chronic fatigue weaves its way into everything. people love to tell disabled people they'd love to rest as much as we do, but they fail to understand how tired we are while we rest. we are not relaxed, we are generally pretty miserable, either from pain, irritability, or fatigue- which bleeds into every aspect of your life. being too fatigued to get up off of the couch means that you're too fatigued to get to the cupboard to pull out pans to attempt to start cooking.
the steps hidden within steps that are required to do a lot of tasks related to being a "functioning adult" are daunting, there are often way too many steps necessary to make "Simple" foods or do "simple" chores for disabled people to accomplish these tasks. chronic fatigue often means that even waking up from a nap or night's rest requires time to adjust to and power through
waking up is a process for me. im often no more alert and awake hours after i've woken than I am right after doing so. caffeine does not help fatigue- at least not at safe doses, for me, anyways. many days the act of moving from my bedroom to my living room is too much. taking dishes to the sink can be too exhausting. i have began falling asleep in front of the kitchen counter while standing because i realize the amount of steps required to clean the counters, or do the dishes, or prepare a meal that all of my energy instantly bleeds away
it's okay if you feel this way too. i have been dealing with chronic fatigue my entire life and it cost me my best paying job. i lost my ability to work because of it. it's not just you being "sleepy", you are genuinely too exhausted to function. you do NOT have the energy levels other people do, and that's okay. it's okay to let yourself be tired sometimes and address that instead of trying to pretend you're not tired.
i wish you good luck. you are loved
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gf!ellie with a oral fixation (sweet midnight sex)
you and ellie lay on your bed late at night getting ready to go to sleep. she's watching tv and your strolling through your phone while ellie starts to dose off. she shifts her body to lay her head against your chest. you pay her no mind because this is her little habit.
she fiddles with your tank top and gazes sleepily at the revealed skin of your breast. she tugs at the top of your shirt. "can i?" she mumbles as gazing up at you. you glance down at her seeing her droopy eyes plead with you as she slowly pulls your shirt down.
you nod at her, "but not too hard els. im sleepy." you say turning on your side to face her.
when ellie first told you about her oral fixation you were kinda confused. you knew she enjoyed putting stuff in her mouth but you didn't think it had a name. when she explained that thats why she liked having your nipple in her mouth so much without it being sexual all the time, you understood. so being the amazing girlfriend you are you let her whenever she asks.
she pulls your shirt up over your breast and takes them both in her hands massaging them softly. she kisses around your nipple before taking one in her mouth. she wraps her lips around it but doesn't suck wrapping her arms around your waist, pressing your body closer to hers.
you readjust yourself trying not to think too hard about the warmth of her mouth wrapped around you. it always takes you a minute to adjust to the feeling but it gets frustrating when her tongue flicks over your nipple. you let it go because this is what ellie says she needs.
you start to doze off when you feel ellie start to suck harder, her teeth grazing your nipple as she runs her tongue over it. her grip on you tightens her hand that's on your back trails down your thigh; lifting it over her hips. you glance down at her to see her eyes looking up at you. her fingers trail up her leg, grasping on your ass under your oversized shirt.
"ellie," you mumble brushing her hair out her face, "what are you doing?" ellie lets go of your nipple with a wet pop, "i dont know..." she says honestly. "i-i thought this was supposed to be innocent," you squirm as her hands creeps lower to your covered cunt, stroking your pussy with her middle finger.
"i know, im sorry." she rolls you over laying you on your back. "can i keep going?" she whispers to you softly as she sit in between your legs. you look over at the clock on your nightstand seeing that its 2 in the morning. you nod at her and she trails the kisses down your stomach to your underwear, pulling them down.
