#because like. i truly don’t see anyone else making the Choice to do absolutely fucked up selfish things

[shorthaltsjester]

sometimes people will say “going dark” and then what they’re actually talking about is just people no longer presenting a carefully constructed version of their emotions and experiences.

like. emotional turmoil is not the same as darkness. laudna in this Fictional Universe that has tangibly different stakes wrt to death and killing than our own, is at best like . morally neutral for what she just did like. man has been secretly trying to kill you, and then just tried to do so again, killing him back is a fair choice. and even if i was someone who is excited by delilah’s inability to escape from the narrative, this shit isn’t about delilah. laudna made a choice. if delilah is back or whatever it’s a choice that laudna made because something in that grants her more control than her existing conditions did. this isn’t some Delilah Takes Over, it’s Laudna Expressly Makes The Choice To Call Forth Something within Herself to remedy the lack of control that’s been thrust upon her. if y’all want to Continue to limit Laudna’s agency (as the cr fandom is so, so want to do when a female character makes a choice that isn’t Good according to some weird system of virtue ethics) go ahead.

likewise with orym. little guy is not “going dark” because he has finally made direct action about his emotional turmoil in dealing with a situation which has similarly left him without control and has also placed him in a position where his stalwart conviction towards protecting and honouring those he loves and has lost alike is constantly met with other people he cares for going well.. what if they had a point/we are killing other peoples loved ones/etc. which like . yeah that might be frustrating and in fact might lead him to go, actually, i can’t afford to try and maintain some abject morality where I carry a locket that will literally only provide guilt. orym is completely committed to his beliefs, the locket and what it represents has never been a limit to what he will do, only a reminder of the consequences of what he might cause in those actions. but they Are at war and orym has a billion things on his plate. he can put down the locket. especially when bor’dor is the explicit manifestation of that locket’s symbolism. the subtext rapidly became the text and orym doesn’t need a reminder. it’s there in the fact that team issylra is walking away with two friends, not three.

these are character who have at every turn denied their own emotions in various forms while still being acutely aware of what they deny, whether that awareness was/is fully realized or not. many of laudna’s early convos with ashton show us that there is some awareness to the lighthearted spooky goth girl and how that persona fades when she thinks too much about what has led her and maintained that reality. likewise the entirety of orym’s story thus far is defined by his grief in a very literal sense, it Has extended from that grief to also the commitment he had to the purpose of figuring out the assassination attempt on keyleth but as we have seen, that purpose has fallen apart. paired with the quasi-reopening of his grief that was getting to see will again only to have to turn away, i don’t think there’s a lack of awareness in orym of how much he hurts. but between his actions and 4SD, that hurt tends to get buried under guilt or Responsibility.

and now, finally, both of them have admitted to that Not in the safety of small introspection or one-on-one conversations but with actions that they cannot shy away from or deny. laudna killed bor’dor and orym encouraged her to. and it Is a complex situation but truly I don’t really think it’s a “going dark” one. because they’re not giving into some overhanging Darkness of Morality™, they’re admitting that they are hurt and have long been hurting.

or, y’know, tldr for those who continue to deny laudna and orym agency or fully villainise them for whatever weird reasons . you could listen to laudna and ashton’s conversation that pretty much lays it out explicitly. laudna claims she’s weak for having chosen to kill bor’dor. ashton denies that and affirms instead that, no, she’s hurt.

#critical role #cr spoilers #laudna #orym #team issylra #maybe it’s because a lot of these people r also the people who have no literacy wrt religious and philosophical complexity #that Screams bad experience that hasn’t been reckoned with but. the Big part of healing is that. a lot of the time #especially with Trauma. the mess is gonna come before the pretty little bow does #like noah fence but . this is The Most interesting laudna and orym have been to me this far and it’s not because they’re Darker #it’s because they’re being more true to themselves #maybe this is nitpicky I Don’t Care #me watching c1 as vex admits that she still feels like a burden and Heavily considers being treeified for sondor. ‘is this vex Going Dark?’ #as an imogen Lover . let’s be real and admit the only Genuine going dark risk is her at this point in the campaign #because like. i truly don’t see anyone else making the Choice to do absolutely fucked up selfish things #and imogen considers doing that shit like . once every two eps At Least (affectionate but eyes wide about it) #anyway. reunion will be very interesting with an orym and laudna who are shedding pieces of what maintains their like Group Role #bells hells #critical role spoilers #cr3 #cr campaign 3 #bell’s hells #my posts

[gay-dorito-dust]

remember when you did the HSR hurt/comfort reader getting injured? i absolutely NEED one with gallagher, gepard and a character of your choice. you dont have to do this right away! just been thinking about it ‼️

Blade:

Feral. Absolutely feral.

This man gets somehow even more deranged the moment you get injured.

He’s pretty much foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog the moment his eyes noticed that you were unresponsive. If anything seeing you borderline catatonic tore Blade apart in the most painful way possible, just as his desperation to get to you before anyone else could do further harm became his mission.

Bodies were going to pile up real fast as Blade practically glides across the battlefield with grace, precision and a determination to eliminate any and all that stood to stop him from getting to you.

The destruction Blade left behind in that moment was unlike anything anyone has ever seen and Blade became a lot more dangerous man than before, many have reasons to suspected that he might’ve been holding back, and it wasn’t until now did they truly believe that their theory had weight.

After getting you away from everything Blade stayed incredibly close as you got patched up, going so far as to growl and snap at anyone or anything that he believed posed a threat to you or wasn’t doing their job right; he’d even pull out his sword as an silent threat/warning as to what was to come should you get worse rather better.

‘Blade I’m fine.’ You tell him, trying to stop him from killing the poor doctor who had just stitched up the last of your wounds. ‘I’m going to be fine, just please for my sake don’t threaten people who are just doing their job.’

‘I don’t trust them.’ Was all he said while holding your hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

‘The wounds were too deep Blade,’ you began, ‘trust them or don’t but that doesn’t change the fact that they saved me.’ Blade didn’t say anything after that but from the clenching of his jaw and the conflicting emotions flickering in eyes, it was clear that Blade was still very much conflicted about everything.

Needless to say that after you had properly healed from all your wounds, Blade became unbearably overprotective of you much to your dismay, but if it was going to silence his doubts for good then you were more then willing to leave him to his own devices.

Gallagher:

Is more concerned about your well-being and getting you the medical attention that you required than anything else. He could have the perpetrator sniffed out within minutes, but would rather spend those precious minutes making sure you were okay and that you were going to be okay by medical professionals.

He doesn’t care if he gets shit for not having his priorities straight by Sunday, the winged cunt could fuck off and die for all Gallagher cared, because at the end of the day he was always going to choose to take care of you over his job.

He’d naturally give the job of hunting down the perpetrator to someone else of equal rank while he decides to step away from everything to take care of you as the doctors instructed. For there was just no way in hell would Gallagher abandon you when you were bed bound, it just didn’t sit right with him.

‘You alright sweetheart?’ He’d ask as he helps you sit up in bed. ‘I’m okay Gallagher thank you for everything.’ You said, smiling up at him. ‘It’s not a problem.’ Gallagher replies as he sits on the edge of your bed, flashing you a smile. ‘As long as you’re okay, that’s all I care about.’ You furrowed your brows. ‘Won’t Sunday be on your case for slacking off on the job?’

‘Maybe but who cares when that winged rat has been slowly loosing control of everything for a while now.’ The brunette said as he then shrugged his shoulders. ‘But all I care about right is making sure that you’re happy, healthy but above all, safe.’

‘But I’m already those things regardless.’ You said, squeezing his hand as he chuckled, kissing the side of your head softly. ‘Then I’ll just have to keep up the good work then hmm?’ He says cheekily before winking and lifting himself off of the bed to fetch you food and medicine for your recovery.

Gepard:

Much like Gallagher, Gepard is more concerned either your well being more so then anything else because to Gepard, you and your safety were his number one top priory.

However after seeing you get injured, he feels as though he had failed you or wasn’t fast enough to get to you, and will let it eat away at him for a long time too before you have to step in and remind him why that was absolute bullshit.

Afterwards Gepard would treat you like porcelain or glass whether he was aware of it or not. You understood why but after a while when you began to get better you’d have to start telling him to cut it out.

You’d might to sit him down and gently tell him that he didn’t always have to treat you as though you were going to break after every minor inconvenience. Gepard would immediately go red in the face and apologise for over stepping, but you’d only smile and hold his burning face in your hands and pressing kisses into his skin, which would only make his face burn even redder then before.

He’s just a sweet soul who’d do anything to protect his loved ones and takes it rather personal when he couldn’t when he shouldn’t, but that’s just the way he was and you loved him for it very, very much and you remind him of that every single day. After all at the end of the day Gepard only wants you to be safe and heal at an acceptable rate, he would even go as far as to monitor everything closely so that there be no room for any possible health complications.

Seeing you injured had made Gepard more scared more than he’d like to admit, and he would do anything and everything in his power to prevent it from happening ever again, because for as long as Gepard was still breathing he’d dedicate himself to being your shield for the rest of your lives together.

And that’s a hundred present guaranteed.

#hsr fanfic #hsr imagines #hsr imagine #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #hsr blade x reader #hsr blade x you #blade imagines #blade imagine #blade x reader #gepard x reader #gepard x you #gepard imagines #gepard imagine #gallagher x you #gallagher x reader #gallagher imagine #gallagher imagines #Honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #Honkai star rail imagine #Honkai star rail imagines #hsr gallagher x reader #hsr gepard x reader #gepard landau x reader #blade x you

[sailorblossoms]

Even when Simon is confused and in the shackles of comphet he still believes Baz is inherently desirable and lovable (because he feels that way about him). I think about how much he tries to deceive himself into accepting a situation he's unhappy with, but when look past all the all the metal gymnastics, you’re left with a boy who desires another boy, who can't understand it, and who is jealous of the one of the only friends he has (which hurts him).

When he thinks "why would Agatha want him/what does she see in him?" ... in other media, we have the typical straight jealousy of a guy who is Going Through It because the girl he likes is interested in Another Guy, and Simon tries to operate within the situations and tropes and whatever expectations that come up in those, he tries to fit in that mold... but here, it feels more sincere to see it as Simon despairing not because he's concerned about The Girl's Love Life (he never is, not even when he's supposed to be in it) but because he's concerned about Baz. Because he doesn't want Baz to date anyone.

Simon never thinks of Agatha as desirable. He thinks of her as aspirational, as someone to be like, as a means to and end (belonging, a fantasy, etc). He thinks he should be attracted to her, like there's no choice, like his actual input doesn’t matter (using inanimate objects, which don’t have thoughts or feelings, and later admitting he didn't have any feelings for her either). It’s never "of course Baz would want my girlfriend, who wouldn't? I mean, look at her, she's so pretty! She’s so [insert good qualities here] [hell, Simon doesn’t even give you enough to fill in this sentence]".... Nope, it's the other way around! “Of course Agatha wants Baz” … even things that would make Baz “annoying” are included in the package of what makes Baz desirable for Simon.

That Agatha line about not wanting to break up only because of ball dances and shit, and literally nothing else, says it all. “The only reason you don’t want to break up is because you need a girl to be with in a very public event where you need to look heterosexually accompanied in order to fit in, but we don’t need to do that, we can just be friends” is essentially what it’s said. And friendship is all Simon actually wants from her: when he should be talking about her as girlfriend, he’s glaringly only saying they have only ever been friends, what type of friend she is, how they became friends, etc.

All of this is to say is… with that line I mentioned, what truly bothers Simon the most is that, in a moment where he can’t contemplate or understand anything outside of heteronormativity… he’s longing for Baz, but he fears his friend, a beautiful girl, will be the one to have him. He’s bothered and hurting because he sees Agatha as competition (snatching Baz’s handkerchief away and keeping it to himself, being bothered by the implication that she knows him better than him) and because can’t stand the idea of her “winning” (doesn’t he literally think “anyone but him” about Agatha pursuing someone romantically? going by memory here). And this is further complicated by Agatha being a close friend, and what if she also has feelings for him? What if she says she wants him because she loves him? What if he loves her back? (He’s bothered and angered when he thinks he’s hearing Baz say “I don’t care about her, I was just playing with her for no reason” which is a genuinely shitty thing to do, as opposed to “I don’t care” = “I don’t have romantic feelings for this person,” and Simon doesn’t truly want confirmation of Baz being actually bad, but at same time, he absolutely doesn’t want to hear Baz say he paid her attention because he wanted her. Even Baz simply holding her hands got him extremely fucked up). All of this are things keeping good ol’ Simon up at night. (Besides the whole “measuring success and fitting in by dating heterosexually in a way that I believe is aspirational” of it all further complicating any realization or contributing to feelings of betrayal. But at the heart of it, I think it’s as simple as “my friend wants the same guy I want”)

#you daily ‘Simon is obsessed post’ I guess #simon snow #snowbaz #baz pitch #simon snow trilogy #carry on #baz x simon #baz grimm pitch

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam: The Witch From Mercury Episode 12 Review

- On this episode of Gundam, we have pain and suffering!

