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angelltheninth · 11 months

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Omg wait your genshin hcs of like your kids interrupting you while you’re making out triggered some shit in me lmao.

If you can, can you do like them as like fathers in general like how they would be with their kid and like through pregnancy and delivery and shit cause like AAAAH

(Also is it possible to join your tag list and if so how cause I absolutely love your writing <3)

I can write that, absolutely, and also add you to my taglist.

Pairing: Kaeya, Diluc, Itto, Thoma, Childe, Pantalone, Dottore, Tighnari, Zhongli x Fem!Reader

Tags: fluff, established relationship, kissing, pregnancy, massage, cuddles, affirmations

A/N: I think most of these guys would be great dads to your kid!

Dad!Kaeya is really nervous to become a real dad. Yes he's been good with your kid but when you told him you were pregnant he panicked a little. He knows that you're happy, and he's happy but he's also nervous about actually raising a baby from infancy. When he married you your kid was really happy to have him as a dad because he was so sweet and fun, so both you and your kid feel like he'll do a great job.

Dad!Diluc loves that he's gonna be a dad. He takes care of you very well through your pregnancy but really freaks out when you go into labor. In the tavern no less. He's never panicked so hard in his life and never ran so fast in his life. The man stayed up all night until he could see you and the baby, almost collapsing into the chair once he knows you're both okay. As a dad though he's very attentive, bent on teaching the kid right from wrong very early on in their life and only a little strict but making up for it with his vigilante stories which he disguises as a fairy tail about a hero from long ago.

Dad!Itto is amazing with kids, he always was so when he has kids of his own you bet that he's gonna be the best and most fun dad. He was a little worried at first because he didn't know how a human's body would handle an oni baby but you took it pretty well. There wasn't a time he wasn't by your side, running errands, getting ready to meet the kid, hyping himself up, sometimes while talking against the baby bump. The moment he saw the tiniest red horns he's ever seen he absolutely melted and started crying.

Dad!Thoma is a very attentive dad and pretty excited to have a second kid. He was running around with the kid on his shoulders when you called him to the bedroom and told him the news. He reacted with the biggest kiss and running back out to tell your kid they're gonna have a sibling, they're gonna get to be the cool big sibling soon! Knows very well the things you will crave in your pregnancy and was surprised when the kid picked up on it too, tagging along when he needed to run errands for you.

Dad!Childe was excited at first but as the due date approached he got a bit doubtful of his ability to be a dad. He's always on missions and while that might work with you since you were able to come with him on most of them he can't exactly bring a baby to a mission. Because of this he starts to decrease the amount of missions he accepts the closer you get to your due date. That way he gets to spend more time with you and he doesn't have to suddenly stop going on missions and raise suspicion. When he does go on missions he at least makes sure to bring you both something from it, almost like he was away on a business trip.

Dad!Pantalone can fill a whole library from the amount of books he's bought on parenting in the last few months. He can never be too prepared for a kid. Very hesitant at the start because the baby is so small he's honestly scared of hurting it. No way he can resist holding it though when you lay it on his chest and cuddle up next to him, asking him to read a book like he used to do for you when you were stressed about things. Well the only books he has in hands reach are about parenting so guess you get to learn together.

Dad!Dottore already can't wait to make the next one and the first one has barely arrived. It almost seems like he's more excited about the baby making process then actually being a dad, which you could have guessed by the many times he's complimented your appearance while you were pregnant. Well if he wants another kid he needs to prove he can handle this one first. Of course he can, he's a brilliant man, one kid is nothing! Or so he thought before it was running all over his lab and causing unwanted chaos.

Dad!Tighnari is really happy to become a dad and is already looking into decorating the baby room and babyproofing the house. Trust him, even if the kid will be part human it will bite everything it sees, he was the exact same. You sure had some weird cravings while you were pregnant but hey he won't judge... much. Oh he has to tease a little, you're cute when you try to catch him with your belly so round. When the kid arrives he already knows he'll have his hands full until you recover but he's not worried, he'll take the kid out on some light patrols and tire them out in no time at all.

Dad!Zhongli has never been a dad until this point so its a bit of a learning curve. Having lived such a long life he knows you'll need his assistance during pregnancy and he is ready to be there every step of the way, kissing you, telling you you're beautiful when you think you look bloated or massaging you when your joints hurt. As far as being a dad goes he doesn't really know how to handle that, making the kid cry a few times because of his shining eyes lighting up when the kid would pull on his dragon tail. Over time he used that to distract the kid while feeding them their meals, using his dragon nature to his advantage.

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violet-fluff · 5 months

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💙 Levi x Injured! Reader

Stay Awake

You were originally part of Hanji’s squad, but with your excellent 3D maneuvering skills, Erwin had you switched over to Levi’s squad as they need only the best on the front lines.

You and Levi were already good friends as you both trained with each other during your youth time in the scouts. Now that you are with him twenty-four seven on his squad though, the both of you have become inseparable.

“You two might as well just hook up.” Oluo sneered as he drinks from his water pouch.

Petra squeezes the bottom of the pouch, causing water to rapidly spurt into Oluo’s mouth, making him choke. “Stop being stupid, and don’t talk dirty about your Captain and squad mates.”

You laugh but continue to pour hot water into two tea cups. Before bed, you and Levi liked to chat over tea. “Thanks, Petra. And for your information Oluo, Levi and I are just great friends. We’ve known each other since you were still a child most likely.”

“How romantic. The perfect beginning to a beautiful love story.” Gunther chimes in jokingly causing Eld to cover his grin.

You roll your eyes and finish fixing up your tea tray. “Well I’m headed out for the night. Goodnight everyone.”

“Don’t forget to add that love potion in his tea.” Gunther shouts, causing Petra to yell at him and the rest of your snickering squad.

“These guys are too much.” You whisper to yourself, half annoyed and half tender as you still love these bozos to death.

Making it to Levi’s office, you notice his door cracked open. A small quirk Levi does so you can easily open the door with your foot while holding the teas.

You swivel the door open with your foot and smile as Levi looks up at you from his desk. “It’s about time you got here.”

“Sorry,” You say and place the tray down on his desk, “I got caught up with Oluo and the other two being idiots again. Petra helped me cut it short.”

“Hm,” Levi grunts and starts to fix his tea, “What were they being stupid about?”

You blush and look down to fix your own. “Nothing. Just stupid guy talk I guess.”

Levi watches your face go red from embarrassment. “If they said anything stupid to you I’ll beat their asses.”

You laugh softly. “Don’t worry about it. Anyway, are you ready for tomorrow? You should get some sleep tonight.”

Levi huffs and looks down at his blue print. “We have the perfect formation down. Everything should go fine if everyone sticks to it.”

“And by everyone, you mean Erwin?” You ask while eyeing him from the rim of the tea cup as you take a sip.

“That bastard better not change anything last minute out on the field this time. He nearly got Hanji’s squad killed.” Levi grimaces on the memory.

“I’m sure with the earful he heard from both you and Hanji, he won’t do it again.”

Levi clicks his tongue. “I hope so. Is your 3D gear back from the shop yet? I can get you a new one.”

You wave him off as you lean back in the chair. “No it’s ok. Keep the new ones brand new. I’m sure mine will be done by tomorrow. I don’t think it needs that much fixing anyway.”

“It doesn’t need that much fixing?” Levi asks with a raised brow. “Your grapple wouldn’t shoot out a few times. It nearly caused you to fall.”

Levi was always protective over you. When you opted to get your gear fixed instead of replaced, he didn’t like the idea very much.

“The trigger is just faulty, not completely broken. It probably just needs to be rewired.”

He clicks his tongue. “You’re testing that shit out once you get it back. I don’t care if everyone has to wait.”

You smile but agree to ease his mind.

——

The next morning everyone is suiting up and gathering their horses when a cadet comes and brings you your gear.

“Y/N, right? The technician had to take another job, so he told me to bring you your fixed gear.” They say while handing you the bulking metal.

“Oh! Perfect!” You thank the cadet and strap the gear to your harness, but freeze when you hear someone clear their throat behind you.

You turn around to see Levi with his arms crossed and you roll your eyes. “Yes, I know the drill…”

The two of you walk towards a tree line and you position yourself to a tree farther away. Turning on the gas cans, you pull the trigger and your grapple shoots out to latch on the tree, pulling you to it. “It works!” You shout to Levi with a thumbs up.

He stares at you, still skeptical as his gut doesn’t have the best feeling, but if he saw with his own eyes your gear working correctly then there should be nothing to worry about.

—-

The mission starts to finally come to an end after a grueling six hours. You all need to clear the designated areas outside of the walls as the government wanted to expand the outer notch of Wall Maria.

In the distance, you see an abnormal titan.

“Ahh, the last titan of the day.” Oluo yawns.

You shoot a red flare in the air, signaling to Hanji’s squad a mile behind you that there is an abnormal ahead.

“Y/N and I will handle this one. The rest of you lay behind.” Levi orders as you two snap at your horses to run faster.

“I’ll get its attention as you cut the nape?”

Levi nods. “Sounds like a plan.”

You stand on your horse and shoot your 3D gear into a nearby tree and fly past the abnormal. It quickly swings its arm at you, but you wrap around the tree and dodge it’s first attempt.

“Wow it’s fast.” You say to yourself and you hover in the air for a second.

It swings at you a second time so you quickly push on your trigger to shoot out another grapple, but the trigger stalls.

You anxiously push on the trigger more as you start falling, and your eyes widen as you see a giant arm in your vision. You scream when you feel it impact with your body and you go flying into a tree before falling and hitting the ground.

You were conscious enough to feel one, maybe more, of your limbs twist and the pressure of yourself hitting the ground making your ears ring before seeing black.

“Oh my god! Y/N!!”

“Petra! Don’t touch her!”

You are able to faintly hear your friends next to you, causing you to muster up enough strength to barely open one eye and fuzzily watch as they loom over you.

Petra has tears coming out of her eyes as Oluo holds her back.

“Captain! Don’t!” You hear Eld yell.

Suddenly, you feel the upper half of your body being lifted and your arms falling back behind you as you don’t have the strength to move them. Someone grabs your face and turns your head towards them.

It’s Levi.

You can barely make out his face.

“God-dammit! Look at me!” He says through gritted teeth, shaking your face with his hand. “Say something!”

Hanji’s squad catches up and she jumps off her horse before it even stops. “Hey!? What happened?!”

Levi is still holding your body tightly against him and trying to shake you awake. “She won’t get up!”

Hanji notices Levi is in a great state of distress, and notices the back of your head wet with blood.

She slowly kneels down next to Levi and squeezes his shoulder. “Levi, let’s put her down for a second, ok? I’ll…I’ll help her.”

Levi looks down at your disheveled face but nods and slowly lowers you back to the ground.

All of your senses are blurry and fuzzy, but you feel someone open your eye more and then force the other one to open for a split second before letting it close again.

“Her pupils are different sizes. I’m sure she just has a concussion. A bad one, but something she can heal from.”

Hanji has Moblit wrap your head in a bandage while she examines the rest of your body. “She has a broken arm and a sprained ankle. I’m not sure if her ribs are fractured. That’s something I’ll have to check back at base.”

Levi was seething with rage. “That idiot technician was supposed to fix her gear. I want him fucking dead.”

“Let’s not get too hasty right now, Levi. Let’s make sure Y/N is taken care of first.” Hanji says as she tries to calm him down.

You senses start to come back a little more as you start waking up from your black out and you hear Levi yelling.

“L-Lev…” You try to mutter out his name.

Levi quickly hovers back over you. “Y/N? Can you look at me?”

You weakly open your other eye slowly and see Levi in double vision.

“That’s good. I need you to stay awake.” He orders you.

“Hurt…” You squeak out.

Levi sighs. “I know, but we’re taking you home, ok?”

While Hanji was checking you over earlier, Gunther shot a black flare signaling a formation was down. This causes an emergency team to come assess the situation and they bring along a wagon of supplies.

They would use this wagon to haul you back to base as a horse would be too bumpy of a ride.

Levi sits in the wagon, holding you across his lap and talks with you to try to keep you awake.

“Hanji said you’re not allowed to sleep with a concussion, brat, so stay awake for me.” He orders as he moves hair out of your face.

“What…happen?” You try to ask but the more you start waking up, the more dizzy your head feels.

“Don’t worry about that right now.”

All you wanted to do was take a long nap. You start to close your eyes and drift off when you were snapped back as Levi shook your cheek a bit.

“Hey, I said stay awake. Why don’t you tell me what you use for my tea. You never told me.” He asks to try to keep you busy.

“The tea…I put lavender…” You tell him.

He furrows his brows. “Just lavender? Is that a secret ingredient?”

You manage to give a tiny smile. “Yes.”

—-

A few days pass by and you are now fully awake but still admitted in the medical clinic on base.

“When can I leave?” You huff at Levi.

“When the doctor says you can.” He scolds.

The doctor said you had quite the concussion and wants to monitor you for a few days. Along with the concussion, you went through the pain of them trying to realign your broken leg and wrap your sprained ankle. Luckily your ribs weren’t fractured but you did develop deep bruising all over your body.

“Don’t make a fuss about leaving. You’ll be bed ridden in your room anyway.” Levi says.

You roll your eyes. “But I’d rather be bed ridden in the comfort of my room than in the medical clinic.” You grab his hand. “Levi…you don’t need to stress anymore. I’m fine.”

He scoffs. “How can I not stress when some idiot technician didn’t do his job. He almost got you killed. How can I even trust the others?”

