#i kinda needed to reread my own poem
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How did the Haikyuu boys confess to you ? part 1
Part 1- Akaashi, Osamu, Bokuto, Kenma
A K A A S H I :
-A poem.
-But not in a cringe way in front of everyone like you did during the mother's day with your mother trying to encourage you because "The sky is blue, i love you" is not the maximum of the literature.
-(Sorry buddy)
-So you were colleagues and during one reunion you talked about your tastes in books and you found out it was similar.
-One day you decided to lend him a book he wanted to read and which you had at home.
-He thanked you and...your exchanges had started.
-But there was a strange thing.
-When you're lending something to someone.
-Like your grandma, or some book.
-You expect them to give it back to you.
(sorry granny)
-But not Akaashi.
-You tried giving him back the books he lent to you but he always had an excuse or telling you, you could him them until the next time you made an exchange and...
-And you have thirty of his books at your home.
-You didn't question why.
-But today.
-Sick.
-Bored.
-And alone.
-The question was here.
-Why ?
-So you decided to reread some of the books.
-Maybe he didn't like them ?
-But again one of them was his favorite with many his own notes on the pages.
-And-
-Wait.
-All those books had a common point.
-They had pinky words in it.
-It didn't make sense the first time you saw it because there was no annotation, it was like random word like a "a" that was highlight in pink.
-You decided to search them and wrote them in the order of when he lent you the books.
-Slowly you found a phrase.
-"A university degree, four books, and hundreds of articles and I still make mistakes when reading,
You write to me "good morning" and I read it as, "I love you"."
Mahmoud Darwish.
-You stared the quotation.
-And slowly smiled.
-Because you knew it was not a coincidence and you're the only one he lent his books.
-He did this for you.
-You took your phone and texted.
-"Good Morning Akaashi."
-And he replied.
-"Finally."
O S A M U :
-Classic he told you he hates you.
-...I-
-Maybe you need more context.
-So it was Valentine's Day.
-As the good chef he is, he decided to give you the most delicious handmade chocolates with a little note confessing his feelings.
-But Osamu forgot something in his equation.
-His twin.
-Twin who was happy to have a chocolate from Osamu this year, because usually he didn't make anything for him.
-Usually, Osamu only gave chocolates to their mother.
-So yes, when he saw three bags of chocolate, he took the prettiest because he only deserves the best.
-Yes.
-In fact Osamu did bake chocolates for Atsumu.
-With liquor in it.
-To burn his throat.
-And with the inscriptions "I hate you" on it because he burnt his kitchen last month.
-So imagine the surprise when you opened the chocolates Osamu gave you and you found this.
-Osamu waited all the day.
-To have your answer.
-When he saw his brother with a big smile.
-"Ya know, your chocolates were cool 'Samu. Kinda like the praline one."
-Shook.
-Anger.
-And maybe disown his brother.
-Was what he was thinking at this moment.
-Because the praline was your chocolate.
-So he understood you received the most horrendous chocolates while his brother had yours.
-And now...you're thinking he hates you.
-He ignored the fake blond and called you quickly.
-But when your answer, he couldn't talk.
-"I'M SO SORRY OSAMU ! I mean, I... I should have apologized before. And I'm sorry I make you feel so uneasy with my act. I...I shouldn't look so intensely at your pectorals during all the match, but I- You...you're pretty and I had a crush and it's absolutely not an excuse to stare at someone. I'm so sorry I'm making you uncomfortable." you said quickly.
-Osamu froze up.
-"...wait- you...gaze at my pectorals?", he asked.
-"Yeah...is...is that not why you hate me ?", you stammered.
-"I- No, oh my god." He laughed."The chocolates you had were meant for Atsumu but he exchanged the bags and stole yours."
-"Oh."
-"So you like my pecs ?"
-"Osamu, can we forget about-"
-"I like you too."
-"Oh."
-"So stare at them next time we go on a date, is okay for you?"
-"I rather stare at your face honestly."
-"And I rather stare at your lips." he said, smirking.
-"You..."
-"Bye Y/N" He hung up with a smile.
B O K U T O :
-His grandma did it.
-So we know Bokuto can be clumsy.
-After a meeting with you, he had to share with someone how amazing you are, how he loves you and...
-"BRO I LOVE Y/N SO MUCH ! I WANT TO MARRY THEM"
-It was for Kuroo.
-But he sent it to his grandma.
-And it could end here.
-Like the grandma answered "Bo, darling you sent it to the wrong person."
-Yes but it was not the case.
-Because his grandma, Jacqueline, knew a Y/N, who was her neighbor.
-And Jacqueline was bored.
-Her zumba classes was cancelled and she had an argument with her best friend and sadly after this her bestie had a heart attack so she didn't have any best friend now to distract her.
-So guess what could entertain her?
-The love life of his grandson.
-So she baked some cookies and suddenly "realized" she didn't have any sugar.
-Guess who she could ask help?
-You.
-She waited for you going back to your home.
-And knocked at your door with her innocent face.
-You answered that of course you have sugar.
-She thanked you and asked if you wanted to bake with her because her poor hands were too weak to mix up some ingredients.
(She was not weak at all, she went to the gym every day and could lift up your dad AND mom together just with her arms)
-You said yes, because you're a kind person.
-Or maybe you can't say no when someone asks you something.
(go see a therapist Y/N, you need to say no sometimes)
-You ended up at her house.
-And when you asked how many eggs you needed, she told you to look on her phone.
-Guess what was on the phone.
-The text of Bokuto.
-You ended up blushing.
-You apologized and said you had some emergency and...
-And you called Bokuto to confess and told him the story.
-...he thought it was coincidence.
-But Jacqueline knew the truth.
-She was a perfect match maker.
-Maybe she could open a business with her fake meetings cookies.
K E N M A :
-You almost killed his cat accidentally.
-Here you can ask "where is the confession."
-Let me explain.
-You let a post-it on his streaming set-up with a "I like you more than a friend, do you want to go on a date together?"
-Because you knew you were not brave enough to tell him directly.
-And the only place he checked often was his set-up and his phone.
-But you find more romantic to write it on a note.
-Except that your note didn't stick to the screen.
-It flew to the ground.
-And guess who took this paper for something edible?
-Pudding.
-Kenma's cat.
-The problem was when he ate the note; he started suffocating.
-Kenma whe he heard his cat's cough, ran towards him and tried to help him.
-But he failed.
-He searched for the nearest vet's clinic and called you because he didn't have any car. And he needed to be as quick as possible to the vet.
-Of course you drove him and kept him company.
-But when he told you the events.
-Culpability went done to your stomach.
-You stared at the floor.
-"Kenma, I'm so sorry I- I think it's my fault."
-"Why ?"
-"I let a note to you on your PC, and...and I think Pudding ate it."
-"You...why did you let a note ?" he asked confused
-"It, I...I didn't want to tell that out loud. But it doesn't matter. Fuck, I kill your cat." you said horrified.
-"He's not dead." Kenma tried to reassure you.
-"Yeah but he...it's my fault."
-"Well it's not." a voice said.
-You looked up to see the vet.
-"Pudding had an allergic reaction to his new dry food which provoked the angioedema. Your note was not responsible. He was already suffocating."
-You felt relieved but stressed.
-"Is he okay now ?" Kenma asked.
-"Yes, but he needs rest and new foods. We have more tests to do, to identify exactly what is the component that provoked him this allergy."
-"Thanks sir." Kenma said.
-"That's my job. By the way, here's your note. We didn't know if you wanted it or not. "
-He gave you a plastic bag with your note in it.
-There was drool on it and it was kinda gross, but you could still read the message on it.
-So does Kenma.
-He stared at you, while you tried to look everywhere else like suddenly the yellow wall was interesting.
-"Yes." he said.
-"What ?"
-"Your question, the answer is yes."
-You opened your mouth and shut it before you felt something warm in your hand.
-You looked down.
-His fingers were intertwined with yours.
-It was a small gesture.
-But it told you everything.
Sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language !Don't hesitate to correct me if I made any mistakes by the way !!!
If you want more : my masterlist
#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu x reader#bokuto x reader#akaashi x reader#osamu x reader#kenma x reader#haikyuu time skip#x reader
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hiii!
do you remember my ask from a while ago about letting someone translate my stories and publish them on ao3?
anygays... i decided to decline. i always feel kinda rude about this but on the other hand... it is my story, you know? it's me who thinks all about the plots, how the characters will react, who rereads the stories 3-15 times and edits it to perfection...
am i being a bit selfish because of this? maybe. i do feel kinda bad about it tbh, but my biggest argument is that i write it in english, mostly so people from all around the world can read my stories, because most people know this universal language.
well i don't wanna be annoying. i just wanted to share this.
(they wanted to translate all my little "johnlock short stories", btw :] )
thank you for... everything!
love and hugs,
turtely 🐢
(referencing this post)
Hi Turtely!!
LOVELY!! First off, NOT ANNOYING!! I love people coming here just to chat with me, keep me updated on their lives and just generally need some validation. Lord knows I need it, LOL.
