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astaroth1357 · 4 years

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MC's Family Finds Out that They're Actually Dating a Demon the Hard Way

Demon boys more or less going demon on the MC's family. Bound to happen really. This one ain’t so cuddly guys. Special thanks to @anonimo324 for the inspiration for this one. Literally never would have occurred to me if they hadn't have said something and I love the excuse to revisit this idea. 😄

Check out the Masterlist for more!

IMPORTANT: Continuation to "Demon Brothers Meeting the MC's Family" The general setup to this post is in that one.

Lucifer

You know what they say about things that seem too good to be true, right?

Oh, their MC's new boyfriend was smooth, put together, intelligent…

And prideful. So very prideful.

It radiated off of him like no tomorrow, there was just a subtle but constant air of superiority to everything the man did or said. Some may find it attractive but others? It can drive other people right up the wall.

And that's exactly what it did to some members of the MC's family. Even if he seemed educated and well-spoken what made him think he was so special? What made him think he was just so much better than the rest of the world??

They couldn't have known just how angry he'd get when they confronted him about it.

They couldn't have known that they weren’t questioning an arrogant man, but a prideful demon who'd take offense at the mere thought of being anywhere near their level.

It was only when he stood towering before them, demonic wings and horns in full view, did they learn the folly of their actions.

In their hospital beds, bones broken and bodies bruised, they'd rant and rave to anyone who'd listen "He's a demon! A demon! My child/sibling/etc. is dating a demon!!"

The MC disappeared with Lucifer that night, however. Their family writes them off as either dead or kidnapped for torture purposes.

In truth, they returned to the Devildom and Lucifer will never hear the end of how he lost control and attempted to skewer the MC's family members. Surely such a mighty demon should have better control than that... 🙄😑

Mammon

His dumbass let it slip a couple months in, but not without good reason for once.

He had actually been doing pretty well with their family. Sure he wasn't perfect, but he made it clear enough he was looking out for MC and honestly the rest of them as well.

It was small things. Checking up on them sometimes. Making sure the little ones, if any, were safe. Not stealing anything that isn't nailed down (though that's something the MC notices more than their family of course).

It takes a lot. A lot. A LOT to make Mammon break out his demon form. He's better at keeping it in than Lucifer. But showing him something that’s threatening MC is actually a pretty quick why to do it.

The family was out together on a shopping trip, a giddy Mammon included because he knew that meant he could beg ask the MC to buy him stuff.

They really should have checked before they started strolling down the damn crosswalk, but they didn't, and an impatient taxi went hurtling towards them.

Before they could even open their eyes Mammon was already lecturing them about their stupidity, holding them on the other side of the street. Shirtless because his demon form was out and the dumbass forgot to hide it again. Even though they were in public.

He was quick to change back once he noticed, but the damage was done. You can say their family was a little surprised that he straight up grew wings and horns. Only one of them fainted anyway.

To avoid causing further panic, Mammon just legs it away with MC still in his arms, shouting back an quick expletive laced "apology" over his shoulder.

MC smooths things over with their family later by phone. No one can quite wrap their head around the fact that Mammon is a demon, despite what they had seen, but it helps that he did seem to want to protect them.

The MC is not allowed to come home if they want to bring their demon boyfriend too, but their family isn't as worried about them as they could be. Mammon's looking out for them after all.

Leviathan

Okay. They always knew the boy was a little weird but hot damn did that opinion suddenly go from 0 to 60 real quick.

Levi was distant and off-putting at first but in time it became pretty clear that he was just pretty awkward. He wasn't the best with people, but he seemed harmless enough.

It was the MC's idea to bring him along on a family weekend trip to the beach. They honestly couldn't understand why at first. He never seemed to like being with them...

It DID start to click for them a little more when they saw the guy in the water though. They can say it's probably the first time they'd ever seen him so comfortable in his own skin. He even started smiling!

Things were actually going smoothly for them all for once… until other people started taking notice of MC in their swimsuit and one bold gentleman decided to make a cheeky comment on it.

Now, Levi had always stuck close to MC when he was around them. He was practically a second shadow. But it seemed like the second he took notice of those glances he got extra clingy and after that comment.. he started to have a meltdown.

The once bold gentleman was kindly picked up by the neck and hurdled into the ocean like a Frisbee. It would have been hilarious if it weren't so horrifying.

It was about the time that the lad grew a snake tail that the MC's family peaced out off the beach, screaming in terror. MC and Levi left too, mostly because Levi was hellbent on dragging them back to the Devildom in a jealous rage. Obviously THIS is the kind of shit that happens when he leaves his room!

No plans are ever made to go visit again, which he's very happy about. He hated being out in "the real world" anyway.

Satan

Nice as he could be, that temper was bound to catch up to him eventually…

There would be small incidents. A kid cuts him off on the sidewalk and he'd get a little loud and snippy about it. A dog won't stop barking at him and he'd just glare and send it away with a terrified whimper. These things were… worrisome. But not all that demonic.

Then other red flags started showing up. A person on the street would be rude to him and he'd look honestly ready to kill. It'd take MC physically holding him back to keep him in place. Their family was worried about them… Had they'd fallen victim to a possible abuser...?

MC had never listened to what their family had to say, always claiming that they were perfectly safe with their boyfriend. That he had to listen to what they said. But no one really bought that…

Well if there is one way to piss Satan off (and there are many) probably the fastest and most lethal is to doubt his intelligence. Especially if you're only one of those everyday, average humans...

That poor employee at the bookstore had no idea what kind of mistake they made when he told Satan he wasn't looking for Camus but Kafka then refused to double check. Satan doesn't make mistakes about his authors. Ever.

What was originally just supposed to be a relaxing afternoon with the family turned into a night in the station as everyone was questioned about the employee whose head got flattened against the store counter-top. The police weren't entirely convinced a demon did it, but they would look for a blonde.

Said demon had chucked MC over his shoulder and took off before the police arrived to investigate, which as far as they're concerned also kind of amounts to kidnapping.

Satan's now a fugitive in the MC's hometown and on the FBI's Most Wanted List so safe to say that they won't really be visiting anymore.

Asmodeus

Not as surprised as you might think. There were some signs…

Asmo had a bewitching quality to him that went well into the unnatural. He could soothe and win over right about any person or animal to an… uncomfortable degree.

He also kept bringing up and babbling about nonsense products all the time. He always seemed to have the perfect hair treatment or know the best drinks but no one else had ever heard of any of it. What the heck even is Demonus…?

But the real kicker was, well, just how lustful he was. There were horn dogs and then there was this guy. It felt like he could flirt with a potted plant sometimes.

Though he was nice, no one in their house thought Asmo was faithful to MC. And even if he were, his blatant willingness to tease right about anyone he came across was showing them disrespect.

Unfortunately, they had made the poor decision to confront him about it and claim that he didn't actually "love" MC….

There are few things more brutal and less forgiving than an enraged Asmo. Here he was with these humans, people he had been nothing but nice to, and they were doubting his love for MC?? What gave them the right!?

He had his demon form out and his whip already raised to teach these slanderers a lesson! Even if he had grown to like some of them, his anger took over his reason and he had to vent his displeasure NOW.

The MC stepped in before he could crack the whip and made him stop. Their family was terrified but he charmed them into calming down while he and MC talked things out.

They (by which I mean mostly a fuming Asmo) decided that since their family couldn't understand their love for each other, they didn't deserve to see it.

They leave the house calmly and don't come back. MC still sometimes calls their family, but they refuse to leave the Devildom or their beautiful fallen angel, no matter how much their family pleads for them to come home.

Beelzebub

On the one hand, absolutely no one wants to believe it… But it also does make a lot of things make more sense in hindsight.

Like, he was built like a linebacker so it was sort of understandable just how many calories his body seemed to need but there was a limit.

He. Just. Kept. Eating. Never-endingly hungry. Always poking through the kitchen or ordering a mountain of pizzas. More impressively, he never made any leftovers… Ever.

He was such a sweetheart though… They tried to turn a blind eye for a while. Make excuses and rationalize the impossible… but it couldn't last.

It was only supposed to be one nice dinner out. MC had gone over the rules with him ten times before going, "This is a human restaurant and I'm paying, so you HAVE to stop at thirds. Okay? Okay??"

He tried. But the food was sooo good, he just couldn’t stop! And, like clockwork, here comes the manager to cut him off and there goes an angry Beel. Full demon form, tossing tables and wrecking chairs to everyone's absolute horror.

MC had to use the pact to stop him. They could only leave their family with a quick goodbye before they had to book it from the cops on Beel's back as he flew away.

To say there was a mini-meltdown among the members left behind would be an understatement. What the HELL just happened to the sweet young man they had come to know???

The damages were paid for by Lucifer a "mysterious donor" and everything was explained to their family by MC over video call from the Devildom with a very guilty and apologetic Beel in attendance.

When it was clear that the MC wasn't going to leave him or literal Hell despite their protests, they either had to accept it or never hear from them again. Members made their choices, but it's pretty hard to stay mad at someone they've grown to like so much...

He's no longer allowed to go visit them in the human world (which is probably for the best) but shows up on MC's video calls regularly. They still kind of think of him as family even if he could eat them all. He's just such a nice lad, you know?

Belphegor

…. You know, there was always something kind of off about that kid.

It was always hard to place what made Belphie so… different. It could have been the way he never seemed to take any of them seriously or the kind of amazing lack of energy he brought to things.

It also could have been the fact he kept making comments about being a demon, going to "hell," knowing Satan personally, etc. but always played them off as jokes.

Honestly when it finally came out that yes, he was actually a demon, it was almost a relief because it made waaaay more sense than not.

Still fucking terrifying, though.

One of their family members had made the mistake of waking him up from a nap when he and MC were there for a visit

Now. It's not easy to wake Belphie even on a good day but an airhorn to the face is probably not the way to go about it.

When he sent said family member soaring out the window, one-handed, with his horns and tail on full display and a familiar look of murder in his eyes, MC knew the charade was pretty much up...

True to his word, Belphie doesn't let some humans keep MC away from him. He scooped them up and hopped out the broken window before they could really even protest or explain anything.

Which, I mean, how does one even go about smoothing over the fact your demon boyfriend just yeeted one of your family members out of the house?

Their family is kind of able to put two and two together themselves regardless. Which is good because neither Belphie or MC are probably coming back any time soon. If ever. Hope they enjoy postcards...

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #still too fun to write #satan runnin' from the FBI man #beel would call your parents mom and dad #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios

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becomewings · 3 years

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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 1 / 4

» pt. 2

Introduction

BTS Universe Story, a mobile game published by Netmarble, was released on September 24, 2020. While the majority of the app is essentially a sandbox and engine for users to create their own interactive stories, it also includes official and canon BU content. The first eight segments were introduced between the release date and December 2020, gathered under the title The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>.

“I’m Fine” is half of the I’m Fine/Save Me ambigram introduced in the Love Yourself era. Notably, all of the BU content available in the game so far falls between events of the webtoon Save Me (also called HYYH0 in its logo) and The Notes 1—chronologically, that is, while bearing in mind that time resets to the morning of 11 April Year 22 whenever SeokJin fails to avert a tragedy among his six friends. I want to assure anyone who is unable to play the game that you are not missing any new, major plot beats from the overall BU narrative. Instead, the stories provide more insight into the motivations and consequences of SeokJin’s decisions in the earlier time loops, as well as more depth to individual characters and their circumstances.

The goal of this guide is to summarize each of the eight stories and highlight noteworthy details, especially if they are not yet present in other BU media. Within each story (which I often refer to as an arc, due to their character-focused nature), episodes must be played successively, but the stories themselves can be played in any order. I will present them over a series of posts in the order they are listed under the <I’M FINE> heading. The Prologue and NamJoon’s arc are free to play; the rest are paid content. Please note that due to the app’s Terms & Conditions, I will not include in-game footage here. The images in this guide are sourced from the official trailers/videos and the live action MVs as appropriate.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

Game Mechanic

Before diving into the summaries, I would like to address the primary mechanic of the game: the user’s control of character choices at designated moments in the stories. It’s a primary marketing point that the player can influence the progression of the narrative, with a frequent in-app tip also declaring, “stories’ endings can vary depending on your choices.” The latter is not strictly true—and it cannot be true due to the structure of the game. Choices are presented within most (not all) episodes, but each episode is an isolated unit: episode 2 provides the same content regardless of what you choose in episode 1. Since the consequences of your decisions are not cumulative, each episode reaches the same ending, and each decision inevitably rejoins the “main” story path (effectively reducing the script size).

So what is the point of this mechanic? While the system is not nearly as complex as what major platform titles are capable of nowadays (I suspect due in large part to the story creation portion of the game), it does foster a sense of interaction with the narrative that isn’t present in static visual media like comics or film. The episodes with choices also have incentive for replay to discover the impact of changing a character’s dialogue or action. Sometimes the differences between the outcomes are inconsequential, but other times you unearth new details, interactions, or memories that are missing in the other path.

I say this partially in reaction to all of the comments and tweets I read for the game trailers and even Smeraldo Book twitter’s choose-your-own-adventure style teasers with The Notes 2 excerpts released last summer. Many users expressed excitement, through words or memes, about finally being able to give the boys the happy ending they deserved. I don’t fault anyone for wanting that happy ending—I wish for it, too. But no matter what the rather overzealous marketing has claimed, I don’t believe that the canon ending of BU is ever meant to be in the audience’s control. But I do feel that this mechanism fits the BU narrative. It echoes the “countless loops” SeokJin has experienced in an effort to save his friends, the choices he must make at every crossroad, and the butterfly effect those actions have on all of their lives. I think it is reasonable to interpret the simple branching paths in the game as alternatives SeokJin has explored across multiple loops in his struggle to find the “right” way forward. I’d love to hear if you have theories of your own!

Prologue

The prologue is a brief episode introducing SeokJin’s repeated struggle and failure to save his friends. He wakes up yet again in his bed on 11 April Year 22, the beginning of the time loop. After reflecting on the tragedies that keep befalling the others, SeokJin realizes that he has only tried to fix the problems he can see. He wonders: “Have I tried to understand the root of my friends’ misfortunes? How much do I really know about my friends? Maybe I was never brave enough to confront their real scars and the worlds they’ve been living in. But I need to do it. Because it may be the key to saving them all.”

How to Offer a Hand

In this story, SeokJin attempts to prevent NamJoon’s arrest after he gets in a fight with a rude customer at Naeri Gas Station, his place of work. The first episode opens on the night of 11 April Year 22 with NamJoon curling his fists, glaring as crumpled bills lie untouched on the pavement. (The money looks similar to the shot from the I Need U MV.) SeokJin reaches for his shoulder, but NamJoon shrugs him off and strides away to punch the customer who deliberately dropped the bills for him to pick up. The gas station owner runs over at the customer’s furious shouts and orders NamJoon to apologize. He refuses, and police officers soon arrive and charge him with assault. No one listens to SeokJin’s protests that the customer started it first. The man sneers as NamJoon enters the police car. “Do you even have money for a settlement? Hey, you’re done for.” NamJoon is sentenced to prison again, and SeokJin hears glass shattering before the loop resets.

Rising from his bed on the morning of 11 April, SeokJin reflects on his failed efforts so far. He has hit the customer’s car, called for NamJoon in the middle of the incident, and stopped the fight himself, the latter of which caused his friends to avoid him later. The fight has even escalated; the details are unspecified, but the audience is provided an ominous shot of SeokJin speaking to a police officer alone at the scene. NamJoon is not the kind of person who would normally respond to that kind of provocation with his fists. SeokJin realizes that he cannot merely stop the fight but must discover and fix the true cause of it.

With this in mind, SeokJin heads to Naeri Gas Station during the day and tries to engage NamJoon. This is their first time meeting since they both returned to Songju, although SeokJin has experienced it in many loops already. “It’s been a while,” he greets (as he does at the end of the Blood Sweat & Tears Japanese version MV). Before SeokJin can dig deeper in their conversation, NamJoon is called away by his boss. SeokJin enters the small employee break room which serves as NamJoon’s living space when he’s not at the container, hoping to find some clues about his friend’s life. SeokJin locates something bundled in newspapers. If the player chooses to open it, he sees a strange shard of glass inside that may belong to a car or motorcycle headlight. He continues on, finding the book Cosmos by Carl Sagan and a notebook. SeokJin hesitates over the invasion of privacy but decides to read it since he needs all the information that he can gather. The journal entries detail NamJoon’s daily life since returning to Songju: his work at the gas station isn’t too bad despite the occasional rude customer; he purchased a book and hopes to get more in the future; he picked up a second job at a wedding hall to help catch up on bills; his brother NamHyeon got in trouble again, leading to more expenses; and his dad’s health has worsened, with hospital bills after an emergency surgery rising to levels that the family cannot afford. SeokJin knew that NamJoon was the de facto head of household due to his father’s illness but was unaware that it was to this degree. He feels sorry for NamJoon yet is also impressed by his maturity, for NamJoon never writes how difficult his situation is.

NamJoon arrives and asks what SeokJin is doing in the room. If the player chooses to answer “reading” instead of “just sitting there,” SeokJin privately observes that the conversation flows more easily when they talk about books. NamJoon says he must leave and declines when SeokJin offers to wait for him there. SeokJin knocks over a pile of books along with money and receipts as he stands. He thinks it is unusual that NamJoon picks up the books before the money. The books seem to be more than a hobby to NamJoon, holding special meaning. Walking to his car, SeokJin wonders if it is pride or determination not to falter that keeps NamJoon from journaling his grievances. He realizes that money is a constant source of frustration and misery to NamJoon, and that’s why he can’t stomach being insulted over the customer’s dropped money. SeokJin’s new plan is to prevent NamJoon from picking up the money. He also calls Palgok County Hospital and offers to pay the patient bill for NamJoon’s father. Anticipating that NamJoon will be angry if he finds out, SeokJin says the payer is Songho Foundation.

That night, SeokJin returns to the gas station with the excuse that he forgot to fill up earlier. The luxury car arrives with a honk, and NamJoon hurries over to assist. He shakes with anger when the customer drops the money on the ground. “Why aren’t you picking it up? You don’t want it? What’s with that look? Pretty arrogant for a part-timer, aren’t you?” goads the customer. SeokJin intervenes. Whether the player chooses to have him advise NamJoon not to pick it up or to order the customer to pick it up himself, the end result is the same. SeokJin asks the customer, “Why are you harassing a pitiful part-timer?” The customer drives away, and something about NamJoon seems off. His face is expressionless, not mad or humiliated. “SeokJin, you…” He stops. “Never mind. Thank you for your help.” The words sound difficult for him to speak.

SeokJin believes that he has saved NamJoon, although this ending feels sloppy. He continues on in the loop to rescue JungKook and later YoonGi, but uneasiness plagues him. Though he meant to help NamJoon with his actions, SeokJin wonders if he hurt him instead. On 5 May Year 22, he returns to the gas station and follows NamJoon when he leaves work early. NamJoon enters a bookstore, and SeokJin sneaks in after him to watch from afar. He overhears employees talking about NamJoon, worrying that he might dirty the pages of the book he’s perusing. NamJoon is too absorbed in the book to notice one of them calling for his attention. SeokJin recalls a memory from their school days when he found NamJoon reading alone in their classroom hideout: he asked why NamJoon read so diligently, and his friend explained that he found it comforting to empty his thoughts of everything else while focused on the book. In the present, SeokJin wonders how he forgot how much books mean to NamJoon. He sacrifices some of his food and transportation budget to afford them, but they enable him “to endure the weight of the world he’s forced to bear on his shoulders.” After realizing this, SeokJin wants to apologize for carelessly sympathizing with the reality that NamJoon has weathered alone.

