#NOOOOO FUCKING WHYYYYYY

[thekingofchungus]

WHY IS THE TERRYS CHOCOLATE ORANGE OUT OF STOCK

#NOOOOO FUCKING WHYYYYYY #IT WAS IN STOCK TWO WEEKS AGO OR SOMETHING WHAT??? #I WAS GONNA HUNT IT DOWN FUCK #OK ITS AT EUROGIANT THOUGH. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME MY FRIEND. PLEASE. #note to self i take sister to eurogiant with me i browse the halloween decorations i buy a terry's chocolate orange #IT BETTER FUCKING BE THERE OKAY. #I WAS. AT BOOTS. BC THATS THE ONLY PLACE THOSE VEGAN GALAXY ORANGE BARS ARE AT BC THEY GOT RECALLED APPARENTLY #EXCEPT NO IT WASNT THERE </333 ITS ON THEIR SITE BUT IT WASN'T THERE OHHHH #AND I WAS LIKE #FUCK. THIS IS WORSE THAN THE VOID #BUT THEN i found out terry's chocolate oranges? yea they dairy but theyre 157 grams of orange choco. vegan galaxy is 100 grams of choco. #and so i went all ''i dont wanna play with you anymore'' and now i NEED a TCO. ( terry's chocolate orange. recommended dosage 20 pieces ) #please fucking pray for me on my quest. please. #eurogiant please you've never failed me before dont fail me now #also cadbury's jelly popping candy still needs to be taken into custody. #i have poprocks and a nice chocolate bar i can just have a bite of both if i dont find it BUT IT SAYS ITS IN STOCK. COME ON #chatbox #nom tag #hallohoarding chronicles #if you ask me about my opinions + stories on snacks i have. so fucking many

[hunterbunter3000]

I am a price whore, sweetheart seeing price hunch over his desk, walked up to him, standing beside him and messaging his shoulder and do that hand gestures where she slide one of her hands down his chest, aight imma dipp😗✌️

ARRHHGHHHH

Mind turning into mush and for what

BRUH after all that has happened, I feel like Sweetheart is getting bold 💀 cause honestly, she's trying to figure out if they all do like her (as Laswell said)

So she goes to Price's office, and he's so busy he just grunts permission to enter, not really seeing it's Sweetheart. She enters with his nightly hour tea that she's been giving him today cause he's so busy. She looks so sad that he's working himself to the bone (and to the shape of a shrimp 🍤) so she sighs and walks over to him, putting his tea and cookies down on his desk. She comes on his side and caresses his tense shoulder.

Sweetheart, in a low voice: Cap, maybe you should take a break.

Price shivers, her fucking hot ass voice snaps him out of his grind (YOU'RE MESSING IT UP SWEETHEART FUCKIN LEAVE)

Price: Hm. Later.

And then goes back to the grind 💀 she sighs and then has an idea.

Sweetheart: how 'bout I give you a shoulder massage! Maybe that'll relieve some of the tension?

SHIIIII BABY SAY LESSSSS

Price nods, but his mind is going BONKERS-- like omg her hands are gonna touch me, soft calloused hands, her perfume FUCK

So she does the massage, and she's actually getting in there- so much so that Price is grunting AHAHA She kinda slows down cause wtf was that? She asks if he's okay and mumbles yes, continue- so she does

She kinda gets lost in it- I mean who WOULDN'T-- his broad ass shoulders, the built muscle, THE LOW GRUNTS AUGHHH her mind just becomes hazy and her hands start to travel. Traveling to his neck, making goosebumps form along the way, slowly and gently moving down to his big chest (HNNGGGGG IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH)

Price's breath hitches cause um??? She's never done this before??? She leans into him, her chest resting on his back and her breath fanning on his neck. The small scratches from her nails is making him lose his mind. It's already lost from her fondling him, hands moving to his neck, shoulders and chest. Almost like she's studying him, how he feels, what makes him hot. Papers long forgotten, Price's fingers are GRIPPING the edge of his desk. Fuucckkkk it's been forever since he's been felt up like this.

Sweetheart, in his ear: Relax.... you're still tense.

