#I’m 16 and if he went to my college I would literally fall in love with him don’t even | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cipherwrites · 5 months

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Sugar & Spice, Chapter 1: Luck & Misfortune

Next Chapter ->

Marinette Dupain-Cheng is a normal girl with a normal life! She’s clumsy, a romantic at heart, and she has a true passion for fashion design. The 16-year-old is moving into her second year of Lycee, but as this new school year begins, so too does chaos from an ancient magic unveiled, a responsibility to protect her city, and quite literally falling head-over-heels in love with the boy just one year elder that’s been kind to her…

That’s right. Both of them.

A few things you should know about this fic before we get into it:

-A personal pet peeve of mine is putting kids in dangerous situations! Even when it comes to magic, I would much prefer that adults held that kinda power. However, since a good deal of the series revolves around school drama, I’ve decided to put our main cast in Lycee and make them all young adults.

-According to my research (which could be wrong or outdated so please don’t judge me I am not from france), age of adulthood is 18 and full legal capacity comes at 16. I also found reference that the age of consent is 15, but that won’t really come into play in this fic.

-I will try to refer to French things as well as I can, such as “Lycee” instead of “High School.” For those that don’t know, Lycee is the three-year education system that comes after College (which isn’t University).

-Our main cast is in their second year of Lycee! Lycees are typically ages 15-18, so our main cast is ages 16-17 when the series begins. Specifically, Marinette and Adrien are 16, and Adrien will of course turn 17 during ‘Bubbler’

-I will be making new Miraculous lore! I will be both ignoring old lore and building off existing lore at intervals I deem appropriate.

-I’ll be changing a few Miraculous abilities, including giving them all a significant nerf/upgrade that comes from another fic series I wrote.

-I will also be changing character designs slightly, including costumes, but I have no talent in art so when I describe them simply use your imagination.

-I’ll be writing this like it’s a proper reboot, so I’ll be alluding to things that we all already know and pretend Hawkmoth’s identity is a secret until “Season 2”

-Felix and Adrien are sentimonsters. They are the only “human” sentimonsters that will be in this fic series. I have nothing against Sentimonster Kagami, but it’s just not for me in this story.

-On that note, this series will have Lukadrigaminette (gosh that’s hard to type)! Again, nothing against Feligami, but the story I’m building needs him to be a lonely boy for now.

With all of that said, please enjoy!

===

In the millennia before humans could even fathom recording their history, a powerful Mage made contact with an ephemeral being. The being was lonely, for it was everything that ever was and would ever be. It was all, yet it was nothing. A cosmic confusion that it could never understand. Its attempts to help humanity only brought fear and terror, and the being grew to loathe humans. However, the Mage pleaded with the eternal being that humanity just needed a new perspective. The cosmic nothing came to see reason, and split itself into two halves: Creation and Destruction. The embodiments of these concepts came to be bound by jewels the Mage forged, and he went onward to bind the aspects of humanity, the very concepts of the universe themselves, into these many jewels. In due time, these nineteen pieces of jewelry would be known as the Miraculous.

The first two Miraculous remained more powerful than the others: the Ladybug of Creation and the Black Cat of Destruction. The Ladybug could create anything and restore order and balance. The Black Cat could destroy anything and bring disorder to the world around it. The legend says that uniting these two will allow them to reconverge into the original Cosmic Nothing, and they will do as they always have: consider the wish of their wielder, and grant it in the only way they know how: destroy the very universe, and recreate it in a way where the wish is granted. The Cosmic Nothing cannot comprehend the horrors of its own actions, and so it was declared that these Miraculous could never be united…

---

“I want that wish, Nooroo.” a malicious man says in the shadows, three long months after a woman’s disappearance. The boy is kept calm and complacent by means he could never understand, but the man has no such freedom of ignorance. “I must have those Miraculous!”

“But Master, I was separated long ago!” the tiny purple kwami exclaims, “I don’t know where the Miraculous are anymore. No one does!”

“I found you though, my little Nooroo.” the man grins. “Your Miraculous…remind me of its powers again.”

“The Miraculous of the Butterfly allows you to swath someone in need in comforting shadow and give them the power to achieve victory with their inner potential.” Nooroo recites.

“Throughout history, the Miraculous have been used by those that have gone down in history as heroes. When it comes to luring in heroes, what could be better than creating villains?” the man suggests with glee.

“But…but you can’t! Master, the Miraculous cannot be used for evil purposes!” Nooroo warns in fear.

“I must have that cosmic wish!” the man orders, pointing at the helpless kwami. “Your Miraculous is in my control! I am your master, and you must obey me.”

“Yes…master.” Nooroo obeys sadly.

“Nooroo,” the man affixes the brooch to his attire, “Dark Wings Rise!” He orders, transforming through the power of the Miraculous. “From now on, I shall be known as…Hawkmoth.” he laughs maliciously.

---

“Marinette!” a voice calls, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng gasps awake to the sound of her alarm going off. “Your alarm’s been going off for fifteen minutes! You’re going to be late!”

“Oh, no, no, no!” the sixteen-year-old Marinette Dupain-Cheng panics. “Coming, Maman!” she calls down, swiftly changing clothes and getting everything together.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng is a petite girl with black hair that she dyes into a light shade of blue. She wears her hair in a pair of pigtails and a nice mix of colors in her homemade clothes, primarily her favorite color pink. However, the main thing people notice about Marinette is the bandages. Marinette is immensely clumsy, so she often wears a large number of bandages to cover the bruises and cuts she gets from merely existing day after day. Rushing to get her school bag together, she packs a box of bandaids with cute designs, because chances are she’s gonna have a new mark on her face by the end of the day.

As Marinette rushes out of her room, she takes one last look to make sure she isn’t forgetting anything, scanning her room in half a second. Marinette’s room is chaotic in some portions but also ridiculously organized in others. Marinette has several crafts projects beyond her personal clothing designs, plenty of empty binders and books for when she inevitably takes an extracurricular, and walls that have been bare of photos for four long years…well, that ends today! She’s gonna make friends, take pictures, and fill this room with life again!

Marinette barrels into her Family’s kitchen, practically running into the table to try and hurriedly stuff her face.

“Remember to chew, dear,” Sabine says calmly to her daughter. “And please sit down.”

Marinette mumbles a bit between her bites as she sits at the table, swallowing a handful of food at once. “Sorry, Maman.” she sighs. “I’m a little nervous, I gotta admit…Chloe’s probably gonna be in most of my classes again.”

“Four years in a row of this, is that even possible?” Sabine asks.

“You know me, the picture of luck!” Marinette chuckles nervously.

“Oh, don’t say that!” Sabine scolds, frowning at her daughter’s self-deprecation. “It’s the start of a new school year! Everything will be fine.”

As Marinette considers her Mother’s words, it’s as though on cue she drops the spoon in her hand, hitting another object and hitting many others like a Rube Goldberg machine of chaos and misfortune. Marinette just groans, tempted to just fall to the ground and let the earth take her. Before Marinette can spiral any further into her doubts, her Dad walks in, humming to himself as he places a Boulangerie Patisserie box full of macarons down in front of his beloved daughter. Marinette sees the treats in the box she has requested her Dad make for her new class, and her eyes light up in renewed triumph.

“Papa, these are so awesome!” Marinette hugs her Dad.

“Glad you like them,” Tom smiles warmly.

“My class will love them, Papa. You’re the best!” Marinette hugs him, and after Tom catches the dropped box and hands it to her, she kisses her parents on the cheek before rushing out. “See you tonight!” she calls back, aiming to get to school quickly.

Marinette rushes out of her home clutching the box of sweets as she slings her backpack onto her back. She manages to avoid tripping over herself as she reaches the intersection, but as she breathes a sigh of relief, her eyes widen as she sees a little old man crossing the street slowly, struggling with his cane…as a car is fast approaching! Everyone around her is on their phones- only she can see him! Gasping in fear, she rushes forward, using every ounce of strength in her tiny body to tackle the old man on the other side of the street! The two of them groan, and Marinette feels her heart fall as she sees her box dropped in front of her, the macarons spilling out and in pieces. Marinette just hangs her head as the old man gets up.

“Oh, my! Young lady, thank you…young lady?” he seems concerned, but she pulls herself together.

“Oh! No, it’s fine, it’s…” She watches helplessly as someone on their phone walks by, stepping on one of the dropped macarons. She just hangs her head, her gaze blurring with frustrated tears before she wipes them away. “It’s fine!” she wipes the tears away. “I’m no stranger to disaster. There are even a few left! I might be able to dust some dirt off of these ones…”

The old man picks up one of the broken pieces from the ground, dusting it off and trying it.

“Well, they still taste delicious to me.” the old man smiles kindly, and Marinette smiles.

“Thank you, sir.” Marinette shuts the box and suddenly, she hears the school bell in the distance! “Oh, no, I’m gonna be late! Ah, have a nice day sir! Be careful of traffic!” she shouts as she rushes off.

---

As the old man walks into an alleyway, he takes a deep breath and slumps against a wall.

“Reality,” he mutters, dispelling the illusion of the speeding car that has since pulled into an alleyway and the illusion around himself. “Trixx, Orikko, divide.” He says, the two kwamis emerging from the Miraculous.

“Master, this was incredibly dangerous!” the fox kwami warns.

“I have to agree! You shouldn’t be wielding a Miraculous at your age, much less unifying them!” the rooster agrees.

“It’s just for today.” the old man explains as he feeds the kwamis some macaron crumbs he picked up. “I need to be sure the people are worthy. I need the Fox to set up the situations, and the Rooster to give me the power of empathic reading. That way, I’ll be able to tell if those I choose are right.”

“Was she right, Master?” the Fox asks.

“I believe so, Trixx.” the old man smiles and slips on some glasses. “Now, for the final part before moving forward. Kaalki, Full Gallop!”

---

Barreling through the doors of Mme. Bustier’s classroom at top speed is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, barely able to catch herself as she stumbles into the room with what many classmates would refer to as “three left feet” with how fast and bumbling she is. Marinette can see many familiar faces and a few new ones.

Mme. Bustier was the primary teacher this year…again. Caline Bustier is a decent teacher, and through her own skills and the positive enforcement of her students and their families, she went from a Junior Secondary teacher to a Senior Secondary teacher in just a few years!

Maybe she advanced a bit too quickly, that quiet, rude corner of Marinette’s mind said.

I just need some faith. She wouldn’t have gotten the position if she didn’t deserve it! The rest of Marinette reasoned.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” a shrill voice says her name like it’s an accusation, interrupting her train of thought. Marinette takes a deep breath, having only just sat down.

Here we go again…

“That’s my seat.” Chloe Bourgeois herself, self-appointed Queen Bee of the school, almost universally despised, and daughter of Mayor Andre Bourgeois.

“Chloe, it’s the first day of school! Seats are being assigned right now, and you came in after me for once!” Marinette complains.

“Not anymore!” Sabrina proclaims. “New year, new seats!”

“You refuse to know your place, so I have to put you in your place.” Chloe grins, looming over the sitting and diminutive form of Marinette. “Why don’t you go sit by the new girl?” she gestures to the Creole girl a row away reading a comic book, whose attention has been caught by the situation. “Adrien’s arriving today, and since he’s going to sit there, I’m going to sit here.”

“Adrien…Agreste?” Marinette blinks. “But- the Agrestes are shut-ins!”

“Not anymore!” Chloe smirks. “Oh, does the little fashion wannabe actually wanna meet an Agreste?”

“I- you- but-” Marinette stammers as Chloe grins cruelly over her.

“Maybe if you finally put yourself in your proper place, I’ll consider letting you meet him. The only place you belong is-” Chloe begins, but suddenly, they’re interrupted.

“Hey! Who elected you Queen of Seats?” the Creole girl accuses, having stood up and coming up with her comic book rolled up.

“Oh, look, Sabrina! We’ve got a little do-gooder in our class this year.” Chloe chortles. “What, another superhero nerd? What are you gonna do, shoot beams at me with your glasses?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Alya scowls and leads Marinette by the hand, “Come on, you can sit with me and away from those two.”

As she leads Marinette, the shorter girl gasps as she trips, once more spilling her macarons until only one remains in the box.

“Sorry! Sorry. I’m sorry…” Marinette whimpers.

“Hey, it’s okay, girl!” Marinette’s new seat neighbor gathers the dropped sweets and tosses them into the trash. “No biggie.”

“I wish I could handle Chloe the way you do…” Marinette mutters.

“You mean the way Majestia does it,” the girl explains, rolling out the comic again. “She says that ‘all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing’.” She then points at Chloe. “Well, that girl over there is evil, and we are the good people. We can’t let her get away with it,” she explains like it’s a simple fact.

Chloe isn’t evil…she’s not perfect, but she’s not EVIL. I hope.

“Well, that’s easier said than done,” Marinette says instead. “She likes to make my life miserable…”

“That’s cause you let her, girl! Get some confidence!” the girl grins, and Marinette can’t help but smile at the sentiment.

“I’m Marinette,” Marinette says, handing Alya the last macaron.

“Alya.” the girl smiles, taking and eating it with a smile on her face.

“Alright, class, let’s get started!” Mme. Bustier smiles.

“Where is he…?” Marinette can barely hear Chloe mutter.

---

Adrien has just helped an old man from tripping and falling into the street, turning back with a sight to see the two people he knew would drag him away from the steps of Francoise Dupont Lycee. Nathalie Sanceour, archaeologist-turned-assistant, and Placide I.T., a gorilla-like American bodyguard that hardly understands a word of French, much less speak it.

“I just want to go to school like anyone else. What’s so wrong with that?” Adrien protests.

“Let’s go home, Adrien,” Nathalie says, and the Bodyguard opens the door of the car.

“... please don’t tell my Father about this,” Adrien mutters as he steps into the car.

---

The Butterfly Miraculous allows one to tap into truly empathic abilities, allowing one to read emotions and surface thoughts for many miles while in a meditative state. There is negativity all across the so-called “City of Love,” but it is one emotion picked up on. Anger, Sadness, Resentment, and Regret all together at once! A shy boy hiding his anger, pent up with rage with a want to express his love, but how could he ever?

“This is perfect.” Hawkmoth grins. He holds his cane up, and the head opens. A butterfly lands on it, and the head closes. Dark energy pulses through the head of the cane, corrupting the harmless butterfly into something more potent. “Burn a hole into his heart, my horrible akuma!” the head of the cane opens, and the cracking purple-black butterfly emerges, fluttering out of the window with a target in mind. “Fly now, and akumatize him!”

When the akuma closes in, he can feel the anger spike. Scorned by the Principal, who should be protecting these youths. The akuma finds its way into the object with the most emotional attachment: a crumpled-up piece of paper, a failed confession.

“Stoneheart, I am Hawkmoth.” Hawkmoth declares, his influence driven into the boy’s mind like a knife. Proclaiming his new name, so that he has no chance to deny that Stoneheart is his identity. “The world hurts, doesn’t it? I can give you the power to shut out all pain. However, in return, there is something you need to do for me…”

“Whatever it is, you’ve got a deal, Hawkmoth.” the weak-willed young man agrees, and the horrible shadow covers him, mutating him into something so much more.

“Make some noise, Stoneheart.” Hawkmoth orders. “Grab Paris’ attention.”

---

Marinette and Alya were in the library, when the ground suddenly shook. Marinette fell to the ground- not actually her fault, this time!- and plastered across every news screen was that of a monstrous golem-like creature tearing through the school.

“KIM!” the monster roars in anger, and Marinette can see the monster’s fist tighten around something in his hand.

Something…breaks.

“Ivan?” Marinette mutters, blinking in surprise.

“Hello? This is the police?” Damocles exclaims, talking on his phone as he rushes through the library, trying to hide. “Get me the army!”

“Whoa, a real-life supervillain!” Alya rushes to her bag, swiping through her phone. “GPS, synced. Battery, charged. I am so ready for this!” she starts to rush out the door…towards the danger?!

“Hey! Where are you going?!” Marinette exclaims.

“Supervillains mean Superheroes, and Paris hasn’t had either in years!” Alya grins. “There’s no way I’m missing this!”

Marinette sees the news on another student’s phone and just how…destructive this monster Ivan has become is. She winces, and she thinks hard.

My new friend has a death wish! I have to help her!

What can I even do? I’d just get in the way…or worse, my clumsiness could get her hurt!

I can’t just do NOTHING, can I?

There’s another boom from outside.

I should…leave this to the Police.

---

Adrien, ever-bored, waits patiently as he answers each of Nathalie’s questions easily. Suddenly, the door to Adrien’s room opens.

“Give us a moment, would you, Nathalie?” Gabriel Agreste himself requests, and Nathalie steps out. He then turns to Adrien, holding his hands behind his back. “You are not going to school. I already told you.”

“But, Father-” Adrien protests.

“Quiet.” Gabriel orders, and Adrien promptly shuts up. “Everything you need is right here where I can keep an eye on you. I will not have you outside in that dangerous world.”

It’s not dangerous, Adrien thinks to himself. Why can’t I just go to school like everyone else…?

Gabriel walks to the door, opening it for Nathalie. “Continue,” he orders, and Adrien walks to the door as he walks away, and Nathalie looks into the room.

“We can leave it there for today if you-” Nathalie begins, and Adrien promptly shuts the door in her face.

Adrien groans, laying on his bed. He hears thumping and…explosions? He rushes to the TV and turns it on, seeing a monster literally absorbing gunfire into its body, growing bigger!

---

“As incredible as it seems,” Nadja Chamack reports, “it’s been confirmed that Paris is indeed being attacked by a supervillain! The Police have been struggling to keep the situation under control.”

“First day back at school…and a supervillain attacks.” Marinette faceplants into her chaise. “This is a new low.”

Marinette looks up at the monitor, her eyes squinting as she sees a small box she doesn’t recognize next to it. “Huh…?”

---

Adrien stares at the screen in disbelief, then notices something on one of his darker shelves he hasn’t noticed until now…something that definitely wasn’t there before.

“What’s this doing here?” Adrien picks up the box with the intricate design and opens it up, and a bright glow emanates from within!

---

“AAGH!” Marinette falls back, seeing the creature that emerged from the box. “Help! Giant bug- mouse- bug-mouse!”

“Everything’s okay, don’t be scared!” the creature tries to comfort her.

“AAGH IT TALKS!” Marinette panics.

---

“I’m Plagg, nice to meetchya.” the creature grins in front of Adrien before promptly starting to destroy his room, looking at anything shiny and possibly edible.

“Hey, hold on-!” Adrien protests.

---

Marinette slams a jar over the creature.

“Okay, if that makes you feel safer, Marinette…” the creature says.

“What are you and how do you know my name?!” Marinette exclaims.

“I am a kwami, and my name is Tikki. Now, just let me explain-” she begins.

---

“-I grant powers,” Plagg explains simply from the grip of Adrien’s hands. “Yours is the power of destruction, got it?”

“Not even a little,” Adrien says honestly, prompting Plagg to roll his eyes.

“Good enough for me!” he phases out from the hands, causing Adrien to shudder as both his hands feel like they’ve fallen asleep. “You got anything to eat? I’m starving.”

“This can’t be real,” Adrien says, shaking his hands. “I’d assume someone was pranking me, but I’m the only one in this house with a sense of humor…”

“No one must know I exist!” Plagg suddenly gets in Adrien’s face.

---

“I’m your friend, please trust me! You’re the only one who can stop Stoneheart!” Tikki pleads, having phased out of the jar to stop Marinette from getting her parents.

“This has to be a mistake! The only superpower I could have is how abysmal I am at literally everything I do…I know!” Marinette looks up at the kwami. “Alya would know! That’s my friend! Well, I think she is…and I think she would…she loves superheroes, and knows way more than me about being a hero! You should totally go see her, instead!”

“Marinette, you were chosen!” Tikki insists.

---

“I’m a pretty crummy choice,” Adrien admits. “I’m stuck here! I’m not even allowed to go to school! What good is a superhero stuck in his own house?”

