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starlightbooklove · 3 months

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Ok, I finally saw Journey to Bethlehem and I can't begin to express how much I loved it, I'm a very difficult person to like a full musical, which is why movies like west side story and in the heights I only liked a few songs, like as movies in general they are good, but not to my personal taste.

Furthermore, the Christian film market usually ranges from very similar, commercial and honestly boring films, to 'reinterpretations' that remove plots and things that do not go at all with the Original material So I wasn't too confident in how good the trailer looked but I was willing to give it a look, thank goodness I did.

As a Christian who was raised in the church with a Christian family, my view of religion was quite Biased by their way of looking at it Which wasn't bad, but I was focused on the religious point of view sometimes excessively, so over time as I grew up and got to know the world around me, I moved away from that, And then after I grew up I returned to wanting to learn for myself without biased opinions about the Bible and to be able to understand it and really feel what everyone said they felt.

And so I came to the conclusion that You can save your self a Lot of time, if you just read the bible as what it is: a book, full of human people with a lot of imperfections, murky, miraculous, heartbreaking, crazy, steamy and even funny (yes, I'm not lying) stories. Religion, so focused on an idea that sometimes not even the Bible itself shares, forgets the human part that fills the stories, which is not very described in it either, but that one can easily interpret.

And thanks to this, criticism of Christians is very well founded on several occasions, and many people have the mistaken idea that the Bible is a 'holy book of holy people'.

That there is nothing more false, the book is holy or is different, unique and/or sacred because of how it was written and because of the stories that happen in it And how accompanied by prayer and the real desire to want to know, you can learn a lot no matter how many times you read it, not because of the people who lived them.

Who were they, let me tell you the test of God's patience.

Do you know Moses? The dude who divided the sea (by God's guidance), did you knew that (this one's funny), thanks to the people he brought out of Egypt after the plagues and that he have to spend 40 years with them in the desert? 🙃 no, it's not a joke and no, it's not an interpretation, literally thanks to the almost constant disobedience of the Israelis after being liberated they were punished with that, and the worst thing is that God had reasons, and I'll give you an example of that, these people decided to worship a damn golden cow that they built Because Moses had taken a long time to return from talking to God (when he went to look for the commandments ironically) less than a year after being freed by God from slavery.

Moses broke the first tables of commandments out of anger, and had to go look for them again, I repeat, no, I'm not playing, this is how it happened in the Bible And it was not only for this reason that they had to stay, it was a list of things that these people did, having as a testimony and example just by being free, still had Incredible faith problems.

The generation that left Egypt never saw or lived in the promised land, the only one who saw it out of mercy was Moses, but it was the descendants who managed to enter the promised land.

Haaa, bet you didn't knew that..

So, as you can see, no, not holy and/or perfect people at all. You might wonder, what does this have to do with the movie? And I will answer you, sorry, i got inspired, but the thing is, this is basically the context of why I liked it so much.

Journey to Bethlehem, it is the story of the birth of Jesus if we remove the religion and the holy holy beautiful peacefull look that some churches like to sell, and start to unite our 4 neurons and think about what, humanly, those people thought and did under the context of that time With fire songs, good performances, very good acting, and Milo (I'm not going to elaborate, I'll just say that I gained a tremendous crush on this man lmao)

And I want to list my favorite points from this in the movie.

-The representation of Mary

Arguably my favorite part of the movie, like, this woman really made me feel what it must have been like for her to carry the son of God.

Because N1: Mary is painted as this woman rejoicing in the news that she will become pregnant overnight when she is engaged, not married, in a patriarchal society With around 1000 laws about what you can and cannot do and the things you cannot do are punishable by death, One of them being being pregnant or having a child out of marriage 🙃🤭 what a blessing right?

And N2: For years Mary has been said to be holy and worshiped when she probably wouldn't approve of that herself, since she grew up with scriptures that said they couldn't worship idols. And they made her an idol. Something to make clear is that the only holy human, biblically speaking, is Jesus. Mary was a virgin, not a saint, she had more children with her husband after having Jesus, she had a life beyond him.

And this movie brings that out, it makes the most of it and I love it.

It shows what a struggle it must have been for her to have such a burden on her, she was young (in those days people married young), perhaps a teenager, Yes, they were raised differently and at the end of the day he was about to get married, but still, as I said, the Bible leaves out a lot of the human factor.

It can say that it passes a beginning and an end but it does not give you the means to connect both parts In the Bible, Mary respectfully accepts the news that she is going to have a baby, and the film respects that, but Mary was human, you know the fear and absolute madness must cause that an angel to appear to you out of nowhere and tell you that you are going to have a son who is going to be savior and king and then disappear (appreciation for the angel Gabriel btw My man would be me if i was an angel lmao) How the hell do you explain that to your parents? To your fiancé, no matter how versed everyone was in the scriptures, no one, NO ONE thought Jesus was going to be born from a humble virgin, Literally part of the reason (spoiler alert lmao) Jesus was killed was because no one believed that the king they were waiting for was a simple carpenter who was born in a manger. This probably included Mary herself, certainly her parents, and much more, Joseph. And she knew it, of course she knew it, she knew it was true but she had to know how hard it was to believe it and how much trouble she could get into for being pregnant. It's kind of expected that Mary would have doubts, rightly so which is why I love love the song "mother to a savior and king" i just feel that it had to be exactly what she thought.

... Give me eyes to see

Just how I can be

Carrying your son when I need You

To carry me

...Should a miracle feel like an anchor

Bringing shame upon my family

This burden is too heavy

I need strength to be

A mother to a savior and king

... You said, "Do not fear"

So Lord, if you are here

Help me have the faith you have in me

Give me eyes to see just how I can be

Mother to a savior

When I need saving

Like aaaa Chills, literal chills And I love it because it doesn't occur to people how society must have seen Mary, we see it as a blessing because we know how it all ended, but they didn't know. And they lived in a very very different society, if everyone had found out, they would have stoned Mary, that is the reality that they don't talk much about at Christmas.

Another fact that I liked is that Mary had to travel, traveling in this time does not imply the same as traveling in that time, with her 9 months of pregnancy (Because she gave birth as soon as she arrived in Bethlehem) on a donkey 🙃🙃🙃🙃 I don't think I have to elaborate much, i love how they portrayed here. You can say people knew how things were, they were used to it, yes, but Maria had never been pregnant and no matter how adapted you are to something, You can't erase the physical challenge of traveling with a giant belly in those conditions.

And let's not even talk about the birth, where they were in the city that: it was full of soldiers seeking to kill her and her baby, they broadcast the news that they would be killing babies and pregnant mothers In search of finding her, which is why they did not find asylum and had to go to a stable.

I think with the idea of ☺️ ah, Jesus was born in a manger ☺️We forget that 💀 oh, Jesus was born in a manger 💀 I don't know about you, but I think that is not the ideal place to give birth And yet the representations of that are so sugar coated We literally have a song called "Silent Night" tell me, explain to me what part of giving birth where the animals and their excrement are because an entire army is chasing you trying to kill you, sounds like a peaceful night????

Another detail is that Joseph (who I am obviously going to talk about) logically had to act as midwife for Mary, because no one was with them, no one wanted to be with them, that sounds like a horror story honestly, and no, I'm not taking away from how beautiful the whole purpose of Jesus is and everything is.

I am only pointing out the facts, which are raw and very Real about a situation like this, this was the reality as it is written, the Bible leaves things out But the rawness in several acts is never lacking.

One last thing to add is that I was afraid at first that they would portray Mary as a feminist ahead (by centuries) of her time But in an annoying and very political way because of how the movie started, And that they were going to make her not want the pregnancy and make it as if they had violently forced her, thank God that didn't happen, i loved her, The actress did a tremendous job interpreting her with personality without losing the respect (that is noted in the Bible) Mary had for God and the giant task she was given, and I actually liked that twist That perhaps Mary and Joseph did not know each other before they got engaged, which would not be unusual at that time. And that Mary said at the beginning of the movie that she believed she was destined for bigger things 🙃.They give more personality to this icon that we all have of her and I love it.

-The representation of Joseph

Starting with the fact that I have a big fat crush now on Milo Mannheim thanks to him (not important at all actually)

I think everyone, whether Christian or not, knows that Joseph is a secondary character every time the story of Jesus' birth is mentioned, even invisible I dare say. And I was always curious because of how he leaves after he is born in the Bible, it is simply not mentioned again and this is why I think there is this kind of unconscious belief that Jesus only had one parental figure and that was Mary.

