#gimme like... 24 hours on it

[blinkpen]

On top of Viv being pure shit at writing, crap designs, awful production methods etc what gets me is just how *mean* everything is, I had to see a clip where one character almost said the R word before swapping to “really can’t say that anymore” as a “joke” about how people got mad she used it in a pilot. Just an awful garbage human being and I hate seeing how much fan art and attention those shitty shows get

The actual reason that scene is hilarious is she uses Blitz to make the writing equivalent of a subtweet to mope about how people don't find it charming when Blitz calls other characters slurs, and how he's not "allowed" the r-word anymore, the resentful self-awareness is radiating off this moment

but then later in this same scene, he is, without that same level of irony, depicted as being hurt by the stupid fantasy slur viv made up for imps for a child to call him, and confronting the mother about where the child possibly learned such a word, and it does not at all feel like it was a deliberate evolution of his character, it doesn't even feel at all connected to the start of the scene where he avoided using a slur himself, because the entire tone changes in how its presented, and then he will go right back to using other unrelated slurs within 30 seconds

blitzo isnt bothered by slurs unless they are aimed at him, because viv thinks slurs are funny until she needs to woobify an awful cartoon dad because it's bad if THEY get called something mean (they can be as mean as they want to anybody else though. but cmon. everyone has problems. especially dads. go easy on horrible dads guys, that's my aesop). like. now that it's time to remind you you're supposed find Blitz sympathetic despite not earning that, at all, ever, suddenly there's a ridiculous N-word for imps ("fire toads") and he just got called that and now you're supposed to take the harm of slurs and how they propagate seriously and you're supposed to hate the demon-racist bitch who he confronts about it, but also remember to then be like Oh Blitz You Lovably Flawed Rascal when he turns right around and resumes calling any other character any real-life slur under the sun that viv felt like cramming in his mouth today

#hhhhverse tag of spite #thats what im gonna use i think you can block that if you need to #but i promise guys this is just a release of YEARS of pent up catharsis once i get enough out i'll shut up n not bring it up again lmao #gimme like... 24 hours on it

[blujayonthewing]

I love to get swept up in researching stuff like ‘best kind of clothes for hiking/ camping’ and then go to try to find some of those clothes to wishlist and be reminded that fat women aren’t allowed to wear things

#so caught up in the euphoria of outdoorsmanning that for a moment I lived in a world where fatphobia doesn't exist #I was also planning on buying Fancy Pretty Underwear for my wedding day and ended up just kinda giving up in despair #I wanted to be indulgent and get real silk and wouldn't you know it the answer is pretty much just no :) #fat men are marginally more allowed to live and have things as a general rule BUT (very broadly speaking) have narrower hips #so it cancels out in the search for pants or underwear specifically :') #listen it was 60f and rained for 24 straight hours while we were camping this weekend and I'm in love with my wool socks now #gimme wool undies! gimme wool jammies! can a bitch live PLEASE #and like I happen to have the resources and werewithal to make my own clothes in theory BUT #1) I shouldn't fucking have to that is Not The Point #pants are HARD and also my adhd ass always intends to make clothes and never gets around to it so you know... not entirely pragmatic anyway #about me

[painless-innit-colourful]

I think I'm fundamentally a different person to the one that watched the first half of that stream. The word "Utah" was a flashpoint moment and I will literally never be the same.

#looking at my posts from yesterday like. oh they have no idea what's coming #if you'd have told me on friday night that 'ut' actually meant utah. i'd have laughed you out of the room. AND YET #honestly if you'd told me back on nov 15th 2020 that this is how it would end would i still be here now? yes. probably #i'll come around. gimme 24 hours #dream smp #crim speaks

[batshit-auspol]

I really enjoy this blog so much. Gimme your most favorite batshit auspolitics moment from the 2000s to 2010s. please. i am morbidly curious.

2007: The APEC conference, where all global leaders converge in one city to pretend like they're doing things, is to be held in Sydney, Australia. With the war on terror in full swing, security is at a maximum, and large swathes of the city are placed behind a giant multi-layered steel fence to keep the world leaders far away from the unwashed masses.

Attempting to ward off trouble, organisers of the conference hold a meeting with notorious political comedy prank group "The Chaser", to tell them they are, under absolutely no circumstances getting anywhere near any world leaders, and to not even bother trying.

"The whole perimeter is secure," security forces told them sternly. "The only thing getting through that fence is a motorcade."

24 hours later The Chaser were on their way towards the fence with a motorcade.

Now a few things should have tipped off security guards that this fake Canadian motorcade was not a the real deal. Number one: Canada wasn't at the conference, number two: no country has actually had security running alongside cars since the 60s, and three: most security guards don't carry video cameras with them or passes that read "this is fake".

Nevertheless the ruse was more successful than anyone had anticipated, and The Chaser team were happily waved into the most secure area on planet earth by police, who informed the incognito comedians that "the road is yours."

Reaching the outside of George Bush's hotel, the pranksters now began to worry that they were never going to be stopped by police and decided to get out of the car and walk back to the fence.

While dressed as Osama Bin Laden.

At this point all hell broke loose. Snipers were locked on. Confused police scrambled, and immediately arrested the whole group, only breathing a sigh of relief when they saw the words "Chaser" on the fake security passes.

Bizarrely the police opted to give a full escort to the guy dressed in a suit, and allowed the other man cosplaying as the world's most wanted terrorist to just casually walk out on his own before booking him at the perimeter.

The Chaser team said that while being put in a cell overnight wasn't fun, they were less stressed after police started visiting to ask for photos and signatures.

The prank group were later hauled before the courts and threatened with a massive fine, but the case was eventually dropped after they successfully argued that it's not technically breaking-in if the cops happily wave you into a high security zone.

Needless to say they have changed that law for future APECs.

Making light of the situation, the prank group also returned to the site a few days later dressed as carboard cars, to see just how flimsy a disguise could get past police.

This time at least, they were not let in.

#australia #auspol #history #fun facts

[toxicanonymity]

can we have another sex pollen fic 🫣🫣🫣

picks up after Lazaretto where you were precautionarily quarantined together and subjected to a treatment that had a sex pollen effect on Joel 🥵. Check content settings if you can't see that one.

Lazaretto: Horny reader

1k / Joel x horny!f!reader

Warnings: Horny reader pressures Joel for sex as he struggles with guilt / fear. Jacking off. unsafe P in V sex. Prev story (referenced) was noncon. Unedited.

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

After Joel is seized by the fog and ferally pounds you, y’all still have another 24 hours in the tent together nearly nude before they’ll let you go. It's a long time to spend with someone in these circumstances. Long enough for you to recover and need more.

He’s traumatized by the experience, overwhelmed by guilt. You reassure him it felt good, as if he didn’t already know you came on his cock, but that doesn’t make him feel any better. He's torturing himself. He’s still feeling the fog, too, even though it’s faded.

He has a hard dick, but by now he’s regained enough control to restrain himself. He’s too ashamed to even relieve himself in front of you. Too ashamed or too afraid of what he might do. You spend most of the day pretending to nap so he can periodically jack off unembarrassed. He grunts and sighs as quietly as he can. You don't want him to know you notice, but it's the hottest thing you've ever heard, and the fact that he’s trying to be quiet only makes it hotter. The squish of his skin and his stifled sounds of pleasure have you starving for his cock.

You wish he’d just fuck you again. You’ve offered. You’ve asked. You’ve borderline begged. You want it that bad. You’re stuck in a tent, horny as hell, with Joel and his hard cock. What’s more, you’re aware of what he can do with it, and every few hours you have to hear him fucking his fist instead of your needy cunt. Your ass is sore, but your pussy wants more. The hornier you get, the more you lose patience. Finally, you’ve had enough and pretend to “wake up.” When you sit up on the cot and face him, he’s cowering on the floor pressing the heel of his palm into his aching member, with his eyes swollen from tears.

“I need something,” you say. “Anything.” You slip your hand under your gown and start touching yourself.

“Can’t give it to ya, sweetheart. It ain’t right,” he says for at least the third time today.

“No, Joel. God, I’m sick of hearing that.” You don’t stop touching yourself. "What ain’t right is you not giving me a choice right now. Gimme the choice you couldn’t give me earlier.”

He doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“Get over here and lie down on the cot,” you tell him, your voice more gentle than the words. “Let me take what I need," you add.

He rubs his temples with the thumb and ring finger of one expansive hand. He shakes his head, then looks at the ceiling of the tent. A few seconds later, he hesitantly stands up with a groan like his whole body hurts. You avert your gaze from the considerable tent in his gown as he makes his way to the cot trying to hide it.

Joel lays down on the cot and says, "You don't have to do this. You really shouldn't." You feel a little bad for him, but you do have to do this. Your body needs it. In your mind, it will benefit you both. "I don't wanna hurt you, sweetheart. Get me started, I dunno if I can stop."

"Relax, Joel." You get on top of him and pull up his gown, your breath hitching at the sight of his commanding cock. You take your own gown off entirely, hoping the sight of your tits helps him get on board with this. You watch his face darken as you position yourself on top of him and both his hands come gently to your breasts.

"Fuck," he breathes as he palms your nipples with his tired eyes nearly closed. You notch the angry tip of his cock at your weeping cunt and he shudders "Ohh, God," pinching his eyes shut. His hands slide down to your hips then he opens his eyes again. As you begin to sink onto him, he pulls you down hard and lifts his hips, sheathing his stiff member in your warmth. He grunts and you sigh as you're impaled on his rock-hard length.

"Fuck, you feel good," he winces.

You lean forward and tilt yourself to press your most sensitive place against his pubic bone, softly cushioned by hair. You begin to move your hips, grinding against him and giving him space to rail in and out of you. His thick cock is hurried along by your ample slick each time he impales you. His eyes water, swollen and sensitive from his earlier tears, and his rough hands grip your ass harder. He kneads your cheeks and you wince in pain each time they spread.

Joel grunts and sighs as he buries his length in you. Your knees squeeze his broad torso as your clit begins to twitch. His face is overtaken by the inner animal again and he begins to rail you mercilessly, pulling you down harder each time he thrusts up into you. You lift up his gown and slide it up his torso, then rest your hands on his pecs for leverage. The sight of his scars and light chest hair make you weak and his firm pecs under your palms make you twitch more. You push your ass down and back as he fucks up into you.

You lower your torso against his, slipping your hands under his arms and resting them on the cot. With the added contact, you’re close to the brink. He plunges his thick cock into you for another minute, your walls gripping him each time he fills you up. You teeter on the edge of your climax, then he grunts loudly and pleasure seizes you, from your clit spreading inward, strangling his cock as you sigh. His nipples harden against your breasts and he shudders then explodes inside you with a long, low sigh.

You stay on his cock and he reaches down to the ground to pick up the blanket. He covers your bodies and you fall asleep with him inside you. Finally you both get some much-needed rest.

-

All Joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose  @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @lokanda @blackvelveteen1339    @manazo @wolvesandvampires  @taeslarityy @str84pedro @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname @weddingfairy  

#joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fic #dark!joel miller #joel miller #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal smut #toxicanonymity ☠️ #sex pollen #tw noncon #joel jacks off #PPCU jacks off #PPCU jacks off ☠️ #someone jacks off

[ssahotchnerr]

ok what about watching a scary movie that doesnt scare YOU but it scares the shit out aaron?😭 or at least creeps him out more than the murders he sees 24/7

keep the light on

AWWWW omg cw; horror movie details, poor aaron baby is uneasy </3

you reached over to switch off the light, but a sudden hand on your waist halts you.

"wait."

your hand stilled, fingers pulling back an inch or two but lingering within the vicinity of the lampshade. the abrupt stop caused your half of the comforter to dip downward off your body, your eyebrows furrowing in question as you peered behind at aaron.

"can you leave it on?"

"yeah," you fully pulled your hand away and turned your body, switching to your other side and supporting your weight on your elbow. this allowed you to have a clearer, better view of him. "is everything alright?"

"fine." aaron shrugged, a rather forced, nonchalant manner to his action, and in his voice. his head eased back against his pillow, searching for that comfortable spot. "just want it on tonight."

"okay." your fingers stroked through his hair, your nails scratching at his scalp gently. aaron leaned into your touch, his facial features relaxing at the contact; the small lines caused by uneasiness beginning to fade away.

the soft gesture also aided to him voicing his thoughts; safe and secure with you. but first, he stared at you, his brown eyes bordered with a hint of surprise.

confusion arose on your face. "what?"

"are you seriously not freaked out?"

"freaked out...?"

"the movie?"

"oh," you pondered, your fingers slowing as you did so. the horror film the two of you had just finished, not even an hour ago, was already long forgotten in your mind. it had been pretty standard - set in a small town, a psychotic killer on the hunt for victims, some paranormal elements to it. "i mean, not really. why, are you?"

you received a soft grunt in response, aaron now being the one to turn on his side, facing away from you.

"no!" you grabbed at his shoulder, eagerly attempting to readjust him but ultimately failing as he was much stronger than you. but after a bit of struggle, he assisted, easily succumbing and rolling back onto his back, his soft eyes gazing up at you. "are you?"

"a bit." he admitted, chuckling softly in embarrassment, despite not having a reason to be - especially not with you.

"aw," you laughed softly, a small, pitiful smile forming on your face. "i'm sorry love."

"it just..." he shivered vaguely in place, and you continued to run your fingers through his hair soothingly. "too realistic, believe me. that one scene, with the," his face scrunched a bit in disgust. "the gore, to put it simply. seen something like that before."

your face, and heart, dropped. "i'm sorry, i would've shut it off if-"

he moved his head, causing your hand to drop so he could kiss your palm. "i know. it's fine - i'm fine - really."

"are you positive?" your hand moved to his cheek, cupping it, the pad of your thumb grazing along the surface of his skin.

"completely." aaron nodded, the ends of his lips twitching into a barely there smile. his hand slid to your hip, giving it a gentle pat. "just keep the light on for me, please."

part of him still didn't sound like himself, nor was his current expression convincing at all, so you quickly decided to offer the usual, always successful reinforcement, "want me to get jack?"

jack had gone to bed hours ago, but it wasn't uncommon, in times of uneasiness, for one of you to retrieve him in the middle of the night to sleep soundly between the two of you. the close proximity, the added company, was the only thing needed, sometimes.

aaron quieted. an answer within itself.

you brushed his cowlicks away from his forehead, a kiss following afterwards. you kicked off the comforter, quickly getting out of bed. "gimme a sec."

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x you #criminal minds drabble #aaron hotchner drabble #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfiction #hotch imagine

[ooffies]

PLEASE. THIRD YEARS WITH A THICC GIRL. MAKE IT SPICY *WINK WINK*

I am insane. I belong in the trenches for this one. Thank you for the request and I hope you enjoy!

°•☆•°°•☆•°°•☆•°°•☆•°°•☆•°°•☆•°

Gimme All Your Love!

❥─➤ Characters: Trey, Cater, Leona, Rook, Vil, Idia, Lilia & Malleus x midsized/thick fem!reader (separate)

❥─➤ warnings: SMUT (18+) READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. masturbation (Cater), creampie, unprotected sex, oral, breeding kink (Malleus and Leona), semi-public sex (Lilia and Trey), being horny lol (Idia and Cater), mirror sex (Rook), teasing, not proof read & kinda cringe ngl (there is a lot so please let me know if I missed anything!)

Trey Clover

Always loved a thick girl. Trey has always known his type and that he prefers them thick. He’s always so gentle and caring when he’s fucking you raw. Loves doing it doggy style so he can see your ass jiggle as he rams his cock into you. If you haven’t guessed Trey loves your ass, he’ll grope it, smack it, leave bruises, bites and red hand marks all over it. But as much he loves teasing you (also being a lowkey sadist tbh) Trey is still very gentle with you when you two are being intimate. His large hands will hold you softly and his lips gently trailing kisses on the most sensitive parts of your body. His hands roaming every inch of your soft body. Trey knows exactly what to do to make you feel good and he knows exactly were and how to touch you. He will always ask if you’re feeling comfortable and if the pace is good. Trey is there to pleasure you and make you feel good (also to stuff you with is cock but he’ll never out right say that). A lot of praise with him too, he can’t name one negative thing about your body, he loves it all. 

You felt so warm around him, your ass giving him the greatest view as he fucked you from behind. He felt a smile tug at his lips as he moved his hands lower on your soft hips. “Are you feeling alright babe?” he asked, adding an almost innocent yet teasing tone to his voice. He laughed a bit when all you could reply with was a moan. He leaned down, without breaking his pace, a placed a quick kiss on the back of your neck. Your breasts were squished against the cold kitchen counter, a sight that Trey really liked to see. It was in the late hours of the night, yours and his midnight baking session had turned from sweet to spicy. Not the he minded though, he’ll take any excuse to fuck you. His tone now soft and sweet like honey he said, “Let me know if I’m being to rough love. You doing so well, I’m almost done” Once again all he heard was you moan but this time it was his name. This inspired to him to go faster, putting in a few rough final thrust before he released in you. He slowly turned you to faced him, placing a sweet kiss to your cheek and lifting you in his arms, “Let me clean you up babe, the tarts can wait”

Cater Diamond

Horny ass number one. Curvy girls make his junk twitch. On his motherfucking knees for you. Let him smother his face in your titties. Daydreams about you and your body 24/7. A single dirty thought about you makes him instantly hard. Probably jerks off to you like 3 times a day. He’s so weak for you it’s kinda pathetic but in the most babygirl way possible. He’s really fucking noisy everytime y’all fuck, moaning and whimpering your name as he holds onto your thighs for dear life. Loves giving you hickeys but if you give them to him, he’ll be a mess in your arms. Even though doesn’t mean he won’t fuck you like his life depends on it. 

