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writingsfromhome · 2 months

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Dos and Don’ts II

A/N: the story kinda got away from me so it’s getting a part 3. Would love to know what you think of the characters/choices!

Part 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

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It’s a beautiful morning; the late summer heat is right around the hour but for now the morning clouds keeps the city cool. I’m sat at Harry’s dinner table with stacks of paper around me, sorting out paperwork whilst on hold with a private venue he was playing in the fall to sort out some details his manager asked me for.

I had become good at my job, multitasking like a pro and not having to leave the room to make a call. After all, it had been nearly half a year of this.

And yet, my relationship with Harry Styles had stayed the same. Sometimes it felt like it got worse.

My other relationships, in the rest of my life, had definitely gotten worse.

“Riley just called said he’s sent over some prints I bought for the bedroom,” Harry pops into the room. “Can you call someone to put them up?”

“Yeah, where do you want them?” I get up so he can show me.

“Somewhere that looks good in there,” he waves his hand. “It’s pictures of me.”

“Of course they are,” I know how big-headed he could be. “Above the bed?”

“Hm,” he heads off to the bedroom so I follow. He examines each wall of his bedroom which was pretty neutral and relaxing to be in. “Why not? Yeah. Above the bed’s good.”

“Great.” With that I head back to my makeshift office.

I wondered why Riley didn’t message me directly about the prints considering we avoided getting Harry involved in these minor decisions.

Maybe I’d ask him tonight. We were having drinks—we tried a bunch of times to get together seeing we were “coworkers” but our timing rarely worked out. Since Gray was out of town the next two nights I’d reached out to Riley.

Evening comes quicker while I’m still buried behind paper. I start tidying up after 7.

“Going home?” Harry asks. He’d been out most of the day at voice lessons.

“Yes, your dinner’s in the oven and Roy said he left cocktails in the fridge.”

“Lovely Roy,” Harry rubs his hands together. “He makes the best drinks.”

I smile and go back to work.

“There’s enough for two,” he calls with his head in the fridge. “You want to join?”

Of course the one night Harry asks me to join him personally—a time I could use to get on his good side, I’m going out.

“I’m actually heading out for drinks myself.” He’s already placed the jug on the marble countertop.

“Oh.” He freezes awkwardly. “With your fiancé?”

“No,” for some reason I feel flustered at his mention of Gray. “With Riley actually. We’ve been meaning to get together for drinks since…I started. Wow. That’s been a long time.”

“Riley,” Harry purses his lips. “Does your fiancé know?”

“It’s a friendly drink,” I feel my temper flare. “I don’t need to report to my fiance.”

“If my fiancé was going out to drinks with a man with loose hands, I’d worry.”

“Well it’s a good thing we’re not engaged,” I mouth off before I can stop myself. He raises a brow and the single movement has me backpedaling. I was such a coward. “So you don’t have to worry.”

“Y/n you get away with a lot but I’d remember who’s working for who.”

I clench my teeth. Just seconds ago he was inviting me for a drink and now I’ve dug myself a grave. I couldn’t be stopped.

I grab my bag and head to the elevator.

“Don’t turn your back on him once he’s got a few drinks in.” Harry calls out.

Asshole, I think.

***

God, Riley talked a lot. He’s got 3 drinks to my 1.5 and really got the gift of the gab.

That is until he starts asking me about Harry.

“Do you find him hot? He’s kind of a lady’s man yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” I laugh. “Got ‘em all lined up.”

“And you?” He asks casually. “Has he got you yet?”

“Riley! I’m engaged,” I flash my ring.

“Didn’t stop the last girl,” he mutters.

“What? What’s that mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me,” I poke him, knowing he wanted to talk about it anyway.

“Just that the last PA he had for…less than a year? She had a boyfriend and everything but one time I pop in early to set up for this masseuse right—I’m there and I hear someone in the bedroom with him. No big deal whatever. Then Harry comes out and he’s fuming just seeing me. Tells me to get out and leave the rest, that I should have called him. All this shite. And then I see her jacket, she wore a very specific jacket, and her shoes off the way. He was angry cuz I caught them.”

“Woah,” I think about the way Harry treats me. “Well I don’t have to worry about that. He can be a right dick with me.”

“He can come off that way. Until you get to know him. Well. He used to be nicer. It’s changed a bit since I started.”

“How long?” I ask, curious.

“Uhh I was his PA for a year and now this for one and a half?”

“Wow. That’s a long time.”

“I know. Too long. Well, big things are coming for me I can feel it. How about you? Are you staying long? I hear the way he talks to you, I don’t know how you put up with it.”

I thought he talked to all his PAs that way. Maybe he was different when Riley was his. Of maybe it was that Riley was a guy. Maybe the fame got to his head. “Uhm. I want to stick around for at least a year. What do you mean the way he talks to me?”

“He’s rude.” Riley runs his hand through his hair. “Don’t you find him rude? You’re surprisingly…graceful, but he’s always bossing you around and then ignoring you.”

I feel a pit in my stomach. So I wasn’t imagining it. “I thought that’s just the way he is.”

“No, you should have met him a couple years ago. A really cool guy. He taught me a lot.” Riley suddenly sobers as he looks off into the distance. “I grew a lot with him. I’m thankful for that y’know?”

“Right,” I nod. “Yeah. I dunno. I’m hoping to learn a lot here.”

“Well if you want to stay connected, keep my number. When you wanna jump ship just let me know.”

I’m surprised Riley is talking so openly about helping me leave. I would have thought he was a Harry die-hard.

“Yeah. Hey are you the one that’s created all those notes on the phone? They’ve been a life saver.”

“Notes? Oh the lists. I made them when I was his PA. I don’t know if the last girl updated any…”

I think of the snarky additions. She definitely did.

“Well I owe you my first-born because without them I’m pretty sure I would have been fired.”

“No you wouldn’t have,” he smirks.

“Uh yeah, I forgot to bring his bloody tablet to the studio the first day. He was so mad.”

“He wouldn’t fire you y/n,” he cocks his head to the side. “Not with the way I see it.”

“Huh?” I ask but Riley’s turned to the bar to ask for another drink.

I excuse myself and freshen up, checking my phone for messages. Gray’s sent me a picture of his hotel view and I send him a quick text back. I wish he was here. Maybe it was time I got home, I was starting to feel tired.

“I’m thinking of heading home,” I tell Riley when I get back.

“Now?” He looks at his watch. “Night’s still young y/l/n.”

“I’ve been up since 6 I’m dead.”

“Fine, I’ll walk you outside.” Riley knocks back half his drink and stands, swaying slightly. I put my hand out to steady him and he smiles down at me.

The pub is crowded as we walk past people, shoulders brushing against strangers. It takes me a second to feel the hand on my back sliding down to my ass.

I whip around to chew out whichever stranger thought he could get a grope but the only person behind me is Riley with a cocky smile.

“You alright? Let’s keep going.”

I can hear the blood pumping in my ears and I stumble back, Harry’s words echoing in my ear.

“I’m alright.” I try to put distance between us. “I’ll walk myself out you should look after your drink.”

“Nah c’mon,” he reaches for me again and I inch back.

“I said I’m okay,” I know my voice comes out harsh due to the fear coursing through my body. But I don’t care.

“Bloody hell alright then,” Riley shrugs. “Night y/n.”

I wait for him to turn and leave before I get out of there. The night air cools down the flush in my cheeks but I can’t get my heart to stop racing. Harry was right and for some reason it makes me angry at him. I’m furious.

All these men just made me feel small and confused all the time. Is that what I had to accept working in this industry? Was I just naïve for thinking things could be decent? That people could be decent?

I wish more than ever that Grayson was here. I imagine him on his own in another city. Then I imagine him alone, at home, while I’m working all the time. It felt like we were on a piece of ice drifting through the ocean and the middle was cracking leaving us to drift alone. My heart feels like it’s cracking with it.

I call Gray on the ride home just to see his face. I listen to him talk about his day and slowly my grip on the anger loosens. Slowly with his voice in my ear, I come back down to earth.

***

It’s a couple weeks after the Riley incident. I’d come into work the next day and managed to ignore Harry for most of it just like he did me.

Today I’m back at the dining table waiting for Harry’s publicist to call me to take me through what was left for this upcoming weekend for a small awards show Harry had been nominated in that was happening Sunday. Riley would be on the call too, the first time I’d seen him since that night. I just hoped my pokerface was good enough to move on past any awkwardness.

“Let me get your thoughts on this,” Harry sits down across from me with a yoghurt. He’d just come from the gym and seeing him shirtless now was just another Thursday afternoon.

He’d taken to using me as a soundboard lately which started out interesting and got old quickly. He loved to hear himself talk, I’ve concluded. And I was forced to listen. And he always lied. He never wanted my thoughts on anything, just an ego stroke.

And just like usual he launches into a song he’s working on and something about string progression and inversion. I nod along until my phone rings and I pick it up instantly.

Graham and I speak about the details of event and I reassure him everything would run smoothly. When I’m done Harry’s nearly done the smoothie he grabbed while I was on the phone.

“Austria tomorrow, everything’s prepped?”

“Yep, for you.”

“Not for you?”

“I have the rest of the week off?” I remind him just like I’d been doing for the last two weeks. So this wouldn’t happen.

“You do? I thought that was next week. What am I gonna do without you there it’s 4 days.”

“I reckon you’ll survive,” I say with a light tone but I’ve learned the art of backhanded jokes. It felt like the only way to get some of my aggression out. “Plus Riley’s joining you Saturday afternoon.”

“So I’ll be alone on Friday?”

I look up from my laptop, “Are you ever really alone?”

“I guess I’ll just have to invite one of my girls to keep me company,” he continues watching me. “Keep my bed warm.”

“If you’d like,” I hated when he tried to make me uncomfortable. “Let me know which one and I can cut her a ticket.”

He clenches his jaw and levels me with an irritated look. “I’m sure Vienna has many beautiful people to choose from.”

Ignore ignore ignore. I go back to my screen and leave him on heard.

***

“It’s been too long,” Gray clinks his glass with mine. It’s Friday night and we’re having an early anniversary celebration.

This whole weekend I promised Gray I would be his from Friday though Sunday even though our actual anniversary was on Monday.

Our relationship that was once so strong, supportive, and loving had started treading rocky grounds. I felt jostled and very close to being kicked right off the ride altogether.

I look at my fiancé’s face, his dark features and serious looks made him look intimidating but a flicker of his smile and you felt like you were on the ins with him about something. I had missed him.

The last time we did anything together was at the beginning of summer. I had a long weekend off and he’d driven us to lake district, soaking in the sun and hiking along the peaks. We’d had a serious conversation about our relationship but a lot of it had felt like me apologizing and him accusing.

“You look radiant,” Gray reaches for my hand. “How are you?”

I didn’t think he wanted the real answer. I hold back a sigh and replace it with a smile, “Alright. Better now to be with you.”

He kisses the back of my hand and my stomach flutters. “Me too. I’m excited for this weekend.”

“Let’s see we’re seeing friends tomorrow for brunch, then doing old school movies and dinner in the evening.”

“That was one of our first dates don’t make fun.”

“I’m not! It’s a classic I’m excited. It’s been so long since I saw a movie with you.”

With Harry, I’d seen a few. I was always told to tag along on premieres Riley passed on.

“And Sunday we’re just being lazy bed bugs.”

“Mmm that sounds amazing.” I could use a day in bed. A week in bed would be even better.

The night is perfect and romantic and it soothes the heartache I’d been carrying, the guilt that I was killing my relationship. Gray is attentive and we laugh like we always did.

I don’t mention work. It makes me anxious knowing I had to put the biggest part of my life on mute in order to keep the good vibes going with Gray.

Saturday brunch brings me back to life. I’d missed our friends and catching up on their lives, all the chatter and the laughter. Gray keeps reaching for me at the table and I feel like I belong.

“So how’s the tyrant?” My friends had started calling Harry that since he always kept me from most of our social outings.

“The usual,” I try to keep it short for Gray’s sake.

“Grayson was complaining that you spend more time with him than your actual fiancé!”

“Is that so?” I turn to Gray with a teasing expression but he’s serious.

“I wouldn’t have helped her with the job if I knew,” Gray jokes when I nudge him. The table laughs but I fake it, knowing the kernel of truth in it.

“He can’t be all that bad?” Another friend asks.

“Nope. Pretty consistently bad,” I tell them. “I’m just telling myself it’s vital experience. It’s the only thing that helps me sleep.”

“When she sleeps at all,” Gray slips in another passive joke and I try to distance myself from it.

“Just wait, in a couple years I’ll be living my best life.” I raise my glass.

“To y/n’s best life,” the table cheers.

On the walk home from brunch Gray and I swing hands in between us. I want to bring up his passive comments but it feels stuck in my throat. His hand feels like lead in mine.

“Gray-“

“I’m sorry. I got a bit salty at brunch,” Gray admits. I nearly deflate completely with the sigh that comes out of me.

“That’s okay,” I kiss his cheek. His hand feels like an extension of mine again. “I know there’s a lot of things we don’t talk about, I know my job doesn’t make you happy. But I appreciate that you still support me and keep the peace even when I can be a bit of a dick sometimes.”

“Hey,” Gray stops and tugs me to him. “I love you. Nothing changes that.”

“I love you too,” he kisses me with the same passion he did last night, our first intimate night after a couple months. With the urgency in his kiss I can tell it wouldn’t be another couple until the next.

***

We get back in around 8 and I happily kick off the dress and boots I wore to dinner to snuggle in my pjs. I watch Gray remove his contacts as I comb through my hair.

“I still can’t believe that ending,” Gray says to me in the mirror.

“Same, I feel like everyone’s kept it so hush I didn’t even know there was going to be a plot twist!”

“I kind of saw it coming-“

“You did not!” I flick Gray. “Why do guys love to brag about seeing a movie ending coming.”

“It’s our roman empire,” he grins.

“You’re using that in the wrong context,” I roll my eyes. “Josie would be so disappointed. Oh I didn’t even turn my phone back on after the movie, Josie had texted me something.”

“Just leave it,” Gray calls out as I go back into the room to get my purse. “Let’s keep our phones off, stay unplugged tonight.”

“Too late,” I grin as my phone powers on already.

I know Gray stayed nervous about any call I got during our down time because he always thought it was Harry. To be honest I was surprised he hadn’t bothered me more than asking for a password yesterday.

As my services connect my phone vibrates with a dozen oncoming messages.

“Y/n,” I hear Grayson say in warning but my eyes stay glued to the screen that flicker with notifications.

I look up once they settle, my eyes are as wide as saucers and Gray’s watch me through the mirror, heavy and resigned.

“Please, ignore it,” Gray pleads just once.

“I just…I need to know what it’s about.” I plead back.

“It’s going to spiral,” he warns. “You can’t just look y/n you’re gonna get involved.”

“What if it’s an emergency? He wouldn’t message like this unless it’s an emergency!”

“Like the documents on Josie’s birthday? Or the hospital appointment that one bank holiday? Or his empty fridge on-“

“I get it. But Gray I have 14 notifications. And it’s from his manager too it’s gotta be an-“

“You have a life y/n!” Gray turns around quick like a pistol whip, I stumble back into the doorframe. “He has other people in his life other than you they can figure it out! Why do you keep putting your job, this man, before me? Before us?!”

“I’m not trying to! I’m not!” I stutter.

“What’s the worst case scenario huh? He tries you, and you don’t answer because you’re off. And he’ll find someone else to help—those type always have someone else.”

“You don’t get it-“

“I get it.” Gray lowers his volume. He looks around for his glasses and slides them on. “I get it clearly. You’re just scared you’re replaceable to Harry Styles.”

His words stun me a little. All I can do is watch as he puts on jeans and grabs his phone.

“Do you ever wonder who else in your life’s replaceable?” Gray says before he slams our door shut.

I sink back and my mind races with everything Grayson just said. I was awful, he must feel even more awful and I-

My phone vibrates. Jeff.

“H-hi?” I answer.

“What the fuck y/n! I’ve been trying to reach you for the last 2 hours-“

“My phone was off-“

“Have you even gotten any of the messages we’ve left you-“

“I’m not working today-“

“Obviously,” He cuts me off for the hundredth time. “Harry’s in Vienna alone with god knows who!”

I don’t point out the contradiction in his sentence.

“Isn’t Riley supposed to be with him?”

“Riley quit.”

“What?! When?”

“Today. Apparently the sneak’s been cozying up with one of Harry’s supposed friends. He’s left us high and dry!”

“Is that why you’re calling me?” My confusion grows.

“Jesus no. Just look at your bloody messages.”

I put him on speaker and check the link to the photos he sent me. I gasp.

Harry looks a mess, one in a bar and another right outside it. With a questionable choice of friends.

“He’s not answering his phone,” Jeff continues. “Nobody can reach him and Riley decided to courier the stupid phone back to the penthouse so we don’t have access to his gps. But you do. That’s why I’m trying to reach you y/n. You’ve gotta go there and get him home.”

“Get him home? He’s in another country!”

“Yes, for that niche fucking awards show. You gotta get him back to his hotel and sober him up. We paid some fucker way too much money not to leak these photos and I don’t want to find out some other fucker took more.”

“Isn’t this something his publicist should be doing? Or you?” I’m starting to get angry. Why was Harry like a big fucking toddler that I had to go get when he was misbehaving. “I took the weekend off-“

“Listen. Y/n. We will pay you 5 times your rate if you just get on a plane and sort him out. I’m in Iceland right now. On holiday! Nobody is paying me 5 times the amount to deal with this and I don’t get back to the UK until tomorrow.”

“His publicis-“

“And Graham is the one that caught all this but he doesn’t fly out until tomorrow. So that leaves you. Mr. Styles’ personal assistant.”

I think about Gray, should I call him? Let him know? Fuck. Fuck Harry and his ability to ruin my whole life.

“I don’t have a choice here do I?” I ask wearily.

“Sure you do, one gets you a nice pay check. The other doesn’t.”

“Fuck,” I swear just loud enough for him to hear. “Do you know when the next flight is.”

“There’s a private jet that can leave within the hour I’ll text you the address can you make it?”

I map it. 30 or so minutes away. I look around my room—I had my emergency duffle with my passport the Harry Survival Guide told me to keep so I didn’t need to pack much.

“Yeah. I’ll be there.”

***

“Out of all the fucking nights,” I swear as I take the elevator down. The flight had been under 2 hours and I’d kept my eyes glued to Harry’s phone locator. He’d moved one location so far. The hotel wasn’t too far from this location so I drop my bags off on the en-suite and head out into the beautiful city.

It’s buzzing despite the hour and I wish it was a calmer trip so I could take pictures and soak in the beauty of Vienna.

Instead I trudge on to the little dot on my phone and avoid thinking about Gray and how much he would love this city. And how badly I betrayed him tonight.

What to do when he won’t answer the phone: track his gps, get good at lock-picking and don’t be shy to call whoever he’s out with to get ahold of him. Harry not answering his phone unexpectedly usually means bad decisions.

I find Harry in a kitschy club but it’s not easy. In the flashes of blue and purple lights I sort through all the men about the same height as him. None of them are him.

I knew he was here. I scan the room a second time, he had to be in one of the private sections.

I walk the perimeter until I see a flash of a familiar laugh.

“Harry!” I shout but a man in a suit steps in front of me.

“Private area,” he says in a rough accent.

“I’m his assistant I need to see him!” I point to Harry but he just steps in my way again. I shout Harry’s name and on the second try he looks up.

“Heyy!” He lights up and picks his way over the people sitting around him. He loops his arm around the brick wall in front of me. “That’s y/n! Y/n you came let her in!”

“Thank you,” I shoot the man a dirty look even though I knew he was just doing his job. He was the difference between a PR disaster and no disaster. “Harry we-“

“Have a drink!” He slurs. My heart quickens when I get a glimpse of the table with an assortment of drugs all over it. “Relax. C’mon c’mon!”

Harry pours me champagne and leads me by the hand to where he was just sitting. A couple shift away to make room for me but I stay standing as Harry sinks into the cushion.

“Mr. Styles we-“

“Ms. Y/L/N,” Harry says seriously before bursting into laughter. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this uninhibited before. One part of me is nervous and another part finds it intriguing.

He tugs me down and I tip into the couch, the champagne sloshing over the rim. What the-

“Relax,” he whispers into my ear. It goes straight to my stomach. “Have some champagne and enjoy the night!”

“I want to-“

“Your fiancé won’t let you drink with me? Is that the issue here?”

“No,” I bite. “I am taking you back-“

“I,” Harry sits up and hovers over me. “I am not speaking to you until you drink! Good god woman, lean back! Relax! What do Americans say take a chill pill?”

“I don’t need a chill pill.”

Harry mimes zipping his lips closed.

I roll my eyes and bring the champagne to my lips to take a mock sip but he must anticipate this. Using his finger he tips the glass even further. Half of it drips down my chin.

“Agh!” I jerk the glass away but Harry just laughs. “This is so not funny.”

He leans in smiling. I expect him to stop but he continues moving into me until his lips are on my jaw. His mouth coasts over my skin before he buries his head in my neck where the champagne had dripped down leaving a pool of heat-

“Harry!” I jerk away and push my hands into his chest to prop him up. His eyes are half-closed but as intense as ever as he looks into mine.

What the fuck. What the fuck just happened.

My hands are shaking, steady only because of the force of Harry pressing into them. I feel the tears springing to my eyes, why the fuck did he just…

“Sorry,” he smiles, his finger brushing my cheek. “Y’had some champagne there.”

It was nothing, I tell myself. He’s drunk and taken god knows what. He’s out of his mind. And he was going for the champagne, not me.

I loosen my arms but he comes back towards me again.

“Fuck this,” I mutter. I push him back into the sofa and get up. “We are going back to the hotel. Now.”

“Just stay a little longer here. It’s life. I’m bloody famous!” His hands come around my waist to pull me towards him but I dig my heel in.

I grab him by the shirt and haul his lanky body up, it’s like lifting a slab of marble. We nearly fall into the table but I catch us on my back leg in time.

I get us outside and call a taxi. Harry sways into me and I help keep him up.

“S’cold,” he complains.

“It’s really not.” I look back to him but he doesn’t look good. I lean him against the wall gently. “Harry look at me.”

He eyes stay closed but his head bobbles and he starts to tip forward again.

“Harry!” I nearly slap him. Instead I push him against the wall and use my body to keep him propped upright. I grab his face in my hands. “Harry look at me you’re scaring me.”

“You’re scaring me,” he slurs.

I shake his face a bit and try to pry open an eye which makes him laugh.

“I was alone,” he mumbles.

“I am not carrying you into or out of that car so you better stay conscious.” I tap his cheek.

“You’re no fun.” He says and I ignore him. “I was alone but you came.”

“Not out of any choice,” I mumble.

Our taxi arrives and I’m shaking him every few minutes to keep him conscious. At the hotel I get some help to his room when they recognize his face.

I drop him in bed with a sigh of relief. He looked pathetic like that. And I wanted to cry out of frustration.

