#I know I wasn’t very active here and i honestly don’t know if/when I’ll make another nsfw/suggestive art blog

[pillowprinx]

if you’re following my main and/or art blog then you’ll already know I’m remaking blogs, I don’t know if I’ll be remaking this blog any time soon but if you’d like to know if/when that happens then you’ll have to follow my new blogs

#whimsy whispers #also remaking my discord account for the same reason as why I’m remaking blogs #as mentioned on my other blogs I’m not saying my new urls publicly so you’ll have to message me for the new urls #I don’t think the people I’m trying to prevent from finding my blogs knows of this blog cause I only gave this url to people through dms #but like I’m still paranoid about the possibility of certain people monitoring my blogs and somehow finding this one #I’m honestly a bit worried they’ll still find my new blogs despite all the effort I’m going through to make sure they don’t but idk #I’m not sure if that can be helped or not #but yeah farewell thanks for following this blog #I know I wasn’t very active here and i honestly don’t know if/when I’ll make another nsfw/suggestive art blog #it’s fun art to do just like as said on main and my art blog I’m burnt out uninspired and just don’t find much joy in art lately so #anyways yeah message my other blogs if you’re interesting in following me to my new accounts toodles

[straykeedz]

day 9: bang chan + corruption kink

©straykeedz

tw: brother’s best friend!chan; reader is inexperienced; very brief hand job; oral sex (both m and f receiving); chan kinda kink-shames himself; fingering (f); chan praising the reader; cum swallowing; implied first time sex and loss of virginity (they basically have sex off screen lol); ♡

wc: 5,6k (I’M SORRY THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE 3K MAX I DON’T KNOW HOW IT ENDED UP BEING 5 🫣)

i’m honestly not proud of this lol i changed my mind like a million times while writing this and i still don’t like it but then i thought fuck it and here we are - this was a lot better in my imagination i swear 🥲

this is part of my kinktober masterlist. you can find my regular masterlist here (tho it will not be updated until the end of kinktober) ♡

🔖 (open): @linos-kitten ; @luneskies ; @kxcies-blog ; @idunnomanmynamewastaken ; @cessixja ; @stolasisyourparent ; @kookiesbunny ; @xoxo-xoxo-bunny ; @ivyskzsworld ; @mal-lunar-28 ; @leetaste ; @sunnykynnie ; @channiesgoodgirl ; @seonghwatoothless ; @mrsminho ; @seungminluv3 ; @jin-from-the-block ; @aaasia111 ; @sulkygyu ; @whosanaanyway ; @y-ur--I ; @vixensss ; @nightimescapes ; @freckleboilix ; @dreamingaboutjisung ; @yourbeomiebear ; ♡ ♡

to make sure i add you to the taglist, your age must be clearly visible on your profile. also, empty blogs will not be added - add at least a profile picture to your blog so that i’ll know you’re not a bot. ♡

smut below the cut, minors dni.

⚀

Chan almost falls from the couch when he hears those words - eyes wide as he stares at you like you just told him the most absurd thing in the world. Okay, maybe it is the most absurd thing in the world - or maybe you’re just not supposed to tell your brother’s best friend, who knows? Either way, you’re in too deep now, and Chan looks like he’s about to have a stroke in your living room. 

“Y/n…”, he clears his throat, cheeks flushing slightly pink as he thinks about what to say next. “As your brother’s best friend it’s my duty to tell you that this…”, he trails, and you can already feel your heart drop at what he just said, even though it’s true - he is your brother’s best friend “…is a terrible idea.”, he concludes. 

“Why?”, you furrow your eyebrows, taking a sip of your smoothie. 

He struggles to find the right words to say, that much is clear. You can see it in the way he nervously fidgets with the hem of his oversized sweatshirt, or the way he’s constantly trying to swallow the lump in his throat, though unsuccessfully. Eventually, he figures there’s no right way to say what he has in mind, he just has to say the damn words out loud. 

“Because, y/n…”, he stutters, and you find it cute - seeing him so flustered and clearly embarrassed. “It has to be with someone special, someone you love and who loves you back.”, he explains. “Not with a random dude. It’s your first time, it should be special.”, he concludes. 

Not once in his life Chan thought he’d find himself talking about your sex life while being next to you, on your couch, in your living room. You, his best friend’s sister. Not once he thought he’d find himself lecturing you about how important it is to have your first time with somebody you care about. Yeah, Chan definitely wasn’t prepared for that. He doesn’t even remember how you ended up talking about this in the first place - one minute you were just chilling on the couch waiting for your brother to come home, and the next thing he knew you were complaining to him about the guy you were seeing and your lack of sexual activity. Poor Chan almost choked on his beverage when those words left your lips. 

“Technically, I was about to have my first time.”, you correct him. “It’s not my fault he came before he even put it in and disappeared without a trace because he was too embarrassed.”, you shrug. 

Chan is speechless, tips of his ears red as he listens to your words. He can’t believe he’s having this conversation with Jisung’s sister - you, who’d cry and throw tantrums if your brother won’t let her win while playing video games when you were a little girl. You, who - Chan realizes - are not a little girl anymore. You’re a grown woman now - who dates and is interested in boys and… sex, apparently. 

“I think… you shouldn’t be talking to me about this.” Chan clears his throat. “You should talk with a friend or something.”

“I thought we were friends.”, you tease him. 

“You know what I mean.” Chan sighs. “Like, a girl friend. I’m not- I don’t know what to say besides that I really think you should be doing it with the right person.” 

Chan mentally pats himself on the shoulder - he feels like he did a great job, didn’t he? That’s what he’s supposed to tell his brother’s sister when she asks him for advices in that field, right? Be a good friend and try to prevent you from making stupid decisions that could potentially ruin your life. 

“Please.”, you scoff, rolling your eyes at him. “I gave up on the prince charming delusion a long time ago.”, you chuckle bitterly. 

Chan doesn’t know anything about your private life, now that you think about it. He doesn’t know that you weren’t really into that guy and only went out with him a couple of times because you felt like you were missing out on something, he doesn’t know that you don’t really believe in love since the person you want to be with won’t ever reciprocate your feelings. He doesn’t know any of these things - so maybe coming to him for advice was the wrong decision. 

“You don’t believe there’s the perfect guy for you out there?” Chan inquires, furrowing his eyebrows as he stares at you confused. Part of him is glad the conversation shifted to a less mature topic. 

“Do you?”

“It’s impolite to answer one’s question with another question.” Chan points out, and feels like he just dodged a very dangerous bullet. 

You do. You do believe there’s someone who’s perfect for you, who’d treat you just right and make you the happiest human in the whole world, the problem is - you think it’s Chan, but you can’t tell him that. You can’t tell him you always had a soft spot for him, you can’t tell him you wish he weren’t friends with your brother - things would be easier that way. You can’t tell him any of that. 

“It would never work out.”, you cut it short. 

“Oh, so there is someone.” Chan teases. “Why are you being so pessimistic? Why would it never work out?”, he asks. 

“It’s complicated.”, you try to avoid answer his question directly. “Plus, I’m sure he doesn’t even see me as a woman.”, you let out a bitter chuckle as you fidget with your rings. 

“Now, what does this even mean?” Chan looks at you with a confused expression, an eyebrow quirked at you. “Why wouldn’t he see you as a woman?”, he inquires.

Who could this guy possibly be?, Chan can’t help but wonder. He must be blind or something. You are a woman, a beautiful, stunning woman - with the curves in the right places and the prettiest smile Chan’s ever seen. This guy must be really stupid and he’s missing out on a lot, Chan thinks. 

“Chan…”, you swallow the lump in your throat. “Do you? See me… as a woman?” And not only as your best friend’s sister?, you want to add.

Chan thinks is about to have a stroke, but luckily for him his phone rings - saving him from having to answer your question. However, you don’t miss the way his eyes widen and body freezes, and it hits you - he’ll never see you like you see him. You’ll be nothing more than Jisung’s sister in his eyes, and you’ll never stand a chance. You’ll never get the chance to be the one who makes him happy. 

“N-Never mind.”, you mutter, tears already prickling in your eyes as you stand up from the couch and head to your bedroom, closing the door behind you. 

-

What feels like an eternity later but are, probably, ten minutes - someone knocks on your door. Someone being Chan, but from the other side of the door you can’t know it. For all you know, it could be your brother or, you know, a murderer - which seems to be a better option than facing Chan right now anyways. 

But of course it’s Chan. 

“Y/n?”, he calls softly from the hallway. 

You could pretend to be asleep. Or just ignore him and pretend you were wearing headphones and didn’t hear him if he ever brings up the subject. Maybe the earth could swallow you whole. Maybe an asteroid could blow up the Earth in about five seconds to save you from the embarrassment of having to face Chan after the madness that took place in your living room? Your hopes on the asteroid are high. But the five seconds eventually pass, and you’re still in your bedroom, very much alive, and Chan is still on the other side of the door. 

“What do you want?”, your intention was to sound brave and strong, but your voice is incredibly little as you speak. You get closer to the door, but you don’t open it.

He hesitates. “Your… uh, it was your brother - on the phone.”, he clears his throat. “He’s gonna come home late. Apparently there’s been a car crash and the main road is completely blocked, he’s bottled up in traffic.”, he explains. 

“Oh.”

So that’s why he’s here. To pass the message of your brother. Not because he’d been thinking about your words and suddenly realized he loves you and wants to marry you and that you’re basically the love of his life and wants to have lots of babies with you? Disappointed, but not surprised. 

“I also wanted to…”, he hesitates. “Can we- can we talk?”

That damn asteroid better be on its way. 

“About what?”

You know what he wants to talk about, you’re not stupid. You felt so brave in the living room, ten minutes ago, and now? Now you’re staring at a closed door, heart beating loud in your chest as you’re trying to find a solution for the mess you created. Nobody but you. Not Chan, you.

“About… Can you… Could you open the door? Please.”

Giving up on the silly and improbable, yet not impossible, idea of the asteroid, you mentally pat yourself on the shoulder as you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, a few seconds away from closing the distance with Chan. Are you ready to face him? Not really. It wasn’t in your plans to end your night with being rejected by your crush, but hey - this is the life, you guess. 

When you swing the door open, he’s standing there, in his stupid oversized sweatshirt and tight jeans, looking absolutely fucking handsome and all you want to do is slam the door in his stupidly stunning face, get under the covers and basically never ever leave your bed again. How can someone look so hot in just a plain sweatshirt and skinny jeans, by the way?

You’re both clearly embarrassed - standing in front of each other awkwardly. What are you even supposed to say? He seems to be equally uncomfortable. 

“You can… come in.”, you mumble, stepping aside to let him inside your bedroom. You figure it’s better than discussing whatever it is that he wants to talk about standing on the doorstep of your room. 

It leads to you sitting uncomfortably on your bed, knees to your chest, and Chan sat on the gamin chair in your room, fidgeting with his rings, avoiding looking in your direction. You wonder what’s the point in being in the same room if neither of you is going to talk. 

“What did you want to ta-“

“Why did you ask me if I see you as a woman?”

You speak in unison, voices overlapping. Well, this is awkward. What’s even more awkward - is that you’re now staring at each other, looking each other in the eyes. Of course that’s what he wanted to talk about. 

You sigh. “It’s you.”

Chan looks at you confused, eyebrows furrowed as he asks - “Me?”, he genuinely doesn’t know what you’re referring to.

You nod. “You asked me if I believe there’s the perfect guy out there. It’s you.”

“Me?”, he asks again, this time in a high-pitched voice. 

You nod again.

“It’s always been you, Chan. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t notice before.”, you chuckle, breaking the eye contact, fidgeting with the hem of your pajama pants. “I’ve liked you since I was thirteen.”, you confess, blushing a bit, because it feels surreal - to tell him all of this, to pour his heart to him on a random Friday night, in your bedroom. 

He’s sincerely speechless, his brain still trying to process your words. You like him. You like him. Him, Bang Christopher Chan. Him. Since you were thirteen. And you think he’s the perfect guy for you. Him. And you think it’d never work out between you. Why would you think that? Oh, right, Jisung. And you think he doesn’t see you as a woman? You must be crazy. 

Noticing he’s been silent for a while now, you decide to break the silence, despite the palpable tension. “Listen, just- just forget everything. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”, you still wouldn’t look at him. “You can go on with your life pretending I didn’t just confess my feelings for you and I’ll go on pretending I don’t have them.”

Chan blinks a few times, looking at your figure. You look so delicate and fragile, hugging your knees to your chest, and he feels the need to protect you, to take care for you. 

“I can’t do that.”, he manages to say after what feels like an eternity. 

Your head immediately snaps in his direction, meeting his warm, chocolate eyes. “Why?”

Chan runs one hand through his hair, ruffling it a bit, then takes a deep breath. He stands up from your chair and sits on the bed next to you. You try not to cringe at the fact that he’s wearing his outside clothes on your freshly washed sheets - it’s not the focus right now, you can always change them and throw them in the washing machine. His clothes are definitely not the focus when he takes your hand in his, brushing your knuckles with his thumb. 

“Because I have feelings for you, too.”

If the asteroid is on its way, it better reverse right now.

“What?” Chan chuckles at your shocked expression, your jaw practically on the floor. 

He nods. “I always tried to ignore them, tho. You know, because of…” he doesn’t say his name, but you know he’s talking about your brother. “Have had them for a while now. Not as long as you, but long enough to know it’s not just a crush.”

It all feels surreal, but then Chan continues. 

“So, to answer your question - yes, I do see you as a woman.”, his words make your stomach twist - in a good way, of course. “A beautiful one at that.”, he whispers the last words. 

You swallow the lump in your throat. Automatically, you’re both leaning towards each other until your foreheads are pressed together and your noses brushing. You’re sure you’re blushing, and he’s flustered, too.

“Chan can you… can we kiss?”, you whisper.

Chan is taken aback by your request, but it makes his legs feel weak nonetheless. A million thoughts are running through his head right now, most of them featuring your brother, but in the end he comes to the conclusion that you’re both adults and that you can make your own decisions and deal with the consequences later, together. 

So, he closes his eyes and kisses you.

There’s nothing promiscuous in the way he presses his lips against yours, nothing dirty. It’s just a chaste, innocent kiss, however it makes your head spin nonetheless. His plump, soft lips feel a million times better than what you imagined. It’s you who decides to take a step further - deepening the kiss, biting and licking his lower lip, and Chan swears he can feel his soul leave his body. 

He doesn’t pull away. In fact, he places his hand on the nape of your neck and pulls you closer. In a matter of seconds, he’s laying on his back on your mattress, and you’re still kissing him, propped up on one elbow as you cup his face with your free hand. However, Chan’s body instantly freezes when he feels you moving said hand from his face to his jawline, then his neck, then his chest, then his abdomen, and then… he stops you before you can cup his hard-on by wrapping his hands around your wrists, gently. 

When he pulls away from the kiss, his lips are swollen, and it makes you throb knowing it’s because of you. Because he’s been kissing you. Tho, you look at him with a questioning look on your face. 

“Maybe we should wait.” Chan whispers, running his other hand through your hair. 

You blink a few times. “Oh - right. I’m sorry, it’s okay if you don’t want this.”, you mutter, embarrassed, breaking the eye contact. 

Chan is quick to say - “No, no, wait. I do want this - I want this very much.”, he clarifies. “It’s just - I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything. I can wait.”, he moves a lock of hair from your face, looking you in the eyes. 

You smile at him, a smile that warms his heart. “I want this, Chan. I’m not feeling pressured.”, you reassure him, tho he still doesn’t look convinced. 

“Are you sure?”, he inquires. You nod. “One hundred percent?” You nod again. 

“You said it before, that it should be with the right person.”, you repeat his words. “And I think you’re the one.”

You don’t recall how it happened, you only know that ten minutes later, both your and Chan’s clothes are scattered on the floor of your bedroom. He’s in his boxer, sitting on your bed, still kissing you, who are in just your oversized t-shirt and panties. His kisses slowly move from your lips to the corner of your mouth until he ends up kissing your jawline. By the time his lips brush the skin of your neck, you’re insanely wet, and can’t wait to feel him closer. 

When you cup his hard cock, albeit still confined in his underwear, Chan thinks he’s about to die right there, right now. That’s it. His life ends like this - with a platonic handjob over his black boxers. However, he feels very much alive when you touch him properly - your hand finding its way under the waistband, cock harder than a fucking piece of metal. 

“Oh, my God.”, he exhales after you give his length a long stroke. 

You pump his length a few more times, before your movements come to a halt. Chan looks at you with a questioning look on his face, concerned - is this making you uncomfortable? You don’t want this anymore? It’s perfectly fine if you don’t, he just wants to make sure you two are still okay. 

“I want to… try something, if that’s okay with you.”, you speak softly. 

Chan nods, then swallows the lump in his throat when you hook your fingers on the sides of his underwear, motioning for him to take them off. He does, standing up from the bed as he lets the dark piece of fabric slide down his thick thighs. Your eyes widen at the sight - you’ve never seen a more beautiful dick. Not that you’ve seen many in real life, only the one of the guy you dated for a short period of time but, you know, you’ve seen a lot in porn. And Chan’s is the prettiest of them all. Average length, you suppose, but a bit thicker and absolutely perfect. 

Chan is about to sit on the bed, when all of a sudden, in a matter of seconds, you’re kneeling right in front of him, making his heart jump in his throat. 

“It’s-… I…”, you stutter, clearly embarrassed. All the confidence you previously had suddenly vanished.

“You don’t have to.” Chan is quick to reassure you, caressing the top of your head, running his fingers through your hair. 

“I want to.”, you correct him. “It’s just - I’ve never done it before. I don’t… know how to.”, you confess, your puffy cheeks blushing a little as you admit you’ve never sucked a cock in your life to your ultimate crush. 

Chan feels a shiver running all over his body, and he doesn’t know why - but his cock gets even harder. It should feel wrong, to be so turned on by a confession, especially if it’s coming from your best friend’s sister. But you look so innocent, kneeling before him, your mouth is only a few inches away from his hard, leaking cock, and Chan can’t stop the dirty thoughts that are now running through his head. The thought of being the first cock you’ll wrap your lips around is making him go feral. Maybe he should stop you - it doesn’t feel right, he feels like he’s about to commit something morally wrong and unacceptable, betraying his own friend, corrupting your innocence like that, even though you told him you want it, you want him. 

“You- you really don’t have to.”, he repeats. 

“You already said that.”, you chuckle. “I really want to, tho, Chan.”, you say once again. “Just- tell me what to do. I want to make you feel good.”

Chan’s soul is definitely burning in hell, he’s gone too far for the Lord to save his soul now. You’re looking at him through your eyelashes, beautiful doe eyes staring into his soul, and for a second there - it feels like you’re the one corrupting him, tempting him, driving him crazy. 

“It’s- just… you can start by, uh- licking the underside.”, the words that leave his mouth sound even dirtier because he’s saying them to you. 

You nod, still looking him in the eye as you proceed to do exactly what he said, wrapping your hand around his base. You lick your lips, damping them, and Chan feels like he’s about to have a stroke. And then, before he has the time to process what’s taking place in your bedroom, he feels your warm, wet tongue on his cock, and a loud sound falls from his lips. You do as he said, licking a long stripe that goes from his thick base to his leaking tip.

“D-Do that again.”, he chokes. 

It shouldn’t feel go good, it shouldn’t feel so good, it shouldn’t feel so good - that’s what he keeps thinking. You repeat your last action - licking the underside of his hard member once again, collecting the little drop of pre-cum that leaked from his tip, tasting him, and his mind feels suddenly empty. 

“Fuck- you drive me crazy.”, he closes his eyes, the sight of your mouth on his cock is too much for him to take. “Now take- take the tip inside. Just the tip.”, he instructs. 

You nod, then wrap your lips around his cockhead. Chan has had his fair share of blowjobs throughout his life - but he swears none of them ever felt this way. Because none of the girls was you, that’s the harsh truth he has to accept. He hisses at the sight of your small mouth around his not-so-small dick, your pretty eyes still still staring at him as you witness him unravel under your touch. 

“Now s-suck”, he stutters. 

He brings his hand on your face as he watches you take his cock in your mouth - when suddenly he finds himself thinking of forbidden thoughts. For instance, that his is the first cock you sucked, that no one else before him had the privilege. He’s your first time doing something so promiscuous. He has you in a way no one has ever had you, and it’s making him going feral.

“Try a bit deeper now, love.”

You moan around his length at the pet name, and Chan can clearly see you clenching your legs as an attempt at relieving some of the tension you’re feeling. He wants to tell you that you don’t have to worry - that he’s going to take care of you, that he’s in charge of your pleasure tonight and, hopefully, from now on. 

To be honest, you’re not skilled enough to take his whole length in, of course, and only manage to take half of it without choking on it, being careful not to hurt him with your teeth, but it’s more than enough for Chan - to be honest, he’s already practically detaining himself from orgasming.

“I’m- I’m so close”, he pants, entangling his fingers in your hair. “I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that.”, he warns you. 

You have no intention of pulling away, not when you’re about to see him lose himself in his pleasure. You feel incredibly proud at the thought that it’s because of you. You suck harder, tasting him against your tongue, wanting to make him feel good, better.

“Seriously…”, he hisses, feeling the familiar warmth in his lower abdomen. “I’m - so close.”, he moans. You don’t pull away; in fact, you suck harder. “I’m- fuck, fuck, I’m cumming.”

He shoots inside your mouth before he can stop himself, filling your mouth with his release, kicking his head back and closing his eyes as sweet sounds escape his parted lips and his body is shaken by a shiver. You’re curious about how he tastes, and that encourages you to swallow his release. You read a lot about what cum tastes like - some like it, others absolutely despite it; you have to admit, it tastes differently than what you expected, but not necessarily in a bad way. 

“I’m sorry.”, Chan pants, not fully recovered from his intense high. You frown, looking at him confused. “For… you know, finishing in your mouth.”, he mumbles. 

You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, then smile at him, cheeks red. “Don’t be, I wanted you to.”, you admit. “I liked it.”

Despite coming, Chan’s dick is still hard, and he’s nearly ready to go again. Not without giving you an equally mind-blowing orgasm in return. Soon, you’re lying on your bed with his body between your legs, his lips on yours, hard cock pressed against your clothed cunt, rubbing against your most sensitive spot, making you whimper. 

“Can I return the favor?”, he whispers on your lips, eyes staring into yours. 

You nod timidly, which is ridiculous considering the fact you had his cock in your mouth only a couple of minutes ago, but it’s different now. He helps you take off your oversized t-shirt, letting it fall on the floor without a care in the world, revealing your naked chest to him and you suddenly feel exposed. The next thing he does is hook his fingers on each side of your panties and slowly slide them down your legs, taking in the sight of your naked body, a sight that makes his head spin. 

“You’re so beautiful.”, he mumbles, placing a soft kiss on your navel which makes you shiver, getting goosebumps all over your naked body. 

He leaves a series of kisses that go from your navel to your groin, but he doesn’t touch you right where you need him the most. Instead, he kisses your inner thigh, licking and scraping the soft flesh with his teeth, before he brings two fingers to his mouth, coating them in his own spit. Your eyes widen and your breath gets caught in your throat when he places those fingers precisely on your clit - finding it on the first try. He continues kissing you inner thigh as he touches your clit, moving his fingers in a circular motion, albeit slowly as his kisses get closer and closer to your sweet spot. 

The moan that leaves your lips when he wraps his plump lips around your clit has him buckling his hips against the sheets in desperate need of some friction. He touches you there with his fingers, lips and tongue at the same time. Then, he drags his fingers all the way to your entrance, still making out with your clit as wet sounds fill your bedroom, but feels you freeze under his touch. 

“Can I?”, he asks, then places another kiss on your clit as his head snaps up in your direction. 

You prop yourself on your elbows, and nod slowly. “It’s… No one has ever…you know.”, you’re a bit embarrassed to admit, even though it’s perfectly normal. 

“Not even… you?” Chan’s a bit embarrassed to ask you such a personal question.

You shake your head as a no, and blush a little. “I usually, uh… do it from the outside.”

Here it is again - the warmth in Chan’s stomach, the shiver down his spine. He takes a deep breath, shaking his head, as his fingers circle your wet entrance. 

“Don’t do this to me…”, he sighs, his hair tickling the skin of your inner thigh. 

“Do what?”, you ask, confused. 

“You… keep saying these things to me and it makes me wanna-“, he rests his forehead on your belly, one arm wrapped around your leg and his fingers on your cunt. The words die in his mouth. 

“It makes you wanna?”, you run one hand through his dark chocolate hair, encouraging him to continue. 

He sighs. “It makes me wanna have you.”, he mumbles against your skin. “In way no one has had you, in ways that feel… forbidden. It shouldn’t turn me on this much.”, he shamefully admits. “It feels almost… wrong, you know?”

“What feels wrong?”

“That I’m turned on by the idea of being your first.”, he exhales. “Before, when you, uh… you don’t know the effect it had on me - seeing you with your lips around me, knowing that I was your first…”, he groans out of frustration. 

You can’t help but chuckle at his confession. “Are you saying you’re feeling guilty because the idea of having sex with me turns you on?”

He sighs, still avoiding eye-contact with you. “It’s not just that.”, he shakes his head. “It’s the thought of being the first to do certain kind of things to you, you know? It feels like… I’m corrupting your innocence or something.”, he whispers the last words, ashamed of himself for voicing that thought. 

“Chan, hey…”, his eyes finally meet yours. You smile warmly at him, showing him that you’re not turned off, neither grossed out by his confession. “It’s okay.”, you reassure him. “It turns me on, too - that you’re the first to do these kind of things to me. You don’t know how many times I thought about this.”

Chan whimpers almost instinctively at your confession. “Really?”

You nod. “It feels so good - knowing that it’s not a dream this time, that it’s all real.”

