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guardianofrivendell · 3 years

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Guarding Your Heart - Chapter 8

Modern!Fíli AU written by @laurfilijames and @guardianofrivendell

Summary: Bodyguard AU: Lucy gets dragged into her father’s past against her will and is possibly in danger. Fíli gets assigned to her as her bodyguard. He doesn’t want to be there, she doesn’t want him to be there either. But then things get serious and it turns out Lucy is indeed in danger.

Warnings: besides the fact this chapter is still wet with our tears because we didn’t want this to end? Prepare for broken hearts, stupidity (take a good guess to which character this warning belongs), but there’s also NSFW content again (welcome back to half naked... No, entirely naked Fíli!) so keep an eye out for the 💦 lines if you want to skip that part, and there’s one heavy make out session near the end.

A/N: Thank you SO, SO MUCH for all the support during these series. When we first started this, we could have never imagined the response we got. We had tons of fun writing this, laughing about our inside jokes, getting posting jitters on Friday, freaking out because we ran out of time only to write an entire chapter in two days the next week, anxiously waiting for your comments and reactions. We can’t believe this is the last chapter and our writing adventure is over... You’re more than welcome to come and have a good cry with us :)

A/N 2: This chapter is 9.2k words, our longest one... Is it obvious we didn’t want this story to be over? :)

GUARDING YOUR HEART MASTERLIST

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Kíli kept on rambling about whatever random topic popped up in his head, but Fíli wasn’t listening. His eyes were fixed on the road in front of them, lost in his own thoughts, not even bothering to react to whatever it was his brother was telling him about.

Kíli was driving him to the cabin, just like Thorin had promised. Well, ordered might be a better word. Fíli hated being dependent on others, but there really wasn’t another option. His arm was in a sling, the pain in his shoulder too much to use it, his ribs still sore. Even letting his arm rest next to his body hurt like hell.

The doctors had told him that the only thing he needed in order to fully heal was lots of patience and time. Two things Fíli didn’t have a lot of.

“You alright?”

Fíli finally tore his eyes away from the passing landscape and watched his brother’s profile for a few seconds. “Yeah, just tired,” he sighed.

Kíli knew that was only half the truth, but decided not to push his older brother. Fíli wasn’t like him, he was more closed off while Kíli wore his heart on his sleeve.

He had seen the heartache reflected in Fíli’s eyes, the blue less bright, as if someone had placed a very dark filter over them. Kíli wanted nothing more than to help his brother get better, and he was not talking about his injuries. He looked startlingly similar to their Uncle when he was brooding like this, and they definitely didn’t need a copy of Thorin walking around. Maybe he could pay Lucy a visit when he was back in Auckland the next day, see how she’s doing. Probably a lot better than his mess of a brother.

“Oh, I haven’t told you the news yet!” Kíli suddenly burst out in excitement, remembering what Thorin had told him that morning.

“What? You’ve finally decided to grow up?” Fíli said, not looking away from the window, trying to sound uninterested but the corners of his mouth twitched. Despite his miserable mood, he couldn’t help but tease his younger brother.

“You’re lucky you got shot in your right shoulder, because that comment would have definitely earned you a punch otherwise.”

“Pull the car over so I can show you that I can still beat you, even with this busted shoulder.”

“Oh, so you can blame me for making your injuries worse, I don't think so! I’m not stupid,” Kíli chided.

Fíli laughed, but immediately clutched his side when his ribs acted up.

“Okay fine,” he groaned. “You would probably kick my ass. I can’t even laugh without risking my lungs getting pierced.”

They drove in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, until Fíli remembered what Kíli said.

“So what’s the news?”

“Oh no, I’m not telling you anymore.”

“Very mature Kíli.”

“You’re the mature one after all, not me.”

“Fine, don’t tell me then, I don’t care,” Fíli sighed, barely keeping the grin off his face. He missed this bantering between them. He turned his attention to the window again, knowing it wouldn’t take long for Kíli to break and tell him after all.

And sure enough, it didn’t even take five minutes before Kíli gave in.

“Okay! I’ll tell you, stop pestering me about it,” he said, rolling his eyes, not being able to contain his excitement about the news he was about to share, earning a chuckle from Fíli. To give him credit, his brother had taken longer than usual. Maybe he was finally growing up.

“Well, you know how you’ve basically rolled up an entire cartel on your own, with help from me of course,” Kíli added, tearing his eyes off the road for a few seconds so he could look at Fíli with a very self-satisfied look. “Apparently they had been eyeing this one for quite some time, so we did the feds a huge favor.”

Fíli finally turned his head to watch his brother. Kíli was relaxed, one hand on the steering wheel, his other resting on his thigh. He always looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.

“It’s not that much of a surprise, if you ask me. When do the feds get something right you know? It’s like that time when they thought I was the criminal and took me in instead of the actual culprit. I mean… have you seen me?” Kíli pointed at his own face. “Do I look like a thug to you? With this adorable face?”

He looked at Fíli, waiting for a reply. Or at least a confirmation.

“Your point?” Fíli asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Point? Oh! Yes!” Kíli laughed, getting excited again, slapping the steering wheel a couple of times. “Thorin received the message this morning, we’re expected at an award ceremony in a few weeks where we’re both getting a medal. About bloody time we got some recognition.”

Fíli started pulling at the loose strands of fabric of his sling. He couldn’t care less about a reward. It’s not what he wanted. “I’m not going.”

“What do you mean, you’re not going? You have to!”

“I don’t care, I’m not going, Kee,” Fíli said, a little harsher than he had meant to. “I didn’t do it to help the feds. I don’t need a medal.”

“Then what do you need? Let me help, I know you’re unhappy!”

“There’s only one thing that I need, and I can’t have it!”

“Why not?” Fíli didn’t need to say it out loud for Kíli to figure out he was talking about Lucy. He couldn’t understand why his brother was doing this to himself. “Fee, why not?” he repeated.

Fíli inhaled deeply and Kíli heard the hitch in his breath.

“I don’t want to make the same mistakes as dad,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Kíli gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, the mention of their father making his chest tighten. He understood his brother’s reasoning. It was stupid, but he understood.

“What dad did was different, Fee. He ignored direct orders because he wanted to save those kids. It was the right thing to do. ”

“He let his emotions take over and paid with his life. I let my emotions take over with Lucy, but was lucky enough to come out alive. I still went too far.”

“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. So you kissed each other and it got a little hot and heavy. What’s the big deal? Again, you’re supposed to be the mature one?”

Kíli did everything he could to keep his mouth shut, knowing his opinion on his brother’s love life was the last thing he wanted to hear, but he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Fíli and Lucy were meant to be together and he just couldn’t sit back and watch the stubborn ass throw it away.

“Fíli, this is love! Even I can see that. You didn’t see how she reacted when you were on the stretcher. It took both Dwalin and myself to keep her from running to you at first. She loves you too, brother. You just need to let her.”

As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted it, seeing Fíli’s neck flare red and his dimples flinch in his cheeks from clenching his teeth together. He was mad.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, I just—“ but he was quickly cut off.

“Kíli, that's enough!” he snapped. Kíli didn’t take it personally though, he knew how badly his brother was hurting. It killed him to see him this way, Fíli was always so strong and resilient and he hoped one of them would see sense and make this whole thing right.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, Kíli keeping his eyes on the road the entire time in order to let his brother sort out his thoughts.

Kíli stayed at the cabin that night, it was too late to drive back to Auckland and he really didn’t want to leave Fíli alone, even if that meant sleeping on the couch. He left early the next morning, with a promise to return soon with more supplies.

It had been days since Lucy arrived home and was on her own, she lost track of exactly how many, but regardless, she was still no closer to healing the wounds in her heart. Everything in her condo was a reminder of Fíli. She couldn’t climb the stairs without feeling Fíli’s arms around her when he carried her. Whenever she took a shower and stepped into the hallway, she expected to see Fíli standing there, scolding her for taking too long. Everywhere she looked brought vivid images of him in her mind, and all she wanted was to forget.

So she used every excuse imaginable to be away, choosing to stay after class to study in the university libraries as opposed to the comforts of her home office. She went to sit in a busy cafe for hours during the weekend so she could escape the deafening silence of her condo. Grateful for having endless amounts of work to catch up on after being forced to neglect her studies for months, she buried herself in her books. But no matter how hard Lucy tried to avoid it, all of her thoughts were stolen by Fíli.

It was something Dwalin said to her when he had brought her home that kept repeating itself in her head, almost taunting her. According to him there was no doubt Fíli was in love with her. He claimed he had seen it in his eyes and behavior when he visited them in the cabin. “Clear as day lass,” he’d said to her, with a knowing smile on his lips.

And as much as she wanted to believe him, how much she wanted it to be true, she couldn’t forget Fíli’s words. ‘We can’t do this’, ‘This was a mistake’...

But what if he said those things to her because he felt he couldn’t cross a line? It was something she had thought about before, so maybe… Maybe Dwalin could be right? Was there hope for them after all? Could he feel the same?

Not knowing exactly what it was that possessed her, she found herself driving to EPIC headquarters one day. She parked in front of the huge building that overlooked Auckland and tried to sum up the courage to step out and make her legs walk to the front door. She knew in her heart she wanted to, she needed to see Fíli. Would he even be there?

Then once again, before she even had the chance to open the car door, her doubt started to consume her. If he really wanted to see her, he would’ve made contact by now. Maybe Dwalin was wrong.

Lucy cursed herself for being so foolish and letting herself get carried away so easily before shifting her car out of park and driving away from there as quickly as she could.

She did the same thing two more days in a row: driving to EPIC, nervously drumming her fingers on the steering wheel while she looked at the intimidating glass windows that covered the entire front of the building, only to change her mind and drive back home and feel like crap all over again. She willed courage to find her, she knew she needed to talk to Fíli again, if only to get closure on the situation.

On the fourth time Lucy found herself parked out front, she finally stepped out of her car and strode through the front doors with as much confidence as she could muster.

She was greeted by a friendly young man with dark brown hair who introduced himself as Frodo, Bilbo’s nephew, who was temporarily filling in at reception until they found a more permanent solution. He informed her that Fíli wasn’t at the office, and Lucy’s heart sank. She didn’t know if she was brave enough to return another day.

Frodo excused himself when the phone rang, giving Lucy the opportunity to turn on her heel and walk away. There was no point in being here now.

She could hear Frodo panic slightly when he wasn’t able to figure out how to take the call off speaker, allowing Lucy to hear the deep voice on the other end that was unmistakably Thorin’s. She slowed her stride when she heard him ask Frodo to bring the young woman in the lobby up to his office to speak with him. How did he know she was here?

“Miss?” Frodo called to her, stopping her in her tracks. She spun around to face him again, his beaming smile almost causing one to form on her own face. “Thorin would like to speak with you,” Frodo explained, standing to lead her toward the elevators.

Frodo chatted easily on their ascent to the first floor, but Lucy remained silent, her nerves still getting the best of her.

The door opened with a chime and Frodo guided her through the hallway to Thorin’s office. He knocked three times before opening the door, signaling she could go inside. Lucy hesitated before stepping into the huge office that Thorin occupied. She could see him sitting at his desk, looking over some papers with an expression on his face that she’d seen so many times drawn on Fíli’s. Lucy didn’t want to impose, so she stood for a moment at the entrance, picking her fingernails until his deep voice roused her from her thoughts, making her jump slightly.

“Please, come sit down, Lucy,” he stood and waved his hand toward a chair on the opposite side of his desk.

Lucy’s heels clicked across the tile floor, the echo making her more self-conscious than she already was. She smoothed her skirt and thanked Thorin as she perched herself on the edge of the chair.

Thorin smiled warmly, noticing her nervousness instantly even though she had been a guest in his home already. “It’s nice to see you again, you look well. Would you like something to drink?” he offered, “Tea, coffee, water?”

“Tea, please,” she requested, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I was wondering when you would be ready to come in,” Thorin smiled, placing the steaming cup in front of her. Lucy’s eyes widened at his words and she nervously rubbed her thighs.

“You- you knew I was there?”

Thorin chuckled. “I wouldn’t be good at my job if I didn’t. This is a security company after all.”

Lucy was mortified. She sighed heavily and shut her eyes, trying to come up with a way to explain this so she didn’t seem like a crazy stalker, but Thorin thankfully did the talking for her. “I can only begin to imagine how you’re feeling, Lucy, and it’s no surprise you want to talk to Fíli, as you should.” He gave her a sympathetic look when he saw tears pool in her eyes, and she blinked quickly to try to make them disappear, looking down at her hands and picking at the skin around her nails. “I’ll have you know that Fíli hasn’t been doing very well with this either. I sent him back to the cabin to take a break from all of this.” Lucy’s head had whipped up at the mention of him being back at the cabin and she wondered if being there had him thinking at all of her. If he was at the cabin, that would explain why he didn’t contact her.

“I can’t tell you what to do, Lucy, but I think you and I both know you should go there, go talk to him. You’re the only one he needs right now, not me, not even his brother. You.”

“Thank you for the tea,” Lucy said without acknowledging his advice, ending the conversation abruptly. Wiping a tear off her cheek she stood to make her exit, not bringing herself to meet Thorin’s eyes.

She left EPIC in a daze, trying to decide what she should do. Was Fíli really in as bad a shape as Thorin said he was? Or was he simply trying to push them together? Either way, she was torn. Why should she be the one to throw herself at him again, when he couldn’t be bothered to even attempt to make up for all the hurt he caused?

She drove the streets back to her apartment in silence, not even noticing the radio was turned completely down. She didn’t know what to do, if she should follow Thorin’s advice or wait for Fíli to come back and for him to take the first step. What she did know was that she definitely couldn’t drive that distance in her six-inch stilettos.

He couldn’t do anything.

He couldn’t shower properly, he couldn’t make dinner like he was used to and was constantly reminded of his injuries with every sudden move. Fíli was running up the walls out of frustration.

He couldn’t work out, which is what he would normally do to help alleviate his irritations, and he knew it would be a very long time before he could return to any sort of exercise routine.

So instead he sat on the couch to let his thoughts run freely and torture him. The memories he made here with Lucy, how she had felt underneath him on the bed, how he ruined everything with only a few words, all of which were lies.

Kíli’s remarks didn’t leave his mind for one second either. ‘She loves you too, brother. You just need to let her.’ Perhaps he was right, and the only thing standing between them was himself. Maybe he should go and talk to her when he returns. But what if she’s trying to move on? What if she’s trying to forget all about him? It would serve him right.

On some days he would try to read, but even picking up a book he knew Lucy had her hands on before drove him mad. He stood in front of the bookshelf, thinking how she had gone through nearly every book that sat on it. His hands ran over the spine of Little Women, and the memory of Lucy reading it took over his emotions completely. The way she sat curled up on the bed, a smile adorning her face, just happy to be in that moment reading a story she loved. That’s the moment he really knew. He loved her. He slammed the book closed and tossed it carelessly on the shelf, walking away before he came crashing down on himself.

It was a few days later and late in the evening, but Fíli felt far away from being able to sleep. It never seemed to come easily to him ever since he left the hospital and even then he was only sleeping well because of the drugs they had been pumping through his veins.

He had removed the sling from his arm and done some very slow and very painful rotations of his shoulder, trying to break the stiffness out of it. He couldn’t stand being inactive for this long, but at the same time he had no motivation to do anything at all anymore.

Fíli wondered if he would ever feel happy again. This constant and all-consuming dread that filled him, his mind reminding him repeatedly that he had made the biggest mistake of his life. He hadn’t felt anything close to this since their dad died, but somehow this felt worse.

He couldn’t seem to erase the image of Lucy’s hurt face after he left her in bed that one day. Every time he looked at the bed, let alone laid in it, his mind made a point to provoke him with reminders of her. Her scent lingered on the pillows and in the blankets, and it seemed like every time he closed his eyes he could feel her touch on his skin.

He rubbed his face with his hands as though the more aggressive he was with the action, the higher chance he had of eliminating these feelings.

He needed to see her. When Kíli came back with supplies, he would have him drive straight to her apartment. He had to make this right, he needed to make amends from the damage he caused, and if she still wanted him after that, he would never let her go again.

Fíli slowly stood from the couch and crossed over to the kitchen, the pain in his leg reminding him to slow his pace, and reached for the bottle of single-malt whisky that had become a bit of a crutch to him since he arrived back at the cabin. Pouring the amber liquid into a glass, he stopped when he heard a car pull into the driveway.

He thought what day it was, Kíli was meant to come back to bring him home two days from now, but then again Kíli has never been known to stick to plans.

The sound of a car door closing echoed in the otherwise quiet of the cabin’s surroundings as he put the glass to his lips and drained its contents. Light footsteps padded across the wood porch, and he knew immediately it couldn’t be his brother who’s gait typically matched that of an elephant.

Fíli carefully placed the glass down on the counter and kept still, listening intently for the next noise, but everything remained quiet. Whoever this was definitely wasn’t Kíli or any member of the Durin clan, who all would simply walk right in with no hesitation. Another minute passed and Fíli began to question the intentions of this unknown guest. He didn’t have the energy or strength to put up a fight, hoping this person was merely lost and in need of directions.

A knock so quiet he almost missed it sounded on the door, the indecision of the caller evident in the faint contact as if they regretted tapping their knuckles on the wood.

Fìli limped over to the door, leaning to peer out the window to try and see who stood on the porch, but it was too dark and whoever was there was out of view.

He sighed as he turned the handle, bracing himself for whatever nuisance waited on the other side. But the person who stood before him was not at all who he expected.

“Luce?”

Her face looked pained and tinted with regret, her eyes welling up with tears and she began sputtering words and shaking her head.

“I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have come, I don’t even know why I drove here—”

Her eyes refused to meet his and she turned quickly on her heel to walk away, but was stopped when Fíli reached for her wrist and spun her back around.

As soon as his fingers contacted her skin he felt something surge through him, a spark that ignited the flame he had for her, the one that he’d been trying to suffocate.

He refused to let go of her, fearing she would vanish in front of him if he did, so his hand remained clasped on her wrist and he found himself gently rubbing his thumb across it, the sensation of his rough skin on her softness confirming she wasn’t a figment of his imagination.

“What are you doing here?” He searched her eyes for some sort of answer as she still refused to speak, her head continuing to shake like she still regretted her decision to come here.

Finally, her eyes met his and the tears she had been fighting spilled down her cheeks.

“I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss you…”

Fíli could see her heart breaking all over again as she confessed to him, the pain he caused her still fresh and raw. Being here and saying it out loud reopened what she had tried so hard to deny.

“I need you, Fíli…”

The look on her face was like a knife to his heart, like she hated herself for feeling this way, like she wanted more than anything to not miss or need him.

The truth was that he needed her. He needed her more than anything, and it was finally time he admitted that.

His hands flew up to her face, her tears cold and wet against his heated palms, and he pulled her toward him, his eyes silently asking for her consent before he pressed his lips against hers.

He could feel her all but melt into him, relief flooding her as she finally allowed herself to succumb to what they both wanted. She met his kiss with equal haste, crashing against him with a passion he refused to deny them ever again.

He swallowed the soft moan that rushed out of her when his tongue slipped past her lips, her mouth parting to grant him access to more.

Fíli took a step back so they were fully inside the cabin, removing one of his hands from her face to push the door shut behind them before moving to guide her back to rest against it. He couldn’t help but lean his weight into her, needing so badly to feel himself against all of her at once. Her hands travelled over his back, squeezing and gripping his shirt to keep him close to her.

He broke their entanglement and took a panting breath as he traced his thumb over her chin to make her open her eyes to look at him.

Lucy reached up to cup his cheek, rubbing her palm over the soft stubble that coated his face, giving him a small but genuine smile, happy to be looking at his face in real life and not just in her mind.

“I love you, Luce,” he declared, the words falling freely from his tongue with more surety than anything else he’d ever said in his life.

Fíli pressed his forehead against hers, his lips brushing hers again ever so slightly.

“I love you too, Fíli,” she answered truthfully, allowing him to exhale the breath he had been holding before colliding his lips with hers again.

Lucy could scarcely believe this was happening, tasting Fíli on her lips, feeling his warm body on hers, relishing in everything she had missed and longed for since they parted what felt like an eternity ago. She clung to him tightly, using him as a grounding force. He was her strength, her rock. Her hands roamed his torso freely, exploring the form she missed so much, but the rough scabs and gouges in his skin quickly reminded her how broken he was too. But he didn’t seem to be bothered, not flinching at all to her touch. She suddenly felt the need to see his wounds, the injuries that scarred him and would leave a reminder of everything he did for her, the blemishes that had a wave of guilt overcome her. She slowly worked at the buttons on his plaid shirt, thinking how he would in no way be able to lift his arm over his head to pull a shirt over his head. His good arm braced against the door beside her head, his injured one hanging low to hold her waist. One by one, the buttons fell open and exposed his thick, dark blond curls to her. She carefully carded her hands over his chest, feeling his warmth radiating onto her hands, his heart beating strong against her touch.

There was gauze covering the gunshot wound and his chest and stomach were littered with cuts, some healed more than others, but the sight made her feel sick. This was all her fault.

As if reading her mind, Fíli pressed a kiss to her nose, then her cheek and finally her lips, bringing his hands to rest on either side of her face once more. “Hey, it’s okay,” he assured her, “I’m fine, Luce. I’m here.”

She couldn’t help but cry again, her finger gently tracing the borders of a deeper cut on his side. “I’d do it all again and again if it always meant you were safe,” he whispered beside her ear, moving to gently kiss her neck. She moaned at his touch, goosebumps erupting all over her body as he continued.

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Fíli paused and took her hand in his, walking over to the bed. He sat on the edge and guided her between his legs, looking at her lovingly as she tangled her fingers through his hair. His mouth landed on her stomach, his hands lifting her shirt further up to reveal more of her skin to him. Excitement and anticipation fluttered in her stomach, the sensation of wet impressions from his lips decorating her belly.

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to lift his arm up to remove her shirt, she took the hem from where it lay bunched up beneath her breasts and pulled it off, happy to give him access to more of her to kiss.

His hands roamed all over her, from her back to her waist, down across her hips and over her bum, giving gentle squeezes wherever they fell, his lips still adorning her stomach and now moving up to her cleavage.

Her head fell back as his mouth found her nipple through the thin material of her bra, his tongue flicking it playfully before sucking it taught. He lingered there, but his hands moved to the fastenings on her pants, unbuttoning them and sliding down the zipper. Her hips shimmied slightly to help guide the material past her thighs, stepping out of them and standing before Fíli in her panties that he could see were already soaked through with arousal for him. He pulled her back against him, hooking his fingers in the band of her thong, bending his head down to kiss across her hip bone.

She felt lost in ecstasy, enjoying every touch they shared together, everything feeling so familiar and known. But that changed when she realized this was familiar, and couldn’t help but pause when the memories of them in a moment like this, before he abandoned her and called her a mistake flashed through her mind.

“Fíli?” she questioned, breathlessly.

He looked up at her with concern, sensing her reluctance. “Am I still a mistake to you?”

Fíli stood from the bed, gripping her shoulders slightly and staring at her intently. “Luce, you were never a mistake. I’m so sorry I said that to you. It’s my biggest regret, and pushing you away like that was the only mistake out of all of this.” His eyes were full of certainty, she knew every word he said to her was true. “I promise to make it up to you.”

He kissed her again and she eagerly reciprocated, pushing her tongue into his mouth desperately. She reached for his jeans, undoing them hastily and pushed them to the floor. He was straining against the thin material of his boxers, and he hissed when Lucy reached in and freed him, biting her lower lip in response.