When this can easily be contradicted by the little information we have in the Bible; Joseph was known as Joseph the carpenter, and who ended up being a carpenter? (Flashbacks to Sabrina lmao) Jesus, No matter how holy and amazing he was, Jesus grew up having to learn things, he wasn't born knowing, and obviously Mary didn't teach him how to work with wood so it's pretty logical to think that his stepfather (idk How to call it) taught him. That even if we leave this out (which is after the birth of Jesus) Joseph was THE man ok And this is with biblical foundation, he believed Mary and decided to continue with the wedding despite how crazy it all sounded, he helped her during the trip to Bethlehem, ALONE, he had to practically attend the birth

And the film captures that so, so well, I have no words to describe how impressed and excited I was to see how they highlighted so many things that I knew because yk, they are in the Bible but I hadn't been aware of noticing before.

How difficult it must have been for him to make the decision to believe Mary (which, let's be honest, takes a lot of faith to believe something like that) To follow her, and his song, my God, his song is so good. It's perfect for showing a morally gray human decision and the way he delivered that presentation ugh I just feel from my heart that it was exactly what Joseph thought. Cause:

I'm completely torn in two

Half of me believes her,

while the other half needs proof

This was no inmaculate conception

Just the ultimate deception

Gilty to the bone we should have her stoned now

Wait don't you throw your stoned no don't yoy judge her i look into her eyes i think i love her

I just 🫠🫠🫠 Jesus Christ

You don't come out of that movie without half falling for Joseph and that's something I never imagined saying in my life lmao

It was a very human way, full of personality and commitment, to portray the character. beyond the attractiveness of both the actor and the goofy personality they gave him. They gave it this degree of seriousness and part of the story that shows very clearly what they themselves say in the film and that is that God did not choose only Mary, She couldn't do everything she had to do alone, and among those things was raising a child that was given to her overnight and that she had to carry for nine months, and that does not deviate from history even though there are those who say no, it is written but I think it needed the human interpretation for people to see it, as I feel that they need with many stories from the bible. They definitely took their liberty to create the love story and I'm not complaining, I never thought at all that there must have been a lot of love both between them and for God for them to be able to go through all of that, And I like to believe that if it was like that, the love they had for each other, because only someone who loves another person so much is willing to go through all that, cause very easily Joseph could receive confirmation from God that what Mary said was true and say well, that's not my problem, but he decided to take responsibility with her, Which shows why God chose them, so yes, it has its freedoms but I don't think it is essentially far from reality.

Herodes

O. M. GOOOOODDD.

Antonio Banderas ate with his performance because damn I could feel the arrogance, the complete pleasure that those kings had for being rich and powerful, with that man And he didn't have much screen time, despite how comical he gets at times he manages to show how dangerous Herod was.

That, they didn't show it but that man ordered babies and pregnant mothers to be killed in the end, just for fear that they would take away his throne and his power, out of complete caress. And Antonio showed a funny and iconic man but also dangerous and capable of that and, and also they gave him the best song.

And i'm not Even joking, 'good to be king' is what Disney tried (and failed) to do with "Wish", It has all the magic and that lyricism that shows rough and raw things with incredible music That sticks to you despite how bad the bad guy is, from the villain songs of Disney's 2D movies, It's at the level of "poor unfortunate souls" and the Interpretation, God It's one of the best parts of the movie, weeks go by and I still can't get it out of my head

Finally, the relationship of Mary and Joseph.

I feel that all our lives, after thousands of times telling us the story of the birth of Jesus, the relationship of Mary and Joseph never had any importance beyond their role in the birth. So I loved the representation of that here, the way they took this theme of a planned marriage, which could very easily have been a reality, Along with the human and emotional reaction that these people must have had at the time, they give life and depth to Mary and Joseph, with the pros and cons.

With how difficult it was but also how strong they must have been as a couple to carry out the huge task they had, it made me see it from a more human point of view and give more value to their relationship.

They took their liberties, there are things that are super funny and have that absurd touch, but it is a story full of a lot of respect for the source, and full of a wonderful and human interpretation of of this great story, You don't feel it is religious, because it isn't, the music isn't just there and they are all very good (something that doesn't happen with all musicals).

And it is simply beautiful, it is made with love and it shows, they took advantage of every penny of their budget and put out this piece of art that I feel everyone should see for Christmas And that I would like to tattoo permanently on my brain lmao.

Go watch it, it's absolutely worth it.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading my entire almost essay of the movie, I hope you find your Joseph in life🫶😂

#journey to bethlehem #milo manheim #fiona palomo #antonio banderas #christian movies #christianity

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graceshouldwrite · 11 months

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How to Write Devastating Betrayals (Pt. 1)

Here are some elements + tips on satisfying betrayals that will destroy both your characters AND your readers!

1. Relationship Between Trust and Betrayal

The #1 Betrayal Rule:

MORE TRUST = WORSE BETRAYAL

This is because TRUST implies 2 main things:

The traitor has probably PROVEN their trustworthiness, and now has a shared history + bond with the character they’re betraying

The traitor probably has access to a LOT OF INFORMATION about the character, whether it’s career-wise or personal. Probably at least some information the character considers STRICTLY confidential

An act of betrayal undermines Point 1 by manipulating Point 2 to their advantage.

So, if you want your betrayal to DESTROY, have the traitor be CLOSE with the character they’re about to betray. Lets compare examples:

you are a gang boss. You hire a new recruit who doesn’t really know anything except one insignificant operation, like “today we buy groceries at 2PM”

your recruit tells the rival gang about the grocery trip

→ betrayal doesn’t really matter that much

you probably didn’t place much trust in a new recruit

the implications of information leak are insignificant

→ not much plot weight

On the other hand:

you find out that the entire time, your RIGHT HAND MAN (also your childhood friend!) has been feeding information to the rival gang and sabotaging your operations

→ HURTS a lot more emotionally

might ruin everything you’ve built, career-wise, for good

→ LOTS of plot weight

From a completely SECULAR PLOT STANDPOINT (please don’t come for me, theologians), Judas’ betrayal of Jesus is a good example because:

Judas was one of Jesus’ disciples, a.k.a. the people considered closest to him, and who followed Jesus throughout all of his preaching years

Judas’ information about Jesus’ identity and whereabouts led to Jesus’ crucifixion → LOTS of plot weight (the entire Bible from a Christian standpoint foreshadows this moment, and every point after is spreading word of this moment. Talk about plot implications!)

ONCE AGAIN, I know all the “Jesus knew and allowed it to happen” “it was the will of God” stuff but this is purely used as a good plot example!!!!

2. Reason for Betrayal

“’Cause it’s super edgy/evil/cool” is DEFINITELY not a valid option.

All the plot points in a book build towards achieving a goal, and all the characters do things they think will get them closer to what they want. Likewise, the traitor must want a specific thing that ONLY betrayal can get them, or that betrayal can get them more efficiently.

People generally portray typical traitors as:

completely selfish with no personality trait aside from infinite ambition and ruthless pragmatism

a hero whose had enough

someone who sees the person they betrayed as a “worthless disposable” or something

Traitors don’t have to be morally bankrupt, even though betrayal is typically seen as something inherently bad, or just a bad means to a good end at best.

They can be conflicted about the betrayal (like Macbeth delaying his murder of King Duncan), remorseful about it (like Discord from MLP feeling super guilty after he hands the main protagonists over to the villain), or even do it for the “greater good.”

e.g. Brutus thought Caesar was becoming too power hungry, and would destroy the republic by becoming a dictator, so Brutus betrayed him to preserve the republic

→ example of a betrayal that was NOT self-serving

However, building on the MLP Discord example, a traitor can also have been manipulated into it themselves.

(For context, the villain basically promised Discord lots of power if he handed over the protagonists, but then the villain also sucked away Discord’s powers afterwards—won’t bother explaining MLP magic mechanics LOL)

3. Foreshadow It

A satisfying betrayal is usually a subtle, looming shadow that creeps over your plot before it makes its grand entrance during the scene when the character realizes the traitor sold them out.

A good example is in Shakespeare’s dramatization of Brutus’ betrayal:

Brutus’ loyalty to the REPUBLIC is made super clear throughout. When Caesar starts deviating, seeming more dictatorial, Brutus remains firm.

Their values are CLEARLY conflicting, so SOMETHING has to be done. Either:

they reconcile by both agreeing on either dictatorship or democracy

they turn on each other...and that’s what happens

Basically, planting the possibility in your reader’s mind is a great way to foreshadow a betrayal.