He begins to slowly move his fingers up and down your slit once again, feeling how wet you are for him, and suddenly he feels less bad about the whole situation - especially after learning that you feel the same about this. He nods, suddenly a lot more confident, then he resumes leaving kisses on your most intimate spot, bringing his lips and tongue back to where they previously were - on your clit, making you whimper. 

“Tell me if it hurts.”, he whispers against your skin, and then you feel his fingers poking at your entrance. 

Then, he lets the tip of his index slip inside, and you both let out a choked moan - him, because of how tight you feel around his digit; you, because, as opposed to what you were expecting, it doesn’t hurt at all, and it’s not uncomfortable either. Or maybe, you’re just super wet and impatient. 

“Good?” Chan asks you once his finger is fully inside of you. 

You nod vigorously. “Good.”, you confirm. 

He resumes making out with your clit, only this time he slowly pumps his finger inside of you, stretching you open, albeit only slightly. He adds a second finger not too long later, delicately as he pushes it inside your tight walls, careful not to hurt you, getting you to adjust to the feeling. A few minutes later, you recognize the familiar warmth in your stomach, signaling your orgasm is close - how could it not be, when Chan’s eating you out like you’re his favorite meal, swirling his tongue around your clit and sucking it while pumping his fingers inside of you?

“Channie, I-“ A couple of long sucks on your clit make you reach your high - releasing around Chan’s fingers with a muffled whimper, legs shaking from the intensity of your orgasm. 

Chan licks the residual of your arousal from his fingers, moaning as soon as he gets to taste you. “So sweet, love.”, he mumbles, body pressed against yours, face buried in the crook of your neck, peppering your skin with soft kisses. 

You run your fingers through his hair, still trying to catch your breath. After a few seconds spent in complete silence, you murmur - “Chan?”

“Hm?”

“I kind of… want more.”

He snaps his head in your direction, looking at you with wide eyes, as if he’s not sure he heard you right. “More?”, he asks. You nod. “Are you sure, love?” You nod once again. “It’s… a big deal I mean - it’s your first time.”, 

“I’m sure.”, you tell him, and he can tell you’re being honest  “I want it to be with you.” Chan can feel his cock practically throb, tightly pressed against his body and yours - you can feel it. “You don’t want to?”, you ask him, one hand in his hair and the other one caressing his arm and shoulder. “You don’t want to fuck me?”, you whisper on his lips, and he gulps.

You kiss his lips, then his jawline, then nibble his ear - “You don’t want to be my first? Take my virginity?”, you whisper in his ear, and don’t miss the way his body shivers on top of yours - mouth agape as he pants.

“Fuck.”

“Do you want it, Channie?”, you practically moan as you start kissing his neck. “Take me in a way no one has ever done? Make me yours?” 

He instinctively starts to grind his cock against your body in desperate need for friction as the wildest, dirtiest thoughts are running through his head. “Fuck - I do.”, he whimpers when he feels your wetness starting to drip from your pussy, coating his balls as he keeps on grinding against you. “I do. So bad, love. Wanna make you mine.”, he moans. “Wanna be the first to fuck this pretty pussy - fuck, I want to be the last. Wanna make you cum around my cock, fuck. I want it so bad, love.”, he pants, eyes closed as his whole body is a shivering mess. 

“Then take me.”

⚀

-> don't forget to reblog to support me if you enjoyed reading my works and to let me know your thoughts, i love reading your feedbacks! ♡

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[nburkhardt]

Here is an angsty thing with a happy ending! (Please note: this takes place BEFORE seasons 3 & 4 but after demodogs.)

Pray for the Ground to Swallow Me Whole

He’ll eventually thank her for the domino effect she caused. It’ll be the best thing to happen to him, even if it meant leaving town very premature.

But for now, his heart hurts and his eyes are burning from holding the tears back. For now he’ll stand here and listen to words that’ll haunt him, to faintly be reminded of times when he was an ignorant asshole that only cared about himself and didn’t bother thinking of his actions.

Truthfully, he sorta thought this would happen.

The only ones who actually actively engaged with him was the kids, especially Dustin and Lucas. But if he was being truly honest with himself, a nasty voice in the back of his head always told him they just liked him because he saved them. He tried not letting that get to him.

Currently though? That nasty voice is whispering and it’s not just a voice in his head anymore.

The voice just sounds a lot like Joyce Byers.

“- you did help him and I’ll always be grateful for that. Honestly. But I also remember him coming home from school and telling me about this kid, this jerk who laughed and poked fun at him,” Joyce stops to take a breather, crossing her arms and looking disappointed as if he wasn’t already used to that kind of look, “It actually makes me very uncomfortable to have you around, you have to understand that?”

He choked down a defense and sob, blinked hard before looking away with a nod. Listening to this for the last twenty minutes has broken him down faster than Nancy calling him “bullshit”.

“Yes, Mrs. Byers, I’ll-I’ll leave your family alone”

She nodded, “I’d appreciate that, Steve. But I’m not just talking about my family”

He’s hit with ice and dread. Freezes up and looks back at her, “wha-what do you mean? I’m sorry, I’m confused”

“I don’t think it’s really appropriate for you to be around Will and his friends. With my knowledge of what Jon told me about you and the fact you are five years older than them. It would make a lot of their parents uncomfortable too. Don’t you know that?” She’s speaking softly now, like she’s talking to a scared animal.

And maybe she is, he feels like it.

He shakes his head, not to her though. To himself, shaking the memories of hang outs with the Henderson family. Memories of Claudia Henderson making extra food- “just in case, dear! You can even have leftovers for tomorrow!” And Dustin biking over just to tell him about the newest movie he wants to see- “we absolutely have to go, Steve! It’s gonna be a classic, trust me!”

The memory of Claudia hugging him close, telling him “such a blessing, sweetie! You’ll always be welcomed here” that still makes him cry late at night in his empty quiet home.

He avoids looking at Joyce, trying to figure out a way to get away.

“I- uh, I gotta, if you’ll excuse me” he mumbles and doesn’t smile or even look directly at her. Just moves around her to leave, as he walks out and overhears the excited voices calling for him, he ignores them and keeps his head down to avoid showing them how red his cheeks are in embarrassment and how much he’s holding back tears.

Without saying goodbye, he gets into his car and drives.

He doesn’t know how long he drives, doesn’t know where he’s going. Just driving to get away, to avoid listening to Joyce’s words that are already taunting him in his head. Slowly mixing in with “you’re bullshit” and “run away, Steve, always running away!” and all the disappointed sighs and taunts from his father.

The car picks the location for him, gas running low and he’s forced to stop at Lovers Lake. Pulling to a stop and turning his car off, he sits in silence. Staring ahead at the lake, eyes still burning.

It’s a long time as he just sits there. In silence.

Rubbing his eyes to get the tears to go away, there’s no reason to cry. She is right, he was an asshole and it is inappropriate for a eighteen year old to hang around thirteen year olds.

Even more inappropriate to hang around a house where he isn’t welcomed.

He rests his head against the steering wheel, arms around it and his knuckles turning white from how hard his gripping the wheel. His eyes burn and he laughs a bitter sound, lightly hitting his head against the wheel. “Fucking, knock it off, get yourself together” he mumbles and it’s weak, he chokes back another sob as he squeezes his eyes shut.

There’s a knock on his window that makes him flinch hard, eyes are wide and he’s immediately aware of how fucking stupid he was to let his guard down like that. Looking next to him he flinches again, not because he’s scared but because of who’s standing there.

Of all the people to find him right now, during probably his lowest point ever, is the local drug dealer. The twice senior and King of the Freaks, Eddie Munson.

“Hey man, uh, you okay?”

Shaking his head, he rests it back on his headrest taking a breath before rolling the window down. Munson takes a step back, he only knows because of the chains hanging from the guy’s pants.

“All good, Munson” he lies straight through his teeth, he doesn’t need to see how red his face is with how warm it feels. And his hands actually hurt now from how hard he was gripping the wheel, “i didn’t- uh, see anything.”

Since he’s leaning his head back on the headrest with eyes closed, he doesn’t see how Munson reacts. The only noise is just nature, birds chirping and the wind hitting leaves. He doesn’t even hear Munson moving, so opening his eyes he looks over and finds the guy standing there with an odd look on his face.

“Look, I’ll just- fuck,” he knocks his head back before rolling the window up and turning his car off, climbing out and avoiding looking directly at the guy. “I’m gonna just go”

Doesn’t bother waiting for something back, it’s been long enough in his own pity party. Now, he just needs to walk home and figure out how he’ll go about life without seeing the Henderson family and the rest of the kids.

“Are you walking? What the fuck, just leaving your car here?” Munson shouts out at him.

He glances back at his car then at Munson, slowing to a stop. “Why do you care?”

It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, why would this guy care whether he leaves his car here? It’s only Hawkins, no one is going to steal his car. You’re more likely gonna come across a monster around than a stolen car.

Especially not at Lover’s Lake. Also why care about him? He’s an asshole and everything Munson hates and loudly announces at lunch.

He shakes his head and starts walking again, taking the silence that Munson doesn’t actually care about him. It doesn’t hurt to admit another person doesn’t like him, he honestly would be shocked if someone did like him.

What really hurts is the fake worry, the questioning, the fake concern and the curiosity.

He’s going to continue to walk home that’ll take him a few hours and will only make it back by dark. Without a weapon, without the bat to hold, because he left that in his car and Munson is still here. Can’t let him ask anymore questions.

“-sus Christ! Jesus, slow the fuck down Harrington!” Munson sounds out of breath, a lot closer too.

He flinches when a hand lands on his arm, “What? What do you want?” He turns and shakes the hand off, “if someone steals it, whatever. It- it doesn’t matter.”

Munson squints at him, looking confused, “Dude, wait, why are you crying?”

Touching his face, he laughs and it sounds so wrong. He is crying, didn’t even realize it was happening. Shaking his head, he turns around and doesn’t bother answering.

“Come on, Harrington!” Munson grabs hold of his shoulder and his grip is rough, “look, I’m sorry if you want to be alone but fuck, dude, you look like shit and crying alone is the worst. So, why don’t I give you a ride to whoe-“

Shaking his head, “like I have anyone to run to right now”

There’s a flash of Claudia and Dustin Henderson in his head and he wants, thinks that they’d shake him and hug him tight if they knew what was said and how it’s haunting him already. Won’t go away, it just brings more tears.

Munson’s silent and his hand drops, leaving behind a faint pressure and that hurts too.

“God, I’m so pathetic right now.”

“Nah, just lonely it seems”

His eyes snap to Munson and his hands are shoved into his jacket, kicking his foot before looking back at him, “I won’t judge, seriously. Let me help, even if it’s just to give you a ride”

“Just a ride?”

Munson nods, “just a ride, unless you change your mind”

He nods, taking a deep breath before stepping towards Munson, “okay, you can, um. Take me home?”

A smile spreads across Munson’s face and he takes his hands out to swing them towards where his van most likely is, “your chariot awaits, good sir!”

Despite his mood and how this might possibly be one of the worst days of his life, he cracks a tiny smile. Just enough to squeeze at his heart, actually.

Walking along side Munson is quiet, it’s a little peaceful. If he remembers correctly, Munson was never this quiet before. Always talking or laughing or yelling, he’s loud and sometimes overly obnoxious.

This is nice. Actually really nice, this quiet with him.

They make it to the van and the ride isn’t the same quiet but it’s still there. He can feel it deep in his bones now.

That this, right here, is peaceful.

Hello! This whole thing originally started back in May and I lost a little interest in this particular WIP, so I stopped and it’s been in my drafts since. Then I kept getting writers block, still have it tbh. But I read it back today and decided I can technically turn this into a two part fic instead of a one shot soo, it’s finally being shared!

I want to be clear that it’s an AU from after the demodogs and everything after that won’t be the same. And that I have nothing against Joyce but I thought “what if it was someone else than made Steve leave/didn’t like Steve?” guess who I picked 😇 plus we have enough Hopper & Joyce adopt Steve fics, we need a little more of them not doing that. Also!! There should be more fics of them being wrong, that they’re being judgmental and need consequences for their words & actions.

Anyway! I’m automatically assuming only a few people will read this far into my rambling. And if you did I love you, you get a platonic forehead kiss ☺️

Permanent Taglist: @spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @gregre369 @zerokrox-blog @flustratedcas @carlprocastinator1000 @marvelmwah @solliesolesito @navnae @i-less-than-three-you @grimmfitzz @estrellami-1 @cartercaptainofthemoon @strangersteddierthings

#steve harrington #eddie munson #joyce byers #stranger things #pre steddie #steve needs a hug #fic #nburkhardt writes #steve harrington fic #angst #hurt and no comfort #sorry but it’s just not there rn #eventually this boy will get it #and trust there WILL be steddie #maybe I’ll write the second part in Claudia’s pov 🤔 #pray for the ground to shallow me whole

[goldsainz]

masterlist.

a/n: this was going to be longer, but i just couldn’t get myself to do such a long piece. honestly, there’s not a lot of harry mentioning, but it’s still a fun piece, i’m just giving you crumbs. this isn’t the peak of my writing, especially since this is my first time doing second person POV, tumblr is making me try things id never thought i’d do!!

word count: 3,4k

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Y/N Y/LN Keeps A Straight Face While Eating Spicy Wings | Hot Ones 

The interview begins with you sat across Sean Evans, the line up of sauces making your heart beat a little faster, not sure how much spice you were actually able to bear.

“Hey everybody! Today we are joined by Y/N Y/L/N, who you may recognise from too many movies and shows to name! She is an Oscar nominated actress, Emmy Award Winner, and an overall talented person. Her most recent project, Don’t Worry Darling which comes out this September 23rd, is coming in no time, so don’t forget to buy your tickets.” Sean introduces you, a stifled laugh leaving your lips. “Y/N welcome to the show!”

“Thank you very much! I’m quite nervous right now, my manager said this could get spicy really quick, but I’m not sure what she meant by that.” You grinned, that signature, award winning smile plastered on your face.

“That depends on how good you are with spicy food, do you have a high tolerance?”

“I think so? It’s not something that scares me while ordering food, but I’m not actively seeking it. But seeing all of these hot sauces is making me sweat just a tad bit much right now.”

━━━━━━

“I’ve actually watched a couple of the Hot Ones interviews.” You confess, making Sean look impressed that you watched that sort of content.

“Now I have to know more, this is one of the best compliments I’ll get in a lifetime.” He then mutters something you didn’t quite get, but it seemed like a praise towards you.

“Well yeah, I sometimes scroll through Youtube, see it pop up, and someone I like is on the cover and I just click it. I used to go ‘Wow, thank god my manager would never make me go on that, don’t think my spice tolerance is that good’, but now I’m here so it seems like the tables have turned for me!” 

“I guess I don’t have to tell you how this works, or which sauces go first then.”

“I’ve taken some work off your hands!” You say with a laugh. 

“Let’s take a bite then, shall we?” Sean asks, while you nod your head and grab the first wing.

You take a bite, realising it wasn’t all that bad. In fact, it wasn’t bad at all, there was a hint of spice but nothing you couldn’t handle.

“Okay so how are we feeling with wing number one?”

“Pretty good, my confidence level is on a solid 8 for now.” You just knew you would take your words back a couple of wings later, but maybe if you lied to yourself a little it wouldn’t be that hard.

“You said in an interview a while back that you enjoyed cooking, especially spicy food because it was funny seeing how some people crumbled when eating certain dishes. Who would you say had the funniest reaction?” 

“I once cooked for Taylor Swift, she’s a good friend of mine who I’ve learnt doesn’t take spice as well as she says she does.” You admit, and if anyone wasn’t watching the interview and just hearing it, they’d almost be able to hear your smile. “I made a dish, I might’ve messed up the amount of chillies I put on it, and I didn’t realise it was that bad until she had tears in her eyes, I felt horrible about it!”

“Did she tell you it was too spicy?”

“She was trying to be nice about it, she was full on coughing, and her words were of comfort because she didn’t want me to feel bad!” Everyone in the room lets out a laugh at your words, nobody was really surprised to know that Taylor was just that sweet.

“Would you say Taylor is one of your closest friends in the industry?” It was a tough question, because being a close friend was such a different question for someone like you, someone who did what you did.

“She’s been through a lot with me, I’ve been through a lot with her. Sometimes we don’t talk as often as we would like, but when we do it’s like we had talked everyday.” 

“You met all the way back in 2014, right?” 

“At the Met Gala, it was my first one, it wasn’t hers though. We sat at the same table, we talked all throughout it, and the rest is history.”

━━━━━━

The second wing had proven to still be bearable. You weren’t quite sure when you would get hit with all the heat, but you were enjoying your time so far.

“Don’t Worry Darling was a process that took a while to make because of Covid. In fact, filming had to stop because a crew member tested positive, making you have to go through a quarantining process. What was it like filming with such heavy health regulations?” 

“It was hard, nothing was really like it used to be. Filming was still fun, but there were many things I hadn’t actually taken notice of until Covid started.” Your brows furrowed, a crease on your forehead present. “Kissing scenes were different, probably the ones we had to be the most precise while filming. They had us take a disinfectant mouthwash, which was very minty, at least it ensured your partner wouldn’t have bad breath!” You joked, lightening the mood of a heavy question.

“Was there a limit for the amount of times you could film such scenes?”

“For sure, we tried to make them work each time, there really wasn’t a lot of goofing around because it was a health risk just to film them. You couldn’t just improvise a kiss, you would have to consult with your partner if they were comfortable with the possibility of you doing that. Harry was always very respectful of boundaries, he never tried to do anything that crossed a line or could just be awkward in general.”

“Would you say that there had to be a lot of trust involved, more than the usual amount?” 

“Of course! Before Covid if you didn’t really like your partner you’d just film the scenes, talk with your intimacy coordinator about what crossed a boundary, what didn’t, and then you would just go on with your day. Now, you need to build a certain trust, like the one you’d have with a friend just to make the experience of filming a good one, and not have to shoot a million times because you can’t get the right look of love, or whatever you’re supposed to convey.” 

“That seems like a very exhausting process.” Sean says, and you just nod at his words, knowing that it was exhausting but also made you get to know the love of your life a lot sooner in the process. 

“I’m eyeing the third wing very hard right now, I didn’t eat a lot today so this is kind of my lunch.” 

“Let’s dig in then!” And that you do.

“Oh! This one hits you instantly, I wasn't really expecting it.” He laughs at your comment, but mostly at the straight face you had while eating your wing.

“It just keeps on hitting from now on!” You just throw your head back with a laugh, a groan slipping from your lips.

━━━━━━

“I’m gonna ask you a question, is that okay?” Many interviewers didn’t take it very well when you asked them questions, they felt as though you were taking up their job. So you had learnt it was better to ask and be turned down, than asking right away and having someone be mad backstage.

“Go for it!”

“If at some point I drink some milk, is that a sign of me starting to give up?” 

“No, definitely not. Most people drink milk to cleanse their palate, we are not gonna shame you on how well you are doing based on if you drink something or not.”

“Alright, I’m not gonna drink anything yet, but good to know.”

“If you don’t drink anything, then I won’t either.” He decided, making you laugh in response, you probably hadn’t laughed so much in an interview in a very long time.

“You are a very private person, do you find it difficult to manage your public life, your work life, from the private one?”

“I’ve gotten better over the years, when I didn’t have the exposure I had now, I didn’t worry about paparazzi catching moments I wanted to keep for myself.”

“Are relationships the hardest part?” There it was, the relationship question, at least it wasn’t a speculation over who it was. That much was appreciated.

“Maybe? If your partner is famous then it probably is, you don’t only have to balance the image you give for yourself but theirs too. If they’re not famous, then people will start spreading rumours over who they are, what they are doing with someone famous, it can become overwhelming very quickly.”

“But you don’t hide your relationships like some do, you just keep them private, is that correct?”

“Yeah, being someone’s secret isn’t nice. I keep the first months private just because you’re still getting to know each other, and having those moments ruined by the public is not what I want.” 

“I’m sure that what you do want is this fourth wing!” You were grateful for Sean’s ability to make his guests comfortable, to make the awkwardness not so overbearing. 

“I sure do, Sean!”

You both take a bite, the flavours are good and you remain with a straight face, even when the heat does creep up.

“I’m loving the composure you’re maintaining.” You giggle at his words, making him laugh along with you.

“I’ve done years of acting, some things I’ve taken with me.”

━━━━━━

“Are your eyes glossy?” Sean asks, his voice holding a shocked tone.

“What? No!” You respond, your hand over your mouth as you still had food in it.

“Just wondering if the heat is catching up to you, that’s all.”

“I promise, the fifth wing has not gotten to me.” 

“You are known to never take things personally, even when asked rude questions you are never rude in return. Does it get tiring to maintain your composure at times?”

“There definitely have been times in which I want to snap at someone, mainly because they’re being rude, but I feel that if you don’t give them the attention they seek they won’t continue their behavior. I mean, most of them catch the hint, some of them are persistent though.”

“That’s a very interesting thought process, is there someone who taught you to do that?”

“Nope! That’s just been me learning over the years, the industry will make you learn things you never thought you’d need to know.” You say with a sigh, looking at the backstage of the set, not at anyone in particular.

“Talking of the industry, what has been the best piece of advice a celebrity has given you?”

“Do not search your name on social media unless your manager says so.” You confess, the tightness in your voice evident.

“Wow, that’s powerful, can you tell us why?” 

“Because people are mean, and I know that they say with fame comes hate, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I sometimes have the urge to go on twitter, see what people are saying about me at the moment, yet you never know what you might see.”

“I can understand that. I can definitely say I’ve looked up my own name, not much has come up as I’d imagine it would for someone with your influence.” Sean praises, your cheeks heating up at the compliment.

“You never know what to expect from the internet. After I did the reading thirst tweets interview, I for sure won’t look up my name.” An uncomfortable laugh is let out, and he just joins in.

━━━━━━

You were just two wings away from finishing the interview. Your cheeks were definitely a redder than they were at the start, sweat was evident on the top of your brows, but you were still taking the challenge like a champ. Or as best as you could, the heat definitely wasn’t really helping with your perception of things.

“You said your confidence level was 8 at the start, what are you at now?”

“Maybe five, five’s good, I feel like sipping some milk but I can still do this.” You say with slight raspiness to your voice.

“You always say fashion is your passion, and with your collaborations over the years with different brands, what was your overall favourite outfit in ‘Don’t Worry Darling’?” 

“Tough question, there are many answers, but I’d have to say the fuchsia dress was one of my favourites. It was so beautiful I wanted to take it home with me, but I couldn’t!”

“They wouldn’t let Y/N Y/L/N take a dress?”

“No, they didn’t! Genuinely can’t be mad though, they take time to make, so I completely understand not wanting to ruin a piece someone could’ve spent weeks working on.”

“Did you ever take anything from the set at any point?”

“You’re trying to get me in trouble, aren’t you?” You tease him, which just makes him laugh while shaking his head, “I did take something, yes. Can’t really confess what, but there is one person who knows what it was, and it’s just because they were my partner in crime.”

“So that secret is going right to the grave of two people?”

“That it will!”

“You only have two wings left, so let’s make it one!”

“This sounds so rude, but I cannot wait for this to be over. I’m loving everything about this, but the spice? Fuck no.”

You grab your wing and make a cheering motion, and just take a bite out of it. Maybe you should’ve gone a bit softer on the bite, because the heat kicks you instantly. It feels like a volcano eruption, which makes you feel uneasy about how the last wing will truly be.

“It’s kicking in, isn’t it?” Sean asks 

“It is! I don’t know why you’re eating this so willingly, you do this every other day, mate! You don’t have to prove anything to me, I promise.” 

“I know I don’t, this is just my job at this point, eating hot wings for a living!”

“You could not pay me enough to do that. Mad respect, truly, if anyone needs a pat in the back, it’s you!” Your voice is nasally, and you’re sure you have a somewhat runny nose by now.

“You seem like a very sweet person, being respectful to those around you is something not all celebrities engage in. Is that something that can become hard to leave behind when filming scenes for characters which aren’t nice at all?”

“It can get hard sometimes. I don’t particularly engage with the whole ‘Method Acting’ thing many people seem to do, I find it to be unnecessary, and it doesn’t look like a fun experience.” You were trying your hardest to not start any drama with your words, but you could just see the headlines twisting your words.

“So you’d say that filming should be fun?”

“Maybe not so much the filming, but the portraying a character. I’ve seen it firsthand when an actor loses who they are because they went too far with the creative process of being a character. We’re all free to do what we please, but if it harms you or others? I draw the line there.” 

“Has there ever been a moment where being a character took a toll on you?”

“There have been quite a few, it’s not the nicest experience to be honest. I couldn’t go to work because I just couldn’t bear being called my character’s name. I obviously got over it fairly quickly because there’s not much time for tears when you’re more than halfway into a project.” You gulp, your eyes become glossy all of a sudden, evidently not because of any wing. “This got very emotional quickly, don’t know how that happened.”

This time when you looked backstage, there was a certain someone with his thumbs up looking right at you. A small smile, a fond one, formed right on your lips. 

“It’s okay, heavy questions have heavy answers.”

“Something that’s looking quite heavy is this last wing.” Sean laughs at your comment, making the small smile overtake your face in a split second.

“Now you don’t have to do this, but I sometimes add more sauce on the last wing to end it with a bang. Are you willing to join in?”

“I’m gonna regret saying yes, but why not, can’t let you do it alone now.”

The moment you say that he opens the bottle in front of him, and pours some sauce on it. You eye your bottle skeptically, the overwhelming smell of it hitting your nostrils in a split second. You don’t drench your wing like he does, just place a drop of it.

“Cheers!” 

“Cheers!” 

You are more cautious with your bite this time, you don't jump in for such a big bite. You're sure it looks like a bird is biting the wing, but you're not about to risk your tongue being burnt off. 

