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the1975attheirverybest · 4 months

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Being Funny In A Foreign Language

Chapter 6- All I Need To Hear

Read all previous chapters here

Warnings: mentions of smut

——

Somewhere, in a tour bus, on a dark American highway, Matty stirred from a dreamless sleep.

He rubbed his eyes, turning to lay on his side. He the top of his duvet was cold. He shimmied his way out of cocoon that he’d created in his sleep, his feet finally touching the floor. He stood there for a moment, wondering if he should run into the restroom first or have coffee….coffee won.

“Yo,” he attempted, but his voice was too low. Mark noticed him anyway.

“You’re awake!”

“And you….are….for some reason?” Matty scratched his head, his eyes squinting to adjust to the bright light outside of his bedroom.

“Just couldn’t sleep.” Mark shrugged.

“Right. Sorry, you always say you have a hard time with the movement.” Matty cocked his head. “It’s why you should try drugs.”

Mark chuckled. “I think I’ll stick to my herbal tea. Thanks.”

Matty threw himself down on the couch, laying his head back and closing his eyes. “Fuckkkkk” he groaned. “Think I’m still asleep, actually.”

“Coffee?”

“Yeah, but I’ll get it. Maybe. In a moment. Once my legs have woken up properly.”

Mark smiled, disregarding Matty’s words, he stood up and poured him a cup of coffee. Peaking in the small fridge for a moment, “you hungry?”

“You don’t have to take care of-“

“So that’s a yes then. Is toast alright? Who am I asking…you like anything to do with bread…”

Matty smiled, touched by how well Mark knew him. He peaked out the blinds, into the pitch black of night.

“Where are we?”

Mark stopped buttering the piece of bread in his hand and flicked his wrist. “Interstate.”

“Which one?”

“I75”

“So…." Matty tried to guess the schedule “we’re on our way to Charlotte?”

“Columbus, Ohio.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. Ohio.”

“Eat.” Mark handed him his coffee and piece of toast.

“Thanks, man.”

Matty ate in silence, listening to the sounds of his own chewing, and evading Mark’s curious gaze. He knew Mark had something on his mind. He also had an idea of what it might be.

“What?!” Matty eventually said, swallowing dry.

“I haven’t said anything.”

“But you want to. So, just- go- ahead and say it!”

“Alright.” Mark inched closer towards him, clearing his throat and looking directly into Matty’s eyes. “How are you?”

Fuck. A loaded question. Matty found it impossible to look away, now that Mark had locked eyes on him. He couldn’t lie. It’s all over his face. So; instead, he shrugged, picking up his coffee mug and sipping on it, just to have something to bust himself with.

Mark said absolutely nothing, simply continuing to look into Matty’s eyes with a gentle smile.

The silence was unbearable, Matty eventually spoke just to make it stop. “I’m- im….fine. You know. I’m always fine. It’s all good.”

He pushed the plate away from him, then spoke again. “Am I- like- feeling the best I’ve ever felt? No. But- you know. What about it? It’s not like I’m fuckin suicidal or anything….and, I’m happy the boys have all got places to be and all that cuz….could you imagine if the whole band was getting all this…’backlash’? I don’t even like that word ‘backlash.’”

Matty paused to catch his breath. His own words sinking into his mind. “But yeah…it does feel a bit odd. There’s a lot happening….of course, they know. George’s been texting me. You wanna see the memes?” Matty giggled, recalling their latest text exchange. “I’ll go get my phone.”

Matty reached for his phone at the charging station, plopping down on the bed, scrolling through several unread messages from a variety of friends and acquaintances to get to George’s name. His finger hover over Amelia’s name for a moment. He opened their text chain and typed a quick “hiya. Checking in. You left before we could talk about things. Wanted to make sure you’re feeling okay about it all 😊” he sighed, reading his own words back, he felt gross. Perhaps he could rephrase things? He thought about it for a quick second and replaced the emoji with a “xx.” Then, rethinking it again, he deleted the “xx” and ended the text with a full stop. He sat there, staring at the “send” button. Why hasn’t she checked in with him though? His mind couldn’t help but go over every single torturous detail of the last time that he’d seen her. Had he done anything wrong? Had he failed to make her happy? To follow her orders? He was a bit too stubborn with his begging when she told him she didn’t want him cumming. Did she not want him to? Did he break the rules? The entire night played in his head on a loop. He remembered every moment. Her hitting his face, repeatedly. Him feeling it everywhere, from his what to his toes, begging for more. Being on his knees. Her sweet touch on his pulsing, red face. Her fingers in his mouth, on his crotch, her expression of concern once he’d lost balance and landed on the floor after she withdrew her hand. Though she sounded concerned, she still chose to pick his head off the floor by the roots of his hair. Something about that combination excited him immensely. Still, if he was being honest with himself, he kind of hoped she’d lean down and kiss him. Or say something to indicate that she knew how badly he wanted her. But she didn’t.

The pain was good. Him ending up naked and at her mercy wasn’t where he thought the night would go. But he did push her buttons. It hurt so much. And it felt so good. He loved it. Loved feeling that burning on his skin and knowing that she was the cause of it. But he wished he knew if she liked it too. The entire time, he longed to hear a word of encouragement from her. He recalls her pausing to give his cheek a quick kiss once he’d offered to count. She did actually tell him he was doing good. But how sincere was she? Was it just a platitude? Like a “thanks” you say when someone hands you the tv remote or asks if you want anything from the store? Did she know that he liked taking the pain for her? To please her? To show her that he would do anything for her ? Surely she would have said something if she’d appreciated his suffering. Once they’d stopped, he was sure she’d scoop him up in her arms and tell him how good he’d been for her. That she was happy he’d done as she’d told him. Maybe make him promise to try to eat better tomorrow. Or give him the chance to apologize better. Sure, she’d helped clean him up afterwards, but that’s the bare minimum. She did let him cling to her and bury his face in her for a bit. But he’d wanted more. Was he greedy for wishing that he could lay on top of her or be enveloped by her or feel her skin directly on his? She does have a boyfriend. One that she’d offered to break up with. He was the one to stop her. He told her not to. It’s selfish, but, that night, he really wished that she hadn’t left him alone in the room. He needed her so much. He still does. They did have sex, so, isn’t it arbitrary to draw the line at staying afterwards? Or did they even have sex? She whipped him bloody and then held his hand as he experienced his first orgasm in a long time. And then he cried like an idiot. Does that even count as sex? Fuck. The most sexual contact he’s getting these days and he’s not even sure if it really is sexual contact. What has become of him?

The welts on his ass, sending pain through him every time that he sat down or moved a bit too quickly, were a constant reminder of his failure to make her happy. she hadn’t even called or texted to ask if he was healing up nicely or if he needed anything. Where had he gone wrong? Should he have offered to get her off after? Perhaps. It wasn’t fair that she never got to cum. He just didn’t have the foresight to think in that moment. He wasn’t sure his brain was functioning at all. Everything was fuzzy and unclear. Yet again, his thoughtlessness had let her down. Even when he was doing all this for her, he still managed to make the experience about himself and his pleasure. He hadn’t meant to. It was all supposed to be for her. But somehow he got it wrong.

He deleted the text that he’d been composing, replacing it with a new one. “I’m so sorry, Amelia.” Sorry for what? Sorry is what you say if you accidentally bump into someone or if you reach for their spoon at a restaurant. What kind of words could he use for being a useless human being? What gives him the right to even reach out? Clearly, she hasn’t messaged him because she didn’t want to hear from him. He shouldn’t bother her or remind her of what a disappointment he’s been. He deleted the apology and swiped out of the text chain, finally finding George’s name.

“Okay; here it is.” He stood in the doorway, choosing a selection of texts to show to Mark.

***

Three hours behind, in Los Angeles, Amelia struggled to fall asleep in the plush hotel bed that she shared with Joshua. She couldn’t stop seeing Matty every time that her eyes closed. She’d left him crying, in bed, in nothing but his underwear. After inflecting a disorienting amount of pain on his already exhausted body. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. He asked for it, even. Thanked her for it. He looked so beautiful wincing and smiling every time she’d hit him. He’d say ‘thank you’ and beg for more, unprompted. The dazed look in his eyes was clear proof that he wanted it just as much as she did. Though it broke her heart that he was all too eager to be punished, he’d been stoic and brave about it. Still, it was the thing that finally made him cum, so it couldn’t have been bad, right? Her heart shattered into pieces at the memory of his pained cries. He was overwhelmed. Scared to even experience pleasure. She couldn’t forget the way he’d helplessly squeezed her hand. As if begging for her to intervene. To implore his body to be less cruel on him. She wished she could help him but she didn’t know how. Did she have the power to slow things down? To heighten the pleasure and lessen the pain ? Shouldnt she know if that’s a power that she posses or not? Had she taken on a role that she’s woefully unprepared for?

she wondered if she’d gone too far. If he’d only gone along with it to make her happy. If she should’ve been gentler, slower. She remembers being on the receiving end of things like this. She never did it just to make Matty happy, though the knowledge that it pleased and amused him to hear her whimper and beg always made her excited to partake. She had no idea if he felt the same though; it never occurred to her to ask. She felt around the nightstand, in the dark, for her phone. The screen lit up, she checked it for any messages from him but there was nothing. She wished he were here right now. Wondered how he’s been doing since she’d left to get to this exhibit. Has he been eating? Sleeping? Is he feeling excited about seeing the boys again soon? About getting back onstage after a small break? He always had has smile on his face whenever he is up there. She’d missed that smile. All she could hope for was that doing his job would remind him that he wasn’t alone, that people all over the world love him, and that things do get better.

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miammey · 2 months

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Okay, hi, my name is Austin and it feels like no one will listen to me when I talk about the Hunting Dog’s fighting styles.

Like, idk what’s about it but just hear me out.

When it comes to Jouno, he’s usually drawn — in my opinion with a sleeper build. Like, not a lot of muscle in my opinion.

So, in that case, I feel like he uses his sword a lot but when it comes to hand to hand combat? I feel like he’s more of a Black Widow type of fighter. Like full body attacks, I feel like during sparring he’s locked Tecchou in a thigh chokehold before while punching his head.

Yes I know technically he probably has a lot of muscle from the enhancement surgeries, but also because’s he’s blind, I feel like he rely on agility and mobility rather than brute strength like Tecchou. Like add some class to it.

Like full body, all the way. Especially that spin move Natasha does?

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8q18Lhu/

Like that, he’s done it so many times before. I feel like he also uses his legs a lot, like he’s a bad habit kicker and he honed it to perfection. Like making a bad habit a good weapon.

Now, we all know Tecchou uses his sword a lot. It’s basic instinct since it’s his ability at this point. But when it comes to hand to hand combat? He’s a kick boxer. Like for real throwing hands with a little of Kuina Hikari from Alice in Borderland’s fighting style in the mix. Like, look it up on Youtube and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Teruko.

Ah, Teruko.

She doesn’t have a fighting style.

Let me rephrase that, she has multiple and she can’t pick one or choose. Her fighting style is whatever will take down her opponent faster. Boxing, Tae Kwan Do, Agni Kai, Streetfighting, Black Widow — whatever will take down her opponent, she’s doing it.

Hell, she’ll fuck around and copy their fighting style for shits and giggles.

Now Tachihara is the prime example of “packing heat.”

He brings the gun to the sword fights. He brings the gun to the knife fights because nobody is bulletproof to him. It’s all fun and games, all abilities and whatnot and he’ll forget his ability and just start shooting.

Hand to Hand combat tho? He’s a street fighter. Like, street fighter. Hands up, jacket off, hopping in place and throwing hands and putting people in chokeholds. That’s it, that’s all.

Thank you for reading this through and I hope you have an awesome day!

Ooohh yes yes yes!!! I love hearing about fighting styles, keep talking about it all you want!!! These are awesome and make total sense!!! Idk what a lot of these character’s fighting styles look like, but I get the picture through your explanations

Jouno putting his whole body into it makes a lot of sense, yes he’s fairly muscular but body-type wise he feels like he’s be a bit leaner than characters like Tecchou or Teruko (adult form). I also think that he’d just have more fun in that sense

Tecchou throwing hands is something we need more of, even without his sword this guy’s a menace and I love that

Teruko not sticking to one specific style and going with whatever works in the moment fits her character so well, she’s definitely the type to think on her feet and keep her opponent on their toes

Tachihara being a streetfighter also fits super well, especially with the gangster-personality he has in the Mafia. I also imagine if he does run out of bullets he’d just start smacking people with his gun alongside his fists lol (that’s called pistol whipping, right??)

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing this, Austin!! If you have any more to share I’m absolutely down to listen!!

#asks

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devilbrakers · 1 year

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3, 19, 30 for sylvan, 7, 18, 31 for valen, 5, 22, 32 for helena pleaseeys

thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu beloved <3333 from this ask game

Sylvan:

3. weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?

He uses a sword and shield more often than not but he can rarely be seen using a bow. He wasn't really blessed with that natural bosmer talent nor with any magical prowess so he trained with warriors or just by himself growing up. His weapons are made of bone since I assume that would be custom in Valenwood?

19. are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

No, he's pretty tolerant for the most part! He's usually the one pissing people off jfkldsf. But lying (which is a bit hypocritical) and social injustices are the probably the best way to piss him off. Also messing with Valen or any of his family.

30. do they smell like anything notable?

He most often smells of leather and sweat so not the most pleasant but honestly probably just blends in with everyone else in the group especially after battle. Though maybe for more formal events, he'll use cologne or something like that if they have that in tamriel 😭. He'd like something earthy so maybe cedar or sandalwood.

Valen:

7. favorite animal? why?

She LOVESSSS monkeys so much. She just thinks they're cute and she still has a plushie from when she was little 😭.

18. their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

She's pretty chill about stealing especially since she used to be a bit of a klepto as a teenager. If I remember correctly it's common in bosmer culture to just take shit from each other and then return it when you need it without saying anything, or something like that? I guess that's more like borrowing but that's a big reason as to why she's okay with it.

As for lying and killing, they are certainly not her favorite things in the world but understands the necessity (mostly lying) from time to time. She actually had never killed anyone until she came to Skyrim and knowing that would be a very real possibility caused some reservations but her love for Sylvan obviously overrode that. But it's not something she does senselessly, it's always out of self-defense. As for lying, she very rarely ever does. It makes her feel guilty and she sees it as a type of betrayal if that makes sense? So she's pretty much always honest. She might just rephrase certain things to make the impact softer for more serious things.

31. do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift?

She loves gifts, both giving and receiving! Though she does have a slight preference for receiving. She's always been most partial to jewelry/accessories so she especially treasures what Sylvan's made for her and Kaidan's talisman :)

Helena:

5. how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?

As much as she loves aesthetics, she mostly leans towards practicality. While out on contracts that don't require much socializing, she's usually wearing black hand robes since they're dark and light-weight, allowing for easier stealth kills. But she'll occasionally go for the armor if she knows she might have to do a lot of fighting.

Around the sanctuary, she's also probably just wearing robes though maybe something more elegant looking, or maybe just a simple looking dress with some jewelry. She really only dresses overly formal for balls or social events where she actually has people to impress.

Ik I pin a lot of stuff or put stuff on my oc blog that kinda contradicts this but 😭😭

22. do they sleep well at night?

In more recent years, yeah, she sleeps like a baby. But in her earlier years as a vampire, she had a much harder time sleeping because of all the awful shit she's been through but the memories have faded with time and she's moved on from a lot of it anyway.

32. do they have any habits that aren't particularly self-destructive, just maybe odd?

Idk if this is really odd but she likes to smell books especially newer ones? She also talks to herself a lot since she's spent a VERY long time by herself.

#beans my beloved ...#ask #my ocs #sylvan #valen #helena

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ivelovedhimthroughworse · 2 years

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Get To Know Me

Thanks for the tags: @nausikaaa, @captain-aralias, @raenestee, @angelsfalling16, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @aristocratic-otter, @bookish-bogwitch and @fight-surrender

Relationship Status:

Happily in a relationship with someone I've known for more than half my life. We were friends for six or seven years, maybe, before having our "something to talk about" epiphany.

Favorite Colour:

Red. (For clothes and possessions)

Favorite food:

I used to be a butter and cheese enthusiast, but sadly, no longer.

So my favorite food is bread. Fresh, fluffy, yeasty, yum. And dark chocolate.

Chocolate chip cookies (made with dark chocolate and margarine) are my favorite dessert.

Song stuck in your head:

There's a song called "Whispers of the Heart" that's been haunting me nonstop for three days. I think it has the lyrics, "country roads, take me home".

Why is this in my head? Remember @foolofabookwyrm-activated made the top tier Rick Roll playlist? There was an orchestral version by Vitamin String Quartet. I was up late on Saturday night editing my chapter and thought I'd check out more of their instrumental pop covers. The last song before I went to bed was Whispers of the Heart and my brain got stuck on loop and I fell asleep with it and woke up with it and here we are today, despite the fact that I only know maybe eleven words of the lyrics.

Someone in my house is singing Sink the Bismark, so that may dislodge and become the new earworm winner (Please please please).

Last thing you googled:

Lyrics to Sink the Bismarck by Johnny Horton

Lots of Victorian period photographs and engraving for COTTA, including but not limited to period ladies' glasses, ladies' hairstyles for curly hair, cross-dressing and long hair for men

Time:

16:04pm

Dream trip:

Costa Rica. Especially for a tree top adventure. Or hang gliding.

Last book you read:

Sharkmartini's fanfic series On the Relativity of Time. Okay, it's not the last book, but I read this and love it and just keep thinking about it.

Last book you enjoyed:

I enjoyed rereading Boyfriend Material to get ready for the release of Husband Material. I think I liked it better this time than the first time.

Last book I hated reading:

I didn't hate it, but I rolled my eyes a lot through Dangerous Alliance: An Austentacious Romance by Jennieke Cohen. It seemed every chapter had this same sentence, "She bit her lip." Although occasionally she bit the inside of her cheek. But I kept reading anyway and tried to figure out what made the phrase so jarring and how this author could have rephrased it to be less repetitive.

Favorite thing to cook/bake:

I love cooking and baking. Right now I'm learning a lot about vegetarian cooking. One major difference is that you need a lot more spice and aromatics to make up for the loss of meat flavour. My spice cabinet is getting more interesting.

Favorite craft to do in free time:

I doodle. All the time and everywhere. Pencil and pen doodles cover the margins of my notebooks and bills and any scrap paper. As a hobby, I like painting. I'm handy with most types of crafts. And when the temperature drops I like to have a knitting project to keep my hands busy.

Most niche dislikes:

Blerg. I must have some. I'm sure I thought of one. What was it?

Is it niche to get mad at people who are not celiacs and want to cut bread out because someone told them that it will solve every health problem? Bread is glorious. I'll never let you say mean words about my good friend, bread.

Opinion on circuses, now and in history:

If I'm going to spend my money, it's not going to be on a circus. I'd rather go to see live music, or watch a play or musical. I'd enjoy a drag show or maybe burlesque. I'd even take the opera or ballet before the circus.

Circuses in history have been abusive to animals. Who's going to have a positive opinion about that?

Do you have a sense of direction, and if not what is the worst way you’ve gotten lost:

I've got a fairly good sense of direction. I like maps, but not so much GPS. If I use GPS directions then my brain stops making a mental map. I've gotten lost mostly because I tire of taking the same route and will mix things up at random.

Most of the time I enjoy getting lost, so I had to really think of a worst time. Okay, once I was driving to my aunt's cottage and everyone else in the car was sleeping so I decided to get off the highway and take a scenic route. I got hopelessly lost and was out of cell range. I made it there more than an hour late and tired and frazzled while the other car occupants were refreshed and ready to go. Ugh.

Tagging in some creative folks: @stardustasincocaine @ic3-que3n @takitalks @nick-eyre @cynopoe @stillmadaboutpetra @urban-sith

#about me #any new ear worm suggestions are welcome

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x-fizzyp0p-x · 2 years

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Lost Promise | Robin Arellano/The New Boy

TW - Canon-type violence, heavily implied CSA

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41352417

A pinkish-orange sky, seemingly only just having been bright blue, became a momentary point of distraction. It was beautiful - the perfect kind of gradient painting that you’d see hanging up in a doctor’s office to relax patients. Robin Arellano quickly turned back to Finn though, glad to have gotten so much done. Although he was still worried about the test tomorrow, he was more confident that he’d be able to pass, at the very least.

