#Not that there's anything wrong with being a wallflower mind you!!

[majimassqueaktoy]

Been thinking about Makoto again (whats new) and one aspect of her characterization that kinda gets forgotten or at least not spoken about much is the fact she's very determined? To the point of it being almost self destructive? Like yes she was sweet and kind hearted, and undeniably she was very vulnerable- a large part of her story is her having to depend on Majima but that wasn't the whole of it? When she sets her mind to something she goes for it.

She moved to Sotenbori to search for her brother, Japan was still relatively new to her, she'd lost her grandfather and her mother- but even alone against what had been a very cruel world she still tried.

Then there was what came after that- she survived against all odds, even losing her vision. she trained with Lee and became a very good little masseuse, still trudging forward- still with her goal in mind. Once she lost Tachibana she asked Majima outright if he would kill the patriarchs for her- a pretty wild thing to ask the man who was meant to be /your/ assassin not too long ago. She was told no and she said "Okay, I'll do it myself."

She marched her little ass up to Sohei Dojima and in front of those very patriarchs and all the Dojima family she asked for their heads- Did it work out for her? Was it smart? No. But she had a spine of steel and fuck if I don't love her for it.

And even at the very end we see her protecting the girl she was with, smacking both those yakuza who had accosted them, even telling her friend to run away- she'd take the brunt of whatever they were planning and she did it with a stiff upper lip. So yes Makoto was vulnerable. And yes she needed protection and help-

But she wasn't a wallflower.

#Not that there's anything wrong with being a wallflower mind you!! #Like... I really do like that. #and it's sort of nearly a negative trait with her! Because she runs into situations head first and that's another thing that I think people #can miss with her. Like she's determined in an almost self-destructive way- its easy to miss bc she's so lovely and sweet and unassuming #And I'm kinda obsessed. #Like smacking those two yakuza and telling the other girl to leave is a TERRIBLE IDEA. she is 100% in the right to smack them of course #and I'm cheering her on but ultimately that was a dangerous thing to do- but she did it. And I kinda would love to see Majima's reaction #had it not been their reunion / farewell that she wasnt even aware of #I think he'd be half smitten and half horrified- yes makoto smacking dudes is so hot. But also please dont come to kamurucho #and brawl scary dudes?? omg im gonna cry?? #Makoto's vulnerability is one of my fave things about her. The story/Majima never pities her for it- they respect that and want #to help her hold onto it and its wonderful #But Makoto has spunk is what im saying #makoto makimura #yakuza 0 #um #yakuza meta #iguess?? #this is a 2am ramble it might be GIBBERISH #anyway *shaking you* MAKOTO

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Here's a free pass for anything that feels okay

"This is ridiculous," Jason scoffed. He'd been hiding in the long bar. Nursing a drink. Avoiding the party. But now? He'd been dragged back out into the party. Where it was too bright. Too loud. And every marriage-minded mama was more than willing to marry their daughter to the prodigal Wayne son- given that Tim was an avowed bachelor and Dick was still too busy being a scoundrel.

"It's not every day you come back from the dead," Dick said cheerfully, "C'mon old man. There has to be one likely wallflower."

"Last I checked," Jason sighed, "I'd need to be introduced to them-"

"Well you're in luck," He said, waving Stephanie over. "Steph has spent WEEKS making friends all over the city. Just for you."

"This is obscene."

"And I have the perfect partner for your first dance," Steph said taking his arm. "She's absolutely the sweetest. And she'll be too shy to talk to you."

"That's something," he grunted. He'd forgotten how annoying giggling socialites could be. And he had no idea how Bruce and Dick put up with it.

"She speaks both Latin and Greek and has a divine singing voice when she can be persuaded," Stephanie said, pitching her voice to be heard as she marched him toward where you stood. Tucked away in a corner.

And Jason assessed you. Too old to need a minder necessarily but not at your last prayers. Bespectacled. And you were indeed shy. Smiling politely but it was clear that you really did prefer to wait things out.

Still. Steph had taken pains to make the introduction- he supposed it was the least he could do to squire you around the floor. Perhaps, if he danced with you it would stir some of the more timid men out of the bushes. A husband with a tidy bank account and a permissive streak would suit you.

"Your sister was sweet to think of me," you tell him.

"She thought we could be friends," he said, not wanting to sound rude.

You nod, "Of course. We could all use more friends."

Jason smiled a little, "Will you be going to the spiritualist meeting tomorrow?"

"No," you answer, smiling a little. "My Aunt has told me I'm not to go until I learn to stop pointing out their tricks."

"Tricks?" Jason asked, curious.

"Most of them are terrible charlatans you know," you tell him.

"Most?"

You shrug, "You came back from the dead," you tell him, "So they can't ALL be wrong."

#minors dni #ask answered #jason todd #jason todd x reader #reader insert #gaslamp!au

[goinginsanetostaysane]

i miss you but you don’t even remember me

we never really spoke to each other. you don’t even know what i look like but i still miss you. i was the child that randomly walked into your life and then refused to leave because i needed you. i was young and i was in pain but you were there for me. i learnt everything about you but you didn’t ever want to know anything about me.

on one day you told me you were just like an onion with ‘many layers to your personality’ and i thought that was the most fascinating analogy ever. and then i read about it in a book.

love, rosie // 2004

another day you said you were watching ‘the breakfast club’. i asked you what that was and you said, ‘obviously, you wouldn’t know about it.’ i thought i’ll watch it some day. i still haven’t.

the breakfast club // 1985

you told me your birthdate and i spent months trying to contact grant gustin through his manager just because you told me you loved watching ‘the flash’. i wanted to give you an incredible gift but ended up making an elaborate presentation. i still remember your birthday and i send you a message every year which i delete within a week because i’m embarrassed that i haven’t forgotten it when nothing of me remains in your memory. 

instagram 'happy birthday' text // 2022

you told me you wrote poetry and played basketball and that reminded me of troy bolton from high school musical. you said you also knew ballroom dancing. i thought you were the coolest person i’d ever met.

high school musical 1 and 3 // 2006, 2008

my favorite book is ‘the perks of being a wallflower’. i read this quote and started getting teary-eyed because it reminded me of you. you were to me what charlie’s anonymous friend was to him. i didn’t mean to trouble you but i guess i did.

the perks of being a wallflower // 1999

we shared a common love for cats. your favorites were grey british shorthairs with blue eyes. i’d send pictures of them to you constantly.

pictures of cats // grey british shorthairs

i am not surprised by how little i mean to you since i forced myself into your life. i’m sorry. i truly am sorry. and i’m sorry for constantly coming back into it. i’m sorry for saying i won’t do it again but still sending you long paragraphs pleading for forgiveness for being a nuisance.

sorry for writing all the songs about you // clara mae, 2018

i know i left abruptly but that was because i was scared you’d leave first. i’ve been left before so i thought it would hurt less to be the one to do the leaving but i guess i was wrong. i still miss you. and i think about you whenever i'm sad because i met you when i was at my lowest.

summertime sadness // lana del rey, 2012

- missing someone is painful. there’s always feelings of grief and sorrow that comes with reminiscing memories with them. but the most devastating feeling is when the person you miss doesn’t even remember you exist. when you’re nothing more than a faint memory of their past but to you, they were everything. you thought about them for the years that followed even though it hurt you every time they crossed your mind -

#i miss you #annie shitposts #nostalgia #love rosie #the breakfast club #high school musical #troy bolton #the perks of being a wallflower #cats #sorry for writing all the songs about you #clara mae #summertime sadness #lana del rey #franz kafka #apology letter #parallels

[daggerspared]

i wrote this very quickly trying to get the writing juices flowing for another fic but pls enjoy

-

natasha is not a woman in the habit of feeling stupid. if she does, she’ll never admit it. it’s one of the symptoms of being who she is, where she is. she’s the phoenix, the one who goes down in a blaze of fire and then walks it off like it was all according to plan.

however, lying with her feet kicked up against the wall, answering the top twenty questions for team building, she will concede that at least a little bit of stupidity is present.

it was her new wso’s idea. robert “bob” floyd. from lemoore. who wears stephen king protagonist glasses, plays a mean game of pool, and has a belief in ice breaker games instilled by four years of high school band camp.

and maybe they’re both a little drunk.

“biggest fear?” he asks, voice still light with laughter from her answer to ‘childhood crush.’

she scoffs. “diving into the deep end, huh, floyd?”

“i mean, we’re supposed to be able to read each other’s minds,” he says, “and how am i supposed to trust you just based off the fact you like olives on pizza?”

he’s not as much of a wallflower as she thought. smiles with a frantic sort of energy, wipes his hands on his khakis compulsively, but has an answer for every comment and didn’t even falter as he explained extensively why teleportation is the best superpower to have.

he grows, if you give him the space.

she hums, mind working.

snakes is her go to answer. it’s acceptable enough that people don’t give her shit for it. real enough that no one tries to call crap. common enough that no one sees too deep into anything she doesn’t want to see.

