#i make it so they just have normal ass kids no trauma involved. i like soft domestic aus from time to time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

team7-headquarter · 5 months

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Team 7 introductions are like:

Naruto: I want to obtain POWER so I can force people to look at me like an actual human being and not a monster, haha! They won't ignore me or isolate me anymore! They're gonna BEG ME and put their lives on my hands and— Oh and ramen. All the ramen. And maybe prove to everyone that they are dumb ass fuck for not believing in me? Yeah, prove them wrong, that's cool! And and and Iruka-sensei is cool! I'm so happy when someone does the bare minimum and respects my life and acknowledges the fact that I'm just a kid and that I'm suffering (one of) the craziest discrimination acts applied by our government Hokage...

Sakura: you know how the first real goal I got like the first thing I wanted for myself after years of being bullied and being nobody and wanting to disappear was the affection of this boy? Well, all these other girls think I don't stand a chance and that they'll get the boy, so I'm gonna win the boy and laugh at their faces. Does it mean that I need validation and affection and attention and love? Not, what are you saying, I have a perfect normal life and parents that are totally involved in my life and I am happy! So happy! I wouldn't know what sadness or loneliness is like! Never! I'm normal and totally nothing to worry about!

Sasuke: you'll find that the things you like in life are meaningless when you carry the trauma of being the sole survivor of a genocide committed by the brother you loved and adored. I want him dead which shouldn't be surprising given that we live in a society ruled by violence, right? I hate a lot of things because I'm painfully aware of how miserable our reality is. Since this is my trauma, no one else has the right to do something about it. They certainly didn't seemto have the balls to go after him, even when they call him criminal, so I'm gonna kill Itachi myself. Obsessed you said? Try enjoying life when you know someone can commit genocide and no one would give a fuck and the government won't do a thing. Try caring for others knowing they can get kill any day and you'll have to look the other way. I dare you to.

Kakashi: *most emotionally neglected adult in the village, abandoned as a kid, saw his father do the right thing and get so socially pressured he ended up commiting suicide and the government didn't give a shit, forced to become a perfect weapon at young age to show off the village strength, forced to become an elite assassin as a kid, people in the village widely making fun of his trauma and acting like he's just weird / peculiar and not on the verge of losing his mind for real, a champ at dissociation and a minute more away taking roots in front of the graves of his mistakes because he spent way too much time there in self-punishment, basically the most miserable jounin in the whole village*

Kakashi: hm, I won't let you get to know me or get close to me because everything I touch dies and I don't want to get attachments because you're soldiers and you might die and it doesn't matter that I have history with two of your families and that you all remind every single minute of the boy I watched die and the girl that I killed and the boy used to be. You will never know any of that. I am a whole man with a whole life that you'll never know because I am just your superior here and you must obey me in our missions. I'm definitely not hiding the fact that the village just failed me and set me up to be the one who failed you all in case you get killed or lose your shit once and for all.

#naruto #team 7 #og team 7 #team kakashi #kakashi hatake #naruto uzumaki #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno #naruto classic #og naruto

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punkeropercyjackson · 2 months

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Is the Pjo fandom aware that Percy is like.......actually not a normal person.Not the demigod thing,i mean he's neurodivergent and has mental illnesses from trauma so his set of beliefs,thoughts,onward actions and tastes are completely different from society's ideals and norms.It's not like he acts the way he does as a joke or to look cool,it's kinda a big thing he can't stop acting like himself no matter what???It gives him self-eestem issues but it really is for the better for everyone involved because it makes him an actual role model for irl troubled kids who got to read him grow all the way up until adulthood alongside us and him never masking being potrayed as what made him the best and realest hero in the whole franchise

He's never been tempted to join the gods and talks shit to them because he has no interest in power and they're child abusers who run an oppressive system,not because he's a BAMF and 'sassy'.He dosen't try to cover up his 'sensitive' and 'soft' emotions because he thinks they're stupid,it's a defense mechanism from growing up with an abusive stepdad,ableist bullies and teachers and a society that expects peak masculinity from him despite his desire for femininity instead and there's a reason why almost all his friends in the og series were girls and he insults other guys based on being too manly

Related to that,her complete lack of romantic interest in Nico wasn't because she's 'a tragically straight boy' but because she's A)At least only partially a man(transfem bigender)and he's gay and B)Too old for him and has some damn decency so she loves and treats him like her little brother and pseudo-son instead and she shouldn't be expected to return his feelings,much less be called a bad person for not,when she never fucking said she likes him or flirted with him and he loves her as his older sister/brother and sees her as mom/dad back and she also proceeds to do the same with Hazel within ONE book of knowing her since she's in the same parental situation as Nico and she used to take care of Tyson before he moved in with Poseidon and of Bianca as well before she died

Her loving and dating Rachel at one point wasn't 'toxic' or 'unrealistic' or especially not 'one-sided',they were just two teenagers finding solace in eachother due to similar experiences and being happy to indulge in the other's interests to the point where it became some of their's too and y'all deserve to get smacked upside the head for having the AUDACITY to make fun of her when Percy was all over her and Jason more than he was Book!Annabeth's little femcel ass(not you Leahbeth,never you Leahbeth)and erase her to say 'Percy's type is blondes' as if any actual punk like Percy would be into someone because they live up to traditional standards and when she hates 2/5 of the blondes y'all are talking about(Luke and Apollo)and her demisexual ass barely knows 1/5 of them,them also having an actual canon bf(Magnus + Alex)

They never wanted to be normal or special,they wanted to be ACCEPTED.They're an outcast because they can't hide who they truly are even though none of what makes them different is bad but they're not this or they're so that so it can't possibly be actually good that they're the way they are and do the things they do and that's how they get treated in-universe AND by bloggers who have 'a woman's place is in the revolution' or 'Boykisser' on their theme but get squeemish at the thought of positive change or queerness that's not packaged shipping tropes.Percy Jackson's not suddenly 'the standard protagonist' instead of a staple of representation for freaks because you're a poser

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m4ndysk4nkovich · 7 months

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Bro it bothers me sm when ppl are like “Debbie turned out like her mother” or “lip turned out like Frank” or saying that any of the kids turned out like their parents bc they didn’t??? They each have their own struggles and faults, but none of them turned out like their parents as they all broke the cycle??? Idk ppl are just dumb and don’t understand the story 😭😭😭

ok so bee, i saw this ask and i was about to give a normal response to this but then i was like, yk what- fuck it, so here’s a whole ass meta post about generational trauma in shameless and why i also hate this.

