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chososdiscordkitten · 4 months

Text

✫Escort!Toji✫ pt 2

MDNI

Pt 1 here

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x afab!reader Content: NSFW, direct continuation of pt 1, no use of y/n, comparisons, toji ruins ur shirt:( toji jacks off with ur panties, oral (f receiving) Implied oral (m), protected sex, 2 pics to help picture the positions bcs i suck at writing, toji cums in his pants AGAIN, reader cleans tojis fingers after yk, starts slow but eventually is rough, sweetheart used once, he is a confirmed panties stealer, no aftercare sowy

taglist: @lostmymarblesstuff @vicravluv @mutsu422

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Your eyes blinked open, feeling the dim light of the side table flood your vision making you go blind for a second. Suddenly very cold as you clutched onto the thin sheet on top of you. Your mind flashing back to what had happened before you fell asleep.

You sat up, looking at the clock on the side table, you had slept a whole 12 hours. It was 10 am Saturday, the next morning. You fell back into the pillows as you closed your eyes, remembering what happened last night. Remembering that you didn’t pay him, you shot up to check your wallet in fear that Toji had robbed you after fucking you to sleep.

Your inner thighs sting as you rummage through your coat. Opening your wallet and seeing it was full, counting the bills carefully. Your eyebrows furrowed, seeing it was all there. Thinking it was some kind of tactic to get you to keep coming back.

You exhaled, looking over at the room as you picked up the discarded clothing. ‘Shirt, skirt, socks, bra-’ you made a mental checklist. ‘Where are my panties?’ you looked everywhere. Under the bed, under the chair. The cracks of the mattress, the trash can. Nothing, thinking up a million reasons for why and how they disappeared.

Putting your clothes on as you look out the window from the doorway. Turning around and walking out. Now came the walk of shame, or so you thought. Walking down the hallway toward the elevator. Back to the lobby, avoiding eye contact with the same person behind the desk from last night.

“Um- Excuse me!” the woman said she reached out an arm towards you. “The room wasn't paid for- the gentleman said you would take care of it.” She said, looking you over as your face dropped.

“Of course-” you said, face warm from embarrassment. Walking over to the desk and looking down to your shoes as you heard her tell you the price. Quickly pulling out your wallet and giving her the cash, almost snatching your receipt as you hurried out of the hotel. In fear one of your co-workers would see you here.

Though your coworker had a point, you did sleep like a rock. But the embarrassment after finally letting go of stress and the pent up frustration in your womb was a lot to take on at once.

Arriving at your apartment and plopping onto your bed,‘I'll never do that again’ you vowed as you looked over at the crumbled piece of paper with his phone number in it. Shoving your face in your pillows as you fought off the flashing images of him.

Face burning up as you remembered what he did, how filthy he was, and how much you liked it. A chill ran down your spine as you felt your leg twitch. Swiftly getting up to take a cold shower. The next days were the same, taking a cold shower in the morning and one when you'd come home from work.

Anytime a coworker had upset you, you felt a certain anger that you hoped would be gone if you fucked Toji again. A blind anger that made your finger scroll through your phone, writing out a text and almost pressing send. Inhaling sharply before deleting it. Nodding your head no as you remembered your vow to not to do that again.

In a more realistic way, the anger probably wouldn’t go away if you fucked him, but it would help you let out some stress, let some of the poison that pooled inside of you.

Toji was worse. Finding himself being more irritable than he usually was. Telling his clients to ‘shut the fuck up’ whenever they tried to fake their moans, irritation coated his words knowing they could never even come close to sounding the way you did.

Knowing that with his clients, they did it just to keep him hard. But you? Your whines and pleads were practically forced out of you, eye twitching whenever he remembered how you came on his fingers.

He tried to not think of you, desperately trying to forget the fucked out expression that adorned your pretty face. Not even feeling the slightest bit of remorse when he’d snatch the cash out of their hands.

What pissed him off wasn’t that they sucked at fucking, or that they had no passion in their eyes. It was the fact that they'd ask him about his day, or ask him why he's doing this. Always expecting him to fall for them, almost making him tell them to get the fuck out whenever they’d say- “You’re going to charge me?” thinking that they were so good at having sex that he didn't need to be paid.

And there was nothing Toji hated more than when they’d ask him to fuck them raw, almost shuddering in disgust at the thought. Four days had passed since he fucked you. Still, he’d close his eyes and picture you while he drilled into the many clients. Your cunt, your tits, your teary eyes, and the way you fucking smelled.

The way you didn't hesitate to let him spit in your mouth. Remembering it made him throw his head back, biting his lip as he held back his groans. But it wasn't enough, they weren't enough.

In Toji’s alone time he would think how many women it would take to satiate this deep need for what you gave him a taste of. ‘10? No- 30?’ he’d think, he could count to 100 and he would still say no.

What Toji appreciated most about the interaction he had with you, was that you didn't try to get to know him first. You didn't ask if he could stay with you after, or ask him why he was prostituting himself.

Toji liked that you came to fuck, not to talk about feelings. He'd find himself stroking himself with your panties in his hand, eyes shut tight and hand practically strangling his cock. Soft groans leaving his mouth.

Teeth clenched tightly, holding his shirt up. He knew he should’ve woken you up to fuck you again.

His hand was never enough, he felt pent up even if he came triple the amount of times that week. Toji had thought of how to get you to ask him to hook up again, knowing that if you took any longer to text him he wouldn't have any control with how rough he'd be with you.

That forgotten feeling of guilt pooling in his stomach again, thinking that's probably why you haven't contacted him. He thought ‘fuck it-’ feeling his cock harden at the thought of seeing you again. His thumbs hovering over the keys as he thought of what to type.

‘Tomorrow. 6pm. Same room.’ quick thumbs pressing the keyboard, feeling his cock twitch as he looked at the name he saved you under. Smirk on his face as he watched the message go from ‘delivered’ to ‘read’ in seconds.

You had just gotten out of your morning shower, wrapped in a towel as your cheeks turned warm at the text. Your mouth cracked open as you saw he texted first. Thinking it was odd but not unheard of?

‘Maybe he just wants his money’ you'd think, fingers hesitating to reply. ‘Okay :)’ you replied, hoping he didn't think you were purposefully stiffing him, in hopes that the smiley face would make the situation easier.

Hoping he wouldn't be pissed that you didn't pay him. That night you kept thinking about it. ‘Why wait four days to ask me for his money? Was he doing accounts and noticed a lack of it? Will my kidney be stolen if I show up?’ millions of thoughts raced through your head as you tried to sleep.

Mainly of if he was plotting some kind of great violence against you. But whispers of ‘I hope we fuck.’ in your mind as you drifted to sleep.

The next day was spent hoping the clock would go by as slow as it did the last time you saw him, but it moved at a pace that made you feel a frog in your throat and made your knee bounce up and down nervously.

What made you even more afraid to go is how you heard one of your coworkers complain about how Toji canceled her appointment. Shuddering at the thought that he was losing money just to get you to pay him.

Remembering his figure and how strong he was, hoping he would have mercy on you if he decided to teach you a lesson.

Not even bothering to go home since the time was so close together, getting out of work at 5:30 and arriving at the hotel at 5:56 pm. Your feet numb as you walked past the front desk, making eye contact with the same receptionist looking at you.

Your work heels clacking against the tile floor. Stepping into the elevator as you fixed your shirt in the reflection. Adjusting the slacks you had decided to wear that morning. Sighing as you saw the elevator stop at the same floor.

Walking passed the same red doors as last time, only this time they were quiet. Probably because it was still light out, but it didn’t make your nerves ease. Making your thoughts race even faster as you walked passed the red doors.

Your legs slightly wobble as you reach room 203. Looking down at the carpet as you hesitate to ball your hand to a fist, knocking once and pulling back to knock again. But you heard the door knob jiggle after the first one.

This time no heavy footsteps or seconds before he opened the door. Letting your hand fall as you laid eyes on him. Tall figure looming over you. Toji’s jaw clenched tightly as he looked you up and down. You stared at him in silence.

His hand reached for your wrist as he yanked you inside. Slamming the door shut as he pressed you against the closed door. Tilting his head as he looked at you, Toji couldn't keep up this facade anymore. The pent up need inside his gut made him act before he could think.

Eyes roaming your shocked face as he leaned in closer, you mouthed a ‘what are you-’ as he pressed his lips to yours. Hands landing on your arms, holding you still as you felt him slide his tongue into your mouth. Feeling your confusion as you opened yours in return. Cock twitching as his half lidded eyes looked to yours that blinked shut. Seeing your face of worry fall to desire.

Your hands went to his forearm and shoulder to hold him back as his tongue reached deep into your mouth. Spit falling from the corner of your lips as you felt Toji’s hands undo the button of your slacks.

Sliding the zipper down as you felt his hand slide up your back. Noting how this felt much different than last time. This time he seemed more needy. Hands going to the buttons of your shirt as his thick fingers fiddled with the tiny buttons.

Groaning as he felt your hand slide down his torso, towards the tent in his pants. Lips sucking on yours as he struggled with the buttons of your shirt. His groans of frustration grew louder as his fingers slipped through the openings between the buttons.

Mentally cursing them as his fingers pulled harshly at your shirt. The sound of the flying buttons landing on the floor made you inhale loudly. Pulling your lips from his as he roamed down to your jaw, sucking on your skin leaving wet spots on it as he slid down to your breasts.

Toji’s hands wrapping around you as his fingers unhook the clasps of your bra. Simple and black, seeing as you didn’t expect this to happen. His hands sliding back up to your shoulders to push off your shirt, pulling the straps of your bra off of you. His eye twitched in anticipation when he saw your breasts.

Leaning into your neck, licking your skin while he made his way down to your bare nipple. Opening his mouth as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. Groaning at the feeling of your nipple in his mouth. Sucking harshly like he wanted something to pour out of it.

One of his hands going to tug at your pants, whines leaving your lips, feeling his other hand knead at your breast. Toji’s tongue swirling around your nipple as he felt your hands shove your pants down to your ankles and kick them off along with your heels.

His ears taking in every single one of your moans, making sure that this time he would have to take his sweet time with you. That he fucked you slow, like you had asked him last time.

The hand that tugged on your pants now rubbing your clothed cunt, his middle and ring finger sliding up and down your wet panties. Whining at the feeling as his eyes looked up to you, nipple still in mouth, letting out a low moan.

The vibrations against your nipple make you cry out, his fingers rough against your panties as his hand grips roughly at your breast, his stern face was full of pleasure. Your eyes scanning his features, seeing that he was getting off on making you feel good.

Letting your breast pop out of his mouth, his lips leaving a trail of spit down your sternum as he made his way to your throbbing cunt. This time you noticed he didn't ask how you wanted him, not telling you he charged per service.

There were no words spoken, no hesitation in what he was doing. Like he had thought about this long before you got here. Thinking if he was planning on doing this when he texted you- your went brain fuzzy, feeling his rough fingers hook to the sides of your panties. But to Toji? Your dripping cunt told him all he needed to know, seeing the mess you made in your panties just from his heavy petting.

Looking up at you as he slipped your cotton panties down, seeing your face churn with anticipation as he placed wet kisses down your torso. Smiling to himself as he felt the goosebumps form on your thighs before he slid his middle finger down your sopping cunt.

Feeling your slick coat his finger, your hips writhing at his touch. Toji’s cock aching in his pants as he slipped his finger through your entrance, pinching his eyebrows together as he held back a choked groan.

Feeling your cunt practically pull him deeper into you. Gaining a whine from you as you felt how slow he was going. Still looking up at you, his head on your hand, the other holding the wall for support.

Using all the strength you could muster to not shove your cunt to his face for relief. Sliding his finger back out, feeling your hips buck up as your clit begged for attention. Taking the hint, he leaned closer. His breath against your pulsating clit made you whine.

Lip tucked in between your teeth as his lips brushed against your clit. Wrapping his lips around the bundle of nerves, closing your eyes and lightly panting at the feeling. Letting out a stifled moan as your head flew back to the door. Trying to catch your breath as Toji slipped out his middle finger and pressed it to his ring finger.

Low groans leaving his lips and vibrating onto your clit, feeling his wet digit against the other. Slipping his two fingers back into you, moans leaving your mouth as his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

Your fingers tugging at his scalp, feeling his tongue swirl against you. Toji’s thick fingers scissoring inside of you made your back arch against the closed door. Eyes closed tight as you squirmed, feeling his lips suck on your clit, his fingers pressing against the spot that made your toes curl.

Loud moans leaving your lips, a shiver ran down your spine as his tongue sped up, cracking your eyes open and looking down at him, feasting on your cunt like he hadn't eaten in decades.

The hand on the wall moving to hold the locked doorknob, feeling yourself come undone in his mouth. Thrusting your cunt into his mouth, “I’m coming-” You muttered, your grip on his head made Toji groan against your cunt, feeling himself almost cum untouched in his pants.

His lips not leaving your cunt as you let out quick gasps, moans littered with small ‘wait-’ as he sucked relentlessly. The fingers inside of you curling upwards, making you lift yourself onto the tips of your toes.

Gasping sharply as your mouth hung open, feeling Toji lift himself so his mouth would stay on your cunt. His hand goes to the back of your thigh, pulling you back down. Both your hands on the side of his face, trying to push his mouth away from your now overstimulated clit.

“Fffuck!” you moaned, looking down at him as he took another orgasm from you. Your hips buckled into his mouth as he slowed his pace. Small moans leaving your lips as he slowly slid his fingers out of you, shuddering when his lips finally pulled away from your cunt. Looking down to see him also looking down to his gray sweats.

A wet spot right where his cock would be. Heavy pants leaving your lips as you finally regained your thoughts. ‘Did he cum just by eating me out?’ your mind was reeling at the sight before you.

Hearing a shivering sigh leave his lips as he came down from what you had just forced out of him. He looked up at you, softer eyebrows than before at the realization that you had made him cum untouched. Not once in his life had that ever happened, his lips parted as you caressed his cheek.

‘Is this embarrassment?’ Toji thought, knowing that seeing you try to make him feel better only made his cock throb in his pants, and start to rise again. This time the want to fuck you wasn’t in his mind. It was something deeper, something primitive glimmered in his eyes as he arose.

Standing before you with a stern look on his face, as though you had done something wrong. Not even bothering to tilt his head down to look at you, his eyes were the only thing that were angled. The hand was just inside of you, raising and stopping mere centimeters in front of your lips.

Toji’s lips mouthing ‘Open’ as your hands clutched onto his forearm. Eyes not leaving his as you opened your mouth and pulled his hand closer to you. Placing an open mouth kiss to the tips of his fingers.

Tasting yourself and letting out a low hum. His jaw clenching when he saw you kiss down his fingers, licking up the side of them before wrapping your lips around him.

Eye twitching while thinking- ‘if this is how you suck my fingers-’ picturing your pretty lips around his fat cock, the image of his cum garnishing your face made him crack his lips open. Feeling your hand roam up to hold onto his palm, eyeing how your fingers could barely cover his palm. Just his palm.

Your lips dragging up Toji’s thick fingers, your eyes lit up with pride at how well you cleaned them. Slipping them from your mouth and placing a small kiss to the tips of them. Smile creeping onto Toji’s lips at seeing how good you were.

Almost picturing you wrapped in just a bow, a present just for him. Thinking about how he wanted to fuck you, which one of his fantasies he wanted to fulfill, looking into your eyes. Seeing you lean into his face, pressing a kiss to his lips before whispering, “How do you wanna fuck me.” Smile on your lips as you saw his eyes shine.

Smile now evident on his lips as he pressed a firm kiss to your lips, his hands pulling you from the doorway and guiding you onto the bed. His hands gently pushing you to lay on your back. Propping yourself onto your elbows and seeing him between your knees. Pulling his cream colored sweater off and tossing it.

Your lip tucked between your teeth as you scanned his physique. Toji’s fingers fishing in the deep pocket of his sweats, a flash of pain on his face when he felt the wrapper touch his hand. Holding it in his teeth before tugging his pants down, seeing his cock spring to freedom.

