#does anybody know my mental status?

[harleythealter]

I’m tired of the people who offer free diagnoses. I can respect and understand some self diagnoses. I don’t need a doctor to tell me that I deal with depression. That would cost money that doesn’t need to be spent.

Usually it’s harmless, something I’ve tried to reach myself to become immune to. It’s like hearing about tragedies on the news, after so many, you just stop crying and it’s not so upsetting anymore. I just got tired of people diagnosing me with ADHD or ADD. Really, it’s not their place. I didn’t ask for their opinion. They didn’t ask if I wanted their opinions conceding MY mental health. It makes me bone deep exhausted.

Some people suggest that I’m depressed-in certain seasons. Usually that comes after months of confusion as to why I’m functioning a certain way. It’s less offensive because it’s often accurate.

But it’s so confusing to have people ask me thinks similar to… ‘do your characters talk to you?’ ‘Can you see your characters?’ ‘Do you feel like sometimes you are your characters?’

On and on. And I feel panicked because I see what they’re suggesting. I’ve even asked to clarify and make sure I’m not assuming. And when I ask if they’re really trying to figure out if I might ‘see’ things-also known as hallucinating. Or if I believe I have multiple people inside of me… there’s so many things that can relate to. I get the most panicked because how do I respond? The answer is no, I don’t hallucinate in the way you suggest and no, those people aren’t apart of me… but… I mean they do come from me… Harley especially. I gift my OCs parts of me to keep safe… and yes I see them… but only through my stories… they don’t stand next to me. Though they do certainly comfort me more than most people who are next to me ever could. Also… they don’t speak to me… but I do hear them all of the time. I often refer to harley as the person making the jokes… but Harley got his sense of humor from me. How else do we cover up our insecurities? So is it me or is it Harley? I mean. I’m one person, right? But how do I explain the fact that Harley feels like a shadow living just to the right of my skin. As if we’re a drawing in red and blue, two different images depending on what lense you look through. How do I express that Harley isn’t real if he’s made up of very real parts of me? If he’s almost if not 100% me?

Do you see these questions that come up just from somebody trying to diagnose me? TEENAGERS WITHOUT ENOUGH EDUCATION OR EVEN EXPERIENCE?????????

And that’s not the least of it. I deal with enough identity searching while deciding who I want to be that when people ask me questions that suggest things like this, especially without permission I feel disrespected as if they don’t actually care. Which I can’t say for sure if that is or isn’t the case, I don’t live their life. But diagnosing others without permission isn’t always welcomed and I need a break. It’s been over a year and a half and it’s still stuck there, wondering, questioning.

*insert semi laughter* I can’t forget to mention all the times I use plural pronouns… “yeah we’re all okay over here”… it’s just me over here… right? How does that even fit into it? Is that me talking? Is it Harley? How the fuck am I supposed to know? I mean, all the years I spent with a blurred connection between me and the world, maybe Harley just took over.

Oh. My. God. I never realized this next part. I’ll change the color for ya.

In my story… Harley wasn’t the original. Harper was the “born” person if that makes sense. After her childhood traumatic incidents, she changed. Short way to explain the rest is that Harley is a mask. Harley and Harper are one coherent person with a different name for a different state of mind. But Harley is louder, funnier. Mostly he’s confident. Harper is quiet. She feels more secure in who she is even if she doesn’t want that to be the only part of her. She doesn’t force herself to smile, she’s graceful to herself and loves her family deeply. Harley is capable of this too. But there’s still some sort of split.

Connecting that back to me… What if I use Harley as my mask as well… he makes those loud confident jokes. I feel as though I’m secure through him. There’s a sense that nobody will know me better than Harley. I seriously think that Harley had saved me from myself. Maybe he didn’t stop the trauma but he was somebody I could rely on-because I was able to write him whenever. Of course all of this makes it even harder to prove that he’s not ‘me’. I know he’s fiction. That’s the truth. But how do I prove that to myself when everything suggests that in some fashion, Harley is something more?

It drives me nearly insane trying to understand this. Because he’s more than an imaginary friend. I’m aware of his fictional status but it’s hard to separate him from the real world when all of our ‘symptoms’ suggest we aren’t so separate. And when I mentioned us feeling like a blue and red drawing, why did that resonate so deeply? Why do I question myself so deeply.

And why is it that I do not feel this way with all of my other characters? Harley wasn’t my first OC. He was my fourth(-ish. He and Mazie developed at the same time). But still. What makes Harley and I different? Why do we feel more like one piece than two? But also like two very different people at the same time?

Also. Bringing it full circle. Can you see what happens to me when you suggest a diagnosis? Yes. I should be stronger to not entertain some of these thoughts but it’s actually not your place to try to insert yourself into this area of my life.

Respectfully-or not. I don’t care how you take this anymore. Shut the fuck up and get out of my private business.

Thanks guys. :P

#tw depressing thoughts #excuse the swearing #is Harley my alter? #does anybody know my mental status? #I need something to stop my thoughts from moving so fast #maybe I should just go to sleep #I think that’s it for tonight #harleythealter

[zweetpea]

Freedom or Anarchy? Part 2 of 2

Cw: cringe, swears, innuendos. Mondstadt arc has concluded. Next chapter will hopefully be out by Monday. (Expect Monday or Tuesday)

‘Where am I?’

‘What happened to me?’

‘I wanna go home!’

“Time to get up.” You hear someone call. The voice sounds familiar, deep and most likely male (you don’t want to assume). 

You open your eyes and see blue. You’re still groggy from Albedo’s tea so you can’t really stand. Someone picks you up, supporting you under your legs and you back. 

‘Hang on, if this is Mondstadt… the only man with blue here is.’ “Kae…ya?” You say groggily. 

“She speaks… or are you a he? Hard to tell.” He sets you down on a couch in an office.

“This is the terrorist Albedo gave us?” Lisa asks. You can’t quite move but you aren’t as tired as before. 

“We’ll have to tie… him? Her? …Ah up! Tie up the terrorist.” Jean says. 

“Them… I’m gender fluid. I go by them. Sometimes I’m a he, sometimes I’m a she. But my pronouns are always them.”

“Well, at least we’re getting answers.” Lisa giggles. 

You say as Kaeya binds your wrists and ankles with rope. You lean forward onto him and whisper to only him. “Tighter, daddy~” 

“Sky, where did you say that Light and Paimon ran off to?” Kaeya asks, embarrassed and blushing. 

“We’ve met Barbatos, they went off to find him.” Aether says. That’s right, the twins didn’t tell anybody their real names. 

“We’re back! And we’ve brought a friend!” Paimon cheers. 

“Obviously this goes without saying but no one can mention this man’s true identity, okay.” Jean states with a harsh tone that you’ve never heard from her before. Everyone nods, except for you. 

Venti walks towards you and you look at him. “Are you the one Celestia fears?” 

“I have no idea what that means.” 

“The descender, the honored one, the adored one. Do any of these names ring a bell?” 

“No?” 

“Do not lie to me! Albedo said-” 

“Why the F you lyin’~ why you always lyin’~” 

“…” 

“Sorry I have a tendency to reference memes and vines. I’m Gen Z, it’s a part of who we are. I’m kidding, I think that’s just me.” 

“So the Adored One has a name, Jen.”

“No that’s-” 

“And these “Me-ms” and “vines” must be your sacred texts! You’re a nature spirit aren’t you!”

“No! And for the record I don’t think you are a god!” 

“Wow, the honored one looks down upon me.” 

“Boys, Girls, and squirrels, listen up! Because I’ll only say this once. I’m not from this world. I want to go home. The world I come from none of you are real.” 

“Honored one, saying “Boys, Girls, and squirrels” doesn’t help your claim that you aren’t a nature spirit.” 

“Oh for Shucks sake. Actually can I swear in here? I don’t think so. Hell! Bullshit! Kaeya’s tight Ass! Lisa’s big boobies! Mmhmm boobies~” you start to laugh maniacally. “I need to be put in a mental hospital.” 

“Oh for the love of-” Lumine cuts herself off and goes up to you then shakes your. “Pull yourself together long enough for us to get answers.” 

“Right, right. I’m just a college kid who majored in computer science and engineering. The world I come from you all are a game and I hacked into your code which brought me here. That “Boys, Girls, and squirrels” comment comes from a YouTuber I watch semi frequently.”

(A/n: Danny Motta is his name. He’s pretty funny. Go check him out) 

“How’d you heal Stormterror then.” Aether asked. 

“The sustainer of heavenly principles gave me her powers.” 

“So… none of us are real?” Amber asks. 

“Well, I don’t know how I’d be here if you guys weren’t real but to me you’re just a game. Any of you can be killed and revived at the Statue of the Seven.” 

“I suppose that does poke holes in my credibility as an archon.” Venti twiddles his thumbs. 

“Can I please leave now? I can take Dvalin with me and we can just leave.” 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. If Stormterror is still enraged we can’t let him destroy other nations. It could spark an all out war.” Jean says. 

“What if we let them stay at that broken down building?” Aether suggests. 

“I still think that we should keep Jen here just in case Stormterror gets any more ideas about attacking Mondstadt.” 

“So we use Jen as a bargaining chip?” Lumine chimes in. 

“Exactly.” 

“Okay if you guys are going to call me Jen can you at least make it Gen with a G? I want to be different.” 

“But Jean! Isn’t that basically asking Stormterror for a fight?” 

“Amber’s right Jean. If we’re going to keep them here we’ll need a plan to tame Stormterror.” Lisa says. 

“I’ll tame him.” Venti says assuredly. “We just have to keep them here long enough for me to calm him down.” 

“BARBATOS!” Dvalin calls from outside. “GIVE ME BACK WHATS MINE!” 

“Everyone! To your stations! Protect the city at all costs!” Jean shouts and everyone rushes from the room. 

“Shit! I have to get out of here!” 

“Master Jean! I’m scared!” Klee runs into the office. 

“Klee! Perfect timing, I’m your brother’s friend.”

“Your big brother Albedo’s friend? Why are you tied up?” 

“It’s a long story. Right now I need you to untie me so I can save everyone.” 

“You can do that? I don’t know, usually only bad people are tied up.” 

“No no! Klee it’s more complicated. You want to save Albedo and Jean and Kaeya, Lisa, Amber, Razor and everyone else right? Then you have to untie me so I can make Stormterror go away.” 

