#hoping tumblr appreciates my fixation better than twitter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

belle-keys · 1 year

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hi! i'm a new tumblr resident. i've visited this site a couple of times in the past during the peak of a few of my hyper fixations but never stayed long enough to discover the other good stuff. now i'm trying my best to learn about tumblr etiquette and the culture of the communities that i would like to partake in. one of them, is book tumblr or bookblr (?) i'm not sure which is the proper term sorry. if you don't mind, can i ask for a brief guide on navigating the book community here? and how does it differ from say, booktwt or booktok? i am ignorant about this stuff and would really appreciate some help.

thank you for taking the time to read this ♡ i hope you have a nice day!

Hi hi!

In terms of the book community on here, I'd say to use the tag to find whatever blogs you may be interested in. If, for example, you like The Secret History by Donna Tartt, maybe try looking on the "the secret history" tag to find some popular blogs that are dedicated to the book. From thereon, you can send asks to get better recommendations for blogs that give you exactly what you are looking for. Don't be shy to send asks to your favorite blogs. If you're a minor, maybe say so in your bio as some blogs post NSFW content that they don't intend for minors to interact with. Other than that, you should be fine! Be sure to tag when you post and you'll gain some traction.

I, personally, would say to stay away from booktwt. Because you're limited to a couple hundred characters at most on Twitter, you see a lot of nonsensical "hot takes" that only consist of buzzwords and little criticisms. Also, Twitter is just far too... political in terms of how much identity politics play a role in the book community and even I have a limit. Plus, Twitter is like ten times the size of Tumblr, meaning there's way too much noise, way too much stuff going on, way too many users. And the algorithm always shows me the most toxic shit that's popular. I hate Twitter. Tumblr doesn't have a real algorithm which makes it suitable for me. I don't use Tiktok because it's a cesspool but most people have ridiculous opinions on there and they read the same five books over and over, so I can't say I recommend booktok.

I myself use bookstagram (link in bio) and Tumblr for my bookish needs. The former is especially great for recommendations, diverse readers, and pretty pictures.

#anon ask #ask #bookish #books and literature #reading #booktok #booktwt #books

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tomatograter · 3 years

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i saw on twitter you reread the epilogues! would it be okay to ask how you feel about them now on a reread? have any of your opinions changed, for better or worse? i've really loved the art and analysis that's come out of your tumblr/twitter ever since they dropped, so i'm excited to know what you think. i couldn't get a great read on your feelings based on your tweets so that is why i am asking directly, hope that's okay!

Not much changed. That wasn't the first time I attempted to re-read the HS Epilogues, I've gone through bits and pieces of them a handful of times in the years since the original release and it's an effort I make to remind myself of events that happened because I tend to... forget. I don't mind reading books, I like those! In the hellscape that was 2020, according to my StoryGraph stats (great new site, by the way, stop using the Amazon-clawed Goodreads and transfer your account to a black led effort to diversify the current literary environment) I managed to read about 22 new books. Not too shabby for a total dumbass. The problem isn't that it was text-only, they just sort of mush together as a nondescript mass in my brain given enough time.

The first time I finished the epilogues, I said they felt like a purposefully unfinished text, but one at odds with itself (though in much more undercooked words, as I had just spent the last 2 days busy reading it) and it's an impression that has deepened since.

I do not mean anything like "Meat contradicts Candy" with this, that'd be foolish; the dissonance is the fucking point. I know how dubiously canon alternate universes work and I *enjoy* them, otherwise I wouldn't have wasted years in the circus ring that is accompanying Big 2 Comics in the hopes they'd do anything genuinely cool with that concept. Instead, I find there is a general problem in terms of internal cohesion. The Epilogues want to be a lot of things at once, be it a continuation, an expulsion, a deliberate attempt at public scorn, a somewhat genuine play in heartfelt analysis, a reinvention of what came before, or a loaded gun pointed straight at one's own foot. And in the process, they end up undermining the impact of their own strongest moments.

I don't like the Epilogues. Their lukewarm indecisiveness makes for a poor reading experience that needs far more asides, warnings and 'before you read it-'s than the book is worth. It is a text with a particularly distasteful, juvenile fixation in the show and repeated humiliation of sexual abuse victims, and manages to be more regressive about its female characters and what roles they're allowed to play than Homestuck, the 2009 Comic, ever was. And that was disappointing. It's as if the coming of adulthood must sort them into one of two categories: "wanted, desirable" woman or "unwanted, undesirable" woman. It also interacts with trans women in a really shitty way. It is a text married to traditional white-centric politics that makes an attempt to challenge them from that same perspective but falls flat on its face by pulling big moves like "making the alien-Hitler analogue character fight for a rebellion meant to represent racial liberation" and other unsavory choices. But I don't need to like the Epilogues to acknowledge them as both a text that exists and works within a shared universe.

They're pretty fertile ground for dissection and analysis. I think it's interesting how they accentuate some of the worst facets of the HS "canon"/"lore" by being incredibly blatant about their connection to stuff like the Skaianet archives, how they play with Fanservice and Fan Expectation by dedicating so much time to solving or sinking ‘The Davekat Equation’, and how they elaborate on complex facets of old characters. It's a text that acknowledges the existence of fanfiction and popular fanworks on a direct quotable basis (like "Can't sleep without holding onto a motherfucker" of 4Chords fame) as well as Fan Movements that preceded it (the also Gamzee-based "Free the clown!" Rush from 2016) it's intrinsically interactive, and that's not something you can say about a lot of media. The olive branch beckons.

