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gay-otlc · 1 year

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Transmasc Lesbianism

I'm a lesbian. I'm also a straight trans man. This might confuse you, but you may want to consider looking at perspectives of gender and sexuality that differ from your own and don't fit into neat little boxes.

A definition of lesbian that has been gaining popularity in queer spaces is "non men loving non men." This was meant to be inclusive for nonbinary lesbians, as an alternative to "women loving women." However, the phrase is very flawed. I've spoken about this elsewhere, but the main points are

It categorizes all nonbinary people alongside women. In this context, "non-men" comes off as "women or nonbinary people who are basically women." Not all nonbinary people, even if they're non-men will feel comfortable being labeled as a lesbian, since the term has feminine connotations and can cause dysphoria. It's unfair to put them in this box just because they're not a man.

Attraction is complex and cannot be divided into "attracted to men" and "not attracted to men." This disregards people who use the split attraction model (different romantic and sexual orientations), people who experience alterous attraction, people with fluid sexualities, and more.

Gender is complex and cannot be divided into "male" and "all genders that are not male." The identity most blatantly erased by this is multigender identities- people with multiple genders can be both male and a gender that is not male. There are also genderfluid people who are sometimes male, demigender people who are partially male, or nonbinary people who don't identify as male but may refer to themselves with masculine terms such as boy or man anyway.

The focus of lesbianism should not be excluding men. Mindsets like this are echoing TERF rhetoric that seeks to exclude transfeminine lesbians because TERFs wrongly consider them to be men. And it's annoying to make our identity about men or lack thereof, when we don't need to be talking about men at all- our community is about our shared attraction for women, because women are great!

Awesome, we've got that out of the way. If you're still reading this and going "but you can't be a trans man and a lesbian, lesbian means non men loving non men!!!!!", then I don't know what to tell you. Read the list again? Go through the other posts linked? Maybe log off tumblr?

If you read all that and you're willing to accept that not all lesbians will fit into "non men loving non men," and you don't understand but you're open to learn, read on! By the end you might still not understand, but you don't need to understand me to respect me.

For some context, here is a description of my gender and sexuality.

Gender: I'm a bigender trans man. To put it as simply as I can, my gender is primarily male, but I also have some of the female gender. I'm comfortable being seen as solely a man or both a man and a woman, but not solely a woman.

Sexuality: I'm sexually attracted to women almost exclusively. As mentioned at the beginning of the post, I describe myself as a lesbian (or gay, sapphic, etc). I also describe myself as a straight man (or straight transmasc, transhet, etc).

How can I be both?

That's where my multigender identity comes into play. I'm a man and a woman. I'm attracted to women. This makes me both a man attracted to women and a woman attracted to women; a straight man and a lesbian.

Like I said earlier, male is my primary gender and being female is more secondary. So, I'm primarily a man attracted to women, and to a lesser extent a woman attracted to women. Internally, I perceive myself as more of a straight man than a lesbian. I get a lot of gender euphoria from calling myself a straight man, and the feminine connotations of lesbian can sometimes make me uncomfortable.

So, why do I still identify as a lesbian?

Although I consider myself and my attraction to be mostly transhet, that's not really how I interact with the world around me. I'm out as bigender to some people, but I'm also closeted in many contexts, and I don't pass very well even where I am out. This means I navigate my life as someone generally perceived as a woman, who is attracted to women. Even if I don't always consider myself to fit fully with lesbianism, a majority of people will interpret me that way when they find out I'm attracted to women.

Lesbianism is a label I found my home in, for many years, and it still means a lot to me. I spent a long time defining myself as a lesbian and existing in our community, and it's a significant part of my identity.

The way I experienced my attraction growing up was a lesbian experience, not a straight experience. I consider myself a straight man now, but I didn't grow up interacting with the world as a heterosexual child. I was expected to have crushes on boys and was mocked for not fitting into that. I was called a lesbian in a derogatory way when I was ten, and I found power in reclaiming that. When I realized I was attracted to women, I spent years feeling like a freak for it until lesbians communities helped me to be proud. Lesbian is the label that most accurately describes my history and my experience as a young queer.

Also, although the label lesbian sometimes causes dysphoria, I sometimes get euphoria from referring to myself or being referred to as a lesbian. I especially get euphoria from being a butch lesbian. I take so much joy from my butch identity. And while referring to myself as lesbian in a joking manner, with phrases like "I'm so gay for her" or "not to be a lesbian but oh my god," might not count as gender euphoria, saying them makes me happy, and that's enough for me.

So, why do I identify as a man? Because I am one.

Why do I identify as a lesbian? Because it describes my past experience and the way I interact with the world as someone perceived as a woman. Because it's important to me. Because I want to.

Why do I use these labels that contradict each other? Because these are the labels that are right for me, and I have every right to have a confusing identity.

Thank you for your time.

#holy shit this is a long post #i'm so sorry if you actually read all that. i don't know when to shut up </2 #lesbian #men and non men #transmasc lesbian #male lesbian #transhet lesbian #bigender lesbian #multigender lesbian #bigender #multigender #transmultiphobia #<- because it is transmultiphobic to be an ass to me about my identity #gender shit #pride tag #important #so many tags jfk #i will shut up now

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polyamorouspunk · 2 months

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Fully agree with you on the trans thing. It’s something I struggled with for a LONG time that I didnt *want* to be fully 100% trans. Like I fit in with trans people, I was transmasc, but I never felt *trans*. If that makes any sense??

People used to tell me all the time that I had to be trans if I checked xyz boxes. And I hated it. Now, years later, I’ve made it to a point that I just *am*. And it took me SO LONG to realize that was even an option. To just be myself without putting a label on it. I dont need to be fully cis or fully trans. Im just a little bit of everything and fully me.

It still confuses my queer friends. That I just *do not* care and dont put any importance on it. So its nice to see someone else with that opinion. Thank you

Yes!

Listen like I do not care if people reblog my posts and disagree with me. Like that’s you’re right as an individual. But what I don’t like is when I make a post talking about my identity and someone “corrects” me on it.

The problem with the push to be super inclusive, sometimes, is that people stop making it about who *wants* to be a part and who doesn’t.

I know people who are gay men who have 0 interest in being part of the LGBTQ+ community. Gay men who are like I’m not queer I’m not part of the community I’m just gay but I’m not identifying with the community in any way.

I know people who have described their “gender” to me almost verbatim the way that trans people have described to me their gender and have told me they do not consider themselves trans in any way, and it kind of sucks because I’m like… I know that if I were someone else they might put that label on that person even if that person doesn’t want it?

I’ve had people ON THIS BLOG send me asks telling me I am not trans and other people send me asks saying I’m not cis. Like lmao it’s so fucking funny pick one you guys. I gotta be one or the other- SIKE no I don’t. I’ve had people dump me over saying “I’m both cis and trans” which in hindsight seems kinda ableist because that was actually when I started IDing as plural so like. The idea you can’t be both is like. You know there are people with different experiences than you right. Like some common enough to be in textbooks. Not like some “out there” concepts like if you can grasp the concept of DID you can understand how perhaps to some degree a person can be different than their literal AGAB without being trans. Just for one example.

Sometimes I also fail to realize this but. When you reblog someone’s post, or comment on it, or send them an ask, etc… you are coming into THEIR space. I mean it very much went through my mind to be like “just ignore it” but I was like someone is coming onto MY post where I try and validate MY gender experiences and telling me people like ME are quite literally exactly what I’m talking about where I’m like actually I’m valid if I’m a little trans and outright saying “YOU AREN’T A LITTLE TRANS UWU” like. Hi it’s you you’re the problem you’re the people I’m validating myself to. Like I don’t care how politely and nicely you try and dress it up with inclusive language do not put me into a box I do not want to be put in because you think “that I have to be trans because I check xyz boxes” yeah literally. I know fully cis people who check “xyz boxes” and I ain’t out here telling them that actually they’re trans and valid for it. Like bro if you tell me you’re cis who am I to disagree.