BIITCHHHH HOW CAN HE RELAX?? He takes a deep breath, and the sigh. That this man. LETS OUT. UGHHHH rated R. Istg

If you walked in his office now, the scene is so sensual omg- Price is leaning all the way back, completely relaxed, eyes closed with mouth slightly open and eyebrows creased a bit. Sweetheart behind him, tatas pressed up against his back, head fitted between his neck with her eyes hazy and low, and her hands feeling everything. (His shoulders, arms, forearms, his chest, waist and stomach)

Sweetheart:...Are you relaxed now?

Price, lightheaded and pink: Yes...

Sweetheart, smiles: Good.

Huh? Where the hands go? Where the pressure from her chest go? Oh she got up (NOOOOO WHYYYYYY) Price snaps his eyes open and looks at her fleeting figure. Her swaying hips still keeping him light-headed.

She smiles at him before leaving.

Sweetheart: I'm glad I made you feel relaxed! Also, make sure to drink your tea while it's hot. Good night Price.

And with the sound of the click from the door, she's gone. Price can't believe what happened. Maybe he fell asleep on his desk and he had another fantasy about her? (He has had alot of fantasies about her LOLL)

Noooo, he's still up, he pinched himself. Fuck, that legit happend. And the tea is still hot... how? It felt like hours in that state of mind with her. He looked at his clock; 11:10 p.m.

....Are you fucking kidding me. (THAT ONLY LASTED FOR TEN MINUTES???MOTHER FUCK--)

Sweetheart in her room: SCREEEECCHHHHHH WHY DID I DO THAT!?!? OMG HE JUST NEEDED A MASSAGE NOT FOREPLAY OMFG WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEAAAAAA he was so hot tho- NO SHUT UP (and then cries for bout an hour)

#help me #why is this so LONG #WHY IS PRICE MY EVERYTHING #i have a thing for broad men with accents and facial hair #LIKE BADLYYYY #ITS SUCH A PROBLEM LMAO #black reader #black fem reader #cod oc #black!reader #john price #price mw2 #cod price #john price x reader #cod x y/n #141 sweetheart

[halt-kun]

My Hero Academia Chapter 406 - Understand your own quirk !

This chapter seems interesting, will we finally know if AFO is finally done for ?

Is Katchan good ?

I hope soooooo,

EVERYONE WON

WOOPS

not Ojiro and Ryukyu

they're probably against another tartarus escapee

MY BABIES ARE ALL SO STRONG AND GOOD

I had completely forgotten Eraser head and Present mic were abducted ?!?!? What's wrong with me ????

Thanks NAGANT, always rooting for the morally grey girls

Bakugou is now on par with them with ONE quirk

ALL in ONE

he's such a good boy !!! BLOW HIM UP

LIL' BABY AFO CAN'T KEEP UP

(i'm afraid)

I don't know what you learnt Bakugou but put it into words quick

INSTADEATH is a problem

I'm afraid for my boy Izuku

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I'm scared

PLUS ULTRAAAAAAAAAA

LESS STRONG THAN DARK SHADOW ??????

Endeavor, I can understand why, and All Might, yes

it's true Dark Shadow is a bad match up against Katsuki but still my boy is fast and strong

Unhinged good boy is my favourite lately

(Not talking about you Gojo)

don't destroy your body though please

it suffered enough Bakugou

HEHEHEHE HE'S THERE BEHIND YOUUUUU

UNHINGED

hitting the pavement that fast should kill you

A perfect VICTORY

FLAWLESS

NO DOUBT

I really don't have much to say beside enjoying this character arc of his accomplish

His parents are there, I would also be worried af (in fact I am)

He's reaching Midoriya's level, he's beyond Endeavor's potential and didn't fall into morally bad stuff to reach that. He's still had a few bumps along the road in term of morality but nowhere near Endeavor's level. And it was in middle school which can be rough for a lot of people

ANYWAY finishing AFO now is prone to bring a lot of good

Because he STRONK without an OP quirk stacking thing and you were so convinced of your superiority when it comes to blood lineage and quirks that you overlooked him and he's in fact leaps and bounds above you

You're like Katchan when he considered Midoriya to be below him but Izuku kept keeping up and showing him how much better he was at being a hero

Yes AFO, you're just a middle schooler in your head (a pyschopathic one at that with fucked up morals)

well now you're much younger than a middle schooler though, pre school era AFO

Oh nooooo poor second user

So that's whyyyyyy they look alike !:!!!

