#and I don't really have anything for 'love what cures your fear. Eat what keeps you here'

[arden-au]

━━ when you're sick

a/n: just another prompt i've been wanting to write. basically you're feeling under the weather, somewhat fluffy with funny moments(?). more under the cut! wasn't a fan of the formating so i reposted (and tags weren't working) still testing some stuff out so i hope you understand

warnings || none

heeseung

heeseung was really excited to hang out with you, frowns when you reach his front door trying to suppress a cough with an embrassed look on your face. pulls you close and kisses your forehead, "lets stay in for today, yeah?" he smiles, getting you comfy on the couch while he goes looking for a hoodie for you to wear. coos over how cute you look in his clothes while you push him away for being embarrassing. "i might as well be sick of you" you stick your tongue at him playfully, making him reach for your sides and tickle you. the two of you laugh for about 10 minutes, you already feel a bit better. leaves you alone for a bit to make your favourite food, sitting you in his lap and eating with you when he's done. heeseung totally takes credit for you feel better without medicine, "i'm their medicine" he says smugly, making you groan at his cheesy comment. slightly annoying, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

jay

jay's a very worried man, especially when call him with a sore throat apologizing that you don't feel well. practically runs over to your apartment, catching his breath at the door before knocking. you realize at the knock that you should've told him not to come by since you weren't sure what was making you cough, not that he would listen. settles in with some homecooked food for you to eat while he figures out how the thermometer works. goes a little overboard but he means well, at least when he's checking your temperature every hour and not allowing you to have sweets much to your dismay. lets you rest your head in his lap while you nap on the couch, quietly admiring your facial features with an affectionate smile on his own features. about to push a few strands of hair from your face till you blink awake, meeting his gaze with a sleepy smile. jay is no longer a worried man, lovesick probably.

jake

jake sticks to your hip the whole day, holds onto your waist and waddles with you around the house. okay maybe not the whole day since you keep pushing him out of the room in fear of giving the cold you were experiencing. pouty baby till you open the door and see him holding some warm soup and cut up fruits in a tray, insists on feeding you. doesn't let you do anything besides rest in bed, need water? already in the kitchen grabbing a glass. need to charge your phone? stealing his roommates because his is a lil wonky (still functional). means well and is happy when you let him spoon you for a nap, his arms holding your waist and jake just enjoy your scent as he nuzzles his nose into the nape of your neck.

sunghoon

sunghoon tries searches up food to try and make that should help you recover, but ends up ordering takeout with a side of instant coffee he made with love in your favourite cup. ends up just sitting by your beside and just talking to you about anything. even ends up bringing his laptop so you two can watch some funny videos, which ends up being just him laughing while you take a quick nap. the headaches is definitely better after a few hours, so he suggests going out for some fresh air, bundling you up with his sweater and tying the string in the front. the breeze is nice as you're walking with him while holding hands. the two of you celebrate you feeling better by getting your favourite sweets from the bakery, deciding to snack on them when you get home to finish watching whatever sunghoon was excitedly talking about on your walk.

sunoo

sunoo genuinely suggests icecream to cure your cough, feigns innocence when you glare at him while he tries to spoon feed it. you tell him he's not allowed back in until he does some sort of research (half-joking, half not wanting to give him whatever it was), which he does...with the wifi at the starbucks 15 minutes away. okay for real though, comes back with some medicine and a grocery bag since he wants to try making rice porridge for you. hears you snoring so he decides against pestering you while waiting for the food to finish cooking. when he hears you shuffling around he warms up the hot chocolate he got from starbucks, serving it with his attempt of rice porridge. he looks at you sheepishly as you dig in, compliments spilling out of your mouth and declaring the dish one of your favourites. asks if ice cream is still out of the questions, earning a shove from you as you continuing eating. the two of share a laugh, sunoo joining you and eating his own bowl of the porridge.

jungwon

you insist its nothing more than a fever but he picks you up and throws you back in bed, lovingly of course ♡. stubborn and insists you shouldn't go to work and calls in for you. makes sure you're hydrated and brings back sweet oatmeal topped with your favourite fruit. leaves you while you take a nap, opting to just clean your house a bit while trying not to make so much noise. pokes his head in to check on you, observing your body language for any signs of discomfort. you feel a bit guilty for him taking care of you, especially you know he had a long day yesterday and was probably hoping for a chill day off. he denies that thought completely, stating 'well it wouldn't be a day off if you weren't feeling well' teasingly pinching your cheek for making such assumptions before kissing your forehead.

niki

you text him that your stomach feels icky and that you wanted to cancel lunch with him, apologizing he was really excited to try this new restaurant with you. cue him arriving at your door step with a bag from the pharmacy filled with items they suggested were good for stomach aches, plus a heat pad and some takeout from said restaurant. you look at the takeout bag before raising a brow at him, in his defense you cancelled on lunch but he was still determined to eat with you. sets up pillows and blankets on the living room couch, sitting himself down and patting his thigh for you to come sit on his lap. feeds you small bites of the takeout, ends up eating most of it though cause he didn't eat earlier. doesn't allow you to go and lie down, so you end up taking a nap on his lap, curling onto him like a koala. totally snaps a few photos of you looking adorable before taking a quick nap too.

taglist [open!]: @hell1cy @wtfhyuck @wonielvr likes and reblogs are appreciated ♡

#enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen #heeseung x reader #jay x reader #jake x reader #sunghoon x reader #sunoo x reader #jungwon x reader #niki x reader #enhypen drabbles #enhypen fluff #jay fluff #jake fluff #sunghoon fluff #sunoo fluff #jungwon fluff #niki fluff #500 #enhypen soft hours

[author-k]

Intoxicated Arguments

Kaeya Alberich x Reader

Summary: Although the reader and Kaeya are not exclusively in a relationship their current relationships becomes strained as the reader returns to find Kaeya had slept with someone else (Implied Female Reader However Gender is not Mentioned)

Warning: mentions of mature themes

Your arrival was unexpected. And how convenient for him for you to arrive while he was just finishing up with a one-night-stand. You two weren't together. he'd much rather keep his sappy love for you to himself. You had been away on an expedition in Liyue, courtesy of Jean. He almost insisted on accompanying you, he genuinely feared for your safety. How could he possibly allow anything to happen to the one person that cured his loneliness the most? In the end, he didn't go with you and he came to the conclusion that it was probably for the best. It was getting harder and harder to contain his feelings lately and if he had gone he might have just spilled his guts to you in honesty hour around a mood-setting campfire. 

In all honesty, he knew how you felt about him but he was still afraid you didn't feel the same way and that he had it all wrong. He also knew he'd end up disappointing you like he had others that were close to him. So he'd settled with just the thought of you while he slept with other people.

"Why am I not surprised." You spoke, leaning against the wooden door frame of Kaeya's office. He was fastening his belt as the girl slipped past you out the door. Embarrassment and shame were clearly written on her dusted pink cheeks. " Don't get the wrong Idea." He said while pulling his boots on. "What is there to get the wrong idea about?" " You can do whatever you want or rather whoever you want."

He didn't know what to say. Technically he had no reason to explain the situation you had arrived in, yet the look in your eyes made him feel incredibly guilty. " Well, see ya" you waved and left him in the office.

He sighed loudly turning his head to the ceiling. As much as he wanted to chase after you and explain the situation. There wasn't anything he could explain to you. And even if he had run after you down the hall it would become obvious to you the feelings for you he was bottling up. 

The guilt was eating him up inside. He sat next to Rosaria in the tavern. She simply slid a glass of red liquid across the table to him. He pulled the glass to his lips pouring the alcoholic beverage down his throat. " You gonna spill or should I go pray to Lord Barbabatoes?" " It's complicated" he admitted. He was almost 100% sure Rosaria knew what was up, but he couldn't confess his feelings for you to her. If he was gonna profess his love for you, your ears were supposed to hear those words first.

He didn't drink enough to be absolutely trashed but he definitely had a bunch of courage and a filterless mouth for his words. He was kicking the bricked road outside your door. " Kaeya?" Your peered out from your window. He looked up at the sound of your voice calling his name. You then disappeared from the window. He could hear you rushing down the stairs and you opened the front door.

" Are you okay?" You asked him. Why? Why did you have to care for him so much? " 

Listen... I'm sorry" You were shocked at his sudden apology. He didn't have anything to apologise for on the surface but deep down that apology meant more to you than anyone would ever know.

" For what?" you crossed your arms over your chest. Your stubbornness seeped into the air. He sighed. You were gonna make him spell it out, weren't you?

" For earlier..." 

" You really have nothing to apologise for. It's really got nothing to do with me who you sleep with Kaeya. We're not together it doesn't concern me.”

" You're wrong it does concern you!"

" I think about you so much it's driving me crazy!"

" Don't you understand, I'm In love with you!"

"Kaeya, you're drunk you should go home." You furrowed your eyebrows, your heart beating out of its cage. You've seen Kaeya pull many stunts while being intoxicated, but this was new.

" I'm not drunk " He sighed 

" Why didn't you just tell me then Kaeya, Instead I had to walk in on you after you slept with someone else."

" I'm also in love with you Kaeya! How did you think that made me feel?"

" If you think about me so much when why didn't you think about me while you were screwing some random girl in your office huh?"

" I was, I did. It was supposed to be distraction but all I could think about was what it would be like if you were in her place." he averted his gaze.

"Kaeya!"

Kaeya took a deep breath in " And look okay I couldn't exactly run down the halls of the favoinus headquarters yelling that to you and I know that's, not a valid reason and I'm sorry. I wouldn't blame you if you reject me right here. That was a royal asshole move "

The silence was deafening. For not only him but for you too.

" You're actually sorry?" You asked him.

" From the bottom of my heart," He said

" You so dumb you know that"

" I know"

He stepped closer to you his hands gently cupped your cheeks and he placed a soft kiss on your lips. "smells like dandelion wine," you say when you parted. " Sorry-" you wrapped your hands around his neck pulling him in for another kiss.

You two sat on the step in front of your door and spoke about everything and anything. The confessions were flying left right and centre between the two of you.

" I swear to the Anemo Archon, Kaeya if you forget this tomorrow, I will-"

"How could I possibly forget the best thing that's happened in my entire life" He interrupted you.

#kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich #kaeya alberich x reader #kaeya x you #kaeya x y/n #rosaria #genshin #genshin imagines #genshin impact #genshin x reader #mondstadt #kaeya fanfic #kaeya fanfiction

[fizzingwizard]

Was curious how many of the Sims 4 bugs on this list I've encountered… it's a lot

Part One because I guess this is too many bugs even for tumblr hahaha

Jumpy Animations/Sims teleport - since a long time ago but worse now Routing/Sit down issue on several interactions - love to watch my sims wander around like ants looking for somewhere to sit with a chair right in front of them. especially love when I tell me sim to go play a game at the card table in the same room, and instead they go outside, walk around the entire house, come back in and then sit at the table. guess they just felt like a walk first lol Music from other modes Plays During Live Mode - yup and usually overlapping. fix with restart but it often happens in CAS where you lose all your stuff if you quit… Lag for menu to show up when clicking on objects - especially the fridge/oven!!!! Sims keep moving after paused Sims do DU homework under laptops - not just DU tho I get this for anything that can be done at a table, including eating, and sometimes it's not even a portable laptop but a computer Sim won't accept queued commands/ Sims don't do actions - this was supposedly "console" but as a non-console player I know it happens to the rest of us too. also to most of us Lots with manipulated terrain look realistic/strange in world view - idk if this is a bug, i think probably that's just how it appears. but it is weird Fishing Identification for active Sim with no fishing skill - I think this one has been around since base game. Sims 4 really wants everyone to love fishing. I'll be like. mourning the death of Sim Grandpa. And all of a sudden 6-year-old Sim Grandson will "identify the Perch!" Multiple daily calls for sim to switch careers - CONSTANTLY. EVEN WITH PHONE ON SILENT MODE! Excessive use of Cross Stitch Basket - yep. I get it the worst with cross stitch, but I find it annoying that other hobbies which cost money like knitting and painting are autonomous as well. Either there should be a "practice" object which is the default and is free or this stuff shouldn't be autonomous. Food too tbh… I have tried playing rags to riches before, and one reason I gave up was just this - it was so hard to keep control of finances because sims have no concept of saving pennies lol Railings Clipping Through Walls - hate this so ugly Multi-story columns misaligned Foundation becomes see-through Sim Gets Fear of the Dark After Being Cured - all the fears and wants sucked. they're boring, curing then is boring, they have little impact except just ruining your sims day, and YEAH, they come back after being cured!! best to turn it off just like neighborhood stories Constantly dirty surroundings moodlet from Pressure Cooker and Kettle - I'm not 100% sure I've got this one, I will check the next time I play. However I've had multiple issues with these objects: sims constantly cooking with them when their queue is empty, and constant fires originating with them. Lately my sims was complaining her kitchen was dirty but I could not find anything dirty. She's a Neat sim, but even after having her clean everything, and then going into build mode and moving stuff to look for plates that might have gotten stuck under objects and are hard to see, the room still registered as dirty. I'm thinking it was the pressure cooker or kettle, or maybe even pizza oven which she also has Upgraded beds give two contradictory moodlets - yup spend hours upgrading your bed and the sims like "what a bad sleep!" Sims on home lot don't take care of needs when active sims away - yeah two sims in my house recently almost starved bc of this NPCs take food ordered by active Sim - yup! again ruining my rages to riches haha No evolve option (ready to evolve) - yes and yes I've checked that the plants are in season. Also having major issues with other gardening things especially on community lots Very High Household Bills While On Vacation Campfire causes too many fires - really frustrating for me bc I use the campfire a lot. I absolutely love camping gameplay but between constant fires and thunderstorms where you're 100% guaranteed to get electrocuted (9_9) it really sucks

#sims #sims 4

[black-and-yellow]

[Hurt Someone]

Love listening to a song and immediately analysing the lyrics to fit it into the AU.

