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leonfucker3000 · 2 days

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under the mistletoe

married!Leon S Kennedy x engaged!fem!reader

Warnings: 16+, cheating, sex with feelings, vaginal sex, oral sex (f receiving),bathroom sex, mirror sex, modern au but not really because I know their dumbasses don’t have enough friends for a Christmas party, reader has morals until she doesn’t

wc: 2.5k

Yap: I wrote this last year for smutmas LMFAO, posting it here so I’m not forgotten, IM WORKING ON STUFF I SWEAR !! The ending is rushed and bad, and Leon says some corny fucking shit

not proofread, sorry chat

Arm-in-arm with Chris, you make your way up the snowy steps of the brown-bricked house. From the front patio, you could hear the faint sounds of Christmas music and bottles popping.

“I thought you said this was gonna be small.” a faint murmur comes from your lips, disappointment clear in your face from the lie your fiancé told you to get you here. You told him before you weren’t interested in anything noisy or busy or crowded , even told him to visit his friends alone and that you’d be fine waiting for him to get back.

“That’s what they told me too, we can head back—”

“It’s fine. Not gonna keep you from your friends.” Just don’t expect me to be social, you want to add on, but don’t due to the small smile on his face. He’s sweet. Ignorant, but sweet. In his own way, you suppose.

You’re hit with overpowering peppermint and alcohol scent when you walk through the door, christmas spirit aside, the inside looks nice. Warm, inviting, homey, where you should be with Chris but he’s – he presses a kiss to your forehead, muttering a small I’ll be back as he goes to find his buddies – gone.

A price to pay for future happiness.

⋆⋅•⋅⊰∙∘⋆ ❆ ⋆∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋆

You try to distract yourself, pleasantries to mutual friends and others you definitely (do not) remember. If you had more sleep the night before, maybe you’d be up for drinks and dancing and actual conversation rather than this. Whatever this is. “Don’t look too happy to be here either.” A gruff voice from behind you snaps you out of your trance.

“Weren’t you the one that invited us, Leon?” You click your tongue as you turn around to face him, he looks tired but prettily so. Fucker.

He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head, “Not one for these, thought you knew me better. Just thought that I’d enjoy it more with people…” he looks you up and down for a fleeting moment, “...like me.”

“Like you in what sense? Alcoholic or asshole?”

“Both, either, neither. Just wanted to see some friends, that’s all.”

You hum and motion with your head, “Chris is over there. Not here.”

“I know.”

The both of you are silent, no matter what you say, you’re sure Leon has a counter. A quip, a joke, something that’s definitely going to get the both of you in trouble. “Guess we’re going with Alcoholic You, then. Drinks?”

“And you say we’re not friends. Let’s go.” He says with a hand sliding to the small of your back, resting right above your ass – too close, too risky for a married man and an engaged woman, too stupid. You bite your tongue and let him lead you to the host’s makeshift bar, saying anything is a reaction and a reaction is what he wants, at least you assume so.

“We’re not. You know this, I know this, maybe even God if we dig deep enough.”

“Okay, well, it’s not that deep so let’s just have a nice night as friends, yeah?”

A sigh leaves you for the nth time that night, “Sure.”

Moving through the seemingly never-ending crowd of drunk couples, you’re soon to realize your mistake of keeping quiet when he stops and looks up, then back at you. Eyebrows furrowed and mood shifted, you follow his eyes up and – “Absolutely not.” a fucking mistletoe. You saw other people under the mistletoe who were most definitely in committed relationships kiss others but that’s not you . You thought it wasn’t him either from the way he looked at Ada. Another terrible assumption.

Leon scoffs and rolls his eyes, “It’s tradition. ‘S just a kiss, doesn’t need to mean anything.”

“It wouldn’t mean anything if we were both single, but we’re very much fucking not, so–”

“No one’s looking, just us. Chris won’t mind, Ada…won’t either.” A weak excuse, both the mistletoe and his pathetic they don’t need to know . “Friends kiss.”

“Right, you mean unmarried ones. On the cheek. Platonically.”

“Will you just–” He groans as he cups your face in his hands and pulls you to meet his lips, sloppily and messily kissing you and licking the seam of your lips. You stumble and he pushes you against the kitchen archway, guests too unbothered to realize what’s going on in front of them. For a moment, you kiss back, hands tugging on his hair – girlfriend, fiancée, wife – you pull away with a sharp gasp, heavy worry and guilt.

Now you really need that fucking drink.

You blink up at him, “Wish I could’ve done more.” He speaks, fighting himself for being weak but also not regretting a thing because it’s you and he definitely wants you. “Looking real pretty tonight and Chris is an idiot for leaving his soon-to-be-wife alone. So really, this is his fault.”

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“For you.”

You hate him for going against your wishes, hate him for making a joke about it, hate the fact that despite everything, you liked it . Whore, Slut, Hoe, all of the above and definitely not the loyal fiancée you promised you’d be. “This can’t–can’t happen again.”

“Right.” He whispers, soft and hushed, had you not known any better, you might’ve thought he was sorry.

You turn to leave and avoid him for the rest of the night, suddenly feeling confident enough to be social after all to get your mind off what the fuck just happened. But nothing works. Not drinks or jokes or even Chris himself. Ironically, he points out the mistletoe and drags you under it to kiss you.

It’s firm, possessive and used to make you feel giddy but all you feel right now is unadulterated shame. All that’s swirling through your mind isn’t the loops of red and green christmas streamers and tinsel – it’s Leon. You two didn’t even talk much, don’t know how you caught his eye or why he’d want you when he has a pretty wife of 2 years with him.

You pull away and Chris gives you another quick peck, “Know you don’t like stuff like this, I appreciate it, really.” he whispers, and you feel like a bitch again. He’s so – he’s too good for you. “When we get back, ‘ll make sure to make it up to you.”

You smile, all weary and shy, too bad while he’s fucking you, you’ll be imagining someone else. “Can’t wait.” Before you can even be pulled away by Chris again, a hand slides up your back and another on Chris’ shoulder.

Fuck fuck fuck. Someone saw you and is going to tell Chris. Say goodbye to stability and long-lasted love and–

“Get a room, will you?” Leon says as he pats Chris’ shoulder, a little more forceful than needed, but if Chris noticed, he didn’t let it show. “Had Ada rolling her eyes at the two of you more than usual. A new record.”

You force a tight smile while Chris is at ease, “Of course you two have the most shit to say.” he chuckles.

“Mhm, yeah, so, mind if I borrow you for a minute?” Leon’s hand falls from Chris’ shoulder as he looks at you.

“Um.” Chris was a patient man, really was, but if you’re uncomfortable, he’s uncomfortable, and right now–

“Sure, just make it quick.” You mutter, glancing at Chris with a nervous smile, “I’ll be back.”

⋆⋅•⋅⊰∙∘⋆ ❆ ⋆∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋆

How you ended up in a half-bathroom with Leon, perched up onto the sink counter with your legs wrapped around his waist will always be beyond you. He kissed you like he did before, almost holding no rhythm as he did it like it’d be the last time. “Fucking–” he groaned, “beautiful.” He pulled away briefly to press wet, open-mouthed kisses down your neck and shoulder. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this.”

“Shouldn’t be admitting that, it's– oh –not okay.” It’s definitely not okay that you’re here with him, and it’s definitely not okay that him biting you is enough to make you shudder. How the fuck are you going to explain this to Chris? Leon bit me to test out my skin durability?

“I know, just can’t help it when it’s you. Sweet girl, always on my mind.” He tried, really did. Tried being happy when Chris introduced you, tried ignoring how sweet you looked, tried ignoring you and the image of eating you out that kept him warm on many lonely nights. Couldn’t even do it with Ada without your face popping up in his head when he came. “Would ask if you thought of me, too, but I guess we both know the answer to that.”

He knew, knew that as much as he wanted you, up until now it was Chris. The hopeful part of him convinces himself you just buried it deep down like him and that’s why he can finally be between your pretty legs, pressed up against your pretty body and soon enough, pretty pussy. You make him feel dizzy.

“Leon–”

“Yeah, just keep sayin’ my name and that’ll make it better.” He kisses you for good measure, thinks that if you say anything other than his name or oh god, he’ll lose it. You tug on his hair again and he groans, “Let me eat you out, needa give that pretty pussy just as much kisses.”

He doesn’t give you time to retaliate or even think about what he said before pushing your dress up and dropping to his knees, kissing up your thighs and removing your panties. He makes sure to put your legs over his shoulders, tongue delving right onto your pussy. Your fingers latch onto his hair and he gives you a muffled groan.

Your plush thighs push against his face and, fuck, it’s better than anything he’s ever had, he won’t need alcohol after this because you’re just as addicting, if not more, as he drinks in your pussy like he’s parched. “ Fuckk ,” he groans into you, all muffled and slurred “ tastes so fucking good.”

Your legs are shaking and thank-fucking-god you’re sitting on the sink counter, music blasts from outside as you pant and moan while his tongue flicks with fucking talent. His mouth makes you feel dizzy, even more so when he plunges two fingers inside your cunt, his eyebrows furrow when you pull particularly hard – heaven is what he thinks.

He concentrates his lips and tongue on your clit as you rock against his face, “ Leon,” you gasp, nearly crying out above him and yes, his imagination didn’t do you any justice because his name falling from your lips is a wet dream.

He taps your thigh, voice all hoarse and strained, “Gotta keep quiet, can’t have them seeing you like this – this is for me .” He’s so hard it hurts but he’ll endure anything just so you’ll come on his fingers and tongue.

You whine, biting your lip to keep in your sounds and he feels your body trembling , the pressure of his tongue was insistent and your body twitched when his fingers aligned with the rhythm of his tongue, “oh fuck, oh fuckfuckfuck,’ you cover your mouth as you let out a muffled cry, legs wrapping around his head so tight he can barely breathe but holy shit does he not care.

You come, blissed out and shaking – he thinks you’re pretty. He’s an idiot for this, he really doesn’t care.

He presses a small kiss to your thigh, getting up off his knees as his thumb rubs small circles on your skin, “You okay?” he whispers, mouth sore and dick straining against his pants makes his voice low.

“Mmhmm,” you reply dumbly and slurred, “never better.”

He feels pride swell up in his chest when you say that, he made you feel good – better than Chris keeps replaying in his mind. “Not done with you yet, can you stand?”

“Maybe in 5 minutes.” He doesn’t have 5 minutes, you don't have 5 minutes – he needs it now. He helps you off the counter and pushes you forward, bending you over the sink. You faintly hear the sound of fabric and metal before feeling him slide between your folds and nudge against your entrance. “Leon–”

“Need it, honey. Gonna give it to me, yeah?”

Fuck it, you’ve made it this far. “Yeah.” you say breathlessly.

You can’t mutter out another word when he doesn’t wait a second more to slide into you, his nails dimpling spots on your hips when he grips tighter. You cry out when he pulls out and shoves himself to the hilt, his left hand covering your mouth, “ Quiet.” he hisses, groaning when he snaps his hips again, not stopping until his rhythm is relentless.

Whines and moans are faded against his hand, he’s panting and groaning against your ear, “Feels –fuckk – so much fucking better than I imagined.” he pulls his hand and your head back a little so you’re looking in the mirror. Fuck explaining a bite mark to Chris – you’re a mess. Sweat dripping from your forehead and eyes glossy as you look blissed out and absolutely fucked . “See that?” he shudders, “That’s us, you don’t take your fucking eyes off it.”

You nod quickly against his hand as the room fills with the sound of skin against skin and choked back moans and panting. Your eyelids feel heavy as you look in the mirror, Leon’s face is flushed and his hair is wet with sweat as he fucks you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do.

He watches your face as you take all of him, all pretty and teary-eyed, you’ve ruined him for everyone else. “I'm gonna come again,” your voice is faint against his hand, barely able to even get out any words because he has you teetering on the edge as his balls slap against your clit. You feel yourself tightening around his cock and his hips stutter.

“Shit–that right?” You nod eagerly as you keep your eyes on him, “atta girl, ‘m gonna get at least 3 out of you.”

“I c’nt–”

“Yes you can,” he slurs, “for me, you fucking can.”

Your walls clamp down on him hard, spasming from your second orgasm, and he moans. He bites his lip as he pulls out, warm come spurting on your ass as he holds onto the counter in front of you for balance, chest pressed against your back. ‘ Fuck. ” he moans.

Your eyelids flutter when he licks his lips and presses a small kiss onto your shoulder. “Jesus Christ, leon. I dunno if I can…do another.” you pant.

“Don’t have a choice, honey, just need you ontop of me.”

You open your mouth to speak but a sharp knock hits against the bathroom door, “Can you hurry the fuck up? I gotta piss n – oh okay.” footsteps retreat and you look at Leon, huffing out a small laugh.

“Gonna have to wait.”

“A real shame.’

You straighten yourself on shaky legs and look in the mirror, “oh my fucking–”

“I’ll get you an Uber and tell Chris you started feeling sick.” he offers. Right. Chris. Fiancé, love of your life Chris. Shit. “It was worth it.” he breaks your train of thought, “Good thing we didn’t break tradition.”

You swallow. “Right.”

He kisses you, slower this time.

Happy-fucking-holidays to you.

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy smut #leon kennedy x y/n #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy x y/n #leon s kennedy x you #leon s kennedy x fem!reader #leon s kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy smut #leon smut #resident evil x reader #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil x you #leonfucker3000 #♱ . * . * 3000s Fics

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dyaz-stories · 3 days

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open the blinds, let me see your face || gojo satoru x reader

synopsis: After the death of one of his former students, Satoru insists he's fine. He's lying.

word count: 1k

cw: canon compliant, teacher!reader, angst, minor character death, hurt/comfort, implied fwb relationship with gojo

a/n: reader is the same as in say my name and everything just stops (smut, please only read if you're comfortable with that)

soundtrack

You stand by the door of the morgue, leaning against the wall, arms folded against your chest. Less than an hour ago, you received Ijichi’s report. Factual, direct, stern words. A curse was misclassed. The exorcist sent to deal somehow still managed to complete the job, but passed away as he was being taken back. It’s a story you’ve heard before; it’s a story you’ll hear again.

Except this time, you knew that name.

Of course, you have a good knowledge of most registered exorcists in Japan. Your job requires that. This particular exorcist, you hadn’t met personally — but you’d heard stories.

He was one of the students Gojo taught during his first year as a teacher at Jujutsu High.

You know he’s already inside, and you don’t want to interrupt him at a time of grieving, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stay away.

Just a few minutes ago, Shoko passed by you, giving you a polite nod. She looked tired, unlit cigarette hanging from her lips as she entered the room. You know it’s only a matter of time before she starts handling the body, which means any moment now, Gojo will come out.

You’re not sure what you will do, not really sure why you’re here. You suppose what it comes down to is that you don’t know that he’ll have anyone else. The idea of him being alone, at such a time, makes your heart ache.

So you wait.

It’s a few minutes more before he steps out. He looks the same as he always does: blindfold on, hair an elegant mess, shoulders relaxed. A smile forms on his lips when he sees you, with just an instant of delay, just a moment too late, and in a few steps, he reaches you.

“Aw, did you miss me already?”

His tone is light, his body language playful, in the way he leans forward to tower over you.

You know better than to buy into it.

“I came to check on you,” you say. “I got Ijichi’s report.”

“Ah, about that?” he asks, pointing towards the closed doors. “That’s handled, don’t worry about it. Unfortunately,” a heavy sigh, “I’m afraid I got some things to take care of now, so I’m going to have to cut this short.”

He pulls away so fast all you can do is blink, turning away from you to keep walking. You follow after him, struggling to keep up with his wide strides.

“I’m fine,” he lies without so much as glancing in your direction. “It’s not the first person we lose.”

“Satoru,” you say, and he pauses for a second, tilting his head to look at you.

“Aw,” he teases, “pulling out the ‘Satoru’? You’re really worried aren’t ya?”

Annoyance bubbles inside of you, but you know that’s why he’s doing this. It would be so easy to throw your hands up and decide that he is fine and you should just let him be.

Except if you do that, he’ll truly be alone.

“I am,” you answer genuinely. It’s the best way you’ve found to deal with this. Honest, direct answers, engaging with what he means instead of his tone or behavior. You watch him swallow, and you know you’ve made the right call.

“I’m fine,” he says, a little colder this time.

“Satoru…” you say again, reaching out to touch his face — except your hand stops, a few inches away from his body.

It takes you a second to understand what happened, and once you do, cold washes over you. Outside of sparring session, he’s never used the Infinity to shut you out. You’re aware that the spell is active at all times. You’re also aware that he can choose what he does and does not let in.

“I really do have to go,” he tells you, no longer playful, but he does nothing to move away.

You don’t remove your hand.

After a few seconds, during which neither of you move, he sighs, and the spell allows you in. Gently, your fingers brush against his cheek, and he leans into your touch, ever so slightly.

“I’m fine,” he repeats for a third time, voice even weaker.

There is no need for you to be the strongest right now,’ you want to say. ‘You get to be weak, too,’ you want to say.

“You don’t have to be,” you say instead, cupping his cheek and lightly stroking it. The moment feels fragile. This is not what your relationship is supposed to be — but then again, it had never been just sex, either.

With a trembling sigh, Gojo’s body melts into you. His arms wrap around you, he buries his face in your neck, and he relaxes fully. The hallway is empty except for the two of you, and on another day maybe you would worry about getting caught. Today, it doesn’t matter, and you just close your arms around him, and let him be.

When he pulls away, long fingers tilt your head towards him, only the fingertips brushing against your skin, as if you were made of porcelain and he feared breaking you. He kisses you oh so softly, a caress of his mouth against yours. You press your lips back against his, tilting your head back to give him a better access. It only lasts a second — a second during which you can feel him containing himself — before he takes a step back.

“I need to go check that there’s nothing left out there,” he says, composing himself once more. “But I’ll make sure to visit you when I get back, m’kay?”

He points a finger at you, and you’re sure he’d be winking, if not for the blindfold.

You roll your eyes and scoff, letting him put the mask back on. It’s not the first time someone he knows dies, it won’t be the last either. Everyone, in this line of work, has come to terms with that — but Satoru Gojo is one of the few who never gets a moment to grieve, before he’s needed elsewhere.

“If you must.”

“Oh, but I must, you’d miss me too much if I didn’t, right?”

“If you wake me up, I swear you’ll regret it.”

“A small price to pay,” he grins. “I’ll see you soon.”

He’s gone in the blink of an eye, and you’re left standing in the hallway, alone.

He was right. You would have missed him.

just a quick little thing, hope you liked it! please consider reblogging and commenting to support me if you enjoy my work and would like to see more of it ^-^

you can find more of my gojo x reader writing here if you're interested

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo angst #jjk angst #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen angst #gojo imagine #gojo drabble #jujutsu kaisen drabble #my writing #jjk imagine #jjk x y/n

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2millu2 · 2 days

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Dirty Cop || Sukuna Ryomen

✵ ft. Policeman Sukuna x f.reader

✰༄ wc: 3k

༻ warning: smut, p in v, porn with plot, Dirty Cop (Sukuna), (slight) cúnnilingus, marking, rough, Sukuna mean is mean (obviously) , missionary, swearing, etc.

✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰

Sukuna is a corrupt cop, known for his ruthlessness and disregard for the law. He had taken many lives, and his name was whispered in fear among the citizens. As a prisoner, you had fallen afoul of his twisted sense of justice.

