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#how do you know its love
cinnawinnamon · 4 months
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Crush
Journal Entry #1
I couldn’t sleep other than the moment of shut eye i got while reading.. but thats nothing new, except..i started thinking about this girl, idk why she pops into my head from time to time, so i got to thinking about it. About why i kept thinking of her, why couldn’t i let her go like all the crushes i’d had before and after her? ..and i realized..a whole lot of things actually. It was in the way she looked at me, like she was interested in me, like she wanted to see what i’d do next. And whenever i caught her eye it made me smile, not that she was looking at me. But that she was seeing the things in me that nobody else was. How she always was looking when nobody else was. I’ll give you an example, me, our friends and her were all playing uno one time..when your in a group of people there are these little pockets, small moments where everyone elses attention is preoccupied with each other or something else that just happened or the tv or whatever. In these little moments you can say whatever you want, ANYTHING and no one will hear you, you can get away with some small things in these moments and i knew that. I’d experienced these moments my whole entire life..so i switched the uno pile around to the color that favored the hand i had. There i was flipping through the pile looking for the best card for me to put on top of the pile..but something was different, this little pocket of my own, someone had found it. i was being watched. I cant remember if she gasped or almost said “hey” or maybe even chuckled idk but i looked at her and she was looking at me with a smile on her face. I couldnt help but smile back. It was just me in her in this little moment, i changed the cards around to my liking..she never said a word about it to me or anyone. but that whole game i was smiling and so was she, and only we knew why.. even thinking about it now puts a smile on my long face.
There was this other time she came up to me and said “i know ___ will love this” and she showed me a video that just that day had me cracking up and laughing my ass off. But when she showed it to me, i had already seen it and i got all my giggles about it out. She seemed surprised that i didnt laugh as much as she thought i would. I wish i had told her how much it made me laugh before. That id already seen it. That she was right, that she knew me so well..i didnt of course i had my fake laugh i said thats great and walked away.
Il tell you two more stories these are a bit different..were in the laundry room of my best friends apartment complex. My main friend group is all there. My two best friends..and her. Oh god i really hope im not romanticizing all this just because im lonely. Why cant anything just be? Why must there always be the possibility that something isn’t real??..
Ok ok back to the story: Were all talking as we always did, the conversations were always amazing with these people..i dont regret a single monent i spent with them, but with her they were..especially interesting..i cant remember what the hell we were talking about at the time but..either her or i said something that the other two didnt get. But we got it, i remember the feeling. I was getting more and more excited the more i felt she understood, i got off the laundry machine. I thought nothing of it..i was so happy that someone could relate to what i was saying! Suddenly i was inches from her.. she was still seated at the laundry machine that just a moment ago was on the other side of the room. But suddenly, i was right infront of her..she was right infront of me. Silence. The other two looked on, i had almost forgot. She was dating my best friend. I think at that moment everyone knew that i had forgotten. The silence rang through me. I smiled my disappointed smile and went back to my laundry machine and sat down, from than on i tried my best not to look at her.
What would have happened if there was nothing that would have stopped me?..i think i would have just kept getting closer..
And now for the final memory. Me and my two best friends had this little clothing brand and we made all sorts of clothes. Shirts, hoodies, shorts..and one time we made these ski masks, they were a completely out there design, there was a zipper on the mouth piece , and some other stuff referencing traditional mafia/gang symbolism.. i didnt much care for it my self but i also didnt design it so i didnt care about it at all really..to be honest with you i thought it looked a bit ridiculous, i mean it was innovative but i could do without the gang references. Anyway shes dating one of my best friends at the time (i know i know, only the shittiest of friends start crushing on their best friends girl..but maybe thats what made it so great? We knew we were never gonna get together so we could love each other from afar, its the safest kind of love you can fall into. And its just as distant too..) so she hangs around us and our clothe making alot and we were just wrapping up, about to walk outside in the cold winter evening. I put my jacket on as i walk out the door and i turn back around to say something..and i see her right behind me with the ski mask on..haha i never imagined someone could look so cute in the stupid thing. I swooned like ive never swooned before haha ! I drooped my head on to the door enraptured by her very essence..i couldnt take my eyes off her..i felt my eyes water up. Just than she took the mask off and with the most innocent beautiful eyes she looked at me. She saw my love for her in that moment..one of those moments again, surrounded by people but it was just me and her. She looked at me like she was sorry, sorry that i had fallen in love with her.. it almost broke my heart than and there because i saw it all in her eyes..i snapped out of it quick : realizing how bare i’d been wearing my emotions i reverted to my distant self, the part that was easy to play, the one who could take over and and shoot the shit and never have to feel a thing. all while i sat in the passenger seat..just…screaming for me to do something other than the stupid things i’d do.
…Every now and again i long for her. But im afraid that it wont be the same. for you see, i am a coward with my emotions, i bury them, i drown them, i numb them, i run from them. But i never face them, and im afraid with no barrier between me and her..that she wont feel the same way..and what if it was all in my head? What if she looked at me that way because she was so sorry for me for having fallen in love with her because she knew she could never reciprocate? Not for me. I am unlovableUNLOVable
Oh god
Stupidstupid howcouldanyoneverloveyou? DumbstupidcowardwrongjerkassholestupididiotidiotIDIOTIDIOTIDIOT
She would have been-
She would have been..
