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st4rry4pples · 2 years

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alas, i have made it back from the trenches (my toilet)

man, what is there to say? kate was the first real queer female representation i had seen in media, which was cool for little gay me. aidy has always been one of my favorites, she just has this loving and fun energy thats impossible to not make you smile. kyle is the most autistic non autistic person ive ever seen and i mean that in the best way possible. not only is he hilarious in all the weird shit hes done on the show but his creations outside of snl are amazing (watch brigsby bear!) and i cant wait to see what he does next (just please dont let it be dressing up as baby yoda dear god). and lastly, pete... pete davidson has gotten me thru some really shitty times. as a kid whos anxiety and hypochondria got so bad to where i couldnt leave the house, it was always cool to see a rad lad like him being so honest with his mental health struggles. ive been thru a lot with pete, all his rich fancy girlfriends, his movies. i remember one day at school i had felt depressed and completely burned out, so durinf my lunch break i watch (part of) his special alive from new york, and suddenly my troubles melted into laughter... until i would find out later that day that school would be shut down do to a pandemic 👍 but his comedy definitely distracted my anxiety for a bit which was cool. no matter his tone deaf choices in women, petey boy is always gonna have a special place in my heart :-)

now, where the hell can i start with you guys. im gonna be open here, i started liveblogging snl in feburary of 2020 (i know im ancient) then the pandemic hit and i fell into the worst mental state of my life. for once i didnt have an answer. i felt completely and utterly useless and didnt feel like i was living in my own body. every day felt the same. of top of that in august of 2020, a friend of mine took his own life. so adding grief onto my isolation made every day feel like a nightmare i couldnt wake up from... that was until i thought of actually doing something and getting in the snl liveblog tag again, where i was very pleasantly surprised at the community that had suddenly blossomed out of nowhere. at first, our crew was small, but it grew and grew with every month and soon it became a tradition i looked forward to every week. things had started to feel real again and i finally had something in life to look forward to even if it was just for an hour and a half every saturday (mid)night.

flash to a year and a half later and i can honestly say i am in the best mental state since i was a kid. sure i have my own set of problems and the world keeps getting wilder and wilder by the minute but i finally feel real yknow? im finally with my friends again and ive gotten so much better with my relationships and myself and balancing things (ok for the most lart i have a shit ton of work to do) hell even with work i finally feel an ounce of motivation, im even motivated to do stuff i like again like draw! i havent drawn reguarly in 3 years! i can honestly say that tuning in with you guys every saturday night has definitely made a difference more than you know. and while a big change may be happening to 8h, hell they got us through a big change and now its time for us to root them through one. thank you all from the bottom of my heart from hearing me ramble about my special interest, i wouldnt be who i am without snl or the comedy of the cast members throughout generations. its shaped me as a person and im proud to contribute to this niche little community :-)

i love you all, take care of yourselves, [insert an snl reference here im too tired to come up with], and i'll see you all in october :-)

#this is so long no one will read this and that is fine #snl liveblog #snl #saturday night live

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jeonjcngkook · 2 years

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2021 year in review 🎄🌟

tagged by: @kithtaehyung , @gimbapchefs , @minieggukie , @heybaetae , @jiminswn , @hobeah , @min-boongie

thank u for all that have tagged me, im away to make through all ur tagged content n adding them to my queue!

it has been fun going through my last year to see the progress from where i was to where i am now. honestly though? i dont feel like too much has changed from myself in my style. my colouring has definitely come through the better end and i feel like im able to preserve so much n save skin tones better! it has still only been 1yr & 3months that ive been making gifs so im still very new n everyday is a school day; nevertheless, im excited to learn more n keep growing my content.

a big thank u to everyone who has liked / reblogged / commented on anything of mine, be it a gif, a fic, a text post or simply just a nice ask, its that that puts a smile on my face <333 n to the friends ive met too, ur every reason why hellsite.com is worth staying on.

my picks under the cut / ult favs highlighted :

♡ janurary;

most popular: koos tattoos shown in hd - 7.3k

my favourite: joon getting teary eyed | yoongi being hot

say something: in january i had only been giffing for 3 months so these turned out so well. it was my first time experimenting w gifs bigger than 540x520 so im pleased w how the turned out.

♡ february;

most popular: v putting the v in violence - 3.0k

my favourite: blue kooberry | happy joon

say something: my tae set was one of the more vibrant sets i made that had so much detail too it. it couldnt have come out better!! blue kooberry is named after a fic my lil maggie wrote n he will live inside my heart n mind forever!

♡ march;

most popular: yoonjinkook monstrosity - 4.5k

my favourite: jaykay certified rockstar | 5th muster tae | 5th muster namjoon | leonardo da jungkook | 5th muster taejoon

say something: march was a good month for me, as much as the yoonjinkook moment was a hit, i really put my heart n soul into certified rockstar koo. that's truly my calling is rockstar goth boyf baby. BUT WE CAN NEVER LEAVE 5TH MUSTER TAEHYUNG OR NAMJOON OUT BECAUSE THAT WAS DEATHLY

♡ april;

most popular: a born singer - 2.6k

my favourite: those see through pyjamas fgshfhsrj | VIBRANT TATTOOS | this vmin stage moment | my first euphoria set

say something: IT IS THE MONTH OF THE SEE THROUGH CO-ORD WHERE THE ENTIRE WORLD AROUND ME STOPPED TO SEE HIM HIP THRUSTING TO BAEPSAE I DONT THINK I CAN TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN???÷} \¿©™} ¡|>,,,, away from that, the vibrant tattoos set was a win for me bcs i managed to keep it dark like my aesthetic yet preserve the detailing and his tattoos turned out BEAUTIFULLY <333

♡ august;

most popular: jungkook - 1st half of 2021 - 2.8k

say something - jungkook 1st half of 2021 sits rightfully on top its throne. part 2 coming this week. away from koo tho, this kitty gang jimin set for @ppersonna was truly a gift n im so proud of that set. YOUNG GOD DIOR HOBI IS A WHOLE FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH skajaljajalah

♡ september;

most popular: galaxies are hidden inside his eyes - 1.5k

my favourite: tattoo taehyung | tummy jimin | cherry koo

say something: from the month of september onwards my rate of giffing has come to a stop. i only had a handful as i was struggling w some illnesses outside tumblr. im not exactly happy with these gifs but i think tummy jimin for @jiminslight was my favourite.

♡ october;

most popular: jungkook 2021 seasons greeting - 2.5k

my favourite: my time jungkook | sexy pied piper jungkook | taehyung biting his lip

say something: again, only a handful made this month so hard to pick my favourites out but who can resist some jaykay in leather with his piercings out sitting on a harley davidson, bro hes out for my blood.

♡ november;

most popular: mots jungkook jacket shooting - 1.6k

my favourite: mots jungkook jacket shooting

say something: sksksk i only made 3 gifs in november n sexy my time koo saving me once more. listen, not to blow my own horn or anything but the vibrancy and colouring i did is so hot, i give myself 12 outta 10.

♡ december;

most popular: ptd on stage live in los angeles yoongi - 1.6k

my favourite: ptd on stage live in los angeles jungkook | pretty romantic jungkook | the jords rockstar goth bf agenda that got brought to life

say something: PRETTY ROMANTIC FLOWER BOY KOO DESERVED BETTER BUT TAGS ARENT WORKING SO HE LIVES IN THE SHADOWS 😭😭 but ptd los angeles yoonkook aaf<333 IT ONLY TOOK 12 MONTHS BUT THEY BROUGHT ROCKSTAR GOTH BOYFRIEND TO LIFE

tagging: @kimtaehyunq @loverjimin @kimtaegis @jjungcooks @namgination @suga-ssi @v-hobi @kkulmoon @taeyungie @honsool @userjiminie @jimimn @rainycle @hopekidoki @eternal-bangtan @taejoonies @blooodsweatandtears @intokook @sugajimin @yoongi-bts @bisexualrapline @taee @sugaftrm @supertunajin @taehyungq @taejinnies @jiminslight @jimeanour

please dont feel obligated to do this if u arent interested ! happy holidays ♡♡

#tag games #content creator year in review #im so sick this has taken me like 3 days to completely ew

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peacedolantwins · 4 years

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Pain and Embarrassment pt 3

part of my family series

part 1

part 2

It had been 3 months since Ethan decided to ruin not only your relationship, but also the relationship he had with his kids. You had hardly spoken to him since you went out to California to be with your family. You had only called a few times to let him know that you would be back in time for the kids to start school in the fall.

There was so much he wanted to tell you, apologize for, but each time he tried either he couldnt find the words or you hung up before he got the chance to say anything. He had hardly talked to his kids these past months. Skylar and Connor wanted nothing to do with him. He expected as much from Connor, but Sky not wanting to talk to him hurt more than he thought it would. Everyone was handling this differently and coping the best they could.

The little girl who was his whole world from the moment she was born didnt want to talk to her dad. The one man she thought would never hurt her, the one she thought she could trust with her whole heart and would always be there was the one who just did the most damage. She couldnt understand how Ethan could have done something like this to not only you but to her family. The girl Ethan cheated with was only a few years older than she was and she couldnt help but think about all the times she had been to his office and had conversations with this woman. She felt like she had a part to play in this for not seeing it.

Connor not wanting to talk to him hurt in a different way than the rest. Ethan knew he could try and patch up his relationship with the other kids but it felt like there was nothing left to try and fix with Connor. He was gone all the time overseas, he had limited communication and he only came home once in a blue moon. There was no way he could try and sit down with his son unless Connor allowed it and he severely doubted that was going to happen anytime soon. Ethan knew that you were Connors whole world, you could do no wrong in his eyes and he practically worshiped the ground you walked on and while the other kids would tease him about being a mamas boy, Ethan was proud his son was so protective of you. However, this is when it seems to have backfired on him because as soon as he lost you he should have known he’d lose his son too.

Alex and Riley were understandably upset with him. They spoke to him a few times just to call and check in and let Ethan know they were okay. While they havent forgiven him, they wanted to try and move on. He was their dad, and while that doesnt give him a pass for what he did, they love him.

Noah, always looking up to Connor, followed in his big brothers steps and decided he didnt want to talk to Ethan at all. The only times Ethan managed to get Noah on the phone was when you forced him to because while Ethan hurt you, you werent going to cut him off from his own children as much as you might have wanted to. The few conversations he had with his son were short and to the point. Simple answers, he wouldnt talk about anything and Noah always kept the calls under five minutes, almost as if he had a timer running in the background and the dial tone was the alarm that let Ethan know his time was up.

Elise was the only one who would talk to him. She knew something was wrong, she knew he cheated but she didnt completely understand it and what it meant. She knew you were upset with Ethan but she only saw it as another fight that the two of you had and that you would all be okay once everyone said sorry. She missed her dad. She told you as much and she asked when you would be going back home.

And then there was you. You were trying to figure out what all of this meant for you. The relationship you had with Ethan was ruined, you knew that much for sure. But were you going to go back to New Jersey? Still live with the man who cheated on you in your own house? In your own bed? Part of you wanted to try and fix this, if not for you then for your kids. But was this something that could be fixed? You didnt think this was.

At first you were hurt when you found out. Why would your husband do this? Why would he go out and cheat repeatedly while you were home and suspected nothing? Was it something that you did that drove him to this other woman? Was it because you lost the baby? It was something that you two had argued about before and according to Ethan, the timeline matched up.

But the more you thought about it, while you were still hurt, you were angry now. None of this was your fault. You were not responsible for your cheating husband under any circumstances. He made his own choices freely and that wasnt on you. He was the one who messed up and ruined what you two had. Once you had realized all of this you were finally able to start moving on.

You still wanted answers from Ethan, but the answers wouldnt change anything. Your marriage was over, but hearing his explanation would help give you the closure you needed.

It was now August and the kids would be starting school in a few weeks so it was time to head back to Jersey. The twins had decided to do online school, not wanting to deal with their classmates and you respected that choice. You felt they were old enough to make that choice for themselves. You had asked Noah if he wanted to do the same but he was very much against it because that meant he would be home more often with Ethan and he would much rather deal with kids at school then spend more time with his cheating father. Lizzy however was excited to go back to school because that meant she got to see her friends again and spend time with her dad who she hasnt seen all summer.

You had already talked to Grayson about picking you up from the airport and taking the kids with him for a few hours. You wanted to be able to talk to Ethan alone first without the kids being there in case things got heated between you two. They didnt need to listen to the possible yelling. And Grayson was more than happy to get to spend some time with his niece and nephew. He dropped you off with all the luggage back at the house you shared with Ethan and left with the kids.

You took a breath and dragged the bags up the porch and into the house and left them by the stairs. The kids could use unpacking as an excuse not to talk to Ethan if they wanted to. You were debating about where to take your things when Ethan came in from the living room.

“Hey,” he said hesitantly.

“Hi,” you didnt know what else to say.

“I, uh, I moved to one of the guest rooms so you can take our room,” Ethan rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“No, I’ll take one of the rooms.” There was no way you were willingly sleeping in the same bed he had sex with that girl in. He made his bed, now he can lay in it. Literally.

Ethan seemed to have come to the same realization and simply nodded.

“You cut your hair,” he motioned to your hair that was now just above your shoulders.