Robin always felt so lucky to have someone like Finn. He just… Made everything better. Easier– or, maybe just worth the effort. He’d be expelled by now if he didn’t have him as a tutor, and even just as a friend. Since they began hanging out more often, he’d found that he was trying harder in school, actually caring about not getting suspended. And he was actually getting into less fights.

With the exception of today, of course.

It took Robin a moment to realize he was staring until he quickly looked back to the textbook.

“You think you’ll need any more practice?” The boy looked up at him, “I could just come up with some more problems off the top of my head.”

“I think I’ll be okay, actually. I understand it a lot better now, I can actually run through the process, y’know?”

“Yeah?” Finn smiled, “Good, glad it paid off. I’ll write some notes for you to memorize before the test, okay? Like flashcards.”

“Alright, thanks Finn.”

Smiling softly - not even visibly - Robin closed his notebook and folder, throwing them in his book bag carelessly followed by a loose pencil. He stood to stretch and grab his bottle of water. This gave him the opportunity to watch Finn as he wrote the notes on an index card. Robin found that he was gorgeous in the moment, just as he was every other. The sunset showing from the window next to him only complemented his natural beauty. It was a sweet moment he wished he could capture on camera if he wouldn't look like a creep while doing it.

But, who was he to be thinking these things about his best friend?

Taking a large chug of water, he tried to focus his attention elsewhere. Noticing it was only 6pm, he knew it was still two hours until Finn had to get back home. Wanting to take advantage of this opportunity, he thought of something to do in the meantime.

“You wanna stay for dinner? We can listen to the mixtape I made the other night.”

“Oh, I would, but I don’t wanna be walking home after dark. Cause…” Finn paused for a moment, hesitating and rephrasing what he was going to say. “The kidnappings.”

“Don’t worry about it, my mom can give you a ride.”

“Would she be okay with that?”

Robin chuckled, “You know she loves you like her own, Finn. She won’t mind.”

Laughing and rolling his eyes, Finn finally agreed and put the index card in Robin’s backpack, notably doing so in a more organized manner than the bag was used to, as it was tucked neatly into a folder. He didn’t seem to mind the mess, despite his own bag being much more orderly.

It was only a few minutes until they were called down for dinner. Finn always seemed to love eating with the Arellano’s. Even if it was kind of chaotic - he seemed to like the fact that they were all able to talk to each other without someone getting annoyed. And the food was amazing, of course - Stella was an amazing cook, and it was obvious she put a lot of effort in it.

It seemed to have everything his own family lacked.

Robin remembered a time where Finn was crying to him, rambling about how much he hated his father. He’d almost suggested the boy grab Gwen and a few important items and stay here, but he knew how the system worked.

It wasn’t legal, and his mom would get into trouble for it. Plus, getting caught would just get the siblings into even more danger.

For the time being, he just let them both stay the night when they needed to.

And everyone loved having them over anyways, so it wasn’t like it was a problem. Finn, especially, fit right into the family. It was almost too perfect to have a best friend like him.

Even if he wished sometimes that it was more than that.

Trying to continue pushing the thought from his mind, Robin tried to enjoy dinner like any normal person would. He stuffed his face full of food as if it were his last meal while Stella was in the kitchen, preparing dessert. Finn did the same though, sitting right beside him, enjoying one of the rare moments he actually got good food.

“Ew, Robin.” Cecilia playfully rolled her eyes.

“Oh shut up,” He spoke with his mouth full, “I don’t say anything when you’re being gross.”

“At least I don’t shove my face full of it like that.”

“Oh please, at least I don’t suck faces with Chris Showalter–”

She lightly kicked him under the table.

“Right in the living room too.” Finn added, laughing slightly.

“Hey!” Cecelia lowered her voice, “If you two don’t keep your mouths shut, I’m not taking you to the arcade next week.”

Not calling her bluff, the pair didn’t mention what they saw earlier as Stella came back to the dining room.

The rest of dinner went well. Finn thanked Stella profusely, as per usual, grateful to be included - especially on such short notice. She was always so accommodating and never complained - it would’ve felt wrong for him not to. Robin brought some soda and cookies upstairs for them while they listened to the mixtape.

“It’s just something I put together really. Just… Shit that reminded me of you, y’know?”

Robin tried to keep himself chill, and didn’t make a big deal out of it, casually putting in the tape and hitting play. Finn seemed interested, though - as he always did - and smiled as they both sat on the bed and listened to the music, the first song being from Fleetwood Mac. He and Finn had some slightly differing music tastes - Robin being more into rock than anything, but his friend never seemed to mind.

In the midst of it, Robin noticed him holding something small in his hands, and looked over, smiling.

“You still carry that around with you?”

Confused at first, Finn paused for a moment, then smiled. “Yeah, course I do. It’s helpful for– if it’s like, dark out, or I need self defense…” He started to stutter slightly.

“Good.” He took one last look at the spaceship. “Use it however you need. That’s why I got it in the first place.”

Finn smiled and nodded, holding it tightly in his hand.

“Oh, by the way, you can take the mixtape when you go.”

“Wait– are you sure??”

“Yeah. I’ll make another one - we can both have a copy that way.”

This moment in and of itself - just sitting and hanging out with his best friend, eating and talking about life - was beautiful. He didn’t always get moments of peace like this. Anything in school or in public always felt tense, like he had eyes on him. But this was different. It always was, with Finn. And he cherished that.

He hoped to have that for as long as possible.

»»——⍟——««

Counting up his cash, Robin was glad to seemingly have enough to get some decent snacks. It had taken a while to save up for this, and he was just glad to have enough for a night with Finn. He shoved the money back into his jean pockets, now looking straight ahead as he walked closer to the direction of the convenience store, taking in the fresh air.

After only a few moments, he saw a black van. He thought nothing of it, really. It was probably just some company van that a dude parked to take a bathroom break or something. But, as Robin approached, a man stepped out of the van. And… A weird one at that.

The man was pale, and wore a top hat with dark colored sunglasses in the middle of a dull fall. But his outfit - that was what weirded Robin out the most. He wore some kind of ugly black and red suit with a black cape that flowed softly in the wind. And, in a weird way, he thought the stranger looked ready for some kind of performance.

This man seemed headed in Robin’s direction - he knew there was no other person around, and this was probably bound to be incredibly dangerous. With the way that four boys had already turned up missing within the last year, he knew in his gut that something was wrong. He’d only wished he hadn’t been so stubborn to fight with his instincts.

Before he knew it, he and the man were only a few feet away, and Robin could immediately tell he had bad intentions. Something about his mannerisms… Was off. Besides, what was he even doing out here, if not heading to the convenience store in the opposite direction?

Robin clenched his fists tightly, preparing to plant his feet when he stopped walking as he kept an eye on the man who grew closer with a fake welcoming smile.

“Hey there, would you like to see a–”

“Not interested, I’m busy.”

Keeping himself on guard, Robin walked past the man, who now sighed and caught up to him. This made the boy immediately turn and force his arm back, elbowing him in the throat. That didn’t stop the man, though, as he only made a noise of distress and grabbed him violently, keeping the kid in his arms tightly as he reached in his coat for a canister.

“LET ME THE FUCK GO YOU–”

The man sprayed some kind of bug poison or cleaner into Robin’s mouth, forcing his throat to stop the cries for help, and then into his eyes, making his vision go dark and blurry. Still, though, he didn’t give up on fighting for freedom, even if he had to blindly run into a nearby store. He threw vicious and frantic punches, which, although well aimed, didn’t get him out of the man’s grasp. Instead, he felt something stab him in his upper arm, only making him more panicked and desperate. Despite his efforts, he was thrown into the back of a van, fighting until the moment he inevitably passed out.

»»——⍟——««

Robin wasn’t sure what exactly woke him up, but when he did enough to be able to see, he found the man – his kidnapper, was sitting beside him. He now wore a mask, though, and ditched the whole outfit he was wearing earlier.

…It was still the same day, right?

Mostly out of instinct, Robin sat up and prepared himself to fight. But his vision only got more spotty, and his head felt like it was vibrating. He found he could hardly even breathe right, and suddenly became aware of every little function his body was performing.

“Oh good morning,” The man laughed lightheartedly, “Sorry about the whole uh… Needle situation, you are quite the fighter! You know you even kinda remind me of someone…”

Robin stared at the man for a few moments, slowly putting the pieces together in his head. He felt stupid in hindsight, realizing that this was The Grabber. The same man who had taken Griffin Stagg, Billy Showalter, Vance Hopper, Bruce Yamada… And now him.

“You’re… The fucking Grabber.”

“The who?” He laughed again, “Sorry, I’m not sure I know who that is.”

Robin slurred his words slightly, “Everyone knows The Grabber dumbass, he’s… Everywhere in the papers…”

“Hmm, must be some other guy.”

He only felt himself become more pissed off. As he tried to look around, the room spun, and he couldn’t get an exact idea of what to do. He was obviously drugged, but had no idea with what, or how long it would last.

“Th-they’re gonna find me… You can’t get away with this, you pedazo de mierda.”

“Aw, calm down… Nobody’ll find you down here, but I’ll let you go eventually anyways.”

“I don’t believe you…”

The Grabber laughed, “Well you don’t have to believe me, José.”

Robin scowled at the remark, trying to connect his body with his consciousness to get some kind of fight in him. It only worked for a few seconds at a time, before he just became dizzy and nauseous again.

“Well I’ll leave you to your own devices there for a little bit… To get yourself together, there.” The Grabber chuckled, “But don’t worry, I’ll be back soon. I’ve just got to… Take care of something.”

“Vete al infierno, maldito pedo.”

The Grabber seemed to pause for a moment, but then went silent and left the basement, slamming the door behind him.

Robin leaned against the wall behind him, slowly starting to lose consciousness again.

»»——⍟——««

When Robin woke up again, he was less dizzy - not by a lot, but enough to get up and move around. It was also dark out now, as he could see from the window, and the entire basement was extremely dark. Of course the fucker would leave no kind of lighting down here… So he’d have to get up and walk extremely carefully, getting a close look.

Standing up from the bed, Robin moved his hand along the wall, feeling for anything notable, and found his hand touching something cold and hard hanging on the wall. He stopped and further investigated it, and getting closer, he realized it was a phone.

He knew there was no way The Grabber would leave him down here, alone with a working phone. There was a cord not connected to anything that just confirmed his suspicions. But still, he didn’t rule it out, and picked the phone up off the receiver. He heard nothing, but still tried to dial the three magic numbers.

Nothing. Obviously.

Robin felt stupid for even trying it.

Whatever - he had to continue investigating before that bastard came back down here.

In the dark, Robin couldn’t exactly find much of anything. A small hallway, a toilet, some random carpets… But nothing really useful to him right now. He figured he could get a better look and figure something out once it was daylight again.

But honestly, he had no idea how long that would be. And he was starving.

It was weird - even to him - to find himself hoping that man would come down here. He hated it. The thought of that sick fuck made his skin crawl, but god was he hungry, and wanted to fight him.

If he was more on guard this time, he’d at least have a higher chance of winning this time.

Why was he so weak in that fight outside the van?

What did he do wrong?

Robin had no idea how long he was sitting there, rethinking the moment he was kidnapped, going through and criticizing his own every move. But, after however long it was, it was still dark out, and the basement lights had suddenly turned on.

He immediately stood and planted his feet, facing the door and clenching his fists tight, preparing himself mentally.

When the door opened, The Grabber walked through, holding a tray with a plate of eggs and some bottle of soda. The bottom half of his mask was now blank - a contrast from the smile he had on earlier.

“Well hi there. Are you up and ready for supper?”

“The fuck did you put in that?”

“Oh please, I’d have no reason to tamper with your food!”

The Grabber laughed, now placing it down on the floor. “Now I know I promised to keep you some company, but I’ve got a few… Errands to run real quick, shouldn’t be longer than half an hour.”

Robin didn’t respond, staring at him as he waved.

“I’ll see you soon!”

The man left without another word. Robin was so glad to finally have something to eat that he almost didn’t notice that the door wasn’t shut all the way.

Walking closer, Robin paused.

The door was unlocked.

This fucking dumbass left the goddamn door unlocked while leaving the house.

Knowing he’d end up having to run, Robin took advantage of the food that was left here, trying to get as much excess energy as he could. He had a limited time window so he ate and drank as fast as he ever had before, taking one more swig of faith before standing up and opening the door.

The basement entrance looked pretty fucking normal for a shithead creep of a person. It was unsettling, but he had absolutely no time to dwell on it, confidently walking up the stairs and swinging the door open once more. And only a few steps out, he paused, losing all color left in his face as he saw The Grabber sitting there, knowingly, waiting for the biggest fuckup of Robin’s life with a belt in hand.

Shit.

This was it, wasn’t it? He was going to die in this ugly fucking house and there was nothing he could do about it.

He wouldn’t ever get to say goodbye to his mother. His sister.

To Finn.

Finn was probably worried sick, already paranoid about the local kidnapper, and had no one else aside from Gwen to defend him. They couldn’t have any more movie nights, or days at the arcade, or lazy days just watching TV or listening to music.

This was it.

But it didn’t have to be.

Robin planted his feet and raised his fists, watching as The Grabber approached.

“I didn’t say you could leave yet, did I? Naughty boy…”

And Robin tried. He was a great fighter - he could’ve sworn that he would’ve won at some points, but he just wasn’t enough. He was still a kid. Fighting Moose was different than fighting a 40 or 50 something year-old man.

It just wasn’t enough.

Robin wasn’t conscious through all of it. Similar to when he was drugged, he kept falling in and out of consciousness. The last solid memory he had was being grabbed and thrown down into the basement, hitting the floor with enough force to break skin in multiple places, and create a stabbing pain all throughout his head.

In the next moment, and for many after that, he felt himself being beaten brutally with that fucking belt. He’s never been in a fight that hurt this bad. Even his earlier ones weren’t this bad. It made sense though. Everyone he’s ever fought was around his age, and didn’t use belt buckles like some fucking creep.

There were points where he tried to fight back.

Robin did manage to get in at least a few good punches and kicks. He’d only wished he had enough strength to put him in a headlock or something. Anything that would give him some kind of advantage.

But he only grew weaker and more limp as he passed in and out. It got to the point where he had no more fight left in him. Physically, and mentally. He gave up. He’d done what he could, and still ended up failing. All he could think to do was try to space out or lose consciousness again as he felt himself be undressed and violated. He tried not to think about it. He tried to think of happier moments in his life than… This. He tried to remember his mother, sister, and uncle. When he had recently watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and had gotten the idea to invite Finn with his uncle, who was completely down to the idea. And how he and his mother would go shopping together when they got a decent sum of money. And how he and Cecelia would bicker, but always bounced back and defended each other. Like when Robin covered for her when she snuck out for that party. And of course, the few memories he had of his father, all held in the bandana he always wore.

And Finn.

He never really even got to tell Finn the truth - why he had lingering stares, and always wanted to hang out, and gave him good gifts nearly every suiting holiday despite not having a lot of money to buy them with.

Why he made that mixtape.

Despite that, Robin needed this to end now. He wasn’t strong enough for this kind of thing - he could’ve never prepared himself for something like this. All he knew at this point was that the more he fought, the more The Grabber got violent.

And he did have a knife with him, too.

The Grabber could end this for good if he were pushed far enough.

Robin did everything he could think of. He spit in the man’s face, bit him, kicked him, hit him, and tried to get away. He watched as the man’s temper worsened, despite the fact that the boy couldn’t even do any kind of damage in this state anyway. He was pissed and fed up with the inconveniences, and that much was easy to tell.

It didn’t feel quick, though.

He had always watched characters in movies die pretty quickly from stab wounds in the abdomen area, like how he was. But his death did not feel that fast. He could’ve sworn that he was laying there, bleeding out under The Grabber for hours.

But then again, he didn’t actually have a way of finding out.

Robin Miguel Arellano gave into the darkness, only wishing that Finn wouldn’t end up making the same mistake that he had.

»»——⍟——««

He found himself confused as he sat on the bed again, having to watch as his body was carried someplace else while he, himself, couldn’t actually leave. He tried to leave the basement, which shockingly worked, but he found himself stuck in the house. It was bullshit - he was dead for fuck’s sake, what more did the world want from him? Because god fucking forbid he check on Finn or his family.

Burying his head in his hands, he soon heard some soft voices approaching closer. He almost ignored it before he realized that all those other kids The Grabber had kidnapped were probably stuck here too, for god-knows how long. He… Wasn’t exactly thrilled to find out he had roommates, but it’d at least give him some company while he waited to… Move on? Or whatever was bound to happen after this.

He looked up and saw an array of four other kids. One of them was literally just that - a kid. He looked like he could’ve been in elementary school or something. Another was the local paperboy, and Cecelia’s boyfriend’s brother; Billy Showalter? The one who was sulking in the corner went to school with him, and got into a lot of fights. The kid standing right next to him was some baseball player he recognized from one of Finn’s games.

He was… Weirded out as he found out that he only remembered one of their names. And yet, as he tried to introduce himself with his own… Nothing came to mind.

How does someone forget their own name?

The new boy was frankly glad that he wasn’t alone in not remembering his own identity. The group seemed to have their own way of referring to each other though, and the system was working so far. They were… Weird nicknames, that was for sure, but it worked for the time being. Though he… Wasn’t exactly fond of his.

Hell, it was better than what The Grabber called him, though.

The new boy sighed, “So we just… Have to sit and wait?”

“Basically,” The paperboy nodded, “Not like we have another choice. Trust me, we’ve all tried everything…”

“But I’m sure someone will come around and escape.” The baseball player added.

“That’s so… Morbid? And kinda sad.”

“Well, we can’t do anything else about it.” The paperboy stood, looking at everyone sadly.

“We tried the phone with almost everyone, and no one ever hears it.” The kid mumbled.

The new boy was silent for a few moments, trying to take this all in. And it was… A lot, but he knew this couldn’t be it for them. Someone was bound to hear the phone, or outsmart The Grabber. He just… He had to be the last to die. He hoped to be, really. No one deserved to go through this. Not even the rockstar, who, although had a mean streak, was still a kid like the rest of them.

Despite all that, he didn't want to have to outgrow his nickname.

“But if the… Even if the next person hears the phone, what do we even tell him?”

Everyone looked at each other, confused.

“I guess we never really had the chance to think about it…” The kid shrugged.

Nodding, the new boy thought for a moment. “Well, let’s make a plan, then… If– when someone hears the phone ring, we need to be prepared. We can’t waste a life like that… Whoever he ends up being, we need a plan that works for him. Something versatile.”

“...I found out there’s a freezer full of meat in the storage room next to the bathroom.” The rockstar, who was sitting in the corner with the baseball player, mumbled.

Everyone looked over at him before he spoke again. “I think– I know he ended up putting a lock on it after he killed me, and he just got a dog. If he brings that thing down here to attack some kid, he could use that to his advantage.”

The new boy nodded, “That’s good, we could use that… Now we need something that could take that hijo de puta down.”

“What if he fell into a hole?”

The words of the baseball player caught everyone off guard.

“...What?” The rockstar finally asked.

“No seriously! When I was down here, I dug a hole really deep to tunnel out, and that’s what… Y’know. But I struggled to get out of it when he caught me.”

“It could be a point of vulnerability,” The new boy nodded, “You’re right, that could work. But we need a way to get him in there. And… Well, keep him in there long enough.”

“What if they put the thing on the window in the hole?” The kid suggested.

“Yeah,” The baseball player nodded, “At an angle… That could probably get him stuck down there. Maybe even break his ankle if we’re lucky. And he has carpets, so the hole could be hidden in the meantime.”

“But wouldn’t that make it harder to get him stuck?” The new boy shook his head.

After a few moments, the paperboy sighed. “What if something tripped him and made him fall in?”

The new boy hesitated, “What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, I hid a cable, right in that wall over there.” He pointed to the wall opposite the bed, “If it’s set up a certain way, he’d surely fall in. But he’d probably have to be chasing his victim.”

“It could still work… I think. As long as whoever’s next thinks about it enough.”

“Yeah, if the next one hears it.” The paperboy said doubtfully. “What even really is the chance that someone hears it…?”

“Who knows?” The new boy shrugged, “But if there’s a chance someone does, we need to be prepared.”

Everyone was silent for a few moments as they all had a streak of hope in such a long time. All they really had to do was solidify their plan, and wait. It was simple enough. There was a reason they were all forced to be kept there, and this was why.

To break the pattern.

And to give that son of a bitch what he deserved.

»»——⍟——««

A few days in that basement felt like centuries. It was hardly tolerable, but the new boy had no other choice. Their only current option was to wait and get to know each other in that time. It sucked. Obviously. He couldn’t think of a situation that would suck any more than this. But, he was frankly just glad he wasn’t alone. He had four other people that had been through almost the exact same thing as him. And they all got along decently.