Your face is still stoic, and honestly, youre just doing it so your pride is not as hurt when your friends and family watch the interview. You’re sure Harry will be the first one to tease you about something, yet you can’t wait to hear everything he says, especially since he’s getting every single bit of it.

“Your face is not saying much, so how are you?” You can only respond with a cough, which makes Sean laugh.

“Not good over here! I think I’m gonna have to cave in, and drink some milk.” You’re not quite sure why your voice is so hoarse, but it’s a little funny to hear.

“Go for it!”

You gulp the glass of coconut milk, grateful that it’s not cow milk. You never liked the taste of cow milk by itself.

“Fuck’s sake, that’s lovely, best feeling ever!” You breathe out through a quiet laugh, the slightest drops of milk dripping down your face. Someone off-camera gives you a couple of tissues, and you thank them.

“Everything better now?”

“I’m not sure!”

“The good thing is this is over!”

“No more wings?” 

“No more wings.”

“I genuinely can’t believe I made it through this, especially after the 8th wing.” You say with a shudder, remembering how it burnt 

━━━━━━

“We are finally done!” Sean says, making you know that there’s practically only the credits left.

“Woo!” You cheer, pumping your fists in their air.

“Y/N Y/L/N you’ve conquered this challenge! Anything left you have to say?”

“But your tickets for ‘Don’t Worry Darling’ because it’s a great movie, and I’m so excited for all of you to see it!”

“That’s it for today, thank you for coming.”

“Thank you for having me.” You say, blowing some kisses to the cameras around you. 

The interview ends with a couple of claps, and one of the biggest smiles on your face as you try to hide your face to dissolve the attention from you.

━━━━━━

Comments 31K

username1: she’s my fave celebrity, if anyone asks why, i’m sending them this video 

👍 76K

username2: she kept looking at someone behind the scenes, i have the biggest feeling it’s harry

👍 24K

82 REPLIES

username3: SAME

username2: especially since they’ve both been spotted a lot together recently…

username4: props to her for being able to conceal her emotions so well, i could never tbh 

👍 19K

username5: the way sean didn’t even have to introduce her as much because she’s such a big household name

👍 59K

username6: Her outfit looks so good, Rebecca is definitely one of the best stylist’s she’s ever had 

👍 16K

37 REPLIES

username7: literally so true 

username8: top 3 hot ones interviews for sure

👍 9K

username9: whoever she was looking at, is lucky fr, she looked at them like they were holding the entire world in their hands

👍 12K

username10: her and taylor’s friendship is everything to me rn

👍 5K

#*ੈ✩༄ my works ! #harry styles #harryspugh #harry’s house #harry styles fanfiction #instagram blurb #harry fanfic #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles fake ig #interview #harry styles interview #hot ones #harry styles x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #reader imagine #harry styles imagine #don’t worry darling #alice chambers #jack chambers

[ficcidio]

LIKE ANIMALS

pairing: toxic bf!jeongin x afab!reader

genre: angst angst angst

warnings: very toxic relationship, breakup, crying, cursing, screaming, fighting verbally, jeongin is very mean, so long because I can’t seem to shut up!

a/n: I’m back! I hope to be more active here! I hope you like it <3

now playing: for you by delaney bailey

You looked at Jeongin as he said his goodbyes to the rest of the people in your home. He looked so happy with them, but as soon as he left them, he became someone else. But it was honest your fault, you made him mad. You kinda wished you were one of his friends, but unfortunately you had to know your place.

You jokes around with the guests that were left but none of them laughed. You’re getting too comfortable in your skin again. It was your fault to embarrass yourself like that. You should have listened to him, it was your fault.

Jeongin looked at you while you simply stay quiet, like he wanted you to. Like he’d taught you to.

You stared at him, hoping he’s come to kiss you passionately, hoping he’d hug you, hoping he’s just say something. But he didn’t. As always.

You wanted to talk, you wanted to scream and yell at him but you couldn’t. You just stifled your voice again. But you wanted to talk to him. You liked talking to him. Well, actually, you liked when he used to talk to you. But it was your fault that he didn’t do it anymore. You weren’t that fun to talk to.

“The party was nice, wasn’t it?” you whispered, afraid your boyfriend would scream at you. But surprisingly, he didn’t.

“Yeah” he answered, grabbing his phone and sitting on the sofa, not even looking at you. “Just don’t joke like that again. It’s embarrassing”

You felt a wave of shame hit you like a truck. Embarrassment, even pity for yourself. Your cheeks started reddening, wanting to cry, but you laughed awkwardly at yourself instead of letting him know he had hit you where it hurt.

“Yeah, i know” you breathed out, you then walked to the couch and sat next to him. You still wanted to talk to him. You always did. “Han and Seungmin look fun to be around”

“Yeah” he repeated. He wasn’t even listening to you. He never did. Unlike you, you always paid attention to every single little thing he did or said, any sign, just anything. You truly loved him, but did he love you too? It was honestly your fault if he didn’t, because you didn’t even do anything for him to love you. Or that was what he always said.

“And-“ you couldn’t even finish the sentence. He looked up to you and you were met with his angry eyes. He was always angry at you. No matter what you did to make him happy, he always found something to be mad about.

“Can’t you just stop talking?” he said harshly. He had hurt your feelings. He always did. But it was honestly your fault, because you always let him.

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you didn’t even notice. You were so used to him making you cry, but it was okay, because it was your fault for being so sensitive.

“Yeah, I’ll go to sleep” you sighed, standing up.

“Good.”

✯✯✯✯✯

Two weeks later, nothing had changed. You didn’t expect it to, to be honest. It was your fault, though, because you always made him mad.

Your friends had told you so many times to leave him, saying he was hurting you, but you never listened to them. You loved him like a dog. How could you leave him when he loved you so much? Wait, did he?

“Love, can you clean the room while I make dinner, please?” you politely asked from the kitchen, afraid he’d get mad at you. He didn’t answer, he was just watching TV. You knew he did listen to you, he just didn’t care enough to answer. “Jeongin?” you repeated, expecting him to say something. But again, he ignored you.

You decided to stay silent. You sighed and continued cooking, deciding to understand him. He was tired because of practice and everything, it was okay, he was just tired. He always was. But it wasn’t your fau- no, no, what are you saying? It was your fault. You shouldn’t make him work after coming from work. You should do the work and let him relax.

You wondered when would he do something to help you. You didn’t ask for much, just to clear the table after lunch and clean the bathroom after showering, maybe even make the bed when he got up. But you had to understand him, he was just tired.

He was just tired.

You had to keep calm, it was normal.

Because he was just tired.

You had to understand that he never did anything, he was just tired. That was what he always said. And you had always told yourself it was true, and it was your fault.

But now, cooking at 9 pm both dinner and tomorrow’s lunch completely on your own, like your always did, you wondered if it was your fault. No, no, how could you doubt it? He had said it, and he was always right! It was your fault. It really was. But was it?

✯✯✯✯✯

“Y/n, clear the table. I’m going to take a nap.” he informed a week later, walking to sit down on the couch. But he didn’t make it there.

“No.” you answered. He stopped dead the moment he heard you. What? He turned to look at you, his eyes did it signal he was mad. He was surprised.

“What?”

This couldn’t be. You had always listened to him, did everything he asked for. You had always been his good girl, you always obeyed, you had never talked back. He wasn’t even mad at you denying to do what he asked you too, he was startled, take aback by the single word you had answered for the first time in so many years of saying.

“Do it yourself” you spoke, looking at him in the eyes. You headed to where he was, the couch, and sat there, still looking at him.

“Excuse me?” Now he was mad.

“You always ask me to do it for you, don’t you have hands?” You replied. You were right, he was very able to do it himself. But he never did, because he knew you’d do it if he asked you to.

“What the fuck, Y/n?” He was so taken aback by y he sudden change in your behavior, the way you didn’t let him control you anymore. He loved being able to control you. What was even happening? “Don’t you see I’m tired from practice? Are you that lazy that you can’t even do something for me?”

Now you were mad. You wouldn’t let him treat you like that. Not anymore. You wouldn’t let him embarrass you, make you feel like it was your fault. Not anymore. “Well, I’m also tired, Jeongin.” His name sounded so dry in your lips now, unlike it used to just a week ago.

“From what?”

“From you.” You said without even thinking, but you didn’t regret it. He deserved it. You were truly tired of him.

“The fuck are you talking about?” He elevated the tone of his voice, and if he did, you did too.

“You exhaust me so fucking much, I look like a fucking housewife! You know I have a goddamn job too, don’t you? I’m also tired from work every single day and I still do everything to you, I always let you just do nothing.”

“Well you don’t have to dance for hours! Your work is nothing compared to mine!” He yelled.

“If my work was being your girlfriend, it would fucking double the exhaustion of yours!” You yelled back. You knew you’d start crying anytime soon, but right now the anger was stronger than any pain possible.

“What is it with this fucking behavior of yours?!” He was truly offended by your words.

“You’ve made me have this behavior! This is what I’ve become because of you, because of your controlling and the way you ‘love’!” You screamed. You were sure the neighbors heard that. “But that’s not even love, is it? You don’t love me anymore.” Tears were now falling, but you didn’t care. You had to keep talking before your braveness disappeared and you had to obey again. You were scared— no, you were terrified.

“You’re so used to me being your pet, walking me around and doing anything you want me to. You know I’m not an animal, Jeongin. Or do you? I don’t even know now.” You continued talking. He was startled, he didn’t know what to answer. He wanted to talk back, defend himself, but how could he? Everything you were saying was true.

You always noticed the littlest things about him, you knew his body language by heart. Today wasn’t an exception; you noticed his hands shaking, his lower lip quivering and his eyes welling up with tears. You didn’t expect it. You pitied him a little, but you pitied yourself more. So you continued with your speech, because for once in so many years, you had the control over him and not the other way around.

“You’ve always made me feel like it was my fault, like there was something wrong with me; you’ve always taught me to keep quiet. You know what happens when you hold things in? You explode.” You talked harshly at him. “I haven’t changed. You’ve made me explode. You’ve destroyed me, and every perception of love I’ve ever had!”

He stares at you with his eyes filled with tears, something you had never seen in him before. He watches you as you cry, as you yell at him, as you tell him he’s destroyed you. Now, thinking of how he was being with you was so unpleasant, so painful for him to imagine. But while he was acting like that, he was completely blind by how powerful it made him feel. But now, as he’s seeing his whole life— or rather, you falling apart in front of his eyes…

Did he love you? God, of course he did. He loved you. Before, in his mind, the reason he was controlling you so much was because he loved you, and because you loved him. He thought, if you let him treat you like that, it was because you didn’t mind. In his mind, he wasn’t being rude to you, he was just— he doesn’t know, teaching you how to behave?

But now he realizes that he had barely treated you like a human being. He wasn’t teaching you how to behave— which, by the way, you didn’t need; you were an amazing woman and girlfriend. At this point, he was taming you, as if you were an animal, a dog he could teach tricks, a fish that would die if he didn’t feed you or an exotic parrot he only kept so he could put on a show when people came home.

It terrified him to think that this was the end, that you wouldn’t let him in your life ever again. You were the love of his life, he thought. He loved you. He truly did. But he didn’t know how to love someone and he never had interest in learning, and now, everything he’s ever said and done to you is charging him the only thing he still has next to him: you. The only thing he was sure that would never leave him, that was too scared to go, was ready to leave. It terrified him so fucking much.

“Say something, Jeongin…” you begged in a whisper, crying silently. He didn’t realize he had been thinking too much, he had again neglected you and your feelings, as he always did. But to be honest, he didn’t have anything to say.

“No, Y/n, you don’t understand, I…” He tried to fix it, but he was only messing it up more. He had to stop making up excuses and trying to make her feel dumb, he had to stop victimizing himself, he had to stop trying to be in control over every situation. But he couldn’t. It had consumed him. Control had consumed the loving boyfriend he once was.

“Fuck off, Jeongin” You cut him when you heard him trying to victimize himself again, leaving him speechless. You were so used to it, but you wouldn’t allow it anymore. “I’ve loved you so much. I’ve thrown out my life in Australia for you, I’ve picked up my whole fucking life and moved here just to be near you, only for you to turn out to be the shitty boyfriend you are” You tell him, not caring if his feelings got hurt by your words. Not anymore. “Because that’s what you are, Jeongin. You’re a fucking terrible boyfriend, and I feel so bad for myself for everything I’ve had to bear just because I loved you. Because I did. I loved you. I still do, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop loving you. And that’s the worst part, knowing I’ll miss every single thing you’ve done to me.” You started off harshly, but your voice got more and more muffled by your tears after every word you said.

You stayed silent. He stayed silent. None of you knew what to say. He didn’t know how to talk to you, he felt embarrassed for every thing he’d done to you. So he said the only thing he knew he must’ve say for so long. The three words you’d been expecting for almost four years came out of his lips in less than two seconds.

“I am sorry.”

You stayed silent again. He stayed silent again. None of you knew what to say. You looked at him with red and puffy eyes. He looked at you with guilt and sadness in his eyes. That’s all you needed, that’s all he needed to know he’d never see you again. At least, not like he wished. Not like the love of his life.

You sighed and looked down, but then you looked up to meet with his eyes one last time. It was the first time in so long you stayed silent because you wanted to, not because he made you. It was the first time you had a voice, it was the first time you weren’t controlled like a puppet.

You grabbed your phone, your keys and your charger and walked to the door. He followed you, but he had no intention in stopping you. He had already controlled you enough. He knew he’d been holding you hostage for too long, he had to set you free, to let you go. He wasn’t ready, but he knew he must.

“I hope you heal” You said, then you opened the door and walked out. You turned around to look at him one last time. Your eyes met with his teary eyes. He smiled at you and nodded, as in a way of letting you know that it was okay, that he would let you go; that, for the first time, he understood you. You felt the connection you felt the moment you met, the moment he kissed you for the first time. You felt those teenage butterflies, butterflies that were about to die in just a few seconds.

You would miss him, but it was for the best. At least, you wouldn’t have to love him like a dog.

✯✯✯✯✯

You never came back to his apartment, not even to get your things back. You wanted a fresh start.

At first it was such a bittersweet feeling to be finally free. For some reason, him controlling you was comforting, because your choices didn’t depend on you. Because you didn’t have any responsibility in your life. Now, it all depended on you, on what you chose. Now you had your own mouth, your own hands, your own body. Before, you were his. Now, you were yours.

No more asking him what he wanted you to cook for dinner, no more making both sides of the bed on your own, no more crying alone.

The first month was a mess. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t know how to decide for your own, you didn’t know how to live without him. You were so lucky your best friend, Maia, let you stay with in her apartment. She gave you clothes, food and a shoulder to cry on. She was your biggest supporter. She taught you to be free, to be yourself, and you were forever grateful.

After six months, you were fine, you think. You still thought about him, how could you ever forget? You dreamed with him, you saw him in every little thing. His members tried to approach you, they apologized to you. Chan was the only one you let in, he was the only one that didn’t defend him while he was your partner. Chan was the only one that had had his feet on earth the whole time. You didn’t let the rest talk to you, It hurt a lot. It hurt to remember him.

But after the first year, his memory didn’t hurt as much. It was a loving thought that sometimes appeared in your mind. More often than you wished, but now you remembered him with love, with appreciation, because he had taught you so much, and he had loved you so much. He had taught you how you didn’t want to be loved. He had taught you how to survive on your own, how to deal with hateful love. The first month, you wished you had never met him. After a year, you were thankful you had met him.

Korea’s streets looked empty and lifeless without him for a while. Not waiting for him after practice and not running a bath for him when he came from work made you feel like there was a big hole in your heart for a while, but you endured it, and you were proud of yourself for that. You were very strong.

You really wished he healed like you did.

After two years, you decided it was time to come back home. You thanked Maia and Chan for everything, booked a flight to Australia and came home. You rented an apartment and moved your whole life again. You were happy.

You even got a job. You had made it, you had healed. Jeongin appeared in your dreams occasionally, and he was a recurrent thought, but you were okay with that. You accepted it was a part of you.

It was different for Jeongin. The first eight months, he couldn’t breathe without you. He felt so guilty for hurting you, of being the man he had promised himself to never be. He wouldn’t stop blaming himself, because who else could he blame? It was all his fault.

He missed you. He needed you like oxygen. Every time he came home to a lightless house and empty rooms he felt his heart ache. His room was messy, you weren’t there to clean it.

He kept your things just like the day you left, he didn’t dare to touch them. All the pictures, your jewelry, it was still there strictly untouched. He was scared someday you’d take everything you left there, he would’ve understood if you did, but you never did. So, yeah, the pajamas you had left on your side of the bed after changing were still laying there untouched.

He realized he didn’t know how to cook, you always did it. He had to learn how to. His food was good, yeah, but he liked yours. Even when he followed the exact same recipe as you did, it always tasted different. He liked your food. He missed your food.

He missed the smell of you. He used your shampoo and your cologne for a while, until he ran out of them. He didn’t allow himself to keep buying them, it hurt him, so he used them one last time and let go of you.

With the help of him members, he decided to use all that pain and guilt he felt to become a best person, to heal, just like you wished for him to. The first thing he did was forgive himself. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it if he didn’t. He apologized to everyone he had hurt, except of you. He could reach you easily, Chan had your contact and he was your friend. He’d been keeping Jeongin updated on how you were doing through it all. He watched you both hurt and heal in your own way at your own pace.

He apologized to the staff he screamed at when he was angry, to the friends he insulted brutally when they teased him, and to the members he blamed when he was stressed. He took all the responsibility and blame for his actions, and he handled it. He apologized for everything.

He liked apologizing. He used to hate it, it made him feel vulnerable, but now, he loved it. It was a way of showing his growth as a person, his healing.

FIVE YEARS LATER.

You had opened your own café. Yeah, your own, and it had been so successful! It felt so right. Everything was in order, everything was okay now.

You handed your customer the coffee she had ordered and smiled at her. “Have a great day!” You said, and when she left, you smiled proudly. Your coworker, Olivia— Ollie, how you liked your call her, approached you.

“Y/n, there’s someone waiting for you. Table 6” She said. You frowned, who could be visiting you now? All your friends were working, and your family lived far away.

“What? Who?” You asked her, but she didn’t answer. “Ollie!”

“Just go, girl!” Ollie replied, pushing you slightly towards the small door that divides the kitchen and the café.

“I can’t go now, my turn hasn’t finished yet.” You answered, trying to come back, but she kept pushing you.

“I’ll do it for you. It’s not a busy day, anyway” Mario, another of your coworkers— and one of your dearest friends, said. You groaned frustratedly, they were so stubborn. But you accepted.

You undid the ponytail you had your hair in and walked to the table 6, like Ollie told you.

Then, you saw him. He was looking at you. He was so changed, his aura was so much different, he was shining. He looked like he had healed. Just like you wished for him to. You, confused, walked up to him. He smiled at you sweetly. That sweet smile that made you fall in love with him. Without a word, you say in front of him. You decided to let him talk, say everything he wanted to after almost seven years.

“It’s been a while, Y/n” He smiled, his dimples showing cutely. You couldn’t help but smile, suddenly feeling shy. He used to always make you feel shy.

“Yeah.” You breathed out. “You’ve changed so much” You notice. He nods.

“You have, too. You look beautiful.” He whispered, and you swore your eyes shined like the exact first moment he asked you to be his girlfriend. He looked up at the building and then back down at you. “So, this place is yours?”

“It is mine” You smiled proudly. You felt in love again. You shouldn’t, but you did. After so many years of missing him, crying for him, wanting to come back to him… you were in front of him. Finally. “Why are you here, Jeongin?”

His name sounded to sweet in your lips. He had never loved his name so much, until he heard you say it.

He sighed and your gazes connected. “I’ve spent the past seven years experiencing the consequences of my actions, trying to heal, like you wished for me to do the last time I saw you. I’ve forgiven myself, I’ve put my life in order, I’ve apologized to everyone I’ve hurt, except for you. I wanted to apologize to you.” He stated seriously. You knew this time he meant it. You were sure he had changed. This time it was different.

“In the past, I’ve hurt you so much. I was such a bad boyfriend, a bad company and a bad person overall. I’m these seven years, I’ve never felt confident enough to come and apologize to you, the person I’ve hurt the most. I’m so sorry you’ve had to wait so long for an apology.” He breathed and continued talking. “I made you go through so much, and I sincerely apologize to you. I know this won’t make it go away, all the pain I’ve caused you, but I do want you to know that I’ve grown up. I’m not that anymore, and I’ll never be. I’ve healed, just like you wanted me to. You’re the person I healed for. You’re the reason I decided to take care of the consequences, to take everything life throws at me because of my past mistakes.”

You looked down, fidgeting with your own hands. You didn’t know how to react.

“You’ve been the love of my life, and I’m so thankful that you were the one that made me realize all these things. Without you, I would’ve never been able to make it. You were my partner for so long, and I’m so grateful of all the happy moments we spend together. I’m sorry we ended up like that, I’m so sorry I made you live. For a long time, I couldn’t sleep at night. Guilty was eating me up.” He whispered. “I was sent on hiatus a week after you left. I wouldn’t eat or sleep without you. I was so blind by the control I had over you, that the moment I opened my eyes, you were already gone, and it was my fault. I had to go to therapy, and even though it took me over a year to get over it, I healed. I forgave myself, and I sincerely hope you can forgive me as well. I am sorry, Y/n.”

You smiled at him sweetly, that smiled he had fallen in love with. “To be honest, I didn’t expect you to come. After so many years of waiting for you, I gave up on waiting for an apology, or just an answer. You’ve made me hurt a lot, that’s true, but I do believe our relationship has taught me so much, and I wouldn’t be who I am without you. I don’t hate you. I hated you for a while, but I realized hate is pointless, and you can’t hate someone you’ve loved for so long. I believe I still love you, and I never will stop loving you, because you’re a part of me. I don’t miss you anymore, but like I’ve always told you, if you ever heard me, I will always love you, and you’ll always be in my heart. I forgive you, Jeongin. I know you’ve worked hard, and I’m so glad you decided to heal. That’s the only thing I would ever want from you. Thank you for coming here, I appreciate it.”

You didn’t realize the tears falling down your cheeks until you noticed his. He smiled and nodded, wiping his own tears with the back of his hand. He looked at you, his eyes showed love, care.

“That’s the only thing I needed to hear to finally close this chapter of my life and move on. Once again, thank you, Y/n. I will always feel grateful for meeting you, and I will always love you.”

You smiled sweetly at him and wiped your tears too. You nodded and giggled at how you both were crying over that.

“Dad!” You heard the voice of a little kid near you. You saw Jeongin pick up the kid and caressing his arms. The kid looked exactly like Jeongin. “Wonnie, say hi to Y/n” He said in a sweet voice. You loved this side of him. You loved him so much.

“Hi Wonnie, I’m Y/n” You said in the same tone. The little kid giggled and greeted you with his hands. “Is he your son?”

“Yeah. As I told you, in all this time I was able to put my life in order and… here he is.” He explained with a smile. You were sure he was going to be the greatest dad ever. You smiled and played a little with the child. He was so cute. That was until you heard a female voice.

“Love!” She yelled. That’s when you realized she was talking to Jeongin. He turned to look at her and signaled her to wait with his hands.

“She’s Alicia, my wife.” He explained. “I love her so much, and I’m trying to be the best husband for her. I’m trying to be the great partner I wasn’t in the past. I am so deeply in love with her.”

Ouch.

That had hurt so fucking much.

But what could you expect? Going back to him? He was just there to apologize, and you appreciated so much that he did. You knew he would be the greater husband for her, and you were happy for him. He has made it. He had healed, and so had you.

Now, you had to carry on with your life and let him live his. All of the mistakes and everything you once went through is just a way to learn, to be better, to improve and grow as a person.

You had wanted to give up in so many moments, but now, seeing how you’ve both made it and put your life in order, you realize this was the whole propose of it. Each person is a lesson. They come in your life, teach you something, and go. Jeongin’s path met yours with so much intensity and it was so hard to let go, but eventually, you continued with your own, and so did he. And you were proud.

It was bittersweet, but after all, he was just a lesson, like everyone else. You were just two teenagers that fell in love. You were just two teenagers that fell in love and loved each other like animals.

#skz #ficcidio #straykids #stray kids #kpop #yang jeongin #jeongin #jeongin fluff #jeongin angst #jeongin x reader #jeongin imagines #skz x reader #skz imagines #skz angst #skz scenarios #jeongin scenarios

[stevieschrodinger]

“Rob, come on!”

“Don’t you ‘come on!’ me!”

Steve immediately snorts a laugh.

Rob gets all flustered, “I didn’t- I mean- oh fuck you very much Harrington.”

“Don’t worry Rob,” Steve chokes out around his laughter, “I’ll try not to come- try not to get it- oh my god,” Steve dissolves into breathless laughter.

Rob slaps the manila file into Steve’s hands, “I don’t have time for your bullshit,” and she marches off down the corridor, kitten heals clacking on the linoleum.

Steve jogs to catch up, “what would Vicki say?” Steve asks, mock scandalized.

She cuts her eyes at him, scowling from behind her too long bangs, “don’t even joke.”

Steve opens the file while Robin pulls out her key card and straightens her jacket. What she wears is far more stylish than what she did when they were teenagers, but she’s never quite grown out of being a little gangly. Where Steve filled out even further, what with the morning runs and evening swims, weekends spent at the local gym and basketball court, Robin has always remained very slim. She looks good today though, she’s definitely grown up, but thank god she never grew out of being Robin – for some reason today she’s paired an emerald green jacket with navy pinstripe pants and shiny, cherry red shoes and somehow, it kind of, sort of, works.

It’s probably the colorful scarf pulling it together, or something.

“The files a little light,” Steve comments as she activates the security lock and holds the door open for him to pass through.

