#// and constantly would wonder if she could've fixed everything or do something to stop what happened

[edenpoise]

⁽ @wrstson ⁾ ― ： starter call. from here .

E . ― THE CRIES OF HER FIRST CHILD WAS SOMETHING SHE COULD NEVER FORGET. From the first moment she had laid the child against her chest- the stream of tears and the refusal to cease of his crying until she had lead him to her breast to feed- from the moment she had seen his face Eve had known she had felt a true sense of love. A true sense of utter adoration- a feeling that nearly raged a burning sense of PROTECTION and LOVE- her first born child, Cain.

Other children would follow after. But it would be Cain that followed in his mother's footsteps, the act of sinning. There was no doubt within her mind- she had cursed her children, from the moment the LORDS voice had revealed the death of her second child. The mourning, the sorrow- the tearing anguish she had felt from not only the babe in which had been d e a d in her arms- but from also the cruelty in which she had blessed her child, her Cain. She had unsaid pleas on her tongue- the torn duty of mourning for a child she had lost- but also the desperate need to keep her first by her side. The last she had seen of her CHILD had been so long ago- and she feared she could no longer remember the look on his face from the last glance her way.

But she could never forget her child- almost as if all the years came back to her at once-

" ... Cain, " Her breath was wispy, filled with a disbelief ( and hope )- "- My baby ... is that you ? "

#✾ ⎰ ❛ the birth of choice . ❜ ⧸ ⊰ in char ⊱ #✾ ⎰ ❛ a dance which shall never end . ❜ ⧸ ⊰ thread ⊱ #// U G H i need to make relation tags #// CAUSE AAHHH HER BABY #// eve has so much love and regret in her entire being for her children #// she feels like she has failed cain so badly for how things turned out #// and constantly would wonder if she could've fixed everything or do something to stop what happened #// she loves her children so fiercely

[theguineapigproject]

The Guinea Pig Project

TW: Mentions of depression and underlying tones of suicidal ideation

I probably could've come up with a better name for this but honestly, after joking about it with my friends the other day, this just sounded right. I was telling them about starting counseling sessions with a psychiatrist, my fifth attempt at getting professional help, when one of my friends said, "I love how you're just like a lab rat, trying out different things." And it was just so out-of-the-blue and funny, we just couldn't stop laughing.

Although now that I come to think about it, she called me a lab rat, not a guinea pig. But well, I'm too far gone at this point so The Guinea Pig Project this is.

Truthfully, I was a bit nervous about posting this because privacy and what not. I think the thing which I focus the most on is the thought that someone I know would read these blogs and just be like ???

But I managed to just start writing and honestly, it's strangely fun? I'm smiling right now as I'm babbling all these words out.

I don't expect anyone to read this anyways because I wouldn't either thanks to the internet reducing my attention span to the size of a squirrel's. This is pretty much me journaling, but in an open public forum.

If you're wondering what particularly made me start this blog at this specific point in time, well...

I've just been having a shitty time honestly since more than a year now. It's come to this point where it just hurts so so so much and I'm questioning the existence of the world, the existence of everything around me. I just want it all to stop.

I just really really want the pain to stop.

And I also want things to make sense in my head. I understand that it's because of everything that I've been through that's fucked up my ability to even think the smallest of thoughts but it's still just so frustrating. I just want the fog in my brain to clear up, I just want to be okay.

I was having one of those moments tonight. I just felt so irritated for no reason and my heart was aching. I couldn't stop crying and I just... I just really wanted it all to stop, I guess?

I was talking to my lover and it calmed me down, thankfully, and we just stayed in silence over text, breathing together. And I just wondered about how there's so so so much I have to fix and it's so overwhelming. And somehow, it just crossed my mind that I wanted to make this a public journey in a way so that if someone, anyone out there is suffering the way I am, it'd be of some help to them.

And then I remembered the guinea pig (or rather lab rat) analogy by friend had given that way and I decided that that was what I was going to be, what I was going to do. I'm going to test out and experiment different sorts of mental health advice and see where it gets me, how it makes me feel, whether or not it actually improves my mental health and stops my suffering.

I feel like I've reached a point in life where I kind of scoff at mental health techniques like affirmations and, just generally, healthy habits because I have all these complex emotions inside of me that reject them. But hey, that's what The Guinea Pig Project is all about. I try out different things without judgement (or even if there is judgement, that's another thing I'll need to work on) and let's just see where that gets me.

It also adds that sort of accountability factor, you get? Since I'm posting this publicly. Again, I doubt anyone's going to bother with this but there's just that mental effect anyways. And well, if anyone does bother with this, I love you and thank you for starting this journey with me? I just love the kind of compassion people can show each other when they're all going through tough times.

I think right now, it's just so important for me to take a deep breath and realize that I have time. That's something that's so difficult for me to grasp, I just constantly feel like I have to fix my life right this second, I have to make big decisions right this second or I'll die. And it really brings me so much peace when I slow down and realize that it's okay, there's still time, we'll figure it out one step at a time.

I'm just so scared of everything that time holds.

There's just so much to fix.

Okay, deep breath. One step at a time. I heard the phrase 'socks before shoes' in an ASMR video from one of my favorite creators, GIBI ASMR, and I just loved it so much. It made me feel so calm, a gentle reminder to take it one step at a time.

Ohmygod, I've already written so much.

Okay, what I'm going to focus on right now is figuring out how to deal with this constant sense I have of losing time. Figuring out how I can just slow down and process everything in a calmer state of mind. I searched it up online just now and being the overwhelmed little guinea pig I am, I just started to panic that there's so much for me to do all at once.

Honestly, what I think will help me the most with this is just deep intentional breathing or meditation, reminding myself that I have time. I usually practice deep breathing for a couple of seconds in the morning after I've freshened up from the bathroom and done some yoga, but I think that isn't as effective as concentrating on the fact that there is time. I'd like to repeat it almost as a mantra.

"I have all the time in the world. I have my whole life ahead of me. I'll take one step at a time."

I think I'll start by doing this for a few minutes in the morning and evening everyday. And every time I start feeling overwhelmed, this can serve as a bonus.

Guinea Pig Test#1: Meditate on the thought that I have all the time in the world to work through all my trauma in the morning and evening. Bonus meditation for whenever I feel overwhelmed.

I'm starting to feel sleepy now, so I think I'll get to bed in a bit. I don't feel in the mood to do any skincare, I'll just fill my water bottle up at my bedside and snuggle in the covers.

I feel really relaxed and just nice right now, being able to share my thoughts like this. I'm really grateful for having access to the internet and to websites like these where I can pour my heart out.

I love you, and I pray from the bottom of my heart that whatever difficulty you might be going through ends and leaves you feeling like a better, stronger, and happier version of yourself.

I'll see you soon, good night!

#depression tw #depression treatment #depression and anxiety #anxious #anxiety tw #anxiety struggles #mental health #therapy #coping #mentally exhausted #rant #ramblings #personal #tired #personal development #selfhelp

[alecxaheart]

Someone's Someone | Bang Chan Oneshot (2)

✎ Genre : CEO AU, Soulmate AU, Fluff

✎ Pairings : Bang Chan X Reader

✎ Word Count : 5.5k words

✎ Synopsis : We all just wanna be someone's someone that we can't live without. At this time, Chan was looking for his. And unexpectedly, he was already tied down to someone.

✎ Warnings : Explicit Language

✎ Parts : 1 , 2

" Let's just part ways here, " Saying those words felt a bit disheartening at some point, yet you chose to disregard it.

You walked forwards, while Chan stayed in his position, wearing his coat and fixing his tie. Although, something stopped you. As in you couldn't go forwards as much as you force to. Well when you did force yourself, it only tugged Chan towards you. Turning around, he was already eyeing you. " What was that for?! "

Glaring at the thread, you thought out loud, " Is this string telling me, it can only stretch itself approximately at 7 meters?! "

Twin buildings towered above you two, heavy work's shouting for the both of you. You suddenly feel so small when you found out who this dude was in the company. Either way, you stepped inside the building next to him as if you're supposed to be. You don't have any other choice though unless you wanna be dragged by this buff guy and look like a fool rolling around since the thread is invisible to the public.

" I'm surprised that you don't know who I am, " He stated as you entered the elevator with him. You could tell how much of a fuss this is already when you walked in those doors alongside him.

" Does it really have to be my fault when I only started working here a few months ago, Mr. CEO? " He responded with a chuckle.

" It's Mr. Bang, well, at work. You can call me Chan when we're not. I don't like such formality and bringing work on my rest hours. "

" Oh, so you're that Mr. Bang. The one I hid from last night, " You whispered the last sentence.

" Pardon? " The elevator chimed as you reached your floor, opening its doors swiftly.

" It's.. It's nothing, " You stuttered and hastily stepped out of the elevator while Chan followed. " Why are we on my floor again? Isn't yours like, at the very top floor just to have that stunning view of the world or something? "

" Seems like some fanfiction you got there for me, " He chuckled first while you lowered your head in embarrassment. " But no, my office is at the opposite building, about two or three levels above yours which means it's the middle floor. In addition to that, I have to discuss matters with your boss due to some adjustments that we have over here, " He brought up his thumb to your view, talking about the red string. " Just hand over the documents then wait for me outside by the door, copy? " Chan explained as he stopped in front of a dark oak door, knocking on it three times.