Other ideas could be:

traitor begins suddenly acting a lot warmer to the unsuspecting character, or even colder right BEFORE the betrayal

traitor is always TOO obedient and/or sycophantic

traitor acts suspicious, e.g. caught in lies, using inconsistent body language (ex. pretending to cry when talking about something really bad), caught talking to people they shouldn’t be talking to (e.g. rival gang)

∘₊✧────── ☾☼☽ ──────✧₊∘

instagram: @ grace_should_write

stay tuned for part 2!

Hope this was helpful, and let me know if you have any questions by commenting, re-blogging, or DMing me on IG. Any and all engagement is appreciated <3333

Happy writing, and have a great day!

- grace <3

#writers on tumblr #writing #writing tips #booktok #writer #writeblr #novel #writerslife #writergram #wattpad #betrayal #oc #writing stories #creating characters #characters #fantasy #ya fantasy #ya books #plot holes

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kikigeh · 2 years

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I decided to write down the most striking information from the season 5 bible leak. DO NOT INTERACT if you want to go into the season blindly but do interact if you want to discuss it. Heavy spoilers under the cut.

A few things to note before we go on:

The document's final revision is from 2020, this means that THIS DOCUMENT IS NOT FINAL and the information might differ from what we will be seeing in the end product.

Also, a show's bible is meant to go over the key points of the story and characters, it's not necessarily a synopsis of everything that you'll see in the show so save yourself the immediate belief that the season is going to suck because character A or thing B are not mentioned in length here.

The bullet points go in order of appearance in the document, hence the jumps in subjects.

With that out of the way, let's start. FINAL WARNING, leave if you don't want to be spoiled.

----------------

It is revealed that Marinette had a crush on Kim prior to the show starting. Confessing was a bad experience for her (thanks to Chloe) and that's the reason as to why she's so hesitant to confess to Adrien.

At the very end of the season, Ladybug and Chat Noir will finally be able to use their special powers without transforming back. They'll be able to use Lucky Charms/Cataclysms more than once.

Adrien will find the courage to tell Gabriel that he doesn't want to be a model.

Adrien realizes that he feels something special towards Marinette and, realizing that Ladybug will never love him back, he decides to pursue her instead.

Adrien and Marinette will have their first kiss on episode 23 "Collusion".

Gabriel, owing a favor to Tomoe Tsurugi, wants Adrien to be with Kagami.

Nathalie is described in the document as "eventually emerging as a surrogate mother to Adrien".

We will either see or hear what happens when Chat Noir uses his Cataclysm on a human being in the episode "Destruction"

Ladynoir's relationship will change; without Chat Noir's flirting and with Ladybug finally accepting that she needs him (no longer pushing him away), they become a perfect duo of platonic, supportive friends.

Lady Noire and Mister Bug make an appearance in Season 5 once more.

Ladybug will be merging the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous herself becoming "BugNoire".

The merging of the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous create a brand new Kwami whose ability is to grant a wish (Like Dragon Ball's Shenron). The magic formula is found within the Grimoire; Gabriel, however, does not know how to decipher it. This is why his goal is to find someone who does.

Ladybug/Marinette finds out Hawkmoth's identity. Chat Noir/Adrien, however, will NEVER learn about it.

Nathalie was introduced to the Agrestes by Mrs. Tsurugi. She was hired because she was a hunter of magical artifacts.

Nathalie is secretly in love with Gabriel and follows him blindly, however, she has a secret plan for herself and wishes to fuse the miraculous so that her own wish can be granted: Make Gabriel fall in love with her.

Monarch will akumatize people and then send out a miraculous their way this season.

At the end of the season, Gabriel will give up the butterfly miraculous and someone else will get a hold of it: Lila.

Lila has several identities and several families, somehow. She goes by Lila Rossi, Cerise and Iris Verdi for different scenarios.

Scarabella will make a comeback for the two episode special.

Chloe's butler's name is Armand; he's the only person who cares for Chloe. More about this will be brought up in the episode "Adoration".

Zoe has feelings for Marinette, but she doesn't dare to tell her. This will also come up in episode "Adoration".

Zoe will become the holder of the Black Cat miraculous during the two-part special.

Contrary to popular belief, there are no written implications about Juleka and Rose's relationship despite it being shown on-screen. Neither are there any implications about Marc and Nathaniel's.

Kim was ALSO in love with Marinette in 8th grade. He is said to be the root of Marinette's problems in the episode "Derision".

Kagami is described as having "powerful feelings" towards both Adrien and Marinette.

Luka will leave in Mid-Season 5 as to not compromise the identities of Ladybug and Chat Noir. He will leave with Jagged to Brazil, where he meets with Su-Han who will teach him Mirakung-fu. He'll go back to Paris in the finale.

Felix's new identity as the Peacock holder is called "Argos".

There will be several instances where we're reminded of Marinette's anxiety, mostly induced by her fears both as a civilian but also as Ladybug.

Marinette gives up on Adrien (or attempts to) and starts realizing that she may have feelings for Chat Noir, who has changed a lot since the end of S4.

Adrien asks Marinette out, which further complicates her feelings since she believes her crush on Adrien is detrimental.

Marinette is convincing herself that the one she loves is Chat Noir in order to forget about Adrien but he, who has given up on Ladybug, is intent on pursuing Marinette this time around.

There will be an apparent complete reversal of the lovesquare which may only culminate with Andre The Ice Maker's appearance to help them figure some things out.

Plagg and Tikki hurt from watching Marinette/Ladybug and Adrien/Chat Noir struggle with their feelings, which is why they opt for removing their miraculous and handing them out to other holders (Alya and Zoe).

Marinette thinks Zoe has a crush on Adrien. We know that that isn't quite the case and she is the object of Zoe's affection instead.

Lila and Chloe become the next class representatives. Lila is able to manipulate and control Chloe; because of their joint efforts, they become Monarch's strongest minions.

------------------------

I think the only three things I heavily dislike are:

1. The fact that Adrien will NEVER find out about his father 2. Lila is not a compelling character, so the show is definitely going to suffer with her as the lead villain. 3. Felix is not mentioned much, if at all. Seems like the sentimonster arc might take a backseat but then again, things could've changed during production from 2020 to 2022.

But other than that, I don't see why anyone would read the document and firmly believe that it's underwhelming. If anything, I find most of it extremely exciting compared to the other seasons. Only time will tell.... but anyway, until then, don't miss today's release of episode 1!

#miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #ml bible #ml leak #ml season 5

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sophieinwonderland · 3 months

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We are a tulpagenic system, I told my mom and sister about my headmates and they were accepting and supportive! But after meeting with a psychiatrist that changed.

One day during a depressive episode, a new headmate appeared. This new headmate started fronting everytime I was distressed. He scared me a little because he is kinda aggressive. (I say it in past tense because he doesn't scare me anymore! He has his reasons to be that way).

So yeah I told a psychiatrist about us, because I didn't know what to do and wanted help. She asked me if I had a video of me switching. One of us likes to make videos so we had one. After watching the video she asks me "what happened to you?" I say nothing, she says "something should have happened, because multiple personalities happen because of trauma". So she kept asking if something happened in my childhood, I really didn't know what to answer other than "nothing happened".

I didn't want to tell her about tulpamancy because I thought that would make everything more complicated.

After a time the new headmate fronted and got angry at her, and then she says "I don't want to talk with [new headmate's name] anymore, talk to me as [my name]".

She told me if I keep changing with these "characters" she would send a letter to my university that says I can't study psychology (the career I'm currently studying). At that moment I regretted telling not only her, but my mom and sister about us. My mistake. I admit I didn't think much about the consequences. Also as I said before, I was scared of the new headmate.

After that day when I mention my headmates to my mom and sister, they react strangely. Before, they would be enthusiastic, but now they just keep silent and try to change topics.

Sorry for writing the Bible, I wanted to get this off of my chest. 😅 Have a nice day/afternoon/evening!

Oh, WOW! I'm so sorry that happened. That is awful! And I'm pretty sure illegal.

Even assuming the therapist is ignorant of endogenic systems, this isn't even how you treat someone with DID. DID often comes with amnesia, and this may extend to forgetting of traumatic events. And even if traumatic events aren't remembered, people with PTSD tend to not want to talk about trauma. Avoidant behavior is a key aspect of trauma, and asking you if you're traumatized and getting mad if you say you're not is just a really bad practice, even for patients who actually have DID.