Read more for just the lineart because I preferred it without the colour but by that time it was too late.

I know it has the transparent background. I had to save a WIP screenshot. Leave me alone I just like his hair shading.

#I will now tell you all about how the words to Hurt Someone fits with the AU #much like I did with the Puff the Magic Dragon theme song when I was listening to that on repeat #OK so hear me out #the first line is 'everything that's evil is all coming back' and I don't have much for this one but it could apply to #perhaps just the League or the Liberation Army or whatever they are stepping up their game #but then the second line is 'everything that haunts you appears in the black' which made me think of Shirakumo's face in the Kurogiri mist #next up we have 'everyone that loves you is letting you down' #think 'let down' as in Whoops Your Friend is Dead #could also apply to the chapter where Aizawa shuts down Yamada's efforts to talk about what's going on #whichever floats your boat #the chorus is of course 'you gotta hurt someone' but instead of taking this literally think more emotional hurt #after this part we get the switch to villany. We are on the dark side now folks #'showing off your scars' speaks for itself. He has a scar. Whatever. #'hating what you are' applies to the angst. the regretting becoming a villain part. the Whoops Shouldn't Have Done That part. #next line is 'the parts of you that dream are gagged' and to be honest I started losing steam around here. #general loss of hope for the heroes I guess #and I don't really have anything for 'love what cures your fear. Eat what keeps you here' #maybe you guys can help me out with that one? #but the rest was good. right? #you can tell I've just found a song I like and begun a downward spiral #I'll get back to you once I hate it #bnha au #mha au #hizashi yamada #villain!mic #loudspeaker au #tried to brush some dirt off Yamada's knee yesterday but he almost escaped #if this guy gets out one day I don't know what I'm going to do because I'm scared of squashing him if I try and pick him up #or dropping him or whatever #he's just a little guy

[ground-zero-idiocies]

shit i forgot a title uhhhhh

Fallout 4 Characters on a Minecraft Server

Cait: Will refuse to play. Just a flat out refusal. Don't even try to get her to play! You are wasting your time.

Codsworth: He will play with you any time! If you need some iron, he'll go mining. Need some string? He'll do the dirty work of going out at night and slaying the spiders. If he can make you happy, he will, especially if all he has to do is play a computer game.

Curie: She is a huge fan of Minecraft and playing with her friends on the server. She mostly keeps to herself, and likes to build large hospitals in villages and cure zombie villagers with her 'advanced' methods. Everyone else pretends that they don't know that all you have to use is a weakness potion and golden apple so she can stay happy and busy. She ends up working with Piper and Valentine to make the village even better.

Danse: At first, Danse won't see the value in such an open-world simulation. However, after Nora forces him to play for a little while, he instantly gets hooked. He barely puts down the tablet to eat, sleep, and put a new fusion core in his power armor. He tries to justify it by saying that he's training himself to be resourceful, but he just wants to build his little house and keep the villagers safe from the zombies and the evil pillagers.

Deacon: Deacon is a destructive force of pure chaos. He loves tnt. He uses command blocks to spawn massive cubes of tnt over Danse's village, and doesn't ignite them - but he lets Danse know that he has a fire arrow trained on the cube's location...just so he knows.

Desdemona: Dez does what Dez does; secretly stealing all of Father's hidden goodies and killing off the skeletons he trapped to protect his base. She likes the game, but she always feels like she has something better to do in the real world.

Father: With X6-88 working for him, he already had a headstart. He went with what he knew and built a giant underground base with walls made of pure iron block. To stay safe, he imprisons skeletons and gives them iron armor and keeps them trapped in little boxes to serve as turrets. He really likes playing the game, but he really doesn't add anything to the experience.

Gage: He's greifing. He's griefed everyone on the server except for Hancock and Father, the first out of respect and the latter out of fear. He's quite rich, but he also keeps losing his goodies hey where did that nether star go?

Hancock: If he can't do drugs in the game, he might as well do them out of game while playing. He likes the game, but he likes it even better on a combination of psycho and jet. Nobody really knows what he's doing, but he's having a good time and not doing any harm so the rest of the guys just let him be.

Jack Cabot: Cabot becomes a redstone engineer. He's already a genius, so why not carry that over into game? The only people who will actually buy his creations are Maxson; Preston would, but he can't afford it. He builds giant flying machines and turrets for the bad elder, as well as for himself. He is responsible for 80% of the server's lag alone.

Longfellow: Longfellow became one of the richest people on the server because of how Minecraft fishing works. The RNG Gods blessed him with a luck of the sea III fishing rod on his third attempt, so he has a massive library of enchanted books. He gives most of them to Maxson and Curie, he just wants the fish and junk.

MacCready: Ol' Bobby Mac really likes the game, but he sucks. Sure, he's good at fighting, but all he wants to do is build a house and it just ends up looking like:

|———|

| |

|———|

Maxson: He's all about the defense, baby. When he was building his bunker, he found a massive vein of diamond ore, and he protects it with his life. His bunker is right next to Father's, so he rigs it with hundreds of traps and defenses, provided by Cabot for a reasonable fee.

Nick Valentine: Valentine just wants to have a good time with the game. He works with Piper and Curie to make a great village with ethical trading halls, hospitals, even roller coasters and bakeries. It's a favorite pass-time of his, along with the mint chocolate chip ice cream subroutine.

Piper: Piper built the town's roller coaster, boat race track, and library, where she collects Longfellow's discarded enchanted books.

Preston: He's a farmer and he provides food to the town. He doesn't make very many diamonds selling his crop, but he's ok with that. He wants to help, and he keeps the others from starving. Thanks, Preston.

Scribe Haylen: She’s the most helpful player ever, maybe second to Codsworth. Need wood? She’ll grab it! Need an obscure flower from 9000 blocks away? Why not! The best.

Strong: STRONG LIKE THE LITTLE ONE-HEAD BRAHMIN AND HAS PET. KOW GIVE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS. JUST LIKE MACK BETH SAID!!

X6-88: Why would he waste his time actually playing the game when he can hack the server instead?

#oh x6-88 #fallout #fallout 4 #video games #fallout 4 companions #companion #fnv companions #nick valentine #bethesda

[cafeinthemoon]

Founders with s/o who’s struggling with depression and alcoholism 💔

This request  was made by @akimurachang (@nakaakiko​) and since i’ve already had some ideas for a scenario/situation like this, I decided to write it. Thank you for requesting this and for trusting my capacity to write it! Also, I hope you can forgive me for taking this long to do so. I will try not take so long to make requests from now on. Please people be patient with me, I'm trying my best XD

So here we have the Founders finding out their s/o has problems with alcohol and depression because of the proof that’s all over the place (broken bottles, etc.). How would they react to this? What would they do to take care of their loved one?

I’ll be using the same scenario for all of them, which is they going to their s/o’s house to find out why they didn’t attend to a mission about which they talked the day before and then finding s/o lying unconscious in the living room with a dripping bottle around.

Fandom: Naruto | Founders

Symbols: 💗 | ◻ | ▶▶

Warning (s): mentions to depression, emotional exhaustion/trauma and alcohol, minor injury

Hashirama 🌱

The thing with Hashirama is not that he doesn’t know that something’s not right; instead, his first reaction is to refuse to believe in his eyes

But all the signs are there for anyone to see

The missions you didn’t attend to and never justified your absence

That time when you casually met in the village and he noticed you were talking too much with a strange alteration in your tone

Somehow a mess in your house that persists and seems to increase in the weekends

A broken bottle you tossed into trash and that small cut in your hand you got while taking out the glass

Your physical tiredness (a result from your habit of using alcohol to replace food) and a decrease in your reflexes and other skills as a ninja

Hashirama is not stupid; he sees all of this

But is hard to accept that you, his strong, brave and lovely s/o could be a victim of such thing

That day when you don’t apply for the mission about which he talked to you the day before, he goes to your house to see if you’re okay and what he sees there is heartbreaking

You’re lying unconscious on your living room’s couch, and a bottle is dropped, its content dripping out and staining the floor

He takes the bottle out of the way and looks closer at you. You have an exhausted expression, your lips had some remaining drops of alcohol on them and your cheeks were wet with what he noticed to be tears

He takes the bottle to the kitchen and tries to wake you up

You wake up dizzy, with a some sort of numbness in your muscles and a terrible headache

When you recognize Hashirama by your side, you suddenly remember the mission

But before you can speak, he explains that he already sent other person in your place and that for now you have to take care of yourself

He tells you to stay where you are, because he’s going to run you a bath

When everything is ready, he takes you to the bathroom and helps you to take off your clothes and to find the shower

After the bath, he takes you to your room and leads you to bed, saying he’s going to prepare some food (it’s obvious that you’ve spent the night before and the morning drinking and haven’t eat anything)

He brings the meal to your room and doesn’t let you leave until the bowl is empty

Then he tells you to take some rest. He leaves eft a wood clone with you in case you need something while he cleans the house

With all the minor inconveniences fixed, you have time to focus on the primary stuff

Hashirama has a way to make people be honest while talking to him, and this works on you too

You tell him your story with alcohol since the start, when you drank for the first time and when it became a real problem. You reveal to him what you feel before, during and after drinking, your fears, your insecurities, your reasons and your failed attempts to stop

He is a good listener, has empathy as no other, and most important, he’s never judgmental

He assures you he would never be disgusted or look down on you because of your problem, which was your biggest fear and your reason to not speak out before

Hashirama is not he most practical person around, so he has a hard time creating measures to help you

In this matter, you show to be more prepared than him: you suggest not leaving anything that reminds you of alcohol at your sight, not going to places where they offer alcohol and things like this

He uses your suggestions to create codes you can share in case you need immediate help

You reschedule your free time to keep your mind occupied with the things you’re good at: if you feel useful, necessary to yourself and the village, your self love and self respect will grow, and with them you will to overcome your problem

He also says that if you feel comfortable, you two can seek for advise with someone who’s been through the same as you

It is true that after some weeks of improvement, there are some relapses and you are caught drinking again

And maybe Hashirama doesn’t show necessary firmness when this happens

But he compensates this with his ability to transmit the strength of his will to other people

Hashirama doesn’t let you give up on yourself, because he knows that this is the key to your cure and he wants you to be aware of that too

When you are with him, you feel like everything is possible and that even someone with your problems can be saved

Tobirama 🌊

Now, with Tobirama things seem to happen faster

Because he's not blind to the signs

So he doesn't take long to take some action

He has been observing your behavior for a while now, but never interfered because he was hoping that you would reach out to him sooner or later

But this doesn't happen, and when one day you don't show up to the mission you were assigned to just the day before, he decides to stop waiting and to do something

The first thing Tobirama feels about the situation is frustration

He thinks you weren’t being honest with him for all this time, and that you don't really trust him

In his mind, it means that to you he's not important enough for you to share your stuff with him

Tobirama doesn't say anything. He just goes to your house to confront you for your reckless attitude

Yeah, you might have some trouble in your personal life, but neglecting your obligations? That's too much

However, none of his previous observations have prepared him for what he finds there

Lying on the couch, unconscious, visibly exhausted and with a bottle on the floor right under your hand, you were nothing like the person he knew

He starts to question himself: did he take too long to do something to help you? Was it his fault?

Being the practical person he was, Tobirama doesn’t waste time with deliberations and approaches you

He’s not a medical ninja, but he doesn’t have to be to understand what happened there: you emptied that bottle, passed out and didn’t wake up because you probably started drinking late at night

He also notices that the skin of your face is a bit clingy: tears rolled down on it hours before

Tobirama’s first measure is to create Shadow Clones to work on your house while he is going to take care of you

While there’s a clone organizing the living room and other two or three verifying the conditions of the other rooms, he uses his sensory abilities to examine your chakra flow

It’s not that good

He uses some basic healing technique to bring you back to consciousness

When you wake up and understand what’s going on, you try to explain and apologize all at once, but he tells you to stay quiet

You do it, and he runs you a bath. But you can do it by yourself thanks to the jutsu he used on you, he goes to your room and comes back bringing you clean clothes

While you dress up and such, he goes to the kitchen to prepare some food. The Shadow Clone he sent there tells him about broken bottles he found on the trash. He dismisses the Clone and decides to talk to you later about this

You come to the kitchen and he puts the bowl in front of you

All the time you stay there in silence. It’s hard, after what happened, to have Tobirama’s eyes on you and not feel judged

You’re in the middle of the meal when you stop eating and break in tears

You hide your face in your hands, so you don’t see him approaching; you only notice it when you feel his hand on your hair

He invites you to a calm place where you can talk without distractions

You accept the invitation and he uses his Hiraishin to take you to a river’s shore

At first, you don't know what to say and he doesn't know what to say to encourage you. But you have known Tobirama for a while now, so you have no choice but to accept that the first words won’t come from him

You don’t try to justify yourself or explain your feelings right at first. You just tell him the sequence of events

He listens to you without interrupting, nodding to confirm he’s following everything. It’s always strange when you have to open your heart to him, cause these emotional matters are not his specialty

Still, he tries his best

He doesn’t sugarcoat anything: he clearly tells you how disappointed he is, not just because you failed with your appointment but mainly because you didn’t reach out to him

He says he wants you to trust his capacity of doing anything on his reach to help you

He then explains that he’s going to be by your side for anything you need, but you’ll need to fight for yourself if you want it to work

You explain that periods of depression and relapses are common for people in your situation, and that it’s not going to be easy for him to deal with you when they happen: your previous partners gave up on you during the process

You are going to need his strength, love and patience for the whole journey

Tobirama looks in your eyes and states that you are not just his loved one; you are part of the village, part of his family, and he won’t give up on his family without trying to save them with everything he got

Madara 🔥

Well, don’t get me wrong in this one

Madara loves you and cares about you as much as the other Grandpas

But unlike them, he has a hard time to understand that even the person he loves most has their flaws and makes mistakes

With all your qualities, abilities, and after all you have been through, how could you fall for such thing?