- Already getting real fucking tired of Sophie. I mean I love psycho lesbians, but she’s seriously fucked up. Also it seems the Dawn of Fold girls are either genetically modified like El4n, or less stress is out in their body due to the absence of GUND Bits. However, the fact that they’re affected by Permet once again makes me question what the fuck is up with Aerial. Also Dawn of Fold has truly gone from resistance group to actual terrorists. Their job was to kill Delling, but they destroyed the base and murdered the people working there

- Prospera is the stinkiest fucking bitch in this series. She doesn’t even refer to Suletta as her daughter, just as “that girl.” And the brainwashing she’s doing to Suletta, telling her it’s perfectly fine to murder and not feel guilty is fucked up. The fact that her voice never changed tone in her entire convo with Suletta shows how fake she is. If she really cared about her daughter, she would comfort her and tell her that murder is wrong but sometimes a person has no choice, but they should always choose to prioritize lives and only kill when absolutely needed.

- The Earth Houses almost got caught up in the cross fire, but luckily Nika came to the rescue. Though now Martin saw her and knows she’s up to shady shit. It’s sweet that he knew she was missing and went back to her but he ended up seeing something he shouldn’t have. There are three ways this can play out:

1) Martin immediately tells the other guys and Nika gets excommunicated

2) Nika explains herself and Martine keeps it a secret

3) Nika’s terrorist upbringing kicks in and she kills him

- Shaddiq’s plans got foiled once again, but he doesn’t seem too shaken up. He wanted Delling’s head but he caused a big shakeup when in the Benerit Group still. But he’ll have to watch his back carefully. Because when one man learns he was behind this… he’s dead. Speaking of that man-

- Guel…just my boy Guel…

- I don’t think words can fully articulate how broken I am from that moment. But that’s not even a fragment of what Guel is feeling

- If this were any other anime, Guel would have came in just in time to help out, but instead he ended up murdering his dad. He tried to play the hero but he ruined his entire life. His thoughts of wanting to see Suletta again and not wanting to die really resound because he’s still just a child. He has so many things ahead of him, but now he’ll be stuck in a prison of self-torment due to his accidental patricide.

- Where will he go from this? Well they’re are a lot of ways, and none of them good. He could finally join the squad and either bond with Suletta (over both having killed a guy) or Miorine (over watching someone get killed brutally). Or he could go back to Jeturk and meet up with Lauda who’ll probably say he didn’t anything wrong, but that’s not at all what Guel wants to hear. Or he’ll go one a one man army to kill Shaddiq, either sneakily or just straight up fighting him and the harem. All I know is that my son is horribly traumatized and the show will probably go in for yet another punch in April

- Miorine and Delling’s moment really fucking hurt. Her dad wasn’t good to her, but he still wanted to protect her as decided by himself and her mother. Miorine, with all these conflicting feelings, wants her dad to lives cause even though she hates him, she still hopes that one day they could be a family. She’s doing her best to take care of protect her dad, even shielding him like he did to her when facing the end of a gun. And just when it looks like she’s saved by Suletta, everything crashes back down. The person she trusted more than anyone else and hoped to live the rest of life with committed a terrible atrocity in front of her and didn’t even care. I doubt she’ll be able to look at Suletta any longer, and any attempt to laugh it off will just hurt Miorine.

- Those tomato’s growing in the greenhouse… Miorine took such good care of them. She hoped to make them blossom and become their best selves. But Suletta squashed it. Now there’s nothing remaining but the icky guts of a once pure love.

- And now Suletta. frankly:

WHAT THE FUCK

- The way Suletta went from terrified of people being killed to happily squashing a man, making a joke about slipping in his innards, and then attempting to touch Miorine with those filthy hands is way too jarring. While some might say we’re carrying on from the Eri’s actions in the prologue, there’s a clear difference between the two. Eri had no idea what was happening. She just thought they were playing a little game on her birthday. She didn’t understand the concept of death. But Suletta fully knows well how precious life is and she squashed it under hand, making no mention of it. The problem is t that she killed a man, it’s that she disregarded him completely after he was dead. She continued on with her happy life, unburdened by the man who’s life was cut short. She had a choice. She could have put her hand in between them or pick him up and yeeted him, but she didn’t. She didn’t assess the situation and choose the option with no fatalities, she just jumped straight in with no regard for life and murdered a man.

- “If you run away you gain one, but if you move forward you gain two” This has been a message that permeates throughout the entire anime. At first, it’s very inspirational, but here we see the true colors of such a saying. Sometimes, it’s best to run away. Sometimes, it’s best to not use force. Because if you move forward, you have the capability of losing more than you gain. Guel attempted to move forward and killed his dad, Suletta attempted to move forward and lost her innocence as well as became a demon in Miorine’s eyes. Only Prospera, a revengeful woman still mad over having to leave in order to save Eri and her life would create such a saying. It’s a saying rooted in nothing but regret and burning hatred. Suletta’s blind faith in her mother has distorted the way she sees the world. Either she’ll be deprogrammed, or will be used as a weapon by her “loving” mother. However, only Suletta can do this. No one can save her but herself.

- With the second cour coming in April, we have a long ways to wait. Our three main characters, Suletta, Miorine, and Guel have all seen or committed an atrocity, one they will never fully heal from. Whether or not they can move forward in the good way, the bad way, or just run away is to be seen.

#shout out to the fact that out of all the characters only El0n and El5n made it out safely this cour #we stan these two complete dickheads #also guel comics will be feeding me for the break #delicious delicious angst please #gundam witch from mercury #gundam #g witch #suletta mercury #miorine rembran #guel jeturk

[thedanoriddler]

Hi!! I hope you’re doing good!! I literally found your blog today and I love your writing so much!! 💜 Could you pls write abt Eddie comforting you after an argument or issue with your family? I feel like it’d be really interesting to see how he’d handle that.

Given that I had a bad argument with my family last week, I really felt this ask 😭 I hope these are okay!

✨ Edward Nashton Comforting You After You Fight With Your Family ✨

Warnings: Some small references to smut but nothing overly explicit, references to body-shaming/fighting with your family

First of all, regardless of what the argument with your family was about, you just KNOW that Edward is there for you, regardless of what time it is or what the fight was about

He is ALWAYS on your side no matter what, he will always side with you during an argument with anyone because in his eyes you can do no wrong

He’ll patiently listen as you rant and ramble about the fight you’ve had with your family, nodding his head but otherwise just waiting before you’re finished before offering any opinions or advice

If the argument happens in front of him him though, he’ll stay out of it, just holding your hand and squeezing tightly. If your family start insulting you or he can see that you’re getting extremely emotional, though, then he’d step in to disagree with your family members because no one gets to insult you like that?!?! How dare they?!?

He’s not outwardly rude to their faces, but he’d definitely speak up to make it clear he’s on your side and that they’re wrong

Sometimes all he does is takes your hand and pulls you away from the argument because he’s so furious that he’s on the verge of saying or doing something really bad to them, like something that will make things worse between you and your family, and the last thing you need is your family having another thing - ie. Your choice of romantic partner or friendship group - to criticise you on

Eddie often takes you to his favourite coffee shop and orders you both coffee as well as a slice of pumpkin pie to share (it’s mostly for him if we’re honest but you appreciate the gesture, and sharing pastries with him is amazing) as you talk about what’s happened, and he does little coffee foam art things to try and make you smile, even doing whatever shapes you request

“… Could you maybe do a leaf, Eddie?” “Oh, that’s an easy one - of course! :D”

Honestly having coffee with him and getting to talk about it really helps, he listens so attentively to you all the time and it makes you feel so much better because he truly cares about what you’re saying and what you’re feeling

He lets you stay the night at his place so you can cuddle up with him and so you can feel safe together. He definitely wouldn’t hesitate to let you stay with him, especially if you usually live with your family or don’t have anywhere else to go etc.

If it’s a really bad fight that leads to you crying/full on sobbing, expect him to hug you super tight and not want to let go - the man is clingy as fuck and always shows it, not that you mind all that much of course

Either while he’s hugging you or if you’re cuddling in bed together while you’re sad about what’s happened, he’ll start humming songs like Ave Maria to calm you down, just running his hands through your hair and trying to soothe you, to help you sleep

Hearing his voice humming as his fingers run through your hair or over your back, the steady beat of his heart in his chest where you’re resting your head, his arms tightly wrapped around you… it’s so calming and makes you feel so much better

If your family has criticised your appearance, expect Eddie to be worshipping the fuck out of you even MORE than you’re used to. Like he already worships the ground you walk on, but now it’s amplified by ten. For example, if they’re criticising you being plus sized, he’s gonna be kissing the shit out of your tummy and your thighs and just absolutely rambling about how much he adores them, how much he loves how soft you are, he literally can’t stop himself, he’s just an absolute simp for you

No but when I say that man is a simp for you, he literally is. If your family has insulted ANYTHING about you, whether it’s your weight, your personality, part of your identity, your hair etc, he’s so ready to start telling you how much he loves every part of you and why they’re wrong, he could rant about how much he likes every part of you for hours if you let him

Eddie definitely wouldn’t hurt your family, because even when you’re fighting with them he knows you wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, but if one of them actually did do something like lay a finger on you or something super serious… expect the Riddler to pay them a visit at the very least 👀

Just in general, he’s very supportive and wonderful and would do quite literally anything for you 💚

#edward nashton x reader #the riddler x reader #paul dano x reader #paul dano #the batman #the riddler #edward nashton #danonation #the riddler imagine #asks #headcanons

[philipjohnclapp]

Could you write a Spike Jonze fic? Not a x-reader. I would love a fic of him jerking off somewhere. Intense and aggressive. Maybe with someone in the room without them knowing. Or even onto someone of your choice. I love your writing btw. It's good to see less x-readers

Car Jacking

Featuring Spike Jonze, nsfw, smut, and a good time.

Word Count: 1775

A/N: Okay, so, I haven’t written in a longgg while, cut me some slack. I put some effort in and I kinda sorta rushed the end! My bad! But I hope y’all enjoy some Spike, I swear there’s no fanfiction of him. This won’t be the last!!

He liked sex, well everyone liked sex. Unlike his peers he wasn’t fucking every groupie he met, or really at all. Guess he was the only one with complete sense. Though, if anyone else had the opportunity to fuck hot shit babes who don’t care about size just your title, they’d take it in a heartbeat. He wasn’t the star or anything. Just a director, producer. Whatever the fuck you’d wanna call it. His job consists of watching everyone ruin his shit, have sex with everything that walks, being a personal driver, drug testing everyone, covering up their mistakes so Jeff isn’t ripping em a new one. The list goes on, it always does.

He can’t catch a break, and that’s that. Groupies though, they don’t really give what he is, all they know is he’s in the beginning credits for Jackass, yet he wasn’t as significant as Tremaine, but he really didn’t care for all that glory. He was less significant, and outside of filming he could just be a shadow, cause he really didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Pretty average otherwise, but average wasn’t trying to coax Steve-O to shove a car up his ass. Or getting Bam to hold a snake for .5 seconds, just hold one! A damn garden snake.

And he’d just get a fuck you, and maybe when he’s sleeping they’d dump a huge jug of horse semen on him as payback. For doing his job, so, yeah. Maybe he was a bit pissed off, and maybe he shouldn’t bother, but it was his job. His job to fucking find areas to film, and deny groupies who slither around his arm at the end of the night at the bar. And he’d be sober, cause he’s the designated driver.

He’s not Tremaine. Tremaine doesn’t have to spend four hours begging Bam to hold a snake, Bam just does it. He also doesn’t have to wake up at four am to get Steve-O cause the fucker is stranded somewhere. Tremaine also has sex with groupies, and if he doesn’t? He has a wife. Tremaine also makes more money than him, not that Spike really cared. He wasn’t ever in this for the money, and as more and more time goes on he wonders what he’s truly in all of this for.

Maybe he wanted groupie sex.

There was two issues right about now, one being he was working. In a damn car, and for once he wasn’t the one behind the wheel, but what was worse is he was stuck in the back. At least when he’s driving he’s left alone for the most part, but now he’s stuck in the third row, wedged between Knoxville and Pontius. And he wasn’t sure how he ever got in that situation. Guess it was his fault he didn’t wanna drive for once, or couldn’t. He didn’t know why he couldn’t, could be the throbbing cut going down from the web of his middle finger down to palm. Or maybe because it’s been 48 hours without sleeping. He hasn’t slept well all week, but right now he was so mentally exhausted that he just might explode. Maybe thats why he was let loose from driving.

Dunn, or maybe it was Weeman who said he’d rather have a dog drive than Spike right about now. And if he could recall he might’ve even laughed about it. Muttering how good of a joke it was with a very agitated look on his face. He might’ve been cooler any other time, but he was absolutely exhausted. Taking a break. Cause remember?Spike wasn’t gonna drive today. instead he was wedged between two dead asleep assholes, both seemingly had a bad snoring problem.

