#God this ended up becoming way longer than initially expected lmao

[just-ornstein]

N and/or T for the ask game? c:

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice): Since I already answered this one for Deltarune I'll be answering this one for my second primary interest, The Sims 2! :) 1. I wish Simmers cared less about what other people think on what they do in their Sandbox game at times. The most interesting stories and gameplays were those of Simmers who just fully played their game the way they wanted to. For example, Alpha CC often gets kinda looked down upon in the Sims 2 fandom nowadays and while the more realistic look definitely isn't my cup of tea I love how much time these Simmers put into their Sims and general enjoyment. Heck my favourite Sims Streamer plays with Alpha CC haha! Or heck, if you want to pair Buzz Grunt with Brandi Broke, please do that, have fun! Who cares how random some of it is.

2. I honestly would love to see more stuff related to Veronaville, Belladonna Cove and Desiderata Valley. The fandom really loves Pleasantview and Strangetown and while I definitely love those towns I feel like the other ones can be quite interesting as well sometimes and do deserve some love.

3. Would love to see more fanart, especially of the spin-off games, who get so little attention but are quite interesting. While it's quite easy to find when you know where to look, there are so many characters that would look so nice in art! :'D

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything): Answering this one for The Sims 2 and Deltarune hehe! I'm always bad with coming up with these from the top of my head so I may be forgetting a few but here are some that immediately pop in my mind:

For The Sims 2: - Tybalt Capp, Hal Capp, Orion Tricou, Annie Howell, Nervous Subject and Tank Grunt are all gay. Nothing can change this for me haha. I refuse to ever pair them with a Sim of the opposite gender. - Daniel Pleasant and Mary-Sue Pleasant both made mistakes in their relationship and will likely never manage to work out romantically. The best option for them is to get a divorce and once they've had the time to work on themselves I can see them becoming very close friends again, but that's also where it stays. - All of the Tricou Sims were Vampires and Jon Smith isn't a good person despite what his personality may tell you. - Veronaville is doomed to follow a similar fate to what they were based on, meaning many people will die. The only difference is that they may be able to write the ending to their tale. - Sims biology works very different, hence pretty much anyone would be able to have a biological kid, regardless of gender. This means two female Sims or two male Sims can also have biological kids. I mean heck, the game gives me this option, why not run with it? Sims 2 biology is way too much fun not to see what kids will look like! xD - Romeo Monty, Hermia Capp, Puck Summerdream, Hal Capp and Unborn Baby Broke (who is named Skippy in my game) are trans. I also really like the headcanon of trans Jenny Smith.

For Deltarune: - Jevil, Spamton, Berdly, Noelle, Rouxls, Diamond King and Swatch are all trans. (Of course Kris, Seam, Mettaton and Mew Mew are in canon, but I'm just mentioning headcanons here). - Darkners are NOT one or two days old. I really dislike the headcanon that they became sentient the moment their fountains were open. I feel like they are all AT LEAST as old as their Light World objects are, if not older. As of right now I headcanon while some Darkners came with their objects, some existed long before them and once an object came into the world with their properties they became connected to it. Upon being connected to an object their strengths and capabilities increase. The Fountains are moreso a bridge if anything that makes it possible for Lightners to properly interact with them or see them. - Spamton and Jevil were in a sense written to be each other's counterpart. A balance so to say. Hence while their first instinct is to dislike each other, they grow especially close and inseparable over time. - Kris is selectively mute and has a form of autism. They are capable of speaking at times, but when they can't they use sign language which most people around them know by now. Ralsei, Berdly and Noelle also have a form of Autism. - Both Spamton and Jevil have a form of Tourettes and ADHD. - The reason Rouxls enjoyed long dungeon walks is because of the fact he got to speak to most of the people King Spades inprisoned. This includes the Diamond King, with who he became especially close. - Rouxls was once married to King Spades. When King Spades turned out the way he did he stripped Rouxls off his title, but a part of him couldn't bear to part entirely with him, hence he got turned into the Duke of Puzzles. - Jevil is the direct cause of Seam's injuries, which happened during a performance and were the final blow that made King Spades decide to have Seam imprison him. - Seam is likely one, if not the most powerful entity we'll ever encounter in the Dark World. - The Weather People from Chapter 3 are siblings, twins to be more specific and I will die on this hill unless proven wrong lmao. Which knowing my luck will probably happen. :'D - Noelle was the one that caused so much destruction to the first half of Chapter 2. It's why Queen knew she was powerful and wanted to protect her from it, she's witnessed it first hand! - Spamton is not and has never been an Addison which is why he always struggled to fully fit in with them or sell properly. He looks an awful lot like them, but he still isn't an Addison. His hair also was never fully white. - Noelle is a lesbian, Susie is bi, Kris is pan, Berdly is bi, Ralsei is pan, Spamton is pan (which with Sweepstakes seems to be confirmed as canon?), Jevil is pan, Rouxls is gay, Queen is bi, Tasque is a lesbian. Aaand I can go on like this for a while haha. - After the events of the game Spamton sort of becomes Kris's adoptive uncle and Jevil Noelle's adoptive uncle. - Kris and Berdly become a couple somewhere in college. - More of a theory as of right now, but I headcanon there are multiple Knights, with there only being one TRUE Knight. - Another that's moreso a theory as of right now. But I think Ralsei is aware of the Player, knows outside knowledge and actively despises us. This is why he wants those moments alone with Kris so he can speak with them, one on one without having someone spying on them. I also don't think Ralsei is evil, but he will end up doing questionable things that will end up hurting his friends without him realizing it. - I refuse to believe Kris and Berdly dislike each other, especially after Sweepstakes. I feel like the two have a rival-like relationship and love to tease each other. But at the end of the day when all is said and done they regularly love playing games with each other and probably have the weirdest Minecrap server out of everyone haha. I mean heck, when you give the gift to Berdly Kris runs over to him of their own accord to hand it over haha. - I like to think Berdly is pretty good at painting and drawing!

Sooooo, that's all for now lmao! If I remember any that I might have missed, I'll post them somewhere over time! xD

#lizzy speaks #asks #sprout-tower #God this ended up becoming way longer than initially expected lmao #ask games #ask memes #deltarune #the sims 2

[sugar-petals]

SuperM as Boyfriends Headcanon

↪ caro’s note. extra long version because i miss ‘em. best boys, they’re all bf material to the moon and back ♡

5k words | bullet points

○ warnings ⚠️ 18+, dom/sub play, shibari, female reader, grinding, poly mentions, threesomes, face-sitting, femdom & vanilla, smut and fluff

⌈ ten

— motto: they won’t underestimate me for long.

most of your social environment is gonna be confused by ten at the beginning 

and don’t really get what he’s all about

or think he’s like whatever, some random guy in a tank top

acting peculiar

finding him kind of hard to gauge

some of your family and relatives might even think he’s totally unusual and a sneaky fuckboy making you mad 

they seriously wonder what you see in him

down the line that perception has turned by 180 degrees

as it should

ten becomes more irreplaceable, relatable, beautiful, perfect and impressive the more you know him

he’s not as mysterious and impossibly badass as everyone assumes

his personality is very approachable to you 

and you find him interesting in every aspect, looks to hobbies to background to personal habits

and also opinions because ten is a guy who really thinks stuff through

so you gotta be roughly on the same wavelength 

he likes discussing controversial and complicated stuff a lot for sure

being far wiser than his age suggests 

you are the first to share those things with him until the rest of the world catches up to this gem of a person

spending so much time with you

in the most personal way he can

he takes you to see the floating markets in bangkok, you spend the summer in thailand

wakeboarding and playing badminton

his entire family knows you inside out at some point this shit is serious

it’s very important to him to go back to the roots every now and then

and that you have been around his home city as well

getting to enjoy the area and time together eating the most savory delicacies

renting a boat and paddling you around to the important spots, he can explain any question you have

this kissing is gonna be so romantic 

who needs a vacation in venice when you can go to thailand with none other than ten himself as your ferryman let that sink in

except eating durian there he is, the boyfriend who can do anything!

with seemingly no effort

ten does little kind services of love for you throughout the day

he pours you herbal tea, fixes some furniture (he’s surprisingly good at tinkering), comes home from the bakery with your favorite pastry, does the laundry with your favorite fabric softener

he also goes on a huge shopping spree with you monthly because fashion is key in this household and it’s tremendous fun

you giggle when he puts on oversized shirts deliberately to look funny

everyone in the clothing store will think oh man what an adorable pair

ten will model the living hell out of the entire stock

and buy you the cape you really really want as a birthday present

said item turns out to be your favorite couple accessory

because you can sit next to each other on a bench at the river and wear it

what’s not to love about a portable blanket

of course he will take to instagram and make it such a cool thing, photographies of you wearing really cool coats and jackets

mirror bathroom selfies together as well, with a back hug, the classic

and not just for insta

you snuggle a lot generally

ten is always available for affection

and accepts all PDA

he’s a kitty after all, he loves the warmth of your body more than you know

remember how taemin said ten’s hands are always cold, newsflash not anymore since you stuff them into the pocket of your hoodie whenever you can

and hello sir your paws will be nice and cozy on my waist

or hand in hand when you waltz through your apartment

time for dance is a must

oh my god ten is so good at all of this

although say he’s definitely faster into latin than standard genres

tango argentino, he loves flamenco as well

don’t believe me? ten is a diehard rosalía stan!

vamos

so, no-brainer, expect a lot of dancy stuff 

that escalates into wild, passionate fucking

which probably looks like an aggressive form of couple exercises

you poor sore souls

ten’s lil kitty butt is falling apart from all the “i can handle a bigger one!”-level pegging and you have aching legs all over

favorite position? full nelson

if you ask me ten’s ass is probably so carved out by the end of this you could fit lucas and kai in there from head to toe

this is not for the faint of heart

sex with this guy is extra cardio

and if you’re into that a threesome is gonna go down sooner or later

with our girl lisa

there. i said it

miss manoban in those knee-high boots, grinding her thighs between yours and you finishing off on ten’s face? the fucking hottest thing ever i need a moment wow

i don’t have to tell you how orgasmic this is gonna be

steamy sex life with ten very recommended

⌈ kai

— motto: you’re like a precious rose. i’ll protect you forever.

to be straightforward with you

he is in so heavily in demand it’s madness

to give you an idea of the scale

mark is basically occupied by yuta until the end of time 

but kai has an entire idol fanclub on top of all erigoms

those sharp moves did not go unnoticed

he gets an inkigayo sandwich every other day

jesus christ

if rent-a-sexy-bf.com was a thing kai would be the most requested

his phone would be blowing up with contracts like

and you also have to pass kyungsoo’s vibe check

and taemin’s

the road to being kai’s gf is indeed the way of the samurai

i mean honestly: kim jongin is without a doubt the hardest member to get a date with

this has got to be the most selective man of the entire industry or something

if he likes you he REALLY likes you

and he will be the one showing initiative

because he wants to make it clear he isn’t just spending time out of politeness or something

although it’s pretty logical that if kai was unable to reject someone he would no longer be an idol but a harem husband busy every hour of the day

seoul would be able to found its own village 

kai town

where like 70% of the population is pregnant

but since kai wants to keep on dancing obviously and he wants to lend his heart to only one person 

seoul has to settle with a singular nini family house instead of a kai district

where you and the man himself are a full-fledged household basically since kai’s nieces double as actual kids

if you wanna be a young ass ‘mom but not mom with kids’ and be married to kim kai this is it

does he have a thing for milfs or something

that thought just came to my mind

anyway you’re mommy anyway wink wink

fucking til’ dawn until even his muscles hurt

going raw at the gym together

him cooking the most random food with the infamous waffle maker

cuddling with an army of teddy bears surrounding you

walking the dogs with the sexiest dancer alive 

and the sexiness is only the tip of the iceberg 

we know he’s all-round amazing

kai is the king of figuring out ways to chill out with you anywhere anytime

and yes innocent chilling

...unless you’re in the mood for something else

up to you

anyway

sweet innocent chilling for now... with the stunner... just smooching at best things aren’t going raw or anything

on the couch in the kitchen in the car when it’s parked somewhere in nature

kai takes you very seriously and is a great listener

he’s literally so respectful and open-minded i can’t

he will keep your secrets and stand up for you if it’s ever needed

yes he is extremely caring and invested

kai does not tolerate others being shady towards you

if there’s an instance where you are hurt and unable to assert yourself don’t worry. he knows how to confront others with measure but a firm determination.

kai takes a lot of that responsibility but only to the degree where you are comfortable

i think you get what i mean by that

and he is diplomatic instead of plain patronizing

you have a right to be protected. it means he not only treats you well, but also makes sure your well-being isn’t disturbed in any other way outside of the relationships

outside influences aren’t to be underestimated

and since kai is a godly man you encounter a lot of jealousy from others

a matter he will take into his hands since he knows he’s the reason

standing up for you also means saying no 

to these jealous voices so this is an important boundary he has to draw

that all kinds of hellbent people want to get into his pants and take his stage image too literally is not up to you to fix

kai is there for you to enjoy and love not to defend

that’d be exhausting and beside the point 

kai prevents stress and negativity to come to you

i hope i explained this well he doesn’t do this to be bossed up or make you weak it’s because he wants to make life easier for you

guys being protective will be chalked up as chauvinistic these days. often rightfully so 

but what i mean is that kai support you in all regards so you won’t be at a disadvantage or feel terrible about something

⌈ taeyong

— motto: we’ll take good care. enjoy the pleasure.

he’s the type of boyfriend who will ask you about things he missed out on while he was busy

things um from the internet

while mark literally knows that one by heart already taeyong will ask you things like what the wellerman song is

and you thought it would be something nsfw

i got you fooled

did we forget that the man literally watched nct memes on youtube

taeyong is both even more 18+ than you think but also even more innocent than you think it’s complicated

this man is just hard to describe he’s so different, i mean every person is unique but he’s an original it’s the extra mile you know

anyway

sea shanties

bopping to it all day since he just heard it 

singing it while he prepares dinner based on a youtube recipe video as he often does

he’s the most adorable person ever ever ever

asking you why shanties are back in fashion 

(good question, requires a deeper sociocultural analysis i reckon)

planning to remix one for his soundcloud lmao i kid you not

maybe your favorite shanty 

featuring fast-pace rap and all

creating his own previously unknown phrases and shit like that you know him

palazzo rocco lemon detox flashbacks

he’s hilarious i swear

taeyong will produce his own shanties for you can you imagine

as he says: my happiness is your happiness

watch out he will drop a shanty music video with extra krumping moves

taeyong is a never-ending source of pure crack

prepare to laugh a lot like, a lot lot

how can a man who seemingly has such a serious outlook on life and such a bonkers kinda face be so lighthearted

it’s like he’s peter pan or something

especially since he has to manage like over 20 brats in nct his cutesy behavior towards you as his gf will stand out to you

yeah so to be clear we all know he’s the cute one in the relationship

and guess who wears the pants

that’s always you ma’am don’t deny it

or wait 

not for long actually because they come off um physically

but not metaphorically

because who doesn’t wanna sit on his face tbh

your favorite reserved spot

he loves it

taeyong has such a thing for your body it’s ridiculous

mister lee got a sexy mama

and you have such a thing for the gloriousness that is him

but neither of you will not admit it as openly as other people would think

all there is... is being flustered

baekhyun probably has to play some cupid now and then

and give you some ideas

like gifting taeyong plushies and things like that

baekhyun knows what taeyong is all about so the advice is very welcome

but most things you find out for yourself

by being a little braver with him you know

you walking around naked in the apartment or basically fresh out the shower with nothing but a towel

will shake up taeyong so immensely, he will back himself against a wall without you even pinning him there lmao!

jeez he’s so deep into kinky stuff but easily shook anyway

i quote him again: “born to be cute, i dunno!”

you can imagine the overwhelm when you rub yourself against him like it’s nobody’s business

it’s so much fun to give taeyong a regular horny meltdown not gonna lie

this man was grinding his whole body all over the superm stage and now he’s basically freezing up and drooling

how many denied and ruined orgasms he’s gonna get, so much overstimulation all the way  

you’ll lose count of it

and just how wet you’re gonna be

is a thing for the history books

taeyong isn’t such a big deal in nct for no reason god gave him every talent 

so great sex is obviously in his repertoire

i think you’re gonna break some records for most fucks per week

you know... guys like lucas taemin kai and baekhyun spend more time wooing and teasing and flirting

but taeyong gets down to business

one glance is enough

⌈ lucas

— motto: the hottest couple around.

ah, big boy

you really got this man’s attention

doing nothing much at all really

he probably just saw you walking around talking to friends

carrying an impossibly huge veggie burger munching and enjoying yourself after going on a jog

yeah boy that’s how you catch his eye

they say love begins in the stomach and that is the true meaning

or the nose, your food smells really good, lucas is going crazy, he’s seeing stars and shit

anyway

the towering burger isn’t the only thing he wants

lucas cannot get you out of his mind no matter how much he tries to distract himself 

with more good food, movies, games

fooling around with wayv or the superm maknaes, and working out

he’s admittedly... a little himbo head over himbo heels with you the feels got to him

he’s not gonna say it’s a date he’s just gonna invite you just because

to hang out in the kitchen while taeyong cooks and baekhyun comes up with the idea to play twister

imagine lucas with his long arms and legs bending himself all over the place

fighting with kai who almost crashed his shoulders into taemin who avoided the accident quickly

making you lose a round

obviously lucas will hustle until your team wins

mostly because he’s so tall and baekhyun is so small which is a huge advantage when stacking each other over the map

let’s just face it baekhyun only suggested this game to bite everyone’s butts and to see you have skinship with lucas

which is definitely a successful plan of the leader

yukhei is in paradise 

jumping around his room like an oversized bunny after you went home

don’t lie, you fell hard for him as well he’s just such a presence

emotionally, physically

a gentle but persistent giant

he’ll do anything to make your relationship happen once he knows you’re interested

if there’s someone meant to be a boyfriend it’s gotta be him come on

he will cave in after a while and admit he can’t just forget about you 

not gonna lie

your ex is gonna be shaking in his ratty boots

his poor eyes will literally jop from their unexpecting sockets

when he sees lucas hanging out with you

with his shining blonde hair and tall stature, that perfect shapely body, with great fashion on top of that

looking like your guardian angel

man, xuxi really does

pulling you out of your slump that’s been going on for months

and bringing back smiles and a good time he knows how to do that best

and big big hugs of course

you can imagine how soothing and grounded it feels with such huge arms around you

he will make sure that feeling is always there when you need it

because you deserve that treatment

which means he will come over very very often

yeah get ready for how yukhei is a lot more driven than you think just dial and he will be there

underneath the meme surface is someone very determined who really really wants you

yukhei is chaotic good incarnate but in that area he isn’t messing around

his brain is like: “gotta be with her”

on repeat

he must call you, he literally can’t sleep without tying loose ends together as quickly as possible

no second wasted with this guy, even far down the relationship timeline

i really pity your ex 

i mean someone dating any superm member would drive their former partner completely nuts 

but lucas is a special case

he has that kind of look and aura that makes other guys dig themselves into the ground like wiggling worms or cope by fanboying over him

i don’t wanna make this sound like a competition and yet — congrats on your noodly blondie boyfriend alright

⌈ mark

— motto: two nerds in love.

how to explain this. mark is a perfect balance of a lover, a talker, and a shy bean

with a tendency toward bean

and flicking the bean

you know

cutting right to the chase are we

mark is very invested in pleasing you as good as he can

and defeating his awkwardness

because if we know one thing it’s that he always strives to become better and better like he can’t help it

and isn’t afraid of almost biting off more than he can chew

how many subunits is he part of at this point is it gonna be nct hollywood as well god dangit

back to the point mark doesn’t treat relationships and sex as something static which is a good and rare thing

he does his best and always looks for room to improve

while being very nervous, very bilingual, it takes two languages or more to express what he thinks about you let that sink in

that’s very shaky first date sex while being extremely in love with each other

lucky you

and an afterglow where he plays the guitar for you

that’s so nice 

he can play it while laying down and shit

while singing

not rapping, actual full-fledged serenading

we’ve heard how that sounds in the relay cam

are you dating some kind of teenage heartthrob or something huh

mark will make it very clear he’ll stick around, this bad bitch is here to stay

or actually, he’s a good bitch, don’t misunderstand

mark doesn’t have a lot of edgy in him unless rap is concerned

he’s the kinda guy to get lost in IKEA with 

having a good time 

as often as his schedule permits

you really have to make use of your time together 

this man might as well the busiest idol out there

and you are no different because birds of a feather

you’re both mr. and ms. independent 

out and about very often

so meeting up becomes something special during comeback season

or wait mark always has a comeback going on

which is a double-edged sword but something you both know you signed up for 

which is why you spend a lot of time around NCT dream, 127, and SuperM 

sm’s publicity agents have to work extra hard i’m telling you

a dating rumor is the last thing both of you would need

since you befriend several members you gotta stay on the low as well

but hey the rage of jealous people of the public is nothing compared to the force of nature that is yuta nakamoto

who seriously thinks himself threatened and robbed

in case you are feeling possessive as well...

...you might have to fistfight yuta

to be able to be with mark

who is basically property of osaka at this point

yuta is a scorpio that’s just the way it is

unlike taeyong who wishes his rap buddy the best, yuta kinda wants to be mark’s wingman and see him date, live his best life

but also have mark for himself to fawn over and to adore, to be fascinated by

we get it yuta. bisexual struggles. very understandable

you have to promise in person that mark doesn’t forget about the holy gaming nights with yuta 

which is hilarious since that’s not up to you but mark’s memory

bestie, yuta uses everyone as a scapegoat don’t sweat it too much

regardless you put a weekly reminder on the fridge

so the roaring lion yuta would be pacified

he doesn’t want to lose his sweetheart can you blame him

the ultimate but also most risky solution is obviously inviting yuta for movies 

which will be appreciated but also cause a storm

mark will definitely break a sweat when you start a popcorn war or try to prove who hugs mark the best 

caught in the middle of mayhem is mark lee’s specialty what did you expect

this either ends with murder or a chaotic open relationship down the line

yuta really is attached but who wouldn’t be

it could be worse mark has double the love you know 

⌈ baekhyun

— motto: you wanna know why i’m your candy?

baby tell me are you ridin’?

in fair verona where we lay our scene...

that baekhyun always wants to woo you — his way, which proves to be very interesting to say the least — is never hard to miss

putting in effort is mochi default mode 

no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in

he might as well regularly serenade you under your balcony in the backyard just because

probably singing ‘baby we can stay up’ and wiggling his ass in all directions because he’s a dirty boy gone wild

yeah. nowadays romeo is twerking instead of feuding with tybalt

that’s good for him and everyone involved

you in particular because you get some very racy eye candy

you know how baekhyun is

at least nobody’s around seeing him put on an 18+ show like that

your little guy is one unhinged fella

if it starts pouring he will grind up and down the next lantern and belt out ‘singing in the rain’

you bet he can do some actual pole dance

he’s strong and bendy you know

and loves to gyrate his whole bag of bones like... he wants to hit you with all the body rolls

in the rain

what a freaky man

but hey you wanna stay up for sure 

doesn’t take long until you beckon him to come upstairs

where the only way to alleviate him of his wet clothes—

oh well he has those roger rabbit vibes and you can’t be mad at it

he will play off all his hormonal antics

baekhyun is hilarious

and so perverted, he can keep up with your spicy idea of playing patty-cake don’t worry

how do i know you’re an extra nsfw kinda person?

who else would like baekhyun

he says juicy things all the time

and does juicy things

yes. finally a couple on eye level indeed. 

when baekhyun asks are you ridin’ you ask how hard 

bruh

this is gonna be fun

and remember

beside handing you sacks of money

his priority is always to make you smile

i’m kidding about the bags but

baekhyun is so rich it’ll show in your relationship, but he’s more about the interactions with you rather than the lifestyle

baekhyun didn’t hustle for a bentley he hustled to sing and get out of sm alive alright

financial stability: important

luxury: very nice to have, he can make you the presents you want to have and travel a lot together

but smiles: baekhyun priority

because he so badly wants to know you love him and adore him, he sometimes feels so insecure

of course you do

you always reassure him with your reactions

it’s very important to him don’t underestimate it

baekhyun has always been talking about his ideal type in terms of how he can cheer her up

so even the naughtiest sexy time evenings are gonna be filled with all giggles

anyway other than that your pussy will be dripping

because this guy is as horny as all other members of super m combined

and you have your ways of leaving him tongue-tied and wrists-tied

taemin’s impact

superm isn’t short of bondage supplies we all know that

so yeah. shibari baekhyun is gonna happen

since he does pilates imagine what kinda shapes you can bend this lil guy into

and take some pictures

privé is in trouble 

bondage model baekhyun is bursting onto the scene

you might even run a risque blog that features cropped pictures with him

heh — you think people will recognize him by his body?

nope

first: you only upload HD pictures that aren’t whitewashed

baekhyun is basically never photographed like that

second: who expects baekhyun to be featured on a bdsm blog with his girlfriend

and this is the guy that drives you around in his expensive car with his big black shades on 

well what can i say

nothing is the way it seems

⌈ taemin

— motto: i’ll unfold a whole new world for you.

taemin is cocky, he’s sensual, and: a very smiley person as we know

least boring relationship ever

he will prance toward you whenever he can to involve you in cuddles

touch-starved taemin is a thing

kkoong can tell you about it, he needs kisses and embraces so often

might as well pepper him with it no problem

and put him into your oversized sweaters when he eats ice cream on the sofa, watching movies, and you brush his ever-growing hair

he’s smol he’s gonna fit into them don’t worry

and on the other hand he likes a rough and tough girl who thinks of him like a boy toy

who acts tsundere or like his bodyguard

working out almost daily to the point of sweat all over

a gal probably able to pretzel minho lucas and chanyeol into one giant bundle

taemin truly has the taste of a divo

multi-layered as always

so you couldn’t say the relationship is always the same in sentiment, the vibe of the dynamic could be different every day

we love a complex man

what would be volatile to others is actually an advantage up close

because taemin understands every difficult facet of himself and his partner 

even if those facets might be contradictory

or something that’s felt shameful about

he will accept and listen anyway

the same goes for getting what drives you

taemin is like a walking psychology velvet couch with fancy swirls as arm rests

point is he isn’t fooled by the surface of the world

he knows what has to be known

which also means your looks aren’t the part he prioritizes

and not even outward personality and habit is what he’s drawn to

it’s the mentality and values underneath

that’s true compatibility to him and he can feel it

he’s really really smart

and also finds it important that you get along with shinee and superm, that you think they’re nice to be around and vice versa

especially kai as taemin’s absolute bearly bestie. if kai thinks you’re shady and you don’t like kai either

or if you’re permanently super awkward and taemin’s moodmaking doesn’t help

we have a problem

but fair enough

kai and taemin are basically one soul at this point so if taemin likes you jongin does anyway 

bff telepathy

in fact jongin was probably the one introducing you to taemin lmao!

because he knows you go well together instinctively and he is correct

so not to worry then

and it’s good on taemin to think longterm and not see you as a person outside of social interaction y’know

cough cough he thinks about marriage, you might be ms. lee one day

here he goes again taemin is just very mature seeing you as well-rounded in every aspect of life

without letting his dick make the important decisions at the detriment of making this a relationship of two lives not just two bodies only

but obviously don’t assume taemin is no horny devil. we all know he dreams of the freakiest scenarios and fantasies in this whole group

going kinda crazy about the thought of making you cum which he always wants to try with new methods

which occupies his mind more than a big bowl of super spicy noodles which is taemin’s favorite meal so

at the same time taemin junior is definitely the same clingy attention whore as his sparkly owner

limp wrists from all the handjobs on your side

and very swollen lips from giving all that head on his side

this is gonna be interesting

he puts the 6v6 in 69

equals 69v69 am i right

but i’m serious that’s gonna be a lot of oral action

you definitely ask each other about having sex very often, daily if you have the time and find a nice spot

and how on earth do both of you keep your hands off each other sleeping in one bed

taemin is touchy as hell with no shyness, and you squish squeeze and grope this guy like the mochi he is

ah when things go both ways

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2021. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate. all depictions fictional.

