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moonah-rose · 1 year

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Thought I'd give some quickie reviews on some of the books I've read over the past several months. These aren't proper literary criticisms, just my personal feels take that what you will.

Most of these are sapphic as that's what I felt tv kept cancelling from me.

Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon - this was the book that got me back into reading. It's a huuuge fantasy epic with a lot of povs, a ton of queer rep, really strong characters - though sadly one of those povs is annoying as hell and does grind the story to halt. But the rest of the cast does balance it out. The story and world building is a little tough to get your head around but I really loved listening to this book in bed because it felt like being read a fairy tale for adults. And it's self contained, though there is a prequel coming out so I'm hoping to reread it before then.

Crier's War / Iron Heart by Nina Varela - This plot didn't quite live up to its premise for me, its essentially about a ruling class of android-humans (a la Westworld but medieval) who rule over ordinary humans, but the Automae didn't feel all that distinct from any other superior class, I guess after watching Westworld I was hoping for more but then again it is YA. On the other hand, the enemies to lovers main relationship between Crier and Ayla is really good, especially in the second book I loved seeing how their relationship developed past that initial enemy stage.

Girls of Paper and Fire trilogy by Natasha Ngan - unlike Criers War, I really loved the world building in this one, I adored the main protagonist and the journey she goes on without any Chosen One prophecy or powers needed. There's a lot of discussion of rape and trauma but presented in a way that doesn't make it too heavy. The second book is definitely the weakest until the last few chapters where it leads amazing into the final book which had me binging it to the end. There is a sapphic main romance, between two courtesans, and it's...fine. Like it's not my favorite ship I've read and I was definitely more into the plot with this one. There's just a bit of the miscommunication trope in the second book that annoyed me slightly.

These Witches Don't Burn by Isabel Sterling - This made me realise that sapphic modern day high school romances don't work for me any better than straight ones. There's nothing really wrong with it, just nothing that stood out for me, even the witchcraft which just didn't bring me in. The mc's love interest was kinda adorable though.

The Jasmine Throne / The Oleander Sword by Tasha Suri - fuuuuck, these are good, the fantasy elements are so interesting and unique, I adore how morally grey the two leads are. For Rhaenicent fans this is a must read. I love how strong the romance is while still having so much plot and other interesting characters going on with neither distracting from the other. Actually quite a lot of horrific imagery in this, at least for me things like people being burned alive and consumed by plants which kinda made me imagine the Last of Us zombies but less feral. That last scene in the OS - what the fuck, Tasha, gimmie book three now or I'm coming for you.

This Is How You Lose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone - I was really afraid that I wouldn't get into this with the style it's written but nope, it got me, and it works so well with the literelly timeless (or all time) setting, it is like reading a dream, I love Red and Blue's voices so much and it's one I instantly had to reread to notice all those little details that make sense once you get to the end. Again; Rhaenicent or Catradora etc girls - get on this. Also it's short, but doesn't feel short, which is always the best kinda novella.

The Unbroken by C.L Clark - This one started off strong but lost me by the end. Touraine is a really interesting protagonist and there's a lot of conflicting loyalties, but it just became kinda tiring by the end seeing her get shoved between them and even the romance as well started off good but lost me. I might pick this one up again as the problem might be I was listening to it on Audible and all the voices sounded the same, making it very hard to keep track of who was talking.

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsin Miyur - Similar problem as the last one, I don't think Audiobook is the right format to get into something this confusing, but also just the performances themselves made me hate the characters. Don't consider this a fair review because I didn't make it far before dnfing, a lot of people love this, I just couldn't get a grasp on what was happening. Again, if I see a physical copy on sale I might try it again but it doesn't bode well that a lot of people have told me they gave up on the sequel even if they did love the first one.

The Color Purple by Alice Walker - a non fantasy sapphic romance and a classic, the movie is one of my all time favourites so I was excited to read the novel at last. I love that we get to see Celie and Shug's love story properly as they had to nearly almost cut it from the film. Didn't get me as emotional as the movie, I was surprised that the subplot about Shug and her dad wasn't a thing but it does make sense considering it's told from Celie's letters. I can't say I enjoyed it more than the movie but it did have a lot to make it feel like its own thing.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Ried - I. LOVED. THIS. I read it in one day and it just had everything, even with it not being a fantasy, it had that classic Hollywood magic vibe. It had tragedy, romance, rivals to lovers, confronting biphobia, found family, platonic soulmates, and it had me crying three times in one sitting. The fact that Netflix are adapting it into a movie instead of HBO giving it a seven episode series treatment like it deserves makes me think there's no god.

Babel by R.F Kuang - Is this sapphic? No. Is it gay? I...believe so. But its very much YMMV. I cannot see Robin and Ramiz' relationship as anything other than unresolved romance. But I also felt I had to put this on my list because even if you're not into that, this is just an amazing book and one for people fascinated by language and translations, with a pretty easy to understand magic system, dark academia, and also a massive Fork You to the British empire so; yay.

Malice / Misrule by Heather Walter - I've already done a whole post about this so I'll keep it short; loved it! I loved that unlike Maleficent in the Disney remake, Alice goes full on dark queen and embraces being a monster - but she's still someone to root for and Aurora is more than just a passive sleepy princess. It makes it fun to root for the bad girl without having too sad or depressing an ending that tries to guilt trip you (looking at a certain dragon show).

Cinderella is Dead by Kalynn Bayron / We Set The Dark On Fire by Tehlor Mejia / The Once and Future Witches by Alix E. Harrow - How are these books connected? They aren't. They completely separate series with different settings and characters...but what links them is that they're all books about smashing the patriarchy within their respected worlds, they're all sapphic, and I completely forgot about them once they were done. Can't even remember if I got to the end of OAFW. I know that WSTDOF had a twist with its other main character that had me rolling my eyes. Just wasn't a fan.

Sweet and Bitter Magic by Adrienne Tooley - I feel like I would have enjoyed this book a lot more if I'd read it in high school but as an adult and after reading so many better books it just left me bored for a fantasy journey. The concept of a main character being magically unable to love or feel joy could have been a good allegory for depression in a smarter story but this just had really flat characters with a pretty dull final "villain".

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree - as coffee shop aus go, this is what you'd expect or want from that. It's cosy, it's wholesome, it has a really uplifting third act that's right out of a Hallmark movie. I do think it's a bit of a slow start, I could have done without pages and pages of building renovation plans, but as someone who works in customer service I could relate to a lot of the frustrations- though I would have loved a scene with Viv drop kicking a Karen out the shop for picking on Tandri. I would love to see more books like this, especially comedies / self-aware parodies like Onward or Willow if it had funny writers.

A Broken Blade by Melissa Blair - I have a bone to pick with BookTok about this because it was recommended to me as sapphic enemies to lovers...when it's not. It is sapphic, in that the mc is bi and has a dead "girlfriend"-ish. But the main romance is your standard ACOTAR hot-fae boy. Which would have been fine if I'd been made aware what I was into because I kept waiting for this guy to go away so I could get to my wlw fix which wasn't happening. But also his and Kira's relationship was my least favorite kind of enemies to lovers where they're fighting, they don't even know each other except for some charged banter and they just kiss mid battle...ugh. A shame because the world is interesting, I just couldn't get into the characters.

And that is currently it so far! It did make me feel kinda proud of myself looking over those and seeing what I've managed to read after I stopped for many years. But I've kinda given up reading fanfiction as it's been years since anything really gripped me, as I seem to always fall for rarepairs, and most of the sagas I fall in love with end up being left unfinished.

Should also admit; yes I read ACOTAR and the first Cresent City book, I also have the first Throne of Glass on my tbr. Are these straight fantasy smut trash with very poor diversity? Yes. Are they fun? Yes. I didn't get on the Twilight train in school, thankfully, so these are my trash.

#sapphic fantasy #wlw books #queer books #lgbt lit

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blueboyblue3 · 3 years

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She’s just... touch starved ...

#my art #catradora #catra she ra #adora she ra #she ra pop #shera princess of power #fanart #catradora makes me FEEL ALIVE AGAIN

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testudoaubrei-blog · 3 years

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Well, it’s not quite a master’s thesis, but this is (the first of) a series of posts on why Catra and Adora are the best love story in the history of kids TV animation and maybe the greatest love story in the history of TV. This may in some ways be faint praise - romance on TV is generally not very good compared with books or movies. Often it’s just some will they/won’t they sexual tension that is defused by getting characters together and re-heightened by breaking them up. TV is full of nearly shark jumping pointless dramas like Sam and Diane (Cheers, holy fuck am I dating myself, though that was technically before my time), Ross and Rachel (Friends, which was no Cheers) etc, but also some less annoying couples like Ben and Leslie (Parks and Rec) or Amy and Jake (Bk99) who are mostly just kind of cute and fun. Other shows, like the X-Files, teased viewers for years with unresolved sexual tension. In kids shows most romances are, appropriate for their target viewers, mild, sweet relationships based more on self-conscious flirting and blushing than on complex and conflicted feelings or deep passions - which is pretty realistic when the characters are young teens or even mid-teens. Some of these relationships are really well done - Finn and Flame Princess, Dipper and Pacifica (yeah I ship them), the early stages of Katara and Aang (before the showrunners imbued this childhood crush with cosmic significance), Steven and Connie, etc. Catra and Adora, though, are different. Their love story is not a side plot or a sub plot, it’s the heart of the show. It isn’t a childhood crush, it’s a very messy and passionate relationship between two young adults. She-Ra is an emotionally complex lesbian romance just as much as it is a thrilling action/adventure show. Everything about their relationship is baked into the show’s plot, its themes, hell even its musical score. The dramatic tension between Catra and Adora is not the result of stretching out a flirtation for ratings, but a coherent dramatic arc that runs through the entire show. As Noelle said, he made Catradora so central that execs couldn’t take it out without ruining the show. And the show is better for it. In this series of posts I’m going to try to show why, as well as showing why She-Ra is such a fantastic love story.

First off, let’s talk about how Catra and Adora’s character arcs are foils for each other, and how they come together and apart through the series. This is actually a post that I’ve been working on for a while but I keep summarizing the show rather than cutting to the chase, so I’m not going to recite many plot points so much as sketch out what’s going on with the dramatic structure at the time. But also, let’s talk about what each character’s arc is saying, and how they are commenting on each other. Spoiler alert: Catra’s arc is a subversion and critique of stories of empowerment through ruthless self-assertion and revenge, while Adora’s arc is a subversion and critique of chosen one narratives and stories of self-denial and self-transcendence.

When the show starts, Adora and Catra are shown as rivals and friends - their first scene starts the recurring motif of them reaching out for each other as one of them dangles above an abyss, as well as establishing their flirtatious banter and easy camaraderie. We quickly learn that these two young women plan to conquer the world together. These scenes and later flashbacks show Catra and Adora as deeply enmeshed in each others lives, to the point where neither of them (but especially Catra) have clear identities outside of one another. There is so much genuine love on both sides before Adora leaves, but also resentment, envy and fear, especially on Catra’s side, as well as a protectiveness on Adora’s side that deprives Catra of her autonomy. They are both being abused by Shadow Weaver - Catra physically and emotionally, Adora emotionally. It wouldn’t be too much to say that Shadow Weaver holds Catra hostage to control Adora (this is why critiques that Adora abandoned Catra to be abused are actually kind of messed up, since they accept Shadow Weaver’s premise that Adora is responsible for what Shadow Weaver does to Catra). In addition, Catra and Adora actually see the world incredibly differently. Adora already sees the world in terms of right, wrong and her destiny to right wrongs - this is why it’s important for her to accept the Horde’s obvious lies - she couldn’t keep living if she didn’t. Catra, on the other hand, sees the world solely in terms of survival and personal loyalty - everything for her is about preserving herself and the person she cares about - Adora.

Then, when Adora finds the sword, she leaves because it’s the right thing to do. Catra doesn’t even have a concept of ‘the right thing to do’ being something she should care about, or perhaps, something she can care about as an irredeemably evil, awful fuck-up. So at Thaymor neither one understands where the other is coming from, and Catra and Adora begin to part. This is the first turning point in their relationship. Adora chooses duty over what she desires, Catra chooses to protect herself (such as she sees it) and nurse her sense of betrayal and abandonment.

Their relationship until Promise is a kind of weird Frenemy thing that is fascinating to watch and sold me on the show. Neither one wants to fully admit to themselves that the other is now their enemy, neither one has given up on changing the other’s mind. Each is furious at the other, and desperate to see her again at the same time. There’s a lot of heartache and just as much sexual tension, especially at Princess Prom. Both of them come alive when they fight each other (more about that in a later post). But they’re already growing apart - Adora embracing her destiny as She-Ra, Catra rising in the ranks for the Horde. Adora now has the purpose she always wanted, plus other friends and a sense of being chosen to do something great, while Catra now has power - the means to protect herself from people like Shadow Weaver as well as the vindication she had always been denied, and even the opportunity to beat Shadow Weaver at her own game.

The next turning point is Promise. Holy fuck, this episode. It’s an episode that is even more heartbreaking after you’ve watched the show because you know just how much worse things are going to get, and yet, it’s a necessary part of both of their character arcs. Even through season 1 Catra and Adora had remained very much enmeshed in each others lives in an increasingly fucked up way as they grew apart but refused to turn away from each other. Even though they aren’t -exactly- a romantic couple (Adora doesn’t recognize and acknowledge her feelings until the last episode of Season 5), Season 1 of She-Ra is one of the worst breakups I have seen on TV. As I said in a couple of previous posts, this is the kind of shit that the Mountain Goats write songs about. Everything that was poisoning their love for each other even before episode 1 bubbles to the surface and combines with them fighting on opposite sides of the war to make a truly fucked up situation. In the end, it’s Catra that makes the choice to turn away from Adora. This isn’t a -good- decision. It’s spiteful, and destructive, and based on an outright deluded understanding of their relationship (inspired by Light Hope’s manipulations and her own issues), but it’s in some ways a necessary decision. Catra has been so wrapped up in Adora for so long that she isn’t going to be able to figure out who -she- is without cutting Adora out of her life. And the same is true of Adora.

But each of them do this in about the worst way possible. Catra embraces destruction, ambition, manipulation and outright cruelty, turning the tactics of her abusers against them and against everyone around her. She first triumphs over Shadow Weaver and manipulates Entrapta into trying to corrupt Etheria itself. Meanwhile Adora ‘lets go’ and commits herself to the self-denying mantle of She-Ra. Over the next several seasons, their respective paths will nearly lead both Catra and Adora to their deaths (in the Season 4 finale).

For the next season (counting season 2 and 3 as one) Catra and Adora are still closely linked, but as enemies. Still, there’s more than enough flirtation between them (that ‘Hey Catra’ in the first episode of Season 2 is something else), and especially on Adora’s side we see her hold back with Catra, and often take responsibility for the harm Catra inflicts, just like she had when they were kids. Yet they still drift apart - after facing off every other episode in Season 1, they spend less and less time on screen together through season 2 and 3. Catra continues her ascent to power and descent into villainy while Adora becomes more of a stressed out mess as she takes the fate of the world and the wellbeing of everyone she cares about on her admittedly broad shoulders. Catra’s one moment of vulnerability is rewarded by Shadow Weaver’s betrayal and her exile, then Catra triumphs in ruthless badass fashion through sheer desperation and aggression. In the Crimson Wastes, we see Catra at her most independent, and she almost seems happy. But once Adora shows up and Catra hears about Shadow Weaver, she’s sucked back into the worst of her resentments, and she makes very clear that being happy is less important to her than making sure Adora is miserable.

This changes everything. Catra completely breaks with reality and tries to kill Adora, herself and the world rather than lose to Adora and Shadow Weaver (I do think it’s important to remember that she does that after Shadow Weaver nearly kills her). Catra betrays everyone around her when she exiles Entrapta, threatens Scopria and lies to Hordak. Then she flips the switch. When Adora tries to fix things, Catra fights to her own death to make sure that the world disintegrates with her. For her part, Adora fights first to understand what is wrong with the world and then to fix it. Finally she tells Catra that destroying the world is her choice and she has to live with it, decks her, and then sees her off with a death glare once the portal is closed. With this, Adora writes Catra off even if, as she says later, she never never hated her. By doing that, Adora casts off the guilt that had dogged her and takes responsibility for her own life rather than someone else’s - this is actually a huge step for her, and one that will become more important in Season 4.

Season 4 is in many ways the nadir of their relationship. They only see each other once during the entire season, in Fluterrina, when Adora tries to blast Catra, much to the latter’s shock. There’s a sense in that scene that Catra is trying to have the same flirtatious enmity she used to have with Adora, and Adora is having none of it. Catra almost seems hurt by this, which is an early hint at how isolated Catra is beginning to feel. Catra spends the rest of the season at her highest and lowest. On the one hand she spends most of 12 episodes winning by every standard she has ever claimed to care about, besting Hordak himself in single combat and making herself co-ruler of the Horde and coming within a day’s march of ending the Rebellion. In many ways it is the ultimate empowerment fantasy - the abused young woman has defeated her abusers, showed up everyone who doubted her and forced everyone to respect her. But I think it’s striking that the show starts with her and Adora dreaming of conquering the world together and in Season 4 Catra nearly succeeds in conquering it alone, almost like she was trying to live out her old shared fantasy while proving she didn’t need her former best friend.

At the same time, Catra is clearly miserable. She’s always been unhappy, but in Season 4 we see her completely isolated and lying to herself and everyone who will listen in a desperate attempt to justify her actions. Turning the tactics of Hordak and Shadow Weaver against them to gain power and then against Scorpia and Entrapta to maintain it haven’t vindicated Catra, they’ve made her more and more alone as Entrapta is exiled and Scorpia drifts away. Meanwhile Catra reaches out to Double Trouble, and her interactions with them reek of a kind of desperate desire to have someone in her life (the feeling of their interaction is of an unhealthy casual relationship where one partner becomes emotionally invested and the other takes advantage of that while denying the other the closeness they desire). As people leave her, one after the other, it becomes clearer and clearer that Catra doesn’t want power at all - she wants connection, friendship, love, and power is a very poor replacement. As I said in my long Catra rant, Season 4 is both her ‘Walter White as a Catgirl’ season and the beginning of her redemption. Everything comes to head when Sparkles destroys everything Catra has tried to achieve, Double Trouble delivers those harsh truths and Horde Prime shows up and makes it all irrelevant, just highlighting how futile all her struggles and sacrifices and crimes have been.

