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littlemisslipbalm · 4 years

Text

“it’s not that important”

Summary: Y/N is in Harry’s band and one night they have a drunken hook up. One thing leads to another and they find themselves engaging in a friend’s with benefits type of situation. spoiler: it is important

AKA: A friends with benefits to lovers story :) with some angst in there

This is for @stylesharrys fallinharry10k celebration so my trope is friends with benefits! prompt is “you have no goddamn idea what you do to me. when i’m around you, i have no control of my emotions or my thoughts” and the tenth picture ^ i kinda just used it in the beginning to descripe what he was wearing - i got really carried away with this story but the prompt is in there !! lol, not proofread tho but would love your feedback !!!! :) love y’all very much

oh boy i’ve had this done for agesss but i hadn’t written the smut until today so now we’re here i dont even remember what happens - i vaguely remember not loving the end but I hope yall enjoy

Word Count: 15.4k (longest fic to date) | Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, alcohol consumption? i dont remember but i dont think theres anything too heavy in here.

“Hey Harold!” You smile as you easily hop over the side of the couch and settle beside your bandmate.

Harry groans, yet can’t keep the small smile off of his face when he sees it’s you. “How many times have I told you to never call me that?”

Your eyes narrow at his faux glare. “And how many times have I told you, I simply do not care?”

You reach a hand out and tousle his already disheveled, unstyled brown hair. Despite his lack of styling, his hair still looked perfect. His chestnut hair fell into a middle part when he did nothing to it and you found it endearing. It made him look far younger than he truly was, like a boy you might have pursued when you were in your early days at college. The waves slightly framed his prominent cheekbones and chiseled jaw that was sporting a tiny amount of stubble.

He moves his arm from around the back of the couch to pat at his hair, trying to put it back in its nondescript position you had just messed with. After he’s satisfied, he uses the same hand to push up his glasses on the bridge of his nose. They’re chestnut brown Gucci frames that match the natural highlights in his hair. You can safely assume that’s why he bought them. The lenses are clear, but you know they don’t hold any prescription. He looks incredulously at you from behind them still.

“Nice glasses,” you mention offhandedly as you reach out to the coffee table to grab the drink you had left there earlier.

Before Harry had arrived, you had been taking up residence on the couch, in the spot he had actually taken up. You had ventured to the restroom for a moment and gotten held up in a conversation when asked your preference for the Beatles. Having to defend your staunch stance for the Beatles and against the Rolling Stones, you had gotten swept up into an argument with Adam. He believed that because the Rolling Stones toured for longer warranted them the title of best rock band. While you countered that despite their long touring and production of music, the Stones had a rotation of members. The Beatles maintained the four of them and held such a large impact even though they were barely together for a decade. They were one of a kind, or at least the first of their kind, you’d allow. You weren’t really in the mood for intellectual conversation tonight, so upon seeing Harry taking up your seat, you had told Adam you’d continue the discussion at a later date and returned to your spot.

“Thanks,” Harry mumbles as his gaze flits around the room. He wasn’t sure if you were actually complimenting him, but he would take it as one either way.

The rest of your friends are all up and about, drinking, talking, dancing. It was the usual house party scene: a relatively intimate gathering, music you all actually liked, some friends of friends feeling slightly out of place. There was no pressure in this type of gathering but still Harry wasn’t necessarily in the party mood tonight. Usually, Harry was the one instigating these types of get-togethers with his friends and bandmates. He liked to be the life of the party, but as the tour loomed closer and closer, he felt some tinge of longing for quiet and solitude. He knew he wouldn’t have much quiet while on the road, which mostly didn’t scare him. He loved the stage and the high he received from performing and the gratification he felt from all the people in the room being there to see him. But there was also that other part of him that liked the quiet, the privacy. As the lack of alone time nudged itself around the corner, he had been hoping to enjoy solitude, or at the very least peace before he was on the road. Some sort of blissful state before technical chaos ensued. When Charlotte, the host of tonight’s soiree, had texted their group chat about tonight, Harry had politely declined. Then came the slew of private texts from Charlotte giving him all the reasons he should come tonight. He tried to say no again, but had shown up after the continued begging from her.

His appearance mirrored his expression, choosing a not perfectly fitted white t-shirt and random trousers rather than picking something he really loved, like usual. You could tell something was up and as his friend you were wondering what was wrong with him.

“Don’t sound so excited, Harry, someone might mistake you for somebody who’s happy to be here.” You stick your tongue into the side of your cheek, gauging his reaction.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re not very funny?” He quips, green eyes flashing to meet yours.

Your banter is probably how the pair of you communicated the best, never really falling into the whole serious side of friendship. You never shared those late night talks about the future or your fears. It was a fun friendship, so you didn’t fancy yourself one of his closest confidants. When it came to music, you and Harry were a bit more serious which formed a sort of paradox because the music you would share with each other gave a far greater insight into your souls than you probably realized. As a member of his band, you would discuss his music and what was going on with that sort of business part. But the sharing and discussion of other music that you did was part of your friendship, even if you didn’t see it like that. Because of the countless albums you had recommended to each other and the specific songs you had made note of, Harry and you knew each other much better than you thought you did. Music connects to something deep inside yourself and you have to like it enough and know the other person well enough to believe that they will also enjoy it to recommend it. As much tongue and cheek that you partook in with Harry, deep down, unbeknownst to either of you, you were that friend he shared his hopes and fears with, through the way he knew best, music.

“No, most people find me hilarious...”

You take a sip of your drink, trying to cover up the sting that his remark actually left. Most of the time you were great at keeping up with anyone’s banter, especially Harry’s, but tonight you weren’t feeling it. His tone had sounded so harsh it almost sounded like he meant it. His features soften when he sees the way your face falls, despite your sarcastic tone.

“‘M sorry. I’m just not in the best mood tonight. Didn’t want to come, but Charlotte…” He shifts to face you, arm retracting slightly around the couch, landing his hand at the edge of your shoulder. His fingers fiddle with themselves absentmindedly, he turns his rings around his fingers and they ever so slightly brush against your shoulder. You don’t mind, you know its his nervous tick that he did whenever he didn’t have something to clink them against.

“Yeah, same here, actually.” Your tuck an out of place hair behind your ear, returning your gaze to Harry, who’s tilting his head at you curiously. “But might as well make the most of it, though. After all, this is our last week before tour starts.” You raise your glass and tilt it towards him before taking a sip.

You really didn’t have a plan, you were just trying to make him feel a little better. It was seldom you saw him so solemn at this type of gathering. He usually was the one bouncing from group to group, entertaining everyone with his dazzling charm and quick wit. Sometimes he would bring a date and spend the night with them in the corner, but that was usually at bigger parties than this. At these types of gatherings you often found yourself talking with Charlotte for most of the night. You were both new additions in the band and you had clicked immediately. You would travel in a pair between different groups and talk with everyone. Sometimes you would tell a humorous anecdote about your life and everyone would laugh wholeheartedly. Your ability to retell a story and make it hilarious every time seemed to be your secret talent. You could make any experience into a ten-minute retelling and it always sounds like the funniest moment of your life. It ranged from your embarrassing audition for Grease as a tween to your supermarket run in with an old acquaintance or B-list celebrity the day before. It didn’t matter what it was, it just always had the entire circle of people laughing and wiping their eyes with joy. You’d laugh a little with themselves, but usually you just had a triumphant smile on your lips for the rest of the night.

He nods, sipping his own drink for the first time since you had settled down beside him. “Well, I’m all ears.”

“What?”

“Give me your suggestions on how to make the most of tonight.”

“Drinking, mostly, was my plan,” you laugh nervously as Harry continues to stare at you intently.

“Mostly?”

“I mean, what do you want me to say? I didn’t think to pack my bouncy castle, my bad.”

He bites back a laugh but lets some air escape his defined nose, before staring with a deadpan face at you.

You like to tease him. You simply liked him. Harry was different from other men you knew. You were pretty sure most people could say that though. Harry was just different. It seemed like no one could not have some sort of affection for him. With the playful friendship the pair of you had, you always skirted the edge of flirtation. But you also didn’t particularly ever want to cross any lines with him. He was the employer of you, technically. He had brought you into his backing band and you wouldn’t do anything to harm that position. As well, at the end of the day you knew Harry. His tendencies and the choices he made.

When you were around him at parties like this, you had to try really hard to keep him at an arm’s length. Because on one hand, you would drink and suddenly the boundaries you put up didn’t seem that important, instead his lips started to look rather inviting, but on the other, you knew that he was extremely emotionally closed off to any relationship that was more than either friendship or a one night stand.

Harry doesn’t give you a response, just swings back his drink. The pair of you sit and drink in silence. Before you know it, Harry and you are five drinks in, finally talking after the second. The pair of you decide to move to the balcony outside and continue your conversation there after the third. After the fourth, you're getting really handsy and by the end of the fifth, Harry’s arm is wrapped tightly around your waist and you're laughing breathlessly into his neck. It looks like he’s just shielding you from the cold night air, but both of you seemed to be enjoying each other’s embrace for other reasons.

Finally catching your breath, you lean back and pant softly as you meet eyes with Harry. His pupils have blown out from the alcohol and dark light. The emerald green barely surrounds the black and you swear there’s flecks of gold or maybe brown in them. Your brows scrunch at the revelation and Harry asks what you’re thinking. You don’t respond, too entranced and drunk to even hear him.

“Oi,” he bops your nose, “What is goin’ on in there, little lady?”

Your hand reaches up and widens Harry’s eye manually. His inebriated state has no qualms about you doing such an odd thing. “Why’s your green not actually green?”

“What?” He asks before moving your hand away from his face, it instead falls to his chest. The pair of you shift until your caged between his body and the balcony’s ledge. You pout as you stare up at him. His skin looks soft and taught over every inch of his face and neck. The urge to kiss him keeps nagging at the back of your mind. The idea keeps creeping up closer and closer and the drunker you are the less likely you are to suppress it.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You blurt out.

“Sure.” Harry isn’t taken aback. He had been thinking about asking for a while, so he was glad you had asked first, made it easier for him.

“Okay, let’s go.”

He takes you back to your place, the pair of you catching a cab the short distance between yours and Charlotte’s flats. No one blinks an eye at the pair of you leaving together. Everyone watched the pair of you sulk all night about being there and only enjoying the other’s company, so they weren’t keen on either of you staying. Charlotte was simply glad the pair of you had stayed for as long as you did.

The two of you walk casually until you’re inside your bedroom. Once inside, Harry throws you on the bed and fucks you. Hard. He’s got you spread out in more ways than you had ever thought possible. He’s got you saying things you had never even dreamed of saying. And he’s got you cumming and screaming more than you could have ever wanted. He enjoys himself as well. He loves the way you feel around him and the way your eyes look up at him while he fucks you straight into the bed. He loves the way you sound whispering dirty things and screaming his name. He loves the feel of your soft skin all over your body as he pushes deep inside you. He loves the way you’re able to rip a guttural moan from him every time he cums. And he cums three times that night. While it wasn’t quiet, he did find that blissful state he had been in desperate need of.

After the third round, Harry feels spent. He brings himself into a sitting position, legs hanging off the edge of your bed. You’re lying in your bed, completely overstimulated, cumming at least twice as many times as Harry. He scratches at the top of his head, his bicep bulging as he folds his arms around himself.

“That was fucking good, Y/N. Just what I needed.”

You can only hum in response.

Then he takes your blanket and lays it over you. After that he begins to stand up, getting ready to grab his things and go.

“You don’t have to go…” your voice raises when you realize what he’s doing.

“Yeah, I do. This was just a one time thing, yeah? I enjoyed it, but you know...”

“Erm, I guess?” You rolled to fully look at him, he was pulling his t-shirt back on now, his marked chest disappearing beneath the white fabric. “Do you really not stay over at your one night stands?”

He thinks about it as he begins with his shoes and his glasses at the same time. “Yes? Usually I don’t know the person and I don’t particularly want to sign an autograph when I leave in the morning. Best to leave immediately afterwards.”

“That was exactly why I wanted you to stay...Shit! No chance you’ll give me an autograph now? Could sign my tit, right next to your hickies.”

He laughs, automatically in a better mood after the catharsis of having sex. It was also a relief for him that you didn’t seem to be weird about the hook up. “Shut up!”

“You’re a twat, Harold.” He groans instinctively at the annoying nickname, not caring about the ‘twat’ part. “But be my guest, you can freeze your arse off while waiting for your cab outside at this hour.”

“Rude..” He mutters, standing in your doorway now. “You wouldn’t actually make your employer stand out in the cold at this time of night. I haven’t even got a jumper. Could get a cold and ruin my voice. ”

“You’re the one who says it’s best to leave immediately. Get on it, mister.”

Your hand makes a shooing movement, but he doesn’t budge. You sigh as he makes a puppy dog face - eyes wide and a puckered pout with his flushed cheeks and lips - playing into your actual kindness, that he knows is somewhere. Your sweetness that you were keeping hidden from Harry right now. Nothing was serious between you so it made sense that you were trying not to let your innate ability to care show as he’s about to walk out on you.

“Ugh, fine. Stop looking at me like that. Just grab one of my coats from the bottom right, they’re all oversized so one should fit.” He doesn’t relent on the face. “And you can stay inside until your cab comes.” You sigh and throw one of your pillows at him. He catches it easily and throws it back, much softer than your throw. “Also never pull the employer card on me again when I’m naked in the bed you just fucked me in,” you call as he looks through your closet.

Returning with a patchwork coat you had thrifted tight over his shoulders, he looks at you seriously, “Yeah sorry about that part. Definitely wasn’t trying to exert my power over you, it sounded better in my head. Meant more like you could ruin my voice and both of our jobs.”

You nod and chuckle slightly, finding how inarticulate Harry could be as an endearing trait. His explanation didn’t actually make it sound better. “The jacket fits.” You say, choosing to move forward from Harry’s weirdness, knowing he didn’t mean any harm from his initial statement.

“Yeah, thanks. I think my cab is here,” He glances at his phone, “So I’ll go...See you?”

“I’m sure.” You smile, “We do in fact work together and will soon be touring the world. Would be a bit weird if I didn’t see you.”

“Right.” He nods and adds a peace sign before he walks out of your sight. You know he’s gone when you hear the door click shut. What an interesting night.