On top of that, while I don't know where you're from, in the United States at least, sending a letter to your university feels like a huge violation of HIPAA. I'm not certain if it's technically illegal to merely threaten to violate a patient's rights, but the fact they did, and in order to bully you into denying your experiences, at least indicates that they have no business treating other patients.

I would highly recommend finding a new psychiatrist immediately if you haven't already.

You did NOTHING wrong by coming out.

The psychiatrist who you seen is a terrible doctor and a danger to their patients. You aren't to blame for their actions.

#syscourse #pro endo #pro endogenic #multiplicity #sysblr #system stuff #plural #plurality #psychiatry #psych critical #therapy #mental health #systems #actually plural #actually a system

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dekusleftsock · 2 months

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“You should know more than anyone what a soul can do when they take charge of their own fate”—an analysis/accumulation of how Alastor views choice, redemption, and most importantly, Heaven

This quote I feel has gone… surprisingly unnoticed fandom wise. Hell, I haven’t even seen shippers address it. The reason? It destroys any and all ideas that Alastor doesn’t believe in redemption.

Now, why do I say this? We don’t know how Adam got into heaven in the first place, that is true, however we DO HAVE the context of the biblical story of Adam and Eve.

The story never tells us where they go. The Bible never outright says whether they fell because of the ultimate sin of temptation, nor does it say they repented themselves in their living life. However, because in Hazbin we have the context that Adam is both a winner and the leader of the angelic army, PROVES to me that in some way some how, Adam repented for his crime and the ultimate sin.

Adam, the person who literally made the worst sin in all of creation with the biggest impact, is in heaven. Not only that, but he’s the leader of the Angelic army, he has control. He has influence. He has power.

Fundamentally, repenting in the afterlife and in the living life work the same. They both take steps in betterment, and you can and should be forgiven for crimes that were committed. Because betterment isn’t just some selfish choice to make yourself happy, it’s for everyone. When you improve yourself, the people around you tend to be happier. Regardless of how heaven feels about it, or how YOU feel about it, improvement of any kind helps the world go round.

Alastor isn’t stupid, he isn’t naive, he isn’t even power hungry. He’s intelligent, he can put two and two together. If a winner who made the ultimate sin was somehow able to repent, anyone can. And that is dangerous information.

He sings about how he refuses to be altruistic, how he refuses to care. Not because he never BELIEVED in redemption, oh no, he does. He knows it’s possible, everyone can change—cut from the same fabric, a winner can just as much fall as a sinner can rise.

No, the reason Alastor hates this altruistic behavior or genuine care for others, is that it challenges the belief that he is unfeeling, inhuman. That he can rip himself from his very fundamentals.

Alastor is prideful. Aside from the serial killer aspect, it’s probably why he’s in hell in the first place. There’s a reason he parallels Lucifer so much, a reason his narrative foil is vox. Both of these men suffer from their abilities to look past their own power and reach, to the point one of them is the ruler of the pride ring.

And this prideful problem is what keeps him from accepting change—he has to be special, he has to be different, he has to be the performer, he has to be in control. Why wouldn’t a man so obsessed with control over his status and the people around him NOT BELIEVE in redemption? That’s so unbelievably far from that concept. It’s the polar opposite even.

Alastor is actively choosing not to redeem himself. It’s honestly the main flaw in Charlie’s plan to begin with—the average sinner is far more likely to choose redemption because they have been put in a place of genuine suffering; however, overlords are unique in the ways that overindulgence actively empowers them. They are choosing to bad things, not because of happenstance or even trauma. It’s why characters like Valentino are so easily dislikable, even though other characters or other sinners have or are actively doing as bad or worse things than him. (I trust the fandom on here understands that liking a character vs liking their actions are different and that it makes sense for people to genuinely like Valentino 🙏🙏- signed by someone who isn’t necessarily a Val fan just someone who enjoys his interest and what he brings to the table antagonist wise)

Val, Vox, and Vell all choose to do bad things. They are one of the few sinners within hell who HAVE the choice to make others happier/make themself better without Charlie’s involvement, which is why they ARE such good antagonists. It challenges Charlie’s beliefs in whether every sinner can or should be redeemed, and for that reason alone I find them an interesting concept.

Getting back to Alastor specifically, however, he chooses to carry himself as someone who cares most about the entertainment of himself and the general population. He is untouchable, sadistic, unfeeling, uncaring, and most importantly, he is irredeemable. Charlie cannot and should not touch him with a twelve foot stick of empathy if she wishes to keep her dream alive. <- this is how I think he wants himself to be perceived

This was my thought process of him—at least up until the finale—he doesn’t want anyone to know what’s going on underneath that smile; there’s this post that was made on an Alastor ask blog a while ago, I’ll link it here, but I think it speaks to such an important part of Alastor and his character.

"The clothes I wear—to finally loop back to your original question, terribly sorry for the digression!—they serve two purposes. One, they consistently identify me, like a uniform. Two, they keep your damn eyes off everything but my smile."

It’s an amazing monologue and is apart of a very funny fic based off of the ask blog, which I’ll link here, but I think it articulated something about Alastor that, up until the point where I’d read that fic, had felt unexplainable.

Alastor’s smile has never been “forced” upon by anything. And if it is, well I guess I’ll eat my words and complain about how very uncreative it is, but this is his choice and his alone. Just as Alastor is choosing not to redeem himself, he is also choosing to smile, day in and day out, when he’s stressed out of his mind or having a good ol’ meltdown. It’s not that he physically can’t do so, but that a mental key is unable to be pushed into a misshapen lock.

Alastor, is a performer. At heart he’s a radio host. Why would a radio host have to smile? Why, you can hear it in his voice of course! It promotes a feeling. Studies upon studies have been done about how acting like an emotion you WANT to have can bring you closer to that emotion. Like, say, smiling while performing a radio broadcast after staying up all night killing people can help you stay chipper and professional!

And, as Alastor explains, a smile to him is a tool. The first thing you notice about someone at any given moment is their face.

But, I made a specific bit of wording earlier. I said my perspective was that he is someone who wants to be perceived as irredeemable.

But, given how he chose to reveal that aspect of himself with Charlie, I almost feel unsure now.

Obviously Alastor was never an angel. Viv is so obvious about it visually with vaggie and possibly carmilla, that atp I think I could point out anyone who came along and looked vaguely angelic and be right. He wasn’t. Unclipping his wings meant something like, trying to take control back. Everyone perceived this “thing” he’s describing, as a who.

Who has control over Alastor, who has him on a leash, who makes Alastor feel genuine, unable to hide, overwhelming fear. And this could still be a who.

But it could also be a what. Or a place. Or a noun. Unclipping his wings may even mean… going to heaven.

Do I think he wants to do this the fair and just way? No. No he doesn’t. He’s fucking Alastor. Whenever we think about him being empathetic, I will remind us that he is still Alastor who has killed thousands. He should redeem himself, he should want to, he should try, but he’s not doing that. Not yet.

So, to get back to our boy Adam and Alastor’s little monologue to him, it’s clear to me that Alastor believes anyone can take charge. God, angels, demons, Lucifer, they don’t have power. Not really. Because when it comes down to it, your soul and what you do with it is still yours. That’s power. It’s why I used that monologue and explained my perspective on his smile, just as much as he chooses his fate, chooses his words, chooses his smile—having a choice and control over oneself is power.

“What a soul can do when they take charge of their own fate.” Taking charge of one’s fate is what Alastor perceives to be true power. He tries to enact this through his fight with Adam, yet fails spectacularly when he lacks the true nuance to having control over one’s soul—care. Love. Fighting for something or someone else.

Everyone else in this fight wins a major battle in some way—Angel saves one of the egg boys/protects the hotel(I’m including husker in this example), Charlie saves her dad, Vaggie saves Charlie, Sir pentious by all accounts still wins in the end against Adam because he becomes a winner after fighting for Cherri, so on and so forth—the only one fighting for no one or nothing here is Alastor. Funny how, in the one fight in sir pentious’ life where he fights for someone else or something else, he gets his cake and eats it too. He becomes a winner. Adam still dies. He doesn’t win but he does.

Alastor is choosing to not redeem himself, to not care, because he doesn’t have to as an overlord—but if he wants to prove himself, if he wants control, if he wants to take charge of his fate… he has to let himself. He has to choose to care about something outside of himself. Being in denial that your plan may be inherently altruistic and that you only care to the extent that you have to, isn’t fighting for something.