I take his shoes off and then his shirt, deciding to keep his trousers on. I leave a bottle of water on his bedside with painkillers and head to the bathroom. For the second time tonight I get ready for bed.

I scrub the sticky champagne out of my neck and block out the feeling of his lips on me. Block out the confusing feelings that arose.

I grab my phone and pray for a text from Gray but there’s nothing. I update Jeff and he sends me a thumbs up. All that and just a fucking thumbs up.

***

Still no text from Gray the next morning.

Harry’s still in bed when I get up. I crack on and order both of us breakfast, ordering the most expensive things just to get something out of being here.

Harry wakes to the smell of coffee, groaning as soon as he sits up. I don’t know what he took last night but it serves him right.

“Y/n?” He sounds just as confused as last night.

“In the flesh,” I nearly growl.

“I thought Riley’s s’pose to be here?”

“So you do remember I’m supposed to be off all weekend.” I can’t hold back on the sass. I’m too mad at everyone.

“Yeah…what?”

“Riley quit.”

“Riley…quit? That’s why you’re here?”

“No.” I want to throw my cup of coffee in his face. “I’m here because you weren’t answering your phone last night and the only updates we were getting were compromising pictures of you absolutely pissed.”

“You sound like my publicist.”

“Your publicist had to pay the photographer off.”

“It couldn’t be that bad,” Harry swings his legs over the side of the bed and winces. He notices the painkillers and pops them. “Did you undress me?”

I pull the photos up on my phone and show them to him. He throws the phone down on the bed after a glance.

“Okay so he sent you to get me back to the hotel?”

“Jeff called me.”

“Jeff’s on holiday.”

“So was I.” My anger brews over. “I had 2 fucking days off Harry and I couldn’t even get that! You had to go to Vienna and get pappd doing the stupidest shit and of course I have to come in and save your ass because I can’t get any time these days to just be!”

He groans as he gets up and shuffles towards me. My heart picks up speed but he simply reaches for the coffee and takes a big gulp. The silence stretches out after my outburst and I wait with an anxious anger for what comes out of his mouth.

“You didn’t have to come. I could have lived with the consequences of being an idiot last night-“

“Jeff didn’t give me a choic-“

“There’s always a choice,” he holds up his finger to my face, hovering an inch from my lips. “Jeff can’t do shite. If he fired you he needs my final say. So again, I didn’t ask you to come here.”

Fuck him, I think. Does he really think I could have said no and gone on with my night? Since it didn’t come out of his mouth, he vanishes any accountability? He’d totally at fault here.

“Secondly,” he wasn’t finished I guess and his eyes are like laser beams into my soul. “It’s Mr. Styles.”

Anything I was about to mouth off on disappears. Like a sinkhole it all collapses below the surface and I’m left feeling as I always did—humiliated.

“Now,” Harry puts his cup down. “That’s not to say thank you for coming to my rescue yesterday. I don’t remember a lot of it so I’m not sure what happened but I’m sure it wasn’t pretty.”

I don’t answer. I bite my tongue until it falls right off and I can swallow it. I wish I could also swallow the memory of his lips that spring to mind.

“It is a Sunday, if you’d like to take it off feel free. The stylist team is coming around 4 to get me ready for tonight.”

“Well, you’ll need me to coordinate this evening since that was the point of Riley being here,” my voice comes out smoother than I felt.

“Ok,” he dismisses me. “I need a shower.”

He leaves and I clench my fists to keep from throwing everything within range at him. How could he flip the script like this? Turn my life upside down and then act like he did nothing wrong?

I go to my phone and hover over Grayson to call him but i have a notification from him. He’s sent me a message, it’s a link.

I click it. It’s a small article in a tabloid about Harry Styles and his mystery woman. You can’t tell it’s me but our pose looks intimate from last night—him leaning against the wall with my knee in between his legs and my body propping him up while my hands hold his face.

But Grayson knows its me.

I get my other phone and message it in the group with Harry’s publicist.

He responds casually: It’ll blow over don’t worry. Can’t see your face plus romantic is better than looking fucked up like the other pics.

It would blow over for Harry but not for me.

I try to call Grayson but he doesn’t pick up.

I close the room door and bury myself in bed, aching so hard it was hard to believe I was still breathing. It felt like an end, I know I could talk it through with Grayson and explain once he saw the other photos. But something feels like it died tonight.

***

“Y/n?” A voice sings outside my door. “Helloo?”

I feel hungover as I open my crusty eyes. I’m in an unfamiliar room and-

“Hello hello?”

I sit up. I was in a hotel suite and I had to help get Harry to his show. Shit.

I look at the time, it’s nearly 5.

“Sorry!” I shout at whoever was behind the door. “Sorry one sec!”

One look in the mirror and I know I had to throw my hair up. I swish some mouthwash around and exit to the lounge.

“Hi,” a woman I’ve never met smiles kindly at me.

“Sorry. Did you need something from me?”

“Yes,” she takes my arm and leads me towards where Harry was getting his hair done. He looks amused as he watches me. “I need you here. We need to get you ready.”

“Oh no,” I say but sit where I’m told by this commanding woman. “Oh I’m just helping coordinate so you just focus on Mr.-“

“Y/n,” Harry’s deep voice cuts me off. “Riley comes with me to these things when Jeff isn’t around. Since neither are here you’re joining me and Graham.”

I look for his publicist but I’m told he was running late. Great.

“I didn’t sign up for this,” I say as the woman takes a wet wipe to my face. “I thought I had Sunday off.”

“You reminded me you’re replacing Riley,” Harry says. “And I got the team to get you a few things but I don’t know your size. I’m sure one of them will fit. Kit can tailor it if you need.”

“Wha…” my face is positioned to the side and cream is dotted all over. I shut my mouth and glance at Harry which becomes a glare when I realize he’s enjoying this.

“Lighten up Y/N, it’s not the end of the world.”

He didn’t know. It was the end of my world.

***

The red carpet or whatever this imitation of it was is a sensory nightmare. Graham had explained on the car over I was to stick to the shadows with him and his security detail. I don’t know why they stuck me in this beautifully tailored pantsuit just to be in the shadows. But apparently I could keep it so I was happy about that.

While Harry gets his name shouted and photos taken I watch from the side, hiding behind Graham’s shoulder so I don’t get caught in any pictures. The flashes still make my head hurt.

Again, we stand off to the side as Harry gets interviewed by labels I recognized and others that must be local. One woman has the nerve to ask,

“So Harry the whole internet is dying to know who your mystery woman is. Would you like to give our viewers a hint?”

I stiffen and Graham glances my way with a warning look. He’d already prepped Harry in the car but I couldn’t believe someone would be so bold as to ask. But that was show business.

“Ah you know what the media’s like, all out of context. I love the theories especially the one about this being my secret fiancé but I would like the viewers to know I’m not engaged, very much single, and not to believe everything you see online.”

I hold my breath as Harry answers but he’s a natural, I had to admit. He went off script a little—he wasn’t supposed to acknowledge the content of the photo, but he did so with grace and humour. Wow. I could learn a few things.

Graham relaxes beside me once the reporter laughs and asks if he sees himself not being single any time soon. When we finally move on Graham wraps his arm around Harry’s shoulder and gives it a shake.

“You did good kid,” he kisses his cheek with all the leftover adrenaline from the carpet. “I’ll see you in there. I see some friends I want to catch up with first.”

Then it’s just Harry and I, and his shadow of a security detail who Harry dismisses while he’s inside the room.

“So I guess now’s the part you go to your seat?” I ask. There was no What to do at an Awards Show so I was clueless and I decided I would create one myself to keep the legacy of all these dos and don’ts.

“It is,” Harry looks…nervous? His eyes flicker around the room and his jaw twitches. I do a sweep of my own, there’s a lot of people I don’t recognize and those I do I’m just about dying trying to stay casual.

“I thought that reporter was going to propose after you cleared up how single you were.”

“Hm?” Harry looks at me—in heels I was finally near eye-level to him. His gaze clears as he takes in what I said and I consider it a win getting him back down to earth. “Oh. Her, yeah she was cheeky with those questions wasn’t she?”

His smile makes me stomach dip. “Yeah she slipped them in so expertly. I thought ‘I have to take some tips from her’. And you, you were good dodging the question.”

“I didn’t lie,” Harry’s now fully engaged in our conversation. I give myself a pat on the back. “It was just you and I am still single.”

Just you. I fake a laugh, “Yeah. That photo is proof that I’m stronger than I look because you were deadweight and I managed to get you to bed y’know that.”

His green eyes flicker up and down my face for a beat. “I know that. I…hope that picture didn’t get you into any trouble.”

I look away, unsure how to answer. He brings a hand to my arm. “I can talk to someone if it helps?”

“Oh no,” my cheeks flush. “No I don’t think that would make anything better but thank you. I…appreciate the-“

“Harry? Oh my god it’s you!”

I retreat in a quarter of a second, invisible once again for Harry to shine with his colleagues. It’s a singer I recognize but I only remember her stage name, Dragon something. I watch them embrace and I try to wind up the spool of thread I’d released when Harry showed some kindness.

I think I had some issues, I became unrecognizable every time Harry was nice for a moment. I had to remember that it was temporary and there were boundaries I couldn’t cross.

Yesterday flashes into my mind. God, was it just yesterday?

Harry starts walking with the other musician arm in arm. It comes to me as I follow why I knew her. There were rumours shortly before I interviewed with Harry about seeing him on the town with this woman. So they had history. Of course.

By the time Graham joins me in our seats I’ve become part of the wallpaper and I feel like I’m being torn away when he acknowledges me to ask if everything had gone ok. I stay invisible for the rest of the evening and I try to remember that’s how it would be.

***

We’re sat on the tarmac for the ride home and I try to refresh my messages over and over but Gray hasn’t responded after I’d told him we had to talk. He was stupidly good at the cold shoulder and I felt like a needy bitch whenever he got like this.

“Could I get a water y/n?” Harry asks from across the aisle. He has his head tipped back and he looks awful—consequences of an after party where he drank himself silly again and relied on me to get him home. I did make friends with some other PAs who were roped to the party so that was the only highlight.

“Sure.” I go to the front of the jet where Graham is typing away on his laptop, oblivious to the rest of us. I grab Harry a coffee too. “It’ll help with the hangover.”

Harry accepts it graciously and I go back to refreshing my phone.

I thought he’d fallen asleep an hour into the flight until he unbuckles his seat and slips in beside me.

“Can I get your phone?” He holds his hand out.

“Why?” I ask suspiciously.

“You’re driving me crazy refreshing that thing it’s like you’re getting paid per refresh.”

I was lost in a trance doing it. I put the phone facedown on my lap but he takes it from me.

“Hey-“

“I’m keeping this until we land. I promise you if you haven’t gotten any messages by now you won’t get any at all.”

His patronizing tone wriggles something loose and I have to look away, out the window, so he doesn’t see the tears.

“My offer still stands,” he says quietly after my silence. I shake my head.

“Thanks,” my voice wavers. “It won’t help. He just gets…quiet. Any time there’s an issue he just goes quiet and it drives me f…crazy. I feel crazy.”

“You kind of look it.” I’m ready to throw him a dirty look but Harry’s smiling when I look at him. I was rarely on the receiving end of such a handsome look that I forget I was going to be mad. “What? You do, hunched over your phone pressing down over and over. My neck hurts just looking at you.”

I sigh and leans back into the seat, trying to straighten myself out.

“Sorry,” I sniffle. “I just need some sort of proof of life from him. He knows it drives me crazy when he ignores me but he does it anyway. He could be dead for all I know. Anyway, I’ll stop now you can give me my phone back.”

“Mmm no,” Harry pats the pocket he put it in. “You listen to me. It stays here.”

I don’t fight him. It was for my own good.

He sits with me for the rest of the flight. It should be uncomfortable but having another person’s presence beside me—knowing there was a shoulder pressing against mine, makes me feel a little less lonely today.

He probably didn’t intend that, I rethink the thought. Harry wasn’t thoughtful like that, he was probably just too lazy to move back.

We take the car home when we land but Harry tells me to take the rest of the Monday off even though it was already 2.

“And y/n,” Harry stops me before I exit the car where it stalls outside my complex.

“Yes?” I wait for the other shoe to drop—I had the day off but…

“If he knows it drives you crazy, and he truly loves you, he should respect you and give you a chance to talk. You deserve that.”

My breath catches at the unexpected words. I feel my defences go up.

“You’ll work it out,” he rushes on when I don’t respond.

I’m left feeling slightly reassured and mostly confused.

“Thank you,” I look at him a beat too long and it feels awkward so I scramble out and head up. To someone I hope was willing to listen like Harry said.

***

Like a baby calf out of the womb, my relationship stays on shaky grounds. It feels like building a foundation all over again after thinking that was already done with, but Hurricane Harry had caused a lot of damage.

Now 9 months into my new job I wasn’t always so on edge. But I was busy.

With no Riley, the team had decided to hold off on hiring anyone new and my work load had tripled. I’d brought it up casually and just as casually Harry had let me know I would be compensated.

I thought about Vienna a lot. Things were done and said there that should change our dynamic but didn’t. Not much. Harry was still an ass, he still demanded most of my time, and I still suffered from major anxiety about my life falling apart.

So maybe I was still on edge, just about different things.

“G’morning,” Gray whispers to me. I wanted to sleep in and cuddle with my fiancé but I’d already snoozed my alarm and I knew I had to get to work. I had errands to run all over town.

“Morning,” I burrow my head into his warm body. “I don’t wanna work.”

He kisses the top of my head. “How about I join you on some of those errands you mentioned? We can get coffee?”

I’m suddenly excited about going to work.

Gray laughs when I climb over him and kiss him like a lunatic, and we’ve been together too long to be embarrassed about morning breath or pillow face. I can’t believe I almost lost him.

The day is perfect as Gray and I move around town doing odd bits. We get to grab lunch together and I’m so glad what a good sport Gray had been about it all since I’d forced him to carry any heavy items.

“I’ll see you for dinner,” Gray drops me off at Harry’s. We linger in the lobby for a few minutes. “I’m cooking.”

“Mmm can’t wait,” I kiss him before taking the load from him. “Thank you for coming with me today.”

“I had fun, I hate to admit it.” He grins as I walk backwards to the elevator. He takes my breath away.

Grayson’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth to say something but I collide into a body behind me before he can warn me.

“Oh shit sorry I-“ I turn and Harry stands behind me with Jeff walking off the elevator. He was probably headed to the studio and I was late. Dammnit!

“Y/N,” Harry says.

“I’m so. Sorry,” I look between Gray, Jeff, and Harry. Do I introduce everyone? Do I apologize and rush to drop these things off so I could join them like I’m supposed to?

Jeff makes it easy, walking away on his phone. Then it’s Harry and Gray.

“I’m sorry I meant to be upstairs five minutes ago.” I tell Harry who’s expression is hard to read. “Uhm…this is Grayson my fiance I don’t think y’all have met he was just dropping me off since I had my hands full. Um. Gray this is…well you know who this is I-“

My blabbering is cut short as Harry steps forward to shake hands and I nearly die at the steely look Gray gives him. Also, why the fuck did I say y’all?! I wasn’t even southern.

“Grayson Duran yeah? Nice to meet you,” Harry says. I’m surprised he knows his full name. He must have asked his friends.

“Yeah,” Gray drops his hand. “The infamous Harry Styles—I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Likewise,” Harry says, glancing at me. Why would he say that. “As much as I’d love to chat, y/n you’re late and we’re heading to the studio. Can you give all that to the concierge?”

“Yes,” I nod. “Have you got-“

“I grabbed my things yes. I’ll see you in the car.”

Harry nods to Gray and leaves an air of cologne and annoyance behind. Gray and I lock eyes and I burn with embarrassment.

“What a dick,” Gray mumbles.

I’m offended, wait, why am I offended? It’s not like Harry wasn’t a dick.

“Yeah, I gotta go sorry babe.” I rush to the concierge and explain the delivery.

“Y’all?” Gray asks when I rush back to him.

“I know I know,” I cringe. “It just came out. I gotta go but thank you so much for today. Loveyoubye!”

I give him a quick peck and rush out, nearly collapsing into Harry’s car.

“Sorry about that, being late. That won’t happen again I meant to be there before you left-“

“As long as it doesn’t happen again,” Harry says stiffly, staring out the window. He was a dick, Gray was right. But why was I so offended at him saying that right after meeting him?

Things felt so confusing these days and I just wanted time to catch my breath and figure things out. A few more weeks and I’d get some time off for the holidays at least, I was looking forward to that.

***

Even though I planned the intimate holiday party and spent countless hours on the phone making sure every detail would be perfect I can��t help but criticize it as I join.

“Maybe I should have gone with a live band,” I mutter as someone takes mine and Grayson’s coats. Tonight I was supposed to shut my brain off as Harry said, and enjoy the party as a guest. But that part was hard to shut off after nearly 10 months of re-wiring it.

Grayson was tough to convince but finally he’d agreed to come to the party. Things were mostly back to normal with us. I tried to be home by 7 most nights and didn’t talk about work too much.

But sometimes it felt like a volcano lived inside me with how much I had to compartmentalize and keep in and when times got really tough, I wanted to spew everywhere.

“Josie told me your mom’s doing bohemian Christmas?” I ask Gray as we hover by the foyer. I’d just had a catchup with her yesterday now that she was finished exams. “Do you know what that means.”

“Mum’s crazy,” Gray sighs. His relationship with her was always followed by a sigh, an eye roll, a heavy resignation for who she was. I never quite understood it.

Josie, on the other hand, loved their loud and free-spirited mother. As for me, I thought she was the most interesting woman I ever met and we’d gotten along instantly.

“She’s always got some new idea up her sleeve,” I try to make things more positive. “What do you want a bet it’s going to be vegan?”

“I don’t bet when I know that’s what she’s serving. That’s why we do dad’s for lunch and hers for dinner. We’re too stuffed once we get there to care what she’s serving.”

“Remember when I tried to get you to go vegan and-“

“Y/N! Hi,” I’m interrupted by a friendly face in the crowd and end up chatting with people I’d worked with the last few months. We introduce our partners and they chat but I keep an eye on Grayson, in case anything changes.

I watch Harry’s friends trickle in and Gray lights up when he sees Liam and a few other people he trained.

I flit around the room with ease after that, knowing Gray had friends to keep him company. I make sure drinks are filled and catering is setting up. Until a hand stops me.

“You’re not supposed to be working tonight,” Harry reminds me.

“Yes. Right. Well…”

“Y/N,” he warns.

“Okay!” I throw my hands up. “Not working, here look I’m enjoying myself!”

I pick up a random drink and take a big sip. Champagne. Suddenly I remember the last time I drank champagne in front of Harry and I nearly cough it back up.

“Ugh,” Harry hands me a napkin and I try not to bristle. “What happened? Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” I clear my throat. “Yeah sorry just…just not a fan of champagne.”

We lock eyes and I’m gripped with the sudden and very real possibility that Harry may actually remember parts of that night.

When his eyes flicker down to my neck, it’s confirmed. Oh god.

“Well! I’m off to find a better drink!” I turn too quickly, nearly taking out the caterer who was setting up hors d’œuvres on the table. “Sorry!”

Oh my god. Harry remembered.

Did he remember this whole time? Was he pretending to forget that night? Did he ever remember the moment randomly in my presence like I did?

I had to stop freaking out. It had been months!

Where was Grayson.

I locate my fiancé in a random group but his eyes are already on me. I raise a hand and he smiles, raising a finger to tell me he’d be there in a moment.

My mind races in the meantime, wondering if I should mention the incident to Harry and tell him I was fine. Or maybe that proved the opposite. No. I should just keep it unspoken like we had this whole time. Oh my god!

“Quite a turnout,” Grayson comes back to me. Two drinks in his hand. “I saw you talking to Harry why did you look so scared? Did he say something?”

“Oh!” Of course Gray saw. “No. I just…almost choked on my champagne the fizz y’know? And then I didn’t want to make a scene so I left.”

“Hm,” Gray wraps his hand around my waist. “Hey I see a mistletoe I’m going to nudge you in that direction.”

“You don’t need a mistletoe to kiss me babe.”

“It’s supposed to be romantic.”

I let him lead me to it and he kisses me with a knee-bending passion.

“Woah,” I feel dazed when we finally part. “That was fucking romantic.”

“Yeah?” He grins.

“Excuse me!” Harry’s voice rings over the crowd and the room hushes slowly. “Uh hiya! Thank you all for coming tonight and making me feel like I have friends during the holidays.”

A quiet laugh rumbles over the crowd. Harry looks magnetic on his makeshift podium, he’s in a cozy red sweater that I know cost more than my month’s salary and a collar peeks out from under it. He’s got on navy slacks and tinsel thrown over his shoulder. I’d bought that sweater, I remember. But he managed to pull the rest of the outfit together well.

“…a few people.” He continues. I’d zoned out. “My manager Jeff of course—this year has been a roller coaster and you’ve managed it all. Charlie, Claire, Niji, Elin, Sarah, and Mitch. We had a ball playing our hidden shows this fall but we have so much planned for the year ahead. I’m beyond grateful that you all came into my life and we get to make music together!”

A few whoops in the crowd and the people he mention raise their hands and shout out their own praises to Harry.

Harry thanks a few more people and says some more kind words. I don’t expect him to zero in on me.

“Last, but not least folks, I want to thank somebody who joined my team this year. She’s seen a lot—she’s been in the trenches my friends, she has. But she’s stuck with me. She’s planned everything tonight so really you’re all here because of her. Y/N, please make yourself known and everyone should give her a thank you if you talk to her tonight for tonight.”

Oh god. I am as bright as Harry’s sweater and with every single eye turning on me I’m sure I also turn every shade of the rainbow. I paste on a grin that feels like I’m the Joker and hope it looks normal.

I wave awkwardly and make eyes with Harry across the room who looks like he’s having a ball putting me in the centre of everyone’s attention. I was really going to wring his neck but he winks at me and finally turns the attention back to him with a few closing words, then starting the music and food.

“Am I alive?” I ask Gray beside me whose hand had dropped from my waist during the last few minutes. “I think I died of embarrassment and turned into the ghost of Christmas’ present.”

I turn to Gray and he looks around me. “Hello? Is someone talking to me?”

“Gray!” I push his shoulder and he laughs. “I hated every second of that.”

“I know,” Gray laughs again. “You hate attention.”

“I do! I swear Harry was up there gloating didn’t you notice? Ugh I hate him.”

Gray’s expression shutters for a second. “Yeah, he definitely knew what he was doing.”

“Y/N, quite a shoutout.” A voice says from my right. It’s Liam who I hadn’t seen myself in ages. I go in for a hug and hope my embarrassment clears away as we catch up.

As the night goes on I ease up a little, enjoy the mingling and the drinks. Especially the drinks. The evening’s embarrassment and everyone coming up to me knowing my name was hell so I drink to keep up the liquid courage.

Coming out of the toilets for the tenth time that night with all the drinks I was downing, I notice a light on in the room.

I go to it, in case it was a guest in a place they shouldn’t be.