Secondly, you had every right to decline; it is YOUR story and if you're not comfortable with it being translated, that's okay and not rude at all!! You're allowed to feel a certain way about your work, and you're definitely not the only author to feel that way *HUGS*
Finally, a promotion of your work for others to enjoy!
Turtely's Johnlock Short Stories by topsyturvy_turtely (M, 19,998+ w. across 9 works || Series WiP || Assorted Tags, Various Genres) – These are stories that are whole on their own. One chapter stories. I mostly write Fluff, sometimes Angst, never Smut (and if not graphic). I might include some Johnlock poems.
====
Everyone go give these stories some love, and again, Lovely, don't feel bad for not wanting them translated! <3
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miles writing steel samurai fanfic for funsies at some point during the time span where he believed he killed greg and while he was writing it he was like 'yea this is fine just me projecting some of my feelings onto the magistrate for it to seem a little more realistic yk. Make the character feel human' and he thinks it pretty tame, not intending for it to be too angsty. But once he posts the first chapter it kinda blows up and all of the comments are like 'im sobbing someone sedate me' and he's like damn u guys r sooo dramatic get a grip lmao??? And then as he posts more chapters (and as life starts to go even more off the rails than what it was before hand) the comments morph from 'cryibg' to 'fu.ck you genuinely what was going through your mind when you decided to rip my heart out I'm losing it get therapy I'm serious u need help I think' and at that point he's like ok so what going on here. And then one night after he learns that he is not in fact a murderer (and after he left the letter and went to Germany) he reads through the comments of genuine concern. And that on top of everything else makes him realise that everything is pretty fucked up and maybe. Just maybe things can get better.
(meanwhile the steel samurai fandom is like where tf did go he hasn't updated his heart wrenching fic in a year I miss that prick who'd make fun of us for crying at any chance he got:((. and there are tons of theories abt his disappearance floating around. And yk that trend on tiktok with the song Mary on a Cross where it's like "no quote had ever affected me" and then shows a quote from like a famous poem or movie or something. Well ppl do that with random quotes from his (not tagged as slash but everyone picks up on it) magisteel slowburn fanfiction and that in itself ropes more random ppl on the internet into the lore that is miles edgeworths ao3 account. Like his fic has its own fandom at this point and ppl had all of these inside jokes about it and stuff)
uhh fastforward to a 35 yr old miles randomly remembering about that fanfic he first began writing under the covers in his cold bedroom in the Von karma manor so he logs in and find hundreds of comments asking if he's ok and stuff and he rereads the fic and is like Jesus Christ did I actually think this was normal back then. So then he finishes off the draft he had sitting in his docs for years and says something along the lines of 'damn u guys were right idk why I thought this was fine' in the notes and he posts it and is almost immediately flooded with relieved comments and everyone's like 'rejoice he's not dead' 'took you a while but we love a self aware king'. And then he goes and kisses his husband and smiles at his hoard of children and life his good all is well.
#miles edgeworth#ace attorney#steel samurai#I think there was something else I wanted to add and I can feel it on the tip of my tongue but I forgor#This ended up being so long it's almost 2am give me a break if half of this is gibberish#Have I mentioned that this man is all I think about#Also Maya is probably one of his most avid readers and one day she's telling him about it and hes like 'huh thats. That's sad 🧍'#Because there's no way in hell that he'll admit to writing a fanfiction it would most likely be the end of him
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that time of the month again... how did your october reading go? i saw you hit your reading goal! are we increasing it to push or just enjoying the moment? what's on the winter horizon
IMO !! we both hit our goals right? I feel like I cheated bc half of these reads were lil bite-sized afternoon reads but whatevz, october was fun!
High Risk: An Anthology of Forbidden Writings edited by Amy Scholder & Ira Silverberg
I found this buried in the back of a bookshop for like $5 & saw that old copies are selling for like $25+ online?? wild! I lucked out! I loved the variety featured here, poems and prose and short stories and essays, a lil bit of everything for everyone. I've shared this exact sentiment before I'm sure but I really do love these types of anthologies because it exposes me to so many new authors/artists I wouldn't have so easily come across otherwise, and this collection was particularly fruitful. my favorite bit was probably 'Dear Dennis' by Dodie Bellamy, which is from a collection of letters written from the point of view of Mina Harker from Dracula and it's just as fun and zany as it sounds. this particular letter is addressed to Dennis Cooper which makes it even more fun for me hehe here's a particular (NSFW) passage I was super charmed by and keep thinking about
The Complete Eightball 1-18 by Daniel Clowes
ohhhh daniel... with a collection this big there are bound to be some misses + the cynical sarcastic gen X 'everyone's an idiot & society is stupid' voice/punchline got predictable and grating after awhile, but it's still a treat to see the progression of his art and storytelling. Ghost World + Like a Velvet Glove Cast in Iron were featured in here so it was really nice to reread them bc I already loved them both but this time I was able to appreciate the artistic details and stories even more. especially Ghost World which I read around high school and it left a more superficial "haha bitchy teenage girls me as hellll" impression whereas this time around I was surprised at how emotionally gut-punched I felt at the end. so beautiful and touching
A Season in Hell and the Drunken Boat by Arthur Rimbaud
I was craving some poetry + Dennis Cooper has referenced Rimbaud as an early inspiration so I thought i'd give a try, and I totally see the influence with this sorta meandering self-loathing nature mixed with this sensuous + bursting understanding of life. poetic stream-of-consciousness mumblecore. the beauty's kinda stained for me by racial slurs and general weird racial undertones but what else can I expect from a white french man from the 1800s i guess! the length is short enough (hardly 100 pages) to not have to commit to it very long at least
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
I am sooo shocked at how into this I was + I wonder if this would've been the case if I'd read it in high school under a teacher's direction bc while I've enjoyed books I've been assigned to read and analyze academically in the past, the vibe is so different when you're reading something on your own and processing/interpreting things by yourself, more limitless in a way. and I think because of that freedom to move around and stew in and envision things way I wanted to, I really had fun with this!! I think reading it at my age, so removed from school, also made it more shocking in the sense of realizing these are literal children.....??!?? so crazy silly funny scary to think about... these poor boys who desperately need therapy... also the copy I had included introductions by Lois Lowry and Stephen King which were basically nostalgic odes to literature and the stories that shape us as and the way we interpret the world as young readers and I really had a moment like...wow... books really are so powerful like truly....
The Wolf Plays by Brad Fraser
I cant lie, I picked this up bc I was so entranced by the photoshoot Keanu Reeves and Carl Morotte did for the live performance they starred in hehe. it feels redundant to be like 'this would've worked better on the stage.." when reading a play bc Obviously it was Meant for performance/the stage, but IDK I've read screenplays that were so layered and full of life from dialogue to stage directions that it felt as if I really were witnessing a production of it whereas here, the direction and characters were so sparsely written that it was hard to imagine it being any more fleshed out for the stage. to be fair, Fraser himself admitted in the introduction to Wolfboy (the first/main play out of he two featured in this collection) being rushed and rough around the edges so oh well, I'm just glad to have gotten this out of my system now or else it would've plagued me
Castle Faggot by Derek McCormack
so strange and bewitching. I love how it plays with form in a kinda taunting way. blank boxes where you imagine the picture that's being drawn out n stuff like that. I think I'll need to read it again to flesh out my thoughts but with it fresh on the mind, I'm tickled by its way of weaving anger with absurdity. in the afterword convo between Dennis Cooper + Zac Farley, Dennis recounts a story about Derek where they were hanging out at some mall and Derek spotted Nicholas Brandon (the guy who played Xander in Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and without a word Derek made a beeline to Xander and just stood closely right behind him on the escalator staring at him intensely and Dennis was equal parts humiliated and terrified bc he'd never seen this weird dark obsessive side of Derek before + that was basically how he felt about the book as well. thought that was neat and somewhat clarifying LOL
PHEW im pooped. NO i will NOT be increasing my reading goal for these last 2 months, lest I strive farther than my capabilities/motivation yet again!!! I tried a few Fil-Am/Filipino horror fictions in october but none of them really clicked for me and i didn't want to commit to something I felt lukewarm about so I'm planning to read some (non horror) Fil/Fil-Am books this month. I realized in October I read almost every form (poetry, fiction, graphic novel, play) except nonfiction wtf! my bread and butter! so I'll probably look for something stimulating buried in my pdfs somewhere
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hey art!! i have a qn for you 🥰
how do you come up with ideas for your stories, and what inspires you? and after you’ve gotten an idea for the story, what is the process of writing like? i am so impressed by your diction and how you use such intricate and detailed words and sentences that PERFECTLY encapsulates the emotions and whole storyline 🥹🥹 if you can’t tell ive reread the whole collection of in which drabbles at least twenty times because i can’t fathom how you’re able to carry out such BEAUTIFUL WRITING ❤️❤️❤️ ohmaigash i love you n your writing teehehehehe even as english being my first language, i never am able to even think of using such language in my writings, i really want to know how you do it 🙃
oh my gosh anonie… thank you thank you thank you for your kindest words i don’t know what to say 🥲🩷🩷🩷 you reminded me of how writing is not easy but damn is it soooo worth it :") made my dayyyy i love you so much!!!!