Love on Tour had just started and Harry couldn’t lie. He couldn’t keep his mind off of you. You were both his most recent partner and the best he had had in a while. He found himself rubbing over the spots on his neck and clavicle that you had given particular attention to during the night you had shared together. When he went to bed it was your body he pictured to get himself off. So, after the first show he’s beelining to you at the beginning of the after party. He’s got an adrenaline high and he needs a release. You’re the solution. He’s whispering in your ear, asking if you’d like to meet him in his dressing room. Your eyes study his face when he pulls back and they widen slightly when the realization of what he’s implying dawns on you. Then you’re nodding and excusing yourself from a random conversation five minutes later.

Inside Harry’s dressing room, you find Harry already unbuttoning his shirt. He grabs your face and shoves his lips onto yours once you lock the door. As he kisses you he tries to make one thing very clear, “This doesn’t mean anything.”

“Got it.” You begin to finish Harry’s job of taking off his shirt.

He pulls back to look you in the eye, “Are you okay with that?”

“Jesus fuck, yes, Harry, just shut up and fuck me senseless again!”

He listens to you and begins to kiss down your jaw and neck. His open-mouth kisses leave a searing trail across your skin. He settles on a spot at the base of your neck and begins to suck and nip at it with vigor. You set to work on finishing his job of unbuttoning his shirt. Then you pull off your own shirt, reaching behind you to untie the bows at the back. The new skin exposed grabs Harry’s attention and he moves down to suck over the cleavage of your tits. He’s happy to be back with his ‘bosom friends’. You smack his head when he says it and he chuckles darkly, only sucking harder on them causing you to moan louder than you would like.

Once you’re both in only your underwear, you find your back pressed up against the mirror behind the dressing room counter. Harry’s body is nestled between your spread legs as he kisses down your skin. His fingers dance along the line of your thong as he looks up from beneath his lashes for position, you only push his head closer to your heat in response. He laughs mischievously before tugging them down off your hips.

“Missed this pretty little cunt...All I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout,” He mutters as he begins to latch onto your dripping core.

Your brows shoot up at the thought that Harry’s mind has been stuck on you for the past week. You definitely had thought about your drunken hook up a bit, but hadn’t thought it had left a lasting impression on Harry, you assumed he had that lovely of a night with every person he chose to spend intimate time with. These thoughts are forgotten when Harry’s warm tongue is lapping at your swollen bud. You’re already panting for Harry and now you’re heaving with moans and whimpers leaving your mouth with every lick and nip of his expert mouth.

“Fuck Harry, feels so good,” you whine as his tongue travels down your folds and swirls and dips into your hole.

He moans at your words and the way your legs squeeze at his head. His hands move to spread you open wide to maintain his control and he smirks at the way your body rolls due to the friction of his voice against your pussy.

“Be a good girl f’me,” he growls still pressed against your wet heat.

Your body rolls again as you get closer and closer to your first release. Your bite your lip trying to contain all of the sounds that are trying to escape your mouth. Harry notices the new silence and glances up seeing how you’re trying to behave. As much as he likes you obeying his words, he also wanted to hear how he was pleasuring you.

“Tell me how you feel, princess,” he demands.

“So-so good,” you hiccup as his fingers caress over your folds now as he looks you in the eyes, his lips wet with your slick. He kisses you hard, his tongue diving into your mouth and you kiss back passionately, loving your taste on his tongue.

He pulls back and your hands trail down his chest, swirling around his familiar tattoos and hair that grace his lower torso as you move. He grins, enjoying the feeling of you on him and how he was affecting you.

Soon enough, his cock is finding its way back to your glistening folds, wet with your own liquids as well as his saliva. His mouth waters at the sight. He only pushes into you a few times like this. Then he catches sight of himself in the mirror in front of him and can’t resist. He pulls out and flips you over, your squeal leaving your mouth before you can stop yourself. His dick finds your entrance once again, not wanting to be without the wonderful warmth for any longer than he must.

“Ahhh,” Harry groans when he slips back inside.

Your head throws back on your neck, the feeling of him as well as the sight of him gripping your hair in one hand and your fleshy hip in the other. His rings dig into the skin as he’s able to slam more forcefully in this position. You gasp and whine at his motions. The sounds coming from between your legs are turning you on even more and they seem to make Harry happy too. He picks up the pace and drops the grasp of your hair for a second. Your head falls down as you try to keep yourself up on your elbows.

Gripping both of your hips, Harry growls, “Look at me while I fuck you. C’mon now.”

You moan in response and tear your eyes open to see your reflections in the mirror. One hand goes up to hold onto the mirror to give yourself more traction, causing your back to arch even more. The new position has Harry’s cock slamming into you deeper.

“Fuck!” Harry practically yells and can’t keep himself from landing a harsh slap on your ass. You jump forward at the sting but his other hand keeps the pace steady. He keeps burying himself into you all the way to his base, his balls slapping at your now slick spread thighs. He rubs over the red handprint he had just left on your ass. You whimper and bite your lip, truly enjoying the sensation.

Still staring into the mirror as Harry commanded, your eyes water slightly and Harry makes eye contact with you through the mirror. You smile widely and he grins back. “This feels so fucking good. Your pussy takes me so well. Fuck…” Harry babbles, still pistoning into you. You had noticed how vocal he was the first time you had fucked, but thought it had just been the alcohol. Apparently not. But you didn’t mind, you much preferred it to partners who barely spoke or didn’t even moan. Like how were you supposed to know what was going on in their minds? With Harry, you knew he was having a good time.

A few more heavy thrusts and you felt yourself nearing the edge. Your panting was getting faster, exceeding the speed of Harry’s thrusts and he could also feel you were close. Your cunt began squeezing him tighter so he hooked a hand under your knee and brought it onto the table. He hunched over you slightly and snaked his hand to your clit. “C’mon darling, I know you're close. Can feel that little cunt putting a choke hold on my cock.” He rubs at your clit with the vigor of strumming a quick paced song on the guitar. It’s enough to overtake your senses and the laugh that had bubbled from his words turns into your orgasm moan. You try to muffle it into the arm that is holding you against the mirror to avoid a full on scream because it feels that good. You felt like you were having your first ever orgasm, it felt that new to you.

A few more thrusts and you’ve come down from it, but Harry still hasn’t finished. It’s your turn to be the partner coaxing the other to get off. “Faster, Har. Want you to cum too.” He grunts, picking back up the pace. He had slowed to let you ride out your stay. “That’s it...want you to cum in me. Your cock feels so fucking good.” You whine, meaning every word. He smiles again at you and closes his eyes, focusing on chasing his high. You watch as his smile widens to that open mouth grin, “Fuck,” he almost whispers. And there it is. There’s a twitch in his hips that mirrors his expression and then he’s pulling out and cumming on your back. His voice is now even lower and raspier than before as he babbles how good that was and how tight your pussy was. It was sweet nothings, but extremely explicit and you sighed heavily, feeling a small orgasm wash over you again. His final thrusts and voice pushing you off the cliff again easily.

The two of you take a minute to bring your breathing back to normal and Harry goes to clean your back off.

“So..how do you feel about maybe doing this regularly?” Harry asks sheepishly as he begins to pull his pants back on.

“Like a friends with benefits kind of thing? Or bandmates with benefits, rather.” You laugh breathlessly at your not really funny joke, but you’re now truly exhausted. From the show and the fuck, you felt thouroughly worked out.

“I guess that’s what it is, yeah.”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

“You’re honestly so chill, Y/N. It’s fuckin’ hot.”

You laugh and flip your hair dramatically. You’re only in your bra and panties right now and Harry licks his lips, finding your playfulness to be a turn on. “What can I say?” You laugh.

“But like I said before...it’s just sex.” He’s buttoning up his shirt and looking at your reflection through the mirror now. He watches you slip the pants you had been wearing back on.

“Oh, Harold, I know.” On cue, he groans and turns around to face you after fixing his mused hair in the mirror. Interrupting yourself, you turn your back to Harry, “Can you tie this, sorry it’s hard for me to get the -” Harry walks to you without any hesitation and begins tying the silk ribbons on the back of your shirt. “Thanks. Anyway,” you turn to face him when he’s finished and you place both of your palms on his chest. “Trust me, I know you’ve got your issues and I’m not looking to be the girl that tries to change you. I know what this is. I only ask that you let me know when you sleep with other people, because once you do, you won’t need me.” Harry nods and you pat your hands against him. You both smile and go your separate ways when you leave the dressing room.

Harry and you fucked almost every night on tour. Sometimes it was right after, on the counter in his dressing rooms. Sometimes it was later in the evening in his hotel room or yours. He stopped leaving immediately after your hook ups. He never kicked you out of his room so he decided it was fine for him to stay in yours. Especially because you weren’t a stranger who would be weird with him in the morning. He also didn’t like trekking through the hotel halls late at night.

The first few times you stayed in the same bed, the two of you stayed on opposite sides of the bed, not touching after you were finished engaging in your sexual endeavours. Rigid bodies against the edges of the mattress. Then one particularly long night, filled with multiple rounds, Harry was so exhausted from his performance on stage and off that he collapsed on top of you. He fell asleep there and you didn’t particularly mind. It felt nice to be slightly compressed and held. He shifted in his sleep and when he woke up he wasn’t upset to find you nestled into his side with his arms wrapped around you. After that, cuddling sort of became part of the routine. After you were done having sex, Harry or you would get up to clean up and bring back waters. Then you would settle in his arms. Sometimes in a spooning position and sometimes you cradled softly into his chest. You didn’t talk about it, it just happened.

One night it was your head directly on top of his butterfly tattoo, one leg thrown over his lower torso and your arm snuggly wrapped around his middle. He liked to pet your hair when you laid against his chest in that way. His fingers would fiddle with the strands and you liked it because he usually took off his rings before he would do it and his hands felt so soft and delicate against you. Harry liked the way he felt when he would hold you afterwards. It was calming to fall asleep against your soft skin and feel your fingertips trace lyrics to songs he wasn’t sure the name of against his own.

No one knew about how your friendship with Harry worked. To the rest of the world, you seemed to be someone who had become another close friend in the band. You were similar to Mitch in many respects. Except for when Harry winked at you during a show, it wasn’t a friendly wink, it was a ‘this song makes me horny and I can’t wait to relieve the pressure by fucking you later’ kind of wink. You knew this because Harry had gone over and whispered it in your ear during a quick break, when you had only looked at him weirdly after he did it.

Before the show tonight, you pulled Harry aside, “So what are we thinking tonight? I feel like I might want to ride you...Haven’t been on top in a while.” In the darkness of the backstage, you crane your neck to take Harry’s earlobe between your teeth. He groans softly and grips your hips to guide them against his for a second. “Sounds fuckin’ fantastic, love.” You twitch back, releasing him immediately at the word. You always told him not to call you that and he tried to reason with you, that it was just something he called people. But you disliked it a lot, adding it to the growing list of rules the pair of you had for the do’s and don'ts of being friends with benefits with each other.

“Harold,” you groan and he steps back at that pet name. While he hated this, you refused to let him put it on the list because it didn’t cross any lines with your physical arrangement. Not that there was any physical list to put it on, it was more of a theoretical list that the two of you would speak of occasionally.

“Sorry.” He says eventually, “Didn’t mean it.” You both laugh.

You think about how other relationships were sometimes desperate to hear their partner express their love for them and you believe you’re grateful for the simplicity of your arrangement. The term relationship regarding what you and Harry were doing was also in the ‘don’t’ category on the list. If either of you were being honest, there should be no need for a list and you should be questioning yourselves why you felt the need to set boundaries if one part of it was physical and the other part was your friendship and job. If it truly was just physical why were boundaries constantly needing to be set and followed? But right now honesty was not in the cards.

After the show Harry gets delayed with press or fans or something that you don’t really care about. You barely read the text that he sends, only caring about the ‘sorry got held up’ and the ‘be there in thirty’.

You let yourself into his room and wait on the bed, flipping through your phone, completely unbothered by the rest of the world. When you hear a knock on the door, you don’t think twice about getting up and opening the door. You only realize your terrible mistake when it’s Mitch and not Harry standing at what you’re also just realizing isn’t your door, but instead Harry’s.

“Shit!” you say under your breath as Mitch looks at you confused.

The room is dark behind you because Harry would have just entered and gotten down to business. He might turn on a side lamp, but you hadn’t felt the need to have light on while you waited. Forgetting all of that, you had just gone to the door and opened it.

Mitch tucks some of his hair behind his ear as he stares at you. “Is Harry here?”

“Er..No?” It comes out as a question. You rub the back of your ankle with your foot, feeling nervous.

“Is he actually not here or?” Mitch trails off, narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, no he’s really not here. I’m waiting for him, too.” You rush your words, but try to remain calm.

“You have a key to his room. And you’re waiting in the dark.” He says. They’re not questions and you’re not sure just how guilty you look.

“Yeah!” You try to come up with a non suspicious response, hoping there’s a way to still salvage your’s and Harry’s secret, “He gave me his key because he wanted to talk about something and I kept it dark because my eyes always hurt after shows. Kind of like a migraine.” You scratch at your head and smile, trying to convince Mitch. He seems to believe you as he nods slowly and opens his eyes more.

There’s a little bit of an awkward silence and Mitch shifts his weight between his feet, looking at you still. Just as you're about to invite Mitch to come wait inside with you, Harry steps out of the elevator and begins to walk down the hall. His key card is already in hand and your eyes widen. Harry’s expression mirrors yours when he realizes Mitch is standing outside of his door and that you are standing with him. “Mitch!” Harry says, placing his hand on Mitch’s shoulder and sliding his key card into his back pocket with the other. Mitch turns to Harry without seeing him put away the other key card and you look at the pair of them.

“I was just telling Mitch how you gave me your key card so we could talk about...that thing.” You interject, flicking the lights on in Harry’s room as casually as possible. Harry shoots you a look about how you couldn’t come up with an actual reason for being there. You shrug your shoulders helplessly.

Mitch looks between the two of you and feels some weird tension and he’s not sure if it's always there and he’s just noticing or if something is going on right now.

“Yeah, well, I came to stop by to talk about the riff in Canyon Moon. Something is wonky with it.”

