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#but its genuinely better especially now that i understand things
mintleflower · 5 months
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ignore Rogier ok
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melzula · 1 month
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Okay I have an request
So like we are azula and zuko sister and we adored by both but like in the catacombs we choose gaang over azula and zuko of this and please can y/n x sokka and now zuko now wants to join gaang and yeah I am not good with words I hope u understand what I said😁
Y/n can be a firebender or non bender its ur choice anyway
a/n: okay so there’s a lot to tackle in this request which is why i chose to do it as headcanons so i hope you don’t mind !
summary: being the middle child isn’t easy, especially when your siblings are Zuko and Azula
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As the only non-bender and middle child of the royal family, you never felt like you mattered
You were the Black Swan of the palace, a disgrace to your father and his image
You kept to yourself, staying in the shadows and out of his way while your siblings took the spotlight
However, just because your father looked down upon you didn’t mean your siblings shared his sentiment
In fact, they adored you
Zuko was an attentive older brother. He let you follow him everywhere, defended you against anyone who dared speak badly about you, and was your shoulder to cry on whenever your father was feeling particularly cruel
He saw you for who you were, and who you were was an intelligent, kind, talented young woman meant to do great things in her lifetime
Azula, while being particularly mean to Zuko at times, never once treated you the way she saw her brother
Despite you being a nonbender, she surprisingly never speaks down to you or makes you feel less than
It could be because she doesn’t see you as competition as she does Zuko, or maybe she truly does just feel genuine sisterly love for you
Maybe it’s because whenever she felt your mother was unfairly favoring your brother over her, you were always there to assure her that she was a wonderful bender and just as important
Maybe it’s because sometimes she wished you could be her mother instead
Whatever her reasoning, Azula sees you as a comforting presence in her life. She seeks your validation constantly almost as much as your father’s, and she’d do anything to protect you and your honor
Things became worse for you when Ursa left. She could no longer intervene when your father felt like tormenting you, and your siblings knew better than to say anything in your defense. Shortly after her banishment, Ozai deems it best to send you away to the academy since he has no other use for you
Your departure is hard for both siblings. Zuko is gutted that he can no longer be there to protect you or look after you. Though she acts as if she couldn’t care less, Azula is devastated at your leaving. Her source of comfort is being ripped away from her, and she has no one to look out for her
At the academy you learn various forms of physical combat and weaponry wielding. You’re especially fond of using tanto swords in battle and they’ve become your weapon of choice when in a fight
Zuko and Azula send you letters during your stay at school behind your father’s back updating you about your home, their lives, and their annoyance of each other. You keep every single one they send, and it eases the ache of your home sickness
It’s also at the school that you learn of the Agni Kai and Zuko’s banishment. Your heart breaks for your older brother, and you’re devastated at the fact that you never got the chance to say goodbye and you may never see him again. He still sends letter for a time, but as the years pass they become less frequent and almost nonexistent. Azula’s letters follow the same path
Years pass and your father deems it time for you to come home. Now that you’ve made a decent fighter out of yourself he finds your worthy of being his daughter again
However, your stay is short lived. Azula recruits you to be part of her little team to capture the Avatar and your brother, and you don’t really have any other choice but to agree
You downplay how skilled you are in fighting so that she doesn’t expect much from you and force you to do too much of the work. You don’t want to go against her, but you also don’t want to have to fight your brother and your uncle
You also don’t exactly feel good about destroying the world’s last hope for peace
And that’s why, when the time comes, you choose the Avatar over your siblings
You’re tired of being pulled back and forth, of always being stuck between your siblings with no real purpose, of not being able to do anything for yourself
Zuko is astonished by your choice and conflicted. Just when he finally had found his way back into the family you chose to leave it. Why were you doing this? Why were you ruining everything?
Azula is furious. Your betrayal hurts worse than mother’s. You’d always taken her side, always comforted her and supported her, you’d always been there, and now you were leaving. How dare you leave her?
“You fool!” She’d cried, angrily sending a blast of blue flames your way knowing you wouldn’t be able to stop it. If not for Iroh, surely her strike would have ended you. The fact that your own sister was willing to hurt you for the cause was enough proof to know you were making the right decision
You help the Avatar escape and join his group, vowing to help them in any way you can to win the war. Your fighting skills and knowledge of the Fire Nation makes you a big help and they appreciate your assistance
It doesn’t take long for you to win their trust and acclimate into their group. You become fast friends with everyone, growing especially close to Sokka who may or may not have a huge crush on you
He definitely becomes your shoulder to lean on when things get tough, because he knows it can’t be easy for you to just leave all you’ve ever known behind. you struggle constantly over having to choose the Avatar over your siblings, but he constantly assures you that you’ve made the right choice
Least to say your departure makes Zuko’s return home even more conflicting and turmoil filled. How can he enjoy being back home when you’re not there to enjoy it with him? How could he be happy knowing his sister was out there risking her life to help the Avatar?
Your decision definitely inspires his own to leave the Fire Nation and aid Aang and his friends
Your abandonment of your siblings also fuels Azula’s descent into madness, fueling her fire to continue her mission to capture the Avatar
It’s a rough position you’ve found yourself in, but it’s not like your whole life hasn’t been you stuck in a terrible spot
Being the middle child is hard, especially when your siblings are Zuko and Azula
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lavendertales · 2 months
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SEÑORITA: Chapter 9**
pairing: Javier Peña x Murphy!f!reader
summary: you get Javier to open up about his life in Colombia. meanwhile, when Steve invites the whole lot of you to brunch, it becomes tough to keep your relationship a secret, especially when Javier's confession burns on the tip of his tongue.
word count: 7k
series warnings: reluctant friends to lovers, lots of playful banter, mutual pining, slow burn, secret relationship, filthy smut; lots of flirting, love confessions, mirror sex, cunnilingus & fingering, some dry humping , cockwarming, lil bit of praise kink & gentle dom!Javi.
A/N: so hiiii yes I am not dead, I am just not really posting anymore but I will see this story through. idk if this is as good as I'd hoped, but I do hope you enjoy it nonetheless 💕
AGELESS/EMPTY BLOGS & MINORS WILL BE BLOCKED!
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series masterlist | AO3
There’s loud screams all around him. Smoke, screams, and the unmistakable scent of death and despair, all around him.
Someone’s screaming for him. Saying his name on a loop. Javier, Javier, Javier. Followed by Javi. Then a toe-curling help me and please, and then—silence.
A silence so loud his ears are ringing and pouring blood.
Except when he looks around him, there’s blood everywhere.
Blood, mass destruction, and an impending sense of doom that no matter how far he runs, no matter what lies he tells, it never leaves him. It is then, in that very second as he’s looking down at the bloodied and bruised face of a woman he once thought he could be with and save, Javier realizes that sense of doom will never leave him. He will remain forever locked in its harsh and cold grip, forever followed by the inevitable shame and guilt, doomed to drown in them.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters. “’m sorry—I’m—I couldn’t—“
“Javi. Hey. It’s okay. Can you hear me? Javi. It’s me.”
His name on a loop, pronounced so carefully and sincerely, so rich with care and an almost soul-crushing sweetness, awakens him at long last. He’s disoriented as he looks around, his temples and forehead dripping with sweat. There’s a hand gently resting on his chest, steadying his heartbeat, and it’s then that Javier’s eyes come into focus and they see your face. And then slowly the realization that he’s no longer in Colombia, no longer surrounded by pain, comes into focus as well, and that he’s in his bed, next to the most wonderful woman he’s ever known.
“Are you alright?” you ask, gently rubbing his chest through the t-shirt.
“Yeah. I’m definitely better now.”
He cracks a reassuring smile and so do you.
“Nightmare?” you ask next.
Javier nods, rather hesitantly. “I was back in Colombia. In Bogota.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Upon noticing the hesitation on his face, you’re quick to add, “It’s okay if you don’t want to though. I don’t have to know everything about your past.”
Something about that feels oddly endearing; Javier hasn’t met anyone who has been as kind and understanding as you and for every genuine word you throw at him, for every gentle caress of his hand or his cheek, he feels his chest impossibly lighter, as if all the pain he has been carrying with him for the past few years is beginning to wear off at long last.
Though his tongue aches for verbal release, Javier isn’t certain that he wants to burden you with the horrors he had witnessed and done in Colombia. You are far too tame to handle such harsh realities, even if you clearly expect the truth and nothing but it.
“I did things I’m not proud of,” he lets out in a coarser than expected voice. “Terrible things. Either for information or out of… helplessness or desperation.”
You don’t say anything; you adjust your position so that you face him clearer, even in the darkness, and let him continue.
“I’m no saint, by no means. I guess sometimes I thought my actions were justified because the end result would be good. But it rarely ever was.”
And before he knows it, Javier is telling you the chapter of his life which he deemed closed some time ago, from start to finish: he tells you about him and Steve and how they worked together; he tells you about working with the most gruesome group in all of Colombia in order to get to Pablo Escobar; he tells you about Helena and how he cared about her and how he got her traumatized simply because he pushed her too much for information; he tells you of all the people he threatened, shot, of all the plans he made and failed, how he got the so-called promotion in Cali and how it meant that Steve was the one who ended Escobar eventually. By the end of it, it’s nearly morning and you’re cuddled at his chest, listening to him breathe and caressing his cheek.
“I appreciate you opening up about this,” you murmur. “I know it can’t possibly be easy.”
“It is. It feels easier with you.”
You smile, chastely kissing his lips. Javier’s chest rises and falls with each additional shaky breath he takes as he forces his mind to collaborate with his mouth in order to get out those pesky three words that have been pressing on his conscience for weeks now. Yet the way you kiss him tenderly and sweetly, as if to reassure him that he’s safe and sound from any harm in this world, it shuts him up real good.
His mother once told him that when he’ll meet someone special, he’ll know it and he’ll know just what to say and when. He was still a kid at the time and he dismissed his mother’s words, but now he feels them to be truer than ever.
“So if we were in Colombia,” you say suddenly as a smirk graces your lips, “would I be one of your girls?”
Javier turns to you, faintly amused. He cocks an eyebrow at you, his interest visibly peaked.
“What?”
“Would I be one of many girls that fall at Javier Peña’s feet? One of the lucky ones who get to go to bed with him?”
Something aches inside Javier as you pose that question. It’s a playful one and while you have no ill intentions behind it, it dawns on Javier that the idea repulses him on a certain level. The idea of you being just another pretty face to add to that seemingly endless list of conquests, another forgettable name on there… he doesn’t want that.
Especially not when the reality could not be more farther from the truth.
“No,” he responds, shifting closer to you and removing a strand of hair from your face. “No, absolutely not.”
You smile, somewhat confused. “Why not?”
“Because you’re—better. You’re—you’re everything, you—“
His heart starts pounding, his throat feels beyond dry and it feels as if there is a huge ball of fire in his chest, waiting to burst at the slightest movement.
“I—what?”
Tell her. Tell her now.
Tell her you fucking coward!
“We should get some rest,” Javier mutters, stroking your hair and coaxing you into his arms so that you fall asleep as soon as possible. Once you do, he finally exhales, still burdened and haunted, but much more secure in his decision to finally come clean to you tomorrow, no matter what.
Except that when tomorrow comes, Javier receives an unexpected invitation.
“You free in about two hours?” Steve’s voice asks through the phone, and Javier gulps out of instinct.
“Yeah, think so. Why?”
“How would you feel about having brunch with me and Connie?”
He falters, and it’s as if Steve can sense the hesitation on his part because he’s quick to add, “Hopefully my sister’s gonna be there too. Also Sylvie and her boyfriend Zack, they’re coming too. You know, my sister’s friends.”
“Right, yeah, I think she mentioned them at some point.”
“Yeah. I thought a nice friendly meal would do us all good. What do you say?”
Javier meets your face from the corner of his eye and notices the question written all over it. He shakes his head briefly, a little “I’ll handle this for us” sign, and resumes his conversation with Steve.
“Sounds nice, I’m in,” he tells Steve.
“Great. Just gotta call my sister now. Or hope to get in touch with her at least.”
“Just call her, I’m sure it’s gonna be fine.”
The moment he hangs up, he stares at you with the same guilty face he’s been having whenever Steve’s been around lately.
“You need to go to your apartment,” he tells you in a grim voice.
You frown. “Are you kicking me out?”
Javier makes a face. “No, of course not. But you need to go to your apartment because your brother’s gonna call you and you need to answer the phone.”
“I could be sleeping in. It’s Sunday, after all. I could’ve been out last night. Hell, I could’ve been with somebody. Maybe I was with Dean and we—“
“Okay, stop.”
You try not to smile seeing the bothered look on Javier’s face. Instead, you inch closer to him and wrap your arms around his neck.
“Aw, honey, are you jealous of Dean?” you peck his lips.
“I think we’ve already established that I was. But not anymore. I’ve got you, and he can go suck a lemon for all I care.”
You scoff, kissing him again, utterly enjoying the sensation of Javier simply melting into your arms, into the kiss you share.
“You really should stop with this because if you don’t, we’re gonna be stuck in here for the rest of the day, spent and sweaty,” Javier warns, to which you cock an eyebrow at him.
“Okay, so what did my brother want?”
“He invited us to brunch.”
“Us?”
“Well, me. And he should be calling you any moment, so if you could go to your apartment and answer the phone, I’d really appreciate that.”
“But I could be—“
“Please. For me?”
You roll your eyes, sighing. “Fine. You’re lucky I’m sweet on you.”
Javier presses a kiss to your cheek, stroking your hand.
“But we need to set up some ground rules for this brunch,” he tells you sternly.
“Rules? For what?”
“We said we’re not gonna tell Steve about us until we’re ready, and we’re not really there yet, so no sitting together, no touching, no looking at each other unless absolutely necessary.”
“Don’t you think that makes it more suspicious?”
“Hopefully not.”
You chuckle. “For someone who used to be a bad boy, you sure like setting down rules.”
“I’m just saying—okay, just—just go upstairs.”
“Ooh, yes, sir.”