Smile on your face as you watched him slide the second skin on. Kneeling onto the bed, before his hands slid up your thighs. Playful smile on your lips as he pressed a kiss to them. Slowly moving you both higher up the bed, resting your head onto the pillows as his hand angled your bottom to turn over. Only he didn't break the kiss, forcing only your bottom half to twist.

Leaving you on your side, your hands holding your torso up to face him. Feeling his lips pull away from you. Hand on your ass to keep you still as you looked up at him. Feeling his cock graze your slick entrance, a small hiss leaves Toji’s lips as he slowly pushed his hips towards you. His fat tip making you whine, feeling your cheeks turn warm and wanting to turn over and put your face into the pillows.

The position he had you in made this feel too exposed. Too intimate. Toji’s hand going to hold you by your jaw, seeing you start to turn over. Low groan leaving his mouth before he spoke, “Mm, wanna see your face while I fuck you.” he murmured, making your cunt squeeze around him in response, smile on his lips as he drove himself further into you.

His hand goes from your jaw to your cheeks, holding your face tightly before pressing a wet kiss onto your pursed lips. A line of spit connecting him to you before he tightened his hand, making your lips part. Gathering spit onto his tongue and spitting it into the gap your lips made.

Everything inside of Toji tells him to thrust his cock into you, hard. But he couldn't risk it, he wasn't going to risk not having you come back to him.

Toji’s slow hips pressing against your ass, his hand on your thigh pushing it further up so he could get a better view of his cock disappearing inside of you. The hand on your face going to your tit as he pressed you to turn your upper body, more than you were already doing.

Making you let out a choked whine, feeling him start to contort your body further and further. Your hand is going to push his hip in hopes he’d look up to see your face of pain. The trance your cunt put him in snapped when he heard your moans turn to whines, looking up to see fat tears fall from your eyelashes.

Struggling to keep the slow rhythm as he leaned down to kiss you, easing his grip on your skin. His lips soothing the ache before you pulled away, “Please- Harder.” whiny tone in your words as you looked into his eyes. Toji almost came when he heard you, sliding his cock out of you slowly. Dragging the ridge of his tip past your sweet spot.

Looking into your pained face before harshly thrusting into you. Hearing a small yelp fall from your lips, quickening his pace and seeing a smile form onto your lips at his thrusts. The sound of your moans was music to his ears. The same desperate moans you had gifted him the first time he fucked you, now leaving your lips again while he drilled into you.

The sound of his heavy balls slapping against your ass made you smile even harder if that were possible. Feeling your hand clutch onto his that rested onto your thigh only gave him more motivation, to keep fucking into you the way you begged him to. Feeling his knees tire at his firm thrusts, he laid onto his side close behind you. His hand angling your head to look into his eyes.

His hips thrusting into you hard, your nose brushing against his as you felt his hand go down to your closed thighs, urging you to open them with his hand. Hooking your leg to the back of his knee. Not even bothering to separate his digits before pressing his fingers to your hardened clit, moving his hand swiftly back and forth.

His eyebrows pinched upwards as he felt your cunt squeeze his cock. Opening his mouth with a low groan when he saw your eyes close. Your hand holding the back of his head, breathing the same air as him while you came undone onto his cock.

Opening your eyes and looking at him, before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Eyes half lidded as he pressed his lips to yours firmer. Feeling his hips stutter against your ass, throaty groans leaving his lips as he came inside the condom. Slowing his pace against you, exhaling as he rested his forehead to your temple.

Raising your hand to caress his neck as his thrusts slowed, hearing Toji gulp into your ear. Trailing the hand that was on your clit to rest onto your side. Biting his lip to silence his moan when he felt your cunt suck him back in when he tried to pull out.

Unhooking your leg from his thigh and letting it fall atop the other, your face now looking away from him. Struggling to keep your eyes open, feeling his warmth behind you only made you want to fall asleep even more. Feeling his lips press a gentle kiss onto your shoulder, dread in his eyes when he slowly pulled out of you. Rolling over to lay on his back, hand resting on his torso. Turning his head slightly as he looked at your exposed nape.

The want to stay here, in bed with you, was strong. But not strong enough for him to actually stay. Furrowing his eyebrows when he felt his hand lift off his sternum to reach for you. Pulling it back before sitting up, flinging his legs off the edge of the bed. Rolling off the filled condom, noticing he came alot more than he usually did.

Tying a small knot at the top and tossing it to the trashcan next to the bed. Looking over to see your back, seeing it fall and rise as though you were asleep. Closing his eyes before standing, picking up his soiled sweats before he heard you turn over. “Before you go-” you slurred, sitting up and looking over at him.

Toji knew that this was too good to be true, here you go asking him questions- “Could you pass me my wallet?” You slouched over yourself, looking at his face.

Seeing his hands drop his sweats and go to where you kicked off your slacks. Rummaging through the pockets and pulling out a small bag, walking back to the bed and sitting in front of you. Placing it on your hand, “S’been eating away at me-” you murmured, unzipping the small bag and pulling out a money clip.

Seeing you pull the folded money from it and look at him, “How much do I owe you?” You asked, genuine tone in your voice. Seeing your face relaxed and coated with a sheen of afterglow. Plump lips and not caring if you were still naked atop the bed.

Smirk on his lips seeing you look at him seriously. “Nah, you don't owe me anything.” He replied, seeing you furrow your eyebrows.

“What? No- I took up your time. I have to pay you something.” You rebutted, turning your head slightly to show your confusion.

“Hmm- I’ll settle on lettin’ you pay for the room.” He replied, standing up and walking over to his sweats again, grimacing when he saw his mess. You looked up at the ceiling as you thought about it. ‘Doesn't he make them pay for the room and his services?’ you recalled, hand full of cash while you watched him put on his pants. Tiredness making you blink slowly as you process his words, “So I don't have to pay for your time?” You asked, once more before he left.

“You always ask this many questions?” He snapped at you, holding his coat in his hand as he looked over at you. Lips pursed in defeat, not saying anything else. Toji, feeling ‘bad’, walked to the chair at the corner of the room, grabbing the thin sheet that was always there. Unfolding it somewhat and walking over to you, placing it over your legs.

Seeing you look up at him, your pupils the size of saucers. Leaning in close to your face, smile on his face- “What's your name again?” he asked, hunched over with his nose centimeters from yours, furrowing your eyebrows at his question. Saying your own name in a confused tone, almost a question.

He repeated your name, calling out to you. Placing his hand to the side of your face, “Sweetheart?” he asked again, at this point just teasing you, “You call me anytime you need. Hm?” He mumbled, lowering his face closer to yours. You slowly nodded your head.

Closing your eyes as he pressed a wet kiss onto your lips. Pulling away and looking into your eyes. “I'll see you on Friday.” he hummed, dropping his hand from your face and turning away from you.

Hearing you mumble a small ‘mmkay’ before walking to the doorway, hearing you shuffle into the bed. Looking back to see you laying on your stomach, the money in your hand now carelessly splayed on the empty space next to you.

Hearing you start to breathe heavier, walking back and carefully picking up the cash, feeling the bundle form in his hand. The same thought from last time popping into his head, shrugging it off and stuffing it back into your small wallet.

Gently placing it onto the side table next to you before walking to the doorway again, purposefully leaving his cream sweater, knowing you wouldn't have anything to wear when you'd leave. Putting on his coat and zipping it up to hide the fact he didn't have a shirt.

Seeing your clothes in front of the door, seeing how desperate he was earlier. Not even bothering with the buttons of your shirt. Malicious smile on his lips when he saw your black panties on the floor.

Picking them up and stuffing them into his pocket before leaving. Whilst walking out, pulling his phone out, swiping away all the useless messages and missed calls. Going to your contact and changing your name on his phone, now that he actually knew what to call you.

Typing ‘203’ at the end of it. Before walking onto the sidewalk, the setting sun reminded him that these were his peak hours of work. One word filled his head when he remembered he actually had to work; Dread.

merry christmas eve!!!!!! for my fellow hispanics, this is christmas day for us. so excited to get all dressed up and hang out in the living room till 12 am to open presents. i will 100% write more for choso later, wish i could now, but i need to sleep.

#jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #fushiguro toji #toji zenin #toji fushiguro #toji x you #toji smut #toji x reader #jjk toji #fushiguro #toji fushigro x reader #toji zenin x reader #toji zenin x you #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji zenin smut #jujutsu toji #dilf toji #toji x chubby reader

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sillygoosealert · 1 month

Note

So guys don’t be like me please but basically I been neglecting my personal needs and now I cant get out of bed. I feel terrible and then I thought of something (insane right?) what if Bi Han find out reader hasnt been taking care of themselves so he takes a day off to care for them

92jinnies, please pull through for me kitten 💕

To another episode, another day blurs

Bi-han comfort, mental episode

It's been 3 days since you've last brushed your teeth

12 hours since you last up to use the bathroom

And however long since you've last ate

Maybe you won't do anything

Maybe you won't be anyone

Your throat is dry and you can hear yourself blink

The room is dark and smells of cold air

Bi-Han hasn't seen you ever since you crawled into your room and never came out

Well, no one has seen you, but he's worried

He originally thought you ran away or went off

But when looking into your old room, he saw you there

You were just lying there, listening to your breath

He doesn't know what set you off this time, you were fine

But you get like this, where nothing works out and you can't stand to be alive

So you pretend you're not

You don't bathe, you don't eat, you have trouble sleeping at night too

All you can do is exist, but that too seems too much for you

Nothing is easy, but is even harder when you aren't normal

Maybe you look fine, but something is wrong with you

But he knew that when he met you, he knew he had to help you when you couldn't help yourself

So he walks into the room and goes by your side

You motion for him to get into the bed but he just picks you up instead

Carrying you to your shared room

Then he gets on the bed, with you on his lap

He's just cradling you to take in how bad it is this time

He pinches your cheek to see if you will do anything

You hum into him, you can't say anything right now

He starts to undress you, tossing your clothes near the bed

Then you both go into the bathroom, and you get placed into the bath while he runs the water

You put your knees up to your chest and lean your head on them

‘You are tired?’

You hum to that as you yawn

Going back to bed sounds better than anything right now

He scrubs you raw, washing your hair to the best of his abilities

Your hair is tangled and possibly matted, but it could be worse

He rinses you off before putting you on the floor

He dries you off and brings you to the bed

Dressing you in his boxers and shirt

‘Stay put. I am getting you fruit and milk to help give you good nutrients.’

‘Fruit and milk?’

You're giggling, you don't know why

He comes over and scratches your stomach

‘Did you want something else?’

‘I’m not hungry right now, maybe we can eat later..’

‘Oh. When did you last eat?’

‘I don't remember’

You're curled up in the blankets, close to going to bed

‘Then I will get you milk and fruit. Please try to eat when I come back with it.’

‘Okay..’

After he comes back he makes you brush your teeth before eating, then he helps you eat

You're shaking a lot and you don't even realize it

And you have trouble holding the bowl with fruit or drinking the milk

So he holds your chin and slowly tips the milk so you can drink

Then he feeds you pieces of fruit at your own pace

After he brushes out your hair, humming into your neck when he's finished

Picking you up, he rolls around with you in his arms on the bed

Then he lays ontop of you with his head in your neck

‘I am..here for you, even if no one else is’

‘Thank you’

You're crying now

And he lets you

He lets you cry however much you need to

And he doesn't leave you

He doesn't even think about it

It's you and him

If you have 100 supporters he is one of them

If you only have 1 that is him

If everyone was against you he would stay right by your side

You fall asleep in each other's arms

Nothing is wrong

You are at peace

You are fine with being someone

You are okay with living

Then you start a family but while pregnant you are MURDERED by Kuai Liang (you know he would, he was going to kill Frost but Harumi stopped him) and it is now Bi-Han against the world. He's alone again 🎀

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aliensufo · 2 months

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Trustworthy

(mood board made by me)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Word count: 1.3k

Warnings: People being rude, aggression (small amount), ptsd(?), cursing. mdni

Summary: steve finds out how readers friends/coworkers have been treating them badly lately, leaving them out, being rude, etc.. reader comes home after a long day at work, tension built up inside them from the frustration of bad friends. they accidentally snap at steve over something wrong, breaking into guilty tears.

—~—

You had woken up in a bad mood this morning. It was a Monday so you had to get up early, but your bed was oh so warm. Once you finally dragged yourself out of bed, you burned your pancakes and caused the smoke alarm to go off. This woke up you boyfriend Steve, which made you feel bad because he was on his last hour of sleep.

He had told you to go worry about dressing and that he’d make breakfast, since he was already awake. You begrudgingly applied, walking to the bathroom to finish getting ready. Once you stepped out, you were able to eat the pancakes he made and share a couple kisses before heading for work.

You weren’t close with your co-workers, which wasn’t new. It had started when you were working at your desk, bored and ringing up prices for customers. Absentmindedly you had heard them talking about how they had a great time last night, but you kept telling yourself not to care.

You’d rather no hang out with them, so why did it bother you? They always hung out without you, talking about it at work so you could somehow always overhear. You had dropped it, not wanting to make your day any worse. You were tired, and you could care less about some dumb hangout with people you didn’t even like.

But soon, your buttons would be pressed. You were in the middle of ringing up a customer when you read their price aloud, apparently gaining Lisa’s, one of your co-workers, attention.

“Hey, that can’t be right.” She suddenly said, making you look behind you. She pointed at the price on the screen, seeming to have a problem. “That’s too cheap. You must’ve not added it right.”

“Well, let’s see.” You added the prices again, coming up with $1 higher of a price. Big deal. You apologized to the customer, taking their money and saying goodbye. Lisa looked satisfied with herself, turning to stand back by another co-worker, Alice.

“She’s so dumb. I wish the boss would just fire her already.” You managed to hear Lisa whisper, which pushed you over edge. Sure, the correcting you could’ve just been her trying to help, but now it clearly wasn’t.

The rest of your shift felt like eternity, dragging out as long as it could. You stayed silent the entire time, changing to restocking and tagging items. The clock finally clicked 4, and you could begin to head home.

You’d walked in the door and hung your keys when you headed further into the house. There was no dinner being cooked which was unusual, because usually Steve had it going by now. This confused you, but when you looked to the living room, you saw Steve laying and watching TV.

“You haven’t started dinner yet?” You said, seeming to startle Steve to sit up. He looked at you, before looking at the clock.

“No hello?” He’d said, a fake frown on his lips. You had no humor right now, just wanting to eat and relax. You were a growing flame, waiting to be ignited to your full fury.

“Steve, I just want to fucking eat. Please.” You were losing patience, but you knew in your head Steve had done nothing and didn’t deserve this.

“I’m sorry, is that my assigned duty?”

“I don’t want to deal with your shit right now.”

“No, answer my question. Why do I have to always make dinner? Last I checked you can make food as well.”

He was testing your patience, which you were losing by the minute. The weight of your day held your shoulders tense, waiting to let it all free.

“You have some fucking nerve, Steve. I’ve been at work since 7 am and all I ask is to eat when I get home! Is that the biggest fucking favor to ask?!”

Your voice raised fast, patience burning out completely and making your flame bigger. Steve just stared at you, his fake frown becoming real. Steve never backed down, at least when the other person was in the wrong.

“I work as well? You’re not the only one who’s tired. So maybe you can lose the attitude and provide what you want for yourself.”

“You can be a real bitch sometimes, Steve. What you say can be a whole bunch of bullshit.”

You saw his face instantly change, pain and resign washing over the anger. This sobered you up, causing you to step back.

“Shit, Steve. I’m so sorry…I’ve had such a bad day, you don’t deserve any of that. I just- I’m so, so sorry. Shit-“ Tears began to well, hotness on your waterline.

Steve saw this, letting his sadness away to tend to yours instead. He knew you knew why he was sad, but he doesn’t know why you are. “C’mere, honey.”

You sniffled as you walked over, falling into his lap and warm arms. The tears began to fall, a dark patch forming on his cotton shirt. He rubbed your back, other hand on the back of your head. He let you cry for around 10 minutes, throat becoming scratchy.

“Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?” He softly coaxed you out from his neck, the pad of his thumb wiping your tear stains. You looked away shyly, not wanting to sound stupid.

“It was Lisa again, at work.” You whispered, looking down and twiddling with your fingers. Steve’s face softened, grabbing your hands to stop your fidgeting. He cupped your face in one hand, bringing it up to look at him.

“What did she do now?”

“Well, first they were talking about hanging out yesterday and obviously I wasn’t invited. Then I was ringing up a customer and…” You sniffled again, not exactly wanting to recall the words. But you knew Steve would keep pushing. “She corrected my work. Walked away and I heard her tell Alice I was stupid. That I should be fired.”

His face changed again, sympathy but also anger at your co-workers. He instantly pulled you into him, holding you in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, honey. You deserve so much more. They’re just jealous, don’t realize how amazing you are. Promise. They’re stuck up and selfish. You’re better than that.” He rubbed your back again, pressing at the knots in it.

“I know but it’s just…” You hiccuped, sniffling. “It’s so hard. You’re my only friend, Steve. I can’t even be good to you, snapping for no reason…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up…”

“I know, baby, I forgive you. Everyone gets stressed, you didn’t mean to. I’m not offended. It’s just something we need to work on. But please, don’t let them get to you. It’s not worth it. You’d just hurt yourself by hanging out with them, so be glad they’re doing it with you.”

You nodded, knowing everything he said was correct. Tucking your head back into his neck, his arms tightened around you once again.

“Still…I feel so bad. The look on your face-“ Your voice wavered, horrified at the thought of it again. He pulled your face out from his neck, resting your foreheads together.

“Baby, I’m okay. I know you didn’t mean it. You said you’re sorry, and acknowledged how wrong it was. That’s all that matters.” He gave your nose a kiss, stroking your hair. “Don’t stress about it, I’m more worried about you.”

You flushed at this, looking down. He smiled, brushing away your flyaways. “Thank you, Steve. I don’t deserve you sometimes.”

“Don’t say that. We both deserve each other. Now, do you wanna have a movie night?” You smiled and nodded, standing to go microwave popcorn. Steve always knew just how to brighten the mood.

You both had settled on the couch, Steve on his side and you nestled in front. Some cheesy movie was on, Steve’s pick of course. You found yourself dozing off, the weight of your shoulders dropped. You’re heart was soothed, knowing you were safe with someone who’d always be your trustworthy friend and more.

end.

#steve harrington #fanfic #steve harrington fanfic #joe keery #steve harrington x reader #stranger things

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wandanatrules · 4 months

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can you write mission wrong + sex pollen + shy /queen size Wanda + Beefy g!p Natasha? 🤔🔥

your writing rocks!!!

Nothing I Can’t Handle

note: hey guys sorry this is kinda ass and really short I wrote it in like an hour. my winter break for college is almost over, so I wanted to make sure i got something out for you guys, but I would really appreciate it if you sent me some requests. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy!!!

word count: 1103

pairing: beefy, g!p Nat x shy, chubby Wanda

summary: Wanda is very needy after being exposed to sex pollen, so she goes to her girlfriend to solve her problem. While doing so she is nervous that Nat will find her disgusting because of her weight, but Natasha assures her just how sexy she is.

warnings: nat has a penis, smut, dirty talk, cursing, somnophilia, sex pollen, roughness, foul language, bit of angst, fluffy sweet natty

It was around 1 am when the team came back from their mission. It didn’t go so well, so they all decided to call it a night and do their mission reports in the morning. Wanda left the mission feeling weird. She was exposed to some foreign chemical that no one knew about. Since the team was tired they decided to let her sleep and deal with it in the morning since she didn’t seem to be hurt.

Natasha wasn’t needed on this mission so she stayed behind and was sleeping in her and Wanda’s shared bed. Wanda exited the quinjet quickly, practically sprinting to her bedroom. She was dripping in her panties and she needed some relief. She wasn’t quite sure why she was feeling like this. She had heard some rumors of this chemical nicknamed “sex pollen”, but she figured it was just a rumor, until now.

Wanda arrived at her bedroom hoping that her girlfriend was still awake to help with the ache between her thighs. She opened the door and became disappointed to see her fast asleep in their bed. But what was even worse was how good she looked. She was wearing a white tight fitting “wife beater” and black tight fitting boxer briefs. This made Wanda’s situation even worse, because she was so turned on by her.

“Baby” Wanda whispered into the room while getting on the bed. “Natty, please wake up.” She whined a little louder, hoping she would get up.

Giving up on hope, she decided to wake her up with a little surprise. She pulled the blanket off of her and planted little kisses on her neck and chest, before kissing her lips. She then trailed down her toned chest, kissing her abs through her shirt, until she reached the place she wanted so desperately.

Wanda gripped Natasha’s bulge through her briefs, not surprised to feel she was hard. She gripped harder and heard Natasha’s breath quicken, so she pulled down her shorts in one quick motion, freeing her rock hard cock.

Wanda was salivating at the sight, so she quickly enveloped her cock into her mouth. She swiped the tasty precum off of the tip, swallowing it with a satisfied sigh. She looked up to see if her lover was awake, but she still wasn’t so she decided to take her deeper in her mouth. She continued lowering her mouth to get more inches of her massive cock and put her hands to cover what she couldn’t fit. She swirled her tongue and moved her mouth up and down trying to get a taste of her partner's tasty treat. She felt her start to twitch so she moved one of her hands down to cup and squeeze nat’s balls. She knew her partner was going to blow soon, and she decided to kill two birds with one stone and relieve the ache between her legs.

Wanda never usually rides Natasha, because of her thicker thighs and the fact that she was a little chubby. That didn’t bother Nat at all, she knows that Wanda is so sexy no matter what and always begs for Wanda to sit on her face. Today Wanda couldn’t take it, she needed Natasha’s dick and since she was asleep, she wouldn’t be embarrassed to ride her. She removed her hands from her cock and hovered her center over her girlfriend’s prick, slowly sinking down. The sudden tight wetness enveloping her cock, broke Nat out of her slumber.

“My goodness, detka. What do we have here?” Natasha said with a smirk, startling Wanda who was too lost in her pleasure to notice she woke up.

“Oh I'm so sorry, Nat. I know i’m too heavy to do this, I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Wanda said ashamedly, hurrying to get off of her.

“No, babygirl.” Natasha said while grabbing her hips to keep her in place. “Don’t stop, you could never be too heavy for me. I mean I am the “Black Widow”. Plus I think you are so sexy baby, curves and all.” She rasped out while kissing her breasts and down her stomach.

“Now go ahead and bounce on my cock baby, I've been waiting to see how sexy you look on top of me.” Natasha slapped her ass and guided her movements, up and down on her dick.

Wanda was glad that her girlfriend was making her feel so good about her weight, but couldn’t shake the feeling that she was too much for her.

“Natty are you sure, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better.” She said while slowing down her movements.

Natasha couldn’t bear to hear Wanda talk about herself like that. “You know what Wanda.” She said pushing her girlfriend off of her, before standing up.

Wanda knew it. She knew that she was too heavy and that Natasha thought she was disgusting. “I don’t even know how someone as fit and sexy as you would want to have sex with someone like me” She said, holding back tears.

Natasha had enough. She leaned down to pick Wanda up and throw her over her shoulder, making her squeal. She walked down to the edge of the bed and threw Wanda back down onto her stomach. She then stood closer to the bed and pulled Wanda up by her stomach so she was on her hands and knees.

Forcefully jamming her length into Wanda from behind, Natasha began to rasp into her lover’s ear, while roughly fucking her. “Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that, little one. I think you are the most beautiful and sexiest woman alive. I don’t know who in the past made you feel like you were too much, but they were obviously just weak and immature. If I ever get the chance to, I'll kill them.” She said, directing her attention to kissing her cheek and down her neck. When she pulled away, Wanda turned around to look at her, giggling at the display Natasha made of flexing her biceps and wiggling her pecs.

Natasha’s sweetness had gotten Wanda right where she needed to be and with one more particularly hard thrust from Natasha and a slap to her ass, Wanda was sent over the edge cumming all over Natasha’s cock. Natasha was holding back her orgasm to make sure Wanda came first, so she now let herself go, flooding Wanda’s vaginal canal with her cum.

“Look at this mess baby, you're drenched in my cum.” Natasha said while lifting her up again. “Now you're gonna sit on my face so I can clean you up.”

#natasha romanoff smut #beefy!nat #black widow #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff angst #wanda maximoff smut #wandanat #fanfic #wanda maximoff fluff

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miss-ery-3 · 1 month

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ughhhh, i don't want my blog to turn into some kind of relationship-crybaby-blog, but i do have a lot to think about atm

i dont really have anyone to talk with about this. all my friends are in happy relationships and dont really seem to take any other stance than "you cannot break up" and that just really isnt helping me

buuuut, if you aren't interested in my personal (non-ed) issues, just scroll on<333 no hard feelings

so, for now, i'll just type this into space and hopefully get some kind of catharsis i guess

it's currently 1 am and i am in my childhood bedroom and i can't sleep. my head feels like it is fucking spinning. every thought in my head is "why do i feel like this? if i feel this bad should i just stay with him? but do i actually feel in love with him anymore? it's not fair to continue being with him, if i don't actually want to. would i miss him? would i regret it?" and then just in a big ol' loop

mixed with thoughts of my friend i talked to all of friday night. his face has popped up in my head constantly since i went home at 7 am from being with him all night. i feel fucking butterflies in my stomach, and get all giggly, and i want to say his name out loud for some strange reason - until i think about what these fucking butterflies mean and then i feel sick to my stomach and want to throw up. every butterfly i feel is like taking a step away from my bf, and i literally cannot control it

i feel like an absolutely horrible person, fuckk,brnfjkgnkmrf

'cause i also keep thinking about all the things my bf have done that hurt me (i guess, to make myself feel better?? but it makes me feel a whole lot fucking worse. both because i feel like a horrible person, and because he's made me fucking sad a lot of times)

like this summer, i got my bachelors degree (a fucking big thing for me - and he knew that), and he knew that i would have my last exam in, like, the end of june. i gave him the date as soon as i could (maybe two/three weeks ahead) and then like a week before i graduate, he remembers that he has plans with his 5 best friends to go drinking

and guess what

he chooses to go drinking with his friends. he celebrates me for like... 1 hour, 2 hours max. as soon as my friends arrived he was like "oops gotta go drinking with my friends that i can see all the time. no time to celebrate my girlfriend getting her bachelors degree, although she will never ever have a day like this again. no no, gotta go get shitfaced. and i am actually not going to apologize"

also at my last birthday, i celebrated it at my parents house for most of the day, and then went home in the evening (like after dinner) to go get drinks with my friends. we had planned that he would come home to my parents with me the day before, and then we could wake up together on my birthday and he could be with me and celebrate and stuff

3 days before my birthday, he says he doesn't want to go with me to my parents' house to celebrate my birthday, because he has to read for school (it was in a holiday as well, he didn't have school for days). the weekend before my birthday he chose to go drinking with his friends (i was ofc not invited) and couldnt get out of bed for days, but whenever my birthday rolled around he had to be an A fucking student. so he cancels and then we only see each other for the last, like, 4 hours of my birthday, with all of my friends and some family - and then he got annoyed with me for getting sad

he talks over me, he interrupts me and then never asks me what i was saying, he ignores me every time he picks up his phone, he always prioritizes friends, family, work and school over me, he's really good at making me feel small (not in the good way) and stupid. he corrects almost everything i say, also stuff that i dont say, but that he just want to "clear up". he drops plans w me so easily, to be with his friends and he almost never invites me. he insists on touching my belly although i've told him it makes me very uncomfortable, and then gets annoyed when i remove his hand - because 'he likes touching it, and i shouldnt feel bad about my belly'. he often ignores my text messages if he doesnt feel like they matter to him. when i ran my first 10K he ran 11K the next day to show off (he did apologize, but i still cant believe he actually did that shit). whenever ive met his friends and family, they are better at including me in the conversation than he is: he will leave me alone with people i barely know, to go do something else (and he knows that i have some social anxiety). he gets annoyed with me over things that he believes i do on purpose, but i dont (e.g. wake up later than him?? go pee before i make coffee for us?? when i forget socks when i sleep over, and ask to borrow some of his? same w phone charger and other stuff. and he usually ends up with saying "omg its just a joke" but i can feel that it isnt. otherwise he wouldve stopped doing it). sometimes he makes jokes at my expense or is just plain rude, and when i tell him to stop, he will tell me to grow up and accept a joke, and whenever i say he makes me uncomfortable/annoyed he says "i cant take that seriously" or "thats the fun part". he is horrible at picking up after himself, and will get annoyed with me if i do it for him (i cant stand mess, and he knows this.) he wont do the dishes for days on end in HIS OWN apartment, so whenever i come to visit, i usually end up doing them, cause i cant stand mess. and he ALWAYS comes out when theres like 1 spoon left and is like 'oh gosh nooo sweety, you shouldn't have done all that.. awww.. nooo, now i feel bad.. *hug, kiss* oh well' and then go back to laying on the couch).......

ofc he also has good sides, but now that i've mentioned all the crap i have a hard fucking time remembering it. but i know that he does. he gives good hugs, he can give great advice, he usually doesnt judge the stupid things i do. he knows my quirks and he likes cooking me food. he hates rubbing my back, and will get annoyed if i ask him, but he is good at it. he has nice eyes and a cute smile. he knows a lot about the things im interested in (but usually shows off his knowledge in a know-it-all kinda way). hes creative and has good music taste

ugh, i am so sorry for this long ass rant, but i just needed to get this off my chest... if anyone actually read all this, and has some advice or... anything... feel free to send a message or a reply or something idk

i feel horrible

#amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #ana trigger #tw ana diary #ed not ed sheeran #tw ed diet #thinspø #tw disordered eating #ed not sheeren #⭐️ve #⭐️ving #i will reach my ugw

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ravenmichaelisstuff · 1 year

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(PART 1 )

I think A LOT about Soap trying to give back the childhood Ghost lost. (Part 4) Warning: this one is a hurt\comfort

Ghost never slept well, but recently it was getting worse. He despised his own room because being there meant going to sleep. Sleep meant tossing in bed for hours until he could see sunshine again because if he got any shut-eye it was filled with nightmares- filled with memories of his father and the things Roba did to him, the things he made him do.

But Ghost couldn't go like this for the rest of his life, he had to go to sleep. He knew that the longer he waits, the more snappy and brody he gets. He gets frustrated so much easier, and when you have people under your command it's not really a good match.

Snapping at his teammates become frequent, even at Soap. It was unpleasant to be around him for the past few days, and Soap tried- really tried - to ask Ghost if something was bothering him, but it only made him more defensive. Soap didn’t deserve that, he had to go to sleep.

So the faithful night he took a hot shower to loosen up his muscles, took a sleeping pill, and forced himself to lay down and close his eyes. He regretted it.

It was painfully quiet, he couldn’t make out his surroundings, it was all a blur of familiar places, yet nothing felt right. Sadly he could recognize all the bodies surrounding him. Gaz, Price, Rudy, Alejandro, and Laswell- all completely still, cold. Bullets all around them. And then he heard him.

“Simon…” There in his arms laid Soap, eyes foggy and unable to focus. He was weakly grasping at Ghost. “Too late… Ye left us.”

“Soap! I wouldn’t! Johnny-”

“You let us down…” Soap’s words were no more than a weak whisper and his eyes closed softly like he just went to sleep.

“No, no, no, no…” Ghost wept, cradling his sergeant to his chest. “Don’t leave me Soap. You can’t leave! JOHNNY!”

He woke up covered in a cold sweat, he couldn’t take a breath. Ghost wanted to vomit. He never dreamt about others, always about himself. He couldn’t erase the picture of his dead team- friends, Johnny. He had to check on him. Before he knew he pulled his balaclava on with trembling hands, his throat was sore, he had to be screaming.