“Yeah, heard you had a thing for girls with long hair,” you replied and pushed your hair back behind your ear, not seeing him flinch at your words. Your long hair had reminded you of the girl with waist long hair he cheated with and you cut yours as soon as you could.

“Y/n,” you could see the pain in his eyes at your remark. Good. He had no right to be the one who hurt.

“What?” What was there to say?

“Are we seriously going to start this now?” He has gone from apologetic to now annoyed.

“I’m not starting anything, you did that when you couldn’t keep it in your pants,” you pointed out.

“Y/n, I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry I cheated, it was a mistake.”

“A mistake? Ethan, a mistake is putting a red shirt with the white clothes. A mistake is forgetting to pick up something from the store. A mistake is something you can forgive. A mistake is an accident. You don’t accidentally have sex with someone over and over again. You did that knowing what the consequences would be and you did it anyway! You don’t get to stand there and tell me this was a mistake!” You were shouting at this point but you didn’t care.

“You know the sad thing is that maybe, just maybe, I could have forgiven the first time. Maybe it would have been something we could fix. But this? This is so broken there’s nothing left to fix.”

“No, no, we can work through this. We can, I don’t know, go to counseling or something, but Y/n please,” he wasn’t going to let this end. He couldn’t.

“I want a divorce.” You said simply and took out the folder of documents that had to be signed.

“Y/n,” he said quietly.

“Please don’t fight me on this. After what you put me through it’s the least you can give me. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. We don’t need to waste money on lawyers. Sign it and we can move on.” You held out the folder to him.

“I’m not going to sign that,” he took a step back from the offending papers.

“Ethan please.”

“No.”

“Why not? Ethan this marriage is over. There’s nothing left here, not after this. You clearly didn’t care about us when you decided to cheat on me so just sign the damn papers!” You shoved the folder to his chest only for it to fall to the ground when he failed to catch it.

“No! Because once I sign this that means we’re done. That means that you’re gone and I’ll have nothing left! I’ll lose you completely and call me selfish but I don’t want that! I want to fix this Y/n, please.” Ethan looked close to tears at this point. He knew he fucked up but he didn’t think you would bring up divorce this soon and he definitely wasn’t expecting you to have the papers with you as soon as you came home.

“Well I don’t! Would you forgive me if I had an affair? If I slept with someone I worked with over and over again? If I went public about it before I told you? If I brought this person into our bed for over a year?”

Silence.

“I didn’t think so. And I wouldn’t expect you to forgive something like that. So please don’t ask the same of me.” You pleaded with him.

“You expect me not to fight for my family? Y/n, you and the kids are my whole world. And I’m so sorry that I fucked it all up. But if you think I’m going to just let you walk out of my life without a fight you’re wrong.”

You let out a deep breath and walked over to the couch closest to you and sat down. Ethan moved to sit across from you, still leaving the folder on the floor. A small part of you wondered if his mistress sat on this same couch that your kids would spend hours on or if he kept her limited to your bed.

“Ethan I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. I’m not gonna change my mind on this so please don’t drag it out longer than it needs to be. I appreciate that you want to fight for this relationship but it’s useless. I’m sorry but I am not going to sit here and let you think there’s a chance of forgetting what happened because there’s not.” Why give him a flicker of hope when there was none?

“So what? You’re just gonna go? Take the kids with you? They’re my kids too.” If Ethan couldn’t fight for you anymore there wasn’t a chance in hell he wasn’t going to fight for his children.

“I never said I was leaving. Or that I was going to take them. Despite all of this, I don’t want to split up this family. The kids don’t deserve that and as their mother it’s my job to take care of them regardless of what happened and how I feel. They come first. Always.” You could be civil with Ethan but things were never going to be the same.

“I would still live here, in another room obviously. Think of it as having a roommate who you just happen to be raising children with.”

“You’ve thought it through havent you?” You could see the defeat starting to take over his features.

“I have.” You nodded. “We’ve all been through enough. We don’t need more change. And if this is something we can’t live with, we cross that bridge when we get to it and figure out what to do then. I don’t want to split up this family if I don’t have to, but Ethan I need you to sign the papers. I can’t let myself be legally bound to you after all of this. I just can’t.”

Ethan seemed to accept this. He didn’t look thrilled about it but he seemed to understand.

“I still want a lawyer to go over it before I sign it,” he said it so quietly you almost didn’t hear him.

“Of course. Thank you,” you were glad he was agreeing to it.

You got up to go into one of the guest rooms that would now be yours when you heard him call your name.

“Y/n?”

“Hm?” You stopped and turned.

“Are we ever going to be okay?” He looked up at you from where he still sat on the couch.

Would you? You hadn’t really thought that far ahead about the situation.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I hope we can eventually, for what it’s worth. But it’s going to take time.”

Ethan simply nodded at your response.

You grabbed your luggage from where you left it at the stairs and dragged it off to your new room. Everything might still be broken but that’s all it is. Broken. It can be fixed over time but the scars and cracks will always be there. Only time will make this whole thing fade away.

@pgm-dolan @dolandolll @dolanshellyes @mysecretsaremydemons @mmmmmgd @ethandolxns @dolantwinsfavss@knee-deep-in-feels @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @sarcasm-at-its-finest2444 @fandomsfeministsandothershit @graydolan12 @ilsolee @inlovewithethandolan @someonedoingnothing @vintagebitttch @sunshinedolantwins @chonisberonica @ardordolan @ethantasy @wasabisama331 @graysavant @atlas-of-a-human-soul @wolfpuppii009 @livexdolan if you wanna be added/want me to stop tagging you just let me know

also pls comment/like/reblog it makes me feel better about myself and gives the validation i desperately crave thank you

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gunmetalgrey-trashpile · 3 years

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SMS [ bucky ] : for @diabolicaltendencies

SMS [ bucky ] : i know everything about him, more than anyone SMS [ august 📷 ] : but good luck kicking my ass, id like to see it

SMS [ bucky ] : ive fucked over bigger people than u pal dislocated my brothers shoulder and he’s 6.3 u even got two shoulders?? SMS [ bucky ] : height isnt everything i got one and a half SMS [ bucky ] : so that’s half the job done right there Ur literally fighting with an arm tied behind ur back bro SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah and ill still beat you ask august abt that SMS [ bucky ] : fat chance loverboy even my fucking ex was bigger than u and I put him in A&E U fought Auggie?? u really do have a death wish SMS [ august 📷 ] : we didn't fight fight but i can beat him at armwrestling so ill take my chances with you SMS [ bucky ] : he’s got a heart probably did it bc he felt bad 4u SMS [ august 📷 ] : oh no this was a fair fight SMS [ bucky ] : says who SMS [ august 📷 ] : me and if you ask august, him too SMS [ bucky ] : ill yell at him through the door although maybe he’s not so strong he hasn’t broken it SMS [ august 📷 ] : im rooting for him to kick it down i just think itd be fun but yeah see what he says SMS [ bucky ] : i will kill you and dump ur body off a bridge SMS [ august 📷 ] : you wish i liked it better when you werent threatening murder SMS [ bucky ] : tough titties SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah i guess so SMS [ bucky ] : he won’t reply I think he might be sulking SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah well you stole his phone SMS [ bucky ] : that doesn’t make him special i don’t have a phone what was I supposed to do SMS [ august 📷 ] : get a phone of your own? SMS [ bucky ] : gross -100 why would you even suggest that SMS [ august 📷 ] : because thats what normal people do SMS [ bucky ] : what am I then Choose ur next words carefully SMS [ august 📷 ] : not normal SMS [ bucky ] : :middle_finger1: SMS [ august 📷 ] : you asked for it and i was nice SMS [ bucky ] : I am a GIFT My presence is a PRESENT You are lucky to have any of my time thank you very much SMS [ august 📷 ] : am i? i mostly remember being interrogated SMS [ bucky ] : not everyone gets that pleasure ok SMS [ august 📷 ] : do other people keep a closer eye on their phones? SMS [ bucky ] : you’d think so but no I’m pretty sure my brother has a fake one as he’s less bothered about it SMS [ august 📷 ] : which one? but it seems likely, if this is something you do a lot SMS [ bucky ] : the politician don’t see much of the other two SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah wouldnt be surprised really? i guess august said severin was a doctor SMS [ bucky ] : docs busy yeah baby’s song whatever he does mynameisuntoldYesterday at 22:12 i guess it's hard to keep track with so many of you SMS [ bucky ] : so many better get learning pal if you ever want to make it that far mynameisuntoldYesterday at 22:14 i've got a handle on what he's told me so far but yeah i'll do what i can SMS [ bucky ] : august tell you much about his side? mynameisuntoldYesterday at 22:15 a little bit - he mentioned his brother SMS [ bucky ] : Must not like you that much then SMS [ august 📷 ] : how come? he's allowed some privacy though apparently not from you SMS [ bucky ] : privacy and trust aren’t the same thing SMS [ august 📷 ] : okay yeah thats true but i dont think hes cheating or anything and if i dont have his trust thats on me SMS [ bucky ] : it is buckski SMS [ august 📷 ] : i am actually trying with him just so we're clear SMS [ bucky ] : what does trying look like cheating?? ur at the monogamy stage?? SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah i think so SMS [ bucky ] : or is this assuming?? SMS [ august 📷 ] : half assuming half it's been long enough that i wouldnt be surprised given that he's kept coming back, im counting that as a win since he's all over the world half the time SMS [ bucky ] : wow sounds like someone needs a big boy conversation SMS [ august 📷 ] : probably but im not having that with you SMS [ bucky ] : why not im a big boy SMS [ august 📷 ] : because it's between me and him SMS [ bucky ] : I am now the referee of ur relationship do u really like him SMS [ august 📷 ] : that's weird yes SMS [ bucky ] : promise me i will fuck ur life up of you mess with him im not kidding SMS [ august 📷 ] : i promise SMS [ bucky ] : im an expert at it SMS [ august 📷 ] : you've got my full backing to fucking up lives? SMS [ bucky ] : google me you’ll see he deserves someone who’s going to put him first no matter what SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah ill do that he does and i hope i can SMS [ bucky ] : so you break his heart you’ll live in total misery till ur dying day or I kill u Whichever comes first SMS [ august 📷 ] : good shovel talk its good you care about him and ill keep it in mind SMS [ bucky ] : more than anything pal you should be very afraid of me SMS [ august 📷 ] : ill allow you that id be afraid to see what youd do even if i can definitely take you in a fight SMS [ bucky ] : watch ur back I come armed which is easy in ur country SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah dont fucking remind me not to say i probably couldnt come armed too for that exact reason SMS [ bucky ] : u shoot? SMS [ august 📷 ] : not much anymore but yeah army SMS [ bucky ] : wait that’s what you meant by vet ahhhhhhhhhh SMS [ august 📷 ] : yeah did you think i worked with animals fuck that's hilarious and that's why i can take you in a fight SMS [ bucky ] : shut the fuck up SMS [ august 📷 ] : no im having a good time SMS [ bucky ] : why was I supposed to think it WASNT that SMS [ august 📷 ] : because its obvious??? add the arm and you've got all the context you could want SMS [ bucky ] : you could have lost it to a big dog or a horse idk SMS [ august 📷 ] : i dont live near horses but yeah maybe or a rat theyre big here SMS [ bucky ] : HOW BIG SMS [ august 📷 ] : i knew someone who saw one that was catsized SMS [ bucky ] : yh good luck m8 of ur not a horse guy SMS [ august 📷 ] : definitely seen one close to that why oh your family yeah ive never rode SMS [ bucky ] : well now I want u to survive the fight just to die that way SMS [ august 📷 ] : ill survive the fight and watch for rogue horses

#discord thread 001.5 | bucky and alex texts #epiitaphs #v; ⋱ it’s just another graceless night - but when we’re dancing I’m alright ⋰ ⦙ |*| ( alternate musicians )#diabolicaltendencies

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the-gay-cryptid · 4 years

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Okay, I'm super pissed right now and I dont want to bother my friends with this, theyve got shit of their own, I just need to get the angry out of my system.

I want to shave my head. I want to because it would give me a feeling of control and it's the much safer, less permanent, and less painful of my three options: shave head, get piercing, get tattoo. Since whatever I picked would be self done, I naturally went with shaving my head.

I'm no fucking idiot though, I've done my research. I know that, because of my hair type and my own preferences, I dont want it too short. I would first get a #8 attachment, which it the longest you can get. That's what I would use. I looked up a video of someone comparing the lengths of each attachment when actually used on hair, so I have a better idea of what it would actually look like since I'm not good at visualizing lengths.

I was going to tell my mom all this, show her that this isnt a sudden decision, and that I've actually done research and know what to do/expect. It was still entirely possible she'd say no, but this approach was my best chance to convince her.

I told me dad this morning, "I want to shave my head. I think I'd have to order attachments since your clippers are too short, but its definitely doable." I said it this way because I've never had to prove to my dad that I know what I'm doing, like I'm writing a damn research paper.

He wasnt a fan, because he thinks I'll look like a man. He doesnt want me to look too masculine. That's a problem to revisit at a later time. I pointed out that I already look like a boy when I wear hats, my hair grows out fast, and that how he wants me to look isnt my problem. He conceded to all three points, though he still wasnt a fan. He wouldnt stop me, but we both knew I had to convince mom before I even picked up the clippers.