The technician that was supposed to fix your gear forgot to, and instead of saying so, he lied and said the gear was fixed. In his head, corps members going outside the walls were as good as dead anyway.

He was promptly fired…after getting a major ass whooping from Levi.

You frown as well as scrunch your eyebrows in anger. “Kiss me.”

Levi’s eyes widened as he stared at you in silence. “What did you say?”

You grunt and hold your arm as you sit up more. “I almost died without telling my feelings for you. Since I’m still alive, I want to tell you them. But first, I want you to kiss me.”

Levi stared at you longer, contemplating what to do in his head, before he leans forward and puts his lips against yours. You sigh contently against his lips as you grab a hold of the front of his shirt, and he grabs the back of your neck to deepen the kiss.

After a few moments, you feel Levi’s lips quiver and a wetness on his cheek.

Levi pulls away and leans his forehead against yours. “I thought you were going to die.” He chokes out, tears falling down his cheeks.

You wipe away his tears and hold his face. “Well I didn’t. I’m here with you and I’ll always stay by you. I live for you.”

Levi smiles and kisses you again. “I live for you too.”

#attack on titan #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #levi aot #levi attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

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sanzaibian · 6 days

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Which writers do you recommend ? What stories did you like?

I follow quite a bit of creators, so it would be quite overwhelming to include all of them ! So I'll only include those I especially like and have things to say about.

I'll of course shoutout @joshslater, he's honestly a bit of an idol to me, since his stories are always so imaginative - and well-written ! In that category I also add @salmonskinrolltf of which I especially like the multi-parters, and how he explores a gimmick very thoroughly, @maletfsstories who always write great stories that hook me up even on kinks I don't have, and @rozza22365 who basically was the one to introduce me to the guilty pleasure of gay to straight by his thrilling prose !

I'll also shoutout the very prolific @papermoon357 (because, let's be honest, who wouldn't !), whose skill really shines in the stories he posts between captions, @fredwkong and @octuscle who both have a similar style of reader-driven posting that brings a ton of varied content, with each their own spin (thinking about it, it might very well be in the continuation of the style of feu collegenerdtojock, whose tumblr has been taken over by pastry for some reason), as well as @coyotes-rules-of-change who always nails down perfectly what I find hot in tf !

And for newer writers, I'll shoutout @occamstfs who does an extremely good job, @tidetfs who seems to have pretty similar interests as me, and @alphajocklover who kinda does have that old tumblr tf community vibe to his stories !

Finally, a few mentions that I don't know how to group, I shoutout @dreamingtf and his stories that very often make me feel good, @idesofrevolution who has a nack of writing immersive stories, and @nonotnolan who writes some really sweet love stories ^^ (and I'll add an honorable mention to Programming Prince, who was banned multiple times from Tumblr, and since quit writing stories, but was very impactful in my introduction to the community ^^)

As for stories, well, you make me dig deeper, the list has already been so long to write ! But here are some of my all-time favorites, of which I link through my likes/main blog (so that if the link perishes, it perishes with that account ^^') :

@fullfriendnerdpurse's trio of alpha car, forced imposter and how to make a douchebag (not the actual title), all are great concepts of which I love to throw myself inside, and I think could all make a thrilling longer story, @rozza22365's Brotherly Changes, that one story that convinced me to follow him, @alphajocklover's Unmoved, which resonates with my personnal experiences a lot, feu tyranitartf's I'm a dumb jock, very hypnotic and thrilling, @anomanlyarchives' text message swap (not the actual title), of which I love the love story, I-don't-remember-whom's Chess Rival, republished by @marcoh1234, a good all classic that just doesn't get old, @erogenousmind's Turing, one of those stories that just scratches my existential horror erotica itch, @0ng0ingw0rk's To Love and to Cherish..., a great love story, @joshslater's Wet Dreams, the story I blame for my diaper fetish, Happy Endings' The Mind Palace (gayspiralstories), honestly my favorite story of all times, I love the concept, love the execution, the sweetness and the corruption. I do an RP on it (or at least did until I took a break), and I think that's the one concept I won't be bored of ^^'

There's a buch of other stories I love and would love to show off better, but that list is already long enough, so I focused on the most impactful stories ^^'

#ask #q&a

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tiredgoodomensfan · 23 days

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Fuck it we ball fanfic time. Gn reader x lars pinfield WOO

Okay WOO lmk if this is shit or ooc or anything, but im pretty happy with how this went :D its a little rushed, might redo it in the future idk. Also i made Y/N bit too much like me (northern) so watch out for that american readers SORRYYY. anwyays enjoy!

I am smart.

No don't laugh, I am, genuinely I am.

Maybe not in the way that others deem important, maybe not in the traditional sense, but I am bright.

Pinfield doesn't think so, the prick.

Every day I come into work, all smiling and welcoming, and what do I get in return? A roll of the eyes if I'm lucky.

Dickhead.

But I don't let him get to me, I love my job. My boss is chill, I love hanging out with Lucky, and the Spenglers seem nice! It's a good gig, really.

I'm the "PR guy" for Ghost Corps. Every time they fuck up and destroy a building or whatever I'm the one who covers it up. I'm a real smooth talker, 'gift of the gab' my mum used to call it.

The team needs me, I know that, they know that. Im crucial to the whole operation, the sole reason why that whiny mayor dude hasnt shut them down.

I'm the one who goes to press interviews, who goes on the radio or on TV. I'm the social media manager, I make videos, and post tweets, fuck I've even started a Ghostbusters youtube account! I deserve a raise honestly. #justiceforY/NthePRguy

I get on with everyone at work except for Pinfield, and I genuinely dont know why.

I've tried getting him to feature in videos, or explain the science of stuff to me so I can actually seem like I know what I'm talking about- but he just brushes me off.

Gary tries to reassure me about this on a daily basis. "Its nothing to do with you Y/N" he smiled one day, putting a hand on my shoulder and guiding me away from the busy scientist. "He doesnt really talk to anyone, he gets really passionate about his work"

"I get that, but there's no need for him to be a dick to me, he's got me thinking all kinds of shit honestly!" I replied, exhasperated "I've never done nowt to him"

Suddenly, Pinfield raised his head from his work, scrunching his eyebrows together. "thats a double negative" he commented, looking at me as if I was stupid. Great, It's the most he's ever spoken to me and its a fucking insult- atleast I think it is.

"you what?" I ask, making my way over to him despite Garys protests. I fold my arms, looking as menacing as i can (which ive been told isn't very menacing at all)

"I said its a double negative, if you've never done nothing then you must've done something" before I can reply, he adds onto the end "which you haven't, by the way. I dont know why you think that. I treat you the same as anyone else"

I can't explain why his answer bothers me so much, but it does. Why does he view me in the same way he views the others? That's hardly fair. I'm always welcoming to him, I make time out of my day to include him in things. I hate to admit it, but I genuinely admire him aswell. His love for all things paranormal, the way he gets so excited and proud when he gets to explain the science of ghost-catching to someone. It's oddly endearing.

I tell him as much (excpet for the stuff about him being endearing, he doenst need his ego inflated any more than it already is)

He looks confused, I've never seen him look like that- its weird. Arrogant? sure. Annoyed? when is he not bffr. Happy? Once or twice. But confused? Weird. This is the guy with all the answers, the smart one.

He thinks for a moment, before seemingly making a desision. He stands up with a small huff of exhasperation, and walks off.

As he goes past me, he grabs my arm, more gently than I thought he was capable of. Okay, i guess im coming too. Fun, roadtrip time.

He takes me out of the lab and down the corridor, into a relatively well lit small room.

"Well this is-" before i can speak properly, he cuts me off. Told you he was a prick.

"I dont understand you Y/N" he blurts out, looking at me, as if I'm some sort of specimin hes studying in the lab.

"Well good." I joke. I dont like the serious tone he's taking. Dont like how aware I am of his gaze. HATE the fact I can feel my cheeks burning. Gross. Pinfield is a dick, we've established this. Why the fuck am I BLUSHING because he's LOOKING at me? Bit embarassing, pull it together Y/LN.

He doenst like this though. He shakes his head, pacing around.

"No Y/N you dont get it. I understand everyone, sort of anyways. I've observed them, I can predict their reactions to things. I know what they're all like- but you're... I just dont understand! You're so happy and nice all the time, but you also get angry at stupid stuff, but never really properly angry? I cant make sense of it, genuinely. You've not done anything wrong, you can't do anything wrong. Thats frustrating too. It's like you're this perfect, beautiful person, and I've been trying to see flaws but I cant-" He rambles, speaking like hes just letting out one stream of constant thoughts. He seems stressed, poor guy.

I interupt him, grabbing his arm. "Hey, c'mon Pinfi- I- Lars. C'mon Lars. I'm not worth the stress mate" I try and reassure him, but that just agitates him more.

"See! That's just it! I've been horrible to you, I admit it. But you've kept trying with me! When I hurt my hand you were the one who bandaged it and put it in a sling"

(i had found him almost blacked out from the pain on the lab floor, even the memory of it sent a shiver down my spine)

"you were the only one that looked for me after we all nearly died fighting Garraka"

("Pinfield? Pinfield!? Oh my god, there you are! Thank fuck you're alright!" Okay maybe this tiny non-crush had been going on longer than i thought... christ)

"I dont like the thought of you hurt..." i muttered, embarrased. this definitely wasnt how i was expecting this conversation to go, fuck my life I was crushing on a nerdy scientist who defintely didn't like me back.

He stopped his pacing and walked over to me until the gap between us was non existant. He slowly, hesitantly, lifted his hand until he cupped my cheek.

"I don't like the thought of you upset because of me" he muttered, his voice low.

My heart completely stopped, my breath caught in my throat, was this happening? how was this happening? i swear this guy was like my mortal enemy not even 5 minutes ago. so many revelations were bieng made today...

I decided to be bold, why not? fuck it, i've got nothing to loose at this point.

I leaned in so our noses just grazed eachother, looking at him, really genuinely looking at him. his soft blue eyes that seemed to peer into my soul. Not pierce through it, like some weird blue eyed fuckers i knew, but looked. gently, tenderly, as if he was looking at everything i ever had been, or would be. like i was something beautiful, something to be treaured.

It made me want to sob at the thought. god, how disgustingly sweet.

"make up for it then" i whispered, the tension so thick i could cut it with a knife.

I'd planned on being the one to make the forst move, but apparently, that was all that Lars needed.

He kissed me. His soft lips pressed against mine, sotfly, tenderly, tentatively.

I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him, so i quickly reciprocated. More eagerly than i owuldve liked- but oh well.

I could feel his hand resting on my waist, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. It all felt so tender, so raw, not at all how i thought it would be.

I felt like a teenager again, and couldnt resist letting out a small giggle, making Lars pull away. He looked confused again, making me laugh once again.

"What?" he aksed, a sort of amused smile on his face.

"Nothing- sorry. Nothing at all. Just thinking of how fuming mums gonna be when i tell her ive got a posho for a boyfriend"

"I am NOT posh!"

"you are a littleee"

"I AM NO- wait- boyfriend?"

"oh shit didnt mean to say that bi-"

he cut me off with another kiss, this one much more confident.

It felt like a million fireworks were going off in my head, oh I could definetly get used to this feeling. This war, sweet, happy feeling. My senses were flooded with everything Lars. His taste, his smell, his touch.

I felt like I was learning to live again.

#AAAA #lars pinfield #james acaster #fanfic #ghostbusters frozen empire #lars pinfield x reader #gn reader #should prolly add more tags but its 2 am im tired #nightnight everyone #lmk what you think

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azsazz · 3 months

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Little off topic but which sjm character do you think is best in bed?