Fíli sat back down on the bed, looking at her with a hunger she had never seen before. He wrapped his hands around her thighs and pulled her toward him, pressing his mouth against the area just below her belly button and she knew she could never get enough of him. His fingers hooked in the band of her panties and he glanced up at her with flaming eyes, searching for her approval to remove them. Lucy leaned forward, cupping his cheeks and kissing him fervently, giving him the answer he needed. She shuddered as she felt the thin material pull down her legs in the slowest movement, excited anticipation blooming in her stomach. Fíli reluctantly broke their kiss, returning his lips to her midsection, his hands running behind her back to unclasp her bra.

Now fully exposed, Lucy stood before him, bared and uncovered, nothing remaining between them. He took all of her in, careful to memorize exactly how beautiful she looked, how perfect she was. His nose grazed against her lower belly, dipping his head lower to land close to her core, her scent overwhelming him. Her hands fisted in his hair as his mouth contacted her folds, her soft cries mixing with his deep moans while he indulged in her taste. His hands roamed freely over her hips and the curve of her bum, pulling her slightly more into him to add more pressure to his actions.

He knew she was close to coming apart, her cries growing in pitch and her thighs quivering, so he slowed his pace, wanting to be inside her when she did fall over the edge.

Her breathing was ragged, her hips meeting his growing beard in a fluid motion as she gripped onto his shoulders for support, the way he made her feel left her unsure that her legs could keep her standing much longer. As soon as he completely removed his mouth from her, all Lucy could think of was touching him, finally able to feel all of him in her hands. She reached down between his legs, gripping his throbbing girth, smiling when she heard her name fall from his mouth in validation of her touch. Feeling the thick vein on the underside of his cock pulsing, she pumped him rhythmically, straddling one of his legs to get closer to him. His lips attached to her neck, sucking and nipping at her skin, noises replicating growls sounding from deep within his chest each time she rolled her thumb over his oozing head.

Lucy couldn’t take it anymore, she needed to feel him push inside her to fill her completely, making them one. She moved her leg in order to straddle his lap, now hovering over his cock, ready to sink herself down onto him.

She sighed suddenly out of frustration, realizing that she didn’t have any protection with her. Of course not. This trip to the cabin wasn’t exactly planned and as much as she wanted this, she never thought it was going to happen.

Fíli took instant notice of her delay, and a worried look flashed over his features.

“I don’t have a condom,” she shrugged, unable to disguise her disappointment.

Fíli simply grinned, remembering the generous gift Kíli had sent with supplies.

“Oh, don’t worry,” he chuckled slightly, “We’re fully stocked.”

Lucy returned his smile with a questioning look, moving off his lap as he stood and walked over to the kitchen. She took the time to admire his backside, but the sight only made her more eager for him to return to her.

Fíli shuffled a few things around in the cupboard where he had tossed the bag containing the value-pack of condoms, finally locating them and internally thanking his brother for doing something useful for once.

“You didn’t buy those, did you?” Lucy asked from the bed, a slight alarm present in her voice.

Fíli shook his head, hoping this wouldn’t ruin the moment. “No, Kíli sent them with supplies back when we first got here.”

Lucy couldn’t help but giggle, feeling slightly embarrassed but also grateful for his gesture.

She continued to watch Fíli, standing in all his glory, erection sticking out in a full show for her, but he didn’t return to the bed. Instead, he quickly gathered whatever blankets and pillows were nearby and placed them on the floor in front of the fireplace.

He looked at her once satisfied with his work, nodding his head to beckon her over, and she nearly combusted. He was irresistible to her and found herself by his side before her mind even made the decision to do so. They kissed for a moment before Fíli carefully lowered himself to the floor, his movements slow due to his still-healing injuries, his face curling up in pain.

“Are you okay?” Lucy asked as she moved to sit on her knees, her hand running over his cheek to try to smooth out his wince.

“I’m fine, Luce, it’s okay,” he opened his eyes and nodded to her, turning his face into her palm to give it a reassuring kiss.

A gasp of surprise left her when he gripped her legs to pull her body onto his lap with a strength she didn’t know he could have with his afflictions. He locked his mouth on hers, having long forgotten his pain and eager to return to where they had left off on the bed. Lucy glided along his length, her slick coating him and sending them both into a distracted state, forgetting the reason they had parted in the first place.

Fíli blindly reached for the condom he had taken out, his fingers finally landing on the packet that had disappeared somewhere between the pillows. He was seconds away from abandoning the whole idea of it, the sensation of her bare against him tempting him beyond reason.

“Give me that! You’re taking too long!” Lucy scolded him playfully, ripping it from his hand and tearing the package open with her teeth. He couldn’t help but laugh at her impatience, glad to see she was as desperate for him as he was for her.

But the humour he found in it was soon forgotten, replaced by feral need when she began rolling it down over his shaft, her hands moving to pump at the base of him once it was secured. He watched her chest rise and fall in deep breaths, trying to slow her pace.

“Do you promise not to stop this time?” she asked, knowing she was far past the point of ending what they started.

Fíli gave her a sly grin, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, “Nothing could stop me, Luce.”

Her eyes locked on his as she carefully sank onto him, his breadth stretching her walls, allowing no time to adjust to his size and not stopping until he was bottomed out. His hands tangled in her hair and he kissed her purposefully as he waited for her to make the first movement, not wanting to cause her any discomfort. But Lucy quickly took control, slowly rocking her hips against his body, creating a tempo that had his mind reeling and every nerve in his body firing.

He couldn’t recall ever feeling the way he did right now, every sensation heightened, every touch full of meaning and passion. The way she felt around him was exquisite, encasing him deep within her, her arms wrapped safely around him, the soft noises that fell from her perfect lips that he swore to commit to memory.

He was almost glad for his injuries, being forced to go slow, which allowed him to savour every bit of Lucy and have nothing rushed. The heat from the fire had their bodies coated with a thin layer of sweat, their limbs tangled together, sharing heavy breaths that were labored from holding back a slightly more aggressive pace.

Fíli didn’t know how long they had been entwined, but he was nearing his end and unable to hold on much longer. His lips broke away from hers, reaching up to run his thumbs over her flushed cheeks, giving her a telling look that he was ready to fall with her.

Lucy nodded, confirming she was at the edge too, and together they increased their motions, her hips rolling down and him rutting up into her forcefully. They came apart simultaneously, Lucy letting out a strangled cry as she clawed at Fíli’s back, her walls clenching even tighter around him to coax out his spend. He came with one hard, final thrust, his hands wrapped around her body like a vice, his head buried in her neck to muffle his own guttural sounds.

They remained as they were for a while, kissing and repeating how much they loved each other as often as they could, like they were trying to make up for lost opportunities.

Fíli eventually moved to pull out of her, and Lucy lay back in their makeshift bed, watching him pull the condom off his semi-hard cock, tying off the end and placing it to the side, far too exhausted to get up to dispose of it properly. He fell beside her and collected her in his arms once again, kissing her head that rested on his panting chest.

💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦

“That was even better than I imagined,” Fíli hummed in a low voice, his fingers drawing a pattern on her upper arm.

She smiled against his body, “And just how many times have you imagined it?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he laughed, and Lucy thought how much she loved hearing it rumble through him. “I’ve been wondering how you knew to come here, though?” He asked, his tone turning serious.

“I may have driven to EPIC a few times before finally going in,” she admitted, a bit ashamed. “I talked to Thorin once I found out you weren’t there and he pointed me in this direction.”

Fíli nodded, not wanting to interrupt her because he could sense she wanted to say more. Her fingers played with his chest hair while she seemed to gather her thoughts. “I was going crazy without you. I couldn’t be in my house alone anymore, it was just too much. Everything reminded me of you.”

He squeezed her a little tighter against him, knowing exactly the pain she had felt.

“I was going insane without you, too.”

Lucy propped herself up to look at him, clearly surprised to hear him say that. “As soon as I woke up in the hospital I felt different... empty,” he explained. “I was so stupid, Luce. I tried to deny it this whole time, all the while knowing I was completely in love with you.” He could start to feel the same guilt he’d felt before come flooding back, the pain he caused her ripping him up all over again. “I’m sorry I ever hurt you. You never deserved any of that.”

Lucy could see the pain and remorse in his eyes, the bright blue reflecting so much emotion.

“Hey,” she squeezed his side to make him look at her, “none of that matters now, Fíli. We could feel responsible for each other’s pain until the end of time, meanwhile we were really both just too stubborn to fix what was wrong in the first place.”

He gave her a weak smile, still not convinced, so Lucy leaned closer to him to give him a long, rapturous kiss. “I love you, Fíli.”

“I love you too, Luce,” he professed again, this time his smile reaching his eyes.

They lay comfortably together until they were almost asleep, finally letting their bodies give in to the reprieve they both had been so desperate for. Lucy felt Fíli stir slightly, “Luce?” he whispered, his voice husky.

“Hmm?”

“How’s Gus?”

Even in her dozing state, she couldn’t help but grin, the smile stretching ear to ear.

“Well… Bilbo hired cleaners to tidy up my condo before I went back, and along with those cleaners he also had an exterminator come in…”

Fíli lifted his head to look at her better, clearly appalled by what she was telling him. “But Gus was too sly for any of them! I saw him scurry under one of the cupboards the other day!”

“That’s a relief!” he admitted, laying back down and pulling her closer to him. “I can sleep better now knowing he’s still around.”

Lucy turned her head to kiss his chest, contentment washing over her and encouraging sleep to take her.

The morning sun crept in through the window, the soft light dancing over Lucy’s still-tingling skin. She smiled as Fíli curled up behind her, resting his body against her back as they both wound down from their early morning activities.

“I could get used to waking up like this,” Lucy said, her voice still thick with sleep and ecstasy. As the words left her mouth, she heard the sound of tires crunching down the driveway.

Fíli groaned and rubbed his eyes out of annoyance, his brother always had impeccable timing.

“Who could that possibly be?” Lucy turned her head to look back at Fíli, a little annoyed as well that someone was disturbing their time together.

“That would be Kíli,” he grumbled.

Lucy moved to get up from the bed, wanting to dress before he came in the cabin, but was stopped by Fíli’s hand wrapping around her waist.

“Fíli-”

“There’s no time, Luce. Just pull the covers up. He’ll be making his entrance in three, two, one…”

And just as predicted, a loud rap sounded on the door.

“Fíli? Are you awake?” he yelled through the door, before he added, “Are you decent?”

“Yes!” Fíli shouted from the bed, pulling Lucy into him, kissing her hair when she nuzzled his chest.

When Kíli still didn’t open the door, Fíli reached down to the floor and hauled his boot at it, signalling him to come in. Lucy couldn’t help but laugh when Kíli’s mop of curls peeked around the corner, an offended look on his face.

“That could’ve hit me!”

“I wish it had,” Fíli mumbled, making Lucy laugh harder.

“Well, well, take a look at you two!” Kíli grinned, his expression changing as soon as he saw the two of them snuggled up together in the bed. “When I said I hoped to see you in better circumstances, Lucy, this wasn’t what I meant… Wait. No, what am I saying, this is EXACTLY what I meant!”

Kíli strode over to the bed and sat casually on the end of it before quickly changing his mind and standing, running his hand through his hair nervously.

“Sorry!”

“Kíli, could you maybe give us a minute?” Fíli requested, his patience starting to run thin toward his brother.

“I brought some food, it’s still in the car, I’ll just go out and grab it…” He looked at them with another signature Kíli grin, “and I’ll make you some breakfast. I bet you two worked up an appetite!”

He made his way back through towards the door, stopping to notice the box of condoms on the counter. “And I see you’re putting my gift to use!”

“KÍLI!” Fíli’s voice boomed through the cabin.

“Sorry! I’m just so happy for you guys!” Kíli explained as he scurried out the door.

“Don’t get mad at him!” Lucy scolded, pushing her finger against Fíli’s chest. “You know he’s right. We should be thanking him...”

Fíli shook his head before diving his face in Lucy’s neck, causing her to squeal and attempt to fight him off.

A few weeks later, Kíli and Fíli were honored for their services by the police department, much to the annoyance of the latter. Lucy couldn’t help but laugh when she saw both brothers stand on the stage after they received their medal. Kíli couldn’t look prouder, a large grin on his face and his chest puffed out, while Fíli looked as if he was about to get a root canal. He couldn’t get off the stage fast enough, leaving the acceptance speech to his brother. When Fíli returned to Lucy’s side, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it when she leaned towards him, “I’m proud of you.”

The whole family had come together to celebrate that night.

The table was packed with food and drinks and the room filled with chatter and rambunctious laughter. Bilbo and Thorin spared no expense when it came to this feast, and Bilbo was in his element as host. Fíli made it a point to go by every guest and family member to thank them for coming and to introduce Lucy. They all welcomed her with open arms, quite literally.

She already knew Kíli, Dwalin, Bilbo and Thorin of course, all four of them engulfing her in a warm and comforting hug.

When they stopped before Fíli and Kíli’s mother, Lucy was somewhat intimidated. The woman looked remarkably like Thorin, like she could stop a bus with her bare hands and not even flinch, but she had this softness about her that made Lucy feel as if she’d known her all her life. She introduced herself as Dís and took Lucy in her arms.

“Thank you,” she said, cupping Lucy’s face between her large hands.

Lucy was stunned, why would Dís thank her? It was her son who rescued her, if anything, Lucy would have to thank her.

“I-I feel like it should be me who has to thank you.”

“Nonsense,” Dís waved her words away before she leaned in closer. “You’re the one who made my son realise he deserves to be happy too. No one succeeded before you, not even me.”

“Mom,” Lucy heard Fíli groan next to her, catching the last of an eye roll when she turned her head to look at him.

“Oh hush, Fíli. I haven’t seen you smile as much as you have in the last few weeks. Don’t let her get away,” Dís warned him and Lucy brought her hand to her face to hide her grin.

Fíli was eager to guide her away to meet the rest of the people present before his mother could embarrass him further.

Lucy met one family friend after the other, all of them quick to embrace her and include her in the animated conversations.

It was all a little overwhelming to Lucy, who wasn’t used to a family being so warm toward each other, and it had been so long since she’d been to any social event, but Fíli stayed at her side the entire time.

An arm around her shoulders, a hand on the small of her back or entwined in hers, playing with her fingers. He made sure she knew he was always within reach.

Lucy never questioned if they were simple romantic gestures or more like a force of habit, to reassure himself she was fine. She knew it was a healthy mix of both, since his eyes searched hers whenever they were apart.

Dinner was exquisite, Bilbo truly had outdone himself. Lucy made sure she told him multiple times when she helped bring the dishes to the kitchen to clean everything. It wasn’t easy to cook for so many people and he made it seem like it was nothing.

“Thank you dear, you are too kind,” Bilbo smiled gratefully, appreciating her help. “I hope Fíli knows how lucky he is.”

“Oh, he knows,” a voice sounded behind her, making her jump. Fíli wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. Bilbo chuckled and stepped away, knowing when he wasn’t needed anymore.

“Everything okay?” Lucy asked, before she turned around and threw her arms around his neck.

“Hmm,” he hummed, planting his lips on hers. “Just missed you.”

“I was away for just a few moments, Fíli!”

“That’s all it takes for me to want you even more,” he said in a husky voice, his eyes darkening ever so slightly. Right when Lucy was about to protest having a steamy moment in his uncle’s kitchen, he turned his head to access her neck, his tongue slipping out of his mouth to lick and suck at her skin.

“Fíli! Someone could walk in,” but her words fell flat, his attention taking away any care if they did get caught.

“I don’t care,” he admitted, continuing to litter her neck and jaw with kisses, his hands trailing down her hips and slowly tugging at her dress to ruck it up.

“Ahem!” a voice cleared in the doorway and Fíli removed himself from Lucy to see Bilbo standing there.

“No, no! Don’t mind me,” he said, placing another stack of plates beside the sink. “As you were…” he winked at Lucy as exited the room again, leaving her feeling flustered. She looked at Fíli who ran his hand through his hair and adjusted himself in his pants.

“Sorry,” he said with a cheeky grin, and she knew he wasn’t at all. Lucy smoothed her dress down when she heard the playful tone in Fíli’s voice change to more serious. “Hey… I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you heard from your father yet?”

Lucy shook her head. She had expected him to contact her when she returned home, if only to apologize for everything he put her through, but she didn’t hear a word.

“Why don’t you call him instead?”

She let go of Fíli but he was quick to grab her hands to keep her close. “Luce, if I had the chance to talk to my father again, I wouldn’t have to think twice.”

“That’s different. We talked about this Fíli,” she said, her eyes begging him to let it go.

He nodded in response and they made their way back to the living room. Fíli knew the only thing Lucy needed was more time.

When they entered the room, they were welcomed with cheers, everyone raising their glass at the happy couple.

“There they are!”

Lucy gave Fíli a questioning look, silently asking him if he knew what was going on, but he shrugged his shoulders. They were ushered towards their seats, and Thorin stood up from his chair, his glass of wine in hand.

“After such an exceptionally good meal,” Thorin started, looking fondly at Bilbo, “I’d like to say a few words. Today we are celebrating. Not only because our last mission was a great success and two of our own were honored today…” He paused when the room erupted into cheers, Fíli and Kíli receiving praises and pats on the shoulders. “But also because our family has grown. When Fíli first learned he was going to be responsible for Lucy’s safety, he didn’t exactly thank me for the opportunity. And from what I’ve heard, the feeling was entirely mutual on her side.”

Lucy hid her face in her hands, thinking back to all those moments in the first few weeks they ‘lived’ together. How many times had she been disrespectful, sassy and often rude to him? And look at them now, they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.

“But they’ve both come a long way together, and we couldn’t be more grateful. I think we can all agree Fíli is a lot more enjoyable lately, now he’s found someone who makes him happy. And Lucy, if rolling up an entire cartel by himself doesn’t tell you he loves you, then what does?” Thorin laughed, looking at Lucy.

“Welcome to the family, Lucy,” Dís said, raising her glass.

Fíli threw his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a one-armed hug, kissing the side of her head.

“Welcome to the family!” they all repeated.

Kíli raised his glass in confirmation and drank it all in one go.

“I still have one question, my dear brother,” he said, placing his glass on the table a little harder than Bilbo would’ve wanted, and effectively silenced the entire room, everyone eager to hear what Kíli wanted to know. A sly grin appeared on his face and Thorin bowed his head, knowing that whatever his youngest nephew was about to say, was either going to embarrass someone or start a fight.

“When will I get to be an uncle?”

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#Fili x OC #Fili x reader #Fili #The Hobbit #The Hobbit x OC #The Hobbit x reader #Modern!Fili #The Hobbit multichapter #The Hobbit fanfiction #The Hobbit Modern AU #Bodyguard AU #Lucy Turner #Fili x Lucy Turner #Fili Friday #Dean O'gorman #Guarding Your Heart

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flymyhp · 3 years

Text

Dirty dancing with Draco Malfoy

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

A/N: it's been a minute! That's because I've been working on this wonderful 80's themed collab with @quadrupledeckertaco @probably-peeves and @melody-studyblr. Thank you to these lovely people for letting me join in. Hope you enjoy!! And absolutely check out their work because they're all very talented. Much love!

Green. Everything seemed that way except for the sky, a bright blue with a glowing sun beaming down through the windows of our car. My father was driving, talking to my mother who was sitting petitely in the passenger seat, mumbling small compliments to my sister Hermione who was beside me in the backseat singing.

“I am improving, aren’t I? You’re right mom, this summer is going to be the best I’ve had.”

That was the summer of 1963—when everybody called me Baby, and it didn’t occur to me to mind. That was before President Kennedy was shot, before the Beatles came, when I couldn’t wait to join the Peace Corps, and I thought I’d never find a guy as great as my dad. That was the summer we went to Kellerman’s.

Kellerman’s was a resort in Virginia, with a big lake and entertainment every night. My father was friends with the man who owned it, and this summer I would have the gross pleasure of meeting his son Blaise, who I’d heard so much about on the way.

“We’ll get settled and unpacked first, this way to our cabin. Then to lunch!” My father said with his and mothers suitcase in hand and sunglasses propped up on top of his head.

Hermione skipped behind him and our mother with her bag over her shoulder and long frizzy brown hair bouncing half bunched on top of her head. I watched as she spun around, admiring the view of the resort.

It was pretty, very pretty and natural. Trees overlapped our cabin that was just coming into view up the stairs on the side of a hill and there was a perfect view of the lake from our porch.

“I’m taking this bed, baby. I want the window view.” Hermione chirped as the four of us entered the cabin.

“Fine with me.” I sat my bag down on the bed with a sigh. I was excited to be here, not as excited at the idea that I might see Blaise at lunch. Or any time throughout the vacation for that matter. “Hey Mione, have you met Blaise Zabini?”

She furrowed her brows in thought. “Is he the dancer? I’ve heard he’s really good, he performs the final dance with Pansy Parkinson. I’d love to be in her shoes, I bet I could do better than she does.” She droned on and on about the wrong person.

“The owners son, I mean. I don’t know any of the dancers.” I interrupted her, annoyed.

Hermione’s always been talkative and perky. You’d think she was rude if you didn’t know her, but she just can’t help it.

“Oh! I’ve met him on one of daddy’s golfing trips.” I gagged at the word ‘daddy’. “He’s very nice and a proper gentleman, not my type but he’s heard a lot about you.” She giggled and faced the window, bouncing on her toes impatiently.

I wondered what she meant by that. I’d heard a lot about him too, he’s not my type either from the sound of it. A spoiled rich kid who takes what he wants. I also wondered about the dancers Hermione was talking about.

Everyone was unpacked and settled in nicely, so we headed to lunch in the main hall. We sat down at a four person table and waited on a server. Small talk was on its way, I turned my head to look at the hall in order to avoid it.

A voice raised a few tables down. I turned my head to look.

“Draco Malfoy. The dancer I was telling you about.” Hermione giggled beside me. He had blond, almost white hair and was leant over a server, who was a good size smaller than him.

“You’re the entertainment, Malfoy. You have no right.” The brown haired server whimpered out.

“I could get you out of here in no time.” Draco snapped. “Get the damn orders right.”

I didn’t want to stare, but I couldn’t look away either. Why did he care so much? I hadn’t noticed him look at me until a figure right next to my face snapped me out of my trance.

“Blaise.” Hermione whispered to me. With a glance her way, she was smirking.

Great.

“Mr. Zabini.” My dad nodded his head at Blaise.

“Mr. Granger. This must be baby.” Blaise looked me up and down grossly and held his hand out to me. I hesitantly took it. To no surprise, he kissed it. I worked wonders not to show my uncomfort. My father and Blaise talked for a few minutes about the resort and how much money his family has until he eventually left, shooting a wink at me.

I let out a sigh as he left. My head turned back to where Draco Malfoy had been standing, he wasn’t anymore.

“He’s a nice boy, baby.” My father looked up at me.

I forced a small smile, not looking up. I wanted him to drop it. The last few minutes of lunch I sat with my head down hoping no one would say anything else about the subject.

I walked around the resort with Hermione for most of the day. Eventually I found myself just watching her swim with some people she’d met. Mother and father had gone golfing with some of their friends and left us to find something to do, which you wouldn’t think would be hard here.

Six came up on us pretty quickly, Hermione said goodbye to her friends for the day so we could get back to the cabin and get ready for dinner in the hall. Hermione dressed up more than I did, which is always expected. We met our parents at the entrance of the hall and sat down at a booth with them. We got our food ordered and I did well to hide from anyone I didn’t want to speak to, Blaise.

I held a decent conversation with my family as we ate, nothing too special. We were mainly just waiting for the show like everybody else.

The lights dimmed and most of the room went silent. The music that was playing changed and grew louder as a spotlight landed on two people on the stage in front of us. Draco malfoy with Pansy Parkinson's hand in his.

My eyes widened as I stared. Pansy had a beautiful muted pink ball gown dress on, and Draco was wearing a white dress shirt and black formal pants.