He was on his way to Soap’s room in a blink of an eye, only when he stood before the sergeant’s doors he felt that his balaclava was soaking wet. Soap couldn’t see him in that state, what would he think? How someone like him- weak and fragile, could protect him? A man like him should just deal with it, not-

“Ghost!” Johnny stood right in front of him, doors open. “Ey, ye with me?”

Ghost couldn’t bring himself to answer, he just stood there.

“Ok… ok, come on, Si we won’t be standing ‘ere.” He made space for Ghost to enter his room and locked the door after him.

Soap could take a closer look at Ghost now. He saw through the mask- red, teary eyes, wet streaks on the thick fabric. Ghost was hyperventilating.

“Dear God… Ghost wha-”

“I should go.” He cut in, voice raspy, about to turn around.

Soap gently put his hand on Ghost’s chest, stopping him. “Si-”

The small touch of Soap’s warm hand right on his heart broke him to pieces. He sobbed and pulled Soap into a bone-crushing hug. Soap didn’t take long to reciprocate, he hold Ghost flush to his body. Ghost’s breathing was slowly evening out with every inhale of Johnny’s body wash he got.

“Wanna talk about it? I heard my name while asleep, though something happened.” Soap spoke up, running his hand between Ghost’s shoulder blades. "I wanted to go look for you."

Ghost just shook his head. “Can I stay?” He mumbled.

“You don’t have to ask.” Soap walked them to the bed, pulling Simon to lay on his chest.

Ghost could hear the strong beat of Soap’s heart.

“Try to not think about it, Lt.”

“If only it was this easy, Soap.” Ghost felt the arm around him tighten.

“I know…” Soap was quiet for a little bit. “I will take yer mind off of it.” He seemed to be embarrassed about what he was about to do. “I might be terrible at this.” Soap took a deep breath.

“Dèan an cadalan 's dùin do shùilean,

(Go to sleep and close your eyes)"

Soap quietly sang right to Simon’s ears.

“Dèan an cadalan beag na mo sgùrdaich;

(Have a wee sleep in my lap)

Rinn thu an cadalan, 's dhùin do shùilean,

(You went to sleep and closed your eyes)

Rinn thu an cadalan, slàn gun dùisg thu!

(You went to sleep, be well without waking)”

Ghost couldn’t understand a word, but his heart and soul seemed to be mending with every word.

“Cagaran, cagaran, cagaran gaolach

(Little darling, little darling, beloved little darling)

Cagaran foghainteach, fear de mo dhaoine

(Heroic little darling, one of my own kin)”

Soap’s singing wasn’t clean or professional by any means, but it was filled with care. It was more than enough to make Ghost’s eyelids heavy again.

“Thuit e na chadalan, thuit e na shuainean,

(He fell asleep, he fell into slumber)

Caithrisidh ainglean gu càirdeil mun cuairt dha;

(Angels keep affectionate vigil around him)

Cluinnidh e an guthan a' cagar na chluasan,

(He can hear the breath of a whisper in his ears)

'S bidh fiamh gàire air gràdhan na bhruadar!

(and the loved one will smile in his dream!)”

Soon Soap heard soft snoring accompanying him.

“Sleep well, m’eudail.”

And maybe, just maybe Ghost still heard that, thought it was a dream. A good one.

This one turned out to be a little different huh... Look, it's still fluffy, right? RIGHT? I am wondering what to write next <3

I will post it on Twitter and ao3 tomorrow, bc I am beyond tired. You guys can feel like VIPs I love all the feedback <3

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youboredright · 6 months

Text

Fate Cannot Be Changed

What happens if the strongest mafia known to be the coldest man alive gets arranged married with a sweet hearted woman? Can the innocent Yn change Gojo Satoru, biggest mafia in Yakuta? Maybe or maybe not..-

Mafia Gojo Satoru X reader

(Part - 2)

Yn Pov

‌Just after waking up the first thing I saw was 7:10 am on the digital clock. I rushed to the kitchen. It has been only 3 days of our wedding I messed up.

I started making pancakes in hope I can finish them before Gojo wakes up. After around 1 hour of baking, perfecting, decorating and waiting...Gojo didn't come. Did he come before didn't see...and got disappointed? I disappointed him at the fourth day. With head full of thoughts I approached his room. I knocked few times but he didn't answer. Opening the door all I could see is a empty room. He left. I dryly laughed. What did I expect I was 20 minutes late. Of course he would not wait for me. One thing I learnt about him was that he was very punctual. I flinched when I thought of something. 'What now, will he take action.?' I am scared, because I don't know if he will or not. After all he is the mafia.

I decided to call him to check on him. What if he didn't eat anything for breakfast? What if he didn't take anything for lunch? What if he didn't have anything, it's almost 8:30 in the morning? Concern filled me up. After calling him for 3 times, he finally picked up. "Who gave you the permission to call me?" Gojo kind of yell. "I am sorry . I just called to know if you had breakfast or anythin-" " Look Yn I am working I am not like you. Free all of the time. So do something and don't disturb me." Saying that he hung up the phone. "Disturb" ? Taking care, being concern about your own husband is a act of disturbance?

Forward

‌Gojo was very late. It was almost midnight. Hearing the sound of keys I rushed to the door. "Do you know the time? Did you have dinner?" Gojo just simply ignored me and walked past me. I hold his arm to stop him.

This was the very first time I touched him other than kissing him in the wedding day. I could feel his veins in his biceps under his long sleeve shirt. It was...hot maybe? I was woken up from my thoughts when I felt Gojo dangerously leaning towards me. At this point I could feel his breath touching my face. He was drunk. He had a strong scent of cigarettes and alcohol. After leaning Gojo directly look at me "Do you know what I want? I want her back. Can you bring back Nora? No, right?"

‌Nora? Who is she? Gojo's ex? Is he still in love with her? That's why he behaves like this to me? My mind was full of thoughts. But Gojo's voice was quieter and deeper. He was calm and composed even when he was drunk. Before I could say or do anything, Gojo pushed me and walked away.

Just a few minutes ago my mind was full of thoughts about how I touched his arm but now it is full of thoughts about Nora. Even after all this treatment from Gojo, my heart ached a bit hearing that from Gojo. I went to the kitchen and straight to Gojo's room. Even if he didn't like me, I couldn't see anyone hurt or sick. I hated the fact that I cared about every one.

I didn't knock because it is useless. Going inside I saw Gojo laying on his bed. It was all dark. But I could still see Gojo's toned chest through his half opened shirt. I tried waking him up, but he didn't move. He needs to drink water and medicine before he sleeps. But then again he is a light sleeper and he was maybe he is a deep sleep after a long time. So I just decided to put his medicines on his bed side table and leave. As I stood I felt a strong pull and the next thing I knew was that Gojo.. Pinned me on the bed with my hands above my head.

‌"Who are you? Who send you?" This time his voice was deep but it was somehow scary. It felt like a thread. What made it worse was he was drunk and gave a dead stare. "Go-jo it's me. Y-n" I hated myself for stuttering. "Why are you here" I could feel he was becoming sober but he was still slightly drunk. He left my hands and sat on the bed. "Leave."

"No. Not before you have the medicines and water." I said acting all stubborn and confident but I was scared. Because I heard Gojo never takes 'no' as an answer. "And why should I trust you?" "Because I am your wife. And what will I even do, huh?" "Try to poison me?" 'Poison' him. Why would I even try to kill someon- oh right it is very normal for mafias. "I don't have the energy. to. So please have the medicine" After a lot of begging, Gojo did have the medicines.

"Why is it huge" Gojo nagged. "Oh I don't know, princess" Hearing that Gojo gave me a dead stare. "Why did you call me that.?" "Because you cannot even have a medicine properly" He just rolled his eyes. He did not yell. Was he in a good mood ... Because of maybe Nora? I did not notice I was staring at him the whole time until

"Too much in love with me? That you cannot even resist my handsome face?" Gojo was flirtatious. "No? Well I have seen better" saying that I smirked. "I don't care. Now go to your room. And don't you dare fall in love with me or any other man". His mood changed completely. He was no longer flirtatious or in a good mood. Something triggered him. I mumbled a soft 'sorry' and left not wanting to make his mood worse.

‌It was around 1 am and I was still shifting my sides to get some sleep. Do I have insomnia, now? My mind was full of thoughts about, who actually is 'Nora'. I went to kitchen to grab a glass of water. It was so quite. As I turned to return, the silence broke as the bell rang.

Something pushed me to open the door. Opening the door, I saw a tall man and a girl.The girl was probably in her mind 20s. The guy was wearing a black hoodie with grey sweatpants. Both of them covered their face by a cap and a mask. I was scared but before I could say anything. "Why didn't you sleep yet Yn." It was Gojo. "Sorry I-" "I don't need an explanation. Go to your room. And don't disturb us." I just simply nodded and left. Who was the guy? Was the girl, Nora?

><><><><><><><><><><><

To be continued

#anime #anime fandom #anime fanfic #gojo satoru #jjk #gojo saturo #gojo x reader #gojou satoru x reader #jjk satoru #jjk gojo #saturo gojo #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu kaisen satoru #satoru x reader #gojo x you #saturo gojo x reader #mafia au

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meraki24601 · 6 months

Note

Can there pleeeeaaassseeee be a part 2 to Thief (Version 2)

???

Absolutely! I'm glad you enjoyed the first part!

Thief Version 2: Part 2

Part 1

-----------*-***-*-----------

For the week Hero was in and out of consciousness, Villain barely left their bedside.

Hero had been telling the truth about their revealed identity. Villain had carried Hero into the medical wing of their best facility. Hero’s new bandages had already bled through. One by one, Villain refused each doctor who approached to help. Every one walked up with concern and passion to help in their eyes, but when they saw Hero’s face, determination turned to disgust. Villain couldn’t trust them with Hero. Not a single one.

Not until Medic showed up. They burst through the med wing doors, complaining about being called in on their day off. They continued complaining as one of the nurses explained the situation, and they approached Villain and the unconscious body in their arms. This time, when they saw who Villain was holding, instead of disgust, Villain could only see sorrow. “Stupid Heroes always cutting my days off short.” They turned and called over their shoulder for someone to bring a stretcher, then turned back and stared Villain in the eyes, “You’re an idiot if you think I’m letting you go back in the OR looking like that. Go clean the blood off yourself. I’ll send for you when they’re in a room.”

Villain glared at Medic, “You do know who I am, correct? You know what will happen if I hear you let Hero die.”

“Yeah, sure, you’re the big bad Villain. I couldn’t care less about anything but saving my patients, so could you put them down already? We need to hurry. Is there anything vital I need to know before I take them back?”

“They’ve been homeless for about two months. I removed a tracker from their arm. They’re definitely malnourished if they’ve lost as much weight as I think they have.”

“Alright. Thank you. Now get out of here before I kick you out.” With that, Medic turned away, taking Hero with them.

To everyone’s surprise, including Villain’s, they left once Medic and Hero disappeared through the OR doors. True to their word, Medic called the moment Hero was out of surgery. They had removed small pieces of glass from Hero’s back that must have been there since Villain threw them through a window, pulled out a bullet from their side that was most likely put there less than two hours earlier, rebroke and set the bone in Hero’s right leg, treated and sewed up several gashes made by knives and several others that seemed to have been from dog teeth and claws, and treated the many bruises covering their body. They were also under close watch for their concussion, which had been made worse by repeated injury, malnutrition, and dehydration.

In summary, Medic simply sighed, “The idiot is lucky to be alive, so once you’re clean, you better get back here, 'cause I don’t trust a single one of these nurses to actually take care of them, and I want to go home.”

Villain made a note to make Medic their primary doctor. Back in the hospital wing, they could tell they had paid attention to every detail and worked hard to ensure Hero would live to see tomorrow.

Like Medic, Hero decided they didn’t trust the nurses either. Outside of an emergency, no one was allowed in Hero’s room unless Villain, Medic, or one of Villain’s three most trusted guards were present. It didn’t matter much since Villain spent all the time they could in the small room with their sleeping nemesis.

They told themselves they stayed because Hero refused to stay asleep. Of course, they weren’t conscious enough of the world around them to know where they were or what had happened to them. It was just enough to cause them to panic and reopen their wounds. By day three, Medic and Villain had decided to strap them to the bed for their own safety. It caused them more stress when they woke, but at least Hero finally started healing.

Hero’s dog was probably the most help through the process. The first few days they had been held at another facility to be cleaned and their wounds treated by a vet Villain called in. After that, Villain decided to bring them in to help Hero heal and keep Villain company. It had surprised Villain when they first saw the dog with their red service dog vest. The animal had been instrumental in calming Hero down.

On day seven, they woke for real.

“Where… am I? Help.” Hero groaned, weakly pulling against the restraints on their wrists.

“Hospital. You’re fine.” Villain said, not looking up from the papers piled in their lap. “Relax. You’re safe now, Hero. Go back to sleep.”

“Who’s there? Let me go.” A small sob, weak and hopeless, drew Villain’s attention up to Hero’s open, squinting eyes. They searched the ceiling above them, blinded by the relatively bright light.

“You’re awake!” Villain gasped, throwing their work aside to lurch for the light. Since it was late, nearly 11 at night, and the curtains were drawn, turning off the bright overhead plunged the room into complete darkness. Cursing quietly as they bumped their knee on the end of Hero’s bed, Villain turned on the softer lamp on the bedside table.

The few seconds of darkness were too much for the confused Hero. As Villain turned back to them, they realized the mistake. Hero’s eyes were clenched shut, mouth open in a hoarse, silent scream. They pulled at the bindings on their wrists and ankles, close to tearing open the skin despite their weakened state. Villain’s stomach churned at the sight of their Hero, consumed with fear and pain.

“Up,” Villain called to the dog, watching intently from his corner. The animal was instantly on the bed, giving Hero deep pressure therapy. The dog always seemed to know to be careful of Hero’s wounds, and Villain could feel themselves take a deep breath as Hero finally did.

“Edge, you’re here.” Hero gasped, petting the dog where it touched their hand. “Where am I?”

“You’re in one of my facilities.” Villain stepped closer so Hero could see their face. “You collapsed outside one of my stores.”

“Villain!” Hero yelled as much as their ruined voice would allow, “You captured me? I collapsed? I… No. You… You shot me with tranquilizers!”

“Yes, that most likely was a large contributing factor in your collapse.” Villain laughed slightly as they petted the dog in Hero’s lap. “It’s alright, Hero. I’m not going to hurt you. Do you remember what I told you before you fell asleep?”

Hero shivered, “You said I couldn’t die yet, but I…”

“I did say that, yes. I also said I was going to take care of you. You’re safe now. You don’t have to live on the streets anymore. You don’t have to worry about another villain finding you. I’m going to protect you and show you why I fight against the Hero Agency. Then, once you’ve healed and understand everything, I’m going to ask you to join me.”

Hero gasped, causing them to cough a deep rasping cough that had Villain slipping gentle hands under their back to support them through it. “Relax. I’m not asking you yet, and you do have a choice when the time comes. For now, the main thing you need to do is sleep. Sleep and heal until you’re yourself again.”

#whump fic #whump #whump scenario #whump writing #whump ideas #whump tropes #hero #rescue #villain #villain x hero #medic #hospital #unconscious #neglect #injured

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the-faceless-bride · 2 years

Text

It was 'just a prank'

<-Part 1

It was a long long struggle; Josh being put into a Mental hospital, being given medication that he would insist didn't work and no one listening, him crying to you about how helpless he felt.

You wanted to help him, more than anything you did.

Hearing his whine and whimper in his sleep as he clung to you, how he always woke up with a sob and placed his head right into the crook of your neck as he mumbled to himself, you listened kissing his forehead and giving him words of reassurance.

He never kept secrets from you, you are the one he tells everything!

About how he doesn't like his meds and sometimes refused to take them, about how he can still hear and see his sister and how they taunt him, about how he hated the feeling of not only his parents not wanting to deal with him in such a state they just wanted to send him off and Pump him full of drugs that don't work just to shut him up for a few hours, about how he was... Angry that all his friends just... Abandoned him... It's not that he wanted to see them but it bugged him that they never even bother to check-in. Especially Sam and Chris, he wasn't really mad at them.