He felt his dick harden against his pants. God all you did was sit on his lap and now here is, bricked up and begging for you to fuck him. Well he wasn’t begging out loud, it was more like he was pleading with his eyes. But he knew you couldn’t because Trey has asked you to help him out with the preparations for the next unbirthday party. He watched you leave with Trey, cursing himself for being so easily turned on by you. He grunted as he locked the door to his room and fumbled with his belt buckle at the same time. He wasted no time whipping his dick out and thinking about you. Your thighs, ass, tits, tummy were all so beautiful. The way your tits bounced up and down the last time he fucked you, the way you moan his name, oh god-. Just as he finished he heard the sound of the door creak open. Apparently his mutli tasking didn’t work. There you stood, staring at him with your eyebrow cocked up, this wasn’t the first time this has happened. “Hey baby….” He said with an awkward smile, not even removing his hands from his dick, “Um.. would you mind helping me out..?” You sighed, letting out a little laugh while giving him a small head shake in a playful disappointed manner. You made sure to lock the door properly this time before making your way over to him. He smiled, he knew you couldn’t say no to him.

Leona Kingscholar

Who doesn’t love a thick woman? Your soft, comfortable and your hips serve as the perfect handles when he pounds you. Loves, loves, loves leaving bite marks all over your body. Your boobs, tummy, thighs and neck will be covered in hickeys when he’s done with you. Also don’t forget the scratch marks, your back, hips and thighs will be covered in them. Leona has the most energy you’ve ever seen him have when he fucks you. He goes wild when fucking you and doesn’t hold back at all. Good luck walking the next day. But….that doesn’t mean he won’t be a total needy, whiney bottom if he feels like it. If he isn’t coming on you, he is coming on you. Especially your thighs and tummy. Borderline breeding kink but not as bad as Malleus. Once he’s done with you he will immediately fall asleep, using you as a pillow and taking extreme comfort in your softness.

Your hips snapped against his violently, one of his palms digging deep into your plush hips as the other covered the whimpers coming out of his mouth. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he tried to stifle his moans more, looking at you smirking above him. He has been at the top just a few moments and now he’s a whiney mess under you. Only you can do that to him. His hair was a mess, he had drool coming from the corner of his mouth and god did he feel pathetic. But he absolutely loved it. His second flew to cover his mouth as you started picking up the pace. The tears started to stream down his face. You made him feel so good. He finally cummed, feeling all the energy he had before drained from his body. He felt himself going limp as you leaned down and placed a kiss on his forehead before positioning yourself next to him, guiding his head to rest against your chest. He fell asleep almost instantly in your soft embrace, muttering something about how you better not tease him tomorrow about being so whiny. But deep down both of you knew that you would.

Rook Hunt

Always loved a thick girl number two. Just like Trey Rook always had known what type of woman he preferred. He will muse about your body every time he fucks you, praising your softness and beauty. But he will fuck you so carnally you’ll start seeing stars. Let him make you feel good, please. He’ll do anything to hear you moan his name. He is insane (just like me fr). He may have you seeing stars but the only thing he’s seeing is your beautiful body. A big fan of mirror sex because he loves making sure you see every part of your body as he slowly runs his slender fingers along your skin, he just wants you to know how lovely you are. Not to repeat myself but nothing but praise leaves this man's mouth when y’all are fucking. Even if he is pounding into you he won’t stop talking about how every curve, stretch mark and dip of your body is pure perfection.  

Your reflection in the mirror seemed like a painting come to life. Rook hummed against your neck, his chin leaning on your shoulder as his fingers danced around your pussy, occasionally pinching your exposed clit. He once again looked in the mirror, admiring your naked form that he handled with such care. You were sitting on his lap, your legs opened wide and your thighs spread apart, exposing your sex to him and one of his arms hooked under your soft breasts. One of his slender hands began to toy with your nipple as the other continued to play with your pussy, now two of his fingers now rubbing up and down your slit. His eyes turned back to the mirror, watching your face make subtle changes every time he touched you in the right spot. “Ahhh comme c'est beau!” he mused. His fingers lifting from your breast to your chin, making you look at your reflection. “Oh mon dieu, just look at how gorgeous you are! All exposed and pretty for moi” he hummed. He was having such a good time. With every labored breath and soft moan you let out he could feel his dick growing even tighter against his pants. He let out another amused hum as his fingers dipped into you, feeling you clench around them. One of your hands dipped down to rub circles on your clit as the other stay draped over his neck. He turned your face towards him, connecting his lips to yours. Before slipping his tongue in he muttered “Personne ne me fait ressentir la façon dont tu fais, mon amour” (Nobody makes me feel the way you do, my love)

Vil Schoenheit

Didn’t know what he was missing out on. Vil had always been with thinner people, models, other actors, etc. He always thought that was just his type and preference until he met you. You two were just formal acquaintances at first. He didn’t see you much as a romantic interest but one night at a party one thing led to another. Little did Vil know how much he was missing out on until his head got crushed between your thighs while he was eating you out and his dick was straining so hard against his pants it hurt. A switch must have flicked in his brain cause oh lord, he can’t stop thinking about you and your body. He doesn’t care if makeup gets smeared or his hair gets messed up, all he wants is for his head to be crushed by your thighs. A big fan of leaving little love bites and lipstick stains all over you. Especially your titties and thighs. He leaves bruises from how hard he grips onto your soft hips as he fucks you. You revealed a part of him he didn’t even know about, dude becomes a whole ass different person, he will fuck the daylights outta you in the most elegant way possible. He is so whipped for you it's not even funny. Of course, he always makes sure to praise your beauty before, during and after sex. You truly make him feel something he hasn’t felt before and he can’t get enough of it.   

God he was a mess. Him, Vil Schoenheit, an absolute mess. He could feel the lipstick smudge at the corner of his mouth to his cheek. His once knelt braided hair is now coming loose and his bangs sticked to his sweaty forehead. A thin string of saliva connected his mouth to your now puffy clit. He had stopped to take a breath, his breath was heavy and his heart was pounding in his chest. But none of that was what he was focusing on. He was focused on your plushy thighs that were tight around his skull and how hard they were making his dick strain against his pants. God he’s never felt this dirty or turned on before, none of his previous partners have ever made him aroused before. 

“Vil… Are you alright?” His grip tightened on your thighs, feeling almost vice, like he was hanging on for dear life and never intended to let go. A new wave of lust overcame him from hearing your words. God he felt so good right now. Pressing a quick kiss to your clit he said “I’m doing just great darling” Lust dripped from his tone as he recalled your breathy moans and whimpers from just a few moments ago. He didn’t care that he was a horny mess, all he wanted was you.

Idia Shroud

Horny ass number two. He’s fucking nuts for you, and practically drools every time he sees you naked. Likes it when you sit on his lap so his greedy hands can touch and squeeze every part of your body. Cockwarm him while you sit on his lap and watch him become a horny and greedy mess under you. Smother him with your thighs, squash him, crack his fucking skull open and don’t let his ass get a single fucking breath in. Although he is kinda pathetic just like Cater, he can top you when needed. Sometimes, you even forget how tall and big this dude actually is until he has you moaning his name and begging for more. Going off of that, Idia loves it when you're vocal and when you become the moaning, whimpering mess under him. Another big fan of leaving love bites all over your body, especially since his teeth are already naturally sharp. Your tummy, thighs, ass, titties, basically every part of your gorgeous body will be covered in bruises and bite marks when he’s done with you. 

His hands roamed your ass as his face was buried in your titties. You were sitting on his lap, his cock stuffed in you. His breath felt heavy and he felt super light-headed. Did he just unlock the secret ending, was this the special cgi like in all those otome games he’s played!? He shyly peeked up at you from your breasts. Your face looked gorgeous in the blue lighting of his room, your lips a bit puffy from him biting them earlier, the strands of hair stuck to your face and the dazed look in your eyes made his dick twitch. He brought his lips up to your neck and bit down, adding another bite mark to the cluster of them that he made previously. His dick twitched again when you let a breathy moan as he bit down. His hands grabbed your thighs even tighter as his own breath hitched. He couldn’t hold back anymore, if he worked so hard to unlock this special ending he was damn well gonna as much as possible to make you feel good. His hips began thrusting as you pulled him closer, your bare skin on his. He watched as your boobs bounced up and down with every thrust, his bite marks now on full display. He began to grunt as he slowly felt the knot in his stomach tightening. With a breathy moan all he could manage to say was, “I…I love you.” 

Lilia Van Rogue

Thick girl enjoyer since day one. He’s a fucking tease but he is here to give you the best fucking sex of your life. His hands will be constantly roaming over your curves as fingers or fucks you. He’ll be leaving bite marks all over your thighs as he toys with your clit, watching you unravel in front of him. He loves overstimming you, hearing you moan and whine brings him joy (and makes him hard lol). He loves how your eyes roll back and your body twitches as he pushes you past the brink. His favorite to mark by far though is your tummy, it was honestly his favorite body part of yours. Lots and lots of verbal teasing, he calls you greedy and needy and acts oblivious to what you want. He’s also a fan of praise and degradation (depending on your preferences of course) Sit on his face, please. He may be small but he’s strong, also he cannot complain about being crushed by your thighs and pussy. But he loves teasing you in public more than he does in bed. He gets a kick out of your flushed face and how you press your thighs together as if you’re trying to make sure he doesn’t get in. It never works though. But he’ll only ever do things semi-publicly. He likes the possible risk of getting caught, it makes things fun. But don’t worry, you two have never and will never get caught. Probably.

His hand dipped under the waistline of your skirt, his fingers playing with the hem of your pantyline. His free hand was resting on your stomach and he began to plant kisses on your neck. Oh you were so cute when you were nervous and flustered! He had brought you the music club room, he had been teasing you all day and was finally showing you that he wasn’t all talk. It was late of course so it would be highly unlikely that you two would get caught, but he could definitely still see that you were nervous about it which made him feel even more lustful. His fingers finally found their way to right above your clothed clit, his subtle motions had already started to make you wet. He chuckled lightly as his fingers slowly started to move in circles, occasionally pinching your clit so that he could get a gasp or a hitched breath out of you. His kisses slowly start to turn into bites as he sits you down onto a nearby desk, moving himself on in front of you. He hastily begins to unbutton your shirt, unclasping your bra in one swift motion with a singular hand. He lifts up his head and smirks at the sight of your now bare chest and tummy, his finger traces along one of your stretch marks and he moves his fingers faster against your clit. He started to place a chaste kiss on each of your stretch marks, slowly making his way down from the ones on your titties to the ones on your tummy. He stops right at your waistline, looking up at you with mischievous glint in his eyes as he removes his fingers from your clit just as you were about to cum. He loved that glare you shot whenever he denied you. He chuckled again, raising back up to be eye level with you, “Being greedy now aren’t we hm? Oh darling you are always so needy when it comes to me~” he teased placing his finger back on your clit, “If we go fast then it’ll be no fun~”   

Malleus Draconia

He's a cream king (sorry not sorry). Malleus, oh Malleus. He is so feral for you. His whole life has been set up with people by suggestion of his grandmother or other nobles of Briar Valley. He has only been with those types of people, never having much intimacy and never being able to be romantic. Until he met you. The moment he laid eyes on you he felt an unknown desire well up within him. You make him feel ways he’s never experienced before (aka you make him hard). Whenever y’all are fucking he lets pure desire take over. Will you be able to walk in the morning after he's done with you? Nope. But of course he is a gentleman and will take care of you. Malleus loves your body, he wants to feel and mark every inch of it. Expect a lot of cum with this guy. A lot on you and a pretty decent amount on you. Yes, he's a bit aggressive while he pounds into you but he just really, really, really likes stuffing you full of his cum. Surprisingly, he is much more of a kisser than a biter. His mouth is always connected to yours or a part of your body (your titties)  while gripping your plush hips, leaving them a bit bruised. But when his mouth isn’t on you he is praising your body. Indulging in your plushness, curves, and especially your soft tummy. He loves your tummy. He doesn’t care if it has stretch marks or cellulite, he will be praising your beauty as creams inside you, talking about how he’ll impregnate you and make you his and only his forever.

His nose felt hot in the crook of your neck, his tongue danced on your skin as his lips connected with it. His waist caught between your thick thighs as his hands gripped your soft hips with such force that they would surely leave nail marks later. He thrust into you, making sure that each thrust was strong and quicker than the last. Is this the fourth time he came? The fifth? He didn’t care to keep an exact count, all that mattered was that he was cumming in you. Your moans and mewls only made him more determined to fuck you like there was no tomorrow. He groaned loudly as he released you, his head slowly lifting from your neck, his eyes now level with yours. He took in your gorgeous face, beads of sweat caused your soft hair to stick to it, your eyes pricked with tears and your cheeks were still stained with tears from before. Oh you were so beautiful to him, no one could ever match you in his eyes. He smiled and slowly lowered his lips to yours, placing a soft kiss on them before slowly leaning back so that he was looking down on you even more than before. He placed his large hand on your soft tummy, running his thumb along it while it admired it. Then he began pounding into you again, hands once again on your hips to steady himself, his carnal desire growing even more. “My love, there is no better sight than seeing you full of me.”

© ooffies 

Please do not repost or translate my work without permission and credit. Thank you!

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #twst smut #twst wonderland #twst x reader #twst trey #trey clover #trey clover x reader #twst cater #cater diamond #twst leona #leona kingscholar #leona kingsholar x reader #cater diamond x reader #twst rook #rook hunt #rook hunt x reader #twst vil #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #twst lilia #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #twst malleus #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader

[vroomvroomcircuit]

Drive all Night

(A/N): This is inspired by the song "Call your mom" by Noah Kahan.

Summary: Max is worried about the sudden shift in his best friends behavior. But he is willing to drive all night to get to the root of the problem.

Pairing: Max Verstappen x fem!reader (little childhood friends to lovers on the side with angst/hurt to comfort)

Warnings: Association to Max's shitty childhood, reader has depression/a depressive episode, implicit mentions of suicide, listen to the song and you get the vibe

Wordcount: 2.4k

🏎Masterlist🏎 ________________________

Max Verstappen is not a big worrier. Actually, he is no worrier at all.

When there is something to worry about, he just changes it. If he can’t change it, it’s out of his area of responsibility, so he doesn’t have to worry about it.

Thinking like that helped him focus through great challenges. But his mindset wasn’t the only motivator. Through all his highest highs and lowest lows, his best friend has been right next to him, either cheering him on or being the shoulder to cry on he just needed.

(Y/N) and him befriended each other in kindergarten, having felt this unexplainable pull to each other. Ever since playing with Legos together for the first time they had been inseparable if they could help it.

Of course, as they got older and Max’s career in karting took off and (Y/N) had to focus more on school, they started to shift to calling and texting more than relying on in person talking. But that didn’t stop them staying best friends. One might even argue that through their 24/7 updates to each other, they grew even closer.

Meeting in person in their adulthood had become increasingly easier. Sometime (Y/N) travels with Max to several races back to back, being blessed with a remote working job.

The young man starts to suspect something isn’t going smoothly during one of their daily face time calls with her being in her dark bedroom and him in a hotel room halfway across the world. “But enough of how annoying these marketing things are. What did you do today? Except for work of course.” Max just finished another yapping season about the last challenge the social media teams had him participate in.

(Y/N) just shrugs her shoulders while focusing on a loose thread in her shirt. “Nothing much. I reread pride and prejudice.” Max halts a bit in his rummaging through his suitcase, being on the look out for his charger. “I thought you had plans for lunch with a friend? And didn’t you read through that book last week already? You do know that no matter how often you read it, the ending will stay the same.” He jokes a bit.

While still not shifting her gaze towards the phone screen, (Y/N) answers in mumbles. “I canceled on her. I really felt icky today, but we will try to set up another meet up some time next week or so.”

At first Max doesn’t think of it as much. Everyone feels not like socializing every one in a while. But then something else changes. The frequency of their calls and texts.

“...here we can do- Max? Are you even listening to me?” Max gets caught off guard by that question. GP was going over some points with him before starting FP2. “Oh, uhm, sorry GP. Gimme three seconds, I just want to reply to (Y/N). It seems like she didn’t have a great day and I just want to make sure she’ll be alright until I’m out of the car.”

This makes his race engineer raise his eyebrows. “Oh, what happened?” “I don’t know. But she is rewatching one of her comfort shows for the third time in two weeks.” He blinks at the Dutchman. “And in what way is that concerning?”

Okay, voicing his worrisome thoughts out loud like that makes Max realize that the signs are not too obvious for outsiders. But he is talking about his best friend. The person that always makes sure that he won’t go without his needed amount of sleep. The same person he had been having phone calls that resulted in four out of the last seven nights with him getting not more than 5 hours of sleep, if that at all.

For an outsider it doesn’t seem bad for (Y/N) to reread the same books and rewatch the same shows over and over again. Or having her best friend, the person she became emotionally most dependent on, talk with her through her nights.

But for Max, it raises red flags. It hits his alarm bells, ringing out loud that something is majorly wrong. He can’t put his finger on it, not just yet. He is still looking for a way to get her to tell him what is bothering her.

There is a certain uneasiness to Max during that entire race weekend. He is just itching to seat his ass on a plane on his way back to his (Y/N), a friend that he might harbor more than just platonic feelings for. A person that had his back all the time.

To the person he loves the most, that is also struggling the most right now.

He wants to be able to pay her back for all the times she stuck through his darkest times.

But something in him is scared that he isn’t able to get to her in time. “Didn’t you want to go out with a colleague of yours for drinks last night?” Max asks into the phone while speed walking through the airport. Ever since leaving his hotel room on this fine Monday morning, he has been on a phone call with (Y/N).

A sigh greets his ears. “I wanted to, but I didn’t feel like dressing up or sharing a space with a bunch of strangers. I just ordered some food in and watched your race.”

There is another red flag. (Y/N) maybe was never a big socializer to begin with, but she liked going out every now and then. But for a couple of weeks now the only thing Max gets to hear about plans is that she canceled them.