Mom came in, and we said good morning and so on. Then Dad says "she wants to shave her head." Which was the absolute worst possible way to introduce that to my mother.

To her credit, she handled it well. She said she didnt think it would suit my head shape, but if I wanted to I couldn't but if I did it she wasnt going to pay for my hair appointments anymore, even if I grew my hair out again. I wouldnt really mind paying for my own cuts and colors, it's just that it's kinda expensive and I have 10$ and no income until August assuming we're back on campus next semester. I figured I'd think about it.

I took a shower, did makeup, and finished making some earrings I started last night. Then I went to show my parents, because i was proud and I thought they looked cool.

Dad loved them, mom definitely thought they were tacky, but I'm used to that and she's given up trying to convince me that tacky jewelry is bad.

She was making a face that screamed "not a fan", and I asked her why she was making said face. I expected a comment about how people would judge me, and I was totally emotionally prepared for that and ready to let it roll off. But instead, she says

"This doesn't seem like a good use of your time. I just dont feel like enough work is getting done"

I dont know if any of you know this about me, but I'm very sensitive about my work ethic. I've had problems in the past, but I've worked fucking hard to learn the self discipline and time management I have today. It's not perfect, but I'm better than I was. So when people imply that I'm not doing enough, or I'm lazy, or that I'm wasting my time instead of working, I take it a little harder than most.

I didnt linger, because it wouldnt help anyone. I just left and waited in the kitchen to vent to my dad.

"I just wanted to show her something cool." I said. I kept my voice low, because mom has a habit of walking in when I'm venting about her and then getting overly offended and turning it into me being disrespectful. "And she just ignored it-" at which point my dad cut me off. He doesnt like when I complain about mom. He doesnt like the confrontation that occurs if she over hears, and he doesnt like seeing her upset that her kid is implying shes a bad mom. She isnt, but she's not perfect, and as a grown ass woman who lectures me about the same flaw, she should be able to take criticism.

I'm still a bit pissed, so I just grabbed my laptop and went upstairs to do schoolwork. I dont have much to do, since, contrary to my mother's suggestion, I'm very on top of my work, and even ahead on some of it.

Just now, I went down stairs to take a break and grab my house shoes. I talked to my dad a little bit about some netflix shows. Then, because I thought maybe I could sway him a little, I showed him the video of someone comparing all the attachments and how short they actually cut.

I also pointed out that mom wouldve reacted better if hed let me explain what I wanted. He disagreed, so I told him how I'd present the idea:

"I have something I want to do, and I've done a lot of research, so I understand what to do, what I'd need, and how to do it the way I have in mind. I'd like to shave my head, not super short though. I'd use the longest attachment..." et cetera, et cetera.

Basically I'd just prove to her this wasnt decided on a whim. And then I'd ask her opinion. She'd hate it, but at least she'd probably consider it. Even Dad admitted it might have worked.

I started telling him why I wanted to do it, the whole needing to feel in control thing. But he was putting away clothes and heading his and Moms room, and if mom heard me talking through all this she'd get mad and double down on the "fuck no" stance. So I dropped it for now.

But then my dad thought hed be real fucking funny. I was standing in the bathroom with him, and he turned on his clippers and started to reach for my hair. I grabbed his arm to stop him. I knew he was joking, it was just my knee jerk reaction since his clippers have NO attachment and would actually buzz my head completely.

He then said, very smugly, that that's the reaction of someone who doesn't actually want to shave their head. I told him that wasnt funny, and started to explain that I stopped him because it wouldve been the wrong length.

But mom, being in the bedroom right fucking next to us, got PISSED. She then informed us, mainly me, that I wasnt allowed to shave my head, and that she'd be so furious if I did it. And now i was mad with both of my parents.

Since I couldnt be delicate about it anymore, I told her point blank the whole conversation this morning wouldve gone better if dad hadnt said anything, and that I was going to actually explain myself before telling her I wanted to shave my head.

She listened to my whole explanation. I'll give her that. But when I finished, she just hummed and went back to her work. Which is mom for "fuck no, and this is a stupid idea."

As all conversations with my mother inevitably go, I went to the kitchen to talk to dad. I told him he shouldnt have done any of that, and that now, because of him goofing off, mom wasnt taking anything of said seriously.

He told me he was sorry he did that, but that he didn't want me to do it anyway. I reminded him, in far less polite terms than usual, that I dont care what he thinks and that it's my hair and my choice.

He agreed and apologized again, still just as insincere.

Since I didnt have the patience or calmness to try and talk about it further, I went back upstairs. I heard him calling me a little bit ago, probably to talk again, but I'm still fucking angry.

Because of him not only taking away my ability to bring this up with my mom on my own terms, and then ruining any chances of her taking me seriously, theres no way in hell I'm going to be able to do what I wanted. I know shaving my head isnt that big of a deal, but the amount of bullshit its brought out of them both is infuriating.

If he'd just kept his fucking mouth shut this morning, all this could've gone so much better.

#im just mad #and i dont want to bother my froends #and i cant vent to my parents for obvious reasons #and my brother's at work #so its all fucking pent up with nowhere to go #so im putting it here #my post #ranting #venting

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the-queer-look · 5 years

Text

The bonds that tie

No one is ever late to finding out their sexuality. No one is ever late with coming out. Everything takes time, and for some people that takes longer than others. Cultural and social circumstances can have a huge effect on how and when we begin to understand and accept ourselves, and in some parts of the world, that can have a deeply negative impact on our sense of self worth. Nevertheless, being true to ones self leads to deeper, more positive connections with those around you.

- K

Name: Jacob

age: 32

occupation: Refugee Assistance

Location: Liverpool

Gender: Male

sexuality: Gay

My name is Jacob, Im 32 years old, Australian, from an Iraqi background, with Assyrian nationality, and I am a gay man. I like to think of myself as a very easy going guy, although a lot of people seem to misunderstand my personality and think of me as a snob, or make a point of saying how I am very quite. I think that is because I am generally a shy person, largely because of being self conscious about my accent, I’m worried about saying something wrong, or not speaking fast enough. I always need to translate what I want to say into english in my head before actually saying it. I’ve always had a love of helping people, which is why I work for a government program designed to assist refugees secure housing and establish their first initial accomodation in Australia, which I’ve been working in for the past five years. My initial degree was in IT, which I gained back in Iraq, but once I finished my degree I realised that I wasnt very passionate about coding and working with computers, I just did the degree to satisfy my parents, so I worked with a newspaper and became a journalist until I left Iraq in 2010. I lived in Istanbul for a couple of years before moving to Australia as a part of my journey as an asylum seeker. I’ve been in Australia for about 6 years.

Upon moving to Australia it was very challenging to find work as a journalist, with English being my fifth language, and the competition for journalism jobs in Australia being so high, so I began assisting people who’d gone through my own journey, first as an interpreter, and then moving into community services and case management, and I’ve now done a diploma in social housing as well, and currently completing studies in social work with the University of Western Sydney, hopefully next year.

I think I realised that I was attracted to men when I was about 14 or 15 years of age, but because back then in Iraq there wasnt any access to the internet, nor anyone that you could really come out to and talk with about it, I felt extremely abnormal. I thought that it was just me, and that I was different to everyone else, it was at a time when all of my peers had girlfriends, and thinking about getting married and stuff. I met my first girlfriend when I was 17, and fell in love for the first time when I was 21 back in ui with one of my classmates, but of course that didnt last. I always felt like I was going down the wrong path, because even though I was dating women like I “should”, I still felt attracted to guys. Eventually I got the chance to speak to people through the internet, and found out what being gay was, and realised that I wasn’t an aberration. It gave me the tools to discover who I truly am. I dated my first guy when I was 24, which was when I was able to accept it, and I’ve identified as gay since then.

I did feel very strongly that I didnt belong in the society over there, with LGBTQIA+ people not being talked about at all, and such a religious culture which openly hated gay people… Growing up in a muslim society was very challenging, as the only Catholic guy in primary and middle school, with a western name as well, it didnt make it any easier to come to terms with my sexual orientation. I was bullied quite a lot for the way I dressed and acted, for not having a girlfriend etc. And that challenge moved to my home, the struggle about how to let my family accept me, the isolation that you feel as you build up to coming out to your family… Being gay, and the youngest in the family, in a very religious, Catholic family was not the easiest.

Eventually, even after moving out with friends after graduation, I was still very close with my family and dreaded the idea of coming out to them, and the possible disconnect from those family ties. Because I couldnt think of anything worse than not being able to see my nephews and nieces, of spending time with my parents. But eventually I had to be selfish for once, and I came out to them in August 2018. It was really hard for them in the beginning, they were really shocked, but we had a serious chat a few days later. I just realised, they always knew but they kind of denied within themselves, because of them… I looked different to any other gay guy that they knew of… I didnt fit those stereotypes that they thought of. I just did my best to educate them and make them believe it. At the beginning they were saying “You’re only saying that because you dont want to get married” and all this kind of stuff. I had to give them examples of people that I’d introduced them to and tell them that they were actually past boyfriends for them to accept the fact that I’m actually a gay guy.

They were expecting, even though we live in Australia now, that coming out to everyone would get me fired, or beaten up at work. They had no idea about the anti-discrimination laws in Australia, they even asked me about whether there was any sort of gay community in Sydney. Obviously it was a bit much for them, they offered me church conversion therapies, they offered me medications, they asked me to go on a blind date with a girl that might change my mind, but obviously none of those were options. I’ve asked them to accept who I am, and if not then they can continue their lives without me in it. But it didnt actually take any longer than two weeks before they started inviting me to family gatherings again, and our relationship now is even closer than what it was before. I’m so much more comfortable being myself around them, I dont feel like I have to hide myself, and pretend to be straight anymore that I used to do before. My whole family is so much closer now and I’m very grateful.

For my fmily I’ve always been the rebel. I was the first to move out of home, even though I’m the youngest. All of my brothers were getting engaged and married and still living with my parents. I moved out when I finished my studies, and everyone was against it. There’s this stigma in middle eastern culture that a young man should not move out of his family home before he gets married, because that will ruin his reputation and morals, and will have temptation to do bad things. There’ve always been comments about the way I dress, because my fashion choices were not very accepted, I followed the western singers on TV and stuff. And when I had my first piercing, an eyebrow piercing when I was 24, my family didnt talk to me for about two weeks because they thought it was too gay… surprise! It got even worse when I got my first tattoo, my friends would say to me “you look like a homeless person” “you look like you have no morals” etc, etc. When I got my ears pierced, they started saying that “you look like a faggot” which was really harsh. But I’ve always wanted to do what represents me, not to follow a group f people or act like someone else. I want to present myself in a way that represents myself, and I have always felt free to change my looks or the way I dress.

Things have definitely changed about the way I dress and act since I came out. I feel like I’m out of my shell, especially at work, I no longer feel the need to try to blend in anymore. Luckily the diversity at my work is very broad, so looking different isn’t a big deal. So far out of nearly 50 staff, I’m the only that is openly gay, which means of course I was picked by the inclusion co-ordinator to become the LGBTQIA+ champion fo the office, so staff could approach me to ask for resources and assistance when they have clients in the LGBTQIA+ community. And now I have the pride flag on my desk and people get shocked when they see it, and I can almost see the question marks appearing over their head as they stand there. But yes, I am definitely more comfortable being myself at work, that comfort in being who I am has helped my relationship with my managers because it’s like being a bird, and you finally learn how to fly, that’s how it feels for me to be out.

please contact us if you would like to be involved!

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

Text

ask you destiny to dance [7] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“What did you do? Ash is more pissed at you than usual.” Brian’s looking covertly between Ash wiping glasses at the bar, and Roger, adjusting the height of his high hats a few weeks after he’d confronted her about August. She hadn’t spoken to him directly since then, but the other band members were starting to catch on.

“I didn’t do anything-” Roger tries to protest, but Freddie’s laugh cuts him off.

“He made a comment about Pocket Rocket’s dear friend.” Freddie adds, having adapted to the nickname with ease, an amused smile on his face as he looks at Roger over his shoulder.

“You mean her boyfriend.” Roger snaps, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ash tense at the bar, giving away her eavesdropping, though he didn’t call her out on it.

“Ash isn’t dating that guy, he’s like forty.” Brian laughed, but Roger caught the way Freddie’s expression darkened, though he didn’t dwell on it, and Roger’s own smile became knowing and bitter.

“Yeah, listen Bri, I know what I said.” He responded venomously, and the mood around them sobered considerably. “I don’t like him, okay, he’s too old for her,” after a beat, he wrinkled his nose, “got a dickhead aura.”

“You’ve met him once.” John points out, trying to lighten the aura. Roger just bristled at the statement.

“Rog is just fond of her,” Freddie cuts in, voice a little condescending, smile mischievous, “let him be jealous, it might take him down a peg or two.”

“I’m not bloody jealous of that creep!” After a beat of feeling particularly hurt, and Freddie’s commenting hitting a little too close to home, he hears himself lashing out, “And how low do you think my standards really are, Freds?” And that shocked Freddie into silence, eyes wide and disbelieving, his eyebrows raised, as he turned away, jaw clenched.

“You really are just trying to burn that bridge while we’re standing on it, aren’t you?” Brian shook his head, sighing heavily as he went back to his guitar.