He was a bit bitter that Sam didn't just stay at the door and wait to stop Hanna before she went in, and how Chris challenged him to that stupid drinking game... But then again he didn't know, he couldn't have known... And the fact it still pissed Josh off made him feel worse.

He wasn't a good brother...

He wasn't a good son...

He wasn't a good friend...

He wasn't a good person...

It had almost been a year now, and you and Josh only continued to get closer.

Instead of just going straight to bed to prepare for his night terrors; you both stayed up facing each other, talking about anything and everything sometimes you would make Josh smile, it was small... But it was a start.

In the mornings you would both wake up tangled in each other's limbs, but instead of you both awkwardly scrambling to detangle yourself as you used to at first, you now just laid with one another, not saying a word laying there, occasionally looking into the eyes of each other and not looking away.

It was a cold night, winter was coming.

The wind blew harshly on the old Washington home, you and Josh were sitting under the large fuzzy covers of his warm, soft bed; huddled close watching silly cartoons.

He needed a break from horror...

The only light in the room coming from the tv and the small bedside lamp, your arms wrapped around each other added to the warmth and you both were content.

Well, at least you were until Josh's phone lit up with a notifying 'DING!'

He reached for his phone without looking away from the scene on the tv screen, he unlocked his phone his eyes lingered on his phone.

But what got your attention was a little sniffle, when you looked up at him his eyebrows were stitched together and he was biting his quivering lower lip.

"Josh? What's wrong?" You ask him, your voice softer and in a high pitch than normal.

You sat up, pulling him close and letting his head rest on your chest. Josh tries to take a deep breath to keep himself together... He was doing so well...

"I just... I don't know what they want from me. I'm better now. I am! It's almost the anniversary, and they were my family too... Why-" his voice cracked, he couldn't hold in his tears anymore.

You hushed his sobs, "it's ok Josh, it's ok to be upset. It's ok to not be ok Josh." You whisper to him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He looked up at you, his beautiful eyes looking from yours and then down to your lips before they flicker back up again.

You both lean a bit closer

"I don't know what I would do without you..." Josh whispered,

You smiled, and let him move in closer.

You both share a soft kiss, your fingers running over the small curly hairs at the base of his neck.

His phone buzzed again, but neither of you bothered to care; you just remained lost in each other, both in each other's world.

You both felt like you were made for each other...

You helped him, you cared for him, you loved him.

He needed your help, he want to take care of you, he was madly in love with you.

Attached to you.

You were going to help him, he was going to take care of you, you were going to help each other with everything and anything...

No matter what it was.

Josh walked back into the large living room, it was off for you to be sitting in the lodge again.

After staying with Josh in his home going back to the lodge for the anniversary of his sisters.

He sat on the large bouncy couch right next to you, putting his arm around your waist and pulling you towards him.

Now officially using the labels of 'partners' he was much more open to touching, and he wasn't going to cut down when the others came.

Josh has been talking about inviting the old friend group back, while it took some convincing on Josh's part but he had convinced you fully.

He was so smart.

After some small talk, cuddling, and a small make-out session. You pulled apart to greet the group that was currently freezing outside.

You talk with Sam and Ashley as Josh Left with Chirs, after a few minutes later Chris opened the front door and a small critter runs out shortly after making you jump before laughing.

You all start to go inside, Josh comes up behind you using his knuckles to lightly push into your sides making you squirm at the tingly feeling.

"The little critter scare ya, babe?" He laughs as he rushes to put his hands on you and pull you back so you couldn't run from his tickles.

But your moment was ruined, Mike and Jessica running in yelling about party people or something.

"So, uhh- you guys are like... A thing now?" Ashley asked as she looked to the others, they all looked confused.

Jess and Mike looked slightly confused as to what Ashley was talking about as they both thought it would be obvious they were, but when they followed Ashley and the group's eyes they landed on Josh.

"Together? Josh? Please, he's a hookup guy." Mike says, assuming they were asking if he was in a relationship.

Not noticing you had moved behind Josh, you didn't know them too well. But you don't think they would be so happy to see you after how you left off on a not-so-good note with those two and Emily, speaking of where was she?

"Actually, I've officially taken myself off the market. " josh says making Jess raise a brow.

"Oh yeah?"

"Up! In a happy relationship actually, if I knew it was this great I would've tied myself down sooner!" Josh jokes turning around placing a hand on the side of your head, brushing some of your hair with his thump, and smiling at you.

The rest of the group seemed split on how to feel. Some were happy for Josh! Happy to see him be better and to find someone who accepts him and doesn't judge him.

Some felt uncomfortable, thinking that even though he may seem alright. They don't think he should be in a relationship right now... Especially with someone who was there that night...

And a couple didn't like the idea at all, great. Not only does Josh most likely still pissed at them and now he is with Hanna's best friend who was most likely still pissed and now they were both gonna cause issues.

But you and Josh didn't bother or mind any of the others, he just took your hand and took you towards the fireplace and tried getting a fire going.

"Oh my God. That is so gross. Are you trying to swallow his face whole?" And there was Emily.

And then the fighting started and it got louder, more aggressive, and only got worse when Matt tried to step in and it clearly didn't work...

Josh was getting upset at the fighting as this is not how he wanted this night to go... But what really made him put his foot down was seeing you start to get anxious with the two girls.

He knew that look in your eyes, you always helped him. Now he was gonna start helping you.

"STOP IT! this is not why I asked you all back up here!"

Josh had shut down the fight and sent Jess and Mike to the guest cabin before turning back to you.

Holding you close like you always did to him, whispering reassurances as he kissed the top of your head.

It was gonna be a long night...

Part 3 ->

#slasher imagine #slashers x reader #slasher x reader #slasher headcanons #slasher imagines #josh washington x reader x matt taylor #josh washington imagine #josh washington #jd x reader x josh washington #josh washington x reader #josh x reader x matt #until dawn josh #until we meet again #until dawn imagine #until dawn headcanon #until dawn x reader #until dawn

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underratedandoverit · 8 months

Text

You Wanna Wish Away Your Sins (1/3)

After losing to Best Friends at Arcade Anarchy, Kip undergoes shoulder surgery. One person reaching out to him afterwards sends Kip spiraling, turning all the pain and suffering in him into… Flowers? Flowers growing in his lungs?

Kip Sabian/Chuck Taylor. Hanahaki disease. Angst. Hurt/comfort. Emotional hurt/comfort. One-sided attraction.

Marked Mature on AO3 for general content. Warnings for mentions of hospitals, surgery, medical stuff. Described feelings for choking and vomiting.

Other characters include Penelope Ford, Trent Beretta. Kris Statlander and Orange Cassidy are mentioned. Background ship of Penelope/Kris is heavily implied, but never specifically shown.

part 2 || part 3

On AO3

I reeeeally only wanted to start posting this after it was all done, but seeing how I'm two weeks behind on what I wanted the original publishing schedule to be, I need heavy motivation to actually finish this (its about halfway done as of posting this), so! Here's the effort to hopefully help with that! Cause I am planning on finishing this, I have full plans for all three chapters and the epilogue (that'll be tacked onto the final chapter), I just need the energy to realize that its worth finishing so.. I'm getting this up now. To maybe hopefully see its worth it and people want to see this through. Idk.

I have been thinking maybe this concept would have been better with another ship, but I started with this and its very fitting for them, and I need more of this propaganda in my life and seeing how I'm the only one making it… Yeah we're sticking to Kip and Chuck. Sorry not sorry. (also tag list might change a little as i post the rest, tho this should be it generally. i tried to keep it spoiler free for now)

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

----------------------

Beep.

Kip tried to ignore the heart monitor to the best of his ability, and yet his brows furrowed, irritated, at the sound. The soft groan was barely audible in the hospital room that was empty aside from him, as Kip came to witness as he forced his eyes open, returning back to the real world from the sleepless rest he had been attempting to get for the last few hours.

Some would have guessed that sleeping would have been easier when you lost feeling from one of your four limbs, especially from the one going through the extreme levels of pain. But what those same people didn’t understand, was that the medication they put him under with, was amplifying most of his other senses to the point where it was almost painful to just even listen to certain sounds.

Beep.

Kip glared at the monitor, watching the little line on it beep an extra time, almost as if it was mocking him and the hatred raising his heart rate. Kip leaned back on the bed, turning away, eyes landing on the window across the room. The soft rays of sunshine indicated early morning hours, which wouldn’t have surprised him a bit. After coming to from the surgery Kip had been in various states between high alert and sleeping like a log, dozing off whenever he felt like it. Not that it mattered, they didn’t let him go home yet anyway, so he was just taking advantage of sleeping away as much of the irritation and pain he could while he was alone.

Beep.

Slowly Kip’s eyes dragged away from the window, landing on the little drawer next to the bed. Some nice nurse, was his guess unless it really had been Penelope, had left his personal belongings on it on a little tray. Honestly Kip was slightly surprised they had been just left for him like that, out in the open. While sure, he wasn’t sharing the room with anyone else, anyone could just walk in at any time while he was out cold and grab his wallet, keys, and phone and just bail out.

Or even worse, he himself could have used the phone before he was fully aware of himself and his surroundings yet, being under the influence of the painkiller and/or anesthesia. Almost as bad as some of his younger days of drunk dialing.

Beep.

Kip closed his eyes, inhaling deeply as he tried not to get irritated at the sound piercing his ears every couple of moments. As he calmed himself down, he slowly opened his eyes again, landing them back on the phone on the tray. He observed it for a moment, trying to count in his head how long it had been since he was wheeled into the operating room, how long it had been since he had last checked anything.

Really all he could remember was the little kiss Penelope placed on the top of his head, whispering him good luck before he was wheeled away from her too.

Beep.

Kip’s hand slipped away from under the thin covers of the awfully medical feeling blanket thrown over him, reaching for the phone. It was easier said than done to be honest, having to navigate the world now mostly with his non-dominant hand and everything. Kip fumbled a little, almost letting the phone slip from his fingers, letting out a string of quiet curse words from under his breath as he barely caught it again before it managed to fall to the floor, where he most definitely wouldn’t have been able to grab it without getting some help first.

With a sigh he lowered the phone into his lap, brushing a hand through his hair. Everything was just so bothersome and irritating to him, he could barely do things by himself. And every single little bit that he required some kind of help with, Kip hated even more. He understood the situation he was in, absolutely, but that didn’t mean that he was going to enjoy being so dependent on others when he could just as easily do all of this, and more, by himself before.

Beep.

His eyes landed back on the phone now sitting on the bed in his lap, the fingers of his right hand carefully drumming against the dark screen. It felt cold to the touch, clearly not having been turned on for a while or being held in a hand using it. Kip had no idea if there would even be any messages for him to return to, sure there were people like his family, friends, and co-workers who knew he was going through the surgery, but most people he felt like had already been in touch the day before, wishing him luck. He vaguely remembered Penelope telling him she would send him reminders about things he needed to take care of after surgery, but that was all he was expecting.

And yet, there was some sort of odd feeling of hesitation in him as Kip’s fingers kept drawing circles on the screen, only mimicking opening apps and scrolling through them.

Beep.

It was almost as if the sound was mocking him at this point, screaming at him to do something. Kip glared at the monitor on his side, eyes slowly returning back to the phone. He carefully took it back into his hand, weighting it for a moment, his thumb navigating on top of the power button almost on instinct. Kip barely stopped himself from pressing it down, taking a moment to ask himself if it was worth it.

As far as he knew, nobody was going to need him while he was gone. He was going to have to turn it on later to get in touch with Penelope about getting out of the hospital as she had promised to pick him up, but apart from that… Kip didn’t really know what to expect. On the other hand though, this kind of silence gave him a good chance to catch up on other important things he might have missed, if there weren't people he needed to get back to.

What could go wrong?

Beep.

Kip held down the button, watching as the screen slowly lit up, greeting him with the familiar opening screens. His eyes narrowed a little at the sudden bright lighting hitting him, but soon enough he was booted in, allowing him to adjust the screen brightness to his liking. Kip was still trying to get used to being awake and feeling like himself in his own body, and coming off from heavy medication, even if it had been a day since then, it was like a dark cloud hanging over him. He didn’t enjoy it in the slightest, but Kip knew it was a necessary step if he wanted to get through all of this. Unfortunately.

As he got himself back into his phone, Kip absentmindedly scrolled through some of the messages that were popping up little by little all over the place. Mostly it was just few remaining co-workers and friends that hadn’t reached out earlier wishing him speedy recovery and hoping that the surgery goes well, the usual things you’d message to someone you didn’t talk to more than occasionally but who you knew was going to go through something heavy like this and you had their contact info at hand. Kip scrolled through the well-wishes, smiling occasionally a little more as he watched the different names and profile pictures he recognized, wondering how many of these people actually cared or if this was just a cleverly arranged mass ruse so he would maybe feel a bit better after being under the knife.

And then.

Kip’s eyes locked onto one of the messages, starting with a word he didn’t expect to see.

‘Sorry’.

He didn’t notice his grip on the phone getting tighter until holding it actually hurt his hand, but Kip pushed the thought aside. Unblinking eyes stared at the phone screen as it burned the images of the words on his retinas until they were hurting too, but he was too deep in his own head to look away, to stop reading the message he didn’t think he would be getting. Not now, not ever.

Not from Chuck.

‘Sorry about your shoulder. Heard from Kris you were getting surgery. I didn’t mean to hurt you that bad. Hope you heal well. If you need something, let me know.’

Kip’s mind was nothing but static. The phone light hurt his eyes, his grip hurt his hand, reading and processing the words in his head. The pain shooting through him was almost comparable to the jolts he experienced going through the structure Chuck had thrown them both down to from the stage, only this one was even worse somehow.

‘If you need something, let me know.’

He didn’t read that right. He couldn’t have read that right. There was no way Chuck Taylor out of all people would say something like this to him. Or even text these kinds of lines to him. To Kip.

To the man that had been looking at Chuck from a distance with a mixture of interest and admiration for so long without saying any words out loud, without making any moves, without taking any actions to realize the thoughts and feelings he had. There was no way Chuck was doing this, offering help to him if he needed it, without knowing that there was something going on in Kip’s mind that he wasn’t sure was going to be able to handle daylight.

‘I didn’t mean to hurt you that bad.’

Chuck didn’t know Kip was already on his way out when Arcade Anarchy was announced. He had already been told he would require surgery on the torn shoulder, but this match was approved even with the ending spot as it wasn’t going to make his condition any worse than it already was. Kip hadn’t dared to say anything to the Best Friends, in fear that it would hinder their performance; he wanted them at their best, not feeling sorry for him, not trying to be careful with him. Miro knew, but he kept his promise and didn’t say anything either.

For better or worse, Kip wasn’t sure anymore.

Beep. Beep.

He finally tore his eyes away from the phone screen, letting it drop from his hand. Kip curled the fingers a few times trying to ease the pain, eyes blinking as rather painful tears stung in the corners of his eyes. He wasn’t sure if it was a sign of emotional distress or just a side effect of staring at the screen, but it didn’t matter to him. Whichever it was, he didn’t want it, and it was making him feel awful.

Beep. Beep.

Kip slowly looked over at the heart rate monitor, watching the little line make extra jumps and letting out more irritating noises than necessary. His eyes trailed one of the cords leaving from it, watching it being attached to his chest with a little patch. Kip snorted at it, turning away.

Stupid. It was all so fucking stupid.

Beep.

His eyes landed back on the phone, hand reaching for his face as he wiped away a couple of tears. He wasn’t sure why he got so worked up over this, it wasn’t like this meant anything. Chuck was just worried, offering him his condolences and a little help if he needed it, just like everyone else did. That didn’t mean anything, no more, no less, than that he was being a good co-worker. Not even a friend.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Beep.