It could’ve been worse.

In the few days the new boy had been there, he noticed something… Crucial about the rockstar and the baseball player. Something he would’ve ignored under normal circumstances.

Those “normal circumstances” being if he didn’t think he was in love with his best friend when he was still alive.

The new boy and the baseball player found themselves in a rare moment of being alone together upstairs, watching the neighborhood from the window as everyone else was downstairs.

After many moments of hesitation, the new boy finally spoke.

“Hey um… I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“Yeah sure, what’s up?” The baseball player turned to him.

Taking a deep breath, he avoided eye contact. “So you and uh, rockstar… You guys are like, dating right?”

“Yeah…” He almost seemed scared to answer, “Why?”

“I-I’m not against it or anything, I promise it’s nothing like that.”

The baseball player seemed relieved by this, “Oh, cool.”

“I was just wondering… How did you know?”

“That I like guys?” He thought for a moment. “Well… I dunno. I mean, it all started when I first met him, I think. I noticed one day that he always had a bandana in his back left pocket. So I did some… Research… And figured out what it meant.”

“What does it mean?”

“It’s… Basically a discreet way of saying you’re queer.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. So I ended up making a move on him one day. Then we started sneaking out and seeing each other and… Yeah. We started dating. I never knew what it was about him. Everyone else was scared of him, y’know? But… He never scared me. I never feel threatened, and he makes me feel… Like nothing else matters. And I get this weird feeling in my stomach whenever I see him… I think, in your heart, deep down, you just know.”

The new boy was silent for a while, thinking as he looked out the window into the street. He knew this feeling all too well, and it made his heart feel heavy. The silence was only broken when the baseball player spoke again.

“Why do you ask?”

“...I think I’m queer too. I think… I was in love with my best friend.”

»»——⍟——««

A gust of both sadness and hope flew into the new boy’s soul when he heard that another person had been kidnapped, only a week after he had been. Everything in him was crushed and filled with despair when he saw who The Grabber’s next victim was, though. Everyone else noticed when he was at a full stop, watching the sixth victim sleep on the tattered mattress.

“Hey, what’s wrong…?” The baseball player slowly asked.

“It’s him… He fucking got Finn…”

By then, the new boy had told everyone about his best friend. The baseball player, though, was the only one who knew how much this guy actually meant to him.

At that moment, the new boy felt as if he had failed Finn. Sure, he technically didn’t know that he’d be next… And he had no way of warning him. Or protecting him. But something must’ve gone wrong somewhere, where he could’ve done something. Finn was terrified of the idea of The Grabber - he wouldn’t even speak the name - and he was cautious. Always.

So what could've happened in the time he was gone?

Had Finn grown careless or rebellious after his disappearance?

Without a second thought, the new boy picked up the phone and called. But, it seemed like Finn was deep asleep from whatever drugs The Grabber had been giving them all.

“We’ll try again.” The new boy said with a tremble in his voice. “We’ll try again when he’s awake.”

»»——⍟——««

After the last call, the new boy - Robin - was noticeably more quiet. He had to come to terms with the fact that this was the last conversation he’d ever have with Finn. And that this was the most closure either of them would ever get. It was fucking devastating. And all he could do was watch, and hope, and root for him.

Just as he told him to do, Finn practices for hours, and just as Robin promised, he never left his side. There were moments in those few days where he couldn’t bear to be down there in that basement while that… That man hurt him. As much as he did want to be there with him the entire time, he couldn’t just stand there and watch everything while being unable to stop it. It made him too angry. Too sad. It was too much - to go through it himself, and to watch the boy he fell for go through the same.

When that fight did finally end, Robin couldn’t be more proud of him.

Out of everyone there, he was so glad that Finn was the one to have not only survived, but killed that bastard.

It was all he could’ve hoped for.

All he could do now was follow Finn up the basement stairs and hope he’d finally be able to leave and follow his best friend to safety with the others following behind them.

Robin squinted at the light - which frankly, wasn’t even really bright, as it was still fall - but took a moment to adjust as he finally left the house. Though, he knew that everyone else was trapped in that place for much longer. Still, it was a lot to adjust to, even after two weeks.

Across the street, where The Grabber supposedly kept the bodies, police officers and EMT’s came out with stretchers that had full body bags on them. He had honestly expected to move onto whatever was next at that moment, but was too focused on Finn to listen to the conversation the others were having across the street. He only followed as Gwen and Finn were reunited.

Robin smiled very softly, his heart fluttering as he finally realized that Finn was safe from everything that happened within the last year. He didn’t have to worry anymore - the boy was able to take care of himself now, and that’s all he’s ever wanted since he realized he wasn’t leaving that basement alive.

He didn’t even realize he was starting to fade away until the kid spoke to him.

Robin wasn’t… Exactly fond of the fact he didn’t seem to have a choice in when his soul was going to move on. Even though Finn was safe, he still wanted to be there. He wanted to stay with his friend, just as his father had done in ‘Nam.

But making a fuss over it wasn’t going to change anything.

It was his time.

He hid this disdain he held as he said his goodbyes to the friends he’d made in the past two weeks. It was weird being the last to arrive and first to leave, but he was sure they’d be able to handle themselves now too, until it was time for all of them to leave.

And in a weird way, he’d miss them.

Robin went back to Finn in his last moments, watching him, remembering all the good times they had before this. All the years of friendship. He was sad he wasn’t able to see him grow more - that they wouldn’t be able to grow together. They wouldn’t be going into high school together, or graduate, or drink together for the first time.

But no matter what happened in the moments leading up to Finn’s own death, Robin would still wait with open arms. Even if he took another person to prom, or married someone else, or had his own kids. Even if he didn’t know the truth, and never would. Robin was okay with that. Or, at least, he knew he had to be.

“I love you, Finn.”

Chapter Index

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hmajorgirl · 4 months

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24 and a half <3

hi me from 3 years ago (ish) hi 20 year old me, this is 24 year old you speaking. there's 3 days till christmas and i'm typing on the couch of our (collective) first ever boyfriend's house. i bet you're very impressed, to be honest, this was a life event that i've given up on and to be extra honest, it has entirely consumed me for the last 6 months (with very minor exaggeration). and i've learned a lot about myself.

first things first though. i wanted to say hi and i wanted to say thank you. i think in life, and we know this because we are us, it can feel lonely. i feel like life is a very ruthless churn wheel that gives and takes people away. i keep hoping for them to stay, to last forever, friends lovers etc etc but no one really does. but you - you're here for good. me, i'm here for good and this post, you reaching out to me like that - same person, same person who is continually invested in us (it's getting a little meta) is here, i suddenly feel a wave of anti-loneliness. this past year has been me trying to change my life in the sense of me trying to be a better person for other people, trying to nurture good friendships into something great, and there's something comforting knowing that my rock, you/us/helen-next-year-and-ten-years-to-come will always be here, the girl always in my corner is you. i love you. forever, i've got you. we've got this <3 thanks for saying hi and future helen, hi :) i hope you're good, i love you, i have faith in you!!

ANYWAYs digression aside, what else has been going on in the world ever since 20 year old me? the pandemic finished, it's crazy to think but nothing really changed for good, we all went back to work -actually one thing is working from home. that's been very good. but no one wears masks anymore and try as i might to have spare hand sanitiser somewhere in my bag, i do not and i have regressed to a degenerate who sometimes eats with her bare hands without washing in urgently hungry situations. hmm what else, omg ai has developed, there's this thing called chatgpt and basically i'm just using it to help me find words that rhyme and write applications/cover letters and rephrase professional sentences but it's super useful and i do wonder when robots are going to overtake the world. oh btw, there's also a recession ongoing at the moment, people are getting fired, people are struggling to find jobs. it's a bit grim, there's a cost of living crisis but in spite of it all, people are still going to bars and having a blast on friday evenings (and sometimes i do this too - i went yesterday actually and beat my boyfriend at poole). i think that's all for the world updates. OMG ONE MORE THING. taylor swift is back, she's better and more successful than ever. she wasn't lying when she said she bounces back stronger than a 90s trend. she's also moved on from joe alwyn and that made us all believe in a hot minute that love wasn't real until she started dating travis kelce which also taught the whole damn world that the good kind of love, the right kind of love won't have to ask you to make sacrifices, they show up for you even in the hardest nights.

ANYWAYS, 20 year old Helen, I miss you, I know you had a lot of things against yourself but one thing I really love about you is your optimism, your general belief in the order of things and us, our potential. so here's the answer to all your crazy questions, i think we hoped for the best at that time but we weren't sure, maybe we didn't believe in ourselves a lot but actually, we did okay! and we're a work in progress. one thing is that i am growing up SO MUCH these days, i'm learning a lot about myself in terms of my self-esteem issues, in terms of how i want to be a friend and a person that i would want to love myself, what makes a good friend vs a great friend (someone who will give you their time regardless), what love is (always picking up the phone), how it comes in all shapes and forms (friendships, family), how i have the power to shape my life. On the other side I think we're a lot more grounded now, a few lessons we're learning today is that our voice is our power, i'm trying to voice my needs and opinions as much as possible and stay true to myself, i'm learning patience because good things take time, i'm learning how perfect gets in the way of good enough and really really great and also how it's achievable eventually (in my own defined way) but i have to work and have faith. i trust myself more, to take care of myself first but also i will always be my own failsafe, i trust myself and i am glad to have myself be the person there to pick me back up. I'm learning how to apply my pre-frontal cortex thinking, slowly but surely. i'm learning that in order to love you have to be vulnerable. i'm still trying to figure out how romantic relationships work, how love works, how to understand someone. so those are a few things i'm working on at the moment, i feel like i'm trying to make up for lost time with these intersocial skills, i'm healing a wound from childhood. i'm trying to take care of us, not just 20 year old us but also 10 year old us, 15 year old us. I also learned that you shouldn't make fun of people, the things they find good about life, the things they love, their excitement, you shouldn't rain on someone's parade ever.

OKAY to answer your q's:

I'm listening to ghost me by holly humberstone, our taste hasn't changed much and i wonder if it ever will. this year i met what feels like so many people who love the same music as me and i went to concerts with them! in reality it was just Leah, Shannon and Lauren, but still, I am so happy about this. I just realised in 5 years we're going to be 30 holy crap. i'm a bit scared as 24 year old helen to be honest - but 30 year old Helen how are you? :) I am excited to hear about your life, what are you listening to right now?

We talked about my relationship status, I have a boyfriend!! he's cute and tall and pretty and softly spoken and he's funny and he cares about me and he is super smart and goofy and weird sometimes and he kisses me randomly in the morning and strokes my hair when we watch tv, he's a good guy. we have an issue, i am a bit concerned he's in love with his ex but i think half of it is me overthinking - 30 year old Helen please feedback what happened with him? are you still together or are you with someone else? Are you single and hot and touring the world on your latest book tour? What's your relationship status, what have you learned about love? what's your outlook on finding someone now? ARE YOU STARTING A FAMILY? 20 year old me, you accused me of having self esteem issues - i totally agree with you and we're working on this :) it does affect my relationship though lmao the situation doesn't help.

Our grandma died a few months after you wrote that post and i think i am still grieving although it gets lighter with time. i'm not sure if grief ever leaves you, i miss her, i miss the childhood that i remember with her. i miss squeezing the wrinkles on her hands. i miss the way when she'd ask after me, i would be sick for some reason, it's like she always knew. but mostly i miss holding her small hand on walks, or peeling garlic with her in the kitchen, i miss loving her i think. there was a tenderness i felt with her, a kind of safety and peace that i don't feel anymore at home. i miss her so much. i am glad i got to have her for the time that i did. home isn't the same without her. everyone has processed their grief differently. i am lucky i still have most people around me. i want to spend more time with parents as much as i can. 30 year old me, how is the family? do you go on holidays with Lucy and Fran? are you doing all expenses paid trips with mum and dad? are you making sure you tell them you love them? are you making sure you are giving them your time, please look after them well, they raised you up so well, they worked so hard, please love them harder. are we better at showing it yet? if not, what's stopping you? i hope they are well and healthy.

i moved out. i'm living in london in Liz's flat and i am struggling with sharing 30 year old me DID YOU GET TO LIVE ALONE have you decorated your place exactly how you wanted it? did you have fun moving in, did you have fun matching furnitures and furnishings and making pinterest boards? do you own your place now or are you planning to buy and settle somewhere soon? WHERE ARE YOU BTW? i am excited to know hehe. did you manage to travel and live somewhere random for 6 months? did you work out so you have multiple homes in different locations that you are enamoured by?

funny thing is, i did end up working in consulting it's like marketing and basic basic data consulting and we are not enjoying it, but we found a strange kooky kind of family there, a bunch of asians and i think it's one of the first times in my life where i felt like i belonged to a social strata, it's healing. we had a crush on one of them at 23 but he was weird. we're all eating together next week, Michael's making food for Abi and I! 30 year old me - what happened to these guys, are we still in touch? i'm not too sure but i hope you found a good group of fun friends to hang with. Career-wise i just finished a course to become a designer. I KNOW I CONCEEDED, ya girl is GOING TO DO SOMETHING CREATIVE. 30 year old me - miss SNR DESIGNER, are you lecturing? did you go back and do a masters like you wanted to? are you speaking at conferences on best design practices? are you building products you believe in and if not why not? what are you doing now career wise and are you enjoying it? is it giving you a greater purpose? are you proud? 20 year old me, i think you'll be proud of me to be honest, i did end up being a marketing hoe in a fancy ass office building and i am SERVING work fits in the office. we did it, let's do some more :) and you'll be even prouder to know that i have made a few more serious attempts to start writing, i got a scholarship on a writing course this year that i did not complete but tbc, i want to focus on this area of my life for sure going forwards, i am excited. 30 year old Helen - what are you writing about? is it non-fiction, fiction? how has your writing style changed? what's your process like? do you read? what do you like to read nowadays? right now i am building a reading app and i still haven't hit my goodreads targets but i'm doing okay!! i read on and off and i'm proud that i've kind of picked it back up and we're moving forwards! i am rich enough to do weekly spin/pilates sessions, my relationship means i don't want to spend extra time doing this stuff but I NEED TO. i must, i am struggling, 30 year old me, did you manage to sort this out? please be hot and fit and healthy, please make me proud, to be honest i have faith in myself, but 30 year old me, how did i do? and how can we do better? :) are we taking therapy now? because we tried that for a hot minute but we were too poor to continue. drones are still not really a thing. I went with Elizabeth to spain this year and saw a need side to her. i haven't seen Jason since uni. I've spoke to chloe less and less since she's got a boyfriend. I call Jen and Michelle and Taiga a lot these days, i think they'll be around for a long time :) how are they? how's Abi? how's Shannon? any new friends?

OMG THE GUY, he was not over his ex and he broke up with you, i really hope 30 year old us has more perspective but i hope it doesn't end the same with this guy. but he was not the one for you HONEY. you live, you learn, you do better. :)

i cook a little now, could be healthier and i am SO EXCITED TO HAVE OUR OWN POTS AND PANS AND PLATE COLLECTIONS IN OUR OWN PLACE, 30 year old me - please describe our aesthetic kitchen set up and the scrumptious meals you make for candlelit dinners <3

i just took an enneagram test i am still 9 and then 2 as fuck but closely followed by 3 :) to be honest i think these are not super bad traits but i am more honest about how i am a slight pushover so 30 year old me are we a 1/3 through and through? i think i am a 1 or a 4 at heart to be honest, let me know your results.

i write songs and i sing a bit better, do we still do this later? no kids, 2.3k monthly salary post tax, wbu 30 Helen? have we made 6 figures yet? :) I started dancing this year! planning to keep going next year, i;m not great but i really love it. it made me feel a live again, hbu 30 year old Helen? do you dance? are you finally good at it?

I do still make spotify playlists AND instagram highlights WITH MY ENTIRE LIFE in it. hbu 30 year old helen? what are our latest themes? are we recording our life in any other way? my spotify playlists are not so theme based i think i grew out of it i don't have the time and it's less fun when you don't have an ex potentially stalking your profile. but we categorise it by month and we are SO FREAKING PROUD of it.

TV series I love: scorpion, omg singles inferno, buccaneers, rick and morty, discovered parks and recreation it was insane and brooklyn 999 but will always ALWAYS be a hoe for new girl, it has my heart. but to be honest i don't watch a lot of TV anymore I am really into Ali Abdaal's podcast and i'm trying to watch productive youtube videos and read when i eat ofc a lot of the times this doesn't happen. How are you entertaining yourself 30 year old Helen? did you build healthier habits? do you have a consistent morning/evening routine?

I have 40 followers on my private ig. hbu 30 year old Helen? how many detoxes did you do? are you still posting your thoughts? are there people on there that you don't speak to now?

Funnily enough I am speaking to jen and Michelle and taiga on facebook, hbu?

you had a lot of questions for me 20 year old Helen and I love you for that but I am also very tired to keep going back and forth so let me try my best to answer everything in my next paragraph and I'll cover all the bases in my life too. screenwriting has been vetoed as a pipe dream, you are right i did become more realistic but this has also helped me to see things clearer and evaluate what i want and who i want to be and what i want to do with this limited time, we have arrived at writing, designing, teaching and being a good person who applies herself as much as possible, who is always true to her authentic self. we are kinder to ourselves and more forgiving when we mess up and we're still messing up but now we're learning from it more because we're not afraid anymore. i am trying to carry less shame with me and this comes with brutal honesty for everyone, i've also realised that some shame is not for me to carry, some trauma may impact me but it belongs to other people and i am blaming myself less. i am writing a little, i've paused but my heart is tied to it, i will do it - 30 year old me, did i do it? ARE WE PUBLISHED?? are we good? did we take our parents to duck and waffle? logistically this wouldn't really make sense but i hope you paid a shit tonne of money when you're rich to show them that their daughter made it, pride is everything to a parent - it's something that I want to give to them. i know they are proud already, but i want to give back to them something tangible that they can hold on to. i want to act in love. i want to celebrate the very act of existing.

do we have mentors? are we mentoring people? how did we meet these people? how have they helped us in our career and life and relationships? are we healthy? are we happy? are we still trying? do you have a grand plan, a vision, something you are entirely excited about and pouring your entire soul into? are you enjoying the small moments in life? are you calling your friends are telling you you love them? are you calling your parents? do you have someone you love? do you tell it to them enough? are you celebrating yourself? are you having good birthdays? are you in love with life? what do you love about it these days? i'm always in the process of falling in and out of love with life but recently i went to Elliot's to see Jay and his girlfriend and i walked to borough and the people there, the scene, the life itself they were all breathing, made me fall completely head over heels in love all over again. life makes life after all - please touch it as much as possible, play with it and mould it, feel, feel things and be honest about them. are you still a romantic realist? are you still an optimist? i fucking hope so because the world is too miserable to live as a cynic. do you use your words wisely? do you mean them? are you shouting these days?

i love you, i hope you're loving yourself, i know you do actually. let's rephrase, how do you love yourself these days?

last note to 30 year old Helen:

you seem old and far away but I'm sure that when i get to you you won't feel that much different, but I hope you've changed a lot for the better. I hope you're still changing for the better. I know I get to choose a version of you based on my actions today. I know what I want, what I can give to us. wish me luck, i hope you don't blame me. what do you think of me? did i try my best? i'll try my best - i'm a little scared to be honest but i have faith in the universe. i really do.

so... how are we doing? :)

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darkdragon768 · 7 months

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Pokémon and its in-game possibilities are so funny.

Ok, listen. So I've checked out these soft lock picking videos I've read about in a different thread and in one video they talk about some absurd chances of stuff happening in-game.

For example, in the earlier games (gen 2 - 5) there was a shiny chance of 1:8192. Sounds quite a lot to you? Oh you fool.

The soft lock the video was talking about was about some awful coding in r/b/y. [TL;DR at the end]

You had to take a fighting or poison type pokemon with you that could only use the move rage (he used a primeape with rage being the only attack with full pp left. The games hadn't had move deleters back then so he had to put the other moves down to 0 pp). This will also be the only pokemon you'll have with you.

Now you enter the first room of the elite four and save. This makes you unable to escape.

Lorelei, the first elite four member, sends in a dewgong and thanks to the coding preferring type super effective moves it'll use rest (a psychic move, which would be very effective against fighting and poison types), a move that makes the pokemon fall asleep and regain health, infinitely. Infinitely because the opponents pokemon don't use up pp.