I don't recommend the Epilogues. To me, the Epilogues portray glimpses of two potential, but not absolute, futures soaked in limiting metadoomer pessimism, best appreciated as "what-if" tales taking on the questions of serialization, post-myth, the self-cannibalistic nature of franchises, the abstractness of Canon, the absurdity of fanon, and why fascists like milk. The Epilogues are also not going to magically disappear or un-exist from our collective recollection anytime soon, or… ever. These statements coexist.

I think complex feelings towards media are best put to use in the making of your own art, which is unsurprising, given the fact I'm an artist and a fag, & I've personally enjoyed creating things that interact and rebuke aspects of that text. I've also been graced with the existence of wonderful art from others doing the same, may that be in the form of illustrations, written epics, analyses, comics, videos, songs, the collective transgendering of the series' main character, and all sorts of harder-to-categorize community creations. You can make the best of it. That's my favorite part of the whole ordeal, and one I don't regret one bit.

I hope this is an appropriately satisfying answer on this subject, and if it isn't, well, here's the thing; you can write a better one.

#homestuck #meta #the homestuck epilogues

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jasminebythebay · 3 years

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Art Summary of 2020!

I went absolutely ballistic this year (except for February lmao) because of quarantine. Starting from from around May, I was able to more consistently produce art in the past 7 months than any other year in my life and I think that really helped me improve this year. Part of this was definitely due to the fact that I was always at my computer, which now never left my desk unlike at school where I would have to move around for classes. This meant that my tablet could always remain plugged in, meaning it was easy to just grab it and start drawing. I also switched over to CSP after I got it with my new tablet earlier this year and wow, CSP is king. Every piece from April onwards was made using CSP.

In terms of art improvement, I became considerably more comfortable using my tablet and really started to understand how to paint. There is a pretty noticeable difference between my art in March/April and my art in every month after. I was also allowed time and space to actually study. Because of how quickly I was able to produce art, I was able to immediately apply lessons I learned from the previous piece into each subsequent piece. In particular, I became a lot more familiar with the face, it’s shape, and all its little details. I love painting faces now. It’s so much fun! My ability to produce art constantly also meant that I produced a lot of small sketches in between!

I bounced around a lot of fandoms this year lmao. Started the year following the release of Pokemon Sword and Shield. Shortly after, I caught up to Jojo and fixated on that series for the next several months. In May, middle school me reared its ugly head. I got back into Naruto (and oh boy, analyzing the series as an adult revealed a lot of ugly things 12-year-old me didn’t catch on to). If that wasn’t enough, Mianite, a Minecraft series I was a big fan of in middle/early-high school came back. In July, I finally watched ATLA. That same month, Haikyuu!! ended, leading me to spend the rest of the year in haikyuu-induced delirium. I spent so much money on Haikyuu merch. So much. Finally, Hades came out in October and I’ve spent over 100 hours on that game and in December I’ve finally come down from my Haikyuu high. But only a little bit.

My goals next year include continuing to improve my art. I want my composition and color theory to improve so that I can create art that is more vibrant and eye-catching. But even more importantly, I want my art to tell a story and invoke feeling. I started doing that this year, but I can do better. Finally, I also want to increase my social media presence. I’ve been more consistently gaining followers (except Instagram. Fuck Instagram’s algorithm. The elections fucked my ability to be discovered and now my interaction rates are trash. I get 8k likes on Twitter and 50 likes on Instagram) so I’m hoping that early next year, I’ll hit 1000 followers on Tumblr and Twitter! If I’m super ambitious I might aim for 2000, but I’ll be satisfied with 1000!

Thank you everyone for sticking with me this year! I don’t say this enough but appreciate each and every one of you being here. I don’t think I could’ve gotten where I am without your support! Here’s to 2021!

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highkeyweeb · 4 years

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To start this off on the most positive note I can, I would like to say that I love MHA. It’s a show I was skeptical to watch at first, but hooked me in faster than any anime had in a long time. I became very easily captivated by its characters and its story and can’t wait to see where Horikoshi takes it and the plan he has for it moving forward.

Now on the more upsetting side of things… The MHA/BNHA fandom has, and pardon my French (Aoyama would be disappointed), gone to shit. I first learned about everything that was going on when a friend sent me a Tiktok. They always send me MHA Tiktoks because they know I love them and they always make me smile seeing skits, or cosplay or whatever else people do because they’re showing their love for the fandom. So it undoubtedly shattered my heart when I saw how horrific things are in the fandom right now. Needless to say that’s not what I was expecting when I opened my messages.

I quickly tried to get as informed on the situation as I could (because honestly you should never take any information you get from Tiktok at face value, ALWAYS try to educate yourself more). It led me to a new article, some Twitter posts, and a certain Instagram post.

I’ll say this right now: as a KiriBaku shipper, it would break my heart if KiriBaku, or any other ship for that matter, became canon simply because the author was pressured into pleasing a toxic fanbase.

To be a fan of something isn’t to want it to follow YOUR vision. It isn’t even about being happy about everything that happens in the story. It’s about being involved, and being able to voice your opinions in a healthy, open-minded, and nonjudgemental way. Some people like Bakugo, others do not. Some people aren’t even a fan of the protagonist of the story, AND THAT’S OKAY. You don’t have to love every part of something to be a part of a fandom.

But just because you DON’T love a part of something, or what YOU want hasn’t happened, doesn’t mean that you should ruin the experience for everyone.

Shipping isn’t about ships becoming canon. As a shipper from multiple fandoms, I’ll be the first and hopefully not the last to tell you that. There are wholesome ways to feed your passion for a ship, and there are definitely wrong ways to go about doing that as well. I’ll tell you some healthy ways that I have used for years, and am still guilty of using to this day: fan art, fan fiction, and Tumblr.

