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doctorofmagic · 3 years

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My thoughts on What If... Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The very title of the episode sends a shiver down my spine. And this is where we’re going to start.

~ long post under the cut ~

A year ago, I wrote this post as an attemp to dive into one of the most important traits in Doctor Strange’s personality: love. Stephen is a being made of love, made to love, no matter which interpretation you have when you watch Infinity War. If you don’t read comic books, you’ll understand the moment you meet Donna. You’ll begin to understand how her death reshaped his entire subjectivity out of fear of failing, being powerless and unable to control everything around him (especially death), thus the arrogant and yet a disaster of a man we all know.

Where do I even start? Stephen loved her sister deeply and felt responsible for her death. And then, slowly, he also lost his parents and his brother. He fell in love with Clea but he also pushed her away. He loved Zelma platonically and lied to her, which was enough for them to break their bond. He felt attracted to Kanna but screwed things up, even though they remain friends. He was forced to kill the Ancient One, the only father figure he had ever since his father died. And lastly, the only person who would never leave his side... also left. Yes, even Wong. Stephen has SO much love to give but he’s also afraid because he’s cursed. He truly believes his love in poison. And would you look at that? What If really delivered a story where this is actually true.

What If Doctor Strange Lost His Heart Instead of His Hands?

The level of understanding when it comes to the character is... inconceivable. What could possibly reshape Stephen into following a dark path but love? The very premise of the whole episode. This is so much more than a love letter. This is literally too much, in all senses.

Fine, let’s begin.

What if the best of intentions has very strange consequences?

No. You used the word “strange” for the pun but this is not the word. Nah-ah. I’d go with ATROCIOUS, for starters. Things are gonna escalate so quickly, my friends.

Seriously, tho? Christine is SO SO SO SO beautiful, they’re so cute together. I have this feeling that MCU!Stephen was quite toxic because of his arrogance and this is why they didn’t work out. But WhatIf!Stephen???????? He’s always praising her, teasing her in a healthy way, respecting her and listening to her. HE TRULY LOVES HER, I’M GONNA CRY ALL OVER AGAIN, PLEASE, NOT THE CRÈME BRÛLÉE, PLEASE

I’m going to leave this shot here because we need to go back to it later. Hold that thought.

And bonus points to “Yeah, well, I would call that quite remarkable.” / “Well, I would say the same about you.”

GODS. THE PAIN. STOP THE PAIN.

So in this reality, Stephen didn’t caused the car accident because he was checking his phone while driving. Also it was not the reckless attempt to pass the truck. Well, maybe it was the consequence of this act? The fact is, the car behind them loses control, which makes them crash. Does it matter? We’ll learn later that no, it doesn’t.

And yep... Christine dies. Have you noticed the shattered heart? Ah, the pain only gets better and better.

Again, Stephen blames himself. More than anything, this is so important because Stephen is all about guilt. We still need to meet Donna so we can add yet another layer of guilt. But the feeling exists. This is what corrupts Stephen’s heart and soul in all his iterations. This is what makes him the character I love so much. I love this SO. MUCH. In addition, his stubbornness to accept his condition. Man won’t take a no. This, this is Doctor Strange in character. Stop complaining about NWH Stephen, it’s pathetic.

Okay, “grief-stricken”, Stephen found the Mystic Arts and became a sorcerer. That’s when he learned about the Time Stone, the Eye of Agamotto and Dormammu. Nothing changes, he saves the universe. But time does not heal his deepest wound.

I love Wong so much. Every time Wong does something, the world is healed. Really. We’re going back to him as well but for now I’ll just leave this shot.

BUT STEPHEN, DOING SOMETHING RECKLESS? HE’D NEVAH

Aaaaaaaannnnnnd then he did.

He goes back in time. It’s been two years since he lost Christine. I think he reacted pretty nicely, despite the circumstances. Now let’s go back to that shot I said I was saving for later.

Stephen is so light-hearted here. Also, during the first time he lost Christine, he had no idea what “The Price is Right” was. He knows now, which means he probably tried to learn more about the show because of her, because of grief. HAHAHA MORE PAIN

AND THEN HE

AND THEN SHE DIES AGAIN

AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING BACK IN TIME

AND SHE KEEPS DYING

AND THE MUSIC

AND HIS VOICE

AND HE TRIES TO CHANGE FATE BUT IT CAN’T BE AVERTED

HE EVEN TRIES TO STAY AWAY FROM HER LIFE BUT SHE DIES ALL THE SAME, WHY

AND EVERY TIME THEY CRASH, HE FEELS THE PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN, WHY

I’M-- *ugly sobbing noises*

Apparently, not.

And this scene when he simply... closes his eyes before she dies again...?

This is where this episode had me in endless tears. It got me the four times I watched it. I’m dead serious.

Okay, so, next the Ancient One appears to Stephen, explaining that Christine’s death is an Absolute Point in time. It cannot be changed. Stephen needs the accident to become the Sorcerer Supreme and defeat Dormammu.

And this is where Stephen starts his journey into darkness. “Nothing is impossible, you taught me that. I only require more power.” Disobeying the Ancient One, Stephen then travels in time, seeking the Library of Cagliostro. Now, if you’re not aware of that, Cagliostro was a sorcerer who studied time in comics, and later became Sise-Neg (there’s a recent post on this because of the new Defenders run). It’s funny to think that Sise-Neg also destroyed the world when he became a god, however he grew past his pettiness and remade reality. Stephen did not possess such power, as we’re about to see.

PS: “Stop torturing yourself, Stephen.” Naur but he should use this line like a mantra. Especially comics!Stephen.

Not gonna lie, tho. This place reminds me of the Temple of the Vishanti from T&T (of course I was going to insert T&T somewhere, it’s me).

And of course they’d go for a pun with his name haha. I don’t know how to feel about this, tho. I feel like the episode is too heavy and dark for comedy. But it is what it is.

Okay but why some books are in cages??????????? And wow, it seems Cagliostro also gathered knowledge about several fields of magic.

And then Stephen learns that, in order to break an Absolute Point, he needs to absorb more power. This is when I went “oh-oh, here we go”.

And for real, is this Shuma-Gorath? Why are they keeping his name a secret? Is this the same creature from the first episode with Captain Carter, right? RIGHT? It has to be Shuma-Gorath.

Of course he tries to be polite and ends up all hurt haha. O’Bengh warns him about love but he will not listen. “Love can break more than your heart. It can shatter your mind.”/ “Is she worth the pain?”. Please, this is Stephen. He eats pain for breakfast.

Also, also, let’s take a break. We’re finally going to get monsterf0cker tentacle-lover Stephen Strange. It will cost us everything but here we goooooooooooo (yes, I went frame by frame for your more obscure fanservice needs)

Gods, I love this sequence so much it hurts. Okay, here we go.

Shmebulock???????????

AND HE STOLE THE CAPE??????????? AND DREW THE LINE ON BUGS??????

The grasp this man is holding on me right now...

Some of you will understand. I’m with you.

And here are the grostesque ones. These are hard to take SS but I had to.

Animation, sound effects, OST? CHEF’S KISS TO ALL

And lastly... the tentacles. Yeah, if you’re new... this is a thing.

Fanservice. Fanservice everywhere. (low-key the reason I also waited to write this review, I wanted to enjoy this part so badly but I was too sad for that lmao)

Okay so. O’Bengh is suddenly OLD and DYING, until we realize that Stephen spent CENTURIES absorbing mystic beings. CENTURIES. WTF STEPHEN. He had nothing in mind but the goal to save Christine. And people wonder why he went insane???? I’m sorry, O’Bengh, but I can’t take you serious when you still call Stephen Sorcerer Armani. Oh, and also because you watched him absorb beings for centuries in silence lmao. But I guess I have to because you said that Stephen is split in two since the Ancient One cast a spell on him, splitting the timelines and making them exist in the same reality before he could travel back in time. I know, it’s complex. Anything for the plot.

And now good!Stephen has an evil!twin who wants to absorb him back in order to become whole and break the Absolute Point. Cool.

I said I wanted to talk more about Wong because I think people are not talking about him enough. Wong is so important in this episode. He’s the one who’s trying to heal Stephen after Christine. He’s Stephen’s anchor.

Also, THEY FINALLY USED A SPELL WITH THE NAME OF THE VISHANTI. HOORAAAAY

So, for the sake of our understanding, I’m addressing the characters as evil and good!Stephen. Let’s go. Evil!Stephen summons good!Stephen and gods, he still holds such a strong grasp on me... unbelievable. THE DEEPER VOICE BENEDICT USES???? PLEASE, DIDN’T WE HAVE ENOUGH?

Imagine his strength to hold so many beings inside him, fighting to control him. BRO, THIS IS TOO TOO MUCH

Fine, I’ll not post SS about the fight because I’d be here all night long but I WILL say this: NOT CLOAKIE!!!!! NAAAAAAAAAAUR

Also if you ask me if I recognize any of the spells? Maaaaybe the Flames of Faltine, the not-so-crimson Bands of Cyttorak and a little trick Magik does with her portals. That’s how far I go.

I’ll not comment on the “seducing yourself to stay in the trap”. I will not. I’ll just say that the first person Stephen thought of when “Christine” was talking about the crème brûlée was Wong. That’s it.

And finally evil!Stephen absorbs good!Stephen and releases... UNLIMITED POWER (I love when the stone goes red as if it was bleeding aaaaaaa)

I can fix him...

This scene here? Poetic cinema. (I love his wings so much)

And when Stephen says her name and the other monsters’ voices echo “Christine”, AAAAAACKKKK

AND OF COURSE CHRISTINE WOULD FREAK OUT, BRO. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE BECOME BECAUSE OF YOUR TWISTED LOVE. I’M NOT DOING FINE.

Oh, but it’s too late anyways because Stephen broke reality haha. This scene is interesting because Stephen is the only one who sensed and/or talked to the Watcher until now. I read an interview that the Watcher kinda showed up but it’s also about Stephen’s keen senses. Bit of both, let’s say. Still, man, 616-Watcher is not that cold. 616-Watcher would watch this and say “how about I intervene anyway?”. WhatIf!Watcher is brutal.

The way Christine looks at Stephen one last time also KILLS ME, DESTROYS ME, BREAK ME INTO A MILLION PIECES.

And this is where my soul left my body.

This is how they end the episode. This is how you leave me speechless and with teary eyes. This is how you give me a whole existential crisis.

This... this was brutal to watch. Really.

What can I say after this? I’m used to reading painful things when it comes to Stephen. Aaron’s and Cates’ runs are heartbreaking on so many levels. Hickman’s New Avengers is not easier. Coincidentally, What If? Magik Became Sorcerer Supreme and The End. And now Death of Doctor Strange. And yet, after everything I’ve been through, I’d never expect to watch something so brilliant, so tragic, so heartbreaking and unexpected in the MCU. Never. This is top tier content and this is my favorite character with SO MANY LAYERS and SO MUCH UNDERSTANDING. I can’t put into words how meaningful this whole episode is to me, or how deep it touched my heart and soul.

I’ve been struggling to find the proper words since then, I still can’t. All I can add is, I cried for the 4th time now. This is too, too much, even for Stephen stans. Even for the ones who are used to pain, regardless of which media you’re into: comic books, live actions or animated movies. This is literally more than I can take and yet I’m so, so grateful. The voice acting, gods, how did Benedict manage to create a better Stephen than the one he’s literally playing in real life???????????? HOW

This episode really took the max potential Stephen had to offer as a character, added tons and tons of layers based on his grief, depression, arrogance and need to control everything and created a tragic masterpiece. In 7 years of being a Doctor Strange fan, I've never read or watch something that could go this deep into the character. The closest I can think of is Mr. Misery and the metaphor of Stephen's depression. This is a whole new level of respect and understanding. This is more than a love letter. This is peak maestry. It’s perfect, it’s heartbreaking, it’s... gods, I can’t.

Sorry for dragging you until this far. Before I wrap up this review, I just wanted to remind you all that Stephen will appear again, he will smile again, he will be surrounded by people again. So this is not the end. It was painful but be brave. We still have a few more steps to take.

#what if...?#doctor strange #stephen strange #what if doctor strange lost his heart instead of his hands?#wong #christine palmer #the ancient one #long post #review #he did nothing wrong #so what? he destroyed a whole universe #/j #benedict cumberbatch

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sugarmaplewings-fics · 3 years

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Helping Their S/O Recover From Surgery

Pairing: BNHA Boys x reader

Warnings: Reader is in the hospital (obviously), several mentions of food and eating, medication mention, that should be it

Characters: Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Amajiki

A/N:

Wow, I actually completed a request in a timely fashion 😳

I hope this isn’t too terrible. My dad was disabled, so he had a lot of surgeries (maybe one every year or two). Ergo, I’ve had some experience being in hospitals, if not exactly in the position of the patient ヽ(；▽；)ノ It’s been some time tho, so idk, I might still be missing something.

Anyway, I hope you get well soon, @ure-a-sunflower! Thanks for the request, I’m really flattered that you think of me like this 😊 And never feel shy about sending me a hug! I love hugs :3

Enjoy!

-Sugar

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Midoriya:

● Midoriya is the type of guy who'll sit in the waiting room the entire time you're under

● He's a little worried about you, but he trusts that you'll make it through okay

● Trust me, he has plenty of experience being in hospitals (stop breaking ur bones >:()

● He'll be right at your bedside as soon as he's allowed to, whether you're awake or not

● As soon as you're awake and he's able to, he'll give you a nice hug (gently). He doesn't care if you're still in bed, he just wants to know you're okay

● He'll spend a lot of time with you while you recover, sitting in the chair by your bed

● Please please tell this boy it's okay for him to talk. He'll tell you everything he knows about heroes for hours and whether you care about what he's saying or not, it's totally worth it just to see the big smile on his face

● Either way, he'll talk to you almost the whole time. He's actually really fun to have a conversation with! You can talk to him about anything and he'll listen

● Will also play board games with you to pass the time, or any kind of small game he can find that you can both do on your bedside table

● He'll get you anything else you might want as well :)

● Once you're discharged, he'll stick around and help you out

● Again, if you need anything, he's got you

● Need someone to cook for you? If he can't do it himself, he'll ask his mom for help (pls, she cooks the best meals and she loves you so much)

● Will remind you to take your meds

● He'll take naps with you 🥺 He knows you're probably still tired out, so he's making sure you get plenty of rest

● Helps you with any wound care you might need, whether it's cleaning it or dressing it, he'll help out if you let him

● Just very much a sweet boi, 10/10 boyfriend

____________

Bakugou:

● He is very much concerned about you the whole time, he's just really good at hiding it

● As soon as he's allowed to visit you, he's there

● He'll come in quietly, scowling at the floor

● He has a bag with him that's got a container of food in it. He put a lot of effort into making it just for you, just the way you like, but it's likely he'll brush it off and claim it's leftovers

● Katsuki isn't exactly the best hospital buddy, but he'll try

● The thing is, he's not very talkative. He refuses to leave your room for too long, but he's more the type to just sit in the chair by the window (probably looking at his phone)

● You may think he's not paying you any attention, but he's spending time reading up on what condition you're in and how to make sure you recover properly

● He's there if you need him

●Will yell at the nurse / doctor if they're not taking care of you right

● Makes a comment at least once about how much he hates the smell (it's not you, it's the general hospital smell)

● Tries his best to cook for you as often as he can so you don't have to eat the hospital food there (might even give up trying to brush off how much he does for you)

● Gets you anything you need when you ask. As I said, he's not keen on leaving you in your room by yourself, but he won't say anything if you ask for something

● When it's time for you to go home, he'll just get even more clingy

● But not necessarily affectionate, oh no

● He was there when the doctor gave you guidelines for what to do during your recovery period, and he did his research

● You're not getting out of following it to the letter

● If you're supposed to stay in bed and rest, he'll make sure you're not getting up unless you absolutely have to. Also he'll do any kind of heavy lifting for you, just to be safe (and it’s totally not a bonus chance to lowkey show off how strong he is)

● If you need to incorporate more activity into your day, he'll be at your side. It's like a little date, taking a nice slow walk in the park

● He's also keeping tabs on how much water you're drinking. He always encourages you to drink plenty of water, but now he's even more on top of his game to remind you

● He'll also remind you to take your meds (aggressively but with love) :)

● And he'll drive you to your follow up visits with your doctor

● Bakugou will encourage you the best way he knows. He may come off harsh at times, but he just wants your healing process to go as smoothly as possible. He's not good with feelings and stuff, but this is how he shows you he cares

____________

Todoroki:

● Another sweet boi

● He knows what it's like to visit people in the hospital (ahem, his mom), so it wouldn't be too weird for him (not that it’s all that weird for any of them)

● He'd come and see you every day, and he'll bring you a little something each time, whether it's a snack, some flowers, a game or coloring book he thought you'd like, or even a little stuffed bear (or whatever your favorite animal is)

● His visits can be weirdly short though? Like, he doesn't know what to say, so he kind of just . . . leaves? Like wait come back

● He likes it when he can get you talking. He's not much of a talker himself, so it's easier if you can lead conversations

● But if you want him to, he will just keep you company in silence

● Master at staring off into space for long periods of time

● But every time he looks over at you, he gets this soft smile on his face and he's so cute

● He's trying his best

● He'll also help remind you of things when you're back home

● He's not the best at cooking, so he'll order you anything you want and eat it with you

● I'll state the obligatory "he provides that hot/cold treatment for any pain you might have" because he does and it works

● He'll go out with you to walk around, and just generally get you back into living your life

● Yeah, he's just really glad to see that you're healthy and he’s happy to help you out so your recovery is quick and easy

____________

Amajiki:

● Not gonna lie, he was a little nervous while you were having the surgery

● Not too bad, just some pacing around the waiting room, but he feels so much better once everything's over with

● Big on sitting next to your hospital bed and just holding your hand the whole time he's visiting

● Hates checking in every day (because ew, people, and also ew, walking through strange halls full of people and equipment and the lighting is funky and everything smells like hand sanitizer and—)

● But he does it for you, because you're the most important thing to him 🥺

● Oh, and he also gets really really quiet whenever the nurse comes in to check up on you and just kind of pretends like he doesn't exist for a moment while they do their thing

● He'll do something where he gets himself a boxed lunch or takeout and eat with you in your room at meal times

● Honestly though, he'll be happy when you're finally able to go back home

● He's a very sweet and doting boyfriend, and he'll make sure you're getting everything you need

● He'll do his best to help you readjust after everything, and he'll even stay by your side when you go for follow up appointments :]

● (His anxiety has that loophole where if you're ever anxious about doing something, he's able to take charge and help you out)

● Pls, I love him

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Taglist: @aahilovetheatre @basicalyrandom @hyunmin-1404 @kqtsukii @nabo39 @pyrofanatic @rainy-skys-and-bright-stars @sendhelpimstupid @xoxopam4

#midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #deku x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #tamaki x reader #tamaki amajiki x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #request fulfilled!#sugar hcs #cw hospital #cw surgery

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keilemlucent · 4 years

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lavender latte: vi

(T (for now!))

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || chapter 4 || chapter 5 || chapter 7 ||

masterlist

word count: 6.8k

finally. god.

warnings: none really! reader’s foot booted, but that’s about it.

---

well. here we are. thank u to everyone for reading this sweet, sweet story. we’re not through it yet, but i’m happy to offer a meal with this chapter. enjoy lovies. beta’ed by the lovely love @keiqos.

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You had several problems after returning to your apartment from the hospital. One of your coworkers was nice enough to drive you and your things back, but quickly the niceties stopped and your vague hell began.

Exclusively being on crutches sucked. Navigating your apartment and trying to live somewhat normally was a massive pain. Even just showering was a task that sapped most of your energy. Standing one-legged and balancing made your body ache with a deep soreness, especially the first few days you returned.

This was not even to mention the unpleasant dreams you were having.

‘Unpleasant’ & ‘dreams’ were a nice way of putting it.

You could recall that during your first night in the hospital, one of your doctors told you of the possibility of experiencing a few post-traumatic symptoms. Considering how out of it you were at the time, it was unsurprising how you brushed it off.

The reality was much harder to ignore.

...

Cars revving.

Shouting.

Shattering—

Your eyes flashed open, chest heaving and brow covered in a fine sheen of sweat.

Fuck that.

It was the same dream, an obvious recreation of the stimuli of the event. Though it was scattered in your memory, the dreams made it horribly vivid and vibrant despite lacking detail. The sounds and smells of that day clung to you as you shook your head, forcing yourself into wakefulness.

Your comforter was thrown from your body, and you shivered as cold air rushed over you. As jarred as you were, you still swung your legs off the bed, readjusting your boot and your aching leg, half-heartedly glaring at your crutches.

Your apartment wasn’t terribly set up to get around with your limited mobility, but your difficulty functioning didn’t help your overall mental state. Everything was just harder with the boot on, and you did your best to work with it.

Being locked up in your apartment added to the hellishness of it. You were so used to the stimuli and social environment of the teashop, it felt like a cold water shock when you were confined to your home entirely alone except for your cats.

You could, of course, try and venture out into the world. But, it was still winter and the ice-covered sidewalks didn’t seem like the best place to try and crutch around.

Within the first day or two, you resigned yourself to your three-week fate of being holed up.

You had a laundry list of things you could do. Shows and movies to watch, places in your house to clean, your cats to pet, but—

You still had far too much time on your hands.

A lot of your newfound time in the first few days was spent on your back, leg propped up, and draped in ice bags, musing over Hawks.

Hawks.

Holy fuck.

You couldn’t avoid it, couldn’t stop it. Just thinking about him made every part of you swirl and thrum like you were listening to some sort of contently-chorded song and you were more than happy to play it on repeat until your ears bled. Maybe that feeling towards Hawks had always been there (it had), but now you accepted it and stopped holding yourself back as much.

You never thought the idea of someone squeezing your shoulder would send you into literal fits of giggles and butterflies, but boy, did it. Not to mention all of the careful touches and gentle words you two had shared in the aftermath of the attack, though the memories were hazy. What you did remember and cherish was the warmth of him, quirk activated or not. Each time you recalled it, your gut fluttered and your hands twitched.

Your ceiling was the most interesting place to look in your apartment. The plain texture was the perfect canvas to allow your memories of the sweet interactions the two of you had shared to play like comforting reruns. The commercial breaks of these daydreams were the texts exchanged between you and Hawks.

Keigo couldn’t stop thinking about you either.

It wasn’t as distracting as it once was, as he had been more liberal with letting himself text you. The high number of messages between the two of you was maybe ridiculous, but he was a fast texter and you seemed to have plenty of jokes and banter for him to share in.

As good as the texting was, it was also nice to check-in on you and your recovery. You seemed more annoyed than anything else, but Keigo wasn’t so much of an idiot as to think you weren’t in any pain or struggling at all. Though you didn’t explicitly tell him or show him, he was familiar with the pains of healing and could infer some things about your state.

Keigo tried to brighten your day as he could. ‘Hawks’ still had plenty of hero work to do, especially with the information extracted from the recently detained syndicate members. Despite this, he took as much time as he could to stop and send you little snippets and messages which hopefully would help you smile a little.

It did, of course. Just talking to Hawks did.

You had moments of awareness a few times a day where you had to remind yourself that, yes, (Y/N), you were just casual friends and deeply enamored with the number two hero and that sentiment was at least partially returned.

You had a lot of time to wonder to what extent the feelings were returned. They obviously weren’t entirely one-sided, right?

It was completely possible that they were, but you did your best to shake off the thought.

It was more likely that notorious bachelor and flirt, pro hero Hawks, just wanted a fuck with some feelings. To fuck with some feelings, right?

Though, he did say that he cares about you.

But, you definitely can care about someone you only want to fuck.

You wished you had some sort of definitive answer. The murkiness of it all just made the sweetness of the past and the texts of the present seem a bit sour.

Confessing to Hawks was daunting and terrifying. Not to mention, it felt a bit juvenile, all of it. People weren’t supposed to get melty crushes like this past high school, right? Especially not ones this deep on someone who couldn’t possibly feel the same as you, right?

During one of these moments of uncomfortable clarity, your phone beeped as you rested on the couch. Despite not even seeing the message, you knew it would be Hawks.

You grabbed your phone, clicking open the newest message.

[birdboy]: hey hey angel

[birdboy]: look at this fucker i found

The image attached was a photo of Hawks standing next to one of his own billboards, advertising some sort of sports drink. The photo had obviously been taken with a timer, the angle of the photo tilted as Hawks and the billboard were quite small in the frame. It added to the charm of the photo, the way Hawks was holding a feather blade to the throat of his own advert. You could even tell through the pixels he was wearing a wide smile as he did so, wings spread behind him

You snorted.

You and Hawks are just friends, you reminded yourself.

[you]: looks like a punk bitch 2 me dude

[you]: kinda uncanny resemblance tho

[birdboy]: i agree

[birdboy]: he’s hot tho

You rolled your eyes, still smiling as you readjusted on the couch. You weren’t disagreeing, not at all.

[you]: not wrong

[you]: still, punk bitch

[birdboy]: :^(

[birdboy]: feelings = hurt

[birdboy]: please tell me the photo is funny

[birdboy]: it took like five tries

[you]: very funny, im gonna save it and sell when im short on cash

[birdboy]: my publicist will blacklist u

[you]: i’d like to see them try

[birdboy]: is that a challenge angel????

[you]: a promise

There was a break in the messages, though Hawks appeared to be typing.

[birdboy]: unrelated but

[birdboy]: how are you doing?

You paused, taking stock of your disheveled, sleepy self. You were only a few days out of the hospital and you definitely could’ve been worse off.

[you]: im okay!!!

[you]: sore and tired honestly

[birdboy]: :^(

[birdboy]: i'm glad to hear its not worse at least

[birdboy]: ill send u lots more embarrassing photos

[birdboy]: a million angel

[you]: my hero <3

It all was surreal and mentally impossible to avoid.

You really, really liked Hawks and had for a long while.

...

Keigo spent most of the rest of the day busy with patrols and work for the Commission, much to his chagrin. He hardly got a chance to text you. It reminded him of his reality as a pro, his fast-paced nature and how he truly couldn’t slow down, not at that point anyway. He had a brand and habitual way of being that was standard. Even for you, he wasn’t sure if he could slow down, even if he wanted to or needed to.

The idea scared him, pieces of his reality.

But, at the same time, Keigo hadn’t ever felt like this before. The weird, but incredibly alluring and comfortable heat in his chest made him feel like he’d do anything for you. Fuck, he’d fly to the stars and move them if he could, if that’s what it took.

Maybe he even wanted to.

Keigo couldn’t become a different person, for anyone, that’s not how things worked. But if getting closer to you meant... adjusting, he could do that. Easily. He was adaptable as all hell and he’d be glad to use it for something that made him feel good instead of hollow.

Keigo busily flew the day away. As the afternoon turned to night, the sky going pink and purple with dusk, he settled on top of a taller office building. It looked down on a street market, its smells and sounds wafting up to him on his perch.

It gave him an idea.

A good one.

You were inspecting your fridge with a grimace. Balancing on your crutches and being counter-weighed by the boot on your foot made your angry stance a whole lot less intimidating, but it was the sentiment that counted.