(i’m so sorry in advance i’m just crazy)

generational trauma in shameless

shameless is a show that portrays a lot of serious topics, especially topics regarding dysfunctional families, substance abuse, and mental illness. one of those topics portrayed is generational trauma. as someone who comes from a dysfunctional family with a lot of generational trauma, i feel like shameless portrayed this so well.

the first generation to start this (that we really got information about) is frank and monica’s parents. we learned the most about frank’s parents, so i’ll start off there. we learned the most about peggy gallagher, frank’s mother (who- fyi, debbie was kind of named after since peggy’s real name is margaret and that’s debbie’s middle name, so that adds to the whole generational trauma thing but whatever), peggy was an abusive monster. she had four sons, and her least favorite was frank. this was very apparent. she treats frank (and monica, we know she hated monica even though we never saw them together) like shit, and in 4x11, we learn that she raped frank as a child. in season 2, she gets out after being in prison for around eleven years and found joy in humiliating frank + could’ve killed carl with their meth lab. she sucked. her husband was also bad. we didn’t learn much about frank’s father, but we know that much like his son, he was an abusive drunk. he used to make frank wear a dress and would beat him. frank had a very traumatic childhood, which definitely played into the way he parented his children and decided to spend his adulthood. we don’t know a lot about monica’s parents, but we know that frank says that monica’s parents ruined her. monica’s mother is mentioned once in 3x06, where she’s calling fiona and forgets who monica is. one can infer she had dementia or something like it, and it’s implied she died by season 7. speaking of season 7, that’s where we meet her father, bill. bill is a crude man who criticizes everything. we know that he had little involvement in his daughter’s life, and was a army man, making monica a military brat.

so, one abusive addict parent and one uninvolved parent. sound familiar?

i don’t think i need to explain much about frank and monica, but i will anyways. frank and monica made fiona on accident and monica didn’t want her, not long after lip was born, frank went to rehab and monica and clayton made ian. when debbie was born, frank wanted to sell her. when carl was born, monica left not long after. when liam was born, monica, yet again, left weeks later. monica is uninvolved, and frank isn’t necessarily uninvolved, but he isn’t really involved either. frank was the black sheep of the family and the least favorite. his father hit him (we’re lead to believe he was the only one who was hit) and he seemed to have had it pretty rough, maybe it’s just me, but when i hear that, i think of ian. monica and frank are both victims of their environment. being a military brat, monica most likely moved around a lot and felt very lonely. so, she found comfort in the lifestyle that was moving constantly, and didn’t really grasp the concept of two parents being there constantly. that, her addiction, and her disorder played parts in her parenting style. frank grew up humiliated and was smart, but became an addict and a drop out. he tried to improve his life on multiple occasions but failed each time. i will die on the hill that both frank and monica loved their kids, but not enough, not in the right way. something i feel very strongly about due to my own experiences is that you must heal before becoming a parent. growing up with unhealed parents puts you into a position nobody should be put it.

on the topic of growing up with unhealed parents, we have lip and debbie. lip and debbie both have hero complexes, and also both have always wanted nothing more than to have children. lip is an alcoholic, and one of the ways he copes with this and keeps his sobriety is by putting other people’s problems before his own. debbie is troubled, to say the least (it’s implied that she struggles with borderline personality disorder), and to cope with her crippling loneliness she self sabotages and prostitutes herself. in season 2, the possibility of lip being a teen dad was there and lip was willing to ruin his entire life for a kid that he wasn’t even sure was his. in season 3, he takes in mandy’s half-sister to save her from foster care. in season 8/9, he rescues xan and tries to become her guardian. ian describes him as the closest thing to a dad all of the gallagher siblings have ever had. in debbie’s case, from season 1 we learn about her caring nature. we see her care for her father, aunt ginger, and her babydoll. in the next season, she starts her own daycare and cares for those babies. she has wanted nothing more than her own family since her first appearance. she gets pregnant at fourteen and by fifteen, destroys a lot of her life for her baby. she likes feeling wanted and having a family and she loves caring for her daughter. (it’s also worth mentioning the similarities between frank and fiona and monica and ian, but that’s for another day).

so now, here’s the question: are lip and debbie frank and monica?

i’d say no. lip is still struggling with active addiction, by season 11, he is not recovered, he relapsed and the ending is so ambiguous (purposefully, every character’s ending was left up to interpretation) that we don’t really know what’s going on with him pre-11x12. but there is that scene where lip gives fred this speech about how frank was an addict, and gave lip alcohol as a kid, and now lip’s an addict. and lip tells freddie that he would never do that to him. i feel like that alone gives us the assurance that lip isn’t like frank (in that way). but is debbie monica? also no. many fans are inlove with the idea of debbie abandoning franny, it seems to be all they talk about, but as a self-proclaimed debbie expert (lol) i’d say that that’s blasphemy. debbie would go through hell for franny, and in 11x08 delivers a monologue about why she will never leave franny. that doesn’t mean she’s a flawless mother, she isn’t, but she’s also twenty. i think that the most confirmation we have that debbie isn’t like her mother is in season 7 when she loses franny. she goes through absolute hell over losing her child. monica gets franny back and claims to relate, but debbie (and viewers) can tell that it’s different. we know that the gallagher’s were taken away on multiple occasions, and we know that when monica found out her kids were taken from her, instead of coming home, she willingly signed the rights to them away.

anyways. i completely agree that they are not like their parents; are they like them in certain ways? absolutely. but i also fully believe that the two of them are breaking the cycle. fred and franny will grow up and never have to worry about having a roof over their heads, they will never worry about not having food in their stomachs, they will never find themselves without a parent for a year or two. they will, hopefully, grow up with no substance abuse issues and no mental health issues. hopefully.

#cw: rape #cw: abuse #cw: substance abuse #cw: generational trauma #shameless #shameless us #shameless meta #peggy gallagher #bill darrgen #frank gallagher #monica gallagher #lip gallagher #debbie gallagher #freddie gallagher #franny gallagher #you: sends a simple ask #me: *writes an entire essay*#in advance- i didn’t read this before posting because i’m too busy so if there are errors mb

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suchawrathfullamb · 4 months

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For some reason I like to think Wills mother took care of him at first until she left because of the father. She left before Will could remember any of it, like when he was still a baby. Will is nurturing for someone who never had a mother's love and he seems to be attracted to "normal" female figures (Molly, Alana). I think Will also indicated once that his father made him have a bad childhood from being poor/constantly traveling in cold conditions and I doubt the mother was willing to put up with that. Will does not seem particularly fond of his father. Perhaps for Will the mother figure represents an order and normalcy that his childhood lacked, that is father pushed away from him by being himself? You can see this dynamic playing out with Hannibal vs Will's female love interests.

Hmm, I don't know. For the nurturing behavior to be something he got from his mother, she couldn't have left him that early. If it was so brief that he could not remember her, then her care wasn't relevant to etch itself unto his personality. His choice of words is what made me believe she left him as a newborn, "Never met her" as in just never even met. Not "she left when I was a baby" or "I barely knew her", just as if she never even existed, "never MET".

But, actually, I don't find Will nurturing at all. He cares for his dogs, which he seems to "collect" to have a sense for effortless loyalty and affection, but he actually seems to draw in nurturing people, making him their opposite.

Molly, as he hinted himself, took him in like a stray dog; Alana said she wanted to "save him", and even Hannibal himself was a motherly figure to him in many exchanges, in terms of being the one person who was caring for him, "you made me chicken soup". Also, he has a line that goes "abandonment requires expectation" hinting at his own wound. He said he followed his father around, so who else abandoned him? Probably his mother. I also don't see him having "attraction for normal female figures" as Alana and Molly are very far from normal.

Alana has a savior complex and literally gets involved with psychopaths or just overall unstable men, and even after seeing the truth, she falls under a delusion to fit her own fantasies and complexes.

Molly clearly has major issues, she marries some guy who has an extremely questionable and very public past, and allows him to live with her and her kid son! Very reckless of her, and then AFTER her and her son almost die, she still tries to play the "cool wife" (in the hospital, she gets mad...understandably, and punishes herself for it "uuh I almost got mad there" like girl?? yes??). So both are far, far away from normal.