Fan art is an obvious one. Not only do you get to see all the cute, romantic, wholesome/unwholesome moments between your ship, but you also get to support amazing creators who are exceptionally talented.

Fan fiction on the other hand, has such a negative connotation to it. On the surface level, 80% of fan fiction is badly written, meaningless sexualization of the characters, and has no structure. But I challenge shippers to look a little deeper, if you love a ship to the point where you want it to become canon, immerse yourself in a universe where that dream can come true! But DON’T push your visions onto other people.

It’s the same with religions, political views, and anything really. We’ve all spent time to develop our unique beliefs, and would hate for others to be violently forcing theirs onto us.

Now on to Tumblr. Yes, I know everyone has their reasons for hating or leaving Tumblr, but it’s a GREAT hub for people to get involved in fandoms in a healthy way. If you know a shipper of any kind, I challenge you again to tell them to try out Tumblr. If not for being a fan of the platform, but to be able to share your love for something in healthy and non-toxic way.

Now that is NOT to say take the toxic comments to another platform. If you or someone you know has commented, tweeted, or posted towards Horikoshi to make your ship canon (in any way shape or form) you are in the wrong. That isn’t the right way to show your adoration for something, no matter how peacefully or harmlessly you think you asked.

Now to get back to the issue at hand, this a very simple case of a few people ruining it for everyone. I wouldn’t be surprised if at this point Horikoshi just abandoned BNHA. It must be on his mind. And no matter how many people are telling you they love you and what you do, somehow your mind always manages to fixate itself on the negative, hateful, and hurtful comments. If you were ever a teenager, you might be able to understand that.

To everyone saying that shippers are ruining the fandom, I understand your anger. And on some level I empathize with it. But do try to understand that it isn’t shippers as a whole that are the source of all this negativity, it’s the select few of them that believe they are so entitled they can get whatever they want. If anyone out there is feeling like they have a right to have a say in things like which ships become canon or what path the story takes, remember: this isn’t your story. This is Horikoshi’s story, his universe, and his tale. He has the right, no… the PRIVILEGE to make it whatever he wants it to be. And I wholeheartedly believe that he will make it nothing short of spectacular.

Holy heck, I know this was way too long and no one read this through to it’s entirety but this was more of just a personal rant to get things that have been on my mind, OFF my mind. I can only hope that someone read what I said and realized something they did wrong, and a way they can change their actions in the future to make not only this fandom, but the world as a whole, a better place.

Have a great day everyone. ❤️

P.S. - To everyone saying they’re not gay, or it’s not a romance anime, etc. I want to remind you that not ALL ships are romantic ones. Now in this case I feel like the conversation is strictly talking about romantic ships, but just a reminder in case someone forgot or wasn’t aware. On top of that, there are PLENTY of non-romantic anime that have canonical pairs.

P.S.S. - Just as I was about to post this I thought of another thing: calling shippers mental, disgusting, or f-ed up is EXTREMELY generalizing, and gives an entire community of people a bad name when it’s just a select few. Also downright hating on certain ships because you don’t understand them or they seem outrageous to you is never acceptable, whether you’re a shipper or not. Now of course that’s not to say that you have to like everything but... if you don’t have anything nice to say then just don’t say anything at all.

This post is as much a message to the entitled shippers of the fandom, as it is to the toxic members of the fandom who turned to using hurtful words to put down those shippers in order to tell them they’re wrong. Two wrongs, NEVER make a right.

Feel free to reblog and add any constructive comments on things you think I may have missed. In a community where there is so much hate being thrown around right now, and people are being looked down upon for something that should be so harmless and simple, I would really appreciate it if there were no hurtful words associated with this post. Let’s go beyond Plus Ultra to make this fandom a better place. 💛

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not-xpr-art · 3 years

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Art Advice #6 - Ways to combat social media fatigue as a creative person

Hi guys!

This week’s topic is something I think any artist who’s predominantly active on social media will relate to; that feeling of utter helplessness at trying to live up to social media algorithms, which can really impact your mental and physical health...

I want to just offer some advice on how to feel less burnt out from art social media (advice I need to take myself sometimes)...

Ways to combat social media fatigue as a creative person (& how you can make social media overall a better place to be).

As I’ve already said, social media can take a big toll on your mental and physical health, particularly if you’re relying on it for your career (as a lot of artists and other creatives do).

This blog post aims to offer some small pieces of advice to help make your life a little easier when navigating the world of art social media!

1) Algorithms are built to destroy creativity.

I think we’ve all had that phase where we try and keep up with the fast paced algorithms of social media that demand we produce new content day after day, as well as constantly interacting with other people’s posts and spending a minimum amount of time on the app. And all of this leads to feeling fed up and tired when you’re using that particular social media.

For me, Instagram used to be such a wonderful place for sharing art. I met many amazing fellow artists, and the community that was formed their was genuinely lovely. Unfortunately, everything changed when the fire nation (Facebook) bought out the company & the whole site became so less friendly to smaller creatives.

I’ve heard a similar story from a lot of artists, who find Instagram’s focus on excessive posting and engagement, which mainly rewards big influencers or celebrities and not smaller accounts of creative people, incredibly disheartening. The algorithms don’t allow artists to naturally explore their creativity, and it leads to more and more artists getting just completely creatively burnt out.

Of course, this all sounds really pessimistic, but it doesn’t have to be. For me, places like Tumblr and the newly created Artfolapp, which (although not perfect) offer a great alternative to the algorithm heavy apps like Instagram, Facebook or Twitter. As with all socials, there’s a huge element of luck that comes with posting art (timezones, audience, etc can all play major parts in how well your art does), but I always find places where posting doesn’t feel like a chore are a lot more enjoyable.