Listening to her just cutting contact with the outside world like that, it doesn’t only worry him. It’s not even scary. It terrifies him.

The two of them continue talking the whole plane ride until (Y/N) falls asleep. Even then Max doesn’t hang up. He still lets the call continue, not wanting her to wake up and feel alone. She doesn’t deserve to feel alone.

No one does. But especially not her.

When he was in karting, some kids gave him grief for winning most of the time. It was difficult for little Max to understand. So do people not want him to win?

It became more confusing to him since some people around him wanted him to win desperately. It hurt him, not understanding the difference of who wanted his best and who wanted to see him fail.

He felt isolated from his peers, especially those who should understand under what pressure he was, because they must feel the same. Right?

During these days, where he rather stopped driving in circles in a very fast manner and just continued playing football, (Y/N) was his only footing. She talked him out of ending his career in motorsport. She painted a picture of his future in the prettiest colors with her words. She gave him something to look forward during these trying times.

And when it got harder before it got easier, she held his hand and reminded him that she will always stay by his side.

Now it’s Max’s turn to show her that he will always stay by her side.

He opens the door to her apartment slowly, trying to make the least noise possible.

Every room is shrouded in what must feel to her like a never ending darkness. The blinds are drawn in front of every window, hindering the tiniest bit of sunlight to filter through. Even to Max it feels like the despair that is in the air will never stop. It is all consuming.

He tiptoes towards her bedroom. There she lays, illuminated by the low light of his phone screen. Curled up tight under a bunch of blankets and between a mountain of pillows and stuffed animals.

The MV lion, the first one that has ever been produced, the original prototype before giving the go for mass production, is held tightly and close to her chest. It pulls on his heartstrings, seeing the comfort it must have brought her while he was absent.

Max kneels down at the head of the bed, gently shaking her awake. “Schatje, come on. Wake up. We got a day of new adventures just in front of us outside the door.”

It’s something they started to say in elementary school. They once read a book in class with the premise that every day is the start to a new adventure. You just have to welcome it in. Back then, when inviting something unknown in your life was considered exciting, not scary or life changing.

“The adventures can wait a day longer.” She mumbles and turns around, trying to shake his hand on her shoulder off. But Max is having none of it.

“The darkness is fooling you. Every light that has been turned off can be turned on.” He gets up and opens the blinds. Sunlight floods the room, and even at the messiest state the young man has seen his best friend, she still is the most beautiful woman on earth to him

(Y/N) lets out a noise of unpleasantness. “Please Max, I can’t deal with it today.”  “No, you will. We are going to deal with it, whatever this it is, together.” He marches over to her dresser and produces a clean set of clothes out of thin air. That is what it looks like to her in this mess at least.

“You are going to shower. After that we will take a drive with no destination.” His words are final and in a tone that makes the young woman drag her limbs and body out of the bed and trudge towards the bathroom, even when the unwillingness is evident by her groaning.

Hearing the shower is Max’s cue to sit down and take a deep breath. He doesn’t know what he expected, but seeing the light of life missing in (Y/N)’s eyes isn’t on that list. It feels like a punch to his gut, witnessing her wither away without knowing from what.

It doesn’t take long and they both sit in the car. A drive without destination is exactly what it says. Just Max driving with (Y/N) sitting in the passenger seat. Usually they used these trips to catch up, to talk about everything and nothing. To voice big philosophical thoughts and dumb brain farts. They started this tradition, that usually includes some sort of fast food, when Max got his drivers license.

But sitting in complete silence for five minutes straight. That is something new.

“You know,” Max breaks it after another seven minutes. “Not talking about it won’t make the problem go away. It also doesn’t hinder it in its existence. Instead it will just get heavier and heavier until you break under the weight.” His dry tone isn’t something she anticipated.

(Y/N) looks out the window, seeing the colorful sunset for the first time in weeks. It’s easy to forget the beauty of the world when your inside thoughts feel like a graveyard. “I don’t want to worry you.”

That admission nearly has the Dutchman emergency breaking in the middle of a street through the fields. “So you play cat and mouse with your feelings because you don’t want to worry me?” (Y/N) nods.

Max lets out a laugh. “So what exactly makes you think that me witnessing you just becoming a shell of who you once were won’t worry me?”

She shrugs. (Y/N) didn’t expect him to catch that something feels wrong in her.

“Schatje. I will always worry about you, You are too important to me to not worry about you. Seeing you wither away in yourself, it made me scared going out on these tracks, sitting down in the car, and wondering if you still breathe while I’m driving another mile. Not knowing what you feel, that worries me more than the truth. Because then we can work on getting you better together. But when you don’t let me in, I can’t help and feel like by just standing and witnessing without intervening that I’m at fault for anything that happens to you. It hurts more seeing you hurting than knowing what you hurt from.”

She turns towards Max, mustering his side profile. She hasn’t thought about how her actions are perceived by her surroundings. (Y/N) just fell into that hole of darkness unexpectedly. While sitting at the bottom of that somber pit, she thought that trying to reach out for help would mean another person gets pulled into it.

If there was one person she doesn’t want sitting next to her in that dark hole, then it is Max. She harbors too much love and affection for him to want him to suffer the same fate as her. So not talking about her darkest thoughts seemed like the best way of keeping him far away from the hole.

But it just drew him in closer.

(Y/N) finally sees what he saw the whole time.

“You know, it’s hard to explain what happened. It takes time to really understand what goes on in me right now.” Max puts a reassuring hand on her leg. “We have all night to talk about it. Help me help you. Let us find a strategy to get you better. May it be medication, meditation, punching me or falling in love with someone. I need you to find a reason to stay with me, physically and mentally.”

She puts a hand over hers and looks Max in the eye for the first time since he arrived. “I already fell in love.”

He doesn’t need to hear more.

Max keeps his promise. He drives through the night, holding (Y/N) to the best of his ability while she cries, curses and explains.

By that not everything is picture perfect again. But it’s the first step. The first one to a future they both want to share with each other. For now and ever, that is enough motivation for (Y/N) to keep going, to continue turning every light on that was off.

#max verstappen image #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen #max verstappen x fem!reader #x reader #x fem!reader #x you #reader insert

[hopleii]

what type of boyfriends I think they'd be (sugawara, tsukishima, kageyama)

content: fluff, lowkey kageyama being shy, she/her pronouns for reader, a bit of swearing, i think that's it

summary: what type of boyfriend I think they'd be ! sorry if it seems a lil ooc im sorryyyy

TSUKISHIMA KEI

PIECE OF SHI--

would literally mess with you and acts like the two of you don't know each other

"have we met?"

the two of you were just flirting 10 minutes ago wth

is actually pretty sweet when its just you two and looks out for you 24/7 TEEHEEEUHEFWOJD

"be careful. your shoelaces are untied" */ties them anyway before u even bend down

HE SECRETLY LOVES IT WHEN YOU STEAL HIS GLASSES FROM HIS FACE AND WEAR IT

even if his vision is all blurry and he can't see you properly

but its okay because he's sure you look cute wearing it anyway

now give it back. >:(

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

honestly never expected to have an s/o like you

you lowkey thought he hated you when you first met because he was so quiet around you and you did most of the talking

AND HE NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT YOU LIKE ??? HUH

but under all that hard exterior he's honestly so sweet!

after a few months of dating you learn that he's grown comfortable with you and loves being with you <33

he wants to be with you all the time

regardless if you know anything about sports or not, you're going to his matches, practice matches, ALL OF IT

HE'D BE SO HAPPY SEEING YOU PLEASE KEEP SUPPORTING HIM

denies it but he obvi loves it

WOULD BE SO FLUSTERED IF YOU CHEER FOR HIM ON THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS

"You're embarrassing me!!"

"keep doing it."

SUGAWARA KOUSHI

THIS MAN.

so sweet UGH maybe you should go to a doctor and check if ure diabetic because he's just so IJSUHWDYGEWHU

the sweetest person in the whole world omg :(( he's so warm

his words and actions are so sweet its like a big hug

"You've been studying for 3 hours now, you should take a break love. I bought you a few snacks you liked in case you got hungry. Eat."

KWAJSHWDUEDUWEHUW ILOVEYOU ??

he teases you a bit though but he knows when you actually get upset

he would always praise you tho if you get too worked up

he just thinks you look so cute when you're all frustrated and speechless

he loves it when u kiss him on the forehead

"Gimme a kiss." mwa! "Another one" mmwaa!

sulks when you don't give him another one

take care of this man plz

© — hopleii

#haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x reader #sugawara koushi #haikyuu sugawara #sugawara x reader #kageyama tobio #kageyama x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu kageyama #haikyuu tsukishima #haikyuu karasuno #works—💌

[comatosebunny09]

gimme sum | leon k.

summary: he wants nothing more than to fall into the crisp embrace of his bedsheets. but he finds the sight of you rifling through the fridge like a guilty toddler much more appealing.

genres: fluff, romance

cw: language, suggestive themes, female reader, reader is implied to be black, foodplay (?), leon is a softie, stream of consciousness

music inspo: angostura - keshi

Leon S. Kennedy, but tired as all hell after battling the undead and enduring an 18-hour flight back to the States.

He wants nothing more than to fall into the crisp embrace of his bedsheets with your body warm and supple, nestled against him. But he finds the sight of you rifling through the fridge like a guilty toddler more appealing. Besides, he hasn’t consumed anything filling in the last 24 hours. Survived off airplane nuts, Merlot, and enough pain meds to sedate a horse. So, of course, he opts to combine his two favorite things in the wee hours of the morning: you and food.

Two birds, one stone.

And, of course, you would be so adorable. Clad in your lacy bra and matching panties, hair down, whipped cream oozing into the valley of your breasts. The fluorescent glow of the open fridge silhouettes you. Makes you look angelic. And that pretty little cinnamon smile, coupled with a husky giggle whilst you inch closer, makes Leon’s chest swell with desire and fondness.

Your knees bump against his naked inner thighs, and your warm tits kiss the hard press of his chest for you to feed him a strawberry dipped in whipped cream. He can’t help a ghostly smile, perching his hands upon your hips to keep you steady. All-too-happy to take a bite, juice dribbling down his chin. And, of course, you chase it with your sweltering, slippery tongue, making his dick twitch instinctively beneath his briefs.

You devious little minx, you.

Leon’s exhausted, sure. But you’re beautiful. And it isn’t often he gets to have you like this. Alone, beneath the veil of night, unguarded, smelling of vanilla and ruby red apples, soft and lithe, and fuck—

You climb onto his lap with your bottom lip tucked between teeth, eyes alight with predatory mirth. Swoop in for the kill, stealing the taste of strawberries from his lips, pouring the hoarsest moan into his mouth. On instinct, a battle-worn hand finds the swell of your ass. The other curves around the base of your neck to hold you in place, gently combing through your delicate baby hair. And he ravages your mouth amid giggles and chuckles and moans, grateful he allowed you to talk him into a midnight snack.

Yeah, he’s bone-tired. But he can’t think of a better way to be welcomed home.

#leon x reader #leon kennedy x y/n #leon s kennedy x reader #leon x black reader #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x black reader #re4 x reader #resident evil 4 x reader #leon drabble #leon kennedy drabble

[dmercer91]

ebug's sister, dm91

i have such bad vocal fry from the game i was at last night and halls do NOT help the pain. this is a short one

last season! (2022-23) part one / part two / part three / part four / part five / part six / part seven / part eight / part nine / part ten / part eleven / part twelve

(2023-24)! part one / part two / part three

blakefriarr_

liked by dawson1417, drayanewman and 7,999 others

blakefriarr_: short rundown today

slut, slut, slut, whore, four sluts, slut with proud sluncle (x2)

live reaction of slutty activities

don't think i forgot about you, worlds sluttiest captain!! your photo is included in spirit

also the angle???? of the sinbin cam??? 🤭

view 811 comments..

jj.friar31: why did this take you so long to post

→ blakefriarr_: i was busy

→ jj.friar31: doing what??

→ blakefriarr_: dawson

→ jj.friar31: FOR 24 HOURS?????

lhughes_06: who's text ss is that blake

→ blakefriarr_: ohh i think you know

→ lhughes_06: oh god

→ blakefriarr_: wanna know when?

→ drayanewman: blake no

→ blakefriarr: this is fucking payback for exposing my squeal

→ blakefriarr_: you asked permission before kissing her for the first time

→ tannercharlotte: AWW?? LUKEY

→ blakefriarr_: RIGHT????

curtislazar95: sluncle?? slut uncle??

→ blakefriarr_: fuckin right

→ curtislazar95: i'm so glad you chose dawson imagine if all this comedic potential was wasted on a hughes

→ blakefriarr_: hA

nicohischier: i can really never escape can i

→ blakefriarr_: would you even try to atp

→ nicohischier: no but that's not the point shut up

dawson1417: i think i'm slutty or something

→ blakefriarr_: first slut of the night!!

jackhughes: i feel like i need to remind you your account is public but then i remember that this is how you weaselled your way into mercer's pants

→ blakefriarr_: no this is how i weaselled my way into his HEART, it would've been considerably easier to get him to take his pants off he thinks i'm hot or whatever i needed to be weird first

→ dawson1417: both were very easy i was just afraid of rejection

→ blakefriarr_: i was very heavily flirting with you consistently

→ dawson1417: yeah, and?

adamfantilli: my poor young eyes

→ blakefriarr_: why are your infant eyes poor

→ adamfantilli: caption, last two slides, caption again

→ blakefriarr_: little bitch

→ adamfantilli: OUCH??

→ blakefriarr_: love you, rookie :))

→ adamfantilli: :( love you, coach

_quinnhughes: dear lord

→ blakefriarr_: yes my child?

→ _quinnhughes: sometimes the lord isn't an all powerful being it's a college student with her autocaps off

→ blakefriarr_: capital letters freak me out quintin it doesn't mean i can't be jesus

seamuscasey26: settle down it'll all be clear

→ blakefriarr_: don't pay no mind to the demons

→ luca.fantilli: they fill you with fear

→ seamuscasey26: literally go away

→ luca.fantilli: feeling the love guys

→ blakefriarr_: what love

jlochlyn: i also got into a fight tonight and i actually won mine gimme slut status

→ blakefriarr_: you're too hot for slut status baby i'll give you somethin better

→ jlochlyn: patch me up?

→ blakefriarr_: omw

→ dawson1417: @/tannercharlotte i hate you for making this a thing

read more comments..

#ebug’s sister series ! #dawson mercer #dawson mercer x reader #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #new jersey devils

[starfxkr]

Just clinging to Rafe’s bicep🙁 I need this man religiously

you would have to be surgically removed from rafe's arm, literally always having one hand wrapped around it because you don't wanna lose him and get lost.

every now and then he get's annoyed, and he's really trying to reign it in so he'll press his card in your hand and say "why don't you go get something nice huh? just gimme an hour."

you don't really like that because what do you mean you can't be attached to him 24/7? "but i wanna be with you!" eyes watering and everything so he's gotta calm you down before you have the mother of all meltdowns.

"don't start that cryin shit okay, it's only an hour and i got some business to take care of that's not safe for bunny ears so just go have fun."

#✨.txt #rafe cameron prompt

[the-iceni-bitch]

Through Every Forest

Chapter II/V: Behave

Pairing: dark!Alpha Curtis Everett x fem!Omega reader

Words: ~4.8k

Summary: Curtis helps you get adjusted to your new life.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (mentions of oral sex, rough sex, rough fingering, penetration with a foreign object, degradation, humiliation, kind of objectification, pussy spanking, pet play adjacent if you squint really hard, manhandling, slapping, chase kink, non-con, dub-con), mentions of drugs, threats of forced feeding, A/B/O dynamics, violence, kidnapping, THIS IS A DARK SERIES!!! SMUT!! 18+ ONLY

A/N: Curtis is such a bastard in this, you guys!! We find out more about him and our feisty Omega this chapter, and maybe get some hints about the possibility of her breaking for Curtis…

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

“How the fuck could you not know?” Curtis was snarling at Bryce while they sped through the forest on the ATVs, shouting at him over the roar of the engines as they grew closer to where the floodlights were illuminating the singular tree.

“The dumbass who sold her didn’t mention anything about it.” Bryce’s jaw was clenched as he tolerated the abuse that Curtis was flinging at him, hating being the focus of the other man’s ire. “And she bent to commands all day.”

“So she’s fucking smarter than all of you.” This was ridiculous, goddamn morons who worked for him outsmarted by an Omega in less than 24 hours. “Do you know how much money tonight is gonna cost me? Roberts’ company has been bringing in over 2 million a year for us for their retreats and because of your fuck up he almost died. I’m gonna have to let that meathead fuck me so he doesn’t pull his business and report us like he’s threatening to. Or maybe I’ll just let him fuck you, idiot.”

You didn’t know how long you’d been clinging to the tree, but it must have been hours, the lights that they’d set up showing the ridiculous number of Alphas that were milling around the trunk. Almost every single new one that showed up had tried to command you down, to no avail, and they seemed to get angrier each time it didn’t work. Maybe you should’ve come down, it’s not like there was any way you would be able to make a run for it now, but you also had no idea what was waiting for you once your feet touched the earth, since they all seemed so furious. So waiting until you were able to get some assurances about your safety seemed like a good bet.

Something smacked into the bark near your face and you yelped, cursing when you saw it was some sort of dart before keening and screwing your eyes closed when another one whizzed past your head.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” That voice was new, deeper than anything you’d ever heard and making you shiver when you pried your eyes open. “You gonna catch her if she falls or you just trying to kill one of my investments? Gimme that!”

You spotted the Alpha that had greeted you when you woke up first, but then your eyes were drawn to the largest Alpha you’d seen in your life. He was screaming obscenities at the Alphas who had been staring at you for hours, making them all look thoroughly cowed before he finally turned his attention to you. So, this was definitely the man in charge.

