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#gi xiao angst
lyxzeun · 1 year
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Hiii! I saw your request is open so I have a few requests.
I was wondering if you could do genshin men arguing with their s/o who is a sweetheart? But one day, they had a fight about smth and their s/o just snapped.
I wanted them to like suddenly stopped talking and just death glare at them before walking to their shared room.
I actually want to know what their reaction be and what they do! I don't mind how many but I would love to see Xiao / Zhongli/ Scaramouche (if you do him too) !
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— the story of us (looks a lot like a tragedy now).
;; the genshin boys get into an argument with their sweetest lover, yet, the “sweetest” has seemed to turn into something else.
:: preview: guizhong being zhongli’s past lover, and he isn’t moving on yet(aguyy), and xiao not being understandable of your situation.
“xiao, please! we could work this out together if you’d listen and understand me!” your sweet voice began to crack, and xiao is raising an eyebrow at you. the thing that happened was; xiao was pretty much away the past few weeks in which it has left you wandering around and helping people around, especially in the places where he could’ve been. one late night, he finally decided to come back in your shared home, which brings us back to where we were. “if you weren’t away these past few weeks i wouldn’t have been overworking myself in the midst of you being gone! there isn’t anything else i could do than help everyone around when you’re gone! it’s what i do!” you tried to explain, “and yet you’re still mad about why i keep working while you’re away? xiao, you need to know that if you weren’t gone i wouldn’t be so tired!” you sighed, “y/n, i hate how you work around for everybody, can’t you just rest?! i’m here guarding everyone- including you, so that everyone is safe and they’re able to feel safe, and yet when i tell you that you rest when i’m away, you work!” he started to shout at you loudly, and he stood there with his fists bolded up, “i work for us, xiao! you wouldn’t understand since you walk away all the time and now you barely have any time for me! i’ve been doing my best to keep us alive, and now your blaming it on me since i want us to live a nice life?! xiao, this is nonsense you’re bringing up. and i don’t want you to blame me into the wrong situations you’ve caused, and i don’t want to hear anything- anymore!” you began to splurt out words that was in your head, it was supposed to remain in your head and not out your mouth, and now tears started to spill down your eyes as you turned away from him, xiao had never seen this side of you so clearly and privately, and he began to think, and his thoughts were circling in his head, thinking about what you and him would’ve been doing if this stupid argument that the two of you had weren’t happening. your feet began to tap on the floor as you headed to your shared bedroom, catching his attention, right before one step into the bedroom, you gave him a piercing glare of knives stabbed through his heart. you then went inside the room, laying down on your side of the bed, unable to face xiao’s side of the bed, thinking of what he’s doing right now, and the answer was; he was walking around the living room, thinking of how to apologize, muttering out words that he thought to say. a few minutes have passed, and now you’re sitting on the bed looking at your photo album with xiao. you smiled softly, looking at the memories that the two of you had. you then heard the doorknob open, a figure walked over to your seat, and xiao was looking at the ground, attempting to atleast let out a word. “..y/n.” was that all he could say? your name? “…xiao..?” you turned your head to him, fiddling with your hands. “i.. i apologize. for the way i have acted. i didn’t understand your situation when we talked, and.. and it was stupid that i blamed you so bluntly without understanding your current struggles about us.” he began to raise his head up to you, smiling slightly, you could see his eyes get glossy, the moment his eyes saw yours. “and… i am also sorry for being absent and not being able to spend time with you… it was my fault. i apologize-" his sigh was cut out by you hugging him tightly, burying your face into his neck as you bursted into tears. his eyes widen, and yet his senses has made him hug you back, rubbing your back. “xiao… i- i’m so sorry!” your voice was muffled slightly by your head buried into his neck, “i’m so sorry that i snapped- i wasn’t really thinking- and the words that came from my mouth… i-i’m so sorry!” you hugged him tighter, sobbing onto his neck. “no… y/n.. it wasn’t your fault that you explained your struggles when i didn’t understand. it’s fine, y/n..” he said, whispering softly as he rubbed your back soothingly. xiao then kissed your forehead lightly and shushed you to sleep, calming you down.
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zhongli was never really judging of you, still yet, you’ve never seemed to pass a day without him mentioning guizhong. his friend that died from the archon war, maybe even more than just a friend of his. — the day started ordinary like every day off of his, waking up with him, his messy hair all over the pillows and some on his hair, you fixing his long hair and tucking them behind his ear making you smile sleepily, seeing his face clearly in the early morning. “ah, guizhong used to do that when the winds would blow against us whilst we sat on a peak.” he smiled softly, caressing your face, although he mentioned guizhong, you couldn’t help but not mind it. his touch was soothing as always.. in the afternoon, you read some books to zhongli as his head layed on your lap, as he requested. “gui..” his voice started to fade, “y/n, dearest?” he smiled, staring into your eyes. your smile faded slightly, hearing the first syllable of… her name, again. “yes, love?” you responded. “i love you, guizho- ahem… y/n.” again? not only has he been testing you but it’s the nth time he’s mentioned (or atleast he’s tried to) guizhongs name. you chuckled, “i need to get something from the bedroom. you can rest on the couch.” you lifted zhongli’s head up your lap and placed it on the cushions on the couch. you headed to your shared room with him, and started to lay down on the bed. guizhong, guizhong, guizhong. that was all you could think of, did zhongli date you because he loves you for you, or did he love you for… your resemblance to her? your thoughts started to swirl again, guizhong, guizhong is the one he loves, not you, not you. guilt, doubt, worry, sadness and all sorts of emotions swirled inside, and it was unbearable, so unbearable. but no- not this time, he’s still waiting for you on the couch, you grabbed a hairbrush, to make up the image that you got the “thing” you wanted to grab from the bedroom. you went back to the living room. he was sitting on the couch, reading the unfinished part of the book you read to him. “ah, dearest.” he looked up from the book and saw you walking over to him slowly, “i suppose you’ve found what you needed? it took you quite a long time.” he set down the book on the nearest corner table, “yeah, it was hard to find it.” you brushed a few parts of your hair and placed it on the corner table and sat beside him, cuddling closer to him. “guizhong, my dearest.” you heared him whisper, making you pull away and bold your fist. “love? is something wrong?” zhongli tilted his head in visible confusion, “i’m not her.” you sighed, “y/n, dearest, what are you saying?” he chuckled in a joking way, thinking that you were joking. “i will never be her.. never.” you looked up at his expression of confusion with glossy eyes, tears were about to fall. “zhongli.. understand that… i am not her… and that i… will never be her..” the more you spoke, the more your voice trembled, and droplets of your tears started to wet the fabric on the couch. “no, love… i love you for you..” he tucked your hair behind your ear. “no! no you don’t!” you pushed him away and stood up from the couch. “you only love me and dated me because i am just like guizhong, and archons, am i tired of hearing her name every single time we’re together! i can’t even pass a day without having to hear her name from your voice again!” his hand started to reach out to you as he looked up your figure standing over him. “don’t even touch me,” you backed away and crossed your arms over your chest. “go back to her for all i fucking care!” zhongli’s eyes had widened, he’s never seen this side of you this mad, he knows that you’d usually be forgiving, just like how he mentioned guizhong’s name everytime! he stood up from the couch and standed facing your face flooded with flowing tears, his heart overflowed and overwhelmed with emotions of regret. you began to walk away and into your shared bedroom, you sat on the bed and started to hug your knees to your chest and let your tears flow freely from your eyes. minutes have passed and now you’re laying on your side.
you were hugging a pillow and burying your face into it. sniffling softly and hugging the pillow tighter and tighter. you heard a soft knock on the door, “love..? are.. are you alright? may i come in?” zhongli placed his hand on the doorknob, he didn’t hear you, but he opened the door in worry, guilt and regret. “what do you want?” your voice was still muffled by the pillow you were hugging, “i apologize, my dearest.” he sat beside your figure and placed a hand lightly on your head, “it’s no use, zhongli.” you whispered, hugging the pillow tightly. “i know i have done things wrong, my dear.” he sighed, “and i know that i shouldn’t have treated you like you were some reincarnation of her.” he began to stroke your hair slowly, “you are not her, y/n. you will never be her.” zhongli’s voice became softer, and… sweeter. “guizhong is the past. you, y/n, my dearest.. you are my present, you are my future, and you are my forever.” he began to carry your figure and held you close to his. “don’t ever forget that.” he kissed your forehead, “i apologize again, dear.” he kissed your lips softly, raising your head to his face. “hey… don’t kiss me yet.” you giggled with a soft voice, “my face is still wet from crying.” he chuckled and still kissed your forehead. “..hey, zhongli?” you leaned against his chest, and he responded with a small hum. “we’ll be okay, right..?” a small amount of worry was in your voice. “we’ll be fine, just as long as we’re together.”
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- vale speaks ! .. hello! thank you for requesting! sorry for taking a very long time to do your request, my apologies for not being able to add scaramouche as well. sadly, I wasn't able to put scaramouche in this request as the two characters' parts were long enough and I wasn't able to put scaramouche's part in. thank you for supporting my blog! best regards, vale <3
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niiine · 1 year
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𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐀𝐋
Character(s). Xiao, Scaramouche, Kazuha x Reader (Separate, ofc). Mentions of Venti, Heizou, and Aether.
Synopsis. In which they keep on denying having feelings towards you but then becomes hella possessive and gatekeeping experts when someone shows interest.
Modern! AU, Fem! Reader (I'm so sorry for putting this so late T^T)
Fluff
Tsundere! Scara and Xiao, as usual, and Shy Kazu bebi.
NOT PROOFREAD, please don’t expect.
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Xiao
He’s just tolerating you.
Or so he says. But Aether always finds it amusing how you can pester XIAO from time to time and get out of it with just a sigh from the golden eyed lad.
Like today, for example.
- As an introvert, powernap at the university’s roof top is like a holy grail for Xiao. He treasures it so much that the moment the bell signifies lunch, he’ll dash out of the room in a heartbeat. His friends know better than to disturb him else they receive some icy words. But somehow, much to Venti’s amusement, Xiao let you crash his solace and talk his ears out on days that you feel like doing so. Pretty privileges. Venti thought, before gushing it out with their friend group.
Heizou tried to make him confess that he is head over heels for you. He just finds it so funny how Xiao keeps denying his very obvious crush on you. Come on, he’s pretty sure that he’s not the only one who notice how Xiao’s sharp eyes keeps drifting back to you every time.
“You don’t look at me like how you look at her!”
“No. It’s just that it hurts my eyes when I see you.”
It’s the talk of the group for like a week. How they would see Xiao being such a gentleman when you’re in the room, his patience longer than they’ve ever seen, and more.
“Just admit it lover boy. You simp for (name)” Scaramouche pointed out. A sinister thought playing in his mind.
-  “I told you, I don’t. She’s just much tolerable than the rest of our classmates” The questioned man rolled his eyes, not entertaining the idea because even if he does, he’s a hundred and ten percent sure that you’re not in love with him. “Well, if that’s true, I guess you wouldn’t mind if I go after her?” the indigo haired man piped, only to be met by daggers sent through Xiao’s eyes. Eerie silence filled the room until Scara raised his hands in the air, satisfied smirk decorating his lips, “I’m kidding.” (Much like what he had done in this one.)
“Thought so.”
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Scaramouche
This man is so obvious it hurts.
And also, he’s extra mean to you. He wants your attention babe, believe me.
“Hah! I can do that better. You suck.”, “What? Speechless because you’re so in love with me?”
No, it’s the other way around and SCARAMOUCHE KNOWS IT.
But like, you don’t believe his attitude towards you because his actions say otherwise.
- “You’re an idiot. Acting so high and mighty while being pathetically weak.” And then he proceeds to help you pick up the books that have fallen from your grasp and took the remaining ones on your arms to carry it himself.
- “Heh. You think he’s gonna like you back by helping him out? No way you’re uglyyy” “I don’t like him idiot. I have to do this, so he’ll pay me nice and good” you rolled your eyes and he sighs in relief.
He’s actually pretty close to you since you’re friends since middle school.
Venti and Heizou will call the two of you an old married couple because of the continues bickering. Of which Scara will return with disgusted look because no, He can’t have it get to him because he will lose you if he does.