The cell was cold, stark, and barren, with little more than a cot and a bucket for a toilet. The sound of footsteps echoed in the hallway, growing louder as they approached your cell. The door swung open, revealing Sukuna, his eyes gleaming with malice.

"Well, well, well, look who we have here." He snarled, leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. His expression was cold and cruel, devoid of any remorse or pity. "You've been causing trouble, haven't you?"

Sukuna stepped closer to the bars, his eyes raking over your body. He was dressed in a police uniform, the badge glinting ominously in the dim light. His ego was evident in his stance, his superiority clear in his demeanor.

"Perhaps we can come to an arrangement? Perhaps you can serve me instead of rotting in this cell." He suggested, a predatory grin spreading across his face. "What do you say, prisoner?"

"Arrangement?" You snorted, trying to mask the fear that gripped your chest. You knew what he meant, and you weren't interested in becoming his pawn. But fear coursed through your veins, making you doubt your choice. "What kind of arrangement are we talking about here, Officer?"

Sukuna's grin widened, his eyes flashing with dark delight at your hesitation. He leaned closer, his voice low and seductive.

"Oh, I think you know exactly what I'm offering. You see, I have a particular taste for those who dare to defy me. And I find you most...intriguing." He purred, reaching through the bars to trace a finger along the edge of your jaw. His touch sent shivers down your spine.

"Now, you can either accept my offer and perhaps find yourself a bit more comfortable in this hellhole, or you can continue to defy me and suffer the consequences." His eyes locked onto yours, daring you to resist. "The choice is yours, prisoner."

Your heart pounded in your chest, your mind racing as you considered your options. Sukuna's touch sent a wave of revulsion and fear coursing through you, but you couldn't deny the power he held over you.

"What do you want from me?" You asked, trying to hide the tremor in your voice. His power was undeniable, and you were acutely aware of the danger you were in. "What do you want me to do?"

Sukuna's smile widened, his eyes darkening with pleasure at your submission. He leaned in closer, his breath hot against your skin as he whispered:

"I want you to serve me, little prisoner. I want you to do my bidding, to be my toy when I desire. And if you please me, I might just release you from this cell." His fingers trailed down your neck, sending chills down your spine.

"But if you displease me...well, let's just say your stay here will be much less comfortable." His voice was a low growl, his eyes gleaming with malice.

You swallowed hard, hating yourself for even considering his offer. But the thought of enduring more torture and torment in this cell was almost worse than submitting to him. Your mind raced as you considered your options.

"Fine...I'll do as you say. Just get me out of here" You whispered.

Sukuna's eyes narrowed in appraisal, his lips curling into a satisfied smirk. He straightened, pushing away from the bars with a flick of his wrist. The sound of keys jingle in the empty hallway and he open the door to your cell.

As you stepped out of the cell, the sudden freedom was almost overwhelming. But the relief was short-lived as Sukuna's hand clasped around your arm, pulling you close. His touch was cold and unyielding, a reminder of his power over you.

"Good choice, prisoner." He purred, his lips brushing against your ear. "Now, let's see what you're made of."

He led you down the hallway, past other cells filled with screaming prisoners. The sound of their torment was a constant reminder of what awaited you if you failed to please him. Your heart pounded in your chest, your mind racing with fear and uncertainty.

Sukuna stopped in front of a door, the symbol of a badge embossed on it. He opened it, gesturing for you to enter with a smirk.

Step into the office, and you'll find yourself in a room filled with the stench of decay and corruption. Papers and files are scattered across the desk, a testament to Sukuna's disorganized lifestyle. The walls are adorned with pictures of his previous victims, their lifeless eyes staring back at you accusingly.

Sukuna closes the door behind you, locking it with a satisfying click. He turns to face you, his eyes gleaming with danger. "Now, little prisoner, let's see what you can do for me."

You stood frozen, your heart pounding in your chest as Sukuna's gaze bore into you. The room was suffocating, the stench of decay and corrupt

ning overwhelming. You could feel the accusing eyes of his previous victims upon you, and the weight of your situation pressed down on your shoulders. Your mind raced with fear and uncertainty, but you forced yourself to stand tall, meeting Sukuna's gaze with as much defiance as you could muster.

"What do you want me to do?" You asked, trying to hide the tremor in your voice. You knew that submission was the only way to survive in this hellish place, but you couldn't bring yourself to show weakness.

he didn’t say anything and he walked in a secret room behind his paper wall and you followed him knowing he was going to kill you if you don’t. The room was a dungeon/room the walls was black and there was a bed with red sheets and blankets

As you entered the room, your heart pounded in your chest. The walls were painted a dark, ominous black, and the bed was covered in red sheets and blankets, creating a disturbing contrast. You couldn't shake the feeling that this was where your fate would be decided.

Sukuna turned to face you, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Strip," he commanded, his voice low and seductive. There was no room for negotiation in his tone.

You hesitated, your mind racing with uncertainty and a tinge of desire because it was no surprise that Sukuna was fucking hot. But you knew that disobeying him would only lead to more pain and suffering. you began to undress, your heart pounding in your chest.

"Good. Now get on the bed." He ordered, his eyes raking over your body with obvious pleasure.

You climbed onto the bed, your body shaking at the things that was going to happened. Sukuna circled around you, his eyes lingering on every inch of your naked form. His gaze was predatory, his touch cold and unyielding as he examined you like a piece of meat.

"I'm going to teach you who's in charge here, little prisoner." He growled, his voice low and menacing. You could feel his eyes on you, assessing and judging. The anticipation was almost unbearable, and you couldn't help but wonder what he had in store for you.

"Spread your legs." Sukuna commanded, his voice a low growl. Without waiting for a response, he pushed your thighs apart, exposing your most intimate parts to his gaze, he started at your cunt watching it glistening with arousal.

You felt a blush creeping up your neck as he inspected you, his eyes gleaming with darkness and lust. His rough his fingers begin prying your wet folds apart his finger slowly trails up your cunt harshly flicking your clit in ways that left you feeling more needy and desperate.

You moaned softly, your body arching involuntarily at his touch. This wasn't what you expected, but the sensation was undeniable. You couldn't help but feel a tinge of excitement mixed with fear. He pulled away, his eyes gleaming with triumph.

"You're going to learn to serve me well, little prisoner." His voice was low and seductive, his eyes gleaming with malice. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a pair of handcuffs. With a flick of his wrist, he secured them around your wrists, pulling them above your head and securing them to the bedpost.

You gasped at the sudden movement, your heart pounding in your chest as he moved closer. His eyes were cold and calculating, his touch rough and unyielding as he prepared to take what he wanted.

he then reached his hands his the drawer pulling out two nipple clamps

As he approached you, you couldn't help but feel a mix of fear and excitement. His eyes were dark and hungry, and you knew that he was going to take what he wanted, regardless of your feelings. You tried to steel yourself for what was coming, but your body was already reacting to his presence.

he attached the nipple clamps, causing you to yelp in surprise.

The sudden pain was intense, but it was quickly overshadowed by the surge of arousal that coursed through you. You couldn't help but moan at the sensation, your body betraying your fear and submission.

Sukuna smiled, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction. "Good, little prisoner." He purred, his voice low and seductive.

his rough hands begin to pinch and pull at the nipple clamps making you moan and whimper at the pain and pleasure you pull at the cuffs already feeling overwhelmed pleasure.

Look at you, already drunk off the pleasure like a bitch in heat” he says with a dark smirk on his face, you tried to pull your thighs together but he quickly pressed his knee against your cunt, you moan at the friction unintentionally bucking your hips against his knees as he continues to grope and pull at your breast and nipple clamps

"You're a filthy little slut," Sukuna growled, his eyes gleaming with lust. He released your nipples, and stood up, leaving you panting and whimpering for more, he begin to take off his police uniform

As he stripped off his uniform, your eyes widened at the sight of his toned body. He was a beast of a man, his muscles rippling with power and authority.

When he finally took off his pants his cock springs out his was think and his pink tip glistening with pre cum, your cunt throbs with need

"So, you like what you see?" Sukuna purred, his eyes gleaming with malice. He ran a hand down his cock, smirking at the sight of your arousal. He knew he had you right where he wanted you.

"Beg for it, little prisoner. Beg for my cock." He commanded, his voice low and seductive. He knew you wanted it, knew you needed it. And he intended to use that to his advantage.

"Please..." you whispered, your heart pounding in your chest. You couldn't deny what you were feeling, the need for him consuming you.

"Please what?" He demanded, his eyes gleaming with dark delight. He wanted to hear you say it, to hear you beg for his cock.

"Please fuck me, sir..." You begged, your voice barely above a whisper. You couldn't deny the need any longer, the desire for him overwhelming your fear and submission.

Sukuna smiled, his eyes gleaming with victory. "That's what I like to hear." He growled, his eyes raking over your body. He climbed onto the bed, positioning himself between your legs. Your eyes widened at the sight of his cock, throbbing and ready for action.

he rubs his cock in between your folds teasing your clit and getting his cock wet from your arousal

Please hurry, sir” *you cried with need, your cunt clenching around nothing, he suddenly slapped your cunt making you yelp “don’t fucking rush me” he said with a dark smirk, he continued to tease you for a few more seconds before pushing his cock into your tight cunt, you moaning at feeling the delicious stretch of his thick cock.

he grunts at feeling your tight wet cunt he continued to push into you until he bottoms in you he grips your hips tightly then he pushes out all the way until his tip is at your entrance then he slammed back into you making you moan out and tug at the cuffs, he slams back into you one more time before creating a rough pace.

your body had no time to adjust to his size, the sudden invasion causing you to gasp and moan. The sensation was intense, your body protesting and welcoming him at the same time. His cock was thick and hard, stretching you in ways you never thought possible.

"You like that, little prisoner?" Sukuna growled, his eyes gleaming with malice. He knew you needed this, needed him. He began to pump into you, his rhythm rough and demanding. You couldn't help but moan and buck your hips against him, your body begging for more.

"Yes, sir...please don't stop." You begged, your voice barely above a whisper. His cock was filling you, his movements rough and unyielding. You couldn't help but clench your cunt around his thick cock making him groan and grip your waist harder.

"Good girl." Sukuna purred, his eyes gleaming with satisfaction. He increased his pace, his thrusts harder. You could feel his cock hitting your g-spot, sending waves of pleasure coursing through you.

His hands goes up and pull on your nipples clamps making you moan louder and your hands grip the cuffs, he continues to slam into you making sure you feel his thick cock. You could feel his cock stretching you, his movements rough and dominating. The pleasure was intense, making your legs shake from how overwhelming the pleasure was.

"Fuck, you're tight." He growled, his eyes gleaming with hunger . He reached down, and begin rubbing your clit and rubbing it in circles. The sensation was too much.

Fuck…I’m cummming” You screamed, your hips bucking against him as you came. The orgasm was intense, your body trembling with the force of it. But it wasn't enough, the need still gnawing at you, demanding more.

"Again." Sukuna commanded, his eyes gleaming with triumph. He didn't let up, his thrusts relentless. You could feel him hitting your g-spot again, you wrap your legs around his waist pulling him deeper inside you.

"Please...please, sir..." You begged, your voice hoarse from your earlier scream. You couldn't deny the need, the desire for more consuming you.

"You like being used like this, don't you?" He growled, his eyes gleaming with malice. He increased his pace, his thrusts harder. You could feel him hitting your sweet spot again, the intensity building once more.

He lifts your hips up at a new angle he begin groaning indicating he was coming close.

“I’m gonna fill you pretty cunt, so full of my cum be grateful I’m giving a lowlife like you my cum” he groan wrapping his hand around your neck his thrusts turn erratic and his begin to bite into your neck muffling his groans.

you moan as well and he grips your hips and he fills you to the brim with his cum he slowly thrust into you riding out his high a few seconds later he pulls out of you his cum dripping out of and you whimpered as his pushed his fingers inside of your cunt making sure his cum stays.

Making sure you get all of my cum don’t you waste a drop” he says before pulling out of you and putting his fingers in your mouth

“Clean them” he say darkly and you flip your tongue around his finger making sure you get a taste of all his cum he then pull his finger out of your mouth and took off your cuff you pant and try to catch your breath you watch as he gets dressed putting back on your uniform.

“I’ll let you stay your useful for something” he says before walking out leaving you as a mess on the bed you decide to stay in the bed and go to sleep since I know once he gets off work there plenty of more rounds.

★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★✰★

Credits to the artist for the picture

#jjk smut #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #sukuna smut #sukuna x reader #jjk x fem!reader #sukuna x female reader #millu works

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arctrooper69 · 21 hours

Text

As Iron Sharpens Iron

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

Chapter 13:

Previous // Next

Warnings: Pheromones, sexually suggestive scenes (nothing explicit), major misunderstandings.

--------------------------------------------------

Hunter threw the essentials into his bag and secured his armor with a satisfying click as the magseal activated, locking the plates into place.

“Hey you,” a warm voice sounded from the hatch.

Hunter looked up to see Tara standing on the ramp, leaning against the hatchway with her hand on her hip. She smiled.

“Ketch and Bozo over there let it slip that you were going after your friend. Need an extra hand?”

Hunter grunted halfheartedly, “No, not really.”

“You sure?” she asked, smiling coyly, taking a step inside, “Because you look like you could use all the help you can get.”

He frowned, “I told you I’m fine. We don’t have time for this right now, Tara.”

She sighed, “Hunter, she ran away from you. You got into an argument and she left!”

“I know!” he growled.

Tara sighed, “Hunter look, do you really think you should be going after her?” she asked gently, “She needs time.”

Hunter shook his head. “I can’t,” he snapped, “She needs me. She could be in trouble!”

Tara smiled softly, folding her arms, “Hunter, trust me. You need to give her time. That’s how women work! She’s a perfectly capable adult. You know this. Just give her some time. You need to rest too, you know.”

Hunter sighed, She is capable. Am I overthinking? Too overprotective?

Omega had said that to him before. He supposed he did have a bit of an overprotective nature, but he chalked that up only as his role as the team’s Sergeant during the war.

A good leader protects his squad.

“Nothing good comes from rushing headlong into things, Hunter,” Tara continued, “You and I both know that.” She paused tentitively then spoke softly, “I care for you too much to let you just run in blind.”

“I’m not running in blind!”

“Oh yeah? What’s the plan then?”

“Get to the coordinates. Find her. Bring her home.”

Tara nodded, “Okay, then what?”

I don’t know. Tell her I love her? Tell her that I can’t live without her?

Hunter didn’t know what to say so he was silent.

“Hunter…” Tara began, taking another step forward, “I…”

Hunter growled, “What is it that you want me to say, Tara? That I don’t know what I’m doing!? I...”

He could feel his heart beat pounding. The air felt different. He'd never said it aloud before. His mouth felt dry, almost as if he said the words it would mean that his feelings were real and that he’d be forced to face them head-on.

“You don’t understand, Tara. I love - “

She stepped forward placing a hand on his arm - a smile speading across her face.

Hunter froze at the touch, quickly turning away. He could smell her - the sweat on her dark skin, the relaxant in her hair. The pheromones in her perfume. It seemed to grab ahold of his senses, begging him to face her - to give her his full attentions. He stilled, taking a breath to steady himself.

“Do you like that, Hunter?” She said softly, tapping the panel beside the ramp as the hatch hissed closed.

Hunter felt himself begin to sweat. The scent enveloped his senses - warm and sweet. Intoxicating. It slipped through the cracks on his armor, pooling in a heat below his skin. It felt so good - so easy to relax. He bit back a groan as her fingers skimmed the skin below his chin, lifting his face towards her own. He felt his codpiece tighten.

So good. You’re so good to me.

He closed his eyes and there you were - eyes lit up in wonder at seeing the purrgil dance around the ship in hyperspace. There you were - dragging him to cover in a firefight, eyes full of concern. There you were - holding a cup of caf out to him, eyes glittering in the dim cockpit lighting.

“There you go, Hunter.” Tara murmured, “Relax. I bought this for you. For us.”

He inhaled slowly, feeling lighter than he had felt in a long time.

“I knew you’d like it,” she whispered, “Can I touch you?”

Hunter moaned - the throbbing beneath his codpiece felt stronger than ever. He wanted this - your fingers, your voice.

So good. So right. So… not you.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

His eyes flew open - alarm bells blaring dizzily through his skull - the scent too thick. Too much.

Not you. Not you. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

He gasped and stumbled backwards. “Stop!” he panted, holding up a hand. “I don’t… What the kriff are you doing!?”

Tara stood up, tearing her hand from his chest, nearly falling as she stumbled backwards, hand forcefully slapping the bulkhead behind her until she hit the exit ramp and it hissed open.

“Oh my gods!” she gasped, hands flying to her face. “I thought… I thought you wanted this! I thought…” she sputtered horrified, “You said…you said… I thought…. Oh gods… I’m so sorry, Hunter!”

Tara backed down the ramp as Hunter stumbled into the open, gasping for air. He shook his head, guilt springing to the forefront of his mind, shame sprouted in his gut making him feel sick.

How could I have let this happen?

It was the essence of you, not Tara, that had blossomed up through that musky haze. It was your hands that had touched him, not hers.

Did I tell her that I wanted this? Did I inadvertently lead her on?

He looked up, seeing her stood frozen on the bottom of the ramp, eyes wide in embarrassment, heart beat still rapid in the aftermath of horror.

She shook her head.

How could I have been so stupid? The thought was written all over her face.

“It was never me, was it.” The words came as a quiet statement rather than a question.

Hunter stood up, gritting his teeth as he composed himself. “No, Tara. It wasn't.”

“You love her, don't you.”

Hunter paused.

Saying it aloud makes it real.

Saying it aloud would prove beyond a doubt that you belonged to him and he to you.

Tech's words echoed through his brain. “According to this, you are in fact, in love.”

He took a breath. “Yes. I do love her.”

Tara nodded and turned away, “Then you should probably tell her.”

--------------------------------------------------

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fear-is-truth · 2 days

Text

𝓐𝓯𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓭

── kai anderson x fem! reader

⟢ WARNINGS: slight angst. toxic relationship. not proofread

⟢ SYNOPSIS: you’ve had enough of his bs

⟢ A/N: inspired by the song “afraid” by lana del rey. let’s pretend this is in character because… i kinda hated this ngl

𝒾’𝓂 𝒜𝓂𝑒𝓇𝒾𝒸𝒶’𝓈 𝓈𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓉𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓉, 𝓉𝓇𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒾𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝓉’𝓈 𝑒𝒶𝓈𝒾𝑒𝓇 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝔂, ‘𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒾’𝓂 𝓈𝑜 𝓪𝓯𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓭…

𝜗℘ requested by: @kaislittlelamb

“You're wasting your time,” there was thinly veiled annoyance in his voice as he watched you packing your clothes into a travel bag.

“You'll just put it all back anyway.”

“No, I won’t. Because I'm leaving,” you replied, stuffing a pair of sweatpants into your bag. “And I’m not coming back.”

“You’re going to tell me why you’re leaving?”

“Because you’ve changed. And I’m tired of being an afterthought in your grand plan.”

“There’s a great responsibility upon my shoulders, and I’ve changed for the better. You know that.”

Had he? Did he really believe that?

He watched you in silence for a moment.

“The second you step out of this house, you’ll never be welcomed back,”

There was no emotion in his ultimatum. You picked up a lacy pink bra from the pile of clothes, the one from Victoria’s Secret that he had always liked on you. Distant memories of better days flooded your mind, a time when intimacy with Kai was filled with passion and genuine connection.