“Hi there, sweetheart.” You could tell he was trying to make his voice a soothing rumble, but you just rolled your eyes at him. “You’ve been up there for quite a while, planning on coming down anytime soon?”

“Don’t see why I would.” You adjusted your position and stretched your ankle as best you could when it started to ache again, staring down at him and squinting as you tried to get a read on his facial expression. “Your boys aren’t too happy with me, I don’t exactly trust them to not take out their anger.”

“Yeah, well they get all put out when they’re surprised, and you’re very surprising.” It seemed like he might have been smiling, but you were too far up to tell. “I’m guessing if I commanded you down it wouldn’t work?”

“You’re welcome to try.” You could finally feel your adrenaline starting to go down and exhaustion setting in.

“Alright. Come down now, Omega.” Fuck, you must have been more tired than you thought, something in your hindbrain tugging at you just a bit until you got yourself back under control, growling when you heard his rich laugh drift up through the trees. “Goddamn, aren’t you interesting. I do need you to come down, though.”

“Why should I?” You didn’t like the fact that you couldn’t get a better read on this dude.

“Huh, Baizen! Bring me a fucking chainsaw!” Shit, this asshole wasn’t playing, you may have overplayed your hand. “This is fun and all, sweetheart, but I have other shit I need to do. You come down on your own before that chainsaw gets here, it’ll be a little easier for you. But I have no problem bringing down this tree with you in it. Probably make you easier to catch during the next hunt if you have a broken leg.”

When he slammed his fist into the tree the whole thing shook, your breath catching while you gripped the branch you were settled on and cursed to yourself. It only took you a second to make your decision, huffing out a frustrated breath before starting to make your way towards the ground. You were just going to have to start biding your time again.

Your tongue felt too thick for your mouth when your feet were on solid earth again and you could finally take in the Alpha who was in charge. He was even bigger up close, towering over you once he stood in front of you with his arms crossed over his broad chest as he gave you a curious look. There was no way you’d be able to overpower him even if you caught him off guard, you didn’t even think you could reach his head.

“That’s a good girl, you’re driving back with me.” Curtis ignored your frown and grabbed your arm, pulling you towards his ATV and gripping your chin so he could look you in the eyes before sitting you in front of him. “Are you going to behave?”

“Yes.” Your scowl grew deeper when he just chuckled at the petulance in your voice, letting him cage you in with his enormous body before he started to pull out. “I don’t suppose you’ll tell me what’s going on.”

“Have you not figured it out? I thought you were a clever thing.” Curtis couldn’t keep himself from inhaling your scent in when the wind blew it back into his face, juniper berries and eucalyptus and freshly fallen snow, it was the most refreshing scent he’d ever breathed from an Omega. “You know it’s a hunt, I’m not gonna tell you where you are, so don’t bother asking.”

“Fine.” You huddled in on yourself to keep from leaning back against his chest, wishing he could see the displeasure on your face.

You didn’t know how you should feel that he wasn’t bothering to hide the way back to the compound from you, trying not to balk when he parked the ATV and started dragging you inside. It was so much bigger than you thought it was going to be, making you very worried about the size of this operation and your ability to escape. Plus, there was the way this man was currently almost pulling you off your feet seemingly without even realizing it.

“Why don’t you just let me go?” You winced when he just snorted at you, trying to wriggle out of his grip when he reached the door that must be to your room and started punching in the code. “I won’t tell, no one would believe me, anyway. I’m not gonna make you any money, who would want an Omega won’t do what they say?”

“Oh sweetheart, that would be a horrible business decision.” He got the door open and shoved you onto the bed, coming to stand in front of you and making the room seem even smaller once he shut the door behind him. “You are underestimating the value people, especially rich bastards, place on rarity. And you are incredibly rare. Both your parents were Alphas, right?”

“Yes.” Shit, this was not going to be good for you.

“That’s what I thought. Mine were too.” Well that explained… everything about him. No wonder he was huge. “But you’ve got that nifty little mutation that makes you immune to commands, and I gotta be honest, honey, that’s just gonna make them want to break you even more. And pay me a shitload of money for the privilege of trying.”

“No, they don’t want me.” You felt yourself starting to get angry when he just snorted and rolled his eyes at you, your fists clenching at your sides while the urge to fight rose in you. “I’ll kill any of them who try to bond me, what about your money then?”

“You’ll try to buck them off, but that’s just gonna make them even more eager, they’re stupid like that.” Curtis’s grin was wicked when you bared your teeth at him, fighting the urge to make you submit himself. “Especially when word gets out about you, those rich idiots are gonna be lining up to get the chance to break you, little filly.”

“Fuck you.” He just laughed harder at you, giving you a mocking pout when he saw the angry tears welling in your eyes. “There’s gonna be people looking for me…”

“Who? That beta whose cock you were sucking on the regular?” The way you cringed at that made him laugh. “Baby, who do you think sold you to us?”

“N-no.” Your shoulders slumped when he just kept nodding at you, the thought that someone might be able to track you down was your last shred of hope. “Mike loves me.”

“Mike loves smack, honey, and he doesn’t have the means to pay for his habit.” God, he wanted to lick the tears that were falling down your cheeks, this was turning into a good day after all. “Owed so much money his only option was making me a beneficiary on his life insurance or giving me an Omega no one would miss, and you were right there and had the added benefit of only ever indulging in oral.”

“Get out.” You cringed when he knelt in front of you and caged you in close, whining when he grabbed your jaw with one massive hand and squished your cheeks between his fingers. “I’m gonna kill every single stupid fratboy Alpha you send after me.”

“Mmm, my stubborn little filly.” He beamed when you hissed at him after he pecked you on the nose, shaking your head demeaningly then lightly slapping your face when he stood up. “You keep that attitude up, honey, every time you get that sass going I just see dollar signs.”

You screamed with frustration and turned to bury your head in the pillow once he was gone, curling your body in on itself as you started sobbing. You could still make it out, you had too, but first you were going to cry yourself to sleep before you tried to work on your plan.

“Why aren’t you taking care of this yourself?” Curtis growled at Bryce as he strode after him down the hall towards your room, more than slightly annoyed that he had been interrupted from lining up an incredible number of whales who wanted to bid on the chance to hunt you down and bond you. “I have shit I need to be doing.”

“She almost took Carter’s eye out last time we tried.” Bryce was already starting to get sick of the shitshow keeping you around was stirring up. “If you would let us sedate her…”

“I don’t want that shit building up in her system and affecting the chase.” He snarled when he got a look at Baizen holding an ice pack to his face, ripping the door open once Bryce put in the code before shooting him another glare over his shoulder. “Bunch of pussies… shit!”

He ducked when a cup sailed past his head then whipped around to face you, shooting out an arm to grab you when you tried to dash past him before lifting you off the ground as you flailed wildly and screamed curses at him. You seemed to grow even more furious when he just laughed at you, managing to drive your knee into his side before he got you pinned to the bed with his knees on your wrists.

“Motherfucker, get off!” You let out a sharp cry when his palm landed harshly on your cheek, snapping your head to the side and making warm pain spread across your skin as he started ignoring you.

“Glad to see you’ve still got that fight in you… hey!” Curtis chuckled when you got an arm free and tried to scratch him, yanking your arm over your head until you screamed in pain as he watched your face, bellowing out the door while you kept bucking underneath him. “Which one of you idiots left the tray in here? Clean up this fucking mess and bring me more food! Jesus, filly, if you’re this wild in the sack I’m gonna end up a billionaire.”

“Fuck you!” You didn’t think he was even putting any effort into keeping you pinned, no sign of strain in his muscles or sweat on his skin as he didn’t even bother looking at you when they brought another tray in. “I have a name, shitbag!”

“Yeah? Well I don’t give a fuck.” He grunted when he moved the arm you’d gotten free to pin under his knee again, grabbing your jaw and yanking it open when he grabbed a spoonful of soup and frowned at you. “I don’t want you inhaling this and getting pneumonia, so you can either chew and swallow like a good girl, or I’ll blend the whole thing up and shove a tube down your throat. I also have zero qualms about breaking any bone in your body that won’t affect your ability to run, so you should keep that in mind.”

“Bastard.” You stilled your movements and glared at him when he held the spoon up to your lips, chewing dutifully when he slammed your mouth closed and kept it shut until you swallowed.

“I know, filly, I’m such a horrible, mean man.” He yanked your jaw open again and shoved in another spoonful as he cooed demeaningly at you. “Feeding you and clothing you. Wanting you to be nice and strong so you can outrun those meatheads like you promised me you would. Swallow.” Curtis kept putting spoonful after spoonful into your mouth like you were a fucking toddler, and making insulting little noises every time you got a sullen look on your face. “Plus, we’ve got a pool going now. How many weeks you’re gonna last before some jacked up finance bro manages to take you down. All these idiots seem to think it’s two max, but I think you can go all the way, filly. Look at that, all done! What a good girl you are.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You hated him, hated his face and his blue eyes and the way the scent of pine and mountain lakes and bonfires seemed to completely overwhelm your senses whenever he was around. “I did what you wanted, now leave me alone.”

“Nu-uh, we’re not done yet.” Curtis rolled his eyes when you started trying to writhe out of his grip again once Bryce handed him a pair of soft green panties. “You know the deal, filly, they’ve gotta be able to track you. Shit! Oh you little bitch!” You’d managed to bite him when he took his focus off you for just a second, your look of triumph fading as soon as he dragged both your arms over your head and held them in one giant fist while his other hand yanked your thighs apart so he could kneel on them. “And I was gonna make it nice for you. That was so fucking stupid.”

He ignored your whined protests when he ripped your shift open down the middle, not bothering to send his subordinates out of the room when you were completely bare and spread open as he gave your body an appreciative gaze. You hated that you were wet already, but it wasn’t like you could help it when you were surrounded by Alphas and one of them, the fucking super-Alpha, was forcing you to submit physically.

“Look at that, she-it.” Curtis dragged his thick thumb over your slit and laughed when your body jolted and leaked even more slick all over him, spreading your petals apart so he could see all of you. “That’s a fucking million dollar pussy right there, boys, feel like maybe we should get a before shot. No time for that though, so…”

You were completely unprepared for him to shove the panties inside you, sobbing and shaking and trying to wriggle away as his fingers prodded at your insides viciously until just a small amount of lace was peeking out of your swollen cunt. Then he smacked your pussy and everything went white, a wild shriek ripping from your throat when he kept slapping you right on your already sensitive clit. And it wasn’t like they were those soft, teasing smacks that could feel kinda nice in the right situation. It was like your pussy had personally offended him in some way, the abuse making an absurd amount of juice gush out of you until it was soaking through the sheets.

“Oh yeah, that’s fucking it, just look at that shit.” Curtis was ignoring how fucking hard your screams and moans were making him, groaning when he brought he brought his hand up to his face to lick some of your slick off his fingers before he started smacking you again. “C’mon, filly, you want me to stop, you have to come. And you’d better fucking beg me for it.”

It was taking all your willpower to not give into him, your teeth grinding together as you screwed your eyes closed and fought against the coil that was winding violently tight in your gut. But then he smacked your tits and then your face without warning, and you could feel your resolve starting to crack.

“Just fucking do it, beg me like a good little bitch, you know you want to.” The timbre of Curtis’s voice dropped until only you could hear him, a sinister grin splitting his face as he gazed down at you and suddenly switched to gently petting your pussy in slow strokes that made you whine. “So stubborn, now you’re my special project, filly, since none of these pussies can handle you. You be good for me now and make it through the night and I promise it’ll go so much easier for you. I’ll come feed you myself, I’ll take you on nice little walks every day so you’re not stuck inside, I’ll come and give you nice warm baths and wash your hair so you always feel pretty and soft. And every week when it’s time for the hunt, I’ll come and treat this little pussy so sweet while you sit in my lap until you cream your panties like my good girl so whichever idiot wins the bid can try to track you and make you his. And all you have to do right now is just beg me.”

“Fuck!” You shrieked when he switched back to slapping your pussy, hissing when you ripped your eyes open and glared at him before they rolled back in your skull while your thighs started trembling. “Please, oh please, god! Make me come, just make me fucking come, I’ll do whatever you want!”

“That’s a good, pretty girl.” Curtis started rubbing your clit in harsh circles and growled when you wailed and your cum squirted out of you in a rush, basking in the sound of every other Alpha in the room rumbling when the scent of your release settled around them like a blissful haze while you kept spasming violently and crying. “Gonna get you a nice big room, my filly needs her own stable.” Your scent got even more intense when he pulled the panties out of you, the fabric completely soaked through and your pussy swollen and warm and absolutely ruined in the most beautiful way. “Can’t believe none of you idiots know how to break a bitch, fucking ridiculous, take these.” He thrust the panties into Bryce’s hand when he walked towards the door, sucking your juice off his fingers and humming to himself as he watched you panting and sagging into your mattress while you gave him a dazed look. “Get her a new shift but keep the mess all over her, it’ll make her easier to track and make those idiots think they have an extra edge. Make sure she has some water too before it’s go time. And move her into the empty room in the lodge, want her close.”

“What if she gets claimed?” Bryce was giving Curtis a wary look as his gaze flicked between him and you, shrugging when the larger Alpha snarled at him.

“By one of these Wall Street jackasses?” Curtis snorted at the thought, you might actually end up killing one of them. “Unlikely. And let’s try breaking out the drones tonight, wanna watch my girl in action.”

“Alright fuckers, that’s enough pregaming, it’s time for the draw!” Curtis managed to keep the grin on his face when the roomful of Alphas started whooping and stripping down to just their jeans or sweatpants, even though he just wanted to roll his eyes at them and their glamour muscles. “We all know what the grand prize is, a chance to break in and claim our little filly who just doesn’t want to wear a saddle. She’s running out there right now with all the rest of them, and she is pissed. Who’s first?”

He leaned on the wall and took a sip of bourbon as he watched one of the Betas they kept on payroll start circulating with the grab bag, his nose twitching as he tried to catch a whiff of your scent each time one of them pulled out a pair of ruined panties. There were laughs and jokes about regret each time they weren’t yours, until finally one of them drew out green lace and they all growled. Holy shit, was your scent strong, even though they had already started to slip from the lighthearted revelry to their tracking stances, as soon as your scent hit them they almost went feral. The blonde who had pulled you had to snap at a few of them who tried to get too close, Curtis glad yours had come towards the end or he might have had a full blown fight on his hands.

As soon as he gave the word they were off like a shot, their howls echoing off the sides of the lodge as they disappeared into the thick woods. Curtis sank into one of the lounges in front of the wall of monitors with his bourbon, his eyes raking over the screens that were relaying the footage from the drones until he finally found you.

He barely registered the other Omegas getting brought down and claimed one by one, his eyes glued to you as you crouched in the small blind you’d managed to construct for yourself and kept absolutely still. You really were a clever girl, staying in one place and keeping from leaving a trail for the dumbass who won out to track you. If no one managed to stumble on you, you could probably last the whole night without even breaking a sweat. Damn if none of these bastards deserved you.

The twats who managed to track their quarry and get their dicks wet started filtering back to the lodge, all of them looking incredibly pleased with themselves as they kept groping the sobbing Omegas they’d dragged back with them. None of those whiny things were going home with a mate tonight, New York assholes just wanted a fun bro weekend before they went back to their bachelor pads, jackasses. Curtis hated that he had to cater to the noncommittal bastards, but that was the business, even if he thoroughly believed once you bonded an Omega they were yours for life.

He was ignoring them now though, tuning out their celebratory whoops and the clanking of glasses while he leaned forward a little in his seat when he saw the blonde bitch who pulled you had managed to stumble into the quadrant you were holed up in. Everyone quieted down when they saw you stiffen on the screen, and Curtis knew you must have caught the idiot’s scent.

“Looks like you’re gonna lose your bet already, boss.” Bryce sure hoped so, he was already sick of dealing with you. “Don’t think she can outrun him.”

“We’ll see.” Curtis rested his elbows on his knees and dragged his teeth over his bottom lip. “Wanna double down?”

He snorted when Bryce just gave him a nod and a wicked grin, moving his eyes back to the screen and smiling to himself when he saw you straighten up as you tried to gauge the Alpha’s location. Then you bolted suddenly, the Alpha dashing across the screen just seconds after you and making Curtis hold his breath.

You were fucking quick, he had to give that to you, and you seemed to have a better read on your surroundings this time, changing direction on a dime instead of booking it int a straight line. But he was still gaining on you, getting closer and closer and Curtis sure hoped you were prepared to fight the bastard off.

He was within maybe thirty feet of you when you turned again, this time charging straight at him and making him fall back on his heels. Curtis grinned when you ducked to pick something off the forest floor, everyone in the room groaning sympathetically when you cracked whatever it was against the Alpha’s head and then jabbed it into his stomach.

“Pay me my fucking money, Langley!” He couldn’t get enough of the sour look on the other men’s face when he slapped the bills into his open palm, giving him a pleased smirk before turning back to watch you stand over the collapsed Alpha for a beat then taking off again. “Get the medics to go pick him up. I’m gonna get the ATV, looks like she’s trying to make it to the road again.”

You heard the ATV engine after you’d been running for fifteen minutes, your breath burning your lungs and your muscles screaming as you kept sprinting desperately. Then he pulled in front of you suddenly and you almost ran right into the vehicle, letting out a defeated sob and collapsing when he just gave you that grin that made you want to spit in his eye.

“There’s my good girl.” He knelt in front of you as you kept crying, tutting when you hissed at him when he tried to grip your chin and force you to meet his gaze. “Don’t be like that, filly. C’mon, lemme get a good look at you to make sure you’re not too banged up. Sure you’re not gonna be happy to hear your didn’t kill the dumb bastard that was chasing you.”