Hm, this is a great question but also a very difficult one because i think that each character can be so different...

apparently i've decided to make a comprehensive list of all of their sex lives so enjoy lol. it's long as fuck. I tried to put them in order of personally who i think would be the best to the "worst" (this is just my opinion its cool if your roster differs):

i'm getting the vibes that rowan might be the most well rounded in a bedroom scenario. he can definitely be dominating if you've had a busy day and just need to be fucked. he can manhandle you into any position he wants, whisper filthy things in your ear while he fucks you deep. you're a sopping wet mess for him, cunt clenching and back arched when he commands you to cum. like i can't picture, say, dorian or chaol doing this kind of thing...personally. but i also think he's so sweet that he would be the aftercare king. there's also instances where i can see him being so kind and gentle, or if you're wanting to give him a ride or try something new, he's the best person for that.

az is also high up on the list because obviously. i think he can both be dominating and gentle, adventurous and soft. he knows exactly what you need when you need it, not because he's so attuned to your bond, but also because of his shadows. you're having a bad day? let him fuck it out of you. you're angry? he'll let you tear his skin with your nails, bite him, ride him to expel all of that negative energy on his cock. then you'll be all pliant and soft again while he cradles you to his chest. feel like you're two seconds from bursting into tears? he'll go nice and slow, wiping the tears that escape your eyes while you're overwhelmed with emotions and stuffed full with his cock.he knows your limits and he might tease that line sometimes, but he wouldn't ever cross it because your safety comes first.

let's see...sex with cassian is always a good time. he's so confident that it makes you squirm. and he's not afraid to try new places. you won't even make it to your room at the end of the date, cassian's pressing you up against the foyer wall and lifting your skirt to shove his cock into you because you've been teasing him all night with that fucking dress. i think he's so confident that he'll let you do anything, try anything. you want to peg him? he's already on his knees for you. you want to add a third? he's already calling out to azriel or nesta or anyone who has your attention. you're not afraid to tell him anything, ask him anything in regards to the bedroom because he's that caring.

rhysand, well, we all know what he's all about. they don't call him high lord for nothing. and those fuckin mind powers can drive you nuts, though, i know rhysand doesn't like to use them all of the time, because he's worried if he does it too much it will skew your reality and memories, and fuck, he needs you to remember the way he's fucking into you the way you're screaming for him. he often allows you into his own head, to share what he's feeling. it's almost like you know what it feels like to be dipping your hot cock into your own cunt, and down that open a realm of possibilities in the bedroom. also, that silver tongue we know so well does an excellent job against your clit, whispering encouraging words as you reach your crest. rhys has moves that no other character has and that puts him pretty high on the list.

eris i think can be a really soft lover that can fucking go for days. he's addicted to you in every meaning of the word. he could eat you out all night, fuck you until you're a weeping mess for him. but he hates seeing you cry, yet that raw feeling deep down in his chest has him torn, because he never wants to stop. he's soft because no one has ever been soft on him, except you. on the other hand, eris has a temper. we know this. when he's in a mood, he will not hesitate to go rough on you, bending you over his desk, the war plans covered by your body as he fucks you and fucks you hard. had a run in with his father that put him in a shit mood? he's taking it out on your pussy. had to go meet with the night court and cassain made a snarky comment that hit a little too close to home? he's fucking you so hard you don't have the breath to question why he's in such a mood.

lorcan my hate-fucking king. he's grumpy as fuck, knows what he wants. gives me major ghost vibes (iykyk). he'll take what he wants from you whenever he wants but he won't leave you without a few orgasms yourself. he's not as vocal, grunting and using his large hands to move you how he likes, guide your hips while you're riding his cock, a palm flat across your back that he presses into to make you arch for him more. gods, the way he fucking manhandles you because who can compare to this mans sheer size? he's hung as fuck, and he spends a lot of time stretching your cunt for him. it's not often that he forgets, but if he does it feels like you're being split in fucking half on his cock. you may have suffered some internal bleeding somewhere down the line because he went a little too hard with a little less prep than you were used to.

ruhn is another confident male who knows exactly what he's doing in bed. he's a player, cocky, arrogant, thinks he has you wrapped around his little finger but it's quite the opposite. he's the one that's had to chase you, and oh wow, was that fun. when you finally reach the point where he can show you what he's got, there's no going back. he's all over you from that point on. you're walking across town? he's right next to you. you're at one of his parties and didn't tell him you were coming? well, you little tease, he's just going to have to punish you for that, pulling you into a closet or bathroom for a quickie even though his bedroom is literally right upstairs. he's always got his hands on you, ready to spread your legs and feat or dunk his cock into you like some horny teenager whenever he wants. he's always hard for you.

lucien is hard for me to figure out, and i'm not really sure where he'd fall on the list because i don't think i have his personality down. i love that he would be so sarcastic and snarky, making little quips to both annoy you and turn you on. he's knows what he's doing, letting those long fingers brush across your exposed skin. he's teasing you the entire way through it; a brush of a knuckle against your swollen clit, a tease of his tongue in the same manner. just the head of his cock resting at the very opening of your cunt, hot and needy for you. it's torture for him too, but to see you squirming like this, gods, he'll hold off his own orgasm for ages to see you like this.

aedion i bet would be killer in bed. he gives me lucien vibes a bit, with the sexy comments that brush across your skin like his skilled tongue. i feel like he's really open with his sex life, not in the sense where he's telling everyone what noises you make in bed or how when he lifts your leg at a certain angle, you scream so much louder for him, but he makes it clear when he's hungry for you. at dinner, he openly looks at you through lowered, lazy lids. the lust oozes from him and everyone at the table knows that he's going to be taking you back to his bed as soon as that last bite leaves your plate.

hunt is just a good man. kinda makes me want to cry a little bit. he's definitely a giver, isn't worried at all about himself until he's thoroughly taken care of you. uses his wings to his advantage, letting the soft feathers brush across your hard nipples. his hands are strong, calloused from wars, but the way that they're gentle, scraping across your skin has you in a frenzy. i know hunt has the best thighs (besides cassian), and his ass is amazing too.

fenrys. my mans. he loves anything wild and free, so i have the feeling that sex with him would be much the same. i think that he's been through some horrible things, torturous things, so he'd never tease you to the point of tears, because that's just not him. sex with fen is fun, easygoing. you don't have to think hard about anything because it's naturally good.

dorian i gotta say is not super high on my list either. for the phantom hands alone he'd be a great lay. it might be a little overwhelming, but they definitely come in handy (haha). i can see him being a little arrogant, though he sees it as confidence. he's a prince, gets what he wants when he wants and that's no different with you. oh, how he loves how obedient you are for him, those pretty lips wrapped around his cock while he lies back, watching you with those sapphire eyes. but when you're really in a mood not to listen, gods, it makes him harder than a rock. when you're being a little bratty, he loves fucking that out of you until you're clinging to him again, begging him to let you cum.

tharion im not too sure about either. i like how funny he seems to be, and he also seems really open about his sexual prowess. i think he knows his way around a pussy and a cock, he's open to trying anything. he also seems like a giver...like i can picture you down by the marina hiding between boats, your ass perched precariously on the edge of the dock while he eats you out from the water. anyone can see, but tharion is just that convincing, needing to taste you right then or there, not caring that he could easily drag you down into the waters below. he likes the thought of someone finding you like this, all whiny and messy from his tongue.

chaol's probably further down the list. he is a man of order, he follows the rules to a t. you know what you're getting when you take him to bed, but that doesn't mean it isn't good sex. that's why you've chosen him. he knows what he's doing, and although he might not be as adventurous as some of the other characters, he knows his way around your body so that you're never dissatisfied.

ithan...i'm sorry, i just really can't picture him that well. i know that i wrote a breeding kink for him but the entire time i was like "this isn't him this isn't him." i can't help but to think of ithan as like a 19 year old lol (ik, he's 22). i don't think it would be awkward sex, but i do think that he has the potential to be a soft lover. he gives me the vibes of cocky college students but sweet on his girl.

#ask azsazz #azsazz #acotar #tog #cc #sjm men

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aerkame · 10 months

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Just noticed we weren't giving enough attention to Finfolk Wally'(cause Howdy is just so fkabfoenodj) so is there any fun facts you can share about Finfolk Wally?

You are so right, I have not been giving the star of the island any attention at all! Even though I still think Howdy is a very handsome dude-

It is no secret at all the most if not ALL finfolk are vain with their looks. This is based on the lore surrounding the reason they have such an obsession with marrying humans.

Wally is especially careful with styling his hair and picking the best outfit each day to match. Sure, he might wear the same suit a lot or just the same suit in another color, but sometimes he likes to mix things up and wear his down. It's something between being wavy and curly. Usually he lets Julie style it if it's down since she's used to it from her job on the mainland. He even wears seashells and other ocean-themed accessories in it!

Being vain will of course mean he wears makeup (surprisingly). Usually it's just eyeliner and light eye shadow though to really make his eyes stand out.

However...

May whatever god you pray to save you if you so much as ruin his hair. You will NOT come out of that unscathed. Even Sally thinks Wally tends to go too far when he's angered at someone. Though she can't say much considering she's the same way if you ruin her claws nails.

Obviously he's got a giant ego to match. If you really want to hurt him, aim for his ego. But then again, that will probably land you 6 feet under.

He isn't the violent type, much. It's just finfolk nature when it comes down to it. Most finfolk are even considered evil at birth when compared to other creatures. The residents of Home might be a bit different from the rest though. They can be truly kind...only to each other or anyone else that lives on the island. Just about everyone else on the outside are given the fake smiles and double-edged kindness.

Wally of course is second to the most "kindest" of them all. Poppy being the first and genuinely kindest.

When on mainland, he'll put up a friendly and welcoming 'can-do' attitude for others when really he just wants to punt whichever puppet dares to step in front of him. Usually if he is so well disguised not even other finfolk know it's him Wally will really let his aggressive nature take over. But that's wishful thinking. He's usually stuck with being an on-off art teacher for college and elementary students (he hates rowdy teens with a burning passion). Usually seeing the adorable children in a classroom is what brings out a rare calmness in him. He took note that children have the same effect on Howdy. Perhaps he wanted to be a father too.

He hopes to be a dad one day, but for now, seeing kids be happy to go wild with paint is all he needs.

When Wally returns to Home he always spills the tea while sipping literal tea. He likes his wine, but tea is the most beloved by him. Sometimes Wally will even add in drops of a potion that he and Howdy had brewed together. It's usually stress relief or magical enhancers.

It's when he meets you on the mainland does the thought of kids come up again. He rarely ever has a tolerance to puppets outside of Home, but you? How could he ever pass up the chance to get the perfect life? No longer does he have a fake smile around others, and no longer is he as aggressive as he was before. It's like what happened to Eddie when he met Frank. He loves you so much it hurts. He has to bring you back with him no matter what.

Home thinks it's a great idea.

#welcome home #welcome home finfolk au #finfolk #folklore #au #welcome home au #wally darling #welcome home wally darling #wally darling x reader #welcome home wally darling x reader #welcome home finfolk wally darling

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hayffiebird · 5 months

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How do you think Effie and haymitch met?

Hi anon! And thanks for asking! (mini-oneshot, under the cut) I always imagined Effie being Haymitch’s second escort when she was a young woman and he was a sorta young man. On the train to Twelve, new on the job, she’s very “first day of school! First day of school!” and eager to make a difference sort of like Sejanus Plinth. She’s ambitious and driven and also naive enough to think “with me on board we will have victors left and right!” Before the Reaping she decides on her own to visit the Victor’s Village and introduce herself personally to her now co-worker. She’s quite star-struck I think, on the way over there - what with the romanticized image the Capitol has of him. Obviously she doesn’t know the truth about Haymitch’s murdered family. No one really does in her city. She’s also super impressed that he won The Second Quarter Quell - one of the most difficult Games in Panem's history, and without a mentor at that! She’s probably a little smitten too (or at least she was as a young girl). Taken by those dark curls and intense gray eyes in a sort of “toughened by life but love will set him free” kind of way. But when she actually finally meet Mr. Haymitch Abernathy he effectively smashes all the illusions Effie ever had of him in less than five minutes. She goes from dazzled to disbelieving to annoyed and they end up having the first of many arguments. I imagine it went something like this:

Standing there in the middle of the kitchen Effie felt the mentor’s eyes travel up and down her body. He held a bottle of spirits in one hand, elbows on the unbelievably filthy table. And in the other, a knife - an actual KNIFE! “Who sent you?” he finally asked. “It ain’t m’birthday.” The shadow of a crease re-appeared between Effie’s eyebrows but then the smile was right back on. “Mr. Abernathy!” She stepped forward and extended a hand. “Euphemia. Euphemia Trinket, the new escort. My friends call me Effie. You can call me Effie if you want. Delighted to make your acquaintance and might I just add what an honor it is to finally meet. I’ve heard so much about you! I’m sure we’re going to make the most fabulous of teams!” Haymitch ignored the outstretched hand. Instead he brought the bottle to his lips, having a few good mouthfuls. “What happened to Dandruff?" he asked in a bored voice. "Ol’ bat finally bit the dust?" “Mrs Dandridge decided to retire. I’m here in her place. Arrived just a few days ago, and my, am I already in LOVE with your … your … quaint district.” “I know right,” he mimicked her voice, dripping with sarcasm. He poured a good amount of the clear liquid into a cracked glass full of sticky fingerprints and extended it to her. “Well, this calls for a toast, don't ya think? Bottom’s up, lil’ lady." “Um, tempting but no thank you,” she said. “I don’t make it a habit of drinking when I'm at work. Especially not this early. Got to keep a level head," she thrilled. "A big big big day today!” Haymitch tsked, eyes on the ceiling. "I'd say." And he downed the drink for her. “Guess this is my lucky day, huh? They finally got rid of ol’ Ice Crotch and now a squeaky lil’ duckling fresh out of the egg’s gonna help me out.” “W-wha … excuse me? Duckling? Squeaky?! I think you’ll find me more than qualified for the job. I graduated from the Academy at the top of my class!” “Yeah, takes a lot o’ brains to send kids off for slaughter.” Effie stared at him. “B-being chosen to participate in The Hunger Games - the biggest event of the year, is a great honor and …” “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he snarled. “Save it for the cameras, why don’t ya?” At a loss for words Effie watched the man finish his bottle, down to the last drop, only to reach for the next. “The Reaping is in an hour,” she said. “So?" “So maybe you ought to slow down? And I trust it you’ll freshen up before then? Take a shower and find an outfit that’s a little more, um, suitable for the … special occasion.” “Meh,” Haymitch shrugged. “Haven’t decided if I’m gonna go.” “You have to go!” The words burst from her lips before she could stop them. “You’re expected! I’ll look like a fool!” In reply, Haymitch snapped the seal on the bottle. With one expert twist. “Don’t need me for something you already accomplished, sweetheart.” He tipped the liquor into his mouth. “Guess I’ll be seeing you around.”

#anon ask reply #hayffie #some headcanons and a lil' ficlet #haymitch x effie #the hunger games renaissance

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lyramundana · 10 months

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Hellooo how are you I hope you're doing great

Since you loved my 9th member shit I'll let you have more of it ( I actually have a lot in mind about this topic so I'll go slowly hihihi)

What do you think about yandere minsung with sub! Fem! 9th member reader during tour and concerts where they see everyone screaming whenever she does something sexy and they want to show everyone else that she is theirs only.

----🦋 anon----

Hello, butterfly! I'm doing well enough, thank you❤ I have a weakness for yandere minsung, but if you add 9th member to it, it becomes even sweeter.