And this is Adam’s problem too! He’s long since stopped fighting for any real purpose than getting hard on beating people who can’t fight back, and this is WHY he loses! He isn’t fighting for anyone! He isn’t even fighting to protect the institution of heaven. This is why someone like Sera is dangerous, she cares about something outside of being an authority over a place. She cares about Emily.

And I have to say, I’m rooting for Alastor. Regardless of how selfish his plan may be, I’m still rooting for him—because for him to do what he wants done, he has to better himself.

I think remembering the context that Hazbin is inherently about choosing to stand back up after being kicked down, is so so important. It’s about choosing to love yourself, choosing to care, choosing to improve. And I love that Viv is making her message about how no one can be better without choosing to do so. You can’t make someone fix themself, you can’t make someone care, you can’t make someone love themself.

And I know this is a thing said often times to put people with mental health issues down, but it does have some merit to it. You can’t get better unless you try. Nothing will make you, that has been and always will be, your choice.

#hazbin spoilers #hazbin hotel #hazbin charlie #hazbin alastor #I’m only tagging Charlie bc she’s kind of the main contributor here but like. if you’re reading the tags first this is a very general-#analysis of hazbin but mainly about Alastor. hope you still read it though🫶🫶#hazbin hotel analysis #alastor analysis #alastor #literary analysis #hazbin hotel adam #Adam my bbg you will get your own post one day 🙏🙏#also I’m not making a hazbin warning at the top bc you can just block the tag

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gearbox-doll · 11 months

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Okay but I'd love to genuinely have a debate with someone, where everything is completely neutral and I don't have to worry about getting judged outside of the room, about why incest is bad.

Because like. Beyond the ick factor that most people feel, which wouldn't exist if it weren't so heavily stigmatized, why is it bad? I want a well thought-out, logical, neutral answer.

If it's because their kids would have mutations or whatever: first off, stikes me as kinda like eugenics. "They shouldn't have kids because their kids might be disabled", is what you're saying. Plus, the really bad stuff tends to crop up only after a few generations, and honestly I don't see that happening unless the family is specifically only marrying within itself? Like, I feel like in a world where incest is normalized, there would be equal chances of falling in love with a family member as there are falling in love with someone you aren't related to. Just because it's a possibility doesn't mean it's gonna overtake everything else. And that's not even bringing up y'know, gay couples or childless couples in general.

"It's wrong!": Why? Why is it wrong? Does the bible tell you that? (Genuinely asking, it's been a while since I've read the bible.) If it does, what about people who don't believe in the bible? Setting aside the idea of "everyone should believe in the bible", what is a non-religious reason someone should think incest is bad? Why does the bible say it's wrong? Are there explanations? Is it a case of "this was dangerous back then but now we have ways to deal with it"?

Abuse: no relationship style is inherently abusive, so I ask you this: why is incestuous abuse worse than non-incestuous abuse? Why is romantically abusing your child worse than romantically abusing someone the same age as your child? They should hold the same weight, no? And if they do, then why isn't it illegal for someone to date someone the same age as (or younger than) their child? If the person is an adult, don't they have a similar dynamic?

What about siblings? Siblings usually have a smaller age-gap right? What about twins or triplets? Why is incestuous abuse in this kind of case considered worse than domestic violence? Obviously it's not illegal to date an abuser that's similar in age to you. You can get them arrested for abuse, yes, but it's not illegal to date them, or for others to date them.

And yes, I know there are certain dynamics that are only found in families (golden child vs scapegoat, the power a parent has over a child, etc), but I think those are symptoms of other issues that should also be solved. A parent only has that much power over a child because children don't have equal rights. So give the kids more ability to stand up for themselves! And even so, in a relationship with that kind of age gap, I'd be willing to say that the older partner has that kind of power over the younger partner regardless of whether they're related or not, because often it's the older partner who has more money, a better space to live, is older so they "know better" etc which so easily allows them to control the younger partner. Just like in a parent/child relationship, the older party has to be aware of what kind of control they have, and make sure they aren't hurting the other, to be a good parent/partner.

As for golden child vs scapegoat, I think that kind of dynamic can just as easily be found outside of family structures, though for different reasons. A popular kid and someone who's bullied, for example. You get what I'm saying?

Like honestly if you can give a good, well thought out response to this I'll read it and consider it! I'll see if I agree with you or if I can find evidence to refute you! Let's make it a debate.

If you're just going to yell at me bc incest bad or whatever though, you're getting blocked.

#pro consang #consang #consanguinamory #radqueer #maybe it's just the autism idk

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immasock · 3 months

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Hello.... I just came back from church and I will worship demons again. Anyway, I just came into mind to Nephalem! Mc, (I love really OP MC) and I was forced to read the bible and another version that's the reason I've come to this conclusion. So like it's between Belith (the most powerful demon king who owns 85(?) demon legions) and Seraphina (the female version of the six winged seraphim) they do the nasty and boom demonangel baby whose raised in an human orphanage because God forbids and Bebelith's (uwu) kingdom opposed. And the child somehow almost terrorizes the entire human race without exposing themselves. Imagine those reactions from the bros + dateables hekhek. I really love the bible sometimes you know...

It’s been too long but my god I’m excited to do this one. I always love your ideas

Nephalem!MC + The Obey me boys

Pronouns: They/Them

The chaos

MC grew up as an orphan, going in and out of foster homes and different adoptive parents. It never lasted though. No one knew why. The kid seemed nice enough, if not a little quiet

Some say it was because they were too quiet. They never talked or bonded with the families. Others say that it was because the other families kept having kids of their own and decided they didn’t need MC anymore

But the real reason? The real reason was because they were actually a little terror

They would start out seeming innocent, sure, but that was all a part of their plan

After about a week though? They would start causing all sorts of chaos.

When MC got sent down to the Devildom, they thought it would be the same thing. They’d be there for maybe a month and then be sent back. But no, that’s not quite what happened

Lucifer:

When MC first came through the portal, he wasn’t quite sure what to make of them

He knew that something wasn’t quite right about them but that would have to be an issue for later

He has things to do

He assigned Mammon to deal with them while he went back to his office to check this “humans” file

Except wait

They are, in fact, not a human

Well fuck

This didn’t go like he planned

He immediately tells Diavolo, thinking he’d want to send MC back and get a new exchange student

But no

He wants to keep them

Of course 😑

Lucifer can’t do much else besides just proceed as normal, he supposes

But he does keep an eye on the kid

It’s bad enough that he’s got to be responsible for a child, but a Nephalem?

He’s going to be grey by the time the exchange program is over

Mammon:

He genuinely has no clue

I love him but he doesn’t have the faintest idea

MC walks through that portal and he just assumes they’re just some human

Honestly, he won’t figure it out unless he’s told or if he catches them doing something

Even then, he might just assume they’ve been hanging around Solomon too much

He is, however, a great target for MCs chaos

He’s constantly being messed with

His things go missing, only to show up in random places

Grimm will appear and disappear in front of him

You get the gist

He’s easy to mess with

Which is why MC likes to hang around him

But he doesn’t mind too much

Once he warms up to them at least

He enjoys the company

Leviathan:

He also doesn’t know

But it’s mostly just because he doesn’t care

He’s focused on his games and anime

I get the feeling that he would be all over it if he found out though

Like he would think that it’s super cool

He could absolutely figure it out if he decided to dedicate the brain power to it

But he’s got other things to worry about

He’s also pretty easy to mess with

But be careful

He’s not just gonna get over it quickly like Mammon does

While MC could probably take Levi, I wouldn’t recommend it

Maybe avoid doing anything to his collections

Satan:

He figures it out pretty quickly

He’s a smart demon

MC absolutely fascinates him

He spends a bunch of his free time studying them

Trying to figure out anything and everything he can about them

Well

Until MC decides to be a little shit

Books start going missing and showing back up with writing on the pages

His feather boa is nowhere to be found (Though Mammon and Asmodeus aren’t complaining about that one)

At one point, Satan got turned into a cat for a few hours

Okay he didn’t mind that one all that much but still

It’s about the principle

It’s not smart to mess with him either but oh well

Asmodeus:

Every time I do a child!mc, I say the same thing

He absolutely adores them

He thinks they’re adorable and he can’t wait to dress them up

Maybe not this one tho

He still thinks they’re cute and wants to do little fashion shows with them, but it’s not really going to go how he planned

It’s crazy

Makeup isn’t the right color and the clothes keep changing into other clothes

How weird

In reality, MC just doesn’t like being dressed up so they have to make it fun for themselves somehow

I don’t have much to say for Asmo

Except that he’s gonna be a bit of a good sport when it comes to the chaos that is MC

Beelzebub:

Honestly

He also does not notice that there’s something off about the “human”

He’s gonna be easy to mess with as well

But do be careful

Stay away from his food

We’ve all seen the rampages he goes on when someone touches his food

I think that he would just assume that MC is this fragile little child and so he’d try to protect them

But he’s in for a surprise the first time that someone tries to mess with them

You can imagine that he’s speechless when he sees MC, this small child, absolutely demolish some demon

Doesn’t have to be physically

They could verbally destroy some random demon trying to mess with them as well

Either way, he wasn’t expecting it

Belphegor:

Honestly, this could go either way

I don’t think he’d be able to tell right away

Which is where lesson 16 would come in

But I think that, based on how this MC would react, he’d figure out that something isn’t quite right after that

There’s no way in hell this is some normal human, right?