Meanwhile Adora spends Season 4 becoming her own her and her own woman. After telling off Catra, she grows more and more disillusioned with Light Hope and critical of Glimmer (though the latter has more than a shade of her old habit of taking responsibility for others - Adora’s development is not linear). She’s gained the courage and confidence to strike out her own path, not just follow a destiny. At the season’s end she once again breaks with her best friend to do what is right, and discards the destiny that she was being prepared for. But in this case she isn’t chasing one packaged destiny for another, instead she’s making her own choice and literally shattering the thing that she thought gave her life purpose. It’s badass, and heartbreaking, and along with decking Catra and jumping after Catra into the abyss (see below) it’s the perfect Adora moment.

In many ways Season 5 starts with Catra and Adora farther apart than they have ever been. They aren’t even enemies anymore, they’re completely out of each other’s lives. And both Catra and Adora are lost at the beginning of Season 5 - Catra is useless and alone on Prime’s ship, completely defeated despite ostensibly being on the winning side, and she goes through the motions of her normal plotting without any particular conviction and none of her normal flair. Meanwhile Adora is even more miserable and self-destructive than usual, throwing herself at Horde Bots and working herself until she drops of exhaustion. In a very real way they both stay lost until they have a chance to help the other. Catra takes responsibility for what she’s done and what she can do, saves Glimmer (at least partly for Adora’s sake), apologizes to Adora, and sacrifices herself. Adora only seems to come alive when she decides to turn around, face Prime, and save the cat. And when she does, Catra and Adora’s arcs, which had separated so completely in season 4, come crashing back together to end the series.

Adora during Save the Cat is such a contrast with the uncertain, hesitant and self-destructive wreck we’ve seen so far in Season 5. This is possibly her craziest plan in 3 years of mostly cazy plans, but she never wavers or questions herself. Even when Chipped Catra appears and we see Adora’s heart break while we watch, Adora doesn’t back down or relent. She keeps at it even as the tears stream down her face. She fights better trying to save Catra without She-Ra’s powers than she fought at the Battle of Bright Moon with them. Catra’s just about as desperate - we see her cry and plead, and now is probably as good a time to any to point out how amazing a job both VAs did throughout the show, but especially in this episode, and how good a job the board artists did.

Seeing each other for the first time in a year, and only the second time since Catra blew everything up, Catra and Adora are probably the rawest and least restrained we’ve ever seen them. There’s barely any banter, no bravado, and no pretense that they are anything other than two women who desperately need each other (Prime doesn’t help with ‘You broke my heart’.) Then Catra is flung to her death, Adora jumps after her, breaks both her legs in the fall (we see her crawl to Catra, as though she couldn’t walk) and becomes the real She-Ra. It’s such a triumphant and deeply queer moment seeing a woman transformed into a warrior goddess to protect the woman she loves, and it’s the reason that, as dark as it is, Save the Cat is my Comfort Food episode.

Let’s not sleep on Taking Control, though. This episode is like a microcosm of what this show does best, especially the A plot with Catra and Adora. Catra’s reversion to lashing out at everyone and her refusal to be open to Adora shows just how much of a struggle this whole ‘being good and trying to connect to people’ thing is. Catra’s outburst gives Adora a chance to stand up for herself and refuse to be Catra’s punching bag, while also not trying to control her. Adora’s ultimatum gives Catra a chance to reach out to Adora (quite literally), and allow herself to be vulnerable. In this episode, we see just how far Catra and Adora have come since the messed up stew of their relationship in Season 1. Adora lets Catra be responsible for her own actions; Catra lets herself be vulnerable to Adora and takes responsibility for her actions. They’re both better people and better friends and better partners than they were, and the show has shown this in a strikingly nuanced and realistic way.

The important thing to note in the next few episodes of Season 5 isn’t just how much closer Catra and Adora get to each other and how much they flirt (So much. So much, y’all) but just how -happy- they are. We see both of them transformed in the other’s presence. Basically, since they’ve parted, both Catra and Adora have been defined in no small part by how miserable they often are. They have both had their triumphs and their lighter moments, but there’s been a sense of melancholy dogging both Catra and Adora since episode 1. And now that they’re together again, that lifts, somewhat. Catra’s verbal barbs have lost their venom, and she can openly show how much she cares for Adora and even Bow and Glimmer. She’s still herself - snarky, cynical, somewhat devious - but she’s not engaged in a self-destructive zero-sum struggle with everyone around her. Meanwhile Adora has spent 4 seasons being a neurotic and sometimes nearly joyless mess who takes responsibility for everything and often doesn’t let herself enjoy anything other than the odd BFS group hug (exceptions include trying to uh...impress Huntara and reveling with the butterfly ladies of Elberron in Flutterina). Around Catra, though, she’s a cocky, swaggering jock who gives as good as she gets. It’s a side of Adora we’ve only seen hints of before, and one that’s so much more confident and joyful even as the world is ending around her. Apart, Catra had tried to protect and vindicate herself with power and conquest, while Adora had tried to forget herself in duty and sacrifice. Together, they can be themselves again. This dynamic is crucial to the show’s portrayal of Catra and Adora’s romance because it doesn’t just show how much they love each other, but how they’re -good- for each other now that they’ve grown as people, and that they are so much better than they were when they were apart.

Until Shadow Weaver shows up. Their old abuser reintroduces tensions but even then things are different than they were. Now Catra isn’t just resentful of how Shadow Weaver prefers Adora - she’s protective of Adora, which is clearest in Failsafe when she calls Shadow Weaver out for being willing to sacrifice Adora. And while Adora takes the Failsafe, it isn’t to follow her destiny or because she has a death wish - it’s because she loves her friends, and she is the only one who has any hope of doing this and living (though Catra’s suggestion that Shadow Weaver take it is a good one). And finally, when Catra leaves Adora, it isn’t because she hates Adora, nor, despite what she says, is it because she really thinks that Adora chose Shadow Weaver. At least, not exactly. It’s because Catra loves Adora, and can admit that to herself, and can’t stay around and watch the woman she loves sacrifice herself rather than choosing Catra. Before Catra leaves, she asks Adora ‘What do you want?” It’s a question that echoes Shadow Weaver’s speech in Episode 1: ‘isn’t this what you always wanted since you could want anything?’ As much as Adora has grown as a person, and defined herself and stood up for what she thinks is right, she still has never answered that question - it’s never been ‘what do I want’ but ‘what do I have to do?’ and that’s how Adora answers Catra’s question. This is Adora’s last gasp as a self-transcending hero, letting go of what she wants (not that she ever dared articulate what that was) in order to do what must be done. And it nearly kills her and dooms the universe, because Adora can’t be the hero that she needs to be by being anyone less than herself.

But it’s losing Catra that inspires Adora to tell off Shadow Weaver for good (not that she’d ever really warmed to her after season 1). And it’s love for Adora that inspires Catra to stand up to Shadow Weaver and demand that she do the right thing. In both cases, Catra and Adora aren’t just standing up to their abuser, but holding her to account for the harm she’s caused, and it’s the love that they have for each other that inspires them to do this. In Catra’s case in particular her refusal to let Shadow Weaver weasel out of finding Adora is a much greater triumph over Shadow Weaver than beating her up and breaking her mask in Season 1 - it’s proof not so much to Shadow Weaver but to Catra herself that Catra really is better than this and that she deserves better than this. It’s not turning her abuser’s tactics against her, but truly holding her to a moral standard and demanding that she do the right thing.

And then there’s Catra and Adora together at the heart. Catra has already come back for Adora and stayed to the end, choosing to die with her even if she can’t share a life together (not out of some death wish, but because Adora needs her). And Adora, who’s been avoiding answering the question for three fucking years, finally let’s herself want Catra when Catra finally confesses her love (breaking the last of her self-protective shields) and asks Adora to stay -for her-. And by admitting what she wants, Adora can truly be at peace with herself and be the hero she needs to be, lesbianism saves the universe, The End.

So anyway, that’s how Catra and Adora’s stories are woven together and how they compliment and comment on each other. Narrativiely, Adora and Catra start together, come apart, find something of themselves, and truly find themselves and each other when they are reunited. Thematically, they are critiquing seemingly opposing narrative tropes - empowerment narratives and narratives of self sacrifice. But by showing the flaws in both types of story and showing how neither self-seeking empowerment nor self-negating self sacrifice can actually make us happy, She-Ra asks and answers more profound questions than most prestige dramas for adults do. I’ll get into how the show sells the idea that the power of love can bring us happiness (and save the world) in a future post. But next up, I’m going to celebrate just how much Catra and Adora’s relationship revels in ambiguity, complexity and contradiction and so tells a grown up love story in a kid’s show.

#she ra #she ra spoilers #she ra adora #spop #catradora #she ra netflix #she ra and the princesses of power #goat ship #long #meta

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infartoomanyfandoms · 3 years

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I'm in a ranting mood now so I'm gonna give my 2 cents on Supercorp.

Season 2:

In season 2 Kara and Lena were actually written pretty well. They were friends, they hugged, snuggled on the couch had food together, went to gala's together, defended the other behind their back and that kind of thing. And of course all the times Supergirl saved Lena. We'd be here forever if I mentioned everything lol. There was definitely some flirting happening. They were written as friends but there was absolutely something there the writers could have explored.

Season 3:

A little odd in terms of Kara and Lena. It's like the CW said 'I see you Supercorp shippers and I raise you a season of them barely interacting alone.' They fought and made up again at work, Kara tried to convince drunk Lena that she's good, they were sweet at the Christmas party with everyone, just all of 3x12, and then there was the hugs in 3x18 and 3x21. We had some Supergirl saves but Lena's relationship with Supergirl ended up on the rocks. They were written very much 'no homo' this season compared to season 2. There wasn't really any super obvious flirting, there were romantic parallels with the risking of identity though. Overall we didn't really get to see much of them existing together. Plus Lena started dating James. Alex and Lena got some really good development though so that's a plus.

Season 4:

They definitely interacted much more than in season 3. They were happy to see each other at the beginning, 4x02 was a goldmine of hugging, Lena protecting Kara, Kara protecting Lena, the works. Lena made the power rangers suit while she was still mad at Supergirl, she broke up with James, she was worried about Kara at the hospital, they had an argument in 4x19 and made up (after Kara longingly stared at a picture of Lena on her phone), Lena cried on Kara as Kara waxed poetic about how wonderful Lena is, just the entirety of 4x20. Plus Lena and Supergirl's relationship was mended. Season 4b had a lot of romantic undertones imo. The classic red/blue colour scheme, Kara staring at the picture, the sheer concern they both had for each other, how hurt Lena was that she hadn't seen Kara for a while after not seeing her for weeks on end just the season before, and where do I start with 4x20!? The looks they gave each other on the plane, how worried Lena was for Kara when the plane was crashing, all the physical contact, Kara's tape recorder stopped Lena from being stabbed, the concern and hugging again at the end, how defensive Lena got over wanting to apologize and the almost reveal. They obviously love each other, platonic or otherwise. Kara gives much more platonic love vibes at this point. Although the raw panic and concern and "Thank god you're okay"s from Lena this episode made me think that she loves Kara a little more than platonically. I'd always shipped Supercorp for fun but 4x20 made me wonder if they were really going to go down that road. This is me > 🤡 Because then we had the reveal.

Season *gags* Season 5

You watched it, we've all seen it. I'm terribly sorry to bring it up again. Season 5 I understood why people called them queerbait. Up until then I'd been like "yes to us these two are super gay but this can all (mostly) pass as platonic, I understand wanting them together but I don't think it's queerbait." And you don't have to come for me, because season 5 came for my JUGULAR. What the hell. Kara telling Lena she's Supergirl was heartbreaking, Kara has very rarely been that upset, don't even talk to me about the Romeo and Juliet ass shot 5 seconds beforehand. Then at the beginning when everything is 'fine' Kara seems unable to stop comparing herself and Lena to Alex and Kelly. You know? The canon lesbian relationship!? "For a friend like you there are no boundaries" Kara flying around the world to get Lena's favourite food...In the show that said "Maybe giving food is Brainy's language of love." 💀 "You Mean the World to Me" Playing over Kara and Lena scenes and Alex and Kelly scenes. Lena, even though she's mad, knowing that Kara will always save her. Lena's speech in the fortress deserves a post of it's own holy shit. She shot Lex for Kara, Kara made her trust people again, she loves Kara so much and I personally think that part of her anger stems from loving Kara in a more than friendly way and she's mad at herself for allowing that to happen and being so hurt and heartbroken after she finds out Kara's Supergirl. (watching this scene again hurts me just so y'all know) Kara is SO upset. Then we have 5x08 when Lena is panicking when the kryptonite cannons won't go off. "SHUT IT DOWN NOW!" Then there's 'Head Above Water' playing over Andrea and Russell. And then Kara and Lena staring at the same picture of them together. Come on. The whole 100th episode was about their relationship. She followed Kara out of the room Lex was celebrating in to give her a book on grief. Then Lex screams in her face and when she turns up at Kara's door after leaving him, her speech is so heartbreaking. She clearly misses Kara...a lot. Then she looks so SAD when she sees Kara and Alex hugging. She misses Kara's hugs 😭 Then "You can scream at me if you like I know I deserve it." - I hope we unpack that at some point. And she is so so upset when Kara doesn't accept her apology initially. (Although I have to say I find it interesting how much she brings up Kaznia, 5x07 and 5x19. You know how I feel about ep 4x20) Then she lays her life on the line for Kara. And when they FINALLY make up Lena's relief is actually palpable. Even if the writers don't follow through with this, they way they've written season 5 is undeniably romantic. I still get platonic...ish vibes from Kara, but definitely not from Lena.

Season 6:

Episode 2? I don't know her. But omg 6x01. Kara trusting Lena with Myriad "No matter what's happened I know what's in your heart." Kara talking about self sacrifice and Lena "I won't let you turn this into a suicide mission, I can't!" And why not Lena hmm? (This is very canon couple dialogue). Also they are SO VERY CATRADORA ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Kara the self-sacrificing hero (Adora) and Lena, the one who refuses to just accept the hero's sacrifice (Catra). Please even the whole evil or not evil, terrible family, traumatic childhood and hair colour are the same 😂. Anyways then we have "You're the only one in the galaxy I know would do right by it." I don't even know how that could be spun platonically. Kara really just said she trusts Lena more than her own sister. You two just made up 5 minutes ago. Kara opens up about her trauma to Lena!! Lena codes 'Lena Luthor Protocol' in about 2 minutes maybe? Because she needs Kara to stay alive. And to round it all out, she tells Alex to tell Kelly about Kara, because Kelly is Alex's person. Implying to us humble clowns that Kara is Lena's person.

The fact that I've written more about 6x01 than the entire season of flirting and flowers speaks volumes to me personally.

In conclusion, Supercorp is Catradora with a pair of glasses and it's hair tied up. I will go down with this ship and good night.

#supergirl #supercorp #I'm obsessed with them #also I've been writing this for hours pls excuse any typos I really cba proof reading #one day I will do a proper analysis of all of their scenes together #I'm planning on a rewatch after exam season and then it will be oVER for y'all 😂#kara danvers x lena luthor #tw supergirl season 5

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likefolksongs · 2 years

Text

you're my head and you're my heart - a catradora playlist from adora's pov [spotify] [apple music*] // (catra's pov)

no light, no light - florence + the machine // my tears ricochet - taylor swift // even - julien baker // poison & wine - the civil wars // don't think about me - laura stevenson // let's go to war - katie malco // cherry blossom - pom pom squad // hurting kind - del water gap // i found - amber run // electricity - sam pinkerton // landfill - daughter // cutty love - milo greene // shark - oh wonder // bitches in tokyo - stars // new love cassette - angel olsen // not running - the beths // records of your tenderness - torres // honey - halsey // way out - indigo de souza // underwear - tancred // shut up kiss me - angel olsen // end of the world - ingrid michaelson // sin - tomberlin // there's a reason - wet // l.a.f - broods // orpheus - sara bareilles // burn - madi diaz // you yes you - tuneyards

*note: the apple music version is missing burn by madi diaz

lyrics under the cut

no light, no light - florence + the machine

no light, no light in your bright blue eyes i never knew daylight could be so violent a revelation in the light of day: you can't choose what stays and what fades away and i'd do anything to make you stay

my tears ricochet - taylor swift

i didn't have it in myself to go with grace 'cuz when i'd fight you used to tell me i was brave and if i'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? cursing my name, wishing i stayed

even - julien baker

it's not that i think i'm good i know that i'm evil i guess i was trying to even it out isn't that what you want? for me to be miserable like you? well you're about to get your wish

poison & wine - the civil wars

your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine you think your dreams are the same as mine oh, i don't love you and i always will

don't think about me - laura stevenson

your face is blank but familiar i know it's you, 'cuz i think of you and i'm run through when i try not to

let's go to war - katie malco

you look at me your eyes so miserable and it's so hard to admit i'm the reason for it

cherry blossom - pom pom squad

we're gonna fall in love again someday i think it's best you stay the fuck out of my way i try to fix it until something breaks i hope you're happy with the choice you made

hurting kind - del water gap

'til it kills us, we can live a lie if we ignore it then we'll be fine if we learn our love is the hurting kind then i'll let it devour me

i found - amber run

i'll use you as a focal point so i don't lose sight of what i want and i moved further than i thought i could but i miss you more than i thought i would

electricity - sam pinkerton

i can feel it in our bodies pulling us apart and you caused it the electricity between you and me

landfill - daughter

this is dangerous 'cuz i want you so much but i hate your guts i hate you

cutty love - milo greene

even as the world turns i'll be there to watch the fire burn burn us both alive

shark - oh wonder

are you gonna be mine? my wave, my shark, my demon in the dark the blue tide pulling me under? or are you my soul, my heart, pull everything apart?

bitches in tokyo - stars

cross off all the ways i failed you 'cause i failed you but i'm still in your blood you're still in my blood

new love cassette - angel olsen

wanna show you love all the time wanna hold you close and let you lie gonna love you true you

not running - the beths

open mouth i wanna hear that broken sound tell me to stay i'm not running away

records of your tenderness - torres

i let myself love you knowing i could never look back i dug so many graves i never had plans to fill i keep records of your tenderness that you say don't exist

honey - halsey

all i can taste is the blood in my mouth and the bitterness in goodbye drippin' like honey down the back of my throat and on the front of my mind

way out - indigo de souza

if you want to change i'll be here to love you no matter what shape you might take i'll love you anyway

underwear - tancred

well i don't want to fight you i'm already fighting me, and i'm losing remember when we were in the halls at 5am in our underwear, running from ghosts? and in my room i learned that you were soft

shut up kiss me - angel olsen

at your worst i still believe it's worth the fight... we could still be having some sweet memories this heart still beats for you, why can't you see?

end of the world - ingrid michaelson

when the sun runs out and there's no one to save you will you go to our favorite place? and try to say goodbye?

sin - tomberlin

i don't mind sinning if it's with you say a prayer, lay your hands on me i just wanna be clean

there's a reason - wet

there's a reason you're by my side again it's nobody's business who cares if anyone listens?

l.a.f - broods

kissin in the hallway turn off all the lights fragments of a lost love dissolve into the night

orpheus - sara bareilles

i'll show you good, restore your faith i'll try and somehow make a meaning of the poison in this place convince you, love, don't breathe it in you were written in the stars that we are swimming in

burn - madi diaz

it's been a while since i spoke your name but i remember now how it's like to feel you in my veins

you yes you - tune-yards

if home is where the heart is, baby then my home is inside you

#catradora #adora #catra #she ra #she ra and the princesses of power #spop #otp: i always have #mix

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nonbinarychaoticstupid · 3 years

Note

do 41 for catradora

ghost/living person au

behold! another thing i banged out and didn’t edit! kjjdnjjhdn this was fun! i decided to call it hello, my old heart after this song because i am cruel

(also... i think after i write the sequel bc i can’t just leave it like that i might expand this at some point or maybe write multiple versions? i like this a lot jejtnjrtnrnnm)

Adora doesn’t remember most of her childhood. Or much after that, really.