Do you see how in every concert, stage or program they're doing these two are always standing side by side or, at the very least, close enough to touch each other? Constantly having some sort of interaction, like eye contact? Yeah, that's basically it.

We've already stablished they go mad whenever she shows herself off for the crowds and become enraged when she's flown by comments about how gorgeous she is and people adoring her. That's supposed to be their job and she should only put on shows for them, but since they're idols, they can't exactly stop her from doing it.

When 9th member gets asked to do something sexy, maybe take off her jacket to show off her curves more or dance a seductive version of one of their songs, they're both turned on by her display and furious at realizing other people are seeing it. Hearing the mad screams of joy from the crowd, the loud petitions for her to do more, even the pick-up lines from the bravest fans, it all makes them have to physically restrain themselves to not drag her away from the spotlight in front of everybody and cause a scandal.

Instead, they decide to mark their territory by disguising it as "fanservice".

Remember this?

Mind you, they were on stage receiving an award I think, being watched by millions of people, tvs focusing on them. Do you see they fucks they gave? Me neither.

They're bold as fuck. If they want to show the world how much they want each other, they'll do it. No one can stop them. They can excuse anything with "fanservice" and the fans will believe it.

They spent the remaining show glued to her side. Han hugs her from behind all the time, squeezing her waist with a cute smile that comes off as playful for the fans, but in reality, he's squeezing so hard he leaves prints of his fingers there. He touches all over pretending to be "play-fighting", but if someone looks close enough, they'll notice the certain roughness of his movements. How tight he grabs her, how he always go for all the exposed skin she displayed earlier, subtitly leaving small bruises there. How everytime he hugs her, he has an arm locked on her waist and the other wrapped around her neck, almost like he's caging her to prevent her from moving. She chuckles awkardly, worried fans might notice the intimate nature of it, but he doesn't relent.

Minho isn't any better. He pulls her closer by the waist and pretends to whisper something in her ear, while he's actually pulling up the collar of her outfit slightly to suck the skin there. When she tries to shy away, turns out she has Han right behind her, grabbing her by the shoulders and displaying a cute grin so the fans thinks it's all part of their antics. None of them realize how they're slowly inching closer and closer until their bodies are practically shielding her. They even push other members away softly when they try to interact with 9th member too, barely concealing the growing agitation.

They simply don't let her catch a break for the duration of the show. They keep leaving bruises and marks on her skin unnoticed, playing it off as a result of their playful "fanservice". When she asks them at some point in hushes whispers what the hell they're doing, she receives two pair of glares that are carefully hidden from the cameras and promise an entire night of punishment. She lets all of it happen, a small part of her enjoying it, but also feeling uncapable of resisting them. She's utterly under their control and they know, they know how compliant and obedient their sweet doll is. It's the people who have a problem, gawking their eyes at something they're not even worth looking at and foolishly thinking themselves deserving of begging for more of it, pushing her to break the rules.

The members know better than to intervene at this point. Luckily they can draw some of the attention to themselves and downplay anything as harmless fanservice. Minho doesn't relent his hold on her waist, brushing her cheeks with his nose and whispering dark promises in her reddening ears. Han has his arms wrapped around her shoulders from behind instead, tracing lines across her nape with his teasing lips, maybe biting from time to time.

All in front of everybody. Pretty much like in the picture. That level of closeness.

And obviously, the moment the guys are backstage to change clothes, she's being dragged to a secluded room to have that sinful outfit with which she pulled that whorish behaviour ripped off and makes sure she's unable to even move by the end of it, darkening the small bruises they left earlier and finally unleashing all the pent up energy they have been repressing since stage. They don't stop until she's mute and shaking in their arms, covered in their essence.

tagging @sweetracha-replies and @2chopsticks2eyes they know

@moonlightndaydreams

#hope you liked it #poly minsung #minsung x reader #skz 9th member au+#lee know/han jisung x reader #han jisung imagine #lee know imagine #skz scenarios #skz reactions #skz imagine #requested #butterfly anon #requests

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thatscarletflycatcher · 28 days

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WHO HAD A SECRET RELATIONSHIP WITH WHOM?!

@miraculoushedgehog replied to your post: I need this info on 81’ Thomas 😂

In Sense and Sensibility 1981, the servants of Barton cottage are not ones coming with the Dashwoods from Norland; whether sir John sent them or they are just a fixture of the place, the series doesn't tell us, but they do get a grand introduction:

Thomas, who is doing some gardening as he awaits the Dashwoodses, with as much or more enthusiasm as Mr Collins' noticing Lady Catherine's carriage, tells the maid when he sees the carriage:

Darcy cannot fix the hour or the spot? Skill issue. This man certainly can, as he ran inside, put on a coat and proceeded to greet them:

What a meet cute! Ma Dashwood is not at all displeased:

She has not withdrawn her hand! she smiles at him!

I know who this woman was voting for on that tournament.

Once she moves past him, he pointedly looks at her as she makes her way to the front door, and then adds:

He introduces Susan, and then:

He's taken with her!

You'd say, Scarlet, you are reading too much into this! these are just some perfunctory introductory lines!

Well, you are wrong, because this sequence hasn't ended yet! I'm tempted to think this is the servant character with the most lines in any Austen adaptation. Which reinforces my theory that this is done ON PURPOSE :P

He shows her the different rooms, and then:

He smiles at her approval, and clearly attempts to prolong their conversation with:

Realizing perhaps this is pushing his luck, as she doesn't answer, he adds:

This is not the last time we see him in this very episode, as he comes in to assuage Lady Middleton's fears that her son might be injured, and informing all that only his cucumber frame has been destroyed, showing with that his great presence of mind.

Episode 2. Tom, who introduced himself last episode as doing gardening and odd jobs, has been ascended to doorman:

After we meet Willoughby, the same way Andrew Davies treated us to some wet shirt Edward, we are treated to some Tom doing physical labour, clearly highlighting how romance is blossoming in parallel between so similar a mother and a daughter:

He stops to listen to Marianne and Willoughby sing a song:

The face of a man in love!

The Queen Maab scene follows this one, and then, as Marianne and Willoughby are singing again another day, what do we see first as background to their singing?

Ma Dashwood! Carrying flowers! This is such an obvious yet subtle romantic parallel. This is the kind of soft romantic storytelling I'm here for.

That's Willoughby's carriage as he's brought back Marianne from Allenham. Would Thomas be complete if he didn't love horses?

Episode 3: We open with some Thomas working in the background:

So that we not forget his real relevance in this story's subtext.

Ma Dashwood not even trying to be subtle.

Another Tom cameo:

And another:

Ma Dashwood's reaction upon hearing that Mrs Jennings has invited Elinor and Marianne to go to London with her:

It is worth mentioning that in this adaptation, there's no Margaret. Ma Dashwood is not sick. There's absolutely no reason for her not to be invited, so why didn't Mrs Jennings invite her? Well, of course, because with her nose for romance she's sniffed her secret out! Ma Dashwood does then demolish all Elinor's objections, is truly overjoyed at the idea of being left behind, and explicitly mentions her having Tom and Susan with her as a reason for Elinor and Marianne to go with a clean conscience.

Ma Dashwood's face after her daughters leave the room:

During episodes 4-5, the series of course focuses on our main heroines in London and Cleveland, leaving us to imagine the full blossoming of this romance happening at Barton cottage, and all the angst and heartbreak that their class separation imposes on these middle aged lovers. Ma Dashwood may be a romantic, but she understands that her daughters come first.

As soon as we return to Barton in episode 6, so returns our favorite gardener-doorman-oodjobman Tom! Without seeing him, Ma Dashwood recognizes his way of shutting the front door, and calls his name, and then smiles at his answering:

♪ So this is love... ♫ (notice Elinor drawing Edward's portrait)

(Then we get the "Thomas tells them Mr Ferrars is married" scene)

Then this scene follows:

It's a really clever piece of writing, where the writers both show us the grown intimacy, respect and appreciation between them, and give us a nice metaphor, where the flowers of the hedgerow, that represent Tom, are picked by Ma Dashwood, beautiful in her eyes, and made fit for polite society. Alas, the crucial question remains: how can they love be, without ruining Marianne and Elinor's prospects?

As we all know, Edward comes and proposes to Elinor, and marries her. We are then treated to a visit of colonel Brandon, where Ma Dashwood sees how much Marianne's feelings and attitudes towards the colonel have changed.

The last line and frame of the adaptation belongs to Ma Dashwood:

That would, to any distracted viewer, seem very odd. Why that? And why that line? But for the attentive viewer who has been able to piece together the little drama behind the curtains, it's patently clear: she has realized that Marianne will marry Brandon, and once that happens, she will be free to have her own second happily ever after herself, with Tom, the gardener of her heart.

#ask #kajaono #Jane Austen #Sense and Sensibility #Sense and Sensibility 1981 #humor #things people are missing out on by not watching the older adaptations :P

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margarethx · 2 months

Text

I was genuinely surprised with the responses I've got on the first part of [THIS story]. It was such a random burst of motivation to write that I didn't even think it through and just posted whatever came out of my head. But I'm very glad that you liked it, since it's the first story I've showed to other people in like 4 years.

The working title will be "Assassinate them with Kindness", and I'll use that as a tag for later parts when I add them. It's also [available on Ao3] if you'd prefer to read it over there.

Enjoy <3

--- ----- --- ----- --- ----- --- ----- ---

The weird man does not go to Sam's group on Monday.

Which is not as big of a relief as Sam thought it would be.

Because if the man is not here... where is he? And why did he even ask if he could join the group? Was he just taunting Sam? Teasing him with the knowledge or Sam's schedule and whereabouts, but not revealing how and for what purpose did he get that information?

Sam briefly glances at his wrist, covered neatly by a long-sleeved shirt and a warm blazer. The day is way too hot for this type of clothing, but he refused to look at the bruises on his skin for more than two seconds after noticing them for the first time. He still feels the pain, but it's easier to make it fade into the background, if he pretends it isn't there at all.

In spite of his nervousness and constant worry, Sam leads his group like a true professional. Calm, collected, funny when needed. A shining example of an ex-soldier who has left most of their PTSD far behind by working hard to healthily rejoin society. Definitely not a person, who started carrying a gun in public again after singular weird encounter, and who constantly has to fight with himself to not look over his shoulder and check if there isn't anyone watching him from the shadowed backroom.

But the man was not there. The meeting went well. And all the people leaving the room with their polite "good bye's" and casual "see ya!'s" have no idea about the turmoil in his head.

"See you Thursday," Sam smiles pleasantly and grabs Tyler's hand with both palms, shaking it lightly, as a young vet stops by. "It's nice to see you again. It's been a while," he adds, hoping that his eyes convey genuine warmth.

Tyler is young - too young to deal with this sort of trauma. A typical example of a teenager pulled into a military machine by life circumstances, not because of any principled believes. He went to have a better chance at higher education afterwards. And he lost half of his right leg for it.

He is secretly Sam's favourite in the group, with his sense of humour and positive attitude. Though Sam is sure there is a lot of fears and sadness hidden behind all the jokes, because he acted the exact same way when he first sought out help after coming home. It was easy to see the reflection of younger Sam in Tyler's behaviour.

And it was also great to have someone in the group who could keep everyone's mood relatively light when topics were getting heavy, without making others feel as if their confessions were not treated seriously. It was, of course, Sam's job to control the atmosphere as best as he could , but on days like this - when he himself didn't feel stellar - it was a relief to not shoulder all the emotional weight of the meeting on his own.

"Is everything alright, Mr. Wilson?" Tyler asks, also shaking Sam's hands a little.

"It's Sam, we've talked about this," Sam smiles, deflecting by playing their classic game of arguing over formality levels of their relation. It's a bit worrying. To know that he can put on a mask and his vets might notice his distress anyway. But no one else said anything, so maybe he fooled the rest of them successfully?

"Apologies. Is everything alright, Mr. Sam Wilson?"

Tyler sends him a bright grin and Sam sighs. He doesn't have much energy left to argue or pretend. He did not sleep very well last week, to put it lightly.

"I'm alright," he finally replies without much conviction. "It's personal stuff, you don't need to worry about this. It should be resolved by the next meeting," he adds, hoping that this little lie will make his situation look like a solvable problem with the end in sight. Maybe if he believes in it hard enough it would even come true?

For now, it seems that Tyler buys the explanation and drops the topic. As they exchange goodbyes, he still glances at Sam with a slight frown, but he doesn't push. It'd be unusual if he did. As much as Sam loves working with these people and helping them, they're not that close. His vets don't get involved in his personal life.

...They don't know where he lives, for example...

Sam shakes his head to stop himself from thinking and gathers the papers on his desk with a bit more energy than the task requires. He needs to get out of here. The conference room he uses is relatively big, but the walls seem to get closer and closer, the ceiling pressing down on him.

He exits the building, taking long steps, and avoiding everyone's eyes. Fortunately, most people he passes don't know him, so he's not stopped for any conversations about his last weekend and all the fun his co-workers had while he sat on his guestroom floor surrounded by unhealthy snacks, and wondering if it's reasonable to invest his meager savings in an upgraded security system.

It's embarrassing, when he thinks back to those three days. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.

But something about that man... About his eyes. About the bruises he left.

Sam really tried to not look at them too closely to avoid spiraling again, but he's pretty sure his skin almost broke in some places, as if pinched too hard. The only reason he didn't notice it right away was probably the sheer rush of adrenaline that flooded him in that moment and dulled the pain.