“um, i don’t know,” she says, “pass.”

he rolls his head to face her. his glasses squish against his face and the floor. “that’s cheating.”

“you can’t cheat at a bonding game.” she turns to meet his eyes. they’re blue, darker than they looked underneath the bar lights. more like the ocean, less like the sky. “what about you then?” when he opens his mouth to respond, she cuts him off. “wait, no, let me guess... big parties? getting shoved into a locker?”

it’s a cheap shot, at his glasses and unassuming presence, and unfair of her given everything she’s learned about him in these last few hours. she feels a bit like jake for it, but bob seems to take it well enough, rolls his eyes and lets the corner of his mouth pop up.

“you’re not wrong about the parties. i don’t really do crowds. i like people, though. talking to them.” after a beat, he adds, “like this.”

“that why you were so nervous at the hard deck?”

his shoulders scrape the floor in a shrug. “everyone seems to know each other. i do kind of feel like i’m in high school again, trying to find somewhere to sit in the cafeteria.” he looks up at her, quirks his lips in what she’s starting to recognize as mischief on him. “hangman’s regina george, of course.”

that startles a laugh out of her, bright and bursting in her chest. the imagery of jake and javy in pink cardigans and mini skirts pops into her mind. she snorts.

bob gives his own amused exhale at her reaction.

"don’t be scared of hangman,” she says, after she’s calmed down. “his ego’s over the hard deck, but at least he can back it up. you learn to live with him.”

bob shakes his head. “i’m not scared of bagman.” she smiles at the nickname. “i’m pretty scared of you,” he admits.

usually that’d be satisfying to natasha—the wary way rooster eyes her when he’s done something stupid, how payback never bets against her in pool, fanboy taking extra care to get her coffee order right—natasha trace is a woman living in a man’s world, and she’s spent her entire career trying to make it her own.

but maybe she doesn’t want bob floyd, who is easy to overlook but whose grip was firm when he took the pool cue from her, to shy away from her like that.

don’t let me overlook you.

“don’t be,” she says.

-

phoenix is not a woman in the habit of being stupid. she’ll go down with her mistakes in a blaze of fire and then walk it off like it was all according to plan.

but there was that split second in the cockpit where she thought she was going to take bob down with her.

that was the mistake. that was not in the plan.

it’s maverick’s voice, finally getting through to her, you can’t save it, eject, eject.

it feels like admitting to something she hates.

“phoenix,” a soft voice interrupts her thoughts.

instinctively, she turns, despite the room being so dark that she can’t make out anything besides a vague, blurry outline on the bed next to her.

bob speaks again, “phoenix. are you okay?”

“yeah,” she says, voice steady. “are you?”

“a little banged up and i can’t seem to sleep.” she can hear his smile. “but i’d almost say i’m too good to be true.”

she exhales through her nose. “after that ejection, us being alive is too good to be true.”

“yeah, that was scary—”

“i wasn’t scared,” she says, sharp. more compulsion than anything.

bob doesn’t say anything. he waits for her.

“i’m not— i’m not afraid of that.” she takes a steadying breath.

she thinks of phoenix, it’s on fire, don’t— she thinks of phoenix! bob! punch out! punch out! she thinks of we’re going down, phoenix! but most of all, she thinks of bob, there in her backseat, until she finally called it, eject eject eject, just a hair short of tell it to his family.

“i am a little afraid of you.”

“what? me?” she still can’t see his expression.

“yeah,” she says, “you.”

#bobnix #platonic or romantic really #natasha phoenix trace #robert bob floyd #top gun maverick #blu posts #my writing

[buckybarnesss]

Your answer about misogyny in this fandom is so accurate lol. I have my own shipping preferences and I do think some romantic plot lines are totally nonsense and forced but I keep it to myself. The thing is, Bo and Din have a very interesting and well build dynamic, Bo doesn’t exist just as a shadow for Din and they are both complete in their own. I’m not a shipper myself but I just can’t see the issue there, it’s nice, healthy and slowly build and not something that is there just to be. There’s nothing wrong in shipping well written and complete women with male characters with whom they have a nice partnership and work as equals (and it serves for Jyn and Cassian as well)

jyn erso and cassian andor are narrative mirrors. andor has multiple parallels drawn between the two. yet jyn is the one more loathed by fandom than cassian. especially now that andor exists because it significantly deepened his character. there is an outpouring of compassion and understanding for cassian despite him being exactly like jyn a lot of times yet jyn is derided at and offered little sympathy or compassion as a character.

din and bo-katan start at opposite ends of their narrative to meet in the middle. they are changed by each other and come to a greater understanding not just of each other but of the world they live in. bo-katan is affected and touched by din's respect for her father, for his devoutness to his faith which in turn inspires her and din becomes more open minded to what it means to be a mandalorian. however, like we see with cassian din is offered far more compassion by the fanbase. i love him but he's not an innocent wallflower. he's done some shit or did we collectively forget him disintegrating jawas and actual people with the amban? and he does rule-lawyering like a boss. bo-katan rightfully gets called out for her death watch history but there seems to be a lot of wilfull misunderstanding of what happened with mandalore. she didn't so much fail as there were coups supported by the empire and helped by empire loyal clans. the way people act you'd think she killed satine herself.

these are interesting dynamics and partnerships. people will be drawn to them and see possible romantic potential. there isn't anything wrong with that but if one doesn't ship it romantically that is also fine there isn't any need to get in the tag and be rude about it, you know.

#my blog #rebelcaptain #dinbo

[itzalizeyyy]

hii I go by Alizey when online ! (ali - zey) but you can always just call me Ali or Zey for short !

A little late but here a little introduction about myself ! lets get into it ‼️

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

About me:

• 14 🎈

• Freshmen 🥳

• Scorpio ♏️

• Lgbt 🏳️‍🌈

• She/her ✌🏼

• Love anime ! Anime I have watched are promised neverland, erased, haikyuu, one punch man, death note, etc.

• Love style / fashion . I absolutely love doc martens, flannels, varsity jackets, Jordans, cargo pants, etc.

• books are life. I have read: The Hate U Give, Concrete Rose, They both die at the end, The First to Die at the End, It ends with us, It starts with us, The perks of being a Wallflower, The outsiders, etc.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Things I know:

* Law of assumption

* Non-dualism (recently learned)

* Reality shifting

* Void state

* 3d / 4d concept

* Any tips / advice in general

Really, you can ask me anything, and I wouldn’t have a problem answering or giving you any advice. But if it something I am not educated on, I definitely let you know.

My main thing I am following now is non-dualism. That will be my main topic on my page. However, I still respect other concepts and don’t mind helping / guiding you with them !

ASKS I WILL NOT ANSWER:

It has come to my attention there are quite some asks I will not answer for the reason that the ask is too repetitive and have been answered countless of times and have many blogs about it already.

“Why can’t I see my desires?”

“How can I manifest?”

Basically anything else that traces back to the physical/manifestation. This is about non-dualism since it has nothing to do with manifestations in the first place. If it is about manifesting topics, then i understand.

Backstory / journey:

Its a rollercoaster. My journey of realizing all of these interesting topics took place in a span of two years.

I learned about reality shifting first in late may / early june in 2021. I learned about it through tiktok which was very full of misinfo. I legit thought that I had to drink gallons of water in order to shift 💀 I know now that not true but at least I was hydrated 🤷‍♂️

I quickly left shift tok and went on other platforms which were Amino and Reddit. I created a lot of posts about reality shifting, scripting, affirming, Motivation, void state, and really anything on both platforms. I was on Amino for a year and 196 days. I am not sure how long I was on Reddit, most likely about a year.

In the beginning, I overwhelmed myself a lot with shifting. I did a lot of unnecessary methods in short periods, put symptoms on a pedestal, had a hopeless / negative state of mind, and it just became an obsession.

That all changed when I learned about an amazing creator that went by the name Vanilla on Amino.

She shifted and enter the void over hundreds of times for years. And she made many posts about the sub-consciousness, void, awareness, etc.

She was the first person that introduced me to the 3d / 4d concept and how natural awareness is. And now looking back she did help me and many others, but I made the mistake of idolizing a blogger / teacher.

I had this mentality where nothing she said was wrong. That was not true. She preached about something called a “ time gap” between the 3d and 4d. Meaning the gap between what you have (3d) and what you want (4d).

I understand that whatever concept, or mindset you want to follow is completely fine and individual. But my mistake was only putting her teachings and beliefs on a pedestal and I ended up limiting myself.

I am no longer on Amino or Reddit. Shifting Reddit was pretty toxic in my experience. I never had problems with amino in terms of toxicness. It's a wonderful community and I learned a lot of good things there. But I sort of became burnt out of all the posting on amino so I left to better help myself and my mental health. And now I am here on Tumblr and it is a great community from what I can see.