“I missed his organs?” You groaned when he nodded at you while he picked up your feet one by one to see how bad they were scraped up, cursing yourself for not taking more care to watch where you had stabbed the branch into him. “Fuck.”

“I know, so disappointing, he’s just gonna need some stitches. Hands.” Curtis clenched his jaw when you made like you were going to fight him, giving you a look that made you sigh before you placed your hand in his with a sullen pout. “Just some scratches. I’ll check under your shift for bruises when we’re back at the lodge.”

“No… shit, let go of me!” You tried to squirm out of his grip when he scooped you off the ground like it was nothing, hating that he could just make you do whatever he wanted without even breaking a sweat.

“Quit being a cunt.” He laughed when he felt you flinch as he curled his body around yours once he’d seated you on the ATV, squeezing your thighs with his as he pulled out. “We’ll see if you’re still this stubborn once I get you out of this dirty thing and give you a nice bath, filly. You manage to be a little sweet and maybe I’ll help you out with the sloppy pussy situation you’ve got going on so you can sleep better. I think you’re gonna enjoy us being neighbors.”

#natalie writes #swimming through sick lullabies #through every forest #curtis everett #alpha curtis everett #dark!alpha curtis everett #dark!curtis everett #curtis everett fanfiction #curtis everett smut #curtis everett x y/n #curtis everett x female reader #curtis everett x reader #curtis everett x you #curtis x reader #chris evans #chris evans smut #chris evans character #tw noncon #tw dubcon #tw dark fic #tw dark series #eighteen and over #eighteen plus

[hlficlibrary]

HL FIC LIBRARY ✤ AUTHOR REC

AO3: nonsensedarling

Tumblr: @absoloutenonsense

STATS:

✤ Number of fics: 24

✤ Posting Since: 2019

TOP 5 FICS:

1️⃣ Nothing But You On My Mind {E, 83k}

Louis Tomlinson is a PR manager hired to improve the image of royal bad-boy Prince Harry Styles. Unfortunately for him, that means being faced with the Prince's constant innuendos, incessant dirty jokes, and relentless flirting. Louis just wants to make it to Princess Gemma's coronation; once she's crowned Queen, his contract is up and he never has to see the Prince again.

2️⃣ thinking about the t-shirt you sleep in {E, 52k}

Harry's alpha fraternity donates to a local thrift shop (because of Liam's latent crush on a cute beta in his lecture). Louis' financial situation (and confusing omega instincts) lead him to make some interesting fashion purchases. Lots of pizza, feelings, and not-really-lying.

3️⃣ Party Lines {E, 25k}

Louis works for a phone-sex operating company, collecting credit card information and transferring calls to different operators. On a particularly busy night, everyone is booked up, and one caller has been patiently waiting for more than a few minutes. In a split second decision –one he’s probably going to regret– Louis picks up the call himself.

Or Louis accidentally becomes a phone sex operator.

4️⃣ Little by Little {E, 65k}

Harry Styles is an omega who works at the London Planetarium, has lived in the same flat for ages, and is happy enough on his own. When he gets home from his first (horrible) attempt at dating in years, a new pregnant neighbor knocks on his door after smelling his cooking. He and Louis quickly become close, but their friendship gets complicated when Harry begins questioning who he is and what he likes.

Or Harry discovers figuring out who you are is more complicated than a potato metaphor.

5️⃣ Gimme Some Sugar {M, 13k}

Louis is scheduled to work an overnight shift with Harry, the hot new pastry chef, to complete a special order. Into the late hours of the night, they bond over music and the ability to make each other laugh like no one else... which makes it harder and harder for Louis to hide his crush. Maybe it won't be so bad if he can't.

Or an AU inspired entirely by a manip of Harry with highlights.

HIDDEN GEM:

💎 Somethin' Old and Red {NR, 5k}

There was a ritual with these things. He’d pour a splash into a wine glass —his favourite little joke was telling humans he loved a nice glass of red every now and again— then sat down in his living room and listened to music while he drank. Every time he changed the record —or, what was it they called them nowadays? 8tracks? MP3s? Playlists? It was difficult for Harry to keep up with the technology, especially as much as things had changed over the last few decades— he would change the music before refilling the glass. He liked to savour his meals. He could get at least two evenings out of a bag that way, which worked very well for Harry’s schedule. His wine glass was in front of him on the counter, and he was ready to pour.

#ficrec #authorrec #nonsensedarling #hlcreators #hljournal #hlsource #1dficvillage #trackinghappily #trackinghome #tracksintheam #yourlarrysource #ficsfor4am #1dsource

[allthingsfern]

You wanna take my picture I; The Castro. San Francisco, 02-10-24.

So, I drove down to SF to take some pictures. On my way down, I wanted to stop at the Marin Civic Center, the classic building designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. I wanted to walk around the indoors and take photos like I did almost 10 years ago. Unfortunately, it was closed. The Marin Public Library was open when I was there back then, but it was also at least two hours earlier when I went the first time.

Oh well.

I drove to the Castro, since it was almost 4:00 p.m. (I left my place late, around 1:00 p.m. and traffic getting to SF was gnarly and traffic in SF is unbearable. Finding parking is close to impossible.) I was hoping to get a couple of interesting people and/or street photos. Well, while I was taking a photo of a pretty pattern on a wall, this young man walked up to me and said, since I was taking pictures, would I take one of him.

Of course, I said yes.

When I looked though my viewfinder, I saw attitude, in a very humorous way. So, I said, "OK, give me more. Gimme something else."

He did.

There are 3 more photos of two more poses, but I am only sharing two of the three photos. My photo of his third pose made us both laugh; it was so naughty. While he was giving me that last pose, I heard laughter behind me and I also saw him looking in the direction of the laughter and laugh. I turned around and realized he was with a group of friends who were enjoying his clowning around for the camera.

I put my camera down and thanked him, and we exchanged wise cracks and he walked away with his friends, all of them talking and laughing about the whole thing. They walked away happy.

That was a good thing.

#photographers on tumblr #black and white #street photography #street portrait #portraits

[sherifftillman]

busy streets and busy lives • ralph penbury x reader

A strange day at work gets even stranger when you meet a man who claims he's from 1926. With no certainty as to when he can get back, you decide to take him in until that time arrives.

masterlist | prev. | next

Tags: Timewasters (series), modern!au, slow burn, mutual pining, idiots in love™, fluff, some angst, swearing and mentions of adult themes throughout, eventual adult content, alcohol content, drug content, penbury is a fanon surname

Word count: 14.2k

A/N: Jesus. H. Christ. Thank you for your patience. This chapter broke me. Goodnight.

(Also please note there is a new content warning in the tags! There is slight drug use in this chapter.)

PS i know, it's a lot of angst, and you guys are here for the cute fluffy timey-wimey boy. i promise next chapter is far nicer, i just didn't want it to get boring, is all. &lt;3

It had been so long. He’d been doing so well. You thought you could just happily leave Ralph at home and he could stay out of trouble. But several missed calls from your friends alerts you to the incident that the group chat were talking about:

With a heavy sigh, you text your co-manager, asking them to cover for you so you could leave for what you call a “family emergency”. Thankfully, you’ve had to do it often enough in the past that they just assume you’ve got a really chaotic younger sibling or something, but it still gets a little frustrating that it’s his third month of living with you and you’re still having to be on call 24/7 for him. Surely by now, he could have googled whether it was safe to microwave a whole egg. And how on earth do you accidentally go live?! There are steps to it, it’s not as though it’s a button he can accidentally press. Only Ralph, honestly.

Still, you can’t stay mad at him. Not when he’s sat on the kitchen floor, muttering to himself in exponential anguish as he reads every cleaning product label to try and determine which one is best for the task at hand.              

You spot his phone still resting on the counter and look at the screen in confusion. “How are there still three and a half thousand of you watching my wall?!” You ask into the camera.

Ralph sits up on his knees to look at his phone, too, and you hold back laughter at the camera’s shot of just his hair and eyes above your kitchen counter. “What do you mean, watching?”

“You’ve been broadcasting for hours, mate. Say goodbye to your followers!” You chirp as you hover over the button to end the feed.

Ralph sinks back to the floor with a defeated, “Oh, fiddlesticks,” and you stop the livestream.

You look at the bottles he has surrounding him and hold your hand out, “Here, gimme the green one.”

He hands it over to you, and gets up quickly, moving over to sit on the sofa in silence. You sigh in resignation, looking over at him as he hugs a cushion to his chest. Quickly wiping down the inside of your microwave, you tidy up the rest of the kitchen after him and sit on the other end of the couch, cross-legged. “Hey.” You crane your neck to try and catch his gaze, but he refuses to. “Hey. You know I’m not mad at you, right? It’s just all the stuff I’ve had going on today all balled up into one big outburst. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

“I suppose you shall be on your way back to work now,” he mutters into the cushion.

You shake your head, “Nah, already forfeited the rest of the day as unpaid because the other manager’s covering. Usually I’d swap it for another shift, but we’re going away next week, so…” You shrug. “No chance there.”

Ralph looks up, the pillow obscuring everything but his sad puppy-dog eyes. “G-going away? Wher- who wi- how lo-”

“Where, Brighton,” you tap one finger. “Ever been?” He shakes his head. “Ah, you’ll love it.” You tap another finger, “Who with, please, like I have any other friends,” you scoff, “so don’t worry, you won’t be meeting anybody new -”

Ralph’s eyes widen in a double take. “Wh- I’m going, too?”

“Well, I clearly can’t leave you here with me, can I?” You ask pointedly, jerking your head behind you towards the now clean microwave. “At least the sofa in the Brighton house pulls out into a proper bed size. How long,” you tap a third finger, “we leave here tomorrow afternoon, leave Brighton next Saturday morning.”

Ralph suddenly finds all his energy, “And just when were you planning on letting me know to start packing?!”

“Well, tomorrow morning, I thought, it’s just a case of shoving some clothes in a bag for a week. It’s not like we’re going to the Ritz or anything,” you shrug. “But we’ve got time to get a head start now if you really need it.”