#super m #super m smut #super m fluff #super m x reader #superm #superm x reader #superm scenario #baekhyun smut #kai smut #lucas smut #mark lee smut #ten smut #taeyong smut #taemin smut #superm fluff #baekhyun x reader #taemin x reader #lucas x reader #kai x reader #mark lee x reader #taeyong x reader #ten x reader

[skyeventide]

my trsb fic has so many notes to the text that they didn’t fit within the ao3 notes’ section character limit lmao, so here is the lengthier version of it. you can consider it a teaser I guess? but either way, I need some place to store these and link them back in the fic.

contents here, cut for length

on the matter of the mother of Gil-Galad

Celebrimbor’s names

shibbolething all over Thauron’s name

actual quotes and canon

On the matter of the mother of Gil-Galad

Meril-i-Turinqi is a Book of Lost Tales character, lady of Tol Eressea, kin of In(g)we but also similar to the Solosimpi, which is to say the Teleri.

The character of "Meril" on the other hand, is a proto-Amarie, Finrod's love interest. In the early draft of Meril's appearance, Finrod is married and is father of Gil-Galad: this draft is obviously discarded and Finrod becomes childless, while Meril transforms into Amarie, who does not join the exile. Gil-Galad is instead transferred to Orodreth, which iirc is Tolkien's last word on the matter (I don't count the Fingon thing as even canon-adjacent, ChrisT was quite clear in admitting the mistake). Now I recall Orodreth is said to be married to a Sinda; why did I discard that? Cause I initally forgot it. Rip to me and Orodreth.

However, what I had was: a proto-Amarie, who is a Vanya, and a BoLT character who is of the family of Ingwe (so a Vanya), but also like the Teleri (so of the third clan, even though not a Sinda). And so Meril-proto-Amarie became Meril-i-Turinqi, wife of Orodreth.

The full headcanon on Meril here would have her as daughter of a Vanya who is kin of Ingwe and of Telerin nobility (or royalty? they're all big on intermarrying between royal families), which fulfills both sides of the coin and also stays true to the statement that Elenwe is the sole full-Vanya to join the exile (I'm gonna assume this excludes any non-royalty followers). Now regarding the parentage of Orodreth, he is here son of Angrod, as I feel that is a better option in almost all respects. This poses some issues with regard to age, as I recall Orodreth-son-of-Angrod and Idril as being named the only two non-adults to do the journey to ME (again... this surely excludes any non-royalty youngsters, but nonetheless). Obviously these issues grow even further if one also includes the matter of Celebrimbor being Aman-born to a wife who doesn't follow Curufin (and therefore the matter of his age at the time of exile), but reconciling these versions is borderline impossible with how the origins of Celebrimbor keep changing throughout the conception of the legendarium.

Long story short, I up the age of Orodreth to be at least old enough to speak softly with Finarfin (here his grandfather) during the flight of the Noldor, but I have him already married though childless. Finduilas is born early into the exile and Gil-Galad is her younger brother.

Meril returns to Aman at the end of the First Age and rules Tol Eressea for the exiles who are stuck there until the Ban is fully lifted.

Celebrimbor's names

FN = father-name, MN = mother-name

I do not claim to have come up with "Tyelperinquar is an epesse", that headcanon, which nonetheless I'm sure happened separately for other people, is one I first read in a fic by Tyelperintal on AO3. That of course means that I could no longer go with the FN Curufinwe MN Tyelperinquar option, and needed another mother-name, which I also borrowed from the same story, and went for Ilvanon, "the perfect". It's pretty, and also speaks of a mix of high expectations and love.

What in this story made me accept the epesse headcanon is the matter of the origin of "T(y)elperinquar" as a name. Vinyar Tengwar (and most recently also NoME) explains how "silver fist" is a name common among the Teleri, famous for their ability to smith silver even among the Noldor, and it is also mentioned how other similar names, such as Tegilbor "calligrapher", are given to people based on their skill. This, however, directly contradicts the fact that elves don't give the same name to more than one person. That statement is problematic in itself (impossible that all elves across all time are aware of all names that ever have been used -- and also of course there's the usual royalty exceptions, that however may well be exceptions because they are royalty), but if it is a common name among the Teleri and we are to keep the duplicate names lore in mind... my only solution is that it's a coveted epesse, given to the very skilled.

Celebrimbor picks it as his chosen and preferred name over FN, already shared by two people and preferred as chosen name by his father, and the potential arrogance of picking his MN with its meaning.

This still led me to problems of both spelling and language choices.

As far as spelling goes, there's several variations. I'm marking with * the one that is not canonically attested, but can be inferred.

Pure Telerin: Telperimpar

Quenya-Telerin compound that maintains the Telerin spelling of silver: Telperinquar

As above, but shortened: Telpinquar

Pure Quenya: *Tyelperinquar

Pure Quenya, shortened: Tyelpinquar

I use all these except the last one at various stages: I decided (though I go back and forth on this) that his household might have used pure Quenya, and his mother sticks to it; the person in Tirion panicks and uses the shortened version Telpinquar, which together with Telperinquar (Telerin spelling maintained) was more common among the Noldor. The Tirion passage exemplifies the uses and applications of these names, how they were given and altered.

This leads me to problems of language and POV, Celebrimbor vs Tyelperinquar. His mother, in her POV, always uses the latter, but Celebrimbor himself uses the former. The true problem here was adapting my feeling that Celebrimbor would be far more used to thinking of himself as Celebrimbor (as opposed to the Quenya name) vs Tolkien's statement that elves do not use names in another language when speaking in X language. This doesn't stay wholly true through the legendarium and the texts, so it's something I've decided to partially ignore when it comes to POV, though I tend to stick to it in first person dialogue. Something that again I try to tackle in the text itself -- when Galadriel tells Celebrimbor which language to speak and which name to use for her.

I am not entirely satisfied with all my choices here and I might revisit them in the future, but for the moment, here we go.

Shibbolething all over Thauron's name

Another language and spelling headache. As I encountered the problem of Sauron, I encountered that of the spelling of his name: the eternal TH/S issue. Were I to have Celebrimbor's mother, and Celebrimbor himself, stick to the Shibboleth? I initially attempted to circumvent this by using Gorthaur, but the issue described just above, about mixing languages, yet again bit me in the ass.

Of course it comes down to characterisation: would Mrs Curufin stick to the Shibboleth, and would Celebrimbor? The matter with Celebrimbor was that I don't believe he spoke Quenya with any real frequency after the Nargothrond business, not as a choice but rather due to circumstances and preferences of those around him. With Ercasse, the conflict is part of the character, and that sadly meant that the TH/S choice became less of a personal choice and more of a political one, as usual.

That got me thinking about the circumstances around her and something interesting came to me: Finarfin spoke Quenya with the Shibboleth, because of the Teleri. And in the Darkening he becomes king in Tirion, and also has to adjust things with the Teleri -- not an easy task, imo, when he turns back only after the pronunciation of the Doom, and not just after the kinslaying occurred. Additionally, the Vanyar spoke preserving TH. Additionally x2, by the Fourth Age, Exilic Quenya (which uses S) is associated with those who rebelled and returned to Aman -- meanwhile any Sindar preserved TH naturally, as it's a sound that never went out of use in Sindarin.

So I chose to take these things and make something of it. If Finarfin maintains TH to keep the Telerin influence; if the Noldor who remain in Aman decide to step closer to the Vanyar in an anti-rebellion reactionary manner and to conform to the speech of the king; if Exilic Quenya gains the lower status of language of the exiles; and considering the canon fact that in later ages the elves are more likely to preserve language rather than change it -- what are our chances that Shibbolething gains opposite connotations as time passes? My conclusion was high chances. So I decided to implement it.

And so Ercasse doesn't have to think about her personal allegiances anymore and has a path built in for herself in these social changes. And Sauron is Thauron. (Unless Galadriel is talking: she doesn't Shibboleth, and uses “Sauron” and “Sindarin”.)

Quotes and canon

Many things I wrote are based on canon snippets. Here I tried to collect them.

On Celebrimbor and the mention of the bath of flames in his speech. It isn't, in fact, a corny lineage reference, but rather a metaphysical or pseudo-physical concept of purification from the Lost Tales:

Yet now the prayers of [their parents] came even to Manwe [the highest Valar], and the Gods had mercy on their unhappy fate, so that those twain Turin and Nienori entered into ... the bath of flame... and so were all their sorrows and stains washed away, and they dwelt as shining Valar among the blessed ones, and now the love of that brother and sister is very fair;

On the naming of Mithril (appears in the upcoming Nature of Middle Earth, as well as already published in Vinyar Tengwar):

[Celebrimbor] was a great silver-smith, and went to Eregion attracted by the rumours of the marvellous metal found in Moria, Moria-silver, to which he gave the name mithril.

On Celebrimbor's ambition and assorted choices, from Letter 131: 

In the first we see a sort of second fall or at least ‘error’ of the Elves. There was nothing wrong essentially in their lingering against counsel, still sadly with the mortal lands of their old heroic deeds. But they wanted to have their cake without eating it. They wanted the peace and bliss and perfect memory of ‘The West’, and yet to remain on the ordinary earth where their prestige as the highest people, above wild Elves, dwarves, and Men, was greater than at the bottom of the hierarchy of Valinor. They thus became obsessed with 'fading’, the mode in which the changes of time (the law of the world under the sun) was perceived by them. They became sad, and their art (shall we say) antiquarian, and their efforts all really a kind of embalming – even though they also retained the old motive of their kind, the adornment of earth, and the healing of its hurts. […] But many of me Elves listened to Sauron. He was still fair in that early time, and his motives and those of the Elves seemed to go partly together: the healing of the desolate lands. Sauron found their weak point in suggesting that, helping one another, they could make Western Middle-earth as beautiful as Valinor. It was really a veiled attack on the gods, an incitement to try and make a separate independent paradise.

Legolas and Aragorn and my choice to use the word love:

"[...]Yet whatever is still to do, I hope to have a part in it, for the honour of the folk of the Lonely Mountain." "And I for the folk of the Great Wood," said Legolas, "and for the love of the Lord of the White Tree [Aragorn]."

Celebrimbor and the Elessar. It must be noted that this Celebrimbor is not Celebrimbor son of Curufin, but I still liked the tidbit of lore. From there my choice to have three different Elessar stones, one made by Feanor, one by Enerdhil of Gondolin, one by Celebrimbor (in the fic redressed to Celebrimbor son of Curufin, and without the romantic love for Galadriel):

But he did not say to Galadriel that he himself was of Gondolin long ago. Therefore he took thought, and began a long delicate labour, and so for Galadriel he made the greatest of his works (save the Three Rings only).And it is said that more subtle and clear was the green gem that he made than that of Enerdhil, but yet its light had less power. For whereas that of Enerdhil was lit by the Sun in its youth, already many years had passed ere Celebrimbor began his work, and nowhere in Middle-earth was the light as clear as it had been, for though Morgoth had been thrust out into the Void and could not enter again, his far shadow lay upon it.Radiant nonetheless was the Elessar of Celebrimbor; and he set it within a great brooch of silver in the likeness of an eagle rising upon outspread wings.

On the vale and the stream where Formenos is located, I utilised this passage from Lost Tales:

[...] here the entire people of the Noldoli are ordered to leave Kor for the rugged dale northwards where the stream Híri plunged underground, and the command to do so seems to have been less a punishment meted out to them by Manwe than a pre-caution and a safeguard. In connection with the place of the banishment of the Noldoli, here called Sirnúmen ('Western Stream') [...]

Relevant LotR quotes about the Eregion passages, used for soil description extrapolations and other elements:

Suddenly Gimli, who had pressed on ahead, called back to them. He was standing on a knoll and pointing to the right. Hurrying up they saw below them a deep and narrow channel. It was empty and silent, and hardly a trickle of water flowed among the brown and redstained stones of its bed; but on the near side there was a path, much broken and decayed, that wound its way among the ruined walls and paving-stones of an ancient highroad. ‘Ah! Here it is at last!’ said Gandalf. ‘This is where the stream ran: Sirannon, the Gate-stream, they used to call it. But what has happened to the water, I cannot guess; it used to be swift and noisy. Come! We must hurry on. We are late.’ [...] "...there is a wholesome air about Hollin. Much evil must befall a country before it wholly forgets the elves, if once they dwelt there." "That is true", said Legolas. "But the Elves of this land were of a race strange to us of the silvan folk, and the trees and the grass do not now remember them: Only I hear the stones lament them: deep they delved us, fair they wrought us, high they builded us; but they are gone. They are gone. They sought the Havens long ago."

More TBA if anything comes to mind.

#writing stuff #trsb21

[sneakydraws]

Well, here it is - a lengthy explanation of each card in my mdzs major arcana deck and what I meant to convey/what i would have changed in retrospect/what alternatives i considered! It’s a bit messy and my typing style is lazy but hopefully it will be an interesting read to some of you :)

And so you don’t say I didn’t warn you - jiang cheng’s section (11 justice) is absurdly long lmao

0 the fool  I elaborated on this in the post itself but yeah basically jin ling is kind of representative of all the damage and trauma caused by the past, and there’s a kind of danger there of him falling victim to the same vices as the older characters and repeating the same mistakes and perpetuating the cycle of war and misery (the cycle that we already see with how the jin sect became the new wen sect, and later with how jgy became the new wwx) and he has a lot of room to grow! He grows so much over the course of the novel, comes to realise the complexities of the past and gets a harsh life lesson in how nothing is as black and white as it seems. But ill save talking about his progress for the end, for now whats important is that he has room to grow and also a dog. I don’t really have a justification for the sun, i mostly just thought it looked sick? It made its way to the next card as well, where it makes a bit more sense, but then i realised it was a dumb motif to include 1 the magician I still very much like wwx for the role, and that illustration would have probably had him raising a corpse on his left and pointing threateningly to the sun on his right. I considered including the table as well, with some mdzs relevant items replacing the card suits. Anyway, like i said wwx got a few cards to himself already so i went with the alternative wq design, since i think she fits the card as well. Both she and wwx are highly skilled people, extremely driven once they set their mind to something. The card to me symbolises the creative mind as well as a general drive for action, which fits them both - wwx was famously a prolific inventor, and wq came up with a previously unheard of surgery, after all. This card strays pretty far from the rider-waite deck design, largely because i was still figuring out how i wanted to approach this series, but you can still see the influence. 2 the high priestess I was actually going to skip this card at first because I couldn’t think of a fitting character, but once i considered a qings character post death, it all fit pretty well. She was already a highly intuitive person in life, and in sharing her memories with wwx she is, in a way, relaying a kind of secret knowledge. Anyway she’s one of my fav characters so im glad i got a chance to include her. The coffins could be interpreted to be xxc and sl or xxc and xy 3 the empress Theres other mother figures in mdzs who got to be mothers for a longer time, but jyl definitely embodies the positive aspects of this card the best. She’s nurturing, kind, emotionally supportive, she already mothered wwx and jc quite a bit when she was young. Plus i liked that the rw card had both water and flowers, making an easy lotus connection. In retrospect the stars look kind of out of place and i should have replaced them with something more relevant... Also, i should have had her hold a lotus seed pod instead of a flower, haha 4 the emperor Like i said I considered jc for the role but hoching bullied me into admitting that nmj was better… they’re both more of an inverted emperor than an upright one but then again theres hardly any character in mdzs who would fit upright emperor so. Jgs was also considered but he’s even uglier than nmj so i couldn’t bear to draw him 5 the hierophant It was pointed out to me that lqr would have fit this card better and the truth if that statement haunts me to this day. Unfortunately I have no space in my brain for lqr so lxc got the role instead. My main reason was his role during the wen destruction of gusu lan, when he ran away with the contents of the library - this is why there’s bookshelves behind him. The keys, take, from the rider-waite deck, are meant to represent the gusu pendants that allow you to enter 6 the lovers Im sure many people would have chosen wangxian here but I uhh don’t really care abt wangxian personally? And also their love story is so convoluted that jyl and jzx seem idyllic by comparison lol. Also i didnt really have an idea for who to put in the angel’s place for wangxian… mme jin certainly did not get these two together in the end but undeniably she and mme yu did initially give them a chance to fall for each other so. Thats something i guess. Anyway the trees became their sects’ flowers and the mountain became the burial grounds - an omen of their tragic fate, basically 7 the chariot There might have been other characters who fit this card better but i couldn’t really think of another card for lwj and i thought it would be weird to not include him… anyway i don’t really care for current timeline lwj BUT i do like that he was clearly influenced by wwx to walk his own path in life based on his moral convictions rather than follow his sect’s rules blindly. The chariot is to me a card of self control, self determination and focused action, so it seemed fitting. The composition felt kind of empty without the actual chariot so i padded it out with the guqin, the cloud recess in the bg (it doesn’t look great but i tried to replicate the drama design….) and the bunnies which conveniently fit the colour scheme of the sphinxes in the rider-waite design 8 strength Like i said before, my interpretation of this card is more… morally ambiguous than the quote unquote official meaning, so i thought about manipulative or duplicitous characters more than kind characters whose strength is expressed through gentleness (though i did consider jyl briefly for the latter interpretation). As such, i considered both jgy and nhs, but ended up going with jgy largely because i couldn’t pass up the opportunity to put the nie sect’s beast as the lion. 9 the hermit My thoughts immediately went to bssr lol. It may be an overly literal interpretation but whatever, i like it just fine. And i like that i managed to echo the rider-waite silhouette in the mountain and the tree (and even in bssr herself) 10 wheel of fortune God i love the parallels between these 2… this card to me is about how you cant trust your current situation, good or bad, to last forever, and these 2 embody that perfectly imo. Wwx went from son of a well off servant and a powerful cultivator, to street rat orphan, to adopted son of sect leader jiang, to double orphan, to MIA, to terrifying but admired warrior, to terrifying and despised traitor, to dead, to, at the very end, suddenly respected and trusted again. The dishonesty and cheapness of whatever the public’s current opinion of him is is portrayed beautifully as far as im concerned. And jgy of course claws his way up to power only to instantaneously become public enemy number one, to the point that he’s probably blamed for stuff there’s no reason to believe he had a hand in. Wei wuxian’s silent astonishment at how quickly the cultivation world turns against jgy and towards him again is a delicious moment of thematic resonance.  11 justice I settled on this card for jc after he got booted from the emperor seat but i do think it fits, in a somewhat convoluted way. I turned both the sword and the scales into visual representations of the golden core transfer (can you tell im obsessed with it). According to biddy tarot, the justice card is partly about searching for the truth, and the scene where jc finds out about the transfer is of course a big deal. I was also very influenced by the reversed meaning again - which is about being reluctant or unwilling to face or accept the consequences of your actions. I feel on an intuitive level that this fits jc but I’m not sure how well i can explain it - it’s something about how he’s a little too comfortable scapegoating wwx for things that were also, if much less so, influenced by his actions, and also something about the way he keeps wwx at an arm’s length emotionally but still leans on him and accepts his support when he really needs it, and somewhat hypocritically expects wwx to put the needs of him and the jiang sect before the needs of others. And also something about the core exchange is the consequence and proof of wwx’s deep - terrifyingly deep, even - love and care for him, which is something jc doesn’t seem to let himself acknowledge. Maybe even something about how you could argue that the way all of the jiangs acted around wwx - jfm’s favouritism that left him with the feeling of a debt he needs to repay, mme yus insistence that he be a servant more than a brother to jc, prepared to give his life for jc, and jc’s own unwillingness - or inability, he was a child after all - to clearly acknowledge wwx as an equal to himself, enabling wwx’s self sacrificial and protective tendencies - that all of this was what caused wwx’s complete and unquestioning willingness to do whatever it took to protect jc, and therefore paved the way to the golden core transfer. And i don’t mean this to be scapegoating jc - especially considering how young he was when this all went down, it wouldn’t be fair to expect this level of emotional perceptiveness, awareness and maturity of him - but i think adult jc has to grapple with the fact that the chain of cause and effect was not as simple as wwx fucking everyone’s lives up to be a martyr, and that both jc and his parents had a role in that story as well. I don’t even necessarily think this is something that jc only realised in the current timeline - i think it’s something he felt on some level this whole time, and it probably led to a lot of feelings of guilt - but the suibian reveal definitely puts it in sharp focus, and i think he’s now better equipped to handle this introspection than he was as a recently orphaned, traumatised teenager, lol. ANYWAY the window with the fabric is both a nod to the rider-waite design and a reference to the destruction of lanling - i actually did some basic ass research for this, and it seems that in ancient china fabric would indeed be hanged in a window if the normally used paper was damaged. The design of the window, as well as the very idea to use it to imply the reconstruction of lanling, was taken from this great piece of jc angst by my pal moroll1! Oh yeah also the covered window kind of works as a denial of forgiveness for jc because it’s like a halo but covered up... Also I completely forgot to put a blindfold over his eyes which would be perfectttt because blind justice and the core exchange......... ok moving on 12 the hanged man I always have issues with this card because i cant find a satisfactory summary of what it’s really about. Best i can tell it symbolises a need to hit pause, surrender or let go of something… ive also seen it tied to sacrifice? So mo xuanyu doesn’t fit perfectly, but sacrifice is definitely there in a surface level reading kind of way, and the idea that you have to surrender or let go in order to achieve your goal does fit the whole deal of getting revenge but giving up your life in exchange and not being there to see it 13 death This is probably one of my favourite cards, definitely not because I have huge issues with change or anything…. I see this card as signalling the necessity of change or putting an end to something / leaving something in the past in order to start anew? At first i considered putting past wwx, mxy and current wwx here as a kind of transformation and one cycle flowing into the next... But firstly, I’d already used mxy in the very previous card, so putting him in again would feel like overkill, and secondly, the longer I thought about it the less convinced I was that this would even fit with the card’s meaning? Because coming back from the dead doesn’t like... trigger an internal transformation within wwx or anything? Anyway, fun fact: the design I ended up going with was actually originally intended for judgement! I thought I was being very clever with the whole “figure plays an instrument and the dead rise” parallel, but apparently I’d just completely forgotten that the judgement card had a completely different composition... Truly I was boo boo the fool... But yeah anyway at the end of the day I figured the design would kind of work for death as well, with Wen Ning and the theme of transformation, (since in his case coming back as a fierce corpse does actually mark a certain transformation in behaviour) and Wei Wuxian’s protection of the Wen people essentially signifying an attempt to break the cycle of oppression if that makes any sense? Like, wwx is trying to revolutionise the way the world works a bit, if you catch my drift 14 temperance  The centrist card! Again this is probably going off track from the “official” interpretation, but to me this card has a certain “don’t commit fully; do everything in moderation; don’t take either side” flavour to it that i personally find infuriating irl and that i very much assign to lxc. It’s entirely possible that I’m misinterpreting his character because i didn’t really pay him (and the 3zun in general) much mind while reading, but hell, I’m allowed to pick favourites and choose who i want to interpret deeply vs shallowly. Again, i wish id chosen lqr for hierophant because its so annoying for a character i don’t care about to get two cards…. But oh well 15 the devil My alternative idea for this was jgy as the devil and lxc plus nmj as the figures, but since all three had been featured already (multiple times, even!) i figured I’d go with xy instead, especially since he’s among my faves lol. I think the devil signifies something along the lines of unhealthy attachment, obsession or addiction, which isn’t 100% accurate in the case of xxc and a-qing, but if i stretch it a bit to cover toxic relationships in general, and especially manipulation or negative influence, i don’t think it’s half bad. My main struggle here was to choose who amongst the xxc/sl/aq trio to choose for the human figures. 16 the tower Arguably jin zixuans death and the following massacre of nightless city were the final and most direct reason for the siege of burial mounds, and the tiger seal is good shorthand for wwx’s loss of control over his powers, which led to the deaths of jzx and jyl. When reimagining major arcana i like to feature some kind of building in this card (spoilers for a possible future project but in my rose of versailles major arcana set the tower is bastille) and even if it’s not a tower, the image of wwx looming over the gathered crowd from atop a rooftop is so good i couldn’t resist 17 the star Struggled with this one - considered both jin ling and lsz for it, as symbolising a hope for the future, but that was kind of covered by the world so it wouldn’t make sense to include here as well... As usual when I struggle with interpreting a card (as opposed to understanding it but struggling with matching a character to it, like with death or moon) I went to biddy tarot and read all the details about its meaning. What i got was that this card signifies an incoming period of introspection and inner peace following a time of turmoil, as well as a general moving on into a new, better phase of one’s life or finding new meaning and purpose. The figure also suggests someone vulnerable, but possessing a keen sense of intuition as well as a good degree of practicality and common sense. Given all those, I settled for mianmian because IM LOVE HER..... I also kind of see her as a prelude to the “just one person is enough” theme present in tgcf!! And i think her decision to abandon her sect because she saw the toxicity and corruption in it is a very inspiring action - even if it didn’t make a large visible impact, i think the appearance of her and her idyllic family at the very end of the novel - paralleling and mirroring wangxian - implies that at the end of the day, it was a meaningful one 18 the moon Another card i ALWAYS fuxking struggle with - this time less because i can’t grasp its meaning and more because I can never find a character that fits it well. I usually get fixated on the “dreams and subconscious” part, but if i lean more on the “disguise, deceit, anxiety and fear” part, i eventually figured the whole yi city arc wouldn’t be a bad fit. I say the entire arc because it really does encompass all those themes if you include both the past and the present - xue yang’s disguise, his tricks with the villagers, a-qing’s lies and even xxc’s reluctance to talk about his past as well as xue yang pretending to be xxc all fit the disguise and deceit angle, and the general mystery and creepiness of the current timeline yi city work well with the anxiety and fear - the mist, the slow uncovering of the past, even a-qing being revealed to be an ally after scaring the shit out of the protags. I definitely struggled with including all the elements and characters, and even moreso with making them vaguely fit the rider-waite composition, but i think it ended up okay ish. OH and i completely forgot to draw mist swirling around them :( 19 the sun I was considering mianmian’s family for this one, but since I used her for star, I ended up with wwx and his parents instead. Once again I’m reinterpreting the card a bit - normally I think it symbolises incoming times of pure happiness and abundance, as well as a connection with the inner child, but I gave it more of a nostalgic or sentimental twist - wwx looking back at the brief glimpse of his happy childhood. 20 judgement another card that i struggle to interpret a bit... Here i actually used the tgcf tarot zine as a reference! In it judgement is summarised as “rebirth, following duty, absolution” SO i figured that nhs, mxy and wwx all together would fit pretty neatly... wwx achieving (public) absolution through clearing his own name after being reborn, and nhs sort of calling on wwx to expose jgy’s crimes... It’s a bit messy but not bad I think! 21 the world This ties very closely to my read on mdzs as a story - which is that it’s, at the end of the day, largely about cycles, and about how hard it is to break them, but how we gotta keep trying and have hope anyway. Or maybe more precisely, that the people directly involved with and influenced by the trauma of the past might not be able to get over said trauma and that the hope for healing from it will be shouldered by the new generation. Or something like that… Basically what i mean is that jc and wwx and lwj and lxc and nhs and jgy and all these people who were in the thick of the sunshot campaign and the siege are so profoundly affected by it that it genuinely feels by the end of the story like there is little hope for them to ever truly overcome that trauma and build a better future without repeating the same old mistakes - but there is a glimmer of hope in the new generation, specifically in jl and lsz. And it’s a bit paradoxical, because they have also been directly impacted by the past tragedies - lsz having his entire clan wiped out after wwx failed to protect them, jl losing both his parents to wwx’s mistakes - but despite that loss, and despite coming from arguably the two opposing sides of the past conflicts, they are both, in the end, capable of moving past that tragedy, of recognising the complicated nature of those conflicts (jl’s moment of clarity at the end is both heartbreaking and hopeful) and forging friendships between clans in the process. I honestly think that the extra where jl is struggling to assert his authority as sect leader, to treat his subjects well and to cooperate with other sects in a truly amicable way is the single hopeful ending note for the larger themes of the novel - it allows us to imagine that maybe these kids can learn from the mistakes of their elders rather than getting sucked in by resentment at those mistakes, and actually build a brighter future for the cultivation world. And sidenote, this is also why i have a soft spot for jin ling and lan sizhui as a ship... speaking of which their poses were directly referenced from the lovers card ehehe