Not after all that

Once he figures it out, he’d be pretty indifferent

He’d be put at ease that there isn’t a human staying with them

And he’d be more than happy to help them cause chaos

Especially if it’s directed towards Lucifer

Somehow tho

I don’t think he’d be that easy to fuck with

I feel like he’d be unbothered by anything they could do to him

Well

Mostly

Diavolo:

Once again, absolutely loves them

Even before he finds out

Which doesn’t take that long

Obviously

Since Lucifer found out and told him

I feel like he would be 100% on board with any mischief that they cause

Having to do all his princely duties all the time is so boring

He enjoys the entertainment

He would probably also be enamored with them

Wanting to see all that they can do

I dunno I wasn’t able to fall asleep last night so my brain isn’t very creative

He would try and involve them and what they can do in things and events

Most likely

He’s just excited

Barbatos:

He knew first

He just didn’t tell anyone

Because why would he?

I swear, this man lives for drama

He would never admit it but it’s true

Anyways

He doesn’t care either

As long as MC doesn’t cause problems

Which they absolutely will

I feel like his attitude towards MC would be similar to what it is with Dia and Luke

Just another child to look after

He’s fond of them tho

Don’t let him tell you otherwise

Simeon:

I don’t have much to say about him

He might be able to tell

Or he might not

If he does, he definitely does that thing he does where he doesn’t outright say he knows, but he drops hints

He might make a passing comment about how MC is similar to some of the angels he knows

And then a day later say how they remind him of one of the brothers

He would definitely wait for MC to outright tell him tho to actually say anything

He’s respectful like that

Solomon:

He knows

Maybe not right away but pretty early on

He’s also absolutely fascinated

He wants to do so many tests on them

Surely they react differently to his potions and spells, no?

Maybe they’ll love his cooking like the rest of them

That’s what he thinks at least

Or not

It’s been a while since I’ve played but I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew no one liked his cooking but he kept doing it just to take the piss

He’s such an asshole and I love him

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me asmo #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me solomon

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iamfujoshiwe · 10 days

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VegasPete Rambling

I usually only read Japanese Manga. I even filtered my search to strictly show only Japanese Manga. And out of nowhere I have this urge to try watching Live Action BL Drama I filtered them to Japanese too. But to be honest I'm not fond of Japanese BL Drama. Well maybe my taste is just different from others (I only watched a few of them so who knows). Sometimes the acting is weird. I guess a good comedy/gag in manga is just not translated well enough in live action.

Aaannndd in the middle of searching BL Drama I discovered the fckn "KINNPORSCHE THE SERIES". I saw them a few times on tumblr. Some gifs. Some fangirling posts. I was sceptic about Thai BL. I didn't even know Thai BL exist until now. But I decided to give it a try anyway. And boy do I fell hard. HARD!!! It altered the chemistry in my brain!! KPTS had aired two years ago and I just found it now???? Have I live in the cave all my life????

From ep 1 I immediately fell in love. The acting, the character's chemistry, and everything is so amazing. I didn't sense any awkward acting/dialogue I usually saw in Japanese BL Drama (No offense really, it was just me). I literally stopped reading all my followed BL/Non BL Manga and and even stopped reading the new ones too.

All the time my mind just screaming "WHAT A FINE MAN" everytime Porsche appeared. But for real Apo is soooooo good looking.

And when Kinn appeared I just got distracted by his chest. Sir, buttons exist for a reason you know. What grudge do you have with them? (Not that I mind of course). Mile is born to play Kinn.

Then I met VegasPete couple. Let me tell you, when I have obsesssion I really do obsess them to oblivion. Having tunnel vision about them. VegasPete takes the cake.

At first I have this thought: Every actor in KPTS is so good looking so why this vegas character is… not as good looking as them? (Yeah I want to kill my past self for that).

I have this funny feeling about thai actor's voice. Maybe because Thai language is a foreign language to me. I don't hear them often, as opposed to english and japanese (and my main language of course). That's one of the reason why I filtered my search to just Japanese BL Drama. But Vegas' voice OMG. I adore his voice so much. And Bible speaking english is just * CHEF'S KISS * I melted everytime I listen to his voice. BIBLE SPEAKING ENGLISH IS A GIFT TO HUMANITY!! AND THAT HUMANITY IS ME!!!

When VegasPete plot took off, my focus immediately shift to them (I am sorry Kinn and Porsche). I can't count how many times I rewatched their scenes.

I definitely have to include Pete's cry in Yok's bar (when he met vegas after he had ran away from safehouse) and swimming pool (after Vegas got shot). Such a raw emotion. 100 point for Build! I come to love him because his crying voice lol.

Vegas and Pete easily become my favorites. So naturally I have to search for their actor right? And thus began my search for Bible and Build…..

ONLY FOR MY HEART TO BE CRUSHED! MY SHIP HAD SUNK ALREADY!

Build's scandal on his old socmed post? His scandal with Poi? I don't really mind. But Build talking bad about Bible? Yeah my heart couldn't take it. It's in pieces (In a way I'm glad because when all the chaos took place I haven't entered the fandom yet so I never encounter their fan's toxicity). But I respect their decision to go their own way. I know it's not healthy for them to continue working together. So yeah I am sad but their mental health is more important.

Soooooo now I'm still deep in VegasPete swamp (with occasional breaking down when I remember BibleBuild). I choose to sink in VegasPete fanfictions on ao3. And woah there are soooo many amazing author there. Their fics are spectacular! I can't thank them enough for doing God's work creating those holy VegasPete fics.

Oh and anyway I read VegasPete novel too. But I don't like it…. their character are too different from the show. Honestly fanfictions are waaay better…. KinnPorsche novel too. One chapter and I was like nope, I couldn't bring myself to read further. End of story.

And that's why as of now I still can't read manga or watch any other BL Drama. Damn VegasPete! (Affectionate). My waiting list are Not Me The Series and Last Twilight. I hope I'll collect enough braincell soon so I can start watching them. There are so many BL and Non BL manga I haven't continue reading.

#kinnporche the series #vegaspete #vegas kornwit theerapanyakun #pete phongsakorn saengtham #vegas theerapanyakul #pete phongsakorn #bible wichapas #kinn anakinn theerapanyakul #porsche pachara kittisawasd

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holylottie · 3 months

Text

aching bones, aching teeth [04]

masterlist [trailer and TW's]

PAIRING — Lottie Matthews x fem!reader

CHAPTER SINOPSIS — The other girls went to a journey that Lottie didn't want to go (the other girls went to a journey you couldn't follow).

NOTE — english is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes you might find. Please read the tw's first! Thank you for reading :)

Chapter 04 — the trees singing

When you looked in the mirror, you brought your notebook with yourself, with a red and white pattern fabric cover, and in it you made lists, listing every little thing that was different from the day before. You liked to keep yourself sane, to keep track of where you had changed and how you perceived that change. Most days, things stayed the same, but there were moments, like this one, when you felt that something had changed, but you had no idea what it was.

Something in me wants more. I can't rest. Sylvia Plath, Your first forbidden reading.

You thought about the notes in your notebook, how your hair grew a finger after you started not straightening it, and how when your mother found out, you would cut it off.

You thought about the white dress you were wearing, about how you couldn't even look at your own body without your nightgown on.

You thought about Stephen and how you would hate the life you were leading, you thought about being angry, angry at literature, at thoughts and at Charlotte, because you knew, you knew, that the only reason you wanted so much more was because you knew there was more than what you had.