I knew about the law of assumption and Neville Goddard for about a year, I posted about it, but never fully committed to it until recently. But now I discovered non-dualism, and I just felt like that resonated with me more.

And that is basically my chaotic journey. I never really felt skeptical or felt like any of these topics or concepts were far-fetched. I mean even before my reality-shifting journey I knew about astral projection and lucid dreaming, and I just always had this feeling that there has to be more than just being human. This just can’t be all there is..yk? It just felt so limited. And when I learned about these topics, well I wasn’t really surprised.

Advice

My biggest advice is to follow what resonates with you the most, and maybe that could even mean not following anything at all if that is what benefits you. I would also say to embrace the journey, to embrace self-discovery, because once you are living the life of your dreams, you may still look back to your journey, and cherish those memories and perseverance that you showed and all of the change of perspectives that you had. I get that it is hard to be grateful for anything here if you have unfavorable circumstances, bad experiences, unhappiness, etc. but I feel like there only exception to be grateful for, is you, awareness. Be grateful for your own nature, power, potential, abilities, etc. Don’t just give credit to bloggers for helping you, but also give credit to yourself for being able to take in the knowledge, to be open-minded, to let people influence your thinking in a good way, and to let that open opportunities for you.

Regardless if you are a reality shifter, astral projector, lucid dreamer, law of assumption lover, non-dualism learners, or whatever it may be…we all have one thing in common and that is that we all awarenesses, and these concepts are helping us realize our most natural and true selves.

That is all I gotta say. a few non-dualism posts will be coming up soon ! as always take care <3

#void state #lawofassumption #reality shifting #shifting journey #loa blog #loassumption #non dualism #non duality #nondualism #nonduality #loa #conciousness

[itsizzydizzy]

Cold Shoulder Pt.2 (Ghost x f!reader)

Summary: A continuation of Ghost and new 141 recruit "Angel" on her first day and linger feelings they are left with after there few interactions.

a/n: idk if anyone care about a part 2 about to the blurb I wrote forever ago, but I finally got the urge to write more. I'll probably continue, but when is up to fate at this point. I also apologize for my grammar.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

Eventually you found yourself out the office of the Captain, where Soap left you mentioning he’d see you for dinner soon after. “He’s expecting you, so just head on in. He don’t bite” He called before turning the corner. 

You gazed at the door plotting your best angle of entry. You got comfortable around others easily, but you were weary of starting off on the wrong foot. And barging in had never been your style, nor your expertise. Raising your hand to knock on the door you let out a long breath gathering your courage. 

Just as you start to knock on the door your fist makes contact with the broad chest of the masked lieutenant you only just met hours before. “Sorry sir, I … I was knocking when… the th-door opened-”

Before you can say anything else Ghost simply grabbed your wrist, you realized embarrassingly was still on his chest, and lowered it back to your side. He didn’t spare you a glance from what you could see as he brushed past you down the hallway.

Left stunned outside the Captain’s office the next thing you heard was “Oh the Lieutenant isn’t much for pleasantries. Come’n have a sit.” Finally crossing the threshold of the doorway you found yourself across from the Captain Price you had heard so much about. The sudden awkwardness that runs through you has you void of any words as Price finds your file on his desk. But as he flips through your file the worry you thought was rising within you is replaced with the subtle shock of ease you find.

Price glances up at one with a smirk, “Don’t worry, you're not being interrogated, just like to get to know the newcomers.” You don’t want to get your hopes up, but see you just the few moments you’ve talked to Price why Laswell speaks so highly of him. Very few if any of your superiors in the past were ever so casual and offered respect without routine bootlicking. 

You almost asked Laswell to resend the recommendations she told you she had put out for you to be promoted to the few available positions various task forces she thought would be a ‘good fit’. She had always been there to be an advocate for you but more often than not the needed push when you rather had become just some wallflower. So when she pushed you to the 141, convincing you your talents would be wasted otherwise. You accepted having to put up with the usual song and dance of military social circles, and got on the helicopter with a wary glance at Kate one last time till you hopefully crossed paths again.

But now you found yourself thanking Kate for her kindness and for her adamance for you to come here. You knew Laswell trusted Price and you trusted her. Maybe your awkwardness was a budding of trust, that you hadn’t known since meeting Kate. 

Letting out a slight breath you give a quick smile and tell Price, “Well, what do you want to know?” Seeing the Captain relax back in his chair loosen the tension in your shoulders and head.

With an inquisitive look he asked, “ So how come they call you Angel?”

The new found ache Ghost in is the only thing he can focus on between his breaths and steps down the hall as he leaves Price’s office. 

It's enough that the next mission is three weeks away and his mind was already drowning under the weight of his duties. But having to add another cog into the machine. Another life. You. 

Price was not keen to lean into his request for a smaller, more convert team for the upcoming mission, “Simon no need for you to bear anymore weight, that’s why we're all here.”  The words rang through his head the moment the Captain said them, ordered them. The footsteps Ghost heard down the hall cutoff any reply he had. And he could have done without the reminder of you being here as he left. 

But the ache wouldn’t leave. Even with every furl and flex and furl and flex by the time he made it to the mess hall for dinner it had made no difference. He thought it best to leave for his room, but that decision was cut short by the yell of “Oi Ghost!”

He’d get hell from Johnny if he was too aloof, and Ghost had little time to deal with it these coming weeks. Stepping into the mess hall he ignored the stares of other recruits and b-lined to Soap and Gaz. Furl. At least it was just those two at the table. Flex. Sitting down he barely heard their comments about his ‘ebbing and flowing appetite’ and Soap’s remark on his gaunt face followed by the sergeants' roaring laughter at his cleverness. Furl. 

It’s not that the mask kept them from seeing anything, but kept the worst of Simon in. The roaring in his head that he didn’t need anyone else to hear, or that’s at least what he had been telling himself. Flex. Because if everyone saw him as Ghost there was no issue with him just floating around in moments like these. But the expectation for Simon would be different. Furl. He could lead his life at an arm’s length as Ghost, and that was good for him. Flex. As long as he kept everyone at a distance he would make it through these next couple weeks and the mission and no attachments would-

“Oh, shit, L-Lieutenant, I didn’t mean to drop my tray on your hand, I’m so so sorry!” You said. You. Ghost hadn’t even noticed Gaz and Soap calling you over to join, or you sitting down across from him. He furled his fingers in from being trapped under your tray, raising his gaze to your’s.

“No harm.” He said flexing his fingers on top of the table before retreating blew the table. Furl. The sheepish smile you flashed only made the ache in his hand increase. He had to turn away from your face and hope for relief. Ghost tried to focus on Soap asking about your meeting with the Captain, but your response about a phone call or something cutting it short slashed through that. Flex. From your banter with Gaz and quips with Soap the roaring just increased, he took all his will to focus on the space between you and the sergeant. Furl. But every sentence you spoke the cadence rattled through him pulling his focus. Flex.

But before he knew it the three of you stood to dump your trays, and as he turn to make his way finally to his room-

 “Lieutenant, um, do you want my orange?” You say bearing it in your outstretched hand to him.

“I’m good” Ghost said over his shoulder. Furl.

“I just hate having the toss it is all and also hoped it could serve as a small apology for all the times I invaded your space in the span of an hour.” You rambled offering the orange up again. A small part of you was hoping he would just leave and save you from the blackhole forming in the pit of your stomach. His eyes flicked down to the fruit then back to you. You must have seemed like some poor soul presenting a meager offering to an benevolent god from the way that stare burned into you.

But by some mercy or grace he reached back to grab your offering. His hand not only engulfed the glowing orb but most of you hand seemed to be swallowed to. The gloved tips of his fingers brushed your palm giving you the closest sensation of touching the untouchable. You hadn’t realized your breath was still in your chest since his gaze had met yours. 

And as you released the air back into the open it in turn released his presence. Like your wind had blown him back to wherever he was going or had come from. Like he was never there. 

But as you turned back to the dish line to dump your tray, furling your fist you could still feel the streaks that seemed to linger on your palm. Trying to hold that feeling, that something had been there. 

The sun had long set, coating the base in a blanket of darkness, but Ghost’s room was anything but dark. The source on his nightstand, that seemingly glowing orb. Even turned away from it the light of the fruit burned through his chest. Sleep never came easy, but tonight was impossible. 

Sitting up on the end of the bed, Ghost stared at the orange. Christ, Simon it's just an orange. But even that thought did nothing to lessen the burn its present held. It was stupid. To let his focus be drawn onto something like this. Reaching over and clearing the way to the trash in less than two steps Ghost held the orb out to its final descent. 

