#and then theres the whole thing with getting on the wrong bus and walking home and im in so much pain rn. just. not a great start. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

python333 · 8 months

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need a ride? — python333

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synopsis ur walking home from school and theres a weirdo following you, luckily the 141 are there and they help u out!! :3

relationships platonic!taskforce 141 & gn!reader.

characters cap. price, soap (for like 2 seconds, so sorry soap enjoyers), ghost, gaz.

word count 2.4k

warnings a creepy old man following [reader], [reader] intended to be in high school, 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of y/n [your name].

note i have like 5 drafts and all of them are requests from people so im so sorry i havent been working on those!! i pinky prom once i get the motivation to write them--which probably sounds weird since i wrote this but trust me when i had to force myself to write this lmao--i will be posting them :3 i hope u all enjoy this fic, its all fluff and emotional hurt/comfort + protective-ish 141!!

You really wish you had listened to that first warning light.

For a whole two days, your car had been in an auto repair shop, because you decided to ignore four whole warnings signs that something was seriously wrong with your car. Suspension and alignment issues, they’d told you yesterday, The wheels need to be realigned, the damaged suspension components need to be replaced, and the whole thing would take a day or two.

Fast forward to now, it’s 3:30 in the afternoon and you’ve been walking from school to your house for about ten minutes. The sun is close to being fully set—one of the worst parts of winter—and there’s been a guy following you for about five minutes now.

He showed up once you’d exited the school premises and since then had been very determined to follow you home. You obviously did not want this to happen. But it didn’t matter if you walked faster, because he would only match your pace. If you tried to run, you assume, he’d just run after you, and seeing as he had far longer legs than you—you were pretty fucked if you decided to run.

You would try to call an Uber, but your phone had been dead since fifth period. And you would try and catch a bus or something, but there were no bus stops near where you live, and even if there were, you weren’t carrying any cash or any cards on you.

So, again, you’re pretty fucked.

You look back at the man again, and turn your head right back around to look ahead of yourself once you see him looking right back at you, closer than you remember him being. Is he walking faster? Do I have to walk faster?

You let out a shaky breath and keep walking, speeding up your walk just a bit and widening your strides, trying to think of what you should do. You didn’t want to just lead him to your house, that was just stupid. But you couldn’t just not go home—where else would you go?

You continue to walk, speeding up a bit when you start to hear the man behind you speed up, and you try to control your panicked breathing. What are you supposed to do? You mentally curse yourself out for not carrying any self defense on your person, and continue your walking.

Then suddenly, as if they were sent by God himself, you see four men come into view—one with a mohawk, one wearing some sort of skull mask-balaclava, one with sunglasses on even when the sun is almost set, and one with a boonie hat on—all walking together, all engaged in a casual conversation.

You wonder for a moment if you should try and get closer to them to see if the guy would leave you alone. You hear the guy behind you speed up as you think and you take a deep breath before walking significantly faster to get closer to the men ahead of you.

Am I really gonna trust a group that has a guy wearing a fucking skull mask in it? You hear the man behind you speed up as well and you speed up in retaliation, trying to think more about what to do, Do I just walk near them or do I straight up pretend I know them?

You think that the second option would be more likely to ward the weirdo following you away, but how would you even go about it? Do you just walk near them, or actually talk to them and join in on their conversation?

You look behind you again and see the man significantly closer to you.

Deciding to take the risk, you rush up to them, swallowing down your panic when you hear the man behind you’s footsteps speed up to try and match your own speed.

“Hey, guys!” All four of the guys turn around to look at you, their expressions all varying looks of confusion as you continue to talk, “Crazy seeing you guys here, it— it’s been so long.”

You try to get as close to them as possible while not touching them and end up standing right by who you assume is the oldest. You try to subtly gesture to the man who was just following you, and the man you’re standing next to seems even more confused for a moment.

“Uh, I don—” One of his friends cuts him off with a swat to the arm and when he turns his head to look at them in confusion, they nod over at the man whose just now catching up with you, and his mouth shapes into an ‘o’ before he looks back at you with a bit more understanding in his eyes.

“Right, yeah, it has been really long,” He corrects himself, the other two of his friends catching on and stepping closer to you, almost creating a shield around you. He looks you over for a moment, before asking, “You just get out of school?”

“Yeah, yeah, I did,” You nod, grateful that they caught on, hoping your gratitude is somewhat apparent, “About ten minutes ago.”

“Nobody picked you up this time?” The older man asks, tilting his head to the side a bit. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the man who’d been following you getting closer, but you force yourself to ignore him.

“Yeah, no, everyone was kind of busy, so I have to walk home,” You respond, shoving your hands into the pocket of your hoodie to hide their shakiness as the other man stopped to stare at you two’s conversation.

“Aw, well that sucks,” The other man frowns, before offering, “I was just heading back to my car, I could drive you back to your house? It’s on the way to the hotel we’re staying at, anyway.”

You hesitate, trying to see if the man who’d been following you was still there, and much to your disappointment, he was. It was like he was just waiting for you to make a decision.

Not knowing if you had any other choice, you nod affirmatively, “Yeah, sure. If that’s okay.”

The older man gives you a small smile and pats your shoulder, “Of course it’s okay. I don’t want you just walking out here by yourself.”

You almost sobbed in relief when you heard the creep that was following you scoff and finally walk back to wherever he came from after hearing that you accepted their offer of a ride. The older man takes his hand off of your shoulder and looks over, noticing the man has left as well, then looks back at you with a more concerned expression on his face.

“Sorry, I almost gave you away at the beginning there,” He sincerely apologizes.

“It’s fine, he probably didn’t even notice,” You put on a small smile and take a deep breath before adding on, “Thank you for that. I didn’t think he was ever gonna go away.”

“Yeah, no problem,” The older man smiles at you, and tacks on, “I was serious about the ride, by the way. If you’re comfortable with that, of course.”

You pause for a moment at that and think about if you trust them enough to have him drive you to your house and know your address and everything.

“It’s my car, by the way,” The guy with the sunglasses butts in, “I’m the one paying for it. No clue why he said it was his.”

“Because it was easier than saying it was yours,” The other guy sighs.

“Actually—” The one with a mohawk interrupts, before immediately being cut off by the other two with a simple ‘shut up’. He rolls his eyes, and does indeed shut up.

The one with a skull mask must notice your slight confusion, because he comments, “We’re renting a car for this week. Gaz is paying for it.”

“Don’t call me Gaz in public,” Gaz grumbles, “That’s weird. Just call me Kyle.”

“That sounds weirder,” The one with the skull mask argues, before the one with the almost-bucket hat sighs exasperatedly, the sound enough to make the two others shut up.

“Uh…” All their attention is back on you as you talk, making you resist the urge to shrink back in on yourself, “I mean, if you guys are totally okay with it, then I’d be… okay with getting a ride home.”

“Great!” Gaz smiles at you before dropping the smile and turning to the one with the skull mask, “You’re getting an Uber or something. I’m not driving you after that.”

“Wh—” The one in the skull mask, despite you only being able to see his eyes, looks baffled, “I didn’t do anything, fuckin’ kick out Soap or something!”

“Me? Why me?” The one with the mohawk—Soap, you assume—squawks, watching as Gaz actually thinks about it before nodding.

“Good point. Soap, call an Uber so…” Gaz pauses before turning to you, “What’s your name, love?”

You give him your name and he nods before turning back to Soap, “So that [y/n] can take your spot in the car.”

“I—” Soap begins to argue, before sighing and rolling his eyes, reaching into his back pocket for his phone, “Fine. Whatever. Fuck all of ye.”

“Sorrows, sorrows, prayers,” Gaz says dryly before turning back to you, “The car’s just another block up.”

“Got it,” You nod, “So I should just follow you guys then, or…?”

“Yeah,” Gaz confirms, “Stay a little closer in case that guy decides to come back, or if anyone else tries to follow you, alright, love?”

You nod again and take another step closer to the man with the skull mask and follow everyone else as they continue walking down to their car. They’re silent for the rest of the walk back, the man in the skull mask and the one with the almost-dad-going-fishing-hat keeping an eye out for any creeps while Gaz leads the way to the car.

Once you’ve all reached the car, Gaz unlocks it and the man in the skull mask and the one in the almost-bass-pro-shops-hat immediately get into the back seats, letting you have shotgun. You mentally thank them for it and wordlessly get into the passenger’s seat, happy that it’s not too dirty in the car, closing the car door once you’re in.

You buckle yourself in immediately and look right out the front window whilst Gaz gets in. This definitely won’t end up in me being kidnapped, You tell yourself, Totally not. This is the best idea I’ve ever had. Getting in a car with someone who goes by Gaz, someone who wears a mask from Spirit Halloween, and someone’s dad who somehow ended up here. Fucking perfect idea. I should do this more often.

Gaz gets in and buckles himself in, putting the car key into the ignition and twisting it, starting up the engine. You continue to stare out the window wordlessly as Gaz pulls out of the parking lot he’d been in and gets onto the road.

“Could you give me the directions to get to your place?” He asks you once he’s stopped at a red light right outside of the parking lot. Silently, you nod.

“Yeah, just, uh, keep going straight then take a left on Monroe,” You instruct him quietly. He nods and presses on the gas once the light turns green, continuing straight like you’d said.

“You alright?” The bearded man in the back pipes up, making you twist your head back to look at him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You assure him, half-lying, “Just a little tired and creeped out.”

“Reasonable,” He hums, before adding on, “I’m John, by the way, and this is Simon.”

Simon, the dude wearing the Spirit Halloween mask, perks up at the sound of his name, but otherwise doesn’t say anything.

“Good to know,” You respond, wondering if you should say anything else before awkwardly turning back in your seat to continue staring out the window, watching as Gaz takes a left.

“Take the next right, then just continue straight and then take a right on Balboa,” You tell him. He nods and takes the next right just as you told him to.

It’s probably safe to assume they aren’t kidnapping you, You think, your breathing finally back to normal now that you know you’re probably not in any danger.

“So what’s with the name ‘Gaz’?” You ask Gaz without thinking, tired of the silence in the car. Based on the way Gaz groans and John huffs out a laugh, you assume it’s somewhat of a long story.

“It’s kind of a long story?” Bingo. “But in short, I just don’t talk too much, and someone decided to make a big deal out of that.”

“I never made it a big deal!” John insists, all while Simon looks at him like he knows he’s lying, “It’s just a nickname!”

You listen in on their bickering, grateful to finally have some noise in the car, and huff out a small, amused laugh at their antics.

Soon enough, Gaz is turning right on Balboa, and he drives right into your neighborhood.

“It’s the house right up there,” You point to it, and he looks at the house you pointed at and speeds up a bit to reach it faster.

Once he’s at the house he thinks you pointed at, he asks, “This one, right?” and pulls into the driveway when you nod in confirmation.

He parks the car in your driveway and turns off the engine, immediately unlocking the car and turning to you.

“Well, I hope you have a good rest of your day,” He says politely, offering you a smile.

“Thank you, you too,” You smile back, feeling a little bad for being so eager to get out of the car. Then again, you really just want to get inside of your house where it’s safe, so you quickly unbuckle your seatbelt and open the car door.

You carefully get out and close it behind you, fishing your keys out from your back pocket, walking up to the front door of your house and unlocking it, only hearing Gaz’s car pulling out of your driveway after you’ve successfully opened your front door.

You yawn as you walk in, and close the door behind you, toeing off your shoes and leaving them by the front door.

You think, in the back of your head, about how weird it is that you didn’t get kidnapped despite that being the perfect opportunity for them to do so—but you don’t think about it too hard. You’re just grateful to have gotten home safe.

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im-yn-suckers · 5 months

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virgin mary?

delinquent niki x student reader

warnings-high school bullies, mention of inappropriate things (sex, lingerie, gangs,) underage drinking, and crying

you were a good student, good grades, good looks, and you were a virgin, surprise. you were known for not having any bodies, while the people bullied you, well, weren't virgins. you dressed much more modestly than the others, who wore tube tops and shorts that exposed their behind.

but why?

oh, the reason in simple. you were bullied for your body, nothing was wrong with it, it was beautiful, but Yuna and her gang gaslighted you into thinking you were ugly when you were freshmen. it went from wearing crop tops and short ish skirts to jeans and long sleeved tops that covered your entire body. up until senior year.

now niki was a trouble maker but only sometimes. in school, he was a straight A student and got in trouble often but not enough that he got suspended or expelled. one day, he got called to the principals office

'so, the janitors found this in your locker last night. Yunho said you and some others were drinking after school hours' he placed 4 beer bottles on his desk and sighed. 'you wont be suspended or expelled, but you have to clean between classes and tutor on saturday mornings at 8 am here at school.' he scoffed at the principal and left.

saturday morning comes and the bus picks him up, ten minutes later, you get on the bus. he watched in admiration as you picked up a book. he talks to you and you become friends.

over time, you trust him more and you know he wont pressure you to anything. one day at lunch, Yuna's friend, Yujin, talks to you/

'you know, youd be so much prettier if you bought makeup, but in he nicest way possible. youre just so cute and.... innocent. eat lunch with me!'

she grabbed your wrist, forcing you to follow. you get there and everyone stares at you, gasping and whispering. Haechan and Minji are making out, like always and they come up to you, staring.

you look at the paper in Yujins hand and tear fill your eyes. they edited a picture of you. they cut out the face of a lingerie model, wearing a hot pink set of lingerie, posing in a way that shows her cleavage and behind, replacing it with yours.

the picture said 'virgin mary? maybe not!' you backed up and ran, bumping into nikis chest as he pulls you into a hug.

'hey, hey, shh its okay im here' he reassures you its alright without even knowing whats happening. he walks to Yujin and snatches the paper.

'no wonder you guys have been so close these days, youve got little virgin mary give it up to you and send you nude photos.' Haechan scoffs and goes back to making out with his girlfriend.

niki punches him in the face and runs away with you, taking you to his car.

'hey, hey, look, its okay. theyre just a bunch of shitheads who are insecure'

you sobbed into his shoulder and he placed a kiss on your forehead.

'i love you, riki' you let out a sob almost immediately.