Will has narcissistic traits and he feeds on these nurturing figures. Most likely *because* he never had a mother, he's trying to fill the void. He also lacks any sort of attitude or trait that someone who was well taken care of or nurtured would have. He lacks tone, he's usually very cut dry with people, he's often arrogant and rude. He cannot connect with Abigail, which would be easy for him to do so if he had a nurturing mother. He lacks tone with her, says crazy ass things, and a nurturing person would not do what he did to her, that reckless idea of just getting her out of the hospital and dragging her to a place she suffered horrible trauma in. The only people he was nice to, were the ones he saw himself in, very selfish motives, which were Georgia, Peter and Reba. He's "kinda of" nice to Alana because he's interested, but soon after he realizes he's not getting what he wants from her he becomes a bitch. When she says she wants to save him, he holds her hand in such a psychopathic way, with a completely cold look on his face, it's actually so funny.

To sum it up, I don't think the show and the character give any indication of having had a nurturing mother, or a mother at all.

#hannigram #nbc hannibal #hannibal #will graham #murder husbands #hannibal lecter #hugh dancy #mads mikkelsen #ask the lamb

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princess-of-the-corner · 11 days

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Ok so like, would Himiko run into Dabi and/or Twice during her internship and that's how they meet? She lets them go because technically she doesn't have clearance on arresting them but Dabi sees it as bro move.

So like it's more.

I mentioned before how in CC it's more than just Katsuki who gets kidnapped by the LoV. Himiko and Shoto also get yoinked. (I'm debating on them yoinking Shinso too). Because they all have 'villain potential'.

And I'm like. Expanding on how long they're with them.

So it's a weird ass kidnapping where yeah they're held hostage and all, but it's a recruitment tactic.

And most of the gang is. Decently nice? And clearly not wanting to hurt them. Honestly the only one who seems okay with it is Shigaraki but even then it's more of a 'what do you mean that being kidnapped and handcuffed until you agree to join villainy isn't normal?' which raises red flags on his childhood but everyone else is in a state of 'look we'd let you go, but the Big Boss says you have to stay handcuffed until you make your decisions on joining or not so let's have some fun in the meantime!'

Himiko has a weird time with it because she can vibe with the group. She was so close to becoming a villain, so she Gets It™. (Katsuki is too on edge from previous traumas to really relax that much, and Shoto would be more chill if Dabi wasn't so weirdly familiar).

Like it's. It's kinda the Beauty and the Beast thing? Where yeah technically they're being held against their will but they end up bonding? Not in a Stockholm Syndrome way but just genuinely.

It's really only when AfO shows up that they feel like they're in genuine danger.

Ofc the kids get rescued and yadda yadda but then we have the plotline of Shoto pulling an uno reverse card and yoinking Dabi back home. And like.

Himiko has a weird thing of she kinda misses the group and all. So she gets involved in that plotline of 'hey maybe more friends than just his siblings can help?'.

Which as that plotline devolves into Toya 'taking the league in the divorce', she gets reunited with the group.

#tpp au #technically

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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years

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I don't know if this is planned out well but maybe ash gets bullied at school bc fez didn't come to his eight grade graduation because he needed to help Lexi and then they have an argument when fez comes home?

I like this a lot! I hope it's what you were thinking of, the pov is a little odd but I tried my best! This isn't completely proofread cuz I have a terrible headache.

I'm sorry again for not posting, I should have been and I'm sorry. I hope this is good.

Ash always thought that he had a fair life.

He was born into drugs and violence but was also born into a job, a lifetime job where he could kick ass and take names beside his favorite person in his whole world. He was always safe, even if he was in unfavorable environments, he never got terribly injured other than a broken arm when he was three and that one time where he ate to many pot brownies (which he did not know were pot) and threw up all over the inside of his grandma's car.

But he was happy and he got to do whatever he wanted.

Minus one thing; he never really got to do well in school because his mind was always elsewhere and the adults around him didn't really care too much. That is until Lexi came into the picture.

He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't the slightest bit jealous when Fez started to spend all of his time texting and talking with the young, bright girl. But once Ash met her and actually sat down to get to know her, he began to understand why Fezco loved her as much as he did. She was special and inspirational and a little bit insane.

But when finding out that Ash didn't attend school or when he did, he failed, she was really mad at everyone involved; especially Fezco.

Fez didn't go to school as much as he should and ended up failing out at the ripe age of sixteen. But he was met with support from his grandma and never really saw the importance behind finishing school. The same attitude applied to Ash when he didn't do very well early on in school so he didn't push the kid to go.

Trying to fix family trauma and poor life choices, Lexi immediately made it her job to enroll Ash back in school and get him tested to see where he lies in the academic timeline. She stayed late to help him study for the test and helped him catch up in places where he was lacking like history and english. He didn't struggle much in math and science since his job since birth really revolved around the two subjects.

He ended up passing the test and it was calculated that he fell around the seventh grade mark. It matched his age pretty well so he didn't feel like he would stick out like a sore thumb, but he didn't really know how to socialize with people his age without corrupting them with his ways of life.

But he did well.

Better than Fez or him could've possibly imagined.

He passed seventh grade with an 85% and even got an award for being the most improved at their award ceremony at the end of the year. Lexi and Fez were there front row, along with Rue, and they cheered and clapped and made him feel appreciated in a way that he never felt before. He was finally doing something that he was supposed to and he was doing good too. He was talking to people his age and making friends, getting out in the world in a safe way, doing normal pre-teen things with other appropriate, safe people.

He was beyond proud of himself and it changed his whole outlook on the world and where he thought he was going in the world. Just because Fez wanted to deal drugs and be a stoner for the rest of his life, it doesn't mean that Ash had to do the same thing with his life.

And he didn't want to be Fez, even though he loved and looked up to him more than anyone.

By the time eighth grade came and went, Ash was increasingly more nervous about his middle school graduation, knowing that he would soon have to enter high school but also that he had to walk across a stage that looks out over hundreds of people.

It scared him more than he could put into words but he would never tell anyone, not even Lexi even with how supportive she was about everything that had come before.

When he started to think of people to invite to his graduation, his mind immediately went to his main three people; Lexi, Fezco and Rue.

Rue would be there without a doubt cuz she never has anything better to do, so he could check her off the list.

Lexi had promised him, the minute she found out about the graduation, that she would get Fez dressed up enough to go out and sit there in the audience to cheer for him and Ash tried to put the anxiety and worry out of his mind the minute she promised him that. Lexi never broke her promises.

But she did.

He never realized the repercussions that would come following his graduation when only Rue stood up to cheer for him. He didn't have his phone on him so he didn't see the missed calls and missed text messages that came from both Fez and Lexi, explaining that they couldn't make it because Lexi and Cassie had a full blown fight and that Lexi needed to go to the ER.

Ash was angry, sure, but at first his disappointment was covered by his worry for Lexi. The anger and fury that came later stemmed from the bullying and nagging that he was getting from the other students following graduation, teasing him for not having parents, teasing him for not having parents, for not having anyone.

He kept it on the down low, not wanting to make Fez or Lexi feel bad.

Until Fez asked him if he was excited for high school.

"You think I'm the slightest bit excited to go into another four fucking years of school only for you not to show up?" Ash asks as cool as he can, his eyes slitting as he stares at Fez, shocked that he even would ask him that.

"Man, who put a stick up your ass-"

"You! And Lex!" He yells, his face reddening with anger as he remembers and feels the humiliation he felt the day of graduation. "When Rue stood up and you weren't fucking there, I was worried- fucking worried." He laughs bitterly, looking down at his fists that are clenched in his lap.

"I don't know why you're so angry dude." Fez huffs, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed firmly in front of him, head shaking in confusion. Ash can feel the tears rising in his eyes, frustrated and angry at Fez's obliviousness.