Alright, now to the move rage. In gen 1 rage was used infinitely too. It'll continue attacking until the attacking pokemon faints or the battle ends. And it's not using any pp too, unless it misses first turn.

Maybe you can already tell what'll happen. Rage will go on forever as it'll never deal enough damage to knock dewgong out as it'll always heal itself forever.

TL;DR: A primeape that'll use rage infinitely against a dewgong that'll use rest infinitely.

A never ending circle, right? Well, there IS a way to break it. It's just very very low. You can escape the elite four room by fainting. But for this to happen rage has to miss 20 times in a row. And that possiblity is immensely low:

Look at all those zeros! It is more likely to get 12 shinies in a row!

Now you may think "Wow, I don't think this can get any worse!" Oh boy you're so wrong.

There's a thing that's even MORE unlikely to happen! A very specific Spinda!

Spindas are panda like pokemon that each have two different located spots. It is immensely unlikely to find two look-alikes: with a possibility of only 1:4,294,967,296. Now we can make this number go even higher by including shiny, same nature, hidden ability, perfect IVs and horde encounter chances.

This kind redditor did the math for us:

Including this reddit post as it'd be too complicated for me to rephrase it here.

This chance is even worse. Just look at it.

Anyway, I think this is pretty funny. You think you've got a lot of luck? Well, try this out then!

#dragon's stupid thoughts #pokémon #pokemon #i love this kinda stuff so much #just this absurdity #i wonder if it's ever possible to record this possibility being done #even with computers/ai or TAS it'd take so long (if you're unlucky)

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kpopfanfictrash · 3 years

Text

Raise the Barre (Ch. 7)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: Jimin / Reader

Rating: 18+ (Eventual Smut)

Genre: Enemies to Lovers / Dance Academy!AU

Warnings: mention of vomit, intense physical training, blood blisters

Word Count: 6,829

Summary: You and Park Jimin have been rivals for as long as you’ve known one another; ever since he tripped you in the front row of your first dance convention. When you graduate from high school and enter Russet Ballet Academy, you tell yourself you’re leaving all past quarrels behind. The main problem with this though, is that your past seems determined not to leave you alone.

Worse still, the obstacles you face while out in the real world might prove more challenging than anything your enemy has to offer.

Fifteen minutes later, Jimin pulled to a stop at the edge of the curb.

Stepping from the sidewalk, you hastened to the passenger side and opened the door. Your wait had mostly been uneventful, but you hated standing alone in the dark for any longer than necessary. Sliding into the passenger seat, you pulled the door shut and turned sideways to face him.

“Thanks,” you exhaled, seeing him for the first time tonight.

Jimin looked sleepy, as though your call had woken him up – which it probably had, since it was near 1:30 AM. Yesterday when you spoke, Jimin had said he planned on going to bed early. He was dressed in what Noelle would’ve called a groutfit – grey sweats, grey hoodie and silver-framed glasses. You blinked at these, not having realized Jimin wore contacts.

“No problem.” Jimin stifled a yawn. “Seat belt.”

“Huh?”

“Put on your seat belt.” He nodded at the strap by your side.

“Oh – right.” Hastily, you pulled this across your chest. “Thanks.”

Silence fell as you did, the awkwardness increasing with each passing second. Usually, you were better about things like car safety, but everything about this moment felt surreal. Jimin had given you his number barely twenty-four hours prior – you highly doubted this was what he had in mind when he said he’d call.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted, unsure what to do.

Jimin’s lips twitched. “It’s fine, Y/N.”

Glancing his way, you found Jimin’s profile dimly lit by the streetlights. He sat spread-legged in the driver’s seat; one hand placed casually on the shift. When he caught you looking, Jimin arched a brow and shifted the car into drive.

Pulling from the curb, he merged into traffic headed away from the club. As the bright lights of Excelsior disappeared into the rearview mirror, the cars on the road became few and far between. You drove in silence, city lights striping Jimin’s profile in black and white.

Finally, he cleared his throat. “Is everything okay?” Jimin asked, too casual to be normal.

It took you a moment to answer.

Usually, you would’ve responded yes even if it weren’t the case, since no one truly wanted to hear about your problems. Asking someone how are you? in the city was the same as a nod hello. It wasn’t genuine interest in another person’s well-being.

Tonight though, your usual responses caught in your throat. Tonight, you felt tired, frayed and dangerously thin at the seams.

Everything was not okay, and you weren’t sure how to say otherwise. Your usual walls had been torn, leaving you with this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your fight with Finn had been a big one, even worse than the argument a few weeks ago.

Still, Jimin was a newer friend to you – if you could even call him that. It wasn’t fair to unload all your problems on him. Especially at such a late hour and especially not when he was the one doing you a favor.

“Yeah,” you said at last. “Everything’s fine.”

Jimin paused, as though he knew this to be bullshit.

“Let me rephrase,” he said, shifting in his seat. “Anyone’s ass I should kick?”

You laughed a little, surprised by his threat. “No, no,” you said, shaking your head. “Nothing like that.”

“Good.” Jimin’s smile faded. “So, what happened then? How’d you get stranded?”

He didn’t ask why you called him, but the implication was clear in his voice. Honestly, it was a question you had no good answer to. All you knew was when you were standing on the curb, staring at your phone and wondering who to call, Jimin was one of the first people to pop into your mind.

“I was out with my boyfriend,” you sighed. “I said I’d go to the club with him and his friends, but it got late and we have class tomorrow, so I told Finn I wanted to leave. He… didn’t.” Pausing, you swallowed. “I ended up leaving, but I didn’t realize the trains had stopped running. Uber surcharge was ridiculous, too.”

“Oh.” Jimin’s grip on the wheel tightened.

“Anyways.” You slouched lower in his seat. “You’re the only person I know with a car, so…”

“Ah. Right.”

Curious, you glanced sideways. Although Jimin was responding in one-word answers, they seemed somehow loaded, as though they contained hidden meaning. Even his profile seemed cautious, full of a tension you couldn’t quite place.

Jimin frowned. “Your boyfriend just… let you leave like that?”

“He didn’t let me,” you said as you straightened. “I can make my own decisions, Park.”

“I know, I just…”

“You just what, Park? Spit it out.”

“I don’t know.” Jimin shrugged. “It just seems kind of cold. That’s all.”

“Yeah, well.” Truth be told, it seemed cold to you, too. “I’m not exactly… thrilled with the situation, either. He turned off his phone,” you muttered, turning to face the window.

In the reflection, you saw Jimin grimace.

“Sorry,” he said quietly.

“What for?”

“That just sucks, that’s all.”

“Yeah. It does suck.”

Jimin made an indiscernible noise of agreement before lapsing into silence.

It was strange to be in a car with him at this late an hour; oddly intimate for a multitude of reasons you pushed aside.

The last time you’d seen Jimin dressed so casually had been when you walked in on him with Sabrina. It had been nearly a month since then, but you hadn’t heard any gossip of them being together on campus.

Maybe this was something you could’ve asked Jimin, but it wasn’t like you had that type of relationship. Sure, you were ballet partners and sure, you’d been getting along lately, but you didn’t usually interact outside of class. Yet another line you’d crossed by calling Jimin tonight.

Thus far, you’d mostly managed to keep Finn and Russet separate. Noelle had met Finn a couple of times – you’d gone to dinner once and gotten coffee together another time, but otherwise, nothing. Finn wouldn’t have wanted to come to one of your Grace Hall rom-com marathons or take a pilates class on Sunday morning.

Mixing personal life and dance felt strange to you, as though two separate halves of yourself were colliding. It was odd to see Jimin outside of Russet’s walls. He seemed more at ease in his car, like the lines of him had blurred more from dancer to person.

Something about the nighttime made things seem fuzzier. Tired from the day and just beginning to thaw from the cold, you found your lips and mind looser than usual.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Jimin said, interrupting the silence. “But I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend.”

With a humorless sort of laugh, you turned to face him. “Yeah, well. I do.”

“Huh.”

Hearing his skepticism, you insisted, “I do!”

“I believe you!” Jimin chuckled. He paused. “Is it new, then? I don’t remember anyone coming to watch your dance competitions in high school.”

Warmth spread through your body, realizing Jimin must’ve kept tabs. He’d watched you at dance competitions. He knew your usual crowd of supporters.

“Finn isn’t new,” you said slowly. “He just didn’t come to a lot of competitions. They got repetitive, you know? Lots of waiting around for three minutes of watching me dance.”

“I guess.” Jimin shrugged. “I used to go to my ex’s tennis tournaments all the time, though. That was the same thing, except no AC.”

“Right,” you laughed. “You’re right, at least our competitions had air conditioning.”

Jimin turned on his blinker to switch lanes. Pulling onto a side street, he glanced in the rearview mirror. Another moment passed, and then –

“We broke up before college.”

Surprised, you glanced in his direction. “Oh. Okay.”

You stared at his profile, wondering if you were supposed to say something more. You could think of many questions to ask, but they didn’t seem appropriate coming from you. You hadn’t realized Jimin was dating someone in high school – although, come to think of it, you did seem to remember a blonde girl cheering for him in the audience at Applause Dance Competition.

“It seemed like time,” Jimin continued quietly. “She went to a school across the country and we just never assumed we’d stay together. That sounds bad,” he said with a half-laugh. “I kind of figured though, if we were meant to be, we’d figure it out. The fact that we didn’t try spoke volumes.”

“That makes sense. Honestly,” you said with a sigh. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if me and Finn had been long distance.”

As soon as the words left your lips, you blinked. The statement hung before you in mid-air, forcing you to consider it for the first time.

This wasn’t something you’d allowed yourself to imagine before; what would’ve happened if you’d gone to a different school. Going to college so close to Finn had just seemed like a sign. You didn’t have the college break-up talk because you’d simply assumed you didn’t need to.

“Yeah.” Jimin sighed. “It’s hard, right? Everything is changing so quickly. You want things to stay the same, but isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Change. Grow. I don’t know.” He shook his head. “Everyone keeps telling me change isn’t a bad thing.”

“Sure seems like it, sometimes,” you said softly.

Jimin nodded. After a moment, he reached out for the stereo. A familiar song filled his car and something uncertain unfurled in your stomach. You weren’t sure what you were even talking about anymore – change was a dangerous topic without Finn around.

When the chorus of the song kicked in, you smiled.

“I love this song,” you said, turning to Jimin. “I almost choreographed my solo to it senior year.”

“Really?” Jimin glanced at you in surprise. “Same.”

“No way!” you laughed. “Wow – that would’ve been awkward. Imagine if we’d both had the same solo.”

“It would’ve made us even more competitive.”

“Not possible.”

“You’re probably right.” Jimin smiled. “We were really at each other’s throats for a while, weren’t we?”

“Yeah, we were.”

Settling back in your seat, you couldn’t help but frown.

Something about this statement bothered you, although you couldn’t put a finger on what. Maybe it was what Jimin had said yesterday about your mutual competition pushing each other forward. Maybe it had something to do with that night in Danley Hall, when Jimin stopped by and said he loved watching you dance.

If you really stopped and thought about it, Jimin was the sole constant in your dancing career. Every year, at every dance competition, you’d make sure you were available to watch Jimin’s solo. You told yourself this was because he was your competition but really, you just loved watching him dance.

You could remember the cool air of the theatre as you snuck in, sinking into a plush, velvet chair and hoping you wouldn’t be seen. You’d loved watching Jimin near the front, close enough to see his facial expressions but not close enough to be seen from the stage.

If your solos were close to one another in timing, you tended to watch Jimin from the wings. This had been a different kind of intimacy, hidden behind the first leg while you watched him dance. Lights dim, you recalled Jimin’s silhouette while he would walk to center. The opening notes of his music would sound, and you’d stifle a shiver while you watched him, entranced.

As it turned out, Jimin had been watching your solos as well, but you hadn’t known this for some time. Not until he’d told you the other night.

Suddenly, you turned in your seat. “You know I think you’re talented, right?” you blurted. “There was a reason I was always trying to beat you.”

Jimin’s brows shot up so high, they nearly met his hairline.

“I – uh, no,” he said. “You’ve never said that to me before. In fact, you kind of said the opposite. You told me the only reason I won was because I’m a guy.”

Hearing your words thrown back in your face, heat began to creep up your neck.

“Listen, about that –”

“I’m kidding.” Jimin shot you a smile. “It’s fine, Y/N.”

“I – okay.”

“Look, I know men have an advantage in the dance world.” Returning his gaze to the road, Jimin’s smile disappeared. “I’m not dumb. I know we have higher centers of gravity, and all that. It’s just… you’re also talented, Y/N. People love to watch you dance, myself included. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Staring at him over the console, you felt oddly moved by this speech.

It was strange; many people in your life had called you talented. Your parents, your teachers and Finn, of course. Each of those compliments had meant something to you, but this one felt different. It felt different coming from Jimin – more important, somehow.

Maybe it was because you admired him most of all. The realization didn’t shock you as much as it probably should’ve.

“Thanks,” you said quietly.

Jimin nodded, continuing to scan the road. His car was clean, you realized as you glanced around. There were no water bottles on the floor, no napkins hastily stuffed into the glove compartment. The only sign of being lived-in was a keychain dangling over the dashboard; a small, plastic photo frame with two people inside.

“My parents,” Jimin explained, noticing where you looked.

“Oh,” you said, bending a bit closer. “They look nice.”

He laughed, unable to help it. “I’ve always thought so. My dad is the one who encouraged me to be a dancer, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Fondly, Jimin smiled. “He’s always loved music. When I was a baby, he loved to hold me and jump around the living room to songs on the radio. My mom has tons of videos of it.”

You smiled at the image. “That sounds adorable.”

“And embarrassing. My dad’s not that great a dancer.”

Without meaning to, you snorted.

Hearing this, Jimin’s smile widened. “When I started memorizing all the dances I saw on TV, my dad convinced my mom to put me in classes. Things kind of spiraled from there.”

“That’s nice,” you said, settling down in his seat. “My parents have always been my biggest supporters, too.”

Jimin nodded, about to respond but then a blast of AC hit you and you shivered. You’d nearly forgotten what you were wearing – or more accurately, what you weren’t wearing. The thin tank top you had on did little to hide the bare skin underneath.

Jimin’s gaze darted sideways. “Are you cold?” he asked, reaching out for the heat. “You can have my hoodie in the backseat, if you want.”

“Oh. No, that’s okay.” Hastily, you untied your cardigan from around your waist. “I have this,” you said, sliding both arms into the sleeves. “Completely forgot about it.”

Silently, Jimin nodded – and then his lips twitched.

“What?” you demanded.

“Nothing!” He shook his head, fighting to keep his face even. “It’s just… you wore a cardigan out to the club?”

Glancing down, you felt your cheeks begin to heat again. “Yes,” you said, somewhat defensive as you looked up. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing. It’s just, you know.” He paused. “My grandma has that sweater.”

“Well, your grandma sounds like a cool lady.”

“Without a doubt,” Jimin assured. “Not much of a clubber, though.”

Leaning your head to the window, you smiled. “That makes two of us then.”

You knew the city well enough by now to recognize you were only a few blocks from Grace Hall. Somehow, you found yourself not wanting the car ride to end. Talking to Jimin outside of dance practice was nice – even fun, you realized with some surprise.

It was a shame it’d taken you so long to recognize this.

“Seriously, though.” Jimin laughed. “Clubs can be a good time! There’s dancing, there’s music… rumor has it you like dancing.”

“Not that kind of dancing,” you sighed. “That kind of dancing is just a dry version of a lap dance for people who don’t know what to do with their hips.”

Jimin hid behind a smile. “Ouch, on behalf of your boyfriend.”

“Oh!” Straightening, you glanced at him in alarm. “That’s not – I didn’t mean…”

Stricken, you realized the obviousness of what you had said. Forget about your face heating, your entire body felt like an inferno. You had just told Jimin, in so many words, that Finn didn’t know what to do with his hips.

Jimin waved this admission aside. “Don’t worry about it, Y/N. I’ll forget what I heard the instant I get home. Up until tonight, I didn’t know the guy existed, right?”

“Right,” you agreed, settling back in your seat.

Rather than reassure you, this only gave you further pause.

It didn’t seem possible Jimin hadn’t known about Finn. Racking your brains, you tried to think of a time they would’ve crossed paths – only to come up short. Finn hadn’t ever stopped by the studio to pick you up, he hadn’t ever come to mutual hangouts with your Russet friends. Admittedly, Jimin had only recently started attending the same ones as you, but it still seemed unthinkable.

You and Finn had been dating for over two years. Finn’s name should have come up at some point and yet, it hadn’t.

Before you could respond, Jimin pulled to a stop outside your dorm. Glancing over the console, he smiled and again, you were struck by the image.

With his grey sweats, mussed hair and those glasses – you swallowed. It was a side of Jimin you hadn’t seen and something about the visual made your stomach lurch. Before you could launch into full-blown panic, Jimin raised a brow.

“Here you are,” he said with a grandiose wave. “Home sweet home.”

Glancing past him, you took in the steps of Grace Hall.

“Thanks,” you said, pushing open the door. Before exiting the car, you paused and looking over your shoulder. “Seriously, Jimin, thank you. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten home without you.”

In the darkness, you saw his expression soften.

“Anytime,” Jimin said.

You could tell he meant it. There was something to his gaze which made you nod. Jimin wasn’t the type to mince words or say things he didn’t mean. Just like when he said he loved your dancing, you knew Jimin was telling the truth. When he said anytime, he meant it.

Nodding, you resumed exiting the car. Waving goodbye, you stood on the curb until he was out of sight.

Once Jimin disappeared, you sighed and turned towards the building. Grace Hall was silent this late at night – it was nearly 2:00 AM and again, you were thankful Jimin had answered his phone. As you let yourself in and climbed the steps to your room, your thoughts began to race with all the what-ifs.

What-if Jimin hadn’t answered, what-if you’d had to walk home alone, or walk to find a cab. Pressing your eyes shut, you shooed these thoughts away. None of that had actually happened, so it wasn’t worth worrying about.

As soon as you got upstairs, you stepped in the shower – the stickiness of that girl’s drink continued to linger on your skin. After changing into fresh pajamas and brushing your teeth, you wearily climbed into bed. The last thing you did before falling asleep was call Finn again in case he’d returned home.

His phone went straight to voicemail though and, with a sinking stomach, you rolled over in bed and turned off the light.

After sleeping until the last possible moment, you managed to roll yourself out of bed around seven the next morning. This only left fifteen minutes before you needed to leave and even then, you felt like a zombie as you rushed out the door.

Grabbing coffee at the place down the street, you and Noelle entered class with barely ten minutes to spare. Jimin was already present but he was talking to Louis, so you stuck to your side and didn’t interrupt. You wanted to thank him again for his help, but all this flew out the window when a familiar woman followed Mr. Vlad into the classroom.

“Class.” Mr. Vlad set his things down by the window. “You remember Anna Hodelle, I presume – principal dancer at the New York City Ballet. She’s in town for a different master class and has graciously agreed to lead ballet this morning.”

The news was simultaneously exciting and nerve-wracking. Anna had taught a master class several weeks prior which left you sore for days following. Her classes were exciting though, and she was Anna Hodelle, one of the youngest principal dancers for the New York City Ballet in at least forty years – so there was that.

Her introduction didn’t require any response. Scrambling into place at the barre, the class waited while Anna shed her warm-ups and Mr. Vlad left the room. As soon as the music began, you found yourself grateful you hadn’t drunk the night prior.

Similar to her last master class, you found Miss Anna relentless in her pursuit of perfection. Her expectations were high and as a result, everyone gave their best effort – and then some. By the time you broke for water, no less than three students had already run for the bathroom.

It wasn’t pretty, but vomiting was something which happened with dance. Class could be such a grueling workout that occasionally, younger students pushed themselves past their limits. If you ate a big meal before practice, it was increasingly likely you might throw it up after.

You could count on two hands the number of times this had happened to you in high school. There had been some days you practiced so hard, sweat ran down your forehead and blinded your vision. On other days, the floor was so slippery, your bare feet couldn’t grasp the floorboards. Dance, despite being hailed for grace and glamour, tended to be exactly the opposite.

One of your teachers used to say you weren’t using your muscles if they weren’t shaking by the end. Ballerinas were seen as delicate, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Ballet only looked effortless – this was a carefully cultivated image for the audience. At all times, all muscles in a ballerina’s body were engaged, yet even when sweat dripped down her brow, she had to smile.

You’d seen dancers finish their combination, give a sweeping bow, walk gracefully offstage and vomit into the nearest trash can. Everything was for show, everything was for the audience – one of your favorite parts about dance was knowing the brutal behind-the-scenes effort everything took. It made you appreciate the final product all the more.