But lately, sex with Kai had become nothing more than a means for him to blow off steam. The mechanical exchange a few nights ago had left a bitter taste in your mouth. After using you for his own pleasure, Kai had turned away yet again, leaving you feeling empty and used.

For all you knew, he might as well have been fucking a fleshlight with a pulse.

You set it back down on the bed.

“Fine. Tell Winter I’ll miss her very badly,”

This clearly wasn’t the answer he’d been wanting to hear, because his expression hardened, a flash of anger crossing his features like summer lightning.

“Do you expect me to stop everything I’ve been working for?” He demanded hotly. You sighed. Looked up to meet his gaze.

“I don’t expect you to give up anything, Kai. And I wish you nothing but success.”

Taking another deep breath, you continued,

“But I just can’t be a part of it anymore,”

A flicker of… something. Annoyance? Hurt? Fear? flickered in his dark eyes. Whatever it was, the unidentified emotion was quickly replaced by a veneer of cold indifference.

“Say, you’re not on your period or anything, are you?” Kai drawled, leaving the wall he had been leaning against and slowly advancing towards you. You felt a surge of anger rise up, hurt bubbling to the surface.

“No, and it has nothing to do with—”

“Such a needy little thing,” He was standing directly behind you, hands gripping on your shoulders in a slightly possessive way.

“Was that all the theatrics were for? If this was just a ploy to have my cock inside of you, you could’ve just asked,”

“What happened to you? I don’t even know you anymore!” you cried out, breaking away from his grip. Kai remained impassive, bottomless black eyes like tar pits staring back at you, devoid of the warmth and kindness that had once drawn you to him.

He was no longer the sweet, awkward guy you had fallen in love with in college. The person standing before you was a stranger, a shadow of the man you had once loved (still loved), and it broke your heart to see how far he had fallen.

Fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes, you snatched up your bag and bolted for the bedroom door. You knew if you didn’t leave now, you’d never get another chance to leave again.

“Fuck!”

Before you could make it out the doorway, his hand shot out, seizing your arm and slamming you against the wall with a force that stole the air from your lungs.

His grip tightened around your wrists, trapping you against the wall as he loomed over you, his face contorted with anger and frustration.

“Please, Kai, just... let me go,”

Your heart pounded wildly in your chest as you braced yourself for the inevitable blow. He had never hit you before, but in that moment, you were certain this would be a first.

But to your surprise, the strike never came.

Instead, he sank to his knees, his grip loosening on your wrist as he wrapped his arms around your waist. For a moment, you stood completely paralysed, unable to process what had happened.

Kai’s shoulders heaved with sobs, his tears soaking into the fabric of your sweater as he buried his face against your stomach.

“I’m sorry,” his breath coming in ragged gasps,

“I just love you so much…I can’t bear to lose you. Please don’t leave,”

Slowly, tentatively, you reached out, running your fingers through his hair.

Maybe this was just another one of his many schemes, designed to manipulate you into staying.

Maybe he truly loved you.

You didn't know.

But as you gazed into his tear-streaked eyes, searching for any hint of sincerity, you realised that it didn't matter anymore.

The only thing you were certain of in that moment was that you wouldn't be able to leave, not now, not ever.

For better or for worse, you were bound to him.

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joelmillerisapunk · 22 hours

Text

Beach Daddy IV. Got Me Feeling Vertigo

Rich bfd!Joel Miller x f!reader

Series Masterlist • Masterlist

Wordcount: 11,847

Summary: The weight of your secrets and the impending danger from Todd threaten to tear you apart. Will you find the courage to confess your feelings to Joel, or will you let fear and deceit ruin your chance at love?

Warnings: 18+, this ones just back on its drama - boo Todd 👿 yay Joel 😘, tis fluffy, we meet Marnie (Sarah's mom), more on Blaine. Just Joel being the hard-headed but southern gentleman he is.

Notes: hiiiii! I hope you enjoy! Happy May 💐 Comments and reblogs and thoughts are always appreciated ilysm for reading these mammoth chapters and sticking it out. Ty @saradika-graphics for the divider

“Get your ass to bed before I throw you off my ship."

You fumble for the doorknob at your back, and the door swings open behind you, almost causing you to trip backward inside. Joel follows you into the room a few seconds later, leaving Todd out in the hall. You think it's probably for the best because Joel looks like he really might throw Todd over the side of the ship.

Joel locks the door behind him. You make your way to the bed and sit down, trying to catch your breath. You feel safer with Joel here. He comes over to you and places his hands on each side of your face looking into your eyes. Worry swims in his, and you nearly pull his mouth to yours.

“Did he hurt you? You have to tell me if he hurt you."

“I'm fine, really. I'm just a little shaken up, but I’ll be okay."

He continues to hold your face in his hands as if he's inspecting it to reassure himself that you're not hurt. You have to keep your eyes focused on him so they don't drift down to his perfect lips. Joel leans in closer, and you close your eyes, waiting -

Cool air hits your cheeks, replacing the warmth where Joel's hands had been. Your eyes burst open, and Joel's back is to you as he makes his way to the sofa. Heat burns through your entire body, and you wish Joel hadn't pulled away.

“I need you to tell me the truth."

“What do you mean?" You ask, still breathless.

“I saw your face when that piece of cheesecake with the engagement ring was set in front of you. You weren't surprised; you looked almost heartbroken. Then at dinner tonight, Todd said something that made it sound like he’s known you for a lot longer than just this week. Then, I came up here to check on you, and he has you cornered."

“Joel, he was just drunk. I don't think he knew what he was doing," you say, looking down at your feet.

“Is he the reason you wanted to leave?" Joel asks bluntly. You can't understand his anger. Is it possible that he's jealous of Todd?

“Not him specifically," you say, quickly bending the truth. “A lot of the group makes me feel like I don't belong. I don't come from money like the rest of them, and it's very obvious to me that I don't fit in with them."

In all actuality, you do feel like the odd one out a lot of the time. You imagine it feels similar to following an older sibling and their friends around. No one really wants you to come, but they put up with you so they won't get in trouble. It is, however, still a lie about the reason you wanted to leave.

Joel looks at you with a hint of sympathy in his eyes. “I didn't know you felt that way."

“I don't feel that way when I'm with you. Sometimes it feels like you’re the only one who wants me on this ship." You make your way across the room to sit on the sofa opposite him.

“I do want you here," Joel says softly.

You think back to the maid, Charlotte, talking about how Marnie had run off all of the women that ever got serious with Joel. You realise that he isn’t the playboy Sarah always makes him out to be. It isn't his intention that none of the women he's ever dated have not stayed around for long.

“I came up here to make sure you were feeling alright."

“I’m feeling a lot better," you say, feeling guilty about getting out of dinner with an excuse of being seasick. It felt like the best option, though, since you were apparently a topic of conversation at dinner. You wonder what Todd said about you to Joel but know it's best not to ask, or he’ll start asking questions you don't want to answer.

“Did you get anything to eat?"

“No, I didn't want to bug anyone."

You think back to the few handfuls of popcorn you ate while playing cards. You could definitely use something more substantial. Joel stands and walks to the intercom on the wall of your room.

“Can you please send some dinner up and a whiskey for me?"

—

“Is there anything else I can get you, sir?" Brenna says as she sets down the tray on the coffee table between Joel and you. She turns and winks at you, and you try your best to hide a smile.

“No, that's everything. Thank you, Brenna; I know it's late."

“I was up anyway, sir, and the night chef was in the kitchen making preparations for tomorrow, so it was really no trouble." Brenna turns and walks out the door, clicking it closed behind her.

“I like that you call all of your staff by name," you say, impressed that he cares so much about his staff despite his wealth.

“One of the few valuable things I learned from my father was to respect the people who work for you. Without them, I wouldn't be able to do the work that I do or enjoy my limited free time. My father always made it a point to call each employee by their name. In that way alone, I followed in his footsteps."

Joel takes the cover off of your plate for you. It's a bowl of chicken pesto pasta and a side of garlic bread. The smell of the garlic hits your nose instantly, and you can feel your stomach urging you to grab the plate.

“Your father sounds like he was a very harsh man?" You ask, hoping you're not overstepping. You grab the bowl of pasta off the tray and take a bite. The cheese melts in your mouth perfectly, complemented by the pesto.

“He was very harsh, and strict. He had high expectations for me, and he made it known when I disappointed him."

“That must have been hard."

“It was, but it made me who I am today. I don't take the wealth, or the work it takes to maintain it, for granted. But I do try to be a kinder man than he was."

You stay quiet and work on the rest of your pasta, slowly savoring each bite. You know Joel will probably leave as soon as you're done, so you take your time.

“I forgot to tell you I got in contact with a law firm I've worked with in the past. They would like to bring you in for an interview for a secretary position."

You nearly drop your fork. “Are you serious?"

Joel smiles at your response. He nods and takes a swig from his whiskey glass. “I'll get you their information. They're ready to bring you in as soon as you get settled."

“I can't thank you enough, Joel. You don't understand how life-changing this is for me," you say, setting down the bowl of pasta on the table. You wish you could stand up and hug him.

“I'm just glad you decided to stay. You are the only one making this trip bearable," Joel says, meeting your eyes. The look in his eyes makes your heart flutter.

A loud vibration against the leather of the sofa breaks the moment, and Joel pulls out his phone. His face falls as soon as he reads the notification on his home screen. “I’m so sorry but I have something I have to deal with. I'm glad to see that you’re feeling better, darlin. If you need anything, let me know."

You stand. “Thank you for everything, Joel, truly everything."

He smiles and quickly makes his way to the door without looking back and closes the door behind him. The room suddenly feels empty with Joel gone. You slump back onto the leather sofa and grab the garlic bread off the plate, dipping it in the remaining pesto at the bottom of your bowl.

Your phone screen illuminates the dark corner where your bed sits, so you hesitantly get up to check your notifications. At the top are a few messages in the group text between your friends, and just below that is a friend request from Joel. You smile to yourself and accept it, then open your group chat.

Lin: What amazing thing did you get to do today? I am bored of packing for the move. I need to live vicariously through you.

Aubrey: Lin, keep packing you only have a few more weeks.

Lin: Don't sound too sad to have us go, lol!

Aubrey: You know I am going to miss you two like crazy, but I know you will panic pack at the last minute and forget half your underwear drawer. I am not shipping your panties to you, Lin!

Lin: You know me too well, Aubs.

You: I love that every time I check my phone, I have messages like these! Nothing exciting today. We have been at sea all day on our way to Sarah's dad's mansion in the Bahamas. I went down to the employee's quarters and played cards and got a lot of dirt on Sarah’s mom.

Lin: Okay, I'm going to need pictures of this Bahama's Mansion and details on her mom!

You: Sarah's mom left her dad for another man because she thought it would help her climb the social ladder. Turned out he wasn't as rich or well off socially as she thought, and when he died, she did a paternity test, and here we are.

You: We are going to her dad's mansion for Sarah and Todd's engagement party…

Lin: It sounds like Sarah is the spitting image of her mother.

Aubrey: Not only did you have to witness their engagement, but now you have to go to their engagement party too?

Lin: I swear, you have the absolute worst luck on the planet.

You: You don't even know the half of my bad luck on this trip.

Lin: What do you mean? What else has happened?

You: Well, I don't really fit in with the rest of the group.

Aubrey: But I thought you said you were making other friends? Joel right?

You: I am.

Lin: So, what do you mean by bad luck?

You: Joel is Sarah's dad.

Aubrey: Why is that a problem? I have a lot of friends in my classes who are like double my age.

You: It's a problem because I'm falling for him. Absolutely head over heels falling for him.

—

Once in the hall, Joel opens the text message that interrupted his conversations with you

Lucille: Do you know someone named Blaine?

That simple sentence makes his stomach drop. He was now contacting family members. Joel makes his way back to the privacy of his office for the second time in the same night. He closes the door behind him before dialing his cousin Lucille's number.

“Joel, I am so glad you called me. I just had the strangest conversation with someone named Blaine. I was just getting out of the bath when I got a call from an unknown number. Now, usually I don't answer the phone if I don't know the number, but I gave my information to this adorable man at the coffee shop earlier today, so I figured it was him."

“Lucille, this is important; I need you to tell me exactly what Blaine said to you." He has to keep Lucille focused on the topic, she's always been a talker, but at this moment, he can't politely listen to all of her stories in their excruciating detail.

“Oh, right, the call from Blaine! He told me I needed to meet his demands or else."

“What were his demands?"

“He wants me to send half a million dollars in a box to an address in New Jersey. I'm sure it's just one of those scam callers that has nothing better to do with their life."

“Lucille, if you thought it was a scam, then why did you ask me if I knew him?"

“Well, that's what I found so strange. He knew all about our family tree and how we are related. I just thought it was a little more information than scammers normally have. However, who knows? With the Internet, I'm sure people can find out all kinds of information about our family. We aren't exactly flying under the radar - Oh! Did you see that latest news article in the paper? Apparently, you are about to agree to an arranged marriage to the Princess of Thailand."

“Lucille, I'm afraid this isn't a scam. But the arranged marriage definitely isn't true. Have you left your house since you got this call?"

“No, why? Joel, you're making me nervous."

“Okay, don't leave your house. I'm sending some of my security team over there now. Do not open the door for anyone else."

“What should I do about Blaine's demands?"

“Just ignore it."

“Joel, who is it we’re dealing with?" Lucille asks. She’s clearly nervous now.

“You don't have to deal with anyone, Lucille, I promise. I will take care of everything. Don't answer any unknown numbers, and do not go anywhere without one of my men with you. I will get this figured out."

“Okay, Joel. Just be careful."

“I will be. Call me if you need anything."

He hangs up the phone and slams his palm against his desk, even though he wants to punch something instead. He allows himself a few seconds of anger before picking up his phone again and calling his head of security.

“Hello?" a burly voice sounds on the other end of the phone call.

“Bruce, I need you to send two men over to my cousin Lucille's home in the West Village. Her address should be listed in her file."

“Of course, sir. Has there been an incident?"

“A man named Blaine Blake. He’s blackmailing Lucille at the moment. I’m not sure what he’s capable of, but he is a threat to the entire family. I need your best men on this."

“Two men are already on their way to your cousin's, sir. Do I need to send a team to you?"

He knew he hired Bruce for a reason. He’s extremely efficient and always one step ahead of everyone else. He’s exactly who he needs to help him take care of Blaine.

“No need quite yet, but I'll keep you posted. Oh, and Bruce?"

“Yes, sir?"

“Keep your ear to the ground, and let me know anything you find out about this Blaine Blake. Any information that you find needs to be kept under wraps."

“On it, sir. Everything will be done with the utmost secrecy."

“Thank you, Bruce. Have a good evening."

Joel hangs up the phone and sets it on his large oak desk. Unconsciously, he's been pacing around his office while on the phone. He slumps himself down into his leather armchair and swivels it around so he can watch the ocean. It's so dark, it's hard to differentiate the water from the sky.

He should have known he would hear from Blaine eventually. He first found out about his existence after his parents' death when he was seventeen. His father's will had very bluntly stated that Blaine was to receive nothing. Joel had no idea that he had a half-brother out there in the world until after his dad was gone and couldn't explain the situation for himself. Joel was left spending the rest of his early adult life piecing the clues together. His parents' constant fighting and lack of affection for each other made complete sense as soon as he knew that his father's infidelity was likely the cause. He ripped apart his father's office, trying to find any clues about his hidden life. The only thing he found was a check register, showing he had paid a woman named Anne Blake - one hundred thousand dollars. He had no illusions about his father, he knew exactly what he'd done.

His father kept detailed records of every dime he ever spent; the lack of information on the check register told him everything he needed. The hundred thousand dollars was hush money, and the woman, Anne Blake, had to be his father's mistress. He searched for years to find Anne Blake, but her name was so common, it was impossible to narrow down his search enough to find the right woman. He had no other information to go off of, and was left with a million unanswered questions. It wasn't until he found out he was Sarah's father that he had a hope of finding his brother. Sarah had taken a DNA test that linked her to other Miller's who had their DNA in the same database. Joel took the same DNA test and waited for a notification that he had a sibling match in the database. Last year, that notification finally came, but after some digging into his brother Blaine Blake's history, he wished he'd never known about him. More importantly, he wished he didn't know at all. Blaine's criminal record was far from clean, with multiple charges of petty theft and blackmail. It wasn't long after that, that the threats started coming in. At first, it was easy to shake the threats off, and Joel simply ignored all of them. In the last month, Blaine must have gotten desperate because his attempts at blackmail were getting increasingly threatening.

So far, he even avoided telling his security team about the threats, but now he's threatening Joel's family. He knows Bruce will get to the bottom of the problem, but he'll likely find out about all of his family's dirty laundry in the process.

Joel runs his hands up his face and through his hair. Leaning back, he stares at the ceiling. He knows he’ll never be able to sleep after the events of the last few hours, so he turns back around to his desk and opens his laptop. Might as well get some work done if he's going to be up anyway.

A notification greets him as the screen flashes to life. You accepted his friend request. At that, he can't help but smile, just a little. There's something about you that makes it impossible for Joel to get you out of his head. He's immediately distracted by the memory of you riding on the back of the jet ski to find the dolphins. Thinking of that day, he can almost feel your body pressed against his back and how your face lit up when the dolphins swam into the cove. That night when you walked out of the salon in the dress he mentioned would look good on you; you nearly knocked him senseless. You felt beautiful and he could see it on your face.

He realises sitting there alone in his office, he would give anything to make you feel that way all the time. There's no point in denying it any further, he's falling for you. If you were anyone other than Sarah's friend, he'd pursue you without a second thought. But, the last thing he needs is to complicate his relationship with his daughter even more. It doesn't help that his daughter is so clueless as to be cruel to the one person she invites that could actually help her grow into a decent person.

The screen of his phone alerts him to another incoming text message.

Marnie: I need a plane ticket to the Bahamas. It was bad enough that I had to hear about my daughter's engagement over the phone. I refuse to miss her engagement party too. So we will also need to push the party back so I can be there.

A few seconds later, another message follows the first.

Marnie: Also, we need to start discussing the wedding plans. Sarah's wedding needs to be absolutely perfect. We can talk about the details later. Send the flight information as soon as possible.

Joel opens the drawer of his desk and slides his phone inside. He is not in the mood to deal with Marnie and her demands. He knows deep down that Sarah is becoming more and more like her mother each and every day. A part of him is excited about Sarah's wedding for the simple fact that she’ll be another man's problem. He immediately feels bad for thinking that of his own daughter, but it seems she only cares about his money. Thinking about Sarah's upcoming wedding brings a new wave of memories rushing in. Embarrassment floods his veins as he thinks about the conversation he had with his daughter over dinner. She said that you didn't fit the aesthetic of her wedding, so she wouldn't ask you to be a bridesmaid. He couldn't understand that. But if Sarah won't have you at the wedding as a bridesmaid, maybe he'll just bring you as his date.

—

The last thing you want to do is run into Todd, especially after his actions the night before; you think it would be wise to avoid him completely. Book in hand, you head to the secret deck off of the dining room balcony, where you had shared a few quiet moments with Joel. You figure it would be the best place for you to hide out and also possibly run into Joel again. He left in such a rush the night before, you’re curious to find out what happened. You check down the hallway before speed walking to the dining room. As soon as your hand hits the doorknob, Sarah's voice sounds behind you.

"I have been looking for you everywhere!"