I don’t spot him at first, flicking off the lights only to see a shadow move. Harry.

“Oh! It’s you. Is everything alright?” I lean in the doorway. It’s the first time I’ve seen him in this office actually. He always hovered outside it like I was now.

“Yeah yeah, just came for some air.” He walks up to me and I step out of the way so he can leave. But he stays just inside so I move back to my spot.

“Air? In the smallest room here?”

“Yeah,” he smiles like he’s been caught. “I was looking for you. We ran out of ice I just don’t remember where you stored the rest.”

“Well I’m not working remember? So I don’t know.”

“Touché. I guess the guests will just have a shite time with their lukewarm drinks.”

Ugh. He knew me too well.

“Fine. I’ll get the bag. By the way, that wasn’t funny. What you did earlier.” I put my hands on my hips, ready to give him a piece of my mind for embarrassing me.

“What!? It wasn’t meant to be funny. I’m expressing my gratitude y/n.”

“In front of a whole room of random people who are all looking at me? You know I would have hated it!”

“Let’s just say I’m trying to get you out of your shell,” Harry teases. He smells of his usual cologne, the fresh soap he used, and scotch. I spot the empty glass on my desk.

“I’m plenty out of my shell thank you. You know, you could have just said it to me privately. That would have meant more.”

His mouth opens but nothing comes out. He inhales sharply and turns around.

“What?” I ask his back.

“Nothing.” He turns back around. “You do good work y/n, people should know.”

Now it’s my turn to go quiet. I only seemed to do this when Harry was nice. Because otherwise I knew how mean he could be. Why couldn’t there just be a balance.

“Why are you so randomly nice to me?”

Oops. All those drinks made for some loose lips.

“What?” He’s taken aback.

“Yeah,” I feel fired up now that it’s out. “You ignore me half the time—not that I expect to be bffs but at least a hello now and then would be nice. Then when you do talk it’s grunts and clipped answers. You’re pretty mean to me! And suddenly out of nowhere it’s like-like this 180 and you’re really nice. And praising me in front of a crowd. What’s up with that?”

His expression retreats the more I talk and I know I’ve dug myself into a hole. Forget the whole speech just now I’m pretty sure I’ve just written my own termination notice.

“I have to be,” he says simply after an awkward pause.

“Have to?” I demand. “You have to be mean to me?”

The long deleted Dos and Dont list when I first joined flashes through my mind. Did that have something to do with it?

“Because when I spoke to Riley that one time for drinks, he told me you weren’t always this mean. So is it me? You just said to a whole crowd how helpful I am so I just don’t get why you’re so mean sometimes!”

“What else did Riley say?” Harry hangs on to that.

“I…a lot I dunno! Riley faffs a lot. He’s also a creep but that’s neither here nor there I-“

“What do you mean he’s a creep?” The room feels even smaller as he zeroes in.

“I-“ I try to stutter something to change the subject but he stays on, asking me again. “It’s nothing. He was drunk and he made a pass at me-“

“He did?! Why didn’t you tell me?” There’s zero space between the two of us now.

“Why would I? It was something that happened outside work hours, plus you warned me and I didn’t listen-“

“Y/n you should have told me,” he swears. “I let that little shite get away with way too much.”

“Yeah well he’s not the only person working here who’s made a drunken pass at me so let’s not make it a big deal okay?”

I guess I wasn’t holding back.

Harry closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. One mississippi two mississippi three-

“You’re right.”

My heart pounds in my chest. I want to get out of this room, find Gray, and stay in the light. Because this small, dimly lit space was becoming too intimate. And yet, I can’t seem to will myself to move.

“I am?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry. It doesn’t cut it—what I did was incredibly wrong. Being drunk shouldn’t be an excuse and I promise I don’t go around doing that to everyone-“

“I know,” I say before thinking. It was weird of Harry to do but I never felt unsafe with him. I understood what he was trying to say.

“You can make it a big deal if you want. It shouldn’t have happened. It won’t happen again.”

I feel weird having the roles reversed—Harry apologizing to me. Promising not to do something again. I recognize what he’s doing is right but I don’t know what to do with myself. My breathing’s shallow with Harry so close to me, practically hovering over me. I should’ve worn higher heels to really equal the field.

“Thanks,” I finally manage. It’s low and raspy and I barely get in enough air to speak it. He doesn’t respond.

We stay in the tableau, our breathing irregular, in between a single decision that both of us knew wouldn’t end well. Yet neither of us are strong enough to end the frozen display.

“You clean up nice,” he says, eyes never leaving mine as he compliments my getup. I’d worn a simple cowl-necked slip dress and strappy shoes with my hair in an up-do. I was definitely underdressed after seeing the other guests but I believe Harry means it.

“Don’t look as haggard as I usually do, you mean?” I find my voice again. I barely have to whisper for him to hear.

“You never look haggard,” Harry says as he brings his hand up and traces the curve of my dress strap. My heartbeat was loud and surely showing through my dress.

“You should go,” Harry adds in a whisper.

My head feels like it’s filled with carbonation as I nod in agreement. This was bad. With a capital B. I had to go.

“I…should go.” I repeat. Slowly I inch sideways on the wall and Harry leans away. We stare at each other for another long moment before I scurry away, my heart in my throat and my guilt where my heart should be.

“Don’t forget the ice,” I hear Harry call out from the room. Miraculously this is exactly when Grayson turns the corner.

“Y/n? Where were you?”

“Oh I-“ I imagined I looked fucked up. Because I felt high and out of my mind. The white lie comes out, attached to a thread that unstitches something within. “I drank too much, so I was in the toilet.”

“Oh,” Gray looks relieved and I’m sinking with guilt. Technically I did nothing wrong. I didn’t even have feelings for Harry. But whatever physical magnetism he seemed to have nearly made me do something I’d seriously regret. “Did I hear someone say something about ice?”

“Yeah!” I laugh and it comes out like I had never learned how. “I just bumped into Harry, we ran out of ice. So much for not working huh?”

“At least everyone knows how hard you work,” he jokes.

I stick to Gray’s side for the rest of the night, not touching a single drop of alcohol. I had to forget everything in that room ever happened if I wanted to keep my job and my sanity. I had to be a better person, the devil was handsome and I had to stop playing into his tricks.

I call it quits a few hours later when I notice Gray low on energy.

“I’ll get our coats,” I tell him. The relief on his face is palpable.

I go through where the spare closet was but hear voices in Harry’s darkened room. The door’s open so I go to investigate. I regret it instantly.

Harry’s inside with a woman, I don’t see much of her as she’s on the bed but I know it’s Harry with the tone of his voice as they exchange words.

My stomach drops and it’s like an accident on the side of the road, I’m mortified but I can’t look away.

I watch him kiss her and I feel like I’m sinking through the floorboards.

“Oh!” The woman notices me when she turns her head and pulls the sheet up. She whispers, “you didn’t close the-“

“Oh it’s fine,” Harry laughs. He sits back on his legs and looks at me, his expression void of anything he was tonight. Like the moment in the room didn’t even happen. “It’s just y/n.”

Of course it didn’t matter to him, I scold myself. I was the one with fucked up issues that couldn’t make up my stupid mind about how I wanted to feel about this man who literally paid me to be around. Who treated me like shit most of the time. Who was nice to me sometimes and I misconstrued it to mean a whole lot more.

What was I thinking? Did I think suddenly this man who’s known to be a player had a single one-sided intense moment with me and that would change him?

I was an absolute idiot.

“Could you get the door?” Harry asks so casually, so nonchalantly, that it punches me in the chest. It was closer to some combination of humiliation and self-inflicted hurt but for now it feels like my chest aches.

“O-of course.” I shut the door and stand there, taking in deep breaths as I try not to think about everything that just happened. Tried not to think of all the million ways I was the worst girlfriend in the world. Tried not to think about the fact that I had to quit sooner than later because things were getting tangled up and it was not okay.

xxxxxxxxxx

TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld

I’m trying to make part 3 the last—it includes your final decisions and returning to the present to find out what happens (from the beginning of the story). Thank you, as always, for reading <3 xx

#harry styles fic #writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles #fic #harry styles angst #harry styles series #musician!harry #slow burn

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fuzzydreamin · 11 months

Text

What The Companions Say About... Gunners!

I'm posting these just because I find the companions in-game reactions to things rather interesting. You might be surprised by what some of them have to say about certain things.

These are just their dialogues for during combat and after combat or walking through areas inhabited by this enemy type. It does not include anything from specific areas, quests, or other dialogue.

⌨ Ada

⌨: Gunners carry serious military-grade hardware. We should gather whatever we can. ⌨: Gunners favour laser weaponry. Perhaps we can find fusion cells among the corpses? ⌨: Judging from the skull-like markings emblazoned everywhere, Gunners are exceedingly territorial. ⌨: And here I thought that Raiders were the lowest form of humanity in the Commonwealth. ⌨: I trust you'll never associate yourself with these mercenaries, ma'am.

☘ Cait

☘: Mixed it up with these nobs before. Not exactly the please and thank you types. ☘: Gunners. I hate these guys. ☘: Remember, Gunners don't take prisoners so give it everythin' you've got. ☘: Tattooed cretins. ☘: First there's trash, then there's the Gunners. Easy to remember, eh?

⚙ Codsworth

⚙: Gunners incoming. This should be fun. ⚙: Angry mercenaries up ahead.

(All of these lines have the {bravado covering nervousness} note) ⚙: I dare say, Gunners are scant more than Raiders with shinier toys. ⚙: {Nervous} Eyes out, mum. This may be Gunner territory. ⚙: Are they called "Gunners" because they fancy guns? Seems a smidge obvious. ⚙: Gunners, little more than murderous thugs in my book. ⚙: Gunners must make a healthy sum for all their murdering.

⚕ Curie

⚕: These Gunners should be careful. Some of their actions, I think, are illegal. ⚕: I would stay clear of the Gunners. They seem a most surly bunch. ⚕: Gunners. Common mercenaries. Of little interest to science. ⚕: I do not like the Gunners. They have no thirst for science. ⚕: Why aren't these Gunners in prison?

♞ Danse

♞: Gunners are extremely dangerous. Kill on sight. ♞: {Disdain} The tattoos on their heads make for a nice bullseye. ♞: Remember, Gunners can't be reasoned with, and they don't surrender. ♞: These fools are nothing but cold-blooded murderers. ♞: If you have a Gunner in your sights, pull the trigger. They won't hesitate to do the same to you.

🕶 Deacon

🕶: Gunners are one step above raiders in my book. 🕶: Don't underestimate the Gunners. 🕶: Who's pulling the Gunners' strings? No one knows. 🕶: Gunners give mercs a bad name. And that's saying something. 🕶: Gunner's have had bounties on me. Well, me under different names and faces. I want to see how many slots I can fill on their most wanted list.

☣ Hancock

☣: {Neutral} Gunners. All firepower, no finesse. ☣: {Neutral} Always thought those letters on their foreheads was how much of the alphabet they'd learned. ☣: {Neutral} I'll give 'em this, fightin' Gunners is rarely dull. ☣: {Neutral} Not a lot of folks make me question Goodneighbor's open door policy. But Gunners… ☣: {Neutral} These guys have some serious weaponry. Lots of caps to be made from a Gunner camp.

☸ Longfellow

☸: {Derisive} Only difference between trappers an' gunners is that gunners ain't realised they're crazy yet. ☸: {Derisive} Think all them weapons an' tattoos make these gunners feel safe? ☸: {Derisive} Gunners like to think they're tough, but they die just as easy as everythin' else. ☸: {Sarcasm and derision} Best thing about killin' gunners is all that ammo they kindly donate. ☸: {Sarcasm and derision} Guns an' armour can't hide cowardice, and that's just what gunners are. Cowards.

⨁ MacCready

⨁: I can't believe I was stupid enough to run with these idiots. ⨁: What was I thinking joining these clowns? ⨁: Doesn't get much crazier than these jokers. ⨁: Killing these morons is doing the Commonwealth a favour. ⨁: So nice of them to paint that bullseye on their heads.

♥ Nick

♥: {Question} Safest way to deal with Gunners? A rifle and distance. ♥: {Stern} You kill a Gunner or they kill you. ♥: {Neutral} If they were willing to see reason, they wouldn't have joined the Gunners. ♥: {Amused} Bet these dolts weren't expecting to get wiped up by the likes of us. ♥: {Neutral} Gunners pack more bullets than brain cells. Though they do pack a lot of bullets.

✉ Piper

✉: {Neutral} Gunners. All the combat training of the Brotherhood of Steel, all the moral character of your neighbourhood bully. ✉: {Neutral} Oh, story idea. I get a tattoo on my forehead and cop a bad attitude. "Gunners Undercover." It'd probably actually move some papers. ✉: {Neutral} Gunners pack a punch, but they're not coordinated. They're like Super Mutants without the charm. ✉: {Irritated} Gunners are all based out of the GNN Building downtown. What a waste of a newsroom. ✉: {Neutral} Gotta have some serious issues to think an organisation requiring facial tattoos is the place for you.

☀ Preston

☀: {Angry} I still owe those bastards for what they did to Quincy. ☀: {Disgust} Cold-blooded murdering bastards. ☀: {Angry} Gunners don't deserve mercy from us. ☀: {Disgust} I'll be happy to help you kill some more of those Gunner bastards. Just point me to them. ☀: {Disgust} We should wipe out every last one of those Gunner bastards.

☢ Strong

☢: These humans use tough armour. ☢: Strong smash puny human gunners. ☢: Gunners good fighters. ☢: These humans worthy foes. ☢: Maybe these humans have milk of kindness.

☾ X6-88

☾: {Hard-edged} Shoot to kill, ma'am. You can't reason with Gunners. ☾: {Disgust} These guys are vermin, the lowest of the low. ☾: {Disapproval} I've heard stories about what Gunners do to their prisoners. Yeah, you don't want to know. ☾: {Disgust} Gunners… they're all the things I hate about the Commonwealth, rolled into one. ☾: {Urging caution} The best-armed Gunners are usually the leaders. Watch out for them.

-----

My notes:

Cait spent time with Gunners. At the Combat Zone? Before then, sometime after killing her parents? Doesn't sound like she ever joined them, just hung out.

Danse and Mac both making the comment that the Gunner tattoos make good targets. Nothing to say, really. Just amusing.

Deacon likes keeping things to himself, but as someone who makes information gathering his whole life his statement that no one knows who is behind the Gunners noteworthy. If the Institute were connected to them he'd probably have a small idea of it -additionally, the events of Hunter/Hunted within Greenetech make it rather unlikely that the two organisations are working together.

Hancock's bit about Gunners being allowed in Goodneighbor. We already saw this with Mac and his encounter with Winlock and Barnes, but it's nice to have confirmation that those two weren't outliers and that Gunners may make regular appearances within the town.

Gunners are one of two enemies Preston claims to actually enjoy killing. The other being Super Mutants.

Strongs comment about them having the Milk of Human Kindness is negligible. He says the same thing about raiders, and just seems to be a response to seeing humans work together in any form.

Cait says they don't take prisoners, but X6 implies that they do and we do see them holding the synth Jenny hostage during the Hunter/Hunted quest. Probably just a rarer occurance, they'd likely need some reason to want to take a hostage over just killing you, like a bounty specifying taking you alive.

Additionally, the fact that X6, the guy who loves terrorizing and torturing his enemies, is put off by how the Gunners treat their prisoners? Horrifying.

#fallout #fallout 4 #fallout 4 dialogue #gunners #fallout 4 companions #fuzzy.post #Gage doesnt appear to say anything about them -though he is dismissive of mercenaries as a whole

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creativepawsworld · 1 year

Text

Silence - Chapter 32

Pairing = Thomas Shelby x Reader

Summary = Ana’s brings home an unexpected guest for dinner.

Warnings = Language, Gang Activity, Death Mentioned, Violence, Grammar, Blood, injuries, Alcohol, Graveyards...

Word Count = 2474

Note - I can’t believe I am on 32 chapters of this story already and the support and love it receives is amazing and unreal. Thank you all so much from the bottom of my Cillian obsessed heart. Love you all.

My mother’s words had haunted me every day for the past three days. It was crazy how quickly she could plant a seed in my mind, only to have me nurture it and allow it to grow without even realising it.

Tommy had been gone for six days now. I had missed him a hell of a lot, especially at night when my mother’s voice would reply on repeat feeding into my insecurities, my doubts and I knew the only person who could ease that was Tommy.

But I couldn’t even speak to him, I didn’t even know where he was in London, if he were alive or dead.

I spent the majority of my days going through the motions, showing up to the shop, doing my job.

My mother was more present, acting like the past two years hadn’t happened, brushing off any attempt I made of bringing up the sudden change in her attitude.

She went as far as offering me advice on my love life and tea. She had returned to treating me like a human instead of the dirt on her shoe.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked, not expecting an answer as I tidied the area around me. “Mother is actually treating me like her daughter again, which is weird. I don’t know what to make of it.” I mused, inhaling through my nose staring out at the sun setting in the sky.

“She has lost a ton of weight as well. I don’t dare ask how, not like she would tell me anyway.” I laughed sitting back on my feet, placing my hands on my knees. The wind picking up, blowing a few strands around my face.

“Tommy has disappeared, we had a fight and he disappears. I don’t know what to do about that. Is that normal? Probably not. I think you were right, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with a gangster, as fearsome as they are, they can be such cowards sometimes.” I nodded, lifting the small bunch of flowers I purchased, picking at the green leaves, allowing the wind to take them.

“I still love him, don’t think I will ever stop. But I don’t know how much more of this I can take. The secrets, the lies… It’s all becoming too much. Is it wrong that I just want a normal life? The husband, the kids… the job. I still want it all but it seems everywhere I turn there is drama, violence, arguments. Where is the simplicity gran used to talk about?”

“Ana?” I heard a gruff voice call from behind me, startling me as I thought I was alone.

Peering over my shoulder, I spot the last person I expected to see, Arthur Shelby stood off to the side, cap just about covering his eyes, his coat flowing back with the wind.

“Arthur? Didn’t expect to see you here?” I respond standing to my feet, brushing the dirt from my dress, the man now in front of me a weary smile on his face.

“Easier to talk when they don’t talk back eh?” He joked awkwardly, nodding his head to the headstones surrounding us.

“Sometimes” I smiled with a nod “I just wish they could respond at least once, especially when you need them the most.”

“Sorry, must be hard losing a brotha, don’t know what I would do without mine. Giant pains in the ass but fuck be lost without em’.” Arthur nodded, reaching up to pull the cap from his head.

“It’s hard, cruel especially when he was my only sibling. You lucky to have a few.” I tell him admiring the wood with my brother’s named engraved into it. “He rather liked you in the end” I continued, noticing Arthur’s eyes looking between myself and my brother’s resting spot.

“He was a good man. Smart.” He nodded, his hand coming up and rubbing his nostrils, sniffling back. “Heard our Tom just left you, he would only do tha’ if it’s important.”

“Still would have been nice to know”

“Aye, aye it would. For you and me both.” Arthur nodded, returning the cap to his head and shoving his hands into his pockets, returning to his unsure stance. “Ye finished here? I can walk ye back if you want?”

“That would be lovely, thank you Arthur.”

****

Placing my coat on the coat rack at home, Arthur had awkwardly stood behind me swinging his arms from front to back, hitting a fist off his open palm each time they connected.

“I can just go Ana, no need to fuss bout me” Arthur shook his head as I walked past him, placing a soft hand on his upper arm as I did.

“Nonsense Arthur, it would be a pleasure”

During our walk home, we had discussed many things from our home life, to Tommy even going as far as to talk about some business including his plans for London. But what really changed my mind about the older Shelby brother was that he told me he still blamed himself for James death.

It was something I couldn’t understand, it was Irish business according to Tommy. Arthur wasn’t even involved with it, no one but Tommy was as far as I was aware.

When I tried to asked Arthur why he blamed himself, he would bring up the fight between himself and James, clearly an incident he still hadn’t got over, much like many other traumas he had experienced from the war.

No matter how much I told him, he was forgiven not only by myself but my James himself. It still wasn’t enough. He continued to beat himself down mentally, perhaps physically I wasn’t sure, his body was covered in a three piece suit.

He was a broken man. The war had brought so much pain, so much anguish, so much trauma that all this man needed was love. Someone to hold and tell him he was alright. Something I felt he didn’t get often.

Like Polly had mentioned before, he was the ‘maddest’ out of all the Shelby brothers, Tommy used him as a weapon that much was clear to see. Arthur was always the one called on to do the messy jobs, I couldn’t help but wonder did Tommy ever show his appreciation to him for it. Probably not.

Taking it upon myself to show the man some love, I decided to invite him back to my home for dinner, something he was more than happy to accept at the time. His eyes smiling at the thought of a full home cooked meal.

“You can place you coat on the rack Arthur, makes yourself comfortable please.” I inform him walking over to the pantry and pulling out some potatoes and carrots, placing them on the side before taking the pork chops getting them ready to put into the gas oven.

“Anythin’ I can do to help?” Arthur asked reappearing in my vision, a small smile on his face, hands cupped together in front of him.

“No, no you are my guest. I’m sorry it’s only going to be basic, simply don’t have much time for anything else.”

“I’m just grateful you asked, hand me a bit of bread and I will leave a happy man Ana.” Arthur grinned, moustache pushing up allowing his teeth to show.

“Well you will be leaving with a bit more than bread, Arthur I promise you that” I laughed popping the chops into the oven. “But next time I’ll be more prepared, serve you a feast.”

“I look forward to tha.” He nodded watching me move about the kitchen, stopping at Tommy’s whiskey cabinet and pulling out his favourite, along with a tumbler, handing the both to Arthur.

Taking them from me, I turned grabbing myself another glass just as Arthur finished pouring himself a hearty measure. He was about to pour the same for me, only I had stopped him at the first ounce.

“Cheers” I smiled holding up my own, allowing him to clink against the glass.

“Cheers, Ana cheers” Arthur repeated, taking a huge gulp. The liquid disappearing down his throat with a satisfied sigh.

I had busied myself in the kitchen while Arthur made himself comfortable on the sofa, small talk passing between the two of us as we waited for the dinner to be cooked.

The more whiskey to go down Arthur’s throat the more relaxed he had become, telling me some of the stories he had shared with me already at Christmas past as well as some new ones.

“You know, when we was in London right, we had women throwing themselves at us. The woman love the power you see Ana, you know it’s what attracted you to me brotha right” He pointed as I checked the potatoes.

“Is that right?” I asked, looking at him over my shoulder, a small laugh escaping my mouth. If anything, Tommy’s power intimidated me.

“It is Ana, it is.” Arthur nodded, reaching forward to fill his glass once more. “John had himself a little blond, like you. Not as beautiful mind you. I took me chances with a red haired but our Tom…Our Tom brushed them all away, no interest.”

“At all?” I asked, carefully taking the pork chops from the oven glancing over my shoulder at Arthur who continued to talk admittedly about their holiday in London a mere few weeks back.