Maybe that’s why he took it so hard, to be honest. Kip inhaled deeply, almost frightened over how shaky his breathing sounded. He hadn’t expected this to hit him so hard, but something about seeing Chuck Taylor out of all the possible people reaching out to him after hearing about the surgery just sent him spiraling. Short circuited his brain. His thoughts were all gone. Kip’s mind blank, nothing but a newly debuted white canvas ready to be painted on.

And the only visual that appeared on it was Chuck, the moment he held onto Kip seconds before throwing them both off from the stage.

The words he whispered to Kip when the camera was pointing the other way.

“Are you sure?”

Beep. Beep. Beep.

In that moment he had been, only for the fact that he knew Chuck would prevent him from hurting further. At least, in the physical sense. Mentally at that point Kip was already so far down the rabbit hole that it didn’t matter. He would have said yes. Not only to that, but to anything that Chuck asked him.

Was Kip sure? Yes.

Was Kip going to be okay? Yes.

Did Kip want him?

…

Yes.

Yes he did.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

He looked back at the monitor, watching the line make extra jumps again. It apparently wasn’t a concerning enough feature, considering how long it had been going on and not a single nurse had gotten in to even check on him yet. Kip understood it though, in a hospital full of patients in worse conditions than what he was in, he was merely a second thought to anyone passing by his room. He didn’t make a sound, he wasn’t in pain, he didn’t exhibit extreme amounts of discomfort.

At least, not on the outside.

Beep. Beep.

Kip leaned his head back against the propped up bed, eyeing the monitor. If he wasn’t thinking about the phone that was still quietly buzzing in his lap, his heart rate slowly went back down. Of course he couldn’t keep this up forever, eventually he would probably have to reply to Chuck, and who knew what kind of fresh hell of wounds that would open on him. How awkward it would make everything if he dared to actually take on Chuck’s own offering and ask him for any help. Of course Kip didn’t need to do that, knowing that Chuck hadn’t actually caused any of this like he was thinking that he did, but…

Maybe it would be a way to get a step closer. To spend time with him. To figure out if Chuck could possibly feel the same way Kip did.

Beep.

Kip closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing. It would be all fine, he lied to himself. It wouldn’t matter if Chuck said no, it wouldn’t matter if they became just friends. Another lie. Kip could live with it if he could just tell Chuck how he felt, and whatever came out of that was just perfectly fine with him.

Kip was such a masterful liar sometimes.

Beep.

He hummed at himself a little, obviously satisfied with the way he made himself at least on some level believe everything was going to be okay. A small smirk tuck the corners of his lips, but Kip resisted it, thinking it was a step too far. He allowed himself to be proud of himself in this situation, but showing it outwards was a little too much.

Instead he yawned, followed by a cough as Kip could feel something scratching in his throat.

Beep.

He tried to gently cough it out, only making the scratching worse. Kip opened his eyes, glancing around him, trying to see if there was even a cup of water somewhere close by, but no such luck. Instead he coughed again, the burning in his throat just growing stronger and feeling grosser the more he tried to physically force whatever was stuck in his airways out of his body.

With a few more coughs the feeling was turning unbearable, Kip rather violently jerking forward as he coughed loudly, hand flying on to cover his mouth as he could feel something dislodging in his throat, attempting a forceful exit out of his mouth.

Beep. Beep.

Maybe he wasn’t as over the side effects of anesthesia as Kip thought, or nausea was a side effect of the painkillers. As the thoughts raced through his mind, Kip tried to keep his mouth covered by his hand, eyes shooting around his limited moving space, trying to find something he could safely vomit into. He could feel another scratch on his throat, knowing that he just had to take it and let it all out, Kip shoved the phone from his lap to the floor in a semi panic, barely hearing it landing with a loud thud before he allowed his insides to empty themselves into his lap.

Beep. Beep.

With his eyes closed to bear the pain, Kip could feel the burning in his lungs, but it all felt different than usual. It was an odd sensation, it felt more like something was scratching and crawling its way up his lungs rather than his throat, pushing painfully out of him rather than flowing in the liquid form like usual. It still burned, but in a softer, almost calming way compared to what Kip knew it should be.

Fearing the mess he had made, Kip slowly opened his eyes, thinking that he might have to call a nurse over to help him out, as much as he hated it. But instead he froze in place, eyes widening in shock as he tried to process the small pile of purple shaded rose petals sitting on his lap instead.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Kip carefully reached a hand towards the petals, shaking fingertips tracing along one. It felt soft, like it was freshly plucked from a flower, the kind of fresh petals you’d spread on a bed for a romantic surprise to a loved one. But the moment was nothing but romantic, it was surprising for sure, but it was more making Kip internally freak out than giving him any sentimental feelings over the sudden pile of petals in his lap.

They had come out from inside of him.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Kip had no idea why. No idea how. He could feel something crawling in his throat again, letting out a soft cough, watching a single petal flowing out of him, landing on top of the pile that had already formed.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Kip’s hands slowly grabbed a hold of the petals, squeezing them in his fists. He froze for a moment, feeling the soft petals against the palms of his hands, against his exposed skin, almost tearing wounds onto him despite their petite appearance.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Kip screamed.

#fic #aew fanfiction #wrestling fanfiction #character: kip sabian #character: chuck taylor #ship: chuckkip #fic: you wanna wish away your sins #setting: hanahaki

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anonnie-in-wonderland · 2 years

Text

Call Me Crazy

Rating: T

Word Count: 6.7k

Warning(s): briefly implied racism, Y/N experiences paranoid thoughts, panic attacks, head injury

Summary: When Y/N gets her hands on the newest Samsung phone, she thinks at most she’ll get a little clout with her friends and fewer dropped calls. A direct portal to BTS? Not so much.

Tags: bts x reader | ot7 x reader | poly| FM!POC!reader

Ch.1 Ch.2: Star-Crushed

A/N: Hello, hello! Crashing in from life as a college student (why do I keep doing this omg) to provide another update! 😌 Feels like the true upturning of poor Y/N’s orderly life starts here. I also feel like OT7 fics haven’t been updated as much lately so this is my humble contribution. 🙇🏽‍♀️ I had so much fun with this chapter! So please feel free to tell me what you think? 🥺

Some habits were hard to shake. So despite having the day off, she woke up at seven sharp. Rolling over to squint across the room and find Binna still sleeping, she proceeded to shuffle out of bed.

Thoughts of how to spend her day floated vaguely through her head as she shut the bathroom door behind her.

People would be surprised, she imagined, to find that she didn’t plan every minute of every day—she just planned the productive hours of most days.

In high school, Y/N had been voted most likely to become a CEO before age thirty, and there were far worse superlatives to be associated with.

Maybe there was even some truth to that one, but it was coincidental. She was now studying business with every intention of climbing the corporate ladder to the very top.

There had never been a doubt about how she would go about achieving her goals, either. Y/N was focused, level-headed and disciplined—according to teachers past and present.

But a small feeling of dissatisfaction she just couldn’t quash kept surfacing as of late. Somewhere along the line friends; family, maybe even classmates, professors and acquaintances, had come to think of her as predictable.

No, they didn’t phrase it in that way exactly, but it couldn’t be much more obvious. Spontaneity was not her strong suit, admittedly. But somehow the fact that people thought she was chained to routine and sameness made her feel…pathetic.

It was no matter, though. Y/N endeavored to do what she always did to stave off self-pity. It had worked for years and it was unlikely to fail her now. She would seize the day, and fall into productivity. Of the relaxing sort, of course.

In record time, she had showered, groomed and dressed. Since it was her day off, she likely could have made do walking around in sweats and a t-shirt (not that she owned many casual articles of clothing), but dressing to impress at all times was a mantra she had lived by since starting university.

Y/N put on a pressed blouse with a warm, woolen cardigan and starched slacks. Her slip on flats were casual enough to make up for it, plus comfortable.

As she stood and adjusted the collar of her shirt so that it overlaid perfectly on her cardigan, Binna lifted her head, hair messy and voice a groggy whisper. “Thought you were off?”

“I am.” Y/N began to search for her bag, passing her new phone and plucking it from the charger.

“Dressed like that?” A prickle of hesitation jabbed its way in as she paused to stare down at herself.

“Why not?” She asked, the tiniest bit of insecurity seeping into her tone.

“That’s our Y/Nie.” Binna smiled sleepily, her lips shiny from the bit of drool on her mouth. “Always prepared.” Then she threw her head back into her pillow, and light snores promptly followed.

Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle. Binna would be in for a rude awakening when her alarm clock went off in fifteen minutes. But, she supposed for the time being the poor girl could enjoy that extra fifteen minutes of blissed out sleep. She seemed to need it.

Y/N was quiet as she exited their bedroom, feet silent in the carpeted hall on her way into their utility kitchen. Figuring Binna wouldn’t want much when she got up, just some toast and cereal, she decided it was okay to focus on fixing her usual: an egg white omelette with two shakes of pepper, some low-fat vanilla yogurt and granola, and a black coffee with extra creamer. While she brought out the pan and got the stove ready, Y/N flitted back and forth between her breakfast items and the coffee machine. Binna had brought it with her when she’d moved in, but Y/N probably got more use out of it than its owner.

The eggs sizzled in the pan as she cracked the shells and separated them from their yolks, the coffee machine’s gentle hum the perfect background noise. It wasn’t too loud or too jarring, which gave her time to think. Normally, about class work or her internship, but this was a day off Y/N reminded herself. So maybe something like yoga at the park instead? Hmm…but she wasn’t really dressed for that.

The coffee machine chimed twice, signifying her fresh brewed bliss was ready, and Y/N wasted no time pouring herself a steaming cup. The creamer was added in short order, and while it cooled enough to be drinkable, she finished neatly folding her omelet and stirring granola into her yogurt.

Sitting down with her foodstuffs, she began digging in, the sound of the spoon touching the bottom of the plastic cup, or the fork clinking against the plate as she ate her omelet piece by piece the only noises in the apartment. Some might find a silent breakfast lonely , but Y/N appreciated the way in which being alone with her thoughts allowed her to process things.

After she had lost her parents, people always saw her as quiet and a little intense, oddly put together for a recently orphaned child. Her aunt and uncle had been at a loss at first, seemingly trying to piece together how to approach talking to her. It had taken some rocky attempts, awkward small talk that petered into stuffy silences, but they had eventually all learned how to coexist.

Actually, maybe she should call them. It had been a while, hadn’t it? She reached for her phone, shiny and new, sitting on the table. It displayed the time as she dragged it closer with one finger, having to momentarily pause eating to flip it open.

Nice compact design, smooth interface, and lots of unexplored features. Y/N had to reluctantly admit…she was impressed. She still had to transfer all her contacts into it though. If she were like most college students her age, she would be pulling her hair out, her contacts lost in a tragic spill. Being ‘old-fashioned’ had its benefits, she thought a bit smugly. Later on today she could put all the contacts she had copied down into the notepad where she kept numbers into her phone.

Y/N began thinking about what else people normally did upon purchasing a new cell. Spam text everyone apologetically about how their phone number had changed? Maybe later.

The conversation in the car on their way back from the phone store came to mind. “Since you’ve finally joined everybody in the twenty-first century, you should download some apps!” Binna had suggested. “They come in really handy.”

Apps, huh? Well, Y/N had never been much for them, aside from keeping an eye on the world of app development—the creator of the next Twitter might be out there, a business partner waiting to be snatched up—but using them herself would be a first.

“I’ve got the time,” she reasoned. “I’ll just see what all the fuss is about.”

Five minutes tops. That’s all the time she would devote to scrolling the app store.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a crick in her neck and her back ached. She was also pretty sure Binna may have been through with her shower, considering she could faintly hear the blow dryer going from down the hall.

Wow. She’d really spent nearly thirty-five minutes looking at apps. But, in her defense, no one told her about the sheer number of them! If Y/N had known there was a pocket schedule and planner app, she may have gotten on board sooner.

Downloading that one and several more she saw that might be helpful, Y/N wiggled. She was already excited to begin using them, reading the reviews as she tidied the kitchen until the only trace of her breakfast was the pan she had used scraped and in the sink, ready to be washed later.

Satisfied, she called out a goodbye to Binna, who came bursting from the bedroom, fully dressed and fixing her hair into buns. “Heading out?” She asked, slinging her messenger bag higher on her shoulder. “Let’s walk together.”

“You don’t even know if I’m headed the same way.” Y/N snickered, “And don’t you want breakfast? You know you’re no good at thinking on an empty stomach, and you’ve got that presentation right before lunch.”

“Y/N!” Binna pouted, “Omo, such a mother hen. I’ll be fine. I can get a breakfast bagel at the cafe.”

“The line’s really long this time of day,” Y/N pointed out.

“It’ll be fine!” Binna repeated, throwing her hands up, “I still want to walk with you.”

“Okaaay,” Y/N opened the door and stepped aside, waiting expectantly. “Lead the way.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The smell of egg and cheese wafted enticingly through the air, Y/N glancing over to find her friend happily munching her breakfast sandwich, perfectly in step with her.

It was a gorgeous, mild fall day out. Leaves were getting that nice autumnal tone, and despite the swift changing of seasons, the school’s lawn was as bright green as ever—thanks to the help of artificial means of course.

Y/N was surprised that the little spot on campus that only stayed open until noon and served Western breakfast foods didn’t have a longer line.

There were more than thirty thousand students attending Korea University, and it felt like over half of them were scurrying everywhere at all times of the day and night.

Binna looked up in time to see her staring, chewing and swallowing the bite in her mouth, then offering the rest to her. “Want some?” she offered.

“I’ve already eaten breakfast,” Y/N smiled gently, lightly pushing Binna’s arm down to keep the avocado sauce on the breakfast sandwich from spilling onto her cardigan. “Thanks though.”

“But Y/N,” Binna whined, taking another big bite, “You always have such a small breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day for a reason!” Spoken like a pre-med student, Y/N mused.

She could just see Binna’s future office, set up to be child-friendly with charts about nutrition depicting smiling vegetables and fruits on the walls.

“Yes, yes eomma, I know.”

Taking another bite of her food, Binna huffed, “Fine. But just eat a decent meal later, okay? You’re off today so there’s no reason for you to be skipping lunch.”

“Now who’s the mother hen?” Y/N tutted, pulling out her phone and putting in a reminder for a twenty minute lunch break. “There. I did it. Happy?”

She was met with silence, which was always unusual for Binna. Worriedly, she turned to her friend, only to find a very sly smile on her lips (and a bit of egg and avocado sauce in the corner of her mouth). “What’s that look for?”

Binna tittered, shrugging as if to say ‘oh nothing, nothing…! Except…’

“…You like it, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“You like your new phone.” She clarified. “You were fiddling with it last night when I went to bed, and you were never attached to your old one like that.” Binna finished off her sandwich, eyes narrowed disbelievingly. “Last week you told me playing with my phone before bed would cause me to wake up unrested.”

“Well it will.” Y/N maintained matter-of-factly, “It disrupts your brain’s ability to find its proper circadian rhythm. Studies prove that.”

“Right, sure,” Binna scoffed, “And suddenly you’re willing to risk it because…what, you discovered technology can actually be fun and not just for convenience?”

“Bin, please. It’s just a phone.” To prove her point, Y/N promptly closed the device and stuck it in her pocket.

“It’s not just any phone,” Binna exclaimed, crumpling her sandwich wrapper up and throwing it away as they passed a trash can. She made the shot from about ten feet away, and two boys that had been sitting nearby on the grass saw it and cheered dramatically like their favorite team had scored a goal.

Binna played along, posing cutely and giving a thumbs up. Y/N rolled her eyes. Sports fanatics. “Like I was saying,” Bin continued, smoothing her beige sweater vest into place. “Y/N you got the Galaxy Z Flip 4: Army Edition.” She whispered conspiratorially, glancing around as if someone might overhear. “I didn’t even know that phone actually existed until yesterday.”

Ah yes, yesterday. Where Y/N’s simple quest for a new phone had taken an unexpected turn.

Suk-kyu slunk from the store’s stockroom, while Y/N waited patiently with her friends in the lobby. He was clutching a box to his chest as if was some precious national treasure. Bemused, Y/N watched him set it down on the table with reverence and lift the lid. “I know you chose another color, but you seem like a very discerning customer. So I wanted to offer you this instead.”