Everything up to the age of 18 is a... haze. Memories of life, of friends, of her identity, are either buried so deep she has to struggle to find them, or gone entirely. Faces, names, places, all gone somewhere she can’t follow.

It’s a given at this point, another piece of the debris of a life her carers left her with. She can’t fix it, and she can function without knowing her neighbour’s favourite colour, so why does it matter? It doesn’t hinder her too much, nor does it really make an impact on her functionality. It does annoy her, though, for reasons she can’t really explain.

There are things left behind in the fog of memory she... needs. Things that might explain this hole in heart, this deadening sense of loss that seems to follow her everywhere now. Things that might make everything make sense again.

Specifically, there’s... a memory of the traces of a memory. Someone Adora hurt, or someone who hurt Adora, or maybe both. And the girl who walked by her side for the first 18 years of her life, the girl who vanished at the drop of a hat, the girl she didn’t allow herself to grieve for.

She knows how important the girl was to her. And missing her, dreaming about her without knowing why, hurts more than the loss. There’s something... something between them she has to fix. And it might hold the key to everything.

If she could remember, if she could find those shattered memories and piece them back together, she might remember why they took her past from her, and why Catra vanished. Why Catra died.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She doesn’t know exactly why she came here, to the shell of the abandoned home on the hillside. Maybe because it holds her last memory of a memory of Catra, alive and standing in front of her, laughing as she turns to push the door open. Maybe because it’s where she feels her memories... return, in whatever capacity they are able to,

It’s darker than she remembers it. The hole in the roof has since been covered with tarpaulin and framed with a web of crumbling scaffolding, leaving dark, angular shadows climbing the walls and forming ominous shapes on the floor. Adora couldn’t begin to try and decipher the patterns there if she tried.

If she focuses, she can trace the paths they left in the dust together as kids, winding around battered marble columns and up the staircases and back down again, like trails in the snow.

Like...

Adora pushes back the tears. Why am I crying? What is it about this place that-

Oh.

A memory. Of... her.

“You’re trying to remember me, aren’t you? Stars, I’m so sorry, Adora.”

If she focuses, she can remember the first day they came here together, a pair of awkward 14 year olds with too much energy and too little time, and hid in the shadow of the stairs on the left, waiting for the night to pass. The details are blurred together, half-buried under a white haze, but if Adora tries, maybe she can -

She can’t.

“You can. If you want, you can. What they did to you - it isn’t permanent. You can break out of it if you try. It’ll hurt, but you can. I did.”

She shakes the - the memory (a memory, nothing else - something she’ll have to sit and examine later) off.

Adora picks her way across the floor, careful not to disturb the spiderweb of shadows. It feels... familiar, instinctual. Something more than muscle memory. Almost... almost like she’s being guided by the past she can’t reach.

There are memories here. Adora can feel them in the back of her mind, pushing her gently forwards, urging her on.

She makes her way into the centre of the main hall of the building - it was a mansion once, she realises - and tries to picture it as it was before - well-lit, grand, beautiful. She tries to see it how Catra would have (because she knows how much she loved this place, even if she doesn’t remember it), filled with stars and candles.

Adora switches off the torch and stretches out her hands, as though feeling her way forward, except there’s nothing to touch but air. And it feels... heavy. Like she’s being watched.

Except there’s no-one here. She’s alone.

I’m alone. I’m alone... right?

“No.”

A growing feeling of terror rises, unbidden, in her chest, and she whirls around, brandishing the torch in front of her like some sort of sword, doing her best to clamp down on the cry building in her throat.

Nobody. Nobody’s there.

“I am. I’m right here. Adora, I’m right here -”

Adora lets her shoulders drop. She feels... defeated, for some reason. Empty.

But the feeling doesn’t go away. And she can’t leave until something happens. She can’t leave until - until she gets her answers.

“What answers do you want, princess?”

Okay, the voice was definitely real that time.

Adora spins around again, nearly dropping the torch, and - there she is. Or rather, a memory of her - a girl no older than seven, with a tangle of dark hair and vivid heterochromatic eyes, her outline flickering and fading and -

She reaches out to touch her - and is met with empty air. The girl meets her eyes, and something in them looks so desperate that it makes her breath catch in her lungs, and then she just - vanishes. Melts into nothing.

She almost cries out. Almost fucking sobs. Because she was right there, all the answers could have been within her reach, and she just watched the girl she almost remembers melt into dust-

“Not her,” the voice tells her gently. “She’s not real. She used to be, but she isn’t now.”

Adora shakes her head and doesn’t answer.

“There are more of them here. Memories. Kinda.”

“What happened to her?” Adora whispers. They’re the first words she’s spoken in a while, and her voice sounds disjointed and out of place, echoing over and over down the hallways.

Something settles on her shoulder (at least, she thinks it does). “She’s... a fragment. That’s the only way I can think of describing it.” A laugh, one she... recognises. “I think they’re all part of the memories they took from you. They’re shadows. I’m the only real one. Well, real-ish.”

“What do you mean?”

“Turn around.”

Her limbs don’t want to co-operate. Because I’m afraid of what I might see.

It takes a monumental effort to get to herself to rise, turn inch by inch, raise her eyes past the cracked floorboards. It takes even more to comprehend what she’s seeing.

“Hey, Adora.”

Catra. It’s - Catra.

Catra - but not. Not quite the girl she watched disappear from her memories three years ago. Her eyes are slightly hollower, her hair is shorter, and she’s... dead.

Very obviously dead, too. It’s not like Adora could miss a stab wound in the front of her shirt.

But... but she’s there, she’s standing right in front of her, wearing an infuriatingly familiar half-smile, and she wants to cry -

“Ca... Catra?”

Her smile widens. “That’s me.”

“You’re here,” she whispers, and it comes out as more of a sob. She’s here she’s here she’s here she’s here -

“You’re here,” Catra - Catra - echoes, beaming. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

And Adora can’t do anything except let out a small sobbing noise in response.

“Do you... remember?” she asks softly, hesitantly, hands toying with the fraying hem of her shirt.

Adora shakes her head. “Not... much. I remember knowing you.”

Catra nods carefully. Her form has this odd translucent quality to it; she wonders if touching it would cause her to flicker like a hologram and vanish, only to re-materialise again in another place. “That’s something,” she offers. “Better than I’d hoped for, to be honest.”

Her eyes fix on the torch in Adora’s hand, then flick back up. “I’d put that away if I were you. Light kind of... uh, dispels ghosts. That’s what I am. A ghost.” A smile. “I think.”

Adora stuffs it into her pocket without registering the movement. “H-how -”

“How do ghosts work?” Catra guesses. “Not sure. How am I a ghost? Again, not sure.” She shrugs, as though brushing it off. “It’s been... a long time.”

“I missed you,” she says, in a much smaller voice than she expected. “I missed you so much. I missed - I missed knowing you. I-”

Catra smiles, and the movement causes her face to flicker at the edges, like static. “I missed you too. A lot.”

Adora bites back a sob. “Wha- What happened to you? How did you- ?” She shakes her head, shrugs. “Long story.”

There’s a long moment of silence. Adora catches herself staring at the outline of her form, the trails of half-shadows it leaves on the floorboards. In the half-light, she could almost be real. Alive.

She’s dead. She’s dead. It would hurt less if it wasn’t so clearly her fault.

“And - what about you?” Catra asks, breaking into her thoughts (which is a relief). There’s genuine concern in her eyes, she realises.

She really cares about me. I must’ve cared about her, too - I do care about her. I just - why?

“I... also a long story. I think you know most of it already.” She huffs a laugh, blinking back tears. “More than me, at least.”

Catra nods again, slowly. Her eyes flick up and down, taking everything in like she’s seeing it for the first time. And some sort of realisation crosses them, then fades away as quickly as it came.

“Do you want to... come back?” she asks.

“Come back?”

“Come back. To the house. I could... I could show you what happened. If you want. It’s getting late, and Glimmer’ll be worried about you.”

Despite herself, Adora almost laughs. “You’re worried about me getting in trouble with my roommate for coming home late?”

Catra grins. “I’ve interacted with Sparkles before. She’ll be pissed, trust me.”

Adora smiles too, and for a moment, it could almost be - before again. Before her memories cut off and leave her with a white wall of nothing. Before Catra died.

“I don’t know if I can,” she says softly. “I might be... I might be dreaming, or you’ll be gone when I come back, or -”

“Trust me, I’m not going anywhere,” Catra cuts in. “I kind of can’t.”

She sits down on the floor and crosses her legs, a clear request for Adora to join her. “It’d be easier if I show you now, but I don’t want to make you pass out and have to figure out how to cart your ass back home.”

“Show me what?” Adora breathes. This is it. This is it. I might be able to... to fix things. Finally.

“What happened to me. And what happened to you. It’s a long story, like I said.” She smiles at her, a little sadly, and presses her palms flat against the floorboards as she sits down. Adora wonders vacantly if she can feel it, if her hands are passing through the wood right now, if she’s solid or just a... a ghost.

If she’s really gone.

Thinking about it fills her with an even deeper sense of loss, somehow. She can’t shake the feeling that it’s her fault, even if she knows that’s not true. And it hurts.

For a moment, they sit facing each other under the shattered skylight, and it could almost be - a memory she can’t quite reach. It could almost be just them again, like she knows they were.

“Are you sure you’ll be able handle this now?”

She nods. Once.

Catra gives her a small, sad smile. Her eyes are transparent, filled with guilt and an emotion she can’t quite place.

The room starts to fill with a soft blue light. It creeps up through the floorboards, making the shadows stand upright and wheel towards the fractured ceiling, making Catra seem to glow from within. Adora has to force herself not to stare (then wonders why).

Smoke tendrils begin curling up through the floor beneath them, wrapping around their legs. She swallows her panic in time to see Catra lift her hands from the wood, leaving scorch marks in their wake, and glance encouragingly up at her. It’s... comforting. Familiar.

“Try to relax, okay?”

Adora nods again. “Okay,” she whispers. It’s all she can manage.

The smoke curls up around her torso and expands, filling the entire room with a blue haze. She narrows her eyes against the strengthening glow, closes them entirely - and opens them again when the door swings open and nearly flies off its hinges.

Before she can move, before she can do anything but cry out, Catra’s hands - Catra’s solid, real hands - clamp as gently as possible down on her shoulders. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s not real,” she whispers. “They can’t hurt us again.”

“Again?”

She turns to meet Catra’s eyes, and for the first time since they saw each other, she looks... serious.

“Again.”

And two kids come running through the door.

Adora almost gasps again, because... because it’s her. Her and Catra, covered in mud and soaking wet and shivering, hair in disarray, eyes filled with sheer terror.

As soon as Catra skids in, past Adora slams the door shut, hinges screaming in protest. She watches it happen as though underwater. It feels... it feels familiar. That fear in their eyes - it’s real, and she remembers it. Except she doesn’t.

“Are you okay?”

Past Catra nods, clutching her wrist to her chest. “I’m fine. Are they gone?”

“I don’t think so.” Past Adora jogs over to her and helps her to her feet, smiling faintly. Despite everything, despite the wound at her temple and the blood caked on the hem of her shirt, despite the rain and the terror in her eyes, she’s smiling.

And Adora... remembers.

She remembers everything at once, a hail of flashing images and thoughts and words and feelings. She remembers emotions she didn’t even know she had experienced - burning, horrific grief, loss, missing her so badly she wants to scream at the sky and quite literally burst into flame, choking on sobs in bed - sheer, unending terror, pushed deep down into the centre of her chest, the need to protect, protect her, keep her safe, because she can’t be scared if Catra is -

Someone is calling her name.

Someone is... Catra is calling for her, holding her against her chest as she trembles, whispering her name over and over again in her ear.

“Adora, Adora - “

And Past Catra... Past Catra is bent over on the wood, coughing and crying her name, letting out choking sobs, a hand pressed over the wound in the centre of her chest. The door has been blown open again, letting in the wind and the rain, and Past Adora is gone.

“I’m-” She sits up, which is much more of a struggle than it should be. “I’m here. What happened?”

Catra gives her a concerned look. “You- passed out, I think. I mean, I know I said you would, but I didn’t expect.... this.”

Her voice has begun to distort again, fading into a soft, static hum. The vision, or whatever it was, has begun to flicker and die into nothing, the threads fraying and unravelling until all that’s left is the girl bleeding out in the middle of the room.

Adora detaches herself from Catra’s fading grip as carefully as possible. Because, fuck, the things she remembers-

“You didn’t see half of that, did you?”

She shakes her head. “I didn’t.”

Catra’s face falls slightly. Adora can’t even imagine what the experience was like for her, having to relive her death again for the sake of her memory.

“But I did...” She clears her throat, rests a hand inches away from Catra’s. “I did remember. Everything.”

Her eyes light up from within, something that has nothing to do with the faded blue glow sinking back through the floorboards. “You did?”

Adora nods. The movement makes her head spin. She remembers... everything. Especially falling in love with the girl sitting opposite her, watching her with wide eyes. Especially the - the magic they tried to wield on her to make her forget, to make her immune to loving. And the way she tried to escape, to take Catra with her to keep her out of their reach, and it backfired in the worst way possible. She remembers her memories being stolen from her one by one, sucking the grief out of her until there was nothing left.

Most importantly, she remembers waking up in her bed and feeling for the space where Catra should have been the day after they told her she was dead.

“I did,” she whispers.

Silence stretches out between them, and Adora wonders if they could possibly be thinking about the same thing.

Without saying anything, without thinking twice, she blurts, “I love you.”

Catra’s eyes widen.

“We never said that. When you were alive. I always regretted that. I wanted to tell you, and I never got to, and I’m sorry for that. But, stars, Catra, I love you. I love you.”

She’s staring at her like she’s never seen her before, like she did the night - the night they kissed for the first time, the night she can remember with almost perfect clarity now, the night that was hidden from her for so long -

“Adora -”

“I know it’s been - wow, it’s been years - and I know so much has changed, but I just - I have to tell you that. I have to -”

And Catra laughs. Softly. Her hand comes down and through Adora’s, leaving a wave of - of warmth in its wake, and settles against her palm, and it feels so close to getting to hold her again she swears she could cry again.

“I love you too, idiot.”

#sep texxt #ask #blondhairedgoblin #writing #writing ask #she ra #spop #adora #catra #catradora #tw death #tw death mention #tw gore #tw blood #ask to tag #SHES OUT :D #sep's writing

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anti-catradora-receipts · 3 years

Note

I really, really hate the scene in "Heart, Part 1" in which Catra abandons Adora. It's pretty much a culmination of all my issues with Catradora as a whole. Adora is at her most vulnerable, she needs someone to have her back, she NEEDS a friend to support her, because she's scared and she's tired and she still has to do so much. What does Catra do? She leaves. And when Adora stops and confronts her about it, she verbally abuses Adora. Why? (Part 1)

(Part 2) Because, once again, Catra couldn't handle the fact that not everything in Adora's life revolved around her. And then she has the nerve to guilt-trip Adora for wanting to save everybody, Catra included. from Horde Prime. When Catra herself KNEW what Horde Prime was capable of. But no. Tearing Adora down and almost destroying her emotionally one more time for her own ego was more important than the literal fate of the universe.

Dear @justmenoworries,

Firstly, I just want to talk about your statement here:

“And then she has the nerve to guilt-trip Adora for wanting to save everybody, Catra included.”

In my opinion, you’ve highlighted a really big problem with the writing. I feel that the writers were trying to convey this idea that Adora should value herself and not always be self-sacrificing. But I feel the idea is not presented well in S5. I feel like Adora is somewhat punished for risking her life to save people in S5 and this should not have happened. Adora’s choice was selfless and heroic. And so I feel there were better ways to demonstrate Adora being less self-sacrificing and to indicate that Adora values herself.

...

Secondly, it’s really funny that you brought up your frustration with the scene where Catra leaves Adora in “Failsafe” (S5E11) and the scene where Catra confesses her love for Adora in “Heart Part 1” (S5E12) because I have literally been thinking about these two scenes!

There’s a lot going on in these 2 scenes so I’ll do my best to break them down accordingly.

1) Scene 1

Starting with Part 1 of Scene 1:

Part 1: Firstly, this part relates to a previous scene where Catra overhears Shadow Weaver comment on Catra being “a distraction”:

...

Part 1: So this part indicates that Shadow Weaver’s words affected Catra and influenced Catra’s decision to leave Adora.

Part 2: This part demonstrates how Catra does want what’s best for Adora. Catra wants Adora to be happy and Catra wants Adora to put herself first.

Part 3: However, this part demonstrates that Catra still doesn’t understand that Adora’s choice isn’t because Adora wants to sacrifice her life, rather, Adora is making a choice to save everyone. There is a lot of hypocrisy in this scene, since the very reason Catra is alive is due to the fact that Adora made a choice to risk her own life to save Catra even after Catra tried to murder Adora multiple times during the series.

Part 4: Even though the statement “I don’t have to stay and watch it happen” has a meaning of “I don’t want to watch you die”, the words hold a harshness and the final facial expression is anger. Catra is angry with Adora because Adora is taking a risk that might kill her. But I feel like anger is not the right sentiment here. Adora is scared and making a hard decision to put her life on the line in order to save everyone. Adora needs support and Adora needs love.

Part 5: I feel like this part highlights 3 key points:

- Catra was leaving more because of her own self-dislike and self-doubt rather than just leaving Adora purely out of spite. In this situation, I feel that Shadow Weaver’s words are still affecting Catra.