'i love you too'

a few moments of silence go by and he speaks up

'hey, theres stil three hours until we go home, wanna drive around?'

you nod slowly and get in the car. you drive around the neighborhood and get some lunch, due to not being able to eat because of the whole fiasco.

he confesses his true feelings, not daring to make eye contact. you reciprocate and kiss him, cleaning up your food. he drove you home and you flopped on you bed thinking, 'the worst and best day of my life'

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babysizedfics · 3 years

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Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

#swearing tw #little angst #long post #chaotic cousin remus #little/big concepts #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

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chesedelhim · 3 years

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Other things abt seattle now that I am leaving:

- I DID see the ocean :) I didnt go to a beach but walked a bit (came out of the wrong zoo exit) and saw it :) I am filled with joy

- I saw so many animals at the zoo holy shit. I almost cried when I saw the wolves (lifelong fav animal) and i got so many pics. I bought a wolf plushie for me and a cookbook for my wife and a hoodie to share

- once u get outta downtown it looks like. Eerily similar to my hometown, I really like it. Everything is uphill both ways.

- yall werent wrong fuckin Everything is under construction here

- was anyone gonna tell me abt the like bridge thingys that go over the road that have. Short smooth looking trains on them bc that was cool as FUCK. I've never seen one of those

- 5th ave theater looks REALLY neat! I kinda liked the vibe of 5th ave in general, idk what's going on but theres some neat buildings

- I still do not understand why the buildings need to be so tall

- I've decided nobody in this city aside from the bus drivers (thank you bus drivers) knows how to drive but that's ok bc nobody at home knows how to drive either

- the stadium thing is the most intimidating building I've seen in my life!

- after watching some of the caterpillar busses navigate some of yalls narrower streets I have a great deal of respect for them and their drivers. I would love to take one someday.

- so I was up here for to get my tumor business sorted out and the sheer amount of confidence my doc had when explaining the procedure and exactly what would b done makes me SO fuckin confident in gettin this shit sorted. He doesnt even have to take some of my real bones out! He was able to figure out exactly where it was coming from just from lookin at my cat scan for 30 seconds and explained my exact risks and ways that those risks like, happened and I was just like. Wow. Bc u do NOT get this quality of care back home

- the sort of vaguely Corinthian and. Abstract/implication of waves on some of the street posts has me goin HAM it's such a neat design. I really love a lot of the architecture, I'd love to like. Properly take a gander at it one of these days, I saw a lot of stuff that I didnt get pics of but was like absolutely in love with.

- I saw like a double tiered bridge thingy with no like. Support cage on top which I've never seen before, most of the bridges I know have that sort of thing and it was neat! Also scary! How the fuck do yall feel like yaint gonna fall off

- tunnels tunnels tunnels tunnels the lighting in these makes me feel like I'm in silent hill

- I've played navigator this whole trip so guess who can read maps now (I could kinda do it before but I can REALLY do it now)

- I'm still rivals w the cascades on principle but I gotta admit it really does look like home. If I have to live anywhere else (gd forbid) I'd do it somewhere up here.

- I love looking at all the graffiti. Most of the stuff you see in my town is gang related, but people get ARTSY up here! Middle school me is losing aer shit.

- the sheer amount of art around the city has me beyond inspired rn. I've had just the Most artblock lately but between the outline of the mountains (VERY distinct from my own) to the nature immediately outside the city to the. Importance placed on the environment (seeing such a huge city being like NO BE NICE TO THE ENVIRONMENT OR 🔪 is VERY good ) to the actual like. works of art all over the place has me just swimming with ideas and concepts.

- I didnt see a ton of like, the sights or the local scenes but I'm coming back up in a bit to do the actual surgery and I'm totally beggin to stay for extra time to see as much as I can. This made me wish I could drive so I could do trips up here more often.

- I still dont really like the. I cant phrase this right other than theres too much of it, it's just a lot to process and a like. Huuuuge difference compared to my very rural way of living normally but it's also like....kinda way more anonymous and theres so much to DO and that's SO so interesting. I'd love to take like a camper van up here and just explore for weeks on end. I feel like with repeat trips I could genuinely get used to it, and I saw and heard abt a lot of stuff I'd love to check out.

- I wanna say BIG THANK YOU to the people who told me things about the city! I've got a bucket list now!! The info was helpful and had me goin 👀👀 at a whole bunch of stuff that I Definitely wanna do at some point

- I'm absolutely gonna have more to add to this post later once I process everything and dont have a headache lmao

#fire.txt #for clarification #i cant drive due to i have shit eyes that dont work enough to let me. i would absolutely hop on that if i could.#this like. really is something else #im like. intimidated but awestruck and inspired and just #theres so MUCH #i can soundly say that like. i definitely enjoyed this and i definitely wanna explore more of the city #like theres stuff i dont like of course which like. happens everywhere so its not like the city's fault. and i can say that ive been #very very captivated by a lot of aspects of it now that ive like kinda gotten a handle on it a bit #i cant wait to come up next time tbh

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ts-unpopular-opinions · 4 years

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Side Track Opinions part 5: Roman

(I’ve been saving Roman for a while now and I am PUMPED! So here’s a late birthday present to our royal lad ❤️ It’s also super nice to save the creativitwins for last because both of their playlists reference each other quite a bit 👌)

1) A Gay Disney Prince: I mean... are any of us surprised? This song is basically Roman’s anthem, so it was bound to be on his playlist. I do find it interesting that both Roman and Remus are the only sides with songs made by Thomas on their playlists. I guess it goes to show that having a big ego runs in the creative family 😂

2) Wonderboy: Only two songs in and we already have a song about Remus, or “young Nastyman, archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy” in this case. You’ll start to get the idea from Roman’s playlist that he really misses being with his bro. This song portrays Roman as almost a perfect and untouchable force. He is seperated from all of his nasty thoughts and is the perfect embodiment of what Thomas sees creativity as (“High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds, There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly. Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.”). I like to imagine that the singer of the song is Thomas, looking to Roman for comfort. Creativity most likely split as a way for Thomas to, not very healthily, cope with his intrusive thoughts (“Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power? Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?”). It’s also interesting to note that at the end of the song, Roman and Remus seemingly join forces very successfully (“Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces; they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen”). Perhaps this is hinting at either Romans want to have his bother back, or possibly foreshadowing to their relationship dynamic in the future. I know I’d love to see Roman and Remus team up together in future episodes, maybe even against Patton and Janus in the next episode?

3) Disney Princess: This song is all about Roman dreaming about being in the lives of different disney princesses. Honestly it’s not super deep, but it does show just how much Roman loves to fantasize about escaping reality and living in his ideal dream world. He wishes his life were more interesting and exciting like what you would see in a movie. Also, Roman is SO desperate for someone to love him... poor guy (“I'd be a handsome man's wife And we'd kiss and we'd kiss And we'd kiss”).

4) Broadway, Here I Come!: (tw suicide) So this song is... interesting. It can be interpreted in two different ways: one being a song about how making it on broadway is a huge leap and very difficult, and another about a person literally jumping off of a building and commiting suicide. I always think of Logic vs Passion during this song because while Roman believes he is acchieving his dreams and is willing to take risks, Logan just believes he’s setting himself up for failure. I think Logan’s view on Thomas’ life and career choice is very hard on Roman and, by the topic of the song, affects him greatly (“The people all are pointing. I bet they'd never guess, That the saint that they're anointing Is frightened of the mess”). He doesn’t know if Thomas will succeed and that makes him doubt himself and causes his work to suffer (“The pressure it increases, The closer that I get” “And the last thing I hear. As the impact grows near, Is it a scream or a cheer?”).

5) Hallelujah: This song, like the one before it, shows a lot of Roman’s insecurities. Roman has a set plan for Thomas in life, but he constantly doubts it and himself due to the comments he gets from other sides (“Somedays I don't think my mama Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar” “Somedays I don't think my daddy Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar”). I don’t know specifically which sides he could be talking about in these two lines, but Logan is definately one of them. I like to think he could also be talking about Patton. I mean Roman probably worries constantly about being too much like Remus and disappointing Patton. Roman probably literally thinks that Patton doesnt think hes GOOD enough. Despite all of this self doubt, Roman still seems determined to reach his dreams and prove the others wrong (“But one day I will show him I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar” “Yeah, there's a crown covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it, whether you like it or not”).

6) Holding Out for a Hero: This song is from Thomas’ perspective! Thomas DOES see Roman as his hero despite what Janus’ not at the end of the most recent episode may have you believe. Roman acts as Thomas’ protection from all of his darker and more disturbing thoughts. Thomas uses Roman, a picture perfect image of creativity to help him escape from all the bad things in life and in his head (“Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need”). Thomas literally created Roman to be a perfect knight in shining armor. The singer in the song shows this by listing off everything that they believe a hero needs to be/have, Similar to what Thomas would have done in the creation of Roman.

7) If I Dare: I’m conflicted about what this song could mean. At first glance it seems to be about Roman willing to do anything in order to get more creative control over Thomas (“If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to. If I dare to want this, to want more than I have” “I am holding out for more than what I have now”). Roman really wants to be trusted more and would seemingly take huge risks in order to get that. The part that throws me off is this line: “When the room gets dark, and I am quiet. There's a voice that's soft, like someone's silhouette Saying, "Don't let me go yet"”. To me, this sounds like its about Remus. Possibly Remus begging Roman to not get rid of him and to remain as one. What confuses me is that the line felt so out of place with the rest of the songs meaning. I’m not sure what to do with that information, but if anyone has ideas, let me know.

8) Go the Distance: Roman is so patient... and so unrealistically hopeful... He continues to lay down and let the other sides get their ways because he believes that the wait will be worth it when he finally gets his say (“I'll be there someday, I can go the distance” “I know every mile would be worth my while” “And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through”). Despite how many times hes been ignored and let down, he continues to hope that his chance may come one day. Theres also this line: “But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart, oh” which makes me think big time of SvS. He gave up his glory in favor of what Patton wanted because he thinks that it was the more heroic thing to do.

9) Flamboyant: The title really says it all. Roman is extra™️ and he knows that all of the other sides think so too (“I'm a very flaming flammable guy. Some say my fire burns way too high. Some say they find me too hot to touch. But I, I think it's not enough”). I also think its important to note that this song feels a bit out if place with the canon Roman that we know. From what we’ve seen of Roman, he holds back a lot. He denies a great deal of his greed and wants in order to make the others happy and fill in his “hero” persona. This song portrays Roman as having no restraint and not wanting the others to boss him around (“Don't tell me what to do, Don't tell me what to say” “Turn down? I never do” “And no time for restraint”). I’d love to see more of this assertive side of Roman in canon, but right now you can tell that he is holding back. He wishes he didn’t have to, but he feels as though it is necessary to distance himself from Remus.

10) Jumpstarted: Let me set the scene. Thomas is just out an about enjoying his day, he holds open the starbucks door for the guy behind him and... omg... he’s hot... he’s the love of your life Thomas! Roman the proceeds to fanticize about marrying and starting a family with this one random guy that they’ve never talked to nor seen before (“The only one I want is you. I hear the bells and the ring and already, Four kids and the big ol' wedding Singing, You” “And how was I to make a long walk home. You got me feeling like I'm overdosed”). This whole song is just Roman singing about his head-over heals love for a guy in Thomas’ head while Thomas has to act normal and even warns the dude to run away while he has the chance (“Take my advice and run while you still can”). Roman’s quite a hopeless romantic.

11) Brave New Girl: Remember how I said Roman has been holding back and trying to be more polite in order to make himself less like Remus? Well this song is the opposite of that. This is what Roman wants. Roman wants to let lose and be his wildest self again (“She wants a good time” “She needs to really really find what she wants” “There's a brave new girl And she's comin' out tonight” “Who knew she could feel so alive” “Won't take a back seat”). I like to imagine this song taking place after the events of POF. I mean if the others are just going to accept that Janus is good now, then does that mean Remus is good too? If that the case, then what was the point of him and Remus splitting in the first place? This song makes me think that Roman and Remus could team up together in either the next episode, or future episodes to come. Roman is lost and doesn’t really know why he is who he is anymore, so he seeks out Remus, the only one who really understands what he’s going through (“So she met this man, He was kinda rough. He said, girl, what you lookin' for? She said, I don't know I go with the flow. He said, let's get on the floor”). The man in this song could also be Janus I suppose. He does compliment the singer and flatter her, but after the events of the last episode, I find it hard to believe that Roman would be willing to fall for Janus’ flattery again.

12) Every Boy: Roman wants to kiss every boy in the world... and it’s never enough. That is all.

13) Primadonna: What a bop! This song is honestly so good! Again with Roman’s songs making him out to be a lot greedier and wild than he actually has acted in canon (“You can count on me to misbehave”). This song is what I imagine Roman would act like if he had nothing to worry about other than being himself. Roman wants a lot of things and he wants everyone to adore him for the beautiful prince he is (“All I ever wanted was the world” “I can't help that I need it all” “When you give, I want more, more, more” “I wanna be adored” “I know I've got a big ego”).

14) King: You can already tell by the name what this song is about. I’m honestly shocked how obvious it is. At this point we don’t know who made the decision for creativity to split, but this song and a couple of others in the playlist seem to suggest that it was the Roman part of original creativity who decided to push Remus out. He felt as though it was the only way to successfully move forward (“I had to break myself to carry on”). The others sides (I’d like to imagine Patton) tried to convince Creativity to split and despite his not wanting to. His decision to split seemed like it was a very hard one to make and left a lot of pain in its wake (“They say it's easy to leave you behind. I don't want to try” “Is it worth the price?”). Original creativity felt powerful and strong when he was whole, so of course he didn’t want to split (“I was a king under your control”). The song seems to suggest that he tried to repress his ‘Remus’ thoughts in order to remain whole and not lose a part of himself, but this could only work for so long (“Don't wanna have to lose All that I've compromised to feel another high. I've got to keep it down tonight”). In the end, the Roman side of creativity finally won out and both Roman and Remus decided to let each other go (“I wanna feel like you've let me go, So let me go”).

15) Cheap Queen: This song really shows Roman’s struggle with his identity. He’s so quick to change for others in order to be accepted by them (“I can be good sometimes. I'm a cheap queen. I can be a what you like. And I can be bad sometimes. I'm a real queen. I can make grown men cry” “I'm gettin' too cocky since everyone wants me, It's harder to be myself”). This convices me that the way that he’s been acting in the last few episodes (not insulting anyone, very opposed to Janus) is soley him trying to prove that he is good and nothing like Remus. He’s been hiding his true self which we see a lot of in episodes before Remus was introduced. Roman doesn’t want to disappoint Patton in fear of Patton wanting him to split again.