"The amount of shit I got from the other kids there, kids who had their parents, their grandparents- hell, their fucking fourth cousins." He sniffles, rubbing his hands down his face as he blows out a breath and Fez lets out a quiet sigh of realization. "I get that you were there for Lexi but..." He trails off, looking up at his brother with wide eyes, practically breaking Fez's heart as he approaches his younger brother.

"But I shoulda been there for you." Fez mutters, reaching forward to place his hands on his brothers shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug as Ash cracks a bit, a tear sliding down his cheek as Fez pats his back reassuringly.

"Yeah- fuck." Ash laughs tearily, gripping the back of his brothers shirt as his shoulders relax a bit, happy to finally have his frustrations out in the air. "I'm sorry."

"Stop fuckin' apologizing. It's on me."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane2828 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi

@crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @minjix @luvrosee @storytellingwitht

#euphoria #euphoria series #fezco #fezco x reader #fez #fez x reader #fezco fanfic #ashtray euphoria #ashtray #platonic!ashtray x reader

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daydreamerwonderkid · 10 months

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Thank you @airasilver for this question in reference to my OG Wayne Coven AU post

For what I have planned for this AU (and the eventual fic), I honestly go back and forth a LOT on whether Bruce would let his kids turn him.

A part of me even wonders if Alfred would accept the offer. I think it would pain him to put his grandkids in a position where they might have to live without him, but I also think Alfred would feel that he's lived a very fulfilling life. It wouldn't be a decision he makes lightly and regardless of what his choice would be, the Batkids would respect it.

Personally, I feel the issue would be a lot more delicate and complicated for Bruce. I genuinely believe Bruce would be content with his humanity and I could even see it playing a part into his moral code. The setting I have in mind for this AU is a more supernatural Gotham (though to be fair, vampires/werewolves/magic just exist in DC canon so it's not that much of a stretch). The only big difference that I can see in this AU vs actual DC canon is just that vampirism is more commonplace and comes with its own set of complicated societal issues.

Because of that, I could see Bruce viewing his humanity as a tool to help him feel for the fear and pain of others. Also a big part of Bruce's identity as Batman was him attempting to transform his own fears into something he could use to fight against the evil and corruption he saw in Gotham. I think there might be a small bit of Bruce that worries that gaining vampiric abilities would rob him of his identity/motivation.

There's also the fact that Bruce in DC canon is already an outlier among the Justice League for being one of the very few humans with no supernatural/magical/alien/meta/god-like abilities. So placing him in a world where a good portion of the populace is made up various types of vampire wouldn't really change much in that regard.

I think he'd actually find a little bit of enjoyment in the fact that being a normal human guy doesn't stop him from kicking supernatural ass. And having a literal coven made of vampiric children to help him out doesn't exactly hurt, either.

Ultimately, though, what I think Bruce would struggle with most is the idea of putting his kids through the horrible ordeal of burying him. Especially considering that he knows how they'd all react if he ever rejected their offer.

Which is why nobody ever brings the idea up. All the Batkids know how important being human is to Bruce and they know it would be painful for everyone involved to even ask. I have to imagine that their have been many late night discussions between the Batkids about how terrified they are of the possibility of losing Bruce even if it would be to a natural death. Some of them were human before they were turned as well. So a few of them would understand where Bruce was coming from even if they don't like the idea of him dying human.

But like I said before, I think Bruce would start to feel guilty and even a little disgusted with himself as well. Bruce knows very well how painful it is to lose a parent and most of his children's trauma stems from similar experiences. The thought of putting his kids through the same thing again definitely eats him up inside the older he gets.

If I had to pick a time when Bruce would ever be open to the idea of being turned, it would have to be the day he officially retires from being Batman. Whether that's due to a serious injury, old age or because Gotham truly doesn't need him anymore, that's hard to say.

Even then, I don't think any of the Batkids would actually offer to turn him until Bruce brings it up first.

#dreamer talks #wayne coven au #vampire batkids #vampire batfam #batfamily #batfam #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #long post is long #i hope that answers your questions!#i ended up deleting the original reply #cause i felt like the og post was getting too long #so hopefully this will help keep things #a little nicer #thanks for asking btw!!!#and feel free to ask any other questions you might have <3

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zurajanaizurakoda · 17 days

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Katsura's Lasik Adventure

This post is still on my mind, where Elizabeth discovers that Katsura has always had bad eyesight but hates Amanto technology and refuses to acknowledge that there's anything wrong with him. Specifically when I suggested Elizabeth would want to perform non-consensual Lasik on him while he slept. I'd like to clarify that non-consensual activities are normally very bad but this is a scenario that would very much happen in Gintama, wouldn't be weird by their standards, and would make you laugh. So anyway,

(mild warning for comedic violence, especially if you don't like eye trauma)

Gin and Elizabeth accidentally knock Katsura out while fighting over whether they knock him out or drug him (Of course Gin is on this shit, Elizabeth showed up and indicated through signs that she intended to fuck with Katsura-san in a way that is morally indefensible and technically felony assault, but in the end would be beneficial to him and might even help keep him safe and Gin didn't even put up a pretense of asking for a payment, he was down with that.

(to be fair, I think Gin feels this way about anyone vulnerable to social degradation)

Also, yes, they were arguing about how to kidnap Katsura right in front of him, he's famous for not paying attention.

So anyway, he's already unconscious so why look a gift horse in the mouth. It takes them all of fifteen seconds to convince the Lasik people that Katsura was nervous and got drunk before the procedure (because Gintama) and (because Gintama) it's either a 5 second procedure reminiscent of scanning a barcode or it's a lengthy horror scene reminiscent of the dentist episode where Katsura is strapped into a machine in a blatant rip-off of Clockwork Orange and you don't see the procedure, just the increasingly distressed looks on Gin and Elizabeth's faces as you hear sounds of power tools that should not under any circumstances be used around eyes. You know there is no in between.

In any case Katsura is fine by the next scene and they leave him where he was knocked out. As he's waking up it occurs to them they never came up with a reason for his eyesight to change and as Katsura sees leaves on trees for the first time they run through a dozen unlikely scenarios before they settle on convincing him he must have hit his head in the exact right spot to activate superhuman vision. (Medically plausible! Didn't you hear about that one guy in that one place?) And within a minute Katsura's convinced that his eyesight was always fine but now it's omniscient.

He proceeds to lecture Gin and Elizabeth on their poor eyesight, drawing attention to things any sane person would notice normally like he's unveiling clues at a crime scene, laughs boisterously about everything and being generally insufferable until they mutually decide to kick his ass (most Katsura-centric plots involve this in some way)

To everyone's surprise, he becomes more clumsy (because he's distracted by everything) and his swordsmanship becomes significantly worse (because he's used to fighting based on sound and vague movement and all the new visual information is confusing and overwhelming) And for a week or two Elizabeth and the Yorozuya are forced to shadow him and keep him out of trouble like a Buttons and Mindy episode (90's kids, amirite?)

#gintama #katsura kotarou #sakata gintoki #elizabeth #drabble #headcanon #not really headcanon at this point

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artsymyargentavislove · 2 years

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Boom!Shadow is Cream's self appointed guardian and this is my new canon (You can blame this fic for dis, THE POTENTIAL, MAN, I-)

Basically Shadow was just walking by and saw a bunch of kids bullying a rabbit and her chao, now, he could have just minded his own business but he has standars, he respects real strong people, not those who step on the weak because they just happen to be bigger or older and try to feed their fragile ego (Even if we are talking about literal kids, he takes it a bit too seriously) so he just steps behind Cream crossing his arms and glares down at them with absolute contempt and EVERYONE and their pets knows who's Shadow-who-has-destroyed-the-village-10-times-in-a-row-because-he-wanted-to-fucking-Hedgehog, and they run away like their ass is on fire thinking the rabbit they were bullying is gonna die in their place or smth.