The next episode is from NamJoon’s perspective, revealing his excitement over being able to purchase a book for the first time in two months. He wants to buy two but can only afford one. The employee at the register sighs and asks why he leafed through a book he wasn’t going to buy. NamJoon apologizes, and she mutters, “So dirty.” He notices his reflection, clothes worn and smelling of gasoline, and realizes she’s talking about him, not the book. He tries to shake off these depressing thoughts, but he is still not accustomed to this treatment despite experiencing it regularly at work. As NamJoon begins to exit the store, the security alarm goes off. The employees demand to check his bag despite his insistence that he didn’t steal anything. Their certainty of his theft angers him. NamJoon allows them to look through his bag, and they are suspicious of the like-new book in it which he brought from home. One begins to call the police until SeokJin appears, vouching for NamJoon by saying he saw everything. The employees accept that the alarm malfunctioned and excuse their suspicions as a mistake.

Outside, SeokJin asks NamJoon if he is all right. NamJoon is thankful but wonders how SeokJin materialized right when he needed him. “How’d you find me here?” he asks aloud. SeokJin explains that he happened to notice him while walking through the neighborhood. NamJoon wonders if it’s because they said goodbye on a weird note last time. He thanks him and turns to leave. SeokJin calls after him. “I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you that day at the gas station. It was a mistake to have called you pitiful. If my rash actions hurt you, I’m really sorry.” NamJoon accepts his apology, believing it to be sincere, and says that things would have turned out a lot worse if SeokJin had not intervened. Thunder rolls overhead, and NamJoon uses the impending rain as his excuse to depart. He declines SeokJin’s offer of a ride and runs home, feeling his friend’s eyes on him.

Before he can settle down to read at home, NamJoon receives a call from his cheerful mother. She thanks him for paying off the entire hospital bill. NamJoon is perplexed and asks what’s on the receipt, since he didn’t pay it. His mother wants to leave it be, but he insists that they investigate so they don’t get in trouble or sued. She reads that the Songho Foundation is credited as the payer. NamJoon calls the hospital, introducing himself as the guardian for Kim YoungMin, but they can’t transfer him to the administrative department at this time. Disappointed, he looks up the foundation’s website, unable to recall why it sounds familiar. He wonders why a scholarship foundation in the city would get involved with him. Spotting photos of a recent launch ceremony on the site, he recognizes a few people: Songju High School’s principal, the familiar-looking face of the foundation’s chairman, and SeokJin. First, NamJoon forces a laugh, and then it’s difficult for him to breathe. He thinks that SeokJin really had pitied him at that moment. The only thing keeping NamJoon going is the idea of getting through life on his own strength. Why does he have to live like this?

The last episode opens on 5 May back in SeokJin’s perspective. He is confident now that he has saved NamJoon, although it occurs to him that a better alternative may have been to simply pick up the money himself instead of stepping forward. (This decision is enacted in a later loop and depicted in the Euphoria MV.) While reflecting on what comes next to save his other friends, he receives a text from NamJoon. “What’s your account number? I’ll pay you back for the hospital bills. I don’t need your help. I’ll handle my concerns on my own.” Heart sinking, SeokJin wonders how he found out. With a sense of foreboding, he tries calling NamJoon, but no one answers. SeokJin texts him back, pretending that he doesn’t understand, and tells NamJoon to call him. SeokJin’s second attempt connects while he’s gathering his car keys to visit the container. “That’s enough. Just send the account number over text,” NamJoon instructs. SeokJin coaxes him to talk for a moment, and NamJoon asks flatly, “Are you going to apologize again?” SeokJin attempts to salvage the situation, but his friend turns cold when he insists that NamJoon is misunderstanding and that he just wanted to help. “So, why? Why are you helping me?! Yeah, you’re always a good person. You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m the one misunderstanding.” SeokJin apologizes again. NamJoon refuses his request to meet in person. “No, I thought maybe there was a reason for everything you did… But I guess I misconstrued it. I’ll pay you back, so I’d prefer if you stopped contacting me.” Long after the call ends, SeokJin stands holding his phone, feeling that the glass is going to break at any moment. He wants to believe that it’s not over, but hope is slipping through his fingertips.

The episode finishes in NamJoon’s perspective. On 8 May and 9 May, he accepts part-time delivery work and reflects on his three jobs. Whenever he thinks he’s at his breaking point, he focuses on his new goal of returning SeokJin’s money. On 10 May, NamJoon wakes up to his buzzing phone and is called in to work. On a scooter, he passes by a bus stop and notices graffiti. (This is the same bus stop, with matching graffiti, that appears in the Highlight Reel.) Mesmerized, he wonders if it’s TaeHyung’s. As soon as NamJoon looks up, the scooter’s brake fails, and he crashes. The shattered glass on the cold pavement reminds him of the headlight shard and the kid who looked like TaeHyung. (So the piece of glass SeokJin saw in April was really a memento NamJoon retrieved from the scene of the crash in the mountain town, where the delivery boy whom he privately called TaeHyung died. This event is described in NamJoon’s 17 December Year 21 entry in The Notes 1.) NamJoon’s vision grows blurry, and the distant sound of an ambulance doesn’t come any closer.

The arc concludes there, but it obviously marks another reset for SeokJin. It is interesting to note that in this failed loop, NamJoon suffers the same fate that he narrowly avoided in the snowy mountain town before returning to Songju.

Please stay tuned for the next Highlights post featuring JungKook and YoonGi!

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #bangtanarmynet #armysource #dailybangtan #bts universe #hyyh #bangtan universe #bts universe story #bts universe story highlights #seokjin #namjoon #namjin #bts theories

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everything-laito · 3 years

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if I don’t have tendinitis by the end of writing this series, I am officially immortal. anyways here’s the long awaited Laito and Cordelia analysis: Part I

Hi, Corn here! Holy shit I’ve been wanting to write this for forever now; idk how long this series will be but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m gonna wing it.

Lemme get something REAL clear before I begin. Because for some fucking reason I still see people trying to say that Cordelia did not molest/rape/etc Laito. Cuz she did. It’s called grooming and manipulation, sweetie. And I’ll explain that too.

Also, I’m not defending or justifying Cordelia’s actions (there’s a difference between explaining why something happens and defending it. For example, we know racism is harmful and awful, but explaining what it is and why it happens isn’t defending it). I also don’t defend Laito’s nonconsensual or abusive actions either on here, I also wanna clarify that. I just merely explain his theorized rationale and psyche.

God I don’t even know where to start, or where this is exactly going to end, but my god, time to pop off. I’m going to divide this into sections as well.

Also I think this is usually a given with all the Laito stuff I put on here, but, spoilers ahead! And trigger warnings galore! Pedophilia/rape/abuse/grooming/depression/anxiety are the ones I can think of now, but all of those are really a given on this blog. Just wanna emphasize it because I’m gonna go deep into em.

As always,,,,, rant under the cut~!

Section 1: Before the Storm (insert Life is Strange joke here)

There’s quite a bit of back and forth about where Cordelia started doing this. I just finished Dark Fate and the conversation between the triplets caught my eye. Laito mentions in his Dark Fate Ecstacy Epilogue that implies Cordelia wasn’t abusive at first. It’s revealed how Karlheinz used Cordelia just for his Adam and Eve experiment to create a new human race, which is why he blatantly ignores her after courting her and making her have kids that she didn’t even wanna have. Which is. Yikes. I’d say that’s a form of coercive pregnancy abuse.

The conversation turns to Laito who then says that Cordelia lost her mind due to of sexual frustration and then hurt the triplets. Sexual frustration is a real and common thing, but I’m gonna explain the potential logistics of this being turned into abuse.

Sexual frustration in general can be described as a sense of “dissatisfaction stemming from a discrepancy between a person’s desired and achieved sexual activity” (source). I know it’s from Wikipedia but the phrasing of that definition is just too perfect. (also Wikipedia’s good just to get the basics from ;) ) Sexual frustration can happen from physical, mental, emotional, social, religious, or spiritual barriers. Everyone has some kind of ideal sexual activity, whether it be innate and or learned (like getting used to sexual acts over time, whether that be from a traumatic or consensual experience). However, I can safely say that Cordelia has high libido, regardless of the reason.

Oxytocin, my absolute favorite hormone to talk about, is huge in this case. Touch starvation (what I’d say most of us are going through now because of quarantine) also depends on oxytocin level. We’re social creatures, and we need touch in some way. Having sexual needs is also not a thing to be shameful of (if you do have them), since that is also very human and very biological. Oxytocin is needed for so many things! From social bonding, sexual bonding, reproduction in general, and general emotional wellbeing. Everyone has different levels of oxytocin needs. With a lack of oxytocin, whether it causes sexual frustration or touch starvation (or both), it can create fear, anxiety, and or depression. This has to do with my favorite part of the brain, the amygdala. It’s this lil almond shaped part (hence, amygdala, which is Latin for “almond”) is responsible for empathy, your fight and flight response, as well as SO many other things. I’ll talk more about the amygdala later, because I’m getting off track.

Back to the logistics of oxytocin deficiency and abuse. Basically, I didn’t initially think that touch starvation or sexual frustration could get so bad that someone would resort to abuse. Haven’t found anything that supports that either. However, since it is linked to depression and stress, I do believe Cordelia would have other underlying psychological issues that made her response to depression and stress just so much worse. It’s kind of obvious that Karlheinz absurd her, and when someone goes through a traumatic episode, there’s different coping mechanisms or different emotions are triggered. Maybe even before Karlheinz she had issues, but we will never know. I just know that Cordelia seems susceptible to some kind of manic episodes, such as mood swings and intense behaviors.

Dark Fate confirms that Karlheinz most likely used this, and used Cordelia due to her Founder blood and that her psyche was “optimal” to eventually have the triplets kill her. Karl can see the future and past etc, I believe that was confirmed in Lost Eden too. Anyways, all of this paves the way to what Cordelia did to the triplets.

Section 2: The Beginning

There’s been quite a bit of back and forth between when did Cordelia start sexually abusing Laito? We know that Kanato and Ayato were abused when they were young, but there’s no flashbacks in Laito’s routes that depicts him being a child (to my knowledge). Not saying Laito wasn’t abused when he was a child, but I can assure you that the first time Cordelia had explicit sex with Laito was when he was older.

Special thanks to @vampiretsuki and @amiecris for helping me think this through on Zara’s server!

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance.

Now, you may be thinking, “Oh! What about Ayato and Laito’s Versus II CD?! Didn’t it mention that Laito wasn’t in the triplet’s shared bed 9/10 times?!” And yeah, if you remembered that, kudos to you! Yes, you’re totally right. I thought this was some inconsistent writing, but I don’t believe so. I believe Cordelia was grooming Laito as a kid. For some reason, grooming never came to my mind, it was Tsuki who mentioned grooming, and Cris also backed that notion up. It’s not confirmed if Cordelia planned to do this to Laito in the beginning (which I doubt, I think she sexually exploited him on a whim due to sexual frustration and because Karl wouldn’t; and the suitors she had wasn’t “enough” for her) but I think it’s implied that it happened (from the earlier excerpt). As for grooming, here’s an excerpt from the VS II CD:

Ayato: You weren’t even there 9 out of the 10 times. Laito: So you knew, Ayato-kun. Ayato: … Laito: You know, I have been thinking how I came to be the person I am today. I am still wondering why wasn’t it Ayato-kun or Kanato-kun.

God that’s so SAAAD! This is why Laito being groomed from a young age would make sense. It would also make sense as to why he was so dismissive and hesitant to help Ayato out. In Ayato’s flashbacks, Laito is there, but doesn’t interfere when Cordelia gets into the picture. Laito tends to run away from his problems, and this manifests even when he’s a kid. To further the support of the claim, it’s definitely not farfetched that Cordelia would do something to a child, especially her own child. She used Kanato for his singing voice when she was having sex..... yikes. That’s another form of sexual exploitation. So uh, let’s dive right into see what grooming does,,,,, *opens another private window* Here’s the source I’ll be using too.

Grooming is a process that is typically used to sexually exploit children. Ewewewewewewew. It can be a quick or gradual process. It’s basically harnessing the trust in children utilizing constant contact. There’s not much explicit evidence describing this with Cordelia, but if Laito wasn’t sexually exploited when he was younger in the fashion he was “used” to when he got older, again I do think he was groomed. It would make sense as to why he either avoided conflict with Cordelia as a child. Either that was his own disposition (which to a degree I think it is), or maybe he was confused about Cordelia’s actions towards his other brothers, since he “loved” Cordelia. Young Laito typically fell silent when Cordelia entered the room, which again could be because of his disposition, fear, or he knows not to say much in front of her.

During the grooming process, a child can result in not being able to see coercion and deception. In general, kids 7 years old and under biologically are not able to differentiate persuasion from their own decisions, which results in the laws surrounding advertisements catering to children. Fun fact. I know we’re dealing with vampires and so their brains might not work like that, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty human. Also, we’re still not sure about their ages or how vampire biological ages work, but bear with me on this.

Another stage of grooming involves cutting off the child’s support system, whether it be family, friends, etc. I made a comment in an analysis that Laito doesn’t have a support system, and at the very least, his brothers. But even that is pretty weak. You know how it’s mentioned how Laito wasn’t even in bed with Ayato and Kanato most of the time? That’s probably due to Cordelia weakening Laito’s bonds with them. Furthermore, on the website I’m using to get information from, it says this:

Control and alienation is exercised in the following ways:

[more bullet points here]

- creating conflicting feelings of love and hate, protection and exploitation, guilt and innocence, entitlements and duties.

OOOOOHHHHHH BBBBBOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!! Ayato and Kanato say that they fucking hate Cordelia. But... Laito’s the only one that says he “loves” her. He also says that he hates her. So, from this, I think it might be safe to say that Cordelia groomed Laito as a child, and continued to use those tactics when he was older.

Well, I’m gonna end it here for part one. That was quite the ride, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless! Next part, we’ll be getting into Laito when he’s older and the effects it had on him, along with some other crazy dark sides of psychology. I still won’t be answering many of my inbox questions until this huge analysis is finished, sorry! I kinda wanna focus on this first. But feel free to hit me up with any questions! I’ll still get to them :)

Any Cordelia/Laito questions will most likely be answered in this series, just a heads up. But if you have any questions pertaining to Cordelia/Laito right now or after the series, feel free to hit me up still! Any clarifying questions for this post or anything in general are always encouraged as well if you’re confused or want me to elaborate on something :)

Part two is planned to be up next week! See ya then ;) -Corn

#analysis #Laito sakamaki #sakamaki laito #raito sakamaki #sakamaki raito #Cordelia sakamaki #sakamaki cordelia #diabolik lovers #dialover #dialovers #dl #corn pops off again

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wallwriterstuff · 3 years

Text

Found Family ||Demetri Volturi x Female!Reader||

Part 2 found here: Baby’s First Christmas

Warnings: Anxiety and panic, mentions of child endangerment

Words: 7565

Summary: A request for @kpopgirlbtssvt

There are things Demetri never thought he could have, things he had never dreamed would be within his grasp ever again. He has plenty of experience with newborns…just not your kind of newborn.

He was absolutely perfect. You couldn’t imagine anyone better for you than Jeremy. He had always been the sweet kind, the kind that complimented you when he held doors open and gave you his jacket when you were cold, the kind that paid for one date if you got the next. He was a hit with your parents and your friends. You were just so sure about him, more sure than you’d ever been about any of the other idiots you dated throughout university. That was why you were confident it was going to be okay when you missed your period that month, because this baby was Jeremy’s and he was your perfect match, your partner for life, so wasn’t it time to start living it? You’d told him the same night your first pregnancy test came back positive.

You’d never seen a man pack so fast.

Everything that was his in your shared apartment was gone and with no one to fill the space you had been forced to move home. Moving home meant telling your parents you were pregnant and that your baby daddy had run off into the wind, and that had gone down about as well as sticking a fox in a henhouse would. For the past eleven months it had been constant snubs, snide little remarks and complete overreaction to everything you did from your parents. How were you supposed to learn how to be a mother if your own constantly hovered and took over at the slightest perception something was wrong? Your daughter had been in this world for two months and she had most likely been held by your parents more than she had you. The timing of your friend’s sudden job offer was perfect for you.

She had planned a holiday in one of the more scenic cities of Italy, shutterbug that she was, but the job required her to move across your home city post haste. With her holiday deposit on the line, everything had been transferred into your name and the ticket dropped off at your doorstep. Your parents had done their best to convince you to stay of course.

You’re not ready to go on a holiday alone with her.

What’ll happen when she gets fussy on the plane hmm? You think she won’t? How will you handle all the people looking at you then?

We still help you with night feeds, how are you going to do that on your own?

You ignored every single one of their pleas and got yourself and your daughter out of there. The moment the heat and the sunshine and invaded your senses you knew you had made the right decision. Lyra wasn’t sure what to make of the sunglasses you put on her little face, and more often than not she pulled off the wide brimmed hat on her head, which left you in a very cyclical routine of putting hats and glasses on whenever they came off. There was lots of green space in Volterra, and so many beautiful alleyways hiding quaint little shops to wonder about in. Your spending money was limited but it didn’t mean you didn’t splurge on a few treats. Your favourite place by far though had to be the fountain in the centre of the square.

Though it was often bustling in the daytime, come the evenings it was calmer and quieter, cooler to. Laying back in the crook of your arm, Lyra seemed to find the splashing sounds of water and the way the light reflected off of it absolutely fascinating. If you had had a full day she sometimes napped, but when she was awake her little eyes were wide with wonder and she looked between you and the water a lot, trying to communicate with you exactly what she thought about it. You pandered to her of course, rocking her gently as you had a one-sided conversation about how beautiful Volterra was. If you didn’t have responsibilities back at home you could happily see yourself adapting to this slower pace of life. As it was, this small dose of peace in your newfound haven was all you would get, so you decided to make the most of it.

It was one of your last days in the city when you were approached by her. She was Aphrodite incarnate you were sure, statuesque with flawless skin shrouded in shadow, yet her hair couldn’t hide from the sun. No, it caught the beams and threw them back at the world with a dazzling amount of shine that left you utterly awed as she approached you. She looked down at Lyra, plush lips pulling into a smile and revealing perfectly white, straight teeth.

“Buon pomeriggio, hai bisogno di assistenza?” she asked. Her voice was like honey, sweet and smooth, trickling through your consciousness until all other noise simply faded away. You blinked yourself out of your stupor, your brain scrambling to try and translate what little Italian you had picked up over the past week you had been staying here. You could hazard a guess at the last word, and you knew the greeting well enough, but you weren’t sure about the rest.

“I’m sorry, erm, I don’t know that much Italian, Er…erm… non capisco?” you tried. Her laughter was as sweet as angel song, as feather light on your ears as a lover’s whisper.

“I see. I asked if you need assistance. Are you perhaps waiting for someone?” she questioned. Her accent was thick but oddly out of place, seemingly a mix of many different accents mingled into one. It wasn’t unpleasant to listen to however.

“Oh, no we’re okay thank you.” You smiled up at her, squinting slightly in the harsh sunlight. Her head tilted, glossy waves of caramel falling like satin over her shoulder, one strand slipping over the next in a gorgeous waterfall that left you more mesmerised than even her voice could.

“Then perhaps I might interest you in a tour of Castello Volterra? It’s so hot out here, the ancient stone will keep you cool and give you chance to take many more marvellous pictures.” Her head turned, a silent indicator that your camera had taken her interest. Your cheeks flushed pink – how much more obviously a tourist could you be? Lyra had yet to stir in your arms and you glanced down towards her, biting your lip. She’d been asleep for quite a while now and had been safely in the shade of her hat, but a cooler indoor climate would probably do her some good.

“How much?” you asked, cautious of spending your remaining money. She trilled a laugh.

“I’m looking to make up numbers, some turiste dropped out and I have spaces spare.” She waved you off with ease and, well, who were you to look a gift horse in the mouth? It never occurred to you in that moment that you hadn’t even caught her name or asked for a badge; the woman was enigmatic and honestly you were more than a little enamoured so her name seemed quite irrelevant as you hurried to gather your things and walk after her. You left Lyra’s buggy at the front desk with the secretary, your daughter finally stirring some and grumpily making her displeasure known with quiet half-cries and a pouty lip. The rocking movement as you walked and the strange décor of the place was slowly drawing her attention, your hand patting her back while your free one held your camera aloft.