“Oh! Sure,” Harry nods to Mitch and then glances at you, “Y/N, we can talk about that other thing later. It’s not that important anyway.” His tone is so casual and nonchalant. You stare at him, thinking he can’t be serious. You had been almost sure he would send Mitch away, but instead you were being kicked to the curb. When he doesn’t say sike or anything of the sort, you nod. “Okay,” then you mumble a ‘good luck’ with figuring out the problem with the song. Mitch walks in the door, but Harry’s eyes stay fixed on your figure retreating down the hallway. He watches you disappear and is only pulled from his thoughts when Mitch calls his name from the couch in the room.

After reaching your floor, you key into your room and get ready for bed. Just as you’re about to drift off to sleep, completely alone for once in a long time, there’s another knock. This time you check the peephole, a habit you realized you were going to have to get better at. It’s Harry. You open the door and walk away immediately once he’s entered the room.

“Why are you here?”

“Thought we could still...” He follows you into the room, trying to make out your face in the darkness.

“I’m not in the mood anymore.” Your tone gives away your annoyance. You couldn’t hide that you were mad at Harry for sending you away. It made you feel weird. The way he did it so easily made you feel like you were extremely disposable and unwanted.

“I’m sorry,” he sighs as he lays down beside you. You turn to face him when he places a hand on the small of your back. You’re face to face and your noses are almost brushing. It’s not really possible to see each other’s features, but after months of hooking up you knew each other’s faces pretty well. You could reach out and pinpoint all of Harry’s freckles and moles on his face and neck right now and be correct. He could likely do the same. The theory is proven correct when he reaches out and his hand dances down your cheek. “Just thought it would be less suspicious if I didn’t get rid of him. Couldn’t make him wait either…”

“I know,” your voice is small and soft, just above a whisper, “I forgive you.” You scoot closer to him and Harry instinctively wraps his arm around you, bringing you tightly into him. You sigh into his neck and he shivers at your warm breath on his slightly clammy skin. When you lick your lips, they brush lightly against his skin. He laughs at the feeling, so you decide to press an intentional kiss to the hollow in his neck. In response, he presses a kiss to your hairline, his lips slightly chapped after the concert.

The kisses are tender, filled with that thing neither of you dare attribute to anything the two of you did in the dark. The word you told him time and time again to not call you. So is just about every touch and word that has been exchanged in this room since Harry entered it. You fall asleep wrapped up in his arms, a soft smile resting on both of your faces. Neither of you seem to mind that you didn’t actually have sex tonight or anything even close to it.

When you wake up you feel especially well rested. You shift around and realize your bed is empty besides you. It depended on the day, but it was always a toss up between Harry being there when you woke up or not. However, lately, you had found it was usually the former. You would linger longer and so would Harry in each other’s rooms, lounging in each other’s embrace under the soft glow of the morning light peaking through whatever windows the room had. Today you were cold at his absence. Then you look up and realize you aren’t completely alone. Harry is standing at the end of your bed, staring down at his phone, smiling.

“Hey.”

You wait for his reply, but he doesn’t look up from his phone. “Hey, Harold,” you repeat. His head snaps up, a grimace on his face at the name. He slips his phone in his pocket and ruffles his hair. “Hey.” He finally responds. “I’m gonna head out.”

“Okay.”

Neither of you seem to find it necessary to talk about what happened last night. Harry definitely seemed a little off to you this morning, but you try to shake it from your thoughts. There was no reason to be upset with him being quiet. He didn’t owe you anything, you hadn’t even slept together last night, so if anything it was weird he stayed as long as he did.

It was the second night at the Forum in Los Angeles. This means no travelling necessary. No day off either, tomorrow you’d have a day off before the third and final show at the venue though.

Harry and you were talking normally at the venue, mostly about the setlist - him and Mitch had changed something for whatever reason last night, which was fine. Your banter was to a minimum, but you were trying to convince yourself that nothing was off. Even though it felt like something was different, you couldn’t place your finger on what it was, so you thought it was best to ignore it.

When Harry is about to go out on stage, you don’t pull him aside and when he introduces the members of the band to the audience, he doesn’t say anything fun or silly about you. He doesn’t wink or come up to you at any point in the performance. It’s so unusual the rest of your bandmates are giving you funny looks. Charlotte looks at you from across your keyboard in a way that she’s asking if you’re okay. You shake your head at everyone trying to signal that you’re fine.

Mitch goes over to Harry and whispers in his ear to check in with him, Harry looks at him with a bright smile on his face and says “of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Mitch looks between the pair of you, thinking back to last night and how weird the pair of you were being then. Maybe it dawns on him then what might be going on between the two of you, but if he did, he wouldn’t mention it for a long time.

You falter a bit on your back up vocals tonight. You’re trying to give it your all, like always, but for some reason your voice isn’t sounding the way you want it. About halfway through the show, when your voice comes out the exact opposite of how you would like, Harry finally gives you a second glance. His face practically emotionless, save for the single arched brow. He’s concerned, but not concerned enough where he would go over to you. He just doesn’t understand why you keep missing the right note tonight. You make a shake of your hand to say I don’t know either. He just shrugs and turns back around to continue the show, his lively smile returning while he turns his head.

After the show, Charlotte, Sarah, and you are all checking in, going over what had happened during the show in general. They’re both worried about your voice and you’re simply trying to tell them that it was just an off night. Nothing was wrong. As long as you told everyone else that, then it might turn out to be true.

“It’s fine, maybe I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you fib, having gotten more sleep last night than most other nights on this tour. They both nod, seeming to take that as a reasonable answer.

Then Charlotte gets quieter as she whispers to the three of you, “Did you guys notice anything weird with Harry? He was super lively, but he barely interacted with you, Y/N, which is so unlike him...”

Sarah nods while you look skeptically on. Sarah adds, “He kept looking up to the boxes, too. More than usual at least. I don’t know though…” She trails off and you cross your arms over your chest, not really enjoying the conversation topic. “I mean, what do you think, Y/N?” Sarah adds.

Your eyes dance between the two women, your fellow bandmates, your friends. You sometimes wished you could share with them what you were doing with Harry. The secret was fun, but it’s also nice to be able to share with your girlfriends about the guy you’re seeing, even if it is a casual thing. The friendly gossip of it all is something fun to share, but sadly that was another thing you couldn’t do. You sigh, “You never really know what’s going on in his mind, y’know. He’s just Harry.” Your response is half-assed at best. You figure they’ll both give you shit for the non-answer you just supplied, but instead someone else speaks for them.

“I am in fact, just Harry.” He says and you swivel around to find yourself almost chest to chest with him. Charlotte laughs while Sarah simply smiles. Your eyes are huge as you stare up at him and you hope your blush doesn’t come out too strongly after being caught talking about Harry by himself. “Enlighten me on when I was being ‘just Harry’ though?” You bite your lip and take a step back from him, forming more of a line with the other women. He shrugs when no one offers a response, laughing lightly.

“Oh and Y/N, I can’t talk about that thing again tonight, I’ve got-”

“A date?” Charlotte asks, trying to understand why Harry was acting a little different tonight still. The part that Sarah had mentioned about him looking up into the boxes had given her the idea that he might have plans with someone after the show. Harry scratches his head, his hair slightly wet with sweat right after the show. He’s taken off his coat so he’s just in the almost completely unbuttoned, sweat soaked shirt he had been wearing underneath. It sticks tight to his skin and you can make out all the muscle lines that hide beneath the fabric that you usually get to caress. Your eyes flit from his body back to his face when he speaks again.

“Erm, I wasn’t going to phrase it like that...but yes, I suppose, it’s a date.” He says finally, he avoids your eye contact and you look at him very confused, trying to hide the hurt. He shoves his hands in his pockets trying to look and sound as casual as possible and ignore the strain he sees on your face. Is that what had held him up yesterday? Making plans with someone else? And he hadn’t told you until now? The past twenty four hours stung a little bit more now that you knew why Harry was being so distant. It simply felt icky finding out this way and it didn’t even seem like he was going to tell you it was a date.

“Okay,” you say simply and walk away. You hear Charlotte asking him details about his date, but you try actively not to hear any of it. Sarah watches you walk away and sees the way you wrap your arms around yourself to comfort you. She feels a twinge of sadness as she watches the scene unfold, seeing something she hadn’t realized was there before.

Harry doesn’t text or call you that night. You hang out with everyone else for a little while in Charlotte’s room before heading to bed, saying you think you need an early night tonight. Before you’re able to walk out of the door, Mitch stops you. “I heard Harry blew off whatever conversation the two of you have been trying to have again. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” You try to smile but it comes out as more of a grimace. There is no conversation Harry is blowing off, it’s simply you. “It’s fine. Like he said yesterday, it’s not important.” Mitch nods, but still looks at you with concern. What he had seen last night, then on stage today, and what Sarah had told him about your interaction after the show it all strung together in his mind. It didn’t seem unimportant at all. But he didn’t know how he could tell you that. He felt like he should talk to Harry about the way you looked when you left Charlotte’s room tonight, but he didn’t know how to bring it up to him either.

You don’t realize you’re crying until you're in the elevator, and it’s slowly rising to your floor of the hotel. You’re only one level up, but it feels like an eternity in there. You already weren’t a fan of elevators, but this ride felt impossibly worse. The walls are all made up of mirrors and you see yourself in the reflection, but you don’t exactly recognize the girl in there. Your eyes are tired from the show, dark circles already formed. Your hands are aching, clenching and unclenching on their own accord. Your body is slumped against the back wall, likely leaving a slight imprint from the smoke residue and dust on your clothes. Worst of all are the tears running down your face, smudging at your makeup, the black mascara you had applied dripping down in sinister raindrops against your skin. The sad girl stares back at you as you sniffle slightly, confused at what you’re seeing. “Why are you crying?” you ask yourself, your voice creaking and then breaking at the end as you struggle to get out the word ‘crying’ before a sob wracks through you. You roll your eyes when your reflection offers no explanation for itself. You laugh at your own patheticness and try to shake the feelings you’re experiencing.

Inside your room now, you flop on the bed and stare straight up at the ceiling. Your arms spread to your sides and your legs lay limply below you. You think about every night before last, every night since the tour started. Every night where you weren’t alone, where you were with Harry. Your mind flits to last night, how Harry’s lips had ghosted over your skin after his apology. How you had told him you forgave him and it had felt so peaceful, so simple. It was all so easy. Thinking about him and the things the two of you did together brought a smile to your face, unbeknownst to you. When you realize it’s there, your face drops immediately, deciding not to think about Harry.

But trying to not think about Harry makes you only think about him more and what you think about him now most definitely doesn’t bring a smile to your face. You’re thinking about him out on his date with some person you chose to learn nothing about. Maybe out of fear of what is happening right now. By knowing nothing about the person, you can’t compare yourself to them. Can’t see what’s different about them that would make Harry go out on a date with them. But it doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like because at the end of it all you know one thing for certain. They’re not you. You correct yourself, you know two things actually, because you also know that Harry chose to be with them instead of you tonight.

You fall asleep with tear stained cheeks that night and absolutely nothing positive on your mind. You want to sleep but know it only brings whatever is bound to happen tomorrow, which doesn’t seem very promising.

It’s noon when you wake up and you wake to a knocking on your door. You grumble and throw a sweatshirt over your body to hide the underwear you slept in. Not remembering your new habit, you swing the door open without any hesitation to find Harry. He looks wide awake and happy, the way he almost always looks, a fresh beautiful flower of a man. You look at him groggily, “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Because I was asleep?” You tilt your head and look at him incredulously. “What about this,” you gesture to your appearance, “looks like I just went for a 3 mile jog for fun and I love the morning?”

“Can I come in?” He ignores everything you just said and enters the room when you leave the door to get back in bed. You often did that with him, you don’t know why, but when he asked to come in the room it was just simpler to let him in then say anything. He knew what you meant.

He sits at the edge of the bed as you reclaim your spot in the middle of it, tucked slightly under the covers, but still sitting up. “How was your date?” You try to sound nonchalant and it seems to work. Harry doesn’t notice your tense figure, but you notice how he tenses up when you ask.

“Good…Her name was-” You don’t let him finish, you already know the answer to this next question and you don’t need her name in order to ask it, “Did you fuck her?”

He’s silent, green eyes staring straight at you. You meet his gaze, your eyes almost burning holes into him. His eyes are begging you to not make him answer the question, he doesn’t want this to end, even if he also didn’t want the commitment he had felt himself exhibiting the other night.

When he had come to your room the other night after Mitch had almost caught you, he knew he shouldn’t have stayed. He didn’t want you to feel bad so he had come to apologize, but when the pair of you didn’t have sex, he should have left. But he didn’t, he stayed and it wasn’t for you, it was for himself. It was for him to hold you in his arms because he liked to. But when he woke up the next morning he knew he needed to leave. Solely cuddling wasn’t part of your arrangement together. It’s probably on the list of don'ts that the pair of you had. So after he realized the line he had willingly crossed with you, he quickly sent a text to Jeff who had tried to set him up with a model they were acquaintances with the night before - the reason he had gotten held up. Harry had initially declined, not very interested in seeing anyone else but you. But looking back on that choice in the light of day seemed to solidify what this relationship was - a relationship - and Harry didn’t like that. The commitment wasn’t part of the plan, so he told Jeff to set that date up for after the second show at the Forum and give the woman a ticket. That’s why he was smiling at his phone the morning after only cuddling with you, that’s why he didn’t joke around with you during the show, and that’s why he wasn’t in your bed last night.

You watch him expectantly, silently waiting for his answer, your veins cold as ice. He finally starts his answer and he wants to make it clear that it wasn’t as good with the other woman, but he’s not sure how to work that part in. He’s not sure how to explain to you it meant nothing if your arrangement also apparently meant nothing. You barely even let him get in a sentence. “Yes, but it was just a one time-”

“Alright.”

“What?” He doesn’t understand what you mean when you nod your head and cut him off.

“I told you at the beginning, Harry. Tell me when you sleep with someone else because when you do this is over. It doesn’t matter if she’s the love of your life or a one night stand. I will not be a backup plan, so if you’re able to find other people to sleep with, you don’t need to be sleeping with me.”

He sits in silence for a moment, his jaw dropped open slightly. He’s unable to keep it shut as his mind races about what to say. “Are you mad with me?”