The lid came up fully and Binna squealed, hopping in place, “Oh! My! Goodness!”

Y/N turned to Chin-Mae for clarity, since Binna was currently occupied gushing over the phone, but he shrugged, as clueless as she was. “This can’t be what I think it is!”

“A Galaxy Z 4?” Chin-Mae drawled.

“No, no, no!” Binna waved him off, “I mean well, yes. But look at the colors; that’s the Army Edition! I thought it was just a rumor.” The phone was a sleek chrome gray on one side and white on the other, but otherwise appeared identical to the other Galaxy Z’s Suk-kyu had shown them.

“It is, as far as everyone else knows.” Suk-kyu winked. “There are seven colors available, our BTS editions. The Army edition is the rumored eighth color, very exclusively available right now. Won’t be on the market for a while. So what do you say? Would you like this one?”

“Say yes, Y/N!” Binna shook her arm. “Say yes. Oh gosh, now I wish I needed a new phone—I’m so jealous!”

“I…” Y/N tried to concentrate as she continued to get shaken and her teeth clicked. “I don’t really think I get it. I mean it’s a rare color, right? Why not save that for a true fan who’d appreciate it more?”

Suk-kyu only smiled, a twinkle in his eyes. “I think the person who’d appreciate this phone the most is already standing in front of me.”

And so, somewhat reluctantly, Y/N had taken the phone. The ultra-rare Army Edition that Binna told her fans would kill for. “I don’t know why I even let that kooky salesman talk me into buying it. If it’s as big a commodity as you say it is, I could get robbed for having it.”

It wasn’t unheard of. Being a business major, Y/N had heard many times about what happened when hot items were in short supply and high demand.

People did desperate things to own rarities. She remembered a case that happened not far from her when she lived in America, someone being attacked and stabbed over a pair of limited edition shoes.

“No way,” Binna said, though there was a touch of concern in her eyes. “You’ll probably get lots of compliments—oh!”

“Binna!” They spotted a group of three girls waving at her friend, other pre-med students that Binna liked to study with. “Yo, you ready for that presentation?”

“Totally!” She fist pumped. “I’m fueled up and ready to go.”

“Oh, hello Y/N-ssi,” Binna’s unnie greeted politely. Choi Ji-Hye was like the calm, reliable upperclassmen in a drama, so Y/N totally understood why Binna looked up to her so much.

Ji-Hye was also rumored to be from a very affluent family. Not that it was surprising. Plenty of students attending one of the country’s top schools came from wealth.

But Ji-Hye had the looks, background and demeanor that one would associate with the traditional heiress.

Today, she was wearing a maroon sweater vest— something that her friend looked ready to swoon over when she noticed—and pressed short sleeved blouse paired with slacks similar to Y/N’s own.

Her auburn red hair was pin straight as usual, her bangs cut at a very precise length that didn’t hide her lovely arched eyebrows. When she smiled a little, everyone saw the deep dimple in her right cheek.

“Good morning, sunbaenim.” Y/N returned.

“You could call me unnie, too, if you wanted.” Ji-Hye said, and some of the stiffness in the air dropped. While Ji-Hye was always friendly towards her, she got the sense that Binna’s other pre-med friends didn’t care for her much.

Not that she would bring it up to her bubbly friend, who enjoyed seeing all her associates get along and thought strangers were just friends you hadn’t met. Oh, to be that naive.

“I can drop the honorific from sunbae,” Y/N bargained as a compromise.

“Deal,” Ji-Hye agreed, “We’re all going to our first lecture, but you should join us for lunch.” Ah yes, Ji-Hye was a TA in Binna’s first class.

“That would be lovely,” Y/N discreetly glanced at the two antsy med students behind Ji-Hye, likely hoping she would say no. “But it may have to be some other day. I have some assignments to catch up on that may cut into my lunch hour. I wouldn’t want you waiting for me,”

She ignored Binna’s very skeptical expression as Ji-Hye nodded in understanding. “That’s unfortunate. I do hope you take breaks as needed. Binna’s always speaking highly of your diligence, but overworking is a fast track to illness.”

“I understand, sunbae.” She bowed. “Good luck on your presentation today, Bin.”

“See you later, Y/N!” Binna waved, being tugged along by one of the other girls.

Y/N expelled the breath she’d been holding as they left, though she could hear one of the girls, Ha-Eun, whispering loudly. “Is she always stiff and intense like that?”

“Y/N’s really great. You just don’t know her,” Binna immediately defended.

Y/N felt warm inside over her loyalty.

“And whose fault is that?” The other girl giggled. Y/N thought her name might have been Iseul or something, which she only remembered because Binna had gushed about her also being an Army. “She seems to like you, but from what I see, keeps to herself. I bet she turned down unnie’s invitation for no reason.”

Before Binna could voice a retort, Ji-Hye’s calm voice cut in. “That’s uncharitable to assume the worst of others, Iseul. I’m sure Y/N has her reasons.”

They got too far to hear the rest of the conversation after that, not that Y/N was really interested in overhearing more. She was very aware that people had a lot of preconceived notions about her.

It was one of the many things she had learned to tune out upon returning to Korea at the end of high school. People had assumed she was a foreigner and treated her accordingly, whispering this speculation or that.

It was true her father had been American, and she’d inherited his complexion and hair texture, which brought its own set of… problems at times.

Still, Y/N had decided to come back to Korea and go to the college she had always told her mother she wanted to attend, her alma mater.

She wanted to reconnect with her Korean heritage too. She just never thought about how different it would all be when she was seeing through a lens that was no longer that of an oblivious child.

Regardless, it was her day off, and flaky attitudes be damned, Y/N wasn’t about to let that get her down. She was going to be productive and enjoy herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was the worst possible time to be in proximity to someone else’s clumsiness.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Kang Myeong looked very close to falling to his knees as he whimpered in the face of the fire in Y/N’s eyes.

She stared at the ugly blot of ssamjang on her blazer, nose crinkled. This was going to be the end of her. Her colleague’s one act of clumsiness was going to sink her career before it started.

The president and CEO of LG Electronics, one of the largest companies in the country, would be walking in any minute.

It was the perfect opportunity for networking, the only real reason she had agreed to attend her internship’s party in honor of its hard-working students—Binna, Min Su and Chin-Mae may have also begged her to attend and actually mingle like a normal person.

Always able to sniff out a problem from a mile away, her internship supervisor hurried over, his eyes wide behind his spectacles. “Oh, what happened there?” He frowned.

“It was my fault,” Myeong confessed instantly. “Y/N, I…I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were right there when I turned around.”

Her greedy coworker had made a beeline for the refreshments and she just so happened to be standing near it, talking to one of her other internship colleagues when disaster struck.

“We’ve been over that.” She grumbled, not in a forgiving mood at present. She didn’t even attempt to wipe it out. If she did, that would undoubtedly make it worse.

Mr. Hong pulled something out of his pocket, a key. He held it out on the tip of his finger and Y/N watched the small silver key swing back and forth as he spoke. “Here, use this and go to the presidential bathroom down the hall. Try to get it out before Mr. Koo arrives.”

Nodding in thanks, Y/N wasted no time, ignoring Myeong as he continued to grovel. She had a mission and it was saving her future career! No one was going to take her seriously with a sauce stain on her front.

Mr. Koo would take one look and write her off as a joke. And if one of the most powerful businessmen in the country thought that way, no one else was going to take a chance on her.

It was rare, hadn’t happened in years, actually. But by the time she had fumbled with the key and charged into the extremely elegant bathroom, her throat felt cottony and her head was spinning. Y/N staggered over to the sink, seeing double as she looked into the mirror.

No one knew about her panic attacks. Not her aunt and uncle, and not Binna and Chin-Mae. She forced them down, as much as she was able. Hiding behind the projection of control she wanted others to see until she believed it herself.

Yes, yes she had everything under control. Her hands shook as she fought to turn on the sink, only to realize it was motion activated. Shoving her hands beneath the faucet, it lit up and came to life.

Y/N took the time to dab her eyes, wet a paper towel and press it firmly to her thudding pulse before she even tackled the sauce on her jacket.

Her teeth sank hard into her bottom lip, before she thought about how poorly it would be taken if she walked back into the party with a bloody lip—or worse, had to reapply her lipstick and get the stain off her teeth.

That caused her to let her lip go, blinking rapidly and wiping small, frustrated tears from her eyes. “L/N Y/N,” she breathed, staring herself down hard in the mirror. “You will be fine. Because you always are. Get back out there and blow them away.”

Gasping, she reached for her phone to check the time. How much time did she have before Mr.Koo arrived?! What if he was already in there? Pushing the device back into her blazer again, Y/N went to check her face in the mirror one last time.

Instead of slightly puffy eyes or a determined grimace, what she saw had her jaw dropping. Was that…was that another room?!

Whipping her head around, Y/N surveyed the lavish bathroom behind her, and didn’t see anything remotely identical to what was in the mirror. Whoa. She rubbed her eyes harshly.

Whoa.

It had been about a week since that time she had hallucinated a man’s face in place of her own while brushing her teeth. Since then, she had chalked it up to not enough sleep and tightly wound nerves from all the deadlines she was trying to meet.

This was probably the same thing. She was in a highly stressful situation, and she was seeing things. Although, it was a little concerning that no matter how many times she dabbed at her eyes and blinked, the scene didn’t change.

Frustrated, Y/N stepped back, squinted, then moved closer again. Against her better judgement, she leaned further into the mirror, intending to skim the glass with her fingertip, to prove to herself she was just a little tired.

Until she was overcome by the strongest sensation of vertigo she had ever felt, head falling forward as if it was full of lead. When it cleared, and she felt able to pick her head up, the practical, ever logical thinking Y/N was unprepared for what she saw.

Everywhere, absolutely everywhere, was a vast, rippling room of nothing. It was like being trapped inside a drop of mercury, another impossibility. Y/N waved a hand in front of her face, and a cool, liquid sensation passed through her fingers, although nothing was on them.

“Hello?” She called, trying not to grow frantic. “Where the hell is this?” She took a tentative step, finding it was a bit difficult to move forward but not impossible. “Uh…what did I eat in the last twenty four hours?”

Was it an allergic reaction? Yeah right. She quickly dismissed the notion on account of very few allergic reactions she could think of causing hallucinogenic effects.

Her straining ears caught sound to her right, and she moved forward, calling out again. Still no response, but the sound got a little bit clearer.

It probably wasn’t the day to be wearing pumps, but damnit, it’s not like she counted on this to happen. Whatever was happening…

Y/N stopped, but not for lack of trying to move forward, but because there was…an invisible wall there. A clear one, in which she could now see the same room as before.

An empty dance studio. The strains of sound she’d picked up had been music. Classical music, more precisely. That was all she really had time to discern before the door opened, someone walking in.

A lone person, a young man maybe slightly older than her. He shut the door behind him and set down his bag. She watched him look around, brow furrowing as he stopped to listen to the music playing.

Tchaikovsky’s The Sleeping Beauty had just begun, a popular song at ballet recitals. He seemed confused to hear it, making Y/N wonder if he wasn’t a ballet dancer at all. There was also something about him she almost wanted to say was familiar, but she couldn’t place what.

Looking around at both sides of the room as though his reflection would rat him out, the young man slowly began to fall into a few experimental steps, growing more charged and confident as the song continued.

Y/N watched, stunned. Forgetting all about what had been going on before, how she had come to even be here, she remained hidden and spellbound, the handsome man’s fluid control of his body and contemporary dance moves putting her soul at ease.

It was like each step he took, each twirl and leap smoothed down the frayed edges inside that had caused her anxiety to begin creeping in. She watched in rapt attention as he commanded the space with her, his only audience.

At one point, his dancing brought him closer to Y/N’s side of the mirror. He didn’t seem to notice anything amiss at all, didn’t seem to feel her presence there.

His shiny hair caught the light when he spun, and not for the first time, Y/N had the tugging knowledge just out of reach.

She knew him from somewhere… Pressing ever closer against the surface, she was able to see every line of his solid physique, the hours of work he had put into training his body evident.

The song had reached its crescendo, and he was still going strong, hardly even sweating. Y/N was awed, face pressed to the cool, invisible glass in an undignified manner—lipstick stains be damned.

Perhaps because she had suspended her disbelief so much already, she was not expecting reality to very literally come crashing back in. Y/N let out an abrupt scream when the barrier suddenly gave way, and she found herself falling right through, toppling into him.

He hardly had time to turn before they were crashing together, and then laying in a heap on the floor. There was a very concerning crack as his head met the unforgiving wood.

Temporarily putting aside her bemusement and astonishment, Y/N swallowed down the horrified yelp in her throat. The man who had been practicing such a graceful technique just a minute ago was sprawled underneath her, having taken the brunt of the fall.

His eyes were squinted and unfocused, and Y/N’s heart accelerated at the thought of how hard he must have hit his head.

Quickly jumping back, her stockings catching on the polished wood floors at the friction, she inspected him, phone gripped tightly and uselessly in her sweating palm. It only vaguely dawned on her that she had never let it go.

Now, Y/N let it tumble to the floor with a clatter, far past caring if that did any damage. Maybe that was for the best…it went against absolutely every logical thought she had as an aspiring businesswoman but there was something to be said about correlation and causation.

When she had briefly hallucinated in the bathroom that night, and during…whatever was happening now, she had the phone nearby. Both times. Was that…really a coincidence?

She had scoffed over the conspiracy theorists online every time a new 5G phone model was released that would proclaim they could control thoughts and cause illnesses. But what if this was a psychotic break?

The dropped device buzzed an inch or two across the floor, Y/N seeing a message from Binna. Oh yeah…Binna.

Her dear friend and roommate had been texting her a lot lately. According to her, if she was going to posssess an Army phone, she might as well actually become an Army.

Not that Y/N had taken that seriously, or had much time to actually look at what Binna had been sending. Her nerves were far too thin in the days leading up to the party.

It was the opportunity of a lifetime, and all her time not spent working on school assignments was spent tirelessly rehearsing what she would say to Mr.Koo if she got the chance to talk to him.

For the first time in a while, Y/N actually read Binna’s messages.

—Okay last one! I know you said no more but I couldn’t resist and he just looks so good here!

The picture popped up without warning, a beautiful man with blood red hair, propped up on his side in a white, nearly translucent button-up.

There was a sliver of skin visible between the bottom and the waistline of his pants, and he looked at the camera with a startling smolder, accentuated by the coy half-smile on his full red lips and the immaculately applied eyeliner he was wearing.

Y/N’s throat went dry, life flashing before her eyes as she whipped her head back down to the person still lying unnaturally still on the floor. It was…it was the same guy!

The hair color was different—a moonlight silver now—and he was in a plain t-shirt and some loose joggers, but it was undoubtedly the same man Binna wanted her to swoon over.

That meant one thing.

“BTS…” Y/N whispered under her breath. Suddenly he looked frighteningly familiar. The model looks, the style in those practiced dance moves. How couldn’t she see it earlier?

Yeah this was definitely one of Binna’s BTS boys, who beamed down at them from the poster in their dorm room. Forgetting her phone, Y/N clambered closer, wondering if she should check for a pulse, but also afraid to touch him in case it brought him further harm.

“Please…” she licked her bottom lip, “Do me a favor…Jimin.” Thanks to all of Binna’s gushing and coaching she was fairly certain that was his name. “Don’t be dead, or seriously injured. Don’t be anything that could get the book thrown at me in a court of law.”

Assaulting an idol. And not just any idol, but one of the ones that belonged to a group that was practically the nation’s national treasure. Her career would be flushed. Oh, and the rabid fans out for her blood would never let her know peace.

“Hyung…?” He muttered, and Y/N pushed down any indignation that cropped up at the thought of being mistaken for someone’s hyung.

“Okay, you’re talking. Good.” she sighed. “I mean not good, but…not bad. Damnit, I should call emergency services. For all I know you could be concussed.”