Looking back, I’d like to add some symbol of jin ling’s trauma so that it mirrors baby wen yuan in the tree stump... maybe his father’s sword? 

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #tarot

[wh0reforthemarauders]

TRYING TO BLEND IN (PART 2)

WARNINGS: cursing??? WORD COUNT: 1500 A/N: I didn't edit this at all (pls keep in mind that english is not my first language) I just wanted to post it today because it's full moon tonight lmao enjoy (hopefully there will be a part 3 some day)

It took Sirius a while to recover from the initial shock. This random stranger he had just met at a muggle campsite minutes ago was also a wizard. What a coincidence it was, and how lucky he was that it wasn't a muggle who saw him use magic, he thought.

Sirius stood still for a few moments, looking around the place, then finally he turned to the boy.

"How come you've never met a wizard before? Are you muggle-born?"

"No." said the boy, and then went silent. Sirius expected a longer answer than this so he decided to keep asking questions.

"Have you gone to Hogwarts?"

"No"

"But you know what it is?"

"I do. But I was homeschooled."

Uncomfortable with the direction in which their conversation was going, Remus quickly changed the topic and suggested taking Sirius's things into his new room and then make dinner for them both. Sirius was curious to find more about this unusual boy but he didn't want to seem rude so he simply nodded in agreement.

The two of them spent the next few days at the campsite together. Sirius had told Remus all about the wizarding world, his best friend James, and their adventures at Hogwarts. He could tell Remus was kind of sad now that he realized what he had been missing out on, but for some reason he still avoided the topic of why he has been isolated from other wizards his whole life.

As Remus had plenty of experience with all things muggle, he eventually taught Sirius to set up a tent and use muggle appliances to make food, but they silently agreed that Sirius was not going back to his own tent. They were simply having too much fun together and Remus felt like he was finally making up for all the years he didn't go to Hogwarts with other wizards of his age.

-------

Ten days have passed and Sirius and Remus still had plenty of topics to go through while they were roasting barbecue in front of their tent. It was a pleasant summer evening, and Sirius had been staring at the darkening sky which was mostly clear, except for a few clouds. Suddenly, he felt the urge to tell Remus the origin of his name.

"Wanna hear a story about how I got my name?" He asked out of nowhere, tapping his friend on the shoulder.

"Sure"

"You see that star over there?", he said pointing up at the sky. "The brightest one..."

As he was speaking, the soft wind blew and moved the cloud which had been hiding the moon. The moonlight instantly brightened the scenery. It seemed almost full.

"Well, although I myself am not quite as bright, as you've had a chance to..."

Sirius cast a look in Remus's direction and, seeing his worried expression, he didn't finish the joke he was about to make. It seemed as though Remus wasn't listening to him anymore. He too was staring at the sky, but not at the bright star Sirius was showing him. He was looking at the moon instead.

Sirius hesitated a moment, not knowing what to say. "What's wrong, have you never seen a full moon before?"

"Oh I've seen it" said Remus scornfully, before shaking his head and getting up quickly. "I have to leave tonight. You better pack your things. We're not gonna see each other again."

Sirius remained on the ground, following Remus with his stare as he hurried into the tent. He was pondering whether to go after him and ask him what's up when Remus emerged with a bag full of Sirius's clothes in his hands. He set it before him and proceeded to pack his own tent into a backpack, when Sirius finally stood up and approached him, grabbing him by his arm.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You're just gonna leave me here in the middle of a muggle campsite?"

Sirius stared at him, not understanding the reason behind this sudden change in behaviour. Moments ago they were having a great time, talking about their favourite flavour of Bertie Bott's Beans, and Sirius couldn't imagine what he had possibly done to cause this.

"I have to be alone for a while, that's all." he shook his arm free from Sirius's firm grip.

"Did I do something?" Sirius asked but it was too late. Remus put on his backpack and hurried towards a dark forest that was surrounding the campsite.

Sirius stood still, enraged that this guy whom he had just started to consider a friend, has left him among muggles, knowing how helpless he was without magic.

"Fuckin idiot!" he yelled after him.

A few seconds later, he felt once again the piercing stares of the muggles around him. All eyes were on him and everyone at the campsite must have seen this embarrassing scene. He faked a smile he thought seemed polite enough and sat down to finish his dinner. He was determined to leave the campsite that night and go to James's house for the rest of the summer.

------------

As soon as he finished a cigarette that he had lit after dinner, Sirius got up, took his bag and headed through the same forest that Remus had disappeared into earlier that night. Now that he has calmed down a bit, he couldn't think of a reason why he even ended up at this stupid campsite. He could've gone to James's place right after leaving home, and he would've avoided 10 days of ridiculous drama.

It was somewhere around midnight and he was nearing the edge of the forest. The path he was following has now become broader and pebbled. Just as he was passing an abandoned shack hidden behind some trees, he heard strange screeching noises coming from inside. The noise didn't sound human and he was curious to find out what it was, so completely fearless, he walked up to the front door and tried to push them open but it seemed they were barred from the inside. He walked over to the window, peeked inside but it was so dark inside that he couldn't see anything. With an inexplicable amount of determination, fueled by his infinite curiosity, he pushed aside a couple of planks from the already broken window, shattered the few remaining pieces of glass, and climbed up and into the shack.

Instinctively, he took out his wand, performed the lighting charm, and in the light of the wand he could finally see where the weird screeching was coming from.

In the corner of the dusty, cobwebbed room was a curled-up, shaking figure. Who would've thought. The sound was human after all.

Sirius stepped closer with his wand hand stretched out, his step making the floor boards shriek. The figure lifted its head. Sirius barely recognized him in this horrible state, but as distorted and animal-like as his face now was, without a doubt it belonged to Remus.

"Go away, Sirius!" he screamed.

"What's going on?? Why are you here? Do you... live here?"

"Oh for fuck's sake Sirius, how stupid can you be??? LOOK AT ME"

"I'M A WEREWOLF!"

Sirius was still very much confused. He didn't understand what being a werewolf had to do with hiding out in a ruin like this.

"It's full moon! Get away from me! I really don't want to hurt you but so help me god if you stay here for one more minute..."

"...Why would you hurt me?" asked Sirius trying to sound as calm as possible.

"BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WEREWOLVES DO!" screamed Remus desperately. "We are dangerous! We attack people! We... we hurt them."

Remus was desperately shaking and crying. Tonight's transformation was already very slow and painful and now he had one more thing to worry about. He had completely forgotten to track the days until full moon while he was with Sirius, and he hated himself for allowing to forget what a monster he was. What he wanted most at the moment was to be left alone. He could deal with this by himself, like he always does. He knew he made a mistake. He never should've befriended Sirius. He always scares friends away. But this time, he also risked hurting one.

To Remus's great surprise, however, Sirius didn't seem scared at all. Shocked perhaps, caught off guard, but not scared. He sat on the floor next to Remus, putting an arm around his shoulder, patting him comfortingly.

"It's ok." he said. Noticing that Remus winced as he approached him, he decided to try to lighten the mood the only way he knew how.

"You couldn't hurt me if you wanted to."

Remus turned to look at him, eyes still glossy from the tears.

"You're literally skin and bones, Remus. And I trained Quidditch for 6 years. You stand no chance against me."

At this, Remus's face finally brightened, and he barely managed to suppress a chuckle.

"Come on. I know a place where you can be safe... you know, while you're doing your... wolf thing." Sirius said, standing up and offering Remus a hand to help him stand up. "Remember my friend James?"

#wolfstar #full moon #remus lupin #sirius black #remus x sirius #lupin x sirius #marauders #mwpp #the marauders #wolfstar fic #wh0refortrhemarauders #wh0reforthemarauders fanfiction #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar supremacy #moony #padfoot #moony and padfoot #hp fanfic #hp universe #marauders fic #trying to blend in

[latibulx]

Teddy & Gaeul

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME! ㅡ closed ㅡ @nxvalunxsis

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - These two are meant to be, they'll meet in every lifetime!

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Oh, it's been so long that I can't remember how it happened but they were best friends for a while before they fell in love, right? In my memories, Gaeul had been dating someone else who was never here and she used to spend a lot of time with Teddy?

How was their first kiss? - I don't remember??? It was probably a sweet but unexpected first kiss that maybe shouldn't have happened and that left them both flustered? Oh my god, wait, weren't they sex-friends for a little while too???

Wedding:

Who proposed? - I initially wanted to say Teddy because Gaeul is such a romantic, but the thought of Gaeul being the one to propose to Teddy sounds actually very cute. Perhaps they'd be casually relaxing on the couch, and she'd ask him if he wants to get married, pft.

Who is the best man/men? - there's none

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - same here, it's a marriage only with both of them and their baby

Who did the most planning? - Gaeul, because Teddy knows that she has everything ready since her childhood, pft.

Who stressed the most? - Probably Teddy, because he still has a lot of insecurities and doubts.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 - I honestly think that they just put on nice clothes, went to the city hall and registered their wedding officially before going to the restaurant to celebrate. If Gaeul had dreams of a beautiful wedding in the past, now all she needs is Teddy and their baby. | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Everyone they know. They just want to keep it between them for a while.

Sex:

Who is on top? - It depends of the mood! They don't care much about it, honestly. They switch things around, pft.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Once again, it depends of the mood! They usually know when the other is in the mood though, so they don't hesitate to instigate things.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 - They've found their rhythm and even though they don't do much after the baby's birth, I suspect that once Gaeul will feel fine again they'll get back to it like they always do. | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 - they do like to try out new things even if it ends up being awkward and they end up laughing more than anything else! And they're definitely always up to spice things up - Gaeul's so curious, she might even research kinks! | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Quite a while, they know how to make each other last.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Yes, even though I believe that Teddy will want to give Gaeul more orgasms without expecting anything in return because he loves making her feel that good and he adores the sight of her coming undone under him.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 - I think that over the years they're being less rough than what they may have been in the past. However there are still times where both need to get rough sex. | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 - they don't necessarily always snuggle after sex because one will go shower or drink water and then they'll just go on with their day/night. However they always make sure to show the other how they appreciate them through a little gesture, may it be a kiss somewhere, a hug or holding hands while they're cooking a quick snack. | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Two! If their first baby was unplanned, the second one was definitely planned.

How many children will they adopt? - They unfortunately don't adopt children.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - I think they share the tasks evenly between them - at Gaeul's insistance to have Teddy as involved as possible so he can grow more confident in taking care of their baby. At first she's always by his side, but it honestly doesn't take too long before she knows that he'll do just well with their baby daughter.

Who is the stricter parent? - Teddy, because he doesn't want their children to end up in dangerous situations as he knows how terrible the world can be.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Once again, that's probably Teddy. He'd want for their children to come back home straight from school while Gaeul would let them hang out with their friends. They'd have to find a good balance for everyone to be happy, but I'm not really worried about that. They always work things out one way or another.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Saying Gaeul would be a cliché but I genuinely believe that she enjoys packing lunches for their children.

Who is the more loved parent? - Eyyy, I don't like this question. There's no differences! Both are loved equally and both love their children equally.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Gaeul, because Teddy doesn't have the patience to deal with teachers after that one time he almost punched one, hahaha.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Gaeul, she's an emotional mom to see her children grow up.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Both, Gaeul can be very convincing and Teddy will just stare down at their children wordlessly lmao.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - While Teddy's skills get better over the years, it's still Gaeul who cooks the most.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - I don't think either are picky.

Who does the grocery shopping? - They go together because it's a moment they surprisingly like to share, no matter how tired or lazy they might be.

How often do they bake desserts? - Gaeul likes to experiment in the kitchen, especially once they have children, so she'd bake desserts at least twice a month, if not more as she gets better!

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat lovers.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - At first it would be Gaeul but I feel like Teddy would get better at making such surprises as well. Even if he doesn't cook much, he'd be able to come up with a simple pasta dish, or something not too complicated just because he knows that it'll make her happy.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Gaeul!

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - That'd be probably Teddy for a while? Or even Gaeul if she gets too distracted and forgets she had something cooking in the oven.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Teddy because Gaeul tends to be a little all over the place with all of her books and then with kids toys

Who is really against chores? - None of them, they're pretty okay with chores

Who cleans up after the pets? - Gaeul, since they're hers to begin with, so they're her responsibility.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Gaeul, when she's feeling very lazy but then Teddy would stare at her until she's properly cleaning up.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - It honestly depends of who's visiting them.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Gaeul and then she'd say something like, "I forgot I put that one here", haha.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Gaeul has always enjoyed relaxing in warm bubble baths so it's definitely her. And if Teddy joins her, it lasts even longer.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They don't have a dog but if they did, probably Teddy.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Gaeul loves holidays so she decorates the house each single time!

What are their goals for the relationship? - They just want to be happy together and have a happy family and make sure that their children know that they're wanted and loved and cherished.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Before they become parents, both could have such mornings where they slept until noon. And after becoming parents, they took turns until the kids were old enough to take care of themselves.

Who plays the most pranks? - Gaeul, but Teddy also has some pranks up his sleeve!

#( gaeul: answer. ) #( gaeul: about. ) #nxvalunxsis #( thank you for sending this! )

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 247: Todoroki Angst

Previously on BnHA: Ujiko started some kind of procedure on Tomura to make him even more powerful, because that’s what we were all asking for at the end of the last arc, isn’t it? “Horikoshi can you go ahead and make the homicidal nihilist even stronger please and thank you.” Well not to worry, because he’s got our backs! Meanwhile Hawks poked around the villain HQ trying to find out more details about That End Of The World Thing That’s Happening In 4 Months, and came up with squat. But he did successfully pass on his secret message to Endeavor about how “THE CHILDREN ARE OUR ONLY HOPE,” so Endeavor shrugged and was like “fine, HEY CHILDREN, LET’S GO FIGHT CRIME.” Anyways, so I was thinking, do you suppose they all just figured out they’re actually in a shounen manga? Because that would explain a lot.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor gathers the kids together and is all “so tell me about yourselves.” Deku is all “I have two quirks shut up it’s not weird” and says he wants to get better at harnessing his power so that he can use it without it being destructive. Kacchan is all “I’m already strong but I want to become better as a person” and I appreciate how the other characters are able to hold themselves back from exclaiming, “THIS KID’S REDEMPTION ARC... IT’S TOO POWERFUL...!” because I sure the fuck would have if I was there. And then Shouto is all “hey dad, friendly reminder that I’m here because I want to get stronger to reach my own goals, but you’re still a shitty dad and I hate your guts.” Endeavor, to his credit, reacts very appropriately to all three kids (including a resigned “got it” to Shouto, which was in fact the only appropriate response, so props to him for that), and dives right on in to mentoring the shit out of them. He then delivers a challenge -- defeat at least one villain without him beating them to the punch. So that should be fun, and I mean that with complete sincerity. Bring it!

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

oooooh shit we’re starting right on a continuation of the Fuyumi panel from last week. TODOROKI DRAMA ARC INCOMING. THIS IS IT BOYS. THE BIG ONE

omg omg omg

friendly reminder that chapter 242, in which this internship was first announced, came out on September 6. that is six whole weeks that we’ve been waiting for this internship to actually get started for real. I WAS PROMISED CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND UNUSUAL INTERACTIONS AND UNLIKELY BONDS BEING FORMED. and I have been patient, because In Horikoshi We Trust, but is it finally that time now? I just need them to stop hinting at it and finally get to it before I lose my mind okay

so Endeavor is asking Baku and Deku for their character profiles

Deku: “I used to break bones on demand, now I shoot wind from my fists along with the occasional Venom Symbiote”

Bakugou: “I blow shit up and I also have your character development arc, but fast-tracked so that it kicked in before I could fully become a massive prick like you”

meanwhile Shouto just sits there pouting because as we know from the Babysitter’s Club arc (and also from the Sports Festival arc, during which he dragged Deku into a hallway and was all “time to tell you about my tragic past” completely unprompted), he actually has his own character profile on standby ready to go at a moment’s notice, but everyone just keeps it benched all the time. poor Shouto

(ETA: he will not be silenced!!)

so Endeavor is phrasing this in the weirdest way possible, asking them to state “their current ��assignments’” lol what. at least the second part of this is clearer, with him asking what they want to gain from this internship

okay so Deku says he wants to control his power so that he can “move at max performance.” yes that’s a very good goal for you, World’s Last Hope

lmaoooo

“weren’t you the kid who broke every bone in his arms several times in succession while attempting to KO my youngest child.” way to make an impression Deku

so Deku patiently explains that, yes, but we’re WELL BEYOND the whole bone-breaking stage now and currently at the “trying to master my new SECRET POWER which is still under wraps” stage. get with the times, Endeavor

hahaha here we go. this is so painfully awkward

“yeah so I kind of have a second quirk now. you know. as one does. please ignore how the only other known person to ever have multiple quirks just so happens to be the greatest villain of all time who is currently incarcerated in Tartarus following his last stand during which the number one hero lost all his power. that’s not relevant. anyways so yeah, two quirks, it’s totally normal and not a big deal at all”

what the actual fuck is he going to do once quirks # 3, 4, 5, etc. come along? this is such a disaster it’s not even funny. and by the way, this whole time I’ve been ignoring the elephant in the room that is Katsuki’s face while Deku nearly spills the beans about his so-called secret. but let’s all just acknowledge that it’s amazing and it belongs in a museum

thankfully Endeavor has had more than enough of exercising his brain today after all of that codebreaking, and isn’t even bothering to ask any questions. instead he’s just like, “show me.” probably the right call; easier to just see wth he’s going on about rather than keep listening to this strange and incredibly suspicious explanation

here we go guys time for some BLOOP

that’s because you’re still scared of it! boy if you’re not going to listen to Katsuki then I hope Endeavor can knock some sense into you at least!

you know, Endeav may be scowling so hard his face is gonna get stuck that way, but so far he’s not half bad at this mentoring/coaching thing

really appreciate how he jumps straight into asking pertinent questions about what Deku wants to do with this new quirk, rather than being all “how the fuck do you go from breaking all of your bones to THAT”

so now Deku’s explaining how it works and says he’s been applying the same principles that he uses with Air Force

LMAOOOOO

this right here is the most accurate introduction to Deku that Endeavor could ever have possibly received. THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE CHARACTER

and it also neatly sums up his whole problem with Blackwhip as well, which is just that he’s way overthinking it. no fucking wonder he can’t do anything with it yet! he’s trying to run NASA-level calculations in his head in real time while using it, like wtf. just let loose boi

also can we stop and appreciate how both Bakugou and Shouto are just fucking done. like, Bakugou is one thing, but just look at Todoroki fucking Shouto, Deku’s #1 fan and admirer, being all “wtf I hate Deku now”

LMAO AGAIN

Burnin’ is quickly rising through my favorite character ranks. meanwhile Shouto has gleaned, quite correctly, that those were in fact words coming from Deku’s mouth. what kind of words is a mystery, but at least it’s something

omfg Endeavor can speak Deku

(ETA: one of the things I’m noticing on a reread is how Endeavor is approximately twice the size of the kids. and it’s not like they’re small or anything. but they look like toddlers next to him. he’s only 6′4″ how is he towering over them to this degree.)

I feel like Endeavor’s intelligence levels fluctuate from week to week. or even from panel to panel. enigma

so blah blah blah he’s thinking to himself “his raw power rivals All Might’s” and then -- ! LOOK AT THIS SHIT

SOFT ENDEAVOR ADOPTING DEKU WTAF. holy shit. if anyone says they saw this coming, I’m calling you out as a fucking liar. BUT I’M HERE FOR IT OMG

AND NOW THIS ONE’S TURN!

(ETA: Kacchan is 5′7″. pretty sure Endeavor is actually 8 feet tall.)

lmao Deku’s face. trying to work out what this means and whether it’s good or bad

meanwhile, after the multiple pages of extensive rambling from Deku, Endeavor is about to get an introduction from Bakugou which will likely just consist of “I WANT TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE” with absolutely no introspection whatsoever. basically the polar opposite of Deku. gotta love it

HERE WE GO

ooh, unexpected! though still brusque. but to be fair, he’s gifted when it comes to saying a lot in few words

(ETA: out of the three, Kacchan definitely took up the least amount of time with his introspection. not bad for a kid who used to think the entire fucking world revolved around him. growth!)

now he’s bitching at Burnin’ for not having anything better to do than stand around heckling them lmao

SHE’S HERE TO PROVIDE COMMENTARY KATSUKI SHHH. in other news, today I learned that Burnin’ is actually me. huh

OH MY GOD KATSUKI IS METAING -- !! [ELBOWS MY WAY INTO THE FRONT ROW] EVERYONE FUCKING SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND LISTEN!!!!

OH MY GOD

y’all Katsuki really just fessed up and admitted to needing to work on his growth as a person rather than his physical ability. along with a NEW ADORABLE CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK, EXCUSE ME WHILE I ORDER PRINTS OF THIS TO PUT IN MY WALLET

AND HERE WE GO NOW, THE WHOLE “I WANT TO SURPASS THE NUMBER ONE” PART. BUT IT WAS SO MUCH DEEPER THAN I EXPECTED, KATSUKI YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME PROUD! LOOK HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO BE A BETTER PERSON

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, IF YOU’RE NOT ROOTING FOR BAKUGOU KATSUKI THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS MANGA HONESTLY

OMG ENDEAVOR

“this kid...” REMINDS YOU OF SOMEONE, DOESN’T HE! OH MY GOD I NEED TO SIT AND CALM DOWN AND DRINK SOME WATER

anyway so do you love him. YOU BETTER SAY YES!!

