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halsteadlover · 6 months

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𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

*Gif and pics not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Will Halstead x Fem!Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Summary: danger is always behind the corner and you learn to never let your guard down when you find yourself in a situation between life and death. Will your husband be able to save you? Will he find you in time?

• Warnings: mention of domestic violence, stab wound, blood, cursing, Will is kind of a dumbass at the beginning (what can we say? Men…)

• Word count: 5642.

• A/N: I fucking hate how this turned out bye. I’m sorry for any mistake or grammar error.

That morning everything seemed normal.

You treated patients, cured some, discharged others and between one break and another you wasted no time going to your husband to give him a little kiss.

“What do you want eat tonight baby?” he asked. You and Will were in the doctors' break room during one of the aforementioned breaks, only the two of you in there. You were sitting on the small couch next to each other, his arm around your shoulders while you ate a bag of chips.

“Do you want to cook?”.

He looked at you for a moment and you chuckled at his expression. You both had to do a double shift that day so you knew neither of you would even want to go near the kitchen once you got back home.

“I’d like Mexican, what you think?”.

“Hell yeah! You know I never say no to Mexican food.”

He laughed at the enthusiasm you showed, meanwhile playing with strands of your hair. “Mexican it is then.”

You continued to devour the chips under your husband’s gaze who looked at you as if he had seen a mystical creature for the first time. “What? I’m hungry.” You babbled with your mouth half full.

“You don't even share with your beloved husband? So greedy.”

You glared at him before taking the last chip left in the bag and shoving it into your mouth, moaning heartily in his face. “No matter how much I love you, you know very well I don't share my food with anyone.”

He rolled his eyes, trying to hide a smile. “Wipe your mouth you pretty little bitch.”

But before you could reach for a tissue he came closer to you and licked the corner of your mouth, bursting out laughing when you pushed him away, wiping yourself with a tissue from the coffee table in front of you. “Ew Will you're disgusting!”

“Disgusting? You don't seem to complain when you take my dick in...-”

You covered his mouth with your hand before he could finish his sentence and let someone hear, feeling him smile as his eyes glistened at you. You should’ve predicted though that in true child style, he’d lick the palm of your hand.

“Will for fuck’s sake! Stop it!”.

“I can’t! God baby you're so easy to piss of,” he continued laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world. You looked at him sideways before wiping your hand on his white coat. “C’mon give me a kiss now, come on.”

He wrapped his arms around your hips, trying to pull you towards him to kiss you while you tried to push him away by pressing your hands on his chest.

“No! Go away!”.

You continued to fight like children until, however, that playful atmosphere was interrupted when the door opened and Maggie entered.

“Here you are! Stop acting like lovebirds and go back to work. We have two new patients, victims of a car crash.”

After quickly washing your hands you left the break room, following Will and Maggie. You and Will exchanged a look before splitting up to go to the two patients.

The patient you took into your care – whose name you found out was Amanda – was in a critical condition: fractures of the femur and humerus not to mention the small fractures in almost her entire body, a sprained arm that would’ve required a cast, an internal hemorrhage due to the rupture of the spleen.

As you and the nurses worked to stabilize Amanda as quickly as possible, you couldn't help but notice something that bothered you quite a bit.

On her lower back, around her arms, on her thighs there were bruises that were not compatible with the dynamics of the car crash and which based on their almost faded color seemed to date back to some time ago.

“Amanda, did you have another accident a few days ago?” You asked her, your voice low so the rest of the team wouldn't hear you. She looked at you with a heartbroken expression and her eyes filled with tears before shaking her head.

“I'm just very clumsy and distracted, I often fall or bump into furniture and doors.”

Her voice was shaking and your heart tightened, knowing it was a complete lie.

“Amanda… You're safe here okay? Say one word, anything and whoever did this won't hurt you again...”

“No, no, no, no,” she became agitated and her heart monitor began to beep from her rapid heartbeat. “Please don't say anything doctor… He… Please. He's a good husband, he's just a little tired and stressed lately.”

“Hey, hey, it's okay Amanda, it's okay. I'm just here to help you.” You shook her hand and she nodded weakly. “But whatever he told you, it isn’t…-”

“It’s fine just… Just cure me.” She tore her eyes away from yours, bringing them to the ceiling even if more tears continued to fall.

It was clear that Amanda was a victim of domestic violence, she was literally terrified of her husband. You felt helpless, your heart broke for her even if you couldn’t even imagine what she was going through.

You were treating that woman knowing she’d go home and her husband would start beating her again. What kind of doctor were you if you hadn't helped her?

But how could you help someone who didn't want to be helped?

You should’ve called the police, but what would you have said to them? It was your assumption even if all the bruises and healed bone fractures were evidence of physical abuse, but you knew how the police worked, they couldn't do anything if there was no complaint from the victim. And you knew if you called them, Amanda would deny everything and it’d affect her worse than it already did.

You sent Amanda to run some tests and left her room after throwing away your gloves and washing your hands. Your mind was only focused on her as you filled out her medical records so much you didn't even hear Will come closer to you until he put his hand around her waist to great you, leaving a kiss on you temple.

“Baby you okay? How is the wife?” He asked as he picked up her bastard husband's newly created medical record.

“She was in critical condition but I believe she’ll make full recovery. The husband?”.

“He was luckier, he only suffered a few bruises and small fractures. The guy must be madly in love with his wife, all he did was ask about her and say he wanted to see her.”

“I think Amanda is a victim of domestic violence, your guy isn't in love at all,” you voiced your concerns before placing your pen on the papers and looking at Will.

“You sure?”.

“She has bruises all over her body clearly from days ago and her X-Rays show old healed fractures. Not mentioning how she’s terrified of him.”

“Wow…” Will breathed out, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “There must be an explanation…”

“Babe did you hear a word I just said? We have to help that woman. He’ll kill sooner or later.”

“Don't you think you're a little bit exaggerating a little love?” Will put his hands on your shoulders “If she doesn't tell you anything there's nothing we can do…”

“Will, he beats the shit out of her and God knows what else does to her!” You whispered/shouted with frustration. “She doesn't say anything so we let that bastard beat her?”.

“I didn’t mean that! What I was trying to say is just… Don't jump to conclusions, there must be other reasons why she must’ve gotten those bruises…”

“Oh yeah of course. She must hit herself on the side so hard she left a shoe imprint on her skin for fun. This really makes sense.” You snapped the folder close and walked away, ignoring Will who tried to call you out.

You were pissed off.

It was always the same exact story, over and over again.

How the fuck were women supposed to trust the system and report abuses when those who were part of this system didn't even believe them?

You talked to Amanda, stood by her side during her MRI and the other tests, keeping her away from her husband as much as possible.

You didn't force her to say anything, you didn't insist to let her talk about what was happening in her household. It wouldn't do her any good, you wanted her to know she had a choice, you wanted to give her as much time as possible to think about what to do.

“Whatever happened I believe you Amanda, okay? You don't have to be afraid and I'll be here to help you if you want.”

That was all you said to her about the topic and she nodded slightly before bursting into a liberating and heartbreaking cry. You stayed with her the whole time, hugging her and reassuring her that everything would be okay, that she wasn’t alone.

Yet she said nothing to you, nothing about her husband, deeply terrified of the consequences there might be.

She eventually fell asleep and you let her rest, telling the nurses to always keep an eye on her and to let you know immediately if anything happened.

“Dr. Y/Ln, Mr. Connell's X-Rays just arrived, Dr. Halstead left for another patient.” A nurse had told you as soon as you passed by their station. Your heart skipped a beat, realizing you didn’t meet Amanda’s husband yet.

You wanted so much to let him rot in hell but you couldn't, you had duties to fulfill as a doctor even if he was the most disgusting piece of shit on earth.

You took the envelope with the X-Rays and thanked the nurse before she went back helping other patients. You went to the bastard's room, taking a deep breath before entering.

You tried to hide your indignation as soon as you saw him lying on the bed, maintaining a professional and impassive expression.

“Who are you? Where is Dr. Halstead?” He asked as soon as you entered his room.

“I'm Dr. Y/Ln, he's busy at the moment.”

“My wife… Do you know where she is? How is she?”. If you hadn't seen the condition of Amanda's body you would’ve even thought he was really worried.

Son of a bitch.

You swallowed the anger that threatened to release words you’d regret and that you knew Amanda would pay the price for. “She's fine. She’s doing some tests,” you deadpanned before taking the X-Ray out of the folder. “There are no serious fractures, just a small one here on the collarbone…”

“I want to know where my wife is. Why doesn't anyone tell me anything?” He blurted out, not even letting you finish your sentence.

“Sir, as I said, she’s doing some tests. She was in quite critical condition and we’re doing our best to treat her,” you replied in a flat tone although your heart was pounding. The way he was looking at you made your skin crawl and your heart ached for Amanda and the fact she had to live with this piece of shit every single day.

“What tests is she doing?”.

“I’m sorry but I cannot discuss clinical details of other patients with other people.”

He looked at you angrily. “What the hell are you talking about? I’m her husband! I have the right to know how my wife is doing!”.

“Mr Connell I’m just trying to do my job. I just came here to show you your X-Rays, like…” You continued talking, holding up them again to show them to him but cut yourself off when he pulled the covers away from his body and stood up abruptly, making you take a step back in fear.

“What’s going on doctor? Why don't you want to update me on my wife's health status?” He stated through gritted teeth, taking steps towards you and looking at you menacingly. You slowly took as many steps back, your breathing quickening as fear took over you.

“Mr Connell, just go back to bed…”

“What did that filthy whore say to you?” He spat and you were about to rush to the door and run away when he violently pushed you against it, making you fall to the ground.

“What. Did. She. Say.” He grabbed your hair in a fist and pulling you back to your feet.

You squirmed to try to escape his grasp, digging your nails into his skin. “She didn't tell me anything… I don't know what you're talking about…”

He punched you in the face in response, causing you to let out a loud cry of pain as you fell to the ground again.

“Fuck,” you muttered, holding a hand to your nose and realizing you were bleeding.

In that moment you had a glimpses of what Amanda had to go through every single day of her life and you could really understand why she was so terrified of that man.

“Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about you bitch.”

You tried to get up but he grabbed your hair in a fist again and pushed you with force towards the emergency cart in the room, so violently some objects fell from it and some drawers opened.

“You piece of shit…” you spat as you tried to get up but he walked over to you and kicked you back to the ground.

It all happened quickly.

So quickly that between his attacks you didn't even have time to process what was happening. He was overpowering you and every time you tried to hit him so you could escape, he hit you back.

He pushed you on the floor, picked you up and tossed you around the room as if you were a garbage bag.

You were lying on the ground, curled up in a fetal position as you held your stomach after a painful kick to the stomach.

Your mind went to Will, wanting nothing more than your husband in that moment.

Baby please help me.

You lay down on your back in an attempt to catch some breath but a scream echoed through the room.

Your whole body froze and in an instant everything around you stopped.

What happened?

Was that scream yours?

A searing pain went through your abdomen and a warm sensation enveloped your body.

You lifted your head slightly only to realize in horror you had a pair of scissors impaled in your abdomen.

He fucking stabbed me.

You had treated hundreds of thousands of patients with stab wounds, you had always tried to reassure them, telling them you knew it hurt but everything would be fine.

But the truth was that you had no idea what your patients were feeling, the paralyzing fear, the excruciating pain, the terror of not surviving.

You don't fully know things until you go through them and in that moment, as the blood poured out of your stomach and smeared your red uniform, making it two shades darker, your body paralyzed by shock, you really understood how it felt.

Your chest rose and fell quickly as you struggled to breathe properly. Tears began to fell from your eyes when you saw the man bending over you and at that precise moment you feared your time had come.

You feared you’d never see Will again, that he wouldn’t find out until you were dead.

You needed him, you wanted your husband.

Please Will I need you.

The man pulled the scissors out of your wound which started to bleed a lot more, staining the floor red.

He looked into your eyes and the coldness he showed almost shocked you. They were glassy, empty, devoid of emotions and any trace of remorse.

“When you see my beloved wife, tell her to start planning her funeral.”

Without looking back, he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him, leaving you dying and immersed in a pool of your own blood.

The wound burned stingingly as you brought your trembling hands to it to try to make pressure, but in vain.

How could so much blood come out of a not so big wound?

Sounds of throbbing pain continued to escape your lips, your breathing heavy, your heart beating wildly.

You tried to move and lift yourself up but every time you ended up lying back on the ground.

You were too weak.

What you managed to do was crawl on your elbows, leaving a trail of blood on the floor with every step you made.

You raised an arm to try to open the door. Your trembling fingers even managed to wrap around the handle but the blood on them made you slip and fall to the floor again.

Your breathing was starting to slow down, as was your heartbeat. That feeling of heat that invaded your body turned into cold, forming goosebumps all over your skin.

You were tired. So incredibly tired.

You just wanted to get some sleep and rest a bit.

So you closed your eyes, not knowing if you’d open them again.

Will looked everywhere for you but couldn't find you. He even looked for you in Amanda's room who, however, had told him she hadn't seen you for some time. He thought you were avoiding him but he couldn't think you had abandoned your patients just to avoid talking to him.

“Have you seen Y/n?” He had asked Maggie as soon as he saw her walk by.

“No, but I’ll tell her to look for you as soon as I see her.”

It felt like you had disappeared off the face of the earth, he knew you’d never have left without warning unless it was an emergency.

He tried to page you so many times, to call you on your cell phone but nothing, he received no answer. His mind tried not to immediately think something bad had happened, he couldn't even imagine it, but it was all he could think about at that moment since no one seemed to have seen you for a while.

He thought you might’ve gone to talk to Amanda's husband, knowing you would’ve tried to confront him. So he went towards Jack’s room but he stopped in his tracks before opening the door when his feet stepped on something wet.

He lowered his gaze and looking down he soon realized with horror it was blood.

He tried to open the door carefully, his heart beating wildly as he imagined all sorts of scenarios in front of him.

The door didn't open completely, as if there was some sort of resistance on the other side, so Will tried to squeeze through the small space.

But nothing could’ve prepared him for what his eyes saw, for what he never wanted to see.

His heart stopped beating for a few seconds when his eyes fell on the unconscious figure lying on the floor and immersed in a pool of her own blood. That figure he’d never, ever wanted to see in that condition, not even in his worst nightmares. YOU.

“Oh my god Y/n!” He loudly exclaimed, immediately kneeling next to you and pressing his hands on your wound from which blood was still flowing. You didn't react, your eyes were closed, your heartbeat slow.

“Baby, wake up… Please, please, please, open your eyes.”

How long were you there? Why hadn't anyone notice this?

“Somebody help me! Hurry up!”.

“Oh shit!” The nurse who rushed there screamed, putting her hands over her mouth as soon as she saw Will kneeling down, covered in your own blood.

“Where the fuck were you?!” Will exclaimed angrily, his mind completely clouded from the anger, the confusion, from the fear of coming too late.

“Oh God… I… I gave her the patient's X-Rays… There was an emergency and… And… I-I had to leave…” she stammered, shocked.

Will gave her a murderous look that would’ve killed her on the spot if he could. He knew it wasn't her fault, just the bastard who did this to you, but he couldn't help but blame someone in that moment.

He brought his eyes back to you, only then noticing the scratches and bruises that surrounded your face.

Oh baby what did they do to you?

“I'm here love, I'm here… It's okay. You’ll be fine. Just hang on for a bit.”

One of his hands let go of your wound to check your pulse, realizing it was barely noticeable. His heart tightened in a vice as he caressed her face, staining it with your own blood.

“Please wake up, please… Don't do this to me baby, you can't… You can't… I need you…” He kept repeating, his eyes starting to glaze over with tears after yelling for help again. Dr. Crockett, who was passing by at the time, intervened immediately as soon as he realized what was happening.

“What the hell happened?!” He asked urgently as he watched the horrific scene that seemed to come out from a horror movie. “We need to take her to the OR immediately, prepare four bags of 0 neg, she's lost too much blood!”

But Will didn't let you go, he continued to stay there putting pressure on your wound and keeping his gaze fixed on you.

“Will…” Crockett murmured placing a hand on his shoulder “She'll be make it okay? She’s in good hands but you have to let me do my job, you can’t be here.”

“Will!”.

Only then he seemed to realize Crockett was actually talking to him. He slightly nodded, reluctantly letting you go and watching as they carried you away.

He was in shock, struggling to believe what was happening was reality and not just a fucking nightmare.

He raised his now red and trembling hands and his eyes looked at them for a few moments, analyzing and carefully observing the blood he hardly struggled to believe was yours.

What the hell happened?

There was no doubt it was that bastard Jack Connell who did this to you and an anger he had never felt before ran through him.

He was furious.

Furious because he had allowed someone to hurt you, because he had failed to protect you, furious with himself because he didn’t believed you when you expressed your concern.

He was devastated.

Desperate.

It was all his fault.

He stayed there for he didn't know how long, looking at those hands that until recently were pressing on your wound, the same hands that until a few hours before were holding you and hugging you.

When he finally looked up around the room, he noticed what a dire, chaotic mess there was and it was clear there had been a fight before.

Only then he realized there was no trace of that bastard, that he had probably already escaped from the hospital and with the tumultuous coming and going of patients, nurses and doctors no one had even noticed him.

He took his cell phone out of his pocket, not caring he was getting blood on it, and with trembling fingers dialed Jay's number.

Jay almost had a heart attack when he heard about what happened and seeing his brother covered in blood was awful even if he knew it wasn't his. He was worried for you while trying to calm Will down. But he was still in a catalytic state so Jay stayed with him, helping him clean himself up.

Will explained to his brother it was probably Jack Connell who did it, he told him your concerns about him mentally and physically abusing his wife but that he didn't believe you.

“It's not your fault okay? I want you to understand this. It was his fault, it’s him who did this to her and I promise we’ll get him and make him pay for what he did to her, he’ll rot in prison. An attack on Y/n is an attack on all of us.” He tried to reassure Will. “She'll make it, she’s strong but she needs you now, she needs you to be by her side, I know you're scared now but you have to be strong for her, brother.”

Will was completely losing his mind while waiting for your surgery to be over, not sitting for even a minute as he paced back and forth in the waiting room, waiting at the same time some news from Jay.

When Crockett finally came out of the OR and announced the surgery had gone well and that he had managed to sew up the wound, Will couldn't help but hug him in the throes of joy and happiness.

As he walked to the ICU, he felt a weight pressing down on his shoulders, anxiety gnawing at his stomach to the point it made him feel nauseous.

His legs trembled as he approached your bed, his palms sweated, his eyes watered as he looked at you lying on that bed, unconscious.

He sat down on a chair next to you, taking one of your hands as his thumb caressed your skin. He pressed his lips on your knuckles, leaving a chaste and small kiss so light as if he was afraid of hurting you.

He sniffed when he realized a few tears had escaped his eyes, quickly wiping them away with his fingers. “I'm so sorry baby, this wasn't supposed to happen to you,” He whispered, looking at you while struggling to keep his emotions inside.

He felt terribly guilty.

It was his fault you were on that bed.

It was his fault you had to suffer.

His heart tightened as he thought about what you had to go through and he hated himself for not being able to prevent it, for not believing you.

He didn't want to think about how scared you had been, how terrified you were of dying, how many you had called for him but he didn’t come.

“I'm so sorry I didn't believe you, I'll never forgive myself,” he kept talking to you. “How can you be so beautiful even on a hospital bed? I really am a lucky bastard.”

He smiled faintly as he looked at you. “Please wake up baby, show me those beautiful eyes I fell so madly in love with… I’m begging you…”

He stood up and left a kiss on your forehead while stroking your hair at the same time before sitting back on the chair.

“I already miss you so much you know that? I'm sorry I don't tell you often how much I love you, I'm sorry I only realized now that I risked losing you how much you mean to me. Don't get me wrong I already know this, you’re one of the most important person in my life, God only knows I can't live without you... But I didn't realize how intensely and deeply you affect my life Y/n. You… Damn it…” He finished the sentence with a sigh as he tried to find the right words.

“I can't exist without you, I can't think properly, I can’t breathe, I... I’m nothing. You completed me, you always managed to fill the void I’ve always felt inside, you’ve always been that fundamental piece to complete the puzzle. Just… Please… Please don't leave me.”

There was a moment of silence, broken only by the beeps of the monitor connected to your heart. He left another kiss on the back of your hand, his eyes never leaving your sleeping face.

“I love you so much Y/n Halstead, you have no idea how much. I stop to think about our wedding day every now and then and you don't know how much money I’d pay to go back to that day and see you again in that beautiful white dress... God I would say yes to you a million more times and if we lived other lives I would say yes to you in those too because meeting you and marrying you was the best thing I've ever done in my entire life.”

“I'm so sorry…” He whispered, the words dying in his throat before he let out a silent cry, his forehead resting on the bed as he continued to silently pray.

“I heard you the first thousand times Dr Halstead…”

Will snapped his head to you, his eyes widening and almost having a heart attack when he saw you were finally awake and looking at him.

You had a small smile on your lips, trying not to chuckle as you looked at the shocked look on his face.

“Baby oh my fucking god!” He almost screamed before leaning over you and hugging you in the rush of joy and happiness. He held you tightly for an indefinite time, fearing for a moment it was a hallucination.

He let you go though when you let out a painful sigh. “Shit I'm sorry love.” He sat down again. “How are you? How are you feeling? You need something? Are you hurting? God I missed you so much.”

“The wound hurts a little but overall I'm fine...” You replied, your voice thick and hoarse. “What happened? Where is that son of a bitch? Is Amanda okay?”.

“He ran away after what… What he did to you and I called Jay, they'll catch him I promise. Amanda is okay, Jay questioned her and she told him everything, you were right about the abuse… I’m so sorry for not believing you.”

You nodded feebly, momentarily looking away from Will who kept his eyes on you with a broken look on his face, and you took a deep breath, more painful than you would’ve ever imagined.

Image after image of the attack replayed in your mind.

Of the screams no one seemed to hear.

Of the prayers to let you go.

Of his hands punching you and throwing you against the walls and objects in the room as if you were garbage.

Of his feet kicking you.

Of those scissors that had torn your skin and stabbed you.

“Oh baby.” You felt Will's thumb wipe away a tear that had slipped down your temple without you even realizing it. “C’mere.”He stood up and hugged you as best he could again, being careful this time not to hurt you. “It's okay, you're here with me now and you're safe. That piece of shit won't hurt you again I promise.”

It was as if that hug had triggered something inside you and you burst into tears, lifting your arms and encircling his chest while venting all the suppressed emotions.

“I was… I was so scared Will… T-that I wouldn't see you again…”

Will pressed his lips to your forehead, leaving a sweet and long kiss as he savored and thanked the angels for still giving the opportunity to do it.

“I know darling, I know, I can't even imagine what you went through…”

He stroked your hair, your skin marred by scratches and bruises. “It shouldn't have happened to you, I'm so sorry my love. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you...” he kissed you again. “But you're safe now okay? Now you're here with me, you're safe, and unless I’ll die I'll never let you out of my sight again.”

You giggled through your tears, hugging again the man you loved more than anything else.

“I love you so much more Will Halstead, it's not your fault okay? Please always remember that, it wasn't you who did it but that son of a bitch.”

He didn't answer but held you tighter, hiding his face in the crook of your neck while your fingers ran through his fluffy hair. Your heart broke when you realized he was crying.

“Hey, hey, it's okay. You really think I would leave you? Who would’ve made your life a living hell if I died?” You tried to ease the tension. “Oh baby I love you so much.”

“I thought I lost you… When I found you there…” His words came muffled but he stopped, not even being able to finish the sentence. He didn't want to think about those horrible moments anymore, about the fear he felt, even though he knew those images would never leave his mind.

A feeling of anguish took hold of you after hearing he was the one who found you. You couldn't imagine how horrible it was to find your wife, your partner, the person you care about most, almost dying.

“Shh it’s okay,” you whispered “Look at me.”

He slightly lifted his head and if your heart wasn't broken enough already, it was in that moment. You cupped your hands over his face, wiping away his tears with your thumbs. He leaned into your touch, looking at you as if you were one of the seven wonders of the world.

“I'm here, I'll get better. It’s. Not. Your. Fault. If anything you saved me baby, if you hadn't found me I would’ve probably bled to death so stop blaming yourself okay? Do it for me.“

He nodded and you smiled before pressing your lips to his in a sweet, gentle kiss.

“I’m so sorry love I don’t want to make this about me,” he said wiping again his tears and you both chuckled.

“Yeah yeah, sure, you egocentric bastard.” You rolled your eyes and burst out laughing at the same time even if you stopped immediately after, holding your stomach. “Fuck it hurts.”

“I know you’re so funny baby but take it easy.”

Despite everything, despite the pain, the anxiety and the terror of dying, the fear of never seeing that red hair again, of never hugging him, you were so grateful for still being there. You were grateful to life for giving you another opportunity, for allowing to live, to cry again, to love.

General tag list: @hngbrooks, @alexxavicry, @halstead-severide-fan, @mrspeacem1nusone, @allivs, @omniaimy, @cursedashes, @kmc1989, @klovesreading, @firetruckstuckley

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moonlightazriel · 1 month

Text

Chapter 2: New world same problems /// Azriel X F!Reader

Summary: Y/N meets their leader and get some answers.

Word Count: 3,2K

Warnings: Just some angst and swearing.

Notes: I hate how tumblr posts drafts when you edit them, so we had another leak with this one. Great just great. Also, if you're not getting notified even if you're in the taglist, please let me know!!

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Green liquid dripped from the beast's exposed teeth, as well as the thorns adorned the tail he had placed in front of her as a barrier. They had no way of getting closer to her, the option was either get eaten or get poisoned, if the flowers dying where the liquid touched was any indication of it.