He wondered if they knew that.

Oh! But a charmer, a doll like Johnny Knoxville could never snore. He’d bat his lashes maybe, or look at Spike deadpanned thinking he’s joking, and Spike would say sure. Chris would laugh, and giggle. Cause it’s funny. The whole world could die and Chris could find something funny outta that, that’s admirable. Something Spike was really starting to consider he lacked.

Perhaps one day he’d be unironically funny, or have a charm that even works on guys. Even if it meant he had a two incher, people other than groupies would still like it. Who knows, but instead he’d be thinking about having sex with one, maybe that would fix whatever crunch he’s stuck in. Instead of another beer. Did he mention he wasn’t much a fan of beer?

He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to sit and think about having a groupie, because the more he thought, the more worked up he felt and shifted around between Knoxville and Chris. Fucking Chris kept sleep kicking him, and had one arm wrapped around him like he was some chick ‘cause Chris was a weirdo, and Chris was a cuddler. Knoxville was just about in that exact same situation too. He had no room to himself. Part of him wished he was driving instead, listening to some old country music or something, cause even when Knoxville's sleeping he has to be in control of the music. He’s the star, and once again; Spike Jones is not, and that’s okay. He didn’t wanna fuck groupies and be worth zillions anyways. He had a hand, and that should be enough. Who cares if Chris is trying to cuddle him; and Knoxville could very well be drooling on his shoulder. It didn’t matter. Not right now anyways with his head so cloudy.

Somehow with that stick lodged up his ass he found a way, or that way sorta found him. In this moment he decided fuck it all, fuck the groupies, the car, and everything else for that matter. He was stressed, agitated, and pent the fuck up.

So, he ignored the dudes pressed against his sides and he tried to sit up straight. Once he somehow managed through that he went fidgeting with his belt. Should’ve worn some sweats, but instead he was rocking dress pants. Not very comfortable.

Agitated with his belt after some trial and error he pulled it through the loops and yanked down his fly, which arguably was tough to do. It got stuck halfway down, but he prevailed. Letting out a sigh of relief as he was only a few steps closer. Somehow managing not to wake a soul, and everyone else? They weren’t paying attention. Probably all knocked out up front. Still, he knew he had to be quick, so he continued on.

Not like right now he cared all that much about getting caught, but the thrill of actually doing so made him slow down his movements. He didn’t have that much patience though, shoving his hand straight into his slacks as he groped himself fully through his boxers, before fishing his dick out through his boxers fly. He was about average, he didn’t really know his size. Good enough though, and certainly bigger than Steve-O. Though he wasn’t staring at his dick or nothing, and no he wasn’t comparing dick sizes either. Half the world was bigger than Steve-O.

Still, he didn’t wanna think about Steve-O jerking off. That was like a boner killer, and he didn’t even have one yet! Somehow he managed to wrap his hand around his length, and he was unbearably dry. Cringing with the friction of his hand meeting his dick. Fucking sucked, but once again he prevailed. His anger would carry him through this.

Going back to thinking about what turned him on he thought of brown haired chicks, totally his type, chicks with lipstick. After sucking him off and getting it all smeared all over their face, big teary eyes, and moaning his name, and boy was it working. As he thought he slowly started to pump his length. Still, he was all tense with anxiety of getting caught.

Thinking deeper about this so-called brown haired girl he imagined her nude, and started to quicken his pace, stopping briefly as he rubbed his thumb against his beading tip. Breathing hitching, and squeezing his eyes shut. And then he thought of Tremaine and what it be like to fuck him, or right about now. He imagined Tremaine sitting next to him and Tremaine’s hand wrapped around his hard on instead.

Tremaine whispering dirty things into his ears, edging him on, and Spike glancing into his pretty blue eyes. Ones he could get lost in, an ocean that could swallow him whole, and that was enough for his pace to get faster.

Spike then heard some shuffling in the row of seats in front of him, Dunn asking Bam for some warm beer, and that spooked Spike, yet he couldn’t seem to care much as his strokes got rougher, eager. His stomach was coiling, yet Tremaine just wasn’t enough, not for him anyways.

He imagined instead, Tremaine getting down on his knees and sucking him off, keeping eye contact with him, and maybe even using a little teeth. That made him let out a low groan as he bucked his hips into his hand. He thought of his fingers intertwining with Jeff’s hair and tugging on it, and Jeff wouldn’t mind. He’d prevail and bob his head even faster. Like clockwork he moved his hand up and down if he could get even faster, using his glistening pre-cum as lube. Letting out a rather staggered moan.

And as he did Chris shuffled, his grip on him tightening, and he opened his eyes. Tightening his fist around his dick as he squeezed ever so lightly, before biting onto his bottom lip. It was almost enough to draw blood, and he might’ve. Aiming his dick at Knoxville's thighs as best as he could, giving himself one last farewell thrust as he climaxed, and he swore he might’ve even caught a glimpse of a few stars as he came. With the help of that imaginary Tremaine. His sweet release splattering onto Knoxville's rather pricey slacks. He almost let out a low laugh, his teeth releasing the grasp he had on his lip as he soon let go of his dick as well.

Once he did he looked at Knoxville's chest that rose and fell with each breath he took, and then went a little higher as he looked at his face. Spike's face went ghostly white, Knoxville's eyes wide open, even though he was wearing those too darkly tinted shades. Something about him he could just tell, he was awake. Well, shit.

Johnny Knoxville was staring straight at him, and then he opened his mouth.

#circa 2001 #jeff tremaine #spike jonze #jackass #ao3 writer #jackass fanfiction #steve o #johnny knoxville #angst prompt #drabble #jackass headcanons #please request #chris pontius #smut #chris pontius fanfiction #johnny knoxville fanfiction #johnny #netflix #spike jonze fanfiction #writers block #I’m #back #jackass the movie #jackass 2 #jackass1 #jackass forever #jackass fic #jackass 3d #weezer #CKY

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP Meme from Reddit 5/30/2023 - 6/3/2023

“I don't know why I bothered getting a degree and a stupid job when someone could have just told me that I could be a professional sheep thrower instead.” “Quick! Somebody get the patent for a sheep launcher!” “I smoked for years, took a break, smoked a blunt and went into full blown psychosis.” “I think the "extremely conscious of myself" is fundamentally the problem.” “It will be a life long lesson for this theft.” “Definitely don’t steal the whole damn plant.” “This was not mildly infuriating, this was fully infuriating.” “Have you never had shark flavoured ice cream?! It’s the best flavour!” “Customers are awful.” “Poor old grumpy.” “Stupid guy in a stupid shirt making anyone around him miserable.” “Our choices are the keys of our success or failure.” “That was true compassion.” “One of the greatest scourges of the modern age is people with the confidence of God and no reason to have it.” “Why would someone feel the need to treat someone this way?!” “Sometimes you have to do bad things to bring out a good outcome” “And who gives a fuck about the babies?” “Oh you were emotionally attached to this one swan?” “Poop into the drain to teach it a lesson.” “Get use to it because society truly doesn’t give a shit about anyone” “Society cares about class over absolutely everything else.” “Society only cares about the rich” “Why aren't men looking out for other men?” “Such a punchable face.” “Thought it was a fucked up pig for a minute” “That’s well over half a pound of pure sugar.” "If it's vertical, people will climb it. If it's horizontal, people will fuck on it." “Male angler fish are born just to find a female, bite her, then fuse with her body to become her sperm sack for whenever she decides she wants babies.” “Is there a reason why so many male animals look so fancy?” “Men likely wore makeup long before women did. War paint and other customs that have been traditionally exercised by men in various cultures are forms of makeup and are as old as recorded human history.” “For good portions of history, men wore more flamboyant clothing, makeup and heels. Heels and makeup later became more a woman’s thing within the last two centuries.” “Not weird just stupid and pointless. And terrible of course.” “If men wore makeup women couldn't compete.” “There's nothing stopping men from being fabulous too” “How does anyone know what animals see as attractive in humans?” ““Pee on him to assert dominance“

“COME GET YOUR FUCKING KID RIGHT NOW” “So instead of saying something about it...you just took a picture?” “Who records themselves sleeping?” “Cats seem like awful pets” “It just looks a little too pristine ya know?” “Do you want mummies?! This is how you get mummies!” “They threw it out in the ocean because of an unstoppable demonic curse it bore.”

“A fashionable pirate would have had a matching eye patch and little treasure chest earrings.” “I can tell you for sure, this is not the solution for water shortage” “Twice the pleasure? Double the fun?” “Double the fun, or double trouble?” “I think putting hot people in anything is always going to look good.” “If it’s any consolation, modern clothing doesn’t look good on fat old dudes either.” “All I got from this is that if you're good looking, you can wear whatever the fuck you want.”

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #roleplay starter #rp starters #reddit

[sohmiya]

NIKKA!!! NIKKA!!! BABES 💕💕🥰🥰✨✨

how are you?? i hope you’re well!! also have you played mila’s new game?? bc i absolutely adore it and honestly she is so so talented at writing characters who i fall head over heels for. like they’re always so real and intriguing and each one is so unique and whole and well rounded, you know??

anyway if you’ve played before dusk sets in who are you romancing?? i truly cannot decide like shiloh has my heart but also royce my beloved and lior my beloved and teja my beloved and chanel my beloved???? like i think it’s an impossible choice honestly (and also every flirt option mila writes is sooooo fun and makes me go insane so like why choose??? i’ll be a whore it’s okay)

i hope you’re well and that it’s warm where you are and that you’re getting lots of sunshine and eating well and that you have soft blankets and good tea and all the happy good wonderful things that you deserve 🧅🧄🌿🪴🤍

i love you so much!!!! 🤍🤍🤎🤎🥰🥰🌙

EMMA MY LOVE MY LIGHT HELLO

i’m consuming various forms of media to prevent a single thought from occurring but i’m doing okay!! i hope you’re doing wonderfully and living the life you’ve always wanted ily ily ily❣️❣️❣️

YESS I HAVE i loved the pacing of bdsi so much and how natural the choices felt!! there isn’t a lot of ifs that i keep up with now after i took a break from them and mila is one of the few authors why my sideblog still exists smdndjs and you are SO right about the ros!! and it’s got tropes that i don’t commonly see in ifs - or maybe it’s only because i don’t play a lot of ifs ssjnsjsj - like with t!! idk how to explain it but their route’s giving totga vibes and i’m so excited to see how it plays out and see how they soften around mc 😩

as for who i romance….. you give me no choice but to use “readmore” because i like boys i like talking about boys

ok i love all of them i really do but diversity lost. i still went for the best friend ro first 😔

BUT LISTEN I THINK THAT WAS EXPECTED OF ME i’m a f2l advocate first, human second !! but ugh god shiloh’s been rotting my brain. as if him being my best friend wasn’t enough, he just had to be charming and sarcastic and flirty and tattooed and cute like “see you tomorrow” “wasn’t planning on seeing anyone else” like who the fuck does that

BUT i will say that after playing the demo, l was a close second. idk like seeing a glimpse of their softer side underneath their cockiness made me get all protective and i just wanna put them in my pocket where they’ll be safe and have access to my wallet to buy ice cream. once i make an mc for lorenz i will follow them around in spirit and stand in the corner of rooms where they both are just so i can make sure my oc is acting right

anyways!! it’s wayyy warmer than i like because it’s summer where i am :( i can’t stop sweating and i never feel hydrated enough 🫠 OH and i started picking up my art supplies again after months of neglecting my hobbies and i’m trying to learn watercolor hehe <3

i also hope you’re getting wrapped in soft warm blankets like a burrito and you’re drinking your favorite tea and that your place feels homey enough for you to feel safe. i love you so much. sending your virtual kissies MWAH 💗💗💗💗

ALSO THE ONION AND GARLIC EMOJIS MADE ME SOFT FOR SOME REASON SHDSJKSS ILYSM

🍳🥓🍞 <- me making you breakfast

#emma 🌷 #nikka answers

[taetaespeaches]

Ok what?? Drunk anon here again and you’re a stan of me?? Girl please. I am your biggest stan. Don’t make me get into a brawl of affection with you! I’ll do it! Test me! (Without knowing me I feel like this sounds very aggressive lol - but it’s just my poor sense of humour, I promise I love you really)

Anywho, Yoongi’s list. This felt like Sophie’s choice. It may make me a basic bitch, but I am a Min/Kid gal till death do part these fics and I. Heart is forever clenched when reading these two, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that ALL your Yoongi fics are my faves. I read them front to back, top to bottom, on the regular. BUT, a list had to be made, so here we go.

Absolute absolute absolute faves:

When I say I love you forever, that’s what I mean.