You turn around quickly, and you’re relieved to see that Sarah is alone. She’s wearing a one-piece swimming suit in navy blue with the bust line cutting down to her belly button. She has a white sun hat and a pair of Chanel sunglasses to complete her beachwear.

"Sarah," you say with a smile.

"Come with me down to the beach. I am so bored, and I can't stand being on this boat for another second," she says with an overly dramatic sigh.

"I thought we were heading to your dad's place and wouldn't get there until tonight." You turn and look out the dining room windows. You’re surprised you hadn't noticed earlier that you aren't moving.

"Daddy said we had to stop to refuel. He is also giving some of the crew their half-day break so they can go on land and contact family or something stupid like that," Sarah says with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh," you say, slightly irritated at Sarah's insensitivity. "Well, a half-day isn't that bad."

"It is when you have an engagement party to plan. Plus, daddy told me that my mom is flying out for the party. She is going to be waiting at the house while we sit here all day."

The thought of meeting Marnie makes you slightly nervous. Maybe because you’re worried she’ll be able to tell you have feelings for Joel. You can't let Sarah catch you in a daydream about her dad, so you shift the conversation as quickly as possible.

"Where is everyone else?"

"Everyone has a hangover. Todd started a drinking game last night, and everyone had a little too much."

Well, that makes a lot of the previous night make more sense. Todd is never one to handle his alcohol very well, and he’s even worse at games. You’re curious as to just how many drinks made Todd forget himself the way he did last night. He was not waiting long into the engagement to show his true colors.

"How are you not hung over?" you ask, looking her up and down. She doesn't look like she was drinking the night before at all. As always, she looks absolutely flawless.

"The bartenders know to give me water instead of an actual shot. I hate the way I get bags under my eyes when I drink too much. It’ss much better to stay hydrated than look hungover."

"Right. Well, I was just going to go find somewhere quiet to read, but reading on the beach sounds a lot more fun."

"Great! I can wait for you to go get ready," Sarah says, looking at your outfit.

"I am ready, Sarah."

"Oh, you look…cute. Anyway, let's go!"

You follow Sarah out on the dock and quickly realize it will not be a simple morning on the beach.

A few members of staff have set up a large tan beach canopy surrounded by white gauzy curtains. In the center is a pair of chaise lounge chairs made of rattan and topped with matching white cushions. It looks like a photoshoot.

"Do you think you could take a few pictures of me? I haven't posted anything in a few days, and my followers are getting antsy."

The true purpose of Sarah inviting you to spend time with her this morning becomes very obvious. She needs a photographer, not a friend.

"Sure, I can take a few. I really want to read this book, though, so if we could be fast…"

"Oh, that is an awesome idea!"

Sarah grabs the book out of your hand and flips it from the front cover to the back. You must look confused because she quickly explains.

"We could take a few shots of me reading on the beach. I haven't done that before. Is this one of those books that will make me look smart?"

"Yeah, I guess we could. It's just a romance novel, I don't know if your followers will think it makes you smart, but it might make you a little more relatable to some people."

"Smart people read. You, of all people, should know that. Maybe I’ll stop getting all those mean comments about being stupid. I can caption it 'steamy reading on the beach.'"

Sarah takes her place on the lounge in a very photogenic pose that makes her look graceful while still artfully showing off her cleavage. She opens the book and drapes it over herself, careful not to block her best assets. After a few pictures, she will check your work and find the smallest thing she doesn't like and will make you take more.

"Make sure you get the lighting just right and hold the camera up higher for a better angle. Oh, and make sure to get a good view of the ring. I'm hoping someone will notice it, and then my comment section will blow up."

"Don't you want to wait until the actual announcement?" you ask.

"Oh, no! I am going to pretend like it is a mistake that I posted a picture with the ring on; that way, it will attract more attention."

"It's always about the attention with you," you say under your breath.

"What was that?"

"Tilt your head up higher, so you don't have a double chin."

Sarah gasps and asks to see the pictures you had taken, so she can search for the nonexistent double chin. You feel bad as soon as you say it, you don't need to stoop to her level. After finding out so much about Sarah's past, you understand why she can be so hard to be around at times. If you had found out your father wasn't really your father after he passed away, you would have been devastated too.

"I think it was just a shadow, Sarah you don't have a double chin in any of these pictures. I don't think it is even possible for you to have a double chin," you say, trying to make up for your moment of weakness.

"Of course, you're right," Sarah says as she hands her phone back to you. Apparently, you aren't done taking pictures.

"Maybe we could get a few shots of me in the sand. Those always get a ton of likes."

Sarah begins to position herself on her stomach in the sand with the book open in front of her. She bends her knees, so her legs are in the air, and she bites the end of her sunglasses while she pretends to read. The pictures look like they belong on the cover of a magazine. Sarah looks so natural, even though she's strategically posing herself.

“Sarah, do you ever get tired of this?"

“Of taking pictures? No, not really."

“Not just of the pictures, but of constantly worrying about what others are thinking of you."

“That is why I take so many pictures; if you put your best picture out there, the only ones who comment mean things are the people who are jealous."

“It just seems like so much work to paint yourself as perfect all the time. I guess that's why I stopped using social media so long ago for the most part."

“For once, things actually are perfect. I have the perfect fiance, and soon I'll have the perfect wedding too. If you ever want to get back onto social media, I could help you.”

"I'm good for now, but thanks," you say, resuming taking pictures. You realize that Sarah likely doesn't know about your past relationship with Todd because you never posted anything about it on social media. If you don't tell her, she likely wouldn't ever know, and you don't want to be the one to break that news to her. So you keep your mouth shut and keep taking every picture Sarah asks for.

"I think I should have something I can work with from these. Thanks, for helping me out. It was so much fun to spend some time with you," Sarah says, making her way back to the ship without looking back.

It isn't exactly your idea of fun to take pictures all afternoon, but you are finally alone, and you can enjoy your book. You take Sarah's chaise lounge under the shade of the canopy. Even with the breeze gently fluttering the sheer curtains hanging off the canopy, you are still dripping sweat. You had to stand directly in the sun to get all of the shots until your wet tank top clung to your body.

You check the beach to make sure it’s empty before slipping your shirt off and setting it next to you on the empty lounge chair. You feel so much cooler as the breeze snakes through the gaps of your lacy bralette. You open your book and are so thankful for the silence. You get sucked into the story on the pages, so much so that you don’t hear the voices approaching until they are only a few feet from you.

"Can you call and make sure the interest rate we discussed earlier is set in stone?"

"Of course, sir."

You don't have time to slip back into your shirt, so you press the open book to your chest, taking advantage of the little coverage it offers you. You look up to find Joel and Reggie staring at you. Reggie quickly averts his eyes. Joel stares openly at your body, and when his eyes meet yours, you know he wants you as much as you want him.

Reggie apologizes, "We didn't realize you were out here. We will give you some privacy." He keeps his head down and shuffles through the sand back to the dock.

"We aren't leaving for a few more hours." Joel holds your gaze as tightly as you’re holding the open book to your chest. "Take your time and enjoy yourself. I'll make sure no one comes down and bothers you if you'd like to resume reading," Joel offers. He winks at you and then follows Reggie back to the dock.

You watch Joel as he walks away, his neatly pressed linen button-up fluttering gently in the breeze. Once he and Reggie are at a safe distance, you grab your shirt off of the lounge chair next to you and slip it over your head. You let yourself fall backward on the plush cushions and close your eyes, imagining Joel undressing you the way he had done with his eyes when he realized you were wearing nothing but your bralette.

A wave of heat rushes through you at the thought until you remember where you are. You sit up so quickly that you make your head spin. After waiting a few seconds to regain your balance, you place your book under your arm, and with your head down, you race back to your room. As soon as your door clicks closed behind you, you head for the shower, throwing your clothes to the floor on your way there. You stand for a long time under the cool water. Eventually, you feel the embarrassment wash down the drain. It takes even longer for the heat Joel made you feel to wash away.

Wrapping yourself in a towel, you make your way out of the bathroom. You would love to sit on the balcony and let the breeze help extinguish what you’re feeling, but you figure you've already taken too much risk for one day. Instinctively, you grab your phone off of the bed to text your friends an update.

You: If I could die of embarrassment, you two would be making funeral arrangements as we speak.

Lin: Oooo, is there some daddy drama we need to know about?

You: Unfortunately, yes. I was just lying on the beach in my bralette, and I had no idea Joel was walking by until it was too late.

Aubrey: I'm sure he didn't mind. If it is that one you bought on our last shopping trip, I know he didn't mind!

Lin: So what did you do? Let him stand there in awe?

You: So not funny, you two! I covered myself with the book I was reading… but we definitely shared a moment.

Lin: Sounds steamier than those romance novels you read!

You: I think I am in way over my head. What do I do? We are staying at his house in the Bahamas for the next few days. We should get there later tonight.

Lin: Let it happen!

Aubrey: Just see where it goes, but if you want to leave, I will find you a plane out of there.

You: It might not be a bad idea to get that flight information. Would you mind Aubrey?

Aubrey: Of course, I will send you the details; that way, you have them if you need them.

You: Thank you. I will keep you both updated!

You close your phone and sigh. You don't want to leave, but it might be for the best, so you don't do something stupid. The thought of leaving this vacation is a weighted decision. If you don't see Todd again for the rest of your life, you'll be overjoyed. However, the thought of possibly never seeing Joel again, of never finding out if you could be more, is painful to think about. Your head is spinning over what the best decision is. So, instead of making any big decisions, you get yourself dressed, fully expecting another quiet day at sea. Exhausted from the heat of the morning and Sarah's impromptu photo shoot, you throw yourself on the bed and close your eyes for what feels like a few minutes.

A light knocking on your door wakes you up, and your eyes take a moment to adjust to the lighting in the room. A quick look out your balcony window, and you know you've slept way longer than you had intended. The golden glow of sunset is streaming through the windows, dusting everything in a light pink hue.

"Brenna! Hey, what's going on?" you ask as you open the door, happy to see a familiar face.

"I was sent up to help you with your luggage. We should be arriving at the Miller's vacation home in about an hour," Brenna explains.

"Oh, wow. I slept a lot longer than I meant to," you say and hold the door open for Brenna to enter your room. You try to rub the sleep from your eyes as she walks into your room.

"No worries, the only thing you missed was the 'Richies' showing off in the pool all day," Brenna reports.

"Then it sounds like I made the right decision. How were they showing off?" you ask.

"Oh, you know the usual 'I'm so annoyed my parents bought me the wrong color convertible,' 'I can't believe he really thought that I drank anything but sparkling water,' 'the sheets in my room are so uncomfortable–the ones on my dad's yacht are Egyptian cotton.'"

You laugh and shake your head. Brenna does a great impression of the things you have heard from different members of the group all week. You head to the closet, Brenna right behind you. "I don't think it will actually take me an hour to get everything packed up. Most of my stuff can just be thrown back in my suitcase, and my new clothes are all still in the garment bags," you say.

"It must be my lucky day. I was in that girl Megan's room earlier, and it looked like she tried on an entire store's worth of clothes and threw them on the floor when they weren't what she was looking for. I feel horrible for whoever got assigned to her room," Brenna comments.

"I would pity anyone who had to work for Megan. I avoid her at all costs. When she glares at you, it feels like you're going to start burning right on the spot," you say.

"I know, right? She's the worst of all of Sarah's friends, but her dad owns some luxury watch company, so she has been a regular on the guest lists for a long time," Brenna explains.

"Brenna, what is the vacation house like?" you ask.

"It's more than someone like you or me could ever believe one person could afford," Brenna replies.

—

As the yacht pulls up to the private dock of the Miller's Bahama vacation home, the size of the mansion is on full display. The white colonial-style mansion is three stories tall, with cantilever balconies off of the second floor. An illuminated infinity pool rests at the top of the white sanded private beach. A small runway off to the side of the property ends at a white stone gazebo that juts out into the ocean. Full palm trees edge the beach, making it feel secluded from the rest of the island. Music plays from the large deck, and shadows of people dot the beach and poolside.

Sarah rushes down to the dock, where a group of very rich women wait for you. Sarah squeals and thrusts her hand forward to show off her engagement ring. This is followed by echoed squeals from the group. You hesitate as your feet hit the dock, not wanting to get in the middle of the model-like women.

"Oh, sweetie, the maid's entrance is around to the side," one of the women says.

You stop in your tracks, not knowing how to respond to the assumption. You feel a warm palm on your lower back push you gently forward past the woman. Joel.

He leans down close to your ear and whispers, "Don't let them intimidate you. You're twice the woman any of them could ever be." His breath tickles your neck, and goosebumps prickle the skin down your arms. You look up at him and give him a weak smile. "Let me show you where you’ll be staying," he says quietly as he lets the corner of his mouth brush your earlobe.

"Thank you," you nearly moan.

Joel keeps his hand on your lower back as you walk to the mansion. He leads you through the back doors and into a living room with a giant chandelier hanging in the middle of the room. Two fish tanks containing every color of tropical fish rest on either side of the large staircase you take to the second floor.

"This is one of my favorite rooms in the entire house," Joel says. He leads you into an elegant bedroom with white double doors exiting onto one of the balconies you had seen from the yacht. Palm fronds are a recurring theme in the decorations throughout the room in a pale green color.

"It's so beautiful; I wouldn't dare touch anything," you say.

"Nonsense. Make yourself comfortable. It's one of three master bedrooms, so you have your own ensuite just through that door there," Joel says, gesturing to an open door on the other side of the room.

"I don't know if I belong in one of the master suites. I would really be okay with one of the smaller rooms," you say.

"This is where you belong. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.”

��

Waking up in the enormous master suite, you find yourself bathed in the soft glow of morning coming through the windows. The tranquillity is broken by screams of irritation from the floor below.

Wrapping the robe Joel had given you around yourself, you open the door to your room and hurry down the stairs to see what's going on. "You have got to be kidding me! This is completely unacceptable!" A woman with hair matching Sarah's is yelling at Max, the staff member you'd played cards with on the yacht.

"Ma'am, I don't know what to tell you. Mr. Miller has already assigned the rooms; I cannot go against his direct orders. There is already another guest staying in that room, and I am sure Mr. Miller would not approve of me kicking them out of the room," Max replies, clearly exasperated.

"We will see about that. You will be lucky if you still have a job by the time I'm through with you," the woman retorts and spots you on the stairs. Her face is devoid of emotion, probably from the excessive and very obvious botox treatments. "Come to enjoy the show, did we?" she asks, but you can't tell if she's trying to glare at you or not. You turn around, deciding it's best not to get involved.

A few hours later, you dare to leave your room again but are met with more yelling coming from the lower floor. Your empty stomach protests the idea of going back through there, so you hope you can make it to the kitchen without anyone seeing you.

"So you are the one that took my room," Marnie says immediately, and you know it's her.

You turn to find not only Marnie but Sarah, Todd, and Megan too. Megan has a small smirk on her mouth that she tries and fails to hide.

"What are you talking about?" you ask, pretending you have no idea what she means.

"I just found out that one of the master bedrooms went to you. I am stuck on the bottom floor in one of the guest rooms like some commoner," Marnie complains.

"I don't see the problem. I was told which room had been assigned to me. I didn't ask for it."

"Oh, you must be the poor one. It makes sense why you can't understand something so simple," Marnie says with a pointed look at your simple clothes.

Megan laughs at Marnie's comment, and Sarah playfully slaps her arm to get her to stop. You can't bring yourself to look at Todd's face, but you figure he's getting a laugh out of this interaction as well.

"Do you know who I am?" Marnie asks.

You internally cringe. You've always hated customers who tried the 'do you know who I am' card at the bar. "I'm guessing that you’re Sarah's mother," you say as calmly as you can.

"Exactly. So you need to pack up your things and get out of my room."

"I'm not moving my stuff. I was assigned that room, and I'm going to stay in it."

Marnie starts stammering an explanation, but Joel walks into the room without her noticing. Relief floods your entire body, knowing Joel is here. He has an angry burning look in his eyes that makes Marnie nervous.

"This whole thing was just a misunderstanding. I just figured, with our history, I would have one of the bigger rooms. I just remembered, though, that I love the view of the ocean from the room I'm in, that’s probably why you picked it for me," Marnie explains.

Joel doesn't say anything in response, and Marnie tries her best to make an escape. Sarah and Todd follow Marnie out of the kitchen, and you feel heat on your lower back. Joel has placed his hand there and leans close to you.

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly.

You nod and step away from him, grabbing an apple out of the fruit bowl on the counter.

—

The rest of the morning is spent carefully avoiding Marnie, but it seems like everywhere you go, Todd shows up a few minutes later. He's always talking very loudly about what needs to be done before the engagement party. Not wanting to talk to him, you give up and go back to your room. You go out to the balcony and lean over the railing to watch the ocean. A few men are surfing, and you can make out Joel sitting on his surfboard bobbing in the water.

"Baby cakes?"

You look over to see Todd leaning over the railing of the adjacent balcony, straining to see you on yours. You shake your head at him.

"Please, I just need to talk to you."

"You have nothing to say that I would be interested in hearing," you say and go back into your room, shutting the door behind you a little more forcefully than you intended. Your heart is pounding, and you know you need to get control of your anger, but you can't do that knowing Todd is in the next room over. So you grab your book and a beach towel out of the bathroom before heading down to the beach. You walk through the living area of the mansion and nearly run into two giant ice sculptures as they are being brought through to the kitchen.

"Oh, careful!" Sarah says, rushing over to inspect the ice sculpture. You quickly step back to avoid a life-size rendition of Sarah and Todd embracing.

"Oh wow…" is the only thing you can say, looking at the ice sculpture.

"I know, right? It is absolutely perfect," Sarah beams.

"It sure is something."

"Mom commissioned it as soon as she found out about the engagement party."

"Well, I want the best for my little girl," Marnie's voice flows down the stairs as she makes her way toward you with Todd on her arm.

"It really is the perfect embodiment of us both," Todd says with a smile in your direction.

"It matches your heart, Todd. Ice cold," you mutter under your breath.

You make a hasty exit out the back door and nearly run towards the beach, needing to get away from both versions of Todd.

You spread your towel out in the sand and lounge on the ground, hoping to continue the book you had been trying to read the day before. Sarah's demanding voice carries all the way down to the private beach.

You need a better distraction. You throw your head back and look up at the bright blue sky. You don't think you can make it through this engagement party. Your phone vibrates with a text message from Aubrey, containing flight information for a flight leaving the next day. It would cost the rest of your savings, but maybe it would be for the best if you left.

"Every time I've seen you lately, you've had that book with you, but you never seem to be reading it."

You sit up to find Joel standing in front of you, shirtless, soaking wet, and holding a surfboard. Beads of water are sliding down his naked torso, and you can't help but watch them caress his skin, slowly sneaking lower. You look back up at Joel's teasing smile.

"Do you need a towel? You're dripping on me," you say with a playful smile.

"Would you share yours? Unless you'd like to join me for one more wave."

"I have never been surfing," you admit.

"I would be happy to teach you, as long as you don't send us both flying into the water again," Joel says with a wink and a charming smile.

“I can't make any promises about that," you say with a laugh.

“Then it might be best for you to stay on dry land. The engagement party is supposed to start in a few hours."

You sigh quietly and look down at your toes; you buried them under the sand. You pull them out and brush off the sand.

“Well then, I'm going to head back up to shower and get ready." Joel offers you his hand and helps you off the ground.

“I'll see you there." You hand Joel the towel you had been sitting on.

