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starr-fall-knight-rise · 3 years

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HASO, “Can We Keep It.”

Sorry about the extended break. Hope you guys like this :)

First officer the Omen Lieutenant Simon waited at the entrance to the cargo bay watching the flaring red light blink continually before the airlock doors. A tone came with it loud and blaring repeatedly crawling its way into her head and making the space behind her eyes throb. She rubbed her head desperate or the sound to stop by knowing she just needed to wait it out. Her family had always wondered why she chose a job that was so stressful, and so full of annoying and bothersome noises, but she wanted this and was willing to go through all manner of annoyances to make that dream come true.

If annoying noises were the worst thing about her job, then she should feel lucky.

The airlock door hissed open and the group of GA scientists and their accompanying human escort hurried into the cargo bay before the door shut behind them.

She saluted to the Admiral who hurried onto the deck, “Sir, everything went well I trust.”

Her question was suddenly cut off when she noticed…. Something off.

Simon had never been all that great at reading people, she had trouble distinguishing tonal variation in people’s voices, and sometimes body language flew itself right over her head like a UFO, but this was obvious enough even SHE was able to pick it out.

“Did you gain weight?” She immediately chided herself for being so blunt. She had learned pretty early on that people didn’t like that sort of bluntness, but she had already stepped face first into it.

Admiral vir straightened himself out and quite obviously pulled his coat over his stomach, which was bulging quite obviously, “Bloating is a bitch, I tell you those space berries are really something.”

“You are EATING random space plants!”

HE shuffled his feet, “Well not eating thm per say, anyway gas, you know that sort of thing. SHould probably head back to my quarters before I bother anyone with my issues.”

He went to walk past her and as he did, she thought he saw his coat twitch right above his stomach.

“What the Fuck was that.”

“Spasms, nothing to worry about.”

“Nothing to worry about! Admiral I should call Dr. Krill down right away.”

“NO NO! No need for that, I can walk just fine. Look, I will swing by the infirmary in a minute and get myself checked out, feeling totally fine. Nothing to see here.”

Simon went to open her mouth but he hurried past her and away, “Lord look at the time, so busy have so many things to do, paperwork, and and meetings and, and gotta call my mom before she freaks out and assumes I have died. Yep.”

Apparently she wasn’t the only one who thought he was acting weird, and she watched him go as the rest of the crew did the same, their heads cocked to the side, their mouths pulled down into a frown. NO one was really sure what was going on, and no one was really sure what they were supposed to do about it.

Simon turned her head to look over at the scientists who looked just as confused, although their leader looked somewhat annoyed about something.

He looked up at her wit an expression even SHE could tell was one of annoyance.

“Next time, we will not be allowing him on our expedition.”

She frowned, “Why is that?”

“Touching everything with his bare hands, marching through the bushes disturbing he wildlife, touching strange creatures, honestly he has no sense of scientific decorum, and if that planet had been even the slightest bit more dangerous, we might all be dead.”

“I will, have a talk with him.”

“Do what you must.” The little creature said, “I need to go lay down.”

He and his scientists walked off, some to the labs and others to do as their boss was doing. Simon was left standing rather confused and staring after them as they went.

She shook her head.

Sometimes she wondered how the Admiral had ever even become an Admiral, but she guessed clearly someone had thought he was qualified.

***

Adam Vir hurried down the hall desperately trying to keep unnoticed until finally shouldering open the door to his room and allowing it to hiss shut behind him. Then finally he leaned his back against the door and sat there as something writhed and churned against his skin. He felt it slither up the front of his chest before Jeffery snaked his way from the top of his jacket and out into open air. He opened his three segmented mouth, likely tasting the air kind of like a snake as he did Before turning his head to look around at the dark room.

Adam patted Jeffrey on the hed, “See, home sweet home.”

The snake-like alien slithered most of the way out of his jacket and went to curl around his upper arm and torso resting his head on top of Adam’s as he showed the creature around the room.

“This is where I sleep, and that over there.” he pointed “Is my dog waffles.”

In the time they had stepped into the room, and Jeffreyhad shown himself, the German Shepherd and poked her nose out from around the side of the bed eying Jeffery with some measure of concern.

Jeffery opened his mouth in her direction and Waffles scooted back just slightly looking to Adam with an expression of confusion and concern. She clearly wasn’t sure that she liked this at all.

Jeffery stretched close to her, his mouth still open holding himself up with great powerful muscles, likely more powerful than your average snake, which was saying something considering earth had plenty of constrictor species that could crush a man to death if they sochos.

Adam held out an encouraging hand, “It’s ok girl, its ok, he isn’t going to hurt you.”

Granted, he hadn’t actually thought this through, and if it didn’t go well, i was going to make his life a lot more difficult than he had originally intended.

He Knelt down on the floor and held out a hand to Waffles, who, as the good girl she was gave him her trust and moved forward, her nose twitching in the direction of the strange alien.

Waffles had spent a good portion of her life around aliens, so she was used to coming into contact with new and strange creatures. Where other dogs might have barked, growled, or even attacked, she approached with cautious footsteps her head cocked curiously to the side.

Jeffrey, for his part, didn’t seem worried at all, and stretched forward to get a better look at the strange creature he could now sense before him. He closed his mouth after a bit and looked her over with his large green and yellow eye. She stretched her neck forward sniffing at him curiously. Tentatively she took one step forward and then another until she was sniffing the head of the space snake directly.

Her tail came up from where it had been hidden in between her legs and slowly began to wag back and forth.

She took another step forward and tentatively licked at the snake.

Jeffery reared back slightly surprised causing the dog to shrink back a little. For a moment he worried it was going to devolve into a fight, but then Jeffery lowered himself back down and allowed Waffles to lick him some more. He slithered from around Adam’s soldiers an onto the floor in a tight coil.

Waffles dropped her front half and stuck her butt in the air tail wagging playfully batting at the snake with one of her paws.

Jeffery reared up a little an playfully lunged at her.

Adam grinned. It was a lot like watching a cat and a dog fight and he sat back on the edge of his bed to watch the two of them play.

Waffles Lay down with Jeffrey in between her paws, mouth open tilting her head back and forth as if threatening to bite him, though he knew she never would. She played with him like that all the time and had never hurt him in the past.

It Was probably at that precise moment that Adam realized…. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do. It’s not like there were regulations against stealing animals from unknown planets, though there probably should have been. He knew that what he had done was probably illegal in some way or another, though he hadn’t read the manual in long enough to figure that out. He knew for sure that Simon and krill were going to be pissed, and probably Sunny. They would likely turn the ship around and make him take Jeffery back home, but the thought of dumping him off in the forest and then just leaving left a huge pit in Adam’s stomach.

He had already proven once that he wasn’t going to be able to leave Jeffery behind.

After bonding for the day, he had honestly intended to set jeffery back into the wild. He had even gone down to the nearest berry tree and set him down offering him some of the berries to eat in his cupped hand before turning away and walking off, but then he heard jeffery behind him, and turned around to find the snake following him, looking for all the world like he was sad to see his friend go.

Adam had tried to explain himself as much to make himself feel better as to explain the situation to jeffery, but he just couldn’t do it. Jeffery had looked so forlorn and sad, like he understood what was going on.

Then he had crawled over and wrapped himself around Adam’s leg looking up at him with a big sad eye.

Adam was a weak man.

He knew it

Puppy eyes, or in this case, snake eye worked on him just a little too well, and he was unable to leave the creature where it should.

At any time, if jeffery had shown a hint of agitation, he would totally have gone back, but he had curled up under Adam’s shirt and rested there through the whole flight like it was nothing, and now here he was taking his new environment and friends in stride.

Adam sighed and rested his head in his hands.

Great, he had gone and adopted yet another alien.

He hadn’t done it in so long that it was bound to happen again, but he really had not intended for it to happen this time. This time it had been completely by accident.

Just then there was a knock at the door.

He nearly fell off the bed in shock and concern as he hurried over to the door. Waffles and Jeffrey had stopped playing as they curiously looked over towards him. He cracked the door halfway glancing out into the hall with a face of concern.

Adam was both surprised and nervous to see Ramirez standing there.

Behind him Jeffery slithered over looking ready to poke his head around the door to see who was knocking.

Adam tried to block him with his foot as he peered through the door.

“Sorry bro, really busy right now gotta go.”

Ramirez frowned and reached out a hand to block the door, “Dude, serious? Like you were acting weird just a few minutes ago and Krill sent me up here to make sure you were okay.”

Adam gave a stiff smile as he attempted very hard to keep Jeffery back from the door, “Oh yeah, I am totally ok. Very cool, completely and utterly ok, no problems at all.” Jeffery, who had got annoyed at his attempt to block the door, now began to slither up his leg.

Ramirez frowned, “Are you sure you are ok?”

“Yeah Fine/”

He tried to Grab Jeffery but he slithered through, and around the doorway opening his mouth to smell the newcomer.

Naturally Ramirez freaked out almost immediately, “What the FU_” He reached down for his handgun, but before he could Adam lunged forward, grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled them both back into his room allowing the door to slam behind him.

He pinned Ramirez to the floor as the other man struggled, “What te HELL!”

He claimed a hand over the other Man’s mouth, “Shut Up! Shut UP.”

Ramirez went quiet breathing hard as Adam Sat over him, a hand pressed to his mouth. Jeffer peered out from around his shoulder.

“Don’t scream, and I will take my hand away. Gt that?”

Ramirez nodded, and Adam pulled his hand back.

“What the hell is that!” Ramirez hissed

“This is Jeffery.”

“Jeffery?”

“Yeah…. I may have…. Rescued him from an alien planet.”

“Dude are you kidding me, for a second I thought you were being mind controlled or possessed by some sort of alien brain sucker.” He looked up at Jeffrey and waved a hand, “Waddup.”

Jeffery opened his mouth again.

Ramirez pulled back a bit, “W-what’s it doing.”

Adam waved a hand, “Oh, I think that is just the way he smells people or something.”

He rolled off to the ide to allow Ramirez to sit up,and reaching out jeffery let Ramirez pat him on the head, “So cool,” he glanced over at Adam, “You know Simon and krill are going to be PISSED.”

He sighed, “I know, I know, but you should have seen the way he looked at me when I tried to leave. I couldn’t handle it….. I am a weak man.”

Ramirez shook his head, “Well now what…. Do you even know what it eats”

Adam paused, opened his mouth and then closed it, “Well I know he eats berries?”

“And did you bring any of those berries?”

“Well I uh…. May have forgotten in the moment.”

Ramirez paused, “Wait here for a second.” Adam watched him as he got up and left the room.

***

The rest of the crew would be very confused to watch Ramirez walk into the mess hall, int the walk in refrigerator and then appropriate a tub of strawberries, some raspberries, blueberries and blackberries before walking back out of the room without saying anything to anyone. He would get some very strange looks as he walked up the stairs towards the captain’s quarters and then vanish walking back into the room and setting the berries down on the floor.

The two of them sat cross legged across from each other and attempted to figure out what exactly it was that Jeffrey liked.

Adam still had no idea how he was going to hide this.

Jeffery was too curious for his own good , and someone was bound to find out eventually

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em0avacado · 3 years

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They say

( Coco Cruz x Reader )

a/n : this is how i cope, don’t mind me, i’m just breaking my own heart.

trigger warnings : none i don’t think? except heart break, sadness. ends happy tho. i think. maybe.

word count : 2.4k

They say that, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be, if it doesn’t? well you just couldn’t accept that. You’d poured every ounce of yourself into him, you’d told him all your fears, all your pet peeves, all your insecurities, because you trusted him. You’d accepted all his weird quirks, all the strange habits he had that you looked past, youd accepted him for who he was, as you do when you love someone as much as you loved him. You supported him, mentally and physically, from up close and from far away. You encouraged him, reminded him of little things he easily forgot, you told him every day how proud you were of him, how loved and appreciated he was.

He used to do the same for you, used to. But at some point, he began holding back, he stopped doing things he started doing to win you over. You used to have a list of pet names hed call you when he babied you, now it was just ‘baby’ if he was in a good mood, or [Y/N]. You noticed it as soon as it started, you noticed everything. You knew he was stressed so you didn’t want to push it, but you also know that “stressed” was a norm for Coco, so you couldn’t wrap your head around it entirely. He started coming home later, crashing on the couch in hopes of “not disturbing your sleep.” it sounded like an excuse to you, and it hurt. it really fucking hurt you.

At some point, you’d had enough of your boyfriend distancing himself like that, ignoring your feelings, ditching you when you needed him, you couldn’t live that way, you wouldn’t. So, when he came home, you’d waited up for him, sitting at the small kitchen table you both used to enjoy your breakfast on every Sunday, now it stood empty, with nothing but a stack of newspapers from the passing weeks piled on it. With a bit of liquid courage crashing against the rocks of ice as you swirled the brown liquid around in the cup, your eyes felt red with fire, and your cheeks were stained with few dried tears that rolled down your face as your mind came up with the worst possible results you could imagine, all to which, came true. With a jingle of his keys in the lock, you straightened your posture, looking at him.

“What’re you doing up?” he asked her, that same vacant look on his face.

“I wanted to talk”

“it can wait till morning.”

“it really can’t.” with that, she was met with utter annoyance, and an obnoxious scoff that made her blood boil.

“go on then.”

“you’ve distanced yourself, so hard. I barely see you. We don’t sleep in the same bed, I can’t remember the last time you touched me, hell, even looked at me like you used to. What’d I do?” that was your go to, blaming yourself. It’s how you dealt with the unexplained.

“Get off my ass, [Y/N].” He dismissed you, you watched as he pulled off his kutte, and settled into the couch. You kept your eyes on him, murder on your mind. God he irritated you, you wanted to take his neck between your hands and wring it. Maybe that’d breathe some sense into him, if you deprived him of oxygen a little. But you didn’t need another felony charge, you inhaled deeply, balling your fists, the sting of your nails digging into the palm of your hand bringing you back from picturing all the ways you’d brutally murder him, out of love, of course.

If you loved someone... you’d refrain from strangling them, you turned from the spot you stood, and headed into the bedroom. You did the breathing exercises your therapist had taught you, but they worked only slightly. You grabbed a duffel bag, and started shoving clothing into it, as much as you could, you pushed all the belongings you’d need the next few days, and zipped it up. Pulling on a hoodie, you tossed the bag over your shoulder, and headed out. You walked passed him without a word, when you went to grab your car keys, you did the only petty thing you’d let yourself, trying to be the better person, you hid every single key to everything you had, knowing how easily he lost keys, you’d help him, in your own favour, however.

You left, and you didn’t look back. You couldn’t. The mere thought of Coco made you tear up, and it didn’t help that every tiny thing made you think about the lost love that still caused your chest to feel like it was about to concave. This wasn’t natural, you hadn’t felt like this, you were the queen of bottling up emotions, and ignoring them so you didn’t feel the pain of anything. But as you lived and breathed, everything reminded you of him.

You were in the middle of a girls lunch date, it’d been weeks since your seen your girlfriends since you’ve been trying to isolate yourself trying to get over this man, in the midst of drinking mimosas on the balcony of one of those entirely too fancy restaurants, you were laughing at highschool memories of your best friend who would start fights in the halls because she was bored, it was then, when a roar of motorcycles sped past where you were sitting, and it threw you into a whirl wind of emotions.

“make sure you hold on tight, mamas. Wouldnt want you to fall off.” the smirk heard in Coco’s voice sent a chill down your spine, being too intimidated by any sort of physical contact, usually, you usually ease yourself into it, but with Coco? It was brash and sudden, he started the bike, and gave you maybe a millisecond to grab a hold on him.

A little squeal forced its way out of your mouth as you quickly grabbed onto him, gripping onto your own hands, clinging to him. You buried your face in his shoulder. You felt him chuckle, and wanted to knock him out right then and there, but perhaps that wasn’t the best idea. It took you a moment, but once you opened your eyes, and watched as buildings, cars, people, hills and piles of dirt passed you by, trees whipping by. You felt yourself calm, you felt at peace. The wind flipped through your locks of hair, his scent filling your senses.

“This isn’t that bad.” you heard yourself admit in a soft mumble, you shut your eyes and felt the wind attack your face, balancing your inner battles with yourself. You felt peace in Coco, he tamed your chaos, and you his. God, what you’d give to feel like this all the time, but you only felt it with him.

You felt your throat burn, your bottom lip lodged itself between your teeth, and you did your best to fight the rage that tinged your eyes with tears. Your friends saw this, noticing immediately, the emotion that washed over your face, paling your features and dimming a smile that brought them laughter that lasted for days. You’d always been the group clown, with the loudest laugh, the brightest smiles, you were the one they’d all turn to when they couldn’t hold themselves up. You were a force to be reckoned with, you fought their battles when they couldn’t even hold themselves up. You never failed to show up with booze and ice cream to heal broken hearts. You brought things that made you think of friends, you remembered the finest details and came through every time. You listened to the quietest ones, heard every story, laughed at the lamest jokes. Seeing you with tears streaming involuntarily down your face as you tried to hide it, wiping them as fast as they came, it broke their collective hearts. They looked at one another, an unspoken question “how do you skip to the part of the storm that sprouts the flowers when the rain stops?”

Your relationship with sleep was toxic, it came and went as it pleased, your eyes were sunken, it was three A.M. and you felt your thoughts running through your mind a million miles a minute. Your head in your hands as another memory floated to the surface.

Panic overwhelmed you, hearing something, or someone, rustling around the kitchen, you grabbed the gun you kept tucked under your mattress. You cocked it, and took the safety off, holding it out in front of you in a defensive position. You opened your creaking door, the noise working at your nerves as you creeped into the kitchen where the only thing that illuminated the dark room was the bulb from the old white fridge. You watched silently as the head ducked from inside the fridge, you found it peculiar, but all you saw was a figure in your home you didn’t know. Getting closer, you held the barrel of the gun to the head of the man that stood in your kitchen.