“Yeap. First fourteen years are...pretty vague. I’ve tracked the parents; the mother’s been dead a few years,” Steve makes a face, “and the dad is a guest of the state,” Steve can feel his face crumple even further. “Yeah. He’d been in and out for a while, assault, aggravated assault, theft, possession, possession with intent, honestly it’s a laundry list, the one that stuck was manslaughter.”

“Oh man, not the mom,” Robin makes a face in answer, “fucking hell.”

Robin holds up her badge for security to see, and they get buzzed through. Steve’s nose tickles with all the Omega scents.

“Luckily he wasn’t around at the end, I don’t know if he even knows about his parents. They kicked him out when he presented,” Steve tuts, “yeah, I know, but it was actually the best thing they ever did for him. He was picked up by his uncle, dad’s brother. The guy had regular, full time employment, suddenly the kid’s got medical records, there’s regular prescriptions for blockers and birth control, his school attendance goes from fifty five percent to ninety seven.”

“So the uncle is a good guy?”

Robin sighs, nods, “hopefully he pulls through.”

Steve continues to scan the file as Robin stops them at the final doorway, leaning against the closed door, “says here he’s non verbal?”

“Most of the time, it’s behavioral, he can speak, does, occasionally. We picked him up from the hospital; he’d gone in with his uncle, cardiac arrest that led to some complications, he's had a couple of surgeries already, but he might be in for a while. He's waiting for a pacemaker now, I think.”

“Shitty.”

“Yeah. Steve, listen a second. This kid...it could be anything. He was clearly malnourished growing up, this could be a trauma response. He might suffer with PTSD, might get separation anxiety-”

“Yeah, Rob, I get it.”

“I just,” she deflates a little, hopeless, “this isn’t the place for him. The other Omega, they mean well, they try and include him, and you know what they’re like, curious about new people, but that just drives him away. He doesn’t come out of his room much. Stopped coming into the dining hall for meals; I tried to wait it out, thought if he got hungry enough he’d cave,” she spreads her hands, “nada. I had to cave; he just eats in his room. And he’s terrible with food. Basically unless it’s been shaped into a nugget or came out of a can, he doesn’t get it. Like he’s never even seen real food before...this just...it’s not the place for him here Steve. All the others, it’s like...like a camp out for them, you know? Not him though, he needs some stability. He needs a home.”

“I get it Rob, it’s not my first rodeo.”

“I know, I know, that’s why I called you first, obviously...it’s just. I know it’s a lot. And I know it’s hard on you, after.”

Steve thinks of Dustin, who still calls him the first Sunday of every month without fail; how he’s expecting his first pup with his mate Suzie. Thinks of Max, how fierce she is, how close they got even in the short time they were together. Her mom made it through rehab though, and got custody back. She still drops by sometimes, and Steve loves to see her. The last time she brought her new boyfriend, Lucas, with her, looking for approval from the only father figure she’s ever really had. The Byers boys who came into his care when their mother had some sort of psychotic episode. How the Beta Jonathan had been so stand offish, where Will, too young to have presented yet, had sort Steve out to cuddle into every night. It was bittersweet, the day Joyce got custody back; Steve was glad it worked out for them, but he was still devastated to see them go.

He’s helped out with a lot of kids over the last six years; he can do this.

“It is...but it’s worth it.”

“Steve,” Robin touches his arm, briefly, “this one will be worse. Fostering kids is one thing, being a temporary pack Alpha for them...Eddie is two months off being eighteen years old, legally able to take a mate, potentially sexually active-”

“Rob, I’ll cross that bridge if we come to it. And if he needs me,” Steve shrugs, “it is what it is.”

“Steve,” she tries again, voice gentle, “I just need you to be sure.”

Steve’s only had one other Omega in his care who was old enough to need Steve in a sexual manner, as well as all the other needs that the people in his temporary pack often have; when she left it was...bad. Neither of them ever say Nancy’s name out loud, haven’t for a couple of years. But Steve knows now, what it is he’s getting into.

He knows this has the potential to be painful, he’s broken enough bonds now. Pack scent bonds; it’s unavoidable. It’s the support of an Alpha, it’s exactly what Steve is there to provide. What happens after will not be Eddie’s problem; it’ll be Steve’s.

And he won’t make the mistake he made with Nancy. This time he’ll remember that Eddie’s going to leave, won’t let himself fall into the illusion that it’s real. He knows now, that it hurts.

Just like it has every other time, when his new pack leaves.

“It’ll be fine Rob. I’ll be fine.”

She bites her lip, not looking sure at all, but she nods and leans more against the door, pushing it open with her shoulder as Steve follows her though. There’s laughter along the hall, two young Omega playing chase rush past them, “take it outside please!” Robin yells after them.

Steve tags along, knows all the doorways are bedrooms; young Omega on this wing, all in need of a safe haven. Steve can hear the bustle and chatter of the dining room, the clatter and scrape of cutlery loud as they pass the doorway. At the very end of the hall, the last door stands propped open by a plastic chair, there’s a red plastic tray with a plate sitting on it. There’s evidence of crumbs and sauce from what had been eaten, but the peas haven’t been touched. The window is open too, letting in a fresh breeze. The Omega is curled up, wedged in the corner of the room on his single bed, a book held open in his hand as he stares at them in the doorway.

“You know you won’t die if you eat a green thing, right?” Robin asks him.

He tilts his head, his curly hair shifting, and purses his lips, kind of frowning with one eyebrow quirked up, to Steve is sort of says, ‘why take the risk?’. Steve has to school his features so he doesn’t laugh.

“Okay Eddie, this is Steve, and he’s been kind enough to offer to put a roof over your head for the next little while, how does that sound?”

Eddie shrugs.

“Good enough for me,” Robin replies like Eddie’s spoken, “okay, pack your things.”

It’s not a scowl, not really, but the way Eddie side eyes the radio means...well, Steve’s not even sure what it means, “you can change it, if you like.”

Eddie huffs and shrugs, crosses his arms over his chest and leans back in the car seat, looking out of the window. The next song comes on; Steve pretty sure it’s Taylor Swift, and Eddie suddenly lunges for the radio. He presses the seek button until he hits something that, to Steve, sounds like two angry guitars hate fucking in a bear infested mine, but he lets it go since Eddie doesn’t turn it up any louder.

Steve carries Eddie’s unfortunately light bag of belongings into the house, “we can go shopping, maybe tomorrow or the day after. I don’t know if you know how this works or not, but you have a state budget, or rather, I do, for you. So don’t worry, if you need anything, just ask.”

He leaves Eddie’s bag at the foot of the stairs, Eddie cautiously following him as Steve points out the blindingly obvious, “lounge, kitchen, through there is the garage, that’s out to the yard.” Eddie eyes are huge in his head, darting around like he doesn’t know what to do with them. “Utility through there, bring me your basket when you need, I’ll show you how to use the machines. That’s my office, I work from home two days a week, but I have to go into the office for three,” there’s a distinct spike of anxiety in the air, “but that isn’t for a couple of weeks, or until your Alpha is better, so don’t worry yet. One of the perks; you get me PTO.”

Eddie frowns at him, “Paid Time Off.”

Eddie frowns again like Steve’s presented him with an alien. Never mind.

“Okay, upstairs, this is my room,” Steve opens the door, watches as Eddie scans the room with poorly disguised interest. The bed is neatly made, the thick comforter and pillows all fluffed up. The carpet a deep gray and the rest of the room dark rich wood with some splashes of forest green, “now, I’ll show you your room, but it’s entirely up to you where you sleep. I under stand that your uncle was your familial Alpha and you lived in close quarters so...where you sleep is up to you. If you need that.”

Eddie’s gone so red Steve worries his head might explode; Steve, somehow, manages not to laugh at him. He shows Eddie to the next door down, “this is your room, I will never come in here unless you explicitly invite me or I think there’s a genuine cause for concern, okay? There’s a lock on the door, but I do have a master. So if you don’t want me barging in, you need to let me know you’re okay when I ask, okay?”

Eddie nods.

“Good, I need to be clear about that from the start,” Steve puts Eddie’s bag down in the threshold, “there’s extra nesting materials in the top of the wardrobe, the bathroom is through there, help yourself to all the toiletries, they’re for you. Feel free to chill out for a bit, get cleaned up, I’ll do food for about six ish.”

And Steve leaves him to it.

Steve’s chicken parm is, even if he says so himself, pretty damn good. His sauce is ninety percent blended vegetables; carrots, tomatoes, bell peppers; a trick he learned when trying to hide more vegetables in the kids food. He’s got a similar recipe for mac and cheese that no one has ever complained about, even though the sauce is at least fifty percent carrot.

Also, he figures the breaded chicken is just, like, a giant chicken nugget, right?

So that has to look sort of familiar. And you can get spaghetti out of a can so, surely, this isn't so different.

If Eddie doesn’t like cheese...well, that’s just unnatural. Steve’ll just have to take him back to Robin.

Steve’s got everything on plates and is about to call for Eddie, but the kid appears in the doorway, exactly six oclock. He’s got his arms wrapped around himself, uncertainty coloring the air, but he’s here, that’s the important thing.

They eat together in the breakfast nook, Eddie picks at his food rather than just eating. Steve tries to match his pace, suspicious that as soon as Steve stops eating, Eddie will stop too. He’s right.

Steve makes a mental note to do a grocery shop and go heavy on the snacks. Steve can see the evidence of Eddie growing up malnourished. He’s too pale, his eyes far too large in his face, his joints protrude and his clothes hang off his frame.

There’s no conversation, but Steve doesn’t push it. It’s not time yet.

They watch TV for a while before bed, Eddie curled up tight at the opposite end of the couch, as far from Steve as he can get. Steve adopts a relaxed posture, lets himself sink down. Pulls a blankets off the back of the couch to go across his knees and leaves another in the middle, an obvious hint to Eddie if he wants it. He doesn’t touch it.

Eddie slips away after an hour, heads upstairs. Steve watches the kid go but doesn’t say anything. It’s a pretty solid start; he’s had much, much worse. Eddie doesn’t appear to be any kind of flight risk, which is a huge plus in Steve’s book.

He messages Rob with an update before pulling out his laptop and responding to some emails. He might legitimately have a couple of weeks off work, but that doesn’t mean he wants to return to a landslide of unanswered messages when he does go back.

He heads to bed a little after. Showers and goes through his night time routine; it’s only nine but it’s been a bit of a day, and Steve intends to read for a while. It’s thirty minutes before he hears Eddie’s door open and close. The creak of the stairs. Steve sneaks to his own door, opens it a little and stands there, ears straining.

Listens as the front door rattles but doesn’t open. The key is right there, Eddie’s not trying to escape; he’s checking the house is secure. Steve hears the fridge door a few moments later, then the TV, turned down low.

Steve goes back to bed, happy that Eddie is already making himself at home. He’s asleep thirty minutes after that. And he sleeps well, until something disturbs him, the bed covers shifting. Eddie freezes when he realizes he’s woken Steve. Steve’s still half asleep, and it’s easy to just not make a big deal of it, he yawns, lifting the covers. Eddie slips in, rolling over and wriggling back, allowing himself to be the little spoon. Steve throws a leg, an arm, and the covers over Eddie’s slim frame, and easily goes back to sleep.

When Steve wakes up, Eddie’s gone again.

Steve finds Eddie on the couch. It’s a scene he’s used to, the TV displaying the little, ‘are you still watching?’ box. He’s had a lot of kids who can’t sleep without company, or background noise, or something, and finding them on the couch is pretty normal.

What’s not normal is the position Eddie is sleeping in, his head hanging off the edge, one arm flopped awkwardly above his head and the other bent underneath him, one leg hooked over the back of the couch. He’s snoring. It’s...kind of loud.

And also kind of adorable. Steve pushes those feelings down reminds himself; he cannot get attached to this one.

He knows how much it hurts.

#steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddie #fliclet #robin buckley #waynes going to be fine #obviously #alpha steve harrington #omega eddie because he's so pretty #omega eddie munson

[soullessjack]

i think one of the other autistic aspects in jacks character that’s like a little hard to see unless you’re also autistic, because it’s more of a common experience than a visible trait, is the sensitivity he has to people perceiving him as “different.” like, yes he actively wants to be strong and protect people and embrace his powers/what he is for a good purpose, and he even likes to show off and impress or entertain people with them. yes he’s well aware of his capabilities + Most Powerful Being status and literally weaponizes it against their enemies, but then at the same time he’s extremely uncomfortable when people regard him as “different” or dangerous, despite him knowing and owning that in other areas.

when mrs butters says that sam and dean should be afraid of jack bc of how insanely powerful he’s become, he never argues against his power level, only that he’d never hurt them; again, he knows his strength and uses it against various enemies even proudly sometimes. a large part of his character is just grappling with what he is and accepting that, which in turn ties into using it for Good to fight the Evil that’s supposed to be inherent to it. au bobby almost has him thrown out of the camp because he’s a “half breed” who will “inevitably” turn on the humans there because of it, and later on rationalizes that jack must be fully evil now because without his human side (a literal biological aspect that can’t be taken away), all that’s left is Lucifer. jack is essentially feared for being half-angel and looked down on for being half-human, for literally being a lesser human being because his other heritage isn’t human.

while jack obviously embraces their human heritage more, they do also make some effort to accept their angelic heritage for what it lets him do. suffice it to say, “this is who i am and I can’t change it but I can do something with it.” so then, when people view him as something weird or dangerous or simply different, when they see him negatively while he’s actively struggling to make positives out of it, he doesn’t deal with it very well. he strives to be “normal,” while still maintaining the protective role he’s able to fill specifically because he isn’t normal.

and for me, the autistic parallel lies in that directly. the more I’m realizing about myself and my autistic identity, the more I’m able to understand myself and embrace it—and even though my family jokes here and there, they also embrace me and help me feel more comfortable and confident in who I am. but it still feels like almost every day, I’m going through loving myself, messing up because I’m autistic, hating that I’m autistic and stuck like this forever, and learning to love myself again despite my faults. wash rinse repeat. as I become an adult and have increasing responsibility and pressure that I’m unable to take on because I’m autistic, I resent that the world isn’t built for me; that it actively hates and mocks me. countless tiktok core-core videos about how I am fundamentally a lesser human being or not even human to allistics, just because I am autistic. I flip back and forth all the time between “I hate being autistic because I struggle like this and I’ll never stop struggling” and “I love being autistic and I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t but I hate how difficult the world is because of it.”

and honestly both can be true; I don’t enjoy the executive dysfunction and exhaustion I’d deal with even in an ideal non-ableist society, but I enjoy being able to have special interests and experience certain things in a unique way. and conversely, jack likes being able to protect their loved ones and do cool tricks with their angel powers, but they don’t like being rejected or othered by everyone else because he’s half-angel. self acceptance is incredibly difficult to maintain when you aren’t outwardly accepted, and it’s even worse when you’re actively rejected—which true for anyone, but especially in the autistic experience. and again, even if the world was accepting of autistic people, I would still probably struggle to accept myself personally because of the ways it disables me. in that same way, even tho jack is (mostly) surrounded by people who accept him as he is and are equally as weird or “monstrous,” he still feels ostensibly Different from them and is actively othered from them by heaven and hell and dean in 15x18 arguing about his True Place.

another layer of this is that, even jack’s supportive accepting equally-weird family has their moments of othering him without meaning to; he is fundamentally dangerous [against his will], and they’re not being unreasonable when they’re afraid. i think dean even frames it as, “we aren’t afraid of you, we’re afraid of what you can do to other people,” which means to separate jack’s inherent dangerousness from their personhood, when jack so easily conflates the two (and even that itself can be seen as separating your symptoms/behaviors from your personhood).

a lot of dadstiel ppl might be mad at this, but even cas has the tendency to impose Jack’s value with the paradisal destiny Kelly told him about, despite also saying that Jack only needs to be himself to be loved. neither his or Kelly’s love are conditional on that basis, but it inadvertently created a standard for jack to hold themself to and is part of the reason he seeks to make Something Good out of what he’s been taught is Inherently Bad. he’s expected to succeed and actively wants to, but because their natural tendencies for retaliation or anger or impulsivity (things they view as inherently evil in them), as well as their lack of total control, causes jack to falter in fully succeeding and ergo, continue the struggle to love himself on the basis of meeting cas and kelly’s accidental standard.

it’s not their fault and it isn’t Jack’s fault either, because it’s all fundamentally a matter of genetics and circumstance, but it’s obvious to anyone alive that’s ever struggled with self consciousness and esteem that it’s hard to love yourself when the love you receive from others seemingly falters in a specific area, because then you fixate on the area where their love falters and you either strive to fix it or spiral into a crisis that there will always be some aspect of you that isn’t lovable.

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#spn #spn analysis #supernatural #jack kline #autistic jack kline #autistic characters #autism coded #autistic experiences #autism posting #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #tfw 2.0 #dadstiel #cas and jack #kelly kline #liek … He means so so so so so so so so much to me I’m gonna throw up #he’s literally peak autism representation in almost every way and it’s literally not even on purpose . it just IS #autism transcending the narrative …

[hellsbeenbettersincehesplit]

The latest oneshot is finally here! Inspired by replies to this post by @sky-marbles !

In this, Vaggie learns pole dancing from Angel Dust in an effort by him to convince her to let him teach the hotel in a group bonding session. Featuring dancer!vaggie, no romance beyond one or two background ships, no actual sexual content (just references and a couple jokes), and unexpected friendship :)

I'd prefer if you read this on Ao3, but my works are archive-locked, so if you don't have an Ao3 account and thus can't read it on there it's also under the cut!

No Bonding Like *checks notes* Pole Dancing

Vaggie crossed her arms, barely suppressing a sigh. “We’re not stripping as a group activity. That’s final. I don’t have anything against stripping itself, but Charlie’s group bonding sessions aren’t supposed to be sexual.”

Angel huffed. “I didn’t say stripping, I said pole dancing. There’s a difference.”

Vaggie raised an eyebrow.

“There is! Pole dancing is an art. Stripping is also an art when it’s done right, and strippers were the ones who created pole, but pole dance itself isn’t inherently about sex.”

“You’re not exactly convincing me here.”

“Look, I know it can be. Why do you think I learned?” He sighed. “But it doesn’t have to be. It’s like…” He thought for a second. “It’s like how art of naked people can be for anatomy shit, or for porn, or for both.”

Vaggie remained unconvinced.

“How about this.” Angel stretched as he stood from the hotel couch. “I spend an afternoon teaching you a bit of pole, and you approach it with an open mind. If you still think it’s ‘just sex,’ I’ll never bring it up again. But if you do change your mind, we have that group bonding session.”

“Why should I take you up on that when I can just say no as-is?”

“I’d just ask Charlie. We both know she’s easier to convince.”

Vaggie groaned. Why did he have to be right? “Fine. Look, I can’t promise we’ll allow it even if you can convince me. But you can try.”

And so, that was how Vaggie had found herself in a room with Angel Dust and a pole-dancing pole. It occurred to her that she was likely the only person in Hell to have ever had that sentence apply to her without it being sexual in some way. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other awkwardly. Honestly, she’d kind of been dreading this.

Angel Dust looked her up and down. “You’re going to need skin-to-skin contact with the pole. The jacket has to go. The bike shorts should be fine, though.”

Reluctantly, Vaggie took off the jacket. Angel seemed to approve of the loose t-shirt (most likely Charlie’s) that Vaggie had on.

“Alright,” Angel said decisively. “Let’s get started.”

It was very different from what Vaggie expected. The moves Angel had started her out with were very beginner, and Vaggie actually did feel herself starting to understand it after a few tries. It was difficult in the way that learning anything new was, but Vaggie was also familiar with rhythm and dance. That familiarity led to her picking up moves faster than she’d thought she would. She was surprised to find herself genuinely enjoying the dance. She didn’t even fall half as often as she thought she would.

Likewise, being with Angel one-on-one wasn’t awful. He was a little different here than he was around others- maybe because he wasn’t flirting with Husk or Alastor or anyone, maybe because he was confident in what he was doing, maybe just because he was trying to convince her that this wasn’t sexual and making innuendos wouldn’t help him. In any case, she kind of liked this side of him.

“Convinced yet?” He’d asked her on their third break.

“Not quite,” Vaggie responded. “I mean- this hasn’t been what I thought. I’ll admit that you were right and pole dance is an art form, and it's more than I thought it was. But I have other concerns about the group setting. Namely, I think it might turn into something sexual.”

Angel rolled his eyes and offered her a hand up. “I get where you're coming from, but that could happen with literally anything. Now, you wanna practice that move a couple more times?”

Vaggie sighed and slowly stood, as something occurred to her. “Why do you only use one set of arms?” Wouldn’t extra hands make something like this easier?

“Same reason you’re not using your wings yet. I normally do, but you’re on the basics, so you learn the fundamentals that humans can do and build from there. As your teacher, I need to model that.” He raised an eyebrow. “Also, did you think I’d teach you moves that use limbs you don’t have?”

Vaggie shrugged. Honestly, she had expected that.

They were back to the dancing part. Vaggie had to admit, Angel was really fucking good at this. Vaggie herself wasn’t bad for a beginner, but every movement looked so effortless from Angel. It was almost like he was moving in a tank of water, or like his frame rate would be double hers in an animation. She was the one that could fly, but she couldn’t help but think the way Angel defied gravity was just as impressive.

“Do you do any other types of dance?” She asked after he showed her a beginner move she’d attempted 20 times look unreasonably fucking fluid. 

“No?” he replied, audibly confused. “I learned this because of Val. I’m good because I’ve been doing it for half a century, but I’m not really a dancer.”

That actually got a chuckle out of Vaggie. “Not really a dancer my ass. That shit was smoother than half the ballerinas I’ve worked with. Seriously, you’d be great at another form if you do decide to try one.”

Wait. Why did he look so confused at that?

“You do ballet?”

“A bit. Also salsa and cumbia. Maybe modern dance someday.” She was pretty damn good at perreo, but she wasn’t about to tell Angel Dust that.

Now he was the one gaping. There was no way she’d forgotten to tell the others about that. Right?

“Since when are you a fucking dancer?”

She shrugged. “A year or two, I guess.”

“And you didn’t tell us?”

“It never really came up.”

“Because you never mentioned it! How’d you end up doing it in the first place?”

“Running got boring.”

“Come on, there’s gotta be more than that.”

Vaggie didn’t want to go on some long monologue, but Angel seemed genuinely curious, so it seemed to be time for the long answer.

“Exterminators are the most birdlike angels on a biological level, because we’re the ones who have to fly outside of the atmosphere of Heaven. Flying normally burns a lot of energy. When I lost my wings, that change was really hard on me. I started running to get some cardio back, and I saw an ad so I signed up for a few dance classes to get some variety. I went to one a nd… I don’t know, something clicked. Before I fell, my entire life was training. I still like running and sparring, but they’ll always be tied to all the baggage from...” her voice trailed off. “Dance is… it’s fun, you know? I’m not doing it for violence or for Lute or anyone. I’m doing it for me, and I can just lose myself in the music and moving and pursuing excellence and get that rush of endorphins in something that’s just mine.”

Angel somehow looked even more shocked. Fuck, was that oversharing?

“Shit, you’re right. I should absolutely take some classes.”

That was a strange reaction. “What?”

“Like I said, I learned this shit because of Val,” Angel pointed out. “I mean, we’ve got different tragic backstories, but I feel like I could get something similar from it, you know? As long as he doesn’t find out.”

Vaggie grinned. “Can you imagine everyone else’s faces if they see us performing as dance partners?”

That got an actual laugh out of Angel Dust. “Sir Pentious would probably think we’re dating,” he choked out. “That’s it, I’m signing up, we have to make that a reality.”

After a few hours that felt so much shorter, they wrapped up the lesson. Angel had Vaggie combine the building blocks he’d taught her into something of a short dance. She slipped up a couple times and she knew her movements were a little forced and choppy, but he looked so proud of her after that she couldn’t help but be proud too.

“So…” he asked. “What’s the decision?”

On one hand, she still thought that while pole could be not sexual, it might turn into that in a larger group. On the other hand, she had to hand it to him- this really was an art. Charlie’s rules for the hotel weren’t meant to be limiting, and Angel’s idea could be fun.

“I guess it’d be ok,” Vaggie decided. “As long as Charlie agrees with me.” She caught the little fist pump Angel did and added, “Also, we should totally do this again.”

“You want to learn for real?” There was disbelief in Angel’s voice.

“Yeah! This… was kind of nice.”

There was an excited gleam in his eyes as he responded, “Alright, but you had better make good on the salsa lessons.”

“Deal.”

Angel had honestly surprised her today. She’d known he was doing better, but she still wouldn’t have described herself as close to him. That energy of his personality being almost a performance, which Husk had loved to complain about, had given Vaggie a vibe to stay away- which she felt bad about in retrospect. Angel was more considerate than she’d expected and a shockingly good teacher.

“Hey, you better let me know how Charlie feels about all this tomorrow morning,” he told Vaggie with a suggestive wink.

Never mind, she took back all that sweet shit. She flipped him off, and smiled as she set a reminder on her phone for the date and time of the next lesson.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #angel dust #vaggie #vaggie hazbin hotel #vaggie & angel #vagasaurus #fanfic

[sailforvalinor]

So, I am back in the States!! HUZZAH, I am so happy to be home. But now I can talk a little about where I was, I’ve been living in Greece for the past three and a half months—so much happened that I don’t know how exactly to talk about it, so here’s a few of my favorite things:

THE RUINS. OH MY WORD, THE RUINS. I wanted to be an archeologist as a kid and I was living her DREAM. There are kind of just ruins everywhere, I was seeing them all the time, but of all of them I think I’d have to say that my favorite was either the ruins at Delphi or Ancient Corinth. (Y’all, I probably saw Paul’s tent shop.)