16) Humility: ANOTHER song about Remus. This song is really interesting. It shows us that Roman is VERY confused about his opinion on Remus. He’s lonely and feels incomplete without Remus, He NEEDS Remus back (“I need you in the picture That's why I'm calling you” “I'm the lonely twin, the left hand” “I don't want this isolation” “See the state I'm in now?”). Right after Roman has these thoughts and feelings though, he instantly tries to block them out and retrain the idea that Remus is bad (“Reset myself and get back on track”). He wants Remus back so badly and feels some sort of remorse for kicking him out, but then he ignores those emotions and acts like he hates Remus another moment (“If I pick it up when I know that it's broken Do I put it back? Or do I head out onto the lonesome trail And let you down?”).

17) Aint Got it Like That: Roman is greedy and wants a lot of things, we’ve established this. Most of this song is about how Roman wants more than what he has now, but he still believes it will come if he just waits long enough (“'Cause I ain't really got it like that And one day Imma have it like that And I know that it can't stay this way And one day Imma finally get paid”).

18) Dreamer: I’m not sure whose perspective this song is from, but this feels like a comfort song to Roman. We know that he has a lot of insecurities and struggles to create things because he worries that his ideas won’t be good enough or will be too much like Remus’ ideas. But this song goes completely against that mindset. It’s what Roman wants to hear: “Dream little dreamer, Don't care what they say” “You can do anything” “Dream like you won't fail. Sing like no one's there. Dance like you don't care. Dream.” “Don't fear little dreamer, You'll get there one day” “And I know that it's scary, But you'll succeed” “You're exeptional, You're original” “You're magnificent, You're sensational”.

19) Paving the Runway: This feels like a song from Roman to Thomas and gosh it just feels so loving and sweet... Roman has such big dreams for Thomas and he has so much faith in him (“Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly”). He encourages Thomas to go for his dreams and excel, something that he is hardly told himself (“Go after your dreams, Crazy as they may seem. Go chase all the stars in the sky” “You will reach higher than I ever could”). Roman does everythig he can to set Thomas up for success and to help him reach his dreams (“Darling, stand on my shoulders” “Baby, I'll be paving the runway”).

20) Go.: Again, I’m not sure who the singer of this song is, but I can tell its exactly what Roman wants/needs to hear. Roman is very clearly holding back due to his fear of becoming too much like Remus and that is making it very hard to do his job (“The fear within Has held you hostage. Break free and live. GO.”). This is a good song to be Roman’s last song because I think it helps to show us where Roman’s character is going in the future. He is going to let lose and relax eventually. Perhaps this will lead to him creating the better relationship with Remus that he’s been hoping for throughout this whole playlist. I predict that next episode, well start to see some of this newer, less refrained creativity from Roman.

(And that’s that! If you can tell that theres some tension between Roman and Remus from this playlist, just you wait for Remus’! As usual, let me know what you thought of this ❤️ Love you guys!)

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sanders sides #ts roman #roman sanders #ts playlists #ts side tracks #side tracks #ts sidetracks #roman playlist #ts remus #remus sanders #creativitwins #long post

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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I was hit in the head with a brick today.

Its Monday, October 18th, 11:30. Jacob didnt show, he had a busy day, so I invited my bestie Elle over and she came at around 6pm and we hung out and baked brownies. It was fun, but our brownies didn't rise cos we neglected to add baking powder. I walked them to their bus stop in the dark... I was tbh worried they would die or soemthing... in the area I live recently theres been a murder and a few rapes of young kids happening when it got dark. But in the end I left them there and headed home, and they got home safe so it turned out good. I got monster for us at around 5pm but she didnt drink hers, so I have an extra for tommorow >:D they're the strawberry lemonade rehab kind, so they're 25cals each, which isnt bad at all. I had a lot of anxiety while I was waiting for Jacob to come over... I guess because I was uncertain about how the day was going to pan out. But it improved significantly after I confirmed Elle was coming over... proabably becos I knew for certain that SOMEONE was gonna hang out w me.

See? Even days that start off depressing, with you smoking alone in the cold, can end up happy. I think the therapy session at 4pm improved my mood quite a bit though... it felt like I was hit in the head with a brick... but in a positive sense of the phrase. I I soemthing important.

You see, for as long as I've felt pain about my past, I've had this self doubt. This feeling that I was making up my pain, that I was delusional, that I was insane, that nothing bad ever happened, that if it did, I should just get over it and let the past be the past.

The thing is, obviously stuff MUST'VE happened, if even today I cry to mention it. So my feelings were validated in a sense. I realized that how I feel is valid, and REAL, and it's okay to feel this way even if everyone else has moved on. Even if those events are in the past, they still hurt me, so it DOES matter!!!

It doesnt even matter who's fault it was. I can stop worrying about that. No matter who caused it, it's my responsiblity to do work to fix it. And really,,, my parents didnt do that on purpose.

So now I just need to let go of my emotional pain!!! And stop mourning!!! And I feel like I can do that, now that I KNOW how i feel is okay!!! Sorry for the excitement. I'm just optimistic. I'm happy and i could cry from happiness to have the life I have right now. I have such a happy life on a beautiful earth with lovely music and good kind friends who care about me and like... I have a therapist??? My parents got me a therapist??? It's like people are FINALLY listening to me,,, and I dont really feel as much need to cover up my obvious illness/issues.

It was very validating to me. The therapist asked questions, which I answered as honestly and clearly as I possible could... I even mentioned my past shoplifting and current nicotine addiction, because she said the stuff there stays there.

But the most validating part is... well, I've ALWAYS felt that the way I felt emotion was not... right. Too strong, too wild, too... inappropriate. This, added on to my anger issues as a child and later, my constant grief over my past... compared to others, I mean. I always felt SOMETHING was wrong with me. I could never really quite put a finger on it. But then the therapist,,, listened to what I had to say regarding that... and after the whole session, decided that she wanted to assess me for 1 thing (ofc she didnt tell me and I didnt ask, probably because i didnt want to go into the assessment with bias of any kind) but she wants to assess me for something, discuss the results of the test, and then send me to a PHYSICIAN, like a DOCTOR, like a DOCTOR like who usually deals with PHYSICAL illness??? The word she used was "pediatrician"... but I'm a teenager LOL, not a child (the prefix pedo,pedia, means "child", for example, a PEDOphile is a child-lover... so a pediatrician is a doctor who treats children... I get what she means, but I really dont see myself as a child anymore 😅)

Anwyays, she said she wanted to send me over to like a DOCTOR to discuss this... this feeling that something was wrong with me.

This means... THIS MEANS IM BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!!! finally, someone who doesnt dismiss my ABNORMAL emotions and grief as "teenage hormones" or something of the like. I just. I'm happy that finally, people are listening to me! And taking me seriously! And caring about what I have to say regarding my feelings! And I can talk a bit more freely about this shit :) it's nice. I mean, I obviously havent reached the level of 100 PERCENT HONESTY with my parents, but I can at least still say more than I used to...

It's all falling into place yknow? I'm happy I didnt kill myself. I'm happy I pushed through to get to this moment.

I'm listening to my old vocaloid faves, and I think that's also helping boost my mood.

this, combined with the fact that I didnt grossly overeat today, makes for a pretty good day!

My therapist also said

1. Write about my grief... a letter to my parents. What I wish they would've done. And then tear up the paper and throw it out, or burn it up. I said that I'd done that already, but i felt like I could never say everything I needed to say, or even AGREE on the FACTS of the shit I was saying! But like... now I can sorta agree on the facts, since I know how I feel is valid and not fake. It's real! And I know now that if I need, I can write it out more than once!!! If I forget something, I can just write it out in addition, separately. And even if it helps me feel a LITTLE bit better, its better than nothing.

It's so easy to hold onto negative feelings. It's very hard to view things positively, or with happiness... like, okay. Happiness is clear, potable water. Sadness is dirty, gross water. Even a little bit of dirty, gross water mixed in with the clear, potable water, will spoil it all.

When you have clear water, it's easier to make it dirty than it is to make dirty water clean.

It's easier to ruin a good mood than it is to lift a bad mood, basically. So when discussing SAD things, it's hard to frame them positively, and once you start crying from sadness, it's very hard to stop crying and feeling that sadness and that PHYSICAL pain in you.

A good thing I can do is think of things I like about myself (I am adaptable and can adapt to almost any given situation, I am stylish and dress cool, I am able to face my fears (social interaction, Allioli our gecko, birds, heights) and things I'm grateful for (I live in a safe place with no war and clean water and I have food in my house and I have clothes in my closet and I have a computer and a phone and two dogs and a best friend and a few good friends actually) see? It forces your mind to, instead of looking for more bad, look for some good. Idk tho. I'm trying. I'm trying everything, because this is mostly up to me. If I really wanted to, I could ignore the therapists advice and keep being sad... but that wouldnt help me heal. Healing is hard. Healing is as much (if not more) my responsibly than anyone else's.

If I want to get better, I have to at least TRY.

One more thing... one thing that I found most helpful, more than just listing positive things, was breathing in, holding it... and then when you breathe out, making a sound to let your frustration out. And after doing this quite a bit, it feels silly, like, it feels stupid, right? So you kinda start laughing.

The best remedy to sadness is laughter, and not that sick kind of laughter you get when you realize how absurdly sad and pathetic you are... I mean REAL laughter, when something is genuinely, not ironically or post ironically but GENUINELY funny.

Maybe that should inspire my next MTG card (for art class I am painting MTG cards).

Anwyays, after that, you just, wave your arms around, wave your head around, jump even, just AAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAA GO STUPID. let it out.

That reminded me of back when I used to have more energy more often, I would put on music and DANCE in the dark at night like a crazy person and put on musicals and shit. It is a good thing to get energy into you and get it out.

I sound. so fucking stupid right now. I'm sorry guys... I dont really feel normal right now. I'm happy for the first time in maybe a whole week, like really happy in a way that I know won't end until at least morning. And I'm not used to it. And it's making me act stupid and optimistic and dumb and like a little kid. I just feel good about this whole thing. The idea of talking to a DOCTOR, getting my dad to take me to a DOCTOR, is FUCKING SCARY but... it's a sign that I'm being taken seriously.

Soemtimes I say the wrong thing, or dont oxmmhnicate accurately. But overall it was chill, even though I couldnt really accurately communicate my level of suicidality, I'm pretty sure saying "soemtimes I want to do it but I never will and I know that feelings are temporary" is kinda the same as saying "I dont want to do it", right? Either way, I'm not about to risk having my parents told that I'm suicidal over some little communication like that. We get the IDEA. Lol.

I did sort of attempt suicide once, but I didnt go through all the way with it. I downed maybe 4-6 pills? I did take over the amount I should've, and I got a horrible stomachache (probably my liver since it was advil) but I didnt die, go to hospital, or get any sort of damage. So I think i stopped just in time to prevent real damage. I think if I had even take one more advil, I wouldve been in hospital, just because of the pain I was in. And I read online that the way you die from it is extremely painful, can take weeks, doesnt work half the time and leave you alive, but with permanent liver failure/damage and like... it just didnt seem like a good method, so I stopped.

I honestly cant even fucking believe I even considered suicide over an argument with my mom. Jesus.

See, I can't handle adults angry at me. Even in the slightest.

The mourning and grief is insane, dude.

.... maybe I WILL get that stupid doll.

No... my parents cant afford it. But if they could, maybe I'd get it. Because that stupid BOY doll is very much a partial embodiment of the things that made me upset as a child.

Shit, now I'm remembering my teacher was mad at me for wearing headphones in class and listening to music and said to take em off kinda sternly and i legit broke down crying. Wow. See? The GRIEF... I downplay it because it feels stupid to me. I was never beat or anything. So why be upset? But it's there, the pain is there. That pain is... this whole blog. "Jude" and "Jesse" and "Owen" and "Father" and all that shit.... the drawing of a child being eaten by Jesus... the deer in the forest, that's all that pain... me trying to deal with it.

I just dont get why it hurt me so bad if it was, realistically, such a small slight. I think that its some intersection of the reaosn I'm going to the doctors, and my parents shortcoming... which I DONT blame them for! I was their first child, and I came out fucked up. What were they suppsoed to do? they didnt know better.

Soemtimes it feels like it wasnt fair. Like, maybe I DESERVED parents and teachers who DID know better. I was just a child. It hurt me really badly. I ditched classes to cry in junior high.

But that's me being mean. Sure, every kid deserves the best they can get... but this is the best I could get. Simple. It's still good! I have lots of things I'm thankful for. Life cant be perfect. And I have to be thankful for my pain. It makes me a man. Ariel said that pain and discomfort makes you stronger, shapes you. Any kind of discomfort is good for the person to grow strong. I think this is especially applicable, as a boy becoming a man. You need pain, discomfort, anxiety... to become strong man. So in a sense, I am thankful for my pain, because really, what would I be without it? Another annoying blond hockey boy named Hayden or Brody or Reid... no thank you.

Man this is so cringe. I really just pulled the "not like other boys" card huh.

I'm just trying to cope, okay? It's a crazy amount of pain. I might go to the doctors!!! Soemthing is wrong. I think that's the best news I've heard all week. Soemone else believes me that somethings wrong. An adult!!!

It's really something else to be able to cry in front of adults without being guilt tripped or yelled at or getting in trouble of some sort.

I'm gonna cry for my past self now. All this talk of him, I cant help myself but cry. He was ripped apart. That child, he was destroyed.

....

I feel guilty saying that knowing that I read an article where this kid was SEVERELY abused... I saw the pictures of this kid... in the cold, shackled, beaten, starved, held in stress positions, verbally abused, made to do horrible things, splinters in his lips... I feel bad saying that I had it bad when there are kids who are actually beaten and shit. Man. I'm so cringe. Im so terrible I should kill myself. Im a fucking faggot. Jesus.

.... but I wouldnt say that to my friend.

............ idk. Idk anything.

Well... I FELT destroyed, let's just say that. I FELT defeated.

But I wasn't >:)

Idk where I'm going with this... peace out yall. I love yall, I'm bout to sleep and cry.