He knows you’re joking; he knows you’re teasing him, especially in that falsely impressed and sultry tone of voice, and yet a part of him still twitches at the thought of you being so willing, so malleable and needy for him.
It’s a thought that will never leave his mind—or his body.
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The little bistro Steve chose—aka claims, because everyone knows Connie is the one who actually picked it—for the brunch is quite cozy: floral arrangements adorn the outside windows, little lights hang from the walls on the inside, and plenty of people buzzing and chatting, completely immersed in their conversations.
If he were honest, Javier preferred if the two of you showed up at this brunch separately—although in hindsight, that would probably raise more questions instead of burying them for good. But he still has a knot in his throat even when you assure him that nobody’s going to bat an eyelash and that they will all think you coming together here was nothing more but an act of convenience.
“I’m telling you, it’s fine,” you sneakily squeeze Javier’s hand. “Could you at least try to look less constipated? Just—you know, for at least an hour or two.”
Javier frowns at you, taking a deep breath and taking one last, long look at you, as if he’s trying to memorize every single detail about you. You crack a smile.
“It’s going to be fine,” you reassure him. “You care far more about Steven’s opinion than I do. I don’t care if he finds out.”
“I kind of do.”
“I know you do. And it’s so sweet. But so what if he finds out? I mean… what’s he gonna uncover? That his little sister is in the healthiest and best relationship she’s ever had?”
“With his friend and partner whom he particularly asked not to fool around with his little sister.”
“Javi, we’re not just fooling around.” After a pause, you continue somewhat concerned. “Are we?”
“No, absolutely not.”
“Then you shouldn’t worry this much.”
It’s quite astounding how fast you’re capable of calming Javier down with minimal effort. But it works, and when the two of you enter the place and take your seats at the table, greeted by the rest of the party, Javier breathes a little easier. He avoids Steve’s eyes as he shakes hands with Zach and Sylvie, guilt weighing on his conscience like the heaviest boulder. He tries his best in remembering your words that this isn’t about Steve, it’s about the two of you and your newfound happiness, but alas, he remains just a little bit stiff throughout brunch as conversation starts flowing between all of you.
On the brighter side, Javier smiles to himself seeing you and Steve engaged in conversation, laughing with each other. You’re sitting side by side to your brother, which means Javier is right in front of you and gets to notice the two of you mending your relationship.
Then he thinks again of how hopelessly in love he feels with you, how he has been for the past several weeks, if not more, and how it’s all happening behind Steve’s back. Maybe you were right, though; maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for Steve to find out at last. He’d find out that his little sister is happy, and that his best friend is content, at peace.
Would that be so bad?
And then he feels your foot rubbing against his, sneaking its way up, just in the slightest; he inhales a sharp breath, giving you a death stare, and he gets his answer.
Maybe it would be so bad.
“I hear you finished writing your book?” Sylvie asks you, redirecting Javier’s attention to the subject matter.
“I did,” you proudly say. “I need to do the final editing, run it by someone, but I’m pretty confident it’ll be out by next year. At least that’s the hope.”
“That’s so damn cool,” Zach says in between mouthfuls.
“Truly amazing,” Connie adds.
“I’m so proud of you.”
Everyone turns to look at Steve, who’s got the brightest smile on his face and his glass raised up. They all follow suit with the gesture, toasting your accomplishment as you stare at your big brother.
“Really, I am,” Steve goes on. “I’ve always been. Always thought you’re amazing. Much cooler than me.”
“By miles.”
The table laughs.
“But it dawned on me that I never really told you this. So… I want you to know that I am very proud of you, every day. And I love you.”
“Thank you. And I love you too.”
“Here, here!”
 The conversation begins to flow easily afterwards: Connie shares Olivia’s latest endeavors and how she started walking; Zach and Sylvie talk about their relationship and how it is to live together, to which you make a tasteful joke about her pretending to still live with you as well and how you and Zach basically share Sylvie; then Steve talks about work and how he enjoys it, being similar and yet different than what he used to do in Colombia. Javier remains silent during this portion, sipping on his black coffee and pretending not to feel your leg sliding up his.
“What about you, Javier?” Sylvie asks.
“What about me what?”
“How do you like it at the precinct?”
“It’s okay.”
You eye him briefly, affectionately rubbing your leg on his shin, concealing a smile as you see him squirm in his seat.
“Javi’s having a bit of a tough time adjusting,” Steve intervenes.
“It’s police work. It’s what I know, and it’s what I do.”
“It’s what gives you nightmares.”
Everyone at the table turns towards you, the same surprised look on all of their faces. You shrug, ignoring Javier’s deadly stare.
“And you know this how?” Steve asks reticently.
“By talking. By asking and by actually getting to know people, Steven.”
“Let’s move on, shall we?” Javier suggests.
“What do you mean?” Steve resumes, focusing solely on you. “I know people, I talk to them.”
You take a deep breath, maintaining a neutral tone even if your pulse increases rapidly.
“You refer to Javier as your best friend, but besides work, how much do you really talk to each other?”
“We talk.”
“Sometimes too much if you ask me,” Javier adds.
“Point is, he is my best friend.”
“Really? Did you know that he has night terrors? Not nightmares, terrors. And not every night, but he has ‘em. He mumbles and groans in his sleep, sometimes cries or even screams. He apologizes over and over to dead people, to you and to Connie.”
“Oh, Javi…” Connie mumbles.
“Do you know how I know this?”
There’s a lightbulb moment happening inside Steve’s head, and it is perfectly legible on his face as he stares at you, then at Javier, who gulps. Steve says your name, still processing, and it is only then that Javier stands up abruptly, his eyes shooting right at you.
“Can I talk to you for a minute? All the way over there?”
You raise your eyebrows, quite surprised, but nod and follow Javier all the way to the buffet table. You notice the little crease between his brows, the way he purses his lips and you can tell something’s making him uncomfortable. Suddenly the thought makes you feel guilty.
“Javi, I’m sorry if I crossed a line—“
“You thought at brunch would be a good idea to rub your leg against me? With your friends and brother right next to you?”
You furrow your brows, even more taken aback. “Okay, not where I thought this conversation was headed,” you confess.
“Tell me.”
As much as you’d like to deny it or pretend like it doesn’t affect you, Javier’s demeanor is getting through to you in ways you wouldn’t have thought possible; the way he’s being so adamant about his request, his voice low and husky—
“I thought it would be fun, yes,” you shamelessly admit.
“You gotta stop it because otherwise I might excuse us again and fuck you in that bathroom.”
Speechless, you stare at him, mouth ajar and heart pounding in your ears. You find yourself incapable of saying anything for the next few seconds, and even more shocking, you find yourself seriously debating Javier’s words.
“Don’t tell me you’re actually thinking about it,” he says.
“Don’t tell me you’re not,” you chuckle.
Javier huffs, frustrated to the point of taking his own words into consideration.
Except he is trying really hard not to be that kind of man and be more respectful and wary.
“Gotta be honest, I thought you were gonna be upset about me saying you have nightmares,” you mutter.
“No, I’m upset because you were rubbing up against me with your brother right next to you, and I can’t keep going like this. So either you tell him about us, or I do.”
You stare at him incredulously. “Wait, seriously? You wanna tell him?”
“I need a clear conscience. And I really need it so next time I fuck you, I won’t feel so guilty.”
You chuckle, stroking his arm. You’re fully aware that the gesture hasn’t gone unnoticed by the four people who are most likely still staring at you two, but all of a sudden, you no longer care. Javier is right; just as he doesn’t want to deny or hide it anymore, neither do you.
So when you return to the table, the perfect comeback is hatched from your brain.
“Sorry about that,” you smile, turning straight to Steven.
“What’s going on?”
“As I was saying, do you know how I know all of those things about Javier?”
“Don’t say it.”
“I’ve been spending the nights at his place. Every night for like three months now.”
Connie and Sylvie are the only ones smiling, except the latter is sipping from her cup of coffee with utmost interest.
“Three months?” Steven repeats. “So you chose to sleep with my best friend to what? To prove a point, to—to laugh in my face?”
“Neither. Actually, it did start as a way to get back at you. But as it turns out, he’s great in the sack.”
“As advertised,” Javier adds.
“And you wanted to skip brunch today,” Sylvie whispers to Zach, who’s watching the exchange as speechless as Connie.
“Don’t—“Steve shakes his head.
“Oh yeah, he’s fantastic. Knows his way around a woman’s body better than she knows it. I’m talking about waves and waves of endless pleasure.”
“I think I’m gonna throw up.”
“Actually, I think I might too. We haven’t really been careful, you know? It’s been a lot of sweaty, rough and yet so passionate—“
“Okay, stop! Why are you being like this? Both of you!”
You exchange a glare with Javier, both of you smiling at each other.
“Like what? Wild, unhinged?”
“Kind of, yes!”
“The way you’ve been treating me since I was 15? Which I haven’t been in years, by the way.”
“Please tell me you were using some form of birth control though.”
“Ew, shut up! Would you calm down already? We’re both responsible adults, we know what to do. Besides, we’re not just sleeping together. We’re going on dates and spending time together and… we like each other.”
“We’re not just fooling around,” Javier adds, unable to look away from you. “I’m in love with her.”
You stare back at him, ignoring Connie’s soft oh my God in your vicinity, even Sylvie’s I fuckin’ knew it towards Zach.
“Javi, it’s okay, you don’t have to—“
“I love her, Steve. And I did keep my promise to not fool around with her. What I can do is promise to keep her safe and treat her with respect and care.”
It dawns on you that this is the first time you’ve heard Javier say those words, and realizing he also hasn’t said them since his last real relationship. It’s a huge milestone in both your lives, and the fact that Javier chose this moment to confess makes you realize how much he must care about you.
“It’s true,” you add. “I—I love him too. I have for quite some time.”
“I fuckin’ told you,” Sylvie smiles. “I told you, and I knew sooner or later—“
“Not now, Syl.”
“Right, sorry. Continue.”
“Honey?” Connie presses her hand to Steve’s shoulder. “Don’t you wanna say something to them?”
“I’m really sorry, guys. I never wanted to… to treat you this way, to push you even further, sis. I guess I was just afraid that what Colombia did to me and Javier would be too much for you to handle. I know Connie got overwhelmed at some point. Rightfully so. But after all, I had her to come home to. Javier was… alone, and burying his problems in alcohol, cigarettes and random women. Relationships were out of question for him, and I saw what Colombia did to him overall, what all of that did to him. I didn’t want any of that for you. I obviously want you both to be happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. And I see you guys now being so happy with each other… it makes me happy.”
“We’re sorry we didn’t tell you earlier,” Javier says. “I guess we needed some time to figure things out ourselves.”
“Doesn’t matter now. Point is, I know my sister, she’s an amazing woman, and I—I missed the angle where that might be something good for Javier. Which it clearly is. And clearly he was full of shit when he said you’re not his type.”
“Just out of curiosity,” you intervene, “what exactly is Javier’s type?”
“The usual sexy, sultry woman.”
You raise your brows, to which Steve panics. “Not that you’re not! I mean, not that I think you as my sister are sexy… okay, this is weird, let’s move on.”
“Yeah, let’s.”
“I meant, you’re more the next door girl kind of woman, I suppose, and Javier usually went for the ‘right in your face sexy’ kind of a woman.”
“Relax, I know. I’m just teasing you.”
“Yeah, it’s what you do best.”
Everyone laughs, with Connie affectionately rubbing Steve’s arm.
“But listen, as glad as I am that we are talking about this and being open and mature about it, please do be safe, okay?” Steve says, and you make a face. “Also I know this goes without saying, probably—hopefully—but please don’t have a baby just to spite me.”
“Steven—“
“Please, I’ve learned my lesson, I swear. I promise I’ll be good! I’ll stay out of your relationship, just don’t—“
“Steven!”
“I’m not totally ready to be an uncle. I need to mentally prepare myself for a baby that’s half Murphy, half Peña.”
You roll your eyes. “Would you relax? We are not there yet. We may never be there. I don’t know. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but for now we’re good the way we are. Plus he’s teaching me Spanish too.”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
“But don’t worry, we only do it when I get a full sentence right.”
Seeing the scandalized look on Steve’s face, you burst into laughter, and the rest follow suit.
“I’m kidding! Oh my God, it’s so fun messing with you.”
“Something is seriously wrong with you.”
You can’t help but share the laughter with the rest of the company, never quite managing to capture Javier’s eyes in your direction, not even on the way home. It only hits you the weight of the words that had been hastily, yet calculatedly, been spilled at the brunch table among friends and family once you get the inside of his apartment. You look around, finally allowing the day’s events to hit you, and then you turn to look at Javier, a warm smile gracing your face.
He confessed to everyone present that he loved you, standing up to your overly protective older brother.
“What’s going on?” Javier asks.
It somehow still surprises you that he’s able to capture the concern on your face, even when it’s not there. You’re not concerned this time around. Quite the opposite; you’ve never felt more at ease and more impressed by a partner. Granted, not that you had many serious relationships in the past, but this right now with Javier, it has so much potential to be something grand that it astounds you.
“About what you said before,” you start, your heart thrumming in your ears. “At brunch.”
Then it hits Javier as well. He inhales deeply, steadying himself.
“Right. So here’s the thing,” he clears his throat. “I’ve only ever said those words once before, and as we know, it didn’t end very well. Okay, in all fairness, it wasn’t paradise city from the beginning, it was more of a masked—that’s not the point. Anyway—“
You conceal a chuckle, staring at him with anticipation and a warmth that exceeds any expectation.
“I’ve only said those words once,” he resumes, “and I did mean it at the time. But I wasn’t really… in love when I said them. It didn’t feel like it should. But now, I think for the first time in my life, I feel those words the way they should feel. I thought I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t do relationships because I suck at them and there was never any time back in Colombia but… I think I just needed to find my match.”
You take his hand into yours. “Javi…”
“I’m serious. I’ve never met anyone so witty and funny, so—so badass. Frankly you could probably kick my ass and I’d be hella turned on.”