“Hands up, Foo. Before I blow your brains all over my backsplash.” You threatened, your voice tense, and you were met with laughter that was all too familiar. Furrowing your brows, you were still panicked, not thinking straight. You shifted the gun so the bullet that was about to fly, only ripped through his hair. The shot rang loud, causing Coco, who you didn’t know was Coco, to crash to the ground.

“Crazy bitch!” he shouted, you flicked on the light, still having the gun pointed at him. Your eyes widened quickly, the man on your floor was Coco, and now there was a bullet lodged into your ceiling. You could kiss your security deposit goodbye, fuck, and you just shot at Coco. You put the safety back on, and set it on your counter before going to help him. A few minutes passed before both of you sat in fits of laughter, him mocking your voice, your words.

Coco told you so many times that the night you nearly shot him in the head, was the night he fell for you entirely. Sure, he’d known you were the one way before that. That night, though, he knew he was in love with you. That night he swore he’d break past your barriers, he’d demolish how you saw yourself, he taught you to love you, he made you promises to show you love like no other, and to show you that you didn’t have to be afraid of either physical and emotional aspects of love. He did do exactly that, but then ripped it away from her. Leaving her heart with him, and her chest feeling heavy with nothing. Once again tears were brought to your eyes, you were thankful for his love, but without it? you wished you’d never had experienced it in the first place. Maybe you wouldn’t be hurting now.

You were brought out of your train of thought by the knocking on your door, furrowing your brows, you got up from your spot on the counter, where you were thinking of better times, you looked through the peephole and it felt like someone took a vacuum to your weak lungs. Coco. Struggling to breathe proper, you just intended on ignoring him, it was the first time in months youd seen him and you didn’t know if you could handle it. Your heart screamed at you to let him in, he looked beat up, tired, and one of his eyes was bandaged up, he looked broken. you wanted to embrace him, forget the distance, but your mind scolded you, reminding you of the progress youd made, bouncing back from the pain oh so slowly. This could set it all back. So you decided, you wouldn’t open the door. He’s a big boy. You silently turn on your heel, away from the door.

“I’m sorry.” you heard him rasp, and you froze in your spot, a deer caught in headlights. You couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. “I know you’re there, I know you’re awake and I know you know it’s me. You have your kitchen light on, so I saw you stand on your toes to look through the peephole because you’re too short.” you cursed his observant ways, how well he knew you, like he had quirk notes tattooed on the back of his hand and read them like a bible. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice when you left, that I was too deep in my own world to see how me fading away for my own selfish needs was hurting you. I’m sorry I made it seem like I didn’t care, that it hurt you, I’m sorry that I made promises and broke them. I started thinking about things I never knew I wanted until you marched your stubborn self in my life and gave me a taste of a love that changed me. It scared the fuck out of me.”

That familiar burn of emotion lit up your head, and singed your chest. You let his words sink in, you couldn’t speak, not yet. Squeezing shut your eyes, you turned back to the door, setting your hand on the knob. You felt the door shift, like he’d gotten up from leaning his head against the poorly tinted wood. He got it, you could feel him prepare to walk away. If you love something, let it go. But Coco came back. He came back. You unlocked it, and turned the knob. Looking at him through sore eyes. “Running when you’re scared isn’t an option for me.” you said, defeat obvious in your voice. He stopped, turned to you and closed in quick. You pushed his hands away. “You can’t - You can’t just show me, tell me, and hold it to me that i shouldn’t shut you out, and i should trust you, and i should turn to you before anyone and anything else only to turn around and do that to me. You can’t do that and come running back.” you practically yelled at him, your voice shaking and raw.

“I know, I know I’m sorry.” he said, his hands dropping to his sides when you reached forward and yanked him in with all your might. The gesture was aggressive, sure. But pure.

“i’m sorry too.” you muttered, embracing him tightly.

—

tag list :

@queenbeered

@mayans-sauce

#coco x reader #coco cruz #mayans fanfic #mayans mc #fanfic #richard cabral

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brelione · 4 years

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Secret (Rafe X Reader)

Warnings:Literal fucking trash.Please dont torture youself by reading this :)

Can you do 3 from the prompt list with Rafe please where their parents basically forbid their relationship for whatever reason and forced them to break up even though they were good for one another and Rafe was slowly becoming a better person?

Rafe always knew he should keep his relationship with you secret.He knew that it was something too precious and too lovely to let anyone else know.He knew that his father wasnt accepting of people like you.Pogues.You were a pogue,you lived on The Cut and worked two jobs just to stay on your feet.

He didnt know he could love a pogue or anyone as much as he loved you.He couldnt really recall exactly what got you two together,it had been the work of fate.You were out for a surf while he was out for a smoke and your worlds just collided.He had seen you wipe out,only to come up to the surface a few feet away from him.You pulled your board from the water,standing up and smearing the blood from your leg.

“That had to have hurt.”He commented.You shrugged,walking to your towel that laid on the sand,pressing it to the wound.He had somehow ended up sitting next to you,sharing his joint to ‘help with the pain’.That one night led to him sneaking out of his house to meet you at the beach where you taught him to surf,meeting him in the mornings to show him baby crabs.

One of his favorite things about you was how you carried a pencil pouch of pens everywhere you went,drawing all over your arms and legs.Eventually you had convinced him to let you draw on him,drawing a giraffe on his wrist.He had fallen in love with it and with you.Every Time you saw him and the doodle had faded he’d ask you to redo it.It was just a reminder of your love.It was nice until his father decided to call him out on it.

“Did you realy get a fucking tattoo?”He had walked into the garage as Rafe was lifting weights,seeing the sharpie doodle. “No.”Rafe answered,putting down the weights and grabbing his towel to wipe the sweat from his forehead.Ward seemed unconvinced,a grumpy expression on his face. “What is it then?”He asked.Rfe hesitated before answering,knowing what would come next. “A drawing.”He answered.

“You cant draw shit.Who drew it?”he asked.Rafe sighed,pulling on a tshirt. “A friend.”He answered. “What friend?”Ward pushed,being a stubborn bitch as always. “You dont know her.”Rafe answered,attempting to walk past Ward when the mans hand wrapped around his wrist,strong enough to cut off his circulation. “Her?Who,Rafe?GIve me names.”Ward spoke,his voice seeming threatening. “No.”Rafe answered,flinching when Ward’s gripped tightened.

“Why?What are you hiding?”Ward asked.Rafe let out a shaky breath,looking away from his father and contemplating whether or not to tell him the truth. “Her….her name is (Y/N).”Rafe answered,cringing at his words.Ward let go only a little,still holding tight but not so tight that his hand was purple.Rafe could feel his blood beginning to circulate again,his fingers no longer feeling cold.

“(Y/N)?(Y/N) who?What’s her last name?”Ward asked.Rafe gulped,his heart thumping in his chest. “(Y/L/N).You dont know her.”Rafe answered,tugging his arm away and going inside the house,Ward close on his heels. “I know enough about her to know that shes trouble.I know that she ripped up one of my nets,stay away from her.Shes broke trash.”Ward spoke,voice dripping in hatred.

Rafe turned around,fury evident on his face. “She ripped up one of your nets cause you were killing fucking dolphins-shes a fucking sweetheart and she works for every single penny shes ever fucking made.”He was close to yelling,unaware of Sarah sitting on the couch and watching the fight.Ward scoffed. “Oh,please.She’s using you for my money and you’re too ignorant to see it.”Ward rolled his eyes.

“She hasnt used a single dollar of mine!She’s never asked for money or anything you fucking asshole!She loves me for me,not for your money you selfish bastard!”Rafe shouted,his face becoming red.Ward seemed shock,not thinking abour it before his palm colided with the side of his sons face.Sarah let out a loud gasp,Rafe’s eyes widening before he ran outside and got in his truck,immediately speeding out and going to your house.

You were still asleep when Rafe came through your door,tears in his eyes.His face softened when he saw your sleeping figure on the couch,an old disney movie playing on your tv.

He kneeled down in front of you,watching as your eyes opened. “Rafe?”You asked.A smile came across his face,leaning down to kiss your forehead.You grumbled,sitting up. “What time is it?”You asked.He shrugged,kissing your lips gently. “What’s up with you?You seem sad.”You pouted,holding his t shirt and pulling him so hed sit next to you. “Im fine.”He answered,knowing he was screwed when your tongue scraped against your teeth.

Thats how he knew that you could pretty much read his mind. “You’re upset about something and your arm is bruised.Did you get into a fight?”You asked,shifting so you were straddling him and he had no other option but to look at you. “I got into a fight with my dad,its fine though.”He answered,moving up slightly to kiss you but you backed out. “Rafe,did he hurt you?”You asked.

He sighed,his hands trailing under your oversized t shirt-his t shirt-to rub circles on the warm skin. “Yeah,yeah he did.”He admitted,watching the way your jaw dropped slightly.You wrapped your arms around him,his head tucking under your chin as tears started to roll down his cheeks. “Rafe,baby,what was the fight about?”You asked.He gulped,a salty tear falling into his mouth.

“I-I told him about you and he got mad and-and I called him a bastard so he slapped me.”He let out a sob,his grip on you tightening.You huffed,twirling his hair in your fingers. “So this was my fault?”You asked.He shook his head,still holding you close to him. “No,of course not.Its his fault.”He answered.He cupped your face,kissing you lightly. “Can I stay here for a while?”He asked.

Most of the day was spent with him cuddling with you,holding you close and placing kisses all over you.You both fell asleep on your couch,waking up to loud pounding on your door.Rafe placed an arm over you,telling you to stay put.His heart was beating loudly,his hand shaking.The color drained from his face when he saw Ward at the door.It was too late to turn around,the older man had already seen him. “Get out here and come home.”The man demanded.You came out to the kitchen,a frown on your face.Rafe cursed when he saw you,telling you to go back into the living room.

“I’ll see you later today,okay?”He asked before walking out the door,Wrd immediately grabbing onto his arm.You were too shocked to do anything,standing there speechless.You had tried calling and texting him but they wouldnt send.He had blocked you.You tried messaging Sarah through instagram but that didnt work either.

You didnt even know what to do,resorting to crying on your couch.You found Rafe’s keys on your kitchen table a few days later,getting into his truck and driving to his house in the middle of the night.You had been quiet as possible,climbing up the side of his house and onto his balcony because of course he had a balcony.You could never understand why it was there or what it was for but you were thankful that it was here now.

You could see him on his bed,his back turned away from you.You knocked on the door,seeing it was locked.You could see him tense up,standing up and smiling wide when he saw you.He ran across the room,tapping on the glass. “He locked it,I dont have the key.”He told you,his voice quiet because of the glass separating you.You sighed,tapping along the glass before you got an idea,taking his truck keys and attempting to push them into the key hole of the door.

It was no luck and at this point you could see the desperation on Rafe’s face.You pulled off the keychain,twisting at the circle so one of the sides would stick out.His eyebrows furrowed,biting his lip anxiously as you twisted the metal in the keyhole,trying to get the door to open.You heard a click,he let out a small gasp before practically ripping the door open,pulling you too him. “He shut down my phone and locked me in here.”He spoke softly,his hands tight around you.

When you were about to suggest that he come with you his bedroom door unlocked,Ward staring at the two of you with pure anger on his face. “Get out of my house before I call the cops.”He spoke to you,his hand around his phone.Rafe shook his head,holding you tighter. “Dad-you cant keep me locked in here forever.”Rafe answered,feeling the way your hands were shaking around him. “You broke into my house and youre manipulating and abusing my son.Not only that but you vandalized and destroyed my property,you’re lucky I havent gotten you thrown into prison yet.”Ward’s eyes stayed on you.

Rafe scoffed,letting go of you and approaching his father. “Shes manipulative and abusive?Look at you!You slapped me and you’ve locked me in my room!”He shouted,probably waking up his sisters.Ward’s eyes widened. “Its for your own good!She’ll use you and then break you!”Ward exclaimed. “What?”Like mom did to you?”Rafe yelled,his fists clenching.

That had been nearly five months ago.A lot had changed since then.You had grown as a person,becoming friends with JJ,Pope,Kiara and John.B.Rafe had gone back to the way he was before he met you,a drug addict who doubled as a fucking bitch.You still missed him though,hoping that he was at least doing better since the last time you saw him.The Pogues couldnt believe that you had once been in a relationship with him no matter how hard you tried to convince them that he was different with you.They didnt believe you of course,they knew Rafe,not Rafe Alexander Cameron.

You had started to forget about him,the feelings he made you feel and all the memories you had with the boy.Then you saw him at the beach and everything just came back.The feelings,the memories,the feeling in your stomach.He glanced in your direction,eyes widening as he did a double take.He literally ran to you,a confused expression on his face. “(Y/N)-fuck,shit.Dad told me that he got you in prison-what the fuck?”He hugged you,spinning you around.

“Oh,wow.Nice to know you still think of me.”You giggled,looking up at the tall boy.He smiled. “All the time.”He answered,squeezing your waist. “So how have you been?I havent seen you in like...ten years.”You grinned.He shrugged,biting his lip. “You know,the same old.I tried to remember your number,dad took my old phone and gave me a whole new number.What are you doing?”He asked,looking around the beach. “Um...you know,vibing.”You shrugged.He nodded,sitting down in the sand with you,his hand holding yours. “I um….I made some new friends.”You spoke quietly,not knowing what his reaction would be.He grinned,licking his lips.

“Yeah?Does that mean you’re crushing on one of them?”He asked.You shook your head,rubbing circles on his hand. “No,its a nice change in things though I guess.I missed you.”You mumbled.He smiled,leaning forward and kissing you gently. “I missed you too,you still love me?”He asked,making you smile. “Always.”You answered,kissing the tip of his nose. “It sucks that we gotta start the whole secret relationship thing again.I wont fuck it up this time,though.I promise.”You rested your head in the crook of his neck as he spoke,kissing his collarbone lightly.

@sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @outerbongs

@sunwardsss @meaganjm @httpstarkey @copper-boom

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x you #rafe fanfiction #rafe x y/n #rafe x you #drew starkey #outerbanks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks rafe

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

Text

Discord pt 99

[Date: 20/03, 06:01 AM GMT - 20/03, 07:15 AM GMT]

[CW for minor/background character death, transphobia mention]

[Read Fetch's recent asks for context]

Little-K1ng: “hey guys im home!! is fetch here yet?? how did everything go??

...haha are you guys even still awake :)”

Maxwell: “yeah

uh”

god/dreaming crying: “im awake”

Maxwell: “shit went down....again....”

Little-K1ng: “oh of course, hope it wasnt too bad

are you guys at least okay?”

Maxwell: “so...fetch isnt coming tonight...”

Little-K1ng: “...oh

uh!! well!!! just another day to make sure... make sure everythings right for him coming back”

Maxwell: “his headache got worse”

Little-K1ng: “oh no poor thing :(”

Maxwell: “and i think he got really bad sensory overload”

Little-K1ng: “oh no !!!!!

did you have him do his anxiety exercise?”

Maxwell: “so he hid in the bathroom when....knight starting talking through the blog to us”

Little-K1ng: “oh dear”

Maxwell: “he was upset that fetch kept "barking"

cause he was upset and in pain”

Little-K1ng: “huh... internal arguing? thats interesting

"upset and in pain" wonder how that happened knight”

Maxwell: “we all tried to help him but he just kept getting madder and madder until...

he got pissed at knight”

Little-K1ng: “did he yell at you?”

Maxwell: “and wanted to scare him somehow to get him to be quiet i guess”

Little-K1ng: “oh? thats weird”

Maxwell: “we thought maybe he'd say something but then someone knocked on the bathroom door apparentally”

Little-K1ng: “you're shaking, max, do you want a hug?”

Maxwell: “ah....maybe in a bit”

Little-K1ng: “im sure it was scary watching fetch get angry like that :(”

Maxwell: “he....he said the person opened the door and there wasnt anything on the blog from fetch or knight for a couple minutes”

Little-K1ng: “.....”

Maxwell: “till fetch answered an ask asking if they were alright....he said it was warm

he...said there was a lot of red”

Little-K1ng: “..........uh.... i...

....i ....... dont follow”

Maxwell: “lawerence is gone now”

Little-K1ng: “what.?

crown-”

Maxwell: “one of the gas station employees

it wasnt crown”

Little-K1ng: “it....

i....

you...

??? im”

Maxwell: “fetch....he...ripped his throat out (gore warning)”

Little-K1ng: “..............................................................................................i....................

i dont........

............i dont know..................... what to say.. to that”

Maxwell: “he didnt realize what he was doing”

Little-K1ng: “i dont think he did”

Maxwell: “when he did he panicked and started crying

its why he didnt come home

he...thought I was scared of him...”

Little-K1ng: “thats...

fuck”

Maxwell: “i wasnt...but he didnt believe me”

Little-K1ng: “of course he wouldnt, max

do you know where he is now?”

Maxwell: “knight was still there and he was being kind of condescending”

Little-K1ng: “i have to go get him whether he likes it or not, he must be terrified”

Maxwell: “i dont know...im assuming he left the gas station but I dont know where”

Little-K1ng: “fuckkkk”

Maxwell: “last i heard from him

i...called him my brother....and he said he wanted to come back but knight wouldnt let him”

Little-K1ng: “oh max....

....thats........ thats really sweet”

Maxwell: “.....i wasnt lying....”

Little-K1ng: “i dont think you were, max

i know he wants to come back. im gonna go get him first chance i see where he is

i wont hurt him, i wont force him, but knowing he wants to come home is the only confirmation i need

i just-..... fuck, dude........

he really.... fucking killed someone”

Maxwell: “yeah...I guess none of us really expected that to happen”

Little-K1ng: “just like that....”

Maxwell: “he hasnt been in the best state of mind though

I know I haven't....”

Little-K1ng: “not to cool motive still murder at him but, running around drenched in blood as a hybrid in this type of neighborhood isnt. exactly a good look. and not too many folks are gonna take "i was upset" as an answer”

Maxwell: “yeah...i wish i knew where he was...”

Little-K1ng: “i should- i should wake up marcus-... does marcus know?”