By the end of class you were exhausted but happy, wiping sweat from your brow while you applauded the teacher. After Anna’s dismissal, you immediately exhaled and trudged towards your bag. Noelle chattered on about a TV show you were watching, reminding you to catch up before Monday.

As you picked up your bag, you felt its front pocket vibrate. Fishing inside for your phone, you pulled this out and felt your eyes widen.

Five missed calls and eight missed texts. Once you opened your phone, you saw they were all from Finn.

Finn: hey [8:18 AM]

Finn: Y/N, I’m so sorry [8:19 AM]

Finn: I don’t know if you’re ignoring me because you’re angry, or if you’re in class right now [8:25 AM]

Finn: you’re probably in class [8:30 AM]

Finn: if you’re not though, please call me back [8:31 AM]

Finn: fuck [9:01 AM]

Finn: I was such an ass last night, Y/N. I’m sorry [9:03 AM]

Finn: … please call me [9:35 AM]

With each text you read, you felt your heart sink. Up until this point, you’d gotten through class by pretending last night hadn’t happened. Now though, you were forced to remember every detail of the night prior.

Finn had left you at the club.

He’d stormed away from your fight, turned off his phone and left you alone. Each time you remembered the night, your fury only grew. This morning when you woke, you’d still been pissed off – even more so, when you turned on your phone and saw zero texts from Finn.

Had your roles been reversed, you never would’ve done the same to him. Sure, it had been a bad fight but who did that? Just took off in the middle of a conversation and shut everything down. The worst part was him turning off his phone. As soon as things didn’t go as planned, Finn simply washed his hands of you.

That was what hurt most of all, the shame burrowing deep into the crevices of your heart.

Beneath everything was a strange twinge of guilt at having called Jimin to pick you up. This was easily brushed aside, though – Finn had left you stranded. If anyone had a right to be mad here, it was you.

“Y/N? You okay?”

Noelle’s voice pulled you from your reverie. Blinking, you lowered your phone and realized you were alone. The rest of the room had cleared out after class – this probably wasn’t the first time Noelle had said your name.

“Shit, sorry!” Hastily, you shoved your phone in your bag. “Yeah… yeah, everything’s fine.”

Noelle gave you a look. “Really?”

After a moment, you sighed. “No,” you said, turning to walk towards the door. “Why pretend? It’s Finn.”

Following you from the classroom, Noelle fell into step alongside you.

“He’s not hurt, is he?” she said carefully.

“Unfortunately, not.”

Noelle snorted. “Okay, so he’s in the doghouse.”

“Yep.”

“Want to talk about it?”

At the top of the stairs, you paused. “Finn and I got in a fight last night,” you admitted. “He wanted to stay at the club, and I wanted to go home – so he told me to leave. I did, but then I realized I had no way to get there.”

Noelle’s mouth dropped. “Are you fucking kidding me? He just… left you there? Wow. The next time I see your ‘boyfriend,’ I’m going to – wait,” she said, pulling up short. “How did you get home, then?”

“I – uh, well… Jimin picked me up.”

Noelle stared at you a moment longer. “Huh. Didn’t expect that.”

“Neither did I,” you said, beginning to walk down the stairs. “Finn turned his cell phone off, so I couldn’t get ahold of him and by then, the trains stopped running. Uber was surging and Jimin is the only person I know with a car, so…”

“Ah, gotcha. That makes sense.” Noelle nodded. “Nice of him to come get you.”

“Yeah, it was nice. Anyways, Finn’s been texting me all morning.”

“Oh!” Noelle groaned. “That was your phone! I kept hearing something vibrating while I was waiting to go across the floor.”

“Yep, that was him,” you said glumly. “Apparently he’s sorry.”

“Of course, he is.”

“He said he was an ass last night.”

“Of course, he did.”

“… I’m still pissed at him.”

“Of course, you are!” Noelle cried, slinging an arm around your shoulder. “Listen, tell him you got home alright – not that he deserves that much, mind you – but you need some time to cool off. He can wait until you’re ready to talk, right?”

Nodding, you saw sense in what she was saying. “You’re right.”

Despite Noelle making sense though, part of you didn’t want to wait.

Part of you wanted to call Finn back right now and give him a piece of your mind, but you knew if you did that, things wouldn’t end well. He deserved to be cussed out, but you were completely exhausted. The idea of fighting with your boyfriend left you feeling drained.

Noelle was right – Finn could wait until you were ready to talk, whenever that was.

Pulling out your phone a second time, you texted Finn you were safe and that you’d talk when you were ready. Once he responded okay, you shoved your phone in your pocket.

Noelle looked sympathetically on. “Why don’t we have a girl’s night?” she said, arm back around your shoulder. “We can invite Irene and Ari and just watch dumb movies and eat brownie batter in fancy lingerie. You know, like every guy’s sleepover porn fantasy.”

You couldn’t help it, you laughed. “Sounds like a plan,” you said with a grin. “God, what would I do without you?”

“Be super bored, probably.”

You snorted, but the thought stuck in your mind as you left the building. It really would be awful without Noelle by your side. Without meaning to, your thoughts strayed to Sabrina. Aside from Katie and Allison, you had no idea who she hung out with.

It had to be lonely for someone like her. Russet was intense enough without a support system. You quickly pushed these feelings aside – even if Sabrina was lonely, she had no one to blame but herself. You’d offered the olive branch enough times by now to know when to stop.

“I guess only one question remains,” you said slowly.

Noelle glanced your way. “Oh, yeah? What?”

“How dumb are the dumb movies we’re watching? Like, From Justin to Kelly dumb – where it’s a guilty pleasure? Or, more like The Kissing Booth dumb – where things are just bad dumb.”

“Why choose?” Noelle shrugged. “Let’s do both!”

“Deal!”

As you climbed the steps to Grace Hall, you continued to ignore Finn’s texts in your bag. He could wait until tomorrow, at least. After what he put you through, a single night of not knowing what you were thinking seemed appropriate.

When you finally gave in and called Finn the next day, you weren’t sure what you were hoping for. Finn had already texted his apology, so at least he knew he’d been in the wrong. As to what degree he was aware, you didn’t know, but you got a fairly good idea once he picked up the phone.

Short answer: very wrong.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Finn blurted, as though afraid you might cut him off. “I was such an ass to you Friday night. I – I don’t even know what to say. I don’t even know where to start. I fucked up so bad, Y/N and I’m sorry.”

Silence followed this outburst as you frowned, leaning back on the bed.

Noelle had graciously left the room to study at the coffee shop on the corner. Secretly, you knew this was mostly to flirt with the barista, Namjoon, but you couldn’t begrudge her for that. Namjoon did have the most adorable dimples you’d ever seen.

Focusing your thoughts on Finn, you played with a stray thread of your sheets. “I mean… that’s a good start, I guess,” you muttered. “But what are you really sorry for, Finn?”

His sigh was soft. “Everything.”

“Specifics would be good.”

“I was drunk,” he exhaled. “That’s not an excuse, but… I honestly don’t remember everything that I said to you. I remember the gist of it though, and I know it was terrible. I know you didn’t deserve it.”

You remained silent, even though you agreed with him.

“I wanted to stay out,” he continued. “That doesn’t really matter, though. I was a dick. I was stubborn and angry, and I took that out on you. You’re the last person I would ever want to hurt, and I just… I left you. Something could’ve happened to you. God, if something had happened, Y/N…”

Finn trailed off and you heard his voice crack but forced yourself to stay silent. Hearing him break was hard, but you reminded yourself what you’d felt Friday night – all the anger and terror when he completely disappeared.

This memory hardened you enough not to melt at his apology.

“Yeah, well,” you said tightly. “You’re right – something could’ve happened. The trains weren’t running and Uber was crazy expensive. I couldn’t get back in the club. I ended up waiting outside for nearly twenty minutes before someone came to pick me up.”

“Fuck.” Finn sounded strangled. “Fuck… Y/N, I’m sorry…”

In your mind, you envisioned him shoving a hand through his hair. Finn did that when he was stressed or upset and right now, he sounded a little of both.

“Yeah.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Who picked you up?”

Immediately, you stiffened. “Do you seriously think you deserve an answer to that?”

“No, no, I – you’re right, it doesn’t matter. Thank them for me, okay?”

You remained silent and again, Finn sighed.

“Are you… are we going to be okay?”

It was a loaded question. Closing your eyes, you leaned your head to the wall. In all honesty, you didn’t know the answer to that.

On the one hand, you loved Finn. That hadn’t changed. On the other hand, it was becoming more and more apparent your problems weren’t going away. It would be foolish to pretend otherwise – but all couples had problems, didn’t they?

In the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but think a break-up should be more obvious than this. A break-up should be something big, something irreversible. You were beginning to wonder though, at what point were problems considered insurmountable. Everything about this seemed grey and right now, you really needed black and white answers.

Both your lives were changing, as Jimin had said. Freshman year was a cacophony of change; in order to succeed, you and Finn needed to learn to grow with each other. Hiccups were to be expected, bumps in the road were to be expected, but if you wanted to stay together, you needed to learn how to fight for this relationship.

“I think so,” you said, opening your eyes. “I think we’ll be okay. I just… Finn, you really hurt me that night.”

“I know.”

“It can’t happen again.”

“It won’t.”

“You know… I want to spend time with you, right?”

“I… do.”

He paused for longer than you would’ve liked, but you brushed past it. “I know you like going to clubs and all that,” you said. “But that’s not really me. Maybe next time we can do something different. Something a little more low-key.”

“Yeah.” Finn chuckled. “That sounds nice, honestly.”

“Good.”

“At least my friends really liked you.”

Taken aback, you snorted. “Oh, come on, Finn. I was barely there.”

“I’m being serious! Ben told me he thinks you’re funny.”

“Ben,” you groaned. “Has all the humor of a wet sock.”

Finn laughed and this time, it sounded like him. His laugh had been watery before, a restrained version but now, his true mirth broke free. As soon as the sound hit your ears, you began to relax. Truthfully, you hadn’t been sure things would be okay until then. Hearing him laugh, you knew Finn meant it. He wanted this, too.

“You’re right,” he agreed. “Ben sucks, but at least he has the taste to know that you don’t. Next time, we’ll do something more fun.”

“Next time,” you agreed.

“Next time.”

Despite your conversation having gone as well as it possibly could’ve, uncertainty continued to linger in the back of your mind.

You spent Sunday evening watching TV, but still slept restlessly before your class the next morning. Mr. Vlad’s ballet was definitely not one you wanted to arrive at ill-rested, but Monday you showed up with bags under your eyes.

You tried to push all negative thoughts from mind while warming up at the barre. By the time class broke for water, you were feeling marginally better. Ballet was soothing that way. The repetitiveness of barre helped to put things in perspective. Your ankle had almost completely healed by this point and now, two weeks after the fall, your technique had finally begun to improve.

No longer were you the last one to catch onto combinations and Mr. Vlad only yelled once about your turnout at barre. This was a marked improvement from the start of the year and although you still were far from the top, you felt relatively good about your standing. You had a feeling once you and Jimin began to practice, the moves would come even easier.

The first combination at center was a slow adagio. It wasn’t particularly difficult aside from a lift in the middle, but despite the familiarity of the moves, Jimin was being oddly hesitant.

Mr. Vlad showed the combination with his dance assistant, Mina. After they demonstrated a particularly difficult lift, they gave everyone time to practice – which, in your and Jimin’s case, turned out to be necessary.

“Ladies, pique to arabesque!” Mr. Vlad called from the front. “Lift your leg higher and – the man lifts! He walks you in a promenade. Then you’re lowered, exhale – and bourrée!”

Brian immediately raised his hand for help, so Mr. Vlad left to assist in his corner. The lift was proving itself to be tricky – it required most of your weight balanced against Jimin’s side while he gripped your thigh, lifting you up.

You and Jimin began to practice, but no matter what you did, nothing seemed to be working. After the fourth failed attempt where Jimin nearly dropped you on your ass, you shakily landed and whirled around.

“Alright,” you said, both hands on your hips. “What’s going on?”

Jimin’s eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how’re you supposed to lift me if you’re barely touching me? Look at Sabrina and Paulo!” you said, gesturing in their direction. “He’s got his whole fucking hand under her leg!”

Jimin’s cheeks turned red. “I – uh, right. Yeah. Let’s try it again.”

Staring at him another moment, you nodded and returned to your spot. Jimin settled into fifth position, jaw clenched and looking as though he were in pain. You stared at him in the mirror, considering calling him out before thinking better of it.

Taking a deep breath, you piqued into arabesque. Leaning your weight to Jimin, he reached again for your thigh – only to falter, leaving you hanging.

“Jimin!” you half-laughed as you slipped down his leg.

“I’m sorry!” Jimin blurted, stepping away. Looking thoroughly distraught, he shoved both hands through his hair. “It’s just… well, I…”

“It’s just what?”

“You have a boyfriend,” he said, a bit pained.

In response to this, both your eyebrows shot up. That had not been the answer you’d expected.

“I… okay?” you said, failing to grasp the point. “So what?”

“So.” Jimin glanced furtively around. “I don’t know, it’s just weird! I don’t want to… overstep my boundaries, or anything.”

“But…” You stared. “I had a boyfriend last week and it wasn’t a problem.”

“Okay, but last week I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

Again, you looked at him as though he was crazy.

“This is stupid,” you said, stepping closer. “Ballet is our job, Jimin. It’s the least sexy occupation on the planet. Right now, I’m bleeding from three different blisters inside my pointe shoes. I’m sure my deodorant has long worn off by now. Would you just fucking get over yourself and grab my thigh?”

Jimin’s upper lip twitched. “Well. When you put it like that.”

“I am putting it like that,” you said with a grin. “Now, let’s go again.”

Nodding, Jimin followed when you walked backwards. Taking another deep breath, you piqued to arabesque and this time, Jimin didn’t flinch when your weight transitioned to his. Hand sliding beneath your thigh, he lifted you easily into a promenade.

As soon as you turned your head, you caught Jimin’s gaze and felt – something.

Something other than the white noise of the room. Something other than the thud-thud of your heart, other than the music on the stereo and Mr. Vlad yelling counts from the corner.

Despite what you had just finished saying, something unknown seemed to bloom in your chest. In the middle of the lift – blood blisters and all – you felt an errant spark where Jimin’s front pressed to yours.

You barely had time to recognize this before the moment was gone. Slowing his walk, Jimin set you back down – and you wobbled.

This time it had nothing to do with his technique.

“Ah, shit.” Jimin frowned. “That’s my bad – I can do better! Let’s try it again.”

Nodding, you felt a bit wooden as you followed in his footsteps. When Mr. Vlad started the music, you fought the surging tide of emotions threatening to overwhelm. It had been nothing, you told yourself. Nothing of importance, anyways.

Shoving whatever you’d felt in a box, you pushed this to a corner of your mind and firmly shut the door. Forcing a smile to your lips, you lifted your chin as you began the combination.

It was lucky everyone else found you a talented performer, since beneath all your smiling, all you could think about was what was hidden in the box.

Something unknown, something tentative – and something which could be dangerous, if it ever came to light.

Author’s Note: I was so close to re-writing this chapter with Mr. Vlad picking her up LOL just kidding, but thank you for reading! 😊 New chapters of Raise the Barre are posted weekly; dates are listed on the series Master List. Requests for updates will be deleted.

RAISE THE BARRE MASTERLIST

#bangtanarmynet #btsbookclub #jimin fanfic #bts fanfic #jimin writing #bts writing #jimin au #jimin series #bts au #bts series #jimin dance au #bts dance au #jimin e2l #bts e2l

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kaashiboo · 3 years

Note

ahah heeeey!!!!! can i request kenma, akaashi and sugawara as best friends with gender neutral reader?

thank you for your hard work i really enjoy reading your headcannons (灬º‿º灬)♡

haikyuu boys as your best friend

┇ kenma, akaashi, and suga

gn!reader

【warnings: none】

➢ general note: ohoho this is a very long one so buckle up!

✎ a/n: aaww this is request is cute! thank you for appreciating my work and i'm so glad you enjoy reading them! take care of yourself!<3

kenma

you've been friends with kenma and kuroo ever since you were a child but you're more close with kenma due to his chill personality.

but that doesn't mean that you're less chaotic

kenma honestly questions himself as to why he's best friends with you

but you're a bit more tolerable than kuroo he guesses.

"say, if i hypothetically and accidentally broke your swi— kenma, you're gonna kill me with your stare." you laugh nervously.

"give it to me." you removed your hand behind your back and gave him his switch with a pout.

"are you mad at me?" you asked, rubbing your nape. awkwardly.

kenma sighed loudly, "yeah."

"oh" your shoulders dropped.

"but it's fine since i already bought a new one. i'm mad because i was planning to give you this one but i guess we have to make someone check it out if it's still repairable." he replied and your eyes lit up in excitement.

"really?"

"yeah."

"but i don't have the money for it."

"we'll make kuroo pay." he shrugged and you tilted your head in confusion.

"eh? do you really think he would agree to that?"

"i don't know. maybe. just do all his work or compliment him everyday, that might work."

"are you two planning on how to murder me?" kuroo appears out of nowhere, ruffling kenma's and your hair.

"yes." the setter and you answered in unison.

people also wonder how you can keep up with kenma but you're honestly one of the people that can see through him and could tell whether something is bothering him.

and he never hesitated to show you what he really feels. if he's mad then you'd let him vent and let out all his frustrations.

and there were times as well where he just wanted to be away from anyone so you gave him space.

but because he finds you tolerable, he begged you to not distance yourself from him.

now, in terms of YOU being sad, we all know he's not the greatest when it comes to comforting people but he would always find a way to cheer you up like offering you to play games with him.

he would even let you do the interior design of his house in minecraft as long as he can see you're enjoying.

just like what others do, he would typically protect you from mobs while you pick up flowers.

but most of the time, you would have a competition on which person could kill as many mobs as they can.

you also would do stupid challenges that you see on youtube.

and late night walks with him are the best since you never had to worry about bothering him when he rarely sleeps early.

let me rephrase that real quick, it's mostly you walking around while kenma sits on a bench,,, still playing.

but he would occasionally look for you to make sure you weren't lost or kidnapped.

you would eventually get tired so you just... lay on the grass and roll around.

kenma puts down his switch, "what are you doing, y/n?"

"i'm bored. you're not even paying attention." you whispered the last part but he still caught it.

"alright, sorry. stand up now. let's go to the convenience store and crash at kuroo's house." he offered and you immediately agreed.

because the two of you never failed to be in the same class every year, your classmates would be confused since you two would verbally fight and give each other a silent treatment and then one second later, you would give him food and he tries to help you beat the level you're currently on with the game you're playing.

and in the timeskip, the three of you have stable jobs like, rich rich rich very rich.

"at this point, we can be your sugar daddies." kuroo jokes but you paid no attention to him as you were still busy processing with what kenma gave you as a present.

literally everything you need for streaming— heck, you're not even sure if you would use all of them.

but kenma still wanted to drag you along with him to do things that he loves

not that you'd complain about it anyway.

"you're helping me set everything up." you finally recovered from your state of shock and pulled kenma up from your couch.

akaashi

and the best 'best friend' award goes to akaashi keiji!

look, just because he's a laid-back person, doesn't mean he's unaware of how to push your buttons.

he would subtly annoy you. so subtle that not everyone could notice that you wanted to murder him on the spot.

"akaashi keiji, i will seriously ki—"

"it's settled then! y/n, please come to my office now." the teacher spoke, making you groan in frustration before standing up but you made sure to purposely step on his foot and he silently winced in pain.

the chat with the teacher didn't take long and when you exited the office, you saw your best friend standing outside, waiting for you with a barely noticeable smirk.

yeah, we might have to take back his award.

you rolled your eyes and walked past him but he grabbed your bag and pulled you back.

"sorry, do i know you?" you scoffed.

"look, i'm sorry. i already told you that you shouldn't sleep in class." he reminded, implying that him dragging you into doing something was a sort of consequence from sleeping in class.

"i know! but you decided to be annoying again and volunteered that i would help with some activity." you complained. he still hasn't let go of your bag but you continued walking which may or may not made it look like you were his pet.

akaashi knows you're not actually mad at him and so he didn't have to bother to apologize again.

"if it makes you feel better, i volunteered first before you. at least we're now both busy."

you didn't respond and continued walking, "where are you going?" he asks.

"home."

"no."

"no?"

"i have practice," he said.

"what does that have to do with me?!" you wailed.