In the near future you’ll never hear the words “I’m transgender” come out of my mouth directly. I might post it on here or say irl that I “dabble in transgenderism” but I do not outright say irl in person that I am transgender not because I’m “dealing with internalized transphobia” and “not ready to fully accept myself to be transgender in the real world instead of just offline” like no I just don’t ID as “transgender” period. Or you know what maybe I am but also who are you to say that’s what I am? How are you helping exactly? How is acting like I can’t “really accept myself for who I truly am” helping me any? Idk. Just because you have good intentions doesn’t make it better than the people who have bad intentions. Both are issues. Both are problematic.

Learn to go “actually it’s not my fucking business if someone is trans or cis or neither” and “they can call themselves whatever they want” and that includes NOT wanting to be included.

#bro like even Nimona says in the movie ‘I’m not a girl I’m just Nimona’#like I’m not a transgender person I’m just me #punk gets mail #personal

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ecoamerica · 23 days

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evilneo · 1 month

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anyway i think about the version of vrv that lives in my brain where Spork*, Swap**, and Player***, are different flavours of transfem*. and their funny little transmasc buddies

* Spork = transneutral-fem agender. they/them. low-no dysphoria, happy with how they look and get perceived <3 aroace (obviously). them and Gordon B are trained gender professionals

**Swap = butch bigender (100% woman and 100% man at the same time. but to the left bc hes a xen girldude) when he gets a better grasp on the whole "pronouns" thing hell probably try she and neopronouns but ultimately he kinda doesnt care. some random dude asks if hes gonna shave and he looks at them like theyve grown a second head (and he KNOWS humans cant do that. Neo told him). "Why would I. I need this." (it serves the same purpose as whiskers on a cat or something. leave his barbels ALONE‼️‼️‼️‼️) kinda gets dysphoria anyway when looking at humans but gets extra when looking at other women. especially other butches. little does he know hes everyone in a 20 mile radius' butch icon <3 BISEXUAL‼️‼️‼️‼️

***Player = both soft butch and casual femme Player exists in my heart simultaneously because i love them both <3 (i do lean towards femme Player more. Player skirt indulgence etc) she/her trans woman. i dont think she considers herself binary but shes DEFINITELY far on the woman axis of the spectrum. high dysphoria but shes surrounded by cool trans people 24/7 so shes got a good support system :] everyone loves her <3 Doc illegally makes her HRT xyrself <3 shes talked to a cis person like maybe twice in her life lol. i adore her. i feel like shes unlabeled but in the way of "Oghh... Im scared to label myself because I dont feel like i feel like im allowed fit into any category enough... What if Im wrong :(" and its like girl its ok.... you can do ehat you want. forever. i love you. shes the last of the 3 to come out bc shes got 10000 neuroticism, and Swap is chill about gender. Swap takes his a lot of his stress cues about gender from Neo while Player takes them from MALCOM. yeah. Neos like the genderdog they put in the gendercheetah enclosure to keep them calm, and Malcom... is Malcom. dude is a MESS. and Spork came out pre-canon. Sporks been out for YEARSSSS. theyre secureslaying

#neo.txt #vrv thoughts #maybe vrv was about transgender solidarity all along #hlvrv #swap #player #spork #i really love when the footnotes are longer than the actual post. awesome!#anyway look at and rb my swag headcanons #LOOK at my transfem hlvrv manifesto #malcom #neo

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transenbyconfessions · 11 months

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my sibling has some very exclusionist opinions and it makes me sad.

i brought up how it's possible to experience gender in the same way a typical woman does, but prefer labels usually associated with a typical man, such as he/him, sir, guy, etc. she said this literally isnt possible because gender labels exist to label gender and you can't go against it. i told them i sometimes go against it, because even when my gender sort of feels more feminine i still hate feminine terms and love masculine ones. she said it's different because i'm genderfluid. i doubt they'd be accepting if i told them i'm actually demifluid/bigender (idk, maybe both), half transmasc half changing.

she also asked "why would someone who identifies as a woman call themself a man?" and got mad when i tried to answer that the person wouldn't indentify as a woman, they'd indentify as a man, just have similar gender to most women.

i also a bit ago tried talking about how mspec gay/lesbian discourse was upsetting me, because everyone should be able to be themselves and if someone doesn't like it, they can just not interact with people who feel mspec fits them, and how people with contradictory labels aren't hurting anyone. they got really upset about it, which surprised me because i thought they would understand?? idk

i wasn't trying to start an argument either time, i was just trying to have a conversation with someone i thought was on my side and would understand me. but i don't think they're safe to talk about these things with anymore :(

oh well i guess

Submitted May 11, 2023

#demifluid #bigender #transgender #trans #enby #nb #nonbinary #non-binary #non binary #trans masc #transmasc #trans masculine #transmasculine #gender expression

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intersex-questions · 6 months

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hey is it bad/weird to ID as a cis dude if I'm intersex and was assigned female at birth?

Thanks for sending this in! This is a good question.

By common definition, a cis male is someone who was assigned male at birth and is still male/identifies as male (not accounting for multigender people--multigender people who were assigned male and still are male often will not label as cisgender).

However, in many ways, intersex people have an inherently different experience than perisex people. Concepts like assigned gender at birth, transgender, nonbinary, and the gender binary can become confusing, obfuscated, or inherently connected to being intersex. It is much more common to see deviance in the usually common understood definitions of things like cisgender and transgender when the individual is intersex.

Although terms like cisgender and transgender are obviously useful, it is undeniable most people don't consider how intersex people fit into them. And how every intersex person wants to fit into them varies depending on each intersex person.

Intersex person A could have been assigned male at birth, but lived their entire life since childhood as female and had an entirely "cisgender" female experience. This person considers themselves transgender, because their gender/gender identity doesn't match the gender they were assigned at birth.

Intersex person B could be in the exact same situation. They were assigned male at birth, and lived their entire live as female and had that same "cisgender" female experience. They consider themselves cisgender because the gender they were raised as being, and for medical purposes, their gender, is still their gender.

How you individually choose to label, identify, or just be is a personal decision up to you. I do not think it is bad or weird at all for you to label/identify/be a cis male/cis dude. You know yourself, your body, and your reasoning better than any other person could ever know.

Will some people find this confusing? Probably! Will some people think you shouldn't do this? Also probably. Do you owe them an explanation? No. Does this mean you shouldn't do this? Also no.

In my personal experience, people within the intersex community are far more accepting and understanding of genderfucked (I am using this term because this is the actual common term for experiences like yours--genderqueer is also one, but genderfucked inherently plays with "fucking" with understood experiences of gender identity on a different level than genderqueerness) experiences than perisex people. Many perisex people, including trans ones, will try to defend the rigidity of labels/identities/ways of being, although it's worth noting that these people are generally transmedicalists/exclusionists of queer ways of being.

I absolutely support the obfuscation, deviance, or general fuckery of terms such as transgender, cisgender, nonbinary, FTM, MTF, transmasc, transfem, etc., by intersex individuals. But I also support this for perisex individuals. Every individual knows themselves better than I ever could and their reasonings for labelling/identifying/being a certain thing. It is not our place to decide for them what they can be. I support genderfuckery and genderqueerness for everyone, although I am only talking about it in an intersex lens because you are intersex and this is an intersex blog.