Yes, Tobirama also finds it difficult to understand that you have a problem that you can’t fix all by yourself, but with Madara the whole question is about strength

It was never a secret to you that weakness disgust him

nd to him, your problem with alcohol is exactly a weakness

So how can he find himself by the side of someone like you? Impossible

But the evidences are all around: the appointments you’ve missed, the alterations in your behavior during weekends, the mess in your house, the headaches and tiredness on Mondays

There was one time when he noticed a cut on your hand and immediately knew it wasn’t caused by a kunai or any other weapon

When he questioned you, you lied. He knew it, but he didn’t dig deeper

However, now its impossible to close his eyes to what’s going on

You didn’t show up to the mission you had together, so he goes after you to find out what happened

When Madara finds you lying asleep on the couch, with a bottle that must have slipped from your hand and now stains the floor with the last drops of its content, he’s confused

He really doesn’t know what to think nor how to feel about the scene

He checks your vital signs to understand the seriousness of your situation

You’ve been unconscious for a couple of hours, but your heartbeats are regular; your levels of chakra seem to be normal as well, but your reflexes will be impaired for a while and you won’t be able to stand up and walk without help

When you finally wake up, you find Madara sitting next to you. It’s clear that he has been there for a long time

You’re experiencing a terrible headache and it seems that your body doesn’t respond to your brains commands

He approaches and helps you to sit on the couch

You can’t look in his eyes. You’re so ashamed that he found you in such state that you’re unable to say anything

He helps you to leave the room and says he’s going to take care of you

You’re aware of the Clone he sent to other parts of the house under the excuse of “checking if everything is in order”, but you don’t argue; you just nod and let him manage things

The first thing he does is to take you to the bathroom. You watch while he warms up the water and brings clean clothes for you

You’re so tired that you don’t even try to protest when he helps you during your bath

It’s also when he notices more marks all over your body that remind him of that one you had on your hand

When the Clone disappears, he receives his memories and finds out that you’ve tossed some broken bottles on the trash. It’s when he finally realizes that this shattered glass are the origin of your injuries

He finds some medicine for the recent (and more serious) ones and lets you resting on your bed, only returning to bring you warm food

You think of refusing it, but it smells so good and you’re so hungry you’d just eat everything in five minutes if he wasn’t there to stop you

He then brings some medicine for the headache

When everything seems to be fixed, Madara tells you to take some rest, explaining that he will return later, and you agree in silence

Days after that, your first attempt to discuss the problem is a total failure

Like, it’s clear that Madara is concerned: the idea of seeing the person he loves following a destructive path like this is intolerable

But he’s divided between this feeling and his vision of strength and weakness, which influences his manners and his talking

So every time he says “you have a weakness”, it sounds like “you are weak”

You’re already in a fragile state, both mentally and physically; you sense you won’t take this for so long

You try to explain your side to him, but he doesn’t seem to understand

Finally you become angry enough to tell him to just leave instead of wasting his precious time with a burden like you

There’s something in Madara’s silence that seems to tell that he regrets the way he talked to you, but no apology comes from his mouth and he in fact leaves

The days pass and your situation only gets worse: while you drown in your alcohol addiction, he suffers for both of you but doesn’t take action anyway

When your absence is noticed by other ninjas (in the village itself and in missions), Madara puts his pride aside and goes after you

He comes at the last moment

You’re on a pitiful and also dangerous state

He immediately takes you to the village’s hospital and asks Hashirama to examine you, which he does, not without scolding his friend for his attitude

This time, Madara is too desperate to argue

He spends day ad night by your side, and makes it clear how much he loves you

When you wake up again and find him there, you read the regret in his eyes

He tries to say something, but you dismiss his attempt, making a sign for him to approach

You say that you current situation is like the one a war would put you through, and that you can’t get out of it by yourself:

“I need the greatest warrior beside me to win”

He kisses your forehead and holds you as tight as your conditions let him

“No. I need the greatest warrior beside me. Forever”

#naruto headcanons #tobirama #madara #hashirama #hashirama headcanons #hashirama x reader #tobirama headcanons #tobirama x reader #madara x reader #madara headcanons #founders

[ablackfangirlwrites]

72 hours

When you find out you only have 72 hours left to live and you only want to spend it with one person

Keigo | Hawks

"Hey, Kid."

Keigo said walking into your hospital room.

"....hi..."

Keigo tilted his head sympathetically usually when he called you kid you'd pout and argue that he wasnt that much older then you

But instead you gave him a weak smile

"Aw, whatever it was it couldn't have been that bad." He teased you.

The two of you had been friends for years

Keigo wanted to see you give him a real smile

When he first started being a hero thats when the two of you met

It actually was an accident

He was chasing a villain through a crowd and the villain decided to use you as a distraction by throwing you in the street

And he saved you

Once the fiasco was over you had found him and thanked him for saving you

And from then on the two of you hit it off

But only as friends

You knew he was a busy hero he didnt have time for a girlfriend besides the two of you were only friends

Plus there were so many girls that wanted him too

So what could you offer? It was easier to just stay his friend

And he had the same thought pattern more or less

Just stay your friend that way he could be close to you

Better he stay your friend then potentially mess up something by being in a relationship with you and you guys have a bad break up

"I'm gonna die Keigo..."

You told keigo trying to keep your from crying

But it wasnt working your were in tears

"What?" Keigo frowned walking further to your bedside

Eailer that day you happened to be close to a villain attack and ended up getting hit by their quirk in the crossfire

Whiched landed you in the hospital

And from what the doctors and police had told you apparently the villain that they were chasing was very dangerous and had a life shortening quirk

"They said I have 72 hours to live..."you sobbed

When you told keigo that he already figured out what had happened to you

And for the first time in his life he felt truly devastated

You were the first friend he had since he left from all his training from the commission

You were the first person he was ever in love with

And you were gonna die

"I dont wanna die keigo." He could hear the fear in your voice

"You're not gonna die Y/n," he tried to consoled you "I will figure this out, I wont let you die."

He was about to get up and leave but you quickly grabbed his hand

"Please don't leave me."

You weren't close to your family and Keigo was the only person you had left

"Y/n...I cant sit here and watch you die...I have to figure something out."

"The doctors already said there was no cure....the police said the same thing everyone that villain hit died three days later and I know you know that."

He did know it

The villain that hit you was on everyone's radar and he had killed a lot of people

And now all he could do was be angry that he wasnt the one who caught him

Cause if he was you wouldn't be in this situation

He knew there were so many attempts to stop the casualties from dying but none had worked

The two of you sat in silence for a while neither of you knowing what to do or say

Finally keigo spoke up, "What do you wanna do?"

Trying to suppress a cry, you'd whispered, "everything."

Up until now your life hadn't been that eventful

Yes you went out with friend and had good times but there was still so much you didnt do

Hawks sighed, "fine then we'll do everything."

"Hawks that impossible I dont-"

"We will do everything we can for the next 72 hours." He cut you off

"What?"

"We're going to do everything. Everything and more whatever you wanted to do in your life we'll do for the next three days." He told you.

You protested but keigo wasnt having it

He got and started to pull you up with him

"I wont let you go dying sad and alone in bed. We're going to take these next three days and live."

The two of you would do just that too

He'd take you everywhere he could too you'd see all the big sight of your city you lived in but never had the time to go see

He take you to eat all the food you ever wanted to try

Everything that you wanted he provided

And you enjoyed it as much as you could on the first day

By the second day you were so tired from all the excitement you wanted to stay home but Hawks insisted that you didnt

Things were bittersweet but the two of you were making the most of it

On the second days evening you were at a bar and you got into talk about all the other things in life you really wanted

"I wanted to get married you know Keigo..."

He would just listen to you

"I wanted to get married and live in a little apartment with my husband and just kiss him when he left for work and be so happy when I saw him come back. We'd be so in love... I wanted to have children too...I mean at least one" you were smiling as tears started to fall you wanted that life with him but you knew it was unlikely and now you knew it would never happen

"But I wont get any of that cause some stupid villain..."

"Then marry me?" Keigo said

You laughed but keigo grabbed your hand

"Marry me f/n? In the morning let's do it."

"Keigo-"

"I can't give you any children, but shit-" keigo had been feeling so many emotions with all this going on but he kept up a smile for you

"I hate that it took this all to happen. But I do love you F/n...more than a friend, and i would be so happy if you married me tomorrow."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing.

"You're serious?"

He just nodded

Not knowing where to even start you cried boy happy and sad tears telling him "Yes!"

"Keigo I've loved you for so long!"

And for the first time the two of you shared a kiss

First thing the next morning the two of you went to the court house to make it official

The two of you were so in a rush you didnt even get real rings instead the two of you bought ring pops

Hawks got you a cherry flavor one

And you got him watermelon

The marriage was simple and quick

The two of you didnt want to waste any time together

Cause these were your last 24

You did a few couple things but more than anything you just wanted to spend the rest of the time you had with him

Hawks got the two of you a honeymoon suite

Where the two of you laid in bed talking

Imagining what your lives would have been like together

Things eventually got started to get a bit hot and heavy but you'd stop him

Looking away from his gaze while he was over you

"Keigo...I've never....you know.."

He'd frown, "You never what? Ohhhh." He then exclaimed once he realized what you meant

"Really?...wait so you were gonna die without-"

Feeling embarrassed you tried to to hid your face, "I know just never talked to anyone really and you were the only one I wanted for so long....and I didnt want to tell you...I didnt know how you'd react I'm sorry dont-"

"Babe, clam down."

He rested his head against yours

"We dont have too."

"But I want too." You'd tell him

And so Keigo would make love with you for the first time

After the two of you would lay there together

Smiling, "we should have done that a long time ago."

Keigo laughed, "I know right"

Laying on his chest, "We're idiots."

"I love you f/n..."

"I'm glad to be spending my last few hours with you."

You smiled and held on to him tighter

"You're the best husband I could have asked for."

"You're the best wife."

"Do you think you'll get married again.."

Keigo didnt answer you

"I want you too."

"Y/n...."

You sat up, "This is my final will...and testimony...I want you to find someone else...dont live alone and sad. our friendship is beautiful and I love you..so when I'm gone I still want you to live...live for both of us...okay?"

Keigo wanted to stop you from talking but he knew this was important for you even if he didnt want to hear it

"....okay."

"You promise?"

Keigo didn't look at you, "...promise."

You knew this was going to be hard for him it was already so hard for you

"I'm going to leave now."

"What?" Keigo sat up alarmed "where are you going?"

"I dont want you to see me dead. The last memory I want you to have of me is a happy one."

As you said that you started to get dressed

"Can I talk you out of this? Stay with me?" He wasnt ready to say goodbye

But you said no

By now you only had about two hours left and your mind was made up

"Take this." He got up and gave you one of his feathers "so I'm with you."

"God, that's cheesey." You tried to laugh

But he didnt show any emotions he just wanted to be with you anyway he could "Please."

You nodded taking his feather and the of you shared your last kiss

Then you left

Keigo didnt sleep that night he only wondered what you were doing

After that night Keigo never saw you again

He didn know where you went he only knew you were gone

Keigo wasnt really the same after you were gone he did everything the same

But something was always missing

His best friend

But for your sake he did what you asked he lived

#hawks x you #my hero academia hawks #hawks x reader #bnha hawks #mha hawks #hawksbnha #boku no hero academia hawks #keigo x you #keigo takami x reader #keigo x reader #bnha keigo #my hero academia keigo takami #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #bnha headcanons #mha x reader

[lucky4in]

Magic Interferes in New Orleans

Prompts from Piccadilly's book #3

Words used: ☆matriarch ☆throat ☆impossible ☆vinegar ☆apology ☆slice ☆microwave ☆raspberry ☆choose ☆snore

God! I can't take it. The dread is killing me. I'm losing all the blood in my fingers with how tight I'm squeezing the steering wheel. The honking around me is not helping. I can feel everyone's fear collectively as we sit in agitated traffic. Stress. Fault. Jitteriness. Indifference. Panic, panic, panic.

God, I hate being an empath. I can't even hear my own thoughts. I need to breath! Yeah. Take deep breaths. I'm not far from the U-turn lane. So what if traffic is moving 1 millimeter a minute? The storm can't be faster.

Hooooonk!

Beepbeep!

I have to get out of this situation before I have a sensory overload.

From my front and my rear, I'm surrounded by vehicles. I can't move back, I'll hit someone. I can't move up, because they'll think there's space to move and I'll be more stuck than before. Looking to my right I realize the road across the gate is fairly empty. That last car I saw go that way was 40 something minutes ago.

I gulp loosening my grip from the wheel but still holding it firmly in my palms. Taking a breath I turn the wheel and step on the gas. My car races through the grass and crashes though the metal gates. With a screech, my tires are finally rolling and I'm off. Towards the dark clouds like a fool running blindly into a lions den.

When I finally catch sight of the curling palm trees and the flying debris, my weariness is replaced by anger. We had a plan. A simple schedule. Prepare emergency food, water, and medicine, flashlights and documents, locate nearest shelters, fill up gas tank, clear the yard, and turn off the power. When the evacuation order is set, I would be too far away at the time, so my husband would get the kids from home and we...would...evecuate.

Evacuate.

We would meet at the nearest shelter with our separate cars...

Unfortunately, my...sweet...dearest mother decided to take it upon herself to pick up the kids herself...and NOT evacuate. Instead, she wanted her grand babies to feel safe during the storm and cook them a nice meal...at her house.

I almost had a heart attack when my husband said they weren't there. Instead, a note was attached to the fridge reassuring us that my elementary school kids, including a baby, did not infact disappear off the face of the earth. She wants them to feel less threatened and stressed over this "flood nonsense". Make it seem like a regular thunder storm.

Except it's not a thunder storm! It's a hurricane!

I told my husband not to worry about it, I will get the kids and be ok. The hurricane is suppose to be a bad one, the weather man said. Anything left undemolished by the storm by the end of this would be a miracle. Hopefully it won't be my sanity. I swear, she's impossible.