Shadow THEN goes on his day but Cream. Follows. Him. Around. To to top it all of she's not only annoyingly polite she just simply... isn't afraid of him. Like. At all... Ok, he normally isn't that scary anyways but come on, he has a reputation to keep!

(The next scene)

Vanilla isn't happy when her daughter brings the most dangerous hedgehog of the whole island for a tea party. Shadow couldn't say no to the little rabbit, she's... persuasive. At least he tries to be a decent guest, given how awkward the whole situation is for both.

Somehow Cream also finds his cave, as long as she doesn't break anything he helps her with homework and teaches her self defense, much to Vanilla's chagrin, also several surviving skills (I kinda see her as a girl scout, she always runs first to his cave to show him her new insignias, he's so damn proud)

Rouge teases him so damn much about it, he can't even flip her off like he normally does because there's a child present-!

(Flower crowns, Flower crowns, Flower crowns-!!!!)

I can see him in the middle of a fight with Sonic, he goes through a wall in a cafeteria and lands right next to their table.

-''Morning, Mr. Shadow''.

-''Morning''.

-''Are you going to come home for dinner tonight? Mom is gonna make fruit pie!'

-''Yes, of course, uh, excuse me a second''.

(Gets out to keep fighting Sonic)

At this point I think everyone just rolls their eyes when this two fight and go on their day unless debris is involved XDDD

Imagine he teams up with Eggman again but when he's in the middle of wrestling with Sonic he notices Cream is in danger, he IMMEDIATELY flips the blue hedgy out of the way and runs to save her, no matter if he gets injured in the process. Nothing else matters, nor his mission either his rivalry, he can't let THIS one specific child be harmed in any way, shape or form. (Maria flashbacks intensify)

(I think also Shadow doesn't have many regards about his own safety or wounds because of his healing factor, which leads to him becoming somewhat self-sacrificial when someone he truly has grown to care about is in great danger, listen, he's gonna be fine, if he wants to be a meat shield he's gonna be one and there's nothing you can do about it.)

(He's a wild card too, as quickly as he can side with Eggman he can also turn on him if he as much looks wrong at the kid.)

Pls, gimme soft Shadow bonding with a child and also the inevitable having to deal with his trauma because he unconsciously projects his inability to protect the two people most dear to him and the idea that he's absolutely unworthy of any kind of love and/or affection into almost everything he does, like, he gets an ugly ass drawing of him with flowers and everything and he's gonna cry, I swear-

#boom!shadow #boom shadow #shadow the hedgehog #cream the rabbit #sonic boom #chaotic ideas #fanfiction ideas #inspiration #fanfic dumpster #free prompts

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amaskofmyart · 1 year

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A lot of the early doodles of my Sonic stuff, you can tell I’m still trying to figure out the style as well as the characters. Let’s see-

1: This was right around the time I saw the second movie and my eight-year old heart was so excited by the end credit scene that I thought I’d make a proper oc for my favorite boy. But I did also have an old ass oc from the eight-year-old brain that I wanted to bring back and give her more of a story. To be fair, she was just originally Hannah Montana the Hedgehog, because for whatever reason I wanted to be her (then again who at that time didn’t?). At the time of this drawing I hadn’t really begun to flesh her out. Now, Nex is not a fox. He LOOKS like a fox, but is much taller than normal mobians and darker shades on his fur - he is a Maned Wolf. And a total gay disaster! Clara there is a really early design I tried for my brother (it’s his oc) but she has a updated (and much better) look now, so look forward to that!

2: While the details of their meeting are still iffy as I write them, Nex and Shadow meet while Nex is still under Eggman’s “care”. Nex has known about Shadow and the events of the ARK thanks to all the files that Eggman had on them, and while he read every detail he could he couldn’t help but feel bad for those involved. He wonders what kind of person Maria would have been if not for her untimely death, if her disease could have been cured with the aid of Project SHADOW, and the ultimate life form himself! It must have been terrible to have your whole world ripped out from under you like some sort of circus act. Imagine his surprise when Eggman, his self-appointed new father, suddenly brings the very ultimate life form that Nex had spent many obsessive grief-filled nights over to their base! If only he wasn’t so socially inept perhaps he could… befriend him. (Or maybe date him or whateva lmao)

3: Hannah and Sonic are best buds. Hannah herself is a very famous singer, going all around Mobius preforming songs to breath hope and determination into the fearful citizens! She respects Sonic as the saviour of the world, but also knows just how fucking uncomfortable it is to be fawned over every waking minute - so she just treats him like a regular dude and in turn he does the same. Together they just get to be normal kids, doing whatever they feel like at the time, and if Robotnik comes out of nowhere to fuck them up their Speed-Power combo has most botniks out of commission in seconds! The purple one is Anti-Hannah, that’s right baby Anti-Mobius is a thing in my weird fucked up world because goddamn it I love the little fucked up versions (please no one tell Man Blenders (iykyk) about this). She’s Hannah’s opposite (duh) and is all in all a rude ass bitch. More on her later I suppose.

4: Nex is a genius. He was raised (if you can call it that) by Eggman, taken under his wing as a potential prodigy. The only problem, Nex hated Eggman. In his defense, Eggman had wiped out the entire Maned Wolf tribe Nex was apart of just because he was having a bad day - the only reason Nex was spared was because he showed great promise of ingenuity and brilliance at the young age of three - enough it reminded Eggman of himself and decided to spare the Maned Wolf and take him on as a son. Nex however never wanted to be his son, but knew that if he ever acted out, he would kill the young Nex without a second thought. Also Hannah has some real bad family trauma, more on that later as well.

5: Yin is one of two, and since her brother isn’t here I won’t go into to much detail about her just yet. But look forward to it ;-)

6: Hannah and Miley (Anti-Hannah) are both singers in their world, I imagine Hannah is more likely to sing songs like “Nobody’s Perfect” and uplifting shit like that whereas Miley is a total slut and will totally sing shit like “Gimme More” or “Radar”.

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meredithdoesfandoms · 2 years

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HOW DO YOU THINK THE PARTY WILL BE LIKE AS GROWN ADULTS?? I'D BE INTERESTED TO KNOW YOUR HEAD CANONS!!!

THIS IS SO BROAD GAHHHHH

byler- yall know im an absolute sucker for the Writer Mike™️ and Artist Will™️ hc. they definitely leave hawkins ASAP and go to university together. they always wanted to live in a bigger city, both because of the art scene, and because larger cities are usually more queer friendly. the problem is that will absolutely hates the cold, but also doesnt want to go back to california, or live in the south. basically he’s just a picky little bitch. honestly fuck it, ik the winters are cold but lets stick em in new york. mike gets him through the winter, and they keep their tiny little shoebox apartment at like 80F. (thats a good bit warmer than room temperature for those of u who dont use Freedom Units™️)

dustin- goes to UI and gets his masters. he works in like communications engineering for a while (is that like a thing? like he engineers different radio waves and forms of communication.) he then moves to indianapolis and becomes ur insanely cool high school science teacher. his coworkers think he’s fuckin weird, but the students LOVE him. I THINK HE AND SUZIE ARE LIKE HELLA ENDGAME. they live together and have a bunch of weird ass pets, and like 2 kids MAX. hes just suburban and happy :)