Cassian knew that too, and he motioned for Azriel to leave his shadows by his side so he wouldn’t scare the female. If he dared turn away from her, he would see that his shadows were already pooled by his feet, calmly resting like they did when no threat lingered around.

“You’re in Prythian.” Cassian started, hands projecting away from his body in an attempt to appear friendly, voice loud and calm, she had to trust them. His eyes were slightly wide with panic, the monster she called a pet making his bone chill.

“We’re not in Erilea?” The female spoke in clear shock, her eyes squinted as she analysed her surroundings. The city in the back, a bit far away from where she stood now. They wouldn’t be able to call for help quick enough if she and Meraxes decided to attack. The wyvern’s head went forward in motion with her clutching her sword harder and sliding a foot forward, to give her stability to jump on them.

Azriel could almost hear the engines turning around in her head. She had maybe thought this was Wendlyn or some of the other fae territories she hadn't visited yet. And then his ears caught the lack of whispers, not a single word left his shadows, and he dared looking down. They rested peacefully, some strands looking like they were running after others, in a playful game of hide and seek.

He didn’t know what this could possibly mean. He tried to command them to go after her, some of them darted towards the female, spinning around her calves. She looked down, confusing lacing both of their features. She bared her teeth, sword going down with a low whistle, cutting the shadows connecting them both.

“Keep them away from me.” She barked, and the dragon growled in unison. Now Cassian was 100 percent sure that the monster would do anything to protect its rider, which really complicated things a bit more.

“We don’t know what this place is, but you’re in the Night Court, in Prythian.” Cassian elaborated, bringing back the attention to him, her eyes scanned his face for any signs that could indicate that he was lying but found none. Rhysand scrapped their mental shields, telling them that Morrigan was going there.

Y/N watched as a female appeared from the shadows, right in between the two males, eyes of a dark brown and a long blonde hair tied up in a ponytail. Mor watched the scene, looking at the female and her companion, eyes sparkling with admiration at the huge thing.

“Who are you?” She inquired, blue eyes glued to Morrigan’s. Her body was so tense, feeling so rigid, like a band ready to snap. Her eyes glued to the trio in front of her, she wanted to look up, to where that gap had been, spitting her into this unknown land. She clutched her free hand in a fist as a thought took over her head.

How the hell would she go back home?

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, forcing the wild waves of emotions that threatened to flood her chest and drown her to calm the fuck down. Never show others that you’re weak, never let them see your emotions, you were born for war, born to be a weapon, act like one. That disgusting voice of the Martron filled her mind and she took a deep breath.

“I’m Morrigan, and I'm here to help.” The two flanked the female and she thought that maybe she was their queen. Steadying her breath, focusing on keeping her wobbly knees from giving out, she spoke.

“Finally.” She groaned, hand still gripping the sword, but she clicked her jaw, her iron teeth going back inside her gum. “I’m assuming you’re their queen, exactly who I would like to speak to.” She started, but the male covered in red stones laughed, his laughter sounding like thunder. She looked at him with her eyebrows rising to her hairline.

“Please, never say something like that again or else she will become an even bigger asshole.” Even the quiet male with the shadows smiled at that, a beautiful smile, that once again felt so familiar that her heart ached. Morrigan rolled her eyes.

“They wish I was their queen, but do you wish to speak with our leader?” Y/N nodded. “We can take you to him.” She offered.

“How do i know that the second i let my guard down your two bats won’t kill me and my wyvern?” Azriel watched the beast, finally putting a name to it. His gaze turned back to her, she had a very fair point.

“Because my power is the truth.” The female replied and before she could ask what the fuck that even meant, she continued. “I cannot lie, if I tried I would be in immense pain right now, and I know when others are lying.” She concluded.

Just like a human King once could, she had heard about the power of the truth, Dorian possessed it even if he thought it was related to his sword. Asterin told her about it, she could almost hear her voice as they reunited around a fire, when she deserted from the Ferian Gap and ran away with the Thirteen to find the Crochans.

And if she closed her eyes, she could see Asterin smiling at her, telling her to open her heart more, and that she should follow the female. She took another deep breath to steady her heart, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, with a shuddering voice, she spoke.

“Lead the way.”

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Meraxes’ wings carried her over the city, towards a mountain. She looked down, buildings adorned the streets, people stopped in their tracks, watching with curiosity the winged shadow that crossed just above their heads. A river glistened in the sun, following in the middle of the city until it disappeared between the mountains. Shops everywhere, people buying things, kids laughing and running. She thought of her home, and how hard they were working so they could have something like this to call their own.

She dreamed of leaving the palace, having a small cabin for her, a garden with a large tree so she could rest by the end of the day, sitting in its shadows and reading her books. A tiny library to store them and a kitchen to perfect her baking skills, she wanted to learn about so much, and have a place to belong.

She also wanted to learn about gardening, harvesting her own vegetables and fruits to bake fresh goodies, but mostly because she wanted a big flower field, with so many flowers that Meraxes would never get tired of getting to know every single one.

She shook her head, letting those thoughts be carried away with the winds that whipped her hair against her cold face. And as she looked forward again she spotted a residence carved into the mountain, the two winged males flew in front of her, guiding the way. She knew this was probably not the smartest idea, but if she wanted answers, who’s better than the owner of the place?

The males landed on a balcony, and Meraxes did the same, its claws digging into the stone of the mountain, waiting for her to get off the saddle and slide down his leg. Its huge head turned towards something in the distance and she groaned in annoyance.

The males watched her, and they had to hold back a smile as she adjusted her clothes, getting ready to walk forward, just to be brutally shoved by the wyvern’s nose, she almost fell. She turned to him with a death glare, in a staring match like they were having a conversation.

“Fine!” She gave in. “If they kill me, at least have the decency to take some of your precious flowers to my fucking grave.” The wyvern roared and the whole mountain shook when it flew away.

“Where is he going?” Azriel asked, eyeing the beautiful creature, its powerful muscles contracting as the wings moved in the sky. Cassian on the other hand was looking at it with worry. Would they really let that dangerous animal fly around as it pleased?

“There’s no need to worry.” She stopped in front of him. “Meraxes is rather fond of flowers, the only thing he’ll destroy are the poor fields.” She pointed to where he flew in the distance, completely ignoring the city and aiming for the open fields away from the houses. The male with the red stones seemed to relax a bit hearing it.

“Welcome to the House of Wind then.” Cassian gestured to the open door and she entered, the two following her close. She looked around, dark stone walls, fancy furniture adorning the space that looked like a living room. Hallways leading to hidden rooms and a big fireplace was lit. She noticed that in that room the only door was blocked by the two males, but there were plenty of windows she could jump out if things went south.

Power lingered around the room, darkness sweeping in the corners of her mind. From the corner of a room a male appeared, he had violet eyes and dark hair, pointy ears peeking from his hair and a very tired expression. He looked just like her.

Y/N hissed, her claws and teeth ready to attack, she backed away, her back hitting the hard chest of the Shadowsinger. The feeling of her tensed back pressed against his front, and the fact that she didn’t even realise what she had bumped into sent a wave of electricity zipping through his body. Her smell hit his nose, he had never smelled something like her before, but it somehow felt so familiar that he almost lost himself in it. She smelled like a rainy day with a tint of red wine, completely addicting.

She felt the wall behind her back, not daring to take her eyes away from him, feeling her chest move with rapid breaths, she was trapped there with that demon. By the amount of power she could feel, and the slight scrape in her mental shields, she knew what he was before he even opened his mouth.

“Let me out, Valg scum.” She spat, anger lacing her tone. She didn’t have fire magic, but removing his head would be efficient too, even if she had to use her teeth to rip through the skin. The male looked at her confused.

“This is our High Lord, Rhysand.” Azriel spoke from behind her, she turned her head to see him standing there, golden eyes fixed on hers, his figure towering hers, and as much as the idea of killing him made her feel weird and made her chest heavy, she would have to start with him if she wanted to kill the valg standing in front of her.

“I don’t care about his name, I know what you are.” Not again, the horrors the Valg had done to her people, she had seen the witches being used to breed their babies. She stepped forward, to create some room between her and the male behind her. But now she was trapped with the three circling her, she cursed under her breath.

“I won’t harm you.” Rhysand approached, she was clearly distressed, he could smell her nervousness, the anger boiling in her veins. Her eyebrows were furrowed, a defensive stance. She reached for her sword, prompting Azriel to reach for his dagger and Cassian for his sword too. “I don’t know what a Valg is, but I can assure you, I'm half fae and half illyrian.”

“Funny, Maeve also claimed she was a fae, but she was a fucking Valg Queen. Do not get closer to me if you don’t want to get impaled by my sword.” Nothing she said made sense.

“I’m not Valg or anything.” He started, hands lowering in the air to tell the illyrians to lower their weapons, this would only make her more nervous.

“Prove it.” She challenged him.

“How?” He inquired, rubbing his temple in a tired motion, he had dealt with so much today, all he wanted to do was to be by his mate and son’s side.

“Just a small cut, Valgs bleed black, like the putrid beings they are.” The two males behind her shared a look, he wouldn’t do it, would him?

“Then do it, to prove that I'm speaking the truth.” He extended his arm to her, Y/N grabbed his wrist harshly with one hand, with the other, she dragged her iron claws along his skin, he winced, but red blood started to leak from the cut. “See? Not black.”

She immediately relaxed, letting him go. It didn’t make any sense, he looked so much like her, their powers almost the same. Her shoulders slumped and she let out a shaken breath, those emotions threatening to spill once more. She sheathed her sword back into place and closed her hands in fists to ground her, iron claws digging through the flesh, the pain helped her to stay in reality and keep her emotions controlled.

Azriel smelled the faint metallic scent of blood, his eyes immediately drawn to her clenched fists, a tiny trail of blue blood slided down her hands and he had to hold himself from grabbing her hands and make her stop, the feeling in his chest of seeing her in such distressed state was strange, he couldn’t tell what he was feeling and this made him confused, he hated not knowing what to feel or say.

“Please, have a seat, we have a lot to talk about.” Rhys gestured towards the comfortable couch in front of her and she sat, before her knees failed and she fell to the ground.

“I suppose we do.” It was only then that he noticed that despite speaking their language, she had a thick accent to it, one he had never heard before but he liked it very much, and the Shadowsinger found himself wanting to hear more of it.

“Let’s begin with simple questions. I’m Rhysand, these are Cassian..” He gestured to the male with red stones and longer hair, he nodded his head towards her. “And this is Azriel.” Azriel, she repeated inaudibly, wanting to test the words in her mouth, the name lighting something within her.

“I’m Y/N. Y/N Blackbeak.” She introduced herself. “And that was Meraxes, my wyvern.” If she wanted them to help her, she would have to give them information, those kinds of things only worked with trust as Sorrel once told her. The male nodded.

“Where are you from?” She clearly wasn’t from Prythian or any land they knew, and Rhysand had a vague memory crossing his mind, the shooting star, the different smell and his power hitting it, slowing it down.

“The Witch Kingdom in Erilea. I’m an Ironteeth witch.” It all made sense then, the claws and the teeth she had. Interesting.

“We have never heard of such a place, how did you get here?” Rhysand asked, saying he was confused was a nice way to put it, he was completely lost.

“I was having a beer with Fenrys..” She stopped, in a swift motion she was standing, like she could go back to him, she knew he would be looking for her soon, he had lost so much, she didn’t want to add more to his suffering. “Oh Mother, poor Fenrys.” She spoke to herself, slumping back in her seat.

Azriel watched the scene, the male’s name making him puff his chest and take a deep breath. Cassian looked over at his brother and if he didn’t know any better, he could swear that Azriel was jealous.

“They said I was being called to deal with the gap, so I flew there with my alliance. I got there and this slit was there, it felt like it was calling me, sunlight peeked through it. I got too close and when I opened my eyes again I was in that field and the gap was gone.” Rhysand didn’t know what this meant, a gap that made you travel to another world?

“So you didn’t come here because you wanted to?” She scoffed.

“Well, i was dealing with a lot of shit, but i don’t think jumping to another fucking world would solve any of them, so no, i didn’t came here because i wanted.” Sarcasm laced her tone and she crossed her arms over her full chest. “I just want to go home, they need me there.” She said, and she wasn’t sure if it was to convince them or herself, she shoved the thought in the darkest corner of her mind, not wanting to think about it right now.

“I’m sorry this happened to you, we have no idea how to send you back, but you can stay here while we figure it out.” Rhys offered and she nodded, she didn’t have anywhere else to go anyway.

“Thank you for your kindness.” She felt her head throb and the scar itchy, she looked around and caught Azriel staring at her, his eyes glued to the scar on her face, she cringed in her seat, trying to resist the urge to hide whenever someone stared for too long.

“You’re welcome.” He turned to the males. “Az, can you show her a room?” His tired eyes made Azriel accept. He started to walk and he heard her getting up to follow him when Cassian cleared his throat.

“HEY.” They all turned back to him. “Aren’t we discussing the most important matter?” Azriel watched as she tilted her head to the side, in a really cute way.

“What matters, Cassian?” Rhys sounded tired, he just wanted to go home.

“What does that thing eat?” Y/N looked at him, what if they didn’t have sheep for him? His favourite food.

“Firstly, he’s not a thing, do not talk about Meraxes that way.” She warned, those strangers wouldn’t treat her baby that way. “Secondly, he loves sheep, as long as you guys have it, he will be fine.” Cassian cracked a smile.

“I wasn’t expecting sheep to be his favourite meal, I was guessing on innocent screaming people.” She rolled her eyes trying hard not to smile.

“Nah, they make him throw up.” And with that, leaving an astonished Cassian behind, she followed the Shadowsinger.

They walked in silence, she felt her chest heavy and all the events of the day weighing on her, she had her control slipping through her fingers, and when Azriel opened a door to a bedroom, she ran inside, knuckles turning white as she held the wooden door.

“If you need anything, my room is on the other side of the hallway, " he pointed to the door in front of her.

“Thank you, Azriel.” His name on her tongue sounded divine. She closed the door with a loud thud, leaving him standing on the other side, his shadows wanting to reach out for her from under the door, but he held them close to him.

She felt the room spinning, her breath getting stuck in her dry throat, and when everything finally sunk in, the dam broke.

⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆

Taglist: @fieldofdaisiies @blackgirlmagicforever @a-frog-with-a-laptop @going-through-shit @asweetblueberry2

@roses-r-red54330 @mis-lil-red @sheblogs @hibye02 @impossibelle

@glitterypirateduck @zeroangelo13 @sekiro1310 @nelapeach14 @annamariereads16

@just-here-reading @celestialend @donttellthecats @scatteredstardustt @snoopyspace

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@willowpains

#acotar #sarahjmaas #azriel shadowsinger #moonlightazriel #azriel #shadowsinger #azriel x reader #night court #velaris #azriel x y/n #worlds apart fic #azriel acotar #azriel fanfic

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anadiasmount · 4 months

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a taste of something sweet - ruben dias x reader.

quick sum: fiance! ruben coming home after the cwc final, and not being able to spend a single second away from reader. seeing her with family has him confessing more than he originally proposed for. insta au included at end! tiny smut, so minors dni! 🤍🎄

wc: 1.7k | masterlist | ruben’s masterlist

psa🗣️: hi angels!🤍 miss you all! it’s been a MINUTE since i posted for ruben, but here’s something for us ruben girlies for christmas time! hope you enjoy! 🤍🎄

“ruben!” you squealed, waiting for him to fully come in before throwing your arms over his shoulders. ruben let out a deep chuckle, and picked you up behind your thighs, sighing in content at being with you again. you had the biggest fear he wouldn't be back before christmas eve, and that your plan to have both families over would be ruined. expect that wasn't it, and here stood your world champion.

“i missed you so much princesa,” ruben set you down and kissed you deeply, grunting in delight at tasting your cherry lips again. “me too you have no idea, but you're back and that is all that matters to me,” your foreheads leaned into each other, as you ran your hand through his hair.

“i passed by to get the last minute stuff so we could pack into the coolers, and i got you these as well,” ruben walked to where his luggage stood, locking the door first and then pulled out a bouquet of white and red roses, smirking at your awe reaction. “they’re are gorgeous ruben,” your finger traced the petal, bring the bouquet to your nose and smelling the flowers. “thank you belo.”

ruben blushed at acknowledgment, wrinkled crinkling in his eyes. he kissed your forehead before dragging you into the kitchen. “i know i called you earlier, but i want you to know how proud i am of you handsome. a treble winner, supercup, and now a world champion? you have no idea the immense feeling i have for you, and to see you smiling after these past weeks? my heart is just full of joy.”

ruben had been quiet these past week, from training, to recovery, to the games and unexpected results, it was taking a toll on him. he didn’t show much emotion, let alone tell anyone how he truly felt, but you could read him from the back of your hand. if he needed you there he was, you vowed to that after he proposed after the unforgettable night in istanbul.

if he needed space you would respect that, waiting as much as much time he need to process and then come find you fully. if he wanted to talk and express how he felt, he would pull you into his chest, whispering and not fully saying too much out loud, just enough for him to get into a stable mindset. if there was anything ruben looked forward too or longed for, it would always be you.

“my heart is complete with you, always princesa, eu te amo,” ruben said with a deep and groggy voice, enlightening a spark inside you hearing the three words you would never get tired of hearing. it didn't feel real, to have a man like him make you feel this way, to be head over heals, to finally find that stability and security with a man who never has taken you for granted and appreciated you through the good and bad.

ruben and you spent the whole night finishing last-minute gift wrapping, and he went on to teach you his favorite portuguese cookies, opting to also make some for his family and yours. you hadn't seen your parents or sibling in weeks, and this time was perfect, being all together in a cabin, and spending your favorite holiday all together.

ruben couldn't go to sleep for some reason, continuing to talk about the season they were having, and also about the final they had just won. he also made some wedding talk, surprising you since he usually wasn't one to give an opinion unless it was about a venue, food, or invites. part of him was also nervous to see your families all together, unsure how it would play out.

he eventually fell asleep, feeling slightly guilty since he knew you were tired, and stayed up specifically to wait for him to come home. he kissed your nose and whispered a small goodnight, eventually falling asleep on top of you, finally getting the earned sleep since he could only do that when you lay with him.

ruben ensure your luggage and coolers were safely secured in the car, making the trip up north to meet your families together. the two of you were the first to arrive, having time to go buy some groceries, and unpack. although that became hard as ruben couldn't keep his hands off of you, whispering dirty words into your ear that finally made you cave in.

he longed for this. craved for this. he took his time with you, relishing every single second before your families came. groaning at the sounds you made, his name falling from your swollen kissen lips, the scratches you were leaving all over as the pleasure became to much. he was utterly obsessed with you, hitting every spot till you crumbled beneath him, ruben not far behind.

maybe it was your hormones, but you shed a tear or two when seeing you parents all over again, especially your brother who brought his wife and newborn baby up to the cabin. it was not different with ruben’s family, giving them a hug and kiss on a cheek, asking how their drive up went. catching up with his mom, and cousins.while making dinner for a whole.

it was a great idea you had gone shopping prior or else you'd be stuck, as the snow immediately came down after 4 pm. that night was spent with pure laughters, sharing old memories, drinks being poured every other few 30 minutes, and proposing goals for the new year to come.

the day of christmas eve, everyone was up to go skiing, the tour guide showed the spots you could go and safely succeed skiing. you were more than grateful it was a private part of the cabin, no cameras or fans coming up to you, you knew it came with a footballer boyfriend, now fiance, but you would never quite get used to it.

ruben was attached you, some could say maybe had separation anxiety as he always looked around to ensure you were okay, like a lost puppy. he would plaster a huge grin when he met your eyes, sending you a glance to check in if you were okay, you would nod and send him a wink.

after coming back from skiing, everyone either took a nap or began to get ready for the evening. the tree was filled with gifts, the kitchen smelt like homemade ingredients and scents, and every corner you turned was decorated with lights. you turned on a few candles and set the table, ensuring everyone had a glass and utensils.

ruben and you snuck in a shower together, avoiding his hands as he clearly desired more, but it felt too risky. you wouldn't have been able to look at anyone the same if you did had done something, or even heard you in the smallest way possible.

“gatinha, you look so beautiful,” ruben whispered, as he came up behind you, wrapping his muscular arms around your waist and placing a small kiss on your neck. his nosed traced all the way way to your shoulder, not being able to get enough of how you looked and smelled, it was driving him crazy. you wore an emerald-colored silk dress, with small white kitten heels, and your hair down.

“I know we have been together all day, but it feels like i havent been able to see let alone hold you,” ruben sighed, sounding slightly upset about it. you swiftly turned around and kissed his lips, feeling as he suddenly pulled you closer, releasing a small giggle from you. “i know me too, but i promise, once everyone is asleep we can make good use of the fireplace okay?”

ruben reluctantly agreed, walking out hand to hand out to see everyone either playing a game of poker, cooking, or watching tv. you insisted on helping in the kitchen, even if it meant washing dishes or almost slightly burning yourself. your mom and his mother conversation flew, as they talked about their teenage/ adult years, and apparently a romance show the two couldn't stop gushing about.

later on, so your sister-in-law could get a break, you offered to help her watch the baby. to ruben’s surprise, he found himself glancing from time to time, a part of him wanting that with you one day. the way you cradled the baby, swayed side to side, kissed their cheek, and adjusted their beanie and blanket to make sure they weren't cold. right then and there ruben knew you were forever for him.

“come here, i know your still cold,” ruben said, bringing you to his lap, the weighted blanket covering both your bodies as you watched the fire grow slowly. it was late, too late, but the two of you couldn't sleep. ruben rubbed your back, constantly placing kisses on your head and the bridge of your nose.

you held onto the mug filled with hot chocolate, ruben dipping the cookies he made into the drink and eating them from time to time as you discussed your futures. he loved the sound of your voice, just like you did as well, it was a common thing shared among you. “i hope you know one day you'll be the mother of my kids one day y/n…” he randomly rambled.

“What?”

“you’re gonna be such a great mom one day, and i can’t wait for us to finally have mini us in the house. you mean so much to me i never want to be apart from you, i want to share everything with you,” ruben confessed, watching as your eyes went crazy to search for a tint of lies or regret. but with ruben? everything was always honest and serious, which you loved, as you valued communication.

“thank you for staying through my best and worst. for keeping my head up high and never letting me down. for me to able to come home to the woman of my dream waiting for me. to have an inspirational and loving person along my side anywhere i go,” ruben continued.

“we made that promise no? when you proposed to me? nothing will ever separate us, and i hope you know that you won't get rid of me that easily. you’re it for me ruben, have been since the first day i met you. and i can’t wait for what's to come for us,” you said smiling, kissing the red tip of his nose and then lips, where he immediately closed his eyes and snuck in. “i love you querida.” just like the fire grew in the fire place, the fire inside your chest did as well. “merry christmas, ruben.”

“merry christmas, y/n.”

———————————

rubendias posted on their feed!

rubendias

liked by: johnstones, bernandosilva, cancelo, yourusername, joaofelix, nathanake, pepteam, and 534,274 others.

rubendias: lovely way to spend christmas after being a world champion! merry christmas cityzens! 🩵🤍

tagged: @yourusername

comments:

username6000: handsy aren’t we now ruben…

johnstones: sure that picture wasn’t meant to be left in your photos?

↪️ rubendias: nope ☺️

bernandosilva: love you two! merry christmas 🩵

↪️ yourusername: thank you benny 🤍 tell isa we send our hello’s 🤍

user19: HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL WTF?

username3928: y/n why are you allowing him to post these selfies? 🙄🙄

↪️ yourusername: i haven’t. he knows he can’t post stuff like this knowing i’ll go 😵‍💫😵‍💫

joaofelix: tu mano ruben 😂🤣

username1087: y/n my gf 😣

↪️ rubendias: she’s actually my fiance ☺️

mateokovacic: 🩵

#ruben dias #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias x y/n #ruben dias fic #ruben dias fanfic #ruben dias fluff #ruben dias blurb #ruben dias one shot #ruben dias insta au #footballer #football x y/n #football x reader #football imagine #football one shot

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iouinotes · 3 months

Text

Heroic Betrayal | Luke Castellan (part 1)

SPOILER FOR THE PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS SERIES AND THE BOOKS

pairing: Luke Castellan x female!reader

show: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

warnings: dark!character, betrayal, implied sexual content, heavy angst, kidnapping

word count: 5,8k

summary: When Luke switches to the dark side, he tries everything possible to win you for him.

a/n: so as the show comes to an end (dont cry dont cry dont cry), I thought I would finally post this :)))

read part 2 here

"I'll find you!" his voice echoes through the forest, my laughter much louder than I intend to. But that´s just how it always goes. It's our own little tradition.

Every year when the camp starts again and we meet after the holidays passed, we play hide and seek in the dangerous forest of the half-blood camp. The creatures usually don't come across our path, in recent years it has rarely happened, that we actually had to defend ourselves against them.

Once it was an angry dryad, who threw branches at me (she had a crush on Luke and wanted revenge, but since I could understand her feelings and felt sad for her, we sorted it out).

Another time we were spotted by some camp members, who made fun of us, but Luke must have said something to them later, because we haven't been bothered by these troublemakers since.

It is always the same pattern, but each time there is still something special about it. We have grown, became more mature (I think), and have more and more experience about the struggles in life.

So being able to just let go for a few moments and being completely alone with him is probably the best thing to keep myself sane (even if he drives me a little bit crazy with the love I hold for him).

But a lot has changed recently.

It all started when rumors spread, that Zeus' lightning bolt had been stolen by Poseidon's son. And then the most supportive, bravest, sassy kid in the world showed up here. Percy Jackson. Ever since I met him, even though it's not his fault, there's been war going on. The gods are angry, the monster attacks became worse and again, rumors about the oldest, most powerful titan Kronos reached the camp.