They took the first step as the music stopped getting louder and a steady beat formed. Their feet followed along to it.

Pansy knew how to work the crowd. It wasn't a formal dance, but it wasn't too vulgar. Her hands worked the skirt of her dress flawlessly and Draco worked with her perfectly.

He lifted her into the air effortlessly, her chest slid against his seductively as he set her down. She spinned like a top with her skirt following her as the room cheered them on.

The final step of the dance led them to the stage with pansy's leg posted up on Draco's shoulder, his hands on her hips as she leaned back and the lights shut off.

I couldn't hear it but I knew the room was going crazy. Well, as crazy as a bunch of rich middle aged couples could get.

That was the wrap up of dinner for the first night. I knew my parents would want to stay and talk to some of their friends so I stood up with Hermione and took her arm.

"Let's go back to the cabin before they start tying us into arranged marriages." I giggled at her and she agreed.

I couldn’t sleep that night. Everything called to me except the bed I was in. Careful not to wake a sleeping Hermione up, I pulled the covers up and slipped out of the cabin. The night was the type of quiet it should be, trees rustled with the singing of cicadas. A boy was walking my way when I got to the bridge leading to the main hall. He was carrying three watermelons, and then he wasn’t.

“Shit.” He did his best to pick them both back up. I jogged closer to him and picked one of them up. “Thanks. Kitchens just up this way.”

“Do you know Blaise?” I asked him without thinking. I realized I probably should’ve started off slower, but I guess my head was filled with gross images of what had happened at lunch.

He scoffed. “Yeah. I know him. A real asshole. He has a thing for getting us to seduce the women that come in on vacation.”

I rolled my eyes at the thought of him. "And what about Draco Malfoy?"

"He's put together, strong-headed but he's got a kind heart. What's your name by the way?' he asked.

"Baby. That's what everyone calls me."

"Well baby, I'm Vincent. Everyone calls me Crabbe." He gave me a smile.

We got to the kitchens of the main hall. Through the windows I could see the Zabini's socializing with their guests. I tried to keep my head down.

"This way, baby." Crabbe passed me. I set the watermelon down with the other two. Then I wasn't sure what to do. "You want to see something?" He gave me a smirk.

"Depends."

"It'll be fun. Follow me."

He led me out of the kitchens and down a path behind the building. It was a bit of a walk but through some trees there was another building that looked like a cabin. Muffled music came from it.

"Do you know how to dance?" Crabbe asked, nudging my shoulder and opening the door.

It was unlike anything I'd ever seen. The place was small but so many people were packed into it, dancing under the fluorescent lights. Not ballroom dancing like at the nightly shows, it was hot, and I knew I couldn't dance like this.

"This way." Crabbe took my hand. My feet worked on their own as my eyes wandered from the people in front of me.

"Crabbe!" We stopped. Standing in front of us was Draco Malfoy. "What are we going to do about the final show?"

Oblivious to the conversation, I looked at the girl beside him. She was leaning up against a post in the room. She was tall. Dark brown hair and a look of disgust on her face.

"Who's this." She interrupted the boys conversation, looking directly at me.

I looked away from her and lowered my head.

"This is baby. I told you already, Draco, I haven't found anyone yet. The final show isn't for another week. We've got time." Crabbe argued. Then, he looked to me and smiled. An idea flickered in his eyes. "Actually, maybe I have."

"Her? Does she even dance?" Draco looked me up and down, but not the way Blaise did. The opposite.

"No I don't-" I started.

"She does. She can learn." I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't feel like lying to these people, I didn’t even know them. But I also didn't feel like dancing, or learning.

I remembered what Hermione had told me. Draco performed the final show with Pansy. Was she Pansy?

"Pansy? Why can't you do it?" I asked.

Draco rolled his eyes and gave Crabbe a look of idiocy.

"Something came up. Go back to your playpen, baby." Pansy snapped and turned her back.

"Just give her a shot, Draco." Crabbe seemed too trusting for his own good. I was certain I couldn't do it.

Draco pushed past him, grabbing my hand and stomping his feet to the center of the room. I was awestruck. I couldn't do this.

He grabbed my waist when we stopped. His hips moved to the beat of the music blaring through the room. His finger tapped my waist and he nodded at me.

"To the beat, c'mon." His eyes never left mine.

I did my best to move my hips the same way he was. It was difficult. I'd never done anything like this and I'm sure if my family could see me they'd drop dead.

"Good, good. Now like this." He moved his hips the opposite way and held my chin to keep eye contact.

I could feel Crabbe and Pansy's eyes boring into me as I attempted to keep up with Draco. This whole situation felt so odd. Two minutes prior he would barely look at me.

The song ended and he stopped. "My cabin, top of the hill. Every day at 8." He sauntered back over to Crabbe and Pansy.

"Gave her a shot. If this doesn't work out you're dead." Draco spat at Crabbe.

I stood awkwardly in the center of the floor. My feet no longer worked on their own, or at all.

"Better get to work, baby." Pansy shouted at me. I looked at her, she shook her head with a shit eating grin on her face and followed Draco.

My feet suddenly had feeling in them again. I had no idea how this evening had even happened. Something got me out of bed tonight and something else tells me I shouldn't have.

I ran as quickly as I could past everyone in the room. Eventually making it out the door I found my breath. How was I going to get away with this? How was this even going to happen?

My feet carried me back to my cabin. All I wanted to do was hide under my covers from everything outside. Blaise, Draco, this dance I was now forced to learn.

The next morning I found an excuse to get away from my family and find Draco's cabin. It was fairly easy considering my parents would be doing the same thing every day and Hermione had found her own group yesterday.

I hiked up the hill behind the main building to Draco's cabin and stopped at his door. I lifted my hand to knock as I remembered why I was there. Nerves shook in my stomach. Getting out of this would be easy. All I would have to do is avoid Draco, Pansy and Crabbe for the remaining six days and keep my head down at the final dance.

That wasn't me though. Even though I had no say so in this ordeal at all, I felt like I had to fix this for them.

I said fuck it and knocked. Heavy footsteps drew closer to the door and it swung open.

Draco stepped to the side to let me in. He let the door close behind him.

"Where do we start?" I asked him as he fiddled with a music player sitting on the floor.

"Footwork. You have to get the fundamentals down and this dance relies heavily on it." He started in front of me and put his hands on my hips.

I took a deep breath in preparation for the rest of the day.

"Stop stepping on my feet, baby."

"Arms up, stay in your circle. This is my circle. Stay in yours."

"Good, again. Not like that."

My feet were sore by the end of the day. He wasn't too awful, I had thought the night before that he had something against me but I think it's just his personality.

The next day was the same as the first. Footwork. Don't step on me and stay in your circle. I was getting less and less critiques as we went on, though.

The third day was a little different. We started on the first steps of the routine. He was getting easier to handle day after day. He was still cold and irritable, but I saw him smile for the first time the third day.

I'd attempted the first spin about 10 times and stumbled every time, or missed his hand I was supposed to grab. Finally, he spun me and pulled me back to him, and my hand caught his.

Our faces were inches from each other. He was pretty. I hadn't really noticed before that day, he was very pretty. His eyes flicked down to my lips.

"Perfect." He startled me.

Me?

"We start on the jump tomorrow." He let me go.

Of course not.

The first three days had to be rushed so we could start on the jump as soon as possible. When I got to his cabin the fourth day I was running from the rain. He was leaning up against his door waiting for me.

"Let's go." He said when I reached him.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I followed him down a path behind his cabin. "Go where, exactly?"

"You'll see."

He stopped at a large creek in the woods where a tree had fallen over crossing it. He offered his hand to me.

"No way. You're serious?" I took a step back.

"We have to work on balance, baby. I won't let you fall, I promise." He took my hand this time.

We stopped in the middle. He placed his hands tightly on my waste.

"Now, jump"

My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head.

"It's raining, Draco, I'm going to fall." I retaliated.

"You are not, baby. Trust me and trust yourself."

"Fine." I huffed. I jumped just enough to get my toes off of the tree.

"And, down." His hands didn't leave my waist like they normally would. "Again, try higher this time."

I took a deep breath and jumped harder. My feet were unbalanced when I did and I felt it. His arms wrapped around me as he caught me, trying not to fall over himself.

"Can we just go back to the cabin?" I shook with nerves in his arms.

"We'll go to the lake. Can't have you breaking your neck in the cabin either." He held my hands as we got off of the tree and headed down to the lake.

I don't think he realized he hadn't let go of one of them.

"Right, love. This will be easier. Don't worry about falling." He said absentmindedly as we entered the lake.

There was still a downpour as evening grew to night. We started out small. He could easily hold me, it was about my ability to balance myself.

"Now, you'll go above my head and hold." I nodded my head at him.

I jumped with all I had. My eyes were closed in anticipation of my face meeting the water again, but it didn't.

"Hold, baby." Draco said from under me.

And I did. My sides were killing me, but I held it until he tapped my thigh with his fingers. I let myself fall back in front of him and my head fall.

"I think I'm done for tonight. That's starting to hurt." I told him.

Hands. His hands were on my hips.

"Of course. We'll perfect it tomorrow and finish it the next. You're doing perfect." He said. I started to shiver from the rain and cold lake water.

"Oh, baby. I'm sorry. I should've known. I'll get you back, let's go." He said, but he wasn't moving.

"I don't really want to go back to my cabin." I managed to force out.

"You can't stay in the lake all night." He chuckled.

I looked at him. I couldn't believe how intoxicating he looked.

"I said I didn't want to go back to mine." I had no idea what had gotten into me.

His hands on my hips moved to my face. I had no idea what had gotten into him, either.

"Then stay with me." He whispered. I nodded slightly, impatiently.

His hand went to my neck and he pulled my head closer, kissing me.

My mind had completely left my body. This had to be a dream. I knew it wasn't when he lifted my legs up to wrap around his waist, deepening the kiss.

"Perfect." He said as his forehead pressed against mine. "I meant you." My heart stopped working at this point. "Let's get you to bed. My bed."

Nothing happened that night with Draco, other than being completely sure I was in love with him. I just didn't know if it was because I was tired at the time.

The last few days I had pushed it out of my mind. My nerves focused more on the dance than they did about my feelings for Draco. The final dance was here.

"Follow my lead, and if you forget anything just improvise from what you've learned." He held my hand from behind the curtain.

It lifted and the light hit me. I knew my parents were here and I would probably be killed after this, but I couldn't let Draco down.

The music started and so did we. I moved in sync with him, and did my best not to look stiff during my parts.

The jump was seconds away, and my heart had nearly bursted from nerves and from Draco's eyes on mine the whole time. I flicked my dress back and forth with my hands and ran to Draco who had his arms out waiting to catch me.

I flew over his head and held myself in place. The room erupted into cheers just as it did the first night when Pansy was in my place.

Our last few steps were perfect, and the lights went out. Draco grabbed my face and kissed me all over.

"Perfect, baby. Absolutely perfect. I'll have to replace you with Pansy." He joked.

My face fell.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll take care of your folks and Blaise. Leave it to me."

"No, Draco. Pansy. Aren't you and Pansy?"

"No, baby. Of course not. That's for show. She has a guy. And I found my girl." He kissed me again. I kissed him back. His girl.

Hermione had been right on the way to Kellerman's. This was the best summer I'd ever had.

#draco malfoy #harry potter #harry potter imagines #hp #hp imagine #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy imagines #collab

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notveryglittery · 4 years

Text

birthday prince (2)

summary: roman had no idea it was possible to die from too much love but logan sure is trying. words: 2,000 / ship: logince (logan/roman) author’s note: this is part two of my Giving The Gay Anything He Wants series for roman’s birthday (june 4)! all ships are written implied romantic but i’m not stopping you from interpreting it otherwise. check the end notes on ao3 for credit on these gifts (bc i don’t know where to put them in this post)! i hope you enjoy!!

part 1 (roceit) | part 2 (logince) | part 3 (prinxiety) part 4 (royality) | part 5 (dlampts) read on ao3

— — —

Roman woke to the smell of bacon. And eggs. And hash browns. … Cinnamon rolls too, maybe? He groaned, rolling over onto his back. Kicking his legs up, he used the following momentum to swing himself into a sitting position. There was a little bit of vertigo at moving so quickly, but this was how he always got himself out of bed since it usually provided him a sudden surge of energy. He squinted, looking towards the door, and trying to decide how badly he actually wanted to get out of bed in order to have breakfast. On the one hand, it all smelled absolutely mouthwatering. On the other hand, he was very warm and comfortable.

Three precise knocks made the decision for him.

"Roman, are you awake?"

At the sound of Logan's voice, a smile lit up Roman's face. "Yes! Come in!"

The scents of all the tempting foods were much stronger now and, as Logan entered carrying a tray in one hand, it became clear as to why. Logan was still wearing an apron and there was a smidge of flour on his forehead. He moved carefully so as not to spill or drop anything. Roman hoped the mug was filled with coffee made with too much cream and sugar. Before he could offer any help, Logan gestured at him to sit back; in the same moment, he flipped the legs of the tray open. Once Roman was settled, Logan set the stand down over his lap. His nose had been right in picking out eggs, bacon, and hash browns. There was a small bowl of fruit (with green grapes, his favorite!) and yes, the coffee was the exact color as he liked it.

"There are cinnamon rolls baking still," Logan said, sitting down on the mattress and reaching forward to brush Roman's hair back from his eyes. His smile was so soft and fond, Roman thought he might melt if it were directed at him for too much longer. "Did you sleep well?"

Catching Logan's hand before he could pull away completely, Roman pressed a kiss to the bottom of his palm. "I did, thank you. So, what's this for, then?"

Logan shook his head, as if he didn't understand the question. "I'm sure you'll figure it out. Eat. I'll return momentarily."

He was up and gone by the time Roman remembered that his birthday was later that week. He laughed a little, burying his face in his hands. The food was delectable, all of it still hot and fresh. Somehow, the coffee was even better than usual; perhaps because it had been made and served by someone he cared for so dearly. He scrolled through social media as he ate, feeling happy and relaxed. It was an exceedingly nice way to start his morning, especially knowing that he had plenty of things to deal with later on.

True to his word, Logan was back in roughly twenty minutes. He had a plate and two glasses of milk. He seemed satisfied that Roman had finished all his food and, with a snap of his fingers, removed the breakfast tray. He left his things on the bedside table and pulled a notebook from thin air. Roman recognized it as one of his many planners. He sat down again, posture slightly stiff, but Roman could tell it was because he was resisting joining Roman in bed. He wondered how he could convince him…

Flipping through the pages, Logan adjusted his glasses before beginning. “As far as I’m aware, the tasks you had scheduled for today were the following: selecting the name and song for Shoutout Sunday, washing the linens, preparing April’s shorts for compiling, and… corralling Remy to ensure Thomas sleeps well tonight.”

Roman snorted at Logan’s choice of words. “That’s all of it. Thank you for breakfast, darling. I’ve got plenty of energy to get started now!”

Logan tutted and held up a hand to stop Roman from getting up any further. “It is taken care of.”

Roman frowned. “... Pardon?”

“Your chores. The last load of laundry is in the dryer now. I’ve spoken with Thomas regarding Sunday’s video. Bargaining with Remy did take some time. However— Are you crying?” Logan’s voice hitched in sudden concern and he reached over to cradle Roman’s cheek in his hand.

Roman sniffled. “It’s okay, Lo. I’m happy… Just a little overwhelmed.” He pressed his own hand against Logan’s and gave him a shaky smile. “Why did you do all of this?”

Logan shifted so that he was better facing Roman. “You deserve to be taken care of. That is a constant, of course. In particular, this is in celebration of your birthday. I am well aware of the shenanigans made for the day itself so I thought I would ‘jump the gun,’ so to speak.”

Roman didn’t want to be dramatic or anything (hah) but he was pretty sure Logan was trying to kill him. “I haven’t the faintest idea how I could begin to thank you.”

“That’s just fine,” Logan reassured him. “I wouldn’t want you to, anyway.”

Roman laughed under his breath and gently moved away from Logan’s hold. He wiped at the tears that lingered on his eyelashes. “Well, it seems I have more free time than I thought I would. Have you got anything else up your sleeves?”

“Seeing as this garment lacks the necessary amount of fabric to do so, no. However, I did have something in mind that I believe you would enjoy participating in?”

“Lead the way, my star.”

After giving Roman some time to freshen up and change, they left his room, snacking on their cinnamon rolls and milk as they walked. It was still early, not yet noon, and Roman appreciated the peaceful atmosphere more than he thought he would. Normally, there would be music playing, or the television on as background noise in the living room, or the kitchen full of clanging utensils. This was pleasant. Having Logan with him made it all the better.

Eventually, Logan paused at the door between his and Patton's rooms. It was decorated with stickers, paint, glitter, buttons — any and all crafts that would fit basically, for that's exactly what was on the other side. Simply called the Crafts room, it was a creative space available for anyone to use however they pleased. Roman most often honed his vocal talents but he knew that Virgil liked to paint murals on the walls. When Logan led the way inside, the room transformed to match his vision. Warm sunlight spilled in from multiple windows. There was a rolling cart filled with every color of paint Roman could ever think of and more. There were a handful of easels, all holding various sizes of canvases. On the table in the center of the room was a stack of paper bound by ribbon, numerous pens, and a platter of snacks. Speakers set up in the corners of the room were already playing music.

"Will this suffice?" Logan asked, breaking Roman out of his daze.

"Suffice… Moonbeam, this is wonderful! And that smell… Is it—?"

"Jasmine to produce feelings of confidence and Eucalyptus to boost creativity."

“Well, they certainly are doing the trick!” Roman exclaimed, skipping fully into the room. He darted for the nearest easel, grabbing the handle on the cart as he did and pulling it over with him. His head was already full of ideas, sprawling landscapes and detailed portraits and, and, and!

The next hour passed in comfortable silence. They did, occasionally, duet along to various Broadway or Disney love songs that came through on their playlist. Sometimes, they dissolved into giggles afterwards, or they’d pause in their work to send each other sappy smiles. Sure, Roman was immensely curious about what Logan was working on, but he knew best what an awful thing it was to be interrupted while spending time with one's muse and motivation. Besides, he wasn't sure he could find a moment to pause in his own projects even if he wanted to. He moved from canvas to canvas smoothly, a new creation springing to mind the second he finished the last. There was an open expanse of night sky, stars dotted in yellow, blue, and red; a portrait of the lovely Valerie, dressed up and imagined as one of Roman's fellow knights; some abstract thing that was only recognizable from upside down and depended on the viewer having seen Parks and Rec at least two and a half times.

Eventually, though, his energy waned, and he set down his paintbrushes to take a break. He dropped a kiss to the top of Logan's head as he stepped by before taking a seat at the table, and reaching for the snacks. He went for a bagel but appreciated the variety of fruits and veggies, too. A few minutes later, Logan looked up from his work. He looked satisfied.

“All done?” Roman asked, interest piqued once more.

“Yes. Thank you for your patience.”

“Oh. Lo, that’s nothing you need to thank me for. This was really nice. Honestly, I didn’t realize how badly I needed it.”

Logan leaned closer, startling Roman when he kissed him quickly on the nose. Logan licked his lips after, smirking. “You had a bit of cream cheese…”

Roman made a sound akin to a tea kettle whistling.

Wasting no time, Logan stood and positioned himself in front of one of the windows. He looked as handsome as ever, silhouetted by the sunlight. He seemed relaxed and confident and Roman quite suddenly began to worry about his well being again.

He squinted at the brightest star in his sky. “... What are you up to?”

Logan cleared his throat. And began to sing.

It felt like the floor gave out underneath Roman. He might as well have no longer been tethered to his body. It was a miracle he stayed present enough to continue listening; he assumed it had something to do with knowing that missing even a millisecond of this would be the biggest regret he could make. Not only was Logan singing, completely of his own volition, he was singing about Roman. Lines about his bravery and his recklessness, his confidence and his ego, his creations and his work ethic. It was balanced, neither too praising nor too harsh. There was mention of how much love he carried, of how he deserved to receive as much as he gave, of how there was magic at his fingertips.

By the time Logan finished, Roman was outright sobbing. It wasn’t fair, how someone he loved so much, so so much, could make something so beautiful and heartfelt for him. How was he ever supposed to return the favor? When Logan pulled him up and out of the chair, he fell easily into his arms and tried to quiet his weeping.

“I would apologize for making you cry but that would be apologizing for the things I said, which I cannot do. I mean every word. My life is better with you in it. You inspire us all to be our very best and that is so admirable. Happy birthday, your highness.”

“Stop, stop,” Roman argued weakly, pouting up at Logan. “You’re killing me. You’re so cruel.”

Logan smiled down at him. He took a handkerchief from his breast pocket and patted Roman’s face dry. “I suppose you’ll do something about it?”

“Yes,” Roman answered vehemently. “Your punishment is to be trapped in a pillow prison. A blanket barricade. Confined by cuddles.”

“Oh no. That final one might be the worst sentence of them all.”

Roman pressed a kiss to Logan’s jawline before firmly grabbing his hands. “I’ll have to stay and make sure you don’t escape, of course.” He began to pull Logan out of the room, cheeks starting to hurt from his wide smile.

“Of course,” Logan agreed, in a tone so gentle, it should have been impossible.

Perhaps Roman kept this thief of his heart wrapped up extra tight and snug in his arms, but that wasn’t really anybody else’s business, now was it?

#sanders sides fan fiction #logince #logince fan fiction #roman sanders #logan sanders #gifts for roman's bday #dani writes

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shiyoneko · 3 years

Text

[TL Summary] Kageyama Shien 100K Celebration Stream (4/10/2021)

ranslation Summary of Kageyama Shien’s 10 Hours Stream To Celebrate His 100K. Mostly covering his chit chat parts, scene that I myself find interesting, and marshmallow reading. Do remember since it’s a translation summary, there will be spoilers of game results and such! For those who haven’t watched the stream, I recommend watching it~

[100K Celebration!] The Unexpected 10 Plans! I’ll Be Playing For 10 Hours Straight! [Kageyama Shien/Holostars]

Congrats on reaching 100K subscribers, Shien!

The long 10 hours stream started with opening chit-chat

・He first greets the chat with his usual Mission Start! He said he’s been waking up at a healthy time for this stream so despite being a bit sleepy, he said he had a good sleep.

・Mentioned how it’s been a while (about 4 days) since he did a stream on his own channel, since he had to cancel Toraware no Palma for health reason.

・Mentioned why he planned on doing 10 hours stream in the first place. Thinking about wanting to do something different for his 100K celebration stream, he thought doing 10 hours challenge would be fitting and at first thought of doing 2 hours for each game until it reached 10 hours. But after reviewing all the games he had played, he conclude that he could do 10 games for 10 hours.

・Already predicting how it’ll surely be difficult to achieve each game’s goal and named some games that’ll took up time like Monster Hunter, APEX, and Fall Guys.

・He said there might changes for the games’ goal or how to achieve it depends on his circumstances during the stream –for he is the rule breaker. Also mentioned the time schedule on the stream description:

10:00 ~ 11:00 JST :　OP Chit and Chat 11:00 ~ 12:00 JST :　Viewer Participation: Mario Kart (Will get punishment if ranked 10th or below) 12:00 ~ 13:00 JST :　Viewer Participation: Clubhouse Games 13:00 ~ 14:00 JST :　APEX Legends (10 Kill within 1 hour) 14:00 ~ 15:00 JST :　Fall Guys (Get a crown within 1 hour) 15:00 ~ 16:00 JST :　Minecraft (Get 10 diamonds in 1 hour) 16:00 ~ 17:00 JST :　Viewer Participation: Monster Hunter (Get a Purple Magna Orba within 1 hour) 17:00 ~ 18:00 JST :　Uma Musume (Win URA Finals within 1 hour) 18:00 ~ 19:30 JST :　Marshmallow reading 19:30 ~ 20:00 JST :　Sing

・Hanayura Kanon came and congratulated him for 100K, and also cheered him for the upcoming 10 hours battle

・Mentioned he’ll very likely skip the dialogues in order to finish in time for URA Finals (Uma Musume)

・Chat asked for live stream tag, wondering if it’ll be enough just to tweet about it in his usual stream tag #エンエアー (En・ea~) or if the fans preferred a special tag for the stream. A chat recommended #テンエアー (Ten・ea~) which made him really hesitate, but he decided to use #エンエアー(En・ea~) in the end.