My number one turn on in life is communication. Anyone I invest time into, friends, family or romance is someone I feel comfortable to pouring my heart out to, and vice versa with wanting to hear them give it all to me too. Holding meaningful conversation and feeling heard. So, I think what I loved about this fic is seeing someone as aloof as Yoongi (even though we both know he’s not actually that aloof and he’s just a honey boy) feeling comfortable enough to open up to Kid, and showing he obviously cares about her so much that he genuinely wants to listen to what she has to say. That’s literally all I want in a partner. Also good conversation AND smut? Is it Christmas?

You know I prefer apple jacks

I am a hopeless romantic at heart, who’s had an ever evolving wedding Pinterest board since 2011. And PROUD. So the way this spoke to the little girl living inside of me who has engagement and proposal fantasies. GAH. I just loved everything about this. Yoongi’s sincerity, Kid’s goofy banter. All of it. I will be sending this to any potential candidates who want to become my future husband or wife so they can take notes. Love.

I’d so take you down in a riff off

The world IS DROWNED OUT WHEN YOONGI IS SPEAKING. Period. Same Kid - I get you girl. I just love how soft yet flirty he is with Kid, but then so unbothered with everyone else. This is the exact kind of dynamic I am here for! Also love.

You look like Medusa

Sleepy Min in bed + banter = a swooning drunk anon

Honourable mentions that I also adore with all my heart:

- You should kiss a girl before you leave

- Why would you have the condoms clear across the room from the bed?

- You’re always going to be enough, Kid

- I can’t eat my cup of noodles because the microwave is an asshole

- I’m not walking out on you >> Don’t ever write a cypher about me, I’ll cry

- If your plan was to seduce me upon arrival, it’s working

- I love you more than coffee

- Keep it cute, Min. I’m not fucking you in the dorm shower

- I know it’s 4 am but it’s snowing

- My hands smell like gingerbread

I’m gonna spread these out a bit cause I get they’re LONG, but I can’t stop… I’m having way too much fun with this haha.

Love drunk anon, x

:(( we stan each other and it's cute! We're cute! But I will brawl you, bring it!

I'm cackling at you calling this Sophie's choice hahaha. Loving min/kid doesn't make you basic, it just means you have taste like all the rest of the lovelies <3 I'm so happy to hear you love them all so much aahhh that makes MY heart clench :(

Ok your top favs??? I'm so fond. "When I say I love you forever, that's what I mean" is still one of the fics I'm most proud of bc of how like lowkey but intimate it is and yeah, I'm so excited you enjoyed it so much. And I LOVE that you have a wedding pinterest board with no shame, as you should!!! When I tell you min and kid's proposal is 100 percent what I'd want 😩 was definitely living vicariously through kid there lol. Also yes, we love yoongi just being completely absorbed in kid that he forgets anyone else even exists, that's truly the dream. AND OMG! the medusa one- nearly forgot it existed but ahhh it was so fun to write. And your honorable mentions :( I'm just so happy that you love these so much, it's seriously making my day right now. Thanks for compiling these lists and putting your time and energy into this, it's seriously so sweet and it's making me so soft <3

I hope you're having a good week so far! 🧡

#drunk anon #asks #p.s. the lovelies love you lol and like same #you're just the sweetest :( ily

[selflessanatta]

How to Understand Karma and Apply It to Your Life, https://selflessanatta.com/how-to-understand-karma-and-apply-it-to-your-life/

New Post has been published on https://selflessanatta.com/how-to-understand-karma-and-apply-it-to-your-life/

How to Understand Karma and Apply It to Your Life

Karma

Whenever something happens I didn’t want or foresee, I still feel an initial burst of anger.

How dare Fate, Karma, God, (insert anyone other than me) make this awful thing happen?

Am I a victim?

After giggling at my foolishness momentarily, a nanosecond later, I cut that bullshit off by reminding myself that whatever occurs, it happens because of actions I took in the past, even if it was lifetimes ago.

Reincarnation is Useful Bullshit

Do I actually believe, as ontological Body reality, that I have actually existed through endless lifetimes?

No. I don’t.

But I don’t need to.

I don’t need to believe in magnetism to use a compass.

Karma still works when I act as if I’ve lived an infinite number of lifetimes, and more importantly, I have a great many more lives yet to go.

When something bad happens to me that doesn’t appear to be in any way connected to anything I’ve ever done in my life, my first reaction is, “Why me God?”

That question opens a doorway to suffering.

Enter Karma.

Instead, if I accept that whatever happened was due to something I did wrong in a previous life, it has two positive effects.

First, it cuts off the “why me” victim nonsense that makes me feel like shit.

Second, it makes me even more confident that my actions have consequences, which is what I want.

Third, and most importantly, when I consider my future lives, I know that anything I do will come back on me at some point, even if it takes thousands of lifetimes.

There is no escape from responsibility.

Moral Compass

People hurt each other for selfish reasons because they believe they can get away with it.

If my actions have no consequences, I would pretty much do what I want.

Most religions and cultures invent a Hell as a catch-all insurance policy against getting-away-with-it while you are alive, hoping perhaps this will motivate a few people to “be good” to avoid eternal damnation.

As a concept, it’s become so burdened by legalese, pointless debates on dogma, and philosophical mental masturbation that it no longer has enough emotional impact to scare people straight, assuming it ever did.

Karma is the shackle of personal responsibility every ego wants to avoid.

Yet, it must be chosen.

People have been imposing their Gods on each other since antiquity, forcing them to see the Light by using Dark, usually extinguishing the flames of heathens and heretics if they refused to accept someone else’s Salvation.

It was never about them, the people supposedly being Saved.

How fucked up is that?

Buddhism is different: It’s a path of choice.

You either choose to feel Karma’s navigating field or you don’t.

Here’s how it works.

If I truly believed my actions were absolutely going to come back to me in some form or fashion, and there was no escape, none, no dodging responsibility — when I felt that hit my heart — I didn’t want to inflict my selfish desires on anyone.

The Power of Karma is its ability to prevent me from hurting others.

I use it as a mind hack.

A useful tool to drive my motivation toward virtue.

When you learn to navigate by it Karma is an excellent moral compass, a needle aligning your heart True North, pointing you down the Proper Path.

(Taylor Swift, Your words are beautiful. Your every action proves your authenticity. You obviously “Get It.” I feel your heart!

Swifties, Disciples of Taylor Swift, you sit at the feet of a Master. You are in good hands.)

100% Responsible

Once I started navigating by Karma, I took 100% responsibility for everything that occurred to me.

Why? Because if I act unwisely, hurt people, or do bad things, it’s all going to come back to bite me in the ass.

I don’t want that.

There is no pleading for mercy. Directing consequence to another. Offering rationalizations and hoping the verdict goes my way.

Potential outcomes down the dark path are unpredictable and undesirable.

Perhaps a rival takes revenge. Perhaps a fraud perpetrated years ago is uncovered. Secrets haunt you at night, disturbing your mind.

Emotionally, you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I don’t want that.

Regret: What Responsibility Feels Like

Live-with-no-regrets is the anthem of Desire. It’s not wise spiritual advice.

A life without regrets represents a failure to learn from mistakes.

For many years, I would seduce my wife, subtly coercing her into pleasing me when she really didn’t want to.

It isn’t a virtuous behavior. I put my selfish desire over her needs and wants.

I would not have been happy if the roles had been reversed.

For many years, I continually inflicted subtle emotional pain on my life partner.

I didn’t feel that pain because I didn’t consider her experience, and I likely would have convinced myself I wasn’t responsible for her reaction.

I felt no regret.

When I looked honestly at the behavior, an unpleasant feeling of revulsion arose.

The deeper I dug, the more intense I felt that pain.

Most people recoil when they feel the unpleasant feelings of remorse.

I use it as a warning sign.

It’s telling me that I am considering a behavior that has caused others pain in the past.

If I continue down this path, I am likely to do something that will make me feel that pain with more intensity.

Don’t do it.

Just say no.

~~wink~~

Anatta

[sheviolentlyher]

A women’s heart can withstand a blast like that. It is heavily armored and looks very much like Joan of Arch.

I think I understand now. I was too much of a girl. Yes, I can say that I was needy, only because he presented that opportunity. Enough excuses. My inexperience with intimacy and romance had me at a disadvantage. I took it all to heart like I’m built too.

Seeing as we don’t really need each other, but we did, and we do. Because life is completely driven by mentality. It is not how beautiful, rich, or privileged you are. It is what lies inside that fucking skull of yours. People need community, so that means people need people.

If you can just have the one fucking person accept you for your entirety, then what else do you ever really need? NOTHING.

Maybe I am stretching my thinking a bit too far here, but I quickly decide that I am not. Men are the ying, and women are the yang. We walk around this earth as a half circle, trying to find our perfect match, anyone will admit this, and if they say they don’t need anyone? Then they are lying to your face and you should deeply consider reevaluating your approach. It is my personal opinion that those people are extremely hurt and heavily guarded.

Life can seem absolutely impossible, and this is the true meaning of feeling “alone” even when you already thought you felt circular at one point in your current relationship. So, do you adjust and settle? Or do you continue the searching to be whole, to feel complete, to actually feel change in your mentality? Yeah, it’s a hard fucking choice isn’t it?

Is there where “love” and “in love” come into play?

Think about it. If you settle, you do love that person and fully commit to the journey ahead. If you feel that you truly need to continue the search it can be absolutely devastating to the relationship. What is it that you want so badly that you cannot already give yourself? See, that is a hard question to answer because what you want you cannot mentally, physically give yourself because you are already giving it to yourself on a constant basis. Are you with me?

This brings me to an old myth about god punishing humans by ripping them from their soul mates and throwing them down to earth with no way of finding each other. Left with only guesses we vow to someone in the name of god that we will basically play the role of “soul mate” when there is a pretty good chance they know in their hearts that it’s not them. Some people are able to find this in life, I don’t want to call them lucky because half of the fun is feeling the mundane feeling of being alone with oneself, but that’s just me. Ha. I love romanticizing life in a dark way because everyone else likes to use fairies and princesses. Which are nice every once and awhile, not gonna lie. Togetherness is so odd sometimes.

It is why I curse the mundane vows of marriage. It seems so cult like and routine. Did someone know that we were made like this? Feeling incomplete? but what if we followed the vows of marriage, then we should definitely feel complete?

I went way off track there and I laugh at myself. Pacing back and forth in a mind suffocated by dull stranger chatter. I appreciate my mind significantly. It is my most prized possession. It makes me feel so confident that I am no longer mentally worried about the image other people’s minds make of me. It’s sorta like this egotistical “it’s your loss” kind of mindset. I used to be worried about my physical appearance constantly. It was eating me like the rocky horror picture show eats at the gay community 😆— anyways ever since I have intentionally invested time and energy into making my mindset as become more and more circular, I have felt like the most beautiful being on earth. I need nothing to make me glow because I am constantly glowing. My aura hugs you from ten feet away. Okay, now I may be boasting, but I only speak what I am observing.

Human behavior intrigues me deeply. The mind being so fertile yet fragile excites me. I can tell you about you more than you can tell yourself about you. I make you think for days and days and it drives you mad, but you want more!!! I love studying humans like I am the smartest being on the planet. It is what makes me feel more like a creature than human, and I love that feeling. Humans are the most easy and complex thing there ever is to observe. I enjoy most of the experiences I have with human beings. They are generally always bottled up with words and I compliment them wonderfully with conversation starters. I love getting lost in the moment with them. Every encounter seems personal and real. They love compliments in any form, and I take much pleasure giving them out freely, everyone underestimates the infinite power of a compliment.

There are days where it is hard to not also stay attentive to the impulsive animal nature of the human. Everyone likes to call these “horrors,” and I would agree. I tried to think of another to associate my thoughts to the word horror. What is really scary to me? What do I find horrifying? Horrors differ from each mind but you can most certainly find the most common ground when talking about said horrors all the fucking time. I think early human beings were always naturally optimistic, but these horrors have turned the entire race into pessimists.

Again, proving that mentality dictates life. But how do we get there in an optimistic way in a country with oppressed human beings? I’m not saying physically oppressed, materialistically oppressed, I’m talking mentally oppressed. And it is done way more often that you think. Certain words being used by our government that our mentality oppressed minds have the time to even compute fast enough to keep up and really define what they are saying. They know this about us and I want to also know this about us.

Seems I have jumped down a rabbit hole again, but I love butchering the mind like this. It is what freedom really is.

How the fuck did we get here? 😂 this was fun my love. You know how much I appreciate you sitting here eagerly letting me speak freely. What a privilege and pleasure this always is. Deep diving into the infinite life inside of your many burning stars, keeping the way lit the entire time. Thank you for allowing me to speak my works of art and hang them here on your wall of nothingness. I live and speak life very poetically, figuratively, and cosmically. I take pride of feeling like I’m just a girl going insane in a woman’s body. Not knowing how to manage, maintain or acknowledge this growth inside and outside of me. A little girl who knows nothing but always is eager to know everything. I fucking love this place we call earth and I am having a great fucking time.