“Nope and I’m not just staying it neither, cause I know you are upset with him, leaving and all that but he is a good man Ana just doesn’t think sometimes.”

“Alright Arthur I believe you” I smiled over at the older brother, taking two plates to plate up the dinner which was finally ready after an hour. “Come on, eat. Soak up some of that alcohol in your system, eh?”

“Your starting to sound like em to” He laughed pointing his index finger at me as he got to his feet.

****

After our dinner, Arthur had helped with the washing up before cleaning off Tommy’s bottle of whiskey, something I would have to explain when he returned from his escapades in London.

I had just put away the last of the dishes when I noticed the room had suddenly got quiet, turning around I found Arthur passed out in the sofa, half empty glass of whiskey in his hand.

Smiling softly, I exhaled brushing my hands down my dress before walking towards my bed, pulling off a pillow and the secondary blanket I had been using to keep warm since I didn’t have Tommy’s body heat.

Reaching the sofa, I threw the blanket around his waist, placed the pillow behind his head before taking the glass from his hand placing it on the small table in front of him as he rolled onto his back.

I smiled thinking he seemed quiet peaceful until a loud, snore escaped him. The sound catching my off guard. I almost lost my balance jumping back, only the table had saved me from falling over as I clutched my chest at the sound.

Laughing, I didn’t have the heart to wake him, he must have been exhausted. Biting my lip I decided to go lay in bed not getting into my night clothes as I didn’t want Arthur to feel uncomfortable if he woke before me in the morning.

****

The next the morning, still clothed in my dress from yesterday, a soft knocking on the door rousing my from my sleep.

Tiptoeing towards the door, I peered over the sofa, where Arthur was still sleeping soundly, the snores subsiding now he was on his side. Opening the door, I was met by another concerned Shelby at my door.

“Tommy disappears and you all flock to my door. What is that about?” I questioned allowing the younger Peaky Blinder into the my home just as a loud groaning comes from the sofa.

“There you are Arthur. Polly’s been going mad thinking you passed out in the streets somewhere.” John exclaimed finding his older brother, tired eyed as he looked around the unfamiliar surroundings. “He been here all night?”

“I made him dinner, yes” I grinned, as John walked over to his brother, slapping him on the back of the head for the worry he caused their aunt.

“Where the fuck’s my dinner?” John countered back, a surprised look on his face as he looked between myself and Arthur. “Ana if your cooking dinner I want to be invited, I would never turn down a free meal.”

“You have Esme looking after you, you don’t need my cooking.” I laughed side eying the younger Shelby.

“Esme has nothing on your cooking Ana, you are my favourite sister in law” Arthur pointed standing to his feet, stretching his arms above his head.

“I’m not your sister in law though.” I remind him with a nod, leaving him to fix himself as I went into the kitchen for a glass of water.

“Tom’s is gonna change that –“

“Shut up Arthur” John interrupted, a stern look on his face as he glared at his older brother before giving me a forced smile.

“No Arthur, please continue…” I implore putting the glass on the kitchen counter, walking closer to the pair, folding my arms across my chest. His words perking my interest.

“Yes Arthur continue.” A new voice entered, a voice I heard not heard in seven days sounding from the door.

He looked much better than he did when I left him in the hospital. The cuts along his cheek bones had healed nicely, as had the one of his chin. Both his eyes were open now, looking between the three of us before removing the cap from his head.

A mixture of emotions ran through me as I looked at the man standing in the doorway.

There was happiness that he was alive. There was excitement he was home but there was also anger at his lies he had yet to address regarding Grace and there was absolute rage that he had left without so much of a goodbye, not to mention the travelling to London when he could barely stand.

“Thomas Shelby” The words left my mouth sounding rather harsh.

In my peripheral vision I could see Arthur and John exchange a glance before Arthur rushed towards the coat rack, taking his coat, a sorrowful look towards his brother as he passed.

“We will let you get reacquainted and whatever” Arthur nodded throwing the fabric around his shoulders. “Oh and we sorted that house for Pol tomorrow.”

“Good, don’t let her know I’ve returned, keep her in charge for now.” Tommy nodded to his brother, his eyes never leaving mine. The two of us staring at other until the other broke.

And it wouldn’t be me this time.

Taglist

@shelbyteller @seleneshelby @forgottenpeakywriter @babayaga67 @sweetmilkshakeluminary @slutforcoffein @sydneyyyya @happysparklingshadows @margew76

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby fanfic #peaky fucking blinders #peaky blinders #peaky blinder fanfic #cillian murphy

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outpost51 · 5 months

Text

Playlist tag game

many thanks to @void-botanist for the tag!!

Rules: post a screenshot or a list of your playlist titles and tag some friends. If you're tagged, send op an ask about one of their playlists.

so. funny story. i....have. a lot. lmao

putting it under a cut for the sake of y'all's dashes

no pressure tagging (grabbing a bunch of you since i haven't done a tag game in a while): @sparatus @thetrashbagswasteland @writernopal @tabswrites @manicdepressivedaisy @nightingalesighs @commander-krios @princess-prawn @kiran-wears-science-blues @aceouttatime @straypurplebread @discoeffect @bambino1294 @breadedsinner @beelzebby666 and leaving it OPEN feel free to hop on and tag me i love music

two wrongs.

badder.

to be anointed in gold.

f*ck me yourself, coward

though she has shown me where her bones lie

white dove

six seeds

i don't wanna be your friend

there is no fog in the next town

desire

bare to the bone

pushing buttons crossing lines

damage control

he's a liar

fallen star.

the stars we wander, the hands we're dealt

thy will be done

lightning tracers

it's alright.

confidence interval

the space between relays

gone but not forgotten

three lost stars.

decaying orbit.

kerosene.

the hundred-year distance

advanced security measures

no room for innocence

stay.

o, icarus

toxic bastard syndrome

avi. avi. commence. stars.

i'll follow you anywhere.

i'll follow you down.

if not, winter

playing with fire

and she was an arsonist

cat::mouse

it's alright. i'm fine.

shimmer/scream

you were always my favorite

for love, i will handle your sins.

tell me lies.

blinding neon.

once bitten.

sparks on the pavement

if you don't grieve it didn't happen

harder places

no strategy

easy doesn't do it

record player static

racing comets

fuck em only we know

the last laugh

neon gravestones

voices

the boy who cried wolf

i was their revenge.

power surge

john can't dance.

#have FUN lol #tunes.mp3

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orange-ghost · 1 year

Text

I think I'm the only New Yorker who doesn't hate the subway.

Don't get me wrong-- the people on here can be nuts. The delays suck. And it can be dangerous. But at the same time, they're a great spot for people-watching? And I think growing up on them taught me a lot.

When I was 13, I noticed that a lot of my peers didn't like who they saw in the mirror. They'd always talk about how social media made them feel ugly, or bad about this, that or the third. I never understood. The way I saw it, people just... looked how they looked. Pictures didn't mean we all had to be that way, too. Not to me, at least.

I was also attending a visual arts high school at the time, and I noticed a lot of students' artwork on the walls. Some of them I really liked. Others, I didn't really lock them into my memory.

So I made up a game for my one-hour commute: every day, I have to look at everybody I see around me, and just notice something them that I thought looked nice or unique. No judgments, no oogling or negative comments, that's against the rules. Just... notice. And I always found something. Didn't even have to force it; it was easy.

Pretty black hair. Hooked noses. Smile-lines. Nicely-trimmed beards. A cane with stickers on them. Intimidating leather jackets. Glasses I wanted. Stretch marks. Deep brown eyes. Cool dreads.

It made me actually notice how diverse we all were. Like, damn, we really are built different, huh.

While I was doing this, I'd also take brief notes on what they were doing. Most just sat around thinking about whatever, but sometimes I saw friend groups talking. Married couples with kids. Solo riders holding poles with an engagement-ringed hand.

Strangers who I found especially beautiful often rode the rails alone? Like this 20-30-something guy with a short black ponytail & a leather jacket that I never saw again. Or this chubby light-skinned girl who was about my age-- had long, unkempt curls, glasses, and a bunch of Studio Ghibli pins on her bag. (I saw her all the time and always thought she was really cute, but never chatted her up because I'm a coward.)

And the strangers who didn't stick out to me, they often had people who loved them. Some were married, or at least engaged, or there with a girlfriend. Some had biiiig groups of friends who I could tell in that moment probably knew & cared about them deeply. And a bunch of them were alone here, but easily could've had somebody waiting for them at home, yk? Or friends & family they were on their way to see.

And why wouldn't they? Beauty is skin-deep and subjective, in the eye of the beholder. And to see that, all I had to do was just... look around. These people probably weren't models. Or social media influencers. And other people still liked 'em.

We're not supposed to be the same. That's part of the fun of living. And we're not supposed to all fit in some weird standard box. Especially one that can't even make up its mind. I remember as a toddler & a small kid, the TV would drone on and on about needing to be thin.. But now that it was 2017, I was seeing and hearing people drool over BBWs or whatever the word was. And I figured there were more important things in life than trying to fit a swaying box that's just gonna drop you in ten years, anyway.

All subjective. Kinda like the artwork that I would see on the walls.

Some of it fascinated me. Some of it didn't. And I wasn't the only one-- my other friends found themselves captivated by different pieces, ones that I didn't think much about. They probably saw things that I didn't. And none of us had a say over how much they're worth, or how much they meant to somebody.

I'm really glad I made up that game back in the day. I think it helped it helped me maintain a good body image, and deconstruct some biases I'd been taught. It also showed me that it's really easy to just... not judge people. Closemindedness is a choice. And it's a pretty easy one to persist past & overcome.

Man. I miss those train people now. I hope that they're all doing well. Wherever they may have gone.

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chidoroki · 8 months

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182 Days of TPN - Day 153

Chapter 153: "Coward"

I dunno why but I'm kinda bummed Norman's kill happened off-panel. Yeah it wouldn't feel right to see one one of the sweetest boys to take a life but that's exactly why it would work so well under his WM persona. And I just wanted to see Yverk perish, honestly. I don't like him. At least we got to see Norman attack Vylk in the second season, which is better than nothing, I suppose.

Norman would know that eradication is certainly not the only way to achieve peace if he would stop sounding like a broken record and listen to Emma's idea about the new promise and using the evil blood to save the demons. Also, I love how surprised the Lambda boys are upon hearing Emma rejecting Norman's orders/suggestion so easily. Her short & quick response is a nice callback to when she refused Ray's idea to leave all the GF kids behind back during ch4.

The WM facade that Norman is so confident with means nothing when our girl knows him so darn well, even to the point where he's lying to himself about his true feelings.

Gotta say that I prefer the anime's take on this panel much better as well. Definitely makes me feel sorry for this sad, terrified child more than a chessmaster with a god complex.

The manga does toss a whole bunch of flashbacks our way though so that does help pull some heartstrings here. I can also never remember that Norman & Vincent had the chance to meet casually while at Lambda. For a while I thought they only communicated via the rubix cube their entire time there. The Lambda staff should've never let these boys socialize.

They're both pretty stubborn when it comes to their own ideas but Norman has gotta know to yield once Emma has her heart set on something. You can't go against our leading lady. And how convenient that there's now a clear path between all the dead demons so she can march her way right up to him.

I love her so much for calling him out like this.

This trio is so darn precious with how much they care for each other and see each other as equals aaahh! Ray's words kinda remind me of ch178 when Norman said they would refuse to cross over to the human world if it means that Emma would have to sacrifice herself. And ch27 with Emma's famous speech about how they'll all live together and won't accept a future unless everyone is part of it. Look at that, all three of 'em having their own moments.

I don't even care if the anime switched up Ray's lines, it feels more personal to him when he draws on his own experiences and their relationship to remind Norman who he really is. I also love that someone is shown to be frustrated with Norman's actions. Emma is too, deep down somewhere I'm sure, but her voice is a lot more calming and hopeful during this scene, as usual.

Can't praise the anime for too long though since it doesn't include Ray offering his hand out to Norman like the manga does. (though perhaps it took inspiration from the following chapter since we don't see his hand there either when this moment is shown again.)

Anime also leaves Ray out of the hug for whatever reason. Maybe to match this chapter's extra page of Emma comforting a small, crying Norman, but c'mon, trio hugs are the best kind of hugs! (even though I personally prefer the hug shown next chapter a little bit more.) I can appreciate how the anime had Norman's hood fall down once Emma caught him as he fell to his knees, kinda like how his entire cape flew off here.

Favorite panel/moment:

Yeesss sweetie! Put that boy in his place!! I imagine she would've been just as angry if she had learned any sooner that Ray was sacrificing their siblings back at GF, so he's lucky all he got was a death glare in ch15.

Their faces are SO ADORABLE HERE!! HELP! I LOVE THEM!

#the promised neverland #tpn manga #182daysoftpn #chidoroki used chatter

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arcanigenum · 2 years

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Wishlist/relationship ideas/scenarios:

these are just random things and ideas i’ve posted that would be fun to write somehow!!!!!!

Generic

Lowkey want a muses get stranded on an island-thread

the “going on an adventure into a cave and something is VERY wrong and oh god there are monsters here” is one of my favorite tropes

yes in unrvld there’s a nothingness out on a lake and no one knows what it actually contains, which makes sense, otherwise it wouldnt be nothingness. you cant see it. you just get inside by accident. reality ceases to exist like you know it. you cant get out.

Related to Jacques

KISS JACQUES YOU COWARDS

if you push your hand against jacques’ stomach or something, and do it hard and long enough, will his body absorb your hand after a while? (do it)

sOMEBODY BE friends with jacques pre-cancer and pre-tectus and pre-monster!jacques he gets sick and you know he’s gonna actually d i e within a couple of months but then he fucking vanishes. where is he. is he dead? probably dead, right? what else couldve happened. then he shows up like a year later and is healthy and cant talk about what has happened bc stuff is classified and he’s just like eeeeuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh well im not dying anymore?

be the person that throws every throwable thing around them at jacques because he cheated on them

Pre-established romantic relationship that is rocky and they dont really know why theyre still together when they think about it, and they complain to their friends and their friends are like WHY DONT U DUMP EM and they just safety in what is known even if it isnt perfect

Wow itd be a shame if a monster muse fucked jacques in their true monster form wow what a shame itd be 👉👈

imagine punching jacques in the face and your fist just sorta travels through the head and the flesh and bone grips it

Related to Benjamin

your muse knows him from high school or college or medschool or whatever. havent met each other since. maybe benj bullied the shit out of your muse. team up in the apoc. consider your muse having to deal with teaming with their abuser from 20 years ago who either doesnt remember them or doesnt care LOL

benj considering your muse belonging to him so he’d be willing to kill anyone who fucks with them but your muse is more capable than benj at handling themselves

Related to Egil

Egil having a bunch of “wives”/“husbands” like negan but the exchange is blood for protection

POV: egil saves you from a group of baddies in twd verse but now youre his blood slut bag. he presents you as his blood slut to others as if it was your name.

someone should stab egil in the eye like the living dead person he is. and stake him.

Egil accidentally adopting your muse means he will dad them like a 17th century aristocrat dad which isnt much dading at all, but you might be trained to act like nobility

i have yet to rp egil when his heart fucks up and he just malfunctions i guess cus he cant die from heart failure as a vampire

imagine egil taking you out on a date and you get to feed the flesh building 😔❤ you get to choose whether you want to toss bodyparts into the depths of a flesh pit before or after dinner.

your muse having some sort of weird business kind of deal with egil and his bullshit and then we take it from there :’)))

Consider Egil challenging you to a duel because you have offended him, thats how real men settle their disagreements

if egil ever needs to see some kind of papers on/from staff at tectus he will do it in german bc he’s an asshole well aware of his background. “papiere bitte!”. now imagine him doing this while carrying his whip and wearing jackboots.

Related to Morgan

anyone wanna meet morgan in a random half abandoned place where an even more random item keeps multiplying

lowkey need morgan to have a close friend or romantic partner who is a criminal bc he’d struggle a lot

just play magic the gathering with him and paint minis

Related to Haq’rhá

your muse meeting haqrha as a child and no one believes they met an alien. they meet again years later when your muse is an adult.

imagine haqrha teaming up with supernatural hunters

note to everyone wanting to fuck the alien: dont let him top unless youre predator proof or equal to his size bc he’ll kill u 🤷‍♀️

SPACE ADVENTURE BUDDIES?

Related to Jeremy

jeremy needs at least one demon friend he never exorcised for some reason. or who came back three times and the third time jeremy got tired of it and was like you know what, i cant be bothered anymore.

if jeremy has ever fallen asleep, hangover af, in the confession booth? yes

fr. jeremy marlowe might be a forbidden thirst trap but that doesnt mean you cant get him in bed haha go fulfill that priest kink i fully support this

Related to Ull

Ull; a calm guy, very chill and reasonable, actually enjoys modern society. Also Ull: SACRIFICE AN ANIMAL AND A HUMAN IN MY NAME IF YOU REALLY WANT MY HELP, MORTAL oh and dont forget my apple vodka

Related to Azazel

who wants to be possessed and terrorized by az )’: whats the point of writing a demon if it cant possess someone )’:

aesthetic: being violently dragged out of the bed by the ankle at exactly 3 AM, held by one of az’ massive, bony hands from his back. down the stairs. down through the floor. down into darkness.

az probably drags people into his mountain where it’s dark and cold and humid. his own personal hell

azazzle might be a flamboyant whiny dramaqueen dressed in silk and gold but now picture him throwing up a galil rifle and shooting up a place while laughing simply because he can- now picture him as a healing figure for ppl with mental health problems and trauma

az doesnt only devour people. he also devours animals. your pets. your cattle. your horse.

survival guide to hanging out with azazel:

- come with gifts. specifically gifts he can eat. preferably a live animal. a horse, thanks! - accept you may die at any given point. it makes it less fun to kill you. party pooper. - refer to him as angel and never demon unless you want to cease to exist. - dont mention god or other angels unless you want a crying and enraged az on your hands. - tell him no and he will throw a temper tantrum, just be prepared - consider not hanging out with him???????????? he’s the deadly sins taken to extremes???????

Related to Elliot

let elliot be the bobby to your sam & dean

anyway let elliot adopt your muse and take care of them and do tarot readings for them

Related to Vigrim

sOMEONE NEEDS TO RIDE ON VIGRIM’S BACK

be his neighbour bc he’s the weirdest neighbour ever.

#x. wishlist #long post

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doesyourshipmakeyouabadperson · 2 years

Note

Thank you so much for this blog. Me and a bunch of my mutuals who write fanfiction have been bullied so much for our content creating. They have made our fandom a very toxic place to be. One was even suicide baited and they deleted a lot of their stuff. Seeing your blog is a breath of fresh air.

You are very welcome, nonny! People who suibait are literally the saddest people i'm lucky to not know (because they're cowards who always insult on anon lmaooo). So, fuck 'em!! You and your friends are out here trying to bring positivity into this world while all they're trying to do is tear others down. Keep being a beacon of light in the world, anon! I believe in you!

#not an affirmation #fanmail #lovely anon ❤

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transdaughterofthesun · 20 days

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So I don't know if this is good news or even really possible, but I genuinely believe that to fight the fascism at play here, with the police brutality at the protests and Zionists just in general, you need to humiliate them. Disclaimer here, I am not in an area with protests and haven't joined one ever, mostly due to the fact that literally every time a protest happens I am in a different city. Plus I am broke.

But why humiliate them? There's a point made in Lindsay Ellis' video about Mel Brooks and Satire, that I'll summarize terribly as 'neonazis love American History X as it frames the nazi imagery in such away that those who already lean that way can perceive it as cool and badass, The Producers by Mel Brooks affords them no such luxuries. It shows the farce that fascism is, and leaves no aspect clean from mocking.'

Police work the same way. You have all the copaganda on TV with dozens upon dozens of shows centered on the police being these badasses. Obviously, that is not real life, but it's enough to make a lot of kids want to be cops. So how to remove their power? Mock em. Not in a likable way such that it only makes em more endearing, but in ways that leave them looking like utter fools on their way out.

So what could you do to humiliate the Zionists and police?

Idea one, a drink stand for them that just so happens to have been laced with laxatives. Let them shit themselves, especially the cops.

Idea two, when the cops are raiding the building you are occupying, leave a bunch of pies out by the entrance for them to step and slip in. Maybe add those fart things there for added embarrassment.

Idea three, maybe the most dangerous, stink bombs. Make sure it's subtle so nobody can see it.

Obviously these tactics come with some danger. These are idiots and cowards with guns, anger issues, and a chip on their shoulder that they intend to make everyone else's problem, but it could be a start.

And I apologize for mainly focusing on the police and the student protests, Palestine should not be forgotten, and Israel needs to be held accountable. For now do everything you can for Palestine and Gaza, donate what you can, spread the news where you can, put up posters everywhere. Make it so nobody can escape the atrocities that Israel is causing, and the Western world is enabling.

#columbia university #protests #police brutality

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a-simple-spiders-oc-dump · 4 months

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The Kiddos From Universe 1 At Calypso Water Park

so one of my favourite character-building exercises I like to do is figure out how my OCs would act going to the theme park I used to go to a lot when I was in high school - Calypso Water Park. and while I've done this for the Realm Kiddos before, I haven't done it RECENTLY, and especially not since the canon shift. so fuck it!! we ball!!

Lydia is very much the Mom Friend of the group. She's the one who makes sure everyone's brought everything they need before heading out, and the one who pesters everyone to put on sunscreen (on Trinity's behalf). She's not the biggest fan of a lot of the slides, but she'll go on the smaller ones, especially if they're two-person slides and only one member of the group wants to go on 'em. Otherwise, she spends the day relaxing in the lazy river and spending time with Trinity to make sure she feels included. Probably gets a stomach ache from eating ice cream and then immediately getting roped into going on slides.

Sinclair is ADAMANT about going on literally every single slide in the park, probably bragging the whole time that these slides are child's play for them. In reality, they're fucking terrified of slides like Adrenaline (basically a straight drop), and completely chicken out at the Aqua Loops. They do get very competitive during races the group have on the Fast Track, and eventually it's just Sinclair and Sydney doing the ride over and over again until one of them is the definitive victor. The two bond afterwards over their bruised stomachs and somehow managing to steal the entirety of their meals (because both of them decided the food was super overpriced and thus it was stupid to pay for it).

Cynthia is largely just trying to keep track of everyone, since that's just instinct for her at this point, but after some time she starts to relax and do what she wants. I think the wave pool would be her favourite attraction, and she'd spend a bunch of time there just seeing how long she can last against the waves in the deep end of the pool (probably having a friendly competition with Dylan to see who can last the longest at least once.) She doesn't care too much for the slides, not because she's scared of them - they just don't really interest her. Still has a relatively good day against all odds!