“Roger,” John said carefully, coming over to speak quietly to the drummer, as the rest of the band turned away, uncomfortable, “let me get the drinks tonight.” And it’s not what he expected to hear, but when he looks to John, John’s looking over at the bar. Ash is making direct eye contact with him, her customer service smile looking mostly threatening as she keeps polishing the same spot on a glass. “Because that woman is going to spit in all of your drinks and make you watch.” John explains, now looking to Roger, who’s expression was carefully neutral, trying not to betray his own anger at himself. “And as much as I love our dear Pocket Rocket, it’s not something I particularly want.”

She’s definitely gone back to hating him, and he didn’t realise how much it would hurt.

The worst part is that she’s so damn happy around everyone else, and he hates himself for being hurt by that. He’s angry, but not at her (never at her, not for something like this) he’s angry because he sees the way she smiles at him from behind the bar, and he sees the way August spends more time looking at the girls in the crowd, though she can’t even tell from where she’s standing. Roger’s angry because she fucking gushes about August - “He’s just made tenure!” - and yet he won’t even touch her if there’s someone else around. He’s livid because she’s so clearly in love with him, but she still can’t bring herself to tell the others his name because she knows - knows - something’s up with August, even if she doesn’t want to admit it, even if the others can’t see it.

Except that’s not the reason she doesn’t say his name.

“He’s here at every show, we should say thank you.” Brian tries after a gig, talking mainly to Roger and John, as Freddie had been giggling with Mary, the two of them in their own little world. Ash is nowhere to be seen. Roger takes another drag of his cigarette.

“Heaps of people are fans of us, it doesn’t mean we have to personally thank them every time.” Roger scoffed, but Brian made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like he disagreed.

“It’s a show of good faith, we should at least shake hands with-” and he paused for a moment, brow furrowing, “what’d she say his name was again?”

“Doctor Reid, if I recall.” John piped up, and Brian shifted his weight, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, but what’s his first name? That sounds so formal, like, ‘Oh, can I grab you a beer Doctor Reid?’” He put on a voice, laughing at his own joke, looking to John, who just shrugged helplessly.

“August.” Roger’s voice is very quiet, hunched in on himself sitting in the back of the van. Brian frowns, leaning in a little, confused as to both how Roger has kept this for so long, and what the name actually was. “His name’s August.” Roger repeated, voice heavy but louder this time. Freddie freezes. “She calls him Gus.” He adds.

“You’re joking, right?” Freddie says into the uncertain silence, and that’s the moment that the back door comes crashing open and Ash comes out, grinning, hands in her pockets.

“Hey guys,” she grinned, nodding at them, not even sparing Roger a glace, “could I have my jacket back? You can drop the pants back tomorrow if you like.” Freddie turns to her, eyes wide, disbelieving smile still frozen almost painfully onto his face, not removing the oversized, blood red velour button down shirt Freddie had been wearing over a black singlet.

“Is that man we keep seeing Gus?” He asked, voice scarily neutral. None of the others had ever heard him like this, had barely heard Freddie genuinely angry like this, and Ash’s expression dropped.

“I’ve gotta go.” It’s not the answer any of them expect, nor is Ash turning on her heel and heading back into the pub before the door had even swung fully shut. Turning back to the band, they could all see that Freddie was livid.

“I’m going to gut the bastard. Gut him like a goddamn fish, I swear I will.” He seethed, hands curling and uncurling into fists, staring at the gravel. It was as if the air around him was snapping with the electricity of a storm. Looking up, all Freddie could see was how shocked the others were, even Roger, and he clenched his jaw, forcing himself to calm down.

“That’s the bastard that ruined her life.” He admitted through clenched teeth. “Roger’s fucking right, the man’s no good.” And Roger couldn’t even take the moment to bask in the vindication that would have usually surged through him at being told he was right, instead, his blood runs cold.

“He what?” Mary asked softly, and Freddie’s expression softened, looking finally between all of them, realising what he’d said.

“He’s the reason she was expelled from her last university, and...” Frowning, Freddie shakes his head. Brian, John, and Mary all took a moment to process this new information, shock written all over their faces. “It’s not my place,” and he started on a new strand of information, “he was her teacher, he started a clandestine affair with her when she started university, and,” pausing again, he sighed, the anger still clearly flowing through him, though it had simmered down to a bitter rage, “not my place.” He repeated.

“Doesn’t he have a wife and family? How old was she?” Brian asked, a little aghast, and Freddie sighed.

“She was eighteen.” Freddie sighed.

“She was a kid.” Roger breathed, anger bubbling up inside of him.

“Hey, that’s only a year younger than me.” John pointed out, but Roger turned on him.

“Oh, I’m sorry John, are you having an affair with one of your teachers that we need to stage an intervention for?” He snapped, and John’s face fell, and he looked to the ground.

“I’m just saying she was an adult is all, doesn’t make it right, but she can make her own choices.” He paused. “She seems happy.” Both Freddie and Roger deflated at that, they’re all quiet for a long moment, and without a word, Freddie heads inside.

“Ash.” When he says her name, she looks up with an expression that tells him she’s ready to fight.

“He’s different now, Freddie.” She tells him, already defending herself and the man who she knows in her heart probably doesn’t deserve it. Freddie was ready to fight him the moment he heard August’s name, and he didn’t even know the full story. Sure he could gather the impact it had on Ash, but he never really truly realised the effect August had on her.

“What does that mean, Ash? What exactly is keeping me from coming over here and beating him bloody with my microphone next time we play here?” Freddie asked, voice very serious. Pulling off her apron, Ash told Maureen, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, that she was knocking off for the night, which Maureen agreed to, and Ash walked around the bar and took Freddie’s hand.

“We’re not having this conversation here.” She hissed, pulling him into the staff bathroom and locking it behind them. “I love him.” She said through gritted teeth, crossing her hands over her chest, looking away. “And after everything I did, I think he still loves me too.”

“After everything you- Ash do you hear yourself?” Freddie takes a deep breath, steadying himself, holding her shoulders, “He start an affair with you, his student, refuse to be seen with you in public, and used his power within the faculty to kick you out of school when you wanted to stop-”

“I only wanted to stop because I found out he was engaged when his fiance found out about me!” Ash cried, as if it were somehow her fault. Freddie actually stepped back.

“Found out about you- He was engaged?!” He whispered, eyes wide and horrified. “Darling that’s nowhere near being your fault. He had a whole town calling you a slut and a homewrecker; he didn’t love you, he ran you out of Scotland.”

“He ran me out of Fife.” She spits back the correction. “I would know, I was there.” But she doesn’t seem to connect to the words he’s saying, it’s as if she’s replayed the events in her head so many times that she’s become desensitised to it. “But he’s changed, I was practically a kid last time, I’m different now too. And if he didn’t love me then,” she looks a little hurt as she says it, and Freddie doesn’t know if he wants to hug her or shake some sense into her, “well I think he does now.” After a beat she ducked her gaze, voice becoming a weary sigh as she leaned against the counter. “Listen, Freds, I’ll keep him out of the bar, you won’t have to see him, but this is my life.”

“Don’t make the same mistake again-”

“He’s told me that Kira’s his ex-fiance, so I don’t think she’ll be a problem.” Ash rolled her eyes at Freddie, who opened his mouth to protest that that wasn’t the point, but she added. “Can you get Roger to shut up? I’m sick of hearing him bitching.”

“Did something happen between you two?” Is what Freddie finally finds himself asking.

“I could get used to this.” Roger grins at her when she brings him a cup of tea in the warm light of the late morning, a book under one of her arms. She keeps using the mug with the cat faces on it for him, he’s started calling it ‘his mug’ and maybe she’s started calling it that too in her mind.

“Yeah, well don’t. You can get your own tea next time.” Ash laughed, sitting up beside in bed, cradling her own tea in one hand, pulling out the book with the other.

“Just show me where everything is, I think I could manage.” Roger chuckles, putting his free arm around her where she’s sat back against the headboard. “What are you reading?” Looking at him with a little surprise, Ash smiles slightly, taking a big gulp of tea, putting the mostly full cup on the bedside table before tucking herself against him, opening up the book.

“I found it in the common room, it’s one of those trashy romance novels,” after a beat, she closed the book, keeping her place with her finger, showing him the cover, where a woman was posing sensuously with a hand on a beautifully painted horse, “but I think she fucks the horse.” Roger snorts at that, his arm tightening around her just a little.

He doesn’t have an answer, just laughs, reading with her when she opens the book back up. It’s soft and domestic, her head on his chest as they both read the novella, sipping their tea on occasion. The blinds are down, but there’s still stripes of light peeking through, hitting the floor with golden light and the room feels warm and hazy. They stay like that for a long while, Roger actually becomes rather engrossed in the story, and when Ash shifts to lean over and take a sip of her tea, he takes the book to read ahead a few lines. When she turns back, she just watches him for a moment, a fond smile slowly spreading over her face, and when he finally looks up, realised he was caught, she leans forward, pressing a kiss to his lips, sweet, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, and when she pulls back, he’s smiling back at her, a little confused.

“What was that for?” He grinned, and Ash shrugged, ducking her head to hide her blush.

“I dunno, maybe the book got me going.” She lied easily, and Roger’s expression turns a little unreadable, though it’s clear he doesn’t believe her.

“We weren’t even up to the hot part!” He countered, and Ash laughed, taking the book from him, but he stays holding it, lets himself be pulled with it until he’s meeting her for a kiss, his hand on her wrist when he lets go of the book to move up her arm and start sliding off her dressing gown. “Not that I’m complaining.”

Yeah, Ash had thought, I could get used to this.

“Hello, Ash?” In the present, Freddie waves a hand in front of her face. Ash’s expression soured as her chest began to ache.

“No, okay? Nothing happened between us, Freddie. Roger’s just being a bitch.”

the ususal suspects: @deakydickfanpage @hollyissuchahoe @laueecakee@smittyjaws @crystalshines2909 @i-am-sarah @legendsaresooftenwarnings@2ptonpt @benhardy24-7 @maiilovely @mickey-yr-a-goner @butter-times@heyyouitskay @tired-eyes-fairy-lights @yepimthatperson @missieluvsmurder @ironqueen98 @ceruleanrainblues @banhbao329 @fantasticchaoticwho @ko-kitty @seven-seas-of-hi @mimisfangirlfantasy @aadjuric @rogmobile @cardybenhardy

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x oc #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #freddie mercury #borhap imagine #brian may #bohemian rhapsody imagine #queen #queen imagine #john deacon #ask your destiny to dance fic #mary austin #the angry lizard writes

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handwritten-yo-blog · 5 years

Text

day 1. “never stick too close to your dreams”

I feel amazing. top of the world.

I've got that "new start" feeling you get when you go on the first date with a girl that you'll likely think of for the rest of your life.

I am sweaty, I am smiley, I am stoked.

All I've ever wanted since breaking up my high school band in 2009 when we all moved away, was to get sweaty and excited and sound good playing loud. I've stuggled. I had a project in uni that was a lot of fun but only played a handful of gigs (though we did record a release I am very proud of). After that I spent years holding back my dreams while playing accordion in a bluegrass band. A few years ago I started getting the desire to get loud again and about a month in to me putting serious thoughts to writing punk songs, they kicked me out. Great timing really.

I worked a summer for my father at the Star Track courier company, driving around cranking bands like Foley and Camp Cope on the stereo and writing songs in my phone down the highway as i delivered 4wd light bars to rural farms. I moved down to melbourne with big dreams of finding great musicians to start a band with, and two years later now and that dream was never realised.

I met a double bass player who played for a friends band and had him record on a couple of my EPs, and I continued gigging with my fiddle player hannah. After taking my friends band "this is a robbery" on tour, I began jamming with his rythym section, two brothers from Taroona in Hobart. It sounded good, so I moved down to hobart. It wasn't my dream of being a band in melb, but it was only a one a bit hour flight from being that dream.

We tried to jam every week but only jammed about once a month. It was okay, but it wasn't great. The rehearsals were often marred by hangovers or the bass players dog running off in to the bush and the search for it taking up all our rehearsal space time. We learnt a small handful of songs and played a few shows that were always energetic and amazing, but never tight and impressive. I constantly made plans in my note book along the lines of "we'll rehearse all through january and I'll book studio time for march" that would then be overwritten with "we'll rehearse all through july and record in august" and after two years of that and the drummer joining a band that more suited his style, I gave up propositioning them for rehearsals. that brings us to now. I got back from Hobart a week ago and brought my hobart friend Ella up with me to cruise around Melbourne going on dates and seeing a perth friend of ours who was here. On the last day of Ella's week up here I took her to do my favourite thing- aimlessly walk through suburbs noticing things about the space and once your legs give up, jump on public transport back home. We walked from footscray to williamstown and were having a blast, in the highest of spirits after putting up a fake "toilet" sign on a wooden door we found near the peir that was definitely not a toilet. the perfect prank.