It scared and frightened many people, including me. That's why we've been training harder and stay awake, even when the stars are shining, so that we can prepare for any catastrophe. To be able to fight.

My mother is the goddess Demeter, my father a simple man. I adore them both, even though my mother isn't one of my closest contacts. But I never really held that against her, because at least she decided to acknowledge me as her daughter. After all, it's a privilege that not everyone gets. My siblings and friends at camp are important to me, but the world is changing and so is everything around it.

The only stability I have left is my boyfriend Luke.

If I had to rely on one person in the whole world (and by that I also mean the underworld), it would be him.

He's been my best friend since I arrived at this camp. We've been together through ups and downs, I know every side of him and he knows everything about me too. Many of the people here are like blank pages to me, but not him. He is like my favorite book, that lays open to me and allows me to read each letter individually. Just as I know every of his dreams, every secret, every truth and every lie. He is my protector, my hero in every dark night and every bright day. Without him, I don't even know who I am. He is a part of me and my heart wouldn't be whole without him.

I watched him grow up. From the small, thin boy whose eyes hid so much pain and sadness to the strong, soulful leader he is today.

His beauty cannot be influenced by anything, he is like my very own sun, without him I could not survive.

I wouldn't want it any other way though.

Now, I'm hiding behind a tree with my back pressed against the bark and I am able to hear the cracking and swinging of the branches.

I smile so wide, that my cheeks start to hurt, when I hear his voice calling. My heart is beating in my throat, but it's not just the adrenaline of not getting caught. It's because of my love for him, which is so strong that sometimes I'm afraid of it. But only in the moments when I realize that nothing, but him is my biggest flaw. I think I would do anything for him.

Then I concentrate again and listen to the sounds around me. But his voice has fallen silent and I don't hear his footsteps anymore.

My eyebrows furrow, confused I try to look around the tree and search for an orange t-shirt. Likely together with his slim body, biceps, beautiful face and wonderful personality.

But when I want to withdraw again, it's already too late. A branch breaks behind me and before I can move I'm pushed against the tree from behind.

I immediately feel his body against mine, hear the laughter in his voice and listen to his strained breathing. His hands wrap around my body and turn me towards him, so that we are now face to face.

He's taller than me and as I look up, I feel the familiar fluttering feeling in my chest. I am so in love with him.

He grins triumphantly at me and I lean against the tree, smiling kindly.

"Found you, princess." The light reflects in his brown eyes and some of his curls are laying wildly on his head. He looks like an angel.

"I made it easy for you." My voice teases him and when he leans in so close to me, that our lips almost touch, I forget how to think properly. A habit I can't change. He's just so captivating.

"Yeah? You think I wouldn't have found you otherwise? Funny. I remember that in the last few years, I always was the winner of our little game." His lips brush mine, I want nothing more than to kiss him. But he knows that, which is why he slowly pulls back, when I start to lean forward.

When I want to complain, he puts his hand around my waist and pulls me into his chest. My knees almost give out, I feel so intoxicated by his presence.

"I-I wanted you to find me." My voice whispers quietly.

His eyebrows rise in mock surprise.

"Then I guess, I can claim my prize without feeling bad." In the next second, his lips are on mine and I'm unable to do anything, other than kissing him back. I wrap my arms around his neck and enjoy the warmth that radiates from him. He sets my heart on fire.

While pushing me against the tree, I've completely forgotten about, he lets his hands wrap possessively around my waist. Digging his nails into my hips, to keep me grounded. Otherwise, I would probably get lost in those sensations.

Luke kisses in a way, like it's the last time he'll have the chance. (As if I would ever want to keep him from doing that).

He's passionate, my body feels like it's on fire and the heat inside me feels so good, that I want more. I can never get enough of him and he knows it. He grins against my lips, but he doesn't break the kiss. I think he secretely loves knowing how much he can mess with me, with just a few kisses.

My hands find his hair and pull him closer to me, our chests touch and his breathing mingles with mine.

It is wonderful and so precious, I would refuse any gift from the gods just to be close to him.

When he pulls away from me, our bodies are still close. My eyes open and look dreamily into his, our gazes reflect a familiarity and love that is like nothing I have ever experienced.

He smiles at me, pushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear and leans himself against me. His fingers stroke the exposed skin of my pulled-up shirt.

"I've missed you." If my heart hasn't melted before, it has now. I give him a kiss on the cheek and hug him, we stand in our embrace for a moment. Enjoying each other's closeness, the calm feeling until the next chaotic situation happens.

"Now we are together again. Only that matters." It's quiet around us and when I close my eyes for the second time, I hear his fast heartbeat. I have to supress a smile.

The wind is the only thing I hear until his voice breaks the silence.

"Something will happen soon. Something big." The peaceful atmosphere is threatened by his words and when I look at his face again, I see his worried eyes.

I sigh, but then nod to agree with him. "I thought about that too, it feels different. Like something is coming our way, that we can't control."

His fingers stroke my cheek and for a moment, his face holds an expression, that I can't understand. It resembles regret.

But before I can ask him about it, he smiles tenderly at me again.

"Nothing will separate us. The world is just a game. It's a matter of time and making the right moves." That is his motto. But I'm not always convinced of this. Even though I trust him to do the right thing.

"I'm just worried we'll get seperated, you know? Evil can be sneaky and traitors always exist. You never know who you can trust." Something I said must have really bothered him, because he looks like I just stabbed him.

This time I ask him about it.

"What's on your mind? You can tell me. Two people who worry about something are better, than one who is alone with it." I take his hand and stroke his skin, it feels cold even though we have summer.

"Nothing, just- I don't want to lose you. I couldn't be here without you. I need you. I mean...I-I love you. You know that I would do anything to keep us together, right?"

His words surprise me. I know he loves me. I can sense that, everyone probably does. But he has never worn his heart on his sleeve and the three magical words only come out of his mouth on special occasions. The fact that he's telling me now surprises me.

"Of course. I trust you. We will survive together, I know that. Are you worried because of the rumors about the Titan King?" This topic is always very critical and he usually doesn't like to talk about it, but this time I decide to address it directly.

"He will come. I just want you to be safe, when it happens." He sounds so confident it gives me goosebumps.

"Perhaps. His followers will definitely try. But love is stronger than anything else. Especially our love. We will get through it." He doesn't look convinced, so I turn his face towards mine and kiss him.

My voice sounds soft, when I speak again.

"Luke, I love you. I could never leave you. Not even the King of the Underworld will be able to keep us apart. I promised to be by your side in every moment of our lives. You are my soul and without it I am damned."

This seems to reassure him, but I feel like he's not telling me something of great importance. But I don't want to push him, I know he will tell me when the time comes.

He always does.

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

As the day comes to an end, I say goodnight to my siblings and report for my night watch duty. The situation has been a lot more worse the recent weeks. Kronos exists, my worst fear was confirmed. And he is building an army, that is so strong that it will be difficult to fight against it. But what I'm really worried about are the rumors about our people, who have also joined his cause.

Nobody knows who, the spies have been hiding ever since. I've never felt like I was paying more attention to my words than I am now. The only person I don't have to hold back to is Luke.

But even with him I notice the effects of the bad news. The circles under his eyes are darker than ever and his nerves are so frayed, that every little thing makes him want to explode. His temper is hanging by a thread, that is increasingly threatening to break. And I'm trying everything to prevent this.

No matter if I try it by making him laugh (which has become difficult), massaging his tense shoulders, trying to kiss him to the point of forgetfulness (usually it's the other way around) or when he takes out his frustration by burying himself deep inside me. With every thrust of his hips, I feel him relax, his hand so tight around my body as if I would run away, if he didn't hold me close enough.

He's changing and I'm trying my best to maintain his good sides. That he doesn't completely lose himself in his responsibilities and the pressure, that he has, because he is a member of the camp council.

Besides, I can't complain, when he fucks me until I can't breathe aynmore and I block out everything around me. When he comes, he whispers the sweetest things in my ear. Even if sometimes they sound so protective, that I could almost come from his voice alone.

When he whispers to me how good I am for him or how much he loves being able to have such a power over me like that - maybe it should scare me, but I trust him like no one else.

My mind concentrated his best for my shift, but when I finally go to bed after quiet some time, my eyes quickly close.

Looking back, I wish I had never let myself sleep that night.

Because, when I close my eyes I see waves. Hear the seagulls screaming in the sky, the fish swimming in the water and the distant cries of strangers.

It's all unusual and the bright light would blind me, if I didn't avert my gaze. And as soon as I do it, I see a ship. It's huge, rust shimmers in the sunrays, the anchor shows that it's been in the same place for a while now.

I feel something pulling me towards it, pushing and burning in my chest, leaving me with a tremor that I can feel, even in my deep sleep.

As I flit through the window like a ghost, I feel paralyzed. My blood freezes, I want to disappear immediately and in my mind I scream at myself to wake up.

But it's no use, whatever is here, someone decided that I have to see it. Only then, my wish will be fulfilled and I can wake up. So, I hide in a corner, there are scratched picture frames above me and broken glass is scattered on the floor. The monsters that loudly crush the glass ahead of me seem unstoppable.

I tremble as I look at at least seven dracaenae, several shaggy hellhounds and set my eyes on gigantes, that take up almost the entire room.

But that is nothing compared to the terror, that grips me when I see my classmates. My friends. People I trusted, who I fought alongside, for who I cared about. People I would have sacrificed myself for. They all betrayed me. And I feel close to tears. When I want to turn away, I hear a voice that almost brings me to my knees.

It's Luke.

My faithful and caring protector, my heroic love. Someone, to which I had dedicated everything. He was my life, with every single breath I took. The motivation behind my every action. The reason I wanted to survive in this cruel world. He was everything I had and everything I will ever have and in that moment it was abruptly taken from me.

I didn't have the strength to concentrate, it was as if every fiber of my body was on fire, triggered by the torment of my suffering heart. Seeing him like that, in black armor, Kronos' silver mark glittering around his neck, instead of his colorful necklace. A stoic, hostile expression on his face, his hands gripping his sword, it all hurt too much to watch.

And as I sank to the floor and covered my eyes with my hands, I was still forced to listen. I couldn't understand why he was saying such things.

"With every day he becomes stronger, with every participation in our army, we become stronger. Everything is planned, the camp is weak. Just like all of its residents. The surprise is on our side, because we will show no mercy. We will kill anyone, who does not confess to us. Do you hear me? No hostages will be taken. Only Hades population will be expanded."

The screams around me are so loud, so angry and horrific that I feel tears running down my cheeks.

I don't want to see any of that. The person infront of me is not my Luke.

A kind of fog creeps around me and I feel cold, it seems too late to forget it now. When I notice the golden coffin and Lukes hunched posture, the scar on the side of his face, I realize he is praying to him.

To the fall of Olympus. Kronos.

I want to cry, to scream, to be angry - but I just feel like every part of my heart is breaking and will never be whole again. Luke will never again be the one to heal it.

My consciousness leaves the ship until I finally wake up, but I can't move at first. I feel lost, my muscles are stiff and after a few seconds I notice that I'm shaking. But it's not because I'm cold, the summer air is wafting in the air.

Such dreams are rare, but are like the own scary predictions of the future.

And then it comes all back so me, the memories, that have just turned my whole life upside down. Traitor. The word appears in my mind, I feel like I almost can't breathe. And then there is a finger on my cheek, gently stroking the skin and my chest immediately becomes warm.

I know this gesture.

When I open my eyes, I see his loving eyes and the smile that covers his mouth makes my heart clench in sorrow.

It was just a nightmare. Luke would never betray me.

But the whispers in my head say otherwise.

As we continue to look at each other in silent, I notice his furrowed eyebrows.

"What's wrong, my love? Did you have a nightmare? You look scared. Don't be afraid, I'm here. I will always protect you." His voice is so calm, so usual loving and it makes the butterflies in my stomach fly around like crazy.

He is so beautiful.

As he briefly turns his head to tighten the blanket around me, I see his side profile and the scar. Reminders of my dream crash onto me like a lightning strike from Zeus himself.

I sat up abruptly. Luke is a servant of our enemy. How could I ignore that? I feel like I'm almost starting to hyperventilate. The thought, this nightmare, Luke's appearance, this evil feeling - it makes me sick. And I'm suddenly so afraid, more than I have ever been in my life. But I can't tell if it's the fact that I just found out he joined Cronos' army or that he broke my heart doing so.

I see him tense, my panic seems to be affecting him too.

My thoughts are so confusing, I don't know what to do, I have to tell someone. I have to-

His hands find their way to my cheeks, cupping them gently to direct his gaze towards himself. I would have preferred not to look at him, but I have no choice. His eyes search mine.

Then, as if the weight of Atlas punishment was put on his shoulders, he lowers them. His lips tremble slightly and his eyes look at me, as if I am the most valuable thing in the world and he is about to lose it.

"You know it." He doesn't have to say what he means by that. We both know.

I want to break away from him, but he won't let me. He's always been much stronger.

But everything still feels so different, light surrounds us and I can't really feel my body.

"Listen to me, please. I can explain it. Please-" The world goes silent, before he can finish his sentence.

It is too much.

I stifle a scream. I want to jump out of bed, but his hands hold me close. I only manage to fall to the ground, breathing heavily, but his arms are much stronger and I'm still weakened by my dream. He trys to hold me in a position, so that his back hugs me. His hands grab mine and one of them covers my mouth to silence me, when I want to scream for help.

With any other person, I would have known what to do. With anyone but him, I could have defended myself without any problems. But it wasn't just anyone and what he had done to me, the betrayal he had committed, was nothing I could handle.

I tried to wriggle out of his grip, to kick him, but the more I cried and the more hysterical I became, the easier it was for him to have control over me.

And for the first time, it scared me.

"Please calm down, I have to explain it to you- you have to know, that I never wanted to deceive you, please-" I notice how his voice is failing and he has to pull himself together, to not to lose his composure.

When I shake his hand away and want to yell again, he grabs my neck with such a warning force, that no sound escapes me.

I tremble in his hold. Tears stream down my cheeks and I literally feel my heart breaking.

Then he starts whispering in my ear and his grip feels like a tragic prison.

"Nobody can know. I never wanted you to find out. Not until I convinced you, that it is the right thing to join him. Because he will win, sweetheart. I want us to win by his side." His voice sounds so confident and at the same time, as if he was a completely different person.

Tears continue running down my face and he slightly let's go of me, so he can comfort me.

"If you would just listen to me, you will understand my actions. Please, just listen to me-" but the world blurs infront of my eyes and I am only able to whisper three words, before darkness surrounds me.

"You betrayed me."

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

When I wake up, my head hurts so much, that it takes me several minutes to open my eyes. When I finally do it, I almost have a heart attack.

I recognize the similarity of this room from my dream. When I stand up, I run to the round window and look out, being only able to see the blue sea. Feeling empty and alone.

When I want to step out the door, I expect it to be locked. But instead the handle turns and I step out of the room. I'm so surprised about that, that I'm acting without thinking twice.

As I walk around the next corner, the deck creaks and I see an ugly creature in front of me, that makes every instinct to escape kick in.

I run in the other direction, but every turn makes me more desperate and, without any consideration, I run into the hall, I was so afraid of.

It is filled with all kinds of ciders, and I also see the figures of my classmates, wounded and unhappy.

It's all so overwhelming, that I dont even see him standing on the podium, in the first place.

But as the monsters try to grab me, his voice echoes through the room with an affable authority.

"Nobody touches her. You hear me? Nobody. She is under my protection." I almost freeze into a stature, as he comes towards me and I have no way of avoiding him. No weapon is within my reach, his eyes notice my growing panic.

"Everyone leaves the room. Now." Nobody discusses it, even if some roll their eyes or quietly protest. His authority is unquestioned, it sends a cold shiver down my spine.

When the last doors slam shut, we stand a few meters opposite each other.

"The doors are guarded." It's the first thing he says.

When he tries to approach me, I lose my nerves and run to the corner with the broken glass, that I saw in my dream. I take them in my hands.

I see his eyes widen and he stops in his tracks.

"You- you want to fight me?" He actually sounds surprised and sad. Like I was the one who betrayed him and not the other way around.

"Don't come any closer. I may not have been able to do anything last time, but if you take one step closer then-" I don't know what to say. In no scenario did I ever think, I would have to threaten him.

But despite my warning, he comes towards me with his hands raised, the panic within me so palpable, that I can feel every muscle in my body.

I dodge, when he is only a few meters in front of me. Right into the next corner. As far away from him as possible.

"Princess, you can't keep me away forever. I've always loved that about you. You need me as much as you need to breathe."

It's supposed to sound sweet, but his words make me feel sick

"I'd rather suffocate." He didn't expect that. My words hit him so unexpectedly that he is almost speechless. Almost.

"I won't hurt you. You just have to let me get to you and I'll show you everything. You will understand, believe me." He really thinks, I'll just stay by his side and let him explain.

"Are you crazy? You're a traitor, Luke. You- you betrayed everyone. You betrayed me. How could you do this?" I suppress my tears, because that's exactly what he's waiting for. That my defense becomes weaker. I can't allow this.

"You dont understand. I always told you I would protect you. And I can only do that, if I'm on the winning side. And I am now. We are." His eyes flash with a craziness that makes me tremble. I don't recognize him.

"Why are you acting this way? You are doing the wrong thing - you give up everything. You're giving up on us." Tears leave my eyes and I see him take a few steps in my direction.

"I'm doing the right thing for us. You'll see. You just have to trust me, please. You know I always win. With the power he gives me, I will be invincible. You don't have to worry about one of us dying in this war anymore." I can't move, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have a way out now. He's too close.

"You are wrong. I would rather die in this war than join this monster and his deceitful army." The shards in my hand hurt, but I don't let them go. They're the only thing I can use to defend myself.

"You would leave me?" His eyes are staring into my soul.

"Would you fight me?" Every word is more intimidating.

"Would you stop loving me?" His words are like his own shards, leaving deep wounds in my heart.

He's standing right in front of me now, looking at me like I'm fragile.

Then he whispers "Would you kill me?"

In the next second, he suddenly has my hands in his, making me drop the glass. Be is only a few centimeters away from me now, his eyes are looking into my own.

"Would you, princess? Then show me." Suddenly he does something, I would have never expected. He takes out his sword and puts it in my hands.

His own hands go behind his back, his eyes tempting me. I feel all the blood in my body drain.

"Do it. I can't live in a world, where you don't love me anymore. In which you are no longer by my side. I am yours. That will never change, just like my love for you."

I can barely hold the sword, it's so wobbly in my hands. He stands in front of me and gives me every chance to defeat him. But I can't move.

It's quiet for a moment, then I see new hope in his eyes and when he speaks again, the tone of his voice melts my heart.

"What did you say a few months ago, you would always let me win? Let's win together this time. Please, just listen to me." His hand strokes my cheek. Wipes away the tears.

Then he drops his hand and grasps his sword, letting it fall to the ground.

He takes my hand instead.

"Follow me." He pulls me behind him, closer and closer to the golden coffin, it's like I'm in a trance, but when I finally feel the cold aura of something cruel, I'm able to think clearly again.

"No-" I don't want to be one step closer to this thing.

He turns around so quickly, that I can only slap his cheek, before he grabs me again.

"That was for kidnapping me. Let me go now!" I want to avoid his grasp. But again he does something I don't expect.

He holds me still, catches my gaze and then, kisses me so gently that the feeling alone makes me almost completely defenseless. His hands cup my cheeks, grip my hair, hold my body.

This is probably his worst trick. I've never been able to resist one of his kisses. And he knows that. He uses it against me.

Then he murmurs words against my lips, that barely reach my ears.

My heart is pounding in my throat.

"You feel this? We belong together. It is not written anywhere on which side we need to be. As long as we are together." His fingers stroke my lower lip, his figure towers over me and for a moment my surroundings fade. It's almost like always.

But he's not wearing his orange t-shirt, his expression isn't relaxed, and I don't hear any insults from the camp members in the distance.

"You're manipulating me." I am powerless against him. I thought we were on the same team, that no one had more power over the other one. But I was so wrong.

His eyebrows furrow again, and when his hands try to pull me against him, I hit his chest, without thinking, with the only piece of glass I hid in my pocket. But unlike I expected, nothing happens. The shard bounces off his skin and falls loudly to the ground. I can only stare at him in disbelief.

"How-" He just looks at me worried, no anger is visible in his eyes.

"You can't hurt me. I have the curse of Achilles upon me." I suddenly become aware of the effect the lake Styx in the underworld hast and I almost fall to the ground at the realization, my knees weaken.

"That was a test earlier. You wanted to see if I would kill you-" my voice fails.

He just looks at me sadly and smiles in regret. My heart becomes heavy.

"And I knew you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You would never hurt someone you love. Not if you'd kill me in the process." What can I do? He knows me better than anyone, he can see right through my every thought.

"I can't do this, Luke. I-I can't be together with you, if you are like this." I'm serious, but he doesn't believe me.

"That's what you think, but it's a lie. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the more pain you avoid. Our souls are linked together, without me you are not able to live. I know, that you will continue to love me, no matter what I decide to do. That's how much you love me. You would rather die than not loving me."

I can't listen to him. I can't.

But his eyes are like all the promises in the world. He is my world. How could I ever forget that?

"Please come back with me, Luke. I-I won't tell anyone, but please. Let's go, let's forget everything, please-" I cant deal with this anymore. It's like he's draining all the energy out of me. More with every word, that leaves his lips.

"I can not do that. It will stay the way it is now. Don't fight against me, fight with me. You are so smart and loyal, you will be convinced. He will show you." His eyes now flash with something that frightens me. I see his hunger for power, something that has always been dormant within him.

"Luke, the only thing I ever really wanted was you. No power, no war, no prosperity. Only you. But I'm about to lose you. Don´t do this to me, I beg you." My hands find his face, stroke the skin and I look into his eyes. But they are no longer the same ones I fell in love with.

I never thought he would love having power more than he loves me. It breaks my heart.

"I have decided. Nothing will change about that. Not even your pleadings. I'm sorry." His eyes reflect my desperation.

"What's holding you back? All you need is me." He says it so confident, that I almost wonder, why I don´t agree with him.

But my conscience has always been my greatest strength.

"I won't betray them. I couldn't live with myself, if I did." He takes a step back.

"But you could live without me? You would rather be by Jackson's side than mine?" His words hurt me. But he speaks the truth.

"I love you Luke, more than I ever thought was possible. But just as you put power before me, I put loyalty first. And I'm not sorry about that."

Frustration finally seeps through his perfect facade. I wonder how long he's been playing with me. The thought of it makes everything inside me tighten.

"I am not letting you go. Our fate is set. You will recognize it too and when that happens, you will be on my side."

His conviction frightens me, but this time it doesn't freeze me into a statue. Now, I'm running away.

And luckely, he didn't expect that.

For a few minutes now I've noticed one of the windows, that doesn't look very stable. I just have to jump against it to open it.

"NO!" Luke's voice echoes across the room, loud and warning, but it doesn't stop me. Before he can catch up with me, I jump towards the window, my shoulder hurts, but I was right, it breaks.

But I didn't think about the height difference and I realize it might be too late to do something about it now.

As I try to hold on to the wall outside, two thoughts repeat in my mind.

Either I die or I'm trapped.

Then I hear Luke's voice. He sounds desperate and at the same time angry, like I have never heard him before.

The wall is slippery and it takes every bit of strength in me not to fall, I know it would be my death. I hold on to the broken wall.

"She is outside. Get her back, NOW!" My muscles hurt and I don't know what to do. Then I hear the loud beating of wings. Before I can see who it is, I hear Percy's quiet voice. I feel like crying.

"Drop down, I've got you." I have to trust him. So, I let myself fall without thinking.

Then I feel myself landing on something soft, I hold on to it and my knuckles turn white.

The screams and shouts of the monsters make me tremble, I just want to get out of here. Even if it means, that I perhaps will never see Luke again.

"Come on, now. They'll be here soon." As the wings of the Pegasus move towards the sky, towards freedom, I let the tears fall. The wind is beating around my ears and I can only see in the corner of my eyes that we are getting closer to the clouds.

Luke's threatening voice is the last thing I remember as I close my eyes from the grief of leaving him.

#percy jackon and the olympians #luke castellan #x reader #greek gods #love #betrayal #angst #percy pjo #percy series #annabeth chase #percy jackson

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jessicaslittlelovesickmess · 3 months

Text

Your mama’s crying

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x daughter reader

Warning: death, angst, Ian Doyle, depression, Ian calling reader by her “name”

It had been seven months…

Seven months since your mother had passed, your best friend had died at the hands of your father Ian Doyle. Seven months of losing yourself and recreating a new version of who you once were, everything had changed once she left, even me.

I couldn't bare looking into the mirror to stare at the dark eyes, raven hair that I mourned the loss of so I dyed it. Pink. Purple. Blue. Green. Red. Before settling on a beautiful Blonde that she would've loved. I swapped my glasses for coloured contacts, it hurt to see the ghost of my mother in myself.

Seven months and yet it felt like seven years..

The first day had begun a month after mum had passed, I was curled in her bed my face smothered in her blankets that were slowly loosing her scent. Morgan had burst into the room throwing my gym clothes at me telling me to get ready, we ran ten kilometres that day only stopping at the lookout on the hill to yell out our frustrations at the world.

It became a routine of sorts and sometimes Penelope would join us although she couldn’t keep up with us as often. It was okay. We would be okay, Sergio clung to me more as the months grew almost as if he just knew.

I sat with Derek on the roof, his arm wrapped securely around my shoulders as we spoke "I miss her" I whispered curling myself into him more. "Me too, miniP' he kissed my head before resting his cheek on it"me too he repeated sadly "she'd be proud of you, you know that right?" | nodded biting my lip.