“No, I’m fine. This was just sex. Charlotte will be happy that I’ll be going out with her more.”

Harry’s brow furrows as you shift away from him on the bed, grabbing your phone and beginning to flick through it. You feel numb and you’d like to not think about why.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks because he does care about you, worry is written all over his face. He just can’t commit, not now.

“What would I be mad about, Harry?” You look up and your eyes widen at him, silently asking him to truthfully say why you should be so upset about this revelation. You always knew it would eventually come to an end, you just hadn’t expected so soon. You hadn’t known the last time would be the last time and it broke your heart even if you knew it shouldn’t.

He shifts to reach his hand out to touch your exposed knee. You move away from him and he sighs, looking exasperated. “I- I don’t know. It just seems like we should talk about this.”

“You didn’t even think it was necessary to tell me you were going on a date last night, so I think it’s best if we just left it at ‘it’s fine, see you around’.”

He spreads his hands out across the sheets, examining his rings and painted nails thoroughly. You’re right, he doesn’t really want to talk about this. Well, more so, he’s conflicted. He would like to talk enough that you want to continue your arrangement but he doesn’t want to talk about feelings or emotions. Even if he has those feelings and emotions, they’re just not part of the things he’d like to talk about. “But-” You set your phone down at his first word, “Were you even going to tell me you fucked someone else today if Charlotte hadn’t asked you if it was a date last night? Would you just have come to my room tonight and acted like nothing had changed?”

“I would have told you.”

“Sure.”

“I swear I would’ve. I would never break a promise to you.”

“But you would make a decision that affects the both of us without telling me until afterwards?” Your voice breaks a little and you beg yourself not to cry right now.

“I thought you said this was just sex?”

You laugh humorlessly, in disbelief, “Of course it’s not, Harry! And it hasn’t been for a long time and that’s why you got scared and went and fucked someone else.” He looks at you blankly, unsure what to say, knowing you’re right. You continue, “But I also told you at the beginning of this, that I wasn’t going to try to change you. So this is me not trying to change you.” You sigh when he still says nothing, his expression completely unreadable, even to you. “Why couldn’t you have left it at ‘it’s fine’?” You say finally, barely above a whisper.

He blinks a few times after your final question. He flexes his hand one more time and then stands up from the bed. He adjusts his clothes and stares at you. You feel helpless, but you’re still trying to look pulled together, even after your outburst. You stare back. A thousand words floating through your heads, all the things you want to say and likely never will.

“I know, I’m…” he pauses, trying to get himself to say it, but he can’t. He can’t admit that he’s completely ruined whatever messed up paradise you had created together. “I’ll see you later.”

The apology or lack there of hangs in the air as he walks silently out your door. You don’t move, you barely even blink, still staring at the spot he had just occupied. Your breath finally escapes you, a large sigh. Then some nervous laughter. It was over...just like that. But things like this, left like this are never really over.

It’s awkward for a good amount of the rest of the tour. You hang out with your bandmates more and Harry rarely ever comes out with them after the shows. He either hangs out with Mitch on his own or is going out with random people he knows on the road. You and him speak, but it’s never a lot or about anything relatively meaningful. It’s not the fun back and forth of before or the fiery heat of sneaking around. You try to be normal with him, act like his casual friend and bandmate.

He does his best to do the same, but it’s difficult for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you anymore. He misses being with you, but can’t bring himself to fix it. He doesn’t do much to right his wrongs with you. He also doesn’t even know what he would want if he did apologize. It scared him to think about the step that came after ‘sorry’ so he saved himself the trouble and never did that part either. One night he texts you: “I’m trying, it’s just hard.” and that’s it. You don’t give him a response, he doesn’t need one. You know he’s trying and he knows you know.

Near the end of the tour, he comes out with the rest of you for drinks one night. Only Mitch is between the two of you in the booth, so you feel closer to Harry than you’ve felt in a long time. The group of you are chatting and having a good time. You somehow get onto a story from when you were still in college. You explain how you had narrowly avoided getting Chlamydia right before your Christmas break junior year. You act out the conversations you imagined would have happened at all your Christmas events if you had indeed gotten it. Your impressions of your mother, father, and sister have everyone laughing the most. Harry is shaking with laughter from your story and you smile at him in appreciation when he says, “That is the funniest story I’ve heard in a long fucking time.”

The rest of the night goes really well, for the most part. No one bickers or is short with each other. Everyone is laughing and drinks are flowing. Eventually Mitch gets up to go to the bathroom and you feel Harry slide back into the booth closer to you after letting Mitch out. Your hand had taken up residence next to your thigh, resting on the vinyl of the booth. You sense something next to it now and notice Harry’s hand is resting close beside it. He shifts his hand closer when he sees that you’re looking down at it. He’s almost touching you and you look up to his eyes, wondering if he’ll close the distance. He makes an imperceptible shake of his head, but you know what he means. As you’re about to shift your hand so that your pinky connects with his, Mitch returns and your head shoots up to his figure. You instantly remove your hand from the vinyl and shift closer to Charlotte. Harry gets up, but doesn’t sit back down once Mitch is settled. He instead walks off to get another drink, risking one last look at the table where he makes eye contact with you, but he doesn’t come back. Mitch informs everyone that Harry went back to the hotel because “he was tired” after Harry doesn’t return and Mitch gets a text. You roll your eyes, sure that you saw him slip out of the side door with a woman he found at the bar after he had gotten his drink. If that’s what ‘tired’ looked like on Harry, it was fine.

You start to speak to Harry on a more regular basis after that night out. It’s not funny or lighthearted. It’s just ‘I saw this song the other day, thought you might like to listen’. It went back and forth, it wasn’t everyday but it was something. The last text between the two of you before you began sharing songs again was his ‘I’m trying it’s just hard’ text that he had sent randomly one night. Then after one of you would listen, you would see each other at sound check and mention the song and what you thought about it. It can be noted that it was Harry who sent the first song.

For Harryween, Adam couldn’t be there. He has some family emergency the day of and doesn’t come with the rest of you to Madison Square Garden or the hotel you were staying at. Thankfully, Charlotte also plays keys and you can play bass. The band had to shift around some things on stage and make minimal changes to the setlist since you weren’t rehearsed on the covers Harry was doing. You spent the whole day running through the chords of those songs with Mitch, trying to memorize them so you didn’t mess it up during the show.

It was weird because for Harryween the setlist was switched up a little from the regular set for Love On Tour. Harry was playing the entire new album as well as half of the first album, Medicine, some of his other unreleased stuff, and about six covers, including old One Direction songs. It was going to be a long show and a challenge for you.

Before the show, Harry pulls you aside, to a dark corner backstage, and your mind flits back to the last time you had been in this type of position. The last time he had called you ‘love’, the last time you bit his earlobe - which always drove him crazy, the last time he ground his hips against yours, those and more and you had no idea that it was the last. By then you had already had sex with Harry for the last time, kissed his lips for the last time. It made your heart race to be so close to him and so alone once again. But it’s nowhere near the same as it once was. You shake the memories from your mind and look up expectantly at him.

“Have you got this?” He asks seriously, tone concerned. Of course it’s a music question, nothing more. Like it always was now.

“Yeah, of course.” His stare is unwavering and you try not to falter from it.

“I can get someone else to cover tomorrow, it was just such a short notice today. You know bass really well too, it made sense.”

“I’ve got this. Seriously, don’t worry, Harold.” You pat his chest lightly and for once Harry smiles at the sound of your nickname for him. You had stopped using it after the end of your arrangement. It never felt right to use when you were talking about music, and that was about the only time you had been talking. In this moment though, it felt right. His warm, large hands held your upper arms as you stared up into his big eyes. You missed staring into them, the shimmering emerald of his irises were constantly intriguing. You instinctively reach up to move back a curl that has fallen onto his forehead. He doesn’t shy away from your touch and continues to smile down at you.

“Y’haven’t called me that in forever.” He grins, his lips a shiny pink from the lip balm he had on.

“No, I suppose I haven’t. But where was the groan? The whole point is to annoy you.” You smile coyly. He tips his head back and laughs, releasing your arms from his grasp as he laughs wholeheartedly.

Then he does a soft groan, a playful sound, “How was that?”

“Eh. I’ll give you a four out of ten. Not enough emotion behind it.” You slide from the area the two of you have been occupying and make your way onto the stage to start dealing with the bass you would be playing. You hear Harry call out to you, “I think I deserve at least a five, maybe even a six!” You turn back for a second to look at him with an unimpressed expression and shake your head no. He laughs again and you hear him even when you walk out onto the stage. You smile to yourself as you pick up the bass.

When he introduces the band, he waits to talk about you last. “And sadly this evening Mr. Adam Prentergest, our usual fabulous bassist, was unable to attend our fancy dress party! However! Our lovely Y/N L/N is also a superb bassist and was kind enough to step into his place. - Anything to add?” He saunters across the stage to you and you laugh kindly, feeling at ease in this part of the stage even though you were usually on the opposite side and further back from the crowd. You nod at Harry and he leans his portable mic towards your lips. You wet them quickly and eye Harry before turning out to the crowd. “Just please go easy on me if the bass sounds a bit wonky. It wasn’t on the job description that I’d be playing songs I didn’t know, with a few hours notice, on not my main instrument.” You say this in a kind of list format, holding up your fingers as you tick off all the ways that this was out of your comfort zone. You scratch your head dramatically after you’re finished and the whole crowd laughs and cheers. The rest of your bandmates chuckle along and Harry nods and smiles at you.

“You’ll do great, love.” He leans into your ear and says without the microphone. Then he winks and turns to go back to the center of the stage. You press your lips together to contain your smile, both happy and concerned about the flip your stomach just did.

The show is going great. Harry is killing it with the crowd. Everything is electric. You’re entirely focussed on your bass playing, but Harry has been coming over every so often to do something fun or have you tell a joke.

“She’s truly the funniest person I know! And I know a fair amount of people I think.” Harry says as he walks over to you have you tell another joke. Mitch has been looking at you and Harry interacting all night and he’s sure that it isn’t your different position that has him coming over and talking to you so much tonight. Something has definitely changed once again. First the pair of you were always together and having fun, then it was silence and stolen glances that neither of you realized you were taking, now it was back to the beginning.

“That’s because you think puns are part of the top tier levels of comedy.” You say easily, “Here, I can guarantee Harry will love this and the rest of you will likely groan.” Then you stop and act as if you’re thinking for a little, everyone’s waiting expectantly. “Sorry, thinking...Well, I’ve got some skeleton puns I could do, they’re very humerus or y’know classic vampire ones..eh but those ones kind of suck. What do you think, Harry?” You look out at the crowd, face deadpan, as Harry laughs beside you. You roll your eyes playfully and push him back to the center of the stage. Leaning into your own mic now, you say, “I told you.” That’s when everyone laughs. Harry throws another look at you over his shoulder and laughs a little more, his smile wide and eyes bright.

A little over half way through the night, it’s time for ‘to be so lonely’. You already knew the bass chords for it before today and you were confident in yourself by now. It wasn’t as hard a song so you were happy for the little break. This song allowed you to not be looking down at the notes you had stuck to the floor in front of you. Harry’s voice comes in after Mitch’s intro and you watch the way his lips move against his mic. You laugh a little as you watch the crowd yell the first “arrogant son of a bitch” line. You used to not particularly like when people did that, but after it had ended with Harry you had started to enjoy it a bit more. Having those people yell the words you couldn’t, but truly felt about him sometimes, was cathartic. Tonight you weren’t angry with him, but you enjoyed the energy in the room when everyone said it. We’ve all got our own ‘arrogant son of a bitch’ that we want to scream at sometimes. Tonight yours wasn’t Harry for the first time in a long time. The song moves along and Harry takes the microphone off its stand, he walks towards your side of the stage. When the lyrics get to:

“I miss the shape of your lips, your wit, it’s just a trick, this is it so I’m sorry”

Harry isn’t looking at the crowd, he’s looking straight at you. You don’t understand the way he’s looking at you. Or maybe you don’t want to understand it. This song, its lyrics, explains Harry really well. You saw the relationship you had with him in the words. Maybe not precisely, but a part of it was in it. Harry had unknowingly foretold your lives with his words. You know he has trouble connecting and committing, you know his issues, and you accept them. But you knew what had happened between the two of you was far more serious than meaningless sex and you knew Harry couldn’t bring himself to be that serious. He ran off and that was fine, but the face that he couldn’t even apologize hurt you the most. But the song lays it all out for you, he’s not one to be able to apologize quickly. The fact that he looks at you and means the apology he sings in the song for you, it’s a big step, but it’s not enough. The banter, the technical apology, it was all a good start, but it’s just that - the beginning. If Harry wants to make things better with you, a lot more needs to be discussed. So when you sing backing vocals for the following chorus you mean the words for Harry completely.

“Don’t call me baby again, you got your reasons, I know that you’re trying to be friends. I know you mean it, but don’t call me baby again it’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely”

His eyes flick to you again and see your lips moving around the words as you play the bass. He sees the emotion in your face and understands what you’re saying. It’s hard for you to go to your room at night and be alone while he’s out with someone else. It’s hard for him to act like everything’s all fine and perfect, back to normal, because for you it isn’t really. He can’t call you ‘love’ and tell the world you’re funny and expect it to be enough. He can’t sing his sorry that was initially for someone else to you and expect you to accept it. And he knows it, too.

After the show everyone decides they’re exhausted and need to rest before tomorrow. You all planned to celebrate the whole day and you knew it was going to be a wicked Halloween. Knowing this, you’re surprised with the knock on your door after about an hour of being back at the hotel. You’ve given up the habit you had once hoped to cultivate and swing the door open haplessly. Truly having no idea who to expect, you are still surprised to find the man standing before you.

“Mitch.”

“We need to talk.” He stares down at you, his shoulders slumped from tiredness.

“Come in,” you usher him in when you hear the urgency of his voice. He saunters in before you and you close the door. You move to the small couch in the room and sit down. Your hands gesture for him to sit as well, but he shakes his head. He stays standing and brings a hand up to smooth his hair back on the right side. His eyes staying on the floor and flickering up to you every so often.

“What is going on with you and Harry?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on Y/N. You’re seemingly best friends with him for a good portion of tour, then you’re barely on speaking terms for the second half, now you’re joking around again. What is going on?”