Several days post-hospital had done a number on your food supply. The fridge was empty except for a few nearly expired items and condiments. The dry shelves weren’t looking much better.

The shrill sound of your ringtone from the couch made your jump, nearly falling. You teetered back over to it, eye-widening at the caller ID.

[birdboy] calling...

Hawks had never called you before.

You quickly picked up the call, “...Hello?”

“Hey, angel!” Hawks was chipper on the other line. “What’re you up to?”

“Currently?” You hummed, turning forlornly to your kitchen. “Thinking about how I either need to order groceries or order dinner before committing to my couch for the rest of the night. Why? You don’t usually call.”

“I don’t,” Hawks’s smile was apparent in his voice, even through the receiver. “But, I had an idea.”

“Shoot.”

“I might just be near a super good takeout spot. How hard would it be for me to convince you to let me drop some food by your place? My treat.”

You didn’t reply for a second.

Stunned.

“Are you sure?”

“More than, dove. I’m off the rest of the night, anyways.”

Oh.

That gave you an idea—

An idea that would surely push the envelope of your feelings.

Let it.

“Okay, I’m in. One condition.” You bit your lip, willing your stomach to seize fluttering.

“You name it. This place is really good and—”

“I have been going a little stir crazy, and,” You cut him off, squeezing your eyes shut in anticipation, “how hard would it be to convince you to come over and stay awhile?”

Hawks was silent.

Your stomach dropped.

“Wait, I-I mean—” You stuttered, trying to gather yourself, but this time Hawks cut you off.

“Like, to hang out?” Hawks sounded shocked on the other line.

“Yes.”

You kept your breathing even and prayed it didn’t read over the call.

“God, dove. I’d love to. I can be over in like ten—”

“Wait,” You fisted the fabric of your sweats. “Can I have a little more time? For myself and my apartment.”

Hawks chuckled on the other end of the line, “Sure, angel. Thirty sound better?”

You let out a sigh of relief, falling on to the back of your couch, “Sounds perfect.”

Keigo decided to tease a bit, his heart pounding in his chest almost painfully. He knew from day one that you were bold, but this was a treat. He had to spare back, just a little.

“Though, dove, I’m sure you look more than perfect yourself. You always do.” He didn’t wait for your response, either out of fear of what you’d say or being a bit smug, he wasn’t sure.

Keigo hung up the call, burying his face in his gloves to try and stifle the blush on his cheeks, though it hardly helped.

It didn’t have to.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Thirty minutes later and you were mostly sorted.

You managed to throw yourself into the shower, tossing on something half-way decent, but still comfortable. Had to keep it casual.

Crutching around your apartment, you picked up what clutter you could, mind spinning. Hawks coming over to your fucking apartment filled you with elated, and yet terrifying, anxiety. A few times while cleaning, you legitimately paused to muffle quiet screams in your hand at the prospect.

You felt like you were going to burst.

Keigo did too, notably.

He took the time to fly all the way back to his apartment, take the world’s fastest shower, and throw on some clothes other than his costume. Going back to get food, his hands shook as he handed the bills to the starry-eyed vendor who he’d just written an autograph for.

You’d sent a quick text just before he’d left with a description of your balcony, so neither of you would have to figure out how to let him in through the roof.

As he flew to your place, Keigo felt like he was going to implode.

He didn’t ‘hang out’ with people. Nope, far too busy for anything like that. He was a compulsory workaholic, it was part of his mental brand of being (or, mental ‘branding’, maybe). The closest he got to casual time with folks was the preamble before a hookup or the time he had spent at the tea shop with you. Actually going to spend time with someone, casually, and it was you? It was all new and terrifying.

But, above all? Exciting.

The whole situation opened many doors, all of which Keigo pictured and picked apart as he neared your apartment. There were so many potential situations to appraise and plan for, he felt overwhelmed by it all.

The opportunity to spend some... time with you outside of the tea shop was a necessity, right? Keigo’s original idea had been to drop off some food and banter for a while, but the idea of spending one of his precious nights off with you was so much better than he could’ve expected.

Not to mention the warm bit of validation sparked by the fact that you asked him to come over, you wanted him around —

It felt nice.

So nice.

You paused, hearing telltale scuffing of someone on your balcony.

Oh my god.

He’s here.

Hawks is here.

You gulped, shaking your head.

Don’t you dare chicken out now. Commit, dammit. You’re just... hanging out. With your friend.

Yeah.

A knock on the glass pulled you to the door of your balcony, hobbling to slide it open on your crutches.

Hawks was happy to push the door the rest of the way open, stepping inside with a bag of takeout slung on his arm.

Your mouth parched, seeing him once again in civilian clothing. Was it... normal to get turned on by the fact that he looked normal?

As Hawks stepped into your humble apartment, wings tucked tightly to his back, you drank him in, hair ruffled with his clear visor placed on top of his head to push back the windswept front pieces. He wore a white sweater and black trousers complete with heavy black boots that were quickly untied and left by the door.

“You’re staring, you know,” Hawks interrupted your thoughts as you straightened up on your crutches.

Recover.

“Can’t prove that,” You tutted, crutching away from the door. “Also, welcome. Watch out for my cats, they might try to get a mouthful of your feathers.”

“Duly noted,” Hawks clicked his tongue, standing up and following you as you meander to the kitchen.

Keigo had to admit that your apartment was relatively... cute. He was used to his own, seldom-used digs. He had a big, uncomfortably nice penthouse with too many disused rooms and too much open space. Fixtures and furniture that were too expensive, probably, but it had been far easier to hire some big-name interior designer and not bother with dealing with it himself. Keigo had trouble keeping many ‘personal’ possessions, anyways. His training with the Commission made him almost revile the thought of keeping unnecessary, material objects, sans a few.

Your home was the exact opposite.

Maybe it was that he didn’t know how to have a personal touch that it made your cozy little apartment feel so full of them.

Little photos and artworks on walls or in frames caught Keigo’s eyes as he followed you to the kitchen. He took note of several blankets on the couch, catching sight of the plushie he’d given you at the hospital. Even the lighting of the apartment was personal, diffuse. With how easily overstimulated you became, it made sense that you’d keep your apartment so ambiently dim.

“So, first off, thank you for coming by and delivering dinner. I am eternally grateful,” You bowed dramatically, leaning to flail out a crutch at the motion. “Second, as payment, I’ll make you a drink. Maybe not with my quirk, but I have some of my old tea blends here.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Keigo shrugged, setting the takeout down on the counter while his ever-present grin nearly hurt his face from how relentless it was. “And tea? Show me what you’ve got. Or, should I trust you to pick one out for me?”

You hummed, clicking your tongue before moving across the kitchen to a different set of cabinets, “I think I’ve actually got a good one for you. It’s one of my favorites.”

“Lay on the details, angel,” Keigo hummed, leaning against the lip of the counter.

You did have the perfect blend in mind. It wasn’t too old, hardly stale. It would pair as well as a nice tea could with fried takeout, judging by the smells wafting from the bag on the counter.

“It’s one I made for a brunch we catered a few months back. It’s just a white tea raspberry blend, but it’s not delicate. It should stand up to any sort of food you’ve brought. Thank you, by the way.”

Setting your crutches down, you started to push yourself up onto the counter without thinking much of it, booted-foot going limp off the edge.

“Of course, anytime— woah, angel,” His voice choked as you wavered on the edge of the counter, off-balance.

There was a short flap of wings and rush of air as you tried to rebalance, cursing the deadweight of your leg.

If Hawks hadn’t been directly behind you, you probably would’ve eaten shit.

You turned yourself as far as you could, cheeks going hot.

Hawks’ face was just inches away from yours. That was even to mention the hands hovering around your waist, chest brushing up against your back.

“S-sorry,” Did he just fucking stutter? “You looked like you were about to eat shit there.”

The words hardly reach you, you were too busy actively telling yourself not to stare at his pretty, plump lips because that is not something friends do. Not the can of worms you needed to open, right?

“I-,” You turned away from him, stretching up to the tea tin that had been out of your reach. “To think you’ve saved me from falling while reaching for loose leaf tea, twice.”

“All in a day's work,” His hands twitched around your sides but hardly shifted until you began to descend from the countertop. In fact, Hawks hardly moved away at all until you were situated back on your crutches.

You pretended not to notice the flush on his cheeks.

Maybe, it was a bit too close. Definitely too close, and bad circumstances, but god, you wanted more and more of him.

You swallowed your desires down, cracking a smile.

Be normal.

Be cool!

You shook the tin, leaves and dried fruit rattling inside, “So, cream or sugar?”

||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The two of you ended up on the couch, picking through the several boxes of takeout that Hawks had brought. Most of dinner was spent bantering back and forth about one of Hawks’ newest modeling contracts and if it was ‘ethical’ for him to wear his own feathers for the sake of ‘fashion’?

“So, off-topic from insulting my employment ethics, ” Hawks spoke while munching on a piece of chicken. “You surviving?”

“Barely,” You laughed, setting down your utensils with a huff. “I forget how isolation makes you go a little crazy. I’m running out of dumb shit to watch and even dumber shit to send you.”

Hawks snorted, setting down his own box, having had his fill, “I know you are more than adept at combing the internet for more good shit to send me.”

“I mean, maybe, but you keep sending me juicy photos of you being a dumbass. They’re hard to show up, you know?” You side-eyed him at the birdish tilt of his head.

“You don’t need to show me up, angel,” Hawks reminded you, some feathers packing up what was left of the food. “Though, it’s fun. You’re fun.”

You internally winced at the sentiment but forced the smile on your face not to waver.

It was a needed reminder.

This close to Hawks, you could fucking smell him. Maybe it was a little creepy, but you remembered it so well, after the villain attack. The scent of some sort of spicy cologne and old sweat, but it was hardly unpleasant. No, it was intoxicating. It made you feel almost fuzzy, as it wafted around like some reminder that Hawks and you were so close.

You thanked the stars that the apartment lacked the stimuli to make your quirk activate on its own.

Your couch wasn’t very large, and it seemed even smaller with how Hawks had laid his wings over it. They were propped up over the back, outstretched just the smallest bit to relieve some pressure. All the same, the massive feathers made you feel minuscule.

Even the way he was sitting was intoxicating and a bit gut-wrenching. It was casual, the way he leaned back against the far cushions, legs somewhat spread with an ankle over the opposite knee. The pose oozed a weird, untouchable confidence that you hadn’t seen in Hawks in months, maybe ever. At least, not directed at you.

Despite the warm nature of his words, he seemed guarded.

It made your throat dry.

Keigo was quite on edge. He hadn’t meant to get so close in the kitchen, really, he hadn’t. But, seeing you dangling off the edge of the counter like that, even if it was harmless and mundane, made his entire body and mind react before he could think.

But, you weren’t in any danger. Even if you had been, Keigo would’ve been there to catch you.

He’d put himself out of it, overthinking the whole thing. You were fine. Safe.

The other part of his mind spun with how he wanted to be so much closer.

Feeling the warmth of your body, the lines of your waist, the thrum of your heart and breath so fucking close—

It was a lot.

But, he was well-trained and not going to choke.

He’d shoved himself to the opposite side of the couch to you, keeping his boundaries up, strong as steel and hard as carbon.

Of course, Keigo knew the feelings were mutual. That didn’t mean that none of this was terrifying in the same way that it was exhilarating.

As much as he wanted to be closer (so much closer), Keigo remained careful. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was ruin something before it had even truly happened.

You sat back against the couch, repositioning your injured leg on the coffee table, “So, thoughts.”

“On?”

You didn’t look at Keigo as you replied, rather glared at your TV, “What to watch?”

“Oh,” You could hear the smile in his voice. “We’re watching something?”

“You tell me. I imagine you don’t get lots of time to do this sort of thing, do you?”

Hawks didn’t reply for a moment, sitting deeper into the couch, “Not really.”

“Then indulge, tailfeathers,” You tossed the remote in his lap. “Anything, go for it. Go nuts.”

Hawks nearly put on watching a reality cooking show, before you said that that was off-limits, per an odd conversation from way back when where he had admitted to be hot for Gordon Ramsey. He had been a little too vague as to whether or not he would pop a boner from Gordon’s filmed degradations. And truthfully, if anything was gonna give Hawks a hard-on tonight, you were determined for it not to be competitive cooking TV. Maybe, just maybe, you’d rather it be you.

...

Eventually, he settled on some psychological thriller you’d never heard of.

Keigo hadn’t either.

He was glad that you couldn’t hear his heart in the same way he heard your’s pounding.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched you crutch around, turning the already dim lights lower.

Calm the down, Hawks.

Calm the fuck down.

He’d never even done this before. Keigo wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, even if it was as simple as watching a film.

It would’ve been simpler if the tension in the air was thick and foggy, clouding over his consciousness as he tried to focus on anything other than your nearness and how much he wanted to drag you into his lap.

…

His feathers fluttered as you plopped back onto the couch, pulling a blanket over your lap and offering one to him.

He took it, settling it over his lap as the movie went on.

You weren’t an idiot. You could feel the blood rushing in your hot ears as you fisted the blanket over your legs.

Your mind spoke a lot louder than you wanted it to:

Just fucking do it.

Do what exactly?

The paramount thought that was causing anxiety to twirl in your gut.

Maybe, you could just tell him how you felt.

Maybe just hold his hand.

Maybe get fucking rejected because he’s out of your league and out of bounds.

Maybe even kiss him—

You were torturing yourself, the movie just background noise to your internal dilemma.

You’d asked him to your apartment and Hawks had bought you fucking dinner. That wasn’t a lot, sure, maybe, but there were also the months of lead-up.

There were all of the cold mornings and cheeky grins you gave each other in the waking coffee shop. There were the fuzzy jokes, the lingering glances, and the tight feeling you got in your chest whenever he graced you with mere eye contact.

It felt like you were already in too deep to not be honest about how you felt towards him. Fuck, you’d been in too deep for months. Every time you made him a damn drink, you wanted to just drink him in. You were all fluttering hearts and sweet smiles for him in a way that you couldn’t suppress, only squash in moments of such intense anxiety like this—

“Hey, dove?” It was Hawks, shocking you from your turmoil with a soft voice. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, I’m good.” Your reply was curt and clipped.

Make a decision now.

Pull the bandage off, (Y/N).

It’ll just be worse, the longer you wait.

Maybe Hawks did just want to fuck with some cute feelings, the seemingly longing looks be damned. Yeah, you liked him way more than for just a fuck, that was obvious and unavoidable. Besides, it’d be better to know than to not know, right?

“You sure? If the movie’s too much, we can turn it off,” Hawks sounded genuinely concerned from the other side of the couch.

...

You committed, taking a deep breath and turning to Hawks.

“It’s not that,” You looked at the couch between the two of you, tracing the seam of the cushion. “The movie’s fine.”

“Then, you’re not feeling great for another reason?” Keigo asked, feeling each of your breaths and heartbeats like bass drums in his ears. He hides the shaking of his hands by crossing them over his chest. “You can talk to me, (Y/N).”

“Can I?” You asked, shaking your head and laughing at yourself. “Hawks, I need to do something really fucking stupid.”

Holy fuck.

Are they—

“What’s that?”

His voice was smaller than he wanted it to be.

“Fuck, Hawks,” You finally forced yourself to look at him, taking in his guarded posture and pained expression.

Your heart sank.

“I just need to be honest with you.”

Hawks’s brow soured, lips twitching, “Go for it, dove.”

You laughed, maybe trying to soothe yourself, “It’s probably is just, so fucking stupid, all things considered.”

You ran a hand through your hair, biting your lip between sentences and willing yourself to just get it out—

“Hawks, I like you. A lot.”

He still didn’t say anything and you could feel shards of your heart drive into your lungs.

You forced yourself to look up at him, smiling with the slight release of tension in your sternum, however painful.

“I know, we’re just friends, right? I’m just the barista and you’re my special, pro hero regular. I know I’m overstepping right now, but it feels unfair for me to not be honest with you.”

Keigo already knew this, right? He knew how you felt, fuck, he’d felt how you felt. He just wasn’t prepared for the exploding and thrumming in his chest when you told him with your sweet lips and kind words.

Why did it feel so different when you were smiling at him like you were in pain and telling him so fucking honestly with your words?

It was the thing about you that he admired the most, that candor in your tone and the grin in your cheeks as you spoke so.

But, your smile was falling, leaving watery-looking eyes.

“Hawks, I like you. Way too much for friends, and I needed to say something.”

Keigo’s mouth was dry.

For the first time in so fucking long, he was genuinely speechless.

He couldn’t recall a time in his life anyone had spoken so earnestly to him, just you. Just you, you, you— casually, over and over again, you talked to him like he was something real and something to be cared for. It was subtle, but it was one of the many things that made him want you closer.

Yet, despite all his bundled up desires, he was lost for words.

“I’m sorry—”

He stopped you, “(Y/N), please don’t apologize.”

“But—”

“(Y/N).”

Hawks’ voice was sharp. It made the expression on your face rapidly fall.

He looked at you with rapt attention, arms uncrossing from his chest.

He turned to you on the couch, feathers fluffed up and twitching.

Your nose stung as Hawks, all pretty golds and ambers, shook out an exhale and balled up the blanket in his lap.

“Hawks—”

“Why would you need to be sorry?”

Hawks looked at you with wide eyes, brow creased. His shoulders were... shaking?

Your head spun, leg aching, “... What do you mean?”

Hawks finally met your gaze, giving you the sweetest, saddest smile you’d ever seen, “Dove, you’re acting like there’s no way I could feel the same way.”

Every cell in your body stuttered.

“You’ve done it since we’ve met.”

Hawks scooted closer on the cushions of the couch.

“You’ve always acted like there’s just no way I could like you, give a shit about you—”

He moved a bit closer.

You couldn’t make yourself move.

“You want to know the truth?”

You creaked out a nod.

Keigo couldn’t help the way he went to cup your cheeks in his hands, thumbs rubbing along the apples of your cheeks. You lean into his touch, just like at the hospital, despite the blend of absolute fear and confusion in your expression.

“How could I not care about you, dove?” And it finally came out. “I care about so much— dove, I don’t know what to fucking say.”

That made you speechless, lips parting just the slightest bit as Hawks continued, losing composure with his morphing expressions.

He wet his lips, swallowing, “Dove, I’ve never—any of this. I-I don’t know what o-or how to say any of what I want to right now.”

You speak before thinking.

“Show me, if you don’t know how to say it.”

The idea seemed so novel as Keigo ran a thumb over your bottom lip, pulling it from between your teeth. He met your gaze with the gooiest, sweetest look you’d ever seen in your life, “You want me to?”

“Please.”

It was all the two of you had wanted for a while now, right?

“If I kiss you, I’m not ever gonna be able to make this go away, am I?” Keigo was speaking to himself, just above his breath. But, you were more than close enough to hear him.

“Hey, Hawks? I don’t know if we can make ‘this’ try to go away.” You grabbed one of the hands cupping your face, pulling it away, only to shakily press in your lips to the bones on the back of it. “I don’t want to anymore.”

“Y-you gotta stop being so sweet, (Y/N)—”

Neither of you could wait a moment longer.

Your arms wrapped around Keigo’s shoulder. In the same motions, he pulled you closer by your waist, dragging you finally closer to him.

He held your jaw like you were the most precious thing in the world. Because, truthfully, you were to him. The sentiment was shared Deeply.

Your lips pressed together and the long-held tensions in your chests mutually shattered, dissolving in the honeyed touch of each other’s genuine attention.

You angled your head perfectly, Keigo’s hand guiding you as his mouth worked against yours. It wasn’t a particularly steamy sort of affair, but by god, it wasn’t in any way chaste. Not with the tight grip and thumbing on your ribs. Not with the way your hands tangled in the soft (holy fuck, soft) hair at the base of Keigo’s skull.

You both tasted each other's sweetness, craving more of it after denying yourselves of it for so long. It was white-hot, exploding behind your eyes, even as your quirk remained dormant. Keigo was honey and cream and smoked spices all dancing across your palette.

To Keigo? You were sweet, cool water over a hot burn. You were the heat of a hearth rolling over him on the coldest of days. He swears that in the first moments he finally got to be close to you, and over and over again— he finally understood how your quirk worked.

There was no way that finally feeling you, feeling you as he felt you, could be described with just five senses.

You pulled away first, gasping for breath and arching your back into him. You lingered as close as you could, pressing your forehead to Keigo’s while your breaths mingled. You didn’t dare stray far.

“Was that enough to show you?” Keigo asked, breathless. He kept a wide hand against your back, urging you with a bit of soft pressure to put your weight into it. You complied, settling in his hold as Keigo stroked at your hot cheeks.

You nodded, beaming up at him with that sunny smile of yours. It never failed to make heat burn through Keigo and god, did it feel good to finally let it unabashed.

“I take it, you like me too, huh,” You smiled, looking a bit embarrassed.

“Very much, very much,” Keigo repeated, pressing a kiss to your nose (he’d always wanted to do that). “So much, (Y/N). I apologize for not saying anything sooner. This is just...”

“New to you, right?” You finished his sentence, thumbing along the back of his neck in a way that made Keigo just melt. “It’s been a while for me too, if it makes you feel better.”

“It does, dove. Thank you.” Keigo let out a deep breath, shaking his head against yours. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”

“It’s alright, same goes for me,” As much as you needed to adjust due to the angle of your recovering leg, you couldn’t make yourself do it. You were so wonderfully close to Hawks, you never wanted to move.

“If we’re being honest, then I need to be honest with you,” Hawks met your eyes, his expression going a little dimmer.

You braced for the worst.

He picked up your shift easily, finally able to express how quickly he caught your mood after so long of being attuned to it.

“Oh wait, no, (Y/N), nothing terrible, I promise,” Hawks rubbed at your sides. “It’s about the miel.”

“The... miel?” You cocked your head to the side, confused, recalling the drink somewhat hazily. “The drink I made you on the day of... the attack?”

Hawks gave you a tense smile, “That one, yeah. Remember how you said it was just based on your ambient feelings?”

“Uh-huh.” You let confusion lace your tone until it slowly started to dawn on you.

“You made the drink, ambiently, around me—”

Your eyes widened, mouth falling open, “Oh my god, Hawks, did my feelings for you get in the drink?”

Hawks graced you with a sweet, sympathetic smile, fingers tucking at the hair around your ear, “They did, dove. I’ve kind of known for a few days, it just hasn’t been the time or setting to say something. I apologize.”

“N-no, it’s okay, I totally understand,” You sighed into his grip. “I really thought it might be something worse.”

“Consider your worries assuaged,” Hawks hummed, eyes drifting to your boot. He deadpanned suddenly. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad does your leg hurt right now?”

Fairly bad, considering. You were half on your knees, the booted leg twisted awkwardly while still raised to the coffee table. This wasn’t even to mention the arch of your back so you could be all that closer to Hawks.

The pain of the position was easy to forget; you were still shaking from kissing Hawks just once.

“Uh, maybe like a seven, once I can feel anything other than how good you felt just now,” you hummed, grinning up at Hawks as his face went bright red.

The infinite pleasure you received, making him blush so sweetly.

He shook it off, squeezing your sides, “Cute. Very cute. Mutually returned sentiment, but let’s adjust.”

You nodded but didn’t have much time to react as a bundle of Hawks’s feathers lifted you every which way, albeit incredibly gently. All said and done, he was fully upright against the back of the couch. With the support of a feather or two, Hawks’s arms tugged you into his lap. Your legs stretched to the side, the booted one immediately propped up by a feather-supplied pillow.

You both settled yourselves, blushing and leaning on each other now that you finally were allowing yourself to.

Keigo fully wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tight against him. One of his wings even shifted to drape over one his shoulder, sheltering the two of you in a canopy of a crimson. Keigo let his hands wander over your hips, not seeking anything more than blessed attention and heat. You gave it all to him, tucking your face into his collarbone, drowning in the scent that made you feel at home.

Keigo pressed his lips to your crown and legitimately shuddering.

He spoke to himself, so faintly and quietly, you hardly caught it, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

There was melancholy in his voice, but you were quick to strip it away.

You brushed your lips along his jaw, savoring the way he held you tighter, “I have too. Can we do this more?”

“Anytime, dove. Anytime.”

“Right now sound good?”

You withdrew to beam up at him as you were so good at doing, only to be smothered by craving-satiating kisses anywhere Keigo could get to. The sweet, high laughter that he dripped onto you made your heart burst all over again.

And you finally, finally fell into the other sweetly, warmly, and properly.

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taglist: @thepandapopo @hawksexual @sinclairsamess @darcia22 @inhalingsoysauce @yee-fxcking-haw

#salem writes #lavender latte #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #hawks x you #takami keigo x reader #takami keigo x you #takami keigo x y/n #mha reader insert #hawks reader insert #hawks #takami keigo #hawks mha #hawks bnha #im soft for this one yall #so soft

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possiamo-andare · 4 years

Text

Liar: JJ Maybank

JJ x Reader

(gif made by @rudypankows )

MASTERLIST

word count: over 9k (haha)

a/n: this is very angsty and I barely edited because it's so long. I'm so sorry in advance, the ending kinda sucks. I hope y'all like it tho!

description: this is a one part imagine, involving JJ and the reader (y/n). The reader and JJ meet at a beach party one night and start sleeping with eachother, but only staying friends. Soon, they fall for eachother and a sexual relationship turns into a romantic one. But JJ is hiding something and once it is revealed, will they ever be the same?

You rarely lied. As a kid, you would get hives when you lied to someone; your guilty conscience affecting your body. Lying was typically a very hard thing for you to do. It meant you were betraying someone's trust, and since you couldn't bear upsetting anyone, you couldn't lie. It got you in trouble all the time but your inability to lie was also your greatest strength. People appreciate your honesty and found your personality magnetic.

With that being said, you lied that night and it didn't even hurt you.

He had looked so good, you told yourself that. That was the problem. He had just looked so damn good that night at the beach almost anyone would lie to themselves to get him. Even just a taste.

You wanted to ignore him at first. Maybe if you didn't care enough, he wouldn't notice you. Because, god, if he noticed you, then he'd come over and then you couldn't promise anything. So, you averted your gaze and instead paid attention to Kie as she spoke, telling you about the newest charity she was saving money to donate to. You had, once in a while, glanced his way but he had always been looking somewhere else so you thought that he hadn't noticed your stares. Until, you had accidentally looked his way when he was watching you. You knew it was an honest mistake and something that eventually would've happened since you were looking so often, but you were embarrassed nonetheless. You were trying to convince yourself he didn't even notice you when he walked your way. You felt his eyes burning into you and you mustered every ounce of self control you had and didn't look at him as he walked closer and closer to you and Kie.

When he finally approached, he spoke to Kie first. "Hey Kie." His eyes drifted towards you again, this time a smirk evident on his face. Him watching you made you shift uncomfortably. You knew he was taking you all in.

Kie smiled at him and briefly hugged him. Then she looked at you, a nervous smile on your face, as she introduced you. "This is my friend Y/N. Y/N, this is JJ."