“No good at all.” Plagg grins mischievously. “That’s why that’s all going to change soon. If you’re willing to use my power to break the chains that keep you here.” Plagg lounges on the open box, gesturing to the black ring tantalizingly.

---

“Okay, break the object, capture the thing! What’s the…charm thing again?” Marinette asks.

“I can’t say it, but part of the transformation involves knowledge. You’ll know it when you transform!” Tikki explains. “It will create an object that will help you deal with one threat! Once the threat is neutralized, you can release the energy of the object back into the universe, restoring the balance and fixing any damage the threat has done!”

“This is going…very fast, Tikki, I…I can’t do this!” Marinette whimpers.

“Trust yourself, Marinette! You have the potential inside of you!” Tikki smiles. “The transformation phrase is ‘Spots On’.”

“Spots on?” Marinette questions, and her eyes widen as Tikki is drawn into the earrings, and the transformation curls across her body!

Her eyes become a deeper blue and segmented like compound eyes, her hair becomes longer, the ribbons curling off her back. A shoulder-length cape with a Ladybug pattern around her neck is worn, and beautiful reds and blacks make up the Ladybug pattern of her attire, including a yoyo at her waist! There is a pitch-black pattern on her suit that makes a pair of gloves, with the black going along the underside of her forearms, and her boots have a similar pattern.

---

“Plagg, Claws Out!” Adrien declares, more ready for this than anything else in his life.

“No, wait! I haven't finished explaining-!” Plagg shrieks as he’s pulled into the ring, and Adrien transforms.

Adrien’s heroic form is fashionable leather, catlike eyes, and his hair has become wild and longer. A tail-like belt and a golden bell completes the look, and his clawed gloves are a wonderful touch, and he grins with a toothy, somewhat fanged grin. At his waist sports a collapsible staff that can become as compact as a palm-sized disc.

“This is gonna be so cool!” Adrien laughs excitedly.

---

Marinette looks down at her hands, gazing at her transformed visage.

I feel…weird. Out of my element.

“Tikki, can I get my old clothes back? Tikki…? You there…?” Marinette mutters to herself, and she feels the earth shake again, and she looks at the monitor worriedly.

“The monster, which calls itself ‘Stoneheart’, is heading toward the Montparnasse tower! The monster seems to be unstoppable!” Nadja reports.

Marinette sees Alya rushing toward the scene from the news feed, and her eyes widen in fear for the safety of her only friend.

I have to help her, no matter how weird this magic stuff feels!

“Marinette!” Sabine calls from downstairs, and Marinette’s eyes widen in fear. Tikki was very clear about keeping her identity a secret. “Marinette, sweetie, are you home? Are you okay?!”

Marinette knows that if she responds, she’d have to confront her Mere, and they’d want her to hide with her and Papa. Climbing up to her balcony quickly and silently, she feels guilt spike into her as she hears her Mere worried about the lack of her daughter in the house.

Okay, I have powers or something! And a magic yoyo.

Marinette feels the magic of the suit gives her the instincts to use the yoyo to swing. Her reflexes have been improved, but her hand-eye coordination is still pretty bad. The powers seem to enhance her existing abilities, not replace them.

The wind in my face, this new strength, I feel better than ever!

I still feel a bit weird.

…no, not weird. I feel powerful.

---

Adrien can’t help but laugh and whoop as he launches himself throughout the city he’s never had a chance to see! Every building, a new opportunity at vaulting himself onward! Adrien was already pretty skilled and physically fit, but the Miraculous has increased all of that tenfold (well, maybe not tenfold, but it still feels great!)!

He’s walking across a gap between two buildings using his staff at a tightrope- his model poise and the Black Cat’s instincts making it practically impossible for him to fall- when he hears a shriek from above. Looking up, he sees a blur of red slam into him, yoyo strings tying them together as they hang upside-down.

“Well, hey there.” Adrien smiles, happy that he was able to find his apparent partner so easily. “Nice of you to drop in!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” the blue-eyed bug girl proclaims nervously. “I didn’t mean to- this wasn’t on purpose!” she stammers slightly, and in a few moments, the two of them are able to free themselves and reclaim their weapons.

“So, you’re the partner my kwami told me about?” Adrien asks, and the girl nervously nods. “Well, you can call me…” Adrien taps his chin, grinning. He’d been thinking about this all the while he was vaulting across Paris. Something short and sweet, rolls off the tongue, but makes sense and tells people everything they need to know about him. “Chat Noir. Yeah, Chat Noir!” the new hero grins. “And you?”

“I’m Ma- er, uh-” the girl scrambles with her yoyo wildly, and winds up tossing it up and it hits her on the head before she catches it. “...Madly clumsy. I am so clumsy.”

“No sweat, Clumsybug!” Chat Noir sidles up to her, putting his arm around his maybe-sidekick’s shoulder. “I’m still learning the ropes, too!”

The ground shakes again- another indicator of the Stoneheart fight! Chat Noir grins and starts sprinting towards the fight, seeing where the dust is kicked up!

“H-hey! Where are you going?!” Clumsybug exclaims.

“To save Paris!” Chat laughs heartily as he takes his staff, vaulting upward once more!

---

The students of Lycee Francoise Dupont have the unique privilege of using the Parc des Princes as their school’s P.E. grounds. The students are packing up early, unaware the mysterious quakes are anything more than just that…until the monstrous and massive form of Stoneheart bursts through the entrance and walls!

“KIM!” Stoneheart roars, looming over the student. “Who’s the wuss now?” he is about to slam his fist down upon Kim, who’s tripped over, but suddenly a black blur gets Kim out of the way before brandishing his staff as though it were a blade, pointing it at Stoneheart!

“Hey, maybe you should pick on someone your own size!” the wielder of the Black Cat proclaims.

“Just as expected,” Hawkmoth smirks, looking through his Akuma’s eyes. “The Miraculous of the Ladybug and the Black Cat have been activated! Here they come to save the day, only to be destroyed by my machinations.”

---

“Where are you, partner?” Chat mutters as he is thrown back by an even bigger Stoneheart- every hit of his staff makes the villain grow! Chat tries to throw one of the football nets at Stoneheart, hoping to tangle him and render him immobile, but instead, Stoneheart just throws it away- and is about to hit a girl recording everything! Chat Noir is able to save her, but she pays no mind to him, looking up at Clumsybug, who seems to be frozen with fear from atop the stadium’s bowl.

“What are you waiting for, Super Redbug? The world is watching you!” the recorder eggs on.

---

I can’t do this. I’m not a superhero! Look at the size of that thing! How can I fight that?

Marinette can hear Alya, and she sees Chat Noir fighting alone, against all odds.

He’s fighting. I could try and be like him.

What if I get in his way? What if I tie us together again? What if I-

What if nothing, I can’t just stand by and do nothing!

Marinette resolves herself, leaping down and brandishing her yoyo.

Never again.

She throws her yoyo forward, doing the best thing she can- let it go wild! It ties around Stoneheart’s torso, and she yanks, pulling herself towards him! She lands on his head and kicks off, snapping her fingers to make the yoyo’s strings loosen, allowing her to pull it back to her side, pulling the string together like a mechanical tape measure’s retraction.

“Animal cruelty, Stoneheart? How shameful.” Marinette quips, trying to emulate Chat Noir’s boldness. “Sorry it took so long, Chat Noir.”

“It’s cool, Wonderbug.” Chat Noir says, coming to her side. “Let’s kick his rocky rear!”

“We can’t just rush in brazenly when our attacks will only make him bigger and stronger!” Marinette reasons. “We have to do something different…”

“Alright, I’ll bite. Different how?” Chat Noir asks.

“I…don’t know.” Marinette hangs her head.

“Well, I do. What do you say we test out our powers?” Chat Noir smiles, and Marinette nods a little bit.

“Cataclysm!” Chat Noir holds his hand forward, but…nothing happens. “Huh, what the heck?”

“Tikki said they use our weapons. Like, mine is the Lucky Charm-” Marinette says, holding her yoyo in her hand, and the yoyo glows and thrums with power! She shrieks a little as the light pours out of it, conjuring a spandex suit that resembles her own. “Ugh…” she falls back from the disorientation. “I should probably throw that away from me whenever I do that from now on…”

“Oh! So it’d be like this…?” Chat Noir compacts his staff into a palm-sized disc, palming it into his ring hand. “Cataclysm!” he declares again, and this time, the dark power thrums through his hand and the disc! “Alright! Apparently, I destroy whatever I though. What’s yours do?”

“It’s supposed to help us win, somehow. We only have 5 minutes now until we turn back…” Marinette mumbles.

“Ah…probably should have listened to my kwami.” Chat Noir chuckles. “Any other tips?” he asks, leaning against a goal that starts to disintegrate.

“...our powers are only single use,” Marinette says softly, and Chat Noir looks back at the destroyed goal.

“...oops.” Chat Noir says, embarrassed.

They hear a roar from Stoneheart, who is starting to charge towards them!

“His right hand is always closed…it must be where that whatchamacallit is hiding, the…the akuma!” Marinette reasons.

“So, uh, what’s the plan?” Chat Noir asks nervously, seeing the monstrous villain charging.

“The plan, it’s…it’s…” Marinette looks around wildly, soon locating precisely what she needs. “I’ve got it!” she swiftly ties a nearby hose to the suit, then ties Chat Noir with her yoyo. “Okay, uh, don’t resist, I need you to trust me.”

“Oh god, she’s crazy.” Chat Noir says as she picks him up! “How are you so strong?!” he exclaims,

“Why are you so light?!” Marinette exclaims, genuinely thinking she was gonna have a harder time with his plan (and honestly a little concerned with how little he weighs). Regardless, she throws him like a shotput.

The plan goes pretty well. Chat Noir is captured, then so is Ladybug, then the Lucky Charm’s use goes well and they’re able to destroy the object!

“Wow…that was awesome.” Chat Noir declares, laughing as he lies in the grass, looking at the sky. “She’s awesome.”

“What’s going on? Why am I here?” Ivan exclaims, worried, and Marinette’s heart bleeds. He doesn’t even remember what happened to him.

“Well, you did it Super…Clumsy…Bug Lady.” Chat Noir laughs, still clearly unsure of what to call her. “You were great!”

“We got there in the end, didn’t we?” Marinette smiles and holds up her fist. “Partner.”

The look of elation on Chat Noir’s face was perhaps the purest joy Marinette had ever seen.

“Pound it!” Chat Noir says as they fist bump, and Marinette laughs.

“What was that?” she smiles.

“What? It’s fun!” he grins goofily, and notices his beeping ring. “Ah, we should probably get going.”

“Right! Identities gotta be secret.” Marinette nods.

“Farewell, M’lady bug!” Chat Noir winks with one last nickname and vaults away on his staff. “Let’s do this again soon, okay?”

Not too soon, I hope… Marinette thinks to herself as the adrenaline starts to wear off. She walks over to look at the paper the object was in, and she reads it, and she frowns as she realizes what Kim has done.

What he always does, with those twisted attempts at jokes.

“There’s no shame in telling someone you love them,” Marinette says to Ivan, and he looks away, ashamed as the paramedics come in to try and get the scope of the situation.

“Uncanny, amazing, spectacular!” Alya suddenly interrupts. “Are you gonna be protecting Paris from now on? How did you get your powers? Did you get stung by a radioactive Ladybug? Oh, I've got a ton of questions to ask you, uh, miss... uhh…” She trails off, as though trying to decide which of Chat Noir’s many names could be her moniker.

And honestly, while it was a bit plain and simple, Marinette liked his last one the most.

“Ladybug. You can call me Ladybug.” She smiles wide.

“Ladybug! Super awesome!” Alya exclaims, recording the scene as ‘Ladybug’ swings away.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous au #fanfiction #my fic #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #ladybug and chat noir #i'm posting these here now #since I can change colors here on tumblr #Sugar & Spice AU #ml fanfic #mlb fanfic

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the-phsycopath-blog · 2 years

Text

irrational pregnancy mind?

Maybe. Feeling crazy lately, love my partner more than anything yet don’t have the energy to show it. Have a great life yet nothings feeling great. feel like a terrible mum but logically I know I’m a great one.

Spinning too many plates? Perhaps. Mum to a toddler, step mum to a toddler, pregnant, house keeper, full time worker and a wife. Too much? Perhaps. To drop which one? The work but need the money. Egh the limbo of adult life.

Disappearing seems like a good option at this point. Crazy. Not death just off grid. The family and nothing else to worry about, I can see why so many people loose their minds. Which I could afford to loose mine but so many depend on me.

you know I’m 23 n I’m privileged. I’m healthy, safe and warm. Always have been but I carry a lot of stuff from the past that I’ve just never gotten off my chest.

as a teenagers I was forgotten about by my family because my brother was the problem child. i medicated myself for mental health issues at 13 after an attempt at taking my own life.

I was bullied from 10yrs old until I just cut everyone off at 17 for being small, non academic, flat, spotty, chavy, posh. You name it, I was bullied for it.

dressed my half naked dying mum at the age of 9 years old because she was internally bleeding to death. Then had to wait in a house with just my brother alone for my dad whilst she was taken to hospital in an ambulance.

visited my dad in hospital which felt like forever because he nearly died of meningitis at age 7, told my doctors that he wouldn’t make it.

after countless silly teenage relationships with boys where I was made out to be a slag (forced into sexy al activities through peer pressure, never had sex despite them saying I had) I found my self in a relationship at 15 with a drug addict three years older who beat me up repeatedly and rapped me. He then cheated on me in front of me.

16 a moved in with my mum and spent a year indoors because My anxiety was so bad I thought I would die if I left the house.

17 went to a college for kids with issues, met a boy who posted some nudes he’d taken of me whilst I was asleep at a party on the internet.

18 went to college properly and became addicted to MDMA and binge drinking. Had an overdose.

19 rekindled love with the love of my life form my childhood but was a recovering addict and had a serious alcohol problem

left my love of my life because I need to sort myself out but instead went on a self destruction gap year in which I got heavily intoxicated and raped once and drunk pressured into sex twice.

met the bio father of my daughter, raised his child for two years whilst he cheated on me, before falling pregnant with my daughter whilst on contraception.

Spent the following year creating a home, raising a child that wasn’t mind and growing my child and planning a wedding all whilst being emotionally abused daily, raped nightly And watched through cameras in the house.

fell pregnant in the February after having my daughter and miscarriaged at 3 months pregnant on my own whisky looking after my daughter because he was somewhere doing someone.

when baby was 8 months old got told ‘I don’t want to marry you anymore’ whilst lay in bed one night and two days later moved 80miles away with a baby into my little brothers room and had to start fresh with literally nothing but clothes and a phone.

now I’m here

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lottiebagleywritesobx · 3 years

Text

Girls like you

THE POOL

JJ Maybank wasn't really sure why the Y/L/N family had hired him to clean out their pool when summer started. They seemed to like him around the hotel when they went for meals but he wasn't exactly qualified, he wasn't complaining though, they tip well and it couldn't be that hard.

His only problem was Y/N.

They never got on well. She was friends with Kie in her kook year, who even went as far as to dub her 'the only kook who doesn't make me want to gauge my eyes out', so she knew the pogues from around although they'd grown apart the girls shared no bad blood and always stopped to catch up when they saw each other around.

He was in the middle of raking the leaves from the large pool when he saw her. She was crossing the garden from the large mansion, clad in a bikini with sunglasses perched on the end of her nose. JJ hates how good she looks, her curves perfectly on display and a confident aura around her.

She's got headphones in, he notices as she saunters closer.

"Hi princess," He smirks, watching as she rolls her eyes

"I'm not your princess. How long are you gonna be?" She questions, settling onto one of the sun loungers next to the pool

"An hour or so," JJ states

"Well, could you do it quietly I'm hungover and I wanna just relax," She states, slipping the second headphone back into her ear before he can reply.

He cleans, unaware of her watching him from behind the glasses as she sips on her bottle of cold water. She would never tell anyone but watching him work, his muscles tensing and untensing under his vest shirt, a light sweat from the hot summer day on his skin, she couldn't help herself from thinking he looked good.

He would definitely admit to John B that he thought she looked fit. Her breasts spilling out of her bikini top a little and the barely there thong bottom's high cut making her legs look excruciatingly long. He'd probably make some crude jokes about hate sex being way more fun. He wouldn't admit though, to finding something very comforting about her presence, and finding the way she hummed along to whatever she was listening too adorable.

It's a further 40 minutes, JJ is trying to work out how to get the pool vaccuum to turn on, when her phone rings loudly.

"Hey Sare," Her voice speaks. JJ figures quickly it's Sarah Cameron, the pair are practically inseparable and the whole island knows it.

He half listens to her side of the conversation, more out of boredom than interest.

"No, babes, I love you and all but I really don't wanna. The last million times I've seen Rafe he's been so weird and creepy and I don't wanna be alone with him,"

JJ doesn't know why the comment angers him so much. Why does he even care if Rafe is clearly trying to pull her? It's none of his business. Yet, he can feel his blood boiling at the thought.

"No Sar, if I go and you have to stay with me then you can't go and be with Topper,"

She's silent for a few minutes before sighing "Fine. Fine, I'll come. See you in a minute. Bring me some shorts, I'm in the garden and can't be arsed to go upstairs and find some. You owe me forever,"

JJ wants to scream. Wants to tell her she shouldn't go if she feels uncomfortable around Kelce. He wishes Kie were here, maybe she could talk her into staying where she felt safe. Maybe she would be able to explain why JJ even gives a shit.

"Maybank," She states, he looks up, trying to act like he hasn't been listening. "I'm going out. You'll be the only one here," She informs

"Okay," He nods.

"My keys are on the kitchen counter, lock up when you're done and I'll just grab them from you at the hotel,"

"All right," He agrees

"When will you be there?" She questions, looking at him like he's an idiot. He groans internally, obviously she needed to know that.

"Tomorrow, 2 until closing,"

'"I'll swing by around 4," She informs. He nods, trying not to stare at her as she lets her hair down from the ponytail it had been in, shaking it out. A car honks outside and she turns, walking up the garden towards the side gates, turning a few metres away,

"Oh, there's an envelope on the kitchen counter with your tip in," She adds

"Thanks. Goodbye princess," He smiles,

"Still not your princess," she shouts back, turning and disappearing round the corner.

THE CAR

JJ felt a lot more in his element when her dad had called him asking if he could fix her car. He hadn't specified it was his eldest daughters, and JJ knew the family owned 7 cards despite only 3 of them even being able to drive.

JJ recognised it though, a white convertible porsche, he'd seen her driving it around before. Wether she was blasting music with the roof down singing with Sarah, picking up a take out from the wreck, driving around in the middle of the night, she'd even given Kie a lift to the Chateau before. He realised that he always seemed to notice her presence.

He was working in the family's garage, the bonnet popped open and grease all over him. It was an easy fix, if a little fiddly.

He jumped out of his skin when the door burst open. He is immediately taken aback by how good she looks. Clad in a tight black skirt that is ridiculously short, heels and a tight black V neck top with a lace trim around the neck. Her hair falls in bouncy curls around her shoulders and her makeup looks perfect. He would have sworn on everything he'd never seen anyone look so beautiful.

"You're a boy," The girl states.

"Good job noticing that one princess," JJ smirks, she rolls her eyes.

"I have a date and Sarah is being so unhelpful, can you help me pick a top?" She questions, he gulps, nodding.

"Okay, so this is option 1,"

"It looks good,"

"Right. But is it sexy? Do you look at me and think I wanna slam her against a wall and rail her?"

His eyes widen a little, that's one way of putting it he decides.

"Look, I'm your families help, I shouldn't be answering that,"

"Like I care Maybank," She groans, exasperated.

"Okay fine, I look at you in that and I think I wanna rip your clothes off,"

"Okay good. Option 2," She starts. JJ is shocked when she pulls her top off in front of him, without even turning around. He turns around, although not without taking a mental picture of her boobs being pushed up in a red lace bra. "Who knew you were a prude?"

"Just respecting you princess," He comments

"You've seen me in a bikini, what's the difference?" She questions, he stays silent having no quick comment to respond with. "I'm dressed," She states

He turns back around, she looks good, a forest green top made of satin.