I love you my void, be good. 💋

P.S - - god, I feel beautiful.

-x

#tuesday #human behaviour #human nature #humanity #human #diary #tumblr diary #diaryposting #personal diary #poetic #writeblr #writing #writers and poets #poetry blog #poetry #spilled writing #deep writing #free writing #free write #writblr #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #girl interrupted #divine woman #womanhood #high value woman #raw thoughts #raw #deep truth #deep post

[unbiddenser]

I graduated four months ago and I am irrevocably lonely. I was extremely social while in school and talked to everyone. All I knew was being a student, all I knew was seeing the same people everyday for 12 years. I miss so many people that I wasn't even close to just because I saw them every. single. day. and now I don’t know what to do with myself. I have a list of people who I want to reach out to and see again but it just feels impossible, especially because I don’t feel like I was close enough to them even when we did see each other everyday to warrant hanging out outside of that obligated time. But now it means that all of my friends are going to college. Most of them are just going to the community college down the street but it means they have things to do all the time. They aren’t just thrown into a mental nothingness as soon as they’re away from people, they have real things and deadlines and real people that they still see everyday. It’s not like I have absolutely NOTHING going on, I have a part-time job that I genuinely love but outside of that I basically don’t see anyone other than my family. If I’m lucky, my one friend who actually moved to the city for college will commute an hour back home for the weekend but even when she can make it out here she has to divide that short time between her family, her boyfriend, and our other friends which means we lost a lot of what our friendship used to be. It’s a similar boat with my other best friend, they live only a half hour away but they're still in high school and they have plans everyday, they’re often so busy I have to reserve time to hang out with them a month and a half in advance, even then sometimes we have to cancel because we both work. God I hate how it sounds to express that because it seems very blamed-on-them which is not truly how I feel, I love them so very dearly and I’m actually really happy that they are both doing so damn well. It’s just hard when everyone else has so much to do and you end up just sitting around too exhausted to do anything for yourself.

I’m historically quite content with being alone and greatl valu ehaving time to myself to think, recharge, and just spend time with myself but that was back when it was a much more deliberate choice. Now I barely even have the option to take time for myself, its just freely given to me. Maybe I’m in a depressive slump or maybe I just need to get out of here. I think I will try and register for classes at the community college for winter term, I was originally going to take some art classes but I never had any student aid and it felt silly to pay thousands of dollars for two art classes I could take for free. But I think I need it, just to have something in my weekly structure that isnt work. Something that in a way feels familiar again. And also I was really looking forward to taking the classes because it meant I’d meet new people. I think I will sign up for those same art classes again, I’m so fucking tired of feeling like this.

[phoenixyfriend]

SW Suddenly-Omegaverse AU: Surrogacy, Worldbuilding, Obi-Mom

Truly the main irony of all this is that everyone considers Obi-Wan the Better Omega but Anakin is the one who's actually 👀👀👀 about pregnancy

Obi-Wan: I have the deepest respect for those who do it, but the idea of growing another person inside of me is weird and gross, no, thank you.

Meanwhile Anakin is like. Immediate baby fever. Someone actually approaches him like "hey... there are forms you can fill out to request an exception for pregnancy, and like... regulations" because he's that obvious about it.

I assume that if they've got safety nets for accidental pregnancies, then they're probably aware that there are people who want to do it on purpose? I feel like in an omegaverse where 'biological imperative to procreate' can be so much more intense, then maybe there's old precedent that stuck around even after suppressants got most of those hormones under better control.

Bit torn. Just know I want Anakin to Make Baby.

"Anakin, what are you--" "Do you think offering to be someone's surrogate would be acceptable to the council as a way to be pregnant without getting attached." "...what." "They'd probably accept that as a way to practice not getting attached, right?" "N...no, that's not... what?"

Anakin approaching Bail and Breha and being like “Do you... still want a kid? I would provide a kid. Do you want one here*?”

* in this dimension

Great way to give up the baby as a parent because he'd still be able to see them once in a while but also like... it's not HIS kid, technically. He can be a cool uncle who happened to give birth, which is distant enough to not be 'attached,' but close enough that his Tatooine-raised 'must ensure family is safe whenever possible' background doesn't flip out. It helps that 'Core World Royalty' is like... a top-tier family to be raised in.

(It would have to be post-war because he probably shouldn’t be risking his life while very pregnant. He needs to be reminded of that sometimes.)

Bail/Breha is an alpha/alpha relationship and while a pregnancy is still possible,* it’s a whole lot more difficult, and that's on top of Breha's canon medical issues that resulted in her heart and lungs getting replaced.

* AFAB alphas can get pregnant, and AMAB omegas can inseminate, but the success rate on that angle is much lower than the 'traditional' alpha/omega roles, as is any attempt at reproduction outside rut/heat. They're low-fertility overall for the non-dominant aspect of their reproductive system, which... ha, Anakin and Obi-Wan try to get explanations for why the senary system works the way it does, but it's a very longform history lesson that comes down to 'idk this got cemented so long ago that nobody really knows why anymore.'

AKA "why do you title these roles male omega and female alpha instead of intersex omega and intersex alpha since both parties have both genitals."

ANYWAY

Anakin: I want to make babies. But I don't want to get kicked out of the order. But I don't want to give up my own babies for adoption. But I can't keep my own babies if I want to stay a Jedi. So basically I want to have someone else's babies? Anakin: ...wait shit that's just surrogacy.

Anakin, calling up Obi-Wan: Hey are the Organas still struggling to have a kid? Obi-Wan: ...not really your business. Anakin: You're friends with Bail again though, right? Obi-Wan: I am, but-- Anakin: Do you think they'd want me to be a surrogate? Obi-Wan: What.

I can't decide if it's funnier for the Order to be like "I mean... technically there's no rules against this?" or if this is a precedent set by at least three omegas every generation because that's just how a/b/o manifested for omegas in a biological and cultural sense.

Bail: Wait, your former apprentice is... volunteering... to be our surrogate. Obi-Wan, exhausted: Yes. Bail: He barely knows us. Obi-Wan: He respects you and you're the closest people he knows that want a child and would be good parents. Bail: And he's just... volunteering? Obi-Wan: Yes. Also, you did say your primary worry was that a surrogate might be targeted for assassination and you couldn't ask someone to risk that, right? Anakin is very much able to avoid assassins, and would be staying primarily in the Temple anyway. Very safe, and not particularly scared of assassins in the first place. Bail: Your words say you approve, but your tone says otherwise. Obi-Wan: Anakin considers me his father. I'm not old enough to be a grandparent. Bail: Ah.

Anakin is a surrogate and enjoys it and everything is fine and then like a year later he's accidentally pregnant with his own and Rex's kid, and nobody knows how to ask if it's actually an accident.

A suggestion from @gelpenss:

OH MAN i.... have to drive home. But I just had a thought about like. I always want to poke at Betas in A/B/O like are they “normal” or different from our standard or.... but ANYWAY assuming they have a pheromonal thing I just think it would be neat if betas had the ability to be the Bucket of Cold Water. Like if caught early enough, and with the caveat it’s not permanent, a beta could arrest a rut or heat in its tracks until a more ideal time. Like. They aren’t birth control. But they are the remind me later button.

Okay done driving I am Returned to bring up why I brought up betas and it’s this: well okay 1. It plays nice with a popular but inaccurate dog breeding urban legend that female dogs will like, delay heat cycles? so that the bitches above them in pack hierarchy have first choice of mate selection. And I think in omegaverse it would be cool if that was a Bio Fact, and also historically enforced by the third designation. 2. It gives me an excuse to have betas have the Most Sensitive sense of smell because it’s their “job” to pick up on things before they go too far to be put on pause. 3. I’m just thinkin ‘bout a beta clone [...] just hovering around Obi-Wan because they found out how much stress his heat cycle causes and they’re like “okay cool I will help make sure it does Not”

I want to like a/b/o verses but betas niggle at me. I want to give them a hat and a Function that woulda helped before modern medicine.

I'm not sure how I feel about betas being able to delay heats, but I do like the idea of them having a more sensitive sense of pheromone smell than most. Most aliens assume it's omegas with the best sense of smell, and betas with the worst, but it's more complicated than that because they all specialize: Alphas are actually less attuned to pheromone smells, but more attuned to things that were useful back when humans were still a hunter-gatherer species. Omegas tend to be heightened towards danger smells like fire or aggression, and pheromones relating to children/care. Betas, as suggested above, are very sensitive to pheromone changes relating to mood and behavior of the community around them.

I like the idea that betas were historically the ones that ended up taking care children, unmated omegas, and so on during people's heats and ruts, because they kept their heads about themselves long enough to do things like cook and clean while someone was reeking of hormones. The checks and balances work out that betas may have lower fertility, but it makes them better able to support the network around them.

It works in with humanity's general collective history of thriving the most when working as a community.

Given that I decided that this is Jangobi, the clones might all subconsciously view Obi-Wan as Mom. Not intentionally, but, you know... Obi-Wan the not-evil stepmother. He doesn't know how he got into this situation, but he sure is here, and he sure as hell doesn't know how to get out.

Obi-Wan "I don't need to get pregnant, I have three million stepchildren" Kenobi

I definitely love "clones all want to make Obi-Wan's heats less stressful" but like in a different way from Whatever The Fuck Anakin's Got Going On.

Obi-Wan using the force to dull the pain in a Shiny's broken leg while the medic works on it and the Shiny just mumbles "Thanks mom" and everyone gets very embarrassed and pretends it didn't happen.

But then it happens again. And again.

Obi-Wan asks for an explanation from Cody and gets a halting response that, since Jango is technically their father, and his scent has been all over Obi-Wan recently... and Obi-Wan puts in a lot of effort to take care of them all.......

Anakin overhears the clones calling Obi-Wan "mom" and just. The most judgmental eyebrow raise.... Mostly in the sense of "You never let me call you dad" "Thought you said you weren't anyone's parent." "Hey, hey, Obi-Wan. What the fuck."

BOBA. BOBA ABSOLUTELY CALLS OBI-WAN MOM WHENEVER POSSIBLE. IT'S DEEPLY FRUSTRATING.

Obi-Wan eventually manages to admit that he's uncomfortable with it at minimum because of the gendering the word has for him, can they at least use the neutral 'buir' instead?

Word spreads like fire, takes like two days max for everyone to switch.

(Anakin demands cuddles as compensation for not getting to call Obi-Wan any true parental term for years.)

#Anakin Skywalker #Obi Wan Kenobi #Bail Organa #Rexwalker #Jangobi #Captain Rex #Commander Cody #Boba Fett #star wars #the clone wars #omegaverse #SW Suddenly Omegaverse #mpreg tw #phoenix posts

[yourmidnightlover]

all my fault

Request: spencer and y/n are married, and they’ve been trying to have kids, and then she finds out she’s pregnant. a few weeks into the pregnancy, she has a miscarriage, and at the hospital the doctor said it’s bc she had an abortion as a teenager, and it fucked up her it yet us. spencer didn’t know she had an abortion, and blames her for the death of the baby, and they end up sleeping separately for a while and they have to grieve by themselves. spencer ends up talking to emily about it bc of her experience and it has a comforting ending!

Summary: when reader has a miscarriage after trying to have a baby with spencer, and things about her past are revealed and leaves things rocky within their relationship.

CW: miscarriage, pregnancy, mention of abortion, spencer’s rly harsh at first, teenage pregnancy, mentions of surgery, a cervix condition that i kinda made up, depressive thoughts, negative self-worth, HAPPY ENDING. *please let me know if i’ve missed anything*

A/N: i’ve been working on coming up with a series, which i posted last thursday! i’m sorry i haven’t been as consistent with my schedule, this summer has really taken a toll on my mental health and school is about to start back up. i promise i’m not quitting writing, but my writing might become a bit more sporadic in terms of my posting schedule. i’m still not sure if i like how i’ve executed this piece, so please let me know what you think!

IMPORTANT A/N: this contains serious topics centered around pregnancy and abortion. reader end up blaming herself and it is a very triggering subject to some. if you aren’t comfortable with those kinds of depressive thoughts PLEASE DONT READ. i don’t want anyone to be triggered by my writing. your mental health matters. you matter. do not read if your sensitive to the subject matter, please!

———————————————————————

when you and spencer checked the third pregnancy test and saw those two, very clear lines on the stick, you felt an unbelievable amount of joy.

“oh my god,” you clamped your hand over your mouth, your eyes welling with tears.

“y/n…” he held his breath, holding your free hand with both of his own.

“you’re gonna be a dad,” you huffed out a laugh as his arms flew around you.