LMAO SHOUTO COULDN’T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER

LET’S HEAR IT THEN, FIVE PEEPEE MAN!!

Endeavor is whipping back around on him all “I THOUGHT YOU CAME HERE TO MASTER YOUR NEW TECHNIQUE” with this look of borderline panic on his face that implies to me that it’s one thing to take on two new kids with no familiar baggage, and quite another to have to deal with his own son’s personal angst which is directly related to his own worst personal shortcomings and sins! but that’s just too bad, Endeavor! also, fuck you!

OH MY GOD TODOROKI SHOUTO HAS THE SOFTEST SADDEST EXPRESSION AND THIS SPEECH IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY WHAT THE HELL

even Kacchan has gone soft. meanwhile, is somebody cutting onions in here or

(ETA: also, Kacchan really has been promoted to best friend status, hasn’t he? or co-best friend at least. Shouto really does value their time training together, huh. “spending time with these guys.” anyways so this officially is the TodoBakuDeku arc, sorry everyone I don’t make the rules.

also! I really love how Shouto’s character development has been all about him finally figuring out what it is that he wants. one way or the other, Endeavor has been the focus of his life since childhood. everything he did was centered around him, even when it was centered around defying him. it was still always him, and never Shouto. because he’d been raised as his father’s tool, he struggled with feeling like anything he achieved was just giving his father exactly what he wanted. so he never really had the freedom to strive toward his own goals until Deku finally broke him free of that mindset. it wasn’t until he was surrounded by others who shared the same dream he’d once had that he was able to move past the toxic part of that resentment. not to say that it wasn’t justified, because it was! and is, still. but all the same, it was hurting him at least as much as it ever hurt Endeavor, if not much more so. 

so I really like the message his arc sends here, which is that forgiveness is not so much for the benefit of the one who hurt you as it is for yourself. and that’s obviously not the right word for it, by the way -- “forgiveness” -- but it’s just a placeholder for lack of a better one. because obviously as we can see, he hasn’t forgiven him, but what he has done is put that part of his past behind him. for his own sake, for his own peace, which he deserves. anyways guys Shouto is so fucking strong and I love him so damn much. shit.)

“y’all didn’t think I was gonna put the Terrible Trio together with Endeavor and not follow through on it with piles and piles of Todoroki angst,” Horikoshi says, casually filing his nails with one eyebrow raised. “c’mon”

here it comes y’all

ain’t no force on this earth more dramatic than a Todoroki. did he somehow get a wind blowing in from somewhere. aren’t they indoors

loool Endeavor getting DRAGGED LIKE AN UNTIED SHOELACE in front of these kids he just met two seconds ago, oof. “don’t forget dad, just because I’ve mellowed out a bit and accepted that I need to learn how to use my fire side doesn’t mean I don’t still hate your guts because BOY DO I.” oh damn

so your kid is justifiably pissed at you for your decade and a half of abuse, not to mention annoyed that you’re just putting it all behind you now and acting like it never happened. but it’s not like it’d make things any better if he just went back to acting like a jerk with these new kids! so here we all are, with no easy answers for this situation. what’s a 45-year-old man trying to make up for his past sins to do

(ETA: boy I just took a stroll around the ol’ fandom and a lot of people have really strong feelings about this huh. the most common sentiment seems to be “YAASSSS SHOUTO”, which I can 100% get behind. but it seems like a lot of people are also angry that Shouto is in this situation to begin with. specifically, we have the usual faction of people who are upset that Endeavor is getting any kind of redemption arc at all, and would prefer if he remained eminently hatable and shunned and detested for the rest of his days.

and look, I get it. humans are hardwired to want things to be fair. we want karma. kindness should beget kindness, and cruelty should net you the same treatment in return. reap what you sow. and while some crimes occasionally fall into a grey area, it hardly gets more black and white than Endeavor’s case. not only is there the child and spousal abuse, there’s also the incredibly dubious consent issues that arise in the case of an arranged marriage. like, there’s really no question that what he’s done is bad. so to see behavior like that “rewarded” by his becoming the number one hero, and to see people actually admiring him, and to watch him taking steps to turn his life around even as his wife and children struggle to gather the shattered pieces of their own lives -- yeah, that’s gonna trigger something in a lot of people. because it’s not fair. he hurt good people who didn’t deserve it, and all of this makes it seem like he’s getting away with it.

but here’s the thing -- there are different types of penance. there’s punishment, but there is also atonement. and Endeavor is getting his just desserts in some ways -- by being forever denied the chance to reach the goal that he worked his whole life toward, and by finally developing a conscience, the better to fully experience the remorse of knowing the pain he brought about to his family. but what’s arguably more important than that is that he also has the opportunity to try and atone for some of the terrible things he’s done, by doing good in the world now. he is a hero. his job is to help people. every day he is making the world a little better by doing that. and that, to me, is such a fascinating idea: a terrible person doing good things. and it’s something that feels almost counterintuitive, and that’s part of why a lot of people have so much trouble accepting it, I think. but it’s a fact of life, isn’t it? if good people can do bad things, then it stands to reason that the reverse is true as well. 

and I’ll just come right out and say it -- for me, if it comes down to a choice of having someone be punished, or having them be forced to do good things to atone, I’m gonna go with the latter just about every time. because while it may not feel quite as viscerally satisfying, it’s the option that produces the greatest net benefit for the world. without Endeavor, the world would have one less person out there battling evil. and as I suspect we’re going to continue to see in this arc, there are other, subtler ways that he can still do good as well.

so yeah. it’s a tricky thing. but to be honest, the ability to explore this type of complexity is one of the things I respect the most about Horikoshi’s storytelling. he’s not taking the easy way out here. he’s not giving us easy answers one way or the other. no matter what kind of resolution we get to this character arc, it’s not going to be something that will satisfy everyone. but that’s just how it is. anyways, apologies for the rant.)

hmmm Endeavor

yeah you really read that one wrong. anyway I guess it’s your turn to make a speech now

...

classic Endeavor

(ETA: actually truth be told, that was quite eloquent, and pretty much the only thing he could have said in response to all that. it’s not like he can even begin to justify all of his actions, and pretty much anything else that came out of his mouth would have come off like an attempt to dismiss his son’s feelings, or him trying to weasel out of taking responsibility. there is pretty much nothing else he can say here except for “I understand. that’s valid, and I fucked up.” which this is pretty much acknowledging. anyways this whole chapter is basically the sequel/continuation to 192 and I’m loving it omg.)

so he says he’ll watch over the three of them as a hero, and lead them in hero stuff

oh, I wasn’t going to post this panel, but now Endeavor’s saying “those are the three fundamental skills sought after from a hero” so I guess I should, huh

ooh he says that generally heroes will choose to specialize in either rescue or battle, but his policy is to kick ass at all three. well that’s one similarity between him and All Might, at least. if you’re not here to both win and rescue then what are you even doing with your life am I right

damn there really is a reason why this guy is the number one huh

okay, like. not to knock like 99% of the other heroes out there, but is anyone else sitting there thinking “wow, finally someone competent” or is it just me. like, I really do get a sense of “he’s got it all under control” from him which is lacking with pretty much all of the other heroes. no wonder society is on the verge of being in shambles. what we really need is for all heroes to be this capable, and not just All Might or Endeavor or whoever happens to be the current number one

okay, Endeavor is really out here being a genuinely good mentor, I’m speechless

holy shit

-- WHAT, NO! ARE WE ALREADY DONE?? WHY

okay but I do love that, though. it’s a perfect goal for them. difficult, but not impossible at the rate they’re growing. and it also just so happens to be something that they need to be able to do if they really are going to be the shoulders that society is resting all of its hopes upon. and last but not least, it’s something that all three of them will be able to set their minds too gladly. kick this old man’s ass, kids

anyways. ladies and gentlepeople this chapter was only thirteen pages. shortest chapter we’ve had in a minute. but at least it was densely packed! even if Shouto took up like half of it with his Daddy Issues Speech. that’s okay Shouto we always welcome your daddy angst

all in all I am satisfied. character development, and finally a clear goal for the arc. though part of me would also love it if they manage to achieve this in like the very next chapter. you never know with these wunderkinds lol

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 247 #endeavor #todoroki shouto #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha meta #makeste reads bnha #well here I am back from six flags at 1:30 a.m. and ready to rant about bnha in the middle of the night #I guess technically speaking it's not *that* late #in tumblr time anyway #anyway my bad sorry guys!

[angelaiswriting]

Secret (1 of 2) | Bonnie Gold x fem!reader

[original picture: pexels]

✏️ Pairing: Bonnie Gold x Romani!fem!reader

✏️ Summary: As the Golds take in Michael to protect him from the men Changretta has sent after him, Y/N is unexpectedly made to joing them and Bonnie, who already fancies her, has to deal with his thoughts. (Requested by Anonymous)

✏️ A/N: probably not the Bonnie debut I was hoping for, but I still like this! Part two will come only God knows when bc I thought I could link this story to another request I got but it turns out my brain is wack and remembered the details wrong lmao so part two will be for those of you who are 18 or older 💛

✏️ Beta-read by @sweetvengeancee

✏️ Warnings: slight fluff I guess ? (I just hope this is not cringy lmao)

✏️ Word-count: 2,957

PART ONE: SECRET  |  >> part two: the vardo >>

Bonnie loved it, loved how quiet the night was, there in the woods, but never silent, never fully mute. It eased his mind and brought him back with his feet down on earth. And this, in particular, was exactly what he needed at that very moment.

Michael Gray had been with them for a mere two days and while everything was going according to Polly Gray’s plan, the one she had come up with with the help of his father, he hadn’t prepared himself enough. There had been talks of a trustworthy person being chosen to join the group as precautionary means, and Bonnie had simply thought of a lad. Their entire lives had become dangerous the day they had accepted to help the Shelbys with their wop problem and this ‘hide one of the most wanted men in Birmingham’ thing had pushed the bar towards greater danger. So he had never expected for that person to be a girl – and not just a girl, but fucking Y/N.

Her presence made everything that tad bit more complicated because, truth was, he fancied her and his fascination towards her pushed him to look out for her harder than he would have done had it been someone else.

He had left her by the fire when he had taken a direction and his father the other to do a quick inspection of the perimeter of the area they had chosen to camp that day. They knew they weren’t running any risk, but as the saying goes, better safe than sorry – if anybody found them, they wouldn’t only have the Shelbys and their damn Peaky Blinders on their neck, but Johnny Dogs, too, and therefore, the whole Lee camp.

And while his father had bid him goodnight with an affectionate squeeze of the shoulder before going back to the camp and sleep, Bonnie had stayed put where he was, just outside the circle of light cast by the burning campfire. He was staring at the sky, a black slate dotted with countless glimmering stars his eyes looked at but didn’t see.

He saw her, instead – saw her bright smile and too-clever eyes, saw the tiny pale scar on her right temple, saw her golden earrings and the soft Cupid’s bow of her lips. He saw her and while she was miles out of his league, he still thought that maybe – maybe – he would have a chance with her once that whole ordeal would be over.

It would be nice, he thought, to find someone now that his life was starting to go into the direction he wanted it to. The deal was signed and when Tommy Shelby would let him fight – because he was going to, one day – and he’d have his fair share of the money, he’d build himself a life with a nice woman and he’d welcome children of his own into this world.

And while he always told himself he could have any girl he wanted, it was her his eyes and brain and heart had set their aim on – stupidly brave and incredibly beautiful Y/N, whose father would never give her off to a motherfucking blood-stained Gold. He was going to win Johnny Dogs over, though, Bonnie was sure of this – he knew how to be charming, how to use his smile and his words to his own advantage and if anything else failed, God had given him two perfectly-functioning fists he knew way too well how to use.

He smiled at that thought, fully aware that if he ever used violence on the one man he was hopefully going to have as a father-in-law, he’d never win the girl. And it was right at that moment, as he thought of the luck he had been blessed with when she had entered the car, just outside Small Heath two days before, that a leaf crunched behind him.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on their ends and while imperceptibly, the muscles in his back and shoulders tensed up.

The whole clearing went quieter than it had previously been and even the gentle night breeze seemed to slow down as it breathed against his face.

It happened quickly: when his instinct told him it was the right moment, he turned around, unsheathed his dagger with a swift movement and had the cheek of its blade pressed against the intruder’s throat.

Even at the age of nineteen, Bonnie Gold had probably as many murders behind his back as there are beads in a rosary but while he had his father’s strength, he had his mother’s temper and that meant he wasted a fraction of a second trying to take in as much as he could of the people that had snuck up behind his back. Therefore, as his dagger burned cold against the column of the throat of his presumed assailant, all his senses kicked in: her hair brushed against the skin of his neck, her breasts pressed against his arm as he used it to keep her back-to-chest against him, his thumb ready to press as hard as he could on her brachial plexus. And then, there was that sweet smell of hers, something between laundry soap and wildflowers that tickled his nostrils when he pressed his cheek against hers.

His breathing was steady and deep, but hers was much faster. Her heart was fluttering erratically in her chest, almost knocking against his arm, trying to push it away – and he could feel it loud and clear.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on me like this,” he warned, still too tense to let her go – or, at least, this was the excuse he used to convince himself he just didn’t want her this close for half a minute longer.

His hold on her eased, though, and his left hand came up to take the knife from his right to let it fall to the ground.

Her initial and instinctual shock slowly subsided and she snorted. “I made plenty of noise comin’ ‘ere. Didn’t know it was this easy to startle a Gold.”

Blood rushed to Bonnie’s cheeks and had they been in daylight, Y/N would have seen the pink hue tinging his cheekbones when he turned around. It was always a smack to his pride both as a Gold and as an assassin to be made fun of like that and whether he let it on or not, it didn’t matter because he felt the shame deep in his bones.

“What are you doin’ out ‘ere?” she asked, tilting her head to the side to check if anything or anyone was behind his back. “Keepin’ guard?”

“Someone has to.”

He stared at the shadows cast on the side of her face by the fire a few metres at his left as he answered and as quickly as the play of lights and shadows changed on her skin, a thought crossed his mind: oh, how he wished her loyalties didn’t lie with the Shelbys! He’d find a way to make her fall for him the same way he had fallen for her, and he’d take her away – get himself his own vardo and leave for only God knew where.

“Why don’t you come an’ sit by the fire?” She bent to pick his knife up and she turned it in her hands, stared at the clean blade and at the blood-stained handle as she turned towards the light of the camp.

“Too easy to spot.” He held his hand out – and whether he did it to hold hers or to ask her for his knife, he didn’t know, not at that moment, not as his heart still thundered against his eardrums because of the adrenaline her intrusion had forced his body to release.

“A frozen-to-death assassin is of no use to us,” she remarked, slipping his dagger back into the sheath hanging from his belt without giving him the chance to do it himself. “An’ your father is sleeping, Michael is, too. I’m not tired, so I could really use some company.”

*

It was incredible, how easily she could come off as a young man. She stood there, a blade of grass perched from her lips, and she stared down the wandering hunter they had stumbled upon as they changed location yet again. It had been Polly’s idea, Bonnie knew it – a way to protect Johnny’s daughter a little more – or to fool strangers and possible enemies a little better. He didn’t know which reason it was, all he knew was that when she changed her clothes, she became someone else.

He had always known – or, at least, he had known for a while now – how good of a shapeshifter she was and had they had a different upbringing, he was sure she would have pursued an acting career. Every aspect of her being changed: her accent, the way she drawled her words out, almost as though she were savouring them in her mouth before spitting them out one after the other. Her voice turned deeper, in a way he wouldn’t be able to imitate, and the glint in her eyes turned from playful and curious to ice-cold and as biting as frostbites on a particularly harsh winter day.

And may God curse him, for he loved it. Loved the way she shaped herself into someone else, love the effect she could have on people, the way she fooled them.

“We should slit his throat, Da,” she was saying, nodding in his father’s direction while her eyes kept their focus on the old man in front of them. One of Bonnie’s hunting knives was dancing between her fingers and the mirror-clean blade caught the light of the late-afternoon sun every time it was angled right. “Take his prey and leave him to the crows. We could also use his dog.”

Sat in the vardo and with the reins of the grey horse in his hands, Aberama looked like he was contemplating her words.

Bonnie knew exactly what he was thinking about: this witness was the last thing they needed. They weren’t the first travellers the hare hunter had seen and, most likely, they weren’t going to be the last either. And under normal circumstances, they wouldn’t have cared, but these were no normal circumstances at all – there were criminals hunting them down and there were people, back in Birmingham, ready to snatch their balls if something – anything – happened to the young Gray man and to the gipsy girl.

“Cut him a nice, wide smile all through his neck,” Y/N continued, now fully turning to look at Bonnie first and Aberama second.

“Or we could cut his tongue,” the latter argued, albeit eyeing the fairly-new hunting rifle hanging from the man’s shoulder.

“He’d still have hands to write, though.” Bonnie had to step in but to do what, exactly, he did not know. Y/N had caught his eye a few days after John Shelby’s funeral: she had dashed into the betting shop, her gun still in her hand, and she had surprised him the moment she had thrown her cap onto the table. Somehow, he had never considered the difference a perfectly-positioned cap could do on a person – one moment he had almost been chest-to-chest with a young Peaky Blinder and the next, he had turned into a she and Bonnie had felt the tips of his ears turn red.

“What about I give you my prey and we go our merry ways?” The old man was squirming in his place – too old to stand a fight, too old to even have a slight chance at winning one, not when he probably had never managed to knock anybody out even in young age.

“We want the rifle, too.”

“And the knife in the boot,” Aberama added, grin growing wide on his face as the other man’s brows furrowed.

“And the dog.” Bonnie’s shirt was too large on her, but even from where he was standing, on the other side of the horse, he knew she was puffing out her chest as the words dripped like honey from her lips.

God, how he wished he could turn himself into anybody he wanted just like she did!

*

Wrapped up in a towel too big for anyone, she was sitting opposite him by the campfire and Bonnie was yet again staring at her.

The Shelby boy had smoked a cigarette, all the while complaining that this was ridiculous and that he was more than capable of looking after himself, and had then retired for the night inside the vardo. Even from here, Bonnie could hear him lightly snore – and every once in awhile, probably when he turned in his sleep, complain because of the stinging pain in his still-healing wounds.

Aberama, as diligent and as cautious as ever, had taken it upon himself to check the area around the camp and make sure no other unwelcome visitor was around. He hadn’t said ‘Italians’ nor ‘hunters,’ and yet, both Bonnie and Y/N knew who he was really making sure wasn’t around.

And had it been a normal night, Bonnie would have followed his father, cut his workload in half like they had always done both in the bloody and in the mundane aspects of their lives. But tonight was no ordinary night and he wanted to know if he would ever have a chance at stealing the girl once the mess with the Italians was over.

“How do you do it?” he asked, stoking the fire with a stick and staring at its flaming point turn coal-black once he put it out in the ground. “How do you disguise yourself like that?”

She smirked – even through the raging flames trying to eat the cold and darkness of the night away, he saw the corners of her lips tilt upward and her teeth glint in the light. “Wouldn’t be a secret if I told you, now, eh, Bon?” The tone of her voice was playful, almost making fun of him as he sat there, elbows on his knees, a fighter squirming in his seat just because a girl had caught his naughty eye.

And she always was – playful – both around him and around Michael. He was sure her father would never allow her to mingle like that with the Shelbys and their chaotic mess of problems and enemies but if he knew something for certain, it was that you can never be sure of anything until you find out the truth.

“‘Bon’?” She had never called him like that, she had probably never even said his name out loud, either. It was either ‘Gold’ or an ‘oi!’ that gave him whiplash as his head turned to look behind his shoulder at where she was. “You called me ‘gyppo’ last night.”

She shrugged, but then she let out a laughter that tugged at his abdomen and made him smile. “Yeah, and I thought you’d go an’ kill me. Stick a knife right through my throat an’ leave me there to die.”

“I never said I wouldn’t do it.”

It was silent for a minute or two – just the shadows of the night and of the woods whispering and lurking from behind the trees, too scared to step forward as both Michael and Aberama snored in their sleep. Then, she looked up at the waning moon and chuckled. The sound seemed to ring around them, light and clear, shaking the leaves on the branches and the dry grass on the ground.

“That’s because you’re always too busy starin’ a’ me, eh, Bon?”

He snorted, shook his head as if to tell her how batshit crazy she was – even if she was anything but – and looked down at the battered ground between his feet. But then, before he could stop the automatic movement, he shrugged a shoulder and lifted his chin to stare at her again.

The flames of the fire were dancing in her eyes and the shadows that had been dancing on her face that night in the clearing had left their place to the light of the fire keeping them apart. Her skin glowed, the gold of her earrings and fine necklace seemed to twinkle and wink as the light caught their shiny surface.

“Yeah, and what if I stare at you?” He only felt this defiant in the ring, when he knew, deep in his bones, that he was going to win the match. And he had always won – he had always won, never let the opponent send him to the ground, he had never let chances take the reins of his fate because his grip on them was way too tight. “What, then?”

She inhaled deeply and then exhaled loudly, and the sound the air made as it slipped out of her nostrils was as clear as a pin touching the floor in a silent room – even with the fire crackling and moaning between them, even with the snoring of the other two men sleeping not far behind her. The look she gave him – the one he saw from above the flames as the shadow of her eyelashes danced on her cheekbones when she tilted her head down for a moment – told him she wanted to play – and that she wanted to win. But then she spoke, and he felt like maybe he truly had a chance.

“Then I’d wan’ you to stare.”

“What if I wanted to touch?”

“I might decide I don’t wan’ to cut your hand, then.”

How did I and Bonnie do? Also, feel free to let me know what you think of the idea of a part two if you want :)

Feedback and PB requests are welcome! ❤️

TAGS (to be added to or to be removed from any list, shoot me an ask)

Everything: @idhrenniel @saibh29 @fuckthatfeeling @aya-fay @pebblesz892  @mblaqgi​ @becs-bunker

Peaky Blinders: @whimsylavender​ @thethyri​ @friendleyneighbourhoodvillain  @flowers-in-your-hayr @oddsnendsfanfics @medievalfangirl @inforapound

People that might be interested: @sweetvengeancee @kellydixon01 @kind-wolf

#bonnie gold #bonnie gold imagine #bonnie gold x reader #bonnie gold fanfiction #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders fanfiction #angelaiswriting

[channies-sinful-archives]

Destressing-session - Bangchan

Description: Quietly coming back home from being fired from your job, you learn that your fiancee Chan had already found out about it. But as he attempts to help you get your mind off things with sweet gestures, stuff goes wrong, resulting in a heated Plan B "destressing-session"

Word count: Around 3.6k

Pairing: Bangchan x (fem) reader

Citrus Scale Rating: Lemon

Warnings: overstimulation, sex, oral sex, fingering, 2 rounds, fuff!, comfort

Trigger warnings: loss of weight, self-deprication, a series of unfortunate events (NOt intended pun LOL) or just lotsa stuff going wrong (ur getting fired from ur job and spill some coffee...smh ) , suspicion, worried Chan!! :( (+ are love bites a trigger warning?)

A/N: The prologue (?) to the smut is kind of long, but I intended making this a one shot with a bit of story line and including fluff and Bangchan being all lovey-dovey so you feel good !! Or just skip to the important part if you’re really horny or sum lol

Somewhere around the beginning of the lemon part I marked it by placing orange stars (***) so it’s easier for you to find ! Dear god, this is my first time ever writing smut, I’m only experienced in reading it LMAO anyways I hope you enjoy

-

Quietly closing the door behind you, you slump down on the sofa. It has been a horrible day - in fact, you have been fired from your job and are therefore earlier at home than usual.

Your now former workplace and some co-workers have been nagging you for a long time and you're even partly happy you've finally been freed, but it still feels weird thinking you'll have nothing to wake up to the next few mornings - even though it's been rough.

You're worn out from your both mentally and physically exhausting day and would love a hug from your fiancee Chan now, but knowing he's been in the studio all night and probably sleeping soundly now, you decide to let him be.

Looking over to your left you see that the light in the kitchen's still on. You don't think too much about it and get up to flip the light switch. As you complete your movements, you notice an unfinished cup of coffee and touch it, feeling the mug's warmth.

"Huh? Coffee? Chan doesn't drink coffee, does he?" You mumble.

That being weird enough, you notice voices coming from your shared bedroom. That Chan might have company over is not what you want to be thinking, but you can't help being suspicious.

So while you're carefully taking off your shoes, you take quiet steps to the source of the sounds. Upon arriving you put your ear against the door to hear them more clearly.

But the sounds stop and in that split second the door opens, revealing a surprised Chan with his phone in his hands.

"Thanks, I'll call you back later."

His finger presses the red button and he drops his shoulders "Y/N, what's this?" A frown crosses his face.

"Huh?" You frown too "I could ask you the same thing, Chan."

To clear up your suspicions you look into the all too familiar room behind him and scan it thoroughly for company. But when you see that no one else is in it, you return your gaze to Chan's.

His gaze is intense and you feel guilty for having been suspicious, but you hear a small sigh escape his lips and about a second later you feel his strong and warm body carefully press against you in an embrace.

When he removes himself from you again, you watch his facial expression turn soft, hinting worry "Minho was on the phone just now", Chan says.

Lee Minho is, or was, one of your co-workers and he's been friends with Chan for longer than you've known him. In fact, Minho's the one who introduced Chan to you back in the day. Therefore he knows what’s been going on at work.

You drop your gaze "He told you, didn't he?" is what you ask him in a whisper. Chan probably wasn't mad at you, actually, you know he'd worry. You are indeed very disappointed and you are aware he might be, too, since you two share some important memories at that place. But he doesn’t respond, just continues on looking at you worryingly.