Dylan is going fucking EVERYWHERE. He's doing Fast Track races with Sydney, Sinclair and the twins. He's going on Canyon Rafting with as much of the group as he can gather in one place. He's lounging in the lazy river. He's surviving the wave pool with Cynthia. He's eating a big hot dog and then immediately going back into it and then needs to rest on one of the lounge chairs in front of the wave pool because he gave himself a stomach cramp. Dylan is in his element here and he's having the TIME OF HIS LIFE. I think he might end up going into a bit of a funk for a few days afterwards because he got so much serotonin from this trip that he simply cannot get in his daily life. Plans on making this an annual event the second they leave the park at the end of the day.

Morgan loudly complains the whole time everyone is planning this excursion, calling it a waste of time, saying it's dumb baby shit, asking to stay home... But then everyone gets to the park and they learn that Morgan has a well-hidden thrill-seeking side. Sinclair TRIES to go on every slide in the park, but Morgan SUCCEEDS. Although, this comes with a downside... There are multiple slides that require two people that only Sinclair, or worse, Sydney are willing to go on with her. She definitely bullies Sinclair over being scared of the Aqua Loops and rubs it in their face when she does it, like, "see? I survived the big scary plastic slides. coward." Sinclair will probably seethe over this for the next week.

Sydney. is. fucking. ELATED. You just brought the Realm's biggest thrill-seeker to a water park that claims to have the fastest slides in the world! Peak enrichment!! Much like Dylan, she's absolutely everywhere, and it's really hard to track her down. Much like Morgan, she also goes on every single ride in the park, minus a couple because she got so caught up with the Fast Track bullshit. She and Sinclair get to do crime together too, which is just a nice bonus. She does get some weird looks due to her extensive scars, because sometimes people suck, but Sydney Could Not Care Less About This, There Are Slides To Be Conquered And Friends To Compete With Over Stupid Shit.

Trinity is deathly afraid of heights. This means basically every slide is off-limits for her. Additionally, she's pretty self-conscious about her death scar on her neck, and this doesn't help her social anxiety much. Mostly just sticks to Lydia, Dylan, Cynthia or Morgan's sides for the majority of the trip, watching everyone else have fun, but after a bit Bianca and Troy coax her to come with them to Pirate's Aquaplay and she starts to really enjoy herself. The three of them go under the bigass bucket there together (because when you go to Calypso you HAVE to step under the bucket) and the twins keep her from getting knocked over by the water, and it's the loudest anyone's heard Trinity laugh before.

Bianca desperately WANTS to keep up with Sydney but. holy shit. that's a LOT of slides. Her paranoia kinda ebbs and flows throughout the day regarding Troy, because on one hand, More People = More People Who Could Hurt Him, but on the other hand... who'd kill a kid surrounded by so many people?? (The latter reasoning is mostly her trying to fight that shit off with a metaphorical stick for the sake of actually being able to enjoy her day. It... only kind of works, much to her own chagrin.) And, at the very least, the two spend most of their day with Sydney, who Bianca full-heartedly trusts. (Maybe not to keep them safe from over-exertion, but at least to keep them safe from anyone who might try to hurt either twin.) She joins Troy in his gremlin antics at Pirate's Aquaplay, and is the one to suggest that Trinity come and join them to experience The Bucket. She heads to the gift shop early while Troy and Sydney are hanging out and gets everyone surprisingly thoughtful souvenirs from the day.

Troy is that little shit who goes to Pirate's Aquaplay and dumps the mini-buckets on kids' heads when they pass under it. I know this, because I was that little shit when I was a kid, and I know it's exactly the kind of thing Troy would love. A lot of the slides scare him more than he's willing to admit, and he especially hates any of the covered slides because they make him feel claustrophobic, but the big exception to this is the Turbo Lab. Partially due to the theming, partially due to the fact that they aren't super fast or tall slides, and partially because the ones he likes best are ones he can go on with his friends. By and large, though, he's mostly just following the group and joining in on activities like Canyon Rafting and Fast Track races. I like to think he and Bianca also make a bet on whether they can last more than five minutes in the kiddie pool without being kicked out. They barely even last a minute.

Gamma got volunteered by Alice to be a chaperone. He fucking hates it. Not just because it's REALLY hard to keep track of nine humans when they're all going on different rides on different ends of the park, not just because there are more people in the park that day than Gamma's seen in his entire life, but because Gamma has a secret phobia of drowning/being underwater. Being around this much water? That's hell to him. Either Alice or Sinclair has to explain the concept of a "lifeguard" to him to keep him from spontaneously combusting out of stress, and he can't look at the wave pool without his stomach twisting up in knots. Also? He refuses to wear swimwear. He's still in his fucking suit. He only vaguely understands why he's getting strange looks from everyone. Needless to say, Gamma does not have fun, but the humans had a great time and no one got seriously hurt, and once it's all over, that's all that truly matters to him. (He still needs to take a day or two to recover tho, because being hyper-vigilant for that long is fucking exhausting. And by 'take a day' I mean he spends a little more time than usual reading between patrolling the woods and making sure his siblings do their jobs, because Gamma doesn't understand that he can take a sick day without everything exploding, so there's no way he's taking a mental health day voluntarily.)

Alice would fucking LOOOOOOVE to go, but because of the Mechanics Of How Realms Work, she physically cannot. (The humans obviously can't go back to their homeworld, so they have to go to a different Reality in order to go to Calypso, and Alice is shackled to her Realm and the Reality it branched off from. I'm torn between it being a "if I leave I die instantly and I Do Not Want That" situation or "yeah I've got a built-in aversion to leaving this place that's kind of like a primal fear and I'm Not Fucking With That" situation. Could be both!) She still makes an adorable swimsuit for herself just for fun and watches everyone's day through portals while eating popcorn. She also spends a good amount of time talking with Gamma over his communication device whenever he starts getting overwhelmed by the. fucking EVERYTHING happening that day. Absolutely gets him to bring her back a souvenir from the park. (Oh, also, the group circumvents the money issue via Alice basically creating counterfeit money. Hey, they're only there for a day! What are the cops gonna do, track them down across time and space for a couple of forged twenties?)

#Universe 1 #The Gang's All Here #it was going to be LITERALLY every human(oid) character in Universe 1 but. tumblr wouldn't let me post it???#did this site get a word count limit when I wasn't looking or someshit???#anyways!! long story short:#(in a hypothetical post-main story Everybody Lives And Nothing Sucks timeline)#if Dawn went too Dylan would try to spend more time with her while they're there. it's awkward but it helps a little #and Dawn finally has a chance to fully relax for the first time in fucking AGES #meanwhile the Oracle couldn't go at all because her seer powers have left her pretty incapable of being able to be around large groups #or in water that she could drown in because. if you can't perceive what's happening in the moment you can't exactly. tell you're drowning.#but she doesn't care much because all of Alice's soldiers are basically strangers to her and she didn't like water slides to begin with lol #Alice's guards also can't go for. obvious reasons.#although the mental image of El and Ar in one of those two-person floatie tubes is fucking hilarious to me #like ''uh yeah can you let my fuckin rock dogs go on this water slide please? I've never asked before.''#if you're asking why I made this. I don't fucking know. but it sure was fun!!!#I'm sure this is kinda incomprehensible to anyone who didn't grow up in southern Ontario lmao #just look at the Calypso website they've got all the attractions listed there #(along with the cheesy mascot-esque characters that go with them afahjsdgfjhasd I've got a soft spot for them)

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honey-lemonz · 3 years

Text

Kokushibou [Satisfied smut]

Xmale reader

3rd

Warning! Sexual Content!

Includes: stress sex, fight then fuck, koku being a bratty bottom, biting,blowjob, marking, multiple orgasms ,multiple rounds, over stimulation, dirty talk, fighting during sex, degradation (heavly). Hiding, slapping, spitng, and a spite fuck. Goodness..Enjoy!

Kokushibou pushed the archer against the wall as both were fighting.

For almost 7 hours.

(M/n) or the archer was happily living on his land and was fine but. The dam fake Samurai had other plans to upset that. Like attacking him. Gods they hated each other..

To the point it was not comical.. no no.

Sexual almost.

Two strong men grunting and groaning, one with blood all over him..for being the one with more hits. Sweat on their bodies and one with his hair arrayed. Kokushibou was losing it.

Internally and externally.

Internally he could not understand why he was feeling slightly aroused in battle, especially with this fucker. The archer demon named Yasumebu (M/n). A demon he hates because he reminds him of his late twin.

Someone who is superior and most likely would be superior to him.

He felt his cock trying to poke in his hakama pants. His kimono was sticking to the sides on his body as he was forced on to the ground. Yasumebe was about to prepare an arrow until..

Kokushibou moved his leg to reveal he was aroused but no on purpose or on invitation. But (m/n) was the only other demon around who could have done this to him. To him it was weird. He froze the arrow and squinted at the Samurai.

He but his foot on Kokushibou's growing hard on and moved it without any sign of being gently.

Kokushibou groaned and hissed at him. About half of his eyes, the three on the left pinched shut. It was not out of pain but only pleasure. This made Yasumebe..disgusted to say the least.

But also he wanted to kill the upper rank for what he had done...but torture is always a better cause.

"Look at you..you pervert. Getting aroused with me in a fight you picked..how promiscuous..really are that much of a bastard you need a dick in you to make you feel whole?"

He moved his foot more vigorously, it made the upper rank squeak but not moan. No! He will never get any sign of pleasure from him. "I-I am not, aany an c-can get aroused. Never for oor from you-"

"Oh cut the bullshit you bastard. You attack me in my home and demand I die so you an be the best? Or is it jealousy? Jealous of me to the point you want me to fuck you? Make you a proud man with my cock stuffed into all your slutty holes?"

Kokushibou's six eyes widen. He dropped his sword from the feeling. What feeling is this? He asked himself. Demons cannot blush or anything but he could feel his ears burn and his cock ache and throb.

He hated him to the point it turned him on? Is that possible? No.

He hated Yoriichi but they were brothers and that is just wrong...but this dam archer..

Before he realized his mistake of thinking to deep, he got an arrow into his wrist and an arrow shot his sword far away from him.

"Well took you too long to answer the question so it is a yes, isn't it? Gods, I hate you but I always give whores like you a chance. By now you'd probably be satisfied sucking a cock and dying. The great upper rank one? Such a fucking slut.."

The arrow glued his wrist together so he could not move em, he could make another sword but he had to concentrate to do that. He needed his full energy to do it but his energy was focused on..him..the archer and how he needed t̶o̶ ̶k̶i̶l̶l̶ him.

The archer pulled Kokushibou by his hair next to a stool, he was gracious or caring about it. He hated him and as did he.

But goodness did he remember how they fought. How strong he looked and how much strength it goes into an arrow. Not that he thought the sport was worth this time, oh never. But him...it made his condition worse. His cock was probably leaking streams of precum.

"Must you fight, I am helping you. Trust me I do not want a whore like you anyways, a good one can shut up and take it..you..most likely are a brat or bitch about it.."

Kokushibou hearing this moved his combined wrist up to scratch the shit out of his arms like a fucking cat.

"Goodness if you want to mark me already! Dam, such a needy bastard...beat how many times you sucked your masters cock all these years...most likely didn't make you choke or gag for the hell of it..but now worries like defeat and death.."

He brought his up to his face. Both were around the same height, so it worked. But Kokushibou was now on a bedding and he was looking up at him. So he felt smaller. He hated it. But it aroused him.

Hate what pleasures you. But between you and I..is not the first he gotten aroused at the thought..

"I make sure to be the one to make it your first.. now if you bite he I cut you cock off too. Got it?"

Hell to Yasumebe it was an excuse to just make him feel a better or worse pain.

"Tsk, as ever I would do as you ask yo-"

He got fucking bitched slapped in the face. "Now I'm going to say this again. You were the one who got to be a perv right? You can suck your masters cock for all of eternity then you can suck a real mans one and not a cowards. Something you need to do. Bite me and you can burn in the sun with my cum all over and inside you. Now be a good brat and suck."

He stood above him with a tight grip on his head and hair. (M/n)'s own cock was out and the marvel it was had the upper rank's mouth salivating.

He just stared at it, like it was something new to him. "What you never seen another mans dick before? Always ready to ride and suck one for you life, so be the slutty brat you are and do what you know best. Go one you need help is my cock to big for your mouth? The one you use to pledge and talk shit? "

In his head he muttered, probably eat it too.

Kokushibou opened his mouth to rebuttal..dumb move. A thick and long length was shoved down deep into his throat. Making his gag on spit and the length. H opened his lower eyes to see not even all of it was in his mouth. The hell?

(M/n) hissed and moved his hips back and forth, he was fucking his face. "Good little slut, do what you know best bastard. Then maybe I can fuck your other hole, maybe even be nice and let you cum.:

Kokushibou groaned on his cock and moved tied wrist to get a grip and move on his own accord, but no avail. His own cock was in need of help. His mind was erasing with how much pleasure would come if he would get fucked like a whore.

Which he is.

His tongue lapped at the lip and it moved in and out his throat. He was pumping his cock with his hands at the same momentum. So feverish and so tempting, it make slick warm between his thighs. His ass flexed at the homewreacking feeling.

His large cock pushing in and out of his made him close two sets of his eyes and let where his true ones stay open. (M/n) hissed and pushed his head all the way to the hilt of his cock and made his stay there. Groaning as Kokushibou's mouth filled with an ocean of cum he swallowed.

The taste wasn't as bad as he imagined. His cock spurted some ropes of cum but he knew with how his luck was playing it would not be the first time tonight. He was allowed to breathe and swallow the rest.

(M/n) looked down at him, his eyes were glossy and he was gasping for air.."Goodness you really are that bad.."

Kokushibou didn't care about his pride or his will, or even the envy. He felt hatred and pleasure. He needed to feel more, it was so addicting. It was like a slow burn he loved. The fire in the pit of his stomach burned for more. To be full , imagining that amount of cum stuffing his tight entrance or making his abdomen bulge..

To be breeded like a mating whore for him..

(M/n) pushed the Samurai to the side of the bedding and for him to be on his front. Ass up, he pulled the rest of his clothing off him. He would often scratch him or put marks he knew he could heal over..if he was concentrated enough.

His plump ass had goosebumps as his breath glazed across it. No kissing rather biting. He bite down on his ass. "For such a plump ass, you and kiss a lot of it aye? Sluts like you can be so troublesome but in the end.."

H sat up and got close to Kokushibou's ear. He moved his already messy and disheveled hair. His lapped his ear lobe and bite down to make it bleed.

"All of you are just bratty whores who need to be taught their place..." Two fingers were pushed into his slicked up entrance and they clung onto (M/n)'s fingers like glue. Kokushibou moaned out curses as he slumped down. He turned his head to the side to he the rest of his.

It felt too dam good. His fingers were so close to his prostate and so close to making his mind wipe to pure ecstasy and pleasure, even if he wasn't at it already. He moaned out without a care in the world. Asking no begging for more. It made (m/n) want to torture him more..

They did hate each other, but to one it was just funny.

"M-more, please fuck me more gods..please..fu-fu~ck.." he cursed as he spread his legs wider to make his fingers go deeper to touch or even at least brush his prostate.

His eyes were closed except the true ones, the only one he could keep open. Upper rank one was glossy and also looked like a bunch of whores eyes. He bucked his hips when his own forgotten and needy cock was slowly getting pumped.

"Wait- WAI- no ahh~" As soon as he pumped his length and pushed deeper into his hole, feeling for his prostate. He came again onto the bedding. He gasped loudly and slumped over. Kokushibou's cock twitched but was still erect.

"Well, what was it you were saying bastard? Or were you too busy cumming like a little whore to even finish? Hmm well it guess my cock can satisfy your perverted self, disgusting."

He spat on his gasping hole and moved his fingers out. The amount of slick or cum on his fingers made him laugh at the pathetic state of the upper rank. "Wow, such a slut for all this? Wonder how easy it is to break your ass and see you go silly."

He yanked almost his hips back up to his waist, Kokushibou swallowed thickly at what was about to happen. (M/n) stroke himself and placed the tip of his cock on Kokushibou's gaping whole.

"One more thing pervert.."

He leaned forward to upper rank one, Kokushibou felt his chilling breath on his ear. All his eyes widen as his cock slowly pushed into him.

He whispered:

"I win slut.."

He slammed his cock into him, pushing harshly onto his prostate and making the upper rank yelp and moan loudly. He almost screamed, (M/n) gave him no time to adjust. Rather he fucked him ruthlessly. He used his hair and yanked it, making him look at the ceiling and also to feel himself hit deeper and deeper.

Kokusibou was babbling about more and more. Or how he hated him. Just either 'fuck me' or 'i hate you'. The archer demon did not care. He was a slutty pervert who got what he wanted. A good cock with a good fuck.

"Such a tight- little slutty whole..gods, im going to loosen it up for you and make sure no one couuld fuck you like I- ah~could..you'd like that Kokushibou? To be a slut and ask others to fill you with their cocks like I do?"

He thrusted faster and harder, Kokushibo's prostate was abused and he felt himself cum again and again. Due to his unlimited stamina and would be fine. But he was feeling drained, he felt so fucking stupid. He was getting fucked stupid even more.

(M/n) hissed when Kokushibou tightened around him, he groaned and growled as he shot thick ropes of cum into his ass. Filling him over his opacity and making his abdomen stretch to accommodate to the amount.

All his eyes, closed with tear stains. Kokushibo's head was let go and he fell straight into the bedding. (M/n) looked at him and didn't bat an eye to spit on his face. His lower half was with filled with cum or covered in it. He cleaned himself and took his arrow out of his wrist and gathered the rest.

He looked one more time at the upper rank. The most feared of them all, looking like a slut in heat. He pulled the hair that would have been a neat pony tail but now is just out and disheveled. He made him look him in his eye.

"See now upper rank? Such a pathetic fighter and warrior, you did do one thing. Your were a decent fuck, not the best but decent." he patted his head and walked out the destroyed house.

Soon it was lit on fire. To destroy what ever was left.

Kokushibou luckily got away and out of the suns fury. But he did hate the archer demon with all he had, and envy him so much. But fuck... he sighed as he stroked his cock from the memory.

"He was right.."

His licked away the cum from his ass as he pulled away his fingers and from his hand. His cock throbbed at the dull feeling. The lackluster feeling inside him only his enemy gave him.

"I am such a whore for yasumebe.."

#demon slayer x reader #x male reader #kokushibo x reader #kokushibo #Kokushibou xmale reader #uppermoon one #upper rank one #smut #Kokushibou smut #top male reader

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ichigopanhpff · 2 years

Text

Mitsuya x Fem!Reader Begin Again: Ch. 18

[Previous Chapter] -- [Masterlist] -- [Next Chapter]

I translated Wakui-sensei's interview in "Tenjo Tenge" a while back and have been wondering who'd be interested in reading it. It talks about how the series came to be, how he created the characters, etc. LMK in the comments :D

Warnings: Violence, blood, cursing

“(Y/N)-san!” the first division ran up to her.

“We heard what happened from Inui-kun,” Atsushi affirmed. “Are you okay?”

“Define ‘okay’,” she flatly answered with a rough voice and walked past him to sit at the stairs by herself to steady her emotions for the upcoming fight and closed her eyes to conserve energy.

Moments later, Chifuyu’s bike pulled up with Takemichi in tow. Making their way up the stairs, the vice captain announced the untimely passing of Emma and updated everyone on the current situation, with discord spreading due to Mikey and Draken being unable to join in the fight. Those in the crowd discussed whether or not to retreat for today and live to fight another day. (Y/N)’s anger rose higher and higher as she continued to listen to these cowardly words murmured out.

“If we retreat now, we can prepare ourselves for a better chance to win,” Takemichi agreed. “But… Toman will attack Tenjiku today,” he declared.

Then came the jeering, calling him selfish and wondering who made him king to declare something like that. Deciding amongst themselves to disband for the night, (Y/N) finally stood from the stairs and made her way to the middle of the parking lot.

“So this is all Toman has to offer?” she shouted. “A bunch of cowardly, punk ass bitches, huh?!”

“The fuck you say?” one turned around to face her.

“You shitheads are retreatin’ cus you can’t win?! Is that why you joined?!”

“Bitch! Take that back!” The moment a member swung, (Y/N) immediately blocked it and crudely lifted him by the collar off of the ground with one arm, pure fury reflecting in her hollowed eyes.

“(Y/N)!” Chifuyu shouted. “Stop!”

She roughly threw the Toman member she was ready to punch out with a heavy thud. “Takemichi-kun, Chifuyu and I will go alone, even if you yellow-liver cowards won’t!” she declared with a growl in her voice. “How’s it feel for a girl to have more guts than any of you fuckheads combined?!”

"It wouldn't make sense for us to go," Inui tried to reason with her. "We'd all get slaughtered."

"Then we go down swinging," she declared.

“It won’t just be the three of you!” Atsushi shouted. “I’m with you! Takemichi’s the only person who never runs away!” With the rest of the first division in agreement. “We’ll always be with you!”

“That Takemitchy…” a new, familiar voice came in. “He doesn’t fight to win.” The crowd parted to reveal a bandaged Smiley and Mitsuya being carted through in their respective wheelchairs.

“We just happened to sneak outta the hospital,” Smiley casually answered.

“Takemichi’s an idiot. That’s why he never runs,” the second division captain added.

“You. Should not. Be here.” (Y/N) growled out. A roaring dark aura could be seen coming up from behind her like a monster from Berserk.

“I’m awake, darling,” her boyfriend cheerfully greeted with a boyish smirk, trying to hide his nervousness. “Is that a new jacket?”

“Don’t you ‘darling’ me, Mitsuya Takashi!” she fumed and pointed at him. “You two should be resting!”

“Relax, we won’t be fighting,” he reassured. “Take them with you, Takemitchy,” he gestured to Hakkai and Angry.

“You can’t carry Toman all alone, you know,” Angry declared.

“Are you guys serious…?” Inui uttered out.

“Is the sky blue?” (Y/N) shot back with a cocked eyebrow and placed her hands on her hips.

“Our chances to win is zero to none!” Chifuyu announced. “And if we run now, then consider it the end of Toman. We have to prove ‘em wrong right?!” the first division vice captain rallied the troops. “Even if Mikey’s not here, Toman will never lose!”

Having lit a fire inside the members, they roared to life in chanting the gang’s name. As (Y/N) made her way to be with everyone, Mitsuya grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his lap.

“What’re you—”

He leaned in and gave her a deep kiss on her lips while his left arm firmly wrapped around her waist; his right hand threaded his fingers into her hair. Even Smiley was surprised to see the usual stoic second division captain act so boldly.

“For good luck,” he whispered on her lips after releasing and rested his forehead on hers. “Come back to me, okay?”

“Mitsuya Takashi, you are a pain in my ass.” She reached up and cupped his face in her palms. “You’re lucky I love you.”

His lavender gaze slowly widened after realizing what he heard.

“Did you just sa—”

“I gotta go.” Hopping off of him, she ran to catch up as the members mounted their bikes. In actuality, she just didn’t want him to see how big of a blushing mess she became after saying that. The two captains watched her shrinking back hop on Peh-yan’s bike, waving at them as they pulled out one by one to Yokohama.

“You fine with her runnin’ into the fight like this?” Smiley asked with worry. “She could get hurt badly.”