NICE

to annoy AFO even more and make him more pissed when he loses (thanks Horikoshi)

Next chapter, he'll loose

Git Gud Bro

GG ez win

#mha 406 #mha liveblog #mha manga #mha spoiler

[stiffyck]

i think i saw some ppl say like tcdm and liek scar/mumbo dies in the ohers arms and shit but image if they didnt imagine if one of them died and the other found them days later walking with other zombies

ANXJXJXJDSJA WHYYYYYY NOOOOO OH MY GOD. FUCK YOU PHIL WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS

#/J I LOVE THIS #OH MY GODDD #au rambles #gtws #gtws angst #mumbo #mumbo angst #tcd scar #tcd mumbo #stiff talk #asks

[ssreeder]

Consider this a mean ask

Also i think im hilarious

< 3

NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOO THIS MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD I FUCKING HATE YOU WHYYYYYY!?!?!???? @selaphina <- THIS IS PARTIALLY YOUR FAULT!!!!

You’ve destroyed me I’m done

#YOU RUINED ME #YOU ARE ALL SO CRUEL #& don’t think I don’t see the other 3-4 mean asks in my inbox #you said one thing in the discord server #& suddenly #you’re being compared to Stephanie fucking meyers #damn it max #I FUCKING LAUGHED #WHYYYY DID I LAUGH #you’re not funny #(but you’re fucking hilarious) #ALL OF YOU ARE BANISHED #PLAYLIST BANISH THEM FOR ME #TO THE OUTLANDS #to eat termites you jerks #liab discord #maaaxx #liab #ask

[pegging-satan]

Gay person (me) having a crisis because of gay ppl (bsd and jjk) WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHYYYYYY ARE YOU DODIFNF TBFBSNBDDNBDF THEY NOOOOO WHAT THE FUCKKKKK WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT. IS GOING ON

#bungou stray dogs #jujutsu kaisen

[frog-does-dumb-stuff]

NOOOOO FUCKKKKKKKKK. WHAT THE FUCK WHYYYYYY

#frog says shit #tumblr #WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!! MAN. WHAT #WHY. #FUCK OFF. KILL

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here bestie and I know I'm early but I just saw the first 4x02 preview and my science brain activated rage mode. Did Liz just say the words "ionized proton"??!! Together??!! Like ionized can be used as a descriptor of a proton??!! You can't ionize a proton assholes because 1) it does not possess any electrons and 2) it already is a fucking ion!!! Writers, I'm begging you, pick up a 10th grade chemistry book and read it 😡😡😡.

Oh nooooo! I know nothing about science and also I haven't seen the clip but I know YOU know science so I will trust your judgment that they are once again being ridiculous. Whyyyyyy would they keep doing storylines about science without having someone do like, some basic googling about what the words mean? I'm sorry you're going to have to sit through more incorrect science jargon this season!

On the bright side, there is new merch tonight so regardless of whatever shenanigans are going on in the show, at least I have that to look forward to (though my bank account vehemently disagrees with me)!

I'm still on vacation today and will be driving home aaaaaaaall day tomorrow so I might not be around much until Wednesday but I have your other asks and I'll be getting to them when I can!

#my sweet nonnie friends #sleeping at last anon #roswell nm #roswell nm my behated #i know nothing about what is coming up on the show #but i was really hoping we could not have to listen to liz say 'the science' in every single sentence this season #though when they get more specific they are wrong so 🤷🏻‍♀️ #as per usual no one wins here

[thermesiini]

nooooo shes gonna fuck her surrogate work fatherrrr whyyyyyy

#they already said it like twice nowwww its gonna happeennnnnn

[ghooostbaby]

Nooooooo wtf I found a scrap of joy today watching the anime no. 6 and

(spoilers for a 2011 anime coming up haha)

ONCE again got The Fear it was going to end sad I'm on episode 8 and FUCK FUUUUUCK NOOOOO I don't think I can finish it now whyyyyyy why can't you make the dystopian gays be together WHYYYYYYY

nezumi just ... leaves shion??? and it ends?!!?!!

VERY glad I found out before seeing it and got my heart ripped out on The day of the year I really need that to not be the case...