"i thought this was supposed to be innocent." ellie mocks your earlier statement as she sees how wet you are. "how was i supposed to keep it innocent with you sucking and rubbing on me, asshole." you say jokingly shoving her shoulder. ellie slips a finger into you kissing your lips again. its slow and sensual as she runs her tongue over your top lip.
your arms wrap around her neck as she fucks against your sweet spot. "mhmm~, more baby." ellie pulls away from your lips to look you in the eye as she adds another finger. you press your forehead against hers, panting out her name. "it feel good mama?" she asks mouth only a breath away from yours. "yess, faster els." you beg her. "ask nicely." ellie smirks bending her head to kiss your neck.
you run your hands through her hair, "please, baby?" you arch your back into her and and she slide her hand over your arch, pulling you flush against her. she does what you asked speeding up her thrust and you let go on her fingers. you come down from your high glancing over at ellie, who settled at your side, giving you a innocent look.
"you feel better?" you tease her. she nods settling next to your exposed chest. "absolutely not." you pull your shirt back down throwing your arm over her and laying on her chest, patting her shoulder. “go to sleep els.”
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small observations for people who are just starting testosterone HRT
If you suffer from chronic fatigue, chronic illness, or mental illness, you may notice that your energy levels dip down very low after first starting T. this is due your body needing extra energy to process the extra hormones, not anything long lasting. after your body adjusts, this fatigue will go away, and you may actually find that you have way, way more energy now
Beards love to be patchy and mustaches love to be invisible or nonexistent at first. if your beard is patchy at first, or if you just can't grow a full mustache, this is also normal. it can take years of testosterone HRT for beards to become full, especially if you had low T to begin with. moisturizing your beard regularly can help reduce this, and also any potential itchiness from being too long. beards will get itchy for many if they get long.
The acne (should) go away after your body adjusts, and you will not be greasy forever. you will find that your natural body odor smells different, though. this lasts as long as you are on T, as far as i'm aware for most people, but it's only noticeable for me when i get very sweaty after a lot of exertion, or illness.
You may find after you adjust that you have generally a bit more stamina or ease with starting up or adjusting to new physical activities after you've adjusted. it may be easier for you to work out now because you don't become fatigued as easy, for example, or you may find it is easier for you to put on muscle density.
The mood swings will calm down in time- they are most severe right after you start T, and then taper down as your body adjusts. it doesn't turn you into a "rage monster". you just go through normal pubescent moodiness. it's manageable, especially if you have good coping skills like physical activity, journaling, or art while stressed.
Libido goes either way, i've noticed. many people see a huge spike in libido at first, sometimes it stays for a long time, other people don't notice any change whatsoever. also, T for most people will not change what gender or type of person you are attracted to, however it can change how you view yourself in relationships and lead you to changing your identity labels, or questioning things. it generally doesn't make people change their identities overnight, though
Periods do stop for the vast majority of transmascs. it can take a long time, but they do stop if your doseage of T is right for you. if yours haven't stopped and you do not have reproductive health issues, you likely just need a higher dose to see this effect.
Breast tissue reduces in density when higher levels of testosterone are in the body, so it is very likely that you will see your breasts become flatter or even "Deflate" a bit. this is entirely normal. my chest has been like this my entire life due to very high T from hyperandrogenism & intersexuality
Balding can definitely happen, but this is generally only if you have a genetic predisposition to it. i have actually not seen many transmascs bald, although for many of us, our hairlines do shift upwards, but it's not noticeable unless you compare how you look now to older pics of yourself, and generally it takes years for your hairline to migrate anyway, which is natural for AMAB people later in life anyway. even if you do bald, you can speak with your prescriber and have access to medications to help with balding. it's not the end of the road and many respond very well to medication.
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Let me set the scene:
It's the Vegas Grand Prix, 2023. Lando has his crash, is high as a bloody kite in the hospital. Lando sees his nurse and I'd convinced he's dead bc 'why else would there be a legit angel?'
This is super short and silly but I absolutely adore this request! Thank you <3
P.S. I also love this and it is possibly one of my favourite photos of him! Boy is high as balls.
The red emergency phone rang, signaling an incoming ambulance, and you answered it with a sigh. "Mercy General Emergency Department," you answered as you clicked your pen and got the handover sheet ready to write down the patient information.
"Male…24…high-speed crash into a wall," you repeated back to dispatch that alerted you to the incoming patient, hating that you’d be spending what was left of your shift dealing with someone’s drunken antics or stupidity that had crashed them into a wall.