The coffee is absolutely fantastic there, you can get a good latte or cappuccino at any restaurant almost guaranteed. They also have amazing chocolate croissants, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat one in the States again. There is also the gift from heaven that is Lemon Coke, it comes in a solid yellow can and you can find it just about everywhere, restaurants stock them along with their regular Coke half the time. It is SO good and I don’t know what I’m going to do without it, and putting lemon in regular Coke is NOT the same.

Among other things, I got to take Greek Mythology, which was by far my favorite class of the semester. (Also, coincidentally, I took my final the same day that Percy Jackson premiered. Weird.) I also took Greek, which I did alright in. One of the most interesting problems I ran into with it was that my pronunciation was far better than my vocabulary, so anytime I’d greet someone in Greek (because I didn’t want to sound like a dumb American), they would usually assume I was fluent and start speaking to me in rapid-fire Greek. And then I’d have to shamefacedly ask if they spoke English 😂

The cats! There is an absolutely ridiculous amount of stray cats in Greece—I’d usually pass no less than three just on my way to the coffee shop. I wasn’t a cat person previously, but this semester might have turned me into one.

I found an absolutely wonderful church, as well as a Bible study with a ton of girls my age, the latter of which was something I was lacking growing up.

In general, I feel like I gained a lot of confidence on this trip, both in a broad sense and spiritually. For our Christmas Eve service today, my dad asked me to talk about a Christmas poem since I’m so passionate about poetry (I got to blab about Gloria in Profundis guys!!!), and it occurred to me afterwards that there was no way I would have been comfortable doing that before I left. There was a lot this trip taught me, but one of the greatest things I think I learned was how to be an independent member of a church without my parents. They’ve always told me that they wanted me to make my faith my own, which of course I’ve always understood, but that’s a little difficult when your dad is the minister. Being halfway across the world really forces you to be independent and weigh your own priorities, and having to make the active choice every morning to get up and take the hour-long trip via often uncomfortable public transport to church, to talk to people and make friends and not be antisocial and hide in a corner, was really good for me. I found myself becoming way more comfortable with both talking openly about my faith (something that used to terrify me) and just talking to people in general.

There was honestly so much on this trip that could have gone wrong, but it didn’t, and I’m so grateful for that. It of course wasn’t all sunshine and roses (the living was, shall we say, challenging), but there were so many moments where I felt God blessing me with something and going “Hey! This is for you! I’m giving this to you on purpose!” and I got so much comfort out of that.

All of that said, I am VERY happy to be home.

#val’s gone globetrotting #an adventure for the books to be sure

[dessarious]

What Makes a Family? Pt25

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Marinette woke in a panic and didn't know why until she realized she was alone. Her trapdoor creaked, and she felt the world start moving again when she saw it was Cass. Her twin gave her a sheepish smile, but Plagg was the one who spoke.

"She went to the bathroom and your parents ambushed her on the way back, trying to feed her. I said she needed to come get you." Mari let out an amused huff.

"They're just happy you're here. Not to mention knowing a little about your past, they're going to be trying to smother you with affection. I'll try to keep them from being too overbearing."

"It's okay." Mari could tell she meant it, but something was off. She walked over to her, but Cass wouldn't make eye contact.

"You can tell them no. They won't take it personally, and you have every right to be comfortable here. You can tell me no, too." That got her to look up, confused. "I know I'm more tactile than you. You can tell me to back off if you need to." Cass grabbed her hand.

"No." Even though she was certain the need for contact was mutual, Mari was relieved by her response. The last thing she wanted was to make Cass uncomfortable.

"Girls! Breakfast is ready." Mari could only roll her eyes at her Maman's shout.

"We'd better go down before she comes up." Cass wore a small smile, and they made their way downstairs. They didn't even make it to the bottom before she noticed her Maman's frown.

"You're both wearing the same clothes as yesterday." Her tone was flat and Mari had to fight not to roll her eyes. The sleep thing was going to be an even bigger fight now.

"We were talking, and I fell asleep before I could change." Sabine looked at Cass for confirmation. "We'll change after breakfast." She looked over at the table. "Is everyone coming for breakfast?" There was enough food there to last a week.

"We weren't sure what Cass likes and Americans are used to larger portion sizes." That was supposed to explain enough food to feed an army? "You two sit and help yourselves."

They sat, but Cass didn't seem comfortable just grabbing food. Mari ended up making both their plates, just grabbing what she thought Cass would like. When she looked up, Sabine was frowning at them.

"What?" She shook her head before going to get Tom. Mari looked at Cass but just got a shrug in return. When her parents came back in, she suddenly knew what the animal in a zoo must feel like. "Are you two going to eat, or just watch us?" Her Papa blushed, but her Maman just rolled her eyes.

"I don't think you appreciate just how strange it is to see the two of you together, acting like you were never separated to begin with." Mari didn't have a response to that. Cass started curling in on herself. "I'm not criticising, sweetheart, but you both need to realize it will take a minute for the rest of us to catch up. The boys especially, since Cass is acting out of character to them."

"And I'm not?"

"You are being you. You're affectionate with most of the people around you. Cass is more withdrawn from what we've heard, so her letting you be your normal self to her is strange to the others." Even though it made sense, it still annoyed her. She hated the fact that Cass didn't have anyone she felt comfortable enough around to let them touch her. "And honestly, they have no idea what to make of you either. I don't know what goes on in that house, but they seem to be expecting you to explode or something. It's like they can't deal with you being a genuinely upbeat person."

Mari had to force herself not to wince, and she saw Cass flinch out of the corner of her eye. Given her parents didn't know about their other activities, or their pasts for that matter, it wasn't surprising that she thought it was odd. She wasn't certain her Maman finding out the truth would be any better, though. Given what she'd heard about the Bats, and what Cass had told her last night, she might very well ban Mari from seeing Bruce. He didn't have a great track record of keeping his kids safe.

"I'm sure they're just feeling me out. Probably don't like that idea of me stealing Cass." The words just popped out, but she had to wonder if it wasn't at least partly the truth.

"You're not stealing her."

"Maman, look at it from their perspective. I just show up out of the blue and demand Cass come here, and stay here. They have no idea why, either. Given the nature of the threat, I'm surprised they haven't jumped to mind control." Her parents shared a look. "Let me guess, Damian?"

"That boy needs therapy. Badly." She had no idea. Cass let out an amused snort. "The fact that the others just egg him on doesn't help either."

"Maman, you've only just met them. All families are different and it's a bit early to judge, don't you think?" While she agreed with Sabine's assessment, she really didn't want her to jump to conclusions. Given her parents were already antagonistic towards Bruce, she didn't want them hostile towards the others right away, too. Sabine gave her a flat look.

"Normally, I'd agree, but the boys are a bit on the extreme side. I'm going to have to have a talk with Selina and get a better idea of things." Mari honestly couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing. In theory, Selina should want Sabine to like Bruce so Mari would be able to get to know him. In reality, she tended to like to cause chaos without any real thought to the consequences.

"Um, maybe you should talk to Alfred? He's been with Bruce his whole life." She saw Cass wince out of the corner of her eye and immediately wanted to words back. If Cass thought it was a bad idea, no good could come of it.

"Maybe. I don't know how much I trust the man's judgement, given how close he is to Bruce." Mari could only frown at that. With that reasoning, she shouldn't trust Selina, either.

"Just remember that Selina likes to stir things up. Please don't take what she says at face value." Her mother gave a hum.

"I tried to make sure the others would give you two some space, but they'll all be here for lunch. We'll be in the bakery so you two can spend the morning alone." She went downstairs, but her Papa lagged behind. He was holding a package she hadn't noticed before.

"We put together a sort of welcome kit for you, Cass." He seemed nervous as he handed it to her. Cass just seemed stunned. "It has keys for the bakery and apartment and a list of all our numbers so you can get a hold of us if you need to. Alfred arranged for you to go to school with Mari, so we got you a tablet for that. Chloe helped us find language software that will not only do spoken words, but you can use the camera to translate your signing, so you don't have to find the words in a language you're not used to. She's also going to be teaching us to sign when she comes over for cooking lessons. We want you to feel comfortable here. I know that it's not what you're used to, but I hope you'll grow to think of this as another home." Cass just stared at him, and Mari was fairly certain that she didn't really think of anywhere as home, at least not in the way her Papa meant.

"Thank you." Cass's words were barely audible, but she could hear the emotion behind them, and given the way her Papa moved like he wanted to hug her, he heard it too. He stopped himself, but Mari could see how hard it was for him, so she hugged him instead.

"This is wonderful Papa." He hugged her back tightly.

"If you two need anything, we're just a phone call away." It was directed more at Cass, but Mari smiled at him.

"We know. Thank you." He seemed to want to say more, but ended up heading to the bakery. Until they got a better feel for Cass, she knew they didn't want to overstep. Cass was still looking at the door. "They mean it you know. You're welcome here, whether I'm here or not."

"They should know. It's dangerous." Mari could only offer her a tight smile. It was a guilt she knew well.

"They know some of it, and knowing everything won't change their minds, but it's your decision. Truthfully, I doubt they'll be in anymore danger from you being here than they already are because of me." Cass got up to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

"We'll keep them safe."

"As long as we can." Neither of them were dumb enough, or egotistical enough, to believe they could do it forever. "Want to go back upstairs?" They put the food away since neither were hungry anymore and went back to her room. Cass just watched her for a few minutes.

"She'll probably come here to make sure you're alright." Mari could only blink at her for a moment. She hadn't thought about that. The last thing anyone needed was their mother in Paris.

"I don't suppose Bruce can talk her out of it?" The dry look Cass shot her wasn't actually needed. "I guess it'll just be one more thing to deal with then. For now, though, we need to make you a new wardrobe." Cass frowned at her. "Please? I'm not going to make anything you don't like. I just want to do this with you."

"The boys are going to be jealous." They both managed to keep a straight face for a few seconds before falling into giggles. 

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#maribat #bio dad bruce wayne #cassandra cain #marinette dupain cheng #twins

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Mini Series

ENHYPEN as Taylor Swift Songs

MIDNIGHT RAIN

synopsis: while jungwon was busy thinking a future with the two of you together, you were busy chasing your dreams. it was difficult to juggle both career and your relationship that leads you to let go one of them. which one was it?

pairings: yang jungwon x reader

word count: 11k.

warnings: angst.

note📎: it took forever, i know. please enjoy! this is the first part of my taylor swift songs series. i hope you guys liked this. your reply and reblog means a lot and my ask are open for you thoughts. thank you and stay safe.

It all started back in high-school. The first time you laid your yes over those angelic face was when he was busy goofing with his friends along the rowdy corridors of your school. You’re a transferee that day. Nervous and anxious about the new environment, tightly holding the strap of your back-pack. Silently, you stalked behind your Mom. A school personnel were leading you over the Principal’s Office.

Your eyes met that day. Instantly, you felt your heart skipped a beat at the short eye-contact. Due to the odd feeling, you were the first one to glance away. Jungwon’s stares remained, his neck even craned a bit to follow you walking pass by them. He wasn’t sure what’s the main reason why he’s suddenly at dazed. Was it because you’re new? or was it because you’re really beautiful?

“Why? You know her, dude?” his friend noticed how he was staring right at you and was about to turn too out of curiousity. Jungwon looked at him and he quickly held his head still, earning a light grunt from him.

Jungwon’s face sticked into your mind like a stubborn chewing gum. You didn’t even realized you arrived at the Principal office, your Mom have to lightly pat you to catch your attention and snap you back to reality.

“Y/n? Sweetheart, you okay?” she asked, a little concerned.

As you roam your eyes around the room, the three of them are eyeing you already. You felt embarrassed for spacing out, slightly wanting to blame that young boy for your distracting you.

“I’m o-okay. Sorry.” you mumbled and gave them a low bow as an apology.

The principal just chuckled it off and proceeded with orienting you about the school. She told you about the rules and regulations along with the fun activities you can join in. Honestly, the school was all you heard about it. It was a great school.

After the short orientation you are guided at the faculty room to be introduced at your new homeroom teacher. You will be lying if you say you’re not worried, but you know it will be all right.

“Ms. Kang, this is Y/n. She’s your new student.” the personnel said towards the middle-aged woman in front of you.

Her eyes shifted from him towards you before flashing this warm smile. Your Mom and you bowed in unison. “Please take good care of our Y/n, teacher.” your mom said.

She chuckles and even reached over your Mom's arm caressing it softly. “Don’t worry, Ma’am. I will take good care of her.”

She seems very reliable and very nice so somehow it ease your worry. As her eyes moved at you, she smiled brightly and greeted you.

“You are so pretty, Y/n.”

You flashed back a warm smile as you heard your Mom chuckling softly beside. Your head turns and you saw on her face how she looked very proud after your teacher’s remark. It was nothing new for you. Not to sound bragging, it was almost like a normal greeting for you already. You grew up being labelled as someone ‘pretty’ and ‘beautiful’.

You bid good-bye to your Mom and she even wished you luck for your first day. She was talking to you in a lively manner while the two of you heads towards your classroom.

“You wait here, I’ll just make sure your classmates are ready to meet you.” you nodded once and wait patiently right outside the room.

The teacher went inside and you heard her trying to silence the whole class as they were rowdy before she arrives. You can hear them joke around with their homeroom teacher that indicates how close they are. It was clear that your teacher is really nice.

Eventually, you are called inside. Your heart instantly thumped the moment you started walking inside the room. Eyes of your classmates were darted at you, all of them watching you walk right at the middle.

“Class, this is y/n. She will be joining us from now on so please help her adjust and be nice to her.” your teacher held your arm softly as she asked you to formally introduced yourself.

You sighed before flashing them your friendly smile, “Hello everyone, I’m Y/n. Please take good care of me.” and you bow ending your short introduction.

Your classmates clapped their hands and some even lets out playful cheers right at the back of the classroom. The teacher was quick to dismiss them, but they laughed it off along with the whole class. You end up chuckling with them too. It’s too early to say it, but you sense good vibes from this class.

“Okay, Y/n you can take your seat beside Mr. Yang.” she instructed. You glanced at her and confusingly roamed your eyes around the class trying to find the said ‘Mr. Yang’.

“Jungwon, please raise your hand to help Ms. Y/n.” she added.

Soon, a hand raised and your eyes darted at this boy— the one you saw at the corridors. The one with the cute dimples and pretty eyes. He’s here. He’s your classmate and your seatmate? ‘What are the odds?’

You tried to play it cool as you walk over the chair beside him. As you walk pass by some of your classmates, they gave you short greetings that you happily responded to. When you glanced back at Jungwon, his eyes were staring right at you. Patiently waiting for you to arrive to your chair.

“Welcome. I’m Jungwon.” he introduced pretty much right after you try to put your bag beside your table.

You fight the urge to blush as you heard his voice. It sounded so unique that you’re sure you’ve never heard it before.

“Hi, I’m y/n.” you mumbled and settled next to him.

As your teacher started her discussion, you pouted while watching how your other classmates pulls out their own textbook and search for the page. Sadly, your books aren’t available yet until the end of this week so you don’t have anything to use.

You slightly glanced at your side and you can see Jungwon rummaging over the page while goofing around his friend behind him. You sighed and pursed your lips. You aren’t the shy type of person but why do you find it hard to approach him? Does he intimidate you?

You let out another sigh and was about to ask him to share his book with you when you suddenly inhaled his manly scent as he leaned closer. You turned your head a bit at his direction, confused.

“Here, let’s share.” he shortly said before pulling your chair closer to his with no sweat. He did that too smoothly that you didn’t even had the chance to response.

Now your chairs were too close at each other and your mind was blank from any thoughts. Your eyes slowly trailed over to the boy beside you. He’s too focused at the textbook, glancing over your teacher from time to time. He seemed unbothered by the sudden stunt he just pulled.

He noticed how you’re staring so he looked at you. His eyes looked pretty, thick long lashes surrounding them giving more appeal over his eyes. Both of his brows raised in curiosity.

“Why? You can’t see?” his tone sounded a bit concerned and his hand once again reached the bottom of your chair to pull you even closer.

You blushed right away and stopped him. “No, it’s okay. I can see it.” you gulped, calming yourself.

Jungwon slowly retrieved, eyes roaming over your face like as if checking somewhere in your eyes if you’re telling the truth. He nodded once.

“You sure?” he asked that you only responded with a short nod before forcing yourself to catch what you’re teacher were saying.

You failed to see how Jungwon’s stares remained and how a small smile slowly appeared across his lips. He finds you cute when you’re all flustered, specially if he’s the reason.

He was still busy watching you when your homeroom teacher talked.

“Oh, right!” she exclaimed and faced the whole class, eyes darted at your direction.

“Y/n still don’t have her textbooks.” her apologetic smiles indicates how she unintentionally forgot about it. You quickly flashed her a smile to let her know that it’s okay and was about to say something when Jungwon raised his hand.

“It’s okay, Miss. I’m sharing mine with her.” he announced and you felt your heart thumping.

She nodded, soon a proud smile appearing her face. “That’s good, Jungwon. I purposely assigned you beside him, Y/n.” she informed you.

You nodded your head even if you’re a little confuse about the reason behind her decision. Your curiosity was soon fed when she talked like as if she can hear your inner thoughts.

“He’s the top in this class and also in the whole batch so Jungwon will be a very big help for you to catch up with the lessons you missed.” she said that left you in awe.

You don’t even know what exactly to say right after you heard about it. All you can think of is how amazing he is. How can someone as good-looking as him be very smart as well? Isn’t that too unfair?

“Mr. Yang, please take good care of Ms. Y/n.” the teacher said that snapped you back to your senses.

Your eyes looked at her, cheeks blushing as you hear his friends near your chair tease him after he answered a quick ‘Yes.’ to your teacher. You turned your head over to his side when you heard him giggling with his friends teasing remarks. His dimples were showing.

The class then continued and slowly, the whole class' attention diverted away from you making you it awkward. Jungwon was attentively listening to the class and even jotting some notes over a notebook. You pouted and silently admired how he looked so good looking serious. It’s way different when he’s goofing around with his friends.

You got a bit surprised when your eyes met when he suddenly glanced your way. You felt embarrassed that he just caught you looking at him, but it was too late to retrieve so you tried to just play it cool.

“Hold on, I’m almost finished writing it down.” he said that made you confuse. You even thought he was talking to somebody else until he raised the notebook to see if he really just finished it.

Your eyes looked at the notebook as well, silently scanning it. His hand writing is not that pretty, but clean. You can read it very easily.

After slightly reading it, he then handed it over to you. “Huh?” you asked, confused.

You glanced at his notebook then back at him. He smiled a little, “I prepared this beforehand for you. I already wrote down what the teacher discussed a while ago so this is up to date.” he explained and gently slid the notebook over to your table.

You followed it with your eyes, “Woah,” you muttered in amusement. It was just in a low voice but Jungwon still managed to hear it, making him chuckle a little. You looked really amazed with what he just gave you.

You looked back at him while starting to flip the pages of the notebook. “How long did it took you to prepare this?” you asked really curious.

“A week.” he shortly replied. He was actually a little surprised at how amused you were for just receiving a notebook filled with notes.

“Mhm,” you hummed. “How about you? You didn’t wrote the lesson a while ago.” you looked concerned. Of course you are worried if he’s going to be okay if he’s writing your notes except on doing his. He didn’t responded right away, he pursed his lips and smiled a little. It was subtle, but you clearly saw it.

“I’m going to be just fine.” his tone sounded so confident that you were convinced right away. Just then, Yang Jungwon gave you an impression that he truly is very smart.

The class went on and all throughout, he was there to assist you. He answers your questions whenever you’re confused and he explains it in the way you can understand it easier. It may be too soon to say it, but Jungwon really made you feel welcomed and assured you that you’ll do well even if you transfered at the middle of the school year.

“And lastly, this is the school field.” your eyes graced over to the wide field in front of you. It was vacant, no student can be seen around. Just like how Jungwon told you, since the season games aren’t near yet the practices for the sports such us rugby and soccer were temporarily dismissed so students will be more focused on their academics.

You smiled and admire the view in front of you. How the sun are slowly starting to set, the way it shines over the green field just creates this beautiful shade of color. Too pleasing to the eye.

After your classes the whole day, your advicer gave Jungwon the task to give you a school tour since you’re new and the campus was pretty big. You wanted to tell Jungwon that he doesn’t really need to do it, but he was very strict on following orders and doing his responsibilities. At the end, you had nothing to do but to let him tour you around.

The whole school was huge, you can feel your feet aching a bit with all the walking you two did. But you can’t find yourself complaining since you did enjoy it. You enjoyed it a lot.

Your thoughts were interrupted when suddenly a popsicle came into your view. A bit startled and confused, you followed the hand that was holding it.

“Reward for finishing the tour without any single complain.” Jungwon said and even insisted for you to accept the popsicle. You chuckled and accepted it muttering a quick low ‘thank you’.

He sat beside you and kept his stares right at the field.

“Now, it isn’t the ideal time to transfer school huh?” he started and glanced at you.

Jolting, you quickly teared your gaze away and focused yourself over the popsicle you were holding. He caught you staring and you just can’t help but to panic a bit.

“W-Well my Mom was assigned to a different branch of the company she’s working to. We had to move.”

He nodded his head and tried to look for a hint of sadness through your face, but none shown. Maybe a little, but not how he expected it to be.

“Were you okay with it?” his question took you off-guard for a while.

Your head snapped over to his direction, meeting with his soft gaze. For the first time, you felt your stomach churns in discomfort. That was something you never felt before. It was not a good feeling, but for some reasons you wanted to feel it again.

“U-Uh, yeah? The city looks cool and a lot of fun things to do here.” you slowly looked away and took a bite over your popsicle, disregarding the pain you felt over your teeth at the sudden action.

“Besides, in this place I will be closer to my dreams. There will be a lot more opportunities here.” excitement dawned unto you just by thinking about it. Jungwon saw how your eyes sparkles and your smile brightens as you talk about it.

Suddenly, he found himself curious.

“What’s your dream, Y/n?”

You smiled and turned to look at him, wearing your sweetest smile. Jungwon was at dazed, staring at your pretty face while the sunset graces over your skin perfectly. You looked beautiful and his heart skipped a bit.

“To become a model.” you confidently said.

It was true. Ever since you’re a child, you’ve wanted nothing but to become a model. Something about wearing fancy clothes and walking to the runways just makes you feel excited. It was your biggest dream and you will achieve it. You will do anything to live your dream.

Jungwon broke into a smile.

“It suits you.”

You blushed but chuckles before thanking him.

“What about you? What’s your dream, Jungwon?” you asked very curious as well.

One day of knowing him, you just really know he’s an amazing person. Being someone who’s very smart, you know he can dream of becoming anything and will surely do it.

He smiled, “To become a doctor. I want to help sick people.”

Your mouth gapped a bit, amused at what he said. Yes, you did said that he’s smart and he will make it whatever that is he wanted to become, but hearing that he wanted to become a doctor just makes him a hundred percent more cooler.

“Woah,” you couldn’t find the right words to say and your amazed reaction made Jungwon chuckle a little.

“What? You’ve never heard someone wanting to become a doctor?” a hint of teasing linger through his words so you playfully glared at him.

“No, but that is the first time someone said it in a very cool way.”

He clicked his tongue and scoffed, “So you think I’m cool?” he asked taunting you.

You rolled your eyes and stood up from the bench before starting to walk away. Jungwon followed quickly, “Hey, wait up.” he said laughing.

You scoffed back at him, “I never thought you can be very smugly.”

He slid one of his hands inside his pocket while the other held over his popsicle before he show you this smirk of him. He looked very attractive, but of course you didn’t say that.

“Well what can I say? I’m a very cool person according to you afterall.”

You bit your lower lip, suppressing a smile before rolling your eyes and just decided to eat your popsicle while walking out of the school. Jungwon continued following you, still teasing you about how you think he was cool. Now, you’re starting to regret that you said those words to him.

When you arrived near the bus stop, Jungwon easily threw his popsicle stick at the trashcan not far away then he gave you this confused look.

“How will you go home? Will your Mom pick you up?” he asked, concerned.

You shake your head as a ‘no’, “I will take the bus. My Mom is stuck at her work until late evening so I have to go home alone.” you said while pointing at the bus stop.

Jungwon glanced at it before he looked back at you, “Do you even know what bus to ride?”

You gave him a short nod.

“Yes, she gave me directions too.”

Jungwon didn’t talk right away and just stared at you. Thinking that maybe he’s worried for you, specially because he’s the last one you are with today, you gave him an assuring smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine! Thank you so much for today.” you said and even gave him a short bow. After standing back up, you waved and started going towards the bus stop. A lot of people were there, probably waiting for their bus too.

On the other hand, you are unware that Jungwon didn’t left the scene. He put both of his hands inside his pocket and watch how you wait patiently for your bus. You stood there holding the straps of your back pack, lightly tapping your feet at the concrete floor. You looked cute and confused while you check over the buses that were arriving.

Minutes after, Jungwon sighed and raised his head to look at the sky. His smile fell and his brows furrowed a bit.

“What am I doing?” he whispered over to himself.

Hearing the arrival of another bus, Jungwon lowered his head and looked at it. Seeing the familiar numbers you just showed him, you saw how you went inside that bus. Jungwon was standing there, not doing anything. But even before the last person enters, he just found his own feet moving on their own. Running hurriedly and beeping his car over as he managed to step inside. His head turns and his eyes searched for you right away.

“Jungwon? Is this your way home too?” you asked him surprised when he sat down beside you.

He gave you a small smile, ears turning a bit red. “Y-Yeah.”

You smiled, relieved that you are with him. You may not know him that much, but its way more better than being alone. As you glanced over to the window, you failed to notice how Jungwon’s smile spreads, seeing how the worry over your face disappears. He may take time going back home later, but its fine. At least he can make sure you’ll arrive home safely.

The following days of school were much fun for you. You started having friends and starting to adjust to your new environment. It wasn’t easy, you still have a lot of things to catch up and a lot of things you should get used to, but it was bearable. Jungwon was a lot of help. You two were getting along pretty well and somehow starting to grow closer.