I hope she would be

Although I wanted revenge

I had graduated university top of my class with the team cheering me on in the crowd, how was I to see those two guilty faces. It hurt my mother not being in the front row like she was meant to but I imagined she had been.

My father loved me in a strange way

The team thought it best to use me as the bait to catch him, I called him to a cafe just a quiet one that I had visited him before at. Staring at him I felt nothing, his face was blank “whats the softest way to say you took away my friend, my buddy?. Whats the kindest way to say you took away my friend?”.

“You wouldn’t understand Alora” he whispered “so help me understand father” hopefully the team should walk in any moment. “It was simply fate my dear, we have a past” fate? Fate took my mother? My heart had shattering once more.

I wanted to scream and cry, throw anything available at him but I was just so numb and maybe he knew that as he leaned over. Placing a gentle kiss on my forehead before the team burst in “Je t'aime Y/n” he whispered I love you Y/n “Adieu père” I whispered. Goodbye father

How dare he simply call it fate

“Elle m'a enlevé ma fille”

She took my daughter away

I was bound to him, mum was bound to him

I was his daughter

It was all a blur as he was arrested, I had become numb but I knew I hated France it would never be the same I’m not sure Virginia could be the same anymore.

I never went home that day, finding myself at Penelope’s front doorstep tears streaming down my face. Her arms had become home I wondered if my mother would be disappointed in me- of who I had become.

“Oh my sweetheart”

I wished I could’ve told her sooner about my adoration for women of my harboured feelings for an older blonde that I had no chance with. I had an internship with the bau while I found a job that I actually wanted, I had plans just as my mother once had.

We had been called into the conference room, I stood near the back “everyone take a seat” Hotch sighed as JJ stood beside him. "7 months ago I made a decision that affected this Team." he said, and I knew immediatly that this was about mum.

"As you know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle. The doctors were able to stabilize her and she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfilitration. Her identity was strictly need-to-know." he said and I felt sick to my stomach.

"She stayed there until she was well enough to travel, she was reassigned to Paris where she was given several different identities which we had no access to for her security." He goes on.

"She's alive?" Penelope asked.

"But we buried her..." Reid says hurt.

I had buried my mother

Yet she had walked into the room with a smile on her face as if these seven months had never existed, I had buried my mother for nothing. These seven months had been a lie, all the words JJ and Aaron said had been lies all those tender hugs and kisses were full of guilt.

I couldn’t help but leave quickly as mum made her way around the team giving out hugs unaware she had watched me go. I couldn’t be there, I couldn’t be in that room not with everyone so happy to have her back, I grieved my mother.

I mourned someone who wasn’t dead

Maybe it was selfish of me but I left the team that day, finally moved my things out of my mothers apartment now that she was back. I ignored her calls so angry she could do such a thing the same went with Aaron and JJ, how could they? my mother?.

The team had called me often saying how my mother had been crying, her sobs begging for me and maybe in some sick way she knew just how I had felt.

I laid with my head in Penelopes lap as I sobbed, her soothing hands running through my hair “I know it’s hard right now Y/n but maybe it would be a good thing if you started talking to her again”.

“I’m just so scared Pen”

“And thats okay baby cakes”

It wouldn’t be another two weeks before I worked up the courage to talk to her, Rossi was hosting a part while I had arrived with the blonde. Mum made her way beside me “I’m proud of you Y/n” she slowly placed a hand on my shoulder.

She took a deep breath in tears already staining her waterline “and I’m sorry, if I could’ve taken you with me I would’ve but Aaron had said no. I asked them everyday about you and I’m sorry I couldn’t be here I’m sorry, I put my little girl through all this pain”

She moved her hands to cup my face “my baby girl, and when you graduated Uni. I made sure Aaron got me a clip of you. I never once stopped thinking about you, Mon cher I love you”

“And I am so so proud of you” the warmth of her lips pressed against my forehead cemented she was real “I’m sorry mama” I cried. “I was just so angry, I didn’t mean to make you cry” she pulled me into her chest rocking us gently side by side.

After a while she chuckle causing me to look up confused “you and Garcia?” She smirked with a raised brow

#imagine #wlw #angst #penelope garcia x reader #penelope garcia #emily prentiss imagine #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss #emily prentiss x daughter #emily prentiss x you #criminal minds

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luchitohamilton · 7 months

Text

lewis being interview by margot laffite for canal+ at the qatar gp '23

I act like a kid all the time. I’m not embarrassed about it; I love having fun. So that’s why, you know, I’m always skydiving, surfing or I’m skiing or I’m riding my bike or whatever might be, that’s me being a kid. And that’s something I refuse to ever let go.

transcript below :-)

So Lewis. I don't want today to talk about the World champion, the Formula 1 driver, I would like to talk about Lewis Carl Davidson Hamilton, if you don’t mind. Can you describe the kind of kid you were at home and at school? What kind of kid were you?

[Smiling] Did you ever had a show called Dennis the Menace?

Oh yes of course.

You did?

Of that kind, yeah. Denis la Malice.

I was like Dennis the Menace 2.0. [laughs] I was climbing trees, I was just always riding my bike down the fastest hill. Naturally super competitive in everything that I did and, uhm, my dad helped me concentrate that energy into racing and that’s where stability came.

We know you were a huge fan of Ayrton Senna, but did you watch like every single F1 race, documentaries about F1?

No, when I was a kid I only watched documentaries on Ayrton Senna, read his books. Anything to do with Ayrton I would have it, whether it was a coffee mug or, not that I drink coffee as a kid, but I was watching Gran Prix from like since I was like 4 with my dad on the weekends. Yeah, Sunday sitting with my dad watching races was one of the best times, I remember.

If you could go back in time, where and when would it be?

It would probably be when I was living with my mum, before I was 8, so, yeah.

You are running the world so, how difficult is it to build friendships?

Yeah, it’s definitely not the easiest I would say. My two closest friends are from school, yeah, they are my brothers. Places where I’ve found good friendships are obviously on my job, and then when I’m doing music, when I’m working with musicians, it’s just like a different realm and there I’ve built some incredible relationships also.

What does being a grown up mean to you? Is it like tiresome to be more conscious of the impact you have on things and people, rather than the pleasant innocence of being a child?

When you play a game with some children, maybe your family, nieces and nephews, do you let them win?

No, I try to win! I just [laughs] and they are good, they are getting good, so I have to get my wins while I can. But, my dad never let me win anything when I was a kid. I think is good to learn how to lose anyways, so [laughs]

Are you always on time or sometimes you’re late?

No, I’m always late. The only time I’m ever on time is when I’m getting in the car to race. But like if I’m going for a flight, I’m always late. I don’t know, I like the limit, yeah. [jokingly] I like getting there around the limit, I like the rush.

What are your thoughts and feelings about Max Verstappen? The man he is, the kind of champion.

He’s done an exceptional job. I think the team has done an amazing job. Collectively they truly deserve the success. Max has been faultless this year, he’s not made any mistakes. I only hope that there’s a time when I’ll be able to put up a fight for him.

When you quit F1 would you still want race like Dakar or the 24 Hours of Le Mans?

I currently don't really have any, like, zero, like, feelings to do those things. I love motorbikes, I’ve always loved Moto GP, still love it today. I have 2 super bikes. I think I probably always just gonna take my bikes out. I won’t compete professionally in anything ever again. It takes 10,000 hours to be, you know, a master of something else. I wanna spend that 10,000 hours on being the best dad or something like that, you know, or running my businesses in the best way I can. Where all my energy and focus will go to. For now, I’ll continue to skydive, I’ll continue to surf, those are probably the, riding the bikes, surfing and skydiving, those are the 3 fun things that I’ll make sure I always do.

Merci Beaucoup, Lewis.

Merci.

It was a pleasure as always. Thank you.

#lewis hamilton #f1 #formula 1 #ayrton senna #qatar gp 2023 #pal archivo #amazing interview tbh

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keen-li · 6 months

Text

CLAWED | JJK | CH 01

Synopsis: "do you honestly think I want your help? I'm desperate " you can still see the hatred he has for you in his eyes, but you can also see the desperation.

Genre: e2l, angst, fluff, smut-ish. Convict jk x police officer reader

Fem reader x jk

Warnings: none for now.

_______________________

You’ve just gotten home from a long day of working your ass off. You’re drenched from the rain that’s pouring outside. The walk from your car to your front door isn’t long but the heavy rains are strong enough to have you drenched in seconds.

Immediately you close the door you take off your now wet clothes. You live alone who's gonna see you, even if someone did see you lucky them cause you rarely take off your clothes for anyone. You don't have time for taking your clothes off for someone cause you're focused on stabilizing your position at the station.

Because you're new you have to be on your best game and show them you deserve to be there. You use the word 'new' lightly. And also because you're new the officers at the station have been giving it to you hard. Every time you make a wrong move you hear the words 'rookie behavior' it honestly infuriates you. You don't know if the phrase has always been there or they created it just for you.

But you don't let their side comments, mumbles and they're mocking laughter stop you or slow you down. It's enough that it's a male dominated Workspace. You're new and also a woman so you don't want them to see your emotional side and create a new trend of phrases like, "it's probably her hormones" or "looks like someone's on their period."

You walk into your kitchen with your phone in your hands, checking the messages your mother sent you cause you didn't have time to look at them, while you use the towel in your other hand to dry your wet hair. You're rocking your baggy t-shirt and shorts that you wear in full confidence feeling refreshed and relaxed from your hot shower.

You place the now dump Tower on the kitchen counter as you rummage through the fridge. You never had time to cook whole meals since your job had all your attention. It's funny how you neglected yourself for this job, you've barely seen your friends or family after getting this job you didn't even go out or even relax. Unless you were sleeping waiting for the sun to rise so you can consume yourself with work all over again. It's a cycle you've started to grow into.

You pull a chicken and mac and cheese out of the fridge, a leftover from yesterday. You sniff it just in case bacteria got there before you.

"Seems fine" you say placing it in the microwave for 3 minutes. This has been your dinner for over the past few days. You order food, you aren't able to finish it that same day and leave it for the next day.

"Y/n, how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a while." Your mother texts.

"I know you're probably busy with your new job, but don't forget about us my dear. We love and miss you so much." She ends.

You almost tear up because they think you've forgotten about them. Your sigh collecting yourself to respond.

" I haven't forgotten about you guys. I actually miss you so much and i hope one day I get the time to come over and visit you."

You leave the text not expecting a response from her at this late hour.

You linger over the picture on your mother's contact a picture of your father and mother and a seven-year-old you squished in between them. You've really grown from the young girl you were who truly believed she would be a princess when she grows up.

The day you were told you weren't going to be a princess when you grow up you cried uncontrollably. Only stopping when your Dad took you for ice cream and reassured you that even if you weren't gonna be a real princess you'd always be his princess, to a younger you those words never carried much weight but now that your older and more wiser, atleast you think, those words mean the world to you.

The sound of the microwave beeping indicating your food was done snaps you out of your thoughts and brings you to your reality. You take the hot plate out, take a fork and grab an energy drink from the fridge and head to your empty and lonely couch and put on a show you haven't been able to finish in a while.

You sink into the couch with your plate on your lap and the energy drink on the small table in front of you.

You're half way through the show, your plate cleared and placed on the table and only droplets left of the energy drink, you've been surviving on caffeine for you don't know how long, you savour the last droplets as you also focus on your large screen.

You're suddenly and abruptly pulled from the show you're watching when you hear loud and rushed bangs on your front door. Who could be knocking at your door at this time and in this rain. The rain is just as heavy as when you arrived home.

The banging continues and even gets louder as you get up from the couch cautiously approaching the door. When you open the door you take in, with your eyes, the man drenched from the rain and covered in bruises. His hair sticks to his face and so does his shirt showing you all the heaps and dips of his torso, he seems like a well-built man. You watch him pant and catch his breath as you wait for an introduction and reason.

He finally lifts his eyes and they meet yours.

Jungkook.

" y/n I need your help can I stay here for the night?" He says rushed and breathless.

You watch the way he licks his rosy lips getting rid of the water that falls on them. His eyelashes clamp together with wetness as he blinks waiting for you to let him in.

"What are you doing here?" You ask and he sighs turning his head looking around your neighborhood as though checking if someone was watching him.

"Please let me in I'll explain when you let me in" his tone is still rushed but you aren't about to let him into your house just yet.

" and why would I do that, I don't trust you" you say as though your heart is made of stone.

"I know that, but I really need your help"

"Why would I help you, huh jungkook?" You say.

"Y/n I understand that we don't get along" he says softening his eyes pleading.

"do you honestly think I want your help? I'm desperate " you can still see the hatred he has for you in his eyes, but you can also see the desperation.

_______________

#fanfic #jungkook #jeon jungguk #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook angst #jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook imagine #jeon jeongguk #jeon jungkook #jeongguk #jungkook fanfic #jungkook au

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normspellsman · 1 year

Text

Secret

part one | part two

pairing: neteyam x fem!human!reader

genre: angst, the tiniest mention of smut, no comfort at all (sorry y’all), & forbidden love

word count: 1k+

warning(s): heartbreak & mention of character death

word bank: sa'nok — mother, yawntu — loved one; lover; beloved person, yawne — beloved, great mother/ewya — goddess deity that the na’vi believe in, & syulang — flower

note: inspired by the song “secrets” by PLVTINUM. i literally thought of this when hearing this song, except it was all sad & nothing of the song is remotely mentioned in the fic lol. brief mention of norm & slightly more mention of lo’ak. neteyam is aged up for the sake of the brief mention of smut but it’s not even really detailed like at all.

You’d like to think you were a person that thought things through. Calculating every single thing that could potentially happen and what could end up as a result. Like a true scientist, Norm often would comment when he found you staring off into space as you tried to think something through, brows pulled into a scrunch in deep thought. I just like to be prepared, you’d respond, shaking your head at Norm’s previous comment. But, no matter how much you thought all of this through, you never would’ve come to the conclusion of any of this happening.

“What?,” your voice came out in a broken tone, stomach churning in anxiety. You couldn’t believe your ears. There was no way that this was happening. You should’ve known better. Done better. Put more distance between the two of you. You got so caught up in what it felt like to be with him that you forgot your reason for putting up your walls.

Neteyam didn’t want to repeat himself. He knew he probably should but he didn’t want to. Because if he did, then it’d be true. What he would be saying would be reality. A reality that he didn’t want, didn’t choose. A reality that his parents chose for him with none of his input on the matter. His Sa’nok was able to choose her own love, so why couldn’t he?

With his ears pinned back against his head, he whispers out, “I am to be…mated with another,” barely loud enough for you to hear, but you did.

The sinking feeling in your stomach goes to your heart, sucking in your heart whole. Tears sting your waterline as you hold back an inevitable sob, shaking fingers digging into the plush of your lips as you tightly close your eyes. Neteyam, your Neteyam, the one that you love, the one you bared your soul to and shared yourself with, was to be mated with another. A Na’vi. Someone who was able to give him children and a stable future. Something you couldn’t give him, no matter how much you prayed to the Great Mother.

“Yawntu,” Neteyam utters, reaching out for you only to be met with your cold stare and slap of your hand, hitting his arm away from your body. His heart began to shatter at the action, trying not to reach out towards you again for comfort. He knew he fucked up. He knew that he should’ve told you sooner instead of continuing to see you behind his parents back. He knew he should’ve fought the betrothal, should’ve fought for your love. He realizes that now as he watches his whole world crumble right in front of him.

“How long…” you ask, stabilizing yourself against your lab desk, hunched over one side of the table with your back to your lover. You didn’t want to know if he kept this a secret from you or for how long he did, but you couldn’t stop the words from coming out of your mouth.

“A while,” he responds, guilt clawing at his throat, “about four months.”.

The confession was the final straw on the camels back.

“Four months?!” You scream, tears now steadily running down your cheeks, voice cracking at the heavy emotion. You had been seeing each other long before that. Confessing your feelings for one another nearly a year ago, but you had only gotten intimate with each other nearly five months ago. The timeline didn’t look so great in your head, your heart breaking even more.

“Did…Did you know before we-we fucked?” The harshness of your voice is what makes Neteyam flinch back as if you just slapped him across the face. The statement fucked brings a heaviness to his heart. The night you two became one, the night where you made love was one of Neteyam’s happiest memories. Often finding himself thinking about it during the late time of the night, smiling to himself that he was able to connect to you one another level and was able to please you in the way he always desired. He didn’t regret any of it.

Truth be told, he was told of the betrothal the morning of that night. He thought that if he avoided the subject at hand entirely, it would eventually go away. That if both of his parents saw his cold demeanor towards the girl he was arranged to marry, that they would call it off and allow him to choose for himself who he wanted as a mate. That if he mated with you, there would be nothing in your way of being together. He now knows that he shouldn’t have done that. That he was wrong to have done that. That he should’ve screamed and kicked and fought his parents once the news was broken to him. But he was too much of a coward to do so.

His silence is what gave you your answer. You scoffed at it. At his cowardice to answer. This was not the Neteyam you knew and grew to love.

“Was I just a distraction to you? Something you could toy with before leaving me in the dust as you continued on with your life with your new mate?” You hissed out, fists tightly closed. You so bad wanted to scream, punch, and hit anything and everything in sight, but you would have to wait until Neteyam had left to do what you desired.

Again, your words had hurt him. Had caused his heart to almost splinter in half. What have I done? He thinks.

“No! No, no,” he exclaims, crouching down into an even lower position to look at you, “You were not a distraction. You are so much more to me, yawne. You are all my stars in the sky. You are my sun to my moon. My other half. My whole heart. My ma-”. You cut him off.

“Don’t!” You firmly say, tears falling down your face at Neteyam’s confession, “Do not say it”.

He knew that you didn’t want to hear what he was going to call you. But it was true. You are his mate. The one he mated with before Eywa. The one he loves with all his heart and being. The one he would lay down his life for.

“But it is true. You are my mate,” he whispers, bringing your face into his oversized blue hands, warm against your cold and wet face.

His words and actions only make you cry harder and the heartbreak worse.

It’s quiet for a beat. And another. And another.

Neteyam’s worried that you managed to make yourself pass out from how hard you seemed to be crying, but he was proved wrong when your eyes opened and roughly pushed his hands off of your cheeks.

“Go! Go away!” You shouted, pushing at his lean chest. You wanted him gone but you also wanted him to stay. But you knew if he stayed, it would only be harder for you to let him go in the morning.

“I do not want you here! I don’t love you! Don’t see you!” You continued, sobbing.

Your weak attempts at pushing him away didn’t work, but your words did.

Neteyam fell onto his bottom in grief. Did you mean that?

“You don’t mean that, syulang,” he whispered, tears now streaming down his cheeks.

You only shake your head, “How do you know what I mean, Neteyam?!”.

The lack of your usual nickname for him stung. You always called him Teyam, Tey, or Ma’Tayem. Never his full name. He knew what you meant whenever you used his full name. And his heart continued to break at the fact.

“I am so sorry, yawne. Please, let me make it right. Let me fight for us,” he begs, shifting onto his knees as he grasps your hips and pleads for you to look at him, “I love you. I see you. Only you.”.

“You can’t make it right, Neteyam!” You spoke, “You had your chance the minute you knew of the arrangement and yet you did nothing about it. Nothing!”.

Your words were like stones in his heart, weighing him down. Neteyam didn’t think he’d ever encounter a pain quite like this. Nothing could ever compare to the pain he was feeling right now.

A tear fell from both of your eyes as a beat of silence took over the moment. Both hearts racing against the confines of their rib cages.

“Please,” he pleads one last time, voice wavering as it shook.

“Go. Please,” you beg, hands on Neteyams forearms, trying to get them off of you.

Whatever fight Neteyam had left to try to convince you that he still loved you and was going to fight off this betrothal left his body at your words. His eyes closed and his tail fell limp between his legs, heart completely splitting in two.

He only nods in acknowledgment to your request, gently kissing the crown of your head before getting up to leave.

As he leaves you there, in your lab, broken and crying, you still can’t help but still love him. Perhaps a part of you always will, even when he’s grown and has a family of his own with the woman he’s supposed to be with.

Before he completely retreats back into the forest, he gives you one last longing look before heading back to High Camp.

He promises himself that he will fight for you and the love that you share. That no matter what, he will do what is right and do everything in his power to get you back.

The following week, news quickly spread of the Sully children being held hostage by one of the returning Sky People. Forcing Jake Sully to make a decision for his family. Their departure from the clan hurt and saddened most, especially the Sully family.

You were told of their departure a day too late.

Neteyam had stopped by the day of. He stopped by to tell you that the betrothal was called off. That he still loved you. And that he was leaving to seek refuge with another clan. That he was going to keep fighting for you and that when he gets back, he’ll scream up into the sky that you are his and he is yours and that he doesn’t care that you’re human and he’s Na’vi. He left Norm a letter that contained all of this. He whispered that he loved you into your closed door before leaving, forcing himself to not look back because if he did, he knew he wouldn’t want to leave.

His death reached you four months after the family’s departure from the clan. You had forgiven him during those four months. Rereading his letter over and over again until you cried out all the tears your body allowed you to.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you saw Lo’ak enter the lab, looking the same as he did months before he left. But, he had a sad look on his face. Like a permanent scowl etched on to it.

When he broke the news to you, he had to cover his sensitive ears from your heartbroken scream. Lo’ak had known of yours and his brothers relationship, walking in on the two of you kissing one night.

He loved his brother and he loved his brothers love for you. Neteyam quietly begged in his arms for Lo’ak to watch over you in his absence. And so he will. He will love you because his brother loved you and he will watch and protect you because that’s what was asked of him.

#neteyam x reader #neteyam sully #neteyam #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam sully x reader #neteyam sully x you #neteyam sully x y/n #avatar #avatar imagine #avatar x y/n #avatar x reader #neteyam x human reader #atwow imagines #atwow x you #atwow x reader #angst #avatar: the way of water

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yunarim · 8 months

Text

╰┈➤ summary : you and your reliable partner grim are the most famous interdimensional travelers under the Official Isekai Association. you're used to traveling into psychological thrillers and horrors. however, this time something goes wrong, and you suddenly turn into the protagonist of… an otome game?!

— characters : jade leech, leona kingscholar | kalim al-asim, azul ashengrotto | lilia vanrouge, idia shroud

⌞tags⌝ : gn reader, fluff at times, angst (i'm offering EXTRA angst and drama for lilia & idia for you today), mentions of death, idia's part being quite dark actually, BUT there's a happy ending (or i think so but feel free to allegorize as you please! :))

— w.c. : 14.8k+

⌞notes⌝ : thank you for reading everyone!! it was really fun to write, and now i'm off to the uni activities (let's hope i'll have more spare time than i think i will so i can be more active on tumblr). i even thought to make this fic a bit longer (up to 200+ pages or so?) but due to lack of time i just had to make it shorter :(( but i hope you had fun reading!! thank you for all the support you've shown ^^

“Oi henchman,” Grim poked at your cheek, a strong smell of tuna coming from him. “How much percent does that bat-guy have?”

“Bat-guy?..” You asked, a dim and dull voice coming from the pillow you buried your face into. “Do you mean Lilia Vanrouge?”

“Yeah, him,” Grim’s tail tickled your ear. “I’ve met him so many times during your previous walkthroughs it’s insane.”

“Huh? You’ve met him more than me?.. I believe I’ve encountered him thrice or so.”

“It’s like he was always there.”

The dismal mood which glued to you firmly happened to tremble slightly at Grim’s statement. If he has met Lilia continuously, then how in the world did you miss him? He was there occasionally, twice you’ve met him in Leona’s route, but other than that? Lilia Vanrouge resembled a mystery under a dark lacy veil.

“Tell me about him,” you requested. “His profile is pretty confusing.”

“How come?”

“First, the difficulty of his walkthrough is 100%.”

“Fugnya?!”

“Second, his traits are fairly… uncommon. Not to mention his age is unknown.”

“Shit,” Grim cursed. “Can’t believe how tough that Idia guy will be.”

“Don’t mention him. I’m not sure if I can survive Lilia’s route.”

“Survive,” Grim repeated, crawling under the blanket. “You haven’t used this word since we first landed in our first thriller. What, do you think that Lilia dude will kill you just because he’s a bat or something?”

You chuckled, making a strange noise, and thought to yourself that no, he won’t kill you for sure—you couldn’t die twice—but he will deprive you of your mental stability for certain. And with heart beating in blind anguish you tapped on Grim’s paw to feel less stressed out, turning to him.

“Okay so,” Grim sighed and started. “Be careful, henchman. I don’t think I’m ready to see your face after you complete his route. Dude’s dangerous.”

“Ha!”

As if you didn’t know that yourself.

You never knew where Lilia would appear. In Leona’s route you’ve met him just on a fortunate occasion, and not to mention your savings ran out to the point you had only basic transmigrator features left: to save the game and to load it, to see the indicator above people’s heads, to get auto-save once you finish another route, to be able to see person’s profile and such.

So you came up with another idea. Since Grim was the one who witnessed Lilia during every route you’ve passed, you requested help from him directly. That’s why he went to the school yard, and you decided to go to auditoriums.

Classes ended, and you started searching from the classroom where 3-E class lessons were, stumbling upon Trey Clover, who apparently was Lilia’s classmate. He was gathering his things, and now that you thought about it, ‘side’ characters also experienced strange emotions towards you. For instance, Floyd had to appear curious about you, once mentioning to Grim—which your partner told you not directly, but in his sleep—that he would love to make an acquaintance with you, because you somehow ‘fit Jade’s vibe’ or so.

You wondered how Clover would react and approached him.

“Good afternoon,” you said, stretching out your hand for a handshake. “I’m Yuu.”

“Hello.”

Trey smiled at you politely, but the look in his eyes appeared to possess an uncertain curiosity.