#Spotify #SoundCloud

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smutav · 4 years

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So i posted the pictures I had for my xray and comic in this post here and I said id wait a year but I’ve decided I need to lay this project to rest and move on to what comes next. Its under the cut because its mad king heavy

the old man part was fully scripted out so I’m going to throw the script in here first then it’ll be just notes for the general plotline

(M) Old Man = O1 / (J) Old Man = O2 / Xray = X / Vav = V

we come in on Xray and Vav coming onto the scene but we start lookin at the old men

O2: "Uh Oh, the calvaries here" O1: "issit the popo? tell them they cant make me go back... to that horrible home... fulla old people..." O2: "No.. its those spandex kids again" O1: "Oh, the blue one confused me... so blue jus like those dirty cops" O2: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE" [O2 throws something that lands nowhere near xray and vav] V : "Look you have to stop causing a ruckus!" O1: "ah ah ah prettyboy we got da bomb" O2: "Thats right if you get in our way it'll be a real stinker!" O1: "Uh Ohhhh"

X : "you have got to be kidding me" O1: "I'm too old for kidding, im old-ding over here" V : "What are you doing with a bomb!?" O2: "We've got demands!" O1: "Oh yeah lots of demands!" O2: "We want.... Pudding!" O1: "Oh yeah and none of that rice shit in there" O2: "get that rice out of our pudding no chunks!" O1: "itsa chokin hazard, I almost died when they had that at the home" O2: "thats why we left they was tryna kill us" O1: "But you only show up to stop two guys havin fun" O2: "Ya punks!" [Vav has snuck over to the obviously hidden 'stink bomb' and gags when he sees whats under the cover]

O2: "Ey!" [he smacks Vav with a cane] "gettaway from there" O1: "These two have no manners" O2: "they jus go touchin stuff that doesnt belong to them!" O1: "Well two can play at that game" [he moves towards Xray pointing at his glasses] "I want those" X : "How about I give you this instead" [he shoots a lazer at the old guy but it bounces off his walker] O1: "uh oh you shouldn't have done that" X : "oh yeah what if i do it again" [it really has the same result smart guy]

[Vav at the same time is dealing with.. a really slow old guy. and he dodges a punch an the old guy just keeps goin down and hits the ground] O2: "Ah! I'm hit thats it for me! [he tries to get up but just knocks himself over again] it's over for me I'm deadd. You killed me ya bastard" V : "I really didn--" O2: "this blood is on your handssss ohhh im goinnnn" [Vav backs off while the old man keeps slowly 'dying' to help out with Xray who's wrestling for his glasses from O1]

X : "Youre smudging up my glasses!" O1: "oh i'll do more than that" [he moves to take a lick at them] X : "no you dont!" [He punches the old man square in the jaw] O1: [catches himself on the walker] "you want a boxing match, i used ta have the belt ya know" [he lands a punch on xray who doesnt even flinch]

V : [Vav comes up from behind and pulls the old man away] O1: "No he's got me!" [he flails a bit but ineffectively to get out] "this is just like the 40s you cant stop all this" V : "We're sending you both back to the old folks home just stay there this time!" O1: "You'll never keep us caged! We'll always be ba-- Oh no is this a heart attack? Ma is that you in the light I'm-- I'm comin... comin to kick your dead ass" [and he's dead]

[Xray and Vav dump the old guys on an elderly bus they're used to dealing with these guys 'dying' and approach the stink bomb which is the stink jug but theres wires and stuff attached to supposedly detonate it] X: "Well I guess we'll have to deal with this" [he kicks the 'stink bomb' and Vav goes green] V: "I guess it'd be best to get it to Hilda she'll know how to get rid of it" X: "right lets go" [he starts walking leaving Vav to carry the barrel, poor vav]

I hope the notes after this make sense plot wise a lot of it was going to be explored deeper as we get drawing XDD ((also you get all my note writing jokes that i make to myself))

V = xray and vav / K = mad king / R = rimmy tim / M = mogar

(V) - I need,, some basic everyday hero biz to start the story with - tIME TO THROW THE OLD MEN IN THERE (K) - He decides to try out his powers a lil test run ((around Hilda's lab)) - Xray and Vav crash the party ofc - He gets by them EASY slow mo can't do much against teleporting - He didn't have much of a goal for it but, now he knows he has the upper hand on Xray and Vav - He leaves victorious (V) - He gets the business end of a run in with ender ryan - What was that?? he can teleport?? - Well we have to figure something out! (R) - Rimmy Tim runs into Mad King - Which is wild! thought he was dead! - but he does have some weird ass shit going on (K) - Wow running into Rimmy Tim isnt that neat? - He pays no mind to the Battle Buddy (R) - Rimmy Tim is crashing at Jake's place ((to be relevant)) - He also meets Xray and Vav but nobody knows what his full deal is ((and theyre distracted from having they ass kicked))

(V) - Vav is the plan guy - They get intel that he has a weird power source - it gave him the powers so if they can figure it out maybe they can take them away! - We'll need to be stealthy boys... - MOGAR! - ask mogar for help, he distract while they sneak in and nab the gem (M) - The plan involves Mogar fighting Mad King up front - Mogar runs into Rimmy Tim and is suspicious of him (K) - Ofc he knew Xray and Vav would make a plan - Mogar comes to fight him aw they just decided to send a fwiend - Mad King is busy beating Mogar and doesn't notice that they got the gem ((Uh Oh! Plothole!)) (M) - They dont see him at the meeting place (K) - He Notices when he decides to experiment with it and tries out a lesser power source - Resulting in Zombie Mogar

(V) - They HAVE to find Mogar - poking around the outside for a sign of him they find his sword in the dumpster - thats,,, not good - its really heavy but if vav straps it to his back he can handle it - they wind up splitting up for any sign of Mogar (K) - Well if you're going to be rude about it - [teleports in the streets] - Have it your way do what you want - [and he leaves Mogar there] - when he teleports back Rimmy Tim is there and he quips ab how convenient tping is (R) - MK has him get rid of the new power source obviously a failure (V) - It gets dark but vav hears a noise in the alley - He finds Mogar! But he's eating something - Mogar growls and starts running at him - *british screaming* - As he BOOKS IT around a corner Xray runs into him and Vav just grabs his arm - NO TIME TO EXPLAIN - so what the plans just fucking run - oh wait thats Jake's van - *climbs in* wEHAVE TO GO HIT THE GAS - bro its a red light - iTS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THERES NO TRAFFIC JUST - Mogar jumps on the vAAAAAAAA - Thats enough to convince Jake she slams on the gas - " you guys are paying for any tickets i get"

((for context, Jake is my oc she has an ask blog that I was planning to use to be like in between she and rimmy tim are hanging out and you might find out things from interacting w her. But for character knowledge she’s an appliance installer that works with The Monarchy’s Servants. Which that is the company that installs the stuff that comes out of Monarch Labs. there was also a whole bit where she and rimmy tim would be hanging out and he’d be joking like oh do you ever go in like “ah m’lord!! is this installation to your liking thank you m’lord!!” and she’d goof back if he ever had a house for her to install shit in she’d do it just for him.

and for how Jake and Rimmy tim met it was at 3am dennys a few years ago and they been buds ever since))

(R) - Jake's checking on her van later and Rimmy Tim comes out to give a hand - and he asks what happened and she's shaking a lil - she just leaves it as hero biz as usual she thinks (V) - bloody hell we have to help mogar! - yeah what did Mad King do to him! - they gotta bait and catch him (R) - Jake gets a call from xray and vav asking for help getting mogar to a lab - Rimmy Tim tags along and gets to see Mogar (M) - Xray and Vav catch mogar and have him leashed in the lab - But?? Is he dangerous?? Can he contaminate others??

(R) - This is wrong - RYAN is wrong - Rimmy Tim,, Has to do something - discussion doesnt work, Ryan's just a wall discussion wise - theres no talking him out of anything he's too absorbed (V) - Mogar has good moments - reference the rotten flesh test w vav (K) - Rimmy Tim is getting increasingly worried ab him - Rimmy Tim mentions Mogar - Well it wasn't on PURPOSE - but yeah i did that - No, I don't particularly know how to reverse it (R) - Rimmy Tim tries talking hey what if we just did this partner like - Nothing can beat the battle buddies then this can all be done right? - Mad King brushes him off and tells him to stay out of his business - Ryan gets caught in the rain - He claws Rimmy's face oh no! his money maker! - Rimmy Tim decides enough is enough and leaves to help Xray and Vav fix this,,, fix him,,, (V) - They hear Mad King in the rain - hhhhh i dont want to deal with more monsterrrrssss - Rimmy Tim joins the team! - he explains his history with Mad King - and how he's worried - wORRIED LOOK WHAT HE'S DONE TO MOGAR - He digs out the lesser power source that was used on Mogar - THIS made THAT *points at Mogar* (K) - Mad King is bandaged and goes to sleep off the pain and *emotions* (gross) of the evening - as he drifts off instead of dreaming he finds himself seeing through Jeremy's damaged eye - He just sees xray and vav but he cant hear a word - needless to say he feel betrayed

(Finale leadup)

- they need a plan to catch MK - Xray and Vav decide to drill RT ab possible weaknesses - he doesnt have much to contribute though they havent worked together in years and he didnt have all this magic junk going on. - and all RT's seen of the magic junk is teleporting - Well have you seen his hideout? can you explain like layout or whats going on there - oh fuck yeah i guess that is intel lemme sketch it out

- Hilda is playing around with whats the difference between the gem they stole from MK and the one that RT says changed Mogar - Mayhaps after some experimentation gone wrong she figures they cant use the thing against him but need a device that'll remove that specific energy - so you know a SUCKING machine - While she's working so closely with this she starts having enderhilda dreams but like when she's awake shes like yeah thats neat but you aint caught my interest you dumb gem

- Wait RT if you and MK used to be in cahoots do you have any powers that can beat him? - I got guns we were guns for hire you know battle buddies - wot MK doesnt use guns he plays mind games - well yeah NOW he does he uh-- didnt have it all together after our last mission

(flashback)

- Battle buddies are cleaning up after a mission - they're both pretty angry like we wound up being the bad guys AGAIN how does this keep happening - RT agrees he's not a fan of dirty cash - MK comes to the conclusion if i controlled these sheeple nobody would be calling my shots and makin me do the wrong thing - come on ryan ya cant control people thats wrong - whats a little more blood on my hands if it means making things better on the whole - and MK winds up leaving the battle buddies :C

(Finale)

- Hilda comes in like hey i got your guys's sucking machine go suck off mad king or whatever - and vavs like Alright! lets make a plan lads! - then we go to MK - he can see them coming, he's gotten practice watching through RT's eyes - he gets the machine from them as theyre barely through the door - "well I was curious what this would do but what does it matter anyways" - and he's got like some full ender shadow clones to help with the fight and they all pair off ((not like an army literally just enough to pair off MK dont need an army to beat these guys)) - the real MK personally faces off RT though :) - RT "why do i get the real ryan why couldnt you face off with like vav or something" - MK "im curious if you could shoot me 'buddy'" - RT "well I doubt i'll do something but i do owe you one ;)" and he do shoot him but yeah the bullets are stopped and do nothing - MK "I do hope you brought something else if youre turning against the MAD KING you have best be prepared" - RT "what can i say" [drops gun] "I stick to my guns" [throw punch]

- but yeah after the fighting and witty dialogue clears it looks like MK do have the upper hand - RT was left bleeding out ((stabbed through with pointy fingers oooo MK got his blood literally on his hands)) - While MK is monologuing RT sneaks into the bathroom which MK pauses mid monologue when he sees a flash of RT's bloody hand reaching for the showerhead - cant believe that fuck - and RT comes out and hoses him down ((yes it reaches that far LOOK its got a long hose)) - then MK's on the ground fucking sizzling - vav's like oh right! and jumps up to get the sucking machine and they use it on MK

(epilogue)

- Jake drops RT off where they got MK locked up and shes like "do what u gotta do man" and RT's like "thanks for understanding bud" - and he gets in MK shifts to look at him - RT starts to apologize for ruining his plan but gets interrupted as MK says "you were right" - which is a SHOCKING thing to hear from that guy - and mad king is like "thank you" - and we end on "anytime buddy."

so that was my plot I havent been kidding when I said it was a long comic plan. Its been heartbreaking to have this whole thing ripped from me but I can’t tell a story about friendship w a manipulator.

I’m not sure how long it’ll be until I actually get another thing started but I hope its soon because I was very excited to share a good long story with the xray and vav fandom and I thought this plot wouldve been like a good season worth of content

I had some draws tagged under “#its all connected” and they were all me working on this idea before I actually decided to write it out and try for a whole comic after being inspired by some close friends and the good at being bad animation collab

#xnv #xray and vav #tav script

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supernaturalmarauders · 4 years

Text

I’m sorry Jensen ackles x daughter reader

summary: You are jensens 15 year old daughter and your parents have been spending there time with your younger siblings. you start to become lonely and start thinking how everyone would be better off without you. Jensen and daniel get a call from your friend, raising her concern for you ,and they learn how bad your mentall health actually is.

Warnings: Possible self harm, suicidal thoughts, self hating language, attempted suicide, bullying, father jensen and mother daniel fluff.

Please if this is happening to you, or you feel like this tell someone. i know what it’s like to keep your feeling bottled up. please don’t do it. my messages are always open

xxxxxx

you were sitting on your bed staring at the phone screen. it didn’t matter how hard you tried you couldn’t tear your eyes away from it. the hurtful words made you feel something. Everyone assumed That being Y/N Ackles made your life great. and of course your dad and Daniel loved you, but they were far to busy these days for you to bother them with your problems.

Ever since you were a child it had always been you and your dad. your mum didn’t want you so when she gave birth to you, she gave you straight to your father and ran. you were always a quiet kid, never causing any problems. but that meant you learned to keep your problems to yourself. your father was far to busy with his acting to deal with your miner todler problems.

when daniel came along your father had finally found love again. being 12 years old at the time you understood that they both loved eachother. She treated you like her child, and loved you as much as a mother should. you loved daniel with all of your heart, and so did your father.

When j, Zeplin, and arrow came along you felt complete. you had always wanted younger siblings, and you finally had them. you loved them, you really did, but sometimes you wished your parents would have more time for you.