lumax- california lumax. i always imagined lucas working a pretty standard 9-5. not because hes a dull character, but he grew up in a stable home, and after everything max has been through, he wants her to feel secure and happy, like he did before everything went to shit. i have no fucking idea what max would do. lowkey i always hc her as being crazy good with kids, OH MY GOD WHAT IF SHE IS LIKE A PEDIATRIC TRAUMA COUNSELOR. im fucking genius that is so max. NO BETTER YET SHES A SOCIAL WORKER. because the system fucked her over, and nobody ever listened to her, so she advocates for children the way she wished someone did for her as a kid. this is canon because i say so fuck you. lumax doesnt plan to have kids, max has witnessed too many tragedies involving children, and cannot handle having her own. but they foster teenagers every once and while. then they foster one girl who’s a bit younger than normal, maybe 8. and then they accidentally fall in LOVE with this kid and fuck it, we’re adopting her she’s one of us now. and theyre a little family and its cute and max teaches her how to surf :))

el- this always interests me because i dont know what her life could even look like? depending on s5 outcomes things could look like 10 different ways. ik she isnt a strong student, so i like to think she goes to community college to see what she likes, because shes never really had a chance to explore that. i hope she finds something that makes her happy i fucking love this bitch. i saw an hc where she worked at the library in hawkins, so maybe she does that while she does community college classes. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YALL THINK SHE WOULD STUDY I CAN SEE LIKE 10 DIFFERENT THINGS. eventually she moves to california, to the same city as lumax. lumax’s kid calls her aunt jane, and they have dinners together and are happy because they all deserve the world ok.

the party remains intact to an extent. byler lives together, lumax lives together, and el lives in the same city as lumax. everyone reunites for the holidays, when will brings mike with him, and el brings lumax with her when they go home for Hopper- Byers christmas. dustin typically makes an effort to stop by while he is in town visiting his mother. even tho theyre in different cities, el and will talk on the phones every damn day. usually once, sometimes like 5 times daily. mike and el talk about once or twice a week, and byler talks to lumax about every other day. dustin creates a little bit more distance, but he makes an effort to call each person for at least an hour a week. there’s a lot of love between all of them :)

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knightcorqueen · 1 year

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Tell me about one of your OCs. Please.

Bro you're really gonna do this to me....okay, prepare for a long-ass response:

So my first ever OC was a vampire, because yes, I was that kid. Her full name is Evangeline Erin Corãn.

Her mother was a vampire, and her father was a human wizard. (I haven't quite figured out names for them, but oh well, we'll get there eventually) Her brother, Albus ended up taking after his father; soon becoming a world renowned sorcerer (and recognized military expert once he joined in the Hybrid war)

A little backstory on each of the parents:

Mother belonged to a family of 12. There was a mother, father, 8 sisters, and 2 brothers. In this vampire community, males were used as breeders; once they sired a litter of children, they were used as hunting practice for the little ones, and eventually killed off. If any boys were born, they would be kept around until they were mature enough to reproduce. Another tradition within this community was the "Battle of thy Brethren" which stated that, only 1 daughter could remain per generation - only 1 girl could carry the family's mantle. So Evangeline's mother had to compete against the 8 other girls within her family in order to survive.

It kind of broke her, not having a father, her mother being a terrible person, and then having to murder her other sisters just so she could survive. After her win, she ran away, not wanting to accept what she had done. While on the run, she met Evangeline's father, who was an absolute romantic and eventually won over her heart. She got pregnant - thought it was only with Evangeline, went back to her mother in hopes that her mother would accept her husband and allow traditions to change, mother ignored her until she gave birth,

lookie there, it's a boy and a girl!

Her mother tried to take away Albus- she was furious, mother threatened to kill husband, so she killed mother.

Ending result?: Trauma

Now onto the Father!:

Dad lived pretty normal life. He was a doorstep baby and was raised by 2 witches. He learned very early on that family doesn't have to be by blood, it's about love and those who can look beyond what you appear to be, and make you feel safe.

He was a very curious child and took a large interest in what his mother's were. So they taught him all they knew and watched him as he grew from a little boy, learning little bits of magic, into a masterful wizard who would use his newfound gifts to help spread joy around the world.

(One of the things he would do while courting Evangeline's mom, was constantly summoning bouquets of flowers from thin air to give to her. Bro had rizz.)

He met Evangeline's mom on his way to another town. He was in the middle of his exploration arc.

(Bro just wanted to explore the world and bam, hit with the power of love.)

Fast forward to Evangeline and Albus as young adults:

Evangeline and her mother do not have a good relationship, mainly because her mother was constantly pushing her to be as strong as possible, fearing that the past would come back to haunt them. Evangeline was jealous of her brother, feeling like he had more freedom to do whatever he wanted, while she had to become what she referred to as a "backup bodyguard." Outside of that, it was a loving family unit. Her father continued to use his magic for funny little pranks that he would involve both Evangeline and Albus in, regardless of how old they got.

(Adorable little side note: The dad would refer to Evangeline as his "little angel" The dad definitely had everyone's hearts - including mine)

Unfortunately I'm a terrible person, so here comes the angst-

A military team in charge of monitoring supernatural entities decided that the vampire community Evangeline's mother had belonged to was too dangerous to be allowed to continue on and decided to hunt down and kill everyone associated with them.

Evangeline and her family are surrounded, they all ready themselves to fight-

(I always think of the dad as Wanda Maximoff in this moment lmao)

Fight breaks out, Evangeline gets into the thick of it, and in this moment thanks her mother for preparing her. Dad ends up getting captured, uses magic to catch himself on fire, severely damaging the 3 soldiers who had ahold of him. Another soldier shoots him in the head, killing him immediately. The mother goes berserk, wiping out more than half of the soldiers, before a barrage of bullets finally puts her down. Albus and Evangeline both finish up the rest of the soldiers and rush over to their mother who is struggling to breathe, but will still survive.

Unfortunately, a second squad shows up as backup. Evangeline and Albus are told to run. Mother gets finished off and Evangeline picks up her brother and takes off. They both go into hiding for a few years.

Albus finally decides to finish his studying and goes back to his father's mage college. He buries himself in the work, aiming to be the strongest he can.

Evangeline blamed herself for not being strong enough, for not being a good enough weapon to save her parents. So she pushed herself to be harder, better, faster, stronger. After she felt she was ready, she set off to take down every single soldier involved in her parents death.

And that's my baby. My very first!

NOW UR OBLIGATED TO TELL ME ABOUT ONE OF YOURS!!

#ocs #ask answered #long-ass post

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padawansuggest · 2 years

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Anyways. PSA to anyone who has had COVID and now going to the bathroom is a traumatic and painful experience:

Okay so I was embarrassed to say this sort of thing because ew potty issues, but I have ended up hospitalized way too many times in my life to ignore my colon. It’s almost always the colon for me. My colon is hit or miss, mostly miss, and I had my first (hopefully last) colonoscopy at… idk 22?? 23 maybe.

So I recently told my GP, best GP ever who cares about both my pain levels and mental health, which is awesome, that going to the bathroom was becoming a trauma for me. Like it’s full on giving me nerves and anxiety when I feel the cramps.

She said oh no. I told her it’s been like this since I got COVID several months ago (getting worse over time I mean not me ignoring a major issue for 4 months) and it suddenly clicked in her and she had an entire list of things for me to get, and telling me about how COVID triggered a… allergy response. Like an immune response that is mainly attacking your bowels (half the trauma is because your bowels are soooooo inflamed that anything moving in there is hell) and it lingers. COVID hasn’t been around long enough for us to know how long it lingers but we know it’s at least a few months with it slowly getting worse so that’s not hopeful.