"So the coffee's for me?" You ask, forcing a smile on your lips. He nods, now letting mumbles escape his lips "Mhm, let's go".

Guiding you to the living room's sofa on which you'd sat on just now with a warm hand on your shoulder, you feel more loose. You sit down and he puts a blanket over your legs. "I want you to relax a bit, alright, love?"

You share a smile and he brings you the cup of coffee you have been expecting. He turns the TV on and sits down on the edge of the sofa right next to you.

But the TV is not what you focus on. The news had been playing and they seem to be pretty dramatic, but actually, only now you notice that Chan is wearing the fluffy sweater you love so much and his messy hair stands out to you, too, but not in a bad manner and his broad shoulders will always be attractive to you and you get the sudden urge to hug him again and to brush your hands through his messy, but awfully fluffy blonde hair.

But as you reach for him lost in thought you forget about the mug on your lap and spill some of it over yourself in result.

"Oh no!" escapes your lips with a gasp. Chan quickly turns around and notices the mess. "Hold on, I'll get a towel" he says rushedly and jogs over to the kitchen. Without hesitation you fastly remove the mug and the blanket to see if some coffee has gotten on your clothes and to your disadvantage, there indeed is a small spot of coffee on your pants.

Chan returns with a towel in his hands and you both try to mop up everything you spilled your beverage on.

"I'm so sorry... I seriously can't get anything right today." you let out, self-deprivingly "I'm a failure", is what you add short after.

But Chan doesn't respond. You look up to him, who is standing. He seems upset and you remember how he always tells you to not talk about yourself in a bad way, because that is what you do a lot. And it makes him mad. But everything he does and did for you and feels and felt about you, has always been and is still out of love.

"Y/n, I understand how you must be feeling right now, but try to understand me, too! You insult yourself and how does that make someone feel who loves you with all his might? You are insulting what is dear to me, you know!"

It's awfully quiet there for a second, but he breaks the tense atmosphere by hugging you again. This time it's way longer than before and you just want to take in everything you are feeling right now.

His smell, his touch, his warmth, the feeling of his body on yours - you love him lots and you are aware that he just wants you to be happy, but you can't help feeling down. He understands that, too.

"I should go change clothes now." You say removing yourself from him and try to get up quickly, but he pushes you back on the sofa and replies calmly "Don't. I'll go get you something cute."

You nod to yourself. And not long after he returns with your favorite pair of sweatpants. "Remove your clothes" is what he then says demandingly.

"You're nice and all, but I can change my clothes on my own." You add and gesture him to leave.

"What? Can't I help my fiancee?" He replies to you cockily. You sigh. You appreciate his kindness, but things like these are very senseless to you. At times you think he sees you as a child.

And ever since you're engaged, which is 4 months now, not once has he let you cook (in his presence at least), always demanded to drive you to work and pick you up from it and insisted on doing most of the cleaning in the apartment you two share.

He seems to have pleasure in babying and spoiling you, completely ignoring the fact that you are an adequate independent and grown woman.

But you know that it's hard to talk to him about this, since he is very stubborn when it comes to these things and discussing this now would be more than you could take currently with everything that's been going on. And in the end he's the one who wins anyway. So you remove your pants and sigh.

"Y/n..."

You look up to him "Yeah?" Now meeting his gaze you respond by raising your eyebrows a bit and tilting your head.

******************************

"You know, I get so worried when I see you losing weight"

He comes closer, sitting himself next to you. He rests his hand on your naked thigh, looking at it full of worry.

He's right, you did lose some weight since work has gotten more stressful, but it's nothing new, but you barely see each other, which explains his sudden reaction.

You remember how much you missed his intimate touch. Your insane work hours and his lack of nightly sleep always keep you from sleeping in same shifts. The place next to you on the bed is always empty and only having meals together just doesn't cut it.

You grab his nape and bring his head close to yours for a kiss.

As your lips meet you taste the sweetness of your own lipbalm on his. He returns the kiss passionately and lovingly, but most importantly carefully - all in all, everything he ever does to you and for you is careful. Almost as if he is too scared to break or hurt what is most important and expensive to him, in other words, you.

The grip he had on your thigh has become stronger, catching you off-guard as you have been concentrating on other things.

He leans closer into you, leaving less space than there had initially been and opens his mouth a little more to slip his tongue past, asking you for permission to enter.

Encouraging him, you let him in and get lost in the kiss as it gets deeper, feeling all the neediness he has got to offer.

The second you put your free hand on his chest he pushes you on your back tracing your leg with the back of his other hand, all while your lips and tongues are still intertwined.

Now on your back, him placed over you, lips on lips, body on body you feel a lot safer and loosen up. The touch of the love of your life and the warmth of his kiss are the only thing you want to feel right now.

Holding onto this moment, you bury your hands in his hair and put your unclothed legs around his waist, pulling him even closer to you.

"Babygirl..." he whispers in an unexpectedly vulnerable, but deep voice. And who would have known that this is enough to make your body heat up and fill with desire.

You stop kissing and just look each other in the eye, foreheads touching, noses brushing against each other. His breath is hot. And so is his touch on your face as he embraces your cheek with one head, giving you a last short peck, before lifting his upper body.

He is now straddling you and slowly opening his belt savouring the view he has in front of him. His lust is extremely obvious, making him only more attractive.

While you look at him doing his devine movements you get more excited, already missing his touch.

"I'll help you destress in a sec, baby" he adds, as if reading your mind and knowing very well that you want him and that you need him right now and in this moment.

While he does so, you remove your shirt, revealing your bra and throw it on the floor. Chan bites his lip, trying to hide a smile that was forming on his face. He loved you endlessly and found you beautiful no matter what.

"Right now I am the happiest man alive" he murmurs and quickly leans over you again, as he finishes opening his belt and the pant's fly.

He leaves kisses starting from your neck accompanied by his hands travelling down your body simultaneously. He leaves marks on his way down, first on your neck, then on your collarbone and then on your breasts. To see more of you, he slowly makes your bra undone and places his tongue on your nip as soon as it's removed.

To your surprise, he suddenly bites into your breast, sparking the fire in your body up even more making you moan quietly.

Then he moves on, trailing you more with kisses until his lips reach your abdomen and his palms the sides of it. He is getting close to your incredibly hot core and you are loving the tension.

He now is sliding his hands in reversed direction from your calves to the back of your knees over to your hips, both hands stroking your body.

You can't wait any longer and to your luck, he does not prolong this and puts his lips on your core, exactly over the place where your clothed clit is and gives it a long peck before he starts trailing his tongue around it. You tense up in pleasure, feeling every little movement.

And it's hard to believe, but this would mark the first time he'd go down on you, if he decided to go on, of course.

Eager to know what's next you look over to your partner and your eyes meet, as you feel his fingers brushing against you while moving your panties to the side and stroking your incredibly wet slit with his thumb.

Again you can't hold a moan back and bite your lip in response. It was unexpected for both of you, since you normally wouldn't do so and try to hide your embarrassment. But the surprised expression on Chan's face just turns into a sly smirk.

"So it feels good?"

You want to reply with a nod, but another moan slips off your lips as he pushes his fingers inside of you, hitting your sweet spot right away, deeper than you could've reached with the long fingers he has compared to you.

But looking at his expression, you're not embarrassed anymore, since he seems to enjoy hearing you.

Deciding he wants to take in all of you, he tears your panties from your legs quickly and sets his tongue on your core to lick your wetness up.

You shiver out of pleasure. As he continues, he moves on to suck on your clit and sticks his fingers into you again, this time one more.

He easily reaches your sweet spot again, but intensifies the feeling by curling up his fingers exploring this vulnerable part of you. But this doesn't go on for long "Prepared?"

"Huh?" You didn't expect anything more as the last time you had sex had been what feels like ages ago, but without a lot of ado, he gets his member out of his boxers and slowly strokes him twice, looking at you extremely horny.

"Fuck, I'm so damn hard, babygirl " He says in a weak but extremely horny manner before placing himself in front of your entrance.

Making sure you stay as close as possible to him, he puts his big hand on yours, strangling them over your head and resting his elbow on the pillow. He then, without warning, pumps into you, making you moan louder than before and cuts it off by kissing you intensely again.

As your "destressing-session" goes on he starts to groan, which you find incredibly sexy.

The reactions from your body upon the feeling of his cock inside you shows how much you've missed the sex you had with Chan. The thrusting went on, getting faster and faster, your moans getting louder and higher as you feel your climax getting closer.

His groaning and moaning mess kept wanting to hear more and more of you, kept wanting to pleasure you as much as he could, moving his now cold hand down to your core, rubbing your clitoris both intensely and precisely, moving it in a circular pattern, getting you closer and faster to your climax.

And you can't resist but to free your hands from his strong hold to lift his sweater up to touch his muscular back and leave marks by digging your nails into him.

It most definitely hurted, but he enjoyed it as he moaned "Ah Fuck " all over the place. More loud moans left your lips in response to his powerful thrusting that was increasing in speed with every second.

Then as his pumping reaches its peak you roll your eyes back as you feel your climax washing over you. It goes on for longer than usual and as you feel it ending you hear Chan escaping one last long "Fuck" as he gets off, too.

But it doesn't end here. As he removes himself from you, he keeps pumping his member as he gets down on you again to lick your squirt up, outside and inside, too.

The ticklish feeling of his tongue on and in your slit feels amazing and you feel pushed off the edge when he moves on to your overworked and sensitive clitoris. Sucking and licking wilder than before you feel yourself going crazy. But this time he got you captured tightly, and nothing could have gotten you out of his strong grip.

"This is not destressing, this is pushing all of my buttons" You say, with groans inbetween your words, feeling your clitoris throbbing because of overstimulation.

Your shivering and twitching and trembling is unstoppable and you grab ahold of the sofa's sheet like you have never done before. The edging ends with you both having another climax and Chan releasing and falling onto you giving you kisses all over your face and neck.

"I love you" He says with every peck "Don't ever be suspicious of me again, I'm only yours"

Cozily laying there together body by body after having calmed down, you think about the voices that you had heard coming from the bedroom today, which were, as you had found out after, the voices of Chan talking to Minho over his mobile phone. But what if Chan actually would've had someone over? What would you have done if he in fact cheated on you?

But your face scrunches at the thought of it. "That's funny - how would anyone as sweet and lovely as Chan do that, Y/n? " You think to yourself as you slowly drift into a deep sleep in your fiancee's embrace, the engagement rings sparkling in the warm colors of the sunset's lights that were flooding the room.

- the end -

#my first smut!!! #stray kids smut #stray kids #skz #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #kpop #kpop smut #kpop imagines #bangchan smut #bangchan #bangchan x reader #chan smut #chan #chan fanfic #bangchan fanfic #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #kpop fanfic #lemon #fluff smut #fluff #stray kids fluff #kpop fluff #chan x reader #y/n #bangchan hot #oneshot #new blog #hyunjin smut

[sunshinexlollipops]

Honestly I recommend maybe just mentioning the situation to your manager. That way if he even gets hired maybe they can just keep an eye on it. I had a similar situation where a coworker kept making suggestive comments to me. I didn’t really think twice about it but some of my female coworkers freaked when i told them and they made me tell the manager who kept an eye on it and dealt with things when it eventually escalated from there.

Okay anon so this is a bit of a longer, more in-depth response to what happened and giving more context about my former coworker’s creepy behavior this week and what my manager did in response to it!

I put a read more to help avoid making this post a massive pain to scroll past, haha.

But at a glance, I can say that I was disturbed this week with some of what he was doing and tbh I’m trying to minimize things so that hopefully a situation isn’t created and I cannot actively become a target if this guy hates rejection in any form and me trying to get distance will piss him off.

It’s... a lot. But for right now my bases are as covered as far as they can be!

edit: oh my god this thing got so messed up and deleted part of this WTF.

Basically he’s a young kid and he’s unofficially on the spectrum. He wasn’t well liked at first because he did a lot of stupid stuff when he first got hired (like chasing after a customer and accusing them of theft when they DIDN’T steal anything and then arguing with customers to the point they wanted to kick his ass-- not even joking, they were ready to fight him). I tried to be kind to him but had to correct things so at first he liked that I wasn’t as harsh as other people but I guess that developed into feelings over time.

He has a GF and while he likes her, it’s like they are easily one thing away from breaking up. I’m sure she is the only reason he hasn’t said anything, and if they do break up, BOOM open season begins. His GF mentioned she doesn’t like him being around me and he told me this and I said: “Tell her not to worry, I’m gay / don’t date anyone / am never interested in anyone / or we are JUST FRIENDS.”

This never stalled him. And despite us never directly talking about feelings and him never admitting he had a crush, it was obvious. He was always wanting to talk to me, attached to my hip. But it was weird because for a minute, he was starting to become a bit distant right up until I mentioned I was leaving, and then he just did all this stuff in a week’s span.

I didn’t exactly get too in depth on my initial posts, but he really creeped me out this week.

My 2nd to last day at my old job, I went through what I call “the phone fiasco.”

I was cashier, and I was at the register ringing up customers at a near constant. Because of this, my coworker couldn’t come up to talk to me and he had to stay in his department across the store. Well, a lady is about to swipe her card, and the guy behind her sees her puppy and says he’d love a picture of it for his wife it that was okay. The lady consents and the guy takes his phone out.

We have radios to communicate with one another and over the radio my coworker yells: IS THAT GUY TAKING PHOTOS OF YOU?

I seriously didn’t understand what was happening at first, but after he repeated himself I’m like... “Uh no dude, he’s taking pics of a dog?”

My manager on duty was really confused for a sec and I had to explain that no one was taking pictures of me. As I did this, I looked over to my coworker’s department and I couldn’t see anyone. Meaning: I couldn’t see where he was watching me from. Knowing he had been doing so before this, as he noticed this guy take his phone out for pictures, this disturbed me because it had me wondering how long this kid was watching me for, on top of not knowing/seeing where he was doing this.

My last day at work he got me a card. He basically said he’d miss me and he gave me a few dollars with it. I was half expecting him to say something about his feelings because he was so nervous about this card. But I thanked him politely and he told me he would “see me soon” at my new job (which he learned of from coworkers) and wished me luck. 

Well I didn’t know that mean he was going to come in THE NEXT DAY. As I mentioned, my last two days of work lined up consecutively with my first 5 at my new job, so I legit worked 7 days straight this past week. So I legit finished my old job with him the day prior, and now here he is the following morning at my new work.

I seriously got no heads up or had any idea he was coming in until he already left and he didn’t see me. I was in the back doing my computer training when he texted me about it and said he was coming in again after a few days.

He did as promised and showed up and made sure to come in when I was working. Due to COVID hours and scheduling, I would’ve been there one hour after opening and would leave one hour before close, so there wasn’t a good window to avoid him during that time.

He made sure to sneak up on me and surprise me and after he did that he began talking to me. He told me about how work was going to shit (not a lie tbh) and he was wanting to jump ship and he asked me if my new work was hiring. I told him to jump, genuinely, because that place is hell, but I suggested to try other places in the area as I didn’t think any positions were really open. He took this as “yes there’s something” and “ah what a great suggestion about positions here” because he said he would talk to my manager and see if he could get hired on “soon.”

Like visiting me, he went in to talk to my manager the FOLLOWING day. He went in store and asked about applying and my manager talked to him a bit. I haven’t mentioned him to my manager whatsoever and I’ve only mentioned one former coworker that I was hoping could transition over which was NOT him. My manager thought it was him but in general told him about a full-time position that was open. He immediately tried to bank on this.

He texted me after this happened telling me I was “a saint.” Idk why because I:

1) never recommended him to apply in the first place.

It was his idea and I advocated against it. I was never encouraging him to apply to my work, but actively at other places.

2) didn’t tell him about the position he applied for.

I didn’t know what was available. I told him as much. And even when he texted me about it, he said my store manager informed him of this full time position.

Which leads me onto what happened YESTERDAY. He texts me trying to ask for my associate ID for his application. I did this myself, and I put that my sis/coworker recommended I apply. When you do this, it asks for their ID on the app. Like most people, I noped and just said I found out by an employment site.

No. This boy wants to give me credit for something I didn’t do. Legit I didn’t even know that position was available and ofc I couldn’t recommend something I didn’t know existed. He was still insistent so I lied and said I couldn’t remember my number, lmao.

Now for the biggest bit: I had talked to my manager the day before this whole “let me give you credit” text.

My manager wanted my opinion on him anyways, but I contacted her out of the blue asking to talk to him. I told her about all of this listed above and how I was getting majorly creeped out and uncomfortable, and she completely understood. The phone fiasco bothered her and she didn’t like how I told her about “he’s come to see me twice and is trying to become my coworker again in 6 days of me being here.”

She doesn’t seem keen on hiring him but will most likely have to go through the interview for the sake of things but there were other issues like his availability and in general, he’s been refused at my work once before (reason why he ended up applying and getting hired at my old work). So hopefully it will look like a more natural rejection with valid reasons instead of it just being how he is with me because I do not want to escalate him, if possible.

I’m trying to make it appear like distance is withering things too, unless he really amps up and does creepier things because I only want to outright tell him to fuck off with more fire behind those words and when it truly becomes a bigger issue than a week’s worth of weird shit.

Management already knows, so if it gets worse, I will be able to address it and I’ve been starting to keep note of things happening in case it does escalate and it becomes an issue that affects my security and well-being.

Oof. Gotta love guys, right? ;--;

[advernia]

the world in her heart, her heart in his hands

assorted sidenotes for the fic i made in response to an anon-sent aesthetic prompt! oooh boy, i sure took long on this one lmao...... _(:3 」∠)_

prompt #7: steady notes coming from a guitar nearby, fireflies dancing around the clearing, two sleeping bags close together, and a bright full moon briefly covered by a cloud.

so the core idea i had when i saw that prompt got requested was based on jonah’s say i do! route: he says that one day, he wanted to go to the land of reason + see the place alice was born and raised. tbh idk how the prompt even led me to that, but the imagery vibes i got from the prompt hinted of something like freedom. or something like lovers secretly meeting in the woods, which i sort of went by.

OKAY SO I SWEAR I FINISHED WRITING THE PROMPT (day zero!!!) EARLY (by my standards) LMAO.............. like, maybe a week after i got the ask or so? but then when i went about proofreading it i felt that it was... lacking??? i can’t explain it myself, but i didn’t wanna post it yet until i got that feeling cleared out - i tried revising + adding, but it didn’t help so i just started thinking about expanding the fic instead...

thinking about the scenes really took longer than i thought?!?!?! i wanted this request up early but i was stumped on what kind of scenes i wanted to see + how their lengths were gonna be.... plus i was thinking if i should go solely on narration + description........ or maybe more of dialogue...... then i jumped to holy shit what’s my timeline gonna be what cultural whatnot am i gonna emphasize and i think i fussed over those aspects rather than picturing the actual scenes LMAOOO.......................

great disclaimer: i have NEVER stepped into the uk..... or england + london for that matter ahahaha GET REKT tho i want to someday huehuehue....... i heavily relied my research on maps + history websites + train timetables to help me get through the touring parts so do forgive me if i messed up somewhere + butchered history haha..... i was thinking to make things vague, but since i’m always in for emphasizing the differences between cradle + land of reason, i decided to get a little technical with it......

i have to admit that i wrote most of the fic during breaks in work hELLA RAD........... i’m doing my job properly, i swear........ it’s just that when i already have a stable idea of what i want to happen, the scene becomes clearer in my mind. i wanted so! badly! to add scenes of jonah pronouncing words and looking at various things funny!!! jonah and his attempts to communicate with londoners!!! fussy jonah poking around a boutique, him being fascinated + studying displays of gun shops, or him accidentally offending the royal guard + constables LMAOOOOO but i couldn’t seem to write anything satisfactory involving those ideas........... ಥ_ಥ

back to the issue of timeline, i was picturing the london in this fic to be around the 1860s or smth.... but then i remembered that in edgar’s dramatic end letter, he mentions his fascination with electricity aka lightbulbs......... which were, like...... discovered early 1800s but only became common in 1882 ahahaha....... when i realized this i was already writing day 18 oOOPS so i just decided to go on and wing it I’M SORRY _(:3 」∠)_

on timeframe, i know that it’s very highly unlikely that jonah would take a vacation for two months. i bet the mere concept of a one-month vacation is enough to give him a heart attack LMAOOOO but let’s just say that red army told him to take his time in the land of reason, especially when they learn that jonah plans to formally meet alice’s parents. when he hears about this, lancelot tosses in the suggestion of proposing to alice while they’re in the land of reason, so that jonah can tell her parents about that too. jonah thinks it’s a fantastic idea..... so he decides to accept hot damn, a two month vacation!

whole route & lengths of stay (points streaked with red are mentioned within the fic minus nottingham whoops sorry):

london [16 days bc IT’S A BIG CITY LMAO (day 30 - 14). rides a morning train going to bristol on the 14th, arrives there midday.]

bristol [5 days (day 14 - 9). leaves bristol on the morning of the 9th to walk all the way to glastonbury, arrives there come late afternoon / evening.]

glastonbury [4 days (day 9 - 5). leaves midday of the 5th to walk their way to alice’s village, arrives there around sunset.]

alice’s village / ‘actual wonderland’ lmao [5 days (day 5 - 0). located somewhere in between bridgwater, taunton, and glastonbury. month 1 of vacation has ended.]

day log commentary!

thirty. arrival in the land of reason through falling - routes where alice does go back don’t feature her falling down london’s sky, so maybe she’s just... spit out from the hole????? idk haha so i altered it anyway!!!!! the landing scene was initially like this: jonah lands first, he catches alice in his arms, they banter a bit....... and then they suddenly remember the suitcase only for said object to fall right on jonah’s head LMAOOO....... it’s a cradle magical object that looks like a regular suitcase but will always be as light as a feather despite it’s contents + it has GREAT CAPACITY so jonah is actually okay!!!!!! i decided to scrap that scene concept though haha!

twenty-nine. does the hole to the land of reason only open around midnight or smth???? i’m sure it doesn’t, but i went with jonah + alice leaving cradle minutes before twelve o’clock, so when they arrive in london jonah gets to see the big ben signal midnight. is that planned on alice’s part? maybe. on another note, i’m assuming that a high-ranking officer + noble like jonah is definitely used to traveling to other countries so he’s definitely not one for homesickness, but i like the thought of him always feeling all sorts of uncomfortable on his first nights away from home - he doesn’t make a big deal about it bc he gets better three days in or so. idk, it just seems fitting for someone very particular like him.

twenty-seven. if luka’s hair is fucking dyed, my god (no wonder i found those light ends of his hair sorta funny), then here’s jonah excuse to adapt another hair color with the help of magic crystals LMAO - i always stick with a reality ensues standpoint, so his ikeman looks aside, i’m sure londoners would find jonah’s hair color (heck, maybe even his eye color) very unique. alice can’t deal with all that sudden attention lol but she somewhat proud that the man who has effortlessly captured the attention of the people of her world too is the man she proudly calls her lover ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

twenty-three. now that i think of it, what exactly does cradle mean when they say the land of reason? are they simply referring to the city of london, or earth as a whole??? most likely the latter, but i’m pretty sure no one except blanc (and possibly ray bc that globe in his room lol) know exactly how large the land of reason is. anyway, not gonna lie, i wanted jonah + alice talking about novels by maybe the likes of charles dickens, thomas hardy, george eliot or h.g. wells. heck, maybe jane austen and charlotte bronte too!!!! but i had to scrap that bc gaps in understanding cultural & historical references + use of language, figurative and non-figurative.... it’s a shame about the last two though - i’m sure jonah can somehow probably relate to the society depicted in their books since the red territory sounds like your typical breeding place of victorian era nobles lmao!!!!

eighteen. sometimes when people learn / gain a deeper understanding about new things, they have the urge to brag about said knowledge to others - of course jonah wants to show alice what he knows about her world so far haha! calling a train a mechanical beast tho lmao..... he refers to it that way, but i think it’s his target of fascination in london!!! noise and possibly environmental issues aside, it’s very convenient + efficient and can cater to all, but what he finds most impressive that it’s a man-made locomotive!!! that’s something worth incredible praise!!! ( ᐛ )و

fourteen. actual train ride!!! hmmm.... i think jonah only panics maybe a good thirty minutes in when the train starts moving??? alice tries to calm him down by pointing at the passing scenery out the window + idle chatter until jonah finally relaxes himself.... but then he starts to panic slightly again when alice suggests that they look around the train and he’s like: is that even remotely safe??? what about our baggages, can we leave them unattended??? hey, i saw you snicker - how dare you laugh at me!!!

nine. according to google, an estimate of a walk starting from bristol going to glastonbury is 8h 25min. that’s for the present time though - would’ve it been shorter or longer in the past??? idk, but definitely one’s pace during the walk affects the total time, lol. since railroads only started out around 1830s + i made alice a village girl, walking really is her way to go. pedestrianism was still a thing around the 19th century!!! her stamina in other routes tho lol (ﾟ⊿ﾟ)

six. here’s my self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 1 LMAOOOO -   the steps in the scene aren’t really from a certain folk dance in england, much less from glastonbury itself... i did look up on england folk dances, but i couldn’t pick one that i wanted to incorporate into the scene so i went with describing some random steps on the top of my head _(:3 」∠)_ ..... maybe someday, i’ll write a proper one..... on another note though, i suppose jonah can adapt quickly to folk dances, but he may come off a bit stiff at first in line / column dances where there’s the switch of partners??? i mean, there are formal 19th century dances that have that same concept, but.... the finesse + personal boundaries are all there lmao -  he’s not against the casual intimacy + show of obvious joy in folk + common dances though, it’s just more of that he’s not used to the informality of it all, i think.

five. plot twist: alice does lead jonah to her home, the cottage on a hill like she always described, but what he doesn’t expect is when she solemnly says that she’d introduce him to her parents she leads him to the back of the hill and in the foot of the hill he finds himself staring at her parents’ gravestones as she’s smiling sadly with a bouquet of flowers in her hand OH WAIT WRONG GENRE WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FLUFF LMAO - kidding aside, i do hope cybird catches onto the idea of a story event of chosen suitor going to the land of reason with alice to meet her parents or smth!!! they did do a travel event in the jp ver, after all.... but i’m not keeping my hopes up haha....... _(:3 」∠)_

zero. self-indulgent thing of wanting to add a dance scene, pt. 2 - tho it’s in the latter part along with the prompt lmao!!! hmmm, i’m pretty satisfied with how this one turned out tho i had a little problem arranging the first half - the rest i relatively left untouched even after i added the rest of the days to the fic. hopefully, does well as a nice end to the fic itself..... tbh, the thought of summer dress alice + casual shirt & pants jonah both barefoot & running around like children in moonlit woods (don’t do this in real life folks) made me smile a lot. give me more soft-and-not-so-tooth-rotting-fluff scenes, cybird

also!!! since the prompt involved a guitar, i had a certain track on repeat lmao - you can listen to it here, and it’s the second to the last track titled umibe ni yurete (swaying in the beach)! (ノ^∇^)

and that’s all that i’ve got today!!! thank you very much for reading + hope you’re staying safe & well wherever you are!!!!（｡≧◇≦）ﾉ

#rundown.txt #u know what else took me so long to decide on this fic #a title + summary LMAOOOO #i wanted the title to be something related to the prompt but.... so much for that orz #i usually have no problems making them up but #why was this a struGGLE LOLOL

[chiyoumen]

Two Faced | Chapter 3: Inseparable

Angst | Hurt, no comfort | Jealousy | Denial 

I wasn’t able to get to my computer to post chapter 3 here on tumblr, but here it is now (for anyone who is past meeting Ren and hasn’t read this chapter on Ao3 yet lmao)

Summary:

Neither of them expected their reunion to be so... Bleak. Distance had given them both false expectations and changes in perception. The contact high had faded, and so had their victories.