"The first one is sexy, that one is cute,"

"Thanks JJ, oh, and hey, thanks for fixing my car,"

"Uh. Yeah, anytime,"

THE SUMMER HOUSE

JJ was happy to paint the summer house. He claimed to his friends it was just because they way over paid and tipped big. In reality it was because for three days straight he would get to catch glimpses of her. And he did.

He saw her when she swam in her pool.

He saw her when she played in the garden with her little sister.

He saw her when she cloud gazed with Sarah Cameron.

The best times he got to see her though, were when she would bring him stuff. Every so often she'd knock on the open door to the summer house, sometimes with water, sometimes with snacks, a few times even with a beer. A couple of times she stopped and made small talk, one time she even smeared paint on his cheek and giggled as he chased her through the garden.

He enters the kitchen, used to how the family worked now. An envelope of money waiting on the kitchen counter, they always seemed to be coming and going so it was easier.

He was shocked to see her in the kitchen, she's scrolling on her phone sipping on what looks to be an iced coffee

"Oh, hey JJ," She smiles

"Hey, I'm done," he informs, she nods, watching as he picks up the envelope "So, I'll be seeing you around,"

"Did you want a lift?" She questions, he looks at her slightly confused "I just noticed your bike wasn't here and it's kinda late to be walking back. It's a long walk,"

"You really don't have to princess,"

"Honestly, it's fine," she assures, jumping up and grabbing her keys before heading towards the garage.

She wasn't sure when she stopped hating JJ Maybank, wasn't sure when she started noticing little things like the blue in his eyes and which snapback he was wearing and how tired he looked. She wasn't sure when the sight of his bike in the driveway started giving her butterflies.

"So where is your bike?" She questions, the roof of the car is down and the wind blowing through her hair as she pulls out of the private estate her home is on.

"Didn't have enough fuel to get to yours and back," He shrugs

"Why didn't you just-" She cuts herself off "Shit, I'm so sorry. That was insanely rude, I wasn't even thinking and-" He chuckles, watching as she splutters and blushes

"It's okay. Life is different on the cut I can understand how a kook princess wouldn't get it," He shrugs, she nods, still not sure what to say.

"Y'know my life isn't perfect," She comments, he scoffs, unable to help himself. "I'm not kidding. It's privileged as fuck, I know that, but it's not perfect,"

"Go on then princess, what's so shit?" He doesn't mean for it to sound so harsh, he's genuinely curious

"My parents, they have basically planned my entire life, down to where I'll go to college, what sorority I'll be in, where I'll work my summer internship, who I'll marry, where I'll get married, which big kook house I'll live in, at what age I'll have to give up my career, which has been decided for me by them, to start trying for babies. It's 24 by the way so in 8 years. My whole life is decided and I don't want it. I wanna go on a trip around the world and surf and travel and explore. I wanna fall in love and get my heartbroken again and again until I find the right guy. I wanna live in a New York apartment and I wanna see the world. I don't wanna marry Rafe Cameron just cause our mothers are friends. I mean he's literally scary and harasses me and acts like even though I'm 16 I shouldn't have a choice cause one day he'll father my kids. And no one gets it, none of my friends, not even my best friend. The only person who ever understood why it was so shit was Kie and then she left, she left and lives her life and it's fun and exciting and anything could happen. I don't hate her for it but it fucking sucks that she left me miserable. I'll be miserable living my planned out life and then I'll die. Yeah, I have money and that's fucking great, but my life is far from perfect,"

JJ sits in a stunned silence. He's not really sure what to say. Their problems were very different but hers were just as shitty. He feels like he's seeing her in a whole new light.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I don't tell people that and we barely no each other," She mutters, not wanting to look at him

"Where would you go first?" His question surprised her

"On my fictitious surf trip?" She questions, he nods "Europe, Spain I think,"

They sit in silence the rest of the way, it's not awkward though, both of them feel comforted by each other presence. He gives her instructions to the chateau.

"We are probably gonna drink some beers and smoke. You wanna stay? You could crash here and drive home in the morning," JJ offers

"I can't. My family are having dinner at the hotel. Thanks though," She smiles gently

"Yeah. Uh, I hope it's not too shit. Thanks for the ride princess,"

He climbs out of the car, his friends who sit on the porch immediately calling out to him, they're all laughing and teasing him about his lift home and when he looks back he almost thinks he sees a look of longing in her eyes before she's reversing out of the chateau.

THE BOAT

"Can you fix it?" She questions. JJ Maybank has never seen her look nervous before.

It was only 6:30 AM when she'd started banging on the door to the Chateau, tears in her eyes and panic on her face hoping JJ would be here. John B had pulled the door open, half asleep and groaning a little at the bright sunlight. He'd let her into the small home and disappeared to wake JJ up. John B opted not to put too much thought into the way the minute her name was said JJ leaped out of bed and shoved into the living area, the way his hands cupped her cheeks to see if she was okay, the way he was calling her princess as he tried to calm down her hiccuping tears.

"I can fix it," He confirms. They're standing on the deck of her families boat "It's an easy fix princess, okay? don't even worry," He speaks in a comforting tone

"Thank you JJ,"

"No worries. It'll take me a while, you got anywhere to be?"

"No. Well yes, a breakfast thing with the Cameron's but it's at my house and I can't exactly show up without the boat so,"

"So you're hiding out here all day?" JJ questions

"Well, I don't wanna intrude. I can go and hang out at the beach,"

"Don't talk nonsense, you can hang here. C'mon, I need to be down the bottom with the engine, you can sit and entertain me,"

She watches intently as he works, now that he's not working at her house he hasn't bothered with a shirt, instead just wearing shorts and his infamous red baseball cap. He glances at her occasionally, her makeup streaky from crying and wearing a short white dress.

"So, wanna tell me what happened?" He questions

"Not really," She admits, he nods and she sighs before beginning to explain"Rafe wanted to go boating late and then it all went wrong and then we got the boat to the nearest dock, hence why we are in the middle of nowhere, and he said he was going to call someone to get a lift and it was rainy so I was waiting in here. It had been a while so I went outside to check on him and he was gone. I didn't know what to do. Dad would kill me for breaking the boat, do I just kinda figured I'd walk to yours and hopefully you would no how to fix it. Then I realised I have no clue where you live so I walked to John B's and hoped for the best,"

"He just left you in the middle of nowhere alone?" JJ doesn't know why he's so mad, they were hardly even friends

"Yeah. He texted me to let me know it was cause he's already in shit with his dad and didn't wanna go down for breaking my family's boat," She shrugs, JJ wants to go and find Rafe Cameron and beat his skull in.

"Look, a girl like you deserves someone who would treat them a million times better than that,"

"I always thought you hated me," She admits

"So did I, until this summer I kinda did," He shrugs

"What changed?" She asks, the question is so vulnerable he can't help himself from looking at her

"You aren't what I thought you'd be," He admits, she nods slowly

"How should a girl like me be treated?" She questions

"Like they're the only thing on earth," He's not really sure why he's so openly telling her how he feels but it feels too late now

"Is that how you'd treat me Maybank?"

"Girls like you don't date boys like me," He shrugs, turning quickly back to what he's doing, not wanting her to recognise the disappointment on his face.

THE PARTY

It was no secret her family hosted a big formal party on the 10th of July every year, her parents wedding anniversary. JJ had waited the party the last 2 years and this summer was no different, he'd even managed to get John B and Pope a job too.

His heart had stopped when he saw her, her dress was the exact shade of blue as the sky and flowed beautifully down to her feet, her hair curled with the front pinned back, her makeup beautiful. She looked like an angel approaching him and god why did she have to look so perfect.

"Hey JJ," She smiles, grabbing a glass of champagne from the tray he's holding "Could you do me a favour?"

"Of course," He agrees, expecting some job that needed doing for the party

"If you see Rafe and I'm on my own..." She trails off "I'm trying to avoid him, after the other day,"

It's three hours into the party when JJ grabs her hand, pulling her along behind him and away from Rafe who is clearly trying to catch her alone. He pulls her into a small cupboard slamming the door closed behind him and locking it.

"What was that about?"

"Rafe," He shrugs, he didn't outwardly say he'd been watching her all night to make sure he could look out for her. He also didn't say he would have been watching her all night even if she hadn't asked him too.

"JJ, you know how your coming over next week to fix that one door that you can't open from inside the cupboard?" She question

"Yeah," He states, peering out of the key hole to see if Rafe is still looking for her

"Well, this is the cupboard,"

"Shit!" He shouts, pulling away from the door to face her. "Shit, it's your parents wedding anniversary and I got you locked in the cupboard,"

"It's alright," She shrugs "They hate each other most the time anyway,"

"Call someone to let you out,"

"Where on this dress did you think there was pockets, you call someone,"

"My phone is in the twinkie,"

"The what?"

"John B's car," JJ sighs. "Fuck princess, I'm so sorry," He groans

"It's fine. Sarah will come looking for me eventually," She shrugs. He nods, watching as she sits down on the ground, patting the space next to her.

He obliges, sitting next to her, knees touching in the tight space.

"You look nice tonight, I like the shirt and tie," She compliments, he can feel himself blush and is glad the cupboard is dark enough she probably can't see it.

"Y'know what you said on the boat the other day?" She questions, he immediately knows what she's referring too "About how girls like me don't date boys like you,"

"Yeah," He confirms

"Why is that?" She questions quietly

"I couldn't make you happy princess. Your parents would hate me. I couldn't take you on the fancy dates you're used to. You wouldn't be happy,"

"My parents love you, they think you're resourceful and hard working. I hate the stuffy dates figure 8 boys take me on," She informs, he laughs a little at that. "Besides, you already make me happy. I'm just saying Maybank, if you don't wanna date me just say it, don't try and put it on me,"

JJ isn't really sure how to react. How to explain he desperately wanted to date her, wanted her to be his girl and wanted to shower her in love and adoration. He isn't sure how to tell her that by inadvertently telling him she wanted to date him she had made him the happiest man on earth. He's not really great with words and it all feels too hard to say.

So, instead, he turns slightly, taking her face in his hands and pulling her to him, his lips crashing against hers and somehow she knows everything he wanted to say.

#jj maybank x reader #jj #jj maybank #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x kook!reader #obx fic

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moonctzeny · 4 years

Text

Baby

au+trope+prompt game: college!au Jaehyun + fake dating + it’s just so hard not to fall in love with you

pairing: jung jaehyun x fem!reader x asshole!yuta

other members as background characters: yuta, mark, johnny, jungwoo

genre: angst, smut

word count: 9,124

warnings: abusive relationship, toxic behaviour

summary: “When Yuta breaks your heart for the millionth time, you meet Jaehyun, freshly broken up and looking for revenge. You decide to start fake dating to get back on your exes, but your plan takes an unexpected turn. You fall in love.”

a/n: I really don’t like putting yuta in a negative light like that it’s just for the fic’s sake! also I literally used the name Naeun as Jaehyun’s ex because I think it’s SUCH a pretty name, NO correlation whatsoever to any korean celebrity named naeun!

_____________________________________

You knew it was wrong.

Looking through your boyfriend’s, Yuta’s, phone while he took a shower, was the arguably the tackiest thing you have ever done.

He was always distant lately, only seeming to make time for a booty call, and at first, you blamed your hectic schedule. Your major was demanding, to say the least, so when Yuta suggested that you replace your dates with some “quality time” at his dorm, you had no objections. You didn’t know that he also meant ignoring your calls, canceling on you at the last minute to meet up with his frat brothers, and keeping your relationship strictly between four walls and two naked bodies.

The thought of him meaning more to you than you meant for him ate you away. It creeped in your mind while you heard the water running from your shower, and lead your fingertips to tap in the password of his phone.

Opening his messaging app, you recognize his best friends’ icons in a group chat consisting of his frat members. You scrolled up, ignoring the latest massages regarding a party that the frat would be throwing in two weeks. You started to feel guilty, not exactly sure what you were looking for, when you saw your name at the screen.

m0rklee[00:10]: @yutassanhyung, i saw your girl today at the supermarket! why didn’t you tell her about the party next Sunday?

you[00:12]: what girl lol

m0rklee[00:13]: y/n?? i thought you guys were together?

you[00:12]: nahh

fairyteil[00:15]: eyy @yutassan if you’re done with her i know a couple guys who wanna hit it too

you[00:16]: be my guest haha

you[00:16]: don’t get me wrong she was bad when we met but shit is getting kinda stale

tenoutoften[00:17]: aren’t you on your way to her place lol

you[00:17]: hey hey pussy is pussy

Was that all you were to him? Pussy?

Yuta called you special, he called you yours. He didn’t like it when you were talking to other guys. He ripped your lingerie set because he didn’t want anyone else to ever see you in it but him. And then he dared to go around and call you a fling?

You heard the water stop running and knew you didn’t have much time until you had to face him, the thought alone making you sick.

You didn’t bother to lock his phone again, leaving the chat that made you so upset open. Grabbing your keys and a jacket, you left your place and hoped that Yuta would get the message and get the fuck out of there before you came back.

Your legs walked on their own accord, your memory leading you to the only place where you knew you’d find any sort of comfort. When Johnny opened his door, tears were already streaming down your face. He took the open tequila bottle you were holding and pulled you in for a hug. He smelled like weed and beer, and after hearing the “Is that the pizzas?”, you realized that your best friend wasn’t alone.

You quickly wiped your cheeks and fixed your sex hair that Yuta messed up, trying your best to look presentable. Johnny put a hand on your back and lead you to his living room. Jungwoo, your and Johnny’s friend from high school, was sprawled out on the couch, a little disappointed after seeing that you were, in fact, not the pizzas. Next to him, drowning in a bean bag, was Jaehyun. You didn’t really know him very well other than the fact that he took the same major as Johnny, so you felt a little insecure looking as messy as you did right now. His eyes were red, just like the other men’s, but you could swear his eyelashes looked a little damp.

Jungwoo’s words were muffled by the barbecue chips he was munching away.

“Yoo y/n, I didn’t know you were coming!”

You placed the tequila bottle on the table,

“Yeah, Woo, figured you wanted something to drink”

“Move” Johnny murmured to him, but he only stretched and sighed dramatically, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.

“I don’t need a drink I need food. I’m hungry and I got the munchies”

Johnny grabbed his ankle and with impressive ease, dragged Jungwoo to the floor. The taller man sat on the couch, on the side next to Jaehyun and you followed his lead, letting a grumpy Jungwoo lean his head on your knees. Taking the lit joint from Jaehyun’s fingers, Johnny turned his attention back on you.

“So tell me chica” he said and took a hit, “who do I have to beat up?”

“Yuta”, you grumbled, “I’m ghosting this motherfucker”

You felt the vibrations on your lap when Jungwoo started talking.

“What did he do this time? Didn’t I tell you not to get involved with stupid frat boys?”

You started petting his hair, the softness comforting under your fingers.

“Apparently I’m not ‘bad’ enough for him anymore” you replied, throwing air quotes and rolling your eyes.

“Whaaaaat” Johnny drew out with a cough after taking a particularly deep inhale from the blunt, “you’re like the baddest bitch I know. Even now, that you’re all puffy from crying and smell like his dick”

You hit his shoulder, almost dropping the joint he was passing to Jungwoo, embarrassed that he would say something like that in front of Jaehyun, an almost stranger to you.

“I don’t know, man” Jungwoo started, and you could hear the smile on his face, “when girls cry it’s kinda hot”

You were contemplating how many hairs of his you should rip out of his scalp when the telecom rang, assumably by the pizza delivery man.

“Saved by the bell”, Jungwoo muttered to himself and got up quickly to open the door. While the youngest paid for the pizzas, Johnny held your hand, a bit guilty for his words earlier. He had a mischievous smirk and kept shifting his gaze between you and Jaehyun, who had been sitting in silence ever since you got here, occasionally smiling at your friends’ teasing.

“Fuck Yuta, man. You should find a nice guy to treat you well and fuck you even better y’know?” he started, and patted his buddy roughly on the back, “Like Jae over here”

Your eyes widened and you instinctively glanced at Jaehyun, ears a deep red and a matching shocked look on his face.

You cleared your throat, “No offense, but, like, aren’t you practically married to this girl-uhhh what’s her name again? Naeun?”

To someone who wasn’t listening to your conversation, it must have seemed like you tased him, or brought up a painful childhood memory, or asked him if he’d be willing to lick a lemon after washing his teeth. He looked away from you, and turned his attention to his nails, ripping a cuticle off in deep concentration. His voice was so quiet when he finally spoke, that you barely heard him. “I broke up with her, actually.. Like, three hours ago”

Guilt washed over you in an instant, not knowing that you scratched a wound so fresh. You wanted to apologize and even ask if you should leave the three alone, when Jungwoo grabbed the Tequila bottle and crashed on the couch clumsily between you and Johnny.

“Fuck love!”, he yelled, “let’s get wasted”

_______________________________________

You stared at the empty José Cuervo bottle rising up and down Johnny’s chest with every one of his snores. He was laid out on his couch, his tall height taking up all of its entirety, leaving Jungwoo passed out on the floor. Jaehyun followed your eyes and smiled at Johnny’s sleeping face, mouth open and tongue spilling out.

After the 4th shot, you found out that Jae was a pretty decent guy. He let you rant about Yuta while your friends were busy trying to see who could eat a large pizza by himself the fastest. You told him all about how you never went on dates anymore, how you looked through his phone after having sex, and the text conversation you found earlier tonight. He listened carefully, without judgment, and after smoking some more of Johnny’s staff, he opened up to you about his relationship with Naeun.

Or rather, how he found her fucking his roommate on his own bed.

You always thought of these two as what they call a ‘power couple’. Valedictorian meets basketball all-star, they graduate and have beautiful babies, while all the rest of us mortals can do is admire from afar. You would have never guessed the toxicity, constant cheating and manipulation that Jaehyun was recounting. You bonded over stories about cancelled dates, emotional distancing and feeling like you’re always the one giving but never receiving. If you were being honest, you would have never expected such emotional depth from a college point guard. He drew you in with his gentleness, and you noticed how different he was from Yuta, who engulfed you with his intensity. You also hated how even now, you were still thinking of him.

Just then, you got his third message for the night:

asshole [03:35]:come on baby don’t ignore mee, me and the guys were just messing around

you [03:36]:stop texting me

you [03:38]:we’re done

You locked your phone, upset and angry, and felt Jaehyun sigh.

“I know I’m falling for her stupid games, but I just want to get back at her y’know? Show her what she’s missing, that type of thing”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. During the past hours, you weighted all the possible ways you could make Yuta regret ever taking you for granted.

He was so charming that he could get laid with anyone he wanted (and probably did, even when you were ‘dating’), but even after what he said to Taeil, you knew that he hated the thought of anyone else fucking you. He wanted your body to be his, without having to deal with the commitment that came with that privilege.

You thought about fucking one of his frat buddies, but that would get you from being called ‘Yuta’s girl’ to ‘ΘΨΩ’s cumslut’, and your self esteem couldn’t take that blow.

Jaehyun’s deep voice interrupted your train of thoughts.

“Maybe Johnny’s right”

“Huh? ”

“You should date me”

You blinked at him twice, not knowing what to reply when you saw him wave his hands frantically in front of his face.

“Fake date me! I mean, you should fake date me. Sorry, the weed’s got me a little fucked up”

At first, the idea seemed crazy. Yes, it would make Yuta furious that you were supposedly fucking one of the hottest guys on campus. Yes, Naeun would get mad that she didn’t have Jaehyun’s constant attention that she so craved anymore. Yes, you two might have revealed your deepest insecurities, opened up your hearts to each other all while sharing a bottle of alcohol, but you had never hanged out together without Johnny being present. You had barely hanged out together, period. But wouldn’t that make it even more believable? Two of Johnny’s best friends break up at the same time, meet up at his house and inevitably end up together. You didn’t share the same major, so you wouldn’t have to put up the act too much at college. And with social media, making a fake relationship believable was easier than ever.

asshole [03:42]: fuck you. you think you can find someone better than me?