" Adjustments? What- "

" Come in, " The voice on the other side of the door called out. You could've had a short session of hesitations first but this Bang Chan just opens the door widely and gives off such superior vibes that gave you the chills - like he should 'cause he's the CEO, he freaking owns the place. You did wonder why you haven't been fired yet after every informalities you've shown to him. What a great first impression you got there for a Chief Executive Officer, you're never gonna get a promotion to get out of this trashy position.

The surprising entrance of the uninvited and unexpected guest caught your boss off-guard. " Ah! G-Good morning, Mr. Bang! " Ms. Kang frantically stood up and bowed, her phone slipping off of her hands and onto the desk. Looking up, she saw you behind Chan, your hand fidgeting around the strap of your bag while head held down. " And Ms... (Y/N)? " She questioned as she averted her eyes back to Chan.

" Pardon me although I won't be here for long, I'm only handing you the documents like you instructed, Ms. Kang. " You said while handing her the documents. She took a quick scan on it before she gestured you to leave. Following Chan's instructions, you wait by the door as soon as you've shut it. Trying your best to not let curiosity get the best of you and eavesdrop, you distracted yourself by scrolling through your phone and jamming to some Monsta X's songs.

" May I ask what business brought you here to my office? "

" I'd like to compromise. "

It wasn't long that you've thought about getting fired and promotions, not even hours had passed.

Yet here you are, promoted and working as the CEO's assistant on that very day like it's the only choice. Standing on the polished marble floors, opposite side of the building, in his high-class office. It was spacious enough to fit two office desks and a lounge (probably for coffee breaks or small meetings) yet grand-looking with the accent walls and chandelier. The smell of lavender and the nice fluorescent glow it had made it better. Speaking of glow, you suddenly missed Kim Seungmin, the only co-worker friend you got. His bright presence who would constantly bother you from time to time during work hours. You can't really pinpoint whether he is an angel or demon with that fact because most likely you're the one being scolded instead of him. He better be jealous by the time he finds out you're now a CEO's Assistant.

" Ms. Kang got what she wished for in exchange for you getting the 2nd best achievable seat in the company, " Chan continued to elaborate the discussion in the room where it happened as he took a seat, not even bothering to help you fix your new desk if he was a gentleman. Honestly, it's undeniably comfortable being around this man despite you only got acquainted with him this day.

" Seriously? Can't you just promote me with a snap of your fingers? " You whined, arranging all of your things out from the container.

" Maybe if I had the infinity stones, " He first joked and you're not taking it. " Although it's Ms. Kang, there's an exchange for everything with her, " He casually said, looking through his emails with his chin resting on his fist.

" I- " Learn to shut your pesky little mouth, (Y/N). Your own conscience just sealed your mouth from babbling nonsense.

Well, let's think about the bright side. First up, you're promoted, meaning you'll get a way higher pay than before. Second, you're free from Ms. Kang's grasp. Third, Chan seems like a nice and chill boss. If your impression on him will be proven wrong, in any way he couldn't be as worse as Ms. Kang 'cause so far he saved your butt and doesn't mind your attitude.

" Ah, right. You're staying at my house for the meantime, " The book you're trying to place on the top shelf just fell on your head, making you lose your balance and fall to the ground. The loud thump made Chan glance at you, preventing himself from laughing. With your head aching and vision uneven, you tried to process what he said.

" What did you say? " Chan stood up from his chair and made his way towards you.

" I said you're staying at my house until we figure out how to break this thread off, " He answered as he offered a hand for you to take. This simple action made you tense, feeling your face heating up. You gladly took it with weak legs, though you eventually got back to your own feet without his support.

" Yours? Why not mine? I bet it's closer to work than yours. "

" You got a lot of complaints, I hope you know that. "

" No I'm not! Just.. talkative, " You bluffed, pouting. " And fine, your house then. Mine's probably not as presentable as yours anyway. "

This is the red string of fate that kept you two together the whole time, knotted around one another's finger securely. Both of you share the same thoughts while sitting on the couch in the living room of Chan's luxurious penthouse. It did offer extravagant views of Seoul from the top of the apartment, making everything feel so surreal. Could it possibly be malfunctioning? It's supposed to stretch out without limitations as well as it'll be invisible to the naked eye including yours, according to the tales and legends you've heard as a child. Most importantly, how could you break it off?

" Maybe this had to do something with the child, " Chan thought to himself, legs crossed and eyes trained down to the floor. " You cleared our schedule for the week, correct? " He looked towards you, catching your gaze on him.

" Yes, I did. Why? " You couldn't help but be enchanted in his brown eyes. It did look brighter in the sunset than before as the sunlight kissed his face. You wanted to take a closer look at it as to what it may hold within those orbs.

" You know the child back in the train? The one who placed this string of fate around our fingers? " With those words, you were snapped back into reality.

" Child? No? I was asleep, remember? " You looked away and a dog's appearance caught your attention, feeling soft and in 'awe' for it immediately. It had some large brown spots on its white fur, fluffy and has this wavy ears. It looks quite similar to that dog named 'Lady' in "Lady and the Tramp". Noticing that it was really friendly even with strangers, you patted its head lightly as it neared you. Chan witnessed you bond with his partner, smiling. The dog was ecstatic to make new friends with you that it jumped to your lap. Giggling, you ruffled its fur and kissed its forehead. " Seems like you're well loved, baby~ " You cooed, booping its nose.

" She's Berry, by the way. " Chan informed you while watching you play with berry's paws.

" I have to say, she's the cutest, " You flashed a beaming smile at him, eyes forming into crescents. Chan couldn't do anything but smile back, his heart slowly melting at the scene in front of him. You caught the sight of his dimples, which made you think that it's now one of your favorite features he has. If everyday's like this, it'd be such a bliss. Yet you know it'll somehow be just another memory you'll treasure since there will be an end to this.

Back to reality, Chan further tells you the details of the occurrences while you were sleeping. " Ah, right. About the child. If my memory serves me correct, he was blonde headed and had ocean blue-like eyes. He's about 4'6 feet in height and the one who placed this thread around our fingers. When I tried to run after him, he just vanished into thin air. "

" You sure you're not being delusional? " You carefully placed berry down on the couch then made your way to the kitchen.

" Positive. " He replied while petting his companion, who's getting some rest first, before following you. You asked him what his plans were, wrapping your fingers around the refrigerator handle. Opening it, you scanned for available foods due to your stomach being upset in this whole conversation. There's a lot of goods, especially meat. You're assuming that this man eats a lot even when he's on his own. While you were busy with that, Chan thinks of an itinerary for the whole week to get your own lives back. Until, his deep thoughts were interrupted by you.

" How about we eat dinner first so then you can plan properly, hm? You want steak? " You asked, placing the ingredients you need right in front of his view. His eyes just twinkled before you and were already on the raw steak, famished.

" Chris wants steak, please! " Enthusiastically said by Chris, giggling afterwards.

" Steak coming right up just for Chris! " He responded with a small clap, smiling ear to ear. You have to be honest, your first meeting with him is just the worst than any other possible happenings to you two's first meeting. Yet you're satisfied that at least you met him in some way that brought you closer, especially with this string of fate. And today's gonna be a long night for the both of you.

It's very late at night yet your body wouldn't let you rest despite Chan giving you his whole king-sized bed while he sleeps on his divan couch a few meters away, or so you thought he's fast asleep. Although the comforter, mattress, pillows, just the bed as a whole is definitely a 5-star, you can't really sleep easily in someone else's home that you just met. Minutes that felt like hours passed, your eyes were blankly staring at the ceiling. The silence was quite dreadful for you usually at night, which is what you get for watching a fairly ton of horror movies. With a few sessions of hesitations, you decided to break it by calling Chan first. " Psst. Hey Chan. Who designed your house? "

After a short pause, you received a fade sound of shifting and a groan. " A friend of mine. His name's Hyunjin. Why do you ask? " He responded, staring at the same ceiling as you. Arms resting behind his head.

You laid down on your stomach then propped your chin on your hands, facing him. " Is he cute? "

" Seriously, (Y/N)? " He deadpanned. " Also he's already Changbin's anyway so I suggest you stay away unless you want a death wish. "

" Okay, Okay. Chill. I'm just asking, " You rolled your eyes. " I just can't sleep. "

" I already offered you the best bed there is. " Chan looked at your direction and glared.

" It's not that. It's from the fact that I can't fall asleep easily in a stranger's house, that's for sure, " You shifted again in the soft cream cotton bed, letting your body sink. It's like you're laying on a relieving cloud in the heavens.

" We've already passed the stranger level. Let's say we're acquaintances. "

" That doesn't make any such difference especially to my problem but okay. " You pouted.

A long pause surrounded the room, the chills slowly creeping on to your skin. You covered your whole body with the warm comforter, feeling the slumber visiting you little by little. A yawn escaping your lips and eyes getting droopy. Pondering for a second before you let yourself sleep, you took a last glance towards Chan. " Are you cold? " You asked when you saw him without any blankets. He responded with a hum.