- Catra doesn’t listen to Adora or trust Adora. Adora is literally on her knees begging for Catra to stay and stating “I need you”. But Catra doesn’t believe what Adora is saying, even though Adora risked everything in order to rescue Catra from Horde Prime.

- Catra doesn’t stay to support Adora when Adora is scared. Even though, at the very beginning of season 5, Catra was scared and asked Adora to stay. And Adora listened to Catra, sympathized with her, and stayed to support Catra even though Catra tried to kill Adora multiple times throughout the show:

...

The main takeaway from this part is that Catra has not processed her trauma related to Shadow Weaver enough to the point where Catra can trust and listen to Adora. And I don’t expect Catra to have processed her trauma! Processing trauma is difficult and takes time. But I just want to present the fact that Catra still needs time to process her trauma because it’s clearly interfering with her relationship with Adora.

In addition, trust and communication are the most basic components of any friendship/relationship, so the fact that Catra’s and Adora’s relationship lacks these key components is very problematic.

2) Scene 2

Now, Scene 2 presents Catra at her most vulnerable, which is indicated by her confession of love for Adora. In addition, Catra’s reasoning for leaving Adora completely changes from Scene 1, which will be demonstrated in the next 3 parts:

...

Part 1: This part shows that Catra still thinks that Adora is choosing Shadow Weaver over her. This is false. Adora’s choices are to help save everyone and Adora previously explained that to her:

Next,

Part 2: This part demonstrates again that Catra doesn’t trust or listen to Adora. Adora literally said “Please stay” and “I need you” in the previous scene (Scene 1).

Part 3: This part further supports that Catra is focused on her wants and her needs. Adora is literally about to sacrifice her life to save everyone and Catra is concerned that Adora doesn’t reciprocate her feelings.

And so there is a stark disconnect between Scene 1 and Scene 2 about Catra’s reasoning for leaving Adora. In Scene 1, Catra leaves because she feels that she is not helpful to Adora ( Adora: “I need you.”, Catra: “No, you don’t. You never have.”) . However, in Scene 2, Catra justifies her choice for leaving Adora by blaming Adora for choosing Shadow Weaver ( Catra: “I told you, I’m not going back. You saw what happened. Adora chose Shadow Weaver, okay? Not me! ) .

So the fact that when Catra is alone and at her most vulnerable, Catra automatically shifts to blaming Adora is actually terrifying. In addition, Catra still does not understand that Adora’s choice to work with Shadow Weaver is a choice to save everyone. And this happened before when Catra was upset that “Adora left her”, but really Adora had left the Horde in order to protect innocent citizens from dying. Catra still doesn’t see the bigger picture of why Adora is making these choices that lead to the ultimate outcome of saving everyone.

Overall, the 2 scenes demonstrate that Catra doesn’t trust or listen to Adora. And Catra still doesn’t understand Adora’s choice to save everyone.

Thus, the 2 scenes are very indicative of the amount of growth and healing Catra still needs to experience before she can enter any romantic relationship.

Thank you again for sharing your frustrations with these scenes and I hope I explained the scenes well! ✨

#anti catradora #anti c//a #spop critical #spop salt #anti-catradora-receipts #i just wanted to say if you're processing trauma #or if you've ever processed trauma #i'm really proud of you #you're doing such a great job #keep going <3

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thebigqueer · 3 years

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Prompt: Catradora in a Camp Half-Blood Au 👀

pawing Adora this one’s for you babe <3 i hope you like this cursed content <3 this is possibly an even more cursed concept than bilco <3333

thank you for the prompt (/s) and as always: i rarely do any editing on these fic prompts, if at all. this won’t be my absolute best work, so please don’t be too judgmental about it!

also welcome to my first catradora fic ig?????? HAHAHAHA

A strong light bears down over the palace floor, glinting off of the shiny metal object in Bow’s hands. He watches over the three girls cautiously, a look of determination in his eyes. Silently, Adora feels as if she’s being tested. She stands straighter in the hopes that she’ll seem more responsible.

Catra’s hand grasps hers, fingertips against fingertips. Adora’s chest warms at the mere feeling of Catra next to her. They’ve only been together for a few weeks, but each touch, each embrace, each word and motion and sound seems like a new story. She smiles, despite knowing that Bow’s watching her.

“Okay,” the archer says, eyes glued to the product in his hands. “So, here’s the plan.” Bow begins to pace, his footsteps lightly tapping against the shiny floor. There’s a nervous edge to him; Adora suspects he’s anxious about the mission.

She reaches out to stop him in his tracks, but Glimmer beats her to it. The queen balances her fingers gently over his shoulder, a smile sparkling over her lips. “Hey, it’ll be cool.”

“What’s going on?” Catra asks, pulling her fingers out of Adora’s grasp. She opts to cross her arms over her chest, pushing a curious yet bored expression over her features. “Why is Nerd Boy over there so anxious?”

Bow stops in his tracks suddenly and sighs. The metal item shivers in his trembling grasp. The light from overhead flashes over his face, illuminating a look Adora knows so well: feral, anxious excitement.

A small smile covers his face. “Okay, so I was doing some experimenting, and I got Entrapta to work on this with me. We were talking about that portal thing that Hordak had made a while ago.”

For a moment, he pauses, a darkness sweeping over his eyes. Adora’s heart stutters by the sudden mention of the fateful day. Catra looks away as a flush blows through her cheeks. A shiver takes over the four in the room.

I almost lost her, Adora thinks in despair. Her fingers itch for Catra’s again, just wanting to make sure she’s really here, that she’s really alive and breathing and really, really Adora’s.

Thankfully, as if understanding Adora’s silent request, Catra slips her fingers into hers again.

Bow clears his throat. “Uh, anyway. We got to thinking... what if there are other realities? Things outside of our own universe?” Excitement seeps into his voice and his eyes glimmer with energy. He’s practically bursting through his seams. Adora can’t help but to smile; she’s just happy to have things go back to their normal, casual ways.

Catra groans. “Oh, god, are you serious? Another alternative-reality thing? Didn’t we already live through enough of those for a life time?”

Bigger holds his hands out in a placating gesture, tipping his head. “Yes, technically, we have. But... I think this is going to be so cool! I think we figured out the logistics of it, and we made this little...” He gestures vaguely at the item in his hands, then shrugs. “I don’t know what to call it. I’ll need to come up with a name later. But the point is that I want you guys to adventure into it.”

“What?” Catra shrieks, her voice cracking. The fur over her arms stands on end as she stares at Bow, an astonished look coming over her feline features. “You want us to go?”

“Look, I know it sounds bad, but-”

“Absolutely not!” she protests, stamping her foot down on the floor. A frustration creeps over her as she steps towards Bow, jabbing her finger in his direction. “Didn’t we just go through a whole universe-ending ordeal with Horde Prime? What do you think this will do to us?”

“Okay, I know it doesn’t sound very promising,” Bow admits, his eyes tense with understanding, “but just trust me. I think this would be really important to future negotiations.”

“Let me guess,” Catra mutters, rolling her eyes, “you want us to try it out?”

All of a sudden, Bow drops to his knees, hands glued together as if praying to the girls. “Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?” he pleads, a pout on his lips. “We have backups ready for you! If anything goes wrong, I’ll teach you what to do. We’ll still be in contact, so you can easily tell us if something’s up and we’ll bring you back.”

Catra merely scoffs as if the entire idea is wasteful of her time. She stares at Adora, her blue and yellow eyes peering at her as if asking if she can even believe all this. “Adora, what do you say? Should we do it?”

Adora will admit, there’s a bubble of excitement in her chest billowing up. As much as she loves that things are more relaxed now, she’s getting bored; she’s going after new adventures but has found none. This entire plan may be stupid, but she’s willing to do it anyway.

Catra, watching her features shift from curiosity to excitement, groans. “Of course. I knew you’d want to do something stupid like this.”

“Hey!” Adora protests, leaning towards her. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I want to go, though.” She steps closer to Catra, a mischievous smile stretching across her mouth. “I won’t force you to do anything, but I’m just saying... If you come with me, we get to have some more time together.” She raises her eyebrow. “You know, like old times. Do some trouble around the place.”

Adora knows it isn’t fair of her to use their past together to convince Catra to come with her, but she really wants to do this with her. It’ll be their first adventure together in forever.

After a moment’s of hesitation, Catra sighs. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

About an hour later, the girls stand in the palace grounds courtyard. Darkness spills over the sky, fighting a battle with the golden light seeping from the palace.

Bow hands Adora the metal item, gesturing to the several buttons as he instructs, “Press this one when I tell you to. Then press this one when you get there. I don’t know where it will take you exactly, but if my math is right, it’ll be a little bit far from here. Don’t worry.”

Adora found that ironic, since Bow looks plenty worried.

He swallows, eyes shaking, then keeps going. “Okay, and if you need help or need to contact us, just press this.” He gestures to a small red button on the side of the box. “We should be able to communicate at any point. And this thing can last hours, so don’t worry too much.”

Catra shivers next to Adora, a pout over her lips. “I still don’t like this plan.”

“You could easily step out of it,” Adora points out, nudging her. She grins. “But you love me, so that’s stopping you, isn’t it?”

“Shut up,” Catra grumbles.

Bow clears his throat. “If you guys are done...”

The blonde girl throws her arm around Catra, feeling the other girl’s warmth under her skin. Catra pretends to struggle but Adora doesn’t miss the way she leans into her. A glowing smile blooms against her lips.

“Okay, now, press that button on my count,” Bow informs, nodding towards the metal box in Adora’s hands.

Her stomach flutters with nervousness, beating and battering against her insides. It seems that only moments ago she was prepared for this, but now, with her friends staring at her, with this cool metal in her hands, she feels only a dread.

But she pushes through that. She bites her bottom lip and nods. Slipping her fingers through Catra’s again, she tips her head at Bow. “Let’s do it.”

Bow counts down from three, his voice trembling. Catra’s muscles tense under Adora’s fingers, but she keeps holding on.

“Three,” he mutters, “two.... one!”

Adora presses the large blue button on the box. The world disintegrates around her.

If Adora could explain the experience, all she could say is that it’s crazy. That’s it. Because she can’t really remember anything except for the whirlwind of chaos, the vibrant purple of the hole in the universe, the speed of being thrown across dimensions.

It feels as though it’s been hours and microseconds at the same time; time doesn’t exist but surrounds her. Her body stretches out and shrinks in, her very cells tingling with pain.

And then, all of a sudden, it stops. Catra crashes into her, and together they slam against something hard. Adora’s body bursts with pain with the sudden contact. Nausea roils in her stomach and she feels as though she’s still hurtling through the abyss.

The faint murmurs of voices drift into her ears, but she can barely understand them. Pain washes over her in waves and she only lets them crash against her. She’s too exhausted to move.

Catra shuffles next to her, groaning. A faint breeze brushes past Adora, its calmness significantly more relaxing than the pain still racking her body.

It takes her a few moments before the world stops spinning out of her control. Another groan spills from her and she rubs her head. She absorbs the cool breeze in the hopes that it will calm her.

Her eyelids flutter, dapples of light spilling into her eyes. She’s momentarily blinded by the golden rays, but after pawing at her eyes, they adjust to the brightness. Green trees surround her, practically glowing in the light. Grass scratches underneath her palms.

“Where are we?” Catra mutters next to her, slowly sitting up.

“I don’t know...” Adora admits. Her brain feels fuzzy, static, confused. She feels as though she’s still trapped in-between dimensions.

Voices drift through her ears again, and she turns. A scream almost escapes from somewhere deep within her chest when she realizes the amount of beings standing by, watching her and Catra.

Catra gasps and scrambles next to her, her breathing ragged. The beings stare at the two girls in their own shock as well.

“Is that a... cat girl?” a blond boy asks, his voice dripping with amusement.

Another person steps forward, their dark hair sweeping over their eyes. They’re clouded over with something dark, something deep. They seem as though they’ve seen a lot of things.

“It’s coming,” he says. “The universes are colliding.”

#chaotic tag #asks #im NOT proud of this one #mostly because im in a discord call at the same time so i havent been able to focus lmaooo #sorry chaotic #catradora #catra #adora #adora x catra #catra x adora #rick riordan #riordanverse #my writing #riordanverse fanfic #riordanverse fic #fic prompts #fic prompt #she ra and the princesses of power #spop

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enbies-and-felonies · 3 years

Text

Valentine’s day gift

@luminousrunes :)) for you!!

Valentine’s Day -Catradora

caps is the only warning that applies <3

“Hey Glimmer,” Catra studied her claws as she leaned against the doorframe to Glimmer’s room. She smirked at the indignant noise Glimmer made at seeing her there. Catra hadn’t exactly been ‘invited’.... or even let in to her house.

“You do know I have a phone right? That you can text me on?? AND TELL ME WHEN YOU’RE COMING OVER?!” Glimmer frowned and put her fists on her hips, but Catra just rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Yeah yeah, it’s good to see you too.”

Glimmer frowned harder for a second, but then gave a long suffering sigh and gave Catra a quick hug.

“So why have you decided to torment this fine evening?” She asked over her shoulder as she walked into her room. At least Catra hadn’t gone in there without permission.

“Well,” Catra responded, flouncing into the room and flopping onto the bed, kicking her feet up, “As you might know, tomorrow is Valentine’s day.” Her voice trailed off and Glimmer glanced over at her from where she was rummaging in her drawers.

“Yeah, and?” She prompted.

Catra sighed and then blurted out, “Tomorrow’s Valentine’s day and I don’t know what to do for Adora.” Glimmer turned around and raised an eyebrow.

“So... you’re asking me to help?”

Catra glowered and flicked her ears back, “No! Well... yeah. Yeah I am.” She flipped over and buried her face into Glimmer’s covers.

“I don’t know what to doooo,” She mumbled angrily.

Glimmer rolled her eyes again, but smiled affectionately.

“Okay, I’ll help. This once.”

Catra paced anxiously as she waited for Adora to come out of the room where she was getting ready. Logically she knew Glimmer (okay, it was mostly Bow) was smart and was probably right about Adora liking this, but then again... Catra and Adora had had a really rough patch when they were young, and Catra felt like she was always one wrong move from being not worth it for Adora.

And then Adora was opening the door and Catra’s mind blanked. It wasn’t exactly so much that Adora’s outfit was stunning, it was just that it was Adora, and she never failed to stop Catra’s heart in its tracks.

Adora had her hair in a messy bun, undercut clearly showing, with barely any make-up, just some eyeliner to accentuate her bright eyes. Her outfit was a red crop top with white hemming, showing off her muscled arms, paired with high-waisted, black skinny-jeans finished off with red and white high-top converse.

But the real reason Catra’s mind had screeched to a halt in a wonderful example of Gay Panic™? Adora’s eyes were shiny and crinkling at the edges, and she was smiling that stupid dopey smile she reserved only for Catra.

‘oh,’ Catra’s mind supplied, and she swallowed twice before managing to breath out her signature “Hey Adora.” Adora grinned back and linked her arm through Catra’s, pressing a kiss to the top of Catra’s head.

“Hey darling,” Adora replied, and Catra let out a rumbly sigh that sounded suspiciously like a purr before leading Adora to their waiting car.

Adora crowed with laughter as they drove slowly back home, the sunset behind them lighting the road ahead with beautiful golds, reds, and oranges, colouring the leaves on the trees beside them with faux flames.

The two of them had gone to a lazer-tag arena (which they had gotten kicked out of after only three rounds, even though Catra swore she hadn’t cheated by sniping from the rafters), went out to dinner at their favourite diner and shared a milkshake, and then began their roundabout way home.

“-and then I said ‘I look like an intoxicated furry!!’“ Catra finished her story, and decided that maybe watching the road wasn’t that important as long as she got to see the way Adora clutched at her stomach with tears streaming down her face, laughing like Catra was the funniest person alive.

“That was- that was-” Adora struggled to breathe through her laughter, “That was hilarious!” She finally managed, wiping away a tear. “Thank you Catra, that was beautiful.”

Catra smiled at her girlfriend, feeling her heart melt at her affectionate expression.

“Yeah, well... tonight was really nice. Thank you for coming.”

Adora lightly punched her in the arm.

“Are you kidding? Tonight was incredible,” She gestured wide to make her point and Catra’s smile grew wider, if not more bashful.

“Really?”

Adora leaned over and pressed a kiss to Catra’s cheek, almost causing her to swerve off the road.

“Really,” She promised.

#its the glimmer and catra friendship for me #catradora #catra #glimmer #adora #She-Ra #She Ra #SPOP #s-pop #bow #felony writes shit #My writing #modern au #tw caps #tw bold text

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horde-princess · 4 years

Text

Death With Dignity

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Catra reflects on her redemption and the sacrifices of angella and shadow weaver (and kisses her girlfriend 😌😌). Inspired in a major way by @catradora‘s beautiful illustration of catra gazing up at a mural of angella 💘

1. monarch

Bells echoed quietly through the halls of the Bright Moon palace. It was four in the morning and Adora’s arm was draped protectively over Catra, her chest rising and falling against her back, heartbeat slow. If they were back in the Horde, the rhythm of it would’ve been fluttery and anxious. But in recent weeks an era of peace had settled over Etheria, and maybe especially over its destined hero. Her calling fulfilled, her new life beginning… Sometimes Catra let herself dream of it, too. Finding peace.

read on ao3

She quietly slipped out of Adora’s arms, careful not to wake her. She’d had a lot of practice the past couple of weeks, which should probably worry her, but if there was something bothering Catra she couldn’t bring herself to admit it... too afraid of watching Adora’s love shatter in her hands like a fragile glass illusion that was never really hers.

Adora stirred in her sleep and her fist hit Catra’s pillow before she relaxed again. Catra flinched. It was hard to look away from her, a living mosaic of everything she found terrifying and breathtaking. The way the moonlight kissed her skin, the curve of her shoulder. When tears blurred her vision enough that she could barely make out the form of her anymore, Catra turned to leave.

Walking the halls at night, she found an intimacy with Bright Moon that evaded her during the day. The bright colors were dimmed in shadow, there were no curious faces--or suspicious ones. Just the same few guards who had gotten used to her nighttime wanderings. While the palace was full of beautiful paintings and murals like nothing Catra had ever seen, there was one in particular that she kept coming back to every night. She stood before it and gazed up in child-like wonder.

Queen Angella… The former ruler of Bright Moon--or, as Catra knew her, the Horde’s number one enemy--loomed above, a masterful work of art set with colorful stones, gems, painted glass. Occasionally, light from the torches would refract through it a certain way and almost make her seem to come alive. Wings glittered as though moving in a breeze, giving her a divine essence. The larger than life depiction did little to discourage the way Catra had mythologized her in her mind.