“How do I know that you aren’t lying?” 

‘If gold knows me. Chances are Alice will too.’ “Your mom knows me. I’m the adored one. You can ask her about me.” 

“Mom knows you?”

“Yeah, and you know about Albedos secret lab in the mountains right? I’ve been there. He told me about how much he cared about you.” 

“You’ve gone there?! You really do know Albedo. Okay!” She comes over and unties you. 

“Thanks.” You go over to the window, open it up and shout. “Dvalin!” He comes rushing to you at your cry and you jump out the window and grab onto his tail. 

He flies towards the woods and you land in a stone arena. “Andrius! I need a favor.” 

“What could the East Wind possibly want from me?” 

“Protect the Adored one at all costs. 

“How can this puny human be the Adored one?”

As the two bicker you quietly sneak away. As you climb out of the arena you stop when you see black boots and look up. 

“Who are you.” Diluc looks down at you. 

“I am iron man.” 

“Iron man?” Dvalin roses as he and Andrius start to brawl. 

“Can you get me out of here?” 

“Are you the one rumored to have healed Stormterror?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Come on.” He grabs your arm and hoists you up. He then picks you up and throws you over his shoulder and starts to run. 

“Hey! Am I just a sack of potatoes to you?” 

“Quiet down or they’ll hear us.” He runs and runs until you two get to a water bank. “Follow this past west and you’ll be in Liyue.” He tells you as he sets you down. 

“Oh wow. My own dark knight. How romantic. Well for saving the fair ward of the dragon you get a kiss, as a reward.” 

“No thank you.” He grimaces at you. 

“Oh come on! I was promised debauchery! You’re no fun.” 

“Just leave.” 

“Thanks for saving me! I’m coming back for that kiss though!” You say as you run off. 

‘Hot dragon archon here I come! Please be like a lizard and have two co-‘

#sagau #sagau x reader #sagau cult au #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin x you #sagau genshin #genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau #kaeya x reader #lisa x reader #venti x reader #amber x reader #aether x reader #lumine x reader #diluc x reader #dvalin #andrius #klee #genshin cult au

[beardedmrbean]

https://x.com/fuckkoroks/status/1780650702894989334?s=46

Canadian government: *Treated their native population so inhuman Andrew Jackson would blush*

Leftist: Pushing for MAID on the homeless is the result of capitalism

Okay does leftists talk to any mentally ill person who don’t romanticize mental disorders often tell them it usually the GOVERNMENT that cause issues for us

Let me use my autism as example, as you already know the idea of autism=low functioning muted white kid

Also non white and female autistic people, when you are usually part of communities that barely understand mental illness as it is. You usually are undiagnosed for a while

Of course it got better…but the autistic “community” on tumblr shows the bitterness

Ugh another rate, I hate how modern kids media tell autistic kids (it’s fucking insufferable with black kids characters) that it a SUPERPOWER

But as you know the government been trying to kill people like me for generations as we are “burdens” to the system

Yes yes this in Canada, but I don’t understand how leftists are shocked by it?

What easier for an out of touch government, spending millions of dolllars in mental rehabilitation…I think lefties presume mentally recovery is like a kid cartoon character arc. Just because a lot of us don’t act like Hollywood ideas of a damage person. Doesn’t mean it don’t take a few years to recover (I’m still am)

Or old yeller such a burden?

Sorry for ranting

I feel like everything with that tweet is being misrepresented by everyone, leftist on purpose other person because they didn't read the article, a mistake I will not make. Let's see if I'm right

Article link

If a Canadian’s only affliction was “poverty,” 27 per cent said they would be fine with legalizing that person’s access to MAID. Another 28 per cent pegged “homelessness” as an appropriate bar to qualify for MAID. And 20 per cent of respondents were fine with MAID being handed out to anybody for any reason. In other words, one fifth of respondents agreed with the sentiment “medical assistance in dying should always be allowed, regardless of who requests it.” Notably, these most absolutist supporters of assisted suicide were pretty evenly distributed among age groups, regions and even political demographics: 20 per cent Conservatives, 20 per cent of NDPers and 22 per cent of Liberals were in the “always be allowed” camp.

Disturbing so far, but nothing to do with capitalism, there's poor people in every socioeconomic system and statistically lower number in capitalist/mixed economies.

One of the more controversial aspects of MAID has been a number of high-profile cases in which Canadians with serious illnesses opted for death only after years of failing to obtain proper medical care. The Research Co. poll found a slim majority of respondents who were fine with this, too; 51 per cent endorsed “inability to receive medical treatment” as sufficient reason for an assisted death.

The state's medical system not being able to treat people is not the fault of capitalism, not after they offered maid to the woman who just wanted a lift put in so she go upstairs in her home more easily.

The practice of referring or recommending assisted suicide has also spread well beyond the traditional boundaries of the health-care system. Notably, MAID is routinely practised within the Canadian prison system, despite similar measures proving deeply controversial in Belgium, a pioneer in assisted suicide legalization.

Ya this is government cost cutting measures at this point, not a capitalist issue given the people that seem to be being offered it, that and all the reports I've seen were there actually seems to be some pressure being offered to get the procedure.

They should go back to being honest and calling it assisted suicide.

Bunch of related stuff But as you know the government been trying to kill people like me for generations as we are “burdens” to the system Yes yes this in Canada, but I don’t understand how leftists are shocked by it?

Wait they're shocked? They've been some of the one's leading the charge

I don't know what snopes says but the mixture for me is that they can't actually eliminate down syndrome, it's not something their eugenics program can accomplish.

Cystic fibrosis they could do by sterilizing anyone that has the gene, granted if one parent does and one doesn't the odds of a CF child drop to zero, so genetic screening and tell parents where both have the gene they can't have kids maybe, see how that goes over.

What easier for an out of touch government, spending millions of dolllars in mental rehabilitation…I think lefties presume mentally recovery is like a kid cartoon character arc. Just because a lot of us don’t act like Hollywood ideas of a damage person. Doesn’t mean it don’t take a few years to recover (I’m still am)

Time to spruce up the sanatoriums they closed down decades ago so we can jail people who have committed no crime, or committed a crime that doesn't generally carry a prison sentence under the guise of 'it's for their own good'

But ya it's easier to live in a fantasy land where forcing people into treatment might actually work than it is to work with people and try and get them to decide that it might be a good idea.

Or old yeller such a burden?

To be fair Old Yeller had rabies, that was a mercy killing, fatal 100% of the time and a nasty way to go.

I do get your point though.

Sorry for ranting

No apologies needed, not sure when I'm gonna be able to have the time to get through whatever your next one is though, 98% chance going to get me pa from the hospital tomorrow and if so everything is gonna be delayed a bit.

#zoomer huey anon

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Can't be all perks

Warnings: heavy angst!!

I listened to this whilst writing

Thank you to everyone who voted on the who-to-kill poll! We're nearing the end of my Xue Yang writing era <3

Enjoy!!

Being a sect heir comes with many perks. The most obvious is, of course, financial freedom. The money. If you're the son of a sect leader, even if it's a smaller sect, cash racks in and you have nearly unlimited access to it.

Ouyang Zizhen has never been a frivolous spender, though - well, if you don't count his propensity for books, that is. He does have a large, diverse library of literature of all kinds, from all lands that merchants sell from, and he has no qualms adding more to it whenever the chance arises. He loves to read nearly as much as he loves to write.

That's another thing he splurges on - writing brushes and fine quality paper. He always argues that the quality of his stories should be reflected in the medium they are written in - a bit of an arrogant assessment considering most of his stories are... adult commissions, to put it elegantly, but this has historically been the only way for his father to be convinced that his son's hobby shouldn't be done away with in favor of something else, "more useful".

Well, to Zizhen, writing is very useful. Not only does he make some extra cash of his own on the side (that he doesn't have to account to anybody for, unlike his sect money), but it also makes him happy. He likes creating worlds, characters and convoluted situations to put them in. It's like mentally playing with dolls - or at least that's what Jingyi says, and Zizhen agrees.

The second best perk of being a sect heir is the fact that, with some exceptions, he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants to. He can even use the guise of "furthering sect relations" to travel to his heart's content, visiting his friends in Gusu, or even taking the trip to Lanling to gossip with Jin Ling.

He's been enjoying this perk a lot more than usual now that the days are longer and the weather has warmed up. The discussion conference is next month, which means his father is particularly busy setting up his long list of insufferable complaints, so Zizhen is free to roam the land for a few more weeks until his old man remembers about him.

Zizhen doesn't mind this one bit. He gets to visit high mountain peaks and beautiful cliffs overlooking the sea, fairs and festivals, faraway places he's only ever read about.

The third perk of being a sect heir is that he gets to help people sometimes only using his status. As annoying as his father can be, sect leader Ouyang has managed to gain quite a bit of a name after he sealed some advantageous trade deals and doing away with unnecessary expenditures (bless his new advisors!) - so now people respect his name more than they ever used to. In fact, after Zizhen's lectures in Gusu, he himself has encouraged his father take in more people to turn into disciples and set out for more frequent night hunts in the area. People needed help, and if the Ouyang sect could provide it, benefits on both sides would come pouring in.

Zizhen has always been like that - so very aware of his privileged position in the world and seeking to use that privilege to help the less fortunate. He knows the way the world works, has seen it firsthand in his many travels. The rich and powerful live in a world of their own, unwilling, or at the very least unaware, that, in fact they share that world with everybody else.

Zizhen has seen it all - the beatings, the abuse, the mockery. And so he swore to himself he is never going to be an accomplice to that. If there's anybody that can help, it's those that have the means to - politically, financially, through cultivation. And he's one of those people. He wants to be.

So, he doesn't regret this. It would be hypocritical of him to. In a way, he's always expected it would happen like this - because being a sect heir doesn't only have perks.

There are perils too.

He takes in a deep breath, and tries to sit properly against the tree, feeling the soft caress of the moss against the nape of his neck. It makes him smile, how he's never appreciated it before.

The wound in his stomach seeps blood over his ornate robes much like the nearby river seeps water down tall rocks, crystalline in the faint moonlight. He wonders if his blood glistens like that in the diffuse lighting, like fireflies dancing on top of a lake...

He smiles again. He really can't help being poetic, can he? Whatever could be poetic about somebody dying alone, in a forest far away from home, after allowing himself to believe a sob story about people needing help nobody else had bothered to provide?