You don’t stifle the hearty laugh that escapes your mouth this time, and it triggers the same reaction out of Javier.
“The point I’m trying to make is… I meant what I said. I didn’t just say it to shut Steve up. I—I do love you. The best that I can, which I don’t think is near enough to what you deserve, but… I’m trying to do better, to—“
You cup his cheeks, kissing him tenderly. Javier blinks surprised at you, and his flustered face with his big brown eyes is so sweet it weakens your knees.
“You’re doing just fine, Javi,” you reassure him. “Are you kidding me? You’re so attentive and sweet and—and I love you too.”
Javier blinks in surprise again. Somehow it slipped right by him that you could reciprocate his feelings, hence why he’s rendered speechless for several seconds.
“What uh—I mean… you do?” he finally asks.
“I do. I love you. I should’ve said it sooner, I think, after you turned my story into a book. That’s… kind of when I knew. I guess I chickened out.”
“You chickened out? Why?”
You sigh. “Because… I never said the words before.”
“Wait, you never said ‘I love you’ to someone?”
You shake your head, slightly shuddering. “Well, you know my dating history and patterns, so none of those boys stuck around long enough for me to actually develop real feelings. And there was never any real connection between us. All we really had—“
“Ah, okay, I can—I can visualize what you had.”
“Aw, honey, are you jealous?”
“No. Just… not really a fan of picturing you have sweaty sex with some douchebag.”
“How about if I have some sweaty sex with a very good man?”
Though his interest visibly peaked, Javier still gulps at the notion of being referred to as “a very good man”. It’s the lie he’s told himself countless times back in Medellin and Cali and Bogota, and the same lie he operated under with the hope of excusing his horrid choices. But to hear now as something factual, something that someone as wonderful as you actually believes in…
“You could,” he finally says, stepping closer to you.
His hands roam around your waist, teasing from the small of your back; shivers run down your spine, prickling your skin.
“Is this how you were with the women back then?” you dare ask.
“Why the sudden interest?”
You shrug. “Not sudden. I’m a writer. Everyone has the potential to be an interesting character. Besides, I find the Javier stories fascinating.”
“That so?”
“Mhm.”
“Well, that Javier isn’t really around. All he was good for was some fast and rough outlet for release and… not much more.”
“So I take it that dominant, needy Javier is gone?”
He raises his brows, chuckling at the way you’re sneakily handling him. A part of him still fears this power you hold over him, but a bigger part of him is thrilled even by the still of your hand, let alone the way you’re capable of handling him.
He’s never had that, he realizes; he’s never had a woman meet him right where he’s at, handle him like a pro and then some more, and he enjoys it far more than he would’ve expected.
“I meant gone as in… gone on a vacation, not dead.”
You smile, teasingly playing with the hem of his shirt.
“That what you need now?” Javier teases.
“I want whatever you’re comfortable with giving me.”
That’s what ultimately sets him off. So when he finally kisses you, it’s rugged, needy and asserting dominance, but there’s also something very tender in the way Javier is holding you, pulling you into his body. Javier’s sole focus right now is exposing more of you to him, feeling you as close as humanly possible; therefore, he doesn’t tell you just how affected he is by your choice of words. He doesn’t tell you that this is the weakest, yet strongest he’s ever felt. If someone were to ask him how he feels, he’d easily reply “disgustingly happy”, words which he never used before.
He doesn’t tell you any of this; he lets actions speak louder. Calloused fingers, accustomed to manhandling and roughhousing, caress and cup your ass. With each passing second, the kiss you share deepens further, his pulse quickens and his jeans become more and more constricted. Never mind that it’s the middle of the day, in broad daylight; Javier wants—needs—to marvel at every inch of you, exactly as it is.
“Whatever you want from me,” he tells you through a shuddering breath as he slowly undresses you, “it’s yours. Anything.”
Javier surprises himself at how malleable he finds himself to be, caught under your spell, but he does not care one bit. When you look into his eyes and see his blown out pupils, you know he means it. You feel his words to be true.
You smile as you close your eyes and pull him in for another hasty kiss, stumbling your way to the bed. Javier strips you slowly, stealing kisses down your body while a breath catches in your throat. The sun shines right through the big windows on this crisp fall day, so there’s nothing to hide. It’s only when Javier’s hands finally pull down your panties and expose you to him that you notice you’re facing the mirror hanging from the wall of his bedroom. You shiver and on cue, Javier’s hungry eyes look up to meet yours. He smirks—because of course he does, son of a bitch.
“It’s a great view, isn’t it?” he murmurs, tentatively licking a stripe up your pussy.
His eyes don’t leave you when you sneak another glance at the mirror: it’s not huge, but big enough to fit your naked body and Javier’s head right between your legs. No good words cross your mind, even if your mind is in overdrive, begging your mouth to release some form of verbal speech. Your knees buckle and your heart beats rapidly when Javier takes his first taste. It feels like the first time he’s ever done this, though it’s really old news by this point. Recently you thought Javier’s existence is limited to one place and one place alone, and that is in between your legs, based on how much he loves spending time down there—whether he’s snug inside you or eating you out.
“Watch how gorgeous you are when you come on my tongue,” you hear Javier’s voice, lustful and dark.
“Presumptuous, aren’t we?”
You laugh a little, but it quickly fades when you feel two digits moving slowly in and out of you, a tongue collecting the slick gathered in your most sensitive spot. His nose nudges your clit, his whole mouth is seemingly buried in your pussy, and all you can do is moan helplessly, let one of your hands grab a handful of his hair and keep your eyes locked on the way your body curves and aches at his mercy. God, he’s so needy, so eager to please you and to give you orgasms; almost like this is his purpose in this world.
“Does it feel good?” you hear his husky voice.
His fingers feel like they’re splitting you open while you nearly fall apart in his mouth, and at the same time it’s not enough. It drives you insane.
You nod frantically, locked in the same trance of watching yourself getting ate out by Javier.
“With words, señorita.”
Oh fuck. You hadn’t expected that, certainly not the reaction it triggers out of you.
“Yes,” you exhale. “It feels so, so good, Javi.”
“Good. Touch yourself.”
Though your mind is in a haze, you’re able to follow his instruction. Your hand bolts to your clit, rubbing in circling motions. That, paired with his fingers pumping in and out of you and his mouth like a hot furnace devouring your pussy, it doesn’t take that much longer to get you to where you desperately need. Seeing you like this, being able to make you feel this way, it’s all getting to Javier too; he’s gotten so hard by this point it’s borderline masochistic how much pain he’s voluntarily taking in, so he unconsciously starts to rub against the edge of the bed. The friction is so good, but nowhere near enough. It’ll have to do for now, he thinks. He needs to get you off first.
A moan is harshly ripped from the back of your throat, your legs jerk and nearly trap Javier between them as pleasure jolts throughout your body. It’s electric, overwhelming, and simply unmatched. It’s too much all at once, to look in the mirror and see how painfully needy you are for this man, how beautifully fucked out you look in at this very moment. You notice his hips, desperately humping the bed, unbeknownst even to himself.
Javier pulls out his fingers, only his tongue remaining on your overly sensitive area, the strokes of it now gentler. You tug on his hair to make him attentive, and when he looks up, you see his face contorted in a mixture of delight, pleasure and neediness. And just like that, your body aches again, only this time for something more.
“Ah fuck,” Javier groans in his fast attempt to dispose of his clothes. “Didn’t notice I was—“
He sighs right as you smile, taking in the sight of a naked Javier, all in broad daylight for you to savor. He’s so hard now it almost pains you, so when you make a motion to get to him and stroke him, Javier nearly swats your hand away.
“Why not?” you ask with a pout.
“Because it’s gonna be a fucking miracle if I last more than a few seconds and I wanna be inside you when we come.”
You raise your brows. “We?”
“What did I tell you in the beginning that you’ll always have from me?”
“At least two orgasms.”
“I live up to my words.”
He’s wrapped the condom around his cock, now crawling in between your legs, the place he has claimed as his own and by far the most incredible place he’s ever resided in. He’s done this plenty of times before now, it’s nothing new; and yet, this very moment which reeks of anticipation and desire, this single moment in time when his hand is curled around his cock, guiding himself to your already soaked entrance, Javier wishes he could freeze it, keep it to himself forever.
When he slides right at home, deep inside you, you both moan in tandem. And it is the most damnable, beguiling and intoxicating sensation he’s ever known.
Probably because you’re not just another girl passing through his life and his bed. You’re not another random face or a number to the list of women he’s been with.
You’re the woman he loves, the woman he’d take a bullet for if he had to, the woman he’d move mountains for.
“Javi?”
You have this ability to bring him back with his feet to the ground whenever he tends to wander off, and Javier is nothing if not grateful for it, particularly now.
“Can you move? Please?” you plead and it’s so sweet he could come just from that.
Javier chuckles, the sound resembling that of a madman—and he supposes he is one, in a sense.
“Keep lookin’,” he instructs, a little bit of his Texan roots slipping in his tone as he starts to roll his hips. “Want you to watch how good you take me. How—beautiful you are when you take me.”
The grip you have over his shoulders tightens as his hips pick up a moderate pace, pounding into you with a mixture of greed and love. The more he sinks into you, whispering sweet nothings and giving the occasional order, the more you feel pressure building inside your belly. You do as he says, watching your body writhing beneath his in the mirror, and you shudder. His back covers a lot of the frame, so you mostly notice him from behind, pounding into you, and your nearly limp body underneath, taking him as he is giving himself to you.
The sensation of having him atop of you is stellar, something almost like it was meant for you and you alone; Javier’s stealing the occasional kiss from you, his hips more erratic with each additional thrust and his mouth whispering that he’s so close, so fucking close.
“D’you see?” he manages to get out through a wicked smile. “See how—how fuckin’ good you look hmm?”
“Yes—yes, I see it—“
“Mhm—good girl. My good fuckin’ girl.”
Javier loses any train of thought, be it rational or not, and when his orgasm finally hits, it’s all too much and too sudden, and when he can’t stop cussing or thrusting furiously into you, you cup his cheeks and tell him a simple “I love you”.
And he lets go, almost violently.
He’s struggling to catch his breath when he feels you spasming around him, and there’s pride to be felt even when he’s dumbfounded that you came almost at the same time.
“I’m sorry,” he says, and you make a face at him trying to regulate his breaths. “I was kinda hoping… I’d last longer.”
You kiss him sweetly, gently, still feeling him ache inside of you. “It’s the sexiest thing,” you murmur.
“Having the endurance of a teenage boy?”
“No, the idea that someone needs you this desperately they can’t hold themselves in one piece. I love that. And I love you.”
Javier pecks your lips. “I don’t think I’ll get used to you saying that.”
“You should.”
“I love you too.”
You stay snugged up like that for who knows how long, while the sun rays beam down on your naked bodies. And then it starts to get dark, and you’re on Javier’s lap, slowly riding him and kissing him, aiming for nothing in particular but intimacy.
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tags: @pedrostories @psychedelic-ink @milkymoon2483 @ifall4dilfs @casa-boiardi @fallenkitten @jenispunk
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sunflowersteves · 2 years
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the color green || e.m.
summary || Your friendship with Eddie and Chrissy wouldn't be an issue if you weren't head over heals for the damn metalhead.
pairing || eddie munson x fem!reader
author's note || this was a fic idea by my lovely ❤️‍🔥anon and little did they know that i love some jealousy angst fics, i hope you enjoy it!!
warnings || mention of weed, angst, afab!reader, jealousy, smut [18+ only!!], choking, a little bit of somnophilia but not rlly, dom x sub dynamics, switch!eddie, switch!reader, riding, dry humping, kinda unstable reader, unprotected sex, petnames, MINORS DNI
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If your imaginative mind had its way, Eddie Munson would be six feet underground at the moment. At least, that was what your glare toward the president of Hellfire Club seemed like to everyone else. 
Although, your murderous intent wasn’t for the reason that most people associate Eddie with.
You, on the other hand, were in love with Eddie Munson. Your vendetta against the metalhead was completely different from the rest of them. 
Usually, people hate Eddie Munson because he’s a freak, an outcast, a loser, and a devil worshiper. They would immediately pin the blame on Eddie for the crazy things that go on in Hawkins, Indiana. They would seek him out to tell him about how his club is some cult that conspires against the government—or something. 
You, though, loved his crazy antics of singing and hopping around. You loved his passion for Dungeons and Dragons and watched him for hours writing a new campaign. You loved the way he hid his face in his hair when he got nervous. You loved the way he tapped his rings on any hard surface. 
You love Eddie Munson.
The main issue was that you and Eddie had a…thing. What kind of thing were you? You had no clue which was driving you up the damn wall. 
It was some unspoken thing when Eddie whispered in your ear that he needed you. It was an unspoken thing when you gave Eddie a blowjob in his beat-up van. It was an unspoken thing when you and Eddie fucked on more than one occasion.
It was the unspoken, unmentioned thing that was tearing you apart, especially since his newfound attention was dead set on Chrissy Cunningham. You watched as Chrissy’s head fell back in laughter at something Eddie had said and threw a french fry at him.
To make matters even worse, it was you that introduced them. You knew Chrissy Cunningham was one of the genuinely—rare—nice cheerleaders out in the world. After you had graduated, she and Eddie were the only ones to actually give a shit about you. So, you were the one that told Eddie to not judge a book by its cover.
And now, you were seriously regretting your actions. The thing is, you didn’t hate Chrissy. Far from it, in fact. You understand better than most people how Eddie could light up a room in a matter of seconds. Hell, she’s your friend, too. A good friend. 
Instead, you placed all of your hatred and ire onto Eddie. Was it deserved? Probably not, but your feelings were too jumbled and fused together. You couldn’t stand the thought of pure, loud rejection from the love of your life, so your mind retreated to a safe space of anger.
“Where did you go?” You scoot back into the booth, which was opposite of Eddie and Chrissy—which burned a hole through your heart, no doubt. 