“and you’re gonna be a mom! we’re gonna have our own little family,” he cheered as he breathed in your scent, elated from the news he had hoped for since you said ‘i do.’

spencer had wanted to be a father since he met henry, you remember how attached he was to the child who wasn’t even his own. you hadn’t always wanted children, only when you were absolutely ready for them. now, you were more than ready.

your arms flew around spencer’s neck as his went around your waist. he dropped to his knees and began pressing kisses against a bump that wasn’t even visible yet, praising you and your body for carrying his child.

because it was so hard for you to get pregnant, spencer decided to baby you every chance he got. you didn’t do the dishes or sweep, you weren’t allowed to reach for high shelves or even step on a chair to do so. he was worried about you and the baby, so you let him. you found it endearing.

the perfect man that you married was so worried about the little bean inside of you, worried for your safety, that it drove him a bit mad. who were you to complain? each time he’d do one of the new little quirks like not letting you lift anything above 10 pounds, you just smiled to yourself and brushed it off.

being pregnant was something that you had lost hope for, in all honesty. spencer had been talking to a few friends who had adopted children prior to finding out you were pregnant. if this hadn’t worked out, the two of you were going to look into adoption.

spencer had planned your doctors appointment for 6 weeks after your last period. the appointment was in three days. and then the perfect outline you had for your future went down in crumbles.

you had been having pains in your lower abdomen, and you figured it was just because you were pregnant. you went to the bathroom like you normally would when you felt queasy, kneeling by the toilet in preparation for what was to come. only nothing came.

you decided to just go pee and get back to bed. there was a pain that wasn’t like you’d felt before when you were peeing, like someone had been pulling your intestines out of your body. when you looked down, you felt your stomach drop.

“spencer!” you cried out. “spencer, hurry!” you felt tears well in your eyes until he ran up beside you. his hand was on your thigh as the other one was trying to steady your shaking hand.

“what is… oh,” he looked in the toilet to see blood inside of it.

“spencer… what happened? i don’t know what happened. everything was doing so well and the baby-we just found out and now they’re-wh-what’s gonna happen?” you rambled out, unsure of how something this horrific happened so quickly.

“i-i don’t know, my love,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i don’t know. but we’ll go to the hospital right now, okay? we’ll get answers.”

you just nodded. you couldn’t speak anymore. you felt your throat closing in on yourself. you cleaned yourself up and got dressed. even looking in the mirror with spencer’s arms around you, you didn’t feel anything but guilt and worry.

spencer’s touch would usually be something to ease your mind and take away the thoughts of everything else around you. only this was something wrong inside of you. you were the problem this time. and you didn’t think anything could fix this feeling.

“let’s get to the hospital, yea?” you nodded as he held onto your hand, trying to ground you to himself as he guided you to the car.

you were silent the entire drive to the doctor. there was nothing to say. there was nothing to do. there was just… nothing. you were numb.

“hey,” he spoke up, “we don’t know what happened yet. there’s a chance it’s just a fluke, right? the baby might be okay.”

“what’re the statistics, spencer? tell them to me,” you ordered as tears flowed from your eyes.

“y/n…”

“tell me! why don’t you want me to know?!” you accused him, looking over at the man driving as he but his lower lip. “1 in 4 women who experience bleeding during a pregnancy are fine. 25 percent. the other 75 percent of people have either a miscarriage or serious complications. those are the statistics.”

“y/n…” he sighed, “it’s not your fault. you didn’t want this to happen. besides, there’s still a 25 percent chance that nothings wrong.”

“whatever,” you rolled your eyes and opted to look out of the window for the remainder of the drive to the hospital.

-

“alright,” the doctor entered the room. “we have the results from the test and we’ve examined the ultrasound pictures. i’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage.”

what were you supposed to feel? an overwhelming sense of sorrow? like a failure? like the one thing you wanted most in the world fell through?

“how-how did this happen?” you spoke through the tears. “we were so-we were careful. i didn’t lift heavy objects, i didn’t do repetitive motions, i just… we tried so hard to make this work,” you shook your head in disapproval, as if you wouldn’t accept the answer that had already been proven to you.

“there’s proof of an abortion when you were a teenager. there was severe damage done to your cervix that wasn’t assessed pre-pregnancy. now, we can repair the damage within the next two months, but it will still be difficult to become pregnant after the surgery,” the female informed you.

“then what’s the point of getting the surgery?” you scoffed, looking at spencer who was just staring off in space.

“while getting pregnant will still be difficult, maintaining the pregnancy is much more likely. the fetus would be more protected and secure after the surgery,” she explained with a pitiful smile, you couldn’t help but wonder how she could smile after giving you the worst news of your life.

“right,” you nodded curtly, allowing her to sense the mood of the conversation.

“i’ll leave you two be. i’m so sorry for your loss,” she gave the both of you a pitiful smile before exiting the room, the only sound audible being the closing of the door.

it didn’t feel real. it felt as though you were in a nightmare. only this time, you wouldn’t wake in spencer’s comforting arms. you wouldn’t hear the soft soothing voice of the man you love trying to calm you down. you wouldn’t feel the solace he would provide by merely being himself in your proximity.

the drive home was eerily quiet. there was an inkling of animosity between you. looking over at spencer in the driver’s seat, he had a dead look on his face, the only sign of previous emotion being his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks. he didn’t even look like your spencer. he looked like a stranger in the drivers seat with a cold expression that you could barely read.

you knew this was something you should talk about. when the nurse came back in the room it was only to offer a few referrals go therapists that specialized in this kind of grief. clearly, any couple should talk about losing an unborn baby. but you knew that’s not what spencer was truly upset about.

you waited until you shut the door to your apartment before saying anything.

“maybe we should talk about it?” you whispered, not knowing how he’d react.

“about what? the fact that you’ve lied to me for our entire relationship?!” he wouldn’t even turn around to face you. “i thought we were in this together, y/n. we aren’t supposed to keep secrets from each other - especially not any that just killed our child!”

“hey…” you winced at his words. “why would you say that?”

“that’s the truth! your choices when you were a teenager just killed our child! my child!” he finally turned to face you, and you wished he hadn’t.

“do you think i knew they would botch my abortion, spencer?! do you think that’s what i wanted?!” you stepped closer to him, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“i don’t know what you want anymore, y/n,” he shook his head, clearly exasperated.

“i want you. i want to get the surgery to fix my cervix. i want to grieve our child. i still want kids… with you, spencer,” you tried to ease the mood, calm him down. you reached your hand out to cup his cheek before he dodged your touch, afraid of touching you. “but you don’t want that?” you whispered so quiet, too afraid of the answer to raise your voice.

“i-“ he sighed and bit his lower lip. “i don’t know.”

“right. of course you don’t,” you shook your head before sitting on the couch, dropping your face in your hands.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he scoffed as he took off his coat.

“it means that: of course, you’re making this about you! it can’t be about us grieving our loss together like the doctor recommended?!” you peeked between your hands at the man you still didn’t recognize.

“maybe we shouldn’t grieve together since we can’t even have a conversation without getting angry at one another,” he tried to reason.

“the only reason i’m getting mad is because you’re blaming me for my baby’s death,” you spat back at the doctor before you.

“because it’s your fault!” he stood strong in his belief. “when you were a teenager, did you or did you not have an abortion?”

“i did,” you admitted.

“and the nurse said that in said abortion, they screwed your cervix up! if you didn’t have that abortion, our child would still be alive! we would be on our way to become happy parents!” he accused, rubbing salt in the already stinging wound. “it’s your fucking fault!”

“stop saying that,” you shook your head and dropped it back in your hands, trying to hide the tears that began to flow down your face.

“it is, y/n! i can’t believe you’re even trying to say this isn’t!” he chuckled, clearly getting under your skin.

“shut up, spencer!”

“i can’t, y/n!” he sat in the chair across from you before standing back up, too hyper to sit. “no wonder it was so hard for you to get pregnant.”

“spencer,” you begged him to stop, meeting his face with your teary eyes.

“y/n,” he stared you in the eyes, and you saw a glimpse of the man you loved for a second before he retreated to the bedroom.

you sat on the couch in confusion of what had just occurred.

when you were 15, you’re boyfriend was adamant about taking your relationship “to the next step.” you didn’t think you were ready to have sex, but you wanted him to stay with you. so, you gave in. it just so happened to be that you were one of the lucky girls that ends up getting pregnant her first time in spite of birth control and a condom. you couldn’t tell your mom about your pregnancy, she’d have your head on a pole.

so, you earned enough money from your job to get an abortion yourself. you went to a clinic and had your boyfriend’s mom come with you to sign as your guardian. was it smart to get an abortion that cheap? probably not. but you had no other choice. your mom had made it abundantly clear that if she caught you fooling around with him that she’d kick you out.

you were 15. you were young and still had to finish high school. there was no support system for you. you would’ve been on the streets with a little baby - not to mention the amount of debt you’d go into for just giving birth to a child in a hospital. it was the only choice.

and now you were being berated for making the only choice you even had - and by the person you loved most in the world.

you curled into yourself on the couch, laying your head on the arm and crying into the fabric. you released all of the tension and turmoil. you held onto the cushions as if it were the man that you wanted - no, needed to comfort you. because as much as you’d hate to admit it and try to fight those thoughts, part of you thought that spencer was right. it was your fault.

you fell asleep on the couch that night. you didn’t have the strength to get up to grab a blanket so you just sucked it up.

spencer didn’t sleep at all. he was used to having you curled into his chest, or himself on yours. he felt terrible about how he had talked to you, but he was too stubborn to admit anything just yet.

in the middle of the night he went out of the room to grab a glass of water. he saw you curled up in a ball, you head resting on the arm of the couch as you slept. it was the most peaceful you looked in the past 24 hours. but you began shivering as you slept. you were probably too exhausted to get up to do anything.

he went to the hall closet on a detour and grabbed your favorite, soft blanket and laid it on top of your body. after placing a soft kiss on your forehead, he went into the kitchen and made his glass of water before taking one more glance at you. you had snuggled into the blanket, pulling it up to your chin with a gentle smile that always appeared when he kissed your forehead as you slept.

maybe he didn’t screw up too badly, after all.

the next few days were spent avoiding one another. spencer couldn’t face you after knowing you had kept something so dire from him for the entirety of your relationship. you couldn’t face him after he made you feel as though it was your fault you lost your baby.

you would stay on the couch all day, barely eating or drinking anything while spencer would go out - only mentioning the library or the office to do more paperwork. eventually he just started sleeping at morgan’s house - probably because he couldn’t stand being around you.

you didn’t know how to grieve your baby, you were hoping that spencer might help, but that clearly won’t be happening. on top of that, you were worrying about your marriage. he couldn’t even look at you, how was he supposed to talk to you and sleep beside you?

a lot of times, it’s perceived that the only reason women were put on this planet were to have children - of course that’s a false notion, but it didn’t make it sting any less. your body had betrayed you. you had betrayed yourself.

it was only 12 days after spencer left when he came back home, if he could call it that anymore. once he walked into the living room, he saw you curled up in that same position on the couch. you had a blank stare that was directed towards the black tv. the only evidence that you were doing something was the empty water bottles surrounding you - certainly not enough considering he’d been gone for over a week.

when he entered you didn’t even flinch. your gaze stayed on the empty screen and your face remained vacant of any emotion.

in all honesty, morgan was the one to tell spencer he should check on you. spencer hadn’t told him everything about your argument, he knew he was in the wrong. but he was just so angry. regardless, he was here now, and it’s a good thing he was.

you hadn’t been taking care of yourself. spencer had morgan and savannah checking on him, but you had nobody. he only realized this when morgan pointed it out. and as upset as he was, spencer would always love you. your expressionless face only worried him more. your clothes had been changed from when he last saw you, but he doubts you’ve had a shower.

he stayed silent as he began picking up the empty water bottles from around the table and couch. you looked at him quizzically with furrowed brows.

“what’re you doing?” you asked, your chin already quivering as tears threatened to stream down your face.

“i’m trying to help,” he whispered as sensitively as he could, making eye contact with the most pitiful face you’d ever seen.

“i think you’ve helped enough,” you rolled your eyes before resuming your serious stare-down with the television. “you can leave.”

“no, i can’t,” he replied, sitting down on the opposite end of the couch while being sure not to touch you - he didn’t know if you were ready for that.

“you already did,” you brought to his attention, briefly looking at him. “just go.”

“y/n, i-“

“i don’t want to hear it! what’re you gonna say that could make me feel worse, spencer?!” you let the tears fall past your waterline. “i know it’s my fault. i know i screwed up! and i’m sorry! i’m so sorry!” you replied with far too much sincerity, the tears streaming down your face before he scooted closer to you, planning on wrapping his arms around you. “stop! don’t come near me!” you pushed his shoulders away. “it’s my fault,” you lowered your voice significantly before wrapping your arms around yourself.

he had called emily as soon as he got back into the bedroom. he knew she had previously had an abortion when she was a teenager, and he just needed to hear her side of it. part of him didn’t even expect her to pick up the phone.

“reid, what’s wrong?” she immediately answered.

“i-i think i need to talk to you,” he whispered in a hushed tone.