By the time I get to her house, the streets are flowing with water and clawing up her driveway like waves at a beach. I step out and my shoe kerplunks into the water. I groan, feeling my ears eject hot steam. I stomp onto her porch with a squish, squish, squish and jam the key into the lock.

I kick the door open and slam it shut, my anger seeming to accelerate as soon I step inside. I cringe a bit, noticing my youngest asleep on the couch.

"DON'T SLAM MY DO-" my mother sticks her head out through the kitchen doorway and spots me.

"-Oh, hi baby!"

I stretch a tight smile, coaxing my child back to sleep. "Hello, mother."

"You came just in time. I just need to get a few things done before we eat."

And there she is. Like always. Not worrying about a thing while marinating apple cider vinegar on peices of pork. Probably to slice into the-

Sniff, sniff.

-gumbo. Her calm persona was infuriating. Almost insulting.

"Too bad my son in law couldn't be here. He'd love to stuff his face with the beignets" she continues.

"He's at the shelter. Kinda like we're suppose to be" I say, honey tounged and all "which begs the question..." I lean in, my palms face down on the table. "Why aren't we there right now?" I sneer, bringing my voice down.

"Because there's no need to. You know that" she says simply.

"Maybe in your case, but not mine. You just felt entitled to do things your way. Like you always do. I had everything under control and-and you had me worried."

"You know nothing was going to happen to these kids. I knew nothing was really wrong."

"If you really felt so aloof about this, you should have stayed yourself. You can't just up and take my kids like that. We've talked about this."

She finally looks at me, turning away from her task. "I should be free to see my own grand kids whenever I want to."

"I would have probably excepted that, if we weren't in the middle of a god damn hurricane-"

"Momma! Momma look!"

I was interrupted by my two children excitedly telling me that a pie was on the way. All while showing me their hands, proof of a raspberry massacre. Animated. Passion. Triumph. Pleasant. I ruffle their heads with a quick "good job" and they ran off together. Their happiness almost cures my frustration. It does calm me down a bit though.

"Is is so much to want to keep your family safe" my mother asks.

Aaaaaaand its back.

"Is it so much to just listen to me? To just let me do things my way? I am in no less danger than you are just because I dont have the same... tools that you do."

"It looks like it puts you in a lot of danger if you have to evacuate the city. You could simply come here so momma can protect you."

"That makes me look like a normal person, mom. The streets are already flooding and a ton of people just saw me go the opposite direction. I look stupid and suspicious." I'm taken back to my teen years. Having a similar conversation with my mother. "Not everything can be solved with your protection. I can make my own decisions. But instead you undermine me and tamper with everything around you. Just because I dont have it, doesn't mean I cant keep my family safe or simply be a mother. How about, for once, you let mother nature do her job."

"Your father made this house with his bare hands, rehydrating himself with his sweat. No one is touching this house. Not even Cosmo's or Gaia or whatever." She huffs and turn away. A puff of steam emerges over her head, indicating she opened the pot of Gumbo.

"Well, when your the Matriarch, you can start making the rules around here."

Realizing an apology isn't coming, I groan restricting myself from wrapping my hands around her throat. Its silence between us, as there is after every altercation. Especially when the house is mentioned, cause it's always Papa's house. He passed away before I could even learn to speak his name. Mama always told us about Papa. How she met him, how he put her on her feet and built a house for her (it was told he even built the bricks holding this house up), how his devotion to his family and the love of his life lasted until death did them part.

"What makes you think I'm going to be the next Matriarch?" I ask, slipping in the kitchen chair.

"You will. It's a family tradition that you need to uphold. And you are the only girl conceived by me." She answers, this sounds almost rehearsed.

"Why don't the others take your place?" I ask, for the millionth time.

"It's only rare that a boy has ever been in place of a woman. And once a girl was brought in, he was removed immediately."

"If it's that simple then crown them and get it over with."

"Oh, do you think it's that easy"? She quizzes, slowly turning to me.

"Knowing you, probably not."

"Hyde is much more coordinated than that. If they really didn't think you were worthy, we would have known, but I always knew you were special."

Here she goes again. Hyde,, is supposedly the person that gifts the family with magic, life, and girls. It's the spirirt who thrones and dethrones us. No matter who we are. According to mom, the next Matriarch could be good or bad, Hyde has a plan for them in the end.

Along with Papa's stories, Hyde was always directed towards me because I was the only girl, excluding my half sister. Truthfully there was no way to know if Hyde was actually real. I'm not even sure if my parents have seen it. Mom would tell me tales at night of different women throughout our generation, chosen by Hyde and how I would be like them someday.

Perfect.

"Hyde doesn't give you this gift for no reason" mom reassures "they always have a plan. You can't see everything in a negative light. What if Hyde chooses Clio and you-"

I stop her at the mention of my youngest name.

"I'm not putting that responsibility on my kid" I say sternly, though It probably won't matter what I tell her "Especially if, no offense, she ends up like you. Completely dependent on Hyde's gift. IT didn't give me any when I was born, like the rest of you, and I'd like it to stay that way."

Silence once more.

"Perhaps you're afraid-"

"I'm not afraid-"

"-its okay."

"-Of this imaginary ghost."

"Sure, keep believing that. But when it happens~" she sings.

"When it happens to me, pigs will fly" I sneer, memories of that same sing song tone prodding at me.

She says nothing.

"Just let it go mom, it's just not meant to be. I'm not a child that you can hide under your wings when hail comes. However your gifts came to be, Hyde, the house, whatever, it must've skipped a generation."

She continues to stir. She sputters "but-but the family-"

"-The family doesn't know what's best for me and neither do you. I know I'm the only daughter to the Matriarch. I know I wasn't born with any gifts like my siblings. I know refusing my path makes me an ungrateful child and Hyde will handle me" I say reciting what I also heard throughout my life "But that's not my life. And I'm not defenseless."

She freezes. More silence.

"And, I mean, it's not like having voodoo is easy. It consumes you and it messes a lot of things up. This worlds order and the next."

"That's what the council is for" my mom mutters finally.

"Oh, right. The council. The same family who's just as dependent as you. Do you even remeber a time where you haven't used your gift and actually did things yourself?"

...

...

"Don't you ever think of letting go of this life? Doing things for yourself and not the family? Hyde? Papa's house? I notice how this changes you as you age. If this is the answer to our problems I wouldn't mind the sea taking this house away for a while-"

"Mama! Mama!"

"Wow, look."

I follow my kids voices and they seek for me, a glimmer of wonder and awe in there wide pupils. My 2 boys are pointing to the window in the living room. My sleeping child is now up, standing on her toes to see what her brothers are looking at.

As I begin to walk In the living room, they're rushing back to the kitchen. I take a peek and see a part of the lawn, including my rental car but the road and the neighborhood is gone. A large amount of visible debris is covering up the world around-

No.

No.

That's not debris. That's not wind.

I follow my kids. They've opened the screen door and ventured into the back yard. I race after them and stop in my tracks. The water barrier has followed us to the backyard. My kids are screaming and dancing in the sprinklers as the hurricane is trapping us in its second eye. The oceanic barrier is circling around is, refusing to touch the property. With my kids instructions I look up, the sky is dark above us like it's the dead of night, yet inside the barrier, its murky like a cloudy day.

I can't concentrate. Excitment. Curiosity. Shock. Chills.

I sigh as my daughter wobbles to me and I scoop her in my arms. I can see it now, worst hurricane in 6 years and the Crobitt house still stands. This is similar but not related to the instance when a pair of swings at the run down school across the house seemingly froze in the air a few years ago... CIA is currently investigating...

I gather my children inside, they were starting to go towards the rushing ocean and who knows what'll happen. I shut the door with a defeated sigh and sulk at the table. The beneits sit gracefully with their powder sugar and I worship it by stuffing it in my mouth.

"I told you..."

I look up. My mothers eyes are glowing that familiar bright green and she has that devious smirk on her face. She always gave me that look as a child as if she's trying to tell me something. That, or it's to prove something, which I still dont know. I dont think I ever will.

"...you're father built this house. No one is taking it from me..."

...

...

"Now, elbows off the table."

-------

If you like to write or be creative, perhaps you need inspiration, go check out this book! Its the best!

#neworleans #magic #voodoo #hurricane #Matriarch #tradition #fantasy #gumbo #raspberrypie #spirit #writethestory #writer #writting #piccadillyinc #originalpost

[compassionatereminders]

"it's a sign of an underlying issue"

Yeah, I know. But I feel like I should have it managed by now. It's been a problem my whole life, and when I had to work to eat, I was better at getting out of bed and washing myself at the very least. But without the schedule and structure of having to work or literally starving, I can't even do the things I LIKE doing. It's so frustrating.

I had anoxic brain damage right after birth and a history of mental illness/developmental delays, but my dad believed in me, that I could be independent. But... he also pushed me too hard. I'm only motivated by fear, and so that's what he used. I don't know if I CAN be independent, and especially in the wake of his death that's a hard pill to swallow.

It's not that I don't know what needs doing, but the severe inability to start doing anything means I just watch my world rot (sometimes literally) around me.

It's humiliating to live like this. I've been drilled, hard, to never take advantage of anyone's help, but that means asking for it feels really, really dangerous, like biking across a highway. The idea of being dependent on someone and treated like garbage again scares the shit out of me.

I have neurological issues, too, and I've started the process of getting a neurologist. The appointment is in May. I hope that this inability to do things is similarly neurological, and that it can be cured, but at this point I've tried nearly everything else, and it's not looking likely.

I don't know. If my dad saw me now, he'd be furious about how I was spending my time and money. I want to honor his memory, because I really do still love him, despite everything -- and more than anything else he wanted my sister and me to not have to depend on anyone. It's just becoming increasingly obvious that that may not happen.

Nobody takes me seriously when I say this, though. I'm "too smart" for that. I just need to "try harder" or "get a change of pace".

I'm sorry to unload like this. But, god, everybody in my life is saying that I really can do these things, that they're easy. And... they're simple, yes. But not easy. Not for me by any means. I feel broken, man. And all my friends and family are outright denying my reality. Maybe it's to make me feel better, but it just makes me feel broken.

Thanks for listening,

Cas

I know exactly what it's like to struggle and yet be told that you're "too smart" to struggle like that and that it must be a simple issue of not trying hard enough. I've been there and I feel your pain and frustration. Just know that no matter what other people might think, this isn't just you being lazy. So I encourage you to work on letting go of the idea of total independence. It's a myth anyways, even for neurotypicals. You're allowed to reach out and ask for help. You don't have to keep suffering alone. I'm sure that if he had to choose, your dad would rather see you happy and stable than independent and miserable.

#chat with kat #internalized ableism tw #diagnosis denial tw

[theangrypokemaniac]

Since no one cares about Alola I can therefore say what I want.

Team Rocket's Pokémon are all worthless toss. That's such a surprise from this oafish writing team.

Remember when Jessie and James had two each, to offer variety? Permitting them even that is too much focus nowadays.

We don't what anything interesting going on, thank you. Repetition is what we and they deserve.

Arbok, Weezing, Lickitung and Victreebel are spinning in their graves.

Stufful was missing for three years and she displayed not the slightest pang of concern until its belated invention. Given her temper she ought to have torn the island apart searching for her baby, but no.

Not bothered about Bewear. It shouldn't really be in this list as it didn't belong to them, although catching has no value anymore.

A bit thick are we? Or conforming to the usual parental standards?

Well, she's sufficiently neglectful that she let it out of her sight long enough for it to be crushed under a tree, then was too idle to come to the rescue. In consequence he was obliged to wait days until one of Lusamine's lackeys arrived.

She's 'Mama Bear' though, isn't she?

It's based on a red panda, is partly the colour of a black bear and as strong as a grizzly, but all that is a mere cover for its true nature as a Bear-Face Ham.

The modern pretence is that everyone's a vegetarian (are they balls), and Ursa Major lives on fruit, not, you know, flesh.

Just because it there's no hibernating in the tropics doesn't mean it can get by without a salmon now and again.

The name is stupid, since a red panda is not a bear. A play on words isn't clever if based on what it isn't.

They should've called her 'Pandamonia', or 'Pandour', which is a brutal soldier.

It is at least redeemed by battering the klepto cockroach into the next dimension. Good on 'er.

Mind you, this is Alola, a cesspit of incest, so it's probably some sick arrangement, like Bewear being slipped the length by that previously unmentioned Oakie-Dokie clone.

He's the spit of Jimmy Savile, thus every depravity is on the table.

Where's Stufful's dad? He buggered off too?

What kind of name is 'Stufful'? What's it made from, 'stifle' and 'suffocation'? 'Stuffed'?

Thanks for that. Whenever I see its ovine face I'm reminded of taxidermy.

Were Ursa Minor and Bewear described as mother and son, or were they 'friends'?

A series of games involving breeding and the 'anime' is too squeamish to even imply animals live in families.

I don't care either way for Stufful, but I'd like it better if its mouth wasn't a camel toe.

I understand it's a sea creature, and the contents of the oceans are their own brand of peculiarity, but looks like a limbless, undead spaniel plagued with extra teats. Its 'ears' resemble distended mammeries.

Hey, remember that interesting, original Pokémon James had called Victreebel? Let's do it again! And again! AND AGAIN!

Victreebel is a venus fly trap: an anomaly in nature as a carnivorous plant. It makes sense that the Pokémon version would be a bit more full-on in catching a meal.

New law: Team Rocket are required to collect monsters as ugly as themselves.

Hurting James was its personality quirk, particularly to it, fitting its nature, its 'thing'. It was never meant as a template for most of what he caught in the future.

Something is funny if it happens once, and can be now and again if done with a least a little flair.

Nothing repeated as a constant leaden thud is remotely amusing, but this is an unknown fact to Nintendo bone heads. They think certain events are utterly hilarious in themselves and require no finesse in application.

They have a checklist of moments obligatory to each episode, which explains the plodding lifelessness. Tick 'em off to keep the fans from being ticked off. All we supposedly care about is each gong struck, not how we got there.