“I’m Trey Clover,” he said, accepting your handshake. “You are the directing student, right? You’re quite popular around here, but it’s always impossible to meet you, ha-ha.”

“Y-yes?.. Why is that?”

“Why are you popular, you mean?” You nodded. “We’ll… Lilia always talks about you. Which is interesting, he always wonders where you could be. It’s quite unusual for him.”

“Ha-ha, how peculiar… I also wonder where he is right now. Possibly you have an idea?”

“Oh? With how often he mentions you I thought you two are good friends. Or something more~”

You jolted, forcing a smile. Clover, of course, had no ill intentions, but his words were poisonous to you.

“How could we…”

“Somehow you two have the same energy…” Trey shook his head. “No, forgive me, I’m just talking to myself. Anyway, I don’t know where Lilia would be, but the club meetings should start soon. Maybe you should go and look—”

“Light Music Club class, right?”

“You sure you don’t know where he is?” Trey chuckled. “Sorry. Well then, I’ll get going. See you!”

“Yes… see you. Thank you.”

Strange. No matter how you looked at it, it was strange to the bone. Clover just confirmed what Grim saw — Lilia obviously entailed an unconcealed interest in you, provided he not just was there in other routes, but also talked about you. But what was the reason for him to do it? He didn’t know you, unless there was an error occurring in the system and ruining the whole story, but it certainly wasn’t anything. So why would he…

You opened the Light Music Club room’s door and glanced over it quickly, noticing Lilia wasn’t there. Alright, you had some time to sort out your thoughts alone before encountering Vanrouge in person, so you came in, closing the door, and observed the room. Music sheets were scattered everywhere quite chaotically, and dust particles were flowing under sunbeams breaking through the opened window.

“Hm, that one song…” You grabbed a music sheet, recognizing the song’s lyrics. “I think I saw it before.”

It certainly was a remix, something reminiscent of an old folk song you’ve heard once, transmigrating into a horror fantasy novel. It sounded quite romantic and nice, very light and joyful, something unostentatious that helped you during hard times. Horrors were always energy and emotion draining, but this song could bring you some sort of a rewind.

You smiled, seeing that not much changed in this version, but without any notes you couldn’t figure out for sure how it sounded, so the original tune just slipped out of your tongue.

Enjoying the sound and the light feeling in your chest, you finally managed to feel genuinely free and happy, just like Kalim wished for you to be, and you positioned yourself on the windowsill, seeing people down there on the school yard passing by.

“I remember like it’s yesterday,” you’ve sung, opening the system’s tools and checking Lilia’s profile. “When I was having hard time being lonely.”

Indeed, there was no age mentioned. How very strange, you thought, but also tried to remember how old you yourself were when you started wandering around the worlds, like a ghost haunting the mansion, finding no peace and always trying to reach for something significant.

“The unfamiliar atmosphere,” you’ve continued singing. “The fearful thrills, now I know…”

In fact, you didn’t know anything. An unpleasant pricking sensation in your heart caused you to stare at Lilia’s image for an uncertain amount of time.

“Including my immature heart…”

You knew the next line in the song, but thought it would be best to refrain from singing it, when you realized it didn’t suit you at the moment. No matter how hard you wanted to escape this place and let everyone be happy, you still couldn’t and—

“You made me to think of those as good memories~”

You blinked, hearing obviously not your own voice, and now that you noticed, didn’t Lilia’s profile image turned not so transparent as usual?..

“Hm? Why would you stop singing?”

A popped up system window abruptly closed at once, and you saw Lilia hanging upside down and floating midair just before you.

“What the.. Isn’t it the second floor?!”

“Now now,” Lilia sneaked into the room, plunging on the sofa, and looked at you with a sly smile, yet a kind and feignedly naive look in his eyes. “Sorry for scaring you! Although I’m not sure if I did, you don’t look like passing out.”

“And why would I?”

“Well, magicless humans don’t usually see people hanging upside down. I was ready to catch you if you fell out of the window.”

“Huh, thanks for your kindness I guess?.. And I believe I’m just not the person to be easily impressed.”

“Hmmm~” Lilia grinned at you. “Still, how wonderful that you know the original sound of the song. When I asked Cater and Kalim, they mentioned they never knew it was a remix in the first place.”

“Kalim…” You mumbled to yourself, not knowing that Lilia heard you, then shook your head. “Uhm, it’s a… popular song in my original world.”

You didn’t even remember the world you were born in. Was there any magic and you were the one to not be blessed—or cursed?—with this ability, or was it a completely magicless world in the first place?

Now matter how hard you’ve tried, you never managed to remember at least a glimpse.

“Oh really?” Lilia smirked. “How old are you, Yuu? It’s quite an old song.”

“I’m…”

Your physical age was the one at which you died, and after that you could refer as you pleased. At first there was a strict system which highly depended on an employee’s age, and there were tasks and stories requiring certainty, but as your bosses explained, there were not so many people ready for the horror stories, so they allowed people who were physically and externally old enough to buy appearance changing abilities.

As for you, a similar case happened once when you needed to appear a bit older than you looked. But other than that, how old were you actually, if you were to consider the years spent while traveling to other dimensions?

“I’m 18,” you replied. “And you?”

“I might appear younger than I actually am, so let the surprise remain till the end, what do you think?”

“O-okay?..”

Lilia giggled at how unsure yet accepting your answer was.

“What a beautiful song, really.”

“I believe so too,” you nodded. “But uhm, Lilia, could I ask you about something?”

“Go ahead!”

“Clover said that you… talk about me quite often. Is that true? Why would you do that?”

For a mere second the gleam in Lilia’s eyes disappeared, but you couldn’t say for sure what kind of emotion shadowed his face.

“Ha-ha, there’s something majestic about you. Makes me wonder if you’re really that cold and serious as you appear.”

“Excuse me?..”

“Ah, don’t get me wrong~” Vanrouge jumped off the sofa, then appeared before you in a flash, examining your face and making you flustered all of sudden. “Yes, that’s what I’m talking about. You seem so mournful and wintry at times, but we just exchanged fairly mixed emotions, didn’t we?”

“What do you mean by ‘mixed’?” You asked, averting your gaze.

“You show just a bit of emotion around certain people, so I wondered what it takes to make you smile.”

You knitted your brows together, glancing askance at him, and met Lilia’s widened in surprise eyes. You shrugged away the confusion grown in you and approached him, non-verbally asking if he was okay due to the sudden disturbance, but he quickly regained his composure.

“Sorry~” He smiled. “It’s just that you… No, nevermind.”

“You’re strange, Lilia Vanrouge.”

And again he looked as if the world was about to cease within a second, and with similar impetuosity disappeared.

“So are you,” he grinned. “In any case, I’m glad I finally found you. Make sure to be more careful when you go somewhere alone, okay? And don’t sit on windowsills.”

“What are you, my dad?” You chuckled, but the depth and a hint of despair stored in his eyes made you swallow your joke. “Okay, I will. Sorry for making you… worry?”

Just how strange Lilia was, really. Not only did he talk vaguely and in riddles, but also appeared to be worried about you, however what was the reason behind?

“Just stay ali… safe. That is enough for my ha—”

“Lilia, we came!! How about we— Huh?”

And the day couldn’t be worse than it already started. Kalim and another person, who you remembered to be Cater Diamond, also a member of Light Music Club, entered the room with Kalim abruptly stopping talking when he saw you.

“Oh, Yuu?” He approached you, taking your hands in his and causing you to bite your lip to not say anything. “Hello! I’m Kalim Al-Asim, but you can call me—”

“Kalim, yes?” You answered before him, making Kalim part his lips slightly before continuing.

“Yep!! But uhm, Yuu, why do you look so dreadful? You should smile, I know you look so bright when you do!”

Cater and Lilia blinked at him, when you couldn’t help yourself but actually reciprocate Kalim’s generously huge smile.

“See! You’re so cute, Yuu! Just as I’ve told you!”

“Yuu-chan is surely cute,” Cater said. “But uhm. How did you know that? I don’t think you two met before?”

“Right,” Lilia nodded. “I do wonder, too.”

“Oh,” Kalim gasped. “Actually, I don’t know… It just happened.”

You clenched your shirt in your hand, but didn’t stop smiling, not noticing Lilia staring at you.

And also his heart filling up just slightly.

You’ve started questioning if Lilia’s route was really that hard as the system calculated. He was openly showing his unconcealed interest for you, and also he was the one approaching and finding you everywhere before you could even think about searching for him yourself.

He was ready to help you with anything, and he also was quite willing to listen to what you could tell, when you came up with ideas of what you two might talk about. Creating the ways of starting conversations was the hardest part, as you really didn’t know what was safe to say and what wasn’t.

But what confused you the most was Lilia’s heart icon.

Normally it would fill up thrice, or just twice in Kalim’s case, but Lilia’s one was inconsistent, wavering and uncertain, as if he himself couldn’t decide what he should think of you. After that one talk you had in the Light Music Club’s room you saw that there was a liquid in his heart, and the day after it just…

Disappeared.

You never knew it could happen and at first you were scared you'd fail, then you felt a relief that maybe there was a mistake in the system and you’ll be sent to the office shortly, but you never were. The system indicators were absolutely fine and showed no errors occurred, so the problem was in Lilia himself.

You could just say something, and the liquid in his heart would fill up to its third, then say something not so very different or surprising, and it would dissolve again. You asked Grim whether he knew something, but he also didn’t, so now your main task was to figure out what the hell was happening.

Maybe that was that 100% of the difficulty level of his route, but it still seemed simple with how devoted Vanrouge was, always meeting you and spending time with you.

Not to mention Lilia was strange to the point you couldn’t comprehend how you should feel about him. In the previous walkthroughs you learnt lessons, you tried to change and came to the realization you’ll never be the same, you’ve become vulnerable to no good if you were about to enter another horror or thriller.

“Yuu?”

You raised your head when you heard Lilia’s voice above you. The heart was filled to its third, and Lilia bent over to look at the book you were reading.

“Oh,” he said, taking a seat beside you under the tree in the school yard. “Right, there’s a magic history exam coming up that you first years will take, correct?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I’ve been reading about Briar Valley’s war period.”

Lilia’s gaze turned more serious, which you’ve noticed, knowing he came from this country according to his profile, and didn’t want to pursue, so as to not recall unpleasant memories, but Lilia suddenly smiled and took the book you were holding in his hands.

“Okay let’s have a revision then!!”

“Huh?” You blinked. “But I haven’t read much and…”

“I’ll help, I’m good at history.”

“Alright…”

“So!” Lilia exclaimed. “Let’s see… What can you tell me about the pre-war period? The state of the people during the time.”

Despite how cheerful and friendly he tried to look, his eyes full of despair made you frown, but you tried to stay focused, and answered.

“Before the intervention happened,” you started. “The leadership of the Briar Valley took a number of political steps that attribute to the causes of the war, which are the nationalization of the means of production, banks and large-scale industry and the solution of the agrarian question in accordance with the program of the Briar Valley’s leadership, contrary to the interests of the landowners, which provoked the resistance of the previously ruling classes, who lost their property and…”

“Yuu,” Lilia interrupted you. “I see you’re quite knowledgeable and will definitely pass. But hm… Would you be so kind as to tell me what would you do if you were in common people’s shoes?”

“Me?” Your eyes widened. “Why?”

“Among people who lost everything and had nothing to do to escape this state were not so many people as calm as you are. So I’m quite…. Interested in your point of view.”

“I don’t think I can answer that?..”

“Alright, then… Let me rephrase that. If you were in the situation where you could save someone dear to you or save yourself, who would you choose?”

Lilia closed the book he was holding, and lowered his gaze, his pupils almost fading in a scary sorrow that slided down his eyes.

His route wasn’t just a simple one where he could just fall in love with you, or where you needed to fall in love with him — you still couldn’t. The feelings you’ve carried towards others weren’t love in its romantical way, as you thought, but your emotions that arose when communicating with Lilia resembled a huge ball of tangled multi-colored threads of different textures. Some were rough and even scabrous, like sandpaper, while others resembled flowing silk enveloping the mind and warming the heart.

And maybe that is precisely why his walkthrough happened to be so tough.

“Of course,” you looked straight up at him. “The dearest one. I’m not scared of dying.”

You looked at him in surprise when the liquid in his heart rose with a spring to the max, causing you to gasp and almost scream, but then something absolutely inadmissible happened.

His heart broke with a rattling sound, the liquid dissolved and disappeared, leaving just a glassy empty cracked vessel floating above his head.

“Lilia!!” You cried out, receiving a bitter smile from him.

What just happened?!

“Just as I thought, Yuu.”

“What do you mean?.. Are you alright?”

“Hm? Why would you ask that?”

“That was so sudden… Are you not satisfied with my answer?”

“This is not something I can enjoy for sure, don’t you think?” He chuckled. “But don’t worry, I just… I think I hoped you would choose yourself.”

“But… why?” You asked, your trembling hands being covered with Lilia’s steady ones. “I don’t understand. I won’t change my answer, but isn’t it only natural?”

“I think for kind people, such as you, it is. I would do that myself, there’s no denying. I already did once and… In any case,” he fixed a strand of your hair. “It just made me realize you probably don’t value your own life yourself.”

You looked at him confusedly.

“Why would you think so?”

“Who knows,” he shrugged. “But it’s quite… upsetting. You resemble them so much…”

Them? You wondered who he meant by referring like that, but it was a valuable clue in how to finish his route, which by now resembled not just a walkthrough of a silly otome game character, but an extremely confusing, yet holistic individual.

Them, huh. Then maybe… Was your purpose not to make Lilia fall in love with you, but something else? And what would that even be?

“I need to go,” Vanrouge suddenly dropped, standing up and looking at you, who grabbed his sleeve subconsciously without thinking. “Good luck on your exams, Yuu.”

“Lilia, wait!”

He paused for a moment, trying to find something particular in your eyes, and patted your head, demonstrating a deplorable smile.

“I hope you’ll manage to find something that will make you cherish yourself.”

You stared at his distant silhouette and did not notice how a single tear rolled down your left cheek, leaving behind a crooked wet path.

Lilia’s route was surely an uncommon one. You wanted to howl with how hard the difficulty level hit you, starting from Lilia following you and helping with anything to him ignoring and avoiding you. And you knew he did that because he also suspected something about you, not just because of the words you’ve said.

And it was confusing.

You couldn’t find him anywhere, no matter what. You even tried overcoming yourself and willingly approached Kalim to ask if he knew where Lilia was, but he surprisingly didn’t, leaving you with nothing but a cracking feeling in your chest after that little interaction.

In previous routes, even if there were pauses, like Leona was just busy dealing with something, they never avoided you for about three weeks in a row. You were going insane with how you actually wanted to understand what was wrong, to figure out feelings Lilia carried within his heart, why would the heart icon break, and who were they he mentioned.

Which is why you decided to bring him a bouquet of flowers you were going to pick yourself. It was nothing much, you would probably not be able to find him at all, but at least you wanted to give him something. If your idea fails, then alright, you’ll just pass him the bouquet through his classmates or clubmates.

You remembered the forest you went to in your first walkthrough, wanting to find a mushroom for Jade. The same landscape, the same dull and cold weather, you having no equipment—it felt almost nostalgic. You didn’t plan to go deep further, just to pick some flowers without reaching the cliff you fell off in Jade’s route.

Ah of course, it was storming and thundering right when you reached the forest.

You were shivering out of the cold wind and freezing raindrops, but there was no other choice. Not to mention there were also flowers that blossomed only in cold weather and should be picked only when it’s raining. Which is why you stubbornly went further, ignoring weather conditions, and found a small meadow surrounded by majestic firs.

There was no moon in the sky, given it was covered with dark clouds, and you lowered your head, discovering plenty of beautiful flowers and starting picking them. Both your clothes and hands were covered in dirt while you picked flowers, but you didn’t seem to care, opening the system tabs and checking the meaning of certain plants. You wanted to express your feelings in a correct way without misinterpreting anything and—

“Ouch,” you clicked your tongue. “You’re quite spiky, huh…”

You pulled out a tiny flower with thin petals, noticing an unexpectedly thick trunk with sharp thorns, and felt your finger slightly paralyzed.

“Shit…” You’ve whispered, checking out the system tab. “It’s…”

“Yuu!!”

You thought you’ve misheard, because the heavy rain was getting stronger, the wind mercilessly burned the skin with its sharp breaths and howls. But when you turned, trying to recognize the silhouette which you think appeared somewhere in front of you, you were thrown to the ground, being squeezed in a strong hug.

“H-huh…”

You were surprised, you really were, and yet you felt so weak and unsteady.

“You fool,” you recognized Lilia’s worried voice. “You idiot!!”

“You’re the one to talk,” you chuckled. “Avoiding me and then cursing me. What’s gotten into you?!”

“Just don’t go,” he demanded, tightening his grip on you, lying on top of you, who was still holding the flower. “Don’t go in the same way they did. Don’t die, Yuu. I’m begging…”

“Lilia… I’m not dying, see?”

“This flower…” You felt his lips somewhere in the crook of your neck. “Is poisonous.”

Which you already discovered when pricking and checking out the file the system provided you with. It really was, but you had saved the walkthrough before entering the forest and—

“I’m not letting you die here.”

“But that’s alright, given you’ve come. I was worried and—”

“Can you please worry about yourself for once?!”

You paused for a moment. Right, he didn’t know you couldn’t die in the first place.

But did it really matter? He reprimanded you, demanded you to cherish your life, yourself…

“Lilia, tell me… Did something happen to them, so now you correlate that case with mine?”

Vanrouge took your hand in his, frowning and placing a soft kiss on the place where you were pricked, and now it was you who started panicking.

“Idiot, if it’s poisonous, then you will!..”

“I won’t.” Lilia answered. “Faes are stronger than you, humans. This little flower won’t kill me.”

“There’s no need to worry about me, too.”

“You stupid!” He cried, cupping your face in his face. “Stupid Yuu. Your pupils are almost gone, you can’t even move your hands properly already. How come you’re so calm when you’re literally dying!?”

“Why would you care!!”

You clenched your hands into fists, curling your fingers into your palms as if shivering in pain, and exhaled painfully slowly, closing your eyes.

In fact, you knew. You’ve realized just as they’re not only characters of a game you’ve crushed into, they were more humanic then you yourself were. They’ve taught you different feelings.

But from the obsessive thoughts that you really melted the crust of thick ice that covered your true essence, capable of loving; you wanted to escape from these thoughts, the stubborn belief that putting on a mask of alienation and indifference was the most correct decision was about to disappear, had you only look in Lilia’s worried eyes.

While you wanted them to be not just game characters and experience different feelings, you also desired for yourself to be a doll without any bright emotions.

“Why would I, you ask? Really?” He whispered, laughing nervously. “Fine. You do resemble my first lover who died long long ago. Just like you’re about to do, they also pricked their finger and died from poison.”

You frowned, avoiding meeting his stare.

“And they also didn’t care about themselves. They wished for me to be happy, for me to be alive. And I was there, a fae who couldn’t die that easily, witnessing their death.”

“I’m sorry for your loss…”

“Shut it,” he leaned closer to you, but there was no warmth in his actions, and squeezed your hand, which you couldn’t feel anymore. “You’re not them. You’re… You don’t care about yourself to the very last second of your life. I wanted to prevent you from getting into trouble, because I was simply scared.”

“But who am I to you? Just another mere human, what did I do for you to worry so hard?”

“Something absolutely irrational,” he chuckled.

“What? Did I just remind you of your previous lover?”

“Quite the opposite. Remember when we talked about sacrifices?”

“Yes, what about that?”

He settled into a sitting position, taking off his jacket and pulling it over you, knowing that it was useless in this situation.

“You’ve said you’re not scared of dying. My first love also wasn’t. But they chose themselves.”

“And I chose the dearest one to me…”

“They pricked their finger when collecting flowers, because there was a legend that the flower could heal. They were already on the verge of death due to illness, but… They weren’t afraid to die, yet desperately searched for a way to live.”

“Lilia, I… I’m sorry.”

He sighed, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Don’t be. I couldn’t find the reason for you to treasure your life.”

You wanted to smile at him to avoid further discussion, but at the same time… You thought that you did.

It seemed to you that there was no point in denying it, and you closed your eyes sharply, hoping to blink away this strange feeling that you really wanted to live. To live and remember everything that happened, all the emotions and tingles in the chest.

“Every time… it feels like I'm learning a lesson…” You said vaguely. “To treasure small moments, to believe in myself and others, to smile genuinely, to let myself feel loved… And now, to treasure my life.”

“Ha,” Vanrouge chuckled. “Yuu, what kind of life did you live before that no one told you the things that make you human?”

Your smile was just as nebulous as your answer.

“I’m not sure if I was human before.”

“Huh?”

“Nevermind… Lilia, I… Even if I may sound stupid, please let me thank you for letting me know that I should treasure myself.”

One his smile, one his tight hold of your hand, and the bright light filling up his heart bursted out of it, enveloping you in it.

“So that was the purpose of your route, huh,” you laughed.

“Route?” He asked, drawing you closer to his chest.

“You know, I wasn’t scared of death because I can’t die twice. I would just… reload the game and start again. And now, since I’ve finished your route, I’ll get into another one. But you won’t remember that.”

“Ha!” Lilia smirked. “I’ll never forget you, Yuu. And a fae can’t lie.”

You just smiled to him, enjoying his determination and managing to reciprocate his gentle touch, not feeling anything in your hand.

┆₊ ⊹ the song in lilia's part — nct u - from home

“Something’s not right, Yuu.”

“What?..”

Everything seemed quite alright to you. Your usual post-walkthrough experience, Grim nagging about something, another route to finish, another emotion to develop, you levitating in a strange void… Wait.

Void?

“Where are we?”

Usually you could witness such a sight when transferring into another world. Familiar empty arrays, slightly interrupted by multi-colored digital fibers, waves of supersonic flew around.

“Wait, Grim!! Look!”

You pointed at the loading bar, indicating another world loading progression, and grabbed Grim’s paw, drawing him closer, being flown away somewhere further.

“The fuck?”

“Oi, language,” you said. “But… What is going on? I haven’t finished Idia’s route! I haven’t even started it!”

“This is strange.”

But the profiles popped up, switching from one to another, and you noticed Idia’s one literally smashing into your face, causing you to gasp.

“Ugh!”

Before observing what the system tab introduced to you, you managed to look at Lilia’s ‘COMPLETED’ line which became common at this point, and, sighing, switched to Idia, gasping the second after.

No portrait, no information, everything being blurred or written in ??????

Nothing.

“I don’t understand what is going on,” you said. “At all!”

“I thought we’re transmigrating to another story.”

“The boss couldn’t just let us transfer to another dimension without introducing the details.”

“That little punk.”

“Hey, he’s our boss after all.”

“Little shit who let you suffer without any warning.”

“Grim…” You smiled at him. “Alright, is there any information available?”

“Nah. Nothing at all. But I guess we’re about to figure it out.”

A bright flash ripping out the space let you know that you were about to enter another (?) world, and held Grim closer to you, ready to witness what was about to happen.

And more importantly, what happened to Idia’s route?

Digital waves floated around Idia, breaking space and distorting it. Idia squinted in discomfort and because of the crackle of sparks in the processor of his computer, when a deafening explosion was heard, and space waves came out with distorted algorithms, system errors popped up every now and then, and Idia just growled in indignation.

“Uh, the hell?”

He rubbed his eyes with the dry fingers, discovering to his delight that the soda in the can hadn't spilled from the sudden rupture of the universe, and exhaled heavily with a creak, opening the profile that flashed in the system window.

Yuu.

No surname, no age, just an occupation — interdimensional traveler (genres: thriller & horror).

“Aaah…shit.”

Idia yawned, taking a cheese chip and biting it. While looking to improve his equipment and extract materials that could be used in Ortho's various gears, one day Idia stumbled upon a very strange glitch in the system.

At first he thought it was another error he could fix, but when system windows started popping up everywhere not just on his computer’s monitor, but in freaking reality, Idia realized he maybe perhaps possibly potentially very likely needed more sleep juuuuust a bit.

Idia chuckled, unimpressed, and quickly glanced over system tabs, seeing profiles of people of this college. Wha, how wonderful, he REALLY did want to see them, uh-huh— The hell?

“Not even dorm leaders,” Idia noticed, leafing through the files. “Riddle-shi would be so pissed off he wasn’t mentioned lmao.”

What a strange order. First Jade Leech, the second year of Octavinelle, then suddenly Leona Kingscholar, Kalim Al-Asim being next…

“Yoooo, Azul-shi?” Idia chuckled, stumbling upon his clubmate profile. “What kind of game is that lol.”

The more he checked, the more he was getting confused. Alright, it wasn’t the info that couldn’t be obtained at all, after all everyone knows that Al-Asim is an extremely wealthy family, and Kingscholar is even royalty, but what was the ‘DIFFICULTY LEVEL’ parameter?

“Damn Lilia-shi is impressive for sure,” Idia nodded to himself, pulling another chip out of the package. “100% difficulty, must be hard…. Not for me tho ofc~”

If there was a difficulty level in each profile, that was probably some sort of a game, right? So Idia thought before stumbling upon his own profile being blurred completely.

“Ayo the fuck?” He chuckled in disbelief. “That’s my name!!”

Unknown difficulty level? Well that’s obvious, given he’s the boss, the main character!!..

The main character? Wait a moment.

“Yuu,” Idia mumbled and repeated. “Yuu, huh. What the hell interdimensional traveler even means?”

Some time passed with Idia investigating who the hell you were in the first place, and couldn’t find anything.