to answer your qn— it’s honestly different every time!! sometimes i get inspired by a song, an excerpt of a poem or essay, or even by a single word alone. sometimes they’re loosely based from my own experiences. sometimes i come up with a scenario in my head while i’m in the middle of doing something very random hehehe. that’s kinda the foundation of the iw!series and how it started 😭 and then from that i expand to a concept orrrr it can be vice versa too like the concept goes first then i figure out the details after!! it’s so important that i know exactly what i’m trying to convey and what messages i want to say :]
so usually i write that down along with the outline of scenarios/dialogue/transitions/general flow of the piece 🥰 it prolly sounds organized but it’s funny and all over the place they’re barely even considered sentences HDJDHDJSJFJF but it works for me so don’t fix what’s not broken amirite 🫡 as for the writing process, i usually write before bed bcs i need a quiet and peaceful atmosphere :] sometimes i listen to music while doing so to get myself in the ~zone~ hehe. ofc writing is the most difficult and painful part 😵💫 if i had a nickel for every time i asked myself “oh my god will i even get to post this???” and then screamed into my pillow, i’d be rich as hell by now. after finishing a part i take a break and read/edit everything i’ve written so far which is helpful in moving forward as well!!
i love editing bcs that’s when it finally starts to feel right and decent to post 😭😭😭
this got quite long oops- idk if i satisfied your curiosity so i’m happy to answer if you have more questions !! 🥰🫂
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🥪 - Who didn't you know before it all started but now you root for them in every poll?
Also some own questions (answer as much as you like and leave the rest):
Is there any story you like very much but for whatever reason you couldn't include?
Did the preliminaries went as you imagined and/or hoped?
What was the most surprising thing so far in the tournament? Either regarding the submissions or the polls?
Thanks for the questions omg!
there have been quite a few stories ive fallen in love with through this tournament! Where Oaken Hearts Do Gather was one of my favorites, as well as A Guide For Working Breeds (rip). For upcoming stories, I like --And He Built A Crooked House--.
a few submissions were just too long for me to include, especially as i tried to be stricter about length at the start of submissions - The Ugly Little Boy by Isaac Asimov almost made me cry but it was just too long. also someone submitted 17776 and thats a kinda very long story but also... i should reread it, its great.
oh my god. preliminaries. the entire time i kept calling them pre-brackets. and the word preliminaries was right there. i was a fool. hehe omg. uuuh they went pretty much as i imagined! it was interesting to see people in my notes who were familiar with these works in ways im not (i actually havent read many Classics). maybe someone should run a tournament for every sherlock holmes story...
the need for preliminaries at all! i'll be honest i messed up a lot during the submissions period - i kinda assumed no one would be interested in this so i never limited submissions per person or author or decided on a word limit or capped the number of stories, and then i had to make do with the wild submissions ive gotten (though i'm happy with how it turned out). also - im surprised scandal in bohemia beat the end poem that handily, i wouldve thought the minecraft fandom would have posed a stronger threat. maybe if i'd called it the Minecraft End Poem instead of just the End Poem? oh, im also amazed at Man Door Hand Hook Car Door sweeping. its up against Cask of Amontillado next round, which is going to be insane. one last thing - its been fun to see the same people cropping up in my notes! feels like we've got a nice little community of bookworms here :3 i appreciate you all <3
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9,10, 27, 32, 36, 37 :)
9. Answered!
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
I think there are three different ways I'm being haunted by writing:
There's the 'good' haunting, of works so resonant and beautiful that I'll never stop thinking of them. When Breath Becomes Air, especially with how that work is also haunted by its author's passing. The last episode of Midnight Mass. For fanfic, I'll probably always be haunted by Lady Charity's 'jacob and esau say their goodbyes' because I still think that it's one of the best stories about dying I've ever read, and the final scenes (of the ao3 version, because I guess it was different on ffn?) have always stuck with me. Probably one of the best pieces of fanfiction I've ever read, even if I'll never be able to read it again.
There's a 'bad' kind of haunting: things that I just wish I'd never fucking seen. Melancholia. Cannibal Holocaust. There was this one documentary I had to watch in undergrad that I'll never get out of my head, and wish I could. (I can't even remember the title.) Things that I just...really wish I hadn't put into my brain. I tend to have a really high tolerance, but I do also need a certain level of emotional catharsis to make it feel 'worth it' and there have been some things that I've watched or read that just...leave you wrung out without any accompanying artistic value. Mostly fucking Lars Von Trier. I've never even seen all of Dancer in the Dark, but there's that one scene that plagues me, and I swear, I will never watch another of his movies again, Melancholia was an awful experience, I can't do it again.
(Like...that is the point, so it is good art (tm), that's the effect he's looking for, but I have been haunted enough thank you.)
For my own work, I feel like haunting is more about my feeling like I'll never live up to past successes. There are a couple of my past works that I feel like haunt me. I wish they wouldn't. I'd wish they'd chill a little, and stay in 2018 and 2019, respectively.
27. Answered!
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
“There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.” - JRR Tolkien, Return of the King
TT.TT One of my favorites. Especially in this last reread, I was really struck by Sam's hope in Mordor.
36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?
basic medicine/first aid
funerary practices
19th century history/history of medicine
how to knit a sweater
...
end of list
Or rather, and endless amount of trivia that I could not list but would probably throw in a fic at random, usually shortly after I've learned it. I will then, refuse to cut that paragraph even if it would improve the pacing. That's my toxic trait.
37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?
Kinda weird, wasn't she?
[weird questions for weird writers]
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I guess I should make some kind of introduction if I'm doing this tumblr - fandom shit.
(It turned out longer than I initially intended and more like me venting on my life rather than an introduction so feel free to ignore this post)
One shitty day around September I started to think about the things that made me happy when I was a teenager. One of those things was reading yaoi manga (obviously). But I stopped reading yaoi (or any kind of manga to be exact), or watch anime, or draw, or write poems and stories when I met my boyfriend. Life had fucked me up and falling in love fucked me up even more but also it kind of healed me in a lot of ways, it's still confusing to me to this day. Anyway, I threw myself headfirst into this relationship leaving everything behind, I didn't need anything beside him. This love was my escape, I needed to separate myself from my past and at that time it felt freeing. Skipping 10 years later, I realized no relationship is perfect. Even this boy who I know FOR SURE that I've been chasing through fucking lifetimes to finally meet again, because he's my fucking soulmate, even he is not perfect, and well I guess we'll try to be better again in another life... But, I'm getting distracted here... What I'm trying to say is that we both kind of gave up or forgot about ourselves. We stopped being our own separate selves. And that is fucking sad.
So that one shitty day I decided to try logging into my old tumblr account. Of course I didn't remember the password but I finally managed to log in, and I immediately felt a little nauseous when I saw my original introduction as a 22 year old. I never realized it's been full 10 years. 10 long years of not doing the things that I used to enjoy so much.
It was kind of strange and unfamiliar to be on this app again, not to mention the last time I was here I was on my computer, I don't even remember if the app existed. Of all the blogs I followed only one or two keep posting. I felt out of place, so I logged out and instead I started to wonder if Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai had been completed. It was the first title that immediately came to my mind. I remember being obsessed with it and that the last chapter that was out but not translated at that time was when Yashiro left after having sex with Doumeki and talked to Ryuuzaki in the car. After some time of digging the internet (God, it's so difficult to find anything nowadays, all the manga reading sites that I used in the past are gone) I finally found out that the manga is still ongoing and without a moment of hesitation I devoured it from start to finish. All the feelings that I had for this ship came back to me with a new force. How did I live not even thinking about it for so long? Was I dead?
Not sure how I was gonna function until new release that was supposed to be at the end of November, I obviously reread Saezuru countless times. I also tried rereading other stuff and looking for something new but nothing compared to this. Then, something hit me. What was the name of this manga that I used to see some random panels of in my explore page on instagram? About some teenagers doing teenager stuff but also being kinda gay about it. I specifically remembered the panel of two boys on the bed, one with his upper body on the floor, the other on top of him. I was almost positive that there was number 19 in the title, so it didn't take too much time to find it and start reading. Yeah, the beginning is a little bit dark and I was a little confused looking at those short, a few panels long chapters and random art, but when the middle school part began I was immediately in love. I logged into tumblr again and proceeded to read as many posts analyzing this masterpiece as I could find.
I'm obsessed. I feel like a teenager again. I can't think about anything else. My mind is preoccupied with TianShan and I can't function anymore. There are so many thoughts, so many ideas in my head I'm scared it's going to explode if I don't let it out somehow. That is why I created this side blog. The only problem is that I'm an adult and I got adult stuff to do. I wish I was around when I still had some more free time on my hands. Also, I feel a little creepy for being 32 and drooling over 15 year old boys. On the other hand... isn't Old Xian about my age? Maybe it's alright then lol.
I think that's it. Just wanted to explain how I got here and warm up before posting anything else. Now I'm embarrassed thinking that someone might actually read this. At this point I can't tell if I'm going to post much of my own content or if I'll just abandon this blog when life gets in the way. Nevertheless, here's where my fandom journey begins.