Zizhen has always believed the world is full of good people, and so he has forgotten that there are bad people out there too. Bad people that hate him without having ever met him, people that want him dead just because of his name or the conditions he was born in. People that don't know how much good he has done, or the plans he has to reform his sect and help those that nobody has ever paid attention to. How much he disagrees with his father, though he loves him, how much he wishes that the name he carries will only be associated with kindness.

Zizhen doesn't regret this, no. He doesn't regret standing up for that young lady in the streets just now - those thugs were so much stronger than her, and they would have taken her away and hurt her had Zizhen not intervened. Who knows what horrors she would have had to endure had he not charged at her assailants?

It's better that it's him and not her, right? ...right?

There was no way for him to know who they were and what vendetta they had with his father. He would have still defended that young lady even if he knew, no doubt about it - but he would have tried to hide his face or conceal his identity in some way.

But he didn't, and it's too late for that now. At least the young lady managed to run away. Now that he thinks about it, Zizhen's dying a hero. An unsung, nameless hero, but a hero nevertheless.

He wonders if anyone will notice he's gone. They're used to him being away for long periods of time, so they probably won't. Father is busy with his sect business, mother is... not around. He doesn't have any siblings... his friends are all busy, living their lives in their own homes and sects... It will be a while before anyone realizes Zizhen has been gone for too long, and even more so until they find his body.

Or whatever will be left of him. There are many animals living in this forest, the moment they pick up on his scent, they'll probably...

Zizhen feels tears slide down his face. He really wishes he wasn't alone right now... He's always tried so hard to make friends and keep them close just so he wouldn't feel so lost and abandoned all the time. He always wrote everyone letters and invited them over and shared his passions with them - tried so fucking hard to surround himself with the love he always felt he was missing.

But such is life - the more you chase something, the further away it gets.

It shouldn't be so cold, it's the middle of summer. But Zizhen feels chills climbing up his spine, and a muted terror settles into his bones. He's going to die, he's really going to die, any moment now. He's going to die without having ever fallen in love, without having had a family, without having achieved anything at all. He's going to die and there will be nothing left of him in the world, nobody will remember he even existed in a few dozen years.

He won't ever get to see his father again, his home, his friends, he's won't ever get to finish all the books he's collected, he won't ever get to live again.

He wishes he could scream, but it all hurts too much, and his body feels numb and distant, his vision blurry at the edges. He thinks he almost sees them, his family, his friends, running through the foliage to find him, to hold him in his last moments.

But he knows that's not true. Nobody is coming for him. Nobody but death.

But there is something Zizhen doesn't realize, not as his eyes turn glassy and opaque, not as his chest stills and his heart stops beneath his ribcage. Not even as the tears and the blood dry, not even as, despite his last thoughts, his loved ones rush to look for him and break down in tears when they find him.

He doesn't realize he'll always live on, in the stories he has written, in the world he has created, his soul weaved into every word, his voice laid down in dozens upon dozens of pages.

Because, really, artists never truly die,and they're never truly forgotten either. There will always be something keeping them tethered to the world, something delicate and beautiful, something that will live on beyond them, beyond time - something love-shaped.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #writing attempts #oyzz #this hit in the meow meow im gonna go cry now

[humming-pokemon-helpers]

Okay, building off of yesterday's post. Using moves as a hybrid!

I've learned quite a few in my 25 years! Some I've almost known from birth, some I've learned naturally with age, and some I've put a lot of time and effort into! It's definitely a lot easier to use a move if you're naturally born to use it (i.e. it's in your "learn set", as we call it), but learning moves with TMs and tutoring is still possible! It just takes longer to stick. Let's take a look at a few of them! Plus my personal reviews.

Scratch! Baby's first move, essentially. It's simple, it's easy, and it takes a really low amount of "type energy". There still is a difference between scratching something and Scratch-ing something, but it's easy enough to distinguish that even newborn Zorua figure it out rather quickly. Maybe it's instinctual, like Tackle or Pound? In any case, as a move, it's good for simplicity, but almost too easy to use without thought.

Torment. A status move. Status moves are interesting, in that they use similar strategies to tormenting a live person, but have nearly uniform effects. In this case, preventing repetition of... not just moves, but a lot of behaviors too. As someone on the receiving end of some moves, it's interesting how... universally effective they are. Regardless of species, mental capacity, etc., Torment seems to prevent repeated actions in all Pokémon. Maybe it's also related to types and the energy that all Pokémon are governed by. It's still definitely creepy to be affected by it, though! Easy to learn, easy to use, useful impacts.

Snarl. This one took a lot of effort to learn, mostly because I accidentally picked it up while learning to speak. Most Zorua... don't need to learn Snarl to snarl. My circumstances are arguably different. Luckily, Snarl is a useful move. Even if effortful learning meant it was less powerful for a while until I fully mastered it, and also meant I hated the process of learning it the whole way through. My main takeaway from this move was... please have patience when using TMs with your Pokémon pals. We might suck for a while. It's ok.

I'll keep this short-ish for now, to spare you the whole litany of moves I know, but one more for now: Bitter Malice! As it's recently been dubbed, anyways. To be completely honest, as a kid, I thought Wolfgang and I made this one up. That we were so frustrated and bitter at the world that we had single-handedly created some move built off of pure... upset. Turns out that's actually natural for Hisuian Zorua. Relative to the usual procession of move-learning, though, I got this one a bit early. This is a move that's... incredibly difficult to use if you're not in the right mindset, if that makes sense. Most moves are like that to some degree--if a Fire-type's feeling down, their flame sacs aren't going to produce fire as well. But this move especially... if you're not really fucking resentful of something or someone, it's not working. The effects when it does work are chilling, though. Strong enough to cause frostbite and exacerbate it on a second use. I'm just glad not many Pokémon learn it, really. Not the sort of thing anybody should be feeling on a regular basis.

#pokeblogging #pkmn irl #long post #//a little mix of move headcanons! went long with it ^^"

[blackrosesmatron]

△ + "But why not allow him to know, even if just a little fragment, of the vast ocean of feelings you cradle beneath?" She would ask from the Mirror as if nonchaotically drinking a glass of wine. A couple of Pixies fluttering out, carrying a glass & a bottle with impressive strength given their little shapes. Like dutiful maids, they would also serve the glass for their Enchantress' twin with precise skill.

"... Is our dear Hemomancer not meant as romantic material on your side? You actually spoke truly fondly of him, & after centuries of cradling so much, I can't help but wonder what stops you." Now she wondered, given their experiences differ despite parallels.

"He would be beyond foolish if he didn't reciprocate your sentiments... Look at you, the absolute Epitome of Beauty, Power & Intelligence."

Was it Narcissistic to speak this way? Well, none said she couldn't pay compliments to herself in the middle of this sudden novela~

Send me a △ and ask a really invasive question aimed at my character: accepting

She didn't need to be a seer to foresee that question being asked right after the previous inquiry on whether Emilia thought her longtime ally attractive or not. Yet, that was worse - far worse than the previous one. Raising a hand, she signed to the pixies stop before they could approach the sorceress and serve her anything, as she was not feeling like joining her dear twin on a drink.

Her expression also changed to a more somber one. "On the contrary, he knows quite well how to be romantic and insistent. He does seem to have a foolish hope that I will eventually change my mind and give him a chance, no matter how many times I have turned him down through the centuries." The statement alone already told a lot about the current status of their relationship.

"As for why I do not share my feelings and thoughts, well, because I am a coward." There was nothing else to say about it. "I am a coward and I am absolutely terrified of loving anybody - for emotions are prone to cloud one's judgment, leading to vulnerability. Emotions are a poweful tool to be exploited, and I know it for I do it on a daily basis with others." That was not all, and she knew she had been hexed to tell the truth and further share what went through her mind and heart.

"I am afraid of loving and losing, for love is nothing but allowing others to hurt you. To allow life to hurt you. Everybody I held dear was taken from me by the Kindred, with only two exceptions until recently, and one of them not being able to actually die." Having such a reassuring thought on the Demoness of Agony did help Emilia to feel without the fear of losing. "I already fear for my dear duckling every day, and that was the reason why I turned against our former Master, as well as the reason I don't disclose the fact we know one another to anybody but Evelynn and Vladimir." Veigar was far too precious to her, and the mere thought he could be in danger was enough to make Emilia panic.

"Briar is nearly indestructible, so it is easy to allow myself to love and show it to her. Plus, my mentality changed a lot since the last time I had to mother anybody." Her brothers, the ones she should have protected and raised. The images of their corpses on their house flooded back to the front of her mind, forcing LeBlanc to actually put her acting skills to the test as to not show how much that question was affecting her.

She was disclosing a lot until that point in hopes to avoid the main topic, but alas, there were no more names to be listed but Vladimir's.

"I have loved Vladimir for over a thousand years now. I hated him when we first met, thought of him to be too vain, annoying and short-sighted. He could have much more than just a few small tribes adoring him as a God. How wrong I was, but I learned quickly he was not what he seemed to be. Before I knew it, I had fallen for him, and with the love came the fear. We would face Mordekaiser together and I knew his set of skills were not the best against him. Hemomancy does not work on someone who has no flesh and bones that can be manipulated. Still, against all odds, we won, and I had to push him away because I knew more would come our way and I could not bear the idea of losing him to the Kindred again. I know he is quite capable of defending himself, but fear does turn us irrational." She sighed, already feeling herself growing emotionally exhausted in sharing so much.

"I know now how foolish I was, because pushing him away only served to hurt both of us and did not make me love him any less. And after so long avoiding him, I feel like I am finally about to lose him. We are slowly drifting apart and I don't think I should try to change it. I don't even think I could change it and make him believe me again even if I tried to be honest and share all of this." There was something about knowing your end was approaching. It put things into a new perspective and it was forcing LeBlanc to reevaluate everything she had done with her life until that point.

"Perhaps it is better this way." She concluded, hand going to the nape of her neck, where Mordekaiser had branded her with his Sigil. She still could feel it, as a constant reminder that his return was near. "He will suffer less when I'm gone, and will have the empire all for himself, without me trying to hold him back from openly ruling Noxus." One last gift to her loved one.

"As for how uncomfortable that question made me on a scale from 0 to 10, it was a solid 12." With that, Emilia stood up from her chair in front of the mirror, covering it with a black velvet cloth, and leaving the room.