" A little bit. But I'll be alright, don't worry, " He yawned, eyes getting heavy as he slowly visited dreamland. " Goodnight, (Y/N). "

However, before you reply, you silently get off the bed when you're sure Chan's too tired to even open his eyes again. Making your way around the room with tippy toes until you found what you needed. You've gone over to his divan couch where he occupies it, placing the blanket you found on top of his and Berry's body, who happen to be sleeping peacefully right next to him. With a weak smile, you finally greeted him back before heading back to the bed and your slumber, " Goodnight Chan, Berry. Sweet dreams. "

Almost afternoon came but none of you decided to rise and shine, except for Berry who's starting to get hungry. It was indeed past her usual breakfast time and she doesn't seem to like the sound of having 'brunch'. So then to get what she needed, she has to be the doggo clock for today.

Berry starts barking the best that she could although it didn't make any much effect, Chan only responded by covering his ears and turning away while you stayed unbothered in your deep sleep. She proceeds to hop back on Chan's couch and licks his face, surely an effective way. He immediately flinched at the wet contact and moved Berry's face away from his, slowly opening his eyes to meet an adorable face smiling at him. " Good morning to you too, " He replied followed with a yawn.

The King Charles Spaniel dog makes her way out of the room after accomplishing step one. While Chan took his time before completely getting out of bed - or rather, couch. With a few stretches and after taking a glance at the time, he made his way out of the room to make breakfast. He glanced towards your sleeping figure. Mumbling a silent, " Thank you. " for what you've done to him in the middle of the night before carefully closing the door behind him.

Before he could even reach the kitchen, a tug from his thumb stopped him in his tracks. Chan forgot that the string of fate only has a length of 7 meters. Sighing, he went back to you and thankfully found you still fast asleep.

Chan sat down on the edge of the bed, your back facing him. Once more, his dark brown eyes gazed upon your sleeping beauty state underneath the sunlight. Once more, he admired this mesmerizing view of you for a good few seconds. He lightly tapped your shoulder, causing you to shift your body to face him while responding with a hum. " Good morning, it's time to rise and shine, " He greeted in his husky morning voice, unknowingly smiling sweetly at you. You replied with a groan, covering your whole body with the comforter. " C'mon, let's go and have breakky. "

" You should've woken me up when breakfast is ready, " You whined, your voice muffled underneath the comforter. Chan chuckled then pulled down the comforter away from your face, " I would've if it wasn't for this string. Now come on. ". You groaned, feeling defeated. Sitting up on the bed, you opened your eyes to meet Chan's face filled with softness and joy. Seeing that first thing in the morning made you smile. It was lovely.

A loud bark from outside of the room interrupted, assuming that Berry's dying of hunger. You instinctively hopped off the bed and hastily made your way to Berry, Chan followed suit. At the kitchen, you both found Berry sitting in front of her food bowl, whimpering. " Oh no, the baby's hungry, " You cooed as you knelt down to pet her. " Chan, you can start making our breakfast, " He followed your instruction, putting on an apron and started preparing you two's breakfast.

" Where's her food, by the way? "

" Are you sure we're gonna find him here? " You questioned, walking a little behind Chan at the same train station yesterday. His strides were big and quite fast which made it difficult for you to keep up at his pace. To the point that your eyes were set on the floor where you have a clear view of you two's feet. You're trying to match his pace but you immediately get worned out and fall behind once more. You guessed it was a CEO thing.

" Well, did you see him in any other places? " You fell silent, continuing to keep up with his pace. The fact that you've been asleep during that time and missed the chance to see who's behind this string of fate hit you. Chan's considered lucky to be awake and witness it.

Chan took a glance behind him to see your reaction, only to find you struggling to match with his settled pace. As soon as he noticed it, he slowed down and matched his pace with yours. Confused, you looked up at him. There were no signs of annoyance or pity on his face, and that made you delighted. What a considerate guy.

It wasn't that long until you both got in the train. The two of you sat down next to each other on a vacant bench and let the train lightly sway you as it starts moving. There was a comfortable silence lingering in the train car as you waited for this child to come into your view. Fortunately, the train's not as crowded as you thought it would be so it would be easier for you to spot the child.

After 3 more stops, you started to get distracted. Your eyes boring onto the view of the opposite window side. Chan kept cautious in his surroundings, still having high hopes of seeing the child's appearance. He didn't realize how much time had already passed and sooner or later, they'll reach the last stop. On the other hand, you slowly began to get drowsy. It's probably because you're sleep deprived for the past few weeks, over-working yourself since that Ms. Kang came into your life. You let your head rest on Chan's shoulder unconsciously which surprised him. With that, Chan first made sure you were comfortable, setting aside the thought of needing to meet the child. He hesitated first, though he did ended up wrapping his arm around you and kept you close to him. Feeling relaxed and secured, you shut your eyes as you slept in his warm embrace.

Chan noticed how much exhausted you are during the time he's been with you. He may not know exactly how tough your previous boss was to you, but it did show a huge impact on you. He thought that you looked so fragile underneath his touch, and he greatly feared the moment you might break. So he made sure to be careful with you. But other than that, he felt the urge - the need or wanting to protect you at that moment. He did questioned why, out of all people, he felt it from and because of you.

Maybe, it's because you looked so exquisite especially under the sunlight. Maybe, it's because he thought you looked adorable and amusing at the same time when you whine or complain. Maybe, it's because you're motherly especially to Berry.

Maybe, he just caught feelings for you. That's why he's questioning " why you? ", it was already love.

Unfortunately for the both of you, you never got to encounter the mysterious child once more. Days have already passed, it has been almost a week. Yet to you and Chan's dismay, no signs of the boy at all. The both of you began to lose hope and just give up. Especially you.

You felt guilty for being the least focused between the two of you, leaving Chan more responsibilities. Find the mystic child and to look out for you. You weren't really in the best shape right now, Chan knew that. You easily got tired, tend to oversleep, and you're hella pale, which you knew well that it isn't so you. " I'm sorry, " You mumbled weakly, your legs crossed and back lean on the couch pillows. Trying to not lay down and sleep more since you did just woke up from a faint.

Hearing this, Chan head over to you then immediately refused. " No, no, no. It's alright, no need to apologize. Just focus on getting better right now, okay? " You replied with a small nod, his warm hands were on yours. That simple touch always made your blood color your cheeks and feel so shy. He went back to the kitchen to continue preparing your dinner as soon as he is satisfied with your answer. In the mean time, Berry made sure to keep you busy and entertained.

While Chan's dicing some pork on a cutting board, he took a glance at the red string wrapped around his thumb. He noticed a small difference to it ever since the first day you both tried to look for the child. It had more of a faint color red, losing its opaqueness. Almost like it's about to vanish which is at some point is a good thing. Though it still has its limitations for length and never broke at your own will. He wondered if you have noticed it as well. What would it be like to be back on your own lives? Chan would be lying if he managed to picture that when he felt disheartened just at the thought of it. He got used to your small complaints, you baby talking and spoiling his dog, needing to be taken care of - when you're unable to do it yourself, even the pocket knife in your bag, that he couldn't imagine you being gone. You did became apart of his life afterall and that left him thinking of making you stay. Chan already figured that he's starting to like you back then on the train, 1st day of hunting down the child.

Which got him pondering. Concluding to a theory that maybe, this string of fate isn't going to vanish. It was only starting to get invisible to your naked eye, just like what you originally thought it would function. But it will always be there no matter what. This string of fate just happens to be more translucent the more you both realize how much you love each other.

Chan tore his gaze away from the string, switching to your pale figure in the living room. Once he knew he could leave the food cooking for a while, he grabbed a glass of water and went back to you. " You like that friend of yours, huh? " You referred to Berry's favorite dog plush. Seeing Chan in your peripheral vision, you locked eyes with him. Beaming him the sweetest smile you could muster which he instantly returned. He offered you the drink and you gladly took it into your hands. Taking a sip, you could feel Chan's eyes burning through your skin. Heat rushes to your face just by that. It's frustrating how you're so easy when he's by your side and only with him. Frequently getting the butterflies, timid, blushy, heart racing, distracted by how ethereal he is, and everything related. And you completely denied your feelings for him.

Chan took a seat beside you, now looking at the pitch black night sky out of his window walls. Those dark brown orbs showed a hint of disappointment. Following his gaze, you figured out the reason. The sky's literally pitch black, starless. As well as the moon being nowhere in sight. The melancholic sight did brought a frown to your face and you couldn't stand it. Looking back at him, you realized that there's no need for you to be crestfallen. In fact, you should be in awe.

It seems like Chan took and held the whole galaxy in his eyes that's why the night sky is empty. His eyes twinkling and shining in the darkness. Many must've envied him for that and it feels so surreal to witness it in by your very own eyes. To have it in front of you. And maybe, just maybe.

You do like Bang Chan.

