the Party by taking hits to the head. They only kept him around to take the hits after all. 

Even Robin, his best friend in the world, his platonic soulmate with a capital P, called him a dingus on a near hourly basis. Sure, it was affectionate now but it started as a derogatory term to poke fun at his intelligence, or lack thereof. He was a fool in her eyes, affectionate or not. Even still, he was just the dumbass that slept around with half of Hawkins, a sassy soundboard for her to bounce lesbian crushes off of. 

He was used to being called stupid but it still hurt every time. 

So in the first fight he and Eddie have as a couple, it really hits a sore spot when Eddie hisses, “what are you, stupid?”

All of the fight drained out of Steve in an instant leaving a broken, empty shell in its place. His anger melted away to reveal the hurt hidden underneath. “You should go.”

“What? No, we’re talking this through,” Eddie shook his head, giving him a look of confusion. 

“I probably won’t understand anyways since I’m so stupid. So you should go, save your breath. Whatever you think is probably right anyways.” With that, Steve walks up the stairs to his bedroom and locks the door behind him. He pulls his old Walkman over his ears and lets the sad tones of Queen’s All Dead, All Dead wash over him. 

He was sick of being treated like trash by everyone he talked to. Everyone that was supposed to love him; his parents, Nancy, Robin, Eddie, the kids. They all thought he was a dumbass. He’d tried so hard to be better, to be smarter, to be more useful to everyone else. But in his quest, he lost everything that he once was. He lost his charisma, he lost his old friends, and his hobbies to become this loser who still no one liked. 

So, he ignored his boyfriend’s knocks on his door, turned up his tunes, and planned his move away from Hawkins. If he wasn’t appreciated here, maybe he would be anywhere else.

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#stranger things #steddie #fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #dustin henderson #eleven hopper

[xxsabitoxx]

Being Sanemi’s Tsugoku

Other pillar versions (coming soon?)

A/N: it’s been a hot mother fucking minute since I’ve posted Sanemi. With Demon Slayer Sundays just a week away it’s only right that I return to my roots of posting some demon slayer content

Pink text is You — Green text is Sanemi

(Cosmo and Wanda think they slick—)

You couldn’t lie, you were initially petrified when Kagaya appointed you as Sanemi’s tsugoku

It was typical for the Hashira themselves to pick someone, usually someone they knew and trusted. Someone they could put their full faith in to fulfill their duties if it just so happen the current pillar was to lose the fight

That wasn’t the case for you. Kagaya himself appointed you for your outstanding performance and understanding of wind breathing

Needless to say, Sanemi wasn’t thrilled

“Just keep your mouth shut and maybe I won’t kill you.”

You could feel your brow twitch, you didn’t let anyone talk to you in such a tone. Wind pillar or not, you’d sooner die than be walked all over.

“Watch your tone and maybe I won’t beat your ass.”

Thus began Sanemi’s never ending torture. Torture he had to tolerate solely because Kagaya appointed you.

Hell it was likely a test at this point, put some sort of humanity in him so he wouldn’t get himself killed.

Sanemi’s training was nothing short of su!cidal, honestly by the end of the first day you were convinced he was trying to k!ll you

It consisted of training from sunrise until sunset followed by accompanying him on his patrolling. It would be a full twenty four hours until you saw your bed again.

“No wonder you look so psychotic, you don’t fucking sleep.”

He, of course, didn’t answer you. It seems he had taken his own advice to heart and decided keeping his mouth shut would save him the headache.

This intense regimen would continue for a full month, only half a day break in between so you could get some sleep.

You’d quickly learn his goal was to break you. Get you to leave the corps with your head hung low.

“Ya know, it’s kinda odd you’re so determined to get me to leave. It’s almost as if you care about me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. The corps is no place for weaklings, nothing more than demon bait at this point.”

“Ain’t that what you’d want then? People to lure the demons to you. Makes it easier than hunting them, pretending to be the prey I mean.”

Sanemi ended that conversation with a simple glare, something in his eyes that you’d never seen before. For once you let him drop it, not willing to uncover the man’s traumas against his will.

Sanemi’s behavior towards you mellowed slightly after three months of you being his tsugoku. You simply weren’t going anywhere any time soon so he didn’t think the hard ass attitude was quite necessary.

That’s not to say he started taking it easy on you… not by a long shot actually. If anything his schedule for you only got more intense. But it was different.

You could tell he was training you with the intent of keeping you alive, not scaring you out of the corps.

“I think we’ll be friends soon.” You laughed softly as you ate your lunch, sanemi was sitting a few feet away under the shade of a tree. “I don’t make friends.” It was gruff, food getting shoved into his mouth a moment later. “Okay tough guy, you’ll realize soon enough.” All you got was a nose scrunch in return.

The thing is, you were right. Sanemi should have known it would be impossible, even for him, to spend nearly every waking moment with someone and not enjoy their presence.

Around the six month mark of being his tsugoku, you found it easier to hold a conversation with him. Especially since he’d actually entertain it. Hell you’d even crack jokes with one another. It was safe to say he tolerated you now.

And not out of obligation

“I want you to leave the corps. I’m telling Master that you aren’t up to my satisfaction.” You froze, head whipping around to see if he was joking. The look on his face told you he wasn’t. “Aren’t we past this bull shit, Shinazugawa?”