When you had been told you were going to tour a castle you had expected more opulent decoration, tapestries and chandeliers, maybe some plush carpets. At first you had seen what you expected, a grand library decorated in deep reds and blacks with a stain in varnished wooden flooring that came with a ghostly story of blood spilled within medieval walls. You were thrilled, your eyes magnetised to your tour guide as much as they were too any painting or gilded book cover. It wasn’t until Lyra began to fuss and take up more of your attention that you started to notice how…odd, the place felt. The stone walls did little to keep heat in and compared to the outside the castle itself was freezing. Lyra had nestled into her shawl, sharing body heat with you, but you were starting to feel goosebumps pebble your flesh now.

It was not just cold but dark too. Very little natural light entered the castle’s rooms, and on the odd occasion you found a square patch of sunlight streaming through admittedly pretty windows, your tour guide avoided it with effortless grace. The further into the castle you went, the colder, darker and less extravagant it got. Bare stone walls were embellished with little decoration and the warmth in your guide’s voice was now gone, her pace hurried and heels clacking off the stone as though she was impatient to get you to the end of this tour for some reason. You struggled to keep up and quickly fell behind, Lyra’s fussing growing worse as she too started to feel the chill in the air and odd atmosphere. Her wriggling grew more intense and you had to lower your camera to tighten your grip on your daughter, hushing her gently when she began to snuffle, huffing breaths through her nose.

They were signals you knew well. With the nappy bag over your shoulder, you slowed your pace and started to rummage through the contents of the large satchel, producing a cloth for Lyra and settling it beneath her chin as you pulled her upright somewhat, pausing in the corridor to readjust your grip on her lest you drop her. A soft cry escaped her, face scrunching in the build up to something louder when you felt the ominous presence behind you. Turning around you were face to face with a man at least a head taller than you were, dressed entirely in black with dark dreadlocks hanging over his shoulders. He radiated something dangerous, made every instinct in your body scream at you to turn and leave him be. Lyra seemingly sensed it to, letting out a wail on demand. In the brief moment where you turned your head to look at her you swore a flash of dark red, the same kind of colour as wine, caught your eye. It wouldn’t have been so strange to you if that flash of wine hadn’t appeared quite high up, at eye level, say.

Lyra was far more important though, her cries cutting off into a gurgle as she spit up just as you had expected her to. The warm vomit splashed onto the cloth, dribbling down as you scrambled to catch it and wipe her mouth. Her screaming grew louder at that, the horrible smell of bile and acid reaching your nose and making it scrunch.

“Keep moving.” The man’s voice was deep. It rumbled in his chest and shook you to your core.

“Is there a bathroom up ahead? Somewhere I can clean her up?” you asked.

“Keep moving.” He repeated, closing in on you with slow, deliberate steps that set your nerves jangling. Holding Lyra closer to your chest you clasped the back of her head tenderly, bouncing and rocking her to try get her to calm. Your daughter was here in your arms, unsettled and in need of your comfort. You had to be calm for her, even if your heart was racing in your chest.

“I need to see to my daughter.” Your voice was firm and left little room to argue, but he didn’t stop moving towards you. Heart leaping into your throat you took a step back, shaking your head and struggling to calm Lyra as you tried to remain firm and not give anymore ground. Your heart raced, a hot flush overcoming you as anxiety made itself present in a sudden, nauseous wave. Why wasn’t he stopping? Why wouldn’t he listen? Couldn’t he see your daughter needed your care? See he was scaring you?

“Keep moving and you can see to her then.” His voice wasn’t comforting in any way and it was difficult to believe a man so intense. He was twice your size and built well, very capable of man-handling you if he so chose to. You had tried to avoid looking, tried to play it off as a trick of the light, but when you looked into his eyes it was plain as day that you had been correct. His irises were the colour of rich red wine, and to your astonishment they only seemed to darken as they stared back into yours with such intensity your thundering heart was all you could hear for a moment. There was no ring around the colourful part of his eye. Nothing indicated that he was wearing contact lenses, but he couldn’t have had red eyes could he? It wasn’t possible…

“I think I better leave. Where’s the exit?” you asked shakily. Something was wrong here, wrong wrong wrong. The corridor was long, not a single door in sight. You could navigate the hallways again right? There had to be an exit somewhere close. Lyra was only growing more unsettled, screaming now at the top of her lungs. People were whispering behind you and the man was growing ever more annoyed, shooting your daughter a disgusted glare as if she had physically offended him with the noise. You instinctively held her as close to you as possible, turning slightly to shield her from him.

“Keep. Moving.” He ground out.

“My daughter isn’t well, we just need to leave! There has to be an exit near here!” you snapped. It was more fear than anything else that had made you snap, desperation more so than anger, but the man seemed to take it as such. He seemed to inflate somehow, shoulders squaring and lips pulling back over his teeth as he stalked ever closer when a pale hand intervened, gripping his arm. Given the way the man flinched, you guessed the newcomers grip was hard. Head snapping to the left, you turned to try and convince our saviour to help you, only to freeze at the sight of apple red eyes. They were the same red eyes, just different shades. He inhaled sharply as he locked eyes with you, his expression somewhat distant for a minute as you tried to make sense of the sudden and inexplicable relief. It was small, barely made a dent in your anxiety in the grand scheme of things, but it lessened some of your nauseous gut feeling to simply lay eyes on this man even if he was clearly a part of this strange tour company.

“Is the little one alright?” he asked. His voice was smooth and rich, the deep bass reverberating through your head. He had the kind of voice you could listen to all day, the kind you could envision being good for audiobooks. Lyra was still screaming in your arms, her wailing echoing back to you off the walls. You bounced her again, rocking her side to side with a shake of your head.

“No, no I need to take her back to the hotel, please, tell me where I can find the exit?” you were almost pleading with him at this point. He nodded slowly, his gaze strangely intense, unwavering and unblinking. On one hand you didn’t mind it; you liked the way he looked at you actually, with a hint of wonder and trepidation, as if you were the thing in the room to marvel at and the expensive paintings on the wall weren’t worthy of a second glance. Given the general atmosphere of unease that you had picked up on now however, his stare also left you feeling minorly uncomfortable. He held a hand out towards you, his arm open and separating you from the man with the dreadlocks.

“Allow me to escort you to a quieter room so you might tend to her needs.” He said. You swallowed thickly, itching to agree despite barely knowing him or his intentions towards you and Lyra. It felt safe, like his waiting embrace was something you could depend on. Getting you away from the strange man had to be your new priority, but could you really trust a stranger?

“Demetri, what are you doing?” your tour guide was back, her musical voice distracting you somewhat from the beautiful man before you. He was made with the finest of nature’s ingredients you were sure, with high cheekbones and a jawline that could have cut steel. His hair was the most beautiful shade of chestnut brown, his stature tall and lean, posture exuding confidence and grace. His smile was dazzlingly white and so very comforting as he ever so gently guided you towards him.

“Escorting the young lady to a room where she might see to her daughter. I will join you momentarily for the…conclusion, of the tour.” He seemed to choose his words carefully and despite how much more on edge that made you, you still stepped into him with a nod. Your eyes were drawn back to your tour guide again, unable to stray too long as her gaze turned somewhat dangerous.

“The child will be cared for as always.” Her voice was like wind chimes and you unknowingly leaned closer to hear it. The man, Demetri, immediately pulled you back and began to lead you down the hall.

“Indeed, by her mother.” He spoke as though she was still stood right beside him, yet you were sure she shouldn’t have heard anything given she was already four steps behind you both. His pace was quick, only slowing when he realised you were struggling to keep up. You could see the way his jaw clenched as Lyra screamed and you tried to shush her again, swallowing past the lump in your throat as your clawed fingers held tight to your baby.

“Where are we going? Surely there’s a bathroom or something near-“

“Somewhere we will not be disturbed, can you soothe her?” he asked, looking at your daughter with a grimace. You stumbled over your own feet a little.

“I – I’m trying.” Your stammered. He gave a terse little nod, eyes flitting about as he led you down a maze of corridors. By the time you emerged at the top of a flight of stairs you had no clue what way was up and what way was down. Perhaps that was what he had intended. Demetri quickly pushed his way past a heavy looking door made of dark, expensive looking wood; surprise flooded you, and it melted into horror as quickly as it came. A bed, you were looking at an extravagant, four poster bed, a room with a desk and a bookcase and a fireplace. This was a bedroom. Why would he bring you to a bedroom? Was it his? You shouldn’t have followed him. Tears welled in your eyes as you imagined all the horrible ways this once nice trip could turn out, and when Demetri caught sight of them he quickly shut the door with the most pained expression you’d ever seen on a man.

“I mean you no harm, truly, but there are things I am not at liberty to explain right now that you cannot conceive of. Use whatever you require from my bathroom to tend to your daughter but do not leave this room. I beg of you.” The urgency in his voice shook you to the core and your tears spiled over. His room? Why was it so imperative you not leave? What was wrong with this place that it was so dangerous to you you couldn’t leave this strange man’s room? His finger was as cold as marble and just as hard when he wiped the wetness from beneath your eye. You recoiled with a soft whimper.

“Please, just let me-“

“Stay, here. Please tesoro…Per il mio bene.” His finger delicately trailed your jawline before he was gone, the door closed behind him. It was like you had blinked and missed him. Lyra was quieting a little in your arms, though still crying she seemingly had run out of energy, not bawling anymore. You slowly sank to your knees, fresh tears springing to your eyes. You had doomed you both. What kind of irresponsible mother followed a strange man to his bedroom? Rocking back and forth, you shakily stroked the soft tufts of hair on her head, trembling and praying to a God you hadn’t really believed in before now that somehow, you would be okay.

With a quiet sniffle, you wiped your eyes hastily with your hand. Your daughter needed you to be strong right now, so even as you crumbled inside you pushed to your feet and paced towards the large bed, setting the pillows up in such a way Lyra would be securely confined away from the edges of the mattress. With quick, practiced movements, you cleaned her face with a baby wipe and changed her pretty little dress into a loose top and shorts combo, one you had packed for occasions just like this. Lyra wriggled, not enjoying the changing procedure and reaching for you. Maybe she was just as perturbed by the situation to, wanting your embrace, your comfort.

“It’s okay, we’re going to be okay, we’ll be alright baby.” You whispered shakily. You could make no such promise. Time seemed to drag by slowly, seconds feeling like eternity dripping by through the thin neck of an hourglass. Lyra had calmed after a few minutes of you rubbing her tummy, now enjoying the feel of the soft sheets maybe and being in fresh clothes, and her big eyes watched you as you paced beside the bed. It took a long time for you to pause, your mind coming to the shocking and horrific realisation that just because this Demetri fellow had told you not to leave, it didn’t mean you couldn’t.

Dashing to the door, you pushed down on the handle. Relief swept through you when it went all the way, the door clicking open, and with a soft gasp you raced back to the bed to collect your daughter. Her bag was of little consequence, though your purse and phone were so you pocketed these as you picked her up, cursing your old school phone and it’s poor battery life. With Lyra swaddled to your chest again in her shawl, lips smacking and a serious little frown on her face, you turned back towards the door only to find it closing behind the one man you didn’t want to see.

Your heart sank.

“You stayed.” He sounded surprised.

I didn’t mean to you thought hopelessly. Shaky hands came up to hold your baby girl again, Lyra sensing your obvious anxiety and beginning to shift again restlessly. She tried to turn her head, find the source of the noise, but you wouldn’t let her. Whatever he was about to do to her, you silently vowed your daughter wouldn’t see. You would suffer in silence, your lips pressed together in a firm line and your will caging your voice if only so Lyra wouldn’t suffer with you. Demetri held his hands up in front of him but the gesture was meaningless and empty – his eyes were now a vivid ruby red. The brightness of his irises frightened you. Deep down, you doubted he had simply gotten his irises retattooed in the time since he’d separated from you.

“I did, I did everything you asked, now please let us go.” You tried to keep your voice steady but the slightest warble gave away your fear. Demetri’s expression twisted into regret, an ugly expression his godly face somehow made it impossible to look away from, like you were the one who needed to comfort him, as though he was the one suffering and you weren’t.

“Next time you ask me something please, try to make it something it is within my power to do.” He said softly. Tears welled in your eyes, one spilling down your cheek.

“Okay,” you swallowed, “Then whatever you can do, are going to do, please don’t make my daughter watch. She’s so young, please-“you choked, cutting yourself off with a sharp inhale as you tried desperately to hold in the sob building in your throat. Lyra let out a noise of discontent and you immediately loosened your grip. Demetri shook his head.

“Nothing is going to happen to you tesoro. My oath was true, I mean you no harm,” he promised, pausing slightly as his eyes flitted to Lyra, “Neither of you…how old is she?” his question caught you off-guard. It was such a mundane thing to ask, given he’d more or less kidnapped you from a tour group to steal you away to his bedroom it seemed out of place almost in the conversation. You swallowed.

“That’s of no concern to you!” you snapped, turning to shield Lyra from his view some. He winced slightly, stepping closer to you.

“Will you let me explain?” he questioned, “The things I wish to tell you, need you to know, are not easy to digest, but perhaps if you know them you might yet change your opinion of me.” He ventured. His voice was casual, as though he was discussing the weather with you and was not trying to beguile you into trusting him. In truth, part of you already did, and that part had made you lean towards him ever so slightly, your ears so focused on the sound of his voice your eyes hadn’t noticed how close he was until he was mere feet away. You backed up immediately, scolding yourself for being distracted by the honeyed words of a pretty man; last time that had happened you had ended up pregnant in your childhood bedroom while your parents lectured you about condoms for three hours.

“And why would my opinion matter to you?” you demanded, cringing when your back hit stone. A window to your right gave you a beautiful view of a garden, a garden with high walls and vibrant flowers and…a disco ball? No…no wait that was…a man? You were sure the outline of a man was quite literally glowing in the sunlight, his skin reflecting the warm rays and turning them into the most beautiful diamonds that scattered along the wall he stood by. As if he sensed your eyes the bulky figure turned his head, and though his features were too far away for you to make them out you were certain he was looking at you.

“There are things in this world you dismiss as fictious but should know are very much real, tesoro.” Demetri’s voice was soft by your ear and you jumped violently, whirling around to face him. His skin did the very same thing. He stood before you, an Adonis carved straight from marble that shone bright in pure light, his room lit up by rainbows that bounced off of the prism of his skin. You reached your hand out without thinking, pure instinct driving you to both fear and question this beautiful man. When your thumb came back glitter free, your stomach churned in silent horror. There was no make up, no illusion of any sort you could see or imagine, so how was it possible he could literally shine?

“What are you?” you whispered. Demetri’s eyes never left yours, his gaze soft and somewhat sad, as if he already knew you wouldn’t like the answer.

“Vampire.” His reply was simple, yet it set off a chain reaction in your head. Every instinct that had screamed at you to run before was now screaming that it had been right and you should run again, but your rational mind scoffed and forced those feelings down even as you tried to put more distance between you both. Vampires weren’t real, and so far he had kept true to his word. Demetri had yet to hurt you, though he seemed plenty ready to lie to your face.

“They aren’t real.” You denied.

“Because my coven made you believe so,” Demetri countered, following you with slow, cautious steps, “Look at me. What man do you know of that has skin like mine? What man has these eyes? Your body knows Tesoro, it’s been telling you all along that I am wrong, has tried warning you that there are differences between us your brain cannot put a name to.”

“Stay away from us!” you warned. He froze in place, letting you put as much distance as you could between you both. With your back to the wall you stared him down, afraid to move for fear he would to. Within a blink he was in front of you, and you were falling to your knees, like he had almost anticipated your obvious collapsed. With the way your knees were knocking together it shouldn’t have been surprising really. He had moved so fast and with such startling efficiency you were left completely in awe of the smooth series of actions that led him to catch not only you, but Lyra as well. She squealed in delight, the first time you’d ever heard her make such a noise, while you could only stare with wide eyes at the man who had yet to take his arm from around your waist. He was busy watching Lyra with his own wide eyes.

“Take her,” he whispered, giving you a little nudge to get you upright, “Take her now, please, before I drop her!” he insisted. You hurriedly made a cradle and accepted your daughter back into your embrace, somewhat spellbound. Demetri had moved faster than any human could, had horrifically red eyes and skin that literally glowed…yet a baby had undone him? There was literal panic written all over his face the minute his arm had curled around your daughter and he looked quite relieved you had her now. You could only stare at him as he carefully guided you back towards the bed. Once Lyra was settled back between the pillows again you sat and listened to every tale he wished to tell you, your mind spinning.

He spoke of where he had come from and how he came to be, your mind reeling as he told you of a far off, sunny land where the Gods had ruled his life before he was given life anew. He spoke of Aro and Marcus and Caius, and the war with Romanians that had ended the slavery of your kind and sparked the dawn of an era of secrecy. He chuckled as you tentatively listed off myth after myth, taking great delight in your obvious amusement that he had been the one to circulate the rumour vampires were weakened by garlic simply because he didn’t like the way it smelled. As impossible as it all seemed, you believed him. Demetri had maintained a respectable distance from you at all times, looking more relaxed and at ease the longer you spoke. Not a toe out of line.

The cadence of his voice had lulled Lyra to sleep, your own nerves soothed by the rhythmic rise and fall as he told his stories with the kind of expertise only extensive practice could bring. The wonder couldn’t last however, not when you remembered there were other people beyond the door to his room.

“Our tour guide…” you trailed off, shifting uncomfortably. Demetri looked regretful.

“Less a tour guide and more a fisherwoman. Heidi is like me, as is the man who dared try to confront you in the corridor.” His eyes narrowed a bit, the memory clearly unpleasant to him. You swallowed, your heart skittering in your chest.

“A fisherwoman?” you questioned, your voice weak. Demetri observed you carefully, looking reluctant to speak now. You were by no means stupid; you had a fairly good idea what he had meant but you wanted to hear him say it. He seemed impossibly perfect and as silly as it sounded, hearing him admitting to this one great flaw might actually soothe some of your own insecurities you were struggling with by just being near him. You were still losing a baby fat after all and the stretch marks…well your skin was not as unblemished as his.

“I think you know.” He said finally. You exhaled in a rush, fingers curling into the fabric of your skirt so tightly your knuckles turned white.

“She’s not even a year old,” you whispered, “My daughter isn’t even a year old, and you were going to…she brought us here to…” you couldn’t even finish your sentence, squeezing your eyes closed as you thought of the rest of the people in your tour group and the fate they must have endured. There was an elderly couple, Americans you thought, talking of how their history loving granddaughter would adore the pictures they were taking about the place. A young couple of Indian origin you guessed who were speaking their native tongue as they walked arm in arm, their gazes adoring as they stared at each other, a honeymoon couple perhaps whispering sweet nothings and fantasising about the life they were embarking on together.

“We would not have laid a hand on her,” Demetri swore, his voice somewhat cross, “We are not monsters, tesoro. Your child would have been taken to the authorities and given a good home.”

“Without me. You would have killed me and let my daughter grow up, without me.” Your voice was rising in pitch now and you pushed to your feet as the hysteria began to rise once more. Demetri shook his head.

“I would have done no such thing!” he snapped, losing his temper with you for the first time since you’d met. You took a hesitant step backward, afraid now you knew what he could really do but reluctant to leave him so near Lyra. Lyra…so small and vulnerable and still utterly asleep. He took a breath, running a hand through his hair.

“Why not? Why would you save us?” you couldn’t wrap your head around it. Your tour group had met a grisly end so why hadn’t you? Why had you been spared this fate? Why did he favour you? Demetri looked saddened again, his entire expression crestfallen, like a puppy who’d been scolded for being too close to the Christmas tree.

“I had hoped you would feel it, that you would know, at least on some superficial level.” He seemed to be speaking to himself, distracted by watching Lyra’s chest rise and fall as her mouth moved, eyelids fluttering. It was your favourite expression on her, the one she wore when she dreamed. For a moment Demetri looked wistful, as though he was watching something he desperately wanted but was out of his reach from a distance too great to cross.