・Remembered that he hasn’t brought the goods he’ll use for punishment so he goes and took it. (made Nekoayama watching over the chat) Turns out it was a toy that you need to put your finger into one of the 6 holes available and spin the roulette, and at 1:6 chances you’ll randomly get electrocuted. Looks like it cost a lot of batteries so he goes to get another one. (made Nekoyama watch over the chat again and Nekoyama got red SCs). Shien came back and tested the toy, it lets out a scary sound.

・Eating Time! And he brought an unexpected item: Canned coffee! (Shien is weak to caffeine in general and a small amount of it could make him awoke for a whole day) But he said it’s okay to drink it in the morning.

・Greeted a new viewer and apologized for talking and eating during stream. He 20% regrets doing it

・Another new comer said they like his voice, Shien was eating so he couldn’t give fan services so he turned on the echo and keeps eating.

・ Mentioned how set meals usually have the drinks of either coffee or tea, but he can’t drink both or else he wouldn’t be able to sleep so he thought it’s a such a waste that he couldn’t drink it. Tho he had received many non-caffeine tea from his fans during his birthday so he’s grateful for it.

・One hour had passed so he prepared his switch for Mario Kart

・After some technical difficulties with Switch, he finally able to open the game. He also mentioned about his PC’s condition lately which has been pretty good, but in case it happened he told us beforehand that it might died suddenly and pray it’ll never happened.

・ The first round starts and Shien praised those that came in while wearing purple suits. Also noticed a player that dressed their character similar to that of Silence Suzuka (Uma Musume). And the first game ends with him in 6th place, so electrocution avoided!

・Second round will start and he noticed a player dressing up their character as Haru Urara (Uma Musume), and… his Switch crashed. He’s able to get back. During the map selection, Haru Urara picked a theme park map and the game chose it in the end and Shien said it’s like a Go Out event with Urara. And he mentioned he had recently took her to URA Finals. …This his controller didn’t responded, and connection error happened. Looks like this is the first time he received such error. The match ended with him being the last. But since it’s an error out of his command, he didn’t count this one. A comment told him that Urara won first place in that race.

・Third round started with no particular error and he ranked 7th.

・Fourth round started with no particular error. He noticed a player dressed their character as Special Week (Uma Musume). Mid-game, he thought being 10th or lower for the punishment is too hard for him to get so he changed it to “If he’s unable to place 1st in 1 hour, he’ll do the punishment.” The round ended with him being 2nd and Switch died right after. He then determines to take it for repair and told us he won’t stream Switch games next week.

・He got into the room again and fifth round started. He noticed a player name theirself “50K Red SC” and said it’s interesting to race with a red SC. He won 1st place.

・Sixth round started and he noticed a player with character similar to Toukai Teio (Uma Musume). Mid-game, he said since he had took first place, he returned rule to it’s previous state; Get punishment if he can’t place 9th place or higher. He placed 8th.

・Seventh round started and he noticed a player with character similar to Biwa Hayahide (Uma Musume) and a player named “Holostars 4th Gens”. He placed 9th .

・Eight round started and he noticed a player with character similar to Gold Ship (Uma Musume). He placed 11th this time ＾＾

・Ninth round started and he noticed two players with each character similar to Twin Turbo and Mejiro Mcquuen (Both from Uma Musume) and Mejiro Mcqueen’s player name is “For The Honor of Mejiro Family”. He placed 8th.

・Mario Kart section is over and it’s punishment time! Enjoy his reaction

・The next game is Clubhouse Games and he decided to get punishment every time he loses. Tho there aren’t much to translate here, there are many interesting scenes so I highly encourage you to watch the archive!

・The next game is APEX and 1 hour 10 kill challenge.

・In the middle of the game, his party ended up with only 2 people. But even with such situation, his teammate didn’t quit the game and keep on fighting with him, which Shien said is very admirable since if he got two-people team, the other one will usually just leave the match and leave him alone.

・Unable to find any enemy, at one point Shien found a counter and start playing Receptionist, which his teammate catch up and both starts squatting together ww

・He scored a total of 4 kills and decided to take 6 times electrocution. He got electrocuted 2 times.

・The next game should be Fall Guys, but due to technical difficulties, he can’t open the game. And his PC died… Since he’s also getting hungry, he decided to change it to lunch time. While he go grab his food of bread and hashed beef rice, Nekoyama took over watching the chat and again received lots of SCs giving him food.

・While eating, he mentioned the Hololive collab with Sanrio characters. Some times back, he had talked about how he want Holostars to collab with Sanrio characters and started to thought of characters for each members. He said at that time, he wasn’t trying to hint of Hololive’s Sanrio collab or anything and also as oblivious of it as other fans, and it was a surprising coincidence.

・Chat mentioned that tomorrow (4/11) there will be Oukashou horse race and Shien said there are so many horse racing going on this month. Thanks to that too, the mission in Uma Musume has been added more.

・Continuing the talk about Uma Musume, he asked the chat who should he raise for the Uma Musume part. He said he hasn’t brought Teio to URA Finals yet. And he doesn’t have Rice Shower yet. Chat suggested Silence Suzuka, Gold Ship, and Oguri Cap. Shien commented that he just recently got Oguri Cap but is able to tell that she’s really strong.

・He goes to clean up his dishes. Nekoyama once again received many SCs.

・When he came back, he mentioned how there’s someone who posted a photo of their own creation of Mafiayaki –The dish he made with Oga in Himashokudou collab the other day. The poster said their kids also like it and hearing that makes Shien happy.

・His drowsiness came and he’s worried about the next part, which is Minecraft. A chat suggested him to scream some lines during the playthrough and Shien tried it with a loud “NOOO MY DIAMOND…!!”

・Hearing Diamond lately has instead reminded him of the new support card Kitachan Black and Satono Diamond. A chat mentioned how Satono Diamond’s name could be abbreviated to SatoImo and it reminds Shien of how the title of light novels could also be abbreviated the same way.

・Chat told him some light novel title like Oregairu (Yahari Ore no Seishun LoveCome wa Machigatteiru) and Yorimoi (Sora Yori mo Tooi Basho). He told a story of how in Niconico there are times where a series title was abbreviated by fans and when the management lets out the official abbreviation of the series, it tends to cause confusion especially if the fans did it first.

・A chat mentioned the kanji for Sora in Sora Yori mo Tooi Basho (宇宙よりも遠い場所) uses the kanji for Uchuu (宇宙) but it should be read as Sora, and the same goes for Kara no Kyoukai (空の境界) where even tho the spelling uses Kara, the kanji they used is Sora(空) and it’s complicated and Shien agreed.

・Shien saw Astel that tweeted about his 10 hour stream by saying “10 hours?!! That’s crazy!!” and mentioned how for Astel, 10 hours stream is the norm for him, and he commented that Astel is indeed an alien with incredible physical endurance.

・A chat asked who else in Holostars that does long streams and mentioned Astel for a usual long time of streams. Mentioned Rikka for endurance stream, and mentioned Roberu for 24 hours talking stream. And despite not doing much of it, Temma and Miyabi also occasionally did long streams. Chat mentioned how Temma and Miyabi did Planet Zoo for a long time, and Shien mentioned how Temma named one of the animals with his name.

・Chat mentioned they want to see Babudon endurance stream. Shien also wants it but lately Roberu has been busy. Chat mentioned they also want to see MaFia endurance stream and Shien wondered if Guilty Gear will releases more stuff in the future.

・A chat asked about the TRPG collab, and Shien mentioned it’ll be on May 15th and 16th.

・Mentioned how Yurustars had been digging for a lot of diamonds in Minecraft a while back to make the star for giant Christmas tree, and wondered if there’s still diamond left for him to dig. He’s thinking of whether making a new world to dig.

・It’s time for Minecraft and while opening the game, he told us something happened to the aforementioned giant Christmas tree. He showed us that something blew up at the tree’s terrace, destroying it and the leaves around it.

・He changed the BGM so he wouldn’t feel sleepy. He put a really funky BGM while saying “Alright, let us dig diamond with this calm BGM! This BGM will surely makes us sleepy! Now let’s grab our equipment! Let’s bring this pickaxe named “Pacifier” prepared by Astel for us! …This BGM is loud! Who turned this BGM on!” and he turned it off and changed it to one of his usual stream BGM.

・He instantly got 6 diamonds and will only need to search for the remaining 4.

・After some digging with no diamonds in sight, he said most of the game he was playing for that day requires a good amount of luck to complete. He mentioned how he always got weird luck.

・Miyabi came to congratulate him reaching 100K and said he’ll treat Shien parfait next time. Shien accepts the offer and said he would like parfaits from Ginza Parlour.

・Upon seeing two creeper separated by lava, he created a drama scenario of the two being separated twins and how the other one wanted to go to his place but the other one stopped them from going, dramatically.

・He found the remaining 4 diamonds, got swarmed by monsters on the way home, and with that Minecraft 10 diamonds challenge is finished!

・The next one is Viewer Participation Monster Hunter. The target is to get one Purple Magna Orb from a monster named Magnamalo. His Switch died a lot here..

・In the end, he got the drop item at the very last battle! He said that it was his first time obtaining it and he never once got it when he was playing solo. There are those that didn’t get to play with him because of his switch error and he apologized, and when he decided to do viewer participation again he’ll be happy if they can participate again and play with him.

・After a short toilet break, he set the Uma Musume game to stream and asking chat once again to choose who to raise. He showed all the Uma Musume he got.

・ A chat asked about his team formation and he showed it.

・Since Oukashou will be held the day after (4/11), he would like to raise a horse that has a history of running on the previous Oukashou horse race, and was wondering between choosing Daiwa Scarlet or Gold Ship. In the end, he choose Daiwa Scarlet.

・Borrowed Roberu’s Kitachan Black support card.

・And with that, the challenge to URA Finals had begun. He mentioned he’s been using a Support Card Dialog Checker, an app to see what effect will certain selection dialogue in each support card brought.

・During debut race, Shien mentioned about how every time a player train a horse, at first they will always only have 1 fans, and that’s the trainer. Shien liked the idea of having the trainer as the horses very first fans.

・In the end, despite late on leaving the gate, Daiwa Scarlet won marvelously in URA Finals.

・Time for Umapyoi! Umapyoi! ＾o＾)9 I strongly recommend watching his archive to see him hyping for Umapyoi Densetsu. Just do it, it’s gold.

・He realized it’s been 8 hours already. Chat asked about his throat condition. Shien answered his throat is getting tired, but he can still going.

・The next is Marshmallow Reading~

・The first mallow wrote their message of congratulations and happiness of able to see Shien’s growth from his very early day up till 100K and conveyed their wishes of Shien’s future activity. The mallow question is: Since Jojo will get a part 6: Stone Ocean anime soon, they wondered what Stand does Shien like?

Shien answered with Sticky Fingers. Aside from it’s cool appearance, Sticky Fingers Stand user is Bruno Bucciarati who is voiced by Takahiro Sakurai.

・The next mallow asked whether Shien doesn’t mind to be called Shien-kun. Everyone called Shien as Boss, but the sender wanted to call him Shien-kun but is worried and ended up calling him Shiepi.

Shien answered it’s okay to call him either Boss, Shien-kun, or Shiepi. It’s fine to either use シエンくん or シエン君 either.

・The next mallow’s sender has a hobby of taking care of their nails. Upon doing so, the mallow sender wondered about what does Shien’s nail looks like. The sender asked if it’s okay for fans to imagine what does his nail looks like and put in fanarts and such.

Shien answered with how when his Mamu (his illustrator, Namakawa) draw his New Year costume, they draw it with his gloves off and it showed his bare hand with the nail only a bit longer. He claimed when Mamu was designing the costume, he cut the nail off ww

He said it’s okay for fans to draw his nails much more longer than that.

・The next mallow asked what kind of clothes he wear when he sleeps.

Shien answered with the Jerapique robe that Oga gave to him for his birthday, and not a pajama.

・The next mallow asked Shien to explain his feeling upon reaching 100K subs in just three letters (words, for English convenience)

Shien:感無量（Brimming・With・Emotion）

・The next mallow asked: Does he likes chocomint?

Shien answered that he’s neutral about it. He doesn’t hate it but he doesn’t eat it as much as those who likes it. He adds that whenever he goes to Baskin Robbins he’ll always order the Caramel Ribbon flavor.

・The next mallow asked whether he’s the type of streamer who remembers his fans or not.

Shien answered that there’s probably no fans he doesn’t remember, since he looks at live chat a lot. On the other hand, he would like if fans who realized they are recognized by him and start sending him annoying replies to stop that since its troubling him. He also remembers those that told their YT name when doing Oshafest, and also those that draw him fanarts, and those that always commented on his stream or throwed him SCs and the likes, he remembered them and tries to remembers them.

・The next mallow asked what does SSB stands for.

Shien answered with Shien Secret Base, and directs them to his Membership Opening stream archive.

・The next mallow asked him what is the memory that he can’t forget until now.

Shien answered with how when he was little, around middle school, he was going out to ski in one of the ski slope. For that, he needs to ride a lift and there he had a chit-chat about Pokemon with a stranger that sit beside him. He still befriends that person and still in contact with them even until now. Other unforgettable memories are those that are accidental, like the time where he accidentally broke his chin (?!). There are other similar stories but he stopped with just that for now. Another unforgettable memories for him is the time where he and some of his friend was on a train, standing. Suddenly his friends started laughing at him for no particular reason. After they got off, Shien asked them why did they laugh back then and they told him that there was a man who starred and sniffed him from behind his back. Shien was surprised and yelled at them for not telling it to him sooner. In the end, the man didn’t do anything tho, otherwise he noticed by then too.

・The next mallow’s sender was having so much fun when Shien last time did a viewer participation Splatoon stream and asked him to do the same with Mario Kart

Shien answered that he just did it during this stream and will do it again in the future.

・The next mallow’s sender is a fans of voice actors and upon hearing Shien’s voice tweet that got RT-ed by his followers, they instantly thought it was a really great and praised Shien’s voice impression of Takahiro Sakurai by saying it really sounds like him and they ended up RT-ing the voice tweet as well. That’s all the sender has reported! They will continue to support Shien from now on too.

Shien: Thank you… Thank you… Im really hyappi. I wonder what voice impression they would like.

And he mentioned that he recently uploaded his voice impression of Yugi singing Umapyoi. While also feeling happy that he was being found, he also slightly embarrassed.

・The next mallow mentioned how in yesterday’s stream (Miyabi’s QnA marshmallow), Miyabi mentioned that Shien is fashionable and knows what clothes best fits him, so the sender is curious on what kind of plain clothes he usually wear, and whether he wear any accessories?

Shien answered that he likes Uniqlo brand and tends to wear simple clothes. For accessories, he sometimes wear necklace and wristwatch and tends to wear them on summer. Mentioned how Miyabi always glaring at his shoes when he goes out with him the other day and said that the shoe Miyabi was looking at was the shoe gifted to him by subordinates on his birthday. It was white and purple and he likes it very much. He added that he usually wear PC glasses when streaming and gaming.

・His throat got tired so he read the next mallow in a low tone voice. The mallow asked, what will he do if he has infinite time and money.

Shien answered that he wants to do world travel and goes to lots of places he doesn’t know, especially with him coming from a Beast world. If he can, he would like to go on a space trip too. After he finished that, he would like to continue his life doing nothing. He added that he would like to borrow a large dome and have Holostars-only event there.

・Realized that it’s easier to just talk normally so he read the next mallow with his usual voice. This mallow would like to see his no-archive Vocaloid only singing stream.

Shien said he always wanted to do one, and not only just Vocaloid songs, but also Disney songs too.

・The next mallow wrote their heartfelt congratulation for his accomplishment of reaching 100K. Shien had made their life happy and is grateful for him and asked whether he also felt happiness on doing his activity. They will always follow him from now on too. Btw they asked for the color of Shien’s pan peace (草)

Shien asked what the sender will do for him to make him say the color. For it, they need a payment. If they couldn’t do that, he won’t answer it.

・The next mallow wondered about Nekoyama and the minions’ back, and specifically wondered whether Koyama has a tail or nor.

Shien answered that Koyama doesn’t have a tail and only a black fur on their back. Nakayama has one and Nekoyama has a tail too. He showed the three of them on screen and start describing Koyama as the one that wears a pacifier, Nakayama is the one who had the tail, and Nekoyama as the one who had a purple ribbon. Nekoyama’s tail is fairly small.

・The next mallow asked about books he likes.

He assumed it as novels and/or comics. He mentioned a book titled “Melancholy of Mickey Mouse”, a fiction novel that describes the “backstage” of a huge theme park. Also mentioned Fate/Prototype: Fragments of Sky Silver.

・The next mallow’s sender conveyed how they liked the tweet where Shien points out his favorite part of his new year costume, like the waist part that showed his body line, and his glasses, and his bangs, and his forehead, and his ponytail, and others.

Shien responded by showing all the points above again. He showed his feet on a big scale and started stomping it while saying “That day, humanity received a grim reminder…” and congratulate Attack on Titan’s final chapter. Zoomed his face and starts eating the chat (mogumogu).

・The next mallow… is a congratulation message with e-mail format… www

・The next mallow conveyed how the sender at first looks at Shien as a cool person, but over time it changed more into cute and wondered if Shien doesn’t like it if people calls him cute. And asked for words that he doesn’t want fans to say, if there’s any.

Shien answered that he’s doesn’t mind being called cute, since he actively acts cute consciously himself. He mentioned people has rights to say what they wanted. Tho as a man, he also wants to look cool too. As for the things he doesn’t want fans to say, for now there aren’t any. Usually, if he doesn’t like something being sad, he always says it at that moment too. As to why he could honestly say what he doesn’t like on stream, it’s because his subordinates always listen to him. He explained it’s not “he likes the subordinates for obeying his words” but rather “he likes subordinates for properly hearing him out”

・The next mallow asked about the parts of him that he likes himself, or parts he wants to improve in the future.

Shien quickly answered with Face・Voice. He also likes the part where he freely expressed what he likes. As for parts he wants to improve, it’s his singing. He mentioned Izuru suggested him to hear the recitations about song, and he’s using that as reference. The reference is filled with knowledge about intervals and how to properly let out voices and such. He also mentioned how he were amazed by Izuru’s Aishite Aishite cover.

・The next mallow asked about his favorite manga.

Shien answered with Yotsubato!, Gash Bell, YAIBA (written by Conan’s author, Aoyama Gosho), Black Jack, Hinotori, Otome Youkai Zakuro, Houseki no Kuni, Teichi no Kuni, Bleach, Kono Oto Tomare!, and others. He also likes reading doujin and mentioned the high-quality doujinshi made Holostars Mama and Papa (Illustrators) as well as his own Mamu’s creation. Despite knowing a wide variety of mangas, he mentioned that he hasn’t picked up HunterxHunter, Ueki no Housoku, and Rekka no Honoo yet. He stopped here since the talk will be infinite at this rate ww

・The next mallow sender is someone who just got into Holostars and asked who is currently the hottest (in terms of popularity) in Holostars so they can made them their oshi.

Shien answered with “KAGEYAMA SHIEN.” He mentioned how all Holostars members are also on their peak with Izuru reaching 100K, Astel’s Envy Baby reaching 100 thousand replays, and other accomplishments. He also said that Holostars in a whole is raising up in popularity as of now, so it’s a good idea to support them all now!

・The next mallow asked Shien to share a bit of his story from childhood.

Shien answered with how there’s a time where he got taken by his friend into a sunflower field. Shien then saluted the field before they enter, and when his friend asked why he do that, Shien answered “I’m on a patrol.” (Cute) Chat mentioned the Pokemon underwear and he starts re-telling his experience of wearing pokemon shorts while biking around town, unaware that it’s actually an underwear. He re-tells another story when he watched a Pingu episode where Pingu chew spinach and spit it into a toilet with a straw and thought “If Pingu can do that then so can I!” So he chewed the spinach in front of him and spit it out, and then his Mama got so mad at him and sent him outside the house as punishment. From then on, even if he doesn’t like spinach, he’s forced to eat all of it and now has able to overcome it somehow. Shien described his mom as quite a Sparta, not letting him waste a single food on the plate and ate it all. He still watched Pingu from then on.

・The next mallow asked whether he could revive the fallen Tsueso APEX archive he did on April Fools.

Shien answered that he initially would like to leave the archive stay an entire day of April Fools, just like how games did with April Fools event. But there are things that he couldn’t left it on the screen as it is, so this time, he apologized that he can’t revive the archive anymore. Next year if he does another April Fool stream, he’ll let it live for a day and then erase it when clock hits April 2nd . Tho he don’t know if he’ll bring Tsueso again or not. He told subordinates to keep Tsueso close to their heart, and suddenly Tsueso hijacked the stream and said “Everyone, don’t forget me~ Lets meet again~!!”

・The next mallow asked him if he preferred pants or skirt (for girls to wear)

Shien answered that he would like skirt more, but he also likes hot pants. When asked long or mini skirt, he answered with the long one and would also prefer long skirt maid outfit than a mini skirt one. Chat asked about tight skirt and said he likes it too. But for Shieko, he insisted that she should wear mini skirt since she’s a gal.

・The next mallow’s sender is having difficulties on uploading their fanarts on Twitter, and wondered if he could still see it if they uploaded the art on pixiv

Shien answered that if they post a tweet with the pixiv link on it. Tho with that, the sender wouldn’t know if Shien had properly saw it or not, but if they’re fine with that Shien let them post their art however they want. He wondered if the sender doesn’t like getting RT-ed instead. Connecting the talk, he told about how he personally won’t RT fanarts that depicts him as the opposite gender. For such posts, even if it were tagged in his illustration tag and he saw them and liked them, he won’t RT them. It’s a matter of culture differences, and it’s only for him and there might be different opinions depends on the streamer.

・The next mallow came from an overseas fans and he tried looking up words to replied it, and then remembered that he didn’t asked it before (in his previous English learning stream). He praised overseas fans that went out of their way to translate their mallows themselves using DeepL and such.

・He mentioned that there are still many more mallows he wants to read so he extend the mallow reading time.

・The next mallow asking whether he’ll do a cooking stream.

Shien answered that he’s trying to find a way to do it. He needs a super long cable that connects his kitchen with his streaming room or else we won’t be able to hear him.

・The next mallow: HUG&RELEASE with LOVE&KISS for Shiepippi

Shien: *reads it with echo* …Okay, can I go on to the next one now?

・The next mallow asked about the name of the little cats he has on his shoulder.

Shien named Nekoyama, Koyama, and Nakayama by the order we see on the screen.

・The next mallow’s sender recommended him to sing Yuuki 100% during Shien’s singing stream back in February, and it happened to be a day just before the national pharmacist exam that the sender will be having, and Shien picked up their comment and sang it. It gave them courage for the exam and now reported that they had successfully passed the exam, and thanked Shien for giving them the strength they needed.

Shien congratulate them and said it was a really great feat. He’s so happy that he could boast this to others that one of his fans passed the national exam

・The next mallow is from a new fans, asking if he can play any musical instrument, and asked is there any special rule that fans need to keep when he streams.