2 months ago your family moved houses and you had to start at a new school. your siblings were all to young to start school, whilst you were starting your 10th grade. being 15 was hard enough, but having to start at a whole knew school was nothing good. normally you would have no problem making friends. everyone knew the name Ackles. sometimes you wished you had actuall friends who didn’t just hang around with you for the exposure. sometimes you wished you were lucky enough to score real friends.

but this time you knew it wouldn’t be the same. you knew from day one that you were not welcome at that school. from the very start you were called horrible names, and contantly hurt, shoved, pushed, tripped, and more when you were just collecting your books. you couldn’t add on to your parents stress and you knew that your siblings were to young to understand, so you kept quiet.

sometimes you would video chat (Insert best friend name here). your best friend from your old school. she was your friend because she loved you as a person, not because of your name. but you knew better than anyone that she didn’t need your problems adding onto her stress.

xxxxxxx

“Y/N dinner” called daniel from the kitchen. you wiped you eyes and switched your phone screen off. you pulled on you’re jumper and pajama pants and went down stairs. when you arrived you saw your mother feeding arrow and your father feeding zep. Jay was sitting at the table eating her pasta and watching a barbie movie on her Ipad.

“Your dinners on the bench Y/N, help yourself” Siad your dad gesturing to the bowel of pasta left for you.

“Thanks” You said taking a small portion of pasta and sitting next to jay. once Daniel noticed the little amount of pasta on your plate she nudged your dad on the shoulder, causing him to look at your plate.

“Are you not going to eat anymore” Asked Daniel worry evident in her voice.

“Sorry mum, i’m not that hungry” you mumbled playing with your food.

“Are you not feeling well honey” asked you dad, taking his eyes of zep.

“I’m alright, just don’t have much of an appitite” you said shrugging off the matter.

Your parents looked at eachother, more worry evident on there features. truth be toold they had a reason to worry. since you moved you hadn’t been eating as much as you should be. you play basketball so you needed to maintain your body. however since moving you had dropped basketball completely. you spen’t most of your lunchbreaks in the library, where food isn’t allowed. you had lost 20 kilograms in the past 2 months, which wasn’t healthy considering you were already small for your age. Your parent’s had been noticing the weight loss, but didn’t really question it considering that they thought you were just stressed. however 2 months in and you were still showing signs.

“Y/N, can you braid my hair please” asked jay giving you puppy dog eyes. you sighed.

“Course jay” you said letting jay lead you up to her shared bedroom, leaving your bowl of food untouched.

xxxxxxxxx

“I’m worried about her” said your mum once you had left the room.

“Me two” said your dad, concern clearly evident in his voice

“You don’t think she’s anorexic do you” Asked your mum placing arrow down in the high chair.

“I don’t hink so, she would have lost more weight by now. besides she would be excercising like crazy, she doesn’t seem to leave her bed much now days” said your father placing zepline in the chair opposite arrow.

“Maybe she’s going through exams, that could be why she’s loosing all the weight” said your mum, trying to find a reason for your weight loss.

“The school wrang me yesterday”. said your dad just as he remembered.

“You’re only telling me this now, what did they say” asked your mother.

“Her lunch pass hasn’t been used in over a month. they also said that she dropped out of basketball and drama, they were worried about her” said your dad.

“Maybe we should give her some space untill she opens up” said your mum cleaning up the dishes.

“Yeah maybe”. said your dad. he knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

The following day at school you kept your head down and avioded the crowds of poeple walking the halls you quickly grabbed you’re books and headed to the bathroom. shutting the stool door you pulled up your jumper revealing the many cuts and burns running up your hip, you silently let a tear fall down you’re face knowing that you were so lost. you pulled back down you’re jumper and walked over to the mirror, your appearence looked tired. your hair looked dead and your eyes had purple bags under them, your face looked deathly pale and slim, far different from the girl you used to be. you washed your face picked up your bags and hastily exsited the bathroom.

after ariving to you’re first class you found your seat in the midle of the classroom and pulled out your laptop, you stopped when you saww it. the top of it was covered in notes full of hatefull words, drawn on in permanent marker, you opemed it to see more written on you’re screen.

you let the tears full freely down your face, you didn’t know why but you started reading them.

“GO DIE, YOUR PARENT’S WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU’

“I’M SURE YOURE SIBLINGS WOULD PREFER IT IF YOU JUST LEFT”

“ YOU DIRTY PIECE OF FILTH, NO ONE LIKES YOU, JUST GO BACK TO THE HELL HOLE YOU CAME FROM’

‘ YOU FILTHY SLUT, GO SPREAD YOUR GERMS SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOUR NOT WANTED HER SO DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND DIE”

You didn’t realise untill you finsihed that the whole class was laughing at you. because it was a study period you didn’t have an assigned teacher so there was no one to tell them to stop. you packed up your stuff and headed to the library where you would signed in and set in the corner. sitting down on a bean bag you curled up and started sobbing. pulling out your phone you looked through the photos. the one of zeplin, jay, and arrow, sitting curled into you while you read to them. the one of you your dad and daniel when you won your first basketball game. the one of you and (Best friend) when you both won the science fair. the one of you and your primary school teacher when you recieved your graduation certificate. you started crying even more, knowing that things would never be the same again.

You were about to turn off your phone when you saw a call from your dad you wiped the tears from your eyes and answered it.

“Hey dad” You said as cheery as you could

“Hey bug, how are you” he said

“Fine, is everything okay” you said knowing that your dad normally didn’t call you during school hours.

“Everythings fine. me and mum are going to have to stay on set late tonight. the kids are with uncle jared. is it okay if you catch the bus home today. theres dinner in the fridge and the remote on the counter” asked your dad

“Of course” you said trying not to cry.

“okay sweetie, we’ll be home as soon as we can. i love you” said your dad hanging up the phone

“I love you to” you wispered to no one in particular.

xxxxxxxx

The bus ride home was horrible. you constantly had paper and balls thrown at you, and insults left right and centre. you packed up your stuff and headed off the bus afew stoped before your house, so you could clear your head. on the way out your bus driver grabbed your arm.

“You okay kid” he asked kindly a sad smile on his lips. you put on your fake smile a replied an “i’m fine” before exsiting the bus. you took your time getting home as you knew it would be hours before anyone else arrived. you unlocked the door and thre you backpack onto the kitchen counter, not caring that your laptop was in the bottom of the bag. you slowly made your accent up the stairs and into your room.

your room was at the end of the hallway, you parents room was the next door down and your sisters’ room was next to them, across the halls was your brothers room. you sighed and pushed open your door revealing the room that was once full of life. the walls were painted grey and all of your exam papers were lying scattered acroos the floor. your clothes lied on a pile next to the bed and your art supplies was scattered across your desk, like it was a month ago.

your bathroom looked spotless and clean, much different to your bedroom. you walked back into your bedroom and pulled up your phone, you had a binch of text messages from about 50 unknown numbers. you felt your heart finally shatter. you had never given anyone your number, and now the harrasment would never stop. you threw your phone onto your bed and slid down the wall, letting the tears fall freely. you couldn’t do it anymore. you didn’t have the energy, you just didn’t want to. it had taken everything you had to make it this far, and you just didn’t have the fight anymore, you let the rest of your tears fall before pulling yourself off your floor and sitting on the bed. feeling your phone vibrate you picked it up to see a message with a table. by closer look you saw a petition. not just any petitiion, a petition about you. the “Get Y/N Ackles to dye petition” that already contained 280 signatures,

you stared at your phones screen, emotionless. it wasn’t untill you felt the phone vibrate again that you saw an incoming call from (Your best friend) you letit ring a bit hoping it would go away, before you lost your patience and slid the answer buttin across.

“Y/N hey, hey, answer me, are you okay” asked your best friend in a panicked tone.

‘i’m sorry” you wisper into the phone.

“What are you sorry for, Y/N, tell me that your okay”. begged your best friend.

“I’m sorry but i can’t do it anymore... i love you” you say letting more tears fall down your face.

“NO Y/N stay on the line, come on , i need you, your so much stronger than this” begged (Your best friend).

“Goodbye (best friend) i love you” you say hanging up the phone and pulling yourself into the bathroom.

slowly you walk yourself into the bathroom, and drag yourself infront of the mirror.

“I’m sorry mum, dad, jj,(best friend) zeplin, arrow, but this isn’t the right place for me” you say, grabbing medication and a razor from the cupboard. wiht as much energy as you could muster you shover 2 hanfulls of pllis down your throat. after feeling your eyes drop, you dig the razor into your skin cutting the vain open and letting the blood pour freely.

“I’m sorry, i’m sorry” you say before you drift off into the land of unconciousness.

xxxxxxx

your dad had just finished filming the final sceen when he felt his phone buzz, he pulled it out but didn’t recognize the number, knowing it was probably business he answered it anyway.

“Hello, jensen ackles speaking” he said through the phone

“Mr ackels it’s (Best friend)” your father heard (best friend) through the phone. only it sounded like she was crying.

“Hey (best friend) is everything okay” asked your father genuinly worried.

“Have you been on instagram lately” she asked.

“Not lately” he said.

“Can you please have look” said (Your best friend) crying

you dad kept the call running while he opened instagram, what he saw broke his heart. he saw tones and tones of hate messages comments and posts about you. but the one thing that got to him most was a petition, saying for you to kill youself.

“(best friend name) wheres charlotte” said your father starting to tear up. he hear (Your best friend) started sobbing.

“I was on the phone to her just before, i think she’s going to commit suicide mr ackles, she hung up on me and won’t answer her phone” cried (your best friend)

your father felt stupid. how did he not notice, he let the tears flow freely.

“(Best friend) thank you so much” wispered your dad before hanging up the phone. and serching for another number

“Hey jensen” said jared through the phone

“Jared i need you to call an ambulance for our adress, Y/N is home and i got a call from her friend. you’re colser to home than we are, i think she’s going to comit suicide” said your father through the phone crying.

“Okay, i’ll head over there noe, i’ll leave the kids with gen, just go to the hospital, i’ll go in the ambulance with her” said jared hanging up the phone.

your dad walked over to your mum with tears running downhis face

“j, whats wrong” asked your mum, worried,

“It’s Y/N”

XXXXX

Your head was heavy, your throat hurt more than anything, and your body felt like it had been dumped. you could hear the beeping of a mechine and imidiately knew you were in the hospital.

“Y/N” you heard someone say from your bed.

“Dad” you said opening your eyes and adjusting to the light.

“Hey bug”. said your dad removing the mas from around your face so you could talk properly. You tried to sit but your dad pushed you back down.

“Hey don’t move, you need to rest” said your dad pushing you back down and planting a kiss on your head

“You gave us a right good scare sweetie” said your mum grabbing your hand from the other side of the bed. recalling the previous events you started sobbing.

“I’m sorry” you said your body shaking from the sobs.

“No, no, don’t appologise, we should be the ones appologising”. said your dad brushing your hair away from your face.

“but you didn’t do anything” you said.

“We wern’t the parents you needed. we should have realised something was wrong. thats our job. if (best friend) hadn’t called your dad you wouldn’t be here” said your mum kissing your palm.

“I’m sorry for scaring you. i just didn’t want to fight anymore” you said leaning into your fathers embrace.

“ I understand that Y/N, but we need you. were always here to talk. we know that you didn’t talk to us because you thought with the others it was to much. but nothings ever to much. please don’t scare us. talk to us. we are always here” said your mum jumping on the other side of the bed.

“I know” you said keeping your head down.

“ were going to work through this together, you don’t have to be strong all the time, but you need to talk to us, deal” said your dad lifting your chin up.

“Deal” You said smiling.

“Good, we love you bug” said your mum planting a kiss on your head.

“I love you both two” you said. feeling happy for the first time in months.

#jensen ackles #father x daughter #suicide #supernatural #dean #sam and dean

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musubiki · 5 years

Note

Can we have more details about why Lime and Mochi hated each other for the first 5 years and what were they like to one another during that time period? ^u^

YEAH!!!!! (ill put it under the cut)

➞

- mochi and lime first met when they were like. 5-ish, on the day when mochi and her mama (tiramisu) were moving/finished moving into their shop across the street, and limes family brought them over some welcome-to-the-district gifts

- so of course tiramisu and limes grandparents are chatting it up, mochi is kind of hiding behind her mom and lime is standing there holding kiwis hand and theyre just kinda looking at each other

- and this first meeting is the most hilarious moment of their whole relationship, because lime, an idiot boy, sticks his tongue out and does a “bleh!” at mochi

- mochi, an equally stupid kid, starts crying ghibli tears, and deadass just FLIPS HIM OFF!!!!🖕🖕🖕🖕

- AND HER MOM PUSHES HER HAND DOWN LIKE “MOCHI THATS NOT NICE!! Oh my god im so sorry idont know where she learned that haha-” (mochi learned it from her. shes secretly proud of her baby), and limes grandfather just kind of “oh no no its fine, he was being mean to her”

- and so they say goodnight and go back to their shops, but from that point lime just kinda picked on mochi a lot. (im thinking he had a crush on her first but didnt understand feelings that young so he just picks on her a lot????/ and then just kinda buries and internalizes those feelings for the rest of his life so it gets brushed under the rug????)

- so he would pull her hair, push her, call her names, steal her food, all this weird shit. but then he would also like sneakily like peer out of his window at night to see if she was there in her room (and slam the curtains closed when she looked over and pretended like he wasnt looking) and like spy on her when she was in the shop (and run away when kiwi asks what hes looking at)

- and of course, mochi, being the badass in training, wouldnt take his shit half the time, and im pretty sure she like punched him in the face once?? or body slammed him or something??? and her mom is like “MOCHI OH MY GOD NO!! THATS NOT GOOD!!! [internally] (i love you so much that’s my girl)”

- and then when school starts they have to go to school together with kiwi because mochis mom has to run the shop, the whole way there these two idiot kids are either fighting or lime is picking on mochi again (tiramisu tells mochi its because he likes her and shes like idont care!! hes mean!!!)(she will care later)

- and from when lime was about ??? 5-7 he was friends with oscar, but when they were 7 oscar moved away to the big city with his family, and so limes only ‘friend’ left was mochi

- im pretty sure lime has put a frog in her backpack before

- and has probably thrown mud on her

- and every christmas they never get each other anything because “why should i, idont care!!”