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the point of human nature is not to be smart
or to work so hard that you feel like you're going to fall apart
nor to serve capitalism searching for a materialistic goal that seems so far
no. thats not what it is at all
the point of human nature is to laugh and enjoy and fall
and to smile and be happy and to finally be free
do you seriously think you could do that
when you care so much about what everybody thinks?
you dont have to be productive so you know your worth
you dont have to come up with the greatest metaphors
the point of human nature is not to be the best
it is to find hope, happiness and rest
you are not defined by who you were before
much less of what you have always been told
you are not even defined by who you are today
cause you know what?? that too, will change
so just breathe here with me
so you know that you are actually free
there are no chains forcing you to suffer
its your own mind the one who craves for hopelessness
so please dont forget this
that the only thing youre meant to be is just be
you are here only to exist
and while you're at it, enjoy it while it lasts
and then we will both, become stars
#did you know that we are literally made by stardust#i kinda needed to reread my own poem#anxiety is a bitch#fighting mental illness#damn the mental illness got hands#poem#poetry#cottagecore#?#gay#lesbian#bisexual#im putting the queers in here cause i know we need it ok#trans#mental health#healing#i hope your pain eases soon
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30 Days of Carry On
posted (and written by?) @captain-aralias
(I’m doing most of these at once because I said so. it’s long so under the cut)
1. Favourite major character
I literally thought — Simon no Baz no Penny no, Agatha!
I guess I will pick Simon, since I relate to him the most — or at least, my connection to him led me into the fandom.
2. Favourite minor character
I think we all know this one 🐑🐑🐑
I have written many a treatise on Lamb Rights. I’ll spare everyone now
3. Character you relate to the most
Oops— I already answered this, kinda. I relate to them in different ways: I relate a lot to WS Simon because he has abandonment issues and “kid who was told he was extraordinary and then grew up to be ordinary” issues. We also both have a “fix all the things for everyone” complex, too.
Baz — It took me a while to get into Baz’s head, but I would say, I relate to him because of his intense emotional world and tendency to see the world through an intensely romantic/tragic lens. But also he’s a Pisces. and I’d never do that like a Pisces does. (Sorry, not sorry.)
4. Which character would you like to go to lunch with?
SHEPARD obviously. I don’t feel the need to elaborate.
5. Favourite non-Snowbaz ship
Ooh! Probably Lamb/Baz or Simon/Shep or just...literally anything. Like, I will read anything as long as it’s well written. The weirder the better. (Within...legal and moral limits.) in my other fandoms I’ve been a big multishipper and there’s not a lot of options for that in CO - which is fine - but wholeheartedly support rarepairs :D
6. Favourite non-romantic OTP
So, obviously Simon/Penny and Baz/Penny are great ones, but I think the nearest & dearest to my heart is Simon/Agatha. The kind of siblings/unwillingly dating/weird exes dynamic and the way they both shaped each other’s lives is just so interesting. And while Simon & Penny are closer, Agatha and Simon represent their aspirational selves to one another. And the way that they were both tied to one another along with their gender roles/places in society and both broke away at the same time is just...mwah
7. Favourite Baz outfit
I honestly dress kinda like Baz. Anything involving a printed silk shirt or a floral brocade suit, so like, all of them? I love WS Baz, his fashion sense is so thoughtful yet fun. He’s so expressive with it — in the sense of both being guarded, being sexy, and playing with masculinity/femininity.
8. How do you feel about Wayward Son?
In case it wasn’t obvious, I absolutely love it. I mean, from a writing/narrative standpoint, I don’t think it’s the most elegant or engaging book ever written, but it’s just so raw and fresh. I don’t see many examples of an author trying to do what Rainbow did, which is build a complex emotional AND plot-driven story with so many characters and so much lore. I’m very excited for AWTWB.
9. Favourite scene from Carry On, besides Chapter 61
I like what the book does/sets up overall. Honestly probably the first scene, where Simon walks to the bus stop & takes the train and just thinks about his life and makes lists -- I love Simon. I know Rainbow said she thinks that bit is boring, but it honestly says so much about his character in a short time. (and he’s an extremely complex character!) Also, Baz’s dramatic entrance. Also, the chapter where Baz says “and I’m hopelessly in love with him” because it’s just so dramatic, and it comes out of nowhere
10. Favourite scene from Wayward Son, besides Chapter 41
Baz and Lamb’s journey across the Strip - vampire lore, jealous Simon, Baz getting to be his own character— it’s beautiful.
11. Remind us about something in canon readers might have forgotten about
Ahahaha um. Simon says he thinks Baz’s cousin Marcus is fit. That’s pretty funny.
12. What are your hopes and fears for Any Way the Wind Blows?
I don’t have any hopes because I don’t want to be disappointed - and that’s not a cynical thing, I just want to go into it with an open mind. (I’ll take a break from fandom and reread the books beforehand so I’m (more of) a blank slate) I guess just...interesting emotional journeys, whatever that ends up being. There’s a lot that Rainbow has to do in the book and I don’t think any one person could get through all of it -- that’s why we have fanfiction.
Fears? I don’t know. I think just...the series ending. Even though I’ve been in fandom for less than a year I just really love this fandom & the thought of that kind of eroding away is sad. But also I don’t think that will happen immediately, and change is a part of life. I’ve never related as much to Cath as I do now :’)
13. An unpopular/cracky opinion you hold
unpopular: Lamb is the best character; I don’t want Simon to get his magic back; both Simon and Baz should have other romantic options.
14. Something from your head fanon
Hmmmmmmm well. Just mean things about Baz really. Like that he’s weird looking, not that great at football, and actually has kind of garish fashion sense. (which is a self-roast as well - see above.) I just feel like Simon/fandom put him on a pedestal, and Simon’s an unreliable narrator re: Baz anyway. So I like the idea that Baz is this average looking kinda strange nerdy guy who is everything Simon has ever wanted in life.
And before you tell me that Baz was hot at Watford and Agatha was into him, have you ever been to a tiny boarding school? Standards get weird 😂😂😂 and Terry being into him — come on. The guy’s a violent pervert.
also - back to Watford being a tiny school. Baz doesn’t have much competition to be the star of the football team. (also, does anyone except Simon even think that he is?)
16. Favourite location other than Watford
Vegas!
17, Favourite location in Watford
I’m pretty bad at Watford lore/geography bc again, I’m way more into WS. Probably the floor in the Cloisters where everything happens the same way, just a day later. There’s a fic there, but I can’t wrap my head around all the time travel implications enough to write it.
18. What would be your favourite subject at Watford?
Any potions-esque subject because I loved chemistry lab. Latin because I loved Latin in school. Uhhhh I don’t like history class, so not that — maybe a literature course focused on the derivation of spells.
19. What would your magical implement be?
Ooh! This is a good one. I’d like to think it would be a weird body piercing. Or a belt a la Gareth. Maybe some kind of traditional south Asian jewelry, like a nose chain or mang-tikka or something. maybe a hat. like, imagine your magical instrument being a fedora and you just have to...wear a fedora all the time.
21. Favourite canon spell
Hm. Kiss it better? Candle in the wind?I should try to think of a non-horny one. honestly they’re all so cool and clever - I love the magic system in CO/WS.
22. What would your eighth year spell at Watford be or do?
Maybe something from a poem I love. That would probably be pretty but not very functional. Or a healing spell.
23. Who would you want as your roommate?
Agatha is uptight, Penny is passive aggressive, Simon is a slob, Baz is both uptight and passive aggressive.
Definitely Shepard.
24. Favourite item of merchandise, official or unofficial
My @subparselkie sticker
25. Favourite book cover design
WS. Oh, another unpopular opinion - I don’t like the kevin wada cover of carry on. their faces look so weird and the colors don’t work for me. I own the version with the blue and yellow cover art instead
26. Do you want a movie? If yes - any fan casts for the movie?
Probably wouldn’t want a movie! Because I am way too possessive of these books/this version of the story. And I am historically extremely disappointed by adaptations — I get upset with the smallest of changes 😂
27. If they made a movie, what scenes do you think they’d cut that you’d be furious were missing?
See above. A LOT haha
28. If you could ask Rainbow Rowell one question, what would it be? (If you have already, you can share if you like)
What is Lamb’s full name????? Is it actually Lamb Lambert Lamborghini the third???
What is Rainbow’s relationship with sheep and goats. Why are there so many references to them
29. Have you read any of Rainbow’s other books?
Only Fangirl
30. How did you get into Carry On and/or Carry On fandom?
I read fangirl & the pages at the end mentioned carry on, so I read that, and enjoyed it but I wasn’t obsessed. Then I read WS spring 2020, reread it a bunch of times, reread CO, freaked out about the cliffhanger/cool vampire stuff/unresolved sexual tension, had pandemic cabin fever, got on AO3, and the rest is history.
As @annabellelux knows, I wrote my first (published) fanfic after reading her amazing fic Drop The Game. and the first fanfic I read was @captain-aralias’ Greener Grass. I was so obsessed that about a month later, I searched through the AO3 tags for it, because I couldn’t remember the title or author but kept thinking about it.