"How fast was he going?" you asked, not expecting the answer.
"180."
"Come again? 180mph and he’s still alive?" you repeated, not being able to hide the shock. "Do we need blood? X-Ray? Trauma surgeons and blood on standby? No one has called ahead." You suddenly woke up from the usual lull you felt around this time during your shift, your mind suddenly in full trauma mode.
"No, just precautionary checks. Patient is a Formula One driver and has been cleared by track medics, but they want a second opinion at the hospital and some scans in case."
Then it hit you…you followed F1 and had done for a few years. You’d been following the race on your phone during your breaks and knew Lando had crashed out during turn 14.
"Okay. Thank you, have you got an ETA?"
Dispatch relayed the time of arrival that gave you enough time to announce it over the tannoy and for your team to gather in one of the trauma rooms. You also called in security because you knew the press would be vultures all over this.
With the trauma room ready, you all waited for the arrival of your VIP patient. If you were being truthful, you were a little nervous at meeting one of your celebrity crushes but also knew you needed to keep it professional. What you didn’t expect was the goofy look on Lando’s face as he was wheeled on a stretcher into the room.
As soon as the paramedic crew had handed over and you’d transferred him over to the bed, you began attaching him to monitors and got your list of investigations and tests you’d need to perform from the doctor in charge.
The paramedics had clearly dosed him up with the good meds as he stirred in and out of consciousness, his eyes glassy and the goofy smile still plastered on his face every time his eyes met yours.
You woke him up once again, ready to check his pupils and GCS once more when he was a little more alert than he’d been since he arrived.
"Woah…am I dead?" his voice came out slightly slurred.
"The heart monitor beeping next to you would say otherwise," you laughed in reply.
"Are you sure, because why else would an actual angel be standing in front of me right now?"
You couldn’t help another laugh that escaped your lips as you watched him try to focus on you.
"And that would be the morphine," you fiddled with his IV and checked the fluids running before you input a few more things on his chart.
“I don’t think it is…” he slurred once more, “I know an angel when I see one.”
You were about to reply when you looked up from his chart and saw he’d fallen asleep, his head against his chest. You got up from your seat and adjusted his pillows so his neck wouldn’t be even more painful in the morning.
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DAY 5 — APHRODISIACS
kinktober 2023. — masterlist | ao3
𖧡 — including — tighnari, kazuha
𖧡 — warnings — fem! reader, aphrodisiacs, dry humping, cowgirl, a little sweaty (side effect of the drug) & lots of cum, feral feral feral, both parties are consenting
𖧡 — TIGHNARI
before you can blink, tighnari presses a metal, at a size of a toothpick, with a drop of crystalline liquid against your tongue, the fluid thawing into your flesh before you're closing your mouth, watching how he's planting the exact same dose on the inside of his lips— moreover, in just a matter of time the bizarre solution began to express certain signs on the state of your body and overall mental capacity when you're touching all over each other, lightheaded tearing and feeling each other up, as if detained by a beclouded response.
the wet sounds of your lips crushing on top of his, rounding your tongue inside his mouth in an almost animalistic rush while your nails were desperate to rake over tighnari's scalp, digits brushing over his sensitive ears to pull him close, the kissing turning heavy when he settles one of his hands on your back, squeezing you against his scorching hot, reactive body with his growing erection nestled in between, in dire need to expose of those tight, uncomfortable pants.
it feels like torture was slowly being forced on to the both of your bodies— despite it being tighnari himself assuring you about the strange substance he was researching on, that you will experience a sense of unwavering calmness, hand in hand with a collected perception by an additional seventy percent.
the side effects would barely show themselves, he promised before muttering something under his breath, but now— the obscene sounds of sloppy kissing slowly drilled and conquered your mind, by now being pressed tightly against the bed, your pussy soaked through the flimsy material of your panting and clenching in longing for his cock to finally bore inside.
tighnari humps his aching cock into your clothed pussy, adding and greatly fueling the frustration and helplessness, if neither of you don't turns out mad because of the mixure taking your mind hostage, you would certainly go mad from lust.
whilst, particularly how tighnari was placing his length just the right way on your core— with towering on top, adjusting his hips and grinding in between your folds until all the way up to your clit, he rubs you there too, thrusting fast with no remorse as to how you're being ruined by not only the drug rampaging inside your blood, but him appearing feral alike.