The ache returned, his hand finally locking up turning to stone. He could feel it over take him slow building in his chest, but there in his fingertips fire burned. Even through his gloves life or awareness or something sparked into his very being. Only made more real by the eye contact you held with him. It wasn’t a glare, glace, or judgment. It was just a look, one he hadn’t experienced. 

He looked at your peace offering, its weight increasing with each passing moment. Throwing it in the trash would only serve as a visual reminder of its weight dragging down to deepest trenches. God, Simon it's an orange. 

And as his fingertips punctured the skin the ache ebbed. Shifting it to his other palm the energy flowing in his fingers began peeling back the skin. As each piece dropped to the trash, that weight that he had felt from the afternoon slowly lifted. His chest rose and fell, enough so he walked back to his bed and sat on the edge. And with every breath in and out he could chew and swallow each slice.

No light burned through his chest and the lift weight had him rising towards the surface. Slowly but rising. 

But as his head returned to his pillow the light coat of frost still coated his fingertips. The memory may linger, but it will fade. Something told Ghost it wasn’t going to be easily erased though. 

You offered. He accepted. He had cracked open a window to you so soon. Maybe too soon. 

#ghost x reader #simon “ghost” riley #call of duty #simon “ghost” riley x reader #cod x reader #cod fanfic #ghost #cod mw2 #ghost fic #babygirl ghost

[therattsden]

I had a Caroline drabble idea where the concept only really worked if I genderbent Cave, so have some Caroline and Cate. Sort of.

The Assistant

Caroline was known for many things. A ‘diligent work ethic’, A ‘motherly instinct’ towards her sick and dying boss, the ‘beauty’ in each expression and flip of her chemically scented hair. Wherever she went, they spoke of how well she blended into the crowd, into the company, into Cate. A modern day wallflower.

That’s all she was. The dutiful assistant. Quiet and unseen. Calm under pressure. Her personality fit the bill to the untrained eye. Create the meetings, the emails, the arrangements, keep everything orderly and neat. She could do that. It was all she was known for. That was fine. It was better to be useful than not, to be seen and heard when it mattered. She would also have a spotlight someday, somehow. Caroline just needed the right time to shine.

At least there had been plenty of things to learn from Cate's shadow over the decades, even if she practically managed the company on her own. Mrs. Johnson was the face of it, the perfect cancer-riddled body, but Caroline was the mind, the liver, the backbone, anything that actually functioned instead of just sitting there looking pretty and coughing up a lung. That was fine.

Caroline sat at her desk, quietly working on some paperwork so sweetly plopped there and abandoned by a few employees last minute. Prim. Proper. Legs crossed at the ankle, fingernails painted Mrs. Johnson’s favorite shade. The perfect assistant to the woman who could do no wrong. Sure it was time to clock out, but not for her. Never for her. There was simply too much to do and no one else willing to do it.

It flashed in her mind. All of the late nights in the office, chugging coffee, pushing paperwork, human rights, herself, all out of the window for the woman she once admired so wholeheartedly. This was and would always be her life if Cate's decree became more than expected but demanded. Robotics, all the way into eternal servitude while Cate sat in Hades laughing at her…

No. Aperture would be fine, no, BETTER in her careful, steady hands. Did she need to wait until Mrs. Johnson died to figure that out? No…

It wasn't fine.

But it will be. Soon enough.

"Folks, I've got some news." Mrs. Johnson's tone was heavy, yet also empty in a way it had never been over the microphone before.

"Usually I'd make some joke about good news versus bad news, or this being about the recent round of layoffs, but no. I'm afraid this one's serious."

She let out a heavy sigh.

".... Caroline's gone. Now, I know what you're thinking; Cate, what's gonna happen to the company without her? She was the backbone of this facility! And believe me, I get it - I wondered the same thing when I heard. But rest assured, she left all her notes and things behind, meaning someone else can pick up right where she left off. Things should run just fine from your end, barely a hiccup in the production line!... But, if any of you need some time to grieve, there'll be a counselor or something sent around the departments to listen on your smoke breaks."

She paused to regard the crowd gathered beneath her, studying their faces through a stoney gaze… Then she coughed once into her fist, before perfectly manicured nails waved the group off.

"Well. Those smoke breaks aren't for a while yet, so get back to work."

Doug stood awkwardly among the front row of the crowd that had gathered to hear her big announcement in person, dragged there at Henry's insistence. Caroline was gone? What had happened to her? It must've been bad for Mrs. Johnson not to explain at all… Was it a lab accident after all these years, or had she left of her own accord? Why now?

As Doug chewed on his thoughts and cheek, he couldn't help but feel that something was… Off. Obviously the disappearance was strange, but even Mrs. Johnson herself; the shape of her face was just slightly too pointed, her hair a little too blonde, put up a little too neatly (when had he last seen it look styled?), cough a little too forced. It was… Unsettling. But maybe it was just the light so harsh behind her?

He tried to scrutinize a little further as she walked away, but Henry had other ideas, smacking Doug on the shoulder in what he supposed was a friendly, coworker manner yet still made him jump.

"Hey Doug, what're you staring at?" Henry asked, looking between him and the retreating Mrs. Johnson. "You heard her, time to get back to it."

Doug blinked, rubbing the hit shoulder before looking over to him. "... Nothing. Let's go."

Surely it was nothing. He was paranoid, that's all… It was pretty harrowing news after all. This was just his imagination. It was fine.

#Portal #Genderbent #Caroline has a fucking moment

[yourfavoritehorseman]

Confessions: A Jason Todd (Red Hood) Oneshot!

A/n: This is primarily self-indulgent fluff I wrote as a little treat after a stressful Thanksgiving situation. Enjoy!

-----

It's always easy to tell when Jason Todd has something on his mind. His family might say he becomes even more explosive than normal, but that's false. When Jason is truly upset, he grows quiet. Calculating. Those beautiful eyes lose focus and he seems to look past you.

There's no doubt he has something on his mind now. He was barely answering to what you had to say as you both circled around the Gotham fair, only sparing you the occasional nod or half-hearted smile. You suspected maybe it had something to do with the fact his siblings had decided to tag along, but perhaps you'd said something that had ruined his mood? Or, more likely, he was tired of the swarms of people and too much noise that had dampened his spirits.

Dick, Tim, and Barb had disappeared somewhere in the lengthy lines leading to the food truck. Meanwhile, you walked the grounds with Jason following leisurely behind you. He pretended to be taking in the sights as well, but the expression on his face never changed from being deadpan.

Sighing, you stopped and turned to face him. "What's going on with you tonight?"

Jason cocked his head and looked at you in a way that made your stomach jump despite his strange mood. "What do ya mean?"

"You know what I mean, Todd. You've been quiet tonight."

"'Not really the best place for conversation, is it?"

You huffed. "No, but you've been such a wallflower. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, y/n, you haven't done anything wrong," he sighed.

"Fine. Then let's at least try to enjoy the rest of our evening."

You turned to walk away, making a quick scan for his siblings. Truth be told, you'd been hoping to sneak away with Jason from the beginning. The date had started off promising, but the pleasant feelings tapered away after he had won you one of the oversized stuffed bears and now you missed having the support of the group.

"Y/n, wait. I'm sorry. I'm not very good with this kind of thing," he said, raking his hand through his hair.

"Good with what, exactly? You didn't have to come tonight if you weren't feeling up to it. I would've understood," you say, still scanning the crowd in an effort not to face him. It was easier to be angry with him that way.

Jason heaved a deep sigh. "That's not what I mean. Will you just look at me for a second?"

You relented by glaring at him out of the corner of your eye, but this didn't suit him. Gently, he placed one large hand under your chin and turned your face towards his. "Listen here, you little shit. I just wanted to you that I, huh, I love you, y/n."

#red hood #jason todd #oneshot #sweet #confession #date night #gifs #drabbles #y/n #reader

[mossyscavern]

Flowers in mount Todd, part 7.

___________________

Tom doesn’t feel like continuing the game.

He doesn’t know why... but he doesn’t want to continue. Last year him and his siblings were dealing with a very rude, very confident raven haired boy.

Not only did he take his and his siblings items for “the ritual” but he’s said things that offended not only him, but his siblings as well. It made Tom mad and hate the living even more for it.

Next year when the red head came blindfolded, he thought this human would be the same, just as rude and confident as the last guy... but he was proven wrong the longer he watches him.

It was his actions that made Tom think otherwise about this human, even saw him whispering to himself about visiting their graves to give back what’s theirs.

The longer the human survived their siblings wrath, the more Tom wants kept a close eye on him so he can learn more why he’s intrigued about this human.

But he has to quickly go back to the waiting area before he’d been spotted by his siblings and probably the human himself, so he didn’t really see much.

Leaning against his tombstone after coughing up a bunch of wallflowers, he began wondering what he should do. Normally it’s his twin that helps him decide, but this time he made a decision all on his own... but he’s stuck.