At least Victreebel used to vary its behaviour:

Occasionally it even did as told without any chomping preamble.

It didn't do the exact same action every single time it was involved!

Mostly it swallowed James.

How long was it once Victreebel was chucked out on its leafy arse before Cacnea arrived?

Oh look, it's a Grass Pokémon and attacks James!

Sometimes it ate Jessie.

Carnivine got in on the action before Cacnea's run was even up: kick 'em when they're down why don't yer?

Oh look, it's a Grass Pokémon and attacks James!

Now we have Mareanie. Wasn't there a few in between? No, shush, they don't exist anymore.

Every bloody time it came out, it turned round and punctured him.

Every bloody time.

Ah, it's not a Grass Pokémon. That makes it totally new!

Oh yes, it's the complete opposite of Victreebel. It's Poison instead. Not like it at all.

Every bloody time it came out, it'd gnaw his head off.

Every bloody time.

That's endearing.

Oh but it is! It's just showing him love!

As that makes it alright!

If a muscular man squeezed his girlfriend so tightly he cracked her ribs, is that 'sweet' because he 'meant well' but his feelings overwhelmed him? Or is it A.B.H.?

Every bloody time it comes out, it injects James's head with toxin until it swells up into purple pustule of disease.

Every bloody time.

I never took Victreebel's assault as affection. To me they were real attempts to devour James, especially with the accompanying frenzied screech. Interpreting that as a positive emotion is bizarre to me.

At soon as James found it wedged in a Breeding Centre cage and opened the door it grabbed him, which appeared to be Victreebel lashing out in anger for what'd happened in the intervening period.

What Mareanie does is worse than the other three put together. At least they delivered mere bite marks or pinpricks, but it infects James!

Whole episodes of this programme have involved a Pokémon falling foul of Poison Powder and being on the verge of death, with all done to preserve it until Ash hunted down the cure, but now it's a big laugh, apparently.

Not one character ever has the wits about them to carry an Antidote, otherwise the writers wouldn't be able to fall back on the tired old race-against-time scenario, which is no such thing as we know they won't die.

Is it likely that James is always going to end up picking a violent Pokémon, of all the individuals of a race, of all the lifeforms in the universe?

Aren't his allowed to come with their own personality, or is there a set pattern they must follow, and when caught they absorb it, for fear they might be memorable?

Mind you, it's interesting the reactions these abuses provoke:

Victreebel eats James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Cacnea impales James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Carnivine chews James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Mareanie poisons James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Meowth claws James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Jessie beats James: Aw, it's so kyewt!

Jessibelle whips James: EEVUL BITCH!!!

Mimikyu should be opposed for breaking it's own world.

To us, Pikachu is the most famous Pokémon, belonging to Ash, the protagonist, and the franchise's mascot.

To them, Pikachu is just another middling Pokémon hundreds of young Trainers catch, and holds no greater value.

It's blatantly a reference to Pikachu's real-life status, acknowledging itself as fiction. No Pokémon would hold the same significance for this design to work but him.

Otherwise why would Mimikyu, when it has the choice of every Pokémon that exists, and, if meant to be a believable world, every Pokémon we don't know exists, choose Pikachu to ape? Why wouldn't it pick a Legendary?

Alola Pikachu is looking off colour.

It's not even this specific Mimikyu, it's the entire species!

What, they work to a hive mind, incapable of individual tastes and opinions?

Do they all hate Pikachu too, even though the entire mouse population of Alola has been rounded up by that loon and trapped in a valley, or were we lumbered with the lone demented obsessive with a severe complex?

Is it well jel that Pikachu's a real one, whereas it can only manage to knock up a bog-standard costume with a face daubed by a chimp paralytic from scrumpy?

Well stop imitating it then! Invent your own design!

Oh come on. The animators can't even do that, hence its creation. You can hardly expect it to display inspiration if born from its absence.

I wonder if it hates Raichu. And Pichu. And Plusle and Minun. And the rest of the Pikachu derivatives, although it is one.

(As an aside, I don't know why Raichu, Marowak and Exeggutor were redrawn for this era, but not Pikachu, Cubone and Exeggcute. Why does the sweaty climate affect only evolutions?) 

Here's an idea: make Shiny Mimikyu have a different get up, not colour.

You can have that free, Game Freak. I'm too lenient with yer.

Presumably, Mimikyu hatches (already dead?) in all its eye-bleeding nastiness, and instinctively reaches for the discarded yellow bedsheet and pack of crayons that just so happens to be nearby, and the scissors to make the peep holes.

Them inbreds know how to litter.

Flippers?

Nah, it's probably hooks.

How is it born aware of a Pikachu's face, and why is it compelled to copy them?

Knowledge of his own ugliness is innate, thus he must cover his nakedness before it lays waste to the forest inhabitants.

Yet if you breed 'em, it emerges wearing it, like the cloth formed from left-over albumen and stained with yolk!

What's it reaching with? Paws?

Mittens?

Oh, and there was a deceased specimen in the series, so it's either a ghost, and nothing but bedsheet, or a zombie, and it's repulsive carcass has upped the ante by putrifying.

Even its name doesn't fit. Apart from the unsightly spelling, what's 'Mimikyu' about? It's not mimicking me.

Mimikyu? It should be Mimikchu!

And you know what? Even Nintendo agree their own inventions aren't good enough, because they made return almost impossible.

They hate these more than they do even the pre-Unova Pokémon, most of whom were condemned to a dark existence within the iron corridors of H.Q. and haven't been seen since.

• Growlie is such a beloved figure in James's life he's been involved all of twice.

• Dustox got pensioned off.

• James was practically bullied into gifting Cacnea to that cloying bitch Gardenia.

• Whilst he still tecnically owns Chimecho, it's as lost to him as any of them.

Remember Seviper, Yanmega, Carnivine and Mime Junior?

Hell, remember Woobat, Yamask, Frillish and Amoonguss?

Or Gourgeist and Inkay?

Of course, since the makers appear to have the Reverse-Midas Touch, Team Rocket still took that useless, wincing lump Wobbuffet to Galar instead of dumping it over the sea. Apparently we're stuck with it forever.

Arbok, Lickitung, Weezing and Victreebel got shafted, but THAT survives?

Yes? That's more the writers do. In current canon these Pokémon never lived at all. Dead memories in the haze.

#Team Rocket #Bewear #Stufful #Mareanie #Mimikyu #Wobbuffet #Alola

[miyiee]

“TOMINO”

“TOMINO”

Written By: Miyie 〴

(Disclaimer! Please do not read if you are someone who is easily disturbed, make sure you are over 13 to read this content may include violence, alcohol, abuse, and blood, Thank you!) This is not your typical horror genre, it truly describes real-life “horror.” I really wanted to bring out these situations, as there are many out there who suffer from these.) -Miyie 〴

It’s only imaginary, it’s something so forfeit, something you cannot deliberately see.

………...See, I once had this friend, it was only engraved in my mind, not necessarily sincere nor significant to me, someone that was so authentically cruel, but yet I followed…..

A bird caged-girl, as she started to plug her ears to block out the interphone chime, I am fighting with an enemy I couldn’t even see, even till the end I was leading myself to a truly unseemly thing. A leash clings on my neck, each step, each walk, each breath I took. I am always being watched by someone, something.

Who, you may ask? My imaginary friend. “And, it has been that way for years.”

“Free me, lift me from my guilt.” If it were only so simple.

1/2/1981

Ever since the day I was born into this world, I have always been those principles of innocence, my mother, my father always checked up on me to make sure I wasn’t doing anything bad and they would always find me quite strange for a child. You see, I was always talking to the wall, in the same position. “Look! Mommy, isn’t he nice?” Yes. Tomino loved me deeply, there was no doubt, but you see, this love was a strange one and cannot be explained. “Sure, whatever you say, Hika.” She leaned down and pet me on the head. Of course to her extent, mother would never believe such nonsense...I always thought Tomino was there, someone everyone else could also see…...

Not just me.

…...

2/18/1988

One day as my mother was going out to head for groceries, I stopped her, no Tomino stopped her, he

told me to.

“Please just don’t go today, I would like you to just stay with me.”

  The day after, it was reported, documented on the news of an incident that happened to be the same street my mother was just going to head to, xxx street of Zemark, a shooting happening between two drunk white men, about 12 people had either died that day, 9 injured within that store. These sorts of incidents would occur several times after then on any random day. “That excuse again?” Tomino this, Tomino that.” Mother would often say to me out of frustration. She couldn’t understand why her daughter was acting this certain way after all. 

Was I really that childish or…. Did I speak the truth?

But, you see, such kindness comes with a price. 

A promise that was forged. 

I spend the days with Tomino, we play together, talk together for hours, I drew and wrote on his requests, but one day, it seems he has gotten quite bored of my childish acts and lingers for a little more fun and excitement. He threw my painting on the floor in anger, “So what do you want me to do then?”I asked. I wished I didn’t have asked, maybe then I wouldn’t need to do whatever he said..…. It was a little dark outside for a spring season while taking multiple glances towards outside the window. He told me to “Go outside and stab this helpless squirrel with a kitchen knife, smear its blood around in a circle on this painting, and to finally make a box around it in the sand with a stick.” When I declined, he would get mad at me and would not talk to me for hours, doesn’t help me anymore, so I did it, I obeyed him like a dog.

Mother tried ever since, to cure me of this disease, this illness. She looked for any doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc. “Your child is perfectly healthy,” they said. Not even the best professionals figured it out. Tomino was always mischievous, mysterious, secretive, smart about where he moves each of his pawns. To him, this was no more than just a game.

My father abandoned me because of this, well partly. He cheated on her, secretly, but it was funny since father still had this small affection for mom, so instead, he told her a white lie. I knew all along because Tomino tells me about these things. 

I was only left with my mother. “Why me?” Why can’t I have a normal child?,” I would often hear mother mumble under her breath. My mother was no longer the kind mother I knew. It wasn’t a surprise she has become an alcoholic soon after.  

“What are you looking at? You pathetic little brat, this is all your fault!”, mother said.

“I REALLY HATE THE SMELL OF ALCOHOL.”, I screamed at her.

Miza peered in on us in the corner, she came to my house for the project.

I knew,.... She knew.

……….

Tomino would often come to comfort me when I cry, although sometimes he is upset himself and never comes, he said it wasn’t my fault. “It was Okaa-san’s fault for not understanding us enough.”

School was no different. 

“No wonder her parents abandoned her..”    

“What a spoiled child.”

“Ewww, stay away from me….”

“Manipulative bi**”

“This is all your fault!”

I have always given in the efforts to redeem myself, but they were all main just seen as an unless waste of time.

“I’m not your friend anymore! How could you do such a thing?”

Wait- KI! Wha-what about you Miza, are you going to leave me too?, I asked. Deliberately. 

She looked at me sadly but she said nothing “...........”, as she just walked alongside her other friend.

I was always the one left out. It wasn’t my fault, was it?

I had to transfer to many different schools after then. 

“Ugh, isn’t that disgusting woman her mother?”

“Why would you raise such a slut?”

It always ended terribly. 

Tears were wiped with sleeves. I weep.

So then...

9/16/1990

Mother became even more so tired of all this as each day passed by. She dressed up, packed up. Slammed the door on me.

Unknown: “Wait! What about-!”

She left me…...

 “I don’t need her anymore, I should’ve never given birth to you.”

“Don’t leave me, I promise I will do all my chores, I would never cause you any more trouble ever again, please mother!”, I layed on the floor, begging.

But, that was the last sentence mother said to me, the last she spoke to me, the last time I saw her.

“Ojii-san, Do you think it's my fault?”

Unknown: “It’s going to be okay, Hika, come with me.”

….

Years passed then, it was hard to believe. 

“Hika, breakfast is ready!” “Coming Okaa-  Ojii-san!”

“What a weird grandchild I have.”   “hahaha, Ojii-san that’s mean!”  “Come eat, child.”

“Itadakimasu!”   If you couldn’t tell already, living with my uncle was nice and comforting, for once.

“Okay, I’m off, see you Ojii-san!”

It was only us two that lived together now after dad had left us and mother had disappeared off to somewhere. Ojii-san was the only person I have now, although he is growing quite old as days pass by.

Thing was, we are tight on money. Ojii-san tries his best to reassure me and tells me to just focus on my studies but I know about our financial problems.

The only other major reason why we had food left on our plate was that “Tomino” still exists, he protects me, this was part of our agreement. I thought for sure Tomino would get bored of me soon when I grew older, but he stayed and waited for the promise we made till the very end. It seems like Tomino never really ages and he just stays the same size every day even after years. Things just stayed the same. 

Tomino grants my wishes. But, that’s it….

….

11/7/1994

I walked between pebbles, between bridges, and on bridges. Tomino follows me wherever I go. It's like he’s a stalker, but I'm used to it. "I'm fine today, Tomino, how are you? You know, I know you're there..." "Yes, whatever you say.", he replied. He raised strange doubts when I was a child, but I loved him. It was my friend after all. He was the only person who knew me well. Tomino seems to look old these days, but not so deeply.He still seems to have stayed the same even after years.

As my walk almost reached my destination, I was in the middle of walking passed the archway of the two buildings as a shortcut followed by my upperclassmen.

"Ah, isn't that Hika Normanashi?"

Please, keep in mind that……..Nobody really knows my surname. It was a secret because of family issues. Tomino also knows. And since then I haven't trusted enough people to tell them anything. It wasn’t particularly very nice to see someone expose my surname.

I felt a hand grabbed me by my wrist as they proceeded to push me against the wall as the dude kept mocking my body.

Girl 2: "Hey, knucklehead! This is it! I brought over her here."

Unknown: “This little one doesn’t seem to scream much so it’s fine boss.”

As they threw me onto the ground below them, Grabbing me and pushing my head against the wall.

"S-STOP IT! RELEASE ME!"

Girl 1: "Hey, so what are you going to do? Get your boyfriend to protect you or something?"

“……… ..!”