“Feel what?” you groaned, your exasperation now obvious. It was difficult to be afraid now he’d told you everything. It didn’t make sense for him to spare you just to kill you now, especially not now he’d divulged what you guessed was a great secret to you. What exactly did he expect you to feel that you hadn’t already? The whole afternoon had been a roller coaster that left you thoroughly exhausted; fear, anxiety, awe, disbelief, scepticism and more had all been prevalent in your heart today and you weren’t sure how much more it could take.

“The mate pull,” Demetri said finally, tearing his eyes away from Lyra to look up at you, “My kind, we feel so much more deeply than humans do. Some people appeal to us so much it sets a bond. Fate has a hand to play in this to of course, making a pair so compatible that neither can deny the other was made for them.” You stomach dropped, mouth forming a perfect ‘O’. Without thinking your hand whipped up to slap him, your hand almost breaking on impact with his cheek. His head barely moved, though he did blink a bit in shock, something you had yet to see him do despite the time you spent together. The sharp sound woke Lyra up and she let out an abrupt, piercing cry, startled and upset while you hopped up to shake your hand out with a curse.

Demetri looked absolutely flabbergasted, his head turning between you and your daughter as if trying to figure out which one of you to approach first. His hand reached for Lyra, his lips protruding in the perfect pout as he tried to shush her.

“Keep your hands off of her you pervert!” you cried, hurrying forward to scoop her up and taking a few steps back from him. There was no fear anymore, just pure rage. It boiled in your veins and curdled in your stomach, the intense disgust you felt towards him unparalleled by anything else.

“I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me! I don’t care what you are or what your world’s rules are but in mine, you keep your ancient ass hands off of my infant daughter!” you warned. Demetri paused, his eyes widening slightly before he recoiled from you with an obvious shudder.

“You think I – no! Gods no tesoro! Your daughter is not – I do not – it was you! I meant you!” he hurried to amend himself as your glare grew more vicious, and the simple confession made your mind fritz. There was nothing for a moment, a blissful few seconds of pure silence in your head, no frantic thoughts or feelings, just pure nothingness as you tried to comprehend what this gorgeous stranger was telling you.

“You…what?”

“I meant you, tesoro. The moment I laid eyes on you I was sure…do you truly not feel it?” Demetri asked, hesitantly stepping closer. You let him this time, swallowing thickly.

“What should I be feeling? Beyond confusion, there’s…there’s a lot of confusion.” You mumbled, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. His lips pulled into the slightest smile, but it quickly disappeared when Lyra let out another piercing cry. Neither of you had seen to her yet and you quickly set to work making sure she could see and hear you as you rocked her, patting her bottom as you swayed side to side. As she began to quieten down once more, looking confused and tired and grumpy with you for the long day you had turned out to be having, Demetri very hesitantly moved closer to you both again.

“Perhaps you feel curiosity, a desire to know me better. You may feel something when I am close to you, that tries to keep you near to me. There are many things you might feel, I could not possibly guess all of them as we all react differently to the mate pull, but I know I feel it quite acutely when I look at you.” He confessed freely, his eyes fixed on Lyra’s head. He lifted his hand, pausing to look at you for permission as his fingers neared her head. You glanced between them, finding Lyra looking at him with big eyes, no doubt confused as to why his eyes were a vivid shade of red while yours were a bright Y/E/C. If Demetri had proven anything to you so far it was that he really meant to uphold his oath, he wasn’t going to hurt either of you.

When you nodded, he ever so gently began to stroke her hair like he was touching the most precious and delicate of diamonds. Maybe it was this so-called mate pull, maybe it wasn’t, but your heart almost burst in that moment as you watched him share such a tender moment with Lyra, a moment her own father couldn’t even be bothered with. He looked absolutely enraptured with her, murmuring soft things in Italian you couldn’t hope to understand with the faintest wisp of a smile.

“Would you like to hold her?” you asked. The thought had escaped your mouth before you could fully process it and it made Demetri pause, his expression twisting quickly into concern.

“I better not, I fear I might hurt her.” he frowned. Lyra’s lips smacked, a slight huff escaping her – she clearly didn’t enjoy not holding his attention.

“I think she might hurt you if you don’t. It’s easy, I’ll show you.” You encouraged. Demetri was still shaking his head when you expertly jostled your daughter in one crooked arm and used the other to start moving his.

“Tesoro I think that I shouldn’t-“

“So long as you remember to support her head it’ll be okay, she’s only two months old, the support is key for her right now.” You explained, already handing him Lyra. There was no hesitation there, not anymore, you knew he wouldn’t hurt either of you. Demetri let out a small, panicked huff as he tried to settle his arms somewhat, relax into letting Lyra fit there. She looked thoroughly perplexed for a moment as he did his best to adjust his grip, head turning to you as if to say ‘what’s with this amateur Mom?’ before she lifted a tiny hand to place it against his chest, snuggling down into the cradle of his arm.

“Is this okay?” he asked. You nodded, unable to fight back your smile. He was adorably flustered, something you were surprised the suave vampire could be. All wide-eyed with awe you had to wonder if this was the first time he’d ever held a baby before. He stood still as stone, afraid to jostle her it seemed as they had an intense stare off. Lyra was the first to break it, a wide yawn splitting her face as her blinks grew longer. You watched her fall right asleep in his arms, slowly perching yourself on the edge of his bed to contemplate everything this meant. Demetri was a vampire, something out of your wildest imaginings, maybe a nightmare even. He had been going to feed on your tour group, on . He had been going to feed on your tour group, on you, but some supposed bond between you had made him save your life instead. Now, he held your daughter like she was precious gold in his hands, whispering sweet nothings to her in a language you couldn’t understand with eyes as doting as any father’s should be.

Did he already see himself that way? The thought made you mildly uncomfortable. He had a lot to prove to you before you’d even consider giving him the title of boyfriend, never mind father. It clicked suddenly, the realisation that your heart had already decided and was waiting for your brain too catch up. Demetri had captured your attention in more ways than one and his world sounded…fascinating.

“What if you stop feeling this pull? Are we in danger then?” you asked finally. Demetri seemed to struggle to tear his eyes from Lyra for a moment, but when his eyes met your’s they were flooded with sincerity.

“Vampires mate for life tesoro…even if I wished to fall for another in the midst of an argument perhaps, I physically no longer have the capacity to. It is you and only you who was made for me.” He vowed, moving at a snail’s pace to carefully sit himself beside you.

“We’re a bit of a package deal.” You pointed out. Demetri nodded.

“It was not expected, that I might find my mate with a child, but I confess I find myself in awe of her. Two months, did you say?” he questioned, glancing briefly at you. You nodded.

“Yeah, yeah two months old.”

“So she will not stay this small for much longer?” he sounded almost sad and you giggled slightly.

“Believe me, the sooner she sleeps through the better.” You lifted your hand to gently run a fingertip down her cheek.

“If you stayed I have no need for sleep, I could see to her in the night with some guidance, but I know I cannot ask that of you.” He sighed. You swallowed, the nerves fluttering in your gut. He was already asking you to move in with him? You wanted to see a red flag but you couldn’t. Demetri clearly wanted to look after you both. Why shouldn’t you let him?

“My parents would go mad.” You agreed hesitantly. Demetri chuckled.

“I shall have to win them over then. A child complicates matters, buys us more time to figure out exactly how we might proceed. She is a blessing, tesoro.” He promised you. Your brows pulled low together.

“What does Tesoro mean?” you asked.

“Ah, it means darling…I may have neglected to get your name.” he admitted bashfully. Your eyes widened, mind replaying all the time you’d spent with him that afternoon. He wasn’t wrong, you hadn’t introduced yourself once.

“It’s Y/N. Y/N L/N. That there, is little miss Lyra.” You told him. Demetri sighed.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful pair…her father must be missing her, no?” he was clearly hesitant to ask and you didn’t blame him. You couldn’t imagine how difficult it would be to just…walk into someone’s life, knowing they were made for you and find they already had a child that wasn’t yours. Come to think of it could vampires even have children? You had so much to learn…

“He left the minute he found out I was pregnant…you’ve spent more time with her than he ever has.” You informed him, the bitterness in your voice obvious. Demetri looked upset by that but you didn’t question or comment on it. With slow, careful movements, he gently began to rock her. You doubted he would relinquish her to your grasp anytime soon.

“He is a fool…but I’m not.” He whispered. You smiled slightly, a strange warmth filling your gut. Who’d have thought you’d find your very own Prince Charming while touring a castle?

#twilight #twilight fanfiction #demetri volturi #demetri volturi x reader #female reader #volturi #heidi volturi #newborn #fluff #so much fluff #you could make a build-a-bear factory with it #single mom reader

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airgetlamhh · 4 years

Text

Thoughts on Lostbelt 2

Longpost ahead.

So.

Lostbelt 2. Finally played it after so long, and this will contain spoilers.

To make sure everyone knows what they’re getting into, I’ll give the thesis statement right here: Lostbelt 2 is bad.

The entire time I played through the story, I kept waiting for it to pick up. I kept waiting for it to shrug off the poor pacing, the deus ex machinas, the random things just happening for the convenience of the plot. I kept waiting for it to shrug off the poor characterization, the constant telling instead of showing, the moral myopia. It never did.

From nearly the very start to finish, Lostbelt 2 is bad.

We start off fairly fine! A desperate ploy to sneak through the Lostbelt to meet up with the allies we’ve learned about, the Wandering Sea, interrupted by a Lostbelt Servant attacking us with the intent of stealing the Paper Moon that allows us to perform Zero Sails. All of that is a decent setup!

And then we’re told how strong this Saber is. How incredible they are. How their swordplay surpasses anything else they’ve ever seen, how they desperately wish that Musashi was there, how no no, he didn’t use his sword, he only parried! Things that Sherlock Holmes observes, not Mashu, not the one who’s actually been fighting for two years now, so Mashu seems borderline useless. Holmes figures out it’s Sigurd because...he uses a sword in a Scandinavian Lostbelt, and he figured out that Holmes used magic because Holmes fire magic lasers at him. From this, Holmes is able to pinpoint Sigurd’s identity, and that’s just the setup for the rest of the chapter, really.

To be specific, what I mean is that we will constantly be told how incredible someone is with very little evidence, and the plot will bend and warp to make certain things happen.

The scene does exactly one good thing, which is the foreshadowing of Surtr. Coming into it knowing that aspect allowed me to appreciate little bits like Surtr talking about Heroic Spirits like he wasn’t one, and Surtr not being able to kill Mashu because Sigurd resisted it. But that’s about all that was good in the scene, and all it really does is set up a consistent thing of Surtr being one of the only good parts - until he isn’t, of course.

I’m going to shift here from specifics to characters, because otherwise I’d be rehashing the entire story and I don’t have the time or effort required for that. That being said, it is difficult to decide where to start, so I’ll go right to the very building blocks of the story, the themes.

Lostbelt 2 is, very obviously, attempting to have a theme of different kinds of love throughout the story. Part of this is because it’s very much set up like an otome game that the author Hikaru Sakurai would write, with Ophelia in the center, but it’s a more general theme too, with Skadi and the others all building up towards it. Now, love is an absolutely wonderful thing to build your themes around, exploring and examining it can be great for stories. Beasts themselves do that, examining different varieties of genuine, but toxic love that allow them to be well-meaning monsters.

The problem is that Lostbelt 2 does not engage with these themes on anything but a surface level. Skadi represents maternal love, so she constantly talks about how everyone is her children and how she’s their mother. No examination of the desire to see her children grow, the pain she feels when they fight, the struggle of forcing herself to cling so tightly knowing that it’s suffocating them and going to kill them before they reach 26.

Napoleon represents passionate love, so he flirts with every woman he sees. No examination of why he’s so passionate or what drives him to burn so brightly, beyond a token mention that for some reason when he’s summoned he’s driven to seek out a lover, another aspect of things happening to serve the plot.

Sigurd and Brynhildr represent true, romantic love, so they act mushy the entire chapter from the moment the real Sigurd appears. Now, don’t get me wrong, I liked their scenes a lot and I’m happy that they chose that portrayal instead of the one I was afraid of where it was yandere jokes day in day out. But there’s no engagement with the fundamentals of their love, nothing that tests it, even the existing complications with Brynhildr’s tragic summoning are swept away with a single line of “I can resist them better now maybe because my saint graph is broken”, so ultimately there’s no conflict whatsoever. And sure, that’s nice, but it’s not very good if you’re trying to build your story around a theme of love.

Next, Surtr, who represents obsessive, dangerous love. I honestly actually think Surtr’s done well, even if the love he happens to represent is the least positive one. Surtr is capable of only one thing, destruction, and when he fell for Ophelia in that moment where she saw him and he saw her, he decided that if he ever had the chance, he would repay her the only way he knew how: allowing her to watch as he destroyed everything. When he’s summoned, he acts basically like the possessive one in an otome game, constantly talking about how Ophelia is his woman, getting angry when Napoleon flirts with her, spending most of his time pushing things between them as far as they can go etc. etc. I’m not particularly a fan of how his desire to repay Ophelia battling against his singular purpose transformed him into a typical possessive bastard boyfriend, but it’s at least engaged with on a deeper level.

Finally, Ophelia. She’s the otome game protagonist here, born into an controlling family and finally freed, hiding a secret special power, beloved by almost all the men involved in the chapter while she’s harboring feelings for someone else, even has the typical friendship route with Mashu going on. Her love is a love that she doesn’t acknowledge, but that’s all it is. It’s never engaged with beyond the fact that she clearly loves Kirschtaria but insists she doesn’t, and her final scene as she dies is Mashu telling her that yes, she did love Kirschtaria. That’s all.

For a theme of love that’s supposedly woven into the Lostbelt, it’s barely examined at all. It’s not well written, and in comparison to Lostbelt 1′s theme of what it means to live in a world where the strong devour the weak and how deeply it examined and engaged with that, it’s a genuine disappointment.

Now, to move onto the plot, it’s...in the abstract, it’s fine. Chaldea is intercepted and forced to fight in the Lostbelt and ends up dragged into the overarching ploy by Surtr to release himself and burn everything. That’s a perfectly fine story, but the problem is that when you get to the moment-to-moment stuff, it falls apart completely.

Skadi is constantly talked up as this incredibly powerful true goddess, not merely a Divine Spirit, and we know she can see and hear our every move because of her snow. How does the story work around this borderline omniscience within her Lostbelt? Skadi just decides not to do anything about Chaldea with zero rhyme or reason. We need to sneak into the palace and avoid alerting the guards, except Skadi already knows exactly where we are, except that doesn’t matter because we need to sneak in for some reason. We get captured with no plan to escape, and it just so happens that not only was Skadi keeping a Divine Spirit amalgamation locked in the dungeons too, but that she can piggyback on you making a contract with Napoleon (pure dumb luck you hadn’t done it before) and force a connection with you too, and then cast spells to hide you while you escape. Skadi knows we’re trying to free Brynhildr, who is the sole threat to Sigurd and Skadi’s own Valkyries in the entire Lostbelt? She just decides to do nothing at all.

So much of the plot happens because either Skadi makes terrible decisions to do nothing, even though she knows Chaldea is there to destroy her entire world, or it happens because random shit goes on that couldn’t have been planned for like Sitonai. Shit like Surtr suddenly becoming Fafnir and being able to use the Evil Dragon Phenomenon to brainwash Ophelia somehow, like Ophelia’s Mystic Eye being able to do anything the plot demands, even when it explicitly goes against its existing capabilities like rewinding time on Sigurd’s wounds, like Bryn and Surtr somehow being able to resist the effects of her eye with no buildup or explanation. It’s poorly written in terms of the exact events that happen, and that all culminates in Skadi’s one cool moment, where she declares she’s going to kill the seven billion we fight for for the sake of her ten thousand...and then right after, it reveals that Skadi was going easy on us and refused to use her runes of instant death for no reason even though she was fighting for the survival of her entire world. The moment to moment plot is not good, and neither is what comes next, the worldbuilding.

In Skadi’s Lostbelt, half the world is covered in Surtr’s flames, while the other half is blanketed in Skadi’s snow. Where the two areas meet are the only places where life can grow, and so Skadi set up villages there. Unfortunately, there isn’t enough food for everyone, so she enforces strict population control: if you are not the mother or father of a child by 15, you are sent away to be killed by the giants. If you are the mother or father of a child, you are sent away to be killed at 25 instead. Through this tragic method, Skadi enforces a limit of 100 villages with 100 people, a total population of 10000. This is all fine.

But take a closer look at what we actually see, and this falls apart. First, the giants. The giants are immortal and never need to eat. They do nothing but sleep all day and attack any human that comes close to them. Later, it’s revealed that they’ll attack any heat source including Valkyries, except we know that’s not true. Giants never attack each other, they never attack and destroy any of the plant life around them, they never attack the Lostbelt tree seeds, they even fight alongside mass-produced Valkyries before it’s revealed that Skadi and the three originals can mind-control them! They exist only to destroy, but Skadi can control them with her masks and indeed uses them as labour, keeping them chained up in her castle to be brought out and controlled as needed, or using them to guard Brynhildr’s castle.

Worst of all, the first time we meet anyone in the chapter, it’s Gerda, who is sneaking out of her village to go to the massive liveable area close to Village 23. This area happens to be the only place she can go to get medicinal herbs that she needs or one of the people in her village will die in childbirth. This area is also full of giants, who have not destroyed it despite being fertile and full of life and heat, and who are allowed to take this place that could be used to grow more food for humans who need it, and simply stay there doing nothing.

Now, this is where I thought the game would engage with things. How Skadi, in professing her love for all her children, is actually being cruel and unfair. They certainly set it up in the conversations she has, where she casually mentions how humans must die for her coexistence to continue. Skadi chooses to keep the giants alive despite the fact that they are all braindead and can do nothing but kill and destroy the moment their masks are removed. She chooses to keep them alive even though it comes at the expense of the humans who must die when the giants never make that same sacrifice. She chooses to allow them fertile land even though they cannot farm nor do they need food, and in doing so deprive the humans of potentially living longer, having more supplies to do so. She makes these strange choices and then later reveals she can control the giants to do her bidding, and it all seems to fall into place.

What we see from how she’s characterized early on is that the system is unfair and Skadi is unwilling to change, because it benefits her tremendously. Gerda’s village didn’t have enough herbs to save the children forced to breed by 15, and despite Skadi’s omniscience letting her know that Gerda had snuck out and was trying to save a life, she did nothing. There was no system in place to beg a Valkyrie to get these herbs, and no indication whatsoever that Skadi would use her powers to control the giants to save Gerda’s life. The picture painted is someone who cares about humanity not out of true care, but simply out of obligation. Those who disobey her rules, even for good reasons, are left to die by the engines of destruction she keeps alive.

That’s not the story it tells later on, though. Skadi, portrayed from the start as this all-powerful goddess with complete control over everything, is revealed to be far weaker than we thought, and far less monstrous. Ignore all the times she did control the giants, she actually can’t do it all that well. Ignore all the times she declared she would not allow anyone she loved to be killed, but chose not to act to tell her Valkyries or her giants or anything else to save either Chaldea or Gerda. Ignore the evidence we see on screen that there’s more land that’s simply taken over by the giants, Skadi can only make those initial 100 villages and can’t make any more. Skadi is not bad. Skadi did the best she could. Skadi is morally right.

Please love Skadi, there’s no complicated moral quandary here, she’s just Good.

Comparisons to Lostbelt 1 are impossible to avoid. Both have the same basic cause, a calamity that was impossible to predict and impossible to avert. The stagnation that dooms a Lostbelt created by the kings in question in their desperation to survive. Ivan turned humanity into the Yaga and created a world of strength, where progress is impossible because everyone in his new world was too busy devouring each other to work together. Skadi created a world of weakness, where progress is impossible because she limited the population to avoid everyone dying out. There is, however, one crucial difference between the two. Not in terms of story, not in terms of characters, not in terms of themes.

“Your existence itself has already become a grave sin.”