A mother, a warrior, an immortal queen… and the reason Catra found herself gazing into soft blue eyes every morning.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?”

A voice from down the hall tore Catra from her thoughts and set her heart racing. She automatically assumed a soldier’s stance, the way she was taught to show respect in the Horde.

“King Micah?--” Her breath caught in her throat.

It had been two weeks since Micah had learned the truth about Angella’s sacrifice. She hadn’t dared ask for forgiveness. Not even as the days passed and Catra wasn’t able to eat, or sleep, or be of much use to anyone, really. Glimmer kept saying he just needed time.

Micah approached slowly, keeping his eyes fixed on the mural. He was dressed all in white, the traditional Etherian color for mourning, which drew attention to his sunken cheeks, the dark circles under his eyes. He came to stand beside Catra, who watched him warily before also returning her gaze to Angella. She could hear her own pulse in her ears.

“Just Micah, now,” he corrected after a moment. “My days of ruling have long ended.”

His voice was gravelly, tired. Catra guessed he wasn’t sleeping much either.

“Y-yes, sir.”

They settled into an uncomfortable silence as the queen looked down upon them, in all her dignity.

“I’ll admit…” Micah cleared his throat. “When Glimmer told me what happened, I… Well, I’m sorry. For the way that I reacted.”

A wave of nausea swept over Catra. She clenched her fists, feeling mortified.

“No. I deserved it.”

She could feel Micah’s eyes on her but kept looking straight ahead.

“Did you ever meet her?” he asked.

Catra tried to think, sorting through a dusty bookshelf of painful memories.

“I… I saw her once,” she whispered. “During the Battle of Bright Moon, she was… defending the Moonstone. But not really, no.”

Micah nodded thoughtfully, then smiled.

“And she always said I was the brave one.”

Mesmerized by the artwork, memories continued to pull at Catra… Glimmer breaking down in tears, Adora and Bow’s restrained anger when they asked Catra to leave. The three of them sharing stories about what a loving mother Angella was, what a strong leader. Adora hugging herself as she relayed the details of what exactly happened in the portal that day. How Angella sacrificed herself to save everyone.

How she sacrificed herself to save Adora.

To save her from... Catra.

From her own monstrous, vile, misplaced wrath.

Catra realized tears were streaming down her face.

Too overwhelmed with shame to stand any longer under the queen’s scrutiny, she fell to her knees, as if in supplication. She barely registered Micah’s concerned hand on her shoulder.

“I--I owe her everything,” Catra wept. “I can’t make up for it, I’m so sorry… I’m so, so sorry…”

Before she knew what was happening Micah had knelt down and wrapped his arms around her and she was falling apart, shaking like a child. She didn’t know how long she cried but at the end of it his white gown was washed completely by her tears.

“You’re forgiven, Catra,” he murmured into her hair, and she could only shake her head, trying to hold back another sob.

“Why do you even care about me?”

Micah sighed. “The same reason my daughter does: you’re trying to make things right.”

He leaned back to gently rest his hand on Catra’s cheek, encouraging her to meet his eyes. The kindness in them was terrible, burning.

“And wherever she is, I know that Angella forgives you, too.”

Somehow, Catra actually believed him. Not because she could ever be worthy of it, but... because it's who Angella was.

Micah offered her his hand. She hesitated, then accepted it. He pulled her to her feet and they continued to study the artwork together, side by side. Catra felt like she could stare at it for hours. Truthfully, she had.

“I wish I could’ve known her,” she confessed. “Everyone tells me how kind she was. And giving. Nothing like--”

Catra wasn’t sure where she was going with that train of thought.

“Like Shadow Weaver?” Micah guessed.

The name was like rusty nails scraping out Catra’s insides. She didn’t say anything more. But Micah placed a hand on Catra’s shoulder and she felt some kind of unspoken understanding pass between them.

“Let’s take the day off tomorrow,” he said suddenly, a mischievous lilt to his voice.

Catra squinted at him, though it was a relief to see his cheerful demeanor returning.

“What? We have the reparations meeting--”

“I need a break from this political stuff,” Micah complained. "Whaddya say, be my partner in crime? Besides, you’re the only one who can translate for Melog--I’ve been dying to ask how they manipulate light waves with magic to--”

“Okay, okay! Fine,” Catra chuckled. “I guess… It could be nice to take a break from everyone.”

“That’s the spirit!” He mussed up her hair a little. “I’ll make a rebel out of you yet.”

Oh, man. Between Micah, George, Lance… Dads really were all the same.

“Now why don’t you get some rest, kiddo.”

He said it so gently, and Catra couldn't believe it. How far down into her darkness the light of one person’s forgiveness could reach.

“King--I mean, Micah… Thank you. For everything.”

Micah smiled fondly.

“You’re welcome.”

She glanced up at Angella one last time and could’ve sworn she saw a smile reflected in the stones.

Catra started to head back to her room, but something stopped her just after she turned the corner. She peeked around it and watched Micah step up to the mural of his wife.

He touched his forehead to the wall and let out a long, heavy sigh.

“I miss you, my love.”

When Catra returned to Adora’s arms, exhaustion nearly overtook her for the first time in weeks, but she fought it and stayed awake all night just to listen to the sound of her breathing.

2. mother

It was strange, being back in Mystacor. The place held nothing but terrifying memories.

Catra, she… distracts you. Confuses you. Haven’t you hurt each other enough?

Shadow Weaver is sacrificing you! Why can’t you see that?!

It doesn’t always have to be you!

Catra stood from the table abruptly. The other dinner guests stared at her with alarm and Adora met her eyes from across the hall.

“Are you okay?” she mouthed.

Catra plastered on a smile to address the room.

“Sorry!--I just... remembered something, you’ll have to excuse me.”

She rushed out of the banquet hall and leaned against the wall outside, heart pounding. She forced herself to take a deep breath in. Then out. In, out. Huh. Maybe Perfuma wasn’t as crazy as she thought. They’d been away from home for a couple weeks, traveling and attending parties and helping rebuild kingdoms. It wasn’t that Catra wasn’t enjoying herself, it’s just that she hadn’t had much time to process… well, everything.

She peered down the long corridor, thinking a walk might help clear her head--and that’s when she saw it.

The statue.

The likeness was so uncanny it sent her into fight or flight mode. But Catra had decided a while ago that she was done running.

Her footsteps echoed in the cavernous silence until she stood directly in front of it. The marble glistened in the warm moonlight streaming in through the windows, and it stood tall among its peers in the Hall of Sorcerers--prideful, stoic, severe, and far too much like the woman Catra had once known. A shiver ran down her spine and she struggled for breath as though the air near the statue was thin, all the oxygen around it sucked out. Lifeless eyes stared forward, her gaze passing indifferently over Catra’s head.

I’m so proud of you, Catra.

Her hands were shaking and she clenched them into fists. Blood trickled from her palms to the floor. She shut her eyes but couldn’t suppress it, the rage, the disgust, it burst out of her from some dark and emaciated fragment of her heart--

“I hate you! I will never forgive you!”

The threat fell on ears of stone. Her body slackened. Lips quivering, tasting metal, her voice shook with anger.

“I don’t care if you helped save her... I will never forgive you.”

It was the one thing Catra held over her, the one birthright she’d ever possessed--to deny her absolution. Even in death.

Especially in death.

At least you admit she’s evil.

You’re one to talk, aren’t you?

Catra gripped her head in her hands, trying to force the memory out, trying not to scream. But wasn’t there truth in it? Wasn’t she a hypocrite? How could she accept others’ forgiveness yet withhold her own?

You expect me to believe you had a change of heart in the end?! Catra wanted to scream at her. That you actually cared if we survived? If I survived?

She glared up at the statue’s face, the veil concealing her mouth.

ANSWER ME!

“Catra?”

All the fire drained out of her when she heard Adora call her name.

Hurried footsteps, then hands grabbing at her shoulders, her wrists.

“Catra!--What--You’re bleeding--”

Catra collapsed against her, sinking into the warmth of Adora’s embrace. Her chest burned but she had no tears left. Not for her. She could only gasp breathlessly against Adora’s shoulder.

“Shh, I’m here, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“It’s not fair,” was all she could get out. “It’s not fair!”

“You know, it used to be all dirty. Scratched up.”

Catra hummed, more focused on Adora playing with her fingers than on her words. They sat against the wall opposite the statue. Her skin was stained red from the blood on Catra’s hands.

“I guess Castaspella had it refurbished, after... well.”

“She should’ve thrown it out the window,” Catra said through gritted teeth. “Less effort.”

She could hear the disagreement in Adora’s responding sigh but she didn’t say anything.

“What? You think she deserves to be honored?” she snapped.

“No! Of course not. But... if it wasn’t for her…”

Catra pulled her hand away and rose to her feet. Adora followed after her.

“One good thing doesn’t make up for her ruining our lives!”

“You think I don’t know that?” Adora exclaimed. “I watched her hurt you over and over and couldn’t do anything about it!”

Catra started, her anger dissipating as quickly as it had come. She felt like she was a kid again, back in the Fright Zone, terrified and insecure and every stupid thing that ever happened to her was Adora’s fault, except it wasn’t. Not at all.

She knew Shadow Weaver had hurt Adora, too. They’d talked about it a lot. Why she was always chasing some destiny and throwing herself into danger with no hesitation. But Catra hadn’t told her everything from her perspective, not yet.

“You don’t even know the half of it,” Catra mumbled, feeling contrite for some reason.

Adora’s eyes filled with torment and a darkness Catra hadn’t known she was capable of.

She reached out for her hesitantly and when Adora didn’t back away Catra drew her close and cradled her face with both hands.

“Hey. I love you,” she said softly.

Adora hung her head and squeezed her eyes shut but the tears leaked out anyway.

Running her thumbs along her cheeks to dry them, Catra brushed her mouth tenderly over Adora’s forehead. Steady arms slipped around her waist and held onto her tightly and Adora tilted her face back up, hopeless, longing. Catra felt something almost holy running in her veins as their lips met and Adora’s kiss was warm, slow--too slow, making Catra’s temperature rise, and she didn’t know how long she could hide the truth of how desperate she was for her. But then a gentle glow behind her eyelids turned blinding and suddenly an explosive crack echoed down the hall.

Catra jumped and opened her eyes to see both of them enveloped in magic.

“...Whoa,” she breathed, slightly lightheaded.

Adora was staring up at the statue in shock and she followed her gaze. As the dust settled, Catra saw the veil hiding its face had been violently ripped off, leaving nothing behind except vacant eyes and splintering cracks in the stone that ran from her hairline to her jaw.

They stood together in silence, Catra hanging with a hand on Adora’s shoulder.

Light Spinner, whoever she was, had been mangled, torn away… This was the woman who had raised them. The weaver of their shadows.

Catra coughed a little from the dust and laced her fingers with Adora’s again.

“Not sure Castaspella will like your remodel,” she tried to joke.

“Who cares,” Adora muttered. “Shadow Weaver chose her path. She wanted to be a hero... but she won’t be remembered as one.”

The set of her jaw was rigid, resolute.

“You can’t forgive her either, can you?”

“No. I--I don’t know. One day, maybe.”

One day seemed like a lofty goal to Catra. The unspeakable suffering she’d inflicted on her, on both of them... yet she always had some twisted justification. As if she believed her intentions were good.

I just wanted to prepare you for the world. I wanted you to be strong.

Tears filled Catra’s eyes as she observed the damaged sculpture, but they didn’t fall.

“Before she died… She said she was proud of me.”

She sensed Adora looking at her, analyzing. Like she was trying to decide how to respond. Catra could guess what was going through her head. I'm proud of you. You should be proud of yourself.

“For what?” she settled on instead.

“Who knows.” Catra thought for a moment. “For not ending up like her, probably.”

Adora brushed her hair back from her forehead. Her hand trailed down her neck and came to rest over her heart.

“You were never like her.”

“Come on, Adora,” Catra nearly begged. “The things I’ve done, I was so angry...”

“Because you were hurting--because you cared, so much, and people just threw it away, I--” she stopped, misery etched on her face. Catra looked down, wincing. “But Shadow Weaver? She was just selfish. How could there have been room in her heart for anyone when she took up so much space herself.”

Catra let out a shaky breath. This day, this whole trip had been so draining. She leaned into Adora for support who wrapped an arm around her.

“If she hadn’t teleported me to the Heart...” her voice fell to a whisper. “I would’ve lost you forever.”

“I know... When I heard you scream, fighting that monster…”

Catra shivered from the memory.

The sculpture towered over them, unhearing, uncaring.

“Adora?”

“Hm?”

“Do you... Do you think the only reason she went back to save me was to make sure you set the magic free?”

Adora frowned like she had already thought about it.

“I think… I want to believe… there was some part of her that wanted us both to be happy.”

The image flickered in her mind of Shadow Weaver removing her mask, allowing them a glimpse of her face for the first time since they were kids. Her scars, her sins laid bare for them to see.

It’s too late for me. But you… this is only the beginning for you.

Catra gazed upon the marred face of her abuser, her mentor--her mother, for all intents and purposes, though she couldn’t bring herself to actually associate her with the word--and something restful settled in her heart. Not peace, not exactly. Just a sense of calm.

Because her and Adora, they were finally free.

She held Adora closer and nuzzled her ear.

“Well, whatever she wanted from us… it doesn’t matter. We get to write our own happy ending now.”

A smile blossomed across Adora’s face.

“You think you’re my happy ending, huh?”

“Whatever,” Catra scoffed. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t come back from the dead just to kiss me.”

She grinned and started to lean in, but Adora pushed her off with a groan.

“Are you ever gonna let it go? That was one time!”

“And for some reason, it’s always funny--”

Adora cut her off with a kiss and yeah, Catra had the feeling that everything was going to be okay. She laughed breathlessly and leaned her forehead against Adora’s.

“Can we go home now?” she pleaded.

“Ugh, I thought you’d never ask.”

#bc i had too many feelings after season 5 😭😭#she ra #catradora #angella #yes i did listen to sufjan stevens while writing this.. the song from the title and wallowa lake monster were on repeat #the lyrics ''she gave us one last feature; the fullness of her face'' rly get to me...#also praying by kesha #ALWAYS praying by kesha #my-fics

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lesbianshipnation · 4 years

Text

Hey everyone!

I’ve been waiting to make a post about my thoughts about She-Ra because it’s been so much to take in, I almost don’t believe it’s real.

But I saw a post that really upset me today so here it goes.

If you think headcanoning Catra and Adora as lesbians is inherently biphobic, please just unfollow me.

First and foremost I want to say, I don’t care if you headcanon them as bi. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest to each their own. If it makes you feel seen and represented, go for it!

What does bother me is that post reeks of lesphobia. It is very upsetting to finally really feel represented by something and then have someone tell you you’re a terrible person for not seeing it their way when both characters don’t have confirmed sexualities, other than they are interested in women.

Do you know what kind of representation we as lesbians get most of the time? Because I’ll just tell you. It’s highly sexualized, it is dehumanizing, it is typically made for cis-het men. And when it isn’t they kill one or both of us. Because lesbians can’t be alive and happy according to Hollywood. It is rare that I see something so moving and powerful as She-Ra and Catradora. I can’t tell you a single other time I felt so seen by something that I was brought to tears while hysterically laughing. I can’t tell you another time where I sat there and had to tell myself over and over again that it was real. That this really happened to me, that I got to live long enough to see this.

People saying this kind of thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It is one thing to crave representation and see yourself in these characters and headcanon them as your sexuality. It is another to blatantly disrespect lesbians and call us biphobic when a literal lesbian created this show and the interpretation of these characters. When I literal lesbian fought for this show to become reality.

So please ask yourselves before you call people biphobic for seeing them as lesbians: do I need to evaluate my bias against lesbians? Because most of the time when bi people come forward I completely understand where they’re coming from. But this is one of those times that reminds me of all the straight people who cannot fathom me not liking men and shaming me for it. This reminds me of people I’ve met who act like my sexuality isn’t “enlightened” or that I’m not “open enough”. That I will realize that my identity isn’t real or valid miraculously.

Please, as someone who loves this fandom, be kind to each other. And for the love of god stop invalidating lesbians. We are real and we matter.

#catradora #catra #adora #she-ra #she-ra spoilers #lesphobia #biphobia #emotional rant #stop invalidating lesbians #lesbians

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creacherkeeper · 4 years

Note

Catradora + A kiss for each year alive.

ao3

“Hey.”

Adora jumped, looking away from the window. Catra cut a sharp silhouette with the light from the hall behind her, leaning against the doorframe with arms crossed and tail flicking.

Adora took a moment to drink in the way the dark suit fell against Catra’s body. She’d seen her in a suit before. A few times, now. But she never stopped enjoying it.

After a moment, Catra shifted away, crossing the unused bedroom towards Adora.

“You slipped away,” she murmured, stopping a few feet away from the window seat Adora had draped herself into. She tilted her head, giving her a considering look. “It’s been a while. Thought I’d come find you before Sparkles got it in her head to.”

“Thanks,” Adora said, shooting her the best smile she could muster. “Just got a little overwhelmed.”

Even from this far away, tucked in a disused hall in the far end of the castle, Adora could hear the distant call of thumping music and shouting voices.

Catra quirked a grin. “Ragers not really your thing?”

A small laugh pulled from her chest. “Not really.”

The grin dropped as Catra continued to look at her. Self-consciously, Adora wiped away her fallen tears.

“If you want, I can go back and tell them you got too drunk and I had to take you to bed.”

“What,” Adora asked, bottom lip trembling traitorously, “I’m not allowed to bail on my birthday?”

Catra blew out a dramatic sigh, considering, as she leaned against the wall, arms crossed. “Well … I’ll allow it.” She shot Adora a sly look. “With some convincing.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“Now, Glimmer, on the other hand …” Catra shook her head, ignoring Adora’s comment. “I’m not sure we can go at that straight on. There may need to be a heist of some sort involved.”

“Oh, a heist. You’ve always loved a good heist.”

“Ignoble. Dramatic. Classy. Roguish. What’s not to love?” She smirked briefly, but the expression soon found its way back to concerned. Her tail flicked behind her, smooth then sharp, smooth then sharp. “The offer stands, though,” she continued, dropping her voice, “if you want me to tell them you’re not coming back.”

Adora pulled a breath through her nose, her eyes going blurry with tears. She bit her tongue against them, and they didn’t fall. Her shoulders rose and fell in a shrug.

Catra was quiet for a long few moments. Then, she lifted her foot to tap against the base of the window seat.