Maxwell: “no though im surprised marcus didnt wake up when i started crying

i...cried a lot when he said he was scared to come home”

Little-K1ng: “oh max..... that hug is still on the table?”

Maxwell: “yes please”

Little-K1ng: “uwu;;”

Maxwell: “thanks mona...”

Little-K1ng: “anytime

!! and i mean that”

Maxwell: “i know you do, ha

now how to we wake the shithead....”

Little-K1ng: “ah, cold water

maybe sit on him

dip his hand in warm water prank?”

Maxwell: “jump on his stomach”

Little-K1ng: “something light hearted

and sibling-like ;)))”

Maxwell: “we could slap em”

Little-K1ng: “forgive me if im in like, way too good a mood. just coping with shock i guess”

Maxwell: “nah its fair...”

Little-K1ng: “hard to believe its real, ill try to contact his blog again

damn, that ask i sent without actually checking mustve been uh, Not The Vibe”

Maxwell: “....im gonna hit marcus with a pillow”

Little-K1ng: “yes please”

Maxwell: “not really he answered it saying he was sorry

WAKE UP BITCH!”

Marcus: “ow”

Maxwell: “we need to talk”

Marcus: “dude

what the fuuuck”

Maxwell: “important talk time

wake up”

Marcus: “Is fetch here?”

Maxwell: “so, fetch aint coming home tonight...”

Marcus: “What’s going on?”

Little-K1ng: “hey marcus...

im.... home....”

Marcus: “.....hi

..whats going on?”

Maxwell: “he left the gas station after knight started trying to take control with as we know suffocates him and he got bad sensory overload and then he--”

Little-K1ng: “max, do you want to keep going?”

Marcus: “Why do I feel like I’m in trouble you both look....off”

Little-K1ng: “you dont have to”

Maxwell: “no no im good just one second please....”

Little-K1ng: “take a few breaths, its alright”

Marcus: “.........”

Little-K1ng: “ive got you, ill hold you dont worry”

Maxwell: “Okay....fetch...killed one of the employees...Lawrence”

Marcus: “.....he...

...”

Little-K1ng: “im so sorry marcus...”

Maxwell: “he wasnt himself...he was talking through his blog to us as himself but knight was too....”

Little-K1ng: “ill give you a bit to process... the shock hasnt actually worn off for me yet..”

Marcus: “....fetch

...w..hy?”

Maxwell: “he kept switching back and forth between the too and lawrence came into the bathroom when he was pissed and fetch wanted to get knight to shut up...

so he tried to scare knight....not realizing hed gone too far...”

Marcus: “........”

Maxwell: “when he snapped out of it he had no memory of what hed just done and he was panicking and...crying....”

Marcus: “...I don’t... I don’t like this

Please tell me this is a joke”

Maxwell: “he said he didnt wanna come back home because he thought I was scared of him...”

Marcus: “Please pleasepleasepleaseplease”

Little-K1ng: “im checking his blog right now...... and uh.....

yeah no.. its not a joke

its a fucking horrorshow”

Marcus: “no no nonononononononono”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, do you want a hug also? or do you not want touched”

Marcus: “stop please stop stopstop”

Little-K1ng: “its a lot to take in...”

Maxwell: “i tried to get him to come home....i called him my brother....”

Little-K1ng: “im having so much trouble convincing myself its real”

Maxwell: “but...knight wouldnt let him”

Marcus: “no it’s not it’s not it’s not it didn’t happen nonononono”

Little-K1ng: “i havent even. caught up to the part where im supposed to be upset or angry. i just. i just want him home and safe and warm where i can see him i just..”

Maxwell: “he had control over the two of them...but fetch got control bacck and left but I dont know where im sorry”

Marcus: “it didn’t no nonono”

Little-K1ng: “i-..im going to sit down next to you marcus, but dont worry, i wont invade your space im just worried i might faint”

Marcus: “nothing happened everything’s okayokayokay it’s okay it’s fine everything’s fine”

Little-K1ng: “thats alright marcus, its okay. denial is okay for a while”

Maxwell: “putain

mona look”

Little-K1ng: “it helps it set in better as a gentle present

yeah?”

Maxwell: “flowers....”

Marcus: “everythings fine it’s fine it’s fine finefinefine”

Little-K1ng: “o-oh...

oh marcus.....”

Marcus: “its fine

everything’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “marcus... loosen the grip on your hair, okay? you're gonna pull too hard

you might yank some of the flowers-”

Marcus: “no nononono

Maxwell: “Ah putain putain putain!”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, please-

please give me your hands, if you can, i dont want you to hurt yourself,”

Marcus: “everything’s fine everything’s going to be okay it’s fine it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “exactly”

Maxwell: “marcus please”

Little-K1ng: “shhh sh sh sh just stop pulling your hair, just calm down, deep breaths”

Marcus: “its..it’s okay it’s fine

nothing happened it’s fine”

Little-K1ng: “marcus-

its okay to say nothing happened but... you have to come to terms with it at some point. i just want to know you're okay”

Marcus: “im fineimfine”

Little-K1ng: “you're fine, marcus

you're fine, i promise”

Marcus: “im..fine

...im fine”

Maxwell: “you aint”

Marcus: “..I’m.....im fine

I’m fine :)”

Maxwell: “youre not”

Marcus: “I’m ⎎⟟⋏⟒”

Maxwell: “NO”

Marcus: “-!

w-what?”

Little-K1ng: “WHAT

what

okay

let me not

let me not yell

okay

hhhhhh

marcus?

nnnnnoooooOO okay okay”

Marcus: “....”

Little-K1ng: “vwoop vwoop dont do that”

marcus...?: “...”

Maxwell: “No....”

marcus...?: “..I..”

Maxwell: “please no....”

Little-K1ng: “marcus...?”

marcus...?: “.....

..yeah?”

Little-K1ng: “are you...... is that like... "you"?

are you sure you're still marcus? i wont be mad

you tend to just kind of.... accept it”

marcus...?: “I’m...

...hm”

Little-K1ng: “you can think about it if you want

ill call you by whoever you are”

marcus...?: “....”

Little-K1ng: “your flowers are blooming and i dont know if that....... blurred the lines? or if "you" have bloomed”

marcus...?: “...I don’t know

I hate not knowing”

Maxwell: “that's okay...i didnt know for the longest time...

not like my family tried to help....”

marcus...?: “...what are they?”

Maxwell: “the flowers...?”

Little-K1ng: “they're pretty... they suit you.. at a glance, i think they're hyacinths? and... rhododendrons? huh”

Maxwell: “theyre Purple hyacinths and rhododendrons”

Little-K1ng: “yeah

do you want a mirror?”

marcus...?: “...heh

Fitting

...that’d be nice”

Little-K1ng: “here you go”

marcus...?: “....oh

Pretty”

Little-K1ng: “yeah! purple and gold is a good look”

marcus...?: “Red too”

Little-K1ng: “im........... sorry about the other night. i realized while i was at work today what i had actually said

i didnt mean it”

marcus...?: “....”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt mean to make you feel like viscount was less you than you are”

marcus...?: “......

...I don’t...want to be sad anymore

...I forgive you Mona

......sorry about this whole mess”

Little-K1ng: “that..... i dont deserve that, but ill take it

dont be...”

Maxwell: “anyone else still having slight headaches?”

marcus...?: “It’s..kind of my fault that we’re here”

Maxwell: “its not man..”

marcus...?: “...it is

I was...

I wanted to stay”

Little-K1ng: “it wasnt your fault. i left the doors open, maxwell gave himself up, fetch uh. we'll skip that one”

marcus...?: “But I got scared when...page..took off his circlet”

Little-K1ng: “when we're all to blame theres enough to go around, dont hurt yourself carrying it all”

marcus...?: “I didn’t want to leave”

Maxwell: “you helped me get away and im thankful for that”

[Maxwell: “anyone else still having slight headaches?”]

Little-K1ng: “i mean always”

marcus...?: “but you were so unhappy

And...and crown said that if you ever wanted to leave, you could

He said that

But....

But he didn’t want to let page max leave”

Little-K1ng: “he said you could leave? he might be banking on no one wanting to, which is..... surprisingly childish”

Maxwell: “thats why im confused why not just let me go...”

Little-K1ng: “almost adorable, frankly”

Maxwell: “im just a kid

well

not really”

marcus...?: “........he”

Maxwell: “im not a kid but im young”

marcus...?: “None of us

....

Before Max and fetch...

None of us...wanted to leave

We all went...for reasons

......

...I don’t like being marcus”

Maxwell: “.....”

Little-K1ng: “...you dont have to be”

marcus...?: “......”

Little-K1ng: “you can be viscount and still stay here, i wont hurt you”

marcus...?: “..........”

Maxwell: “yeah”

marcus...?: “...what about...knight fetch”

Little-K1ng: “i... they need to figure out what actually makes them happy. for that, they're gonna need time to work that out if crown wants anything lasting. but either way, neither one is gonna hold it against you”

marcus...?: “......”

Maxwell: “yeah

i know i would prefer to stay as max because....

page reminds me of who I was before I was myself....who I truly was

when i was kid who didnt know anything”

Little-K1ng: “so... page makes you feel... helpless?

vulnerable?”

Maxwell: “yeah

hes who i was before

who i am to my family

accept my family sees me as a 'she' even if I've told them im not....”

Little-K1ng: “oh ew

have no fear max, you're you. no matter what they say

same goes to you”

Maxwell: “...i....

you know how im part rat?

but dont fully look like one?”

Little-K1ng: “yeah?

Maxwell: “like fetch kids loved the make fun of me for how i looked....my grandmother gave me a necklace when I was about 10 then helped hide those features....

made my ears more human like, pointy but easier to hide

and....got rid of the other stuff

im not supposed to wear it for more than 2 weeks but i've been wearing it ever since crown took me”

Little-K1ng: “oh no is that.... like.... unhealthy??

i dont usually have to do anything to h-.... well

yknow, like i wouldnt know”

Maxwell: “.....

i hadnt taken it off cause i got so used to wearing it

and uh....didnt know what you would do”

Little-K1ng: “....do you want to take it off?”

Maxwell: “kids used to pull on my ears and yell in em

honestly?”

Little-K1ng: “honestly”

Maxwell: “yeah....my ears have been hurting because in order to hide em it squishes em”

Little-K1ng: “do you........ want us to turn around first?”

marcus...?: “We don’t have to look if you don’t want us to”

Maxwell: “perhaps it takes a second to set in and it might be helpful if you do...”

Little-K1ng: “i can chat with marcus while it... wears off i guess?

wait, marcus uh? viscount?

whichever

uh”

marcus...?: “...I don’t know”

Little-K1ng: “ill wait for confirmation on that

but uh

are you...... feeling okay?

better, at least?

i can get you some water”

marcus...?: “...I’m..yeah

....I’m alright”

[The rest of the conversation is speculation about whether Mona truly is “the fourth” member, as well as what kind of personality her court version would have. There’s only one day left before Spring is supposed to arrive, and the court members return “home”, so there’s still a possibility that Fetch might return before then]

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

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dirt-cup-draco · 5 years

Text

Edmund Pevensie x Reader- I don’t love him like I love you

Warnings: Cheating, vague mentions of sex but nothing terribly explicit

You tossed and turned in your large bed as the moon arched across the sky and cast shapes through your sheer drapes. Your husband, the high king Peter lay on his side, fast asleep. You know he had had a long day meeting with several foreign aristocrats for one reason or another and he put tremendous amounts of pressures on his shoulders. Not like he would share any of that with you. You loved Peter, truly you did, he was kind and a good husband but he didn’t view you as his wife. He didn’t confide in you and therefore you felt you couldn’t confide in him.

How were the two of you supposed to be happy if you couldn’t communicate your true feelings? He had always been so good to you and you nearly felt guilty for how you had betrayed him. You hadn’t meant to fall for another, let alone his own brother. It had simply happened. You’d been living in the castle with the Pevensie’s since you had married Peter to keep peace between your two nations. You knew each and everyone of them and had a place in your heart for all of the siblings. Yet there was one sibling who had definitely been taking up a bigger part of your heart as of late.

Edmund had always kept to himself at least that is what you had assumed when you had met him years before. Your impending marriage to Peter had been frightening to you in the beginning. You had never traveled outside of your own country before and now you were expected to be the wife of a stranger and live in a completely foreign land and be completely calm and happy about it. It was a lot of pressure and you were not equipped to handle it as gracefully as expected. When you found yourself with time to yourself you wandered trying to put your racing mind at ease by moving your legs. You had come across the library on your third day of your father and Peter speaking of relations and how you could be given to Peter as a peace offering. Though they’d never call it that. You were just an olive branch and you were well aware of it.

That had been very upsetting. You’d dreamed of love and a happy marriage and kingdom but as you grew you came to realize that that was not the case. Your own parents had not married for love, and neither would you. So as you got to the library you were happy to hide between the shelves for long periods of time trying to forget that you were probably being used as a bargaining chip at that very moment.

You had been caught up in a book when you realized there was someone standing at the end of the isle you were in. For a moment you feared it was Peter but as you looked up you realized it was the Just King Edmund Pevensie. You had formally met only once before but you found yourself relaxed. There was something about the gentle curve of his lips that implied some sort of permanent feeling of amusement and the depth of his eyes that proved to you he was mature beyond his years.

“I come here to escape my brother too,” He’d said and you had immediately found yourself blushing and hanging your head low in shame.

“I meant no harm your majesty, I am not escaping your brother, I just found I needed a break. He is a very good man and I am lucky to be marrying him,” You found yourself robotically apologizing.

Edmund rolled his eyes and with little grace had plopped down next to you. Even sitting he was a fair amount taller than you. He wasn’t as broad as peter and his complexion was more fair you noted as you stared at the sharp cut of his jaw, unable to meet his eyes now that he was sitting so close. He smelled like pine.

“Edmund is just fine. Honestly, I hate the ‘your majesty’ stuff.” You nodded and turned your eyes back to the book in your hands. You wondered how long he was going to sit there as the silence dragged on.

“May I ask what your real feelings are on the subject of being betrothed to Peter? I might be overstepping my boundaries, but you’ll be my sister in law soon. Guess I should get used to being familiar with you,” He finally added.

You closed the book and thought for a moment. You shrugged. “I know that he is a good man and king and I know that he will treat me well. Yet I don’t feel any love towards him. I know we will grow to be friends but I doubt that it could ever be more than that,” You admitted softly, surprised you had let down your guard so quickly.

After that day you and Edmund had made frequent visits to the library to chat. Sometimes when you couldn’t sleep you went and hoped hed be there. You’d come to realize more often than not he would be there as he was plagued by night terrors. He encouraged you to tell him your true feelings and in return he shared with you his fears and struggles and feelings. By the time the wedding approached you had become best friends with Edmund.

Even after the wedding had passed you two often met up. Not as often as before of course, as a new queen you had certain duties you needed to attend to. And there was the obligatory time you needed to spend with your Husband. You really couldn’t complain too much. He never pushed you to be intimate nor did he force you to say you loved him. You two had respect for one another and a mutual understanding that this wasn’t an ideal marriage. Peter was good to you but your heart wasnt his. Sometimes the two of you were pent up and had needs and you got physical yet it didn’t mean anything. It was just a release that left you feeling hollow.

And you spoke to Edmund about this. He seemed to get tense however and you noticed his eyes would linger on the bruise that had been sucked onto your neck the night before more than was necessary and he seemed grumpier. You assumed it was because he thought you morally loose or easy somehow for giving into such desires when you were not in love. It hurt a little bit but he would never judge you aloud.

When he had nightmares you were the first person he wanted to see, and probably the only person. He would knock once on your door as he got up to go the library and you would wait until Peter’s breathing evened out again before following after him. Your husband slept like the dead and you were very grateful for it. When Edmund had nightmares his shoulders sagged more than usual and his spark was fizzled out. His lips were downcast and his eyes were rimmed red with dark bags underneath. His hands shook so you often held them and he sighed in relief at your touch.

As years passed the more you two touched one another. You would lay with your head in his lap as his fingers carded through your hair and you would vent to him the frustrations of the week. Meanwhile when he needed comfort you would let him lay between your legs, his head on your chest, his ear pressed over your heart. You two found immense comfort in one another and you become aware of it one night as you woke up from a dream that had you pressing your thighs together to try and ease the ache.

Noticing how you shifted, Peter had rolled over and pressed his lips to your neck, groping your breast. You were filled with dread as he’d lazily thrusted into you and panted low praises your ear, for you could only think of Edmund doing the same. From then on you had seen Edmund in the light that had been steadily getting brighter. In a cruel twist of fate your heart had chosen him.

Tonight was no different than the others. You couldn’t sleep. So you finally rolled out of bed, making sure Peter was still covered by the silky sheets. He often woke up, fulfilled his needs and yours, and then fell back into a deeper sleep until the morning. You dressed into a nightgown and then quietly left the room and let your legs carry you on autopilot to the library. You had much to think about and so you were glad to see that Edmund hadn’t arrived yet.

You were aware you loved him. And you hoped that he had similar feelings for you but you were not as sure as you wanted to be. What if you were just someone to talk to because he felt he couldn’t speak to his siblings lest he be judged? What if he truly viewed you as a sister? That might make you sick. But it’d be worse if you admitted your feelings and he hated you for loving him.

You couldn’t help it. He’d been your shoulder to cry on, and you’d been his. He made you laugh and smile and you felt so very free with him. You could get lost in his eyes for an eternity and nothing sounded more pleasant than tracing the constellation of freckles across his nose and cheeks. You wanted to run your fingers through his dark waves of hair and be held in his arms during the night. You wanted to hold him too and make him feel safe and make him feel invincible like he did for you. Edmund was your dream.

When he did arrive to the library, he found you sobbing with your hands hiding your face as your shoulders shook and you tried your best to breathe. Immediately he had fallen to his knees before you, his strong hands gently encircling around your wrists to pull your hands away. He hated when you hid from him. He wanted to look you in the eyes when he comforted you because he wanted to know that you truly were feeling better. It made his heart ache when he knew you were struggling.