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5 Favorite Recent Writing Bits
Tagged by @kunstpause! Picking out a few passages I like from my most recent works, in no particular order. Under the cut, with links to the full work as hosted here on Tumblr (most of the posts also have links to Ao3 versions).
Tagging @phaedra-mero @anomaliewrites @eremiss @stars-bleed-hearts-shine @ahlis-xiv @raelly-writing @aethernoise @dragons-bones @punchelf @gunbun and anyone else feeling the need to go over some writing and think “I still kinda like this actually” (it happens more often than you may think).
1. Of Porxies and Pardons - Shadowbringers, 5.1-5.2-ish. After Eden 8 (Refulgence), Aeryn and Thancred had an argument. This one starts silly with Ryne & Gaia bullying Dadcred into buying a gift to give Aeryn, as an excuse to get reconciliation rolling.
He nodded. Then struggled not to fidget as silence briefly took over, the orchestrion quietly playing a semi-familiar melancholy tune. They tried to speak at the same time, words crashing against each other until they both stopped and blinked, the usual blush creeping over Aeryn’s face, while his own felt rather warmer than a moment ago. He gestured; she could go first.
She hesitated anyway, then quickly said, “You left that book you were reading, before...Um, before. It’s there.” Aeryn pointed to the small couch by the window, the aforementioned tome on the stand next to it. It was a collection of Voeburtite poems borrowed from the Cabinet of Curiosity he had meant to take along to the Empty to read while his more magically-inclined companions went about their tasks.
“Ah, of course; I was looking for that,” he answered, striding to the stand. On lifting the book, the marker he had left between its pages slipped out. Thancred managed to catch it, but his place was lost. He sat on the couch. “A moment while I find where I left off,” he said.
“Of course,” she replied, clearing her throat. He waited a moment, but she turned instead to her table and the organizing she had been doing when he arrived. She was definitely preparing to leave again for a time.
He took a breath but instead of speaking up turned to the book in his hands, slowly paging through to find where the verses became unfamiliar again, listening to Aeryn in the background. It didn’t take long before skimming became rereading, the words of long-dead poets filling his eyes and mind.
2. Only a Little Death for Now - Shadowbringers. Zenos fic that came outta nowhere, from a prompt I happened to see in Book Club and would not let me go. I see him as aroace, but his fascination with the one person who can match or surpass him crosses some wires. It’s short and violent, as one would expect. Also lemony for those into the murder prince. Used “she” for the sake of it but substitute in your own preferred pronouns; it’s all the same to Zenos.
His breath hitched and he nearly dropped his head onto the rail, thinking of her hair whipping as she spun, faster than his blades could strike. How he would push himself against her, testing her ferocity, the bloodlust to match his own. She would score him, again and again, each cut a command to yield, each bruise an edict to submit. The longer he refused, the fiercer her fire burned, until he was scorched by her Light, ripping away the shadows of his reclaimed birthright.
Another growling groan, the sting of sweat in his eyes as the heat of his bloodlust melted the ice and dusting of snow. It was nothing, nothing compared to the flame of their battles, drenching them both as they pushed beyond mortal limits, exerting wills to bend the Star itself in trying to make the other concede, to fall, to complete that final strike, the last stroke.
He threw his head back with a strangled cry, remembering the kiss of his own steel at his throat and oh what a fool he had been! How much sweeter, how much more worthy and final, would it be to have her wield the blade to end him, to give him that sweet release…
3. Girl Talk - Stormblood-era dialogue heavy piece of Lyse and Aeryn being pals and talking about relationships. Mostly Lyse needling Aeryn about certain rogues, and getting the dish on just what happened between Aeryn and Haurchefant...
“You are far from stupid.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t make stupid mistakes.”
“Well, sure. Still, you couldn’t have messed up that badly.” At Aeryn’s cringe, Lyse raised a brow. “Come on.”
“I did sleep with him—once.”
“Really?” Lyse rolled onto her stomach, chin propped in both her hands.
Aeryn rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t...It was a stressful day.”
“You’ll have to be more specific. Your idea of a stressful day is different from other peoples’.”
“Fair.” She grinned at Lyse. “I had to babysit Emmanellain de Fortemps.”
“All right, that does explain a lot.”
“He got himself kidnapped by the Vundu…”
“Of course he did.”
“I went ahead, while Honoroit ran back to get aid--so, Haurchefant and a couple Haillenarte knights--and that was the day we learned about Bismark, as Cid rescued us with his ever-exceptional piloting before we were eaten.”
“That is a stressful day, even by your standards.”
4. 15th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon - Shadowbringers, 5.3-5.4 spoilers. A very recent piece having to do with Aeryn’s nameday, but more importantly Thancred marking it each year he spent upon the First, and how. Letters, pining, confessions; all here.
Aeryn read through, noting he wrote it more like a conversation she had yet to answer. Memories of their adventures and companionship were woven through the words more naturally as he spoke to her. She smiled as he spent a good chunk of the letter not even realizing how he had gushed about Ryne and all she had learned and how she had grown in that first year they spent together, as if he were trying to ensure Aeryn would love the child as much as he so obviously did--even if the foolish man hadn’t been able to tell the girl so until it had almost been too late.
But then, that was Thancred; locking his thoughts and feelings behind stoicism, snark, and literally in a box on a shelf.
She traced her nail along the letters of his name--again signed “Yours”--before tucking that bundle away and picking up the fourth.
By this time the twins were somewhere in Norvrandt, though Thancred had no opportunity to see them as Eulmore’s hunters were ever close. He wrote to Aeryn of his frustration with how many Scions had come to the First but she was still so far away and still in so much danger, alongside the rest of the Source and this shard itself. If she couldn’t come to Norvrandt to break the Light’s hold over the realm then the girl would have to make her choice sooner rather than later--and perhaps face the same fate as all of her predecessors.
He admitted that he feared both of those outcomes. He seemed to have begun to cross out that line, but had stopped himself.
5. The Old Bargain - NOT FFXIV! An original, short, spooky tale written for a monthly artling challenge in @onyrica‘s Patreon Discord this past fall.
The wind moaned across the swampy meadows, long grasses and rushes hushing the rattling cart that slowly moved down the muddy road, pulled by a stooped figure in a wide grey hat and long grey coat. The clouds hung low and dark overhead.
To the left the forest rose from the brush, thorny and tangled even as autumn winds denuded the trees, gold and red leaves dulled and browning in the damp soil, floating on slow rivulets. Some eventually found their way to the distant river, others trapped in stagnant little pools until they dissolved into nothing.
Shadows moved and birds flit away from them. The insects had long gone silent, leaving just the wind and the rushes and the creaking of the cart wheels, the occasional groan of the wood when it turned to keep to the winding path.
The figure huffed, the air grown colder by the evidence of misty breath; faint, but noticeable. Even at this time of year, the temperature should not be dropping so, not while the sun still strained against the clouds.
The route was a dangerous one, but had to be completed. Tradition demanded it. The figure ignored the muffled whimpers from the bed of the small cart.
Where the marsh road met the woods, an old hill rose. Gnarled vines covered in dying leaves showed the stone arch of the ancient door, proof the hill, and those beyond it, had once been much more. The figure set down the long handles of the cart and puffed out another breath, stretching aching limbs. Too many times over too many years had the cart creaked to the door.
BONUS: 15th Sun of the 1st Astral Moon Outtakes - I wrote 3100 words of Thancred’s POV and him actually writing the letters each year before I was able to get to the actual proper starting point of Aeryn finally receiving them. It’s unedited, uncorrected, etc, but I shared it in a Throwaway Thursday post anyway, cuz man the effort I went to trying to get “15th Sun” out by the real world equivalent day in a little over a week’s time. I hope I can use some of these scenes at some point in something more finished.
Aeryn had discovered through Minfilia when Thancred marked his own “nameday”; it was the day Louisoix had given him the surname Waters to fit into his new life in Sharlayan. It was a reasonable enough date for legal purposes in the bureaucratically-minded city, and they had used a bit of conjury and basic observation to guess as accurately as they could at Thancred’s age at the time.
“So you see why I don’t concern myself with celebrating it,” he had said with an expansive shrug. It was during those moons after Lahabrea but before the Banquet, when they had truly become friends–more than he had thought himself reasonable to hope for, after everything.
Aeryn nodded, understanding. Then held out a small, neatly wrapped package. “Well it’s the only date we have, and this shouldn’t go to waste.”
It was difficult to argue with that, or her charming smile and the expected blush that followed when he teasingly told her so. That someone other than Minfilia did insist on noting the day, random as it was, stirred a tight warmth in his chest; he had been dismissive enough in their younger years that his fellow archons no longer made the attempt, and he wasn’t sure the twins even knew or thought of it; their junior members in the Scions certainly didn’t.
Aeryn’s first present to him had been an orchestrion roll from a favorite minstrel, a tune he had absently hummed or whistled as he went about his work after hearing it played while they were still in Vesper Bay. Of course Aeryn’s own bardic inclinations had remembered and she had found a copy. It had begun their habit of finding books and music for one another, for their namedays, holidays, or simply rare moments that felt right.