" Where the hell are you taking me, Chan?! " You quietly panicked as Chan led you to an unfamiliar forest. Just the thought of the crawlies present in places like this made you shudder. " D-Do you really think the child would be brave enough to be here when I am already cowering in fear just looking at this? "

" We're not here for that child, " He chuckled at your state, continuing to walk ahead of you and deeper into the woods. Your wary eyes stayed restless, darting from left to right. " We're here to just relax. " Chan's voice began to echo the farther he is away from you.

You started to get pissed at how he started being inconsiderate and how relaxed he is right now, that's definitely not what you know about him. " What the fuck are you talking about?! So we're just wasting our ti- " The sudden raise of your voice resulted a noise in the forest - sounded like a bird flapping its wings. The sound made you flinch then you picked up your pace to get to him. You tugged onto Chan's jacket which caused him to stop and look back to you. " Chan, please, let's just go home. " You hushly pleaded from behind him, your head hung low in fear and embarrassment.

Sighing, Chan held both of your hands in his. Rubbing circles on it for you to ease up. The both of you still connected by the string of fate, which looks like it's bound to vanish soon. He also noticed how you're short in breath. " Easy, easy. Take deep breaths with me, yeah? " You matched his breathing with yours, eventually loosening up in his warmth like always. You just felt so safe and secure when you're with him. " Let's proceed? I promise you that when we get there, it'll be worth it. " He reassured, never leaving his grip on you.

" Chan.. " You whimpered and Chan instantly hushed you.

" If it makes you feel better, I'll never let go of you, " Oh how you wished that'll last forever. " Sounds good? " You nodded hesitantly.

With that, you let Chan lead you towards his destination. The comfort of his hands wrapped around yours never left on the way just like he promised. It wasn't too long until you saw light at the end of the forest. You could hear faint sounds of waves meeting the seashore and birds singing a melody. The fear you had a while ago slowly washed away as you're nearing the place.

Reaching the light, you witnessed the jaw dropping sight of the beach on the other side of the fence. Like Chan said, it is promising and worth it. He guided you in hopping onto an enormous boulder to get to the other side and you didn't complain, you're too drawn into the beach. In excitement, you went ahead of Chan, letting go of his grasp. Your feet immediately ushering you to the seashore where you could feel the cold water at your toes. As soon as you got here, you felt like you were cleansed. As if the sea took every problem, worries and fears away from you. It was healing and just the thought of it made you smile unknowingly. You never knew you needed this until now, it has been years since the last time you've been this carefree.

On the other hand, Chan's seated at his usual place. Where he could take in the whole view. Now that you were apart of it, everything seemed to set into place for his secret escapade paradise. All felt just right. The way you dance with the waves, moving with the sea, completely letting the rhythm of the water set yourself free. Plus the wind blowing your hair, your face glowing underneath the sun, how blinding your smile was at that moment, he cherished it all. " Perfect with no reasons, " Chan thought out loud as his eyes were trained on you. Unbeknownst to him, it was loud enough for you to hear it clearly.

" Perfect? " You questioned, making your way to his side. His eyes widened, alarmed. Chan looked away without hesitation. The tip of his ears starting to turn red in embarrassment. You sat down next to him, knowing that you'll be bringing some sand in your pockets back home. Noticing his ears, you let out a hearty laugh. " Aww, look at you! "

" I know, I know, " He started, covering his ears. " I'm helpless. "

" Huh? What are you talking about? " You asked while tilting your head to the side in confusion. There was a short pause, only the sound of waves continuously ringing in the area could be heard. As well as the sound of leaves rustling while the wind whispers sweet nothings to it and palm trees swaying from side to side.

" Like- "

" If this is you doubting yourself again, gosh Chan you're not the helpless one between the two of us. " You pointed out with your arms crossed. " You're a CEO of a well known company! Plus, who took care of me? You. Who saved my ass from Ms. Kang? You. Who just comforted me a while ago? You. You are never incapable or weak. If anyone told you otherwise, I- "

" I'm helplessly in love with you is what I meant, (Y/N)! " Chan confessed, now facing you.

Then, the thread in your fingers entirely loosened without any of you knowing.

The two of you locked eyes for a minute. Both surprised by everything, especially you. The wind did whisper something to the two of you, too. Yet it's difficult to figure it out at the moment. Even in broad daylight, his eyes still held the whole galaxy. And you could never let that dim.

" You walked into my life as if you've always lived there, like my heart was a home built just for you, " Chan continued, his hand already searching for yours. Looking down at your now intertwined hands, eyes filled with pure love and adoration. " It fits just like a glo- "

Perfect with no reasons.

Chan was taken by surprise at your sudden answer. You cutted him off, attaching your lips to his. Your free hand finding itself cupping his face. He then passionately responded to the kiss, his arm snaking its way around your waist to keep you close - now that the string of fate is invisible and endless. The kiss resulted you to feel so lightheaded. The softness of his lips brought you to euphoria, everything just felt so right in place. In the end, both of you were left breathless. You couldn't do anything for a few seconds after, keeping your eyes closed with mouth agape of you to try let your mind process what just happened.

You did't need for him to explain or give you anymore reasons why he loves you. The string of fate has always been the answer, reason and explanation to your love. Ever since the beginning, you and Chan are destined to meet regardless of the time, place or circumstances. It may stretch or tangle but nothing could break it and never will. You're one another's someone's someone who you can't live without.

End.

#alecxaheart #stray kids #stray kids chan #stray kids bang chan scenarios #stray kids bang chan #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids oneshot #stray kids oneshots #bang chan oneshot #bang chan imagines #bang chan #chan #skz fluff #skz #skz chan #bang chan scenarios #christopher bang #ceo au #soulmate #soulmate au #stray kids bang chan imagines #stray kids bang chan oneshot #sk-writersnet #straykidznet #stray kids fluff #fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop oneshot

[dancingazaleas]

𖨆. 02 / all for us

summary: you’ve finally decided it was time to eat and bathe, but now that you aren’t worried about starving to death, you’re getting homesick. maybe a cup of tea and a movie is the best.

note: i, now, have a taglist for this series especially!! here’s the taglist form!! it will also be posted on the series masterlist!! much love <33

word count: +3.0k

warnings/notes: starvation, manipulation, abuse, slight panic attack, thoughts of suicide

IT'S been five days since you've had anything to eat.

your body is so weak from the lack of nutrients that you can't stand up on your own. your head is constantly aching from lack of food and you keep getting dizzy.

you feel like you're on the brink of death now, you can't even get out of bed to get yourself water out of your sink, shortening your life span if you keep this up. you feel yourself crying as you roll your body off of the bed and onto the floor.

hissing in pain, you dig your nails into the spruce hardwood floor.

"you are not weak for this. you're surviving," you whisper to yourself as you push yourself forwards with your arms.

it's so painful with the bruises. they rub up against your clothing, already irritating them a bit more than before, and now it's having pressure added onto it. your tears are blocking your sight, but you push on anyways. the door has never felt so far away.

you almost perk up when your nails scratch at the door. with weak fists, you bang at the door and call for one of the men that has captured you. your tears are dripping on the ground below you, forming a small puddle as they all bunch together.

"please," you croak, "please..."

the door is being unlocked and you feel as if all of your strength has been used at that moment. you lay still as your breath falters from your sobbing.

the door bumps against your head, shooting a sharp pain through your head. you can't find strength to care about it.

"so you're finally ready to listen. you look pathetic," you don't have to look up to tell it's levi speaking to you.

he calls out to erwin, telling him to fix you small and easy meal and to get you new clothes. he squats down and takes you into his arms bridal style.

if you weren't crying and letting out weak sobs, he would think your dead. you're so limp in his arms and your eyes are empty and droopy as they stare right through him. and it creeps him out.

he takes you into a bathroom with a tub, setting you gently on the toilet. he doesn't bother locking the door behind him, you're too weak to run away right now. levi's preparing you a bath, walking back and forth as he gets towels and soaps and checking the water.

you hiccup as you watch levi starting to remove that collar and chains around your neck, and you feel like a weight has been lifted off of your chest, literally. he's undressing you, obviously trying to avert his cold eyes away from your body. you're gently laid in the bath, head resting against the rim.

levi's quiet as he pours a warm cup of water over your hair and face, squatting down to reach your level.

"stupid," he scoffs as he lathers up shampoo in his hands. he washes your hair gently.

"this isn't mine and erwin's fault," he shakes his head while he pours water over your head, "it's your fault. you refused our care."

you don't argue back, too tired to even think of a comeback. you also don't feel like getting beat any more than you already are. your eyelids are getting heavy, immediately shutting them as soon as you feel the pressure on them.

levi stares, mouth slightly parted as you breathe in and out through your nose. your cheek was sprinkled in the color crimson, his own handiwork made him cringe. he just sighs, now brushing through your locks of hair with conditioner coated on his hands.

he rinses his hands off, letting the conditioner stay there just for a few seconds so it can soak in. his eyes trail down your body, stopping at your bruised breast. he didn't even realize he hit you there.

he shrugs it off and gathers water into the small cup in his hand, pouring it over your head. he expects you to jump up at the water over your head but all you do is mumble. he wants to wash your body, specifically your underarms, but with you half asleep and barely able to stand on your own without him holding onto you, he can't.

he clicks his tongue and pulls out the cover up blocking the drain. he grabs you by the arm, ignoring the whimper of pain that you let out, and pulls you up onto your wobbling feet. he helps you step out of the tub and wraps a fluffy pink towel around your shoulders, carefully sitting you onto the toilet again.

the bath water is a little murky and levi cringes at it because he knows it'll leave a ring around the tub. he'll clean it up later.

erwin's opening the door, a pile of clothes in his large hands.