You sit there in a stunned silence, “I don’t know what to say.” Your arms go to hug your body, feeling anxious about being confronted about this topic.

“Were you seeing each other?” His voice is soft, eyes taking in your body language and knowing it’s a difficult topic.

“I wouldn’t put it like that…”

He holds back the ‘I knew it’ statement because of how sullen you look, b..ut in his mind all of the pieces he had watched unfold came to fit in a perfect puzzle. He decides to sit beside you when you don’t say anything else.

“We were having sex,” it felt weird to say it out loud, no one but you and Harry had actually known, “But it ended. I don’t know what today was...but it felt different than how it’s been.”

“Why are you so sad if it was just sex?” He places a hand on your shoulder and your tear-filled eyes meet his. “Oh…” He knows why.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” You sob at his apology because he’s not the one who should be at your door apologizing. You sniffle and lean your head into his chest. He takes you into his arms and holds you as your cries become muffled sounds in his shirt.

You cry without words for a few minutes, Mitch coos some soothing words, his voice soft and kind. He was always a good shoulder to cry on for all of your bandmates, he was extremely strong and you made a mental note to thank him thoroughly when you actually were capable of forming coherent thoughts. “I’ve never told anyone before. It feels so weird even saying it out loud,” you say as you pull back from Mitch’s embrace. You're thankful his shirt is black, no tear stains can be made out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks gently, gauging your reaction. You wipe at your eyes and nod.

Taking a deep breath, you decide to start from the beginning. “Do you remember the party Charlotte had a week before we left for tour?”

Mitch nods and his eyes widen at what you’re saying as he remembers the night. “It started back then?” He’s unable to contain his incredulous question. He had suspected something, but hadn’t thought it had been going on for that long. He was truly astounded. You nod, “Well sort of,” then you go on to recount the last couple of months. All the way up until the Forum shows. “That night, when I opened Harry’s door and it was you standing there...Harry and I didn’t have anything to discuss. It was just…” Mitch nods again. He hadn’t spoken much since you had gotten into the story, wanting to let you be in charge of what you were saying and believing he could probably ask questions at the end. “Then the next night he blew me off for his date with that model and I cried in the elevator because I knew what was going to happen next.”

“So that’s when it ended?” Mitch asks when you don’t speak for a rather extended period of time.

“Yeah, the next morning he came over and I asked if they had sex and he said yes so I told him it was over.”

“But I don’t get why he went out with that model. He had told me she wasn’t his type the night before…” Your eyes shot up and looked at Mitch. His eyes widened when he realized what he said.

“What?”

“When we were talking about Canyon Moon, he mentioned that Jeff had tried to set him up with some woman but he had declined. Said he wasn’t interested. I don’t get what changed between then and the next morning.” He figured it was best to put all the cards out on the table right now. You’d be going your separate ways for a while, now that the tour was over and he had seen how unhappy both you and Harry had been over the last part of the tour.

You shift your leg to have it folded beneath you as you continue to stare at Mitch. “He came over after you and him had your meeting,” you say quietly. Mitch hums, waiting for you to continue this time.

“He apologized for choosing you over me to talk to. Then we slept together, but we didn’t have sex...I think that’s what wigged him. It had felt too real, sleeping in the same bed with me without having sex beforehand made it feel like something more than just two people fulfilling needs.” Mitch nods and sighs heavily. He looks around the room and then back to you, taking in your full appearance. Again he feels terrible for you, how he had felt the second night at the Forum even though he hadn’t known the full story yet. “Now we’re here.”

“Tonight, it felt like he was trying,” Mitch finally said and you smiled sweetly, thinking back to Harry’s behavior. No matter how far from him you were, all those good feelings you associated with him never went away.

“Yeah, it’s been getting better. He texted me once saying he was trying. Then he came out with us one night and it almost seemed like that would be the night he’d apologize, but then he didn’t. Then we started sharing music with each other again. Then tonight… was tonight. It’s just confusing. He’s confusing.”

Mitch smiles sadly and brings you in for another hug and you’re actually so thankful he

showed up at your door. It was your first time telling anyone all of this, because Harry didn’t even know how you felt about some of these things. It felt amazing to be heard and to be told it was okay to be feeling like this.

Pulling back, Mitch says, “He’s definitely different. But his differences are what make him special and that’s why I think he clings to them even if they sometimes can hurt other people. The fact that he’s trying is a good sign. I hope he can find it in himself to make it right between you two because I had never seen either of you happier than when you were apparently together. Especially those few weeks leading up to Los Angeles. Sarah had kept asking me why Harry was so smiley back then. When I had asked him, he had just said “have you ever found something and realized you wanted to keep it with you forever?” I had no idea what he had meant, but I feel like he meant you now.”

Your awestruck at what Mitch has just told you. He was right about the first part about Harry trying to change, but the last bit, that’s what had left you speechless. You turn your body to face the rest of the room and put your chin against your hand as you think.

“Mitch...I have to go.”

He understands what you mean and you walk out of the door with him. He walks down the hall to his room and you walk quickly past the elevator and opt for the stairs. Before you know it you’re running up the stairs, taking two at a time even though you’re not the most athletically inclined. You can’t stand to wait for the elevator and your mind is racing.

You knock on the door that is Harry’s after reaching his floor. It swings open and reveals a confused and sleepy Harry. Thankfully he’s still fully dressed because that would have been a whole other problem you would have if he hadn’t been. You push past him and walk straight into his room without any invitation. He follows behind you, still unsure of why you’ve come here.

“Have you ever found something and realized you want to keep it forever?” You ask him, repeating the words Mitch had just told you.

“Pardon?”

“You told Mitch that about me before we ended things. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you do what you said?”

Harry sighs as the words register in his mind. The memory of when he had smiled at Mitch so giddily and asked the vague question, his thoughts only of you as he asked it. The shit-eating grin he had plastered on his face after Mitch had looked at him confusedly flitted across his mind. As well as the way he had gone to his dressing room and had a quickie with you after that conversation.

“It’s not that simple…”

“It is, Harry! Why can’t you just be honest with me for once?”

“Okay, fine. You want me to be honest?” you nod at his harsh tone. The two of you standing only a few feet apart. “You have no goddamn idea what you do to me, when I’m around you, I have no control of my emotions or of my thoughts. I pushed you away because I didn’t like feeling out of control. I got out because what had started as a fun time had turned into me longing to be with you every waking hour. I found myself not caring what we did as long as I got to hold you and be around you, but that wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Plans can change, Harry.”

You step closer to him and he meets your eyes. He had left his music playing softly on his phone before he had opened the door so now as the two of you stared at each other, he must have been playing his Etta James playlist because her voice faded out of the song “I’d Rather Go Blind” and straight into “A Sunday Kind of Love”. Harry had shared her At Last album with you over the Christmas holiday of last year and you had decided to listen to her entire discography afterwards, so you knew the songs. The transition was a little too on the nose and you wondered if Spotify ever listened to your conversations.

His emerald eyes examine your face and take inventory of your features, measuring whether anything had changed since he had looked at you this close up. Your hand goes up to cup his cheek and he nuzzles into it, dropping his head closer to you ever so slightly and closing his eyes at the feeling of you.

“I am sorry,” he whispers earnestly as he reopens his eyes.

You can’t take your eyes off of him even if you tried. He looks so soft in the moment, so vulnerable in this light as the music swells in the corner of the room. Etta sings about how she needs a love that is going to last as the pair of you inch yourselves closer together.

“I forgive you, Harry,” you whisper back.

He nudges his head further down and your lips finally press together, slotting back together after months apart. Your lips are eager to press back against their favorite companion. You oblige them, but pull back for a second, just far enough to say, “I will always forgive you, so long as you tell me when you’re scared so we can work through it together.”

He nods, “I promise to never let you go again.” Before taking you back against his lips and gathering your body up in his arms. His lips missing yours just as much.

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werelywrites · 2 years

Text

Anders x Reader. Family can’t leave well enough alone.

Hello! Tryna get back into writing! and it’s an Almighty Johnsons x reader fanfic!

What can I say @laurfilijames @blairsanne @sketch-and-write-lover

@i-did-not-mean-to and @midearthwritings all got me inspired to write something! Thank ya lovelies!! you guys inspire me and i ADORE yall! now, none of yall need to read this if ya donnae want to, thats not why i’m tagging yall. i’m just tagging yall cuz of the acknowledgement of how awesome and sweet yall are!!

A/N: I should let ya know that I’ve only just finished season one of Almight Johnsons so this takes place after season one since i don’t know the events after obviously. Also characters might be a bit OOC maybe? i’m rusty. Anders Johnson x Fem!Reader. implications of Dawn x Ty but only if ya lookin, I promise Midearthwritings, Ty can and is all yours!!!

Warnings: PG13. Some adult themes mentioned. i.e. sex, drugs, achohol. reader uses sign language too (you know, my usual brand of reader if youre familiar with my old writing) NO Y/N used (or anything of the like). I’m also terribly american so i’m unfamiliar with new zealand speech patterns, i’m sorry!!

I’m rusty at writing but enjoy!!

--------------------

Anders had been acting strange. Well, strange for Anders, normal for others, was the more accurate description.

Dawn had been seeing subtle signs of his abnormal behaviour but it was just that-subtle-that she wasn’t 100% sure what she was noticing was actually anything. So when she stopped by Ty’s business for lunch, Mike and Olaf were also there crushing his couches it seemed, she mentioned to them Anders’ behavior as of late to see if they’d validate her thoughts that he was, in fact, indeed acting strange.

The biggest tell was whenever Dawn and him would go to some PR function. Normally Anders would leave with someone else, even if Dawn was the one that drove with him to the party in the first place (he’d always let her know to get a cab though which she appreciated). But lately he’s leaving with her or separately, just not WITH anyone. At least no one that she encountered.

This behaviour wasn’t completely unheard of with him but it was only on occasion, but now it’s every time, at every party.

Oh, he was still a big flirt, that didn’t change. He’d be flirting up some model and she’d be getting a little too handsy with him that Dawn would think that they’d run off somewhere together to have sex, like he normally would do. But instead he’d back off and move on to socialize a different person, or just completely leave the party!

On top of that, he wouldn’t seem put out as if he somehow scored out. Quite the opposite, he always seemed to want to leave immediately, like he was impatient to be somewhere else.

Another thing she noticed was, although Anders is normally very secretive in the first place, he was even more so recently. She never really knew what Anders was up to until it became pertinent to her, so it wasn’t too terribly strange. Especially when it came to family stuff.

But at least when it was family stuff, Ty would let her know so she at least knew that Anders was doing something for/with the family. Recently though, he's been actively sneaking out. Practically always unavailable and it’s never for family stuff as it were.

The most subtle hint that something was off was he was smiling more, legitimately smiling too!

If Dawn hadn’t known him as well as she did she never would have noticed.

He’d be humming something while researching something for work. Suddenly would have a goofy smile while in the middle of paperwork. All small actions that Dawn would have thought, “they’re in love” with any other human being except Anders. And yet…

His brothers and cousin also seemed to agree that something was up to Anders, however they all chalked it up to that he must just be on some new drug or bringing in girls when Dawn’s not paying attention.

However they changed their mind immediately when Dawn threw in the big whammy of weirdness.

“That’s just how he is currently, you should have seen him just before. That was strange by itself but with how he’s acting now...Somethings wrong.” she said.

“Few months back, when you had suddenly dumped me for no reason,” she looked at Ty who gave her an apologetic look whilst squeezing her hand. “He was acting normal. A bit grumpy from something going on with you all. I imagine something was happening family wise at least since all of you were acting a bit strange.” Luckily, Dawn didn’t notice Ty cringing.

“After things seemed to smooth over whatever it was, a few weeks later, suddenly it was like he went cold turkey, he was extremely irritable and yet excited about something all the same.” She had a contemplated look for a moment before stating, “like how single people who haven’t been in a relationship in a while start dating someone, now that I think about it.”

Mike scoffed, “That’s not possible. Anders doesn’t do dating.”

“It’s how he was acting though! Or at least the only way to describe how he was acting... Anyways the oddest thing happened after that. I had stayed at the office real late one night to finish some work. Mrs. Clancey had some bad publicity stunt gone wrong and we, and by we, I mean me, had to dig into some camera files to...” Dawn looked up and saw Ty looking amused and Mike looking impatient, “not important, sorry tangent. I was staying late when Anders stumbled in real sloshed, but not his usual good mood way. He was grumbling and groaning saying things like “what’s he got that I don’t” and “I can’t change how I am” and quite frankly acting ‘oh woe is me’ and rejected. I have never seen him like that.” Which, going off of the exchanged shocked looks, they too never seen Anders like that. “He remembered nothing the next day and changed the subject when I tried to ask him where he was and what could have made him act so... rejected. Or dumped really, was close to how he was acting that evening.”

The four of them sat in silence taking in all the info Dawn had described.

It was then agreed that the second brother needed a little visit from everyone.

And that’s how they, along with Axl, found you. In Anders’ apartment.

Having a snack on the couch watching some show on the tv in comfy clothes as if you lived there. Eyes wide with surprise.

You obviously were caught off guard that anyone other than Anders had walked into the front door. You had hoped, in the back of your mind, that these people were friends of his. Seeing how they had a key.

Your shoulders relaxed once you saw Dawn though. You knew who she was and figured the others must also be friends or family. You wiped your fingers from your snack and waved, trying to alleviate the tension since they too seemed caught off guard by you as well.

Turning off the tv you rose up off your seat and signed, he’ll be home soon. You gestured towards the seats as you started to go towards the kitchenette before continuing, have a seat. I’ll get more snacks and drinks if you like?

With their now even further shock from seeing you signing at them, it dawned on you that these people don’t understand you. Idiot you signed to yourself.

“Uh hello. Is Anders in?” Ty’s eyes shifted to Dawn trying to see if she recognized you. In which she shook her head in negative.

You also shook your head while grabbing a notebook and pen nearby and let the arrivals know that Anders would be back shortly. You offered them drinks and snacks as well.

Olaf was the first to recover and agreed to a drink “we'll just wait for Anders.” He approached you with kindness in his eyes, “I’m Anders’ cousin, Olaf.” He offered his hand, which you took smiling up at him in greetings. He introduced the others as they too took seats in the living room. Writing in the notepad and then signing your name, you introduced yourself as well before continuing to prepare Anders’ family drinks.