Once he's outside, Sam leans on a nearby wall, out of everyone's sight, unsure of what to do next. Even though he spent the last weekend hidden in his home, the place did not feel safe. All he could focus on were unusual noises or the headlights of random cars passing by, casting uneven shadows on his walls. At some point he was sure one specific shadow looked like a person, but when he carefully peered outside, his garden was empty, with the exception of a small bat the flew in circles under the nearest lamppost, catching moths in peace.

Normally, he'd stay, watching the little guy and reminiscing about the time he too could fly at such speed, but it didn't feel safe, so he moved as far away from the window as possible.

All Sam wants right now is to get back to his bed and hide under the covers, go to sleep, and wake up to realize that the whole thing was just a dream.

His bag slips from his shoulder when he slumps against the wall and the strap catches on his wrist. He hisses in pain, reminded once more - as if he forgot, somehow - that his paranoia is actually justified and that his home is not some safe haven he'd like it to be. Because someone strong enough to nearly break his bones with a strong grip knows where he lives and could come back at any second.

If the guy was a real vet, why didn't he come to the meeting?

And again... if he's not here... Where is he?!

Sam readjusts his bag and straightens up. He cannot come home right now, but he needs to sleep somewhere. He could ask one of his new friends to take their couch for the night... but it's not Delacroix and his friendships here are not on the "sleepover" level yet. And if the man decides to look for him, Sam would drag the danger to someone else's home.

He's not that selfish.

Maybe he could find someone on a dating app and stay the night?

He shudders at the idea. It reeks of desperation even to his clouded brain. He would not do that to some random innocent person. And he would not do that to himself. He has enough dignity left.

The mere fact that he came up with a solution like that sobers him up a little bit. It sounds almost ridiculous and he's sure he would laugh about it one day... if he lives long enough to tell the story about his lowest point post-Afganistan.

What he needs to do is to go to a public space. A place with cameras, a nice crowd with enough eyes, to catch if something's wrong - but not crowded enough that a person would fade into the sea of faces and moving bodies.

With that in mind, Sam takes another deep breath to calm himself and marches towards the nearest bar he knows. The place is probably half-empty at this hour, but an evening wave of patrons should start trickling in pretty soon.

The inside of the establishment is a bit too dark for Sam's liking, but as he sits at the bar he feels some of the tension leave his body at last. Behind the bartender there is a freshly cleaned mirror, showing most of the tables, so Sam can keep an eye on the room while eating.

He's not in the mood for drinking - mostly to stay vigilant, not because he couldn't use a nice glass of whiskey right now - but the place offers some typical fast food options, so he picks them from the menu instead. He'll have to really push himself during the next training session to pay for the sugar and fat intake of the last four days, but he feels like he's earned the right to be indulgent for at least a while.

As he eats, Sam observes other patrons suspiciously, looking over his shoulder from time to time. At some point he's sure he feels someone's eyes on his back, but no one new entered the building in the last twenty minutes and the people on nearby tables seem preoccupied with their own thoughts and conversations, so he's sure it's just the paranoia.

It's starting to get dark outside and the bar fills with shadows before someone turns on a few extra laps. There are more people sitting around Sam now, some staring in silence into their drinks, others talking casually, or flirting with the bartender, as per usual.

The guy behind the bar seems cute. Probably a bit younger than Sam's typical partner, but still in his bracket. He accepts the compliments with a calm smile not cutting them off right away, but not doing much to encourage the attention. Sam gets a little lost for a second, observing the man's hands as he prepares the drinks, almost hypnotized by the movents.

Suddenly, one of the patrons - one that's been sitting by the bar before Sam even came in - drops her wallet in a clumsy attempt to pay the bill. She smiles awkwardly at the bartender, who simply grabs the wallet for her from the floor, clearly used to similar shenanigans.

As the guy leans forward, a curtain of thin braids covers his face for a brief second and he glances somewhere in Sam's general direction from between them before standing up.

Sam freezes.

The man looks basically nothing alike the guy who stood at his doorstep last week, but something about that look causes the memories to flood Sam once again. He feels dizzy and the comfortable atmosphere of the bar becomes overwhelming and stuffy in a blink of an eye.

He nearly jumps out of his chair and makes a beeline to the bathroom. He's not sure why. He just needs to... Wash his face maybe. Look into the mirror and have a stern talk with his brain. Something. Anything! To finally calm down.

As he walks towards the bathrooms, he notices some man sitting in a booth he previously didn't see. He's dressed pretty formally, phone in hands, and an annoyed grimace on his face. He looks more like a person currently working than someone who just went for drinks to wind down after work.

His eyes meet Sam's which sends a cold shiver down his spine. For whatever reason, this man - looking like a banker or low-lever politician, which is a common sight in DC - scares Sam just as much as the creepy stranger haunting his thoughts.

He breaks the eye contact and darts towards the bathrooms even faster, nearly colliding with someone who exits the door.

There are three other people in the bathroom, two of which wash their hands and fix their hair in front of the mirror. Neither of them look particularly suspicious, but Sam keeps an eye on them anyway, walking towards the stalls and locking himself in one of them.

He sits there for less then two second before he realizes that he's made himself more vulnerable by isolating himself from the crowd, but he's really not sure what to do next. The brief moment of fear after seeing the bartender with hair hanging over his face seems silly in retrospect. He could've just ignored the panic, push the discomfort down, and go back to the main room. But the man in suit sitting in a secluded booth?

That was actually worrying. Because he didn't just look generally annoyed or angry. He seemed to be specifically mad at Sam. Which would be concerning with any other influential White guy, but in this particular instance Sam feels like there's more to it.

He hears another person enter the bathroom, interrupting his thoughts. Two of the people washing their hands leave. Someone else comes in. Sam keeps track of everyone inside and at some point he's pretty sure he's the only person still sitting here, so he quietly exits the stall.

Just as he expected, the bathroom is empty. It's a bit weird, all things considered. It's a Monday afternoon, sure, but this place is not alive just on the weekends and in the night, when students party. There should be a constant rotation of people going in and out at any point.

But the room is silent as Sam stands there, wondering what to do next.

He's pretty sure he hears some water running on the other side of the wall and muffled laughs, seemingly coming from a group of women washing their hands and talking in an adjacent room.

Sam's familiar with all the overdone jokes about girls visiting the bathroom way more often than guys or about them going there in hordes. And, stereotypical or not, there is some truth to those... but Sam's pretty sure it should not be this disproportional.

The man's bathroom has been empty for over five minutes. Which is way too long, considering the size of the crowd.

A motion activated light loudly going off in one of the stalls makes it even more clear that Sam's suspiciously alone in here.

He washes his hands just to do something when, finally, the door to the main part of the bar opens. A wave of sound - clinking glasses, loud conversations, a ringtone - fill the empty space until the door closes again, cutting the noise off.

Sam exhales with relief and moves to dry his hands.

Then he notices him.

The man from his porch, now standing behind him, staring straight at Sam in the mirror.

He looks even bigger now, taller, and more broad at the shoulders, his hair still covering the face like a greasy veil. His eyes pin Sam in place like a wild animal who's fight or flight instincts fired so many contradicting impulses in its brain that it ended up just freezing.

In any other situation Sam would feel vindicated. He was right! He was not safe, he was observed, and someone is going after him - for whatever reason.

He can take that useless sense of satisfaction and bring it straight to his grave.

The man doesn't move. He just looks at Sam or through him, maybe. As if he's mentally not here. Maybe his soul has also left his body, like Sam assumes his own did right now?

It's just like that day at his home. Awkward, tense silence and creepy staring. Sam feels the hairs on his arm stand up like a coordinated unit. His heart beats so fast and loud that it must echo on the bathroom's walls. If Sam's ears were not filled with ringing, he'd probably be more sure about that.

The man blinks, just once.

And something in Sam just... breaks.

When he'll think about it later he'll have no idea why he did it. But he simply turns off the water and turns towards the guy in one smooth motion.

"Oh, I know you" he says, tone casual.

The man frowns this time, still looking directly at Sam. One of his hands is hidden inside or his unzipped jacket and it twitches a little. Whatever he's holding there probably isn't a bouquet or a dove, he'll produce out of nowhere and present to Sam like a magician.

"Fancy meeting you here," he adds, like it's a normal conversation. Like they're friends from work or as if the man was his favourite cashier at a local store. "In the bar, I mean. Not in the bathroom," he jokes.

The man's face does a weird thing. It's difficult to tell what kind of emotion he wanted to convey, but he seems confused. Does he even recognize Sam? Maybe he's really not as mentally present this time?

The water drips from Sam's hands to the tiled floor - tiny rivulets running down his fingers. It's quiet again, just as before, until one of the other motion activated lights goes off in the stalls. Then the next one right after it. Click. Click.

The guy flinches twice, his hand moving under the jacket's lapels.

"Can I help you with something?" Sam asks finally. At this point it feels like his mouth is operating on its own, entirely independent on his brain. He's also there, but not really.

Maybe he's already died and hasn't realized?

"You didn't go to my meeting today." Why does he keep talking?! "Do you plan to join this Thursday?"

By some miracle, this question seems to work. The guy's eyes dart around nervously and he shivers as the last of the lights in the stalls section goes off. The room is dimly lit by now only by the small lights over the sinks. And Sam cannot ignore that they're still, somehow, alone in here.

"I'm sorry I didn't come today," the man says and he sounds sincere, though monotone. "There were too many people in there."

"Well, it's a group meeting," Sam smiles. "The people are kind of a given."

He feels like he's body is operating on a pure survival mode. It reminds him of his time in the military, in a way; of the time, where he had to put one hundred percent of his focus on staying alive and keeping other's from dying, too, but couldn't actually think about it. Because there were bullets flying by, and his hands were sticky with someone's blood, and there was a wound to stitch, and a person screaming. If he registered all of that in full, he'd just collapse on the ground, overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear. So it was easier to just switch his brain off and let the instincts and years of training take the wheel.

"If you're worried about confessing in front of others, it's okay." He keeps talking and the man's stare becomes even more intense. His eyes seem very blue, even in the poor lighting, which Sam didn't truly notice before. They look cold, but not because of the colour. More like there's not enough life in them. "There's no pressure to tell your story right away. Some people in my group love talking. Other's just sit and listen. If no one's up to talk, I take over and give a little speech," Sam grins.

And he somehow knows that if he looked into the mirror to his left, his smile would look genuine.

"I don't like talking," the man says eventually.

"I figured," is Sam's reply. "Like I said, I won't push you to say shit."

It's probably not the most professional way of phrasing it, but he's not at work and, frankly, he's about to be murdered, so it's not like they'll reprimand him for inappropriate language.

"Also," he continues, "I can give you a number to one of my colleagues who does one on one therapy sessions. That way you could..."

"No."

"...avoid groups," he finishes awkwardly. " Fair enough."

"Do you do it? The therapy? One on one, no people?"

Sam doesn't. And he'd probably lie about it, even if he did.

"Not these days. I already have a ton of work with groups. If you want to see me, specifically, you know where to find me."

Clearly.

"I do," the man confirms like it's not the creepiest thing Sam's heard in his entire life.

"Well, I have to go now," Sam tries, hoping that if he sneaks out of the bathroom fast enough this whole nightmare will finally end. If the guy's here to kill him, he's doing a pretty bad job right now, so maybe Sam could just... walk away from the situation. Surely, he won't get stabbed in the back in the middle of a bar? Right?

The guy's face contorts in a painful way and he finally removes his hand from under the jacket. Sam tenses, but the gloved palm is empty. At the same time, the guy sways a little on his feet and grabs the wet counter with both hands.

Before Sam has time to process what's happening, he's already next to the guy, holding his elbow carefully and looking straight into his eyes. The pupils are dilated and then suddenly small like a poppy seed, changing in a matter of milliseconds. Sam's never seen anything like it.

"Are you alright?" he asks unnecessarily, trying to keep the man from falling face-first into the sink.

They look at each other and the man seems panicked, more than anything. The unwashed strands of brown hair hang over his eyes, but this time Sam's too worried about him to let himself spiral again at the now familiar sight.

The counter makes a strained noise and a small crack appears on the surface. Sam imagines his own bones turning into dust under such grip and his wrist pulses with pain he felt in the background for the last few days.

"Are you okay?" he asks again, sounding more urgent this time. He doesn't even care at this point if the man's here to kill him. Sam's a paramedic first, and if someone's fighting for their life nearby, he'll always drop everything to make things better. Even if his body might end up in trashcan behind the bar for the effort.

The man blinks, licks his lips, and takes a ragged breath. There's a weird grey cast to his face now and he didn't even look that healthy to begin with.

"I have to go," he whispers finally and stands up. His forehead shines with sweat and his pupils are wide again. "Thank you," he adds quieter and walks away unnaturally fast.

He's there. And then he's not. The door closes so quietly behind him, that Sam doesn't even register the sound.

Sam sits down, not caring about the wet and disgusting floor and stares at the opposite wall in silence. In the women's bathroom someone laughs out loud and a sharp sound of the shattering glass reaches him from the bar.

It almost feels like he's lost his hearing for a while and it suddenly returns to him. As if he's been under water and came break to the surface once more.

He also tastes blood on his tongue and realizes he must have bitten it at some point without realizing. The unpleasant sting of a cut is what finally helps him to come back to himself. He cannot stay in this place a second longer.

He washes his hands again so they stop feeling as clammy and touches his face with them too. The cold water helps a lot, but his own eyes look wild in the mirror.

As he exits the bathrooms, he looks over the crowd that gathered inside since he fled the bar. Just as before, most people don't even look in his direction and he realizes that the man in a suit who stared at him earlier is gone as well.