His brother was a lucky son of a bitch and he was envious. Yet at the same time, Edmund knew for certain that you wouldn’t cry freely in front of Peter. You wouldn’t tell him your fears and hopes and worries and dreams. You wouldn’t stay up late with him speaking of your feelings and listening to his. Edmund knew that his brother had certain privileges with you however like being able to freely walk hand in hand with you all over the castle, even if he wouldn’t. He could touch you and wrap his arms around his waist as he slept and Peter could do all this yet he knew he only did when he wanted to get off. It was evident in the darkening love bites on your neck and collarbones.

Trust him, Edmund was plenty envious of that too. You were gorgeous and intelligent and everything he could ever dream of. You let him be himself and you comforted him. He was no traitor in your eyes. He was a strong, just king who had been to hell and back and still stood tall. Edmund felt like he could take on the world if you were only by his side.

So to see you so heartbroken over something, with your hands hiding your tears and your shoulders curved to make yourself smaller as you sobbed crushed him. As he pulled his hands away from your face and studied you he asked, “Did he do something?” He wasn’t sure what he was accusing his brother of, he knew the man would never hurt you intentionally or be cruel to you, yet he just had to ask.

You shook your head and sniffled, pulling him up to you so you could hug him. “Of course not Ed, I just realized that I can never have what I truly want in this life and it is weighing heavily on my mind, that is all,”

“And what might that be, little bird?” He spoke softly, your nickname rolling easily off of his tongue. He ran a hand from the top of your head to the end of your hair comfortingly. Edmund reveled in how soft your hair was. Your lips twitched up for a second and he felt good about it. He wasn’t liberal with his affections but with you it was different. He found that he wanted you near as often as possible and that he wanted to make you smile any way possible. He wanted to shower you in praises and affections and love. Because Edmund loved his brother’s wife. What kind of world was this? It should have upset him, he should feel guilt for loving a taken woman but he couldn’t. You were radiant and perfect and his heart belonged to you.

“Love is a distant dream and has been since I married, I love another but you know that it is impossible for me to be with them,” Your dewy eyelashes fluttered over your eyes as you pulled away from your long embrace to look him in the eyes.

Edmund was surprised at your easy admittance of this. His lips tugged down in a frown. “Who?” It wasn’t very smooth but dear god he was oblivious and he needed to know who you had fallen for. If it wasn’t him he wasn’t sure what he would do with himself. It was bad enough that you were Peter’s. If you were another’s as well it might kill him.

“I think you know Ed, I think both of us know,” You swallowed hard and your arms fell away from him. You were preparing yourself for rejection. Fear had taken a hold of you as you hinted at the younger brother who had owned your heart for some time. He started finally realizing what you meant as you held your gaze.

You rolled your eyes but you felt a smile tug at your mouth. You would’ve felt worried but even in the dark library you saw tinges of pink taking over the tips of his ears and the apples of his cheeks. Feeling emboldened you let a hand rest against where his shoulder and neck joined, your thumb stroking at the soft skin. His breath hitched.

Edmund stepped closer, your chest now pressed to his.You angled your face towards his. Your tears had dried and now you held some sort of hope in the depths of your eyes.

“You could be with them if you wanted, you and him could find a way,” He spoke shakily, his eyes still searching yours as his hand came to rest on your waist as the other came to tangle in your loose hair.

You had no response. There was too much on the line but you could only think of your proximity to the beautiful man you had come to know over the past couple years. Instead, you rose to the tips of your toes and pressed your lips against his. Immediately he tightened his arm around your waist and chased your retreating lips with his own. It made you feel desired and you knew now that he had you he wouldn’t let you go.

As he moved in tandem with you, his tongue experimenting with yours and his arm holding you to him you had the thought that Peter had never kissed you like this. Like you were something to be cherished and held on to. Like you were irreplaceable and wonderful.

A long time passed with you two pressed together in the quiet of the library. Yet breathing was a necessity and you two parted. You bumped your nose against his and he smiled, swiftly kissing your cheek.

“Does this mean Peter isn’t the one you love?” Edmund asked cheekily, a gleam in his eye that warmed you up.

“You know I don’t love him like I love you,” You said simply, bringing your lips to his once again, feeling more whole than you ever had before.

#narnia #edmund pevensie #edmund pevensie x reader #peter x reader sort of?#peter pevensie #edmund is my boi i love him #completely self indulgent #it's been a rough couple weeks guys

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kendrixtermina · 4 years

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Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

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indigopurple · 4 years

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Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

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talpup · 4 years

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Chaos: 42

So I got what I consider good news from my Doctor today. He wants to make a case study of me. Yes, I might being a boring introvert that might one day be a bionic woman with all my joints replaced; but at least doctors find me interesting. LOL. The study might not mean much for me directly; but it might help other doctors better understand and treat patients with both hEDS and RA, and other illnesses caused by what I call the two big bads. Considering I’ve seen doctors who literally had to look up what hEDS is, this is something I see as a BIG win. So here I am wanting to celebrate with you all but updating my three main fics. Apologies to Erase the Shadow readers, I don’t have a lot for you; I promise I’m not drawing out the AizawaxReaderxMic smut scene to tease. Anyway, here you all go. I hope these updates can share a portion of my happiness with you.

Summary: The day Aizawa Shouta betrayed his Love was the day the Daimon lost everything that mattered in his life. Now, with her awake from her slumber and memory wiped, he has another chance at having her and being happy. There’s only the small problem of heaven wanting his Love dead, and hell wanting control of her. And her promise to protect and help another. Oh! And her remembering what he did.

But Shouta has waited so long to have her back. Has planned and taken measures to see his Love protected. He won’t loose her this time. He’ll do anything to keep her safe, and stop her from remembering his betrayal. Cost and consequences be damned.

Though it really is a shame that the cost just might bring about Chaos.

Please remember, this fic is rated explicit and has warnings of violence, sex, questionable con, and non-con (though we’re thankfully done with that), and other possible triggers.

***If you prefer reading off AO3 here’s the link for that: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155333/chapters/55634299

I write for my own enjoyment, but edit and post for yours. If you enjoyed reading this at all please comment and let me know. It’s the only thing that encourages me to keep editing and posting.

Thank you to those who have left hearts. And a great big THANK YOU to those who have left comments or re-blogged. They really mean a lot.

As always, an extra special thank you to @inorganicone2230 for their encouragement and friendship, and help brainstorming. Your thoughts and our chats mean a lot.

42.1

“Sister. I’ve been expecting you.” The Nenu spoke.

“Sister?” Enji looked at Reyanna, flames igniting around him.

The Bitch had betrayed his son and tricked them all. Reyanna wasn’t helping the Child of Hope. She was working with the children of Chaos to wreck any hope they had of closing the gates to hell.

Enji bared his teeth. “Todoroki, get behind me. I’m going to fry that Abomination.”

Hitoshi tensed thinking for a moment that the Archangel was referring to him. After all that’s what Thirds were often called, whether they were born or made.

“I should've known.” Enji growled, stepping closer to Reyanna. “Toshinori called you an abomination once. I should've known then that you were more disgusting and twisted than simply being a Nephilim Whore.”

Shouta growled, pulling Reyanna behind him.

He had known that this was a fools errand that would end no other way then badly; but seeing as he hadn’t had a say… Hell, the only reason he was here was because Todoroki had insisted they needed him.

Shouta had no doubt that Reyanna would've tried slipping through to Oblvi without him. As if he hadn’t been tracking her through the Tie she had yet to break, and wouldn't have followed.

The Tie. If she had yet to sever his tie to her that surely meant she still wanted him. Dabi’s Tie was still in place as well. Would a Tie be able to compel a demon with a soul?

Hizashi stepped in front of heavens Second Chief. “Think about what you’re saying, Enji. We all know who and what Reyanna is. Do you really think Lucifer would claim a child that wasn’t his? She’s a nephilim. The first true nephilim. That thing is either mistaken or lying to divide us.”

“We’re already divided.” Shigaraki muttered.

The Demon’s red eyes caught Kai inching closer to Todoroki and stomped a foot. The ground decayed in a jagged line toward the Daimon General.

Kai glared at Shigaraki, steps halted.

“My son doesn’t have a blade. Why does she have such a weapon and not Todoroki? He’s a true born nephilim same as she. And the way that she aged... Todoroki didn’t age like that.” Enji scowled at her. “What she did wasn’t natural. And we all know where unnatural things stem from.”

“How could she be a child of Chaos if she’s the daughter of Lucifer and a human woman?” Shouta questioned irritably.

He wanted to call forth his blade but knew such an act would only escalate things. They should be focused on the real threat. That Beast likely called Reyanna his sister knowing the trouble it would cause, and Enji was stupid enough to fall for it.

“And who’s to say that her mother wasn’t some kind of Third?” Enji shot back.

Shouta’s eyes narrowed.

He knew Reyanna better than anyone. Yes, she was special. Different. But that was because she was a full, true born nephilim. There were no others like her to gauge her by. Expect now there was, Shouta thought.

Todoroki. If he really was Enji’s son, then the boy was just like Reyanna. Only he was nothing like Reyanna. Logic should dictate that Todoroki, being the Llaes, would have greater power than Reyanna, not less. But, like Enji said, Reyanna had a blade and had aged extraordinarily fast. Just two of the many notable differences between her and Todoroki.

“I am.” Kai said, in answer to the Archangels question.

They all turned to the Daimon General.

“I watched over Reyanna’s mother during her pregnancy. I was there for Anna’s birth. The woman who bore her was no Third. Not even a made one. She was fully human.”

Kai honestly didn’t care if they all turned on and killed each other; but there was a literal Beast to deal with. The thing was more powerful than any Leviathan. He could sense it. They all could.

That was probably why Enji was focused on Reyanna, Kai thought with huffing distaste. Better to face a beatable problem rather than the impossible one. But if he couldn’t get near enough to kill Todoroki, and was to have any hope of making this place his kingdom, then that Beastly Third needed to be put down. And he couldn’t do it alone.

“Can we focus on the more pressing issue here.” Dabi spoke up. “Like, what do we do?”

“We fight.” Hawks stated.

At Hawks’ ill spoken words, Shouta, Enji, Kai, and Reyanna’s blades dropped into their hands; only instead of looking toward the Beastly Third, they were eyeing each other.

“I mean.” Dabi stressed loudly. “What do we do about finishing the task and getting outta here.” He looked at Todoroki. “It’d be nice to know what we’re doing here, Kid. You know. Before we all kill each other or die horribly at the fangs and claws of that thing.”

Todoroki gulped when all eyes turned to him. Nephilim and Llaes he may have been, but he was still just a boy of seventeen.

“It’s okay.” Reyanna soothed. “No pressure.”

“No pressure?” Dabi echoed. “Did you already forget about the huge moster wanting to tear us apart.”

“Maybe she is working with it.” Shigaraki commented, watching Reyanna critically.

Shouta sneered at the red-eyed Demon. “Shut it.”

“Why hasn’t it attacked?” Hawks wondered.

Todoroki’s bi-colored hues looked about, overwhelmed.

“Hey.” Reyanna put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t listen to them. Don’t look at the threat. I’ll take care of it.”

Shouta opened his mouth to contest. She wouldn’t be taking care of that monstrous thing. He would be taking care of her, and getting her out of here.

“You just do what you need to.” Reyanna went on. “Though it would be nice to know what that is. Sooner, rather than later.”

“I need to get to the room where the sealed Leviathan's are kept.” Todoroki said.

“Any idea where that is?” Hizashi asked. green eyes taking in the literal mountain of a castle behind the Beastly Third.

Shouta looked back at Hizashi. The Angel sounded distracted. He knew Hizashi well enough to know that a distracted Hizashi was a thinking Hizashi. The Angel had picked up on something and was trying to piece it together in his head.

Todoroki nodded. “I know exactly where the room is Though it’ll take a while to get there. It’s in the center of the castle.”

“Of course it is.” Dabi muttered.

His turquoise eyes narrowed at the Beast at the top of the stairs. The Creature had so much as moved. If he hadn’t been able to feel the raw chaotic power radiating off the thing, he might’ve thought it was an illusion.

“Then let’s go.” Reyanna said, gaze finally turning back to the Winged Man-Beast.

It hurt her eyes to look at him. The fact that his hulking beastly frame and more human one were somehow one and the same made it impossible to focus on either.

Todoroki shook his head. “No. You have to stay here.”

Reyanna looked back at him, eyes wide and concerned. Had Enji’s words gotten to him? Did Todoroki no longer trust her?

“I swore to protect you.”

“Your promise to help me finish this is more important.”

“But--” Reyanna fell silent.

How could she keep that promise if she didn’t protect him? Was she doomed to lose Todoroki like she had all the others? And when they had come so far. Would she ever make good on her promise to Abril, and be able to just live in peace with Shouta? But she and Shouta were no more. Their Bond was broken, and he had betrayed her. If, when she helped Todoroki finish this there would be nothing left for her. Not without Shouta to live with and rest in. Without the promise of peaceful living with her Love, what was the point of all this?

“Hitoshi will go with me. He’ll see me safe.” Todoroki said.

The Were stepped to his boyfriend’s side. “Always.”

Todoroki’s blank expression softened. He looked back at Reyanna. “You have to stay here. I won’t be able to enter the chamber unless you do.”

Reyanna’s eyebrows knitted together. Would the room remain locked if she were around? Why? She would bust the damned door open. She would obliterate it and anything else that got in her way of helping Todoroki finish this.

Todoroki took a cue from her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Stay here. Fight. Listen. Open your senses and understand. I won’t be able to enter the room until you fully do.”

“So what are you gonna do? Walk right passed that beast and enter?” Dabi asked, unnerved that the Creature still hadn’t moved.

“Yes.” Todoroki took Hitoshi’s hand and tugged him along.

“Wha—wait! Todo!” Hitoshi stumbled after him.

“It’ll be fine.” Todoroki soothed, taking and exhaling a measure breathe. “He’s not interested in us.”

“Alright…” Hitoshi tensed as walked on.

Why wouldn’t the damned thing move? Not that Hitoshi wanted it to move. He wanted to think that the thing was a huge statue. But thanks to it talking, he knew that it was most definitely real and alive.

“You’re a Third. He wouldn’t harm you.” Todoroki said.

“A made Third! And one that’s helping and working with you and them.” Hitoshi jerk his head behind him.

“You’re still one of his people.”

“So what if he thinks I’m some sort of Brutus, or orders me to turn on you all and kills me when I don’t?”

“He won’t do either of those things. You’re too insignificant to him.”

“Thanks for that.” Hitoshi grumbled, frowning pout tugging at his lips.

Todoroki’s thumb rubbed against the back of Hitoshi’s hand. “I said too insignificant to him. Now I can’t talk anymore. Not till we get passed him and inside.”

“Why?”

“He can’t see me but he’ll still be able to hear me.”

“What? Why--”

“Quite.” Todoroki hushed.

Right, Hitoshi thought. Better not to pass the huge, scary Beast while talking to someone the thing couldn’t see.

As the two boys neared, Hitoshi unwilling changed into his cat form. He scowled, trying to shift back to human but couldn’t. It was as if some other power had forced him to change and was keeping him that way.

His heart began to race. What if it was this place? Oblvi was the home of the Thirds. What if being here somehow made him more Third than human? What if the longer he stayed here the more Were he became? What if he lost his mind and became like other mindless made Were’s? What if he stayed like this, unable to change back to human? What if--

Todoroki’s fingers pet through the large, purple Cat’s fur.

Hitoshi’s mind stilled. He focused on the calming touch and forced himself to relax.

Reyanna watched the boy she swore to protect walk up and passed the man-beast. This wasn’t right. Nothing felt right. Yet, for the first time in her long life a piece of her that had always felt wrong was beginning to feel at ease. It was like a final puzzle piece that you had to fiddle with to get in place; only she wasn’t sure she wanted to adjust and let everything fall into place, afraid of the image it would make.

Shouta tenderly gripped her arm. “Anna.”

“Reyanna.” The Nenu frowned, eyes refocusing.

He had tried to speak to his Father; but like every other time since the beginning of his absence, Chaos had remained silent. What made this youngest child of Chaos so special? His Father had gone to the place of order called earth to create her. Chaos had even spoken to the woman a couple of times. The Nenu had heard his Father’s ancient and distant voice echoing through the cosmos as Chaos had done so.

His Father had told her to take her rightful place and make them bow. To make all of them bow.

The Nenu snarled wanting to call upon his people to expunge the blight that was his youngest sibling. But he had told his people to stay away. He hadn’t liked the interest many had shown in her. It was bad enough that half of each of the Janus’ had said that Reyanna would unseat him from his throne. Then again two-faced as they were, half of their psyche would say that.

But that didn’t explain why over four centuries ago the Great Rock had moved his colony from Oblvi to a place called Purgatory Chasm on earth. Why had the gargoyle ruler been so interested in seeing their weakling sister for himself?

In the end the Great Rock had been slain by Reyanna. And why had Reyanna ended the Great Rock’s life and humiliated him by cutting off his chin? Because some within the Great Rock’s colony had attacked her Daimon lover.

The Nenu’s eyes bore into Reyanna’s so called Love. Aizawa Shouta. A Seraphim Chief that had personally ended countless of the Nenu’s kin and oversaw the deaths of countless more. Aizawa had been one of the ones that had rained fire from heaven down on his kind, him and the other three Archangel’s standing with him.

But Aizawa was no long an Archangel. The Seraphim had turned against his own kind. He had lost his grace and fallen. And this was who his sister chose to bind herself to? Some shifting creation of God that went against his Lord and kin for his own aims and purposes. Did Reyanna really think that a man like that could be loyal and true no matter what?

The only reason Aizawa had stayed with her this long was because he had yet to learn what Reyanna fully and truly was, and what she had unknowingly done. Once the Daimon found that out, his love would end and he would leave her. And in the wreckage he left her in, the Nenu would strike. For the memory of his Leviathan siblings and the last Great Rock, and the sake of his people the Nenu would strike this weak, sorry excuse for a sister down and end her.