#no. 6

[silverislander]

glad i don't have my camera on for this class bc the instructor just said "when i see people looking at me i assume they're listening and have done their work"... trust me when i tell you if i am staring at the screen?? that bitch has not in fact done her work or listened at all, she is zoned tf out and has been for 15mins minimum

#whyyyyyy is sitting still and looking like im focusing so much more important to people than me ACTUALLY BEING FOCUSED #if i am looking away from the screen i am probably fidgeting!! that means i fucking care about what im trying to learn!! #if i am moving around its bc i camt focus sitting down #its not fucking hard to grasp #just. hhhhhhhh i am SO fucking done with the way my profs expect us to behave in online classes #its just not possible for me to both look/act like a model student and actually learn and get good grades #wish i could get fucking diagnosed but nooooo it doesnt affect my life #sorry im just super salty all my profs have been up our asses abt having cameras on 'if possible' #so they 'know were paying attention' #levi.txt #adhd

[reaction2whatever]

Agents of SHIELD S3E12-S3E14 reaction

So I'm already in the latter half of the season. Can't believe how fast I binged this show lol. I'm obsessed.

Agents of SHIELD S3E12

-Ok. This alien warm thingy can possess people, get access to their memories, and is immune to inhuman powers

-Just Splendid. upgraded evil Ward is even more creepy.

-Hunter calling Daisy and Lincoln "shake n bake" will forever be funny to me lololol

-I'm very proud of Daisy awwww she went from "I'm a monster and everyone's at risk" to "Terrigenesis made me who I was supposed to be"

-She's come a long way in terms of self-acceptance

-Creel?? Isn't he dead? He died after touching the obelisk didn't he???

-I don't like Talbot...he's just...a whole mixed bag of sexism and racism and condescending with that "clothes from another culture is a dress and I don't wear dresses" comment...just overall ignorant and annoying. Maybe it's supposed to be a comedic moment but nah I don't accept that

-Had to admit tho, this spar between Daisy and Lincoln Sexy AF.

-Lincoln is a lucky man to be pinned by Daisy smh

-I love Hunter. He's a smart man for bringing weapons lol

-This fight between Lincoln and Daisy is mmmm

-I mean I can understand both sides honestly. Both Lincoln and Daisy have valid points so I'm neutral.

-But the way Lincoln said"I wasn't hacking my way through life" is pretty hurtful, especially to Daisy who only learned hacking to find her parents and worked really hard to become a competent agent before getting her powers.

-It's perfectly okay to have a disagreement on something but mmm... maybe i'm overthinking this lol

-I never get tired of seeing Bobbi beat up a man lol

-waiiiiittt excuse meeeee Daisy did not just took off her clothes like that omg she's way too gorgeous and way too hot to do that I CANNOT handle it

-Lincoln you lucky lucky man

-Also why do I feel like Daisy is the dominant one in this relationship since she kissed lincoln and she pinned him and she took off her own clothes....just a thought lol

-ughhh just when I thought Ward couldn't get grosser and creepier. He just did. yuck

-Where are Hunter and Bobbi going??

Agents of SHIELD S3E13

-wtf why is Bobbi former shield and captured what just happened

-Lol the way she ordered a burger while being interrogated

-Is this gonna be a Bobbi and Hunter centered episode? ahhh I'm thrilled.

-Hunter is captured too lol and talking about mushrooms. This is gonna be a rescue mission episode huh

-awww Bobbi and Hunter never went on a vacation together?

-I like the dynamic between them. They are both just such fun characters

-Thinking about Daisy saying dirty talk in Russian and that's oddly hot

-Hunter's first name is Amadeus? lol did not expect that

-"Your weakness is each other" awww I know they're in trouble but still. I think Bobbi and Hunter might be my favorite couple on this show

-"Come on Daisy you can hack the Pentagon and shake the earth. You are gonna let a few backwards letters trip you up?"

-I love Bobbi

-I also ship Daisy and Bobbi lol

-Inhuman politician and a coup in Russia...This won't end well

-I love the conversation between May and Hunter. It's very in character

-Love hacker Daisy she so cute ughh

-I have a thing for smart ladies lol

-The way two Russians are having a meeting but speaking English to each other. just does not make any sense lolol

-Oh I love Daisy fighting alongside Bobbi way too much

-ohhhhh fuckkkk so Hunter saved the president and he still got arrested?

-and Bobbi is also arrested for killing the Inhuman Russian general...