“I told you I was going to the bathroom, didn’t I?” You winced at the harsh tone you sent Eddie’s way. You hadn’t meant for it to be that cruel sounding, but you’re a bit on edge. 
“Shit, I only asked.” He held his hands up in defense. “What’s got you so riled up?”
You sigh. “Sorry. I-I’m—um—gonna go. I forgot that Robin needed me for something. Enjoy your meal, guys.” You heard both of their protests as you walked away. You couldn’t dare look back or you knew you would immediately give into them.
Jesus Christ, you need to get a hold of yourself and your feelings. How long until they both corner you to ask what’s wrong?
That exact problem of what was wrong was about to send you into a downward spiral. It was like you couldn’t even look or think about the man without your heart exploding into fireworks. 
You were entirely jealous of their requited feelings—more so, jealous that Eddie was smitten for another girl that wasn’t you.
Shit, you really love Eddie Munson.
~~
Ever since that day that you left the diner, it felt like Chrissy and Eddie were inseparable. Your heart split into thousands of little pieces as you watched them hang out. More specifically, hanging out without you. 
His arm was always around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Their smiles were always bright, and their eyes looked at each other like they hung the moon. Goddamn, it was annoying and so thoroughly heartbreaking. 
So, when Eddie invited you to hang out with him at his trailer—alone—you were surprised. You two hadn’t hung out for about two months, and your heart had seriously suffered. Unbeknownst to you, though, his heart suffered too.
You walked through the door of his trailer and sat your bag down near a bookshelf. You could hear rustling from his bedroom, most likely trying to find his pre-rolled weed. You sat yourself down onto the couch, and your shoulders almost felt stiff against the worn leather.
You watched him bounce around as he walked into the room, surprised by his giddiness and excited expression. In his mind, it was super jumbled and filled with nerves at being able to hang out with you again. 
He sits down next to you with a bowl of popcorn and reaches for the remote. He puts on your favorite movie, and that’s when you finally started to relax. Maybe being around Eddie wasn’t as bad for your heart as you thought it was. Maybe there was still something for you to give him even if he can’t give it back. 
Which is exactly why you’re in this situation right now and you didn’t even know when it had happened. Scratch that. Was it even happening now? Were you dreaming?
Amongst the small discussions about life and passing snacks around, somewhere in between, Eddie had kissed you. He kissed you so feverishly and passionately that it knocked the wind out of you, and—fuck—you had missed this. 
Had it been minutes? Hours? Who even knew at this point. 
All you knew was that Eddie’s lips on your neck and his hands on your hips felt heavenly—absolutely cosmic. You were laid down on the couch, back against the cushions with Eddie’s face between your neck. 
He was on top of you, a hand moving around your body as if he was savoring every moment, while the other kept him propped up. His tongue swirled around the already irritated skin from his teeth sinking into your neck. 
You whimpered, hands gripping his hellfire t-shirt. “You like that, sweetheart?” He continued his biting, becoming more brutal by the second. “Mhm? Why don’t you tell me how much you like it, yeah?”
Before you could even answer him, there’s a knock at the door. You both freeze, his own eyes wide with something that almost looked like guilt. You don’t dare to move, too focused on the big reality check that slapped you in the face.
“Eddie? Are you there?” A sullen pit sunk into your stomach at the sound of that voice. 
Chrissy. 
Chrissy was here. At Eddie’s trailer wanting something: drugs, homework, or maybe Eddie. 
While you’re in your own head, Eddie’s looking at you with concern. He opens his mouth to ask you something, but it quickly shuts as the pounding on his door continues. 
Eddie cursed under his breath, “Sorry, let me just do this real fast—”
Before you know it, that little green devil floods through your veins. You grab Eddie and slightly shove him back onto the couch. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, and you would’ve thought it was cute if the pure rage wasn’t burning through your system.
“What the f—” The words completely die on his tongue as you’re straddling his waist. You lean in close to him, one of your hands gripping his throat. He let out a surprised whimper as his shoulders tensed under your harsh gaze.
“Try to answer the door, Eddie.” Your jaw is tight, eyes filled with fury, “Try it.” You could feel him gulp beneath your hand, and then he’s biting his lip. 
It would be the biggest lie in the history of lies if he wasn’t turned on by what you just did. You had practically manhandled him onto the couch, and your hand was on his throat. Holy shit. He could feel his cock twitch ever so slightly at that look between your eyes. 
“Is she gone?”
Silence. No bounding on doors, no calls for Eddie, and no jiggling of the doorknob. Absolute silence. 
“Yeah, she is.”
You smirked, fingers squeezing his neck ever so slightly, “good.” 
He lets out a strangled moan as you start to grind onto his hips. You rolled them across his bulge that was poking out from his ripped jeans, and his head rolled back in pleasure. 
“You like that, Eddie?” You mocked. “Why don’t you tell me how much you like it, huh?”
His jaw slacked open, and if it was even possible, he got harder. “F-Fuck, I–” Your hand on his neck squeezed a little, prompting a small moan from him. 
The sound buzzed through your ears, and an almost primal instinct flooded through you. You were getting way too impatient, so you stood up—definitely earning a whine from Eddie. 
You tugged your jeans and underwear down, and Eddie started to do the same—lifting his ass off the couch and shimming them down his legs. Before you could start taking your shirt off, Eddie grabs you by the hips and plops you onto his lap.
“You are driving me fucking crazy, you know that?”
“Fuck, Eddie—” You barely have any time to react before he’s crashing his lips onto yours. His hands are making dents into your hips, and his lips are sucking and biting against your own. The feel of his calloused hands on yours and the wet kisses he was giving you was absolutely addicting. It makes your mind fuzz into warmth.
You break the kiss, looking down to see his hard member pressed against your stomach. You practically drool at the sight. He was big and oh so thick. He smiles, “like what you see, baby?” 
You nod, no longer wanting to wait, and aligned his cock with your cunt. You slide down and grip his shoulder—leaving harsh indents from your fingernails. Your walls were wet and thick—another thing that he missed. “Oh fuck—shit—” 
You started to move up against his cock before coming down again. “Eddie, Oh my god—” His hand went underneath your shirt and molded your breasts around it. You moaned against his cheek, faces just inches away from one another.
“Fuckin’ mine, baby, you got that?” His eyes widened at the aspiration that whispered between your lips. “Say it, Eddie. Say that you’re mine.”
“‘M yours. I’ve always been yours.” His eyes flicker between watching his cock disappear and your euphoric expression with your mouth agape to let out a sultry moan. It was just music to his ears. 
His little confession seemed to send him over the edge because he’s helping you bounce on his cock, a harsh contrast to the man moments ago. Now he was rutting up into you and then slamming you back down onto him. 
“Yeah, I’m fuckin’ yours, you got that? Put that into your pretty little head of yours. I belong to you.” He took your hand and placed it back onto his neck. You whimper as your walls clench, and it almost sends Eddie into a spiral. 
“Yeah, you’re mine, baby—” You squeeze your fingers just a little around the base of his neck and he groans—almost animalistic sounding. You mewl at his cock hitting that sweet, honeyed spot, and you’re almost gripping his neck tighter.
“You gonna cum, sweetheart? You gonna stake your claim on me?” You can’t respond, your mind too focused on the tip of his cock rutting into you over and over and over. “Fuck, Eddie, I’m—”
Your body seizes as you cry out his name—the euphoric feeling flooding each and every five senses until all you can think or utter is Eddie. He’s still fucking into you—relentless with each thrust as he chases his own orgasm. 
“Where do you—”
You whine at the overstimulation, “Inside, Eddie, please—” 
The mere thought of your begging had floated into that space into his mind. Your puffy cunt is pulsating as his tick wet ropes of cum fill you up to the brim. “Shit, fuck, sweetheart—so fucking good.”
You both end up to a slow rhythm until he stops, body relaxing against the sofa. You tap his shoulder gently as you calm down, the only sounds of your chests heaving from the breath leaving your lungs. 
You can’t quite tell the look on his face, something that felt almost odd. He opened his mouth until he closed it again, his hand squeezing your hip. It was as if you would disappear if he let you go. 
“Listen… I–” You try to cut him off with your hand on his shoulder. You knew what was about to come—that loud rejection hitting the base of your stomach. But he shook his head, and that only surprised you.
“I can’t let you leave until you know how I feel.” He paused, eyes flickering towards you. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I just—I just was too afraid to admit it. And then—” He chuckles a little and then reaches over to grab your hand. “And then you got jealous of Chrissy, today, and I knew you needed to know.”
Oh. Oh, shit. “You—What?” 
He let out a breathless chuckle and started to wipe his thumb against your hip bone. He let the silence sit as you took in each of his words. He was trying to be nice, but his mind was starting to become way too loud.
And then you smiled. You smiled so wide, and it was beautiful.
“I love you too, Eddie. I love you so much. I have for so long.” He kisses you gently, smiling widely because he just can’t help it. 
“Let's finish that movie, yeah?”
~~
“So…” 
You looked up at Chrissy with furrowed eyebrows, sipping your milkshake. “So, what?”
She rolled her eyes slightly at you, “Tell me all the details about Eddie!” You choked on the cold liquid hitting your throat. 
“W-What? How—”
She gave you a look, and then a sparkling glint in her eyes had almost shined. “Why do you think I told Eddie to hang out with you that day? And why do you think I coincidentally wanted drugs from him at the same time?” She paused, dipping a french fry into ketchup. 
“You two were so miserable without each other, and it was driving me crazy, especially you, you know.” She reached over and grabbed your wrist, giving it a squeeze. “I knew about your feelings for Eddie before you could even figure it out yourself.” 
Holy fucking shit. She knew. Who was this, and what have they done with Chrissy?
Your jaw hung open and then closed; you were astonished and astounded. “I don’t know whether to say thank you and hug you or punch your devious arm right now.”
She giggled, twirling her strawberry blonde hair between her fingers. “I’ll take the first option, thank you.”
“Yeah, yeah, come here, you little schemer.”
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thepixelelf · 5 days
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Oh Baby, You Part 50 - Cherry
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Idly, you watch the digital, red numbers above the elevator go up one by one. You’ve sometimes wondered if Mingyu hates the chairman’s office, considering its spot on the very top floor, and his genuine fear of heights. Then again, the building is an entirely closed space— he’s more of a bungee jumping scaredy cat than an Empire State Building one. 
You look down at the container of cookies you brought. They’re not his favourite, since you didn’t have all the ingredients for that, but you hope they’ll do. Before Mingyu’s complete integration into chairmanship, you used to bake together all the time. You know he’s better than you, (always has been,) but ever since that time you ended up in a baking summer camp together all those years ago, he’s insisted your cookies are the best.
Of course you know he’s being nice, but that’s just another great thing about Mingyu.
You’re wearing a mask over the lower half of your face, and Jeonghan said there’d be no one around to see you. Still, you walk through the halls with your head lowered and only lift it when you come upon Jeonghan’s desk.
He eyes the container. “You sure about this? I’m not even supposed to be going in there right now.”
“Don’t worry,” you say with a smile he can only see in your eyes. “If he’s truly upset, I’ll just leave him the cookies and go. But I promise I’ll try some other time to get you the vacation days you deserve, okay?”
“It’s really not that important…”
Playfully rolling your eyes, you head towards Mingyu’s office. “Whatever you say, Jeonghan.”
You pull on the thick metal handle of the door without knocking, and as soon as you walk in, Mingyu speaks without moving his eyes from his computer screen. “Not right now, Jeonghan. Just tell whoever needs me to—”
“Hey, stranger.”
His face immediately lights up upon seeing you, and you pull down your mask with a smile. Yeah. There’s your best friend.
“Sunshine!” Mingyu pushes himself to standing and quickly rounds his desk to pull you into a hug. “What are you doing here?” He retracts a bit to look at your face in obvious confusion. “I thought you and Jeonghan agreed we shouldn’t meet up here because of… you know.”
You step back and hold out the plastic container of cookies between you. “About Jeonghan…”
Sighing, Mingyu lets you put them in his hands. “Please tell me this isn’t about the whole ‘vacation’ thing… You know I can’t, Sunshine.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just not how things are done.”
“‘How things are done’? Mingyu, you’re the chairman. If there’s anyone who can change the way things are done, it’s you. Especially for someone who’s spent a good third of your life doing his best to help you.” 
He sets the cookies down behind him and takes one of your hands, letting your joined fingers dangle between you as he leans back onto the edge of his desk. “Look, I’d love to give Jeonghan some time off. I really would, but we’re in the middle of a lot right now—”
“You’re always in the middle of something here.”
“—and,” he continues, countering your little dig with a wry smile, “I as much as I wish I could give everyone here time off, I’d need time to find a suitable person to fill Jeonghan’s position while he’s gone. That’s where the four months come in.”
You tilt your head, trying to summon those eyes that Mingyu would say he can never refuse. The problem is, you’ve never really been in control of whatever expression it is that he sees. “Surely you could find someone in less time than that.”
He chuckles. “I don’t know if you understand how good Jeonghan is at his job.”
“I have a pretty good idea,” you say with a roll of your eyes.
Mingyu glances at the door, and you turn to it as well, but nothing happens. “Speaking of,” he says quietly, returning your attention to him. “Where is Orion? With Soonyoung?”
“Actually, he’s at a daycare for a—”
“A daycare? Jeonghan didn’t tell me he arranged anything.”
You blink. “Well that would be because he didn’t. I set it—”
“What? Why?”
Pausing for a moment, you make yourself remember that this is exactly the thing you, Mingyu, and Jeonghan are always worried about. Oftentimes, you the most. Having some stranger spend just enough time with Orion to see his resemblance to Mingyu.
“Orion will be preschool age within this next year, so I thought maybe I’d transition to some in-person classes while he attends. The daycare would be for emergencies, or things like weekend exams, or…”
Or when you don’t want to burden your only friends for the rest of Orion’s younger years. 
Mingyu rounds his desk again and bends over in front of his computer. “What’s the name of this place?”