The Nenu shrunk, turning into a winged human as three creatures broke off from him.

“Shit!” Shouta cursed.

“It can do that!” Hizashi exclaimed.

“I am the first son of Chaos and you are in my land. There is nothing I cannot do.” The Nenu said.

“Not fair!” Hizashi shot back.

“Are those his pets?” Shigaraki wondered, head tilting.

“Who gives a fuck! Where the hell did he come from?” Dabi demanded.

“They’re him.” Reyanna said.

Hawks chanced a glance at her. “What?”

She squeezed her eyes shut. The world around her spun. Great. Now there were four things that were both massive creature and winged man.

“They’re all him!” She shouted.

“Does she mean that they share the same mind?” Hizashi wondered, both interested and afraid.

“Maybe he has some sort of psychic control over the things.” Hawks ventured.

“What the hell does that matter? Kill them!” Enji bellowed.

“Good luck with that, all three beasts are the size of a large Leviathan. A team of our size would barely be able to take down one.” Kai remarked, eyes beginning to glow with his power.

“Not helping!” Dabi yelled. “By the way, I call the winged man. You guys can deal with the beasts.”

“Wait!” Hizashi’s head whipped back to Reyanna. “How do you know that they’re all him?”

Reyanna squinted at the original Nenu still at the top of the stairs. “How do you not! Just looking at him makes my head want to split open.”

Shouta's eyes narrowed. “Why? What do you see?”

“Both of him, as one.”

“Both of him?” Shouta echoed.

He looked back at the Nenu. What was the winged fiend doing to his Love? What did she mean by both of him?

“Shou…” Hizashi glanced at Reyanna. “I got a really bad feeling about this.”

Shouta grunted thinking that he had a bad feeling about this since the very first time he heard Reyanna call Abril the Llaes. “Look at that man and tell me what you see, Yamada.”

“A well dressed, all be it scary winged man.” Hizashi answered.

Shouta sighed. So it wasn’t something he was missing, it was something only Reyanna was seeing. Shit.

He should’ve taken her and locked her away the moment he had tied himself to her. He should've kept her tied to the bed and flinted them to a sealed room the moment Lucifer had released the bit of her life force. Instead, his desire to see his Love happy had won over his need to protect her and now they were here. He had failed his Love yet again, and this time they would both pay the price with their lives.

“I’m not dead yet.” Shouta growled lowly, fingers rapping against the hilt of his blade. “Dabi! Stay with Anna. Protect her.”

Dabi nodded. Before he could make a move he felt the compel of the Tie begin to burn within him.

“Really! We’re back to that! I was gonna do it! You don’t have to compel me.”

“Dabi. Stay near Shouta. Watch his back.” Reyanna commanded.

“You too!” Dabi complained.

Well as long as they stay together there shouldn’t be a problem, Dabi thought. I doubt Aizawa's gonna be leaving Anna’s side if he can help it.

“Have we picked our teams?” The Nenu at the top of the stairs asked. He was in front of Reyanna quicker than any archangel or daimon could flint. “Cause I’m ready to begin.”

#bnha #aizawa shouta #todoroki enji #todoroki shouto #shinsou hitoshi #hizashi yamada #bnha hawks #dabi my hero academia #shigaraki tomura #kai chisaki #yandere aizawa #yandere #my hero academia #chaos

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limelocked · 4 years

Note

Naruto OCS???? Do tell us about them

oh now youve got me started!

i made a post about their history (very general) in this post so ill talk more about their personalities and things that stand out about them cuz i love them

so the tldr is that they’re an off shoot of the uchiha clan from the first great ninja war when yokumo fucked straight off from konoha due to 75% paranoia that turned to 99% paranoia when he left but cant go back now! hed be a rogue nin! so he settles down in the land of grass with Asaro the most best girl character ive ever made. She’s a tailor/seamstress/weaver in this tiny village and she just radiates chill, shes been your mom friend since grade 2 and will continue to be your mom friend until death

yokumo is Stressed and Strict because my dude has the sharingan so when they have three kids (not at the same time hot damn) he decides like any good parent to just refuse to let them use their eye powers at all (note: this is probably not a good parenting tecnique)

tenjo is the oldest daughter and she idolizes her dad so fucking much dude and shes fighty, boy pulls her hair and gets an ass whopping , shes the queen of the village kids but with different leading skills than her mom. she legit saw yokumo use jutsu ONCE and went “oh hell yeah time to be ninja”

yokumo said no

jiyuro is the middle kid and he just vibes dude, hes a normal easy going kid that reaps the reward of being the sibling of the queen of kids, hes also the kind of bastard that can and will use his sharingan to cheat in exams, something he can only pull of thanks to the babiest brother 30 under 30 ninja luminary chiban who cant use the sharingan but damn is that boy neck deep in genjutsu training

chiban put like all his dnd leveling towards genjutsu and some taijutsu so he wouldnt mcfucking die in the middle of a fight in the event that his genjutsu fails. his illusions are amazing tho and real specialised, he can make you believe that those eyes? those red eyes with weird dots in em? yeah totally normal, you didnt see shit. the same with cuts and bruises, dude specialices in detailed genjutsu instead of haha you got caught in a plant or some of the other ridiculus shit naruto characters do

now tenjo gets married not once, not thrice but two times, first time to your local imported bitch boy hatsunaio ha’ame whos playing the longest con in existance aka he “falls in love” with tenjo and gets married, has a kid, all so he can confirm that the clan has the sharingan to report back to konoha cuz that aint right, sharingan outside of konoha and even more sharingan outside a hidden village

fear not tought! imported asshoe gets killed by tenjo with the sweet loot of the mangekyou sharingan and Trauma!

her second marrage is 4-5 years later with drinker of respecting woman juice Tsumashin Aishika who had been a family friend since a bit after ha’ame got what was coming to him. Aishika is super patient and just Kind Man, if only he was stupid and buff he would be a himbo but he’s average and kinda smart so Good Dad will have to do. He likes to read and is a wood worker.

Tenjos kids are a fucking story too, btw hope you wanted a long long post cuz youve really gotten me started now

Renge, the kid she had with Ha’ame, is the oldest and she doesnt remember her dad at all, shes been called a clone of her mom with the fightyness and the “wow cool! need to learn that!” reaction to jutsu. Shes impulsive if shes on her own and the worlds biggest glass canon in a fight because she has trash chakra stores and the impatience to skip on learning to distrobute it properly, she also has the vibration style kekkei genkai (lightning + wind) which just eats up her chakra

first kid with Aishika is Hotoki whos like her mom but EXTREME, shes the naruto of the kadzuki fam, impatient, a brat and ready to throw down instantly, shes stubborn as fuck and she wants to be the Tsukikage, a position that doesnt exist for a village that doesnt exist in a land that already has a hidden village. her family is supportive tho

last kid is Makuto whos one of only three kids in this clan thats youngler than naruto. his life starts of great by killing his mom with complications during birth giving him absolutly no problems down the road, nope, haha. Hes pretty reserved and likes his grandmas craft better than his grand dads so he takes up tailoring and later pottery, hes a fast learner 100% because of the sharingan

then we have jiyuros wife Pantama Hoshi, shes friend shaped and radiates chill like asaro. they met while team one (aka tenjo, jiyuro and chiban) was out at another town for a mission. shes a gardener and grows medicinal herbs along with real good flowers. theyre by far the most calm parents in the family and basically became foster parents for Tenjos kids once she died so yes, they have two dads. Hoshi can and will support you in anything thats not plain out stupid

Jiyuros first kid is Nishi whos good and cautious, shes the single kid in the budding team 2 that thinks things through properly before doing something, but too much, shes a pesemist, and probably has anxiety, on the upside all of the plans shes involved with goes without a hitch because she provides endless “what if bad thing happens” scenarios, in the downside plans take so much longer because of said what ifs, she specialises in sealing and summoning but really really wants to be a medical ninja because you see what if someone gets hirt! what if renge becomes dumb bitch during a mission and gets hurt because shes a glass canon

the second kid is Takuhi whos the mediating voice of reason that pushes Renge to listen to what ifs and makes Nishi remember that sometimes improv is whats needed during a mission, hes on the cautious until proover otherwise side. He hangs out with Yokumo a lot and is slowly inhereting his paranoia and or world waryness

TIME FOR MY FAVE BRANCH

Chibans family is amazing because i love them, his wife Yamatora Seiho, usually called by her last name, is an ex shinobi from the land of grass (she freaked Tenjo out a bunch after the Ha’ame bullshit went down) thats just so fucking done with the kage and government so she went to do that good good farming cottage core life but shes really not suited for it. shes ready to throw the fuck down at any time but shes also kind to her kids and real serious

she also had a previous marrage that ended in good ol murder (not her killing her husband for once in this clans history) but basically she took her at the time 5 y/o son Usagi with her and Chiban said fuck it join the family instantly

Usagi feels so fucking left out tho cuz he wants to be included in the playing the other kids do but he cant manage to care about that whole ninja thing plus he doesnt have eye powers and just why bother, so instead he goes to Asaro and asks her to be his teacher, he also becomes a barber in the town because my god did Jiyuro really just almost cut his sons ear off???

THEN THE TWINS!!

Hikame and Yorukoi are twin girls and the other two that’re younger than naruto in the clan, theyre 9 when hes 12. They spend their time usually together or with Hotoki and Makoto since Usagi is 13 years older than them and Renge, Nishi and Takuhi are team 2 on missions a lot. Yorukoi really loves animals and looks up to Nishi because holy shit mom she can summon animals with only a lil blood holy fuck meanwhile Hikame likes art and drawing the aimals Yurokoi comes sprinting home to tell everyone she found

The twins and Hotoki will make up Team 3 just as soon as Yokumo lets them because oops a few years ago the whole konoha branch of the uchiha got fucking annihilated and we might be next.com

#long as fuck post #kadzuki clan #god i love the fam so much #all of them are so dumb #the twins become friends with Zeiten and yknow thats the real reason Kyorinrin gets convinced to stay and teach Nishi medical ninjutsu #naruto ocs #naruto oc

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wanderingpinkrabbit · 5 years

Text

My mother was mostly neglectful.

She ignored me unless she was telling me horrifyingly detailed stories of her childhood abuse or how dangerous the world is and how no one was going to protect me.

Or if she was showing me off to other people. Its all about her reputation. Typical narcissist bc she needed constant attention and glory but she wasnt willing to do anything to deserve it. So she ignored me until I got straight As or wrote an award winning story or was accepted into the Gifted and Talented program. Then she took all of the praise even though she never helped me with any of it. Especially not school.

When I was in 1st grade I asked her for help with homework and she told me not to start asking for help. So I never asked her again. When I joined orchestra I couldnt practice bc shed yell at me to stop with that awful noise.

She never told me I was smart or talented or capable. She often told me how ugly I was. Even when I was little. Constantly picking apart my features.

Alcoholic. She got too touchy when she drank and gave kisses that were too sloppy wet.

Theres more. You get the idea.

I was an only and she was single so I was alone with her which meant I was just alone.

When I was 10 she brought in Jeff.

I was sitting on the ground in front of our apartment when a man walked toward the building. As soon as I looked up and saw him I knew he was evil. Through and through. Every cell of him was screaming at me to stay away and run. This had never happened to me before and I trusted that gut instinct.

I watched him and saw he went into our apartment. I was so scared I didnt go up until he left. I told my mother what happened and she blew me off.

He knew I could see him. So for a year he tried to buy my affection. Everytime he came to see her hed bring me treats.

I was not swayed.

After a year she told me they were getting married. I told her that nothing had changed. That he was evil and bad and she should break up with him. Not marry him. She told me that I was a jealous selfish brat. This made no sense since shed been dating a constant string of men all of my childhood and Id never said anything like this before. I told her Id move out bc I cant live with Jeff. So she had a wedding and I moved in with my dad.

After a year my dad announced he was divorcing my stepmother and I had to go back to my mothers. I was broken down. A child should never feel this way. Betrayed by both parents. He should have kept me. He knew.

What happened over the next 5 years was what you see in movies. Constant yelling. Stomping. Beating my mother. Taking my door off the hinges. Lecturing me for hours about what an awful ungrateful child I was. Keeping me grounded always. I was only allowed to go to school and church.

So for 5 years I learned to be invisible. Silent. But it didnt matter. Even if I did everything he said hed still yell scream scare hit and punish me. Lift me off the ground by my neck. Slam me into walls.

If he saw that I loved something hed take it away from me. Throw it in the trash. I was a nervous wreck every minute of the day. I never slept. I was shaking and scared always.

My mother silently watched him do all of this to me. She did nothing to protect me.

As a cry for help at 13 I broke everything breakable in my room and broke my hand beating the walls. Nothing changed. This moment broke my brain. I felt something change in me. I learned that I was not safe and there was nothing I could do and no one was coming to save me.

I know now I should have made my dad keep me. Or run away. Anything would have been better. Even the street.

I should have walked away from my mother and never looked back. Never talked to her again. But Im sweet and full of love. I felt pity for her.

She never felt any for me.

This was the beginning of a lifetime of terrible abusive relationships. Im in my late 40s now and I have pushed away every kind hearted soul Ive ever known and kept close to me only evil abusive bastards bc I believe there is something broken inside of me that will inevitably hurt good people.

I am always miserable and often suicidal. I am deeply incapable of feeling truly loved understood stable or safe.

I didnt deserve what happened to me or how it continues to hurt me every day.

Even though Ive been kind toward her my mother is still a raging bitch and will lie about me to anyone who will listen. She still looks for ways to hurt me every chance she gets.

I wrote this bc maybe one of you who reads it will know youre not alone.

People like this dont love you and they will never change.

Leave. You can do it. Leave your stuff. Disappear.

Run now. And never look back.

#neglect #true story #save yourself #i love you #trauma #abuse #childhood #op #emotional abuse #physical abuse #psychogical abuse

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angsty-nerd · 5 years

Text

Fictober #31

#31. “Scared? Me?”

Roswell, NM Fanfiction

Gen, slight Echo. Isobel, Michael, Liz...Noah & Max mentioned.

Also for RIPRoswell, with the “haunting” theme for today!

*takes a bow*. Below the cut for length!

Isobel hated that she still thought about him sometimes.

She didn't want to. She definitely didn't want him. But he had spent so many years twisting his way into her subconscious, into her life, into her heart that no matter how much she hated him now, she couldn't quite fully forget him.

It made her want to scream and throw things.

It made her want to blow shit up.

She tried to expel her rage through self defense classes, by trying to grow strong. She tried learning new alien abilities to feel powerful.

But he was still there, tickling in the back of her mind, telling her that she was weak, gullible, that she would always be his plaything.

She clears their home out, removing everything that reminds her of him. It was all fake anyway. The Noah who lived as her husband was the lie, which should make him easier to erase.

The monster who killed Rosa was the real Noah. He belonged in that cave out in the desert. He deserved the cold, damp darkness. He should have been trapped underground with the corpse of his own making. He deserved to be buried. That monster never lived with her in her home and he never would.

Spring was coming and as the weather warmed it reminded her of her husband...of picnics in the town square, of their huge wedding in the big church with the whole town in attendance. Spring had too many memories. Spring meant that it was time to exorcise him from her life for good.

She made her way to the monster’s cave for the first time in months. She hated everything about that place. Not only was it the monster's home, it was a symbol of her husband's lies. Not to mention it was the place where her brother had died.

She would be lying if she didn't admit that she hated that last bit the most about the cave. It had taken her brother away from her. She wanted it to burn.

It hadn't really changed in the months since Max had died. Rosa's weird shrine still dominated the walls of the cave, and the sad, broken pod was still the largest object in the room. Anything alien, or anything they thought might be useful was collected and taken away with them on the day that Max died.

Isobel looked at the ground and her memory flashed back to that day, to running into the cave...the sight of Max lying dead on the ground, Liz with her face buried in his chest as she sobbed, agonized. Rosa in the corner, a blanket wrapped around her tiny frame, so confused about what was going on.

He caused all of this.

As the anger surged inside of her, she felt her power building alongside it, and this was it. It was time to bury him.

She shot her hand forward and narrowed her eyes, focusing all of her energy onto the monster's pod. With a mental thrust she shoved her destructive power at it, and the pod exploded, bits of its flesh-like membrane flying in every direction.

Isobel laughed, shouting at the air around hed. "Scared? Me? Ha! I'm not afraid of you anymore!"

She threw her power at the candles surrounding pictures of Rosa, satisfied to watch them fly through the air, smashing against the jagged edges of the rocks.

The rocks themselves now drew her attention. They had no business existing in this horrible place either, so she blew them up too. Rock flew in every direction, and she felt stinging pain, as the debris scratched her face, her arms, her neck, even her clothes. She tasted blood, as a scratch above her lip dripped towards her mouth.

Her breath heaved from the effort of all of the destruction that she wreaked on this place that the monster had considered sacred. She smiled, as she surveyed her damage.

"You see!" She shouted into the air. "See what I can do to you!! You don't own me anymore! I'm free, and I'm powerful, and I don't need you!"

Her voice cracked on the last word and she fell to the ground, still breathing heavily. Her eyes stung, but she bit back the tears. He didn't deserve them.

She placed her palm flat on the earth, in the dust, on the spot where Max had died. A sharp pain cut through her again as the image of her dead brother's body flashed through her mind once more.

Isobel gathered a handful of dust in in her fist. She raised it up to eye level and then slowly allowed it to slide free, between her fingers, raining back down to the earth. She gasped, as the falling dust started swirling in a beautiful pattern, not dissimilar to a tiny, gentle tornado.

There was no wind in the cave. The air was still.

When her hand was empty, she tried reaching out with her mind, hoping to sense another presence in the cave with her. For a moment she thought she felt a whisper...but no, there was nothing there. Unsure what else to do, she scattered another fistful of dust. Again, it moved into a windless pattern.