You two are together most of the time since he had to help you with your academics. Like this time, he took you to the rooftop of your building. It was just your second time being up there despite of attending the school for two months and a half already. The first time was when he toured you months ago.

“So this is your favorite place to study?” you asked curiously as you roam your eyes around. The atmosphere and vibe here is calm. With the plants and cold breeze blowing, you must admit this can be a perfect place to feel relaxed. Relaxed meaning you can be more focused and study efficiently.

Jungwon moved a chair closer to his usual seat. He glanced at you, curiously checking the whole place like it was your first time. He smiled and called your attention. You looked at him and he taps the chair beside him.

“Have a sit.” he instructed.

You quickly obliged and sat beside him, placing your bag at the floor beside you. Jungwon opened some textbooks and organized it over the table. You pouted, starting to feel dizzy with all these textbooks and notes in front.

“Can we study later? I don’t really feel like studying right now.” your lips pursed even more and you glanced over his way.

Jungwon stared right at your eyes before it moved over your lips. He gulped and teared his gaze away, “Y-You have a lot to catch up, Y/n. Besides, midterms is near already. I have to help you study—”

“You always help me to study.” you cut him off.

Jungwon looked at you.

“Can’t we have a normal conversation right now? I want to know more about you and not about these textbooks.” you have no clue what got into you but you are serious.

Spending a lot time with Jungwon, just made you even more interested towards him. The way the students around you describes him was acceptable. He is smart, from a good family, nice, responsible, goofy sometimes and of course, good-looking. Jungwon, is an ideal person, that’s for sure. But what drawn you more interested to him is despite having all those good qualities, his smile and eyes tells you that he still have more. That there’s still more to know.

Jungwon gulped and licked his lip once while staring at you straight to your eyes. He admit, he might have find these tutoring lessons fun than how he expected it to be. This doesn’t burden him at all because spending time with you is something he enjoys to do as well. Sometimes, he even use it as a reason so he can spend time with you. Funny, because he’s never been like this towards anyone.

You cleared your throat and looked away, embarrassed.

“I-I’m sorry. You’re right. We should stu—”

“What do you want to know about me?” he cut you off. His question made you face him with slightly big eyes.

“R-Really?” you asked, stuttering out of surprise.

He smirked and nodded before starting to fix the textbooks he just organized. “Do you want to study instead?”

You shake your head rapidly that made him chuckle. It was too obvious how iiu despise studying.

“Why do you want to become a doctor, Jungwon?” that was one of the questions you wanted to ask him.

“To save people’s lives.” he answered too painly like as if you are some website asking what’s on his mind.

You rolled your eyes, “Come on, you can do better than that.”

He smirked, “Let me hear you then? Why do you want to become a model, Y/n?”

He crossed his arms, attention fully focused on you.

“I want to express myself through something I love to do. I want to show people that clothes isn’t just materials you use to cover ones body but also to express ones emotions.” you said seriously.

Jungwon smiled, looking a little proud after hearing what you just told him. He sighed and looked far, like as if he was thinking too deeply. That was the first time he actually thought more about why he wanted to become a doctor, why he wanted to save people’s lives.

“I want to be someone’s hope.” he started, fidgeting over the edge of the textbook he was holding.

“I want to be a doctor who can serve as a hope for sick people. Someone they can lean on and trust that they will get better.”

Your eyes were staring right at him, admiring the passion he was showing through the words he was saying. It was amusing for you. You knew how hard working he is and how he put so much effort to all the things he do but just seeing his true ambition was so much more.

“You’ll be a great doctor one day. I just know it.” you said, you didn’t blink saying those words. You sounded so sure, confident, like chanting a spell.

Jungwon smiled genuinely, “I’m sure you’ll be a famous model too.”

He raised his hand hang some of your lose hairs over to your ears, catching you off guard. “You’re really beautiful and charming. Everyone will love you.”

You felt your heart racing. Numerous times Jungwon made you feel butterflies but this was one moment he made your heart race like this. It was memorable. Not just for you, but also for Jungwon as his heart beats together with you and you were totally unaware of it.

You continued your conversation. Trying to know more about each other. As you go deeper over your convesations, as you know more facts, you grew closer to one another and a feeling slowly bloomed unknown by both of you.

Time skipped too fast. The next thing you know, it was already your senior year. It was just then you realized that what’s those writings says was right. Time do pass pretty quickly when you’re happy. All along, you are with Jungwon.

“Do you think Jungwon have a prom date already?” you sound cautious and worried as you move awkwardly, unable to stand stable beside Sunoo.

He’s one of Jungwon’s good friends and now your friend too. The young gentlemen sighs beside you as he type over his phone.

“If you want to ask him to be your date, just do it. Its not like he will say no, Y/n.” his monotonous tone just indicates how uninterested he is to what you are trying to talk about.

You sighed frustratingly, “You don’t understand, Sunoo! What if Jungwon already has a date? Or,” you gulped feeling your chest tightening by the idea. Sunoo lets out a sigh finally sparing you a glance. “He already has someone on his mind!” you added.

Sunoo pursed his lips before letting out yet another sigh. It was obvious he’s done with you already. For you, it wasn’t rude anymore as he was always like this. Out of all your friends, he’s the one well aware of your feelings for Jungwon besides yourself.

“Look, if Jungwon already have a date which we know is impossible, we would’ve probably know about it by now.” he said, trying to explain it to you or just kick some senses back at your mind.

“And if he already have someone in his mind, its probably you!”

You bit your lower lip, cheeks heating up after hearing those words from Sunoo. Prom is a big deal for you and having Jungwon to be your date sure will mean a lot. He’s the guy you have feelings for afterall. Of course it will be more memorable if he’s going to be your date.

You were still spacing out when Sunoo suddenly talked again, his eyes were looking pass you, more like at the person behind you.

“Finally!” he exclaimed.

When you turned to look over your shoulder, Jungwon was there. His familiar scent invaded your nose, causing your stomach to churn in a familiar way only him can make.

“Hey, sorry for making you wait.” he softly said, talking mainly to you.

“Y/n wants to ask you something Jungwon so I will leave you two.” your head snapped over to Sunoo and you gave him this warning look.

He doesn’t looked bothered and instead smiled sweetly at you. He waved and exits himself from the picture. You wanted so much to grab him by his uniform but was distracted when a hand gently grabbed your things from you. It was Jungwon.

When you met his eyes, they looked curious and his attention was fully on you. He was always like this. He makes sure he gives you his one hundred percent attention whenever you have something to say.

“What is it?” he asked, one of his hand held your things easily while the other hand reached to softly hold your elbow. It was like his way of saying that he’s listening.

“N-Nothing. Sunoo was just joking.” you said and even flashed him a fake smile.

Jungwon kept his eyes darted at you before he nods his head. He may noticed that you are lying, but he isn’t the type to force you to tell him things you aren’t comfortable to tell him yet.

“You sure?” he asked again, giving you another chance.

You nodded and he soon guided the two of you towards the main gate of your school. While walking towards the bus stop, you clenched your fist and bite your lips. The things Sunoo said kept flashing back over your mind.

“Y/n?” Jungwon looked at your worriedly when you suddenly stopped walking.

“I do h-have something to ask you, Jungwon.” you admit.

Jungwon blinked twice, his pretty eyes just makes you more nervous. Its always those expressive warm eyes of him that makes you go crazy.

“What is it?”

You let out a sigh, “About prom...” your fingers fidgets as your heart thumped hardly.

“What about it?”

You looked straight to his eyes, “I j-just want to ask if you already have a date.”

There... you finally asked him. Now, your heart thumped even harder waiting for his answer. You don’t even know if you’re ready about whatever that is he’s going to say. There’s only two answers and only two emotions you’ll feel once he utter those words.

“Yes.” he said, his face serious.

Your shoulder fell and chest starting to tighten right away. Something between your throat are starting to lump it, giving you a hard time to talk. Your eyes are starting to heat up as well.

“O-Oh...” was the only response you can say.

You wanted to slap yourself so you can compose yourself and refrain Jungwon to notice how disappointed and hurt you are.

You were about to say something but Jungwon beats you to it.

“You’re my date to prom, right?”

You looked at him, speechless. Tears starting to pool your eyes.

“You know its only you for me.”

The prom was amazing and having Jungwon as your date just makes it magical. You two had the best time. He made sure you will have the best night and the most memorable one. Of course, for Jungwon, the moment you agreed to be his date, he already knew its going to be the best night for him.

As days pass by, the more fierce your feelings for Jungwon became. You have no idea if its just you or your feelings will be reciprocated, but you don’t care anymore. You just want him to know. You just want to let it out from your chest.

“Hey,” you greeted him when you arrived at the rooftop, his favorite place to study.

He quickly glanced at your way and flashed a smile. “Hi beautiful.” he softly said and placed a kiss at your forehead, making you blush.

“How’s the screening?” he asked, referring to your scheduled appointment a while ago.

You smiled, “It was good, I guess? I hope I will hear from them soon.”

He smiled, “I bet you would.”

You broke into a smile as well. At times you are worried and doubting yourself, he was there to calm you down. He was there for you, always there.

“Jungwon, have you ever thought of dating someone?” you suddenly asked.

You know it caught him off guard because his eyes grew a bit big.

“I know you’re busy and you’ll probably be more busy once we go to college but,” you gulped and bit your lower lip, feeling really nervous.

“do you want to try dating me? I mean I will be very busy with my course and career! You will be busy with your studies. I wouldn’t have the time to be clingy, or if I will be I will make sure that it will be during your free time—”

“Do you love me, y/n?” he suddenly asked.

You choked on your own words, unable to say something. You expected him to ask you if you’re out of your mind or something not this kind of question.

“Because in order to date, I believe you have to be in love with that person. So do you love me?” he asked, his eyes never leaving yours. It made you very nervous but your heart was beating so fast, like responding to his question, answering on behalf of you.

“Do you?”

Jungwon sighed as he lets go of the pen he was holding before grabbing over your hands. His eyes was fixed at it for a while before he lifted them up to look at you.

“Yes.”

You don’t know how you looked like when you heard his answer.

“In case you are still unaware of it, yes. Why do you think I even stick to you like a gum after all this time? Why do you think I still put effort on making you notes and teaching you despite of you not showing interest on studying? Why do you think I take care of you so much?” he said. You pursed your lips and blinked a couple of times like as if trying to wake yourself up incase this is just a dream.

You licked your lips and felt them shaking a bit, your heart was racing.

“I don’t understand. Are you serious? When did you start getting interested in me?” there was a lot of questions that played through your mind.

He chuckled, finding you adorable.

“Why do you think I rode that bus for months making you believe it was my way home even if it was on the other way around? I was already interested at you that time.”

You are shedding tears as you listen to him. The feeling was too overwhelming for you, but the kind you are not complaining for. It was a good feeling and you know it was only for him. It was only for Jungwon. For you, it was always just him.

“I love you, Jungwon.”

He smiled, kissing your tears away while cupping both of your cheeks. He blinked multiple times as he moved away, like pushing those tears back inside his eyes.

“I love you, Y/n.”

Graduation came even faster. You graduated with a decent grade, thanks to your boyfriend. He’s still the top of your whole batch, and you couldn’t be even more proud. After the ceremony and taking nonstop pictures with your friends and family, both of you decided to visit he place that played a big part for your relationship. The rooftop.

“I can’t believe we’re leaving this school already. I’m getting a little emotional. I’m going to miss this place.” you admit as you lean over the railing, looking at the view beneath you.

“Really? I thought you hate it here since whenever we come up here, we study.”

You chuckled, “Well, sort of. But I enjoy every moment with you so I can just disregard the other feeling.”

Jungwon chuckles before approaching you. He gave you a back hug and rests his chin over at your shoulder.

“Don’t be too sad about it, baby. It just means we’ll be going to much bigger journey. We’re a step closer to our goals.” he said, comforting you.

You sniffed and nodded your head, agreeing. Silence occur the two of you, it was a calming type of silence.

“Where do you think are we both after 10 years?” you suddenly asked.

Jungwon sighed, “Well, I’ll be wearing a white coat, already a doctor...” he started before  placing a kiss at your cheeks then slowly turned you around so you can face him.

“And you’re already a famous model.” he said and bopped your nose once. You smiled as you snake your hands over his nape, playing over the hair over it.

“You’re already my wife that time.” he said softly as he leaned closer, placing kisses over your face. Your face heats up, heart racing as his usual affections.

“How many kids do you want?” you asked that made him smirked.

“Its up to you, bunny. How many you want to give me, as long as they’re healthy and from you.” he placed a kiss at your lips once before pulling away. He held your chin, caress it gently.

“They’ll be very beautiful like their Mom and I will do my best to make all of you happy.” he said that made you smile.

“Oh I’m very sure of it.” and this time it was you who leaned in for a kiss.

“Do you think we can do it?” you asked, finally letting him see your worries.

You could never say what the future awaits for the two of you. But one thing’s for sure, you love Jungwon so much and nothing can change that.

Jungwon planted a soft kiss at your forehead, “As long as we have each other, we can.”

College then started. As expected, studying took over most of Jungwon’s time. You understand it as it was for his future. It was fine since you started going to go-sees for modeling agencies. He’s busy chasing his dreams and you are too.

“Hi baby!” you greeted him happily when you arrived inside his dorms.

You two haven’t seen each other for weeks so you are pretty excited meeting him. He looked at you surprise, hair a bit messy from all the gripping he do while getting frustrated over school. He stood up and quickly greets you then stole a glance at his wall clock.

“Love, I’m sorry I haven’t cooked yet. I was busy reviewing it slipped out of my mind.” he apologizes, feeling bad that he couldn’t cook like he said so.

You smiled and placed kisses over his pretty face. The last kiss lasts a bit longer, Jungwon even chased after your lips after you pulled away making you chuckle.

“Its fine. I came prepared.” you said and raised your hand that was holding the ingredients you brought so you can cook for him.

He smiled, “You really are sent from heaven. I love you.” he said that made you chuckle.

“I love you more, baby. Now go back reviewing while I cook for the two of us.” he gave you a few more pecks before resuming to what he was doing while you go to his kitchen to cook dinner for the both of you.

The first few years were bearable. Like how some warned you, it wouldn’t be so easy, but you and Jungwon didn’t gave much attention to it since you both know that as long as you have each other it will be alright. As expected, arguements were one of the trials life had prepared through your journey, so you argue from time to time.

“You forgot our date.” you sounded a bit disappointed. Jungwon clenched his jaw, knowing he was wrong but too tired from studying. His sleep deprived self couldn’t even swallow his pride as of the moment.

“I’m sorry if I was too busy reviewing a lot and not have a more free schedule unlike you.” his mouth moves faster than his mind.

“And now its my fault?” you sounded hurt. Jungwon cursed himself and quickly approached you to say sorry.

You wanted to not give in right away, argue with him at how he made you upset for once again forgetting your date and somehow blaming it to you. But you realized, you’ve been missing each other too much. The time is running and won’t wait for you, might as well reconcile and just shove away the argument.

Reaching ones dream truly is not easy. Specially in the industry you are trying to get yourself into. The world of models are harsh sometimes. It can crush your confidence in no time. Not everyone there was nice and since you’re just starting, hearing rude comments were hurtful for you.

Jungwon was walking towards their lecture building when he felt his phone vibrating. He was quick to fish it from his pocket and a smile instantly spread across his face. He’s been waiting for your call since he knew you went to a go-see.

“Baby! I’ve been waiting for your call. How was— Y/n?” his smile fell when all he can hear from the other line was sobs, heavy sobs.

“Love, what happened?” he asked, he stopped walking and his friend looked at him with a worried expression.

“Baby, hey. I’m listening. I’m here. Calm down, please.” he tried to make you feel better. As usual, Jungwon was there for you.

On the other line, you are crying so hard to the point you can’t even compose a good sentence. It was the first time you’ve experienced that and it was almost like a nightmare. You’ve attended a go-see and one of the mentors there humiliated you and took you out from the line of models saying that you don’t have the potential.

“I n-need you.” were the only words that came out from your mouth.

A lot of things that you wanted to say but you know out of all of them, what you uttered was the summary of it. You need Jungwon beside you, you need him and nobody else.

“I’ll be there. Stay put, all right? I’m coming.” he said and ended the call.

Jake was looking at his friend, wondering if what’s going on. Jungwon lifts his gaze and looked at his friend. He noticed that all their blockmates were gone towards the lecture hall where the test will be held.

“We need to go, Jungwon. The test will start in a few minutes.” he tried telling him, but Jake knew something’s going on inside Jungwon’s mind already.

He pursed his lips into a thin line before flashing a small smile.

“You go ahead, Jake. Sorry for keeping you waiting.” he started and taps his shoulder.

“I need to go, Y/n needs me.” and he left the scene without looking back.

Jake stared at Jungwon’s figure and realized what love can make people do. Is it necessary to let your emotions affects your future? Of course, for Jungwon it was fine. It was you who needed him afterall. He will do it again in a heartbeat if you need him to.

“You scored low this term, Jungwon. That’s so not you.” Jake, said as they walk towards the library one day.

He’s starting to get worried for his friend. He knows he’s very smart and that he can get his scores back in no time, but the distraction is too much lately.

Jungwon smiled a little, couldn’t really hide the fact that he was disappointed of himself too.

“I couldn’t review much because my girlfriend is still having a hard time right now. She didn’t make it to the fashion show she’s preparing for again.” he tried explaining.

Jake looked at Jungwon, unable to find the right things to say. He knew about you and him. Honestly, he salute the two of you for making it work for years. It was really hard to make both relationship and career to work at the same time. He can see Jungwon’s determination on making it work, that’s for sure.

“It doesn’t mean you should let it affect and give you a hard time too. This is your future we’re talking about, Jungwon. You are a good student, remember that.” Jake tried comforting his friend.

Jungwon smiled again, “Yes, but Y/n’s part of the future I’m building, Jake.”

If there are bad times, of course there are good times.

“Hello?” Jungwon was waiting for you to talk over the phone. He was fidgeting over his fingers, worried why you’re too silent.

“Baby?” he called you out. He’s currently at his shift but it was his break time so he had the time to call you to ask about your audition for this runway.

“Hey, its okay. You can just try again. There’s a lot of more opportunities for you, love. I’m still very proud of you.” he tried comforting you.

“I..” you started while suppressing your smile from the other line. “got in, baby! I got in!” you screamed and cheered.

Jungwon was so happy for you. Finally, it seems like both of you are slowly achieving all your dreams and most importantly, together.

But the closer you both gets, the more complicated things get. The more sacrifices you need to make. Its slowly starting to feel like the closer you step into your dreams, the further both of you goes away from each other.

Jungwon as expected do well on med-school. He tops his batch and even if he’s still studying, a lot of hospitals are eyeing him already, offering him work. You are happy for him, very happy.

On the other hand, you are not doing so well lately. You are being too occupied by the thoughts that he was slowly soaring far for his dreams and you feel like you aren’t going farther. You feel like you’re not enough. Its slowly getting into you, affecting your emotions and how you perform to your career.

“I’m disappointed of you, Y/n.” it was like a knife being stabbed straight to your chest.

This runway was a big deal for you. You wanted so bad to get picked as one of the models that will participate to it, but sadly you didn’t make it.

“I can see that you have potential in you.” she started. She’s your manager. An old model herself.

“But I can see that you’re not focused on your goals. Do you want this? Do you really want to become a model?” she asked.

You nodded, “Yes, Miss! This is my dream ever since I was a child.” you said expressing how badly you really wanted this career.

“I can’t see your dedication, Y/n. It seems like you have a lot of distraction with you.” she stated.

She sighed, “You know, in order for me to became one of the best I had to sacrifice a lot of things along the way. I focused on my goal and cut all of the distractions away.”

You cried so hard after she left the dressing room. You are hurting because you knew that she was asking you to choose between this career or Jungwon.

You are so tired and seeing Jungwon achieving his own dreams while you’re dangerously losing the chances to yours makes your mind clouded. You wanted so bad to be successful just how you both planned, and you don’t think you can do it having these distractions.

It may hurt you so bad, it may cause a heartache that won’t be healed too easily but you know you had to do something in order for you to achieve your dream and knowing Jungwon, you know he will understand.

Your heart broke as you saw him pushed himself off from the wall he was leaning on. Like usual, Jungwon flashes you his brightest smile while wearing his white uniform. Pursing your lips and balling your fist, you tried shoving away the pain that is slowly suffocating your chest.

“Love! How was it?” he sounded hopeful, waiting expectantly for the news you will tell him. Jungwon was so ready to congratulate you for good news and to comfort you for the opposite.

You lift your eyes and his smiles slowly faded once he saw them filled with tears. He panicked and walked closer to cup your face, but you moved away from him. He looked confused and hurt at the same time. He knew right away, something was up. Something’s about to happen and he have a bad hunch about it.

You glanced away, couldn’t take it to look at him in that state. “H-Hey, what’s wrong? What happened, bun? Let’s talk...” he said. You bit your lower lip, feeling your chest tightening in a very hurtful way. It was the worst feeling you ever felt.

You let out a heavy sigh before finally facing him. With cold, but tearstained eyes, you tried to keep your stare at his confused sad eyes. “I don’t think i can do this anymore, Jungwon. I’m sorry, but let’s break up.”

Jungwon was speechless after hearing what you just said. He felt his heart tightening as his ears ringed. Throughout your relationship, there are times he felt like this. Whenever you two fights and have misunderstanding, but none of those can be compared to what he was feeling right now. He never felt so hurt before. He never felt this lost before. His eyes looked at you and he saw how you’re as broken as he is. He saw how you’re hurting as much as he’s hurting.

“N-No, baby...” he said trying hard not to let those tears come out from his eyes. It was very hard as he can feel this bitter feeling slowly consuming everything in him.

He tried reaching for your hand, but you pushed his hold away. You cried, letting it all out as you finally let Jungwon see your vulnerable state.

“Please, Y/n... Let’s talk.” he plead and tried to go closer again. “Not like this, please. I c-can’t—” he couldn’t take it anymore, tears started flowing out from his eyes.

It broke you even more watching him like this. He rarely cries so you know you are really hurting him. You can’t help but to hate yourself, but you also know you have to do this. You needed to do this.

“I want to achieve my dreams too, Jungwon.” your voice cracked. “You’re slowly achieving yours, what about me? I want to have mine too.”

He can hear how desperate, tired and hurt you are.

“I’m here. I will help you—”

You shake your head, “The only person who can help me is me.”

It left him silent. The only thing you can hear was your cries. Jungwon stood there, watching how you cry and feel his heart broke. He couldn’t fully understand how you can choose to let him go at hard times like this when it wasn’t even an option for him during his difficult times.

But at some point, he understand you as well. The look on your eyes, how broken and tired you are. He doesn’t want you like this. All he wanted was for you to be happy and if achieving your dreams even if he’s not going to be by your side anymore will be it, then he will let go. He will give way, even if it means he will lose you.

He sighed before wiping off his tears. He slowly approaches you and caged you with the tightest hug he could give you. New set of tears flows as you cried even harder this time.

“I understand, love.” he uttered the words that make it even hurtful.

How can he be still kind despite of you breaking his heart?

“I wish you nothing but the best, Y/n.” he added, “I love you.” and placed a soft kiss at the top of your head.

When he pulls away, you almost grabbed his arms back to stop him. You didn’t even have the energy to do it and so you just watch him walk away. Your chest tightens in a very hurtful way as you try to call him out. The words couldn’t come out properly from your mouth from too much crying. You shut your eyes and cried harder like as if it will somehow ease the pain. It didn’t. It hurts so much watching the love of your life walking away from you.

“I’m very happy to have you here, Ms. Y/n! It was hard casting you because I heard your schedule was already so packed.” the organizer of the runway was very thrilled to meet you during this rehearsals.

You flashed a small smile and told her that you are as honored to be present here. Despite finally making your own name at the industry, you remained humble. Its been years ever since you’ve been back here in your country so you’re very happy.

Your thoughts flew as his face flashes back. Your heart aches in a familiar way. Unlike before, you aren’t shedding tears right away. You were used to it already. That pain and longing were almost like a friend.

“Miss Y/n, time to do the rehearsal.” you went back to your senses when you’re called by one of the staffs.

You quickly went to do the rehearsals together with the other models. A lot of them recogized you and even let you know their admiration of you. During the practice, as you were about to graze the runway, an unexpected accident happen.

One part of the stage collapsed causing for you to fall and hurt your leg. Everyone panicked as you slowly losing your consciousness after bumping your head.

“Call an ambulance right now!” you heard your assistant shouted before everything finally went black.

The next thing you know, you are greeted by a white ceiling. Your assistant and manager was there, looking so worried.

“You’re finally awake! How are you feeling?” you looked at your manager as she worriedly asked you.

She asked your assistant to go tell the doctors that you are awake. You gulped and tried telling her you are okay but your throat felt so dry. You don’t even know how long you are out.

Even before you can say something, some nurses went inside. But the next person who entered what made your whole world stop. Years may had passed and he may looked a bit more matured now, but nothing changed.

Yang Jungwon, wearing his white coat was standing right in front of you. After years of not seeing each other, you finally had the chance to meet again. You don’t know what to say, you are overwhelmed.

He smiled a little that made your heart skipped a beat. He went near the water dispenser to get you water and hand it over to you.

Your hand were shaking a bit as you accept it from him.

“I’m glad you’re already awake. How are you feeling?” he asked, his voice became more mature as well.

Your heart aches, longing for him. The past years that you were away from him, just proves you how much you love Jungwon. Your feelings for him didn’t change one bit.

“G-Good.” you stuttered while looking at him.

He nodded and looked over your injury. It’s just a small injury but he said he had to run some tests to you to make sure you are perfectly fine.

He was explaining to you in a very professional way and you can’t help but to feel amused. He’s really right in front of you, already a doctor just how he told you years ago. You are very proud of him.