Then, he turns around to close the door and suddenly he's faced with a bright yellow sign that warns: "Under Maintenance" in bold, black letters. An official looking printout below adds: "DO NOT ENTER".

None of those signs have been there before.

All Sam can do at this point is grip his bag, lower his head, and exit the bar as fast as possible. If he is getting strangled or stabbed today, he at least wants for it to happen in his home.

--- ----- --- ----- --- ----- --- ----- ---

Shoutout to tumblr for glitching a making me feel like I've lost over 700 words of a draft <3 That mini heart-attack was very necessary.

Btw, funny thing about this chapter is that I've basically spent the entire time thinking that I'm doing too much. Like... I keep pushing Sam deeper and deeper into this spiral, but nothing really happened to him. It's not a big deal, calm down, man.

But then I have to remind myself that if some suspicious looking man knocked on my door, told me that he got my address from a person I don't know, asked me where I worked, and grabbed my arm so hard it nearly broke... I would simply perish on the spot from the stress xD Or I'd spent the rest of my life paranoid, even if nothing more happened.

So I think Sam should be allowed to have a 4-day almost panic attack, as a treat.

#sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #winterfalcon #the falcon #winter soldier #captain america #ca:tws #onlysambucky #assassinate them with kindness #ATWK #my writing

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the-sun-and-the-sea · 1 year

Note

please do another list of odesta fanfic recommendations!! im so starved for content :(

Hi! I agree that odesta content has been sparse lately. I'm not sure exactly where you've looked so far so I've gathered a list of both newer and older fics, I hope you can find something good to read!

Newer

Tribute, Victor, Rebel by Shouting_at_God_in_Latin: What I really like about this one is that it does a great job of fleshing out the world of District 4. Finnick is the narrator but he doesn't feel like the center of the universe, he feels like a small part of a big, rich world. Personally I really appreciate this because that's something I have trouble doing when I write, so this could be a great one to check out if you're interested in how D4 and Panem operate.

The Sugar Cube Castle by Brilli_Ant: This one takes place during Annie's Games and is from her POV. It has an interesting dynamic because Annie and her district partner were friends before the Games, and of course there is the dramatic irony of Annie trying to figure out what Finnick's up to.

Golden Children by roxal04: This one is from Mags' POV and it offers a unique perspective on the war and on Finnick and Annie's relationship. It's a one-shot but it's pretty long, so this could be a good read if you're in the mood for something different.

some things last by fillorianravenclaw: This one alternates between Finnick and Annie's POV, so you get to see both sides of the story. It takes places during Annie's Games and I think it's well written and conveys Annie's thoughts and feelings well. It has another interesting dynamic between Annie and her district partner, which definitely makes things engaging.

Older

The Harvest by BeesKnees: This is an AU in which the rebellion fails. It's tragic but the ending is hopeful. I've read this multiple times and I've been on the edge of my seat each time. It's a pretty unique AU in my opinion, so it might not be what you're looking for, but I really enjoy it. This author has many odesta works that I love so be sure to check out the rest of their works if you haven't already!

I'll drown before your very eyes by ToshiChan: This is a beautiful and heartbreaking one-shot that deals with Finnick's trauma after the war. I will warn you that it is very sad but the ending is hopeful, so I found it to be a realistic depiction of what the victors' futures would look like.

Victorious-Rebellious by sabaceanbabe: This is a compelling AU in which the rebellion fails so Finnick and Annie start their own. It's a series that I really like, and I've found that sabaceanbabe does a great balance between romantic moments and engaging plot/action scenes. Also go check out their other work if you haven't done so, I really love it!

Valor, Valeria by aimmyarrowshigh: This is a beautiful one-shot that I read about three years ago and have been in love with ever since. It draws parallels between Finnick and Gale and shows how ultimately corrupt Panem is. I honestly can't believe I haven't mentioned this one yet lol.

my_odestiny wrote Odesta fic so I recommend checking out their works on ao3. Or you can check out their Tumblr (@my-odestiny) for other content.

I hope this list helps you, and as always, feel free to reblog if you have any fics to add or promote!

#asked and answered #odesta #odesta fic recs #odesta fic #thg fic recs #thg fic #thg #the hunger games #finnick odair #annie cresta

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wariocompany · 7 months

Text

My actual CVC headcanons written as I trudge through episode after episode in the hopes that I might see him for twenty glorious seconds (LONG)

Cookie Monster is his bestie, they hang out and act Strange together

He has phases of enjoying counting in certain ways. There are some days when counting zero of something is like hell to him, and others when it's all he wants to do.

His memory is borderline photographic; that's both how and why he keeps his counting diary. It helps him empty his head and show he's able to keep track of countable things that would otherwise be forgotten.

He moved to Sesame because he was getting sick of the same-same life of back home, restricted by whatever more ancient relics of count life were supposed to be; especially having to spend time talking to other Important People. On Sesame he gets to do what he wants and be like everyone else, even if he is different. It's also why he says his name is because of his hobby and not, like, the actual reason

He went to an international/accelerated school, where Matilda also went; it was indeed maths oriented, but the Count is exaggerating a bit when he says it was a "counting school".

He did actually catch a bit of an Australian accent from Matilda as a child, as she was his main source of English speaking, but it faded after she moved; all the teachers were either American-accented or had accents like his

He actually has no negative physical reaction to sunlight, he just doesn't like it because of the 'tism

He actually needs the monocle, it's a glasses lens, he read way too much in the dark as a kid

He didn't realise that hyponotising people for his counting purposes could upset people and had to be informed of the fact; but of course, this happened quite quickly, which is why it only happened a few times.

He loves watching sports and pays a great deal of attention to the stats. He especially loves sports analysis shows with "360" in the title. Book keeping etc has also, of course, always been of great interest to him, as well as anything else stats-based in pop culture, such as the census (as we know), elections, algorithms, and so on.

However, he isn't some sort of betting wizard. He is certainly good at counting up things, but putting them into practice and making an analysis of them takes more effort for him, especially if it's a synthesis of a variety of factors.

While he doesn't need a steady job these days, he does do odd accounting jobs during tax time to get himself something nice

He can do all sorts of mathematics, but he simply finds the most interest in counting (and by proxy smaller multiplication tables). He can help you with more challenging maths if you ask him; however, it isn't very interesting for him and he only knows it because of his time at his cute little special boy school

He and the Countess do speak Hungarian reasonably frequently, but not all the time

They knew each other before they met on Sesame, but only vaguely, through friends of friends of friends as children

He was nocturnal for a pretty long while but after he made more friends on Sesame he started to change his sleep schedule for convenience

^ In general, a lot of his vampirisms started to naturally go away after he made friends, and a healthy dose of counting every day keeps him hunky dory.

34,696 was only his favourite number on the day they asked; it changes constantly

He has one of those birthday cake books which teach you how to make numbers for kids' birthdays and we frequently bakes them for friends' birthdays as well as for whenever CM comes over

I'll add more later

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autisticlancemcclain · 2 years

Text

“And for the tasks we have today…” Allura says, flipping to a page in her sparkly pink planner (a gift from Pidge and Lance via the space mall, that Allura loved to pieces), “we need two people for a supply run, and one person to do that diplomatic mission for the Coalitions newest ally.”

“Do you have anyone in particular in mind?”

“Nope! Up to you.”

“Alright,” Shiro says, “I know Pidge and Hunk have that hyrdroponic system they’re hoping to work on today, so that leaves them out.”

“Coran mentioned he wanted to test his new training sim for any errors before he has us try it,” Allura adds.

“So that leaves you, me, Keith, and Lance available,” Shiro summarizes.

The words aren’t even out of his mouth before Allura’s hand fly to her nose: “Dibs on free time!” she shouts, and Shiro scowls.

“Not fair,” he complains, but Allura just shrugs at him.

“Bulk up the reflexes, beefcake,” she says, and dear Lord he needs to keep Pidge as far away from the princess as possible, apparently.

“Fine,” Shiro concedes with a sigh. “I guess I’ll go on the supply run.” He grins, suddenly remembering something that makes him very happy about this arrangement, actually.

Allura narrows her eyes. “Why are you happy about that. You should not be happy about that. You hate supply runs.”

Shiro rubs his hands together like a cartoon villain, because he feels like one, and it’s great. “I do hate supply runs. But. I was up early this morning, and I happened to see Keith come out of Lance’s room instead of his own, and I am suddenly very grateful for several hours locked in a pod with him, where he cannot leave the conversation and I can be as annoying as possible.”

“Hey, you withheld information! That’s not fair! If I had known there was klance drama I would’ve taken the supply run!”

Shiro smiles smugly at her. “Bulk up on the reconnaissance, beefcake,” he taunts.

Allura rolls her eyes. “It sounds dorky when you say it.”

Unfortunately she is correct, but Shiro left his dignity behind on Earth several years ago, so it truly does not matter.

“Don’t care,” Shiro says serenely. “Anyways, that leaves Lance for the diplomatic mission, which is good. He’s great at those, and he seems to like them. Well, I think he does.”

Allura raises an eyebrow. “You think?”

“I genuinely cannot get a read on him. Every time I give him a solo diplomatic mission, he gets this — pinched expression, almost? But then he gets all excited about making friends, so. I’m not sure how to interpret that one.”

“That is strange,” Allura agrees. “He’s usually pretty straightforward.”

“I know! But he does a really good job on the missions, so I think he’s happy with them? If he asks me to stop then I will, but until then…”

“No, I think he’s fine. He might just be nervous, you know he sometimes doubts himself.”

“Oh, that makes sense. I’ll make sure to remind him that we’re proud of him.”

“Good. We’re done here, then? I have free time to enjoy.”

Shiro sticks his tongue out at her. “Yes, you horrible cheater.”

She smirks back at him, gathering her sparkly planner and several dozen gel pens up before prancing out of the briefing room, wiggling her fingers in a smug little wave, because she is a horrible jerk.

Shiro rolls his eyes fondly, pulling up the files for the diplomatic mission and sending Lance a quick message on the comms, asking him to come down. It’s really only a sort of official welcoming into the Coalition; getting paperwork signed and meeting all necessary government officials, which is why it’s a one-paladin job. And Lance is one of their best in terms of socializing, so he gets sent on these missions often.

“Is that the mission folder?”

The voice comes suddenly, right next to his ear, making Shiro screech and jump so hard he nearly falls out of his chair.

“Jesus Christ, Holy Joseph, and the Mother Mary!” he shouts, pressing a hand on top of his galloping heart. He glares at the perpetrator. “Why do you keep doing that, Lance?!”

“S — sorry,” Lance tries, but he’s laughing to much for Shiro to buy it.

“You are not sorry, you little jackass,” Shiro snaps, but there is very little heat behind it. “You enjoy doing that every time.”

“I would enjoy it less if you had a less funny reaction.”

“My reaction is not that funny.”

“Shiro, you act like an astonished old Catholic lady. It’s funny every time.”

“It’s not that funny! Lots of people yell the lord’s name in vain when they’re startled!”

“Shiro, you’re a Buddhist.”

“Which is why it’s okay for me to do it! It’s not a sin for me!”

“Whatever, you goober,” Lance says. “Tell me about the mission.”

Shiro glares at Lance one last time, just so he knows he is Not Forgiven, before moving on.

“Right. The newest planet to join the Coalition — planet Juyin — needs our official welcoming spiel, and you’re my best bet to get that done. You’re very good at making people at ease.” Shiro makes sure to slip in a compliment, keeping his and Allura’s conversation in mind.

Lance still gets the pinched expression.

“Okay,” he says, and turns his gaze towards the file, biting his lip as he reads it over.

Shiro is familiar with the routine. Lance will read the file carefully, every word, then ask Shiro a million questions about the planet’s cultural norms — “Is eye contact seen as a form of aggression?” “Am I allowed to speak without asking permission, or is that offensive?” “Can I wear my paladin armour or do I need to get fancy clothes?” “Is there a type of greeting I should memorize?” — that are very thoughtful, and that Shiro can never answer.

(They usually end up asking Coran.)

Then Lance will slowly lose his pinched expression as he learns more about the planet’s culture, getting excited about all the people he’s going to meet an inevitably befriend, and then he’s off to complete the mission with ease. (After which he comes home and immediately ducks into his room, because “I’ve been smiling all day, Shiro, I need to do some extra skincare or I’ll get wrinkles. Do you want me to get wrinkles?”)

Lance finishes reading the file, then turns to face Shiro. Shiro braces himself for an onslaught of questions, and readies himself to message Coran —

“Is this your way of quietly kicking me off Voltron?”

— and freezes.

Huh?

“Pardon?”

Lance swallows roughly, eyes trained on his fidgety hands.

“Um, I asked if this is your way of kicking me off the team,” Lance repeats.

Shiro has never felt more like his brain was completely empty, because he has no fucking clue what to say.

“No, I got that,” he says, unsure how to proceed. “I just don’t understand where it’s coming from, buddy.”

“Well, you’re setting me up to fail, right? Giving me missions that I can’t do very well until I inevitably screw up, so then you have a real reason to get rid of me?”

Shiro feels completely lost. What is going on?

“Lance, I don’t understand. Why would I ever want you off my team?”

Lance shrugs. His eyes are still downcast, but to Shiro’s horror, a tear drips down his cheek.

“I dunno. I can’t really offer much, not like everyone else. And I’m frustrating and annoying and I mess up a lot and I’m not very smart and most people only tolerate me because they have to and —”

“Lance, breathe,” Shiro interrupts, scrambling forward to kneel in front of Lance, holding his hands tightly. “In and out, buddy, just like I’m doing. Take a minute. In and out. Just like that. Good, okay? You’re doing great.”