Just stop. Just say hi..ask her how shes been, maybe she’ll be happy to hear from you…and if shes not than at least you know that this love does exist..you’ll find it, just dont give up on it. And above all, be brave
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autumn-may · 4 months
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Mostly spoiler free summary of my viewing experience
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inkskinned · 10 months
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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tooquirkytolose · 20 days
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~The Most Beautiful Woman in The World~
Download on itch.io for extra content!
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Seen a lot of posts about people coming into your notifications out of nothing and liking your entire blog, but here's a shoutout to the people who do Not follow you, who appear out of nowhere, reblog One (1) post that you are Not the op of, and then you never see them again. Where did you come from girl.
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ew-selfish-art · 6 months
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Dpx Dc AU: Ectoplasm is required for Ghosts to be visible to the human eye- And Danny creates his own ectoplasm.
Danny is visiting Jazz in Gotham and its weird how friendly everyone is. Like, the city gets a really bad rapport, everywhere he goes there is someone trying to strike up a conversation or answer his questions about getting around to the tourist spots. A few people even pointed out restaurants and ways to find off the beaten path gems! Jazz seems to role her eyes at him, but when he brings up her 'roommate' being kind of cute she flat out laughs.
Danny then comes to understand the Jazz doesn't have a roommate and that Ghosts in Gotham don't move far from their haunts- He's just been inadvertently turning these undead folks visible by accident of generating abnormal amounts of ectoplasm.
Which, is comforting in a way, he's never walking this dangerous city alone and really, most of the ghosts have been really friendly! They disappear once he's a few blocks away from them anyway.
---
Tim Drake is having a horrible day.
He'd been given intel that one of Black Mask's guys was going to snitch but that he'd died before given the opportunity to reach out to the GCPD. He tracks down the guy's last know whereabouts and yikes. Its next to the Theater. Tim was often grateful for his childhood obsessions, this time it backfired.
Tim and Bruce get into an argument about trust and respect and, worst of all, mental health. And even though Tim was vehemently against Batman accompanying Red Robin to the alleyway - that's exactly what happens.
They arrive and Bruce is closing up faster than a clam in the contaminated Gotham Bay- Clearly being in the Alley bothers him. No fucking shit. RR gets started on collecting evidence, there are a few extra blood splatters and a single left shoe... When a kid walks into the Alley.
"Uh, sorry to intrude-" The kid looks scared shitless, and runs away. And then, all of a sudden, Batman and Robin aren't alone in the Alley.
Tim can hardly believe his eyes as the dead man appears and quickly blabs Black Mask's bank passwords and what the plan had been- and While he's over joyed to have that closure, he turns around to Batman weeping in the arms of his parents.
The ghosts fade, and the emotions are certainly charged as this was never something Bruce or Tim would have ever dreamed of happening. Ghosts in Gotham. Talking, floating, granting closure.
"RR, Bats, come in." Oracle calls into their ears.
"Reporting in, but, uh, we need a minute."
"A minute? We have a case on 4th and-"
"O, we just saw the ghosts of the Waynes. It's going to be a minute."
"...Lots of Ghost reports lately then. Any chance you saw a kid looking like he could be adopted?"
"Yeah, actually, black hair and blue eyes. He was super polite before he ran away."
"We have work to do. Oracle, lets prioritize finding our person of interest and divert Nightwing and Robin to the case on 4th." Batman cut between them on the comms and he sounded... calmer than either of them anticipated.
---
Jazz is no longer laughing when Batman appears at her door explaining that he's looking for Danny (Who already flew away from town to get a good night's sleep before class on Monday). Turns out Danny reunited the man with his dead parents just briefly- and then the second guy appears and mentions how Danny had also given a guy who'd been murdered by a Mob enough time to explain the ongoing threats the city faced.
Jazz just rolls her eyes and says that it's not like the ghosts are going anywhere anytime soon and Danny will visit in another month. When pressed, she just explains that her brother is a weirdo. No of course he doesn't have powers. Gaslight and Girlbosses her way out.
And Jazz thinks that the game is up for at least another month, obviously when Danny visits more shit will stir up, but then this new guy appears.
Unlike the other Bats who are keen on watching her from a distance, the Red Hood knocks on her door. Are her eyebrows all the way into her hairline when Red Hood asks her to send his thanks along to Danny because somehow this whole situation led to his Dad expressing remorse for his actions and apologizing? Yes, yes they are.
But Jazz can smell Dissertation Data off of these vigilantes- Who is she to send them away? Jazz welcomes Red Hood into her place for a cup of tea and a small chat.
The story then devolves into Jazz getting shit done, Danny being cute by proximity and also bringing ghosts to the party, and the Bats having trauma resolve between them.
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lucabyte · 5 days
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Not all who wander are lost. Some who wander, however, are extremely, extremely lost.