But his friends know otherwise. They notice how careful the man when it comes to you, how observant he is when you’re involved, etc. And besides, Venti just feels it.
And Venti turns out right (again) when their group passed by two students who are obviously gushing over you and one of them spot Scara.
- “Just confess to (name)! You wouldn’t know until you try.” One of them says, and Scara’s ears perked up at the sound of your name. “But aren’t they like with that scary dude?” cue Venti and Heizou snickering in the background. This resulted to the two met gazes with them. Their knees tremble at the sight of your bestfriend. His usually playful eyes now dark and looming—and it’s directed at them.
“Yes,” he started menacing look present in his lovely, porcelain face. “they’re taken by the scary dude.”
The two ended up running and Venti and Heizou needs to be intervened by Aether for them to stop laughing.
“Hey scary dude. I thought you didn’t like her?” Venti teased, and Aether just sighed.
“Shut up”
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Kaedehara Kazuha
This man is a gentleman you wouldn’t notice anything if you’re not as observant as Heizou.
He smiles so gentle with anyone, he talks with utmost respect, this guy right here is the epitome of prim and proper.
“But he’s always giddy when he’s talking to them” Heizou pointed out to Venti one day, to which the latter ended up agreeing to. Because now that he mentions it, Kazuha really seems so excited talking to you.
His eyes literally sparkles when you’re in the room, and his smiles are wider and brighter than usual when talking to you.
And in addition to that, KAEDEHARA KAZUHA always go out of his way for you.
- “Kazuha?” The man turns to you, a tender smile immediately making its way to decorate his face, “Yes, (name)?”. “I made a (a dish with gourd in it). Would you like some?” And oh, the man will munch on it like it’s his most favorite thing on the whole Teyvat, only it’s not. He hates bitter gourd. But to make you happy? Give it all to him and he’ll eat it with the sweetest smile.
The lad also does everything in his capability to be near you. You need something from the cafeteria? He needs to buy something as well. You suck at this one subject? He’ll offer to teach you. You accidentally have no partner in light stretching for P.E? He, too!
But it seems like this fact hits Venti and Heizou earlier than him, as they can also see clear signs that Kazuha is not aware of his own feelings.
That’s why they took it to their own hands. They must help their friend in need you know! So, they did the most obvious thing one should do,
They asked him.
- “Zuhaa,” Venti piped in as Heizou placed his arms around Kazuha’s shoulder. “We’re wondering, do you perhaps fancy (name)?”. They received a soft chuckle from the lad. A very composed answer left his lips. “(Name) is certainly beautiful and wonderful individual,” he smiles and cleared his throat. Bashful and shy from his words, “But I am afraid I have to say no to you question.” The other two expected this. ALL their friends are like this, Kazuha is not the first one, so they know what to do. “Ohh That’s great!” Venti exclaimed, as if excited at the new found information before turning to Heizou, “You can pursue them then!”
Kazuha’s heart almost stopped at his friends’ words, so Heizou like you? Of course, he does. You’re beautiful and kind and gentle, and more. It’s only natural to like you. But he wants you! And words left his lips before he can keep it shut.
“No, they’re mine!”
Awe, the usually composed and collected Kazuha now red and ashamed of what he has done. The back of his hand failing miserably at trying to hide the red hue that painted his face down to his neck.
The other two looked at the outburst of their friend before erupting into laughter.
“Not if you don’t confess soon enough” Heizou said in between laughs and Kazuha sent him a sharp look. Face still beet red.
“Don’t do that again” he warned the other two, now caught up on their antics.
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kingvoiddd · 7 months
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HIIIIIIII I grinded like 18 hours of Genshin to try and catch up to Fontaine and I'm almost there I just had to burn through like a few months worth of content haha (I'm almost out of sumeru trust)
So! Since I have Genshin on the brain, here's some Aether headcanons!!! + some doodles of him bc I love him and also Xiao x Aether canon I am Hoyo I said it myself.
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zuyoo · 2 months
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the flowers, one-shot. ﹙ gn!reader ﹚
content warning — profanity, unhealthy relationship, alcohol consumption. characters are in college
zuyoo’s notes — i have surprise at the end mwa. enjoy reading! not proofread bc lazy. reblogs appreciate :<
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frequent arguments with your long-time boyfriend is very common. given his attitude, and how long you’ve known him—you grew used to it. but there’d be specific days where he’d completely isolated himself up and locked you—his girlfriend—out completely. you understand that sometimes, self-isolation is okay. it’s understandable and normal. but this has happened way too many times now, “more than both your fingers and toes could count” too many times… and you grew tired of it.
you’re the girlfriend, his rock, his ride or die, but why can’t he make an exception for you? why does he make you feel like you’re no more than what the rest are? simply, why? you two made a promise to each other that you’d be there for each other, that you’d be each other’s safety pins. but why does the same thing happen over and over again?
whenever he’s in that phase again… ghosting everyone, including you. going on a “healing” vacation by himself, without your knowledge on where he’s headed. and before you could even begin to question him—he’s gone from his apartment.
all you could do was complain to your friends and ask them for advice on how to fix your relationship. which most of them answered with…
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honestly, they have a point. but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.
“the way you love is actually just self-harm at this point, y/n”
“it’s all worth it though. he’s been with me since god knows when.”
“whatever helps you sleep at night. just… take care of yourself sometimes.”
he disassociates himself from everyone — he comes back — he argues with you — and he leaves again. an endless cycle.
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you’re honestly starting to think that you’re the reason why he’s running away. thank god you have your friends (xiao, mostly. since he has the least to say.) to ground you.
though sometimes, you’ll see scaramouche in his living room, glancing at you to check what you’re doing. or even getting closer to your body when he thinks that you’ve already fallen asleep in the bed that you two share.
you know that he’s trying his best.
he just got back from his 3rd trip in the past month, and you have not spoken a word to him at all. you were mad and you wanted him to feel it.
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later that day, he apologized. the scaramouche apologized..
“i’m sorry for not communicating. it was shitty of me, and i feel like a jerk for realizing it this late.”
mouth slightly agape, you didn’t know how to react. scaramouche’s eyes only looked at the ground after seeing your reaction. he had an idea of how upset you must’ve been and he felt like he deserved it if you just ended things with him on the spot—telling him that it’s too late for apologies.
but he flinched when he felt your arms wrap around his standing figure. you two didn’t say a word, but it was like you two were communicating through the fast beating of your hearts.
thank you for the flowers, btw. ﹙ short cont. ﹚
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© zuyoo — do not copy, plagiarize, or translate my work without my permission. i only upload my work in tumblr.
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www-brontide · 6 months
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solemn, piercing amber eyes watched over the vast surroundings and mountains of the land of geo, glistening with the pain of yet another loss. how did it come to this…?
his heart ached and throbbed, yearning for what has escaped his grasp: you.
according to that fontainian messenger, you were an unfortunate victim of the serial disappearances case of fontaine. and although the culprit has been put to justice, xiao could not help but feel an immense sense of hatred towards him.
how could he not? that madman was the reason why the love of his life—the only good thing he’d ever received in the millenium he’s lived—as well as the lives of many others were taken, and never would they come back for they now had become part of fontaine’s waters.
you were never even given a proper funeral.
that was one of the things that made the entire situation even more outrageous for him.
you didn’t deserve this—you never did. xiao wanted you to be happy, to be free from the cruelty of the world around you. but now… that wish just seemed so far away, no longer able to be fulfilled… perhaps that was what hit him the hardest.
never again would you grace him with your presence. never again would his heart flutter whenever you—as busy as you are—visit and somehow carve out time in your busy schedule for him.
he just wanted to see you smile.
just one last time.
that’s all he asks, all he requests.
but alas, the gods heeded not to his pleas.
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© www-brontide — do not steal, plagiarize, or repost onto another platform without my explicit permission.
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tartagliaxx · 1 year
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。BUT EVEN JUPITER HAS BOUTS OF MERCY
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━━ INCLUDES: albedo, diluc, tartaglia, xiao
━━ SUMMARY: for the first time in years, jupiter budged from his flux — his storms softening into one that might welcome room for optimistic outlooks for the future; or his point of view in the events that transpired, plus what happened after you confronted him, learning that all this time, the relationship you valued was a mere ploy in order to escape his admirers
━━ CONTAINS: fake dating!au, modern!au, highschool!au (albedo), college!au (xiao), language (childe and xiao), dubious mental states, questionable scientific and philosophical themes + others, alcohol mention (non-consumption), open-ended?
━━ PREREQUISITE: jupiter was cruel
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。 ALBEDO — “ princeps cretaceus | chalk prince ”
before you, albedo never really cared much about social interaction nor did he see any point in interacting with his classmates when they were unlikely to give any useful feedback about his research. it wasn't as if he thought of himself as someone above other people because there was a time when he stood by the swings of a playground, watching and wishing he was one of the people who ran away from the seeker in a game of hide-and-seek. it's not exactly a big deal as every child goes through a rather playful phase while growing up but the five-year-old albedo struggled to fit inside the world he looked upon with wonder.
he was older now and that desire to belong has evaporated as he found through trial-and-error that he was perfectly fine as he is. faint traces of contentment flickered inside his bright, curious eyes as one by one, likeminded individuals drew close to him like birds of the same species and genus flocking together. social interaction was far from his strongest suit, especially when it's not with sucrose or his senior, timaeus, but it was a task he did nevertheless for the sake of his academic pursuit. at the very least, he had the company of the wonderful strangeness of science and for that alone, he was able to pour dozens of sleepless nights reading through piles of full-text articles that always left the right amount of his curiosity sated and the right amount of questions that would leave him wanting more. the most recent conclusion he had was about himself. he was happy being the quiet honor student that nobody quite knew. he was content that he already has plans for the future, no matter how loose: a degree in biological sciences and if he was lucky, then maybe he'd chance upon a world-changing discovery. if not, well, it wasn't as if that was a priority for albedo believed himself to be relatively simple and old-fashioned — just a kid who wanted to learn so much more.
when he was eight-years-old, a child the same age as he approached him by the swings — his spot. they told him that he looked like he was feeling down and he wondered how they came to that conclusion when he had always worn a creepily emotionless face (as referred to by a bully in his class). they simply shrugged saying that some things didn't need an explanation because you just know and it was then that he realized that there was so much to learn from that person.
that was the last interaction he had with them and he wished it wasn't. he still remembered the way the tiny snickers bar fit in his tiny hands — a little something they gave to cheer him up. he never got to say thanks. he’ll be sure to do so, if he ever got the chance to meet them again but even albedo doubts that strange forces would make their paths cross again after ten years.
on his senior year, he was seated beside a face quite familiar and it took him two days of pondering to figure out that the stranger from his childhood now sits beside him in class. it was a curious turn of events and he was suddenly the same eight-year-old boy who struggled to strike up a conversation.
he knew you to be a quiet kid who no one dislikes. you’re always ready to lend your notes that were sometimes hurriedly scrawled with a regular ballpoint pen and sometimes decorated with pops of color from your assortment of highlighters. you sat with your friends at lunch, keeping to yourself like you all shared a bubble separate from the rest of the world. he never managed to catch your name, just that you and he interacted before and he remains to look back on it fondly.
he was observant so it was easy to see that your attention was easily stolen by a familiar shape on the clouds or something similar. you also procrastinated on science projects a lot and you would pull all-nighters the day before the deadline. you don’t think twice before lending him a pen when his ran out of ink while doing his experiment notes and you’re pretty observant yourself, giving him another snickers bar when he got caught up in astronomical research.
the next day, he was wondering what to say to you after staying up all night chastising himself for not saying thank you before you left. in no time, the bell rang and you were packing your things. it was… quite embarrassing to look back on and he said the first thing that came into his mind when he saw that you were stepping away from your desk.
“blood moons could be refreshing to look at,” he says before realizing just how awkward it was to randomly spout science trivia and averting his gaze to fake writing something on his notebook. he could feel your confused stare on his form for a brief second before you ultimately left, leaving him to regret his god awful social skills.
ah… he forgot to say thanks again… 
the next day, he spots the dark circles under your eyes and he wondered if you managed to complete the paper for your biology class on time. actions speak louder than words, he thinks as he slid a snickers bar to your table just as you had done before for him. he expected a little mumbled thanks or even a polite rejection but perhaps, he kept his head low too much for him to recognize the array of surprises his seat mate offered.