You nodded towards JJ. "Hi." That name sounded familiar but you couldn't quite remember. You went to the same school as Kie, you being a Pogue but getting a scholarship to the academy. You were an intelligent individual but you knew, when it came to boys, you were just about the dumbest person in the world. You'd probably sell your left kidney just for a kiss with this boy you had never met before. It was dumb, but you were a teenager and hopefully would grow out of it.

"Hey, nice to meet you." He extended his hand for you to shake.

You looked down at it and shook it, electricity coursing through your veins.

"What's your last name?"

JJ smirked, sizing you up once more. "Maybank."

JJ Maybank. You had heard about JJ and the things you heard didn't necessarily put a good taste in your mouth. But who were you to judge? Besides he was hot, and you doubted he would ever go for you. This was a harmless feeling.

Except it wasn't. One second, you were talking to JJ about surfing and the next second he was asking if you'd like to come back to his place. It had all happened so fast you were sure you had misunderstood him when he spoke. But then he asked you again and you were surprised. What surprised you even more was that you said yes.

"This is a one time thing." You lied to JJ, untying your shoes at his doorway.

He removed his shirt, pushing his hair out of his face. "Okay." He was smirking at you as you undressed, almost as if he didn't believe what you said.

You believed yourself that night, but soon came to realize that was so far from the truth. That one night had been amazing and you had thought that would be it. But it was not that easy. It never was with JJ. Before you knew it, only a week later, you saw him again. This time with a brunette leaning against him.

You had been invited by Kie again to meet John B. and Pope. You had gladly decided to come, partly because you wanted to meet Kie's other friends and also because you knew JJ would be there. But you hadn't expected him to be kissing someone else. Although you wanted it to be you, you knew that wasn't possible. Besides, why did you care? You were not gonna let some blonde Pogue mess with you. It was one night. It was amazing, but you had told him never again.

Then, it happened again. You were talking to John B. about helping him fix his car when, out of nowhere, JJ entered the conversation. He stood beside you and barely spoke but you felt his presence and that was enough. Once you and him were alone again, the conversation was short.

"Hey." He stated, matter-of-factly.

"Hi." You replied, pushing the hair out of your face.

"Didn't think I'd see you here." JJ smirked, taking a few steps closer to you. You remembered how harshly you swallowed. Boys like JJ rarely made you nervous.

"Well I am." You said defensively. You weren't about to let this boy play you. "Sorry I interrupted your fun with the brunette. What's her name?"

JJ chuckled. "Lacey. And you ruined nothing. To be honest, I wish it was you."

And then, that was it. Again, for the second time, you were in JJ's bed. Your clothes had been torn off before your body had even hit the bed. Shortly after JJ's were too. You barely had time to think, let alone speak but you managed to in between kisses.

"This is the last time." You smirked, both of you now knowing you were lying.

You wished you weren't lying that night. You wished you hadn't slept with JJ again. Maybe, you thought, everything that happened after would've been easier.

After that second night, you and JJ started a relationship. He wasn't your boyfriend, he made that clear to you. You hadn't really wanted him to be anyways. You had just gotten out of a long term relationship and didn't want your heart broken. You chose the wrong guy again because JJ loved breaking hearts. He did it for fun.

The rules were simple. You'd only call each other at night and you would leave right after. No real conversations, no love, just sex. And for a month, that was easy enough. You needed him during that month as much as he needed you. You weren't looking for something serious, just to fool around. You were sick and tired of commitment and heartbreak and just wanted to relax and have fun. JJ never had commitments and enjoyed the company. He hadn't had a girlfriend in ages and there was rarely a girl who wanted this kind of relationship. He was really happy to know that you were that type of girl. And he believed that as long as you continued to be that type of girl, this could go on forever.

Except it didn't.

You weren't really sure when everything changed but if you had to guess, you'd say it was the night he climbed through your bedroom window.

Your parents were out on a date night when you heard tapping on your window. At first you thought it was the tree outside your room but when it persisted, you decided to look for yourself. That's where you found JJ, leaning against your window sill. In a moment of shock, you opened the window and pulled him through. You were so shocked to see him mostly because the rules had been that if he wanted to have sex, he had to call you first. You had just been on your phone and since you hadn't gotten a call or text, you wondered why he was here in the first place. You were so shocked to see him here you almost didn't see his face. But once you did, you couldn't look away.

As he took a seat on the edge of your bed, you gasped. Not only was his face covered in blood and open wounds, he clutched his right side, as if he had broken a rib. You didn't hate blood, you hated the smell. To you, blood smelled like old iron and it made you nauseous. You probably would've become a doctor if it wasn't for the fact that the smell of blood made you nauseous. Maybe it was all the adrenaline of seeing JJ outside your window or the fact that he was badly beaten up, but you didn't feel nauseous when you smelled the blood coming off him. Your mind was too busy to remember to be nauseous.

You went to sit beside him, your hand coming to touch his face. "JJ..." The second your hand touched his cheek, he winced and pulled away.

"My dad got drunk." JJ stated, looking at his feet. He was clearly embarrassed and when you didn't speak, he continued. "I didn't know where to go. John B. is with Sarah and I don't wanna bother Pope or Kie."

You nodded. "I'm gonna get you cleaned up."

You knew JJ's dad was a deadbeat father. Everyone in OBX did. When he wasn't gambling, he was getting piss drunk in his home. A lot of people believed that JJ would bear the brunt of his father's alcoholism but you didn't want to believe it. You didn't want to believe that a father hurt his only child. Your parents weren't the best, being Pogues they rarely parented and you were frequently left to your own devices, but they never laid a finger on you. You didn't want to believe someone as seemingly happy as JJ would be suffering from physical abuse behind closed doors. Now, you knew it to be true.

You wanted to cry for JJ. But you stayed strong and fixed him the best you could. You got some disinfectant and a cloth, with tons and tons of bandages and got to work. First, you washed his face. As the water cleansed his face, your sink started to look like a crime scene. The amount of blood that went down the drain almost made you think that people's water was gonna start to taste like iron. Once his face was washed, you realized that there were only really two big gashes on his face. One, right over his cheek and the other on his forehead. With some disinfectant and bandages, you knew it would heal in a couple of weeks. As for JJ, you didn't know if he would heal.

"This is gonna hurt." You said as you held the cloth you soaked in disinfectant. JJ was sitting on the edge of your bathtub as you spoke to him.

He nodded. "Got any liquor?"

You smiled, shaking your head. "Sorry."

JJ sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "It's whatever."

And with that, you started to disinfect his wounds. At first, he was wincing but the more you cleaned, the less he did. Finally, when the two wounds on his face were clean, you put three bandages on each wound. Then, you moved onto his side, where he was clutching it tenderly. You knew that this was way out of your area of expertise but you wanted to help the best you could. And you knew JJ would never agree to go to a hospital.

"You gotta take off your shirt." You stated, pointing to the bloody shirt he still was wearing.

JJ smirked, looking down. "You want me right now?"

You couldn't help but smile. Even in this state, he could make you laugh. How was he so strong? "No. I need to see if you're hurt anywhere else."

JJ nodded, still smirking as he lifted his shirt over his head. "Anything to see me naked."

You were about to counter with a snarky remark, but you never got the chance. Your breath was caught in your throat when you saw what was underneath JJ's shirt. Where he was clutching his side, was a large purple bruise that expanded through his entire side. It was horrendous and you knew it would turn black before it started to heal but that wasn't even the worst of it. There were smaller bruises all over his stomach and back. They were small but you could tell they were large before and were just starting to heal. You wondered how you didn't see them before. It was dark when you were together but it couldn't have been that dark. Granted, you weren't really looking out to see if there was bruising but you couldn't believe that you had missed these before.

You were silent for minutes and finally, JJ spoke. "I never wanted you to see them. That's why I want to only see you at night."

You looked to JJ's face, his expression unreadable. Although he was expressionless, you were not. Your face was in a deep frown and there were tears pooling in your eyes, threatening to spill over any moment. You wanted to speak, but you didn't know what you could say. What was there to say?

Finally, you found your voice. "JJ..." Your voice was weak and soft, filled with emotion. You reached for his hand but when he realized you were about to cry, he pulled away.

"No," he said defiantly. "Don't get emotional. I'm fine." He was acting so strong. Why?

You nodded, blinking back tears. You refused to cry. "I'll get you some ice. Go lay on my bed."

You barely looked at JJ in the face as you left the bathroom to go get ice. This was too much for you, and it seemed like another normal Saturday night for JJ. You couldn't decide whether to feel so bad for him or angry that he wasn't letting you cry. You knew he was holding back tears, just like you, but he resented that you wanted to cry. You knew you weren't strong like JJ. All this time, all those beatings, and you would've cracked. You would've ran away or worse, but JJ kept going back. That night, your opinion of JJ changed.

The rest of the night consisted of you icing JJ's side and not speaking. You tried to get him to talk but he refused. You started with asking him about why his dad was doing this and for how long but he wouldn't answer you. Then you asked what had happened this time but he didn't want to talk about it. He complained he was tired and just wanted to sleep. You knew this was breaking a rule, but you cuddled beside him, laying your head in his chest to hear his heartbeat. He seemed way more calm when you were beside him.

Finally, after an hour of trying to get him to talk, you spoke for the last time. "Why'd you come to me?"

JJ shrugged one of his shoulders, the other one not moving because it was under your body. "I trust you."

You were shocked but too tired to say anything. You just laid there with him, hoping that you helped take some of the pain away. You hoped you had made some type of difference but you knew that with JJ, you were never sure.

After that night, things were different. JJ started calling you less and less and when you called him, he started making up more excuses. Sometimes you both went a week without speaking to each other and then he blamed it on how busy he was. You rarely hooked up, and when you did, it felt different. There was way more kissing and the kissing was more passionate and longer. Before, you had raced to take your clothes off and now, you let JJ make the first move. You felt different and at first, you thought it was because you felt closer to JJ. He had come to you in a time of need and you now were considered friends. That's why you thought it felt different. But then, JJ started acting very differently and you knew it wasn't just you. He would stay with you afterwards. He used to get dressed before you had time to catch your breath but now, he lingered on your bed and near you. You knew he wanted to stay the night but didn't know how to ask. And you were scared to tell him to stay. You didn't want to scare him.

JJ was not the relationship type of guy but that's basically what you were. You had stopped sleeping with anyone else entirely after that night and focused solely on thinking of JJ. You knew what a crush felt like and you knew that you were developing feelings for JJ. But, it was so hard for you to know if he felt the same way. Sometimes, you were sure he felt the same way. There were days where he couldn't keep his hands off you and was so passionate you couldn't stop smiling. Then there were other days where he wouldn't text you back and didn't answer your calls. You weren't sure if he was sleeping with other girls but you didn't want to ask. If he was, you knew it would hurt you.

Three days before the incident, JJ was having one of those days where he wasn't talking to you. You had texted him to ask him if he was going to Kie's party tonight but he only read it and didn't respond. You had just seen each other the night before and he was so loving and passionate that you thought for sure he felt the same. He had even stayed to cuddle afterward and talk to you about his day. You were smiling and laughing with each other and you were starting to feel like a real couple. Now, he wasn't responding to a simple question you asked. You felt so defeated. You couldn't tell what he was feeling and you felt like you were being strung along. You wanted to sit down and talk to him but you knew JJ and he didn't like that type of stuff. For JJ to even say he was happy was a lot since he rarely talked about his emotions.

That day, you felt used. You knew he was playing you. You convinced yourself, in that moment, that if he likes you he would've already told you. You convinced yourself he didn't like you. You told yourself, if he came to Kie's party, you would ignore him all night and talk to some other guy. There was no reason to wait around for someone who didn't appreciate you.

So, as you got ready for Kie's party, you turned off your phone. If he was gonna try to call or text you, you would make sure you couldn't see it. It would be way too tempting to keep your phone open. As you buttoned your shorts, you continued to tell yourself that this was for your own good. There's no point in being with someone who couldn't even decide if they liked you or not.

When you got to Kie's party, you instantly looked for alcohol. If you wanted to distract yourself, alcohol was your best option right now. You were halfway done with your second cup when Kie found you.

"Hey honey." She said, slowly taking the drink out of your hands. You fought her grasp for a second but when she started to glare at you, you let the cup go.

You plastered on a fake smile. "Hi Kie."

She threw out the remainder of your drink before hugging you tightly. "You're gonna need to be sober tonight."

You frowned, your brain already a bit foggy. "Why?"

Kie let go of you, glancing at the beach for a moment before looking back at you. "Rafe is here."

You wanted to gasp, but it came out more as a hiccup. Unfortunately, Rafe was your ex. You were together for a year before he cheated on you with someone else. You and Rafe had many great memories together but they were all tainted by the fact that he had cheated on you. Kie had told you from the beginning that a Pogue and a Kook dating was not a good idea but you were dumb and did it anyways. The good thing about Kie is that she never said I told you so. She just hugged you until you stopped crying. Now, you had to face Rafe for the first time since you broke up months ago.

Surprisingly, you reacted normally. You shrugged, looking behind you to John B., who was handling the keg. "JB! Can ya get me another cup?"

John B. looked over to Kie, who was glaring at him. John B. knew not to mess with Kie. He then looked back to you and shook his head. "Sorry."

You frowned, glaring at Kie. "Seriously?"

Kie just smirked. "You need to be on your best behavior."

You shrugged, a devilish idea popping onto your mind. "I will."

Kie frowned. "I know that look."

You smiled, the idea in your head about to turn into a reality. "Step aside."

Kie shook her head but you were quick to push her away and walk ahead of her, straight in the direction of Rafe. Kie followed behind you, pleading for you not to talk to him. You had never resolved your problems with Rafe and you knew that was something he wanted to do. So, in an effort to get a rise out of JJ, you were gonna talk to Rafe. You knew he was somewhere at this party and if he saw you and his nemesis speaking again, you hoped he would cause a scene. It was a shitty thing to do but it was the only way to know how JJ truly felt about you.

Once you got closer to the ocean, you spotted Rafe. He was sipping on a red cup, probably filled with beer, as he talked to Topper. When he saw you, he almost spit out his drink. You locked eyes for a moment before Kie stepped in front of you, blocking your view of him.

"No way. He cheated Y/N." Kie said, grabbing a hold of your hand.

You nodded. "I know."

Kie had a confused look on her face. "Then why talk to him?"

You looked over her shoulder and started to watch as Rafe made his way over to you. "Because of JJ."

Kie looked even more confused for a moment but then caught on. She had only suspected that there was something going on between the two of you but had no proof. Your omission right there was enough proof.

"Don't do this." Kie argued again, trying to convince you that this entire situation was a bad idea. She had seen what a jealous JJ was capable of and she knew if he felt even some feelings for you, this would not end well.

"If JJ can't admit his feelings towards me, I'll just talk to someone you will." You said to Kie, finally looking away from her one last time.

Right behind Kie stood Rafe. The red cup in his hand before was now gone and he was smiling at you. He had come tonight knowing you'd probably be here. He knew he had made a mistake and was willing to fix it between the two of you. You were always such a good girlfriend and he missed hanging out with you. He hoped you were open to fixing things too.

"Hey." Rafe said, causing Kie to turn around. She took one look at Rafe and rolled her eyes before looking back at you. You smiled at her and she sighed, walking away. Kie was done. If this is what you wanted, there was no way to stop you.

"Hi Rafe." You giggled, twirling your hair around your finger. You needed to be extra flirty with Rafe. The more you acted like you still liked him, you hoped the more upset JJ would be.

"I wanted to talk to you. I hoped we could talk about what happened." He said, stepping closer to you.

You nodded, holding back a gag. Truth be told, there was nothing on this earth that could make you like Rafe again. "Sure."

"I just wanna say how fucking sorry I am." Rafe began, grabbing your hand. You wanted to flinch but you didn't. "I was such a fool and I realize that now. I want you back Y/N."

You smiled, pretending to be happy with what he was saying. To be honest, you wanted to gag. The boy had cheated on you for half of your relationship with a girl that, as far as you knew, he was still seeing. There was no way in hell you would ever take him back. He didn't have to know that. You felt like it was justice now. Maybe Rafe was getting what he deserved.

Before you could speak and tell Rafe you were willing to give him a chance, you felt two hands on your arm. The hands grabbed where Rafe was holding your arm and ripped you both away. You recognized the person immediately. It was JJ, and he was fuming. He barely even looked at you as he made his way to stand in front of you, standing in between you and Rafe.

JJ turned to you, his brows furrowed and his jaw set. "What the hell are you doing?"

You rolled your eyes. "Just talking to Rafe."

Rafe moved from behind JJ to beside him. He grabbed a hold of JJ's shoulder and tried to move him. JJ didn't budge, still glaring at you. You knew it was working. Finally, you had some type of answer. JJ had unresolved feelings for you. Now, he just had to admit it.

"Why?" JJ questioned, glaring at Rafe for a moment before looking to you again. Although he was mad, you could tell his expression softened when he looked at you.

Before you could speak, Rafe grabbed a hold of JJ's shoulders and pushed him away from me. Then, Rafe spoke. "We're trying to work shit out."

JJ moved out of the way but only enough for Rafe to squeeze forward. You kept your eyes on JJ, who was now beyond confused. Rafe was speaking to you again but you tuned him out and watched as JJ tried to figure out why the hell you would want to work things out with Rafe. Finally, it seemed to click. When it did, JJ grabbed your hand and pulled you away from Rafe. Your hand felt as if it was on fire and you wanted to smile so badly but you kept the frown on your face. Rafe tried to follow you but JJ stood in front of him so your eyes were only on JJ's now.

As you looked into his eyes, he grabbed a hold of your shoulders and brought you close to him. "If you want to know how I feel, just ask me."

Rafe spoke up now. "What the fuck are you -"

"Rafe!" You spoke up, glaring at Rafe for a moment. You tore your gaze away from JJ for a moment only to finally give Rafe a piece of your mind. "I'd only get back together with you if we were the last two people on earth, and maybe not even then."

Rafe was taken aback. He had definitely not thought you were going to act so rude but you could care less. "JJ..." Rafe began to say but JJ ignored him. You didn't know why Rafe was so confused by JJ's reaction but you didn't care. JJ was about to tell you how he felt and that was all that mattered.

There was nothing for Rafe to say to make you like him and he knew it. So, with that, he turned and left. Finally, your eyes were back on JJ.

"You have to tell me." You said, crossing your arms over your chest.

JJ smirked, cupping your face in his hands. "You have to ask me."

You rolled your eyes. "How do you feel?"

JJ smiled this time, pulling you closer. "I like you Y/N. A lot."

You smiled back, wanting to scream for joy. Finally, there was no more confusion. "I like you too. A lot."

Finally, the two of you kissed. There was no more confusion or lies. It was just you and JJ, kissing. This kiss was different. It was full of promises. You liked each other, for real now, and you were not afraid to admit it. This is what it felt like to kiss someone you liked you, wholeheartedly. Someone who wanted you. Someone who cared. It had been so long since you had kissed someone who had cared about you.

That weekend before the incident, was probably the best weekend of your life. It was just you and JJ the entire weekend. The first two days were spent at your house. You just stayed together, half naked, talking and laughing and watching tv. There was no drama or confusion. It was just you and him. The kisses felt so real. The feelings felt so good. You felt a little more whole. You felt as though JJ felt the same. Those two days at your house were not only passionate but they were also a time where you got to know one another. This entire time, the both of you didn't know much about each other. Those two days in your house were spent getting to know each other. You learned that JJ loved fixing cars and wanted to own a hot tub one day. You knew his favourite colour and his favourite sport. And finally he opened up about his dad. When the abuse began, when it got worse and even what instigated his father that night he came to your house. You didn't cry and neither did he. You just soaked in his words and let him say his peace before comforting. JJ had opened up to you more in those two days than he had since he met you. You knew why. It was because you finally were a couple and he finally could be honest with someone. To JJ, it was the best feeling in the world. But, even as he spoke to you, he knew he was lying between his teeth.

The third day, you both had been at JJ's house. His dad had gone south for the weekend to gamble so you and JJ decided to get some fresh air and stay in his backyard for the day. There was only one lawn chair in his backyard but you both made it work. JJ sat down on it as you sat on his lap and cuddled onto him. For a couple of hours, you just laid there with him, talking at different times about everything. You felt so free now and you believed JJ felt the same. You knew it was because everything was out in the open. Everything had been said and anything that hadn't was still being developed. Even if it was just you and JJ laying on a chair, you still felt excited. You were with JJ and not scared anymore. You knew how he felt and it just felt so good to be wanted. It had felt like it had been a lifetime since you felt wanted.

When the sun finally set, you knew you had to say goodbye. Your parents were probably worried for you and JJ's dad would be back the next morning. The weekend was coming to an end and you were so upset. You and JJ had been in this bubble the entire weekend and you didn't want to break it. It was so hard to say goodbye. It took you and JJ ten minutes to say goodbye. You made plans to see each other tomorrow but it still felt like such a long time. You stood on JJ's front lawn for ten minutes, kissing and hugging each other until you were the first to pull away. You knew if you didn't get home soon, your parents would ground you.

"I gotta go." You whined as JJ kissed you again.

He wasn't letting you go. "No."

You pried away from his grip. You didn't want to leave. Being with JJ always made you feel better, even more so now. "I gotta. I'll see you tomorrow."

Finally, JJ lets you leave. With one last kiss, you turn away from him and walk away. As you walk down JJ's block, there's an evident smile on your face. You probably look like a crazy woman to the neighbours but you could care less. It had been a long road, through so much confusion, but you finally were with JJ.

You thought back to the time when you first met JJ. You had promised him it was a one time thing and you knew it was a lie. It felt like years ago when you first met him when in reality, it had only been a couple of months. You pictured his face the first time you met him. He had the devilish smirk on his face and his pupils were dilated. You remembered how you felt, and it didn't compare to how you felt now. You had never felt this strong about someone in ages and it felt so good to be appreciated. You had known that night, whether you'd admit it or not, that JJ was going to change your life. You had texted Kie that night and told her -

Your phone.

As you made your way onto the steps of your house, you remembered you forgot your phone at JJ's house. Dammit. You sighed and opened your front door, hoping your parents would let you go back quickly to get it.

Thankfully, your parents were sitting in your living room when you entered your house. They greeted you quietly but you told them you can't stay because they remembered you forgot your phone at Kie's house. You had told them you were at Kie's house and of course, they believed you. Your dad warned you to be quick and soon and you promised that you would. You were out the door and down your steps before your parents had time to warn you again.

Although it was inconvenient to walk all the way back to JJ's house, you couldn't help but smile. Not only would it be a cute surprise but you also wanted to see JJ again. You had missed him already.

You raced back to JJ's house and made it in ten minutes, cutting your travel time in half. You were desperate to see him again, even if it was only for five minutes. Your excitement died down once you saw JJ's house.

The first thing you noticed that was out of place was that there was a BMW in JJ's driveway. JJ didn't have a car, let alone a BMW. That was something a Kook had. You looked at the license plate and it seemed familiar but you couldn't place it. As you passed the car, you slowed down. Something about this car made your body go cold, even on a hot summer night like this. Your gut was telling you something, but you didn't want to believe it.

You somehow knew that you had to be quiet. As you made your way up the steps of JJ's house, you tiptoed towards the door. The closer you got, the more you realized that the door was slightly open, a glimmer of light from the house spilling into the darkness of night. You leaned forward, peeking through the slightly ajar door, hoping to get a glimpse of what was going on.

"Don't!" You heard JJ yell, his figure coming into the limited space you could see. He was yelling at someone that you couldn't see.

"Why? Because you know she'll hate you?" The voice made you gasp softly. You knew who it was. It was Rafe. It was Rafe's car that was in the driveway. Why was he here? And who were they talking about?

"Shut your fucking mouth!" JJ seethed, grabbing ahold of Rafe's collar and finally pulling him into your eyesight.

Rafe pushed JJ off of him, shoving him into the wall. You wanted to scream but you knew if you did, you'd never find out what they were talking about. "If you don't tell her, I will."

JJ looked so defeated. You wanted to reach out to him. "Please don't. I love her."

You knew who they were talking about now. It was you. JJ had done something only Rafe knew about. It was something he knew you'd hate him for. What could he have done?

Rafe played with his keys in his hand. "I paid you to go out with her only for you to break her heart. So she'd come back to me. What was so fucking hard about that? Not my fault you love her. I want my money back."

Rafe paid him? No. You couldn't believe it. Wouldn't. Everything felt so real. JJ's feelings felt real. You knew it was too good to be true. Even before he approached you for the first time, you had a feeling he would never like you. When he showed interest, you were surprised. When he approached you the second time, you were even more surprised. It all made sense now. Why was JJ so reluctant to like you, why he pulled you away from Rafe when you were trying to talk to him at Kie's party. He was playing you. But it all felt so real.

You must've gasped really loud because JJ and Rafe heard you from inside. JJ had swung the door open, scared to see who was on the other side. He knew if it was you, it would be over for him. When he saw you, crying, he realized what he had done.

When you saw JJ reach out for you, you moved away. He disgusted you. How could he? How could Rafe? Granted, Rafe was an asshole but at least he wore it on his sleeve. JJ had tricked you. And you could never forgive him. You backed away from both JJ and Rafe, slowly moving down JJ's steps.

"Y/N..." JJ began, following you down the steps. Rafe just watched behind JJ, clearly enjoying the misery he caused.

"Get away from me." You seethed, tears rolling down your face so fast. God, you felt sick. You felt so nauseous. Everything was a lie.

"I'm so sorry." JJ frowned, tears in his eyes. He seemed to shrink down as he walked towards you. The closer he walked though, the farther you walked.

"You liar!" You screeched, your voice raspy. You could barely breathe. It hurt so much.

JJ shook his head, his arms out towards you. "No, no. I love you Y/N."

You shook your head, wrapping your hands around your body, hugging yourself. You closed your eyes for a moment and stopped walking. This couldn't be real. You didn't want it to be real.

You felt JJ come closer to you, finally wrapping his arms around you. You let him embrace you, even if you didn't hug him back. This was the last time he would touch you. The last time he'd hurt you. God, you had been so stupid.

The hug only lasted ten seconds because the second you collected yourself, you pushed him away. He looked so hurt, tears running down his face. You wanted to hug him, you still had feelings for him, but you knew you couldn't. He betrayed you. He lied to you.

"You're a liar." You said coldly, finally turning around and running away.

You ran and ran and ran. Away from JJ's house and away from Rafe. Away from everything that you once loved. You didn't even stop to catch your breath, your mind wouldn't let you. You believed that maybe if you ran far enough, you wouldn't be in so much pain. You wanted to run away from all your problems.

You made it to your house in record time. By the time you entered your home, your parents were gone. They left a note on your bed saying that they went out for the night and would be back by midnight. You didn't care. You used to care. You used to leave you but it seemed as if everyone was leaving you recently.

You curled up into a ball on your bed and closed your eyes. Once your eyes were closed, you blocked the images of JJ that flooded your mind. You remembered you hadn't gotten your phone but you didn't care. You just wanted to sleep. You cried so much your chest was starting to hurt and you knew the only way for all of this to stop, was for you to rest your body and mind. It was easy for you to fall asleep. Your eyelids were already droopy from all the crying that it only took a couple of minutes for you to fall asleep. Once you did, you slept the entire night. You started to dream about JJ, but you stopped yourself. Your brain wasn't ready for that yet. You needed time.