Ren keeps his stead fast desire for treasure, and Ryo keeps his desire for justice, and peace. The conflict lay in their want for one another... Of which they both further deny.

But, Ren knows he needs Ryo to reach his goals, whether he cared about him or not... Their disappointing reunion left them both feeling raw.

What happens when he eavesdrops, and finds how Ryo speaks about him to other people?

What happens when he hears him flirting with another man?

Notes:

There is, of course, major spoilers for Shenmue III from this point on. Future chapters are planned, and will hopefully make it out as I replay the game again. 

This chapter is based on the meeting with Ren in Niaowu, which was far more mundane than I expected. But it gave me something to work with, so here we are. It also involved the scene after they meet, where Ryo talks to Shenhua about him, and then calling some people, since I had the international calling card. 

Major thanks to everyone who's commented, left kudos, and sent asks to me about this, or generally read this and supported in any way. Your support keeps this alive and I greatly appreciate it!

Hope you enjoy!

[Inseparable]

"He really liked you, didn't he?"

Honestly, he wasn't so sure about Joy's observation. Whenever he was around Ren, there was a palpable tension. The kiss they shared, the memories... The moment he felt strongest was at the top of the yellow head building, Ren's hand upon his shoulder, staring off into the sunset sky as Lan Di got away. He felt nearly defeated when Lan Di had escaped. But there was much more in that moment. He felt so close - like he could truly accomplish finding his father's killer.

And now... He was beginning to feel more alone than ever. While his relationship with Shenhua had grown, and he felt safe with her, she was... Comfortable. He didn't know how else to put that. She was innocent, and he was scared of her seeing more of the world than necessary - but she'd made her choice to follow him. He couldn't blame her for wanting to save her father... And he absolutely wanted to help. She was by no means weak, but she was quite naive.

Ren following him to China was something he'd anticipated, but he hadn't allowed himself to think on it too much. What if he hadn't shown up? He couldn't let himself feel that disappointment.

But he had shown up.

"Is that really all I get!?"

Ryo's heart practically punched through his chest when he heard that abrasive voice slice through the crowds and busy vendors. Ryo saw him the moment he turned the corner and did not hesitate to approach.

"THIS much." Ryo watched him gesture a large amount, "I want THIIIS much."

"Ren-" He tried to push through Ren's argument with the vendor.

Finally, he was here again. But he didn't turn around. He was just shouting about noodles and how stingy the vendor was being... This wasn't surprising.

"Ren!" Ryo needed to be heard.

Ren turned and face him, his heart leaping in frustration over the situation, words slipping from his lips because he did not want this to happen now, "Oh, for crying out loud!"

Play it cool, play it cool. You didn't follow him across China only out of worry. Right, money. That was the main reason, duh. Screw any other reason, honestly. It was the truth, just... Not the whole truth.

"What are you doing here?" Ryo asked, as if he hadn't known Ren would follow him all along.

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Ren gestured to the stand multiple times, "I'm buying some chow mein!"

Ryo glared, "This is no time for jokes."

Ren drew his hands up, taking a step back, that scowl always made his heart skip, "Oh, there you go with that scary face again."

Ryo stepped closer, grabbing Ren's full attention, at least for a moment, "What the hell are you doing in Niaowu?"

'Say it,' Ryo plead internally, 'say you actually care for once, damn it.'

Ren stared at him for a moment, and the smirk that grew on Ren's face made Ryo scared to hear what he was about to say.

"You remember hearing Zhu Yuanda's story back in Kowloon?" Ren wagged his finger upward, and as he finished his statement, he couldn't bear to keep looking at Ryo, and darted his eyes away. Focus on anything else.

Ryo glared instantly, "About what?"

'Please don't say treasure.' Ryo thought, but it was cut off by exactly what he didn't want.

"Treasure!"

'Bastard.' he internally replied, glaring a little.

"I'm talking about treasure!" Ren hissed, briefly raising his fist to him to prove his sure, rock-steady stance on exactly what he was after. But he couldn't look at Ryo anymore, or that rock wall of a facade may crumble. So he turned away, unable to avoid the tension when Ryo lingered closer despite his move away, "The scent is so strong I can practically smell it..."

Ryo sighed, turning his head to stare at the ground. Ren really wasn't as good as he'd built him up to be. In the end, Ryo didn't give a damn about treasure. He wanted vengeance, justice, and eventually peace, and while he had thought Ren cared about that - he very clearly didn't.

"You..." Ryo's voice dropped, trailing off.

He shouldn't have been surprised.

Ren looked back to him, brow raising at Ryo's sudden downcast appearance. Damn. It worked. Ryo couldn't see through anything.

Ren stretched his arms back in the most nonchalant manner he could, deciding that he really didn't want to deal with the aftermath of this encounter. It wasn't his fault that Ryo showed up unexpectedly, he wasn't prepared! And now the kid was upset. Whatever. Ryo could handle himself.

"I'm gonna walk around some more." He flashed a fake, crooked smile at Ryo as he backed away, waving, abrupt and awkward, completely disregarding why he had been at the noodle stand in the first place, "See ya."

As Ryo glared at his back, he hadn't the faintest idea that Ren could be cursing himself mentally the entire time he walked away. Instead, Ryo was wondering how the Hell they'd gotten so close - only for it to be torn away to shreds and crumble so quickly... They'd only been apart a few weeks, but perhaps that was enough to put all their pain and differences in perspective. Or at least remind Ren what his real goal was.

"That Ren could easily pass for a red snake..." He sighed, mumbling to himself, "Guess I should head back to the bustling diner I go." He'd said it loudly in a last ditch effort to tell Ren where he'd be. But the man didn't even acknowledge him.

Ryo's heart had sunk into his stomach, any attempt at staying positive was gone, and he hadn't moved away from their meeting spot right away. He had a feeling that they both knew they'd see one another again - but this was not what he'd been anticipating... And Ren felt as cold as ever. That smirk of his was the same yet it felt so false and hollow. He felt more like the man he met the tried to stab him right off the bat... He felt like that same broken thug he distrusted, and needed to go to for help. He no longer felt the man who spoke up against his cool demeanor, the man who helped him when he didn't need to... the man he'd kissed.

He felt used.

Ryo's fists clenched tightly with his anger, rage brimming his eyes with tears. He'd tried to avoid disappointing himself with thoughts of their reunion - yet this was worse than he'd tried not to imagine. This hurt.

"Damn it..." He muttered inaudibly through gritted teeth, watching Ren's pony tail lightly chase him in the air as he walked away, "Damn you!"

Ren was thinking the same words.

There was nothing about their reunion that felt good - aside from the initial excitement of hearing Ryo call his name. But he was hungry and cranky, not only that, he hadn't expected Ryo to find him in the middle of a vendor's market. This was not going right. This was awful. He couldn't have possibly played it off any worse. Whatever, he really was there to find treasure! Not that he thought Ryo believed that anymore.

Did he care? Sure. Should he? Absolutely not. He had a job to do, and his number one goal was to become rich beyond his wildest dreams. It wasn't his fault that some dumb, passionate kid made him feel a thing or two. It's not like he hadn't slept with people or had brief flings without a second thought before. This was just like that. This was only that...

Being in an actual, public relationship with another man would be a scary prospect at best. Ren had a fondness for women too, but was by no means traditional, nor did he really care about the public opinion. He liked who he liked, despite sexual activity between men being illegal in his hometown. But fuck staying there, anyway, how boring. And since when did he care about any law he didn't want to follow? Boom, problem solved. But only the gods knew how Ryo might feel about that sort of thing. He had no idea how Japanese culture worked when it came to... All of that.

Gods, he was thinking too much. Headache central.

Although... None of it meant he had to be so cold to Ryo.

Maybe he should try again...? He already knew where Ryo was staying, perhaps he could try and stop by, change things. He didn't have to, and he had shit to do, but what good was any of this if Ryo remained pissed at him? There wasn't going to be any treasure, and there wasn't gonna be any glory if he couldn't tail it off the damn kid.

Yeah, that was his rationale.

Ren sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose as he walked along the riverside. Yes, he fucked up. He had to do something. Like fixing a business partnership, right? Damn.

Not too long after their fleeting reunion, Ren made the decision to find Ryo in the Niaowu hotel. He'd been waiting for a while, and it was nearly nine. With a disgruntled groan, he headed into the lobby bathroom, annoyed at Ryo for making him wait so damn long...

Now, he wasn't usually the type to hype himself up, and he felt like an idiot doing so, mumbling under his breath. 'You can do this, he's just a dumb kid, he'll forgive you, this isn't a big deal. You don't even need to ask the idiot.' That was good enough right?

He stared at his hands for a moment, releasing a slow sigh. Gods, he was tired. Getting here hadn't been easy, and now, being here wasn't easy.

Adjusting his bandanna, he moved to leave the restroom.

He froze briefly when he heard Ryo's voice out front. Ren was about ready to push himself ahead, go catch him, talk to him, but he changed his mind the instant he heard a woman respond to him. He snaked against the wall, keeping himself pressed against it as he neared the corner, briefly peeking out to see Ryo sit down with a young, beautiful girl. How strange was that? A girl? Really?

Ren scowled, and moved back against the wall. He was in no way above eavesdropping. He hadn't heard the beginning of their conversation clearly.

Ryo was always awkward, but even more so when he spoke to women.

"Have you found anything?" The woman asked, a delicate, sweet voice reaching their ears.

"Hm. Nothing... New." Ryo replied.

She seemed disappointed, but resigned to patience, "Okay..."

"I..." Ryo paused on and off, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to tell her this, "Met someone... Unexpected, though."

Unexpected in the way he ran into him, not entirely unexpected, as he knew he'd see him eventually.

"Oh, who?" The woman replied.

"A man I met in Hong Kong, named Ren."

Ren's heart skipped, cold sweat beading throughout his skin.

"Ren, huh?" The girl seemed curious, "Is he a friend of yours?"

Neither of them knew the answer to that. But Ryo's response forced Ren into a state of anger that he had to swallow like a dry rock.

"Not... exactly.

Excuse you, kid?

"I keep my guard up when he's around."

'Seriously?' Ren glowered internally, 'After all I've done?'

"So..." She pushed for clarification, "He's a bad guy?"

"Uhm..."

Ren's entire body was washed over in a cold ice.

"Yeah, actually. He is."

Ren's hands balled into fists as he attempted to slow down his rapid breaths. He wasn't going to disagree when he was called a thug, or a jerk, or a snake. But he wasn't a bad guy! ...Was he? No! He was just trying to make a damn living in this harsh environment. One that he was born into and wasn't his fault to begin with!

Yet, his anger was lightly soothed, softened a little upon hearing, "But... We can trust him?"

"Well, yeah... We just have to watch our backs is all."

It was something. But not enough to completely quell the heaviness and heat weighing on him now.

"O...Kay?" She seemed just as confused about the two's relationship as they did.

So... Was that really how Ryo felt about him...?

Ren felt lost in a dizzying heart palpitation. He couldn't find his breath anymore, until he somehow forced a shaky one into his lungs. His nails were digging into his palms, only protected by the fabric of his gloves. He really was a bad guy, wasn't he? He's a thug, a villain, and Ryo had only needed him for help. Never took him for the using people sort, but maybe Ryo wasn't as innocent as anyone liked to believe...

With a start, Ren realized he needed to hide better as the girl passed by, toward the stairs. He slid down the hall, cautious, quick, and careful. He pushed himself off the wall to hide behind the corner in front of the bathroom door, still hidden.

He listened to Ryo and the girl bid each other a good night, and he peeked out very carefully to see if Ryo followed her. He felt some sense of relief when Ryo didn't tail her - but panicked when he almost turned his way. He hid again, and he wasn't spotted. All Ren ended up hearing was the sound of a phone being picked up - and Ryo beginning to dial a number.

Well, he certainly didn't want to apologize now anyway. If he wanted a bag guy, he was going to see one. Bad guys don't apologize, bad guys don't do rescue missions. But Ren had to stay put, there was no way he was going to sneak past Ryo while he was on the phone - Lords knew the damn hotel woman might say something.

But again... Ren was not above eaves dropping. Slowly, he lowered himself to the floor, closing his eyes as he sat on the ground and listened.

"Joy?"

Joy. Joy!? Why of all people would he call Joy? Either way, at first it was a typical greeting, boring the crap out of Ren already. He leaned his head back against the wall, and waited.

But his head shot up when Ryo began talking about him, yet again.

"I ran into Ren here..."

Yeesh, don't say it so dryly.

"Yeah..." He paused, "Play nice? With Ren?"

Ren grimaced to himself. But hey, he wasn't much one for playing nice either. Fair. But the next statement wasn't.

"Don't make me laugh. Nobody would make a great team with him."

'Wow, thanks.' Ren bit back that sarcastic statement, by literally biting his lip, 'Least I'm a leader. I've got people waiting for orders. Tsk.'

"He's only interested in treasure! Treasure is about the last thing I'm after."

Ren's hand hesitantly met his face, rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger. This was a nightmare. Ryo was both completely right and wrong at the same time. Ren's desperation for power and riches completely conflicted with the way his heart was beating right then, with the way he wanted to yell at him for being such a damn idiot, for disregarding his actions and taking priory over his words... Not that he was about to admit a damn thing.

Though the way Ryo spoke next put a dent in his lost thoughts, "A... blast? With Ren? Really?"

Ren peeked out again, nearly crawling to look that annoyingly far around the corner, too quickly, almost making a sound. It was difficult to see him, but he'd stepped back enough. Either the lighting had changed, or Ryo's face had become flushed with red... Ren knew his face matched.

But Ryo scowled, "Give me a break."

Oh, what Ren wouldn't do to hear Joy's side of the conversation. She knew him, she knew him more than he liked to admit... She was gonna weasel his feelings out without being blunt, wasn't she? But Ryo was convinced that he didn't care now, and Joy may have made him flustered, but that didn't change anything!

They shared a kiss! How the hell was he so damn convinced he didn't care? Gods, what kind of a mess had he gotten himself into... Sure, he was the type to run off and do reckless things... But chasing a boy across China? What the fuck was he thinking? At least his friends didn't seem surprised. Wong and Joy may have been able to read him like an open book, but any of his men? Nah. They expected him to chase the scent of money, hell, they trusted him to do so. Of course he'd go running off at the statement 'treasures of the Qing dynasty.' It was a priority to him... Ryo was merely a benefit to the chase. Yeah. That was all. It was better to look at a pretty boy (and potentially a pretty girl now, too) on the trail to gold than fight along side a ton of old geezers. Uhg.

Ren had been lost in thought, and he hadn't realized that Ryo was talking to someone else already. They had been talking for a moment already, and Ren hadn't caught on until he heard...

"Naturally, I didn't do it alone. I was with a few friends I made back in Hong Kong."

Ren peeked up a little again. But scowled, were they friends or not? And who was he talking to!? Yeesh. And he thought he was the hot and cold one.  

Ren stood again, moving a little bit further in when he realized Ryo had moved closer to the phone, his voice more on a hush-hush level. Whoever was on the other end of the line must have been someone who knew of Ryo's path and all that was going on... He wanted to keep it private.

"They were at least trustworthy, but they couldn't hold a candle to you..."

Ren froze in place, staring at Ryo's profile with wide eyes and a sneer. Ohhh no. No, no. Ren knew that tone. That extremely subtle flirting. That damn tease - so similar to the way he spoke his name, the very thing that drove him up a damn wall. Ren gritted his teeth, knowing he was going to get a headache after all of this. There was no way he was talking to a girl, either. He could never be that suave with a woman.

"There were so many times when I wondered, what if I'd brought you with me to Hong Kong..."

Ren felt his stomach drop, every part of him washed with cold again...

That smile in Ryo's voice, that genuine care, who the hell was it on the other line!?

"Yeah, why?" Ryo muttered, a gentle lull to his tone.

No, no, maybe it was just a friend. Maybe he just knew that person really well. Maybe it was a brother or something? That had to be it. Ryo couldn't possibly talk to someone like that in a flirtatious manner... But he did hear a masculine tone on the other line as he stepped closer, pressed back against the wall.

"Are you blushing, Guizhang?"

Guizhang!? Who the fuck is Guizhang!? If he'd been told, he'd completely forgotten. But now, whoever he was, he had his scorn.

Ren thought he'd already heard the worst crap he could possibly hear while eavesdropping. He was wrong. This took the cake, and the presents, and the house. His ears were ringing, vision tunnelling, and his heart felt like it was about to give. All the fury he'd ever felt seemed to rise back into every single fiber of his being all at once. All over a stupid kid and a stupid mystery phone man and a stupid treasure! It was all stupid, worthless, useless crap!

It took all of his willpower not to stomp up to Ryo right then and there to confront him. Who the hell did he think he was!? How could this possibly get any worse!? He knew confronting him would be far worse than keeping his mouth shut, and pretending he heard nothing inside the wall of Niaowu Hotel... And that's what he would do. Erase this night, erase the ideals he had, erase any promises in a devil's heart.

But he wasn't going to leave Niaowu empty handed, and that meant shoving his heart as far down as it could go, deep into the crevices of his own personal hell in hopes that no one would ever find it again.

It was only a matter of time before Ryo would need him, and Ren was going to make it as clear as possible - he wanted treasure. Nothing more, nothing less.

#shenmue iii #shenmue iii spoilers #shenmue 3 #two faced #renxryo #ryo hazuki #ren wuying #fanfiction #angst #so much angst

[inazumine]

Sameness in Difference: EnKi Things

Okay, so like, hear me out for a second.

There’s one pairing in Inazuma Eleven that I think codifies the “enemy turned rival turned friend” dynamic, and was the first in the series to do so. From the start, these two have been defined by their similarities despite coming from vastly different worlds, and are equals that understand each other in a way no one else quite does, and grow to support each other on every front. That pairing, is EnKi (Endou x Kidou)

(WARNING: Another long ass post, even longer than the first one and straight trash.)

To begin an analysis of EnKi worth its salt, I feel as though we have to first understand who Kidou is, and the context through which he operates in the beginning of the series before the Teikoku v. Raimon match, then compare it to who Kidou becomes by the end of the series. Endou fundamentally changes Kidou’s world view and helps him reconcile the divide between his role as a soccer player and his feelings as a person.

Kidou begins the series as “Teikoku’s Commander” and “Kageyama’s Protégé”, our first taste of the level of soccer that Inazuma puts on full display, and a demonstration of the level of cruelty that can come out of the sport. Kidou only explicitly says it far later in season 3, but as viewers we see that his origin as a soccer player, at least through his eyes, begins with Kageyama and his teachings, and that’s something he struggles to separate himself from as the series continues. Kidou and Kageyama both see Kidou as someone who stands above others, with other weaker schools and even his Teikoku teammates on a level below him to be subjugated. Until a certain point, that worldview was never called in to question. That is, until the first game with Raimon.

God Hand shocked everyone on the field and in the audience, but it was Endou’s determination that broke expectations, and that’s what Kidou latched on to in his interest. It’s Endou’s tenacity and simple mindedness that breaks Kidou’s calculated expectations. Just the way Endou interacts with Kidou, with pure enthusiasm as an equal without formalities and without restraint, is why Kidou’s barriers start to come down and he starts calling the role of ”Kageyama’s Protégé” in to question: Rather than the Commander’s soccer, what is Kidou Yuuto’s soccer? Kidou is constantly in Kageyama’s shadow, and it’s Endou that starts to pull him out of it.

Initially, Kidou and Endou looked like completely opposite sides of the spectrum, but once Kidou starts to shed some of Kageyama’s influence, he returns to Kidou Yuuto’s values. Like Endou, Kidou loves to be challenged and he wants to play soccer giving everything he has on an equal playing field, because soccer is now again something fun, and not just something to win and dominate. And Endou knows this, he knows that despite how Kidou initially seemed, that Kidou is more than Kageyama’s copy and has his own way of doing things. Outside of Teikoku, Endou is the first person to truly trust in Kidou for what he is past “Teikoku’s Commander” and “Kageyama’s Protégé”.

After Teikoku’s defeat, Kidou seems to develop a strong amount of trust in Endou as a rival, and then as a friend. Kidou seems to continuously marvel at how Endou is able to answer to Kidou’s worldview with his simplicity, and after a while it’s something he’s able to confide in.

(Okay sidebar gonna talk about episode 17 now it’s liKE MY FAVORITE ONE IN THE WHOLE SHOW)

In episode 17, Kidou really puts on full display how much Endou affects him. I don’t know how many people have actually visited Kidou’s home, something’s telling me not many if any, and it’s telling that Kidou invites Endou on the spot without even having known him for what at that point must’ve been a few weeks maybe? He also divulges his family situation, which he says he explicitly hasn’t told anyone before. When Endou says that Kidou and he are the same, it’s a big moment because until that point Kidou had acknowledged that distance between himself and others, and had started to envy Endou and his soccer where there is no concept of it, just pure hearted feelings for the fun of the game. It brings Kidou to a point where he can start to engage with the world differently, and as he says later, begin looking for the soccer that fit him over the one Kageyama prescribed all this time. Endou continuously ignores the distance that Kidou seems to have put between himself, his soccer, and other people, and strips him of anything that isn’t explicitly Kidou Yuuto.  

Gouenji goes on to tell Kidou that he’s only ever looked at Endou from the front, which means as an enemy but also has the implied meaning of “at a distance”, and asks him to let Endou look after his back. Letting him look after his back means so much, because it means not just joining the team, but Kidou learning to let his walls down and be looked after. You can clearly see Teikoku is supportive and works together as a well-oiled unit, but at Raimon there’s an emphasis on covering for each other’s weaknesses, and it’s Kidou admitting to himself that he has weaknesses that’s a big step in learning how to play alongside others, and not just in front of them. Endou is a captain but he’s also a friend, and that’s what Kidou needs.

(LMAO Gouenji stop trying to be cool)

Fast forward a bit to season 2 where Endou and Raimon are up against a threat they can’t even conceive of. They’re getting battered and beat up left and right, teammates are starting to break down and leave, and Endou is beginning to grow weary and question himself and his decisions. Yet still, there’s one person who continues to hold fast and completely trust in him and his world view, who stays until the end and beyond and never once stops supporting Endou and his vision, and it’s not even Endou himself, it’s Kidou.

Throughout season 2, we see Kidou continue to change in this same way, where he stops distancing himself from others and grows closer to Endou and Raimon as a whole. There’s more moments of Kidou goofing off with everyone, loosening up and being dorky, and just smiling and acting like, y’know he’s 14 and not 30. Here more than ever is where Kidou and Endou truly seem like close friends and equals, when Endou starts getting down on himself and can’t really find anyone else to talk to, especially about Gouenji’s departure.

I really wish we saw more of Kidou and Teikoku interacting, especially him and Sakuma/Genda so I could have a little more to go off when trying to analyze how Kidou is with them vs how Kidou is with Raimon, but for now I can say I think it’s because it’s Endou that Kidou doesn’t have to posture or act like a commander, and this is even supported by Sakuma during the training for Death Zone 2: “You’re more yourself at Raimon.”

(He’s looking at Endou oh god WHAT A SOFT SMILE)

Speaking of Teikoku, we all remember the nightmare that was Shin Teikoku in season 2. At this point in the series, Kidou’s been removed from Kageyama and is given space to breathe, but it hasn’t even been close to long enough for the trauma to subside, which is why seeing Fudou, Sakuma, and Genda like this is such a big hit to his psyche.

Kageyama seeks control, and his obsession with Kidou leads him to hurting his friends as collateral damage, because people like Sakuma and Genda are expendable if it means getting Kidou to realize where he belongs. This is straight up emotional abuse and midst Kidou trying to fight against Kageyama’s grip, he in turn loses control of himself and is caught between trying to protect his friends from destroying their futures, win the game for Raimon’s sake, and beat Kageyama for his own sanity to reaffirm why he walked away in the first place. Alas, things don’t end cleanly, and Kidou is forced to push it all aside for the sake of beating Aliea… until season 3.