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plesiosaurys · 8 months
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getting emotional over footage of an amateur scuba diver interacting with a coelacanth. they are hunted by large deepwater predators, and here comes a large creature bearing the brightest lights it's ever seen, making strange noises, but it does not shy away. it hovers, calmly, as the diver reaches out and trails a hand down its back. im strongly against the anthropomorphizing of real life animals but the stupid emotional part of me loudly insists this is because it recognizes us, the alternating movements of its four paired limbs matching the diver's four paired limbs, & it is thinking, "hello, cousins, we missed you these 66 million years, it's so good to see you again. welcome back, welcome home."
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bruciemilf · 1 year
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I wonder how many times Clark and the batkids + Alfred revived Bruce with the Lazarus Pit and just never told him abt it
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lover-of-mine · 2 months
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Buddie Countdown to Season 7:
16 days.
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moeblob · 1 month
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So does he, Gallagher.
#honkai star rail#hsr blade#gallagher#i based this off of how many times i used funny soda man to help be a healer with his poppin soda pop in SU#and then blade constantly just being blade as usual#its normally him saying unnecessary to my actual healer but#i kept forgetting gallagher heals and i kept healing when i didnt even need to so TECHNICALLY yeah it was unnecessary#but the amount of times blade was the recipient......#i cant use like most of my newer units in story bc i cant ascend or i run out of leveling mats so i just#get them and toss them into simulated universe for funsies cause i can match their levels better#so thats where i tossed gallagher and he is genuinely fun to play as ? like i love his punches and kicks to start the battle#funny soda man is funny (to me) and im really behind in plot still#but last time i tried to play it on my laptop and got a kickass cutscene my laptop lagged and i couldnt even see it RIP to me#so now that its like ... me trying to play it on desktop ?#i mostly get on desktop for comms and if i do much else i feel like im slacking off even if i would take a break anyway#one day i can play more story plot stuff and actually meet the funny guys#also in case you know me for Not Having Boys in HSR i need to point out#i did pull Gallagher however same 10 pull got a 4 star girl copy for someone i never use and she is at e4 now cool#and i didnt even think of the irony as i started this i just like drawing blade and i wanted to draw gallagher#so when i already had the dialogue planned and am drawing i was like OH WAIT haha im funnier than i thought#(no i am not but we can pretend)
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dashedwithromance · 2 years
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not to start whacking the hornet’s nest but i think the most tragic part of ahsoka and anakin’s story together is that from the very first moment, it’s all based on a lie.
ahsoka meets anakin after aotc - he’s already committed an unjustifiable atrocity. he’s already slaughtered the tusken people, and as far as we know, ahsoka never finds out about that. and you know, that would completely and wildly screw up ahsoka’s perceptions of anakin
and i would go so far as to say it would screw with her image of anakin more than the vader reveal. because the vader reveal is like. oh shit your older brother/ best friend has turned into a monster and has committed genocide and is currently trying to kill you
but the tusken massacre reveal is like. oh shit your older brother who tucks you in bed when you’re sick and who makes you laugh so hard your ribs hurt has, for the entire time he’s loved you and you loved in return, been a murderer, and has actively been hiding a horrible, unjustifiable secret
the vader reveal is tragic because the anakin that ahsoka knows and remembers is, to her knowledge, gone forever. the tusken massacre reveal is tragic because the anakin that ahsoka knows and loves is based on a lie
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heartorbit · 8 months
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we get a little silly
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gunstellations · 3 months
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a little family
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toonheartz · 4 months
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[ID: A reference image for a blue version of Mickey Mouse.
Their name is Mick, and they're wearing a black hoodie with the hood down, and a sleeveless denim jacket over it. The front of the jacket is covered in many pins, like the trans pride flag, the genderfluid flag, a black patch that says "the first pride was a riot", an ambiguous shape with a red crossed out symbol over it, a watermelon, the autism creature, and a small black patch that is cut off due to the angle, reading "eat the".
The back of the jacket has the Public Domain symbol, white a lower case C on a black background that is crossed out, with ears at the top to match Mick.
They are holding a dark blue offset cane, and have band aids on their leg, nose, and one finger.
Text around her says:
-any pronouns -soft spoken but stands up for their friends -fucks around and finds out -being of pure spite
Back patch should always be the public domain symbol with ears
Feel free to swap patches in the same theme or omit them for simplicity
Uses cane for balance, relieving pressure on his legs, and whacking people
Bandaids are optional and can be any color / placed anywhere (she's very clumsy)."
The very bottom of the page has the hashtag, "mickeysona".
End ID.]
lil something to celebrate the mouse entering the public domain :]
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bulbabutt · 11 months
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theres something about the way raph and mikey used to be closer when they were younger that really gets to me (with how raph either parentified himself or got parentified by his brothers, and mikey whos the baby of the family really wants independence) and i like to think there was a point in their lives maybe post movie where they sort of realized they've grown past that stage and really appreciate each other as brothers and equals who can support each other
sometimes youre close when youre little and grow apart. and sometimes you find each other again.
idk, siblings, you know?
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