#“would i lie?” (answered) #angelicxlly #angelicxlly [LeBlanc] #drinkthepain #heredis sanguinis #V: “I am everywhere. I am everyone!” (Default verse) #under readmore due to length

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

But the citizens of Westview do know about it. How are they going to get them to be quiet? I assume they had friends/family outside of Westview who couldn't contact them for a week or so during the time the Hex was up. What will they tell them? Will they lie to them as well? This sounds a little convoluted.

Not to mention, it is my understanding that Scott's book basically tells everything about the team, the missions, etc + Wanda is well-known and probably not well-liked (as per CW's news footage after Lagos), so the people know about her and her powers.

Even if the Hex is not covered at all in Scott's book, it still means the general populace is privy to a lot of information regarding missions and the like, so why hide this one specifically?

Oddly enough I'd like it better if the people of 616 knew about it all. Wanda admitted she had been wrong, that she had made a mistake and she had hurt those citizens... and now S.W.O.R.D. will cover it up? If it's to avoid going public with Hayward's crimes then perhaps I could understand it, but... I'm not sure I like this.

Also, does anybody remember White Vision is still out there?!

It sounds like a bad idea or an attempt to give the Avengers a bad name. This was Wanda, not the team, and she had a mental breakdown. Funny how what Ronin did is not even brought up as something that needs to be covered up, huh? I'm trying to understand why this even needs to be kept a secret and I can't figure out why unless they don't want to be seen as incapable of controlling the enhanced (given that the Accords have been repealed).

All in all, this would be grounds for another TWS if anything but I unfortunately doubt Marvel is capable of pulling off anything even remotely similar to that level of quality these days since they're going hard on the pro status quo narrative as of late.

But goddamn what wouldn't I give for a story where S.W.O.R.D. hides this to give the team a bad name and fuck up Sam as Cap, then when the truth comes out the Potus (remember the Secret Invasion speech, anyone?) and allies go hard against nonhuman beings and we get the introduction of the X-Men along with the Avengers teaming up again with Sam leading to take S.W.O.R.D down. Basically another TWS but with Sam as Cap. Gimme, gimme 😜

#wanda maximoff #obligatory this is a rumour bla bla #I wonder... was Johannesburg covered up too? Lagos wasn't and it hit the news pretty much immediately after

[rowdychickens]

some naruto werewolf au doodles ... kakashi time (ft baby fox shifter naruto) . sorry about having to censor nips despite him being a man tumblr will see a pre op trans man and shoot laserbeams at my head :( Au details in the read more teehee

- Kakashis whole lineage is werewolves basically, sakumo being the most “known” one, the lineage of werewolves being mostly unknown by others and his father trying to keep his status as a werewolf a secret for his safety, to prevent him being used by the village. - werewolves in this AU are more “wolf like” than human like and their natural forms are usually the more wolf like ones, wether it be a werewolf or a full wolf form, most are also born looking more typically like wolves. the human form is usually more of a learned thing and most of their instincts are wolf-like in nature - admired his father greatly, spent most of his time in his wolf forms as a young child sakumo having to try desperately to teach him he cannot do this in public for his safety. - after sakumos passing he grew to hate the werewolf side of himself and lineage, coming to believe part of sakumos ridicule was due to being a werewolf. most still didnt know of him being a werewolf at all and assumed some of his wolfy traits were simply from how his father raised him - later upon joining anbu it would be discovered he was a werewolf, this would be exploited heavily for use for the village. although kept mostly a secret to the public and often other anbu groups. worst time in his life and began viewing himself as a monster and dehumanizing himself even further - After naruto was born and lost his parents to the nine tails attack kakashi wished to raise him, in part because of the child being a fox shifter similar to himself, the uzumaki heritage all having been foxes (though naruto himself was a nine tailed fox ofc, already ridiculed because of being born so close to the attack - despite growing very close to the child and doing his best to care for the baby during the period where no one else would, he was deemed unfit and too dangerous or mentally unstable to care for the child at the time and was forbidden from it I HAVENT thought as far past these parts of the au but meeting naruto again when he had to train him was probably pretty emotional and difficult to maintain the aloof mysterious teacher persona and naruto probably had some idea that kakashi was like him in regards to being a kinda werebeast and being very exciteable abt  it like omg youre like me i can tell and kakashi being like haha noo... (despite being safer for him to share that fact abt himself he probably has a lot of baggage about like. anybody knowing) naruto probably does find out later ensue wholesome werebeast bonding moment. i like these two to have a father son relationship im sorry iruka also guy was definitely a big help in him getting to view himself in a better light  growing up and coming  out of anbu and dealing with all his issues, one of the few people who knows his status about being a werewolf

#rowdysart #naruto #kakashi hatake #naruto uzumaki #kinda. for that last tag. hes there but hes a widdle baby

[awokerph]

—— crawlers starters.

a remake of my old starter list based on my favourite crawlers songs from a blog ive long since deleted. feel free to change as you see fit, and stan + stream crawlers bc they are fruity as hell (minus harry we love him tho).

warnings for: alcoholism, weed, implications of an ED as well as self harm.

COME OVER (AGAIN).

"You can't fake it; that's telling."

"You're too young to know her."

"I think I'll go to sleep."

"I won't think about you."

"Come over."

"Come over again."

"I want you to know I see how you used to be before you knew me."

"I see how you used to be before you knew me."

"I'm just so sick, I can't even look at myself."

"I can't even look at myself."

"It's a mental hell."

"Take her name out of her mouth."

"You don't deserve to mourn."

"You just love the attention."

"Do you get bored?"

"Just wait 'til you're sure."

"Pity she's a whore."

MONROE.

"I hate my mirror."

"If she's pretty, then I like me."

"They act like they don't want me."

"I see you every night."

"Please, love."

"I want control."

"At least I've got my money."

"Guess all I'm worth is fucking money."

"Tell 'em to be nice."

BREATHE.

"I'm losing myself and I don't know how."

"Let me breathe!"

"Breathe."

"Will you ever learn?"

"It'll stab you in the back when your back is turned."

"We won't set ourselves in our own demise."

STATUES.

"You're the ulcer that always tends to bleed."

"We don't smoke the same weed."

"You make me so calm."

"Let the statues fall."

"Does it feel right? Does it?"

I CAN'T DRIVE.

"I drove my car off the bridge."

"Fuck it, I can't drive."

"But I like to imagine."

"I cried into her arms, I never cry like that."

"Take it from me."

"I'm not looking for anybody."

"It's loud without noise."

"I think my head hates my guts."

"It's been seven months."

"I saw you with her."

"The months felt like filler."

"I'm not angry, I just really thought you cared."

"It's only when you're drunk, you give me time to spare."

"I wanna start smoking just to feel the rush."

"I liked someone who did it once."

"I wanna get off this road I'm on."

"It's best not to think."

"I don't think of it often, not unless I drink."

"Am I the bad guy here?"

"Give it a few years."

"Give it a few years and you'll be in the backseat."

"I can't even drive."

"I just needed something to romanticise."

"My mother said she was right."

"My mother said she was right when she said "take it from me.""

I DON'T WANT IT.

"I don't want it."

"I don't."

"I can't escape it."

"Would you start to love me if I tried to lose a little weight?"

"I just want your attention."

"I'm not an addict."

"Can't you see I'm self-aware?"

"I saw your message."

"I'll ignore it."

"Life is over, not begun."

"It's not self-harm."

"It's not self-harm, we are smiling."

"I love the drinks when we're not buying."

"I'm not precious."

#roleplay meme #inbox meme #roleplay starters #roleplay #tumblr rpc #rph #roleplay help #*meme #*mine #*starter #*inbox #awokerph #alcohol tw #weed tw #eating disorder tw #ed tw #sh tw #self harm tw #do not romanticise

[amberrskiies]

Truthful Words Were Spoken - MC! Monday Prompt #4

Prompt : MC accidentally drinks a truth potion around everyone. Seeing the opportunity, Asmodeus asks MC what they think about each and everyone one of them. What does MC say?

Characters : Amber (MC) && The Seven Brothers

Pairing : Leviathan && Amber (MC) [ Romantic Relationship ]

Status : Dating

Timeline : Season 2 of the game and takes place a few weeks after MC! Amber told Belphie about having feelings for him before

Prompt provided by @obeythedemons ! For the full MC! Monday List, it can be found here!

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

Amber wanted to say that she hated Asmodeus right about now. But she couldn't as all eyes were on her from all the seven brothers. She really hated herself for being dragged into these kinds of messes.

Right now she literally drank a truth potion without her knowledge until she realized a little too late what she drank. She would have walked out of the room but the minute Asmo asked that question, she knew she was trapped.

Her eyes darted from one brother to the other, all having faces of either anxiousness or anticipation from what she would say. Her eyes landed on Levi who seemed to look more nervous than anybody else.

She didn't want to speak about her entire feelings towards them at all but who was she stop herself. If they wanted to know, then now is a good time or it will be never considering she hates keeping stuff from others sometimes. Especially with the people she's become close with for months now. She couldn't keep it hidden like that anymore.

"Alright alright! Just stop staring at me... please...?" She breathed out, nearly shouting in the process due to frustration which scared Mammon and Levi a little at the outburst.

She took a deep breath before looking through the room before it landed on Mammon. She went forward and grabbed his arm.

"You're coming with me first. After that, you're gonna send in the next person to my room." She told him as he nodded nervously as he was dragged away from the others in the living room.

Mammon

When Mammon walked with Amber to her in the silence, he couldn't help but feel really anxious about this. Sure he had stolen somethings but the first and last thing he stole from her was the necklace which hung around her neck. From then on he had made a mental note to never go near her room ever again to steal.

They stopped in front of her room as she slowly opened it and went inside as Mammon followed behind her, closing the door but keeping it ajar. He then went over to where Amber was sitting and sat beside her on the edge of the bed, waiting for what she was going to say.

"From first glance, i actually found you pretty neat to say the least." Amber started, making Mammon flinch slightly as he looked at her.

"We both know you weren't so fond of me at first since you'd have to look after me all the time which meant being dragged into your messes. Honestly, I find it fun when I get dragged into messes with you even though my main mission is to get you out of it." She said as she smiled, making the second born ease up a little.