“In the shower?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I'll see you at the party Joel," you reply with a seductive glance over your shoulder as you walk back toward the mansion, leaving him behind you. You can feel his eyes on you as you walk away.

—

The soft fabric of your chiffon cocktail dress swishes against your thighs as you make your way downstairs. The music is already thumping through the house from the back patio, making the windows rattle slightly. The infinity pool is illuminated, giving the entire party a slight glow. The first place you head is to the bartender, knowing it's going to take a lot to get through this night and needing all the help you can get.

"Would you like a Sarah Lemon Drop or a Todd Tequila Shot?"

"Are these the only two things on the menu?" you ask. You shouldn't be surprised that they have signature drinks named after themselves.

The bartender gives you a sympathetic smile, "Or we have the Marry Me Margarita."

This is going to be a very long night.

"A margarita then…"

You walk away with your margarita in hand and join a small group of people surrounding the life-size ice sculpture of Sarah and Todd. A woman turns to you and asks, "So how do you know the couple?"

"Oh, I went to school with Sarah at NYU." You figure it's best to leave out how you know Todd.

"I didn't realize that Sarah went to college. She never mentioned it at our photo shoot in Greece last year. That's how we met," she says with an air of superiority.

"What did you study at NYU?" a man says, entering the conversation.

"Oh, I got my Bachelor's in history and I just graduated with my Master's in political science. I'm going to Harvard for Law school in the fall."

"That sounds absolutely terrible. I went for the first week of college and dropped out. They wanted me to show up for classes before, like ten in the morning," the woman says.

"Yeah, some of the classes can be pretty early," you say, not knowing how to respond.

"So, are your parents making you go to law school or something? Does your dad own a law firm? I have a friend whose dad is making him become a lawyer so he can take over the law firm someday," the man asks you.

"No, I'm not being forced, I just have always wanted to be a lawyer. No one in my family owns a law firm, although I wish they did. That would make finding a job after I graduate a lot easier," you answer with a nervous laugh.

The two give you a strange look as though they had never met someone who willingly went to college to pursue a career simply because it was what they wanted.

"So you're, like, smart," the woman says in a patronizing tone. They turn to each other and actually laugh at you while you’re still standing next to them.

"Don't tell me you are putting yourself through school too. Let me guess, you're a waitress or something," the man says with a mean smile.

"I'm a bartender," you say quietly.

This answer sends them both over the edge with giggles. They move forward, effectively cutting you out of the group with their bodies. You realize that you have nothing in common with these people and turn to leave.

Tears sting the corners of your eyes, and you need to get away from the thumping beat of the DJ's speakers. You refuse to cry in front of these people. You walk down the runway to the gazebo that juts out into the ocean, so the waves crash against all sides, drowning out the music and laughter from the party. You brace yourself on the backrest of an iron bench, wiping away an escaping tear from your face. You know you don't belong here, and you can't stand staying another day. You pull your phone out of the clutch you're carrying and send a quick text to Aubrey and Lin.

You: I just got laughed at for wanting to become a lawyer. I need to get away from these people.

Aubrey: Do you want me to book you that flight?

You: Yes, I'm ready to come home.

Aubrey: Bad news. The flight tomorrow is booked.

You: When is the next flight out of here?

Aubrey: In two days.

You: Book it. I will just find a way to hide out for one more day.

Lin: You can get through this! I will be waiting at the airport to pick you up.

You: I can't thank you two enough. What would I do without you? I miss you both, and I can't wait to see you.

Aubrey: Your flight has been changed. We will see you in two days. Hang in there! We love you!

Lin: What Aubrey said. Just two more days!

You: Love you girls too!

A hand grips the top of yours on the bench and gives it a small squeeze.

"I have been trying to talk to you all day. Why have you been avoiding me?"

You look down and are disappointed that it's not Joel's tanned hand on top of yours. You rip your hand out from under Todd's and give him an icy glare. "What do you need?"

"I need to talk to you in private."

"This is private enough," you say, looking back at the party. You know someone would hear you if you screamed loud enough.

"Just come back to my room with me." Todd leans in close and whispers, "I miss you."

"You can talk to me here or not at all," you say and take a large step back and away from him.

"You look amazing, baby cakes. I have never seen you wear a dress like that. It looks good on you and would look even better off," he says with a sleazy smile.

"Do not call me that! Don't think about me like that! Does your fiance know where you are?" you hiss.

"Of course, she doesn't, and she doesn't have to."

"Does she know anything, Todd? Does she know about our past? Does she know that you dated me for years and how you were still dating me when you two met?" Your breaths are coming in ragged gasps now. You have never been so angry at Todd before. You can't stand the fact that he has not only thrown you over for someone else after you had wasted years of your life on him, but now he has the nerve to try and win you back at his engagement party.

"Of course, she knows," he says quickly while looking away.

"You are such a liar!" Your voice echoes against the pillars of the gazebo. Angry tears burn your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall.

"Are you sure I'm the liar and not Sarah? What if she just invited you here to make you watch her get engaged to your ex? It sounds like just the kind of game that she and her rich friends would find so entertaining. They have been laughing at you behind your back this entire trip."

"You've always been the liar, Todd. I wish I had seen that from the very beginning. You obviously don't know Sarah. There is no way she would be that cruel. I never mentioned you by name to her when we were dating because she never seemed to care about my personal life. And if they've been laughing at me this entire time, why didn't you tell me sooner? You're just lying to save yourself." You hope the words you say are true. Spending this much time with Sarah is a rare occurrence, and she seems different. However, you can't fathom that she would intentionally cause you pain.

"We have the chance to get back at her for humiliating you," Todd whispers.

"What are you talking about?" you ask, puzzled by the sudden change in topic.

"Take me back. She never has to know that we made up. Everything could go back to how it was."

"Back to how it was? Really, Todd? How do you think that would ever work? You expect me to be fine with the fact that you are marrying Sarah? Do you really think Sarah would be okay with her husband having a girlfriend on the side?" you ask, taken aback by his request.

"I would still marry Sarah, and we would have more money than we would even know what to do with. As soon as my dad makes me a partner, I will have to go on business trips all the time, and you could come with me. Sarah will never know that we are back together."

"You're ridiculous, Todd. It's all about the money, isn't it? You want everything that you can't have, and you are only marrying Sarah for her money."

"Well, she's not bad to look at either," Todd says as if you are the one being unreasonable.

"I can't believe I ever loved you. You are a terrible person. Just leave me alone, Todd," you say, turning away from him and crossing your arms. You are drained from your conversation and realize that there is no way to make him see how wrong he is being.

"Take me back, please," Todd says, reaching out and grabbing your arm.

"Don't touch me," you say, pulling away from him.

Someone clears their throat at the entrance of the gazebo. Todd drops his arm and takes a step back. "Todd, Sarah is looking for you. I think it would be best if you went and found her."

Todd doesn't respond and quickly leaves. You watch as he stops in front of Joel, waiting for him to move so that he can leave. Joel remains where he is standing, so Todd has to awkwardly squeeze past him. If you weren't so angry and trying to hold back the tears still hot in your eyes, you would have laughed.

You let out a frustrated sigh that turns into a small sob. Joel is by your side in seconds. "Are you okay?" Joel asks, putting a hand on each of your arms and rubbing them comfortingly.

"I'm fine," you lie, trying to hide the few tears that have fallen down your face.

"You're shaking. You are not okay. Come with me," Joel says, holding out his hand, and you take it.

"I don't want to go back to the party," you say.

"We don't have to go back to the party.”

"Then where are we going?" you ask, your voice cracking.

"To my room.”

Joel holds your hand as he leads you through a side door of the mansion, avoiding the large crowd of the engagement party. When the door closes behind you, the music and noise of the group become muffled. All you can hear is the low rumble of the bass as it vibrates through the walls.

Joel and you walk in silence, and he never lets go of your hand as he leads you back to his room. Joel's room is decorated in soft grays and silvers. The massive bed stands alone in the center of the room with a crystal chandelier hanging over the center.

Your feet are sore, so you slip your heels off and set them by the double door entrance of the room. Joel clicks the lock on the door, walks across the room, and sits down in an armchair on the other side of the room. You follow, your bare feet cold on the tile floors.

The room's soft coldness makes you feel like you're surrounded by a cloud, comfortable and warm but still in a storm. You nearly sink into the plush armchair that matches Joel's. You would love to be enveloped by the chair and not have the conversation you know is coming. Unfortunately, the truth will likely bring on a storm of its own.

"I need to know the truth."

"I know you do," you say. You let the silence fall between you, not knowing how to start. So you wait for Joel to ask a question first.

"You've known Todd for longer than just this week, haven't you?"

"I met him at NYU in one of my general classes," you admit.

"So you've known him for years?"

"Almost four years," you say barely above a whisper. "We dated for three."

You hear Joel take a deep breath at your confession.

"Why didn't you tell me or Sarah?"

"Honestly, I didn't know what to do. When I got here, I had no idea that Todd would be on board too. Sarah introduced me to him as her new boyfriend, and he acted as though we had never met before.The situation was so uncomfortable. I was still in shock and so hurt."

"So you just decided to say nothing instead?" his eyebrows cinch together. All you can manage is a nod as the tears blur the edges of your vision. "You said you were hurt seeing him again. How long ago was this break up?"

"He officially broke up with me the day before I walked to receive my Master's degree. We had been fighting for weeks before that, though, when I found out he had been cheating on me for months."

"Shit. With my daughter?"

"Yes…they met at my birthday party."

"Did she know?"

"I honestly don't think she knew. Or at least if she did, she didn't know I was the girlfriend."

"I'm so sorry. But how did you expect to spend an entire vacation keeping this all a secret?"

"By the time I came to my senses, the yacht had already departed. I figured I would avoid Todd, and at the end of this vacation, I would go back to my normal life. I would never see him again after I moved, and I honestly didn't think that Sarah and Todd would last. Sarah never dates anyone for longer than a few months. I never imagined that Sarah would get engaged to him."

"Why has he been following you around?" Joel says sternly.

"I don't know why he can't just let our relationship go…" you say.

You hear Joel sigh, and when he speaks again, his tone is softer. "What did he have to say to you tonight in the gazebo? You looked like he had you cornered."

"He was lying to me...." you attempt to avoid his question, not wanting to go into the awful details of your conversation with Todd.

"About what?" Joel asks, he was clearly going to keep pressing until you told him everything.

"He told me Sarah knew and that she invited me on purpose as some kind of joke for her and all her rich friends."

"I know my daughter can be thoughtless at times, but I don't believe she would purposely be so cruel," he says, rubbing his hands on his face.

"I don't believe him," you assure Joel, seeing the worried look on his face.

"Why would he outright lie like that?"

It takes you a few minutes to respond, trying to find the best way to word your answer. You sigh and look down at your feet. "He was trying to convince me to sleep with him again… to get back at Sarah."

Anger heats Joel's gaze as his eyes bore into yours. "Do you want him again?"

"What are you talking about? No! Of course, not. I don't want him in any way ever again. He completely betrayed me," you say, completely shocked by his question. You'd figured his anger would be towards Todd, not you. Joel's eyes remain dark, and he doesn't respond. Instead, he gets up from his chair and starts pacing the room. "Aren't you worried that this is the man that your daughter has picked to marry?" you ask, exasperated that he is questioning you about wanting to sleep with your ex. As if you are so weak that you can't possibly say no to a man who has utterly betrayed your trust.

"If I go and tell Sarah what's going on and try to convince her to end the engagement, then he would be free to come back to you. Is that what you want?" Joel asks through clenched teeth.

Joel's words sting.

"Why are you twisting everything I say?"

"How can I trust anything you say after you've lied to everyone this entire time?"

The tears truly start falling then. You quickly stand from your chair and make your way to the door. Before you even reach your shoes next to the door, Joel grabs your wrist, making you pause.

"Stop. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," he says softly as he runs his thumb in circles on your wrist. Normally, that would have made your heart flutter, but at that moment, the only thing you want is to be alone on a flight headed for home.

"I don't need this from you." You use the back of your free hand to wipe the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"I just hate imagining you with him," he says quietly.

You let the unsaid meaning of his words float between you. Neither of you acknowledges the implications of his words.

"I just have to know. Do you love him?"

"Will you believe what I tell you?" you ask, finally turning around to look at him again.

He lets your wrist fall from his fingers. "Yes. I promise," he says with a note of fear in his eyes. Is he truly afraid that you are still in love with a man who treated you so poorly? He reaches up to your face and wipes away another stray tear.

"No. I do not love him," you say pointedly, your voice steady.

"Did you love him?" Joel asked softly.

"I was with him for three years, Joel," you say with a sigh

"That's not what I asked. Did you love him?" he asks again, more forcefully.

"I did love him, but after everything that's happened, how could I still love him? I was wrong about so many things in our relationship," you respond.

"What if you change your mind?" Joel resumes pacing the room.

"I won't. I don't take betrayal lightly," you say firmly.

"I just wish you would have said something from the very beginning."

Anger surges through you. Anger because Joel doesn't seem to understand that everything between you and Todd is over. You don't want anything to do with Todd because the only person you want is Joel. You only want Joel. "You don't get it though, do you?" you say, stepping up to him, blocking his path.

"What am I not getting? Tell me why you lied to me for so long. I would have understood."

"Would you really have understood? Don't you get it? If I had told the truth from the very beginning, I would have been on the first flight home. I would have left as soon as we made the first port," you say, raising your voice.

Joel stares at you, still not understanding. You take another step closer to him, so close that your bodies almost touch. You take a deep breath to calm yourself down before continuing.

"If I had told the truth, I would have never gotten to know you!"

Joel looks at you intensely. He knows you're right.

"I wanted to tell you first thing, but I was just scared. I don't fit in here, remember? The last thing I needed was to make Sarah mad. And who even knows if Todd would've owned up to it? He could've pretended I was lying to cover for himself," you explain, turning away from him.

He gently grabs your arm, making you face him. He looks down at your hand and then interlaces his fingers with yours.

"So, you're glad we've gotten to know each other then?" he asks with a sly smile.

You can't help but smile back. "Of course, I am. Isn't it obvious? I spend most of my time with you."

He nods. "That's true." He lets go of your hand, but your fingertips still touch.

"Todd wanted you to have sex with him to make Sarah mad? He seems to be pretty hung up on you,” Joel says, looking at you.

You raise your eyebrows slightly at that. "Are you trying to ask me about our sex life?"

Joel looks at you. "Honestly, I'm just jealous he knows what sex with you is like."

Your cheeks grow warm, and your heartbeat quickens.

"Why would you be jealous of that? I'm sure you've been with plenty of women," you say.

"Yes, I've been with women, but none as beautiful as you–inside and out," Joel replies, looking into your eyes.

You stare at each other, your fingertips brushing against each other. He moves closer to you and lifts your chin up. You gaze up at him, and he brushes a strand of hair out of your face with a smile and then ever so slowly, he leans down and kisses you.

Taglist:

@lizzie-cakes @ashhlsstuff @puduvallee

#joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller x f!reader #tlou fanfiction

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houserautha · 1 day

Note

Feyd keeping his wife company when she gives birth.

What if the baby is breech?

I’m trying to imagine Feyd holding a tiny infant for the first time lmao 🤣

And they work together to stop the Baron from taking the child away.

“The baby is breech.”

The physician, who had been taking great lengths not to interact with the na-Baron, regards him with poorly disguised terror.

Feyd, who has been standing at your side, snarls at him, “What does that mean?”

“It means the baby isn’t head first,” you tell him. Exhaustion wears at you. And now panic worms its way through your mind.

“Then fix it,” Feyd snaps.

“I-I can try. But it’s going to cause some discomfort.” The physician looks as if he would sooner rather swallow his own tongue.

Feyd glares. The physician takes this as an invitation to start, and you clamp down on Feyd’s hand. Applying firm pressure, the physician starts to coax the baby to turn external. You inhale sharply — the sensation is strange, painful, and you do your best to mask your discomfort for the sake of the physician but Feyd knows you too well.

“That’s not helping. There must be another way,” he rasps. Something akin to fear tinges his voice.

The physician wrings his hands. “The only other option is a cesarean delivery.”

“You’re not harming her,” Feyd says.

You squeeze his hand. “It’s the only way. Otherwise there might be complications that could kill us both.” A contraction seizes you then and you cry out. Feyd mumbles praise to you as you endure it, then turns sharply to the physician as if he did this to you, not himself.

“Fine. You’ve done this before?”

The physician nods and offers a smile. “Many times, na-Baron.”

Feyd has seen many things in his life, has been the catalyst that puts more men and women in their graves than he could count. Most of their deaths had ended in a bloody mess.

But never before did he think that life could be born from such gruesome measures.

The physician is quick to suck up the blood from the incision on your abdomen, giving Feyd just enough time to watch his daughter be pulled from you, bloodied and purple. His breath catches. He’s given the chance to sever the umbilical cord, to see the organ that you had grown only to feed his child. Awe spirals through him during the whole process, carrying him through the next moments of stroking your hair and murmuring his adoration as the physician closes the incision.

One second he is by your side, the next, a nurse is handing him a swaddled white blanket.

Feyd blinks stupidly at the nurse. In his disbelief of your body and admiration of your strength, he had completely forgotten about his daughter.

“No, I —”

The nurse beams at him. “She is beautiful.”

Feyd is given no choice but to take his daughter in his arms, the nurse instructing him where to cradle her head. “My husband was nervous about our first, too,” the nurse says fondly.

“I’m not,” he snaps.

You can’t help but smirk as you observe the interaction. It amuses you, to see him like this. Normally fiercely confident and self assured, reduced now to a bumbling fool when handed a tiny newborn. His posture is stiff, expression uncertain as he meets your eyes, and the tiniest of smiles graces his lips.

The next few days pass in a blur of bliss and sleepless nights. You have just settled your daughter down and risked a quick wobble to the bathroom when you hear raised voices in the other room. Figuring it’s Feyd — probably arguing with some servant — you quickly relieve yourself. You were right, it is Feyd, but not a servant that he’s vehemently arguing with.

It’s the Baron.

Your molars grind together at the sight of him. Feyd stands between his uncle and your daughter, who slumbers on, unaware. His hands are fists at his sides.

“Absolutely not,” Feyd growls.

“I did not come here to give you a choice,” the Baron retorts. “You knew since the beginning that your child did not belong to you.”

Red flares in your vision. “If it was a son. We had a daughter,” you remind him, gesturing to the cot.

The Baron regards you with disinterest. You were never more to him than a vessel in which to host Feyd’s seed. “While unforeseen, the Bene Gesserits insist upon raising the child. Truly you did not believe it would stay here.”

It.

“She will go nowhere with you,” Feyd says.

“Very well.” The Baron glides towards the door on his suspenders. “Then the Reverend Mother will be here in a day’s time to collect the child.”

It’s not an easy decision — but you make it in the quiet of the night, blanketed by fear and grief. The nurse from before agrees to steal away your child and pass it off as her own, at least long enough for the conflict with the Bene Gesserits to pass. Tears stream down your face as you watch the nurse’s retreating form. Feyd stands silently beside you, stoic and emotionless. Finally he presses a breathy kiss to your temple.

“It’s better this way,” he whispers to you.

You lay eyes on your daughter again when she is two years of age, face round and eyes curious as she regards the two strangers in her doorway — the tall, broad man with the severe mouth and the woman next to him.

Your smile wavers. “Hello.”