"nothing." you facepalmed and let him pull you to the gym.

the first time you met was during middle school. you were crying because you lost a competition and unfortunately for you, akaashi was the one who won.

he tried comforting you but you pushed him away.

akaashi was persistent though. he didn't want you to stay mad at him and so he bothered you everyday until you finally started to warm up to him.

you sighed for the ninth time. deciding to make a paper plane and throw it to akaashi's way.

it fortunately hit his forehead and he 'tsk-ed' at your action but he continued reading the book anyway.

you reached for the plane, crumpling it until it's round.

"i thought you were gonna teach me?" you question and threw the paper at him, again but lucky for him, he caught it.

he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "how am i supposed to teach you if you keep throwing things at me?"

you see, you're smart but there are certain subjects that you really hate and you coincidentally got sick during a discussion and now you and akaashi are currently studying in the library.

he knows he could have just lent you his notes and you can just take a photo of it but he wouldn't let you do that because his reasoning was, "you'll learn better if you write it down." you've complained to him about it many times and he'll eventually get tired and not give you anything so now you've learned your lesson,

don't annoy keiji.

but sometimes, he's kind enough to cover for you when you're asleep during class and would lie to the teachers by saying you're sick.

which rarely happens since he doesn't always tolerate you so being friends with him feels like having a parent watch you all the time.

"maybe if i befriended konoha then i'm already done with this." you huffed.

"he doesn't have the patience to deal with you, y/n." you let out an offended gasp before throwing your pencil case at him.

honestly speaking, the two of you get along really well. you're more talkative and he tends to listen to your rants a lot.

and of course, he would also share to you how his day went and how he found a new way to get bokuto out of his emo mode.

hanging out with him outside of school can be chaotic at times.

especially if you decide to go to the arcade because expect him to tease you a lot when you couldn't get the prize you wanted.

he would help you though:)

and since you two are a popular duo, you would often get a lot of confessions from boys and akaashi would ramble about how it's a waste of time and that you should focus on your studies.

but he would also reassure you that he'll support you no matter what decision you make.

in conclusion, he's a bit confusing and indecisive but he just wants the best for you but then he would also start thinking that he's being controlling of your own life.

akaashi also can't keep his cool sometimes,

"i can't believe they cheated on me." you hugged your legs closer to your chest as you sob.

his practice was already over but he insisted that the two of you stay at the gym so that you could talk to him about your problems.

"they’re an asshole, y/n." he replied.

usually, he would rub circles on your back when you're crying but this time, he stayed still on his seat so you glanced at him and frowned.

"you weren't even paying attention," you said.

"i was," he stopped typing on his phone to look at you.

"i was just searching up ways how to murder someone without getting caught." he joked and you chuckled.

"just kidding. i was ordering your favorite food. now stand up and wipe your tears. don't let that asshole see you vulnerable. show him that you don't even need him in the first place because you don't need anyone, 'kay?" he pulled you up and nodded at his advice.

"except for me, of course. how else would you be alive if it weren't for me?"

"i have my own parents." you rolled your eyes playfully.

"they don't love you— they prefer me." he teased once again. earning a punch from you.

suga

aDMIT IT, SUGA IS SO FUN TO BE WITH.

like sureeee he would help you most of the time

but he's also the same person that would get you in trouble.

"vice principal, i am so sorry! i didn't mean to knock off your wig! please don't suspend me—"

"it's fine, l/n. just go and don't tell anyone." the old man sighed.

you bowed and left, running to where suga was standing.

you saw your friend biting his lower lip to stifle a laugh.

you glared at him but you couldn't help but to cackle at what happened and now you two are being noisy in the hallway that made others look at you weirdly.

"i told you, he's bald!" he exclaimed and your laugh couldn't get any louder until you start coughing from the lack of oxygen.

"oH MY GOD— DON'T DIE ON ME Y/N," he said dramatically before offering you a bottle of water.

"you're so dramatic, please shut up." you rolled your eyes after drinking.

you and suga have been arguing for a week about how he witnessed himself how the vice principal's wig flew off and it was too good to be true so you didn't believe him.

not until your beloved best friend pushed you to the vp's direction accidentally.

you were taller than the old man so when you bumped into him, you wanted to grab onto something for support but instead, you knocked off his hairpiece.

and suga ran away instead of helping you.

we love a supportive friend.

"well at least he was kind enough to not give you a punishment." suga shrugged and you just nodded your head in agreement.

when you transferred to karasuno during second year, you luckily met suga when you asked for directions.

you two were in the same class so he accompanied you the whole day.

he was very talkative and you loved hearing him talk about volleyball.

at first, you admired him for how approachable and kind he is

but now you just want to kick him.

"i said he wasn't my crush!" you convinced him but suga ony hummed in response.

"but you were staring at him with heart eyes." he quirked a brow.

"i wasn't!"

"you were!"

"i wasn't!"

"you we—"

"suga and y/n, that's enough." daichi sighed. pushing the two of you apart from each other.

"daichi! your vice captain is being annoying again."

"daichi, did you know that y/n has a crush on y—" his words were cut off when you covered his mouth with your hand and he had no choice but to bite your palm and you backed away in disgust.

"i don't like you anymore." you huffed and he just ruffled your hair.

"ah really now?" he smiled but you knew that behind that smile was an evil intention.

"nevermind." you muttered. not trusting your own friend.

oh and your parents adore suga.

like, they know you have other friends as well but suga is the only person they trust to be with you all the time.

and honestly, you agree with them. no words or numbers could describe how much you trust the setter.

despite his naughty and chaotic attitude, he always takes care of you.

kind of like akaashi but he's a bit more loose.

he's very good at giving you advice.

he's also the type of friend that sulks when you miss a game.

like, he would literally ignore you.

and now you're struggling how to make him forgive you.

"kōshi, enough. you've been ignoring me for a week! it was just one game, come on." you persuaded, poking his side but he didn't budge and continued writing down notes.

"i'm sorry for missing your game. i swear, it was an accident! i would never miss your next match again!"

he shifted in his seat and your eyes were filled with hope.

he looks at you with a slight hint of disappointment, "even if i'm not a regular anymore?" the question caught you off guard.

"what do you mean?" he remained quiet and you took that as a sign that he didn't wanna talk and so you impatiently waited for classes to be over.

as soon as you were dismissed, you pulled him out of the classroom to take him to your favorite spot just near the gym.

"i don't like how you're doubting my ability to support you. it doesn't matter what you do— heck, you could even commit a crime and i might bail you out of jail." you uttered. finally breaking the silence that engulfed the two of you the past few minutes.

you struggle with expressing how you feel sometimes and being able to decipher your analogies is one of suga's skills.

"your comforting skill is top tier." he replied.

you know how he would playfully hit his teammates? he'd do the same to you but he would only give you head pats, not wanting to hurt you physically.

and you unexpectedly just learned how to love it.

it somehow inspires you to work harder since he only gives you head pats when you achieve something and it's his way of congratulating you!

he also likes to drag you along with him. he wants to watch a movie? he would buy an extra ticket just for you!

but sometimes, he would whine about being broke when he's with you🤡

would also be ready to make a presentation as to why you are his platonic soulmate.

please just agree with him so he won't be sad</3

last but not the least, gossiping.

literally, the two of you will not call it a day if you haven't talked about any issues at all.

so even if you were sleepy, he would call or text you in the middle of the night and be like, 'tea time?'

aaahh imagine how shock i was when i saw that this was about 2k words overall AHAHA. i know that akaashi's part seems a bit off but honestly i just imagine him being a bit mischevious and more open to people he's genuinely close with so yeah! i had so much fun writing but i feel bad becaue it was so long- anyway, thank you for reading!<3

#kaashiboowrites #haikyū!!#haikyu x reader #kenma x reader #akaashi x reader #sugawara x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu scenarios #akaashi headcanons #akaashi imagines #akaashi fluff #kenma headcanons #kenma imagines #kenma fluff #suga headcanons #suga imagines #suga fluff

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barcaavengers · 3 years

Text

Weakness || Bucky Barnes Imagine || Pt. 3

Note: Woohoo part 3 is up! Thank you again for all the feedback! It means a lot that you like this story because it means I am in a way doing right on Bucky's character. I honestly suck at describing fighting scenes so I'm writing them to get some practice so sorry if some things just seem off haha. Already working on part 4! I don't know how long these series will be so it all depends on you guys. As always, feedback is encouraged along with your comments. ❤️

Disclaimer: Gif not mine! It belongs to @unearthlydust whose gifs are so prettyyyy.

Tag List: Shout out to these amazing supporters of this series since the first chapter. ❤️ @hanakin-im-panakin, @evie-pr, @justinekomwriterkru, @felicityofbakerstreet, @maaaaryx, @ijustwantedplums, @winterberryfox, @ttatum14, @pastelbabygirl19, @love-buckybarnes, @forever-aimless, @izzlenizzlebizzle @pastel-boy-sungjae

Your head felt like it was spinning and for a moment everything was quiet as you processed the red headed's words. Your gaze was on the floor before they closed to process everything, a way for you to shut down everything around you while you think. They were right...Of course Bucky would know, he is a Super Soldier. You should've listened to him. You should've listened to Sam when he pointed out you never did jump like that before, he knew your training skills.

"Why would you do that?" You ask quietly, trying your best to not have your voice crack or quiver from your feelings.

"If you are going to take on Captain America you need to be ready, and now that he has taken the serum."

"Let me rephrase that” you pause. “Why would you do that without asking?!" Your gaze lifts as you take a step forward, anger taking control for a moment. "I don't want this! I don't know what I'll be capable of-"

"That will help you know what you can do," she says. "If you are truly good, you will be better. If you are not…"

"So this is a fifty-fifty game for you? Let's see if you are capable of hurting people unintentionally if not, congratulations you passed the test" you say sarcastically and roll your eyes.

"Again, it is temporary. We don't know how long it will last in your body."

"What if it doesn't go?"

The girl simply shrugs and puts her hoodie over her head, "We will find out sooner than later" she says before turning on her heel.

Your eyes look after the girl, you lean against the wall behind you and close your eyes, taking in a few deep breaths. You knew deep down you wouldn't hurt anyone, but the fact that the possibility was there… You felt like the boys were going to look different at you. Sam wouldn’t be as protective as he has been with you since day one, Bucky may not find comfort in you anymore because you have turned into a Super Soldier just like him. Let’s not forget that Zemo could try to kill you since according to him people with the Serum aren’t supposed to exist. Were you even considered one of those people even if apparently yours is just a prototype of a temporary chemical?

"Y/N…" Sam shouts from above before landing in front of you. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" He asks as he gets closer before he notices your demeanor. "What's wrong? I saw Karli…"

"She-" you trail off before you shake your head. "She did inject me with something, Sam…" he eyes you curiously. "She gave me a...some type of temporary version of the Serum…" you can see Sam's eyes darkening with anger. "She says it's only supposed to last a while, she isn't sure how long but…"

"Come here," Sam's wings get secured on his back before he pulls you into a hug. You always found comfort talking to Sam or his hugs. He wasn't very affectionate with people that weren't his family, but the time you have spent together brought you quite close.

Bucky runs up to the two of you, his blue eyes trailing over your form, reading your body language. "What did she do to her?" His jaw clenched as he looked at Sam.

"Karli injected her with a temporary Serum…" he says quietly as you let go of him. "Y/N, listen to me. You are not going to turn into Walker, we won't let you. You are nothing like him if that’s what you are afraid of..." He cups your face between his hands and you nod your head.

"I knew it," Bucky says, hands landing on his hips. "What's the plan?"

"We have to find Walker," you run a hand through your hair. "If this thing only lasts a few hours, we have to make it count" you say and look at Bucky and then Sam. “We have to use it to our advantage.”

"Sharon sent me Walker's location while getting here. Let's move."

Once you find Walker, Sam tries to talk to him into giving the shield but to no avail. The guy was obsessed with the title, the shield, everything that had to do with being Captain America.

"Don't go down that road. Believe me, it doesn't end well..." Bucky says once Walker tries to justify his actions.

"I'm not like you!" Walker says and Bucky's gaze shifts from the man to the floor. Rude.

"You will never be like him, or Steve," you say and take a step forward to the man. "You are lying to yourself about Lemar's killer. You know that man you killed was innocent, but you killed him anyway" you take another step. "You are pretending to be someone you will never be..." you pause. "You will never, ever, be Captain America. You are just some knockoff version."

The words trigger Walker and he is quick to rush your way, but you rush to him as well. You duck when he tries to punch you and manage to move away from him, moving behind his back and kicking him, sending him flying towards Sam.

Sam is quick to deliver a punch on the man's side, Bucky tries to hit him with his vibranium arm, but the man uses the shield and you flinch at the sound that echoes through the warehouse at the contact of vibranium against vibranium. He kicks Bucky to the other side against a column and you would lie if you didn't get scared at the reminder that that was how Lemar died. The impact knocked Bucky unconscious but he was still breathing. Sam reaches for the arm that has the shield but Walker brushes him away with a punch. You jump on the man's back, legs around his waist as you try to choke him with your arms.

The man starts walking backwards with you still on his back, hitting a wall before repeating the action a few times making you grunt at the pain on your back. You let go of his neck and fall from his back, he turns quickly, taking advantage that you were still processing the impact and tries to put the edge of the shield against your neck. “Why are you making me do this?!” He asks as he looks at you. You are struggling as you try to push him off, your hues looking into his defiantly.

“You. Don’t. Deserve. It!” You scream before pushing him off, he lands on his back and the shield lands next to him. “Sam!” You shout as you both rush for the shield. Walker quickly reaches for it and tosses it, sending Sam flying to a wall. The shield returns to the man and you glare at him.

“We could’ve been a team” Walker says as he stands up, straight posture as he walks towards you.

“Not a chance” you look at the shield and from the corner you can see Bucky is regaining consciousness. You run to Walker and when you get close you make a quick back flip, taking him by surprise which gives you a space to punch him right on his nose. “Wanted to do that for a while” you say with a smirk. You are about to throw the next but the man catches your arm, he was much stronger than you, his grip was too painful. He reaches for your wrist and twists it making you yelp and by that same hand, he holds you open to kick you, sending you a few feet back but you land on your knee and one leg stretched, hands supporting your balance.

Sam tries to take the shield with one of his gadgets, but Walker is stronger, even with Sam using his jetpack but with no luck. Walker brings him down and has Sam on his back. “Bucky, come on. We can take him now” you help Bucky up, Walker being too distracted with Sam trying to tear the wings off, and then you hear the screech of metal breaking, then hitting the floor. Walker reaches for the shield and you see him aiming for Sam's head. Bucky rushes from behind him and both of them fall a few feet away from you, you are quick to go to Walker and kick his ribs with all your strength.

Bucky lifts John up and gets him against the lifter. Sam moves to take the arm that had the shield strapped to and started pulling it off but Walker was holding onto it like his life depended on it, and it seemed like it did. You move to hold his other arm in case he even thought of punching Bucky to try to get free. The three of you struggled, even Sam with his jetpack strength couldn't take it off easily, but the cracking of bones and John's scream was all you needed to confirm that Sam got the shield off.

Bucky and you let go of him, both of you trying to catch your breath. "It's over John," Sam says as he holds the shield.

"It's mine!" And there he goes again. You run and tackle him, straddling his chest before delivering three quick punches, blood covering your knuckles, he pushes you off to the floor and gets on top of you quickly as his hands went around your neck. Bucky gets John off from you, flinging him toward Sam who was holding the shield and you flinch at the sound. The three men fall and stay down for a couple of seconds, Bucky being the first to move only to take a shield and throw it besides Sam before he walks away. You barely had the energy to move or call him, you just lay there looking at Sam. He picked up the shield and wiped some of the blood with his bare hands.

"Sam…" you whisper quietly as you stand up after a while.

"I'm okay…" his voice cracks as he holds onto the shield. "Let's go" he takes the hand you offer him to pull him up. You take a last glance at Walker who remains on the floor, glaring at the two of you and holding onto his broken arm before you walk away.

After everything, you went with Bucky to take care of Zemo and then decided to check on Sam. Bucky had to deliver him a box while you just wanted to check on the man that has helped you since day one. There is no way to explain how happy you were that Sam's boat was helping all of you to get distracted. Sam and Bucky worked with the boat while Sarah and you made sure everything was in order. All of this was giving you a much needed sense of normalcy that you haven't had in a while.

The day is settling in and the three of you were sitting on the boat, Sam staring at the box Bucky brought him as you all sipped on your drinks. No words spoken for a while, just enjoying the quiet for once.

"Well, gotta catch my flight tomorrow. Get a hotel room for the night…" Bucky says, standing to take his coat.

"I thought you two were leaving together?" Sam asks and you almost spill what was left of your drink.

"Nah, she is staying with you guys" Bucky says and you turn to him. "I heard you talking with Sarah" he shrugs and looks away.

"Then you would know I'm not staying, but of course you ignored the rest" you sip on your drink, rolling your eyes. You did say to the woman that you wanted to stay, so that was what Bucky heard, apparently he didn't listen to the part where you said you couldn't just leave him like that.

"Just stay here" Sam says to Bucky and you see the soldier's eyes light up almost instantly. "No PDA with Y/N, alright? You do whatever you have to do when you are back in New York."

"I don't see that happening" you mutter and drink the last sip of your beer.

"You two haven't talked, yet?"

"There isn't anything to talk about" you mutter into the bottle. There was so much you wanted to say, but it wasn't the time although things were...calm in a way.

"Agree…" And he agrees. Wow.

"Listen to me, the two of you. You have to sort this out. Y/N, you can't keep holding onto your feelings waiting for the right time, and you, Cyborg, you have to get your life back. You can multitask with your book and your life" Sam says. "It's obvious you two help each other out and everyone knows this. Steve knew it" your eyes shift to the floor at the mention of Steve.

"I can't take this talk again" you stand up and jump out of the boat, walking away.

"That is the exact opposite of what I'm trying to make you do, Y/N!" You hear Sam shout.

You were watching Sarah's kids play around the kitchen area, the kids making sound of hits while the smallest played with the shield. Bucky was a few feet away resting on the couch, so peacefully. The shield suddenly drops and you see him shift before opening his eyes. "Hey" he salutes and the kids are quick to put the shield back in place.

"Put it back. Hurry…" the oldest says before running outside. Bucky looks at them while smiling and there is something about his eyes...It looked like he missed something, longed for something...

"You are awake" you say and he smiles at you, an authentic Bucky smile. You hated how easily his smile could change your behavior.

"You are not mad anymore" he points out and you just roll your eyes.

"Don't push your luck" you say and walk to him after taking two beers, handing one to him. "I wasn't mad. I just didn't want to put my mind into that topic again…"

"Thanks" he says quietly and you sit at the end of the couch where his legs were, so he sits up to be by your side. "You know, that reminded me of Wakanda," he starts. "The kids playing around, waking me up," he chuckles.

"You miss Wakanda, don't you?" You say.

"Yeah…" he says quietly and takes a sip off the bottle. "I felt peace there. Actual calmness...Something like this..."

"I get it. Being away from the mess that New York can be, no Superhero problems, no missions, no conflicts...Things are just quiet," you explain. Silence fills the air for a moment.

"Y/N, I've been thinking about what Sam said...We can't ignore this anymore...But I don't know where to start," he says quietly. "I want this with you" your eyes lift to look at him, did he just…? "I want us to have a sense of a normal life. I know it's a long road..."

"I don't want you to feel pressured. That's not what I want," you shake your head. "I just want you to know I'm here for you, Buck. I will wait as long as it takes, until you are ready…" you look at him.

"I can't ask you that, Y/N. I know for sure it won't be forever, but it will take time."

"You think I waited all this time to give you up just like that?" Your body shifts to face him. "I won't lie, there was a time I thought that there was no point in trying..." you avoid his gaze.

"Hey, no…" his fingers reach for your chin and make you face him, his warm hand cups the side of your face. "If you give me a little time, we can sort this whole thing out…"

He places the bottle of beer in the table next to him, not moving his hand away from the position it was in your cheek before turning to you. His thumb brushes your skin, his blue eyes taking you in and you can't help but do the same. His blue eyes, his scruff, his perfect face, his jawline, his lips, the way his tongue wetted those kissable lips...

His hand moved to the back of your neck to bring you in for a kiss. This wasn't like the first kiss which was a simple lip lock. No. This was a full kiss, instantly feeling his tongue brushing your lips. The kiss was slow and you felt bad about how desperate you needed more of his lips. He pulls away after a few seconds, your eyes open slowly to find him looking at you.