Truth was, he’d gotten attached to you in some odd way. It fucking terrified him.

“You’ll do as I say, as your overseer. You have to obey my wishes.” You couldn’t quite understand why his attitude had switched, as if six months of work had suddenly never happened. “Bull shit. What the fuck happened?” He only shook his head, not able to maintain eye contact. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

It wasn’t long before it turned into a full blow yelling match.

“I’ll tell Master you’re full of shit. Chances are he’ll fucking believe me, Shinazugawa.” For the first time, he was losing a battle in more ways than one. “Oh fuck off.” Was all he could muster, brain moving a mile a minute as he tried to figure out a better way to reason with you.

What had you done to him? He wanted to reason with you? That thought terrified him even worse.

In the end, all of his logic flew out the window as he uttered the very words he didn’t want to say out loud. Not because he didn’t mean them, but because he didn’t want to make things worse. He was already struggling with these new emotions, never mind making them known to you.

“I care about you a little too much to let you throw your life away in this hellish profession.”

That got you to freeze, eyes wide as you tried to gauge what exactly he meant by that statement. Silence hung between the two of you, you weren’t sure how long you both stood there in the back yard of his estate. But by the time you had gotten the courage to even make a noise, he was turning his back to you.

“Woah hold the fuck on! Don’t run away from me after saying something like that? Hell, Shinazugawa you never run from anything never mind me!”

For a moment he really wished some divine force would come down and kill him on the spot.

Yet, he steadied himself, realizing that you were right. He’d never run away from a fight, never mind being a coward with his own feelings. So he stopped, turning around to stop you in your tracks.

“I fucking care about you, what’s there to not understand?”

“That’s not where I’m confused you moron.”

He knew what you were implying, he knew what you wanted to hear and yet he found himself struggling. Being a Hashira gave him no right to admit he had feelings for you. It would only be cruel to you, especially since you were to be his successor.

“Shina—no—Sanemi. Explain yourself.”

That was his breaking point, eyes shutting as he exhaled slowly. Hearing his first name fall from your lips, this wasn’t exactly the situation he wanted to hear it for the first time. Yet it was enough to give him courage.

“I care about you, more than a friend, more than a tsugoku. There, happy?”

The shit eating grin that crept up your face was more than enough to show him that you were.

“See… I was right. I told you we’d become friends.”

“I just said I liked you more than a friend.”

“Fair enough, I guess it’s safe to say I underestimated you, master.”

“I’m still making you leave the corps.”

“Maybe if you offer me your hand in marriage I’ll consider it.”

He was starting to question why he even grew to like you in the first place. Though, the smile on your face had him mentally reminding himself to thank Kagaya for giving you to him.

#kny #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer imagines #demon slayer fanfic #demon slayer headcanons #hashira #shinazugawa sanemi #xxsabitoxx’s work! #sanemi x reader #sanemi x you #sanemi x y/n #shinazugawa x reader #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi headcanons #kny sanemi #kny headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic

[ataleofcrowns]

New Chapter Released!

Hello again! Hope your summer has gone well 🌻

I know I said the public release would be September 19th, but technically it's already the 19th in my timezone so I thought, why not drop it at midnight?

With the public release of this new chapter we’re diving into courtly intrigue as the Crown becomes accustomed to their new day-to-day life:

Meeting the Imperial Court, as well as the different factions and political agendas at play

Choices that will influence the Crown’s reputation, and one that may even be locked off depending on previous decisions made. Did you prioritize the public, or forget about them among all the commotion?

Variants of how your chosen love interest will react to your Crown, depending on previous relationship choices your Crown has made. Do you have a low relationship, or a high one?

Two branching routes that each have three different variants depending on what your Crown chose with regards to security and safety. Will you get the best outcome and save lives, or the worst outcome and see casualties? Perhaps somewhere in between?

The love interests are also on the move, some of them quite literally...

A few additional changes made to the game overall:

Note the updated content warnings!

Changed the name mentioned by Mîr Lîlan during A's Chapter 7 romance scene, if you choose to eavesdrop on them. I won't mention it here to avoid potential spoilers.

Due to issues on mobile and the itch.io app, renaming your saves manually will no longer be possible if you use the in-game save menu. The game will automatically save with your Crown's name, the chapter you're on and the LI route you're on if applicable.

Existing saves may show "CH0" if you load one up that was made in the middle of a chapter, but once you pass through the start of a new chapter, it should correct itself. In other words, it’s not a bug!

Of course, it’s still possible to rename your saves if you Save To Disk, which is what I always recommend over using the in-game save menu.

Thank you for all your patience and support, I hope you enjoy the new chapter with the nearing end of this summer 💖

For those that are unfamiliar with the game

A Tale of Crowns is a high fantasy romance story, told in the form of a text-based interactive novel with choice mechanics. The setting is inspired by Kurdish culture as well as other historical settings in the Middle East such as Ancient Persia, but it also draws heavily from other cultures and countries in the region.

Your character is native to Arsur, a vast empire overseen by a single ruler known as the Crown. Unlike traditional monarchies, however, the title is not inherited through blood. Whenever the Crown dies, their famed golden eyes pass on to the one chosen by the Spirits of this world to be the new Crown. In this story, your MC takes on that role.