We were sat down at a swanky joint on the coast, having just ordered expensive pizza and cocktails having thought we were getting a good deal seeing the happy hour sign that was left out even though it was not a weekday (and hence not a happy hour). I checked my phone and was excited to see that some people I half-know had tagged drummers that they half-knew on the FB post I had made earlier in the day that read "Melb drummers, get at me". Really it was half meant in jest, as every one knows that its impossible to find a drummer in melbourne who isnt already in eleven other better bands. I'd made this post many times before and always found diddly squat luck. I didn't expect to this time and the first comment I got was "this is a tough one hey, best of luck". I and the two other people who liked that comment knew it to be true and couldnt agree more.

Little did I know I would find some success. SIx years ago I was in Lismore, studying music at lismore southern cross university and dating a girl who I was utterly infatuated with. We'd go to every little community event, market, gig or talk we could and found ourselves at the unibar gig of a brisbane band called The Clues. We were the only people there who stood near the stage, enjoyed it and had a boogie. After a brief chat with the memebers we said seeya. I went to a another gig of theirs a few weeks later in Byron bay and drunkenly talked further with them. Lovely guys. Cool band. they broke up not too long afterwards, but I drunkenly added on FB the guitarist who I found particularly pleasant to talk to.

Not having spoken to the guitarist since really, he commented on my post, tagging his Brisbane mate who moved to melb a few years ago. I just so happened to have met this mate of his at a Purplene reunion show a couple years back when I first arrived in Melbourne and went to the show alone. He and I drunkenly sang words towards each others faces and bonded over how wonderful it was that Purplene broke their 20 year hiatus to return for a one-off show at the old bar. We added each other on facebook, briefly noted that we shared a mutual friend in the clues guitarist and left it at that. The drummer tagged, Ty, hit me up to send him some demos and I did. it was an ever such succinct chat.

-hey dude, chuck me your tunes.

then

-they sound good dude, wanna come round tomorrow night to try them.

then

-sweet as, heres my address, see you at six thirty.

I read these messages while eating the tastiest vegetarian (half side cheese) pizza and downing a marzapan flavoured cocktail called the GodFather. I was pretty excited about this and remained excited for the next 24hrs. The day passed both quick and slow and I drove myself in the rain with my useless old wiper blades from footscray to Brunswick east. I arrived half an hour early and was busting to piss. I wandered around in the rain looking for an alleyway to use, got quite wet, found a spot and was glad to have had a way to pass the half hour that wasn't just sitting in the car excitedly nervous.

I knocked on the door, met Ty's lovely partner Jazzy and the small old blind dog. The rehearsal room was warm and I was offered a list of drinks "would you like a beer? a wine? a tea? a coffee? we've got juice, you could have a cordial" and I said I'd love a beer. I was then given a list of all the different beers they had and told I could ask for whatever I wanted. I wasn't sure what to say and I said I was happy with anything. Jazzy came out holding an armful of different beers against her and I was delighted to see a stubbie of Tooheys Old. I delightfully picked that one and both Jazzy and Ty agreed that it was a very good choice.

We got straight to rehearsing and it was the most instantanous and impressive song learning I had ever been a part of. Really wonderful accents and fills in all the right places. I had a really good time and we worked through all of two new songs that I have written. I'm commented on how easy and profficient the songs were coming along and Ty replied "yeah, I'm old hat at doing this". I sweated through my shirt, bopping on my toes as i lost my voice and gave Ty the eyes whenever the tricky to remember little-fill was about to come up. We worked through the outro of the last song and then went out the back for Ty to have a smoke. We talked about Steven the Magpie that he raised from baby and now lives in the park next door and comes over each morning at ty's whistle. We talked about possums and how the cats and dogs he owned were too old to have any luck hunting them. He showed me the massive old rear-projection TV in the back garage that he found on curbside, and then we scheduled another rehearsal for next week and I set off home, listening to the recordings we had made on my phone.

I told Ty that I was keen to record these songs as soon as we got them tight and he is keen as well. About a month ago at a Hard Aches show, Ben David said he was interested in hearing my new songs and would be interested in helping me get them recorded. Awfully kind of him and I hope to take him up on that offer in the future. He's quite a busy person though and I am very impatient with my need to get these new songs out, so I will be looking into all posibilities of studios to get these songs recorded. I'm excited to begin rehearsing with my double-bass player Matt and have the full band release I've always dreamt about. Just gotta keep at the songwriting slog hoping good ones happen, and continue rehearsing with Hannah, Matt and Ty.

I'm going to try to keep a journal here of the progress. I may also make it a zine. "Handwritten" is a possible name for the band, due to my affinity for handwritten journal keeping, letter writing and list making. I wanted this here post to be hand written and scanned, but i have other things to do tonight and was worried I wouldn't get this all out in time before if escaped my memory like everything does so quickly these days.

This will be an interesting trip, as i think the musicians journey is often kept secret to create hype and suspense and make it look effortless. Its not effortless and it takes up so much of me trying to make this happen. Join me to see whether we find any success this time or I fail gloriously in public view of this blogs readers.

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heystarsister · 5 years

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Hi sorry to bother you, may I have a ship please? I’m 5’3, I have straight brown hair, dark brown eyes and I'm not very slim. I love drawing, baking, listening to music (I'm a huge fan of Harry Styles). I’m a little bit shy, but once you get to know me I'm outgoing and fun to be around. I’m also very stubborn, and emotional. I hope you have a great day!

Hello, sweetie! ♡

Every single thing in your description imo fits both our queen boii and the actor who played him. Baking and drawing - creative and definitely wife material. Stubborn and emotional - sounds like very nice combo of hardcore and soft. And Harry Styles means pop. Soo...

From Queen, I ship you with John Richard Deacon, born on August 19th 1951!! (And you already know which borhap boii cuz I couldnt keep my mouth shut :)))

Also, One Direction is by definition Pop (and I hope by saying you like Harry specifically I still got the genre right), and John earned himself the Disco tag also through musical preference. So I can totally see you two jamming to You Don't Know You're Beautiful (because I bet it's what he'd often be acusing you of.)

Also this is Deacy looking at you (gifs aren't in my habit, but I just thought this one is perfect for you).

So, my reasoning is that you'd fit very, very well with Deacy mainly because of being both stubborn and emotional, because he too was quiet, not very outspoken, pretty much a smol bean(we don't talk about perv Deacy when saying this), but definitely got his way with the band. And knowing how many fists were exchanged between Freddie and Rogee, that's no mean feat.

You always show him your drawings and he is very excited about every single one of then, which ofc doesn't stop him from offering pretty relevant critique. He fanboys over your art, but still encourages you to improve, cuz that's what us stubborn folks do :))

I can also see him randomly hanging around in the kitchen while you bake, wearing a cooking apron but not doing shit to help(bc he doesn't know anything about cooking or baking). And you would give him the occasional task which he'd do his best to complete, but miserably fail. And you'd end up laughing and puffing flour around. Also, while watching have a traditional homegirl activity makes him sorta horny(when you end up having 6 kids don't you dare tell me that's not a kink) and ofc there are times when you kick him out of the kitchen, because your stuff could really burn in your absence, and times when you leave the dough in the middle of the friggin kitchen to shag.

He wrote Who Needs You when you two had an argument and regrets writing it, but you find it a pretty catchy tune with a lotta girl power in it (because the answer to the question is obv that HE needs you :)).

From Borhap, I ship you with Joe!

I think he might've said something about liking One Direction too, but I can't rly remember and don't wanna tell lies.

But he LOVES donuts(doughnuts). And you ace making donuts(doughnuts). And he would sometimes just hang around to stick his fingers in the dough and taste and you'd go like "DiD yOu wAsH YoUR HaNdS?" And he'd staring contest you until he'd cave and kiss you, after which he'd make his boss ass bitch face and say "No." (Kinda like when they asked Freddie if he could play bass).

You were that one friend who lent him the bass guitar (up to u to choose the reason for owning one) and in the meantime you also became his gf.

He'd come behind you while you draw and hug you tightly, give you sweet neck kisses and then wouldn't resist not making his silly singing voice and going in your ear "Ooh, you make me live". And let's face it, you'd sometimes complete the lyrics.

Also, stubborn and emotional gives off a sorta female!Ben energy, and boii do we know what Mozzarella likes. So I think you'd be friggin soulmates.

Hope you like it and also have a great day, lovie!! Haven't spell checked so pls excuse the illiteracy ♡

#queen #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #john richard deacon #john deacon #joe mazzello #queen ships #borhap ships

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hereliesbitches--me · 5 years

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The Writeup on Rosie's parents:

I dont think anyone actually knows it, and it's probably the faintest quality that could he given away in Rosie's hair, but she is in fact a Hispanic gal. Rosie was born in Miami, Florida in March of 1983, to a Puerto Rican mother and her father can be assumed to be of Italian descent given his last name, though he is not very culturally inclined at all.

Carmellia Hidalgo was a young woman at 22 when she had Rosie, and Roland Valentine had been in his later years at 28 years old. They were a couple definitely formed out of puppy love a few years prior: Roland admired the life and free spirit in Carmellia, and Carmellia was very easily swayed by Roland's gentleman charm and mannerism. Given that this is the 80s, a time where being Hispanic wasnt exactly welcomed (even if Puerto Rico is considered a US territory), it was a breath of fresh air to Carmellia to be respected, and she fell hard. Unfortunately, shortly after Rosie was born, with rising stress trying to manage a baby and their own life goals, tension grows when love fades as those endearing qualities of free spirit become an unwillinhness to compromise and make change. Roland was more of a reserved, traditional man. He wanted to help Carmella in her situation, encouraged her to go to college and he helped pay for it as she worked towards becoming a nurse while he himself was working towards becoming a politician, but he was not blind to her impulsive and irrational behavior. Roland wanted to try to correct his wife, and in retaliation Carmellia was notorious to defensive and aggressive behavior. This would be the source of many of their fights, with Carmellia being the violent one throwing objects and jabbing at Roland for trying to deem her as something unwell, or something lesser than him (as she interpreted it).

In reflection, Rosie inherited her Bipolar disorder from her mother. And just like her mother, they are undiagnosed.

The difference lies in the time period as well. The condition was not well understood in the 70s-80s time period. It was briefly understood but just like all mental illnesses its stigmatized. Carmellia knew something was off, but she was in denial. There was too much to be done to stop and try to get an illness treated, and being a minority already made it hard enough. When Rosie was 5 years old, frightened by another one of their violent fights , she tried to run away to get away from the sounds, and wound up getting hit by a car that had killed her (in which, at this point, is where the Moon spirit steps into the body and takes on her life ) but she miraculously revives with some major head trauma and memory problems.

This fight was the breaker, when Roland realize it was a danger to their daughter. He left within a few months of this incident, for the sake of stopping the fighting, but despite his insistence Carmellia refused to let him take Rosie with him. While he had a better standing and mental state, he rather not make little Rosita suffer by confusing her with their fight. He yields to Carmellia, and he remained in Florida for a few months, until eventually leaving to DC to pursue his career as a politician when Carmellia continued to refuse to let him see Rosie. He sent money down to support them, but he would not see his daughter for 5 years. Rosie could hardly remember him since he left. Roland never stopped loving Carmellia, even if she couldn't stand him , but he couldnt handle her anymore.

Life with Carmellia was difficult for both Rosie and her mother. She was a single mother, becoming a nurse in this big city, and trying to manage bouts of mania and depression. an Impulsive move 2 years (1990) later winds Carmellia up in a situation with an unfaithful, abusive lover, who will eventually be the father to Rosie’s younger brother, Alexander. He leaves them when Alexander was about a few months old, with Carmellia forcing him out of their lives after he threatened them for the last time. what was already a tight situation only worsened with a baby involved. Rosie hardly ever really saw her mother, but she was taught early how to take care of herself with what they had. She never questioned anything that happened, why she was always the one taking the brunt of everything -- Her mother's impulsive verbal lashing and tendency to break things in anger, Rosie being the oldest was held at a higher standard of expectations. It was just how things were, while her mother doted on the baby Alexander with the time she had. Rosie had even learned how take care of her brother so her mom could rest in those very rare occasions she wasnt working.

While Carmellia was not an intentionally bad mother, but she was mentally ill and would not admit it. She loved her children, but was possessive with her fear of being alone, to the point of suffocation. Too prideful to admit she needed help, her children often suffered with her, and this was Rosie's life until August of 1992.

August 26, 1992, Hurricane Andrew makes landfall in Florida, and in a matter of hours Miami is flattened and ripped apart by a category 5 hurricane. In its wake, millions were left homeless, which would have included Carmellia and her two kids. Living in a shelter, Carmellia was left struggling with aiding in medical care because she was a nurse, and keeping track of her little ones. Elsewhere, an opportunity presented itself, and Roland took it as a chance to get his daughter back. Leaving from DC to Florida to help with the relief efforts, Roland tracked down Carmellia and the family at long last in a crowded shelter. Much to Carmellia's fury and horror, Roland did not shy away from telling her what he came for. The man who was a better suited caretaker, with more to offer for the safety of Rosie and her future, and he was there to take Rosie from her. To say there was no battle was an understatement. Carmellia could scream, she could curse him, she could get angry, but in the end she knew she had no standing even if they had gone from a legal standpoint. She had no home, no safe environment but the ruins of a shattered life, and no one would ever take her side against a wealthy man. She tried to scold Rosie into staying with her, when Roland made the option to let Rosie decide, but in the end that fearful little girl saw the opportunity to escape, and she turned her back on her mother for the first time. The first time she ever ran away, and in retrospect it feels like Rosie never stopped running since that time. Shes learned to always run.