And this is where you were now. You hadn't talked to JJ in two days. Kie had come by to drop your phone off and she tried to comfort you but you didn't speak. It was hard to comfort someone who didn't want to be comforted. You felt so empty. You felt stupid too. You had been so eager to trust JJ, even when Rafe had betrayed your trust already. But you were a good person. You guessed this was your punishment.

When Kie couldn't comfort you, John B. had tried to come over. At first, you didn't want to let him in, but with some coaxing, you finally opened your door to him.

You wanted to ask how JJ was but you told yourself you shouldn't care anymore. He wasn't yours anymore. He never was.

John B., tired of the silence, was the first to speak. "JJ is a wreck."

This got your attention. You had hoped he was. So were you. You didn't say anything to John B. when he said this, just nodded solemnly.

"I've never seen him like this. He's really sorry." John B. said, sitting down beside you.

You scowled. "Did you only come here to make me feel shitty? JJ lied to me. He betrayed me. I could care less if he was dying."

John B. didn't even react to what you were saying, almost as if he knew you were going to say that. "Yeah. I know. I wanted to come to see how you were doing, but I'd be lying if I said JJ didn't want me to come to see how you were doing."

You looked at John B., the scowl replaced with a frown. "If he wants to talk to me, he can come here himself." You didn't want him to, but you knew the only way to end this was to tell JJ yourself.

John B. nodded. "When can he meet you then?"

You had decided with John B. that you were going to meet JJ at the beach, where you first met. You guessed it was only fitting. You had gotten ready a couple hours before you were set to meet with him. You wanted to look a bit presentable, only to show JJ that you looked better than he did. Even if it was not true, you wanted to appear like you moved on. You put on some makeup and changed into a new tank top with black shorts, praying to God that you looked a little better than you were. You wanted to appear as if you had healed, even if you hadn't.

Waiting on the beach was absolute torture. You had been ten minutes early which was your fault entirely. You wanted to have some control over the situation, even though you knew you weren't in control. As you waited, you began to feel yourself start to cry. You couldn't believe how much everything changed. Only days ago you and JJ were together and happy, and now you could barely think about him without crying. Everything has gone so messed up. Although you desperately wanted to go back to the time where you two were still together, you knew that you couldn't do that. You had the truth now and as much as those old memories were good, you didn't want to forget the truth. You would come here with only one purpose. You needed to end things with JJ completely.

JJ was late by three minutes. You wanted to be upset but you know why he was late. You knew he wanted to prolong this conversation because he knew why you wanted to talk to him. You were here to end things for good and JJ didn't want that. By the time he finally arrived on the beach, he prepared himself. You were doing the same.

Once he was close enough, you spoke first. "Hello." You were cold as you spoke, almost as if you were talking to a stranger.

JJ knew he deserved this kind of behaviour from you but it still hurt him deeply. With every ounce of being he had in him, he replied. "Hi."

"I think you know why I want to talk to you." You said, the coldness in your voice still evident. You are afraid that if he even showed a small hint of emotion, you would break down and start crying all over again.

JJ nodded, tears in his eyes. He knew how stupid he was. When Rafe had come up to him before the beach party, he had been planning to take this other girl named Lacey out but he had offered JJ $2,000 just to break some girl's heart. JJ did that shit for free and to get money for it oh, it seemed like a deal. He slept with you once and although he felt something, he ignored it. He got his money but Rafe was still unhappy because you hadn't reached out to him yet. So Rafe told JJ to hook up with you a second time but this time JJ didn't ask for any money. It felt wrong in JJ's eyes. He actually had a good time with you. You were a good person and it felt wrong. But he liked you enough to continue sleeping with you. Not for Rafe, before himself. After that night where you patch him up, he knew he couldn't deny his feelings for you anymore. He went back and forth in his mind, debating whether he should pursue things with you or not. You had made it clear many times that you felt something for him and although he felt something for you, there was a little voice in his head telling him that what he was doing screwed up because he hadn't liked you at first. There were so many times where he wanted to tell you but he didn't want to ruin anything because for the first time he actually ever felt happy with someone. Then he ruined everything. And now you never want to speak to him again.

JJ wanted to explain everything to you in detail and try to make you understand the situation that he was put in. There was no point though. He still had done a screwed-up thing to you and he didn't deserve you.

"After tonight, I never want to talk to you again." You said plainly, crossing your arms over your chest. The sun was setting soon and you knew you should be getting home. But you needed one more thing from JJ. "Why'd you do it?"

JJ had been looking at his feet the entire time but when you said this he finally made eye contact with you. "Do what?"

You let a tear slide down your cheek and you watched as JJ frowned even more. "Why did you just break my heart like Rafe wanted? Why did you string me along?"

JJ sighed, looking at the ocean before getting the courage to look at you. He had hurt you beyond repair. He knew that there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, to get you to forgive him. So he didn't sugar coat it. He just told you the truth.

"I could care less about you at first. I had seen you hanging out with Kie so many times before that first party and I thought you were cute but you were Kie's friend. Then race told me his plan and said he'd give me $2,000 if I could break your heart. I never cared about anyone. I was selfish. So at first, I did it. And it was easy. But you are so easy to love Y/N. You're kind and gentle. You didn't ask many questions when I came over to your house that night covered in cuts and bruises. You never pushed me to talk about my feelings because you knew that was not something that I was comfortable with. No one has done that. And I realized what I had been missing. But Rafe realized that you didn't love him anymore. He tried to get me to do it again and even offered more money but something told me not to do it." JJ took a moment to breathe, looking at the tears sliding down your face. He wondered what you were thinking. "It's so easy to be with you. I'm not easy to be around. I'm selfish and I'm cruel. I'm reckless. But you love me so much that you were patient. I know I should have told you. But it was so easy to be with you, that I didn't think I would be able to live without you. I'm sorry."

You didn't know how to react. This was the most JJ had ever expressed his feelings towards you. You'd be lying if you said you weren't surprised. You didn't know if it was enough though. You wondered if anything he did would be enough.

When you didn't respond to him, JJ knew. It wasn't enough. He loved you and he said all those nice things, but it wasn't enough. He was a liar and he betrayed you too deeply for you to forgive him. He understood. He didn't blame you. He didn't say anything else. He doubted you wanted to hear his voice ever again. He made no sound as he turned away from you and left. As he walked to the boardwalk and passed the beach, he couldn't help but cry. Although he had cried before, this time he knew it was the end. It wasn't enough.

You didn't know why JJ left. You are still trying to take in all those things that he said and by the time that you did, you realized that he was gone. You scanned the beach in the boardwalk and finally found him a hundred yards away. He didn't want to forgive him. You had come here tonight to make him hurt. You had come to end things completely. You had told yourself that no matter how much he pleaded, you were still going to walk away. But as much as you didn't want to admit it, you knew JJ and you knew when he was lying and when he wasn't. He wasn't lying now you knew he wasn't lying when you guys were together. He had screwed up. He had started a relationship with you for the wrong reasons. But he loved you. He loves you so much that he was willing to walk away if that made you happy. But you realized it didn't make you happy. And you wondered why you wanted to walk away in the first place. JJ had done all that terrible stuff before he knew you. And although it would take so much time for you to completely heal, you need JJ. So you ran after him.

"JJ!" You screamed, running closer and closer towards the boy you loved.

JJ stopped dead in his tracks. He thought his brain was playing tricks on him. But when you called for him the second time, he knew it was true. You had chased after him. You still wanted him. What had he done to deserve that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

When he turned around, he saw you run to him. His tears instantly stopped and a huge smile fell over his lips. You had still loved him. You had run such a long way and JJ felt bad so he ran to you, trying to close to distance faster. Once you were close enough to touch, JJ reached out for you. When you reached out for him, he grabbed ahold of you, pulling you into a big hug. You both stood there for a moment, trying to catch your breath as you hugged. JJ was smiling so wide.

Once you caught your breath, you let go of JJ. You looked at him, his hands coming up cup your cheeks. He was smiling so wide and you felt yourself smiling too.

"You're easy to love too."

JJ didn't say anything, just pulled you close for a kiss. When your lips touched, you felt whole again. It would take some time but you needed JJ. And he needed you.

"I love you." JJ said, smiling wide.

You nodded, pulling him close. "I love you."

And you both weren't lying.

taglist: @jjmaybanxx @teamnick

#jj maybank #outer banks #jj obx #jj outer banks #obx fanfiction #obx #obx netflix #john b obx #john b outer banks #john b routledge #obx kiara #kiara carrera #kiara outer banks #pope obx #pope outer banks #pope heyward #obx rafe #jj x y/n #jj x reader

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sexymanera · 4 years

Note

Hi , can I request sebek that is being protected by their s/o that they were badly injured. Maby losing their memories or in a coma. Even tho I'm not a riddle stan but when I read your writings made me go blank for a sec. I really love how you write the angst! Pls don't forget to take care of your self!

out like a light

sebek zigvolt

semi short imagine

angst

gender neutral reader

note: aw thats so sweet! uh sorry if you wanted a happy ending but i assumed angst bc of the prompt-

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

“With no kiss goodnight Would we ever fight when I'm away?”

“who are you?” the tone wasn’t meant to sound rude. it was a genuine question that escaped your lips. sebek froze. he has been staying by your side the entire time you were out cold for weeks. fortunately, the concussion you got from falling during your flying classes wasn’t that severe and, as the doctor had predicted, you woke up after a few weeks.

as soon as sebek saw your shining orbs, he knew you were back. that everything would be back to normal. apparently that wasn’t the case as you had memory loss (also another thing the doctor predicted). it was said that the memory loss wouldn’t last very long and that if sebek continued his normal routine with you, your memory would come back naturally. the green haired freshmen was determined to make his partner regain their memories.

sebek cleared his throat to answer your question, “i’m your. . . boyfriend? at least, that was what you used to call me before you lost you memories.” he stated, slightly wary that you wouldn’t believe him. to his surprise, you smiled at him. oh, how he missed that smile of yours. the smile that would brighten his day no matter how happy he would be feeling, his morale would increase after seeing your grin. sebek tried to stop himself from tearing up and let out an airy chuckle. “hm, so what’s your name?” you asked, still sounding confused.

“sebek zigvolt. your name is y/n l/n. . . if you don’t remember,” this was the first time anyone has ever seen sebek quiet and timid. usually he’d be boasting about malleus to anyone he would interact with, and that’s usually you. but before you lost your memory, you would enjoy his passionate talks about malleus. you were already close with the tall, dark fae. it was cute to see your boyfriend talk about him. you weren’t really bothered if he rarely talked about you to others.

“hm, i was going to ask my name next,” you chuckled, “uh, did i lose my memory, perhaps?” you asked again. sebek gave you a nod. the rest of the day went by normally, if you could call it that. sebek and the rest of diasomnia along with ace, deuce, and grimm helped you recover your memories. you felt loved.

though, after losing your memories, sebek has vowed to himself that he would never put you in danger and, therefore, has become a little too overprotective of you. he basically downloaded jamil’s personality and combined it with his eccentric yet strict attitude. you didn’t really know how to react to it since you don’t remember what he was like before. so, you let him “protect” you from anyone.

you were slowly getting your memories back, but of course, disaster had to strike at the worst times. upon entering the diasomnia dorm with sebek, you noticed something was definitely not right. you dropped your books, grabbed sebek’s arm and ran towards the building where the students stayed but halted to a stop once you noticed a tall, looming figure that seemed to resemble a dragon. what was that? you asked yourself, but before you could turn to sebek and ask him what was going on, he swiftly brought out his magic pen with the familiar green gem at the point of it. your eyes were mesmerized by the beautiful gem but shook your head and focused on the monster in front of you.

“that’s. . . the young master,” sebek gulped, pushing you behind him, protecting you from the very person he serves. it was an overblot. how did this happen? how did malleus lose his calm? his composure? sebek gritted his teeth and searched around for the other members of diasomnia. he spotted lilia landing upon impact and getting up shortly after, gripping his magic pen. the pink and black haired male was badly injured. this must’ve been going on for a while now.

the battle seemed endless. everyone was growing tired and you all had to get through to malleus so he would stop wreaking havoc. you stopped mid battle to rest but images of your lost memories flashed in your mind like a film reel. you opened your eyes once more and tried to help sebek in any way you can (which isn’t much but encouraging the others and boosting their motivation as they get through to malleus).

you were almost there. you were all almost done with the battle. malleus seemed weak enough to attack.

but then, you see an attack heading straight towards sebek. in a spur of the moment, you jumped out of your spot and launched yourself towards him, causing the attack to have an impact on you instead. sebek was in a daze after feeling your weight on him and how his back hurt when he landed on the concrete. his eyes widened noticing the state you were in. lilia and silver saw what had happened and landed the final blow on malleus. meanwhile, sebek was panicking over how badly injured you were. he didn’t know what to do. tears streamed down his face. he hasn’t made enough memories with you. he hasn’t even caused your memories to come flooding back!

“y/n. . . y/n. . .” he whispered through his sobs. malleus had already been returned back to normal and saw what he had done. he was filled with immense regret and guilt after seeing the state you were in. you were in pain. it wasn’t enough pain to make you wish it would go away though. it more so felt like you were floating on water and the water was so cold that it hurt your body. you grunted, wanting to get up. opening your eyes, you see the rest of the diasomnia dorm around you as sebek held your fragile body. what will he do?

“sebek,” you spoke out, remembering everything, “i remember,” you gasped. everyone was stunned. why now? why at the worse time you would regain your memories. “hey, i don’t have much time left. even you know that.” you coughed. sebek couldn’t say a thing. what should he say? “so, remember this,” you took in a deep breath and gave him a sad, loving stare.

“believe me, we will meet again. until the limits of the sky, i will search for you.” and that’s when your body went limp. you no longer moved. your body was cold. all that was heard were the screams of agony sebek had let out after realizing you were gone.

this loss had been hard especially for sebek. what’s running through his mind, knowing that the reason his lover is no longer by his side is because of the master he served? it was hard on him. he didn’t know what to do. malleus, on the other hand, was guilty more than ever. he had just destroyed the source of happiness of his servant.

“sebek,” malleus started. the green haired male turned to him, a blank expression on his face. malleus sighed and gave him a serious look, “you don’t have to serve me anymore. i know. . . how much you’re going through right now.” sebek wasn’t fazed in the slightest. he cleared his throat and breathed in and gave a sad smile, “i can’t abandon you, young master. after seeing y/n leave me, i can’t possibly let the people close to me get hurt.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　　-: ✧ :-゜・．

a/n: PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF THIS WASN’T THE KIND THAT YOU REQUESTED MSNMREJDF

#sebek zigvolt #sebek zigvolt x reader #gender neutral reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #imagine #twisted wonderland imagines #angst

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akudama-drive-incorrect-quotes · 3 years

Text

Akudama Drive Character Opinions/Thoughts Pt. 2

Heyo!! <3 Here’s Pt. 2. I can’t believe this has two parts OMG. Remember that these are just my opinions so feel free to disagree with me! This was just a ramble I did for fun. I know it’s different from what I normally post, but hey! I wanted to try something new. :D

Please enjoy and message me with anything. And definitely check out Pt. 1 if you haven’t done so already!

Cutthroat: I think I have a special place in my heart for white haired, crazy psychopaths, oop. (Juuzou Suzuya and Rui*) I adored Cutthroat from the very first moment I saw him. [Side note: I’m kind of disappointed that the show went with the pronoun “He” (I was super excited to have a nonbinary character, but alas.] Those little moments in the beginning with Swindler and Cutthroat were weird, but surprisingly wholesome at times and I really loved when he ate the tin of marshmallows, dropped the knife (you know when xD), and pressed all the buttons on board the airbus. I equally loved the serious side of him that showed that he was much more intelligent than he let on (that scene where he throws his knives to reach the button; Episode 3). I just thought that those two different personalities mixed in with the childlike-psychoticness was super refreshing (even if we’ve seen characters like him before). But as much as I love Cutthroat, I have mixed feelings about his death in episode 9. I know some people are angry at Swindler for killing him, but honestly I think it kind of had to be done what with the way that he was acting towards her (love vs. bloodlust. IT'S nOT lOvE). So while I’m definitely sad boi over him dying, I do admit that he was genuinely terrifying during his last moments. (Haha I prefer the Cutthroat that spends his day eating marshmallows, thank you!!)

Brother: Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun anyone? Lmaoo. I liked him a lot. I thought he was a cutie and I really admired the strength/resilience he showed in trying to protect his Sister (something that I’m sure was endearing to a lot of us). I was definitely aware that the two of them were Sus from the beginning when we saw them on board the Shinkansen, but I never could’ve imagined the ending! I originally predicted them being the bad guys of the story and that the Akudama would have to ally with the Executioners. But all in all I’m SO RELIEVED the two of them were able to escape to somewhere better. I loved the role that Swindler played within their lives (even for a short time) and how she helped Brother and Sister show more outward emotions to one another. Also that scene where he was surprised at all the swear words Sister learned was so funny. xD

Sister: I was suspicious of both Brother and Sister from the very beginning and really didn’t have strong feelings for either of them. Sort of like. “Yay kids…?.” But I’m so glad that Sister really found herself with Swindler and was able to become more expressive and more child-like. It hurts to know that these two children can and never will have normal lives/childhoods, so in a really sad way Swindler was able to give Sister a glimpse into a normal life during her last few days. ;-; I really can’t say much more about Sister, besides the fact that I’m genuinely very happy that the two of them were able to continue living on hopefully in a better place. Her moments with Swindler and Courier were so cute!! And the way that she repeated everything they said was adorable. Also. HER OUTFIT slayed. I was so touched by the sisterly relationship that Sister and Swindler had. <3

Executioner (Master): DayUM SiR save some of that badasseryness for the rest of us. He was super cool and I think his entire arc around his death was super well done!! A truly Breathtaking end to his life. While watching the show I definitely acknowledged how strong he was, but overall apart from that I can’t say I really had any particular feelings towards him. I have a confession: I didn’t really react too much to his death (I’m sorryyy I’m a terrible person). I appreciated more so about what he allowed for story-wise, I think he was a great example for the moral ambiguities between Akudama and Executioner/the moments between him and his pupil were great, but that’s about it. I think his final moments were very powerful and I could tell that he cared about his pupil a lot so that’s nice, especially in the context of her character growth later on in the show...which is amazing!!

Executioner (Pupil): I really wished she would have joined the Akudama side. I obviously know that that would never happen, but it would’ve been amazing for her to question the actions of the executioners and change sides. We see that she isn’t driven in the same way that her boss or her teacher were and seemed genuinely affected when the little girl told her that her parents were killed in the riots. It would’ve been so cool to see her fight against Doctor alongside Hoodlum, Courier, Swindler in the train station (Side note: If the circumstances had been different, I don’t think she would’ve allowed Doctor to get her way like that, but who knows?). Another thing I loved was seeing the time lapse between her being a dedicated student to becoming almost a replica of her teacher (scar of some sort with a fierce determination to fight alone), but unlike her teacher, I felt more inclined to like her for whatever reason. I just felt that it would’ve been great to see her rise up against the Executioners and question her own morals further (even if that might have included sparing some Akudama’s lives). But overall, I liked her more as the season progressed. Go Girl!

Executioner (Junior): This POOR boy had it rough. I mean signing on to be the junior apprentice of an Executioner during all of this?! And also the fact that Doctor literally pierced his heart with a needle AND he later got shot (possibly killed?) Like leave him alone! :00 Haha, but seriously, he seemed super nice and almost seemed like the Executioner equivalent to Swindler (not entirely sure what they’re doing/gets pulled into the mess of the Akudama, etc.). I thought he was super cute. :3

Boss: She was lowkey a bad bitch tho not gonna lie. I found her super cool with a great sense of authority...that is until she ordered all of the citizens to literally be slaughtered. I can understand why she issued the first order of having all the citizens be turned into Akudama, but then like just killing all of them that were rioting?? NOOO. I’m not quite too sure what else I should say about her? I thought she was interesting and would’ve liked to see her fight, or her own past (she seems older so backstory of the Executioners would’ve been fun!)

Black Cat (A.I) : While parts of Brother and Sister’s backstories were a little lost on me, I liked the addition of Black Cat as sort of a mini-catalyst to the entire hijacking mission in the beginning. I think the cat had a great presence in the first episode (almost a symbol of bad luck from the moment Swindler finds them...OoooOO). Not much to say apart from the fact that like. Yup. That's a robot cat. [Side note: Sort of reminds me of Monokuma xD)

Hope you enjoyed this! Check Out Pt. 1! 💕

#akudama drive #akudama #akudamadrive #akudamadrivethoughts #akudamadriveopinions #anime #animethoughts #boss #blackcat #executioner #executioner pupil #executioner master #executioner junior #cutthroat #sister #brother #Thanksforstickingwithme! <33

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ichabodcranemills · 3 years

Text

re: D*rklina

@musical-chick-13 I’m putting this under a read more, because I have additions and, yes, it is long 😂

So, as far as I can tell from what show-watchers have told me, yes, he is definitely worse in the books. And specifically, the general idea in said books seems to be that just because someone is charismatic and attractive and “gets” parts of you doesn’t mean that they’re a good partner or even worth your time, which is a message I have waited FOREVER to see. Beauty (and to a lesser extent, magnetism) does not equal goodness. The Dark/ling (I have no idea if the names will show up in the tags so I’ll put slashes in the middle of them, wow this website’s features need revamping) always seemed…very entitled to Al/ina. There wasn’t any desire for them to become equals (even in a moral sense by dragging her down to his moral level or raising himself up to hers). His behavior and pursuit of her seems much more motivated by the idea of being able to congratulate himself on the fact that he’s “won” her. She’s more of like…a conquest to him? And maybe that’s a huge misread of his character on my part, but the Leigh, the author, HAS said in the past that some of the Dark/ling’s dialogue and actions were written as a way for her to make sense of and deal with an irl toxic relationship she was in during part of the writing period, so I…don’t think it’s a completely unreasonable interpretation? And that’s not to say that power imbalance ships should Never Be Shipped (because they can be genuinely compelling or even fun to watch under the right writer), and Leigh has even said that she Gets The Appeal herself.

But I think the reasons Tho/schei works for me where D*rklina doesn’t are because 1) Tho/schei have genuinely known each other for a long time (and even been on good terms for some of it) but the Dark/ling decides, despite being this all-powerful charismatic force who is hundreds of years old, to get pettily involved in a teenage love triangle in very little time which is a choice that makes absolutely no sense to me at all, 2) The Doctor is an extremely morally grey character, in a way that if they aren’t careful could easily match the destructiveness of The Master. They both are aware of this, and both of them believe themselves (in their own ways) to be “above” morality (The Doctor in the sense of “I know what’s best and my choices are law” and The Master in the sense of “My choices are law and I deserve to cause destruction and have complete control”. There are…not equal, but similar enough levels of moral ambiguity that it makes sense to me that they still Get™ each other. The Doctor also likes Intellectual Challenges and Foiling Grand Plots, to the point where it’s often the Most Important Thing, and The Master not only provides those, but enjoys the conflict as well, and 3) They actually are close to being equals. They’re both very smart, powerful, immortal. Obviously The Doctor has Much More Life Experience and a more extraordinary legacy because of the Timeless Child thing, but Missy’s primary goal was simply “I want my friend back” and Dhawan!Master freaked out because it was impossible to see them as equals anymore. The Doctor, as per Twelve, wants the Master to be good because they’re alike in a way no one else in either of their lives are. They kind of…want the same thing but in different ways, whereas The Dark/ling, while understanding The Burden Of Power, doesn’t actually want the same thing Al/ina does.

And that relationship between D*rklina could still make for a fascinating dynamic, and one that in another life I might even be into myself if not for the whole “reducing it to Good Girl Saves Bad Boy” trope that I keep seeing within a good deal of the fandom. Not that a general fandom reaction or misread should prevent anyone from enjoying something, but I’m so tired that it’s nearly impossible for me to separate them at this point, lol. Ultimately it boils down to the fact that they seem like such fundamentally different people that I don’t personally see how they could ever truly find common ground or genuinely appreciate their similarities. I think the most interesting exploration of a romantic bent to their dynamic would be in a context where they are so different and recognize that they’re so different, and they might want to focus on their similarities, but it’s not enough. There could be this undeniable pull between them, but what does that really mean when held up against who they are and how they choose to interact with the world? And then having to deal with the necessary antagonism that results. I guess I see the existence of this ship as like…more of a thought exercise than anything I would ever want to happen in any way other than a one-sided attraction on his part, or that could ever truly be narratively justified. But also like…I hate him, so that makes it kind of hard for me to want to explore it in any way at all. Which that’s a personal thing. Other people like this character, and I’m genuinely happy for them that they can see something I don’t.

UGH, I’m sorry this got so long. This is what happens when I have an urge to Share my Thoughts.

I totally understand your feelings and I think the show did a good job on not only humanizing the D*rkling, but also making the relationship more palatable. I, mean, I’m sure we can partially blame Mr. Barnes’ soulful eyes, but I definitely got the impression that, while the D*rkling wants to use Alina for his own gains, he is very drawn to her as THE Sun Summoner, as in “we are linked and will inevitably be the only one for the other”, he basically tells Mal as much.

And I don’t blame you for losing interest in them because of the fandom, it can be very frustrating, especially if one of the characters didn’t appeal to you in the first place (I mean, I’ve been there, hello R*ylo, lmao)

I think I get what you’re saying about how this works out in the books and how what draws me to D*rklina isn’t necessarily textual. And I think I might have went in a little biased when I watched the show, because, before I did, a friend told me she was getting Thoschei vibes from it, but didn’t especify where, So I watched and there it was: M*lina… okay, school best friends, us against the world, but in general, eh, they were too “perfect” (as in, no real conflict between them). And then D*rklina with everything I said on my original post. I mean, I was looking for a thoschei-like dynamic and I found one 😂.

I’ve read some spoilers for the book, so I know my whole “200 years later” fantasy doesn’t happen, so I agree with you, this ship is more of a thought exercise. But I think the show sets it up in a way that is Just My Thing, whereas the book is more straightforward with how incompatible these two are, romantically. But the fandom will ship away, even in kinda blergh ways, it’s how it is 🤷

#thank you for sharing your thoughts #this is fun! :D

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heloflor · 3 years

Text

As Time Passes Prologue : My Brother, part 1

AO3 link ; Prologue 1 (The Estate)

A collection of scenes from Vinnie’s early life. From his younger years as a toddler to his last years as a teen. From a life of fear to a life of uncertainty. From an abused child relying on the only good people in his life to a young adult determined to make things right for them.

TRIGGER WARNING : child abuse, violence, depression, mentions of drug and alcohol, infidelity. Basically anything that goes with messed up abusive parents. And to that regard, this fic is NOT made to romanticize abuse or mental illness ! There’s also a moment in part 2 mentioning a dystopic future with the urbanization of the world and its consequences on every species (it’s only one part and you see it coming). This also means mentions of animal abuse and LITERAL animal genocide !!