Isobel placed her hand back down on the earth and reached out with her mind, trying to sense who or what might be there with her. There was no response, other than a tiny shockwave that extended from her hand...but not from her power.

"Hello?" She whispered into the air.

There was only silence in response.

Somehow though, Isobel knew that it couldn't be Noah. Whatever was out there seemed like it was just trying to catch her attention...maybe tell her that she wasn't alone even though she felt that way. There was a comfort to the presence.

Really, she realized, it reminded her of…

"Max?" She whispered aloud.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Michael laughed as he tasted blood, his split lip already beginning to ache. He didn't give a damn though. Pain was good. Pain reminded him of who he was. Pain helped him remember that he was still alive even if-

No. None of that.

Staggering back into the Pony, his eye bruised, knuckles bloody, and that damn lip, which was gonna hurt like hell on his next drink...but he suddenly found himself face to face with a very annoyed Maria.

"All taken care of, DeLuca. The racist son of a bitch won't be coming in here and saying that kind of garbage to you anymore."

"That racist son of a bitch was a paying customer, Guerin. Unlike you. I actually need to keep a few of those around, you know...so that I don't lose the roof over my head?"

"I was defending your…"

"...honor, I know. But I can handle it, Guerin. I'm not a damsel in distress that needs saving. Now get out of my bar. Your face is pissing me off tonight."

"Fine," Michael grumbled as he made his was back to the door. He turned back right before walking out and was pleased to see no one looking. With a wave of his hand, a bottle of whiskey glided away from the bar, and over to him. He grabbed it with a smirk and headed for his truck.

It was too early to go home. He didn't want to think, which meant no Liz or Alex or Kyle… sighing, Michael could only think of one place to go, so he turned his truck towards the desert and headed to the pod cave.

It was cold and dark out there by the old turquoise mines, but Michael didn't mind the cold. Cold was just another form of pain after all. And pain was life.

He walked haphazardly into the pod cave, feeling his way through the darkness along the rocky walls, until finally it opened up into the large cavern dimly lit by the glowing pods.

He stopped in the entrance, pulled the cork from the bottle and took a long slug of whiskey to numb the impending angst that he knew would come when he let his eyes rest on…

Yup. There was Max. Floating naked in his pod, his dark hair flowing in the liquid of the stasis fluid. He looked almost comfortable, like he was asleep. Of course, it was all deception. Max hadn't moved in months. His heart wasn't beating, he wasn't breathing. He was gone. What was floating in the pod was just an empty shell.

Michael took another long drink from the bottle and closed his eyes as the whiskey burned it's way down his pipes into his stomach. He looked down at the bottle in his hand and poured one out for Max at the foot of his pod.

"One for me, one for you, man." He took another gulp. "Okay make that two for me."

He staggered back and forth in front of the pod, trying to clear his head. Maybe coming here wasn't the best idea. Being here, seeing Max...now he was just drunk and angry and he couldn't leave.

"You know, Max, I am so fucking pissed at you for leaving Isobel and I here alone. It was supposed to be the three of us. And then you and Iz both forgot that. She married that piece of shit, and you brought Liz in, who brought Valenti in, and now here we are. You're dead. And we have a herd of humans instead. But none of them are… family. Fuck."

Michael took another long drink. "Congrats, Max." He saluted the pod with the bottle. "You finally got me to admit that we're family."

He could feel his pace getting more and more unsteady, hear his words slurring as the whiskey went straight to his head.

He took a turn a little too quickly and lost his balance, falling to the ground. He laughed hysterically, lying back in the dust and staring up into the inky darkness of the rocks above.

Rolling his head a bit to the side, he could see Max in his pod a few feet away. He just lay there, staring at Max, his vision growing blurry as he found himself drifting closer to oblivion.

Through his lessening senses, for a moment he thought he saw Max looking at him from the pod. He blinked, trying to clear his head, but it didn't help.

There were footprints in the dust... were they his footprints? Or Max's?

He closed his eyes, trying to stop his head from spinning. It didn't help. The world was on a tilt-a-whirl, and Max was crouched beside him, a worried look on his face.

Before he passed out, Michael could swear he heard his brother say, "Get it together, Michael. They all need you."

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was nearly midnight when Liz returned home from the lab. Rosa was already in bed for the night, so Liz sneaked into the house quietly, trying not to wake her, as she made her way straight back to Max's bedroom.

It was cold in his room. When he was alive it seemed like there was always a fire lit, warming every room of the house. With Liz working all hours day and night, she never had time to make the house comfortable, especially on a long day like this one. So instead she decided to just bundle up for warmth.

She pulled on a pair of her own sweatpants, and then dug into Max's closet until she found his red hoodie. She slipped the sweatshirt on, zipping it up. It was much too large for her, but it was warm, and it smelled like him.

Suddenly overwhelmed by the sensation of being surrounded by the memory of him, Liz crawled into his bed, pulling the covers up around her neck, and turning her face into the pillow.

The weight of the blankets felt warm, protective...they replicated feelings that would overwhelm her when Max would hold her. The smell of him on the hoodie, on the blanket, his pillow...she felt surrounded by him…

But inherently she knew that she was surrounded by the memory of him. She was still alone. And he was still dead.

One by one, tears began to slip from her eyes, flowing down her cheeks, and dripping onto the pillow surface, until there was a damp spot beneath her face.

It had been so long without him. She had been working so hard to try to bring him back, and nothing was panning out. It was soul crushing. She was beginning to fear that she might never succeed. And all she wanted in the world was to feel Max's arms around her.

Goosebumps suddenly rose up on her arm, and she shivered at the sensation. The light tingling sensation moved from her arm, down her hand to her fingertips. She felt it travel along her jawline, trace the shape of her lips.

"Max…" she breathed out softly.

She longed to hear his voice answer, but there was no sound. Just the lightest whisper of a breeze in the air.

She sat up, searching the room for some visible sign that the sensations she was experiencing were real, weren't just a figment big her imagination. There was nothing.

Suddenly, that strange tingling sensation returned, like an invisible hand pressed over her heart, right on the spot where Max had healed her, where he had connected with her. She slipped a hand inside the hoodie and placed it over that same spot, and it felt like she captured whatever was there between her hand and her chest.

"It is you, isn't it?" She murmured to the empty room. "Don't worry, I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep fighting to give you your life back. I'm going to keep fighting for us."

~*~*~*~*~*~

He watched her sleep in the darkness, trying not to focus too much on her tear-streaked cheeks. Watching her mourn, watching her suffer, watching her work herself to death...it was all agonizing for him.

Her pain, Michael falling apart, Isobel's rage...he watched them all and longed to help them. They rarely sensed his presence, but it seemed like once in a while, when things were particularly intense, he managed to get through.

He hoped those moments helped more than they hurt.

But Max believed that Liz would succeed in bringing him back. Why else would he be here, in this state of limbo, unable to move on from the living world?

His soul was waiting to return home to them.

All he needed was for Liz to mark the path for him.

#fictober19 #riproswell #my fanfiction #rnm gen fanfic #liz ortecho #michael guerin #isobel evans

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sunlitroom · 5 years

Text

Gotham – s5e05 – Pena Dura

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Selina went stab stabbity stab. Alfred told Bruce he can’t save Selina from herself. Ed woke up on a rooftop. Jim gave speech #357 on the value of hope. Then Haven exploded, proving that hope can only do so much against an RPG. Jim’s been promised help for weeks! He also won’t stop until he finds who’s responsible for Haven. Ed was responsible for Haven, albeit in a weird trance-like state. Jim stared at the charred remains of Haven.

As always, long post will be long. There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)). There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism. Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

In a church, a man is watching an old black and white film. From what I can figure out from the actors involved and the character names, it’s a George Brent film called Tangier Incident. It’s not a particularly interesting film. He is, however, in a good creepy film called The Spiral Staircase, which I recommend.

Anyway

Jim and Harvey approach him, guns drawn, and ask him turn around. Apparently, he’s the one who sold the RPGs. He seems pretty unimpressed by them, and rather insolently asks if they’re going to arrest him.

Jim says he wants a name. Old film guy addresses some unseen minions

What do you say boys? You wanna show the lawman how we feel about uninvited guests?

No-one is backing down. The stand-off is broken up by the arrival of lots of large people dropping through the stained-glass ceiling, who promptly take the thugs out.

While this is happening, Jim wrestles the weapons dealer/film enthusiast. He still wants a name. The fight is pretty even until the old guy is shot in the head.

We now get a slow-motion shot of shiny army boots approaching to some foreboding music. Jim rises, frowning in confusion as shiny boots man removes the mask covering his face.

Eduardo?

Nice shot right?

We get the military music we last had with Barnes to let us know that Jim likely met this man in the army. His men are still pointing guns, one at Harvey, so he tells them stand down.

Jim asks Eduardo what he’s doing here. He tells Jim he last saw him running through sniper fire to save him from a burning truck.

Jim claims he had the old guy where he wanted him – but he’s glad he’s here. Eduardo says he is too

They wander through the church chatting. Jim tells Harvey they hated each other in boot camp. Jim thought Eduardo did things too fast, while Eduardo thought Jim was too careful.

A sarcastic Harvey says that Jim’s taught him a thing or two about being careful.

Jim and Eduardo lapse into military jargon – talking about the mission plan. Eduardo says that they’re helping Walker (the woman Jim’s been talking to on the radio). They’ve to make this hellhole safe.

Jim, disgruntled, comments that all it apparently took for them to be sent help was the murder of hundreds. Eduardo says they’ve to remove all criminal elements and make the city safe. He introduces his second in command, who hands Jim a ledger they’ve found. On it – we see Ed’s name against two RPGs.

Jim turns to Harvey. He and Eduardo will go after Ed. Harvey is to set up a command centre at GCPD. Harvey protests.

I’m not as fast as I used to be, but I still got some fight in me. I’m not some desk jockey – I’m a street guy

Jim says Harvey’s the best cop he knows. Ed tends to think ahead. If this goes sideways, Harvey will need to take over.

I need your help buddy

Harvey nods.

GCPD where Bruce runs into Alfred. Alfred tells him Jim isn’t there – they’ve got a strong lead in the Haven bombing. He asks Bruce what’s wrong.

Bruce tells him worriedly that he can’t find Selina anywhere. Alfred replies that Selina is capable of looking after herself. Bruce says that she’s not herself, though. Alfred pulls a face and tells him that Jeremiah deserved to die. A resentful and upset Bruce says that Jeremiah made Selina a murderer – just like Ra’s did him.

(An aside. Much like Alfred, I don’t really have a problem with Selina stabbing Jeremiah. But this is only one of many times this episode will get a bit forgetful. Selina was a murderer before she killed Jeremiah, Bruce. You were there when she shoved that guy out the window. Not that I really have any time for Alfred’s ex-army friend who stabbed him and robbed you – but Jeremiah wasn’t the first time she’s killed)

Alfred quibbles this, claiming that Ra’s goaded Bruce into murder, but Selina did what she did with open eyes

And you’ve got to learn to respect that son

Bruce wants to find her, though, and leaves – as Alfred watches.

(An aside - Eh. On one hand, yes – Selina can make her own decisions. She has autonomy. On the other hand – Selina did what she did while still struggling to cope with the trauma of Jeremiah shooting her. Alfred excusing Bruce but condemning Selina – even though he agrees Jeremiah needed to be removed – doesn’t really sit well with me. On top of all that – Selina’s endangered herself for Bruce on a number of occasions, gone out of her way to help him, in fact. She’s clearly not coping now – and leaving her to her own devices seems off to me.)

In the library, we see Ed listening to his blackout recordings. He howls with frustration, unable to establish a pattern.

It makes no sense!

He catches sight of himself in a nearby mirror

You're not a murderer, Ed. Except Kristin Kringle, and Officer Doherty.

He goes on

But all those people. And children. How could you do it? Why?

He roars

It doesn't matter – it’s you - not me

(An aside. This is really a bit of a mess. So. Am I to assume that Ed is being a massive hypocrite, and selectively editing his criminal record? Or am I to assume that Ed differentiates between murders committed by Ed and those committed by The Riddler? Maybe, that doesn’t really work here – since some of these were committed before he discovered that persona. Besides – wasn’t one of the features of his ‘becoming’ his personalities becoming fused? Or are the writers choosing to forget some of Ed’s other murders? Who knows.)

Hearing a sound, he turns. It’s Jim and Eduardo – who have arrived to arrest him. He holds his hands up defensively.

No - Jim - I can explain

Jim is taken aback.

Explain? You son of a bitch - you actually did it?

(Interesting. Although Ed’s name was in the ledger, Jim doesn’t seem to have thought that Ed was truly responsible – or didn’t want to believe it might be true.)

Eduardo tells Ed to get on his knees. That’s three Eds in this show now – not counting Ed’s many personalities. For reference, if they’re all ever in the same scene, the dog is Ed1, the lanky green one is Ed2, and beardy army guy is Ed3.

Ed protests, and says he didn't – but he needs a little bit of time

Eduardo is still pointing his gun – and tells Jim to just say the word.

Ed pleads. You know me, Jim. People that I have...hurt - they hurt me first

(Eh? There are multiple gif sets going around which show how ridiculous this remark is. Ed’s hurt plenty of people just because he wanted to.)

I didn't know a single person in Haven

Eduardo glances at Jim

Your call, buddy – he basically confessed

Ed watches carefully as Jim thinks and then decides,

Bring him in – he stands trial

We’re saying this again? What kind of court will this be? Who is the judge? Lawyers? Jury?

Ed isn’t enthused by this. He touches a book from the bookcase. Eduardo is apparently standing on pressure-plated ied. One twitch, and he’ll repaint the room with his organs. He smiles.

Jim points his gun. But apparently Ed has also devised some sort of watch that monitors changes in Ed’s heart rate if it deviates by more than 10 bpm up or down, and can cause an explosion - if necessary - from as far as a mile away. Whatever. Apparently, in a fit of sexual frustration after his recent contact with Lucius, Ed sublimated his lustful stirrings into an inventing binge.

Ed and Jim try and stare each other out a bit. Jim says Ed will be a target once news of his guilt gets out. Eduardo says he thinks Ed’s threats are bluffs. Jim says Ed doesn’t bluff. Well – there was the time with all the cops and the poison gas that turned out just to be sleeping gas, but - hey. This episode is having severe difficulties remembering details, storyline, characterisation….take your pick.

Jim lets Ed leave. Summarising because this recap is lengthy – Jim uses his cat-like reflexes to leap across the room and finds the right book to free Eduardo – whose whole take on the puzzle is that he’d like

to wring this nerd’s neck

Jim gives him a welcome to Gotham. Wanting to wring Ed’s neck is just part and parcel of visiting. He adds that the city grows on you, before contacting Harvey and telling him to put the word out: Ed is wanted for the attack on Haven

Bruce strides into Sirens, looking for Selina. A fairly happy-looking Barbara leads him towards a booth. With a flourish, she tells the crowd to raise their glasses for the killer of Jeremiah Valeska. The crowd parts, and we see Selina sitting in a booth with a group of girls. Is this the booth of Bruce’s downward spiral? Is this the ‘I am having a long dark night of the soul’ booth? Do you have to book ahead?

Selina raises her glass, but her smile is more ironic than anything else.

(An aside. Barbara seemed happy. It's hard to say whether having the killer of Jeremiah Valeska at her club is bring extra cachet, whether her one-night stand with Jim brought her some closure and happiness, or whether she and Jim are still having sex and she’s pleased about this.)

In some abandoned building, we hear a radio send out the message about Ed being wanted by the police.

A tall skinny man wearing a green suit and eyeglasses

They left out his BritPop hair.

Outside an angry mob gathers and chants. We see Ed hiding from them, before slipping off.

At City Hall, Oswald stands, flanked by his henchmen, as a visitor opens a box for him. Whatever it is seems to make him happy – and he pays the man 200 bullets in return – telling him to go have fun and keep up the good work.

As the man leaves – Oswald is brought a message

He reads aloud

Edward Nygma is the monster responsible for killing the innocents of Haven

Oswald looks incredulous for a moment, and then worried – wondering aloud,

Ed…what have you done?

The mob from earlier runs past. Ed hides – but is walloped on the side of the head.

GCPD. Eduardo tells Jim they’re pushing uptown – but there’s still no Nygma. He’s confident they’ll get him though. He then asks Jim to tell him about Scarecrow. Jim says his guys would need gasmasks – but taking him down would be a big one.

We’re on a sort of rural street. We pan up Ed’s body. I own those boots. He’s unconscious and tied to some kind of deck chair.

An older blonde woman leans in towards his face.

Time to wake up!

Forgive me – American readers. I can only tell that she sounds Southern, which I know isn’t very specific.

She tells Ed she’s the woman who will carry out his execution, along with her two boys – two men, who are sitting in a truck parked facing Ed.

They’ve basically created a makeshift electric chair. There’s a lot of whooping and laughing as they give Ed a tester jolt. He yells in pain, gasping when they stop.

The woman tells him that was only a taste. It’s fair that Ed should die to pay for JoJo, who was in Haven when Ed blew it up.

She holds up a photograph. Ed seems afraid to look at it – then bursts into laughter when he sees it’s a dog. For good measure – he calls the woman an anthropomorphizing nincompoop when she claimed that JoJo was happy and smiled often.

They give him another burst of electricity. Ed hallucinates – seeing a spiteful Oswald telling him

I'm going to fix you, Ed

Ed blinks – confused. They jolt him again. This time he sees a sincere Oswald, repeating the same phrase.

Everything stops when there’s some kind of fault with the electricity. Ed quickly spots a way to trick them and escape. In doing so – one of the men’s legs catch fire. As Ed runs off, he declares that he’ll fix Oswald.

At City Hall, we hear distant explosions. One of Oswald’s henchmen tells him that the army has invaded and men are heading this way. Oswald asks him if Nygma has been located – to which the man replies he has feelers out. Oswald tells him the first man to find him gets to live.