"in a lunar eclipse, the earth's atmosphere scatters most of the blue light which causes the remaining light to reflect on the moon with a red glow."
he found himself amused and a strange weightless feeling makes his heart spur. he doesn’t know what to reply but he realized that he just so happened to have his book about observed celestial events with him that day so that was what he slid over to you before you part ways.
interactions with you were limited to small things like that for a long while but he knew better. his seat mate, whose name he now knows after you introduced yourself thinking he never noticed you before, was more observant than he assumed. you weren’t the most sociable person to ever exist but you handle conversations well enough. it might be just him and the strange haze that overcomes him every time you talked but he can’t help but believe that you enjoyed and appreciated your interactions with him just as much.
he lacked the social skills that could deem him charming so it came to a surprise when a stranger approached him once more while he was walking home from a convenience store run. this time without the kind undertones of your gaze or the subtle mischievous lilt of your voice. it wasn't you and for a brief moment, he realized that it was only you who made social interactions a little less tedious than they actually were.
the stranger had sickly pale skin and an equally sick smile that had his mind flashing red in even intervals. the human instinct for danger caused the hairs on his skin to rise up in alarm, every single nerve aching to run and never look back. this... person spoke of an admiration that made his stomach churn — of a romance that he could not find any pleasure in. it wasn't everyday that his composure was broken but as he murmured an apology, albedo realized that his agitation was displayed white as day on his face.
everything that happened after was a blur and all he could vaguely remember was saying that he had already promised himself to someone else and that was not exactly a lie. so many days had passed since then and just as many were the days where he impulsively asked you out as he saw a strange shadow lurking behind the corner. pretending that things were perfectly fine so as to evade your worry was an easy task but he didn't know that the cost was hurting you even more.
the moon was neither cruel or merciful but it was beautiful and mysterious. it was something he would compare to the look on your face as he haphazardly confessed his feelings for you if only the uncertainty of the situation didn't terrify even the stone-faced scientist of year three's class b. the truth — his honest mistake and his uncharacteristic fear — gnawed on his throat like a secret waiting to be spilled but albedo, who has learned to hold your strangeness close to his heart, feared the expanding distance between you two. but now that the truth was spilled with neither of you willing to clean it up, the pale glow of the satellite above illuminated his way as he stepped into a neighborhood now familiar to him.
"...what are you doing here?"
though the moon may not be cruel, perhaps he was for allowing his dark sea of selfishness to dictate where his feet may lead.
"i have something to admit."
"leave, albedo." you whisper as you avoid his gaze, eyes red from what was left of your tears, "it's late. it's not safe for you to be outside."
"i'm— i'm not here to apologize. i don't think your forgiveness is something that i should have but i have to let you know the whole truth, at least."
you mimicked his words, "the truth? there's more to this than just you playing around?"
he didn't respond, only sighing as he tears his eyes away from your feeble form. the small silence was deafening but even more unnerving was the solemn smile that graces over your soft lips after giving him a once over. without once meeting your eyes, he told you everything — from the stranger to his brewing feelings to his conversation with timaeus.
"i knew," you sighed as you motioned for him to enter into your dimly lit home, "i told you i knew."
"everything?"
a humorless chuckle slips out of you as you fiddled with the hem of your pajamas. with little to no effort, you repeat the words you uttered just a few hours prior "you don't need to be a science genius to be observant. i guess it also helps that you're a horrible liar."
albedo doesn't reply for a while, gaze downturned before he accepts the small cup of water you were offering, "are you mad at me?"
"yes," you answered without missing a beat.
the spark from when your fingers grazed over his when you handed the cup turned into a fire that suffocated him from within. though he didn't see his reflection, he was certain that his eyes dilate at the slow-burning fear for what your approaching form could say next, "it was unfair of you to keep me in the dark when you could've easily told me. you knew i would help and don't give me the "i didn't want to pull you into my trouble" because that's not something you get to decide for me."
silence ensued for the longest time, well, at least for him. to you, only a minute and a half had passed as you phrased your following words in your head. time was not askew and it did none of the fancy slow-mo shots they do in overly tragic telenovelas. it was just silence — an unbearable kind that still had him waiting with bated breath.
"you know... you really suck at expressing your feelings," you snort humorlessly as you sat beside him a mere few inches away from touching him, "no one translates "we can't keep doing this forever" to "i can't keep giving you less than what you deserve." not like it matters because it's not your place to decide for me in any way. only i can do that for myself and i don't know where you or timaeus learned that it's okay to do that but it sucks for you guys because it doesn't matter what you think. if i'm happy and content in receiving all that your sincerity can offer then that's that. you don't get to argue or leave me hanging just because you think i deserve chocolates or flowers every other day."
this time, you don't miss the way albedo nibbled at his lips with a profound sense of loss. this conversation was something beyond what he could ever hope to expect. he was a so-called genius and his hypothesis included your screams of anger but seeing you so understanding made his heart constrict in a way that knocked him off his rational thoughts. 
"i'm sorry."
"what happened to "i'm not here to apologize?" came your snarky reply but not even a few moments later, you were uttering your own apology for your sharp tone, "i'm not... forgiving you. i don't think there's any way you can justify your actions but... i know you. you're socially awkward and you miss the innuendos that usually came with your innocent words. you're... i don't know... you're too honest and i knew that you cared loads for me as a friend and i return the sentiment. it doesn't matter if you could only see me as a friend for the rest of your life but... i don't want to lose you. i can't forgive you right now but i'm selfishly asking you to make it up to me... someway... somehow."
social interactions were not his cup of tea because it reminded him too much of everything that could go wrong with just one misplaced sentence. still, albedo finds himself with renewed determination to try, only following the correct steps this time around.
"you were wrong about one thing," he mumbles as he averts his gaze from yours one last time, "i do like you more than you believe i do. i like you enough to admit that you deserve more than the socially inept seat mate you have."
you snort, "if you're trying to win me back, please don't tell me that's your best shot."
"not precisely... i still have flowers and chocolates to give you every other day," albedo shakes his head with the beginnings of a mildly amused smile. 
it was eleven in the evening when you see albedo out of your house and you couldn't help but note how happy you are that you didn't sleep early and miss a night so beautiful with a perfect full moon.
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。 DILUC — “ noctua | owl ”
how do you know if you love someone? is it when they make you remember yourself despite living in a world that makes you forget your unique identity? is it when you find someone's body to be just the right kind of warmth to wake up to? love was a strange thing and diluc often finds himself remembering that it was a terrifying thing too. love makes you do all sorts of extremes and the fear that your other half loves you less than you love them was enough to make him hesitate. 
how else would he piece himself back together when he is hurting if he was to avoid plotting a distance?
as a child, he never liked playing house. it all seemed too romanticized. sure, the domesticity was real but growing up with an adopted brother and a single father who he saw very rarely because of work made him realize a lot of things. kaeya would fight him over the littlest things and he would end up fighting back even when he swore he'll be the bigger person. it's not something out of hate as it was more out of mischief but it doesn't change the fact that those perfect, calm households all appeared to be a hoax when he looks at kaeya and the chaos he brews around himself.
still, diluc ragnvindr was a human who craved intimacy and a place to come home to. as cheesy as it sounds, it would be nice to find someone who'll find belongingness in his embrace like two puzzles clicking together. it must be fun to let loose and be mundane, dancing in the kitchen with blinking light bulbs waiting to be changed. he wondered how long it'll take for that person to enter the doors of his newly bought apartment — or rather, if he'll have the courage to let them in. as romantic as proclaiming "i'm home" is, he knew that an other half can turn into a stranger in minutes, leaving behind only the ruins of what that home was. it doesn't matter how long they stayed together because, in one second, he would've had only memories of what love was to cry over.
he's afraid of commitment. he was scared of losing. so what? he was fresh out of college and anything goes. he bumped into someone whose eyes screamed "welcome home" and the murky skies of his mind told him that it was best to just visit and go back on his merry way. diluc wasn't a romantic and so he definitely didn't believe in love at first sight. he was lonely, yes, but he wasn't quite insane enough to entrust a stranger he bumped into with all of his heart and wonder. instead, he handed you his handkerchief to wipe away the remnants of the coffee on your shirt, and gave you his number for renumeration. it was common courtesy and with that, he leaves.
it was by chance when he heard sobs inside the office pantry one year later, and ever the gentleman, he sat beside you silently in a wordless act of comfort. he's just being a decent human being, he argues as the wind howled in his head. he was certainly not patting your back despite his bones creaking from uncertainty and awkwardness because he felt drawn to you, and the hopeless thunder in his heart? it's likely only concern for his colleague. though time ticks away quickly and diluc never had a penchant for delaying his duties, he stays and hides the turmoil in his eyes behind voids akin to those in space. that way his beloved distance remains to keep him secure.
"thank you," you croak out with a pitiful smile, "sorry for ruining your handkerchief again..."
he swallows, tells you its fine before dismissing himself once more. he may be no astronomer but big bangs disturbed the heart he was trying to still. merely being objective, he convinces himself as he stared at his confused reflection. admitting that the constellations in your eyes — burning, passionate, explosive booms, and supernovas — were beautiful was merely being honest and factual, nothing more, nothing less.
diluc breathes, only to muffle a curse as kaeya cackled behind his back, "what's this i'm seeing? my dear brother has a crush on the intern?"
the world stills as if caught red-handed but diluc refused to plead guilty. instead, he shoots a glare and a muffled "you don't know what you're saying" before witlessly fixing the files on his desk. ever the troublemaker, kaeya begins chattering about you and diluc paid very little attention, too absorbed in tapping his fingers against the wooden frame in thought. 
he learned your name and objectively speaking, it suited your face a lot.
in retrospect, it was then that all went downhill as a particularly insistent business partner offered an heir's hand for his perusal. if only it ended there, but he had managed to catch the same heir's eye and they all but thrown themselves over his lap just to catch his attention. though thoroughly amused, kaeya took pity on diluc and told that person that he was, in fact, in a happy relationship with someone. to make matters worse, kaeya had offered your name, thus convincing diluc to talk to you before the heir sees through their blatant lie.
asking for your time was easy enough but as you peered into his soul with an innocent smile, his face contorted to one of nervousness and helplessness. how could he bring up that kaeya had dragged you into his mess and that he was hoping that you could help him in this horrible ruse? but even more troubling was the sweat in his palms, the fear of rejection in his heart — every minuscule detail that made this situation cherry-sweet and real. he knew it was wrong to fool you into thinking that it was all a lie but was it really wrong to crave intimacy minus the inevitability of being hurt? it was a madness he started and when you pulled him into an embrace as you accepted his feelings, diluc felt his guilt being washed away by light showers. how much was his statement a lie if it has always been the untold truth?
another year passed and the light showers that cleared his head has turned into a storm that flooded his mind with anxiety. everything felt vivid now. the way your hands cup his cheeks, the way you smile at him when he comes home from work, the way you ask him about his day — everything was real and the fear that came with the increasingly affectionate touches he gives you became less fictitious. 
he loves you. what has he done? how does he even begin to explain the truth that was hidden behind the curtain this past year? will you leave him because of it? he admits that it would be smart to do so.
"what time will you be coming home?"
“i’ll be ho—” he pauses, shaking his head with a deep frown before he turns his back on you, “i’ll be back by eight. you don’t need to wait for me.”