He leaned to his PC, checking out the monitors, and noticed you on one of the cameras in the school. Uh-huh, so that's where you were…

Sipping the coffee Jade Leech brewed, you enjoyed the conversation you’ve had. Idia cringed at witnessing such an awkward situation, averting his gaze and not noticing the dismal look in your eyes.

“If Yuu-shi’s main genres are thriller and horror, does it mean we here live in one, too?” Idia muttered to himself. “No wait, isn’t it like, incredible discovery, scientific breakthrough? Shouldn’t I let the world know there are more universes we imagined, and here’s living proof?”

The ‘living proof’, you that would be, was currently heading out to Ramshackle, where Idia had no cameras, thus he just decided to create your profile himself, filling out the details according to the data he was obtaining.

“Ugh,” he cringed. “Feels awkward.”

It did. You were interesting enough to know you better, but huh—he wasn’t a fool to interact with you firsthand, right?! He promised to himself he wouldn’t obtain anything that would violate your privacy, and come to think of it, your every interaction with anyone wasn’t concealed from strangers’ eyes. You were on the school grounds, it was only natural he could overhear… Shit.

“I’m garbage,” he concluded, dropping his face in his hands and sighing with a heaviness in his chest. “But Yuu’s too strange.”

Idia couldn’t let himself get some sleep. Not when your activity suddenly went up almost at night and you headed to the freaking forest! What were you thinking, really?!

But wait.

“What is that thing…”

Idia leaned closer to the screen and gasped, noticing familiar flying system tabs around you. The camera he installed was too far away to see exactly what the tabs were portraying, but there was no denying that you brought those strange flying windows when landed here in Twisted Wonderland.

And again, there were no cameras in the forest, but Idia was waiting for you to come out. It’s not prohibited to enter the forest on your own, but given it was the school for magicians, they surely could protect themselves from anything happening, however you? You possessed no magic, and Idia already checked that—you were magicless to the bone—but didn’t you think it was at least reckless to go to the forest when it was dark and cold?

He thought you were stupid, really. You didn’t come out for some time, and when he was ready to drop his face on the keyboard and faint due to fatigue, sound sensors suddenly arose, and your scream was heard.

“What’s happening there?!”

He tried checking other cameras and found the one close to the further part of the forest, which demonstrated a view near the cliff, and noticed your figure, which appeared a bit distorted on the camera, always glitching and emitting flashy sparks.

“Yuu-shi is surely something,” Idia mumbled. “And… uh? Isn’t it Jade-shi?”

No way just WHAT WAS THAT thing above his head??

A heart-shaped icon filled to its half with a pink strange liquid.

“Isn’t it like,” Idia bit his lip, eyes widening in disbelief. “An otome game thing?”

No way. Literally no way.

If you were an interdimensional traveler, that meant Twisted Wonderland was just another world you’ve entered, a book-like story with the effect of full immersion from the first person perspective, your perspective, to be precise—yeah, he got that already. But weren’t your genres thriller and horror? So what’s with that cringey heart icon and the way Jade-shi looked at you?!

There must be an error in the system you’ve brought. And wait…

If Jade was listed the first in profiles, Idia being the last… didn’t it mean that he was about to be wooed by you?!

“Ha, you wish,” he laughed nervously, his heartbeat accelerating rapidly.

The nature of that icon was yet to be investigated. Did it appear instantly after your arrival? Idia stood up, stretching and hearing an unpleasant sound of his vertebrae cracking after sitting for so long, then made his way to the mirror and frowned. There was no icon or whatsoever.

Okay, then it did mean that the icon appeared only when you enter your love interests routes, right?

He himself was safe for a time being. Interested in what the hell was going on, yes indeed, but also scared.

Didn’t it mean he needed to fall in love with you to complete the mission? And hey, why was Jade-shi so calm about it? It was obvious something wasn’t right with you, so how could he believe you so easily? Moreover, why compete with others when there literally were figures like Leona-shi or Lilia-shi?

After you were rescued and headed over to Ramshackle, he closed his eyes and plunged on the bed, ready to howl in indignation.

Days passed, and a festival with the firework show you’ve prepared came. Idia didn’t care much, being able to watch right in his room, not to mention he possessed no interest at all, watching you getting on the rooftop instead.

Jade came not so long after, and when Idia thought it was still stupid to overhear you, but he needed that to figure out how to behave and what to do, the heart-shaped icon above Jade-shi’s head suddenly started glowing slightly, filling up with pink liquid to the max.

The icon started radiating bright light, and that was when he noticed how shocked you were, how your face became overshadowed with fear and agony, and frowned himself. You looked like an anime character at the denouement of the story, but that was right when he realized himself.

If the route was coming to an end, what was about to happen with him? Will he forget everything? Shit, that would complicate his research, no no no!!

The last thing he saw before the light filled his own room was your sad yet bright smile on the screen, and then the world went out.

“Ugh…”

When Idia woke up, he noticed a strange pricking feeling in his chest, then rushed to the PC.

“You gotta be kidding…”

Your image and a progress indicator under the photo suddenly popped up in front of him.

20% of completion.

He checked Jade Leech’s profile which already turned gray and unavailable to interact with anymore, but then Leona’s profile popped up, showing 0% of completion.

“So I… remember everything?”

A strange joy blossomed in his chest for a brief moment before a realization hit, notifying that he needed to continue investigating. And that he also still was one of the targets.

“Mkay,” he muttered, getting out of bed and crawling on the chair, feeling sleep deprived and hungry. Who cared about food anyway? “Let’s continue, Yuu-shi.”

What was his role in this game though? Well, he obviously meant to be the main character with extra imbalance abilities! But after waking up and remembering everything that happened, especially your unnaturally distorted gaze, he started questioning his own purpose in this charade.

“Haiz,” he chuckled, noticing how you already found Leona-shi. Was he sniffing you?! “Damn he’s surely feline…”

“The smell, not of magic, but similar. Also like that fish guy?”

Idia knitted brows together, wondering what could Leona know. It appeared Kingscholar didn’t remember anything about you at all, but still carried a feeling that you and Jade-shi already interacted.

“So he doesn’t know that’s a game,” Idia concluded, nodding to himself and adding the obtained info to his databases, his fingers flying above the keyboard. “Which makes Yuu-shi and me the only ones who know.”

Despite how proud he was for feeling himself being so special and extraordinary, he rolled up his sleeves and scratched his head in confusion, trying to form a logically adequate chain of events and arguments in order to come to an unambiguous decision as a result, but, alas, his attempts were unsuccessful.

What scared him the most was the possibility of being the last love interest. He remembered protagonists of otome games, mainly they were kind individuals with bright personalities, or with no personalities at all. He preferred the last ones, they were close to his own blank gloomy self, to feel himself being the main hero of the story, to insert his own thoughts into the walkthrough, but you?

You weren’t so overkindly and bubbly as he first you would. Your decisions were rational at first, and you perhaps were provided with no knowledge about how romance worked, judging by your slow progression, the majority of which happened because of the natural charm and characters being enchantingly attracted to you… or so he thought.

Idia howled when a stupid thought ran across his mind at the speed of light, piercing him through and screaming ‘Yuu-shi is really charming tho…’, and quickly brushed it off, shaking his head. Argh, that was all useless!! You were aiming for his heart, not the icon, but real heart, his real feelings and the ability to love. And to hell with you, he didn’t want to love you!!

He didn’t want to imagine what happens with him when you leave.

Locks of his hair scattered all over the table when Leona-shi suddenly kissed you in front of others. Oi, wasn’t it too much?!

Idia wondered if the smile with which you replied to Leona was really genuine, or was it a perfect act for you to escape his route freely?

Days passing from route to route felt like ages. After Leona the time consumed for completing was extending, and when Kalim’s walkthrough dropped, Idia wanted to ignore you at all cost.

He could understand your previous self with an extremely concealed demeanor, rational and logical thinking, a goal to finish everything and get back home—where was it, by the way?—but as for now, you’ve started experiencing transformations of your soul.

Your emotions became more open and vivid, your normally efficient and sensible ways of thinking were affected by a variety of feelings, which Idia himself was unable to distinguish. Was it the softness of your heart or an honest desire to open up? Ugh, normies things…

“Oi, isn’t his heart already full?!”

Idia checked the icon above Kalim’s head and gasped. Damn, the system that you’ve carried around here was surely impressive, demonstrating how feelings could work. Kalim-shi was most definitely full of love towards you, why hasn't his route finished already?

Apparently a strange thing called ‘feelings’ was the problem. Being in love with you but not allowing himself to express it because he refrained himself and wished for other people’s happiness in the first place? What a strange guy. If that would be Idia…

Wait, what would he do?

“Let your own heart decide.”

Idia tensed up.

You weren’t saying it for him, but the sharp cutting sensation that pierced his chest made Idia wince at the vagueness of his emotions, and he clenched the jacket in his fist.

Will there be any feelings left for him when you get on his route?

“Shit, what an absurd way of thinking,” he laughed at himself. What a fool.

He should have avoided you at all cost!!

But actually seeing you coming to his clubmate, the one he could consider a friend, and asking for boldly falling in love with him?! Yuu-shi, you’re extremely insane, huh?

Okay, that was your purpose all along—to make Azul fall in love with you—but argh!! Hugging in a narrow staff room?!

Idia averted his gaze, questioning your emotions. Were you just collecting people like toys, limited cards in your collection, to just leave casually when it’s over? He didn’t want to become one of them, to develop at least a tiny something towards you to be left all alone. Again.

At one point Idia thought it would be interesting to watch you interacting with Vil-shi, given how perfectly you played the role of being the protagonist, the one who attracted everyone.

Yes, it was for the best. It was the simplest way to think of you like that, a villain destroying everyone’s hearts.

So that he wouldn’t feel so lonely himself.

When Lilia’s route started, Idia has woken up with an insanely strong migraine making him slightly worried. The more walkthroughs you passed, the more he was feeling strange.

“I wonder if Azul-shi will remember what Yuu-shi told him…”

Maybe he actually should have gone and checked on him, but Idia quickly shrugged the thought off.

“Oh?”

Your image suddenly appeared to be too close to the camera he installed, and Idia wondered where you were, given you were sitting on a windowsill. Okay, Light Music Club’s room. And you were…

You were singing softly. Your voice was pleasant to hear, nothing out of the ordinary, but still fairly nice to enjoy. Not to mention your dreamy face yet shadowed with a glimpse of sadness… Why were you so gloomy at times anyway? Just play your role, ugh.

And Lilia-shi was also strange. According to him, you appeared to be resembling someone… What kind of Surrealistic Messenger experience was that, huh? What were you, a Nika?

You really had no logic left, going to the forest from your first walkthrough again, huh? And it rained heavily, too, but Idia couldn’t see what was happening there. But when the bright light started beaming through the trees, Idia exhaled freely.

It was also the moment he realized.

He was the next and the last route.

You stared at the black space, hearing almost nothing, and the familiarity got you thinking that all of the things happening you had already witnessed once. Just right when you landed here in Twisted Wonderland.

You tried outstretching your hand, meeting with a thud, and you chuckled to yourself, prying off the coffin lid and removing it from the hinges, taking one step out.

“Grim?”

“Henchman…”

Grim found you, who was wearing the ceremonial robe, and you two ended up bursting with hysterical laughter, when Crowley came and noticed you…

No way. No way it was just as on your first day of transmigrating here!!

Same people, same places, same events, same dialogues…

Same mirror proclaiming you’re magicless.

Everything was just the same!!

“Grim,” you whispered to him while Crowley was searching for the books to try figuring out where you came from. You always mentioned other worlds’ places in those kinds of situations, because your boss demanded you not say anything personal. “Check out if the status of the game has changed.”

“Got it.”

You saw Grim summoning the system interface, but a sudden abrupt flash made you close your eyes for a moment, and when you opened them, you saw tabs glitching and lagging around you, distorting the space.

“What the…”

“Hm?” Crowley turned to you, apparently scanning your face, but you couldn’t say for sure because of his mask. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Crowley-sensei,” you smiled at him.

“Yuu!” Grim in your hands looked at you with widened eyes and whispered. “What’s happening with the system?!”

“I don’t know,” you answered with your lips only. “How’s the status?”

“Check it yourself…”

But before you could check, Crowley turned to you, proclaiming he can’t find the place you’ve come from. The very same scenario, you going to the Ramshackle, meeting with ghosts…

With only one small exception in the form of constantly sparkling elements of the system, alternately popping up here and there.

“Yuu, we haven’t got enough time for that. Check the genre!!!”

You instantly sank to your knees, unable to believe your eyes. Your heart thumped wildly in your chest, forcing you to turn to Grim, stunned.

“F-fantasy?..” You double-checked yourself, but then saw a window with all the profiles, their statuses still the same, Lilia being the last completed one. “But Idia’s route?..”

“And you asked me to watch my tongue,” Grim frowned. “That little shit you call our boss didn’t even leave us the way to contact him during walkthroughs!!! And what if something like that happens?!”

“It’s not about him, Grim,” you tried to recover, standing up and noticing little glitches flashing everywhere in the room. “Let’s try figuring out what we should do now.”

“Find that Idia guy and finish his route, what else, fugnya.”

You lowered your gaze.

Wasn’t it an opportunity given to you as a gift? If the genre switched from otome to fantasy, then there was no obligation to complete Idia’s route. No need to let him—and you—suffer, wasn’t it the only right thing to do?

You took a deep breath. You knew it wasn’t. Idia’s route was still marked as ‘IN PROGRESS’, meaning you still had to fulfill your duties, but also…

Wasn’t it a loophole?

“I know what you’re thinking,” Grim touched your hand with his paw. “I know you’re freaking tired of this shit, me too, but Yuu—”

“No, Grim,” you laughed at yourself, tears appearing in the corners of your eyes. “I can’t. I will not. Finish his route. Just… Let’s just enjoy the fantasy story which is supposed to be completed even without us interfering.”

Grim wasn’t sure. You yourself thought it was stupid, irresponsible, your boss will probably just drag you out of here so to reprimand—you didn’t care at all.

You wanted to avoid Idia Shroud at all costs.

Giving you credit, you actually succeeded in your desire to avoid Idia. But trouble does not come alone, and instead of Idia, who, surprisingly, couldn’t be found anywhere at all, you managed to repeatedly stumble upon people from previous routes.

But what you feared the most was the system distortion, glitches and lags.

The endless flickering of digital fibers, appearing in a chaotic pattern, pierced people. The color correction of the world broke down, jumping from exaggerated, poisonously bright colors to black-and-white scraps of space. The voices sometimes went into ultrasonics, causing you and Grim to wince in dislike. System windows danced around in a digital frenzy.

It all resembled the digital apocalypse. But even with those little ‘errors’ you could still interact with others.

But not with those who were the dearest to you.

“Y̸̘̒ũ̸ͅȗ̴͜-̷̹̎s̴͍͂ä̵̖́n̸̻̄.̵̨̚”

You turned to meet Jade’s usual polite smile, a hand on his chest.

“Jade?..” You were hesitant to speak with him at first, but a sudden mechanical corrupted voice managed to scare you. “Hello?..”

He tried saying something, but he did not move at all, not the slightest sigh, not a quivering gleam in his beautiful eyes—absolutely nothing. He was frozen.

You wanted to hurry and get someone’s help, but just when you ran away and turned for a moment to make sure he was still standing still—he wasn’t… He moved, returning to his usual routine, and turned to the suddenly approaching Riddle.

Something wasn’t right.

You were convinced of this when you stepped on Leona's tail in the botanical garden, completely forgetting about this event. His reaction was exactly the same—he was like a stone frozen in time, and, unlike Jade, not telling you anything, but the system windows were frantically jumping around his silhouette.

Kalim froze with a smile you grew to love on his face, and Azul, when he met you, apparently was going to kiss your wrist, but they all froze like broken dolls at the behest of the puppeteer.

And Lilia was nowhere to be seen at all.

“I don’t understand…”

You lamented, looking at the huge glitch, reminding you of black hole which was absorbing system tabs into itself, and you were sitting near it, outstretching your hand and feeling nothing at all.

You were immune to the system’s influence, how very ironical and—

“U-ugh…”

You turned to the voice’s source and gasped when a sudden flash of bright blue flickered before your eyes for a moment, then disappeared.

“Huh, I think I saw someone just now…”

You stood up from the grass field you were sitting on, and came closer to the tree in the school yard, hearing a ‘Eek!!!’ full of fear, and blinked twice.

“E-excuse me!!”

“Oh?..”

You saw a very tall figure hiding from you behind the tree and trying to cover his face with the hood of his hoodie.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “I’m Yuu. Sorry for scaring you.”

“I-if you’re sorry, then just go!!..”

Blue flames billowed from under his hood in waves, and you were surprised at how sweet the man's voice was.

“W-what are you looking at?!”

“Your hair,” you said, spellbound. “It’s very beautiful.”

“U-ugh…”

The person took his hood off, and you parted your lips in surprise.

You stared amazed at the gold of his eyes, not understanding what you were so hooked on in him, but the non-standard of his beauty completely left you speechless, and a slight glimmer of blush was born on your cheeks.

“Ah!” You exclaimed, turning away. “I’m being so rude… It’s just you’re really good-looking.. Ugh, sorry.”

“S-stop it, I’m begging. I’m not, o-okay? Now go.”

“Okay, but… What is your name?”

“You don’t need to know it…”

You looked at him, pouting and lowering your gaze, when a pink hue on the tips of his hair went unnoticed by you.

“Alright… I’ll get going then. See you later?”

“Maybe never.”

The rudeness he demonstrated somehow didn’t sound so bitter, and you smiled at him, then walked away.

“Please never interact with me…” He muttered to himself, approaching the huge glitch. “I don’t want to be the next.”

After two weeks of such randomly non-random meetings, Idia realized that, apparently, according to the law of the protagonists of otome games, there was nowhere to escape from you.

Of course, he could not really understand why the hell everything around was suddenly covered with digital holes and errors, but obviously it was related to you.

He wanted to study them himself, but the cameras he set up around the college sometimes didn't capture the biggest system bugs, not to mention they constantly popped up wherever you were for a while. Apparently others couldn’t see the world glitching, and you yourself possessed no knowledge about those errors, so he just had to go out of his room.

Even though he managed not to reveal his name for a long time—he was extremely apprehensive that you would recognize him as your last remaining love interest and start going through his route—yet you were in no particular hurry to look for him.

Didn’t you… need to finish his route and come back home? Why were you blankly staring at all those errors and glitches and doing nothing?

Not to mention that you sincerely tried to get to know him personally, never once again asking his name.

You confronted him every time he needed to investigate another huge system error that had arisen, and you simply nodded silently, smiling. The first week really passed peacefully and calmly, until something unimaginable for his consciousness happened at the beginning of the second.

“Meow-meow~”

M-meow?..

Idia was walking to the place where another hole with errors appeared, and heard your voice—it was unmistakable yours. W-what in the world were you doing?..

What he saw shocked him.

You were stroking the ear of a kitten that laid in front of you and purred, playing with it and smiling radiantly.

“Y-Yuu-shi…”

“Oh? Ah, fiery-senpai.”

“T-that stupid name again… What are you d-doing?”

You smiled at him, taking the kitten in your hands and drawing him closer to his face, placing one little smooth on his nose.

“Isn’t it cute?”

Headshot!! Huge damage taken!! Apply a HP restoring potion!!

“C-cute…” He mumbled, his hair glowing bright red. “Y-yuu-shi is… UGHM.”

“Come here.”

You took his hand in yours and made him sit beside you. Just what the audacity you had!..

The cat started purring with more intensity when Idia touched it, and you giggled at how cute the scene looming before you was.

You didn’t want to escape this reality, even with an insane amount of bugs and errors corrupting the dimension.

For a month Idia was meeting you, approaching you more and more against (in fact, not really resisting) his will. You seemed like an absolutely normal person, and it was frightening. Shouldn't the universe travelers be... different? Non-standard, possess some kind of superpowers, or easily repair these interdimensional holes? You seemed to be the most ordinary person with completely natural human emotions. Your actions were dictated by curiosity, kindness and care. You brought Idia food more than once, showed photos of kittens, respected his personal boundaries and always left without asking what he was going to do alone.

It was unbearably hard. Feelings flourished in his chest, and every day, returning to his room, Idia flopped on the bed, clutching his jacket in his fist, and repeated how crazy he was.

Feelings ate him from the inside. How the hell was that shameless and stupid!! Wasn't love in otome built on the fact that the characters went through a string of dramatic events, experienced incredible adventures, scandals, breakups and emotional declines, and then tragically confessed their love to each other?

How the hell could he screw up his one and only task — not to fall in love with you at all costs, and eventually fail miserably, and even under such idiotic circumstances?!

How could he let you take his feelings and... understand them?

“I’m pathetic,” he laughed to himself, studying the data he obtained. “But Yuu won’t know…”

He will not allow that. Maybe.

You held Grim closer to you, exhaling fresh air while sitting on the bench—which was unusual for you, who could be easily spotted on the grass or windowsill—and took a sip of a cup of hot chocolate. It was already February declaring its rights, and deepened in your thoughts.

The world was half destroyed. Multi-colored digital errors were no longer just popping up alternately anywhere, but were actively integrated into the structure, into the very subcortex of the world. The forest near the school was replaced by a digitized version, black holes in space that no one saw except you replaced entire rooms and even buildings.

To be honest, it just looked disgusting.

Previous emotional draining routes were completed, and now, when you yourself wanted to avoid Idia Shroud’s one at all cost, because you were simply scared, Idia decided to become quieter than water and lower than grass.

The information you’ve acquired was rather dull and sullen — Idia was known for being a complete shut-in, an introverted person who usually never comes out of his room. Impudently pouncing into his personal space, Ignihyde dormitory, seemed somewhat violent to you, especially taking into account that you needed to receive his love.

You wanted to respect his privacy, but also wanted to know what kind of person he is.

And just when you wanted to think about avoiding asking anyone from your previous walkthroughs, Lilia appeared before you, floating midair and smiling rather cheekily, causing you to almost spit your drink.

But more importantly, he seemed extremely alive, unlike others.

“Ugh, uh…” You coughed. “Li… Vanrouge.”

“Hm? What’s with the sudden coldness?”

“Sudden?..” You echoed, furrowing your brows. “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just we haven’t talked much before…”

Lilia took your hand, the one that was holding Grim, who expressed an annoyed sound and stared at Vanrouge, and placed a smooch on the finger you’ve pricked in his route.

“Is that how you greet me after having all that life and death type of conversation?”

You jolted, abruptly standing up and almost dropping Grim from your lap, to which Lilia only laughed.

“You remember?!” You screamed, noticing you drew too much attention, and lowered your voice. “But how?”

“Remember I told you I’ll never forget? This is why.”

“N-no, wait… I mean, others have only tiny glimpses of memories about me, but they don’t have entire routes stored in their minds!! Not to mention they’re… Ugh.”

“Calm down, Yuu. To be honest, I’m not sure how it works, either. Tell me more about your case, we’ll figure something out. Maybe you haven’t finished my, hmmm, route, you said?”

You summoned the system tab that got almost sunk into the black hole, which Lilia couldn’t see, and checked twice and even thrice — ‘COMPLETED’ were written in caps.

“I have,” you said.

“That Idia guy’s profile also opened,” Grim mentioned.

“Idia?” Lilia repeated. “He’s your next target?”

“Target… Yes, you can say so… Do you know anything about him?”

“Quite a lot of information I normally wouldn’t share, but in your case…” Lilia frowned. “But Yuu, will you go home after finishing?”

“I… Don’t have home,” you explained. “I’ll return back to the office where I’ll be appointed to another story. But before that I’ll ask why in the world did I land here, Twisted Wonderland is not our main genre.”

“Where were you before?”

“Better not ask,” Grim advised, to which you nodded. “Nothing good.”

“Makes me want to ask more!” Lilia giggled. “But alright. Even though I don’t really want to let you go, considering I’m extremely worried about your safety… I believe you should go and ask what caused the error. As for Idia Shroud…”

You and Grim saw system tabs randomly popping up and glitching, to which Lilia tilted his head, but you shook yours, gesturing to him to continue speaking.

“He’s a nice kid, actually. A twisted one, as we all here are, but I sense no ill feelings radiating from him. He has a rather complicated personality, so I suggest you be patient.”

“Twisted, hm,” you nodded, trying to ignore glitch intensification.

“His family works under an organization dealing with phantoms and blot research. So make sure to—”

“Good morning, Lilia Vanrouge-san, Yuu-san, Grim-san!”

A robotic cheerful voice greeted you, and you stared at the appeared humanoid with… was that fire on his head?.. Wait a second.

“Oho~” Lilia smirked. “Morning, little Shroud.”

Little Shroud?.. Did Idia have a brother?

“Good morning,” you greeted him. “And you’re?”

“Ortho Shroud!” A child humanoid introduced himself. “Nice to meet you, Yuu-san!”

“How can we be of help?” Lilia asked.

“I’m sorry for interrupting, but I need to talk to Yuu-san and Grim-san directly.”

“Oh, then you should know that I’m not leaving Yuu’s side. So if you want to talk, please don’t mind me, but I won’t leave~”

“I’m afraid I can allow that,” Ortho replied cheerfully.

You tried standing up, but staggered and changed glances with Grim, who also felt dizzy and out of place for a moment, before Ortho pulled up a tablet, which suddenly started floating on itself.

“U-uhm…” A voice was heard, coming from the tablet. “E-excuse me, Lilia-shi… B-but I need to t-talk to them… alone.”

And with that you and Grim suddenly fainted, surrounded by light sparkles and glitches flooding the space, not noticing Ortho catching you and Lilia’s furious stare.

You tried opening your eyes, and managed to do that after a minute of trying, glitches still sparkling everywhere, but not as bright as it was before.

You found yourself on a bed in an unknown place dominated by bright blue hues, you could hear the tapping of fingers on the keyboard, the faint noise of processors, and you were no longer sure if the space distortion was due to the system, or it was local computers.

