alelogarza

[alelogarza]

I wanna write poetry again, but I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't think so, I don't know so, maybe

#cringe #what? #scribbles

[alelogarza]

"Is God gay?" Well, in some cultures, in some religions, God is everything. So yeah, God's probably Ayesha Erotica in some ways

#god #religion #poetry #slam #love #girl #writing #creative writing

[alelogarza]

TW

I'm sorry, I don't think I'll ever express enough how sorry I am for people who have to have a body to survive.

I know the feeling. I know the feeling of guilt.

Of disgust

Of hate

How you hate your body so much you hurt it. How you know what it provides for you but you don't know how to appreciate it.

I feel sorry for you to have to go through all those feelings.

And even after going through this hell that is hating your own self, you have to go through the hell of other people hating it too.

I feel sorry for them. You make them feel guilty

Your body does so much for you, and it's still not enough? You're ungrateful.

I feel sorry for you

I feel sorry for myself.

Because I am the feeling of hate, of guilt, of disgust,

I feel sorry for myself because i have a body, and it is my most horrifying nightmare

#writing #poetry #the horror of having a body #cringe

[alelogarza]

Analyzing the song "Paper Bag" by Fiona apple verse for verse (excuse me if smth doesn't make sense English isn't my first language) ALSO I am no expert I didn't do any research this are just my opinions and what I think the song is trying to tell us. It's MY interpretation, if I'm wrong... whatever

"I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star. To pray on, or wish on, or something like that"

This reminds me of the scene in the movie "eat, pray, love" where at the beginning, the protagonist feels so lost, she doesn't know what to do so even if she's not religious she starts to pray, looking for some kind of answer. I hope you get what I mean.

"I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy whose reality I knew was a hopeless to be had"

I see this as when you fall in love with someone you've never talked to so you make your own version of them, and you fall in love with the idea of them, not really their real personality

"But then the dove of hope began its downward slope"

You realize you made your own version of them, and they're actually a horrible person

"And I believed for a moment that my chances were approaching to be grabbed"

You really believed in that fake version of them, you thought they may actually become that version (spoiler alert: they didn't)

"But as it came down near, so did a weary tear"

A slap back to reality

"I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag"

We'll talk about this line later on

"Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad. Oh, it kills"

She describes her want for him as hunger, it hurts to want something you can't have, so it kills her eventually.

"Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up"

You remember that Edgar Allan Poe phrase "tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway" ? I imagine that was what she was expecting. A passionate love who wouldn't leave her for anything, but we have to remember that she had created a false reality in her head where the guy she fell in love with is the man of her dreams, where in reality he's not. So, the harsh reality is that no one wants to deal with mental illnesses, as harsh as it sounds, it's true. It's hard to find people who will love you no matter what, who will love all your imperfections as they are.

"I got to fold cause these hands are too shaky to hold"

Once again, it's hard to deal with mental instability.

"Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love"

Even if you want them so much it hurts "starving," forcing yourself to get over them because loving them costs too much. Their constant mistakes are not worth it.

"I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb, looking for a little hope"

Searching in them a part of the perfect version you had created in your head of them.

"Said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine. A fail to kiss is a fail to cope"

You don't find anything, because as I said, it's a fake version of them. Once again, it's a slap back to reality that you won't get what you want.

"I said I don't feel so good, don't feel justified. Come on, put a little love here in my void"

First I want to point out something little I noticed that is probably not true but it's interesting to think about. When I first heard the song, where it says "don't feel justified" I thought it said "Don't feel just divine" and I think it's a representation of how society always views women as always wanting to be pretty and beautiful and be seen as such. And if you as a woman actually feel like that, awesome, you do you, totally valid, i also want to be beautiful and be a teenage girl forever. But some women want to be heard and seen not for their looks but for their ideas and writings.

Now, onto the whole verse of the song. I think this part is talking about how you've been brought back to reality way too many times, it's left a void in you, but you keep looking for some kind of hope or justification, which can also explain the "don't feel justified" part. You start to think that maybe everything you thought of is actually fake, and you're looking for your partner to prove you wrong. You beg them to make your delusions reality, but they won't.

"He said it's all in your head, and I said so is everything, but he didn't get it"

This can be interpreted as two things. First, I'll say what I think it means and then explain the popular interpretation.

What I think it is is that it's the most explicit way the song tells us about the daydreaming, delusions, and how she had made a fake version of the guy she loves. "It's all in your head" maybe he was trying to gaslight her into something and she responded with "so is everything" as If she's saying "you included", but of course, he didn't get it.

The popular explanation is that she's talking about how us as women have deep philosophical thoughts since we're little and how we grow up faster than most guys, and men have the same thoughts later in life, but they're still more praised for those ideas than women ever were.

I think my version goes with the story of the song but it's interesting to think about the popular interpretation.

"I thought he was a man, but he was just a little boy"

Another explicit way of telling us what the song is about. Just as some verses before "I thought it was a bird but it was just a paper bag" but now, the exact way she meant to say that phrase. You thought it was everything you ever wished for but, well, you were wrong.

I think my interpretation is the most accurate because this is the way she resumed the whole meaning of the song into one phrase. And it covers every single one of my points. This is the last verse she sings before repeating the chorus the rest of the song. Sooo yeah,

What a pretty song, right?