“it’s fine… i’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes. stay safe. i love you.”
he reluctantly nods and he feels you watch as his back vanishes from your line of sight. when he heard the door click close, diluc runs a hand down his face in frustration. a curse falls down his lips and he defeatedly looks up at the greying skies. you had reminded him of the weather forecast and if you weren't there, he'd probably be arriving at the office drenched. guilt boils down in his stomach and cools as remembers your sweet greetings. you were always too good to him — for him. though fear screams at him from the edges of his mind, he loves you and he feels that he owes you his honesty.
no matter the cost.
perhaps he was sick — crazy evil for still having the hope that maybe, just maybe, after all this time, you would still give him your favor and offer him a sweet and tender smile that eases all of his aches. would you cry? would you leave? his wounded heart trembles. if he thought you leaving him was bad enough, clearly he was unready for the sight of your tears; tears that he bought as it was ultimately he who drove the sword in, not kaeya who had merely suggested the idea in jest.
with an unreadable expression, diluc sank deeper into the luxurious seat of his car — the same one he bought because he was told it was charming to drive (the hidden intent of trying to boost his charm in your eyes must not go unrealized). he laughs emptily at that, starting the engine methodically as guilt once again eats him up like a bloodthirsty viper. if he could only have one wish, he’d hope that he could turn back time to the days that a mere mention of your name would send him into a fit of gut-wrenching remorse.
lies were dirty. lies were horrible. lies never amounted to anything good. and even after knowing all of that, you stay and diluc wonders why. had he been in your shoes, he would probably packed his bags and left a long while ago. no amount of water could wash away the grime that is the weight of a play-pretend that only had one willing actor. did it not hurt more than it’s worth? he slows to a stop as the light went from yellow to red and he takes this time to reminisce about his absence this past year. with that he decides that he truly was not worthy of any of your love.
not like it mattered, not ever. you were too kind and too generous; a true angel who spares no one their warm embrace.
with slow and heavy steps, diluc trudges towards the winding halls of his building. with the interest of an eroding rock, he attended his meetings. with the loud ticking of a clock, diluc signed paper after paper with a distracted glaze over his eyes. he was sure that his odd behavior earned him a few wary glances but that was a mere afterthought to his increasing dread. the only thing that could help him now was a boring routine — a routine that takes his mind away from the drive home and his confession. but even that can only take him so far as before long, he was once again facing the entrance to your house — home, really, if he was going to take his honesty with him.
his keys turned with a small ‘click’ and the door opens. warm, yellow light peeks out from the kitchen and he finds himself in a space he ironically feels comforted in. here, there is no anxiety. just your welcoming gaze and your apron-clad self in its full glory. somehow, even with the remnants of flour on your hands and cheeks, you’re still the epitome of purity.
was it finally time?
"i'm back,” he swallows but before he could dislodge the word from his throat, you beat him to it.
"welcome home," you smiled ever so gently, "so... how was your day?"
you’ve always been like this, playing your role with effortless ease that it hurts him.
"it was alright. have you eaten dinner yet?"
"i was waiting for you. let's?"
"let's."
and what can a selfish man do but find a salve that removes that burning pain of cowardice?
it took only five steps to find heaven and as it turns out, heaven was your hands tangled in his hair as you pulled him impossibly close, sweet lips pressed against his. it’s the irreplaceable kind and diluc was convinced that even if the world were to burn outside right now, he would not be able to part from the astronomical pull of your person — just as it had always been.
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。 TARTAGLIA — “ monoceros caeli | narwhal sky ”
if he could laugh at only one joke for the rest of his life, he’d choose to laugh at himself and the immense foolishness that seemed to run through his veins more prominently than his own blood. he’s a fool — an even greater fool than the romanticists who adore all things reminiscent of their muse — for letting go of possibly the greatest love he’ll ever come across in his lifetime. 
growing up with doe-eyed sisters and a picturesque couple in his mother and father, ajax loved the idea of soulmates. he lived for it, daydreaming of one day locking eyes with someone who will always be there for him. he closes his eyes and he sees a beauty blessed by aphrodite and a heart favored by eros. just thinking about it makes him flex his hands that are hardened and scarred from an accident back when he was seven. he sees his muse shine radiantly as they cradle his rough hands into their own, pressing little kisses on each ruined flesh in a soft profession of “you’re perfect. everything about you from your unruly hair to your deep blue eyes to your tender gaze is perfect and i love you for it.” sure, maybe the poetries were exaggerated but those exaggeration bleeds of hope; of a determination to overcome even the most cruelest of pains and ajax, ever a fighter, finds that he loves it. if believing in everything that could go right instead of everything that could go wrong dubs him a fool, then a fool he should be and a proud one at that. he’s loved before and yes, they haven’t all been pretty but he thanks the stars and the moons above that he met them anyway. for him and probably every other brave soul out there, love is more than just meeting and tolerating. it is also finding and growing and being in the most preciously delicate of ways. it’s beautiful in a way that no man can ever hope to describe because it is all in the heart; all embedded in the soul that speaks its own kind of indecipherable language.
ariel was a warrior and he always believed it so. she took a leap of faith by trading what was dear to her person in order to gain and become one with someone who could give her so much more. cinderella, too, was a warrior. she overcome the fear and the years of doubt engraved into her being by her malicious family for the sake of coming home to someone who can wash away all that pain. that’s love — finding strength in another and becoming greater than you could ever be had you been walking on your own. love was as glorious as they claim it to be: it feeds your eyes images of a thousand fireflies and your stomach, a kaleidoscope of wild butterflies that dance in celebration of your fluttering heart. love was as magical as they claim it to be: ajax finding himself giggling with his siblings at 2am as they binged an obscure rom-com series from the 90s with colorful hopes for the future. the soft light of the television illuminates their face as they all proclaim in their heads, “someday… someday, that love will be mine and it will be more than enough.”
love isn’t a painkiller, at least, not to him. it’s something closer to a vitamin that invigorates your restless mind. love is something supernatural and yet, so ironically mundane. it’s not a one-two fix for any of your woes but it does leave you laughing incredulously as you find yourself charging ahead with your flames renewed. maybe he’s lived a relatively peaceful life to be able to say such words but everything seemed so easy as long as he could find it in his trembling legs to jump and free fall into whatever that may come to pass. he’s blessed that way; that his family taught him how to nurture another’s soul while letting them return the favor; that the authors in the few books he has read all spoke of how despite being imperfect and scared, people still choose to love just because they could; that the old ladies in the nursing home he volunteers at all said that while hurt has come to them in more ways than one, they bore no regrets because the happiness they gained from their experiences patches that hurt all too easily. it’s strange and complex and far too intricate for his simple mind but he knew that if there is only one thing and one thing alone that he knows for sure, it’s that people need love.
love is what colors the world with the blue in his eyes and the pink on his flushed cheeks. love is what makes him see glimpses of yellow and green at each blooming romance of young high schoolers who are still testing the waters. it’s a vibrant, mind-blowing shade that throws even the power of jupiter to shame. after all, what else will you call a power so supreme that it pushes you to live, live, and live some more? he has yet to find that kind of love for himself but he knows that it will come eventually. someday, he will love someone and they will love him back and they would put james dean and audrey hepburn to shame. they will dance with him to the tune of ‘can’t help falling in love’ because they truly can’t help but fall for each other every time they’d flash a gummy smile and they will fall asleep side-by-side on the living room as the credits of some mediocre hallmark film plays in the background.
yeah… that sounds about right… sounds about what everyone deserves to have…
they say that twenties was the marriage age but ajax argues that there is no "one" time for love. he does make the effort of putting himself out there as his friends called it but that was that. he was in no particular rush and he finds no need to plead for destiny’s threads to pull him forward. destiny was an expert in reverse psychology though because ajax received an answer to a prayer unsung and he found it at the corner of an overhyped cafe a few blocks away from home.
he found the idea of love at first sight cute but always thought that it wasn’t for him. it was unfair to think about now that he learned that it didn’t matter a single bit what he thought because love comes however it wants. in that crowded place, time seemed to stop and so did his heart that froze before starting back up with a pace that would usually send him flying off the walls. his throat closes up as he hurriedly averts his gaze from you in the middle of a flustered panic. was his hair fine? did he remember to wear his lucky cologne? seemingly useless questions flitted through his mind and before long, he was at the front of the counter ordering some random coffee brew because he just couldn’t be bothered. was this what the bards meant when they said “you’ll know it when it happens”?
with a hesitant step forward, he cleared his throat before smiling apologetically (and he hopes it also came off as charming), “is this seat taken? sorry, i can’t see any other empty space…”
so what if he said a little lie? so what if the second floor of the cafe had a few spare tables? if he was going to shoot his shot, he might as well omit all the negative details from his head — just like the tense frown you were wearing from the moment he saw you.
ajax waited with bated breath and stiff muscles as you considered your options. when you sighed in defeat, he sighed in relief and he all but slammed his tray in a hurry in case you suddenly change your mind. he was barely situated in when you brought out your headphones. panic-stricken, he wore another bright smile as he tapped on your mug, “what’s your order? it looks good!”
you frowned and ajax winced internally because of all things he could say, he says the one thing that didn’t make sense, “good? the most you could see is the murky leftovers of the good parts. what’s there to look at?”
“i guess but,” he shrugged relaxedly (it was all an act), “is anything really good if you could only appreciate it on its best of days?”
he thought that he caught himself well but you seemed to disagree, rolling your eyes and completely ignoring him by the next second. he halfheartedly twirled his straw, wondering if he just sucked at conversing with attractive people or if you were just naturally pessimistic and cold. either way, the defeated slouch of his body was not hard to see by any interested onlooker.
so what if he was a romantic? he didn't think that there was something to be ashamed of in embracing a positive outlook in an otherwise dreary world. there was nothing wrong with adoring chick-flicks and pumpkin spice lattes during fall. there was nothing strange with choosing to highlight the good than the bad. there was nothing to criticize in the way he immediately felt drawn to you like two halves of a whole separated for the longest time and suddenly — by complete happenstance — finding each other again. so what if he believed in the irrational notion of soulmates? he'd stand his ground through it all if it meant being able to turn what appears to be a permanent frown on your face into a smile.
he's seen you before in his dreams and it's rather amazing how you beat all the odds when you chose to come at the right day and time and prove to him that you do exist in real life. you had the fire he imagined he'd gladly dance in and the small pout that would put all those celebrities to shame. you could tell him that adonis and aphrodite have nothing on you and he'd believe it in a heartbeat. it's this weird magnetic pull that makes him stare like some poet that wishes to immortalize your attractiveness in his books. the one time he diverts his gaze, he sees you catching a staring at him from the mirror that hung from the wall close by. fueled by the adrenaline and perhaps, hope, he schools his expression into what he hopes looks like a smile that can send anyone swooning like those picture-perfect guys in the novels.
"if you wanted to look, you don't need to be so sneaky about it."
he watched you blink, eyebrows pulling together in a show of annoyance as he sent a wink for good measure. without a skip of a beat, you said, "you have something on your lip."
"what? fuck..." he had been too preoccupied with your reflection that he didn't catch his. now, his mind was in shambles and dark thoughts filled them in response to his embarrassment. "shit, i thought i was being slick and all that—"
though troubled, he didn't miss the small smile that graced your lips that you tried to hide with your hoodie. he counts that as a win so he shoots you a big grin before looking down at his coffee. hesitation brews in his heart but it was now or never so clearing his throat, he asks. "hey, can i get your number?"
you demeanor changes and for the nth time, ajax beats himself up in regret. 
"easy there! i'm really not trying to get in your pants or something. i just thought you were pretty cool and i figured we'll be good buddies!"
he gave it his best shot in damage control but you still refused to give it. he asked nineteen times in total and for the twentieth time, he calls upon the world to give him just one sign that you're really the one for him and so, he proposes a game of rock, paper, scissors — placing everything at the hands of his luck and to fate.
you lost.
but he lost too, he chuckled emptily as he twirled the stirrer in his cup. here he was, still sat at the corner of the cafe you first met in but this time, there was no you. he burned that bridge foolishly because of some drunken drawl incited by irrelevant fears. what a joke. he lost you faster than it took to fall for you which was absurdly swift even in the dictionaries of the gurus. you're midnight wine and campfire talks and hushed giggles in the corner of a big, storied library. you were everything he asked for even when sometimes, you behave like the exact opposite of him. that has always been fine though. opposites attract until he had to ruin it with his stupid mouth.
he should've known better; should've known that all the good things in his life would come crashing down because of him.
the pain in your voice was something that would haunt his nights for the rest of his life, possibly even the lives after that. when you asked why the fuck he'd done the things that he did, he can't even bring himself to look for answers because why the fuck did he? he could only watch as your face morphs into a person he once knew and killed — the you that was cynical and doubtful of good intentions; the you that hated disney films and fairy tales because it's too good to be true; the version of you that would refuse to draw matching hearts when he'd write your name in the back pages of your notebook.
'can't help falling in love' plays in the cafe radio and ajax runs a hand across his face in humanity's greatest portrayal of the character, misery. it was in moments like this when figments of the past you shared come passing around him like shadows that he realizes how much his heart longs to just grip the clock and turn the hands of time himself. he misses the way you'd laugh as he curses out the liars in tv shows. he misses the way he misses you every time you had work and now, your split second replies had all turned into one sided conversations in blue. what can he do?