“Tom. There you are.” He heard, making the dark brunette look up towards the voice. “You didn’t show up after your recent kill, so I thought I’d check on you.”

Tim answered before Tom could ask. “Is everything alright?” Tim asked, all Tom did is nod his head, not saying a word towards his twin.

Tom didn’t want to bother his twin of his troubles, especially his recent problem so he didn’t say anything. “Yeah- no. I know that nod, what’s bothering you.” Tim asked, Tom’s eyes widened at those words.

With a sigh of defeat, he told him he doesn’t want to continue for a while after his recent kill, explaining how he doesn’t feel well each kill every time.

Tim listened intently, not missing a beat. “Is that all” he asked, arching his brow under the comedic mask. “It’s just-... I’m having second thoughts about this human.” Tom added, hoping he wouldn’t have to say more.

“Mhm, do you want to talk about these thoughts?” Tim asked, Tom shook his head and turned away from his twin, not wanting to change his mind.

Tim nodded, ruffle his twin’s already messy hair and said in a very soft voice. “I’m here for you if you need me, let me know if you change your mind.” He told him, giving him a hug before leaving Tom alone.

The bell chimes in the distance and he still doesn’t feel like playing wick, he just... wants another hour of being alone.

“Tom!”

He heard from a distance, sounding like his alone time will have to wait. Especially if it involves Lilian. He looked up to see Lilian flying as fast as possible to get to him.

“Lilian, what’s wrong?” He asked while limp running, wondering what made his sister panic so badly. “I-I don’t know, it happened so fast I didn’t want to find out I needed to get help as fast as possible-.” She said way too fast for Tom to keep up.

“What’s going on?” Tom asked, a bit nervous at his sister’s panic. “It’s that human! Somethings wrong with him!” Now this information confused Tom, what is wrong with the human that got her worried. “What do you mean?”

“Tom... I think the human is dying.”

___________________

Yeah it’s definitely gonna be more then 6, probably 12 parts...

I’m sorry I’m just having a lot of fun with this au.

#wick #wick hellbent games #wick 2015 #wick horror game #wick au #candlebrace shipping #hanahaki au #wick tom #wick tim #wick tom weaver #wick tim weaver #wick lilian weaver #I’m having way too much fun with this au it’s not funny #like... c’mon! it’s isn’t supposed to be this fun #but it is! #I’m very sorry it looks a bit rushed #I didn’t want to keep you all waiting

[hshouse]

Not a money question, but I think you said something about being willing to give career advice a week or so ago as well, so I want to ask for help on that.

In my line of work, connections (especially familial ones) seem to be everything. Like, getting promotions and the job you want depends on who you know first, luck second, and credentials maybe third. I managed to get into the job I want by sheer luck and pretty good credentials, but I want to get far in this field.

The thing is, I'm incredibly shy, introverted, socially anxious, and painfully awkward in social situations and work gatherings. I tend to be a wallflower, and when I do try to be more outgoing, it just ends up getting awkward or me saying something wrong/embarrassing. I still try to go to all work events though, but it's just so hard for me to be with people and make connections when there.

And it's frustrating seeing other people get preferred sometimes just because they're the son/daughter of this-important-person, so sometimes, I get dejected and don't even bother.

I'd love to read your advice on what I could do to either (1) get further in my career despite my lack of connections; (2) help myself get connections in my field; or (3) not be so awkward in work events, because I anticipate going to a lot in the foreseeable future.

Thank you!

Hi bby,

Congrats on getting the job!!!!!!!

So, for the lack of connections my best advice is to (1) do good work and (2) build connections. At the end of the day, people want shit done well. So do it so well, so fast, so efficiently that people will want you on their team because it makes *their* life easier. I am a true believer in hard work. It gets rewarded 99% of the time. For 2, humans have a recency bias: we give more weight to things that happened recently. So it is never too late to build new connections. Sure, having a “my daddy is” is invaluable but people generally are really attracted to hustlers that are passionate about getting the job done. When you work with someone new, a simple email saying “hey I loved working with you. My name is X, I do Y so if you ever need someone for z please hit me up” can go a long way. I’d start by trying to find a mentor. Someone who is 40 up. Older people really like young people that ask questions about them. Once you have one someone you feel comfy with, ask them to make the introduction to other people. Like “I have been meaning to talk to X and I know you know her, would you mind introducing us?”

For being shy, I don’t think that is an issue. There is a difference between being quiet and being forgettable. Make sure you are not forgettable. You do that by making every interaction you have memorable. Be the kindest, most helpful and cheery person. It’s legit acting. I like the saying that you can do anything for a few seconds. You don’t need to go to a 3h happy hour. You truly don’t. But you do need to make work related interactions as nice as possible. I truly believe in faking it until you make it. Like do it as a true social experiment of acting. Don’t force yourself to FEEL happy/loud/excited, just act like it. that’s wayyyy less pressure and quite easy. Start observing people you think are extrovert and learn the indicators. I am really good at controlling my face to convey something and people think they are reading you (but you are actually intentionally making certain gestures/faces).

Idk I think if you hustled your way into this job, you don’t want to let it escape your hands because you are shy. You gotta face this as an extra requirement of your job: learning how to behave in a way that fits in. I haaaate work related social events so I go to very few but make sure I am seeing and heard by the right people. I’m 10000% sure that if you asked anyone from my job they’d say I go to all events. I go to maybe 1/3 of them. Be strategic about the ones you choose. go to important ones obvs but also the ones less stressful to you. So I go to all cocktails but I skip all “group activities” kind of events.

Overall my advice is to start being strategic and intentional about your behavior. Detach yourself from the parts that are hard to you. I used to feel so much guilt for not enjoying socializing w my peers. But I don’t. I do it like I check my emails every morning. It is a necessary part of my job and I treat it as such.

#also idk your situation #but lexapro helped IMMENSELY #with my social anxiety #and my worries about other people #and how they feel about me #I simply dont caee #now

[tomatoluvr69]

Jasmine?

jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?

Ooh, i really like this question!! What comes to mind immediately is a handful of books I really connected to and loved when I was a teenager: Salinger’s Catcher In The Rye and Chbosky’s Perks of Being A Wallflower, which I read the summer before and after ninth grade, respectively. Both I really loved, I related to Holden in that special way only a very sick teenager can; I went to the teen-age psych ward a few months later, coincidentally lol. But I know in my ripe old age (🙄) I would find the magic diminished if I read either one again haha. Same goes for The Secret History and A Little Life which I read around age 18/19 but might not find so special now lol… partially bc dark academia has become sooooo…u know. Not that there’s anything wrong with pretty pictures of bookcases and sandstone gothic revival school buildings with the saturation turned down and whatnot, I like them too, I just think I’d find it a little bit exhausting because of how thoroughly its copycats have ground it into the dust of meaninglessness idk. It’s just not for me anymore, even if I loved TSH when I read it way back when in my distant (🙄) youth. I also have extremely low patience for anything set in college now that I’m done with that part of my life bc it was so hard for me, it’s gotta be showstopping lmao

See also: any mystery where I already know whodunit 🥲

Films: Spoorloos/The Vanishing (1988), Au Revoir Les Enfants (1987), The Nightingale* (2018), All Quiet On The Western Front (2022) come to mind though none of those are set in stone

*note: NOT a Kristen hannah adaptation lmao

#asks #ask games

[fehlicitaes]

independent multimuse roleplay blog for various characters of various media. includes both canon and original characters. some canon divergence and headcanon based. written by ande / 29 / she/her they/them / of indigenous descent / est. 10/11/21 / revamped 2/21/23 / pri. sel. & mutually exclusive / do not follow if you aren’t 21+ !

                       𝑰𝑵𝑭𝑶 / 𝑹𝑼𝑳𝑬𝑺 * 𝑨𝑺𝑲 𝑩𝑶𝑿

please read rules before interacting / please do not reblog my posts unless stated otherwise / if you do not practice reblog karma, do not reblog memes from me, reblog them from the source / this blog will be iconless.

i will be VERY selective with the blogs i follow back. please do not follow if you have no intentions of interacting ! i will softblock people who follow me first and go a month without any attempts at reaching out ! i prefer to be able to talk to my rp partners ooc so that rping doesn't become stale ! if you can't speak with me ooc, this is not the blog for you !

BLOGROLL: partysheart ( mike wheeler ; low activity ) ; rebelcliche ( nancy wheeler ; low activity )

MOBILE MUSE LIST / QUICK MUSE INFO UNDER THE CUT !

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS:

ESTRADA-VASQUEZ, MIGUEL / 35 / CRIME OC / PRIMARY / FC: KEVIN ALEJANDRO / open-minded. honest. caring. a goodhearted, emt & firefighter raised in a life of crime that he tries time and time again to separate himself from, despite being continually pulled back into it for his medical prowess.