#feyd rautha #fanfic writing #feyd rautha harkonnen #fanfic

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all4aoki · 14 hours

Text

⊹ 𝓢END 𝓐 𝓢IGNAL ⠀Ꮺ ָ࣪ ۰ ִ

you hated change, but maybe it was necessary for your happiness . . . enha x f!reader (pjs focused), poly!enha, enha8thmember

wc . . . 13.1k , warnings! my poor attempts of writing angst, cheating / talks of cheating, mentions of kidnapping & death, rushed writing, me guessing stuff about being an idol, not proofread

previous episode ᨳ next episode

Besides, resolving tensions was Jungwon’s job.

“I think you’ve developed a staring habit,” Sunoo said from beside you on the couch. You blinked away from the video game the eldest four of the group were playing on the TV.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What’d you mean?”

“What do you mean, ‘What do you mean’?” He continued eating the ice cream that had somehow found its way into your fridge one day. “I swear every time I look at you now you’re spacing out.”

Well, to be fair, you were trying to put the pieces of some kind of puzzle together. “I was just thinking–” you hesitated, but quickly concluded that if anyone would shut down your worries speedily, it would be Sunoo. You lowered your voice to a whisper, “Do you think Hoon and Jay-oppa are mad at each other?”

The two boys in question were sitting on the floor, a large amount of distance and Heeseung between them.

Sunoo didn’t say anything.

“Mmm… you know something, don’t you?” you giggled as he shrugged and took another bite from his dessert. “Tell meee,” you whined, throwing yourself onto Sunoo’s lap only for him to (somewhat) gently push you off and onto the floor.

The thud of your landing made seven other heads snap in your direction.

“Sunoo-ah did you just push my girlfriend off the couch?” Sunghoon asked, getting up quickly and taking the short five steps to your spot on the floor. You sat up easily and rubbed the back of your head to make sure nothing hurt.

The rest of your members were unsurprised when Sunghoon and you announced your relationship. Maybe you two hadn’t done the best job of hiding it, but you still thought that with the debut, they wouldn’t have noticed anything. Turns out the way Sunghoon looked at you, as if you hung the moon and stars, and how you had barely let him out of your grasp were clear indicators of your relationship. So after a few weeks of being together, and when you were sure you were never getting away from the honeymoon phase, the two of you had sat the rest of the members down only to be met with: “Oh we already knew.”

Sunghoon kneeled down next to you, one of his hands coming up to meet yours on the back of your head and the other wrapping around your waist. His fingers rubbed against the silky strands of your hair as he felt for any kind of forming bump.

“He didn’t push me that hard,” you reassured. “I’m fine. Promise.”

You tried to disregard the concerned looks and Heeseung’s request for he himself to look at your head. In an attempt to distract yourself, you took Sunghoon’s hand from the back of your hand and tenderly placed a kiss on his palm, then on the corner of his mouth after shifting onto your knees.

“M’ not a baby,” you said, ruffling his hair before sliding over to the base of the couch. Your feet crossed under you as you settled between Jay and Sunoo, who was still unphased on the sofa.

Riki scoffed from his spot on the furniture, in the far right corner, “Get a room!”

Sunghoon responded with a roll of his eyes.

He followed you to your new position on the floor, pushing at your legs so he could lay on his back between them. You complied, dropping them straight and letting him rest his head back on your stomach. Sunghoon at some point had gotten his controller back as well, and for a few minutes, there was silence apart from the shooting and violence of the video game.

The game was quick to become boring and you reached behind you, hand blindly searching for your phone. Thankfully, Sunoo placed the device right in your grip before you would’ve had to ask Sunghoon to sit up for you to look.

“Thanks, Sun,” you whispered to him and he smiled softly at you. When you turned your eyes away from him, glancing to your right, there was Jay. His jaw was set in a form that looked too tense to be comfortable and his knuckles white from holding onto the controller with a hand that was probably too tight.

Yeah, something was definitely wrong.

You felt something shift against your stomach and you looked down to realize that Sunghoon had been looking up at you. He had been watching you study one of his best friends who was sitting a little too close to you for him to not feel a bit antsy. A small grumble left him with a choice of words you couldn’t comprehend and then Sunghoon was forcing one of your hands into his luxurious-feeling locks. Out of instinct, you ran your fingernails along his scalp in an attempt to calm him down.

You had kept your interference between the male members and their conflicts to a minimum, in firm belief that they were mature enough to sort out their differences, but there was a part of you that kept tempting you to do something this time.

Rarely did they need help, and you figured that they wouldn’t ask for it unless it was absolutely necessary. In fact, they honestly might not ask for help at all, pride and ego being traits that were still overwhelmingly strong in their personalities. And while you didn’t want them to be angry at you for trying to extend an assisting hand, you didn’t want the people you loved fighting each other either. So, maybe you didn’t have to do anything. Asking wouldn’t hurt. That way, you would at least be aware of whatever was going on between the two boys. Then you would be able to decide what to do.

Nodding a bit to yourself, you twisted your head to be directed towards the elder male on your right. “After this round can you help me make some food?”

Jay’s eyes snapped over to you, and you were surprised at the sharpness they held. Was he angry at you too? Your confidence in your plan faltered at his reaction to your request. Subconsciously, you shrunk away from him, your eyes suddenly unable to meet his for more than a few seconds.

“Sorry, I was just hungry.”

Jay blinked slowly and tilted his head to the side as he went back to the game, “Of course, we can make something. Don’t apologize if you’re hungry.” Somehow that made you feel worse.

Sunghoon moved against your belly again, “Let me make something for you.” Normally, you would’ve gladly accepted the offer, but you felt as if you needed to talk to Jay. It was weird, you’d never played the mediator before. Usually, you would stand off to the side and watch everything unfold, only interjecting when necessary, but maybe it was time that you began trying to help your loved ones in more ways than one.

You smiled down at Sunghoon, his head pressing into the soft skin of your stomach as he craned his head back at you. “Thank you, Hoon, but I want an edible meal.”

“Yah, I can cook!” he pouted and you cooed at the cute expression. Your thumbs ran over the smooth expanse of his cheeks and he leaned into your touch.

Prickles of heat on the right side of your body began to rise and at the feeling, you glanced over your shoulder to find Jay staring at the two of you.

“Jay-oppa can make me something, Hoon.”

“Yeah, Hoon, let Jay-oppa make YN-ie something.” You didn’t like how he emphasized the two boys’ names. Especially with the way Sunghoon sharply tilted his head towards his elder. If you could’ve seen his eyes, you figured they would be burning with some kind of anger considering the way his muscles tensed.

For a moment, the only sounds that met your ears were the quiet conversation the other members were having, the TV in the background, and the video Sunoo was watching as he undoubtedly eavesdropped on the three of you.

“Mmm, okay,” Sunghoon sighed as he turned away from Jay, facing the television and placing his elbows on the outside of your legs. Harshly, he pulled your limbs closer to his sides with his arms and you almost yelped at the way your legs slid on the ground.

His thumbs rattled the buttons and joysticks with an alarming speed, “As long as I get to feed you when he’s done cooking, princess.”

Your face scrunched up in confusion and maybe a hint of disgust at his words. Feed you? What was he saying? Sunghoon was well aware of your love for your independence, and while you’d slowly been allowing him to take care of you in ways that you previously hadn’t wanted, he should’ve known that you could do basic human functions.

“What’re you…” you softly muttered to yourself, but ultimately gave up on your point. You cleared your throat quickly, shifting your attention back to Jay. “Do we still have stuff for bibimbap?”

“I don’t want bibimbap!” Jake cried from the other side of the room.

You laughed, “Then you don’t have to have any!”

“Yeah, I’m just making food for YN-ie and me to eat,” Jay added.

“And me,” Sunghoon said. You mentally cursed him. Of course, you loved the boy more than anything else in the world, but there shouldn’t have been a reason as to why he wasn’t letting you spend one-on-one time with another member. Especially not Jay.

The elder had been there for you as soon as Part 2 of I-Land began, almost acting as some sort of caregiver. Brother definitely wasn’t the right word, he was always too nice and a tad bit too nervous to engage in any sort of sibling-like banter. Friend for sure. He was always the one checking up on you after those first weeks, making sure you were tending to your needs and doing it for you if you admitted you hadn’t.

If Sunghoon should’ve had the most trust in any of the members for your well-being, it should’ve been Jay. But now he was engaging himself in every instance of alone time you had with Jay.

Your fingers stroked his face again, relishing in the warmth that radiated from his body, “Didn’t you just eat?”

He chuckled, “I’m always hungry.”

“Don’t they need you here to play the game?”

“I’m sure they’ll manage.” So he wasn’t going to relent this time. “It’s starting to sound like you don’t want to spend time with me!” Sunghoon teased playfully. You did your best to act like he hadn’t caught your plan of action to solve this cold war-esque fight.

Suddenly, your face felt warm. “Hoon, that’s not true. I don’t want you to overeat–”

“Wow,” Sunoo said from above you.

You glared at him from over your shoulder, “Hush.” The boy simply shrugged. “You know what, I actually can’t wait.” As gently and lovingly as you could manage, you lifted Sunghoon’s upper body off of you and laid him back on the ground as you stood up.

You offered a hand to Jay.

His dark eyes flickered between your outstretched palm and your boyfriend that was spread out on the tile, Sunghoon’s own eyes studying you as if you were some sort of goddess. It looked like he was thinking about something, but before you could try to deduce what, Jay’s rough palm slid into your hand as he got up.

Even when you tried to tug away, his fingers held your smaller ones tight.

“I was asking for your controller,” you muttered, taking the item from his other hand and tossing it to Sunoo. “Here, Sun, you play.”

Sunoo whined a bit, but made room in his hands for the device, balancing what little remained of his ice cream against the object. Sunghoon nudged your ankle with his hand and you instantly found him.

A soft smile was swift to grace your lips and his small grin matched yours.

“I love you,” you said and Jay moved behind you, pulling you towards the kitchen. A chorus of “I love you too” followed, Sunghoon yelling how your words were meant for him being the last thing you heard before you were left in mediocre silence with the older male in the kitchen.

For a while, nothing was said. Your throat felt clogged every time you thought you were finally going to say something. It was almost embarrassing how you couldn’t find the comfort that was usually there when you spoke to Jay. It had been routine for everything to be so easy between the two of you and you weren’t sure when that’d changed.

Silently, you slid into one of the chairs at the island that Jay was now using to prep your requested dish.

“Do you want to help?” he asked, beginning to prepare the rice. You shrugged and pulled the cutting board that he’d gotten out to your side of the island.

“If you need it so bad, sure.” He glanced at you from over his shoulder. Snarkily, you smiled at him. And as he got the package of shredded carrots out of the fridge, you began cutting up the cucumber.

Jay furrowed his eyebrows and leaned on the counter, “I’m not sure if I like that cutting technique you’re using.”

“I thought you wanted me to help,” you said, popping one of the slices into your mouth and chewing.

Jay slipped the cutting board away from you as quickly as you had taken it, “Sorry Kendall Jenner, but I don’t want you losing a finger.” You pouted at his words, face scrunching up as he voiced his playful doubt.

“Hey…” you whined as he gently took hold of the wrist of the hand that was holding the knife, taking the tool from you. “I’m never gonna get better at cooking if you don’t let me try!”

He chuckled at your reaction, chopping up the rest of the vegetable and handing you a few pieces as he did so. You ate them, but not without frowning at him as he gave you each one.

“Don’t need you hurting yourself though,” he explained. “And when I teach you to cook we would be making a nice meal. Something they would serve at an expensive restaurant.”

The thought of him instructing you, getting closer than he normally would, whispering to you as you both shared laughter made your face flush. The alarming sensation of butterflies in your gut suddenly rushed over you. It was a feeling that you only got with Sunghoon. A feeling that you were only supposed to get with Sunghoon. You brushed it off. You were thinking about Sunghoon, that was probably why you suddenly felt that good kind of nervousness. The one that was one of the many reasons that made you understand why being in love was so wonderful. Something that made life so enjoyable.

You did your best to smile, pushing down whatever had found its way into your gut.

“I don’t think I have the patience to work on something for that long.”

“Well, you do it every day. As your job, so the least you could do is spend some time with me.” One more cucumber. You took it halfheartedly.

“Yeah… I’m sorry I haven’t been hanging out with you guys as often as I used to but I’ve been trying to–”

“Be with Sunghoon,” Jay finished for you. As a response, you nodded. The timer for the rice went off, and Jay slowly spun around to get the food. The smell of comfort filled the space, and you sunk a bit into the hardness of your seat. “I just can’t believe that he thinks it’s okay for you to be with him 24/7 because you’re…”

He couldn’t even finish his sentence.

“Dating?”

“Yeah,” Jay agreed right away. You watched as he retrieved two bowls from one of the cupboards and began assembling the bibimbap for the two of you. After those words, it was easy to piece together that he was angry at Sunghoon because you’d been spending all of your free time with him. And honestly, that made you angry.

Of course you were going to spend time with your boyfriend. While you still wanted to keep your friendships with the rest of the members strong, you were going to prioritize the boy you were in love with because, well, you were in love with him.

You cleared your throat awkwardly, “Is that why you’ve been so passive-aggressive with him lately?” Jay said nothing as he moved to the end of the table to retrieve two pairs of chopsticks.

“Don’t worry about whatever small fight we’re having,” Jay said, giving you a close-lipped smile as he handed you the bowl of food that you’d been supposedly craving. “We’ll get past it soon. We’re just like brothers… and it’s a small misunderstanding.”

Gently, you blew on the food before you brought a mouthful to your lips, humming as you chewed. He was probably right. The boys had had small arguments and miscommunications before, and it never took them extremely long before they made up. They loved each other too much to fight for that long. And they probably already had separation anxiety from each other, like you did. You always felt guilty whenever you were mad at one of the other members. At first, anger would drive your actions and thoughts, but the culpability would never be far behind, and you were never able to hold a grudge or stay in a fight for more than two or three days.

Maybe you forgave people too easily, or maybe you just had the blessing of empathy.

“Well,” you started, stirring your food around with the metal chopsticks. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” Jay grinned at you, his mouth full of the hot bibimbap.

“Just don’t forget about the rest of us, okay?” He reached over and instinctively, you leaned back, dodging his touch. “Relax, you have sauce on your mouth,” he laughed and you tried to do the same as he wiped the corner of your lips with his thumb. Something in your chest sped up.

Your shocked expression must’ve been extremely amusing to the older male because as he slipped the thumb with the gochujang sauce into his mouth, he couldn’t help but laugh again.

You shouldn’t have listened to Jay.

While he almost always knew what he was talking about, somehow having just a bit more wisdom than the rest of you and not hesitating to use it, apparently, he had no idea that this whole scenario was worse for Sunghoon. You had left the subject of his growing tensions with Jay to rest, figuring that you were doing the right thing by letting them fix things on their own. Especially after your interaction with Jay in the kitchen.

You had slowly begun returning to your old ways of spreading your time out equally with all of the members. Eating breakfast with all of them instead of hole-ing yourself up in your room with Sunghoon and going out with the members one-on-one. Not to say you were ignoring them in the first place, you still had been with them for the majority of your days, but having the opportunity to connect with them on a personal level again was making a part of you feel whole again. It was weird to think about. Your heart was already so full and content when you were with Sunghoon, and you knew that being with him was more than enough for your happiness. But that happiness increased tenfold with the rediscovered relationships of you and your other members.

You hadn’t even noticed that you’d somewhat been isolating yourself with Sunghoon.

But apparently, this sudden change in your everyday routine was enough to send him over the edge.

The two of you had yet to sleep in separate beds since you got together, and it had become a nightly ritual for the two of you to get ready for bed together. It was an intimate way to end the day and being with him calmed all of the worries and stresses that you’d dealt with for all of the hours that you’d been awake. Laughing with him was so easy and it was adorable the way he’d sit on the closed toilet while waiting for you to finish your skincare.

And as you both entered the bathroom, you found yourself repeating that same phrase that had become your mantra for the past week: something was wrong.

He was quiet as you slipped on your headband and he stayed that way as you brushed your teeth, waiting for you to spit in the sink so he would have the space to do so as well. You studied him as you stood straight, left hand holding your hair back so you wouldn’t get any toothpaste in it. Sunghoon’s face was devoid of any emotion. Blank. But his eyes held a kind of annoyance that you’d rarely noticed before.

His movements were sharp with agitation as he turned the water on to wash the brushes, and you didn’t miss how he bit the inside of his cheek. You gaped for words. The last thing you wanted to do was make him even angrier, and considering you had yet to see Sunghoon this angry without him even saying anything, you weren’t quite sure how to comfort him. You weren’t that great at comforting people in the first place. Once again, you never really knew what to say, but that was what worked so well with you and Sunghoon. He never knew what to say either. You would hold each other and only share words to explain after your severe emotions had passed like the worst of a storm.

This didn’t feel like that. It was almost as if he was waiting for you to say something, to provoke him. He’d been bottling up his frustration with the rest of your members for so long that he was ready to explode. And at that moment, you knew he wanted to explode at you.

“What’s wrong?” you finally asked, voice meek. No eye contact was made as Sunghoon sighed deeply, not even bothering to lift his head in your direction.

“Nothing.”

You wanted to groan, to roll your eyes at his stubbornness, but you reminded yourself to have patience or nothing good would come from this conversation. “That’s not true, Hoon… I love you and if something’s bothering you–”

“Do you?” You looked at the back of his head, face scrunching a bit in confusion. Before you could say anything he continued, “Still love me?”

“What?!” you half laughed, which you immediately regretted. “What is this nonsense? Why would I not love you, Hoon.”

His hands on the sink shook a bit and he closed his fingers around the edge to stop the jittering. “Why have you been– have been avoiding me all week?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” you instantly denied. “We’ve been doing everything we normally do–”

“No–” he cut himself off, clearing something in his throat and for a split second it almost sounded like he was choking down a sob. “We haven’t had a meal with just each other once. I don’t think we’ve had a conversation for this long since Sunday and do you remember that coffee date we were supposed to go on yesterday?”

Your heart dropped and the tears came almost instantaneously.

How could you have forgotten that?

“That’s what I thought,” Sunghoon laughed, sounding watery as he finally pushed himself away from the sink to face you. Your stomach was made of wet sand and you couldn’t bear to look at him. “And you skipped it–” he was blinking harshly now, one of his index fingers pointing at you. “To watch a movie with Jay.”

You were crying now, tears making little streams down your face and you reached for your boyfriend. He pushed your hands away quickly.

“Hoon at least let me apologize!”

“No! You don’t even deserve to be the one crying right now!” He was shouting now and the loud sounds made you shrink back from him. He didn’t even acknowledge it. “I’m the one that deserves to be upset! The guy that has a crush on my girlfriend convinced her that she was neglecting everyone else when she was just neglecting me!”

You shouldn’t have listened to Jay. He had lied to you.

“Sunghoon I didn’t know, please–” You tried to take hold of his face again but he caught your hands, refusing your touch again. “Jay doesn’t like me! And even if he did, I love you. Not him–”

“It doesn’t matter!” Your wrists shook with his movements. “It’s too late. I was stupid to think that I would get to have you to myself when you act like that all the time.”

“Act like what?” you spat at him. Your faces were inches apart now and you could see that a few trails of water had slipped from Sunghoon’s own beautiful eyes too. The urge to wipe them away and kiss his face almost overpowered your growing exasperation.

“Like you’re their girlfriend too! Like you would choose them over me!–”

“Sunghoon stop it!”