"what's this? you look pathetic." he jolts in his seat as if all he needed was to hear the voice he hasn't heard in weeks to come back to life. ajax decides against saying that you were far from faring any better. your eyes were swollen like you haven't stopped crying all this time and your lips were trembling at the mere sight of him. his lips twitch up at that. guess he still had some effect on you... he'd rejoice if his tongue wasn't tied in undoable knots. "well? you wanted to talk and now that i'm here, you're not saying anything."
you place yourself before him, setting down a tray that had the same steaming drink you ordered before. he was right. it did look good on its best form.
"you feel unreal. i dreamt of you so many times these days that i don't know if i just finally lost it since you're actually talking to me this time."
there was no response, just the white noise of people having their own conversations that were faring far better than his own. a lump forms on his throat and he forces it down like the way he forces himself to meet your gaze. he didn't know what to expect to see but it certainly wasn't concern.
"just... i don't know... start from the beginning, i guess? i want to know what could possibly be running through your oh-so-brilliant mind for everything to end up like this."
so he tells you everything from the start. from his love at first sight that you couldn't help but laugh at since he spared no details and no thoughts for his dignity, the stalker that has been bothering him for years, the night he drank his concerns away, the way he adored how you rushed and picked him up when he couldn't even stand, the desperate attempt to remove that unsettling feeling in his chest, the timid but excited smile he was greeted with when he woke up to your excited smile, the instance he knew he fucked up, the dreams of a heart stopping confession fading away like a wisp, the fear of losing you if you find out that how it started out was a misunderstanding even if everything else was the truth, and finally, the gratitude he can't help but gurgle out through his tears. all this time, you listened, not interrupting him for one second except for when you awkwardly slid the paper towels in your tray over to him when he started having a breakdown.
you stayed silent for quite some time, ruminating on your thoughts and ajax believes he hasn't known anxiety until today. five minutes passed before you spoke with an unreadable smile, "you're an idiot, you know that?"
"...excuse me?"
"you're an idiot. i don't know how i fell for you," you sigh as the chair creaks when you leaned back, "but i did and for some reason, i can't find it in myself to regret it when emotions died down."
there was just no way that the man you knew who liked having raspberry sherbet after kicking the ass of some random date that stood you up was fake. you chose to believe that not because of some optimistic dream but because it might as well become a scientifically proven truth. he was a guy, well-built and kind, actually clumsy but firm and honorable and— fuck, he has honor and principles in his bloodstream that you decided to give him a chance to explain.
"i didn't block you, you know... i saw each message you sent me hence this," you motion to yourself with a stiff smile.
"oh."
ajax swallows before looking back down to his drink that now turned lukewarm and murky. it stops him from forming any thoughts and he's unsure if he's happy with that since it meant being left alone with the muddled reflection that stared back at him.
"i... honestly don't know what to tell you, ajax, but i... i understand where you came from and i don't think i'm getting the closure i was supposed to get today."
just like back then, he steels himself.; he schools his expression into what he hopes looks like a smile that can send anyone swooning like those picture-perfect guys in the novels although this time, it's weaker and wearier in comparison.
"is that some roundabout way of telling me i can still win you over?"
you don't respond again, only sipping on your drink for the first time that day, and neither of you knew what to make of that.
it's cynicism that saves young hearts from recklessly bolting out of their well-made confines to find something that didn't exist. it's scrutiny that disproves the existence of love and by extension — the macabre heartbreak you were never meant to feel. it's hope that ruins everything that guards your delicate heart. you didn't believe in happy-ever-afters, no, not after all that, but for some reason, you think that this story isn't meant to end in this bitter note after all. maybe the tragedies you heard off were, all this time, interpreted differently by the people who lived it.
shit... you should know better but he was someone you'd risk it all for and that's the dilemma. you supposed you owe him a part of your humor. in this irony, for the first time in a few weeks, you feel like you can laugh again and mean it — genuinely and wholly.
"please—" ajax speaks abruptly, eyes shaking as he eyed your now empty cup, "don't go... not yet..."
you don't. not yet.
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。 XIAO — “ alatus nemeseos | winged nemesis ”
mysterianism is the belief that not a single being in the entire vast universe can decipher the hard problem of consciousness. the limits of human comprehension makes it impossible for anyone to grasp the idea of qualia — that is, an individual's subjective yet conscious experiences. it's a bitter acceptance that stops you from falling into the pitfall that is called existential crisis. in a way, it's a philosophical view that is both an answer and not in a big world overflowing with questions because truly, how exactly would you attempt to prove the nature of consciousness? of souls and minds? of their eternal nature or their temporality? what exactly was real? 
xiao, at least, believed that this was solution enough. you may never know if the love in someone else's eyes weigh as much as the one you held in yours but at least, you're certain that it is real and there's no more need to spare doubt on something equivocal in spirit. you don't need to question their 3am thoughts, their strange thought process and conspiracies because it's something that just exists. they exist and you know them. you know their soul and their body and their mind; know what keeps them awake at night and the untold fears that has never seen the light of day until now. he'd know. he feels it every single time in every single conversation. he's kinda you and you're kinda him and it's so easy to say that you belong side-by-side together because there is some unexplainable, hidden force tying a string in your hand and in his. whenever he's in bed, thinking of nothing but which series to binge watch with you next, he knows that you exist and he exists with you.
you've always been his best friend — now and forevermore in each version of ending regardless if it's a happy ever after or not. the insomnia that plagues your mind is something that he mirrors and each night passes easier ever since he met you. whether it be imessage billiards or some philosophical dilemma you found because of your brilliant mind, he types for god knows how long until he settles for a reply that's worthy of your time. he likes you and that's why it doesn't matter to him if he comes to school with dark circles underneath his eyes. he likes you. of course he did. it's harder to not like you than it is to stop breathing. you're everything that he's not — soft and well-rounded, always knowing the right words to say when he's feeling numb after a day of exhausting exchanges. you're not the best at one-sided conversations but the way you'd squeeze his hand in yours is a whole tale in itself. you're his favorite person and for that alone, he speaks the words that are so hard to come to him on normal days.
he says 'i passed by your favorite cafe so i got us some drinks' but mean 'i thought of you while going through my daily life' because he gets so overwhelmed by the saccharine taste of those words when it finally comes down to it. each sentence is some profound expression of his heart and it leaves him trembling in his doc martens every single goddamn time, leaving him to regret not saying what he truly meant later at night when everything's said and done. 'these songs reminded me of you and i don't know how to thank you for being in my life,' 'you're my favorite person and your face is the one that pops inside my mind when i think of the one person i don't ever want to lose,' and ' i love you'; so many things he wanted to say but cowardice comes around to bite his throat until not even a word can be coughed out.
when did the switch between platonic to romantic happen? when did your name become the missing piece to the absurd solution to an equally absurd problem? who knows... maybe it was never platonic in the first place and he just never noticed because mysterianism cannot explain your soul. everything's blurry these days and the only clear thing in his incomprehensible mind was the recognition of the sharp pains that throb in his chest whenever he eyes the last text message you sent.
he loves you. he loves his best friend and your shitty playlist and your store-bought cookies. he loves the criticism you spout whenever the random movie you managed to put on turned out to be some horribly written romance. he loves the way you'd send him random memes throughout the day for no good reason other than you can. he loves you and he misses you especially on late nights like this when your replies came as scarce as water in the desert. was it desperation? some god's pity? he thinks no further before trying again, sending another "hey" among the many he has sent before in an attempt to start a conversation.
he can't explain why he's still staring at his phone expectantly... what does he expect to see?
it chimes and xiao jolts up like a child on their birthday morning.
words are beautiful. they can convey anything from sorrow to glee to adoration and hatred. they're like roses in that sense and roses were dangerous. they're thorned and adorned with hidden malicious meanings. you've given him roses before and he never feared being pricked by them because he knows you. that's why the anxiety he feels now is unfamiliar — because now he doesn't know if he's ever understood you at all.
your half-hearted, playing innocent replies greeted him and the conversation ended faster than what was once the usual but it was a start. he managed to invite you to his next performance and that... well, he supposed it was something to be happy over. amber eyes strayed to find the hoodie that he gave you that he never managed to return. with renewed vigor, xiao kisses the idea of getting any sleep tonight a wonderful goodbye. he has better things to do and words? words are beautiful but they fail him more often than not. if he could get someone else to say the words he desperately wanted to say for him, would it matter? it's still real, is it not? regardless of its validity, the rest of the night was silent save for the soft strumming of a guitar and lonely humming.
friday afternoon came faster than he anticipated and so did the lump on his throat. backstage, his arms feel like jelly that was strangely conducting electricity to the tips of his cold hands. his legs weren't feeling any better being comparable to lead itself. he hates this, he thinks and he mussed up his hair with an annoyed groan. whatever... whatever! xiao repeatedly mumbles to himself as his grip on his guitar's neck grows ever tighter.
if not anything else, then he was still your friend. he has that, at least. he still has you even if it'll never be the same as before.
his band mate tells him they're on stage in five and he peeks through the curtains to see you nursing a drink by the exit. you were wearing one of his shirts and he wonders; do you wear it because you still care about him somewhat or have you just forgotten that it was his once upon a time? regardless, his heart that was already in such a dangerous position trembles at the sight of you. it beats against his ribcage until the excited cheers of the crowd becomes a whisper compared to his own heartbeat. 
has it been weeks since he last saw you? it all feels unreal.
"for the first song," xiao tuned out the band's lead singer who just finished hyping up the crowd, busying himself with adjusting the grain for his electric guitar so that he didn't have to meet the gaze that he knows is focused solely on him — just like other times, "it's actually written by our guitarist, xiao. we hope you enjoy it."
what does it mean to say something? was it merely sending your thoughts to another? whatever it was, it can't possibly be the way xiao could only spare you a passing glance before he had to grit his teeth, feelings of sadness, regret, and longing bubbling to the surface of his normally schooled expression. he catches your raised brow, eyes surprised and dare he say it, concerned, as he finds his world closing in on him.
"if i could turn back time... if I could find a way, i'd take back those words that've hurt you and you'd stay."
relationships ruin friendships, they say. xiao just never considered that there would be an end to something that seems so inexplicably perfect. holding onto hope was foolish but a part of him considered that maybe... maybe you'd find the answer to your question in his song and stop this cruel game of tag. 
"i don't know why i did the things i did. i don't know why i said the things i said"
liquid courage was nothing compared to the state of his sanity. you had on the most unreadable expression he's ever seen. heck, you had never reacted like that the entire time he knew you; not when you had sat so close together, knees and arms touching under one blanket and not when he came knocking on your door one rainy night.
"words are like weapons, they wound sometimes."
he strums his guitar, words — lyrics — popping in his mind in time with the singer who was singing his heart out. words are beautiful because sometimes, they tell you exactly what you want to hear and this time, he means it. it is real. him on the stage, you by the bar; this is reality and each word he wrote for you are the words he hadn't been strong enough to say the night you became mercury and him, pluto.
"i didn't really mean to hurt you," he sees you cover your face with your hand and he stills, wondering if he messed up all over again, "i didn't wanna see you go."
before you were whatever this was, he was your best friend. he used to look out for you in his stupid, unconventional ways because that's the best he could do in his awkward, socially inept skin. he would wordlessly pass his lecture notes to you, pay for your fast-food runs, sign your excuse letters so it wouldn't be obviously fake. he never knew why he made such an effort with you when if it were anybody else, he'd scoff and move on with his day. looking back, maybe he knew the answer all this time. he's in love with you. for real this time.
you're kinda him so you knew what he meant with those words, "if I could reach the stars, i'd give 'em all to you. then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do."
such bittersweet words shake your resolve and you don't know how much more you can take. you're taken back to christmas eves spent in your apartment, hot cocoa and foam on his lips as 'the grinch' plays on the background. you finally meet his eyes after a long while of avoidance and you knew that he's there too.
"when you walked out that door i swore that i didn't care but i lost everything, darlin', then and there."
words were truly beautiful.
this time, he doesn't escape the conversation that must be had and you didn't either. he leaves his guitar the moment the song ends and runs to the backstage where you stand there looking aimless and very, very real. reaching his hand towards you was instinct — like he couldn't believe this was reality and you respond in kind, knowing how lonely it is to be alone in not knowing what you can believe in.