Turning, he tells his dog he is surrounded by morons. If he didn’t have his empire – he’d go get Nygma himself

(An aside – it’s actually something that has been frustrating about Oswald in later seasons. Season One Oswald was very mobile. He moved around a lot: think of all the places we see him. Fish’s club, Gertrud’s apartment, GCPD, Jim and Barbara’s place, Maroni’s weird lodge, Falcone’s mansion, Loeb’s house…. It helped give a sense of how he had a finger in every pie, but also how much he truly inhabited the city. He was everywhere. But after they have him empire building – he becomes much more static. He’s usually stuck in a grand house or hall, and has to send other people out to do his bidding.)

He spots that the gun on his desk has gone. He turns – and now it’s pointing at his head

It’s Ed2

(Ed gets demoted if the dog is in the same scene)

Hello Oswald. We have a great deal to talk about. But first - did you name your dog after me?

(An aside. You know – that dog is sweet, but the naming decision feels like self-indulgent fic territory. Unpopular opinion, I know – but there it is.)

At GCPD, Harvey says Nygma’s been seen at City Hall – he’s going after Oswald. Eduardo says Oswald is at the top of their list – so this sounds like a twofer

Jim says Oswald has all the ammo in town – so they need shock and awe

Eduardo says that’s his default, and asks Jim if he’s ready to go.

Jim looks a little dubious, and tells him to take Harvey. He’ll keep things locked down here

(An aside – it’s possible that Jim does this because he wants to salve Harvey’s bruised ego from earlier, although sending him to City Hall with Eduardo to face a heavily-armoured and very irritated Oswald would seem to be a bit of an over-correction of that earlier moment. It is amusing to consider, though, that Jim did not want Eduardo to witness what would likely have happened at City Hall if Jim had gone instead – i.e. Oswald wheedling his way out of a visit to the precinct, Jim telling Oswald to please be good this time, and then some emotionally vulnerable and sexually charged staring.)

At Sirens, a flippant Selina tells a serious-faced Bruce he’s killing the buzz. Bruce tells her this isn’t her. Selina smiles, and asks Bruce if he really thinks he knows her. He solemnly tells her better than she knows herself.

Selina smiles. She tells Bruce that the night his parents were murdered she watched it all and did nothing.

Her eyes fill

She says she watched

That guy shoot your father and shoot your mother and through it all - I did nothing

She lets out a laugh that turns into a sob

I didn't call for help. I didn’t scream at him to stop

Bruce tells her it wasn’t her fault – she was a scared kid. Selina tells Bruce he was the scared kid.

Bruce has teared up now too. She continues

We are not the same. I didn't do anything because I was not willing to risk my neck - because I didn’t care. That's who I was and that's who I am

A different song starts playing. Selina puts on a faux-smile and says she loves this song. A tearful Bruce watches her walk away.

Back at City Hall, an irate Ed is questioning a confused Oswald.

What did you do?

What are you talking about?

Ed is insistent

You! You are the reason I killed those people! How could you? You have made me some murderous puppet!

(Just a reminder here that when Ed found a seriously injured and traumatised Oswald in the woods, he took him home, injected him with God knows what, told him he had no option but to stay there, and rubbed his hands with glee when he figured out the best way to manipulate him to his own ends – which was through his grief for his murdered mother. You know, just while the story is touching on stuff like taking away someone’s agency, and using them for your own selfish ends.)

Ed rants that he’s spent weeks waking up strange places - driving himself mad, thinking he’d gone mad - now he knows that it’s all been Oswald’s doing

Of everything that you have put me through - this is the most cruel

(Just another reminder that - you know, while we’re discussing cruelty – Ed tried to drive Oswald insane, dug up his father’s remains, humiliated him, attempted to demonstrate that he wasn’t capable of love (so – you know – tried to completely dehumanise him), and then shot him in the gut and pushed him off the end of the pier. Just, you know, in case we’re looking for some kind of gold standard for cruelty).

Oswald blinks in confusion, and tells Ed that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Ed quotes the ‘I’ll fix you’ from his hallucination. He goes on – telling Oswald he didn’t fix him: he broke him

Realisation dawns on Oswald’s face.

Wait - I said that to you on the night the bridges blew!

He tells Ed that he saved his life. He found him and paid Hugo Strange to save him – but Hugo must have done something when he was patching him up.

Ed is incredulous. Oswald is indignant – asking him what he was supposed to do? After Butch, Ed was his only friend. Ed exclaims that he shot Butch, to which Oswald retorts that’s why he needed Ed alive.

Oswald is frustrated. He sighs and turns to him

Edward Nygma - if I wanted you to suffer, I would never do it in some backhanded way. If we are ever at odds again, you will know without a doubt that I am your enemy. I promise you that, as a friend.

(An aside. I have made no bones about the fact I’ve found just about everything they’ve done with this relationship over the seasons to be utterly forced - clunky and leaden. If anything ever exemplifies a lot of what I don’t like about it, it’s that moment just there. Compare how natural and nuanced almost any other interaction in this episode was in comparison with this moment. It’s self-indulgent and melodramatic in a manner usually reserved for bad fanfiction. Bear it in mind particularly when we get that lovely scene later with Bruce and Harvey, and compare the two.)

Ed considers him for a moment, then yells

What a mess! I might have killed you, Oswald. And if that day comes, I swear to you that I will stare you in the eye as I stab you in the heart.

We already saw that, Ed. Back when you shot him in the gut

Oswald nods tearfully

(An aside, something else I hate about what they’ve done with this – insta-woobie ooc Oswald)

Oswald tells him to look on the bright side. If Strange messed with his head, then Ed’s not responsible for what happened. Ed asks where to find Hugo – but the conversation is interrupted by an explosion.

One of Oswald’s men tells him that GCPD and the army have blown the gates

Oswald whispers to him

Grab Nygma - they want him, not me

(An aside – the speed with which Oswald is willing to sell Ed out is honestly hilarious)

Ed – however – has legged it, leaving a fulminating Oswald behind.

The doors to the main hall are blown open, and a smoke bomb is rolled on. Harvey and Eduardo enter. Oswald waits amidst all the smoke – probably for the drama more than anything

Why hello Harvey!

He teases him about the ammo situation last time. Harvey tells him they don’t want his territory. They want him to put down his weapons and hand over Ed Nygma.

The situation, I think, is now more about Oswald being pissed that his turf has been invaded than anything else. He tells them to leave by the time he counts to three, or he’ll shoot everyone.

Harvey stands his ground.

Oswald smiles

You’re not thinking clearly, Harvey. Maybe call your boss - see what he thinks

(An aside – Oswald is so offended that he’s even having to look at someone from GCPD who isn’t Jim. Ugh. This day just gets worse. Funnier yet is his conviction that Jim will tell Harvey to come back to GCPD and stop bothering him)

There’s a staring match. Oswald’s men all wind up shot, and Oswald is taken in to GCPD.

Ed is in Sirens - on his knees in front of Barbara. She tells him all Gotham is looking for him

He replies that he needs information – your speciality

(An aside. What? Since, like - when? When did information become Barbara’s speciality? I know she likes power and money. She’s also fond of violence and casual cruelty. But information? When was that supposed to have happened?)

Barbara says she’s going to cut his face into a jigsaw puzzle. Ed urgently asks her if he’s dumb. If – in all the years she’s known him – he’d ever done anything as brutally idiotic as this. He didn’t kill those people.

Well…. not exactly.

Barbara dismisses her guards. Ed tells her about Hugo Strange’s involvement, and how he suspects mind control. Whoever is responsible for the mind control killed those people, not him

Barbara says if by some miracle she believes him – why would she help?

Ed piques her curiosity by wondering what kind of powerful person would hire Strange and have Ed adapted in this way. He says that Barbara must know where Hugo is, and when he finds out who was responsible for the chip – he’ll share the intel. She’ll want to know, because, after all

Information is your lifeblood

Sure, whatever.

Barbara doesn’t know precisely where Hugo is, but can direct him to his Igors.

An interrogation room in GCPD. Oswald lies on his front on the floor, his lip bleeding. He looks up at Jim, who is apparently watching, and his face twists for a moment into a combination of pain and an appeal for help

For his part, Jim looks troubled. He’s not enjoying this – in fact, I would go so far as to say it looks like he can’t stomach it – but he’s tolerating it.

Jim replies to his pained look

You’re protecting a mass murderer - don't look to me for sympathy

(An aside. Yes – I ship this, but even with shipper glasses off – it’s pretty much there in the text. Oswald knows that he can appeal to Jim for sympathy. In responding to his look as he does, Jim is openly acknowledging that he would usually be a source of sympathy for Oswald. It’s an admission from them both that there are dimensions to their relationship that go well beyond cop/gangster and – more than that – an admission that they’re both aware of that)

Oswald spits blood

Fine. But not with that meat head around

Jim nods, and Eduardo leaves

Oswald laughs and rises from the floor

You know – they say you can judge man by the company he keeps

Jim retorts

This from a man who has no friends

(An aside – that sounds meaner than it actually played. It’s delivered in that slightly schoolyard tone Jim reserves for teasing Oswald – it’s not earnest or cruel. Also – as we’ve seen this season, just saw in this scene, and will see again in a moment – it’s just not true. Jim and Oswald have a relationship beyond work.

On top of that, you know – Jim – if not for the fact that Harvey is an extraordinarily forgiving man, your own friend list would have tumbleweeds blowing through it.)

Jim and Oswald take a moment to give each other a long, complicated look. This scene is full of long complicated looks. Neither of them particularly want to be in this situation, but their hands have been forced.

Oswald tells Jim that Nygma is a patsy, not a mass murderer. He likes puzzles, games, killing – but killing hundreds of people – that’s not him, Jim knows this.

Jim asks who set him up

Oswald laughs, and leans back in his chair.

Jim - you want info, I want to go home

Jim grimaces.

Eduardo’s not going to go for that.

Oswald smiles before pressing Jim’s button

I'm sorry – I thought you were in charge

Jim grimaces angrily and leans on the table

Even if I were to let you go – the army is going to come after you: things are changing in Gotham

I'll take my chances

Jim blinks. He seems, to be honest, tired and uncertain.

Do you want Nygma or not?

Jim looks at him, and then glances sidelong at where Eduardo waits outside.

Jim leaves the interrogation room and talks to Eduardo

I know where Nygma’s going

Eduardo looks at him, then past him, nudging the door to let it swing open – revealing an empty room. He looks back at Jim

I trust you know what you’re doing?

They leave to go find Ed

(An aside. Quite a complicated little scene. Neither Jim nor Oswald want to be in that room – but external forces have shoved them in there anyway.

There’s a lot of history in the looks that are going back and forth. Like I said, we have the explicit acknowledgment that Jim is likely to offer Oswald sympathy when others won’t. We also have the open admittance that Jim knows Oswald sees him as a soft touch, and that he will likely give in anyway – just not in this particular circumstance, because the destruction of Haven was such a big deal.

Oswald also knows that pressing Jim’s buttons over control and power is likely to be effective.

Last up – we have Jim obliquely warning Oswald of the danger the army poses to him. He’s not threatening him here, or trying to intimidate him. If anything, his tone is almost pleading. He doesn’t know how handle this situation. He’s asked for help – and help has finally arrived – but Jim’s not actually sure what to do with it now it’s here. Eduardo plainly told Jim that Oswald was at the top of their hit list. Jim’s response? Let him go, warn him that danger is coming.)

In some lab facility somewhere, a body slides down a hatch.

It’s Hugo!

He’s complaining that the last body he was brought was gangrenous and completely unsuitable. When he turns, though, he sees Ed pointing a gun at him

Mr Nygma

Ed want to know how he control of his alter ego. He’s rambling a little, talking about his Ed side.

A curious Hugo remarks that he is Ed Nygma.

Ed says he’s also the Riddler.

Hugo’s professional side makes a rare appearance

How interesting

He adds, though, that he knows nothing about all that. He just tinkered and inserted a chip in his brain.

Ed wants to know who requested this. Hugo says he’ll write it down, so he can truthfully say that he didn’t tell Ed who was responsible. His pen, though, contains knock-out gas – which he sprays at Ed.

Hugo says that he’s mystified as to how Ed regained any awareness – and that he’ll just have to open him up and take a look under the roof.

Bruce is at GCPD looking for Jim. Instead, he finds Harvey, working at his desk

Sorry kid – it’s just me

He quickly takes in Bruce’s obvious distress, and takes his glasses off to regard him more carefully.

You all right?

Bruce says he’s fine – just looking for Jim. He remarks that he saw soldiers downstairs, trying to make some conversation – but still seeming distracted. Harvey watches him, concerned.

Yeah, the Army's finally gotten off their asses and decided to help. Jim's out with them now. Are you sure you're all right?

A tearful Bruce says that he doesn’t know. His usual careful defences crumble.

I see people losing their will to do good. People I love. What if we don't make it out of this?

Harvey looks at him. His face is sombre.

I'm not gonna lie, kid. These past few months, I've wondered the same thing. And when I don't know what to do, I come up here and I dig into these case files. I sit my ass down and I get to work. I used to hate this kind of paperwork; now it's the only thing that keeps me going. Why? Because the little things matter. Act by act, deed by deed, it means something. Even if no one notices or cares.

Bruce listens – taking in what he says

Thanks, Harvey.

He then does the classic Batman quick exit – leaving a slightly befuddled Harvey

(An aside - This scene between Bruce and Harvey was really lovely. Bruce is tired, upset, and worried about Selina. He's lost his conviction that things will work out, and everything looks hopeless to him right now. Harvey doesn't have the answer to any of that - but he does have an honest way to go on with things: do the work. It doesn't have to be showy and praised by all and sundry. Do something useful - and know that the deed itself and the results are both worthwhile.

It was an understated scene that still got across some very big issues.

There’s the flagging of some key differences between Jim and Harvey – Jim’s need to be seen as a hero, and Harvey not sharing that same concern. There’s also insight into how someone who is as fundamentally unhappy and alone as Harvey finds a meaningful way of living. There’s also how much Harvey has changed since we first met him.

It's sweet, too, that Bruce confides in him. They don't know each other well - but he's still been a constant. Equally sweet is how Harvey talks to him. He doesn’t coddle him, or just try to cheer him up in the way that Alfred or Jim might. He’s simply honest. No platitudes, and no inspirational speech. He tells Bruce he’s just as scared as he is, and then offers him a way to deal with his fear.

Now - compare that simple moment of compassion, all the subtleties and pathos, and all the meaning it holds with the yelling and stilted dialogue at City Hall with Ed and Oswald. The difference is glaring.)

Hugo has top of Ed's skull off – pretty much like Hannibal tried to do to Will. According to Hugo, the gas he used on Ed immobilised him – but he can still feel pain. A simple reboot will fix the problem, though.

A City Hall, Oswald carries his dog along to a hatch in the floor. He carefully descends a ladder, still carrying him, and turns on a light. It’s a massive vault – full of gold and money and shiny things.

He smiles and tells the dog that the time has come for a change of scenery

I’ve said this for ages, sweetie. You’ve got all that crime money. Buy yourself a flat in Paris, another in Berlin. Florence, Athens, Barcelona…. go for it.

Back in the lab. Hugo says the electric charge must have overloaded the chip – but he’d fixed it. He will pass the good news to his handler. His smiles disappears when he realises that a gun is being held to his head.

He protests. He’s just helping a man who needs medical attention! Hugo is vile – but BD Wong is fantastic.

Jim walks round Hugo to look at Ed, whose eyes are open. Hugo petulantly says he gave him biomedical anaesthesia – and brings him round.

Ed screams in pain and then immediately protests his innocence

I told you wasn't me!

Jim tells Hugo to talk. He says a contract came along, and developed a tool – gesturing to Ed, who is indignant.

How dare you

Eduardo contacts one of his men and tells him to escort Hugo out. He leaves with a ta ta

He smirks at an incredulous Jim

Sorry pal - this part of the op is need to know

Apparently Walker – the woman Jim has been talking to one the radio – wants Ed taken out now.

Jim is puzzled – asking if Walker is behind this - controlling Nygma

Eduardo shrugs that he hates the spooks crap. He just follows orders

Jim mentions Haven – reeling from the idea that Walker might have been behind it.

Eduardo says Jim is to put a bullet in Ed's brain

Jim replies with a flat no

Eduardo tells him to call it proof of loyalty - what Walker needs to see from him before she implements the relief plan. He tries to persuade him

Look at him. He's a loon. A cop-killer.

(An aside – the strong feeling we’re getting from Jim at this point is ‘yeah – but he’s my loon’ – in the same way that this is his screwed-up home, and his tyrannical gangster. I suspect this storyline might have lasted longer had the season not been truncated – and we’d have seen Jim gradually pull away from Eduardo, the man he thought was his friend, to acknowledge that he belongs to Gotham, and has emotional ties there that he’s not willing to break.)

Jim just wants the truth: did Walker destroy Haven?

Eduardo tells him ours is not to reason why – and says this is his chance to be part of the plan.

He adds that if Jim can’t pull the trigger on Ed – I’ll pull it on you

Jim stares

You’d kill me for some bureaucrat?

Eduardo is unperturbed. There’s really not one thought rattling around in that big beardy head of his

Mission comes first - you taught me that. What's your answer?

Jim says he saved his life one too many times. He feints putting his gun down, and then runs and escapes down the hatch in the wall we saw earlier. Wheeee!

Eduardo presses a button, and orders EdBot to find Jim and kill him

EdBot immediately complies, and also goes wheeeeee down the chute.

Eduardo watches him go – secretly envious that his orders apparently don’t allow him to go wheeee too.

Aha – so this is where that absurdly beautiful image of Jeremiah came from. He’s lying down, eyes shut, in some kind of cave. We see a rock pulled aside by Ecco

Boss - wake up

Jeremiah winces as he sits up. Ecco asks sympathetically if the stitches are still sore, and tells him he should have worn the armour she made.

Jeremiah curls his lip contemptuously, and tells her the bullet is making her sentimental – she should gave it a shake. Ecco obligingly does so – and nods excitedly when he asks her if that’s better.