#Final Fantasy XIV#Thancred Waters#Lyse Hext#Thancred x WoL#Original Writing#Lyn Writing#Shippy Nonsense#Aeryn Striker#Zenos Galvus
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hello icha!!!!! learned from my mistakes and typed this out in a separate document. first i have to say im feeling a very deep connection with citron as of late bc i was giving myself a pep talk abt like physics and i told myself "face up and man the music!" and was like "...is that wrong. theres that song called man against the music isnt there... yeah it must be right" and. well i realized later. i also think the phrase "dont cry because it happened, smile because its over" is very good. also I’m halfway thru creating a very eclectic list of like. a Pokémon team for each a3 character which is… something. kinda knew it would happen to me. might take a while for me to finish it tho now that I’m halfway bc I’m suddenly having a crisis like “wait shit I’m only confident on my understanding and characterizing of like 4 characters am I good enough” so… it’s slow going lol. anyways. i finished that damn physics thing I was giving myself a pep talk about and so am treating myself to autumn/winter. happens that watching these events is also like. the only thing which reminds me to actually like. log into a3 lol. i am so bad at gacha games. probably a good thing in the long run. ok starting from the top!
hisoka going "zzz" as his reaction made me immediately go... oh dear, please dont fall asleep in the bath and guess what happened. yeah. good thing homare was there lol. speaking of i fucking adore homare and his poetry. id buy his collection. i also wish there was a collection like if there was a master list of every poem he says in like. at the very least main story. if not i will literally do it myself. i love homare so much im like him in that back when i had to play dodgeball id always be like kufufufu they cant hit me if im friendless enough that no one pays attention to me but like in my case it actually worked out. on the subject of the pillow fight tho, hisoka's crazy strong pillow fight throw... one more mark on the list for suspicious, maybe assassin occupation. this event made me realize how much i missed winter like. i saw the stranger pretty recently (which has caused the effect of be being like "taichi!! thats my boy!!" in my head everytime he shows up lol but anyways i havent gotten to a winter play yet so im VERY hype. especially bc this seems like it stars hisoka and homare??? like oh!! oh!!!! also detective fiction... im swooning. i also just enjoy the hisoka homare dynamic a whole fucking lot i think its nice how homare was like "yeah im ride or die for this funky lil amnesiac, why wouldnt you be?" and its just like. nice. feel like hes always reaching out to hisoka which is like. man homare is so nice.
back to chronology. ofc sakyo goes cheap for the hot springs lol. on brand as ever. was very hype for the azuma sakyo dynamic bc all i remember is like azuma trashing everyone including sakyo at some game or the other in one of the winter chapters and it was very good. or was this a clip in like a stage play? either way it was delightful. at first i misinterpreted taichi going "…" after azuma and sakyo said theyd never been on a field trip bc like. taichi being quiet or noncommunicative... after going thru autumn troupe act 1 it makes me fear for my life a little lol. anyways im glad he was just like planning fun times. speaking of taichi tho we got a tasuku taichi pair for etudes!!!! im not spoiling myself for later events but i hope to GOD tasuku and taichi do like a lead co lead in SOMETHING or at least like some mixed troupe event i want them to talk!!!
also dunno if this is an intentional pun but i enjoy that its called high spirits at the hot spring bc like oh theyre having fun but also bc like. "spirits" is used to refer to a certain type of alcohol i think? which is cool. dunno if its intentional but i liked that. anyways the talent show. taichis moving rendition of single ladies... ok i know it said single fellas but like. we know. wonder if that line was a different song in japanese? its not too old at ALL tho imo. anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment... flashback to when banri slaps juza live on stage instead of doing a stage slap lol. my reaction to azuma essentially went:
azuma: I can offer to bare my soul, and a little more ;)
izumi: what do u mean by that???
me: hey tasuku and omi were shirtless what's ur problem with azuma
anyways i reread and from what i understand they were maybe only flexing and doing a gun show? which like. no wonder it didnt last too long then lol. also explains why they didnt have shirtless sprites i suppose lmao. i am SO curious abt what azuma ended up doing tho that fade to black is so mysterious! did he tap dance? did he pole dance? the world will never know...
oh also im not like super familiar with azuma yet but my read on his personality is definitely like "I am so touch starved All The Time but I will be chill. :) :) this is fine :)" like he just seems to rly like being around people! just like basking in presence whether or not hes rly talking that much.
i enjoyed that juza mentioned pillow fighting with his lil brother... thats nice! i think a lot of this event was just focused on ppl having fun over the drama lol bc it got wrapped up sooo quick. i liked the bit where sakyos worried that izumi was out late searching for him tho it was so sweet. table tennis match was very fun although id argue calling hisoka and juza the two quietest tho lol like... banri exists so juza isnt quiet. just like inevitably. finally, the event cg!!! azumas hair tied up... so nice! thats how I tie my hair up sometimes tho it doesnt look nearly as nice lol. taichi rambling abt his first love for so long tho... lol. ill be honest i have to reread autumn bc i was not aware of this whole situation until it came up in the stranger and i like inferred from there. the end of this event was nice! it was cute. i dont rly have much thoughts on it but im so hype for the winter play
Hello:!!! so good to see you again, freshly learning from your mistakes then :3c
the connection with Citron is a BLAST to read about. I am glad that Citron is there, on your mind, supporting you at every turns of language. It's beautiful.
AND OH THE POKEMON LIST!!! thrilled to hear about it being a wip ongoing! take your time ofc and i hope you'll feel more confident as you go for your characters interpretation! i believe in you!
lmao i'm glad the events help you remember to play a3, i'm sure that by the time you'll be done with the events you will have unlocked so much of act 2 you won't have to worry too much about it. Anyway i'm glad you treat yourself to good things :3c
of course Hisoka fell asleep in the bath. tbh this event was a lot of "Hisoka almost dies in a spring house multiple times if it wasn't for his troupesmates". Between sleeping in the bath and almost swallowing the table tenis ball... where would we be without Winter, and especially Homare, taking care fo him.
I'm SO GLAD you like Homare that much! he's so so good! i'm sure there must be a masterlist somewhere, or well. can be done anytime i guess?? but yeah Homare is fantastic and LDJFDLKFJDF the evil plan to avoid dodgeball from both of you.. this is incredible DLKJFDLKF. But yeah alas he's loved by his own so he gets hit smh.
And yeah Hisoka is just acting sus huh.
BUT YEAH... YEAH... WINTER... BELOVED.... I feel regular and normal feelings for Winter as you know, s o .
(i'm so delighted that you feel that way about Taichi though, as he deserves!! what a good boy!!!)
But yeah Winter play next!!!!! i love the winter plays so much i hope you'll like it as well!! aND YEAH HISOKA AND HOMARE AS A DUO... for a DETECTIVE story?? so good.
I'm sO GLAD you like their dynamic! yeah i adore it too. Homare was so quick to leap into taking care of Hisoka? Like i mean he immediatly called him sleeping beauty when they first met, and immediately decided to be his roommates to watch over him, and then he did everything to take care of him and it's just so sweet. Homare has such a big heart he's so gentle with Hisoka. Homey and comfortable, whenever Hisoka admits it or not ahah.
ahah wouldn't be Sakyo if he didn't need to stay cheap. BUT YEAH the Sakyo/Azuma dynamic is pretty good. oh the event you talk about i think is in some of his very first backstage storyes (that you can read if you have them since they're at this point of the chronology). There's one where they play a mafia game and Sakyo is warry of Azuma because "people like him are those you need to worry about the most" and Azuma is just ":) you wound me :) i would never :)" and then Azuma wins the game and starts to mess with everyone. It was so fun. and yeah i see which clip you mean for the stage play!! it's so so fun they have such a neat dynamic and i loved to see it in this event as well.
and omg worrying about Taichi while he was just there preparing a fun time! this child really would have worried us all back then huh
but AHH YEAH TASUKU TAICHI.... It's such a neat dynamic! ofc i won't say anything but man i love the potential of their stories, as the two ex Godza boys. To see them bond and be comfortable with each other always make me so soft.
OH NICE CATCH FOR THE PUN! i think it must be the reason for it tbh, i love it! thanks for pointing it out!
The talent show was really fun yeah ahah! I wonder what it is in Japanese too but at least the localization was hella fun!
"anyways the way banri and juza being themselves Are the entertainment." THEY'RE SO SILLY I love them so much
AND LMAO YOUR REACTION AT AZUMA I LOVE IT. YEah i think Tasuku and Omi are just flexing (which is Still. SO FUNNY. Just there saying "our talents is.. our muscles...") meanwhile Azuma is like "my talent is that i'm crazy hot :)"
But YEAH Azuma... AZUMA WHAT DID YOU DO....
your read on Azuma's personality feels pretty spot on to me ahah omg. Staying with what you know about him, the fact that with his job and all, he seems like he's starving for connection while also terrified to make himself emotionally vulnerable. He loves staying with people, listening to them, caring for them, and he's touch starved as hell (i mean it's his job) but he doesn't seem to really know how to be on the receiving hand of affection. there's a flair talk, i can't remember where, with Omi at some point, where Azuma compliments him, and Omi is just "mhm.. but you know i think that it's more about you" and ends up complimenting Azuma in depth and it let Azuma dumbfounded because he didn't expect Omi to trick him at his own game, while Omi just genuinely don't get why Azuma is reacting that way. He gives he gives he gives, and he's genuinely happy with that, but he seems to have difficulties to take, or to demand for something, while also starving for it. I have so many emotions for Azuma.