You wondered if it was worth living a life of ignorance or a life full of incomplete desires.

You thought about Lottie's eyes and came to the conclusion that nothing would be more valuable than having her attention on you.

And then you felt a tear run down your cheek, the drop taking you out of your train of thought and back onto the tracks of the real world.

It wasn't a tear of sadness, but a tear of polish. You had been staring at yourself in the mirror all this time, without blinking.

As for me, I had a lot to say. But I remained silent. Albert Camus, 1932, studied it in the first period, between free classes and before cheerleading practice, where you went just to steal the other girl’s glances. Nothing fulfilling.

You stared at the little desk on your left, a decorated letter on the top of it.

All of your promises were handwritten and sealed with wax in a beautiful colored envelope full of stickers. You liked concrete things —including words.

You wiped your eyes and left the room, straightening your clothes and walking to the kitchen to start preparing breakfast.

1996

— I still have a bad feeling about this place.

— I can sleep outside with you if you want us to.

Lottie smiled at you, shaking her head.

— We all need to stay together, or else, everything will start to fall and freeze.

You couldn’t really grasp what she was truly saying, but you were used to it by now: always looking for more of Lottie to understand. You two were laying down on the floor of the cabin, sharing a mattress while watching everyone else sleep. Things had turned a little sour ever since the night where Lottie screamed in the attic. You still were mad at Laura for hitting on her with your own bible. What kind of forgiveness could a bloody thing give?

You shake your head, looking at your dirty nails with a sigh, you really wanted to have some nail polish right now. A lot of the girls thought you were a bit stupid for wanting to keep getting yourself dolled up while in the middle of the woods, but you had an urgent need of being pretty all the time. Perhaps it was simply a like to dress up.

Or, perhaps, it was the thought of always having a man over your shoulder, telling how you needed to look or be, what to say and think. Who to kiss.

Lottie held your hand extra tight when she was having nightmares. You felt jealousy of Lottie’s body. Not in a way “She’s much prettier than me”, but in a way of “her cells can reach places my hand can’t”.

Her hand went to your knee, caressing it slightly.

— I don’t like when you do this, — she said, fingertips passing so very gently and carefully on your wounds — you don’t have to ask forgiveness for anything.

You wished she was right, but Lottie didn’t even know what you did, how could she grant you forgiveness?

Charlotte smiled in between the silence, sitting on the floor next to her best friend, her mind creating narratives, possible paragraphs for the letter she was writing to you.

"I'm sitting here with you, at the kitchen table. I'm holding a knife, but my grip isn't the same as your mother's. I'm holding it to cut an orange. I hold it to cut an orange. I give you the juiciest part."

She had gotten stuck on that part. How were you able to write so many promises so subtly and quickly? You made it seem as if pledging your soul to someone else was something trivial.

— Do you think my mother takes pleasure in hurting my heart?

You turned your face towards your best friend, tilting your head to one side as you always did when you expected an answer. Charlotte had it, she always did.

— I don't know, maybe she wants to soften the meat before she eats it, only in this case the hammer is words and there's only one person at supper... who keeps banging on the already cooked meal.

— So my mother wants to eat my heart?

— No, but she certainly wants it for herself. Maybe she'll freeze it, keep it in a box and only give it back to you after your wedding... of course, under the guardianship of your future husband, not yours.

Charlotte's words made you snort, your lips quivering slightly at the mere thought of marriage —you shivered at the thought that you might, at some point, have to make promises to a man. You would never write letters to a boy and, if you had to, you would burn them as soon as your mother saw it, make a little house out of the leftover dust (and live with Charlotte there forever).

— quia pulvis es et in pulverem reverteris.

You murmured quietly to herself. Charlotte looked at you curiously, her eyebrows raised in doubt, not understanding what you were saying.

— I'd burn with you.

— Do you miss too much of your family, Misty?

Your sudden question took her out of her bubble of thoughts. She stared at you for a couple of seconds in an awkward silence before speaking.

— I don't know, I don't remember much of our time together... In fact, I remember almost nothing. — Misty complained, frowning. It was a lie, she remembered, she just didn’t want to.

— I wish I could forget. — you said, getting closer to her with a smile on your face. Big gentle eyes looking at Quigley as your hand goes to her shoulder — I think we should make lots of memories together, then. That way, I can keep them for you.

The phrase made Misty's body warm up, a happy smile on her face as she nodded.

You two giggled together, pressing the berries you’ve found to make the medicine Misty had the recipe for.

Misty looked at her palm, and then at you, offering a piece of her meat. You shook your head, denying it.

— No, thank you, I cannot eat today.

She frowned, asking: — some kind of religious fast?

— No, no, not really, — you shake your head, giggling — I’m testing some plants I've found… to see if it is poisonous or not.

— So to test it you fucking ate it? — her mouth was wide open — are you crazy?

— It’s the only way to see if the other can eat it… — you say it isn’t such a big deal — I don’t eat everything I find! I have a process, okay?

Misty is still wary about your ideas, but she listens closely. Maybe wondering how you two never found each other before, you were so alike, so eager to be needed.

— First I inspect it, I don't eat the ones with little bites on it or the dead ones, then I smell it, if they have certain odors you shouldn’t eat them, like peaches… I rub a piece of it on my belly and wait a long time… If it doesn't get red, I start a whole other routine to see it is edible.

— Sounds like a lot of work… a deadly one.

— Well, we all got to help in some way, right? — you didn’t mention how the first ones gave you a horrible headache and stomach pain. Perhaps this was your cross: the suffering of Jesus was integral to his obedience and faithfulness to God.

— Have you had any luck yet?

— I did actually, and it tastes almost nice.

— almost nice sounds horrible — Misty answered, laughing, making you laugh too.

— Hey! Don’t be mean to my sweet little leaf — You retorted, putting the most strength you could get onto the berries, you needed to have all the liquid pass through the fabric — Such a pretty color for lipstick.

— Only if you want poisonous lips.

Misty comment made you think about the idea of having poison on your lips.

You would kiss every man on earth.

Natalie and you were looking at Lottie eagerly, staring at the young lady, Nat with the gun and you with the can in your hands —like Cain and Abel unknowingly setting their fates onto their offerings, looking at God (only one receiving the eyes back).

Lottie didn’t say anything, only putting back the bullets on the gun and taking the can out of your hands, closing it to give to Taissa and the other girls. She and Nat left quickly.

Van got closer and looked at you, with those orbs who could unravel all your secrets.

— You like her, don’t you?

You frowned, tilting your head slightly.

— Who doesn’t?

Van decided not to put so much into the conversation, she knew it would come to you at the right time.

— You truly won’t go with us?

You wanted to go, truly wanted to, but found yourself unable to go somewhere Lottie wouldn’t be able to follow.

— No, I won’t… got to keep everyone on track around here since you won't be able to do it.

— Ah, of course I would — she giggles, hugging you before starting to leave.

You stare at their departure, a pang on your chest: you did not want to have the group split.

Your mind goes to a few days ago, when Lottie had been redeemed, Laura and you at the lake, with Lee holding Lottie. You wanted to be present, but not to be a part of it —too afraid your dirty would pollute the holy lake.

It was a place of holiness, ever since the beginning meaning that things would get better, a symbol of hope. Whenever Lottie felt lost, she could find assurance and answers on the water —which, coincidentally, was your favorite place to be. You loved the idea of it all being washed away, cleaned.

However, watching them leave, knowing about the red lake… you wondered if even Moses would be able to bend such obstacles.

You knew nothing would remain the same.

— I'd be afraid to sleep near a window that big… — you said, staring at the huge window on the right side of the cabin, a heavy but very damaged curtain folded at the side.

— It's a better view than your scary porcelain dolls… —Lottie answered, throwing your sheep plush in your direction.

— Please don't talk badly about my daughters, it's a delicate subject! — you laughed, putting the plush on your lap, making Laura laugh too — oh...

With the sudden change of subject, Charlotte followed your vision, sitting down on the floor next to Lee and you, looking out of the window at the view outside.

— They're making a nest in such a horrible tree! It moves too much...

Lottie frowned, taking a step forward, as if the proximity would make her better able to understand the animal mentality.

— Is it bad to find familiarity without stability, tiq?

She asked, but her eyes remained outside, studying the way the wind made the leaves move, the branches wobbly and about to break, the roots thick and strong.