"fuck—" tighnari moans, "i feel.. hot." and almost winces, cupping the side of one of your thighs to pull you close, his disheveled clothes glued on his body due to the excess sweat the drug was producing, his lips shortly after trailing down against your ear to your neck which also had a faint film of perspiration on top, causing the helplessly rocking of his hips pressed against your wet pussy to increase, hitting extremely near to an orgasm without even taking your clothes off.
"baby.. please." you say, "tighnari— i feel so good.." you repeat and say it loud enough that it would suffocate you— and everything feels heavy around your muscles, your drenched clothes webbed on your skin, the humidity of the room burdening a hefty amount that it limits your capability to breathe as tighnari hides in the nook of your neck, your head falling back before he ends up to shifts his entire weight on top of your body.
you're distorted with pleasure, welcoming the blows of his hips rutting into your clothed pussy as your panties messily crumble against your folds— dried up with your arousal and a surplus of sweat you have to tell tighnari about adding on to the possible side effects.
although in spite of that, neither of you cared about that presently, tighnari was more so occupied on crumbling his eyes down to your wet, fluttering hole and your underwear soaked, presenting the outline of a perfect cunt to his hankering gaze.
𖧡 — KAZUHA
kazuha grins widely at you, drunken on a literal winning smile when you swallow down the strange pill he flaunted in front of your very curious, enchanting eyes— to take it, gulp it down and let it work it's so called “magic”, as he tends to say, whereas his hands were there to take you, listlessly going around the plush of your ass while he's aiding you in straddling his lap.
interestingly enough, it has merely been a good ten minutes before your reactive senses sharpened and you perceive everything to a greater degree now— the aphrodisiac expanding in your system, littering around your body to work when you flinch at the uncommon sensation, then whine against kazuha’s lips, melting your tongues in a heated exchange. his traces and rubs on you felt like fire against your hypersensitive flesh, but, archons, how come being on fire suddenly feels so unexpectedly good?
with deft movements, kazuha clumsily unbuttons his pants and tugs them down his legs so they'd hang uselessly around his knees, opening the view to his cock throbbing in between your thighs— he's swollen and his girth looks in pain, and you're taking it in your hand before placing your cunt right on top, small, needy ruts sending shivers down the entirety of your spine.
his mouth finds yours the second your hips roll into his ache, hungrily pressing your core on him yet all you really longed for was for him to sink his cock inside you, right now, please.
neither of you was intending to wait any longer, especially with the pent up frustration growing and being amplified by a ten fold. you quickly push your panties aside, your boyfriend watching you intently whilst drinking in the moans you'd let out against his lips from his cock fusing on your soaked cunt, his mouth attaching around your every curve on your face as you hear him sigh heavily against your ear.
whilst kazuha was left with no choice, thinking that if he wasn't about to slide his cock inside your warm, wet cunt, he would end up exploding from the painful bristling on his groin, together with your hearts racing and synchronizing, chests pressed against one another, his free hand helping you to take him inside as you're sinking down on his inches, swallowing him whole, the movements slow yet powerful enough to have you whine through a clenched jaw, responding to the slow, deep kisses of his swelled tip nudging against your fuzzy patches with gentle ruts of his cock, jointly with his other hand swiping over your hips, your body jolting at the contact of his nails digging into the plush of your ass.
and when it's all said and done, the drug had sent you into a frenzy, the small dose of the aphrodisiac long since devouring you.
by contrast, kazuha was insatiable, the sweet moans from your lips growing a warm, flushed shade on his face as his cock drags against the spongey spot within your walls, hips rolling, pressing inside the flesh fast and your cunt giving his length good squeezes that he's sighing your name in a breathy heave. the stickiness between your legs and across kazuha's lower stomach making your toes curl in both embarrassment and the need to continue.
©2023 anantaru's kinktober do not repost, copy, translate, modify
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