Alternatively, as simple as it sounds I think a great way to start approaching all social media is to not focus on numbers. Instagram actually recently gave the option of being able to hide likes on others and your own posts, which I actually think is a great idea! Once you become less focused on numbers I think you can breathe a little easier!

2) Numbers =/= Your worth as a creative person.

Following on from my last point, it can often feel like if you’re posts aren’t getting as much attention as you used to then there’s something wrong with the work your doing.

Of course, this isn’t true at all, and most of us know this. Unfortunately if your posts are a part of your work, and the engagement they have is directly linked to how successful in your job you are (and how much money you make that week), then numbers are a lot harder to ignore.

My biggest piece of advice for this is to visualise the numbers as what they are; people actually interacting with your work! So even if it’s only 1 person, that’s still 1 entire person who enjoyed what you posted!

3) Luck be a b*tch, honestly ...

As previously mentioned, there is a lot of luck that comes with being successful on social media. Luck of posting in the right place at the right time, having one person with a bigger platform share your art, etc.

So there isn’t a lot of advice I can give in this section. One thing I’d recommend is involving yourself in a particular community or fandom. Even if you don’t do fancontent, finding a community where you can meet like-minded people and support each other’s work is a really useful thing!!

For fancontent (like fan art, edits, cosplay, covers, etc) you can just check out the tags of those fandoms! Even if it’s a small fandom, there is usually some content that already exists for it. Often by following a range of people in the various fandoms you enjoy can also lead to fun opportunities, like fan-zines or collaborations!

For non-fancontent it can feel like it’s a lot harder to find people to relate to. One thing I’d recommend is to find independent magazines online which specialise in sharing creative works! This can offer great chances to get your work featured, as well as meeting some fellow creatives!

Basically, curating your social media experience to feature people that inspire you & support you not only makes for a more enjoyable time being on social media, but it also means there’s more potential your work will be seen!

4) Passion Pays.

Audiences often know when you’re producing something because you feel like you have to (perhaps it’s fancontent for something you gained a lot of followers from, or a particular style that you’ve done for a long time) rather than from genuine passion, and that can be to your detriment.

My advice is to do what you’re actually passionate about, even if that means that some people may not be as interested. For example, I gained a significant portion of my followers on other social medias from posting Kpop fanart. And although I still do this occasionally, I only ever really do it when it’s something I really want to draw. Even though I know I could churn out a lot of Kpop content that those people who followed me for it would really like, I also like drawing other things & going out of my comfort zone in art.

And I know that the people who still follow and support me now understand this, and often appreciate that I draw things I’m unabashedly passionate about! It has also made me a lot happier overall with my own work, since I feel like I’m constantly pushing myself to do new and interesting things for me, and not to fulfil the interests of others!

This can also include a complete turn around of the kinds of things you create, by the way! If you’ve been a 2D artist for ages, but suddenly develop a passion for 3D sculpture, then go for it! Those who are still interested in your work will stick around. As well as this, you’ll grow an entirely new audience with the new creative outlet you start sharing! It’s honestly a win-win situation, and don’t let the fear of people not accepting the change hold you back!

5) TAKE BREAKS!

Possibly the most important piece of advice in this post is to remember to take a break from social media! Even if it’s something you rely on for your job, and the algorithms demand you spend time on them, try to take periods of time during your day to switch off from it.

Another thing I would also suggest is taking breaks from posting things. I did this in January because I wanted a break from forcing myself to live up to the hell of a posting schedule. I still did art, but without the pressure of having to post things I was able to take time and have a little more fun with it!

A final thing in this part that I’d suggest is taking breaks from doing creative stuff occasionally. If you’re anything like me, you probably spend nearly every day doing or at least thinking about creative things. And that can become very tiring! Whether it’s taking a week, a few days, or entire months, remember that your creativity and skill aren’t just going to disappear if you take a break from it for a bit!

I think creative people tell themselves that if they don’t keep posting, then people are going to stop supporting their work. But in my experience, people stick around even if you haven’t posted something in years! Because if someone enjoys your work, then they’re going to stick around regardless!

TL/DR

Basically to sum up, social media can be hell to navigate with it’s obsessive algorithms and posting schedules. But if you allow yourself to adapt to other sites/apps that don’t rely on those things, don’t fixate on numbers, curate your experience to both be inspiring and supportive, let your passion shine through, and remember to take breaks, then social media can become a lot more enjoyable!

I hope this post was somewhat helpful to anyone who struggles with this... I have to admit that I often don’t take my own advice in regard to social media, but I thought me posting this could help both of us out lol!

Check out my other Art Advice posts here if you’re interested!

#art advice #social media #art social media #creative people #social media advice #artist advice #advice #this is about 1400 words long btw... not the longest thing i've ever written but also not the shortest hmm #also as always feel free to message me if you want any more advice #or if you want me to write a post about something specific???#can be about literally anything art related!!

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demonologist-in-denim · 3 years

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Humming to himself, Crowley dusted the rich dark cocoa powder into the soft white flour, and reached for his trusty wooden spoon. Blending ingredients in a mixer tended to create a smoother batter, but Crowley enjoyed the feel of the spoon in his hand, the sound it made scraping the bottom of the bowl, the hands-on experience of turning flour and sugar and eggs into cake.