Shien answered by ringing his New Type. For the serious answer, he couldn’t play any particular musical instrument and said he would like to learn how to play drums. Also mentioned that during his birthday, he got 3 kalimbas and don’t know what he should do with it. He thought it’ll also be cool to be able to play guitar and piano, he looked up to Sing and chat streams. He also mentioned Anpanman’s tambourine and castanet, but his castanet was missing. Chat mentioned triangle but he couldn’t play it on streams or else his mic will get weird again (because of the high frequency sound)

・The next mallow asked: Which do you like more, Roberu or your subordinates.

Shien: …………..BOTH.

He thought of it as a cruel mallow because no way he can pick just one of the two. Tho, he mentioned that the lines of his love to Roberu and to his subordinates are two different lines. He leaned more towards subordinates for they know him much more.

・tskr

・The next mallow asked him about his favorite color.

Before Shien answered the mallow, a red SC came to bless him for his sneeze and Shien thought red SC sneeze is just an urban legend but he’s getting it right now. Continuing one, he answered with purple, black, white, blue, and green. He mentioned that he usually wear blue shirts for his usual wear.

・The next mallow’s sender had their previous mallow about not being able to draw manga good got answered by Shien, and thanks to his advices they can now draw something great. They conveyed their congratulations message and their hope for his future activities.

Shien congratulated them and said that everyone could get a slump sometimes, even him, and it’s okay to feel like that. Shien said he’s happy to receive report mallow like this that said they had cheered up or achieved something, and would like to see more of it.

・The next mallow asked what dog breed he likes.

Shien answered that he likes dogs with short feets like Corgi. And he really likes Shiba Inu. He mentioned that he saw a video that tells how hard it is to keep a clever dog. The cleverer the dogs are, the more they are more sensitive to changes. He also likes big dogs like Golden Retriever and Siberian Husky. When chat mentioned Chihuahua, he said he’s particularly neutral with small dogs, but he likes Pomeranian.

・The next mallow’s sender couldn’t get themselves to listen to Shien’s voice pack. Despite already buying them, they already imagined what kind of cool voice waiting for them there and will get embarrassed first. They asked how they could get some courage to listen to it.

Shien was surprised they haven’t heard it yet and asked them to listen to it. He worked so hard to write the scenario himself. Chat also agreed with the mallow, saying they all need to prepare their heart before they listen to it. Shien encouraged them that their heart won’t get throbbed all suddenly like what they had imagined, and it’s not he will kill them instantly. In the end, he said it’s okay to not force themselves to hear it but if they didn’t, it’ll be a waste.

・The next mallow asked from where did he starts liking Takahiro Sakurai.

Shien answered the he first know of Takahiro Sakurai from his role of Kururugi Suzaku in Code Geass, and then starts listening to his drama CD of “Teiden Shoujo to Hanemushi no Orchestra” and became a fans from there on. If he need to list his top three of Takahiro Sakurai’s role, it’ll be: Makishima Shougo (Psycho-Pass), Ray Lundgren (Gun x Sword), and Shimogamo Yasaburou (Uchouten Kazoku), but he added that he likes more roles other than what he mentioned and couldn’t just pick a few of it. He mentioned that he also likes Cloud and Merlin, but to him personally, judging from Sakurai’s voice and acting, he likes the top three more.

Connecting the talk about voice actors, he mentioned Yoshimaya Hosoya had a role in one of the new legend card in Shadowverse

・The next mallow came from an overseas fans and asked when will he have another English-only stream.

Shien answered that he’ll consider it. He previously played Fall Guys in EN only, but for next time he wants to try something different.

・The next mallow mentioned how this year, the price of cabbage has been pretty cheap so they wanted to buy it but doesn’t know what will they make with it, So they asked Shien who is good at cooking for dish ideas.

Shien answered with pot-au-feu, since he tends to put lots of cabbage in it. Cabbage roll is good too, but it only use a bit of cabbage. Another dish he recommended is shredded cabbage and salted kombu with sesame oil and salt, and make it as a side dish. Chat suggested coleslaw but Shien said he doesn’t like it that much. Chat also mentioned cabbage with eggs

・The next mallow said they became Shien’s fans because of his talk about Kamen Rider and would like to hear more about the form he likes, or his favorite character or lines)

Shien answered that it’s depends on the series. If it’s Kamen Rider W, he likes FangJoker. If it’s Kamen Rider OOO, it’s Shauta and Tajador. If it’s Kamen Rider Drive, its Mach and Chaser. If it’s Axe-Aid, it’s Parad. If it’s Kamen Rider Build, he likes the Hazard Forms and said all of it are cool. Added more that he likes Heart Roidmude too in Drive. Mentioned that the series he likes OOO the most for the character bonding and development.

・The clock indicated that he had passed the 10 hours mark!

・Hanayura Kanon came again to congratulate him for reaching 10 years (eh? ww) stream. Shien played along and said that the 10 years felt so fleeting and he will work his best to continue his activity for 100 more years.

・He received many SCs and decided to sing for the last part. He’ll try his best to sing songs that doesn’t restrain his throat too much.

・Setlist:

-Started with his usual Devilman no Uta (Keizo Toda) -Mamoritai ~White Wishes~ (BoA) -READYMADE (Ado) -Gira Gira (Ado) -Sayonara Elegy (Masaki Suda)

・Connecting from the lyrics of Sayonara Elegy, he said it depicted his feelings of being happy with just us being beside him.

・He is really happy to have became one of Holostars and able to meet with so many subordinates. He then thanked us for spending 10 hours today with him, and also keep following him for almost a year.

・He also thanked the senpai of Holostars and Hololive that had helped him able to stand where he is right now.

・Mentioned TriNero, and recollecting the past 100K countdown stream where he said he would like to bring along the feelings of the members that couldn’t continue their journey together as Holostars, but he also told us that he doesn’t see it as a responsibility that binds him. Despite all the things happened, he wanted to be here because it’s fun. It’s thanks to all the people behind the screen, the members, and the subordinates that keep on supporting him that he’s able to be here, and he would like to always remember that.

・He wants to continue being in Holostars so that they could be seen in many more places, so many people can find and reach out to them more. He knows it’ll be very difficult to do.

・Just like how when he got an event offer from Argonavis and became a guest star there, he received words of thanks for participating. He participated because he like the series, but from there, he received new connections and many people found him and start becoming fans, and it made him very happy.

・He would like to keep showing his figure of having fun to his subordinates, just like how he showed his other side when playing Uma Musume earlier. He would like to show us more of his various sides. Tho, he’s aware that maybe amongst all the people there, some might find it weird and decided to take some distance away, and it’s okay for them to do so, it’s their choice. But he will work his best to entertain the subordinates who decided to stay. He also would like to show his cool sides. He’ll do activities in a way that won’t leave him with regrets, and will keep existing here as one of Holostars.

・He thanked us again for always following him, even to this 10 hours stream. Who knows that 10 hours will be his normal streaming time in the future, he’ll trust us to keep following him by then.

・He also thanked subordinates from overseas, from Japan, both girls and boys, those who watch his streams live and those who watch his streams from archive, he loves them all. His love is strong and heavy and told us to prepare for it. He said he won’t let go of his subordinates ever.

・He thanked us all again and said it was a really fun 10 hours stream, both for watching and/or sending SCs. He decided to read the remaining SCs that he hasn’t read in another chat stream.

・Please take care of Kageyama Shien and also Holostars from now on too.

・Reminded us to buy the White Day voice pack, the sale will last until 4/12.

・Also mentioned the Holostars “In Silence” collab in 4/11.

・Lastly, he thanked everyone again- From Shinove to Yagoo to other Holostars members, and also to his beloved subordinates.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆★ ★ ★

Thank you for reading and sticking with him for 10 hours! Good luck!

#kageyama shien

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amphtaminedreams · 3 years

Text

If We Can’t Have the Parties, At Least We Have the Coats: Lookbook no.13

Hi to anyone reading,

It’s been a weird winter, right?

A winter that I REALLY did not need to buy as many clothes for as I have. You WILL save loads of money during this lockdown, I told myself. You WILL. And yet here I am in December, in exactly the same financial position I was in March. You would think that making the switch to an environmentally friendly wardrobe would mean I own less but now I no longer have the guilt of supporting fast fashion to hold me back, I’ve accumulated more clothes than ever. Part of a sustainable wardrobe is also about reducing your consumption so now I’ve mostly made the move towards only supporting transparent companies/small businesses, I can move onto the buying less part. I haven’t thrown any clothes away but still, I am not the clothes rescuer I think I am-more just an overdraft abuser. To add to that, for those of us actually following the rules (half the people I went to secondary school with flaunting their apparently unaffected social lives on Instagram, I’m looking at you) there aren’t actually all that many opportunities to wear new outfits. Not to go too first world problems, but it is a little shit when getting dressed up and doing your makeup is one of the things that you do to help you feel a little better, especially when the seasonal (and situational in these times) depression kicks in.

So yes, I have been extra af recently and combatted this with the decision to start making an effort to outfit plan for the most basic of tasks. We’re talking a full face of makeup and accessories for going into town to get a coffee or to meet a friend for a walk. I mean, I still go to Tesco in my trackies but if I’m seeing somebody else, I am sure as hell going to treat it as a reason to wear something nice. See the winter outfits section of the lookbook as your inspiration to do the same because I can guarantee you the sense of normality forcing yourself to take makeup off at the end of the day brings will actually make you feel a lot better. Genuinely the mark of exceptional times. We’ve also got the few days relief period over Christmas in the UK where we’re allowed to mix with a maximum of 3 other households, and ignoring the fact that it doesn’t really make any sense given that the number of people you could end up mixing with depends on the size of the households and is realistically completely arbitrary (I have a lot of feelings about how fucking moronic half the decisions this government has been making are but then again, what’s new?), I’m sure those of you with big families are gonna be partying. I’m only spending Christmas with my immediate family but I thought I’d put some more festive outfits together anyway. I know, I know, it sounds like I’m just bullshitting an explanation as to why I put this lookbook together when in reality I’m trying to make myself feel better about the damage to my bank account buuuut it really is more a case of being inspired by my Depop finds and if you are trying to quit fast fashion, I can’t recommend the app enough (especially if you know what you’re looking for). As I did in the last lookbook, I will make sure to include the tags of all the people I bought these pieces from but I also thought it might be helpful to make a note of some of the descriptors I used to find them so you can get more of an idea how to find the things you’re looking for too, as well as prices. I did include the names of the shops I bought the few fast fashion items I styled from too, mostly earlier this year or at some point over the last couple of years, on the basis that they may be a useful search prompt if you’re looking for something similar or the exact item-the majority are no longer available (disclaimer: I haven’t bought anything from Boohoo in a longgg time) to buy but you might be able to find an account that’s selling a used version. Don’t be put off by that-I’ve had to wash a couple of pieces but for the most part, that hasn’t been necessary. Charity shops usually wash things before they put them out, so you have nothing to worry about there either-I expect that they’re particularly thorough at the moment considering the COVID crisis.

Enough rambling from me for now! Enjoy!

-(SOCIALLY DISTANCED) PARTY SZN LOOKS-

Powder Blue Wide Brim Felt Hat/Fedora: £16.99

Structured White Mesh Oh Polly Mini Dress w/Ruched Detail: £27

Black PVC Beret w/Red Flame Detail: £14

Red Fit and Flare Dress w/Satin Corset & Tulle Skirt: £12

Black PVC Vintage Platform Boots w/Red Flame Detail: £27

White Satin Corset w/Straps: £8

Pinstripe Cropped Blazer Co-ord Set: £12.50

Oh Mighty Strappy Contrast Corset: £27

Contrast Check Cigarette Trousers: £15

Pink Topshop Gingham Blazer Co-ord Set BNWT: £35

White Strappy Corset w/Suspender Detail: £10

White PVC Beret w/Black Flame Detail: £14

Reworked Strappy Patchwork Sports Cropped Tee: £10

Black Combat Cargo Trousers: £5

Strappy Tie-dye Pretty Little Thing Corset BNWT: £15

PVC/Vinyl Zip-up Mini Skirt w/Belt Detail: £9

White Satin Cowl Neck Mini Slip Dress: £8

Urban Outfitters ‘90s Style Celestial Print Mesh Babydoll Dress: £15

-(SOMETIMES PRACTICAL) COAT SZN LOOKS-

UNIF Colour Block Oversized Jumper/Sweater: £25

Topshop Dark Wash Denim Kick Flare Jeans w/Frayed Hem Detail: £16

Vintage ‘70s Style Brown Faux Suede Western Blazer/Jacket: £15

Black Velvet High Neck Bodysuit w/Keyhole Detail: £4

Topshop Paisley Print Chiffon Midi Dress: £15

Brandy Melville Cropped Motorcross Slogan Slogan Tee: £13.60

Ragged Priest Gingham Cargo/Combat Trousers w/Utility Style Buckle Detailing: £33

Black Kappa Logo Beanie: £12

White Platform FILA Disruptors in Good Condition: £55

Black Fur Bucket Hat: £8

Celestial Silver Moon Detail Chain Belt: £18

Black Satin Cowl Neck Detail Midi Slip Dress: £15

Floral Print Platform Boots: £10

Blue Denim ASOS High Rise Mom Jeans: £12

Brown Vintage ‘70s Style Afghan Coat w/Fur Trim: £25

Teal Wide Brim Felt Hat/Fedora: £10

Topshop Floral Print A-Line Jacquard Mini Skirt: £7

Lana Del Rey Screen Printed T-Shirt: £9.99

Vintage Corduroy Contrast Stripe Trousers w/Kick Flare: £28

Anyone that read to the end, thank you so much as always and I hope this shows just how many in-trend pieces you can find second hand! I know I'm SUPER far behind to the point where it’s closer to the F/W2021 shows now than it is since the S/S2021 collections were showcased but I decided I am going to do a full length fashion week review. I also have a few moodboards planned and my next is gonna be one focussing purely on plus sized fashion as the feedback that I got from my New Style Icons post was that I could have included more bigger girls; I am so, so, SO passionate about body positivity and fat acceptance, especially since I know my own relationship with my body would be so much better if this kind of movement was more prominent when I was younger, so I don’t for a minute want anyone to think it was my intention to be exclusionary in any way. It bears repeating that I genuinely appreciate feedback in any form (as long as it’s not too mean and presumptive, lol) and I hope the next post doesn’t disappoint! It hasn’t been a good year for cinema due to COVID having lead to theatre closures, however I still do want to do another film tier ranking in the new year as that is something I really enjoyed doing last time. Any more suggestions are welcome!

As always, my inbox is always open if you need someone to talk to or just wanna chat about a post:-) I am constantly on the look out for new blogs to follow and people to interact with so any communication is welcome. I’m not sure if I’ll get another post finished before we enter 2021, SO I wanna say that I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and that this shitshow of a year DOES come to an end at 11:59PM on the 31st because THOSE MEMES ABOUT IT TURNING DECEMBER THE 32ND ARE NOT FUNNY! Here’s to our second attempt at our first year of the roaring twenties (because this past year it feels like we skipped them and went straight to The Great Depression, the likely incoming recession denial is real) and to happier times and good health for everyone.

Lauren x

DISCLAIMER: Background in the first 2 images are mine, others are not. I found them on Pinterest so not sure of the artists but if you do know, drop me a message so I can credit them!

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mcwriting · 4 years

Text

starstruck (8)

Hellooooo... sorry I didn’t post this on Friday, I was super busy all day/night finishing up my summer college course + other stuff. I haven’t finished 9 yet so it should go up next week :)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Fandom: Tom Holland

Ship: Tom x reader

Setting: LA, Seoul

Word Count: 1964

Warnings: maybe some mild language idk

Rating: K+

__________________________________

Tom burst through the door of the hotel room being used as a lounge for his and his castmates’ teams while they did press.

He was late, and his management stood up as soon as they noticed him.

“Thomas! Where have you been? We’ve been calling all morning! This isn’t a good look,” his publicist started.

“Yeah we’ve been having to make excuses for over a half hour for you. Everyone else started interviews ten minutes ago. Let’s get you in there,” the manager continued.

“No,” Tom replied blankly.

“What?” they asked at the same time.

“I said no. I’m not doing things on your volition anymore. I’m tired of disappointing people and living a fake life just because you two have decided against the things I want to do. I’m sorry to do this right now, but you’re both fired.”

“You can’t be serious Tom. You know me! I’ve been with you for years!” his now ex-manager said.

“Yeah, come on. Who’s going to keep you relevant without me?” the former publicist asked.

“I think I’ll be able to manage just fine by myself, and if I want new help I’ll find someone better than both of you. You two have been jeopardizing my personal life for far too long in the name of fame and I can’t stand for it any longer. Harry will arrange for you two to get to your homes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go do my job.”

With that, Tom walked across the hall into the interview room, where he was met with a few cheers and the smiling faces of his costars.

__________________________________

“How are we gonna get her back to you?” Harrison asked late that night as everyone huddled around a table eating snacks. “I mean, I don’t think she’s going to come running back into your arms any time soon.”

The boys munched on chips and swigged Korean beer as they contemplated. Tom felt like a weight was off his shoulders now that he was free from his management.

“Doesn’t she have that friend? Maybe she could help us out.” Sam suggested.

“I don’t know, man. Y/n said she’s a huge fan. But they’re also best friends. Would she even be willing to let me near y/n? And if so, do you think she’d keep a secret that big?” Tom replied.

“It’s worth a shot, innit? Maybe she’d understand?” Harry thought aloud.

After some deliberation, the boys settled on sending b/f/n a dm through Harrison’s instagram to seem slightly less conspicuous in case you happened to notice her dms.

They didn’t expect an immediate reply. Midnight in Seoul was 8 am in LA, but luckily b/f/n had woken up early to work out since you were going to her house later that day.

The message asked her to help you and Tom reconnect and hopefully reconcile in person, and asked her to keep it a secret.

She was shocked to say the least, and unsure of whether to trust them after the hurt you’d experienced, but finally answered back after a few minutes.

Okay. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I know I can get her to this formal next Friday night if you can make it.

She sent a link to the page for the upcoming event. It was a fundraiser gala for people of all ages. The site said it was sold out, but Tom knew he could probably find a way in.

That’s perfect. All you need to do is get her there. And you absolutely cannot tell her any of this or the whole thing might be ruined

Oh believe me, I won’t. I honestly want this as much as you guys, she’s been super bummed still and I just want to see her happy again. I’ll try to get back to you with her dress color and stuff if you want to coordinate.

Perfect. We’ll be in touch.

The boys fistpumped and high fived as they planned out flights and scheduling and finding a way to get those tickets. Eventually, they retired to their respective hotel rooms, since Tom would have one last day of press before heading home.

__________________________________

Back in LA, b/f/n was now standing with you in her kitchen, watching you mix up some sauce for mac and cheese.

She leaned back against the counter as you stirred and added ingredients.

“Hey are you still going to the formal next Friday?” b/f/n asked.

“The what?” You didn’t look up.

“Remember? The big formal next week? All our friends are gonna be there.”

You thought about it for a second and then looked over at her as you turned off the stove burner.

“Oh my God. I totally forgot about that. I guess not since, 1: it’s probably sold out, and 2: I don’t have anything to wear.”

B/f/n smirked, turning to pick something up from behind her while you poured the sauce and pasta into a baking dish, topping it with breadcrumbs.

“Well I think I have the first thing covered…” she trailed, holding up two tickets.

“You didn’t,” you smiled, stepping away from the dish. “No way.”

“Yes, way. I figured you’d forgotten with everything going on and snagged one up, even though I was mad at you. Who else would I take as my date? It’s not like I have a boyfriend.”

You went up and hugged her.

“You are literally the best friend ever.”

“Yeah, I know,” she replied proudly.

“But I still don’t have a dress. I don’t even know where to start,” you worried aloud as you put the pasta in the oven.

“Well… I kind of maybe looked up places at the mall that have dresses I know you’d like.”

“Oh my gosh. Is that why you want to go to the mall so bad? I can’t tell if I love or hate you for that.”

“You know you love me. Now how long is that mac and cheese gonna be? My stomach is growling.”

__________________________________

After your pasta lunch, b/f/n and you drove to the mall, where she took you to 3 different dress shops. You were relieved to find that no one had followed you, as it seemed interest in you had diminished after everything you’d said.

“I’m getting the feeling I’m not gonna find anything I like. Maybe we should just give up,” you suggested after almost two hours of trying things on.

“Come on. There’s one more place at this mall and I saved it for last because there’s a dress I think you’ll really like.”

She drug you through the building and up an escalator until you finally came upon the shop. There were some really pretty dresses in the window display, so you felt a little bit less nervous when you walked in.

An employee asked if you needed help upon entering. B/f/n showed her a screenshot on her phone, and the lady immediately led you towards the back of the store. She pulled a black bag from the rack and hung it on another one near the dressing rooms.

“I think this is the one you’re looking for. Let me know if you need anything else,” she said, walking off.

“Okay, y/n. Close your eyes so I can unzip the bag. I want to surprise you.”

You did as told, putting a hand over your face for good measure. You heard the zipper and some rustling before b/f/n told you to look.

You opened your eyes to find a long, navy, satin dress staring right back at you.

“Whoa,” you whispered, going up to inspect it closely.

It was beautiful. It had a classic ball gown shape with a slit up the thigh and a beaded lace bodice. The neckline was in a deep V and the straps came up and over your shoulders. The back was low cut and a thin strip of silver beads circumvented the waistline.

“Sooo… what do you think?” b/f/n questioned.

“I- b/f/n. This is incredible.”

“Wanna try it on?”

You nodded enthusiastically and stepped into a dressing room with it. After a good minute of struggling through the inner tulle layers, you finally got it secure and was able to zip it yourself.

When you stepped out of the room and saw yourself in the mirror, you gasped.

“Y/n. You look amazing. What do you think?”

You didn’t answer her because you were too focused on how you looked to even process what she said.

“How are you ladies do- wow. That’s a gorgeous look on you,” the lady from before said as she came around the corner.

She helped adjust it a little, seeing whether it needed alterations or not.

“You’re in luck. This fits you like a glove. It does seem a bit long, but I’m assuming you’ll wear heels?”

You nodded, still speechless.

“So? This the one?” b/f/n asked.

“Yes. Absolutely yes,” you returned, beaming.

“I’ll go ring you up, then,” the employee said, leaving you to take off the dress and put your normal, boring clothes back on. You’d initially been saving up to buy a dress, and still had the funds since forgetting about it.

You and b/f/n hauled the dress bag around like your lives depended on it as you went on a search for matching shoes.

It took another half hour or so of walking around stores and trying on heels before you found a pair.

They were strappy and silver and the perfect height for your dress length. You couldn’t believe your luck.

__________________________________

Now that you’d finally gotten everything, you and b/f/n headed to your house so you could show your parents, who were by then off work.

Your dad was fixing himself a snack when you both came in the door, you wrangling the dress over your head and her carrying the shoe box.

“Woah, girls. Whatcha got there?” he asked.

“Just my dress for the fundraiser formal next Friday…”

“Oh yeah I forgot about that. I think your mom and I will be skipping out this year but I’m glad you’re getting to go.”

“I forgot too until b/f/n reminded me. I’ll go put it on here in a minute. Where’s mom?”

“She’s in the office. Why don’t you surprise her?” he suggested, so you did exactly that.

You quickly got the dress and shoes on (with b/f/n’s help) and tried to quietly come down the hall. It was difficult since your heels clacked, your dress swished, and you and b/f/n tried not to let out cackles.

You popped just your head in the office doorway.

“Hey mom. What are you up to?”

“Oh hey honey. I’m just filing some charts. I’m almost done. Why?” she replied, only looking up from the computer to initially address you.

“Well I just wanted you to see something. And by something, I mean this.”

You slid into full view, and your mother’s jaw dropped. B/f/n appeared in the doorway behind you.