-But yeah Coulson is gonna save them right?

-Oh no what's going on why won't they escape

-This theme is going too somber to save them

-Holy fuck nooooo are they leaving the show?????

-I mean I'm glad that they get to walk free but...

-"It's the Spy's goodbye"

-oh no they are really leaving

-The way I got so emotional

-But they are such good characters???!!!

-Whyyyyyy

-ugghhhh crying rn

Agents of SHIELD S3E14

-I'm still not over Bobbi and Hunter leaving.

-LOL the way Daisy cannot follow the sciency talk between Fitz and Mack and call them the nerd herd

-Her Skye humor is still there and I love that

-Seeing Simmons blames herself for the Inhumans Andrew killed is nice

-Not that she should lame herself, but that it's nice to see that the previous events have effects on the characters and that they were given the time and attention to react. Makes these characters more human

-omfg how cool and badass is Daisy when she just stopped a whole car

-just LOOK AT HER and THAT SMILE

-Daisy Johnson Ma'am you are gorgeous and please step on me

-I can feel Fitz judging Daisy's actions and frankly I don't really feel bad for the guy

-Also I don't think Fitz gets to criticize Daisy for breaking two windows when he helped open a portal to let the body jumping super creepy monster warm that looks like Ward got to earth lol

-Also two windows are nothing compared to a whole ass building

-I miss Fitz's little drones. Feels like they appear a lot less recently

-Oh no Fitz can't die of this sticky bomb thing right???? Is Fitz gonna get a cool scar on his neck?

-Oh no they thought Mack was an Inhuman. I worry for his brother lol

-There is no way they are gonna kill off Mack but his brother is a minor role and in real danger right now

-That shotgun axe is pretty cool

-I still miss Bobbi and Hunter. Are they really not coming back?

#agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. #agents of shield

[hillchill]

ACS S03 E05 AKA the big boring continues

The previous episode closed on Bill at the foot of the merital bed: no trace of Hillary here and now.

FML they portray Jake Tapper’s date with ML, her latest bit of interview with him makes even more sense now

They namedrop Kavanaugh among the Starr staff and they make him say “I never like to take *no* for an answer.” (!!!)

It’s made clear that Whitewhater alone couldn’t have been a basis for impeachment because of lack of proof.

They namedrop a couple of the usual suspects (as in WJC’s other, previous relationships, like Mary Jo Jenkins)

WJC’s character gets to list the women in his cabinet, which has always been a point in his favor in my opinion (i.e. he has always seen women for their intelligence too and he has not based his judgment of their achievements on their attractiveness)

Whyyyyyy why the fuck are you calling ML in the middle of the nighttttttt??!!

Uh, Juanita Broaddrick… they kinda stayed away from controversy, <I wonder how they’ll handle her, now they’ve introduced her

Going after the women’s previous sexual history (see PJ here), was apparently one of the dirtiest tactics WJC’s lawyers used. That’s a shame.

If everyone hated Linda Tripp, why does she have so many people at her Christmas party?

ML:“the only people that know [of the affair] are my closest friends, my mom – but she doesn’t even know any details- and Bill and you!” [YOU TOLD YOUR MOM??!! URGH]

I never knew Linda’s tapings were illegal, glad that came up. Also, the actor playing her lawyer was Hodgins on the show “Bones”, glad to see a known face around.

Conway… dammit, why is every 2016 player also involved here? Isn’t the USA a damn big country?

Bill is eating a sandwich like a goblin

Bill’s gifts to Monica are pretty much pathetic … a high schooler could do better

AAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhh nooooo forhead tenderness [ML and WJC]? NOPEEEEEE NOOOOO get that away from my screen

LINDAAAAA! It’s the 90s! You CANNOT have your email AND your phone active at the same timeeeeeee! [series error!]

15 minutes left and Linda is calling Kenneth Starr’s office. Urgh

Linda Tripp is so happy to be at the centre of attention, it’s sickening

Oh they all say they “know what the Clintons are capable of” – urgh, I’m getting a stress ulcer

A guy from Starr’s office says that the jury would “fucking hate that lady” (i.e. Tripp)

Overall, still kinda boring, still lacking in true-feeling WJC, still no trace of HRC, still condensable in fewer episodes. The next ones better be a banger, because this show is narcolepsy inducing.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e103

Lmao

"I went to the year 2020. And it was heavy." Too real.