When the dry ingredients were properly combined, he made a well in the center and carefully poured in the buttermilk, eggs, butter and vanilla. Instead of the usual red food coloring, Crowley added in fresh beet puree – just enough to give the cake a velvety ruby hue. The rich cocoa would cover the hint of earth with a delicate chocolate flavor. The mixture was then evening distributed between three pans and scooched into the oven.

While the cakes baked, he set to work on the frosting. The softened cream cheese and unsalted butter whipped together beautifully. He settled on using far less powdered sugar than the recipe called for, wanting the tangy sweetness of the cream cheese to accent the cake all on its own.

“Would have asked about any preferences in decoration,” Crowley muttered to himself as he applied the crumb coating to the cake, once it was done baking and properly cooled, “but that would have tipped my hand.” Simple yet elegant seemed appropriate. After applying a thick final layer of cream cheese frosting, Crowley piped fluffy buttercream swirls along the rim of the red velvet cake. A soft pile of crumbled extra cake crowned the top, and he tossed more along the side to create a dusting effect.

There was nothing left now except to take the photo.

Which, as fate would have it, turned out to be the difficult part.

He positioned the cake on the kitchen table, and snapped a few photos. Crowley hmmmed to himself. It wasn’t quite up to his standard of food porn. Perhaps he’d take a few more, just to be on the safe side. Until one was suitably flattering. He was still adjusting the cake, playing with the proper angle and lighting for the perfect shot, when Sam and Dean strolled into the kitchen.

For a moment, they lingered at a respectful distance. But Crowley could sense their curiosity like a gathering storm of rose petals, soft yet burdensome.

“Can I help you two with something?”

Disbelief and delight were tugging a one-sided smile out of Sam. “Is – is that for Valentine’s Day?”

Valentine’s Day? Crowley narrowed his eyes at the elegant dessert. Bloody hell, the cake was red and white, wasn’t it? He hadn’t considered that when a bit of carefully applied questioning had disclosed the recipient’s cake preferences.

Crowley mulled the situation over. He couldn’t answer in the affirmative. That would mean he had intentionally crafted the cake as a celebration of gushy hearts and the sweet delirium of – internally, Crowley cringed – love. But he also couldn’t reply with a defensive and definitive “no”. That would only open him up to further, unwelcome inquiry.

He settled for the more characteristically dismissive third option.

“It’s Valentine’s Day?” Crowley steadfastly went back to attempting to capture the perfect photo with his phone. “I don’t bother myself keeping track of that sort of thing.”

Dean eyed the demon knowingly. “Yeah, well, our Netflix recommendations would say otherwise.”

Crowley glowered at the hunter.

“Whatever the occasion,” Sam offered up as his brother idled over to the cake, “that’s professional-grade baking. You’ve got a real talent. The frosting, the whole look? Seriously, I’m impressed.”

The arrow of this flannelled cupid hit its mark. Crowley felt a slight blush of pleasure, despite himself. Casual, unsolicited praise? From Sam Winchester? He seriously contemplated the possibility that Sam had been exposed to some sort of low-grade, poorly-concocted love spell that had bloomed into amiability, or maybe it had been released as a pink mist in the bunker’s common room, and Crowley had unknowingly avoided the worst of it. That seemed like the sort of malarkey that would happen around here on what, apparently, was Valentine’s Day.

Because Crowley found himself saying, “Thank you, Sam,” with actual sincerity. Moments such as these reminded Crowley that he was rather fond of these two boys, after all.

That was the moment Dean ran his finger along the edge of the cake, carrying off a large dollop of frosting from one side. The whole cake just looked so enticing! Dean was more of a pie man himself, but Crowley’s culinary expertise had the tendency to tempt him in surprising ways.

He was halfway to lifting the frosting-festooned finger to his mouth when he caught sight of the expression on Crowley’s face. Sam’s own face was a rotting lemon. Dean’s hand stilled, mouth still open.

“Um,” he muttered.

Dean looked at the offending finger, uncertain of what to do next. He started to put the frosting back where it belonged, thought better of it, looked for a napkin, and reluctantly settled for ashamedly completing the crime by depositing the frosting in his mouth.

Which was a mistake. Because now he knew the cake was friggin’ delicious, and Dean seriously wondered if maybe Crowley could manage his little photo shoot even if there was a slice of the cake missing.

As if he could read his brother’s mind, Sam shook his head in the most supreme disappointment. “Dean.”

“What?! Sorry!”

Reminding himself that murdering one Winchester brother would only end with him being ganked by the other one – though there were certainly times it seemed worth it – Crowley took a deep inhalation, and let it go. Cakes were ultimately meant to be eaten, even if it was by inconsiderate louts and lumberjacks.

“I’ll accept your apology, if you cut everyone else a slice before digging in yourself. I’m sure one of the photos I took before your little indiscretion will suffice.”

“Alright! Cake!” Dean cheered, while Sam just closed his eyes.

Crowley thumbed through the multitude of pictures he’d taken, and settled on the most appealing of the lot. Then he opened up his Bumblr app, and made a new post:

@petrichoravellichor – in honor of your birthday today. Heard from a mutual that you have a particular fondness for red velvet cake. Hope it’s to your liking. – C

He sent the message and image off with a satisfied smile, then set about getting plates and forks, as this cake was obviously not going to survive the interest of the Winchester brothers much longer.

As Crowley was pulling plates out of the cupboard and Dean was cutting into the cake, Castiel wandered into the kitchen, attention entirely given over to his phone. The angel had graduated from texting and emojis to social media and memes, and sometimes he could be found scrolling through Twitter and Instagram with a rapt fascination that would out-fixate even the most plugged-in FOMO-obsessed teenager. There was a chiming sound as he entered the kitchen, as notification of a new post.