“Mind if I join you?”

Adora swallowed. She wiped at her eyes, teeth still held fast around her tongue, but she did scoot over until there was room.

Catra sat opposite her, her legs stretching out parallel to Adora’s. She turned for a while to look out the window, up at the stars that peppered the dark sky. When Adora didn’t speak, merely watched with her, Catra finally dropped her hand to Adora’s leg and squeezed.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

“No,” Adora quickly responded.

Catra clicked her tongue. “See, that wasn’t supposed to be your answer. You’re supposed to reward me for being so considerate by telling me what’s going on.”

She knew it was a joke, even if a half-hearted one. It was meant to be funny, teasing at worst. Still, Adora couldn’t help the bitter words that drew out of her.

“Well, life doesn’t always go how you expect.”

Catra’s brows furrowed. She watched her steadily, then blew out a breath.

“Well, that’s maybe something to unpack.”

Adora shook her head, arms wrapping around her stomach. “It’s stupid. Forget I said anything.”

Catra’s foot knocked against her side.

“Is this about your birthday?”

“No, I’m just sitting in a guest room crying by myself and staring at the stars and it’s not related to the fact that all of my friends and loved ones are celebrating my birthday downstairs.”

Catra hummed. “That makes sense. It was stupid I thought they were related. Well, if there is anything bothering you, you’re just going to have to come out and say it, because clearly, I can’t put it together by myself. I haven’t reached the ‘Adora mind-reading powers’ level of my therapy sessions yet. Those come with powers, right? That’s why I’m doing those?”

Adora huffed a laugh, wiping away some of her tears. “I’m sorry. I’m being such an ass.”

“A bit. Not a pretty look on you, princess.”

Adora laughed again, letting her head fall against the window. Her expression dropped, and she reached up to wipe her face again.

“So, are you actually going to tell me what’s wrong? Or are we just going to sit here looking gloomy for the rest of the night?”

Adora shrugged, her gaze turning back out the window. “It’s nothing. It’s not even worth it.”

A sharp pinch.

Adora yelped.

“Catra!”

Catra’s lips quirked as she smoothed over the red skin of Adora’s leg with her thumb.

“Every time you say something real dumb, you get pinched. You want to try again?”

“You can’t have learned that from Perfuma.”

“Oh, absolutely not. This would horrify her. Unfortunately for you, Perfuma is drunk off her ass and was making out with Scorpia, last I checked. Which means it’s just you and me.” Her thumb circled again, with just a bit of nail, this time. “So, you want to try that again?”

Adora shook her head, a hint of a smile on her lips. “Dick.”

“I’m waiting.”

Adora swallowed, her eyes falling closed. The glass was cool against the side of her head, grounding her. She circled her arms around herself tighter, chin dimpling as she tried to say what needed to be said.

“Do you ever feel like …” Her throat tightened, and she had to take a breath before she could continue. “Do you ever feel like- like maybe, you’re just … not supposed to be here?”

Catra was quiet for a moment, but her thumb continued to stroke irritated skin.

“Pretty often,” she admitted softly. “It’s better, now. But … this castle. These friends. Roaming space and spreading magic. It’s not how I thought my life would turn out.”

Adora felt her throat go hot as tears trickled down her cheeks.

“That’s not what I meant.”

The thumb stopped.

“What did you mean, then?”

“Do you ever—” An inhale—quick, wet. “-feel like you not supposed to be here? Like, at all. Like, just—” Her hands rose and waved in the air, a short slice.

“Adora.”

“I’m 21 today.” Her eyes finally opened, and even through the wet, she could see Catra’s quiet worry. “And I really never thought that- I didn’t think I would make it this far. I really- I never- And now what? Now I’m- I’m here, and … what for? What’s the- the purpose of me now? The war is over, everyone’s safe, there’s no more fight, and I’m just … still …” She shrugged. “Here.”

She blinked, and the held tears escaped from her eyes. She could see, clearly now, that Catra’s eyes had flooded with their own.

“Why would you be anywhere else?”

Adora sighed, a short breath through her nose. She looked down, eyebrows scrunching.

“I just … I didn’t plan for this. I never accounted for … just … I don’t know. This. Just living, like this, and everything that means. I never … I don’t know what to do with that.”

“Do you—” Catra shifted, not looking at her. “-wish that you weren’t? Here, still.”

“I didn’t—” Adora shook her head, wiping under her eyes. “I didn’t say that.”

Catra sighed, leaning her head against the wall behind her. “Okay.”

“I’m not … Today just brought up a lot of weird feelings, that’s all. I’m just a little confused. I’m not going to do anything.”

Catra nodded, staring at the cross of Adora’s arms over her stomach.

“It wasn’t …” Catra had to stop, clearing her throat. “It wasn’t about the fighting all the time, right? I know we were raised with the war, but … There were a lot of times in there where … where you were just Adora. And those times were just as important.”

Adora’s stomach twisted. She moved her head in a nod. “Yeah. But it’s … hard to remember that, sometimes.”

“Well. Maybe you need a reminder.”

She stared at Catra as mismatched eyes slid to hers. Catra waited two heartbeats, four, before she began to move. She curled forward and crawled into Adora’s lap, staring down at her as she settled heavily onto Adora’s legs. Adora stared up at her, brows furrowed.

Catra’s hands rose, settling on each of her cheeks. Her thumbs stroked the tears away as she leaned, ever so slowly, to place a kiss against Adora’s lips.

“One,” she murmured.

“Catra?”

Their lips met again, warm and slow. Adora uncrossed her arms to rest her hands on Catra’s thighs.

Catra pulled back, but didn’t go far. “Two.”

“What are you doing?”

Another kiss, chaste, gone before Adora could question it. “Three.”

This time, Adora kept her mouth shut.

And then, once more.

“Four,” Catra said. “The year we met.”

Adora was quiet, looking up at her as Catra slowly stroked across her cheekbones.

“You gave me a name,” Catra breathed, voice wet. “I might’ve had one, before, but even I don’t remember it. It’s … It’s the kind of name a four-year-old would give someone, but you were the only one who bothered to. And despite everything, it stuck.”

“Catra …”

Catra leaned in and kissed her.

“Five. I said my first word. You were so excited, you ran around telling everyone. But when Octavia asked you what it was, you wouldn’t say, because you didn’t want to get in trouble.”

Adora hiccupped a laugh, tears spilling. “You picked it up from the older cadets. Only you’d have a swear as your first word.”

A kiss. “Six. You told me a joke when I was sick, and I laughed so hard I threw up.”

“I don’t even remember what it was,” Adora admitted. “It was probably really dumb.”

A kiss, pressed against the corner of her mouth.

“Seven. We played our first prank on Kyle. We put tape in the bottom of his shoes, and he couldn’t get them off.”

A kiss against her wet cheek.

“Eight. We got in our first fight. A real one. I felt like the world was ending.”

Adora swallowed. “Me too.”

A kiss against her forehead.

“Nine. We found a stash of Shadow Weaver’s wine while we were on kitchen duty, and it was the most disgusting thing we’d ever tasted. We swore we’d never touch it again as long as we lived.”

Against her closed eyelid.

“Ten. Lonnie tried to kiss you, and I punched her in the mouth. You got mad at me, but afterwards you told me you didn’t understand the whole kissing thing anyway.”

“It sounded gross,” Adora said, laughing at the irony.

A kiss on the bridge of her nose.

“Eleven. We decided we were going to stay together forever, no matter what.”

Adora’s face fell. She reached a hand up and wrapped her fingers around Catra’s wrist.

Catra knocked their noses together. She let their foreheads meet as she let out a breath.

Then, another kiss, gentle, against her lips.

“Twelve. We stayed up all night talking. Rogelio asked you if you liked boys, and you told him you didn’t know. But, that night, you told me you knew the answer. I never slept in my own bunk after that.”

Adora blinked her eyes open. “That’s when you decided to sleep in mine?”

“You’re so dumb.”

“I am,” she said.

She squeezed Catra’s wrist as she leaned forward and kissed her.

“Thirteen,” Adora said. “Shadow Weaver got mad at me and you yelled at her in front of everyone.”

Catra kissed her back.

“Fourteen,” she said. “You broke your wrist trying to do a flip.”

Two kisses in quick succession.

“Fifteen,” Adora said, “we found out what ‘I love you’ meant. Sixteen, we said it for the first time.” A kiss. “Seventeen. I learned how to drive a skiff and immediately crashed it.”

Catra chuckled. “The first thing you weren’t instantly good at.”

A kiss.

“Eighteen.” Adora swallowed. “I … found the sword.”

Catra hummed, shaking her head. “Eighteen. You found Bow and Glimmer.”

“Right. Eighteen … I befriended Bow and Glimmer.”

Catra hummed against her lips as she kissed her, but when she pulled away, she didn’t speak.

“Nineteen,” Adora whispered. “I, um … I got drunk and made out with Huntara a little bit.”

“Oh?”

“Just a little.”

A breathy chuckle pulled from Catra’s chest. “Should I be jealous?”

“No,” Adora said. She leaned forward and let their lips meet, and for a long time, she didn’t pull away. Catra was heavy against her legs, and Adora still had a hand wrapped around her wrist. She moved her other hand up to slip inside of Catra’s suit jacket, resting on her waist. Her fingers clenched against the silky material of her button-up, and Catra’s chest rumbled in a purr.

Finally, she pulled away. Catra took a breath.

Adora looked up at her through her lashes. She didn’t know how she’d gotten here, how she’d gotten so lucky.

“Twenty,” she said, leaning into the hand against her cheek. “We found each other.”

A smile pulled at the corner of Catra’s lips. “Yeah. We did.”

Adora let out a sigh as she closed her eyes, relishing in the warmth of Catra’s hands against her.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“You forgot one,” Catra whispered back. Her weight shifted as she leaned forward to place a kiss, soft and reverent, against Adora’s forehead. She pulled back, letting their heads rest together. “Twenty-one. You’re safe, surrounded by and celebrated by the people who love you most in the world. You have a whole life ahead of you, filled with endless possibilities, and endless people ready to support you on whatever path you take. You have two best friends who, while idiots, always have your best at heart. And you have a girlfriend who would do anything at all just to see you smile. You have a good head on your shoulders, the body of a goddess, and enough ambition to fill this whole castle and then some. You have all the possibilities in the world, Adora. And now you get to choose.”

Adora took a moment to sit and breathe. Catra wiped each tear away as it fell.

“Do I have to choose today?”

“Not today,” Catra murmured. “Today, you get to celebrate with your friends, eat as much cake as you can stomach, and try not to trip over your own feet in front of all our guests. Oh, but you have to pretend to like all your presents. I asked around. Most of them are pretty bad.”

Adora huffed a laugh, opening her eyes to stare at the softly squinting mismatched set looking back.

“Hey.” Catra tilted her head with just a hint of a smile. “You know you’re gonna be okay, right?”

Adora watched her. Her own mouth was beginning to climb upwards at the ends.She wasn’t even able to help it.

“Yeah,” she said. “I do.”

#she ra #spop #catra #adora #catradora #she ra fic #spop fic #i started a drabble collection on ao3 so i can write some shorter stuff like this #instead of the 8k behemoths i keep accidentally churning out #come get yalls angst #i wrote a meta about this a while ago but i had to write it into a fic #existentially fucked up adora #Anonymous #[edit] SORRY TO THE PEOPLE WHO HAD TO LOOK AT THIS LONG ASS POST I DONT THINK THE READ MORE BUTTON WAS WORKING #is it fixed now?? wtf tumblr

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johannas-motivational-insults · 3 years

Note

The ask game: 'Demons' : )

Well initially I wrote it just to get the first chapter out of my head tbh. But once I started to conceptualize it as a multi-chapter fic it was definitely that first big Catradora fight/talk that I was building up to. There’s so many layers and so much baggage addressed and it really is like the first big turning point of the fic where they start to understand each other a little bit better. Honestly I’m still annoyed we never got to see them really talk much of this stuff out in canon, but *sigh* I guess that’s what fanfic’s for.

Anyway, I’ll put one of my fave exchanges from that conversation under the cut. This really is the core of why Catra is so angry and hurt in season 1, and it’s old news now, but back when I published it a couple years ago this was still something a lot of the fandom didn’t seem to understand...

New Ask game. Send me one of my fic titles and I’ll tell which was THAT SCENE for that fic. (Writing a fic consists of having one scene you want to write and scrambling to come up with an entire plot just so you can write that one scene.)

A mild headrush makes Adora’s mouth fall open once again. “Entrapta’s alive?”

Catra blinks, genuinely confused. “You thought she was dead?”

“Yeah, obviously,” says Adora. “I’d never leave her behind.”

The breath leaves Catra’s body. Adora couldn’t have punched her in the gut harder if she was She-ra on steroids. Forcing out a cruel laugh, Catra snipes, “Lucky her.”

“That’s not fair,” huffs Adora, crossing her arms as best she can with a giant sword in one hand. “I asked you to come with me.”

“After you’d already decided to leave.”

Head tilting, Adora purses her lips. “Oh, I’m sorry I assumed you’d want to leave if you knew the Horde was evil.”

“Right, you assumed I couldn’t have any opinions or feelings of my own,” parries Catra.

“So in your opinion it was okay that the Horde was attacking a village full of innocent people?”

Catra scoffs. “Since when do you care if the Horde hurts innocent people? You never tried to stop them before.”

“I never knew-”

“For fuck’s sakes, Adora, I’m not talking about those stupid fucking villagers!”

Catra’s outburst shocks Adora into silence, leaving her to stare dumbly into her flaming, mesmerising eyes. Her confusion must show, because Catra’s fists clench at her sides and she spells out, “How is it you only realized the people who raised us were terrible when you saw what their army did to people you didn’t even know? Did you never clue in when they were hurting me all those years?”

Face falling, Adora stammers, “That’s- that’s different…”

“Why, because I deserved it?”

“Because that’s how I grew up,” she says, sidestepping the partial truth in Catra’s accusation. Though Adora always thought Shadow Weaver was unnecessarily harsh with Catra, she justified it by telling herself that’s just what happens when you’re unruly and disrespectful to your superiors. It was easier to think of it that way than to admit how uncomfortable it made her, how unfair it felt. “It’s what I was used to. I only started to question things once I met Glimmer and Bow.”

“Of course they made you see it. You go running off with those two and suddenly a bunch of random strangers mean more to you than me.” Though her face is all hard lines of anger, Catra’s eyes scream with pain as she demands, “How do you think that made me feel?”

It’s an ingrained response, reaching for Catra when she sees her in pain. But when Adora automatically steps closer and lifts a hand, Catra takes a deliberate step back, leaving her grasping at air. A dull ache fills Adora’s chest and she drops her hand. Channelling all her sincerity, she wills Catra to hear her, really hear her when she says, “I did what I did for the greater good, not because I cared about them more than you.” The rising lump in her throat alters her voice slightly as she continues, “No one means more to me than you, Catra. No one. You’re my best friend.”

Scowling at the floor, Catra corrects her. “Was your best friend.”

Head shaking slightly, Adora murmurs, “That’s not how it feels when I look at you.”

#asks #katra-connor #asks games #writing asks #fanfic #demons

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turtletotem · 4 years

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Burn Me Down - a Catradora fanmix

Fifteen-song Spotify playlist for giving you Catradora feels, presented in roughly chronological order for their relationship. Fairly Catra-centric because of my brain.

Songs and their relevance under the cut!

1. Ashes (Braden Barrie)—Catra's POV of Adora leaving

Wish I had known back then That when you told me That this was goodbye I'd never see you again

I know the stars still shine And the moon still glows But my heart still beats for you And I wonder why you gave up this time Maybe I just wasn't enough for you

2. Someone You Loved (Lewis Capaldi)—More Catra, particularly when she tears the bed up

Now the day bleeds into nightfall And you're not here to get me through it all I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you

3. The Horror and the Wild (The Amazing Devil)—Catra's growing anger at Adora and maybe also at Shadow Weaver

Think of all the horrors that I Promised you I'd bring I promise you, they'll sing of every time You passed your fingers through my hair and called me child

4. Bad Blood (Bastille)—"You promise?" "I promise."

We were young and drinking in the park There was nowhere else to go And you said you always had my back Oh but how were we to know That these are the days that bind you together, forever And these little things define you forever, forever ... If we're only ever looking back We will drive ourselves insane As the friendship goes resentment grows We will walk our different ways But those are the days that bind us together, forever And those little things define us forever, forever

5. Don't Make Me (Malinda)—Back when Catra and Adora still didn't want to fight each other.

Don't make me be the bad guy Don't make me be the bad guy Despite all of my foresight I keep hoping I'll be right about you But you were the psycho So what do I know? (I know) Tell me you're the bad guy No, don't make me be the bad guy

6. Circles – Minor Key Version (Chase Holfelder)—They can't just turn their backs on each other, no matter how they try. I like the minor-key version here for a more tragic tone.

We couldn't turn around 'Til we were upside down I'll be the bad guy now No, I ain't too proud … Seasons change and our love went cold Feed the flame 'cause we can't let go Run away, but we're running in circles Run away, run away

7. Until the Day I Die (Story of the Year)—Post-portal, when things get… very bad between them.

My hands are at your throat And I think I hate you We made the same mistakes Mistakes like friends do

My hands are at your throat And I think I hate you But still we'll say, "Remember when" Just like we always do Just like we always do

Until the day I die I'll spill my heart for you, for you

8. The Beauty and the Tragedy (Trading Yesterday)—Oh the repressed feelings

Watch your step, love is broken I am every tear you cry Save your breath, your heart has spoken You already have my life For I am finding out that love Will kill and save me Taking the dreams that made me up And tearing them away But the same love will take this heart That's barely beating Fill it with hope beyond the stars Only love

9. Broken Inside (Broken Iris)—Emo song for emo season-4 Catra and her slow-spiraling breakdown. [WARNING: There’s a scream at the end of the song for some reason.]

Until the end of me You'll be the death of me I dare you to cross the line again Because deep down inside there's something that waits to be Broken inside Feeling alive Forced to defy Who casts me aside I'm waiting to be Broken inside Losing my mind Gasping for life Crashing through times That drive me to find The darkness behind Will never run dry But I'll still stand

10. Wrong Direction (Hailee Steinfeld)—Adora POV

I don't hate you No, I couldn't if I wanted to I just hate all the hurt that you put me through And that I blame myself for letting you Did you know I already knew?

Couldn't even see you through the smoke Lookin' back, I probably should have known But I just wanted to believe that you were out sleepin' alone Love me with your worst intentions Didn't even stop to question Every time you burned me down Don't know how, for a moment it felt like heaven

And it's so gut-wrenching Falling in the wrong direction

11. Fairly Local (Twenty One Pilots)—Catra's heel-face turn in "Corridors"!!! Credit to @yesbpdcatra for pointing out the amazing Catra-ness of this song.