Jimin blinked drowsily at her. Shit, how hard did she make him hit his head? Shit, shit! “It’s not the worst hallucination in the world. At least I’m imagining someone pretty.”

Y/N’s jaw dropped, she stammered for a response and came up short. Was he…flirting?! At a time like this? His head might be broken and she might be on her way to ten years behind bars and he was flirting?!

The flustered college student could feel her cheeks redden, irritation flaring up inside. If he wasn’t already hurt she might just be tempted to ignore the difference in their statuses and smack him upside the head.

“You—”

Y/N stilled, hearing broken pieces of conversation from just outside the door. No, no, no! Witnesses to her crime! They were going to take one look at the downed dancer and assume the worst.

Either that she had attacked him or that she was there for…a creepier reason. Binna had told her about sasaeng attacks being a serious problem for popular idols. No one was going to believe she didn’t know how she’d gotten there.

Although Jimin was probably going to be fine, now that people who could help him had arrived, Y/N did feel guilty just leaving him there. It was her fault, sort of.

She had precious seconds, and every racing tick of her heart knew it. Whoever was coming into the studio were chatting outside the door, but who knew how long that’d last.

Her uncle and aunt had always praised her for being quick on her feet, and this was the worst time to prove them wrong. ‘This is crazy,’ Y/N’s spinning head protested. ‘I fell through a mirror into an idol’s dance studio and now I might be going to jail, unless—’

She hesitated only slightly, figuring the impossible had proved possible so far. The crazy could continue until she woke up from this mental breakdown she was having, and then she would start searching for the nearest qualified therapist to examine her. At best, she was right, and at worst she was about to be carted off to the hospital, then jail.

Sucking in and holding a deep breath, Y/N charged at the mirrored wall as fast as sensible pumps would allow, fully prepared for the pain of smacking into it face first.

There was a startled moment of realization, and then deep relief when she tumbled through the glass, which rippled coolly like she was breaking the surface of a quiet lake.

Y/N turned, silently witnessing the studio door open at that moment, revealing another young man in sweats. He had short, bouncy russet brown hair, his bangs parting in the middle.

He spoke to whoever was standing out in the hall one more time, something about some changes to a choreography routine they were trying out. The door closed, and Y/N watched his eyes fall to the floor, noticing Jimin for the first time.

“Jimin?” He called, sprinting over and sinking to his knees at the answering groan. “What’s wrong? What happened?” Y/N knew she should bolt while she could, guilt a tight ball in her chest. But she only stood there in Mirror Land as the other man tried to get Jimin to tell him what was wrong.

‘I fell out of the mirror and plowed him over.’ she thought, wincing.

“Hobi-hyung, I’m okay. I just tripped…” he said softly. What a beautiful speaking voice, Y/N mused. It was easy on the ears, even when it sounded strained.

Hobi…Hobi…Binna had said that was someone’s nickname. If he was Hobi then that must have meant his stage name was J-Hope. ‘Er, what’s his real name again? …Hyun…Hoseok?’

Whipping out a phone, his hyung frowned a little. “Hard enough to hurt yourself? Can you get up?” Jimin began righting himself, albeit slowly, and Hoseok assisted, arm bracing him around the shoulders. “I’m going to tell the staff you’re injured and need to be examined.”

“But—”

“Nope,” Hobi shook his head, phone to his ear now. “There’s no point practicing choreo if you’re not at your best anyway.” He turned his attention to speaking to whoever had picked up his call, explaining that they had an accident in the studio. “Yeah, he’s awake, but pretty dazed.”

There was a pause, and J-Hope tilted his head, staring at Jimin thoughtfully. “Did you hit your head?”

“Mm…”

“It looks like it.” Hoseok relayed, and Y/N bit her lip, anxiety picking back up. ‘How am I supposed to tell Binna I met one of her favorite idols and broke him?’

Jimin was sitting up on his own now, hands on the floor and legs crossed. Hoseok removed his arm from his friend’s shoulder and began to gently massage his head.

“Hyung,” Jimin whined, leaning away from the touch. “Careful, it’s tender.”

“You’ve got a bump the size of a baseball.” The older male informed him matter-of-factly. “I’d be surprised if it wasn’t.”

“What happened to the girl?” Jimin asked abruptly.

Y/N felt her hands start to tremble. Why was she even still hanging around? This was her opportunity!

Oh yeah, because she wanted to be sure the young man whose head had gotten bonked would be okay. Damn guilt.

“Girl?” Hoseok gave him a scrutinizing look, not at all like the wide, energetic smile he wore in Binna’s poster. “Jiminie…what girl?”

The silver-haired idol shrugged helplessly. “The one who knocked me down. I think…”

“Somebody knocked you down?” Hoseok asked sharply. “Was it a staffer?”

“I don’t know. It happened so fast. She wasn’t familiar...”

“Okay,” The older idol said slowly. “After we make sure you’re okay we’ll get security to check the cameras.”

The cameras?! Shit, so she wasn’t safe after all! Oblivious to her rising woe, Hoseok continued, “Well, I think you’re probably concussed, so no practice for you.”

His eyes drifted away from Jimin for the first time since entering the room, and that split second was all it took for their gazes to lock.

Y/N let out a wordless yell, flailing back. The sound of running water filled her ears, and she picked her head up to find her own reflection.

She was clutching the edge of the same modern sink she was admiring before, standing in the same private bathroom. Laying innocently near the right handle was her phone.

#bts fanfic #call me crazy #ot7 bangtan #ot7xreader #yoongixreader #namjoon x reader #jungkook x reader #hoseok x reader #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #seokjin x reader #poc!reader #bts x reader #poly!bts x reader

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passionxwrites · 10 months

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Best Thing (1)

Sooooo I finally built up the courage to begin my Erik Stevens fanfiction. I know no one will probably see it right now especially with me not being that active on here (I’m definitely about to start doing that) but it’s okay because there is a start to everything. This story takes place after Erik has been redeemed and is running the Outreach Center in Oakland. I hope whoever reads this likes it!!

Noli jumped out of her sleep startled by the loud banging coming from her apartment door. "Got dammit, who the hell making all this noise?" She snatched her phone from her bedside table to check the time which read 8:30 am in big pink numbers. Begrudgingly she slid out of the bed and slipped on her house shoes and stomped to the front door.

Swinging it open she was met with the one man who had become the biggest nuisance ever since he moved in 2 years ago. "Erik what on God's green earth would have you beating on my door this early on a Saturday like you the police!" She was way past furious being that she had just finished a shift at the club three hours ago. "Delivery man left your package at my door again," and with that he dropped it at her feet and trudged off as if she was the one who woke him up early. "Don’t beat on my damn door like again," she yelled as she picked up the package and slammed the door. "Bastard!"

Flopping onto her blue suede sectional she stared at the package that was now on her coffee table in front of her. Wonder what he sent me this time. The packages had become a routine with her brother as he was always sending her some memento from whatever country he had found himself in. The last one contained an alabaster pyramid that he found walking around a bazaar in Egypt. "Tuh."

Noli's relationship with Poe had been strained ever since the death of their grandmother five years ago. Being that she was there only relative still alive besides each other it took a toll on them both. However they both grieved differently and while Noli wanted to be able to seek solace in her older brother he hopped on the first plane out of Mississippi into another country. He left her a note stating their grandmother's death was the wake up call he needed to go see the world for what it truly was, whatever that shit meant. Now while Noli also decided to move out of Mississippi she decided to stay in the states and somehow wound up all the way in California.

She had always wanted to be a celebrity hairstylist and figured going to Cali would be the best start. She ended up finding a beautiful condo in Oakland at a great high rise thanks to the money left over from her grandmother and immediately got to work. So far she hadn't done any celebrities but she was building her brand. She began working at a popular strip club called Diamond Dazzlers where she was a bottle girl/hairstylist to the dancers. The girls were always promoting her work and she was beginning to build a clientele and soon she would be able to purchase her salon and stop working in the club for good.

That always brought a smile to her face, it wasn’t that she hated working at the club because the pay was great, the managers and the owners were cool and respectful, there would be some catty arguments between the girls but nothing that was ever too serious. The lows came from the long hours and the perverted ass men that frequented the place. There was nothing worse than serving a group of men just for one of them to grope you can just because they think they can. Noli glanced at the package one last time and rolled her eyes before shuffling back into her to get some more beauty sleep. Today was her self-care day and first on that list was most definitely rest.

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I hope you all liked it and if you see it please give feedback. Part 2 coming soon

Noli (No-Lee)

#erik killmonger #killmonger fanfiction #killmonger imagine #erik stevens

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boyswanna-be-her · 11 months

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I spent the last five days & nights w BFR, and before that we'd spent TWENTY of the previous 25 days together, usually only pausing to sleep separately. And although we'd been joking about it, I didn't actually realize what a mindfuck for me specifically it would be to spend several years alone and then most of a month with someone and then need to abruptly be apart for two weeks.

Emotionally on a day to day level that's just so not an issue. I spent years and years of my past relationships craving freedom and alone time and the ability to do whatever i want whenever i want it without waiting on someone else or having to take their opinions into account. I was definitely sweating being lonely and probably I still will eventually feel lonely on this trip--but getting on the highway today to head to Denver ended up feeling good and familiar and right.

But this morning was not that way. PTSD is fickle and I'm still learning my triggers. Being around someone I really care about is dredging up a lot of things that didn't get metabolized in my last relationship. And this morning, I woke up at 1 am on my couch with BFR in a full-on panic. Something about the fact that we'd fallen asleep in front of a movie instead of bed was the first thing that set me off (idk man, idk). I woke them up, they said they would come to bed, I went to bed in my panic and put on sleep noises and exhaustion managed to override the panic and I cried myself to sleep assuming I'd wake up w BFR.

I woke up again at 4:00. They hadn't come to bed from the couch. Legitimately I recognized that this meant nothing but that didn't matter. My mind has gone FULL police sirens now. I go back to the couch. They fully wake up and apologize for falling back to sleep and make room for me and I try to get comfortable w them on the couch but NOPE somehow this process makes my mind actually tip from being skittish to having a full-blown anxiety attack. I realized after a minute of sitting with the feeling of overwhelming panic and terror (which it took me TWO more hours to identify as a panic attack btw wrow) that none of the feelings were coming from the sleeping situation, but I failed to figure out WHERE they were coming from. So Iay there on the couch trying not to sob, so so so fucking confused about what was happening beneath the surface of my consciousness.

I just couldn't parse it. Like, BFR is great and our time is great but I don't know them well enough to be in love with them or even to miss them THAT much. Like christ, not sobbing over it! Not heart beating like I'm running type of upset.

Finally after I'd done every errand and packing task I could think of, I was still sobbing off and on so went to my Mom's place for a xanax (she was sleeping but luckily my dad knew where she keeps them). Then i came home abd I woke BFR up and basically said "i think I'm having a panic attack and I could use some company, like, fucking yesterday about it, and at least until the xanax i just took kicks in." And they got up and got their act together and immediately started uhhh taking care of me in a healthy way. Just sat with me and listened, said everything was going to be ok. And I talked at them and cried and cried and finally worked out that it had been a panic attack since I woke up at 1:00, I just had been deflected thinking it was bc I was sad to leave BFR.

In reality, there was this deep and abrupt CERTAINTY that I woke up with that my life had somehow fundamentally changed overnight and there was nothing I could do about it. It's almost 24 hours later and I'm still all shaken up to even approach understanding that headspace, but there it is. Between the fast onset of Jonathan's mental illness, his unexpected suicide, and the really awful way D ended their relationship with me a few weeks after Jonathan died, I have a very deep-seated belief that everything in my life can and will change without warning, for the extreme worse, ESPECIALLY when I feel safe, secure, loved, and excited about my future.

I just woke up and "knew" that it was all changing. I felt deeply that one or several devastating events were going to take place once I left town. Top on my list, when I drill into it, is that one of my parents or friends will get a devastating injury and/or die before I can say goodbye (lmao no idea where that comes from 🙄). It also felt/feels (when I let myself feel it and put it into words) 85% likely that BFR will change their mind about me while I'm gone and pretend like all of this never happened. Which honestly when I look at it with my logic brain is even less likely to happen than someone dying.

So I really got in there and sat with those feelings. It only helped a little bit to say it all out loud to BFR. It only helped a little bit to get their reassurance. That's how it is with this shit: it's not logical or evidence-based, so you can't logic your way out of it.

Eventually the Xanax got me, and I fell asleep in bed with BFR being the best and watching me and stroking me and waiting for me to either wake up on my own or need to be woken so I didn't miss my day of travel.

I slept HARD for two hours. When I woke up they were there waiting for me, sitting in bed. They had quietly continued cleaning my apartment, as well as gathering up all the snacks they had to send with me on the road trip today.

I felt so much less insane after the third attempt at sleep. Without talking through it AND a healthy dose of a sedative, I don't know that I would've been able to get on the road. I cannot think of a time other than during the sheer ego death of Effexor withdrawal in December when I was that completely panicked and inconsolable and SCARED.

I was two hours behind but after all that i was ready to go. I got the dogs loaded up and ran into a friend who said BFR was "a cutie" and we "would be a perfect couple" (i'll tell her later we already are 💕). I finally dropped them off on their side of town and hit the road for my first leg to Tennessee.

It is definitely taking lots of bandwidth for BFR to be there for me in the way that they are currently showing up. I know more about their history now and it makes me even more appreciative of the monumental effort it has taken to let someone new into their life. They had therapy this afternoon (let's goooo weekly therapy havers!!) and I could absolutely tell by the VERY serious tenor of their texts this evening that they'd been talking about us in therapy which is 1. Something a partner has NEVER done before, I'm always begging my partners to get therapy and they dont and 2. Incredibly fucking encouraging/affirming that they are indeed putting thought into me and I'm not stupid to be doing all the communication groundwork to build something nice. Shit is so pleasantly NOT one-sided. Like my last therapy sesh was me asking how I can avoid becoming codependent and wrecking my own life for someone, and their sesh had an apparent focus on communication with me and how to be vulnerable with me. The fuck? How healthy? Go off, I guess. We had a really thoughtful and helpful communication session (I had to pull over while driving but I did so happily bc it's really worth it), which in retrospect was not an easy conversation for either of us. We both were acknowledging some difficult truths about ourselves and setting expectations for what that means about a relationship. It's honestly quite doable things to overcome, and EARLY to be digging in, but it's also really fucking helpful to be in the loop with what they're thinking/fighting and I'd imagine vice versa.

But they sent me thoughtful texts all day (more than I sent them), did their yoga class, therapy, called me once I was settled in the hotel, listened to my stories about the day, asked if I wanted to stay on the phone and watch a movie together. I went to the hotel gym instead. Solo travel is going to be tough on my sobriety, and getting physically worn out has been helping a lot. Doesn't matter much what I do--just gotta tire out the software by running the hardware or something like that.

So. It was an awfully hard day. BFR took it in stride but I did not. I tripped up and kind of rolled down a fucking jagged hill. But all I can do is show up and try again and not sweat it too much that PTSD is going to be a part of my life until it's not. There's a lot that makes it worth it right now.

I think I have a lot of potential to create something special and rare with this person who has found me. Usually when someone cares about me this much and fawns over me and wants to help me in areas where I really need it, I find it a huge turn off. That's always made me feel misanthropic, but idk. Maybe there was always some thin-slicing going on and I felt that there would be a catch. But with BFR there's something I recognize there. The care they give me isnt a donation, or an investment, or a down payment. They genuinely like to see me succeed, like to see my pain eased or erased, even when there's nothing they can gain from me. They're happy to make me happy in a way that I actually don't think I've ever encountered from someone who was interested in me. Like I hate to just relegate them to the cliche of service top but they are indeed panning out to be someone who gets off in every way by overachieving in helping or pleasing me--and they're talented at making that service-y aspect somethinf that I'm the boss of, instead of making me feel like I'm a pet project or something to be changed.

That's my ramble. Needed to vomit it all out somewhere. I'm retroactively editing so my apologies for the everything. Pictures to come.

#bfr #colorado trip

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