So, to reiterate. Yes! You absolutely can. Genuinely, you can do whatever you want forever with queer and gender ways of being. It's worth nothing there will be people who don't think you shouldn't do this or not understand, and you might want to consider that or acknowledge that, but I personally think you should ignore them and do what makes you happy and feel right. If you want to be or know that you are a cis dude, then you are. Don't let other people put you down. And I said this earlier, but really, for any sort of identity or way of being...you don't ever owe anyone an explanation. You can just be. You don't have to justify it to people.

This answer is obviously biased from an inclusionist intersex and inclusionist queer perspective, as well as someone who supports genderfuckery (which is something even inclusionist queer people don't support sometimes). I hope my answer helps you some and gives you perspective and encouragement! Whatever you choose to do is up to you. Ultimately, you don't need my or anyone else's approval. Do what you know is right for you, regardless of what others say.

#asks #Anonymous #questions #advice #genderfuck #gender

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the-amber-droid-dreams · 2 years

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wait so not aggressive or trying to start a full blown debate here but in regards to your last post, what is an mspec lesbian? i've also heard the term thrown around in twitter discourse and the like but still have no clue wtf it is if you could explain in like,, very simplified terms i'd really appreciate that

ofc anon ! always happy to help

this post is usually my go to for definitions, resources, exclu talking points, and history but ill try to expand a bit on those definitions here with my own experiences to help along and make it more understandable

(its gonna be a long post though sorry, its kinda hard to make it short while also making it as understandable as possible !)

oh and quick note : mspec stands for multi attraction spectrum aka labels like bi, pan, omni, etc. NOT for male spectrum

Split attraction

Yk how ace ppl arent always aro ? Thats called split attraction, and its not just an ace thing. Some ppl are for example homoromantic bisexual or panromantic homosexual and might call themselves mspec lesbians. Personally, im romantically attracted to all genders but sexually attracted to only women !

Mspec lesbian is easier, quicker, and more comfortable to say than the whole "mspecromantic homosexual". Plus barely anyone calls themself a homosexual anymore unless its a joke or theyre a "homosexual female" terf which is,,, yuck

Huge preference towards women

Some ppl like multiple genders but their attraction towards men is so rare that theyre functionally a lesbian

The only time i was ever attracted to a man (in a non comphet way) was a purely romantic crush at 14

I dont want to completely ignore that side of me, bc i Am mspec and i do have the potential to be attracted to all genders, but at the end of the day, my attraction to women is much more frequent and important to me

Calling myself a lesbian just makes sense to me. It communicates what i want it to which is "i like women"

Im not sure ill ever like a man again, so calling myself just mspec feels a bit strange to say the least nor does it communicate what i want

Calling myself both mspec And a lesbian is like saying "i like women !! ,,,and maybe more" which is the most accurate and true to myself

Liking multiple genders that dont include men / Liking women and nonbis

"But nonbis are included in lesbianism !!" and youd be right to say that ! However, not all nonbis are comfortable being put under the lesbian label

Also, lots of ppl seem to define lesbianism as "attraction to women and nonmen" which is,,, not a great definition and just creates a new binary

Nonbis come in a million different flavors and not all of them fit in the "non men" category. What abt transmascs, genderfluid ppl who are sometimes men, and mutligender ppl who are part men ? Are they included in lesbianism ? If not, what do you call someone whos attracted to women and all nonbis but not binary men ?

For a lot of people, the answer to those questions is mspec lesbianism

Reclamation of historical definition

Lesbian didnt always mean exclusive attraction to women. It was used a lot more like sapphic is today. However, this changed with the rise of political lesbianism and lesbian seperatism

Political lesbianism is a political theory that was spearheaded by cis white lesbian terfs in the 60s and 70s, such as Sheila Jeffreys. Its the idea that sexuality is a choice, and that women should choose to be lesbians to free themselves from the patriarchy. It considered lesbians to be ideologically superior to wlm

Lesbian seperatism is a severe form of political lesbiansnism, and is the idea that women should have little to no contact with men at all

This hurt a lot of ppl including mspec women (for liking men), trans women (for being amab) and woc (for working with men of color towards liberation)

It was gross all around and mspecs were pushed out of their own communities. After all that and stonewall, we started getting more bi exlusive groups and orgs which is really wonderful ! Still, some ppl werent too happy and chose to call themselves lesbians or bi lesbians regardless

The trend of reclamation has been ongoing since then and theres tons of historical examples

theres some other definitions like fluid attraction and questioning between mspec and lesbian but i think those cover the main ones !

if you have any questions, or would like me to clear anything up dont hesitate to ask :]

#half the reason i have anon on is so ppl can come and ask me abt exactly this topic #im very happy to educate ppl and share my experience !#amber actually saying stuff #mspec lesbian #ask

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randomnumber27 · 1 year

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I think of gender, sexuality, etc like ice cream

Everybody has different tastes, like with ice cream, there's some who are cisgender or heterosexual, which I'd say would be vanilla

There's some who are transfem/transmasc or homosexual, which I'd say is blue moon or bubblegum

There's some who are bigender or bisexual, which I'd say is ube

There's some who are pangender or pansexual, which I'd say is pineapple

Then there's agenders, aromantics, or asexuals, which I'd say wouldn't like ice cream and get like a slushie instead

Genderfluid, grayromantic, or graysexual would probably take different ice reams depending on what they're feeling

There's some who are like a mix of both, such as genderfluid, biromantic asexuals, they'd probably be any type of ice cream that they're feeling + ube, and a slushie on the side

There's those who are even more into the gender spectrum, like demifluids, koiromantics, or pomosexuals. They'd all get their own thing like, the gender they're feeling partially+the gender they're being fluid with at the moment(demifluids), the ice cream they talk about(talk to in a person's case) or see more frequently(koiromantic), or even though they like ice cream(or maybe they don't, who knows) they would reject an offer to get ice cream(pomosexuals)

You just never know. Some people finally eat a different ice cream when they turn 40, and realize they like that more(vanilla to blue moon, or straight to gay). Some people were experimental as children, and ate different flavours and realized which one they like best, even though they liked vanilla first(vanilla to bubblegum, or cisgender to transfem)

Some people just go trhough them all throughout their life, and decide wayyy too late(eating vanilla as a child, three different flavours as a pre-teen, five flavours as a teen, four flavours as an adult, then finally decide what they see fits best, or what I mean is being cisgender heterosexual as a child, three different genders/sexualities as a pre-teen, five different genders/sexualities as a teen, and four different genders/sexualities as an adult, then finally chooses)

Some people just eat 1-3 flavours in their entire lifetime and stick with it because they *know* they won't like the other flavours

To all those struggling with identity: you don't have to know right now, we all have different tastes and different ways we experiment. Just know, the way you experiment is nothing less valid than the way others do it. If you want to take your time, then take your time. If you want to speed up and try new labels as quickly as possible to find the right one, do it! Just don't let your identity stress you out or cause problems with your life. Also know: you are never alone, people are always there for help.