- SO THEN. WHEN SCHOOL COMES AROUND, THEY BOTH GET COMPETITIVE, AND FOR THE NEXT LIKE 4 YEARS ALL THEY DO IS ANNOY EACH OTHER ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL, COMPETE IN SPORTS, COMPETE OVER GRADES, LIMES THROWING PAPER WADS AT THE BACK OF HER HEAD (he sits behind her) THEM BOTH GETTING SENT TO DETENTION, MAKING THEM SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER LMFAO

- but also theyre kind of getting to know each other, and the fighting dies down into a more kind of rivalry with some making fun of each other, but push comes to shove most of their time is actually spent with each other, between running neighboring shops, sharing classes and sports, the commerce back and forth from school (especially since kiwi starts going to high school and they have to walk home alone together)

- (and this is also during the time when mochi is spending her weekends with her grandma training)

- and im thinking when theyre like….11-12 ish maybe?? (theyre still in the rivalry thing) theres this part in one of their normal school days where mochi is ACTUALLY being bullied by some older boys. like knock the books out of her hand and steal her money kind of bullying

- and lime sees this and he’s yeah, no. so he goes over and tells them to back the FUCK off, and of course they don't, and lime gets PISSED because IM THE ONLY ONE WHO’S ALLOWED TO BULLY HER ALRIGHT which actually leads to an actual fistfight, and this is also hilarious because lime is her hero for like 2 seconds before she mcfuckin kicks one of the guys in the shin and/or balls and lime is all “???????!!!/!?!? you can fight???” and mochi, sweating, just kinda nervously looks away like “uuu.h.h.hhhhh….n……..no…”

- so after the fight theyre just awkwardly sitting in the principals office, lime has a black eye, theyre both all stressed out hoping the school doesn’t call their parents, but the principal is cool about it and tells them “you were just defending yourselves, just go home and dont get in anymore trouble okay”

- and on the way home theyre both pretty quiet, mochi is kind of flustered because that was..pretty cool of him to stick up for me like that and lime is stressed out like fuck oh no oh god because hes SUPPOSED to NOT like her so why should i care??? if she gets bullied??? I don't!! but he does and it nags at him

- mochi keeps glancing over at him waiting at the bus stop, and he notices, (his face is red too) so hes like “what? why do you keep looking at me for??” and she hesitantly asks “hows your eye?”

- lime, nervously, just kind of babbles out “pft- its fine. doesnt affect how handsome my face is so-” to which she kind of gives him a flat look, but laughs at it a bit anyway. he stares at her for a bit before laughing for a while too. she asks if it hurts, and he just kind goes “eh” and mentions it would feel a lot better if he had like an ice pack or something

- so mochi notices a small convince shop nearby, and tells him to wait there. she comes back with a little ice pack thing and like. a popsicle or something for him. he blushes and thanks her and they just kinda go back to sitting in silence at the bus stop, before mochi says a quiet “…thank you for- sticking up for me back there-” and gives him this sweet cute lil smile

- and he, an idiot, just like rubs the back of the neck, and has to physically stop himself from blurting out some “whatever” or “yeah it wont happen again” or some other shit like that, so after about 30 seconds of silence he just kind of mumbles out a “you're welcome”

- and from this point their relationship is a little different. like they both kinda go home and realize they were just jerks to each other for no real reason, especially lime who now thinks shes not so bad and he didn't even know how or why they got off on the wrong foot in the first place

- meanwhile mochi is at home struggling with feelings because “gosh that actually was really cool of him to stick up for me. he really actually is cool what the heck. oh no”

- and they start being less idiotic and mean to each other (besides the occasional joking) and actually spend more time together, and eventually they like bring each other food for lunch and talk to each other about their interests and stuff, and lime invites mochi to come todont watch his baseball games, and mochi supports him at all his sports events and stuff.

- and they don't really realize or say it yet but they're best friends already. they're closest to each other and spend like almost all their time together

- (and im VERY sure theres gonna be some HORRIBLY embarrassing incident for lime that will have no details, but throughout the story it will be mentioned a few times by lime, something like “Mochi will NEVER think I’m cool!! She’s already seen me with that whole thing with the monk seal, and the shampoo bottle, there is no coming back from that!!” and everyone is just kinda “?????? what??” but it never gets unpacked. all we know is that is was REALLY embarrassing and uncool)

- but she does. she thinks hes cool. she thinks he is SO cool. she lays awake at night thinking about him

- and during this whole time mochi is getting to know the actual lime, and shes slowly developing a huge crush on him, which she first excuses as “noo its just a summer crush thing ill get over it” but she never does

- basically they were really idiot kids but i like the growing up dynamic

#chelseadanger #ask #long post #i love them as kids #bpp #bullet point posts #the misc adventures of mochi and lime #limochi #text

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popatochisssp · 5 years

Note

So your recent chapter in snips and snails has had me thinking. How would other skellies react if their bro started falling for their SO? Would they all be up for polyamory or would some tell their bro to get over it, or they break up with SO as to push them toward their brother. This information is important for my daydreaming

Anonymous: Heyo! Are you doing hc’s right now? If so, what are your ideas for a polyamorous relationship with sans/so/papyrus? I know you mentioned it with FGTC, but how would the other boys do? Thank you and ilysm!!

Well, the short version of these questions seems to be– “Can I make it work if I want to smooch both brothers?”

And the answer to that question as far as I’m concerned is yes! Ultimately, all skeles would be down for this kind of relationship!

…But some of them are going to have an easier road than others.

Yes, it’s the ‘fells that are on the Struggle Bus, of course it is, those boys have issues.

Undertale:

They’re a great combo!

They already know each other so well and love/respect one another that looping you into their relationship as a romantic branch is the easiest thing in the world.

They both balance the other out really well, to the point that dating them both might even make for a more harmonious relationship than choosing just one: Papyrus won’t shy away from lecturing Sans when his laziness may be letting you down, and Sans knows how to gently point out when Papyrus might be unintentionally talking over you or pushing too hard at something.

There’s no jealousy between them and you’re all grown, mature adults more than capable of navigating a three-person relationship.

Underswap:

Another great choice!

Much like the classic Sans-Papyrus pair, the Sky-Paps match-up isn’t just functional, it’s hyper-functional.

Their brotherly relationship is strong and they’re great at meeting and handling situations as a team, and you’re no different. Most of your time with them will be spent as a trio rather than duos with an odd man out since that’s what they do anyway– you’re just along for the ride! When one-on-one time does come around, they’ll pass you off to the other without hesitation, no jealousy to be found and just a nuzzle on your cheek and an encouragement to have fun.

Even the usually clingy Sky doesn’t mind giving you and Paps space when you want it since there’s no one he trusts and loves more than his (big) little brother, and Paps might actually feel a little more driven to impress and woo you when he sees the lengths Sky regularly goes to. Maybe he can’t one-up his big brother’s efforts, but it reminds him that you’re special and deserving of the attention and he’ll show you so in his own, more understated way.

They balance each other out in so many ways that it won’t ever feel like you’re trying to juggle them to make things work. As long as you love them, they’ll love you right back and your relationship is practically self-sustaining!

Underfell:

You must not be shy of challenges, because you’ve gotten yourself into some rocky waters with this one.

They’ll both agree to this pretty quickly without much fuss– sharing a datemate with their brother, the only person who always had their back underground and would die for them, and vice versa? Of course, there’s no one they’d rather trust you with than their own brother!

They say that, and for the most part they do mean it, but… there are some very well-buried landmines here and you will find at least one of them in the course of this relationship.

For Jasper, it’s bitterness: here’s yet another thing in his life that he’s giving up for his brother’s sake. It’s not Pyre he resents but the situation and how exceedingly unfair the circumstances of his life have been so far. He lost his childhood to raising and protecting Pyre while he was young, and then he had to play his toady and listen to barked orders and snapped insults so Pyre could maintain a fearsome reputation and neither of them would get too severely messed with. And then now here’s this, a datemate he can’t even keep all to himself because you love his baby brother, too. It stings, but he’ll try to quash it down since he loves you and Pyre too deeply to ever want to cause problems for you.

Meanwhile Pyre is masking his own issues, namely jealous insecurity. He loves Jasper, too, and he deeply respects the sacrifices his big brother made for him Underground both in adolescence and adulthood, but…well, it’s not as if he had it easy! Jasper’s initially low HP meant that no matter how strong a fighter he was, there’d always be somebody who saw him as easy EXP, somebody trying to kill them both because they could– that was why he worked his way up to Captain of the Royal Guard and trained so hard to become an efficient, deadly soldier, so that he could be intimidating enough that most monsters wouldn’t even want to try attacking him or somebody under his command. That’s why he had to distance himself from everyone else, even the brother he was trying to protect, just in case someone tried to take advantage of a social connection. He was completely emotionally isolated for a long time, with a lot weighing on his shoulders: his duties, his brother’s safety, his own safety, and Jasper…

Jasper didn’t have to shoulder any of that once Pyre took responsibility.

Pyre knows, intellectually, that Jasper suffered at least as bad for a long time, but emotionally it hurt and made Pyre a little angry to see him socializing freely with the lowlifes at Grillby’s and sleeping openly at his illegal hot-dog stands. Jasper couldn’t have been totally carefree, no one could be underground, but he had the luxury of being very close to it thanks to Pyre’s status, which Pyre maintained at his own expense. And now, it feels like Jasper is taking advantage of him again, casually charming his way into your good graces and seducing you away from him.

He’s fairly certain he’s going to lose you, actually, since he knows that his older brother is the more personable of the two of them and he hates the waiting, he kinda wants to just end it himself and let Jasper have you…

But, same as Jasper, Pyre loves both of you dearly and he knows that abruptly breaking up with you would hurt you, and that Jasper would figure out why he did it and be even more hurt plus guilty over it, so he bites his tongue.

They’re both going to stew in silence over it and are fully committed to doing so for the rest of your natural lives– you’re going to have to mediate this if you want to have any hope of a healthy relationship.

It won’t be too hard to figure out what’s going on with them individually, they’re both very salty skeletons that can mostly keep quiet about the things bugging them, but there’s a lot of snide and bitter quips muttered under their breath that you’re usually close enough to hear and draw conclusions from. At that point, you need to sit down with them and force a discussion; play whatever hard-ball you must to get them to talk, this is too important to sweep under the rug just because it’s awkward and painful.

They’ll be stilted at first and need a lot of prodding to keep going, embarrassed that their datemate is playing counselor for them, but soon enough they’ll start talking on their own. Yelling on their own. Screaming at each other and breaking shit on their own.

They’ve been repressing a lot of emotions for a long time and now that they’re flowing it’s like a tsunami, one you should probably get out of the splash zone of while they get it all out.

You don’t have to worry about them actually hurting each other, there’s far too much love between them for that and once the anger and bitterness is out there in the open, they realize that, too. There’s gonna be tears and broken sobs and fierce hugging and that’s your cue to get back on in there and take care of your boys– they love each other, they love you, and you love them right back, it doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that.

Once the dust is settled, you’re theirs for life, no take-backs. You came into their home, showed them love and affection, and helped them get their brother back after years of tension and walking on eggshells: if you think they’re ever going to let you go now, you’re dead-wrong.

There’s going to be days when you almost regret emotionally reconciling them because when they’re not bickering over petty nonsense or competing with each other, they are the most terrifyingly efficient team you’ve ever seen. They’ll casually join forces against you whenever it suits them and you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell. They love and respect you of course, they’d never hurt or take advantage of you, but the combined force of Jasper’s rough charm and Pyre’s slick cunning means that you’re not often going to find yourself ‘winning’ in your relationship.

On the bright side, your romantic life is positively scorching between these two fiery personalities and the loving passion they have for you is more than enough of a balm on any wounds you might take to your pride. ;3

Swapfell:

Deceptively easy.

At first, they’re both very excited and on-board for this. As far as they’re concerned, there’s no one better in the world to share their datemate with than their own brother, someone trustworthy that they love unconditionally and don’t have to worry about losing you to, since they obviously wouldn’t try to steal you from each other.

And that’s true, because if there’s a problem it won’t be something they did, it’ll be what you did. Or maybe more accurately, what you didn’t do.

There’s really only one way to screw this up, but it’s a hard and fast death sentence for the relationship if you start neglecting Rus or playing favorites with Mal instead.

Rus is a needy guy, not too prone to jealousy but very prone to insecurity when the conditions are right, and Mal is one of the hardest (albeit unintentional) hitter of those buttons. His big brother, the one who’s taken care of him his whole life, protected him and sacrificed for him, Rus thinks Mal is a really cool guy. He’s not surprised at all that you want to date him, but he is surprised that you want to date Mal’s living disaster of a brother, too.

If you’re not careful and spend too much time with Mal or side with him all the time or do anything that could indicate you have a significant preference for one brother over the other, Rus is probably gonna jump to some conclusions and now it makes sense to him why you’re not just dating his brother– it’s ‘cause it’s a pity thing…isn’t it?

Mal is the one you really want but you or Mal or maybe both of you noticed his pathetic interest in you and decided to toss him a bone. To make him feel better. Yaaaay.

His aversion to conflict means that he’s definitely never going to say anything to either of you, ever, but his 'realization’ (whether it’s true or not, almost certainly not) is painful and he won’t be able to help sulking and shying away from your affection for awhile.

That, for Mal, is as good as an actual, physical red flag. He’s sharp and knows his brother well enough to piece together everything that’s happened in Rus’ self-deprecating skull and as far as he’s concerned, there’s only one course of action from here: he’s gonna try to wriggle himself out of the relationship entirely and push you towards Rus.

Mal loves his baby brother fiercely and since he already blames his failings as a pseudo-parent for the anxiety and insecurity he struggles with, the absolute last thing he wants to do is hurt him by taking his datemate away. It’s a no-brainer to remove himself from the situation if he’s distracting you from Rus, but once it’s progressed to this point, there’s no positive outcome for anyone.

Rus is now convinced he’s the pity-boyfriend and feels awful that you don’t get to be with Mal anymore because he couldn’t hide his dumb feelings better. Mal is upset that he can’t be with you, and a little upset with you for not loving his little brother enough to begin with and making this choice necessary. And of course, you’re gonna be hurting, too, because one of your boyfriends thinks he’s your consolation prize and the other isn’t even your boyfriend anymore.

But of course, that’s the Worst Case Scenario.