ROSSI, DIANA / 30 / CRIME OC / PRIMARY / FC: BETTY GILPIN / resourceful. brave. passionate. a hitwoman for hire who was raised up in an mafia family in new york & tried to get away from that lifestyle only to still wind up doing crime to make ends meet.

LIFE IS STRANGE / TELL ME WHY:

CAULFIELD, MAX / 18 / CANON / PRIMARY / FC: ALEXIS BLEDEL / adventurous. creative. curious. an aspiring photographer who moved back to her hometown to attend the academy of her dreams & got more than she bargained for upon reuniting with a childhood friend & trying to make sense of her newfound rewind powers that she acquired while saving her friend's life.

CHEN, ALEX / 21 / CANON / PRIMARY / FC: BRIANNE TJU / empathetic. artistic. imaginative. a reserved girl who discovers she has the power of empathy & can feel other people's emotions—sometimes to the point of detriment—who reunites with her brother after eight years, but her world is turned upside down by his sudden & mysterious death.

RONAN, ALYSON / 21 / CANON / TERTIARY / FC: VICTORIA PEDRETTI / curious. creative. responsible. the younger twin by five minutes to her brother, tyler, & the more reserved of the two, alyson struggles to navigate life once they're separated after the tragic death of their mother.

RED DEAD REDEMPTION:

ADLER, SADIE / 31 / CANON / SECONDARY / FC: LAUREN GERMAN / brave. impulsive. resilient. a widow who is hell-bent on taking revenge upon those who killed her husband, is relentless & afraid of nothing & no one, & the wrong woman to cross, but very loyal to those she loves.

GASKILL, MARY-BETH / 22 / CANON / PRIMARY / FC: ALYSON MICHALKA / hopeless romantic. imaginative. compassionate. a kind, good-natured young woman, which makes her the perfect criminal & by the time people realize they've been duped, she is already on her way home with the money.

MARSTON, ABIGAIL / 22 / CANON / PRIMARY / FC: DANIELLE CAMPBELL / clever. adaptable. dependable. an orphan who grew up scraping out a living in dive bars & brothels in the west, she is a strong, straight‐talking woman who has seen a lot of life & knows what it takes to survive against the odds.

STRANGER THINGS:

BYERS, JOYCE / 41-44 / CANON / REQUEST ONLY / FC: WINONA RYDER / clever. hard working. generous. a loving, hard working mother who takes no shit & would do anything for her loved ones, even if it means going into the depth of hell & risking her life for them.

HOLLAND, BARBARA / 18 / CANON / TEST MUSE / FC: SHANNON PURSER / reliable. supportive. sensible. a wallflower who would rather keep her nose in a book than go to a party, who tells it like it is, no matter how unfavorable, wants to escape the small town she grew up in & resident mom friend.

HOPPER, EL / 15 / CANON / REQUEST ONLY / FC: MILLIE BOBBY BROWN / reliable. loyal. compassionate. a girl who escaped a life of abuse and captivity, found friends and family in those around her, trying to navigate the world around her after being sheltered for twelve years of her life & just wanting to be happy and live a peaceful life despite always having to save it.

MAYFIELD, MAX / 15 / CANON / TEST MUSE / FC: SADIE SINK / capable. brave. determined. an outlier in a whole new world, away from what she's used to, trying to figure out where she belongs, burning up the roads with her skateboard, & dealing with the grief of constantly losing the people in her life.

SINCLAIR, LUCAS / 15 / CANON / TEST MUSE / FC: CALEB MCLAUGHLIN / level-headed. intuitive. idealistic. an awkward teen with a big heart, trying to find a healthy balance between his nerdy interests and his athleticism, while maintaining his friendships & relationship & having to help save the world at every turn.

WHEELER, KAREN / 41-44 / CANON / TERTIARY / FC: CARA BUONO / hard working. dedicated. capable. a hard working mother and housewife who just wants the best for her kids, who is perpetually exhausted & wants more from life than she has, all while being stuck in a loveless marriage that she sticks it out in for the sake of her children.

THE LAST OF US:

MILLER, JOEL / 28-53 / CANON / REQUEST ONLY / FC: PEDRO PASCAL / loyal. perceptive. devoted. a disgruntled, jaded man who lost it all & has survivor's guilt, but found new friends & family to care about & live for & who he'd do anything for, at any means necessary—even the less savory types.

SHULMAN, DINA / 19/20 / CANON / REQUEST ONLY / FC: MAUDE APATOW / social. charming. affectionate. a girl raised in the apocalypse that knows what it takes to survive, what it's like to lose everyone she cares about, but still has her humanity & loves to make friends, is a shameless flirt, & tries to keep her religion fresh in her mind.

THE WALKING DEAD GAME:

ALLBRIGHT, LOUIS / 18/19 / CANON / PRIMARY / FC: JORDAN FISHER / charismatic. charming. humorous. a kid who was abandoned at a boarding school for his selfish behavior that he eventually grew out of & just wants everyone to be happy—always cracking jokes and trying to make people smile—while he secretly deals with his own insecurities.

BUCHANAN, RUBY / 18 / CANON / PRIMARY / FC: EMMA KENNEY / kind-hearted. hard working. polite. a southern belle who is as feisty as she is loving, tolerates absolutely zero bullshit, and won't hesitate to put someone in their place if she needs to, but also has all the love in the world to give—so long as that person has manners.

DIAZ-NARVAEZ, CARLOS / 44 / CANON / REQUEST ONLY / FC: EDUARDO NORIEGA / cautious. protective. intelligent. an overprotective father, doctor & group medic who is standoffish towards almost everyone but his daughter whom he cares about more than anyone else in the world & would do anything to keep safe.

GARCIA, KATE / 25 / CANON / SECONDARY / FC: JOCELIN DONAHUE / friendly. laid-back. loving. a tired, young stepmom who's just trying her best & previously trapped in a loveless marriage before the apocalypse put her into the situation of caring for her step-kids with the help of her brother-in-law, whom she develops feelings for & secretly smokes weed with.

THE WOLF AMONG US / FABLES:

BEAUTY / APPEARS MID-LATE 20S / CANON / TERTIARY / FC: AJ MICHALKA / captivating. faithful. attentive. the actual beauty from 'beauty and the beast' who left the homelands to hopefully live a better life in the real world with her husband, beast—though the two get more than either of them bargained for, going from their lavish lifestyles as queen and king to barely scraping by, being forced to live in a tiny apartment in new york.

#pinned post.

[atl-dreaming]

I wish I would have learned it sooner. 

Honesty, the brutal bold kind. The kind where you are unashamedly yourself, regardless of any outside influence. The kind where you are unapologetic of who you are and what you believe and desire and you compromise for no one. 

The kind where you respect yourself and in turn you demand respect.

I hid myself from my peers. I didn’t like being in their company. They esteemed me as the same shy and introverted person I once was. I had nothing to offer. I was the quiet one that had nothing of interest about her. 

"She's so shy." But did they know of the world running through my head? Did they even ask?

Never a date to prom or any dance of that matter. Even dropping weight and getting contacts and losing the braces didn't make that happen, but by then I stopped caring. I stopped trying.

I forged a life of my own. A car brought along independence. Independence that finally allowed me freedom and the ability to make new friends, not the people I went to school with for years who treated me like I was nothing. And from there I was smitten with the college boy 6 years my senior who had feelings for me. 

Feelings. 

Feelings from his heart or another region I was unsure of at the time, but knowing what I know now, it was most likely the latter. But try telling that to a teenage girl who has been a nobody, a wallflower for her entire life. The girl who has always been on the outside looking in, never having anything happen to her or for her.

It was the beginning of love in my mind, and I could not be told otherwise. I was convinced that I was going about things with wisdom, but my desires were so fleeting. When it all came crashing down, and blessedly so, my heart was still so wrapped up in it all. My standards rapidly falling away, my willingness to compromise growing greater and greater. 

Thank God nothing ever happened besides texts and a handful of meetings within the watchful eyes of others.

Stupid, stupid girl. 

We are truly clueless at 16.

“I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get kissed before graduation.” M ranted one night during the beginning of senior year and I had to agree. I dared to hope that perhaps I just might eventually have someone in my life that may just then grant me their affections. After all, if the college boy did, someone had to. 

He was a kind and good friend at the start and when it moved to something more, it was a dream and wonderful. For someone to finally have those affections, something I craved for so long. I remember the way my heart beat wildly in my chest when he simply held my hand. 

My first kiss shouldn’t have happened like it did, with his grip on my thighs, pulling and tugging, touching, grabbing. I consented, I did. In the moment, I felt so wanted, so desired, so overwhelmed, with his hands on me, taking more and more of what I had never given before. It wasn't all the way but it was more than it should have been.

Stupid, stupid girl. 