Liam is FREAKISHLY good at this lol

Meanwhile Sam quickly turned into Shaggy

Ooooo so is he pulling pieces of the planes into the real world??

Oh jeeze I don’t like that idea that the Traveler might have known about this...

[[MORE]]

Also y’all should be concerned about the crew

And how far away from the island do you have to be because they could sail away a bit and then come back in the morning.

Oh no fuck

Did the dragonturtle get it???

Oh no

NOOOOO

NOT THE SHIP

they’re fucked

RIP to the ship

I’m worried about them sleeping on the island

Uh oh the volcano is angry

"I like it, it’s a power move." Have I mentioned how much I love Veth’s and Fjord’s interactions?

Also see I wonder if he knows they’re conspiring against him

He’s the worst, I can’t believe he was just going to dump some of his followers off

I’m glad he was reassuring to Jester at least, but... feels bad, man.

Also stop being a coward and fight with Jester, butthead.

Oh good, he promised

I love how Matt has apparently just forgotten this is communion and they’re just talking

HE PUT TUSKTOOTH ON THE MOON that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen

Someone hug Jester

Everyone group hug her please I’m begging

Mmm I wonder what he needs jade for

So the fog is because he’s fire in water which makes steam aka a vapor that could cover the whole island right??

BEAU

No

GODDDD

Oh my god Caleb this is so sweet!! I’m gonna cry??

Omg he had a cat?? A real cat??

I’m emotional

"It’s good to look back, even on the painful stuff. It lets you see how you’re different, how you’ve changed. It’s good to look back."

Nobody wrecks me like Veth and Caleb wreck me

Stoooooopppppp I’m EMOTIONAL

Goddamn Liam O’Brien

I am having the most feelings

Ohhhhh boy I’m nervous

oh nO

Phew okay they’re okay

I hope they figure out what to do soon so they don’t have to go through losing their memories again

Yashaaaaaaa

Baby girl’s got feathers!!!!!!!

Fjooooord

Of course Fjord would be the one

Ship graveyard?

Ship... storage??

Lol Liam is pushing hard for that “I’m gonna be stuck as a shark because lolz

Caduceus??

CADUCEUS???!?

BABY!!

NO!!

God whyyyyyy

Listen though I love Fjord looking out for him and how hard he fought to pull him back 10/10 good feelings

#critical role #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #spoilers

[marvelcorebitch]

i still cannot get over the fact that endgame exists

i can’t get over the fact that they took steve rogers and basically threw him into a sixty feet ravine and expected him to be able to land on his feet

like,,, alright, i love the fact that steve and peggy are together. that storyline is so adorable and i love them together. BUT it wasn’t supposed to be. at least, the way it happened royally sucked.

peggy had moved on. peggy married someone. she had a husband.

but it was completely written out when steve went back in time and stayed.

and like,,, don’t even get me started on bucky. i love steve and bucky. couple, friendship, whatever the hell you’d like to think about. but it just doesn’t make any sense. after years of thinking bucky was dead, come to find out, he wasn’t. steve finds bucky with the help of sam and THEN he just up and leaves? after all that effort? all that time to get bucky back?

maybe i’m just thinking too much into this but i seriously believe that steve’s character in endgame just sucked. i still love him. he’s still one of my favorites. but damn, would it have killed the russo’s to maybe not exterminate his character? the character that had moved on? the character who had a family with some of the other characters around him?

idk i’m definitely way too into this. shouldn’t be this invested in a fictional character.

but another quick thing.

why why why why whyyyyyy in the hell did tony have to die? tony didn’t have to snap his fingers. hulk could have done it. i don’t understand why that didn’t work. thor could have done it. he’s a fucking god. for crying out loud, you know who could have done it? the fucking wolverine, wherever the x-men was, they could have found him and got help.

speaking of x-men, where were they in the avengers movies? weren’t they supposed to “exist” in the same universe? or are the universes in marvel so screwed up now that i’m getting shit mixed up? cause like had charles xavier been up in thag shit, he could have easily used his powers to immobilize thanos for a hot second and then problem fucking solved.

but nooooo. nope. oh fucking well.