You tugged your hands away from him, fed up with how he wasn’t actually listening to what you had to say. An uncomfortable silence found its way into the bathroom like a ghost. Only then did you realize how quiet the rest of the dorm was too. Which meant that everyone had probably heard you and Sunghoon fighting. Great.

He huffed, irritation clear even in the small action.

“Have some respect.”

His shoulder hit yours as he pushed past you to the bathroom exit, swinging the door open without a second glance back. You could only listen as his footsteps made their way down the hallway and a door slammed loudly after they’d slowed to a stop.

You needed to get out.

In a much quieter fashion than Sunghoon, you slipped out of the bathroom and made a beeline for the exit. And to your confirmation, Heeseung, Jay, and Jake were sitting in the living room, not muttering a single word as you stormed past the room to the door. You didn’t even feel their eyes on you as you tossed on a random pair of slippers and tugged on a coat that probably wasn’t even yours.

“YN-ah, wait!–” one of them finally called, although you weren’t sure which one it was since you were outside in the cold before they could say anything else.

Something inside of you must’ve disconnected as you walked down the driveway and along the street, not sure where you were going, but it felt so good to be by yourself for once that you didn’t really care. But as you left the neighborhood and entered the portion of Seoul that was maybe a few miles away from the dorm, you were back to thinking.

And the question that stood out among the rest was: why was your best never enough? Why didn’t people understand that you were trying?

Then the sobbing started. Your hands gingerly found their way to your elbows as you hugged yourself to try and find some comfort in the cold weather. Part of your brain tried to alert you that you were an idol out in public with no bodyguards, crying and out after 9 p.m. on a Saturday, but your heart and eyes didn’t listen. Your steps had decreased in speed and you were now shuffling along the sidewalk.

Exhaustion wasn’t far behind you. The strength of which you’d been pouring your feelings out had taken a toll on you, and as you hiccuped for the final time, a headache settled in. And after that, reality followed.

Everyone was probably worried about where you had run off to. Considering you didn’t have a phone, they had no way of reaching you until you decided you wanted to go back to the dorm. Which, honestly, you didn’t have a problem with. While being comforted was always welcome and a majority of the time necessary to truly calm you down, you realized that this moment to yourself was another thing that’d been missing from your life for weeks. Your brain finally had a moment of silence for itself, and as the late January wind blew across your maskless face, the coolness was refreshing.

Alone time had always been important for you. For your social battery to recover, for you to feel like yourself, and for you to not lose your wits. But in this lifestyle you’d chosen, it was rare for you to be left by yourself. Your members often understood that you needed a second to breathe to function properly, but for the past week, you’d been so busy trying to give your attention back to them that you’d been ignoring your own needs.

If only you’d recognized that, maybe you wouldn’t have forgotten about your date with Sunghoon. Or you could’ve realized how everyone else was feeling.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a metal bench, devoid of any people. Your feet were tired as you brought yourself over to the seat and plopped down, muscles relaxing instantly at the chance for rest. The fresh air was doing wonders for you too. Focus was seeping back into your head and with each inhale and exhale, your headache began to dissipate. Gently, you closed your eyes, not even bothering to worry about if anyone saw you. A freshly debuted idol who already had a decent amount of fame, with dried tears on her cheeks sitting in the middle of a random strip of stores.

Naturally, after you’d taken yet another moment to cool off and regather your emotions, the first thing you thought about was Sunghoon.

Making up with him was the first thing you needed to do when you got back. Apologize for the mistake you’d made and hope that he would forgive you before you both went to bed angry at each other, which was something your mother had warned you to never do in a relationship. You knew that he was an understanding person who was truly sensitive deep down. Especially when it came to people he loved. Sunghoon’s first impulse was to protect. And that applied to both those he cared about and himself.

His lashing out at you was just one of his ingrained reactions to defend himself from hurt. And you hated that you had made him feel that way. You’d hurt him.

You also knew that you both were very mature people. After all, you had to be considering the industry you were in. Talking to him was often all he asked for. He didn’t need gifts or ornate gestures as an apology, just a way to speak about things so you both could understand what had happened and how to properly deal with it in the future.

This pondering had strangely made you feel a bit better. A small lightness in your chest made you feel hopeful that this would all be nothing but a story to laugh at within the next few days. Or probably weeks. This first fight was something you needed to be careful with until both you and Sunghoon had wholly moved on from it.

You had no idea how long you’d been gone, but you didn’t want to head back anytime soon. Nervousness or anxiety about seeing your boyfriend again wasn’t what kept you perched on the chilly iron of the bench. Rather, the opportunity for you to reconnect with yourself and be at peace–

“YN!”

That would’ve never lasted that long considering how you might as well have just run away.

“YN,” Jay repeated as the sound of his voice got closer. He sounded out of breath. Slowly, you opened your eyes back up.

Puffs of air left his mouth in clouds of steam, thanks to the below-freezing weather, and he had to take a moment to presumably calm his racing heart before he was in your personal space. His arms gripped you tightly, fingers digging into the skin of your waist as he buried his face in your neck. The angle was awkward, considering how he was bent over strangely to embrace your sitting figure, but he ignored the slight stiffness that came with it to hold you. To relieve himself that you were there and you were okay.

The best you could do with your arms pinned to your sides was clumsily pat his right hip.

When he pulled away, hands shifting to grip your biceps almost painfully, the worry in his deep brown eyes had become something more displeased. You were already predicting what scolding would leave him.

“What were you thinking?!” You simply blinked at him, vision flicking around his face, taking in his pink cheeks and slightly runny nose and irises filled with intenseness. Your lack of response only spurred him on further, “Leaving without saying where you were going, without any of us for protection, without saying if you’re okay–”

“I’m fine.”

“God, you have everyone worried sick! Jungwon-ie had to call Sejin-hyung and now, everyone’s out looking for you… You have to be more careful, you could’ve gotten mobbed or– or kidnapped or even killed!–”

“You sound like my father,” you pouted. He huffed out what must’ve been a fake laugh as he turned his head to the side for a split second before taking the spot next to you on the bench. “And I don’t think anyone is trying to kill me.”

Jay looked back at your face, “I want to kill you right now.” He pulled you into his side, tugging your head to the space between his neck and shoulder. “Don’t do that again or we’re gonna have to lock you up or something.”

His bad joke drew a small giggle out of you. You felt his tautness lessen at the sensation.

“I’m serious, YN,” he said and his tone reflected his words almost a little too perfectly. “We heard you fight with Sunghoon and you were clearly upset–”

“I’m fine,” you repeated, fighting against his hold as you tilted your head back to look at his face. “I just couldn’t stay in that house.”

He frowned. “You could’ve talked to us though,” he said, and the hurt he spoke with made your heart clench for the millionth time that night with contrition. “You can trust us with anything. The last thing I want you to do is feel uncomfortable around me.”

You decided to ignore the change of subjects.

“I don’t want to sound selfish, but I really couldn’t.” You sighed, weight releasing from your shoulders as you cuddled back into Jay’s side. His chin rested on your hair. “Not when you guys were what we fought about.”

A beat of silence. You were really getting tired of that.

“Sunghoon-ie’s a wreck,” Jay finally said.

You didn’t know what to say, “I am too.” At some point, your breathing pace had synced with his and you enjoyed the sensation of being so connected to someone. “I hate fighting with him more than anything, it's just– I don’t know, it just feels so wrong… Does that make sense?”

Jay nodded against the top of your head.

“I know the feeling.”

You hesitated before continuing, “Hoon said something…” You trailed off and Jay repositioned himself again, leaning the two of you further back on the bench. “Never mind.”

“What?” he pushed.

“He said something about you liking me.” And with that, the pressure of agitation grew in the body against you once more. Cautiously, you drew yourself away from Jay. He didn’t fight you.

Jay’s face was stoic and you struggled to read whatever emotion he was experiencing. “When I told you you didn’t have anything to worry about, I meant it,” he said plainly. Your nose wrinkled and your eyebrows drew together.

“What?–” But Jay was pulling out his phone, dialing what you assumed to be your manager and therefore, a car to take you both back to the dorm. You didn’t stop him, tired of the night you’d had and the wide range of emotions you’d been put through.

In mere seconds a black SUV pulled up in the street beside you. Jay got up first, offering you a hand and you took it, him helping you off the seat and over to the vehicle. He opened the door for you, and you muttered a small “Thanks” as you clambered inside.

The cushioned seat was welcome after sitting on the hard material of the bench for so long, but the way that no one said anything in the short ride back to the house wasn’t. That alone time and silence that you’d longed for earlier was now making you twitch with discomfort. Where was the Jay that joked with you? The one that made you feel so much like yourself? In the pale moonlight that shined in through the car windows, he looked princely despite the dark circles under his eyes and ruffled hair. He didn’t move his eyes from watching the scenery pass by outside and you concluded that he was in deep thought about something.

As the car pulled into the driveway, your manager in the front seat gave you one final warning about leaving the house unsupervised and left the conversation with a good night. You said nothing. Opening the car door with more strength than you probably should’ve you hoped out and slammed it behind you, not waiting for Jay as you stomped up to the front door. You weren’t sure when your anger had returned, but you took it out on the keypad of the dorm, Jay coming to watch you mess up the code twice due to your annoyance which only shortened your self-restraint. After the second time, he reached around you to enter the four numbers and opened the entry for you.

Six other bodies rushed to you when you walked past the threshold and your hands shot up to try and block your body from the impending embrace. The last thing you wanted at that moment was to be touched by more than one pair of hands. Thankfully, Jay came to your rescue for one last time that night.

“Give her some space,” he said, shooing Jungwon away from your left side. “Let her go see Sunghoon-ie.” The whisper was meant for just Heeseung, who’d been the one standing closest to the hallway that contained all of the bedrooms.

The eldest nodded. “He’s in your room,” Heeseung said.

“Thank you,” you offered delicately. “Good night.”

“Night.” He shuffled to the side and you walked past them without a second thought, the only thing on your mind being your boyfriend.

The sharpness of their gaze on your back prickled your nerves as you reached for the doorknob. Composure was something that lacked as you creaked the door open just enough for you to slip through, shutting it behind you swiftly.

Sunghoon was curled up on your bed, facing the wall and with the way his shoulders were heaving, you could tell he was crying. He looked like a small child. It made your heart ache.

You toed out of your shoes, having forgotten to take them off at the front door and softly, you tip-toed over to the bed.

“Hi, Hoon,” you said as gently as possible, sliding your right hand over his arm as you used the other to set yourself down on the small space left on the mattress.

His head snapped to look at you and to your confirmation, his eyes were red, tears still brimming on his waterline.

“YN-ie…” Your other hand found the side of his head as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. His bottom lip quivered, “I’m sorry.” And then it was his turn to sob as he pushed his head against your stomach. Sunghoon echoed the words again. Then again. Then again, like a mantra. All you could do was curl over him, pressing your lips against the back of his neck and whisper reassurances against his skin.

“Breathe, Hoon,” you said, trying to get him to settle down. “Breathe with me. Please.” And then you were breathing in slowly, counting to four, and then exhaling in the same way. On your fourth deep breath, your palm on his back rose in time with your own lungs. Eventually, his whimpers stopped.

Your crewneck was wet now, but you didn’t care. Having him here with you, in your arms again as you comforted him was the only thing you could concentrate on.

“I thought you weren’t gonna come back,” Sunghoon finally said.

You cooed a bit at his words, “Nothing would stop me from coming back to you.”

His eyes peeked up at you from his place on your lap. And then in a blink, his forehead was against yours, his hands pulling you closer to his upright body, chest against chest. Sunghoon opened his mouth, getting ready to apologize. You kissed him before he could.

You were desperate as you both continued to pull each other as close as physically possible, tongues intertwining as a way of saying: “I’m here”. As much as you wanted to keep kissing him, there was no way you two could make up correctly if you did so. You pulled away to look at his puffy face, eyes and all. Your thumbs stroked the area under his lashes, wiping off the tears.

“Don’t you dare apologize.”

“I want to, though,” he said quickly. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you or– or said any of those words because I didn’t mean them and they didn’t help anything–”

“I forgive you,” you interjected. “I’m at fault too. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice how you were feeling, and I’m sorry that I forgot our date.” You both exchanged a weak laugh. “I didn’t mean to ignore you and I promise and I swear and I vow, cross my heart, all of it… That I won’t do it again.”

“I highly doubt that,” Sunghoon protested, but he was smiling softly. You adopted the same expression. “But I know that you’re going to do everything in your power to try and not to.”

You nodded furiously, “You’re going to get sick of me asking if you’ve gotten enough attention.”

He chuckled, “I’m sorry if I’ve been keeping you from spending time with the others. And I’m sorry that I made you feel bad about it.”

“We’re both trying to figure out relationships,” you said. “And how to balance them with our friendships… But we’re gonna work it out together.” Sunghoon stared at you intently, his whole attention on you as you spoke. “We aren’t done talking about this, but I am not mad at you.”

He cut you off, “I love you.” That last piece of concern in your emotions eased.

“I love you.”

The next morning you and Sunghoon had spent quite a bit of time talking everything through. Him sharing his worries about his possessiveness and how to get better with it and you sharing how his words did hurt you, but understanding his point of view and how you weren’t completely innocent in the situation. By the time the group was ready to leave for Enhypen’s schedules for the day, you and Sunghoon had successfully made up from your first fight, and the rest of the members (apart from Jay) had given you a small scolding on how much you’d scared them the previous night.

The rest of the day was easy. Finally, you’d regained your attentiveness to the group’s preparation for both the last of the award show performances as well as already the next upcoming mini album. You’d felt like yourself again as you laughed with Sangmi and Riki during your dance practices and gladly took the spot next to Sunghoon during the meeting you’d had that day to discuss future content. It was the recurring theme for the week, you finding yourself again, but it was welcome. Strangely enough, you hadn’t even realized that you’d become the persona of “Just Sunghoon’s Girlfriend”. Fitting that side of you while maintaining all of your own hobbies and relationships was something you could now feel yourself getting better at. And it only made you more and more joyful.

Sunghoon was happier as well. It was easy to tell with how he was reaching for time with the others now, and with his growing ability to share his troubles with you. Despite the changes in your relationship with him, for the better, many of your old habits stayed. You both still went on multiple dates a week (at least one of them being at a café), spent the nights together, slept on each other during car rides… the list went on. So it wasn’t abnormal for the members to find you both curled around each other on the couch when your list of to-dos for the day had been completed.

You were relaxed into Sunghoon’s side, legs thrown over his lap and talking his ear off about some cartoon you used to watch when you were little that he’d never heard of when Jay came into the living room.

“YN-ie,” he said, interrupting your chattering and causing both you and your boyfriend to look over in his direction. Jay was standing next to the front door, parka on and a black beanie hiding the majority of his still bleach-blond hair. “D’you still wanna learn how to cook?”

You nudged Sunghoon’s head with your own and peered over at him. He was still smiling, not a hint of discomfort on his face as he bumped your head back.

“Go,” he whispered to you. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Jay-hyung, you're doing me a favor,” Sunghoon suddenly spoke up. “Maybe by the time you’re back she’ll be tired of talking about Gravity Falls.”

You gasped and smacked Sunghoon’s chest lightly, “I’d never get tired of talking about Gravity Falls.”

He grabbed the hand that had just hit him and stuck his tongue out at you. You used your free hand to try and swat at his face but he just barely dodged you, swiftly taking hold of your right hand too. Sunghoon puckered his lips at you, “Kiss.”

“No please?”

“Please?–”

“Oh my god, get a room,” Jay said from his spot by the entryway. At his words, you leaned over and gave Sunghoon a quick peck before you were clambering off his lap, Sunghoon yelling out in faux pain as you did so.

“Is the car already here?” you asked as you approached Jay, him already holding a coat open for you to put on.

You turned so your back was facing him, and he helped you pull on the outerwear. “Yeah, so say your goodbyes.”

“Does this cooking involve me never seeing anyone again?” you joked, tugging your hair free from the space between the coat and your neck. Both of the boys laughed.

“Depends on how long it takes us to get these groceries,” Jay responded, opening the door for you as you pulled on your shoes.

You sighed, “Okay, okay. Bye, Hoon! Love you!”

The phrase was repeated back to you as you and Jay exited the dorms. The ride to the store market Jay had picked out was shorter than you thought it’d be and before the two of you could get too deep into your conversation, he was already helping you out of the car and starting along the vendors, bodyguard following closely behind the two of you.

“What are we making?” you questioned after passing by a vendor that was making Odeng for a couple that was wearing matching jackets. The sight made you wonder if that’s what you and Jay looked like–a couple.

He interrupted your thoughts, “Atlang.” You furrowed your eyebrows as your mouth dropped open a bit.

“Fish egg soup?”

“Don’t give me that look,” he said, barely moving his eyes to look at you. “You’re acting like you don’t breathe and sleep sushi.”

He had a point there.

“So I’m guessing we’re here for the fish eggs,” you continued.

“The myeongnan–” you rolled your eyes a little at his fancy terms, “and the gochujang paste. We have the vegetables and spices at home–”

“On your left!”

You were in Jay’s arms before you could process something whirring past you in a blur. His jacket was plush and cold between your fingers as you gripped onto him tightly and you were grateful that you hadn’t tripped over your own feet and taken you both down to the cement. A dryness caught in your throat when you recognized how close Jay’s face was to yours. Your brain felt empty as you stared at his warm brown eyes that seemed strong and ever-growing–his attention focused on the scooter that had almost just run you over.

That sudden adrenaline that always came after a close call never appeared in your veins, though. Because the only thing you could sense as you pulled him closer, hanging on tight and taking in the woody perfume that he’d been using lately, was calmness. Centered. Security. Surprise, at the fact that you were feeling these things.

“Idiot. Who rides a scooter in the middle of a marketplace?– God…” And then he was looking at you and that calmness was replaced with a rush of dopamine and the adrenaline you’d been waiting for. “Are you okay?”

Your tongue barely darted out to wet your lips as you stared at his own.

“Mhm,” you softly hummed and you were back on your feet before you could finish the sentence and process what was happening.

“Good, let’s go.”

What? At his change in attitude, you felt out of breath. Nonetheless, you followed him.

The rest of the shopping trip flew by. As the two (three, bodyguard– duh) of you strolled along the stands and vendors, searching for what you needed, you couldn’t help but get distracted by some of the items. A necklace that you didn’t have the money with you to buy, a scarf that you would’ve loved to give your sister for Christmas, and some delicious-looking tteokbokki that Jay wouldn't let you get.

“You’ll ruin your dinner!”

“Please! I’m starving.”

“That’ll make this meal that much better!”

Begrudgingly, you’d given up on the street food and thankfully, not much longer after that, you’d found the last thing you were looking for. With the staff that’d come with you holding the bags, you whispered to Jay about how your feet hurt.

He squatted down almost instantly. Grinning widely, you’d climbed onto his back, wrapping your arms around his neck. But then his hands curled around the backs of your thighs and it was all you could think about. For the walk back to the car, his fingers digging into your skin and making you feel warm. In an attempt to hide your heated face, you hid it in his neck and somehow, Jay didn’t complain about how your breath tickled his skin.

Your mouth was so close to him. You wondered if he tasted as good as he smelled. If he would like it if you kissed that birthmark that was just under his jaw. That mark was so adorable–

Once again, your feet were being placed back on the pavement without you noticing it. Your hands moved slowly away from Jay’s neck, down his back a bit and then they were retracted immediately after you processed how inappropriate it was for you to be touching him like that. Especially when you had a boyfriend. Jay didn’t seem like he cared though, and if he did, he didn’t say anything.