That one line, spoken to Ivan, is the biggest difference between how the story engages things. In both Lostbelts, Ivan and Skadi did horrible things and made horrible choices because they had to, for the sake of survival. Ivan twisted humanity into monsters that lost capacity for mercy or empathy, while Skadi forced brutal population control and careless death on humanity because of her refusal to allow the giants to be destroyed. Both of them did horrible things, but only one is held to account by the story.

What Ivan did was evil, and the story recognises it. It doesn’t accept the excuse that it was all necessary for survival, because that’s irrelevant. It’s evil regardless. This same sentiment should have been expressed with Skadi, but it’s not. Ivan is condemned, but Skadi is absolved. She had no choice. She did the best she could. After building her up as all-powerful, the end of the story instead destroys her agency and power in its haste to prevent any kind of responsibility falling on Skadi’s head. Even to the very end, where she declares that she’ll kill all seven billion lives we fight for for the sake of her ten thousand, she holds back and allows us to win, despite how it butchers her character.

The biggest irony in all this is that Ivan’s world was worse than hers in ways. There was no way for the blizzards to stop, no meat besides for the demonic beasts. Crops couldn’t grow, and instead of living in peace, the Yaga were constantly tormented and killed by the Oprichniki. There were no liveable areas like there are in Lostbelt 2, no merciful ruler that sees all, and controls the greatest threats, no peaceful villages where food can be grown. There’s far more justification for Ivan to claim he had no choice and that he did all he did for survival, because it’s hard to see what his choices were. But Skadi? Skadi intentionally does not act and intentionally allows suffering and pain to come to her children, both actively by not saving Gerda, and passively by allowing the giants to take land they don’t need. Despite this, Skadi is absolved, because the story desperately wants her to be a tragic waifu that you love.

There’s lots more I could talk about. How Sitonai was pointless and existed only for a pathetic FSN reference. How Gerda was a cowardly and manipulative piece of writing compared to Patxi. How Ophelia’s story of always being told what to do is resolved not by her taking the step to freedom herself, but being told to free herself by someone else. The constant repetition that plagues the chapter, the weirdly prevalent sexism that everyone gets in on when it comes to Ophelia’s love life, the nonsense of the final battle itself, the absolute nonsense of Skadi being Scáthach-Skadi. I could even talk about how I’d fix the chapter, because boy howdy there’s a lot there.

There’s lots more I could talk about, but this is already very long, and I think it speaks for itself. Obviously asks are available if anyone wants me to examine them in more detail, but for now, I’ll finish off with one last reminder.

Lostbelt 2 is bad.

#FGO #fgo lostbelt #cosmos in the lostbelt #Lostbelt 2 #Fate Grand Order #Fate/Grand Order

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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“And being a head type, I write characters through my head and theirs more than my feelings or their feelings” - Can you expand on this? I’d be curious about the different triads effect how we write, and how we write characters. Being a gut type instead of a head type is one of the things I find hard to understand about me being a 9, and that may help me understand it on a practical level.

I’m friends with a 9 and our process is very different; she says she does not think as hard about everything I am writing as I do but kind of goes with the flow.

Everything I do, from my daily life to planning a book, is a strong process of thinking about it – how does this fit together, does this make sense, if I do this what is the logical consequence within the story, how do I structure it so their actions and decisions make sense within the narrative, so there is not an easier, more rational way of doing something (laziness and having a character do something stupid just to further the plot annoys me, so I avoid it)? Does the character’s profession make the most sense within the story and provide what I need from the plot, or would something else be more exciting and useful? How can I use this character to shed a light into something or show the reader a piece of history that they have never seen before or might not have thought about? How can I express their emotions through their actions and what are their motives? Why are they doing what they are doing? If I am dealing with historical fiction and something does not make sense to me, I have to find out the why – why would they make this choice? What outer thing prompted it? I go looking for answers in unrelated pieces of history, to try and get a big picture focus, because often biographies do not ‘expand out’ and remain too small. Henry VII was “mean” to Katharine of Aragon and did not want to take care of her financially? Why not?? He wasn’t just stingy, what was his rational, logical, Te reason for doing so? I don’t rest until I find it. Then I construct a story so the reader knows his reason exactly and understand it – they may not like or agree with it, but there is no mysterious gap in his motivations. I cannot go on until I know the why and understand where someone is coming from and it puts all else (their actions, the big picture) into focus.

I think through my story both as I am building it (how does this fit together, does this go with the main plot or detract from it, is this character fleshed out enough or could I combine them with another half-formed character and make a more complete personality, would it help me get a sense of them if I changed their name, is their name too similar to another character in a book? if so, which one needs a new and different identity?) and as I am editing it (how can I tighten this? how can I tie up all the loose ends? did I leave anything in that goes nowhere and is a half-finished thought or a plot bunny? are my transitions ones that make sense or did I “Ne leap” into a different conversation or place that would not make sense to a reader or make them go “huh, how did we get here???”).

I am attached to my characters and emotionally involved with them, but it’s more important to me to have their motivations “make sense” (head type) than anything else and I find it hard to let them make emotional decisions. They are either reacting out of instinct or a ‘head’ space. I can see my 6 in how I close all my loopholes and focus on rationality and it making sense, but a lot of 7 in how I want to end on a happy note, balance out anything sad with other scenes of triumph and success, the strong family-first themes that run through all my books, the push-pull characters have, and the themes of outer threats, betrayal, and banding together to face them that haunts their world (6w7). I also want to entertain, so I write fast-moving plots without much introspection (no inner monologues or excessive inner musing) and I think about how to keep each scene interesting and “moving” (would this work better if they were doing archery instead of walking through the garden? can I put them on a boat? what about inserting sword practice here? how do I surprise the reader?).

Most people say I think too much, and it’s true, but the result is a good book. You can also see why I assumed I had Ti back when I thought all it meant was asking constant questions and trying to come up with rational solutions -- I am the queen of “but why??” because it needs to make rational sense to me. I did not realize at the time I was looking for factual explanations, proof, evidence, etc., tert-Te things even as a child. (Give me a theory and back it up!)

#question #mbti #enneagram #ennagram 6 #submission

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pokemon-ninjago-world · 3 years

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Headcanon/Pokéninjago version of Lloyd’s identity crisis during season 5 of Ninjago

Got ab 12 likes on the announcement post so here we are: This is an essay-sorta-thing about something I thought and wrote some six years ago. It’s been so long since I wrote this I feel cringy reading it, but it’s tenable in Pokéninjago lore. It’s kind of a mix between my headcanon for the show, and canon of my AU, which is why there is mentions of “evolving” and Pokémon types.

Things to take into account:

Idk if there should be content warnings, but depression mention at least. Otherwise, this is pretty much as intense as season 5 went, just a little more angsty I suppose.

I must say that my version of Lloyd and his identity crisis were inspired by a certain artist’s version of him and by a comic they made about the Child’s Play episode’s aftermath. I don’t dare name the artist, since they don’t wish to be linked with the Ninjago fandom anymore, but some of you might know who I’m referring to.

I do not know how psychology stuff actually works, all of this was made on grounds of a couple of high school psychology courses and a lot of imagination `:D

I wrote this originally in Finnish and let Word translate it, so this might be v clumsy at points.

Most of the text is under the cut!

~***~

When Lloyd was just a small cub, closer to three years, his mother had left him in his father's care. Misako knew the boy would become the Green Ninja and Garmadon would become the Dark Lord. That is why she went looking for any ancient knowledge to avoid the final confrontation. Although her heart was torn since she had to leave her loved ones, she knew that she couldn’t just sit on her hands, and that perhaps she was the only one that could prevent the decisive battle between good and evil. It was also her wish that the father and the son could spend as much time together as possible. Thus, Lloyd's earliest childhood memories are about his father, and his recollections of his mother are blurry, obscure, and fading away as he grows up, or mixing with other memories.

Dad meant everything to little Lloyd. Although they lived in the same monastery with Lloyd’s uncle as well, whom he also liked, his own father was still the greatest. Garmadon also loved his child deeply and wanted him to have a happy life. Although the poison in his veins was starting to get a hold of him and he was increasingly drawn to the Golden Weapons, his love for Lloyd and the desire to be with him in anticipation of Misako's return kept him away from them for much longer than if the boy had never existed.

When Lloyd "evolved," he lost some important years of his life, during which a youngster usually developes a picture of himself and his changing body. Lloyd's body changed in a single moment and even though his mind also changed to some degree, it was still mostly on the same level as before, since artificial aging did not bring him the years of experience that growing up normally would. From that moment on, he had to form himself a new image of himself. Frankly, he was facing a fierce identity crisis.

After the episode Child's Play, Lloyd adopted an identity whose foundation was flimsy and unstable. It consisted of a few simple pillars that supported his image of himself. Some emotions, thoughts, and memories that he could not, wasn’t able to or didn’t dare to deal with, secretly and slowly gnawed at those pillars like erosion. They grew into doubt that settled into the cracks like rockfoil.

That flimsy foundation for his self-image, consisted of these elements: I am the Green Ninja. I'm the strongest ninja of all. I’m the son of sensei Garmadon. I’m the grandson of The First Spinjitzu Master. I'm one of the Elemental Masters. I'm a student of Sensei Wu. I'm one of the five elemental ninjas. It's my destiny to protect the world from evil.

This made it easy for Morro to destabilize and crush Lloyd’s self-esteem. Morro proved himself to be stronger and more independent than Lloyd, and that he could win him over and over again, no matter how hard Lloyd tried to fight back. Lloyd felt weak and desperate. Two pillars of his self-image collapsed to the ground and the masked emotions and doubts that chipped away at the other columns began to grow and intensify: He was not the strongest ninja and was therefore unable to protect the world from this evil.

This also affected his view of him as the Green Ninja. Although logically he still was just that – the Golden Weapons and his powers had proven it – he could not help but think that maybe Morro really was supposed to be the Chosen One. His identity was cracking, which ate away at his strength and self-esteem. Being a Psychic Type, his greatest strength resided in his psyche, and whenever his mind was in an unstable and vulnerable state, he couldn’t do his best, even if he had used everything he had learned. Losing his father fairly recently had already struck a dangerous notch in his mental stability.

Even though Lloyd was still his father's son, it didn't feel the same when he was no longer with him. Finally, he was only driven forward by his relationship with his other loved ones. He had to do everything he could to stop Morro from harming his friends. By protecting them he was also protecting the last intact remnants of his Self.

Lloyd did everything he could to resist Morro's possession. From time to time a memory of his friends and the will to keep them safe increased his "self-control," weakening the ghost's hold on him. However, a long, grueling time in constant motion, without water and nourishment, poisoned by a cold, vindictive spirit, steadily filled his mind with anguish and despair. Doubts penetrated deep into the tears of his self-image, breaking everything old until he no longer knew who he was. Only with the last bits of his mental strength could he interfere with Morro's possession so that he failed to clear the other ninjas out of his way.

Then, when Morro broke away from Lloyd's body, the Espeon felt like nothing more than an empty, broken shell floating aimlessly in the dark, beachless sea. He was unable to live up to any of the expectations and goals that had been set for him. Now, he was used as a trade-in item in the market of the world’s destiny. He longer had the strength or power to save even his best friends. He was as helpless as a newborn pup and all he could do was to stand by and apologize when he was traded for Realm Crystal.

Somewhere from his past, he dug up one last spark of strength. Already as a child, he had been left alone with unfriendly people, who then had ignited that stubborn flame in him: the desire to fight the cruel, unjust and repressive world. His body still had more strength than his mind, and this momentary burst of grit made him kick the Crystal out of Morro's hand. This, however, caused him to end up in the freezing stream, all his energy used up. There was not much left but a primitive desire to survive and a little strength to keep his head afloat before the cold numbed his muscles.

Lloyd's mind was in shambles. Images, memories, shattered fragments of his adopted identity… they all churned in his tired, blurred consciousness. Unintentionally, he began to go through the feelings of uncertainty, fear and inadequacy that he had denied from himself for years. The present seemed more surreal than the memories. He relived moments that had had a revolutionary impact on his life: When the golden weapons pointed him out as a Green Ninja; when he grew up under the influence of Tomorrow's Tea; when he met his mother and became to know her; when he unleashed the Golden Dragon in the Temple of Light; how he fought the Overlord who was possessing his father; how he harnessed his True Potential; got his father back; lost Zane; reunited his friends again and felt great togetherness with the other Elemental Masters. When he lost his father again. And when Morro possessed him.

Lloyd was lost. If it wasn’t for his friends and their care, he would have sunk deep into depression (and, on the other hand, drowned or, at the very least, died of hypothermia). When Kai carried him out of the FSM’s tomb, it triggered a very clear memory of the day when the Master of Fire had fulfilled his potential and Lloyd had been identified as the Chosen One. That day, Kai had come to save him from an erupting volcano and carried him to safety. Now, Lloyd felt like he was that little scared cub again, who had for a moment thought he was going to burn to the ground in the boiling lava of the volcano. He remembered how Kai's closeness had brought a feeling of immediate security around him. Even though the mountain had raged and wanted to kill them both, Lloyd had known he didn’t have to be afraid. Kai was there. He'd protect Lloyd. There was no reason to fight the fear anymore, he didn't have to pretend like he was tough. He was carried by someone older and stronger, whom to rely on.

The feeling was so intense, the memory so vivid that Lloyd was overwhelmed by an inexplicable, immense grief. The sadness of being forced to give up a carefree childhood so early on, to take on an enormous responsibility and assume a role that seemed too demanding for such a small boy to perform. He had had to grow up way too soon. He started shaking from holding back the tears. He didn’t mind since he thought Kai was probably assuming that he was shivering from the cold. But when Kai said quietly and understandingly: "Shh... It's okay... Don't worry about it," the last wall of pride and fear fell, and Lloyd could no longer repress his weeping.

At this point, he slowly began to build a new identity on the ruins of the wrecked one. He understood that even though he was the Green Ninja, it didn’t make him greater or more important than the others. He had more magical power than anyone else, but he was still only a person just like them. He could hesitate, too, and fail. There was no way for him to do anything more than what he was capable of, mentally, physically, and skill-wise. That’s all there was to offer, and if it wasn't enough, there were others whom he could rely on. Others, who would catch him when he ran out of strength. He wasn't the last link to hold the whole structure together.

These ideas developed slowly in Lloyd's exhausted mind. Slowly, he got stitched back up from the fragments of his previous self-image. This time, however, his new identity was not something that was given to him from the outside, in which he would have had to fit himself, but it was a solid, authentic self-image created as a result of self-reflection. It was still obscure, uncertain and seeking its form, and its growth was overshadowed by fear. But the conversation with his father drove away that last fear. The fear that Morro was supposed to be the Green Ninja instead of Lloyd. His father assured that Lloyd’s qi had no influence on how he should live and act. He should live the way his heart told him to.

In the end, although Morro managed to beat Lloyd one last time, this time he did not break down. He was more intact now, he had more inner strength, and he knew for sure he wouldn't be abandoned. That the fate of the world wasn't really up to him. He may have been part of the story, but after all, he wasn't the protagonist, at least not the only one of them.

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sepublic · 4 years

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Blight Trio AU

So as a bit of an extension of my past meta, speculation, and analyses on Emira and Edric, and their feelings towards Amity… What if they got to Amity first? That is to say, before Odalia and Alador could fully indoctrinate Amity into their toxic abuse and ideas of authority and hierarchy… What if Ed and Em managed to become a better, more prominent influence in Amity’s life? What if a younger Amity chose to listen to her siblings more than her parents, to follow them around, and looked up to them more for guidance?

In the Blight Trio AU, Emira and Edric ended up having way more of an influence on Amity. As a result, she became a troublemaker like them, and instead of just being known as the Blight Twins… They became known as the Blight Kids, that trio of siblings always hanging around together, causing trouble, and being oh-so confident, charming, and too cool for school!

As Amity became more like the Twins as a deliberate defense against their parents’ attempts to separate the kids and put them at each other’s throats, to keep from competing with one another for Odalia and Alador’s meaningless affection… Unsurprisingly, she changed her style of clothes. She ended up dressing like Ed and Em, just as they dressed like one another! She even dyed her hair a green more akin to Emira and Edric, although in this scenario it was more encouraged by her siblings as a sign of solidarity against their parents, and not an outright order forced by Odalia.

(More on that later)

Just as Emira and Edric are inseparable in the original canon, in the Blight Trio AU, Amity is included amongst this! All three Blight kids have shared their deepest, darkest secrets with each other; They do everything together, and are practically capable of finishing each other’s sentences! They also seem like three parts of a whole, which leads to most people referring to the group as a whole –the Blight kids- VS as separate individuals.

Amity’s definitely a lot more open, happier, and confident here. She’s a lot more similar to Emira and Edric, at first glance… That same flippant, mischievous confidence, that willingness to mess around with other people, seemingly too cool for school! Because Amity’s given a better sense of individuality with her older siblings, she’s happier and more open about being a dork, at least when she and the others are alone- Like Edric, when in public, she’s not as open about being a dork. Like the Twins, Amity continues that same façade, although this façade comes across as a lot happier and more confident than the one she has in canon.

And, Amity IS happier and more independent, in a sense! She’s not subject to crippling pressures and expectations by her parents- Or at least, she’s no longer beholden to them. Because Amity is One Of Them, Emira and Edric fully indulge in her interests in The Good Witch Azura, about wanting to be good at magic, and help train her a lot! They use their skills and talent to hone Amity’s understanding, and following in her siblings’ footsteps, Amity enrolls in the Illusion Track!

…Still. While it’s in some ways a lot better than what she has in canon, because Amity fully has the trust and support of her siblings and vice-versa, and is fully integrated amongst the group… As I’ve speculated in the past, there are issues of identity. Not only that, but while Ed and Em try to reassure Amity that she really IS one of them, Amity still has concerns. She knows that she’s younger, and that Emira and Edric are implicity closer with one another, than they are with Amity. It’s only natural- For two whole years, they only had each other! Not to mention they look so similar, too…

And, Amity doesn’t want to get in the way. She doesn’t want to be jealous. But sometimes she’s afraid that her own relationship with her siblings, individually, doesn’t mean as much to them? That if either Emira or Edric had to choose between their other siblings, they’d choose their Twin? It’s a silly thought, surely, and amidst Amity’s darker secrets, this one she doesn’t bring up. It brings shame to her, and it makes her feel like she’s jeopardizing the ‘harmony’ and ‘sync’ of the trio. The fact that she’s noticeably younger and has brown hair more akin to their abusive father, VS her loving siblings, doesn’t help either…

In this situation, Amity’s hair is always, constantly, fully-dyed; Especially with the help of Illusions. Her shade of green is dark and identical to the Twins’. She dresses like them, doesn’t do things without them and vice-versa… And while it seems like the kids are a close, tight-knit and cohesive unit, there’s still issues here or there. Because Emira and Edric influenced Amity so much… They’re a bit less self-aware of whenever they tend to steamroll over what Amity wants for herself, especially since Amity is reluctant about letting them down by trying to be different. She already feels beholden to her older siblings for saving her from their parents, and again, she doesn’t want to jeopardize any unity…

Especially since the Blight Trio, as in canon, only really have each other! They don’t have any actual friends… By a stroke of different decisions leading to different circumstances, Amity never encountered Willow by chance and never became close to her unfortunately. She was too busy doing other things with Emira and Edric…

Making friends also means getting people involved in the Blight drama and abuse, and that’s a very vulnerable thing to do. After all, making connections outside of the family that their parents don’t approve of would mean having to defend them… So the Blight Trio avoids friends, they act like they’re secretly too cool for everyone else, and everybody else agrees and assumes as such! But they’re starved for additional friends. Having the three of them IS great and all… But if they weren’t afraid of hurting anyone else, the Blight Trio would certainly try to form more connections. And, this just contributes to their loneliness, insecurity… To the distance they set others at, pretending to be casual and informal, and while to an extent they ARE…

The Blight Trio could never let anyone in close, because the idea of people intimately knowing them is terrifying. Instead, they keep marching on together… At least, they try to. But as I said, the differences between Amity and the Twins are obvious. Not to mention, Amity is likely at a different grade level… Because no matter how hard she tries in canon, she just can’t move up a grade! It’s rather frustrating to be in different grades than the Twins, it results in the trio separating more often than they’d like- And while Ed and Em are alone together, THEIR bond and closeness increases, while Amity continues to feel more and more distant.