Notes : Well, this took 8 months longer than expected…

Seriously. I started working on this chapter BEFORE “The Estate”, only deciding later to start with Cav’s backstory because it makes more sense given what I intend to write for chapters 3 and 4.

Though, that chapter is very, VERY long so that also explains the delay. And even despite the size, I feel like I tried to cram in too much elements and underdeveloped some stuff as a result. Like, that whole thing could be a fic in itself if I had enough ideas to fill the holes there and there.

On a lighter note, during that “hiatus”, I read the book “Wanderers” by Chuck Wending and one interlude gave me the idea of putting dates at the beginning of each new part of the story, which is going to come in VERY HANDY for the story (also the fact that the fic is called “As Time Passes” makes it even better).

As for the chapter itself, let’s just say that, after giving an idea of what Cavendish’s life used to be, now it’s time to show Dakota’s. Though, this chapter will be much longer and goes onto basically his entire life before B.O.T.T.. There are also a lot of dark stuff (as said in the trigger warning) because apparently my brain still hasn’t gotten past that teenager need to make anything as messed up as possible.

Regarding the sibling OCs, fun fact : the idea of Dakota having older siblings came partly from Tumblr and partly from my wish to have Dakota be an uncle due to how much the guy seems to love kids (but I don’t see him have his own, for reason that will be talked about in the main fic). Then, while listening to random songs and coming up with Dakavendish animations in my head (yeah I’m THAT kind of weirdo), I ended up listening to “A Guy Like You” from Disney Hunchback and suddenly Dakota had three siblings. Then all that needed to be done was give them a personality and choose which one would have a kid. And then make them all queer because I spend too much time on the internet.

Another thing about them, to make it easier at the beginning : there are four. And for the age-gap, as an example, the fic starts with the ages being 13 (Enzo “Enzie”), 9 (Bettina “Bettie”), 5 (Donatello “Donnie”) and 3 (Viviana “Vivie”/Vincenzo “Vinnie”).

(side-note about the writing at the beginning : using the wrong pronouns for a character is MUCH harder than I thought it would be)

Btw I don’t know how to draw so instead, if you want to see how the siblings look like, I made them in Miitopia (don’t ask). Here’s the link for it (just ignore my ramblings in this...).

Also, while the idea of him having siblings comes partly from my brain, the idea of Dakota being Italian is 100% from Tumblr and AO3 with like half the Dakavendish fandom who seems to follow this headcanon. Hell, I even have an irl friend who told me Dakota gives them a European vibe while I was telling them that one of the reasons people saw him as trans was his height.

(and I guess you could say the same thing about him having heterochromia and being colorblind ; all the credit for these two ideas goes to the fandom)

Btw, despite them being Italians, the dialogue is in english. In future chapters tho, depending on the character’s POV, some dialogue will either be in Italian or in English in italics.

And fun fact : while googling Italian names to help me name these characters, I discovered that there’s an Italian name that’s “Baldassare” and this is 100% how Dakota’s siblings and nephew/nieces would call Cavendish.

And one last “””fun””” fact : the character of Enzo is partly inspired by a guy I know who, by the age of 6, was the one to wake up, dress, feed, bring to school and overall raise his 4 younger siblings. And if you’re wondering, the guy is 23 now and is doing pretty fine (much, MUCH better than the shit I plan for my OC here). And no, the name of the OC isn’t inspired by this guy. I looked up random Italian names for each sibling + Vinnie’s dead name.

Anyways, onto the fic now. Enjoy !

January 10, 2134

The morning started with their usual routine.

Vivie was sleeping soundly, her brother Donnie by her side, until their oldest brother Enzie came to wake them up. Vivie could hear her sister Bettie grumble, not helped by Enzie urging her to get up. He would always claim that, unlike the other two, she needed to be ready early. They didn’t go to school at the same hours. First it was Bettie, then Donnie, and finally Vivie was brought to the nursery.

Enzie also went to school. Bettie once said that Enzie always turned out late because his school started before them. But Enzie always insisted to take care of them first. The older brother didn’t like letting them alone with Mamma. And, truth be told, Vivie didn’t like it either.

Once Enzie reached their bed, Donnie pretended to still be sleeping and made snoring noises. Sometimes, Vivie would do the same. Today though, she just giggled, listening to her brothers argue.

She couldn’t open her eyes. The light hurt her. So she waited for her brothers to be done, for Enzie to focus his attention to her and give her her sunglasses.

Then, the four kids sat on the beds to have their breakfast, taking out the bags hiding under their beds. Years ago, way before Vivie was born, Enzie had decided that they should all hide their fruits and snacks in the bedroom instead of in the kitchen where Mamma could take them, and the others obeyed.

Enzie was always worried about food. Even though Mamma brought enough for them to eat everyday if they shared in small portions, Enzie insisted that it was never enough, that kids like them needed more than that. He always told them that, if they found something to eat, they should eat until they were full and share if some was left. As a result, Bettie and Donnie often brought food back from their lunch at school.

As for Enzie, how he always found something for the three of them was a mystery. Vivie had heard Bettie get angry at her brother more than once, accusing him of stealing food and talking about how he was going to end up in prison. But then Enzie would show what he got her, and she would stop yelling. But Vivie could see that she was still angry, and it made her sad too. Vivie heard that prison was bad, that the people who went left for a long time.

Vivie didn’t want Enzie to go to prison.

Who would take care of her, if Enzie was not here ?

…

Despite her young age, Vivie would sometimes feel bad for Enzie. He was very nice and always helped her when she was upset. But was anybody helping him ? Enzie slept on the scratchy couch in the living-room to let Bettie have her own bed. He refused to eat until his siblings ate enough. He helped Bettie with her homework before doing his. He never slept if one of them wasn’t, willing to tell as many songs and story as needed. He always went outside with them to watch over them. If one of them needed something from Mamma, he would talk to her for them.

Vivie couldn’t talk that well yet. While she knew a few words, she was said to be behind on language. But while she couldn’t communicate, she could observe.

When she was at the nursery, Vivie would see the other children, the other families. She was told about how a family worked.

The parents took care of the children. The parents fed the children, helped them with their homework, told them bedtime stories, watched over them, cared for them, have a bed for each one of them.

Mamma didn’t do any of this. She never did.

Mamma was just there, in the house, with them. Enzie told them not to talk to her. She could be dangerous when she was bothered.

And yet, she would go to them sometimes. She would go outside with them, just walking ahead as she brought Donnie and Vivie to the closest playground. She would mention them on the phone. Vivie even saw her go to Bettie’s school play once.

But the rest of the time, she would be lying down somewhere in “her side” of the house, glaring when any of her children would come close all the while holding one of those bottles Enzie completely forbid them to touch. Or she would be out of the house, especially at night, going to what Vivie supposed was her job.

So, since she was never there, Enzie took care of them.

It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t how the other children lived. Enzie was not an adult, at least Vivie didn’t think so. Bettie said he was as much of a child as she was.

But Vivie couldn’t do anything about it. As of right now, all she could do was finish her morning snack, brush her teeth, let Enzie dress her up and follow her older siblings as they packed for school, listening to the same instructions Enzie gave them each day : “Don’t go with any strangers.”, “Listen to your teachers.”, “Don’t get in trouble.”

Maybe it wasn’t normal, but it was all that Vivie knew. And at the very least, she supposed it was better than nothing.

---------------

October 30, 2134

Vivie didn’t understand how she ended up here, on the examination table of the nearest doctor. She had been in the bedroom, getting yelled at by Donnie for taking his clothes. She always liked his clothes more than her own. But when Enzie arrived to investigate the noise, a confusion happened.

Donnie complained that Vivie took his yellow shirt and his red pants. And while Vivie couldn’t lie about that, she insisted that everything she was wearing was of the same color and that Donnie was using two words that meant the same thing. While Donnie and Vivie went back and forth about colors, Enzie went to pick up a few clothes. He then quickly interrupted his younger siblings, sat Vivie down and asked her to tell him the color of each outfit.

The four years-old was confused but decided to comply. Describing blue shirts, purple costumes and pink underwear. But then, there was the color of the clothes she was wearing, a color Vivie had heard being called by three different names : yellow, red and green.

Each time the clothes would have this color, she would use one of those words randomly, getting several huffs from Donnie, making her feel like she was doing something wrong.

After a few more, the thirteen years-old asked Donnie to close the blinds and turn off every light, which the six years-old quickly did. Then, Enzie requested that his sister remove her sunglasses.

They tried his game again, leading to the same results. The girl started sniffing while twirling one temple of her sunglasses. Was there something wrong with her ? Were her eyes wrong again ? Enzie was quick to hold her and calm her down, singing her her favorite lullaby.

Next thing Vivie knew, she was walked to the hospital by her brother. There, a doctor tried to look at her eyes with a light, leading to a lot of struggling from the young child. He then followed with a guessing game with numbers hidden inside colored circles. It was only then that the doctor explained what was wrong with her.

He called it “color-blindness”. It meant that she didn’t see colors the same way other people did, the same way her siblings did. In his explanation, the doctor mentioned how it was incredibly rare for a girl to be colorblind without any sibling or parent being colorblind as well. Enzie replied that he never questioned his parents about it. And while Mamma seemed able to see colors just fine, the teen had no idea if Papà was the same as her.

But, in any case, there was a way to partially fix this.

The doctor excused himself for a minute, letting the anxious teen and the fidgety child alone. Enzie went to sit next to his sister, who was quick to jump on his lap. He ran a finger through the toddler’s curly hair and she pressed her head against his chest. She smiled, feeling peaceful and safe in his arms.

When the doctor came back, he was holding a small pair of glasses with orange lens, along with two identical balls. Enzie stood back up and the doctor gave the plastic balls to the toddler, telling her to raise her head so that he could put the new glasses.

Once Vivie opened her eyes with the new glasses in place, she found herself squeal in surprise.

The balls in her hands, they weren’t the same color at all ! And those colors…had she even seen them before ?!

While the doctor was talking to her brother, Vivie kept putting the glasses on and off, noticing the immediate difference in colors. How could this even be ?!

But before she could ask any question, Enzie gave her the other pair of sunglasses, took her in his arms, thanked the doctor and left the office.

Vivie seated herself in her brother’s arms, the movement from his walking slowly rocking her to sleep.

“Vivie ?”, the teen’s voice took away the fog in her mind.

“huh ?”

“Did you like seeing those colors with the new glasses ?”

“uh-huh.”, the toddler nodded.

“Do you want to have glasses like that all the time.”

“Yes !”, she replied, her head snapping away from Enzie’s shoulder.

“Then this Saturday we’ll got get you a pair. Okay ?”

“Okay !”

“Good. Now let’s go back home before Donnie or Bettie get on mamma’s nerves.”

As the teenager walked at a fast pace, a new question arose in his sister’s mind.

“Enzie ?”

“Yes ?”

“Do you…you will fall down for my new glasses ?”, the toddler asked full of worry. Bettie had told her the story of how she got her sunglasses. Apparently, she had refused to open her eyes as a baby and, everytime Enzie asked mamma to go see a doctor, she refused. She “didn’t care enough”, Bettie said. So Enzie decided to give her a reason to go, and jumped from a window, forcing mamma to bring him to the hospital, where the then-child was able to convince the doctor to help Vivie.

“Will I…oh ! Oh no, don’t worry !”, the teenager’s laugh didn’t do anything to ease Vivie’s worry. She pouted.

“Do not get hurt !”, she insisted.

“I promise you Vivie, we’re just going to go to a store. I…”, he looked away. “I can get the money for it…I mean…I’m sure mamma wouldn’t mind losing a few euros…”

“Mamma will help ? With no you falling ?”

“She will.”, Enzie assured. “And I won’t fall. Don’t worry about it, piccolina. Everything’s going to be alright.”

---------------

July 4, 2136

Vivie was hiding in a closet. She had done it again. She had taken Donnie’s clothes.

It was something she did a lot, something she had done for a long time now.

It wasn’t that she found it fun to annoy Donnie ! She just didn’t like her clothes. Bettie had tried to get her “good-looking girl clothes” with the little money they had for it, but Vivie couldn’t care less. She only wore the same few outfits, the ones that Bettie never called “girly”. The only “girly” thing she continuously wore was a heart-shaped pink hairclip, but only because it made her sister very happy.

She didn’t want “pretty girl clothes”, she liked Donnie’s clothes more, even if they were too big for her. She actually liked the size of these clothes, as she could flap her hands with the too-long sleeves of his winter shirts.

Sometimes, when Vivie wore his clothes, Donnie would just let it go and they’ll keep playing together. But other times, like today, Donnie got upset by it. And now, the seven years-old had gone to fetch their older brother.

So Vivie stayed hidden, not wanting to face Enzie’s anger. Las time she saw him, the fifteen years-old had been with Bettie, busy doing homework. And Enzie didn’t like being interrupted by their “small and stupid arguments”, as he once put it. Especially for homework. For the last year, he had been complaining more and more about how he never had the time to just sit down and work with three noisy kids running around and needing him left and right.

Still, it didn’t take long for the child to hear the sound of his footsteps getting louder and louder as he approached.

“Vivie !”, the older brother called.

“I’m not here !”, the five years-old replied. She heard her brother sigh.

“Vivie, come out there. We need to have a talk.”

“I don’t want to !”, another sigh.

“Vivie, I’m not mad at you. Just come out. I’m not going to yell.”

“...Promise ?”

“Promise.”

Tentatively, Vivie opened the closet’s door and caught sign of her brother. He was sitting on her and Donnie’s bed. As she opened the door a little more, he patted the space next to him.

She left the closet and went to sit on the bed. Enzie watched as the child scooted over towards him, looked at his face, scooted a little more, looked at him again and finally moved to sit on his knees.

“You want to talk ?”, Vivie asked.

The teen nodded.

“You’re not angry ?”

He shook his head. Vivie looked in front of her as she considered it. If Enzie wasn’t angry about the clothes, then why did he want to talk to her ? But her thoughts were interrupted by the fifteen years-old putting a hand in her hair, prompting his sister to snuggle against his chest.

“Polpetta ?”

“Yeah ?”

“Why do you keep stealing Donnie’s clothes ?”

“I don’t steal them.”, Vivie protested. “I wear them.”

“And why don’t you wear your clothes ? You don’t like them ?”, Enzie’s voice was calm and soft, though Vivie could still hear the sternness and tiredness his voice often carried.

The child shook her head as a reply.

“But you like Donnie’s clothes ?”

“Yes.”

“Why do you like them more than yours ?”

Vivie had to pause to think for a moment. With her worry from earlier and the drowsiness form feeling a hand play with her hair, she found it hard to think.

“Is it because of the colors ?”, Enzie continued. “Or the size ? Or is it because you have girl clothes ?”

“Yes ! That !”, she suddenly jerked.

“You don’t like girl clothes ?”

“Nuh-uh.”, she replied.

“Why not ?”

Vivie was back to thinking. Why didn’t she like girl clothes ? She knew she didn’t like it when Bettie called them girl clothes, but why ?

“Do you want me to tell you what I think ?”, Enzie asked with a smile. Vivie looked up at his face and the teen chuckled. “I think you don’t like girl clothes because you don’t like being a girl. Do you like being a girl ?”

Yet again, Vivie looked away with a frown as she tried to concentrate. Was it true ? Did she not like being a girl ?

Vivie didn’t like her girl clothes. She didn’t like people pointing at her and saying she was a girl. And everytime Bettie wanted to play with her, Vivie would refuse. She didn’t like playing dress-up with Bettie. She preferred to play marbles or yoyo with Donnie. Even at school, she tried and liked spending time with boys more than girls, even though the largest group of boys always rejected her.

But were all these feelings because she wasn’t a girl ?

“I dunno.”, she finally replied, looking at Enzie with a pleading look, as if her brother held all the answers.

“Let me put it that way.”, the teenager continued. “If you were a boy, would you be happy about it ? Just imagine yourself as a boy. With boy clothes. A boy’s voice. A boy’s name.”

Vivie did. She could picture herself among the other boys of kindergarten. She looked like them, talked like them, belonged with them. The thought made her smile. When she opened her eyes, she bounced, looking at her brother with a smile.

“I want to be a boy !”, she exclaimed.

“Are you sure ?”

Vivie nodded excitedly.

“Alright then.”, the teen shrugged. “Polpetta-to, since you’re so eager at the thought of being a boy, how about we got get the tablet downstair to find you an actual boy’s name ? And see if you like it ?”

Vivie jumped off of Enzie’s laps and ran downstairs, leaving the room before the teenager even had the time to stand up.

Half an hour later and the two siblings were still at the coffee table, Enzie reading through a list of names starting with the letter “v”. Vivie wanted a new name that sounded like her current one.

“Vittore ?”

“ummm. No.”

“What about Vladimir ?”

“…Maybe ?”

“We could call you Vladdie. Or Vaddie.”

“no.”

“Are you even sure you want a new name ? Maybe I was wrong earlier when I said you were a boy.”

“No ! You’re not wrong ! I’m a boy ! I want a boy’s name ! Just like you and Donnie !”

“Alright then.”, the teen sighed. He mumbled something.

“huh ?”

“Nevermind. How abou-“

“What are you two doing ?”, Vivie’s head perked up at the sound of Bettie’s voice. The eleven years-old was on top of the stairs, trying to look at the tablet over Enzie’s shoulder.

“Looking for a name for our little brother over here.”, the teen replied. “Where’s Donnie ?”

“In the bedroom.”, Bettie walked down the stairs. “You know Enzie, when I complained that Vivie acts like she wants to be a boy instead of being stuck as a girl, I was joking.”

“Maybe you were but he wasn’t. At least I think.”

he…their brother… Vivie liked being called that.

“Then…it looks like I don’t have a little sister after all.”, Bettie commented with a hint of sadness in her voice. This made Vivie frown. Sh-…He didn’t want to make his sister sad.

“Maybe not,”, the oldest brother defended. “but instead, you have a great little brother.”

“I guess…”, she went to stand near Vivie, her younger brother. “So,”, she continued. “you’re looking for a boy’s name ?”

“Uh-huh !”, the child replied.

“Found anything you like yet ?”

“We’re trying.”, Enzie replied, putting his head back onto the list.

With the teen’s attention away, Bettie turned back to Vivie.

“Say, once you’re done with that, how about we go return your clothes and buy you better ones ?”

“Yes !”, Vivie jumped in his seat. That’s when he remembered the hairclip he was still wearing. He took it off and presented it to Bettie. “For you.”, he explained. “I won’t wear it now. But you like it. So you should wear it.”

Bettie smiled. “Alright. Whatever you say, patatino.”, she looked at Enzie. “Found other names ?”

“You have Vivaldo, Vidone, Vezio, Vincenzo or Vincent in English,-”

“Vincenzo ?”, for some reason, the name stuck with him. Vincenzo…

“Do you like it ?”, Bettie asked. Vivie nodded. “You want to be called Vincenzo ?”

“I think so…yeah…yes ! I want to be Vincenzo !”

“Finally !”, Enzie sighed, dropping the tablet on the table. The two younger siblings just stared at him, until he glanced back and smirked. Bettie laughed.

“Let’s go return your old clothes, Vincenzo.”, the sister said, already on the move.

“Coming !”, the youngest sibling jumped to follow but was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. Enzie ruffled his hair with a smile.

“Hope you’re going to enjoy being a boy, Vinnie.”

When the evening came, there was one last thing to do.

Vincenzo…Vinnie was standing in the doorway, his fingers tapping the wall as he anxiously watched Enzie walking towards Mamma. The woman was in the kitchen, making herself one of those drink Enzie prevented them to touch.

“…Claudia ?”, the teen asked.

“You know better than to bother me, Enzo.”, Mamma replied in a sharp tone without looking up from her bottle. She took a sip while Enzie seemed to gather his courage.

“It’s about-“

“Enzo.”, Mamma warned. Vinnie didn’t miss how her hand moved to the top of the bottle and he shivered, grabbing the wall. He knew exactly what mamma could do when she was angry.

“Vinnie is a boy, not a girl !”, the fifteen years-old blurted out before taking a few steps back.

Mamma turned around and glared at her son, but she didn’t make a move to hit him. Still, this didn’t make Vinnie feel any less tense.

“Vivie…Viviana. His name is Vincenzo now. He’s a boy.”, Enzie continued with a firmer voice.

Mamma’s gaze seemed to lose some of its anger, though she still gave the teen a dirty look. After a few seconds, she glanced at the child at the door and Vinnie froze. She started to make her way towards him, almost instantly followed by Enzie who ran to his little brother, holding him protectively against his chest.

Mamma ignored him, her gaze on her youngest child. Vinnie looked down, gripping Enzie’s shirt in fear.

“Very well, Vincenzo. And please make your brother understand not to bother me when I’m busy or he’ll deeply regret this.”, and with that, she went to her bedroom, bottle in hand.

Once she was out of view, Enzie let out a deep sigh of relief and let go of his brother. Vinnie continued to cling on his shirt for a moment. He started crying and buried his head in Enzie’s chest, trying to cover his sobs. The older brother ran his fingers in Vinnie’s hair in a soothing motion.

“Shhh, let it all out. It’s okay to cry.”, Vinnie kept his head where it was, though his sobs became louder. “There you go. It’s alright. Everything’s alright.”, Enzie was right, and Vinnie knew it.

Vinnie had a new name. He had new clothes.

His siblings supported him.

Enzie told him that, if he did continue to feel like a boy, there could be a few changes for him to do once he’s older, at least if he wished to. Enzie promised he would do anything to make sure these changes happen.

But for now, they did everything that could be done.

They talked to mamma.

Mamma had accepted him.

…

He was going to be alright.

As long as he stayed away from mamma, as long as he kept listening to Enzie, everything was going to be fine.

---------------

March 22, 2137

Vinnie didn’t know what to make of Papà.

As far as the six years-old could remember, which wasn’t a lot, papà would show up from time to time starting in January. He would spend the afternoon talking to mamma, or going to her bedroom, and then he would leave.

Papà never stayed the entire night. He never showed up two days in a row.

And once spring was coming to an end, during the first days of July, he would leave and not come back for the rest of the year.

Vinnie was curious about the man. He was his papà after all ! But he never got to interact with him, never got to sit down and talk to him. He wanted to learn who he was, what he liked, why he was only here from time to time and why it was only during winter and spring…

Vinnie had tried asking his siblings about papà, but none of them gave him a satisfying answer.

Donnie was as lost as he was. He never had an opportunity to talk to papà, always afraid to run into mamma or to have Enzie yell at him for it.

Bettie looked at Vinnie with sad eyes, told him not to go see papà, that he was dangerous. When the brother asked why, the twelve years-old refused to answer.

As for Enzie…

Enzie didn’t like papà. He said papà was very dangerous, that he didn’t care about them, that the four kids shouldn’t waste their time with him.

Everytime the kids would stumble across him while walking through the house, papà would stop in his tracks to gaze at them with an indecipherable expression. Enzie would immediately shush his younger siblings away, all while glaring at the man. Sometimes, Vinnie would look at his papà and see him glare back at the teen.

While Vinnie didn’t know much about his papà, since he never got to interact with him, there was at least one thing he was sure of.

Enzie hated papà.

Papà hated Enzie.

And because of that, Enzie would never let his siblings approach him.

But one day, Vinnie got an occasion to talk to him.

Enzie was doing homework upstairs with Bettie. Now that the teenager was in high-school, and with the other siblings old enough to be unsupervised for a while, Enzie decided to spend more time working on his future. In the meantime, Bettie has chosen to step up and help him, looking after her younger siblings if needed.

But right now, neither of them was downstairs. Same thing for Donnie.

That was how Vinnie found himself peeking inside the living-room where his parents were. His papà was sitting on the couch with his arms and legs stretched out, while mamma seemed to be “making herself a drink” as Bettie called it. The child crouched down at the entrance and listened as his papà talked.

“-shouldn’t be there anyways.”

“You say the same thing every single year, Pietro. And yet, you always come crawling back to me. It’s been more than ten years. Just admit you can’t help it.”

“Just like you can’t help having your load of kids ? Do you have any idea how much they cost me ?!”

“You can stop sending me money any time you want.”, Vinnie could almost hear the laugh in her voice. “But I don’t think your little family will take it very well once I go to ask them for my money.”

Papà grumbled and looked away from her. “You’re the shittiest human being I ever met, Claudia. I hope you know that.”

“You’re no better yourself. Lying and cheating at any given chance. Honestly it’s a miracle she still doesn’t suspect a thing. You two really found each other. So naïve and in denial of the truth about the world. ~ ”

As mamma kept smirking and teasing papà, the man was getting more and more angry. Vinnie could see his hands gripping on the sofa, as if trying to rip it off. This made the child tense up at the prospect of his parents fighting.

“What now ?”, mamma suddenly spat in annoyance. The two adults glanced at Vinnie, and that’s when he realized that he had been anxiously tapping on the doorway’s wall, giving himself away with his noise.

“Umm…hi…”, Vinnie said in a quiet voice, waving awkwardly. Now that he had been caught spying, he might as well show himself more. Who knew, maybe this would be his only occasion ever to talk to papà !

Mamma just huffed and went back to pour her glass, while papà kept his eyes on the child.

“This is the youngest one, right ?”, papà asked. “Viviana ?”

“Vincenzo.”, mamma corrected before Vinnie could. “Turns out your daughter was a son this whole time.”

“And you changed her-his name, without my permission ?!”

“If you have a problem with that, you can talk to Enzo about it.”

Papà looked down, teeth gritted. “This child should learn a little respect.”, he spat.

“Have fun telling him that.”, mamma replied, completely impassive.

“Why don’t you at least try to teach that boy anything ?!”

“I don’t know. Why do you suddenly care about these children ?”, she shrugged. “Besides, Enzo’s almost an adult. He’s not my problem anymore.”

“You’re going to throw him out ?”

“He intends to throw himself out.”, mamma explained. “But maybe if you give us more financial support, he would have half a mind to stay.”, she joked. Papà was not amused at all.

The man punched the couch and fell silent, looking away from the mother and son. For a few moments, Vinnie just stood there, observing the man with hesitation. He knew he should be leaving, now. If Enzie saw him there, his older brother would kill him. But right now, as he felt so close to having a moment with the older man, his curiosity to meet his father was stronger than his fear of consequences.

Eventually, Vinnie saw papà’s fists unclench. This prompted the child to try and make a move. With hope to finally have a conversation with the man, Vinnie tentatively walked to the couch. When the man didn’t move, Vinnie put a hand on his knee.

Still no reaction.

Getting more and more hopeful, the six years-old hopped on his knees. Papà still didn’t move.

Well, it seemed like Vinnie had to start the conversation.

“I…um…”, Vinnie had his hands on his own knees, opening and closing his legs awkwardly as he thought of what to say. “I’m…I’m not Vivie anymore. I’m Vinnie now.”

No response.

After a few seconds, Vinnie started wondering if maybe his siblings were right. If maybe it would be better to just let it go and leave, especially seeing the dirty look mamma was giving him. But before the child could move, something he didn’t expect happened.