Now, life with Roland wasnt as rough as with her mother.. but it wasnt the perfect childhood either. Roland had wealth and prestige being a skillful politician and a man of the people, but that didnt mean he was prepared to really be a dedicated parent.

Roland had lived a generally independent life. He didnt bother with remarrying, he didnt have much family he was connected to, he had workers who cared for the house, and he was dedicated to the work for the common people and working on issues which affected the lower class, minorities especially. He even delved into dealing with the criminal underworld, though that was only known to him. Having Rosie with him was more for the sake of having the peace of mind that she was with him, and he was providing, even I'd he wasnt always actively there. He had control of the situation, and that was enough. He kept her occupied by buying her whatever she wanted to entertain her, to make her feel like he did care and he loved her in order to make up for his lack of presence. Nonetheless, even having his daughter there, he continued to work in the same fashion he did before. Rosie was left in the trusted care of the head house keeper, Alfred, who himself was an age old friend/Mentor for Roland. Rosie saw him like a grandfather, and one of the most constant people in her life. The most she saw of her father were in the morning they shared over breakfast, listening to old vinyl records and dancing around the kitchen. She saw him sometimes in the evening briefly before bed, and that was it for the most part. She had simple expectations: to do well in school, to behave herself, to act with dignity of someone with high status because she was representing him as his daughter. She would have to learn to act proper as a lady from upper class, learn the ways of diplomacy and the two faced ways of politics. She couldn't truly be herself if she wanted to get somewhere with people, that was one of the first life lessons she picked up from her father. It would be one of the stepping stones which shapes her personality today, and even a basis of the creation of alternate personalities. A traditional man as her father was, he thought Rosie like his delicate daughter, and believed as a lady she shouldn't work in anything too laborious. Just like himself, he wanted her to take up in politics, or become a lawyer if she wanted to deal with law. His views often annoyed her, but she was never one to argue, and simply did what was asked of her, up until she grew older. She wanted to make a difference, she wanted to show that she wasnt delicate, and with some help of Alfred she was able to convince her father to let her do more-- which would set the stage of being put in the Calvary, with the help of Clifton, a friend of her father's. This would be the next stepping stone of her life after her father was found dead, ruled as a suicide and unsolved because they could not find any evidence that would say otherwise. Within rosie resided bitter feelings when she knew foul play was involved, but like always, no one ever listened. Once more, shes shuffled forward onto the next person.

The life Rosie shared with both her parents was always somewhat negligent, though it was not out of pure Malice. They gave her what she needed, but they both had a hand in controlling the way she went. Her father more so than her mother, given she lived with him from age 9 to 15. Both believing they knew what was best for her, her father consistently offering her to the world for all sorts of opportunities, but it was not always what Rosie herself wanted. Nothing was ever constant, and she was constantly handed off to the next person in line to deal with her. The relationship between Carmellia and Roland was never a healthy one, and that alone would be one of the major flaws Rosie had to discover on her own. How to love, who to love, how to be a parent. Love would hurt, it would break you down in the worst possible ways, it could make you Elated, or it wouldnt always last. Her parents taught simply how to survive enough in the world, her father taught her how to be superficial, but sincere relationships? How to be a good parent?

That was all trial and error she had to learn one step at a time. And it burned her, more often than not. One thing she learned what she had to do everything for her children that her parents didnt do for her, but much to her own horror, the older she gets the more she realizes it just played as a cycle. She could be like the both of them. As much as she tries to fight it, the older she was, the more she understands why things happen the way they do.

The condition of her mother is one of the biggest reasons Rosie prefers a partner that would need her. It attracts her to the troubled and the lonely, and urges her to make things better. To help them in a way no one helped her or her mother

Because deep down, a part of her feels things could have been different if someone could have just stayed. Her resilience to a lost cause may be the thing that gets Rosie killed one day, or even draws her into unhealthy relationships no matter how it hurts her.

#:about the muse:#working out a timeline at long last #someone let me know if something needs to be tagged #:headcanons:#can you see the reference in rosie from her mom #casually using real life events in my bby #crazy childhood stories #long post

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dwightkschrute · 5 years

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In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time. (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go.

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

#2018 #OMFG MESSSSS of a year..#and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

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inawickedlittletown · 5 years

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Walking The Wire (108/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

@findmeinthestarss

Masterpost

Chapter One Hundred Seven

They never found out what had been going on with Loki and Thor because nothing came of their appearance and then disappearance because aside from a blip somewhere in Ireland that wasn’t necessarily them, there was nothing and while Tony waited for the other shoe to drop and something crazy to happen somewhere else in the world, nothing did.

“So, do you think he was just popping in for a visit and didn’t even think to stop by here?” Rhodey asked during a team meeting.

“I don’t know,” Tony said. “And there’s no way to contact him. I called up Jane and she -- well, apparently they broke up sometime before he left the last time and she didn’t have a way to contact him anyway which is sort of why they broke up.”

“But nothing’s happened right,” Sam said. “I mean, no random Asgardians have shown up so--”

“Not since then,” Tony said. “At least not that my satellites picked up anyway. But Coulson or Fury would have mentioned if they heard anything.”

Tony kept paying attention, but nothing outside of the usual happened. Ross’ announcement that Spider-Man was Tony’s son had been a small blip that most people didn’t pay attention to despite all the pictures that Ross had managed to get of Spider-Man coming and going from the tower. Mostly, he just sounded like a conspiracy theorist especially after Tony tweeted that his son was definitely not Spider-Man and that the theory had made Steve laugh. Still, he was sure some people did believe Ross’ story. It was also a concern that Ross was clearly keeping an eye on the tower.

There was a whole thing with the resurgence of AIM in the middle of August but it was such a disorganized mess that they didn’t get very far in even setting themselves up as a threat and Tony had them all rounded up and arrested in the course of an afternoon.

By the time that the summer was actually over, Tony was starting to relax on the Thor front. Peter on the other hand was a tad disappointed that he hadn’t gotten to meet the god yet. It turned out that next to Iron Man, Thor was Peter’s favorite.

“He’s an actual god,” Peter had said, “but also an alien. And just cool. He’s just so cool.”

Sam found the whole thing amusing. “Your kid has good taste at least,” he said, “if he had to crush on any of us.”

“It’s not a crush! I just -- he’s a god, Sam! And the lightning--” Peter trailed off as Sam laughed and Tony tried not to join in.

“He is seriously impressive,” Natasha said in Peter’s defense.

“Yes, exactly,” Peter said.

“Which is why you had a crush on him,” Sam said matter of factly and Peter threw up his arms in the air and Tony knew that he had figured out he couldn’t really say much else to make a difference to the conversation. Mostly, though, Tony loved the level of ease that Peter had with the rest of The Avengers.

But when Peter’s birthday came around, Tony decided that they needed to go on a mini-vacation. Not to get away from anyone, but because Tony wanted to spend some time on his own with Peter away from wedding planning and everything else that was going on at the tower. They went to California because Peter had never been to the West Coast and because Peter had also been interested in seeing the rebuilt Malibu house. It was fun to show Peter around and take him to a few of Tony’s favorite spots. All in all, their vacation was a nice break from the usual. They got back after a couple of weeks away and right in time for Peter to get back to school and Tony to move forward with the new suit. Everything was ready and Tony just needed to have the housing unit put in his chest.

On the night before school was starting up again, Peter was leaning against Tony’s side. There was a movie on, but Tony had long given up on watching it because the plot had changed so drastically that the movie was downright silly and either way, Tony had gotten busy answering emails because Pepper couldn’t understand why Tony was delegating everything to do with SI for the next week or two. Tony still hadn’t told her that he was going to be putting in the housing unit for the nanotech in his chest. He and Shuri both agreed that it was the only way to make it as effective as Tony wanted it to be.

“Is it going to be a long operation?” Peter asked.

Tony looked down at him. “A few hours.”

“I don’t like that I’ll be in school and I won’t be here.”

The whole thing with Thor had really hastened Tony to get the device ready faster. He wanted to be prepared for the next time something happened and things would have been dire if Thor’s return had signaled the beginning of something being wrong. Sure, Tony had his other suits, but the nanotech one was going to be better than any other. Steve and Peter for their part thought that he knew best despite the risk that the surgery would bring him.

“You’ll be here plenty,” Tony assured him. “Nothing is going to go wrong. I have the best doctors on this and we have a good plan for how we’re handling this.”

“Dr. Cho is pretty great,” Peter said with a grin.

Tony wrapped his arm around Peter’s shoulders and pulled him closer. “So why did you want to watch this movie again?”

“Ned recommended it,” Peter muttered. “I don’t think I’ll be taking his advice on movies again any time soon.”

Tony laughed. “On that we can agree, kid.”

---

Steve didn’t argue with Tony once Tony decided that he needed to get the housing unit put into his chest. It was Tony’s body and Tony’s decision and while Steve did voice his questions and got Tony to think about the pros and cons, he left it up to Tony because Tony knew best when it came to his suits. The device was different than the arc reactor, anyway, in that it wasn’t working to keep Tony alive. Looking at the ring with the shrapnel that had almost killed Tony, reminded Steve of how much Tony had gone through and survived.

He was with Tony during the operation, holding his hand while Dr. Cho and her team worked on Tony with a combination of Dr. Cho’s tech and Shuri’s as well. It brought down the risk for the procedure considerably. When it was over a few hours later and the whole thing was successful, Steve let out a sigh of relief.

“Good,” he said.

The whole thing was taking place in the compound since the facility had a medical wing and Tony had gone ahead and added an operating room to it too. It meant that Tony was going to be staying at the compound for a few days even if that was more of a precaution than anything, but it was better for him to not have to travel to the tower while fresh out of his operation. Steve had insisted on being there so his anklet was off. The FBI had only checked in on them once since putting the anklets on and the only reason they showed up in the first place was that Sam’s had malfunctioned. It was lucky that they were all in the tower at the time, not that Fury had been sending them on a lot of missions lately. Things were on the quiet side.

“He’ll be asleep for a little longer,” Helen said. “We’ll move him somewhere comfortable. You can call Peter in, if you want.”

“I’ll go get him,” Steve said and leaned over to kiss Tony’s forehead first.

Helen smiled at him.

When he returned with Peter in tow, Tony had been moved into one of the rooms in the medical wing. Tony was still asleep, but he looked peaceful all tucked into bed.

“Everything went perfectly, Peter,” Helen said. “He’ll be awake in an hour or two. Myself or someone from my team will come check in.”

“I’m glad,” Peter said as Helen grabbed a few things and walked out of the room. “I was actually a little worried,” he admitted to Steve. “I just -- I’ve lost all the father figures in my life and he was doing this and I was worried.”

Peter walked to stand by Tony’s bed and Steve moved forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You dad rarely does anything that isn’t for a reason. And if he had suspected that this was any riskier than it needed to be he wouldn’t have done it because the last thing he wants is to leave you. Shuri and Helen worked this out and you know how smart they are.”

“I know,” Peter said and looked up at Steve. “I just couldn’t help it. And thanks for helping me get out of school today. Dad just kept saying how I didn’t need to be here.”

“Yeah, well, he hates that we fuss about him.”

---

Taking it easy was boring. At least, it wasn’t bed rest. Tony could move around and he could go to the workshop but he was limited by how long he could work and how much he could lift or really do which ultimately just made him grumpy. Steve was also hovering for most of his time in there and jumping in to do things for him which Tony had found endearing at first but then kind of frustrating. So, he was happy to be back to normal a month and a half later even if Steve still seemed a bit wary of him doing much. Pepper was worse. She had started to just show up to make sure he was okay every other day right after Tony moved back to the tower and she’d fussed and fussed over him after telling him off for putting the housing unit in his chest in the first place until Tony had enough.

“You know,” Steve said one afternoon, “it’s almost been a year since I came back.”

“It has,” Tony said. A full year. It had been more than a year since the whole fiasco with The Vulture too. They were lucky that there hadn’t been any big villain like that popping up since but even if there had been, Tony was confident that Peter would have been able to handle it.

Training with Steve and the team in general had made a huge difference to Peter’s capabilities as Spider-Man. Peter didn’t use the Iron Spider suit often, opting for his other suit over that one most of the time, but he had gotten so much better with his powers and just his physicality because he wasn’t just following his instincts which were often good, he was doing more. Strategizing and thinking his plans through and really knowing his strengths and weaknesses and using that knowledge to do things in the best way possible.

“And it hasn’t been all bad,” Steve said.

“Yeah,” Tony said. “I half expected you to get too bored to stay.”

“I’ve found that life can’t be boring when you’re in it. But, not just that, it makes a difference that we’re together. You’ve made this worth it and it’s just one more year, Tony.”

“We better hope nothing crazy happens before then,” Tony said. “I thought Thor coming back meant--”

Steve nodded. “I know. I know. I did too. I just wonder what the whole point of it was. He wouldn’t have shown up and left that quickly without there being some reason and I just don’t trust that Loki was with him. Wasn’t he supposed to be dead?”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “That’s what Thor said.”

“Jane was confused about that too. She seemed concerned -- but she hasn’t called which means she hasn’t found anything alarming. At least I have this thing now,” Tony said and tapped his chest. “It makes me feel a little better about any possible threats.”