Drunk and lacking logic, you agreed on the plan, and gave him your number. You had just finished creating the contact on his phone when he suddenly got up and rushed to the bathroom, facing the consequences of the tequila and weed combo.

You passed out on Johnny’s bean bag and when you woke up on Sunday afternoon, Jaehyun was gone.

———————————————————

You didn’t expect him to text you on Monday, thinking that it was intoxication that gave him the idea of fake dating and made it look brilliant. So when he gave you the address to his dorm, to further discuss your ‘operation’ you were surprised, but determined to succeed.

The plan was simple. You would start tagging each other on your instagram stories, to show people that you were spending time alone. He agreed to pick you up from your lecture on Wednesday, your classes coinciding on neighboring buildings. And for you final act, he’d come with you as your plus one for the frat’s party next Sunday. Mark was nice enough to invite you, after Yuta ‘forgot’ to do it instead, and Naeun, being Taeil’s sister, wouldn’t miss it for the world. It was the perfect opportunity to flaunt your new relationship, all while being on the opponent’s part of the field.

You started off innocently enough. After you and Jaehyun finished brainstorming ideas about the ‘operation’ as he insisted on calling it, he suggested you stay for a movie and some Chinese food. His dorm was cozy, a little messy, maybe, but it fitted his boyish charm. He had a nice collection of vinyls, stating that his favorite one was I. by Cigarettes After Sex. You were a bit taken aback by his love for dreampop and rnb, but the more you got to know him, the more it seemed to fit him nicely. On the wall next to his bed hung a display full of all of his sport trophies. He was known for his basketball skills, but you also saw medals for soccer, track, volleyball. Amongst them all was an English certificate and a spelling bee award. You wondered if he ever felt pressure trying to be so perfect all the time.

The movie was terrible, but Jaehyun managed to entertain you by making silly jokes throughout and mocking the actors’ bad acting. It was the first time you ever saw him crack a joke like that and be willing to contort his handsome features. So much better than the dream boy image he was feigning for everyone, but you didn’t know him well enough to tell him. The movie was halfway done when he picked up his phone and opened a camera app through his Instagram.

“Shouldn’t we take a story? Since we’re together anyways?”

You nodded and scooted closer to him. He was a bit hesitant as he positioned the camera to capture your legs that were touching, a scene from the movie playing in the background. It was a cute picture but nothing indicated that the two of you were more than friends. You pressed the X at the top of the screen to discard the picture, and placed his hand on top of your thigh. You turned around just in time to witness his ears turning into a fuschia pink.

“Is that okay?”

He nodded and regained his cool, taking the picture and tagging you with a red heart next to your username.

A couple hours after leaving his place you texted him, asking if Naeun had replied to his story. He said that unfortunately, the only person who batted an eye was Johnny, replying with a “ 👀 👀 👀 “ .

———————————————————

You met up again the next day, at your apartment this time.

He looked nervous being in a place so foreign to him yet so personal to you, so you decided to turn the lights down to help him relax, insisting that you weren’t trying to seduce him or anything. He laughed at your joke but still looked tense, and you thought that maybe he needed some liquid courage to open up.

“Hey Jae. Want a drink?”

It took him 3 beers to finally loosen up and show you his dimpled grin again. You were sitting on the floor, facing each other and feeling comfortable in the ambience of the room. A Spotify playlist was playing in the background so it would fill up the awkward silence but wouldn’t distract you from your conversation.

“Wait wait wait. So you sleep without a pillowcase?”

“Yeah, didn’t you notice it when you came to my place yesterday?”

“I thought you forgot to do your laundry!”

His laugh was resonating and deep and manly. It made his eyes disappear and his face light up, not that it didn’t anyway - the guy could easily be a skin care ambassador, and you made a mental note to ask him about his moisturizer later.

You followed his gaze to one of your walls. Pictures were filling it up, memories of yourself and your siblings, of your friends from home that you missed, of Johnny and Jungwoo. You felt a little insecure then, comparing them to Jaehyun’s countless medals and awards.

“I’m not good at sports like you, so I have nothing else to hang on my wall”, you laughed awkwardly but he shook his head.

“No, I’m actually jealous of you. Everyone always seems to want to be around you”

“Except Yuta”

“Yuta’s an idiot, then. You are way out of his league anyways.”

You felt yourself turning into a blushing mess and looked for a way to break the awkward silence that followed his comment.

“Wanna share another one?” you asked him, shaking the empty beer bottle on your hand and he nodded. You started getting up when you felt him put a hand on your shoulder and pick up the bottles you had finished up from the table himself. He rinsed them off and put them away to the recycling bag next to your sink, the domesticity of the action making you melt. You watched as he stood on his tiptoes to reach a lager from the top drawer of your fridge, revealing a defined set of abs and two cute dimples on his lower back. You ripped your eyes away immediately, like you were caught doing something illegal, and he walked back to his spot next to you. As soon as he sat down, he groaned and threw his head back.

“The bottle opener was on the kitchen counter. I forgot to bring it”

Without saying a word, you took the beer from his hand and placed the cap in your mouth. It was a party trick that your older brother had taught you when you were 15. After finding a stable indentation on your teeth, you manipulate the rough edges of the cap and pop the beer open. You return the glass bottle to Jaehyun, who’s looking at you incredulously.

“Fuck me, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen”, he breaths out and you feel your whole face burning up. You opened and closed your mouth a couple times, trying to register that someone like him thought you were hot, when you felt your phone vibrating, saving you from further embarrassing yourself.

Johnny’s picture lit up on the screen and you mentally prepared yourself for the following conversation. You and Jaehyun decided against telling anyone about your relationship being fake. It’s not that your best friend wasn’t reliable, but if you told Johnny you had to tell Jungwoo, and Jungwoo doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut to save his life.

“John, what’s up”

“Eyy chica what took you so long?”

You looked at Jaehyun who had leaned back against the pillow of your couch and sipped on the beer you would share.

“Yeah sorry I was a little busy”

“Busy.. with Jaehyun?”

You tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but you were still trying to recover from the previous incident.

“Yeah, he’s here”

“Ohh I see, little y/n can’t get enough of Jae’s slam dunks.. I bet he’s teaching you the bank shot, the opening tip, the double dribble, the fast break, the palming.. he sure is great for a rebound-”

You interrupted him, growing tired of his nonstop basketball innuendos.

“Why did you call me Johnny?”

“Damn, sorry, I just wanted to ask you what you wanted for your birthday”

Shit, you forgot about that.

“Just get me whatever, I don’t care, you know how much I hate celebrating anyways. I’ll get the cake myself, so no surprises”

Jaehyun lifted his brows and waited patiently for your call to end before asking:

“What are we celebrating?”

“It’s my birthday on Friday. I’m going to invite a couple people over and Johnny’s already stressing over it. Don’t worry, though, you don’t have to come”

“How can your boyfriend not come to your birthday party?”

You laugh bitterly.

“Well, it’s not like Yuta came last year. To any of my parties for that matter”

“Well, he must have made up to you somehow? Got you a very special gift or something?”

“If you count eating me out as a gift then yes. It was very rare indeed.”

You took the beer from him and took a sip yourself. You noticed he had his eyes glued on his phone, his expression gloomy.

“Is everything okay?”

He snapped out of it at the sound of your voice and turned his phone screen towards you.

It was Naeun, or rather a post on her instagram account. She had her tongue out in the picture, hugging two guys that were unfamiliar to you. You read the caption.

“One day the loser will realize that the diamond he thinks he’s playing with is actually a rock”

Jaehyun mumbled an apology. I guess he thought that you’d be a bit offended being called a ‘rock’ but you were actually feeling satisfied. Your fake relationship had managed to get her attention, and for Jaehyun’s sake, you wanted to rub it in her face even more.

You opened your camera app and placed your phone on the table next to you. He figured what you wanted to do so he sat up straighter and motioned to his lap. You’d normally be a bit hesitant to sit on him if it wasn’t for the two beers and your determination, that had fired up again due to Naeun’s words. Leaning back a bit, you set up the self-timer and he put his hands on your hips to stabilize you.

You had agreed on turning up the boldness of your pics, so you placed your hands on his neck, right under his jawline. He snaked his hands upwards and wrapped them around your waist, bringing you even closer. His eyes were glossy from the alcohol and he looked at you with an impressive calmness, considering the intimacy of your position. It seemed like he was waiting for something, the ticking of the timer urging you to take things a bit further and he nodded, as if giving you permission. You leaned in, and pressed your lips on the corner of his mouth, like you couldn’t decide on kissing his dimple or his lips.

After hearing the click you climbed down from his lap, and prayed that the photo came out in focus. Your heart couldn’t handle another retake. From the angle of the camera, it seemed like you were a couple in love, sharing a sweet kiss on the lips. You added a cute caption and tagged him, so he could repost it later on his own account.

It hadn’t been 5 minutes before your phone lit up.

yutassan replied to your story: what the fuck?

You smiled triumphantly and showed the message to Jaehyun, who laughed at Yuta’s reaction. He gave you an excuse about some forgotten homework and how it was late and he has to go.

“Remember, I’ll pick you up tomorrow from class, so wait for me”

After he left, you thought about your almost kiss and the dimples of his back for way too long.

——————————————————

You exited the classroom with a growing headache. The lesson today seemed extra boring, and all you could think about was that you had to convince Johnny that it really took just three days for Jaehyun and you to officially start dating.

As promised, the pair waited for you at the end of the hallway, your best friend looking at the two of you expectantly. Jaehyun was a good actor, you thought, as he approached you before you got to reach them, meeting you halfway.

“Hey baby”, he smiled at you, the nickname turning your legs into jelly. He wrapped one arm around your shoulder, and kissed your cheek sweetly, making Johnny coo at the two of you.

“I can’t believe that I hadn’t thought about pairing the two of you together earlier”

He must have thought that the awkward body language and the silence that fell was a sign from you and Jae to leave you alone. He excused himself, saying something about “letting the young lovers swim in the pool of their love”, or something along those lines.

The two of you walked together, following the road to your next class that was just a few buildings away.

“So how has class, baby

You rolled your eyes at the insistent nickname, “you know that Johnny left us, like, 5 minutes ago, right?”

“Let me enjoy itttt”, he whined, “Naeun never let me call her anything like that”

“Why is that?”

He looked at his feet moving and frowned in thought.

“She said I was embarrassing her in front of her friends. I think she just didn’t want other guys to know that we were together”

You felt a pang of sadness and you realized that it always followed any conversation you two had about his and Naeun’s relationship.

“Well then if you call me baby, I can will you honey. Or sugarplum. Or pumpkin pie. Or-“

It was startling how fast Jaehyun pressed you up against the wall. In just a moment, he had put his hands on your waist, burying his face in your hair. You shivered when you felt his breath as he spoke against your neck.

“Yuta’s watching us”

All you could do was stay frozen in place, and listen with wide eyes.

“Huh?”

He chuckled at your response, but he replied patiently.

“Yuta? Your ex? He’s right over there. Figured we should give him a show”

And with that, he kissed you. Everything was happening so fast, that you could barely comprehend that Jaehyun, that was a stranger in the past weekend, was now making out with you at the hall, for everyone to see.

And that included Yuta.

You opened your eyes in the kiss and searched for him, spotting him with his frat buddies. His eyes were piercing through the two of you, and you saw Mark holding him back by the shoulder. The look on his face was priceless.

Jaehyun pulled back and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you”, you whispered, “but I need one more favor”

“Anything baby”

“Slap my ass as we walk away”

Sure enough, Jaehyun took your hand and you continue your walk, momentarily stopping to make eye contact with Yuta and give you a little spank. It was something your ex loved doing on the rare occasion you two met up outside of your dorms, no matter how public the setting. You heard Mark yelling something at his ‘Yuta hyung’ and that’s when you thought, your plan just might work.

———————————————————

You didn’t see Jaehyun until your birthday. It was just a small get together, but your place was starting to get a bit crowded as time went by. Johnny had been suffocating you with hugs ever since he got there, reminiscing the time you met as teenagers and calling you an old lady. Jungwoo on the other hand couldn’t stop asking about Jaehyun. You kept making excuses about how he didn’t feel so good today and might not make it. You didn’t expect him to come, of course. Just because you had agreed on fake dating, it didn’t mean that he had any obligation to be present in all your social events. The loving message he left on your Facebook wall was enough to fulfill the purpose of your current relationship.

That is why, when you heard a knock on your door, the last thing you thought you’d see was Jaehyun holding a dozen of red roses.

“Happy birthday baby!”, he exclaimed and gave you a kiss on your cheek,

“I asked Johnny about your favorite flowers, hope we got it right”

Feeling speechless, you took the roses from his hands and inhaled their sweet scent. You were dumbfounded that he actually came, and even brought you a present. You thanked him for coming, and he repeated the same thing he said back at your place, “how could your boyfriend miss your birthday?”

And even you were fooled, momentarily, when he held you by the waist later that night and sang you happy birthday. You blew your candles and all you could wish for was a love like the one Jaehyun was faking for you. He helped you clean up, and was more than willing to socialize with all of your friends. You admired how well he fitted in your social circle, already friends with Johnny and Jungwoo, yet so nice that even people he met for the first time came to love him.

You were sitting on one of your dining chairs, your two best friends already passed out on your couch. They had brought two bottles of vodka and your favorite tequila, but you weren’t in the mood to drink. You couldn’t help but remember the time when you practically begged Yuta to be there on your special day and he still missed it. You were scared that if you got a little drunk you would text him, or worse, call him, his sweet talk bringing you back to him all over again.

The only sounds resonating through your apartment were Jungwoo’s light snoring and a chill Spotify playlist playing from your laptop. A familiar tune came on, and you recognized it being ‘Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby’ by Cigarettes After Sex. You immediately looked at Jaehyun, the only conscious person still at the party other than you. He threw his head back and sighed contently at the sound of his favorite song. You saw him get up and walk over to you, reaching his hand out.

“Will the birthday girl spare me a dance?”

You slow danced in the middle of your living room, ending the night in the sweetest note. Jaehyun always felt so stable, so safe. You wondered how he got himself tangled up in that mess of a relationship with Naeun. Maybe it was the way he treated people with such kindness, void of any prejudice. Maybe he was a little bit like you, and didn’t think he deserved much.

“She’s crazy” you mumble against his chest, his confused hum making you feel the vibration on your face.

“Naeun. She’s crazy for ever cheating on someone like you. You’re perfect”

“I have my flaws”

You thought about how competitive he got when you played beer pong earlier, how his ears get red when he gets embarrassed, how he shows his dimpled smile in apology when he’s late. His love for drinking and how it makes him more honest, his trust in people that must have gotten him hurt many, many times. You liked them all, you loved them all.

“It’s just so hard for someone not to fall in love with you”

———————————————————

And that’s how the days went by with Jaehyun. You met up almost every day, in restaurants for a nice dinner, or hanging out in each other’s dorm. It was so much fun getting to spend time with him, that you sometimes forgot to make your meetup public on social media. You helped him with his math homework, and he helped you dye your hair. You even went to his basketball game, and he dedicated one of his goals to you, following every teen movie cliche.

You felt a little sad how it was all falling to an end. The plan was successful, for the most part. Naeun had asked Jaehyun to meet up later tonight, talk things through. You wished he wouldn’t go back to her, but you knew you had no real say in his love life. Yuta saw that he didn’t own you, that there were people like Jaehyun that were willing to give you what your ex had promised you, but wasn’t able to give. Well, not really, you reminded yourself. Jaehyun was faking it. You shouldn’t let yourself get lost in the fairytale, even if the past two weeks were some of the best of your life. He had proposed that you claim that the reason for your upcoming ‘breakup’ was differences in character, but you decided to stay friends. You were happy that at least, in the midst of all this mess, you met someone like him.

It was Saturday, a day before the frat party. You had invited him over, celebrate the end of your relationship with some pizza and a movie.

The movie was boring, but Jaehyun made you laugh. It reminded you of the first time the two of you met up alone. You had gotten comfy on your couch, sharing popcorn when you noticed. A huge bruise was peeking out from Jaehyun’s tank top, the dark color contrasting against his porcelain skin.

“What the hell?!” you exclaimed and scooted closer to him. You rushed your hands on his chest, your fingers pushing the fabric aside to examine the bruise. You found even more bruises scattered around it, accompanied with scratches that stretched longer than his top could.

“It was from the game the other day”, he tried to excuse, but you weren’t buying it.

“Jae, I was there. You played basketball, not WWE. Now who did this to you?”

He sighed and fidgeted with a loose string on his jeans, clearly uncomfortable.

“When I caught Naeun with my roommate, and broke up with her, she didn’t take it very well”

You kept staring at him, urging him to continue.

“She started calling me names, saying that she’s the best I’ll ever have. That I’m worthless without her, just a social climber trying to mooch off of her popularity”

He motioned on his torso, “When I kicked her out of my place, this happened”

“Is that the first time she acted violent?”

He shook his head. “Pretty much every time she didn’t get her way”

“Jae”, you started, placing your hands on top of his “this is abuse. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“It’s- it’s nothing. It’s embarrassing”

“No it’s not! Abuse is not exclusive to any gender! Guys get affected by it too!”

“It’s embarrassing because I know I can physically stop her but I don’t”

His eyes were starting to water, the sight was heartbreaking. “I sit there frozen and just take it”

“Why?”

“Because part of me believes her. That I’m hopeless without someone like her, dictating what I can and cannot do. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that it’s sick. I have these bruises to remind me”

You were starting to get angry. Angry at that bitch for hurting him, angry at Jaehyun who puts up with it, angry at you, for not seeing past the obvious like everyone else.

“I’m not letting you go see her tonight”

He laughs at you, putting up an invisible barrier between you.

“Not letting me? Wake up y/n! We’re not a real couple, remember? We’re just faking it to satisfy our selfish needs. This whole thing is pointless”

He stormed to the door and you tried to stop him, but he was too riled up for that.

“You’re going to forget about me as soon as this whole circus is over, just like everyone else”

“How can you accuse me like that when you haven’t even let me be a part of your life for real?”

“Because now you’ve met me. Me. With all my ugly, all my fucking bruises. Is it still so hard not to fall in love with me?”

With that, he closed your door with a bang, not even letting you answer that yes, it was impossible not to fall in love with Jung Jaehyun.

———————————————————

History seemed to repeat itself, as you got a text from him the next morning, that you didn’t expect.

jaehyunnie: let’s meet outside of the frat at 10:30, i’ll bring the booze.

And that’s what you did, showing up with your shortest skirt, spotting Jaehyun sitting a few meters from the frat’s entrance. He was laying against the wall, his eyes red, and he gave you the same smile he always did when he saw you, as if your fight yesterday never happened.

“Hey baby” he said and pulled you in for a hug. You couldn’t resist the invitation, and felt yourself melting in his embrace. He smelled like weed and shower gel.

It was nice, how he proclaimed your truce, but you still had to get something off your chest.

“Listen, Jae, about last night, you were right. This whole thing is pointless. We can go home, if you want”

“No baby”, he started and pulled away just enough to look at you. His eyes were droopy but glancing back at you with such care as he moved a strand of hair out of your face, “we’re here to have fun”

You wondered why he was still willing to come to the party with you as your boyfriend. Maybe he wanted to do you one last favor with Yuta, or maybe he wasn’t done indulging in Naeun’s petty games. You looked at his forearms, noticing a few scratches that weren’t there yesterday.

“I’m guessing you and Naeun didn’t make up last night”

He shook his head, and rubbed his hands on your back, keeping your temper down.

“Did you get in a fight?”

“Something like that”

You didn’t know what came over you. It was anger and protectiveness, possessiveness even. You laced your fingers in his locks, letting his head rest against the wall. If Naeun wanted you to speak in her language, then so be it.

You started kissing his neck, on that part on the side that is tender and sensitive. You heard passerbys whistling at the two of you, seemingly getting it on in public. Your licks and sucks weren’t meant for pleasure though, you had a goal and that was to leave a bruise. A statement for Naeun.