"you'll..." he sighs when your skin touches his, hands interlinking just as how he was used to, “we'll be okay, right?"
"maybe? i think so..." 
you sent him a watery smile and downing pride and fear better than vodka, he tugs your body until you're as close as can be. xiao still can't help but wonder if this is a dream.
you're his best friend and more. selfishly, he doesn't want to lose you — not again after coming back from that hell. you're the one who pulls him back when his aggression takes the better of him. you're the one who stubbornly forces tylenol down his throat whenever he was feeling sick. you were the one who approached him first and stayed even when he refused to return the trust you give him whenever you question everything in this world. you knew him and his intricacies first, the same way he was the first to unearth yours. you're the one who keeps his mind from spiraling — the solution to every single problem he can't seem to understand.
"don't cry," you murmur through your own tears, "i can't stand seeing you cry."
he can't help it, body relaxing with each passing second as the distance between you decreases once more, just as it should always be. frost thaws like the first day of spring. suddenly, it was like the december nights he endured were but a part of his imagination; his weird consciousness manipulating the sensory experience of bearing through the lack of warmth emitted by your body in his hold.
mysterianism is the belief that not a single being in the entire vast universe can decipher the hard problem of consciousness. the limits of human comprehension makes it impossible for anyone to grasp the idea of qualia — that is, an individual's subjective yet conscious experiences. the relief that renews his bones is one that cannot be explained and he preferred it this way out of the fear that if he questions it too deeply, the world will take offense and take you away from him again. his love and your forgiveness, though he can understand neither, he feels nothing but gratitude. it's beautiful, isn't it? in this vast world, you and him made perfect sense and no science or craft can ever come close to placing a value to the way your lovely smile was enough to calm all the raging thoughts in his head.
there was still so much that needs to be said — to be talked through — but that can wait until tomorrow morning. today, he basks in joy. love disappoints and love changes but he was able to catch you before you fully depart. he eyes your face and he can still read through your micro-expressions that speak so loudly of the way you were feeling the same things he was. he sees you and you're still the same as he remembers, if not more precious. it's you. it's really you and admitting it makes him feel like he's one of those down bad boys from dramas who'd jump and scream their professions of love from high school rooftops. and well, if that's what it takes to steal your heart away, he'd gladly be one with this version of him in some other universe.
"you've been staring at me for quite some time now," you promptly avoid his gaze when you hear the familiar lilt that cues his mischief, "you're not still thinking that you're the only conscious mind in this world, right?"
"...well, aren't you such a dream to have?"
mysterianism is a word and words are beautiful especially when it's so powerful that it can patch up old wounds in a minute. 
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TAGLIST / ask to be removed or added
@genshiningg @serenareiss @cloudybillows @abblebabble @scaraslover @ttaechi @sugarysylz @favonius-captain @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @lowilaufeyson @starforecasts @fiannee @nejibot @mininji @scaramew
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© 2021 𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐗𝐗. all rights reserved. do not copy, claim, repost or translate in any platforms but reblogs are appreciated.
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lume-nosity · 1 year
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undeniable love
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xiao x gn!reader
style: fluff & angst if you squint
song inspo: lavender by penelope scott & over the moon by penelope scott
an: can’t you guys tell i love xiao? and lavender is the angst half, while over the moon is the fluffy half. cool right? i love penelope scott’s songs <33!!! this was originally going to be total angst but i felt a little guilty and made it have a good ending. also, YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY FOR MY MELLOW HEARTS POST /POS THANK YOU SO MUCH ALL FOR 1K+ NOTES HOLY SHIT I’M SO GLAD YOU GUYS LIKE IT 💗💗
notes: not proofread, xiao could be ooc because i made him fluffy like a cloud, probably many grammar mistakes or some shit because i’ve written this at 12 am and kept it in my drafts for days
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Another night of Xiao cleaning up a hilichurl camp, his pace quickened in order to end the ordeal as quickly as possible. But so did Xiao’s heart, odd.
Why must his heart beat at an instantaneous pace? Was it from combat? No. He’s grown accustomed to battling throughout his years especially with fighting mere hilichurls. This occurrence is common, so why must he feel this way now?
After he finishes off the last hilichurl, he sighs and puts away his spear. Wiping the blood off of his face, he still feels his heart thumping at a steady but agile pace.
He clutches his chest with his right hand. He wishes for the feeling to stop because it’s starting to get on his nerves. He knows it wasn’t from the fight or exhaustion. So why? What’s the meaning of this warm, and adrenaline-like feeling? Was his karma debt finally consuming him whole?…No.
He’s still alive, and breathing. His heart’s pace has not faltered despite it all. Xiao’s patience is running thin. He wants answers, but nothing comes to mind.
He groaned and ripped his hand off of his chest. He glances at his right hand and opens up his palm. Observing it with his precise eyesight. “What is this feeling… It’s nothing like my karmic debt, but why does it hurt? But not in a way that it affects me. While it’s a warm, and serene feeling, it contradicts how this painful strain in my chest feels.”
Xiao’s head shoots up. His eyes slightly widened as he may have come to a conclusion. His breath hitched and he covered his mouth in embarrassment. A light pink tint appeared on his cheeks. His heart beated faster than before. “This.. I.. refuse to believe such inglorious things.” He released his hand from his face, “I must calm myself.”
In an attempt to calm himself down, he teleported to a quiet field. This field in particular is one of his favorite places to relax in, or at least to enjoy the solitude it provided. But if he could get unluckier, he noticed you minding your business to pick up some flowers from afar. If only his keen eyesight lied to him.
Xiao gasped and quickly teleported away from you. You hear a gasp and turn towards the source of the sound. There was nobody there. You were confused, but shrugged and continued to pick some flowers.
Xiao teleported to a random mountain in the outskirts of Liyue. He looked around to make sure he’s truly alone and once he’s confirmed he’s by himself, his eyes glued to the ground. That accidental appearance did not help soothe his beating heart at all. It’d only made it worse.
He could feel his face start to burn and as hard as he tries to shove away the feeling, nothing works. Panting, he attempts to whisper the following words, “I.. I have feelings for them, don’t I…? But how could this be? In all of my years of suffering not once have I felt this way for a mortal before.” He squeezed his eyes shut and crossed his arms. He scoffed, “Tch.” His eyes slowly opened and his gaze softened. “….What if they’ll leave me too?”
Xiao shook his head vigorously, refusing to think you’d do such a thing. You and him have spent numerous times together doing various activities. Spending time during lantern rite, eating almond tofu together, and even playing in the snow at Dragonspine with him. So the thought isn’t valid at the slightest. But deep inside, he doesn’t want to hurt you. He didn’t want to hurt you with his karmic debt, because he knows how mortals like yourself are fragile.
He choked on his breath and his teeth gritted. Xiao looked up at the sky, now conflicted with his feelings and ideals, but was interrupted by hearing footsteps coming his way. He quickly summoned his spear and got in a battle position, ready to strike at whatever’s coming his way.
“Xiao, don’t worry. It’s me.” That voice. That euphoric voice. The same voice that talked with him for hours, the same voice that put him to sleep one night, the same voice that’s yours. Xiao’s entire figure turned into melting butter. Putting his spear away, he lets out a swift apology.
“I’m sorry Y/n. I wasn’t aware that it was you who'd arrived here. But..” His eyes trailed towards the flowers in your hands and then up at your own. “What brings you here?” He completely ignores the pounding of his heart.
You’ve been staring into the Adeptus’ amber eyes for a short while, and because of that you jumped a little when you heard him ask you a question. “Oh! I’ve come to give you some flowers I’ve picked up at a field. Here!”
Your hands moved closer to Xiao, trying to give him the flowers you’ve graciously picked just for him. And while Xiao’s heart practically malfunctioned at the simple kind action and was internally freaking out over how close you two are, he still managed to keep a stoic face on.
“Th..Thank you.” He takes the flowers off of your hands.
Well, he ‘tried’ to keep a stoic face on. He couldn’t be serious about this, especially if it’s about you. He almost slapped his face over how he sounded. But you smiled at how cute Xiao looks. You could see how pink his face is, so you mentally pat yourself on the back for that. “Of course, also the flowers weren’t the only reason why I’m here.”
Xiao’s eyes widened as if he’d seen a ghost that actually scared him but he’s preparing himself for what you had to say. His ears are wide open.
“I have come to terms with this recently, so..” You took a deep breath, your heart beating a little faster from the nervousness, “I like you, Xiao. I do.” Now, when you were honest with how you felt so quickly, at an occasion like this, it almost made Xiao’s knees buckle.
Though, it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off of him after hearing those words from you. He was glad he was wrong about you leaving him. Because he, too, feels the same way for you. So his now beating heart has reverted back to a calm pace.
But what he didn’t expect is for his body to move on its own and his arms wrap around your figure. The flowers in his hand were discarded from the action. You were caught off guard at the action, the sudden warmth emanating from his body made you feel at ease. You slowly wrap your hands around him and your eyes flutter close. Embracing the shared warmth.
The Adeptus was internally yelling at himself for doing such an action. Scolding himself, fighting himself, he wishes he was able to leave but he can’t. He mutters out apologies in a panic and when he was going to let go, you tugged him closer to you. Not intending to let go just yet. Xiao flinched at your action, but he didn't say anything. Though he could feel his entire body burn not just from the embrace, but how his feelings had exploded inside of him.
He closes his eyes, melting into your embrace. His head resting on your shoulder. As the two of you are comfortably feeling each other’s warmth, in a comfortable silence, Xiao whispered his own confession to you.
“I like you too. You’re the only one who made me feel such feelings that I’m unfamiliar with. However..” Xiao tightened his hold on you. “I can rest easy now that you feel the same way for me. As well as not choosing to leave my side all this time. So..”
Xiao’s head moves slightly away from your shoulder to remove a lock of your hair away from your face. For a few seconds of getting lost into each other's eyes, he cups your cheek. “Thank you for staying with me.”
A millisecond after saying that, you clashed your lips onto his. Xiao made a squeak of surprise, his arms raised up at your bold action. But he moves his arms to wrap around your waist, pulling you closer to deepen the kiss. His flowers sway with the wind.
Inside his mind, he was aware that you’re not immortal like him so you aren’t able to live for long. He promised himself he will make your years as memorable and safe as they can be. Even if it meant putting himself at risk, that’s fine. Because he loves you and you love him.
He will protect you and care for you for as long as he can. Xiao will make your time with him worth it. Your smile is what drives him to be the best he can be. It’s the source that can quiet his karmic debt. Turns out, he does have a purpose.
You as a whole is his purpose.
And that’s what matters most to him.
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cigato-mentolado · 1 year
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venti
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spumonibones · 16 days
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I was *trying* to finish writing Chapter 03 for "Feathered Vengeance," but it's too late. Hyperfixating to bang out 2-3k just isn't viable, too close to bedtime. So instead, have a XiaoVen fic idea I simply do NOT have the time or motivation to write. Maybe if I throw enough of these ideas out there someone else will be inspired and write their version.
Another reincarnation-style idea (never enough of those), canon divergence style. Venti's fear has proven to be founded, the Great Sins have been committed by the alchemists of Monstadt. The Principalities once more demand the destruction of a civilization, this time the one full of his children. The first time had been devastating enough, a cruel ask he never quite recovered from.
Barbatos cannot destroy his children, and thus he is punished. Isn't that always the way? If one dares to defy the Four Shades, they will not permit such a Sin go. They will not risk letting Barbatos resist to protect his home. Istaroth makes an attempt at mercy, but what is humane mercy to gods that only understand force and control?
The Ley Lines bring Venti back, each time without memories. For the next thirty years, as he approaches that last birthday the Erosion takes away the human memories he has... Until the ones as a deity take his last breath. Over. And over. And over. Those last years are cruel, as he loses that which he gained and remembers what he will forever continue to lose. It is a cruel curse, but the gods deem it mercy - after all, he will continue to live, will he not? Even if he will remember the fires of Khaerin'rah and Mondtadt each time in those.