“Uh…” You mumbled, trying to sit on your bed, and observed the place, noticing a figure of someone tapping on the keyboard.

You looked closely, recognizing familiar fire-like bright blue hair and gray clothes the person was wearing.

“Excuse me,” you said, drawing the person's attention and making the figure startle in shock, turning to you at once. “Huh?”

“Y-Y-Yuu-shi!!”

“F-fiery-senpai.”

He pulled up the collar of the turtleneck that was sticking out from under the gray robes and covered his mouth, looking away from you.

“Um… I’m Idia Shroud.”

You smiled weakly to yourself, actually suspecting it before, but knowing that the person you grew to love like happened to be Idia was excruciatingly painful.

It was continuous, endless torment.

Grim told you every day that you, dear little Yuu, are just a fool with a glitch in your head, since you fell in love with that ‘fiery-senpai’ so irrevocably for being just a person. The world was falling apart, and you refused to end the game, running away from solving the problem like a small child, and you understood this very well, continuing to run in circles.

“Ah!!” You exclaimed, standing up and approaching him, making Idia squeak and almost run away from you. “Oh, I’m sorry for startling you. It’s just… Actually, wait, where am I? Where’s Grim?”

“Grim-shi is sleeping in the room next door, m-my little brother Ortho assisting him. D-don’t worry…”

“That’s good…” You smiled to yourself, feeling a little relieved your partner was okay. “But still, where are we?”

“Did they just need to leave that to me RIGHT WHEN I’m in the middle of my research, ugh…” He muttered to himself, then cleared his throat. “You’re at STYX. You p-probably don’t know what it is, since you’re… Nevermind. D-dont worry, we need to run a few tests and will return you back to the NRC.”

“Sounds not like something I shouldn’t be worried about, to be honest,” you chuckled. “What kind of tests? And why me? Lilia said you study, ergh… blot here. I don’t know what that is.”

“Tch, why me…” He mumbled to himself again. “Y-yeah, Lilia-shi surely mentioned something he shouldn’t have, b-but you have no relation to blot. At least physically..”

“Look,”

You came closer to him, quickly glancing over his features and suddenly getting flustered. Despite his gloomy look and huge eye bags, he appeared to be quite cute and good-looking. You never thought your last ‘love interest’ would look like that, not to mention him having such a shy personality.

And now, knowing that the fiery-senpai you grew to like was Idia all that time, didn’t make it easier.

Everything will end once you win his heart.

And it was breaking yours.

You dramatically imitated fainting, causing Idia to jolt, and exclaimed.

“You suddenly faint,” you said, then came over to the bed you were laying on, and sat on it. “Then you wake up in an unfamiliar place…”

You came closer to him, not daring to touch him, and ended up just staring right in his golden eyes.

“... And found yourself alone in a room with a complete stranger.” You said, averting your gaze. “Quite handsome, though.”

Idia in front of you bit his lip, trying his best to ignore your compliment.

“What would my reaction be?”

“C-confusion?..”

“Right, that,” you confirmed. “So please be so kind as to explain what is happening and how I can be of help.”

“Alright…” He sighed heavily. “Follow me.”

You nodded, following his tall figure and enjoying how the fire of which his hair consisted was shimmering, however noticing one little but important detail.

There was no heart icon.

To be completely honest, you really were charming.

Idia was amazed at how easy it was to have a conversation with you and how charmingly your lips curved into a soft smile. He hated every second of the new day, realizing that the research is being delayed, and he has to run an infinite number of tests.

He could not clearly distinguish between your natural coquetry and acting (of the justice of which he was no longer so sure). You yourself were a very gentle and understanding person, calmly accepting the peculiarities of his personality, but still, despite all the promises that you made to others in their routes (at least those that he managed to hear), you seemed to still hold back myself.

Wouldn't you like to return to where you came from as soon as possible? Why did your face tremble in unbearable sadness every time he happily announced that there were not many tests left and that you would be released soon? Of course, you had to charm him, grab him right by the heart and make him yours, but why did your voice become so desperately dreary every time he closed the door to your room, and you wished him peaceful dreams and asked him not to work late?

The tests, in fact, at first were simple questionnaires, from which it was impossible to extract anything intelligible. Therefore, subsequently, Idia had to move on to more difficult tests for you, which turned out to be simulations of reality.

The distorted images of all those whose routes you have already completed, have told you terrible things, betrayed you and hoped to break you. Usually it was possible to check the accumulation of blot and magical energy this way, but since you did not possess it, it was checked how negative emotions affected you.

And you... seemed to remain unshakable and believed them to the end, forcing the images of people dear to you to be erased automatically.

Idia wasn't really interested in your involvement in the blot in the first place—it was just a cover. He was personally interested in knowing your essence in more detail, who, or maybe what you really were.

And why did you cling so desperately to those whose routes were already completed.

“Yuu!!”

“Don’t come any closer!”

You heard Grim burst into your room, ignoring his attempts to stop you, but the erratic system bugs were doing their own dance, preventing Grim from getting close to you.

“The fuck you’re doing?!”

You chuckled, tapping on the keyboard, and turned to him for a mere second.

“Trying to let our dear beloved system know that I won’t finish Idia’s route.”

“Yuu, get yourself together!! Ain’t no way you can just casually crack the system we’ve been workin’ with for who knows how many years so far!!”

“AND DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?!”

“Yuu!”

You tried to make changes to the system code of this world, sweat streamed down your neck, electricity flashed bright flashes here and there, almost setting Grim's tail on fire, and as soon as you got to the very core, swallowing tears and ignoring Grim's screams, in the system something exploded, pushing you away from the interface and spawning digital corruption.

“Yuu!..”

You. Failed.

Today Idia planned to show you the Underworld to see what would happen. Apparently you had a save option, so he was about to make a hint for you, so you would save the game progress and reload in case something happens.

“I-It’s me, Idia…”

He knocked on the door, but no answer was heard. Normally you would reply with a cheerful ‘Come in!', but today you remained silent, making him slightly worried.

He opened the door nevertheless and found you, wrapped in blankets and sniffing.

“Yuu-shi?” He asked, coming closer to you but not too close, and saw you slowly turning to him. “O-oi, are you okay?”

“Ugh… who…”

You looked at him from under your brows, your eyelids were as if poured with lead, and your cheeks burned like a red-hot swing. Idia carefully bent over you, not daring to stretch out his hand for a long time, but your hoarse breathing forced him to press his hand to your forehead and gasp.

“You’re burning, Yuu-shi!”

“Idia?..”

“Y-yes, are you okay— Huh?!”

You weakly tugged at his sleeve, but from the unstable position and the effect of surprise, he fell on you.

This is the most classic otome scene ever, damn it!!

But, unlike the typical plot of an otome game, the scene wasn't particularly romantic. The promised butterflies didn’t hover in his stomach, and you looked really sick. You covered your mouth with a blanket and opened your eyes, trying to peer into the gold of the eyes in front of you with a cloudy gaze, forcing Idia to fluster.

“Your hair…” You muttered. “Warm.”

“O-of course it’s warm… Yuu-shi?!”

You smoothed a strand of his fiery hair and smiled weakly, clinging to the desired warmth and not noticing how the tips of his hair turned pink.

Shit, it was, like, REALLY bad. Did you just have to be so cute and vulnerable right when he wanted to ignore the feelings blossoming in his chest?! Argh, you really!!

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, taking his hand he offered to hold onto, not even realizing it himself, and tried standing up. “We’ve got important work to do today… Let’s go.”

“But you don’t look well, Yuu-shi…”

“It’s nothing,” you smiled, standing up and releasing his hand, already missing the warmth. “I know it's partly your idea, but you're still following someone's orders, right?”

“Uh,” he averted his gaze. “W-well, yes…”

“He-he,” you smiled, embracing yourself and feeling a little cold. “I know the feeling when no one asks you what you want to do. So let’s finish early, and I won’t disturb you anymore.”

You left the room, turning around for a second and meeting his stunned gaze.

You really DID care about him.

He chuckled at the last thing you’ve said, knowing that you needed him to escape this place, both STYX and Twisted Wonderland, but found it funny how you tried to cover it. Even if you didn’t look like you were lying in the first place.

The path to the underworld was unbearably long, and your body apparently refused to listen to you, the limbs seemed to take on a life of their own, and Idia saw a sharp flicker of the system windows around you, intensifying as you descended lower and lower.

“What do I need to do when we get there?” You asked, grabbing his hand, because you couldn’t even walk properly.

“Yuu-shi… E-excuse me.”

He put your hand on his shoulder, helping you move around, although you didn't walk long enough because you weren't very comfortable.

“I appreciate your concern,” you giggled and just took his hand in yours, interweaving fingers. “But that would be enough. Thank you, Idia.”

He felt stupid, feeling the unbearable heat of your body, and at the same time knowing that he contributed to your sudden illness, and he could not do anything about it.

He was an egoist to whom you showed nothing but kindness and understanding.

“Yuu-shi, uhm… Excuse me for a moment.”

System windows flickered and flew around you in a chaotic order, among which Idia somehow managed to grab the right one, and stood behind you, trying to hit the flickering button in time. He leaned closer to you, curls of his hair falling on your chest, and you blushed, turning your face to him.

“Idia?..”

“Argh, I’m s-sorry!! Please bear with me a little more…”

“Why bearing?” You leaned closer to him, feeling his heart stopping for a moment. “I enjoy spending time with you, really.”

“D-don’t say nonsense, Yuu-shi. Why would you love spending time with the one w-who, uhm, kidnapped you?”

“I might have questioned that, but… Maybe because your research can help me too. I think. And also…”

You looked at him, his hand frozen midair and his lips slightly parted.

Were you about to kiss him?

His heart skipped a beat when he realized that… No, it was SO irrational!! He was avoiding you (not really, actually) like a plague, he tried his best to not catch feelings for you! It would be a total game over if you would kiss him now, the system will admit he has fallen in love, and you will just leave, but!..

But you shook your head, smiling at him bitterly, and continued walking.

And what was the sudden sadness and void in his heart?

He managed to save the game for you and wondered if it was okay, given he was the one who did it, not you.

You finally reached the destination, and Idia felt a headache piercing his head, other people’s profiles popping up here and there randomly, and you frowned.

“Idia, wait,” you said, reaching out for one of the tabs and typing something there. “Shit, I have no currency left…”

“I can help.”

He still held your hand to prevent you from falling, seeing how hard you were shivering, and couldn’t dare to meet your shocked gaze.

“How in the world…”

“I don’t know either,” he mumbled. “It just… I know n-not only you’re not from this world, I know your purpose…”

“Did you avoid me on purpose because you knew?..”

“Y-yes,” he admitted and turned away. “But it’s not like you’ll love me for real.”

“You… Listen to me, Idia.”

You turned to him, ignoring the persistently jumping system windows and the gradually dissolving universe. The howl of phantoms from under your feet was terrifying and disturbing, but you clung to Idia, looking at him with tears in your eyes.

“This is undoubtedly the most freakingly insane route I’m trying to finish,” you confirmed. “But… Do I look like I want this to end? Like I want you to suffer when I’m gone?”

“Y-Yuu-shi…”

“I don’t want to go,” you admitted. “I don’t want to leave you! Not when I’m… developing feelings for you.”

“You…”

“The route is over once not only the person, but I also recognize and accept something for myself. And just so you know, you have no heart above you…”

“Yuu-shi, sorry for saying stupid things, but…” He inhaled sharply. “My heart is not above my head, but in my chest. Yours too.”

You giggled.

“Ha-ha… It is quite endearing, I must s… say.”

“Yuu-shi?”

“I’m okay,” you said. “It’s just… What are those howls?”

“... It’s phantoms. The ones my family and I study,” he answered. “They’re… not people anymore.”

“Not… anymore. Idia!!”

“W-what?!”

You sank to your knees, touching the cold surface of the gates to the underworld, and gasped, paralyzed.

It was just the same when you yourself first died.

“Yuu-shi, don’t come any closer!!”

“Idia,” you turned to him. “Do you… work here often? Do you interact with those phantoms often?”

“I do,” he answered. “Why?..”

“Ha-ha… I think… I just realized the real reason why you can see the system too.”

“WHAT?!”

“You know… I once was a normal person, just like you are. A part of a story, though I don’t even remember the genre it had. More likely a slice of life? I died young, rescuing a kitten. You can already assume that it was Grim… And you’re right. And somehow we both ended up being recruited for the Isekai Association program.”

“So not… everyone could enter?”

“As he explained, only those who possess certain qualities and personality traits can be hired. And as for you, I think because you’re close to death, you manage to see everything happening..”

“He?..”

You frowned.

“Is there a way to open the gates?”

“Don’t even think about it. I’m being serious, Yuu-shi.”

“So there is, and apparently you know it,” you smiled at him with a craziness he despised.

How could you even think about something so dangerous as…

“Well then, open it. Right. Now. I’m being serious just as you are.”

“I won’t.”

“I will put it to an end. You also don’t want your world to suffer because of me, right?! You see those glitches, the system almost absorbed everything!! How could you—”

“How could you just think only of yourself!”

You bit your lip, looking straight at him, his hair iridescent from blue to enraged orange, almost crimson.

“Listen, I’m being only logical!! Here, I hear death itself. Are you worried about me? I really appreciate it, but oh please, I won’t die that easily. In fact, all that I need to do is to jump right there as many times as I can, maybe that he will finally bring me to the office and at least interrogate…”

“He again.. No, Yuu, I WON’T let you.”

“Ha,” you laughed bitterly, drawing him to yourself and pressing your forehead to his, closing your eyes and summoning the system tabs.

Your forehead burned with heat, your breath hitched so hard that Idia himself heard it trembling, and watched in a daze as his memory was converted into system windows. He wanted to break out of your strong grip, but you already found the right scoreboard and smiled sadly, biting your lip.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, closing your eyes. “I didn’t want to manipulate you like that… Now, say it, Idia Shroud.”

His body moved against his will, his lips trembled, and as if not in his voice, a desperate ‘Gate to The Underworld’ broke from them.

The heavy massive gates opened, and Idia, having regained control over his movements, numbly turned away from you, but did not calculate that one inaccurate movement, and he felt the cold of the grave with his back.

“IDIA!!”

Dark hands, greedily clinging to his limbs, mercilessly pulled him into the abyss. Without hesitation, you rushed after him, your heart was pounding wildly in your chest, trying to escape, and the tears instantly dried up on your cheeks from the cold, leaving icy paths on them.

“Yuu!!”

Grim voice was heard, and the second after you felt him grabbing on your sleeve.

“Grim, no, get out of here, I’ll end this alone!!”

“You stupid little shit,” Grim cursed. “We’re partners!!”

“But Grim! Let me go! I must rescue him!!!”

“Ain’t no way you’re excluding me, you idiot! What are you going to do anyway?! He’s dying!”

You refused to let go of Idia’s hand you managed to grab, and saw him opening his eye for a mere moment before closing it, losing consciousness.

“Do you believe me, Grim?”

“Of course I do, you foolish henchman!”

“Then let me go, okay? Believe me, I’m not letting die nor you or Idia.”

Grim hesitated for a moment before nodding to you.

“‘Kay… And Yuu.”

“Yes?”

“Be careful just in case, ok? I mean, you’ll always be my most loyal henchman in every dimension existing, but now you look more ergh, soft or something? I mean, humans before you usually couldn’t stand a second in horrors and… Shit.”

“You don’t want to lose me,” you concluded, drawing Grim closer to you and enveloping him in a hug.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” he sighed. “Might get used to that soft side of yours.”

“Is it bad?”

“Nah,” he hugged your arm in response. “But it could have been better if you gave me more tuna cans daily.”

“Shut up.”

He let go of you, and you summoned the system tab, not really seeing anything in this mess, but bit your lip and typed the code, clicking ‘ENTER’ and shouting out.

“Judge Flamm!!”

Suddenly, the whole space seemed to flow into an absolutely intangible shell, the digital pieces of the universe peeled off, and you found yourself in a familiar office, which was a small room with a cozy fireplace against the wall.

“Yuu.”

An insanely beautiful person with dim green eyes looked at you with a strictness you never knew he could possess before, and offered you a cup of tea, which you declined.

“I thought I made it clear you’re not allowed to use that code.”

“It was an emergency, Judge Flamm.”

“I don’t see anything urgent.”

“Ha!” You stood up, spilling the tea and ignoring Flamm’s intense gaze fixed on you. “First transferring me and Grim to an otome game, then letting my last love interest die! Nothing urgent, really?”

You grabbed him by the collar, pulling him towards you, meeting the inexplicable emotion in his eyes, and grinned.

“You… Judge Flamm, before I actually blew the hell out of here, bring him back to life!!”

“Yuu, you’re saying nonsensical things.”

“Hell with you then…”

“You know there’s always a price to pay for all of your desires.”

“Want to see a hellfire so much?” You smirked. “I’ll show you that. You… Did I ever ask for life like that?! Wandering around like a ghost!”

“But you didn’t die. You did it only once, and now…”

“WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!”

“BECAUSE I—” He closed his eyes. “Forget it. I can’t let you work in this state. This world is broken anyway.”

“Ha, so you first bring me there against my will, not introducing me to the details, then I start developing emotions and feelings I never knew I needed, and now? Now you’re telling me I can’t keep working like that? Don’t try to fool me, Judge Flamm! Just name your price.”

“That merman surely taught you— Ha-ha. Great then. Hear the price.”

He grabbed your chin, drawing your face closer to his, and smirked.

“Your own life. And not just one, but all the lives you have. All the countless lives for all of the stories you needed to fix, and you;ll be stuck in that Twisted Wonderland world forever!!”

You narrowed your eyes and burst into laughter.

“Great! Take it all. I don’t care.”

“Yuu…”

“Take it,” you repeated. “Take it, Judge… No. Take it, Rollo.”

He hissed, escaping from your grasp and approaching the fireplace, pulling out a blue flower burning in the fire.

“You’ll regret your decision.”

“Oh believe me I won’t,” you said. “I will enjoy my one and only life I will have from now on. Finally.”

Rollo, casting a heavy and ambiguous look at you, breathed life into a flower burning with a blue flame, and put it in your hand, looking away and biting his lip. A spectacle that you never expected to see even in your wildest dreams unfolded in front of you, and Flamm, forcing out a weak awkward smile, pushed you into the digital abyss, whispering something in parting, but you could not make out what exactly.

“See you later, Yuu.”

He said, clutching a burning scarlet flower in his hand and falling after you.

“Yuu!!”

“Y-Yuu-shi!!”

You slowly opened your eyes, coughing up gunpowder from your throat, and looked at the two silhouettes looming over you with a hazy look. But you didn’t have time to orient yourself and come to your senses, when suddenly they swooped down on you with hugs and squeezed them tightly.

“You insane punk!!” Grim cried. “I’ll never ask for extra tuna cans if you’re going to throw yourself into the abyss once more! You stupid little—”

“G-grim-shi, let Yuu-shi rest a little and—”

“Idia… You’re alive…”

“T-thanks to you and—”

Tears welled up in your eyes, but you leaned towards Idia and clung to him in a soft kiss, ignoring Grim's dissatisfied sighs from the side and the uncertain sounds that Idia made. Laughing through kiss, you clung to Idia even stronger, and he, not sharing your fun, grew bolder, picking up your lips.

“Y-Yuu-shi,” he whispered when parted. “What did you do?..”

“Uhm,” you giggled nervously. “Exchanged my countless lives on your but only one?”

“YOU WHAT?!”

“Ah, Grim!!” You lamented. “I forgot to ask for your opinion… But I kinda think… Judge Flamm let us live only this one remaining life…”

“Do I look like I care?!” He punched you slightly. “I’m more impressed that you’ve managed to convince HIM out of all bosses! He’s an insane one!”

“Why do I think there's so much to be told?” Idia mumbled.

“Don’t worry,” you smiled. “Let’s get back to NRC and I’ll explain everything to you and then to others. They certainly deserve an explanation…”

“But explain everything to me first in all details,” he said, standing up and helping you out. “I’m your t-true route, after all.”

You smiled at him, taking his hand in yours and letting Grim rest on your shoulders.

“You are!”

A sudden piercing feeling pricked your chest, as if crimson fire spreading within, but it soon disappeared, erasing all your worries.

Maybe you were an otome expert all this time, after all?

— tag-list : @coffee-or-hot-cocoa @red-viewe @68thsposts @cerisescherries

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #jade x reader #leona x reader #kalim x reader #azul x reader #lilia x reader #idia x reader

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whateverisbeautiful · 3 months

Text

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#24: Family Fun Days (S9E03 & S4E15)

Grimes Family 2.0 has my heart eternally. 🥹 They are the best family to ever grace an apocalypse. And what’s so sweet is during their Family Fun Day in s9 and s4, it truly didn’t even feel like an apocalypse - that’s how much love and joy Rick and Michonne were admirably able to place in their and their kids’ lives. And while the fallen world turned Rick and Michonne into walker-slaying warriors, who they really are to their core are parents. (ours and their kids 😋) So the final Family Fun Day and the first unofficial Family Fun Day are a tie on this list for allowing Richonne to show why they're the greatest parents around...

Starting with the s9 Family Fun Day, one of my favorite parts is when Rick, Michonne, and Judith are walking hand in hand in ASZ. It’s so idyllic and so the type of rewarding happy life these three deserve.

I think back to s5 when Rick and Michonne were outside the gates of ASZ with Carl and baby Judith in the backseat of their car. I love that the leap of faith they took together in coming to this place has now turned into a stable home where they can fully enjoy being family.

I feel like words can’t fully even capture how much I love all this. Their smiles. Michonne cheering Rick on by saying, "come on, daddy." Judith skipping. Rick's countdown. And the way they lift her up and cheer Judith on. Somehow, I never noticed it until this rewatch, but after they lift Judith up, Rick and Michonne say “wow” at the exact same time. Always in sync those two. 🥰

And Rick and Michonne getting to just be parents is the best and so meaningful. After the devastating loss of children, the way Rick and Michonne have risen from those depths of despair and given Judith a beautiful cheerful life is so commendable. And, truly, it speaks to the strength of Rick and Michonne's impact on each other's lives that they can be this healed and happy now.

I’m choked up from just this initial moment and it only gets cuter with each of their activities. It’s clear that this is Judith’s favorite way to spend the day, but make no mistake, this is Rick and Michonne’s favorite way to spend the day too. And I love that Family Fun Days are something they seem to do often and look forward to. (also it's sweet that, throughout the series, we got several indicators that little Judith is a mama's girl 😊)

It was such a joy to see this side of Rick and Michonne, especially knowing we’d only have 2 more eps before Rick’s departure. I love that we got to see Rick just have so much fun as the best girl dad. He deserved to have so many more days like this with his baby girl. 🥲

Also, what I would give to have seen a family fun day that included Rick, Michonne, RJ, Judith, and Carl all together. 😭

The good thing is Rick and Michonne are going to do everything in their power to get home to Judith and RJ, and I have hope TWD's best parents will be able to have plenty more days like this to enjoy with their children whenever the four reunite.

(Side note: Since we're talking Grimes family in this post, can I just say I never understand the complaints about our sweet prince RJ being a regular kid doing regular kid stuff - like ??? To me, it's actually the biggest flex that Rick and Michonne's baby is living a normal life. A whole dang apocalypse hit the earth, and your kid is able to just read comics and ride bikes because, even in the most dangerous possible world, you managed to create some normal (as normal as it can be in that world) stability for your children - What a win. And rather than find him "boring" as a kid under age 10 just living life, I find it heartwarming that RJ Grimes got to be so normal. The mostly peaceful and regular way RJ is living is the very thing Michonne and Rick wanted and fought for. It's the very thing RJ's big brother Carl fought for too. How wonderful that they got what they wanted 🥰👌🏽)

And then the montage includes my absolute favorite visual with the three of them on a picnic blanket all relaxed, with a brief glimpse of Rick handing Michonne a pink flower as Judith seems to notice the way her dad loves her mom. Even in just a .5-second clip of Rick wanting to give Michonne that flower we see yet another example of how Rick so naturally shows love to his wife. 🥰

I love that in s9 especially, Rick was like if y’all don’t know nothing else about me, you’re going to know that I’m head over heels in love with Michonne. And he’s just so good at courting her even in their married era, and I adore how he’s always thinking of how to gift her.

Y’all, everything in this moment (& the deleted picnic scene where Rick expresses wanting more years like this with his wife and kids) gives me so much happiness and peace. Again, it’s so idyllic and tranquil and pretty. I wanted them to live in this moment forever.

The picnic shot is just beauty and I will always cherish it. It makes me think about Carl’s vision in s8, of their family playing hooky. I know Carl would be so proud to see the three of them essentially doing exactly that on this beautiful family fun day. Like this whole montage is truly what Carl wanted most for the three of them. 🥹

To this day, when I see Scott running over while the three are reading, I’m like damn it. 😫 Richonne deserved to have a day to be all about their family and nothing else and Rick and Michonne look like they really do agree with me in the way they both communicate with a wordless look lol.

They don’t want this family time to end, but they know the world is ready to start screaming again. I do like how Rick sees Scott coming but keeps reading tho. Like ‘maybe if we keep reading he’ll just jog past us.’ 😂

Seeing Rick kiss Judith before joining Michonne and Scott is so sweet and so sad because it’s his final interaction with his daughter before he’s taken away for years. 😭

Rick and Michonne again wordlessly communicate upon learning about that murdered savior, and you can tell they’re both disappointed. And I'm disappointed that Family Fun Day was cut short too, but I also was like, I should've known...

But I adore that this scene, which ends up being Rick and Michonne's last time side by side in the present, does not end on disappointment.