You walked in the building hand in hand and followed Jae to the kitchen, where he poured you a drink out of the bottle he brought along. Looking around, you sensed a couple familiar faces staring back at you from the crowd. Taeyong from class, Mark and Ten, and last but not least, Naeun. You downed the drink in one shot and lead Jaehyun to the dance floor.

He put his hands on your hips, and swayed you at the sound of some club song you weren’t familiar with. You ground your ass against him and he hissed, keeping you close against him. A little voice in your head was screaming how this isn’t real, to him this is all pretend, but you ignored it. You wanted her to think that he was yours, that she couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Why are you doing this to me y/n? Yuta’s not even around”

Jae turned you around, and you put your hands on his shoulders. He looked absolutely breathtaking tonight. You searched his face for a flaw, yet couldn’t find any. You wouldn’t change a single thing on him.

“She’s here” you said venomously.

He buried his face in your neck, inhaling the smell of your hair and trying to ground himself from his high. “I don’t give a fuck about Naeun”

He kissed your ear and your mind fogged up even more.

“She didn’t ask me to meet up yesterday, I did. I wanted to tell her that she and I were done, for good. I thought she wouldn’t be here tonight, but I guess she changed her mind”

What?

“Then why are you here? And why did you let me give you that big ass hickey?”

He stopped nibbling on your ear, and whispered to it instead.

“I’d never miss up on a chance to feel yours”

The bodies dancing next to you, the liquer you had downed a few minutes ago and Jaehyun’s words were getting too much to handle. You felt suffocated, unable to distinguish where reality ended and pretending began with you two.

“Jae, I need a moment, excuse me”

Releasing yourself from his grasp, you made your way to the kitchen. There wasn’t any fresh air, but there was plenty of booze. You poured yourself a shot and as you downed it, you felt another liquid trickling down your top.

You looked up to find out who managed to make this night even worse for you, only to come across the last person you needed to see tonight. Yuta.

“Shit I’m sorry”, he muttered and you avoided eye contact, thinking you’d manage to get away without him realizing it was you. Luck wasn’t on your side tonight.

“Well well well. Long time no see.”

Confidence was dripping from his smile, to his stance, to the way he looked at you. He had dyed his hair your favorite color, his white locks begging to be tugged and played with. To top it all off, he smelled good, so, so good. He smelled dangerous. Comfortable.

You immediately realized that you didn’t have the self control needed to resist him. Turning on your heel, you started to get the hell out of there when he held your wrist, keeping you in place.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you can’t stay like this, you’ll catch a cold”

“Since when are you worried about me?”

“C’mon y/n, please. Come upstairs, I’ll give you a clean shirt. No funny business, I promise”

You hated yourself for this, but you followed him upstairs to his room, like a pray falling right into the hunter’s trap. He closed the door behind him, muting the loud music and you sat on his bed that you were so familiar with. Looking through his closet, he passed you one of his t-shirts, and turned around to let you change with some privacy. It was comical how chivalrous he was acting, considering the unspeakable things you’ve done in here.

“Not like you’ll see something you haven’t seen already”, you murmured and he chuckled, raising his hands.

“Hey, I’m a gentleman. It’s my fault, after all. I have a habit of getting you wet.”

Blushing at his comment, you quickly changed into the clean shirt and felt the bed dip next to you. You thanked him under your breath and started getting up, when you felt him hold you back once again.

“Stay, just a moment. I’ve missed you”

“What do you want?”

“You, baby”

Yuta was the one who said it, but you swore you felt Jaehyun’s voice reverberating through the nickname. Suddenly, it felt like there was no air for you to breathe.

“That’s not happening, Yuta. I’m with Jaehyun now”

He scoffed, “Jaehyun? Naeun’s puppy? Come on now, we both know you can do better than that”

“Don’t talk about him like that”, you bite back, but he doesn’t budge.

“What kind of boyfriend leaves his girl alone in a party like this?” He grips your chin, making you stare at him face to face, impossibly close. “Look at you. Every single guy in this party wants to fuck you. You expect me to be ok with this?”

Yuta lets his other hand glide on your knee, moving up to your thigh slowly. He smiled at how easy it was to focus on him.

“Do you remember how I made you feel? How I reminded you that you’re mine? You were moaning so loud, Mark thought you’d pass out. You loved it.”

You wanted to scream, tell him that this was the past you, that you couldn’t take going back to him once again and get your heart broken one more time, but you felt helpless around him. The warm feeling was only temporary, it would soon evaporate when you face the fact that to him, you are nothing but a play toy, a possession.

And that’s when Jaehyun barged in through the door. His eyes moved frantically from Yuta’s hands on your thighs, to his band tee you wore, to your discarded top on the floor. He quickly turned red, the color spreading from his neck to his face, then landing on his ears.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?”

You instantly got up, following his thought sequence.

“It’s not what it looks like! He spilled his drink on me and gave me a clean shirt and..and..”

“And you decided to sit on his lap to thank him?”, he mocked you and Yuta laughed.

“Calm down, dude. I didn’t make her do anything. Besides, it’s not the first time y/n found her way over here after some disappointing dick”

Jaehyun grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up from the bed, forcing him to stand and face him. You moved between the two, trying to stop the catastrophe that was about to happen. Jae might have more muscle power than Yuta, but if the whole frat ganged up on him he would have to leave this place in a stretcher.

“Jaehyun please, let’s just go. Baby, please”

The nickname was the only thing that brought him out of his rage and made him listen to you. He let go of Yuta and took your hand, dragging you out of the room.

You were two hallways down when you pulled away, forcing him to stop.

“Why did you have to get so mad?”

“Why the fuck did you go back to him?”

“I didn’t! It was just.. so hard for me to tell him no”

You felt your eyes water with how pathetic you sounded. Jaehyun rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration.

“Don’t you understand how much it fucking hurts? To see you with that guy that treats you like shit when I’m right here, willing to give you everything? When I’m in love with you?”

You couldn’t process what he said because in a moment, his mouth was on yours. The kiss was so different than the one you shared at the hallway of your campus. It was passionate, it was rough, and this time, he monopolized your attention. His lips were determined to bruise into yours, leaving you breathless and causing your back to fall against a wall. It was crowded around you, eyes prying into your intimate moment but to you, the only person around was Jaehyun.

“You smell like him”, he growled, sucking on the tender spot under your ear, “makes me wanna fuck his scent off of you”

That was all you needed to hear. You led him to the frat’s guest room, knowing that Taeil always kept a spare key in the lamp next to the door. Unlocking the door seemed like a tour de force with Jaehyun leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck, but you finally managed to stumble inside. You locked the door behind you, continuing your heated kiss, hands roaming around each other’s body.

He was taller than you, so when you felt him grab your ass with such eagerness, you almost lifted off the ground. You palmed him through his jeans, the roughness of his hard on making your panties stick from wetness just a bit more.

“I want to taste you” you managed through kisses, but he just unzipped your skirt as a response, pulling it to the floor in one hasty move. Petting your clit through your underwear, a shiver ran down your spine, spreading goosebumps all over your arms and legs.

“I don’t think I have the patience for that”

He walked you backwards towards the guest bed, taking his pants and shirt off along the way. You sat on the edge of it and admired his godly proportions, when you took notice of the bruises and scratches that led to your fight on Saturday. Suddenly feeling the need to slow down, you started leaving kisses over each and every one of them. You wanted him to trust you, give in to you completely. He had his flaws just like he said, but you wanted all of him. And you wanted him now.

“I need you, now”, you voiced your thoughts and helped him take off his boxers, revealing his hard cock. He was thick and decently long, making your mouth water and your pussy clench.

Towering on top of you, he removed your panties that were embarrassingly damp at this point, and by his smirk, you knew he noticed.

Jaehyun bent your legs next to your torso, making you expose all of you. He licked his lips as he dove into your lower ones, muttering praises about your “pretty pussy”, turning you impossibly wet.

Jung Jaehyun never disappoints, you thought, because the moment you felt the first lap over your sensitive bud, you got a taste of heaven. He alternated between licking and sucking over the spot that turned you into putty against him. You were already unbearably turned on at this point, and the changing pace of his tongue made you lose your mind.

Your pants and moans only seemed to urge him on, and after a few minutes of his careful treatment you felt yourself getting close. He must have sensed it, because when you grabbed the bedpost in an effort to stop shaking, he stood on his knees, and reached for a condom in his wallet.

You didn’t have time to complain about the denial of your orgasm, and started taking Yuta’s shirt off, when he grabbed your hands and placed them back on their previous position on the headboard.

“Don’t”, he said sternly as he lined himself up your entrance, “I want to fuck you in his shirt”

There was no time to think about whether his request was healthy or not, because when you felt him stretch you out, the only thing on your mind was him and his dick.

You let out a deep moan and he took it as a sign to screw himself deeper inside you. Your pussy gushed uncontrollably, filling the room with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. You unlaced your fingers and ran them down his back, ghosting them over the dimples that had affected you so much.

Jaehyun lowered himself, letting his chest touch yours, and you could feel his abs contracting over the fabric of Yuta’s shirt.

“I bet he’s never eaten you out like that, yeah?”

“N-no, never, ahh”

He sat up again, putting your legs over his shoulders and lifted your butt off the mattress, gripping your hips to steady himself before continuing his incredible pace.

“You’re mine, aren’t you baby? Mine to give you everything.”

The position felt divine. He was hitting it incredibly deep, reaching the spot that had you moaning so loud you were thankful for the unbearably loud music of the party. You were sure his fingers would leave a mark over your hipbones but you didn’t care, the pain only accentuating the warm feeling in your belly.

“J-Jae don’t stop - fuck don’t stop I’m gonna cum”

He leaned over, grabbing your face that was contorting in pleasure.

“Look at me when you cum for me”, he demanded, and when you rolled your eyes behind your head, letting go, he let out his first moan for the night.

He kissed your lips sweetly, helping you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful, my baby. So, so beautiful”, he praised and you submitted fully to him. He turned your body around, positioning you in all fours, and you wondered where the gentle boy you met at Johnny’s house went. His dick buried in you once again, spreading your juices around and the sensitivity of your previous orgasm made you aware of every single inch.

“So fucking tight”

Jaehyun didn’t go easy on you. He saw how much you liked it, how you were pushing your ass against his cock. He pounded in and out of you with the intention of fucking your thoughts out, and that’s just what he did. When the feeling got too much, and making any sort of noise seemed like a feat, you felt him push your hair back, and start biting on your neck, most definitely leaving a mark.

“I’m gonna cum. Fuck, I’m gonna cum”, he muttered, his voice wavering and you felt him release in the condom inside you.

It took a while for the both of you to regain your breaths. Jaehyun’s chest was heaving up and down as you rest your head on top of it, not brave enough to break the silence.

“I’m sorry”, he finally said and started petting your hair lovingly.

“About what?”

The bed was foreign and small but you both stayed still, wanting to bask a little more in the peacefulness of the moment.

“About getting so possessive, and saying all these things out of jealousy. I acted just like him..”

You kissed his left peck, listening to his heart that was starting to beat in a faster pace.

“Jaehyun, you’re nothing like Yuta. I get how you felt, I feel the same way when I think about you with Naeun”

He took your hand that was resting on his abs and planted a kiss on your palm. Your heart did a flip and you were pressed so close together, he sure must have felt it.

“I should have told you about her sooner. About the fights and how I let her go because of you. I was in denial about my feelings for you because-“

He stopped mid sentence, wary of the way his words would come off to you. Jaehyun was a proud man, but he opened up his heart tonight, admitting he was in love with you. He had already exposed so much of himself that you gave him the time he needed to organize his thoughts.

“Because I was insecure. That you would never like someone like me. That Naeun was right. That you were only interested in playing pretend with me and didn’t mean any of the things you said, and I let myself get carried away in a lie”

You and Jaehyun were two lost souls, trying to break free from the constraints your insecurities built up for you. You didn’t have to succumb to your masochistic tendencies anymore, wasting your time in heartless lovers because now you found him and he found you. Both unable to see any value in themselves, but more that willing to treasure the other. And that was enough for you.

“I’d be honored to be loved by someone like you. Baby.”

#jaehyun smut #nct jaehyun #nct smut #jung jaehyun #yuta smut #jaehyun angst #yuta scenarios #jaehyun scenarios #nct scenarios #nct au #nct 127

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eternalsimp · 3 years

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Cursed Fears

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 3096

Warnings: aged up Megumi, use of female pronouns, swearing, mentions of violence, spoilers for episodes 5 and 6, mention of character death, slight sexual themes toward the end, angst, minors dni.

The sound of the rain steadily increasing was the only sound in your apartment as you waited patiently for your boyfriend. Your laptop displayed that it was midnight as you lazily scribbled statistics solutions onto the notes app of your tablet. Once you felt you reached a stopping point you got up to find a long sleeve to stave off the cold that seeped into the apartment from the storm. Striding over to your closet to pull out something to remind you of him. As you grabbed his signature grey shirt, you were immediately hit with the soft scent of cedar-wood. It was thin and soft from years of use. It hung loosely and brought you a sort of comfort as you counted down the minutes ‘til he got home. You weren’t a sorcerer, but you were well aware of the dangers that your friends went out and faced, and the panic in the back of your mind grew louder as the hours passed since Megumi had walked out of the door.

You stifled a yawn as you finally heard the lock to your front door click open and shut. You closed your eyes and stretched your back to loosen the knots that formed from doing your homework on the living room floor. As you made your way to the door to greet your boyfriend, he was frantically kicking his shoes off and stripping himself of his jacket.

“Hey love, how was it?” you said softly while reaching for his rain-soaked torso. He flinched away from your touch, eyes wide and afraid. His blue eyes scan your confused face before he blinks slowly and takes a shuddering breath.

“Sorry, I didn’t expect you to still be up.” He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead before retreating to the bathroom. The smell of blood, dirt, and god knows what else isn’t lost on you as he tries to pass you quickly. You bend to pick his jacket off of the floor where he had tossed it in his haste, and walk to your shared bedroom to put it in the laundry basket. You open the drawers to his side of the dresser to pull out his favorite sweats and a plain white tee-shirt, before gently placing them on the bathroom counter where he is aggressively scrubbing his face.

“You’re gonna get sick if you stay in those wet clothes much longer,” you say oh so matter of factly before pushing up on your toes to kiss the corner of his jaw. Your movements take him slightly off guard, which you use to your advantage to nudge him to a sitting position on the bench next to the shower. You run a washcloth under the warm water of the sink, move to stand between his legs, and gently brush the cloth against his temple. He closes his eyes and leans into your touch. You both sit in silence as you wipe the remnants of sweat and blood off of his face and neck. You notice the way he's holding your waist, hands so light his touch is barely there. Like he’s afraid you'll break if he makes a wrong move. After you finish wiping his face and neck, you tug at the hem of his soaked shirt and he complies with your wordless command to take it off. You step back out of the bathroom to toss it into the basket with his Jujustu Tech jacket.

When you walk back in, his head is leaning against the cool wall, letting you fully take stock of the bruises and cuts adorning the top half of his body. The worst of it looks like a slight split at the corner of his bottom lip and a shallow cut above one of his brows. You stride over to him and run your fingers through his black hair. “Baby,” you crooned softly. He gave a soft hum in acknowledgment as you nuzzled your nose into the top of his head. “I love you but you smell like a sewer, can you please shower before you fall asleep?” He sticks his tongue out playfully as you back away from him so he can stand up and move towards the shower.

Though his normal stoic behavior wouldn’t concern you, you still can’t shake the terrified look on his face when he first entered the apartment. How tense he’s holding himself and the way that he’s obviously trying not to worry you. His eyes linger on your face like he’s trying to memorize every aspect of it before he drops his gaze and shakes whatever thought he had out of his head.

You settle back on the living room floor between the coffee table and the couch and turn your attention back to your college notes. You only have time to pick your stylus back up before your phone starts vibrating in your pocket. You look down and see Itadori’s name scrawled across the screen along with a picture of him smiling next to your grouchy-looking boyfriend.

“Hey Yuuji, what’s up?”

“Hey y/n, I know it's late but I just wanted to make sure Fushiguro got back okay.”

“Yeah, he’s in the shower. Do you want me to have him call you when he’s out?”

“No… I just… did he seem okay when he got back?”

You chewed on the corner of your mouth for a second, “I mean, he seemed kinda unsettled but that’s not unusual for when he comes back from your guys' missions.”

“Yeah… yeah you’re right. I don’t know, he just seemed off after everything. Never mind.”

You hear the water shut off in the other room and quirk a brow. “Yuuji you better spit it out or else I’m gonna come over there and start cutting your fingers off! What are you not telling me?”

“On that note, I gotta go. Just talk to him, okay?”

“Wait Yuuji-” the line goes dead before you can press him with more questions. You stuff your phone back into your pocket and tap your stylus on your tablet for a couple of minutes. Just talk to him. Gore and violence are nothing new to Megumi, and he isn’t easily fazed, so what would shake him so bad that even Yuuji is worried?

You’re pulled from your thoughts both literally and figuratively when you feel a pair of muscular arms lift you onto the couch behind you. You are once again settled between your boyfriend's legs as you’re pressed against his strong chest. You yelp and try to wiggle out of his grasp but his years of training with the other Jujustu Sorcerers, even after graduating, leave him with an iron grip on your hips.

“Hang on let me grab my notes,” you protest. He presses his face into your neck and whines. After a few moments of struggling against him, you manage to snatch your tablet and pen off the ground and open it to your last question. You adjust yourself so your shoulder is against his chest and you can lazily drape your legs over his thigh. He rests his cheek against the crown of your head and readjusts his arms around you so he can still hold you tightly while not blocking your view of your classwork. You scribble notes for a few more minutes before deciding that him falling asleep in this position will mean him complaining of a sore neck in the morning, what with the awkward way it's twisted to lean against you. You could feel his body getting heavier against your own. You remembered what Yuuji had told you, and in an effort to keep him awake, you decided to ask what had been nagging you since he got back home.

“Are you okay?” All you get in response is another hum from your barely awake boyfriend. You shift again and reach up to run your fingers through his still-damp hair, “‘Gumi, baby, you shouldn't fall asleep here. Let’s go to bed.” He chuckles lightly at the nickname you gave him way back when you first started dating, and how you save it for private moments like this.

“I just wanna hold you for a bit longer, I promise we’ll get up soon.” Megumi finally murmurs. You don’t miss the way his jaw clenches as you try to fix your gaze upon him. You sigh and set your tablet down before turning to straddle Megumi’s lap and force him to look at you.

“What’s wrong, you’re more distant than usual?” You rest your hands on either side of his face and turn him to look at you. He avoids eye contact and suddenly you’re looking at the guarded 16-year-old boy who refused to open up to anyone when you first met. You lean to rest your forehead against his as he focuses his gaze somewhere between your jaw and the base of your throat. “Please talk to me? What happened out there?”

Megumi struggles internally on how much to tell you. You mindlessly stroke his cheeks with your thumbs and he finds himself settling his hands back on your waist again, with the same feather-light touch that you would use with glass. Finally, you get his answer in the form of a whisper.

“I’m scared I’m gonna lose you…”

You immediately pull your head back to look at him straight on only to be met with a faraway gaze. You furrow your brows together and squeeze his face just enough to get his attention. His eyes snap to yours and you can see the tears starting to prick at the corners. “I’m not going anywhere ‘Gumi.” You smile at him before pulling him closer to you and he buries his face into your neck.

“Fuck, that’s not what I meant. I’m scared I’m putting you in danger,” his voice is starting to waver, “You didn’t ask for this, any of this. I’m gone all the time, always on missions constantly putting both our lives in danger. I can’t even imagine what would happen if one of the special grades were to find out about you. It’s bad enough Sukuna knows you.” His voice cracked at the end of his sentence and you feel his chest shudder.

He wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him. You nudge his face away from your shoulder and see the tears he’s been holding back finally fall. The only other time you can remember him crying like this was when he thought Yuji died. You go back to stroking his face and shushing him but it's too late, the dam is broken and he can no longer hold back the sobs.