You listened, but your eyes remained on your best friend in silence, studying the way her bangs fell over her forehead, how her cheekbones shone in the orange light of the room.

You two both smiled into your fields of vision as if you two were seeing all the wonders of the world at once, an epiphany of beauty so close to the touch of your hands.

No man can bathe twice in the same river.

2021

You were not able to sleep, to eat or think about anything else but the blank canvas on your room. Twelve hours ago you had entered your office and weren't able to leave since, having the urgent need to make the perfect painting —there were already four finished on the corner of the room, but they weren't good enough.

Nothing was good enough.

Your stomach was hurt and you could feel your underwear wet from how much you've been sitting down without going to the bathroom or even moving, your body ached for a stretch.

You hear a loud noise, an animal scream, so you turn around, it gets you out of your obsessive haze and puts you into another one: one that searches for directions.

Your feet take you to the forest, the one only a few feet away from your residence, like your own personal (haunted) garden.

You smile as your bare feet touch the hard floor, stepping on rocks and sticks, you giggle with yourself, your arms moving freely, your hands dancing around your body.

You dance in the woods.

You sleep on the dirt —you feel safe at home.

#yellowjackets #itmighthavebeenlibrary #aching bones aching teeth #reader insert #yellowjackets x you #yellowjackets x reader #autistic lottie matthews #lottie matthews x you #lottie matthews x reader #lottie matthews

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hikennosabo · 4 months

Text

#tristampparty day 11, episode 11: to a new world

can you believe it's almost over already... @tristampparty let's go.

meryl and wolfwood's dynamic is so funny

two things: one, this is the first time we see present-day-him out of his blankie!! two, he can speak clearly, but vash is struggling to breathe... i wonder if on top of not needing to eat and sleep, knives also doesn't need to breathe... but i also wonder if vash actually needs to breathe himself. considering next episode they fly up into space and vash seems fine.

okay, i guess "100 years" from episode 9 was a number from conrad...

wow this is just like 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors for the Nintendo DS

he says it's his hypothesis so... is he lying or is his hypothesis just wrong? i... i don't know if he would be lying on purpose. or if he's actually right and this is genuine orange original lore (doubt). how did he come to this conclusion? how would he detect the presence or absence of a soul anyway? imagine if this plan actually succeeded in the end. what would have happened? how would conrad have reacted if he was proved wrong?

viewing knives's microexpressions again like a completely normal person. his face softens when he says this. he really does genuinely care about the plants. it's just that his way of "caring" is. um. Like That.

COME. LET US TAKE IBUPROFEN TOGETHER.

subtle storytelling techniques. also again sinners with the capital S. also hello knives, you're so pretty!

he's both a receiver and a transmitter, wow this is just like 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors for the Nintendo DS

not to keep overanalyzing knives's expressions, but... he looks a bit sad that vash will forget him. even though HE'S THE ONE MAKING HIM FORGET. ugh. knives, you're so. you're so. so frustrating.

waaaaiiit knives with the punisher tho... and the hand on the hip... he's serving

so much of this is vash's insecurities being made manifest, i wonder how much "work" knives actually has to do here. vash is full to the brim with guilt, it's not something knives would have to do much to bring out of him. well, most of that guilt is knives's fault to begin with...

this always gets me. this ALWAYS gets me... "love," he says... love, huh... love... i do think there is love. i do think love exists between them. it exists, but this is not an act of love. or, if you must call it love, if knives is telling himself he's doing this out of love, it's a love filtered through a thousand (or a million, haha, get it) layers of fear and trauma.

the "plant room" is where tesla is, right? we've only seen the one other geranium. also rem makes an "oh shit" face when nai says that...

thinking about this conversation. this... back and forth between vash and nai... about how humanlike vash is and how plantlike nai is. it's a sore spot for both of them... it clearly is for vash, but thinking about how nai feels... he's the one who's being asked to put on an act. he's the one being asked to suppress a part of himself. i know that's rem's way of trying to protect him, but... it must make him feel bad. even if he doesn't make it obvious. maybe that's why he keeps making digs at vash. :(

oh, it did, but if knives were to acknowledge that, his entire worldview would collapse, so...

vash tabs over to his own profile and then scrolls to tesla's profile. why is nai in a different tab than vash and tesla. for that matter, if vash and nai were supposed to be a secret, why do they have profiles in the database at all. did rem make those? did conrad?

maybe rem's biggest mistake was letting nai read the bible

the microexpressions again :')

he's saying this to manipulate vash but is that the only reason why he's saying it? is this what knives genuinely believes?

okay i don't care about this guy at all but the fact that he's still holding his noodles is funny. i'd do the same.

speak for yourself, knives.

WAIT HIS BLANKIE IS ON AGAIN FOR THIS? hmmm... his blankie. his cocoon, his shield. is it because he's killing rem? again? so he needs his blankie? as a form of comfort. he uses his blankie to hide, it covers his face.

i genuinely do not know what i should call it besides "blankie." sorry.

the way he words this... i thought maybe he was using cryosleep to extend his life like luida and brad, but no i think he just actually lived that long. he's got a few... attachments(?) so i guess those were part of the life-elongating process...?

hmm maybe he did use cryosleep though, since he said he's done 100 years of research even though it's been 150 years...? either way he's old as fuck though LOL so there is some fuckery going on

he's doing bad things right now. he's being bad. but his squinty face is so cute LOL

WHERE was that post that pointed out this looks like rem. bc it does. if you look closely, that's her hair.

ummm... it's after midnight again... i think i should be able to write and publish tomorrow's post in a more timely manner :'D

#*makes 999 references* *doesn't elaborate*#tristampparty #june speaks #trigun talk

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anonymous-dentist · 5 months

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I think the worst part is gosthies like to treat bad like a poor baby and the non english speaking parts of the fandom (brazilians, mainly brazilians) like we are fucking dream team stans part 2

Like yeah poor him because he suffered alot of hate in his dsmp days but HOWEVER the narrative that he is being "targeted" in the qsmp fandom is BULLSHIT maybe not in the english speaking part of the fandom but he is not a poor small uwu bean

He has one of the bigest comunity of all qsmp, that just grew bigger in a internacional scale

The non english speaking comunitys are "turning' on him because of 4 things

1. His defence of dream, speaking in a brazilian vision, dream to the general Internet public was just some random streamer that cheated the mob vote in minecraft, the guy that faked a speed run and most important a "pedophile", and that made everybody mad especially because HIS fandom had a whole ass narrative to us talking about "ooh poor bad, nobody respected his basic boundaries, your streamer/fandoms ware the first to respect him" this is mainly why people just think he is probably a prejudiced men, he hangs out with a lot of problematic men só he must be the same

2. Everybody being tired of his micro-agressive jokes, he does this since like pre-elections and since the xenophobia in the fandom kinda "grew", people are kinda lashing out at all his actions and since he is doing with more comunitys besides the brazilians people tend to agree with this

3. His fandom is (from a outsider perspective that never actually interacted with the dsmp fandom at all besides seeing people telling their war stories in the qsmp fandom) identical to dream's fandom or even tommyinnt (by the way you talk about that fandom in your blogposts) but without the doxxing, even here on tumblr his fandom kinda harasses people for no reason, they are SUPER xenophobic and love to mass block any brazilian (tbh most of the qsmp fandom acts like these), he is a poor small bean and everybody is out here to get him, just like most dream stans act

4. He rp's as this very annoying character and since the rose tinted sunglasses broke to most of the fandom and nobody is gonna get draged for showing a negative opinnion of such a good boy and since his writting chops are kinda . . . Laking to say the least, people just want him to stop interacting with their main povs and fuck off (also just personal opinnion, he is like the only qsmp character that i care more about the "fanon" version then the canon)

Also he never, NEVER called out the xenophobia of his fanbase lol, it’s such a big problem that even english speaking fandom ADMITS IT (insane considering how they talk about brazilians lol)

So yeah, i don’t think he is the actual devil from the bible (i have waaaay more negative opinnions about aypierre) but i simplely can’t feel that much simpathy for him since he does not care about anything other then his friendship with dream and he keeps doing a """""queeebaiting"""" with forever since he knows people really like The shipp and he is trying to get brazilians to love him again (brazilians are very profitable as a fanbase and good to any creators ego)

Só yeah (sorry for the venting but i am not sorry for my bad grammar to numa vibe mais mikethelink)

It’s actually insane how little accountability his fandom will take and how they will refuse to acknowledge any shitty things either he or his fandom do.

#asks!#anon!#discourse

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