Although every single one of them at one point or another has walked in on Anders while he’s had some sort of fling in his apartment before, you in particular were very strange. For one, the way you moved about in his apartment was like it was your house and two, Anders wasn’t there. He’d never let any stranger be in his apartment alone. And yet there you were.

While everyone was still quite confused, Axl, who was briefed along with way, and Dawn started to see the big picture. How interesting, Axl thought, that Anders would be falling for someone who doesn’t speak.

Opposites attract was what Dawn was grinning about.

“So what's Anders doing anyways?” Axl asked, watching you head over towards him with a drink.

Not sure, he said something about a client needing a last minute meeting and getting wine or something.

After handing him his drink you started to get the notebook again when Axl signed, thank you, before saying, “sorry you went too fast and a lot of signs i don’t recognize” he took a gulp of vodka to wash away his sheepishness. “Caught on the ‘not sure’ and ‘meeting’ though.”

Dawn gasped in delight, “you understand sign, Axl?”

“A little, not much, took a class in Uni last semester.”

You bounced on the balls of your feet with your excitement, careful not to spill anything.

Ty, now being handed his drink, gave a smile of thanks, “it’s impressive you retained any of that knowledge with how much you partied.”

“Hey!”

Ah, you thought, this is nice! Anders’ family is so lovely. No wonder he does what he can to take care of them. Even if it’s in his own odd-turned-around-Anders-kind-of-way.

Mike cleared his throat, gaining all eyes on him, “so. Why are you here.”

You blinked more at the subtle suspicious, hostile tone than the question. His eyes piercing yours, giving you the impression you were looking at the eyes of a hunter. “Anders never leaves his one night stands alone in his apartment, so clearly you’re not that.”

You winced slightly. You weren’t ignorant of how Anders is, you know he plays loose and fast in the sex department and you accepted that long ago. But you weren’t sure what in that comment made you hurt slightly. That Mike seemed to think you were a one night stand or that you weren’t “good enough” to be Anders’ usual type of gal that he would bring as a one night stand.

Or, you told yourself trying to make a more positive light on Mike’s words, maybe he thinks you are better than a one night stand!

With that better thought now running in your head, you rose your hands to respond, when the front door swung open quickly.

“Sorry that took so long, there are just some people that can talk a lot and yet say absolutely nothing at the same ti….” midword thrown off as Anders took in his living room/kitchenette.

The very people he never wanted in the same room as you (at least not yet) are in the same room as you.

You gave him a sheepish look just before he shut his eyes in a very “fuck my life” fashion before opening them with annoyance at his family.

“I see you’ve barged in without notice.”

“Well you’ve been quite busy lately so we wanted to check up on you. Your friend here was kind enough to keep us company ‘til you arrived,” Anders really hated how Mike could sound both condescending and smug at times.

Yes, your family is very lovely babe! They’re very kind! You tried to calm his irritation while trying to also shake off the slight hurt a bit ago by assuring him, misunderstanding his concern about meeting his family.

You hadn’t known it wasn’t their opinion of you or your opinion of them that was why he kept you a secret but rather his concern was his family’s opinion of him was what he didn’t want you to be exposed to. The relationship was still oh so new. He knew you weren’t ignorant of how he is-was-and he had finally convinced you he was serious about you and him, he didn’t need his family to put that doubt back into your head.

You should have kicked them out sweetheart, he signed as he made his way towards you. Kissing your temple as he passed to put the bottle of wine in his hand on the wine rack, earning a cute giggle his way. He didn’t acknowledge the slight gasps and awed looks from the others.

“Now. As you can see I’m doing more than fine. Thank you for your concern, it is much unneeded at this moment. If you could just head out that’ll be much appreciated.”

He’ll have to be more careful now that they know of you. And judging from the proud/cutesy looks he’s getting from Dawn and Axl, he knows that they won’t leave well enough alone.

The insecurities he has of you leaving him very much taking over his thoughts. First things first. Get them out of his house and spend a very passionate night with you to assure you he’s the only one for you.

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slightlymore · 4 years

Text

no, thank you

part of the Pride Universe

jaemin x fem reader

others: haechan (mentioned in jaemin's thoughts but not present in the real plot)

genre: smut with plot, roommates au, mentions of university (jaemin is a med student), angst, fluff, very +18 tho

warnings: very! rough! smut! (brat taming, oral, masturbation, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, denial, slight degradation, restriction, manhandling, bath tub is one of the locations), short mentions of mlm (jaemin x haechan fwb in the past), yn comes off rude in the beginning but it's necessary for character development, yn has an anxiety attack, angsty

words: 11.3K

this is kinda good if I say so myself, yall have to read 👁️ if you don't like mlm or memberxmember I promise it's just a short bit of fluff/angst connecting it to Cute~ and that's all lol, the plot is very jaeminxreader centered

Jaemin has been told that he can't say no to people. Yes, he will come to the party. Yes, he can help with the moving out. Yes, he can help you with Anatomy. Yes, that kind of anatomy as well.

The only time Jaemin would say no is when people would ask if he’s busy or tired. No, I’m fine. No, everything is alright.

"Do you ever sleep, Jaemin?" Haechan asked once.

His soft and sleepy voice made Jaemin smile. He wrapped the boy’s waist even tighter, tugging Haechan’s body against his.

“Of course I do.” Haechan chuckled. “When?” “When you’re not here”, the other whispered. “Lies. You’re studying when I’m not here. Look at what kind of service I’m doing. Fucking you so that you can just lie in bed and fall asleep.” Jaemin smiled again and ghosted Haechan’s forehead with his lips ready to place a kiss on the other’s warm skin. He stopped himself before doing so. “Yeah, thank you for your service.”

But since Haechan started to date some guy, there was no one to force him into bed and make Jaemin rest.

The boy would drift off to unconsciousness for a little while every night, head pressed into his med school books, mind full of notions and caffeine. He would stay like that for an indefinite amount of time, not enough to fully fall asleep but enough to being shaken to the core when he would wake up, batting his eyelashes as his unfocused gaze tried to make sense of his surroundings. Then he would get up slowly from his uncomfortable chair and drag his feet to the kitchen to make his nth cup of coffee for the night.

Jaemin has never had a roommate and it was probably because of Haechan. Said boy wouldn’t have cared less if someone was in the other room, listening to their moans, but Jaemin didn’t like that. Instead, he loved it when Haechan would pull up to his doorstep unannounced, eyes either wide with tears or tight with lust. Because the choice was Jaemin. It was always Jaemin. Haechan needed him and Jaemin loved it. He couldn’t have other distractions. No flatmates knocking on the door and complaining. Just him and Haechan, on his bed, on the couch, on the kitchen counters, against the entrance door, on the floor, in the shower. Jaemin didn’t know, but it wasn’t just him doing Haechan a favour, maybe quite the opposite. Because Jaemin has been also told that he doesn’t ask for help. He doesn’t let people know about his needs, or whatever. But Haechan was aware of that. It took Jaemin a little while to notice it, especially since the other was already gone, but more often than not, Haechan would just show up for no apparent reason. “Nothing happened,” he would say, “I was just horny.” But Haechan would come for him. Because that’s how Haechan was. He could see people very well and he could see Jaemin when he needed something, or when he was exhausted and needed a simple hug, or when he didn’t sleep in days or having eaten nothing more than a single cup of instant noodles. They were friends with benefits but the benefits sometimes were just lying beside each other and talk, or order in some food while watching a movie. Sometimes they would just kiss for a long time, during nights where Haechan felt weaker, and those were Jaemin’s favourite nights. “You should sleep now,” the older would whisper against his lips and Jaemin would reply with a short-breathed yeah, in a second, before letting his tongue inside the other’s mouth slowly for another hour or so. Some people might have said that Jaemin was in love, but the boy had no idea himself whether that was the case or not and he didn’t want to think about that. Jaemin didn’t like thinking at all. But he loved it when others did and he loved to think about their thoughts instead of his own. He wanted to know people’s reasons and why they behaved in a certain manner so that he could understand himself without actively trying to.

“So, what do you think?” Jaemin was standing proud in the middle of his spot-free living room, hands on his hips, like a housewife expecting compliments from her housewive friends.

“Could be better,” you mumbled, biting your nails, barely looking around.

When you found Jaemin’s pretty written paper renting a room on the university notice board, you did assume he was a girl.

“What could be better?” he smiled at you.

You stared back, sensing sarcasm but upon seeing the boy’s genuine expression you realized how naive he was.

“I don’t know. The roommate maybe?” you rolled your eyes and walked towards your assigned room, dragging your suitcase carelessly on the nice wooden floor. “I’m staying, by the way,” you yelled after closing your door with your foot with a loud bang.

____

You have been told a lot of stuff during your life. Selfish, rude, uncaring, insensitive.

It would make you angry.

You would yell back that it’s not true making people step back and add some more adjectives that you wouldn’t want to use while describing yourself in class.

You fought that back a lot, crying secretly under your covers, terrorized of being alone by yourself, afraid of being alone with such a bad person.

You fought and fought until one day you just stared back at those people.

So what? you found yourself thinking. Perhaps I am. Yeah. I am selfish and I don’t give a shit. So what about that? What are you all going to do?

And when you ignored people, they started to ignore you as well.

And slowly, everyone knew that no, you would not help them with their homework, no, you didn’t want to go to their stupid party, no, you didn’t give a shit about their new college charity event.

And you didn’t give a single fuck about Jaemin’s rules.

“So, you can actually do whatever you want, really. The only things I ask of you is-,” he tried to speak to you the first morning of you living together.

You turned your music loudly on purpose the previous night as you settled in. You wanted to see the boy come knocking on your door and finally throw away his polite mask as everyone does around you after a few minutes of knowing you. Because you’re rude and it’s better for them to just know that from the start.

The thing you hated the most was people giving you a little hope, that maybe you’re likeable and they wouldn’t turn their backs on you. Yet, you’ve quickly realized that it is impossible. Not with you. Not since you’re such a horrible person.

“Yeah, I don’t care,” you replied, one of Jaemin’s red apples between your teeth, a little juice glistening on your lips after you bit down. They were prettily on display in the middle of the kitchen island with a little vase of fresh flowers kept them company on the right.

The boy looked at your mouth for a second before locking eyes with you. “Okay,” he simply replied grabbing an apple himself. “I’m glad you like apples. I was afraid they would go to waste-,” but he didn’t complete the sentence, one hand suspended in the air, eyes wide as you let the piece of apple you were munching on fall on the ground as well as the fruit you were holding.

“These apples are actually disgusting,” you commented then you both listened to the sound the apple made as it rolled into the living room and stopped as it met the soft rug.

That was it.

It wasn’t your fault that this boy had more patience than your previous flatmates and you had to go stronger on him.

Kick me out? Are you going to kick me out now? Come on. Kick me out.

But Jaemin didn’t look mad.

After the initial confusion, he just put his apple back on top of the others and grabbed a paper towel. He knelt in front of you as you stood there with crossed arms and picked up your half munched bite of fruit and threw it away. Then he walked the few steps separating the kitchen island to the living room and picked up the apple as well, giving it the same journey towards the trash.

You scoffed.

Jaemin still didn’t say anything and grabbed a pan out of the cabinets. “I’m making pancakes,” he announced calmly. “I don’t like pancakes,” you acted like a kid but the feeling gripping at your throat was something new and you didn’t know how to behave.

This Jaemin guy made you angrier than other people.

Jaemin turned around to face you. “What do you like, Y/N?”

You stared back for a few seconds at his neutral and unbothered face, then shoulder bumped him as you walked away. Grabbing your backpack from the ground you just slammed the entrance door on your way out.

You knew you were annoying. You also hated yourself just like everyone hated you. But you couldn’t help it. It has happened before. You let yourself believe that maybe you were kind and sweet, that you had a caring heart, that people would like you. Yet, soon after, they would finally realize that you weren’t like that at all. That you were a monster trying to put on an act. So you liked the idea of people seeing the worst you could be first, so they could just leave if they couldn’t handle it.

And no one could. Yet this Jaemin dude didn't budge.

You came home late that day and you noticed the way Jaemin turned off his music as he heard you enter your room.

God, you hated him.

And the morning after he was already in the kitchen, hair wet on his forehead, a white towel around his neck.

He smiled like an angel.

"Eggs and bacon?"

You ignored him.

And the morning after again. "Fruit?" Door slam.

And another morning again. "Maybe cappuccino and croissants?" he wondered. Again.

"Porridge?" "Okay! Okay. Fuck. Okay", you finally replied.

It was the weekend and you had no excuse to dramatically leave the apartment as you did the previous days when you had to go to class. You were standing in the same spot in front of the kitchen island as the first day when you made a fool out of yourself by spitting out a piece of an apple.

"I'm fine with whatever,” you added quietly. "Toast?" Jaemin raised his eyes from underneath his fringe before his hand could throw the locks back revealing the forehead.

You shrugged.

He smiled excitedly and got busy around the cabinets, the scent of his aftershave intimidating you.

Walking around him silently you sat up on the kitchen stools, placing your hands on the marble and looked down, uneasy. It was alright if Jaemin was kind now then would start hate you afterwards. You could rest for a little bit, right? You could just put down your shield and breathe. It’s not like you would become friends if the made you breakfast.

"How did the week go? You guys have many exams?" Jaemin's voice slightly startled you.

Looking up you saw that he was already looking at you, two white plates in front of him with two pieces of hot toast. You stared back for a second then looked at the way his hands spread jam on the bread.

"It was alright," you found yourself speaking.

How was yours? You probably should have asked. But you didn't care and you were afraid to randomly engage in more than a few words long conversations.

"Here," Jaemin placed the food in front of you then he licked his thumb. Thank you, you should have said. But Jaemin didn't look bothered.

After a few moments of silence during which you couldn't bring yourself to start eating, Jaemin sighed like a British person would while slapping their knees when announcing they should go.

"Alright. I'll eat in my room. I have a lot of stuff to do,” he announced and left with the plate. You stared at his back as he lazily dragged his feet towards the corridor and when you heard his door close you finally tasted the toast.

_____

A scared cat. An angry and scared cat.

This was the first thing Jaemin thought when he saw you.