Any mentions of Juza's little bro are the best things. I love this type of mention TwT
And yeah it was such a laid back event. Honestly deserved after the crying fest that was The Stranger imo. It's good to relax once in a while and it was nice to have them have fun. There was the bitterness of both Azuma and Sakyo's past that was always a bit looming but everyone was working so hard for them to enjoy themselves that the joy just overtake any sadness i loved it.
Sakyo worrying about Izumi is always adorable TwT
And yeah the Table Tennis match was so fun and chaotic LMAO. I love the dynamic between Juza and Hisoka. Just two usually quiet boys who like sweets. Except that yeah like you say, as long as Banri is around, Juza cannot be 100% quiet. Rip.
THE CG WAS SO PRETTY i loved seeing it. And omg you can share your hairtips with Azuma how nice :D Azuma manages to make everything look beautiful smh....
Oh yeah Taichi and his first love! if i recall he mentions it quickly at the begining, that Yuki reminds him of his first love, and he says that again at some point - then the fake Portrait he does he mentions his first love again. And since then it's been a reccuring topic so yeh :3c
but yeah! this event was really sweet and laid back, not much to say about it, but it was nice to have it at all!
Hope you'll like the winter play :3c
Take care and thank you again for your thoughts <33 i love reading them!! bless you!!
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Writer ask meme - everything divisible by 3
Sorry this took so long to reply to! I was writing out my responses today, but while watching Rosewell New Mexico with my roommate and that show is SO good. anyways this is really, really long so I will put part of it under a read more however if you are reading TAoL and want a sneak peak at an upcoming chapter, my answer to 36 is the entire first scene for that chapter
3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing?
Other than the obvious writer's block, I think that my least favorite part is feeling insecure/wanting validation via comments and such. Writing is something I really enjoy doing and take great pride in trying to grow as a writer, but it's impossible to completely shake off that feeling of insecurity and sadness over something that doesn't get comments. There's this common thing in fandom where like you can pour a lot of heart and energy into something, be really skilled, only for it to get overlooked. There's obviously a lot of reasons for that, but some of those reasons are kind of annoying—like god forbid something not have sex in it, ya know?
6. Favorite character you’ve written?
So, that's hard.... If we're talking the canon Naruto characters, it can really vary from story to story. I obviously enjoy writing Gaara and Lee, but I was surprised to find that I really enjoy writing Shikamaru, Kankurou, Temari, Neji, and Tenten as well. I think all of them are really interested, have a lot of potential, and are fun in very different ways. Kankurou is definitely just flat out fun to write, and I think Tenten is very similar in the way she's fun to write. I think this like handful of characters are all faves for very different reasons so it's hard to say who my absolute fave is, but I really enjoy writing all of them. Definitely my fave thing is being able to write all of them interacting together, however.
9. Favorite/least favorite tropes?
Least: Soulmates. I hate that shit with a passion—it's boring, it's artificial, it's easy. There was a post I just saw recently that said “soulmates are stupid. I love you on purpose” and that just sums up so much of my issue with soulmates. If something is predetermined by some fucking cosmic power, do you really ever love that person? Do you really ever know that person? Soulmate AUs will always be something that bore me and also insight anger. It's just not for me, and I wish that fandom spaces would just get over it, in all honesty.
Fave: uh. I don’t really know about like trope-wise. I just really like anything with good world building and politics.
12. Which story of yours do you like best? Why?
Oh gosh.... um. That's really hard to answer because every story I write has a special place in my heart for different reasons. Alliance is my baby; TAoL is a huge emotional investment and has allowed me to grow even more as a writer; Absolution is something I've always wanted to explore; Flyweight Love is super fun and cute; IEYH is a new experiment in writing for me; GoD was also an experiment... and on and on. It's hard to pick like a favorite story because like they're all my faves in different ways. There are certainly things I like more or prefer, like I'm not that into modern Aus as much so it's easier for me to say that like Find Me isn't a one of my best—it isn't, there's a lot of things I want to fix on it, and while it is a decent fic, it's not like groundbreaking imo. But like for all of the things that need fixing with Alliance, that fic is my baby and really grounded me as a writer in a way no other writing project had before it. So like I could never not love it. Anyways, I'm babbling at this point, but basically I love all my fics so I can't choose.
15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing?
Rereading my writing tends to help and hoarding some of my favorite comments I've been left by readers. I know I'm a good writer, self-doubt and insecurities aside, so re-reading stuff is really a good confidence booster—but when that's not enough, it is really helpful to look back at old comments.
18. Tell us about that one book you’ll never let anyone read
Of mine??? Well, obviously by 'book' we're going with fanfiction because none of my original content is at a point where I'd really even consider it for this question. Um. Honestly, I don't think there's much if anything. Maybe some HP fics but not because I'm not like... proud of the writing or premise. Like I'd say my ideas are really good, it's just a matter of like my own time management and shit.
21. What aspect of your writing are you most proud of?
My world building. I'm also generally proud of the premises I come up with, and the themes I explore with my writing. Like I think I'm a good writer in terms of the like technical writing aspect—pros and such—and also characters, but I think I excel at world building and overall plot.
24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author?
The first time I ever wrote anything I was seven years old. I was at a party for my mom's boss? I think it was a birthday party? Anyway, I was the only kid there—which was fine because I was used to being the only kid in gatherings—but I was sitting alone by like a window and I just like started writing a poem about the night. That was like the first time that writing really became a part of me. When I was thirteen, when my mom got sick, I started writing poetry more. And when I was fourteen, I started writing fanficiton and that's kinda just... never stopped. I've been writing stories ever since.
27. Every writer’s least favorite question - where does your inspiration come from? Do you do certain things to make yourself more inspired? Is it easy for you to come up with story ideas?
My inspiration comes from everywhere, not to like be cliched. But inspiration really is in everything and everyone. I tend to find inspiration really easily in music, but it's also in just like the day-to-day; it's in other writers; it's in washing dishes; it's in a day trip to the ocean; it's in a quote or a touch or a word. Like genuinely, it's in big things and little things and things that shouldn't even be things. I don't feel like I really struggle with inspiration so much as motivation, really. And that is... a much harder thing to find sometimes (especially when you're mentally ill)
30. Do you like to read books similar to your project while you’re drafting or do you stick to non-fiction/un-similar works?
Um. I like to read fantasy mostly, but I don't look for something similar or different from my projects intentionally. I just.... look for things that I like? But I don't really know how to explain that lol
33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like?
Since I'm writing mostly fanfiction and the culture of having a beta reader has dwindled significantly, making it hard to find one, I do a lot of self-editing. I'm usually re-reading a lot as I'm writing. So until a chapter is done, I'm always going back and reading/editing before moving on to the next scene. And then once I'm done writing a chapter I'll usually edit it about two or three times in full in the document, then I put it in draft on Ao3 for another edit before posting.
36. Post a snippet
All right a snippet..... Let's go with something from: The Art of Love, Chapter 13 (not the next chapter, but the one after). Since I left everyone hanging for so long with that last scene of Gaara and Lee, this is the entire first scene to ch13:
It was all his fault.
If he hadn't let himself get so carried away in the dream of Gyokukakushin, in the dream of Gaara, in the dream of safety they didn't have this wouldn't be happening.
Their belongings had been stuffed haphazardly into their various bags. Despite how many times he'd checked and double checked, Lee felt sure that he'd overlooked something—some wayward item that had rolled beneath the bed or fallen behind the desk that would give them away.
Gaara had watched him silently, his thoughts kept to himself as Lee dashed about their room like a mad man.
“I think that is everything,” Lee managed over the mantra of 'My fault, my fault' cycling through his mind. His voice trembled as he spoke. Every inch of him trembled. Every breath he took rattled in his chest. Every beat of his heart was a stutter against his rib cage. Every ounce of blood pumping through his veins burned with the need to run.
“This is useless,” Gaara said, the first words he'd spoken since the beach.
Lee snapped his head up, meeting Gaara's enigmatic gaze. “But—”
“They don't set sail until the end of the month,” he reminded Lee. “What use is being packed? Besides, it will look suspicious if we leave now.”
Tears burned at the corners of Lee's eyes. “But if they are coming—”
“They're coming,” Gaara murmured. “But even if they arrive before we've departed, we have our disguises. You have to trust that we'll be fine.”
Lee's head spun. How could Gaara be so calm? How could he sit there, quiet and unshakable, when Lee felt as though the world were falling apart around them? How could he be so sure that eleven days from now, they'd set sail, free and undiscovered? How was he not furious with Lee for his complacency?
Gaara was at Lee's side before Lee could shake the spinning in his head, a gentle hand at Lee's elbow and a surety in his eyes.
“I know you won't let anything happen to me,” he told Lee, as soft and insistent as the thumb he'd once pressed against the corner of Lee's mouth.