“Even if I tried stopping her, she’d still find a way to go,” the lilac haired boy answered with a small chuckle and lightly shook his head with a lopsided smirk. “Damn, how’d I get so lucky to love someone like her?”

“No need to rub it in, okay?!” the fourth division captain bit back with annoyance. “I want a girlfriend too, damn it! I wanna be popular!”

About a half an hour drive later, Tokyo Manji Gang arrived into Yokohama with the roar of their bikes. Slowly rolling up to the eighth pier at Yokohama Bay, the small group dismounted off of their ride one by one. Hakkai carried the gang’s flag with the headlights of their bikes illuminating their path. The air was thick with anticipation as the wintry winds of the Bay howled to fill the silence. Kisaki could be seen standing at the very top of a shipment container, glowering down at Toman as if they were ants.

(Y/N)'s deduction was right: he was the instigator of this fiasco. Scanning the massive bodies of Tenjiku, she saw Mucho, the brothers and Mochizuki who attacked her and Mitsuya last month, sitting on their respective containers.

“400 members of Tenjiku versus 51 members of Toman!” one opposing member announced and appeared from the crowd. “Today’s forerunner will be me! Former president of the 9th generation Black Dragons, Tenjiku Four Heavenly Kings, Madarame Shion!”

(Y/N)’s eye twitched the moment Black Dragons slipped from his mouth, glaring fiercely at the face tattooed man.

“Who will Toman send?!” Shion shouted.

After Yamagishi explained what a forerunner was, Takemichi slowly stepped forward, saying it should be him.

“Stop jokin’ around, Toman!” the heavenly king taunted. “None of your MVPs are around! Don’t tell me you don’t have a forerunner either?!”

“Your opponent will be me.” Peh-yan stepped forward with (Y/N) placing a hand on his shoulder. He turned to meet her determined gaze.

“Peh-yan… Please… Let me do this.”

The two looked at each other, having their reasons to lead the fight mentally.

“(Y/N)-chan, you can’t get hurt this early on. Toman needs your strength.”

“They need you more than me,” she replied. “You’re an acting captain; I’m just an affiliate.”

They continued glaring fiercely at each other until they broke out into a game of rock, paper, scissors: Peh-yan threw rock while (Y/N) threw paper.

“Hell yeah!” she cheered for herself and stepped forward.

“What’s this?! Toman’s sending a girl out?!” Shion wildly cackled. “That’s a new low.”

“Tokyo Kitsune, affiliated with Tokyo Manji Gang, (Y F/N),” she calmly announced with a nonchalant glower over the mocking, heckling of Tenjiku.

“Whatever!” Shion stared her down. “Be it you or any Toman member, I’ll finish you all myself.”

“It always goes back to Black Dragon huh…” she muttered to herself and sighed. “So tiring...”

“You’re rather pretty.” He bent down and leered at her with a perverted, toothy grin. “It’s a shame you’re on the losin’ side, sweetheart. How ‘bout you n’ I settle this with my di—”

(Y/N)’s low right uppercut smashed into Shion’s jawline at lightning speed, immediately knocking him down onto the ground with the whites of his eyes showing. The grunts of Tenjiku couldn’t believe what just happened.

“You talk too much,” she grumbled with an annoyed expression. The lack of sleep on top of the mental and emotional stress these assholes put her and her friends through reached its tipping point; it was time to let it all out. A throbbing vein could be seen jutting out of her right temple. “And your breath stinks.”

“Shion… got knocked out with one punch?!” one Tenjiku member piped up.

(Y/N) stared down the massive crowd with animosity. “Black Dragon, Tenjiku… I don’t give a fuck. You’re all irredeemable bastards.”

“S-Shit! It’s that Kitsune?!” one spoke. “I thought they disbanded!”

“What’re you talkin’ ‘bout?” another asked.

“Don’t take her lightly!” The anonymous Tenjiku member pointed to the embroidered lotus on her sukajan. “If I remember right, she alone took down Insomnia.”

“Wait… the Insomnia in Tohoku?!” another piped up, stirring up indistinct chatter on the other side.

“She’s… the Fiery Lotus!”

“It’s Raging Lotus, asshat!” she snapped back angrily and showed the kanji on her left sleeve. “Learn to read!”

“I didn’t know we had such a heavy hitter in our midst,” Yamagishi, the delinquent dictionary, adjusted his glasses with an anxious glint in his eyes.

“Whadaya mean?” Atsushi asked him with a nervous sweat.

“I dunno much ‘bout the gangs outside of Kantou, but I heard Insomnia was bad news in northeastern Japan. They did mainly money laundering, insurance schemes and black market shit…” he gulped. “To think she was the one who brought ‘em to their knees… We’re lucky she’s on our side.”

“What’re you talking about?” (Y/N) lightheartedly asked just as she made her way back to Toman, scaring majority of the first and second division.

“N-Nothing!” the spectacles boy nervously stuttered out. “We were just amazed at how quickly you took down a Heavenly King.”

“Him?” she glowered at his unconscious form with foam coming out from the side of his mouth. “He talks tough, but that’s all he’s got goin’ for him.”

“Easy for you to say, considering you took down one of the biggest gangs in Tohoku,” Yamagishi muttered.

“That was unintentional,” she revealed and turned to him with a lopsided smirk. “I didn't know who he was until after the fact."

"HAAAH?!" the collective group exclaimed in shock.

"He was bullying some 12 year olds, trying to extort money from them to cover his “medical fees” from lightly bumping his shoulder by accident,” she recalled with air quotes. “Next thing I knew, he was on the ground with a broken nose and knocked out cold. I called him lame for picking on people half his size.”

All her friends could do was stare at her incredulously, stuttering and stammering as the blood from their faces drained.

“My half-brother n’ his friends ripped into me and I was forbidden to fight for two weeks after that happened to keep the rest of the gang from coming after me,” she chuckled and rubbed the back of her head.

“(Y/N)-chan…” Hakkai called. “Your idiocy is actually next level.”

“I don’t wanna hear that comin’ from someone who still can’t talk to girls normally,” she shot back and turned her attention to Takemichi with her game face on. “Anyway, what’s the goal here, acting commander?”

“Get to Kisaki, get Koko back for Inupi, and take down Tenjiku.”

“Roger that.” She rolled her shoulders back a few times to loosen up her muscles and exhaled through her lips.

The moment the de facto commander roared the signal to go, the entirety of both forces clashed with their fists. Peh-yan ran into the crowd alone and mowed down several Tenjiku bodies on his own.

“Let’s make a path for Takemitchy!” Angry shouted as he punched his way through bodies; (Y/N) was surrounded by five Tenjiku members. Attacking simultaneously, she grounded herself and remained calm, mentally mapping out where each of them would land within her range of attack and what was the most effective method in taking them out in one go.

Just as two launched themselves at her, (Y/N) used minimal power and aimed her fist right into one of their stomachs. The blow back from his own strength made him collide into his ally and collapsed. Another enemy tried to take a swing at her with a pipe from behind, only to have her dodge to her right and followed up with a left roundhouse kick into the small of his back. The momentum of her kick knocked him into two more Tenjiku members. She was then met with one more trying to punch her in the face and ducked by doing a back bend by the skin of her teeth before springing back up with a right straight of her own.

The surrounding enemy stepped back from the threatening aura she exuded as she glared in their general direction with darkened fury. From her peripheral, she saw a white haired boy stroll up to Peh-yan as he whittled down Tenjiku’s forces almost to half. As the acting third division captain charged at Izana, his form went flying as he threw a kick to his temple, knocking him out.

Both sides fell silent.

“Okay! He’s stopped moving now,” as all the white haired boy casually said and retreated.

“He’s got a kick like Mikey’s too, huh…” (Y/N) huffed out, remembering her spar with Toman’s commander. “That’s troublesome.”

Taking a quick survey of the lay of the land, their side seemed to be in a struggle due to the sheer number of bodies on the other side. Having Peh-yan knocked out diminished their boon from earlier. Throwing another Tenjiku member attacking her over her like they were a pebble and dislocating the shoulder of another, she suddenly found herself back to back with Chifuyu.

“So you’re my partner this time, huh,” she smirked as the opposing gang circled them. “Should be interesting.”

The moment two grunts charged, (Y/N) and the first division vice captain landed their hits in sync in the form of a punch and a front kick, respectively. From her peripheral, she saw another enemy member come at Chifuyu with a pipe. Quickly pivoting on the balls of her feet, she covered his blind spot by thrusting her palm directly at his lungs, knocking his breath out before chin checking him in the form of a gate kick. Just as she turned, another tried to jump her from behind, only to be intercepted by the blond boy's left hook and right uppercut to their face.

“I got your back.”

“Never doubted for a second.”

While the two were slowly trimming down the enemy’s forces, Mochizuki suddenly approached the green eyed blond boy. Just as she was about to join in, Angry’s scream of agony drew (Y/N)’s ears. Quickly glancing over, his leg looked injured. Hakkai was tackled to the ground and took hits to the head with a baton.

“Shit… the Haitanis…” the blond uttered out. “They’re in trouble.”

She had a choice to make: help Chifuyu or save Hakkai.

“Chifuyu, you got this?”

“I’ll manage somehow.” He glanced over with purposeful turquoise eyes. “Go.”

(Y/N) quickly disappeared into the sea of bodies. Using one of the Tenjiku member’s back to jump into the air, she split kicked the brothers in the face just as she landed. The treads of her sneakers slid on the ground, kicking up dust and shielded the injured Toman vice captains.

“You two okay?” she asked them, her eyes intensely focused on the Haitanis.

“(Y/N)-chan…” the lanky blue haired boy huffed out, holding his forehead and grunted, trying to refocus his eyes. “They’re too strong. Run.”

“And how would I face Takashi?” she asked back and rotated her wrists to loosen them up. “Take whatever time you can to recover. I’ll do what I can.”

“Oh, it’s the crude mouthed girl,” the blond recognized and rubbed where she kicked him. “We’re not fightin’ you.”

“So you rather pick on two baby brothers than deal with a girl half your size?” she taunted with an arrogant smirk. “I thought you were strong, Shitani brothers.”

“This bitch…” Ran growled with a vein popping out of his temple. “Let’s get her, Rindou.”

“As much as I hate doing this, she’s getting on my nerves,” the younger brother agreed.

“So a baton user and a grappler who breaks limbs… Both’s got pretty good speed…” she noted out loud and placed her hands on her hips. “Tenjiku’s got some brutes, huh.”

It was a risky strategy, but (Y/N) wanted to test their strengths first by taking the defensive. Rindou was the first to go with his low dash; she could see he was aiming for her leg first. Jumping high enough to avoid his grasp, she immediately felt Ran’s presence behind her with his baton at the ready. Unable to dodge on time, his weapon was met with her left arm to block a deadlier blow to the back her head the moment she turned her torso. She grunted and rolled on the ground with the push of her body to make a getaway from their range.

“Ooh, we’ve got a live one,” Rindou happily tittered. “She’s clever and fast.”

“Been a while since we’ve fought someone like this,” Rin concurred. “I’m gettin’ excited.”

“That twin tail bastard really put his full swing in that baton.”

Had she not worn protective guards on her arms under her clothes, her ulna bone would’ve most likely been bruised or fractured. The pain on her left arm was dull but very manageable. Shaking off the sensation, she had to figure out a plan to separate the two; the problem was who to take down first.

Both were equally as fast as her. Strength alone, the younger Haitani had the upper hand with the older trailing not too far behind. The best she could do at this point is read their flow and find an opening to attack.

As Rindou charged again, she saw he was aiming for her left arm this time. When the blond gripped it firmly, (Y/N) immediately used the velocity against him by pivoting and slugged him right in his cheek and kicked him in the chest. The younger Haitani released his grip and stumbled back, reeling in the damage he took.

“A jeet kune do user huh…” he panted out with an angry glare and spat some blood out.

“You good there, Rindou?” his older brother calmly asked and readied his baton.

“Yeah… She’s gonna be a pain to deal with.”

“Same goes for you two.” She lightly exhaled to mentally and physically reset. “I’ll admit it first: you two are strong in your own right.”

“Is this you bowing down to us now?” Ran haughtily taunted.

“No,” she bantered back with a smirk. “It’s just gonna feel that much more satisfying when you two go down.”

“I was gonna let her off with a concussion, but let’s actually kill her,” Ran declared, his violet pupils exploding in a fit of rage.

Changing up their strategy, both charged with Ran swinging his weapon, only to be effectively blocked. She then gripped his right forearm and flipped him on his back and out of range as Rindou came up close trying to tackle her by the midsection. She barely managed to dodge and instinctively ducked the moment Ran swung at her from behind again.

As easy as it looked from the outside, (Y/N) was doing the bare minimum in keeping up with their pace. They were faster than she anticipated.

Their attack rhythm were as relentless as their strength. As the older Haitani dove at her again with the baton at the ready, she timed his swing and knelt down like a boxer. Stepping into his domain, she threw a right palm smash into his stomach, knocking the wind out of Ran and felt the kickback of his own strength in his muscles before staggering. The moment she saw Rindou in her peripheral, Ran flashed her a grin just as he fell.

“Shit. He was just a diversion.”

The younger brother came from the side and successfully tackled her down and vice gripped her left arm. She struggled to get free to no avail.

“I’ll be taking this!”

With an uncomfortable pop, a fiery, seething pain shot up her back and upper arm. She tightly gritted her teeth to withstand the shock and let out a stifled groan, her pupils fully constricted from the excruciating pain. He released his hold and retreated back to his brother’s side.

“Sorry you had to take the hit,” Rindou apologized.

“It’s worth it to see her like this,” Ran huffed with his signature grin and rubbed his sore stomach. “She hits pretty hard for someone her size.”

“I’m rather disappointed she didn’t scream.”

Letting out ragged gasps, (Y/N) stumbled back up and held onto her now dislocated left arm. Had she not pivoted just as he went in at the last second, it would’ve been broken for sure. Steadying her nerves, mind and breathing, she swallowed thickly and firmly gripped it to push it back into the socket, choking back a grunt; she didn’t want to give them the satisfaction. Audibly exhaling and panting from the ordeal, perspiration dripped heavily from the sides of her face and pooled at the tip of her chin.

“Oh?” the younger Haitani noticed. “It’s not broken? She’s smarter than I thought.”

Taking a mental tally of her current physical status, things were dire. Her body was screaming with the rage of a banshee as she recovered from the pain and shock of the dislocated arm. Her legs still had strength; maneuverability wise, she’s at half the speed from before.

“This sucks…” she uttered to herself, huffing. “How pathetic of me to let this happen.” Gingerly flexing the fingers of her left hand, she lightly winced as white hot electric spikes shot from her nerves. “Hisa-nii’s surely laughin’ right now n’ callin’ me an idiot. He n’ Jun would’ve read that move a mile away…”

“Oh? You still wanna go?” Ran glowered at (Y/N)’s ragged form. “You’ll die, y’know.”

“If I had 500 yen every time I heard that…” She looked up at them with a determined grin. “Yet here I still stand.”

“(Y/N)-chan! Please!” Angry panted, struggling to get up off of the ground with grunts of effort. “You’ve done enough!”

“You should listen to your friend there,” Rindou sneered. “Don’t wanna end up like Mitsuya now.”

The moment her boyfriend’s name let slip, something inside her snapped.

“You…” She calmly spoke in a low voice and maliciously glared with wrath swimming in her now matted orbs. “Keep. His name. Out. Of Your. Dirty. Mouth.”

Rage coursed through her veins as she let the obsidian flame burn inside and explode. Every little movement heightened her fight senses, making her mental state unhinged. The piercing stare she gave the enemy sent an unsettling chill down their spines, as if they were seconds away from being mercilessly slaughtered if they were to blink.

This was her inner darkness; some called it a “dark impulse.”

The last time she let this run wild, she sent five people to the hospital; two of which were on feeding tubes for close to a month from breaking their jaws into two parts. The throbbing pain in her left arm was now numbed by adrenaline. The aura she exuded made some Tenjiku members slowly back away, like prey sensing a predator nearby. The older Haitani noticed the change and felt his stomach tighten a little.

“Rindou… Be careful.”

As the younger Haitani charged, (Y/N) immediately reacted with a roundhouse kick to the right side of his face the moment he was in range and made a beeline for Ran; the impact slamming his baby brother to the ground with a heavy thud. Not expecting how fast she’d become, the twin braided man panic guarded with his arms loosely, only to have it broken with her sharp upward heel thrust. The speed of the hit grazed his chin and drew blood. Had he taken that head on, he would’ve certainly been knocked out cold.

She persistently charged at the baton wielder with a flurry of punches and feints, with Ran barely managing to dodge most of them and ended up taking four hard blows to his rib cage and stomach; he was sure there were hairline fractures on his ribs from the last hit. Trying his best to guard through the assault, he felt his right humerus vibrate when her fist came in contact; the shockwave of discomfort and sharp stabs affecting his nerve endings.

Rindou came from behind with an attempt to subdue her, only to be flipped onto his back by having his power used against him, nearly breaking his wrist. The force of her throw felt stronger as the younger Haitani felt his breath leave his lungs when his back hit the ground. The exchange of blows went on with neither party backing down.

The deciding factor was a lucky hit from the tip of Ran’s baton to her jawline, sending a shock wave to her nervous system. Her legs instantly went limp and fell onto her knees. Rindou took the opportunity to hold her down in a joint lock as Ran slowly approached her.

“Man, you sure made us break a sweat,” the older brother gasped and smacked her across the face with his weapon, letting out a breathy grunt from the impact. A sadistic, satisfied grin splayed across his lips.

“You’re strong. I’ll give you that.” He hit her again with a dull smack. The taste of warm iron filled her mouth as her vision started blurring from crocodile tears, raggedly huffing. All she could feel was the bitter sting of her face while fatigue and pain flowed through the rest of her muscles. “But you’ve certainly entertained us.”

“Stop!” Angry cried as Ran smacked (Y/N) in the face with his weapon a third time. “That’s unfair!” Feeling tears prickle his eyes, the younger Kawata started bawling his eyes out and asked the dummies to stop. His random outburst was more than enough to stop the brothers’ assault, saving her life. Angry stood back up in a trance, uttering “I’m sorry big brother… I broke the promise…”

Rindou reminded Angry of his broken limbs, to which it seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. Feeling the similar instinct from when they fought (Y/N), Ran warned his brother once more; the younger Haitani rushed in to tackle the fourth division captain by his mid section, only to realize he didn’t move a single step.

“The last time I cried was in fourth grade…” the crying ogre reminisced. “The next thing I knew, everyone was taken down… Then big bro told me not to cry again. ‘Cus if I did…”

“Rindou! Get outta there!” Ran shouted.

“You’ll turn into a murderer.” Angry finished his story and knocked out the younger Haitani with one straight punch. Seeing his brother’s unconscious body, Ran lost track of where the younger Kawata twin went, only to have him reappear behind him. His punch connected with the older Haitani’s temple and took him down in a second. The Haitani brothers were defeated by Kawata “Angry” Souya, the vice captain of Toman’s fourth division.

“Shit, dude…” (Y/N) huffed out from the ground and let out a raspy chuckle, spitting out some blood on the ground and coughed. “If you were that strong from the start, I wouldn’t have stepped in.”

Mochi stopped his fight with Chifuyu midway when he realized the Haitani brothers were instantly defeated. Strolling over with purpose, he tried to rouse the brothers from their current state to no avail. The first division vice captain called him back, restating he was his opponent, the Heavenly King ignored him and went straight for Angry, claiming he can beat him solo. In a single flash, the Blue Ogre put his fist to the side of Mochi’s head, instantly K.O.ing him.

“So, who’s next?”

Having knocked out two Heavenly Kings, morale in Tenjiku slowly shattered, calling the fourth division vice captain a monster. Mucho strolled over and stared him down nonchalantly.

“So you’re Toman’s dark horse, huh.” Toman’s former fifth division captain approached Angry and gripped the sleeve of his uniform. “I won’t go easy on you.” Executing a judo throw on the vice captain, he managed to reverse it on the tall muscular man by flipping him over and crushed his leg right on his jugular. The last Heavenly King landed on the top of his head, his consciousness instantly fading.

Such is the power of the Crying Blue Ogre, having crushed half of Tenjiku’s forces instantly.

---

Taglist: @netzukochannn @toobsessedsstuff@owiee12 @wakasasucker @ilykii @contreviva @crowbird @mor-pheus @yourrdarling

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scrappy-appy · 3 years

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I know all animals are individuals, but as far as general behavior goes, what are the biggest differences between donkeys and horses? I've heard donkeys are a little less prone to an immediate flight response, and that they kinda like to watch and think about stuff before reacting. Are there any differences in their social behavior?

Man this is such a hard thing to summarize!! I've only worked with a few donkeys in person but I've been studying them for a couple years now and I think donkeys are close enough to horses at a glance that a lot of people are kind of lulled into thinking they're really similar, but like... there's so many differences. 1st off... yeah. Donkeys are FIGHT animals, not FLIGHT animals like horses. If you put a strange dog in with a donkey, you'll notice the donkey square up to the dog and even possibly charge and attack it. These guys are built to RUMBLE and they won't tolerate predators in their area unless you condition them to, or they are cowardly as an individual. This makes donkeys great livestock guardians! 2nd of all, YES! They tend to freeze when encountered with a new situation and it takes them a lot of time to think it through. This can be very frustrating if you've been working with horses because horses are instinctual, but donkeys really.. aren't. You can't make them do things or get quick results. I've found that what works for me is just doing short quick sessions everyday - that way I get a quick training session in, but donkeys are smart enough that they will get things really well over time. Donkeys don't need repetition in their training like horses do - once they have it, they have it. They won't forget easily. In fact, repetition bores them. They need new things. 3. Donkeys can and will tolerate a LOT that they aren't comfortable with, and tolerate a lot of pain before they show it. Horses can't. It is VERY hard to tell if a donkey is sick because they don't act any differently until they're very sick. Horses it's easier to tell. Also if a donkey feels as though you are asking for too much, they freeze, but they do tolerate it. 4. Play! Donkeys play VERY rough, taking their friend's necks in their jaws and biting down and going for their legs. This looks like real fighting but is actually just healthy play behavior - they need a buddy that can play rough like they do! This is ultimately the thing that made me list Floppy for sale, even if I don't end up selling him - he isn't getting any play right now from my horse and I think it's not healthy for him. Donkeys NEED play.

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5. Snuggles. Listen, I love horses, but even an affectionate horse doesn't actually love you. It sees you as a positive source of food and scratches and other positive things, and while it might LIKE you FOR providing those things, it can't love you like a donkey will love you. These guys are HIGHLY social animals, and while horses are herd animals and like their buddies around to make them feel safe, donkeys actively create and maintain social bonds and friendships more like dogs do. So donkeys will actively come up and cuddle you and interact with you more than horses do, as they are working on a social bond. Horse girls, read 'em and weep. This isn't anthropomorphizing, either; they are just incredibly social animals.