“Dude,” Dean was grinning from ear to ear, “Crowley made cake!” He pointed with delight at the dessert.

Cas looked up from his phone, saw the cake, and halted in the middle of the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes, examining the red velvet cake on the table in front of him. Then he looked back down at his phone in consternation. Cas looked at the cake again. Looked back at his phone, and then slowly, he looked at Crowley.

The demon looked from the angel to the cake, his eyes increasing in size as realization dawned.

“Is that – ?”

“Don’t you say one bloody word, angel!” Crowley blustered, a rush of red to his face further colored by the mortification of such abject exposure. “Not one word!”

And before anyone could say anything else, Crowley shoveled a huge slice of not-at-all birthday cake onto a plate, shoved it into Cas’ hand, and quickly excused himself from the kitchen.

“What,” Sam wondered to the startled room, “was that all about?”

Cas continued to stand in the middle of the room, cake in one hand and phone in the other, attempting to come to terms with having inadvertently discovered a fandom mutual was also a real-life friend, and the one he would have least expected. Unsettled, he took comfort in the certainty their shared mutual would appreciate the well wishes on their birthday.

Dean shrugged, merrily flipped the serving knife in his hand, then waved the tip at his brother. “That’s Crowley for you,” he observed, good mood undeterred. “Dude would cut out his own heart and blend it to make red cake batter before admitting to it, but deep down, he’s just a big ol’ teddy bear who wuvs hugs. Speaking of which – you see that giant pink moose Eileen sent you? Friggin’ adorable.”

Dean proceeded to cut a huge slice for himself, leaving a worried looking Sam staring down at the blood-red cake. Then the hunter stepped around a disconcerted Castiel, patting the angel on the shoulder, and strolled out of the kitchen.

***

Happy birthday, Petra! I’m sure you’re tired of your birthday comingling with Valentine’s Day, but when you said your cake preference was red velvet cake, what was I to do? ;)

If you’re wondering exactly why – or even how – Crowley became a member of the in-world spn fandom, you can find out here. This fic will be posted on AO3 in my Tumblr Ficlets after posting on Tumblr.

Image sources here: X

#crowley #spn ficlet #spn fandom #spn crack #spn fanfic #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #one of the boys #fandom life #happy birthday #to you!#this was so much fun to write #i *may* have passed along to Crowley #your cake preference #hope you have a great day!

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cochart · 4 years

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I try to keep less than positive contents off my Tumblr, but this has been bothering me for a long time. It’s partly the reason why I don’t follow Tolkien topics on Twitter anymore.

I’m also not an art bot so this lady has her angers.

One thing that exhaust me about Twitter fandom is that they’re always complaining about how imperfect Tolkien’s works are; it’s not diverse enough, it’s not feminist enough, etc. etc.

Feeling disappointed that your beloved author did not write too much of a multicultural fiction is possible and that emotion of disappointment is valid. But fixating on how one old white male author born in late 19th century not doing a good enough of a job for socially conscious young adults in 2020 doesn’t seem reasonable to me. That notion that the work could be made “better in the future” (in forms of derivative film works) by fan input to me is frankly a little insulting. I consider Middle-earth series to be finished especially with Christopher Tolkien passing away. To argue that the fans should somehow improve the work doesn’t sit very well with me.

Wonderful thing about the books is that compared to some other novels, the characters’ appearances are rather vague. Often, the text describes the hair color, eyes and general impression but not much that pinpoints to a specific ethnicity. Fans can imagine the beloved characters in variety of ways and it’s great to see the different visual interpretations of characters. What I appreciate less, however, are the comments about how not enough people make Tolkien fan art that shows characters from diverse ethnicity. If people were bullying artists for making different, diverse interpretations of the story, that is condemnable and that problem should be named clearly. But criticizing the group for not making the interpretations that you prefer is a bit intrusive.

And like I said many times before, if you seek diversity in fantasy, the best way is to actually support diverse creators instead of trying to revive works by old white men again and again in hopes of it somehow redeeming itself with help from the fans. It’s like if you have a school cafeteria that only served hamburgers and wanted some international variety for the students, you would hope for different menues like Japanese grilled fish, Korean bibimbop, Greek gyros, etc. But instead, some person decides that it would be better to keep serving hamburgers but with soy sauce, gochujang, and yogurt.

Oh, and some people would inevitably be thinking “people can’t be that nosy maybe they’re just really disappointed and just showing their emotions.” Well no. That’s why I ended up muting a lot of Tolkien related English speaking accounts on Twitter. Sure there are some chill bunch out somewhere but there is definitely some vocal people who devote more time outlining why an old white Englishman’s 20th century fiction is not up to 21st century standards than anything else. In my honest opinions, people really need to dial back on their idea that everything they enjoy from fantasy novels to strawberry shortcakes should embody all of their ethics and values. That is why you get some people who argue to the point of absurdity that Tolkien’s works are God-sent perfect blessing that is an incarnation of human morals and salvation on one side and the other people who want to make a march of penitents because the Middle-earth is wrong on every conceivable level with old white guy manifest in every punctuation on the other.