When first learning of it, Xiao makes a choice of his own. The Era of Humans has taken Liyue's need for yaksha away. But after two millenia of only protecting, of only sacrificing, learning how to live is difficult. Xiao only knew how to live for others, never himself. So he chooses to find Venti each time. When Venti turns twenty, Xiao finds a way to befriend him. Every time, offers comfort and protection in those final years. Is the only familiar face in those last moments, is a hand to hold.
And then... One time, something changes. Before the memories of Barbatos return, as they will, Venti does something different. There's a kiss. A confession. It's new and terrifying and... Wonderful? Heart-breaking. Fulfilling. There's a whirlwind of emotions. Xiao can't. He doesn't understand the new sensation, doesn't understand being loved for who he is instead of what he can do. So he rejects him, retreats before it's Venti's time. Is filled with guilt, but still returns for that last month. Can't bear leaving Venti to be alone in those moments. Not when the fire destroys so much.
The next lifetime, there's time. Two and half decades to think, to decide. That time, he tries. Xiao studied and asked and practiced in a mirror and... This one, he says, "yes." Ten horrible and beautiful years pass. The next lifetime, he asks. He's given a yes.
Each lifetime there's a yes. Always a yes. No matter how many good byes there are, there's the ease of the knowledge that there will be a future with another, "hello."
A cruel cycle, but one he accepts.
Until... That next time. When their eyes meet and instead of a smile and a hello... He is greeted with a warm smile along with a, "Hello again, Xiao."
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hiistoriiaa · 9 months
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Crossing Over
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Characters: Zhongli, Hu Tao, Xiao, mention of Guizhong. Canon compliant.
Tw: angst, death (but with a happy ending)
ao3 link here
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“Good morning, Director.”
“Good morning Zhongli!” The director cheered, waving to the older man who strolled through the doors. He said that every morning, and every morning, she responded with some version of a greeting. She tried to spice things up within his strict routine. Zhongli liked his routines …
She was good to him . He started working for her about ten years ago when she was just fifteen, when her grandfather was still alive. After he passed, Zhongli helped her plan the funeral, as she was too shaken to do it herself. He was good to her .
“A beautiful day, isn’t it?” he commented, opening the windows and letting a breeze in. It was a normal comment, yet it made Hu Tao feel uneasy. He hadn’t said that before. He usually walked in, made them both tea, and sat down in the little loveseat she had purchased for him when he started, and would read the paper.
“Uh, yeah..” she squinted at him, making a face. What was with him? She scrambled out of her chair and went to lean against the windowsill with him, looking at the harbor. He was right, it was a beautiful day. The clouds were few but fluffy and bright, the sky was a beautiful blue, and the crests of the ocean waves sparkled with sunlight. “It sure is. What makes ya say that? Are you not gonna go make tea and relax?” She nudged him playfully, looking up at him.
Hu Tao wasn’t stupid. She knew he didn’t age. She knew about adepti, about the mysterious traveler’s adventures, about the archons. She knew all those years ago that the geo archon wasn’t truly gone. She could feel it in her bones, that Liyue still had his spirit. But… she also wasn’t stupid . She could tell that her beloved employee was growing tired. Coughing. Walking with a cane. He was hanging on, just like Liyue was.
“Today, I believe I will observe what is good.” He said, looking down at her. His eyes were wise. That was another tell of who he was. “It is a special day, Director Tao. I believe you should appreciate it as well. Join me for a walk?” It was more of a statement than a question, and who was she to say no? Their schedule was clear, so she looped her arm with Zhongli’s before strolling out of the parlor, locking the door behind them.
He took a breath after a moment, surely preparing himself for the ramble he was about to make. “When I was young, I would stroll down these streets with the woman I loved. She loved this place, and taught me to as well. She passed away in my arms years ago, but she hasn’t been forgotten. Her light, her spirit… it lives on in Liyue.”
“I bet she was wonderful,” Hu Tao commented, patting Zhongli’s wrist. She wasn’t the best with affection sometimes, especially now since she was still feeling out what exactly was up with him today. “She was. She reminds me of you, in some ways. So adoring of human spirits.” Hu Tao hummed in response, smiling a little, wondering how many years ago he was speaking of.
“I met General Alatus later, and all of his family. He’s the last one. Please, keep care of him. He’s like a son to me. We protected this place, and I am so proud of what it turned into.” He strolled over the pond, up the stairs, over to a balcony that overlooked Liyue. It was beautiful, the sun still somewhat cool in comparison to the midday heat.
“Zhongli..” she turned to him, giving him a look. “Tell me what’s going on.” She said, placing her hand over his, meeting his eyes. They were pretty.. Deep.. intelligent.. The color of geo.
“Hu Tao,” he sighed, a small smile on his lips, “you know me quite well. I do not take it for granted. I have always felt comfortable around you, as I have known your family since they migrated to Liyue Harbor. I appreciate your dedication to the community, and all that you do for me. Letting me work for you… letting me spend time with you… paying me to do barely anything. You looked out for me in my eldest age. Thank you.”
At once, it hit her what he was talking about. Her heart sank to her stomach, her neck tightening up as she bit back her emotions, not wanting to interrupt his speech for long. She managed to get out, “It’s been my pleasure,” voice quieter and shakier than she intended it to be.
He chuckled, the warm sound putting her at ease. It didn’t erase the sorrow, but it felt nice. “I am sure you are aware of erosion. Of the cliffs, of history, of archons.” Zhongli looked out again, the sun lighting up his face. A memorable face, a familiar one. “I have been living with it for a long time now. It is tiring, I admit, but I go through the weeks knowing my days are worth living. Now, I do believe the fatigue has finally caught up to me. Hu Tao,” he paused, turning to her, “Would you cross over with me? To make sure I get there safely. With Guizhong. With my friends.”
She didn’t know what to say. She looked up at him, nodding a little. “Of course, Zhongli.” Hu Tao’s flowered eyes were overflowing with tears as she stepped forward, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tight, close to her. She hadn’t really thought about it, but he had occupied the hole in her heart that had formed when she lost her family. He kept an eye on her, made her laugh, and made sure she got home safely. She didn’t know what to do without him, really. In her mind, she had thought that he’d always be there, since she knew who he was. But, she knew death was a part of life. An inevitable one.
“You’ll be okay,” she assured him, voice muffled, tears most definitely leaving little wet spots on the nice suit he wore. “You’ll get there safely, okay?” She pulled back after a moment of embracing each other, looking up at him. He wasn’t scared. He was ready. It was his time, and somehow, she felt that too (even though she didn't want to feel it).
“I will be. Like I said, Guizhong isn’t really gone. I won’t really be gone, either.” He assured her, sitting down. He struggled a little to sit on the ground, his expression frustrated for a moment. Not as spry as he used to be, chucking mountains and meteors at enemies. Age isn’t forgiving. Time isn’t either.
She sat down next to him, getting comfortable as he did, his back resting against a rock. “Are you comfortable?” she asked, to which he nodded, a little smile on his face, giving her a look that said no need to fret over me . “Can you hold my hand?” Hu Tao asked, reaching out, lacing their fingers together, her rings catching on his glove a little bit. “Okay. I know you’re.. Different, so just.. When you’re ready, you can let go. I’ll be there, okay?”
He sighed deeply, the tension in his shoulders releasing as his eyes fluttered closed, the gentle expression on his face not leaving. He seemed content, so Hu Tao followed, eyes closing, squeezing his hand. When they opened, they were in a different realm. There were trees with orange leaves bordering a path paved with rocks and little plants. It was so welcoming.
Everyone’s paths to the other side were different. She had seen different regions, different settings, different weather, everything. This place felt almost magical, maybe because it was for an archon. “How are you feeling?” she asked, looking over at him. He didn’t look like his old, human self. He looked like Morax, the one she had seen in textbooks, who was sitting still as stone on top of statues of the seven. All her suspicions were instantly confirmed, shocked at the god in front of her.
“Divine.” he responded, heading towards the path. He knew what he had to do, where to go. There wasn’t really anywhere else to go. She looked down at their hands, still linked. She’d hate to let go.
“I’m glad.” she said, walking with him. “You know, I wanted to thank you again. For looking after me, too. It went both ways, with us. I’ll never forget you, Zhongli.”
They met the end of the road far too soon for her liking. Hu Tao kicked her shoe in the dirt, procrastinating for just a bit more time with the man. “I’m about to let go. Are you ready?”
Zhongli.. Morax… nodded his head once, the same expression adorning his features. Content. He paused, looking at the light for a moment before looking back at her. “Be well, Hu Tao.”
His hand dropped.
The director opened her eyes, seeing the suit he wore and kept so tidy sitting in a pile of sand, pebbles, and dust. This must be the gods' erosion, she realized. She wasn't sure exactly what to do next. She picked up his suit and shook the dirt out of it, laying it over her arm. Then, she scooped up a handful and held it carefully within her hands, not wanting the wind to blow any away. She trekked back to the funeral parlor, extremely aware of just how alone she was. How she’d walk back into the building and not smell the tea he’d made, but only the breeze of the harbor from the open window.
He wasn't really gone.
A few days later, she called for Xiao. He showed up like he always did. He knew already. She eyed him over, figuring out how exactly he needed comfort. If she wasn’t careful, he would claim he didn’t need or deserve any comfort, mutter something about karma, and disappear. So, she decided to tease him about his real name, Alatus, being revealed. He made a face of shock and disgust before scolding her, not meaning any of the sharp words. He knew she knew, and in his way, he was comforting her right back.
For the following years that came and went, the adeptus visited her frequently. He found comfort in the parlor just like the archon did, appreciating the tea, the sea breeze, and the familiar suit that was displayed behind glass.
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ladymoony-art · 1 year
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"Destiny...?"
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atheliasnotebook · 2 years
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《 Liyue: Xiao 》
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It's too late. The connection between us is too strong. Even if you wanted to, it's too late to sever it. Hm? You've never thought to sever it? *sigh* This eternal dance of demon subjugation... My fight goes on. But I would like to know more about you. (More About Xiao: V)
a dozy admiration sleeping next to xiao is peaceful. he, too, finds himself at peace for once while looking at you.
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feelinmatcha · 5 months
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❛ 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐍 ❜
mentions: self deprecation, gn! reader, sobbing, angst?? word count: 185 inspired off of black friday by tom odell
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sometimes, you wished you were better.
you wanted a pretty face, a decent amount of fat on your body instead of too much, and no acne scars that undoubtedly made everyone stare at your face for a second longer. the dread you feel when getting up from your bed, already wanting to itch and peel at your skin because of how much you despised it.
but he would pull you closer, cradle you in his bigger arms, and whisper that you were already better than anyone. you were his type of pretty, wasn't that enough?
the kisses he would litter on the apple of your cheeks would feel heavenly but the pit in your stomach still caved in on itself. you oh-so wanted to believe every word but you felt ugly and ashamed of yourself in every possible way and all you could do was cry on the bathroom floor as he waited on the other side of the door, every second of your stuttering sobs shattering his heart into pieces.
in his eyes, you were pretty like the sun.
yet you wouldn't allow yourself to stray that close to one.
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─ (jjk) nanami, itadori, (hk) hinata, kuroo, iwaizumi, matsukawa, bokuto, atsumu or osamu, akaashi, kageyama, kenma, tsukishima, daichi, sugawara, ASAHI (op) SANJI, zoro, usopp, trafalgar law, luffy (gi) neuvillette, wriothesley, zhongli, ITTO, DILUC, cyno, tighnari, KAZUHA, aether, alhaitham, thoma, xiao, (dc) jason todd, dick grayson, tim drake, AND ANY OF YOUR FAVS!!
authors note: i would have wrote a lot more if it wasn't almost one in the morning TT sorry everyone!!
borders: saradika
© feelinmatcha 2023
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www-brontide · 17 days
Note
Hello, I'd like to request a comfort / fluff fanfic mainly with xiao but you can add other characters, but hopefully xiao
Gn!reader is insecure with their ability to fall in love with people because they feel as though their emotional qualities are lacking (feeling like they'd never be able to?) and because they're fearful, they end up avoiding xiao for some time but he manages to pick up on the avoidance but still is confused, so he tries to understand what's going on despite the inexperience
Gn!reader gets comforted but afraid, but xiao does his best to reassure them in his very xiao-like ways (confused at first on what to do, reluctantly patting gn!reader's head, ending up saying words that still sound quite in character but still comforting)
I think that would be nice, I hope that makes sense, thank you! Not forced
⊰ i could never choose to love another. 🎐「 xiao. hurt/comfort 」 dreamscape. emotionally insecure? that’s okay; that doesn’t mean your boyfriend will love you any less.
memory zone. self-esteem issues, emotional insecurity, implications of past ‘i love you’s being a lie?, reader is scared, avoiding communication (at first), doubting feelings, angst, eventual comfort, xiao is trying his best as per usual. memokeeper musings. (nonnie do you have cameras set up in my room /j) this has been sitting in my inbox for almost two week im so sorry nonnie JAJFJGJKDH also how we likin the new format??? 🥹 @soleillunne!!