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daemonhxckergrrl · 1 year

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hi, so i do have a question regarding trans people- i want to start off by saying that i completely support trans people and people should have the right to do whatever they want to as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, and i would never side with those who try to take away someone's autonomy. that being said, why do people want to be the specific genders(men, women)- what exactly does one feel? is it identifying with gender stereotypes? wanting the other kind of body? i can understand why someone would want to be enby, but can't seem to understand specific reasons why people would want to be transmasc or transfem etc. i've read posts before where people have wanted to be women/men because of gender stereotypes- they wanted to play with dolls/liked feminine/masculine colors/clothes etc. but it's obviously something that shouldn't be stereotyped against and anyone should be allowed to play/like anything they want to, whether it's feminine or masculine. so what exactly is it that makes people want to be either? again, though even if i didn't understand why someone else felt that way, i fully support them.

okay i've taken some time before answering this. hopefully it's helpful.

first thing: ask a different trans/nonbinary person and you'll get a different answer than mine (gender be like that).

second thing: tldr short version here !!! gender identity (internal sense of self) and gender expression (external performance of gender) are often related but are different things. you're asking about gender identity, but the ideas you've worked through are more about expression (body, colours, clothes, toys etc.)

so, assuming you're cis, ask yourself "why do i want to be the gender i am?" and then think about if it would be different for a binary trans person of your gender.

third thing: longer/more detailed answer under the cut

by "specific genders" it seems you mean "binary genders" (some nonbinary identities are vague while others are specific; "droid" is a pretty specific gender, as is "stargender" etc.)

what one feels (and how one might describe it) depends on the person. for some it's a connection to gendered language, or methods of expression like clothes and interests (hey some people personally fit stereotypical gender roles and that's okay), or a sense of community (being grouped w/ other people of that label even if you can't explain why it feels 'right')

body types is a whole other thing, given there's already a lot of variation within "typical male" and "typical female" bodies (in the cisgendered, perisex sense) and then you introduce intersex bodies and then you introduce the variety in how trans people choose what bodies they want (everything from no operations no hormones right up to hormones and surgeries and other operations to get as close to a "typical" cis perisex body of that gender as possible and everything in between)

do you see being nonbinary as a single thing ? or as an umbrella for a multitude of things ? or something else ?

also a lot of nonbinary people identify w/ transmasc/transfem terms bc their transition experience is sometimes shared w/ binary trans people, or bc they consider themselves trans (not all nonbinary people do) and also masc-/fem-leaning in identity, or for other reasons (there's also nonbinary people who consider their identity fairly close to their agab and describe themselves as both trans and masc/fem in that context)

part of wanting to do [stereotypical] thing is that you were denied it in childhood and it's reclaiming that. the way gender plays into it is that you were denied it because of gender stereotypes. ofc some people like feminine things but are still men and vice versa, but also yeah getting euphoria from enjoying a "stereotypically" masc/fem thing you were previously denied is very much a thing for some people

another way to look at why people are binary trans is this: look at why people are binary cis. i'm gonna assume you're cis here, so ask yourself "why do i want to be the gender i am ?" and that's gonna be similar to why a trans person might want to be that gender or why a different trans person might not want to be that gender

#Anonymous #DATA_REQUESTS #trans stuff #gender

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transmascissues · 3 years

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im transmasc myself and while i agree w the stuff in your pinned readmore thing im a little confused on how we are supposed to have grown up inherently different from cis women, or how our dicomfort with our gender is somehow innately different because we came to the conclusion we are men or otherwise trans. i dont think i completely agree. i think a lot of cis women go through much of the same, and possibly the exact same, discomfort we do because being interpreted as girls in society, or being dfab, is a difficult experience for most, especially for people who are gnc.

i think it really comes down to how we decide we are going to label ourselves or whether we pursue medical transition? a cis woman may be dysphoric in the same way we are, but decide she is not trans and is going to try to be comfortable with her body the way it is for whatever personal reason. she wont face the same stigma we do navigating society as transmasculine people, but we dont have to have an innate difference from her for our identities and our systemic oppression to be real, ykwim? like i can share the exact same thoughts and experiences as someone who decided they werent trans and still be trans myself, because being trans is an action i have taken to treat my dysphoria. i dont have to not feel like other girls (not saying this in a demeaning way just phrasing it like the post you made)

here's the thing: being trans as someone who was afab is about WAY more than just discomfort with being seen as women

first of all, it's not just about the discomfort - my experiences of gender euphoria are far more indicative of my gender experience as whole than my dysphoria is - sure, a cis woman could feel uncomfortable with what being perceived as a woman is like, but do they feel the same absolute joy when they're called a boyfriend or a brother or a dad or when they see their name next to "mr"? do they feel like everything in their life just makes more sense when they fit into it as a genderqueer man (in my case), or do they just not like what it means to fit into it as a woman? because there's a big difference

my point is, at the end of the day, it is impossible for me to have the "exact same thoughts and experiences" as a cis woman because those thoughts and experiences include Not Being A Woman, so anyone who shares my exact thoughts and experiences is necessarily not a cis woman

i think the real problem here is that you're viewing transness purely as a series of actions (social transition, legal transition, medical transition, etc)

sure, it might be that to you, but for the majority of trans people, it's so much more than that - i'm not trans in order to treat my dysphoria, i'm trans because my gender isn't the one i was assigned at birth, and that would be true regardless of what actions i take, because for me and most other trans people, transness as an identity and transitioning as an action are two separate (albeit often closely related) things

sure, our experiences don't HAVE to be innately different from cis women's for them to be valid, but that doesn't change the fact that (at least for most of us) they still are innately different - sometimes things are just true even if they don't need to be

and i would caution you to be VERY careful generalizing the idea that being trans is nothing more than a treatment for dysphoria, because that's the exact logic a lot of t/er/fs use to argue that we should just find "other treatments" (aka usually conversion therapy) and not let anyone transition

and on top of the t/er/f issue, this logic also suggests that discomfort is the main experience of being trans, which allows cis people to keep portraying it as a mental illness / generally bad thing, and also fucks over anyone who wants to transition to achieve euphoria even if they don't have the associated dysphoria (for example, i'm not dysphoric about my lack of facial hair but i AM euphoric when i see myself with facial hair so one of my transition goals is getting some facial hair - it doesn't matter that i'm comfortable without it because i would be even more comfortable with it and that's what SHOULD matter)

to give you a somewhat simplified answer to your question: our discomfort with womanhood is different from a cis woman's because our discomfort is part of a much larger internal experience of a different gender, and theirs likely wouldn't be solved by living as a different gender because that wouldn't align with their internal experience (as evidenced by the cis women who have transitioned and later realized it wasn't the right path because that wasn't the real source of their discomfort), so while the discomfort might feel the same on the surface, it comes from a different place and will have different experiences attached to it

#ask answered

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transtenzin · 4 years

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TRANSFEM NON BINARY JINORA, i literally can't stop thinking about her, she is so amazing, literally mae i am begging you for more, i already told you my small hcs yesterday 😭❣️❤️🌈✨🥺

😭😭😭 i know and i loved them... your mind...

but like... bro..... before i even start i want you to know transfem nonbinary jinora is just 200% projection. mentioned her a little bit in my nonbinary tenzin headcanons but she deserves her own 20 posts.

so yes jinora is transfem and nonbinary ❤️

she originally came out as a trans girl because at the time she thought the label fit.

being her though, jinora does a lot of reading and research on gender just because she wants to know stuff--especially when she’s reading about katara and aang and everyone, there’s a lot of language used for aang especially that she hasn’t heard before. it’s most gender-neutral equivalents of titles and stuff like that, but it does make her curious.

like even though pema is trans and she would answer any questions jinora had, and tenzin would be able to answer others she had about aang specifically, jinora is also big adhd and after one book about aang, it goes to another book about aang, and then a book about gender, and then ANOTHER book about it, and... well, she has found out a lot more than probably either of them might have been able to tell her.

she eventually comes across a book about other trans people’s experiences with gender and she’s reading it like........ huh... isn’t that interesting

pema and tenzin kind of start to notice like haha... hey jinora... u can talk to us about anything u know that right :)

she’s like yes of course i do :D

it’s after that that pema starts trying to talk more about gender but jinora’s like “oh yeah anyways” and starts infodumping everything she knows.

then tenzin tells them they’ve been questioning their own gender during a conversation, and jinora is kind of thrown for a bit lmao.

tenzin talks about the air nomads + the southern water tribe + gender roles, and um... haha... wow okay... maybe she shares some of the same feeling they’re describing.

she starts questioning her own and after a while comes out as a trans girl, but does more research which leads to her instead finding that maybe she is a trans girl, but she’s also nonbinary.