It shouldn’t have been that way. He knew I was nervous. He knew I had not been kissed before. It should have been been gentle. He should have taken more time with me. Why didn’t I insist on it? Why didn’t I insist on more respect? Why did I not stand up for myself?

When you’ve never been noticed or desired or wanted, having someone want to touch you and “love you” feels like the most wonderful thing. 

Oh the things, I wish I could tell myself then.

I should have put my foot down. I should have looked past what I wanted in that moment and what he wanted, rather than skirt that ever so delicate line.

I should have realized how my actions would influence the years to come.

Thank God when I ended it with him, though it should have been sooner and not after nearly 5 years. I should have wised up sooner. I shouldn't have tried so hard to make something work with someone who wasn't right for me and there were a lot of ways that he was wrong for me.

I don’t know what happened in all those years to make me finally stand up for what I wanted. I truly don’t know.

I thought no one else could ever love me. 

Stupid girl. 

I dared to hope that one day a man would want to be with me, and respect me and my efforts and work hard to build a life with me because he loved me so. Someone who would take my tears and sadness seriously and make a way for a future with me because he loved me. Someone that would put their selfish desires to the side for me, because he loved me.

I should have acted sooner to make that dream reality and not settle for less than. 

Thank God there were things that made me question. Thank God for the things that pushed me to the realization that I wasn't happy and he wasn't going to change. Perhaps, just maybe there was someone more suited for me and if not, being alone would be alright and even good.

When I finally ended the relationship and he told me that in the beginning he only cared for our physical relationship, something in me just snapped. 

It was anger. He said he loved me but he only started things with me because of the things we did together. And how it drove the knife in that he didn't love me or want me for me and who I was. It was how I made him feel. It started with mere lust and curiosity.

No more. 

No more. Ever. 

It was over. Done. Forever. I didn't let on how much he hurt me and I know he expected me to miss him and come back, but I was done, through and through.

Why he expected me to come back, I do not know, but I know he did.

I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than call some fucked up situation love.

Was it him and who he was or was it me not having self respect enough to stop the cascade effect? Or was it a combination of both?

I will not be less than for someone. I will not compromise my worth. I will not deny myself respect.

I will not be silent. I will not silence myself. I will not be passive. 

And that is what I did. It was on a date not too long after that I laid it all out on the table. My faith and beliefs. My firmness in abstaining from jumping into a physical relationship casually and my desire to wait for the bounds of marriage. 

And I won’t forget the way the man across the table stared back at me and thanked me. He thanked me for my honesty. He thanked me and told me admired me.

We kissed on the third date and he wasn’t tugging on my clothes and pushing the boundaries. He was gentle, he was kind.

It was all the things that my first kiss should have been. 

Imagine my awe. I called M that night and told her every detail in shock of how I was treated. 

And it was then that I realized how truly sad it was that I had not been treated that way before. How truly sad it was that I was shocked by respect.

Why did I not demand that honor before?

Why did I not respect myself before and in turn demand respect?

Was it simply that I was no longer dating boys, but dating men or was it because I changed?

The ending of whatever one would call 3 or so dates was amicable. He was not what I wanted and hoped for and he knew that. My beliefs and desires were not something he could adhere by and that was okay. He wished me well and we went on with our lives. 

I walked away from it with an entirely new mindset and I’m beyond thankful for him and the lessons dating him ever so briefly brought. 

The old me would have fought for it even though it was doomed. The old me would have forced it and tried to make it work because she would feel like nothing without those affections.

The old me would have been the 16 year old whose heart got broken by the college boy who felt like she couldn't live, couldn't breathe, without his attention.

That girl was gone.

It was months later that I was on a date with someone so new, still emboldened by what I wanted and what I was unwilling to compromise. 

“This is me.” I effectively said. “Take it or leave it.” and he was very much the same, unashamedly who he was as well with the same convictions and desires as I. 

I knew so soon. I knew it. 

And when several weeks later he told me he loved how honest I was and how I carried myself, unashamed of who I was and what I wanted. It brought tears to my eyes because it hadn’t always been the case. 

I didn't used to be this way.

I didn't used to have self-respect and I'm embarrassed by that.

But I do now. I learned it along the way.

#personal

[peakyblinders1919]

200

“There is no way anyone is that innocent.”

“Judgement… that-” hiccup, “sounds like judgment. Your judging me Mick.”

“I just find it hard to believe….”

“Hard to believe I’ve never fucked someone? It’s ok Mick, you can say it. It’s not a disease.”

Isaiah’s tongue grazed his bottom lip. Propped against the wall, a mere wallflower as the cocaine made conversation and vision blurry. “She’s not a prude. She knows how to use that mouth of hers.”

“ISAIAH!” She shrieked, due to the fact that she forgot he was there and in genuine response to his blunt words, blunter than hers. Not caring that they were gangsters or self-proclaimed “man whores”, she felt like she could be an open book around them. Her best friends. “Come out of the shades like the creep you are Iz. And I never said I haven’t done anything, I just said I haven’t had sex. There are other things you know.” The playful hint in her eye was ever-present, persistent as they fell on Isaiah. Lingering for a bit, her head dipped down snorting the white powder of the mirror-toped table with grace and all the shame and skill of a hooker. Whether she chose to engage in that kind of activity or not, she certainly knew how to use her body language to her advantage, tilting her head back and pushing her cleavage forward. There were certainly many perks to teasing men.

“Oh, she knows what she’s doing.” The boys whispered to each other.

“So you’ve never…”

“Never. It’s not classy.”

“Since when were you classy?” Michael teased.

“She’s classier than you mate. You’ll fuck anything with a pulse.”

Though she didn’t need Isaiah jumping to her defense, the wink she gave him in response suggested otherwise.

“I have what some would call dignity Michael.”

“You’re scared of something,” he let slip.

“You don’t get to tell me what I feel.”

“Admit it, you're scared.”

“Mick, stop. You're being a bastard.”

“No. It doesn’t make any sense. Someone who looks like her has never-”

“Mate, mate, watch yourself,” Isaiah warned, disguising his annoyance as caring friendship, a hand slipped around the blinder’s shoulders. “Just because she doesn’t want to fuck you means there’s something wrong with her.”

“So prove it. If you're not scared, do it. Do it with Isaiah.”

Simultaneously their eyes widened; hers in horror, his in pure disbelief. She mouthed an apology, begging her to understand and believe that he did not put him up to this. Deep down she knew he didn’t. She sighed deeply, taking a sip of cheery wine from the crystal goblet, watching the soap opera unfold in front of her as boys schemed in angered whispers.

“100 notes. I leave you two in here alone, and you come out a woman.”

“That’s enough Mick. That’s fucking insulting, yeah-”

“Make it 200 and it’s a deal.” She stood her guard, staring him straight in the eye. He didn’t scare her, men like Michael with closed, conservative minds didn’t scare her. Isaiah certainly didn’t scare her. Quite the opposite actually. She never felt more comfortable than around him, and that much was obvious as she looked at him and imagined it actually happening once and for all.

“You sure?” Isaiah mouthed her way, his hand keeping his drunk friend upright as he shuffled for his wallet.

“Thank you. Made a quick penny tonight, thanks Mick. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

“Soo…” she hummed, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching the moonlight glide over Isaiah’s tuxedo as he stepped back into the room.

“We don’t have to you know. You just swindled 200 notes from him, I’ll just say we did if you give me 100.”

“No, no… I… I earned this.” She laughed at his puzzled reaction, joining her on the bed.

The gravity that had always been there between them worked in full force, their lips instantly grazing each other without another spoken word. After the taste of him lingered on her lips, he guided her further back onto the bed, a hand behind her head. To say he hadn’t thought about this day was a lie, to say that he knew he would be the first person to sleep with her, well that he could have never foreseen. Nor prepared for it, so in the end, maybe this was the best way for it to happen. Drunk, thoughts clouded from the grip cocaine had on them, the forced dare, well maybe they’d have someone to thank on their wedding day.

Lips continuing to explore uncharted territory, his lips finding the dips and curves of her skin, sucking the hallow of her clavical, kisses pressed against the part of her throat where a moan escaped. Her hands played his hair, scratched along his back as she pulled him in for more. Inexperienced? No. Careful. Yes.

Playfully, her teeth grazed his lower lip, tugging gently yet with a force as to say she was in control and she was ready. It was all spurred on by the bulge she felt against her thigh. The sensation that followed flowed from her lips to her belly, heat rushing south of that until she clenched against him, in response to him. Instinctively her hips bucked up towards him, pulling away from the kiss to regain a breath of fresh air, the way her chest heaved in anxious excitement a clear sign that after all this time she was ready. And Isaiah was the one. Getting lost in those dark eyes, she didn’t know how long she knew, but perhaps she had always known. Maybe that’s why she had waited in the first place.