“If I need -” Ralph scoffs at you as he leaps off the sofa and into the bedroom. All you can do is sigh as you watch him sprint across the room.

~~~

You probably should have figured out, with six of you taking three cars, that it wasn’t going to just be six of you. Grace’s new boyfriend - who you barely recognise yourself until Ralph, of all people, informs you that they’d met on his first night out with you all - and Scott’s partner, who Ralph is thrilled to be reunited with.

It does raise some questions to you about everyone’s sleeping arrangements, since usually Grace and Anna share the biggest room, leaving the three other bedrooms in the house for the rest of you. You’re about to suggest that you sleep on the sofa here, too, to give Ralph the bedroom, when instead you watch Connor throw his bag down on it.

You frown, “Oh, I was gonna stay down here to give Ralph a-”

“No, no, absolutely not,” Anna interjects, shaking her head. “I already worked out, it’s better if you two take the biggest bedroom, the two couples share a bedroom each, and then I tried to fight my case for the sofa, but Connor insisted on it.”

“What a gent,” you comment jokingly. You wonder if Ralph saw it that way, but daren’t look in his direction, in case he takes that the wrong way and assumes you want him to react. 

“So - so this bedroom that we’re staying in, is - is there -?” Ralph stammers, his eyes squeezing shut and opening at a rapid pace. You’ve been able to recognise that as a nervous reaction of his.

“Pretty sure there’s one bed, yeah. But if that’s too scandalous for you, I’m sure I can get a fold-out or something,” you explain, but Ralph’s eyes quickly look around the room before he shakes his head. He can’t quite make eye contact with you.

“No, no, it’s quite… Nothing wrong with being bedfellows, right?”

You shake your head, “Sure, whatever you say. Let me take our bags up - Connor, since yours are there, why don’t you show the newbies around the house and the rest of us can get our rooms set up?”

Connor agrees and you sling the strap of your duffel bag over your shoulder and pick up the suitcase Ralph’s using to take them both up the two flights of stairs to the biggest bedroom in the house.

You really should make work on unpacking yours and Ralph’s clothes for the week, or at least getting your toiletries out, but the bed calls to you like a siren from the deep seas. Throwing the bags on the floor, you launch yourself onto the bed. Oh, sweet spongy mattress! An actual duvet that covers all of you and then some! Pillows without an armrest digging into the back of your head!

The drive down was tiring enough that you can feel your eyes getting heavy. You try to get up again, to fight the urge to sleep too early and miss out on your first night traditions.

You’re awoken by a gentle pressure shoving your wrist down into the bed. And then your elbow. And then your shoulder. You eventually figure out that the sound that accompanies it is Ralph calling your name. “Ah, you’ve awoken! Welcome back.”

You sit up suddenly, “Oh Christ, I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to do that, oh god, what time is it?!”

“Not to worry! Everybody is waiting to go to dinner, they said this is the time you all go anyway,” Ralph assures you. You notice that he’s stood bolt upright, but with his head turned almost upside down to look at you. You let out a sleepy chuckle as you start moving out of the bed, and Ralph quickly darts out of the room. You try not to read into that too much.

You’re greeted with a chorus of, “Alright, sleepyhead?” “It lives!” “What time d’you call this?!” You flip your friends off and fake going back up the stairs before running ahead to the front door.

Once you’ve all got your food, you sit where you always do - a bench that overlooks the pier, all its illuminations making it obvious against the dark sea beneath it. Knowing you’re finally on holiday, surrounded by the people you love most in the world, in your most favourite place, enjoying one of your favourite traditions as your lap cradles the bundle of warmth that is your portion of fish and chips as you hear the gentle crashing of waves. Knowing that all your troubles are currently almost a hundred miles away. You feel a sense of contentment, a rare zen moment. You can’t remember the last time you felt this calm.

And then, ironically, a voice laced with disgruntlement interrupts your train of thought. “Is this really any way to spend a night? You can barely see anything, this is by far the least dignified way to eat, and I fear I may come down with pneumonia before the night is through,” Ralph complains.

“Eat quicker, you’ll warm up quicker,” you prompt him. “This is why I wanted to get you a hat, but you didn’t ‘trust me’,” you mock with a smirk.

“That’s ’cause I’m your favourite to shop with, innit, Ralphie?” Connor calls from further down the bench.

“The guy who bought him clothes that feature an Angry Birds and Star Wars crossover does not deserve bragging rights,” you scoff, to laughter from most of the others.

“Ignore that lot, mate, here, have mine for now!” Connor takes his hat off and puts it on Ralph’s head. There’s something rather endearing about Ralph wearing a hat with ear flaps, but even more so when they’ve folded back on each other enough that they stick out to the sides.

“Are you quite sure?” Ralph asks, eyes wide and pleading.

“Yeah, shoved my hand in my pocket earlier and realised I had a beanie in here, too,” Connor grins as he puts another hat on his head. 

“You’re such a twat,” Grace laughs, and Connor acts offended.

“Excuse you! I was merely looking out for my best mate here!” Ralph’s face lights up at those words.

Trying not to focus on how cute that is, you grin, “Did you wanna share the bed with Ralph, then?”

Connor’s mood shifts at that. He suddenly shakes his head and goes quiet as the others hurriedly change the subject. They tell Ralph about how you’ve all hired out the same house from Airbnb for years now, how the tradition of visiting every year came to be, asking Ralph if he’d ever been to a beach before. He vaguely recalls going to “a sandy beach” when he and his sister were very young, for a few years. You’ve had a few heart-to-hearts with Ralph about his father’s death and his mother’s admission to rehabilitation, but he doesn’t bring it up to the group. You still give his hand a gentle squeeze, to let him know that you understand if he’s getting upset. He wriggles his hand against yours until your fingers interlock, and he squeezes back, using his free hand to pull the ear flaps of his new hat down to cover his.

You keep hold of Ralph’s hand as you walk back to the house, just to let him know that you’re still there for him - though you’d be lying if you weren’t also letting yourself indulge in the idea of you both taking a romantic late-evening stroll along the beachfront, just a little. Of course, usually when you allow yourself these small delusions, it ends up warping the little grievances the two of you have into something far more infuriating than they probably actually are - something’s got to bring you back to reality, after all. But you can’t see any reason why you’d possibly get far enough to snap while you’re on holiday.

Once you’re back to the house, and you and Ralph are making your way upstairs, you tell him to get himself changed in the bedroom while you do so in the bathroom. You grab some pyjamas from your bag, as well as your washbag, and head in to get yourself ready for the night. A quick silent pep talk with your own reflection to remind yourself that your walk back with Ralph was strictly platonic, and you’re ready to go back out to the living room for some games with your friends before bed.

As you step out of the bathroom, you hear a short, shrill shriek. Your eyes dart immediately to Ralph sat on the side of the bed who, despite the fact that he is wearing an undershirt, still censors his chest from view with his pyjama shirt, staring at you with wide eyes.The shade of his ears is unusually deep compared to when he’s usually surprised. Assuming you’re paying far too close attention to such a minor detail for no reason, you snort out a laugh, tell him to meet you downstairs and go to meet the others.

Though Ralph doesn’t understand a lot of the games you all play that rely heavily on pop culture knowledge, he’s a big fan of those that rely on skill and/or general hilarity, since his cluelessness usually helps him there. You advise that he take a backseat upon the suggestion of Jackbox, much to the others’ chagrin - you just feel as though he isn’t quite ready for that, yet. You’re proven right when he constantly asks you for clarification on just what makes a particular answer funny, or when his ears burn up at a particularly racy answer. Connor had expressed interest in showing Ralph the ropes when it came to some games, and you tried to encourage him to go over there, but Ralph insisted on you being his teacher. You assume it’s because you know better than anyone how to explain things to him, but internally your imagination is  playing a very dangerous game.

When you awaken in the bed the next morning, Ralph is still sleeping soundly next to you. He’s almost at the edge of his side of the bed, back turned to you. You slowly make your way out of your side and sneak past him, out of the room and down to the kitchen.

“No Ralph?” Scott asks as you walk in.

“Hello to you, too,” you jokingly flip your friend off and he smiles sweetly in return. “Nah, he’s still sparko. Dunno why.”

“Didn’t he sleep well?” Anna frowns.

You shrug. “Couldn’t tell you, I slept like a log!”

Ralph stirs from all the way upstairs, assuming from the open door that you’d already left the room but still staying still just in case. He slowly starts to roll around to look, allowing himself a sigh of relief as he sprawls out on the bed. He’d only slept once he’d finally exhausted himself from trying to stay as deliberately far away from you as possible. 

His mind would wander, of course. How peaceful you must look when you sleep. How wonderful it would be to awaken with his face a mere touching distance from yours. On occasion, he’d hear you take an extra deep breath and he’d get giddy at the realisation that he was breathing the same air as you!

That’s when he’d rein it in. Stupid Ralph. That’s exactly what scared Lauren off. It’s been months since that week, and still he hasn’t learned. In the present moment, Ralph pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes and bares his teeth in frustration at himself. Desperate to think of anything other than the thought of waking up next to you just as the sun shone against you in the most perfect of ways, making you appear even more radiant than usual. Of your eyes slowly opening as you wake. Ralph finally gives into temptation and indulges himself in the idea of your sleepy smile, in this dream universe where you’d be happy to wake up to see him. And what a perfect sight that would be.

He takes himself to the bathroom, picking up his razor and twirling the handle around between his fingers and thumb, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. He’s already shaved his facial hair clean off on several occasions. It keeps him remembering who the real Ralph Penbury is. You and your friends always complain when he does it, though. They tell him that he’s not Our Ralph when he looks like that. He’d love nothing more than to be Their Ralph. Especially to you. What was the point of being the other Ralph? Going back to a penniless, friendless, loveless, overall fruitless life?

But you’re always reminding him, this isn’t his era. This isn’t permanent. You’re always preparing him to go back to his own time at any point. A part of Ralph - the stupidly optimistic, nay, deluded part - hopes that it’s simply a fear of the unknown, that messing with time in such a way could cause devastating effect. Though what a stupid thing to think, in what universe would Ralph have such a massive impact?! 

With a heaving sigh, he tidies his facial hair up to a minimum while keeping it intact. A part of him still hesitates, still debates going further. It's what you'd want. Except also it isn't, because you always tell him he looks better with it. Ye gods, you're a confusing one.

Ralph gets himself dressed and makes it downstairs in just enough time to catch breakfast being dished up. You whisper something to Scott as soon as Ralph approaches, and Scott hands him a plate with a warm smile alongside everyone else eating, before setting everything up to make another portion for you. Ralph wants to frown, but he doesn't want to draw attention to himself, either. Why would you immediately sacrifice your breakfast for him, when he's the one who came downstairs later? Why would you see him being fed first as more important? Why not let him make that decision? He would have been happy to wait.

You feel Ralph's eyes boring into you as he scarfs his eggs down, but the one time you try and look back at him he acts as though he's trying not to get caught. You wonder what he could possibly be thinking, until Anna starts talking about the day's itinerary. This is good, this is distracting from the awkwardness, this is what the holiday is all about.

All wrapped up for a brisk November morning, you all head out to the pier, as per tradition. As Ralph gets face to face with the rides, he looks up at them, horrified, and you frown. "Are you scared of rides, or something?" He looks back down at the pier floor, watching the waves crash beneath a gap in the planks, with more fear in his eyes. "Hey, hey," you soothe, "eyes up." Ralph eventually tears his gaze away to look at you. "I promise it's all safe. It's not like those travelling funfairs where everything gets wheeled in and out, everything's built to stay here. Alright?" He still seems distracted, and before you can stop yourself, you blurt out, "Wanna hold my hand again?"

Stupid. What happened to not feeding the delusion? What happened to distancing yourself? What happened to being realistic? You know exactly what happened. Those damn baby-cow eyes. Hopefully Ralph'll say no. It'll be too scandalous for him to hold hands in public with people all around, surely.

But no. His fingers very carefully slide between yours yet again as he squeezes your hand gratefully. You keep both of your hands relatively tucked away from the others' view - they've already got you two sharing a bed, the last thing you need is having to constantly try to convince them all that you and Ralph aren't an item. Despite the fact that it would certainly be a good thing for you, a constant reminder to you that it can never happen, you know your friends well enough by now to know that they’d only take it as denial. That they’d keep pressing to ‘uncover’ whatever they believe you’re hiding. And you’ve gone this long keeping your one big secret from them, what if they keep digging until they find that out?!

Your train of thought is interrupted by a loud giggle from Ralph. He sees the photo op cutout of a cop and robber chase scene and he’s delighted by it. “Wanna pose?” You let go of Ralph’s hand to take your phone out and hand it to one of your friends as you both run behind the photo stand. Ralph finds the resulting picture absolutely hilarious. 

“I always wanted to do one of those,” he muses as the pair of you hang back for him to once again hold your hand, to your own chagrin. Why couldn’t you have offered to link arms? That’s friendly enough. Can’t really be misconstrued. His smile, small but contented, melts your frustrations away, if only to add to them later on as you’re walking with him.

“Did they not have people taking your photo for you, even, in those days, then?” you ask quietly, so as not to be overheard.

Ralph half-shrugs, “There were cameras, you know. Far bigger than those little pocket ones everyone has now!”

“Yeah, I think I know of them. Big box things, someone would have to stand under a curtain and hold out a thing to press to take it, right?” you ask.

Ralph holds back his laughter as he replies with amusement, “By a thing to press, do you mean a button, by any chance?”

You pull a sarcastic face at him. “I’m leaving you stranded here,” you joke, tugging him in a particular direction to show him you’re not serious. “You’re spending too much time around me, I think. Starting to sound like me and everything,” you shake your head.

“Is that such a bad thing?” Ralph asks in a small voice.

Trying not to overthink what else that could mean, you shrug, “Well, I s’pose if I’ve a part to play in you being able to tell your sister to shove it, then not really. But using my own brand of sarcasm against me?” You tut, again shaking your head. “I’ve created a monster.” Ralph laughs gently at you as everyone stops at their first ride: the Turbo roller coaster. 

Everyone laughs at the shade of green Ralph turns. “I promise you, mate, it’s far scarier down here than it is up there,” Connor tries to reassure him, but Ralph is fixated on the loop in the track.

“Honestly, Ralphie babe, that is the tiniest loop you’ll ever go on. It’ll be over before you even know it, and by the time it is over, you’ll love it, promise!” Grace holds her little finger out to Ralph, who stares at it with fearful eyes for a few beats before linking his own, to everyone’s cheers.

You allow your hands to be a little less obscured, under the guise that Ralph is only scared of the ride and so you are providing a temporary comfort. Anna also rests her head against Ralph’s arm, and Scott places a comforting hand on his shoulder, at your invitation. “The more of us that comfort him, the better, right?” you explain. “Plus, if there’s any… Prying eyes…” You look around anxiously. “At least they can’t assume that Ralph and I are dating just ’cause we’re stood together,” you roll your eyes exaggeratedly. “I don’t need that sort of attention, it’s bad enough on socials.”

You don’t see Ralph’s change in demeanour. What was a quiet excitement mellowed amongst the fear of the ride, turns to full-blown dejection. Of course you’d be embarrassed to be associated with him. Who wouldn’t be? No matter what era he’s in, he’s still Ralph.

Anna interrupts his train of thought by rubbing his arm, “You alright, Ralph?” He nods, pushing a smile up his cheeks. “Nervous?” She asks, and he nods silently. She hugs his arm tight. “Honestly, there’s nothing to it.”

“Yeah, you’ll be a thrill-seeker like the rest of us in no time!” Scott grins before nudging you and Ralph each. “You two should get a photo on the Crazy Mouse for the flat!”

You shake your head, “Come off it, like either of us would want a photo of us being flung around like that! Right, Ralph?” Again, he nods without saying a word. Your brow furrows, “Are you okay? Did you want to sit this one out?” He shakes his head. “Sure? We can just go get food if you would rather watch this lot go round first and then we can go later,” you offer, but he shakes his head again.

“Besides, it’s not like it’d be the worst photo of him out there,” a completely strange voice from the other side of the queue barrier makes you jump.

“Excuse me?!” Scott exclaims.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you all! We just saw Ralph, and then you, and really wanted to get a photo, if that’s okay?” They ask you. They seem innocent enough, just asking for a picture, but you still can’t help but stand there awkwardly.

“Oh, I’m not really into that side of things, I only got my socials to make sure people are being normal about him,” you shrug them off before adding, “and to reward you all with some extra content if you’re all behaving!” They laugh, and you turn to Ralph. “What do you say, do you wanna take a photo with some of your fans?”

Ralph approaches the barrier and leans over it to pose for the photo, pressing his lips together into a smile as he holds an arm around his first in-person fan. “My friends and I just think you’re absolutely hilarious!” They smile up at him.

“Oh, please,” he laughs, flustered. Though he has his new hat on, you can guess what’s happening beneath it. “My lack of knowledge of technology doesn’t necessarily make me hilarious, anyone could do that.”

“Nah, there’s a sort of… Natural charm about you. Plus, I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, but you’re really cute. Even in that photo that’s going around.”

Ralph sputters nervously as the rest of you exchange glances. You manage to hide your seething rage from your friends, though you feel it boring through your eyes as they fixate on this person. “Ah, don’t be so silly! You’re far too kind. Um, is that your friend over there waving you away?” He asks as someone approaches, thankfully dragging their friend away while talking about spotting a Twitch streamer as they head in the direction of some poor sod wearing a black and white face covering. You wonder whether that’s their ‘thing’ or if they’re doing it to avoid detection. You wonder if you’ll have to do that with Ralph at some point. His internet fame is becoming less and less of the laugh it first seemed to be with every day.

“You alright?” Anna again checks in with Ralph, who looks slightly bewildered still.

“Should I have responded differently there?” He asks.

You’re quick to answer, “No! No, I think you did the right thing, there.” You then hurriedly follow it up with a, “I mean, dating fans is never a good idea, right?”

“Yeah, not gonna lie, that made me uncomfortable,” Connor cringes. “You handled it way better than me, mate.” Ralph feels a sense of pride at his words. The line starts to move and soon enough, you’re all getting into carriages yourself. 

You make sure you and Ralph are in one near the middle, so he feels safer. Once you’re all strapped in, and the attendant is sure Ralph is, too, you see him already squeezing his eyes half-shut in anticipation. You poke him gently and hold your hand out again. “It’ll be here if you need it, okay?”

“Oh, it’s quite alright, I wouldn’t want to be a -” Ralph starts, but as the coaster jolts into motion he quickly grasps your hand tightly.

Ralph’s half-laugh/half-scream serenades you throughout the whole ride, especially at the loop. Once the ride brings you back upright again, you look over at him. “Was that so bad?”

“Boy, that was exhilarating, wasn’t it?!” He beams, and everyone else cheers for him from their own seats.

“You did it, Ralphie!” “We’re so proud of you, babe!” “Reckon we’ve awoken the thrillseeker in you?” Ralph’s too giddy to answer any of those. 

You can barely get him to stand upright without his legs turning to jelly, unless you get him to hold your arms while you hold his. He falls into your arms with a giddy laugh, and you gently shove him onto his own gait. “Easy, tiger!” You giggle. “God knows what you’re gonna be like on the other rides.”

Once he sees the Crazy Mouse coaster in action, that green hue in his skin returns, so you decide to build his courage up a little more. His face simply turns white when he sees the ghost train. Scott notices and rolls his eyes, “Oh my god, Ralph, don’t even worry about it, this is literally the least scary ride on here.”

His partner pipes up, “Yeah, there’s scarier creatures on the merry-go-round than there are in there!”

“I wonder if they’ve put the face back on that animatronic from last year or not?” You ask, before looking over to Ralph, who looks horrified. “It’s unintentionally the scariest thing there, and it’s not even that bad. Trust me. Remember?” You hold your hand out, wiggling your fingers. “If you need it.”

“What if… People assume?” Ralph asks, trying not to spit the word out with the venom that wants to follow it.

You shrug, “I think your face justifies your need to have someone hold your hand. If you’d rather, you can sit with Connor or Anna, I was just suggesting -” He takes your hand again in silence, and you walk him over to queue up at the ghost train.

The moment the ride takes you into a dark hallway, Ralph buries his face in your shoulder, and you pat his cheek comfortingly. However, as he starts to see the quality of the animatronics (“Was that one being held up by -” “Duct tape, yes.”) and experience how poorly timed the “jump scares” are, he relaxes far more. 

You take him on the twister next, which only ends up throwing your body into his at every convenience, a consequence you’d forgotten in the year since you’d last been on it. Still, he seemed too invested in the adrenaline rush that came with being thrown around in circles to notice your proximity.

After a quick pit stop to eat, and reassurance to Ralph that you weren’t going straight back onto any rides, you go into the arcade. Ralph’s face lights up along with all the games as you explain what ones are. He excitedly tells you that he recognised the fortune teller machine and a strength tester game from his own youth. 

You let the others go on ahead as you and Ralph pay for a go on the fortune teller. It tells you, “A smile is worth a hundred frowns in any market!” You look at Ralph with the biggest smile you can muster, and he returns with one of your favourite expressions of his, the big fake animatronic-style smile that could rival the fortune teller. “And lucky for you, the great Zoltar sees much happiness ahead for you!” You bite your lip at the irony. Does that mean Ralph's happiness, that he’ll be returning home soon? Your happiness, that he’ll be staying? Or is it just a randomly generating machine?

It prints off a fortune and you read it together: You may be riding the winds of change. Things may at times seem to be out of touch. Soon they will come to a better order. As the blessings of health and fortune have a beginning, so they must also find an end. Everything rises but to fall. To make sense of all this, you will find the answer is to be found in how well you relate to people. Looking at the big picture will help shape your long range plans. If things are not always smooth remember that he who could foresee affairs but three days in advance would be rich for thousands of years.

You blow out a long breath of disbelief at how weirdly on the nose that seems to be for you both and quickly pocket it to find the others. Grace is trying to get her new boyfriend to win her a stuffed toy on the cranes. Scott is trying to finesse a coin-pusher game while his partner and Connor play a dance mat game behind him, and Ralph leaves you to watch in awe as Anna plays a pinball machine. She tries to explain the mechanics of it all to him, but it seems to be going entirely over his head.

You play your favourite game for a while, trying to win as many tickets as possible, when Ralph soon joins you as well. “Any luck with pinball?” You ask, and Ralph shakes his head.

“I wasn’t sure how to play it, I didn’t really seem to be doing anything, rather just pushing an awful lot of buttons for the sake of it,” he answers. 

“Sounds like you were playing it right to me!” You laugh. “What do you wanna do now?”

“Well,” he says, excitement obvious in his voice. “I saw one of those photo booths around there…”

You gasp, “Yes! Let’s do it!” before looking around with disappointment. “Ugh, how are we gonna fit everyone in, though?”

“Perhaps we can get individual ones with people across the week?” Ralph suggests.

“Alright,” you nod. “Wanna get some practice in, just us?” Ralph nods back at you, and you both head into the booth.

Once you’ve paid for it, Ralph asks, “Now how does it all work, again?”

“Right, it’ll tell you when - oh, for fuck’s sake,” you groan as it takes a photo of you mid-sentence, and Ralph stifles a laugh. “Okay, quick, when’s it taking anoth- ahh!” Another snap takes you by surprise, and Ralph doesn’t attempt to hide his amusement this time. You throw your hands up in disbelief, “Well, this is a waste now, isn’t it,” before collapsing into laughter yourself.

“I am sorry,” Ralph frowns at you once all four are taken, and you wave him off. 

“Don’t be! I should have set us a game plan from the beginning.” You decide on your poses: a normal, smiley one; a goofy-grinning one; one with both your tongues sticking out; and one where you kiss his cheek. You promise him that it’s not at all scandalous to pose in this way, and that between Grace and Scott, at least one of them would want a photo with him like it anyway so you’re simply getting him geared up for that. You’re promising yourself that more than him, if you’re being honest with yourself.

You end up posing for the first one with your heads touching as you smile gently into the camera. He’s not giving his usual uncomfortable smile, or his disappearing-lip act. It’s just a nice, natural smile. Which is immediately replaced with a fake smile so big, he has to hold himself up on the bench with both of his hands to hold himself at an angle worthy of the grin on his face, which you mirror. When you tell him, “Tongues out!” yours pokes straight out towards the camera, but he lets his loll out to show off the flat of his tongue to the camera instead. You remind him to look ahead for the last one by pointing at the screen, and then holding the cheek furthest from you to push it closer to you, feeling his freshly trimmed down stubble scratch at your lips as you feel them press against the warm flesh of his cheek beneath.

Once all four are done, you quickly get out to make sure both strips are still there to collect. Thankfully, nobody else has seen them, and you pick them both up to study them. You try not to focus on the bottom photo of the second strip, instead looking at the total disaster that is the first strip. Most of them are blurry and far from flattering, but the final one. What is it with the last photo with you two?! You’re laughing, as is Ralph, but the way Ralph is angled, you could just as easily fool yourself into believing that he’s looking at you as though he’s madly in love with you.

As he emerges, he asks, “So, were those first ones completely unusable?”

Quickly tearing off the bottom photo to pocket it, you crumpled up the remaining three and throw them in the bin. “Yeah, pretty much! Here, hold onto these ones, though, and we can put them on the fridge when we get back home.”

Home. Do you mean that to mean your home is Ralph’s, too, or are you speaking on your own terms? Neither of you know, to be honest.

Your friends reconvene around you, and you tell them of yours and Ralph’s plan for each of them to get a mini photoshoot with him, what with it being his first time on this holiday with you all. Everyone happily accepts getting their own photo ops in with Ralph, and you love watching how everyone poses with him. Your personal favourites are Anna teaching him how to throw up deuces as they pull funny faces, Connor teaching him how to make hand horns as they stick their tongues out, Scott and his partner both kissing each of Ralph’s cheeks, and Ralph’s feigned disgust as Grace drapes herself over her boyfriend.

After all that excitement, you decide you’ll return to the rides another day. Instead, you find a nice little Italian place to eat that’s taken over an old cafe you had used to love coming to, but this new restaurant has an even better vibe than its predecessor. That, and Ralph learning how to eat spaghetti through trial and error is hilarious, especially when he decides that the best way is to simply find the ends of as many strands as possible and slurp them all up. The rest of you make a game of picking a strand each and seeing which one lasts the longest.

On the way back, Ralph gets recognised again. Thankfully, this person knows better than to flirt with a total stranger, though Ralph still seems astounded at the whole experience. This fan says something about being able to replace their icon from “the explosion photo”, and so, remembering the one from earlier mentioning an unflattering picture, once you’re all back at the house you look through Ralph’s follower list and burst into laughter. 

It seems as though his fans have taken a screenshot of his disdain after microwaving the egg and made it their profile pictures. Some have left it as is, with your kitchen in the background. Some have added further explosions and other phenomena in the background. Ralph is the only one who doesn’t see the funny side, the disappointment returning to his expression.

With a sigh, you promise him, yet again, that there is no need to be upset. You’re not upset with him, the flat was easily cleaned, the microwave remains functional. You understand that this comes from years of being raised poorly, but having to constantly remind Ralph that you aren’t mad at him, is ironically the thing that frustrates you the most about him.

The next day, after again waking up to Ralph practically on the edge of his side of the bed, you decide to go to the Lanes to explore some of the vintage shops. Mostly, for your own amusement, you want to watch Ralph react to what is considered “vintage”, but you know you’re going to have to rein it in around everyone else. The day flies by in a montage of trying on ridiculously old clothes, ones that even Ralph turns his nose up at, trying to find the most cursed old toys in every shop, and Ralph trying desperately to stifle his excitement every time he recognises something from his own time period. Ralph gets recognised again by a young, tall blonde boy and his shorter brunette friend, though those two soon get accosted themselves, which allows you to get Ralph away to the safety of a quieter shop.

After your shopping excursion, you return to the pier to play some more games, this time from the attractions around the pier. Thankfully, Ralph seems far more confident walking on it, so there’s no need for you to offer any hand-holding services - although it does already feel strange walking around with both hands empty. You manage to win a stuffed animal on a throwing game, and Ralph decides his skill set is best utilised playing hook-a-duck - though he throws the person running the game off of their rhythm when the prize he asks for is to keep the duck itself, as Ralph personally has no use for stuffed animals. The person running the game, totally baffled, ends up letting Ralph keep the rubber duck, which he seems thrilled about, placing the hook over his finger and letting the duck swing from it with great delight.

“I think I get why cats like him so much,” Connor comments from where he’s stood just behind you as you watch Ralph. “You know how you can buy them all the expensive toys they want but they just wanna play in the box?” You snort with laughter in agreement. “He’s just one of them.”

While Ralph insists on everyone referring to the duck by its name, Clarence, he apparently draws the line at your joke of offering to pay for him to shoot a photo booth reel with his new friend. He looks at you with disapproval at that one.

You still utilise Clarence in his own way, though. Everywhere you go from that point onwards, you take a photo of the duck in that area, and then post it to Ralph’s Instagram story for him, though you only do so once you’re no longer in that place, for obvious reasons.

That evening, at the house, Connor tells Ralph he’s got a surprise for him, and to close his eyes and hold his hands out. Your heart swells when you see that Connor, who had excitedly spent the best portion of an hour in a music shop, has bought Ralph his own ukulele. Ralph looks close to tears at the gift. “Oh, Connor, I couldn’t possibly -”

“None of that, you can and you will,” Connor states simply while pointing at him, and Ralph shrinks down in defeat, opting instead to look at the ukulele with marvel. You all spend the night listening to Ralph play his chords, everyone occasionally offering lyrics to the tunes he was playing. God, he fits in so well with you all. It’s going to be so heartbreaking to tell them all when it’s his time to leave.

You wonder if the window of opportunity will only be open while you’re away. It’s a risk you’ve had to take to make sure he stays safe, since he literally only proved days ago that he still can’t be trusted unsupervised. What if you miss it? Would he resent you? Would it cause some insane rip in the time-space continuum? There’s really not a lot of solid research into this whole time travel business.

The next morning, you’re shocked to awaken to Ralph’s face dangerously close to yours as it rests on the inner half of his pillow. You could count his eyelashes, they were that close. You could connect his freckles, they were that close. His lips twitch ever so slightly in his sleep as you’re studying his face. His face that’s so close to yours. His lips that are -

You quickly take yourself out of that trance and practically throw yourself down the stairs, you’re that quick to leave the room, and those thoughts.

Ralph awakens, sadly, from a dream where you’re happy to have him in your arms to find himself near enough in the middle of the bed. He wonders exactly how he got there. You’re already awake, because of course, you always are. You don’t lie awake for almost an hour every night trying desperately to stay as rigidly far away from the centre of the bed as possible.

When Ralph arrives for breakfast, the group have already decided that today is more of a lazy day. They’ll go out later, of course, but there’s no rush. Just a day spent at the house, playing more board games and listening to both Connor and Ralph playing the ukulele as Connor teaches him how to teach himself actual songs. You even post Ralph’s first photo dump to his Instagram account:

As fun as it is to get out and experience another city, especially getting to do so with Ralph for the first time, you make just as many memories on this rest day. Memories like Ralph not only playing Jackbox for the first time, but somehow winning several games. Memories like watching Grace and her boyfriend playing board games as if they’d been married for years, even though she wrongfully accuses you and Ralph of playing the same way.

In the last hour of sunlight, you realise something. “I haven’t found my rock for this year, yet!”

Ralph looks at you strangely. “Your what?” Before answering his own question. “Do you mean that shelf full of stones in the bedroom has a purpose?”

“Yes! Every year, I find myself a cool-looking rock to take back. It’s tradition,” you explain with a gesture. “Plus, it gets us all out of the house at least once.”

“W’re all goin’ out la’er,” Connor groans from where he lays across the sofa he’s been sleeping on, beneath a mountain of crisps he’s been making his way through.

“At least twice then, lazybones,” you comment, but almost everyone else is happy to stay home.

Everyone except Ralph, who hurriedly gets his shoes on. Of course, it’s just you and Ralph. Alone. Far away from home. Nothing could possibly go wrong, here.

Thankfully, you’re on a mission, here. You can distract yourself with the task of finding the best looking rock on the beach. It can’t just be the first cool rock you see, oh no. It has to be the best one. That’s always been your rule.

Ralph tries to help, but honestly, a puppy would be less excitable. He keeps grabbing the first rock he can, running up to you to ask, “Is this useful?” to which the answer is almost always “no”, and so he simply throws it back to the ground and looks again. There are three separate occasions where he shows you ones he’s already asked you about. But he’s having fun, and he looks adorable, and maybe tonight you’ll be able to delude yourself into a happy little dream where Ralph’d be happy to do anything for you. Though perhaps not quite anything, that sort of dream would have to be reserved for a time when you’re not sharing a bed with him.

You thump the side of your head with the heel of your hand, as though you’re trying to knock the idea out of your brain. There is absolutely no time and place for those kind of thoughts.

At one point, Ralph sees a young child throwing rocks one at a time into the sea, with great delight. Ralph also seems highly entertained by it, and when the kid looks over at him, he decides to join in by grabbing a whole handful of rocks and throwing them all into the water at once. The kid thinks this is the most hilarious thing they’ve ever seen before. Ralph seems happy enough to keep doing it until the kid’s parents take them away. You’re happy to just sit back on the ground and watch Ralph, taking photos and videos of this moment. 

 Ralph soon joins you where you sit, laughing breathlessly. “Oh, what a joy that was!”

“You certainly looked as though you were having a blast,” you simper. “Though if you threw away the ultimate rock amongst all of that, I may never forgive you,” you add in a sarcastic deadpan.

“I would completely understand,” Ralph nods back, unable to keep up any monotony for any amount of time before snorting with laughter. He looks out at the horizon, pointing out how the sky looks now that the sun is starting to set. “Don’t see that very often in London,” he frowns.

You shake your head, “Nah, it’s usually too cloudy. Not that different here, we’ve just caught a good moment. Looks nice, doesn’t it, all reflecting on the water and that?” You cock your head to the side and sigh happily. “Could sit here for hours watching it.”

Ralph tenses up, trying desperately not to think of how your head just rests against his arm, the weight of it still pressing down on the padded sleeve of his coat enough for him to feel it. He swallows hard, “Yes, it’s too bad that the sunset doesn’t last long at all, isn’t it?”

“You’re telling me,” you add with a soft smile before sitting up. “That’s why I wanted to try and get to the beach now, to get to see it at least once. ’m glad you came with me,” you muse before suddenly realising you’re treading into dangerous territory here. To save yourself, you quickly add, “Y’know, so that you get to see it too, while you’re still here. Since you were saying you haven’t been on a holiday like this since you were a kid. Maybe you can go on more of them once you’re back.”

“Maybe,” Ralph replies emotionlessly.

You sit in relative silence as you watch the sky together. You get a “golden hour” selfie with Ralph, mostly to teach him about it, though he says that he doesn’t see much difference between that photo and most of the others you’ve taken in the past. After realising that he’s brought it with him in his pocket, too, you spend a good few minutes laughing along with Ralph as you try to find the most photogenic angle of Clarence the duck to add to his photo collection.

Once the view stops being quite so aesthetically pleasing, you stop off at the pier again to buy some sugared doughnuts to share with Ralph as you make your way over to the pub that you plan to meet your friends at. You love this pub as another of your holiday traditions, because Wednesday nights are karaoke nights. You wonder whether Ralph’ll feel confident enough to sing along to any modern songs. The mental image of Ralph taking to the mic to sing along to Taylor Swift with his entire chest is enough to make you laugh out loud, which confuses Ralph, but you opt to not tell him, merely shaking your head and covering your mouth instead.

To your disappointment when you get there, the pub no longer does karaoke, but Wednesdays are now pub quiz nights. You still stick around for dinner, and after a couple of drinks, you end up signing up for the quiz, for a laugh. None of you expect to get very far, but Grace’s boyfriend really pulls through with sports questions, and even Ralph ends up answering the question that ultimately wins the whole quiz for you, one about a specific style of shoes that had rendered the rest of you clueless.

Everyone ends up watching your group celebrating Ralph. The leaders of the second-place team, an older blonde man and a dark-haired woman he refers to as his wife, even join in with their own congratulations.

 A pair of young women offer to buy Ralph a drink, to which Connor starts encouraging Ralph to go with them. You very quickly make conversation about the rest of the week’s plans with Anna and Grace to distract yourself, but Ralph doesn’t seem interested, much to your confusion. You look around at your friends, who all seem to be exchanging their own looks to each other, but none of them seem to want to look at you. You shake your head and make your way to the bathroom, scoffing indignantly at the two men who barge past you to get to the door next to you.

After a few minutes of silent pep talk to remind yourself that you have no right to feel bad if Ralph expresses interest in someone else, Anna comes in specifically to find her. After promising her a full eight times that you’re absolutely fine, you both head back out to the group, where Scott had brought along a game from the house that you can all play together. You notice Ralph isn’t there, but you don’t bring it up. You’re not his keeper, after all.