“Sweetie, you look beautiful! Did you just get this today?” you nodded as she got up to look at the dress closer. “Is this for next week?”

“Yeah. B/f/n bought me tickets and then took me out to look at dresses today,” you slung an arm around her shoulder. “I basically have the best friend in the world.”

“Well I love it and I’m so excited to see you both dressed up together next week. I think this is the perfect symbol for new beginnings!”

With that you gave a “hear, hear!” in agreement.

__________________________________

Tag List: @marvel-lously, @jackiehollanderr, @one-big-fangirl, @dreamyvans, @lisannehus, @honeymoonpeter, @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven, @chenellearose, @photoshopart15, @parkeret, @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch, @racewife2004

To be added, pls message me or send an ask. Also lmk if you’d like to be part of my permanent tag list!

#starstruck #tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #Harry Holland #harrison osterfield #sam holland

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monstaless · 4 years

Text

On The Low - Part Two

Author: @monstaless

Relationships: fwb!Bambam x Reader, some JB x reader

Warnings: angst, smut, language, my possibly incorrect Korean (which I guess in the context of this fic is okay), some Vagabond spoilers (if you haven’t watched it yet, 10/10 highly recommend)

Song - On The Low by Justin Park

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: I’m not sure how I feel about this. I hope you guys like it though! The third and final part will be finished and posted, hopefully, soon.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

They were going on month two of their arrangement. Bambam had no complaints. She didn’t expect much from him. He didn’t have to text her everyday. He didn’t have to ask how her day had been. Although he still did both of those things fairly often as he would with any of his friends. They still had dinner together regularly and she still watched his cats if scheduling had him out of town. The sex was only getting better with time. He had no complaints at all. Not one.

He still hadn’t told anyone other than Yugyeom about it though. If he had plans, that was all he said. Just a simple “Sorry, guys, I’ve got plans this evening.” Though they all exchanged looks, none of them pushed for more information.

Yugyeom, of course, was curious about the situation and always had questions. Were they just secretly dating? What exactly were they if they weren’t dating? Were they exclusive? Was she seeing other people? Was he seeing anyone else? Did Bambam like her as more than a friend? Did she like Bambam as more than a friend?

He didn’t have all the answers though. He’d never done anything like this before. He wasn’t even sure that he understood the situation completely. It was like they were dating, but still in many ways it was completely different.

Bambam: Netflix and chill? I can supply dinner. Y/N: I don’t really feel that great. Bambam: Oh god! Are you contagious? Bambam: Am I going to be next? How long have you been sick? Y/N: No haha It’s not that kind of sick. Bambam: Oh...do you need anything? Bambam: We can still Netflix and chill. Bambam: I’m bringing you something sweet. Be there in 20.

He was on his way home anyway and didn’t mind stopping by the nearest Thai restaurant to grab her favorite treat. Especially, if it would make her feel even the slightest bit better.

She opened the door and stood behind it in sweats and a sweater that was way too big. His heart stopped for a moment. He was sure of that. He’d never seen her look so cute. He almost told her, but rethought it. Was this what he was missing out on most of the time? What would she look like in his sweaters?

“Sorry, I know I look terrible.” She must’ve mistaken his silence for disgust. She brushed a strand of hair that had come loose from her braid behind her ear and looked at the floor.

“No, you don’t,” he argued, holding the bag of food out to her in order to avoid having to say more. She took it and looked up at him before even checking the contents.

“Is this what I think it is?”

“I dunno. Depends on what you think it is.”

“Mango sticky rice?!”

“Yup,” he chuckled, feeling very proud of himself. “I thought it might help you feel a little better.”

“You’re the greatest!” She pulled him inside, closing the door behind him. “Wanna watch Vagabond with me?”

“You finished A Korean Odyssey without me, didn’t you?” he asked in disbelief. She gave him a sheepish grin over her shoulder.

“I couldn’t help it. You know how much I love Lee Seung-gi. He stole my heart,” she laughed. He did know how much she loved Lee Seung-gi. She swooned over him every time she saw him: TV, magazines, commercials. All of it. It was hard not to know how much she loved the actor. “Also, I couldn’t just stop there. The suspense was killing me. Do you want something to drink? I have hot tea.”

“Sure, I’ll take some.”

She ushered him to the sofa and he took a seat to wait for her return. She handed him a cup of tea and a fork for his container of sticky rice before sitting down next him. Then cocooned herself in her favorite fuzzy blanket and reached for the remote.

He shot her a look as she pressed play on Vagabond without starting it over. He looked at her in disbelief.

“You better start this whole series over for me, if you want me to watch it with you.” He made a face at her when she hesitated. “I’m not kidding. I’ll leave right now and take the sticky rice with me.”

She pouted, but went back to the episode selection to start it over. She scooted in closer to him so that she could lean against his shoulder. Then popped open the mango sticky rice and dug in.

“Oh my god! Why would you make me watch this? That poor kid!” He protested in horror as he swiped at his watering eyes. They were still only on episode one. She didn’t answer and he looked over to find her asleep, cuddled into his side like it was the most natural thing ever. His heart skipped a beat. He’d never seen her like this. She’d never fallen asleep during a show and she was rarely this cuddly. They’d never been in a position like this. He didn’t know what to do. He could wake her up, but then he’d lose this moment. He could let her sleep, but then she might miss something in the show and she’d be mad at him.

He turned his attention back to the TV, but now he couldn’t refocus on it. Not with her snuggled up to him like this. He made his decision.

“Y/N?” he nudged her gently. Then repeated her name a second time. She opened her eyes and then, realizing where she was, sat up quickly. “Do you want me to go home so that you can get some sleep?”

“You don’t have to. Sorry that I fell asleep on you,” she murmured. “I’m just super tired. I think I’m okay now though.”

But Bambam wasn’t okay. The image of her sleeping peacefully on his shoulder was burned into his brain. A glimpse of what he could have if they were more. Something he could have every time he was home. This was one of the things he was missing out on. This was the difference, he realized.

She was hanging out with JB. She’d turned him down for JB. He tried not to feel betrayed. He knew that she and JB were friends and that they hung out regularly. He also knew that his request to hang out had been last minute and she’d been planning to hang out with JB for the past week. She’d told him a week ago about her plans and in his excitement, he’d forgotten. She’d even told him that he could join them.

He couldn’t occupy all of her time though and he had nothing to be jealous of. He’d agreed to this situation. Even if something happened between her and JB, he couldn’t actually get mad about it. He’d known all along that exclusivity wasn’t part of the deal.

It just bothered him that it was JB. If it had been any other member, maybe he wouldn’t have felt so insecure, but he knew that she was into JB. She’d been into JB since the first time she met him. Everyone knew.

Y/N: Sorry that we couldn’t hang out today. Y/N: JB is about to leave. I can make it up to you when he leaves, if you want 😏 Bambam: You know that I’m not gonna turn down apology sex.

“Damnit, Bam. People are gonna ask,” she grumbled as she stood in the bathroom inspecting the mark he’d left on her skin. She shot him a look over her shoulder and he replied with a shrug.

“You can use makeup to cover it, you’ll be fine.” He hoped she wouldn’t though. He wanted JB to know that she was seeing someone. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so jealous of JB. Maybe it was because the other day, JB had asked him about her. JB’s curiosity was making him concerned that their arrangement might end soon. He knew that she liked JB. She didn’t try to hide it. She got all smiley when they were texting and if she was around him, she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him.

Lately, she had been spending almost as much time with JB as she spent with Bambam.

“What’s up with you? You’re weird today.” She pointed out as she sat next to him on the bed. Her annoyance about the mark had dissipated. She was genuinely concerned and he felt a pang of guilt for letting his jealousy get the better of him. “I’m sorry we couldn’t hang out earlier.”

“It’s not that. It’s just...work stress. I’m sorry,” he offered.

“You know you can talk to me about it, right?”

“Of course. It’s just the usual stuff. I’ve got a lot of work to do. I should probably go.” He tugged on his T-shirt.

“Oh. Okay. Um, text me if you need anything,” she offered as she followed him to the door.

JB had seen the marks on her neck. He’d asked Bambam if she was seeing anyone and Bambam, still feeling guilty about being so jealous, fought the urge to lie. He told a half truth instead. That she was seeing someone, but he didn’t think that it was serious. When JB asked what he meant, Bambam explained that she and the man she was currently involved with were sleeping together, but that appeared to be the extent of their relationship. Jaebeom looked disgusted and Bambam felt a little bit of surprise that the truth had actually worked in his favor.

Until, JB spoke again and Bambam realized that it was actually quite the opposite. JB was disgusted that the man hadn’t committed to her. He didn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to call her theirs. Bambam pointed out that maybe she was the one who didn’t want anything more. JB made a face and stated that either way, the guy obviously wasn’t the one for her. Bambam decided to drop it before JB unknowingly insulted him more.

“You know that you don’t have to go home, right? You can stay here,” he offered as she started to get out of the bed. She laughed.

“Bam, I literally live an elevator ride away. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I know. I just figured I’d offer. It’s pretty chilly tonight.”

She raised her eyebrows at him. “My heating system works, you know?”

“Why are we still doing this? Why don’t we just make it official? I know you said that you didn’t want something serious, but this isn’t that different. I can give you whatever you want.”

“I just am not interested in being tied down right now. This works for me.”

“You like Jaebeom-hyung, don’t you?” he questioned, immediately regretting his childish outburst, hating how rude he’d sounded. She looked at him in surprise. It was too late to take it back now though. He might as well get his answers. It had been gnawing at him for weeks. He adjusted his tone this time though. “Why don’t you date him? It seems like he likes you. You hang out all the time. Why do you keep coming to me?”

“Really? This has nothing to do with Jaebeom. You’re an idol, Bambam! You know what that means. Why would I want to date an idol, Bam? Why would I want to hide my relationship from the whole world? Why would I choose to date someone that I can’t be seen in public with? Why would I date someone who can’t marry me or have children with me because it means putting their job on the line? You said when you started this that you didn’t want anything serious!”

“Why didn’t you go for him first? Why did you choose me?”

“I just told you that this has nothing to do with Jaebeom. You made the first move, Bam. I told you the first time that I didn’t want anything serious and you said you were okay with that. You said that you didn’t want anything serious either.”

“That was before I knew how much I really liked you.”

“I don’t think that we should keep doing this.” She took a deep breath and shimmied into her dress. “I need to go home.”

“Y/N. Wait!” He tried to follow her, but by the time he’d gotten his jeans pulled on and made his way to the door, the elevator doors were already closing. “Fuck!”

He slammed the door and pressed his back against it. He was torn between trying to talk to her and just letting it go completely. He should’ve just kept his mouth shut. Who knew if she’d ever talk to him again.

Bambam was surprised to see JB in the parking garage of his building. JB explained that he was there to see Y/N. They hadn’t hung out in a while and she’d been pretty quiet for the past week. He was quiet for a moment before asking Bambam if something had happened between her and the guy that she had been seeing. Bambam shrugged and admitted that he hadn’t spoken to her recently, but he hadn’t seen her with the guy. He skipped the part where it was because he was the guy and they’d been avoiding each other.

“Geunyoneun manggo chapssareul joahamnida,” he offered as the elevator doors opened.It was his way of apologizing to her. He knew that she didn’t want to see him. She would’ve said something if she did. Instead, it had been radio silence. “Geugosi geunyoreul giun nage hal gosimnida.”

He didn’t wait to see if JB got on the elevator or not. He was pretty sure that he’d lost her for good either way. He would’ve settled for just staying friends, but he’d lost his temper and now he’d lost his best friend.

He couldn’t sleep.

When he’d returned home, JB’s car had still been in the parking garage. His mind couldn’t stop playing through the possibilities. Had she changed her mind? Was she taking a chance on JB? Or had JB just taken his place? He couldn’t believe that he’d let it go this far. He’d known that she had a thing for JB. She and JB had hit it off from the start. He’d gone into their arrangement knowing that eventually it would come to an end. He’d known that it would never be more than just sex. He’d agreed to that arrangement. How had he convinced himself that it might ever be something more?

He had never had the right to be jealous. Especially not now. They were done. She was free to see JB if she wanted. She’d always been free to see JB if she wanted.

#got7 #got7 fic #got7 scenarios #got7 reactions #got7 imagines #got7 smut #got7 fluff #got7 angst #got7 bambam #kunpimook bhuwakul #bambam fic #bambam smut #bambam fluff #bambam angst #on the low

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the-last-airbadger · 3 years

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My 2020

Hey y’all. So 2020 happened. That was a thing. Apparently. I know for a lot of people this year was uhm… pretty shit… but it was still a year that happened so it’s time for my annual reflection post (probably the only time I still post about myself on tumblr lol) and maybe we might even find some good things that happened this year!

The Beginning of 2020 vs Now

So, a lot has changed since the start of the year. A pandemic happened, for one. I can’t believe that a year ago I could still go to class every day and see my friends and now I’m pretty much stuck at home every day. The year started out pretty normal and then march happened and well, you all know what happened next. The worst part about the pandemic for me personally was probably the fact that I barely see my friends anymore and I can’t go to class every day. Some people may not think that not going to class is that bad, but I really enjoyed university more than I ever enjoyed school and I was really happy going there every day, and I was already sad I’d only have 4 to 5 years to spend there, so when that period got even shorter it made me kinda sad.

On the other hand, I do think that mentally I’m in a much better place than I was last year around this time. Being home this much really gave me time to reflect and work on my issues, and because my sister was stuck in our house for a couple of weeks I got to talk to her a lot which really helped me feel better. I think in general my entire family (my brother, sister and mom) have become a lot more open with each other which I think is great! I guess quarantine can have some benefits.

The Best Things about 2020

Okay, here’s is where we’re going to get even more positive and go over all the good things that happened (to me) this year! To be honest, most of the year was a bit of a blur so I probably will forget quite a bit, but I’m going to give this a try anyway. At the start of the year (when things were still normal) I was super excited to get into the next semester, as the one before had,,, kinda sucked, and those 6 weeks of class I had at the start of the year were really great. I remember me and my friends having a competition of who could get mentioned the most in our teacher’s powerpoint presentation so those classes were always interesting. I also finally got to dye my hair for the first time with the help of my friends. I’ve been wanting to do that for so long, and I’m so happy I finally got to do it! I even know how to do it myself now, and my hair hasn’t been brown since the start of march! Then, at the start of march, my dad and stepmother moved away and I permanently moved in with my mom. Before, I used to live with both my mom and my dad and I got really really sick of switching houses every week, so to finally live in one house and have all my stuff in one place was a bit of a relief to me, and I’m still really happy with it. After that, things become a bit blurry. I remember that at the start of quarantine in … April? I watched Sex Education or the first time, which is now not only one of my favourite shows ever, but also taught me a lot and helped me with some of the issues I was dealing with. We’ll skip over the subsequent sexuality crisis I had (I think I might actually be straight??), and skip straight to the summer, when I started watching I-Land. I watched every episode as it aired live, and because of this show my Fridays really became the highlight of the week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a survival show XD. The rest of the year was mostly just me spending time with myself. It got a bit lonely sometimes, but I also don’t think I’ve ever written as much as I have this year, and my drawing has significantly improved (if I may say so myself)! Especially towards the end of the year, when I started making a planning every day to prevent myself from wasting away all my time on youtube, I got super productive, and I wrote a lot, and made a lot of art, and I really felt good. I even started (gasp) working out. Yeah I know. Shocking right.

There was also a lot of good music that was released this year, and, to close this section on a great note, through one of my classes I finally found a group of friends to play D&D with! We haven’t actually played yet, but we will, and I’m so excited to play the game and get to know these people more! They all seem really kind!

My Resolutions for 2020?

Now, here’s the part where we check whether I actually reached all the goals I set myself for 2020. As usual, I have no idea what my resolutions were, so I honestly have no idea how I did. Let’s see, shall we?

Express my feelings more (as in I get really awkward in any sappy or mushy situation but I would like to be able to tell people I appreciate them without cringing) – UHM way to attack me on the very first resolution jeez. I did get more open with my family but I still can’t tell people I care about them without cringing so this is a fail lol

Again, learn to depend less on other people’s opinion and trust my own – I’ve been working on it, I think I’ve gotten a bit better? So win?

Get my sleeping schedule back on track – did that! It’s a bit whacky again now because of the holidays, but October and November were a big success regarding this resolution

WRITE MORE. This time I’ll make some concrete goals: Either I’ll get my story’s first draft done, or I’ll write 100 pages on a single project – okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t think I did any of these particular things, however this time I am 100% sure I wrote a lot more than the past years. I cannot count all the files and pages and notes I have now, but I wrote a lot, so I’m counting this as a win

I want to try NaNoWriMo (not necessarily in November, but at some point) – yeah, didn’t do that oops

I want to read a lot again but maybe not as much as this year because I want to focus on writing too. 40 books? – 49 books babey

Read all my current unread books (Aru Shah 2, Skullduggery Pleasant 9, Gemina, The Mistborn Trilogy and Call Down The Hawk) and finish my reread of Heroes of Olympus and the Raven Cycle) – Did all of these except Skullduggery Pleasant 9 (the start was so boring I decided not to read it all) and The Mistborn Trilogy (I am about halfway through the first book I think?) so I’m counting this as half a win

Finally read a book by V.E. Schwab (I’ve been wanting to try one of her books for ages) – Did that! Read a whole trilogy. It was good but not as great as I expected them to be. I think my expectations were too high though

Finish Playing Twilight Princess (I promised my brother) – Did that! I’m really proud of myself and so is my brother

Go. Swimming. Seriously. It’s scandalous that I still haven’t done that after waiting so long to be able to – IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS SINCE I LAST WENT SWIMMING WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I did buy new swimshorts but I still haven’t actually used them… shame on me

Try to worry less about school and not overwork myself – kinda?

Maybe try another drawing challenge somewhere this summer? I haven’t done any of those in a while and I feel like my art needs more attention – okay, so I didn’t do that, but I did at the start of the year make the resolution to make portrait/photoshoot-like drawings for my 8 main oc’s, and I did actually manage to finish that, and they are some of the best drawings I’ve ever made, so though I haven’t actually done a challenge specifically, I did do something

I want to try a 24 hour readathon – Yeah, didn’t do that oops

I kinda want to learn a piano piece as well, but I already have so many hobbies I want to focus on so I don’t know if I’ll have the time ☹ – yeah my dad sold our piano so… fail XD

Expectations for 2021

Now, after last year I think it’s safe to say we can never really know what to expect. But! I’m going to guess anyway because it’ll be really fun to see next year whether I got anything right.

The first thing that I think will probably happen this year (if I don’t majorly mess anything up) is I’ll be writing my thesis next semester, and then in the summer I’ll get my bachelor’s degree. Honestly I can’t believe how fricking fast those 3 years went, but I guess I’ll just have to roll with it lol. Corona vaccinations will also probably start happening next year, and hopefully this will mean that going outside and seeing my friends will be possible again next year – at least a lot more than it was this year. I hope 2021 will be the year of hanging out with friends and getting to live a little again. Maybe even get to go to class. That would be great.

On to more minor – but no less exciting – things, 2021 will probably bring us a new season of Sex Education! I’m sooo excited for that holy shit. And, in a similar vein, I have high hopes for kpop releases now that SHINee is finally back, and it looks like Haseul is also returning to LOONA! 2021 will also be the year in which ENHYPEN makes their first comeback, and some of the other I-LAND contestants will also make their debut, and there might even be a new season of I-LAND as well in the summer? So there’s a lot of things to look forward to. Oh, and I almost forgot, Dan Howell’s book will be released in May, and there will be a new Grishaverse book, and the Shadow and Bone show will start airing, which I am really curious about. Again, lots of things to look forward to!

2021 Resolutions

I’m not feeling as ambitious as I was last year, but there are a couple of things I want to try and do, so let’s jump into the resolutions!

I just came up with this today, but I think I want to try and build a bit of a skincare routine? The skin on my nose is kinda flakey, and I think it couldn’t hurt to try and take better care of my skin

Keep up with my daily workouts. I want to work out every day, except when I’m at my dad’s or when it’s a special day, like Christmas or something.

Be able to do either 50 push-ups on my knees, 25 normal push-ups, or both

GO SWIMMING

Keep up with planning daily! It’s a really good way to balance all of my 3195 hobbies and it helps me to not get stressed about school

Write (almost) every day. I need to make it a habit

Draw at least once a week, every other day if possible

Go outside at least once a week. That doesn’t seem very hard but with corona I did not realise how little I go outside if I am not forced to. Sometimes I spend 3 weeks without going out and I don’t even notice it. That can’t be good for me lol

Try to make healthier food choices. Maybe follow the lunch meal plan of the guy whose workout videos I follow.

Get my bachelor’s degree

Grow a beard. I’m getting closer… I know I’m getting closer…

Meet with my frIENDS and give them the alBUMS I have for them

Be more careful with my money, maybe even save a bit of money

Spend less time on social media

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

#personal #my 2020 #this year was a wild ride #here's to a better 2021

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revisionaryhistory · 4 years

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Three Days ~ 32

Catch up on AO3

~*~Sebastian~*~

The train was pretty crowded with people commuting into the city. I can't imagine spending three hours going back and forth to work every day. But right now, I thought an hour and a half with headphones sounded ideal. Processing didn't feel like the right word. I usually think of processing as something you do to deal with a negative or incorporate some insight you just had. Emma certainly wasn't a negative. But I guess process is the right word. A lot had happened in the last four days.

About fifteen minutes out of town my text alert went off. Emma sent me a picture of her in her classroom in front of a bunch of words. I doubt her pointing at baby, boy, and blue was accidental. I sent back the first thought that came to my mind, "Damn."

Next thing I knew I was at my station. I had not processed shit. I'd sat staring at her picture while my music played. Maybe that was processing?

I ducked into a shop to buy a bottle of water before hitting the gym. I was the last to arrive. I was going to get shit for this.

"Mr. Stan, glad you could join us."

Len looked at Don," Leave him alone. He slept in."

"I've been up since five-thirty, but thanks for the support." I dropped my bag close to the wall, "Got a train back from Beacon at seven."

Jackson crinkled up his face, "What's in Beacon?"

"Parents moved there. I was helping them unpack."

I must have smiled or something because Brad jumped on me, "I don't think that’s all you were doing."

I could feel my cheeks turning red. I joined them stretching out. "I did meet a woman"

There was a chorus of, "Oh yeah", from the four other men.

"Don't be like that," I admonished. "I haven't had a real date in forever."

George laughed, "We know. You'd given up."

I laughed too. I'd forgotten about that conversation. It had been George's twentieth anniversary and I'd commented I'd given up getting a date, forget about getting married. "I guess I was too hasty with giving up."

Len put his hands behind his head and thrust his hips, "If you're rusty and need some tips just let me know."

I covered my eyes with my hands, "Thanks, but I’m doing fine."

Hours later I walked into my apartment. Fuck, was I tired. Hadn't gotten much sleep the last couple of days. I smiled thinking about why. Checking out the picture on my phone again, I headed upstairs to shower. I wanted her face. I asked for a closer picture, put my phone on the charger, and hit the shower. Still wet, I fell face down on my bed and was out, not waking up until my manager called. We were going to have dinner tonight. I hung up and I saw I had a text. I closed my eyes and said, “Please."

The look on Emma's face in the picture was sweet with a touch of sexy. Her smile showed off her single dimple, but the slight quirk of her lip was like she had a secret. If I kept thinking about that I was going to get hard.

I was surprised when she responded to my text. It was a short conversation. I like how she'd brought up skipping past the when is it ok to call or text part. I suck at that shit. I think everyone does except assholes who like games. I don't have the time or inclination to figure out if I’ve waited long enough to contact someone. What happens is I'm waiting for the appropriate time, something happens, and I’m outside the window. Which, oddly enough, is exactly what happened with me trying to kiss Emma.