"Wait! Tomino, don't!"

Soon, the blood of two young girls spilled under me, on the concrete under my feet. I was soaked in blood. The young man looked at me in shock of fear as if I were the murderer.

"Y-YOU MONSTER!", he screamed.

I looked down at my bloody shaking hands. The knife Tomino has given me…...

The young man tried to resist me as much as possible, but Tomino also fled before him and overwhelmed over him. I knew exactly what Tomino wanted me to do. Through the man’s eyes, I could see what it felt like to die, the terror. "Sorry, but you’ll have to die for me, it'll be fast, I promise." I closed my eyes. I took a breath. I wondered how just how many more people do I need to kill? There was no point in arguing with Tomino. This is his identity. I’m sorry Ojii-san………. The next thing I saw when I opened my eyes were two stranded dead bodies tied onto the tracks, two trains which ran at full speed in seconds over them. The man's body was specially cutaway where the organs were visible, but Tomino did not kill him yet. It can be said that Tomino threw him most. I knew about this, the way this guy died was exactly the same as a few years ago. "........ First, a small lead ball creates a large, deep bruise and breaks on subsequent hits. Finally, the skin on the back hangs on a long ribbon and the entire area If the prisoner determines that the prisoner is dying, an unrecognizable chunk, the strike will be stopped. "

I know I'm a murderer ... my feet move suddenly. But in the wrong direction. I could not stop sitting on my lap on the lawn and staring at the dead man.

His face stared at me and wanted to return, in hopes of revenge, I knew deeply.

But, Tomino doesn’t. 

No matter how many following attempts there were, Tomino always got away with it, dragging me along. When the news of these three students was blankly announced, the whole classroom began to place the blame on me. No one dared to approach me after that. I was invisible. It was an inevitable fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe my fate.

I couldn’t bring myself to believe Tomino was so cruel. 

I couldn’t bring myself to bear this anymore. I only have hidden the truth. I knew what he meant, by those silent words.

I planned my defeat. If order to win, 

You must lose. 

To bring illusion to reality, how do you do that exactly?

How can you eliminate something you loved so much in the world?

Without a doubt, I am always attached to Tomino, I believed there was always loyalty that has existed between us.   

Tomino made me feel emotions, of all kinds. 

The emotion of being valued, the emotion of being appreciated, and emotions of hatred. 

It was only that I could never tell what his objective was, nor who he was anymore. I cannot recognize him. I cannot be an attachment. I cannot be the one to ‘change’ him. We are like the strings of, the lines, the blinds between the lies. I cannot be there for him, I must stay away father always told me. 

“One day, he would ruin you. Do not be fooled easily, do not be influenced by terrible people easily. Keep that in mind, Hika. ”

…..

Friend, a person whom one knows, likes, or trusts. 

Was there ever trust that has enveloped in this relationship. 

“Let’s stay togeth-er forever, Tomino.”

smiles*

Hey…..., that warm smile you gave me just there…..

Was that a lie…. Or was that the truth? 

Was it a sad one or was that a happy one?

Call me an idiot, although I always have the ability to read people’s expressions…..

 I could never tell Tomino’s. 

I have never thought this day would come. 

I have always thought, it was the truth. 

How could he speak so falsely?

What did you mean exactly? 

….

12/24/1995

“I’ve grown tired of you, Tomino.” , I’ve had enough.

“Kill me, how are you going to kill me?” Tomino mocked me.

” I’m sorry, Tomino.” 

And within that, the only thing that can convince us of their love for each other is the truth. 

“I cannot ever get rid of you until I die, right? I wish you the best in the afterlife ...really.”

5/22/1985

I remembered the day we met, 

The garden was so beautiful, the pond filled with koi fish were so lovely, the flowers were all so pretty, the bridge above it was so clean, but it was all so lonely. I sat there walking and running around playing by myself until I grew tired. Where you came into existence ever since. Then, we would always be together. Where he was always quiet and kept to himself, but I didn’t mind.

 “Ne-ne! Tomoi-no!.....”  “Hi-ka!”(learned each other’s names) I wrote down both of our names and embraced it with a heart, the poor boy seemed so flustered for some reason. 

“Promise me that you would always stay by my side, never leave me, alright?” He seemed hesitant at first but then offered me his pinky.

 But that wasn’t the promise, Tomino hid the truth, he wanted much more. He just wanted to take my white soul.

Thank you for your company. Your kindness, no one can pretend. The flowers were never too strong to sustain itself, and the petals would eventually overtime fade out. The grass are cut away little by little by the humans because they hate how it was. The trees are brought down by the people in order to feed them. But, these were all often done without anything in return. I didn’t want to leave because I have faith in Tomino, but that would be selfish to say that, that was the only reason why I have lived. I wished I hadn’t agreed upon our promise.  I don’t want to stay, because it would mean I would still have to call Tomino a friend.

“I have more than once tried to deceive you, but you will feel that I am now speaking falsely,” Tomino said. 

 Tomino could never touch me because he isn’t real and because he cannot touch me, he cannot stop me. I wanted to cry, but nothing came out. 

 12/24/1995

I feel the breath of life taken away from me by the multitude. 

It was getting harder and harder to breathe as each second progresses. I have always tried to kill myself before. Standing at the edge….. I was a coward I could never face death. 

“Why? All you have to do is just to “jump”? It’ll all be over, right?”

  But, one day I found myself hung.. “I’m sorry.”

And then, everything just blacked out. The man in black disappeared, everything disappeared. There was no “Tomino”. There was just a little boy, all alone forced to carry out his duty.

“Goodbye ..old friend” 

“goodbye,'' he once said.

I could almost hear him saying in response...

12/25/1994

A woman in a black dress came to settle down a few white flowers as she prayed her hands together, she spoke only three words…..,

“I love you.”

….

And soon,

 a few more and more,

 flowers were placed.  

“Happy birthday, Hika.” , Tomino smiled.

“Here’s your present!”, as the young boy cheerfully places down a small box with a little teddy bear sitting on top. 

=//[For anyone confused]// “TOMINO” is her teddy bear, a stuffed animal^^

Well? Where’d do you think Hika has gotten her present from[Teddy Bear]?  

#books & libraries #aesthetic #Tomino #writing #japan #kawaii #my writing #novel #flowers #TeddyBear #Miyiee #Miyie

[punkscowardschampions]

Hathor & Sekhmet

Hathor: About to slap myself so you'll feel it Hathor: wherever you are ain't where you should be Sekhmet: what im sleep Sekhmet: 😴😴😴 Hathor: wake up 👊🏽 Hathor: you asked me to meet you, remember? Sekhmet: I think that's tomorrow Sekhmet: I said Wednesday, right Hathor: That's today Hathor: you blackout past Tuesday? Sekhmet: You're joking Sekhmet: well then, that means I've got a deadline I gotta meet and not a whole lot of time for brunch dates Hathor: you're joking Hathor: I cancelled on a fine boy for you Sekhmet: it's so early you got time to hit it back Sekhmet: I know I didn't tell you I'd meet you at the crack of dawn Hathor: you didn't and you're late af still Sekhmet: chill sis, I'll make it up to you Hathor: yeah Hathor: anyone else'd be offended you don't ever want to have a sober conversation Hathor: but I'll see you in the club Sekhmet: girl, chill 😂 Sekhmet: how fine was he that you're all kinds of vexed with me Sekhmet: don't even care how I'm gonna make it up to you, oh my days 🥴🍆🧠 for real Hathor: he's got prospects, I'm not saying any more than that if you're not coming out 👅 Hathor: I'll care how you're gonna make it up when you next show up for real Sekhmet: ugh! living up to your name 🐮 Sekhmet: bitch I'm busy 😏 the juggle is real Hathor: you know I don't say that shit lightly except once in a blue moon, however fine a lad be looking Hathor: but if you don't wanna hear it Sekhmet: is he 🧑🏾🧑🏿 Hathor: 🥛 Hathor: nobody is more surprised than me Sekhmet: 👏🙌 yay Sekhmet: I told you, white boys are the best Sekhmet: they treat us like 👸 Hathor: It's his Irish accent tricking me Hathor: I gotta take a trip back and cure myself Sekhmet: awh, you're homesick, precious Sekhmet: now it makes sense why you wanna tie me down Hathor: can barely understand him he's from so far north, more likely that Sekhmet: throwback 📟 📠 📺 📻 Hathor: get the psych dept to pull their shrink shit on me about it Sekhmet: You wanna be just like Vee, sorted Sekhmet: take my PhD now 💁 Hathor: be more disrespectful! first you stand me up and then put that out there Sekhmet: 🤭 you've got a ways to go, even if you're rolling mad extra today Hathor: I didn't ask 👼🏽💘 to 🎯 me up in the 🍑 Hathor: got my own things I'm busy with Sekhmet: love is magic 💖 Sekhmet: don't be complaining in my inbox when I'm tragically single Hathor: I've been serving and swerving him for long enough I thought I'd succeeded, there's the complaint Sekhmet: 🙄 you can't ❌ feelings bitch Hathor: white boys are a different animal, I ❌ the fear of Sekhmet: 😍😍😍 Hathor: I'm not here to be treated like a 👸🏽 if that's one step away from being called 'exotic' Hathor: there's nothing sexy about a power imbalance Sekhmet: most girls would disagree, babe Sekhmet: why do you wanna be run of the mill every day when we been #blessed with this 🔥 Sekhmet: all black guys wanna chat about is my light-skin privilege and their black man struggles, I can't 🥱 Hathor: fetishization like that ain't foreplay I'm interested in Hathor: 👑 me for other reasons than my melanin Sekhmet: insecurities SNAPPED, I'm sure he likes you for more than your skin, you crazy Hathor: he likes me for how I pour measures rn Sekhmet: racial Sekhmet: that's why everyone likes you 💃💃💃 Hathor: on account of being a poor student not Northern Irish, don't be biting the hand that feeds your blackouts Sekhmet: my white boys always pay Hathor: #blessed innit Sekhmet: 👸😇 tings Hathor: which white boy you with ignoring your deadline then? Sekhmet: whoever it is they've gone to work Sekhmet: but they left a 💳 with their cute note so I know I'm in a good postcode still 🙏 Hathor: so come meet me and spare mine, that's the right thing to do Sekhmet: just 'cos it's good doesn't mean I'm not lost still, damn Sekhmet: hold on and let me get dressed and get my bearings Hathor: if your phone ain't drained I can use it to get your bearings while you serve a look Sekhmet: who doesn't have a charger in their hoe 👜 PLEASE Hathor: you didn't know what day it was, can't blame me for 👶🏽ing Sekhmet: where would I be without you 😘 Sekhmet: mum hasn't phoned me in ages actually, it's so rude Sekhmet: I missed the last few but still Hathor: I hit her with your highlights, creatively Hathor: like how I won't mention a white boy making me feel like a baby 🐮 that can't walk Sekhmet: 😶😶 Sekhmet: dad would 😥 Hathor: and she'll 🙌🏽 harder than you've done Sekhmet: facts are facts Sekhmet: look at her dad, Vee's... Hathor: cliches are tired and stereotypes are damaging Sekhmet: @ your white boy with the 👋 then booboo Sekhmet: I think dad's in town working today, you wanna come for dinner with us? 🥂 Hathor: he's not mine to command in or out 👅 Hathor: yeah 🍾 will help Sekhmet: I'll teach you Hathor: those twin stereotypes are damaging too, like Sekhmet: oh hush, I only tried to 💋 you ONE time and we were like babies and that boy was the first great love of my life Sekhmet: anyway, you're like hot but not my types type these days, you know Hathor: that boy was trash Hathor: you levelled up fast though Sekhmet: awh, don't be rude, I have fond memories Hathor: I have loads of him trying to ask me out at the same time Sekhmet: oh yeah Sekhmet: I forgot that happened Sekhmet: his hair was gorgeous though Hathor: it was Sekhmet: good times Sekhmet: my new guy, not this one, the actual one, looks like old school Leo, I SWEAR Hathor: Yeah? Sekhmet: like Leo and a bit of River and Ryan Philippe in Cruel Intentions Sekhmet: 🥰🥰🥰 Hathor: love of your life material Sekhmet: definitely Sekhmet: he's a trader in the city and his apartment is 😱😱😱 Hathor: what's the age range this time? Sekhmet: he's only 26, it's mad how successful he is already Hathor: he sounds like the full 🎟 Hathor: any catch? Sekhmet: only technically Hathor: technically he's a 🤖? Sekhmet: ha, he totally has the stamina of one Sekhmet: he can keep up with me, almost 😉 Hathor: 👌🏽 he's perfect Hathor: fucking hell Sekhmet: no need to be jealous when you're 🥰 yourself Sekhmet: what does he look like? Hathor: Tall enough Hathor: more like a 🥊 than a 👼🏻 Sekhmet: you really do wanna do great grandpa Sekhmet: jk, he sounds so you Hathor: he does work for the main brewery that supplies us, maybe I do Hathor: Jesus Christ Sekhmet: 😂😬 processing that Sekhmet: not really though, every boy I've ever dated has been like dad, it's unavoidable tbh 💁 Hathor: in our postcode nobody's trying very hard to be anything else Hathor: 💰💳💎🍾 Sekhmet: why would they? Hathor: they wouldn't and they aren't, it'd be terrifying for any of those boys to step out Sekhmet: 🙄 you aren't going to throw yourself down a ladder when you're at the top, babe Hathor: wouldn't kill them to give other people a hand up though, they just act like it Sekhmet: 🥱 when's your deadline? Hathor: my work's done Sekhmet: then button it, loser Sekhmet: you wanna eat out on this nice rich boy's 💳 Hathor: ETA of 15 on getting to you Hathor: you best 🚿 Sekhmet: way ahead of you 🛀 Sekhmet: door's unlocked, our breakfast will hopefully be on the table when you get here Sekhmet: love ubereats Hathor: 🙌🏽 Sekhmet: you can bring it through, the view in this bathroom is immense Sekhmet: thought getting the driver to bring it to the tub was unlikely Hathor: he probably would but it's unlikely I'd recover from walking in on it Sekhmet: 😘 Sekhmet: do fuck with an asian boy Hathor: you don't know he will be Hathor: might not even be a lad Hathor: but if it is, guarantee they'll send the most unexpected one Sekhmet: it usually is, your stereotypes be damned Hathor: what are you gonna bet? Sekhmet: the Belgian 🧇s Hathor: you're on Sekhmet: sometimes you shock me with how green you are, Hath Hathor: back to putting disrespect on me, what a nice truce while it lasted, like Sekhmet: I mean, you know I can see the driver on my app, babe Sekhmet: no points for guessing where Hassan is from Sekhmet: you can have the 🧇s anyway Hathor: you know I can read your thoughts, the playing field is level Hathor: and anyway I like green, that's my boy's eye colour Sekhmet: been gazing into them longingly across the bar have we🤭 Hathor: maybe Sekhmet: so cute Sekhmet: hope this one doesn't have a fiancee Sekhmet: or a maid who thinks we've broken in Hathor: if he does he better break that eye contact with me Sekhmet: I meant Mr Black Card, don't worry Sekhmet: he's a student, yeah? he won't be Hathor: he's only got a year on us, I don't predict an engagement Sekhmet: yeah, doubt it Hathor: outside of our family people aren't usually that extra Sekhmet: some of the asian internationals are but they usually cheat if their intended ain't here yet so Hathor: Yeah Sekhmet: what even does an engagement mean anyway Sekhmet: not much, right Hathor: a flash 💍 Hathor: what's my course teaching me if I don't know the statistics on how often a wedding follows? Hathor: shows how outdated it is Sekhmet: he gives me that anyway Hathor: I'd take a phone number and be happy with it for now Hathor: but it's probably the party and that whole flex too, right? Sekhmet: the dress Sekhmet: but it's irrelevant if it doesn't happen, like you said Hathor: 🎁🎁 even if it doesn't if people bring them for the engagement as well, but you're not going short of any Sekhmet: right Sekhmet: 😥 if you need a wedding for attention Hathor: Jay's birth mum QUAKING Sekhmet: omg I bet that's EXACTLY what his fiancee is like Hathor: does he ever speak about her? Sekhmet: obviously not Sekhmet: but she must never come up from wherever they're from because I'm like ALWAYS over so Hathor: maybe she doesn't know about this place Hathor: old school Sekhmet: Who knows Sekhmet: can't be my problem Hathor: Yours is the day you've missed, like Hathor: what's the assignment? Sekhmet: design some sportswear line Sekhmet: got to get the sketches in by 5, but all I ordered for me was a shit ton of coffee, it'll be fine Hathor: more productive if I stay or go? Sekhmet: you've already missed your date, you may as well stay Hathor: okay Hathor: am the sportier one Sekhmet: how are you 😂 Hathor: ⚽⛹🏽🚴🏽🥊 Hathor: why dad loves me more than you Sekhmet: now I know you're talking nonsense 😏 Hathor: True, he loves Vee and she never gets off her chaise Sekhmet: and she doesn't even love him back Hathor: poor dad Sekhmet: yeah Hathor: what time's dinner with him? Sekhmet: I'll ask him when he wants to go Hathor: about to come up, so whatever you were planning for Hassan, this is me Sekhmet: regrettably noted