like just look at jinora and tell me she wouldn’t like finding the exact words for her identity. it makes her so happy lol.

she only uses she/her pronouns. she used to go by she/they but it kind of felt like sometimes people only used they/them as a way to avoid referring to her with she/her altogether. like lmao people genuinely just seemed to hate using she/her. like she would approach people about it and ask them to use she/her more and they would be like “oh okay” and then just continue with only they/them even when she’s around to hear it.

so yeah she didn’t necessarily mind they/them but... yeah.

when tenzin starts using any pronouns but with only them specifically, jinora considers doing the same thing with letting only them use she/they, but... hm.

anways jinora is okay with being called a girl/sister/daughter/etc, but she’s also fine with more gender-neutral stuff

after she comes out the first time she wants to start growing out her hair, and it actually makes her super happy when it gets down to her chin. like... oh, that’s me.

before she just shaved her head, which is why shaving her head again to get her tattoos makes her super anxious, but she always wants her tattoos more than anything, and she has well since earned them too lmao.

but it’s tenzin who’s doing it, and she knows that they, more than anyone, know what this means to her

opal is also trans, and jinora ends up talking to her a lot afterward while her hair is still growing back, and while jinora has always been the Eldest Daughter (TM), opal becomes something like a big sister to her who is there to talk to her whenever she needs it :”)

so are pema and tenzin of course, but sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone a little more her age.

kai is also trans (yes everyone is trans do you see a pattern here) and they are big transmasc/transfem solidarity

TL;DR: jinora is transfem and nonbianry and i’m right :)

#thank u nina i owe u my life #asks #jinora #hcs #my hcs #op #nonbinary jinora #trans time #lgbt #leo 💖

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arospectips · 3 years

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first of all thank you for all that y’all do!! i’ve sent in,,, a lot,,, and y’all have been so helpful and nice so thank you so much!! :))) this will be ~long~ so strap in. the bullet points make it look longer than it is but i figure it’s easier to read that way? idk. anyway i thought i was arospec and now i’m thinking i may be full aro? i know no one else can tell “diagnose” me or anything but i was hoping to get some perspective. so i’m just gonna put down all my thoughts and hope i haven’t forgotten anything.

- my first “crush” was in preschool

- i’ve had a lot of “crushes,” more than anyone else i’ve met, and none have lasted very long (at most until i stopped seeing them regularly)

- for the duration of these “crushes,” i could never really sort out my feelings and would eventually just accept it was romantic in order to stop thinking about it

- i’ve always thought of crushes as a fun thing, more of something i could choose rather than something that chose me (“this person is attractive and funny, do i have a crush on them? yes. no. probably. yeah, sure.” rather than “ahh i’m blushing and this attractive person made me laugh oh god do i like them?”)

- my “crushes” tended to be cute guys who were nice/funny or a close girl friend

- it never occurred to me to date these people until other people around me started dating

- when i was homeschooled for one year, 6th grade, i was mainly isolated (by choice/circumstance—as in nobody forced me to be alone or anything. my parents are great and cool) and didnt think about/yearn for a romantic relationship

- i began to question if i was acespec and found i am uncomfortable being described as “biromantic”

- i can easily imagine characters in romantic relationships but it is very difficult to imagine myself in one

- i “dated” a guy for about two weeks and was not comfortable when he would be *oogie*

- my favorite part of romance is the closeness, the idea of being committed to another person—everything that could also be construed as romance

- when characters are being particularly romantic (i.e. wedding vows, etc.) i get uncomfortable or skeptical, something i assumed everyone did because it seems so unrealistic

- for a long time i thought a romantic relationship would be the only way for me to be validated in my gender (if my partner was romantically attracted to men and was romantically attracted to me, then they must see me as a man so that means society sees me as a man and i get a stamp on my Transmasc Card or something)

- i thought a romantic relationship would be the only way for me to have a long-term/committed relationship (i’m not good at keeping friends)

- the times i have wanted a romantic relationship the most i have been the most insecure

- i enjoy reading/writing/watching romance (see clarification above) and have hardcore ships. but only queer ships?

- i really really wanted a romantic relationship (again, see above)

- i’ve been imagining my wedding since i was Baby because ohmygod big party and loving someone/people and them loving me

- i had a very intense “crush” for a few months on my best friend in middle school

- i like to cuddle/whatever and am ambivalent about kissing (which i’ve never done so i guess i can’t really have an opinion on it)

- up until i began questioning, i always thought i would be in a typical monogamous relationship, get married, have kids, etc.

- a while back my sister told me she had never had a crush and i didn’t understand how that could be (before i knew aspec was a thing)

- both my therapists think it is just how relationships are/this is just phase/i’m confused/etc.

- i am extremely introverted so maybe all this is a result of that rather than being aro

thank you for reading and taking the time to respond to my stupid long ask, i love and appreciate you all!!!

There sure are a lot of relatable aro things in here. Fake crushes, thinking you want to date someone and then realizing that you don't actually, having different feelings about fictional romance and real romance, not thinking about relationships when there's no one around to put it on your mind, wanting a relationship for the sake of proving you're not cis/het… you're certainly not alone in any of those things.

You might benefit from the term "alterous attraction" which can be used to describe an emotional pull that doesn't fit neatly into platonic or romantic. Kind of like gender, this is one of those binaries that more or less works for a majority of people, so we end up acting like the area in between or outside of it doesn't exist.

Closeness, commitment, kissing, and cuddling are not actually exclusive to romance. These are common motives for aros to pursue queerplatonic, alterous, or similar relationships. Wanting those things does not preclude you from being aromantic.

Therapists, like anyone, are not always great when it comes to aspec issues. There's a good chance your therapists would tell even the most obvious aro person in the world that it's just a phase or a repression problem. I'd suggest looking for a new therapist, maybe taking a look at arorecommended. If you can't do that, then it's probably best to avoid the subject of romance.

Being introverted doesn't seem to stop plenty of alloromantics from having yearnings and crushes. They might have a harder time actively pursuing those crushes, but the same desires are there.

Overall there's nothing here that makes me want to say, "Yeah that's romantic attraction". If you think aromantic fits better than any other arospec label, go for it.

#mod twilight #aromantic #arospec #questioning #alterous attraction #arophobia

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ecoamerica · 23 days

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

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hardheadedbighearted · 3 years

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Since Hayley is dying of no-Covid juice and I don't have any other watermelons stuffed with hamburger meat to chase around my enclosure for enrichment right now, I thought it might be a good chance to talk about some of my characters' relationships with gender.

(eta: Apparently it's non-binary people's day so I'm going to pretend that's why)

So, it doesn't get many opportunities to come up, but while most of my characters use the pronouns given to them by canon, that doesn't mean all of them are binary; it just means they all have binary pronouns (for various reasons, which I'll get into in a second). Along with "not really coming up much", another reason is that the characters themselves aren't really there yet, or because even I don't know what their gender will do once they actually get there.

Anyway, all that said, here are some of the characters that I know are non-binary, or who otherwise lack what we would think of as a traditional relationship with gender (which I'll explain in a minute).

-Neopolitan {Redacted}: Neo is the most obvious example, and the only one I've been able to have come up on screen that wasn't an oc. Neo's gender is "all", and "all your gender are belong to us", and "this gender is mine", and "gender: yes". When it comes to pronouns, her stance is not so much "I use all pronouns" as "all pronouns are equally correct". Most people default (herself included) to she just because she is to all appearances a woman, but if someone were to break out a he or a they or a xe or a hir or etc, she's not going to care or likely even notice unless a big deal is made.

However, Neo does at times take on personas in order to do her job, and her personas will sometimes have very different stances on their genders. Gideon, for example, uses exclusively they; if memory serves, the sphynx cat from the raid was a he, and the black cat with the green eyes that is underneath Neo's many illusions is exclusively a she. (There's a reason for this, but she informs me it's none of your business.)