There are four different love interests to choose from, whose genders will be customized to suit the preferences of your Crown. You can find more info about them on the blog page!

Also note that this current version of the game is safe for those 16 years and older.

Like the premise so far? Play it and give it a try! The entire game is free!

If you enjoyed the game, please reblog! Share it with your friends! Recognition and reader interaction is just about the only thing I get in return for creating it ❤️

#interactive fiction #twine game #interactive novel #choice game #chapter update

[shygirl4991]

Chapter 2 Isn't it Romantic?

A shout out to @cody-the-cat enjoy seeing the idea come to life! All art is by @alianarepasa do not repost! A Four Chapter special as thank you for all the support you guys have given me!

Last Chapter Next Chapter

Summary: SMG3 just wanted to make himself a nice cup of coffee before the work day began, but when he takes a sip from his freshly brewed coffee and passes out he will wake up to a huge surprise. Three other versions of himself now run wild in the mushroom kingdom and he has to stop them before the world learns all his secrets. 

Tags: Love Confessions, Enemies to friends to lovers, Romantic comedy, fluff and angst,

Book sighs walking up to Three “You done? We need to put our heads together and figure out how we can fuse.” Heart bites a cookie humming while Spade waits till Heart isn't looking to steal multiple cookies. Noticing what Spade is doing, Heart giggles acting like he isn't looking “I know this isn't all sunshine and rainbows but we are here together! Let's head home, get some coffee and think!” Three sighs walking ahead of them not wanting to look at Heart, Book frowns noticing the shift in Three’s behavior as they walk back to the cafe. 

Heart takes out a new keyboard from the bag humming “You think blue would like this?” Spade rolled his eyes. “Four is always on his computer. I swear that dumbass must be glued to it…so yeah he will.” While Heart and Spade talked, Book walked over to SMG3 “Feeling overwhelmed, or are you not a fan of having your heart open to the world?”  Three bites his lip staring at Heart then he walks over to the table with his leftover coffee and tosses it in the fridge “That can't be a part of me, i mean SMG4 is such a loser me falling for him ha funniest joke!” 

Book frowns “I think you should think harder about your feelings on this Original,” Heart turns hearing what Three said and frowns. Spade sighs, smacking Heart at the back of his head “If you're that worried then go show him why you're important, not that I care or anything about what happens. Just go, the idiot should be home.” Heart gives spade a soft smile before sneaking out of the cafe. Nervously he thinks of an excuse as a reason for the odd appearance as he enters the castle, there he sees SMG4 patting Beegs head with a huge smile. Heart could feel himself glow looking at the man, blushing as he approaches. “Um hey SMG4…” he takes a deep breath getting ready, Four turns around looking at him confused “What's with the pink?” Heart facepalms and groans doing his best to pull out a different trait, he crosses his arms “I made a bet and welp i got the shit end of that stick, look can we just not talk about my looks.” Four frowns before nodding feeling bad for his partner. He hums thinking of a way to cheer up the man, thinking up the perfect place he grabs Hearts hand causing the personality eyes to glow for a moment. 

“I need to do some meme research, want to join me?” he winked at Heart causing the personality to blush, then he intertwined his fingers with Four surprising him. Heart lets out a smirk that stuns the other guardian “Why of course! I may not know about living memes but an afternoon with you doesn't sound so bad!” SMG3 was feeling done with the conversations about Heart, there was no way someone like that is a part of him. His chest started to feel warm, his mind was then swarmed with thoughts of SMG4. His smile, the smug look he gives when he knows he has you beat. Three was confused as to the sudden urge to run to four and pull him in for a kiss, his face goes bright red as he turns and finally notices Heart is now missing from the cafe. He pushes Book aside looking at the empty chair next to Spade “where is he?”

Spade smirks as he paints his nails “Where is who? Oh you mean pinky, heard he got himself a hot date!” Three felt a chill go down his spine, he grabs the straps of spades overalls “WHAT DO YOU MEAN!” Book runs up to the pair pulling SMG3 away from spade, once free the personality checks his nails to make sure the paint wasn't ruined. Book sighs comforting the upset Three “Original we need to grab Heart, people will notice your strange look and that can lead to some trouble!”  SMG3 glares at Spade and nods “Yeah, we need to make sure people don't think he is me or at least belong to me bleh.” Book lets out another sigh unsure how he can convince the man that Heart is a part of him, Spade nods after checking if his nails were dry to slip back his gloves “Who cares? I mean know how many fucking people saw me?” Book smacks Spade “Behave! Are you aware of what would happen if we stay out here too long away from our body?” the other personality rolls his eyes as he opens the cafe door. SMG3 walks out the door, he was panicking he wasn't sure what that pink version of him is up to.  He did have to admit that there have been moments things were a little on the gay side between both him and four but they both agree it meant nothing. His face goes red again at the memories as Book chuckles “What's wrong original, feeling emotional about something?” 