[recovering-witch]

Hey! Do you habe tips on coping with weight gain when in eating disorder recovery? I'm now just starting recovering and I'm panicking the hell out for the weight gaining and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm scared that once I'll see how much I gained, I will right away fall straight back down. So do you have tips for coping with weight gain? Or your eating disorder recovery experience from the very beginning? Thank you! Love you!❤❤❤

It makes me super happy to hear you’re recovering!!!

baggy clothes are e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g

leggins or elastic pants are gifts from heaven. use them well, harry

if you can, take your sick clothes and donate them, rip them apart, burn them in the stake. whatever you need to do to get them out of your life for good. for me its a pair of jeans but basically, if its tight or if you used them much in your worse moments, kiss them goodbye, they’ll only trigger you in the future. you can either buy cheap clothes, or ask clothes borrowed from your mom, sisters, brothers, even friends. 

gather all your strenght and delete body checks, unfollow/block triggering accounts, unfriend toxic people

make your selfies not body-focused. you wont mean it that way but subconsciously, you may tend to do body checks out of pics that otherwise would just capture happy moments!

take a lot of pics about your life!! capture the simple things

which leads to this piece of advice: try to pay attention to whats going on around you! when you’re recovering, sometimes you tend to pay way too much attention to your inner world: aka, thoughts. “but I am getting fat!” “no I cant do this, I want this to stop” “its too much food” “omg I feel so gross, I want to die”. Okay. but what’s going on around you whilst you’re either panicking or riding the guilt trip? does that food look good? how does it smell? who made it? how does it taste? what are other people doing? how’s the weather? how does the sun feel on your skin? what thas the air feel like? is it warm? chilly? are there any kittens or puppies close enough for you to pet? are there flowers to watch? look at the colors, the textures. feel things

I cant stress this enought but stay away of scales.

and mirrors.  specially if you get easily triggered, avoid anything that would end in some sort of body check.

which brings me to a weird tip: shower at night with the lights off. I know it may not be ideal, but when the sun is set, you turn the bathroom’s lights off and light like a candle or something and you shower in the dark. for me, seeing my body was unbearable so it helped me to enjoy the shower without picking at myself for getting bigger. you can also put music and sing along.

watch a lot of tv shows. read a lot of books. find a fandom that will suck you in and help you not overthink things. for me it was harry potter. I spent all summer eating and gaining and I swallowed fanfiction as much as I swallowed food and let me tell you, it helped a lot.

ART THERAPY!!! which in my world means you grab a crappy notebook or set of papers, scisors, glue, colors, watercolors (anything that moves your boat, really) and try and do something creative. If you are not super creative (like me), start by copying drawings from tumblr, insta, pinterest or just google. then gradually move on from that to your own creations (I guess I am stuck at stage one hahaha damn)

JOURNALING!! which also means grabbin a crappy notebook!! and a pencil!! and writing about your day, your fears, your concerns, your feelings, your recovery wins, your highs, your lows, your dreams, your poetry, your thoughts, your short term bucket list (there’s no hurry. set goals you can achieve within a year. keep yourself moving, doing). its super important to include the good stuff as much as the bad stuff. dont use your journal just to vent, use it to write down positive stuff too, so on the bad days you can go back to those entries and remind yourself that ‘this too shall pass’ and that you wont be hurting forever. and learn from the ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ entries. 

you can mix your artsy stuff with your journaling stuff (I do and it makes everything look and sound 100% better)

comfy shoes 

sleep as much as you need. seriously. when I first started that part of my recovery, I used to sleep until 6pm almost everyday. 14hs per day, give or take. I NEEDED THAT. 

if you need to stay up late and be by yourslef, quietly sitting at your computer or watching movies or reading or whatever, do it. there were times I stood up late enough to see the sunrise, which I had never done, but there’s so much beauty and piece that early in the morning.

challenge yourslef everyday. at least a little bit. and notice I am not talking strictly about food. for me it were things like “make your bed” or “brush your hair” or “get out of the house for at least 10 minutes”. somedays you wont be able to do it and that’s gonna be okay

keep yourself busy. remember that gain weight is not the end of the world, but feeding your ED is gonna be the end of your world. and remember that saying yes to dessert doesnt make you weak or less than a person and it doesnt mean you’re instantly cured or that you were never sick in the first place. which brings me to this: RECOVER AT YOUR OWN RATE. whether it takes you years or just months, it will not invalidate your suffering. you cant recover ‘too fast’ and even if you feel like you do, that does not mean you werent that sick. it just means you were lucky enough. it means you pushed hard enough and that you were brave enough and strong enough to quickly accept the changes that come along with recovery. 

Hope this helped a little!! I am rooting for you♥

[lets-get-fictional]

Hello! So I was scouring the Internet for advice today but I couldn't find any on this topic. My problem isn't that I don't have any ideas (I probably have too many) but the problem is that I don't LOVE any of my ideas. I like them. I think they're all fine ideas. But liking them isn't going to motivate me long enough to finish a novel. How can I give my ideas that extra uumph to make me love them? How can I figure out what's missing or why I don't feel this way about any of my ideas?

Hello, nonny!  What a challenging question… This one’s been in my inbox a couple days, just because it’s such a bigquestion.  But I’ve thought it over and I think I have some ideas for you:)

The Thrill Is Gone – How to Find It Again

So generally, there’s no one answer orcure-all to this problem.  I’ve had this issue multiple times, withdifferent causes.  My first novel didn’t have enough meat to the plot; mysecond novel had been over-planned in my head to the point that it no longerexcited me.  My third novel had way too much plot, sothat by the time I got ¾ the way through, I’d written over 200K words andfelt sick of the idea.  I started my fourth novel way too soon, and am nowgoing back and planning it more!  So there are obviously many differentreasons that a story doesn’t take off (or dries up eventually).

The first step is to figure out what’s missing, like yousaid.  There are a few aspects of your story to assess…

1. Plot

I’m discussing plot first because, to me, it’s the most importantpart of fiction.  Plot, conflict, and stakes are foremost to my stories. You could have the most complex and sympathetic characters, but withoutplot, they’re static and become boring.  But for some reason, this is thepart of story ideas that new authors neglect most!

So if your story has great characters and an immersivesetting, but you can’t get into it, try asking a few questions about your plot:

What is the point of the plot?  What’s the message you’re conveying in the story?  Even if your story isn’t an allegory or a metaphor or the next Chronicles of Narnia, there should always be a conclusion to which all plots arrive – otherwise, the story can feel aimless.  The best way to find your message is to look at the conflicts involved (e.g. Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature, etc.) and find the “winner”.  What worldview, belief, or concept “defeats” the other concepts?  It can be as simple as Good vs. Evil, or more complex, like Loving the Sincere Drug Addict vs. Settling for the Selfish Dentist (provokes the question “Is love worth danger in relationships?”).

Does the plot have ups and downs?  And really consider both ends of the spectrum here.  Stories become dull if they are made up of victory after victory – or if they’re made up of nothing but loss and tragedy.  No matter the genre, you have to strike some sort of balance, lest the story become predictable and emotionally non-engaging.  Find victories and failures, even in unassuming places, to keep readers invested and hopeful.

Do you have a satisfactory ending?  Or do you have the ending     planned yet?  I’ve found that I can’t really commit to an idea unless I see a resolution – otherwise I feel too nervous to start.  If you do have an ending planned, make sure it’s the right ending.  It can feel like there’s one possible conclusion, and once you’ve found it, you stick to it – but question it, brainstorm it.  It may not be a happy ending every time, but when you find the right one, you’ll know it.

Do you have the right plot at all?  Look at your story as a whole.  Does it start too early or too late, relative to the real meat,     the real action?  Is it told from the most impactful POV?  Does the plot cover too much ground for one book, or is it not enough to fill the pages?  Consider all the characters, backstories, and subplots you have, and ask yourself if any of them are more interesting than the main plot.  If so, shift your focus.  Use them instead.

2. Characters

Maybe it’s not your plot that’s going sideways.  Maybeyou have it all worked out – the head, the tail, the whole damn thing – butit still doesn’t feel right.  It doesn’t feel like it’s coming tolife, somehow.  It feels flat.

That can be a character problem.  It would be likesitting by the campfire and hearing the most fascinating, horrifying story,except it’s told by a man with The Most Boring Voice Who Talks So IncrediblySlowly and Takes All the Fun Out of Everything.  An example: TheHunger Games.  Those books bored the crap out of me. Unless someone was being killed or Haymitch and Effie were interacting, Ijust didn’t care.  And those books had a great plot behind them!

So here’s what you need for a good cast of characters:

A solid protagonist.  Solid = three-dimensional,empathetic, and relatable; having a goal, an internal conflict, a self-image,and fears or shame.  They should have different facets of themselves –their head and their heart, their desires and doubts, and that little voice intheir head that says, “Give up on that.  Be realistic.”  Givethem strengths, weaknesses, and a couple of bad habits, for kicks.

A variety of supporting characters.  You don’thave to have thirty characters + six secret characters stuffed under yourtrench coat; but with however many characters you have, make them as differentfrom each other as possible.  Give them some similarities, of course, sothat they can relate to each other – but never make them so close togetherthat you have to decide, “Who should say this line?  Character A orCharacter B?”  Make them unique enough that the words come out of their mouths,instead of you having to decide where to put the words, yourself.

Relationships, relationships, relationships.  AndI’m not talking about romantic relationships.  I mean, sure, those too –but there are many different kinds of relationships to explore. Friendships, enemy-ships (?), parent relationships, sibling-ships, silentalliances, “annoying friend-of-a-friend”-ships, “my-ex’s-little-sister”-ships, “you’re-the-ruler-of-the-galaxy-and-a-Sith-lord-but-also-my-dad-please-stop-being-evil”-ships… You get the idea.  Make them unique, make them strong, and allowthem to evolve over the course of the story.

Diverse morals, interests, and personalities. My first short stories focused on white middle-class people who were culturallyand politically identical.  They lived in one house, usually, and watchedthe same TV shows and made the same references.  They had the same senseof humor.  They rarely disagreed on anything that wasn’t clear-cut(e.g. “You drank the last Pepsi!”  “I was thirsty!”).  So doyourself a favor and don’t make my mistakes.  Give your characters uniqueethics, cultures, backgrounds, personalities, goals, appearances, andconflicts.  You’ll be more invested by then, I’m sure.