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            It’s always been hard for you to identify feelings, much less express them outright. Well, the more complex ones that can’t be explained through one sentence alone. Perhaps after so long, the lines between ‘genuine’ and ‘fake’ started to blur, leaving but only a hollow trace of confusion. You weren’t sure when it started, for most of your past memories are hazy, at best.
            ‘I love you’s were always few and far between in your relationship with Xiao. That didn’t immediately signify that this was a loveless relationship— quite the contrary actually, but the man saves those three sacred words for moments of pure serenity, tranquility, and intimacy. 
            But as for you, well, it was a rather… perplexing situation, to say the least. In short, you were terrified. Terrified of the words ‘I love you’ ending up being yet another fabrication of your emotions, as it had once been in the past long before you met him. And if it was… you’d never be able to forgive yourself; Xiao loves you honestly and earnestly, and to realize that you hadn’t been genuine with how you feel would be devastating for him and for you.
            …You couldn’t take that risk; in your eyes, Xiao deserved so much better. So, in order to protect him from yourself, you had to push him away, before you could get the chance to hurt him more than he already is. Was it truly the right decision, though…?
            Now you’d been visiting Wangshu Inn less and less, and interaction between the two of you was scarce— normally, Xiao would’ve understood; you had your own matters to attend to just as he does, after all. But this time felt different. Off. It felt like… like it was done deliberately. Had he done something to upset you? He didn’t think that was it, Xiao was always making an effort to be mindful and considerate around you.
            Were you in a bad mood? He recalled that there are times where you’d avoid interaction when angered or when the people around you pushed you too far; but in the end, you still confided in him about the source of your irritation and frustration after awhile. Xiao was not a particular expert in comforting others, but he knew how to listen.
            More questions led to more logical conclusions that didn’t quite explain your recent apparent avoidance. You were completely fine around your circle of friends, so why was it only him that you avoided like the plague? Is he doing something wrong or was there something wrong with him? Were you… getting tired of him, distancing yourself from him until it grows far too wide? Did you realize that he wasn’t the most optimal choice of partner…? Was this really it?
            ‘…No. Cease making your worries grow by the second. Pull yourself together. Confront them.’ Xiao internally berated himself and attempted to shake off that invasive way of thinking, but the thoughts still lingered in the back of his mind. If… If there was truly a chance you no longer wanted this relationship… at least you’d be able to communicate.
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            “X—Xiao!?”
            Sharp amber eyes looked into yours, hands on both sides of your head resting on the wall behind you, leaving little room to escape. Xiao had affectively trapped you between him and the wall. Now, he would thought of other methods to confront you, but you slithered away from his grasp each time with nothing but a shallow excuse, so you really left him no other choice.
            “You have been avoiding me. Not anyone else, not your friends, but I, your partner. Why?” His gaze softened, tilting his head slightly as his eyes peered into yours. He didn’t want to make you feel pressured or uncomfortable in this current situation; that’s the last thing Xiao wants for you.
            “I— I’ve just been—” “Do not lie to me. Do not hit me with the ‘busy’ excuse; it will work no longer,” He promptly cut you off. Xiao’s tone came off a tad sharper than he’d like when speaking to you, but he needed to get his point across. When he was met with no response from you, he sighed softly; “am I… doing something wrong? I told you to inform me beforehand if I am, no? So… tell me, please.”
            “No, no! It’s not you— there’s nothing wrong with you, Xiao,” That ‘please’ caught you off-guard, to say the very least; “it’s… me.”
            Xiao, at first, was relieved to know that he hadn’t hurt you enough in some form to warrant you avoiding his presence. He straightened his posture a little more as his hands slid down the wall, stopping just above your shoulders. At those last two words, he raised a confused brow; “You? Please elaborate.”
            You were hesitant, but it wasn’t fair to keep Xiao in the dark after he bore his heart open to you, and only you. No one else. So, with too much to lose, you did the same. From how you felt emotionally inadequate, to the fear you felt of your love being but a measly fabrication of your mind to trick your heart. In the safe confines of your bedroom, you poured your heart out to him.
            Xiao listened intently, feelings of guilt creeping up his own heart — he should’ve noticed this sooner — but never did he once interrupt. No matter how much his heart ached. Because despite how it was hard for him to hear this, he understood that it was even harder for you to say. By the end of it, you two were seated on your bed, and once you were finished explaining, his hand slowly moved to intertwine itself with yours.
            His other hand gently pulled you in closed in a half-hug, your head resting on his shoulder. “…Is this okay?” You nodded. Even after all this time, he still asks for your consent whenever he is the initiating physical contact instead of the other way around.
            “I… sincerely apologize for not realizing how you feel. I am unsure if you have noticed, but I have. I have always felt your love each and every moment that we spend with one another. It is raw, unconditional, real, genuine. That is just a fact that has been made known to me for so long. Therefore, even though you may think that I deserve better, I truly do not share that sentiment; you are the one for me. I could never choose to love another.”
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© www-brontide 2024 — do not steal, plagiarize, or repost onto another platform without my explicit permission.
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idyllic-affections · 1 year
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GI MASTERLIST — ♡
characters are listed in alphabetical order. last updated on august 1st, 2023.
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AETHER—
nothing yet.
AL-HAITHAM—
what if kaveh adopted a child? (pt. ii)
how is [name]'s first heartbreak handled?
general friendship headcanons (sumeru).
random adoptive dad!kaveh angst.
ARLECCHINO—
dad!pantalone brainrot iii.
AYAKA—
nothing yet.
BAIZHU—
dad!pantalone brainrot iv.
i know my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes.
thoughts on baizhu & childhood friend!reader.
migraine comfort.
general friendship headcanons (liyue).
JUNIOR HERBALIST!READER SERIES—
invisible disability? it's rather visible to me.
thoughts on chronically ill!reader.
employee benefits.
the contract's cycle.
a slip of the tongue.
heat exhaustion.
BEIDOU—
big brother kazuha and big sister beidou.
general friendship headcanons (liyue).
COLUMBINA—
dad!pantalone brainrot iii.
COLLEI—
what if kaveh adopted a child? (pt. ii)
how is [name]'s first heartbreak handled?
family botany lessons.
general friendship headcanons (sumeru).
CYNO—
how is [name]'s first heartbreak handled?
what if kaveh's child wanted to be a dancer?
fatherly duties.
general friendship headcanons (sumeru).
EI—
nothing yet.
GOROU—
nothing yet.
IL DOTTORE—
dad!pantalone brainrot iii.
dad!pantalone brainrot iv.
ignorance is a sin which may lead to grave error.
ITTO—
nothing yet.
KAEYA—
together through thick and thin.
if we have each other.
how does the presence of kaeya's sibling change the fallout?
you should know i'll be there for you.
KAVEH—
a love unlike any other.
angel kisses.
may my guard never drop, for should my heart be allowed to breathe, i fear i may cause you harm.
general friendship headcanons (sumeru).
migraine comfort.
ADOPTIVE DAD!KAVEH SERIES—
what if kaveh adopted a child?
what if kaveh adopted a child? (pt. ii)
artistic inclination.
how is [name]'s first heartbreak handled?
what if kaveh's child wanted to be a dancer?
how does [name] get their vision?
how would kaveh react to his child getting their vision?
i'll be back.
random adoptive dad!kaveh angst.
KAZUHA—
big brother kazuha and big sister beidou.
if i am the wind, fleeting and transient, you are the steady and constant earth upon which i stand.
KLEE—
nothing yet.
KOKOMI—
nothing yet.
LA SIGNORA—
for your happiness, dearest one.
dad!pantalone brainrot ii.
dad!pantalone brainrot iii.
ignorance is a sin which may lead to grave error.
LUMINE—
nothing yet.
NAHIDA—
general friendship headcanons (sumeru).
NILOU—
what if kaveh's child wanted to be a dancer?
nilou as a big sister.
general friendship headcanons (sumeru).
NINGGUANG—
nothing yet.
PANTALONE—
dad!pantalone brainrot.
dad!pantalone brainrot ii.
dad!pantalone brainrot iii.
dad!pantalone brainrot iv.
ignorance is a sin which may lead to grave error.
dad!pantalone brainrot v.
a winter night's lazzo.
dad!pantalone thoughts.
PULCINELLA—
nothing yet.
QIQI—
invisible disability? it's rather visible to me.
general friendship headcanons (liyue).
SCARAMOUCHE/THE WANDERER—
what's with this sassy, lost child?
hairstyling.
the art of being gentle.
general friendship headcanons (sumeru).
SUCROSE—
nothing yet.
TARTAGLIA—
dad!pantalone brainrot iii.
i know my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes.
TIGHNARI—
what if kaveh adopted a child? (pt. ii)
how is [name]'s first heartbreak handled?
what does tighnari do when his child is ill?
family botany lessons.
general friendship headcanons (sumeru).
VENTI—
to keep the wind at bay.
there is strength in numbers.
though the wind may carry everyone's woes, who carries the wind's?
when their sibling can't sleep.
XIAO—
the dendro yaksha.
how does xiao comfort his sibling after night terrors?
when their sibling can't sleep.
general friendship headcanons (liyue).
ZHONGLI—
there is strength in numbers.
general friendship headcanons (liyue).
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prpfs · 8 days
Note
Hello hello! ✨🪭
Calling all Genshin Impact dead-dovers to the front! I am a 21 year old writer who needs 18+ fellow GI fans to roleplay with. :]
I’m a multishipper, so that means I ship quite literally almost and every ship there is to be shipped. Some I don’t vibe with, but the pool is pretty big. I hope for this to reach a potential future roleplay partner. I want to explore deeper topics that don’t very much get touched in the roleplay community - or rather, have plots that have sustenance. Depth and angst, turmoil and drama. But I do enjoy the occasional light hearted roleplay. Of course. :)
I’m a writer that is freshly graduated from college so my free time has widened and I’m looking to fill those gaps in with some friends to make and partners to keep. I’m a switch (90% sub leaning, but top and bottom is pretty vers, power bottom, service top etc), so this usually transfers to my characters/muses as well. Not usually in personality, just dynamic when it comes down to it. I’m nonbinary, so I usually play androgynous characters, or I headcanon their genders/sexuality to be different. (I.E, Cyno is FTM trans). So I humbly ask for partners of every race, color and gender. 🤲🙏🏽 Just please be 18+!
I am looking to play…
My Fav muses!
Cyno, Kazuha, Xiao, Lyney/Freminet
But I can also play…
Hu Tao, Ayaka, Childe, Bennett, Ganyu, Heizou, Venti…off the top of my head. List goes much on.
Though I’m less likely to muse Wriothesley, Alhaitham, Clorinde, Dehya, Xingqiu and some others.
If you mainly muse Zhongli, Tighnari, Yelan, Wriothesley, or Scaramouche, definitely like. 🎀
My fav dead dover tropes are psychological torture, stalking(+++), yandere, mutual obsession/toxic codependency, anything relating to pregnancy(+++++), incest, cnc. But I’m pretty limitless (still got ‘em, but scarce).
I hope this reaches someone. I need the Genshin itch to be scratched. Also I need to project onto my characters (Kazuha may want to follow someone..) Like this and I’ll reach out! I primarily roleplay on discord, so we can build a server and hopefully match eachother’s energy, gush about our chars and share art! My writing literacy is fluid, pretty literate to novella. You don’t have to come with plots. :] We can create some! I like sharing ideas.
Wlw, mlm, and nbla absolutely come forth too. I need some ccxcc goodness of all types.
Thanks for reading this long ad! Bye!
Leave a like, and anon will get back to you!
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