But you wouldn’t lie, you’re a little hurt because he’s somehow acting like as if you’re not someone he dated for a long time before. Like you two were just schoolmates meeting each other again after years. It was like you didn’t laughed together, cried together, like you didn’t share secrets to one another, make dreams together, shared kisses. It was frustating.

He continued talking. You are barely listening. The only thing you think about was how happy you are to see him again. Your manager was the one who’s very attentive. You don’t know for how long it was but when its finally over, he bid good bye. You panicked a bit, couldn’t find the words you wanted to say. The years of being apart, you have a lot you wanted to talk about. Too many that you don’t even know where to start.

“Y/n, you all right?” you snapped back to reality when your manager suddenly talked to you.

When you roamed your eyes around, Jungwon was not there. He was gone.

“Oh, the doctor left since he’s said to have an operation. He really just stopped by to check on you.” your manager’s words caught you, but the last sentence she said left something. Did he really stopped by for you? Does that mean he still cares for you? You can’t help but to have small hope.

Being away from him didn’t change your love for Jungwon. If anything, you just realized how precious he is for you. You will be honest, you wanted to get back with him. Maybe start again, finally do your plans back then. You are ready to settle.

“Are you serious right now? What are you doing back there? You just got discharged last week.” you bit your lip as you slowly parked your car right at the parking lot of the hospital where Jungwon works at.

You spent almost three weeks healing yourself and you are now able to drive again. Two weeks in this hospital and one week at home. And now, you decided to pay him a visit here hoping you two can talk properly. The type of talk where you two catch up and not just about your damn injury.

“I c-came to thank him for taking good care of me and the nurses! Yes, the nurses were too nice I had to treat them. I promised them I’d treat them a meal.” it came out as an obvious excuse to see Jungwon. But you don’t care, nothing can stop you now. You’ve wasted years already, you don’t want to wait anymore.

“We both know you’re there to see Yang Jungwon, Y/n.” Sunoo on the other line was quick to catch you. He’s currently in a photoshoot and its their breaktime. He heard about your plan from your manager.

You let out a sigh and rested your back at the seat of your car. There’s no point in hiding it from him. He knew too well already. You two met again in some runway and ever since then you’ve become close again. He knows you’re doing something crazy and nothing can make you do these things, but Yang Jungwon.

“Fine. Yes, I’m here to see him. I just want to maybe talk to him, you know? Catch up with each other. Its been years ever since we saw each other, Sunoo.” you let yourself blabber.

You can hear some background sounds from where he is but it slowly disappeared as he moved somewhere more private.

“Yeah you’re right. Its been years already. A lot of things surely happened. He can be married already, Y/n.”

There it is... That one sentence you wished you will never hear. You know he’s right. Jungwon is an ideal and you do know his opinion about getting married and having a family of his own. You are the person he’s with when you planned all of it.

“I saw no ring over his fingers.” you tried arguing and convincing yourself that there's still hope for the two of you.

“Doctors removes their accessories since they—”

“Sunoo, please? Right now, I really don’t care about the doctor’s procedures or anything. I just want to talk to him.” he stopped talking and just listened to you. He understands your frustration and as your friend, hearing your desperation over your tone kind of hurts him.

He knows you’re partly blaming yourself for losing him, for losing what the two of you have. But he also knows that it was for the better that time. You needed to let him go to grow.

“I missed him so much and even if I try to deny it, I know its still him. I know I still love him and its him I long for. There’s a blank space in me that only Jungwon can fill.”

Sunoo closed his eyes and rested his head at the wall he was leaning on.

“Alright. Just call me if anything happens.” he surrenders. Its not like he can do anything about it anyway. You cannot be stopped and you know to yourself you wouldn’t let your chance go. You’ve waited long enough.

You thanked him and ended the call before you decided to go enter the hospital. Some people managed to recognize you, giving you small waves and some even approached to say hi.

When you arrived at the lobby where he usually stops by, the nurses there noticed you right away. Some stood up and greets you excitedly.

“Miss Y/n! How are you?!” one of them came up and help you with what you are holding. Foods, just like what you promised.

Nurses started to approach and say hi. They were very happy and thankful for the things you brought. As they were busy checking it out and chatting with you, you roamed your eyes around hoping to catch a glimpse of the handsome gentlemen.

“Dr. Yang? He’s currently performing a surgery, Miss. If you want to see him, you can just wait outside his office.” you blushed as you turn to face the nurse who seem to took notice of you searching for him.

You flashed her a quick smile and thanked her before making your leave. The hallways were pretty familiar because you stayed here for a while.

When you arrived in front of his office, you can see some people outside. Seems like they’re waiting for him as well. You felt a little hesitant if you’d stay or what, since it looks like its a busy day for him again. At the end, you decided to just say hi and then you can go.

You sat down next to a lady. When you two met eyes she flashed you a smile, but then her eyes grew a bit big.

“Y/n?” she exclaimed, completely shock at seeing you right now.

You smiled and waved a little, overwhelmed how she reacted just by seeing you.

“I’m a big fan! You’re very beautiful.” she said. While she greets you politely, you noticed how her smiles is very pretty.

“Thank you so much, you’re very pretty yourself.”

She was very nice and so its just natural how you both smoothly went into a conversation. As she was still busy showing her admiration for you, one nurse stopped right in front of where you two were sitting.

“Mrs. Yang?” she said.

You two snapped your head on the same time as what the nurse slowly sink to you, the smile over your lips slowly faded while you turn to face the lady in front of you once again.

She was smiling brightly, “Jane! Hello, oh no. I’ve come unannounced! Is he still at the operating room?” she said and stood up to gave the nurse a hug.

You on the other hand was still at shock. Your whole body felt numb and your head became blank. None of the words they were saying are making any sense to you. The only thing you can think of is the way she was addressed by the nurse. ‘Mrs. Yang.’

‘It can’t be.’ you thought to yourself. You were indenial. Your eyes shifted to look over her hand and your heart cracked at the sight of a ring, a very beautiful ring.

Your eyes are starting to water and so you quickly stood up to do the best thing you can think of. To leave.

The next scenes were blur for you, a lot of people over the hallways, some even bumped to you. You don’t care anymore, you are out of your own senses. Your breathing are heavy and unstable, you can feel yourself suffocating. The pain was too much for you. It was like the remaining air was being squeezed out of you, your lungs being pressed hardly.

When you made it to the parking lot, you lost it. Crouched down right beside your car, crying at the middle of the empty parking space. Thankfully, this part was pretty vacant. No people near you, you’re free to cry your hearts out because you don’t know what else to do. You know you have to cry it out or you’ll seriously explode.

You heard footsteps nearing you so you quickly raised your head and looked over your shoulder.

The first thing you saw was his familiar worried eyes. He’s wearing his cool uniform while looking at you full concern. Your heart ached even more, seeing him standing a few feet away from you but still felt like he was very far. Suddenly, there’s some barricade between you.

Jungwon stopped from his tracks and looked at you with worry. He pursed his lips and clenched his fist, slightly feeling bad that he doesn’t know what to do or say.

You slowly stood up and faced him. His heart hurts a bit seeing your face drenched with tears. Instantly, he was reminded of that night. The night that broke something in him and left a big scar.

“Y/n...” he started, he can’t continue his sentence right away as he felt a lump over his throat.

You inhaled heavily, trying to prepare yourself.

“Is she...?” you can’t finish your question.

The look over his eyes already gave you an answer, but you still waited for what he’s going to say.

“Yes. We got married a year ago.”

You raised your head and closed your eyes tightly. Your lips were shaking in so much pain and because you’re trying to keep yourself from making too much sound. Hearing it from him just broke you into million pieces. You felt like you’ve been ran into by a big truck and just left there, bleeding and dying. Only difference is you aren’t bleeding outside but you are dying inside.

“She’s v-very beautiful.” you managed to say and even tried hard to give him a smile.

He’s a bit blur from your perspective because you’re crying too much. You can feel every part of you aching. It was the worst of worst. You don’t even know if you can put into words how hurt you are right now.

“Y/n, I-I’m—”

“I’m h-happy for you, Jungwon. Really. I’m very h-happy for you.” you said and tears were just continuously streaming down your face. You cared less, you don’t care if he can see you at this state. You just have to let it out.

“I’m years late, but I just want you to know I’m very proud of you.” you silently thanked yourself for not stuttering at that part.

He clenched his jaw and pursed his lips, “Thank you, Y/n. I’m proud of you as well.”

You smiled and nodded your head. It was nice hearing that from him, but not enough to sooth the aching of your heart.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t wait for you.”

Your lips shakes as you try hard to keep your smile right after he said those words to you.

“I loved you so much, Y/n. You are one of the reasons why I am here now.” he said and smiled, you can see the corner of his eyes shining. He’s getting teary too.

He will admit, when he saw you again weeks ago his whole system shut down. You played a big part of him afterall.

“She...” he licked his lips and blinked his eyes to push back those tears. “saved me. She made me whole again after you left me broken.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

He smiled, “I understand why you did it and honestly, I will do the same thing again if we were back at that time again. You achieved your dreams, there’s nothing more I could ask for.”

As always, he’s still very nice.

“Are you happy, Jungwon?”

He didn’t answer right away, but you saw his eyes sparkled. For a moment, you saw the Jungwon you loved years ago.

“I am.”

Your heart was aching, but you flashed him a genuine smile.

“That’s a-all I have to know. You deserve to be happy, Jungwon.”

“You too.”

“Nice seeing you again.” he nodded and was about to say something more but then was called by a nurse.

Looks like there’s an emergency. He turned to face you.

“Go. I’ll be fine.”

‘Lie. Don’t go. Don’t leave me.’

“Nice seeing you again, Y/n.” he said and turned his back at you.

Your smile fell and tears streamed down even more as you watch him walking away. It was like the same scene that broke you years ago, only this one was even more hurtful.

“I’m sorry I was late.” you uttered.

You went inside your car and cried inside. Your whimpers were light, but the pain was too much. Suddenly, your memories with Jungwon flashed through your mind. From the first time you two met, your moments in the rooftop, when he joins you in that bus, the prom, and a lot more. Good and bad, you cherished them all.

You rest your head at the seat of your car and try to catch your breath. Just thinking about it now, you realized that he remained the same. The way he look after you and cared for you. He’s still so gentle towards you. He became a doctor like he said, married with a beautiful wife and soon will have the family he wanted.

Your hand rest over your chest as you feel it hurting even more.

The only thing that changed was you. You as a person and the you that was part of his plans were long gone. He wanted a comfortable life, you wanted pain. You were okay that time. Having a hard time, but you managed through. You ruined it and decided to leave him.

He wanted a bride and you were too busy chasing your dreams, to make your own name. You were blinded by the fact that he was achieving his dreams and you’re not. You’re too busy looking outside the picture and failed to notice how you have something very beautiful that time.

All of him remained the same. Your precious Jungwon, the one you loved back then and the one you are still loving now are still there. He stayed the same, while all of you changed, like midnight.

—————

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[swords-of-a-soilder]

Bless you for compiling what’s going on with that ex-bird app. It’s been genuinely insightful for me to understand the thoughts of the kinds of people behind those accounts.

That person trying to cancel creators for associating with Forever (and probably advocating for his lore to be excised from the server) saying “but I can’t possibly give up guapoduo, it’s My Hyperfixation” is very telling. Hypocrisy specifically in the context of “separating the art from the artist” isn’t something I’ve seen before, shockingly, so I guess I get to add that to my Social Media Discourse Bingo. (I had an online friend in 2016 who I was terrified to talk about my interests with because I didn’t know what angry punk teenagers on tumblr had deemed “evil and disgusting”, and even SHE stopped listening to some of her favorite metal bands when she learned they were homophobic, and had absolute turmoil when she learned that David Bowie might have allegedly slept with an underage groupie in the 70s. Her constant, unpredictable rage at seemingly random pieces of media was awful for my mental health, but at least she wasn’t a genuine hypocrite.)

Also that tone of “I’ve had good memories here… but I just can’t handle it anymore.” It sounds like someone whose meaningful but soul-crushing work has finally broken them, almost sounding like someone I knew at the frontline worker job I had mid-pandemic who missed her own birthday three years in a row, got repetitive stress injuries, and then got passed over for a promotion that was given to someone who did a fraction of the work. But the “God willing, I’ll never come back” was followed by “I’m 13” …damn, I got whiplash so hard that I astral projected into a universe where things made sense for a second. Because of course kids don’t have a complex view of other countries’ political systems or cultural pressures. Or the nuances of personal change and redemption. Or that sometimes people are just not online for a few days. And of course a 13-year-old doesn’t understand how dumb and petty they look by trying to ruin other peoples’ careers in the name of Activism (tm) while having a fandom portmanteau username.

“I didn’t want it to come to this but… I’m going to delete twitter!” I hope so, but more for their own sake, honestly. I actually have less anger towards most of them now. Many are kids with a false sense of grandiosity that makes them believe they are the ultimate moral authority, but have very little understanding of how messy people or societies can be. I just hope they can learn one day, and look back on who they are now and cringe. (And then many years after that, have the grace to forgive themselves.)

Oof, sorry for the wall of text.

I’m still not over the whole situation with Forever. I miss his energy, and his accent, and his silly bits with Richas that always dragged on too long, and N.I.N.H.O. (and everything it represented), and how different he and Cellbit are but how they understood each other WAY too well, and how he tried to make people who didn’t log onto the server as often still feel welcome and wanted, and how happy he got when anyone non-Brazilian even tried to speak a little bit of Portuguese. (I was learning, but I’ve barely touched it since.) I won’t lie, it’s affected me far more than I thought it would.

I miss Forever. Thank you for your blog being a little space where that’s okay.

I'm honestly a little worried for the kid (s), not in a "oh I just want the best for" fake bs way just a little concerned tbh. I still don't like them but I don't hate them either, they're a kid.

But at the same time I'm worried for their well being, they have like 5,000 follower on their main Twitter and 28 on curious cat (which is apprantly high for that app )

That's 5000 people (teens or not) waiting for you to tell them how to feel that can't be good for their mental state, not for a 13 yr old kid.

Most of their life was spent learning about the world and their still learning, these are the ages where you're worried about the sun blowing up.

You haven't seen how awful the world can be yet, You haven't seen how much worst it could get you haven't learned calculus yet!

To you the world is only these 13 years and you think if you don't act now everything will be over.

I get it, I had that fear too, most people grown into it and realize just how shitty it can get an settle in choosing their own battles and not letting It consume them, because no one had time for that anymore.

You want to experience the most out of live while you can and the older you get the easier it is to balance.

To me it looks like one of those situation where you'll look back and think "I wish I enojyed my childhood."

Because 5000 people waiting for you to tell them who to bash, 28 people prasing your while admitting they use to hate you.

It can't be good. And if they were to read this they'd probably say "oh you don't actually care you just want to shit on me."

And like, yeah I don't care, but am I saying all this because I want to shit on them? no I'm just pointing out concerns.

Apart from that I fully agree with anon.

#Ask #Qsmp #qsmp discussion

[missnight0wl]

Let’s talk about Elton Elderberry – and why he’s a total bitch

First of all, I want to thank @thedoodlecat because a lot of the ideas I’ll discuss were formed during our conversations. So, credit where credit's due!

Secondly, I want to make it clear from the start that it’s not quite a theory, meaning: I personally don’t believe Jam City might take the story in this direction. However, I believe that a lot of it might be a leftover of what’s the story supposed to be. And yes, it can also be explained by the writers having no idea what they’re doing, but on the other hand, it ties in with many interesting details from the past, mostly from Y5. And I still believe that year was super important for the narrative.

Now, without further ado, let’s move on to Elton. Spoilers up to Y7Ch56.

Ok, so the first thing that really bothers me about Elton Elderberry is that he was well aware of the Crown of Mneme, how dangerous it can be, and he had to at least suspect that it might be in the Sunken Vault – and for all those years, he did absolutely fucking nothing.

And it’s quite problematic because there’s no way he just… didn’t know about MC and the Cursed Vaults. At the beginning of Y3, MC told us that pretty much everyone could learn about it from the Daily Prophet. And we know that the Ministry was especially aware of it. Even if we ignore Moody’s involvement starting from Y6, first with Rakepick and then with Peregrine, we also had the Ministry sending Tofty to spy on MC during our O.W.L.s because of the Cursed Vaults. And honestly, I just don’t buy the explanation that Elton somehow… just didn’t hear about it. So, like, what the hell?

Now, I can hear you saying: “Oh, but of course Elton didn’t do anything because he wasn’t a character yet and Jam City probably just created him now!”. And you know what? That’s a totally valid remark and quite probable explanation. Still, I kept thinking about it anyway, and I quickly noticed another problem with Elton: how we actually learnt that he was directly involved in Ryusaki’s death. I mean, look at those scenes:

And then after our visit to the Archives:

(I just have to point out that he’s fucking grinning here…)

… and then:

Do you see the problem here??

Imagine this. You meet Steve. Steve tells you about the mother who died in a car accident with her two children. Sadly, she was the one who caused the accident because she was under the influence. Later you learn on your own that the said mother was a model parent, always there for her children despite having two jobs, actually sober during the accident, rarely drunk at all, and in fact, it was Steve who caused the crash. When confronted, Steve admits to everything and says he feels terrible about it and it haunts him every day. Would you believe Steve that he’s so sorry? BECAUSE I DEFINITELY WOULDN’T. In fact, I’d do everything to stay away from Steve.

Now, again, I’m aware that it might be simply JC’s incompetence in making a connection between the Crown of Mneme and Dai Ryusaki – even though it could’ve been easily done without Elton actively portraying Ryusaki as a bad guy. For example:

Elton: I advise you to avoid the Crown at all costs. MC: I wonder if it has anything to do with the Dark Scroll… Elton: You don’t mean Dai Ryusaki’s Dark Scroll, do you? MC: That dark wizard? Yes, I do. Why? Do you know anything about it too? Elton: *not answering right away and looking very ashamed instead, showing already that he doesn’t want to reveal the truth because of his loyalty to the Ministry, but also showing his guilt*

And yes, I know it wouldn’t be the first time JC didn’t see the simplest solutions in their writing. But as I was thinking about it more, I realised that if we assume that Elton indeed knew about MC and the Cursed Vaults all that time and did nothing on purpose, it’s both surprising and fascinating how many things start to add up. In this scenario, Elton would also want to portray Ryusaki as a bad guy. I know it doesn’t fully work currently because, in the end, it was Elton who let us go to the Archives, but I guess it’s possible that originally, we were supposed to learn the truth about Ryusaki in some different way. And either way, I have to point out that there’s something very off in this part of the story no matter what. I mean, let me ask you one question:

Why exactly Dai Ryusaki was killed?

Because if you think about it, it was never really explained… properly. Like, we keep using words like “miscommunication” or “misunderstanding”.

But… how the fuck can you kill somebody because of misunderstanding? I guess we’re supposed to interpret it as: “The International Confederation of Wizards thought Dai wanted to use his invention to do bad things while he was actually trying to destroy his invention once he realised it’s dangerous”. However, this interpretation doesn’t really make sense. Why? Look at Ryusaki’s notes we found in the Archives.

Ryusaki seems absolutely certain that once he destroys what he was about to destroy, it’s done. He accepted that his work would be no more after that. And that makes me believe that nobody else (or almost nobody) knew about his work. Because otherwise, he’d have to realise that someone might try to replicate his work, right? Or even force him to simply repeat it? Yet he’s not worried about it. And the thing is that Ryusaki was a very intelligent, reasonable, and conscious man. So… how the hell the International Confederation of Wizards knew anything to misinterpret Ryusaki’s intentions?

Well, what if there was someone other than Ryusaki who knew about his work after all? But Dai completely trusted that person, so that’s why he was so sure the whole thing would remain secret? What if that person happened to work at the British Ministry of Magic? What if this person was…

Elton “The Bitch” Elderberry?

Ok, so I know that everything I said so far is a big assumption, but I swear it does make sense, so please, bear with me. And I’ll actually start by summarising what I believe how it all began and then I’ll elaborate on each element because it’s gonna be easier for me that way.

So, I believe that Dai Ryusaki and Elton Elderberry were once good friends. They were both quite talented wizards, and while they had different goals in life, they realised at some point that the treasure from the Cursed Vaults might help them achieve that. Together, they created a group that we know as R. Unfortunately for Elton, Dai realised eventually that both his own invention and the Cursed Vaults themselves are dangerous, so he decided to quit. Elton didn’t like it, and he was afraid that Dai would try to stop him as well, so he decided to be proactive about it. Using his position as a Hit Wizard at the Ministry, he sold Dai out, claiming he’s a dangerous dark wizard. Elton kept R alive ever since, and he was waiting for MC to be born because MC is necessary to open the final Cursed Vault.

Of course, I assume that the original plans for the final Cursed Vault were different than what we saw in Y6. Also, from that point, I’ll keep calling Elton “Brelton” because:

BITCH + R + ELTON = BRELTON

… and I just think this distinction might be useful because, as I said, I don’t think it might still be true, yet it seems that Elton Elderberry will stay in the story anyway. Ok, but let’s talk about some details.

Dai’s and Brelton’s goals

As for Dai’s goal, it’s pretty straightforward. It’s basically said directly in the game: he wanted to help people with traumatic memories. What would be Brelton’s goal then? Well, let me remind you one note from R we found in Y5:

The interesting thing about it is that for the longest time, it was the only case where it was mentioned that R had any interest in immortality. As soon as the Dark Scroll was introduced, we only talked about R wanting knowledge. I even talked with my friend about how weird it is that the writers totally abandoned the immortality aspect (Bee, I’m not tagging you because I don’t want you to feel obliged to read this long-ass post, but if you’re reading it anyway: Hi! I’m talking about you!). In fact, I’m pretty sure that the word “immortality” wasn’t even used in the main story after that note from R – until our conversation with Elton in Y7Ch49:

And you know what? I don’t think it’s just a coincidence. Because it’s not even true! Every time we talked about Ryusaki’s potion, it was about mind-enhancing potion.

So… what if it’s the leftover of the original plans for Elton’s character? What if it’s Brelton who was all about immortality? And now, JC just looked at the notes made by Matt London and his team and simply put the immortality potion in there without thinking if it made sense. I realise it feels like another stretch, but I have to point out that Elton’s old age is a little sus – and they stress all the time how old he is. I mean, wizards do live longer than Muggles, but most of them don’t live over 300 years. (There’s actually the HP wiki page about it.)

And the thing is that from the story point of view, it wasn’t even necessary to make Elton this old. Sure, it adds some flavour with the reveal that he was actually there when Dai was killed, but on the other hand, he mentions every now and then that his memory is not the best anymore etc. So, wouldn’t it be better if MC met Elton's son or grandson, for example? Personally, I think it would, and that’s why I’m gonna assume for the rest of this analysis that R was always about “enlightenment and immortality”, and that Dai Ryusaki represented the first element while Elton Elderberry the second one.

Why they needed the Cursed Vaults?

Ok, so now that we know what they wanted in general, let’s try to figure out why they went after the Cursed Vaults – and as I mentioned already, I assume that the original treasure was actually… well, a thing. I admit that I wasn’t able to figure out what exactly it could’ve been, but I have some ideas about what properties the Treasure could have, based on Dai’s and Brelton’s goals.

This time, let’s start with Brelton because it’s a bit easier. Basically, I believe that Brelton managed to invent something that grants semi-immortality, but it’s not the perfect invention. Sure, he’s still alive and his mind is not in the worst condition, but still. So, I think that he believes that the Treasure could improve his invention by granting actual immortality and/or eternal youth.

It’s a bit more complicated with Dai because we have to consider multiple elements. First of all, we have the mind-enhancing potion. The recipe for it was hidden on the Dark Scroll which was confirmed by the notes found by MC in the Archives. But earlier, MC also mentioned “a device”, and then they read: “I can’t bear to destroy my life’s work, but I know that I must. The scroll has already been hidden”. So… what exactly was he about to destroy? If we want to stick to the legend told by Corey, it might’ve been about the already-prepared potion. He might’ve also been referring to his research in general and his notes or something. But then we have the Crown of Mneme… And that’s quite interesting because we actually know that it’s something he found in Greece – which, by the way, confirms that the Crown was not something placed in the Cursed Vaults originally (I’ll return to it in a moment).

Either way, to simplify it a little bit, I’m gonna assume that Dai’s invention was about the Crown and the potion - and that together was considered his “device”. What about the Treasure then? I see a couple of options.

Perhaps the Treasure would give more control over the Crown or allow to exchange of thoughts both ways. I mean, what we saw in the game looked like the wearer could only send their thoughts, but if Dai wanted to treat patients with traumatic memories, he probably wanted to extract those memories.

Perhaps the Treasure could permanently remove/destroy traumatic memories. Because I don’t think you can actually do it with Obliviate, for example. I might be wrong, but I feel that there is always a small chance that the memory would come back or simply leave some mark behind it.

How the Crown of Mneme ended in the Sunken Vault?

So… If Dai was so certain that his invention was gone and to be forgotten, and on top of that I claim that he didn’t want to have anything to do with the Cursed Vaults, then how the hell the Crown of Mneme ended in the Sunken Vault? Well, I guess I won’t surprise anyone at this point by saying that it was Brelton who was behind it. And the best thing is that we actually know that R was in the Sunken Vault in the past – and that’s thanks to the note found in the Weird Sisters TLSQ:

So, this is what I propose. Brelton got the Crown of Mneme before Dai’s death somehow. I don’t think that Dai would just give it to him because I assume they already fell apart at that point. Or perhaps Brelton lied to Dai and offered that he’d destroy the Crown? Either way, he probably wasn’t planning to destroy it (as it might be useful for him), and he continued his search for the Cursed Vaults. Unfortunately for him, once he got to the Sunken Vault, he realised he couldn’t do anything without the key. And now, the key might be the Gillyweed/Coral Key Rakepick took from us in Y4, or maybe it’s about the siblings – or it’s both (like in my version of the story). Anyway, the Treasure was unachievable, so Brelton used this opportunity to hide the Crown of Mneme and just left.