“Dream Daycare. It’s near—”
“You know that was careless, right? You should’ve asked Jeonghan or I to—”
“I looked into it. I went over like six places before—”
“Jeonghan would’ve—”
“He has enough on his plate—”
“—taken care of—”
“Mingyu!” Your raised voice manages to shut him up, but he only meets your eyes for a second before he goes back to his computer screen, investigating the daycare’s website. “I did the research. They had no idea who I was — not that anyone really does, since Jeonghan’s done such a good job keeping me anonymous thus far — and seeing as the place is mostly run by some sweet old ladies, they probably have no idea who you are, either.”
He sighs out through his nose. “Are they good?”
“What?”
“Good caretakers,” he clarifies, and you see the genuine worry in his eyes now.
Of course. You should’ve known that the revelation Orion’s true identity wasn’t Mingyu’s primary concern; his safety is.
Exhaling, you try to give Mingyu a reassuring smile. “Yes, Mingyu. They’re excellent. I only chose the place I thought was the best, safest, and kindest for him. He’s my son, after all.”
It’s small.
It’s so small, so short that you almost don’t see it, hear it. Almost miss it entirely.
But you’re certain that Mingyu… scoffs before he says, “Is he?”
For more than a few seconds, you’re frozen. Just slightly, your mouth parts, but you can’t seem to find the right words. Did you even hear him right?
“What… What is that supposed to mean?”
He shakes his head, still scrolling. “Nothing.”
“No,” you rebut. “No, tell me what you meant by that.”
“It’s really nothing.” Straightening himself up, Mingyu fixes you with an uneasy look. You just stand there, cross your arms, and wait for him to cave. It only takes a few seconds. “It’s just, with you telling everyone…”
You let out an affronted sound. “I did not tell everyone. And for that matter, it wasn’t exactly my choice to tell anyone anything at all.”
“Look, forget it. Just pretend I never—”
“But what does any of that have to do with Orion being my son?”
Mingyu takes in a deep breath, his hand coming up to his tie like he wants to wrench it loose, but he only fidgets with it. He looks away, then meets your eyes again. “With this many people knowing he’s not your son—”
“But he is! He is my son, Mingyu. And I am good at taking care of my son.”
It’s too hot in this room. Mingyu’s shoulders rise and fall with another sigh, and for some reason, you can’t stand the look in his eyes.
“I need a breather.” By the time the words come out, you’re already turning and walking towards the door of his office. “Don’t follow me,” you tell him, only because you know your best friend would.
Jeonghan stands up when you shove the door open and storm past his desk, a mix of concern and shock on his face. You must look as upset as you feel.
“I just need a second,” you say, and so he just watches you as you walk off, his mouth opening and closing, but no words coming out.
You have no clue where you’re going, but you think you had the right idea when you made that excuse to leave Mingyu’s office, so you look around for some sort of outdoor exit. A balcony, or something similar. Eventually, you find a staircase, which leads to what looks like a small terrace of sorts.
Only, when you pull the door open and breath in the cool, fresh air, you turn to the right and see someone leaning against the railing. His distant silhouette isn’t the most familiar, and he’s facing away from you, but considering this place, and the only people you know in it…
“Mr Choi?”
He turns, a white stick poking from his lips.
“I’m sorry,” you say, apologizing for interrupting what must be his precious alone time. Still, you really don’t want to go back inside yet. “I…” Your feet pull you a couple hesitant steps toward him. “...didn’t know you smoked.”
While his eyes focus in recognition, Seungcheol’s hand rises to pull the stick from his mouth. The motion reveals the head of a bright red, spherical lollipop. 
“Oh. That’s…” You want to say out of character, but you trail off. If you think about it, there isn’t much you know about Choi Seungcheol. “Sorry for assuming. I just wasn’t expecting…”
He says nothing for a little bit, just looking at you as you approach. His eyes seem to study you, and you resist the urge to squirm. When you settle next to him, resting your arms on the railing like he is and keeping your gaze on the cityscape, he finally looks away from you and peers at the lollipop instead.
“...I bought them for him,” he says.
You turn your head, squinting in the bright sunlight. “Who?”
“Your son.”
It’s a weird confession, to be sure, but he can’t know the way those two words affect you in that moment. That’s right. Orion is your son.
“But,” Seungcheol continues, unaware of the reason you needed the fresh air in the first place. He lets out a deprecating huff of a laugh, his head dropping for a second before he faces you again. The lollipop gets brought back up, and he taps it twice against his smiling teeth. “I might’ve gotten myself addicted.”
You can’t help it. You laugh.
Turning again to the skyline, your fold your arms on the railing and drop your chin to rest on them with a sigh. What a beautiful day.
Tap, tap.
You look at your elbow, where Seungcheol pokes a wrapped lollipop. Cherry. Your gaze rises to meet his.
“Something’s wrong,” he says simply, holding the candy out closer to you, silent but insistent.
Maybe he isn’t so unaware after all.
Wordlessly, you take the lollipop with a shy nod and a smile.
You don’t know why, but as soon as you close your mouth around the sweet, artificial cherry flavoured candy, the tears start to form. You hate that it’s now, with one of the very dangerous people to be vulnerable in front of, but you can’t seem to stop the blazing heat in the corners of your eyes. You don’t sob — don’t let yourself — but the tears fall despite your resolve.
It’s irrational, you understand, to be this upset. But it’s hard to believe yourself to be a good parent when you start doubting whether you’re a parent at all.
“Would you…” Seungcheol’s wary voice returns your attention to him. “...like to leave?”
You let out a laugh, embarrassed. He must be uncomfortable. “I probably should.”
As you push yourself off the railing, though, Seungcheol does the same. “Alright,” he says, then takes your hand, and you realize as he leads you back inside and through the building all the way to the ground floor: he’s not wary of you, but for you. “Let’s go, then. Somewhere nicer.”
For some unknown reason, you just swallow down all your trepidation, gently take your hand back, say, “Okay.”
And follow.
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108 notes · View notes
Imagine being Ruggie sister who somehow got in to night raven as a student and everything progress on and them as a Ramshackle perfect due to them being a kind person like Tanjiro and strong yet but of a nerd liked Deku with a unique magic of growing plants
What's more she a home maker due to them living in the slums ( like meding clothes, cooking, fixing things as she can, using home remedies when sick and help their bother with the kids at home ) with Ruggie and too working hard to get out of there as they wanted to be a doctor
Let's say due to their genuine kindness Leona, Malleus, Idia, Jamal, Carter and Riddle have a unhealthy obsession crush with Ruggie sister who doesn't share the same romantic feeling and only sees them as a friend
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Ruggie's Little Sister Reader | Yandere Twisted Wonderland
Perfectly built for Ramshackle, you happily take to it despite your brother’s insistence you stay next to him in Savvannaclaw. But you’ve never been one to listen to your big brother and you can definitely handle it. You probably fare better than the original in terms of dealing with Night Raven. Because you know how to sweet up boys with mean attitudes, maybe a little too well:
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Leona Kingscholar
“Look herbivore, don’t try to boss me-”
“Who’re you calling herbivore!? I’m talking to you, about this lazy cat behavior!”
“Lazy cat-”
“(Y/n) please–”
“No Ruggie, you baby him far too much! I’m stepping in!”
He at first really hates you
Like really 
You do all the things Ruggie does just not for him
In fact you make him do things that make him tired
It’s a pain 
But for whatever reason he’s getting especially happy when you praise him
Only for you 
He’s violent with anyone who comments on the work you have him doing
Its the only reason he keeps in your good graces and thats enough for him
“I’m proud of you, Leona! Now come I’ve cooked up some fillet mignon and it has your name on it!”
“It better. I’m never doing my own laundry again.”
“Hahaha yes you will.”
Ruggie is nervous about this but appreciates you picking up the slack
It sometimes bothers him how much time his employer starts spending with you
But he’s not too worried Leona understands his desire to protect you
“Huh?! You got him to do that?! What should I expect, you are my little sister.”
“Don’t act like I’m not the cooler one of us two.”
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Malleus Draconia 
“Ah horn-dude, I was just looking for you.”
“Horn-dude? And you were looking for me?”
“Yeah I was thinking of adding some gardenias, and maybe some vines for decoration. I wanted your opinion since you like coming by here so often.”
“The vines would pertain to a more beautifully abandoned image…but that might just be my preference.”
“Oh thanks so much, Horns!”
His crush is so obvious 
Talking about you often to his guards and mentor
And whenever anyone goes to talk to him he finds some odd way to incorporate you into the conversation 
Trust me its weird for everyone when he starts talking about you during potions when their dissecting magical creatures
he can’t stop trying to talk to you
But he usually ends up just staring at you from the distance
Waiting until your instincts pick up on his presence
And your forced to invite him to join whatever your doing
“Ah! Horns didn’t see you over there! Do you want in? We’re making paper flowers for the festival want to join?”
“I would love to!” 
“What?! Horns?! (Y/n) why are you lettinghimjoin giving him more paper!? I know what I’m doing!” 
“Sure you do.”
Ruggie’s scared out of his mind 
How did you get mixed up with this overpowered monster
He can’t do too much now without knowing he’s going to die
But if it means saving you from certain doom aka Malleus Draconia it might be worth it
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Idia Shroud
“Alright that’s enough!”
“W-what?!”  
“No more games before you finish cleaning your room! Ortho and I can help but–”
“Actually (Y/n)-san, I recently pulled up a study that states letting children clean their own rules helps instill better habits when their adults!”
“Ortho!?”
“Oh great idea! Well we’ll be just outside! Come on Ortho let’s plan out our cosplay!”
“Yes!”
“G-guys?!”
He hates that you mother him
But he absolutely loves it when you mother him
He cries about being in the dreaded friendzone kidzone
But boy does he love the way you pat his head or let him cuddle into your chest
He loves the food you make during marathons
Or how you’ll let yourself be distracted by the games you really like
He gets drastic if you spend too long out of his reach
So he sets up cameras+ 
So he takes any opportunity to speak with you
So he puts others in horrifying accidents
“Heeheh by the time I’m done you’ll be the best girl-gamer in the space. And then it’ll be a given for you to never leave the ultimate guy-gamer!” 
“Ewww keep my sister out of your nerd schemes!” 
“Eeep! An enemy has appeared!”
Ruggie thinks he’s a nerd with no game
But nonetheless he knows Idia’s smart but not street smart
“Hishishsishi can’t set the trap if you don’t have the button! Hardly even noticed me swiping his gadget.” 
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Jamil Viper 
“I appreciate the help, (Y/n).”
“Of course, you’re always running yourself ragged…I wanted to do something for you.”
“...I really appreciate the lunches you’ve made for me…it’s been a while since I’ve eaten a meal by someone else.” “Well just give me a call I don’t mind cooking for you or lending a hand.”
He’s smitten nbyond comprehension
Now going out of his way to hypnotize anyone else into a corner when it comes to talking to you
Its the least he does out of retaliation
He knows all his flirting and hints go right over your head
But your still cute 
Until you do get it he’s pulling the rug out from any and all competitors
“Hey (Y/n), why don’t you join me in the kitchen? Maybe, show me how you made those potato crisps?”
“Sure, Jamil I’d love to!”
“Ah ah! Not without me you’re not!”
Ruggie knows Jamil’s like him but smarter
Sly and sneaky
Powers aside Ruggie’s sure Jamil’s problematic for your safety
“Don’t think for a second, I’ll let you have them! I'm not that fond of snakes!”
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Carter Diamond 
“Wah~(Y/n) you’re so photogenic! Will you pose for me one more time?”
“Well alright. If it’ll make you happy.”
“It’ll make me more than happy!” He loves how oblivious you are 
He absolutely hates it+
But your just so cute 
He guesses he can forgive it 
And hey while your learning the ropes he’s more than happy to keep you close
“Hey hey don’t forget to keep up our streak!”
“Streak?”
“Yeah we’ve been sharing our photos throughout the day of what we’re doing.”
“Yup! It’s a great way to keep track of her!”
“Ick-!”
Ruggie knows he’s slippery
When it comes to tailing him Cater’s good at giving the slip
“Not on my watch. I’m not giving you the chance, to trick my baby sister.”
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Riddle Rosehearts
“That’s entirely unreasonable, I’m not doing that!”
“Grrr (Y/n) these are the rules I thought you would respect that.”
“And I thought you would know to relax!”
He thinks your sweet but totally unreasonable
So he guesses you both have something to learn from each other
You more than him obviously
While he doesn’t think highly of your brother he knows your different
And you belong to him
He’s not going to take ‘no’ for an answer
If this is a battle of wills he’d win it
Even if that means subjecting your bad influences to being beheaded
“Riddle! You can't just put that collar on my brother like that!”
“Yeah I’m not even apart of your dorm!”
“Don’t be mad at me for enforcing rules. I know you know the very least of the rules. It shouldn’t be that much of a surprise that your brother just doesn’t measure up. Which means you should leave him before he drags you down.”
Ruggie is peeved that such a prick is after his sister
But he’s not worried 
He’s definitely not cool enough to keep your attention
Not to mention he’s so easy to anger 
It’ll be fun to rile him up
“Hishishishi so mad oh so fast! You’ll barely survive dating them if your this easy.”
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dorkynerd23 · 6 months
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"I Love Them And I Love That They're There For Each Other." 🥺🩷
[Liam Vickers (The Creator Of Murder Drones) Talking About N And Uzi.] (GLITCH X 2023)
In all seriousness though, although I'm a Nuzi/Biscuitbites shipper and all, I overall really do love and adore how much N and Uzi's relationship has blossomed and developed over the course of the show so far and how much closer the two have gotten. Whether you see them as either platonic or potential lovers, you can't deny that these two are absolutely adorable and badass, and just work so damn well off one another, they're honestly the heart of the show, in my opinion. (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠) You can honestly see the friendship and connection between the two and see that they do deeply care about one another and bring the best out of each other, it's honestly understandable why so many fans love the pairing between these two and their dynamic and find it comforting, because there's so much charm and even relatability to both characters. You truly do believe in their bond and their relationship is only going to get so much stronger once the final two episodes of the season are released next year, especially with the huge amount of stakes involved now + with N having to choose between either saving the universe or potentially killing Uzi.