~~~

“Ah, ladies, this is quite an honour, obviously, but I am out with friends and it would be rather impolite to just leave them!” Ralph explains hurriedly to the two women who have approached him to congratulate him on his efforts.

“I dunno, your mate there seems pretty keen for you to come over,” one smirks in Connor’s direction.

“I must insist, I could never live with myself for taking advantage of such generous women as yourselves, though I am deeply grateful that you should wish to spend your night in my company! I’m afraid I’m very much not from around here, and so I would get frightfully lost without my friends to guide me home,” Ralph blabbers, getting more and more flustered.

“Maybe you can come back to mine, then?” The other asks, looking suggestively at him as she touches his arm. It’s a gentle contact, but it electrifies Ralph at high voltage as he yelps, pulling it away.

“Truly flattered, but I am a gentleman first and foremost and so I simply must decline such an offer, and I shan’t be staying long enough to court you appropriately, but I wish you both very well in your endeavours!” Ralph practically shouts as he turns on his heel and quickly makes his way to the toilets. 

Ralph walks in on quite a sight. Two men, reasonably bigger than himself, bent double over the sinks. “Pardon me,” Ralph calls out, with the intention on simply throwing some water on his face as a wake-up call of sorts, but the men jump up in surprise at the sound of his voice.

“Ain’t nothing to see here, mate, jog on,” one says, trying to square up against Ralph.

“Sorry, gents, just wanted a quick go at the sink, and then I’ll be out of your hair, I promise!” He smiles brightly, completely oblivious. He catches sight of a line of white powder along the counter and chuckles to himself as he recognises it as cocaine, thinking back to previous parties he’d held at Penbury House.

The first man growls, “Find something funny?”

“Oh, just reminiscing. It’s been a while since I’ve seen… You know,” his eyes flash over to the substance on the counter. “Just fondly remembering old times.”

“Oi, ain’t no way this toff’s a user,” the second man shakes his head.

The first one snarls with a smile, "You a copper?"

"Heavens, no!" Ralph laughs. "Not to worry, gentleman, I'm no telltale, your secret is safe with me!"

"I'm not buying it," the second one looks at Ralph with an upturned nose. "I reckon he's a snitch."

"Well, only one way to prove it, innit," the first one grins uncomfortably at Ralph as he gestures towards the counter. "Care to join us?" he asks in a voice that mocks Ralph's.

“Well, if you insist, I - straight from the counter?” Ralph asks in disgust, but the chorusing snarl answers him quite adequately. “I suppose beggars can’t be choosers!”

Just as he finishes the first line, he’s interrupted by a loud, “RALPH! Fucking hell, get your head out of there! What the fuck is wrong with you two dickheads?!” Connor grabs Ralph by the back of his jumper and throws him back. “You alright? How much have you had?”

“Oh please, it was barely even a full line, it’s nothing,” Ralph insists, to both Connor and Scott’s baffled expressions.

“We don’t have time to unpack that right now,” Connor throws Ralph in Scott’s direction at the emphasis, causing Ralph to trip over his own feet through both of the steps it takes to get there, and Scott catches him, trying to get a good look at his eyes. Connor turns to the two men. “Alright, look.”

“Don’t know that I feel up to much talking,” one snarls.

Connor pulls a sarcastic expression. “Oh yeah, beat a guy up in the same room your coke’s still out for the world to see, good one(!) Shut the fuck up, yeah? We didn’t see anything, neither did you. Just - I mean, what the fuck were you thinking, giving your shit away for free, to him?!”

The man shrugs, “Had to call his bluff, innit? Thought he was a narc.”