"You remind me of someone who used to take care of me as well when I was at the orphanage. He was older than me by 6 years and acted like he was my older brother all the time. He moved away from the country at some point when he was legal of age to do it. I guess that's why I feel protected as well when I am around you. You have that big brother aura even if people don't think you're a good older brother." She confessed as Mammon intently listened to her.

"Just remember that whenever your brothers say these things, they aren't true. You can't control your own sin like how Beel or Belphie can't. Even if you think they don't care for you, they do, okay? I just know they do." She finished as Mammon gripped the fabrics of his jeans as he tried not to cry at her heartfelt words.

"Come here." She said offering him a hug which he gladly took. After a bit they pulled away as Mammon wiped his eyes.

"Thanks for bein' honest with me, Amber." He said as she smiled softly at him.

"Anytime. Now please tell Lucifer to come by next." She told him as he nodded and left the room.

Lucifer

Lucifer sat around in the living room with everyone, waiting to be called. He wasn't sure what Amber was going to say about him but he knew there were many things she would want to say. Right then on cue, Mammon had entered the room.

"It's yer turn, Lucifer." Mammon said. Lucifer could evidently make out his brother's eyes being puffy but he didn't seem to show any sadness.

He nodded and got up from his seat as he made his way to her room. This was one of the days the Avatar of Pride felt nervous hearing honest words coming from the Human Exchange Student that has been living with him and his brothers.

He stopped in front of her door which stood ajar as he knocked on it before entering to find her waiting for him. He did the same thing as Mammon as he sat down beside her, waiting for her to speak.

"At first, I didn't really like you much." She started as Lucifer remained quiet.

"I guess the main reason being how you were towards me or the amount of times you threatened to kill me. Of course those were my fault for getting involved and all so I guess I am in the wrong here as well. But... You're a good older brother Lucifer. A nice parent figure even if you don't show it the way one does." She told him as his eyes now were on her.

"In some cases, you remind me of the lady at the orphanage who took care of me when I was little. He would always look after me the way you do sometimes and being worried about my well-being. I have my respects for you but sometimes I just feel like messing around if you know what I mean." She finished as Lucifer sighed.

"You're family. Your priority matters to me as well." He breathed out as Amber nodded.

"I know. But Mammon doesn't deserve to punished for something he can't control. So please don't do these kinds of punishments. It hurts me a lot to see him hung up all the time." She told him as he stared at her before looking away.

"I'll try." He said as she nodded.

"I guess that's okay. Please tell Beel to come next." She told him as he nodded and left the room, leaving the human alone once again.

Beelzebub

Beelzebub looked around the room, which seemed much more anxious than before. Satan sat around with Mammon who seemed to be pretty quiet. He wasn't sure what Amber had to say about him but he wasn't sure if he was looking forward to it either like he wanted to at first. That's when he saw Lucifer enter.

"Go on, Beel." He said, not showing any signs of hurt but he didn't seem to know what to feel either.

Beel slowly got up from his seat and made way towards her room. He saw Amber as his family like everyone else did but if she was going to tell him about how she feels about them more honestly, then he doesn't really know what to say other than accept it.

He knocked on her door as he slowly entered to find her, looking through her D.D.D. before looking up to see the Avatar of Gluttony sitting beside her in silence, waiting for her to say something. After a bit of silence she spoke up.

"Upon greeting you the first time, I was kind of intimidated by you." She spoke as Beel felt a bit sad.

"But, after I got to know you better, I realized that you're not intimidating as may say you are. All I saw was somebody who cares about his family more than anything else. I always knew that you and Belphie were close the minute you told me how you missed him. Makes me wish I had siblings but my time at the orphanage made it feel like I had many siblings since we always looked out for each other." She told him as Beel smiled a little.

"Just remember one thing: Please don't blame yourself for what happened in the past. You had a choice and it would have ended the same way. Just know that everyone is happy right now to have you and everyone else. She wouldn't wnat you to blame yourself you know?" She spoke softly as she finished what she wanted to say as Beel pulled her in for a hug which she returned instantly.

"Are you okay?" She asked him as he nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks. You're really nice and I am glad to be able to call you as a part of out family." He said, pulling away after.

"Of course Beel. Same goes to you. Please bring Asmo in next." She told him as he nodded and got up and left the room as he speedwalked down the hall.

Asmodeus

Even if Asmodeus didn't show it much on the outside, he was pretty nervous on what Amber might say about her. Though on the outside he feels a little offended as how he wasn't the first person you wanted to be honest with. That's when he saw Beel walk in.

"Please tell me it's my turn!" Asmo whined impatiently.

"It's actually your turn..." Beel said as Asmo internally cheered as he got up and skipped past him.

He was a good friend to her as far as he knows but there were times he had made her slightly uncomfortable or just weirded her out but other than that there wasn't anything.

He slowly opened the door to find her swinging her feet before looking up to see the demon who was behind the question he had asked that basically got her stuck in this mess. Though at this point she wasn't complaining.

"Didn't think to see you cheerful. But of course I expected that." Amber said as Asmo sighed.

"True but I guess I am nervous on the inside but it's better not showing it than just feel it on the inside." He said, sitting down beside her.

"Honestly your personality really kind of scared. I know I am pretty open about myself as well but you're more of the party type of outgoing." She told him as Asmo kept listening.

"Though I am glad to have you as a friend who had accepted me as well as the others very fast. I didn't really have that many good friends when I was a teenager. Most of them didn't like me from time to time." She told him.

"Honey, you know very well how much you mean to all of us. Especially Levi. He loves you so much. More than any of us really. He was practically missing you the most when you left." He said, winking slightly as Amber playfully rolled her eyes, blushing slightly.

"Yeah I didn't expect to be able to come back here again." She said, letting out a sigh.

"I don't have much to say other than I am grateful to have you around." She said as Asmo 'awed' at her.

"Of course! Do you want me to bring in Satan or Belphie next?" He asked as she pondered for a bit before answering.

"Bring in Satan next, please." She told him as he instantly ran out the door.

Satan

Satan continued to read the book which he has been trying to for the past hour. But he wasn't even able to finish a single chapter due to the anxiety building up on what Amber would say about him.

He looked over at Mammon who seemed to have busied himself on his D.D.D. and just seemed to not look around anymore. That's when he saw Asmo who was ushering her to come as he closed his book and took of his reading glasses, making his way towards her room.

Whatever she would say about him right now, he was going to try and not lose his cool. She was going to be honest with him so there was nothing to get mad about. He knew what he had done in the past so it was obvious that she would have somethings to say.

He knocked on the slightly open door as he made his way inside to find her, waiting around while looking slightly bored. He took a deep breath before exhaling as he sat beside her as silence took over the room before she spoke up.

"When I first met you, you seemed to not really care much that i was going to be around you guys. Many people told me that to either stay away from you or the fact that you were a ticking time bomb about to explode any minute." She started as Satan didn't show any emotion as he continued listening.

"Sure I remember the countless times you nearly killed me because one time I didn't want to make a pact with you cause I know you wanted to get back at Lucifer but that doesn't mean I don't forgive you. Sure I might be being an idiot here but you changed a lot after I hung around you more. I actually look up to you for being very knowledgeable on many subjects here that it's fascinating and you're a really smart person Satan." She said, making the Avatar of Wrath widen his eyes in shock.

"I was honestly surprised at how hard you try to keep your wrath at bay and how you control it too. Honestly pulling pranks with you and Belphie against Lucifer is really enjoyable. But I just want you to remember that you're not a copy of Lucifer. You're your own person. You love reading books and cats whereas Lucifer is more interested in music and others. You're you and you should always remember that." She finished as Satan was no looking at her before looking away, smiling a little.

"Thank you." he said as Amber nodded while he got up.

"Anytime. I think you know who to bring in next." She told him as he hummed in response before leaving.

Belphegor

Belphegor was not looking forward to this. He remembers a few weeks back what she had told him. How she liked him before. If that was her being partially honest about one thing, he knew there was more.

That's when he saw Satan walk in as he instantly looked at his direction which said that it was his turn next. He slowly stood up while keeping his cow printed pillow in his arms as he walked down the hall slowly towards Amber's room.

He didn't feel like going over to her room, knowing how he had lied and manipulated her to the point he had held her at death's door was proof enough of what you had to say. He sighed and entered your room.

The minute both your eyes met his, you looked away slightly as he walked towards your bed and sat down. He wasn't sure what to say the room was silent for a longer period compared to how much silence there was with his other brothers besides Leviathan.

"You know... I actually enjoyed talking with you when you were stuck in the attic. I always looked forward to talk to you about my day..." She trailed off as Belphie stiffened slightly.

"But I guess I was too naive to even realize what I was getting myself into until a little too late." She said as Belphie remembered what he told when he was choking her with tail.

"But then you saw that i was alive and well and you could have killed me again but when Diavolo revealed me to be Lilith's distant descendant, it's like your whole demeanor changed and you just ditched the idea of it..." Belphie could hear the pain in her voice as she tried not to cry.

"I already told you that I used to have feelings for you... After everything that happened I just felt my heart break again just by looking at you. I feel like I am her replacement and that if I wasn't you wouldn't want to have me around... I know you keep on saying you like me just cause I am not related to Lilith in some way but it just doesn't seem that way to me sometimes..." She finished, not looking at him in the eye as he stayed quiet as well.

"I'm sorry." Belphie said getting up before looking at her.

"I promise I'll try to be better. I mean what I said but I am not gonna beat around the bush much..." He said but Amber didn't respond which Belphie got the idea that she didn't want to say anything to him anymore as he silently walked out the door.

Leviathan

Leviathan didn't know what to expect. He saw some of his brothers distracting themselves or just not sure what to feel. He anxiously tapped his foot on the floor, knowing he was the last one to go in.

That's when he saw Belphie enter the room looking upset to the point he might cry or something. Beel already went up to him as Leviathan quietly made his way to Amber's room.

He was nervous. Sure she was dating him but he had made his fair share of mistakes with her such as the TSL Quiz incident. He was the cause of why she got injured in the first place but yet she forgave him.

He sighed as he stood outside the door before slowly turning the knob and opening it to find her sniffling slightly and wiping the tears. This made Levi instantly come over to her and sit beside her as he tried her best to comfort her.

"D-Did anyone ever tell you how handsome and nice y-you are...?" She slightly stumbled in her words as she tried to stop herself from crying.

"Amber..." He trailed off, looking at the smaller female beside him.