"she's all tuckered out," he chuckles, handing off the clothes to levi.

"yeah. don't know how, she's barely done anything. must be the hunger or something," levi shrugs and watches the folded clothing come undone as he holds the hemline between his fingers.

"maybe we were too harsh on her."

"no, we weren't. we can't trust her. believe it or not, but forks can hurt whenever you put force into them when you stab someone. she could've hurt one of us or herself," he folds the clothes over his arm and holds out a hand.

erwin hands him underwear, "i suppose you're right."

"i'm always right," levi carefully puts on your underwear for you.

erwin rolls his eyes at levi's comment, "make sure to dry her hair."

"i know what i'm doing," he snaps, "go put her food in her room."

erwin complies, swinging the door shut behind him as he goes to fetch your food.

you've barely processed their conversation, too focused on levi's hands putting you in a satin light grey nightgown that ends just below your knees. the bishop sleeves keep your arms warm and cold at the same time, in fact, the whole material of the dress does as well. the neckline is a v-neck, not that you mind too much because of the risk you might get too hot.

"do i...," you manage to mumble, "do i have to wear this to sleep...?"

"yeah, unless you feel like sleeping in just underwear. i don't think you want that though," he scoffs as he towels off your damp hair.

you don't reply, far too tired to even say a 'whatever' to him. you let your forehead come into contact with his hip, taking in the cold temperature radiating off of his body. you want to nuzzle into his hip, but thankfully you have enough will to not do so. it reminds you of your friend, pieck, and her cat like tendencies. the memory has you letting out a pained laugh.

levi can feel his face getting warmer at every movement you make with your head, but he manages to play it off because of the towel blocking your view. he throws the towel into the basket by the tub, hand silently stroking at the back of your head in comfort.

it doesn't give you comfort. but you don't let it show.

levi's grabbing a hair brush, a clean and new one, and running it through your (hair type) locks. there are far too many tangles from the lack of care you've been giving your hair, but not enough to make a knot.

levi then pulls out a block of deodorant from the cabinet below the sink. it's unused and you can smell the scent of flowers on it as he brings it closer. his hands slide up your dress with caution, trying to avoid coming into contact with your bruised body.

he manages to put on the deodorant easily. he picks you back up with a grunt, eyebrows furrowing at your pained expression. he's placing you back onto your bed in just a matter of seconds, throwing the covers over your legs.

erwin's sitting at the edge of your bed, holding a fork with food already on it. your eyes are droopy while you look at erwin.

you don't eat a lot, they're in fear that you might throw everything up if fed too fast. you don't blame them, you haven't eaten in five miserable days. it's best to be cautious.

"scooby...," you manage to whisper out, eyes fluttering shut.

"she wants to watch scooby doo even though she's already asleep," levi huffs with the shaking of his head, grabbing the tray from erwin's hands.

erwin follows after levi, closing the door behind the both of them and locking it.

"she seems to be getting adjusted," erwin notes while standing behind levi and watching him wash the dishes.

"only because she was on the brink of death. let's just hope she learned from it," levi's aggressively scrubbing the plate with a sponge.

————

you lay in your bed a few days later, the feeling of homesickness is eating you up inside. did no one care? did anyone even notice you vanished? where was everyone? what were they doing?

you think of zeke. the man you were sort of dating, it's complicated. well, it was. now, it's just nonexistent.

zeke was out of the country for a bit, something to do with work. he left you with a kiss on the forehead and a hug. you wonder if he's texted you.

you think of pieck. oh my god, she's had to have noticed by now. she's your best friend, she lives with you. but the memory of the two of you fighting right before you were kidnapped comes flooding back, and you deflate. if you weren't in the house then pieck would probably think it was normal.

what about porco? reiner? your guys friends who act like guard dogs towards you. where were they? did they notice? surely they had to, you never not text them back.

bertholdt? your close friend that you also worked with him. he was a music prodigy and he texted you almost everyday. did he notice?

you're breathing erratically as you sit up and clutch your hands over your ringing ears. where were they? where even was your phone?

you're gonna get killed before you can tell any of them that you love them. the thought has you crying and tugging at your hair. you were so mean to pieck before you were kidnapped. you hadn't talked to zeke since the day of your kidnapping, who probably wasn't worried because he was busy with work.

when will you see them again? will you ever even get to see them again?

'maybe after death,' you think, eyes darting up to the mirror on your vanity.

you slap yourself upside the head, slapping away the thought. you struggle to get onto your feet, but when you do, you're banging at the door for levi and erwin again.

you have to know if they're okay, to know if they know you're gone. you step away from the door at the sound of keys jingling and their footsteps.

"what are you freaking out about now," levi's being followed by erwin.

"my friends... did.. did you tell them i was okay," with a boost of confidence, your gripping at levi's biceps.

"get your filthy hands off of me," he smacks them away.

"yes, we did tell them you were going away. we said you decided on a vacation," erwin speaks and watches your eyes dart back to the mirror.

"fuck," you whisper to yourself. everyone would believe you'd go on vacation, you had been stressed with your job for the past month.

"levi's gonna make you some tea and then we can all chat, we were about to do so anyways," erwin's hand rubs at your back as he pulls you close to him.

levi leaves the room, following the orders of erwin. erwin, on the other hand, is cooing at you.

"no one's going to miss you," he whispers in a sweet tone and it gives you goosebumps, "no one at all."

you know it's not true. it can't be true. zeke would miss you. reiner would miss you, pieck, porco, bertholdt. they'd all miss you.... right?

"we're the only ones who care, no one else cares," his grip tightens.

"want to know what that girl said," you hear the arrogance in his voice, and you can't do anything to stop it since he's buried your face in his chest.

"she said she was glad you were on vacation. she said that it was good that she didn't have to see you," yoy hiccup against his chest, pieck couldn't have said that, right?

he pulls away finally, satisfied at your expressionless face—if you overlook the tears. you can't give in, pieck would never say that. never in a million years would she say that, even if she hated your guts.

right?

levi comes back in, hands holding a tray that has teacups and a pot of tea on it. levi goes to the area with three chairs, setting the tray onto the coffee table and sitting himself down in one. erwin follows behind him, leaving the chair in between them open for you to sit.

they stare at you expectedly, it makes you uncomfortable so you decide to just deal with it and sit with them.

"what tea is this," erwin asks while levi pours everyone a cup.

"earl grey, what else do we have," levi hands a cup to erwin and then to you.

you hold it by the handle, silently admiring the cup's delicate and intricate design. you try to ignore the voice in the back of your head to break it on the ground and slash your neck open. you want to drink it too, it smells absolutely perfect, but if you hold it any longer you might just listen to that voice.

you set it back down, left hand immediately grabbing at your right wrist. you didn't trust yourself to make a move on your own, if you did you fear it might end up with a shard of glass at your throat.

erwin's ice eyes stare at your wrist and hand, taking in how your knuckles were white and the skin on your arm was reddening.

"just say if you want handcuffs," erwin sips at his tea and looks away.

"what," you flinch at his voice interrupting the quiet that was once there.

his comment has you looking at your hands, which you let go of at the sight of the irritation.

"sorry," you shrug and lean back in your chair.

"good. can't have you hurting your hands," levi comments, eyes staring outside of the bay window.

"speaking of that," you sigh, "why do you always leave my hands alone. you've shown no mercy to my arms, so why my hands?"

"when you're good enough, you'll be allowed to play the piano," erwin crosses a leg over the other, ankle resting on his knee.

"play? for who? there's no one in this empty house but us," you scoff and cross your arms.

"me. and there's more people here than you think," levi's giving you a small smirk, "you're just separated from them."

"it's hard to believe that you have friends, levi," you mumble loud enough for them to hear. your comment has erwin chuckling and levi rolling his eyes.

"i have friends, believe it or not. watch your attitude," he's putting his tea back onto the tray.

"i don't have an attitude," you sound like a child arguing with their parent.

erwin butts in the conversation before levi can get mad, "anyways, we will allow you to play if we think you've been good enough. levi likes the piano, remember?"

you bite down on your tongue to stop the words 'no but i remember getting kidnapped!!' from coming out of your mouth.

"when can i leave this room, it's too stuffy in here?"

"did you not just listen to erwin? he said when we feel you've been good enough. you've got to start by loosing the attitude," levi snaps his fingers irritatedly.

"how am i supposed to act?!"

"obedient," erwin's now standing over your chair, hands gripping the arms as he leans over you.

"like a dog," you look to levi at the sound of his voice, you try to make yourself smaller.

"you have on a chain and collar for a reason, don't you," erwin smiles gently, hand taking ahold of the chains while he stands up straight.

you choke when erwin tugs the chains towards himself, head knocking right against his stomach while the chains swing in the air and curl around his arm. his other arm swiftly grabs at jaw and forces you to look up at him with your chin pressed to his body.

erwin feels himself harden at the sight, your eyes are widened and your mouth his agape and panting because of the sudden cut off of air.