“Well, you thought wrong, didn’t you,” Connor sneers, remaining sarcastic as ever. “Just… Clean up and get the fuck out of here, yeah? C’mon,” he gestures for Scott and Ralph, who’s already starting to bounce on the balls of his feet, to get out.

~~~

Once you finally see all three boys re-emerge from the bathroom, as you’d asked the other two to check on Ralph, you notice something off amongst them. Ralph seems in far higher spirits than the others. You get up to meet them halfway and notice something white and powder-y on the edge of Ralph’s nostril. “The fuck is that?!” You ask incredulously.

Scott looks over and quickly pulls his shirt sleeve down to wipe at Ralph’s nose with it. “Nothing!” He lilts, though his expression as he flashes his eyes at you confirms your worst fears about it. Scott mutters, “We need to get him to a hospital.”

“No!” You and Ralph chorus loudly. You shush the man and hurriedly lie, “No, you’ve not seem him in a hospital, he’s fucking useless, faints the second he gets in, he hates it all, honestly. Give him here, just - I’ll take him back to the house, I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“I promise you all, I am fine, I’ve done far more than that in my years!” Ralph states. “Can we please just return to our night?”

“Respectfully, mate, you don’t know what this shit’s been laced with,” Connor warns. “I’m with Scott, I think hospital’s the best place.”

“And I’m telling you, it really fucking isn’t,” you hiss back at them. “He just needs to get back home so he can’t make any more bad decisions.” Ralph frowns at your words, but you ignore him.

“Alright, we’ll pack up,” Scott starts, but you stop him.

“No, no.” You sigh, “Look, it’s still your holiday, too. I’ll take him back, I’ll keep you guys updated, but you lot just enjoy the night without us, okay?”

“We really don’t mind,” Connor shakes his head, but you persist.

“Honestly. Just…Hang on a second.” You return to the table, spinning a tale of how Ralph’s got a migraine and so you’re going to take him home as you put your outdoor clothes on. Everyone still at the table calls out well-wishes for Ralph as you make your way back to him, informing the boys of what you’ve said, and you lead Ralph out of the door into the brisk evening air.

You walk in silence, not knowing what to say. You’re concerned about Ralph, obviously, but you’re also just so mad at him for doing something so stupid. Who accepts some rando’s offer of coke off a random pub sink?! What the fuck was he thinking?! And now, everyone else is enjoying their holiday while you spend it the way you spend every single day - babysitting a 25 year old man who acts without consequence because he doesn’t bear them, you do. You may as well be at home with him.

“You know,” Ralph finally breaks the silence as you walk up the street that the house is on, “I’m not a child. I knew what I was doing.”

You sigh, “Free drugs is a massive red flag, Ralph. You could have gotten into some serious shit.”

“Well clearly not if we’re just going straight back to the house,” he points out.

“Okay, Ralph, what do you want me to say when we get to the hospital? ‘Hi, I’ve got a man here who needs drugs pumped out of his system. Name? Ralph Penbury. Date of birth? February 1st 1901. Oh, what’s that? You’ve got him marked as being dead for the last 96 years? Then what’s he doing stood here?!’” Ralph goes quiet up until you get to the front door, where you press your hands into your face and groan. “Ugh, I’m sorry, Ralph. I shouldn’t have snapped like that, that wasn’t fair. I know you can’t help… That bit. But you can say no to drugs, surely?!” More silence. With a sad sigh, you unlock the door and let Ralph go ahead. “Want me to make you a cup of tea?” You ask, and he nods before running up the stairs.

You kick yourself internally for upsetting Ralph before then arguing with yourself. Why should you be apologising? You were right. It’s your holiday, too, and he should have thought more carefully. You have every right to be upset, yourself. But you’ll forgive Ralph for that, the way you always do, because you already know you’re going to lose him at some point, and that’s going to be painful enough, and if you can put it off for as long as possible, you’re going to. 

He pads back into the kitchen in his pyjamas, looking at you with his big doe eyes as you hand him a hot mug full of tea. “It seems to be the ordinary stuff,” he states, “because it’s only just about affecting me. Same way it always does.”

“Did you… Do it often?” You ask slowly. “To cope with stuff?”

“Heavens, no, it’s no coping mechanism!” He shakes his head. “Cocaine’s always been a staple at Penbury socials. It’s… Acquiring and using it was always the thing people liked having me around for,” he explains quietly as he takes a big sip from his mug. “It barely affects me these days, just makes me… More likeable, I suppose.”

Of course there’s a dreadfully sad story to go along with this. Just more fuel for you to feel bad about snapping at him. You walk over to him and wrap your arms around his shoulders as he continues drinking. “You know how much we all like having you around the way you are, Ralph. I mean, we might be able to make a citizen out of you yet if we just claim you as Scott and his partner’s adopted child!” You joke, and Ralph lets out a small, breathy laugh. 

“It’s… Hard to believe, still. Sometimes. Sorry,” he mutters, leaning down to rest his head against yours.

“You have to trust us, Ralphie,” you squeeze him gently, “that’s part of having friends. You like having us around, right?” He nods violently. “Right! So part of making sure we stay around is knowing we want to. If you don’t trust that people wanna be your friend, they’re gonna assume you don’t want them to be.”

“Is that what Scott and Connor will think of me, now?” he asks sadly.

“Well no, because they don’t know… That, what you’ve just told me.”

Even more quietly, he asks, “…Do you -?”

“Are you really asking me if I want you around?” You ask, raising your eyebrows at him. “Have I not done enough to prove my case there?!”

“More than,” he admits, still quiet. He takes another long sip and asks, “Does the TV here have all the films that we would have back at home?”

“Wanna watch Little Shop of Horrors while you come down?” You ask, amused, as Ralph nods in response. You let him curl up to lay his head on your lap as you both watch the film from the sofa Connor’s been sleeping on, Ralph’s foot tapping against the arm of it along with each song.

The rest of the gang return just before the movie ends, and they’re all happy to see that Ralph looks in relatively good condition. The pair of you retire to the bed soon after. Too tired to change out of your day clothes, you simply crawl into your side and sleep, forgetting to wish Ralph goodnight in your exhaustion.

You all decide that Thursday shall be another day on the pier, with Friday being a packing-up day due to the night out you have planned, so that you don’t have to worry about packing with a hangover and can head back as soon as you’re feeling well enough to on Saturday.

You start the day out in the arcade again, firstly making sure that you, Anna, Grace, Scott and Connor get your annual photos in the booth as per every year for as long as you can remember. You show Ralph and the others photos you have on your phone of reels from years past, to which they take great delight in seeing you all in younger years. “It’s nice to have friends that last,” Ralph smiles, and it makes your heart sink. Comments like that help your brain to justify keeping Ralph around regardless. He needs to be here, with his friends, with the people he loves and who love him. There’s been no major consequence so far. You start to wonder if there ever would be.

You quickly pull yourself from that train of thought, instead opting for the certainty of being out with your friends. Grace pulls Ralph towards the dance mats, itching to teach him, and you allow yourself to stand back with Grace’s boyfriend to watch them. Ralph may stomp on each arrow with such force that the ground shakes beneath you, but there’s no way you can comment on that when his face is lit up that much.

You lose track of him when Connor pulls him away to show him a shooting game, instead opting to go for one of the coin-pushers yourself. It seems as though Ralph also didn’t last long with that particular game, nor does he have the patience to wait for your tactical plays as he starts grabbing coins from your pot and placing them in the slots from behind you excitedly. You giggle uncontrollably as he keeps putting coins in and smugly adding the occasional, “See?” when a whole pile drops.

It’s only when you feel your back collide against his chest that you’re brought back to your senses, and you tug at his arm until you’re standing beside him instead, trying to keep your tone playful with an, “Alright, then, if you wanna play that way, don’t let me stop you!” as you find another game that’s easy ticket fodder.

Eventually, you tell Ralph that it’s time for him to face his ultimate fear, that you’re all going to ride the Crazy Mouse roller coaster. He nods, still agreeing to go on it with you all, though he remains quiet. Once you’re in the line for it, you try and brush your hand against his again to let him know you’re there for him, but he makes no attempt to hold it. You hope it’s because he’s getting braver, but his stoic expression doesn’t exactly give you that impression.

Since today is warmer than the others, none of you had really decided to wear hats today, which makes the state you all end up in after being spun and thrown around the roller coaster track all the more hilarious. Ralph’s curls especially are in full force, sticking up in all directions, which the fans who recognise him today point out a lot. You notice there are more today than ever before and check his name on Twitter to see your suspicions confirmed - people are starting to publicly announce sightings of Ralph in the wild, which is leading to people congregating with the sheer hopes of seeing him out in the wild. You’re not sure how many more of these appearances you can take.

You return to the hook-a-duck stall so that Ralph can proudly show off Clarence to the man running the stall. A young man with a mullet pouts about how he was told that he wasn’t “allowed” to keep a duck, even though it matched the red beanie his friend is wearing even today. The man behind the stall simply explains that Ralph was more charming, to the hat-wearer’s amusement.

You go back to playing more games until the people working the arcade inform you that it’s nearly closing time. All of you band your tickets together and divide them fairly to redeem a prize each, though Ralph insists that he doesn’t get a share. He is more than happy with Clarence alone. If only you’d known sooner that the best way to placate Ralph would be to stick a hook in a rubber duck’s head.

Connor picks a box that contains fuzzy car dice, “for a laugh”. It certainly does raise a lot of laughs when he opens the box to find that the ones he’s ended up with are pink, but he shrugs it off. Scott and his partner pick out as many Pokémon cards as their tickets will allow them to, Grace gets a toy monkey with magnets in its hands and feet while her boyfriend picks out an inflatable guitar. Despite having already won a rather large teddy at the can game the other day, you take pity on another soft toy that clearly looks like it got into a fight with the manufacturer and came out losing, opting to take it home with you. Ralph looks at it fearfully, and you shake it at him jokingly.

Friday holds the weight of being the last full day away. Everything feels as though it's happening in slow motion, that it isn't in real time. It doesn’t entirely help that the day is filled with the mundane act of packing until the real thing to look forward to later tonight, which now feels eons away.

 When it finally reaches lunchtime, you talk the others into getting delivery. “Whatever happened to the ‘we should get out of the house, lazybones’ mentality, eh?” Connor teases.

“Do you feel up to being there while Ralph gets accosted by fans again?” you ask bluntly. “Besides, you should see Twitter today, it’s obsessive,” you pull a face of disgust as you scroll through posts to show your friends.

“These people need Jesus,” pipes up Grace’s boyfriend.

“You said it, babe,” Grace herself adds. “Surprised they haven’t realised he’s staying here and started camping out.” Scott tentatively looks out of the window, but nods in relief to confirm that nobody’s waiting out there.

You decide to make it the feast to end all feasts, each of you ordering food from different places and all sitting amongst your plethora of food to talk about your highlights of the whole trip, compare photos and overall just enjoy each others’ company. Even Ralph seems to perk up, which you’re glad about. He’d been pretty reserved all morning, which makes sense given how dull the day’s events have been, but you’re glad to see that there isn’t something else keeping him quiet.

Finally, the night is upon you. Everyone’s promised that they’ll all be on watch in case anyone tries to approach Ralph, either weird fanatic or potential danger, so that you can just switch off and enjoy your last night before returning to London.

You feel as though you may get to really enjoy it when you catch the attention of a man who’s far from unattractive. He keeps making eye contact with you from where he��s stood at the bar and flashing his eyes in invitation. After a few pep talks with the girls, who seem a little hesitant at first but soon warm to the idea of you having a night where you finally get to flirt and be flirted with, and just get to feel special for a night. And who knows, maybe that’ll be all it is. Maybe you won’t even spend your last night back at the house. After all, what’s a holiday for if not to live totally differently to how you would at home?

When you finally approach the bar, he smirks, “Look who finally made a decision!”

“Look who’s already blowing their shot!” you reply in the same lilted tone, making him laugh. You exchange names and he offers to buy you a drink. This is everything you’ve been needing to fill your confidence gauge - mostly banter, with the occasional ice-breaker question and the more than occasional compliment thrown your way. And honestly, the way he already matches your wit without you constantly needing to explain yourself, or reassure that you’re joking, just makes him even more attractive in the moment.

Ralph watches on from a distance, absolutely seething. Of course, you deserve to be happy. He knows that. He knows that you clearly wouldn’t be happy with him, and that’s why you’ve been keeping him at arm’s length, constantly putting the time travelling situation between you and him. But Ralph absolutely cannot stand to see it happening in front of his eyes. And so, with nothing stopping him, he marches over to you and taps your arm. “Hello!”

Not expecting any interruptions, you jolt, “Jesus, Ralph, you scared the shit out of me! Uh, yeah, this is Ralph, my - flatmate,” you explain.

“That’s right, we live together back at home as well as here!” Ralph beams falsely at the other man. “So, what are we talking about?”

The man laughs awkwardly under his breath as he shuffles in place and you say through gritted teeth, “Uh, Ralph, do you think maybe Connor wants to talk to you?”

“Oh, heavens, no, he’s got a pair of young women on the go himself, the dog!” Ralph scoffs.

“Seems as though two is an awful lot of people for just one of him to manage. Think you could take one off his hands?” you ask, again trying to make it very obvious that you want him to leave.

He doesn’t seem to be taking the hint, though. “Oh, I’d only interrupt them!”

“How terrible that would be.” You deadpan, before addressing the man you’d been talking to. “I’m so sorry, I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll be here,” he tips his glass to you. “Don’t forget, it’s your turn to buy the next round!”

You shoot him a flirtatious smile and grab Ralph’s wrist to tug him away. “Listen, Ralph, mate, I think maybe… You should spend tonight more around one of the others, than with me. Yeah?”

“But what if I slip up and mention something about… The situation at hand?” he asks, gesturing at himself.

You tut exasperatedly, “I dunno, then maybe… Just really try not to bring it up? It’s not that hard, you haven’t done it yet. I just… I really needed this, Ralph. Please?”

“Are you going to leave me in the bed alone tonight?” he asks quietly. Sadly.

You sigh. “I dunno. Maybe? We’re all adults here, Ralph, you’ve spent long enough being able to sleep in my bed by yourself, I’m sure someone else’s won’t be too different.” You find Grace, who’s with her boyfriend and Anna, and park Ralph with all of them before returning to your date for the evening.

Ralph’s only half-listening to whatever everyone else is talking about. His attention is laser-focused on that man. His hair is the same colour as Ralph’s, and it’s curly just like his, but there’s more of it. His eyes are the same colour as Ralph’s, but they’re obscured with glasses. He’s taller than Ralph, and he makes you laugh more than Ralph does, and if the cup he’s holding was made of anything other than glass, Ralph would have certainly squeezed it out of shape by now, if not broken it entirely.

While the girls take a momentary bathroom break, Grace’s boyfriend nudges Ralph. “You alright, mate? You look like the nerves are taking over. Wanna do a couple shots with me? It’ll take the edge off.”

Ralph agrees, hoping that perhaps the blanket of numbness over his brain that only alcohol causes will keep it quiet. Grace’s boyfriend has already paid for the shots when Ralph looks at them in horror. The last time he saw a shot glass filled with clear liquid, it resulted in all kinds of emotions. Still, perhaps it’s another clear spirit. Perhaps it won’t make Ralph feel the way he did that night.

Or maybe this is also vodka, and once both the shots that Ralph takes hit, perhaps he’s on his way back over to you. “Hello, again!”

You look at your date with resignation. He looks back at you with sympathy. It’s him who regards the new third wheel in the conversation, “Alright, mate? Ralph, isn’t it? How you doing?”

Ralph pays him no attention at all. “I fear I have once again gotten myself into a predicament,” he tells you.

“You’re a big boy, I’m sure you can get yourself out of it,” you flash warning eyes at Ralph to get back to literally anyone else.

He shakes his head, “No, no, it’s, um. It’s something you had explained to me. What are the different drinks that make me feel different things, again?”

You hold your hand to your head. “Ralph, mate… Do you feel as if something’s been put in your drink, or…?”

“I’m not sure what that would feel like,” he frowns, “but you know these things better than I do!”

“Here, look,” the man you’d been talking to stands up straight. So tall. “This has been great. Really great. But I think your flatmate needs you tonight, so… I’ll see you around, yeah?”

You shake your head dejectedly. “We literally go back to London first thing in the morning.”

He frowns at you sympathetically. “You’ve got a phone though, right?” You take it out to find that it’s out of battery.

You curse internally, “Knew there was something I forgot to do tonight. I’m so sorry.”

“Well. Perhaps in another time. It was lovely meeting you.” He looks Ralph up and down with a slight look of jealous defeat. “You too, mate,” he adds to Ralph through gritted teeth before stroking your arm once more, letting it linger for as long as possible until he walks away.

Something in you finally snaps. Every part of you is just… So done with Ralph right now. And he has the audacity to perk up again once it’s just the two of you?! “What the fuck was that about, Ralph?!”

“Well, I was just going to say that Grace’s… Gentleman friend had bought me some of those shots and I think they’re the sort that have the effect on me that you remember better than I,” Ralph explains with a slight shrug.

You shake your head. “Nah, nah, there’s more to it than that. I made it very clear that I was hitting it off with him, and I just wanted a night where I could -” You cut yourself off, but Ralph feels the tension, soaking it in himself.

“Oh, go on and get it over with, won’t you?” Ralph asks, once again playing the sad card. “It’s obvious there’s things you want to say to me, just say them to my face, please.”

“Okay, you know that’s not fair when you pull that shit, because then it makes me feel bad when I am allowed to be pissed off at you!” you snap. “You want me to say it to your face?! Alright, how’s about this, then. Having you at my ankles 24/7 is fucking exhausting, Ralph. I can’t even go on one night out and talk to one person that isn’t you, I - I didn’t sign up to be some random guy’s mother -”

“I do not see you like I would Mother!” Ralph defends, offence very obvious in his expression.

“Then why am I the one always cooking for you, always cleaning for you, always fucking working overtime because I’m paying for your bills and your food and your clothes -”

“Because, as you keep telling me, I’m not a real person here!” Ralph hisses through his teeth.

“It’s not just that, though, it’s the attitude that comes with it. You are so used to your little rich boy life that you don’t see how much I’m going through. My back is in constant fucking agony from months on that godawful sofa. I don’t get a single day off to myself anymore. I mean, fuck, you’ve had more dates than I have since you got here! I supported you putting yourself out there, even though it was one of the stupidest risks you could have taken -”

“Well, it’s a good job that didn’t work out then, isn’t it? Because once again, nobody wants anything to do with Ral-”

“Here it is again. I can’t just feel something, you have to also be feeling it twice as hard so that you’re the focus here, I - I can’t have anything for myself anymore!” you shout exasperatedly. “Not even one night where for once, I get to feel wanted. I - y’know, everyone fucking falls at their feet for you, you’ve even had people ask you out while we’re here! And nothing was stopping you if you wanted to! But the moment I want to indulge in the idea that maybe someone out there would show an interest in me -”

Ralph scoffs, “That man was only interested in one thing to do with you, and it’s much too vulgar. You deserve to be courted in the appropriate -”

“We’re not in the 1920s anymore, Ralph!” You press your fingers to your temples. “It’s not a bad thing for someone to just… Want you like that. And even then, let’s hash this out. Let’s say I could have been courted by him. You think someone like that is gonna think I’m worth sticking around for when I’ve got another man constantly in my shadow, fighting for my attention? I mean, fuck, what are you gonna do without me when you go back, eh?”

“Ah, again with the going home!” Ralph’s voice is audibly slurring by now. “It’s all you ever want to talk about with me, just tell me the truth already, it’ll hurt less. Tell me you can’t wait to be rid of me.”

“For fuck’s sake, Ralph, I don’t want you gone! Far fucking from it! But I’m not gonna mess with shit we know nothing about, and putting everything back where it was is logically the best thing to do.”

Ralph looks on the verge of crying. “So, that’s it, then. I’m not even worth a -one, I’m just a -thing now.”

“No, that’s not -” You take a deep breath. “Look. We’re going off on tangents that don’t even make fucking sense now. I’m going back to the house. To the bed, don’t worry your fragile little head, I’m not gonna go stand on a street corner like the harlot I am,” you pull a face, blinking back your own tears. “Thank you for ruining the one week a year I actually look forward to.”

You storm away from Ralph, though you find most of the group congregated together at the bar. You stop by them to explain that you and Ralph got into a fight, that you don’t want to talk about it but could they please just make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. They promise that they will, and so you head out of the bar, straight into one of the parked taxis and finally let yourself cry as it drives you back to the house.

next chapter

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