“What if I can’t protect you?” He continues to choke out his fears while you keep stroking his face lovingly and whispering soft reassurances to him that everything is going to be okay and you’re both safe. You let him cry into your chest until his strangled sobs slowly turn into soft sniffles.

“Feeling any better baby?” You gently push at his shoulders and lean him back again so you can look at him. He nods hesitantly and lets you wipe any remaining tears from under his now puffy eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m just tired and I guess everything kinda boiled over all at once,” he sighs. You lean down to press a soft kiss to his lips and he instantly melts into it.

“Don’t be sorry Megumi, you can talk to me about anything.” You press another kiss to his forehead and continue rubbing small circles into his jaw to loosen the tension there. After a few moments of holding each other silently, you pipe your voice up again. “Yuji called, he seemed worried. Did something happen tonight?”

You felt Megumi go stiff underneath you before quickly relaxing into your touch again. “Itadori started to lose control and Sukuna was just being a dick, per usual.” You inhale sharply and try to remove yourself from his grasp, you are gonna kill those two one of these days. As if he could read your mind Megumi quickly grabbed your wrists effectively pinning you against his chest once again. “Okay no, stop it. Nothing happened, he was just being mouthy and trying to wind me up. Obviously, it worked...”

“I don’t give a shit what Sukuna says and neither should you. If by some miracle he is able to get out of their pact, Gojo and Yuji would never let anything happen, and neither would you.” You press your forehead against his again since he still has a firm grip on your wrists to keep you from moving away from him. “I don’t care what you think, the safest place for me is right here with you. Sukuna is just bitter that he’s in a cage so he’s decided to make it everyone else's problem.” Megumi chuckles lightly again before releasing your hands and replacing his arms around your waist.

“We should go to bed, you have class in the morning.” He sighs. You crane your neck to see it’s well past 2 am, you stretch again to release the last couple of cracks in your spine and your boyfriend takes the opportunity to nip at your collarbones and make you squirm against him.

“If you stop doing that I’ll stay home with you instead, deal?” He jerks his face away from your chest and gives you the biggest puppy dog eyes you’ve ever seen.

“Are you sure? You have exams this week right?”

“There’s no point in going to a lecture if I’m just gonna fall asleep. I’ll study for my exams tomorrow after I wake up, but I’m planning on sleeping in tomorrow. Both of us need it.” He hums in agreement before trying to lift himself off the couch with you still in his arms. You gasp in surprise as you feel him wobble and stumble back into the couch cushions, tucking you into his neck with a hand to the back of your head to keep your faces from colliding.

You look at each other and let out a chorus of laughter. You shake your head before pinching his nose gently. “For someone so smart, you are so fucking dumb sometimes.” He scrunches up his face and swats your hand away as you peel yourself out of his arms and off his lap.

“You know, I’ve done it before and I was confident I could do it again. Also, I gotta keep my pretty girl on her toes.” This time it was your turn to swat his hand away as he grabbed at your thighs and rear. You rolled your eyes comically at him and moved towards the bedroom. He jumps up, throws you over his shoulder, before unceremoniously plopping you on the bed with a speed you’ve only ever seen him possess. He hovers over you as he presses his mouth against you in a rushed, teeth-clashing kiss. You push at his shoulder so he can dramatically flop on his back and open his arms expectantly.

“Give me a sec to change, I’ll be right back.” He whines like a child when you grab your pajama shorts and a tank top from the top of the dresser and stride into the bathroom. You’ve never known anyone to be as handsy as Megumi. He hates PDA and would never in a million years let strangers see through his cold, tough exterior. In the comfort of your home though, you quickly learned that he can never keep his hands to himself and they tend to wander on their own. He always wants to be touching you when you’re home together and he’ll whine and pout if he can’t. You can never find it in your heart to turn down his affection, especially on nights like this when he is feeling vulnerable and needs reassurance. Those nights are few and far between but you indulge your boyfriend in anything he needs whenever his facade starts to crack and you get glimpses of the version of him that he keeps carefully tucked away.

You pull your jeans and his sweater off and quickly throw your pajamas on. You toss your clothes into the basket from the door and find your boyfriend sprawled on your side of the bed scrolling through his phone. You poke the middle of his back and yank the blanket, covering him from the waist down, to what's supposed to be his side of the bed. His jaw drops in mock offense before he's pulling your front flush against his chest once again.

His lips latch onto yours again as he's tangling his legs with yours and threading his hands through your hair. You bring your hands under his shirt to stroke your fingertips lightly against his sides as his kisses grow needier and more urgent. One of his hands leaves your hair to grip your hips as he rolls his own into you desperately. You bring one hand to press against his chest lightly and move away from him for air.

“Baby please…” he looks like he's on the verge of begging. His heart pounds heavily under your fingers on his chest. You press a quick kiss to the tip of his nose.

“‘Gumi, you’re exhausted and very emotional right now, just go to sleep.” His bottom lip sticks out in a cute pout and you lift your hand to run your thumb over his protruding bottom lip. “I promise I will be here in the morning and we have all day tomorrow to hang out and do anything you want.”

His brows quirk up and his mouth pulls into a smirk. “Anything?” He drops his head to try and catch your lips again but you evade him.

“Anything, if you go to sleep right now and wait ‘til morning.” He scrunches his nose up and huffs pathetically before moving to tuck one arm under your head and wrap the other around your waist protectively. You nuzzle your face into his chest to breathe in the usual smell of cedar-wood and a lingering scent of rain. One of your hands is tucked under his jaw while the other slips back beneath his shirt to keep tracing patterns up and down his sides. He shivers at the featherlight touch of your fingertips but melts into the hand you have on his face.

You can feel his breath growing more rhythmic and you glance up to see his eyes fluttering shut. You press one last kiss to his jaw before murmuring a quiet “I love you” into his chest. He squeezes the arm that's around your waist to pull you impossibly closer to him before you drift to sleep.

“I love you too baby. I promise I’ll always protect you.”

#fushiguro megumi #jujutsu kaisen megumi #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #megumi fluff #anime #fanfic #megumi fic #megumi x reader

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lucienballard · 3 years

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The Velvet Underground’s 30 greatest songs – ranked!

30. Ride Into the Sun (1969)The Velvets recorded two versions of Ride Into the Sun: a fabulous 1969 instrumental laden with fuzz guitar and a hushed 1970 vocal take backed by organ. Somewhere between the two lies one of their great lost songs; Lou Reed’s disappointingly flat 1972 solo version doesn’t do it justice at all.

29. Run Run Run (1967)For all the shock engendered by the lyrics of Heroin and I’m Waiting for My Man, the most malevolent-sounding track on the debut album might be Run Run Run, a powerful R&B groove lent a gripping darkness by Reed’s noisy guitar playing and the screw-you-I-take-drugs sneer of his vocals.

28. Beginning to See the Light (1969)The title suggests awakening, the melody is bright, but the lyrics are dark and bitter. They may have been directed at John Cale, who played on an initial version of the song, which was subsequently re-recorded after Reed sacked him, against the wishes of his bandmates. A ferocious 1969 live version amps up the tension.

27. Foggy Notion (1969)Reed was a lifelong doo-wop fan. His passion usually found its expression when the Velvet Underground recorded backing vocals for their ballads – as on Candy Says – but the tough, rocking Foggy Notion went a stage further, gleefully stealing a chunk of the Solitaires’ 1955 single Later for You Baby.

26. The Gift (1968)In which the band set a two-chord grind that may, or may not, have been based on their instrumental Booker T in one channel and a blackly comic Reed short story read by Cale in the other. “If you’re a mad fiend like we are, you’ll listen to them both together,” offered the producer, Tom Wilson.

25. Guess I’m Falling in Love (1967)Recorded at the White Light/White Heat sessions, but never completed, the April 1967 live recording of Guess I’m Falling in Love – taped at the Gymnasium in New York – will more than suffice. It boasts three chords, a distinct rhythm and blues influence, Reed in streetwise, so-what punk mode and explosive guitar solos somehow potentiated by the rough sound quality.

24. Temptation Inside Your Heart (1968)“It was not Mein Kampf – my struggle,” the guitarist Sterling Morrison once reflected of the Velvet Underground’s career. “It was fun.” A delightful late Cale-era outtake that inadvertently captured Morrison, Cale and Reed’s giggly backchat as they recorded the backing vocals, Temptation Inside Your Heart bears that assessment out.

23. New Age (1970)New Age comes in two varieties. Take your pick from the world-weary, small-hours rumination found on 1969: The Velvet Underground Live, or the more epic studio version that the Velvets biographer Victor Bockris suggested was “an attempt to present some encouraging statements to a confused audience as the 70s began”. Both are superb.

22. After Hours (1969)The Velvets’ eponymous 1969 album ends, improbably, with the drummer, Moe Tucker, singing a song that could have dated from the pre-rock era. The twist is that her childlike voice and the cute melody conceals an almost unbearably sad song, ostensibly a celebration of small-hours boozing, but filled with longing and regret.

21. I Can’t Stand It (1969)Amid the Velvets’ songs about drugs and drag queens lurked the plaintive sound of Reed pining for his college sweetheart, Shelley Albin, the subject of Pale Blue Eyes, I Found a Reason and I Can’t Stand It. The latter’s cocky strut is disrupted by a desperate lyrical plea: “If Shelley would just come back, it’d be all right.”

20. The Black Angel’s Death Song (1967)There is something folky and vaguely Dylan-esque at the heart of The Black Angel’s Death Song, but by the time Cale had finished with it – alternately strafing it with screeching, insistent viola and hissing into the microphone in lieu of a chorus – it sounded, and still sounds, unique.

19. I Found a Reason (1970)It is one of the ironies of the Velvet Underground that the most forward-thinking, groundbreaking band of their era could occasionally sound like old-fashioned rock’n’roll revivalists. Buried on side two of Loaded was one of the loveliest of Lou Reed’s loving homages to doo-wop, complete with spoken-word section.

18. Some Kinda Love (1969)Musically straightforward, sensual in tone, Some Kinda Love is a complex business, part seduction soundtrack, part refusal to be hemmed in by standard categories of sexuality – “no kinds of love are better than others … the possibilities are endless / and for me to miss one / would seem to be groundless”. Killer line: “Between thought and expression lies a lifetime.”

17. European Son (1967)European Son isn’t a song so much as an eruption. It sounds like a band overturning the established order of rock’n’roll, almost literally: after two brief verses, it bursts into thrilling frantic chaos with a verbatim crash, like the contents of an upended table hitting the floor.

16. Rock & Roll (1970)It is hard to see Loaded’s driving, joyous hymn to music’s redemptive power – “her life was saved by rock and roll” – as anything other than disguised autobiography on the part of Reed. The suggestion that music will endure “despite all the amputations”, meanwhile, seems to look forward to his departure from the Velvet Underground.

15. Candy Says (1969)No one else in 1969 was writing songs remotely like Candy Says, a stunning, tender pen portrait of the transgender Warhol superstar Candy Darling set to a gentle doo-wop inspired backing. Its melancholy seems to presage the note Darling wrote on her deathbed in 1974: “I had no desire for life left … I am just so bored by everything.”

14. Sunday Morning (1967)Sunday Morning was written at the behest of Wilson. He wanted a single that might conceivably get on the radio; he got a haunting, melancholy sigh of a song, its battered wistfulness and undercurrent of paranoia – “watch out, the world’s behind you” – the perfect encapsulation of morning-after regret.

13. What Goes On (1969)Morrison maintained that the studio incarnation of What Goes On wasn’t a patch on the live versions the band performed with Cale on organ. Maybe, but the studio incarnation featuring Cale’s replacement, Doug Yule, is great. It prickles with nervous energy, Reed’s guitar playing is amazing, its churning coda takes up half the song and it still feels too short.

12. Femme Fatale (1967)Apparently provoked by the damaged, doomed Warhol superstar Edie Sedgwick – with whom Cale had a brief affair – Femme Fatale is as beautiful and fragile as its inspiration. The story of a wary, ruined former suitor warning others off the titular anti-heroine is lent a chilly edge by Nico’s delivery.

11. I Heard Her Call My Name (1968)In the Velvets’ early days, Reed purported to be “the fastest guitarist alive”. A berserk claim, but his Ornette Coleman-inspired solos on I Heard Her Call My Name are some of the most extraordinary and viscerally exciting in rock history, frequently atonal, spiked with ear-splitting feedback and pregnant pauses.

10. Ocean (1969)The Velvet Underground recorded Ocean several times – one version is supposed to feature the return of Cale on organ – but never released it in their lifetime, which seems extraordinary. It is among the greatest of their later songs, its atmosphere beautiful, the epic ebb and flow of its sound completely immersive.

9. I’m Waiting for the Man (1967)An unvarnished lyrical depiction of scoring drugs tied to music on which Reed’s rock’n’roll smarts and Cale’s background in minimalist classical music – the pounding, one-chord piano part – meld in a kind of relentless perfection. Amusingly, there is now a pharmacy at the song’s fabled location of Lexington 125.

8. I’ll Be Your Mirror (1967)A song about Reed’s affair with Nico that could just as easily be about Andy Warhol’s approach to art, I’ll Be Your Mirror is one of those Velvet Underground tracks that makes their initial commercial failure seem baffling. How could a pop song as wonderful as this fail to attract attention? Nico and Morrison on stage at the New York Society for Clinical Psychiatry annual dinner in 1966.

7. White Light/White Heat (1968)A delirious paean to amphetamine, its subject reflected in the lyrics – “I surely do love to watch that stuff tip itself in” – and the turbulent, distorted rush of its sound. The band appear to be barely in control as it careers along; the chaotic finale, where Cale finally loses his grip on the bass line, is just fantastic.

6. Heroin (1967)Heroin was the deal-breaker at early Velvets gigs, provoking a “howl of bewilderment and outrage”. The shock of its subject matter has dulled with time, but its surges from folky lament to sonic riot still sound breathtaking. Oddly sweet moment: Reed’s chuckle as Tucker loses her place amid the maelstrom and suddenly stops playing.

5. Pale Blue Eyes (1969)“High energy does not necessarily mean fast,” Reed once argued. “High energy has to do with heart.” Hushed, limpidly beautiful and almost unbearably sad, Pale Blue Eyes’ depiction of a strained, adulterous relationship proves his point. In its own vulnerable way, it is as powerful as anything the Velvet Underground recorded.

4. Sweet Jane (1970)Sweet Jane started life as a ballad – see the versions recorded live at the Matrix in San Francisco in 1969 – but, sped and toughened up, it became as succinct and perfect a rock’n’roll song as has ever been written, based around one of the greatest riffs of all time.

3. Venus in Furs (1967)For a band who inspired so much other music, the Velvet Underground’s catalogue is remarkably rich with songs that still sound like nothing else; they were as inimitable as they were influential. Venus in Furs is a case in point: umpteen artists were galvanised by its dark, austere atmosphere; none succeeded in replicating it.

2. Sister Ray (1968)A monumental journey into hitherto-uncharted musical territory, where a primitive garage-rock riff meets Hubert Selby-inspired lyrics and improvisation that sounds like a psychological drama playing out between Reed and Cale, all at skull-splitting volume. Fifty-three years later, it is without peer for white-knuckle intensity.

1. All Tomorrow’s Parties (1967)Ninety per cent of the Velvet Underground’s oeuvre consists of no-further-questions classics. The astonishingly high standard of almost everything they did makes picking their “best” song a matter of personal preference, rather than qualitative judgment. So let’s go for Warhol’s favourite, on which the sour and sweet aspects of their debut album entwine faultlessly. The melody is exquisite; the music monolithic and unrelenting, powered by Cale’s hammering piano and Tucker’s stately drums; Nico’s performance perfectly inhabits the lyrics, which turn a depiction of a woman choosing what dress to wear into a meditation on emptiness and regret. It is original and utterly masterly: the Velvet Underground in a nutshell.

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#the velvet underground

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thestarrynightslover · 3 years

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So Many Times Before

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 3,190

Warnings: Discussion, yelling, some angst.

Summary: (y/n) and Jay used to be best friends who had always, secretly, wanted more. Now, after years of not seeing each other, what happened to all those feelings?

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: So, this is my first actual fanfic and I’m quite unsure about it (especially since English isn’t my first language), but I really wanted/needed to give some use to my obsession with Jay Halstead, lol. Anyways, I hope it doesn’t suck too bad and, please, feel free to give me feedback, cause I’m also here to learn!!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

"So, honey, you are never gonna believe who I saw the other day at the district..." You remember your dad saying, in a conversation that made your heart skip a few beats, weeks ago.

"Oh yeah? Who?" You asked with a soft smile on your lips, not paying much attention at the moment.

"Jay Halstead." He said simply as if just waiting for you to freak out. God, your dad really knew how to make you drop your cool-girl act.

"Oh, that's nice... Wait. What??? Did you say Jay? What was he even doing there? Is he okay? Did he get into some sort of trouble? How can we help?" And there it was, you were totally losing it and your dad just stood there with that smug smirk of his, that says: I knew this was coming.

"Relax, (y/n/n), he’s okay. He was just there to get some files from a case my unit was handing over to them." That would've been a completely acceptable statement if Jay Halstead wasn't still in the army for all you knew.

"Sorry, handing a case over to them?"

"Yeah, sweetheart, apparently that scrawny kid — who's not so scrawny anymore — is, now, a detective working with CPD's Intelligence Unit."

"What? But when did he leave the army?" By then you were drifting off the conversation with your dad and he knew it, so he did you the favor of leaving you alone with your thoughts and memories.

Now, with the very same (well, not the same, he really wasn't scrawny anymore) Jay Halstead standing right in front of you, that moment with your dad inevitably came back to mind.

"Wow, (y/n) (y/l/n)!" He said with a huge bright smile that made you wanna go back to your high school days, yep the smile was that awesome.

"Jay Halstead. Wows are definitely in order." You said between giggles. "Oh my Gosh, it's been forever! How are you doing?"

"I'm- I'm- I'm good, thank you. How are you?" He looked absolutely shocked as he scanned you upside-down.

"I'm good too. You look great, by the way."

"Thanks," he smiled again. Wasn't he ever gonna stop doing that? "you look, hum, you look great too!" He said that, while looking at you in a way that was, for sure, making your cheeks heat up. "So hum-" Your phone just had to start ringing at that moment, didn't it?

"I'm so sorry, but I gotta take this. Work." You said, waving your phone in front of his face.

"Oh, okay, no problems, go ahead!" Jesus, he was acting like a teenager. After all these years how was it even possible that you still had so much effect on him? He started thinking, as he watched you take a few steps away and confidently boss someone around over the phone, was that really you? His high school best friend? Because who could tell? You were generally so quiet and shy with everyone. You would never lead any groups, almost choked on your words every time you had a presentation... Remembering that made Jay think of a moment in particular, when he first knew he loved you as more than just a friend.

You were 16 and he was 17, a year ahead of you in school too, as he was already a senior. But you guys never really minded that. How could you, anyway? Jay was your best friend in the world (okay, your only real friend after Will left for college).

The two of you were walking back home from school, as you always did, him dropping you off at your doorstep – even if that meant he had to go back a few blocks every day, all he cared about was making sure you got home safe.

That day was different, though. He stopped you at your house's fence and said he needed to tell you something important. God, your heart literally stopped, as you thought you knew exactly what he was gonna say. "Oh, jay-"

"No, please, (y/n/n). Just let me tell you, otherwise, I'll lose my courage." He stopped for a second, breathing hard and watching your expression attentively. "I, I, um, I need to tell you that… That I, um… That I enlisted the army." He said like he was ripping off a band-aid.

"What???" You were shocked, to say the least, "You did what, Jay?" You asked again, whilst trying to calm your nerves.

"Look, don't be mad at me, just let me explain, please." He pleaded with you. "I just need to get away from here and you know it, (y/n), you know why" You did know why, just, God, the army, seriously?

"Jay, you don't need to do that." You tried reasoning with him.