"I used to think that you hated me or just didn't want me around at first. I knew you were just being a tsundere but sometimes I wondered if I annoyed you or something that you'd distance yourself from me at times..." She confessed as Levi cupped her cheeks and wiped away the tears as he sighed.

"It's best if I come out clean to you. I don't need a truth potion for this. I can assure what I am going to say will be the truth." He said as he looked down.

"I used to find you odd at first. You were so cheerful and outgoing and the fact that you were literally dragged here and didn't even have a single thought about what you were getting yourself into. I was also envious of how close you were becoming with other people which made me wish I was just like you and not some shut-in otaku." He confessed as Amber stared at him in shock.

"I... I found your personality nice and attractive. I just felt jealous thinking you wouldn't like someone like me and that I would never be enough for you... But then you would always come by room to spend time with me and it made me happy knowing I had someone I could share my interests with but then I'd just push you away sometimes thinking that I wasn't worth your time..." he said, letting out a shaky breath, nearly crying as well.

"And then... I hurt you just because I couldn't control my own jealousy over a stupid quiz show! Even after everything you still forgave me and I didn't deserve it! Yet when I confessed my feelings to you, you returned them! I don't... I don't even deserve... someone like you... Someone as kind-hearted and understanding as you. You reminded me of my old self as an angel. I sometimes saw myself in you just because of your kindness." He said, as a few tears fell down from his face as he looked away from you.

"Levi... Hey..." Amber spoke up wiping the tears from one side of his face.

"You're not the one at fault in that incident you know... I basically provoked you like that so I could win and get the record for my own curiosity which came to bite me in the end... I'm happy to have someone like you as my boyfriend..." She said, snuggling up to him as she wrapped his arms around him as he stayed silent before wrapping his free hand around her.

"Hey... You were doing it for a good reason even if in the end it exactly wasn't but... I could care less about what happened a year back. I'm just happy to have you by my side, my Player 2..." He said, leaning his head on hers, leaving a soft kiss on it as blush formed on his face.

"Yeah... Me too. Thank you Levi..." She mumbled softly as he nodded.

"I just... feel bad for some of the things I said to the others..." She said, feeling guilty as Levi sighed.

"It's alright. This doesn't change anything between us all." Levi said as Amber nodded, leaning her head on his shoulders as he sighed. It was a long day anyways and this was a nice way to rest.

A/N - This prompt is one of my favorites now atm! ^^;;

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me one master to rule them all #mc! monday #mc! monday prompt 4 #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc: amber #obey me leviathan x mc #obey me leviathan x amber #obey me levi #obey me levi x mc #obey me levi x amber #leviathan #leviathan x mc #leviathan x amber #leviamber #obey me mc #obey me x mc

[musclesandhammering]

Hey, here's my take /as/ a queer man. anyone, gay, straight, etc...can dress how every they want and how ever they feel expresses themself. to me it's a non issue, even if like, you think someone is being disingenuous, I don't think it's an issue and i find it more harmful to me and people like me to have this debate in the zeitgeist to begin with. more straight girls have argued with me about why xyz behaviors is problematic and i find it exhausting. It is more destigmatizing to not put barriers around fashion in the first place & focus on uplifting queer gnc men than tearing other people down.

This is from a couple months ago but I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to answer it until now (sorry).

I appreciate you for responding with your perspective. Like I said, I’m not a queer man (I’m a queer woman), so I really don’t like speaking about the experiences of queer men as a generalisation.

And I agree with you actually! Men (cishet or lgbt) should 1000% be able to wear whatever they want with zero comment from anyone! And if we were debating whether or not Harry Styles dressing in a gnc way was problematic in general, then that would be a pointless conversation. But that’s not the the issue.

My argument was that- while he’s valid a million times over for however he wants to dress or act or whatever- the media and mainstream pop culture fans are wrong for elevating him into this unprecedented progressive icon of masculinity because of the way he dresses. And Harry (imo) is wrong for allowing it and playing into it.

Listen, if Vanity Fair or Vogue (or whatever magazines it was idk I don’t read them lol) regularly gave cover photos and full page profiles and stuff to other gnc people praising them as sort of new age icons for their gnc-ness (specifically gnc openly gay men, or gnc poc, or gnc people who are not stereotypically young and fit and traditionally attractive), then them also giving Harry that treatment would not be sus at all…… but we all know they don’t have a history of doing that. And we all know that when Billy Porter (an older black gnc gay man) or Sam Smith (a plus size gnc genderqueer person) etc live their truth and dress in gnc ways, they do not get as much adoration and adulation and worship and excessive praise by mainstream pop culture media as Harry (again, a young white skinny traditionally attractive most likely cishet- or at the very least not openly queer- man) and the reactions from the general public are always far more mixed. And that’s definitely sus.

It’s almost like the societal establishment realised that newer generations are accepting and celebrating gnc-ness, and knew that they had to pander to that, so they decided to elevate a gnc person….. but because the societal establishment will always edge as close to the conservative status quo as possible, they picked the blandest, whitest, most basic male model type (again- young and fit and noncontroversially hot), who is as close to cishet as they can get (because he refuses to categorise himself as queer, has not shown any evidence of being queer, and thus allows folks with complex homophobia to assume he’s not) while also still allowing them to get half a queer rep point (because, hey, he doesn’t categorise himself… so he might be queer, right?) without having to earn it at all.

And if Harry is just completely Head Empty I’m Just Vibin In My Flower Skirt oblivious to this whole issue, then that’s fine I guess lol- let him vibe! But considering how he’s made it part of his brand to be an lgbt ally and how his fans attack anyone who says anything about this problematic conundrum by screaming that Harry is extremely socially aware and has supported the queer community more than anybody, How Dare You Accuse Him Of Anything!!!- …..Like, it’s either one or the other bro.

If Harry really does know that much about the lgbt community (enough to insert his opinions on in-community issues such as how he thinks gay characters being portrayed as sexual beings is wrong), then he HAS to know that it’s problematic for him to be accepting all these fat ass magazine cover checks and skyrocketing his personal brand with glowing profiles and grasping at more fame and positive recognition for himself via fashion choices, and generally just basking in the praise he’s getting for being a bOuNdArY bReAkInG hErO,.. that other minority gnc people with much less privilege than him have been struggling to receive for decades and STILL struggle to receive.

It’s not like it’s a capital offence or anything. I’m not saying he’s a complete and total worthless piece of shit……. It’s just grating.

#Harry styles discourse #anon #ask #answered #homophobia #transphobia #genderqueer #gay #queer discourse #my opinions #reference to an older ask

[pashterlengkap]

Leslie Jordan’s Walk of Stars ceremony revealed a touching goodbye recorded before his death

When friends, family and fans gathered in Palm Springs to honor the late actor Leslie Jordan’s life a year after his death, the one person they didn’t expect to hear from was… Leslie Jordan. But at an induction ceremony for the Walk of Stars, which included celebrities like Del Shores and Cheyenne Jackson along with Jordan’s sister, Cricket, it was the actor’s pre-recorded goodbye that moved the crowd. Related: Cheyenne Jackson’s impression of Leslie Jordan is spot-on Jennifer Hudson was left stunned by the eerie similarity. Fans gathered in 104-degree heat to honor the beloved comedian and actor to place his star exactly where it would have pleased him most. In direct sight of a giant statue of Marilyn Monroe, Del Shore joked that “it’s fitting that his star will forever be looking at Marilyn’s ass.” Get the Daily Brief The news you care about, reported on by the people who care about you: Subscribe to our Newsletter “Somehow I think he had something to do with that.” Shores also told a story about his own star on the walk, saying Jordan was “a little bitter” as the crowd laughed. He recounted one of Jordan’s many Instagram videos recorded at Shores’ star. “He said, ‘You know my dear friend Del Shores wrote a movie called Sordid Lives and I had a big part in it. I played a Tammy Wynette-obsessed drag queen who gets put in a mental hospital and I got a lot of attention. But anyhow, I’m just wondering, why does he have a star and I don’t?'” Shores recounted. “And then he poured tea on my star and said, ‘Oops,’ and then he walked right to the camera and said, ‘Anybody got a jackhammer?'” Shores had the honor of playing the recording of Jordan addressing the public before his death. In his legendary drawl, Jordan’s voice rang out over the quiet crowd. “I realize how hard goodbyes can be,” Jordan said in the recording. “So for all my dear friends, this is not goodbye forever, it’s only goodbye for now. Thank you for helping me live a joyful life.” http://dlvr.it/SxvkST

[westernrolli]