The tears don’t stop when Lance stops hyperventilating; if anything, they drip down faster.

Shiro has no idea how the situation slipped from him so fast.

“Lance, no one is frustrated with you, or annoyed. You’re plenty smart. No one ‘puts up with you’, we hang out with because we like you. Where’s this coming from, kiddo?”

Lance shrugs, sniffling. “You keep sending me on missions I can’t do right. When I fail, you’re not going to say it, obviously, but then you’ll have an excuse to tell me that I can’t be the blue paladin anymore and it’ll be out of your hands.”

Shiro is so confused, and a definitely little panicky. Where on Earth — or in space — is this coming from? How long has Lance been feeling this way?

And, most importantly: how can Shiro fix it?

“Lance,” Shiro says gently, “I send you on these types of missions because you’re very good at them, and because you always look excited about meeting new people. I am absolutely not looking for a reason to get rid of you; and even if I was, I would never be so underhanded about it. I promise. But seriously, hun, where is this coming from?”

Lance’s chin trembles, and more tears stream down his face. He untangles his hands from Shiro’s to press them tightly to his face. “That’s what Iverson did,” he says, muffled. “He would give me simulations that we’re different than everyone else’s and really hard for me, because he knew I’d mess up and then he’d have more of an excuse to kick me out of fighter class. I figured you were doing the same because you only really send me on the solo diplomatic missions, so.”

Shiro feels an intense mix of fury, guilt, and sorrow whirl around in his stomach. Fury because fuck Iverson — Shiro has always hated that man — and everything he’s done to Lance, who most certainly did not deserve it, and especially not as a young, still-learning kid. Guilt because he cannot believe he’s been putting Lance through this — however accidentally — and not noticed. And sorrow because, obviously, Lance is hurting, and he hates it when his kids are hurting.

“I’m not doing what Iverson is doing, Lance,” Shiro promises quietly. “I send you on these missions because I never realized you struggled with them. I thought you liked them.”

Lance peeks through his fingers to glance at Shiro, brown eyes wet and rimmed with red. When he evidently decides that Shiro is telling the truth, he drops his hands from his face, slipping them back under Shiro’s. Shiro takes the hint, squeezing them again.

“I like the part where I get to meet new people,” Lance says. “But it’s hard because I can’t read human social cues very well, let alone alien ones, so I always think I’m going to fuck up and then they’re going to get mad and call off the alliance and then their people will be unprotected and it will be all my fault. And I do fuck up all the time, too. I keep having to make up lies so they don’t know I fucked up. Like, last week I had to tell the S’eetns that plugging your ears when someone is talking to you is a human custom that means you find your conversation partner very intriguing, because they had really screechy voices and I couldn’t handle it and they got mad. I was so scared they wouldn’t believe me because I’m not very good at lying, but they did, but I was still nervous, and —”

Shiro is the king of all dumbasses. Like, seriously. He’s an idiot.

No shit Lance is having a hard time on these missions. God.

“Lance,” Shiro interrupts, “are you autistic?”

“Um, yeah?

“I didn’t know that, kiddo.”

Lance blinks. “Oh. I thought everyone knew.”

“Lance, if I knew, I never — not in a million years — would send you into intentionally stressful situations alone. Never.”

“Oh,” Lance says again, in a much smaller voice. “That makes a lot more sense. I didn’t think you were a jerk, I just thought I was being a screwup and you didn’t know how to tell me.”

“You are not a screwup, Lance McClain,” Shiro says firmly. “You are exceptional. I mean — look at you! You spent God knows how long doing these missions perfectly, even though it was unbelievably hard for you. That’s incredible.”

For the first time since this whole mess came to light, Lance smiles. It’s a small smile, but it’s a start.

“I guess so,” he says. His smile drops. “Does that mean I have to do this mission anyway?”

“Absolutely not, Lance, God,” Shiro says, aghast. “I’m proud of your strength, but I’m not going to make you keep suffering now that I know that you are, okay? God. I’m so sorry, Lance.”

Lance shrugs. “It’s fine. I liked the socializing part, anyway, so it wasn’t all bad. Besides, it’s not like I can never do a diplomatic mission again, or anything. I just maybe need to do it with a partner so they can tell me if I’m being a weirdo; that way I won’t be so scared that I’m going to fuck up all the time.”

“It’s not fine, Lance, and you’re not a weirdo.”

Lance makes a face. “I mean, objectively —”

“No, Lance. Listen to me. Are you listening to me?”

Lance looks at him with wide eyes, shocked by his intensity. He nods.

“You’re not a weirdo. I mean it. You’re just fine the way you are. And it’s not fine that I put you through that; I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”

“I’m really not angry with you, Shiro. Seriously. I forgive you, or whatever. It was an accident, okay?”

Shiro’s clearly not going to get anything else out of him, so he decides to take what he can get.

“Alright, bud. Okay.” He squeezes Lance’s hands one more time, before moving to get up — Jesus Christ, that’s hell on his knees, he should have thought that one through and sat down, or something; but whatever, Lance is feeling better, so it’s worth it — and sit back down on his chair.

“Okay. Well, now that we’re on the same page, what do you think, Lance? Where should we go from here?”

As much as Shiro just wants to wrap Lance up in a million blankets and keep him away from anything that will every hurt him again, he realizes that that’s a guilty overreaction, and likely not what Lance needs. The best thing he can do for Lance, right now, is be as clear as possible so he doesn’t make mistakes like this in the future.

“Well, you were right on one part, like I mentioned,” Lance says, after thinking for a moment. “I like the social part. It’s fun. And so long as I’m not actively doing something wrong, I like the diplomacy stuff, too. But I’m always nervous because I feel like I’m going to say something wrong, or I’ll miss something and do something wrong. So that part kind of ruins the enjoyment part.”

“Okay — so what do you think will make that easier?”

“Maybe if I didn’t have to go alone?” Lance suggests. “Like, I have no problems when we do diplomacy missions as a team. I know we can’t afford to send everyone on these smaller missions, but maybe if I had a partner, it wouldn’t be so stressful?”

“That sounds great,” Shiro encourages. “We can do that. What else makes these missions hard?”

“Um, as much as I have fun, they’re kind of draining?”

Shiro hums. “I see. Is that why you always disappear into your room afterwards?”

“Yeah. It’s a lot of sound and light and stuff like that, so it’s nice to just quiet down after. And, some cultures are less direct than others, so I have a harder time trying to figure out the etiquette and what they’re trying to tell me, which is really draining. So sometimes I’m really exhausted after.”

“That makes sense. Hey, Lance —” Shiro gently bumps their shoulders together — “this is all easily doable, okay? This is not a problem in any way. We can make this happen. We want to make this happen, make this less stressful for you, okay?”

Lance takes a deep breath, shoulders slumping as he exhales. Most of the stress on his face fades, and he shoots Shiro a small, relieved smile.

“Okay,” he says. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, kiddo. I mean it. I want you to come to me if you’re struggling — we’re a team. I want to help you, not find an excuse to get angry with you. We’ll fix things together, but I can only do that if you come to me. Promise you’ll do your best?”

“I promise.”

“Good. Do you still want to do that mission today? I’ll go with you; Allura can go on the supply run with Keith; she’ll be happy about that.”

Lance brightens. “Yeah! Coran was telling me about the Juyins, they sound so cool! They have laser eyes. I can’t wait to meet them!”

Lance gets up, gathering the forgotten file and tucking it under his arm. Shiro follows him as he makes his way out of the briefing room, chattering all the while about all the awesome things the Juyins can do, and how much fun he and Shiro are going to have on the planet.

It’s very endearing. Shiro is very relieved he got the chance to sort this out with Lance, even if it was a difficult conversation to have, and also very pleased with how things turned out: it makes more sense to have a pair go on diplomatic missions, anyway. This decision was one he should have made months ago.

“Oh, by the way,” Lance says, stopping in his tracks. “Why did you say Allura would be excited to go on the supply run with Keith? She hates supply runs.”

If Shiro didn’t know Lance, he’d assume it was simply an innocent, offhandedly curious question.

But he does know Lance, even better now than before. And he can see exactly what that question is really asking.

“Don’t worry, Loverboy,” he says drily. “She’s not fighting you for Keith, promise.”

“That’s not why I was asking,” Lance says hotly, lying like a liar.

Shiro raises a teasing eyebrow.

“I’m serious,” he insists, but his red face gives him away.

“Okay, okay,” Shiro says, pretending to surrender. He waits a moment for Lance’s blush to fade, then strikes:

“She’s excited because she heard Keith came out of your room this morning, and is very interested to interrogate him and find out why.”

As expected, the flush explodes back on Lance’s face, and he immediately starts sputtering.

“That’s not — it’s not what it — how did she know —”

“Maybe I should send Keith with you instead of me, huh?” Shiro teases, and Lance yells.

“No! Fuck off! It’s not — you suck!” he shouts, decking Shiro in the arm.

Shiro laughs. “Oh, buddy,” he says, slinging an arm around Lance’s shoulder. “I thought I was going to get to bother Keith today, but this is so much better. You are going to be stuck in a lion with me for several hours. I cannot wait.”

Lance scowls, but doesn’t try to shove Shiro off, which tells Shiro all he needs to know. “I changed my mind. I don’t want your help anymore, I can do this alone. Ugh.”

Shiro presses a kiss to Lance’s head, ruffling his hair.

“Not a chance, kiddo,” he says over Lance’s grumbles, “not a chance.”

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emotionallychargedtowel · 1 year

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The Eighth Sense episodes 9 and 10: All we can do is try

Wow! I think for the most part the showrunners of T8S did really well with the final two episodes. I have a few quibbles, but they managed to tie up most of the loose ends convincingly and do something worthwhile with the therapy part of the story, so I’m calling it a win.

These episodes don’t include a lot of further development of the psychological themes of the show, and for good reason. They’re too busy resolving everything that has already been brought up. But they do portray some shifts and make some statements about the characters and the larger themes they’re engaged with. Some fall a bit flat, most are good, and a few are really outstanding.

Below are the subject headings I’ll be getting into under the cut:

The final therapy scene

Being selfish

A shift for Jae Won

When it’s OK to expect “too much”

All we can do is try

Miscellaneous lingering thoughts

Tagging you again, @waitmyturtles!

The final therapy scene

Jae Won’s therapist has always had a style that is informal and blunt, plays around with boundaries, and uses humor. I would have expected her to be willing and able to use confrontation in therapy as well, because that strategy really goes along with that overall style. Well, in this episode she confronted Jae Won quite directly. She definitely didn’t pull any punches but I think she stayed within the range of reasonable therapy strategies. One thing I can say for this show’s portrayal of therapy: they have created a three-dimensional therapist character who has a specific, consistent style that is cohesive and realistic. So, a little background about therapists directly sharing their unvarnished perspective with clients. In most types of therapy work and in most styles of doing therapy, the therapist develops a conceptualization of a client early on in their time together, then revises or adds to it as they learn more. Often, certain things seem very clear to the therapist that are hard for the person themselves to see. (Of course, if you’re doing your job well, you kind of keep a mental asterisk next to any and all of these conclusions and don’t consider them confirmed until the client agrees.) The conceptualization includes not only diagnoses (which may be provisional) but also thoughts about how the client’s difficulties probably came about (a.k.a. their etiology) and thoughts about what sort of changes are needed in order for them to feel better and function in a more adaptive way.

Most of the time it’s not a good idea to just blurt those things out to the client. They usually need to come to certain conclusions on their own. There are ways of helping them toward those conclusions or feeding them small bits of them in a way that helps them to cobble together their own version of that insight on their own. But to a great extent, they have to figure it out themselves.

Still, there are some times when it makes sense to directly hand a piece of your conceptualization over to the client, even if it’s challenging for them to hear. This is what Jae Won’s therapist does. At a point where some therapists would be keeping their ideas to themselves, she comes right out and tells Jae Won he’s being selfish. In real life, this degree of confrontation would only work if the therapist was leveraging both a strong rapport and a strong base of knowledge about the client (preferably, these would have been built up over the course of years). This would be hard to show specifically in a tv series, but I’m assuming that Jae Won’s therapist has those resources in hand and is using them in this way.

And she doesn’t pull any punches! If anything, she might be intentionally putting things in a way that’s critical toward Jae Won. Why would she do that? Well, I think what she’s after isn’t just a chance to be direct with Jae Won about her viewpoint on his situation. I think she’s also hoping to give him a kind of jolt that will wake him up, so to speak. It’s related to something I wrote about in my last T8S post. There’s a theory that in order to go from a depressive, dissociated type of PTSD expression (associated with an acute “freeze” response to trauma) to a more healthy engagement with life, you have to pass through a more activating kind of PTSD symptoms (associated with a fight and/or flight acute response). This is a great example of that. Jae Won’s PTSD is very much of the freeze-y, depressive type. Getting irritated with his therapist helps him to start connecting with his emotions again, and that sort of snowballs into him getting increasingly un-frozen.

As usual, it’s hard to situate the therapy session shown at the beginning of episode 9 at a precise point in relation to other events in the story. But wherever its exact chronological position is, it definitely seems to inform the choices Jae Won makes from that point on. It’s funny how human beings can defend ourselves against the things others say to us and seem so sure of ourselves but then, perhaps after more thought, can still take in what they said. Jae Won protested that this was how things had to be, at least for now, when his therapist pushed him. But he wound up taking what she had to say to heart.