#paper bag #fiona apple #music #rock #indie #spotify #interpretation #meanings #writings #feminism #delusions #delulu #blogging #blogger #blog #poems on tumblr #poets on tumblr #writers #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage dirtbag #teenage girl #girly #love #heartbreak #love poem #love songs #girl poet #beautiful women #beauty #song interpretation

[alelogarza]

I don't think I am a good person. I grew up drowned in compliments. I was a pretty girl dressed up as an ugly one. I grew up in my fathers yelling, and it doesn't make much sense really, but you're not looking for beauty in hell but for peace. You're looking for a quiet place to read and a calming night to hug my mother without being scared. I don't think I am a good person. I think I have become what I hate most. I think that sometimes I am too much and that my voice is too loud and my breathing too heavy. I don't think I am a good person. I didn't think so when I made my mother cry because she didn't know how to make me stop wanting to kill myself and I didn't think so when my sister begged me that all she asked for was for me not to stop loving her. I don't think I am a good person. I didn't think so when I met you, and I responded dryly even tho you said "hi" with the biggest smile on your face. I didn't know if I was a good person when you texted me, and I responded while leaving everyone else on read. I didn't know if I was a good person when you called me pretty, and I blushed, and you smiled. I didn't know if I was a good person when you asked me to dance and I said yes. I didn't know if I was a good person when you asked me on a date and I said yes.

I still don't know if I am a good person but for some reason you do think so.

And the thing is I am a liar. You don't know shit about me. You don't know about how I treated everyone like shit last year, how I ghosted every single guy that wanted to get to know me. You don't know why I was scared to be seen by people from my past when I was with you that day. Because what if they tell you? What if they tell you that you are fucking crazy for even thinking of talking to me? What would you think? Would you back away? Start leaving me on read like I did all those guys? Start doing everything you should do before it's to late? Before I start to love you? Even worse, before you start to love me?

I am a liar. And with you, I am running away from a past that keeps chasing me, and you are the only thing standing in the way. I'm sure if you knew half of this shit you would think I should go to hell and fuck myself like everyone else does buy you're the only one I want to keep from that, if only I could get you to stay even after knowing all my sins. Please tell me I am a good person even if I'm not. Please...

#poems on tumblr #poetry #poets #poems #love #heartbreaking #heartbreak #relationship #toxic #sad #sadpoems #essay #creative writing #writing #art #expression #female poet #love poem #cringe

[alelogarza]

"guapa" "mi reina" LAJFWLFNAOFJSLFJSOD BASTA THIS NEEDS TO STOP

[alelogarza]

"the abused becomes the abuser"

[alelogarza]

missing her (my ex best friend)

#ex best friend #best friends #bff #i miss her so much I'm not even joking anymore

[alelogarza]

I LOVE making a big deal out of small things.

BE DRAMATIC that's what life is about

#Keep being a drama queen #no to drugs yes to drama #everyone stfu #let me be me #do what u want

[alelogarza]

lipstick on a pig

[alelogarza]

Happy 62nd birthday to Dave Mustaine! 🎂❤️🎉

[alelogarza]

#alt #tiktok #alt tiktok #2020 #nostalgia #2021 #2020 fashion #2020 alt #alt fashion #bunny hat #frog hat #2020 tiktok #2021 tiktok #Melanie Martinez #cringe #cringy #2020 nostalgia #2021 nostalgia #punk #skirts

[alelogarza]

I frogging hate the "2020 makeup vs 2023 makeup" trend.

I know the makeup in 2020 wasn't the best thing ever and we were cringe af but still, they're doing their 2023 makeup so carefully and beautiful while on their 2020 makeup they just put eyeliner on ALL OF THEIR FACE

like- girl

I KNOW you spent HOURS on your eyeliner trying to get it perfectly symmetrical

#2020 #makeup #2023 #2020 makeup #2023 makeup #eyeliner #cringe #cringy #alt #tiktok #pinterest #alt makeup #outfits #alt outfit #fashion #before and after

[alelogarza]

I absolutely hate how the internet has affected generation alpha.

These kids now that are maybe on Roblox or on Omegle or idk can totally talk to strangers if they don't have the right supervision. There's gonna be a point in their lives where if they have a question maybe about something intimate or something private they won't ask their parents, or an adult who cares about them and would answer their questions the right way from experience from their lives. They will ask Google or TikTok or Twitter and they will get the worst information possible and will not get the right education from there.

I feel like every kid I talk to has the same personality and it's so sad when suddenly they're talking about shows or games they shouldn't be playing at that age.

And now, their parents, oh gosh, don't even get me started. I had my first tablet when I was around 10 or 12, I had supervision from my mother and I used it to play that one minions game. These kids are doing god knows what and their parents couldn't care less. Why are you giving an ipad pro which costs thousands to a kid who is gonna use it to watch things they shouldn't be watching on YouTube and TikTok?

It's just so sad to see a little kid having a TikTok based personality. And their parents laughing and saying they're a gamer and they spend all their time on their phones. You know that's how we describe a teenager?? Not a five year old. When we think of little kids we think of inocence, naiveness and adventures, not on how their posture is gonna be when they're ten because when they were five you give them their first iphone.

Let kids be kids. Do not give unsupervised internet or technology till they're mature enough to know what's right, what's wrong and all the dangers of people on the internet. Be better.

#internet #kids #generation alpha #gen z #technology #alpha #children #parents #millennials #be better #unsupervised internet #maturity #maturing #little kids #mothers #fathers #10 year olds #five year olds

[alelogarza]

at least I've had a big glow up since then

[alelogarza]

if you insist on pretending that people are oppressed for their "sex", then don't complain when you're rightfully called transphobic

does anyone else remember when women weren’t allowed to vote or is that just me?

[alelogarza]

#help #love #hopeless #hopless romantic #write #writer #writing #poem #poems #creative writing #poetry #pinterest #loveless #metalhead love #obsessive #ex #ex best friend #i don't want to write about you anymore