Honestly, he almost lost it on the first day but kept it in together when he saw the way your hands trembled while being confronted. Then all of his anger died.

No, I don't care, you told him yet you didn't turn up your music loudly again after the first night and you never bothered him. It was almost as if you weren't even there.

What a nicely crafted facade, Jaemin would think, hands behind his head, a pencil between his lips, an open manual on his chest, eyes directed towards an indefinite point on his ceiling.

It was very late at night. His phone buzzed once and the boy stared at the "apartment empty, wanna come?" text.

Yeah, he could use some of that.

And he would have been at his friend's place by now if a weird noise wouldn't have stopped him from putting on his shoes.

It was coming from your room, a small choked sound, barely audible that Jaemin wouldn't have heard it in other circumstances. He walked the corridor slowly until gently stopping in front of you door, a slight blush covering his cheeks. Could it be-?

But no.

Jaemin heard a fair share of whimpering girls before and you definitely weren't enjoying yourself. So he knocked, suddenly worried. "Y/N?" You didn't reply, only a little whimper being caught by Jaemin's ears. "Y/N, is everything alright?" He waited, face almost pressed on the cool wood. Another choking sound and "I'm coming in, now,” he announced and you couldn't stop him.

Sat on your bed, wet cheeks from crying and irregular breaths, you looked up like a scared deer, sliding back when Jaemin walked towards you. "Shh, it's alright," he whispered with a calm voice, hands in front of himself as he sat down in front of you.

"Don't touch me. Go away," you flinched, hiding your face from his gaze.

Jaemin had a reassuring face when he spoke again. "I won't touch you if you don’t want me to."

"Go away. Leave me alone," you repeated with a feeble voice, arms pulling your knees to your chest.

Jaemin looked at you for a few moments, your baby blue pyjama and irregular breath, then he gently sat down on the bed in front of you and crossed his legs.

"Do you take medicine?" he asked softly. You shook your head. "Okay. Then, will you look at me?" You sobbed and furtively raised your eyes to meet his for a short moment before looking away. "It's alright. You're doing great." Jaemin's voice was low, articulating every word slowly and he didn't move. "It's scary, I know. But there's no danger now. I'm protecting you." His eyes were trained on your face and you finally let yourself stare back fully.

"Imitate me," he spoke again, breathing in and out slowly. A little sob escaped your lips before you could do the same.

"Good. You're doing amazing. Slowly," he cooed and you did just that for an indeterminate amount of times, the silence engulfig you both until you looked down and saw your fingers wrapped around Jaemin's hands.

You let them go surprised but your palms liked how soothing touching another human’s skin felt.

His was soft and warm, and you concentrated on the way the heat spread to your cold hands, holding them again timidly.

Then you let yourself fall on the pillows, eyes looking up at the ceiling, the sobs getting more time between each other.

Jaemin remained still for a moment, as if unsure what to do, then he slowly moved to the side, walking on all fours until resting on the bed beside you.

A little stronger whine shook your frame again though and he slightly rolled over, rising on his elbow the other hand above your body.

"I'm-- going to touch your diaphragm. Is this alright?"

You bit your lower lip then nodded.

"Okay, breathe in again, keep it for one second, then release slowly."

You inhaled, staring at Jaemin's big eyes as if looking for approval. His hand ghosted your stomach until finally resting on your body right underneath your bust.

"That's right," he spoke softly. "Now, again.”

You repeated the exercise, feeling Jaemin's warm palm through the clothes every time your rib cage expanded.

"Again," he breathed in with you, keeping it, then releasing it.

After a while your mind felt like white, blood fully oxygenated, Jaemin’s non-invading and calming presence actually making you feel better.

Yet your heartbeat couldn't stop beating and Jaemin could feel it.

"Again," his low voice made your arms skin shiver with goosebumps, your breathing getting irregular instead of steady.

"Focus on my hand and your breath," he said but his gaze falling on your slightly open lips wasn't helping you focus at all.

He blinked and looked up into your eyes again.

It was even worse. "Jaemin, I'm fine now.”

The boy blinked a few times and retrieved his hand slowly.

Your breath calmed down and Jaemin took it for a good sign since he returned to his side of the bed.

It became silent so suddenly that you could hear Jaemin swallow.

Thank you? Thank you for being here? Or, thank you for helping me out. Sorry for slapping your hand away? Is this what you should have said, right?

“Then, I’ll be going now,” his soft voice disrupted the silence and your bed creaked in the darkness as he presumably got up.

No, wait, wait.

"Why do I become like this at night?" you whispered instead.

Jaemin’s silhouette against your dark blue windows moved around and lied on the bed again, this time on his stomach, bust raised on his elbows, eyes probably on the shadows of your face.

"It's because the front part of your brain gets quieter and gives space to the other parts of your brain where feelings are."

"Why do you always have a good answer to everything?"

You heard Jaemin's breath form a light chuckle.

"Many people told me that before."

"Okay, right."

"No, wait, I meant that- I'm not bragging, sorry--it came out very weirdly."

You smiled, the dark and sudden sleepiness making you care less about keeping up your cold image.

"You want to be a psychiatrist?" "I don't know."

You turned on your side, hands pressed under your face, knees buckled until almost touching his hips. "Why is that?"

Jaemin sighed. "I don't know if I'm good at helping people."

The laugh you let out took both of you by surprise. "Are you joking?"

The boy exhumed perplexed energy even if you couldn’t see him properly.

"You're a human matt with weird gigantic patience. You'll help people alright." "A human mat?" Jaemin raised his eyebrow at you but you still noticed the amused twinkle in his eyes. "Yeah, you have no self-esteem,” you went on. "I have self-esteem," the other protested. "If you did, you wouldn’t let people treat you like that."

Jaemin let the clock on your wall fill the silence with its ticks for a little while.

"Like what?" he whispered.

You rolled on your back, unable to look at him anymore. "Like how I treat you."

"So you're aware of that."

"So you're aware of that as well but choose to ignore it instead of fighting back?"

Jaemin rolled on his back as well, hand rising to his forehead and ruffling his fringe.

You stared at the way the strands fell back exposing his forehead then you looked at his furrowed eyebrows and finally at his lips when he opened them to speak. "What's the point in fighting back?"

A car roared outside your open window, giving you more time to collect your thoughts.

"What's the point in being stupidly kind like that?" you finally spoke up. Your voice was a little whisper as if you secretly wanted Jaemin to not hear you. But he did.

"So I can live by my principles." "And are you happy?"

Ah.

Shit.

Jaemin was at a loss of words.

"Isn't it better to just be yourself and do whatever the fuck you want?" you went on. "Like you?" he finally spoke up. "Yeah." "But you're not doing what you want.”

It was your turn to have no words to choose from.

"You're not yourself, are you?" he asked. "I am," but your voice didn't seem convincing even to your ears. "People are not going to like you more if you behave as you do," you added. "And what should I do to make people like me?" Jaemin inquired. "Nothing. Just be yourself."

Jaemin sat up slowly and briefly looked out of the window.

"Then you should follow this advice as well. Stop putting on this act."

You didn't sleep the whole night after Jaemin slowly exited your room.

_____

The next day you already left when Jaemin got up and walked to the kitchen.

He heard you leave actually. He couldn't sleep the whole night either.

Are you happy? Are you yourself?

No. After turning and rolling on his bed Jaemin got to the conclusion that he wasn't happy or himself at all.

Not all the time at least.

Because most of the times he did care about people, but he could also point out times when he did too much for no reason, getting back nothing but a bittersweet taste on his tongue.

When he came back home after class, an intense sweet fragrance welcomed him first as he stepped inside. With the back turned at him and wearing his black apron, you were frantically looking for something in the kitchen cabinets.

Jaemin indulged in looking at you for a little while, a fizzy feeling inside his chest, small happiness created by moments like finding money in an old jacket, a little surprise you didn’t need but that made your day better.

How would it feel to behave like you? Would Jaemin be able to do it?

At first, Jaemin wondered why you were like that, but after the previous night, he hit his head with an imaginary palm, feeling stupid for not realizing it earlier.

You were just like him.

Hiding something in front of people.

He cleared his throat and smiled when you jolted with a little scream. “For fuck’s sake.”

Yeah, you were hiding the little girl he saw crying on her bed and he was hiding the needy little boy that so desperately wanted to be loved.

“I’m sorry for startling you,” he let his bag fall on the floor as he sat on the kitchen stools in front of you. “Are those cookies?” he indicated the oven with his chin.

You adjusted your clothes as if suddenly realizing how embarrassing it was to wear an apron.

“Why ask obvious questions?”

Jaemin’s smile widened until showing his teeth and you felt like either fight him or run away from his eyes. What a weirdo, you thought. It was almost as if he was enjoying your moodiness.

“Are you looking for something?” he asked again. You crossed your arms on your chest and Jaemin thought that seizing you in the act of being domestic was something that highly embarrassed you.

He loved it.

“No.” The boy rested his head on one arm, tilting his head to the side, already knowing what you were trying to do before. “Shall we decorate the cookies together? I can make the icing. The colouring is in the other cabinet.”

You turned around and stared at the only place you didn’t look before. “I wasn’t trying to decorate them,” you lied.

Jaemin lifted his hands as if innocent. “Never said that,” then smiled as you rolled your eyes.

“Do you have plans tonight?” he walked around you to retrieve the decorations and you felt your breath hitch when he had to press himself on your back. “Because the cookies have to cool down first,” Jaemin explained.

You didn’t reply and untied your apron, suddenly regretting your decision to remain in the kitchen instead of hiding in your room.

“Watch a movie with me, please?”

The “no” was already on the tip of your tongue but then you heard the “please” and your eyes moved to Jaemin’s face by themselves. His hands were pressing into the isle, shoulders raised as if he was trying to lift himself, the evident nervousness in his expression making you feel at a loss of words.

You didn’t expect Jaemin to be shy. Why was he shy? To ask you to watch a movie with him? That made him shy?

“Okay.”

His eyes widened. “Okay?”

You almost laughed at how surprised he was and you had to admit that seeing him run around the kitchen to get to the living room was pretty adorable.

A little sigh, as if a warning, left your lungs when you walked towards the couch. You were probably doing a mistake, but Jaemin - God - Jaemin was so kind.

Watching his back as he was sat down on his knees in front of the tv, so eager to spend some time with you, even if it was fake, even if he didn’t really care, made your heart swell up. No one has behaved like that before. Maybe it was alright.

“Okay, but I choose the movie,” you extended the hand and Jaemin got up, placing the remote controller on your palm. His smile never left his lips as you shuffled the options. “What about this?” Jaemin read the description with squinty eyes. "Oh, I don't like happy endings." You looked at him. "Why is that?"

The boy remained quiet for a moment.

"I think it's because you relate a lot to a sad story and it describes your life so well that you get mesmerized in it. You finally feel understood. Others are going through the same struggles. But then they get a happy ending and- you don't.”

Jaemin’s fingers played with one of the threads of his shorts and you blinked at his unexpected words.

“It becomes a reminder of how your life could go if you were lucky like them. But you're not. That's when you can't relate anymore and it becomes even sadder. Instead of being a sort of relief, the happy ending is another punch in the gut, since I'll never be able to experience something like that,” he smiled after the last phrase as if he had just said that the best colour to decorate the cookies was blue.

Suddenly it felt as if the reality was altered.

Jaemin's face was a concentrated mask, trying to read other movies descriptions and you desperately wanted to touch it with your fingertips.

But you touched the back of his hand instead and Jaemin looked down at his thigh before looking up.

You didn’t know what expression you had on but the boy was so good at understanding people that you could have had a blank face and he would have known what you were feeling.

He smiled warmly at you and held your hand, squeezing it a little bit.

“I’m fine.” “It’s alright to be weak,” you almost talked on top of him. “Or to have desires.”

Jaemin opened his mouth and closed it a few times like a fish and you both jolted when the ding of the oven told that the cookies were baked.

The boy reluctantly let your hand go when you got up and walked towards the kitchen.

The smell was incredible and despite the weird saddened energy of the room, you both smiled at each other when locking eyes.

_____

Jaemin got used to your love language very quickly.

After cookies, came breakfast, and after that, it was the turn of a small gadget you found at the flea market.

“It’s so ugly that the first person I thought of was you.”

You still kept the insulting wall but Jaemin loved that part of you as well.

He ate your gratitude made of sweets and desserts, and looked at it in bed, rolling the little bald man made of wood on his palm.

A night Jaemin would think a lot about, was when you were hammered, bodies spread on the living room floor, eyes closed, soft music in the background to make the ambience less awkward. But you didn’t care about awkwardness as soon enough, the only thing your dizzy heads could think of was nothing at all.

With a wavering hand, Jaemin felt around him, searching for the bottle of “you’ve never tasted such good cognac before, I’m sure” cognac that Haechan sent him.

And the “Oh, perhaps I’m getting engaged :P”.

Jaemin stared at the note for a long time then stared at the bottle of amber liquid, his hands gripping it hard.

You took it from his hands before he could unreasonably smash it on the ground.

“Are you okay?”

The bottle was put down on the kitchen counter and Jaemin looked at it first then at your concerned eyes, as you’ve started to do more often lately.

Jaemin didn’t know what expression he had on but whatever it was, it made you take a few steps towards him when he didn’t reply.

“Yeah,” he breathed out after a little while, trying to put on his normal smile. But when you wrapped his waist with your arms he didn’t stop the tears falling silently on his cheeks.

He did not sob, nor wail. Jaemin just stood there, arms unable to hug you back. And when you dragged him by the hand, the bottle under your arm, making him sit down on the floor, he just obliged.

“Let’s drink to that.”

And Jaemin didn’t know if you meant his broken heart or Haechan’s happiness but he nodded and took a sip of the sweet drink. The bottle travelled back and forth between you until you couldn’t sit up anymore.

Lying down, the sun setting, the same few songs playing on a loop since no one had the energy to change the playlist, Jaemin couldn’t find the bottle anymore so he just grabbed your hand instead.

You didn’t say anything and intertwined your fingers with his, mind circling the spot Jaemin’s thumb was circling on your skin.

"I feel like people love me for how I make them feel.”

The boy’s voice was hoarse and it made your chest tingle.

You listened, squeezing his hand as to invite him to go on.