Papà put a hand on his back.

Vinnie froze and looked up. The man still wasn’t looking at him.

Without much thinking, Vinnie pressed his face against papà’s chest. Suddenly, the hand on his back start moving, reaching his shoulder and slowly rubbing it.

Vinnie looked up as papà looked down at his face. The child smiled but his gesture wasn’t reciprocated. The older man just seemed to study his face, keeping the same neutral expression.

Vinnie had no idea how much time wet by before papà decided to open his mouth.

“Why are you wearing those ?”, he asked, tapping the corner of Vinnie’s sunglasses.

Vinnie felt himself ready to jump in happiness. Papà was talking to him ! They were having an actual conversation ! He could learn more about him !

But instead, Vinnie did his best to stay calm, letting his only sign of excitement be the rapid movement of his legs. He really didn’t want to ruin the moment.

Besides, thinking of how papà had acted earlier made the child feel intimidated by the man.

“It’s..for my eyes.”, he explained. “The light is bad for my eyes. So I need to wear those. I also can’t see every color without them.”

“How did you get the money for that ?”, the man asked, glancing at mamma. “Why wasn’t I told about this ?”

“You would have known already if you spent more time here taking care of your children, since you suddenly seem to love them so much.”, she replied in a sharp tone. “Or would it be too suspicious for your dearest missus ? ~ ”

Papà didn’t replied, instead looking back at the child still in his lap. Vinnie didn’t really know what the adults were talking about, and he had a feeling it wasn’t something he was supposed to understand. If anybody were to take care of it, it would be Enzie.

Vinnie was still in his thoughts when papà lifted his head with a finger, taking a better look at his eyes. Remembering his experience at school, Vinnie instinctively grabbed the sides of his glasses in case papà tried to remove them.

“Your eyes…”, the man commented. “They’re different colors ?”

“Uh ? Oh ! Oh yes they are !”, Vinnie was quick to reply. He smiled again, seriously wondering why Enzie was so against them talking to papà. Sure, the man was a bit scary when talking with mamma, but at least he seemed to care about his son. More than mamma at least…Or, well, when he was around at least…

“Vincenzo ?”, papà was moving a hand in front of Vinnie’s face.

“Uh ? Oh ! right ! My eyes !”, Vinnie quickly pointed to his left eye, tapping the glass. “This one is blue. And this one-“, he pointed to his right eye. “is brown. Just like yours !”, he commented with a smile.

“…Sure.”

The man fell silent again and Vinnie looked down, trying to find another thing to say.

“…Sa-“

“VINNIE !”

Vinnie froze at the familiar and booming sound of his oldest brother’s voice.

Uh oh…

“Enz-“, papà tried.

“YOU GET AWAY FROM HIM !”

Enzie ran into the room, snatched the six years-old away and walked out, all while looking at the older man with a murderous stare. Vinnie was able to give one last glance at his parents before the door closed, seeing papà stare in confusion and anger at Enzie while mamma walked towards the man with the same impassive expression, as if she had expected something like that to happen.

With the door now closed, Enzie put his attention onto the scared child.

“WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING BEING WITH THEM ?!”

“I…I just wanted to talk to papà…”, Vinnie sheepishly replied, his head down.

“THAT MAN IS DANGEROUS, VINNIE !”

“But we were just talkin-“

“VINNIE !”

Vinnie fell quiet, finding himself unable to meet his brother’s gaze. He instead focused on the underside of the shirt he was gripping on.

After a few moments, Enzie managed to regain his composure. He sighed.

“Listen, Vinnie. I know you just want to talk to papà, but that man is a bad person. I’ve seen him hurt mamma before, he’s as dangerous as she is, if not more.”, Enzie lifted Vinnie’s head. “I just want you to be safe, polpetto, alright ?”, Vinnie nodded, still avoiding Enzie’s eyes. “Good.”, Enzie kissed his forehead. “Now let’s get back upstairs, alright ? I think I can already hear Donnie calling for you. ~ ”, the teen said in a way that Vinnie knew was an attempt to light up the mood.

“…Alright.”

Enzie held Vinnie’s hand as he led him to his bedroom. Vinnie just followed in silence, stuck into his own mind.

Enzie was a good person. He took care of Bettie, Donnie and him.

Enzie hated papà, and papà hated Enzie.

But did that really mean that papà was a bad person ?

Was there really no way he could prove that papà was better than Enzie thought ?

…

…Will Vinnie ever get the occasion to talk to him again ?

---------------

April 10, 2137

Enzie and Bettie talked a lot when they were doing homework. Sometimes, Vinnie would hide behind the office’s door to listen to them.

They talked about all kinds of topics. From school to the girls Bettie liked to even Donnie and Vinnie and how annoying the brothers could be at times, making the older duo feel exhausted.

But other times, they would talk about their parents, about how they felt about them.

It was obvious that Enzie hated those kinds of talks. But at the same time, he always seemed to use Bettie’s curiosity as an occasion to tell her to avoid being around them.

Bettie mostly asked questions about the relationship between her parents and why they acted the way they did. Enzie answered as best as he could, but even he barely knew about them.

However, among the flow of questions Vinnie heard Bettie ask, one in particular stood out to him.

Does mamma have other men in her life ? Does the four of us come from the same papà ?

When she asked this, Bettie was mostly talking about Donnie and how different the eight years-old looked compared to his siblings.

Curious, Vinnie started to pay attention to the facial features of his family and, soon enough, the six years-old understood what his sister meant :

Out of all of them, Donnie was the only one who didn’t look like papà at all.

Enzie was almost a perfect replica of papà. He had the man’s square chin and nose, his thick eyebrows that were more than often furrowed, along with papà’s curly hair that, in Enzie’s case, was slowly growing past his shoulders. Vinnie wondered how much the sixteen years-old hated looking so much like the man he despised more than anyone else. The only real difference between the men was color, with Enzie having mamma’s black hair and blue eyes where papà had brown eyes and light brown hair.

Vinnie was the second closest to papà. Just like Enzie, he had his old man’s chin, nose and curly hair, though his chin wasn’t as pronounced as his oldest brother. Vinnie even had a brown eye and brown hair, even if his hair was darker than papà’s. Aside from that, the child had one blue eye, like mamma’s, and his eyebrows were not as thick as papà’s or Enzie’s.

Bettie, on the other hand, was more of a mix of her parents. While she had a square chin, it was less pronounced, like for Vinnie. She also had mamma’s smaller nose and eyebrows. For the rest, it was all papà’s. She had his brown eyes and curly hair, which she almost always tied into a bun.

Finally, there was Donnie, who couldn’t be more alike to mamma. He had her rounder head, smaller nose, thin eyebrows and her long straight raven hair that he kept in a ponytail. The only thing that made him different from her, aside from height, voice and personality, was his brown eyes that deferred from her ocean blue ones. Though, as Bettie had pointed it out, a lot of people had brown eyes. From her point of view, any man with brown eyes could be Donnie’s father.

Vinnie never talked about it to Donnie. He didn’t feel the need to.

Even if he did wonder sometimes if they had the same father, it didn’t change the fact that Donnie was his big brother. That Donnie was his best friend and favorite playmate.

Papà or not, Vinnie loved Donnie as much as he loved Bettie and Enzie. If not more.

---------------

November 15, 2138

Today was the day.

It was Enzie’s 18th birthday. The day everything was going to get better. The day they were finally getting away from mamma and papà !

The oldest brother had been talking about it to his siblings for months. Now that he was an adult, he could “have custody of you three instead of losing you to the system”, as he said. Vinnie wasn’t sure if he fully understood what Enzie meant. At least there was one thing he was sure of.

Enzie was trying to protect them no matter the cost. He was willing to do anything for them.

That’s what led the four of them into a lawyer’s office.

Mamma was there with them. As far as Vinnie knew, she hadn’t shown any objections to her son’s decision and even wanted to help his case, claiming that the fastest the trial would go, the less money she would have to waste.

Mamma was sitting in one of the two chairs of the small office. Vinnie and Donnie were sharing the second one, the two oldest siblings standing between them and their mother. Vinnie was bouncing his legs, squirming a bit in his chair. Several times, Bettie gently nudged him, telling him to stand still, but he simply couldn’t do it.

He was bored.

Enzie and the lawyer were talking things Vinnie didn’t understand. And when he understood, his mind would quickly end up zoning out. He mostly thought about how papà was supposed to be here, wondering what was taking the man so long.

He wished he had his toys with him right now. Or anything else that could distract him.

It was during a short moment of focus that Vinnie heard the footsteps coming from the hall, getting louder and louder.

The door busted open, revealing a woman the eight years-old had never met before. She had long frizzy brown hair that was slowly falling back on her shoulders after her running. As she entered the room, she pushed her glasses back onto her nose and looked around until her emerald eyes landed on mamma. She glared at the black-haired lady.

“I had to see it with my own eyes to believe it !”, the new woman said.

“Missus Dakota, I presume ?”, mamma replied. She was sitting cross-legged, her arms folded and her eyes closed, seemingly completely unfazed by what was happening. This confused Vinnie. How could she be so calm when some stranger was yelling at her ?

The child, on the other hand, was glancing in fear at the new lady. When the door had opened, he instinctively took hold of Donnie’s shirt. The ten years-old had been quick to return the gesture. Meanwhile, Bettie had gotten closer to the chair while Enzie stood between the three of them and the door, arms stretched protectively.

“To think this all went under my nose for EIGHTEEN YEARS !”, the lady continued. Vinnie’s grip on his brother’s shirt tightened. The lady was taller than mamma, somehow making her even more intimidating in the moment.

Before mamma could reply, new footsteps could be heard outside. Despite the commotion in the room, all eyes turned towards the door. Two children peeked inside the room. They looked around the same ages as Donnie and Vinnie. But more importantly, their features looked awfully familiar to Vinnie.

Enzie was the first to react.

“Who the hell are you ?!”, he yelled, pointing at the two children. “Who are all of you and what are you doing here ?!”

Before the lady could answer, papà finally arrived, looking at her with an uncertain gaze.

“Serena, you shouldn-“, he tried gently.

“DON’T YOU TRY FINDING EXCUSES !”, the lady replied, her anger now directed towards papà. “HOW DARE YOU HIDE ME ALL THIS ?!”, she continued to yell, cutting papà everytime he was opening his mouth.

Vinnie started feeling tears form at the corner of his eyes. He was scared. Overwhelmed. He had no idea what was happening aside from “the adults are all fighting”. So naturally, the eight years-old turned his attention towards the one new adult that was always there when he was feeling upset. He moved to sit with his chest against the chair’s back, gripping it tightly. From here, he had a good view of his eldest brother.

Surely Enzie had the solution to all this. Surely he could make it all better.

At least, that was what Vinnie hoped.

The oldest brother was looking between the different adults in disbelief. Suddenly, he froze with a look of horror, as if he had just understood something really, really bad.

“YOU HAD A WIFE THIS WHOLE TIME ?!”

Somehow, Enzie’s booming voice managed to quiet the fighting. The lady -Serena- looked at him in confusion for a second, until her face bared the same shocked expression as the oldest brother.

“You didn’t know…?”, her whisper was barely audible. She glanced at the rest of the siblings. “None of you did…?”, while Vinnie believed she was still angry and could blow at any instant, he felt like there was a hint of sadness in her voice. Was she feeling pity for them ? Why for ? What did Enzie meant ? With everything happening, Vinnie found himself unable to follow.

“Bettina.”, mamma suddenly interrupted. Serena’s expression immediately darkened, as if she had just remembered the other woman was in the room. “Why don’t you take your younger siblings outside ? The adults are talking, and there’s already enough shouting as it stands.”

“I…um”, Bettie glanced at Enzie. The older brother put a hand on her shoulder and Vinnie could hear him whisper “go”. “Alright. Yeah.”, she turned to the boys still on the chair. “Come on, ometti. Let’s go to that playground we saw on the way in.”

Donnie and Vinnie shared a confused look before getting down the chair. The room was deadly silent as Bettie took their hands and led them out, under the adults’ gazes.

Right before the door closed behind them, Vinnie turned around one last time, seeing the adults ready to go at it again under the confused and concerned look of the lawyer.

He hoped Enzie would be alright…

--------------

December 3, 2138

The case had been taken into court. There had been a trial already, during which each sibling had been asked to testify about their living conditions. The younger trio spent their entire time talking about how their oldest brother had been taking care of them for as long as they could remember.

Vinnie didn’t know how to feel about all this. He had a hard time understanding everything. But most importantly, he was getting impatient.

It was obvious that mamma was bad at taking care of them. Why couldn’t the judge see it already ? They should already be on the road by now ! The eight years-old and his brother Donnie had already started to pack. Somehow, they hoped it could make things go faster.

The whole situation had also taken a toll on Vinnie’s grades. He already had trouble at school, between barely finding the motivation to do any homework unless someone was helping him and being seen by his teachers as agitated, more so than the other kids. And now that he had to worry about where he will end up soon, Vinnie simply couldn’t help zoning out in class to think about it.

And after the first trial, it only grew worse.

His teachers had gotten angry and started punishing him for it.

Vinnie couldn’t wait for Enzie to take them away.

…

…Enzie…

These last weeks, the older brother had been…distant. He spent all of his free-time in the office, working on his case. He only helped his siblings with basic things. Mostly food.

But more than that, the eighteen years-old had gotten more aggressive towards his parents since that day in the lawyer’s office. He couldn’t stand being downstairs if mamma was around. He was insulting them at any given chance, including during the trial they had had.

Enzie was also trying to get things to go as fast as possible. He absolutely wanted to leave before spring, before papà was around again.

Or so Vinnie thought he did.

According to Bettie, papà wasn’t going to ever come back home. At first, when the youngest brothers asked why, she refused to answer.

It had been like this ever since the day they met the lawyer. When they came back home that day, Enzie locked himself in a room, eventually letting Bettie in to tell her everything. The two then refused to explain the situation to their brothers.

That was, until one day.

Enzie had come back home, looking more stressed than usual. When Bettie went to ask if everything was alright, he snapped at her -something about their parents being the absolute worst-, and went to lock himself in the office. After that, Bettie had gone back to the bedroom, clearly upset by it all. And when Donnie and Vinnie asked her what Enzie meant, she told them the truth that forever changed Vinnie’s perception of his father :

Their parents never loved them. They never wanted them. At least, not the way they were meant to be wanted.

Their mother was a drug dealer, a criminal. There wasn’t a single penny she earned honestly. Her whole life revolved around getting money through schemes.

As it turned out, having children had been one of those schemes.

Mamma and papà met in an alley, in the middle of the night. Mamma had been out to sell illegal substances. Papà had gotten bored being home alone. His wife, Serena Dakota, had a job that led her to leave the country between January and July. They hadn’t been married for long when mamma and papà met. Bettie said it might have been a reason for his actions.

Papà “wanted a good time”, as Bettie said. He was out to meet a few women, doing things the older sister refused to explain to her brothers.

It was while looking for those women that papà ran into mamma. And when she heard what he wanted, she decided to use the situation to her advantage.

“She held him at gunpoint.”, Bettie explained to them. “The first night, Mamma had looked to steal his phone while he was sleeping and found the wedding ring he had been hiding in his jacket. She used that to blackmail him once Enzie was on the way.”

At first, papà had been happy to spend time with mamma. But then, his wife came home and they had to stop seeing each other. A month later, mamma called him out of nowhere.

She was pregnant.

According to Bettie, this had never been papà’s plan. Mamma had promised him that she was being careful. But, as per usual, mamma lied.

Knowing the child was his, she had been able to get money from him, threatening to reveal his secret to his wife. In exchange, papà only asked for two things : being the one to name them, and being able to visit them whenever.

The money had been the reason why mamma would sometimes go out with them or make sure they had good enough clothes or even prevent any of them from dying. She had to pretend like she liked her children. She needed people to believe they were one happy family, or else someone could call child services and “take away her safest source of income”. And while papà visiting them wasn’t part of her plan, it still at least helped her hiding the reality of her parenting.

Bettie believed that papà felt bad for them. The reason why he visited wasn’t because mamma forced him to be there. Sometimes, he just wanted to see his children, make sure they were still alive and well.

This was no excuse.

Even with Enzie’s warryness, he had had dozens of chances to talk to them, to be there for them.

At any moment, he could have said the truth to his wife. Instead, he lied to her. He kept her in the dark and made sure she still loved him. He had children with her, children he took care of. Children he loved.

Children he had chosen the name of years before they were born. Names he made sure none of his “other kids” had.

As he was hearing the truth, Vinnie felt like his parents had just thrown one of their bottles on his body, the glass piercing through his chest. For the following hour after Bettie finished explaining, Vinnie had felt empty. He ended up lying in Bettie’s arms, completely frozen, completely unfazed by the world around him.

Enzie was right.

Enzie had always been right.

Their parents were dangerous. Their parents never loved them. Their parents couldn’t care any less about them.

There was no point trying to get their attention, trying to get their affection. They were heartless. They never had the space in their hearts for him.

Vinnie was an unwanted child. They all were.

They were children born from an affair. Used by their monstrous mother to get money from their unconcerned father.

Enzie had been right all along.

…

From now on, Vinnie would listen to Enzie. He would listen to everything his older brother says.

Unlike his parents, Enzie loved him. Enzie wanted what was best for him.

Enzie was the only parent he needed.

---------------

March 22, 2139

“It had been clear for a long time now that Ms. Claudia Drowssap and Mr. Pietro Dakota are not fit to take care of their biological children. However, the question of whether or not Mr. Enzo Dakota could take care of said children had yet to be answered. Today, we have chosen an answer to this question.

While we still remain uncertain of his abilities to provide for them, this court had been told that Mr. Dakota found job opportunities along with possible apartments in Napoli. Furthermore, it is painfully obvious that Mr. Dakota is incredibly attached to his siblings and had been their only anchor for most of their life. For their own well-being as well as his, we believe that separating the four of them is out of the question.

Thus, this court is ready to give its judgment. The custody of the present Bettina, Donatello and Vincenzo Dakota will be granted to their brother Mr. Enzo Dakota. Their parents, Ms. Claudia Drowssap and Mr. Pietro Dakota, will have to repair their inaptitude by paying child support for the next five years. Furthermore, Ms. Drowssap and Mr. Dakota Sr are not to be allowed to visit their children. Finally, they will not be able to keep any other child they may have in the future.

If Mr. Dakota Jr decides to file a claim for child abuse, more consequences might come their way.

This court is adjourned.”

Vinnie couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

They did it.

They really did it !

The banging of the gavel resonated across the room, announcing the end of this session. The end of their last session. Vinnie jumped out of his seat, seeing from the corner of his eyes that he wasn’t the only one. As soon as the way was cleared enough, Bettie and Donnie ran towards Enzie. The youngest sibling immediately followed suit.

They jumped into his arms, all smiles and laughs. Even after they pulled away, the happy chatter remained. Bettie congratulated Enzie excitedly while Donnie was holding onto her, pushing her back and forth. Vinnie himself was jumping in place, his fists shaking left and right in excitement.

They were finally free ! They could finally get away from mamma and papà !

After a few more moments of celebration, Enzie led the group outside. They had to go home and pack up. The oldest brother told them they would leave as soon as possible.

“ENZO !”

The siblings had barely finished walking down the stairs when they saw papà walking towards them. The man was walking fast, teeth gritted and fists clenched, looking at his oldest son with a murderous glare.

Enzie stood in front of his younger siblings, shielding them with his arms. Afraid, Vinnie went to hug Donnie. When papà was only a few steps away, the eight years-old closed his eyes. He heard the footsteps stop, followed by ruffling and a short grunt. Vinnie felt Donnie tense.

“Are you happy with yourself ?! Are you proud of what you did ?!”

Vinnie dared opening his eyes and almost gasped. Papà had grabbed Enzie by the collar.

“Because of you, I lost my wife ! I lost my home ! I might even lose my job ! All because YOU decided to get involved in MY business !”

“All I did was trying to survive !”, Enzie replied, returning papà’s glare. “I’ll never apologize for that.”

“YOU RUINED MY LIFE !”

“YOU RUINED YOUR OWN LIFE !”, Enzie pushed papà away from him. The older man raised a fist but didn’t hit his son. Instead, he looked as the younger trio protectively put their hands on Enzie.

“Go.”, Bettie spoke up with a shaking voice. “Leave us alone.”

“…”, papà’s glare was now directed at the four of them. “You are all nothing but a bunch of ungrateful bastards.”, he growled.

“What should we be grateful for ?”, Vinnie surprised himself by deciding to speak. He knew he shouldn’t. Papà was dangerous, he could clearly see it right now. Enzie had been right about that, just like for anything else. And Enzie had told him never to talk to papà again.

And yet, the child couldn’t stop the words from flowing out of his mouth.

“Have you ever done anything to us ?! Have you ever cared for us ?! DO YOU EVEN LOVE US ?!”

Vinnie felt tears stream down his cheeks. He started sobbing.

“Vinnie…”, Donnie murmured. The ten years-old held his younger sibling. “shhh. It’s okay.”, he soothed. “It’s okay to cry.”, Donnie let a hand gently run into Vinnie’s hair, copying the way their oldest brother comforted them. The youngest sibling leaned into the embrace, crying into Donnie’s shirt. When he tried opening his eyes, he noticed that papà was looking away, seemingly more upset than angry after what his son said.

Enzie was the one to break the silence.

“You’re dead to us.”, he spat. “Don’t ever try to see us again, or they’ll be consequences. And if you don’t keep paying for support, I’ll sue for the child neglect.”, he threatened. “If you think your life is already ruined, you’re not ready for the hell I’m ready to put you through if you ever DARE try anything against us.”

The two men glared at each other for what felt like forever. Enzie’s last words kept replaying in Vinnie’s head. He wondered with dread how serious his older brother was, how far he was willing to go for them.

Finally, after a painfully long silence, papà started to back away. He walked a certain distance, glared at his chil- at them one last time, and turned away.

Enzie snorted. “Come on.”, he told his siblings. “Let’s go home. We have a lot to do if we want to leave.”

The oldest brother started to walk away, soon followed by his sister. Donnie and Vinnie looked at each other as they pulled away from their hug, before finally following the older duo.

As he followed the group, Vinnie couldn’t help but look around him, look back at the older man.

From afar, the eight years-old noticed mamma. She was looking at the man as well.

Despite everything that had happened, she was smiling.

-------------------------

Note : Regarding Vinnie being trans, I’m well-aware that someone doesn’t “become” a boy, they’ve always been one. But since Vinnie is 5 when he realizes that he’s a man, the characters simplify it to “becoming a boy” so that Vinnie can understand easily.

Italian translations :

Mamma : mom

Papà : dad

Piccolina : little one (female)

Polpetto : meatball (apparently it’s a nickname for young kids/siblings)

Patatino : little potato (for some reason I love this nickname)

Ometto : little man (ometti is plural)

Piccino : tiny one

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kannra21 · 4 years

Text

Daisuzu after ep11 💴💗

OK we have Hoshiharu as well surprise surprise! @innovativestruggles this is your request of Suzue inviding Daisuke's bed at night so here ya go~ *there's a moment you'll think it'd turn into something explicit but in reality it's not so enjoy!*

That night Daisuke went to bed earlier after completing his business commitments, he was tired and reluctant of doing any other sorts of activities. He changed into his gray pajamas, brushed his teeth and tucked himself under the sheets, the same sheets Suzue brought him under a couple of days ago and he smiled a little. Now that he remembered it, it reminded him of the embarrassment he needed to undergo in order to avoid HEUSC's curiosity of trying to collect data on the things they were discussing during their stay at the mansion.

At least he was glad that everything was over; Kikuko was arrested, the AL was handed to MCPTF and everyone threw a big party to celebrate another marvelous win in the name of justice. Daisuke stayed just for a little bit because Kato and Hoshino got so drunk that they tied ties around their heads, climbed on the table and started singing incomprehensibly and although it looked funny, it wasn't for a person like him, the millionaire detective who got used to high-end types of gatherings. Besides, he couldn't allow himself to pass out in front of so many people, Kato was an exception though and it stayed at that.

When he arrived home, it was the first time that Suzue saw him after everything they've been going through. She stood at the entrance expectantly but refused to move any further because, although she felt enormous happiness upon seeing him coming back safe, she wanted to respect his boundaries and not to let her feelings get to her. Nonetheless, she couldn't completely deny them and that was prominent when the tears she was holding in for so long started falling down her face. Daisuke approached her with a bottle of Dom Perignon Champagne from 1973 and hugged her as if his life depended on it. The guilt of worrying her so much during their fight at the ship made him realize just how much Suzue meant to him and he wanted to let her know.

They drank the champagne in elegant thin glasses while the fireplace radiated with beautiful autumn-like atmosphere inside of their royal mansion. They talked and Suzue couldn't keep her hand away from his which Daisuke didn't mind. In fact, it made him calm and he felt a certain warmth filling his heart. He finally felt free after a long time; his days weren't boring and hollow anymore, his mother's murder has finally been solved and he made sure to check on his old man once a week. The doctors told him to give him some time for recovery since his memory was still damaged from the way Kikuko locked him out. Daisuke listened to their instructions and hoped for the best, everything he wanted was talk to his father the way he always used to.

Seeing Suzue's concerned expression made him sympathize and he invited her to sit with him on the sofa. Suzue blushed on the suggestion but she got up and sat down on his lap, with her legs crossed to his right. He placed one hand on her back while the other held her hand on her lap. Suzue leaned against his chest and Daisuke watched her eyes from below. She was beautiful like this and he snuggled his head into her right shoulder.

"He's going to be alright, I have a good feeling about this." Daisuke reassured.

"I can't believe that Mrs. Kikuko held him like this for 19 years. The sole thought of us sharing the same space during your absence sent chills down my spine."

"I know but now she's in a place where she belongs and you're safe. Please stop worrying, you've been doing this all day long."

He kissed her shoulder and she leaned her head on his.

"I know but it's hard to believe after everything we've been going through. She was so nice and I trusted her."

"Yes but she never really loved us. Everything she ever did was taking care of her own interests, money and adollium. And it meant so much more to her than my mother’s life or my father's well-being. This entire family was suffering because of her and her obsession with materialism clouded her mind."

...

"But that's why I have you and from now on there will never be a day where my motivations won't be aimed at anything else but our own happiness."

Suzue kissed him and this was actually the first time they ever shared a moment like this. Their lips parted and they looked at each other with big surprised eyes. Suzue started apologizing and getting up from her position but Daisuke pulled her back and kissed her more passionately. Suzue couldn't believe that he truly returned her feelings. After so many dangers and so many missions, he decided to show affection on the most carefree of events. He wasn't drunk, but she truly couldn't tell since his face was just as flush as when he used to exaggerate with his drink or two and she laughed a little. The blush was a nice contrast to his deep blue eyes and she leaned closer to capture his lips again but then he turned her around on her back and now she was laying on the sofa while he was hovering above her. He started to remove his waistcoat but then Suzue interrupted

"Don't you love this sofa? You're always talking about it as if it's one of your favorite items in the house."

Daisuke laughed under his breath, way to ruin the moment.