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6. Lying down. I don't know if this is a real thing or just my observation, but I see donkeys laying down and taking dust baths WAY more than horses do. Stick a bunch of sand in a pasture to make a hill and not only do you have a great playground for your donkeys but also a perfect spot for dust baths. 7. Slow mode. Donkeys eat slower, learn slower, and in general do everything slower than horses do - both because of their intelligence, but also to gain the most/conserve the most energy. They are desert equines and in a place where food can be scarce and not much is too green, they need to get the most nutrients out of things and waste the least energy. They'll still go when they wanna go, though. Just a matter of figuring out how to ask. 8. Opinions. A donkey has opinions about everything, and when you train them, you have to have more of a conversation to convince them why they should. With a horse, the logic might be, "Well, you have to do this, because I asked you to. " with a donkey, the logic has to be, "Okay, well this thing is physically safe for you to do, doesn't require a lot of work, and afterwards you can get lots of scratches and cuddles." Because again, the ultimate reward for donkeys is attention and cuddles. Lots of people also do this with horses, but with donkeys it isn't optional. It is mandatory, and has to be more thorough. I'm trying to think of other things but there's honestly so much!! My donkey is a bit of a coward and a little more stoic than most (not as playful and can spook and run from things) but for the most part this applies to most animals. Anyways I am not a donkey expert so take everything I say with a grain of salt, these are just things I noticed. You can find more information at The Donkey Sanctuary website. They do a lot of great work with the animals and know way more than what I possibly could!

#donkey #donkeys #long post

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st-just · 2 years

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I've been out of the loop and I'm not in the area but what is this whole truck convoy thing even about? Any links you could share or at least a summary on your part? I'm really confused and when I tried to look it up I keep getting news articles updating on recent events regarding the convoy rather than the point or origin of the thing. All I know is there's a bunch of people with trucks and a lot of people don't want 'em there and I'm expecting to hear more cases of people getting run down because when people decide to do things like this in vehicles lately they usually have very little restraint in the "not running people over" department

Oh I'm about 3 provinces away from being 'in the area' too*, and I'm nothing like an expert, but in terms of the general understanding I've picked of from skimming over the news every day

-Trudeau announces vaccine mandate for all long-haul truckers -A certain fraction of said truckers really, extremely unhappy about this -Organize a 'convoy' to drive to Ottawa and loudly register their unhappiness with government -As they organize and start driving across country, become sort of cause celebre and organized political wing of anti-vax and general anti-public-health-mandates sentiment across country, scope of demand slips from anything about trucking to 'make the country normal again' -At the same time, becomes increasingly clear that a decent number of people involved in that convoy have, well, the sort of politics one might expect from a rightwing-tinged anti-vaccine movement. One(?) organizer memorably called for the governor-general and senate to launch a coup and arrest the cabinet to restore constitutional government. -So, as they arrive in Ottawa there's a lot of worries that it's gonna be a Canadian Jan 5th, they're going to try and storm parliament, etc. -Despite this, the local police took what you might call an extremely hands off approach. -They didn't try and storm parliament, as it happens, but they did seize a vacant lot to set up a campsite, and basically started occupying centretown (it doesn't actually take that many big rig trucks to totally shut down a city center) -They've been there for two weeks and change, now. The police still haven't done much, the popular explanations I've heard for which vary from 'cowards' to 'playing chicken for a budget increase' to 'openly support the truckers'. In any case, the inaction's sufficiently unpopular that the police chief got fired over the weekend. -No actual, like, street violence AFAICT, but a lot of vandalism, property damage, confrontations with locals, one assumes hell on the roads, etc. Still, like, generally peaceful so far. -The Tories have generally come out in support of the convoy, with O'Toole's lack of a firm stance meaning he finally got deposed. Poilievre, the (IIRC) only currently announced candidate/frontrunner to replace him is especially very loudly pro. -At a certain point allied groups of truckers also started blockading border crossings into the US, most prominently the one in Windsor through which like a quarter of the country's exports run. Because the modern logistics system is an intensely efficient and thus incredibly fragile machine, this led to major auto factories suspending operations for lack of parts like 24 hours in. (also two other border crossings out west, IIRC?) -You may be surprised to learn this got a faster and more effective government response. Also what must have been a really awkward phone call between Trudeau and Biden. -So the police in Windsor actually did clear the blockade over the weekend IIRC, and also Trudeau's followed his dad's example and invoked the Emergencies Act. Which, I'm not sure whether it's had any practical consequences yet, but. -Oh, also, people at the crowdfunding sites the convoy's using keep leaking the data, so everyone's having a field day going over where the money's coming from and all that. IIRC it's something like half from the states, which is actually less than the 'this whole thing is an American astroturf' people were expecting.

But yeah I'm nowhere near an expert and probably got several things wrong, but that's my general impression of it, at least.

*There's been sympathy, like, drive-and-honk-your-horn protests through town here the last couple Sundays, but only a couple dozen vehicles so never more than loud, really. Oh, and the province just preemptively made blocking highways illegal as soon as this started. That's about it for local consequences for me.

#reply #politics #canadian politics #canada

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givemeweasley · 3 years

Text

First Things First pt. 2

Fred Weasley x Reader

Word Count:8.8k

Warnings: hella fluff, and ooey gooey romance, and then some angst (I couldn’t resist)

A/N: here's part two! Hope you enjoy!

First Things First pt. 1, First Things First pt. 3

-----

You remembered the first time you told your friends back in the States about him.

After about a million rounds of hugs the lot of you had settled down around your bedroom. You and Louisa were sitting on your bed, Danny sitting reverse in your desk chair, Thomas claimed the bean bag chair as soon as he walked in the room, and classic Iris who had opted to sit on the floor and lean against the wall. The familiarity of it all felt wonderful. Yet, almost new. You hadn’t seen them in a year, things had changed.

Once everyone was settled, the questions shot out at the pace of rockets. You could barely hear who they were coming from.

“What’s Quidditch?”

“How’s England?”

“What’s Hogwarts like?”

“Are there really prisoners running loose?”

“Did you see a dementor?”

“Did you almost die?”

“What are their houses?”

“Can you understand anything they say?”

“Are the boys cute?”

At that everyone shut up, glaring at Thomas.

He lifted his hands in defense and shrugged. “What?! Don’t act like we weren’t all thinking it!”

Like that instantly reminded them all of something, they shared a look before they all glanced at Iris.

She raised a brow. “I’m not surprised you bunch of cowards. I thought you were Wampus’?” She rolled her eyes before looking directly at you and smirking. “So who’s Fred Weasley?”

Your jaw dropped. You could’ve heard a pin drop in the room as all your friends stared back at you. Clearing your throat you answered, “He’s a friend of mine.”

Danny chuckled. “A friend? Is that what you ‘em in England?”

You crossed your arms, but Louisa nudged your sides. “Come on, Y/N! Tell us everything!!”

Whatever reserve you had had about saying anything, much less admitting it to yourself, dissolved with Louisa’s urging. You pulled your sleeves down until they curled around your palms. “Well, you already know his name.”

Louisa squealed, clutching your arm excitedly. She immediately got hushed by everyone else in the room.

“Um.” You furrowed your brows looking between all our friends. “I don’t really know what to say, honestly.”

“How about you start with how you two met, kid?” Danny smiled softly crossing his arms over the top of the chair. You huffed a laugh.

“Yeah. I suppose that’s a good place to start. Well, we met on the train to Hogwarts. It’s called the Hogwarts Express-”

“They get a train?!” Thomas shouted from the beanbag. A quick glance told you your other friends shared your sentiments. You had forgotten the stresses of using a portkey to get to school. A shiver went down your spine before you continued.

“Yeah, it’s pretty nice too. They come by with a food cart around noon that has all sorts of treats-”

“Fred?” Iris raised a brow.

“Right. Well I found an empty car and sat down. He and his brother, George, and their friend, Lee, found me and wondered if they could join me since the other train cars were full.” Louisa awed from beside you. “Well at first I was so stuck in my head that I didn’t say anything so they almost left, but then I remembered I had working vocal chords and responded. That’s when they realized I was American.” You found yourself fondly rolling your eyes at the memory. “They then proceeded to pelt me with questions for the next several hours. Hm. Almost reminds me of some other people I know.” Giving a very pointed look at the four friends around you. But instead of guilty looks, they were all smiling, besides Iris who looked vaguely amused.

“What then?” Danny urged.

“Well, then I got sorted into the same house he was in. And no, Louisa, it was not love at first sight.” You said, noticing her hopeless romantic look. “He’s an identical twin, remember? I could barely tell him apart from his twin.”

“What houses do they have?” Iris interrupted. That was just the sort of thing she would interrupt for.

“Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin.” Iris raised another brow, hinting that you should continue. “Gryffindor is the brave, Ravenclaw the wise, Hufflepuff the kind, and Slytherin the ambitious. That’s the best I can sum it up.”

“Hm.” She nodded. “Continue.”

“Right. Well. I got sorted into Gryffindor, which was his house. Then he and George called me over to sit with them and I did. Honestly, it was kind of history from there. They call me ‘Merica.” A small smile crept up on your face almost without your knowledge. “But there were lots of things we did. We had detention together.” You glanced up at Danny seeing his head thrown back in laughter. “We ate breakfast together every morning, had classes everyday, went to Hogsmeade-”

“Hogsmeade?” Louisa spoke up again.

“Oh- uh- it’s a little wizarding town outside of Hogwarts. We get to go there a couple times a semester.” Louisa nodded. “Anyway, there were lots of little things I think that we did together. Although a lot of the time we did them with George, Lee, and Angelina.”

“When did you know?” Thomas said grabbing the bean bag and dropping it a few feet closer to the bed before plopping down in it again.

“Know what?”

“You know, like, know.” Thomas winked dramatically.

“Oh-oh. Um.” You leaned back against your headboard. Was there a specific moment? “Well, I think I first started to-” You cleared your throat, “like him when I first got your letters at Hogwarts. It was probably a month or two into school and I was opening them before our Hogsmeade trip. I was- sad. I read Danny’s letter first and it reminded me how much I missed you guys. Fred sat down across from me and instead of saying any bullshit like it’s okay or I’m sure they miss you just as much or you have new friends now, he said well then, it’s a good thing we’re going to Hogsmeade today so we can buy them a couple of souvenirs to send back. I don’t know.” You looked down at your comforter and traced the pattern in the cloth. “It was just exactly what I needed to hear.”

“You can tell Fred I loved those Dungbombs.” Danny smirked.

“Tell him yourself. You have paper and quills.” You smirked back. “But-” Turning back to face Thomas, “I think I knew when I had to leave for the end of the year. Something about not being around him all the time made me realize holy shit I want to be around this buffoon all the time!”

With that you looked over to Louisa who was dabbing at imaginary tears, Thomas had his hand clenched over his heart, Danny was just shaking his head with a smile, and Iris was actually smiling.

Iris looked over to Danny. “Kids in love.”

You grabbed a pillow from behind her and chucked it at her. “Am not!”

“Sure. Sure. Whatever you say, kid.” Iris laughed as she caught the pillow and tucked it under her arm.

“Last question.” Louisa placed her head on your shoulder. “What does he look like?”

Hm. Good question. Your mind took you miles away and weeks ago as you waved goodbye to him on the Hogwarts Express platform. “Bright red hair that brushes his broad shoulders. He’s really tall too. Soft brown eyes. Muscular arms and a really warm smile.”

The room had quieted once again. You hadn’t realized you were staring off into space blushing until Danny spoke up breaking the silence looking at Iris.

“She’s in love.”

You flopped back onto the pillows and threw your arm over your eyes.

“Guys!”

But their laughter and teases had already overtaken your voice as the rest of them piled onto the bed on top of you.

You couldn’t help but smile underneath the weight of them and the thought that they were probably right.

-----

You remembered the first time you stayed at the Burrow.

Your mom had driven you to the Burrow early in the morning and parked around a hundred feet away from the front gate. You both walked to the front door, your suitcases in your hands, your football (and one extra for Lee) under your mothers arms. You set your suitcases down and knocked on the door.

If it had been quiet before that, all hell broke loose at the sound of your knock. You heard vague sounds of griping and fighting, before the door was wrenched open by who you assumed was Mrs. Weasley. Your first thought was she looks like the kindest woman I’ve ever met. It made you wonder what Fred and George and even Ron whined so much about.

“Oh! You must be Y/N and you must be Mrs. Y/L/N! Come in, come in!” She waved you both into what was the most out of order, magnificent, mismatched house you’d ever been in. And you couldn’t wait to stay. Mrs. Weasley hurried you both over to the chairs at the table before flicking her wand. You and your mom sat down before two cups of hot tea came flying (not spilling a drip) and landed on the table before you.

It was right at that moment that two boys came crashing down the stairs. Your head twisted to see Fred and George laying on top of each other in a weird pretzel at the base of the staircase. They both scrambled to get up and make their way over to you.

“Boys, be gentlemen and take Y/N’s stuff up to Ginny's room.” The boys looked at each other and then back to their mom.

“But mum-”

“Ginnys!” She raised her voice the slightest bit and gave them a smile you recognized seeing on your own mother several times before. The one that garnered zero arguments. Hearing them sighing, you placed your tea back down on the table and stood.

“I’ll go help them, if that’s alright?” Your hands were clasped tightly together. You didn't want to offend Mrs. Weasley your first night here. You could hear the twins grabbing your suitcases from behind you.

“Of course, dear. It’ll give me a minute to talk with your mum.” She gave you a kind smile which alleviated some of your nerves as you pulled the footballs from your mothers grasp and followed Fred and George upstairs.

As soon as you hit the second floor, Fred grabbed your arm and pulled you into a room. They both dropped your suitcases and threw their arms around you. The footballs fell onto the floor as you wrapped your arms around the both of them.

“Missed you, ‘Merica.” George mumbled.

“Things have been boring around here.” Fred smiled pulling back. You tried your best to conceal the blush that threatened to make itself more known than it already was.

After they both let go, it gave you a chance to see their room. You knew it was their room the minute you saw the mess. Papers of what you assumed were plans for joke shop products were scattered everywhere but mostly concentrated on the desk. Their beds were littered with a few of those test products that you had been on the receiving end of a few times. Your eyes lifted back to the boys.

“I’ve missed you guys too.” You bent down to grab your suitcases, but Freds hands snatched them out of your grip. “But your mom is going to hate me unless you take me to Ginny’s room.”

“No she’s not.” George rolled his eyes but squeezed past you and into the hall. You followed him, leaving the footballs in their room. “We’ve told her too much about you and how you’ve tried to get us to stop doing pranks-”

“That’s not true-”

“She doesn’t need to know that.” Fred whispered in your ear from behind you, causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. His head appeared next to your shoulder as he followed close behind and winked.

“Stop that!” You swatted at him, but he had already moved laughing as you missed.

“And here we are.” George led you into Ginny’s room and Fred followed before placing your suitcases on the floor.

“Where’s Ginny?” You asked, turning to the twins.

“Down at the lake with Ron. We were gonna go join them but then Fred here remembered you were coming today, so we decided to wait.”

“How sweet.”

“Well get dressed so we can go join them!” Fred called as he and his brother left the room, shutting the door behind them.

As soon as you heard the click you plopped down on the nearest bed. Your heart felt as if it was about to beat itself right out of your chest. You could practically hear it. For a moment you wondered if Fred could.

And then you realized you were being paranoid. You shook your head trying to get your mind off the way Fred’s arms felt around you. Strong. Comforting. Warm.

Those could’ve been George’s arms.

With that, you stood up and quickly got changed into your swimsuit and grabbed a towel. Holding it over your body, a little self conscious, you poked your head out the door. Seeing Fred leaning against the wall in nothing but swim trunks almost made you fall flat on your face, but luckily you caught yourself on the door frame.

You cleared your throat as you walked out and closed Ginny’s door behind you. Fred looked up. You couldn't have been lying to yourself as you saw a faint flush light up his cheeks as his hand lifted to rub the back of his neck. The tension only seemed to build as neither of you spoke.

Finally you managed to choke out, “so where’s George?”

A light seemed to go off behind Fred’s eyes as he straightened and shook his head. “Oh- um- George. Right. He- uh- he already left to go to the- uh the lake. Said he got tired of waiting.”

You nodded. “So are you ready?” You asked taking a step closer to Fred. He choked and stumbled backward grabbing onto the wall.

“Yeah- uh yeah!” Abruptly, he turned around and made his way down the stairs. You stood there for a second thinking about what just happened before shrugging and following him down.

“Oh there you are sweetie!” Your mom smiled standing by the door. “I was waiting for you to come down so I could say bye.”

You strolled to the door and hugged your mom tightly. “Love you, mom.” She kissed you on the head.

“Love you, too. Have fun and treat Mrs. Weasley with just as much respect as you would your father and I.”

“Yes ma’am.” Giving her one last hug, she walked out the door and to her car. You watched her at the door as she drove away.

“I’m really excited to have you here Y/N! Your mum is a kind woman.” Mrs. Weasley said from behind you.

You turned and smiled at her, nodding. “She really is.”

“Anyway!” Fred interrupted, grabbing your hand. “We’ve got a lake to go swim in! Bye mum!” Fred pulled you out the door and past the gate before you even had time to wave.

“Be careful!” Mrs.Weasley called out at the door.

Once you two were far enough from the house, you figured Fred would let go. But, he didn’t. You allowed your heart to expand just a little. He slowed his pace to a casual walk instead of the frantic run he’d started with.

The problem was he wouldn’t look at you. Actually, he seemed quite interested in anything that wasn’t you.

You stopped, half expecting his hand to leave yours as he continued walking. Instead, he jerked to a stop too once he realized your hand was tugging on his. You tried not to think about the fact that he was still holding your hand rather than continuing to walk on without it.

However, he still didn’t look at you. He only tilted his head in your direction, still facing forward.

“Are you mad at me?” You whispered laying it on thick, hoping it would do the charm. It did.

Fred’s eyes snapped to yours worriedly. “Mad? Bloody hell no. Why would you think that?” He asked, taking a step closer to you.

“Well you weren’t looking at me or talking to me, so…”

Fred ran his free hand through his hair and closed his eyes sighing. “I haven’t looked at you, because you’re killing me here.”

You took a step closer.

“How so?” You tilted your head innocently as you gazed up at his still closed eyes. At feeling your body heat, Fred’s eyes snapped open. He took a step back. This felt like a dance you only vaguely knew the steps to.

He visibly took a deep breath before shaking his head. “Forget it, let’s go before they start having all the fun without us.”

You let him pull you this time. A small hope blossoming in your heart and a secret smile forming on your lips.

-----

You remembered the first time you almost admitted how you felt.

Turns out Fred’s surprise was an invite to the Quidditch World Cup. Something he insisted was the very height of all world sports. You didn’t tell him you still thought Quadpot was better. You were appreciative either way.

The day leading up to the match was quite eventful. From the portkey that instantly took you back to America and Ilvermorny, to watching as Fred and George gambled away their entire savings on the game you were sure the game couldn’t possibly be as entertaining as everything around it. Especially not when Fred and George painted their faces in Irish colors.

“So you enjoying yourself?” George asked from beside you in the stands. Fred was on your other side not paying you a bit of attention as he took in every aspect of the general splendor.

Your eyes shifted to look at George who still had his eyes on the pitch.

“Yeah, I guess. Honestly, I’m just happy to be here with everyone.”

“How were The States? I don’t think I’ve gotten the chance to ask, with that one-” he nodded at Fred, “hogging all your attention.”

That sent a blush straight to your cheeks. It almost made you sick how often that was beginning to happen.

“I-”

“Don’t even try to deny it, Y/N. We all see it.” He nudged your shoulder with his. “Mum supports it wholeheartedly if that’s what you’re worried about.” Your jaw dropped at that. You quickly glanced to see if Fred was paying any attention, but his focus was still on the ads flashing before him.

“George- I-” You sat back and huffed. “How’d you know?”

He scoffed. “As if everyone couldn’t tell. You two are constantly making googly eyes at each other.” George leaned in close. “Fred wouldn’t shut up about you the first night after we met you. Kept raving like a madman about how pretty you were and how he wanted to hear about football and a million other American things.”

You had to keep from looking behind you at the boy who was the focal point of your conversation.

“What you are lot talking about?” Speaking of the devil, his head appeared over your shoulder.

You frantically looked at George hoping he would come up with some sort of-

“We were talking about how her trip back to The States was.” George replied leaning back in his seat. “Now focus, the game’s about to start.” You nodded way too energetically, and you almost thought Fred was going to say something about it. But he seemed to hold his tongue after meeting George’s eyes and turned back to the game.

“The Irish are gonna win. I’m sure of it.” He mumbled.

“You better be. You bet all your savings on it.” You whispered back a slight smirk on your face. Fred shook his head and opened his mouth to respond.

“Well if it isn’t another dirty mudblood in the stands.” A low voice hissed in your ear. Your head whipped around only to see Draco Malfoy sitting behind you, an evil little smirk on his beady face. You felt both the boys tense beside you as they both prepared to presumably respond. You immediately turned around and grabbed both of their arms firmly.

“We’re just gonna pretend he’s not here.” You whispered quietly enough you knew the twins would hear, but hopefully not loud enough Draco-

“I almost forgot-”

You muttered under your breath.

“How beautiful and kind hearted you are.” The shriek of indignation was a clear sign of it’s effectiveness. You smiled broadly as Fred and George both turned to you as Draco continued to mumble niceties.

“The hell did you do?” George laughed.

You shrugged. “Wandless magic. I call it the Sweetheart Charm.”

Both boys' jaws dropped. “You know wandless magic?!” Fred leaned in.

“Not strong magic, but it’s kind of an elective at Ilvermorny. A useful one apparently.” You giggled still half listening to Draco talk about how much he admired Harry Potter.

Fred huffed. “You could’ve told me that before I borrowed George’s wand to scourgify Snape’s classroom last year.”

You turned and nudged his shoulder with your own. “A good magician never reveals her tricks.”

With that, the game kicked off. Quite literally. The players took flight and from your mid-pitch seat you were able to see everything well enough. The excitement in the stadium was tangible. Both sides were rowdy and exuberant and became even more so as the game went on. Especially when the Veela and Leprechauns began to fight on the pitch.

Quadpot would never.

Finally, Victor Krum caught the Snitch meaning the game was over. And the Irish had won the World Cup. Fred and George jumped up throwing their hands in the air before Fred hauled you up with him and pulled you into his arms.

“We won!!” He shouted, smiling broadly. “We won!! That means we won our bet!!” Now that was something you could cheer for.

You screamed, throwing your arms around his neck as he picked you up. With your face pressed into his neck, you breathed in. He smelled like face paint, sweat, and a tiny hint of firework ash. You dug your face deeper never wanting to forget it.

Eventually he set you down, but his arms were still wrapped tightly around you. For a moment, just a moment, you contemplated leaning up barely a fraction of an inch to join your lips to his. You could feel his breath on your skin. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips as you began to rise to your toes.

“Fred! George! You won!” Ron shouted from below you. You two jumped apart as if you’d been shocked. You heard Fred clear his throat while you stood next to him trying to remember how to breathe.