“Are you really sure about this? I mean… it’s not going to ruin our friendship?”

A finger on his lips was her way of silencing him, confirming that she was sure and the last thing he needed to worry about was this ruining anything. In her mind, nothing could be ruined by this.

Clothes found their place on the floor, and her hands found their home around his neck. Her mouth formed an “o” as he slowly pushed himself into her, being careful, slow, and caring. He kissed her until she adjusted comfortably and he only continued kissing her, lips never leaving her skin, as he began slowly. The feeling was unlike anything she had known and unlike anything she could have expected. She felt the sensation all the way down in her toes, curling as she moaned.

Almost as quick as it had happened it was over, leaving her to regain her breath, leaning over to press a trail of kisses along his exposed chest.

“Best 200 notes I’ve ever made.”

#isaiah jesus gif #isaiah peaky blinders #isaiah jesus imagine #isaiah peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fanafic #isaiah jesus fanfic

[haik-choo]

I don't write cause I feel I don't have a good grasp on the characters personalities etc, the characterisation of akaashi post is so helpful! 👀👀 Would you do kuroo or bokuto?

a/n: I hope you like both of these! again, if yall want me to do others, let me know! these are across the span of their life, so some may seem college-related and some may seem young-adulty! 

[MISCHARACTERIZATIONS OF BOKUTO AND KUROO]

bokuto kotaro.

clueless: i’ve stated this in akaashi’s post, but bokuto is extremely emotionally intelligent. he can pick up on the slightest changes in people’s demeanor or posture, he can tell if someone is sad or happy even if they aren’t good at displaying emotions. he’s not a dumbass -- and he can pick up on others’ limits and boundaries very quickly. despite his ability to read people relatively well, he has no qualms about pushing people out of their comfort zones and forcing them to do things they might hate at first, but will love later. he pushes boundaries according to your comfort level, and respects your hard limits. 

only positive: a lot of people write bokuto to be someone ho’s only happy-go-lucky, or someone who rarely gets sad (aside from his moods that are less sad and more discouraged), but I think that almost dehumanizes him. he gets back up faster than most, yes, and at the end of a lost game where everyone is crying, bokuto is dry-eyed. he’s the type to get home and plop down on his bed, face-first into his pillow, lips quivering and eyes lightly watering. there are times where he feels insecure, especially when he’s younger, just because he can tell he’s different from the rest. he has a feeling that people are put-off from his personality, he has a feeling that he’s not as (traditionally/academically) smart as everyone else, he has a feeling that some people find him annoying. that’s why when he’s near his close friends he’s very loose -- he doesn’t feel the need to hold back even a little because he knows that they love him for him. this translates to his toxic trait with his lover being that he feels dejected/insecure if you ever want space. while he can read boundaries, he would really benefit from a lover who has just as few as he, because then he can be his truest self.

love-at-first-sight: he’s not the type to fall in love at one glance, he’s just not. yes, he might get interested or you may catch his attention, but he’s not going to fall in love with someone because they have a pretty smile. it’s not that he’s calculated or over-thinks his emotions, he knows exactly what he feels, it’s just that his heart is a little slow when it comes to falling in love. he’s such an energetic all-over-the-place person that love is never really on his mind (he gets into some trouble with accidentally leading girls on because he’s so friendly). when he eventually falls in love, though....oh boy. he stutters, he’s over-thinking all his movements when it comes to you -- he’s usually impulsive but with you he really, really doesn’t want to screw up. he wants everything to go smoothly -- so he’s the type to plan out a confession and actually try to stick to it. when it comes to something like love, bokuto is surprisingly slow and careful, because he knows how fragile a heart is. 

never gets angry: i think most people like to imagine his anger is so rare because the image of an angry bokuto is scary, especially with his stature. and while it’s true his anger is uncommon (because he’s good at processing his own emotions and not lashing out at others), when he does get angry it can be pretty unnerving. he’s the type to slam his fist on the counter unknowingly when having a really bad fight with his lover, and he has a booming voice. he’d never hit someone, but he doesn’t realize how intimidating his physique is. anger is uncommon, but that doesn’t mean he’s not scary. he always apologize afterwards, though.

boundless confidence: i touched on it earlier, that he has bouts of insecurity, but again, i really want to emphasize that he’s not endlessly confident. honestly, maybe in the anime and manga he seems that way, but if you want to make him more human, have more life than a fictional character, you have to create limits or certain traits. bokuto is very sensitive, and the slightest thing can either inflate his ego or deflate it. plays in volleyball constantly not working may dig at his confidence, but he always re-inflates. in real life, outside the court, there are things that keep his confidence low everytime they happen. fights with his lover are one of these things; he’ll get jealous when they leave the apartment after a fight because he’ll worry about you finding someone more stable than him. jealousy alone is a solid sign of chipped confidence, something that someone as sensitive as bokuto gets every once in a while. 

overall, bokuto is a lot more intelligent than what people give him credit for. he’s honest with his own emotions and can read people very well, which is probably why he’s such a people person, but he still has flaws. he does not have boundless confidence or have no perception of boundaries; he’s unbelievably understanding. he may be initially insecure, have intimidating anger, etc. but ,after all, he’s human, isn’t he? 

kuroo tetsuro. 

sex god: don’t get me wrong, I definitely believe that he’s had a lover or two, especially in college, and that he’s played the field a little bit. but i don’t see him as the guy that has had sex with every person in his major. he’s a genuine guy and can’t have sex with someone he’s not emotionally invested in -- despite not being a ‘player’, he’s totally gotten in trouble with a few people because they think he’s leading them on when he walks with them to class everyday. 

intimidating: people always characterize him as this mysterious, sexually intimidating guy, but i just can’t see him as someone intimidating. if anything, he may be a little unapproachable because he has a really tight knit group of friends that he’s always with, but he’s not scary. he’s not the center of attention but he’s not a wallflower either, he enjoys observing people and watching drama play out, but he’s not silent and glaring all the time. he’s quite fun, he’s loud, and he enjoys embarrassing his friends in public. he’s the type to twerk in public and laugh his ass off when akaashi or kenma give him the side-eye and bro-kuto joins in. he likes to have fun, ya know? i don’t know about you, but a guy that twerks in public isn’t very scary, to me at least. 

prideful: I understand why people paint him as a prideful guy, he obviously likes what he does and has a personable personality, but honestly, he’s not perfect. he often has moments where he doubts himself because of his past decisions, his career one of them. kuroo is an amazing middle blocker, and his choice to go into sports advertisement rather than an actual volleyball league no doubt haunts him at night sometimes. he thinks of the ‘what-ifs’, and he dreams of what he could be. especially since his best friend is bokuto, a professional player, it’s often on his mind. it’s a super touchy subject for him, and if someone were to question his job-choice i have no doubt that he’d get really sour and distant from that person because he’s not sure of himself either. 

frat boy: he’s not someone who can’t cook, he’s not someone who sleeps at 5am everyday, hungover. he’s not the type of person to be immature in any way -- he’s got his shit together. i’m sure most people can actually see this, but kuroo is very responsible and realistic (which is part of the reason he didn’t do professional volleyball). he does his taxes, does his homework, gives out good advice, gets up early and eats everything that a healthy person should eat (in all the right proportions, too). he doesn’t even drink often, if anything he’s just a social drinker. he goes to bed at 10pm and wakes up at 6am to work out, no joke. he’s gotta keep that physique somehow. 

decisive: i know i said he’s responsible, but i don’t think that translates to decisive. i can see him having a lot of conflicting things going on in his life, different wants and different paths that he wants to take but can’t keep all open. it happens in love, his career, his college major, etc. he wants a lot in life, he wants success, happiness, a good love-life, everything. when he had to choose between volleyball and a life-long, stable career, he was broken for weeks. was he good enough for his dream? was it wise to chase his dream? would it be better to get more kids into volleyball, do what he did, what he couldn’t do? in his love life he always hesitates, too: does he see a life with them? how long will they love him? will they be able to deal with him once they see that he’s not perfect? is it worth it? it doesn’t matter if he’s in love or not, because his extreme caution can come off as very distant and unwilling to let you in, hence his toxic trait. he’s indecisive, scared, yet passionate and hard-working. 

overall, kuroo is full of contradiction. he wants a lot from life and is willing to work for it. he has dreams and tries to stay healthy and put himself out there, have fun, the whole shabang -- but he’s not perfect. he’s overly cautious when it comes to making important decisions simply because he can see a future with all of the different paths he can take. but honestly, isn’t everyone a little contradictory? 

#haikyū!! #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu hcs #kuroo #bokuto #kuroo x reader #bokuto x reader #kuroo fluff #bokuto fluff #kuroo smut #bokuto smut #kuroo headcanons #bokuto headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu angst #kuroo angst #bokuto angst #anon #answered