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livingasaghost · 4 years

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ten years ago i sat down at my ancient desktop computer at my old house and created this blog.

because i was fifteen and i wanted to share pretty pictures and reblog things about taylor swift. and at the time i felt so ~cool~ and it was just a way for me to escape high school. i was a very different person then and some days i think about that time and it feels like a lifetime ago. and in some ways, it was. i can never revisit that place or that person. i was so unsure of myself, so captivated by a life i thought i could never have. and now...i’m where i always wanted to be. i’m getting ready to query my (hopefully) debut novel. i’m living in an apartment, far away from my parents. i’m taking photos as my full-time job. and i’ve met taylor swift. and all of that is just...a million miles away from where i ever thought i’d end up. and all i remember at fifteen was that i didn’t know how people grew up. i didn’t see how you went from point a to point b, scared high schooler to a confident adult who knows how to do shit. and what i’ve learned since then is that the only way out is through. you get experience by living and being scared and pushing onward. and i’m still fucking terrified. i thought the fear would end one day, but it’s still there, pushing in on all sides. and i’m still afraid of similar things, but a lot of my fears from back then are irrelevant now.

i can’t believe i’ve been shitposting for a decade. that’s unbelievable to me. it feels like speak now just came out. it feels like i was just in my parents’ old house, staying up late listening to my ipod. and somedays i miss that so much it hurts. i’ve been scanning old photos lately, revisiting the good old days, and even though i remember vividly hating myself at fifteen, wishing i was anywhere else...i still miss it. i took it all for granted back then. i wish i could go back and see my grandparents again. see my best friend back when we started out. tell myself that my writing will get better and i’ll meet my idols and i’m gonna be somebody. but at fifteen you don’t believe anything. all you believe is that life is unending, unchanging, and you’re stuck forever. so you come up with a million different dreamlives, places you want to go, things you’re gonna do, and you hope with all your heart that something changes. and when it does, you cling to it. you attach yourself to anyone who looks your way, anything shiny, and you think you’ll hold on forever. until those things and people and places get ripped away from you and you’re stuck trying to put it all back together.

and i think that is what life is. it is you hanging on because you think it can’t possibly ever get better than this but it can’t get any worse. and both are wrong. it will always get better eventually, maybe not in the ways you expect. and it can always get worse, just not in the ways you’d expect. things pop up like weeds, like wildflowers, and you have to deal with it. but we waste so much time fixating on the that rather than looking at the other wildflowers and weeds sprouting all around us. we’re so singularly focused that we don’t have it within us to appreciate the struggles we have.

one day i’ll look back and wish i was here. i’ll wish i was in this apartment with emily, with hugo our cat, with all my books and my wall art...and i’ll think “god i had it good.” but i’d like to think that when i’m looking back, i’m still happy. i’m somewhere even better, somewhere even brighter. that i can still be romantic about my past will having a beautiful future. because hell even though i wish i could go back to fifteen - that i could experience speak now for the first time or make my tumblr and feel alive while i curated all my flickr photos - i also am very grateful that i am here and i know this is where i want to be for now. maybe in ten years i’ll still be posting on this fucking website, recording my deepest darkest thoughts. maybe i’ll be living in new york or living on my own here in nashville. maybe i’ve published a book or two. maybe something impossible happened. maybe a lot of impossible things happened. or maybe i’m just doing the best i can, taking photos and documenting my life. i don’t know.

but the things i’ve seen and done in the last ten years.....they give me hope. that even though things are dark right now and i’m scared and i don’t know where i’m going...i’ve been there before. i’ve been lost before, and i did just fine. and the only way to do is walk through the fire.

but i am so thankful for this little blog over the last decade. it’s turned into a space where i document the things i love, the person i’m becoming. there’s no rhyme or reason or aesthetic, just the things i love, and it feels like a roadmap to who i’ve been for this decade. and i use it differently than i used to, i think ten years ago it was this feral NEED to be online, to be posting and scrolling and always ON....but now it’s just a place i go to relax, to find art, to find peace. and i like that. it’s a different place than twitter or instagram where i feel like i’m suffocating. here it’s just...safe. it’s no trying to be anybody, no performance, just my most honest self. and it’s what i wish twitter and instagram could be, i wish there was more of the tumblr spirit throughout the internet, but i like that it’s here still. we’re still just...living.

i guess as i get older - i am twenty five now fuck - i just am becoming more conscious of time. i see her more often than i used to. i see her in the youth of others, the age of my parents, the distance between my memories, and even though i still avoid her when i can...she feels like she’s becoming a friend. like i’ll be safe in her arms when i age. i don’t want to be old, i still want to cling to my youth as long as i can but...it’s such a funny thing. and i finally understand the people who say that as you grow up, enter your thirties and forties and fifties, you find more pieces of yourself. that you come into your own. i am more myself at twenty five than i ever was at fifteen. some of the veil has lifted, and i know every day i age it is lifted even further. and i hate watching the hands on the clock inch closer and closer to the end...but age is a beautiful thing. time is a fair mistress, even if she isn’t kind.

i think about the girl who started this blog and i know she would’ve been in awe of me now. she wouldn’t believe the stories i have to tell her. she would be scared, but excited too. and somewhere i’d like to think she’s preparing to listen to speak now for the first time, completely unaware of where her life is going to take her. completely unaware that she’s going to write a whole novel next month, that she’s learning her new best friend inside and out, that she’s on a road to a better life. that her dreams are going to come true.

...and you know what? that’s me now too. completely unaware. and i’m so fucking excited to see where it goes.

#personal #this got weirdly philosophical and emo but i just....time man #its a funny thing

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thestylerandomguy · 5 years

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Why does it feels like taking a break from a career sounds like a taboo or like it’s a miserable thing to happen to an individual? That a major setback in a career or while studying can be perceived as a failure with multitude of negative strings attached to it. We’d like to believe that each change should always meant to do things differently for a better outcome. However, in this double standard society that we need to outlive, people’s mindset has a tendency to get derailed and be entertained over someone’s obstacle to change rather than proactively understand and give support. Just like any career change, hitting the reset button can be both challenging and exciting. In my case, a career reset at just 33 years old was one of the best life decisions I’ve made so far.