i need to stop thinking about this shit but oh my god, when i tell you watching endgame makes me so mad, i am not pulling your leg. i’m 100% to the point where if my family watches it, i just have to leave the room.

but anyway >:-)

#wow am i sorry for this shit or what #marvel #avengers #x-men #endgame #thor #hulk #black widow #hawkeye #steve rogers #tony #iron man #charles xavier #infinity war #thanos #avenger #dr strange #rant

[ticklikeabomb]

Epimetheus : Not so discreet (part 2)

Pairing : Avengers x Plus Size Reader ; Steve x Plus size Reader (potential)

Warnings : Language, Pubic hair mentioned

Word Count : 1.6k

You reached out to your anti-stress roll on, your phone and entry card before exiting your new quarters. Since your room was on the same level as the living room and right next to the elevators, you hoped no one was chilling in the common room. You were on the end of the corridor when lucky you, all the Avengers were in the living room. You face palmed yourself and thought about another excuse to leave the compound. You look at the floor like you didn't see them but Sam called you out. "Where are you sneaking to?" You let out a slow breath and turned around discovering all of them looking your way. "Oh hi, I didn't notice you guys", you lied and saw their not so convinced expressions. "Hmm I call bullshit", commented Tony and the others agreed. "So, where you going to?", asked Natasha. "Oh just going for a drink with a friend, talk about life, bitch about everyone, you know the usual." 

"And we're not invited? I'm hurt", exclaimed Wanda. You nervously scratched the back of your head and said, "Yeah well it's been a long time since I saw the friend in question, soooo", "That sounds like an excuse to go on a date", replied Bucky with a smug smile, his comment making Steve clench his fists. The elevator doors opened at the perfect timing and you entered inside quickly. "BYEEEE", you shouted. The team locked eyes with each other and after a long silence, "Anyone wants to join me and figure out where she's been wandering around?", asked Tony who stood up. "We can't do that", replied Steve in his Captain voice. 

"You telling me, you're not curious where she's been spending a good part of her nights to?", smirked Nat. "Of course he is. Look at him, he's clenching the armrests so tight that I'm afraid it might break", exclaimed Sam amused. Steve gave him a knowing look who made some of them laugh. "I'm in", chanted Wanda. The other members stood up except for Steve that was still figuring out if he should. "Come on man, I know you're dying inside to know", told Bucky. Convinced the First Avenger joined them and followed you. "You put a tracker on her?", Steve turned towards Tony. "Duhh. I put a tracker on everyone", he answered proudly, ignoring the looks of the others. 

They entered the bar, trying to find a place to sit when the room applauded the next stand up comedian. They saw you enter the stage with a bright smile on your face. 

"Hi everyone, you're having fun?", you asked and heard the audience affirm they were. "Awesome, I'm so happy to be here. All having a good time, except for this guy", you pointed at a man in the front row. "He saw me enter and immediately thought 'Oh no another fat bitch with her fat jokes'." The guy in question and some other people laughed. "Don't worry I won't. Ok maybe just one joke that will last…hmmmm… 20min", and pointed at yourself. You laughed with them until your 'laugh' turned sour. "No just kidding. I'm actually going to talk about pubic hair"

You looked at the man you pointed earlier and declared "Now you're like 'No please just tell us fat jokes. No pubic hairs, nooooo pubwic hayrsss please'. Haha, once you go hair, you won't go bear". You let the magic do its course and began. "Yeah, so I believe in the ecosystem and that's way I mostly let nature do its purpose and don't shave. It doesn't mean I never shave, no but like it's not my first priority in life, you know. The last time I decided to do the great fall cleaning…*laughs* was not so long ago, which means if you see my hand go down there, I'm not a pervert I swear, it just my hair that is growing back and it tickles." You let your hand slowly travel down and checked the people's reaction but stoped when they hollowed. "You bunch of pervs you really out here waiting for me to go for the fupa's baby hairs." 

"Yeah so like I was saying, I shaved not so long ago because I had a date with a guy. I went full hardcore and was like 'Ok I'm gonna try waxing'. It was the very first time I would wax down there, that's why I prepared my testament in advance. *Laughs* I left the guy I had the date with all my debts. That's right, what comes around goes back around baby."