"I can buy a new sofa but I can't buy you. You are irreplaceable, my dear. Is that a satisfying enough reason for you?"

"Hm yes I think you're ri-" Daisuke caught her lips once again and continued leaving trails down her neck and collar bone.

Suzue removed his black striped tie, he unbuttoned her taupe-colored coat and the moment the situation started to heat up, Daisuke's phone ringed and he picked it up annoyingly.

On the other line was Kato who was talking somewhat slurishly "Kambe.. bout our movin' to England.. I just remembered bout the visas.. and travel insurance. I need to check everythin' before the final term.. so tell me when do you plan on leavin'. I be wantin' to do everything on time."

"You're planning on doing this drunk?"

"I'm not DRUNK Kambe.. I can still stand!"

"Congratulations on being one with the mankind, Kato-keibu."

Hoshino answered from the other side "Kambe-san! Please take care of sempai.. And don't let him go too far. You know how he can be."

"What does that even mean Hoshi?!" Haru sounded offended.

"Nothing.. besides the fact that you're reckless af.. which is hot."

"Reallyyyyyy~" Haru teased him and rustling could be heard through the phone.

"Guys can you leave the snogging for another time? I have something important to do."

"W-w-who is snogging?!" Hoshino sounded flustered.

"Who are you doing? Suzue-san?" Haru teased.

"It's really none of yo-"

"Ah-ah, don't try to deny it Kambe. I saw you two comin' from your room.. looking like a MESS!"

"Wait really?! Hoshino exclaimed surprised."

"Yup."

"I thought the two were related.. they looked similar tho."

"We're getting this all the time, it's for Suzue's decoy." Daisuke said.

"Oooooooo!" the guys replied in unison and Daisuke massaged his temples. Why was he even talking to the two drunks?

"Anyways, Kato, you have a week before departure and in the meantime you'll be able to organize everything. If there's a problem with time management you can contact me and I'll pay for the insurance if needed."

"Thanks Kambe! In moments like this I completely forget what of an asshole you can be. Say hi to Suzue for me."

Daisuke ended the call and sighed in defeat. He turned around expecting Suzue on the sofa but she wasn't there, great.

She came from the kitchen carrying two cups of Twinings Pure Camomile Tea and handed him the cup.

"It's been a long day and I thought you might need something for the relaxation."

"I'm sorry for this."

Suzue pecked his lips and stroked the back of his neck "You know that I love you all the same, no matter what happens."

Daisuke leaned and pressed their foreheads together "I'm going to miss you so much."

"Why?" Suzue was confused.

"You need to relax too, you deserve it. What do you say about a nice little vacation while I'm fighting crimes in the UK?"

"In this case I want to be in England for the vacation. What if something happens and I won't be able to help?" Suzue pouted and Daisuke smiled softly, she was so cute.

"That's the point of the vacation dear, you're supposed to enjoy yourself more. I'll be fine," Daisuke touched his earing device "HEUSC, give me the most luxurious destination to spend holidays in."

"However you say."

"Are you sure about this? You won't mind?" Suzue asked concerned.

"Of course. Besides, you never really got the chance to relax since you were too preoccupied with my mother's case."

"Place of your interest: Bora Bora, French Polynesia." HEUSC replied.

"Here, I'll book you the rest and everything you have to do is take the stuff you'll need. Don't forget the sunscreen, the sun is really strong out there."

Suzue looked sheepishly at her fingers fiddling "Thank you, I don't want to come across as ungrateful but I'd really appreciate if you joined me one day. That is, if you ever find the time."

"It's going to be difficult since the crime rate is getting higher because of the adollium smuggle. It's another challenge for all of us, but we will overcome that as well."

He took her hands in his "So yes, I'll join you for a day or more."

"Good enough for me." Suzue smiled and hugged him and he returned with the same warmth and comfort. They stayed like this for some time while Suzue held her head on his shoulder. It was a feeling she never wanted to forget.

And that's how it came about. They entered their own rooms, did their nightly routine and went to bed. And as much as he tried, Daisuke couldn't fall asleep because of all the things that went through his head. The world will be a more dangerous place from now on and adollium will be one of the key milestones in preserving the well-being of all people. Maybe the grandma was right, maybe the world wasn't mature enough for this kind of responsibility. Perhaps Kato helped him in bringing one of the most important decisions in his life, but then what? How can he proceed? What should he do? Was there a reason for him to be worried at all? He felt guilty for his family's project and troubles it brought for all of them. He could convince Suzue in his words but there was no way he could convince himself. He was hopeless.

But then he heard someone quietly entering his room and, being the only other person in the house, of course he concluded that it was Suzue. He heard her carefully inviding his bed, lying behind his back and placing her hands around him on his chest. Without a word, he took her smaller hand in his own and kissed her knuckles.

Maybe his life just became more difficult but as long as Suzue was there by his side, he could sleep without a worry in the world.

@daisuzuship @narcopharmacist @unholysoggytea @riaymei @ieatcrumbs @cow-goes-oof @matchabucks @bluegleeful @levi-is-heicho @kakooshi @kokorokai @darknessrxse @fluffyyagiza @geniusmeemee @sungmnnnn @koalarin @alstroemerie @petiamaximoff38 @hellohellokookie @marialenikiforov

#fugou keiji balance: unlimited #millionaire detective balance: unlimited #millionaire detective #fugou keiji #daisuzu #hoshiharu

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pinejayy · 4 years

Text

The Forbidden Boyfriend ( Dr. Robotnik x Reader)

Part 1

Prompt: You are the little sister of Tom Wachowski, Y/N Wachowski, just 5 years younger than him. You had everything you could ask for, great friends, a great home, a wonderful job and a great realtionship between your bother. You also had a forbidden boyfriend and he was Ivo Robotnik. No one knows about you two and you tend to keep it like that. (This is an au where Robotnik doesn't get sent to that mushroom planet.)

Part 1 ( current one ) - part 2

Word count: +3.1k

Warnings: Some mature stuff nothing to bad tho. Few cuss words. ( Rating PG-13 )

It was a lovely day at Green Hills, you were enjoying your day. Even though you were at work which you loved. What were you? Well you were a reporter for the local newspaper. Yeah you weren't writing articles for The New York Times but it's something you loved. You loved the stories you wrote, the latest thing you wrote was a battle between Robotnik or how the whole town calls him "Eggman" vs Sonic. It was one of your best pieces and you were definitely proud of it. But every job had their ups and downs. Like one of the downside was the amount of hours you had to work and all the rude comments you got from people. But that didn't bother you.

As you were about to clock out early since you were going to go home and get dinner ready for you and your boyfriend. As you gather your stuff, you clocked out with a smile. And when you did you got a text message, checking it out you smiled instantly. It was a text message from your boyfriend, Ivo. As you can see both of you have been seeing each other for a few months, he was really a great guy and he wasn't that guy everyone talked about or said. He was actually a guy with a big heart well mostly just for you. But no one not even your big bother Tom knows about your relationship with Robotnik. And you plan on keeping it that way. He was like the Forbidden Boyfriend.

"Hello sweetheart I hope you're having a beautiful day, like yourself. Are we still on for dinner at your place~."

You smiled as you read the text message, blushing. You immediately started to type back.

"Hello my handsome devil, and of course we are still having dinner tonight at my place." You re replied back.

"Okay sweetheart, see you at your place at 8pm. I love you."

"I love you too, see you in a few!"

And with that you started heading to your car and excited for tonight.

♡ ♡ ♡

As you got home, you made sure the house was clean. That the bedroom was clean and your bed was fixed. As you got done with your cleaning you went to go get dinner ready, looking at your watch it was 4:30pm. Just enough time to make dinner and get yourself ready. As you were just going make alfredo chicken since that was Robotnik's favorite. You began getting the food ready.

After an hour or so you finally got dinner ready, you also managed to make brownies. You looked at your watch seeing the time it was already 7 in the afternoon. You just needed to hop on the shower and get dressed.

Ah Robotnik was at his lab working on a plan to catch that hedgehog. As he was working he checked the time and it was almost time for dinner at your place. The Doctor smiled, he didn't know how he got you to be his, he felt like the luckiest man alive and especially with you being related to that Tom guy. He didn't how someone so sweet and innocent end up dating someone so rotten and rude like him. But as he gathered his stuff he walked out of his lab, saying his good-bye to Agent Stone and he headed to his car. And drove off to your place.

You quickly got ready, you made sure you heated up the food again so it's nice and hot once your boyfriend comes around. You were so excited for tonight actually, you two haven't seen each other in two weeks and just wanted to spend time together. Once you were done with your shower, you did a simple makeup and put on a nice black dress. As you were applying lip gloss you heard the door bell ring. You quickly made your way to the door, opening the door and there stood your handsome boyfriend. He was wearing his usual black clothing, which you found extremely attractive on him. You moved to the side so he could walk inside and when he was inside you closed the door and just wrapped your arms around his neck and bringing him close and crashing your lips against his.

He instantly wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed back, quickly he deepen the kiss. He just held you close against his body.

You soon pulled away for air. "God I've missed you so much sweetheart. I've just been so busy with work and all." You whisper.

He just pressed his forehead against yours. "I've missed you too." He whispered in your ear. "And that's okay my beauty." He looked down at you and smiled, he began removing his coat and gloves off setting them on the sofa.

You blush and began to pull him towards the kitchen. "You may take a seat sir. As I serve us Dinner."

He gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before sitting down. As you grabbed two plates, you began to serve for both of you and when you did you just placed the plate of food on the table. Robotnik just smiled at you, you lean in and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

As you guys ate in a comfortable silence, enjoying each other's company. You guys did make small take during your meal. Once you guys were done, you just smiled at him. Grabbing both the plates.

"I also have dessert!" You said with a cheerful voice as you took the plates to the sink and just putting them in there.

Robotnik couldn't help but smirk to himself and he stood up. He followed you to the kitchen. As you were about to grab the brownies but he stood behind you wrapping his arms around you and just started giving you soft kisses on your neck and your earlobe. "Dessert sounds good right now."

As you just stood there, you were about to say something but you just bit your bottom lip, giggling softly since his mustache always tickled against your skin. Turning around to face him. You kissed him and he immediately kissed back. Picking you up from your butt and he placed you on the edge of the kitchen countertop. You just wrapped your legs around his waist bringing him closer against your body.

As he deepen the kiss, he began licking your bottom lip asking for permission. Which you gladly gave permission. Both of your tongues wrestling each other. His hands roaming around your back and bottom. You moaned against his mouth with your eyes shut closed, both of you pulled away from that heated kiss, both panting for air.

He began placing small kisses on your neck. "So sweetheart how's work?" He asked. Still placing small kisses against your neck.

You titled your head to the side, giving him more room. "Mmhm it's great.. just stressful that's all."

He pulled away, looking at you. "Then come live with me sweetheart. I will take care of you and give you everything you could want. I want to spoil and love you."

"You know I would feel bad Ivo." You said. Okay let's be real here, Robotnik is rich and he could be your sugar daddy. But you would just feel terrible if he just gave you everything.

"Don't feel bad sweetheart, I want to take good care of you. Like the queen you are." He said, going back to placing small kisses on your neck. And all of the sudden he picked you up and started walking to the bedroom. You wrapped your legs around his waist.

Once you got to the bedroom, he kicked the door opened and closed it with foot. He walked towards the bed and placed you gently on it. As he did so he was on top of you, his hands all over . He was sucking the skin of your neck, probably trying to make a mark on you making you shiver and moan softly.

"I-Ivo please...I need you." You moaned out.

He smirked, usually he would tease you but he missed you so much and didn't want to waste any time by being a tease. He kissed you, and soon after clothes were on the floor and your back on the mattress and one thing lead to an other~

♡ ♡ ♡

As morning rolled around, you laid your head on Robotnik's chest as you both slept. It was a nice peaceful moment until your phone started to ring.

You woke up, groaning in the process. You sit up trying to be quite as possible since your boyfriend was still asleep next to you. You grab your phone from the night stand next to you and answer. Seeing the caller ID and it was your brother Tom.

"Hey Tom" You said, as you answered the phone. Yawning a bit.

"Good morning sis! I was wondering if wanted to come over for lunch today? Sonic has been wanting to see you." He said.

You smiled to yourself, looking at Robotnik seeing him sleep was the cutest. "Uh Yeah sure! It sounds like fun!"

"Sounds great! You don't mind me putting you in speaker, Sonic wants to speak to you." Tom said, throughout the phone. When you said it was fine, you herad Sonic's voice through your phone.

"HEY Y/N!! I SAW THE PAPER YOU WROTE ABOUT ME AND THAT EGGHEAD!" He said loudly.

Oh god why did he have to be so loud this early. But you chuckled. "Oh you did? What did you think about it?"

"Awesome! You made me sound so cool! And you made Eggman sound lame!"

That made you chuckle even more, you rolled your eyes. "Well I'm glad you liked it Sonic."

"Look Y/N we have to get going! We will see you in a few hours." Tom said. You were about to say your goodbyes and hang up.

But that's when you felt the bed shift, you boyfriend was waking up. "Mm Good Morn-"

You quickly clapped your hand over his mouth. Robotnik just looked at you, he raised an eyebrow at you.

"Is someone there with you?" Tom said, sounding concerned.

You laughed nervously "What no! That was just the tv! Look I have to get going see you later." You say. Not letting him answer you, you hanged up on him. Setting your phone down, and look at Robotnik and move your hand away from his mouth.

"Well Good Morning to you too." He said.

"Sorry about that honey. My brother was on the phone." You said, laying back down with. He just placed one hand on your waist and his other hand was playing with your hair. "He wanted to see if I could come over for lunch."

You just traced a finger over his chest. "Hm that's right, we can't let your brother know that his sister is fucking the enemy." He chuckled, joking around.

Your your head shot up, punching his chest playfully. "Don't say it like that!" You giggle.

He rolled his eyes. "It's true though."

You just gave him a look, but giggle. Leaning in you gave him a kiss. He kissed back and pulled away. "I had a great time last night." You said, as you were about to go in for an other kiss you heard a car pull into your driveway. Oh great what now?! You groan getting up, pecking out of the window and saw Tom's car pull in. Why was he here! He did live a few minutes away from you of course he's here.

You started to freak out. "Fuck, My brother is here!" You said. Quickly changing into something. Making sure you covered your neck with a sweater you didn't want your brother seeing the marks your boyfriend left on you.

Robotnik's head shoot up from the bed. "What? Why is that bastard here!?"

"I don't know! Just stay here okay." You said walking out of the bedroom and made your way to the front door and open it. Putting a smile on you began walking outside. You saw both Tom and Sonic stand outside they seemed to be focusing on the car that was Robotnik's... fuck "Hey Tom what are you doing here? I thought we were having lunch at your place in a few hours?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Tom said, walking into your house. You followed him inside but Sonic didn't come in he was too busy observing the car. He's seen this somewhere before, it just looked so familiar. But he couldn't put his finger on it.

As he then ran inside of the house. He stood by Tom. You just stood by the couch you noticed that Robotnik's coat and gloves were there from last night. "Yeah I'm fine, like I said it was the tv. No one is here."

Tom just let out a sigh of relief he believed you, rubbing the temples of his head sometimes he could just get so over protective over you. And when he was distracted you quickly shoved the coat and gloves behind a couch cushion. Hiding them.

Sonic just narrowed his eyes on you, he knew you were hiding something. He did see the coat it was a black one, it looked very similar to Robotink's. Sonic just narrowed his eyes at you. Were you and Robotnik working together?

"So who's car is that?" Your bother asked you.

"Oh that! I rented it! It's nice huh?" You lied. "But I need to get ready for later on."

"Oh okay, I guess I was over reacting. Come on Sonic. See you for lunch then ." Tom said, and started to walk out. But Sonic just stood there looking at you before turning away soon after. You just closed the door. Letting out a sigh of relief.

Robotnik walked out of the bedroom and to the living room. "Hm I should probably leave before your brother and that bloody hedgehog come around again."

You just nodded, pulling out his coat and gloves from the couch cushion. "Sorry about that. Just didn't want my brother seeing this."

He smiled, grabbing them and putting them on. "That's perfectly fine. But I must get going, I will call you later okay." He said leaning in to give you a kiss.

You nodded kissing him softly. "See you later, I love you."

"I love you too sweetheart."

And with that he left. Now you just had to get ready for later on.

♡ ♡ ♡

The afternoon rolled around and you were at your Brothers house. Maddie couldn't be there since she was at work so it was just you, Tom and Sonic. You and Tom starterd to catch up on each other, talking about work and what not. But Sonic just was looking at you. You didn't know why he was so quiet, the little guy was usually so talkative.

"I'm going to go to the restroom I will be back shortly." Tom said, leaving you and Sonic alone.

"What's wrong little guy, why are you so quite?" You asked him.

"Robotnik..you have something to do with him and I know it..." He said, giving you the stink eye.

"What no? Me? Come on he's the bad guy! Why would I be with him you're my friend Sonic."

Sonic just crossed his arms, but soften up when you said friend but didn't say anything else. But he still was suspicious about you. Soon after Tom came back.

"Ah look at the time! I really must get going, I have a other report to write!" You said. Getting your bag saying your goodbyes to both of them. You quickly made your way to the car, getting in and driving over to Robotnik's lab.

You were driving fast, not caring if an officer stooped you. As you pulled up to his lab you quickly made your way inside. "IVO! Where are you! We need to talk now! It's important!"

Robotnik appeared out of no where rather quite quickly thinking something is wrong. "What's the matter sweetheart?" He said hugging you. He began to get worried thinking something bad happened.

You hugged him back tearing up slightly. "That hedgehog... he's onto us!" You didn't want to lose Robotnik, you didn't want him out of your life.

Robotnik growled softly, that stupid hedgehog is going to ruin everything. He thought of something and then smirked to himself, he even began to chuckle. You look at him with a confused face.

"Don't worry honey. I have an idea to keep him off our backs." He said with a smirk, and he wiped your tears off. Oh he has something oh right.

♡ ♡ ♡

"Sonic you've been going at this all morning. My sister has nothing to do with that wackjob. Why are you all the sudden bringing this up." Tom said, as Sonic was telling him that you and Robotnik were working together.

"I'm telling you! His coat was in her house! And that car was his I'm telling you!" He said, throwing his hands in the air.

"Sonic just because she has some black rental car and a black coat doesn't mean she's working with him. Come on little guy she's your friend."

Maybe Tom was right, Sonic just nodded. "Okay okay maybe you're right." The Hedgehog did want to believe Tom but his guy feeling was telling him something else. But you wouldn't work for Robotnik right?

"Could you please just drop that subject and just take the trash out Sonic?" Tom asked him, Sonic quickly nodded grabbing the bag and when he opened the door a Drone came flying in. It was one of Eggman drones.

Sonic quickly got in front of Tom ready to fight it at any given moment. But as the drone just stayed there doing nothing. Making both Sonic and Tom confused. Until it spoke up.

"Well hello there Mr. Wachowski. I have something that means so much to you and the Hedgehog." Robotnik spoke through the drone.

"Oh god, please Tom help me this wackjob has me somewhere I don't know." You cried out. "Please help me.." You began to sob.

Both Sonic and Tom gasped when they heard your voice.

"Shut up stupid girl..." He hissed. "But, such a pretty little sister you have. I might keep her to myself and even experiment on her real good." He said laughing.

Tom was scared for you but made a face when he said that. That sick bastard, he better not lay a finger on you but why did Robotnik have you! In the other hand Sonic felt horrible for assuming that you were with Robotnik or were working with him. He clenched his fist, angry. He smashed the drone without thinking.

Sonic was going to save you and make Robotnik pay.

Would you guys like a part two? :)

#dr robotnik #dr eggman #jimbotnik x reader #Jimbotnik #Dr robotnik x reader #Robotnik x reader #sonic movie

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thecreelhouse · 4 years

Text

made to brave the pain

Paring: Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: The monsters in your life have been human, forcing you into a quiet, isolated world, disconnected from reality to keep yourself safe. What happens when you discover not all monsters are human, though? What do you do when the path of your trauma crosses paths with someone else’s? (AKA: a super trauma comfort fic, bc I’m working out my own shit through writing lol.)

Word count: 3.9k

Warnings: mentions of abuse, dissociation & maladaptive daydreaming, PTSD, angst, language. (Hopefully the comfort makes up for it tho!)

A/N: idk how to feel about this, honestly, and I have another comfort fic I’ve been working on, bc these seem to be my go-to during the rough patches. This, or any other fics I write aren’t meant to glorify/glamourize abuse and the PTSD that can follow, but simply just a way for me to work out my own trauma (along side therapy and other professional works of help, of course.) if it bothers you, please ignore. Otherwise, I hope someone enjoys the comfort from this, at least. Stay safe <3 (title is from eisley’s ‘ambulance’)

For as long as you could remember, trauma was essentially the foundation your life was built on. You weren’t a stranger to the pain and the heartbreak that could be caused by those meant to raise and guide you through this cold world.

Monsters were just as human as you. That’s what made them so terrifying, hiding under flesh and bone, lying in wait to tear your world apart.

Having no safe place to run to, you created your own, building from the ground up. It was your shield in dark moments, something you hid behind when the reality was too intense for you to grasp onto.

Sometimes, you disconnected from your body, feeling as if you were floating away from the danger before your eyes. Your mind took a vacation, for minutes, sometimes hours. The doctors called it dissociation.

Other times, it came in the form of leaving the wretched, dangerous surroundings, with a distraction. Your mind played out scenarios that you called the shots in, ones that you controlled. Daydreaming, but more vivid, protecting you from the life outside your brain. Sometimes the events and endings weren’t happy, but it was okay, because it was in your control. Maladaptive daydreaming, your therapist named it.

You found the armor to protect your mind as the world trampled over you, took advantage of you, tricking you into lies and mazes of deceit. You couldn’t control the fate around you, but you could control it within.

It gave you a sense of stability, a feeling of belonging in your own world. You protected yourself this way for so long, since you were little, you began to prefer your own worlds to the one around you. You’d silently thank your mind for disconnecting in times of distress. It knew well now. It knew you and your real world so, so well.

You tried and trusted over and over, knowing you could escape to these safe havens within if it all fell apart. Time and time again, you’d think you had finally found your close knit group of friends, a group of angels on earth, to trust, to bond with, to grow with.

Each time you became too trusting, the relationships would fall away, faster than you could imagine grasping on tight to it. Over time, you kept to yourself. You were friendly. You had friends, in school, at work, but not true friends you could run to in times of need. No one to have hard, aching belly laughs with in the middle of the night, no one to sneak out with, no one to share secrets with. No one was close enough, and you couldn’t let them grow that close ever again.

So when the day came that you found yourself face to face with real monsters, you couldn’t bring yourself to click and stay within reality. All those years of learning to run and hide turned that into a first instinct.

You were working in Waldenbooks, in Starcourt. It was your summer job, to help you save up before moving away for college in the fall, and overall, you liked it. It was a distraction from your life, a real life distraction, and one you could still lose yourself in your thoughts, and not get in much trouble during it. It was generally quieter in the store, more so than the rest of the mall.

It was a late night, finishing unpacking and stocking new books, working past closed alone, and you didn’t mind these shifts, either. You learned how to be content with being alone long ago. Plus, you got to control the radio, and that was certainly a plus. It made up for the fact that you didn’t have plans for the Fourth of July anyway.

Halfway through your shift, just a bit after the store closed, you heard a loud ruckus echoing from the first level of the mall. Perplexed, you stopped moving, listening past your loud heartbeat for more. There was yelling followed by a loud, metallic crashing noise, making you jump. Books in your hand went flying.

Scared and curious, you moved forward, toward the bookstore’s entryway, and peeked your head out, seeing nothing down the wing you worked in. Eyes lingering longer, scanning the neon-lit hallway, you eventually pulled back into the store, picking your work back up once more.

Time had passed, and you continued to restock the shelves, making good time with the batch of books you had, and finished earlier than expected. You cleaned up, clocked out, locked up, and began heading down the wing you worked in, towards the mall’s main entrance.

As you walked, your mind wandered, almost missing the voices trailing out from below, from the first floor. Pushing yourself to tune back in to reality, you focused on your surroundings, walking up to the railing along the edge of the second floor to lean over, get a better look. Your eyes fell on a group of people, sending you further into confusion. Your eyes flickered to the car in the middle of the food court, crushed up against the wall, and you felt your heart drop to your stomach.

What the fuck?

Distracted, you headed for the escalator, now powered down, and sprinted down the stairs. As you got closer, you recognized some of the people within the group; Steve and Robin, who you’d become friendly with over time, running into each other during breaks on shifts. Your eyes fell to Nancy and Jonathan, who you knew from school, and... Jim Hopper? What the hell was the chief of police doing here? What the hell was going on? Some people in the group turned around, giving you strange looks, almost questioning with their stares ‘what are you doing here?’.

Steve turned around, face twisting in confusion at the sight of you, while your heart dropped again at the sight of his face, bloody, bruised, swollen.

“Wh- what happened?” You managed to stutter out, and Steve’s mouth fell open as he searched for an answer to give. But what could he say? How could he explain this?

Quickly, before anyone else could talk to you, Steve reached out, gently leading you away from the group, across the food court. Your eyes darted furiously between him and the others, and the car, concern growing more and more.

“You have to leave.” Steve said, gently grabbing you by the shoulders. It almost made you blush, before realizing the tone in his voice. “You have to go home, okay?”

“What’s going on?” You asked, eyes wandering his face, taking in the injuries he had. You felt sick. Steve shook his head.

“I can’t tell you, but I need you to go home, and be safe.” He stated, voice firmer this time. You shook your head, and he frowned, brows scrunching up. “I didn’t think anyone was still here.”

“I was finishing a shift. Are you and Robin alright? Is that why I heard a big crash earlier? How’d you get hurt?” You couldn’t help letting the questions pour out, curiosity getting the best of you.

You and Steve had spent the breaks of your jobs together sometimes, flirting with one another over time. You figured it was probably nothing to him, and figured it couldn’t do much harm if you kept your usual, safe distance, barely letting him in. It couldn’t hurt to be friendly on the surface, right? He seemed to mean well, too, but you refused to get close enough to find out. Refused to take the chance of letting someone else hurt you again.

“Are you listening to me?” Steve asked urgently, gently shaking you by the shoulders. Your eyes focused back into view, back to his poor, battered face, and realized you had spaced out. In times of panic, you just did that, running for safety. If only your body learned to do the same physically.

“I-“

“Y/N, you really have to get out of here. Please.” Steve pleaded, eyes holding a whole different world of pain and suffering, far different from yours. It made your heart sink.

What demons has he fought that were nearly as bad as yours? The thought of someone as sweet as Steve fighting off his own monsters made you ache, made you worry.

“Are you gonna be okay?” You asked, hoping for a proper answer. Steve looked away for a moment.

“Yeah. Yeah I am, it’s gonna be alright.” He reassured, though he looked unsure himself. “Just go home, please. I need you to be safe.”

Something within you screamed to stay, stay, stay, don’t abandon him, don’t abandon Robin, stay, stay, stay. What could you do? What help could you be, when you had no idea what these people were up against.