It was Tony’s fear -- and had been since going through that wormhole -- that they’d be faced with something from outside their world again. Even if nothing came to pass, he wanted them to be prepared. After all, he’d seen what some of those aliens could do and create and it was only a matter of time before Earth became a target again. Loki being alive -- he’d been the one behind the attack in New York. Of course, helped by the stone in the scepter but nevertheless one of the reasons. Thor had said he was leaving to find out more about the stones and...and maybe it was what he was still trying to figure out. It worried Tony.

Chapter One Hundred Nine

#peter and tony #peter and tony fic #mcuwriting #mcu fic #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #stony #stony fic #marvel

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mwlihong · 3 years

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The 12 Groups That Could possibly Get Tremendous Bowl LVI

A number of months back again, even though filling within just for colleague Albert Breers weekly mailbag column, I was questioned through editor Mitch Goldich what the worst prediction Ive at any time designed was. Upon my aged podcast, The Poor-Aspect Podcast with Jenny Vrentas, I performed a persona that was experienced inside the artwork of prognostication, and we experienced finish episodes centered upon the horrendous predictions Identification manufactured for the duration of the yr Raheem Mostert Jersey. Nonetheless seeking again upon it, my worst task could possibly contain been an definitely earnest exertion. Inside August of remaining yr, I wrote a piece upon the 12 groups that could possibly realistically earn the Tremendous Bowl. The moment it arrives toward the artwork of the prediction, this is an great write-up for the reason that it incorporates a extensive runway and the options of currently being immediately anytime yourself record a 3rd of the league are charming positive! Of program, I still left the Buccaneersand Tom Bradyoff the record. By yourself dont acquire specifics for taking the supreme 3 seeds inside of every single convention While, at some point, your self go away the Tremendous Bowl winner out of the blend. Lesson found. Hardly ever question Brady. That, thanks towards the sheer amount of money of guesses I experienced, was the worst prediction Ive at any time designed. This calendar year, Ive reformulated my strategy a minor little bit and incorporate tried using in the direction of tuck all my ingrained biases apart. Together with within just the NBA this yr, I appear to be which include there is a broader all round variety of groups that may well get the Tremendous Bowl, hence nicely adhere with 12. There are 2 quarterbacks within just considerable refreshing areas. Dak Prescott incorporates returned towards hurt https://www.sf4gear.com/youth, in all probability healthy than at any time. Theres a good deal of solution below, which is, sooner or later, why we indication up in direction of spend our life towards this 12 months following yr. Makes it possible for split the comprehensive issue down, workers as a result of employees.Mark J. Rebilas/United states Currently Sporting activities ; Joseph Maiorana/United states of america These days Sports activities ; Jamie Germano/Rochester Democrat and Chronicle/United states At present Community 1. Kansas Town ChiefsLast decades end: 142, AFC West winner, shed in the direction of Buccaneers within the Tremendous BowlWhy they can gain it all inside 2021: This one particular doesnt will need a long reason. The Chiefs include the least complicated and greatest flexible quarterback within the NFL, a participant who can punish oneself within plethora methods, and the utmost artistic enjoy-caller within just the league. That reported, I believe we can securely predict a little bit extra having difficulties this 12 months. The Chiefs significantly outperformed their Pythagorean acquire-reduction standards in opposition to 2020, due inside of higher aspect towards a pandemic that throttled the offseason and weighted gains upon present-day, rewarding QB-practice mixtures. This calendar year, theyll be in just a a great deal harder office, giving Vic Fangios utmost gifted safety toward day and Brandon Staley, who, even though defensive coordinator of the Rams, practically broke a heritage for fewest instant-fifty percent specifics permitted within NFL record.2. Tampa Bay BuccaneersLast a long time conclude: 115, wild card, received Tremendous Bowl Why they can get it all within just 2021: It is just about extremely hard in direction of repeat within just todays NFL, When Tom Brady was the past quarterback toward do it and, once again, we are finished stating any kind of question inside the largest participant the league is made up of at any time discovered. Tampas hard, duo-laden function plan punished competitors late in just the period and borrowed properly in opposition to a typical Belichick-ian system that always noticed his groups morph into ability punchers late in just the year. At the moment that theyve held their finish roster, they can acquire upon some of their largest positive aspects and assault the business with a even more different mix of the Brady and Bruce Arians offenses. 3. Cleveland BrownsLast several years total: 115, wild card, shed in the direction of Chiefs inside the divisional roundWhy they can earn it all in just 2021: The Browns have been one particular of the far more healthy groups in just the NFL remaining calendar year, regardless of some evident holes upon the defensive facet of the ball. Whilst its normally not possible in direction of destination as well a lot of specifications upon the shoulders of novice corners and hybrid linebackers, the additions of Greg Newsome II, Jeremiah Owusu-Koramoah and Tony Fields II developed them much harder and additional flexible inside of a department that desires thickness in the direction of fend off severe downhill managing, versatility in the direction of activity cell quarterbacks and superior restricted finish engage in, and multifaceted insurance policy expertise for the broad wide range of deep-hazard receivers. Their jogging match is beneath the treatment of Monthly bill Callahan, just one of the most significant offensive line coaches and operate-recreation coordinators within NFL heritage, and functions a deep strong of backs who preserve tension off Baker Mayfield . If Cleveland can produce upon its results in opposition to a 12 months in the past and discover alone as a a little even further competent personnel shielding the go, it could possibly surge in the direction of the meeting championship. 4. Buffalo BillsLast several years total: 133, AFC East winner, misplaced in the direction of Chiefs inside of the meeting championshipWhy they can get it all inside of 2021: Even though the Expenditures may perhaps include at some point forgotten their window Trent Sherfield Jersey, they are even now a significantly very well-coached staff with a stable security and a person of the excellent matchup-dependent offensive coordinators inside of the NFL. Allens power toward scare groups as the two a deep passer and electrical power runner produced Buffalo a constant hazard inside 2020 and will heading do thus once more this yr. Their energy toward opt for aside competition may possibly be observed within the real truth that they had been even now logging a league-most straightforward 0.14 EPA for each engage in ranking upon performs that did not aspect backfield action or any type of presnap window dressing. Allen lets yourself toward quickly line up and engage in challenging soccer. With the addition of both of those Gregory Rousseau and Carlos Basham Jr., the Charges comprise indicated in the direction of all of us that getting a middling stress personnel is unacceptable, specially within the ho-hum AFC East. Immediately after the Buccaneers blueprint, their anticipate is that an overload of trained rushers can enhance a gifted secondary. 5. Environmentally friendly Bay PackersLast many years end: 133, NFC North winner, missing towards Buccaneers inside of meeting championshipWhy they can acquire it all within just 2021: The Packers, together with the 49ers, consist of mastered the Mike ShanahanAlex Gibbs outdoors zone process that properly marries the operate and move video games alongside one another. At the time a course of action such as this is perfected and the roster is created more than it, on your own come to be more robust with the a long time every teach and quarterback fork out inside the offense. However, Aaron Rodgerss lack consists of triggered a little bit of a standstill upon the growth entrance, nevertheless that wont avoid train Matt LaFleur and offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett versus proceeding in direction of recognize significant mismatches towards exploit throughout a inclined department. When the Packers would not create this checklist if Jordan Enjoy have been their total-season rookie within 2021 D.J. Jones Jersey, I believe that they may possibly however be Wonderful plenty of towards contend for, and likely eke out, a department gain if aspects received NFC Eaststyle sloppy. 6. Los Angeles RamsLast many years conclude: 106, wild card, shed toward Packers inside of divisional roundWhy they can get it all within just 2021: Were being advised the addition of Matthew Stafford will generate the Rams a totally choice staff this calendar year, while that continues to be toward be observed. Curiously more than enough, the Rams had been a powerful offensive employees Even though Sean McVay was pulling the puppet strings in just Jared Goffs helmet in advance of the snap https://www.sf4gear.com/elijah-mitchell-jersey. What takes place at the moment, once there is added autonomy and, theoretically, creativeness at the level? At most straightforward, Stafford hits all the throws Goff couldnt, or didnt realize were being there. And that is sufficient in direction of get over the decline of an high-quality defensive coordinator and the perfect basic safety within just soccer past yr. Possibly route, the Rams are all in just, and soon after Tampa Bays surprising Tremendous Bowl surge, its a technique just one is made up of in direction of take pleasure in at the time the prepare and quarterback are equally best-notch. 7. San Francisco 49ersLast yrs stop: 610, ultimate vacation spot inside of the NFC WestWhy they can get it all within just 2021: This is nonetheless a personnel that bullied its course in the direction of a Tremendous Bowl with Jimmy Garoppolo below heart 2 yrs back. The 49ers had been decimated as a result of damage closing 12 months and, as a result of the center of the year, had been extensively unrecognizable against the juggernaut that looked towards be forming the calendar year ahead of. Kyle Shanahan is continue to a sharp head, and even though he dropped a large amount of head electricity upon the training employees this offseason with the departures of Robert Saleh, John Benton and Mike LaFleur, he continue to consists of the proficient Mike McDaniel at his aspect, alongside with offensive line expert Chris Foerster. When some us citizens may well cock their heads at this choose, Garoppolo is sure impressed towards engage in his direction into a further setting up position somewhere else within 2022 and the 49ers far too include the remedy, when they hence decide, toward pull the rip wire upon Trey Lance and introduce a minimal chaos into defensive conference rooms everywhere you go. 8. Dallas CowboysLast a long time conclusion: 610, 3rd position inside the NFC East Why they can earn it all within 2021: With Prescott back again and wholesome, all aspects are prospective. Although the jury is continue to out upon Mike McCarthy sans Brett Favre or Rodgers within phrases of his energy in direction of function an medical procedures and read through a place, the Cowboys include manufactured crucial strides this offseason towards shore up obvious complications. The choosing of Dan Quinn as defensive coordinator may well be instrumental in just lifting the bitter temper still left powering a 12 months in the past. The Cowboys contain a single of the deepest linebacking corps within just soccer, which will support them climate a convention that will verify their electricity in the direction of safeguard the function versus a number of techniques with gifted backs.9. Indianapolis ColtsLast many years end: 115, wild card, dropped towards Payments inside of the divisional roundWhy they can earn it all in just 2021: This is one particular of the greatest thorough groups within just soccer. Need to Rock Ya-Sin choose a stage ahead, aiding the Colts spherical out their secondary as a substitute of basically covering it, Indianapolis might not simply just cruise in direction of an AFC South name however produce some sounds in just the playoffs. The main marvel mark below would appear to be in the direction of be Carson Wentz, however pairing him with Frank Reich yet again guarantees that there will be an offense with further more good tests and balances. Whenever Reich fled in direction of Indianapolis back again inside of 2018, therefore did Wentzs requirements of a somewhat digestible established of progressions driving centre. That triggered negative practices and poor blood, possibly of which are long gone at the moment. 10. Baltimore RavensLast several years complete: 115, wild card, misplaced toward Charges within just divisional roundWhy they can gain it all in just 2021: Taking a talented playmaker including Lamar Jackson assures youll be within the combination no matter of how conditions drop above him https://www.sf4gear.com/terrell-owens-jersey. Very last year was a aggravation, primarily a reflection of some monetary selections the Ravens almost certainly need they might incorporate again, as effectively as some essential roster happenings out of their handle. The additions of 2 skilled large receivers into the plan need to be adequate toward reinforce an offense that uncovered by itself prone in direction of strain , specified the groups inclination in direction of function the ball. Jackson specifications towards big difference his warm map inside obtain towards be seriously thriving over and above what the plan is advertising, and bringing inside of both equally Sammy Watkins and Rashod Bateman will be a necessary phase inside of that guidance. The Ravens are certainly attempting toward extend the market further this yr, which delivers us in direction of a appealing analysis interval for Jackson, who contains by now stated us thus a great deal. 11. Seattle SeahawksLast decades comprehensive: 124, NFC West winner, misplaced toward Rams in just the wild-card spherical Why they can gain it all in just 2021: This is type of a legacy reward toward Russell Wilson, who, alongside with his cadre of gifted receivers, is with regards to the simply just issue well worth eating religion inside of. Wilsons sizzling get started within just 2020 was stymied at the time the Seahawks receded their programs toward operate a total-throttle passing offense. The addition of Shane Waldron as offensive coordinator demonstrates an focus inside of either melding the move and function game titles which includes the 49ers, Rams and Packers incorporate performed inside the further than, despite the fact that its a prolonged and occasionally challenging technique anytime the offensive line ability lags within some parts. Right until Pete Carrolls safety keeps some of its enamel, although, its challenging in the direction of imagine Seattle virtually profitable the Tremendous Bowl outdoors of some correct Wilson hero ball. 12. Los Angeles ChargersLast decades entire: 79, 3rd desired destination within just the AFC WestWhy they can earn it all within 2021: If there is just one practice who can incorporate a Kevin Stefanskitype impression upon his roster inside Calendar year 1, its Brandon Staley. The safety, which unsuccessful in direction of produce substantially worry and was gouged towards sure dashing offenses in just 2020, will eventually be much better. The quarterback, reigning novice of the 12 months Justin Herbert, is one more tale. Staley is a preceding quarterback who naturally knows the point intimately, despite the fact that his conclusion of offensive coordinator was a little bit underwhelming. Joe Lombardi, inside less than 2 several years as the Lions offensive coordinator in just 2014 and 15, was 19th and 18th within internet yards for every test, respectively. There was no greatest 10 total inside of information, and Lombardi was overlooked when 7 days 7 of that minute year. There are moving in direction of be some not possible things of Anthony Lynns tenure with the Chargers in direction of substitute. For instance, the Chargers were being 8th inside experiencing stress ultimate 12 months because of in direction of a porous offensive line .