(In before, the black cat with the green eyes is not Neo's "true" identity; insofar as she thinks of any of her personas as the "true" self, that would be Neo, the black cat with the green eyes is just her natural form. This is why the black cat with the green eyes doesn't have a name and is usually referred to using the name of the strawberry calico. The reasons for this are, again, none of your business.)

-Yang Xiao Long and Weiss Schneebird: I'm listing both of these together because they're both in the camp of "haven't gotten there yet" with a healthy dose of "I don't know what they'll do when they do get there". I know that I, personally, don't see either Yang or Weiss as binary girls, nor do I feel the urge to rub my trans man fingers all over them (that's for Ruby... maybe. we'll see). I think Yang will likely end up somewhere on the Butch side of the Butch/Trans cusp; I've been reading a lot of blogs from trans men and transmasc individuals recently and them talking about their experience, and I feel like Yang will probably settle in somewhere in that arena. Weiss, on the other hand... look, okay. Honesty time: years ago during an event I won't talk about, I threw out "nonbinary Weiss" as a counterexample to a point I shouldn't have even had to make, and that single, throwaway suggestion has lived in my brain rent-free for years. Now that I have finally moved past the part of me that is still bitter about what happened (okay.. I'm still bitter, but not as much as before), I feel safe to explore that without the negative associations. Also, I saw an edit last year of Weiss with short hair, and it unlocked something in my brain. I think Weiss will end up somewhere unadjacent to binary (contrary to Yang moving along the feminine to masculine line), with an attachment to certain specific identity labels as removed from the context of a binary identity. Also given how long this turned out probably I shouldn't have made them the same bullet point. (Side note, this early gender questioning is why Yang took care to ask Neo's pronouns.)

-Qrow and Raven: Okay, so this one is the one I meant when I alluded to "non-traditional relationships with gender". While both twins do exist on what we would think of as a binary axis (while not identifying either as binary or nonbinary man/woman, respectively), they didn't get there in the traditional "assigned at birth" or "transition" way.

See, here's the thing about ravens: they don't have much sexual dimorphism to speak of. Males are typically larger than females, but with such a broad overlap that even size isn't that reliable. From this, I headcanon that in DT society, ravens (and other birds that have matching genitals and no dimorphism) don't really have a concept of "assigned at birth gender". You find out what sex you are once puberty hits, and gender is something that ravens just explore, sometimes settling very quickly into one thing and sometimes trying on lots, sometimes moving fluidly throughout their entire life.

When it comes to their actual sex, we know that Raven is female. Qrow... I genuinely don't know. I know based on certain things coming down the pipeline it's a high probability that he's also female, but those are just loosely based on my assumptions about how those loose ideas will play out, and are irrelevant and unlikely to come up anyway.

As far as their relationship with genders go, Qrow settled into male sometime during childhood, while Raven tried on genders for awhile before deciding sometime in her twenties that female was "close enough". However, for both of them gender is about how they're perceived externally, and doesn't mean much as far as their internal relationship with gender goes (which is basically nonexistent).

Will also say that there was a time when Raven was absolutely prepared to try on male for awhile to see if it would get James into bed with her, but that was more out of horniness than anything else. When it's been awhile and your best friend is hot, just got fitted with a metal dick he should probably take for a test run, and is pining for your identical twin, a girl will consider anything. Apparently.

Note regarding Yang re: raven genders, Yang is half-tanager and appeared more tanager than raven until adolescence, so Raven kind of got vetoed by Tai and Summer (not in a deliberate way, just sort of happened like that). However, both Yang and Ruby were raised to think of their assigned gender as a "default setting" that they could change at any point they so chose.

-Reese Chloris: This one will come up as soon as I get the opening for it; Reese is a transmasculine woman, and is in fact early into hrt (this is why I took care to specify her as a peahen when she first turned up). She is also a straight transmasculine woman, something that she's only recently come to accept about herself, because of course a woman who wants to look like a man to the point of taking hormones to make that happen has to be sapphic, right? Reese is still on a journey when it comes to her gender and identity; the three things she knows for sure positive are: 1, wants to kiss boys, 2, doesn't want to be boys, 3, wants to be mistaken for boys.

-Emerald Sustrai: Listen, Mercury's comment that "Emerald's not a girl, she's Emerald" is easy to dismiss as Mercury not thinking of his partner as a potential romantic pursuit until you remember that Mercury and Emerald share a dreamscape and a mental connection and that Mercury is trans, and you start to wonder if maybe he just knows something we don't.

Anyway, Emerald's not a girl, she's Emerald. What that will mean for her... well, that's actually one of the ones that I already know, but Emerald hasn't gotten there yet. Give her time. :)

-Lie Ren: He's never actually onscreen, but I always sort of envision Ren as menderfluid- never a woman, not always a man. He's also aro-ace, but that's unrelated. I just wanted to put that out there. ("But Theo! What about Renora?!" What about Renora?)

-Neon Katt: Nonbinary woman. There's not much to say about this one; Neon just considers the box of "cis woman" to be too stifling for her taste. Strictly speaking she's a she/they and even has a pin advertising this, but it's never come up outright.

-Roman Torchwick and Robyn Hill: Binary man and woman, just not in the traditional way. Not gonna elaborate, they just belong on the list. Don't worry about it.

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souprights · 4 years

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DIY for Transmasc Minors/Those still living with unsupportive family

For context, I'm just turned 17, still living with my parents and live in the USA. This is just my experience! It may not be the best/easiest way to go about DIYing. I'm going to do my best to make this as comprehensive as possible, and please let me know if anything if incorrect or if I should add anything.

Firstly, if you're under the age of 16, I don't recommend this at all!! DIY should be a last-ditch effort, after you've tried all else. Please seek therapy, a supportive friend group, and a good community before turning to illegal means, because, yes, purchasing and being in possession of T without a script is illegal.

What's it Gonna Cost?

For cost, you're going to need about $60 - $115 of reliable income a month. Depending on the site you use, and how many millilitres of (injectable) T you purchase, that's going to vary, but $60 is the typical minimum I can find. Don't forget shipping is going to be around $15-30.

This only includes the T!! Don't forget you're going to need needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs if you're injecting, as well as blood tests.

What Kind of T?

Whether you use gel or injections is entirely up to you and your comfort. However, please avoid orals! Those are just gonna wreck your liver, no matter how painlessly tempting they may be.

Gels run more expensive, but with injectable, there's extra purchases/packages to be had.

Hang On, Blood Tests?

To make sure your levels are in a safe/normal range, you're going to need a blood test. If possible, look for Quest or LabCorp-esque places to get proper bloods done. I was too nervous to do that, given how closely my parents track my every move while I'm not at home, so settle for finger prick at-home tests if necessary. Unless the site advertises Discreet Packaging, I highly recommend having these sent to a friend and picking them up at school/when hanging out.

Do one before starting T, one at Month One, Two and Three, respectively. Based on your levels, adjust or figure out your dose. If everything is typical at Month Three, you don't have to test again till Month Six. After that, check at your One Year mark, then yearly thereafter.

Where/How Do I Get All This?

eroids.com is the first place I turn to when looking for places to order T. You can read reviews for each site listed, and get an average rating from people who've used the sites. If you want to go for gels, I suggest poking around Reddit and finding other people who've DIYed with gel, and asking them for their opinions and recommendations. Make an informed decision no matter what you choose, and spend PLENTY of time researching.

For needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs I honestly just use Amazon. MAKE SURE you mark your order as a gift, or else you're probably going to run into the issue of the packaging being marked with "medical supplies." Imagine your overbearing parents seeing that and ripping open your package, and immediately assuming you're spending your days in back alleys shooting up. Not fun. Take my word, and learn from my mistake.