Soccer spirits tier list fourth

SOCCER SPIRITS TIER LIST FOURTH FULL

Mahomes ranked first during the previous three seasons at 20.3%. That ranked 19th among qualifying quarterbacks. The Chiefs gained more than 15 yards on 14.6% of Mahomes’ pass attempts where gains that long were possible. Last season, defenses for the first time curtailed Mahomes’ ability to strike for explosive plays. If you had the worst seat in the house, you would still go watch Patrick Mahomes play.” “I mean, anybody would pay to watch Aaron Rodgers and him play. “This guy, he’s box office,” a quarterbacks coach said. Mahomes during the past three seasons has commanded 149 Tier 1 votes, with just this single vote in Tier 2. But take his first read away and what does he do? He runs, he scrambles and he plays streetball.” “And when that disappears, that is when they lose games. “We love Mahomes because of his unorthodox throws, not because of his natural pocket presence,” this voter said. That voter, a veteran defensive play caller, thinks there were times last season when Mahomes failed to read defenses the way top-tier quarterbacks should. He’s just an extreme challenge to go against, beyond any of these other guys that have talent.”Ī single contrarian voter prevented Mahomes from tying Rodgers at the top. He is outsmarting you … always trying to catch you in a blitz and throw a little smoke out, or whatever. “He wants you to know that he got you and look at the sideline with that smirk. “It’s not enough to make a good read and see a coverage rotation and throw where he needs to throw,” a defensive coach said. Aaron has had Davante Adams, but he is still waiting for a first-round receiver, they have not had great receivers overall and he is still putting up major numbers.”Īs for showing up opponents, Rodgers owns the most condescending smirk in the game. Brady with N’Keal Harry did not elevate his game. “Aaron Rodgers has helped elevate every player on that offense. “(Tom) Brady has had the more decorated career with 10 Super Bowls and seven rings, but I will say this,” an offensive coach said. Rodgers beats the competition in two categories multiple voters cited: the ability to elevate his weaponry and in how he not only outsmarts opponents, but relishes doing so. The guy oozes Tier 1 in ways others QBs can only dream doing.” “The head coach (Matt LaFleur) wants to run the field goal team on and Rodgers waves them off, calls another play, completes it to make the field goal try easier and burns enough time so the kickoff coverage team doesn’t have to run out there. “The smirk, the shoulder shrug, the command of hurry-up tempo in 2-minute, he’s got it all,” a coach said. This is the sixth time in nine years Rodgers was a unanimous Tier 1 choice. “He can make every throw, he has got command of things, he can read defenses, he is challenging to go against because of the mental part of it.” “Where is the flaw?” a defensive coach asked. Some who placed him in Tier 2 previously repented in follow-up conversations. Rodgers through the years has received 401 votes in Tier 1, seven in Tier 2 and none lower than that. “That will be like the favorite day of my career.” “I can’t wait to rate him as a 2,” a defensive coordinator said. He is the standard for Tier 1 quarterback play. Rodgers stands alone at the top, the eighth time in nine years of QB Tiers balloting that he finished no worse than tied for the top spot. He expertly handles pure passing situations. TIER 1Ī Tier 1 quarterback can carry his team each week. More than one quarterback is featured for teams with unsettled starting jobs. The survey excludes rookies because voters have not seen them play in the NFL. Quarterbacks were then ranked by average vote and placed into tiers based on vote distribution, beginning with Aaron Rodgers, whose 1.00 average vote reflected his status as a unanimous Tier 1 selection. The panel placed 35 veteran quarterbacks into one of five tiers, from best (Tier 1) to worst (Tier 5). The remaining ballot was put together by four members of one team’s personnel department. The results reflect voting from 50 NFL coaches and executives, including six general managers, eight head coaches, 10 evaluators, 12 coordinators, six quarterback coaches and seven execs whose specialties include analytics, game management and the salary cap.

SOCCER SPIRITS TIER LIST FOURTH FULL

The full 2022 Quarterback Tiers results are below for every veteran starter. Young guns Josh Allen, Justin Herbert and Joe Burrow have joined the Tier 1 ranks, while a couple big names are conspicuously missing - including a certain quarterback the Seattle Seahawks traded to the Denver Broncos in a blockbuster deal recasting expectations for both franchises. It’s a new era for Quarterback Tiers as 50 NFL coaches and executives have shaken up the elite ranks for 2022, the ninth incarnation of my annual survey.

#Soccer spirits tier list fourth

[yuna-writes]

“You’re so quiet.” 

I thought about this recently and I also wonder if other people get similar feedback. I had only a few people in my lifetime who approached me to tell me that I’m really quiet to the point where they didn’t know I was in the same room lol. One person told me I seem like a “mysterious person.” And I honestly don’t know what these people are making assumptions about, but it’s amusing to listen to. It does tell me that I’m not really an open book type of person. Some people are easy to read their emotions and thoughts and others are hard to tell upfront. 

Other people assume I’m disinterested or on the extreme end they think I’m against them. I can understand why though, but most of the time, I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I can engage in small talk for a while before I get tired of talking. I’m starting to think maybe it’s because the conversation doesn’t lead to anything meaningful. Most people talk about their day, or their friends and family events. Which is fine, but after a while, I have nothing to share or contribute to the topic. I do notice a pattern in which people like to talk about other people, but I like to talk about ideas a lot. But I know my thoughts are controversial and will make other people upset because it challenges the status quo. So that’s one reason why I don’t talk as much. When you have unpopular opinions, people will assume you are bizarre and strange so they’ll outcast you. I believe our society follows the herd mentality so anybody who seems remotely different will be shunned out. 

These days, I am trying to find alternatives to make myself more approachable. But then I asked myself why do I want to be more open? I’m satisfied with the way things are, even though I don’t have tons of friends. I am content with only a handful of friends with deeper connections, compared to having a lot of friends but having shallow relationships. I do have the tendency to think a lot about the ideas of friendships and love instead of going out and being in relationships. I think it’s easy to quickly be in a relationship, but incredibly difficult to find meaning in them. 

#notes

[percabeth4life]

Artemis received a direct order from her father to cease all contact with anybody not a god, and pretty much went “Okay, so my uncle’s favorite child is missing, and this is my most temperamental uncle, so I can only assume this will be a clusterfuck of epic proportions. I saw what happened to Odysseus as a result of Polyphemus being injured, and my uncle likes Perseus much more than Polyphemus and we have no idea what actually happened to Perseus, so we might have World War Ocean on our hands. Poseidon is unaware of the fact that we don’t know where his only living demigod child is, going by the fact that the ocean isn’t attacking the land and that I haven’t heard of horses breaking down doors looking for him, so we might stand a chance at preventing this. I can’t actively look or communicate with anybody, so best to send the Hunt. Thalia is probably already looking, as she does care about her cousin and said cousin is dating Thalia’s honorary little sister, so all I’m really doing is speeding up the inevitable. Okay, so the Hunt has been informed that we have lost the Savior of Olympus and also that we have not yet informed said savior’s father of said missing status, so they know to avoid speaking of this around anything that can report this back to my uncle.” She then hears of Hera going missing and of a demigod that speaks of the gods in Roman terms showing up at CHB, and goes pale because she just knows Hera is involved in Perseus going missing and that he’s most likely at the Roman camp. She periodically glances down there, wondering what the hell is taking him so long to arrive because he’s normally pretty good at showing up the exact moment you need him to and he was needed back in New York 6 months ago because Annabeth is one headache away from going to CJ herself and razing Olympus, and CHB has no idea how to function with one leader gone and the other on the brink of losing it, and finally sees him show up with her stepmother in his arms and chased by 2 gorgons. Artemis hears Hera say that Perseus has been slumbering for months, and makes a mental note to have the hunt add burgers to their diet, because letting everyone in New York panic over this missing demigod, desperately trying to prevent his father from learning that his kid is missing and nobody can locate him, when Perseus didn’t need to be missing and could’ve just been chilling at his house if he absolutely couldn’t stay at camp, is ridiculous. Artemis decided her father had no idea what he was talking about and did her own thing

Zeus: So I’m banning all contact with demigods and mortals for the time being. I’ll inform everyone when I rescind this order.

Artemis, who hears the Hunt’s prayers and even a couple demigods: So we’re just ignoring that Poseidon’s favorite child is missing and nobody knows the location? You all remember Poseidon right, notoriously overprotective of his children and as temperamental as the oceans he rules over? Yeah, we cannot locate his child, and as far as Hades’s kid can tell, he’s not in the underworld, so if he’s dead, he’s either a ghost roaming the Earth or in Tartarus. Who wants to tell Poseidon that his child might very well be in Tartarus? It’s not going to be me, my Hunt has already decided to look for Perseus, so I’ve done my job. Also, where’s my stepmother?

Artemis:

#pjo #percy jackson #life answers #annabeth chase #hoo #anon asks #percabeth #pjo artemis

[greensaplinggrace]

So you mentioned in another post that you have some strong thoughts on Baghra, especially about how the story frames her as one of the good guys. I would love to hear about it.

@youremotionallystablefriend: I would love to hear you rant about Baghra if you feel like it (and haven’t already)! Personally I don’t think she gets enough constructive critique in the fandom for being the one that brought Aleks up and for the way she treated her pupils and especially Alina :/

Anon: Hello! I love your thoughts on the grisha books. I'm actually interested to hear your take on Baghra

@misku-nimfa: If you are up for it, I would love to read your thoughts on Baghra or your full critique of society in the Grishaverse. Your analysis is really well structured and interesting! ^.^

Anon: Hi! I saw your recent post and was wondering if you'd share more of your thoughts on Baghra?

---

Hello everyone! I was honestly very surprised to see so many people interested in my thoughts on Baghra? I'll share what I can, but please know that this is by no means a full breakdown of her character! It’s just some Thoughts I’ve had, and they’re mostly centered around show Baghra because that’s how I was first introduced to her character. Although IMO book Baghra might actually be even worse.

I’d like to preface this by saying that many of my issues with the treatment of Baghra as a character in fandom come from the wild double standard there seems to be regarding her and the Darkling. Darkling Antis and a vast majority of the people in this fandom who don’t like his character have a disturbing habit of absolutely ripping into the Darkling for all of his faults and then turning around and treating Baghra as some sort of pristine mother figure for the exact same shit.

They’ll talk about how badass she is, how strong she is, how they sympathize with her past (although they’ll continue to dehumanize the Darkling and refuse to sympathize with his own past) and sympathize with the fact that she has to deal with the Darkling (who’s always referred to as a monster she must corral or control, as if he is inhumane and beastly. These particular comments always take on the very distinct tone of victim blaming as well). They’ll laud her for all of these “powerful girlboss” moments as if they aren’t carbon copies of the Darkling’s own behavior - as if they aren’t things Baghra herself taught him. Which is why this is the wildest double standard of all to me, because every horrible action they praise Baghra for is something she taught the Darkling, and something they cannot stand to see in him as well.

It’s as if there’s a disconnect between their consumption of the literature when it comes to the two characters, and I’m of the opinion that it’s largely because Baghra is a woman and a mother and therefore infantilized in the fandom quite a bit. In fact, Bardugo herself often infantilizes many of her female characters in her writing. This is mostly through the process of excusing their terrible deeds, not allowing them to do anything remotely dark, or brushing any morally grey actions under the rug without ever touching upon them. Which puts me in the strange position of knowing I’m supposed to sympathize with Baghra for having to deal with the monster she’s created, and instead feeling resentful of the fact that this bitter woman is held up as this wise old strict teacher instead of the abusive mentor/mother she should have been.

Now, here’s what I said to make so many of you send me asks:

Last note, in reference to your first line, and also probably a pretty unpopular opinion. I do not like Baghra. And it legit has nothing to do with the Darkling or with Alina, I just don't like her "I'm going to hit you and berate you and emotionally abuse you and manipulate you and act like the good guy at the end of it" vibe she's got going on. At least Aleksander is acknowledged as the villain within the narrative. Idk wtf Baghra is on but it's absolutely wild to me that people aren't more critical of her actions. Which is, rather fortunately for you, another rant I will save for another post if anybody ever wants to hear it lol. (but like kudos to Baghra's actress. I loved the character as a character, I just don't like the way she's framed as a good guy. Weird. Uncomfortable. She literally set bees on the kids she was teaching).