At some point, I imagine she gets desperate, maybe interacts with Augustus Porter from her grade! He’s not on Emira and Edric’s level, but he IS a child prodigy who skipped a few grades… Maybe she could pick up a thing or two, and advance to be in the same classes as the twins! Perhaps Amity starts to become acquainted with Willow through Augustus in THIS particular scenario, although…

Like I said- Amity doesn’t have natural talent, at least not to the same extent as Emira and Edric. And inevitably, she’s going to feel the need to keep up with them, for fear that they’re leaving her behind, that Amity is actually at fault for enforcing a rift between her and the Twins… She works and studies extra hard in the hopes of advancing to their grade, but! Doing so requires time separate from Emira and Edric, because they don’t particularly care for studying or grades. Amity either drops the effort entirely, potentially becoming distant with Augustus and Willow again as she focuses on maintaining her constant presence with the Twins…

Or, Emira and Edric hear what Amity have to say! And there’s a little bit of concern, because… They understand Amity’s concerns, and they know that she wants to be close with them! And they’d hate to leave their little sis behind, neither twin can imagine what it’s like to be on their own. Either with Amity, or just with one another, the Twins consider the possibility of… Maybe deliberately failing and flunking classes, and getting held back? Granted that would look HUMILIATING, and their parents definitely wouldn’t let it pass!

Alas, it’s not an option. Even if brought up to Amity, she wouldn’t let the Twins do so anyway, because she doesn’t want to feel like she’s dragging them down… But at the same time, she’s afraid of Emira and Edric leaving her behind! And Emira and Edric don’t reflect as much as whether or not they’re quashing their sister’s identity, because they’re more focused on how being a close-knit group turned out the best, and Amity is already so eager to be like them. NOT being like the Twins has led to Amity’s personal insecurities after all.

Inevitably, a sense of toxic co-dependency is made. It’s more or less the same between Emira and Edric… But it also happens between the Twins and Amity as well. In Amity’s case, she’s constantly trying to do what she can to be more like her twins, and even existing on their own without any expectations, Emira and Edric unintentionally set an elusive standard for the girl that she simply can’t reach! And it’s exhausting, Amity’s trying to keep up when Emira and Edric aren’t even meaning to outpace her!

And, they try to make room for her in their schedules. But inevitably, circumstances and the reality of the situation force them farther and farther apart. Emira and Edric don’t stop to consider how much they’re hurting Amity, because again, she seems to be most happy around them, and they’re doing better than their parents! Their self-awareness is even less potent in this AU than in canon. Without meaning to, the Twins find themselves sharing little moments and secrets between one another that Amity isn’t privy to, and at some point… They don’t tell her about this, because they don’t want Amity to feel bad.

Not to mention, Amity keeps avoiding making new friends, because like her siblings, she’s under the impression that will somehow ‘ruin’ how close she is to Emira and Edric. It’s a frustrating situation, sometimes the trio is seemingly in-sync, but not always… Amidst Ed and Em having THEIR own differences, too! And when either twin goes to Amity and confides about this in secret, she’s elated, because she has something with THIS sibling that the other one doesn’t! In a way, being a trio helps the Blight kids recognize that not all relationships are meant to be the same…

They learn that inevitably, there are going to be secrets they keep with one person, while excluding from the other. It’s a hard and bitter truth, but they at least manage to cope with it; For each sibling, two connections are better than just the one that Emira and Edric have… And better than the lack of relationships that Amity had, period, prior to meeting Luz! I can see Amity’s presence helping Emira and Edric in a sense… Even if Amity herself also her own issues unique to this AU, perhaps it’s better than being indoctrinated into the self-loathing for herself that Odalia and Alador encouraged in canon.

Still, it really feels like Amity isn’t her own person- And this realization that she can’t function on her own just makes her panic and become more codependent with the Twins, which in turn worsens the original issue to begin with. It’s a self-feeding cycle, but inevitably, the poor girl is going to get frustrated. She’s going to want to do things that Emira and Edric don’t, because she’s always been a nerd who loves to learn… And when Amity tries to ramble about class, Ed and Em shut her down because they’re not interested, and they assume more often than not that she’s like them; So clearly Amity doesn’t care THAT much, and this is just a sign she’s trying to do well in school to keep up with them- Lighten up a little!

And they intend to reassure her… but really, Emira and Edric contribute to a feeling of being left unheard, and not appreciated as her own person for Amity. Amity feels like the things that keep her up at night aren’t being relayed and told, nor listened to… And she keeps insisting that this is because she isn’t close enough to the Twins and so neither can trust the other enough to this degree, as if this desperation to be close wasn’t precisely why Amity was suffering! And, amidst Autistic headcanons and speculation about Amity… And sometimes Amity doesn’t get the joke. Sometimes she feels left behind, or not as clever or confident.

Even if she’s better at it in the Blight Trio AU than in canon, Amity isn’t a perfect talker. Her actual social skills are already stunted as-is, so her façade at being charming and confident has a lot of work to do, in comparison to Ed and Em… That keeps frustrating her, making Amity feels like there’s something wrongwith her.

Worst-case scenario, a bad argument might lead to Amity feeling like she has to be her own person to survive, and completely cut ties with the Twins… Especially if Emira and Edric’s concerns about being co-dependent with one another become apparent. It’d become heartbreaking, that just as Ed and Em fear that they need to cut ties with the other completely to avoid becoming co-dependent, Amity might think she has to separate from her siblings entirely. She sees the existential angst that Emira and Edric have from being so similar, and it conflicts with her desire to be similar to the Twins. Maybe Amity even considers turning to her parentsfor guidance, under the hopes that they can give her more attention, or at least help the girl form an individual identity of her own…

Maybe… Maybe Odalia and Alador WERE right, after all. Maybe setting the kids at each others’ throats was the right action, in the end… And Emira and Edric, eerily, consider this every now and then. It makes them doubt their own judgment, their own rebelliousness… It makes it hard to tell what’s right or wrong, if being obedient would’ve made them happier in the long run! Odalia and Alador of course notice this and eat it all up, they try to take advantage of it. Maybe if one kid turns to them for support, they’ll feel indebted to that support; And they’ll try to live up to whatever expectations the Blight parents set, just to maintain that relationship!

And there is, of course… Luz to consider. Luz the human. Because she’s a lot less elitist and more of a troublemaker thanks to the twins, Amity gets along with her a lot more quickly. And while the Blight Trio is all over Luz, and they utterly LOVE her… Not all of their feelings are the same. Emira and Edric see Luz more as a younger sister than anything else, but Amity… Amity feels romantic.

This becomes apparent to the Blight Trio, and it confuses them. Maybe Emira and Edric should form a romantic interest in Luz, too? But she’s also a bit younger than them, so maybe not… And Amity’s wondering if she should stop this crush, and try to be like her siblings. Unintentionally on any of the kids’ ends, it becomes like a cult; Where trying to form new connections outside of the group feels like a ‘betrayal’. But Amity can’t deny how she feels, and how Luz makes her feel seen as an individual and not part of a greater whole…

Then this adds to Amity wondering if she should’ve been separate from the Twins to begin with… It’s a really confusing mess, and Luz, who is just vibing, tries to help! She’s definitely got a lot to offer the Blight Trio, as does Eda… And those two help a lot. Maybe Emira and Edric feel it’s for Amity’s own good that she starts avoiding them, as they fear having become a bad and toxic influence on her… And while they DID do a thing wrong here or there, it’s not irreparable, and cutting ties completely would do more harm than just setting boundaries. But none of the kids can differentiate between setting personal boundaries and individual identity, VS losing a close bond with somebody else. There’s just not enough experience, and Ed and Em feel that Luz is a better influence for Amity than them, anyway… Maybe one twin is different from the other in that they’d rather keep Amity closer, or don’t want to be left behind, the same way Amity was prior to meeting Luz. This would cause even moreconfusion between the Twins, individually- And likely a lot of conflict.

Amity is of course heart-broken. She tells them that they don’t have to leave her, that she still wants to be with them… But then does she? Because why is she so interested in Luz, doesn’t focusing on this one relationship jeopardize the one she has with her siblings? In the end, Luz helps Amity articulate that she still looks up to the Twins, that they mean the world to her… And she wants them and Luz with her! She doesn’t want to abandon her siblings just to pursue an even closer relationship with Luz, and…

Eda naturally steps in. She makes it clear to these kids, sets it down, that relationships and identity don’t work like that. You can be your own person and still be close with someone… That arguably, one becomes closer with someone because each one is their own individual! There’s a difference between a close bond and co-dependency, and she and Luz can help the Blight Trio navigate this. Amidst Lilith joining in, and having her own insights and experience to offer…

Like canon, it’s painful, awkward, and difficult. It’s a bumpy road that’s incredibly confusing and at times the directions seem contradictory. There’s probably going to be times where Amity and the Twins argue and storm off, go their own path… Before it evolves to all three kids going their separate ways from time to time! But I think in the end, Amity, Emira, and Edric will learn to navigate their lives and head towards recovery, just as they likely are in canon! Ed and Em don’t have to be left behind by Amity; She can bring them along with her into the Owl House! And together, they can all heal… Even as Luz and Eda help teach the Blight kids how to be their own people while still maintain close relationships, AND fend off Odalia and Alador’s abuse!

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house amity #amity blight #the owl house edric #edric blight #the owl house emira #emira blight #the owl house luz #luz noceda #lumity #au #angst

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kaxenart · 2 years

Note

24, 25 HH

24. Where did their name come from? Does it have meaning?

Parzival Géroux - either "pierce the valley" and "spear wolf" or ....spear spear? Ironically, he is not a lancer. lol I picked his name for sound more than for meaning.

Arsene - "manly/virile" A name for a bit of a chad lol

Kadir - "powerful/almighty/capable" ...last one doesn't seem as dramatic.

Vang - "king" or "gold/yellow" Spelling varies since smashing the Roman alphabet at Asian languages is messy and there are multiple systems.

Navet Jardin - "Turnip Garden." Jardin's parents were staunch revolutionaries and thought there were too many Jeans in town or something, so the whole family swapped to vegetable names during the revolution. Jardin was somewhere between 0 and 5 at the time and had no say in the matter.

25. What events changed them as a child?

I'm including teenagerhood because the older I get, the more "goddamn, you're a fuckin' baby" I am about age 16 and below.

The revolution was just a major event in most of their lives.

Arsene was probably the most affected because he super buys into the revolution and is still pretty leftist, though at the moment he views fighting in the army to defend and/or expand the country as more important than dethroning the emperor. The fact the emperor doesn't have an heir makes him think there's a future opening for Democracy 2 This Time Better. Most of how Arsene acts was solidified in his teens. He quit his art apprenticeship. He got into fights with literally anyone (the conservatives for being wrong, the other leftists not being good enough by his estimation, and everyone else trying to explain to him a minor can't properly engage in politics) and this is why he is a strong duelist now. Some Muscadin broke his nose for being obnoxious AF. The fact Arsene hasn't gotten himself killed is something Arsene takes as reason to believe he is very right about everything.

Parzival has a lot of baggage due to the revolution. He was raised fairly religious, but he has since lapsed during the anti-religion push in the revolution, but he still occasionally makes religious gestures and he still feels a somewhat constant background guilt about... literally everything. As a family on the bottom end of rich and not especially politically active, his family mostly avoided being a target for politically-motivated murder, but "if I'm not 'good' enough, someone is going to kill me" is something that kind of ate at the back of his mind. And as the revolution got messier, what option to take got harder to decide on. Parzival does spend a lot of time wondering if he is doing the right thing and agonizing and pingponging wildly between his decisions which is how you get like... on one hand, arson, on the other hand, feeding fifty street urchins every night.

He is a little less of a mess as an adult if only because his living situation is much less chaotic, but it does still kind of bother him from time to time.

Vang got pretty massively disillusioned by life as a child. His father super bought into what missionaries were saying, got called the village idiot, and wrangled the rest of the family into it. After the mission was deemed a failure, Vang's family hitchhiked with the missionaries west.

....then the Revolution happened and the church got ripped to pieces.

Vang has mixed feelings about his father, but he has been living in Valois for too long to really feel like he should go back east and since the revolution brought men from more modest backgrounds to the higher levels of politics, Vang thinks it is better to stay with the mess he knows better which is why he is interested in politics and has a long list of suggestions for the emperor. Vang only cares about practical matters since his father and the church's pie in the sky ideas were a waste of time in his opinion.

On a pettier note, Jardin has a stupid name. Jardin wishes he had a cool story from the Revolution to tell like how Arsene does (oblivious to the fact Arsene is 50% lying), but ideologically, he doesn't give a shit about the Revolution. He got bullied a bit as a kid, which is why is he pretty pugnacious. He also just wants to be a bully himself and is pretty much a giant ass to anyone who isn't another hussar.

Kadir rode out the revolution like any other Tuesday Duodi, as an enfant de troupe, mostly only affected by it because the command changed a bit as some of the upper level aristocratic soldiers decided they were going to leave and sometimes his dad's pay got really inconsistent as the new government's finances were a mess.

His dad was killed in battle and Kadir figured he had all the equipment already (give or take a few holes to patch up), and formally enlisted for full pay as soon as they'd let him. He can't really imagine non-army life.

#handsome hussars #parzival #vang #arsene #kadir #jardin

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comicreliefmorlock · 3 years

Text

A Reader’s Guide to Writing: Lesson #2

I... expect to get shot for this.

-sighs and puts on a helmet- Body shots, fine, but I’m trying to avoid taking a headshot for what I’m about to say.

The Constant Reader... does not give a fuck about flat, cardboard-cutout “representation.” We just don’t. In fact, it’s downright insulting to your Readers to assume that labeling your character “insert woke points here” will automatically endear them to us.

(...god I’m going to get in so much trouble for this...)

When I see a book described as “it has two lesbians in it!” or “these characters are transgender!” my immediate and automatic thought is “...okay, but what is the story about? will I give a fuck about these characters?”

And that, right there, is something that can actually carry a weak plot (to a Reader’s mind) or absolutely drag a good plot into “well, I might as well finish reading it.”

Do I give a fuck about your characters?

Now this does not mean your character has to be Wholly Unproblematic or an Adorable Cinnamon Roll, Too Good, Too Pure for This World.

What it means is “do I respond to your character like they’re fleshed out well enough for my brain to read them as a person?”

For Comparison-- Two Characters:

Here’s an example of what is honestly a really well-written character (in a... very... ugh, look, the pervasive racism makes it terrible to read now and I just kind of wince and groan at it and wince even harder knowing how well it was received) because the character has caused Emotion in a Reader.

Scarlett Fucking O’Hara.

I hate her. I’m not even kidding, I just hate this self-absorbed bitch. She drives me nuts. I’d love to yeet her off a literary cliff and watch her drown.

...but I consider her a well-written character because she inspires emotion. I react to her. I legitimately read a page of “Gone With the Wind” (*again, I know, I’m sorry, the book’s slimy feel of ‘but... slavery was good!’ is just... horrific) and I want to grab the nearest heavy object and slam it onto her empty skull. She has obvious flaws--and they’re explicitly spelled out in the text--and those flaws totally fuck up her life. Scarlett doesn’t get what she wants because she is her own worst enemy in a lot of ways. And watching her make decisions based on what She Wants and then dealing with the aftermath feels legitimate. It feels pretty real to watch someone make a decision based on a want only to see them struggle with the result OF that decision. Not to mention the moment of realization that came too late, as let’s be fair, hindsight is 20/20 and a lot of us have had that ‘Ohhhhhhhhhhh...’ moment ourselves.

What Scarlett has a lot of, however, is Emotion. And I don’t mean she has a lot of emotionally wrenching scenes. What I mean is Scarlett is actively driven by or affected by An Emotion at nearly every part of her story, even when that Emotion is just some self-absorbed Glee at how she’s gonna one-up this whole town.

Let me compare my reactions to Miss “I’m So Self-Absorbed I Should Be Taxonomically Classified As A Sponge” O’Hara to a character that I... honestly couldn’t give less than a fuck about, despite having read six whole books she’s the main protagonist of.

Ayla of “Clan of the Cave Bears” Jean Auel fame.

In the first novel, Ayla is... actually kind of interesting. A Homo Sapien child found by Neanderthals and raised in their society, there’s a bit that can be read into just how hard it is to fit into a culture and how sometimes that involves more self-repression than is mentally healthy. And in the second novel, “Valley of the Horses,” all the parts with Ayla before her Male Perfection Love Interest shows up are also fairly interesting.

She’s alone, she’s fighting to survive with only her hard-earned skills to carry her. It’s great!

And then... Jondalar arrives and we see her through His Eyes.

I’m not sure exactly what happened here other than the novels (and Ayla) turn into a constant Display Of How Amazing Ayla Is. Everyone loves her! (And the people that don’t are Obviously Flawed and So Empty Inside.) She can do anything! She invents the needle! Horseback riding! Domesticating dogs! The travois! She’s drop-dead gorgeous, an accomplished healer, wants only to be a Good Wife (it’s a little icky, but considering the time period these books are set in, I give it a pass on that) and is always so confused as to why people seem amazed by her.

She becomes basically a Perfect Woman and to be honest, all her struggles after that just feel like they’re directly tied to how Perfect She Is. Ayla suddenly doesn’t have An Emotion behind her. She’s just a vessel for everyone’s awe that such a “perfect woman” exists. And it just... turns her completely fuckin’ flat.

What I’ve found after doing a LOT of reading is that a Writer should keep one big thing in mind.

(And this goes triple for stories that tote themselves on the representation platform.)

Emotion--the experience of it, the sharing of it, the looking for validation of it--is one of those defining things that make what we’d call the Human Experience.

People who are looking for representation in media are looking for actual representation. For a Person like them on the screen or page. Maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be a teenager struggling with a realization of sexuality, but you can ask people who do. And you can relate YOURSELF to that on some level.

Everyone in the world has had a moment where they’re trying to reconcile something about themselves with what the world expects or with what they expect from themselves. You can take that seed, that memory of sitting in your bedroom and listening to the same song on repeat while thinking wistful thoughts of what life could be like if This Was Different or imagining a future where What You Want is accessible, acceptable and within reach. You can find the Emotion and appeal to it.

I know that the experience of being gay or disabled or neurodivergent or trans or a minority is not universal; everyone has a different life, different experiences, different fears, worries, hopes, dreams.

And I say this in full awareness that someone could very rightly be angry at me for paring off societal issues and cultural problems to make this accessible to writers who may want to write a specific character FIRST and THEN find sensitivity readers to help them refine it*.

There’s a “but” to the whole “different life” thing.

Humans have felt the basic range of emotion across the board, across the world, across time, regardless of where or when or who they are. And a Character that makes you Feel is a character that you can give a fuck about. Pare off the labels and start with the tinest, most concentrated idea of who this person is so you can find their emotions to use in the story. Are they a dreamer? A fighter? A creator? An explorer? What Emotion drives them? Hope? Curiosity? Anger? Sorrow?

Because I personally have seen myself in characters that I have absolutely no surface experience in common with whatsoever, but I responded to the Emotion that drove them because I recognized it. I’d felt it. Maybe what created the Emotion was different (wildly so!) from what created it for me, but I had the Emotion. The character is having the Emotion.

And that makes me give a fuck about the outcome of their story, whether the personality carrying the Emotion makes me want to cut a bitch (fuck you Scarlett) or see them succeed in every aspect of life.

[*You will want sensitivity readers to refine the character because representation should actually represent and not be A Writer Getting Woke Points.]