Season 3 is truly a test of Kidou’s and Endou’s mental strength, and moving forward to be better leaders for Inazuma Japan, and this is where we really see how parallel Endou and Kidou’s stories become. Endou has to deal with growing out of his his grandfather’s shadow, and Kidou has to deal with growing out of Kageyama’s shadow, seeing if Endou Daisuke’s grandson and Kageyama’s protégé live up to and can progress past their legacies.

Kidou thinks Kageyama is well and gone by this point, and even still just the thought of Fudou being a national team member sends Kidou back in to questioning if he’ll ever really be free of Kageyama and all the progress he’d thought he’d made in spite of his origins as Kageyama’s protégé. It only gets worse as we see that Kageyama is still alive and influencing the events of the FFI to get rid of Inazuma Japan and control soccer for good. Kidou plunges back right in to Kageyama’s clutches and goes forward futilely struggling against him with no direction, forgetting about how much of himself he’s become since he broke away from Kageyama all those months ago.

For Endou, if his reason was to take down Kageyama for his grandfather’s suffering, it would be understandable, but it isn’t. He knows how Kidou is struggling and what Kageyama does to him, and he wants to be there for him more than anything else. Endou moved past Kageyama’s hold over him way back in season 1, and whereas Endou is able to move on and focus on playing his soccer that lies ahead, Kidou is stuck in his past. It takes a kick in the face (metaphorically) from Fudou for Kidou to realize this, and it’s none other than Endou who’s literally next to him for Kidou to finally get the push he needs to reject Kageyama’s influence over him for good. It’s Endou’s influence that has pushed Kidou forward all this time, and he wants to keep going that way, with Endou and Inazuma Japan right next to him helping him walk his own path. Endou helps pull Kidou away from his past and focus on the present, what he can do for now over contemplating what he couldn’t do because of yesterday.

As always, I have to state that this isn’t a one-sided ship. Like I said earlier, Kidou is the first and longest-lasting rival (in terms of episodes anyway) that Endou has in the series, and Endou returns that trust and confidence in Kidou almost immediately and ten times over. Endou sees Kidou as a close friend that has stayed beside him since the beginning, and is beyond grateful for his support in leading Raimon and Inazuma Japan, especially in season 3. He may not be able to wax poetic like Kidou can, but there have been more than enough occasions where Endou has gone starry-eyed over how cool Kidou is, or explodes at the thought that Kidou is anything less than amazing.

(I’M NOT CRYING, YOU ARE)

As captains Endou and Kidou share a bond that not many in the series can lay claim to, and they understand each other in so many ways even though they have almost completely opposite personalities and upbringings. Both Endou and Kidou know the burden of being a captain, and Kidou knows exactly when Endou’s frustrated or troubled, and often for what reason (ie. Before and after the Kidokawa match, Aphrodi’s sudden visit, during like the entire second season.)

Kidou plays a support role to Endou’s captainship, being the brains behind Raimon’s success, and laying out plans of attack to supplement Endou’s motivational role. For someone like Kidou, who’s been so used to leading his entire life, I can’t imagine that wasn’t hard to get used to, but he does it wholeheartedly because he trusts Endou and is there to back him up, not usurp him. Endou in turn knows most intimately about what kind of things Kidou struggles with, and fights him whenever he starts to get self-deprecating because, in his words, Kidou is amazing. He sticks to Kidou’s side when he needs him and does his best as one of his closest friends.

For Endou, Kidou has been a friend and an amazing guy since the beginning, something that never changes, and for Kidou, Endou goes from Raimon’s idiot captain to his best friend, and his captain that he’ll follow no matter what.

That’s because he’s Endou Mamoru!

I think the best thing about EnKi is just how much Kidou adores Endou and how much he tries to be his support after he joins Raimon. I mean, Kidou legit says the sweetest things, like how “pure-hearted and straightforward” Endou is, and you can see how much he explicitly trusts Endou, not just his skills, but that because it’s Endou he’ll do everything in his power to help his friends and win with them all. There’s so many times where Endou’s capability and prowess as a goalkeeper and a captain get called in to question, especially in the second season where Endou goes through some of the toughest times in the series, and Kidou will usually be the first person to be like “nope, you’re wrong” and state his unwavering confidence in Endou. It’s almost like Endou’s modified Kidou’s internal logic: Endou’s drive and optimism have broken down Kidou’s calculated expectations so many times that as soon as you introduce Endou in to the equation, Kidou’s like “ah, of course” and knows Endou will move them toward the best case scenario.

(HE’S SMITTEN, LOOKING AT THE SUN)

ANYWAY, I think this has gotten long enough. Tl;dr, Endou and Kidou are almost two sides of the same coin even if they don’t seem like it in the very beginning. Endou and Kidou both think the other is the best thing since sliced bread, and they help and support each other through being captain’s and trying to handle more stress than I feel like middle schooler’s should ever have to. They mirror each other in a lot of ways, and through their differences make up for where the other can’t to help themselves and their teams move forward, going from enemies to best friends. 

As always, whether or not you ship them romantically or platonically or none at all, I feel like their relationship is important and I hope you guys do too! 

#Inazuma Eleven #ie11 #enki #endou mamoru #kidou yuuto #oh shit here we go #have you ever just written 2000 words and you're like #wow i've said absolutely nothing oh joy #i started this MONTHS AGO #and college got in the way and screwed up my post schedule #This should've been posted on 1/14 #*cries* #anyway I'm sorry for this and everything #ugh i hope you guys don't hate my thoughts I just had to get them out

[imkindanerdforlanguages]

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was actually right about everything about my crush and her maybe girlfriend! Full story below and some will be repeat if anyone’s actually been keeping up with this. Skip to the third to last paragraph if you only wanna hear what happened today and not all the back story. I wrote this mainly so I could look at it later and remember and it turned out wayyyy longer than expected

Ok so I’ve like this girl a long time and we’ve been friends never questioned too much of she liked girls or not so that was never really a problem. So cut to football season 2017. We’re both in marching band and that’s how we became friends that year. We ended up both being in the same English class that school year and I become good friends with some of her other friends, including her maybe gf. (Shout out to those friends they’re super great). Since I have a massive crush on her (it’s 2018 by now) I pay more attention to her and stuff and I kinda notice how she acted with maybe gf. Like paying attention to maybe gf like I payed attention to her, looking at her lips, always mentioning her, stuff like that. So I think “oh she likes her, oh well, I wish her the best.” I’m quite shy irl so I wasn’t gonna make a move or anything and I was content what it was, though hopeful that she’ll maybe like me someday. I hate if people come on too strong myself and kinda believe that feelings are just gonna be what they are, rather than things that can swung heavily (idk if that makes sense but whatever)

So summer break happens then we’re at marching band 2018 still got my crush, still hopeful but not expecting much bc I still notice things between my crush and maybe gf. I think maybe gf is straight (I know, I know I’m not for assuming people’s sexuality but it was what it was) maybe it was my feelings making me think that maybe gf would never reciprocate but anyways I mainly feel bad for my crush bc it looks she really likes this girl and I can relate lol. So homecoming comes and I really wanna slow dance with her but I miss my fucking chance bc I go to the bathroom. Oh well. She did grind on me at one point but all the girls in our group were so whatever it was nice but didn’t really mean anything. And I actually worked up the nerve to text her that she looked gorgeous at homecoming (which she did) and I’m still proud of myself for that

One day shortly after, we’re at a band competition in the warmup room chilling bc we’re waiting for the rain to stop so we can go on. We’re talking in a group and someone ends up asking her if she has a crush on maybe gf, and she quickly denies (and I think yeah right lol) but then they ask if she has a crush on me and she stutters our her denial. The way she did it made me think that maybe I had a chance (there were other things too of course like the occasional look, etc). So the next day I muster up all the courage I have and text her asking if she has a crush on me, she says no, and I confess that I like her to get it off my chest. I thank god that we still remained great friends after that. We actually haven’t brought it up since.

Then the next football game she’s asked if she’s ever kissed a girl and she says yes and I’m like ah ha! I bet they are actually dating. (Side note that I kinda came out to like have the band that night cause someone asked if I was straight and I said no). I get a text from maybe gf the next day asking for relationship advice (she had never mentioned that she was in a relationship before) or something (I can’t really remember anymore). She’s playing the pronoun game so I figure that it’s a girl she’s dating and she’s says so later and tells me she’s bi. I told her I was bi too and we bonded over that and stuff it was nice and brought us closer etc. She says she doesn’t wanna tell me who it is and I respected that but I kinda figured that it was my crush. I think oh well that sucks for me but I’m happy for them. For things like this I largely live by just flowing with life and seeing where it takes you. If I didn’t I’d probably literally explode from stress lmao

Over then next couple months she tells me various things about her relationship which went through ups and downs. She felt trapped and pressured to come out and like nobody else could ever love her (which I always denied). There was a rough patch where she overloaded me with emotional stuff (which I am not prepared to handle) but it’s not too relevant to the story other than that a lot of the things she said made me more sure that my crush was her gf bc it just sounded like how she would act (note that after this she pretty much stopped texting me about her gf so I didn’t really get anymore info)

Sidenote: I’m not too sure how healthy their relationship actually was and since I only ever got one side of it I’m still not too sure how much of what I was told was truthful vs exaggerated since maybe gf was going through a rough patch. There were things like her panicking bc her gf was talking about marriage (yikes) and coming out and stuff. But she also talked about how it was easy to not cheat bc there was no one else in our town and she would kiss other girls as like a shock factor thing at parties and be like “my gf shouldn’t get mad bc it’s not like fr” (also yikes). I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that both of them had things that weren’t the best but we’re teenagers and this was probably both of their first relationships so I’m not labeling them as bad people or anything. The biggest clue tho that my crush was her gf was that she said that her gf was the only person who knew all the terrible things about her/her life and since my crush was probably the closest to her I sorta assumed

Sidenote 2: some other things that made me sure of their relationship: my crush once got jealous of me in the group chat (she jokingly told me no to something, idk what anymore, and my crush was like what about me??? Lol), maybe gf kinda tripped and my crushes hand went to her waist in an intimate way to stabilize her, they were always each other’s lock screens, my crush would always give in to maybe gf (which sometimes I didn’t like bc I felt like she had to give into some things she shouldn’t have— not like really bad things but just kinda :/ and she’d have to apologize for playful insults even tho maybe gf said like the same level of insult), the eye contact when our teacher mentioned interracial sex lol, also the constant FaceTiming and calling that lowkey got on my nerves (nyc trip was the worst but really wasn’t that bad. It was mostly the jealousy that made it suck)

Sidenote 3: prom happened somewhere in here and we cuddled on the couch a bit but not like what your thinking, more like sat really close but it was nice. At one point she was like completely on top of me bc she was fighting with someone playfully

Anyways moving on to the end of the school year, I’m like 90% sure they’re dating, and I notice things seem tense between them. My crush would put her head down a lot and they would playfully insult each other with a bit more bite. They didn’t hang around each other as much as they used to, etc. I was just really picking up on some vibes. Eventually things seem to settle down a bit buts it’s the end of the year already and they’re graduating and stuff.

All three of us ended up doing this program at a university that lets kids work with scientists and learn about stem etc. we each work in different labs so we don’t see each other everyday but the group gets together like 1-2 times a week. During these, I notice that they just don’t seem as close, like they didn’t sit next to each other, phone lock screens aren’t each other, crush’s name in maybe gfs phone is her full name not nick name (though this could have always been that, I’m not sure), my crush no longer apologizes or cares as much if maybe gf gets a little mad (which she gets easily). Taking this with the tension before school got out into consideration, I figure that they must have broken up. Cool cool, maybe I have a chance but also she’s moving across the state for college in a month so :/

That brings us to the grand finale: today. So I have no idea really if they have broken up or if they were even together in the first place. But then maybe gf mentions that she is now dating this guy (which I approve of, he’s super sweet). I kinda suspected bc a picture of him was her lock screen, they had been hanging out a lot, initials in insta bios (which Ik should be a dead give away but she once said that she hates how people assumed that her and this other guy were together when she was dating her gf do I didn’t wanna assume anything) and I was like ah ha! At lest Ik that they aren’t dating now if they ever did in the first place. She invites me to come hang out with her, her bf and another couple that I’m good friends with tomorrow. So after I get home, partly bc I don’t wanna be the only single person there, partly bc I wanna see if I can weasel out the truth, and partly bc I may have day dreamed about us being all coupley too and maybe a kiss (oh how I wish). I text her and ask if my crush can come too so I’m not the only single person there. She texts back saying that it would be a good idea. So I figure it’s now or never so I ask if it’s bc they dated. She originally says no but then says admits that yes they dated but she broke up with her and they are still friends.

She basically says that she broke up with her bc she’s not ready to be out bc she doesn’t wanna lose some of her friends, wants to be normal, etc. she’s always been insecure, so it’s not too surprising for me. I sincerely hope that one day she reaches a place where she can be herself and not worry. I also feel bad for my crush bc I have a feeling that she’s probably still pretty hurt over it and I wish her the best too. I’m not gonna try to like make a move or anything bc a. I have no idea how long it’s been since the breakup and how she feels about it b. I’ve already expressed feelings so I don’t wanna be that person who keeps pusing after they’re rejected c. She’s moving like 6 hours away in a month

All in all I’m super surprised that I actually picked up on the fact that they were dating and had broken up bc I’m am not very emotionally intelligent at all. Honestly I doubt I would have picked up on much if I was paying such close attention bc of my crush. I spent like an hour+ writing this I can’t believe I actually had so much to say and it makes my life seem much more dramatic that it is. Thank you if you actually read all this or have kept up with my woes in the slightest bye

#i was gonna stufy chinese but i wrote this novel instead #me

[eggcheeseham]

Mask of Evil and Shadows

[edit 11/2: didn’t realise that shido is actually a last name lmao i fucked up so bad until someone pointed it out. its fixed now]

(i hate the title i know)

ShuAke Confidant Week Day 3: Neglect | Rejection | Death

tw for implied sexual assault

read on ao3 heh

...

If there is one good thing about being a four year old boy that plays with his action figures all day, it's that no one can notice the sudden change of behaviour from one second to the next. No one, not even your own father knows that while you gaze at him with large, innocent eyes, that you have plans to exterminate him.

Goro has been fantasizing of the many ways to kill him, every night it seems.

No matter what, he could never figure out how many rooms there were in the mansion.

The hill behind the mansion is like a large forest, and in the garden there is a large pond filled with carp. The forest is wild and unattended, akin to a stone wall that separates the estate from the outside world. Usually carp live to a ripe age, but for some reason on the estate they never last long.

Apart from the young servant girls, there is the head maid, Hikara, a middle aged woman who's eyebrows were eternally furrowed. At first Goro thought that she is his mother, but she tells him that his real mother had died years ago. He doesn't know her name or how she looks like; Hikara never answers his questions regarding his mother.   He has a friend, a boy his age. Akira Kurusu, a cheeky and playful classmate that he met in the local elementary school they attend. Normally he would expect to be enrolled in a private school like other wealthy kids, but his father would have none of that. You need to interact with people from all forms of society, he explains to him (most of his schooling is covered by three tutors. There’s only one tutor that he remotely cares about, the one that would occasionally give him candy as a reward for answering difficult questions). But as a boy that lives in an obscenely large house that's no good at anything but studying, he could not fit in with his classmates. While he does make an effort to hide his depression with a tilt of his head accompanying a coy smile, he finds himself unable to make friends. No one except Akira pays him any attention. The fool waves his stubby hands at his direction and pats the empty seat next to him during recess one day, and that's how they click off.  The boy might have felt sorry for him at first and probably initiated a friendship out of pity, but he finds himself unable to care. There's one person that's willing to play with him and that's all that matters. Goro invites him to his estate from time to time. Akira's parents don't mind (they don't really care). He brings his pathetic collection of Featherman action figures--he only has the red and green one and they were both bought from the dollar store--to play with him. Goro would bring out his more expensive action figures and he would share them with his friend, making up all sorts of scenarios and wave around their toys while making their own customised sound effects. When they get bored of playing, they would swipe snacks from the kitchen and eat them in his room. Raised to clean up after himself, Akira would clean up the crumbs of their snacks with the small broom and dustpan Goro kept in his room. I'm not a slob, he would say whenever Goro tells Akira to leave the cleaning to him. The estate driver would drive him home when night fell, and Akira would wave at him through the tinted window of the car, even well after it drives out of the gate.

The room to which Goro is called to is large, with a huge flat screen television, a long table and a deep red carpet. Here is where his father dines alone, insisting that his son eat his meals with the servants. There is no answer to his knock, so he opens the door as quietly as he can. Shido is seated on one of the six dining chairs, his face blank and his current mood unreadable. This time too he smells of alcohol, and it occurs to Goro that he usually doesn't drink that much. "Now, I'm going to tell you something important, so you better listen up. "About your education. Not that I hold any high hopes of you. Tell me, have you heard of the nursery rhyme of Mary had a Little Lamb?" Which child hasn't. In school, the teachers would gather everyone to the centre of the classroom and sing the lyrics out of tune along with the children who also sang equally shrill and out of tune while holding hands (Akira would hold his hand since no one else dared to hold his, and he'd sing while swinging their linked arms left and right).

Mary had a little lamb Little lamb, little lamb And everywhere that Mary went The lamb was sure to go

"Don't you find it interesting that no matter how strong an individual thinks they are, in the end they all fall to mob mentality during times of crisis?" The news is showing a report on a school shooting in a remote area in Japan that he knew nothing about. The news anchor is reading out the number of deaths. "You should remember this. People are sheep. They are fragile during stressful events, so if one person has even a semblance of leadership, they'll listen. Even when they aren't thrust into a dangerous situation, they are lost without guidance. A society cannot function without some form of authority or other controlling systems. This is why anarchies don't last long." He is not wrong. There is one time where he and a group of students got separated during a field trip. Being the only one in the group that dared to ask for help from the strangers in the area, the others followed him around like lost puppies and held onto his every word, despite being the same children that threw erasers at him during class. "Just like sheep, they are easy to manipulate. Hold something in front of them and they'll follow. Knowing how to read people and using the right words helped me climb up the political ladder. Even if it means trampling over others and tarnishing their lives in the process. If I were considerate I wouldn't end up where I am today. It's a dog eat dog world out there, so don't expect to go far when you're concerned about hurting other people's feelings." He is still gazing at the screen with his back facing the boy. "With our current leaders, Japan's social state is in a sorry state. It is utterly weak and corrupt on the world stage, and I will not allow this to continue. However, I have come to light with cognitive psience and the possible existence of an alternate reality.  This is a sign that I have been chosen by God to cleanse this rotten country. With my hand on the steering wheel I shall lead this country to greatness, and I'll crush anyone that stands in my way, even if it's you." He turns to Goro and gestures slightly with his fingers. He doesn't understand what he means, and the man points at his stickers. "Put those in the ashtray. Don't bring things like that into my room." Goro's legs is shaky and his heart is racing. He gingerly steps forward and places the bundle into the ashtray as instructed, and his father places his half-smoked cigarette on top of it. He doesn't snub it out, just rests it there, still smoldering. The surface of the paper scorches and catches fire. While it burns, he wonders whether he burned them because he thinks they are of value to the boy, or because the cheap sparkly material offends him. Despite what he thinks, those stickers were never important to him anyway, even if they were a gift from Akira. He just carries it around to look childish. Besides, he could always ask for another pack of stickers from him and he wouldn't mind in the slightest. "You're probably wondering why I'm telling you all this. One is that I'm exceedingly drunk. Two, you won't remember that this conversation ever took place. It'll all be hazy and mismatched, just like a dream. Now get out my sight." Obediently Goro left the room. His father is wrong, oh so terribly wrong. He has no control over his life as much as he thinks he does, and straight after that he thought of Akira.

His earliest memory is of his father. He is running across the hallways with one of the servant girls chasing him. The entire time he feels like he is walking on air, despite being on the verge of toppling over.  Perhaps it's because he doesn't have full control of his legs as he'd just learnt to walk, or his line of sight got higher. He runs and runs and runs, away from the giggling girl who raises her arms out, ready to grab him the moment he slows down. He runs and runs until he runs into something akin to a stone pillar. Looking up, he sees the disgruntled face of his father. Without the slightest change of expression on his stony face, he sweeps the two year old Goro aside with his foot, as if it were a nuisance to even kick him.

After finishing elementary school, he and Akira enroll in the local middle school. Once again they are in the same class; he wonders if his father is behind this. By the time the school year starts, Akira is only slightly taller than he is. Akira is still studious and scores better than average, but never being able to beat Goro who ranks first in every single test and examination. He no longer stands out as much as he had when he was younger, becoming more reserved and only speaking whenever necessary. That didn't mean that he stopped making friends, having a sizeable number of acquaintances and good friends to talk to and share notes with. As always, schoolwork was the only good thing Goro was good at, so he wraps himself in jokes and frivolity. He learns to laugh at his peer's jokes and muck around with the kids sitting near him during classes, and the teacher had to tell him off on many an occasion. Goro doesn't remember the exact moment when he fell for him (perhaps it might have been when Akira got himself a pair of fake glasses to appear more unassuming). Every day his thoughts were filled with Akira, and their future. Marrying him, finding a job, he doesn't care what. If he wants to work he could, and if he wants to stay and home it was all right too. If they ever adopted children, he would want to give them what had been missing in his life. He would work hard and buy a nice house, preferably one with a seaside view. They'd go for walks on the beach, hand in hand as the children run ahead of them, kicking up sand and leaving footprints behind them, only for it to be lapped up by the waves before receding towards the sea. When they quarrel he would be the first to apologize, even if Akira were in the wrong he'd keep his mouth shut. Maybe he'd be the one to apologize. For him to marry Akira, however, he has to be good enough for him. He starts to take great pains in maintaining his neat appearance and coming up with stories to make him laugh. The darkness that brew in him that he stows away deep in his heart, which remains hidden by his depression, burst forth directly, obsessively, towards Akira.

Almost every night, he fantasizes about sleeping with him. If they were able to do it for real, he’d probably die of happiness right on the spot. To be able to see his body, to touch him all over, entering him. It would be a miracle, and it never occurred to him how adults obsess over sex until now.

Akira joins the volleyball club, so they leave school at different times, but he visits his estate more frequently than he did during elementary school.  His entire happiness is right in front of him, yet he still couldn’t touch it. While it is trying, it is enough for a middle school boy like him. His thoughts are solely on Akira, to the almost exclusion of everything else.

“It must be nice being rich.” Akira says as they walk down the school hallway. It was one of those days that their timetables clashed, so they accompany each other on the walk to Goro’s home. Sometimes he forgets that Akira doesn’t live with him.

“No it’s not.”

“It must be. You can afford to buy anything you want. You have the entire Featherman collection while I only have knockoffs from the dollar store.”

He laughs, flashing a hint of white teeth. His laugh was akin to the tinkle of bells.

“Even so, it’s not like I earned it. It’s not impressive, not at all.”

It’s really not, when all the money is earned through shady and dishonest means, through the shattered hopes and dreams of others.

The raven looks pensive. He had to continue talking so he wouldn’t think he is being perverse.

“If I can really do something with myself and contribute to society, then that’s what I call impressive.”

“You’re so righteous, it makes me gag.” Akira says, though his sentence holds no vile intent.

On a Friday afternoon, Akira corners him after math class.

“You’re always staring at Ms Kazue. You like her, don’t you?”

Ms Kazue is their homeroom teacher. She always wears tight fitting clothes, so all (even that is debatable) the boys like her. Some of them even call her degrading names behind her back.

“No, I don’t stare. And I don’t like her. Why do you ask?”

“Kaori is upset. She thinks she can’t compete with Ms Kazue, and I heard her throw a fit in the bathroom.”

Akira looks at him with his usual blank stare.

“What are you on about?”

“I’m saying that she might have a crush on you. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Maybe you should consider going out with her…?” He shrugs his shoulders.

Kaori is one of the quieter girls at their school who’s always writing. Once she drops her pencil case while it was still open, and Goro helps her pick up her stationary.

“No, I won’t.” He says firmly.

“Why? Do you like someone else?”

Akira continues to stare at him with unblinking eyes. His face, bathed in orange sunlight, is lovely. Yet he finds himself unable to face him properly.

“Because  I-uhh… no…”

Goro is in a turmoil. He remembers the TV dramas the girls in school usually watch, where couples break up over misunderstandings that could’ve been resolved if it weren’t for ineffective communication. He hates those.

“I can’t go out with her because I like you.”

God, he’s so awkward. Akira is taken aback, including Goro as well for his straightforwardness, but he can’t take back his words.

“You don’t have to go out with me or anything. We can always wait till we’re older. So until then I hope that we can continue exactly the way we are.”

“Continue exactly the way we are? That’s impossible, you’re so brave.”

Akira sighs admirably. He says that if he truly likes him, he should kiss him. Goro is hesitant at first, but he can’t say no. This is what he wants after all.

They walk to a bench at the back of the school. After patiently waiting for a pair of students writing notes to leave, they kiss a little. It’s awkward, just like how first kisses usually are. Goro’s inexperienced hands rests at the small of his back, while Akira digs his fingers in his hair. Goro walks him out to the school gates before entering the car.

From a distance, it looks like a happy scene. And many years after, he looks back to the memory and thinks that maybe they were truly happy back then.

Many events transpire after that, far far away from them. A terrorist attack on a corporate bank in Shinjuku, and the employees of a fast food chain went on strike. But it didn’t matter to the two teenagers who pass the time in their own little world.

Many a night, Akira would stay over (as usual his parents couldn't care less, just as long as he returns in one piece). They turn on some music so the servants wouldn’t wonder why they are so quiet, and then they kiss. They spend hours in each other’s arms, tongues locking together in battles for dominance, touching each other while fully clothed. Goro thinks they are too young to be doing such things, but to hell what other people think.