"just like that," he strokes his thumb along your jaw while you wonder what's caused a sudden change in him these past few days; he used to be so gentle. oh right, kidnapping.

his words have you turning hot, embarrassment hugging you from behind. it wasn't like you easily complied, you were forced to do so. you're also embarrassed because you can feel his hard-on against your sternum, and while you haven't thought about it before, you realize that erwin is fucking hung. you hope that you're not too good for them.

you're saying prayers in your head whenever levi speaks up, "i thought we came in here to watch a movie or something."

erwin lets you go, chains dropping from his arm as he does so. you sigh in relief as erwin grabs the remote from your bed and turns the tv on. you huff while you flop onto your bed and crawl up under your covers, knowing that you'll probably just fall asleep as you watch the movie.

unfortunately, this gives off the impression that you would like to be cuddled. levi's sliding under the covers with you, chest pressing against your back with arms wrapped around your waist. erwin follows soon after, inserting himself in your arms as he scrolls through the different movies at his disposal on the television. you're slightly frustrated at all of the physical contact, but you know that if you reject their advances it'll end up bad for you.

"put on heather's, please," you ask, which erwin obliges to.

as the movie goes on, you hope that they get the message.

you'll be veronica, and they'll be jd.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #aot erwin #dark content #erwin smith #erwin x levi #levi ackerman #levi attack on titan #snk levi #levi x reader #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi x y/n #levi x you #snk erwin #erwin x reader #erwin danchou #erwin x y/n #attack on titan erwin #commander erwin #sorrels.allforus💒

[heaven-in-a-wild-flower]

Crows Headcanon: Wesper Headcanon (Wylan Van Eck and Jesper Fahey)

If you’d rather read this and more Crows headcanons on ao3 here’s the link.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Previous Chapter (Chapter 5)

Chapter 6 (the chapters aren’t related and do not continue the story, each can be read separately)

Wylan

It was inevitable. Their first fight. Of course, they'd fight at some point, living together. It began as everything does, small and barely noticeable. There would be tiny squabbles about clothes strewn about in the room, trinkets never returned to their places. Then it grew and grew, never-ending poisonous vines wrapping around them, strangling them. They spent every moment apart thinking of flaws with the other and every moment together pointing it out.

Just this morning Jesper grumbled about being too warm when Wylan woke up wrapped around him in the morning (even in sleep, his body knows what it really wants, too bad his mind isn't as smart right now). And Wylan knew, he <i>knew</i> that Jesper probably meant nothing by it. But his mind immediately began spewing venom into his heart. <i>You will only ever be a burden. He says he loves you, but he's already tired of you. How much longer do you think he'll stay here when he could have anyone?</i> But he's stubborn and strong and, he refused to show his heart because what else is that but an invitation to stab? So he pulled away and said, "Fine, then. If it's such an inconvenience then I won't touch you at all." And he walked out of the room, tears stinging in his eyes.

Jesper

I know I messed up. I've been messing up constantly. All of this is so new to me. I didn't know it would be this difficult to stay with someone. I've shared so many beds but I've never before shared a room. I didn't realise that it would bother someone else that my clothes aren't always in the cupboard. At first, it frustrated me that he would find faults with me all the time. It reinforced those voices in my brain that told me that I'd never be enough. So I took out those frustrations the way I always have, in cards and drinks and coins.

For a while, it was fine. I thought I'd fixed it somehow. Then, he started noticing more money missing. And he was so so angry. What else did I expect from a bomb-maker, if not an explosive temper? I knew that it wasn't working. I knew it was wrong. I knew that it wasn't truly helping me at all. But it scared me, terrified me that he'd already noticed all the worst things about me, and had to be stuck with that all the time. I realised then that this wasn't going to last much longer. So I gave up. I stopped trying to fix anything between us and just continued to feed the fire. If this is going to end anyway, what was even the point? What would be the point of telling me to please stay, please let me stay? How could I even convince him? He'd seen the worst things, the darkness behind my flirtatious smiles. He's let me stay for months now, and he hates it. He hates <i>me</i>, here. What could I ever do about that?

Even this morning, I complained about being too warm when he'd wrapped his body around me. I'd just gotten up, and for a single moment, I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten that we'd gone from being lovers, loved, loving, to...fighting. I'd forgotten that every word would be taken as a bullet. He'd flinched away from me (it made my heart <i>hurt</i>) and snarled, "Fine, then. If it's such an inconvenience then I won't touch you at all." And he'd stormed out of the room.

I raised a hand automatically, about to stop him. But what could I say? I'd only ever been good at destroying things, not fixing them. So I dropped my hand and laid back on the bed, eyes closed to keep the tears in, not succeeding in the least.

Wylan

It got so bad that even Inej and Kaz began to notice. They'd visit from time to time, either for his help or Jesper's. And naturally, they felt the crackling tension in the air. They never said anything about it, but he could see them exchanging glances, communicating in that way that only they could. It reminded him of the way he and Jesper used to communicate. The gentle brushing of their hands, stray touches on the elbow or shoulder, and he had to stop and take a deep breath to clear the constriction in his lungs.

They were both so tired of fighting all the time that even that had stopped. He never thought he'd miss fighting, but he did. At least then, Jesper was paying attention to him, even if he was smirking thoughtlessly. But now, nothing. They simply avoided each other around the house. He'd enter the kitchen, and Jesper would walk out. Jesper would enter our bedroom, and he'd leave. Even at night, Jesper would stay out so late that they never went to bed together. They did still sleep in the same room, the same bed. They still had that, but he didn't know how much longer even that'd last. So when he inevitably woke up first every morning, he'd stare and stare and stare. He'd caress every inch of Jesper's brown skin that he could see, just with his eyes, hand itching to touch.

He made sure never to get close to him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to let him go. He'd latch onto him and hold on forever.

Jesper

The silence was so loud it was deafening. It made his hair stand on end. He hated this silence, but he also didn't know how to break it. It'd grown so huge, a looming monster growing between them, and he knew no way of vanquishing it. So he let it be. He let Wylan avoid his touch like he had something contagious, and he let him keep as much distance as he wanted, even as his heart shrivelled every time it happened.

The only way he now knew to protect his heart was to stay out of the house. He didn't think that he'd ever need to protect his heart from Wylan. He couldn't believe that this is what it'd come to.

He came home every night, skin chill from the wind outside, aching to sink into Wylan's warmth and knowing he wasn't allowed. So he stared and stared and stared and drank whatever warmth he could from those bright curls and freckled skin. And in his dreams, the only thing he saw, over and over again, were those azure eyes gazing at him like they once did, in love.

Kaz

He'd had enough. What now that they didn't have any problems those idiots decided to make some of their own? He would not let this stand, not a chance.

Inej

She knew that gleam in his eyes. He had a plan, and since it was Kaz's, it was expected that it'd be devious. But, she knew for once that it was with the best of intentions. So she listened attentively when he told her and smiled a tiny proud smile when he was done.

Wylan

It was an overcast evening, and he shivered as he made himself a cup of hot chocolate. Jesper was out, of course, doing whatever he did every day. He didn't know. How could he if they didn't talk anymore? So he took out his flute and tried to practice, tried to ignore his trembling hands. Suddenly there was a loud banging on the door. He dropped the flute and ran for it, only taking a second to check who it was. Inej.

He yanked open the door. She wouldn't bang it like that if there wasn't an emergency. She looked worried, eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide.

What's happened?" he asked.

"Jesper...he's missing," she said, suddenly wilting. His heart stopped.

"What?" he whispered, his voice breaking.

"Kaz needed him for a job, so I went to get him. I checked all his usual joints, and he wasn't there anywhere," she looked pitying now. She'd definitely noticed the way his skin grew paler. If even the Wraith couldn't find him, where could he be? What-what could've happened to him?

"But," she said and he perked up immediately, "we think we know who could've taken him."

It takes them half an hour to make a plan to rescue him, hoping desperately that they were going to the right place. Inej instructs him on which bombs they need, and they set off.

Jesper

It can't be true. It could not be true. Not again. Kaz just told him that one of his rivals had kidnapped Wylan. They were now waiting for him to come to them and demand the ransom. How could this have happened? Why Wylan? He hoped with all his heart that they were at least treating him well, knowing that that wasn't very likely. As they sat there, a fire burned in his belly. He felt hatred rise like a storm inside him. He would not be merciful with whoever had kidnapped Wylan.

He didn't understand how Kaz could just sit there, relaxed as though nothing had happened. No, he knew that maintaining a veneer of calmness would make it easier to negotiate with the kidnapper. But he still couldn't stop his fists from clenching and his jaw from tensing. He tried to breathe deeply, telling himself that the kidnapper wouldn't kill Wylan because that would get him nothing. Wylan would be okay. He had to be. He couldn't die. He couldn't die, with Jesper not able to recollect the last time he touched him, the last word he told him.

So they waited. Jesper grew more and more jittery, legs shaking and fingers tapping and fidgeting. Kaz somehow grew calmer and calmer, cane resting gently on his lap, utterly in his element, ready to do his part.