He still opened the car door for you, helped you in, and made you laugh on the car ride back. Easing the thoughts you had of whether he saw how you’d been acting or not. It was almost happening unconsciously, the thoughts and longings that you usually only had with Sunghoon. And the guilt you felt about it was heavy, considering how Sunghoon had shown how bothered he was about you acting like a girlfriend to the other members. To your shared friends.

Everyone had apparently headed off to their respective rooms by the time you and Jay re-entered the dorms. Night had barely fallen so you figured that they were all taking a moment for themselves before you and Jay called them out for dinner. After removing your outerwear, Jay and you headed into the kitchen, him carrying the groceries as you slid along the tile in your fuzzy socks.

“Haul time!” you cheered, jumping around the edge of the island so you were on the side that was with the stove.

Jay chuckled, “First…” he took something out of the bag. “The gochujang paste!” You let out a small ‘yay’ as you took the container out of his hands, placing it on the counter. “And lastly…” he revealed the package of myeongnan!”

“Whoo!”

“‘Whoo’ is absolutely right,” he said as he joined you on your side of the room, opening the fridge to store the marinated pollack roe. “Everyone should be grateful that we’re making them such a high-quality meal tonight.”

“Maybe I’ll just watch you make it.”

Jokingly, you moved away from him, hands gliding behind you on the cool surface of the island. As expected, Jay’s fingers circled your wrists before you could get too far and you were being pulled back to him.

“Nice try,” he laughed and you frowned. “You’re a big girl and you can help me make dinner.”

Well, you weren’t going to argue with that. Especially when his voice sounded a bit deeper than it usually did.

Nervously, you separated your touch from his to tuck some of your hair behind your ear. “Fair enough. What do we start with?”

“Washing your hands,” Jay said, tilting his head back towards the sink as he moved to rummage through the cupboards for the utensils you’d be needing.

You nodded, “Makes sense.”

The hot water was borderline scalding on your hands, but at that point, you were willing to try anything to remove the electricity that Jay left behind on your skin.

Cooking when you were doing it right, and with someone who you enjoyed spending time with, was surprisingly easy. You had thought that it would require more precision, exact measurements and stirs and timeframes, but Jay made everything look so natural. He told you that almost everything could be done with your instincts and a little bit of guidance from the recipe and he was absolutely right. It was effortless to relax after you gained a bit more confidence in your movements and the jokes and conversation flowed as a harmony with the quiet background music Jay had turned on at some point.

Everything was done cooking sooner than you’d thought it’d be and you were almost disappointed that your time alone with the older male was almost up for the night. Trying not to dwell on the collapse of contentedness, you continued slowly chopping up the last of the vegetables that would go with the altang.

“Ah,” Jay said from behind you and you looked over your shoulder to see him approaching you. “That was the other thing I wanted to fix.”

“What part of me are you trying to fix?” You laughed.

He smiled as he shifted so he was standing directly behind you, “Your cutting skills.”

The hardness of his chest pressed against your back and your nerves seized and you dropped the knife onto the cutting board at the sudden closeness. Frozen was the only way to describe your movements as Jay silently reached his arm across your body, one hand delicately taking hold of your right hand to turn it over while the other retrieved the knife. Only his soft breathing was against your ears as he placed the handle back into your grasp, his fingers arranging your own to hold the blade in a certain way.

The rise and fall of your lungs slowed. You felt dizzy, like his nose brushing against the shell of your ear as he peered over your smaller frame was putting some kind of spell on you. Focusing on the task at hand felt impossible as he somehow got even closer, arms practically wrapped around you while he adjusted your other hand. His fingers looked so large compared to your own and the sight of him effortlessly bending your knuckles so you wouldn’t cut your fingertips off only intensified that dizziness.

Maybe this was too inappropriate for a girl who already had a boyfriend but at that moment you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Your love for Sunghoon was so strong and you thought that there was no possible way it could’ve been matched, but there was something else growing in your heart that made those conclusions falter.

Jay had always been there for you, had always been the one to take care of you, and was the one noticing the things that no one else did. You’d always appreciated him, been grateful for the way he treated you like a princess, but you couldn’t help but recall recent times when he’d been a bit too assertive over others when it came to you. Him calling off the other boys when you ran out of water during practice, saying you would share with him. Him sending a glare to anyone who’d enter the beauty room while you were getting ready with him being the one keeping you company. Him indirectly trying to get you to spend less time with Sunghoon and more with the other members. Including Jay himself. Little things, but now, in this intimate position you couldn’t help but think they had a different meaning.

Overwhelmed, you set the knife down, Jay loosening his grip on you to let you do so safely.

“Jay…” Your whisper could barely be heard over the hushed music, but he still hummed after you said his name. Hip brushing against his, you carefully turned around. Jay’s hands didn’t move from around you, his hands resting on the edge of the counter. You were caged in against him.

His eyes were so pretty. You couldn’t read the look in them, your brain too cloudy and his intense stare almost made it impossible to maintain eye contact. But you might as well have been hypnotized. The brown of irises was so warm that you could only think of chocolate and how badly you wanted to drown in them.

You weren’t sure who kissed who first.

Jay could’ve leaned down or you could’ve risen on your toes but it didn’t matter because his lips were finally moving against your own.

It didn’t take long for his mouth to crash against yours and you think you might’ve whimpered as his tongue found its way between your lips. Subconsciously, her hands roamed under the hem of his shirt, discovering the firm muscles of his lower back as his tongue explored your mouth. It was a kiss that was meant for lovers behind locked doors, not in a dimly lit kitchen where anyone could walk in. Jay deepened the kiss even more, which you didn’t think was possible, and only then did you realize what you were doing.

Your hands that had been lovingly holding him to you were abruptly pulling him away from you, knowing that now he should be as far away from you as possible. Jay stumbled back at the tugging against his white t-shirt, hitting the edge of the stove and causing the pans placed on the border to clatter back towards the middle.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” you gasped, hand shooting up to your mouth.

Jay shook his head, “No, it’s okay. I’m okay. Are you alright–”

Now your own head was moving side to side hard enough to cause a dull pain behind your skull. A tear fell despite you not even realizing that they had begun to well up.

The guilt that was creeping up inside of you made you feel physically ill, unlike anything you’d ever experienced before. You felt horrible, you were horrible. You were a horrible girlfriend. God, how could you keep making mistakes like this when Sunghoon…

“Sunghoon…” you sobbed, hand against your mouth shaking as you processed what you’d just done. Jay was instantly back at your side.

Softly, he took your hand in his and moved it away from your face, holding it in his. “Shh– shh… I’m sorry, I’m sorry. We can talk to him and explain–”

“Explain what?” you cried in a manner that was perhaps a bit too loud. “That I– I– cheated on him?” You couldn’t get enough air in your chest. You were going to puke. There was a steady thumping under your palm.

Jay lifted your hand to his chest, letting it rest on his heart and feel the slower pace at which he was breathing. “You need to breathe, YN, you’re having a panic attack.”

Closing your eyes, you let a trembling breath escape your lips. And as Jay’s chest rose, you took a deep breath and exhaled as he did so. Repeating the process was easy, but opening your eyes to Jay’s saddened face made your heartbreak and guilt build up all over again.

“I–”

“You guys okay? Thought I heard something break,” Heeseung said from the doorway. Neither of you said anything, Jay just kept looking at you as you turned your vision to the floor.

Clenching your fist tightly, you let the pain of your fingernails digging into your skin distract you from the pain in your heart and you cleared your throat. “Yeah, we’re fine. Dinner’s ready.”

You pushed away from Jay, wiping the water from your cheeks. Keeping your head down, you brushed past Heeseung, beelining for the bathroom you used most often since you figured that was the only place where no one would question why you were crying. You burst into the room quickly, shutting the door behind you as quietly as possible.

And for the next hour, you laid on the bathroom floor, the coolness of the tile on your face keeping you present. Keeping you thinking about how you hated yourself for kissing Jay. Hated yourself for liking it and loving him.

All of the progress you’d made in your relationship with Sunghoon had been ruined in under five minutes. All of the self-love that was beginning to return to you had been ripped away the moment you’d decided to kiss Jay back. And if the avoiding you’d done with Sunghoon before you both got together was bad, the way you were avoiding Jay was borderline criminal. You’d thrown yourself fully into your relationship with Sunghoon, making up your mind about how if you gave him more love it would cancel out the tiny mistake you’d made. The huge mistake you’d made.

It had only been two days, but the time that’d passed felt like an eternity. There was no way you’d be able to keep your actions with Jay a secret for much longer. You told Sunghoon everything. He was your best friend, your person, and you rarely kept things from him. Usually when you messed up, you and he would be able to open up and share how you were feeling and how to make it better. But you knew that if he ever found out about this, he would never forgive you. It was wrong to keep something like this from him, but you didn’t want to lose him.

But you didn’t want to lose Jay in the process either.

And that was exactly what was happening. You liked to think that you took your time to process things and think your options through when really, you would put decisions off to avoid the consequences of them. Ignoring Jay almost every time he tried to speak with you and never allowing yourself to be alone in a room with him was hurting him. You could tell that much. With the way the shine that was in his eyes when he would see you would dim when you would pretend like you didn’t hear him. The way you’d stop coming to him for help with things. You knew you were making him feel unneeded and unwanted, but you couldn’t dare pick between the two boys.

Because you were in love with both of them.

The thought still didn’t seem morally correct to you, you weren’t sure if it would ever feel socially acceptable either, but it was true. Your coming to terms with your feelings for Jay were much different than your experience with the ones for Sunghoon. You weren’t able to embrace them fully in fear that both boys would leave you if you played your cards wrong or said something that would set them both off. And it didn’t help that they both had possessive tendencies.

So you turned to Sangmi, one of the only people you could trust with this information.

“You like both of them?” she’d asked, removing the sheet mask that you’d both been doing in the soft lighting of your guys’ room.

You nodded, “Love. I think I love both of them.”

She pursed her lips and puffed her cheeks out, focused on folding her mask. After a moment, she’d thrown it into the trash can, almost missing so the skincare hung over one of the sides of the gray plastic.

“I don’t know what to tell you, babe. I can’t say I’ve ever been in that position–”

“Just tell me what you would do.”

“But I can’t,” she had sighed. “Because we’re each our own person. Just because I would do something one way doesn’t mean you should do it as well.”

You whined and slumped over onto her lap. In a comforting manner, she threaded her fingers through your hair, scratching her nails lightly over your scalp. “I’m stuck! I don’t think I would be able to live without either of them…”

“First of all, you definitely would–” Your groan of annoyance cut her off and she giggled. “Second of all, from what you’ve told me, they love you too.” Her voice had gotten quiet. You straightened your spine back to an upright position and locked eyes with your best friend.

“You think so?”

Sangmi had hummed in agreement, “Talk with them. If they love you as much as you love them, then they would be willing to do anything to be with you. To make you happy.”

“Even sharing,” you sighed as you flipped around and rested back down on her folded legs. “That’s so much to ask of a man, though. One can’t even stay loyal to one girl most of the time.” Your hands flopped to your side. “How am I supposed to ask for so much from them? One girl and two guys? No way that could ever last.”

“Not with that mindset,” Sangmi laughed. Her face grew pensive and while you waited for her to continue, you stared at the white ceiling. “I think that you’ve always made love out to be trickier than it actually is–”

“But sometimes–”

“Sometimes there are exceptions, and this whole kiss thing with Jay-oppa might be one of them, but YN-ie–let yourself go for once.”

You looked down at your hands, folded over your chest, rising and falling as you breathed.

“I just feel like every time I do that I mess up.”

“You’re human. Humans mess up all the time but you’re never going to get anywhere if you don’t take a risk.”

You bit your lip, “Maybe you’re right.”

Sangmi shrugged, “I tend to be.”

“Or maybe you’re just feeding my delusions– Hey!” You squealed as she threw one of her pillows at your face.

“I’m never giving you advice again,” she said, sounding like a stressed mother. You giggled.

And now, swallowing your pride, your feet padded against the smooth tile of the living room as you approached Sunghoon after claiming that you were going to use the bathroom. When really, you’d spent a good four minutes in the space mentally preparing yourself for this difficult conversation.

“Hey,” you said, a smile on your face as you found your spot right next to him on the couch again.

Sunghoon turned off his phone, watching you approach him with his own dazed expression. “Hi. How was the bathroom?”

“As awesome as ever.” You sounded nervous. Nervous was an understatement. You were pretty sure you were shaking. “Um… I actually needed to talk to you about something that’s been– um, bothering me for a couple of days.”

Sunghoon’s eyebrows knitted together and he nodded slowly, “Yeah, what is it?”

“So…” you started, shifting onto your knees so you were closer to eye-level with him. “I’m not really sure how to say this but um… the other night, when Jay-oppa and I were cooking we… um…”

Sunghoon tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes a bit at you. “You what?”

“We kissed,” Jay said from the doorway, entering the conversation just like he did the night Sunghoon and you were speaking of.

Afraid, you glanced back at Jay, who looked angry, then at Sunghoon, whose face was blank. Your heart dropped. Their reactions were exactly the opposite of what you’d been hoping for. But they were exactly what you’d been expecting.

You waited for one of them to yell at you. To call you a horrible name and say you were disgusting. For Sunghoon to break up with you, for Jay to say he regretted ever kissing you, but neither of them said anything. And that only scared you more, but you had no idea what to say.

Finally, Sunghoon clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, and his eyes zoned in on Jay. Then he was standing up and your vision followed him, uncertain of what he was going to do.

“God, man, what do I have to do to get you to back the fuck off from my girlfriend?” He laughed bitterly and you felt frozen once again, just like you do in every conflicting situation.

Jay scoffed, eyes shooting back and forth between you and Sunghoon, “She kissed me back. And you know, I think she liked it.” The last part was a whisper and you couldn’t help but let your gaze fall to the floor as both boys let the sight of you looking pitiful on the couch be the center of their attention.

Embarrassed, you nodded.

“Well, then what do we do?” Sunghoon said, his anger creeping into his tone. “Because you’re clearly trying to ruin my relationship with her–”

“YN’s not completely innocent in this either!”

“I’m right here!” you yelled, fed up with how neither you nor Jay were refusing to take responsibility for the situation and for how Sunghoon wasn’t accepting that you cheated on him. “And if anything, this whole thing is my fault. Not yours.” You looked at Sunghoon as you also stood up, pushing away from the couch. “Or yours,” you said, eyeing Jay.

You blinked back tears, trying to remain strong.

“Because– because I’m in love with you both. And I feel disgusting saying it because you both deserve someone that will love you both how you deserve and–” Sunghoon’s arms were around you before you could finish your sentence. The only words you could repeat were “I’m sorry” as Sunghoon soothingly hushed you, hand resting at the back of your neck as he held you close to his chest.

You felt another pair of hands travel around your sides as Jay wrapped around you both, effectively surrounding you from every free space. Sunghoon’s cheek fell onto your head and Jay’s chin ended up on your left shoulder. Their scents, the warmth of their skin, and the feeling of their heartbeats was enough to ground you again and you found yourself calming down as you weakly encircled Sunghoon’s middle with your arms.

“Okay, I’m okay,” you said, getting a bit overwhelmed with the tightness you were enveloped in. Both of the boys backed away hesitatingly, and you took a spot on the couch again. Sunghoon followed suit quickly as Jay stood next to your side in front of the furniture.

“Sunghoon-ah, I’m not trying to destroy your relationship with YN-ie,” Jay confessed. “You’re important to her and… and you’re important to me too.”

With a confirming nod, Sunghoon accepted the elder’s words.

“I’m in love with her too,” Jay added and his words made your heart practically stop. Your eyes felt a bit too wide to be normal and he stared down at you with a small smile on his lips. “And I want what’s best for her and clearly, that’s you.”

“We shouldn’t have kissed, Hoon,” you joined in, turning to face your boyfriend. His elbows were resting on his knees as he took in what Jay and you had to say. “And I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, and apologizing for not telling you about it right away, and I’m sorry I didn’t say that I was falling in love with Jay sooner because– I love you so so much.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Sunghoon admitted after you finished speaking. “I don’t think I’m really that mad, actually just more sad that you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”

Reaching for his left hand, you carefully took it into your own. “You mean so much to me, Hoon. I didn’t want to hurt you–”

“It does hurt,” he said and your bottom lip trembled a bit. “You aren’t forgiven yet, but I’m not going to break up with you.”

Hope lit through you, you could practically feel it seeping out of your pores. “Really?”

“I love you,” he said simply. “And I know you love me. But I know that you love Jay too–”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you said, squeezing his hand tightly. “I’ll do whatever makes both of you happy.” Glancing back and forth between them, you continued, “If that’s not being with either of you, so be it–”

“Absolutely not,” Jay laughed. “Do you know how hard Hoon here had to work to get you to date him?”

Sunghoon sighed, “That’s not the point.” You stifle a giggle at the irritated look he sent Jay. “Let me finish. It’s going to take a lot of work, for me and Jay-hyung, but I’m okay with… I don’t wanna say sharing, that sounds wrong, but, if being with both of us is what you want…” he cocked his head to the side, eyes swimming with a varied mix of emotions. “Then I’m okay with it.”

“So what… You’re suggesting I date both of you?” you asked, eyebrows furrowing. Peering over your shoulder, you locked eyes with Jay, who also looked like he was in deep thought. “If you want to, Jay-oppa.”

A few seconds passed before Jay answered, “We’ll have to take things super slow. And Sunghoon-ie and I are gonna have to figure out how to get over our jealousy, but yeah. Let’s do it.”

You didn’t even try to hide how overjoyed you were, a grin proudly present on your face as you practically jumped on Sunghoon, peppering kisses all over his face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you so so so so so–”

“Okay– okay! Calm down, princess, I love you too,” he chuckled. You pulled away, gazing sweetly at his eyes before leaning in to kiss him. Nothing deep, just a long peck on the lips before you withdrew from Sunghoon and turned to Jay.

“C’mere,” you said, reaching for him. He complied, smirking a bit as you tugged his face to yours, giving Jay his own peck on the lips. “I love you.”

Jay gave you a peck on your cheek, “I love you.”

“Okay, that’s enough for now,” Sunghoon said. His hands drew you back to his chest and tucking your head under his chin protectively.

“I don’t get to join in on the cuddles?”

“No. Just me. Remember you guys need to make it up to me for kissing before we agreed on… whatever this is.” Sunghoon’s hair was silk-like between your fingers as you twisted your arm up so you could play with his locks.

Laughing, you patted the spot next to you on the couch. “You can sit next to us, Jay. I’ll play with your hair too if you want me to.”

Jay seemed to brighten again. He was leading your hand to his head as he laid down on the cushions, head falling on your lap. Sunghoon complained a bit, but after a few kisses, he finally settled in.

You knew you all had a lot of work to do, but with both of them laughing and being there with you, that feeling of fullness–of being complete, you’d been searching for for so long returned. Permanently. Happiness would be easier every day as long as you had both of your boys by your side, just like this.

마리셀의 노트 , thanks to miss lana del rey for giving me the motivation to finish this😓 I’ll try to be faster with writing in the future but I am in school so that’s my first priority!🌷🩷 please don’t be afraid to ask me stuff / interact with me! and thank you for all of the support🥰💕💋

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