“right now?” she asked in a mildly concerned tone.

“if you can? the sooner the better,” he answered honestly.

“alright. you want to meet somewhere or just come over?”

“can i just come over? it’s really personal and i wasn’t sure who else to go to,” he began tying his shoes and hoping she’d agree.

“of course, come on over,” she replied in a worried voice.

“ok. i’ll be there in twenty.”

he quietly left the apartment, not before sparing you a regretful glance. he lost his child, but you also lost your child as well. he just couldn’t control his anger. and partially, he thought he was right.

how could you not have told him about something so serious? the second you had began having issues getting pregnant, maybe you should’ve been open about previous pregnancies.

“hey,” emily greeted before giving him a hug after seeing his teary eyes. “come inside.”

“thanks,” he sniffled before stepping into her apartment.

she guided him into her living room and sat down on the couch beside him. they sat there for a few silent minutes before he was able to work up enough courage.

“y/n was pregnant,” he whispered, barely audible if she weren’t right beside him.

“was,” she pointed out, already feeling as though she knew the rest of the story.

“she uhm-she miscarried two weeks ago,” he somberly admitted for the first time to someone else. “the doctor said it was because she had an abortion when she was a teenager that somehow ruined her cervix.”

“and that’s why you felt like you needed to talk to me?” she gathered, she was a great profiler for a reason but this was far more obvious.

“i was pretty harsh. i-i told her it was her fault,” he bit his lower lip as he grimaced. “i really rubbed it in, too.”

“spencer… “ she sighed, taking a deep breath before continuing. “you’re mourning a life, right now. obviously, that would raise tensions and emotions would be heightened. but… have you apologized? for telling her it was her fault?”

“no?” he replied after thinking about it. “i was going to do that today but she’s… she’s not in good shape. i’m not saying she needs to be perfect, but while i was at derek’s i can tell she didn’t take care of herself. she barely drank any water.”

“did you ask her why she had an abortion? why she didn’t tell you? did you ask her anything about how she’s feeling?” emily asked once more.

“no,” he cowered down, feeling even worse about the truthful answer. “i was just… selfish. i didn’t think about how she’s feeling. i just-i feel so bad now, seeing what state she’s in.”

“when i got an abortion it was because i wasn’t ready for a child,” she began to inform him. “i was a child, myself. how was a child supposed to take care of another one? my mother would’ve been disgraced. i basically had nobody there for me. i kept it a secret because having an abortion is so controversial. i knew people would look at me differently for making a responsible decision for my future.”

“god, i feel so bad,” he began to tear up himself. “i love her so much and i told her these horrible things.”

“make it right, spencer,” she gave him a supportive smile and pat his thigh before he stood up.

“i-i have to go,” he wiped the tears from his face before giving emily a hug, grateful she would listen to him at such an ungodly hour.

he quickly drove back home, where he decidedly belonged in the first place. he never should’ve left home. he never should’ve left you. you were his home, and he didn’t know how he could possibly lose sight of that.

“y/n,” he cooed as he entered the apartment once more. it was noticeably a bit more clean. the trash was taken out, the dishes were done, and your hair was wet from a shower - he assumed. “hey,” he smiled when he saw you sitting on the bed, cheeks still red and tear-stained with red, puffy eyes.

“hi,” you sighed as you brushed your hair, spencer sat down beside you.

“how’re you feeling?” you shrugged. “i need to apologize to you,” he admitted, placing a hand on your thigh. “i’m so, so sorry for what i said. telling you that it’s your fault that we lost our child… i-there’s no excuse. i was clearly upset, but so were you. what i said was so out of line, and i’ll never be able to express how sorry i am to you.”

“you’re right,” you shrugged. “it was my fault.”

“no,” he rubbed his thumb on your skin. “it was not your fault. i’m so sorry i made you believe that.”

“when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time pressured me to have sex. we used a condom and i was in birth control but i still-i still ended up pregnant,” you began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “i couldn’t tell my mom because she would’ve kicked me out, so i saved up some money and had his mom take me to a cheap clinic. she signed as my mom and i got the procedure done. that was the end of it,” you finished tears streaming down your face. “a few weeks after the procedure i started having pains in like my lower back, but i didn’t think anything of it. so… it is my fault. i shouldn’t have gone to a cheap clinic, but i couldn’t live on the streets with a baby and no way to clothe or feed them.”

“y/n,” he got your attention, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “you were a teenager who had no other choice, love. it’s not your fault, it’s the clinic’s.”

“i just… it hurts so bad, spencer,” you shook your head in defeat before he wrapped his arms around you. “not even just emotionally, my body physically hurts so bad. i don’t know what to do and i thought i lost you and i didn’t know what i would do without you because i didn’t think you loved me anymore because it’s my fault,” you ranted out, sobbing into his shoulder before he moved the two of you around the bed to lay down, you on his chest.

“i’m so sorry you had to go through that, and that you’re still dealing with the repercussions,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “but know that i’m not leaving you. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”

“there’s nothing we can do now,” you whined, clutching to his shirt as if he’d disappear once more.

“we can go to the recommended therapy. we can get that surgery to fix your cervix,” he reminded you, rubbing circles onto your back as you sniffled. “then, if you’d like, we could try again for a baby.”

“so you still want to be with me?” you whispered by his ear, clearly worried of the answer.

“of course i do,” he said as if there were no other option; there wasn’t. “i’m so, so sorry, love.”

“the reason i didn’t tell you is because,” you sighed as you shuffled on top of spencer, now sitting on his lap and facing him. “because there’s this stigma that comes with having an abortion - and i didn’t know how you’d react. i also didn’t know it didn’t go well in the first place, but that’s a different story,” you chuckled. “i’m sorry. i should’ve told you about something so serious.”

“you don’t have to apologize,” he brushed a strand of hair from your face. “that was from your past. this is our future, we shouldn’t get caught up on it and allow it to ruin this.”

you nodded, “you’re right. are-are you staying here, now? or are you going back to derek’s?” there was an obvious look of hope in your eye that spencer never planned on squashing.

“i’m staying here,” he smiled. “home. you’re my home.”

“you’re so cheesy,” you rolled your eyes as a laugh left your lips.

“i’ve missed your smile,” he pressed a kiss to those very lips, your smile not going away but growing even bigger.

“i’ve missed you,” you pointed at his chest. “please don’t leave again.”

“i won’t. ever again,” you held your pinky out, he smiled and wrapped his own around it. “i’m so sorry.”

“we’ll work at it,” you sighed. “we’ll build back the trust and fix my stupid cervix and then maybe try again for a baby.”

over the next few months spencer and you had been going to therapy once a week, mourning the loss of your baby and working through your other issues.

five months after you found out about the miscarriage, you had the surgery to fix your cervix.

one year after you fixed your cervix you and spencer began talking about having a child. you were extremely nervous, rightfully so. you voiced your concerns to spencer about what if the surgery didn’t work? what if your cervix wasn’t the only issue? and he replied by reminding you that you would both take this one step at a time.

seven months after having the conversation with spencer about having children, a miracle had caught up to you.

you were pregnant.

taglist:

@averyhotchner

@greenprisca

@muffin-cup

@spenxerslut

@spencerreid9

@spencyreidpls

@spencerreid9

@spencersmagic

@calm-and-doctor

@the-local-pendeja

@spencersrose

@spencersmagic

@shemarmooresfedora

@pastelbabygirl19

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment!

#tw pregnancy #tw miscarriage #tw abortion #tw abortion mention #tw depressive thoughts #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer #spencer reid angst #spencer reid comfort

[sugamamacustard]

Feral Animal

Pairing:  Alpha! Kentarou Kyoutani x Omega! Reader

Genre: Fluff

Request:  Hi! I love your abo blog! I was wondering if you could write about Alpha!Kyotani with an Omega!Reader, where their first encounter catches everyone by surprise? Like, Reader has a traditionally alpha scent (like burning/smokey wood) and can usually get away with being mistaken as an alpha at first glance? It’s fine if you’re asks are full or you don’t want to do this but thanks for your time 😊 —Sno

Summary:  You just wanted to get the boys to practice on time. You weren’t prepared to deal with this.  Good thing you had a gaurdian angel- or should we say, dog. 

Author’s Note: I love Kyoutani so much. Like he’s in my top three people I simp for. 

Requests: Open!

Kentarou Kyoutani

➵ No one gathered in your way when walked down the hall. You smelt strong enough to put them on edge. 

➵ Peoples hackles were constantly raised when you were around, and truthfully, you didn’t know why. 

➵ You were still you. You were still an omega. 

➵ You still ached to reach out for touch, to scent someone, to just have the smallest bit of attention from anyone that wasn’t Iwaizumi.

➵  You and he had met when you were young, and he took to being your personal guardian—since he was a year older than you.

➵  You were thankful for him and his friendship, but that was all it would ever be. You both tried dating in your first year of middle school (Dating being a loose term), but it was obvious you were better off as friends. 

➵ You both still hung out constantly though, and eventually he grew to be an older brother to you.

➵  When you got to high school though, you quickly realized that with Iwaizumi came Oikawa. You had known him just as you had known Iwaizumi, but the other male seemed to keep his distance from you.

➵ It didn’t take a genius to figure out why he was keeping his distance with you. When you and Iwaizumi explained to him there was nothing between the two of you, nor would there ever be, he calmed down. 

➵ The fellow omega (Oikawa is an omega ass bottom change my mind. Unless it comes to requests. Then he’s an alpha for you :D) grew to be close with you as well and if one or the other was being idiotic you stepped in as the shoulder to cry on. 

➵ You were happy for them, truly, but you knew sooner or later you were going to be out of the picture.

➵  They were third years, and you were a second year. They had a relationship that ran deeper than any thing you could offer them.

➵ And that was okay.

➵ Facing the obvious, it’s clear that, because your best friends are those two dorks, you’re into volleyball. Or in the very least, know of it and how to play. Because of this, you’re elected manager.

➵  No more choice. 

➵ You don’t fawn over Oikawa constantly, you can handle Iwaizumi’s outbursts, you were calm with the first years, and you don’t put up with any fan girl’s bullshit. 

➵ You didn’t get the chance to refuse honestly.

➵ “I’m sorry, but unfortunately, Oikawa-Senpai is busy at the moment- “

➵ “Please, just- Let me see him! I won’t be long!” The Alpha pleaded, trying to appease to your sense of empathy. Unfortunately for her, that was dried up before the second girl even looked at you to ask the very same thing. 

➵ You were tired of girls, obviously not getting the hint, trying to confess their undying love to Oikawa every other day. How did they not see he was an Omega? 

➵ Yeah, he had suppressants out the wahzoo but, good golly, his mannerisms were all Omega.  

➵ Apparently this alpha though her and Oikawa would be the ultimate power couple.

➵ “Like I said before, he is busy. Any time you take up is time wasted.” You snorted, turning tail and shutting the gym door, ignoring the screech of anger behind it. You were used to it.

➵  Most times you locked them out, they’d throw a bitch-fit, turn and bad-mouth you to their friends for a few days. 

➵ They’d tease you for your scent—which was a, frankly lovely, pinewood and amber scent—and poke fun at you, saying how ‘you’ll never get an alpha smelling stronger than them” with a sneer. You’ve learned to ignore those types of girls.

➵ What you didn’t expect however, was for her to scream some more, banging on the metal door.

➵  It was ripped open in your moment of shock, making you turn on your heel to face her. 

➵ Her hair, though still relatively upkept, was frizzy with fly-a way’s running out occasionally, but her eyes were what scared you. 

➵ They were constricted to ball point bulbs that were locked onto you, fangs poking out as she snarled at you.

➵ Of course. Because why wouldn’t a feral Alpha be part of your day today?

➵ You growled yourself, trying to reign in your scent but it was getting harder and harder as she stalked closer.

➵ No one else was in the gym, as they were changing in the club room, but you figured you could handle her.

➵ You hoped at least.

➵ She tried pouncing on you, your arms quickly crossing in front of your face to shield yourself, but instead of an angry alpha trying to claw your eyes out, you merely got a gust of wind.

➵   Peeking open an eye—you couldn’t recall closing them, but whatever—you frowned at the face staring back at you.

➵  You hadn’t talked to him, personally, but you knew who he was. Kentarou Kyoutani. 

➵ He was incredibly strong, a worthy advisory, and worst of all…

➵ A ticking time-bomb of an alpha.

➵ He had the resting bitch face to end all resting bitch faces, and the attitude to go with it. He had only said one word to you ever and it was ‘move’. His voice was gruff and angry when he said it, but his eyes softened when you looked up at him. 

➵ He waited patiently for you to gather your things before moving. That was the first, and what you thought, last time you’d ever see the alpha. He entranced you though, so you wouldn’t ever necessarily be opposed to seeing him again. 

➵ Just maybe not in this circumstance.