Before long they manage to find the courage to undress. Naked under the bedsheets, they explore and map out each other’s bodies with their hands and tongues, full of curiosity and desire. They never go all the way since the reality of sex is overwhelming, but it’s enough for them. Smothering their cries with pillows, they come in each other’s hands. Akira would say that he feels good while gazing at him with glassy eyes and flushed cheeks. It drives Goro over the edge.

Akira tells him that they should have sex the following year. But to Goro, it didn’t matter whether or not they actually do it. With him by his side, he is happy enough.

Their nightly escapades comes to an abrupt halt. Akira stops accepting his invitations, always coming up with an excuse not to go. They are believable at first; after all he needs his space. However the excuse after next becomes even more bizarre and outlandish. When he runs out of excuses to use, he resorts to avoiding him.

Goro manages to corner him after his volleyball training session, demanding answers. Perhaps he may have come across as too harsh, because Akira starts to tremble. Dumbfounded, he has no idea what to do. Goro backs away a few steps and apologises over and over before hurriedly leaving the locker room, wondering what he has done wrong to scare Akira that badly. When he finally gets into his bed, he lays reviewing the past few nights for any faults in his behaviour, growing frustrated when he is unable to uncover anything unusual. The last night they had together had been the same as always, with Akira embracing him saying that he never wants to let him go, so why the sudden change? Whatever the reason, he has to know.

After an hour of tossing and turning in bed, he concludes that he can’t get any rest. So he takes a stroll around the mansion. The night is tranquil, with crickets chirping and leaves rustling in the wind. He wishes that Akira were here, holding his hand appreciating each other’s presence. He walks through the hall and back, careful not to wake the servants. For some reason he pauses outside his father’s room. He hears sounds coming from inside. Heart pounding, he quietly opens the door.

He wants to scream, but no sound came from his throat. The yellow light from the desk lamp shines on Akira’s stark naked body, while his revolting father sits on the bed, fully clothed. He beckons him to come closer and he does so, face averted. He grabs a bottle of whiskey and orders the boy to look at him, and he does so with a shudder.

Goro couldn’t move. He stands there, gaping at the horrific scene with his mouth open. He feels lightheaded and his knees go weak. But he has to overcome this terror and kill his father. He doesn’t know how, but he has to. With a sudden surge of hatred, he opens the door. Or he thinks he did. In reality, he continues to stand at the exact same spot, unable to tear his eyes away from the scenario unfolding in front of him, unable to do anything to stop it.

His father tells Akira that it is only for tonight, and he starts getting dressed. Goro comes to his senses and flees. He intends to run back to the safety of his room, but he manages to pluck his courage and wait for Akira instead. When they are away from earshot of his father, he approaches the raven.

“I saw.”

Akira stays still, not bothering to turn around and face him.

“What’s going on? Please tell me.”

It’s as if he were talking to himself.

“Father… he…”

Akira begins to weep. “I… don’t know, I don’t know…”

Goro leads him to his room where he wraps Akira with his blanket. His body looks tiny.

“He calls you into his room and makes you strip?”

“Mm.”

“What else?”

“I don’t know…” Akira starts sobbing violently. “I was doing my homework at home, when… when a few men dressed in black came to escort me here.” He takes a few deep breaths. “I thought… I thought you called for me, and I sensed it might be something important, s-so I followed them. I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t…”

Goro found himself having difficulty breathing.

“For now it’s just taking my clothes off. Who knows what he’ll do next. God, the way he looks at me… it's so ugly. I want to rip his face off.”

Akira curls himself into a ball and continues to cry. “I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell my parents, they don’t care. He said… he said…”

“Said what?”

“He said that he’ll show you hell on your fourteen birthday. And I will play an important part.”

His fourteenth birthday. Five months from now.

His father is planning to do something, and dreadfully they both know what. He is old, and he might hire someone. Maybe even a whole bunch of people, and he’s going to make his son watch it.

No, he absolutely cannot let it happen.

Goro looks at Akira directly at his eyes. “I won’t let that happen. Even if it means that I have to kill him.”

To murder someone is painfully easy. But the real challenge is: how to do it without getting caught?

As a child, Goro has always contemplated about murdering his father--he has fantasies about it for ages--but those thoughts are childish at best. Even though he is still thirteen, he has to come up with a detailed, viable plan.

His father has connections with the authorities; the police are wrapped around his fingers and the crimes he commits are hushed and never disclosed publicly. If he approaches them and tells them that his father is going to show him hell, they would take him into custody as a mentally disturbed minor. He could take a video of his scandalous act as evidence, and in the best case scenario Akira would be taken into custody. Perhaps he could be out of his father’s reach, and he might give up. Perhaps, but the likelihood of his plan succeeding was slim. It isn’t out of the realm of possibility that he might pull off an ingenious plan to get Akira (basically abduct him). For him it isn’t just to drag his son to hell, since he has already started to develop an obsession over Akira himself. His allowance is meager, far smaller than one might expect from a family like his. If they run, his father can easily track down two penniless teenagers.

As long as he is alive, they are both never out of danger, not unless he disappears off the face of the Earth.

Another plan is to poison him. It is hard to get ahold of poisons, but among the mushrooms that grew on the hills near the estate is a deadly variety called the East Asian death cap (he’s done his research). It will be tricky getting him to eat them since his father hates mushrooms. Even if he somehow adds them in his drink to make it look like suicide, there is no guarantee that the dose is lethal. If he receives immediate treatment, he will most likely survive. Even if he manages to succumb to food poisoning, his cause of death via poisoning would be reported, and the police would narrow down the suspects to the people in the household.

There is a hunting rifle in his room. Shooting him is quick and efficient, but he knows that he would be caught right away. He thinks of framing it as suicide by shooting him at an odd angle, making it seem like he shot himself on purpose, or maybe he can claim that he himself shot his father on accident while he was teaching him how to use the rifle. Nobody else except Akira knew of his murderous intent, so nobody would suspect him. Even if they did find him suspicious, he is only thirteen, they would just send him to a juvenile centre. In the eyes of the law a minor cannot commit a crime, and the very fact gives him courage. If he is unable find another suitable method, he’ll settle for the rifle.  

Perhaps instead of killing him, he will leave him to die. Lock him up in the basement to starve to death and throw in the death caps for good measure. It’s the safest plan, but there were no basements in the estate that he knows of that are abandoned and unattended. How is he supposed to lure him to the basement when he has no business there in the first place? He could shove him in and quickly lock the door… no, that wouldn’t work.

All hope seems lost to the thirteen year old until the app appeared.

Goro is a quick learner. In the span of a month, he learns about the cognitive world, personas and the strange long nosed man that sits behind his desk with a wide grin.

He finally has a way to eliminate his father from his life. Their lives.

Is it always wrong to kill someone? Is it a crime to kill the person that causes you harm and the people closest to you? Weren’t they forced to break the rules to free themselves from the madman that he calls father? Society will say no. He is not the law; he has no say in how his father will be judged. Non-personeel cannot take the law into their own hands hands, much less a thirteen year old. His father should go through the system like every other criminal does, perhaps he will be reformed and change for the better. Maybe Goro himself is the evil one. This is what society will say.

To hell with society.

The most valuable thing in his life is not virtue or society, but Akira. He doesn’t care if it’s wrong to protect the one he loves more than the entire world. He’d scorch the earth, leaving trails of fire and destruction behind him if it meant keeping Akira safe.

The strange man chuckles, drumming his fingers on the mahogany desk.

“Fallen for him, haven’t you? That boy…”

His father’s voice is slurred. The room reeks of alcohol, to the point where Goro would gag.

“That’s not why I’m here. I just wish for a raise in my allowance.”

The old man scoffs. “Obviously you have, how trife. That doesn’t really matter. In two weeks time we’re going to my villa in Shizuoka to celebrate your fourteenth birthday. You, me and your dear friend of yours. His parents were more than happy to grant him permission to join us. Aren’t you excited?”

Without waiting for an answer, he gestures for him to leave. His head is in a whirl. For now, Akira is safe for two weeks. But time is running out. He has to continue infiltrating his palace, continue breaking down the security systems to reach his father’s shadow in the main assembly hall. The sooner he can get it over with the better.

Ever since, Goro begins visiting Akira at his house instead. His parents don’t really mind. That evening, Goro waits patiently for him to come home from volleyball practice. As soon as he sees him he begins to tear up. He asks for a kiss and the raven gives him one.  

Standing in front of the oversized podium, he feels his insides churning violently. He is conscious of the weapon he carries in his hands, and the knowledge that if he fails here there would be no future for him or Akira. If he hesitates for a second, it might cost him his life. He will die here, but what will happen to Akira? Would his father continue on with his plans either way, knowing (or not knowing) that his son is dead? The thought almost makes him vomit.

His not-father glares at him from the podium, his expression blank. “So this is how it is.” He says softly.

A sharp pang of pain stabs his heart.

“How did a lowlife like you obtain such power…? Not that it matters. If you have a complaint, I’m willing to listen.”

He grins, parodying a caring politician.

“You really are my son. You’ve got what it takes to be a monster, because you can think of something like this. You aren’t a passive sheep like the populace. You’re willing to kill your own father.”

The boy is still unable to move. Loki whispers something in his ears, but he can’t make out what.

“Do you really think that everything will be okay after you’re done with me? That all this will lead to a ‘happily ever after’? I said I was going to show you hell, but this is the same anyway. Because you’re going to murder me, another human being.”

“No, you’re wrong.” Goro wonders when he got back his voice. “It’s not murder, I’m just…”

His not-father ignores him as though he is not worth listening to, and continues talking.

“Killing a person is crossing a critical line in this world. All creatures are hardwired not to kill each other; their instincts prevent them from doing so. Cannibalism only occurs extremely rarely under extreme, unusual circumstances. This has been the case since time immemorial. Killing someone by overcoming this instinct is defying the very code embedded in your DNA, of course the person who commits murder will start to fall apart. On an intellectual level, the guilt over killing another human is due to the stress of hiding the secret from the world, but as living creatures it’s simply the outward manifestation of the perversion of killing your own.

“You think that the weight of your actions will fade as time passes, but you’re so terribly mistaken. The guilt will always be there, and will be for the rest of your life. After spilling your first blood, you will never accept any warmth or beauty with a pure heart. Whenever something good happens, you’ll be confronted with the fact that you are a killer. When you feel joy in your life, you will also feel pain from knowing that you stole someone else’s. Especially a weak willed one such as yourself will not be able to take it. Whenever you feel happy, I’ll appear in your dreams as a reminder that you do not deserve such happiness. The image of me bleeding to death as you stab me in the chest with your weapon will always be there, at the back of your mind, coming forth to the surface to torment you. You’ll become warped, just like me.”

Somehow Goro feels that he is four years old again in his father’s study, holding a bundle of cheap stickers in his hand.

“But if I don’t, Akira…”

The shadow places both hands on the stand.

“That’s right. I will defile him in front of you. If you do not kill me I will absolutely do it. Even if you run to the police, nothing will change. You can’t stop me; I can’t even stop myself. I yearn for the sight of the boy being completely corrupted, while you watch in unrivaled horror.”

His blood runs cold, and he feels bile rising up his throat. He shakes his head.

“I’m not killing you,” he shouts, but his voice feels like a whisper. “I’m just protecting myself and Akira.”

His not-father dismisses him with a wave of his left hand. “I will allow you to choose between life or death one last time. Give in to my social reform and I’ll leave you and your boyfriend alone. I’ll even give you a sizable amount of my wealth for the two of you to live comfortably for the rest of your lives.”

“At the cost of Akira’s dignity? Go to hell!” Goro screams, and he feels Loki quivering with delight.

For a moment, none of them said a word. His not-father shakes his head slowly, clicking his tongue in disapproval. “It seems that you leave me with no choice but to eliminate you. A small leak will sink a great ship. Many great nations of the past has fallen to such lenience.” He grips his right fist tightly. “I will not make such incautious mistakes!”

The thunderous roar of clapping fills his ears, and the world shakes.

“What happened to you?”

“What?”

“You’re as pale as a sheet.”

He hadn’t realised how erratic his pulse is or how hard he is breathing. Akira grips his shoulders firmly but gently.

“And you’re sweating buckets. What’s wrong?”

Wrong? There is nothing wrong, not anymore. His father's shadow is dead, killed by his very blade and his palace reduced to nothing but shambles before being wiped out of existence. He will drop dead anytime soon.

“There's nothing to worry about. I got carried away, that's all.”

Akira raises an eyebrow. It takes time for him to process what he just said, and his eyes widen a little. “Goro, did you…”

“No.” His arms are still numb.

“But…”

“We’ve sorted things out. I talked to him, it looks like he bought himself a prostitute. He’s not going to bother you anymore.”

Goro is determined to not let him know the truth. Whether Akira believes him or not, he doesn’t say. He moves closer to him and asks for a kiss. He obliges. Under the warm light of Akira’s bedside lamp, he holds the raven close, sinking his fingers into his curls. He doesn’t remember when he pushes Akira down on the bed, or when they get undressed. His body is seized by a fierce desire, having eyes for no one but Akira.

Their first time is awkward, just like how first times should be. Akira tenses for a moment before opening his legs. He is tight and it’s sore for the both of them. Goro comes too quickly in the unfamiliar warmth, but then he enters him a second time. As they continue to make love, it gets slightly better for them. Akira wraps his legs awkwardly around Goro’s waist, kissing him over and over, telling him between pants and gasps that he’s glad that his father wouldn’t be bothering them anymore. He’s glad that he’s dead and gone and won’t ever come between them and how he stabs him again and again and ag ain and again and sta bs  stabs stabs stabs sTABS till there’s blood everywhere and blood and blood and blood and bl ood blood bloo d blood everywhereeeeeeeeee         and its on his clothes and its dirty and disgusting and he’s  dead dead d ead and dead an d he had it comin g he had it coming he had it coming he had it comingggGgg  ehehehe heehh heh   he had it coming he had it comin  g he had i t coming he    had it coming h

e had it coming he had it coming he had it c oming he had  it c oming he had it coming he had

#shuakeconfidantweek #persona 5 #shuake #akeshu #goro akechi #akira kusuru #sloth's fics #please accept my first contribution to this fandom

[sanrosa]

10:43pm

A month ago, exactly a month ago, I would not have imagined being in the position I am right now. Because a month ago, I still had uni assignments that were still due, I was still living with my one sister and mom, I had just applied for a learnership which I had hoped and prayed so much for - feeling optimistic because of the responses I gave for the interview, I still had a learner's licence that was about to expire and I was blatantly waiting for it to expire because there was no hope whatsoever anymore that I would get a test before it expires (my punctuality cost me a great amount), I still did not know how I'd really execute my vision of getting into the scenes and finally officially put myself out there as a rapper/artist, I still did not know either how I'd take advantage of the platforms I had initiated but did not carry on with (my blogs, youtube channels, twitter accounts, instagram, etc.) and I still had no full set idea of what I was going to do this year, like exactly what I'm working towards by the end of this unexpected gap year. This was all me, a month ago.

A month later... so much has changed, I'm quite amazed. So... I never quite really finished the assignments on time, and well, in summary: I failed. The hour I spent after reading that email, that hour- in pure shock, is one I will never quite forget. How I had emotions too many, yet none. A state of confusion, shock, heartbreak, deep sadness, then numbness, then acceptance, then happiness, then relief and joy. All in a matter of minutes. At the same time, I was trying not to feel either. I convinced myself that it is not that deep, I am strong and I will get through this. Because in a way, I had also expected it, the way things were going. I could not have expected that I pass with flying colours when the effort I was putting was minimal to none. Literally doing things last minute. So, while I was surprised at failing for the first time in my life academically, I honestly did not have anything or anyone else to blame but myself. The responsibility was completely my own and it is in my doing and way of handling my time that I succumbed to this position (of failure). So, yes, I do know that I am at fault. But fr, it just could not erase the fact that I was in shock hey. But I did move on from that rather quickly. And what I took from that moment were two things... A big lesson, and a big advice. The biggest lesson was (and will continue to be, until I truly learn and master it) - How to take control of my time and manage it efficiently! There will not a lesson as big as this one right here for me. Because it has become my biggest weakness and starting to become my most wounding one, unless I start acting right and learn it. I've been losing too much and too many precious things (opportunities, assets, beautiful moments) to my lack of time management skills. And it hurts! So I have no choice anymore other than to fully commit myself to respecting, cherishing and managing my time the way I'm supposed to, to get to exactly where I want to be. And well, I guess I'd say the advice is actually also in this lesson; Practice, practice, practice! Master the art of doing something when I need to and am able to. There's no better time than now. Anyways, next. Well, just a month ago I thought I'd be living with my sister for the year. But, my aunt and cousin came to visit for a weekend, and my cousin did not have a place to stay yet for his school year (res) so we found out he'll be staying with us. For a month. Jiki-jiki, a month later.. Both my sister and my cousin have left. Gone to their residences and off living their lives. As if I expected that?? I should've, right? No. Because my sister never actually said anything about leaving, and I genuinely thought my cousin was actually going to stay like a bit longer because who starts staying in a place in like the middle of the month, you know? So here I am now, lonely and sad they're both gone and I'm just left with my mother, who besides being a really cool and sweet human, likes to naaagg! about almost anything around the house. from the table not being wiped properly, to the windows, to the curtains, to the food and the way it was cooked, to the. Which, I'm not gonna lie, I understand as she is a black parent. I dislike it (extremely), but I do understand. I mean in any case, she probably has a lot of stress already so this is like her way of taking it out I guess (and lmao that is actually exactly what goes through my mind when she nags. I bounce her energy off, and not let it interfere with my energy, by keeping in mind that she's just trying to air out her 'boiling' thoughts, so i should not let it get to my emotions so that I have a bad vibe because the vibe that's been created. and it works like a charm). At the same time though, I'm not trying to paint a picture of her as an extremely 'complaintive' person lol, it's just i think that i'm not used to this energy anymore. I left the nest last year. Now that I've come back, I'm not sure how the hell I was able to handle such energy... cause it is lame as hell. But anyways, my point actually was how sad I am that my sis and cousin left. So abruptly even. Man. At least my cousin (who actually just left this morning) did leave me with something valuable. A truly valuable gift. He taught me how to make a beat. Just a day ago I didn't know practically anything about making beats. Not even the names of the types of instruments (snares, kicks, hi-hats, melodies). But now, I feel like I've unlocked a whole new world of understanding music. Cause now it feels like I even know exactly what went into the beats that these famous artists (Drake, Kanye, Nicki, PND, Cardi) use for the songs. Of course not exactly what they used, but more or less how they made it. And it looks easier now. My journey on being a rapper now looks more lit up cause bitch I'll even be producing my own hits now. Ah! Lol but okay, honestly, that was fire. And I'm truly and eternally grateful he helped with that. I hope he has a blessed year. Alright... next. (sigh) The learnership. Actually this one kinda still hurts deeply so I won't get too in detail about it, but... I did not get the learnership. Though I genuinely felt like I fit the criteria perfectly when I applied, as well as living very near to the workplace. Heaven only knows why I would be given such an opportunity and have the strength to actually take it, yet the outcome is a complete flop. Like I am honestly trying to understand why I even saw the ad in the first place... At such perfect timing (cause I was not going to be taking a gap year this year anyways)... All to just give me unnecessary hope? Why?? Why break my heart like that??? But ok yeah ... Life and shit. Anyways, the learner's licence. Haha, this one is quite interesting actually. Because to be truly honest, I had almost forgotten that I had a learner's licence. And I think it's because in my mind I had obtained the learner's, took driving lessons and had already planned to take the driver's test in PE, however I was in Gtown for most of last year, so it seemed like something that could not happen until I fully got back to PE, which was December. December came and went with all the fun I had and it completely slipped my mind that I could take lessons and a driver's test during the time. Came beginning of January, I'm preparing for school. Still no 'go book a test' in mind, until the middle/end of January (when it became final that I was not going to school this year) and I thought 'oh damn, this would be the perfect time to actually take lessons and book a test then'. Only to find out I am too darn late; the DLTC is all booked out. Oh, how I regretted wasting my time on idk what. 🙂💔 Fortunately, I was not too bummed out, considering I have another whole year to redo this then. Unfortunately, I stumbled upon a post by one of my favourite artists right now, Saweetie, and found out that she is doing a giveaway (brave of me to enter that world again, I know. I don't know what's my problem really) and well, I decided to enter it. Thing is though, it's a giveaway for a whole Tesla. Yes bitch, a whole entire mthrfking TESLA. And my ass is smart enough to think I would win it lol. Okay, God bless my heart. Anyways, so the catch is.... You need a driver's licence. OBVI! But I don't have one. YET! So, uhm, *cough cough* let me f**king book for learner's as soon as the day it expires!... Okay, done! Now let's go take the test 6 days later!... Okay, done! We passed... Done! Wooh. Now let's book for a driver's test as soon as you get home from writing the test cause we excited asf!... LMAO done! Now let's make sure it's a good date and good time astrologically too (cause that lowkey was the case with you writing the learner's test and boom you passed, even tho you didn't even check).... Done! Okay, we almost there, now go book for lessons at One Way (I'm sure they'll have spots for you cause it's a whole month and 3 days before you take your test lmao).... Done! Yay! I have a whole month to practice. Let's get it! Okay well, that's where I stand so far. Tuesday I'm then going to pay the booking fee and stuff. Then, take lessons from both the driving school and with my mother. Then take the test on Weed Day lmao. So after the test I smoke one up and celebrate victory. 😄 All in due time for the giveaway closing after two days. Wows. Whether I win the giveaway or not though, I'll just be glad that it seriously inspired me this much to finally get a driver's licence. Like, it genuinely pushed me hey. So boom I was able to get a licence this year 😁 Urrrniways... Next. My vision. Oh my dear vision. To be a well known female rapper. Beeeen hiding behind the scenes, you'd never know what I'm up to, whether I'm working, I'm playing, I'm being boring, I'm having a blast... or even having a child, chile (lmao). But one thing's for sure, I am still alive. Okay. And I'm just about to be more alive, and you'll even feel more alive... when my ass starts dropping things. Yasss honeyy, dropping my name, dropping that ass, dropping these beats, dropping this sass. Oh shit, here's the real her. Yes, hi. I been working, and I been playing, now let's get to showinnngg.😁 Lol, okay but on the real. A month ago, I really did not know how to execute my vision. In some parts I still don't really, like the cover for my debut EP (photography-wise), who to really contact for first edition EP-listening, and how much it would completely cost to distribute this whole idea/vision (which I'm actually going to have to start becoming my own professional accountant). But in some parts I now do, including important parts like GETTING THE MIC (😪😁 finally! and guess when it came? March 16th. always a special day for me this one), knowing how to produce my own beats here and there (finally 😁), and how exactly to market to a large number of people (😆more views and stuff), then perhaps less important stuff like the outfit I will wear for my very first performance lmao, and posting my stuff on instagram and tiktok (unexpectedly actually), and actually understanding and lowkey connecting with underrated rappers/singers. It's a pretty dope world to see tbh. Overrall... Babbyy, I see you the see the vision now. It's an exciting time to be in. (Side-note: Lmao I highkey lowkey think the moon being in Gemini just impacted me now. cause suddenly I'm on some other mood within writing this post. lmao shit changed quite drastically than when I began writing). Anyways, next. Last but not least... Taking advantage of these platforms, in conjunction with what exactly I will be doing this year. So, a month ago, I had almost forgotten about my astrology blog. Well, let me actually put it this way... I started to kinda cringe at the thought of my blog because it had been a while since I'd posted, so I wasn't too keen on going on to tumblr again. All the notifs, inboxes and deep cringe from noticing how it's been almost 5 months since I last posted something. Likkke... girl, is you serious or not? Lol, but then... an idea got blessed in my head on the 4th of March (a beautiful idea that will start commencing very soon)... How about I start a small business? :? Selling..... Merch. Based on astrology.😁 It is one heck of a win-win situation for me and the people getting interested in astrology now. But of course... I need an audience to sell to. So, (to the Heavens I thank for the day I randomly posted some astrology thing here on tumblr and it actually blew up and I did not even expect that), now I have some people to at least engage and connect with for this business. And I thank the Heavens even more that my idea somehow got transferred into my mom's head and she popped up a question of "Don't you wanna start selling stuff?" or something like that. And hell to yes, I grabbed that opportunity like no other! (but fr, I was shocked first. like what? you read my mind or sumn?) Lol, and so... Mi lady and I talked business and how she'd invested a K for me to check if I'd really be able to handle it. (Oh and perhaps I might add, my dad also did 'invest' a K for me in terms of my music... cause I was able to buy a mic with the money he gave me. Yes, yes, a whole K went into a mic). So I can only genuinely thank God for the people in my life, and how this path is going for me right now. Like, wow. But yeah. Technically, I haven't received the K from Mi lady yet, but that is good because I'd like to get in touch (and get bigger) with my tumblr astro fam again. Then in a couple of weeks, we officially commence. Just in time for me having a driver's licence. So, things can be easier for me pushing my business. :') Lord God, You are great. The greatest. Otherwise... yeah, then other stuff ke like really building my niche on instagram (posting pics and stuff), starting a music/astrology channel on YouTube (which I released my first video today 😁), and already officiated handles on twitter and insta. I'm not too sure if I care about facebook tbh. but yeah, then all that's left is the website itself and a professional email address. then, digitally, we up!

So yeah man... wooh, what a month passing by. never would've thought of all of these things happening. but I can only thank Lord God because it's none other than His doing that's helping me with all of this. Like I actually cannot explain how grateful I am for how kind and amazing He has been to me. and the fact that I'm able to see and understand why these things are happening. some making me really sad, but it's all just to introducing the next that will make me really happy. I am truly blessed man. wow.

God, I thank you. With all my heart and being. All my existence and soul. I thank you.

#strawberry mint series