When the outer door slammed open, Jesper stood up abruptly, and Kaz gripped his cane tighter. The door opened and in came charging...

Wylan

Finally, they got through the gate, and the soldiers posted outside and entered an empty room. He didn't waste a second. The moment he noticed the other door in the room, he rushed at it, pushing it open. And there he was. He ran to Jesper and hugged him, holding on so so tightly. He was so relieved to find him that he didn't even wonder why Jesper wasn't tied up and gagged.

"You're okay, you're okay," he chanted, under his breath, still unwilling to let go of his sharpshooter. Jesper held him in return, nestling his head in Wylan's curls, speechless for once. After a few minutes, or seconds, or hours, or an eternity, he pulled back a little to see Jesper wide-eyed, looking at him like he was a ghost.

"I'm sorry," they both blurted out at once, and they laughed and sobbed at that.

"No, no, I should be the one to apologise. I'm so sorry for being such a mess. The clothes and my other things and the gambling. Oh, I knew I needed to stop, and I couldn't and then- and then-" Jesper babbled.

"No! Don't be sorry. I'll help you, we'll do it together. Okay? I'm sorry too. It was all so perfect, and it scared me. I was so scared that you'd leave that I nearly drove you to leave myself," he said, staring right into Jesper's eyes so he'd understand.

"Okay. But just so you know, I never would've left," Jesper tells him, looking back just as intensely.

"Okay. That's good," Wylan says, chuckling, suddenly embarrassed.

Jesper tilts his chin back up and gazing into his eyes the whole time, kisses him. Wylan responds ravenously, and well...it all works out. They remind the other that they love them, that they always have and always will. And when they realise what Kaz and Inej tricked them into, Wylan is outraged, and Jesper just laughs and laughs and laughs (Wylan then kisses him, hearing the laughs echo in his heart).

Next chapter (Chapter 7)

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list.

#six of crows #soc #grishaverse #soc hc #crows headcanon #crows hc #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kanej #kanej headcanon #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #wesper #wesper headcanon #nina zenik #matthias helvar #helnik headcanon #helnik #shadow and bone

[edelest]

blue lions recruiting plot fix!

hey fe3h fans! it’s been a while... sorry!

previously on this ongoing series: i made a post trying to give reason to why the students would join black eagles, because some people just couldn’t settle for “they’ll follow byleth anywhere.” someone requested a similar post to this, where i’ll be justifying why some black eagles and golden deer students’ll still be in blue lions post-time skip! my next post will be lions + eagles with golden deer :) please enjoy! and Yes, i DO stan edelgard.

here’s the link to my black eagles recruiting plot fix ~

petra: it took me a while to actually figure out why petra would join blue lions—hence the writer’s block that prolonged this post—but then i remembered the support between shamir and petra, and it hit me: petra doesn’t like the empire. and you might be thinking, petra doesn’t like them empire but trusts edelgard! see, that’s the thing. she TRUSTED edelgard. to be in a foreign land, completely vulnerable, she put her whole trust in edelgard (and others as well) only to find out that edelgard had been plotting to start this war behind her back all this time would crush her. she’d be hit with the memories of her people dying by the hands of the empire’s soldiers, only this time she’d witness the slaughtering commanded by edelgard, who broke her trust. in one of her conversations after war during battle, she says that she used to be a hostage (not sure if hostage, prisoner, or something else) but that it wasn’t the case anymore. she Admits that she was a captive of the empire through that conversation, which all the more supports my theory.

dorothea: dorothea makes me heart break, whenever i recruit her into blue lions/golden deer. dorothea went through a lot growing up, and went through a lot jusy to get into the officer’s academy as well. she puts her (incomplete) trust in her classmates and professor and hopes for a peaceful (with a rich noble in mind). even in her support conversations, she hints that she wouldn’t mind a future with edelgard. but dorothea is scared. scared of bloodshed, battles, and war. she doesn’t outright say it, but in a ton of her support conversations or any conversation you have with her, right before time skip and post time skip, she often finds herself wishing for peaces and she’s often sentimental over past memories. even when she levels up post time skip: "Feels like fighting is all there is." "I'm growing, but at what cost?" "All this power just to survive." dorothea hates the war, and it’s taking a toll on her happiness, of course she’d be afraid to join edelgard, the one who started the war.

ferdinand: ferdinand’s always wanted to one-up edelgard, probably due to either his father or his competitive spirit. so when the war breaks out and ferdinand loses everything because his father is stripped of his rank, ferdinand of course would want nothing more than to defeat edelgard and stop the war, to stop the unnecessary bloodshed caused by his self proclaimed rival. ferdinand would join byleth to save fodlan and at the same time prove his self worth... for years, trying to prove to himself that he IS as stronf as he says and that he’s strong enough to protect people. it’s always him trying to prove his worth; he says it himself when you battle him at the great bridge of myrddin. he says something along the lines of “maybe now edelgard will see my worth.” instead of trying to prove his worth to himself, he tries to prove it to edelgard. which only shows that he still cares for edelgard’s opinion after all these years, just that it changed to wanting recognition and acknowledgement.

linhardt: linhardt is scared of blood, and unnecessary fighting. his own morals are changed through the battles he goes through at garreg mach (i.e. remire village.) linhardt doesn’t want a war, he wants to nap and research about crests, and other things that interest him. he’d follow byleth and dimitri because he at the start knew that byleth would want peace and to stop the bloodshed, and he’d be glad to hear that dimitri was changed and now wants to protect fodlan as well. linhardt may not seem like he cares about much (he really doesn’t,) but he knows when something isn’t right. he knows that these people don’t have to die.

caspar: caspar grew up to protect people, not hurt them. in more instances than one, he gets angry for not being able to join certain missions or gets angry at certain people for simply being evil. he has a heart of gold, and a sense of chivalry that puts him right in with the blue lion class. his sense of righteousness is what pushes him to believe that dimitri can change, and that dimitri will change fodlan. he believes that blue lions is where he belongs, because it’s where people are most like him. hearts of gold, hearts of bravery... all around him. he’s welcome there. and he knows they can stop this reign of massacre.

bernadetta and marianne: i put these two in the same category due to similar reasons, both are shy and tend not to speak up for things and would rather not be involved in a war. imagine them out there, fighting edelgard’s fight when all they want to do is be at peace with life and live life in mundanity. they’re pushed into this world of madness against their own will, and are forced to kill or be killed. bernadetta literally says “Wish I could've at least died at home...not in this big, stupid field...” and all edelgard says is thank you for everything or something like that. bernadetta deserved better than that, she deserved to at least die happy. and marianne deserves a life where she doesn’t need to live in fear of the unknown everyday. let my shy girls live and be happy, for goddess’ sake!

leonie: we all know why leonie would join blue lions. leonie is against this war, she lives to protect those who can’t protect themselves, just like jeralt did. she will fight for what is right, and she’ll fight with those she knows will fight. claude tried to stay neutral for 5 whole years of the war. this is of course madness, as leonie is the type to believe in the ideology of helping those who can’t help themselves if you know you can have the power to assist. leonie would be mad at claude for staying neutral, because being neutral is being nearly as bad as the one causing turmoil. in cases of war, neutrality is ignorance, and leonie will do nothing other than fight for what is right.

lysithea: she would join the cause of faerghus for one crucial thing: her freedom. and you might be thinking, “of course everyone is fighting for their freedom it’s a goddamn war, op!” but here’s the thing, lysithea spent her childhood trapped in house ordelia, her and her siblings being tested on by those who sliter in the dark, her parents being powerless in the situation at hand, causing her to live her life being tortured in a prison-like environment, everyday wondering if this is how her life will be, or if she’ll die like the others. she was trapped, and pre-timeskip we see her do so many activities and try to quickly learn so many things. why? because she wants to catch up on all those years she lost in house ordelia. that’s why i sympathize with her when claude teases her for being young even if it’s only done in a humorous manner, lysithea has been through so much that she at least deserves respect (and yes, i know claude was unaware of it pre-timeskip, let me be emo.) when lysithea finds out about the war, she’d be struck with fear of being imprisoned by the empire again (at the time she didn’t know that TWSITD weren’t soldiers of the empire.) she’d join the cause of the rebellion, choosing to fight instead of staying neutral. her position (house ordelia) is of course a threat to her as well, they can be easily captured by the empire at any time any time, and she can’t help but flee for her life.

raphael and ignatz: both are sons of merchants, difference is raphael’s parents are dead, which makes raphael the one who has to provide for his sister. they, in my humble opinion, would join faerghus during war for no reason other than to protect their families and business. while i do believe that they want to save fodlan as well, how will they even provide for their family in a failing economy where war tramples over merchants? we know this happens because the merchants at the monastery constantly talk about how business is hard during war. raphael and ignatz need to keep their families alive and fed, not dying because of their pride.

hilda: hilda’s always been ‘the lazy one’, as we all know. but this, too, brought me to a halt. why would hilda join the faerghus rebellion? in the start of azure moon, if you recruit hilda she mentions something along the lines of edelgard is crazy and so is dimitri or something like that. so i kept digging and digging in my brain until i realized that the reason she would join blue lions is because of fear. fear that if she stays neutral in the leicester alliance that her position would cause her to die much easier than if she were to join byleth and dimitri and the rest. neutrality was a problem for the alliance, some wanted to join forces with the empire and some didn’t, which already made her a targer for assassination for the other houses in the alliance (to start conflict/to make a solid point.) and of course, staying in goneril territory would be terrifying too, because there are almyrans who would try to kill those at/near fodlan’s throat to take advantage of the weakness of this part due to the war. hilda is scared, even if she’s completely capable of protecting herself. strength doesn’t always equal bravery, and her whole life she’s gotten free passes to things due to her laziness, and now she has. to protect herself in a kill or be killed place, her instincts would tell her to go where she is safest, in the hands of her classmates from the blue lions, and in the hands of the professor.

lorenz: lorenz is a man of virtue, how ever absurd those virtues may be. depending on route, lorenz is either the cower in fear and succumb to the enemy to survive kind of guy or the fight for what you know is right and fight for those who can’t kind of guy. which leads me to believe that due to claude’s neutrality and wanting to protect the people of the alliance, (especially those in the gluocester region,) he’d join the cause of faerghus to stop the war once and for all.