Rick is quiet and looking at Michonne, and then he looks away frustrated and stressed, especially because this new development could jeopardize the unity and safety he and Michonne so badly want to build for their people.

It’s so clear how Michonne feels for him, knowing how much they both wanted to have this day to just be. And then the shot focuses on their hands with Rick’s fist clenched to further illustrate his frustration.

But Michonne always knows how to offer Rick the exact right uplifting encouragement and so I love that she then takes his hand. The choreo of it is so good with her slowly sliding her hand into his. It’s symbolic for Michonne to be the one who could most help Rick release his fist, thus release the frustration, and hold onto what matters most.

And, of course, Rick is receptive and holds her hand. He can always receive the positivity Michonne instills in him. And so I love that Rick tightly holds her hand and allows that to be the note they can end on together.

Richonne handholds are always a thing of beauty so I love that their final moment like this ends on that emphasized visual. Even when things fall apart, they’re still in it together. They’re still held together by their love.

Y’all, how do even their hands tell a compelling story? I mean they always have. From exchanging bullets in Clear, to passing mints and holding hands in their canon ep, and this significant final present moment between them. It really does highlight the strength, love, and unity of Richonne's relationship.

It’s also sweet how Rick and Michonne's official romance began with a handhold, and their final moment ends with one too. And while their journey is about to devastatingly take them on separate paths for years, I really feel like this handhold right here actually never breaks.

In many ways, during their years apart, Rick and Michonne still embarked through life as though their true love was still with them, still holding their hand and supporting them because their love is neverending - as noted in both Rick and Michonne's sentiments during the TWD series finale.

(Side note: There’s this interesting contrast I think about - because with losing Lori, part of what made it so painful on Rick is knowing they never got official closure after they grew distant and their marriage fell apart. But then with “losing” Michonne after he was taken, part of what likely makes it so painful for Rick is that their marriage was in such a great spot. Rick and Michonne were so beyond close, happy together, and hopeful for their future just before Rick was taken away. And that’s a unique pain to just be abruptly plucked from the woman you were so longing to spend the rest of your life with. Where the Lori loss featured an element of mourning a clear closed door, the Michonne “loss” is an element of mourning all the doors he hoped he'd open with her. And I’m really curious to see how Rick has been dealing with that type of pain while away in TOWL)

This whole sequence of events in 9.03 is the definition of precious. And the song in the background pairs so nicely with this heavenly time. I love Grimes Family 2.0, and this was like a beautiful love letter to them.

It was a lovely reward for Rick and Michonne after all they've been through in this series. And I just appreciate how much joy was depicted in every moment Rick got with his girls in season 9. (their opening moment in the s9 premiere also gets an honorable mention cuz I absolutely adore it)

So I called this Family Fun Days plural because before Rick and Michonne so adorably had their day as mommy and daddy with Judith, they had another version of a family fun day out in the woods with Carl. And this moment, along with the s9 montage, are my all-time favorite Grimes Family 2.0 scenes.

This one in season 4 is so meaningful because during their s9 family fun day in ASZ they were enjoying merriment in the safety of their community - but here the golden trio of Rick, Michonne, and Carl are traveling while unsure of where they’ll get their next meal or where they’ll lay their head for the night…and yet they smile. 🥹 The levity found in this moment is so important and heartwarming to see.

I love that Michonne was so effortlessly able to be a best friend to Carl and helped him have fun even in an apocalypse. I adore the opening of the scene as Rick talks about resources running low and turns around to see Michonne and Carl adorably preoccupied with their train track competition.

Rick turning around to see Michonne and Carl reminded me of the s9 premiere when the first thing we see of Rick is him opening the doors to watch Michonne and Judith.

I know Michonne’s bond with Carl and Judith means the absolute world to Rick. And I can only imagine how moved Rick would (and will) be to see her bond with their adorable son RJ too. 😭

(Again, I'll never get over the fact that Michonne really carried Rick's child. How extremely beautiful. 🥹And soon Rick is going to finally know all about the son he made with the love of his life. Won't He Do It! 🥳)

I always appreciate that Rick walks over to Michonne and Carl, letting them have the moment a little longer, and the way Michonne playfully tries to win their competition. Carl sharing the Big Cat because "we always share" is also just so sweet.

And, of course, you know I love the way that man Rick is grinning while watching and appreciating this wholesome family moment. 🥰The way he keeps sneaking glances at Michonne as he smiles - I forever stand by the fact that Rick has fallen in love with Michonne by this point.💯

Even despite their circumstances, the three seemed so happy in this moment cuz they’re together the way it was meant to be. And I love that Michonne and Rick both valued giving Carl a good childhood against all odds.

In Carl’s devastating final episode "Honor" he tells Michonne "Don't carry this - not this part," and I always like to think that this moment on the tracks is one of the parts of their journey Carl hopes Michonne holds onto instead. Cuz it was such a beautiful happy moment that cemented the three as a family.

And, clearly, she and Rick did choose to carry the good parts with Carl and even pass it on to Judith as they and their daughter so presently enjoyed a day of fun and games seasons later, where for a few hours they didn't have to be community leaders or fierce fighters. Instead, Rick and Michonne just got to be what they so cherished being - mom and dad. Grimes family forever. 🤍

#richonne #top 30 #number 24 #rick x michonne #reveling in richonne #twd 9.03 #twd 4.15 #twd towl #the ones who live

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yuri-is-online · 1 month

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This might just me being tired and dumb, but I kind of get how Ace having a more supportive family would lead to isolation? Like. People who have no family to rely on form their own, and that kind of bond can be beat by very little else. There's not only possibly shared trauma, but there's probably also a shared understanding that "we all we got". It gives a weird sense of hope to see someone else in your situation, someone who relates to you even a little bit, and you want more anything in the world for them to make it out and thrive, and you can trust that they want the same for you.

So with Ace, who's trauma (that we know about) mainly comes from association and the iverblot fights, it's a bit harder to make that bond. He (assumably) got all the love and support that he was supposed to get from his family. And yeah! Sure! He can still seek it out elsewhere! But it's a thing he already has, he already has somewhere to go at the end if the day for comfort.

This is actually a theme that I'm gonna play with in my 80s fic, Deuce is lower middle class, while Yuu is just a slightly glorified version if homeless. Ace is squarely middle class, if not upper middle, he never has to really want for anything. Not like Deuce and certainly not like Yuu.

Learning how to pinch for pennies and find deals are things that makes Aces life more convenient, but it's something that Deuce and Yuu need. And that's where the divide is.

He wants to take care of his friends (he's still in denial) more than anything, but he also feels like there's this weird line he can't cross, with him on one side and Yuu and Deuce on the other. It honestly doesn't help that Yuu has a separate, small friend group outside of him and Deuce that are all in the same "Shit is completely fucked right now but by God are we gonna make it out" boat. A boat that Ace will probably never be in. Ace loves his family and is grateful, and knows exactly how much he lucked out. But he still wants to have that bond. That "the world feels like it's ending but atleast we'll be going down together" type of bond. Comforting Yuu while they cry about not having heating in the winter will never be the same as having to suffer alongside them and know they were in this together. Trying to find the cheapest possible version of a food products with Deuce and discovering knock off brands that Ace would never imagine existing (who the hell made knock off cheerios?) Will never be the same as actually having to rely on those knock off and part time sales, and feeling a sense pride that they were able to save enough money this month that they could actually buy something nice. Ace probably won't ever be on that side of the invisible line.

He'll bring them to his side though. Ace wants to take care of them more than anything. He wants them in his life more than anything. And he'll have them. No matter what he has to do to make that happen.

Sorry if I missread your post and just dropped a huge angst bomb in your inbox! I just have thoughts and there are a lot of AceYuu and ADeuce moments in chapter three and one or two of them digs into this a little.

You didn't misread my post at all I swear we are sharing custody of a braincell because this is just *chef's kiss* exactly what I was thinking.

Having that solid middle class stability and parent's who genuinely love you and each other is nothing to be ashamed of, not that I think Ace has enough humility for that, but it does mean that he has a gap in his understanding for Deuce and especially Yuu's situation. I keep thinking about how he ended up eating those tarts because he skipped a meal over worrying about Yuu and their circumstances, he cares. He is crass and rude with it but he cares! I love how you say he'll bring them to his side of the line, that's exactly how I see him thinking about it.

Ace's isolation (in my view) seems to come from how much more he values his friendship with Yuu and Deuce over literally anyone else in the school. He'd benefit from talking to Jack and Epel more, they also have solid home lives and Jack at least I think has financially stable parents, but those guys aren't his people. For better or worse, for sickness or health, Yuu and Deuce are who he is sticking it out with. He'll never say it in game, but he really does love you both, in what way is of course up to the interpretation of the player.

but you know which one we both prefer frfr

#<3 asks #talking w a friend #twisted wonderland #ace trappola #ace is such a HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i have so many thoughts #like he seems to really admire both his basketball club seniors (floyd and jamil)#but not trey #he prefers to look up to riddle #but also could you imagine ace trying to have a heart to heart about his feelings with floyd #i feel like it would be a disaster #but i also feel like floyd 100% knows about ace's feelings for deuce and yuu and thinks he has good advice for him #(he doesn't)

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i-write-sometimes-maybe · 11 months

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Come Back To Me- Emily Prentiss X FemReader!

Synopsis: Emily comes back from the dead, and your world just flipped upside down again. Or right side up?

Warnings: mentions of death and depression, angst but I make it better. lmk if I missed any.

Word Count: 3.7k

A/n: I decided to post my other OneShots here and hopefully open the floodgates to more requests, hope you enjoy! All likes, comments, and reblogs welcomed!

☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎

It was approaching another month. Another month that you desperately wished didn't arrive. One more month since your other half was taken, no ripped, from you.

Emily was your everything, the only light to be found amongst your plethora of darkness. Single-handedly, she swooped in and saved you, saving you from things that you didn't even know you needed to be saved from.

Alas, after every broken sob that came from you behind closed doors, you began to hide your heartbreak from the team. It was proven difficult, not just because they're a group of profilers but also because they're your family. The closest thing you have to one. Though, you started to become better at hiding your pain. Pushing through your heartache for the sake of your job and the others.

Even though you and Emily were together, you felt as if you had no right to mourn her more than the others. Thinking it'd be selfish of you to make the others see and deal with your pain on top of theirs. No, you'd bury it deep within you like you did everything else.

After all, the one person you could open up to was gone.

The days never got easier, but you didn't let on to it. You had finally gotten used to the fact that she was gone just enough for you to not break down at the mere thought of Emily, only while in front of anyone else of course.

The thought of another month arriving took hold of your thoughts, leaving a shell of you sitting at your desk in the bullpen.

You could hear the light conversations and shuffling of paperwork from your coworkers around you. Aside from Spencer, he was overanalyzing your daydreaming, a habit of his you've learned to ignore.

Suddenly, Hotch and JJ pulled the team into the round table room.

Confusion overtook everyone as there was no mention of a new case to be solved. A stoic Hotch stood in front of the tv with a worried-looking JJ standing beside him.

With one look, you knew that something was wrong and they were afraid of something. You were a profiler after all. But what they were afraid of, you had no idea. And that terrified you more.

You kept looking between the blonde and the brunette standing just off to the left of you, stealing a glance around the room to see everyone else as equally confused.

Derek was the first one to break the uncomfortable silence, "What's going on? Everything alright?"

Hotch lowered his head just slightly as he spoke next, "Seven months ago, I made a decision that affected this team. As you all know, Emily lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle. But the doctors were able to stabilize-"

Your stomach instantly churned and dropped, leaving you feeling as if you were to be sick. You heard the words Hotch was saying, but you couldn't process them.

A ringing began in your ears as you began to realize exactly what he was saying. Tears instantly violated your eyes, coming to the surface with the threat of falling.

You couldn't look away from Hotch, "No." A pathetic attempt of a whisper left your lips. Or at least you thought it did.

This can't be happening.

"She's alive?" Garcia spoke with disbelief.

"No." You whispered once more, a single tear escaping.

Spencer almost didn't want to believe it, "But, we buried her?"

"No." You spoke a little louder, you weren't sure what emotion you were feeling at this moment.

A movement at the doorway, the one you walked through just moments ago, grabbed everyone's attention. Looking up, you saw something, someone, you thought you'd never see again. If it weren't for the others around you, you would've sworn you were dreaming.

"No. No!" You stand from the table, the emotions and pain becoming too difficult to bare.

"Y/n-" Emily tried talking to you, to get you to hear her.

But you need to leave, you don't want to risk the team seeing you break down again. You disliked them witnessing the first time it occurred, the moment JJ and Hotch came around the corner in the hospital to tell everyone that 'she never made it off the table'. You always, and still do, thought that there were dozens of other ways she could've worded it, and she chose that.

"NO." You all but shouted.

You go to exit through the other door in the round room but Hotch attempted to stop you by standing in front of you, "No! Y-You, stay away from me!" You say as you push past him.

He lied to you. He lied to you about the most important person in your life. And that's enough for you to want to leave this place and never return.

You rushed down the stairs, quickly coming up to your desk. You opened the bottom drawer and swapped your gun and badge for your bag. You can feel the team watching you from the windows, but that's not enough to stop you, not even close.

You hear rushed movements, unsurprised that someone came after you. What you weren't expecting was the person that was behind you. Emily came up to you. Normally under any other circumstance, she would've been plenty to stop you in your trail, but not now.

And what did surprise you, was that she was standing in front of you. In the flesh. The Emily Prentiss that you buried just months ago, standing in front of you.

The tears are completely streaming down your face, "Y/n, please wait," Emily tried.

This was already too much to bare, but hearing her voice so close to you, that's an entirely new type of difficulty, "No! You should've known that I can't handle this," Your eyes scanned her in disbelief. "You, you- UGH!" You were frustrated with everything.

Frustrated with yourself due to being unable to express your thoughts in feelings in quite literally any way. Frustrated with Hotch and JJ for lying to you, frustrated with Emily for leaving you, frustrated with the team for you don't even know why at this point.

You just had misplaced emotions everywhere at this moment.

You tried walking away from her.

She came forward and tried to touch you, "Y/n please-"

Fear, maybe longing, flashed in your eyes as you flinched away from her touch, after all, you are looking at a ghost, "I said no. Just- you- no. No."

You pulled yourself away from her and walked out of the BAU, leaving not only Emily confused with your reaction but everyone else too.

~Time Skip~

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table, with you laying on the couch just watching as it moves ever so slightly with each buzz.

You had quickly become annoyed with the sound of your ringer, so you shut it off. You wanted to shut your phone off completely but you knew that was a bad idea for many different reasons. You knew the team would panic, panic being an understatement, if they couldn't even get one ring on your phone. That and you knew Garcia was tracking your phone just so they knew where you were.

Instead, you opted to watch it buzz. Leaving the texts unchecked and the calls unanswered.

You may have been a little dramatic but you couldn't find it in yourself to care.

———

Emily was standing, well pacing, in Hotch's office as he sat at his desk, "I just don't know what to do. She won't answer my calls or texts,"

"She's not answering any of ours either." He didn't want to let on that he was worried, this being entirely out of character for you.

"Hotch, it's been a week. She hasn't come to work." Concern practically dripped from Emily's voice.

He briefly pinched the bridge of his nose, "I know. I didn't think she would react like this."

"I didn't either, did I mess up by not telling her?"

"No. We did what we had to. Not only for the importance of the case, but it kept her safe too."

He tried to reason with the thoughts raging through the brunette's mind, ultimately failing.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going to head over to her place and try to talk to her."

Of course, he felt that maybe Emily going wasn't the best idea. Maybe Rossi or Reid could go. But he knew that she wouldn't listen regardless of what he said anyways.

"Okay, keep us posted."

She rushed out of his office with your apartment in mind, "Will do."

It took Emily all of twenty minutes to get out of the BAU and to the front door of your apartment.

Oddly, she hesitated for a mere second before knocking. A feeling of relief came to her when she heard your voice on the other side.

"Who is it?" Your voice was weak and hoarse, presumably from your exhaustion but also because you haven't actually talked in quite a few days.

"It's me, Emily."

You regretted your choice of calling out instead of looking into the peephole.

You jumped up from the couch, with more abruptness and energy than you've had in ages, instantly going to the door, "No one's home. Go away." You quietly paced back and forth behind it.

"Come on Y/n, you can't hide forever."

"Sure I can, maybe if I hide long enough everyone will think I died." You couldn't care less about the childish sentence that left your mouth.

"That's not fair, I did what I had to."

The door flies open, "Really?! That's the best you could come up with?! God, Emily!"

The moment her eyes landed on you, she took the opportunity to get a better look at you. She hasn't seen you in months, just like you hadn't seen her. But your flushed and tear-stained face isn't what she was expecting. Emily was expecting you to be tired, a bit different maybe. But not like this. The dark circles that claimed home under your eyes weren't budging, becoming a new part of you because you never were able to get actual sleep since she was gone.

You tried to slam the door shut but she stops it, you don't have enough energy to fight it. You sigh loudly and sharply but it doesn't phase Emily.

She glanced around your apartment, the usual tidiness and comfort nowhere to be found. In your defense, this didn't happen in a week, the clutter occurred from the sheer lack of energy and motivation to clean anything over the past several months.

"Y/n, you have to talk to me." Her hands are out front of her, bracing for something, though it's as if she's almost afraid of approaching you.

You cross your arms, "Oh? Now you're all for communication?"

"Look, I know you're mad-" Okay, maybe you weren't expressing your feelings entirely in the right way.

"Mad? Mad?! Emily, I'm not fucking mad, I'm fucking destroyed."

She has a questioning face but lets you further explain.

The tears you so desperately tried to hide returned faster than before, "Every damn day for months, I cried the hardest I've ever cried in my life. I cried so hard because I thought that the love of my life, the other half of my soul, was gone. YOU DIED," Your arms were flailing in attempts to hide your shaking form. "And- and then when I thought I finally found a way to not cry every damn hour, you just, walk right in? Like nothing happened?! What the fuck?!" You wiped the tears that you had felt during your rant.

"Y/n, I'm sorry. I truly am. I wanted to talk to you, to reach out, but I couldn't." The pain in her eyes beginning to match yours.

"The worst part of it all," You took a stuttering breath. "I didn't get to say goodbye. Every day, I had to walk by your portrait that was screwed into the wall, as if it was mocking me." More tears fell on your face.

Emily took a step forward towards you, and in turn, you took a step back.

"I want to believe this is real. That you are standing right in front of me. But I can't bring myself to. I can't savor this to just lose you all over again." A broken sob left your lips.

Despite your, very pathetic, attempt at keeping Emily from getting close to you, she moved your hands aside and pulled you into her.

Another sob escaped you when you realized she didn't vanish. Her scent and the feeling of her stroking your head made you realize, this is real, and she is here, with you.

At this realization though, your knees gave out, and you are no longer able to muster the energy to keep you upright. More broken cries and sobs came from you as Emily dropped to the floor with you, her hold never faltering.

Your fears of her vanishing again were clear in the way you held onto any part of her you could.

As your sobs and cries shifted into stuttering breaths, you began to feel the embarrassment roll over you. You knew you shouldn't be embarrassed for your emotions, especially for showing them in front of Emily. She was always the only one you never hid from. But you were feeling many different things at once, and you couldn't help it.

You pulled back from her and silently wiped your tear-stained face, you knew it wouldn't make a difference though.

It took you a second to remember the reason why Emily returned to begin with, "So, how's the case?"

Guilt took over you again, you made this about yourself, ignoring the much bigger picture that was happening. How could you do that? Leave in the middle of one of the biggest cases the BAU has had in some time.

Emily was clearly confused by your sudden shift, "No no, how are you?"

Sighing, you tried to get the topic off of you, "Emily, we can talk about that later. I've missed a lot of what's happened on the case."

"We haven't made much progress, well, we haven't made any progress. So, I'll ask again, how are you?"

"I'm okay."

"Wanna try that again, 'cause I'm right here." Not a thing changed, she still saw straight through you.

"Before I answer that, I have a question for you."

"Anything."

"If we had caught Doyle on our own, would you have come back? Would you have come back if you didn't have to?"

She paused for a second, "I'd like to think that I would've, yes."

Her political voice was clear as if she were speaking on trial, "Oh, stop the bullshit Emily, I'm not Strauss," She looked a little surprised. "You don't need to be posh when speaking with me. If the real answer was no you could've just said that."

She sighed before speaking, "I won't lie and say I didn't embrace the slight break of things at least a little bit, but it was just as much hell for me as it was for you," You waited for her to explain more because her tone told you she wasn't done. "You mourned the loss of one, I mourned the loss of six. Every day, I lived in fear that Doyle or one of his men would find me and finish what they started. Or worse, they'd find you. And that's why I couldn't tell you. There was a chance that if they found you, going on normally and living your life, they'd know I wasn't actually gone. And they would use you to get to me. And I wasn't going to risk that."

Your tears returned when you saw Emily fighting off her tears, trying to at least keep herself together. That was another way you two were alike.

"I understand why you did what you had to, I really do. A part of me just couldn't help but feel every possible thing." She searched your eyes for something, and she likely already found it.

"Your turn." You knew what she was talking about.

"No, I'm not," You looked at your hands in your lap. "It felt like a huge part of me died with you that day. A part of me that I was certain wouldn't come back. I became reckless on cases, anyone could tell you that, just hoping that if there was anything that could go wrong, it would happen to me. If anything was to happen to someone on the team, it would be me. I guess, I thought that if something did happen, it would bring me to you." You were terrified to meet Emily's gaze, you know the type of look she'd have and you couldn't bare to see it right now.

"Y/n, I-"

"Don't be sorry, please don't be sorry for me." You whispered, looking up to see her with the exact look you didn't want her to have.

"I'm not-"

"Emily, that's the face you make when you have to talk with a victim's family. I know that tone. I don't want you to treat me like one of them because I'm not, nowhere close."

Yes, you did lose the love of your life. Yes, you were utterly lost. And no matter what the hell you were currently feeling, you got her back. She was here and in your arms. And that is what sets you apart from any family of victims.

"I know that," She spoke as she just slightly nodded her head. "Believe me, I do. And I know I'm just a broken record but I'm so sorry. Y/n, I didn't want to go without saying anything to you but I didn't have a choice."

"I know, I was just being selfish. I just wanted you to come back to me, I wanted this to just be a nightmare and I'd wake up and see you sleeping next to me." Emily brought her hand up and caressed your cheek as you finished your sentence.

"Well, I'm back now. And I know we can't take back the time we lost but we can make up for it, we can continue where we left off or we can even start over if that's what you want."

Your eyes search hers, the same russet brown that you longed to see for ages, but you weren't looking for anything in particular, you just missed her. At this moment, seeing and holding her, you said to hell with it. You pulled her back to you and rejoined your lips, deciding that you were ready to be done with the past. After all, it was irrelevant now.

The world was drowned out with her lips on yours, nothing else was important and nothing could pull you from this moment. That is until your phone went off again. You pulled back from Emily with a groan, and a small chuckle came from her.

"You should probably answer that." She followed your eyes to your buzzing phone that was on the coffee table.

You sighed, "Yeah, I don't want Morgan breaking down my door if you guys decide to come for me."

You crawled a few feet's distance towards your phone, a smile coming to your face when you heard Emily's laugh at your comment.

You turned around, leaning against the coffee table as you answered the phone, "Hey, you."

Emily tried to make it seem like she wasn't listening to the call, but she wasn't trying too hard and you saw straight through it.

Garcia squealed as she heard your voice, "OH! Oh my god! Lovey, are you okay? I don't know what I was expecting but I'm glad you picked up! How are you doing?" You chuckled at her antics, her asking a million questions a second.

You looked up at Emily, "I'm okay, now."

"Oh! I'm so glad! As much as I'm glad you're having this reunion, there's been a breakthrough on the case." Just as Garcia asked you if you could come in, your eyes snapped to Emily.

The moment she saw your look, she knew that both of you were needed, of course, she heard what Garcia said but that's unimportant.

Before you made your leave for the office, you opted to shower and change out of your clothes. You may not have been dirty per se, but it was nice to refresh and rid yourself of the past few days.

The smile that came to your face when Emily rested her hand on your thigh during the drive back to the BAU was entirely involuntary, but it was welcomed. There was plenty you two could've been talking about during the drive, plenty to catch up on, but you both just decided to enjoy the silence the both of you shared and enjoy each other's presence.

All eyes were on you when you and Emily walked back into the bullpen, and instead of speaking you just flashed everyone a sheepish smile. You may have blatantly ignored both Hotch and JJ, not quite ready to face them and be the bigger person, and listened to Garcia as she announced the newfound information.

With everything coming together, the team set a plan in action. Of course, you didn't like that Emily was their main play, you just got her back.

Luckily, all went well, except for Doyle being killed but you counted that as a win. But you, Emily, Declan, and everyone else on the team were safe.

"Let's go home." You placed your hands on either side of her face in an attempt to ground her, you knew that what just happened was a lot for her.

She just nodded in acceptance and took your hand, following you back to the car. Everyone else on the team just watched as you both walked away, they would catch up with you both later, they knew that you both just needed each other right now and the paperwork could wait.

Yeah, the last seven months were hell, but that doesn't matter anymore. All that heartache, all the tears, they're irrelevant now that you have Emily in your arms again.

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

Taglist: @inlovewithgreta @v3nusxsky @just-your-casual-nerd @pebbleswritessometimes @bigolgay @scream-queenlover @darkth1ngs @sgelessoanddoveykissing. Y’all are my Taglist so you get to see all my characters 🥰

#emily prentiss #criminal minds #paget brewster #she comes back from the dead #hurt/comfort #oneshot #sapphic #fanfic #season 8 emily #fem reader #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x female reader #emily prentiss x you #emily prentiss x y/n

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