SMG3 turns and glares at Book, the man shrugs seeing the glare “Look, Heart is a part of your emotions you can't keep denying it i mean look at you. I bet the igloo showed up again in your mind like it usually doe-” before he can finish he gets tackled by both Spade and SMG3 as they both yell “WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!!” SMG4 was driving his forklift on the hunt for any freshly born memes while Heart was beside him humming a song. Four let out a soft smile hearing the hum, even though the man seemed upset earlier it made him happy to see and know that this ride was cheering him up “Feeling better?”  

Surprised by the question, Heart panic thinking “Uh yeah guess so! I mean how can I not when you're by my side blue!” He covers his mouth, eyes wide. SMG4 hits the brakes and stares at Heart “Blue..? I uh didn't take you as a nickname guy, it's uh heh nice i don't mind it.”  he blushes unsure how to take the sudden nickname. Heart hearing the reaction gave the man a huge smile making SMG4 mind go blank “Oh i'm so happy you like it!”  While SMG4 missed the usual look of SMG3 the side he is showing today was a rare sight, he wanted to memorize that smile. Noticing his train of thoughts he panicked, the sudden movement made him slip off the forklift. He screams as he hits the floor making Heart jump off to check on him “ARE YOU OKAY FOUR?!” As heart ran over to SMG4 his hat fell off, Four stared wide eyed at Heart and the light was hitting him just right to make it look like he was glowing. Teal green eyes looking into his blue ones as the wind blows his hair, he never noticed how fluffy SMG3 hair was even in a ponytail. He stretched his hand out to him, a sight that felt familiar “Get up scrub we have memes to hunt!” 

Four takes Heart hand, he pulls him up quickly causing Four to get a little too close as their noses are now touching. Heart let out a shy giggle as SMG4 was lost in his eyes, he knew these feelings well it wasn't the first time he felt this way around Three. This time though they felt stronger, flustered he stepped back “uh thanks..” SMG3 was looking around everywhere he thought would be romantic, that's when he felt his face heat up. His heart was racing and thoughts of SMG4 was swarming him “STOP! I HATE HIM AND WILL NEVER LOVE HIM LIKE THAT!” Book and Spade freeze from the outburst, the pair exchange a concerned look. That's when Book notices a stain showing up on Three chest, he leans in seeing the stain was purple and was coming out where SMG3's heart was. “...You need to accept the truth. How long will you push Heart away! Look at yourself by pushing your heart away, you're getting corrupted!” 

Confused he looks down seeing the purple stain, he touches it and flinches from a burning pain. This meant nothing he told himself as he kept walking trying to find his last personality, Book glares at Three making Spade cross his arms “Book, if the corruption has started that means Heart is going to vanish right? And if that happens we are fucked to yeah?” Book nods looking down sadly “If we lose heart we won't be able to feel anything…we will be an empty husk..” Spade takes off his hat then takes out a photo of Eggdog and smiles brightly at it, he then looks up at three and casually shows the photo “Hey what do you think about this?” Three looks at the photo of Eggdog and softens then continues walking “It’s cute but we need to find Heart!” Spade looks at the photo stunned. Book frowns as he puts his arm around Spade “This is bad, we normally would scream of excitement how deep in the pit is original..” 

Spade sighs putting the photo back into his hat “Get your fucking hand off of me,” Book lets out a nervous chuckle as he steps away from the man. Spade watches as the purple stain grows, he growls showing his sharp teeth as he stomps forward passing Three as he hunts down Heart. Heart was having a fun time watching Four take pictures of memes and writing down notes on them. Heart opens his mouth then freezes as he feels sharp pain go through his body. He looks down and sees the color on his overalls start to fade, his hands start to shake “Heh…still rejecting me…why…what did i do wrong?” Heart eyes start to water realizing he was being erased. SMG4 stands up excited to show a meme he found when he noticed Heart was shaking “Three are you okay?” Heart jumps hearing Four and starts to run away ignoring the man calling out to him. If he were to die he wouldn't do it in front of SMG4, the world starts getting blurry as he falls to the floor.

He could hear the panic in Fours voice nearby giving Heart more strength to get up and run “I…can't stop,” he then locked eyes with Spade running towards him. If heart didnt feel like he was going to pass out he would tease the tsundere personality for looking so worried. Spade dashes and catches Heart “HEART! GUYS I FOUND HIM!” Heart coughs and breaks down crying as he sees more of his color fade “Spade…i don't feel so good..” Spade nods patting Hearts head “Don't worry pinky, if i have to i will beat our original ass just know i'm not doing this for you alright? I'm just doing it because I would hate to lose my love of bombs.” Spade blushes as he picks up Heart and runs to the others, SMG3 eyes go wide seeing the energetic personality so weak and pale. The teal green eyes have gone gray, the rest of his clothing was slowly following. He reaches out to only feel sharp pain in this chest “AH FUCK WHAT IS THIS PAIN?!” he drops to his knees shaking as he looks at his hand covered in a strange purple liquid. Book slowly walks up to Heart and holds his hand “The pain is your heart dying…every time you reject him the more you reject having emotions. Heart is dying because you can't admit no because you're too much of a coward to admit the truth.” 