"Of course I need to, (y/n/n)!" He said and you could see him beginning to get upset. Or was it desperation? "I can't stand him any longer! I just can’t.” Geez, you didn’t want him to go. You definitely didn’t want him to go, but you could see the sadness in his eyes when he said that. Still, you tried a little more:

“But what about your mom? Your brother? What about me?” You felt yourself blush after that last part, but continued: “Jay you’re really important to me… my best friend, my… my… my only friend! I can’t lose you.”

“And you think that that doesn’t kill me? Will and my mom will be just fine, they’ll miss me, sure, but they’ll be fine. You on the other hand? I don’t wanna leave you! Especially knowing that you’ll have to go through the rest of high school alone…” He looked genuinely apologetic and concerned “That’s why I told you before anyone else.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand.” You stated simply.

“Tell me you don’t want me to go, and I won’t.”

“What? You’d… You’d really do that for me?”

“Of course, (y/n/n)! You mean the world to me and you’ve gotten me through so much already…” He sounded sincere, but you also knew what led him to make such a drastic move and you couldn’t just let him throw away what was probably his best shot at getting out of Chicago for you. You wouldn’t.

“Jay… I could never ask you something like that. You’re right. I know why you’re making this choice.” You said and tried to smile a little so that he’d stop worrying about you. Your life was better and easier, in many ways, because of him, so you couldn’t or wouldn’t make his any harder than it already was.

“Are you, are you sure? Because I came here ready to argue with you about this. To try hard to make you understand my decision, but now that I’m actually here, talking to you about it…” He looked so confused and you only wish you could pull him close to you and say that everything was gonna be okay as long as you two were together. Just like he did with you on the hard days, but you couldn’t. He deserved better from you.

“I’m sure! Look, I know what I said before, but… But I promise you I’ll survive this without you! It’s gonna be harder and a lot more boring… But I’ll be okay, you don’t need to worry.” At that moment you looked down to your feet, unsure if you really had it in you to let him go like that. But of course you did because you loved him. So you went on, “You said this is how you get outta Chicago, so you should do it. You’re my best friend and I love you. And I really just want you to do what’s best for you. What’ll make you happy.” You said with a small smile, even though the tears were already in your eyes.

And that was when he knew he loved you, for the first time, as more than just a friend. The way you supported him – like no one else had ever done –, even though it pained you… That really stuck with him. In Jay Halstead’s opinion, time and distance and other people all sucked. Because they had pushed you away from him. Well, he was to blame for that too, but now you were standing right there. At his District. That’s gotta count for something.

As you came back, he noticed you looked upset. “Everything okay?”

“What? Ah, yeah, sure. Just work stuff. Anyways it is a huge surprise to see you, Jay.” That made his heart drop, you were surprised to see him?

“Oh, yeah? I thought the reason you were here was that your dad told you this is where I work. I mean, because we ran into each other the other day…” Now it made sense. Of course your dad would wanna play matchmaker between you Jay! Even more, now that he was a cop.

“Oh, God, he did mention something about you the other day. But you’re telling me that he isn’t here?” At that, Jay just looked at you like you were crazy.

“Today? I haven’t seen him… He works at the 26, no?”

“Yeah, I know he does. It’s just... He told me to meet him here for lunch today. Something about a joint op. Anyways now I know why he said that.”

“What? He lied to you, then?” Jay asked, laughing his ass off at your cost. Unbelievable, you being played by your cupid father and Jay Halstead laughing at you. He stopped when he realized just how angry you were getting. But the stupid smile was still there.

“Forget it, this was a waste of time.”

“No! Wait, why don’t I take you to lunch instead?” He shot you such a charming smile that you could have said yes to marrying him at that moment. “C’mon, at least you don’t end up with an empty stomach.”

“I gue-” You almost said yes, but, thank God, your brain went back to working properly and you remembered how you promised to never let yourself fall for Jay’s “ways” another time. “Actually, I already spent most of my free hour here chatting with you, so now the only way I won’t be late is if I just grab something on the way back to the office.” You saw him opening his mouth and said: “And I can do that by myself.” You added so that he wouldn’t have a chance at convincing you.

How can Jay Halstead make you feel like this after all this time? It's absolutely ridiculous because the man hurt you the way he did, he left you behind (for a good reason, but still), and you just spent the rest of the day torturing yourself for being too rude with him?

You have no self-love. That has to be it, because, now that you left work, you're calling your dad just to embarrass yourself and make him feel like the achieved cupid. Oh, right. And to beg him for Jay's address. This was the wrong move in so many ways, but you just had to go there.

Or at least that’s what you’re telling yourself as you reach his building entrance. There it was: 3B - J. Halstead. You pressed the button hoping he would be home. He was; he answered. Okay, why did you do this again?

“Hello?” You hear him calling out.

“He- hey! Hum, hi it’s (y/n)...” He doesn’t even let you finish your rambling.

“(y/n/n)! I mean, hum, (y/n). Hey, let me buzz you up!” With that, the door opens and you get inside, you’re so unsure about this that the next thing you know you’re standing at his door about to knock, but being met with a grinny Jay instead. “Hey, I was pretty surprised when I heard your voice…” He states while running a hand through his perfect hair. “I honestly thought that I had somehow managed to order food and forget about it!” Gosh, he really wasn’t gonna stop smiling like that, was he? “Hey, you okay? What happened?”

“Hum, no, no, no! Everything is fine, really! Thank you for asking though, it’s very sweet of yours.” After hearing that, his concerned expression started softening until he started smiling again, damn Jay! “Actually, I’m here precisely because, hum, after I left the District, I ended up doing some thinking and got to the conclusion that I was a bit rude with you… Maybe even more than just a bit and I’m sorry. It’s no excuse, but I guess I just got upset because of how my dad played me and took it out on you! Anyway, it wasn’t right and I’m sorry.” Instead of just saying it was okay, or agreeing with you, he just gave you a funny look and silence. “So, huh, what do you think about that? Say something, please?” Still nothing, unbelievable. “Seriously? You’re giving me the silent treatment? What are we, ten?” Hearing that, he bursted into laughter, leaving you very confused, to say the least. Once he caught his breath, he finally started talking:

“Jesus, (y/n)! Of course, I’m not giving you a silent treatment!” He said while shaking his head and still laughing. “You say you were rude, but I was trying to remember exactly when, during our less than five minutes talk, that happened. I kinda asked you out and you declined, I’m not gonna think you’re a bad person because of that! Especially after all of our history…” That kinda surprised you, but, then again, Jay was never the kind of guy to get upset over some mild rudeness.

“Ah…” Was all you managed to say before he spoke again:

“But, since you’re already here, let me pry on your guilt a little and ask you to come inside for a beer, maybe?” You nodded your head giggling and followed him inside. “So, um, your dad mentioned you were moving back here…” He half asked, handing you a bottle.

“Thanks. Ah, yeah, the company I work for decided it was time for a transfer.” You answered with a shrug of shoulders.

“Oh I see, you’re an engineer, right?” The conversation was beginning to get awkward, and both of you could feel it.

“Yeah,” you said while calculating how fast you could make it to the door after standing up from the couch, “chemical engineer, listen, it’s getting late, and I have an early morning tomorrow, so-”

“Wait, please don’t leave just yet.” He breathed out, softly grabbing you by the arm. “Ever since our fight that day I’ve been hoping for a chance to make things right between us, (y/n/n)...” At that, you just close your eyes and rub your fingers against your temples. “I never meant to hurt you, I swear!” Really? That was what he was going with?

“You never meant to hurt me? I crossed the Atlantic just to be by your side, leaving a lot of important stuff behind, and you didn’t wait a single moment to trade me for the first cover girl you could find, but you didn’t mean to hurt me?” You always thought you’d start crying if you had to confront him like that, but instead, you were just angry.

“(y/n/n), I’m so sorry! It’s just that I couldn’t be with you at that moment... I-”

“You couldn’t be with me? Right, because I wasn’t half of what they were… It’s not like you’re telling me anything new, really.” You tried to make it sound like nothing but, damn, that hurt deep.

“What? No, of course, not! You got it all wrong, baby!” Baby. He used the pet name you two sometimes used with each other to mock all those popular couples in school… “I couldn’t be with you because I was so messed up! I’m not proud to say it, but none of those girls ever meant anything to me! They were just a distraction from everything that was happening, from everything that had happened… You, on the other hand… (y/n/n), you were there at my mom’s funeral when I wasn’t! Don’t think I forgot about it!” His eyes softened a little. “You were my best friend in the world!”

“Oh my God! You still don’t get it? I didn’t want to be just your best friend, Jay! I spent most of my high school days just wondering when you were gonna trade me, your mere friend, for one of those pretty girls, who would happily be more than that to you… But you never did… Until that time! I was expecting to find you messed up! Because I knew that I wasn’t gonna give up until you got better! But, that?” Now there was just no stopping the tears that were rolling down your cheeks. He was on the verge of crying as well, so the two of you just stayed there in silence until he decided to speak again:

“I’m a complete idiot. That’s all I can say for myself. I’m so sorry I never realized it, (y/n)!” He seemed sincerely sorry, but you weren’t sure you could forgive him just yet. “You know,” he started, while laughing bitterly, “I made a real fool of myself with you, cause I used to dream about having a shot with you, romantically, I mean.” After hearing that, your jaw literally dropped, while Jay just kept laughing lightly. “Will even used to bug me about it, he’d say that you were just as fallen for me as I was for you,” he said, chuckling, and shaking his head, “and I never believed him, I’d actually beg him to stop saying those things whenever you were around because I thought it could make you uncomfortable…” You didn’t even know how to respond to that.

“Jay, I…” You began, but he interrupted you:

“You, um, you don’t need to say anything, if you don’t want to. Now I see that I hurt you a lot more than I thought I did, and I am so sorry! I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t, so if you ever feel like you can give me another chance, even if just at our friendship, I’ll be so thankful! The happiest man! But if not, well, I’ll just stay out of your life,” you could see how hurt he was, “because I don’t ever wanna make you cry again.” He said that but it looked like he was the one about to break into tears, so you did the one thing you could think about doing; you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. Just like you had thought about doing so many times before. It took him a while to correspond since he was sort of stunned, but when he did… Oh boy, it was everything that books always told you about, there were butterflies and fireworks, and you knew that your transfer back home couldn’t have come at a better time.

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daydream-hobii · 4 years

Text

Hybrid Heart Attack | Chapter 16

Genre: Poly!AU; Hybrid!AU; Fluff; Angst

Pairing: BTS x Female!Reader; Human!Seokjin x Human!Reader; Eventual relationship with Snow Leopard!Yoongi, Red Panda!Hoseok, Koala!Namjoon, Calico Cat!Jimin, Husky!Taehyung, Doberman!Jungkook

Summary: Y/n finds her current fiance during college, his name is Seokjin. They fell in love and dated for three years before he proposed. Now, Seokjin is a lawyer for hybrids, and Y/n, well, she has the perfect stay at home job. When Seokjin invites her to move in, she wasn’t expecting that he has six hybrids. She doesn’t know why a hybrid lawyer wouldn’t have hybrids, she just didn’t think about it…. Y/n is petrified of hybrids, something happened to her when she was little…. Guess she’ll have to adapt… or leave.

Warning: Mentions of Animal Attacks, Abuse (Physical & Mental), Depression, Anxiety; Possible PTSD mentions; Suggestions of Smut; Read with caution. <3 This one in particular has Mentions of Violence, Attacks, Etc. Slightly Graphic. Read with Caution. <3

Word Count: 1,281

// Previous // Next //

Author’s Note: Welcome to Chapter 16! Okay! So, halfway through, it will switch to Seokjin’s POV! I was gonna make it Chapter 16.5, like I did in Shelter of Hope, but this chapter would’ve been too short! I hope you all enjoy it!! ^_^

I went straight to the park, it wasn’t too far from our house. Well, was it really my house anymore? Seokjin pushed the last button, how could I go back to a man who did such a thing? I couldn’t! I wouldn’t.

But… there was still my love, so strong. My heart felt broken, like it was all a lie. My Seokjin wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t say that… but he did…. Was the engagement really a mistake…? He’s been so patient with me since I moved in. Patient with me warming up to the hybrids, patient with me needing him… why now? Why would he be so obsessed with Sooyoung when I’m right here? Am I not good enough?

I shivered, the cold night making me wrap my arms around myself. I felt numb, my heart heavy in my chest. Salty tears rolled down my cheeks. My heart was literally broken… Seokjin was my soulmate, my everything….

I heard a rustling not too far off, making me jump and look towards the bushes. I huffed, glaring at the noise and crossing my arms.

“Boys, go home, I want to be alone,” I warned.

My heart sank as four hybrids emerged from the bushes, but they weren’t mine…. They all looked threatening, making me go wide eyed. One smirked, walking closer to me as I stepped back. In my rush out the door, I forgot it was late at night and I should bring a weapon, so I was completely vulnerable.

“Think we were someone else?” One asked, flashing a toothy smile.

“Yes,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “I’m sorry for the intrusion.” I turned around, about to walk back towards home, but another stepped in front of me.

“What’s the rush?” She asked, smirking. There were three men and one woman. My heart began to beat fast, old fears resurfacing.

“I need to get back home,” I replied, trying to step around her, but she shoved me, making me fall to the ground in horror.

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Another man said, making me gulp.

“See, you don’t know us, but you may know our owner,” One said with a smirk. “Met at a grocery store not too long ago. Your fiance knows him a bit better than you, though.” I went wide eyed, my mind flashing back to that day months ago.

“You’re the lawyer's wife,” A man growled out, making me pale slightly. “The one who took away my hybrids!”

I gulped once more, remembering what Seokjin told me about the case. He was taking away his hybrids because he used them for cage fighting. These must be that man's hybrids….

“You see, we like our owner, we like to fight, so you could imagine our disappointment when another man came to take us,” He said, bending down to my height. He pushed a piece of hair behind my ear, making me shiver in fear. “So, we decided we need to make him pay for it.”

“What better way than to take it out on his fiance,” The woman growled, making me wide eyed.

I tried to stand, I tried to get away, but the one who seemed to lead this pack bit my arm, making me shout in pain. I felt fists hit my body, feet hit my stomach. There would be an occasional bite, and it would seep through my skin. I curled up, trying to protect my body, my face, keep them from hurting me further, but to no avail. Memories from when I was younger came flooding back, and for a second I thought I was there.

One of the hybrids grabbed my chin, making me look up as he growled. I felt woozy, they had made so many wounds that I lost some blood. This hybrid seemed to open his mouth, going in for my jugular. This was it, this was the end… but he dropped me. My vision was blurry, but I could’ve sworn I saw four more people join us, hybrids. I wanted to shout, to ask them for help, but one of the hybrids attacking me kicked me in the face, making me lose consciousness.

Seokjin’s POV

My anger was so strong, but hurt filled my body as well. Why would she do this…? It’s never been like this before…. Back in college, we were apart for weeks at a time and there was never a problem…. I felt so hurt, but at the same time, I understood what she was saying. I had been away from her for a long time, and I hadn’t seen her for a while, and we live together.

I pulled up to Sooyoung’s house, turning off the car and sighing. I got out, walking to her door and knocking, tears rolling down my cheeks. When she opened it, her smile disappeared. She pulled me into a hug, her hand twisting through my hair as her other rubbed my back.

“Jinnie, what’s wrong?” She asked, grabbing my hand and taking me to her living room where we sat.

“Y/n and I got into a pretty bad fight,” I mumbled. She looked surprised, but I noticed a glint in her eyes.

“About what?” She asked.

“You,” I replied, sniffing and rubbing my face.

“Oh, honey, I’m so terribly sorry,” She replied, hugging me. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be…?”

“But it was,” I replied, pulling away. “She’s always been so funny and outgoing, except when she gets shy and blushes. She’ll wrinkle her nose when she gets annoyed, but it’s all fun. She’s so beautiful and…” Something in my mind clicked, making my heart sink further. “Oh my god… what have I done…?”

“Jinnie, please,” Sooyoung asked, making me look at her. “Maybe this is fate! Maybe we’re supposed to get back together. I miss you so much, I just want you and the boys back.” My eyes widened when she leaned in, making me stand as she opened her eyes, looking hurt.

“Oh my god…. Sooyoung, you’re the one who broke up with me. You moved away, for your work, I wanted to try long distance, you didn’t,” I said, my brain creating memories and realizations at rapid speed.

“Jinnie, come on,” Sooyoung begged, standing. “She’s not the right one for you.”

“You got into my head,” I said, wide eyed. “Oh my god, Sooyoung, what did you make me do?! I was hanging out with you because I missed you! We were best friends before we were dating!” I paused, stepping back in horror. “Was this your plan…? You don’t know what’s right for me! I haven’t seen you in years!” I yelled.

“Jinnie,” Sooyoung started, but I cut her off.

“Don’t call me that!” I screamed, walking towards the door. “I have to go find Y/n. You stay away from me and my family from now on. I don’t want to see your face ever again.” I slammed the door, letting out a heavy sigh. I had to find her, I had to apologize. I knew I was going to have to beg to get her back…. God, I’m such an idiot….

I ran to my car, getting in and opening my phone. I had missed text messages from all the boys, they must be looking for me. Just as I opened the phone app to call Y/n, my phone began to ring with a mysterious phone number. I squinted my eyes, thinking maybe it was for work. I answered it, listening to a new voice on the phone. My heart sank, eyes widening and tears dropping.

“What…?” I whispered, heart breaking. “I’m on my way.”