"What?" You ask quietly.

"Nothing, I just...I haven't kissed anyone like that since…" he trails off, he gets comfortable and rests on his side on the couch, his hand dropping from the back of your neck to his side.

"Didn't expect you to be charming every girl around you with your Winter Soldier mode" you say and he chuckles. You loved this. You loved that his whole body language was calm and relax, and he was smiling. "Although you did charm me, but I met you in between so it doesn't count."

He chuckles, not saying anything about it, sipping on his beer. "At what time is our flight?"

"At night, we have time…" you say as you eye him.

"We should tell Sam we are already talked," he says and you smirk.

"We should."

Bucky stands from the couch, taking his beer with his vibranium arm before reaching for yours. You smile at him before taking his hand.

Later that day you are sitting on the stairs of the front porch while Sam and Bucky talk and toss the shield around. You haven't told them yet, but you still felt the rush, like the Serum was still in your body, but not as strong as it was in the beginning. You can hear the conversation faintly from your spot, so you continued scrolling through your phone while listening.

"It's just, that shield's the closest thing I've got left to a family, so when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left." Your heart shatters at his words. This was the first time you have heard Bucky talk about family, and not mentioning Steve, but it wasn't long until he mentioned him and his book. "I just figured that if it worked for him, then it'd work for me." He looks at you after those words, you can see him from the corner of your eye but you continue to scroll on your phone.

"I understand, man. But Steve is gone" Sam pauses. "This might be a surprise but, it doesn't matter what Steve thought. You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." The shield comes back to Bucky and he catches it swiftly. "Plus, that girl right there?" There goes Sam, trying to play cupid. "That girl would jump off a bridge if you told her, man. If this shield is the closest you got to a family? Maybe it's time you start your own" he says and pats the soldier in his flesh arm. "But you gotta talk it out, and slow steps. You are new again to all of this."

"I know," Bucky says and he looks at you as you walk to them. "That's what scares me, Sam. Besides Steve, no one has looked out for me as much as she does" he says, his eyes not looking away from you. "I don't want to hurt her, Sam, and I feel like I might while I get back on having a life…"

"Let me ask you, are you still having those nightmares?"

"All the time...It means I remember. It means a part of me is still there. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier's still in me…" he tosses the shield and Sam catches it.

You reach them when they are talking bout the amends, the way Bucky should approach things to get proper closure. Then the two clasp their hands together and remain like that for a while.

"Good talk" Bucky says and Sam chuckles.

"You know Karli won't quit."

"Just call us when you have a lead and we will be there, Sam." You jump in. "I'll still come out to visit."

"Stay safe. I know you will be in good hands, metal and flesh" you have to laugh as he pulls you into a hug. "Take care of him, look after him. I know he will do the same for you."

"I know, Sam" you hide your face in his shoulder. "Thank you."

"Love you, kiddo. If you need me, call me."

After a few hours of flight, you get to the JFK Airport. You look for your keys in your bag as you walk, Bucky right besides you. Ever since you have landed he has been quiet, you couldn't guess what he was thinking of, but you let him be. Once outside, you slow your walk and he looks around before looking at your keys and then shifting his gaze. "So…" you say and purse your lips. "Um, do you want me to give you a ride to your house?"

"Uh, no. It's okay. It's late and I don't want to bother you."

"Buck, you live a few minutes away from my place. Let me take you."

"No really its…" you are glaring at him, and he sighs. "Alright, fine." You grin and start walking to the parking lot.

"You are staying at your family's house in Brooklyn, right?" You ask him.

"Yeah…" he looks around the parking lot that was barely lit except for a few dim lights here and there, and you feel him get closer to you, almost protective and you can't help but smile at the action.

Once you park in front of his house, you bite your lip as you put your car in parking.

"This is it.."

"This is it…" he nods his head. "I would invite you inside but I don't think my place is ready to have any visitors" he says, running a hand on the back of his neck.

"Don't worry about it" you wave it off. "We will keep in touch, Karli won't take long to show up again..."

"Uh, yeah. I just have to make a visit first and then we can start, you know, figuring things out" he offers you an apologetic smile.

"You don't have to do it alone, you know?" He nods his head. How were you supposed to say goodbye to him? A kiss on the cheek? On the lips? A hug?

"I'll see you later" he says and you can see he is hesitating as much as you are. "Uhm, I should…" he shifts in his seat before opening the door and getting out, pulling his bag with him. "Text me when you get home?"

"Will do" you say and he closes the door of the car, he gives you an awkward wave with the softest smile before he takes two perfect steps backwards and turning to walk to his house.

You are lying down on your living room couch watching TV when your phone indicates a new message. Your fingers lazily reach for it, unlocking the screen to read the message.

Bucky: Do you want to go out or something?

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes imagines #marvel imagines #marvel imagine #avengers imagine #avengers imagines #tfatws #tfatws imagine #tfatws imagines #avengers #marvel #bucky barnes x reader #reader x bucky barnes #(weakness pt.3)#(mine)

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clairenatural · 3 years

Note

I have only been following you since very recently, but I love your blog so much! <3 my three words are lost, stars and fuel. I hope this inspires you c:

thank you so much!💕 I hope you like this :) ~800 words, destiel

The worst part about losing his wings is that running away from your problems gets a lot harder when you can’t fly.

He’d still tried, of course. He’d left too many times, when he was wingless but still an angel, without saying goodbye—too scared to stick around and be kicked out anyway, in the end.

Castiel is learning not to do that. He’s learning to tell Dean first, at the very least—and he’s learning that Dean’s car isn’t as fast as his wings, but it’ll take them both where he needs to go, and this way they can fly together.

It begins like this: It’s been a bad day—for no particular reason, it just is. Neither had slept the night before because Dean was having the only kind of nightmares Cas can’t help with, and the coffee was bad in the morning, and they bumped into each other in the kitchen so Dean spilled cereal milk on his favorite t-shirt, and…it’s been a bad day. And then Dean snapped about something ultimately insignificant and Cas snapped back and stormed off to shut himself in the library—but at least he was going deeper into the bunker and not leaving it, which is the key.

Until now. Now, he sighs, shutting the heavy tome in front of him with a loud thud. He doesn’t know what the book is. He doesn’t know why he’s reading it. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. All he knows is he needs to not be there anymore.

Dean is sitting on their bed when Cas finds him, staring glumly at his laptop screen.

“I want to leave,” Cas says, before even saying hello, and Dean looks up with a start and a look of pure fear, before he can wrangle it back into apathy, that hits Cas straight in the heart. No. Not like that.

“You do that.” Dean is already looking back down, reigning himself back in. He resumes typing, more forcefully, and Cas can hear the walls going back up with every loud click of a computer key.

He sighs and steps fully into their bedroom. “No, not...I want you to come with me.”

Dean looks up again, but this time, he’s just confused. “What?”

“It’s been a terrible day, and I’m sorry for that, but I need to be—” he takes a deep breath, tries to find the words. “I need to be…away. But I don’t want to be away from you.”

“Okay…” Dean closes his laptop and cautiously shifts to sitting on the edge of the mattress. “Cas, buddy, you know we can’t just up and leave. We have—you know. Responsibilities.”

Cas shakes his head. “I don’t mean forever.” He pauses and rephrases. “Can we go for a drive?”

This Dean understands. This, he can do. He smiles, already preparing to stand. “Where to?”

“Wherever we end up,” is the only answer Cas provides.

They drive until the fuel tank is half-empty—only saving enough for the drive back. The sun had been nearly set when they had left the bunker, and as Dean pulls the impala onto the shoulder the stars are already out.

“This good?” he asks Cas, breaking the silence that had settled comfortably between them, and Cas nods.

“I have no idea where we are,” he says it with a smile. Getting lost was the goal, after all. They both know that Dean has been cataloging every random turn he took. They both know not to mention it.

Cas climbs out of the car and makes it a few feet into the Kansas field in front of them before realizing Dean isn’t following. He doubles back and takes Dean’s hand in his own, intending to lead them both into the grass, but Dean still doesn’t push himself off the side of the impala. Instead, he pulls Cas close, dropping his hand to pull him into a hug. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, face pressed into Cas’ hair, who relaxes into him.

“It’s—” he starts, but Dean cuts him off shaking his head.

“No, come on. I was—you didn’t deserve that.”

Cas pushes back just enough to look Dean in the eye. He frowns. Dean has an irritating habit of taking all of the blame, even now. “Neither did you.” The statement leaves no room for argument. “I’m sorry, too.”

Dean stares down at him for a moment, swallows, and then nods. Just once, but he doesn’t protest any more, and Cas will still count that as a small victory. “Thanks for not just taking off,” he says, instead, and Cas smiles as he brings a hand up to Dean’s face and strokes his thumb along his cheekbone.

“Thank you for coming with me.”

Dean smiles back before leaning down and kissing him, once, softly. “Come on,” he murmurs, and finally pushes himself off the car. He takes Cas’ hand again. The grassy field off the highway stretches out in front of them, cut off at the horizon by a distant tree line, and above them the stars go on even further. “Let’s get more lost.”

#deancas #destiel #destiel fic #deancas fic #my words #follower fics #thank you <3 #Anonymous

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mendesblurb · 3 years

Text

WHERE IS THE LOVE

Shawn Mendes x female reader

Warning: fluff, maybe grammar error and maybe some punctuation errors and maybe typos

GIF Credits to owner and maker @tannerandthesociety-backup

It felt like it was just yesterday when you were a new transfer student entering a high school in Toronto.

You were forced to relocate to another country because your dad was offered a promotion at work. You were so happy when he conveyed the news even though you were a little sad that you had to move to another country.

First day of school was tough as nobody wanted to get to know the new kid. You were about to give up when a group of guys asked whether they could sit with you during lunch.

Because you were lonely and desperate for friends you said yes. Those guys were Shawn,Brian and Connor. Soon the four of you became inseparable, you see the thing is for other people at the school they were the three weirdos and now you were their newest member.

The three of you were there from the beginning of Shawn's music career. You were there when his vine blew up and you were all so proud when stitches went trending.

Fast forward to now, you are currently on a summer break from university and what better way to spend your break than joining your best friend’s world tour.

Today you were off to the land of the rising sun aka Japan. As soon as you reach your seat, all you want you to do is take a nap. But unfortunately that was just impossible as you were sitting in next to Brian and Connor.

“Guys please let me sleep.” You whinnied

“Nope, Y/N you're so busy with boring University assignments and now we can finally catch up with each other .” Brian said

“Hey Y/N, what’s stopping you two?” Connor asked

“What do you mean?” You said in lazy tone and eyes still closed

“Let me rephrase it for you my dear, do you or do you not still have feelings for Shawn?” Connor said cheekily

You opened your eyes immediately and said, “Connor wtf?” You said while elbowing him

“Owww, but seriously that sounds like a yes to me, right Brian?” Connor said

“Uhm without a doubt.” Brian nod his head

“Look Y/N, all I’m saying is It will be a dream come true if you and Shawn finally decide to take your friendship to the next level.” Connor said

“What are you trying to say Con, stop giving me riddles.” You whined

“All I’m saying is I know our Shawnie like you too and I have a plan to make him confess his feelings to you.” Connor said

“Whatever brilliant plan you think you have, I don’t want to know because whatever feelings I have towards him will just ruin our friendship.” You replied

“Cmon Y/N, please!” He said while giving you his puppy eyes

“I just don’t want to ruin our friendship, Con.” you said

“I pinky promise, your friendship won’t be ruined.” He said

“Fine, tell me your so-called amazing plan” you replied

“Brian, will you do the honours of explaining the plan to this amazing lady here.” Connor said

“ it would be my pleasure.” He said while giggling

The next few hours flew by and soon you were arriving at theHaneda Airport. Upon arriving the four of you and all the crew rushed to the hotel.

————The next morning———————————-

“Good morning Y/N and Con.” Shawn said in a clearly still sleepy face

Shawn was sleepy but not blind as he saw his 2 best friends standing rather close to each other. Connor’s hand was wrapped around your waist and his face was buried in your neck.

“Oh hey Shawn, didn’t see you there.” You said and immediately you turned your attention back to Connor and he whispered to your ear,”pretend I said something funny and you loved it.” In response you just giggled and Completely ignored Shawn.

Shawn felt annoyed and decided to go and find Brian. After spotting Brian, Shawn decided to approach his table.

Shawn plopped on the seat next to

Brian, resting his head in one of his hands while the other aggressively stabbed the watermelon in his bowl with a fork.

“Dude, don’t blame the watermelon when you have a jetlag!” Brian said

"I am not jetlag" Shawn mumbled through gritted teeth and annoyed expression, lifting his eyes to look at you again, gripping the fork tighter when he saw who you were with.

Brian followed his friend's eyes, and he was crossing his fingers and hoping his plan worked when his eyes landed on you. But for now he just sighed and put his hand on Shawn’s shoulder, to somehow give him support over the image of his two best friends acting all flirty toward one another.

You made your way through the hotel restaurant to find Brian’s table while holding Connor’s hand. This was part of the whole plan, you and Connor had to act all flirty with each other during breakfast.

Hey guys" You playfully greeted, reaching the table, a big smile on your face as you sat across from them.

Before Connor could sit down next yo you, he got a phone call from Andrew saying that he needs to finish editing the video now so he excused himself and went back to his room.

"Hi Y/n" Brian happily replied, lightly nudging Shawn’s elbow when he didn't say anything.

Your smile instantly replaced by a frown, when you noticed Shawn was just focused on his watermelon , avoiding your gaze. By now you wonder, whether the plan actually worked because the last thing you want is to ruin your friendship.

"So how did you guys sleep?" You awkwardly asked, focusing your curious eyes on Brian, waiting for him to tell you what was going on with Shawn.

“Uh ... not much but managed to get 6 hours" Brian said. "So, when did you get all lovey dovey with Connor?" He asked to take the attention away from Shawn, but he mentally he knew that's probably the last thing Shawn wants to hear right now.

"Oh last night Connor confessed his feelings and I said I felt the same" You smiled back again, meanwhile Shawn just choked at his glass of milk.

By now Shawn was coughing and you quickly asked, “ Shawn you okay, here have my water.”

“I’m good Y/N, thanks.” Shawn replied but still avoiding your meet your eye

“He confessed his feelings and now you guys are showing all the PDA" He teased in a mocking tone making you frown for the second time, because it wasn't a sarcastic mocking tone, it was a mean mocking tone.

"I mean he is proud to say that He has feelings for me and now he just wants other people to know about our love too so I will say it’s a sweet gesture he likes and I really enjoy it too" You defended yourself, and Shawn just chuckled.

"I'm pretty sure that's just a rebound,I mean we're talking about Connor, He makes everyone think he has moved on from his ex and Y/n, I'm sure he just wants to have a tour fling to show his ex." Shawn proudly said

"So you're saying I'm just some fling for him?" You asked, ignoring the way your heart ached from Shawn who was thinking so low of your other best friend.

"What I'm saying is the guy still constantly talks about his ex , so my advice is you shouldn't be that excited about your new relationship status because he'll just end up going back to his ex.” He stated while obviously still clouded by jealousy.

"Seriously why can’t you be happy that I end up with Connor, Mendes" You painfully said, before getting up from the table and leaving your bowl of cereal behind and you went back to your room.

Jealousy could trigger many things and you certainly didn’t expect Shawn would say that about Connor.

“Mendes, when was the last time she called you that?” Brian said

Mendes, you only call him that whenever you are upset with him. And now he realised that he too was blinded by the jealousy that he didn’t monitor all the words coming out of his mouth.

“ You know what I still can’t believe, I am still surprised that a guy like you could write so many songs but can never truly say anything to the person who inspired all the songs.” Brian shook his head in disapproval and left Shawn all alone at the hotel restaurant.

…………………….Later at rehearsal…………………..

Part B of the plan was for you and Connor to arrive together at the rehearsal but also you need to arrive a little late to build some type of tension, at least this theory was stated by Brian.

“Okay everyone let’s take 5, before we start.” Shawn said to the band, “Brian where‘s Y/N?” He asked

“I don’t know probably, with Connor.” Brian replied

After rehearsing for 2 songs you finally arrived at the venue with Connor.

Usually during all rehearsals or concerts you will give your full attention to Shawn and after every song you would give him a thumbs up and clap for him.

Today however it was different as he looked across the stage he saw you sitting in Connor’s lap and giggling at his cheesy jokes.

Shawn felt heartbroken when he saw you, his girl, well not exactly, his girl that isn't his but is his ... the girl he loved forever... anyway, when he saw you laugh with someone that wasn't him his heart instantly dropped.

Especially when that someone was Connor Brashier, I mean he knew that Connor was aware of his feelings toward you and he didn’t expect this type of betrayal from Connor of all people.

———- The day of the concert——————————

Today was the big day, usually Shawn felt excited because he was about to meet all his fans but today he couldn’t concentrate, he kept thinking whether things could turn out differently if he confessed his feelings sooner. Would you feel the same? One thing for sure is he would be on cloud nine if you felt the same way he did.

“Shawn, you ready?” Andrew asked

“Yeah, yeah sure.” He said clearly distracted

“Hey.” You said entering the dressing room

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” Shawn asked

“Am I not allowed to wish my best friend a goodluck?” You asked.

“Whatever Y/N just go and be with Connor.” He said

“Look Shawn I think there’s something you should know.”

“Look Y/N, I need to focus on rehearsing my lyrics so please don’t distract me.”

“Shawn I’m sorry if I ever was a distraction, I’ll be outside if you need me.” You said trying to hold back your tears

“Y/N wait! I’m sorry I didn’t mean that it’s just you’re a distraction because dammit I am in love with you and I understand that you’re with Connor now and I just think you should know how I feel about you .” He said

“Shawn I’m not with Connor, I mean the whole thing was them trying to prove to me that I wasn’t the only one who felt that way towards you… the truth is I have loved you since high school if I’m being honest.” You confessed

The next few minutes was a blur as Shawn got up from his seat to kiss you…. what you didn’t know was that the dressing room door was open and Connor and Brian were standing there.

Seeing that Brian grabbed the door handle and closed the door.

Standing at the side stage, Connor happily said, “we did it bro.”

“Damn right we did.” Brian sighed happily and they fist bumped each other.

@itsalwaysbeen305

#Shawn #Shawn mendes #shawn mendes x y/n #shawn mendes fandom #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes story #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes #Shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes oneshot #Shawn mendes stories

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uponrightful · 3 years

Note

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

✨Fanfic Ask Game✨

(sorry this is long, but I know you won't mind too much)

Excerpt From: "Welcome Company" Part 2

The girl poured a fresh cup of caf, smiling at the buzzed, blonde sitting sleepily across the bar from her. Rex had made a surprise visit, more than a week ahead of schedule with more than enough stories to keep her busy and listening for a full weekend. It was one of her favorite things, to sit and sip caf while hearing about the -less gruesome- details of her trooper’s missions.

“-It was hell back there, but at least Anakin didn’t need reinforcements like last time.” Rex shook his head in slight frustration.

A this point she knew about all of the Generals, and almost knew all the clones by name. Of course many had come to see her, but putting names to faces wasn’t always easy. She found that putting names to tattoos and personalities was easiest.

As long as they show their personality.

“I’m glad you survived the Generals antics. Otherwise I wouldn’t get my updates so willingly.” She couldn’t help but giggle at the thought of asking Cody to talk about things so willingly. Of course Fives would be willing, but the quality of information was a whole other battle to fight.

“I’ll always come back, as long as you’ve got hot caf on drip.” Rex chuckled, taking a hearty drink from his mug. “I heard through the barracks that you played host to a new guest?”

She smiled almost absentmindedly, looking towards the rocking chair that had sat absent since Commander Wolffe’s overnight stay two weeks ago. “Yes, I did.”

“Angry bastard, isn’t he?” He commented with a light jeer, readjusting himself on the barstool he sat on.

I need to get bigger ones… they’re all too small for the boys.

“I don’t know what to think of him just yet.” She mused, tracing her finger around the lips of her mug, letting the steam coat her fingertips in a dewy sheen. “We didn’t particularly meet.” The look on Rex’s face changed with the drop of a hat, causing her to almost stutter in the attempt to rephrase herself. Whatever he’d heard, apparently didn’t meet up with her divulged information.

“I- I mean we didn’t speak.” She tried her best not to let her anxiety show, but that dreadful stutter had reared its ugly head. “I us-used signs to help him through the house.”

“You wrote out signs?” Rex parroted her with an incredulous expression, seemingly trying to piece together an image of what her nights must’ve looked like hiding from Wolffe and creeping down hallways without him catching sight of her. “Let me see them.”