“Will you be safe? Are you safe with them?” You couldn’t help asking, and without hesitation, Steve nodded.

“I’m in good hands with them, I promise.” He answered sincerely, and that was the only thing that seemed to calm you down, just a bit.

Your arms wrapped around Steve suddenly, taking him by surprise as you hugged him tightly. He hugged back tightly, and quickly pulled away, before gently pushing you towards the mall’s exit. Your heart ached, your mind screamed, stay, stay, stay, against his word.

You, being the stubborn person you were, stayed. Turning to leave, you noticed Steve wasn’t watching you walk out, and took the opportunity to hide. You snuck in the shadows of the bathroom hallways, behind a large, potted plant, by the main entrance.

You heard horrific screams and startling noises as time passed, fighting your curiosity to stay hidden. What the fuck could you do here? It’s not like you knew what was going on, what was happening. Crashing noises echoed through the hallway, glass shattering, things being thrown, broken, inhuman, monstrous noises ripping through the air; you heard it all. At moments, it grew quiet, but it never lasted long. Sometimes you felt the walls shake, almost as if the building was hit.

Peeking out from your hiding spot, you swore you heard fireworks being set off. With shaky limbs, you pulled yourself up off the floor, creeping down the hallway and around the corner, to see the food court lighting up in bright, vibrant colors. Sparks flew everywhere, and your eyes fell to the target of the rockets: a monster. A real monster.

It’s grotesque build and grimy limbs recklessly tossed about, smashing into walls and decor in the mall, narrowly missing everyone scattered about. Debris flew around dangerously. You couldn’t tear your eyes away, but felt your feet pulling you further, towards the door. Your gut told you Steve was right, and you trusted it, running out the door.

You ran, ran, ran, towards your car, parked far away from the mall, and collapsed against the side of it, watching the interior light up from the windows. It didn’t take long for your mind to kick into high gear, dragging itself the hell out of your body, disconnecting from reality, right on schedule.

Your eyes zoned out, blurring your surroundings as you sat against your car, numbly watching the building eventually go up in flames. Smoke billowed out of the roof, but you couldn’t bring yourself to focus fully. Sirens echoed out in the distance, surrounding the building in lights, signaling help was here, help had arrived.

Your thoughts felt fuzzy. Had you really seen what you saw? Was that reality? It was like something straight out of your vivid daydreams, the ones where you build up your own heroes to put a stop to the destruction.

Maybe it was a metaphor for you somehow, for the destruction you had endured your entire life. You couldn’t be bothered to think about it.

A figure drew closer, but you couldn’t bring yourself fully from your thoughts, couldn’t come back down from the natural, protective high.

You felt yourself being pulled to your feet, and arms wrapping around you.

“Jesus Christ, I thought you went home. What are you still doing here?” It was Steve’s voice, engulfed in concern. Your vision focused back in, and the tingling numbness began to leave your limbs, your fingertips. You grasped onto his shirt, feeling the fabric, connecting that with reality, grounding yourself.

You rarely ever grounded yourself. It was just something you preferred not to do, to stay safe and locked away in your thoughts instead.

“Are you okay?” He asked, pulling back, getting a closer look at you. You focused in to his battered face, heart sinking again at the sight of his injuries. He grabbed your hands, squeezing them. “Did you hear me?”

Something deep within you screamed at you to be responsive for once, and you slowly nodded.

“You’re not hurt are you?” He asked, ignoring his injuries, the blood on his shirt, on his skin.

You shook your head, staring at Steve, in awe he was showing concern about you, when clearly he was the one who needed comforting. Your arms wrapped back around him, surprising yourself as you pulled him close.

“Are you okay?” You managed to ask, fully in focus to reality, to the present. He didn’t answer, and you pulled back, searching his eyes for an answer. All you saw was the hurt, the damage left behind by demons you couldn’t even imagine up in your wildest daydreams.

“Can I tell you the truth?” He looked away, voice cracking. You nodded. “Not at all.”

Your heart broke, and you were fully aware of the reality around you. You wanted to run and hide, away in your safest corners of your daydreams, but you stayed, standing strong in your spot. The urge to disconnect was strong, but the one to stay and help Steve was stronger.

“Let’s get you home, yeah? I don’t want you driving like this.” You managed to say, pulling open the car door for Steve. He hesitated, almost aware how hard this was for you to help someone else, when you couldn’t even really help yourself. You held your gaze strong, until he eventually climbed into the passenger seat. Shutting the door, you hurried around to the other side, starting up the car, and began driving off, destruction of Starcourt growing worse in your rear view mirror.

You drove on, silent, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, though you already did, staying behind when Steve warned you to leave.

Leaning his head against the window, Steve spoke up first, voice quiet, broken. “How much did you see?”

You hesitated, but knew the truth was necessary here, or you wouldn’t be able to comprehend what you saw at all, not on your own. “I heard more than I saw. I was hiding and didn’t come out until I heard fireworks going off. I saw... that thing... and ran.”

“Must be nice to have the option.” He mumbled, though it was loud enough for you to hear, and it stung. You know he didn’t mean harm, not intentionally. What he went through was something you had never endured, and probably never will. “Why’d you stay?”

Turning down a street, you swallowed hard, afraid to answer, unsure what your answer even was. “I dunno, I was worried for you, for everyone. I’ve never seen you so panicked before.”

“There’s a lot you haven’t seen.” He replied, shrugging, as if it was simply nothing. “There’s a lot you choose not to see, too.”

You felt your stomach drop at that. You knew what Steve meant, you just didn’t think anyone else knew. You didn’t think anyone else noticed. You thought you slipped under the radar of concern from anyone, and you grew comfortable with that.

“Where do you go?” He asked, looking ahead at the road. You turned once more, vaguely remembering the way to his house; you had given each other rides once or twice this summer.

You knew what he meant by asking that, and though afraid to answer, you didn’t hesitate to speak up. “Far away. As far away as I can get from here. It helps to distract myself with my own grand, make-believe stories. Beats being stuck in your own hell.”

“Teach me your ways.” He joked dryly, sending you a lazy smile. You blushed, focusing back on the road, turning into his driveway. You parked, but neither of you moved, neither of you left the car.

“It’s still pretty shitty... to be disconnected from reality all the time... I miss out on a lot of my own life.” You admitted softly, staring at the wheel, clutching it tightly. “It’s not something you’d want, you know. You have a good life overall, people who give a shit about you. You don’t want to miss the good stuff.”

“People care about you too.” Steve replied seriously, but you laughed, rolling your eyes. “I mean it.”

“Even so, it’s just another chance to let...” You trailed off, realizing you’ve said far too much already. “... it’s fine. Let me help you inside, okay?”

Steve opened his mouth to argue, to question you further, but you dashed out your door, quick to reach his side. You held an arm out as he carefully exited the car, slowly walking him up to the door.

The two of you looked at one another awkwardly, unsure of what to say. You hadn’t planned to stay long, or at all. You just wanted to help. It was the least you could do. A few moments passed as you stared at one another, silence deafening, before finally turning on your heel, starting for the stairs.

Steve reached an arm out, grabbing your hand. You stopped suddenly, turning back to him.

“Stay. Please.” He said, voice wavering again, and though you were wary about letting him, or anyone, in, you nodded, feeling a layer of trust settle between you two.

The house was empty, but Steve didn’t seem too bothered by that fact. As if he sensed your curiosity, he spoke up, “Parents are never home. Probably for the best this time.”

A caring side of you came out, overshadowing the hesitant, cautious side. “Where’s your bathroom? We gotta clean some of these wounds up, or you’ll get infections.”

Surprised by your words and initiative to take action, Steve stared for a moment before nodding to the stairs, and climbing them slowly. You trailed behind.

You began to rummage through the bathroom’s cabinets, well stocked with necessities and more. You wondered what it was like to have a family that actually cared to keep necessities on hand, not leaving their child to fend for themself, at least without resources. Finding rubbing alcohol and cotton wipes, you figured it was a good place to start.

Steve sat at the edge of the tub, and you immediately got to work, gently wiping away the crusted, dried blood, and cleaning any wounds. Anytime it stung, Steve cringed, hissing.

“Oh, c’mon, you got these gnarly battle wounds, and a little rubbing alcohol is gonna bother you?” You teased, and it pulled a smile out of Steve. He watched you closely as you continued on, while you made sure to keep your gaze anywhere but his eyes.

“How do you know about infections so much, hm?” He asked casually, not realizing the weight of the question. “Not like you’re covered in wounds yourself.”

You exhaled deeply, brushing away your nerves. “Sometimes you learn things as you need them.” You hoped that was an answer enough, but of course, Steve being his stubborn self, never knew when to quit.

“What does that mean?” He asked, voice quieter, but still, you caught the question. You shook your head, throwing the bloodied cotton wipes away, and reaching for fresh ones.

“You have your demons,” you started, leaning closely in again to finish cleaning his face. “I have mine.”

“You don’t have to be so secretive all the time.” He mumbled, getting annoyed. You rolled your eyes.

“Done. Rest of the blood is all yours to handle. Most of it is in your hair, anyway.” You said, ignoring his comment. Steve stood up, and you backed against the counter, trying to keep your space.

“Did I do something?” He asked, hurt apparent in his voice, sinking your heart again. “I thought we were friends, I’m sorry if I overstepped boundaries.”

You clamped your eyes shut, shaking your head. “No, it’s not you, it’s ... it’s anyone.”

“You sure? You don’t have to stay, I don’t want to bother-“

“It’s not you, I swear.” You began to ramble. “It really is anyone. I haven’t gotten close to anyone in so long. You and Robin are the first friends I’ve had in years, and even then, I tried to keep my distance.”

“Why?”

“You asked where I go... where my mind goes...” You started, voice cracking. God, you didn’t want this friendship to be exposed to your trauma. It always found a way through the cracks, though. It was a huge part of who you were, it always found a way in to everything else. “I have to keep busy up here.” You pointed to your head, looking away from him before continuing.

“I keep busy and disconnect from real life to stay safe. Doctors call it dissociation, or whatever.” You mumbled, trying to keep tears back, crossing your arms. “My monsters were human. The people raising and guiding me through this life were just monsters in disguise. Those I trusted, helped, bonded with. They were all my demons. It was safer to just... just...”

“Tune out the real world.” Steve finished, understanding. You nodded, feeling tears roll down your face, stinging your skin along the way. “I mean, I get it... kinda’. You do what you can to survive the pain.”

“There’s gaps of time in my life, chunks of memories I don’t remember, can’t remember, because I was so disconnected.” You admitted, brushing your tears away with your hands. “Sorry. Jesus. Here I am crying about my shit when you just dealt with that literal monster.”

Steve shook his head, cautiously reaching a hand out to your arm, and settled it against you slowly. “I’m sorry you saw any of that. And don’t apologize, I asked, because I care. Because it seems like you care too, at least I think so. Seems like it if you’re willing to take care of my ugly mug tonight.”

You laughed softly, sniffling. “Shut up, you still are pretty cute, even with all those bruises.”

“Yeah? You think so?” He asked, smiling, pulling your smile wider in return. “I don’t want to force you into telling me anything, but you can, you know, if you want to. You’re not alone.”

“Neither are you, Steve.” You said sincerely, wrapping him into a hug. Cautiously, he hugged back, softly resting his chin atop your head. Courage built up in your heart, you managed to ask words you’d never imagine asking anyone: “Can I stay?”

You hadn’t felt this much trust with someone in so long, hadn’t let yourself feel it in so long. You’ve knocked down every opportunity that came your way, believing it was safer to be alone. Safer to be lonely. You were wrong, and you were willing to relearn how to let others in after feeling the pull between you and Steve.

Steve pulled back, searching your face for any signs of doubt, a soft smile hiding at the edge of his lips. “I was kinda’ hoping you would.”

——

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#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fic #stranger things x you #stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #my fics #made to brave the pain

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arlocedwards · 4 years

Text

╰ ✧ HARRY STYLES. MUSE NINE. PANSEXUAL ❞ say hello to the s club’s very own ARLO EDWARDS! a TWENTY-FOUR YEAR OLD, CISMALE that goes by HE/HIM pronouns. i heard they were voted BEST SHOULDER TO CRY ON in high school, which says a lot about them because they’re very IDEALISTIC and INTUITIVE, but watch out for their DETACHED and DESTRUCTIVE side as well. i hope they’re ready to take a break from being a MUSICIAN and finally get this summer started! ( kt / 24 / pst / she/her )

hiya! i am kt &+ underneath the read more is some info about my bb, arlo. ** insert clown emoji but make him yee-haw **

trigger warning : death .

NAME: arlo cornelius edwards. GENDER: cismale. PRONOUNS: he, him. AGE: twenty-four ( 24 ). BIRTHDAY: february 14th. ZODIAC: aquarius !! HOMETOWN: kent, england. ORIENTATION: pansexual OCCUPATION: drummer. LANGUAGES SPOKEN: english & french. FACECLAIM: harry styles ~ currently featuring long hair. :’-)

kt’s note: I KNOW THIS IS SO LONG, SO IF YOU DON’T READ IT, I WILL NOT GET OFFENDED.

but, just read this so y’know what you’re getting yourself into when interactions open : death tw: arlo will be joining this summers reunion coming from his parents home, post-funeral, trying to escape boxing up his brothers stuff and wanting to not be pitied. :’-( my boy is going through it, so his typical behavior and personality is gonna be v muted for a while.

ᴀʀʟᴏ'ꜱ ʙᴀᴄᴋɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ

arlo was born in kent, england. i know what you’re wondering, and yes, he does have an accent. :’-) his family moved to new york when he was five years old because arlo’s father was offered a high level position within his company.

arlo was born into a loving family, him being the middle child. he has two supportive parents, sasha edwards (his mother), & carter edwards (his father). there are two years separating him from both his older brother and younger sister. his older brother ( now deceased ) was named holden edwards, and his little sister is named ivy edwards. his older brother can be imagined as eric matthews from boy meets world ( at the end of the day, they were bffs ) & his little sister is quite literally cher horowitz from clueless mixed w/ a splash of bianca stratford from 10 things i hate about you ( they are polar opposites which makes for a fun dynamic !! )

growing up, arlo enjoyed playing all types of sports - there truly wasn’t anything that he wasn’t really good at, and that’s simply because he’s always been such a competitive individual. he would go home and practice a skill or trick for hours in order to be able to come back the next day and whoop everyone’s asses. he will fight you over board games and make alliances in monopoly to mess w/ you.

his interest in taking up an instrument kicked in when he was seven years old. he and his dad were driving back from a hockey game together late at night, and his dad played him the song moby dick by led zeppelin & he knew it was something that he wanted to pursue bc “john bonham was a genius.” ~ arlo vc. and so his dad gifted him a drum set on his eighth birthday !! :’-) soft. but over the years he was exposed to other instruments and can also play the guitar, piano, and he has a nice set of pipes !! harry styles being his vc as well ~ makes it easy. he really wants to learn the saxophone tho??? don’t get him started - he will go on and on and on.

throughout highschoool ; arlo was a v dedicated student. although he’s a bit reckless and loved to goof off, he was always acing classes and applying himself. he genuinely cares for others, you could’ve seen his ass volunteering at a soup kitchen with his mom on sundays and what not! just soft things.

until now - now anti-soft. hard things. sdgjdjgd okay, so, arlo is A Mess™️. and i say that with so much love in my bones. arlo is the type of friend that is honest, and all about tough love when it’s needed. he doesn’t mind getting into a fight or two if he knows its worth the outcome he’s envisioned. he will tell you when you’re fucking up, and if you’re throwing a punch as a result - catch him leaning into it. this ties in l8r !!

he’s just a bit desperate to feel against following the death of his brother & also post-break up with shanley? ( which give me one hot sec and i’ll go into those v soon ) but overall he just wants to feel like himself again, y’know ?? don’t we all. amen & what not. to break it down, he just feels so intensely that he ends up numbing himself in the aftermath of it all, and he’s sadly willing to put himself into harms way in order to get a bit of that - happiness / pain, it doesn’t matter to him as long as he no longer feels numb. so, if ya see him with some scrapes and stitches ~ MIND YA BUSINESS.

arlo’s lurve life : woo ! okay, welcome back -- let’s get into it. so shanley and arlo dated throughout hs and into their first year of college, for a whopping five years together before they broke up. god if you’ve made it this far, i applaud you...but hmu and let me know your fav color, okay? like and comment below ?? subscribe ?? thx. OKAY BACK TO BUSINESS. in case you’re wondering who broke up with who, gosh so nosy, let me just tell you ‘twas arlo. he did it, we can unfollow his ass now. BUT ~ he didn’t want to ? y’know. he felt like due to the long distance, she was missing out on college experiences and her waiting by the phone for him to call was just sad, and he felt guilty. he wanted her to enjoy her time and felt as if he was weighing her down. although he did try make an effort to fix this doing by visiting her that weekend at her university in chicago, but when he came across her with friends he felt stupid and bailed back to cali again. a couple months later he called her, hoping to apologize for his poor judgement and admit to his mistake of ending the relationship, but she wasn’t the one who answered the phone. arlo assumed the random guy who answered was shanley’s new boyfriend (although , he was shanley’s roommates boyfriend but my sad dumb ass boi didn’t know ). arlo only assumed the voice belonged to shan’s bf bc he swears the voice distinctly said “coming, babe!” ( although he did, just not to shanley) and ever since arlo’s been a bit jaded when it comes to romance. shanley called him back later that day, and arlo shrugged her off bc he was jealous af and drunk - claiming he “butt dialed her and it wouldn’t happen again.” :’-( since then they haven’t been in contact.

he was so in love with shanley, and despite him being the one to end things, he’s never fully gotten over her. he’s definitely hooked up with other people, but my boy is not the committing type after that relationship.

after high school, arlo attended stanford university, as they offer one of the best criminal law programs across the nation. wahoo ! yahtzee !

after graduating college, arlo moved to san francisco & moved in with ali !! they have a nice little place overlooking the golden gate bridge w/ quality acoustics for their creative music projects. / also where he currently lives !! :’-) we love a bromance.

while in san francisco, arlo attended university to continue on pursuing his law degree and after two years was able to graduate with his juris doctor.

TRIGGER WARNING : DEATH / CAR ACCIDENT / DRUNK DRIVING. the death of his brother is very recent, like four weeks ago recent. arlo and his brother were road tripping across the states back to their family home in NY to visit their parents, when a drunk driver struck the driver side of their vehicle, which on impact killed his brother. arlo has survivors guilt as a result from the accident. he and his brother had switched seats a couple minutes prior to the collision, after arlo had asked to switch with him in order to rest for a bit. :’-( miraculously, arlo was unscathed in the greater scheme of all things injury-based. he’s entering the villa w/ a couple broken ribs, broken left arm and scrapes/cuts. so plz sign his cast.

post-break up with shanley, they had some type of unspoken agreement of trading off years of who gets to attend the summer( aka who has custody of the sclub ) and so last year, arlo did not attend. however, this year, they somehow got their info wrong about who was going / not going, so they have found themselves here at the same time. this being the first time they’ve seen each other since holidays during their first year of college previous to their break up. so get ready for some spice.

last summer, since arlo wasn’t attending the sclub reunion, he was taking the california state bar exam. which is only offered twice a year - he opted for the one in july and passed! :’-) he spent some time after the exam in europe with hastrid. <3

however, arlo will be joining this summers reunion coming from his parents home, post-funeral, trying to escape boxing up his brothers stuff and wanting to not be pitied. :’-( my boy is going through it, so his typical behavior and personality is gonna be v muted for a while.

ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟɪᴛʏ

overall : arlo truly strives to be kind, and genuinely wants for everyone to get along. treat people with kindness and the like. he has the best of intentions, but often times that can get a bit muddled with the way he goes about things due to his chaotic energy. he will do anything to lighten a dark mood, and will sacrifice / throw himself under the bus if its needed. however, he also is the type to cause the dark mood depending on the day.

however rn, with his current state of mind, arlo is just going through the motions. numbing himself with unhealthy outlets and has a different type of mentality. definitely engaging in a bit of the more chaotic activities, as well as leaving everyone alone to their own vices as well. whereas his typical behavior would be more so attempting to lead them onto a better path if it meant well for their overall wellbeing.

habits : smoking cigarettes ( ali likely nags him bc they aren’t herbal ) . staying up into the early hours of the morning, and yet somehow still an early riser ( hence, he drinks an absurd amount of coffee ). yeah, hence. - get it, from the house bunny? sdjfkngdg any who, he’s in a phase of numbing via alcohol and drugs rn.

personality type : INTP - T / THE LOGICIAN

moral alignment : chaotic good

tarot card : the hermit ( currently )

character inspo : connor walsh from how to get away with murder, jess mariano from gilmore girls, & ambrose spellman from chilling adventures of sabrina ( literally his #1 ranked personality match on a quiz i took ) !! so, we have that ! and also a heavy sprinkle of seth cohen from the o.c.

ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

the album ‘fine line’ by golden child, harry styles in this case will be used as a hc for arlo. arlo wrote and recorded the album - all songs included, with his muse being shanley over the course of the last couple of years. he’s just kind of been sitting on the entire thing, never really feeling it was the right time to release his work/side solo project...but later this summer, he may just leak it. :’-)

arlo is a vegetarian ! he has been since his freshman year of high school.

those who inspire him : roger taylor, mick jagger, alex van halen, john bonham.

LUNA : ali and arlo co-founded the band with friends edie dorn and guy perkins in junior high. playing gigs where they could as often as possible. arlo was on lead vocals, ali as lead guitarist, edie on bass, and guy on drums. although when it came down to recording and what not they seemed to bounce around when it came to other instruments - v experimental. the band took off in college, prior to something strange and over the years they’ve produced numerous albums and have won a couple awards.

red roses are his Thing™️ ; fans of the band will walk up and hand him them. i think that’s soft. and i am here for it.

he loves fancy wine ~ he’s cultured.

fun fact : dirty dancing is v much so a sharlo movie. they used to practice and be able to successfully pull of the jump & lift dance move literally just for fun / bc they wanted to. after nailing the lift, they learned the entire dance - i can't. dfjkgndjkg SOFT.

arlo has all of harry’s tattoos !! makes it simpler, might add more along the way !! stay tuned, folks !!

also the ‘ h & s ‘ rings that will be seen in photographs later on are for his brother, holden, and bbg, shanley </3

arlo is a gucci enthusiast - having much of his closet filled with staple pieces over the years. to further his love for the brand, he was recently asked to be in an upcoming campaign for the fall season - he’s v jazzed about it.

ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ

𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖎𝖓𝖋𝖑𝖚𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊 ( open connection ) : with arlo being a bit chaotic in nature, he needs somebody that is likely going to steer him clear from all the ideas that’ll bring him to the brink of disaster. he’s impulsive and in that desperate attempt to feel again, he’s very likely to bring a bit of mayhem upon himself. so while they may constantly worrying and attempting to talk his ideas down, he’s trying to get them to go along with his plan. it may be rare that he actually takes their advice, but when he does it seems to be for the best.

𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉 / 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖆𝖓𝖙 ( open connection ) : these two know how to have a good time together. despite the amount of alcohol they are throwing back and the shenanigans they find themselves in as a result, this is a time where they also find themselves confiding in one another. if you look at their camera rolls, it’s likely they have tons of embracing and unflattering videos and pics of one another, in between their sob-worthy confessionals and venting/rants. these two trust one another, and although they love getting wreckT together, they find themselves discussing very raw and personal details.

open to other connection you may have in mind! :’-) LMK!!!! <3 i love me some chemistry !!!

ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ( featured on arlo’s connections page here !! )

𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖍 𝖇𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖋𝖎𝖙𝖘 ( taken - simon peralta ) : these two went through rough break ups of their own, and a rebound didn’t sound too bad to either of them at the time things started. it may not occur all the time, but they sometimes still find themselves offering up to one another. this occurred more frequently then any of arlo’s one night stands, obvi, but it never surpassed anything other than the physical aspect of their relationship. the nature of their relationship outside of the bedroom can go either way !!! :’-)

𝖆 𝖇𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖋𝖔𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 ( taken - ali mallick ) : as if living together for the past two years wasn’t enough, ali & arlo are also roommates every summer that arlo attends the sclub reunions. these two are always laughing, and saying some ridiculous ish. you’ll likely hear loud jam sessions and howling laughter / the occasional excited shouting back and forth from their room in the late hours. they are truly nothing but a good time and tbh, they know it. that and the fact that they have the best hair in the villa. djfgnjkdfg FIGHT ME !!

𝖍𝖎𝖌𝖍 𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖔𝖑 𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 ( taken - shanley evans ) : these two began their relationship in their freshman year of high school - spending five years together before breaking up in their freshman year of college. * cries in sharlo * they were the “it” couple, no pennywise included … unless ? anyways, everyone thought that they were going to get married, and arlo was v much in love / thinking shanley was his romantic soulmate. yet when they did break up everyone was shookith - even the birds and the bees.

𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖞 𝖜𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖗𝖔𝖔𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 𝖇𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘 ( taken - ali mallick , willow finch , sirena rose ) : these four formed something strange. arlo is the drummer of the group, and also writes some songs for the group. they’ve blown up over the years and are a quite successful group.

𝖛 𝖘𝖎𝖇𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌-𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖕 ( taken - sirena rose / willow finch ) : these two have a love/hate relationship, very sibling like filled with pranks, competition, teasing and playful banter. however, when it comes down to it they have so much love and respect for one another. they know that no matter what happens they will always have one anothers back and be supportive of the other. pure relationship.

𝖗𝖎𝖉𝖊 𝖔𝖗 𝖉𝖎𝖊 ( taken - delilah jacobs ) : ride or dies ! need i say more ?? these two have one anothers backs despite anything and everything going on otherwise. they play in to one anothers antics and enjoy one anothers presence as they can likely be seen dragging one another across town and causing a bit of mayhem together. you can catch them in their beautiful, bitch #1 & #2 tee's.

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖈 𝖈𝖔𝖒𝖕𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖔𝖓 ( taken - ramona verdez ) : it would be wrong to say one is the more likely the bad influence over the other, although arlo may just be. these two find themselves bounding into, well hell, ( i guess??? ) together. playing on one anothers impulsiveness and if one ends up in the back of a police car, the other is handcuffed to them. and yet despite the length of their potential injuries, they find themselves thinking of something crazier to subject them to the next time around. with arlo having his law degree, he’s always able to squeeze them out of trouble before it gets too serious, so trust - it’s ok !!

𝖚𝖓𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊𝖑𝖞 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 / 𝖕𝖔𝖑𝖆𝖗 𝖔𝖕𝖕𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖊𝖘 ( taken - izzy de la rosa ) : these two may have ran in the same circle, but were complete opposites when it came down to their personalities / styles / perhaps even humor, so it was expected for them to stand their distance. however despite the odds, they just clicked !! opposites attract and what not, ya dig?? somehow their dynamic just works and they have a lot of fun together by introducing new things to one another.

#( ❛ ᴀʀʟᴏ ᴇᴅᴡᴀʀᴅꜱ | ɪɴᴛʀᴏ . )#so long - whewwww!#if you read all of this.....i owe you all of my love #schq:intro

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