3. Setting

Lastly, I’d like to add that while your characters and plot could be well-developed, there’s always a chance that they’re placed in the wrong setting.  This is why many story ideas can seem great, but won’t get off the ground – maybe they’re set in a pre-made universe like Middle Earth or Panem when they could be their own story.  Maybe your tragic romance is set in the middle of apocalyptic war, when instead, it should be drained down to a period piece.  Maybe your story is perfect, except you’re writing it too close to home – in the real world, in the present year.  There are a million factors to picking the right setting, including:

Applicable history and culture.  If you’re writing a story about someone who’s oppressed, or someone who’s a politician, or someone who’s a witch, you’re going to need to back that up with history.  Develop a history for the oppression or politics or witchcraft – where these things began, how they developed over time – and a culture for them now – how oppressed people survive and how witches in your world interact, etc.

Imaginative scenery, influenced by the characters.  Even if your story takes place in New York City in 2017, allow your characters’ living spaces and workplaces to have a unique touch – colors and quirks that your readers can see in their mind.  If even you can’t see what you’re writing, inspiration is going to be difficult to find.

A lifelike background.  Just because the plot focuses on your characters does not mean everything going on behind it should be quiet and dead.  Anyone who looks out a window in a city building can see other people living – people on the highway will see other cars taking other people other places.  Everyone who has a friend will hear a little something about their friend’s siblings, their friend’s friends, their friend’s neighbors.  Life and stories exist outside of your plot; make sure you’re not writing about a ship in a bottle.

An aesthetic.  That sounds gross and teen-tumblr-y, but let me tell you personally: I don’t feel truly ready to write (and love) my story until I can hear the music for the future movie adaptation – until I can see the kind of clothes the people wear, the games they play, the places they eat and shop.  I think of the colors and themes in my scenes (e.g. my first novel was set primarily at night in a grunge/city setting; my current novel is very green and outdoorsy and gives me that feeling of bonfires just after sunset).  Once you get that “feeling” from your story, you’ll know it.

Anyway, this reply took me like three days to write because I really wanted to get into it.  I hope some of this helps you to fall in love with one of your ideas, so you can get started :)  If you have any more questions, be sure to send them in!

(I have 26 questions in the inbox, though, so be patient with me…)

If you need advice on writing, fanfiction, or NaNoWriMo, you should maybe ask me!

#writing #writeblr #writing blog #writing tips #writing advice #inspiration #novels #my post #ask #anon ask

[wolf-skins]

Hey, I was wondering if you could tell me what bpd is exactly... I saw you posted about it once and I... idk I kinda related but I don't wanna just grab something offline and slap the label onto me when I don't know what it is and I was hoping if you could explain it? If not that's totally okay cause I wouldn't wanna impose or anything

Hey! It’s no problem.

A lot of people find various symptoms or experiences with BPD relatable. This is because a lot of experiences people who have BPD go through comes from trauma, plus BPD has a lot of fluctuating mood things which can be easily relatable to anyone who has a mood disorder. It’s actually something a lot of people in the BPD community get upset about, when their BPD posts are high-jacked by neurotypicals who go: “I don’t have BPD, but…” A lot of neurodivergent people could relate on some level too.

Keep in mind, too, that BPD is a personality disorder (PD). People with PDs tend to have similarities to them, especially if they share a “cluster”. (PDs are categorized in cluster A, cluster B, and cluster C, each cluster containing PDs with similarities). I just want to clear that up first, because exploring mental illness is always going to be complicated as heck! There are so many overlapping things, and everyone responds to different things in their life or traumas in different ways, so that could also have an affect. I cannot stress enough on doing excessive research.

BPD stands for borderline personality disorder. It’s also sometimes called “emotionally unstable personality disorder”. The biggest, common symptoms of BPD are: extreme emotional imbalance (to quote someone with it, it’s like all of our nerves are exposed, and every little touch causes an extreme reaction - this meaning that the very tiniest thing can set our extreme emotions off, and our emotions completely overwhelm us until we can’t focus on anything else), extreme abandonment issues (real or imagined), splitting (black and white thinking; something is all good or all bad, no in-betweens), identity disturbance, and impulsiveness. You can read the basics about it here. 

BPD consists of a number of symptoms including chronic feelings of emptiness, dissociative symptoms, impulsivity, rapid mood swings, low self-esteem, instability in goals and self-identity, instability in relationships, anxiety, anger, fear of abandonment, and suicide attempts and self-harm. -shitborderlinesdo

Personality disorders are severe mental illnesses for which there is no cure - not even with medication. Meds can help, of course, and I personally wouldn’t be alive without them, but our biggest help comes from therapies, most prominently DBT (built for borderlines by a borderline, but it helps with anyone facing extreme emotions) and CBT. But looking into any therapy helps a lot.

A common, extremely common, theme around borderlines (but there are exceptions, as with anything) is extreme abuse in adolescence or adulthood. S*xual abuse is common and not unheard of. Another theory about why borderlines become who we are is that we may have been overly sensitive children, who ended up deprived of the attention/love/support we needed (through in some abuse, and, well). There are other factors, but that’s considered one of them.

BPD is one of the most life-threatening mental illnesses, following only after eating disorders. 

There are a lot of disorders that have similarities to BPD, bipolar disorder being a common one. Most of us end up misdiagnosed with BD because borderlines can have both manic and depressive symptoms. They manifest in slightly different ways, and people with bipolar disorder tend to have longer fluctuations between mania/mixed/depression. Their moods are more likely to last weeks or months, while ours can change within minutes or hours. 

If you feel like you relate to some of the symptoms, but not all, there are a list of mental illnesses/disorders which may be similar here. We also have common traits that are usually associated with other neurodivergencies, like child regression or stimming. 

I cannot sum up a whole disorder in one post, however. Like any mental illness, it’s very complex and the experiences will range from person to person. The best, concise (and not biased) resources I can give you are shitborderlinesdo FAQs here on tumblr: 1, 2. The tumblr is run by borderlines for borderlines, and many of the mods that built the FAQ have or are going through different psychology majors and the like.Keep in mind to avoid Google when looking into this as best you can. BPD has been mislabeled for years as The Inherently Abusive Disorder™, and there entire sites and books set up building around this idea. The most popular one lists that all symptoms of emotional abuse means that, of course, your abuser must be borderline! Because yeah, that makes sense. (Try imagining the affect of telling people that their mental illness makes them abusive by default…. well, you can see the results because 98% of us believe we’re awful, manipulative assholes lmao.)

The FAQ has a ton of information ready at hand, but I can also recommend Girl, Interrupted (the book, not the movie - though the movie is good it’s way off the mark and doesn’t represent any mental illness properly) by Susana Kaysen for an inside look into BPD. I also really like The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook, which is an easy to follow workbook for DBT skills. If you feel you can relate even on some level to BPD, learning some DBT skills will help, regardless if you are borderline or not!

If you have any more specific questions (like perhaps what posts you related to, because maybe I can also help point you to reasons why you related to those) or anything, let me know.

I’m publishing this because it’s a common question, and many people think BPD is relatable without realizing that our symptoms are so much more intense than they can imagine. That’s not saying that relating to a post or symptom is bad at all, and could most definitely point to something deeper going on within you/whomever, but BPD is also much more complex than a lot of people imagine.

I’m going to keep trying to post more info about it as I go along, bc I’ve always been obsessive about research into mental illnesses, and because it’s nice to be able to share things that can help both myself and others understand what I’m going through. If you don’t want to go through the frickton of resources in the FAQs, keep a look out for my ‘bpd info’ tag. I hope some of this helps, and if you want me to remove this from being public just let me know, and I can instead send this whole thing to you privately.

#bpd info #kyoki-no-otoko #ask #oooooh! also! you can look @ anakin or chloe as they are often described as REALLY good character reps for BPD #like once you familiarize yourself w the symptoms you can totally see it in them

[acdyson-blog]

Don't Burst My Bubble

Have you noticed that when we are born, we are not issued with a contract? A contract that reveals to us the number of days, months and years we have on earth, that is. There is usually great joy and celebration when a person comes into the world yet when a person dies there can be disbelief, anger and grief. Disbelief that a person has come to the end of their life, anger perhaps that they died and naturally grief, we will miss them terribly. But do we have any reason for our anger and disbelief? After all, we have no idea what time we have on this planet even with medical knowledge, much less therefore can we assume the length of time others around us may have. A girl I knew couldn't get over the fact that her elderly grandmother had died and whilst I felt for her, I couldn't quite work out how she had come to this frame of mind. Her grandmother was elderly, had had a lovely life it had seemed and had succumbed to death after her health declined. I know that we are on the whole more knowledgeable, have better understanding of how the world works than ever yet our reaction to the most natural and inevitable processes seems to remain the same. When my father died I was in some sort of shock, I couldn't believe that he had gone. I still speak of him sometimes as if he's still here and I have to remind myself that he isn't. The love we have for others binds us all together in remarkable and unique ways, the friendship and the memories that we share create ties that feel cut abruptly when people die. We could say that this inability to grasp death was a desire for immorality. In truth, we are living longer than ever before, if you happen to be under 40 you'll know we shall be working until we're at least 100 because the pension scheme won't be able to support a lot of long-living OAPs. I know friends who have not only grandparents, but great grandparents still living which is fantastic! But whilst the idea of immorality on earth appeals to some, I don't think that's why we cannot understand death. What I have learned from my own encounters with death is that it is the separation that truly hurts. In an age where it seems like anything is possible, and even the impossible doesn't seem too hard, death is the immovable rock. We can't beat it, we can't fight it if it comes, we can't follow those we love and it's that inaccessibility that drives us to feel so desperate, so grief-stricken. How often do we hear people say "they were too young to die?" Or "it shouldn't of happened to them, they had so much to live for?" These are subjective sentiments but the echo the heart's cry at this finality. It might sound odd but I think these feelings and emotions are there for reasons beyond what we might imagine. I believe these feelings are God-inspired; instilled within us before time to give us an understanding that there was always something more beyond what our eyes could see. We live in a visual age, Instagram for example, where we upload photos of what we're up to (or eating) but whilst these platforms can do much good for us, we hungrily devour what they offer and usually end up feeling frustrated, jealous and hungry (literally!) for more. When we can't see death it can be frightening, we know that it happens but because we can't see it we put off trying to understand it. I think that it is a mistake too many of us are making. Like I said, we don't have contracts to tell us about how long we may live, most of us would say it's good to save for a rainy day...who knows what might happen? And yes, there are will-writers and life insurance firms who are eager for you to make arrangements, what's your understanding of what happens to you when you die? In our busy, social, high-functioning, multi-tasking society do we give the last part of our life that much thought? This is a genuine question. My father thought death would be like a sleep. My mother thinks she'll join Jesus in Heaven. Other religions believe in rebirth, reincarnation and other various things. A podcast I overheard once said that there are so many religions and each of them think they're right. So how do you pick? Now I have no idea about other religions but I know that my faith is a conviction, I know that I know the same way (but lesser way) that God said 'I am who I am.' Faith is sometimes explained as belief in the unseen, yet I would disagree. I can't say I have ever seen more! Jesus may not be fleshly present but just like I know my friend Sarah exists though she is on the other side of the world, the evidence of her texts and cards over the years says she is very much thriving in China! God may not be fleshly present but how He has worked in my life, how He has helped me in the most difficult and the happiest of times proves to me over and over again I serve a living, active and present God! Our lives are like bubbles, not that we like to admit that but they are. Fragile bubbles that at some point burst. We often rely on what's inside the bubble to support and sustain us yet when that time comes, what or who do we rely on? To my knowledge only one person has beaten death, and I don't mean they were in a coma or they survived an accident or an illness I mean faced death, broke it and came out the other side never to face it again. Whilst most westerners are aware of Jesus dying for them, what that means, what it really means sometimes gets lost. It wasn't just a nice gesture. It was ultimate sacrifice to cure that crying in our hearts, it was the bridge from death to life, it is the only way we can ever be reunited with our loving, wonderful Heavenly Father. Jesus said that 'I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.' John 14:6. That yearning we all carry around with us is not some feeble weakness to not 'deal' with the inevitable but the ultimate weakness that we have to recognise we NEED something more in our lives. Most of us know that we should see a friend if we are feeling down, but how many of truly understand that the solution to our issues with death is ready and waiting every moment of every day of our life? Jesus offers so much. He offers life, He offers purpose, He offers an endless and glorious life after death! He even offers us rest. I used to be so upset as a child because I didn't meet my grandmother. I would cry at night because whilst other children had this lovely relationship with their grandmothers I hadn't, I missed what I didn't have, even though we'd never met! As silly as it sounds I fully believe many of us will put our fears to the back of our minds but in our quiet moments have this aching that just hurts beyond the explainable. We might try and cure ourselves with a number of things, relationships, work...good and bad distractions that temporarily fill the gap a bit. We have a choice, that is the most outrageous thing God ever did, was to let us choose our destiny, whether it would be with Him in our life, or without. Jesus said 'I have come that they may have life and live it to the full.' John 10:10. The Christian life is the most expansive, wide and wild walk you will ever experience. The deeper and better you know Jesus the more interesting life becomes. There's freedom away from worry and anxiety, He places your life in His hands and there is nothing that can separate you from that once you decide to follow Him. I truly believe that for my dad, he was so proud he couldn't admit to needing someone to help him in his life. Even though he was failing; he was an alcohol dependant, he had made a mess of relationships, worried about money even though he was financially stable, there were many things that made him a whole heap less fun and I may be wrong, but I believe those stresses and strains caused him to make a lot of unwise decisions that lead to his death. If we can admit we have trouble with life, admit we're not as amazing as we think we are and submit to Jesus, well I can only say that whilst my journey has been an interesting one, I know that my mistakes and my errors have all been swept up in Jesus' sacrifice and that there is nothing to big or too small that He cannot save you from. Jesus doesn't expect our perfection He just expects us to keep our eyes on Him every day. The choice is like being blindfolded and being lead or being blindfolded and left to our own devices. But we have that choice, and at some point we must choose. My prayer is that for anyone reading this that they would feel that thing within them, that voice or whisper, I pray that you would know God for yourself and not just what others say, that unique journey is waiting for you, God has his arms wide open. He loves you more than worlds and has an amazing plan for your future that is truly so much better than anything we could even dream.