This basically summarizes most of my thoughts on Baghra as a character and how she’s portrayed. I touched on it a bit above, but the way she’s able to get away with so much and not suffer under heavier critique is honestly baffling to me. There should be a lot more criticism of her out there in the fandom. This is the woman who abused her students and neglected her son. Although to be honest I don’t even know how to quite describe the emotionally neglectful yet unhealthily codependent bond she fostered in him from a young age. IMO, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander is creepy, and I know she has a history that makes it more understandable, but it’s still incredibly disconcerting to witness.

But let’s get back on track! First of all, her students. Whom she physically, emotionally, and mentally abuses. She’s derisive, she’s insulting, she’s belittling. She works hard to strip them of any self confidence they may have. She uses pain as a means of triggering powers. And the strict teacher excuse doesn’t fly. The “it’s only a training method!” excuse is even worse. This is literal abuse she’s heaping on her students and it’s wretched.

The first thing she does to Alina when they first meet is insult her. Then she hits her. Then she kicks her out.

Second time they interact is a montage. Baghra hits Alina multiple times. She shames her. And then when Alina actually calls a light she tells her it’s not nearly enough, effectively wiping the smile off of her face and every sign of self confidence that had been building. Then we see the door to Baghra’s hut shut in Alina’s face. So now she has been bruised, battered, berated, stripped of all self confidence, and then banished again. As training methods go, this is not only entirely ineffective, but it’s also just abusive.

Then we get this interaction between Alina and her friends:

Marie: One time, Baghra released a hive of bees on me. Nadia: Worst part is, it worked. Marie: It really did. I could summon at will after that.

Which is fucking horrifying and not talked about nearly enough. That goes beyond hitting your students. Baghra used a fear tactic on a young girl to activate her powers. She literally tortured Marie to make her powers work.

Alina throughout this conversation is looking very disheartened. She’s lacking in any self confidence and the comment about the bees has clearly affected her. For someone who’s first words to Alina were “Everyone believes that you are the one. Come back when you believe it too,”  Baghra doesn’t exactly seem keen on Alina actually believing she’s the one. If she did, she wouldn’t be stripping her of every positive emotion associated with sun summoning.

Let’s not forget that Baghra demeans Alina multiple times for her status as an orphan. How she utilizes what she knows of Alina’s emotional weaknesses to provoke her and discourage her and make her angry.

And then Baghra drugs her without consent. To take advantage of any information Alina gives her in that state. To use the way Alina reacts for her own ends.

Because why else would she say this?:

Alina: We planned to run away together. Baghra: You had plans. Perhaps he never did, because where is he now?

Which is, strangely enough, the same sense of isolation and separation from Mal and her past that Aleksander is attempting to foster. Weird how mother and son are both using the same manipulation tactics.

In fact, why does Baghra never tell Alina about the letters until she’s already engaged with Aleksander? Baghra must have known he was taking them. Alina talks about it enough. Baghra must have known he was isolating her from Mal. How could she not, when it’s revealed later that she has spies in the Little Palace collecting information on him? How could she not, when she knows he’s the villain from the beginning - when she knows he’s manipulating Alina?

Baghra knows, and yet she keeps the same lies Aleksander does and furthermore uses that information to make Alina feel even more isolated and weak. Baghra literally just piggy-backs on Aleksander’s manipulation and then exacerbates it. She wants Alina to feel no attachments to her past because she wants to use Alina as well. But for some reason, because this manipulation and treatment of Alina as some sort of tool is done by the woman who opposes the Darkling, it’s suddenly okay. As if it still isn’t the same terrible shit but with a different perpetrator. I mean damn, at least Aleksander feels something for Alina. Baghra’s just cold.

So, point by point. Baghra mentions how Mal doesn’t care for Alina, she mentions Alina’s failings constantly, she mentions Alina being an orphan, she constantly hits her, she guilts Alina about orphans dying, she works to instill a sense of isolation from her friends and her family.

And when Alina finally comes to Baghra, having decided to abandon her attachments to her past and her attachments to Mal, the words that ring in her head are Baghra's words - “needing anyone else is weak.”  Which is honestly just a horrible sentiment in general, but an even worse one when considering how hard these people are working to detach Alina from anybody who can help her or give her an outside perspective.

Strangely, it’s also similar to this line:

The problem with wanting, is that it makes us weak.

...which is spoken by Baghra’s son. You know, the Darkling? Our big bad villain? The one Baghra raised?

Which gives me the impression that Baghra’s teaching methods with her students are really not that far off from the teaching methods she used on him as he was growing up. It’s a horrifying thought, and leads into my problems with her relationship with Aleksander.

First of all, show wise. What the fuck.

Aleksander: They’re punishing us for being Grisha. Baghra: Punishing you. You made him afraid. Now he wants you to fear him. Aleksander: I won a war for him. Baghra: And in doing so, started a war on us.

I get that she’s trying to convey how the king feels here, but it still feels incredibly victim blamey from a narrative standpoint. It isn’t Aleksander’s fault the king fears him when he used his powers under the King’s banner to help him win a war. Aleksander trusted this man who betrayed him and then betrayed his people, and we get a line from his mother, entirely unsympathetic, talking about how it’s his fault all of these people are dying.

Baghra: Where’s the girl, your healer? Aleksander: Dead. She died because of me. Baghra: She died because they always do. They’re not as strong as you and me.

Baghra’s use of the term ‘girl’ and ‘healer' here instead of Luda is pretty telling. She either doesn’t like Luda or doesn’t care for her. Either way, this is the woman her son loves, and Baghra talks about her so dispassionately. Then he comments on Luda’s death and there’s no reaction except to say that they always do.

Like, her son is literally broken up over here. Grieving. Desperate. Run ragged. Caged and hunted. Feeling guilty as hell. Mind running through a million different ways he could possibly save all of these people. And Baghra offers him nothing except a paltry “people die, get over it, we’re better than that, she didn’t matter anyway.”

Honestly, how is Aleksander even still functioning at this point? He has no support system and he’s working against a king and his army to protect a group of civilians he could easily abandon to save himself. The sheer amount of responsibility and mental strain keeping track of a group alone entails is already monstrous, but adding in every other factor? The recent death of Luda, the fact that they’re cornered and they’ve been hunted down while fleeing across the land, the fact that he was just a couple hours ago forced to his knees and entirely at these men’s mercy, begging for Luda’s life. And here his mother is, if anything a negative support system. Offering no other ideas, telling him to give up hope, not even offering the barest smidgeon of emotional support as he grieves, putting everything on his shoulders.

It pisses me the fuck off.

Aleksander: You’re the one who taught me how to kill, mother. Their blood is on your hands as much as mine.  Baghra: I taught you so you could protect yourself. Not them.

Once more, Baghra highlights how he needs to protect himself. How he should abandon the people he’s protecting. How he shouldn't help others and only ever himself. Once more, she says it’s my way or the high way. There’s zero effort to work with him. Zero effort to sympathize or compromise. She’s constantly pushing him to take the one option she knows he won’t take. The hell did she think was going to happen?

Also, Baghra taught him how to kill. Not necessarily great parenting, but understandable given the circumstances of his upbringing. But the level to which she takes it is honestly concerning. Like, look no further than this woman to see where Aleksander got it from lol.

Baghra also forbids him from using Merzost. Which is great and all, she gets to claim the moral high ground. But she doesn’t offer a single alternative except to flee and let everybody die. There was legitimately no other option to Merzost except for torture and death. If there was, Baghra sure as hell didn’t help Aleksander come up with one. Aleksander, who - by the way - is in no fit emotional state to be making any kind of decision right now.

So anyways, that’s just my tv show grief regarding Baghra, and it’s not even really all of it. I don’t want to make this an hour long read though lmao. But I’ll go over a few other things.

First of all, Baghra’s whole “We’re the only two that matter. We have to do whatever we can to protect ourselves,” mentality is one that she actively touts to Aleksander on a regular basis when he’s incredibly young. It’s honestly a wonder he grows up to care about other people at all. But the mentality itself is something Aleksander still heavily internalized in regards to protecting himself and those he deems worthy at any cost.

There’s a moment in the books when Aleksander is attacked and nearly drowned by some kids who wanted his bones (one of which was a close friend of his). He uses the cut in self defense and then blames the nearby Otkazat’sya village. Baghra knows he’s lying, and yet she allows an entire village to get slaughtered for harming him. This is a disproportionately violent act that Baghra approves of, and Aleksander as a kid is definitely internalizing that mindset.

Also, Baghra’s behavior around Aleksander has always been weirdly possessive and controlling. Especially when it comes to the people he loves. Her actions often come across as her trying to isolate him in order to keep him by her side, even when the relationships he has are clearly intimate. Which... is especially strange for a mother to be doing to her son.

She was also an extremely emotionally neglectful mother. Based on the show and what I gathered from her actions there, I’m actually half convinced she was physically abusive as well, in that “I think I’m being a stern, good parent figure when in reality I’m actually harming my child” kind of way. She fosters codependence with her son and then refuses to provide for any of his emotional needs. She drives it into his head that everybody dies, that he’ll always be alone, that love is useless and power is everything. She denies him the opportunity to be soft and works to harden him at a young age. She tells him he must never allow people to touch him, except she doesn’t work to supplement those physical needs in any way. She essentially abuses him.

Honestly, I could go on. But in reality the simple fact is that I just don’t like her. I think she’s a hypocrite. I think she’s abusive. I think she’s a terrible mentor and an even worse mother. And I think the fandom and the books are willing to brush aside so many of her faults simply because she opposes the Darkling.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys were looking for! It sounds like a lot of you wanted a more of a sophisticated breakdown, but my thoughts on Baghra come with a heap of emotional baggage lol. It feels weird to say this now, but I actually do like the character as a character, I just,,, don’t like her in every other aspect. My feelings on Baghra are just a bit personal, to be honest. But hopefully this was at least comprehensible??

#shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #anti leigh bardugo #anti baghra #baghra critical #sab spoilers #demon in the wood spoilers #aleksander morozova #sab meta #the darkling #fandomcourse #myramblings #leigh bardugo critical #mymetas #anti darklina bs #please dont hate me for this #aaahhhh now im worried #Yikes