She nodded timidly, still trying to gain back her confidence after realizing that Rex wasn’t actually mad. In one of the least-squeaky cabinets under the sink, she retrieved one of the black signs, and the chalk that she used to write the signs. Sliding them across the island, her gaze focused on Rex’s softening expression. Her remaining anxiety was slowly dissipating.

“You’re a special kind of patient, you know that?” Rex ran his finger over the white chalk, looking up at her under thick, dark eyelashes.

“He just seemed like the type who would want a different kind of love.” She shrugged her shoulders, feeling her face heat with embarrassment. It was easy to watch from behind the corners of her house, and enjoy to unguarded expressions of her warriors. But hearing any praise directly to her face was almost pure torture.

“All I’ve heard is when the Commander stepped back on base he looked like a brand new man. Even Cody was talking about how Wolffe’s armor looked better than the day he got it re-painted.” Rex paused to take another slug of his caf. “I haven’t seen the Commander… but I’m sure you gave him a kriffing good polish didn’t you?” He chuckled again, taking another hard look at the sign sitting in front of him. “I imagine the poor sap was standing up straighter than a rod with all the attention he got from you.”

“His were particularly rough… but nothing a little elbow grease couldn’t fix.” She retrieved the signs and put it back it it’s place under the sink. “I did use a little epoxy to fill In some particularly deep scratches.”

Rex gave her a wide smile and motioned for her to come over with an arm stretched out. She obliged, and placed herself within arm’s reach so he could pull her into a tight hug. He settled his chin on top of her head, giving a few quick squeezes just to explain all the things she knew Rex couldn’t say. For all the things the Captain could say, the girl knew that many of her boys were unable to speak though many of the things they felt. Instead, they liked touch.

At first, she’d been quite unwilling to oblige them. Feeling much too insignificant to be anyone that deserved any real attention from such important men. But after almost two years, hugs and the occasional request for head scratches or a haircut had become almost essential to her services. Even Rex hadn’t been keen on physical attention towards anyone but his brothers, however that changed after a few terrible nights spent way too late at 79’s. A particularly bloody battle left him beaten and bruised in more ways than one. And instead of coming straight to her, he’d found the door to 79’s and the bottom of a bottle of fire whiskey first. Two days of close attention and a true moment of vulnerability later, Rex became more than a regular. He practically cornered his own room at her house, where she was almost always on call for late-night or early-morning planet-side landings.

“You want him to come back don’t you?” Rex’s voice sounded muffled in her hair.

“I don’t want anything. You know that Rex.” He hugged her tighter with both arms this time, letting out a rough sigh.

“You’re more than deserving of whatever your little heart desires. Maker knows that… and if they don’t, well. I’d be more than happy to let them know.” They both chuckled, and split apart to take another drink of caf.

Only now that question still hung in the air. It wasn’t that she didn’t want the Commander to come back. But honestly, she couldn’t seem to distinguish what exactly she wanted to give him. Or whether or not Rex was talking about the Commander when he’d been oh-so willing to remind them of her own importance. Either option was enough to make her stomach knot. The girl always wanted to give, but had -according to Rex- a bad habit of never taking anything in return. But doing what she did for the troopers, allowed her the opportunity to do just that. The men hardly had anything to give, except a heartfelt thanks upon leaving. And she didn’t have to do anything but help. No transaction if the troopers didn’t desire it, and even then it was always guided by the understanding that they didn’t owe her anything.

“I want to be good.” She smiled, sounding like a broken record to Rex.

“I don’t know how I can make it any more obvious.” He sighed. “I’ve told you hundreds of times that you’re the Guardian Angel of me, and my vod.”

The girl felt another rise of heat in her face.

“Wolffe will come back. I’m sure of it.” Rex continued, “If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll never want to leave this place.”

This right here is probably some of my favorite dialogue I've written. Honestly, I don't think I write it well but the feelings I got while writing this made the whole scene that much more special overall. I loved writing for Rex in the 'big brother' sense. Rex is such a sweetheart, and the entire conversation was so very easy to write. Organic conversation is challenging for me normally, and for whatever reason -I think it's these two characters really- that made everything jive really well. Like I said, It's really nothing groundbreaking. But I'm proud of little-ole-me for doing it anyways.☺️

Thank you for asking me doll, you never fail to make me smile. 🥰

Much Love, Rightful 🤍

#fanfic ask game #uponrightful #uponrightful answers

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wanderinginksplot · 3 years

Text

Warriors in Red Armor

Next | Masterlist

Chapter One

Hound I

"So, are we going to 79's tonight?" Hound asked. He had meant to be subtle about it, but the question burst out of him the moment his well-worn boots crossed the threshold of the small break space allotted to members of the Coruscant Guard.

As break spaces went, the one designated for the Coruscant Guard's clone troopers was an embarrassment. Some determined being had managed to cram a table and a handful of chairs inside, but it was a tight fit. If more than a few fully armored troopers went inside at the same time, none of them would get back out without removing some armor to clear the traffic jam. The lights flickered, the faucet leaked, the floor was always sticky, and the stuffy air held a hint of the chemicals that had been stored there years ago. Since then, the previous break space had been renovated into an office for one of the few nat-born commanding officers and this one had been created for the clone troopers.

Still, the smell of caf was stronger than the smell of chemicals most days and the light from a nearby advertisement screen lit the room so brightly that the flickering lights didn't give any of the troopers a migraine anymore. Hound always was a man who liked to see the glass as half-full. Maybe even a little more than half, if that glass was sitting under the dripping faucet.

Thire snorted at Hound's question, leaning back in his chair until gravity threatened to topple him. "Well, boys? Hound wants to know if we're going to 79's this lovely Friday evening. What do we think?"

Thorn glanced around the room, looking unamused by his brother's antics. "We think I'm the only other one here, di'kut."

"Exactly!" Thire said in triumph, obviously determined to ignore his fellow commander. "It's the weekend! Why wouldn't we go to 79's?"

"Because you've finally realized that it's a glorified zoo?" Thorn snapped, tone venomous. "79's is where civvies go to stare at clone troopers so they can feel like they're being daring. In reality, they're being irritating."

Having spoken his piece, Thorn tossed back the last of his cup of caf, always consumed as dark as his mood. Hound shuddered at the thought. Corrie Guard caf was brewed at the approximate concentration of speeder fuel and could eat through duracrete. Only a trooper who hated himself would drink it black.

Thorn always drank it black.

"So you don't want to go?" Hound asked again, sounding heartbroken.

"No, I'll go," Thorn told him. "Zoo or not, 79's still has the cheapest booze on Coruscant that doesn't use poison as a mixer."

"Well, that's the most excited I've heard Thorn get about anything for a week, at least," Thire smirked. "Commander Fox, you want in on this?"

The Head Commander of the Coruscant Guard, having just stepped into the break room to fill his mug with caf, shook his head. "No, I'm on duty tonight. The Clone Rights group has been cleared to march and the Chancellor wants an extra Guard presence. Stone will be stuck here as well, monitoring any new arrivals."

"Ugh," Hound said, summarizing everyone else's point of view. "Well, we'll be thinking of you both, Commander."

Fox lowered the datapad in his hand to shoot a look in Hound's direction. "Sergeant, don't you have that ARF PR stunt tomorrow at 0800?"

Hound shrugged. "Yeah, but I can do both."

"Make sure you don't miss it," Fox ordered sternly. "The last thing I need is to have to report to the Chancellor that you missed a chance to give the GAR a boost in civil opinion."

Hound saluted and Fox turned his attention to the other break room occupants. "Thorn, if you let your stubble get any longer, it'll be considered a beard and subject to facial hair regulations. Thire, sit on the chair like a normal being, would you?"

Thorn nodded and Thire grinned as he let the chair's legs slam onto the floor. Fox rolled his eyes at their antics, refilled his cup of caf, and left the break area. Hound idly wondered how many of the gray hairs appearing at the Head Commander's temples were due to the commanding officer team. Still, the Chancellor had let Fox choose his own team of COs, so there was no one to blame but himself.

"Meet at 2100?" Thire asked. "That's prime time for 79's and there'll be plenty of talent. I'll go ahead and apologize, vode. When you look this good, you automatically get your pick of the females."

Thire brushed a hand back across his hair - meticulously trimmed to maintain the subtle horizontal lines shaved into the otherwise regulation cut - and grinned at the other two. Hound and Thire rolled their eyes, but agreed anyway.

---

Kai I

"Hey, do you guys want to go to 79's tonight?" Kai asked, perched on the desk she was supposed to be sitting behind. She was always restless and neither of the other women blamed her for the odd choice of seat - even though it made inter-desk communication a bit of a pain.

Arkularia - who, for the sake of Kai's sanity, allowed the others to call her 'Ark' - was the first to respond. "79's? The clone bar?"

"Do you want to drink, dance, or find a one-night stand?" Ransom asked from behind her expansive tech setup. "Because there are better places for any of those. Closer, too."

"No, I want to go to 79's," Kai said, kicking up her chin. "And as for what I want… I want all of them. All three options, please and thank you."

"Did you just try to order a night out? Like from a menu?" Ransom asked. From the tone of her voice, Kai had managed to earn a rare smile from her boss. Of course, that was only a guess since Ransom didn't emerge from her den so Kai could verify the expression.

"No… but can you imagine how much easier that would be?" Kai asked in her own defense.

"It would take some of the fun out of it, I think," Ark said slowly.

Kai chucked a wad of flimsi at her friend and co-worker's head, cheering to herself as it connected and bounced off of Ark's white-blonde hair. "I know that, Ark! C'mon guys, do you want to come to 79's with me or not?"

"I'm out," Ransom said immediately, shutting down the projector option on her desk. She was still illuminated by the ambient light from the schematics on her datapad. The cybernetic implants in Ransom's arm gleamed in the blue glow as she dragged a hand over her shaved head. "I have to work late if we have any hope of finishing our next job on time."

"Ark?" Kai asked, not too proud to sound like she was begging.

Ark sighed, pale eyes hopeless in the face of Kai's wheedling. "Fine, I'll go along."

"Yes!"

"Ransom, are you sure you can't come, too?" Ark asked, her voice a bit desperate.

"I really do have to stay and work on this," Ransom apologized, gesturing at her assortment of datapads. "My condolences."

"We're going to a club, not facing a firing squad!" Kai admonished. "Besides, I just want to find someone fun."

"Like that last guy?" Ark asked, squinting a bit as she applied her prodigious memory to her own question. "What was his name?"

"Not sure," Kai admitted. "But he was so much fun! Great tattoos."

"So you are looking for a hookup! I knew it," Ransom crowed.

Ark frowned. "Why a clone trooper? They're never on-planet for long before they have to leave."

"Exactly," Kai said with a wink. "Love 'em and leave 'em."

"Didn't the last one stick around for a while? I thought I remembered seeing him more than a few times…" Ark pondered.

"Hardcase! His name was Hardcase," Ransom remembered. "He came by every day of his leave."

"Strange name," Ark commented.

"Strange guy," Ransom said with a shrug.

"But he was hot," Kai countered, folding a piece of flimsi to look like a tooka. At least it did in her imagination. "And so much fun. I need another someone like him."

"What happened to him?" Ark asked curiously.

Kai would have blushed if she had any shame - too bad for Coruscant that she didn't. Instead, she pouted. "He moved on with a Zeltron who works at GAR headquarters. That's the best place to meet troopers, but they don't give access to civilians unless they have official business."

"Hardcase didn't seem like the type to ghost you out of nowhere," Ransom mused.

"I… may have freaked out about him asking me to be his girlfriend," Kai admitted. "I don't want anything serious, you know? Besides, I'm the one who introduced him to the new girl. She's a sweetheart. He adores her and she's the same about him. Can't be too upset with that."

Ark and Ransom exchanged loaded glances, but Kai had no interest in a therapy session. "Right! So, Ransom, you're still out?"

"I have no interest in coming along and I have work to do here."

"Well, that was almost nice," Kai congratulated. "Ark, it's you and me. When should we go?"

Ark shrugged. "Why don't we just stop there on the way home from work?"

"Are you kidding?" Kai asked, aghast at the idea. "We aren't exactly wearing Senatorial dress, but we're still too professional for a club! No, we need to go home, change, and meet there. How long do you need?"

"I don't know… half an hour?"

"How long do you need to find an outfit that makes sense in a club setting?" Kai rephrased her question.

"Two hours," Ark corrected herself, sounding sheepish.

"That's more like it," Kai said, satisfied. Her look turned wicked as she said, "Now, let's talk about makeup…"

"Are you sure you don't need any help here, Ransom?" Ark asked their boss, her eyes widening with hidden significance.

"No, it's too late!" Kai denied. "Meet me at my apartment and I'll help you. Let's say eight."

Ark glanced back at Ransom, who gave a sympathetic shrug. Ark sighed. "Fine, eight."

---

A/N - Hello, and welcome to yet another Clone Wars-based story! I can't leave these poor guys alone. They deserve so much more than they got! So, you may have noticed that some of the characters are a bit different from the way they are normally portrayed in fan fiction. The first fic I read with the Coruscant Guard had Thire as a happy joking guy and Thorn as a serious doom-and-gloom trooper. I'm coming to realize that is not typical for fanon interpretations, but those characterizations are embedded in my mind. I hope you didn't find this too jarring!

I'm experimenting with a new Game of Thrones-style POV tracking format. Hopefully that will keep things from getting too confusing as we bounce back and forth across eight different POVs! I apologize for the short length of this chapter, but it's just a simple introduction of (most of) the characters.

#Warriors in Red Armor #star wars the clone wars #star wars #star wars fanfiction #coruscant guard #commander fox #commander thorn #commander thire #sergeant hound #clone troopers deserve better #more to come #please reblog

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lunarmessenger · 4 years

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Can u do prompt 52 with either Saeyoung or (GE) Saeran saying it to MC/the reader? I have adhd so i tend to ramble and im always nervous that im annoying and talk too much, especially since i tend to repeat myself in order to rephrase what i've said in a more understandable way... if that makes sense. That last bit's probably irrelevant haha... ^^"

Ah- see what i mean? Lol... anyways it hits close to home and i would appreciate either of the choi twins -- or both! But i dont wanna burden you with too much haha, so just whoever works out better for you :)

Love your writing <3 <3

Of course!! My fiancée has ADHD as well, and I can’t imagine how it feels sometimes. Her little quirks that she has though because of her ADHD are adorable though, and I’m sure yours are just the same, honey. I’ll do both just for you! - luna xx

707

You sat behind Saeyoung as he worked at his computer, small bags beginning to form underneath his eyes from lack of sleep. He was handed a rather difficult job by Jumin that required some complex fire walls on a new program, his brows furrowing every now and then as he mumbled underneath his breath.

Being with him meant that there would be weeks, almost a month or two of distance due to his projects, and you knew this going into it. Yet, there were times that you couldn’t help but have your little impulsive moments and unfortunately, this was one of them.

A small giggle left your lips as you found a meme on your phone, looking up towards Saeyoung who was still busy typing away.

“Saeyoung...is it alright for you to take a quick look...?” You softly mumbled, the tone of your voice making him do a soft smile as he peeled his eyes away from the screen.

“Sure, MC. What is it?” You excitedly showed him, the two of you laughing as he pat your head.

“That was a good one! Let me know if you see anymore.” He meant well by saying that, really he did. But he didn’t think that you were going to pull him away every five minutes to show him a meme; some of them he didn’t really find as funny as you but laughed anyway. With each meme you showed him came a mini tangent of a memory, or event that it reminded you of, the sound of your voice bouncing around his brain.

It got to the point where you were so excited that you didn’t even wait for his confirmation, pulling on his jacket sleeve as you shoved your phone towards him. The action caused him to mistype, causing him to lose about half an hour’s worth of work. He couldn’t help it; his brain had been battling between listening to what you were saying while doing his work that he just...broke.

“Ah! MC! Why did you do that?!” He snapped, brows furrowed as he looked down at you on the floor. You twitched from the sudden tone of voice, eyes wide with worry as you looked between the monitor and his face.

“What...I...what happened?”

“I pressed the wrong key and now...! I’ve just lost so much work; I have to do it all over again!” He groaned, slamming his hands down on his desk before hanging his head and gripping his hair. You immediately stood up, phone tucked away in your back pocket as you used your hands to grip your arms.

The guilt made a couple of tears pool in your eyes, purposely avoiding his irritated gaze as you looked down.

“I’m sorry I...I let my excitement get the best of me. I didn’t mean to be annoying and mess you up honestly I...I’m sorry!” His irritated look quickly melted at your hurt tone, his hands reaching for you right as you dashed down the hall to get to your shared bedroom.

“MC!” You slammed the door behind you, running to the bed and burying yourself under the covers. You couldn’t be mad at him; if anything you were more mad at yourself for not keeping your actions in check. After a few minutes you heard the door open, biting your lip as you kept your eyes shut.

Slowly the covers were pulled away, and you felt his warm arms snake around your waist and pull you close. He burrowed his face in your neck, his lips pressing a soft kiss to the warm area as he sighed.

“I don’t think you’re annoying…I know…I don’t…I really like listening to and hearing what you have to say even if its a lot sometimes..” His voice drifted off as he continued. “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I promise after this project I’ll take a break so we can have some time together, okay?” He mused, and that alone was enough to make you turn over in his arms and look at him.

“Are you sure?” He smiled, his eyes full of warmth as he nodded and pressed a kiss to your lips.

“I’m sure. I promise, MC.”

Saeran

The both of you had joined Zen and Yoosung for a day in the park; Saeran was still a little wary with everyone so you wanted to soften up the awkwardness with small get togethers. It was a picnic type deal; Zen and Yoosung were passing a soccer ball back and forth a few feet away while Saeran helped you set up all the food.

“Guys! Food is ready! Come eat!” The two immediately ran to the blanket, Saeran handing out the small plates you’d packed with some silverware.

“Thanks! I’m so excited, I bet you make the best food MC!” Yoosung exclaimed, hurriedly filling his plate with some food while Zen chuckled and offered you a small smile.

“Yeah; I’m really happy we get to try some of your cooking.”

“Aw, thanks guys.” The praise made you blush while Saeran took your hand in his, sending you a soft smile as he nodded.

“I can confirm; they are truly an amazing cook.” All of you chatted endlessly; you were so engrossed in the conversation that you hadn’t realized that Saeran was slowly drifting from the conversation. It wasn’t that he was suddenly disinterested; it’s just that he was still struggling with his mental health, and sometimes too many voices all at once became too much.

“MC...?” He piped up softly, but he went unheard as Yoosung cracked a joke, all of you laughing together while Saeran shut his eyes to try and focus. He was overstimulated, and his thoughts became jumbled as he struggled to get the right words out without hurting anybody’s feelings.

“MC.” This time he was more firm, but still you weren’t hearing him. He grew frustrated, biting his lip as he tried to take deep breaths. Zen had barely noticed Saeran was trying to speak, about to tell you and Yoosung to calm down. But it was too late, Saeran’s voice coming out as a yell as he finally caught your attention.

“MC! Can you please stop talking for five seconds?” Everyone froze as you stopped, looking at Saeran as he looked away. The light mood was suddenly filled with tension, his leg bouncing from anxiety while you cleared your throat.

“Sorry, Saeran...” You trailed off, Zen and Yoosung awkwardly putting their empty plates down and grabbing the soccer ball.

“We um..we’re going to kick this around for a bit. Come join us if you want to.” Zen spoke up, making eye contact with you. You furrowed your brows as he gestured his head towards Saeran who was fiddling with his fingers now. You gave a slight nod back to him, turning towards Saeran and gently taking his hands in yours.

“I’m sorry, Saeran. I should have realized, I...I didn’t realize I was being annoying.” Your choice of words made his head shoot up in anger, brows furrowed as he furiously shook his head.

“No, MC! I don’t think you’re annoying…I know…I don’t…I really like listening to and hearing what you have to say even if its a lot sometimes..” He let out a sigh, leaning his head against your shoulder as he continued speaking. “I just get overwhelmed. I appreciate you setting up these little gatherings so I can get to know everybody better, but sometimes it can be a bit too much if they’re not spaced out.”

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t express myself properly. I promise that I won’t snap at you like that again. Maybe we can come up with like...a code word? I don’t know...” He trailed off as he blushed, a small giggle leaving your lips as you cupped his face in your hand.

“Of course. How about we pack up and go home? We can talk about it more then.” You suggested, and that was enough to ease his anxiety as he pressed a small kiss to your cheek.

“Thank you, MC.”

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