While I say I suck at this shit, I don't suck at all of it. Honestly, I'm a good date. I'm attentive and can be romantic. I like romance. I like how Emma and I started. The touching and talking were refreshing. It was like time stopped. There was nothing but she and I getting to know each other. I know that's not completely true. There were bumps and anxious moments, but that's part of it, part of life. I like how I felt as we maneuvered the bumps. I didn't feel alone. Feeling anxious feels alone. It feels like stuck in your head and you don't want to let the thoughts turn into words because it makes it real. If you don't say it out loud it’s not real. Good and bad with that. If it's not real, it's not real, but if you don't say it out loud no one can help. That’s a double-edged sword too. People think they're helping when they flood you with reasons you shouldn't feel how you do. If only anxiety disappeared with logic. Some people understand, some even know how to help. Then some people use it against you. I’ve known all three types. Even fell in love with the worst type.

The point of all that is to say Emma made it better. Without a pause she did the thing, said the thing, to make it better. By itself, not such a big deal, but when you combine it with everything else. She's smart, beautiful, fun, articulate, kind, sexy, and she makes me feel good. I feel like I've hit some kind of fucking jackpot.

There is an assumption that being famous is a sex buffet. Yes and no. Do you get offered anything you want and a few things you don't? Yes. I got talked into going with several of the Marvel guys to Vegas. I'd heard the stories. There were places one could have no strings sex and little to no risk of anyone talking. I'm not talking about brothels. I mean clubs frequented by locals who knew how to keep secrets. More than one of the guys had "usuals". There is money involved, but it's for discretion, not sex. Yeah, I know. I don't see the difference either. I went, but wound up out of my mind drunk with the faithfully married men. Wasn’t for me. Honestly, I got laid much more in college and the early years. Because once people knew who I was and the offers started I never knew if they wanted me, a story, a name crossed off their "to do" list, a photo op, or were a gold digger. Not that I had any money back then. When you’re shooting somewhere you're not running around fucking locals because you’re busy. And tired. I get up about two hours before call time, so I'm a human being before I get to set. What I'm saying is it's complicated and not easy. A buffet would be easy.

I'm more of a serial monogamist. I like relationships. I like being part of a couple. There are dry spells. There are dates with sex. And there are dry spells. Most recently there's been a friend with benefits. She picked today to call. After the texts with Emma, but before dinner with my manager. We haven't seen each other in, I don't remember exactly, three or four months. It's been a while. Dry spell. Thankfully, this arrangement was not complicated so when I told her I was seeing someone she was happy for me.

The dinner meeting with my manager, Emily, went well. I stayed focused despite the little part of my brain that stayed acutely aware of the time. Volleyball practice was over at nine. Theoretically. It’s a bar league and timing might be loose. She has work in the morning. Probably won't be too late. I should probably stop thinking. If she can't talk she won't answer. Just like all day today when we texted when we could. You know, like functional adults.

Sebastian ~ You home?

Emma ~ Yep

I hit call and waited to hear her voice. "No, no, no."

Click.

Not what I was expecting. I pulled my phone away from my ear and looked at it like it was a foreign object. FaceTime popped up. Oh, okay. I answered and her face filled my screen, "Hey."

Emma smiled, "I'd much rather see you than only hear you."

"This is better." Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was without makeup. She looked like the day we met. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you." She laid her head to the side and shrugged her shoulders, "Why'd you think I wanted FaceTime?"

I pulled my eyebrows down and pursed my lips, "So I could tell you I think you're beautiful?"

Emma shook her head with a grin, "Because I wanted to see your handsome face."

"Thank you." I inclined my head slightly. "How was practice?"

"Brutal." She laughed. "Sand absolutely everywhere. I miss gym floors and shoes. A lot of drills and some three on three."

"Keep going." I liked listening to her talk. She went into more detail while I listened and watched her facial expressions. She was animated with small movements that brought her words to life. I was especially aware of the quirk of her mouth. I was missing her hands and how they talked as much as her words.

"And how was your morning at the gym?"

I raised a hand, palm up, "Didn't you see my Instagram post?"

"As a matter of fact, I did." I had posted a picture of the group with me lying face down. "You looked tired."

"It was a heavy weight day." I entertained her with some of the day’s antics. The comradery made it less exhausting. We worked hard and we laughed often. "I took a nap before dinner with Emily."

"How'd that go?"

"Good." I nodded. "We've worked together for over twenty years now. I start filming in Rome end of July."

"That will be warm."

"Yeah, it will be. June will be the longest I've been home for a long time."

"Lucky for me."

"When's school out?" I was making plans. Pretty global and unstructured, but plan.

"We have through next week to finish up with work. Then it's fun and games. Celebrations of art and music to show off the projects we've worked on but haven’t sent home. Then there’s a day of outside athletic stuff. Relays, three-legged races, carrying eggs, tug of war. All sorts of things to celebrate sending our fifth graders away and the others flying up a grade. All three weeks away. School ends on Wednesday. Closing ceremony for staff Thursday. Then Friday I am going home to Alpharetta for a few days. then back to do some curriculum work."

"I thought it was summers off." I was a little disappointed. I, like many, assumed teachers were really off during the summer. This wasn’t working with my as yet unmade plans.

"Depends on what’s going on. The last winter we had so many kids out with flu and an ice storm closed school. We decided we wanted to have options like video lessons on YouTube or Google Classroom. Right before school started, we got our curriculum cleaned up. Figuring out what are the necessary things we need to make sure we teach. Then over the school year we've been recording lessons. After faculty meetings, we’ve spent time organizing them. This summer we just have to finalize and work with IT do develop the web site."

"Wow, sounds like a huge undertaking."

"It has been, but it will be so helpful if a student is out for them to be able to see the lesson that goes along with their makeup work."

"Are all the grades doing this?"

"Eventually. First and third did this year. We’ll help them to learn from our mistakes."

I got an idea, "Does that mean I can watch videos of you teaching?"

She laughed, "If I enroll you in my class. You'd want to watch that?"

"Maybe. I mean you like watching me do my job."

"Ah, Sebastian. Leveraging a movie to be able to see me teach.”

"I'm not going to promise I'll be in class every day. Never was. But I'd like to see what you do? Someday you'll go on set with me and see how boring most of it is." What did I just say? I’m not shooting anything for almost two months. How very optimistic of me.

"Well, there's an offer I can't refuse."

Good answer. "I've got a photo shoot in a couple of weeks. I think it’s the same week you're going home."

"Ooo, where are you going?" Her face lit up with excitement.

"Toronto. It's promo stuff for the film festival."

"I feel like I should know what you have showing there."

I wanted to reach out and wipe away the annoyed curve of her lips. There was no way she could know unless she was poking around the internet. I liked that she wasn't. "I'll catch you up. It’s a love triangle kind of thing. I'm the bad choice." I told her about filming, how much was improv, and the basic plot. She asked questions to clarify and I enjoyed explaining. I never felt like I was being interviewed. Emma wanted to learn about me.

With the conversation, I'd lost track of time. Again. When I glanced at the clock it was much later than I'd thought. I ran my fingers through my hair, "It's like our first date all over again. Talking for hours."

She smiled, "Its a theme for us. I hate to, but I need to go to bed."

"Believe it or not I’d planned on watching the time, so we could both get some sleep. I, at least, took to a nap." We shared a smile, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"OK. Good night, Sebastian."

"Night, Emma" She disappeared from my screen and I wasn't very happy. I wanted to keep talking, to keep seeing her expressions. Her green eyes weren't as vibrant on FaceTime, but my memory could fill in the details.

Wednesday was text free and my phone rang at three-thirty. "The children were horrible today."

The exasperated look on her face made me smile, "Could it be their teacher was extra tired today?"

She huffed out a breath, "It’s possible.” Her lips turned to a smile, "Wouldn't change a thing."

"What do horrible children do?"

"Tommy used his folders as frisbees. Annabelle and Brooklyn gave each other tattoos during recess with Sharpies. No one could sit still for lessons or story time. And finally, Marta threw up all over the table and we had to evacuate the room until the custodian got it cleaned up. Room smelled like vomit and Glade the rest of the day."

I had been cringing since the tattoos. "Sorry about the definitely bad day."

Emma nodded, "What did you do today?"

Not much. "Um, long run this morning. Lighter weights today. More core and flexibility. Picked up some Thai food on the way home. Took a shower. Then I started reading a book on female spy units. You called. Now, I’m mostly trying to figure out a way to climb through the internet so I can kiss you. We've still got some catching up to do.”

#Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #fanfiction

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bloggit · 4 years

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Boost the positive vibes!

Follow my Blog shannonalllen.wordpress.com

Hey guys, sorry for the poor uploads, I’ve been trying to spend my time enjoying the sun whilst it lasts! I thought I would make a simple post today on the ways I’ve been keeping up my morale recently, from things to do, people to follow and groups to join!

Join the group ‘Gals Who Graduate‘

This group is full of like-minded young women who will literally chat about anything and everything! (You might want to skip this one if it doesn’t apply to you, but trust me, if this is you, thank me later). This group is incredible, posting about everything from periods to graduate jobs, from buying a home to how to deal with stress; if you can think of a topic there will be a post, and if there isn’t, you can post one yourself! I honestly cannot rave about this group enough, having asked for advice on the page myself, the replies have been amazing, with only the greatest kindness tolerate, this is sure to help you out with problems you didn’t even know you had! (I recommend the Facebook group the most)

Facebook: Gals who Graduate

Linkedin: Gals who Graduate

Instagram: Gals who Graduate

2. Baking

This will probably come to no surprise to you all, but I have loved baking. I haven’t been baking as much now I’ve moved back to my uni house but I’ve still been baking here and there. I made a great apple crumble last night from a student cookbook which was very nice, and it was literally just to use up leftover ingredients!

3. Volunteering

I have recently started volunteering with a local volunteering centre! I currently help create posts to post on their accounts to recruit volunteers for over 800 charities. It is all based from home and I have zoom meetings with the man who oversees the operation whenever I feel I need it. I honestly cannot recommend volunteering enough, it is benefitting my skillset and keeping me busy, as I work as little or as often as I want, meaning I am never bored yet also never bogged down! If you are in the Oxfordshire area and want to know more about opportunities similar to my own, leave me a comment and I will get in touch!

4. Using LinkedIn

I’ve had my LinkedIn profile for a few months now, maybe even a year, and I’m really starting to build up my network of like-minded people who share inspiring posts. The accounts I recommend connecting with most are Elfried Samba (head of social content at Gymshark) and The Female Lead, as these two accounts promote regular, motivation quotes and posts, that often make me second guess some preconceptions. You can easily tailor your LinkedIn page to your interests, my feed is FULL of marketing solutions and ideas for content creation, but this is not the case for everyone. There is so much positivity on LinkedIn, as everyone shares their achievements and congratulates each other on new positions; an overall positive rabbit hole.

5. Listening to the podcast ‘The Girls Bathroom‘

I’ve been listening to the podcast for around 7 months now and I LOVE it!! (Again, depending on your interests it may not be something you enjoy). It’s such a refreshing break from work or stress, a hour a week just laughing at the girls trying to navigate other people’s problems the same way anyone would. It literally like listening to a recorded tape of you and your bestfriend talking through your problems; hilarious yet somewhat insightful. On the more serious side, the girls do chat about some important issues such as employment, university and health, which often goes unspoken. Overall a great podcast, funny yet insightful.

6. Spending time with friends doing nothing

Often, when I see my friends there is alcohol involved, often leading up to a night out. As the clubs have remained shut in England, this has been off the cards so we have had much more trips to the park or the beach, and nights in watching Disney+ and playing on the Nintendo Switch. It is so important to spend quality time with people, especially as after next year we probably won’t see each other very often as we start the next chapter of our lives.

Let me know what you guys have been doing recently to keep yourself going! I am also in the process of creating a Tumblr page to go alongside this blog and would be very grateful if you could check it out. If you would like me to also create an Instagram page, please do let me know. Stay Safe!

#blog #blogger #positivity #positivelife #positvevibes #galswhograduate #friends #podcast #sophia and cinzia #the girls bathroom #volunteer #linkedin

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agent-yolk-writes · 5 years

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Friends Like You and Us - Venom!Reader - Ch. 6

I really gotta post this after I updated it on AO3 goddamn

In today’s episode: The gang puts too much thought into planning, you have terrible codenames, and you wonder if the circus is in town.

Don’t forget to reblog so others can see it! If you want something featured, don’t be afraid to drop an ask. We’re almost around the halfway point and it’s all downhill from here. Get your thoughts in now or forever hold your peace,

AO3 Version | Masterlist (TBD)

After scrambling to figure out a plan and translating interdimensional slang, the plan goes as follows:

1. You enter the building with Ham in a backpack. Peni has hooked all of you guys with little telecommunicators that can fit into your ear. They look like they can be passed off as the cool new earbuds you’ve seen your classmates wearing.

1a. Peni, SP//dr, and Noir will be outside as backup should anything happen along the way.

2. Get through the guards by showing your ID, which indicates a trusted employee of the building, Mary, has granted an outsider, you, permission to enter the building and their individual office. That’s it, that’s your only access.

3. While you do what your aunt asked you, Ham goes in the vents and finds a way into the Alchemax section upstairs. There he’ll find anything that could help figure out what happened to Spider-Man.

From there, depending on the situation, it could go two ways.

4a. Ham retraces his footsteps in the vents and gets back to your aunt’s office.

4b. If Ham needs to be recovered, you’ll “accidentally” stumble into Alchemax, claim you’re trying to find the bathroom, to retrieve Ham and any data he managed to recover.

5. Leave without raising any suspicions, if possible.

A simple plan in five or so steps. You’re taking the usual subway route to her office with Ham squished inside your mini backpack. It’s uncertain what Peni and Noir are doing above ground, but you could imagine them hopping between buildings in a cool montage like that cool cartoon of those ninja lizards. Thankfully this cart was almost packed to the brim, so no one can see, Ham included, tendrils wrapping around your hand and giving a comforting squeeze as if someone was actually holding your hand.

You got this. We believe in you.

I...I dunno. It sounded too easy in my apartment.

We can handle anything that comes our way.

“I sure hope so.” You muttered, glancing at the people close by to see if they’re looking at you. Swinging your bag around so it’s hanging in the front, you subtly zipped open the bag to look at the cartoony companion. At the sign of first light, he hisses at the sudden stimulation by squinting his eyes for a few seconds.

“Are we there yet?” He asks, a bit bored.

You glanced over at the display showing how many stops are left. “Not for another stop or so. How are you feeling in there?”

Ham sighs at the response. “I knew I should’ve brought something to read.” He pulls out a sleeping mask and puts it over his eyes.

“It’s either this or waste SP//dr’s fuel but doing about three trips back and forth.” You could feel some glances over your way, so you lower your voice a bit. “Anyone with a phone is going to post it on Twitter and we really don’t want that. Especially if it’s going to be on Insider Edition tonight.”

Your communicator buzzes to life, even with all the concrete around you.

“Actually, it’s powered by the psychic link between me and my spider friend in the suit.” Peni corrected you.

“There’s a spider...in the suit?” You said with genuine surprise.

“Hey now, you didn’t ask.” Well, she has a point there. “Oh heads up, here comes your stop.” As if on cue, the overhead speaker announces your stop. It doesn’t help your heart kicking up a notch in anticipation. A thousand scenarios are running through your head as you tried not to give Ham a whiplash putting your bag in its proper place. You even straighten out your blouse as you exited the subway train. Despite only being bonded for a week, it felt strange wearing clothes outside of your symbiote. All there’s left is to pray to your not-so empty head that everything can and will go right for a simple infiltration.

“This is Black Spider. I’m in position.”

“Spider Pig here. Let’s get this show running.”

“Mecha Spider is ready when you are!”

“This is Classic Spider, cruising for a bruising on the bench.”

…

You should’ve opposed to using codenames. This is an in and out, not an actual heist. If anything, you could’ve at least used different spiders to call each other by. It’d make sense if you refer to yourself as, for example, Black Widow rather than Black Spider. In the end, it’s all apples to pears.

Taking a deep breath, you pulled on the ID card you knew was on you just to make sure it's really there. It doesn’t go bad for another year, so they can’t stop you by saying it’s expired. If one of your aunt’s coworkers spotted you, then the suspicious glares from security will weaken. They swap floors every six months or so for security purposes. You haven’t been in the building proper since...ten months ago. Hopefully, that retired Sergeant got mobilized to the main floor. If he got moved to Alchemax, then you’ll have to pray for Ham’s safety-

Said spider-pig poked his head out. “What about my safety?”

“Nothing.” With Venom’s help, your arm pushed your smuggled package back into your back of the cramped bag. With Venom’s sixth sense you can almost feel Peni and Noir staring down from the roof of a neighboring building. “Let’s go.” With a shaky step, you begin your ascent up the stairs and entered the revolving door.

To your left, you see the guest desks and the CCTVs in an open room behind the woman at the desk. She had her head down, so she’s probably on her phone. Directly in front of you is the series of elevators being guarded by a single security guard, a glorified elevator worker if anything. You vaguely remember him, but it might not be the same vice versa. Through the handful of people coming in and out, you make your move to the first elevator open.

Your aunt’s workplace is one of the higher floors, so it’s going to be a while in this metal death trap. It became empty quicker than you expected, not that you don’t mind.

“What’s your status Black Spider, Spider Pig?” Peni said through the communicator.

“Entering the building was a success, no complications so far.” You whispered back. You try not to stare at the camera you know is staring at you in the corner. ”Pretty much going to be a smooth ride up.” Was the last thing you said before said smooth ride came to a halt at a different floor.

Oh no, someone else is coming up.

If you don’t make eye contact and shuffle to the side, maybe they won’t-

“Oh look, it’s you.” Oh no, it’s her.

You forced your eyes to look at one and only Stacy Adams from your school. She’s a senior, just a year above you. She’s one of the most popular people in your school and like every high school movie out there, she thinks she’s the queen of the institution. The only reason she could be here is that senior intern experience your school offers where seniors spend three of the five day school week learning. To your chagrin, it looks like today is one of those days.

She hates your guts for some reason. You couldn’t recall what you did to piss her off. Maybe she got jealous of you a guy that just so happens to be a friend of your friend. You did, however, ate her boyfriend aka the top varsity football player bound for Ohio State, so there’s that. In your defense, he attacked you.

We should eat her as well.

Shush, you.

You eyed the security camera in the corner.

Not yet.

“Hey, Stacy...weird meeting you here, huh?” You mustered up whatever you can to pretend you’re happy to see her.

“It’s weird meeting you here.” She shoots back. “Should I report you for skipping school to trespass?”

“Unlike your daddy’s money, I actually know people here.” You replied before you could process it. So much for putting up a fake front.

Stacy, of course, wasn’t having it. “You don’t need to know people if they’re hiring a fucking clown.”

“A fucking clown? Oh wait, is that who you’re seeing after Kyle basically ghosted you? Wooow Stacy, how faithfu-“ You didn’t get a chance to finish it when a handmade sharp contact with your cheek. You weren’t sure if the sting was from the palm or the sharp nails she raked across your skin for extra damage.

Your heart was beating so loud in your ears. Whether it was Venom’s boiling rage or your own, it almost affected the next step you were about to do. If it wasn’t for Peni bringing you back to Earth with, “-ck Spider, is everything alright in there?” in your ear, you would be deep in bloodshed.

Instead, you calmly removed your earpiece and stuffed it into your bag. You hope she notices the unhuman bend of your arm.

“Look, I don’t have time for you.” You said lowly, voice borderline a growl. “I’m going to do my thing, you’re gonna do your thing, and then you’ll continue to pop your gum loudly every time I even blink in your direction. Got it?”

Stacy stares at you like you grew two heads on the spot. Your cheek tickles a bit as Venom heals the scratch marks.

She started sputtering some nonsense to try and get something in before the elevator finally slowed down to your aunt’s floor. Time to finally get out of this cramped box.

But first…

As you took a step out of the elevator, you couldn’t help but turn around to face her one last time.

“Oh, by the way…” You said with a growing devious grin. “Kyle’s brain was absolutely delicious.” Venom couldn’t help but join in at the last second, but it got the results that you wanted. Stacy tried charging at you but the closing doors were quicker. You could hear her banging at the door all the way up. Ah, you’ll remember the face she made. You wonder if her boyfriend had that same expression.

Ham decided to pop his head out once you used your aunt’s card to get into the bathroom. He had a sponge lodged into his ears that managed to take out by pulling it out of one ear with a comical pop. You’re too

“Geez, took you long enough. Thought the catfight was gonna take foreeeever.” He complained.

“Well sorry for having enemies, I guess.” You replied as you readjusted your communicator. “This is Black Spider. Um...Sorry that I went AWOL there. Bumped into a rather unpleasant classmate of mine in the elevator.”

“About time! Thought about going in there thinking you croaked.” Noir’s voice crackled through his mic.

“Weren’t you able to hear anything from Ham’s mic?”

Peni answered your question with, “The microphone is designed to cancel out any background noise so whoever’s talking into it can be heard. You’ll never find anything better for noise cancellation!”

The wonders of the future could not be thanked enough.

You pushed Ham’s head back in the bag at the sound of the bathroom door unlocking for someone else. This is your cue to leave and head to your aunt’s office.

The first phase of the plan is now successful. Now that the second part is about to be achieved, you’re looking forward to the idea of getting away without being caught. Well, you almost did, but that doesn’t count in your books.

It should be smooth sailing from here, right?

...Right?

#spiderverse #spidersona #x reader #spiderman into the spiderverse #spiderman into the spiderverse x reader #spiderman into the spiderverse & reader #spiderverse x reader #venom x reader #venom & reader #venom symbiote x reader #venom symbiote & reader #venom/reader #venom symbiote/reader #reader insert #my writing #friends like you and us

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the-worlds-tiniest-bowtie · 4 years

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Brandon Coleman's Boy Witch

I had the pleasure of experiencing Brandon as Boy Witch for the first time last week and I haven't shut up about it since! I decided to make a post detailing all the things i love about him because his take on BW is so different than anyone I've seen before.

this is completely self indulgent and kind of just a diary entry/recap. i'm not posting this on my main blog on the off chance Brandon somehow finds it.

warning: this contains spoiler heavy material for BW's entire loop. i will be comparing the differences between Brandon and other performers (Nate, David, Austin, Jason, etc) so some of their character choices/audience interactions will be detailed here.

let me start by saying Brandon's Porter is my all time favorite. he played Porter in my 2nd show ever and was the first actor/character i followed for a full loop. I've had his 1:1 at least 4 times, maybe 5. the last time he picked me was one of the most special moments I have ever experienced in a show.. I don't remember who was playing Boy Witch but it was probably David or Nate because those are the only 2 i would follow from the ballroom.

after BW pushed Porter down, i had every intention of following BW. there were 3 or 4 people standing right where Porter usually picks, and i wasn't angling to get the 1:1 at all. when BW left, i followed him for about 5 steps and then turned around to watch Porter pick his 1:1. when i looked down at Brandon, he was already staring at me. I've never seen Porter pick someone BEHIND him for a 1:1, and i don't know if Brandon recognized me, but i gave it a second to see if he would realize it was me and choose someone else instead. Nope. i didn't move until he slowly reached his hand out and that's when i turned around and walked back to him. i may never know what possessed him to pick in such an unusual way and it still makes my heart skip a beat when i think about that moment.

something i really enjoyed about Brandon's BW is that many of the character traits he exhibits are clearly inspired by Porter. on the other hand, some aspects of his character are the opposite of how he plays Porter. Boy Witch is flirty, saucy, minx-y, and while Brandon is all of those things, he's missing one thing the other boys have: he's not mean. he's the first boy witch I've seen that doesn't give off a "i'm leading you on but i really don't give a shit about you" vibe. where most boys are sinister, Brandon is fun. i have never seen a BW smile so much - and not the usual knowing smirk, like, he was BEAMING. youthful, carefree, excited!