So this allergy response is attacking your bowels, the most likely place to still have traces of COVID or maybe it’s all out and your body just doesn’t know how to stop again. Either way.

- Metamucil, it’s an orange flavor fiber drink that is not made from corn fiber (my worst enemy of the past few years has been getting enough fiber and protein since I’m allergic to corn and it’s EVERYWHERE) and so far has turned my bowel movements from sharp and pointy to, in her own words, fluffy and unobtrusive. I haven’t had a cramp when it’s time to go potty rn, in days. I’ve only been using it since Wednesday this last week. I’m shooketh at the lack of cramps. Cramps has been my normal ‘go potty now’ indicator for years, and no cramps. Wow. I’m defeating IBS lmao. Can be taken up to 3 times a day. Doesn’t make your bowel movements turn liquid like miralax.

- Omega 3 fish oil. Taking daily fish oil can not only improve your focus (it’s an ADHD trick actually, if your focus can be helped with something less powerful than meth, my parents had me on it for a while as a kid and I remember being very calm) but it’s overall good for you, and it reduces inflammation.

- Turmeric. It’s used for reducing inflammation (see how she’s got me on multiple things to reduce inflammation instead of just one? Btw, she isn’t telling me to stop taking pain meds, I actually asked for help that would help me take less pain meds cause I’m taking too many of them and I can develop an allergy to them if I take too many) and I’ve been using it for joint pain for years tbh. I get inflamed joints because my craft of choice involves pinching fibers and pulling them to make yarn, which can put pressure on your joints. Also my back swells like a balloon when I get my period. It helps a lot.

- Calm & Relax, a mixture of Ashwagandha and Magnesium. These relax your muscles. Take them before bed because they help you calm down to sleep, reduce any cramping you’ll have in the night, and genuinely help you reduce movement while sleeping to actually get good sleep. Istg I have been thriving off these the past few days. I feel better.

Anyways. Take the drugs. COVID is nerfing us all directly up the ass and it’s painful, fight back with meds that aren’t just 4 ibuprofen every 8 hours, because that shit catches up with you and it hurts too. Also it just helps reduce the inflammation and pain, but doesn’t actually help your tummy function. This stuff does. I’m replacing my miralax stock with Metamucil. They also got a store brand which is only like 12$ which is great.

#covid19 #tummy issues #actually disabled

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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year

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i was sexually abused as a child, it happened in kindergarten and because of the culture of silence and fear that was instilled in 5yo me and not wanting to bother my dad lest he would want to spend even less time with me, i had no brains to protect myself. when the abuse became known to my teacher, they did little to protect me and my mother had to go through hell to change things for me. in my memory the culprit was a classmate of mine, who would also get other boys to watch, but for the longest time i have the blurry memory that there was an adult there, a cook lady also involved in different capacities, laughing, telling him what to do and staying with me afterwards, opening the closet door for him, even holding me touching me, its all so blurry. she also would not let me go piss to the point where i pissed myself and sat in my soils for hours. it has made me disgusted with myself for remembering and for forgetting at the same time, and the fact that my whole family knew for the longest time and dismissed it as something small that i won't even remember and leaving it to my poor mother who had to deal with my wounds and trauma and nightmares and screams and detachment... imagining your 5yo having utis constantly and having to explain the situation to doctors makes me scream and i am still so angry and fearfull. i don't know how people have children

the boy who did it kept reminding me any time i would encounter him later in life, we went to the same school for two years when i was 7-8 and he would leave notes for me. and therapists have encouraged me to forgive and recognise he was also a child dealing with his own trauma and he did have to change groups because of what he did but i the pride he displayed is something i can't forget and it makes me lose faith in people any time my brain recalls it.

huge part of it is how mind-blowingly poor my country was in 2000s. our kindergarten group was 50 people with 2 teachers changing shifts, the cook had to take care of kids. and i feel this was largely preventable and i hate my family for putting me in that situation. and this is the first time im saying it, but i do, i do hate them. worse happened to me in the years after which was also ignored and minimized. i will never feel clean i will never feel normal i ran away so far and cringe at the thought of going back home and facing these buildings, the backdrop of my abuse.

i agree with you, we have so normalised sexualising children in the balkans, to the point where adults don't recognise sexual abuse as such. i grew up wanting to be ugly, wanting to be undesirable, i would fall on purpose so my legs scar, and keep my arms and pits hairy, i hid my face under my hair and cried for days when they forcefully cut it. i was glad when i broke my nose and even when I chipped my tooth because it made my smile all crooked. my mum was not talking to me, and sadly proclaimed it made me ugly. and i know it did, i knew it undercut my value but was that really so bad?my dad had always commented on my looks so much and how fat my ass is and how undesirable i am but from him it felt different. i had to walk that line my whole life and am completely exhausted.

tbh, ive never said it all so firmly and coherently, i am just dropping it here because i know you will understand and pray for me in your own way, the same i do when i experience your writing. i feel like all concrete that we have to walk on in this wretched world is seeing each other. nothing is unknowable and noone is invisible. and only thing that has helped me in my life has been knowing and seeing others, and letting their pain mark my soul in a prayer.

hey anon <3 i published this bc i wanted to give an answer and i think it can b helpful and a little less lonely at times for other ppl to hear other ppls experiences, but pls send me a message and let me know if you want me to delete this and i will

im really sorry for all that u went through. its just horrible and i wish you hadnt and im sorry and i wish i could give you a hug, but thank u for opening up to me. i do very much get it. im glad my rambelings have been of some comfort, thats part of why i keep this blog as a public diary and im rather unfiltered, bc id hope ppl who have been through similar things would find some solace in knowing theyre not. alone w it.... i thought i was alone w a lot of things for a such a long time.. i didnt say anything about anything for such a long time. youre right, you said it well. the world is so often such a cruel and cold, vile deranged nightmare and i think one of the only things that really matters is caring about other people and not letting all the bullshit kill your soul...one of the only things thats kept me sane is knowing other people who fucking get it. i hope finally being able to write it out has been of some help. i will v much keep u in my prayers <3 and feel free to reach out or vent anytime

... and yes the povery is in general a rly big issue in a lot of this and issues related to it i feel. growing up at my kindergarten it wasnt quite as bad, but we had two teachers to watch... 40+ kids at least and things would often get out of hand and yea, with us the cook or other random facility would often have to watch us too. as the years went on the school had less money and it got worse. i remember during naptime there wouldnt b enough teachers to watch us or theyd just fuck off and not care so this group of mean,, particularly girls but some boys would literally step on us and jump on us and say mean shit etc etc. and i remember for so many years going to the bathroom as girls was just a nightmare - wed all go together bc going alone was too dangerous and when we tried some of us ended up w boys trying to barge into the stalls and pulling at our underwear and trying to get their hands in more than once and we got sick of it,, so some girls would always have to stay in the door and try to keep it shut bc boys were so vehement on barging in. gross af, and it was scary, even at that age they were like demons and sex pests, and the teachers that were there far from did a good job at keeping that shit under control.... and im really sorry again. any adult who does that sort of shit is just deranged - the sort who work around kids only to have access to them and feel power. if it makes you feel a lil better, in kindergarten there was this woman who was particularly,,, cold, who just would not let me go to the bathroom during naptime for what seemed like no other reason than her being a cruel controlling bitch - which, having a bad bladder and utis and never being able to fall asleep, and being afraid to go to the bathroom at a normal time bc of the boys, i almost always needed to. and she wouldn't let me and shed insult me and threathen to beat me if i asked, i think one time at least she did actually beat me, so id either spend that time trying not to go which really fucking hurt, or not being able to help it and having to deal w the aftermath. and of course shed get mad at me for that too. gross and frustrating and i really hated her