To make this work, you just need to be fair about sharing your time and affection, which in healthy polyamory, you should probably already be doing! But if for some reason, you can’t do that, skew slightly in Rus’ favor. Mal can be jealous and selfish but he’s more than willing to make room for his brother’s happiness, and he knows that he’s welcome to edge into yours and Rus’ time together if he really wants– Rus has no problems sharing, he just gets a little upset if he thinks he’s the second choice.

If you put in the time and effort to assure Rus that you’re dating him because you care about him, this actually becomes one of the easiest bro-combos possible. Mal and Rus have a less contentious relationship than the other ‘fell brothers and with less buried anger and bitterness between them their bond is already strong and relatively healthy when you enter the mix.

Your integration is like finding the perfect centerpiece to tie an already-stylish room together. Mal plans all the dates and budgets your time between them in the most efficient way possible, while Rus makes sure you and him still get some time to relax and screw around at home. They work very well together as brothers and as your co-boyfriends with about equal importance placed on each role, so you’ll feel nothing but cherished and wanted between the two of them. Make sure to return the favor!

Horrortale:

Yes, a fantastic idea!

They’re both delighted that you asked and agree to share you pretty much immediately, without even a little fuss.

Slate and Papy are arguably the most codependent of the brothers (understandably, considering their shared trauma of the famine) and they’re also probably the most emotionally open with one another as a result, so if a poly relationship seems like it’s becoming a possibility with you, they’re going to get everything talked out and openly agreed upon for a very smooth transition.

It’s actually…kind of an ideal situation for both of them, in a way? Their issues and insecurities are…well, there’s a good deal of them and they’re both a tad concerned that the weight of it might be too much for you alone. They don’t want to overwhelm you or put too much pressure on you just because they’re a little… ‘broken’ is the wrong word for it, but they’re far from undamaged, either!

But with the other brother in the mix, the same one who’s always been there to support his sibling even before you came along, so much of that pressure is taken off.

Slate doesn’t worry that you’re going to suffer from his dissociation and memory problems because he knows Papy is there with his sharp mind and attention to detail to pick up the slack. Likewise, Papy doesn’t worry quite so much on his bad days that you’re secretly unhappy or would be better off without him because Slate is around, who even with a hole in his skull is naturally charming and very skilled at reading people– if you had any complaints, Slate would know and pass them along so they could make you as content as possible!

The end result is that they both relax and don’t psych themselves out quite as much as they might without their brother, and you get to see them as close to their old, pre-horror selves as they can get. Papy is a little more confident and Slate jokes around more and they both treat you like you make the sun rise every morning because you’re the one that loves them both enough to let this relationship be a thing they can have and that’s so cool.

There’s not a drop of jealousy over you from either of them, especially when they can see first-hand that you’re making their brother as happy as you make them, so this is a pretty harmonious and loving match-up, with a lot of potential for success!

#undertale #headcanons #sans #papyrus #sans/reader #papyrus/reader #underswap #us!sans #us!papyrus #underfell #uf!sans #uf!papyrus #swapfell/fellswap #sf!sans #sf!papyrus #horrortale #ht!sans #ht!papyrus

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everyman0 · 5 years

Text

WALLS TO BREAK US

so i know i dropped all communication for the past several months...and evans fucking journal might have you believe i sat on my ass the entire time but that isnt the case. I didnt intend on sharing this information, frankly. but my time is running out now, evans already gone. this account of events will be all i have left.

i cant leave this place. i dont even know where the fuck i am supposed to be to begin with.

there is a house. a neighborhood. stores. a town. but nothing has a name.

there are people, but despite the gift of sight i was given, i see nothing of them. like empty thoughts given a shell to walk around in.

i thought at first, a couple months ago when i was first allowed to walk outside again, that they were real and that i was simply too overwhelmed with shock to really notice what was wrong here. but now i see it. i see it because there is nothing to see. these people aren't people at all, more like ghosts.

at least im not entirely alone. there's still the house and asterion.

ive walked to the store many times, even got assaulted in the parking lot. Was that guy a ghost too? I dont know. but i havent only gone to the store - ive walked around the entire town. know what i finally realized, several days after i had made that exploratory journey?

there are no cars here. none being sold, none being driven, absolutely fucking nothing. no bikes either. no skates, no skateboards, no heelies wheelies or fucking feelies. not a single mode of transportation of any kind.

theres a bus stop though! thank fuck for that! oh wait, it's fucking useless. i have not once seen a bus in this god forsaken place.

imagine the anguish i felt upon realizing that despite being able to steal groceries just fine, i cant even hope to steal a car to drive as far away as i can from this hellhole. but it doesnt stop there.

of course it doesnt.

so alright, no cars. but i still had my legs, right? (and still do, somehow.)

so i figured if i cant drive away, i could at least saunter the fuck out of this place and maybe determine some sense of location on planet fucking earth. i set out. i walked in one direction from the house to the town and onward. and onward. and onward. for five fucking hours.

i found nothing.

but it wasnt your average nothingness like that of a long rural road, as it had originally appeared to me. no...instead, i eventually encountered what i call the Edge. here, the road stutters into an impossible blackness. here, if you turn your head, you can see how the blackness runs parallel to the world around you, bordering everything for miles. real truman show type shit.

the real kicker is when i discovered that only i can see it.

like any good scientist, i did some experimenting. kicked some cans, threw some rocks, all hurtling in the direction of the black wall. to my surprise, the items phased through it. swallowed might be a better word. i couldnt see or hear if the objects landed on the other side, if there was even a side to land on beyond the boundaries of ink. so then i decided i needed an extra set of eyes, and brought evan along a few days later.

this is the first and last time i let him outside in my care, and for good reason.

we arrived at the Edge, and evan was immediately annoyed at me as i had stopped walking just a few feet before the black wall. i asked him to explain what the problem was. he was like, "dude, you told me there was some shit i had to see and we have been walking forever. where the fuck is it? is this it? because it looks like a whole lot of fucking nothing."

i then asked, "what does this nothing look like to you?"

evan was growing more confused and angry, but i didnt want him to know what i did until i knew what he did first. i didnt want to contaminate his perception by revealing my own. i needed to be thorough and absolutely sure of our experience.

he threw his arms in the air in frustration, "a road, vin. it looks like a road, the same fuckin' cracked asphalt we've been following for miles. forwards and backwards, road."

evan took a step forward, into the blackness. i saw the tip of his foot disappear, sliced by the unfathomable wall. evan didnt seem to notice anything different, standing there with his arms crossed. so then i knew at least one thing for certain: only i could see the wall.

however, until seeing evan's foot just barely phasing through the wall, it hadnt occurred to me if i could pass through it too...or at least touch it. before, when i had been throwing cans and such, i didnt dare get too close to the black edge. i had no idea what would happen, and wasnt particularly interested in finding out at the time. all i could gather was that, just like the rest of the town and even the house herself, it was designed to keep things inside.

as it turns out, evan was not one of those things intended to stay. i stood there pondering silently, and watched as evan began an impatient pacing along the length of the wall. an imperfect, wobbly hobble across the street and back; i saw arms and legs flash in and out of the blackness as evan walked, still taking no notice. evan couldnt see the difference like i could, and he wasnt the prisoner these walls were meant to encase. so who was?

well obviously it's me. at least, i'm somehow a part of the equation i think. and then i figured now was no better a time as any for me to make my approach and reach out - touch the wall, see what happens, inwardly hope it just kills me on the spot, and so on.

but right as i had decided this, i hear evan angrily spitting an expletive and turn, marching off beyond the pitch black walls. guess he was tired of waiting on me, and you know ev - always runs in head first. i word this story now as if this is something i remember fondly about evan, but let me be clear: in that moment of time, standing in the middle of some fucking road behind a maliciously black prison wall, a wall of which evan was now beyond and impossible for me to see any longer? leaving me, alone?

i fucking hate how much of a hardheaded ass evan is sometimes.

i was so caught off guard by evan's sudden disappearance beyond the veil of the Edge that what that meant didn't register until several seconds later when i found myself clamoring towards the wall. i yelled for evan, then screamed for him. my hands meet the black surface with a loud plang as if the wall was made of glass, but the way the wall felt against my skin is indescribable. i wailed my fists against the presumed surface, the noise of the impacts reverberating loudly. this lasted a few minutes.

evan eventually came back...and he seemed just as he were before, except maybe even more annoyed as he began to once again pester me on why i was just standing there wasting time. he got his first round of bitching out before he noticed that i had tears running down my face, looking disheveled.

he changed his tune and asked me what was wrong, what the fuck happened. his confusion was telling - he hadnt heard me screaming for him to come back. i wiped my eyes, faked a chuckle, and told him it was nothing to worry about and that maybe it was best to go home for now and try some other time when im more 'in the present.'

i decided that i wasnt going to tell evan about the Edge, at least not right then. i needed time to gather myself back together, since the resulting panic attack had taken a lot out of me for one day. But even after i had taken that time...

i didnt want evan to know about the wall. fuck, i know its selfish, but i didnt want evan to know that he had the ability to leave this wretched fuckhole but i didnt, that i was trapped and he wasnt. its not because i wanted to spare evan the heartbreak of knowing his friend was doomed...but because i didnt want evan to get the idea that he could abandon me without consequence.

i didnt want evan to use this knowledge as an escape plan to get away from me.

not wanting evan to leave me wasnt the only reason i didnt tell him though. there was still so much i was uncertain about; hell, i still wasnt sure if just being outside the house put evan at risk. i took a chance in taking him to the wall and he lasted well enough during that time...but given what was discovered, even if evan could sit out on the lawn every day and not a thing touch him...the very existence of the wall was a dangerous game of chance.

this is why i did not want evan to go back outside again after this incident. i couldnt trust that he would truly be safe...and i couldnt trust that he wouldn't just run away on me. i completely fucked myself in both ways, though. he's out there getting hurt or dying or already dead because i pushed him far enough to truly fucking hate me.

even now, ive no idea what happened to evan after he ran out of the house. Maybe he never made it past the wall again.

maybe this post is the first time he’s hearing about it.*

*IT IS, YOU SMART BOY. I COULDN’T JUST KILL HIM BEFORE YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF AS A HIDEOUS EXCUSE OF A FRIEND. THE PAIN WILL ADD FLAVOR! MAYBE I’LL GIVE YOU A TASTE.

#evrymn0 #phase???

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96xie · 4 years

Text

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

#phew #old mutuals im on twtr! keep in contact with me there!

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musgo · 5 years

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5 6 19

thank you so much for sending sdcjnskjdn i uhhhh recorded all of these basically immediately after you sent them but then i listened back and felt like i suonded so annoying and went on too long and my pronunciation wasnt very clear so i postponed posting them sdjnvdjs i decided to transcribe what i said (under read more) cause that makes me feel better abt it.

5. I’ll talk about what I did today

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0z7uDDcKzjQ

6. I’ll talk about something I’m obsessed with/currently interested in

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0iLq52dlB1y (the very good video i talk about: https://youtu.be/-6lMD9h_ix4)

19. I’ll talk about something I’m proud of

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0lPPvmwbvbI this ones the most ebarassing cause i decided to have fun and try switching to my alternative, vaguely british-inspired “accent”,,,, also the cohesion ... she just wasnt there.

5. today i went to college. i was really late and i missed the first class. i only attended one class today, cause i only have two classes per day rn - thats definitely gonna change next semester but anyway - the class was really good, the subject is Introduction to Literary Studies (i took a while cause i had to translate it from portuguese) but um yeah the class was about why humans create fiction. why humans.. you know.. how humans...... Human Nature is such that we are unsatisfied with reality and we create other lives and other experiences through fiction. and it’s not necessarily that we don’t like our reality, it could just be that it’s not enough; like, you could rly like your reality but you still have an innate, like.. NEED for experiencing Other Things that you couldnt in your own life. thats basically what the argument was, it was really interesting. and i rly like the teacher, she’s rly cool. so after that class i just had some lunch DELICIOUS the food in my college is so good ugh i love it so much and it’s just 2 reais for for lunch when you’re a student there and it’s so good i’m.. ugh it’s the best part of college cause its rly rly rly cheap for us students and it’s really good like It didnt even have to be that good cause it’s so cheap but it’s REALLY GOOD hh um... yeah i love it AND THEN after having lunch i went to the library which is a luh--another thing i rly like about my college cause it’s the biggest library in my university. so.. i study in the universtiy of são paulo which is one of the biggest universities in brasil .... so.. the campus is like rly huge and .. [i realized i was just explaining what a university is fsr?????? ] uhhhh yeah i went to my library. [????? MY LIBRARY??? i dont own a library.] and i love my library theres like. i love to just walk around and see. The Books cause theres like.. so such interesting books. and like books in so many languages... ugh it’s amazing so i went there to actually find some english learning books and i did , cause im trying to teach my sister english andt.. yeah i found this session-- Section. where theres all these language learning books so theres like a couple shelves that are like just english learning books and then theres a shelf thats just like japanese learning and then a couple shelves for russian thens ome korean some frickin SANSKRIT latin ancient greek just everything . theeres also like indigenous south american languages which i was really happy to see and im definitely gonna check that out eventually but for today i just took the english ones cause .. yeah i cant really i dont really that much time and everyone for all that right now with college .. AND THEN the rest of my day was that i left my phone!! cause i went to take the bus and i left my pjhone on the bus stop. i feel like my entonation is really annoying right now but yeah.. so yeah i left my phone on the bus stop and i was so scared. i went back to the bus stop got off the bus [wrong order] and it wasnt there , i went in the building - my college has 3 buildings for the different courses - i went in one of them cause i assumed it would be there because it was the closest to the bus stop so if somebody found my phone on the bus stop they wouldve taken it there and left it there with the recepcionist or whatever so i went there and it wasnt there so iwas like “oh no its not here . maybe i left it in the bus instead of the bus stop and i just didnt notcie that it like fell from my pocket or sth.” so i took the bus again and went to the terminal which is where it would be if somebody found it in the bus and gave it to someone responsible for that stuff. but it obviously wasnt there. so i went home, very sad, This whole thing lasted like 2 hours and then its like over an hour for me to come home from college cause yk i live in a neighbouring city which is pretty close but its still an hour to an hour and a half everyday to go and ..... to go to and fro. is that how you say that expression idk . ... and then when i got home!!!! i wnt in the facebook group of my college [course] to see if somebofy had posted something about a lost phone and Yes They Had they posted a photo of my phone and i was like oh thank god so im gonna get it back tomorrow. now im home im looking at my cat. occasionally looking after my nephews and my niece. and thats my day

6. i was sitting here thinking.. trying to think of something and i remembered that--.............. Cause its rly hard for me to answer these questions where itsj ust one thing and i just.................. i just draw a blank whenever i get these questions but im just gonna say something that happened recently cause it was like : yesterday i found this video on youtube of a an .. anemone? Swimming like this starfish touches it and it like Changes Form it Elongates and just starts shaking to like get away. and its amazing it reminded me of how much i like Cnidarians(????) the phylum . the group of animals that includes jellyfish and corals, basically. its just so cool like they alternate like one of the.... oh my gosh my house is so loud uhh... yeah they like its really crazy i dont actually know a lot about it but i just think its so cool like the corals .. they.. reproduce.. and like.. their offspring sometimes is A Jellyfish . and then the Jellyfish sometimes produce Corals. cause you look at the two things and they dont rly look that similar but they Are basically one and the same, and theyre Animals both of them just the same. theyre just like inverted when you think about. its really cool and i didnt know that corals could MOVE like that just Get Out like... DeTach . from their thing and just start Swimming!! i had no idea that was a thing but yeah basically something that im obsessed with is um animals like that. the animals that arent chordates. so like sponges, cnidarians, frickin ummmm echinoderms. You Can look at My Tags Page i have that stuff listed. i love it cause its so fun when you think about how theyre animals so theyre like closer to us structurally and cellularly than to other things.