#A Reader's Guide to Writing #On Writing #Reading is life #Writing is life

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serum23nm · 3 years

Text

Dream 9/21/2021

...I lived somewhere where they spoke Spanish. Not sure where or when. I looked similar to how I am now, same height, same long hair (but fully black, never dyed). I lived with my aunties and my mom and sisters. They all looked different from my actual family. They were a pale tan. My mother in the dream was much older, with white/grey hair. She was shorter, plumper. My sisters were all about the same height as me, two of them. Long hair, brown, with brown eyes. Did not live with any men. We were in a simple house and the surface of the walls were bumpy. It was basically one big room separated by a wall with a large door shaped opening, rounded at the top. Clothing was plain, but also colorful some days (months/years passed by in the dream).

The dream was pretty much like a life. I was going through the days doing chores, helping my mom and aunties, keeping my siblings safe. Life was disrupted by a foreigner, a male doctor who spoke both Spanish and English. He was tall, paler than my family. He had lighter hair, almost blond, but still brown. He was taller than me by a foot, which was striking since my sisters and I were taller than most men in our community. I don't remember his name, but it was strange to "my" ears, something I couldn't pronounce well. He spoke Spanish to me but the "me" in the dream didn't understand English. I could though, so I knew what he was saying when he didn't want me to hear. That's how I knew I couldn't trust him, that he was a bad person. The "I" in reality informed the "me" in my dream on the decision to reject him.

I don't really want to get into details, but one day, tired of my constant rejections, he came into my family's small clinic. The clinic was very tiny, one room. It was where women who are pregnant come to give birth. There's one small cot and a table where my aunties and mom will help the women through the dire moment. I was the only one in there, cleaning things up. It was very sunny outside, the light streaming through one small window at the side of the building. I felt the moment he stepped inside like cold water down my back.

Anyways, after that day, I lived in fear. My sisters would help me hide from him by warning me when he was seen in the town. I would go to our home and stay with my aunties and my mom. They knew what had happened, but there was nothing we could do. I didn't question that in the dream, but now that I'm awake, I wish I had done something. The "me" in the dream was just trying to avoid remembering what had happened. The knowledge was enough to make me curl up and shake on the floor, but that was useless to everyone. In order to stay sane and still be a help to my family, I just avoided the situation all together.

However, two months later, I realized that I was pregnant. I worked in a clinic for pregnant women, I knew the signs. I also "felt" something, not sure what it was anymore, but the only word that comes to mind is pressure. Pressure in my abdomen. This made my soul even more conflicted. I wanted to get rid of it, but I also wanted to keep it. I think I was of the mind that killing it would be killing a piece of myself, but also I didn't want any memory of that doctor. My mind couldn't reconcile the two needs. So I became ill.

My entire family agreed to keep my condition a secret too, reasoning along the same lines as why they kept my rape secret. It would only bring trouble to us and bring the doctor to our door. We didn't know what to do, in truth, but some of my aunties hoped it would die. My mom wanted it to live. I couldn't decide.

My illness became severe and I wasn't able to move from my bed/pallet, an eventuality that I dreaded. I hated being still or confined to the house. Finally, on a day that's beauty mocked my bed-bound soul, I got up. As soon as I stood, something burst inside me. Blood ran down my legs. I screamed for my sister. She saw me, helped me back on the bed, then ran out of the room. Some of this part of the dream is a blur.

I can't remember how or when, but suddenly there were other women in the room. Strangers. They were nobody I knew, no one from my town. I looked at the opening into the other room and saw my family confined to the other side of our home, kneeling on the floor and praying. In front of them, pacing back and forth, was the doctor. I swear, it felt like my heart stopped in the dream. Like it thumped loudly once, then stopped for too long. He looked over and saw me staring. I breathed in a rush and then screamed at the strange women to not let him touch, not let him near me. One of them came over and patted my head soothingly. She spoke words I couldn't understand. I tried to get up but I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't feel my hands. Only my head moved back and forth. I could feel my chest area, my stomach even, but not my limbs or pelvic region. Panic can't describe what I felt. He came into the room, yelling at the nurse. "I" couldn't understand, but I could. He was asking the nurse to relieve my stress or something like that. He wanted her to calm me somehow. I have no idea what he wanted, but I was determined to escape. I thrashed around but then the lady who had been calming me grabbed my right hand. She leaned over it and stabbed a needle at the corner of the first line close to my fingertip.

This is another part of the dream that's super real. Everything about this sequence of events stood out vividly. She stuck the needle into a small, rubber point against my finger, only the very tip of it. Though I couldn't move my limbs, I felt the prick of it. The needle was long, about the length of my middle finger. A thin plastic tube was attached to the end. I guess the needle was hollow, because blood started to come into the tube. It slowly went down the curling length of the plastic and my eyes were riveted to it. I didn't notice anything else that was happening at that moment. When the blood reached the end of the tube, a drop of it started to form. Before it could fall, a small brown bowl was placed beneath it. The doctor held it. When I met his eyes over the bowl, my panic returned. I thought he was stealing my blood for some kind of curse on me. I turned my head to stare at the women near my legs, preparing to catch my baby. Apparently, the needle trick worked so well I didn't even notice what was happening. I desperately looked past the doctor to my family but they were all still praying loudly in the other room. I tried to move my hand away but the doctor was gripping my wrist and I still couldn't really feel it. He was talking at me. However, my level of panic had reached a point past comprehension. All I could hear was a ringing in my ears.

What finally broke past that high pitch was the cry of a baby.

Time sped back up.

The doctor's face broke into a joyful smile. My limbs filled with fire and I slapped the bowl of blood away. It hit the doctor and distracted him. I sat up as if I hadn't been paralyzed at all and grabbed my baby from the nurse who held him. He was still attached to me.

The dream jumps into hyperdrive.

I am no longer in my house, but I'm holding onto my son and walking quickly down a shaded walkway. It's high noon, the sun is directly above the ceiling. My baby is sleeping, unaware of his surroundings.

Then I'm in a market, my son on my back in a sling contraption. He’s about a year old now. His coloring is after me, dark brown eyes and black hair, for which I am eternally grateful. He’s lighter skinned, but so am I. His name I can’t recall. He is a quiet child and he listens to me. When I tell him to hush, he does. When I need to carry him for long periods of time, he doesn’t fuss. I love him with my entire being and I know I would die for him. But I intend to live long enough to raise him and teach him to defend himself.

Another few years are gone. We are in a church, Catholic I believe. He is a small man, still only 4 or 5, but so wise. He talks intelligently, asks probing questions. I think we have sheltered in this church for the past few years. I am still taught as a bow, no matter what. I am still on the lookout for the doctor. I avoid large towns. I have gone far away from my home, my family, just to keep him safe. When the doctor smiled at my child’s birth, I knew he would have taken him and I never would have seen my baby again. I still lived in fear of that happening...

The dream ends there. Honestly, there were a lot of missing parts, but I can’t remember it all. I have chosen not to remember the rape , but I might end up just typing it all out. It depends. I think it’s crazy how much I dreamed in a single night. It was like living a memory at some points, but other times were too rushed. I wonder if I should turn this into a novel? Or maybe a novella. What do you think?

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shayking · 3 years

Text

Background Noise

Chapter 1: More

“Yeah, I just landed at the airport, are you here?” I looked around at the crowd for a green fatigue uniform with a familiar face but to my dismay, I didn’t find one.

“No, but I’m on my way now. Do you have any money for food?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Good, I’ll call you back in a bit. Go eat.”

“Wait, you’re hanging up? Why?

“I got to call my buddy and make sure he’s okay. He said he would be landing soon too.”

“Uh… okay.”

“‘Kay bye-bye.” Before I could even respond he hung up on me, ending the conversation with a tone. I groaned in annoyance as I stopped in my tracks and glared at my phone. I just wanted to talk, I just wanted attention, I was here for him after all, but I wasn’t going to admit that to him.

I stuffed my phone into my beach bag and made my way to the food court, where I was pestered and hit on by multiple men. I was on vacation visiting my boyfriend who was deployed to Puerto Rico for national guard duties. I would only be here for a little over a week catching the first plane Wednesday morning to return to Wilmington Delaware. So we had plans to make the most of my vacation. Together we chose to go to the beach and enjoy the entire first day off.

I was excited to show off my new bathing suit to him as soon as we got there. I’ve been deprived of some physical attention, so I was eager to pursue a bit of action today, so all of the extra unwanted attention was only annoying me.

Throughout the airport, I walked with my hands in front of me with my fingers intertwined. It was my way of politely saying I’m uninterested. It worked for a while as I ordered food and ate, but apparently, not everyone can take a hint.

You’d figure that at 2 a.m. people would be too tired to mess with you, but no. Here was Mr.Tall, Tan, and Handsome walking up beside me as I made my way to the escalator. I understood Spanish but to avoid any conversation I pretended I didn’t by delaying my reaction and attempting to shoot him a puzzled look.

Attempt being the operative word.

“Hola Mami.” I couldn’t help it, his deep voice commanded my attention immediately. My attention snapped to him. I tried to give immediate eye contact but he was slightly taller than I thought. He stood a full head and shoulders above me so my gaze met his loosened tie first then I dragged it up to meet his beautiful honey brown eyes.

I felt a strange sense of familiarity but I couldn’t quite place it, and I couldn’t focus long enough to care, I was melting in his constant gaze. I tore my attention from his gorgeous eyes up to his messy, wavy, wet hair. I had a deep urge to play with it, brush it back, put it up, run my hands through it, and somehow tame its disheveled appearance. Each breath wafted a light scent of alcohol, a scent I don’t particularly like, but prefer over cigarettes. I continued to scan over him. He was in a suit which made me curious about what he did for a living.

I guess I left him without a response for too long and he chose to try again, after clearing his throat.

“Hey, beautiful.” his voice once again took my breath away as I made the unconscious decision to answer this time.

“H-Hi.” I stuttered, clearing my throat and turning red. He just stared at me and tried to brush the hair out of his eyes. Annoyed, he sighed through his nose and gave up. He then stared at my wrist and seemed to get an idea as the escalator reached the first floor.

“I know you don’t know me but… can I ask a favor… please? I need help with this.” he pointed to his head and then the scrunchie on my wrist.

“I had gone to the bathroom to slick it back with water but it didn’t work for nearly as long as I needed it to.” he smiled shyly looking at the ground. His smile was infectious as I quickly answered.

“Sure.” I had to remind myself that it would be difficult without him taking a seat.

“Need me to kneel?” I couldn’t find a chair for him to sit on.

“Yes please.” Defeated, I went with my last resort which was to make him kneel but I didn’t want him to dirty his suit pants so I quickly folded my black cardigan and placed it on the ground in front of me. I also pointed at it to add emphasis on what I wanted him to do. I watched a crooked and sexy smirk stretch across his face broadcasting his deep dimples as he did so. Licking my lips as I chuckled to myself dismissing thought after thought.

When he finally chose to kneel he made a comment that took me a while to understand.

“Damn girl I don’t even know you that well.” I could hear the smile on his face as I shuffled behind him, his voice was mocking and smooth.

Then it hit me… He was joking about marriage and how I told him to kneel. I just about died when I came to this realization.

“...Wait a minute, no! I was just… I didn’t want… you to ruin your suit pants.” he leaned his back and head on me as he laughed, I could feel his laughter vibrate my rib cage. He then leaned forward and tilted his head back further to make eye contact with me.

“I know love… I was just kidding.” he chuckled a bit more. “You responded so late.”

He once again started to laugh and butterflies attacked my stomach. I continued to try to gather his hair when he spoke again, this time I leaned over his shoulder to make eye contact.

“Thank you. You’re too kind. You will make someone very happy one day, and if you ever choose to have one, I know the child will be beautiful too.”

“I hope so too.” I absent-mindedly responded, my smile was sweet and my look was far away. Refocusing on what I was doing I asked him how he wanted his hair.

“I just want as much of it out of my face and off of my ears as possible.”

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do.” I needed to pull his hair a bit to get at least the top half into the grey scrunchie but when I did he let out a sound.

“Mmn.” He had moaned a bit and he followed the moan with a low growl like he was annoyed with his reaction. I couldn’t help myself, I gripped his hair and pulled back a bit so he could look at me. I had a smug look on my face as I released him and resumed doing his hair. I pulled everything one last time to get as much as I could in the scrunchie. He let out another growl this time I leaned down to his ear.

“Easy there, tiger.” A cocky grin grew across my face as I watched him bite his lip. He grabbed my ankle as I stood up straight again, which made me jump.

“I beg your pardon, This tiger hasn’t eaten yet.”

The inappropriate mental scream for more attention from this man was unholy, But I tried my best to brush it off, Chuckling to myself as I did so.

“Oh yeah? What’s on the menu for tonight?” I asked sarcastically as I finished up his man bun.

“Rabbit.”

My body shivered, I wanted to know what that meant… but somewhere in the back of my mind I already knew.

Walking around to the front of him I examined my work, his mid-length hair was half put up with barely any hair in his face and touching his ears. It wasn’t perfect but it was the best I could do with what I had. I took a half a step forward with the toe of my heels barely touching his knee. I leaned his head up a tiny bit by his chin and began stroking stray hairs back or behind his ears. I peeked down at him only to notice that he had his eyes closed and a small smirk on his face while my dress delicately swiped at his face. He once again took a hold of my ankle only this time I didn’t jump but it did send a weird wave through my body. The weird sensation made me pinch my legs together. I know he noticed this but he didn’t say anything.

“There!” I called, proud of how it came out. He just stared up at me for a moment sweetly smiling. When he finally chose to stand up he did so in a way that his face barely missed my boobs and his lips barely missed mine, he also dragged the hand that was holding my ankle, up my leg to my hips where he paused for a moment then pulled the strand that was holding my bikini bottom up untying the knot.

My brain begged for me to move away, create some distance, but the desire that his touch was feeding didn’t even flinch in fact, it made me step closer.

He dropped my dress and pulled me to him by my waist and once he did a mischievous smile spread across my face.

What Am I Doing!?!?!

He licked his lips and bent down to be face level with me, then he slowly leaned in and growled in my ear.

“Hmm, Thank you.” He then pulled back enough to show me a perfect smile with sharp-looking canines. Of course, it was nothing supernatural but that didn’t stop me from wanting to be bitten. He was giving me all the green lights and I was hesitating.

Because I have a boyfriend.

I love the attention but I wasn’t allowed to have it. I took a few steps back with disappointment clear on both our faces as he allowed me to pull away.

“You’re welcome.” I nervously smoothed my dress and looked around for anyone else who could have seen what happened and found no one. I smiled to myself. I peeked up at him and noticed his loose tie again.

Don’t do it.

I narrowed my eyes at it.

Please don’t do it.

I reached my arms up to his shoulders, pushing my chest up against him so I could reach up higher. But He didn’t back away, he just leaned lower and closed his eyes.

Why? Don’t do this. You don’t know who he is.

I giggled as I removed his tie and pulled it over my head.

“Why are you wearing your tie like that a sneaky woman might steal it from you.” he began to blush and it was adorable, his face dusted pink as he looked away.

“It’s not every day that a beautiful rabbit like you comes by to steal my tie.” I watched as he fought a pout. I was smiling to myself as I posed with the tie and wiggled with it on. I was about to take a seat at the bag return when he caught my wrist and pulled me to him. I shuffled a half of a step closer to him, my body pressed against his. I wasn't opposed to it, but I know it was wrong of me.

Why was it so hard to deny him? Why can’t I tell him to leave me alone like the rest? What’s different? What would Fernando think?

I looked up to meet his gaze and could see the hunger and the millions of questions he was holding back. He kept one hand in his pocket and the other on the small of my back gently keeping me close. I sighed the mixed feeling away.

“What’s your name?” It was a question but the pure desire in his voice made it sound more like a demand.

His tone of voice was awakening things in me that I’m not sure I should allow. I of course answered him.

“Luanne Dion Trainer.” I pushed away from him to keep what little self-control I had left, and he let me go reluctantly.

“Gray Thomson.” His name echoed in my head over and over. I don’t think I was going to forget it any time soon.

“Well, Luanne, do you know where I could find a cute, bratty rabbit?”

Right here! Right here! Me!

“No, sorry.”

“That’s a shame.” We maintained eye contact the entire time, well more like his eyes were holding me captive as a cocky grin grew on his face. This was the first moment where I realized he had a slight stubble. He put his hand on the right side of my neck, his thumb gently coming to rest on my pulse before he spoke.

“This might be rude of me to say but… calm down your heart is beating so fast… and I didn’t even do anything yet.” He bent down to me and peppered the left side of my neck and shoulders with increasingly passionate kisses, which earned a few loud moans. My hands came to grip his suit top, my body once again pressed against his. I couldn’t get myself to let go of him, the pleasure had me in a deep trance.

He stopped kissing me and stood straight up. I struggled to regain my composure and chose to rest my head on his chest until I was able to do so. I released his top and smoothed it down in the process when I successfully got a hold of myself.

I licked my lips and stepped away realizing that I was one well-placed kiss away from losing my mind and self-control. I watched as he stood where I left him completely lost in thought. I watched him retrieve his bag and point to another one on the belt.

“Is that one yours?” I shook my head at him as a woman hastily grabbed the bag he was pointing at and left. I looked at the far conveyor belt and noticed my bag was on it.

“It’s over there.” I took the chance to clear my head and calm down a bit, pausing after I retrieved my bag before coming back over.

Calm down. Just calm down.

He was standing near the sliding doors so I figured he was about to leave. I felt a little sadness well up at the thought but then he turned back to me and joined me at the wall beside the sliding doors. His gaze swept the room and returned to me.

“Wow, it’s kind of empty huh? It feels kind of eerie… kind of lonely.”

That’s why you should keep me company.

I smiled shyly.

“Yeah… lonely.”

“Why are you so…”

Sexy? Mysterious? Hot?

“Distant? Do you have a boyfriend?”

Tell him the truth.

“Yes.”

“At least you’re honest. Well, tell him that I found a rabbit and I’m going to have her, whether he hands her over, or I have to steal her from him.”

“What?” My attention snapped to his eyes to see if he was joking, but his gaze was unwavering. A part of me shriveled up at the thought of being stolen from Fernando.

There is no way he would let this Gray guy steal me right?

But at the same time as soon as he laid claim to me I could feel something clawing at me, like hunger. It’s been a while since Fernando desired me the way Gray was desiring me… but if life has taught me anything, it taught me that love, at first sight, is all but a myth. Gray wants something but what? Could his intentions be so shallow? Is he only interested in my appearance, my body?

Fernando Has been so busy lately… almost like he doesn’t have time for me but it would be unfair to judge his love off of that, he’s away from home so often with volunteering and the National guard.

I don’t know what to do… or what I want to happen.

“I want you. You’re mine now. You say you have a boyfriend? Well, guess what, I'm going to be your new boyfriend you’re welcome. Don’t worry, I’m not always an asshole.”

I wanted that… to be wanted, to get attention, I wanted to be desired not just kept around because I’m pretty, I wanted everything Gray was offering but not from him. I’m fine with being close to Gray as a friend… I mean aside from being handsy he seems like a pretty genuine guy, kind and sweet.

“Gray I-” My phone began to ring obnoxiously while the bright blue screen read Babe. I looked up at Gray who had a look of annoyance on his face before he looked away from me choosing to burn holes in the carpet for a second. I looked back at my phone to answer it but before I could, Gray cupped my face in his hands, pushed me up against the wall, and placed a kiss on my lips. Each second that passed the kiss got more angry and needy, he kissed me until my phone rang out. When it did he bit my lower lip earning a small moan from me.

“I want you to be mine… Please.”

No this is bad, this is wrong.

“No… I can’t.” I politely pushed Gray away from me. He cupped my cheek as my phone started ringing. My body stood frozen as my mind followed his hand as each finger left a wake of goosebumps. His hand trailed down my cheek to my throat where it remained as his thumb stroked my speeding pulse. He shone a mischievous grin.

“Answer the phone.” The order was growled into my ear successfully making me melt. I just nodded.

“Hello?”