One of the things I appreciated most about this therapy scene was the fact that it seems to have actually made an impact on Jae Won and on the story more broadly. I’ve been worried pretty much from the start of this series that even if therapy was portrayed in a complex, realistic, but positive way, it still wasn’t likely to be shown as an agent for change. But this portion of this session seems like it at least made a significant impact. I found it really encouraging to see that.

The next part of episode 9 is the conversation Ji Hyun has with Joon Pyo and then, once she arrives, with Ae Ri. I found this scene a little bit clunky. Suddenly it’s as if Ae Ri is Ji Hyun’s therapist and not a fellow college freshman. It didn’t really seem realistic as a discussion between people their age. But it served its purpose. Ji Hyun needed a nudge to consider how Jae Won’s trauma history played into his reaction to the accident and his treatment of Ji Hyun, and this conversation got him there.

Ae Ri also exhorts Ji Hyun to be patient and careful and not try to rush things with Jae Won. Events in the story seem to show that her advice was correct. But I have some quibbles with it, which I’ll explain further below.

Being selfish

In both Jae Won’s conversation with his therapist and Ji Jyun’s conversation with Ae Ri and Joon Pyo, there’s a theme of selfishness. I want to dig a little deeper on that. Jae Won’s therapist tells him he’s being selfish. A lot of what she mentions is more along the lines of being self-absorbed. He simply isn’t considering how Ji Hyun might feel. Trauma often causes people to be more self-absorbed, so this stands to reason. But there is also an element of actual selfishness at work. Jae Won frames his avoidance of Ji Hyun as protecting his friend, and he does sincerely think he’s doing that. But he’s also trying to protect himself--in fact, I’d say that is a bigger factor for him. Avoiding Ji Hyun allows him to avoid his memories of the accident (and the reminders of his brother’s death that come with them). He thinks it will allow him to avoid suffering another loss and feeling the pain that comes with that (though in fact, for the period where he pushes him away, he’s actually causing himself to lose Ji Hyun). He doesn’t want to feel all of the difficult emotions that come with everything that has happened, and he makes that a priority over being there for someone who loves him and who has also just experienced something traumatic.

(By the way, does this dynamic--saying you’re putting another person first but not really considering their perspective, staying in your safe zone within your own head and abdicating your responsibility to someone who loves you--sound like another BL character you know? Yep, it’s a different version of the Hira Kazunari maneuver. It has a very different spin on it but there’s also a good deal of overlap. Thanks to @jemmo for pointing out this and other parallels between T8S and Utsukare, though it’s possible I’m taking this in a different direction than they would.)

At the same time, Jae Won is a survivor of trauma. And I’d bet dollars to donuts he also experienced complex trauma in the form of physical abuse by his dad. He just got out of the military and is still adjusting to that transition. Meeting Ji Hyun and facing the feelings he has for him is a mostly positive thing, but at the same time, it shakes up his whole world and his way of relating to others. He’s going through a lot and has a limited amount of insight into his own situation. Personally, I’d hesitate to simply label him as selfish. But his therapist’s interpretation is valid, and may have been intentionally expressed in a simple and confrontational way in order to get through to Jae Won.

What about Ji Hyun? Ae Ri doesn’t say he’s selfish, but he says during they’re conversation that he thinks he’s been selfish and she says, “What’s done is done,” seeming to tacitly agree with him. It’s true that he has been focused on what’s happening between him and Jae Won and hadn’t considered how Jae Won’s prior trauma history might be playing a role in his behavior until that point. But he’s just a kid, he just went through a traumatic experience himself, and it’s totally legitimate for him to be preoccupied with the Jae Won situation under the circumstances.

So, are they both being selfish? Kinda. Is it that simple? No. Did they come by their self-absorption honestly? You bet they did. But they both benefit from getting a wake-up call, so it seems there’s no harm done even though that label is rather reductive.

While I’m talking about Ae Ri’s sudden turn toward sounding like a therapist, there’s another big thread in her discussion, and that is the need to approach Jae Won very carefully and gently. Honestly, I don’t really get this. It’s not a bad idea. It’s often a good idea when dealing with anyone who’s experiencing a lot of distress. But it’s also not some kind of well-known principle of relating to or repairing with a trauma survivor. I would say that it depends on the survivor and the situation. Ji Hyun has already struck out while being more overt in his pursuit of Jae Won at this point, so changing his tack makes sense. But Jae Won’s therapist got some mileage out of confronting him. I guess I just find this kind of random. Well, it figures that a freshman fine arts major might not have the most flawless psychological insights. But this, along with Ae Ri’s abrupt shift in tone, ends up feeling like another way in which this scene seems kind of half-baked.

A shift for Jae Won

Throughout episode 9, Jae Won seems to be “thawing out.” His affect starts to be less blunted from the start of the episode. I think he comes back to himself a bit more after Eun Ji tricks him into kissing her in front of Ji Hyun. I had said before these episodes dropped that his protective feelings toward Ji Hyun could get him out of freeze mode, and although I was picturing something more clear and dramatic, I think some degree of that may have played a role once he saw what seeing them did to Ji Hyun.

For a second, when Yoon Won meets with Ji Hyun and Jae Won to talk about writing a report for the university on how the accident happened, I thought they were actually going to sit down and hash out what happened and try to sort through the roles they played. Honestly, I think it could have been great. It could have functioned as a form of exposure, which counteracts the temptation to avoid that fuels PTSD. It could have been an opportunity to expose the cognitive distortions that Jae Won was harboring in his attempt to blame himself for the accident. They had a neutral, but kind, third party present that could have kept them from being so reactive toward each other that they couldn’t accomplish their task. But they the story went another route. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought it was a missed opportunity. There was still an important moment here, though--Ji Hyun reaching for Jae Won’s hand and persevering even after Jae Won initially shrugs him off. The way it was filmed was so evocative.

I loved that Ji Hyun bought Jae Won a new camera. I don’t particularly think he knew the connection between Jae Won’s old camera and his younger brother, though it’s possible. It seems like he was more motivated by wanting to, as he put it in his card, “support [Jae Won’s] dream.” Then he ended up re-enacting Jae Won’s brother’s gift in a way. I wouldn’t have assumed that would be helpful in real life, but it could be, and in this instance it seems that it was. There was definitely a nice full-circle aspect to it, narratively speaking.

All of this, together, made for a pretty convincing progression leading to Jae Won opening back up to and finally responding to Ji Hyun. Pretty convincing, within the realm of fiction. And I desperately wanted a happy ending for this show, so I’m definitely not complaining there. But relative to the can of worms the showrunners had opened up in the last two episodes, I felt like the change in Jae Won that was needed for a happy ending wasn’t quite earned. Maybe I have a little too much background knowledge of trauma for my own good? I’ve seen, and experienced, how much time and work it takes to come back from the state Jae Won was in during episodes 8 and 9, but if I knew a little less maybe I wouldn’t perceive a disconnect here. I guess if I could change something I would either have made things a bit less extreme when Jae Won hit bottom or I would have included a more dramatic plot twist to get to the resolution, one that could have balanced out the intensity by giving him some sort of huge motivation to get out of his rut. Which probably would have involved torturing both him and Ji Hyun even more, which of course I didn’t want. But I guess I’d still prefer something that seemed more realistic to me.

In the end I’m reminded of Utsukushii Kare again (”what doesn’t remind you of Utsukushii Kare, Towel?” you may ask, and you’d have a point). At the end of season 1, UK led the audience down a path toward a well-composed ending. But when I rewatched it and looked at it more closely, it seemed a little convenient, and more than a little bit sudden, that Hira finally got his head out of his ass when he did. And then what happened when we got to season 2? He’d reverted to form in a lot of ways. It was frustrating to an extent, but I was glad. Because it made more sense for that character to have to put in more time and work to earn that degree of change. If we get more of The Eighth Sense--and I wouldn’t be surprised if that happened, since the showrunners have already dropped hints--I think we might see them doubling back a bit into those pieces that don’t seem fully resolved here.

When it’s OK to expect “too much”

I wrote in my last T8S post about Ji Hyun’s comment about wanting to help Jae Won heal. Basically, I said that there was likely some degree of naïveté on display there, but at the same time, I think that those of us watching the show from the United States and other places where individualism is the rule have a bias against the idea of wanting, asking for, or expecting a certain level of care from the important people in our lives--a level of care that is actually quite reasonable. One of my favorite things about the last two episodes of T8S is that there are moments when the show makes a strong case for normalizing expecting a lot from--and being willing to offer a lot to--one’s partner.

This gets shown metaphorically in the “game” Ji Hyun introduces to Jae Won toward the end of episode 10. Here’s how I wrote it down in my notes:

JH: Hyung.

JW: Yes?

JH: Do you know that game?

JW: What game?

JH: Take two steps back. (JW's hesitant.) Come on.

(JW steps back, looking just a little bit forlorn.)

JH: If you take two steps away from me, I'll...take three steps towards you.

(He does, then steps back to his former position again.)

JH: Take two steps forward.

(JW does.)

JH: If you take two steps forward, I will be here waiting.

This was without a doubt my favorite moment in the last two episodes, possibly of the series as a whole. It’s a really meaningful statement of commitment. I’ve written about the pursuer-distancer dynamic in BLs in the past. I didn’t see a lot of it in this series. I think that’s because we just barely get to see Jae Won and Ji Hyun’s relationship get off the ground and there are so many other obstacles they have to overcome that they don’t get that many chances to run into challenges in that area. But i think that framework is useful for talking about the “game.” In a very real sense, Ji Hyun is saying, “if you distance yourself from me, I’ll pursue you. If you pursue me, I won’t distance myself.” The healthiest way to handle pursuer-distancer roles in a relationship isn’t to avoid ever pursuing or distancing. It’s to stay flexible enough that either partner can pursue or distance at different points when it’s needed without getting calcified into one habitual, exaggerated role. That’s part of what Ji Hyun describes here. He’s also describing a determination to stay steadfastly emotionally available even in the face of the kind of circumstances that drive both pursuing and distancing. It’s beautiful.

All we can do is try

There’s one thing The Eighth Sense has over Utsukushii Kare (season 2, specifically), and that is that Jae Won and Ji Hyun openly acknowledge something that Hira and Kiyoi never state directly (and maybe haven’t even figured out yet at the end of season 2). In the last scene, Ji Hyun asks Jae Won if he thinks they’ll be OK, and he replies, “All we can do is try.” He’s echoing both Ji Hyun’s boss and Yoon Won here, as both have made this point in different ways. (It reminds me of the old-fashioned screenwriting convention of having any really important piece of information repeated three times.) There are no guarantees and there’s no ironclad way to make sure things will work out. In fact, things are bound to not work out in some respects. The trick is to be able to sit with that and keep going anyway. I have a few last unwritten Utsukare posts living in my brain and one of them is about the “contradictory” or “bittersweet” feeling both Hira and Kiyoi talk about in their voiceovers during season 2 and how I think what they’re describing is just the inherent contradictory nature of loving someone. Loving someone means being drawn to them, wanting to be with them, feeling willing to put yourself out there for them, but it also involves a risk that can be deeply scary (even scarier if you have as much baggage as Hira and Kiyoi). But this never gets stated--it’s like neither of them quite figures it out. But by the end of The Eighth Sense, Jae Won understands this. He may still need some more time to fully take it in, but at least he’s aware of it on an intellectual level. Love is risk and there’s no way to avoid that aspect of it, but it can be more than worth it. “Let's try it together,” Jae Won tells Ji Hyun, “even if we're afraid.”

Miscellaneous lingering thoughts

I’m not entirely happy with the way Dae Hyung and Eun Ji were redeemed. Jae Won’s discussion of Dae Hyung’s genuineness took me by surprise and made a degree of sense. I’m not entirely sold on it, but I’m more sold on it than I would have expected. But Eun Ji? It’s like by the end of episode 10, she’s had a complete personality transplant. And then she makes that nonsensical comment about the five senses? I found it all a bit ham-fisted.

I loved the “don’t just treat me cute” scene. It was (sorry, Ji Hyun) cute as hell, and it introduced some additional complexity to the characters and their relationship. But I think it was also a deliberate response to BL tropes, especially tropes that many have noted are particularly widespread in Korean BLs. Jae Won is pretty clearly a seme figure in the story. He does most of the pursuing. He also has some of the more stereotypical seme qualities. He’s older, he’s a bit taller, and he has a broader build than Ji Hyun. He’s the “hyung” in more ways than one. But whereas we might expect Ji Hyun, the younger, somewhat smaller uke, to become like a “blushing maiden” type in the bedroom, he shows a completely different side here. “Don't just treat me cute,” he says. “You don't know what's coming.” He smiles during that last part, and it’s at least partially lighthearted. But that line is also sincere. And it acts as a kind of commentary from the showrunners. “You don’t know what’s coming,” they tell us. “The seme/uke role split, age, and relative size of these characters doesn’t predict how they’ll relate to each other sexually.” Good for them! More BLs should include gestures like this one.

I love that Yoon Won and Joon Pyo hooked up. They’re both such straightforward sweeties that it makes sense that they didn’t waste any time wondering if the other was into them or worrying about the implications and instead just skipped ahead to hardcore making out. Also, heaven forbid an older woman take an interest in a younger man! That aspect seemed like another way of pushing against conventions.

I’ve made quite a few critical comments about the final two episodes here, but I want to make it clear: I thought these episodes, as well as the series overall, were really well done. I enjoyed the series a lot. It stumbled in places, mostly because it’s so ambitious. But the result is really admirable.

#The Eighth Sense #the eighth sense meta #the eighth sense discussion #the eighth sense analysis #psychology of bl #jae won x ji hyun

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