#black eagles #blue lions #golden deer #byleth #claude von riegen #edelest writes! #edelgard von hresvelg #dimitri alexdre blaiddyd #claude #dimitri #edelgard #hilda #fe3h #fe16 #fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fire emblem 3 houses #three houses #azure moon #verdant wind #crimson flower #silver snow #dimilix #marihilda #lysithea #bernadetta #linhardt #sothis #rhea

[kitkat1003]

Transcendental Meeting

They'd asked to see, to come in his head and meet this weird, convoluted time traveler that was Emmet and also not Emmet. Emmet wasn't exactly thrilled, and neither was Rex, but it wasn't too much to ask. After all, Emmet had had peoppe in his head before, and he can't imagine it would be difficult to have them in his head again.

Lucy headed the ritual this time, and Emmet tried to ignore the tight pull from both his and Rex's metaphorical hearts as he remembered that Vitruvius was so terribly, awfully gone. Instead, he focused on clearing his head, shutting his eyes.

When he, Lucy, Batman, Unikitty, Benny, and Metalbeard appeared inside his own mind, he could tell Lucy was surprised by the change. It is definitely fuller now, a multitude and dark blues and bright oranges filtering through the constantly shifting space, as well as the numbers and their corresponding parts that float around aimlessly.

In the center of it all, a large ship, identical to the one Rex had had before he...no longer had his own body. They can hear the sound of video games and someone shouting, and Emmet smiles with a sort of fond familiarity that has Lucy grinning.

He leads them to the door, hidden behind a plethora of sensors, and opens it, gesturing for them to follow him inside.

Instead of the makings of a spaceship, the interior is large house mixed with an apocalypse survival bunker. There is a gun rack and a homely kitchen, side by side, an odd juxtaposition of Emmet's and Rex's tastes that seems to work.

Rex is sitting in front of the largest tv screen they've ever seen, and Emmet stops them a few feet away from the chair, walking over by himself and tapping Rex on the shoulder.

Rex inclines his head-Emmet is the. only one allowed to sneak up on him like that and not get punched

"What, they finally show up to see the glory that is me?" Immediately, all save for Lucy are taken aback by the voice, bravado and ego and cockiness all turned up to eleven and shoved into a single sound. Lucy just smiles and shakes her head as Emmet nods, and Rex gets up, pausing the game and taking the few steps and one turn to face the people he knows so well, yet not at all.

Their appearance takes his breath away.

He doesn't front when Emmet is with his friends. As is, Rex secludes himself to being seen by GCBC and Lucy only, because he's too good-too nervous-to be seen by anyone else.

Rex's appearance is a shock to the four as well, eyebrows shot to the ceiling. Of all things that would have been thought to be a part of Emmet, Rex is not one of them.

"The heck happened to you?" Batman's gruff, blunt voice cuts through the silence, and Rex twitches, ever so slightly. The mindscape darkens for a moment, and Emmet and Lucy make the same face-the "Oh my God Batman don't say that Why did you say that" face.

"I grew up-yknow, trained some raptors, created a time machine spaceship, got tough, typical easy stuff. You wouldn't get it," His words are barbed wire behind the self aggrandizing, and Emmet's eyes dart back to Batman, pleading with him not to engage.

But the Dark Knight's ego won't be challenged.

"Oh yeah, it's not as if I pioneered that-besides, I doubt any part of Emmet is grown up," Emmet flinches, and Unikitty jabs Batman with her horn. "Hey!" Batman shouts, rubbing the spot where he was hit. Unikitty glares at him.

"I suggest ye back down. Wouldn't want the wee lass to go into a rage on ye, would ye?" Metalbeard speaks up, and Batman crosses his arms and relents.

"Whatever," he mutters.

Rex face is locked in a smile-one that never means anything good. He's either plotting revenge or holding back tears, and at this point Emmet isn't sure what's worse.

"How'd you meet Emmet, Rex? Emmet said you two used to be two separate people?" Benny asks to try and lighten the mood, and Rex crosses his arms.

"Saved his life," he grins, and Emmet rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, and then made me mess up a whole lot," he replies, eyes silently asking the question if he's allowed to tell. Rex shrugs, and Emmet takes that as a concession, summoning some couches for everyone to sit on.

He regales the tale-how he arrived at the wedding, what Rex did to manipulate him, etc. He can see their like of Rex wane as he continues, but Rex just leans back in the armchair he made and grins, arms behind his head.

When Emmet is finished, Unikitty jumps up, glaring at Rex. Her fur is slowly changing from pink to red.

"You ruined everything! Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi could've been killed because of you!" She shouts, and Rex shrugs sort of helplessly.

"Eh, I could've fixed it. It worked out fine, because I'm so great," he pats Emmets shoulder and winks, but no one is amused. Rex just shrugs again.

"You could've gotten us all put in storage!" Benny jumps up with his arms crossed. Lucy and Emmet hold their hands up, mouths opening to placate.

"What were ye thinking!" Metalbeard's cry suts them off, and Rex's hand crushes the can of soda in it.

The crunch makes the room lapse into silence.

"What was I thinking?" And Rex's voice is ice, sending a chill down everyone's spine. "What. Was I thinking?"

The roar shocks everyone, and the crushing stomp that accompanies it shatters the floor of the ship house, chairs dissolving with the shockwave Rex's foot creates. Rex's voice is loud, pained, and all that braggadocio lost as something broken and vulnerable and Emmet in a way that makes Lucy's heart ache.

The four, plus Lucy, all wince as they see the broken man Rex is, the trembling fists, the shadow of a man that used to be Emmet.

How long, they have to wonder. How long did Rex lay under in the dryar system alone, before he snapped? How long did he wait for them, still believing they'd come to save him, before his hope broke?

How must it have felt for his only friends, which he had given his fragile, naive, sweet, innocent, kind heart to, to have abandoned him, snapped his trust in half, and forced him to change?

"So...I decided," Rex finally starts up again, taking in a deep breath.

The final resounding scream has the whole ship dissolving, the dark blue colors in the landscape surrounding them smothering the bright orange as Rex continues to shake and shudder and take in heaving breaths.

Eventually, Eemet steps forward, placing a hand on Rex's shoulder, and when Rex turns to face him Emmet pulls him into a hug.

Rex shakes and grips Emmet like a lifeline, and Emmet nods at the five with something old and sad in his eyes, and suddenly they're back in Emmet and Lucy's home.

Emmet smiles sadly at them, something akin to disappointment in his eyes that burns into their souls when he catches their gaze.

"I'm gonna head to my room to talk to Rex. See ya later, alligator," with that, he turns on his heel and walks away.

Lucy stares at the four dejected master builders and sighs.

The four head home in silence.

----------

In the mind space, the pieces of the home they'd thought of together is already starting to rebuild, and Emmet finds Rex sitting and watching it coalesce.

"Sorry," he says. "I should've told them what jad happened before," he sits down next to Rex, and Rex looks so tired.

"It's okay-I needed to say that anyway, I think. Catharsis or whatever," Rex mutters, and Emmet's heart soars.

"You've been reading the therapy books I make in here!" He exclaims excitedly, and Rex chuckles.

"I got bored, what can I say," he shrugs, though his expression turns more somber. He goes silent, staring off into the distance.

"Rex?" Emmet tries, patting him on the shoulder.

"I don't know why they didn't come back for me," his voice shakes. "I don't-what did I do wrong?"

Emmet hugs Rex tightly, thinking of the empty despair that had clenched around his heart when hope was lost, when he thought he'd be left beneath the dryar system forever. Imagines sitting in that despair for months.

"Nothing. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?" He says, because Rex is him, and has Emmet done anything wrong to deserve that? To warrant that degree of suffering?

He leans his head on Rex's shoulder, and whispers again-you didn't do anything wrong, to Rex and to himself.

Maybe one day at least one of them could believe that was true.

#kitkat1003 #the lego movie 2 spoilers #the lego movie 2 #the lego movie #emmet brickowski #rex dangervest