He tells her he had to let Selina stab him once - verisimilitude trumps precautions. Ecco nods – and says Bruce and Selina had to think he was dead. Jeremiah rolls his eyes at her summary, and comments impatiently that he takes it she has news. She replies that it’s all systems go, and they head out.

(I suppose this is essentially canon, but – wow, does Jeremiah treat his ‘girlfriend’ with contempt).

Is Jeremiah in Wayne Manor? He addresses a man in a white coat, telling the dr he’s hearing good things. The doctor tells him his assistant thought he’d like to see the results.

Jeremiah is wide-eyed as he approaches two people we can only see from behind – who look, as best as memory serves, to be Bruce's parents.

Jeremiah laughs for a second, then opens his eyes wide – and tells them they look beautiful

I just love family reunions - don't you?

Jeremiah, confronted with the problem of what gift you can buy for your billionaire crush who likely has everything, has seemingly got very creative and cloned his dead parents.

General Observations

Jim is doing a classic Jim. He's been unhappy about the situation in the city for weeks – pleading for help. But now that official help of a sort has shown up - the kind Jim should want, and should back, and should identify with - he's wobbling. He balks at the idea of shooting Ed. He had no interest in arresting Oswald, let alone any qualms about letting him go, and looked downright unhappy in the interrogation room. When push comes to shove, Jim has relationships with these people - whether he’ll acknowledge it or not

To analyse it more closely in terms of Jim's psychology - the army element plays a role too. He might talk about his time there fondly - but, ultimately, he chose to leave. When Barnes - who was father figure and army past combined - showed up, Jim barely waited until the end of his first episode before disobeying him to going off to see Oswald – leaning on their special relationship and warning him about the new regime.

He repeats that pattern again here. Jim might want to represent that kind of authority - but a part of him is always looking to buck it, too. It's part of the reason, I think, that he and Oswald are more likely to squabble during Oswald's particularly tyrannical phases.

And all of that disquiet is even before we find out that Walker is likely corrupt and dreadful.

The whole thing with Ed. Eh. I know what they’re trying to do here. The problem, for me, is that it’s not really outside the bounds of possibility that Ed could knowingly have destroyed Haven. Sure – the whole affair would have been showier, and Ed would have made some kind of speech beforehand – but still. Ed - and Barbara – actually, both watched from a high window while Gotham tore itself apart under the Tetch virus. Neither of them flinched at what they saw.

It’s weird – because you don’t need to downplay Ed’s capacity for sadistic violence in order to also entertain the notion that part of him might be horrified by it. That, after all, is a crucial part of his characterisation: that he is frequently fractured, with various facets of his personality more or less dominant. In season one, we saw that certain aspects of his personality were almost completely suppressed. Later, we saw the season one version of him humiliated and berated by darker aspects of his personality, as well as horrified by what it had him do when it ‘took over’.

So – you can have your cake and eat it really – you can have a character who is capable of dreadful things, as well as the tragedy that some drowned part of him is horrified and disgusted by what he has done, and simply endures it with no ability to speak up. That would work with Ed’s extreme rage and fear at the loss of control he’s been enduring.

What doesn’t work, though, is retconning him to be a better person than he is. I’ve watched Ed torture because he enjoyed it. Kill because he felt like it. I’m not entirely sure I buy that he’d be horrified by what happened to Haven.

Miscellaneous

I have no idea whether Selina knows about Tabitha yet. She must – it makes no sense that she wouldn’t – but there was no indication of her reaction to that.

Similarly – I don’t really understand why no-one has said a word about Lee yet. I’m guessing it’s because we’re simply not ‘there’ yet in the story – but it makes no logical sense.

Alfred said a lot that was true about respecting Selina’s decision, but – ultimately- his advice to leave Selina alone simply comes off as callous.

Lucius must have had a day off today.

#gotham commentary #pena dura #gotham s5e05

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mpregspecialist-blog · 5 years

Text

THE REMINDER Tommy Shelby Mpreg. Chapter 1.

Chapter One

WARNING - Description of rape

"You fucking STAY there"

Tommy rolled his eyes. what did this freak want. This giant hair bearded man. standing across from him in the gym changing room.. he must have been waiting till Tommy sent everyone home. how long had be been in here ?

"I-" Tommy began

"Not a fucking word princess" the giant snapped

Tommy raised his eyebrows.. Fucking PRINCESS? who is this fool?

Tommy took a chance to glance off the man to look toward to door. He had no gun, just a small knife. Which he didn't fancy chancing with this guy. He wasn't worried.. just some crazed loon who wanted a word he could knock him out easy.

In the moment it took Tommy to glance away, the giant lunged toward him, almost in a craze, grabbing the his throat and pinning his whole body under him on the floor. It all happened so fast. . Tommy had been too cocky, let his guard down. He punched Tommy in the face, flipped him over in the confusion and roughly tied Tommys hands behind his back with a thick course rope.

"OI YOU BASTARD! GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU CUNT!" Tommy roared, his voice hoarse from being pinned. "DO YOU KNOW KNOW WHO I AM ? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?" Tommy demanded

The older man grabbed tommys hair and forced him up to look into the mirror on the wall. Tommy winced and couldn't break free no matter how hard he shifted and tried.

"I" the giant started "I, am you're worst fucking nightmare, I've been watching you for years... you're fucking gorgeous lad"

Tommy suddenly froze, he became insanely uncomfortable, an extremely dark bad feeling filled the pit of his stomach.

The giant continued to speak. this time running a knife down Tommys right cheek with his free hand, "Look at that face... fucking beauty. fucking dirty whore"

"Let me the FUCK go, I have more than one nightmare for you.. I'll take your fucking eyes out !" Tommy growled calmly

The giant laughed " who's the other nightmare then.. you sent them home you twat"

The giant swiftly bounced Tommy's head off the mirror leaving a small crack. Before dragging him back to the floor by his hair.

Blood ran down Tommy's face, "GET THE FUCK OF MAYYY!" Tommy screamed hoarsely as he was forced to his knees, face pressed roughly into the bench in front of him.

The giant showed no signs of slowing down "You're gonna take this like a fuckin champ! Do you understand me?! "

Suddenly Tommy realised what was going to happen, what he was trying to do. He suddenly had absolutely no way of defending himself and for one of the very few times in his life he was terrified.

The giant roughly tore down Tommys trousers, snarling as he did so. " YOU KNOW WHAT I HEAR ? "

Tommy stayed silent, head spinning from the punch and knock to the mirror.

"I hear you lot go out and rape young girls.. use prostitutes. this is no way to respect ladies" he continued, shaking his head

"wh.. what the fuck are you talking about." Tommy replied almost trembling as he spoke

"I don't know I'm fucking nuts , but it wouldn't surprise me.. you lot thinking you're in charge.. PA-THETIC" he spat

"Get the fuck off me I'm Tommy fucking shelby!" Tommy pleaded

The giant laughed "Hey now , I'm supposed to be shouting your name mate"

Tommy tried with all his strength to free himself from the man's grasp. but he couldn't do it. the road tearing skin from around his wrists, nobody could hear him. they weren't supposed to see him for a couple of hours.

Tommy heard what sounded like oil being poured from a small bottle. then hands being rubbed together. Tommy fought one last time to escape, he struggled and kicked out. All this earned him was the giant once again grabbing his hair and smashing his head into the bench.

Tommy went limp for a moment before steadying himself again. His knees were hurting from the solid floor. Before Tommy even had a chance to think of another way to escape, the giant interupted his thoughts.

"My names Ricky. and you are my bitch"

Tommy suddenly cried out in pain as a massive erection was forced inside him. "AAAHHH!. Aaaahhhhh" Tommy found himself sobbing, he had no control over it. he couldn't even wipe the fucking tears off his face.

"Uggghhh.. fuck me yes.. fuck fuck.. baby. baby take it."

"FUCKING GET OUT OF ME ! " Tommy yelled

no response

"I'LL FUCKING PAY YOU .. WHAT DO YOU WANT ?!" Tommy begged

"Oh no sunshine I'm not done till you're done" Tommy felt sick with terror when he realised this cunt was aiming for.

"I'm gonna make you cum " Ricky said in a stone cold tone

"not .. fucking. . LIKELY !" Tommy screamed back between each fuck

The older man slammed into him over and over. Tommy had fallen silent. He was out of his own body as if he was watching it happen. It burned but each brush of his prostate forced his erection to grow. Tommy was so disgusted he could feel the vomit rising into his throat.. he wasn't aroused. All his senses were firing off at once as the burning hot anger and humiliation filled his chest. breathing through gritted teeth as he used everything in his power not to have an orgasm.

"Oh don't do this to me" the giant man said, breaking the silence, almost pleading "come on we will just have to keep going and going until I get what I came for"

Tommy stayed in silence, his body limp. eyes half open "you won't get anything from me" he mumbled

"UGH" Ricky called out, suddenly changing angle. Jabbing straight into his prostate hard. And rather unexpectedly to Ricky, he finally felt tommys asshole begin to pulsate around his COCK.

"Oh baby cum for daddy" Ricky gasped

Tommy was still desperatly trying to hold his orgasm off. He was completey out of control of his own body.

Ricky tried a trick, wrapped a hand around tommys tummy, pressing his hand over tommys full bladder. which forced tommys orgasm to imediately take hold, and strong, as his bladder contracted along with his genitals.

"Don't go yet" Ricky pleaded creepily, meaning Tommys bladder

After what seemed like eternity for both men, Tommys body forced out a single noise as he was forced to cum all over the floor. His load shot out hitting the floor hard. He was cumming harder than he ever had before. Lasting longer than hed ever experienced. Tommy couldn't surpress the moan that escaped as the man rubbed his finger tips around to massage the the full blader, Tommy still trying hard to hold on to its contents.

Ricky groaned deeply as he proceeded to fill Tommy with his load. It was then that Tommy lost control, releasing his full bladder all over the floor surrounding their knee's. Almost thinking it would get the man away from him.

"I told you not to go!" the man barked. Slapping tommys ass so hard it bruised.

Tommy... horrified and humiliated. froze. the older man pulled out. slapped his bare ass once more and heald a gun to his head. "Good luck." Ricky said laughing "Clean yourself up you slut." He snarled before leaving him.

Tommy didn't even watch the man leave. He was sore, broken and absolutely horrified. He was utterly humiliated. angry.. confused. His shut down body proceeded to roar, over and over for the next 10 minutes.

He managed to get himself up. Wincing at the burn as he tried to straighten himself. He fumbled into the closest shower, threw up twice. He stayed in there for 20 minutes, letting the water wash over him.

He'd been fucking raped.

He hurriedly but clumsily dressed. Heading straight home

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hearts-upon-our-sleeves · 5 years

Text

Astraphobia - Part 2

Series Masterlist

Title: Astraphobia

Pairing: Mob!Tom Holland x Gardener!Reader with Astraphobia

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of sexual acts, illegal activities, murder, alcohol, panic attacks.

Summary: Astraphobia, also known as astrapophobia, brontophobia, keraunophobia, or tonitrophobia is an abnormal fear of thunder and lightning, a type of specific phobia. It is a treatable phobia that both humans and animals can develop. -Wikipedia

Chapter Summary: It rains unexpectedly and you have no one else.

A/N: This switches between Tom and You bc i want both sides told? Idk but I like it. Also super bad panic attack so ik it’s in the warning but heres a second warning.

Your chest was heavy, your lungs filled with fire as it tightened and loosened. Your fingers traced down your chest clutching your top, the coolness of your fingers and the fire of your chest met and left traces along your skin. Tears escaped your eyes as you shook leaving stains along your skin, your arms were around your knees hugging your chest as if there was nothing else in the world to hold. Your ears were pounding from the blood flow, and your eyes were blurred as the tears stung them like bees. Pins and needles traveled through your legs as you gripped them harder.

It wasn’t supposed to be today, you’d read the news it said no rain for the next week. Yet here you were sat in your shop trembling in fear of the monster storm outside. You tried breathing exercises but nothing had been helping, so you stuck your fingers in your ears and you sat and cried trying to get over the strikes you heard outside.

“T-trees are the longest living organisms on earth. Plants can feel, smell, and remember.” You repeated facts to yourself to distract yourself, and the only thing you could recite by heart were plant facts. Your fingers remained planted in your ears as you rocked back and forth praying that this storm would end soon.

---

“Where the fuck is my money Holmes? Because all I see here is you buying brand new cars yet not being able to pay me back. You know what that’ll get you? A fucking bullet through your sad little brain.” Tom said as he pulled a gun from his desk drawer and aimed it in between Holmes brows. Tom saw the man flinch and soon he was on his knees begging for his life.

“Get up, you’re pathetic.” Tom moved his gun upwards and soon the man followed. Tom went to pull the trigger when a strike of lightning boomed through the cold office and for a second he thought back two weeks to the thought of you. He thought about you and how you’d see his lifestyle, and lowered the gun. Tom rolled his eyes and pointed to the door.

“I want the money by noon tomorrow or i’ll make sure you go down straight to hell.” Tom boomed as the man thanked him and rushed out of the door. Tom sat down in his chair and put his gun own questioning why he didn’t kill him. Then he thought to you and why when he thought of you he turned soft. He needed to get you out if his head, why should he go after a girl who clearly hated him, but why did look back at the time you patched him up after a fight and smile. How you looked him in the eyes that night and asked if he was ok. How the peroxide burned yet all he could think about was you touching him. Tom looked to the window, you probably loved storms, he thought you’d enjoy not having to water your plants, how you’d stare at the storm and feel relaxed. But that’s just what he thought and he needed to stop, he needed to stop thinking about you, even though you were a ray of light in the darkest storm.

Tom was still lost in thought when Harrison walked in. Harrison fully expected to walk in to see a dead man on the floor not his best mate staring out the window lost in thought.

“Mate what the hell? I thought you’d finish that bloke he was an ass.” Harrison shook Tom out of his trance. The brunette looked over to his mate with a huff and a smirk.

“Wasn’t worth a bullet.” Tom shrugged and sat at his desk pulling up the money he had just been sent.

“Yeah,” Harrison paused with a smile, “I don’t think it’s that.”

“What are you on about this time?” Tom groaned and leaned back into his chair as Harrison sat on the desk.

“You are hung up over that flower shop girl aren’t you?” Harrison laughed as Tom scoffed. Tom rolled his eyes, blew a piece of hair out of his face and smiled with thoughts of you. “How long have you even known her? Have you had an actual conversation other than her telling you to fuck off when you try to buy her shop?”

Tom thought for a moment. You two had known of each other for two years, he still remembers the first time he walked in. You were picking flowers for an old ladies bouquet. Tom still remembers the smile you gave when the lady left and he could’ve sworn that’s when he fell for you. Tom was still in his head when Harrison slapped his shoulder earning a punch to his stomach in return. “Mate? The hell?” Tom called as Harrison laughed and clutched his stomach.

“You need to stop thinking about her, she's making you soft and you can’t be soft mate. Come on get dressed lets go get some drinks and you a pretty looking girl for the night.” Harrison called as he walked out of Tom’s office, and Tom agreed, he did need to stop thinking about you. It was only going to be business, he needed your shop and he was going to get it.

---

The storm died down but that didn’t stop the fear rushing through your body. Your deep breathing turned to panting and all you saw was a white blur, you could taste the metallic taste of blood from you biting you inner cheek, and all you could hear was the pounding and rushing of blood in your ears.

You were on the verge of passing out and you knew you needed help. All of your family was hours away, and no one else had a key to your shop. Holy fuck you were going to have to ask Tom weren’t you? He had picked your lock two weeks ago and knew the lay out so he would understand if you said you were under the desk. The last time you called the hospital for help they charged you way more than you had and you were still paying the bill. You hated Tom, he wouldn’t come or even give a shit, all he wanted was your shop, there was no way he’d give a shit you were on the floor having the worst panic attack of your life.

“Calling him would be better than dying.” Your mind screamed. So with shaking hands you pulled out your phone and clicked on the icon, he’d given you his number in case you wanted to take on the offer of him buying his shop. You clicked on the call button and prayed you wouldn’t die.

---

Tom had been chatting up some blonde at one of the clubs he’d owned. She was pretty but nothing compared to you, Tom thought but ignored it, you’d never be his nor would you ever need him. Tom looked over to Harrison, he was knocking it off with every woman he set eyes on. Tom was about to knock another drink down when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Who ever called him was going to get it, the rule is to never call him when he’s clubbing or you die. It was an unknown number and he almost felt sorry for the poor schmuck who called him.

“Who the fuck is this?” Tom boomed into his phone but all he heard were soft cries and uneven breathing.

“T-tom-m.” Was all you were able to muster out but he instantly knew who it was and every ounce of worry ran through his body. He exited the club extremely fast, if you were hurt he’d kill any sorry son of a bitch who dared to even look at you.

“Hey love you gotta tell me where you are. I’ll be there ok are you hurt?” Tom walking in any direction he could trying to find you, he noticed your breathing was almost non existent.

“S-s-shop.” You dropped your phone and Tom started yelling in his, you couldn’t hold it up anymore. You started heaving and you knew if you didn’t calm down, you were going to pass out.

It didn’t take Tom long to run to your shop. He picked the lock as if it was the easiest thing in the world and called out your name running around looking for you until he hit the desk. He looked under it and saw you, you were hugging your knees tears permanently stained your face. Tom crawled under the desk and you instantly gripped onto him.

“Love you gotta tell me what happened.” Tom whispered loud enough for you to hear, but you didn’t need to tell him a thing, because at that instant the storm continued and the loudest strike rolled through and Tom knew when you screamed in horror. So he held you close and whispered sweet things in your ear to keep your mind off the monster outside, and for once you felt at home during a storm, right in Tom’s arms.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland mob au #tom holland x reader #tom holland spiderman #peter parker #peter parker imagine #mob au #mobster #gang au #flower shop au #harrison osterfield #tom and harrison #self instert #x reader #astraphobia #thunder and lightning #fears

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