I first saw Brandon in the ballroom, dancing with Malcolm. it took a few minutes for him to look at me (was i desperately trying to make eye contact because we talked at the halloween party and i was super pumped about FINALLY seeing his Boy Witch? maybe.) and when he did, he went from being stoic and serious to getting visibly excited and grinning SO BIG i almost died. (Brandon, if you're reading this, let's be friends seriously how are we not friends already?) little did i know, this was going to be dark foreshadowing for the rest of the night.

like i said, he was having the time of his life.. until he wasn't. my second sign that Brandon's BW was going to be unlike any other was during the luggage dance. I've been pushed up against the wall by Boy Witch more times than i can count. I think Nate holds the record. but this is the first time BW has walked towards me, made me step back almost against the wall, then suddenly twirled around me and put his own back against the wall. IM SORRY WHAT? it took a second for my brain to catch up and realize he was inviting me to participate in role reversal. I can and will play Boy Witch at any given moment, so i took another step and pinned him against the wall for a split second. we made eye contact and it threw me off to see Brandon being sultry instead of the scared Porter expression I'm used to seeing. LITTLE DID I KNOW.

the phone booth dance was another confusing emotional rollercoaster- that was the first time I've seen an actor I associate with Porter playing Boy Witch and i was suddenly brought back to my first time watching that dance; not knowing whose side to be on. i betrayed Porter and followed BW to High Street, where he actually spat into his hand, which is somehow not the grossest thing I've seen BW do. (re: David making himself throw up in the shower takes the cake) BW led me to the Speakeasy where i found NATE AS SPEAKS and i swear i nearly fainted. Brandon tried to attack me, of course, Nate stopped him and i had yet another trippy moment of watching my favorite Boy Witch actor shove my favorite Porter actor into a box.

nothing too exciting happened between then and the rave. Brandon kept looking at me while wearing the ram head and thanks for the attention Brandon but i HATED IT. i hate that stupid head. i followed BW to the shower where he broke my heart for the first time that evening. i love to see what different actors do in the shower. it's such a simple scene in theory but such an opportunity for each actor to make it their own. i watched David gag himself until he threw up, then scrub his face and body for a solid 2 minutes, I've seen Nate spit out an entire mouthful of blood, etc etc. Brandon did possibly the most heartwrenching of them all, which was curl up against the wall and hide his face in his arms. he didn't move for a long time, and when he did, he started gently shaking and sniffling. crying. this lasted for another minute before he looked up and surveyed the room.

i was purposefully not standing directly in front of the crowd; i was right next to the sink but there was another person slightly in front of me. i know Brandon's history of picking me when I'm trying NOT to be picked. i saw him look at me but i wasn't going to be a pushy audience member, so i held still while the person in front of me grabbed the towel. (if you're reading this, you already know how it ends and I'm sorry!) he dried off and looked at them, then motioned for his shirt. he got the box out, dug around, pulled his pants out, and handed them to.. me. i knew it was coming but it still made me so happy i almost cried. not to flex but I'm an expert at unraveling BW's suspenders so i untangled them in mere seconds. i stepped back after that, fully intending to give that person their shot, but i knew all along he was going to walk out with me. sure enough, he stood up, didn't look at anyone, and slipped his hand in mine as he walked out the door. side note: Brandon, if you're reading this, i love that you squeeze my hand like 3 times when you pick me for things. thank you.

we made it to the 1st floor where he scared the shit out of me when i got to the bottom of the stairs, then gave me a very sensual kiss on the cheek and ran off to the banquet. at this point, i left him to follow Speakeasy and didn't catch back up until the end of the witches' lobby dance with Macbeth. he picked someone else to sing to and this time, i did position myself conveniently to get chosen for the phone booth 1:1. sorry, fellow audience members. you gotta learn when to hold'em and when to fold'em! the phone booth is one i rarely get, so i felt justified. I glared at BW and tried to look apologetic at Porter- who walked away while BW was still using my finger to wipe his face. POWER MOVE. I SEE YOU JOHN WILLIAM WATKINS.

Boy Witch bewitched me with his eyes and then shrouded us in the darkness of the curtain. when we were safely hidden away from the world- holy shit, you guys. his face changed. suddenly, i was looking at Porter. the first time i saw him as Porter, i described Brandon as an older, more masculine version of Credence from Fantastic Beasts. i texted a friend that he had the energy of someone nervous and abused, and that same fearful energy came through in those moments in the phone booth. depending on how you interpret the story, BW is a scared and abused boy. he looked at me with those sad Porter eyes and i was filled with the strangest deja vu as he took off my mask. he whispered a secret in my ear and we had a fun out of character moment where Brandon tried to put my mask on and the curtain started to fall, so he panicked and tried to hand my mask to me, but i didnt notice in time, so he had to try and put my mask on again but we were running out of time because the curtain was still falling and he SOMEHOW got it on but omg it was stressful. Brandon, if you're still reading, that was adorable and I'm glad i got to share that moment of panic with you. also i love you.

i left BW soon after that but caught back up with him at the end of the show, where Brandon graciously walked me out. y'all, if you're lucky enough to get a walkout, the best part of the entire show might just be the moment you and the actor smile knowingly at each other before breaking into a run, down the lobby hallway and through the red curtains.

Brandon's charm doesn't stop when the show ends, though. i sent him a kiss emoji (or 12) as soon as i left the building and he immediately sent back a message where he APOLOGIZED FOR SOME TINY MISTAKE I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER. Brandon, i hope you read this so you know how FURIOUS i am that you would ever apologize for the performance you put on. don't you DARE say sorry for being a completely new and different version of my favorite character. you're my #1 Porter and now my #2 Boy Witch. (sorry, Nate Carter owns this ass.) also, you're just the most lovable person. we have so much in common that it's actually a crime you have yet to follow me back on instagram. also, happy late birthday, this is your present from me.

IN CONCLUSION: if you haven't been to a Sunday early show in the past 5 weeks, it's time for you to buy your ticket. go see that boy in action.

fin.

#sleep no more #brandon coleman #snm #mckittrick hotel #the mckittrick hotel #boy witch #snm recap #is that a tag?#someone teach me how to add the read more thing on mobile #if you read this novel please dm me for my main account

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dimples-of-discontent · 5 years

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Hwæt: I'm Waging a Campaign

Hwæt. We Gardena in geardagum, þeodcyninga, þrym gefrunon, hu ða æþelingas ellen fremedon.

So. The Spear-Danes in days gone by and the kings who ruled them had courage and greatness. We have heard of those princes’ heroic campaigns.

(Beowulf, trans. Seamus Heaney)

Hello friends,

I’m cross-posting this from a CaringBridge site that I could link to but which will reveal my secret IRL identity since the URL is my name for ease of finding! (I actually think that’s fine but, y’know, use the info respectfully since I have worked to have separation between my professional social media and my fandom social media.)

This is an introduction and update on how things are going with my breast cancer. I’ll do some cross-posting, but most updates will be on CaringBridge and, potentially, a sideblog here that will be less family-approved and/or full of reflections on the whole process. I’ll link you to that if I make one. Thanks for all the good wishes and the gentle hellos and the positivity. It has been sustaining and I am lucky in my friends and family here. 💜💜💜

(Author's note! This is a long post with a fair bit of technical stuff that I find fascinating but don't expect you to. It's just hard to know how to catch you all up without going into detail but, if you like, feel free to skip to the last couple paragraphs.)

If you're here that means you already know many of the basic info, which is that about 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with triple-negative, metastatic breast cancer. It's pretty nasty and aggressive and moved quickly from a large tumor in my left breast to my axillary lymph node to my lungs to the soft tissue next to my spine (with probable bone marrow involvement). It's probably about 6-9 months old. I wasn't looking for it since, at 34 with zero family history, I wasn't even old enough for screenings. But genetic mutations come from somewhere and it looks like I am the mutation.

Is there good news? Not much. (Not yet.) The tiniest bit is that more aggressive cancers tend also to be more responsive to treatment. The fact that it's triple-negative breast cancer (TNBC) means that the tumor is negative for the three types of receptors that can be used for additional therapies: progesterone, estrogen, and HER2. (A second test actually put my ER number at 20%...which sounds a little like me in general: although I seem very negative at second glance you'll see that I'm about 20% positive.) It's also negative for androgen. This means that the only potential kind of supplementary therapy that might help along with chemotherapy would be immunotherapy. I'm not a candidate for either surgery or radiation since the spread of the cancer is so pervasive and those are highly localized.

I haven't started treatment yet. For these past weeks I've been in a really difficult phase of undergoing a lot of tests to determine the character, extent, and location of the cancer. This was a surprise to me (and to my parents, who came out to NJ immediately and who have been living with me throughout this process). I sort of imagined that when you got the cancer diagnosis--which I did on January 24th at 11am when I was sitting in my office filling out a performance evaluation for my job at Princeton--they'd rush you off to an emergency room where they'd start treatment immediately. I definitely didn't anticipate having to schedule (a challenge in and of itself) and undergo so many tests and to have to wait, terrified, for each series of events. So far, this has been the hardest and worst part.

Being whisked off is more like what happens if your cancer is localized in the breast and associated lymph node. The big first question was whether the cancer was metastatic or not, which they found out with a CT scan that showed it, first, in my lungs. This was maybe the worst news of the whole thing because it meant that radical options to contain it (mastectomy, radiation) were out and that we had to do a bunch more investigating to figure out where the cells had hidden. There was a worry about my liver which showed a large mass that had been there since 2016 when I'd actually been tested for cancer--thanks to chronic fatigue and consistently elevated white blood cell counts--and come up clean. (Luckily the consensus is that the liver mass is benign since it "grew" only .7cm in 2 years, a possible measurement error.) This left the bone scan, which did show the tracer being absorbed, which led in turn to MRIs and a biopsy to confirm metastasis.

Every time I got a new result I learned that you really have to read the fine print when you wish to be exceptional. All of this is so statistically unlikely...and yet it's true.

All-in-all I had two biopsies of three tumors (breast, lymph node, soft tissue next to the spine), two mammograms, two CT scans, and three MRIs. This is in addition to office visits and blood work. I began working with a medical oncologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering (MSK) in Manhattan which brought me back to the city more times than since I left after college. It was looking like the only possible treatment option was single-agent chemo. Most clinical trials for TNBC require that you have been treated first. (I have "de novo" metastatic disease, meaning it had already spread when they first discovered it rather than that it was treated locally but spread anyway.) Others require hormonal receptor positivity. The few I was eligible for were often not enrolling.

However, thanks to the tireless research efforts of my dad, we found out about a clinical trial at the Dana-Farber clinic in Boston that I am potentially eligible to join. It's testing an immunotherapy agent that has already proved effective with TNBC with one chemo agent with a different one. (It actually just got approved by the FDA.) The only trick is that the way the immuno agent works requires that you have a specific protein (PDL1) to really see results. Essentially, one way cancer cells sneak around is switching off your immune system so it can't "see" that they are invaders. The turning off of the immune switch happens with a protein bond involving PDL1; the immuno agent being tested blocks that bond so that the "lights" stay on and the cells can't sneak around as easily. Clever! But if I don't have the protein it's not clear that either being in the trial or getting the now-FDA-approved treatment will benefit me more than single-agent therapy.

So that's the test it's all depending on right now. I should hear in the next couple days. If you want to send positive vibes and wishes and make sacrifices to your god(s) of choice, do it for PDL1 positivity. I feel discouraged, since I've been negative for everything so far, but these are all independent events.

I am also waiting for genetic testing to see if this is a germline mutation--like BRCA--that I inherited. This might affect future treatment and, if I did have one, could be good news because BRCA1 and BRCA2 are very heavily researched...in fact, when I worked in breast cancer research at Wash U Med School I was working with the BRCA lines. (For those who don't know, I started college wanting to go to med school--or at least get a PhD in genetics--so I spent 3 summers between age 16 and 19 studying breast cancer. It's equipped me well to have these discussions, though I certainly imagined being the doctor rather than the patient.)

There are three treatment options that I will (hopefully, hopefully) finalize soon.

I will have the PDL1 protein and will enroll in the clinical trial at Dana-Farber. This will require traveling to Boston every 3 weeks for intensive assessment and new rounds of chemo. The agent involved will make regular life a little rougher since it's by IV and only every 3 weeks. (And I might be in the control group, in which case I'd only be getting the chemo agent. I will, however, know which group I'm in.)

I will have the PDL1 protein and will receive the now-FDA-approved immunotherapy/chemo combination in Princeton with a local doctor and Dana-Farber only doing big-picture stuff.

I will not have the PDL1 protein and will receive single-agent chemo in Princeton, probably orally (twice a day) which is less intensively bad and more low-grade bad all the time. (There is, I guess, a kind of 3b. in which I decide to enroll in the trial even if I don't have PDL1 but it seems less likely.)

So, if you are keeping track of the big decisions that will allow me to actually, finally, begin actively fighting against this that's the last one. I appreciate all the notes that you've been sending so far. I get "message fatigue" but I see all of them and, in fact, have been saving all of them to look back on when things get even harder. So if you'd like to leave love and encouragement here too please know that I will see it and it will be helpful. I'm very unfortunate in this but incredibly fortunate in the number of people I have out there pulling for me and offering support.

Love to you all.

Site link

#personal #medical #health update #not spn #my life as a cancer patient #spn family #YANA #AKF #bex writes

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teenybeanielinguine · 5 years

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Outlander Season 5 - A Girl Can Dream

It’s been a little over two weeks since the Season 4 finale... and DAMN, the withdrawal is hitting me hard. I’ve rewatched all my favorite scenes, re-read all my favorite passages, and scoured Tumblr for every piece of fanfiction available. But nothing seems capable of filling the Outlander-shaped void in my heart.

Since I clearly have nothing better to do (not true; there are A LOT of other things I should be doing), I’ve decided to grace you all with my unsolicited thoughts (no need to thank me). Season 5 has no announced release date, but I’m not known for my patience, so I’m hopping on the crazy train a little early. Destination: The Fiery Cross. (Spoilers ahead.)

About The Fiery Cross

I’ve read quite a few posts that label Drums of Autumn as the pivotal point in the series. I respectfully disagree.

DoA felt like the next step in a gradual evolution. It’s true that Bree and Roger gained their independence from the J/C plotline in DoA, but DG had been prepping us for this divergence for quite a while. Claire was our only narrator in Outlander, and while she remains the only 1st person POV, other characters have been quietly adding their voices to hers. Roger joined her in Dragonfly in Amber, followed by Jamie and John Grey in Voyager, and we finally get Brianna in Drums of Autumn (that’s RIGHT: in the main books, we hear Roger’s POV before we ever hear Jamie’s). Because of these constantly expanding POVs, DoA just felt like a natural progression, rather than a huge departure from the status quo.

The Fiery Cross, on the other hand, feels like a turning point. Not only is it the first book to not get a newly added POV, but the story starts to get a little... unpredictable.

All of the books have a fair amount of twistiness and unpredictability, but our characters have pretty clear goals in each installation so far: get back to the stones, save Jamie from Black Jack, prevent the Rising, prevent Culloden, make Brianna believe the truth, find Jamie after 20 years, rescue Young Ian, establish the Ridge, warn Jamie and Claire about the fire, rescue Roger... I know I’m generalizing here, but you get the point. Our heroes all have clearly defined end goals, and they’re putting all their energy into achieving them, despite the twists and turns that DG throws their way. The characters may not always succeed, but you, the reader, always know where the story is headed.

By the start of The Fiery Cross, the goals are a little broader, more nebulous. There may be unrest in North Carolina, the American Revolution may be looming in the distance, but basically the Fraser family just wants to live in peace on the Ridge. That’s it. No daring rescues, no dramatic reunions; they just want some peace and quiet. Of course, they aren’t going to get it, because this is Outlander-verse, where Murphy’s Law is on steroids.

So the Frasers play it by ear, taking on every new challenge as it comes. There is no clear path forward, they just have to react as best they can to the events around them. In consequence, the reader gets a series of smaller meandering stories, with the distinct feeling that something bigger is happening in the background. I personally love this, because I have no clue what’s going to happen next, so when something big happens, it takes me completely by surprise. And you get to see the characters just exist in day-to-day life, which is the best. Some of the characters still have personal goals (spoiler alert: Stephen Bonnet definitely did NOT die in that explosion), but the pursuit of those goals isn’t driving the story nearly as much as in past installments.

This is all to say that, while Season 5 is going to have to hit some major plot points, there is (in my opinion) a fair amount of breathing room for interpretation, and lots of fun to be had. I’m fascinated to see the show tackle this new challenge.

My Wish List for Season 5

When I say “wish list”, I don’t mean to imply a series of demands. I have no creative control over the adaptation, and I’m not listing these wishes in the vain hope that someone on the production team will notice. This is just for fun, and I will be perfectly content if none of these make it into the show. Also, not all of these are pulled from the book; some of them are just things I would love to see.

So here are my top ten wishes, in no particular order:

Roger the Fangirl. In the midst of all the Roger-hate this past season, the OL fandom has forgotten one crucial fact: Roger is the ultimate J/C shipper. This romantic idiot is the whole reason that Claire went back in time to find Jamie! You’d think Jamie’s fists would have beaten the ship right out of Roger, but if last season proves anything, it’s that Roger doesn’t give up easily. He’s gonna keep shipping like his life depends on it, and there are some really cute moments in TFC where he fangirls over how adorable Jamie and Claire are together (also, Jamie is going to become his new idol). I suppose it would be unrealistic to hope that he and Murtagh form a fan club next season...?

Brothers and Sisters. Am I the only one who wanted to scream when Brianna and Fergus were right next to each other in the Wilmington jail and they didn’t acknowledge each other? By the end of S4, we don’t even know whether Fergus and Marsali know about Bree’s existence (I mean, Fergus helped capture Bonnet, but he and Marsali didn’t say a word about Bree), and that frustrates me to no end. The books skipped over the getting-to-know-you stuff too, which is crazy considering that they are siblings (adopted or not)! I would kill for a scene where Jamie and Claire are struggling to explain why they have a fully-grown daughter, as well as some bonding time between siblings. Bree and Marsali are definitely going to get along, cause badass women stick together.

The Snake Bite. The snake bite incident (aftermath included) is one of my favorite sequences in TFC. It brings Roger and Jamie closer together, it shows the courage of the Fraser women in a crisis, and it rallies the entire Ridge community in their worry for Jamie. I suppose it’s sadistic of me, but I loved watching everyone freak out when they thought Jamie was going to die or lose a leg. And then the 20th century women come to the rescue! An entire episode dedicated to that whole plotline would be amazing.

Grannie and Grand-da. Claire and Jamie are not only adorable as grandparents, they’re relatable AF. They might love their new grandson to pieces, but that’s not going to stop them from being honest about the realities of childcare. Jamie in particular is hilarious; he builds an entire house at top speed to get away from the screeching baby (and his newly reunited parents), and then he compares Bree unflatteringly to the white sow (not to her face, of course; see Chapter 30 for a good laugh). I’d love to see that side of Jamie and Claire next season.

Wolf’s Brother. We might have said a tearful goodbye to Young Ian in the S4 finale, but we haven’t seen the last of him. My guess is that he’s going to make a dramatic reappearance in the S5 finale, but I really hope we see him before then. Showing Young Ian’s time among the Mohawk would give Outlander a chance to showcase the amazing First Nations actors that appeared in S4 (Braeden Clarke, anyone?) as well as explore how Ian slowly blends his Highland upbringing with Mohawk customs.

Claire the Science Nerd. So far all of Claire’s medical expertise has been utilized in life-or-death situations, but establishing a medical practice on the Ridge gives her the opportunity to geek out over plants and experiment in reproducing 20th century medicine in the 18th century. Over the course of TFC, she gives genetics lessons, performs two tonsillectomies, and produces penicillin (among other things). This passion for her craft is one of the reasons I love Claire so much. And her nerd moments aren’t always serious: one of my favorite scenes in the book features Claire and her microscope giving Jamie a hilarious lesson in reproductive biology.

Fraser’s Ridge. We didn’t get to see much of the Ridge community in S4, although Jamie did allude to the farmers who contributed the grain to make whisky. The community is comprised of a growing array of Scottish immigrants, and the drama they bring to Claire and Jamie’s lives wavers between amusing and disastrous. I don’t think the show will have time to explore the entire cast of characters, but I’m hoping to see Thomas Christie and his children introduced, at least. I’ve always found Tom Christie a strangely compelling character; his children, on the other hand, are nothing more than a necessary evil. I also really hope we meet the twins, Josiah and Keziah Beardsley (Lizzie’s story is about to get really interesting).

The MacKenzie Bloodline. Despite all the time-traveling she’s been doing, Claire has yet to meet any of her ancestors (that we know of... DG might be holding out on us). Roger, on the other hand, is not going to be so lucky (if you’ve read all eight books, you’ll know that Roger runs into his ancestors A LOT). By the end of S4, I’m not sure Jamie is aware that his daughter is married to Geillis Duncan and Dougal MacKenzie’s descendant, but I wanna be there when he and Murtagh find out (a perfect opportunity for some good dialogue and tension). And while Roger may be able to explain his ancestry to Jamie and Murtagh (both of whom are fully aware of the existence of time travel), he’s not going to be able to give the same explanation to Jocasta. In the beginning of TFC, there’s a really great conversation between Jocasta and Roger where Jocasta is kinda fishing around for clues about Roger’s family. Roger, of course, can’t tell her that he’s actually her great-great-grandnephew (give or take a few ‘great’s). My hope is that the show includes some version of this conversation and continues to play around with Roger’s MacKenzie heritage (and all its implications).

Future Talk. With three time-travelers in the family, there’s bound to be some discussion of the future. Especially with the tension mounting in North Carolina and Murtagh aligning himself with the Regulators. I am yearning for some deep discussion between Jamie, Murtagh, and the travelers about the events to come. I have a hunch that either Claire or Bree has already informed Murtagh about the American Revolution, based on a comment he made to Jocasta about a “different ending”, but I want to see it actually played out on screen. The interplay between the characters who know the future and those who don’t is fascinating to me, and I want more of it.

Jamie the Protector. Jamie’s protective instincts have had some disastrous consequences this past season, but he is going to redeem himself next season. Early on in TFC, Jamie claims Roger as the “son of his house”, and he proceeds to stand by that claim throughout the book, especially in the aftermath of Roger’s wrongful hanging at the hands of Governor Tryon. This time, Jamie’s protective feelings aren’t going to result in a beating, though it’s a close call. I love this shift, from Jamie beating Roger to Jamie protecting/avenging Roger; it’s a very satisfying development.

Bonus: Geese. Brianna and Roger may have a child together, but they have never lived together as a married couple. They also don’t have very much experience being in a serious relationship (S4 showed us that they really don’t know how to argue properly). However, they have both grown up quite a bit since their hand fasting, and you get to see them learning how to coexist in Chapter 33 of TFC. It’s a great scene, where Roger’s just come back with the militia, and he and Bree have a meaningless fight because she hasn’t had it easy since the militia left. But they resolve their argument peacefully as Bree vents her frustrations to Roger and gives him a drawing of some geese as a Christmas present. A really wonderful everyday moment.

There are, of course, more things I’d like to see, but these are my favorites. I thought I’d list them out now, since this is going to be a LONG Droughtlander, and I am sure to get obsessed with something else eventually (the new A Discovery of Witches show looks promising). Also, I’m going to temporarily forget about Season 5 if Bees comes out first.

What are your wishes for Season 5? If you choose to respond, please be kind and respectful.

#a few wishes #so bored #outlander #outlander season 5 #the fiery cross

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