19. you know. when people are mad at me for doing something not as fast as one possibly could or somethin like not understanding what they said or doing something a little bit wrong like following instructions a little wrong and you know when its not rly that important and people get mad and me for that and stuff.. i just.. i feel really happy that i'm not like that. cause i feel like most people around me.. they ARE like that like they just get so mad.. they allow themselves to get so mad about small things.. and i dont know i like that im pretty patient and i dont mind having to wait or to instruct someone a few times and correct them until they get it right and teach them and... all that. i dont know like i feel like.. idk im proud of myself for not like picking fights and getting mad at people for things that dont rly matter cause.. idk people around me do that a lot it makes me rly sad like... idk thats something i like abt myself i think i can like I'll feel angry sometimes and dont get me wrong anger is very necessary and its a very good thing when it is like... whats that word? its like... freakin.. deserved [i think the word i was looking for is "warranted"] like be angry at freakin capitalism or sth freakin racism you know set people on fire for that kinda stuff. but for small things on daily life i think people let it get to them too easily. and just create.. idk. it makes me sad so im happy that i dont have a lot of these impulses in these situations and when i do feel peeved from something petty im able to hold back cause im like.. its not worth it its just... this is so small. i'm.... you know? its not worht it.

#tenderskys

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pbandjesse · 5 years

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90% of today was very good. But on my way home someone called me an idiot for biking the "wrong way" in the bike lane. When it was a 2 way bike lane and I was exactly where I was supposed to be. So that made me feel bad. But the rest of today was good.

I slept alright. Wasnt thrilled to be awake but I didnt feel bad. Just nervous for the dentist. I fed sweetp and got dressed. And left here esely because of the nervousness.

It was beautiful out. I got to the dentist and discovered theres something up with my insurance so I'm going to have to look into that. Which is annoying. But they took me back and numbed me and did the thing.

Added more composite on my other tooth. And fixed my back tooth. He was very nervous I would be in pain because the filling is right on my nerve. But I had high hopes.

I went home and laid down for an hour. And when I woke up James was here. He had taken out my trash and came for a cuddle.

I was sore but my tooth didnt hurt. Still doesn't. Im hoping it stays that way. My jaw kind of smarts. Like a bruise. But im good.

James walked with me to the bus. I got pizza from 711 and enjoyed the sunshine while I waited for the bus.

Today at the school was excellent. Chelsi had to skip and take her nana to the doctor. But the kids we're great. There was an issue with a staffer barring us from the basketball court. So skating with my girls didnt go as well as I hoped. But we'll figure it out. It was nice to sit and talk to Liz and enjoy the sun.

During art time I taught them a simple way to bind a book. Had them all makong journals. It was tough at first but once they started getting it, they really started going. Helping eachother. It was lovely and I'm really proud of them.

We played vocab games again. And soon enough the day was over. I got the 530 bus and got back to my bike. I listened to music and biked to the BMI.

And I had a blast. I didnt stay for the event. But i had such a good time talking to people and working in the machine shop. I had such a good time. Being dramatic. Telling people to come back on Saturday and get a tour from me. A great night.

I was starving but all I wanted was noodle sides at home. So i biked back. Had to deal with that mean person. But got back here and my new boots were here and they are so good. Such a good deal and they are so nice.

I made my noodles and now im chilling woth sweetp. James is going to come by in the morning to say bye before he goes to Philly for the weekend for a wedding. I hope he has fun. And im working the whole weekend so its the best time for him to go.

I'm going to go wash up and go to sleep. I have the day off tomorrow. Im going to hopefully go to fells point. Unless its raining. Then a nap. Then at least 1 lesson plan. Maybe some art. Well see.

I hope you all sleep good. Have a good night!

#ootd #work #babe #good day #thursday

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dracolucius-abraxusmalfoy · 6 years

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Cassiopeia

Can I have an AU where Harry acquires a familiar before going to Hogwarts? An animal (I’m thinking some kind of large dog?) that doesn’t live at the Dursley’s, obviously, but that he takes care off, giving it what little food he can and making sure it stays clean? And in turn the animal offers him the love and companionship and protection of that he never gets at home? And it kind of just hangs out in the neighbourhood (it’s a familiar, which means magical. It could keep itself hidden, Harry doesn’t know this yet) And when the Dursley’s take him to that island he’s terrified something is going to happen to it (doesn’t even have a name, Harry just calls it Puppy or something) So when Hagrid comes to get him Harry convinces him that they have to come check on the dog and then later when he goes to king cross Hagrid informs Harry that he can’t have a dog at Hogwarts and Harry begs him to take the dog and ‘You’re the grounds keeper right? and you said you love animals! Please please Hagrid I don’t know what will happen to it if I leave it by itself!’ and Harry is loath to ask anyone for anything because that’s not how he was raised but when theres another life involved? He’ll do anything. And so Hagrid agrees to take the dog and when they get to Hogwarts the first thing Harry does is ask Hagrid how it’s doing and wants to know if he can come see it. And Hagrid chuckles loudly and ‘ don’ you know she’s a lass ‘Arry?’ and so Harry decides that she needs a suitable name, but he wants to think on it good and well before deciding anything. The month of September wears on and into October and Harry goes down to Hagrid's cabin just as much to see his dog as to see Hagrid himself, and no body’s quite caught on yet that this dog is Harry’s familiar and maybe Hermione would have but Harry doesn’t tell anyone the full story, not really on purpose but no one ever asks any questions or makes any comment and he certainly isn’t going to volunteer any information about his time at the Dursley’s. Everyone just assumes that Harry really likes Hagrid’s dog. So time goes on right, and this dog learned early on that he wasn’t allowed to follow Harry back after he comes to visit but I guess one day it realizes something is defiantly different. Her human is happier and doesn't seem afraid to leave her anymore, though he’s always a little reluctant. So one night she follows him back to the castle and he doesn't really notice and so she ends up sleeping curled up outside the Fat Lady portrait (much to the paintings distain) and in the morning everyone is kind of really confused because ‘why is there a big dog out here?’ and ‘isn’t that Hagrid new dog?’ And one of the prefects probably goes to get Mcgonagall but by the time they get there the dog is gone. Because of course as soon as Harry left the common room the dog was there and now she’s kind of just following him around. So that’s how the day goes, this great big gentle giant just follows this scrawny 11 year old around all day and the teachers try to get her to leave because they all think she’s Hagrid's and it doesn’t occur to them to get Harry to ask her to go, and besides he’s really quite pleased about this turn of events and sometime during before a class (maybe transfiguration?) Hermione sits down beside Harry (halloween hasn’t happened yet so Hermione isn’t really his friend yet, more of a slightly annoying friendly acquaintance, and she’s looking at this dog that she’s only really seen once or twice and ‘Wow Harry, Hagrid's dog really seems to have taken a shinning to you.’ and nobody's ever referred to her as Hagrid’s dog in his presence and he certainly would have denied it right then and there and Ron just isn’t perceptive enough to even think to ask a question like that and Harry just makes this face, nose scrunched up and eyes squinted and he suddenly feels this overwhelming possessiveness, and he realizes everyone probably thinks of her as ‘Hagrid’s new dog’ and that just seems so entirely wrong to him because she isn’t Hagrid's she’s his and so he says so, definitively ‘She’s not Hagrid's dog, she’s mine’ and Hermione’s probably terribly confused but at that moment Mcgonagall comes in and talking just isn’t an option so she waits rather impatiently and this is probably the first time she’s not payed avid attention to the class and afterwards it Lunch time and she pulls Harry aside and the dog lets out this little growling noise, not really a threat but more of a warning. Nobody touches her boy in that demanding way, not anymore. She won’t let him come back to her with hand print bruises around his arms ever again. So Hermione lets go, eyeing her warily but starts to grill Harry about what he said and he’s terribly confused as to why it really matter. She’s his and that’s all there is too it but when Hermione doesn’t let up he hurriedly explains because ‘really Hermione, it’s lunch time! I’m hungry.’ and he never misses a meal anymore. But Hermione shakes her head and drags him back towards Mcgonagall’s class room, hoping she hasn’t left for lunch yet and she hasn’t and so Hermione starts to explain but the Deputy Headmistress firmly tells her that ‘Mr. Potter is perfectly capable to speaking for himself I assume?’ and Hermione looks indignant but complies and Harry sighs and so he tells Mcgpnagall what he told Hermione and he still doesn’t really see why it’s important and if she’s a problem when she’s in the castle then he’ll tell her not to follow him back anymore and ‘she’s done it before she isn’t allowed in the Dursley’s house, I would probably be locked in the cupboard for days if they ever found out’ and sometimes he forgets that he shouldn’t be talking about that but it just slips out and Mcgonagall looks horrified and she hopes that this boy is exaggerating but from what she knows of him is a very straight forward child. He doesn’t lie or exaggerate and spin tall tales unless he absolutely has too (something that really hasn’t occurred yet but oh boy will it) and she knows that he doesn’t complain. But what really gets her is this dog because, she can’t be can she? and ‘how did you acquire this dog Mr. Potter’ and he just shrugs and looks nervously up at her, like he's finally starting to think that she may be taken away and the teachers here aren’t all like Hagrid.

‘I don’t know professor, she was still a puppy back then, only a few months old. I guess I was just walking home from school one day and she kind of just appeared and walked me most of the way home then disappeared and it kept happening so I started bringing her bits of food and things, meals I’d saved up. Bread and cheese, half a can of soup, and sometimes if I could get out of the house on the weekends I would steal one of Dudley’s brushes and take her down to the river for a bath. She’s really well behaved and she’ll listen if I tell her she can’t be in castle anymore I promise!” and this small child looks so heart broken, tears beginning to well in his eyes and she knows that her hunch was right.

‘that won’t be necessary Mr. Potter. Keep her out of trouble, and she can stay in the tower. But no more following you around to all your classes alright? She can go to Hagrid’s during the day’

‘really?’ His eyes are so wide as if he can barely believe he’s being granted this and Mcgonagall nods back tells him they must go speak with Dumbledore about this. When Harry’s stomach lets out a rather loud grumble he once again looks horrified and he takes a few steps back from her, out of reach and that seems really odd to her and she must have a conversation with the boy about some of the things he’s said at one point or another but for right now he’s safe and the dog isn’t the biggest priority. she informs him she’ll have the elves bring some extras up from the kitchen and when they arrive the tray is already there.

‘ah, minerva, I was wondering from whom the tray had been sent. Please, my boy, have some food! There you go!’ and so Mcgnagall tells the story well harry digs in and Hermione delicately nibbles of one of the proffered sandwiches.

‘Really Minerva you must be mistaken, a familiar? he’s far to young! Familiar appear to their Wizards in the time they need them most, if one is to have a familiar at all. You say he was only six when she appeared? It just isn’t conceivable. The whole story-’

Harry of course is flabbergasted because a familiar! that’s preposterous. He’s read about them of course, in his defence text book. It was one of the alternate readings, and theres just no way! but Hermione next to him is nodding along.

‘yes, Albus, I shall be having a conversation with you about that later, why Harry would have such a need at such a young age.’ and Hermione is looking at Harry with something akin to pity but Dumbledore looks suitably abashed, not meeting Mcgonagall’s eyes.

After that day Harry and Hermione are good friends, and the troll still cements Ron and her’s relationship but Harry doesn’t need that as a catalyst anymore because Hermione helped him keep Cassiopeia, which is the name they come up with together because one night while studying for Astronomy (constellations are one of the first things they learn) Harry remarked that he rather liked that name and Hermione suggested he ask his dog if she liked it too, which she did. It just seemed to fit so perfectly. And years later, after meeting Sirius and hearing about his family it seems even more appropriate.

So Cassiopeia follows Harry through all his trials during his time at Hogwarts, aiding him when she could, (like that the during his third year, she his unafraid of Sirius Black, even going so far as to nuzzle and attempt to groom him (in his dog form) and she always seemed to just know, when Harry informed her Sirius Black was after him she basically rolled her eyes. Harry thinks this is because they met when Harry saw him waiting for the knight bus.)but mostly offering love, companionship and protection. As she always has. Because the war was awful, but he had people helping him along the way always, and he gets nightmares sometimes, and he will always miss those whom he's lost, but his time at the Dursley’s haunts him during his waking hours, worse now that he’s older, that he understands how cruel you have to be to do that to a child. But Cassiopeia is always there for him. She’s always seemed like she can sense Harry’s mood, and the longer they’re together Harry think that sometimes, of he’s concentrating really hard, or if is mind is blank he can sense hers a little as well.

So when two years after the war Harry meets Malfoy again in a muggle coffee shop and Cassiopeia goes right up to him, demanding attention for a brief moment before returning to Harry’s side, relaxed and unaffected, he knows he can trust him, that maybe they could even be friends.

#drarry fanfic #drarry #headcanon #fanfiction #writing #Harry Potter #familiar #cassiopeia #Draco Malfoy #sirius black #hermione granger #minerva mcgonagall #drarry squad #my writing

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