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jerseydeanne · 6 years

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Dear Winky, please give us your thoughts

“In regards to the question about when Harry became convinced Meghan was the one, I honestly think it was earlier in the relationship than this year.

I’ll lay out why I think that, and it’s mostly to do with Harry.

You see, I’m pretty convinced that when Harry “falls in love”, so to speak, he does so quickly, and he sticks to you like gorilla glue to popsicle sticks in a physics project.

When he landed Chelsy in early 2004, he did so over a summer spent back in forth between where she was in South Africa, and Lesotho where he was doing that documentary. They could only have had a few weeks of that before he had to return to the UK, and Harry was COMMITTED. Don’t confuse that with faithful. He was linked to Natalie Pinkham in late 2004, and again in late 2006. Apparently he wanted a kiss, and decided to go back inside the building they had just exited in order to get it. And paps heard the whole thing, with photos of them on the stoop. And somewhere in there during a training exercise in Canada there was that stripper waitress Cherie Cymbalisty or something, that sold her kissing stories to the press. Apparently he didn’t learn his lesson about meeting strippers in Canada.

My point being that Harry wasn’t ready for a big boy relationship. He loves drinking, and partying, and raucous behavior. But he was in love, and determined to apologize and work it out, instead of grow up on his own. During their split in 2007, where Chelsy left him because he wasn’t committed enough, that being the public line, she leaked about some hot crocodile hunter in South Africa that would leap at the chance to date her. I just remember several flattering photographes of him that made the paper, and Harry was DESPERATE to get her back. He was the guy that wasn’t interested in a relationship when he had her, but had to keep her regardless.

They split up in early 2009. They both dated other people. Harry hung out with a group of girls called “the hardcore sisters” , and by summer it was leaking that he was missing Chelsy, and by that fall they were back together. Then they split over the summer of 2010, after Harry had spent a good part of it regularly flying out to south Africa, there were definitely pap pics of Harry at a picnic table smoking and I believe her brother was there. William gets engaged in November in 2010, and it wasn’t long before it was leaking that Harry was missing Chelsy. Then in February 2011 she made a trip to the UK, and suddenly there stories about her helping with the best man’s speech, pictures of her shopping, she was his unofficial date.

Chelsy was obviously pulling away, over and over, and Harry usually was the one to drive the narrative that he wanted her back. There at the end, I don’t recall any cheating, I think maybe he did mature into the relationship. The irony being when he was ready to be the man she’d wanted in the beginning, she’d begun to realize how bad it would suck to be a royal.

That was a cycle if ending it, getting back together, ending it, getting back together. Even in 2012, before he went public with Cressida, people were still convinced there would be another round of the Harry and Chelsy show.

Cressida is another classic example of Harry being in it for the long haul, even after it’s obvious it’s not working. In the beginning of their relationship, Harry was taking her to the Batman premier, he was with her on that island for a Branson birthday before the Vegas trip. Harry and fallen, and he was SERIOUS. He was trying to impress her, at the expense of privacy. Not faithful enough to blow off vegas, obviously. And knowing he had made a huge bruiser there, there was tons of press of his friends keeping Cressida in a tight circle. There were rumors of a house party where she met William in December 2012. Harry had gotten into trouble, and WAY over compensated. He went super public with her that February, in the bossum of her good friends the York’s.

I thought he was ALOT more mature during the Cressida relationship. There weren’t cheating rumors, there werent that many party rumors. The press attribute that to Cressida. She got Harry to stop drinking and grow up. I guess that all that was left for Meghan was smoking, hm.

Then over the summer of 2013, Cressida started going more public. She was clearly going to use her name recognition to get a jump start in acting, and instead found out that people in the UK weren’t going to hire a royal girlfriend. They assumed that she couldnt do any racy parts. And she didnt have the chops for the dramatic parts. I think by 2014, it was obvious that it was going to be acting or Harry. And I don’t think she ever doubted that it was going to be acting. There was an amusing peice in 2014 that she was more interested in Shepherds Bush, and Burning Man than a royal wedding. The problem there being Harry totally wanted a royal wedding.

They split that may. There was ambiguity for a month. Reports about Harry either tearing it up at the Pelly Wedding, or crying into his cups over her. He was papped on the phone when at the Elvis House. It was heavily emplied with her.

By June it was obvious to everyone else it was over. Cressida is going off into the horizon to be an actress. Harry still wasn’t done, however. After a summer spent avoiding each other, she hurried back from a wedding abroad for the Invictus Games, and there were rumors about her being at his 30th at Clarence House. Nothing ever happened. The reason I think that Harry was hoping she’d come back is because he kept following her around until late 2015. After she had a Valentine’s with another ex byfriend, the better looking Henry, Harry goes to publicly support her at TWO seperate plays. The Pellys accompanied him to one, where he totally did a pap walk so Cressida would get some attention from the press. Cressida was invited to his birthday party in 2015 too.

I felt sorry for him at that point, honestly. Those pap pics of him walking to some dinky backstreet theater, Lizzy Pelly next to him, just so Cressida could get some press, even though she obviously wasnt going to have him were sad. Later that year paps caught him joining the Pellys for dinner. Not like normal people. Lizzy and Guy were having dinner with her parents at a public restaurant, and Harry suddenly shows up right before dessert. The pap shots were of everyone saying goodbye outside the restaurant. When you are desperate enough to drive across town to sit at a table with some friends and some in laws you haven’t seen since their wedding a year ago, where you were either crying into cups or tearing it up, for the short amount if time it takes people to eat pudding. I mean, you really didn’t want to sit at home alone.

And just a few short months later, he met Meghan. A girl who made it a mission to tell him all about how humanitarian her interest was. A girl who couldn’t wait to tell him how NOT shy she was. She had been playing a game on Insta for months taking pics around him. A girl who totes saw herself married to him.

Looking backwards, Meghan is his MO. He sends her flowers, back to back dates in June, gets that luxury tent in Africa in August, he goes above and beyond to impress the girl that he’d fallen for fast and hard like usual. And when the press came for her in November, Harry WAY over reacted and got to tell the press everything I imagine he thinks about in private. Coulda, shoulda, woulda with Chelsy and Cressida became something Meghan could use.

And just like he followed Cressida for a year while she was dating other guys, he did what would make Meghan happy, and had her sat next to him at Inskip wedding, and papped with her February (at least this time it was a girl that was dating him) and did the pap walk behind her house in April, and made it abundantly clear to everyone it was two for the price of one in may.

He’s genuinely all up in there. Just look at the pics of Harry spending the Invictus closing games with her friends and mom. Instead of spending it with soldiers families, like he usually did, he was promoting her loser friends in her box. He was happily chatting with her mother in front of everyone. He kept his arms around her. He kept beaming and kissing her neck. She didn’t even bother to look at him.

Which is why I’m not shy about saying I don’t like what he’s doing, but I still like him. I strongly dislike her. It’s like watching a Puma playing with a baby bunny before it gets eaten. Harry is gonna fight for this relationship until the very end. And when he stops fighting, it’s gonna be because he was so busy taking on the press, and his family, and his friends for her, and he’s not gonna see he left his back unguarded for the knife she’s gonna slip there.

I’m surprised the Pellys aren’t still in the scene like last year. But I imagine that alot of his friends find this is hard to watch."

Some ones go from blog to blog to convince people in a love story. JD, yesterday those someones came on your blog to tell you "HE LIKES HER”.

The story to Africa was a lie, her IG proves that. He had a serious girlfriend after Cress for 2 years that was at this IG. No ones buying the love story. It’s stupid. Being in like with someone? Let’s see what wink says. @wink

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brianyololau · 4 years

Text

August 10th 2020

I got some mothafucken tea bro. In fact it’s not even tea anymore. It’s monster energy. Dark shit I did not know about till now. ABUSE. CHEATING. PTSD. MANIPULATION. PUSSIES. I realized that my family has made mistakes that back then would be seen as them being pussies and a manipulative cult. Not a great way to start the conversation, but I have a right to be mad because my family has kept secrets from me that I didn’t know until Bao spilled the tea and fingerpainted a canvas for me to see. The dots did not connect till now. Their dad was a cheater, physical abuser, liar, honey dicker, and a playboy. All of the worst things in a guy ... and my family kept that from me. I was told that he and his wife just did bad shit that made them leave, but from what Bao told me, no. Kicking your wife’s hand so hard as she’s reaching for the phone to dial 911 that it broke and hearing her cry out while her daughter heard mustve been the most asshole tier thing I’ve heard on the same level as Eric’s dad. Imagine going to work the next day with a broken hand and not going to the hospital. Bao’s mom’s hand still hurts to this day and she has scars. I learned that their mom had a missing toenail from abuse and had to drive herself to the hospital with her 2 daughters by herself. She got pulled over by a cop and had to ask her children to translate to the cop that she had no one to drive her to the hospital and was driving herself there slowly bc of the pain and bawling to the cop. THE COP LET HER GO. fuck is this shit. The guy that my family said they saw her come home with actually helped her escape from Cali and transition into a new life. Cau Bao used to take the kids to eat pho, come home, and tell their mom to pay him back for the bill. He was living under Cau Long’s roof. So, he and everyone else knew all along. My grandparents were in on this shit too. wtf is this cult family. Who hides stories of abuse from their kids?? I cant believe I grew up thinking Cau Bao was cool af and wanted to be like him. I WANTED TO BE LIKE AN ABUSIVE FATHER? nahhhhhhhh bruh. My mom apologized to my cousins. That was right of her, but she never told me what happened and how common it was to hit ur fucking wife and kids. I was raised under a fucking rug dude. My family kept telling me to forgive my dad and dont make him feel bad, BUT FUCK THAT. Im done trying to give face and move on from other people’s shit that affected you. Things are never going to get BETTER if I dont communicate every toxic thing that has happened. Im only gonna settle for LESS and move on. Frustration is coursing through my mind rn. I cant. I cant because I was manipulated into believing my family was JUST. THIS IS JAIL. Being a bystander means youre part of the problem and thinking it’s okay is just as bad. My cousins’ mom was willing to through 10+ more years of abuse to give her children a mom and dad but wouldnt bat an eye to leave her high paying nail job and possessions to take her kids to Florida when she saw how badly Cau Bao smashed Bao’s head in. Bao told me she had to hide in a closet to avoid being abused too. This is so frustrating to think about. To think that my mom still kept their mom’s drawer that she bought to this day... wtf? get rid of that thing. I see their perspective now. I see the resentment on this family. Why were they keeping secrets from me? THIS WHOLE FAMILY KNEW. IM GOING TO FIND THIS SHIT OUT EITHER WAY. abusive controlling manipulative. I didnt realize our family was like this. And they are telling me to not involve myself with other people’s business other than family?? What about my cousins’ mom? Was she not family? Are we also going to ignore the elephant that was in the room? My grandparents too? the fuck? GOODDDDD DAMN THIS SHIT RUNS DEEP. dead facepalm. what the actual fuck. Then I hear about my grandma telling Bao how she couldnt imagine everything Bao had to go through recalling when Bao said she was so sad living here that she wanted to kill herself at 8 years old? WHAT????? im fuming. there too much fuel and coal rn. I CANT BELIEVE THE FAMILY WAS IN ON THIS. and they still sided with cau bao... is this a cult? no i refuse to live like this. im no longer giving the benefit of the doubt to this extent and walking away. im going in headfirst into where the water runs where it shouldnt be. Ive always felt that my family has mostly been right in their approach with some wrong traditional values. Ive thought Cau Bao was the coolest dude for as long as I can remember till this year and Ive always thought I should tend to not be involved in ppl’s business if it’s not directly affecting me. holy shit I will clap back so fucking hard now. and ill do it because i got standards for family. a real family is what it should sound like. a REAL family.

apart from this unleashed rage, out of all the years ive been living with cau bao, I do acknowledge that he has changed. He loves Bao and Anh so much. He’ll love them till his last breath.

ive also learned today that Bao is a savage. saw it with my own eyes.

also realized that i cant hold back anymore. hearing the real story of my cousins’ childhood makes me sick to the stomach. My dad, cau vu told me to stop being upset with my dad and just forgive him. cau long told me to just take this as a life lesson. my mom told me i shouldnt feel obligated to and just see it for what it is and move on. HELL NO FUCK THIS SHIT. if i turn another bat’s eye to what a dipshit of a father figure i had was, imma flip shit. im going ham bro. how can i have sympathy when i dont even know what it means to have a dad? i srsly lived with this guy until i was 18 AND I STILL DONT FUCKING KNOW HIM. STORIES DONT COUNT I NEED MEMORIES.

i remember hearing cau long saying if cau bao and his ex wife stayed theyd be good now. For some reason, it made me think no that wouldnt have worked. and then the story unfolded. so no it definitely wouldnt have worked.

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