Ryusaki and the creation of the Cabal

Ok, but why I assume that Dai Ryusaki even knew about the Cursed Vaults, to begin with? I just explained how it was probably Brelton who put the Crown in the Sunken Vault, and we don’t really have anything to prove that Dai needed the Treasure to improve his invention. Well, yeah. But we have something else. Something that I find very exciting. See, during our first trip to Knockturn Alley, we visited also Flourish and Blotts where we found a Black Quill containing this message:

And for the longest time, I was just… absolutely stumped by it. I couldn’t come up with any decent theory as to who left that note. But now, I do strongly believe that it was left by Dai Ryusaki. Brelton was too greedy to get his immortality and too afraid of his own mortality to leave the Cursed Vaults and refused to listen to his friend that it’s too dangerous. The note also talks about “them”, so maybe R had some more members at that point already (but only Dai and Elton knew everything). And you know what makes it even more fascinating? We found this Black Quill in the book by Maerwynn Montfort who’s a totally original author mentioned only in this specific scene in HPHM. Interestingly, Maerwynn is a feminine name that is of Welsh origin that means “joy”. And coincidently, Dai is a Welsh masculine given name (which means “beloved”), a hypocorism of Dafydd or David, as well as a masculine Japanese given name. Like…

Are you kidding me??

I mean, ok, sure. It might be just a coincidence. But you have to admit that it’s a pretty damn odd coincidence. Maybe Maerwynn was someone from Dai’s Welsh part of the family or just a friend whom he met there? Or maybe it’s just a pseudonym or something. But either way, it might be hinting at some (“Welsh”) connection. And that’s why they were exchanging secret information!

Still, that’s not even all I finally realised about the note. Because I also believe that it confirms that the Cabal from Jacob’s notebook is a different group than R – and I think that it was Dai Ryusaki who started that group.

Ok, so I explained the whole idea in this post. It’s one of my shorter analyses so I recommend checking it out. But to put it even shorter, my problem with the note from Y5Ch15 was always that Jacob was confused about why the Cabal wanted to kill him.

But R was very open about threatening Jacob and especially his family, so… it shouldn’t be surprising at all. He might’ve been confused if he was doing everything R told him to do – but then it doesn’t make sense that R would want to kill Jacob and MC. I mean, after Duncan’s death, they clearly told him to continue his search.

So, I always interpreted the Cabal as a separate group who wanted to protect the Cursed Vaults by killing the siblings because the siblings are necessary to get to the Treasure. And if we join it with the note from Flourish and Blotts, it totally adds up. Dai realised that the Cursed Vaults were dangerous and wanted to stop R. Brelton wouldn’t listen, so Dai wanted to destroy the vault portrait which, assumingly, would make it impossible to get to the Portrait Vault. On top of that, he started the group that was supposed to make sure that nobody would ever get hurt by the Vaults by killing the siblings (who can get the Treasure). It was about the creation of the Cabal this whole time!

Brelton as the true leader of R

In general, I have to say that Brelton being the true leader of R just makes more sense. In this scenario, it’d also mean that Peregrine is just… a current face of the organisation. A puppet. And yes, I keep saying that I don’t believe that Perry was always planned to be a part of the story, so why do I even mention him? Well, to be completely honest, I’m willing to accept that Perry was planned along with Dai and Brelton’s story – just not as MC’s father. Because it makes sense that Brelton would want to keep his position at the Ministry, and if so, he’d probably need someone to (occasionally) represent R. And that could be Peregrine. In fact, we saw some moments when the leader of R was treated weirdly ambiguous. The first case is our conversation with Rakepick in Azkaban. And yes, I know that we didn’t know about Peregrine then yet, so it kind of makes sense to leave it more ambiguous, but I want to point out a specific thing Rakepick said.

Honestly, I was always confused by it because “the one behind it all” sounds like someone who also created R, at least in my opinion. On the other hand, we had hints in the past that R is a rather older organisation. Not to mention that Perry claimed that he joined R, meaning that R was R before the current leader joined them. Of course, it is possible that Perry lies. It is also possible that the title of R is simply given to each leader. But… I don’t know. Rakepick’s words sound to me like she is talking about only one person. However, if that one person is actually Brelton, it makes sense that he’s both the current true leader and the one responsible for creating the organisation.

My other issue is with Olivia’s memories. Because Rakepick is very clearly talking to someone from R in those scenes, but for whatever reason we never learn who it was.

So, what if it was actually supposed to be Brelton? And speaking of that, ever since we learnt that Olivia was working at the Ministry, I thought it was pretty suspicious, and I fully expected that R was controlling that. And what a coincidence that Elton became Olivia’s mentor for all those years…

Hell, it’d even make more sense why Verucca is so damn worried about Perry being cursed by Ryusaki’s amulet. Because if Brellton indeed betrayed Dai, then it could mean that it’s Brelton who’s the real target of that whole revenge plan. The curse might be simply generalising it because, well, it’s just a spirit that’s basically the essence of Ryusaki’s anger. But if Verucca knows about everything as a high-ranking member of R, then yeah, she’d try to stop Perry from hurting their dear leader Brelton.

And… that’s it!

Once again, like I said, I do not expect the game to confirm any of the things I discussed above. But that being said, I feel very confident about pretty much everything I said. And even though it took me months to finally write it all down, I have to say that putting it together was really fun and exciting. Who knows, maybe it’s the last time I feel like that about HPHM theory, at least when it comes to relatively new content. But even if so, I’m kind of glad that I got some semi-closure to the things that were bothering me.

#long post #hogwarts mystery #hphm #elton elderberry #dai ryusaki #hphm mc #olivia green #patricia rakepick #hphm peregrine #hphm r #the cabal #cursed vaults #brelton theory #analysis post #theory #hphm theory

[clover-the-awesomest]

Talkin bout Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel) for a hot sec okay thanks

Okay. Listen. This is a pretty big topic I’m gonna be delving into, and it’s a topic I’ve had no real exposure to until recently, so a lot of the things I’ll be saying is of my own opinion. I will be talking about SA, child abuse, abuse in general, alcohol, self-destructing, SH, and Hazbin Hotel in general. All of these are very big topics (Yes, including Hazbin lol) so if you are not keen on listening to some outsider talk about these things, please leave. I don’t want you reading something that will actively make you uncomfortable.

And again, let me reiterate: I am an outsider looking in. I have had no real exposure to any of these topics until I watched Hazbin Hotel episode 4. This is not meant to be a call-out or me making any educated guesses. It is purely just for my sake and so I can say my piece about these topics. DO NOT, IN ANY CASE, ASSUME I KNOW 100% WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. I AM YOUNG AND DUMB, AND I AM VERY LIKELY TO MAKE SOME HOT TAKES HERE. IF I MAKE A MISTAKE OR SAY SOMETHING CONTROVERSIAL, DO NOT HESITATE TO HARRASS ME, BUT BE WARNED THAT I WILL NOT ENGAGE.

One final disclaimer: If you know anyone. ANYONE who is going through a rough patch, or someone who has experienced any of these things before or are currently going through it, please please PLEASE just at least reach out. Say hi. Make them a gift. Listen to them talk. Sit with them for a while. Stay on call with them for a while. Just… Just be there for them. Please. Even a little can go a long way.

With all that out of the way, here is my very overdue take on Hazbin Hotel episode 4: Masquerade.

———

====

It is depressing. Genuinely, it is a very sad and very raw episode. And honestly? It does not deserve any of the hate that it is most certainly receiving.

Masquerade is an episode all about the horrors of an abusive (Sexually and otherwise) relationship and how it affects the one being abused. Angel Dust, who’s been shown before this episode to be very toxic and sexual, is once again given the spotlight that he very much deserves, shedding light on his behavior and why he acts the way he acts.

What is genuinely saddening about this episode is that we know that what Angel goes through is not far from reality in the slightest. If we take away the magic and the soul contracts, we get a day in the life of a real human being in the world right now as you are reading this. Someone is out there being hurt, being abused, by someone they once looked up to. They are being manipulated, being slapped, being thrown against the floor, and all the while they are powerless to do anything. It’s such a sad, sickening reality that I wish wasn’t true, but it is, and that’s that. I want more than anything to be able to help these people who are being hurt and are being used, but I currently have no way of doing that and I feel so so terrible and wrong for saying that but it’s true and I just… Ugh. It’s so depressing, really. The lengths that other human beings are willing to go to just to have someone under their control at all times. I hate it, truly.

“When I say ‘Come,’ you say…”

“Yes, Valentino.”

“When I say you are fucking 20 guys before lunch, you say…?”

“Y-yes, Valentino…”

…

Valentino wants money and control. That is all this fucker wants. The moment he laid eyes on Angel’s desperate drunken ass he instantly knew he struck gold, and just like that, the spider was under his control. In the beginning, Angel did just as he was told with little pushback, because he was looking to make a quick buck and this was also literally a goddamn overlord he was working with. Disappointing his boss could spell disaster! After a while though, Val’s demands became much more intrusive and much more harsh than they were at the beginning, and Angel’s hope for a fresh start began to slowly fade away. Soon enough, he got to where he is now. Still working with Valentino, but wanting desperately to find a way out. To be free from this double-hell that he’s dug himself into. To be happy again. But of course, now that he’s dug himself a grave and has already lied in it for some time, he can’t exactly escape. Valentino has seen his work first-hand, has experienced it with his own disgusting fuzzy body, and loves it all with every fiber in his bones. He doesn’t just want someone to fuck 20 guys before lunch. He wants Angel to fuck 20 guys before lunch. He’s found his new favorite toy, and he intends to keep playing with it.

Now this is where the manipulation comes in. Angel wants to leave, he knows he does, but he also knows that he can’t. Literally, he can’t, because his soul is bound by a contract that only Val has access to, but even without that in the picture, he cannot leave. It was shown via a previous episode (I forget which one I’m not sorry) that Valentino cannot and will not let go of his favorite toy. He sends Angel text after text after text, voicemails, emails, calls, you name it. We see a clip of him sending Angel a large amount of voicemails, and in each one he switched between being nice and caring to his spider baby to going full on insane! He yells at Angel in one voicemail, then starts cooing and whispering in kindly tones in the next. It’s such a terrifying way of showing the abused that the abuser can change their mood on a dime and that they can’t control it. That they need an out, something to let their frustrations out on. It terrifies the abused into staying, leaving them both to fester in this cycle of cat and mouse for a while before one of them inevitably breaks said cycle. Though it usually isn’t broken until it’s too late.

There is one upper hand that Angel has over Valentino though, and it’s that he knows what Valentino is doing and doesn’t fall for those kinds of tricks. Angel is a spider, and spiders are well-known for being tricky and sinister and gross, so naturally he’d pick up on Val’s manipulative behavior. This then leads Angel into another issue in his life though, and that’s his coping mechanisms.

Since Angel knows how terrible Valentino’s treatment towards him is, and since he knows how much it hurts him, he turns to other things that don’t exactly help. Alcohol, drugs, clubbing, more goddamn sex like can this man please just stop having sex if he wants to get away from it please can he just have a break por favor-

These are good substitutes for the pain. They are like numbing agents, or more questionable anti-depressants. Angel goes to the club to forget it all, to forget how much everything hurts. He goes to get heavy drinks so that he can forget. He gets high so he can forget. He has sex so he can forget.

He hurts himself more so that he can forget.

Rather than talking with someone and dealing with his stress and emotional turmoil head-on, Angel pushes it away. Off to the side. Bottles it up in a small plastic container where he’ll never have to see it again! But when leaving a glass of water under the tap for too long, it’ll quickly begin to overflow, and that’s what we see happen with Angel in Masquerade. It’s been so long of him using his illegal methods of forgetting, of numbing the pain and ignoring it, that everything just begins to spill over. He starts losing his touch, starts affecting those around him who clearly had nothing to do with any of it in the first place. He oversteps Husk’s boundaries, is constantly rude to Charlie and Vaggie, and just straight up ignores everyone else. (As far as I’m aware. Not mentioning Pentious in this btw cuz he’s a temporary resident at the hotel.) Even when Husk calls Angel out on his behavior, even when he calls the guy fake, the spider does not, CANNOT, budge. He remains indignant, is still a cocky little bitch, and just tries his hardest to not drag everyone else down with him. It backfires horribly, of course, and Husk soon ends up dragging him away from his escape, from his anti-depressant. And Angel snaps.

”IT’S NOT AN ACT!! It’s who I need to be…! And this? This is my escape! Where I can forget about it all, how much I hate… EVERYTHING. A place where I can get high and not have to think about how much it hurts.”

And then… We get this line.

“And maybe, if I can ruin myself enough in the process, if I end up broken, I won’t be his favorite toy anymore.

And maybe he’ll let me go.”

…

This line hurts me so much. My chest aches every time I hear it. Because what it entails is genuinely horrifying. Angel is telling Husk that he is literally just a toy to Valentino, just a perfect plastic doll that he loves in a perfect plastic house that he owns. The spider doesn’t know how much it’ll take to full break himself, doesn’t know if he’s even able to do that, but at this rate he is very ready to see if he can. He wants to do that, he wants to break himself. Angel wants to become physically unable to do Valentino’s dirty work, to get thrown away just like all of Val’s previous toys did. He wants, more than anything else, to just get tossed into the trash and get crushed by the truck that collects him, just so he doesn’t have to be hurt by Valentino anymore.

But the part of his speech that truly hurts me is when he says that MAYBE Valentino will let him go. If Angel was so sure that his idea would work, that breaking his boss’s favorite toy will get him to lose interest, he would’ve said “And then he’ll finally let me go.” But instead he says Maybe. Because Angel isn’t even sure if Valentino will let him be free after all this. He is unsure if Val will lose interest, if he’ll be tossed aside, if he’ll be able to find happiness in his afterlife once he is broken. He’s so far from what he dreamed of that he is more than willing to hurt/kill himself, even when he’s unaware if it’ll even help him in the first place.

Seriously. How sickening is that??

And again, one of the saddest aspects of all this is that real people experience these things in real time, in the real world, right now, as you are reading this. It’s terrifying, scary, downright depressing to think about! How so many people are willing to kill themselves just for the slightest chance at grasping freedom, yet are unsure if they can even reach it once they have that chance.

The worst part is, though, is that before opening up to Husk, this was literally Angel’s only way of finding freedom. To break himself apart so that he couldn’t be used anymore. If he can’t be broken, if he can’t die, then Val will just keep using and using and using Angel. He’ll keep hurting him and abusing him and manipulating him, and the poor guy is very unable to do anything about it at the moment. It’s so sad and so twisted and I hate it so much.

This episode of Hazbin Hotel has been getting a pretty fair amount of hatred just for existing, and honestly for once, I can see why. It touches on a very, very heavy subject that not too many people are fully familiar with. And even if there are people who are familiar with/have experienced SA before, they most likely did not have the same experience as Angel does in the episode. Which, yeah duh, of course they didn’t! We’re not in Hell yet! But the way they go about it is horrible. I’m assuming people are hating on the episode for both painting SA in a terrible light, and also not being true to their specific events. So, in response to this, let me just say this…

Nobody, no matter what, no matter what you do or where you go or who you are, is gonna have the same exact experience. For example, I went on a big hiking trip with my dad over the summer, and I saw many other families go on the same exact path we did. And yet I could tell they all were doing fine, and they all enjoyed themselves, while I was feeling like I was gonna fall and die at any fucking moment and I just wanted to get back on solid ground. The view was nice but the journey honestly made me think I was gonna go splat right then and there and I was not too happy about that.

What I’m saying is that I did not have the same exact experience to anyone else on that trail. Everyone else except for me was doing fine, yet their experiences were all purely their own. This is what makes us human. The difference in appearance, expression, and experience. Thus, for people to come out and watch an episode all about SA and for them to expect it to be exactly as they imagined… No. just no. Get a therapist, please, because you clearly have something wrong with you.

And as for painting SA in a terrible light… That’s… That’s good though? SA is genuinely a horrible thing and I do not, under any circumstances, want anyone ever to go through anything remotely like it. We are human beings! We have compassion in our blood! Use it, for fuck’s sake! I do not want anyone to ever be hurt by anyone else that they know or love dearly. That is a thought I’d never wish on even my greatest enemy! So yes, it should be painted in a horrible, terrible light! It’s bad!

====

———

This episode was… It was a lot. I still get sad and depressed to this day whenever I watch it. What I watch Angel go through makes me sick. However, I’m glad that issues like these are being addressed and that people are talking about it. I don’t like it in the slightest, but that’s why it should be talked about more. We need to be able to help more people, and even though I can’t right now, I pray to God that someone out there is hopefully getting the help and love that they truly do deserve.

Thank you so so much for reading through that whole thing, I know it was a long one. I just have so many thoughts on episode 4. I’ve been working on this for almost an hour and a half now btw so I am very gladly going to end it here. Hope you show some love and respect to those close to you and I really do hope you keep the negative thoughts to yourself. Now go get yourself a drink of water, go eat a banana or a bowl of cheerios, text your loved ones and hug ur stuffed animal, and have a great day/night! Thank you.

#That was… That was a lot. Yeah. #Come harass me all you want idgaf #wordz #random shit #angel dust hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #has been hoe tell

[apersonwholikeslotus]

Crush

Notes: IndChu? In our spy au? more likely than you think!

part of the spy au by @the-heaminator <3

ao3 link here: or under cut if you want to stay on tumblr!

Ivan and Arthur sat through one of the monthly meetings where they had to come to HQ with everything they had observed the last months, it was also time to show the highlight reel of cute pictures of Eleanor. Though that was usually last on the agenda. It could be worse really, the weekly ones were by phone so they didn’t have to travel so far every week; their lives were hectic enough as is, who knew four kids could have so many after school and weekend activities. 

Yoa droned on about them finding time to check somewhere on the other side of town for some secret drop off location they thought Lukawitz might be using. All three seemed relieved when there was a knock on the door; Yoa telling whoever it was to come in. His secretary appeared rattling on about some paperwork that needed to be signed and then sent to another branch of government. The agency sat on a fine line, though technically they were under the UN, for international clearance reasons, they worked most closely with the UK government, most of their agents being based there. 

“Thank you.” Yoa looked over the paperwork, pretty routine things that just needed to be signed off on. Reports to the MI5 to make sure the agency wasn’t doing anything that could put Britain in the middle of anything too big. One overall report was written every six months, specific instances being investigated as needed. “I’ll take it to Devi myself” 

This made Ivan and Arthur both stop, Yoa was high up, higher than even either of them. He didn’t take such routine reports directly to people. They were people to do that for him, tons of them. There were only two reasons for Yoa hand delivering them; something bigger was going on, or there was someone he needed–or wanted–to talk to. 

“Why are you taking it?” Ivan voiced it before Arthur could, 

“Waste of time isn’t it?” Arthur choroused, honestly both of them just wanted to avoid going back to the conversation at hand. It was dull and could be an email just as easily. 

“No, not really, I don’t have much-” 

The door opened again, Erzsébet standing there as if she had been listening the whole time: “He wants to see a certain Mr. Neeraj Devi,” before Arthur and Ivan could ask who that was Erzsí filled in the blanks, “He’s like the MI5 counterpart of Yoa, just way more interesting and hotter.” she sat down in the last empty chair, “Yoa has got a crush on him” 

Yoa sighed, Ii’m almost fifty years old. I don't have crushes.” he looked at the pile of paperwork to be signed, “and don’t you have work to do, Dr. Héderváry?” 

“Oooo titles, am I in trouble?” Despite the feigned fear in her voice she didn’t leave the room, or even get up from the chair. If anything she made herself more comfortable. 

“Who is Neeraj Devi?” Arthur voiced again louder, now wanting to know more about the person that had taken the sights of the ever single Wang Yoa. 

Erzsébet opened her mouth but was cut off, by her now very annoyed boss. “He’s my counterpart at MI5, in charge of a department like ours. I enjoy talking to him so I take the papers personally” 

She covered her mouth blocking from Yoa mouthing to Ivan and Arthur “and he has a crush on him” 

“I saw that Erzsébet” he sighed, scribbling something onto the paper, “You can go now. I’ll send you the rest of the notes” 

“No no” Ivan leaned back in his chair, though everyone in the room winced a bit at the creak it made under his weight. “I want to hear more about him” 

“It’s nothing” Yoa sounded more defensive the more they asked. “Even if I was interested in him it’s not like we could” 

“You can actually.” Erzsébet had done a lot of research into the rules on dating people outside of the agency, sure she was breaking it anyway with Roderich but at least she knew which rules she was breaking. “If they work for a government institute that has general knowledge of the agency it’s allowed.” 

Yoa grumbled something as she continued on saying he was just being a coward who instead of asking him out was making excuses to do errands below his pay grade to see him. 

“And if you were to have a crush on him,” 

“Adults don’t have crushes” 

Arthur rolled his eyes heavily, “Fine, you were to have interest in him. How would you ask him out?” 

“This isn’t–”

“C’monnnnn” Erzsí whined, “Humor us” 

“I don’t know, probably just for a few drinks, maybe at the horse and guardsmen” Despite how casual he tried to make it sound this answer had clearly been thought about. Points towards Erzsébet’s insistence he had a crush. 

“See! All worked out,” she was out of her chair and half pulling Yoa out of his chair, “Now take him those reports, and ask him if he would like to go out tonight! That’s an order” 

He huffed, trying to ignore Ivan and Arthur both attempting to hold in their laughter at the situation; “I hold seniority” 

“Actually as of section 18, clause B since I have a doctorate if we’re in my area of expertise I hold seniority over all of you.” 

“Isn’t your degree in International relations?” 

“Political theory, International relations, human rights, and matchmaking” She said it very flatly as if she were completely serious about the last bit, Ivan snorted though thoroughly tickled by the joke. Arthur shook his head trying to comprehend how much schooling he remembered Erzsí telling him she had done, not to mention how she brushed it off even to the point of asking for people to call her Miss Erzsí over Dr. Héderváry (except for if she didn’t like you; then God help you if you don’t call her Dr. Héderváry). 

Yoa huffed, “I have to take him the reports either way…” he watched Erzsí who had now taken to pouting to get him to do what she wanted. “And i suppose I’ll ask if he wants to go out for a drink, as friends” he tacked on to the end though it clearly pleased her enough. 

He left his office with the reports, making them promise to not make a mess of his office before leaving; “Matchmaking?” Arthur inquired, 

“Best in the business,” she smirked looking at Ivan and Arthur “I came up with the arrangement for you two and that has worked out quite well”

#project: plain old vanilla #hws china #hws india #hws russia #hws england #hws hungary #aushun #indchu #ruseng #hetalia #apersonwhowrites

[lynzishell]

List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥

TYSM for this ask!!! 💖

Okay! Up next from last week’s poll is my MC: ✨Phoenix Realta✨

❄️He loves to cook… as you may have guessed considering he’s always the one cooking every meal.  But… a little background (and I’ll split this into two)… He grew up poor and his mom wasn’t big on cooking, so the times when his kitchen was stocked, it consisted of a lot of frozen and canned/boxed meals like soup, tuna, mac and cheese, and frozen pizza. His favorite thing growing up was peanut butter and banana on toast. He’d toast the bread so that the peanut butter would be all melty and gooey.

❄️He learned how to cook properly from Julian during the year he lived with him in Copperdale. It was the only real quality time they spent together, but they both really enjoyed it. When Phoenix moved to the city, he fell in love with the variety of food and restaurants available. He started collecting cookbooks and watching cooking shows to learn more and more complicated recipes. It can be difficult to cook for only 1-2 people, so it’s nice that Atlas and Asher come over for dinner every Sunday. (fun fact: all of these things are very important to the future of Aspen’s story btw)

❄️The man cannot sit still. He’s even worse than Dawn in that regard. He always needs to be doing something. He actually misses the days when he was training and climbing to prepare for the Mt. Komorebi excursion. It kept him busy and active all the time. After that was over, it was kind of a bittersweet moment, like he didn’t know what to do with himself. So, he got into running. Luckily, Aspen keeps him quite busy now, but he still runs every day, rain or shine.

❄️He is very much addicted to coffee and has been for years. He likes it strong and black. He can’t start his day without it, and he drinks multiple cups throughout the day, especially at work. At this point, he can barely function without it and gets really bad headaches if he goes a day without a cup.

❄️And, of course, he’s a new father! And he is soooo happy! Aspen is a lot of work, but like I said, Phoenix always needs to be up doing something, so he’s happy to be taking care of her. He’s just so grateful she’s finally here. 🥹 And honestly, he’s pretty bummed about having to go back to work sooner than expected. I think there’s a part of him that would’ve loved to be the one staying home with Aspen. Once Dawn mentioned wanting to stay home, I think a part of him wanted to say that he does too and maybe she should be the one to go back since she makes more money. Instead, he signed himself up for a more demanding, higher paying, career path, and cut his own time at home short, so that he could support Dawn in staying home with their daughter. It’s in his nature to put her first, and he genuinely wants to do whatever he can to make her happy, that’s his priority, but I don’t think we should ignore the immense sacrifice he's making. He doesn’t want to be away from Aspen or miss out on any big moments in her development any more than Dawn does, but he also doesn’t feel right about taking that away from her. My heart kinda aches for him a little, y’know.

I love him so much! And it’s been too long since I’ve gotten in his head and done a proper character development exercise for him, so I really enjoyed this! TYSM for sending me this ask!! 🫶🏻

#i'm so obsessed with this photo of him and aspen #you don't even know #slowly but surely making my way through these asks #if you've sent me one recently i promise i'll get to it #i really do love them sm! #ask game #oc ask game #aries outtakes #phoenix extras