Book glares at Three “I SMG3 Logic admit the truth that i am in love with SMG4,” Three shakes his head causing more pain, Heart eyes flicker red for a moment as Spade sighs his face turning red “I guess…yeah i could be in love with that idiot so what?!” SMG3 shakes his head making Spade angry  “LISTEN FUCK FACE! WHAT'S SO WRONG HAVING FEELINGS! I LOVE BOMBS AND VOILENCE WOW HOW FUCKING HARD WAS THAT TO SAY!” Heart taps Spade letting him know to put him down. Heart eyes glow red as he gets closer to Three then smacks him “WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT ME! WHAT DID I DO WRONG!” SMG3 starts to cry as he suddenly hugs Heart. Spade and Book take a step back surprised, heart softens as he wraps his arms around Three. As SMG3 kept crying slowly the color was returning to Heart “I…what if he stops being friends with me…i cant..i can't lose someone again.” 

Heart lets out a giggle “ Love is scary but remember what happens when you don't let me do my thing? We lost Terrance..and he never got to know we loved him like a son..please stop rejecting me.” he looks up his eyes looking into Hearts. He felt the pain slowly leave his chest as he wipes his tears, Heart gives him a soft smile starting to feel himself again “Honestly why are we so stubborn with our emotions hehe.” SMG3 lets out a soft smile “I love SMG4…i really do and im scared about it,” Spade rolls his eyes “Nothing to be scared of, not like that bitch can do anything if he does I BLOW HIM UP HAHA!” Three sighs watching Spade letting out an evil laugh.  Book lets out a huge smile “I’m so glad we got over that, cause now we have a new problem. Wasn't heart hanging out with SMG4?”

“SMG3 WHERE DID YOU GO!?” Four was running around in a panic wondering where SMG3 was. Three and Heart stand up in a panic “Shit!”

#smg4 #shygirl4991 #smg34 #smg3 #smg4 smg3 #smg34 fanfiction #smg43 #alianarepasa #split into threes!

[blairrwaldorfs]

Is It Over Now?

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Fake dating your flatmate, Joe, should be a simple thing. It meant you get to help get his ex back, and it meant you get to stop your parents' nagging about bringing someone home for once. But what happens when fake dating turns into something unexpected? Now, what?

Author's Note: Part 5 is here! This is the last part I left off before I deleted the old blog, so I will be working on part 6 this week! Comments are always welcome! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: 18+, smutty-ish

Wordcount: 4.2K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten

The sound of papers shuffling on the table and the low volume of the television behind you was the only sound echoing through the flat as you watched Sara sign all the last few paper works that she needed to do for her and Abby’s adoption. You decided to visit their place and help them out with everything they needed to prepare since Abby was busy at the art gallery. Besides, the last thing you wanted to do was stay in your own place after the night of your mum’s birthday dinner. 

Funny how you were starting to also feel uncomfortable in your own flat. 

“So, when are you going to meet her?” You asked Sara. 

You studied the boxes that were stacking up around their flat. Abby and Sara had gone shopping for all the things they needed to make sure that the little girl they were adopting was going to be all settled and comfortable. When your eyes met Sara’s, you immediately saw her face beaming with excitement as she finished signing the papers in front of her. You knew this had been a long process for them, and they have been waiting for this answer. You couldn’t believe they

were finally almost at the end of it. 

“In a week.” Sara replied. “I’m so excited to meet her. The agency said that she’s only two years old, and her name is Elena.” 

“And she’s from the orphanage that you guys visited before?” You asked. 

“Yeah, poor thing.” Sara sighed. “Her parents passed away in a car accident just last year.”

Your eyes widened, “What happened?” 

“When she finally turned one, her parents decided to go out for a date night because it had been a while and going home, they got into a car accident. Her grandparents are too old to take care of her, and she doesn’t have any other family.” 

“Ohmygod.” You gasped softly, feeling your stomach drop. “But does her grandparents keep in contact?”

Sara nodded her head. “Yes, they would visit her, and we’ve met them. Her grandma is starting to forget a lot of things, and her grandpa could barely walk.” 

“That’s horrible, but I’m happy that she’s going to be in a good family.”

Sara leaned back on her chair, and you saw the hesitation in her eyes. It was almost like sadness and at the same time, a terrified look on her face. 

“What if I’m not going to be a good mother?” Sara asked. 

“Are you kidding?” You chuckled softly. “You’re going to be a great mother, and Abby will too. The both of you are such a good team already.”

That was the difference between you and Sara. She has her life together, and she knew what she wanted. It wasn’t like she didn’t have flaws either, but she was just better at all of this. Better at organizing her life, better at making decisions, and she knew the path she wanted for her life. You, on the other hand, didn’t really know what to do. You woke up everyday and just survived and hoped you would eventually find your way. That you would eventually stop being so terrified with life. 

“Thank you.” Sara smiled. “And thank you for always supporting me and Abby.”

“I’m always here for you.” You smiled, getting up from your chair to grab the both of you a drink. “It’s just the nerves that’s making you overthink about all of this, but I know that you will be an amazing mother.”

You handed her the glass of wine as you took a sip of yours. 

“C’mon. Why don’t we start setting up her room?” You smiled, setting down the glass of wine on the table before lifting up one of the boxes and walked over to Elena’s room. 

You couldn’t believe that during uni, you and Sara would just talk about this and who would have a family first and now, you were helping her set up the bedroom of her first child. It was so surreal. Taking the knife, you sliced through the tape that was on top of the box before opening it. 