As for bloods, just poke around till you find a test that takes your free T and total T both, or go somewhere and have it done proper.

Now, you might try using a PO box to not worry about your family seeing any packages arriving, or having it sent to a friend with more relaxed/accepting parents. Later in the year (when I'm doing this) using the approaching gift-giving holidays to keep people out of your parcels might be plausible. Or maybe your family doesn't care. Ultimately, imagine the worst case scenario and judge what to do knowing your own situation.

Okay, But....Bitcoin

Ah, yes. Daunting, tricky Bitcoin. Majority of sites only accept Bitcoin as payment. But I swear it's not as bad or hard as it sounds. Your first issue is honestly going to be finding somewhere that doesn't require you to be 18+ to purchase it. Now, don't worry too much. For me, I got my older sister to put in all her details, and I just used my money to make purchases. You can do the same with an 18+ friend, relative, or relative of a friend's. Or, send an 18+ friend's CashApp the money necessary to make a Bitcoin purchase and transfer for you.

Now, my first order of T was only about $60, with shipping and everything, since I only bought 4ml total to begin with. If you buy a bigger vial, it's going to cost more. $60 was as much as I could spend without making my parents suspicious (they keep an eye on my bank account), so if you have a similar problem or a smaller spending threshold of concern, don't worry. Just spend your max threshold on buying Bitcoin as often as you can. The Bitcoin will be stored for you to compile and use later. Keep in mind its value may go down, so buy a bit extra if you're saving up over time.

I use an app called Edge to handle all my Bitcoin transactions. It's simple, easy, and you can use a card, a direct bank transfer, Apple Pay or Cash (if there's a Bitcoin ATM near you--no worries, there's a handy map in the app itself to lead you to the nearest one of those). I used Apple Pay, so unfortunately, I can't help with any other methods than that. You can also use CashApp, but Edge's verification went much much faster, and I was not in the mood to wait a few extra days.

There's going to be a fee, usually outlined before you select your payment type. I included that in the cost of the T above, which might be more or less.

And lastly, it's not instant. It usually takes a few hours, but if it's more than a few days, reach out to customer support.

Each site lists instructions with how to send payment once ordered. Just follow their instructions, and talk to them if you have any trouble. They're usually more than happy to help you send them money.

So I've ordered my T

Shipping times are going to vary!! Keep this in mind. If you used eroids, users typically include shipping time in their reviews. This may influence which site you pick. Domestic sites tend to have faster shipping and don't risk customs seizing your pack--if customs seizes a pack with an illegal substance, you're going to get a letter. That's pretty hard to find an excuse out of, way closer to impossible.

Typical processing times are 2-5 days, but may vary a little, depending on things that may include a lovely little pandemic. Shipping is typically 1-2 weeks for domestic sites, 3-5 weeks for international. Shipping prices tend not to vary much, however, no matter where the warehouse is.

Hiding Changes

This is going to be the tricky part. I've known some people to only go on T for three months or so, as to get some changes to reduce dysphoria, but not have family members notice. If you spend a lot of time around family, the changes are gradual and they might not notice. But keep your own safety in mind above all else. What's the worst that's going to happen if your family confronts you over your changes? How long will you be able to write off your voice as "a cold" before someone wises up? How much longer are you going to be staying with your family?

I'm out to my unsupportive family, so despite being discouraged from any transition of any sort, any and all voice changes I'm writing off as voice training. Facial hair? Minoxidil. More muscle? I've been working out. These may or may not be things you can use, so consider carefully.

Aside from your voice and facial hair, there won't be anything too difficult to hide or write off. Shave your facial hair away as soon as you get up if it develops/needs to be hidden. Consider and compile a list of excuses as to why your voice is changing in case of questions.

Hiding Supplies

This is going to depend a lot on your house and situation. Do you have animals, parents or siblings who invade your spaces and find your hidey holes? A piece of advice I read in an MtF guide to DIY is to hide something you won't get in trouble for where you plan on hiding your hormones, and see if anyone finds it over a few weeks. Repeat until somewhere safe is scouted.

I have small cardboard boxes I keep under my bed, in a cabinet I have in my room, and on my desk. Only bandaids are kept on the box on my desk. But the other places I hide things have an equal distribution of my supplies, so even if someone finds one box, I'll be able to continue HRT.

Try to keep your T much better hidden than other supplies. I'm in an arts-focused degree in college, and a very artistic person, so I've managed to write off needles and syringes as pieces to build a 3D art project for a portfolio. Try to find an excuse to use if your needles are found. Maybe the art thing works for you, maybe not.

Consider taking precautionary measures of removing/covering labels of your T if you're using an injectable kind. You might be able to get away with calling it a prop of some kind, for a TikTok video or something if it's found.

Disposing of Needles/Wrappers/Etc

Alright, so you've done your first shot of T, or applied your first gel packet. Congrats! Now, how to hide the evidence? Firstly, for gels, it won't be too difficult. Just use a plastic grocery bag and fill it with other miscellaneous rubbish and mix the wrappers in with that. Toss the tied bag in your own bin, or a neighbour's bin if that's safer. If that's not possible, do so at school.

Needles are a more tricky circumstance. If you're able to purchase and safely dispose a sharps bin, 100% do that. If you're in a place like me and that's not possible, go and buy some soda with twist-top lids, or get them from friends. Once the bottle is empty, you can toss needles into there. In my experience, 1ml syringes and the small needles used for T injections fit in these 500ml bottles no issue. I throw these sealed bottles in the bin once they're full. I know this isn't proper disposable, but I'm unable to get a sharps bin.

Never throw exposed needles into the bin, or leave them somewhere anyone or anything could possibly be exposed to them.

For T bottles, I've only ever found one site that sells it in containers smaller than 10ml. I'm not sure if the 10ml bottles would fit into the soda bottles or not, so follow the same procedure as disposing of gel wrappers. If that's not possible, use a sharp knife to cut open your soda bottle at the widest part and put the bottle in there, before using a strong adhesive tape (not scotch tape--duct tape or something similar) to seal the incision before disposing of it.

In Conclusion

I've left out a list of the changes T causes, and starting doses, because those are all easy things to find, which you probably know already. Regardless of what this small guide says, please keep your own safety in mind and do as much research as possible before moving forward with DIY, and know that I'm no kind of professional, and all this is based off my tiny bit of experience.

As of the original posting of this, I haven't yet started T. I'm going to start in about two weeks, however, and have gathered everything necessary. I may update this guide further as I take T.

#ftm #trans #ftm minor #t #testosterone #transition #reblog

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mxbitters · 4 years

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hey so i think i might be trans (ftm) and since ur genderqueer and stuff i wanna ask, did you feel dysphoria when you were really young? i don't remember getting it when i was younger that six maybe, but it got a lot worse once i turned around seven or eight. idk. do u have any advice?

hey!!! it’s great to hear you’re exploring this stuff, and i’m honored that you reached out. i kinda consider myself both genderqueer and transmasc so i get you there.

that being said, there’s no one standard dysphoria experience. i’m gonna talk about my experience with dysphoria and finding out i’m trans as this was the approach that helped me, i’ll give you the long answer first and then the short answer.

long answer:

when i was younger, around third grade or something, i think i may have dealt with some sort of social dysphoria, and definitely found myself separate from girls and always wanted to like, prove myself worthy of attention from other guys (i really craved that kind of friendship, i felt like i fit in with some of the more “nerdy” guys around age eight) but i can’t recall any sort of body dysphoria. of course that was all way before puberty so there’s that too.