N X Uzi is pretty much a slow burn, it's taking its time before things get serious between the two. To me, nothing in my eyes feels forced or rushed unlike other romances in pieces of media I've seen which didn't have the best development and growth, or the right amount of it. Although, relationships like N and Uzi have been done so many times and can be seen as cliche, (which I can get behind!) that doesn't always mean it's automatically bad and horrible, some cliche tropes for potential couples can/have worked as long as they're written correctly and done well! For me, when it comes to my favorite ships I like for them to have chemistry and believability and show the connection between the characters.
Honestly, for any romances/relationships in pieces of media to come across as believable than the audience must be convinced that the couple is genuinely connected and N and Uzi fit this category although we're only in the first season and we aren't sure what the future holds for the show, there's more potential to show more growth and development for N and Uzi and their relationship, with the potential of them being more! I honestly don't see how these two wouldn't end up together by the end especially after so much buildup and teasing only to have the two end up with different characters at the end of the show, it would've definitely left a bad taste in the fans mouths and would've been pointless. It would be understandable for N and Uzi to get together and it works, as not only do they have the strongest dynamic and relationship out of all the characters but throughout all the episodes (so far, at least) the two have shown to start growing closer and closer, the show has hinted at them being something more eventually. ❤️
Now, of course, anything can go and Envy might end up being the endgame couple instead, especially after V's sacrifice and her growing character development things could change. But, I honestly don't really see them getting together and besides, He and V could still be friends and connect and not everyone needs to get/be in a relationship to be happy. V doesn't need to be in a relationship with N to be happy, she needs to improve herself first and become a better person which is what she's slowly doing and as said, she can still find happiness in a found family and friendship, she can still find happiness in other places! 💙💞
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genevawren38 · 2 months
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I have so many thoughts surrounding what Fit and Bagi discussed about Phil on stream today, then Fit's realisation it might be the Ender King.
First of all; FitMC, you chef above the rest, you fucking cooked today.
Second I think Fit was our best chance of that connection being made because he is the one Phil has confided in the most besides his own kids. Fit was the person he grabbed when he was convinced he was seeing things. He told the anarchist about the birdhouse plot. He brought him *again* when he saw things his kids didn't see.
Fit, is quite possibly, the only one outside his immediate family that knows the most about the crow and he knows something is wrong.
And of course this is happening the moment before he is also being dragged off to his own mission, but he can't help but worry about Phil's kids alongside Ramon and Pac.
Because Chayanne seemed genuinely worried and Fit took it seriously. He knew something was wrong the moment he saw the duckie-wearing dragon child and how he was snarky but sorrowful with responding where their father is. Tallulah told him she's had better days, and you can tell the moment he focuses up.
[And its delicious. Whenever those cc's focus in, I sit up straight cause its so impressive.]
Fit has some of the most regular content on that server. He sees things and records them, filing them away for later in case he needs that knowledge.
So the moment it clocks in that Phil is being weird enough his children are being outspoken, he engages. They took him aside, especially, and opened up more to their Tio Fit than I have ever seen [except maybe Tallulah with BBH, who now has amnesia, and Bagi, though misguided has a good heart (thinks Phil is a Federation experiment)].
And he's made the best connections using his past knowledge and experiences.
Bagi helped with showing the crying obsidian and comparing it to the markings that spread across Phil's shoulders and back where the backpack hung, and I think that's when it clicked for Fit.
But he didn't want to tell Bagi because he isn't certain and perhaps he remembers Phil stressing this 'him' is dangerous. But the similarities have started to snap into place; especially with crying obsidian being a marker of the End Dimension, or at least drawing his thoughts that way.
Basically at the end of all of this; Fit had the best damn shot of making the connection based on lore from months ago and I am so fucking glad he did cause at least another Islander finally has a name for the fallen god chasing their crow.
I hope to God he or Ramon share this knowledge with another trustworthy source if an emergency comes up [Hoping on Bagi, Etoiles, Cellbit and Pac]. I have never been more proud to call that beautiful bald man one of my streamers, Veteran's Duo understand each other on a level no one else comes close too.
Yes they have their own important secrets. But, when they are themselves, they will trust one another to protect anyone effected if it becomes dangerous. It's been them since Day 1, between the regular visits and missions Fit is the closest brother in arms Phil has.
Despite the crow believing no one will care nor want to get involved due to the danger, Fit, Pac, Bagi and their families are all ready to prove them wrong. Phil sees himself as removed from the rest because he can be rather blind to affection and fondness, his self-blame not allowing him to acknowledge he is cared about.
But he is. And by Goddess will that server prove it, with Fit and Ramon at the front of the pack.
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bugsinshoes · 18 days
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ok so i just watched @fordtato and @hkthatgffan 's respective videos about their interview with THE alex hirsch and i wanna just say OH MY GOD like SERIOUSLY
im gonna put my thoughts under the cut so theres no spoilers if you havent seen it already (BUT GO WATCH THEM NOW PLEASE !!!) + its gonna be LONG so BEAR WITH ME
ok, so i have MANY thoughts so sorry if none of this is coherent 😭 (this is not in chronological order of when the questions were asked, just me spewing out my totally normal thoughts about this interview so apologies for that)
starting off:
THE BABY IS SHERMIE?!?!?!? IM SO SO GLAD WE FINALLY HAVE CONFIRMATION WE CAN FINALLY LEAVE THIS TO REST !! I WAS RIGHT THOUGH SO HA !!! ACTUALLY SCREAMING !! TIMELINE BE DAMNED (also another thanks to hana, your timeline video is genuinely awesome. i never shut up about it. ever. any time i talk to my friends abt gf and i need to refer to the timeline i go: "IN HANA'S VIDEO-") anyways, i do understand it was a last minute decision on the writer's part of "oh. dipper and mabel need a grandfather, its not ford, and its sure as FUCK not gonna be stan sooo... third brother?" and i do understand alex being like, "oh, this is about ford and stan only having eachother" so i think making shermie younger was a GOOD THING? like, stan and ford had 18 years of just them so shermie wasnt in the picture, so stan and ford technically grew up on their own so ig it works? also, when stan got kicked out, he never got to see shermie grow up, probably only saw him at events when he had to pretend to be ford (post-1983) and as for ford himself, he was too busy in college and gravity falls to really visit the family so... it works! (despite everything)
that aside, lets talk about THE CRUMBS??? like i have some quotes here because i have a LOT to say:
"theyre both so damaged and they desperately need each other" - alex hirsch (talking about stan and ford)
LIKE SUIUHUSHUSH i HATE these brothers SO MUCH (LIES) i cant actually properly express my thoughts because WOW like its clear that they both have their own trauma and they NEED to address it but theyre both too STUBBORN to do so. theyve both been alone for 40ish years so of course they need each other. they grew up by the hip, so theres no surprise that they both need each other (whether they like it or not)
"[ford's] grateful for the forgiveness he thinks he doesnt deserve" -alex hirsch
ford thinks so lowly of himself at times it HURTS. like the lines in the journal about "only then would the freak return a hero" or about his guilt with bill and everything its just so important to his character im so glad we got so much ford content in this interview. like i am EATING ALL THIS UP RN
"[ford] has to always have a mission in front of him, because if he doesnt have a mission in front of him, hes thinking how have i treated people in my life?" - alex hirsch
ford distracting himself with things instead of facing his problems. probably something he had to do a lot, especially with his time in the multiverse. but it really hurts because i can imagine in the 60s, they never had any great coping mechanisms? so i can assume ford was just conditioned to distract himself from stuff so he never learned how to deal with things. and i KNOW in the journal hes like "i meditate!" and im sure that does help somewhat, but it doesnt address the issue itself soooo... sorry ford, but you cant just breathe your way out of everything
ALSO alex calling ford and fiddlefords falling out a "BREAKUP" (air quotes used) BUT A BREAKUP??? this is just adding fuel to my fiddauthor-infested brain rn. i CANT
and alex saying mcgucket is thinking like, "oh i gotta be a better partner" is HEART SHATTERING like the whole talk about fiddleford being "the building guy" who is kind of just there to make machines and please ford. its honestly so heartbreaking because fiddleford loves ford so much he'd leave his wife and child to go to absolute nowhere, oregon and the fact ford is too arrogant to see fiddlefords admiration and overall love for him its just IUIUAHHAS
and i do wanna say, i KNOW bill played a big part in this, by stroking fords ego and buttering him up with his kind words because he knew exactly what ford wanted to hear and that really affected how ford and fidds' relationship was like but THATS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. all i know is that ford isnt entirely to blame, but he still is a massive arrogant asshole and he wasnt the best person to fidds at times (love him tho <3)
but im actually so happy because this interview sheds SO much light onto FORD bcs we BARELY got to know him, and hearing it from MR HIRSCH HIMSELF is just so good because we KNOW its a reliable source because its coming from ALEX YK??? like he wrote ford so he probably knows "oh yeah, that man is guilt-ridden as FUCK" and im so glad we get some crumbs of this guy i cant get enough of him !!! (impatiently waiting for the book of bill)
ANNNDD THE TALK ABOUT MAYBE GETTING A SEA GRUNKS SPINOFF/MINISERIES??? I WOULD EXPLODE GENUINELY ANYTHING WITH MY FAVOURITE OLD MEN PLEASE !! i would genuinely love to see more of their dynamic and how everything is after weirdmaggeddon and like dealing with trauma and UGHHH i would kill for stan/ford content PLEASE
also...
hippie ford.
hippie. ford.
i am never getting over this (im internally SCREECHING)
ANYWAYS THAT WAS MY RANT ABT MY FAV THINGS FROM THE INTERVIEW THAT WAS A LOT GODDAMN
im genuinely so happy with all the questions that got answered, as well as getting some deeper insight into characters and stuff. IM NEVER GETTING OVER THE AMOUNT OF FIDDAUTHOR CRUMBS YOU GUYS
im gonna end this by saying another MASSIVE thank you to hana and hk !! you both put so much effort into your respective videos and it was super super cool !! this was totally worth the wait !!! :D
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transmutationisms · 8 months
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hello! im just finishing up my read of structures of scientific revolutions, which has genuinely been very useful and shifted my understanding of science in a way being around people doing scientific research all day really didn't! i don't have a liberal arts education so i would love to get a sense of (a) what else of the philosophy / history of science canon is worth reading in the original (b) standard review papers or introductory textbooks and (c) critiques of the canon. i understand this is a big ask ofc, so feel free to point me to good depts / syllabi from good courses. thanks :)
yessss such a fun question >:) so, the thing that was so great about 'the structure of scientific revolutions', which i'm sure you've picked up on, is that kuhn pushed historians and philosophers of science to challenge the positivist model of science as a linearly progressive search to 'accumulate knowledge'. the idea of a 'paradigm shift' was itself a paradigm shift at the time; it was an early example of a language for talking about radical change in science without giving into the assumption that change necessarily = 'progress' (defined by national interests, mathematisation, and so forth). this is still an approach that's foundational to history and philosophy of science; it's now taken as so axiomatic that few academics even bother to gloss or defend it in monographs (which raises its own issue with public communication, lol).
where kuhn falls apart more (and this was typical for a philosopher of his era, training, and academic milieu) is in the fact that he never developed any kind of rigorous sociological analysis of science (despite alluding to such a thing being necessary) and you probably also noticed that he makes a few major leaps that indicate he's not fully committed to thinking through the relationship between science and politics. so for example, we might ask, can a paradigm shift ever occur for a reason other than a discovered 'anomaly' that the previous paradigm can't account for? for instance, how do political investments in science and scientific theories affect what's accepted as 'normal science' in a kuhnian sense? are there historical or present cases where a paradigm didn't change even though it persistently failed to explain certain empirical observations or data? what about the opposite, where a paradigm did change, but it wasn't necessarily or exclusively because the new paradigm was a 'better' explanation scientifically? how do we determine what makes an explanation 'better', anyway, especially given that kuhn himself was very much invested in moving beyond the naïve realist position? and on the more sociological side, we can raise issues like: say you're a scientist and you legitimately have discovered an 'anomaly'. how do you communicate that to other scientists? what mechanisms of knowledge production and publication enable you to circulate that information and to be taken seriously? what modes of communication must you use and what credentials or interpersonal connections must you have? what factors cause theories and discoveries to be taken more or less seriously, or adopted more or less quickly, besides just their 'scientific utility' (again, assuming we can even define such a thing)?
again, this is not to shit on kuhn, but to point out that both history and philosophy of science have had a lot of avenues to explore since his work. note that there are a few major disciplinary distinctions here, each with many sub-schools of thought. a 'science and technology studies' or STS program tends to be a mix of sociological and philosophical analysis of science, often with an emphasis on 'technoscience' and much less on historical analysis. a philosophy of science department will be anchored more firmly in the philosophical approach, so you'll find a lot of methodological critique, and a lot of scholarship that seeks to tackle current aporias in science using various philosophical frameworks. a history of science program is fundamentally just a sub-discipline of history, and scholarship in this area asks about the development of science over time, how various forms of thinking came into and out of favour, and so forth. often a department will do both history and philosophy of science (HPS). historians of medicine, technology, and mathematics will sometimes (for arcane scholastic reasons varying by field, training, and country) be anchored in departments of medicine / technology / mathematics, rather than with other faculty of histsci / HPS. but, increasingly in the anglosphere you'll see departments that cover history of science, technology, and mathematics (HSTM) together. obviously, all of these distinctions say more about professional qualifications and university bureaucracy than they do about the actual subject matter; in actuality, a good history of science should virtually always include attention to some philosophical and sociological dimensions, and vice versa.
anyway—reading recs:
there are two general reference texts i would recommend here if you just want to get some compilations of major / 'canonical' works in this field. both are edited volumes, so you can skip around in them as much as you want. both are also very limited in focus to, again, a very particular 'western canon' defined largely by trends in anglo academia over the past half-century or so.
philosophy of science: the central issues (1998 [2013], ed. martin curd & j. a. cover). this is an anthology of older readings in philsci. it's a good introduction to many of the methodological questions and problems that the field has grown around; most of these readings have little to no historical grounding and aren't pretending otherwise.
the cambridge history of science (8 vols., 2008–2020, gen. eds. david c. lindberg & ron numbers). no one reads this entire set because it's long as shit. however, each volume has its own temporal / topical focus, and the essays function as a crash-course in historical methodology in addition to whatever value you derive from the case studies in their own right. i like these vols much more than the curd & cover, but if you really want to dig into the philosophical issues and not the histories, curd & cover might be more fun.
besides those, here are some readings in histsci / philsci that i'd recommend if you're interested. for consistency i ordered these by publication date, but bolded a few i would recommend as actual starting points lol. again some of these focus on specific historical cases, but are also useful imo methodologically, regardless of how much you care about the specific topic being discussed.