“Do me a favor and please don’t spoil her.” Sara mentioned as the two of you read the instructions on how to set the bed up. 

You laughed softly and said, “Yeah, I’m not going to promise that.”

“Don’t give her something that she doesn’t need.” Sara argued. 

“Sara,” You tilted your head, giving her a look. “I’m the cool Aunt in this picture, I’m supposed to be the one who spoils her all the time, and you will get mad at me for doing that, but you’ll just roll your eyes and let me do it anyway.”

“Oh, is that so?” Sara laughed, throwing you one of the plush bunnies that was next to her. 

“Yes, that’s how it works.” You shrugged, “It’s the law.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Sara said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “They said that she’s really shy, but she’s so sweet once you get to know her.”

You smiled, picking up the screwdriver as you started putting the bed together. “You’re so great with your students, Sara. Now, you’re going to have your own child, and I know that you and Abby will love and take care of her.”

“Yeah, lately, I have been having second thoughts about this and maybe you were right. It’s just nerves. Even Abby tells me that.”

“It is. Even with Abby, I know she will be great. I’m really happy that you two are doing this and have found Elena because I know she deserves the world. You both are entering the next chapter of your lives.” 

“Thank you. We really are, and I couldn’t be more excited and happy about it.” Sara smiled, handing you the screws as the both of you put up the headboard of the bed. “What about you?”

You grunted, getting up from the floor and moved the bed in the corner of the room. “What about me?”

“How are you and Joe?”

You sighed and set your hands on your hips as you looked at the bed that the two of you just put together. Who knew you could do this with patience since you usually were frustrated whenever you put together a furniture. 

Maybe because your patience has been tested lately. 

“It’s the same thing every week.” You shook your head and watched Sara pick up the box with the bedsheets in it. “For some reason, he isn’t even paying attention to Ivy anymore.”

“What?!” Sara gasped, dropping the box on your feet.

“Ow!” 

“Sorry! Sorry…” Sara scrunched her face as she picked up the box that she dropped. “Why are you still fake dating him if he doesn’t want Ivy anymore?”

If only Sara knew how many times you have asked yourself that the past two weeks or so. You honestly didn’t know why, and you have been wanting to ask Joe, but he was never home during the week. You didn’t know what he was doing out there, and you kept telling yourself that he was with Ivy. That he was staying over at her house, but you didn’t even know if that was true too. Then, when the weekends came, you would try and talk to him but there were too many people around the both of you all the time. There was never a good time. 

“I don’t know.” You shrugged. “Honestly, I sort of want this to be over because sometimes, I feel like an idiot sitting there alone at the bar, while he made out with Ivy at the back.”

“He’s doing what?!” Sara’s eyes widened. 

“He hasn’t done it in a while when we go out during the weekends.”

Seriously, why were you even defending him?

“But he’s never home, so I figured he’s over there doing whatever he’s doing with her, and it still makes me feel like shit because even if all of this is fake, I’m still the girlfriend everyone sees.” 

You sighed and pulled up one of the chairs that was in the corner. “I’m still the girlfriend everyone sees and the girl who looks like an idiot, acting like she doesn’t know her boyfriend is basically kissing someone else at the back alley, while she’s sitting inside the pub alone.”

“Don’t you think it’s time to stop this?” Sara crossed her arms on her chest. “I feel like this has gone way too far.” 

Your silence was loud as Sara saw the hesitation in your eyes. Honestly, you weren’t even sure as to why you were hesitating because it was a simple thing, right? You weren’t comfortable about this anymore, so you should stop it. So, what was holding you back? Why were you okay with all of this even if it was making you feel like shit? 

“Unless…” Sara interrupted your thoughts. “There’s another reason why you don’t want this to be over.”

“No,” You shook your head, swallowing the last bit of pride you have left. “I just know that it will be over soon, so I just have to see through the end of it.”

“Okay.” Sara exhaled sharply, knowing she couldn’t convince you to stop this. “Well, maybe while Joe is busy with Ivy, you could try and go out there again? I haven’t seen you try with someone for a long time or even go to the pub and talk to someone.”

“I don’t know…” You shrugged. 

At this point, you were seriously questioning yourself as to why you were even hesitating over this suggestion. You would usually agree and go for it. It wasn’t like going out there was something new in your life. That was what you did before this whole plan happened. You would go to the pub, talk to someone, hook up with them sometimes but no strings attached. 

So, why were you hesitating? Was there a part of you that you sort of didn’t want to do that anymore? That you were over just hooking up with someone? That maybe you wanted to actually have a real relationship?

Maybe. 

If only you weren’t so terrified by the idea of it.

“It doesn’t have to be anything serious. I just want you to go out there and see that there’s so much more than what you’re doing right now with Joe.” Sara added.

“Yeah, I know.” You murmured. “Thanks.”

Sara always knew what to say and even if you didn’t want to hear the truth, you were also glad that she was always there to say it to you with no hesitation. On your way home later that night, you sat in the tube and revisited the suggestion that Sara mentioned earlier. Going to a pub and talking to someone other than Joe was better, right? 

You gazed down at your phone that was sitting on your lap as it buzzed and a message from Joe appeared on the screen. 

Going home soon?