“Yeah, I'm outside. Come on.” I felt Gray tense and then relaxed when he heard Fernando’s voice. When I peeked at him I caught a glimpse of a toothy smile before he leaned in and whispered ‘good girl’ into my ear.

“Uh, okay I’m coming… I mean I’ll be out.”

“Oh! Hey, my buddy is gonna be riding with us so be nice heh heh.”

I looked at Gray who pulled away to look at me expectantly.

“O-Okay.” Gray smiled and stepped away while I hung up.

“Give me your phone. Please?” He took a while to put his number in but when he finally handed it back I had a new contact under the name:

Gray (Daddy)

Rolling my eyes I deleted what was in the parentheses and typed random guy.

“Don’t worry love, I'll take care of you.” After he said this his phone began to ring so I used this opportunity to leave the building. I looked down at myself one last time and noticed I still had his tie on so I quickly pulled it off, folded it neatly, and pushed it deep into my bag.

I hurried out when I finished and quickly shuffled to the car. Fernando got out of the car and opened the trunk. Quickly pulling out his phone and typing something before even bothering to help or greet me. When he finished he shoved his phone into his pocket and helped me shove my suitcase in the back and cupped my face, placing a rushed soft kiss on my lips.

“How was your trip baby?” he stared at me sweetly as he waited for my answer.

“It-” I was interrupted by a familiar deep voice.

Oh shit!

“It was great, thanks for asking…” Fernando awkwardly dropped all contact with me which confused me greatly. I turned to face the voice and saw exactly who I was hoping it wasn’t.

“This is one friendly ass reunion now, isn’t it? Do I get one of those?” Fernando moved to shake Gray’s hand but was ignored. Gray simply walked past him and stuffed his suitcase in the back of the car making Fernando clear his throat awkwardly.

What is he doing here? Does Fernando know him? If so, why is he acting so weird?

“Ludo this is Gray, Gray this is Ludo.” Gray charmingly smiled and stuck his hand out, which I left hanging for a few seconds. Which Fernando softly elbowed me for.

“Ludo, he doesn’t bite.”

“Don’t lie to her,” he turned his attention back to me, his hand still out. “Yes, I do.”

I reluctantly took his hand and he winked at me which made my face burn. Fernando didn’t see it because he turned to close the trunk.

What is he up to?

“Hey, Nando? She looks familiar.” My heart dropped to my stomach. Fernando slammed the trunk and turned to face him as he responded.

“Yeah, dude I sent you a picture. Remember?”

Wait so he already knew who I was?

“She’s not a redhead Fernando.” My eyebrows furrowed as I glanced at Fernando, he clearly wasn’t ready for that response and started panicking.

Redhead?

“No. No. No. The other picture.” Gray smiled cockily like he cornered Fernando, but I was still lost.

“Oh! So she’s the FRIEND you’ve told me so much about.”

FRIEND? What the fuck is going on here?

“No… I’m his girlfriend, you must have confused me with someone else.” Gray’s mischievous smile returned as he looked at me.

“Did you dye your hair before you came? What was wrong with red?” I narrowed my eyes. I felt like I was getting toyed with. I looked at Fernando, annoyance clear on my face as I stared at him expecting an answer but got none.

“Clearly everyone’s not on the same page. We can work on that later heh heh. In the meantime let’s get going, shall we?” he sounded nervous but I rolled my eyes and stormed into the front passenger seat of his beat-up dark green Toyota, slamming the door behind me. The pair stayed behind the car, and I watched through the rearview mirror. It looked like Fernando was angrily whispering at Gray and Gray just rolled his eyes, pulled out his phone, showed him the screen, and whispered back. Whatever he said shocked Fernando, then he returned his phone to his pocket and got in the passenger seat behind Fernando without so much as another word. Distracted, Fernando got into the car and started driving. I turned on the air conditioner and turned up the music.

“Hey, bro don't you normally wear a tie? What? Did you lose it?”

“Hm? Oh! No. someone stole it.”

“Heh heh heh was she pretty?”

“Sexy smile, body, and personality.” I looked out the window as my face burned in response.

I’m going to die.

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sciencespies · 3 years

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This Molecule Could Be the Key to Understanding Why Concussions Have Such Long-Term Effects

https://sciencespies.com/nature/this-molecule-could-be-the-key-to-understanding-why-concussions-have-such-long-term-effects/

This Molecule Could Be the Key to Understanding Why Concussions Have Such Long-Term Effects

Denver Bronco player David Bruton grabs his head on the field after a reported concussion. Many patients with such head injuries suffer symptoms months after their diagnosis, even though their brains look healthy on CT scans. Doug Pensinger / Getty Images

Imagine you fall down the stairs in your house and bang your head. Or perhaps you hit your noggin during a car accident. Or maybe you are football player who has just taken yet another blow to the head. You are diagnosed with a mild or a severe concussion, and you end up in a hospital and even an ICU.

Eventually your injury heals weeks later, or so it seems, because your CT scans look clear, and you go on with your life. But in a few years, strange things start to happen. Bright lights and loud noises begin to bother you. You have trouble sleeping. You can’t concentrate, can’t keep up with your daily routine and your work performance plummets. That’s because deep within your brain, in the areas where the imaging technology can’t see, that old injury never healed. Instead, it became a chronic inflammatory process that will eventually damage your brain tissues, explains a study published this month in Science.

According to a 2018 study in the Journal of Neurosurgery, about 69 million individuals around the world suffer from traumatic brain injury every year. Geoffrey T. Manley, a trauma neurosurgeon at San Francisco General Hospital and professor of neurosurgery at the University of California San Francisco who wasn’t involved in the study, sees patients every week who seem to recover, only to suffer from debilitating symptoms later that develop as a consequence of the initial injury. Over time, this slow-brewing process can trigger cognitive impairments, sleep disturbances from abnormal neuron firing and even epileptic spikes—short “electrical explosions” that don’t happen in healthy people. Manley says this process is very prominent in brain injury patients and is severely disabling. The inability to have a normal, healthy sleep is particularly detrimental. “Sleep disorders affect all aspects of your life,” he says.

Neuroscientists had known for years that brain injuries can linger, but the underlying molecular mechanisms weren’t fully clear. They don’t have any therapies to stop these secondary injuries from occurring. “I have no treatment for traumatic brain injury other than symptomatic relief, or medication for seizures once patients develop them,” Manley says. However, epilepsy drugs often have such profound side effects that people don’t want to take them. “So we are really, really desperate for anything,” he says.

Now, the new study sheds some light into the brain areas where CT scans can’t see and where the inflammatory process takes hold. Led by Jeanne Paz, who studies neurological diseases at Gladstone Institutes, the study identifies that a specific molecule, named C1q, is present in certain brain areas at unusually high levels for months after the initial trauma. The study also describes the team’s efforts—so far only done in mice—to show that a drug prevents the inflammation from setting in.

Most brain traumas affect the cerebral cortex, which sits right underneath the skull, absorbing the impact. But Paz’s team found that the ill effects can propagate to the thalamus—a small area located near the brain’s center responsible for processing sensory input. The constant communication between the thalamus and the cerebral cortex is what enables us to make intelligent decisions—the thalamus processes the input and the cortex decides what to do. For example, if you’re talking on the phone and your toddler suddenly lets out a loud scream, you know you must stop the conversation and attend to the child. The thalamus processes the sounds from the conversation and the toddler, the cortex decides what’s important.

As part of the study, scientists examined human brain tissues obtained from autopsies of patients who ultimately died from their head trauma. The team found that the C1q molecules were present in the diseased patients’ thalamus for over a week after they were originally hurt. “We were surprised to see such high levels of this molecule in the brain region that wasn’t even affected by the initial injury,” says Paz. “Our hypothesis is—it’s because the thalamus is very closely connected to the cortex and the two constantly talk to each other.” This constant talk and coordination generates a certain rhythmic activity in the brain that is important for attention, consciousness and sleep. So when the cerebral cortex is hurt, the communication between the two is disrupted, and some neurons within the thalamus die. As a result, the brain’s cellular cleanup crew shows up.

Called microglia, these cleanup cells remove damaged neurons and fight infections. To do this, they release the C1q molecules, which, overall, play a very important role in brain health. C1q trims synapses—the points of junction between neurons—to avoid having too many of the connectors. C1q promotes brain development and helps humans forget memories, which is necessary for storing new memories. When things go as normal, C1q trims synapses as it should. When injuries happen and neurons die, C1q helps clean them, but instead of stopping, it continues to trim what it shouldn’t trim anymore. “So C1q can be both good and bad,” Paz says.

Normally, in the adult person’s thalamus, no C1q is present, she says. Researchers believe that in some cases, the microglia cells just keep releasing the molecule within the thalamus, making the process chronic. “We wanted to know what makes the process chronic and how we can interrupt it,” Paz says. So her team tried treating brain-injured mice with a potential therapeutic, shortly after the trauma and before long-term symptoms appear.

Paz worked with collaborators at Annexon Biosciences, a pharmaceutical company that is developing and testing an antibody therapeutic that can block the activity of the C1q molecule. The antibody was initially designed to treat Guillain-Barré Syndrome, which is also linked to the aberrant activity of overzealous C1q. Paz wanted to see if the drug would have beneficial effects in brain injury cases in mice.

The team treated brain-injured mice with antibody cocktails within 24 hours after injury and then did twice-weekly treatments for three weeks. That brought down the amount of the C1q molecule and prevented chronic inflammation and the loss of neurons in the critters’ thalamus. It also prevented the development of the epileptic spikes and restored their sleep. But when the researchers studied how mice genetically engineered to not have the C1q molecule dealt with trauma, their initial brain injury was much worse—they suffered much greater neuronal death in the cerebral cortex, where the blow struck. So ultimately, the C1q indeed lived up to its “good and bad” reputation.

The C1q molecule shouldn’t be blocked at the time of injury, because it seems to protect the brain and prevent cell death, Paz explains. But blocking the C1q shortly after the initial injury may reduce inflammation.

Manley describes the study as an important milestone in the brain trauma treatment paradigm. “It demonstrated that after the initial injury to the cortex, there is the secondary injury to the thalamus—you can see pathology evolving,” says Manley. But what’s really promising, he adds, is that an antibody drug can help remediate that secondary injury. Antibodies are drugs that do exactly what their name suggests—they work against the body’s proteins or molecules that have somehow gone rogue and are now causing harm rather than performing normal functions. Designed to bind to rogue molecules and disable them, antibodies have revolutionized how medics treat many diseases—neurological, autoimmune, cancer and most recently, Covid-19.

So far the C1q antibody has been tried only in mice, which means it is still at least a few years away from arriving to the brain trauma wards. The therapeutic would have to be tested in human trials and approved by the FDA first. But this is an important step in right direction, Manley says, because the currently available meds can’t prevent the injury from progressing. “So when I see a paper that not only explains the mechanism that generates the pathology I see in my patients every day, but says that here is a monoclonal antibody that apparently suppresses this pathology, I find it very exciting,” Manley says. “We need better ways to treat people.”

Biology

Brain

Health

Medicine

Mice

#Nature

#09-2021 Science News #2021 Science News #acts of science #Earth Environment #earth science #Environment and Nature #Nature Science #News Science Spies #Our Nature #planetary science #Science #Science Channel #science documentary #Science News #Science Spies #Science Spies News #Space Physics & Nature #Space Science #Nature

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jtsfavslut · 4 years

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Stages [6/6]

Description: In which a girl goes through six stages to realize and accept the fact that her marriage is going downhill.

Stage Three: Acceptance

Description: Just when Yeimy accepts her life the way it is, she gets unexpected news.

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2k+

Acceptance (n.): a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition

Two and a half months. Two months and fifteen days and you were feeling free.

You had taken a week off of work, by simply completing all your work a week before.

You sat down by yourself at the beach and had a mental conversation with yourself.

It took you two months and fifteen days to accept the reality that you and Grayson were no longer together.

The reality that you were alone, at least for now.

You haven't talked to Karina or Ethan, or any else you knew since the day you left Grayson’s office.

They had called you, visited you but you declined every call and pretended you weren’t home until they finally gave up, leaving you a letter.

A letter telling you that they respected your decision of not wanting to have contact with anyone or anything. Letting you know that they loved you and that they were always ready to listen.

Not wanting to be that selfish, you sent Karina a text telling her how sorry you were for your actions, but that you needed some time.

Time away from everyone and everything.

And that was it.

The main reason was that Ethan reminded you of him in many ways, since they were twins, obviously.

The other main reason is that you wanted to close that chapter in your life once and for all, and you did.

And finally, you came in terms with the fact that this was now your life.

Going to work early in the morning, surviving the entire day with just a coffee and a bagel or croissant, then going home to cook a sad little meal for yourself and go to bed.

You would sometimes go to the beach, straight after work, blasting your oh so depressing indie music.

You were fine until one day you were listening to Tame Impala, and your mind went straight to the thought of him.

That being because you two bonded over your love for Tame Impala. You pulled up to work one day while blasting the Inner Speaker, the sounds of ‘Solitude Is Bliss’ caused Grayson to come up to you and asked if you listened to them on the regular.

FLASHBACK:

“I do, I literally play them every day,” you smiled walking next to him to the building’s door.

“Me too, they’re just so good,” he replied with a smile on his face, holding the door open for you, causing a light red tint to spread across your foundation covered cheeks.

“Thanks” you whispered and he nodded his head with a smile.

“Hey, maybe we can listen to them together after work?” he awkwardly asked once you were in the elevator for a few seconds, just you and him.

“I would love too, I actually know a place,” you replied with a shy smile as his eyes looked at you, begging you to say yes.

“Cool, umm I’ll wait for you at the parking lot, and then umm we can grab a bite or something,” he shyly replied, his blushing state making you smile and feel slightly better about blushing.

“Yeah, I’ll be inside your office all day anyways, sorting through papers,” you replied, mentally slapping yourself for being so shy. But then again, it was your third week in the internship and you were already flirting with your boss, who was infarct just a couple of years older than you.

“Right, there’s not that much to do today Marie, that’s your name, right? Please tell me it is?” he said as the elevator’s doors opened causing you to giggle as you both walked out.

“Lol, yeah it’s my middle name, my first name is Yeimy,” you replied and he let out a relieved sigh.

“Thank God, I thought I already messed up,” he joked while laughing.

“Nope, not yet Mr.Dolan,” you replied, following inside the office and taking a seat at your desk that was in the corner.

“Please call me Grayson, that makes me feel old,” he said and you sent him a confused look. “I’m only 21. Why do I look old?” he asked, making you laugh.

“No, no, no” you quickly let out. “You just seem mature and you’re built more grown like,” you said explaining how he had a grown man's body, you only realized what you’d said when you saw the smirk on his face.

“Oh god no, that sounds so inappropriate, I’m sorry,” you quickly apologized while he laughed.

“Marie, nowhere in the contract that you signed did it say it was wrong for us to flirt, and may I saw, you have a mature body too,” he replied with a cocky smirk and you blushed. You spent the rest of the day avoiding eye contact. Grayson made you feel nervous, yet giddy, it was a weird feeling. You liked it but you thought it was wrong, and boy was you in for a ride.

End of Flashback.

You quickly changed the song before you got yourself even deeper into your memories.

Yeah, you accepted the fact that everything between you and him was done for, but you also accepted the fact that you’ll never love anyone else like him.

Grayson was the love of your life.

Grayson was your person.

And you thought that when people said ‘right person, wrong time’ it was just a lie, but it was true.

Grayson was, and will always be your person, but the timing was wrong, unfortunately.

But that was what had happened in your life for the past two months, nothing.

You just worked, ate, workout watched Netflix, and slept. As Well as the usual night drives and constant visits to the beach.

In need of a physical for work, you had set up an appointment for 10 in the morning, and by 9 o’clock you were already dressed in some mom jeans and a cropped tee with some simple white air forces and out the door and on your way to the doctor’s office.

You dreaded going to the Doctors, not because you were scared, but because of the wait.

Once they called you in, you got up with a sigh and followed the lady inside the room, where she took your vitals, checked your height and weight, and gave you a cup to pee in, which you quickly did because you knew this was coming and held it on all the way till here.

“Hi, Yeimy, I’m Dr.Kelly, we’re gonna start with a few questions. Is that ok?” Your doctor asked after she walked inside the room after knocking a few times.

You nodded your head in response letting out a low ‘yeah’

“Ok, I know these are awkward but we have to ask everyone these, ok?” she said and started talking before you could even respond.

“Have you smoked any marijuana, or consumed any products with it?” she asked and you shook your head saying no.

“Smoked cigarettes?” she asked and you shook your head with disgust causing her to laugh.

“Never,” you replied and she let out a ‘good’ checking it off the list.

“Do you drink alcohol?” she asked.

“Nope,” you replied and she crossed that off the list.

“Last one. Have you had any unprotected sex within the last three months?” she asked looking up from her paper as you stayed quiet for a few seconds.

“Yeah,” you sighed. Recalling the last time you had fucked anyone was when you found out Grayson was cheating on after he had done just about everything to you.

“Any pregnancy symptoms? Just know we’ll do a test with your urine to make sure, and if it were to come positive we’ll send you to the Ob/Gyn’s office and help you with everything you need,” she said with a reassuring smile after she noticed your mood swift from calm to nervous and stiff.

“Ok, yeah thanks,” you softly whispered out with a smile.

“Ok sweetie, you seemed just about fine, vitals are good, your weight is good, height seems a little short for your age but other than that everything is good,” she said getting up from her chair as you chuckled at the height part.

“I’ll be right back, with your results. And everything will be alright, there are always options,” she said trying to make you feel better before she left.

Which didn’t work at all?

What if you were pregnant? You knew abortion wasn’t the answer for you, but what would you do.

You knew you were going to keep it, throwing adoption out of the window,

The only concern was regarding Grayson.

If you are pregnant, are you going to tell him? Or are you gonna raise the child all by yourself?

What would be his reaction? I mean for the love of God, you were just starting to get over the man...sort off.

You didn’t even know if you were or weren’t pregnant and you were already overthinking everything, and being alone in a small, white and quiet room wasn’t helping. Not even a bit.

You pushed them to the back of your mind, trying to think of something else even though they still lingered around.

The doctor was gone for five minutes, but those five minutes seemed like five hours due to your nervous state.

“Congrats Yeimy, you’re pregnant. You’re about three months, and two weeks, we’re not exactly sure, but the Ob/Gyn can tell you that once we set up an appointment,” she said, your ears only hearing the pregnant part.

It was at that exact moment that your life had changed, for the second time this year.

But in your mind, it was something somewhat positive.

Positive in the aspect that you had wanted kids all your life, so this was making you happy, and knowing you weren’t going to be alone.

But negative because you were going to have to raise a child all by yourself, you had the money, the housing, and everything a child needed to grow up.

The only thing you didn’t have to provide was a father.

It was wrong. Wrong on so many levels. And selfish too, but as you sat in your kitchen for almost two hours, thinking and trying to come up with a solution.

You decided you weren’t going to tell him. At least not yet. You and him were done for, and you didn’t want to bring him back into your life.

You couldn’t. You just got over him and accepted the fact that you had gotten divorced.

And you kept it to yourself. It was easy, after getting a divorce from Grayson, all the spotlight you had was take away too, which you were grateful for. You deleted every social media, and you were back to your previous social status, somehow.

Now you were just a writer for Vogue who dated a celebrity and now doesn’t, which helped you hide the pregnancy away from everyone.

The only thing you care about now is your baby.

That was it.

So you started eating healthier, stressing less and getting a good night sleep every night.

You had also told your boss, who you had a good work-relationship with. She always listened to you and you did to her.

She was so happy when you told her, and told you how she was going to spoil him or her, and how she was going to let you work from home since she knew you had nobody.

You loved her, she was like the mom you never had, since she was old enough to be your mom, but had the mentally to understand people your age.

Knowing that took a large amount of stress off your shoulder, since you knew that when the baby was born, you would have all the time and everything you’ll need to raise him or her properly.

Because from that day on, all you had and still have is your baby, a tiny little bean inside your uterus that you don’t even know the gender of.

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