I'm evil to the core What I shouldn't do I will They say I'm emotional What I wanna save I'll kill Is that who I truly am? I truly don't have a chance Tomorrow I'll keep a beat And repeat yesterday's dance … I'm not evil to the core What I shouldn't do I will fight I know I'm emotional What I wanna save I will try I know who I truly am I truly do have a chance Tomorrow I'll switch the beat To avoid yesterday's dance

12. If You Need Me (Julia Michaels)—Adora POV, especially deciding to go back for Catra after she saved Glimmer.

Have I spent too much time on what we used to be? Am I making up details in the memories? Have I got too caught up on the you and me thing? Well, I'm hoping not 'cause I loved what we got Out of sight, don't mean out of mind Not in your space, but you're still in mine Hope you don't think I could leave you like that

13. Vow (TENDER)—Catra, trying to change and be better.

I'm gonna need you tonight Walkin' miles in the moonlight Got myself into the wrong fight So, show me where To make amends

14. Control (Zoe Wees)—Catra recovering—from Prime, from Shadow Weaver, from everything—with Adora to help her.

Sometimes I still think it's coming but I know it's not Tryin' to breathe in and then out but the air gets caught 'Cause even though I'm older now and I know how to shake off the past I wouldn't have made it if I didn't have you holding my hand

15. Marry Me (Train)—The sweet, gauzy, sappy fairytale-ending song they deserve.

Together can never be close enough for me To feel like I am close enough to you You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love you And you're beautiful Now that the wait is over And love has finally shown her my way Marry me Today and every day

#she ra #spop #catradora #she-ra and the princesses of power #fanmix

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ambssssssssss · 4 years

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Heart of Fire

Catradora fanfic

Check AO3 for full tags and summary!

The light was blinding, beautiful, breathtaking, like the first sunset Adora had seen from Brightmoon when the sky was painted so many colors that Adora had never even seen before. It made her stop in her tracks, made her stare in awe and she did the same now. Except now, there was a sharp undercurrent of fear that had her limbs shaking and her breath coming short.

“CATRA!”

The magicat was enveloped in the light emanating from the Spirit Ember, her always-present smirk fading from view as the light grew brighter and brighter around her, a deep orange in color. Adora’s grip on She-Ra’s sword slipped and the blade clattered to the ground as Adora ran past it. Glimmer and Bow both tried to stop her from running towards the light but Adora ducked under their grasps with an ease that spoke of her existence as a child soldier until just a few months ago. Scorpia and Entrapta are there too, Adora knows, but she can’t bring herself to take into account their current positions. Her eyes, her mind, everything about her was focused on the point where Catra had faded into the light.

As she gets closer, Adora can feel the heat there too. Now that’s close enough she can see that the light isn’t just bright and orange, it’s burning. Smokeless, odorless, but as hot as any fire. Adora’s fear for Catra suddenly shot up even higher.

Without stopping to think about it, Adora dove into the strange fire in search of her lost best friend. She tumbled as she hit the ground on the other side of the wall of flame, coughing slightly as she rolled onto her stomach and pushed herself back into a standing position. The air around her was warmer inside the fire but Adora found herself unharmed. The fire seemed to be shaped like a dome, a barrier to the outside world. At the center of the dome stood the Spirit Ember, glowing in a steady pulse that was much more reassuring than the erratic flashes it had exhibited before. In front of the runestone, lying motionless on the ground, was Catra.

“Catra,” Adora called her name again as she rushed towards the fallen soldier. She slid onto her knee with the intent of lifting Catra’s body off the floor only to recoil in pain as soon as her hands came into contact with the soft fur on Catra’s arm. “What?”

Adora lifted her hands and saw the blisters forming there, burns. Catra was burning hot to the touch.

“Catra, what happened to you?”

Catra’s eyes were closed, her breathing too deep and even to be natural. The heat was growing more intense. They had to get out of there and soon, before they were both burned alive.

“I”m not leaving you behind Catra,” Adora knelt beside her again, her face set in grim determination. “Not again.”

Gritting her teeth against the pain, Adora slid her hands beneath Catra’s body and lifted her. Catra’s head settled against her shoulder limply, her overheated skin burning even through the long sleeves of Adora’s shirt. Forcing the pain out of her mind, Adora turned them around and began to make her way through the wall of fire again. This time, the fire parted as she approached and Adora walked through unharmed with the unconscious Catra in her arms. The battle on the other side of the wall of fire had come to a halt with Bow and Glimmer standing to one side and Scorpia and Entrapta on another. Adora’s and Catra’s names overlapped as their friends called for them.

“What did you do to her?” Scorpia asked with a hollow voice.

“Nothing, I didn’t do anything. She was like this when I found her.” Adora had to stop herself from saying that she’d never hurt Catra because she already had and no matter how much tried, how much she regretted hurting the one person who she’d always cared for, Adora couldn’t take her back. “The runestone did something when she touched it. We need to take her to Brightmoon.”

“You’re not leaving here with her,” Scorpia took a step forward, her claw wavering slightly as she gestured to Adora. “Give her to me. I’ll take her back to the Freight Zone.”

“Scorpia,” Adora spoke in a tone that Bow and Glimmer had never heard from before. Desperation and fear and love rolled into one voice. The other two members of the best friends squad shared a look that said they both had come to the same realization. “Brightmoon is the safest place for her. The runestone is magic, she needs magic to heal. I promise, once she’s better we’ll let her go back to the Freight Zone if that’s what she wants. Please, don’t fight us.”

A look passed between Scorpia and Adora, neither of them looking away. Catra’s tail that had hung limply until then curled up slightly, a moan-like sound escaping her lips and she burrowed deeper into Adora’s chest. Scorpia’s eyes widened in realization and then her expression became sullen.

“I always knew there was something,” Sorpia said, mostly to herself. “Fine, but I want to be updated about her progress. If she needs anything...well,”

“We’ll let you know,” Glimmer spoke up as she and Bow came to stand on either side of Adora and Catra. Scorpia nodded once.

“Okay, let’s go Entrapta.”

“That was one of the most fascinating encounters I have yet to see,” Entrapta muttered into her recorder as she and Scorpia exited the castle at Candila. “Prolonged eye contact seems to be some advanced form of communication…”

“Adora, are you sure about this?” Glimmer asked as Entrapta’s voice faded away. “Taking Catra to Brightmoon? She’s the Horde’s second in command!”

“Please Glimmer. I can’t leave her, not again. Not like this.” Adora looked down at Catra’s unconscious face, her shirt burned black under Catra’s head. “It’s Catra. She’s…”

“We know,” Bow stepped up and put a comforting hand on Adora’s shoulder. “Of course we’ll take her with us. But-What’s wrong with your hands?”

Adora’s hands were now a deep red, burned. She’d gone numb to the pain. “Nothing, they’ll heal when I transform into She-Ra again. We need to go, before she gets worse.”

Bow and Glimmer followed Adora out of the castle to where the rest of the Princess Alliance was waiting to step in if things got too out of control.

“So, like, are we going to do something about that?” Mermista asked while pointing at Adora and Catra. “She’s evil, right?”

“She’s hurt and Adora promised to help her get better,” Glimmer answered. “We’ll worry about the evil bit later.”

“Whatever,” Mermista shrugged and walked away to fall into step with Perfuma and Frosta.

‘Do you think she realizes? Adora, I mean.” Bow asked as the group began walking in the direction of Brightmoon.

“That she’s in love with Catra? Not a chance but,” Glimmer paused for a moment. “I don’t know if she knows what love is. Romantic love. Growing up in the Horde…”

“Yeah, I know,” Bow scratched the back of his neck. “But she must know she feels different about her, right? Now that she has other friends to compare it to?”

“Maybe she thinks she feels different about us. Catra’s her normal,” Glimmer shrugged. “It doesn’t matter right now. Once Catra gets better, they can figure it out. We just need to keep Adora from doing something stupid until then.”

“Right, we can do that. Best Friend Squad for Life!” Bow cheered and then smiled thoughtfully. “Do you think we can be a quartet once Catra wakes up?”

Glimmer shrugged noncommittally but she had a feeling that forming a quartet would simply be the beginning of their relationship with Catra.

They walked together for a long while, until Glimmer was close enough to safely teleport herself, Adora and Catra back to the Brightmoon. Teleporting to the middle of the War Room while Adora cradled an unconscious Catra in her arms might not have been Glimmer’s best idea but it was the fastest way to make sure she met her mother first.

“Glimmer? Adora? What’s going on?” Queen Angella was on her feet as soon as the girls faded into view, her wings snapping out for a moment when she caught sight of Catra.

“Something happened when Catra touched the Spirit Ember, Mom,” Glimmer explained. “We have to help her.”

“You want us to heal the Horde’s second-in-command?” Angella had thought, hoped, her daughter was done surprising her with reckless actions during the middle of a war.

“No,” Glimmer said with the long-suffering annoyance of a teenager, “we want you to help us heal Adora’s best friend.” Glimmer accompanied her sentence with a wide-eyed expression, making a heart shape with her hands. Queen Angella looked puzzled at the motion.

“Please, Your Majesty,” Adora spoke up, tearing her gaze away from Catra for the first time since she arrived. Angella saw something in Adora’s eyes that she hadn’t expected, the same fear that Angella had felt so long ago every time her husband left with a chance that he wouldn’t return to her. “I have to help her.”

“I see,” Queen Angella folded her wings back against her back, nodding once in Glimmer’s direction to signal that she understood. “Take her to the guest room, I must contact Castaspella.”

Adora accepted the order with a slight bow of her head and let the guards lead her to the room where Catra would be staying. Once there, she carefully placed Catra down on the bed and took a seat beside her, leaning down to whisper in Catra’s ear.

“You’re going to be okay Catra. I promise. Just keep fighting.” Adora looked a Catra’s face for a moment as if waiting for a response, but none came.

“Let’s get your hands taken care of and get you cleaned up,” Glimmer said softly, offering Adora a warm smile when she looked up. “If we move fast enough, we can be back before Aunt Cass gets here.”

“Sure,” Adora looked down at her red and blistered hands for a moment, the black marks on her clothing where Catra’s body had rested against her. She squeezed Catra’s hand once, concealing a sudden burst of pain that the movement caused, and then stood to follow Glimmer out of the room.

~/~

She was surrounded by heat, it licked at her fur and stung her eyes. Catra had never felt so hot in her life. Sure she wasn’t a stranger to warmth or the heat generated from physical exercise, she was a soldier after all, but this was different. This wasn’t just a heat around her, enveloping her. This was a heat that arose from within. Someone called Catra’s name.

“Adora?” Catra called in a scratchy voice, coughing as she struggled into a sitting position. She didn’t remember being knocked down in the first place and frowned. Her frown deepened when she lifted her head and found herself in an unfamiliar setting. “Adora?”

Catra stood and the air around her was suddenly ablaze. She let out a startled scream as the fire rose around her, stumbling backwards in an attempt to evade the flames. The flames continued to close in on her as Catra’s back collided with something hard behind her and she closed her eyes, moving her hands like she could push the fire away from her with willpower alone. She waited for a long moment and then opened her eyes.

The flames had come to a stop a few inches out from Catra’s hand, they danced calmly, almost lazily, like Catra’s tail flicking in the wind.

“What the hell is going on?”

You have been chosen

Catra whirled around, searching for the source of the voice. “Show yourself!”

You have been chosen. The Trial has begun.

“Trial? What Trial?” Catra looked all around herself again, turning in surprise when the wall she had been leaning on fell away. “Who are you?”

The path is open to you. Find the flame before it finds you

A doorway opened in the place where there had previously been a wall. Catra turned her back to the open path. “Find the flame before it finds you?” She parroted with a cruel laugh, looking at the fire still dancing around her. “Too late for that.”

Cool air drifted over her from the open doorway. Catra was surprised when she shivered in response. “Okay two options, stay here until the creepy fire decides to move again,” Catra looked at the flames wearily. “Or go down the creepy tunnel and hope I can find a way out of this place.”

The flames danced a little more, shifting this was and that in a way that made it seem like they were pointing towards the tunnel. Catra followed their direction, ignoring the voice in her head that said she had a third option, calling for Adora again. Not like Adora would come anyway.

The pathway was apparently lined with torches which lit up as soon as Catra stepped through the doorway. The flames behind her surged forward to block the path backwards, Catra managing to jump out of the way just in time to save her tail from being scorched.

“Down the creepy tunnel it is.”

~/~

Castaspella brought with her two special magic users known as Spirit Healers. Although wary of helping anyone associated with the Horde, Cass had agreed to at least have Catra examined by the healers as a favor to her niece. Queen Angella walked her to the room where Catra had been placed.

“I feel I should warn you,” Angella spoke when they stopped outside the door. “Adora will be there, I doubt she will leave Catra’s side until she is healed, but I do not believe she fully understands why.”

“I assume they were friends before Adora left the Horde,” Cass said.

“Yes, but I am unsure that friends are all they are to one another. Adora worries for Catra the way I worried for Micah.”

“Adora loves her?” Castaspella turned to the Queen with a look of surprise. Angella nodded.

“Not that she’s aware of that yet, from my understanding love is not something that exists in the Horde,” Angella shook her head slightly. “I just did not want you to be surprised if Adora seems different than you expected.”

“You mean if Adora transforms into She-Ra the second she feels that someone is threatening Catra?”

“Yes, precisely.”

“Wonderful,” Castapella pushed the door open and stepped through.

Adora looked up from her intense study of Catra’s face when the door opened, climbing to her feet to bow respectfully to the Queen and sorceress.

“Adora, how is she?” Queen Angella asked as they stepped further into the room, sending a guard to fetch the Spirit Healers.

“No change,” Adora’s hands were wrapped in white gauze and she was dressed in a pair of pants and shirt that seemed to be borrowed from Bow, hanging loosely off her body. “Be careful with her,” Adora held her hands up in display when Casstaspella leant down to touch Catra’s arm. “Her fur will burn you.”

“Thank you for the warning, Adora,” Cass stood up straight again and moved her hands in a pattern of fire protection. A moment later the spell took hold and Cass placed her hand against Catra’s arm. Even through her fire protection spell, Cass could feel the heat coming from Catra. “Can you tell me what happened?”

“She accidentally touched the Spirit Ember. Fire surrounded her and I jumped in to save her. She was already unconscious by the time I reached her.”

“The Spirit Ember?” Cass turned to Angella. “Is it real?”

“Indeed, the Princess Alliance journey to Mount Candila to secure its power for the Rebellion.” Angella explained with a slight inclination of her hand. “It seems that Catra has had some sort of reaction from touching the unstable runestone.”

“She didn’t mean to,” Adora bowed her head in shame and regret. “It was my fault. We were fighting and I knocked her into the runestone. She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.”

“Catra made her own decisions that brought her to Candila, you are not responsible for them,” Angella came around to the other side of the bed and rested her hands on Adora’s shoulders. Adora’s expression said she didn’t agree, but she let the matter drop for the moment as the two Spirit Healer’s walked in. They were duly warned of Catra’s overheated body and applied the same fire protection spell to their hands before beginning their evaluation.

Adora moved out of the way with Queen Angella by her side, standing tensley while the healer’s worked to determine what had put Catra into such a state. Her unhealed hands ached in their wrappings but she didn’t want to leave so she could transform long enough to heal them yet. Not when she didn’t know what was wrong with Catra yet. If they needed to move her again, Adora wanted to be there. She didn’t trust anyone to be careful enough with her.

“Impossible,” One of the Healer’s spoke suddenly, one hand resting in the air above Catra’s heart and the other over her temple. Adora had taken a step forward without thinking, it was only Angella’s hand on her shoulder that stopped her from moving all the way over to the bed.

“What is it?” Angella asked. The Healer’s traded a look with one another and then with Castaspella.

“There is nothing physically wrong with Catra. It is her soul that is in danger.”

“What does that mean?” Adora asked.

“The runestone must have been less stable than we thought,” Queen Angella said, mostly to herself. “It formed a bond with Catra as soon as she came in contact with it.”

“Yes, but the dormant power is strong. Catra’s soul must bring this power under control if she is to return to us.”

“And if she can’t?” Adora asked in a low voice.

“Then she will be lost to the flame within.”

The silence that followed the statement was deafening.

~/~

“There has to be something we can do to help her!” Adora was pacing along the hall outside of Catra’s room joined by Glimmer and Bow, who had just returned to Brightmoon with the other members of the Princess Alliance. The Sword of Protection was leaning against the wall where Adora had set it after transforming to She-Ra and back so her injuries would heal.

“The Healer’s will let us know,” Glimmer said in an encouraging voice. “We’ll make sure nothing happens to Catra.”

“Except something already happened to Catra and it’s my fault,” Adora stopped pacing suddenly, seeming to deflate as she covered her face with her hands. “It’s my fault.”

“Adora,” Bow pulled her into a warm hug. “You didn’t make catra fight you. That was her choice, you can’t blame yourself for reacting to that.”

“She’s my friend. She was my best friend,” Adora was trying hard to keep her tears in but they fell from her eyes anyway. “She was my best friend and I left her behind.”

“Not this time, not when she needed you,” Glimmer stepped up to join in the hug on Adora’s other side. “We can’t pretend that Catra hasn’t done some bad things, but she needs our help now and that’s what matters. We can deal with everything else later.”

“She’s your enemy,” Adora wiped at her eyes, almost angry at herself for crying.

“So were you when we first met, there’s no reason that Catra can’t change too.” Bow said easily. “We’re willing to give her the chance if she wants it.”

“And we’ll make sure that everyone else does too,” Glimmer promised.

“Thanks guys,” Adora sniffled slightly.

“There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for you, Adora. That’s why we’re the Best Friend Squad.”

Before Glimmer could add anything to Bow’s statement, the door to Catra’s room opened and Castaspella stepped out.

“The Healer’s have finished their examination,” she said, “they have determined that Catra must harness the power of fire on her own. There is nothing that we can physically do to help.”

Adora was visibly downcast at the news but Bow’s eyes had lit up. “Does that mean there’s something we can do that isn’t physical?”

“As a matter of fact,” Castaspella smiled. “There is.”

The spell was a simple illusion principle, but it would take a large amount of power and would only hold for a few minutes. Once the spell was cast, Adora would be able to speak to and see Catra in the place where her soul had gone to harness the fire, but she would not be able to touch anything. The connection wouldn’t last long so Adora would need to get all the information she could from Catra and give all the information she had in return.