.... but yea. i think the poverty and things being normalized in the balkans and children being more vulnerable are connected. like to an extent its an education and poverty issue bc not only is it normalized in society but many ppl have no idea what the signs of sa on a kid are, so they dont know what to look out for even if they cared, and they're not educated on ,, basic child psychology. or theyre so overworked they dont have the time, or they emigrate to another country to work and leave their kids with extended family who also dont know.... even the huge trafficking issue we have. so much of that has to do w poverty and desperation and taking advantage of vulnerable poor kids and teens. even the teen pregnancy and high infant mortality rate we have,, lack of education, poverty, and the normalization of adult men sleeping w teenage girls.....most of the women in my family think 12-14 year old girls can consent to adult men its absolutely fucking wack, but i guess considering we had child marriages and bridal kidnappings barely any time ago, thats bound to b the case........ youre right. what you went through and what i went through could have absolutely been preventable if things werent so overcrowded and there was proper supervision and facilities and education around this sort of stuff

....

im sorry the adults near you failed to protect you, and im sorry your family failed to protect you. youre totally right to be angry and pissed off, i get why u blame them and hate them. it was indeed their responsability, and all they did was minimize and diminish your pain... im glad to hear your mother stuck up for you though... it really is painful. so many balkan adults seem to think they can do basically anything they want to children and it wont matter - like theyre some sort of toys or things or property idk - this idea that they're too young or its not that bad is so stupid when infact children are so much more impacted by things than adults are. you deserved better than them. and on the flip side it just. sucks to hear them defend this sort of behavior. i remember id complain abt boys being sex pests but it was always dismissed as Me not being nice to them or some stupid bullshit abt how thats how they show affection or theyre just stupid or theyre just cute or whatever, ive heard it all. it was maddening. in elementary school we had this boy in our class who was particularly bad. i think he must have been watching pornography already. hed make the grossest sexual comments twoards us, hed grope us, etc. i think it took like two bloody years for him to finally be switched out of the classroom, noone rly cared for the longest time and kept making excuses until finally my friends mom had enough .... it really is insane to think of the sheer amount of shit thats been normalized in the balkans. treating your kids like property, beating them, insulting them, sexualizing or groping or molesting them, letting other kids do that to them, letting adult men have relations w teenage girls??? - and if you speak out against any of it, youre in the wrong. seven fucking hells, for gods sake i keep just sitting around wondering what the hell is wrong with us

.. also thats also always a thought that drove me insane. i cant imagine having a child and finding out she went through the things i did. it already freaks me out to b around little kids bc i always just remember what i went through and hope to god theyre ok and safe... i think i would actually lose it and start killing. i have no damn idea how so many others can just b so careless abt a childs pain

and also.. you dont. have to forgive him... i think you have to forgive yourself, you know? even in this message - you didnt have the brains to protect yourself.. girl, you didnt need to have the brains to protect yourself, you didnt fail at protecting yourself and that's why this happened.... its not your fault. you were five for gods sake, dont put that on yourself please <3 ....personally ive never liked when therapists say shit like that. you and i have been molested and yet we havent molested any kids, so whats their fucking excuse, huh? for all the shit ive been through ive never taken it out on anyone like that, so whats theyre excuse? there isnt one.... and especially the shit w reminding you afterwords is just so cruel, its outright sadistic... i know what you mean abt recalling it and losing faith in humanity, its hard not to when youve seen some of its worst and cruelest and sickest sides.... it always makes me lose faith when its in partical kids being.. borderline fucking evil, like this shit, or the increse in boys raping younger girls. this species has an inclination twoards sadism and cruelty, and particularly men and boys seem to. its bone chilling and vile. but. but.... for all of the cruelty and depravity of humankind, there has most certainly been a moving level of empathy, care, and beauty, and i do think... most ppl.. want to be good and strive to b good. i think most people are born good idk

.... but many of us sure as fuck have seen a lot of the bad. i know it only helps so much to hear, because i know the skin crawling disgust that all this breeds. it feels like being fucking cursed or banded or marked or diseased or something, like something is just instrinsically wrong and unclean with you... i never feel like ill be some sort of near normal either. never have been and never will be - but i try to just live with that.. it is what it is. but.. youre no more disgusting, or gross, or dirty or pathetic than i am,.. you know? youre not. those things can only be said abt those who did this to you. im sorry it all turned out like this, but.. idk. im glad that it sounds like you're away from your family. i hope youre safe and in a better place where you can heal from all this. sorry i kinda rambeled on, but im sending you hugs and may some peace and rest from all this come your way soon <3

#also. i totally get wanting to b ugly #i did the same thing too. id wear loose clothes and not cut my hair or wear it weird and not shave and id get bruises and id cut and starve #myself. i didn't want to be attractive. i wanted to look monstrous and undesirable. i always got shit for it too #..... fuked up to grow up w beauty being such an important and prised thing that when u dont got it youre treated as lesser

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lorata · 2 years

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Yeah, the more you talk about it the more I realize what a *bad* decision it was to make James volunteer over Joseph. Even 18 year old Joseph (who was hilariously/shockingly still a BABY in his pov) notices that James wasn't into the idea of volunteering to an obvious level. By the sounds of both Joseph and the trainers comments, he was also well behind Adam and Joseph too (I was getting a sense they were the Petra and Selene of their year in terms of skill??).

That last anon about the mentors made me curious though, do you have any idea who the mentors involved in that year were?

I think once Adam died they decided to throw most of their money on the girl that year. Joseph had already been promised to the Academy, and while obviously they would have said oh no problem if the Program had taken him back (the Arena comes first after all, it's the reason why they have these nice things) this seemed like a good solution. James wasn't terrible; he was just ... third. The girls, meanwhile, like the boys in Petra and Selene's year, were normal; whoever was chosen had an equally decent shot of winning.

I don't know who mentored that year, but whoever took James would have done so with full knowledge of the executive meddling behind the decision. They would have been convinced they could handle the doubts and get his head in the game by Arena time, like Lyme does with Sloane (wah). The selection committee thought so too, or they would have cancelled Joseph's transfer. Nobody saw this coming.

Should they have? I mean, maybe, but even Joseph who grew up with him and saw what he never let the trainers see and knew he wasn't into it would never, ever have guessed he wouldn't volunteer. The brainwashing and social pressure is SO HIGH that it was utterly unthinkable.

The Program gets a lot more hard-ass for a long time after that. The friendly way the trainer was with Joseph, that stops. No more chats, no more talk about after or alternate paths. The head trainer gets a bit of token protest from some of the more softhearted trainers about the execution and she's like oh, I'm sorry, did that upset you? Would you rather that mistake gets repeated and everyone gets shot next time? Then everyone who has a problem with it gets let go. I'd say it's really not until around the 2QQ that it starts to ease up again and the kids start having a more good-natured (or jokey) relationship with the trainers.

the AUs where Joseph DOES volunteer and win (under Adessa, natch) are, in an awful traumatic upside-down kind of way, a happier, healthier Joseph. because yes he has trauma, yes he can't get away from the ugliness of the system the way he does as a Peacekeeper, but at the same time, he did what he was told to do, and he DID it. clear parameters, clear clear goal, clear measurement of success. everything else is details.

#lorata answers #anonymous #we must be killers: tales from district 2 #oc: joseph seward

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