You couldn’t help but contemplate if he was asking you that question because he had plans to go see Ivy again, and he was about to drag you with him again or if it was something else. Staring at the text, you didn’t know if you should reply back or not. You didn’t even know if you wanted to see him tonight. You’ve been seeing him too much lately. Your phone buzzed again after a few minutes and another text from Joe appeared on your screen. 

I’m bored. Wanna hang? A movie and pizza? The usual.

The thought of it made your stomach twist and turn again in a good way, but it also made you want to distance yourself more with Joe. You haven’t done a movie and pizza on a Saturday night in a long time and if you were being honest, you sort of missed it. You missed when you two could just sit on the sofa and act like normal flatmates but now, you didn't even know anymore if you could act normal like before. It made you wish you would stop thinking like this as you scolded yourself internally to stop acting up because all of this was just an act, and it would be over soon. 

You wish it was over now. 

Then, your phone buzzed again and this time, it was a text from Abby. You opened the message and saw a screenshot of a post on Instagram where fans were saying that you and Joe were cute together and wondering who you were. A “mystery” girl was what they called you. You stared at the photo of you and Joe during the Dior event just talking by the bar and laughing. It was one of those moments that night where you felt normal with him. Moments where you felt like you didn’t have to pretend and just be yourself, and he was fine with it. He liked your jokes and laughed at them. It wasn’t even a conversation about Ivy or anything. It was just a normal conversation about the event and getting to know each other. 

Then, the sudden overwhelming feeling that washed over you made you exit the text and went back to Joe’s text message. Staring at it, you couldn’t make up your mind whether you should go home now and spend the rest of the night watching a movie and eating pizza with Joe, while these emotions inside of you slowly killed you, or listen to Sara’s suggestion and finally try to break out of this for once and go out there and meet someone new. 

Sorry. I’ll be home late. 

You sent the text to Joe as soon as you exited the tube. There was no way you were going home now and going back to Sara and Abby’s place was no option either. You were already here, and you thought maybe you should take Sara’s advice for once and go out there. Besides, it really has been a while since you went out and met some new people. Who knows, maybe you could kill this feeling that had been circling inside of you.

Walking down the street, you stopped by at one of the pubs that was near your flat and found the place busy. 

Perfect. 

You sat by the bar and ordered yourself a drink, your eyes scanning the room. Unfortunately, everyone seemed to be in their own little conversations. There wasn’t anyone you could just walk up and talk to. Your agenda for tonight was to talk to someone and maybe flirt a little. Even if part of you sort of didn’t want to, you wanted to prove to yourself that you were just too preoccupied with your agreement with Joe that was why you kept having these weird emotions inside of you lately. 

That was it. That was the only reason why. 

However, your little plan wasn’t going too well as you ordered yourself another drink later that night. You were just sitting at the bar alone, and you couldn’t help but sigh and scold yourself for being so pathetic.

Seriously, what were you even doing?

This whole plan was just stupid. 

“Getting your mind off of something?” An unfamiliar voice interrupted your thoughts. 

Just when you thought you were unlucky tonight, a handsome man that was sitting next to you had a small smile tugging on his lips. His piercing blue eyes sparkled as he took a sip of his beer. You were so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice he had sat next to you. 

You tilted your head, a flirty smile appeared on your face. “How’d you know that?”

The man shrugged, “I saw you since you walked in tonight, and you looked like you could use a friend. Unless… you are waiting for someone?”

You chuckled softly. “No, I’m not waiting for anyone. It’s just me.” 

“That’s perfect then. I’m Isaac.” The man held out his hand. 

You smiled, shaking his hand as you introduced yourself to him. Isaac was a nice name and maybe this was the universe telling you that Sara was right. You were in the right direction for taking up her advice for once. 

“So, how come a pretty girl like you is all alone here and looking in such a deep thought.” Isaac asked. 

“Oh.” You let out an awkward laugh. “It’s nothing, really.”

“Are you sure?”

Of course not. 

You let out an awkward laugh. “I’m sure. Just zoning out, I guess.”

You could tell Isaac didn’t believe you, but you didn’t care because he wasn’t the solution to your problem, wasn’t? He was just a band aid.

You had one agenda tonight and that was to go out there again just like Sara had advised you to do. You need to go out there and meet new people and maybe find someone good for you. So, you sat there and listened to Isaac talk about himself. You tried your best to not frown the whole time because as much as you were trying hard to really pay attention, you were just bored. It wasn’t like he was a bad guy or anything because he seemed really nice and a good guy unlike the other men you usually meet at the pubs, but you were just not interested at all. 

So, instead, you flirted. 

You flirted to shut him up, and you couldn’t help but think if any of these people online posting about you were looking at you right now and knew what you have been doing with your life, they’d probably call you a slut. At this point, you didn’t care anymore. You were just living your life and those were just labels people tend to put on other people because they got nothing better to do. 

“Do you want to go outside? It’s sort of getting stuffy here.” You said, trailing your hand up to his arm. 