“You will only have one chance at this. If you cannot find Catra, we cannot simply try again. You would be sending your very soul to Catra. Doing so more than once will put you in too much danger,” Castaspella explained to Adora where she lay in the bed beside Catra. “For the spell to work, you must focus only on Catra. Think of nothing but speaking to her. Seeing her.”

Adora nodded her understanding. Speaking to Catra, even arguing with her as they had been so prone to do since Adora left the Horde and Catra stayed, was all she had wanted to do since she discovered Catra’s unconscious form. “I’m ready.”

Castaspella stepped away from the bed and gestured for the Healer’s to begin the spell. Bow, Glimmer and Angella stood near the door as the only people allowed to view the spell. The Healer’s began to move their hands in a complicated pattern, each of them completing one half of the two-sided spell. The first Healer placed their hand over Adora’s eyes as the first part of the spell took hold, sending Adora into a deep sleep. The second Healer made a pulling motion with their hands, pulling Adora’s soul from her body and sending it to meet with Catra’s. Adora’s body fell into a relaxed unconsciousness as the Healer’s settled into the holding stances they would maintain until Adora awoke again.

~/~

The heat around Catra had settled into an almost soothing presence, a constant reminder to keep moving. She had been walking down the torch lit hallway for a seemingly endless amount of time. Each stepped carried her further from the doorway she entered but she didn’t feel like she was any closer to reaching the end.

The warrior of your heart has arrived

Catra whirled around as the voice sounded in her head again, only familiar in that it was unfamiliar. There was no one there.

“Catra?”

Catra looked up, startled. “Adora?”

“Catra!” Adora’s voice was louder now, closer. “Stay where you are. I’m coming.”

“Where are you? How did you get here?”

“I followed you,” Adora was suddenly there, stepping out of the shadows created by the torch light. “Catra.”

“Hey Adora,” Catra said with her signature smirk. To someone who didn’t know her better, Catra would look the picture of relaxed ease. Adora did know her better though, and she could tell that Catra was unsettled. She didn’t know if that was because of Adora’s presence or the place where they were.

“Catra, please, we don’t have much time. You’re in danger.”

“From what? You? Haven’t we already proved I’m the better fighter?” Catra looked away to hide the grimace at the memory of her claws raking across Adora’s back with the full intent of causing as much pain as possible.

“I’m not here to fight you. I can’t,” Adora stepped further into the light. Neither she nor Catra realized that Adora didn’t have a shadow. “Listen Catra, the runestone activated when you touched it. It bonded with you but it’s unstable.”

“Is that why it’s so warm in here? It is the fire runestone right?” Catra’s tail swayed lazily even as her shoulders tensed.

“Damn it Catra this isn’t a game!” Catra turned to Adora with wide eyes. In all the years she’d known Adora, she’d never heard her curse. “Your life's on the line here!”

“What are you talking about?” Catra took in Adora’s almost frantic expression, her badly fitting clothes and the panic in her eyes.

“The Spirit Ember bonded with you and if you can’t calm down the fire within, it will destroy you just like the Fire Princess destroyed her kingdom.”

“You’re saying a runestone sent me here?” Catra asked, skeptical.

“Yes, and a runestone will keep you here if you don’t fight. Catra, please. You have to do this on your own.”

“If that’s true then why are you here?” Catra stepped closer to Adora and noticed the translucent quality of her former best friend. “Wait, you’re not actually here are you? What is this, a figment of my imagination? A memory?”

“It’s really me Catra, but I couldn’t be here physically. I can’t help you with this, as much as I want to.”

“Which is none at all. Why would you help me? You left me.” Catra fought to keep her voice from breaking but it did anyway and she scowled at the way her one body betrayed her.

“I left the Horde Catra, I couldn’t stay there anymore, but I never wanted to leave you. You chose to stay,” Adora shook her head sadly.

“Where would I have gone? To the Rebellion? Did you think I would drop everything to follow you?” Catra crossed her arms over her chest in a protective stance.

“I don’t know,” Adora hung her head low. That was the truth. She didn’t know what she thought Catra would do, she only knew what she wanted Catra to do. “I wanted you to come with me, it broke my heart to leave you behind. No matter how hard I try, I can’t think of you as my enemy.”

“Why’s that? You pity me too much?” Venom dripped from Catra’s tongue and the temperature in the hall rose several degrees.

“Because I care about you too much!” If Adora could have, she would have held onto Catra’s arms, pulled her into a hug, anything to show how much she meant what she was saying. “You’ve been my best friend for as long as I could remember. We promised to always look out for one another. I don’t know how to not care about you because it’s always been you there with me. It’s always been you who mattered the most to me.”

Adora’s chest was heaving with emotion. Catra was staring with wide eyes. She had half a thought about making some snarky comment about Adora telling herself that enough times to easy her guilt but the words wouldn’t come. Adora’s words were laced with guilt and agony and some emotion that Catra couldn’t identify but she knew it was important. Adora’s image wavered and Catra found herself reaching out for her.

“I don’t have much time left,” Adora’s voice took on an echo-y quality. “Catra, fight. Please. You’ve never gone down without a fight before, don’t start now.”

“I promise,” the words slipped from Catra’s lips easily, too easily. She’d never been good at denying Adora. “Adora, I-”

“We’ll finish this when you wake up,” Adora held her hand up in a half hearted wave. “Don’t forget your promise.”

“I won’t,” Catra watched as Adora’s image faded away.

Squaring her shoulders, Catra turned back to the direction she had been walking in and set off again. She moved faster now, a sense of urgency born from Adora’s warning. Catra had to know what it all meant. Catra had to identify that last emotion in Adora’s voice. Catra needed to find her way home.

She didn’t know if that meant Adora or the Horde.

~/~

Adora came awake slowly, like she had simply taken a nap rather than a complex illusion spell cast on her that sent her soul to meet with Catra’s. She was still on the bed beside Catra with the two Spirit Healer’s leaning over them. Their stances relaxed as the magic of the spell faded away.

“Were you successful?” Angella asked from her place near the door.

“I think so,” Adora glanced over at Catra’s still form. “Now we wait?”

“Now we wait.” Glimmer settled into one of three chairs that had appeared in the room while Adora was out, arranged near the side of Catra’s bed. Bow fell into the next chair, leaving the one closest to the bed for Adora.

“We will leave you be,” Angella waved her guards out and instructed them to send the Healer’s to their quarters to rest. Castaspella followed them out. “If anything changes, please alert us.”

“What was it like?” Bow asked once the door was closed and Adora was settled in the seat left for her.

“I didn’t really look around,” Adora admitted. “But she looked the same as always.”

“Did she believe you?” Glimmer asked, leaning forward in her seat. Adora nodded.

“She promised to fight her way out. There’s a conversation we need to have.”

Bow and Glimmer shared a look and then entered a brief, whispered debate that ended with Bow suddenly climbing to his feet.

“Well, I think we could all use a warm drink. I’ll be right back,” he looked at Glimmer. “Do it.”

“So,” Glimmer said to break the silence after Bow left. “Catra means a lot to you, doesn’t she?”

“She’s always been there for me,” Adora said. “We grew up together. Everywhere I went, there she was. Coming here without her felt like leaving a part of myself behind.”

“Like your heart?”

“Yeah,” Adora turned her head to glance at Glimmer out of the corner of her eye. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Doing? I’m not doing anything.”

“You know, your voice gets very high pitched when you lie,” Adora smiled slightly as Glimmer grumbled under her breath. “But it’s okay. If it had been anyone else, you’d be right. No one in the Horde knows anything about love.”

“But you do?” Glimmer spoke softly. Adora’s gaze remained on Catra.

“I didn’t before. Not really. I knew that I felt differently about Catra than anyone else, but the Horde isn’t about relationships. We were teammates and best friends. That’s all we could ever be in the Horde,” Adora sighed. “But then I came here, I learned about love. I learned that the way I love Catra is different than the way I love you and Bow. Realizing that was like losing her all over again.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know that anything like this was possible until I met Bow’s dads. Plus, she was our enemy, the second in command of the Horde. How could you trust me to fight by your side if you knew I was in love with the enemy?” Adora shook her head. “I couldn’t run the risk of losing you, too.”

“You wouldn’t have lost us, Adora. You won’t lose us.” Glimmer promised, leaning over to put her hand on Adora’s shoulder. “Love isn’t anything to be ashamed about. It’s something to celebrate! And you were our enemy once too, remember? I promised to give Catra a chance and I stand by that promise. But you have to do something for me.”

“What’s that?” Adora turned her head to look at Glimmer.

“Tell her, whether she goes back to the Horde or stays here. You deserve the chance to say it and she deserves the chance to hear it.”

“And what happens after that?” Adora looked down at her healed hands. “What happens when she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“If that happens, we’ll figure it out when we get there.” Privately, Glimmer thought that Catra was more likely to return Adora’s feelings than she was to reject them, but Adora didn’t need to hear that just then. “Promise you’ll talk to her?”

“I promise.”

~/~

The air was growing colder the further Catra walked. A feeling like someone was watching her had the hairs on the back of her neck standing up and she found herself pausing every few steps to listen for someone following her. She was tempted to call for Adora but decided against it. If she paused to think about the conversation she and Adora had had earlier, she wouldn’t be focused enough to ‘calm the flame’ whatever that meant.

The time is near.

Catra stopped dead in her tracks, tail and ears flicking.

The fire awaits.

A door appeared before her in the space that she was sure had just been more of the long hallway a second ago.

Step through.

The door swung open silently. Catra peered through it but there was nothing to see on the other side except black emptiness. A sound like rushing air behind her made Catra glance over her shoulder and she discovered that the empty hallway she had walked through was now covered in fire. She only had one way to go.

Steeling herself with the confident attitude that had led her to become the second in command of the Horde, Catra stepped through the doorway.

The room on the other side was circular and large, lit by a ring of warm fire that rose to just below Catra’s knees. The door disappeared as Catra passed through, a solid wall replacing it.

Welcome, Champion of Fire

Catra stepped further into the room, searching high and low for the source of the voice. There was nothing in the room except a glowing gemstone. It was vaguely familiar and after studying it for a moment, Catra recognized it as the Spirit Ember in Mount Candila, but this was it uncovered as it had been before the destruction of the Kingdom of Flames. Catra approached the runestone slowly, settling back on her haunches when a figure suddenly began to appear. It was humanoid in shape but composed of living flame, always changing shape and dancing to an unheard song.

“We have waited a long time for you,” although there was no mouth, it was clear the voice was coming from the fire figure. “Champion of Fire, the Flame bids you greeting.”

“Um, hi?” Catra stood up straight again, cocking her head to the side in curiosity as the flame figure glided across the room.

“The Trial of Fire awaits you. Do you accept the challenge?”

“The Trial of Fire? What is that?” If a living flame shaped in a vaguely human shape could be surprised, Catra guesses it would look something like this: a shockingly expressive pillar of fire that stopped moving suddenly.

“You do not know of the Trial?” Catra shook her head. “How did you come to be here then? Were you not chosen?”

“No,” Catra looked away for a moment. “I touched the Spirit Ember by accident. I wasn’t chosen by anything.”

“But you are here, so you must have been chosen,” the fire sounded speculative. “An outsider has not been chosen for thousands of years.”

“No one has been chosen for thousands of years,” Catra pointed out. “Not since the last Fire Princess destroyed her Kingdom.”

“The Kingdom of Flame is no more?” The fire became darker suddenly, the light in the room dimming. Catra nodded her head. “That cannot be. The Mountain Flame is still burning.”

“Yeah, I have no idea what that means but there is no Kingdom of Flame anymore,” Catra watched the flame figure warily as it moved in a pacing motion.

“There must be, if the Ember has chosen a new Champion. The Flame Kingdom is still alive, yes, but different…” the flame moved in a way that gave the impression of turning around. “The Ember has chosen you. Do you accept the challenge?”

“If I say yes, can I get out of here?” Catra said, rolling her eyes. This flame thing was talking in riddles. How can a kingdom be dead and alive at the same time?

“You must face the Flame, become one with the Ember. Then you will return.” The flame figure moved closer to Catra. “Do you accept?”

Catra hesitated for a moment, thinking about her promise to Adora and the questions she still needed to answer. She promised she would fight her way out and she would keep her promise, even if that meant fighting against literal fire.

“I accept.”

A whoosh like a fire starting sounded as the flames surged around Catra. The room went dark as Catra and the flame-figure disappeared.

~/~

You are lost

I am here

You are hurt

I am strong

You feel guilt

I...have made mistakes

Can you forgive her?

I already have

Can you forgive yourself?

I don’t know

Is power all that you desire?

I thought so but…

Your heart craves something else

Yes

Your heart craves her

Yes

Does this make you weak?

I-No. No.

Are you certain?

No.

You have made your choice.

I have.

Do you accept?

I do.

The Flame bids you farewell, then.

The Princess of Fire has returned!

~/~

Adora was sitting in a chair she pulled over to Catra’s bed when the change happened. She’d been half asleep, the moon shining high in the starless sky, but she refused to let her eyes fall closed until Catra’s eyes opened. Adora sprang to her feet when a sound like fire crackling reached her ears, the temperature in the room rising to an almost unbearable temperature and settling just as quickly. On the bed, Catra’s eyes sprang open.

“Catra?” Adora was beside her in a second but hesitated to touch her, not just because she didn’t want to be burned again but because she suddenly realized that she and Catra were still enemies, despite whatever promises they had made before.

“Hey Adora,” Catra was smiling slightly, pulling herself into a sitting position.

“You came back?”

“I made a promise.”

“Catra, I-”

“Adora! We heard - Catra!” Glimmer appeared in the room in a shower of sparkles. “You’re awake.”

“Glitter,” Catra acknowledged, purposefully saying the wrong name. Catra turned her gaze back to Adora. “Why am I here?”

“You were injured by magic, I thought magic would heal you. Good magic, not Shadow Weaver. I brought you here when you collapsed.” Adora stood up from where she had taken a seat on the bed. Glimmer watched her movement with amusement, clearly remembering the conversation they had had earlier.

“The Spirit Healer’s from Mystacor helped Adora contact you before,” Glimmer explained. “I’ll let my mother know you’re awake.”

Glimmer was out of the room as fast as she entered.

“Does she do that a lot?” Catra asked, stretching.

“Yes,” Adora confirmed with a small laugh. “How are you feeling?”

“Warm,” Catra was looking over her body like she expected it to be different. “But okay. Even if I am in Brightmoon.”

“Yeah, I might have insisted on bringing you here. Scorpia was not happy.” Adora blushed prettily. “I’ll have to send her a message now that you’re awake.”

“She’ll be happy to hear that,” Catra poked at the pillows on the bed, marvelling at how soft they were.

“I’m glad you have her as a friend,” Adora said softly. “I’m glad she was there for you when I couldn’t be.”

“I didn’t make it easy for her,” Catra shrugged. “Still don’t.”

“It’s worth it anyway, speaking from personal experience.”

“But not worth enough to not leave me behind,” It wasn’t a question, just a statement. A starting point for the conversation that needed to happen.

“I didn’t want to leave you, Catra. I never wanted that.”

“But you left anyway,” Catra was looking around the room, anywhere except Adora.

“I had to. The Horde...what they’re doing is wrong. I couldn’t be a part of that anymore. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t miss you or that leaving you didn’t tear me apart inside,” Adora stayed where she was, not making any attempt to closer or further away from Catra.

“Funny way of showing it,” Catra mumbled.

“We are at war, Catra! As much as I would like to run up and kiss you every time I see you, a battlefield isn’t exactly the place for that. Especially not when you’re attacking me!”

“As much as you would like to what?” Catra was frozen, everything except her tail which twitched in anticipation. Adora stopped short, her eyes growing wide as she mentally repeated what she just said.

“Um, hug you?” A lam substitute that Catra was definitely not going to fall for but Adora needed to do something to save her dignity. She had not intended to admit her desire to kiss Catra.

“That’s not what you said,” Catra was turned around now, faceing Adora head on instead of looking away. Her face held more expressions than Adora had ever seen on her. Doubt, fear, happiness. “You said you want to kiss me.”

“Is that what I said?” Another dumb diversion tactic that failed immediatly. Catra stalked closer to Adora, climbing off the bed to stand in front of her. “That’s crazy.”

“You mean it?” Catra’s ears were dropping, a sure sign that her guard was down for the moment. Adora took a deep breath, intending to not let the moment go to waste.

“I mean it, Catra,” Adora looked deeply into Catra’s eyes. “I’ve always felt differently about that but I didn’t know if it was okay before. I didn’t know if I was okay with it before.”

“And now?” Catra was close enough that she could feel Adora’s breath on her face now, her head tilted up slightly so they were still looking one another in the eye.

“Now, I know, but I won’t do anything unless you want me to.” Adora glanced away for a moment and then back at Catra. “I want whatever we are now to be your choice.”

“My choice?” Catra was stunned. She’d never been given a choice in her life, not a real one. Her choices were always do what you’re told or face the consequences. Never before had she been trusted with a choice like this.

“Your choice,” Adora confirmed.

Catra had already made her choice, the second she told the Spirit Ember that she’d already forgiven Adora for leaving her. Catra had made her choice ages ago, as a child who promised to always protect the only friend she had at the time.

“What do you choose?” Catra asked Adora, the space between their bodies growing even smaller.

“You,” Adora answered a second later. “I choose you Catra, but this isn’t my choice alone. You have to choose me too.”

“I do,” Catra’s voice fell to a whisper. “I choose you. I always have.”

Adora’s smile was brighter than anything Catra had ever seen and she felt her lips grow into the same shape. “Catra,” Adora began, lifting her hands to cradle Catra’s head but stopping just shy of touching her. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Catra breathed the word and then her lips were pressed against Adora’s. They kissed softly, slowly, the new warmth in Catra’s heart rising to a muted inferno. Only Catra’s sheer force of will kept fire from coming to life in her hands.

They parted when a knock sounded on the door, both of them feeling flushed and elated. Adora took a small step back when the door swung up to reveal Queen Angella and Glimmer, Bow behind them, but kept her hand where it was now clutched in Catra’s.

“Good, you are well,” Queen Angella spoke to Catra. “Do you know what happened to you?”

“Yes,” Catra held up her free hand, closed her eyes for a moment in concentration, opened them and then snapped her fingers. A tiny flame rose over her index finger. “The Spirit Ember has chosen a new Princess.”

Luckily, Bow was there to catch Glimmer when she fainted.

#catradora #catradora fanfic #i caved a wrote a thing #ambs writes #ambs speaks #i love them okay #but it under a cut bc it's long #much longer than intended #(that's what she said)#i'm tired plz ignore my rambles

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