Robert M. Young. 1969. "Malthus and the Evolutionists: The Common Context of Biological and Social Theory." Past & Present 43: 109–145.
David Bloor. 1976 [1991]. Knowledge and Social Imagery. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (here is a really useful extract that covers the main points of this text).
Ian Hacking. 1983. Representing and Intervening: Introductory Topics in the Philosophy of Natural Science. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Steven Shapin. 1988. “Understanding the Merton Thesis.” Isis 79 (4): 594–605.
Steven Shapin and Simon Schaffer. 1989. Leviathan and the Air-Pump: Hobbes, Boyle, and the Experimental Life. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.
Mario Biagioli. 1993. Galileo, Courtier: The Practice of Science in the Culture of Absolutism. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Bruno Latour. 1993. The Pasteurization of France. Translated by Alan Sheridan and John Law. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
Margaret W. Rossiter. 1993. “The Matthew Matilda Effect in Science.” Social Studies of Science 23 (2): 325–41.
Andrew Pickering. 1995. The Mangle of Practice. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Porter, Theodore M. Trust in Numbers: The Pursuit of Objectivity in Science and Public Life. Princeton University Press, 1996.
Peter Galison. 1997. “Trading Zone: Coordinating Action and Belief.” In The Science Studies Reader, edited by Mario Biagioli, 137–60. New York: Routledge.
Crosbie Smith. 1998. The Science of Energy: A Cultural History of Energy Physics in Victorian Britain. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Chambers, David Wade, and Richard Gillespie. “Locality in the History of Science: Colonial Science, Technoscience, and Indigenous Knowledge.” Osiris 15 (2000): 221–40.
Kuriyama, Shigehisa. The Expressiveness of the Body and the Divergence of Greek and Chinese Medicine. Zone Books, 2002.
Timothy Mitchell. 2002. Rule of Experts: Egypt, Techno-Politics, Modernity. Berkeley: University of California Press.
James A. Secord. 2003. Victorian Sensation: The Extraordinary Publication, Reception, and Secret Authorship of Vestiges of the Natural History of Creation. Chicago: University Of Chicago Press.
Sheila Jasanoff. 2006. “Biotechnology and Empire: The Global Power of Seeds and Science.” Osiris 21 (1): 273–92.
Murphy, Michelle. Sick Building Syndrome and the Problem of Uncertainty: Environmental Politics, Technoscience, and Women Workers. Duke University Press, 2006.
Kapil Raj. 2007. Relocating Modern Science: Circulation and the Construction of Knowledge in South Asia and Europe, 1650–1900. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.
Schiebinger, Londa L. Plants and Empire: Colonial Bioprospecting in the Atlantic World. Harvard University Press, 2007.
Galison, Peter. “Ten Problems in History and Philosophy of Science.” Isis 99, no. 1 (2008): 111–24.
Daston, Lorraine, and Peter Galison. Objectivity. Zone Books, 2010.
Dipesh Chakrabarty. 2011. “The Muddle of Modernity.” American Historical Review 116 (3): 663–75.
Forman, Paul. “On the Historical Forms of Knowledge Production and Curation: Modernity Entailed Disciplinarity, Postmodernity Entails Antidisciplinarity.” Osiris 27, no. 1 (2012): 56–97.
Ashworth, William J. 2014. "The British Industrial Revolution and the the Ideological Revolution: Science, Neoliberalism, and History." History of Science 52 (2): 178–199.
Mavhunga, Clapperton. 2014. Transient Workspaces: Technologies of Everyday Innovation in Zimbabwe. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.
Lynn Nyhart. 2016. “Historiography of the History of Science.” In A Companion to the History of Science, edited by Bernard Lightman, 7–22. Chichester, UK: Wiley Blackwell.
Rana Hogarth. 2017. Medicalizing Blackness: Making Racial Difference in the Atlantic World, 1780–1840. Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press.
Suman Seth. 2018. Difference and Disease: Medicine, Race, and the Eighteenth-Century British Empire. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press.
Aro Velmet. 2020. Pasteur's Empire: Bacteriology and Politics in France, its Colonies, and the World. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
i would also say, as a general rule, these books are generally all so well-known that there are very good book reviews and review essays on them, which you can find through jstor / your library's database. these can be invaluable both because your reading list would otherwise just mushroom out forever, and because a good review can help you decide whether you even need / want to sit down with the book itself in the first place. literally zero shame in reading an academic text secondhand via reviews.
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etherealfishyfeelings · 4 months
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Synastry Notes: Sun/Moon
Disclaimer: these are just my personal experience with sun moon aspects in synastry. This is also essentially a rant.
Another Disclaimer: the conditions present in the natal chart such as signs, aspects and house placements can radically alter how one person experiences synastry aspects from another. As well as how developed someone is. I have moon conjunct mars and squared to chiron and widely squared to pluto personally. And it's in the 12th house. Please keep that in mind, I really don't like things poking at my moon. Also I am very sorry that this was so long. I did not think that I really had this much to say.
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The Conjunction: I have a love/hate relationship with this one. I thoroughly enjoy being the Sun person in Sun/Moon aspects in general. But with the conjunction as the Sun person I really tend to feel strong sense of protective care over the Moon person. I tend to take their emotions very seriously, it may not show up that way though since its in Aquarius but internally I feel a very strong pull to ensure their comfort and support their emotional needs. However, as the Moon person, i don't really tend to like it. All that attention on my Moon in the 12th? Ew. I feel really exposed and I often feel like the Sun person just seems to have no comprehension that they are trodding all over sacred ground. It isn't all bad though, I often feel like the Sun seems very accepting of who I am(no matter how weird or wacky) even if they do kinda feel like a bull in a china shop. I find that they usually do mean well, and they tend to be very good listeners, I feel very heard when talking to them about my feelings and thoughts.
The Opposition: Also a love/hate relationship I love being the Sun person but I genuinely loathe being the Moon person here. As the Sun person it feels very similar to the conjunction, I take the Moon persons feelings very seriously and go through great lengths to give them comfort and keep them entertained. Lots of gift giving?? Now that I think about it. Like LOTS OF GIFTS now that I'm really thinking about it. However there were times where I really felt like I was missing the mark and I didn't really get the Moon persons reactions to things. On the other hand as the Moon person, just no. I felt like the Sun person constantly rained on my parade, and they often required me to explain myself, like a lot(Virgo vs Pisces at its finest). I felt very judged and boxed in. Very uncomfortable for me, and for them from what I could see.
The Square: This one really depends. As the Sun person(in Aquarius) here I really tend to struggle with Scorpio and Taurus moons. They tend to find me fickle and I really, I mean really struggle to understand their emotional needs and even the ones I do sort of understand are so foreign to me that I am left baffled anyway(like I get it, but I don't get it. Like I get why doing XYZ is nice for you but I would never do that for 6 hours day, especially if I was ???sad???) and any attempts I make to have fun or do anything really are usually seen as threats to their person security. This aspect is REALLY loud for me. Especially because I have Saturn in Taurus. It's almost like I am uncomfortable with how uncomfortable I seem to make the Moon person just by being me. And if you live with them it's basically arguments galore. And getting a lot of the silent treatment. When I'm the Moon person it's sort of better, mostly because it's between mutable signs. Gemini and Sagittarius are light enough in their demeanor that I can ignore most of the friction but this also means that their Sun Squares my Mars and its very evident here, esp with the Sag suns. Like waaay more evident here than in the opposition for some reason. Like there is a general sense of interest in just meandering through the world together, like it's quite explorative in the physical world and in thought but most of the Sagittarius Suns that I've interacted with said they thought I was a bit of a bully(and I quote, "Do you even care about anything? Why do you always have to be so rude? And loud?") and too aggressive for their liking(I did ask why every time, I never really got a clear explanation so I cannot confirm the exact reason. My interaction with Sag Suns generally tend to be goofy and nice if it's kept short but long term its just goofy and confusing). And the Gemini Suns were great, had a lot of fun with them but ultimately it just fizzled out after many of the big clashes between us became evident. Overall as the Moon person the aspect wasn't too loud. But I prefer these two signs as moons signs.
The Trine/Sextile: actually pretty neat? Like both ways, especially with the trine. Takes me a while to notice the serenity of them but when I finally do take notice, I am hooked. Being the Sun is similar to being the Sun in the conjunction, just far less intense and more playful. And this is the only Sun/Moon aspect where I thoroughly enjoy being the Moon person. I love how light and almost airy it is, even when I'm dealing with a Scorpio Sun. Which seems crazy but it really works fine.
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charcubed · 8 months
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I NEEEED people—especially those with unfathomably large platforms???—to start doing just a tiny bit of internal evaluation before they log onto a blue website and say “I don’t want these queer characters to fuck in canon” or “I’d be fine if these characters never kissed again” or whatever.
This is a post about Good Omens and the prospect of Aziraphale and Crowley potentially having sex in season 3. It's a response to a tweet that I'm crossposting, but let it be known the above statement and this topic applies broadly across multiple fandoms too.
But anyway, in regards to Good Omens specifically:
I am seeing this take that essentially boils down to "Canon has now made it clear that these characters want to have sex with each other through subtext (i.e. Aziraphale and the ox), but I don’t want that to reach narrative completion because the idea of them having sex makes me uncomfortable or isn’t my personal preference” and it is, to put it mildly and delicately, A Very Bad Take.
This is rhetorical (and I do not expect or particularly want an answer), but: explain to me how and why queer characters who are unavoidably visibly queer (aka 2 "man-shaped beings") fucking on screen wouldn’t be a net positive, especially when you can indicate how canon has set it up.
Presumably, some people say things like this because ~they want to see them as visibly ace.~ Okay. But by some of these people’s own admission, there IS more evidence in canon now to indicate these characters crave sex with each other (vs arguing otherwise)... yet people would rather that be ignored/erased all for the sake of them feeling comfortable or feeling better about what canon shows or doesn’t show explicitly??
I’m sorry, but—speaking as an ace person, to be clear—your personal preferences for the story shouldn’t / don’t affect anything here. There’s too much in this.
Yeah, I understand on a personal level not having “representation.” I almost never see myself or my unique experiences and identity reflected in stories. And yet, I also understand that that doesn’t change any story or the world in which we live. Things like this are not said in a vacuum.
Any queer characters having sex on screen IS a net positive. It is rare and impactful, and openly calling for or hoping for otherwise when canon points to its potential is a detrimental alliance with purity culture, whether intentionally or accidentally. Because we live in a Goddamn society!
Who knows (other than Neil Gaiman) whether Aziraphale and Crowley ARE going to fuck on international TV. None of us do! But the subtext right now blatantly says they’re starving for it. And you don’t have to like the prospect of that, but honestly? We SHOULD get to see it play out. There’s no truly legitimate reason we shouldn’t ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whether you "prefer" it or not.
And my ultimate hot take is… if someone balks at the idea of that or doesn’t understand the importance of it, despite even seeing the subtext… then they should perhaps unpack that? Just a thought.
Truly the way fandoms are managing to hit either “subtext doesn’t count :/ ” or “let’s keep it to subtext so it’s ‘open to interpretation’ :) ” nowadays depending on what corner one visits is MADDENING. Whiplash-inducing. Surreal. And so much nonsense you can’t pick where to start.
So! I do genuinely hope I'm not kicking off discourse but I felt this Needed To Be Said (and on more than one site). Because posts like “even if they never kiss again, we’ve won <3 “ make me want to be like…
These characters are YEARNING. Do not doom them and us to it. For once, we can reach for the stars and maybe–against all odds–pull them down. Embrace it!
---
[Update: after more discourse has occurred, I have somewhat elaborated on this further, from the POV of the significance of the queer themes in Good Omens and more specifically how they center illicit pleasure/desire]
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elysiansparadise · 6 months
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heyyy i love ur posts and i wanna ask what u think about 11h moon<3
btw i love the way u set up ur whole aesthetic and how u lay everything out on ur account its amazing and was sooo helpful when i was trying to learn the basics of astrology
Hello, thanks for loving my posts. I appreciate your comment, delighted to know that this helped you somehow. 😊
Moon in the 11th house
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Altruistic, gentle and very empathetic with other people. People, even if they just meet them, tend to quickly feel confident with these natives, even going so far as to tell them private things shortly after meeting them. With this placement of the Moon, the native has the ability to be popular, to win the affection of people and to attract friends who give him unconditional support. Now that I mention the word friendship, these natives are great people to have by your side, because the loyalty, affection and reassurance they are able to give are unique. They are genuinely happy for the achievements and happiness of their friends and it is very important to them that they feel comfortable emotionally and to show themselves as they are. People with a sublime and understandable soul, who, regardless of the differences they may have with others, are attentive and kind. These natives may feel somewhat different from their family or people their age, it is possible that they deal with the feeling of not having fit in with a group at some point in their life, the sense of belonging is something very important for them, even if it is difficult for them to verbalize it. 