“Yeah, Ron. We did!” He smiled but it looked more like a grimace. You should’ve known he was being weird when he didn’t immediately find something to tease Ron about.

After that, Mr. Weasley led you out of the stands and back down to your tent. For a while, you all stay out and celebrate. Shouting and screaming and laughing and just having fun. But there came a point where even you got tired and had to retreat into your tent. You practically collapsed on your bed after changing into sleep shorts and a random No-Maj band t-shirt. Sleep was instantaneous.

“Wake up! Girls get up!” You awoke to someone shaking your shoulders. Blinking rapidly, you focused on Mr. Weasley standing above you with a panicked look. “Get up!” He moved on from you seeing you were awake, to wake up Hermione or Ginny. You didn’t know. But the fear in his eyes made you roll out of bed and grab your wand.

Hermione and Ginny were both waking up looking just as frightened, shivering in their nightdresses as Mr. Weasley ushered you all out of the tent. All you managed to piece together in your terrified state was Mr. Weasley saying the woods and stay there. You barely registered as Fred grabbed onto Ginny and George grabbed onto you, as they whisked you into the forest.

Your bare feet tripped over souvenirs and sticks. You tried to ignore how it stung and how the bitter English cold bit through your thin t-shirt and shorts.

I am way out of my depth.

Fear trickled into every inch of your body as George kept tugging you into the forest. But you tripped. George lost his grip and in seconds you lost sight of him.

“Get up!” Someone yelled as they grabbed your arm and yanked you into a standing position. It took a second to see it was George who had come back for you. Relief flooded your system. Finally you both broke through the trees, but you had lost Fred and Ginny in the process.

George didn’t let up, he kept pulling you in whatever direction was away from the campsite. Your feet were definitely going to be cut up. You tried not to think about it even as tears poured down your cheeks.

After what felt equally like hours and no time at all, you both came to a halt. George pulled you into a sitting position behind a tree, you settled between his legs and his arms around you. Your heart was pounding. Your muscles were aching. You had never felt more ill equipped than you did at that moment. Even with being a witch.

“George, I’m scared.” You whispered so quiet you could barely hear it. It felt odd that the forest was so quiet. You could barely hear the screams and shouts coming from the campsite, whether that was a good thing or a bad thing you weren’t sure.

“Y/N,” You knew that voice. “It’s Fred.” His hand came up to tuck your hair behind your ear. His head resting on your shoulder. “It’ll be okay. Trust me.”

You leaned your head against his and closed your eyes. “Okay.” You tucked your knees into your chest and just waited. You could feel Fred’s chest heaving from behind you. It countered your own labored breathing. That one solitary fact provided the smallest bit of comfort. That he was breathing in while you breathed out. That he breathed out while you breathed in. It felt safe. You couldn’t describe it any other way.

Briefly, you thought back to what George said in the box earlier that day. You turned your head ever so slightly towards Fred. You licked your lips as if giving yourself just a second more before gaining the courage.

If the fear of death wasn’t motivation enough, you didn’t know what would be.

“Fred?” You breathily whispered.

“Yeah?” He whispered back.

“I have to tell you something.”

He let out a small laugh but it sounded so devoid of any humor. “Then tell me, love.”

“For awhile now, I’ve been-”

Green light flashed like lightning above you. You scrambled to your feet, Fred following, to see what it was that lit up the entire forest in an eerie green glow.

A snake coming through a skull.

The Dark Mark.

You stumbled back into Fred who caught your arm before you fell.

“Let’s go.” He mumbled before fiercely tugging you in the opposite direction of the mark in the sky. Fear rattled through your bones then.

Even as Fred tugged you through the forest, your eyes were on that Dark Mark in the sky. You didn’t know if you wished your parents had never brought you here or if you were glad they did.

-----

You remembered your first kiss.

The Triwizard tournament held more excitement for you than for most. It wasn’t because you could enter under the name of Ilvermorny (although you did consider it but you were a year too young). Nor was it because the prospect of spectating the tournament held a special excitement. It was because for the first time in your Hogwarts life, you were not the only foreigner.

French and Russian wizards and witches were now at Hogwarts which meant, for the first time, no one cared that you were the only American in a British Wizarding school. Your friends still called you ‘Merica, but that had never bothered you to begin with.

Everyone was instead focusing on the fact that Quidditch World Cup player Viktor Krum was in attendance at their school.

You, however, were using the time everyone was focused on stalking him to find some peace and quiet. The start of classes had been even more stressful than last year. You had gotten your OWLs back and had gotten ten total. Considering your aspirations to be a healer, you had no choice.

You had stopped studying in the library as Viktor had decided, for whatever reason, to make it his personal haunt. Meaning that there were always a gaggle of girls following close behind, trying and also failing at being quiet. Also meaning that you had to find a new study hole.

Instead of picking the obvious choice, the Gryffindor Common Room which always seemed to be bursting at the seams with signs and people chanting Harry’s name, you went with something a little more hidden.

The kitchens.

The house elves were friendly and welcomed you everytime you came in carrying your books and papers. They’d been kind enough to help you set up a little armchair in the corner of the room with a small side table next to it to lay your work on. It had been a life saver. It gave you an escape from everything and an opportunity to make new friends. Although the thought of slaves enjoying slavery sent a chill up your spine, but if you knew anything about Hermiones attempts at SPEW, it was better to leave the subject alone.

You’d been spending more and more time alone since returning to Hogwarts from the Burrow. Especially after Defense of the Dark Arts with Moody. The thought of that specific class made you want to hurl. Your boggart had been nearly unbearable.

The sight of your mother dead on the floor of the classroom had been nightmare material for the past month. You didn’t tell anyone, not even Fred you were having them. You just pulled back figuring that once everything stopped feeling so fresh and raw, you could talk about it.

“More coffee ma’am?” One of the house elves you’d come to know as Jippy held out a cup of pitch black liquid.

You reached forward taking the cup from his hands, breathing in the welcoming aroma.

“Thanks, Jips.” A broad smile overtook his big eyed face before he nodded and went back to work.

You continued to work through your Potions homework with the utmost concentration. The NEWTs class was indeed harder, and took up most of your studying time.

“There you are.” A voice called from across the room. Your eyes lifted, seeing none other than George Weasley strolling towards you with his hands in his pockets. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Who’s we?” You asked sitting up from your slouched position in the chair as George grabbed a nearby stool to sit on next to you.

“Who do you think?”

“Well is he wearing an Invisible Cloak?” You replied just as sarcastically.

George let out a small laugh. “No, we split up to cover more ground. He went to check the upper levels. If only we still had the Marauders Map.” He shook his head wistfully.

“What if I didn’t want to be found?” You lifted the corner of your mouth in an attempt at a smile, but he saw right through it. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and gazed sharply at you.

“Then I’d have to ask you why.”

You looked away unable to hold his stare. “George. I don’t wanna talk about it.” You hesitated. “I’m not ready to yet.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw George nod sadly. But he understood, you could tell. “Alright, Y/N.” He stood and pushed the stool back to its original position. “But you’ll find us whenever you’re ready to talk?”

You met his eyes and smiled softly. “Of course.” With that he nodded and began to make his way to the back of the portrait. “Wait!” You stretched your arm out as if you could reach him.

“Yeah?” He asked, glancing back at you.

“Don’t tell Fred about-” You waved your hands around you. “I wanna still be alone here.”

George nodded. “No problem.” And with that he stepped through the portrait and was gone.

You slumped on the chair, lifting the hot coffee to your mouth. All you could do was think. Think about nothing and somehow everything as the coffee stung its way down your throat.

It was past midnight a few nights later when you snuck out of the Gryffindor tower. The hood of your cloak was pulled over your head after you checked that the coast was clear. Quietly you made your way down to the Trophy Room on the third floor. It was the only place you could think that would have what you needed. The halls were dark and the only sound was your light footsteps on the stone. The light from the candles flickered as if they were minutes from going out. But you reached the room in enough time.

You closed the door quietly behind you once you reached the room and began to look around. The trophy room was almost always empty. Plenty of dark nooks and crannies within the cases and trophies themselves. The trophies themselves seem to stare at you from behind the glass of their cases, following you through the room, knowing what you were seeking. You slowly made your way around the room listening for any creaks or sharp noises.

“Lumos.” You whispered walking steadily through the room. The light from your wand caused shadows to stretch up to the ceiling. They leaned over you and stared down causing a sliver of fear to creep it’s way into your heart.

Finally, closer to the back of the room than you would’ve liked, you heard it. One of the bottom drawers in what looked like a dresser filled with cleaning supplies was rattling. You lifted your wand higher and whispered.

“Alohomora!”

The drawer snapped open as the boggart flew at you, almost causing you to drop your wand. You stumbled back into a trophy case before catching yourself. But that moment was all the boggart needed to shift before your eyes.

Your mother was clutching her bleeding throat, blood pouring down the front of her dress. Her eyes were desperate, until they focused on you. They shifted to burning rage as she stumbled forward choking out a few words as she stumbled towards you.

“You...disappoint...me. You’re no…daughter...of mine.” She choked out as you fell backwards onto your hands.

“Rid-R-Riddikulus!” You pointed your wand at your mother. But the boggart shifted into your father. Clutching his abdomen as blood poured out onto the ground.

“You did this.” He spat at you.

“No. No, Dad- I-” It shifted again into Danny.

“You abandoned me. Abandoned our school. Our friends. Our life. Don’t ever come back.” He lifted his hand which held a wand with a frightening look on his face as he shifted into Iris.

“I never liked you. You were always weak, too weak to be a Wampus. Too weak to even be called a witch, you mudblood.” She spat at you.

And then her face shifted into one much taller with flame red hair. The gentle brown eyes you’d come to love looked at you with utter loathing. You shook your head desperately wanting it to stop.

“You think I would ever love you? As if you’d ever be worthy of my time much less my affection. It’s hilarious to think I would ever want a vile creature like you.” You crawled backwards, scrambling to get away. Bumping into trophies and trophy cases as the boggart gained on you. Every shadow that had once seemed lifeless, seemed to peel off the walls before you, multiplying your fear tenfold.

This wasn’t real, you tried to remind yourself.

It’s not real. He’s not real.

“Not real, am I?” Tears spilled down your cheeks obscuring your view of Fred. But you could see the disdain on his face clear enough. “I’m flesh and blood, Y/N.” He took another step closer, you felt the sound of that footstep in your chest. “You have no future.” Another step closer.

“You will die alone.”

Another step.

“No one to love you.”

“Riddi-Riddi-Riddiku-”

“No one to mourn you.”

Another step.

“Bury your body.”

“No.” You whimpered, shaking your head frantically.

“You are nothing.”

“R-Riddikulus!” You shouted again with tears in your eyes. “Please!”

But Fred kept gaining on you, until his hand wrapped around the front of your cloak and hauled you close to his face. His brows were furrowed deeply, the lines around his mouth almost made it look like he was snarling. His eyes looked at you like he couldn’t even stand to touch you or even look at you. “I hate you.”

“Riddikulus!” A voice shouted from behind you. You fell to the floor as the boggart shifted into a firework before disappearing altogether. Sobs wracked your body as you laid crumpled in a heap. You heard footsteps gaining on you but couldn’t even bear to see who it was. Despite knowing the answer.

“Y/N?” A hand gently laid on your back. The flinch that followed couldn’t be helped. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry.” He immediately whispered, lifting his hand. You heard a soft sigh before you felt hands softly grasping your chin.

Fred was kneeling in front of you with the gentlest expression you’d seen on him to date. And yet, you saw the deep pain in his eyes. One hand swept your hair back then moved to wipe the tears still falling from your eyes with his thumb.

“C’mere.” He opened his arms. He made no move to force you into his arms. For a moment, you hesitated. His words- the boggarts words- were still reverberating around your skull. But you needed him. Fred. Not- not- the Fred of your nightmares. So you crawled into his arms, still shaking.

His arms came around you immediately, rocking you both back and forth on the floor. He shushed you softly while running his fingers through your hair. Fred pressed a kiss into your hair before tucking your head under his cheek. But he remained silent. As did you.

Slowly but surely your breathing slowed. You leaned further into Fred’s embrace as if that was possible, relaxing your muscles a fraction.

He seemed to take that as a sign that you were ready. “Y/N, what happened?” His voice was soft in your ear. You lifted your hand and placed it on his chest. You felt the steady thrum of his heart, and it gave you just enough peace to answer.

“I’ve-” Your voice broke off, hoarse from trying to scream a spell that wasn’t working. “I’ve been having nightmares.” Your fingers curled into his shirt. “Ever since Defense Against the Dark Arts. I saw my mom.” At that it seemed like everything came spilling out.

“I’m so scared, Fred. That Dark Mark-” Fred’s grip tightened. “My grandfather died in the First War against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I didn’t know him, but my grandmother talks about it sometimes. It’s why we moved to America.”

“I didn’t know.” He whispered in your hair.

“How could you? I never told you.” You sucked in another breath. “I’ve been having nightmares about death. My parents dying, my friends dying, you dying. I can’t get it out of my head, and it just keeps playing on repeat like some horror film that only shows one scene. Maybe it’s the stress of NEWT classes, maybe it’s because I’m weak, I don’t know.”

Fred gripped your chin in his hand, turning you to meet his eyes. The softness was still there but it was buried underneath determination. “Y/N, listen to me very closely. No one is dying. We’re all here. We’re all safe. Okay?”

You nodded.

You desperately wanted to look away as you asked the next question, but Fred’s grip was firm. “How much did you see?”

His thumb brushed over your cheek. “I walked in the room when he said ‘not flesh and blood, am I?’ but it took me a minute to figure out how to get over to you.” There was real pain in his eyes as he spoke to you this time. “Y/N, I would never never say those things to you. They are simply not true.” Fred released your chin to tuck you under his own as he brushed back your hair. You wondered if it was more for you or him. “When you die, a long time from now, it will be surrounded by those whom you love and who love you in return. You will be missed for as long as the sky is blue and your children's children’s children will get to say they are a part of your family.” He pressed a delicate kiss to the crown of your head. “You are important. You are magnificent. Breathtakingly beautiful. And I-” He cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t know how to live without you anymore.” The warmth that bloomed in your chest dissolved every shadow in your soul that carried those fears. They were pressed and suffocated by the light that Fred was.

You leaned back to look him in the eyes. Your faces inches apart. Your hand reached up to brush his hair from his face and tuck it behind his ear. Instead of pulling it back, you slid it behind his neck. It wasn’t you pulling him or him pulling you, it was a tacit movement from both ends. And your lips met.

It felt like falling. The sky before you in shades orange to pink to yellow to blue. Like a sunrise on a beach. Morning dew in a quiet wood. Cold rain after a drought. All the best things the Earth had to offer were experienced in one moment. One person.

Your fingers tightened in the hair at the nape of his neck while one of his arms lifted to cradle your shoulders trying to pull you closer. As if somehow the two of you could become one and never separate.

His lips were soft and warm. Everything you knew him to be. They moved over yours gently, like he was afraid to break you.

Just as naturally as you two eclipsed, you pulled back. Your hand still wound in his hair, his still tightly clutching your shoulder and waist. The world could’ve been falling apart around you and neither of you would’ve noticed.

You began winding a piece of his hair around your finger. “How’d you know where I was?” It came out breathier than you anticipated.

“I left my sweater in the common room and saw the portrait shut behind you. I had a feeling I’d need my wand so I ran back up to my dorm to grab it before coming back. I knew Harry still had the Marauders map so I snuck up to his dorm to grab it before coming to get you.” He twisted a bit as his arm left your shoulders. He pulled out the map from his pocket and opened it, showing the two of your footsteps in the Trophy Room. You stared at the spot you two were intertwined on the map way too long to be considered normal, before looking back up at Fred.

“Thank you.” You pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Always, ‘Merica.” He whispered back, clutching you to his chest. “Always.”

-----

You remembered the first time you fought with him.

It had been several months since that night in the Trophy Room. But whatever you’d been hoping for when you left that room was not quite what happened when you actually did.

Everything went back to relatively normal. Forgetting the unspoken tension between you and Fred whenever you were next to each other or even remotely close. It took only a glance now for your heart to start pounding out of your chest as you were reminded of the feeling of his lips on yours.

You turned your head back to Professor Sprout who was going over the many uses of Moly.

“It’s most common uses are as a counteragent against a range of enchantments…” She went on as you scribbled the notes down. This was probably a plant you used in multiple antidotes if you wanted to work at St. Mungos.

You desperately tried to focus, but it was difficult when you could feel his eyes on you every five seconds. You quietly slammed your quill down before looking at him.

“What?!” You whisper-shouted.

Fred’s already wide smile broadened. “Nothing.” Then he turned to look back at Professor Sprout.

He was doing shit like this all the time. It was driving you up the wall. You couldn’t decide if it was because you were upset at the fact that nothing had happened between you, if he really was just being annoying, or maybe because he hadn’t asked you to be his date to the stupid Yule Ball. You supposed you should at least be glad your life had gone back to semi-normal. You’d stop shutting yourself in the kitchens (although you still made time to visit Jips). George, Lee, and Angelina practically cheered the next time you joined them in the library to study. Fred smiled secretly from his chair, that day, as you tried to avoid eye contact.

Shaking your head, you got back to taking notes. This was an important class that you needed to do well in if you wanted to get the job you dreamed of. Rolling your shoulders, you studied the Moly in front of you.

You tapped it with your quill before continuing to write.

“Taking enough notes, ‘Merica?” Fred whispered right into the shell of your ear. The shiver it sent through your body caused your quill to jerk across your page right through your notes. Your jaw dropped. Your notes were...legible at least.

You snapped your head to him. “Fred! What the hell!” You punched his arm.

He had the decency to look guilty. “Sorry, love. Didn’t think you’d react that way.” He scratched the back of his neck. A nervous tick of his, you’d come to realize. You hated how it stretched the muscle on his arm making it much more noticeable. Your eyes flicked back up to his. He was smirking, the prick. He knew what he was doing.

You huffed before turning back to Professor Sprout. “It’s fine.”

“You’re the best.”

“I know.”

You’d been walking back to the common room with Fred and George after dinner with Adrian Pucey grabbed your arm. You jerked to a stop as you turned to face him.

“Oi mate!” Fred shouted and stepped forward with a heated look in his eyes. “Bloody hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Let her go.” George seconded.

Adrian wasn’t looking at either of them though. He rolled his eyes before focusing back on you. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Can it not wait? I kinda need to study for-”

“It can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Did you not hear him? He said let her go.” Fred growled, stepping forward between you two. You laid a hand on his arm pushing him away gently.

“It’s fine. I’ll meet you two in the common room okay?” You smiled and he seemed to deflate as he furrowed his eyebrows. Nonetheless, he and George walked away (not without Fred huffing the entire way to the staircase).

You turned back to Adrian. “So?”

“Wanna go to the Yule Ball with me?”

Huh?

You glanced around for a moment, half expecting Draco or Pansy to jump out with a sign that says ‘Surprise! You thought a Slytherin would ask you??’ But no one jumped out. In fact the hall was pretty quiet.

“Y/N?” Adrian shuffled.

“Oh, um.” You paused. “I can’t. I’m going with-” with who? Fred? The guy who hadn’t asked you yet despite kissing you in the Trophy room months ago? “You.”

The words were out of your mouth before you could take them back. You looked up at Adrian expecting to see his face break out into a cruel laugh, but it didn’t. He just smiled.

“Cool, I guess I’ll uh come get you from Gryffindor Tower at like 7:45?”

You nodded mindlessly, still not believing you’d said yes. “Uh- yeah that works.” You lifted your hand, stumbling backwards towards the staircase Fred and George had disappeared up. “Alright- bye.” You spun on your heel and practically catapulted yourself up the steps.

You said yes. To Adrian Pucey. Because Fred hadn’t asked you yet. Despite the ball being only a few weeks away.

What did I do? You shook your head and almost turned back to tell Adrian you made a mistake, despite being at Gryffindor Tower. But bumping into a solid frame prevented you from walking in either direction.

Two strong hands grabbed you by your forearms steadying you. You didn’t need to look to know who it was.

“What did Pucey want?” Fred spat his name out like it was poison. You tried hard not to look guilty as you looked up into his eyes.

“He wanted to talk about the Yule ball.”

Freds grip tightened on your arms. “What about it?”

You sucked in a deep breath. “He asked me to go with him.”

“You said no.”

“No.”

Fred jerked back as if you’d stung him with nettle. “No you said yes, or no you said no.”

You pulled yourself out of Fred's grip, taking a step back. “I told him I would go with him, Fred.”

Fred had the nerve to look affronted. Anger swept over his features. For a brief moment, you were reminded of the face of the boggart. Yet even in Fred’s obvious anger, it could never compare to the deep loathing set in the face of his mimic.

“Why.”

You scoffed, crossing your arms. “Are you serious?”

“Obviously.”

“Because no one else has asked me, Fred.” You said his name with the same venom he addressed Adrian with. “The Yule balls only a few weeks away and I don’t want to go alone.”

Fred’s eyes softened as he stepped closer to you. “I would’ve-”

You pushed his shoulders as hard as you could, causing him to stumble back a few feet. “Then why didn’t you?! I was waiting! There was no reason to say no to Adrian, who has only ever been nice to me, when there was no guarantee that the guy I wanted to go with would even ask me if he hadn’t already.” Tears unwillingly built up in your eyes.

“Will you go to the Yule ball with me?” Fred asked, reaching out for you. You couldn’t believe your ears. The question you’d been waiting for for weeks and here he was asking you only minutes after you’d been asked by someone else.

You let out a loud humorless laugh, gripping your stomach as you doubled over. Nothing was actually funny, you were just in such a state of shock that it bubbled out of you in the form of laughter.

“We kiss. Never bring it up. Never do it again. Never say so much as the word kiss around each other.” Every word you took the smallest step towards him until you were standing a foot away. Yet somehow it still felt like miles. “And suddenly when someone else shows interest, you want to too.”

Whatever you said seemed to anger Fred even more than hearing you’d said yes to Adrian. His eyes narrowed into slits as he glared down at you. “You could’ve brought up that kiss just as easily as I could’ve, Y/N! Hell, you could’ve asked someone to the Yule ball instead of waiting for him to ask you!”

A part of you hated how right he was, but the other part just wanted to win the fight. “Well one guy decided I was worth the risk of rejection, while the other was apparently waiting for me to build up the courage to ask even though I’d practically handed my heart to him on a silver platter.” You pushed past him to whisper the password to the Fat Lady.

The portrait swung open, the Fat Lady doing her best to not meet either of your eyes. Your hand still gripping the frame you turned back to Fred. Tears slipping down your cheeks in waves now.

“You know, for a Gryffindor you sure are a coward.”

The portrait fell shut quietly behind you.

#Fred Weasley x reader #Fred Weasley #Fred Weasley imagine #fred Weasley fic #George Weasley #harry potter #Harry Potter fic #hogwarts #ilvermorny #First Things First #fw

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