"I challenged all my courage and called to the beauty institue to make an appointment. I called and then the usual : Hello, I would like an appointment for waxing, bla bla bla, and then she asked the million dollar question : Alright, Miss on which areas?" You let the room laugh it out before replying, "Well … all of them." "Alright, in your opinion how long is your hair?" You let another moment before replying, blinking your eyes frantically. "9 inches?", you joked. "I swear to good, she must have been taking a gulp of water or something because I heard here cough her lungs out through the phone. I went immediately 'Are you alright Miss? I'm joking, they're not really 9 inches.  But like baby monkey kinda hairy, not much not much." You saw the audience cracking up and smiled smugly. 

"Flash-forward the day of the sacrifice. I go there and saw her look at me up and down, trying to take the temperature. 'Ohhh bitch you about to take it honey', I thought to myself. I told her a joke again but really it was to calm myself down and asked her if she was a real pro she would manage to finish by 6pm. It was 9am ladies and gents." "Anyway, I lay down totally not feeling uncomfortable", you sarcastically. "Can you believe she saw me and went back shouting 'I'm gonna need more wax'. Like bitch, you thought this was Jaws or something…. Out-fucking-rageous." 

You saw a woman on the front row nod and pointed at her "Sis you know what's about to come right?" "I do, I do", she pissed herself. "For the fellas that have no clue let me explain the process : The beauty lady warms the wax, you lay there and begin praying and then she comes back, looks at you like the worshiper of Satan and says 'Alright here we go mwahahahah' ". "And you be there like * nervous laugh* "Oh Lord have mercy." "And then…the moment has arrived where you see that bright light and your life flash in front of your eyes, the Holy Motherfucking Grail, the first rip. *Moooooommmmmaaaa just killleddd a mannnnn*. Guys if you think I'm exaggerating, ask any woman in your life and you'll see WE ARE NOT. It feels like your soul is getting sucked out of your body." 

"It hurts", you whined and jumped on the spot like a three year old. "All what I kept thinking was 'WHYYYYYY'. I know why… for that dude. Honestly guys you don't realize how dedicated we are even if it's a first date because we too expect some D by the end of the night, especially if the date is going great. 

I think most of the guys are scared of pubic hairs", you said and made big eyes to the first guy. "You think I forgot about you, didn't you?" *Laughs* "They be like 'I'm so strong, who's the boss, call me daddy, arghhhhh wuarghhh' but then they see a hairy pussy and be all suddenly like 'ewwwww omg nastyyyy'. Come on man! You really think men, I don't know how long ago, I'm not a mathematician ok, would not hit that just because of hair. Hmmmm I don't think so José." 

"It's crazy going through so much pain for that. Of course, there are other reasons to do it : hygiene, esthetic, self-love, etc but still. I came up with a solution. I think that…wait for it… *Laughs* I think that we should test them. I mean if he can handle me with the bush I might reconsider waxing. Because going through so much trouble to get bad dick, nope I'm out. You can handle me I'll open the smooth heavenly doors for ya, if you can't…then…Welcome to the Jungle pal. Thank you so much and have a nice night", you finished your number and bowed in front of the applauding audience. 

Backstage, you let out a deep breath, happy to have made so many people laugh. The manager found you and congratulated you. "There are some customers that are dying to meet you", he told you. "Really?", you replied shocked. He nodded and told you which table. You made your way to the table when mid-way, you recognized them. You felt the heat creep up all over your body and it didn't help seeing them smirk in amusement. Your gaze landed on Steve who was timidly switching his eyes between you and his drink. His attitude told you, they heard your number. 

"Well well well if it's not our new Avenger member / secretly stand-up comedian", joked Sam. "Hmmiii, what are you doing here?", you mumbled incoherently. "We were curious were you'd go and that led us here", replied Bruce. "Great", sarcasm lacing your voice. "Why didn't you tell us?", asked Rhodes. You sighed and told them the truth, "I just wanted to have something independently from the whole Avenging thing. I love my job but sometimes it gets real hard, always being emotionally invested, risking our lives every single time and doing stand-up helps alleviate those feelings." 

They nodded in understanding and affirmed you that you shouldn't be afraid to talk to them whenever there was the need to. "Thank you guys for understanding, I appreciate it." Your eyes landed once more on Steve who looked elsewhere. The thing that the others didn't know was that the guy you had a date with was Steve. And let's say that it didn't went as expected. 

* gifs not mine, credit to owners*

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