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katierosefun · 3 years

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well, here we are! june basically flew by and it was a little rough, but we’re back with some long recs on cool things i’ve read/listened to/watched, and i’m about to force everyone to sit down and listen to my sleepover-esque ted talk in which i give unwarranted and unasked for rec lists. so here we go!

kdrama:

while you were sleeping

okay, so i tried to watch this kdrama when it came out in like...2017, i think? but for some reason, i wasn’t able to get past the first episode. i don’t really know why? because it’s so beautifully shot, and i super love the premise, which is basically this girl and this guy are somehow able to see things that are going to happen in the future...but only in their dreams. this whole kdrama really handled the plot super well--each episode honestly felt like a movie in itself, and the filming was just stunning, and i think this has to be one of the most visual kdramas i’ve ever seen. each character is also super interesting and complex on their own, and i really loved seeing such a strong cast of characters interact with each other in this world.

i think the only slight downside of this kdrama was that i couldn’t really get invested in the romance? i’m not quite sure why--i found both lead actors’ performances wonderful, and don’t get me wrong, i did think they were cute together as the drama went on, but i still couldn’t find myself buying into the romance until maybe relatively late in the drama (like...ep 11 or so? ep 16 was honestly when i realized that awww, wait, they’re actually super cute). but then again, i feel like the writers weren’t really prioritizing the romance either--i think they really wanted us to think about the beauty of dreams and redemption and how everyone can touch another person’s life in some significant way, so i can’t really be mad about it!

but anyways, overall i really enjoyed this kdrama and watched it all a lot faster than i thought i would! SOLID music, beautiful cinematography, good acting, mostly good writing, and some really memorable characters! def. a must-watch if you love suspense, aesthetics, and some wonderful characters.

the ghost detective

i’m someone who doesn’t like horror or scary things at all, but i was so intrigued by the plot and whatever material i saw on tumblr, and...of course, choi daniel, lee joo young, lee ji ah, and park eun bin. honestly, this is just a really wonderful and really underrated cast, and they really all brought out their a-game for this 32-episode supernatural / thriller / horror drama. basically, this kdrama follows the story of a young woman who’s trying to figure out who murdered her younger sister...and of course, there’s something supernatural going on.

honestly, this kdrama was such a ride. i loved the crime-solving aspect of it, and i was really in love with the interactions between all the characters, esp. that of eun bin and daniel’s characters. (guys...they’re so ride and die for each other. there’s also so much yearning. so much yearning in this kdrama, it just about killed me--)

the villain was absolutely, appropriately, elegantly creepy, and like...scary beyond belief. basically, the villain (lee ji ah’s character) feeds her victims these harmful thoughts and ultimately get them to kill themselves. it’s sad and haunting, especially when you see that the victims tell their victims “don’t listen to the bad things. try only to listen to the good things”. and...yeah. themes of how to handle all of these bad feelings inside of you really came through in this kdrama, and there were a lot of themes of suicide and the kind of rage and sadness that comes with that. (also! if you’re a fan of lots of angsty/whumpy situations....this kdrama definitely does not hold back with all of your fave whump/angst tropes! literally! every! episode! i! had! to! lie! down! because! too! powerful!)

school 2013

(aww, look at this precious cast…as though they didn’t all make me ugly cry at least five times—)

yeah, yeah, yeah, i’ve talked about this kdrama ad nauseum, and i know i watched it last month, but as i was studying for the lsat, i really, really, really needed some comfort. most notably comfort re: studying life, academics, how difficult it is to study but also be uncertain of your dreams…and if you are certain of your dreams, how that sometimes requires studying but that just makes life all the more overwhelming…can you tell i’ve been thinking about this a lot

i’m not going to ramble more about this kdrama considering i already have done so multiple times, but i enjoyed this rewatch and honestly,,,my love for this show has just grown even more. there’s a good reason why people consider this a comfort kdrama, because. i consider myself deeply comforted. also, i’ve been listening to the ost for the whole month. it’s become a problem. but sometimes. sometimes you need to listen to songs that feel like someone’s patting you on the head and telling you don’t give up, set down your burdens, don’t think you’re alone and dream whatever you want to dream, go wherever you want to go. i’ll stop talking now, but god. when i say that i think everyone who has ever felt incredibly tired by work or school and just wished for someone to give them a big hug either then or now...god. this is just one of those kdramas that i think honestly touched so many people’s lives, and i’m very grateful for the cast and crew and writers for ever bringing this story to life. :’) (god, okay, now i’ll stop talking before i make myself cry i’m fine this is fine)

your honor

so, i watched this kdrama thinking that it would be light and funny given that yoon shi yoon is the main male lead, but boy was i wrong--don’t be fooled by these happy little faces, this kdrama is heavy. this kdrama is about a young man (with a criminal record) who winds up impersonating his twin brother, who happens to be a judge. we also have a trainee who, after seeing the legal system fail her older sister, is on the rise to dispense justice through the courts the best she can.

honestly, the first few episodes were rough, mostly because of the content. big trigger warning for rape, violence, and sexual harassment at work. this kdrama really didn’t hold back when it came to addressing how the very people who use the law can also be the very same people who manipulate and abuse it. because of that, i found this kdrama incredibly powerful. that said, it certainly had its lighthearted moments too.

overall though, i liked this kdrama. the main characters were incredibly complex and genuinely the type to make me believe that for all the injustices in the world, there are still and always will be people fighting for the right thing. as someone who wants to enter the legal field, this kdrama was just uplifting. i was so blown away by the absolute rawness of the main two leads, esp. yoon shi yoon, who i’ve only ever seen in super lighthearted kdramas. so this was a really interesting change of pace, and i genuinely enjoyed watching this!

waiting for love

so this kdrama is just two episodes, and what’s better is that it’s available on youtube! it’s about two college students--a young woman who’s been hurt by falling in love with jerks now just wants to date, not really fall in love...and a young man who’s excellent at giving dating advice except he’s afraid that he’s never going to actually fall in love, so he just dates a girl for the sake of dating.

now, i kinda thought that this show was going to be kinda lighthearted, a little shallow--but it was weirdly...comforting? idk, i found myself liking it a lot more than i thought it would be. this is far from the perfect kdrama, and i kinda wished that we got more than 2 episodes because i think some of the plot points could have been better expanded, but...there were genuinely a lot of scenes that made me think a bit more about what it actually means to be in a loving relationship--like how it’s not enough to just put on a happy smile and eat meals together, but like...you know. there has to be trust and actual liking and also, yeah, maybe a bit of frustration in order to actually know whether a relationship is real or not. and given that the characters were all discussing the pressure on getting married and romance esp. when you’re in your twenties...idk. makes you think about are you dating someone for the sake of appearances? or do you genuinely...like them?

there was also quite a few tropes that i personally adore in this kdrama, which helped balance out the stuff i found more tiring. there was a lot of the “right person, wrong time” stuff going on (you really want the two main leads to get together after a certain point, and you just keep holding your breath whenever they walk past each other and beg please please please let it be this time...), and also that good old “two strangers fall in love with each other purely over writing to each other” (god. first the half of it, then me & au, then greenhouse podcast...something about this trope huh). that said, there were def. some parts that made me “:////” because some of the characters were kind of frustrating, but i’m gonna chalk that up to good writing since i think i was mostly mad about how i knew people like some of the characters lol. overall, i think this might be at least semi-enjoyable--it’s probably not something i’ll watch again, but it def. made me mull over what it means to actually be in a loving relationship, esp. if you’re in your twenties and everyone around you seems to be in happy romantic relationships/getting engaged and whatnot.

movie:

columbus

i’m a firm believer that there are some movies that are meant to cheer you up, some movies meant to make you cry, and then there’s some movies that are just meant to...sit with you. and this movie is definitely one of them. this story follows casey, a high school graduate, and jin, the son of a famous architect. the two of them are both so incredibly exhausted with their lives (casey with her constant worry about her mother, who’s a recovering drug addict; jin with his surface-level lack of concern for his comatose father). in their small town of columbus, indiana, the two of them bond over architecture and just. being quietly there for each other.

this movie’s been compared a few times to lost in translation in the sense that there’s this not quite romance between the two leads, who have a bit of an age gap (john cho and haley lu richardson have about 20 between them!). to be honest, i didn’t really get the sense that there was supposed to be a romance. if anything, it just felt like...two really lonely people finding each other. definitely not a simple friendship--definitely not a familial kind of relationship, definitely intimate.

idk. i think this movie might not be for everyone--i definitely agree with a lot of past reviewers that this movie is on the slower side. there’s some stuff here about complicated relationships with parents, a lot of cool architecture, really beautiful shots...and overall, it’s just...quiet. it’s lovely, and i can’t really stop thinking about it. it’s subtle, bittersweet, and oddly compelling. might not be the kind of thing you’d want to watch in the middle of the day, but if you’re a little sad and in the mood for something not to necessarily lift your spirits but...at least acknowledge them and sit with you, then...this is the movie to watch. idk. i felt kind of crummy the day i watched this movie, and i felt as though someone just sat next to me on a park bench until the sun went down. (mayhaps specific but hush, i’m writing this right after finishing this movie, so i’m...feeling a certain way.)

wish dragon

i watched this movie right after watching columbus because a) decided i was in the mood for something lighter, and b) i learned that john cho?? voiced?? the dragon?? (caroline your crush on john cho’s jumping out this month...)

but anyways! i loved this movie a lot. it was so satisfying? like, just narratively speaking? and the animation was wonderful and also weirdly smooth and satisfying, and there were a lot of funny and touching moments. this movie’s about this young man named din who stumbles upon a magical teapot that holds the wish dragon long--long has to grant din three wishes, and yes, i know, very aladdin, but that said, this movie has so many original twists that it feels weird to call it an aladdin retelling. it really did feel like a movie completely on its own, which i applaud the writer and director for!

i don’t want to spoil too much of this movie, but something i really enjoyed was that din’s main wish is just to see his old childhood friend again. idk, i think we all have that one friend from when we were really little that we miss--and this movie really dug into that, as well as themes about parents wanting to do the best they can to provide for their kids, and!!! and long the dragon gets his own storyline and amazing character development too!!! i was honestly just amazed at how this movie fleshed out the characters so well and had so many wonderful themes that just made me tear up. guys. this movie’s great. highly recommend for its wonderful characters and the power of friendship. just a grand old time in general. :’))

searching

yeah...yeah, i wasn’t kidding about my crush on john cho this month. yes, i watched three of his movies within 24 hours. this movie is about david kim who’s looking for his missing 16 year old daughter, margot. this film is honestly noteworthy for many reasons, one of them being that the entire movie is told through like...a laptop screen, as in we kind of follow david’s frantic search through facetime, facebook, tumblr...which i honestly didn’t think i’d be into, but whoo boy, i was wrong. it just added to the whole addictive quality of this movie, as it usually does when it comes to anything from the thriller genre.

but besides this just being a straight up addictive thriller with absolutely mouth-dropping twists (but like...good twists, and smart twists, good god--), this movie was just...touching? there’s so many themes related to what grief does to a family (because we learn within the first 10 minutes that the mom died due to cancer), and there’s just...something really fragile about relationships between surviving family members. i was absolutely blown away by john cho’s performance as a tentative and grieving widower whose world just absolutely falls apart in his search for his daughter. this movie was just so...real because of that. like, yes, this movie has all of the suspense that you would expect this kind of movie to have, but there was also just...so many beautiful themes about grief and how far parents would go for their kids and godddd yeah no i started sobbing when the movie ended. god.

also, my bias towards john cho aside, i...really loved his character. david kim is absolutely believable, and like? he’s not just the guy putting the pieces together--he’s also the guy who misses his wife and also the guy who wishes that he was there for his daughter. he’s also the guy who pauses and re-writes all his text messages because he’s trying to be a good dad. i feel like with a lot of these suspense / missing person movies, it’s really easy to have characters who are just the stoic alpha male types--and david kim definitely had his badass moments in this movie, but like...something i just loved was seeing the vulnerability that comes with...having a missing child. being a parent. god. this movie messed me up but in a good way. i can honestly say that this movie is now probably going to be one of my fave movies of all time. highly recommend, am literally obsessed with it.

book:

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid

ohohoho………where to begin with this book. this was one of those books where i was like “huh i kinda don’t understand why people are so obsessed with this book”, but then i hit like...page 20 or 30 and was like “oh god i Literally Cannot Put This Book Down Oh No” and wound up finishing it in like three days (mind you, i only read at like...midnight these days. i don’t understand why either).

i finished this book at like 2 am and promptly burst into tears because this was just one of those books. it follows the story of evelyn hugo, a famous hollywood actress from the 60s or so and onwards. known for her intense beauty and her seven husbands, she’s now giving an exclusive interview to the young reporter monique grant, where she’s about to tell all about her life. this book had me dropping my mouth multiple times, and i think tjr can spin one hell of a story, with so many good twists and turns and intensely memorable characters. by the end of the book, i was actually mad that evelyn hugo wasn’t a real person, because i, too, fell a little in love with her and thought, i want to actually watch her movies. i want to learn even more about this remarkable woman.

but alas! she’s not real, so i don’t get to see her accept an oscar or look up all the tabloids about her and her seven husbands or her speculated (and very, very, very real) relationship with celia st. john. basically...i just loved this book. the last line made me smile and laugh and cry a little bit (actually...cry a lot), and y’know...i’ll admit it’s not totally perfect, but i’m glad this book exists, and i’m glad that even though tjr isn’t bi herself, was very adamant in this book about bisexuality being real. just. like. god. once again. mad that evelyn hugo isn’t real. it’s fine, she’s real in my heart.

#caroline talks #caroline recs

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collecting-stories · 4 years

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Invisible Strings - John B Routledge

Request: Hi welcome back!!! I hope you are doing well ❤️ I am literally so obsessed with Folklore I would die for anything John B/Folklore. Maybe invisible string or peace?❤️

A/N: Okay so I had this finished and then re-wrote it this afternoon so hopefully it’s good...god I actually haven’t written Outer Banks in like a month.

The TS Anthology Series | Outer Banks Masterlist

✰...one single thread of gold tied me to you✰

_ . ◦ ⭐︎:*.☾.*:⭐︎◦∙._

“I always forget that this is still here.” You mused, running your fingers over the carved part of the baseboard.

John B looked over from the box he was packing, old dishware that had been given to his mom and dad when they were first married, stashed away in the house for a time that never came. It would go to the thrift shop tomorrow morning along with other, now useless items that littered the small house. On Monday you would call the realty office on the island and inquire about putting the place up for sale. John B had seen an apartment for rent, beach side, closer to Figure Eight, nicer than the Chateau and he’d suggested it as a starter apartment, something small that you both could afford.

“Where was it going to go?” He teased, walking over to you. He pressed his legs against your back and you leaned your head to look up at him.

“You could’ve painted over it.”

❖

The year that you turned ten your mom got re-married and your step-father decided to relocate the family to Tennessee where his new job would be. You cried for days over the prospect of leaving the Outer Banks but it wasn’t your decision, all you could do in the end was pack your belongings and move. In what little defiance you were awarded as a ten-year-old you climbed underneath the bed and carved your name into the baseboard. You thought about including some ominous request, perhaps a clumsily drawn ‘help me’ but decided against it at the last moment. Your mom was much more excited to be moving into what she claimed was a nice, big, house in Tennessee with your soon to be ‘new dad’. A step-up from the shoebox shack that you’d been getting by in. 

The house was sold almost immediately to a man and his young son, downsizing after his wife left them with next to nothing. Two bedrooms was all he needed and the view of the marsh was better than he expected to get in his financial state. His son was unbothered either way, sure they were moving but that only meant they were in a new house. He would still go to the same school and see the same people. Though he rode his bike passed his old house often that first year, wishing he could walk up the front steps and go through the door and everything would be the same.

The carving remained unseen until he was thirteen. His best friend JJ was trying to flip off the bed when he fell against it, pushing it away from the wall. His head landed next to the baseboard. While most kids might’ve cried from the possible concussion JJ just rolled onto his stomach to get a better look at the wall and the writing engraved in it.

“Look.” He reached up to smack John B’s arm and pointed at the name carved into the wood, “you got a ghost.”

“It’s not a ghost you moron,” John B laughed once he’d seen the carving for himself, “probably the girl who used to live here.” He’d lived with pink walls, stenciled with butterflies for a year and a half before Big John finally caved and spent some of his money on paint instead of alcohol.

After that John B found an odd sense of comfort in the carving. Sometimes he did his homework laying on the ground with your name staring back at him. A sort of imaginary friend he was too old to have. And when Big John disappeared at sea John B pulled the blankets off the bed and laid with his head at the baseboard, crying alone in his room while his uncle watched TV, oblivious to his nephew’s heartache.

That same year, while they were still combing the shoreline for any sign of Big John’s boat, you and your mom arrived back in North Carolina. You were 16 and she was heartbroken, disillusioned with love and taking every opportunity to caution you against it too. You ignored most of her bitterness, concerned only with the new house and the new life that you were expected to settle into. The cottage style home was so close to the Outer Banks that you could see the island in the distance on the other side of the bay. Your mom talked about fresh starts and got a job working for the Department of Child Services. 

It was the year you heard John B Routledge’s name for the first time. She’d come in from work every day that summer and curse about the delinquent teen. It was her greatest source of reassurance that you didn’t hang around wayward teenagers who, though still grieving the loss of their father, unsure of their place in the world now that they were alone, were expected to move on from that. 

“Placing him with a family is going to be hell. No one is going to want to put out the effort for two years...I’m sure he’ll skip town the second he turns 18.” She would bitch over a bottle of white wine. 

“He could stay here?” It was a pointless suggestion. Your mother would likely strangle him in his sleep if he lived with you. 

“Absolutely not! I’m not a charity.” She had taken up social work only so her psychology degree wouldn’t be wasted but you thought maybe some people did belong behind a desk, in a cubicle, somewhere. Certainly not caring for children.

Either way you weren’t too bothered to listen to those stories. You liked the thought of John B Routledge. He was like some character in a book, too good to be true. His story sounded sad but he didn’t. His life wasn’t a boring repetition of school and work and friends you didn’t particularly like. He was above all that. Like a Jesse Tuck, young forever, stuck on some magical island that you could see but never be a part of again.

After graduation that all changed, just as life was starting to change. You got a job working in a beach front surf shop on the island. It was your first big strike out into the unknown and your mom was less than thrilled that you would be living in the Outer Banks until college started in the fall. But you’d saved enough to rent space and someone had listed a room available online. The ad boasted lots of outdoor area and featured a picture of a hammock and a VW bus behind it.

“How do you know that it’s not some ploy to traffic young women and take them overseas or down to Mexico?” Your mom had pestered you as you dragged your suitcase out of the house to meet the Uber that would take you to the ferry. Away from boring hopefully. At least for a summer.

“I‘ll let you know if I end up overseas.”

“This isn’t funny!”

“You’re being ridiculous mom, I already texted with the kid who owns the house, he’s like my age.” You replied. Someone named John had texted you after you emailed about the room. He seemed nice, he was funny, no red flags had gone up in your mind. The name hadn’t even occurred to you. It’d been a few months since you’d heard any mention of your mother’s tormentor.

It was JJ’s idea to lease the room. The two needed extra money and working the docks or waiting tables or mowing lawns hadn’t cut it. JJ had two jobs to support his half of the rent and John B was working all kinds of hours when JJ suggested that they split it three ways.

“Get a renter in here, it’s perfect.”

“Yeah okay,” John B agreed because he wanted to keep his dad’s house and that seemed like the most logical way to go about it.

You weren’t what he was expecting when you arrived. Having never rented before he’d spent more time making sure you could afford payments than he had finding out any details about you at all. But you stepped out of the car regardless and the immediate sense of nostalgia hit you like a wave. You didn’t mention that you used to live here and John B was too focused on getting through the tour of the shack that he didn’t even register the name you gave him.

“This’ll be your room.”

And just like that you were in each other’s space. Like two timelines fusing together, one of you had swerved and tangled your lives into a mess of summer and shameless flirting and parties on the beach. You realized early on that this John was your infamous John B Routledge, teenage outlaw, sadder in real life than you ever gave him the range for. You liked talking to him late at night when JJ was already passed out or lingering close to him at parties. Everyone, his friends and your new, adopted friends, knew that there was something there but none of them realized how deep it ran. Even you didn’t.

It wasn’t until August of that summer, when John B was out and you were left in the Chateau by yourself, that you had wandered into his bedroom and pushed the bed away from the wall. There on the baseboard was the first of a million signs, the first place in your parallel timelines where your stories overlapped. The bed had knicked the wall enough times that the writing almost blended in with the other scratches but you could see your name clearly when you knelt down.

“What’re you doing in my room?” John B’s voice caught you by surprise and you turned too quickly, falling over, killing whatever tension might’ve arose from finding you supposedly snooping in his space. He cracked a smile and went to offer you a hand up.

“Sorry, I-” you let him pull you to your feet, his skin warm against yours, “I wanted to see if it was still here.”

“What?” He looked rightfully confused.

“I...carved that.”

“That was you?”

And somehow it was just a question of who had vandalized his bedroom but who had been there when he was fourteen and got so angry at his dad that he had slammed the door and jammed the lock. When he was sixteen, crying for days because his dad was missing and no one could tell him anything. When he was eighteen and all his friends were graduating from high school but he had failed out so terribly that his only options were repeat or get a GED. When you pulled up outside for the first time that summer and something in him just seemed to make sense, like all those loose puzzle pieces had figured out their pattern.

❖

“What’s the matter?” John B asked, fitting the last box of donations into the Twinkie. You had followed him outside but you were just standing on the steps, staring out toward the jetty.

It’d been four years of moving you in and out of dorm rooms, returning each time to this house. Four years of navigating dating when you already lived together, kicking JJ out when he interrupted nights you were supposed to have alone, avoiding every visit your mom ever made after she realized that the boy you were living with was the same one who’d caused her so much trouble years earlier. It was every argument, every holiday, every movie marathon, every stupid party, every lazy sunday...You’d spent ten years in that house without a friend in the world and John B had spent another eight trying to keep his head above water only to realize that what you had both needed all along was each other.

“Let’s not sell.”

“You wanna live here?” John B asked, sounding a little more surprised than he should’ve been. The apartment was everything he knew he was supposed to want but really he just wanted to stay in the Chateau with you.

“We already live here.”

“Yeah but...Heyward said there are a lot of repairs that need to be done. Electrical stuff, plumbing, new water heater, new windows, the floor needs to be-”

“John B.” You stopped him short, walking the rest of the way down the steps to meet him in the yard.

“What?”

“Live in our house with me? Forever?” You asked, watching the smile that blossomed at your words.

“Okay.”

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