The Moon being in an air house, makes them very rational people as far as their emotions are concerned, but that does not mean they are insensitive, quite the opposite, by removing the idea that they have the absolute truth, they are able to understand the motives and people's emotional worlds, which gives them great emotional intelligence. In some cases they may deal with the idea of ​​wanting to take care of their friends or the group they feel they belong with out of an internal need to be cared for in the same way. They very much apply the idea of ​​being the support they felt they didn't have when they were younger. They do not tolerate injustice, and can feel a lot of emotional pain when faced with it, so they will always be willing to support the causes they consider. They are typical people who help strangers and give them an encouraging and genuine smile. They can easily improve people's moods and make them feel that everything will be better. It is very likely that they feel some distance from some members of their family, more than they would like, but throughout their lives they can make friends that feel like family.
As I mentioned before, popularity is something quite common with this placement, these people can be very appreciated and recognized especially on the internet, it is quite common to see celebrities with this placement. They have the desire to contribute something to society, whether it be changes, help, knowledge, etc. They may want to do something significant or big. In financial terms, they may have some ups and downs in their income, but they have the ability to handle it. They are likely to make money as teachers, chefs, content creators, entrepreneurs or psychologists. Even if they seem to be very people-oriented people, these natives need to feel autonomous and enjoy their time alone. In fact, it is likely that when faced with a difficult event, they prefer to isolate themselves to process everything at the beginning, since feeling their support back is something crucial for them. The relationship with the mother can be somewhat complex, and the native is likely to feel that they are very different in terms of ideals. In the best of cases, the native feels motivated by their mother to follow their dreams, in the most tense case there may be a lot of emotional distance with her.
-> Go back to the masterlist
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autism-connoisseur · 10 months
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what's your take on karkat now that you know his big secret?
genuinely amazing how his whole personality is a defense mechanism.... this guy cares he cares so much but his whole life hes had to push people away lest they Find Out.... living in constant alert ever since he had consciousness of how Different he was and how dangerous that was for him, knowing that everyone around him would cull him on the spot if they found out about It.... if im not mistaken trolls' tears are the color of their blood so he also had to repress himself to Not Cry. and for a person as emotional as karkat thats such a challenge!! not even out of sadness, or grief, but people also cry out of happiness, nostalgia, frustration, anger... those two especially i can see happening to karkat. and hed hate it.
he can be so Mean sometimes, perpetually angry... sure, it might be part of his personality, he is definitely easily irritated and prone to heat-of-the-moment decisions (like when he ran sollux's code and promptly exploded his computer and cast a curse on himself & his friends) but like i said, he's lived his entire life having to be Alert, not being able to let his guard down, because he would die if he did!! and at the same time he needs to prove himself, prove that despite being Wrong and Different he can do things!! he can be useful!!! maybe if he makes himself useful enough someone will even see him as a person and not just a mutant... thats why he is so dead set on being the leader. much like dave he has lived his whole life Needing To Be In Control Of Things (rose too, but shes more like she needs to Understand People, if she can read people correctly then she can avoid them flipping on her (no she cant that is not how it works babe)), but whereas dave is content with letting june be the leader (even if he wants to surpass her, hes very much doing his own thing anyways) karkat NEEDS to be the leader because that way he will prove that hes capable (to his friends in particular but to society as a whole, they are basically a mini representation of society anyways with each of them representing each caste).
but also he blames himself, he blames himself so much whenever anything goes slightly wrong and that feeling just gets amplified since he ran sollux's virus. it's a vicious circle for him since he needs to be in control and call the shots to feel like hes useful (defense mechanism, you wouldn't get rid of an useful pest even if he was a pest now would you?), but whenever something goes wrong under his command he freaks out (maybe relating it to his blood color? like he is Bad so this happened. also we know he takes sollux's virus's curse very seriously), he takes it as proof that He Personally Is Wrong and obviously everyone knows this, but since he doesnt want to be seen as that and he wants society to accept him without ever realizing there was a reason they shouldnt (see: also why he wanted to join the military or some part of it at the very least) he doubles on his efforts on Controlling everything.
and when he realizes they created our universe, it finally gives him a chance to be above someone. to be the powerful and not the powerless, the respected and not the shunned. its why he treats the beta kids as stupid, inferior beings, and why he constantly points out that he is their god even though he isnt (well he technically is but you get it). it mimicks the way some highbloods treat lowbloods, but where the highbloods are like that because society told them it's their natural right that they were born with, karkat does it to forget what that same society told him: that he was somehow intrinsically worse than anyone else. so bad, in fact, that he'd be better of dead. actually, he'd be so better off dead that they want him dead, that they will kill him as soon as they find him. so of course he takes the chance to not feel like that! of course he wants to feel superior! he needs to be the one above for once, he needs that control over someone instead of feeling like he needs to watch out for everything and anything. he sees a chance to not be the lowest link in the chain, and he takes it. sure, he may be a mutant, but theyre human... and not just any humans. the very same humans that doomed their session, the session karkat threw himself into because not only did it grant him escape from a planet that hated his existence (as much as he also idealized, trying to fit in, trying to not be seen as Abnormal even though all the beta trolls are Abnormal & don't fit in), it also gave him the chance to, like i said, prove himself.
he trusts his friends, he does, and he said he'd tell them his blood color eventually. but he needed to be ready and that's why both jack noir & terezi, or at least their reactions, are so important to him. neither of them shuns him, they don't attack him, they don't make fun of him of call him aberrant or do anything that most trolls would. fair, jack noir isn't a troll, and he doesn't even understand why karkat is freaking out. but when he shows him his own blood, the same color, karkat is suddenly not alone. even if red blood doesn't mean anything special to jack, to karkat it means the world to see that he is not some abomination, that the universe didn't signal him out to be different than the rest forever and always. and terezi, terezi is what really does it for him. shes somewhat high in the hemospectrum, she is someone that karkat likes (and apparently kissed! good for him because God knows the kid didn't let anyone in out of fear of being found out), she is a troll. and she doesn't mind. she even calls him adorable in the same log! the beta trolls are outcasts of the alternian society; and they are karkat's friends. that's why he was willing to tell them eventually: it was his secret to keep and his secret to share. and even if terezi found out when he wasn't ready yet, her reaction was absolutely positive. again, these kids are the furthest away from troll society as they can be, almost its opposite, which is why karkat thought about telling them, is willing to tell them. he knows hes safe with them.
ive seen people point out how his handle (carcinoGeneticist) references his sign (carcinogenesis is the process by which an organism gains cancer) and both these things represent how hes considered an anomaly & something to be rid of, something sick; i also think it's. ironic that he's the knight of blood, but i don't know enough about classpects yet to analyze that. it must have felt like a cruel joke to him, though, being told that his literal title was someone who fights for the same thing he's ostracized for. it would certainly piss me off that's for sure.
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bomber-grl · 4 months
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A Night To Remember
Pairing(s): Felix Escellun x Gn!Reader (referred to as mc)
Yes I did name it after Laufeys & beabadoobees song | Also I’m aware this is painfully similar to the last chapter but I couldn’t find any better event in the timeline to apply this scenario
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It wasn’t a particularly good night, I mean so much chaos had happened.
Not only did Felix not have the ability to do magic anymore, but his father just made it worse.
Luckily he wasn’t as bad but his presence was still insufferable to both you and Felix. Not to mention the obvious disgust Felix would paint on his face whenever he’d see his father, mostly because of how close he was to killing you.
You opened the door to his room with a creak, studying everything you could became a nightly routine. You could tell how exhausted Felix was, especially since it’s barely been 2 days since the events had conspired.
“Hey” you sat down next to Felix, who was slumped down on the ground with his head hung in between his knees.
He grumbled but ultimately lifted his head and let out a sigh,” what is it?”
“Why don’t we stop for today? “ he immediately jolted “-and before you can protest, I’m tired and I’d rather have you there with me..ok?” You knew he’d most likely reject the idea of giving up if you weren’t the reason.
You could tell he was thinking of a smart retort before his shoulders slumped and he just nodded in defeat.
You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face and you hugged Felix in gratitude to his compliance.
-
You and Felix ended up settled in bed, and although this was initially your idea… it was admittedly kinda awkward since you weren’t exactly sleepy anymore.
Felix’s sudden outburst of laughter brought you out of your thoughts. “What? What are you laughing at?” You said almost pouting.
“No, nothing at all but the fact that you brought me here without any other thought to what we’d do next, it’s almost like… you wanted me for something.” You could sense Felix’s flirty teasing from a mile away and you honestly couldn’t help but indulge.
“Annnnd what if I did? What then?” You leaned in and as fast as Felix’s bold side slept out, it seemed to disappear.
A blush instantly took its spot across his face and now it was your turn to laugh. Despite this fun moment, things returned back to that awkward silence that you hated so much.
And as did that expression on Felix’s face, the expression that told you everything you needed to know. You instantly reached and cradled Felix’s head into your arms. You felt his entire body tense but eventually fill with ease.
“I know it’s difficult for you now that you got stripped of your magic” he let out a laugh and something you only managed to hear because of your close proximity, “yes, I’ve noticed.”
It wasn’t rare for Felix to retort with passive aggressive comments nowadays but it didn’t stop you from feeling just a little bit hurt.
You leaned away from Felix so that you could see his face. Obvious regret on his face and eventually he just sighed and looked at you face on.
“I-I’m sorry, I know Im being difficult even if I don’t mean to” his eyebrows furrowed and he looked anywhere but you.
“im… being a brat” he pauses and almost lets out a bitter laugh “I’d understand if you left with zero interest in me anymore.”
This genuinely shocked you “Felix..” your face obviously portraying how you felt you decided to just give Felix the biggest hug ever, at that he let out a surprised whimper.
His arms reached toward your back and returned the hug, but as soon as you hugged him you put distance to look straight at him.
“Felix, I never will get tired of you, or leave, or just go anywhere else. I mean you practically had one of the things that makes up your identity ripped from you- I…I love you too much to let you go…”
You refused to look at him, I mean you just directly professed your love for him! You could clearly see the shock and flush in Felix’s face in your peripheral vision.
“Mc…” before he buried his head in your chest you could distinctly see his bottom lip wobble, even if just a little.
He hugged you in a way that you couldn’t see his face, just so his lips would hover over your ear.
“I love you too”
it was a whisper if anything, and you could hear the wobble in it but you loved it all the same.
It came from Felix after all
You began laughing in giddiness and pulled away to attack Felix’s face with seemingly endless kisses.
“M-mc! What are you doing-mnph-“ you abruptly kissed him on his lips and whether if it was to shut him up or to show him you loved him, he’d never know.
You completely dominated the kiss and when you separated, initially to your dismay, Felix then wrapped his hands around your neck and pulled you down. He kissed your nose, cheek, and forehead and lastly your lips.
His cheeks were ablaze but that didn’t stop his boldness
“I’m glad to have you as my partner, mc” he was obviously beyond coherent and his face was hot to the touch but he was still so sweet.
“Me too Felix, even more so than you” you said without thinking. Felix snorted and in usual fashion retorted “well…. I love you most”.
The rest of the night was spent with you tickling, spilling secrets and just lazily kissing. In the end though, you fell asleep with Felix in your arms and he slept as happily and secure more than he ever has.
———————————————————
Sorta rushed, pls forgive 😔
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simplyreveries · 2 months
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Hey, if the request are open and that you're okay with angst, can I ask the Diasomnia dorm loving a male or gn!reader that doesn't love them back ? The Reader is aromantic and just can't love.
Ignore it if you don't want to write ! And don't forget to have a good day.
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malleus draconia
he is slightly taken aback when you don't reciprocate his feelings. he tends to understand and interpret things wrongly- i mean, especially coming from humans. he wasn't expecting this, it also is understandably new to him as well. there just may have been a surprise like mentioned, he was a little saddened because when he feels, he feels strongly. but he doesn't actually find himself to really be all that upset about it soon after and understanding you better.
if anything, malleus would be quite content and satisfied if you didn't let his initial feelings get in the way of that. he would find himself just wanting you okay and you to be happy- even if that doesn't mean it's with him in a romantic sense. you've genuinely showed him and treated him with such kindness he thinks you deserve nothing but that as well. he will continue to be with you, even if its platonically.
lilia vanrouge
he never really confessed to you, because he already had some sense of understanding that you'll never reciprocate those feelings. lilia is observant-- so even if you don't mention it to him, he easily picks up on your feelings and generally who you are. never seemed to bring it up though, he only keeps note. now, lilia has lived for several hundred years, he's experienced many kinds of feelings, heartbreaks, and such- so though he does love hard at times he has learned to not take it completely to heart.
lilia would still continue to watch over you and cherish you as a friend and that only. though yes, his feelings may linger in him for a while, he is well aware that the emotions will pass... eventually. it doesn't stop him from hanging out with you, popping up randomly and surprising you at school to talk with you, inviting you to diasomnia for tea. he'll never erase the current relationship the two of you have over his own feelings, you're too dear to him.
silver
he is conflicted, when he first realizes that he is starting to fall for you, it hits him like a brick. he doesn't know how to handle these emotions since he's never had much of the opportunity to experience them. you're his friend, who he can't help but feel enamored by. silver always seem to have this troubled look on his face more and more as time goes on. he notices that you probably wouldn't feel the same way, it wasn't until you offhandedly mention something about it him in conversation. you two are close, so it felt natural to.
it was then he fully understood, so he never confessed to you. he would silently nod and listen as you talked. he keeps it to himself- even if he can't be with you like that, he wants to be by your side still. you're a good soul and he'll seem to never shake off the feelings of protectiveness over someone like you. he's more than willing to stay by you, even as a friend.
sebek zigvolt
when it comes to sebek dealing with his growing feelings for you, you either can tell it from a mile away or think he hates you from his mixed signals. when he confesses to you, its abrupt and loud out of his own nervousness, that eventually turns into uncharacteristically quiet and quieter. when you deny his feelings, he doesn't understand, only because at first, he interpreted it as you genuinely not liking who he is. that is until you begin to carefully explain why not.
sebek just like the rest of diasomnia, will still want some sort of friendship with you. though, it does take him a while to go through the feelings of rejection and handling these things- he doesn't want to let you go. he is a knight; he always has a sense of dedication.
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