JOHARI’S WINDOW OF THE UNKNOWN

Resetting my career didn’t happen all of a sudden, the idea of it popped in my head for how many months before I finally had the courage to do it – I can tell something was not right then. I’m losing focus every day, I’m lacking motivation, I can’t remember my daily anthem, I’m doubting my capabilities I know that are my strengths – it was a dragging cycle, a weekend rest or getaway wasn’t enough to recover. This is completely not who I am when I started working ten years ago, I thought, heck even when I had struggles at work then, it wasn’t this complicated. I hoped to overcome it, however no matter how hard I focus I was struggling to concentrate, refocusing was even harder. I would close my eyes for a second and a number of voices at the back of my head would tell me to do this, to do that instead, everything seemed to be a constant conflict between what is important and what needs to be prioritized. Guess what? Decision-making was way tougher, I’ve became negligent. I kept on catching up to the things that I can do, thinking I’m supposed to be doing them for someone or answering to someone. I was not fine at all despite the smiles, the bonding with colleagues, and the time with friends. Every day I put on a mask to hide the scraps within. My self-motivation tattoo has lost its mojo.

With all that chaos inside my head, I thought I needed to do things that I love to keep myself sane, so over the next few months I pushed my creative standards and profoundly participated on a dance production (which included ramming my head on theme, choreography, audio mixing, and costume), a mentorship with a beauty pageant contestant (Q&A, branding, walk, confidence building, which are all new to me), then another dance production, and a superhero battle choreography and A/V technicality. All of them were within workplace and I had a great amount of help with the tasks, but the process and results weren’t enough, I was insatiable, the amount of fun doing it equaled the stress of making it good. I was fixated to a certain standard of how it should be done, let alone the outcome. Then it all back-fired, I became more agitated, more extreme, and neglected the responsibilities that I was supposed to be focusing on in the first place.

Looking back, the experience felt like those depressive episodes I had way back in college, though this time it wasn’t grim – I was more in control. This time it wasn’t really depression, at least not clinically, there was a key piece that was missing and somehow I’m glad I didn’t have a single moment to think about it. Then what was it? I wish I’ve understood, I wish I’ve sought more help, it was unknown to me, the struggle was unknown to anyone. Yes, the persons of interest and the ones in my inner circle have an idea about it, it is expected for me to be self-aware, share and sought out help, but no one really listened, friends don’t really get it – everyone was on the same boat, it was up to me how I deal with and overcome the stress or whatever it is. The moments weren’t dragging, but they were so heavy and such a struggle. I didn’t realize the toll that it had on me. A mental illness of some sort, must be a severe anxiety disorder but no, not depression.

THINGS FELL INTO PLACE

It wasn’t long before I finally listened to what the universe was telling me, for how many months I tried to endure the brain-freeze, and I’m glad it wasn’t too late. Recognizing the signs is a skill that does not apply to everyone of course, some even laugh at the thought of it, but growing up I’ve been keenly observant to certain events around me or things that stand for something or has deeper meaning on a given perspective, kinda like interpreting dreams, part of a grand design of some sort.

So let’s see, an all-hell-breaks-loose trouble and back-firing at work, health concerns at home, the world seems crashing down at me and I’m a ticking time bomb standing at the edge of the earth, indeed there was no better time to be one at that point. And so my time came, just like at the stroke of midnight, it is like of perfect timing as if I’ve passed a final test, it is time for me to go. I didn’t have to ask, I didn’t have to beg or pray – I’m the one who had to say to myself to let go. Did I think I can still get up, give it another day and still try? Hell no. F*ck no. I already gave it one more sanity shot months ago, so no, not this time. Not today, not tomorrow, not any day.

Would you be deciding differently? Would you still be looking for a silver lining among the madness of fate? Or would it also be easy for you to fly? Yes, it wasn’t hard for me to decide and fly, I just had to keep the draft simple and send the two weeks’ notice. What’s left of my dignity and positive energy I’ve reserved it to endorse stuff and make right what I can with the allotted time, call it guilt, I call it regret. I can’t believe I have one, I’m used to accepting how life favors me and not regretting every decision I’ve made. I guess this one is still an exception, I’m yet to learn how to move on past this, else I wouldn’t have written this in the first place. Some were surprised that I’m leaving, some doesn’t need to know, a handful understood why I need to, and an associate of mine did a better job of thoughtfully asking questions and understanding why I had to leave – though I’ve already made the decision, I still appreciate the gesture. Notice the word better, as opposed to the people I thought I knew better how to package me in the first place. Still, it made the decision-making easier.

I need to heal. I need rest. I need a f*cking good sleep. And there was no better time to snap out of the hellish situation I was in. There was no better time to think about myself and my well-being. There’s no other person in the world who would look after me, not my friends, and not my colleagues. It was a short goodbye, I didn’t get to endorse what I intend to as I was asked to leave earlier than expected. The sooner the better I guess, there were no parting words from my superiors and you’d be left wondering how someone is valued and what is a leader’s worth. So much for the pride and engagement I’ve driven all those time, huh?

So did I get to realize my shortcomings and reflect on the mistakes I’ve made and at the same time get to appreciate and focus on all the good stuff I’ve championed? Yup, I did and I’m thankful I had time to rest and think about a lot of things. The road to recovery is also an ongoing thing, and I’ll be sharing them on the Part Two of this Career Reset at 33.

Cheers!

***

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CAREER RESET AT 33 | Part One Why does it feels like taking a break from a career sounds like a taboo or like it’s a miserable thing to happen to an individual?

#anxiety #career #Career Reset #mental health #Personal Development

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