“No. Never.” Lee's stomach twisted, guilt rising like the tide. He'd let his feelings jeopardize everything.
“Then what do you have to fear?”
A trembling laugh escaped Lee, soft and unsteady. He had everything to fear, yet Gaara's gaze implored him to forget those fears. He managed to speak, his tongue heavy with the lie, “I do not know.”
“Then do not know fear. It will make this harder for us, especially if the Daimyo's soldiers arrive before we've left.”
“If they do—”
“If they do, we will be as unknown to them as any other traveler. And if not, I trust your speed to carry us to safety.”
“We would miss our ship.”
“If it comes to that, so be it. We can find other ways of traveling to Tea Country.”
Lee allowed himself to believe all would be well because he couldn't believe anything else when looking into the depths of Gaara's eyes, but there was no escaping his gnawing guilt or the knowledge that his heart had led them to ruin.
39. Do you spend a lot of time analyzing and studying the work of authors you admire?
I wouldn't say a lot of time per say, certainly not as much as I should, but I definitely do like to analyze other works and learn new skills, etc.
42. How many drafts do you usually write before you feel satisfied?
I don't really write “drafts” per say. Since I'm just writing fanfiction, I'm usually just writing and then heavily editing. Sometimes editing does mean taking out and entirely rewriting entire scenes. And sometimes in writing fics, I do jump ahead—though very rarely—and write a rough draft of a future scene so I don't lose the idea/beats/etc, and then that will be re-written fully when I do get to it. But on average, I'm just doing a lot of editing.
45. First or third person?
Third, definitely. I'll never be able to write first person cause it just doesn't really suit me and, overall, I think that it's a very hard point of view to write from. For me, it takes a special
48. Do you prefer to write skimpy drafts and flesh them out later, or write too much and cut it back?
So before I write something, depending on what it is I will write an outline that can vary from a few sentences to like pages.
51. Are you a secretive writer or do you talk with your friends about your books?
A bit of both really. I love talking about the things I'm working on, but I also love to keep things a surprise so I can see what people's genuine reactions are to like plot twists or whatever. Of course, my problem is that I have to like—talk about my projects to stay motivated. It's a hard balance. I usually end up talking with my roommate since they also write fanfic for Naruto but not GaaLee. We can bounce ideas off each other, when we're stuck, etc.
54. Favorite first line/opening you’ve written?
Ugh this is another hard one... I think im gonna go with the opening from IEYH right now as one of my fave becuase I think I did a decent job of setting the tone of my very first horror project:
Too often, ghost stories begin with dark nights or horrible, gruesome death. Real ghosts don't follow the patterns of a novel; there are no beginnings, middles, and ends; no rising action and falling action; no denouement. Ghosts do not achieve resolution; ghost do not experience the climax of their own tale. There are no happy—or even sad—endings. There are no endings at all.
Ghost stories go on and on and on, rambling endlessly towards nothing and no where, only stopping for the finite amount of words one can speak or write in one's lifetime.
That is the true horror of death: ceaseless, unending nothingness.
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ok i know that’s kinda weird, but... what are things people do? like simple things that make them happy? my therapist told me to try and find a few things that i actually like to do. that make me happy, not anxious or freak out or hate myself. at first i said i kinda like drawing but them i find everything ugly so that must mean i’m a failure or that i like reading but i always need to reread stuff because simple sentences don’t make any sense so that must mean i stupid and unworthy of love. so i basically ffound out that i can’t do shit without feeling like shit. and me being dumb searched on google what do people do and fun things people do that makes them happy and google doesn’t seem to understand that some of us don’t really know how to function. so i had to ask the most unfunctional and functional social media platform i knew. she said it could be things as simple as the wind on your face. and now that i’ve been writing all this i though about a few things: i like feeling the sun burning my skin, the rain, car rides, being awake when it feels like the whole world is asleep and everything is quiet and it doesn’t feel creepy just wholesome as if you were on the tumbnail of a 3:00 AM but i’m still thinking about you lofi-hiphop/jazz music compilation, taking walks in the woods, going outside my house on the utility pole and transmittion tower field were the grass is now somewhat tall and lay or just look around with my cat, clouds reminiscent of a rennaissance painting, empty museums, sunsets, storms, firefighters and truckers who wave back, old bookshops, that one special grilled cheese at that one special place with that one special friend, taking a shower while sitting, poems, dancing on your own. ok. fuck. seems like i do know a few stuff damn. i felt really bad and stupid because i could find something that didn’t make me anxious even though all of these things still have something that makes me anxious, but if a disconnect for a while and just appreciate the moment i kind maybe sorta can a tiny bit. also one thing i’ve never done but i feel that it could be added to the list could be playing tennis (or hockey/ice skating in the winter) really late at night would be awesome. there’s a court right in front of my house, i just have to cross the street, that it, but there’s always people and that a no no. and me not being good at something the first time i try it also =l no no. so tennis during the day = very no no. lots of rambles for nothing. also most of the things i mentionned don’t really qualify but my therapist is the best so if i tell her i like breathing she’ll be supportive. but i think that can help other people to see that they have the same problem and some ideas to help solve it. so please share your ideas and experiences. lots of us need it, i sure do. i love you. and your worth it.
#mental health#mental health support#anxiety#therapy#therapist#happiness#depression#help#self love#self loathing#self hate#growing#positivity#body posititivity#confidence#advice#ask#mental health advice#therapy advice
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INFORMAL BOOK REVIEW TIME!
The Flowers Need Love To Grow Too by S J Blasko
This book is beautiful. I’m ashamed that I wasn’t able to bookmark all my favorite quotes (there are quite a few) but I’ll be rereading it again eventually so that I can do that.
S J Blasko’s writing has never disappointed me. I love their works with all my heart. The beauty and emotion in their writing overjoys me. I love how Blasko formats their books. They used their own handwriting to title all the poems, and I thought that was a neat little detail.
I love all the art portrayed here (some by the author, some by others) and I’ve always liked how they draw around their poems, so I’m glad to see it in this book as well. Blasko‘s writing is amazing, both in the writing, drawing, and aesthetic department.
This book was pretty different from their first poem book, Midnight Comes, but I enjoyed it anyways and I’m so glad I picked it up. It’s much more personal.
It took me 5 days to finish this book because I didn’t want it to end, Honestly I’m kinda sad I finished it, I wish it was longer, despite it being 3 times longer than the majority of poetry books I own (at a whopping 202 pages if you count the very poetic acknowledgements and authors note, but ignore the table of contents, which makes it 207 pages)
I’m not too good at writing poetry book reviews because poetry is very subjective but I’d put this one very high up on my list. If you like poetry, I’d definitely recommend this one.
5/5 stars
#informal book review#book review#books#book#poetry#poetry book#indie#indie book#indie poetry book#indie poetry#author#writer#poet#book rec#book recommendations#pink#bookstagram
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hi hello IVE BEEN WANTING TO SAY THIS FOR THE LONGEST TIME OK BUT I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SEND AN ASK N IVE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT 😭 anyway just a message of pure appreciation for your writing because your style is EXACTLY what i’d like to be able to establish in my own writing! honey boy is my absolute favourite, (also i started reading your fics right when i started stanning svt so i got into svt super fast bc of ur fics 😩) and i could reread it probs a couple thousand times,, no kidding. AHH I JSUT WANTED TO TELL YOU YOURE MY WRITING ROLE MODEL!! (i literally screamed when i got a reply from u in a comment section bc ur a celebrity to me)
ps. have you ever explored different areas of writing like maybe tried songwriting / poems or literature forms other than story writing? also! how long did it take you to get your writing to your current level?? love and sincerely - probably your biggest fan, n :)
OMG that is genuinely so sweet 😭 you r such an angel and i’m extremely BEYOND flattered by ur msg! 🥰 i’m happy to hear that you had fun w/ honey boy teehee, it’s truly a whirlwind of all my fave genres and i’m glad u enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!! like thank u so much 🙏 ur words r too kind!! BUT NOW I’M KINDA WONDERING who you are since u mentioned that i replied to you 🤣
and to answer ur questions: NO i honestly haven’t explored any other writing apart from straight up fanfic! i feel like—personally—things such as poetry & song writing just aren’t suited to me bc i prefer an endless canvas to sort of articulate my plots? (which is why a majority of my fics end up being 10k+ sjjsjs I JUST CANNOT BE BREIF) and i feel like to be a song writer or poet you need to be succinctly powerful with ur words. i rly struggle with brevity so i don’t think i would enjoy those!
hmmm i think i started writing fanfics in 2014? since that’s sorta when i got into kpop which was like a catalyst for me! i actually started on wattpad (those r dark days we do not speak on or dare to revisit…) 🌞 but even before then i just wrote little stories in my journal for fun! however it definitely took me abt four years to develop and settle into a personal style! and i think it’s still changing little by little as i grow as a person, learning and maturing, etc. obv the more you write the more you improve!
#that’s what i like abt writing is that it grows with you!#anywho#THX AGAIN FOR SUCH KIND WORDS <3 and i rly wish u well on ur writing journey! 💓🧚♀️#n: moonbeam#t: choco’s letters
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