i think my first possible experiences with more physical dysphoria and the notion of “passing” that i can name were in middle school. it may have been when i was getting more into anime and bands and stuff, i saw these somewhat gender nonconforming men and started trying to replicate those looks and i think what really got me was when i was either in eighth grade or freshman year when i was first dying my hair. i would look up to all these musicians, the only female musician i was like looking up to was hayley williams and i thought i had to perform that kind of femininity and when i tried to it felt even worse.

it took experimentation with my expression, communication with some people older than me in a sort of mentor position, etc. for me to really realize i was trans, i think. i was in a relationship at the time, one in which that partner had told me she was trans. i don’t remember what set me off, but one night i just lost it and realized that something about femininity just wasn’t working, nothing felt right. i remember specifically someone suggesting that maybe i could try the label “genderfluid,” see what works. and that honestly just blew my mind. as soon as that door was opened, i immediately gravitated towards masculinity, he/him pronouns, etc.

of course, the way i view my gender as opposed to back then is very different, i don’t focus so much on “passing” and filling any specific gender role. it takes a lot of time to actually realize what works and again, it’s all about experimentation and giving it time. my gender as i view it right now will not be viewed the same way in a few years, i can guarantee it, and you know what? that’s okay. that’s healthy and it’s good. i’ve changed and grown a lot, i know people who seem to stay with a similar expression for a while, i know people who explored their gender and turned out to be cis all along and honestly? all of these are valid experiences.

short answer:

first of all i think “nothing feels right” was the way i experienced dysphoria back then, it was almost synonymous with my depression, and differentiating the two took a long damn time. my experience with dysphoria was initially social, but at some point around 14-15 i realized i would look myself in the mirror and not recognize myself. it took experimentation and talking to other people i trusted to actually get started.

second, advice:

- experiment! try going by the name/pronouns you prefer on your blog, or if you don’t want to use them right now on your current blog, make a sideblog or use the pronoun dressing room!!! there, you can try out the pronouns/name you’re considering and also learn more about other pronouns too :) there are also a lot of blogs on here that do a very similar thing, writing little sentences and such referring to you by your preferred name/pronouns, based off interests, etc. that’s how i realized i like he and they pronouns! and if you’re nervous to send that to somebody else, you could also send them in an ask to me if you want :’)

- talk to people! you do NOT have to go through this alone, you can talk to a friend, a therapist, a trusted family member, hell you can message me if you want, etc. but in general just know this journey isn’t one you have to do on your own.

- don’t give up. i couldn’t have imagined the spot i’m in right now as opposed to where i was in 2016 or 2017, and i’m glad i kept going. hell, i’m still going through it but i know in the future i’ll be grateful i pushed through it. being trans is a beautiful thing, and in my opinion, it’s a gift. it may seem hard, but keep going. i promise, it’s worth it.

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i sincerely hope that this helped, i’m sorry this was such a long post! let me know if you need anything else, you got this dude!!! :D

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elftwink · 2 years

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i don't think trans*ndrophobia truthers realize that they also make it Harder for some transmascs to talk about our experiences properly - personally it's become a lot harder to talk about my experiences with both transphobia and misogyny as a transmasc m+f multigender person bc every discussion inevitably becomes some form of justifying "trans*ndrophobia" as a term, or someone pulling the ~we ALL experience transmisogyny~ shit. people insisting on terms like "trans*ndrophobia" and etc

(2) really just feels like trying to establish another form of binary tbh; transmisogyny as a term exists bc there's countless statistics and years of evidence setting it as a form of oppression apart from other forms of transphobia, but now people are just scrambling for an oppression label for the transphobia every "type" of trans person experiences. it just doesn't sit right (sorry for the rant in your inbox btw, it's relieving to see smn else fed up w the "trans*ndrophobia" crowd lmao)

yes exactly my thoughts on it; the attempt to create some kind of universal transmasc oppression alienates people who don't fit that kind of framework. and it this point it's often difficult to even talk around it because if you try someone else hops onto your post and attempts to stuff you into that framework. admittedly this is often well-meaning but the fact that they don't view that behaviour as derailing the conversation to me is what has always indicated that they don't care about the nuances of that convo anyway, unless it can be used to further validate what they already believe.

one thing that really drives me up the wall about it is when you read posts about the term by people who use it, it feels like they're not willing to acknowledge that a lot of the pushback is from other transmasc people (or they don't realize, or whatever). instead it's framed really vaguely like "oh they're trying to take away our language" presenting 'trans*ndrophobia' as some topic that unifies all transmascs while only outsiders push back, thereby further proving how oppressed transmascs are and how much "we" need the term. i.e. "if it wasn't real, why would people hate us so much for suggesting it was?"

only that's not what's happening. this is a purely intracommunity debate that exists at this point almost solely online in primarily transmasc circles. most of the people who speak on it are transmasc, most people who form an opinion at all are transgender in some way. while i can't read anyone's mind and am not accusing anyone of intentionally misleading people, it does get a bit frustrating to have people act like i'm in the in-group (and therefore agree with them) while attributing my actual opinions to some nebulous "them" in an equally nebulous "us vs them" depiction of the situation. it allows them to feel like they're speaking for the good of all transmascs while ignoring whoever doesn't already agree with them. and it allows them to severely dramatize and play up what is, at its core, online tumblr transmasc discourse. which isn't to say it's not important but that i resent reading posts about how not using a stupid term many of us don't even like or find useful presents an existential threat to the transmasc community when really it's like some transmasc people said "i invented a term lets use it for xyz" and other transmasc people went "i don't like that and think it's bad for abc reasons" and that's literally where we are now. it's dishonest, regardless of whether it's intentional, and it demonstrates they're not really paying that much attention to any criticisms (but what else is new in this community lmao)

you're on the same page i am re: labelling although i think the establishment of any new binary is accidental and probably not even noticed because it's really buried in this idea of 'everyone deserves to have a label' which is then obfuscated by saying "everyone deserves to have language to talk about their experiences" (which. lmao. i guess we never were able to talk about our experiences before this term was invented, what, less than a year ago? a couple years ago? okay); at its core it's a deeply self-centred analysis of oppression. it's honestly frustrating to even bring up any facts or try to make a counter argument because it doesn't and will never matter bc they will never ever address these criticisms head on. bc it's simply so much easier to willfully misunderstand what transmisogyny (the term) means and the significance of it, and characterize any dissent as some kind of censorship or silencing or transmasc voices. if you can fold in any genuine criticisms of your views and behaviors and make them synonymous with the marginalization you face, you never have to deal with the substance of the criticisms. i have yet to see anyone give a satisfying rebuttal to any points about transmisogyny, and about 90% of the time they miss the point entirely and default back to "if trans women get a label we should get one too". which is both childish and also does not address literally anything anyone is (or at least what i personally am) actually arguing. like we're going "it's not necessary and is often harmful to make up terms for different 'versions' of oppression. the reason some people have those highly specific terms is because in general that language is used to describe power systems, not directly apply to interpersonal experiences (though it often can be applied that way)" and they're like "but i want a specific term for my oppression to indicate it is also unique and important" like. nobody said it wasn't and that is so beside the point i'm gonna explode

#tried so hard to be nice and charitable towards ppl who use the term i do not think it worked #but just fyi this is the nicest it gets its the nicest its ever gonna get bc i do not have many nice things to say #really gets my goat the way they create an environment hostile to disagreement from ppl they supposedly #are trying to represent and provide language to #only to turn around and be like 'every convo about transmasc issues gets derailed must be the trans*ndrophobia'#the call is coming from inside the house.#both in the sense that they created that situation #but also in that everyone mad at them about it is also inside the house. we're all in this stupid annoying community together #that was mean. but also all love to other transmasc ppl but you gotta admit it's stupid and annoying sometimes right #what community isn't sometimes stupid and annoying.#anyway no need to apologize about the essay! i was getting bored of studying for midterms anyway #anonymous #answered

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