➵ Kyoutani held the alpha by the collar of her shirt, his lips poked up in a snarl with his canines gleaming dangerously in the sunlight

➵ . Contrary to popular belief, he’d only ever gone feral once in his life. His stepfather, an awful, awful, excuse for an alpha had raised a hand to his Mama.

➵  He refused to let anyone ever raise a hand to omega that day and stuck to his grits with it.

➵  Many people often feared him because of his careful eye and quick reflexes. 

➵ They claimed he was close to going feral because they never cared to admit they were planning on hurting someone. He didn’t care.

➵ At least he didn’t. When he saw you simply turn and close the gym door, he felt his heart skip a beat. 

➵ Maybe it was just the fact that you didn’t relent, or maybe it was the fact that you didn’t care or bend or submiss in the absolute slightest, or maybe it was the waft of the most calming scent he’s ever smelt before.

➵  He knew the other alpha’s scent, as she had practically reeked all over him while asking him for things Oikawa liked before he snapped on her, so this was all you. And he…liked it. 

➵ He hated scents that were too sweet or too ‘exciting’ in a way, but this? This was calming and euphoric all in one and he wanted to straight up bathe in it.  It smelt that good.

➵ He watched the alpha screech, stomping her foot—he could guess she was the very definition of daddy’s girl with her reaction to being told ‘no’—and before he could growl at her to leave, she was forcing open the door and snarling. 

➵ So, he dropped his bag and ran to make sure you were okay. His alpha pawing at him to hurry up. 

➵ He had felt the very same as they day he ran his stepfather out of his life, but this time…This time, he would be sure not to go feral. That would scare you and he couldn’t, wouldn’t risk that.

➵ When he got there, the alpha lunged and he had barely enough time to grab her. You looked shocked to see him, or maybe it was residue from when she broke into the gym, but you didn’t say anything.

➵  He took that as a good sign, turning tail and dragging her to where he dropped his bag. He grabbed it quickly, instead dropping her and rushing back to the gym.

➵  You closed the door behind him, Iwaizumi and Matsukawa quickly locking it. In the time, between Kyoutani dragging out the feral alpha you had the chance to text Iwaizumi, sending choppy and shaky, but succinct, messages to let him know what was going on.

➵  The rest of the team were on their way anyway, so they merely hurried their steps. When they turned to lock the door, you stopped them, crying for them to just wait for a minute.

➵ Kyoutani had run in seconds after your plea and the door was quickly shut. 

➵ Scents were going insane in the gym, but his was most discernible to you. He smelt scared.

➵  Before anyone had a chance to mention it though, he was turning to you and reaching for your face.

➵ you flinched but that didn’t stop him. His fingers were gentle, more so than you could expect from him, and he was so soft while turning your face to observe the damage. Iwaizumi tried to get close, but he was growled at as you were held to Kyoutani’s chest. 

➵  The team could only watch, flabbergasted, as you were hugged and scented by their mad dog. Even more so when you began laughing and purring, placing your hands around his neck.

➵  You whispered something (They were ‘Thank you’ and appreciation whispers) into his ear, making his shoulders visibly relax. No one could really understand what had happened, but they weren’t sure if they wanted to question it just yet.

➵ Well, most of team didn’t at least.

➵ “Aw, Mad dog-Chan! How do you know our little Chibi-chan?” Oikawa laughed, leaning off Iwaizumi as he spun a volleyball on his pointer finger.  

➵ Kyoutani grunted, abruptly pulling away, only to growl and pull you back when his alpha snarled. “Don’t.”

➵ “Wait- wait, wait. Hold on.” Hanamaki snorted, holding his hands up. “So you, Mad dog, most vicious alpha this side of the equator, just decided fuck it, and chose to not only save an omega you’ve never met, but then hog her? I don’t know, Mattsun, seems kind of sus to me.”

➵ “Very sus.” Matsukawa agreed, snickering. He yelped however, when Kyoutani turned to snarl at him, only for you to hold him back. Matsukawa had never felt more scared for his life in that very moment, and he owed you a whole ass chapel.

➵ It stayed like that for the rest of the practice, with you calming Kyoutani down ever time he needed a ‘time out’ and over time he got much better at controlling his anger.

➵ No one was surprised when you walked in two weeks later, a small, thin leather choker clipped on around your neck with a hand-made moon charm hanging from it.

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #alpha/beta/omega #alpha/beta/omega AU #alpha/beta/omega verse #A/B/O verse #a/b/o haikyuu #haikyuu omegaverse #custard writes #kyoutani x reader #kentarou x reader #alpha Kyoutani x reader #Alpha Kyoutani x omega reader #Alpha Kentarou Kyoutani x Omega Reader #kentarou Kyoutani x omega reader #kyoutani x you #maddog x reader #i'm so tired #but i loved this so much

[queenshelby]

“Let me be your Valentine”

Cillian Murphy – NSFW Alphabet

INTRO: Who doesn’t occasionally fantasise about this man? At least everyone who reads my blog does and, over the past year, I have been asked a few personal questions about our man himself which I obviously have no real ability to answer. I do not know him personally and all I can offer is fiction and fantasy.

Therefore, for Valentine’s Day, I have decided to create my own NSFW Alphabet for Cillian which reflects the dirty side of him I like to portray in my fics. Again, this is just how I see him and fantasise about him and I hope that this allows you to fantasise with me.

I hope you enjoy! Happy Valentine’s Day!

P.s. I have not proofread this!

A = Ass

Cillian is much kinkier than anyone would expect. Whilst conservative and quiet in public, behind closed doors and when he is alone with you, he will let loose and wants to explore everything that is on the menu which, occasionally, includes anal.

B = Body Part

Breasts, boobs or whatever else you may call them. He loves them and he tells you all the time.

His eyes would often wander to your breasts, whether you are in public or private and you have learned to call him out on it frequently.

He loves them and cannot keep his hands of your soft flesh or play with your nipples. He loves teasing you by biting them gently and cause little bruises to appear on the sides of your boobs.

He just uses the right amount of pressure and force when he plays with them. Just a little bit painful but not too much.

C = Cum

He’s not fussed really. Whether he gets to cum in your mouth, ass, pussy or on your breasts, he doesn’t care.

It is your choice, always! You get to decide where he cums and you do love his cum. You love it a lot!

You love it so much that, sometimes, you would make him save it up for you if he is away, filming and returns home only on the weekends and since he is generally making rather healthy lifestyle choices, it always tastes sweet and delicious.

D = Dirty Secret

There is a sex tape! Hidden in your safe in the downstairs reading room.

He loves filming you and taking pictures of you and filming this video was a lot of fun for you both.

E = Experience

At 45, Cillian has a lot of experience in bed and knows just how to please you.

He was the first man who found your g-spot and made you cum and he quite frequently uses his skilful hands to drive you absolutely crazy.

He also loves oral sex and is willing and eager to spend hours with his head in between your legs, making you cum over and over again.

But, he is just as skilful with his cock as he is with his fingers and tongue. He can stop himself from cumming until you are truly and fully satisfied and he can, most certainly, fuck you all night if you want to.

F = Favorite Position

He loves when you are on top and ride him and he can see all of you, your face, your eyes, your breasts and your pretty hair.

He likes watching you take what you need from him and he loves playing with your breasts and nipples in this position.

In this position, he also has good access to your tight ass and he would often pop a finger into your tightest hole when you make love to him like this.

G = Goofy

Cillian is as goofy as they come and, even in bed, he doesn’t mind joking around.

You love his sense of humour and you most certainly never get bored of him.

Sometimes, he would make silly dad jokes and, yet, he still somehow makes you laugh.

Other times, he would make very inappropriate jokes and, since you are pretty much like minded, you buy into his jokes all the time.

H = Hair

Whilst he had shaved his chest for some of his roles before, he usually keeps his chest hair intact and as is because you adore it.

You love running your hands through it and play around with it just as much as you love to run your hands over his head.

Around his most intimate body part however, he trims and you are most certainly grateful for that.

I = Intimacy

Cillian loves to be intimate with you and, even if you don’t have sex, you cuddle and kiss on the lounge pretty much all the time while you watch a movie.

You hold hands and love to show affection towards each other.

In bed, you cannot keep your hands off each other and you usually manage to have sex at least once or twice a day if he is home. It is too hard not to as your desire for each other is too great.

You love to make love to each other and Cillian is a very loving and caring person when it comes to intimacy.

J = Jack Off

When he is home with you, he has no need to jack off but, when he is away from home, he does it pretty much every day unless you instruct him to save his cum for you. Saving it is often very hard for him but he will do so for you if you have been begging him.

Often, when Cillian is away, he would ask you for explicit photos and then tells you when he masturbates to them and, occasionally, you even engage in phone and camera sex.

K = Kink

Cillian loves risky sex, meaning sex in public. There is a risk of getting caught and that is something which intrigues him.

At one of his premieres, he dragged you into a public bathroom for a quickie while, on vacation, you even managed to do the deed on the beach and at the public swimming pool at night.

Cillian also likes to talk dirty in bed and loves it when you do the same. Occasionally, you would even engage in some roleplay or use derogatory language. It is one of his kinks and you love it.

L = Location

You literally do it everywhere but Cillian’s favourite spot is the desk in his reading room. This is where most of the role play happens and he likes to bend you over it and take you hard and fast, just the way you like it. The desk also allows him to apply restraints on you conveniently and, when he does, you are unable to move and at his mercy.

The desk has been well used, not only for him to read his scripts but more so for fucking.

M = Motivation

Cillian is a 45-year-old man who, often, acts like a guy in his early twenties. Motivation is not needed and you generally get him hard and ready with a simple kiss or by dropping some of your clothes.

In fact, when you are out and about and you kiss him for too long, it may get a little embarrassing for him and he would usually push you away after as little as five seconds. It is too much for him to handle and the last thing he wants is to strain against his jeans all day.

Then, every morning, he wakes up hard and ready like a teenager and you often joke about his amazingly active libido. Of course, you would never complain. You like it just the way it is.

N = Naughty

Cillian is very naughty and quite often talks about sex. He shows you porn he likes and he likes you to show him what you want to try in return.

He is open to pretty much everything and all of your kinky and naughty desires have been fulfilled to date.

You wanted to stage an abduction. He’s done it.

You wanted sex at the Radiohead concert. You got it.

You wanted him to fuck as Thomas Shelby at the set of Peaky Blinders. Done!

You wanted him to pretend to be a doctor and carry out an exam on you. No problem.

You wanted a threesome. No issue there.

O = Oral

He loves when you give him a blowjob but, even more so, he likes to perform oral on you. He could spend hours in between your legs and he always manages to make you cum with his tongue. He is incredibly skilful.

P = Prostate

Being kinky and enjoying anal play on you, he also enjoys anal play on himself and loves it when you use your fingers on his rear end to compliment your oral skills.

When you massage his prostate while giving him a blowjob, you usually get rewarded with an extra big load of cum.

Q = Quickie

You regularly have quickies when you are out and about. At birthday parties, functions, at the cinemas, at premieres, on set…you name it…you’ve done it.

You cannot keep your hands of each other.

R = Rimjob

Yes, occasionally, even that happens. You are both dirty minded and this is something you both consider fun, whether you are on the giving or receiving end.

S = Stamina

You are one lucky woman because your man can go all night long. Cillian’s stamina is incredible and, especially after he has been away for a long time, you often spend the entire weekend in bed, making love to each other while ordering pizza for in between.

T = Toys

You have a large collection of toys and Cillian loves to use them on you. He loves to make you squirm and squirt using your favourite vibrator and, sometimes, he would even use a buttplug on you while he fucks you.

U = Unfair

Cillian loves to tease you and, sometimes, when he is in the mood for a weekend long session, he would edge you for hours or days at a time until you cannot take it anymore.

V = Valentine’s Day

You both do not buy into the commercialism of Valentines Day and there is really no need to. He treats you like his queen every day of the year and makes all your wishes come true, whether in bed or otherwise.

He is a hopeless romantic and often surprises you with dinner, presents and date nights.

He listens and knows what you like and you always feel valued and loved.

W = Weekends Away

On occasion, you would go away for the weekend, camping or glamping and, every time you do, you have sex in the most amazing spots in Ireland.

You both love nature and you both like open air sex so what better thing is there to do other than camping?

X = X-Ray

Cillian’s cock is simply the perfect size. Not too long and not too short but nice and thick. He also has rather large balls which you absolutely love to play with.

Then, there is his perfect ass, which is firm and round. You love clutching on to it with your fingers when he fucks you.

Y = Yearning

Cillian’s sex drive is constant. Literally. He never said no to you, ever!

Z = Zzz

After you had sex, you would often lie together, arms wrapped around each other and exchanging kisses.

You do that for at least half an hour while, occasionally, engaging in some pillow talk. Then, you will fall asleep slowly unless Cillian had a stressful week filming.

If he is in between filming or has just come home from being away, he would zoom out pretty much five minutes after he came and you certainly don’t blame him for that.

#cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy alphabet