Isaac wasn’t hard to convince as his eyes stared at your hand on his arm before gazing back up at you and nodding his head. Taking your hand in his, he led you out the pub and towards the side of the building where no one could see the both of you. His lips immediately hungrily crashed onto yours as he kissed you. He pressed you against the wall as you let out a soft gasp, his lips trailing down your neck. Your eyes stared up at the night sky, stars twinkling above you as Isaac pulled you closer against him. His soft lips licked and sucked your neck softly, but your mind was somewhere else. You stared up at the night sky and wished on the stars that your feelings for Joe were going to be over soon. When Isaac’s lips found your jawline and then your lips again, you closed your eyes and kissed him back hungrily. 

“Let’s… Let’s go back to my flat.” You whispered, pulling away from him.

You didn’t need to say any more convincing words because Isaac immediately agreed as he took your hand in his and followed you down the street. Isaac had you close to his side the whole time, and you just hoped that Joe wasn’t awake by the time you arrived at your flat. Not that he wasn’t used to you bringing home a man in your flat but for some reason, you didn’t want him to know this time. 

It felt weird just thinking about going home with Isaac, and Joe seeing the two of you.

Not that you cared about his opinion or what he would feel.

Grabbing your keys from your coat pocket, you inserted it in the keyhole of your doorknob, smiling at Isaac as you unlocked the front door.

“Be quiet. My flatmate might be asleep. I don’t want to disturb him.” You whispered, entering your dark and quiet flat. 

Perfect. You thought.

Maybe Joe got bored without you and decided to go out and see Ivy. The thought of him being with her made your stomach turn again as you dragged Isaac down the hall and right before you could even open your bedroom door, Isaac grabbed you by the hips, turning you around and crashing his lips on yours. 

“Shh…” You giggled softly, reaching for the door and opening it as you grabbed him by his collar and pulled him inside your bedroom.

With his foot, Isaac kicked the door close behind him, gentle enough for it to not slam too hard and made a noise. His fingers started working on the buttons of your shirt as he gently pushed you down on the bed and towered over you. Isaac’s knees dug on the mattress on either side of you as you used your elbows to propped yourself up and watched him unbutton your blouse. Sliding your top off, you slid your hand behind his head, pulling him down for a deep and rough kiss. Isaac’s lips trailed down your jawline as you tugged on the hem of his shirt sliding it off of his broad shoulders. 

“Hmm…” You moaned softly, letting his lips trail down between your breasts. 

For a moment, you stared at your ceiling as Isaac sucked on the skin of your neck softly, letting another small gasp escape from you. You felt him smile through the kiss as he slid your bra off and sucked on your nipple, squeezing your other breast with his other hand. You couldn’t help but moan again, closing your eyes as he kissed you again deeply. 

Your mind was spinning as Isaac started unbuttoning your pants, and you didn’t know if it was the alcohol that was running in your system or that your mind started playing tricks because as soon as you pulled away from the kiss and opened your eyes, the blur image of Joe staring right down at you was the only thing that you could see. It was almost like Isaac’s face had glitched in your brain and Joe’s face was now right there in front of you. His chocolate button eyes staring right into yours, and you felt that jar of butterflies open up in your stomach. 

Suddenly, you sobered up quickly. 

“Um…” You used both of your palms on his bare chest to push Isaac away from you. 

“Yea, sweetheart?” Isaac murmured, trying to kiss you on the lips again, but you had turned your head away from him. 

“Um…  hold on.” You slid yourself off your bed, grabbing your bra and blouse and immediately sliding it back on.

What the fuck was happening with you?

“What’s wrong?” Isaac stared at you with worried eyes. 

“I…” You exhaled a sharp breath, picking up Isaac’s clothes from the floor. “I think you should go.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

The poor man. 

It wasn’t him who was the problem. It was you.

If only he could understand what was going through your head right now, but you needed this to stop because what the fuck was that? What the fuck just happened? You didn’t even got the chance to answer him because you were shoving his clothes in his arms, shoved him out of your room and out the door. Isaac was barely putting on his shirt when you closed the door to his face and immediately slid your back on the door. 

“What the fuck?” You cursed under your breath, burying your face in your hands. 

This has never happened to you before. With anyone… ever.

You didn’t feel anything but frustration and confusion. You didn’t even realize how frustrated you were until your hands had slid off your face and your mascara had stained your palms. Tears were rolling down your cheeks because how could you feel this way? Joe only wanted Ivy and that was the plan in the first place. This whole emotional mess you were feeling wasn’t part of it. You were only playing a part. Acting. Pretending. 

That was it. 

You didn’t have the right to feel alone and insulted over Ivy’s friends’ opinion because you were only pretending. 

They didn’t know the real truth,  

You didn’t have the right to feel this way about Joe because all of this was just acting. All of this was fake. You never had to deal with emotions like these before, and you didn’t know what to do with them. You didn’t know if you were just getting carried away by the show that you and Joe kept putting on almost every weekend or all of this was now real.

At this point, jumping off of something tall would hurt less, honestly.

Wiping the mascara filled tears that were staining your cheeks, you slowly pulled your legs close to your chest, your arms wrapping around them as you laid your head on your knees. Even if you told yourself many times that you were fine, and you could do this, how come it still made you feel so alone? Why did it made you feel like shit? Why did you have to agree with this plan in the first place? You were such an idiot. Now look at you.

A godforsaken mess for someone whose eyes were only for one woman, and that woman wasn’t even you. 

This whole thing needed to be stopped. 

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