“I know everything about them. I know how to make them feel good. I listen and I love. I love a lot.”

“You do.”

Jaemin swallowed hard.

You didn’t have to look to know that his cheeks were wet again.

“I tried to be perfect. So I could be loved back.”

“You don’t have to do that. You just got an example of that not working very well anyway.”

A sniff.

“I know. But the little amount I still get now, would it be there if I didn’t try as hard as I’m trying right now? Would people care about me if I wasn't perfect? Would they love me if I didn't do what they need me to? Honestly, I'm terrified to find out.”

You sighed and let his hand go, rolling on your stomach and lifting your bust on our forearms to be able to look at Jaemin.

The boy opened his reddened eyes and tilted his head to the side to meet your gaze.

“If you try so hard and still get so little, you don’t need that love.”

Jaemin blinked once, listening to your soothing voice, the evening breeze lightly swooshing his hair spread around his head.

“As you said, they probably still love you for how you make them feel and not for how you are,” and Jaemin visibly flinched at the hard truth. “But,” you grabbed his hand again, not wanting to let him despair, “there are also people that love you because of who you are, even if you confuse them with those that love you for what you do. And I’m sure Haechan is one of them, it just didn’t go well.” “It didn’t have to go well. It has never been something that could go. It’s just my fault that-” but you shushed him pulling at his hand as to make him stop talking. “You can still admit that he hurt you. He didn’t do it on purpose but it’s not your fault either. And it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you. Sometimes you can try very hard and people would still not care in the same way that you do, and it’s alright. It’s not you. It’s them.”

Jaemin kept his eyes closed as you talked, his chest rising with deep breaths and you placed a hand on it just like he did to you before.

“Do you like me?”

His question took you by surprise.

“You can say no. I’m sorry, I’m putting a lot of pressure on you right now-” “I do.”

The boy opened his eyes, staring at you from underneath his long lashes. “Why?”

You stared down at your intertwined fingers. The truth was that you also liked him for how he made you feel. He never snapped, he accepted you, he tried hard to get to you and it was something that you’ve never experienced before. But what does that also mean about him?

“Because you’re a beautiful human being.”

Jaemin’s eyes widened imperceptibly.

“You’re kind and patient and so sweet. And I know that it looks as if I’m saying only the stuff that has to do with me, like, you’re kind with me, and patient with me and sweet with me. But honestly, I would have liked you even if you were like that with other people and not with me.”

You looked up at his face and bit your lower lip. “Also, would you not like me if I understood you the way you understand others? Would that be only loving the way I make you feel? Would that be a bad thing?” “It’s a bad thing only if you were kind to me only to be loved back when in reality you’re not.” “Yeah. And you’re not doing that, are you? You think you’re not deserving of love without trying to be kind but you’re naturally like that, Jaemin. You’re just unhealthily pushing yourself sometimes. It’s not like you’d stop being kind if you stopped trying. Because you’re already kind. And people will love you the same.”

The boy didn’t add anything to that.

He pulled you by the hand until you softly landed on his chest and wrapped your body with his arms.

You could feel his quick heartbeat under your chest and he probably could feel yours. His warm breath caressed your forehead until you fell asleep.

_____

The day after, Jaemin was the usual boy.

His teeth were the first thing you saw when you woke up with a groan. “Good morning.”

You furrowed your eyebrows when your eyes focus on the background. “What the hell am I doing in your bed?”

Jaemin giggled and tugged your body against his, making you realize that he has been hugging you the whole time.

“Let me go!” you tried to escape but Jaemin didn’t budge.

“We’re just cuddling,” his muffled voice on the sweatshirt you were wearing sounded whiny and sleepy.

“Why are we cuddling? What the fuck happened last night?”

Your body stiffened when Jaemin threw a leg on your hips like a koala.

“Nothing. We got drunk and cried, then we fell asleep on the floor.”

You waited.

“And then I woke up and took ourselves on my bed where we cuddled some more until falling asleep again.”

You waited some more.

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Jaemin.” The boy raised his face from your shoulder to show you his innocent puppy eyes. “Like what?” “Like why I have nothing on besides your hoodie.”

Jaemin’s face lit up in a bright smile and he hid his face into you again as if shy.

“You were thirsty and drank water from the tap.”

“And?” you were losing all of your patience while your cheeks heated up.

“And your clothes got all wet.”

“Jaemin, for fuck’s sake, talk normally. Did you undress me?”

The boy shook his head. “You took them off by yourself,” he paused. “While trying to give me a lap dance.”

You choked on air and tried to cover your face with your hands, but Jaemin’s koala arms prevented you from doing so.

What the fuck. What the actual fuck.

“But you just took your clothes off and fell on me. Nothing happened. I forced you to wear my hoodie. Then you wanted to cuddle and we fell asleep as you kept saying how pretty my eyelashes are.”

Oh my God.

“And that’s it?” you asked with a little voice.

Jaemin looked at you again and his face was so close that you felt as if on fire, the thought of being naked in front of him and doing stuff you couldn’t remember at all.

“Yeah, unfortunately.”

You hit him on the forehead and as he giggled, hands pressing on the spot, you could free yourself and run away in your room.

It was something you would have never imagined, the feeling between your legs.

You breathed in and out, trying to calm yourself, but your skin still remembered where Jaemin’s hands were placed just seconds ago. And his breath on your neck. And your eyes couldn’t get rid of his sunlit chocolate eyes.

Oh, fuck.

This shouldn’t have happened.

You didn’t predict this happening at all and it made you go crazy just like the heat spreading through your body as your hand slipped down your stomach. You didn’t think. Your mind was blank and your fingers moved on their own, teeth biting your lower lip, knees buckling until your frame slipped on the door and meeting the floor. Legs open and back pressed onto the hard wood, you closed your eyes and gasped, hoping that Jaemin’s hangover ears could not hear you.

_____

Jaemin loved how things started to go between you. Bad mannered and moody, you still snapped at him but didn’t run away when he would laugh and pull you into his arms.

Perhaps Jaemin was making a mistake. The same mistake all over again.

Perhaps he was giving and giving, thinking the other party felt the same, but he didn’t care anymore. That’s how he was. He wasn’t trying. He felt like hugging you and kissing your forehead just to hear your scream, loving the little smile blooming on your lips when you thought he wasn’t looking.

He bathed into your silent affection and soon your affection became something else he wouldn’t have expected.

“I think you should stay at home.”

Jaemin adjusted his raincoat with furrowed eyebrows. You were standing near the wall of the corridor and watched him about to go out in the pouring rain.

“Jaemin. There’s a storm outside. Your friend can just call a tow truck or something.”

The boy has been in a rare bad mood for a little while that day and when he heard that his friend got a flat tire his mood didn’t get any better. And now, with you looking at him as if he was doing something wrong when his conscience was telling him it was the right choice made him unreasonable angry. Because he knew that he should probably listen to you.

“I know.”

You huffed. “Then tell him to go fuck himself and stay home.” Jaemin let his shoe fall down on the floor annoyed. “Why do you care so much suddenly?” and while saying it he was already regretting it but was unable to stop. “You’ve hated me since day one and now you care about my well-being?”

You tightened your lips. “I don’t hate you. I thought-- you understood.”

Your vulnerability made Jaemin close his eyes for a second. “Fuck, I do. I always do. I understand everyone and I hate it.”

Sudden lighting made his face spectral and you took a step back.

“Just stop being a human mat and stop doing stuff you don’t want to do. We’ve talked about this before, haven’t we?”

If the boy was cooling down, that phrase took it all out of the window.

“You think it’s easy? Why don’t you stop saying no to everything and start being kinder then? We’ve talked about that as well. You can’t do it either.”

“I bet I can go one day with saying yes to everything but you can’t go a day by saying no or doing what you want instead of what other people want,” you dared him.

Jaemin scoffed. “Yeah, sure. I would want to see that.”

You crossed your arms on your chest determined. “Okay. Starting from this moment I’m going to say yes. What about you? Are you going to refuse people and do what you want? I don’t think so.”

Jaemin stared at you for a split second and his expression became one you’ve never seen him wear before. With a fluid movement, he filled the space between you until your faces were a breath away from each other. “I want to fuck you. How about that?”

You almost gasped as you stared at his dark eyes, the storm outside the window giving him an even more dangerous aura.

Gulping down, your mind started to run and search for an appropriate answer, but it wasn’t necessary as your lips betrayed you by forming a quiet “okay, deal.”

Jaemin’s pupils trembled as if he was surprised himself, yet his hands were quick, stripping him of his raincoat, letting it fall to his feet.

“The safe word is,” he whispered slowly, “forest.”

You swallowed again, feeling your throat suddenly dry, then you chuckled trying to mask your nervousness.

“Okay, but forest? Really? That’s very stupid-,” but you couldn't complete your shaky sentence as you found yourself dragged towards the bedroom and knocked on the bed in a second, ass up in the air with Jaemin’s hands on it. “Stupid?” he asked irritated. “Start fucking counting.” You shivered even though your blood felt like boiling. Not in a thousand years, you would have expected Jaemin to manhandle you like that.

Spank.

A little yelp, more because of the surprise than the actual pain since your thick jeans didn’t really allow for much friction, escaped your lips. “One.” Your voice was trembling. “Good girl,” Jaemin’s voice was almost a deep whisper.

Spank.

“T-two,” you stuttered as Jaemin increased the force.

Spank.

You whined. “Three.” “God, I’ve wanted to do this the first time you left your dirty stuff in the sink and refused to clean up.”

Spank.

“F-four. So you’re actually able to feel human emotions such as anger, huh?” you chuckled breathlessly.

Spank. You moaned and your panties started to get too wet and hot for your liking.

No five could come out of your lips as Jaemin grabbed your arms and rolled you over on your back. His eyes were full of fire and you felt your core tingle as he got on the bed as well, kneeling between your open legs, resting his weight on his hands pressed on each side of your head. “I’m going to stuff you up so hard. Let’s see if you’ll be able to talk back again, princess.” You were about to chuckle, pretending that his words didn’t affect you, but you lost it at the pet name. A little gasp left your lips in the form of a single breath and Jaemin got even closer as if catching it. “Oh, you like it? You want to be called like that?” he teased you. You gulped nervously and nodded. “Then I won’t do it,” he whispered, mouths almost touching. You raised your head to connect his lips with yours but Jaemin pulled away with a laugh until you couldn’t reach him anymore. Then he got closer again when you rested your head down. “Wanna kiss me?” his voice caressed your ears just the way one of his hands started to draw little circles down your neck. You turned your head to the side, giving him more space. “Hm?” he asked while the tip of his tongue traced the outline of your ear. You shivered at the sensation. “Yeah, wanna kiss you,” you replied, remembering the dare, even though, you realized with deep shame, you would have answered positively anyways. Jaemin’s soft chuckle added to the sensation growing between your legs and you would have rubbed them together if Jaemin’s bust weren’t there, so close to your core yet so far away. “Ask me nicely,” he ordered. You bit your lower lip and looked up at him, trying to flirt back, maybe making Jaemin weak the way he was making you feel. But the boy’s smile never flattered. “Do you not want to kiss me?” you fluttered your eyelashes. Jaemin shook his head. “No.” “I want to kiss you so badly though,” you tried again. “Sounds like a you problem.” “Okay, so you’re not actually able to feel human emotions,” you dropped the sugary tone. “This is pretty human in my book,” he lowered his hips grinding on you, his hard cock making you jolt even through the layers of clothes. “I have to do what I want right? Then I want to fuck you until there’s no trace of that attitude left, but on my terms,” and you would have replied if Jaemin didn’t rise on his knees again, looking at you sprawled in front of him like a full meal and if his hands didn’t go to your waistband, unbuttoning your pants and roughly dragging them down. Your legs fell on the bed like dead weight after the jeans were thrown somewhere in the room. Jaemin got between them again but not to do what you hoped he would. Instead, he reached on the shelves behind you and you recognized the sound before seeing the object: a pair of shiny metal handcuffs. Your eyes widened at the sight and Jaemin chuckled. “You want me to tie you up?” you tried to joke, knowing damn well that they weren’t for his wrists. Jaemin ignored your useless question and handcuffed you, tugging at the chain connecting your hands, making you whine as he hooked it to a nail above your head. You looked up, blaming yourself for not noticing it sooner and shivered at the sudden realization that Jaemin had probably done it very often. A little fear of what he might do to you crept in the back of your mind but instead of spreading panic through your body, it spread a wave of pleasure, collecting itself in a single pulsating point between your legs. “Tell me the truth. It’s the first time you’re not the one tied to the bed, right?” you teased him. “No, but it does look like it’s your first time, isn’t it, love?” his eyes were sweet and kind, the usual look Jaemin would give you in the morning or before going to bed, yet it changed in a second as he calmly slipped his fingers on your hips, getting under your panties and dragging them down your thighs. He twirled them around his finger a few times, the tip of his tongue moisturizing his dry lips as he drank in the view of your spread legs. “You’re not taking off this?” you tried to drift his attention to your face instead, shimming your bust as to indicate what you were talking about, suddenly very shy of you being so exposed to him and definitely not used to the look on his face. But Jaemin didn’t budge. He still stared where he wanted, as if almost caressing you with his gaze as he replied. “It would be a shame. That’s my hoodie, isn’t it? Tell me,” he got closer, hovering over you, finally looking at you in the eyes, making you regret that he wasn’t looking away as before, “does it still have my perfume on? Were you thinking about me today just as you touched yourself that time while wearing it?” he purred and chuckled at your shocked expression. “This apartment has very thin walls, angel. But if it makes you feel better, I’ll tell you my little secret as well, yeah?” You nodded breathlessly. “I was fucking my fist to your pretty moans as well, thinking about your sweet lips wrapped around my cock,” he rubbed his thumb on your lower lip, making you open your mouth as if about to kiss you, then smirked. “What about you? Were you thinking about this-” he let his hand fall from your face down your body until reaching between your legs, touching your wet core with two fingers, dragging them up and down slowly. You jolted, inhaling sharply at the feeling, eyes unable to stay open. “-or maybe this?” his voice was a whisper as his fingertips circled your clit, snapping a whine out of you. His shiny necklace was dangling in front of your face, then it laid on your chest as he got closer and pressed his lips on your neck, sucking your skin in, playing with it with his tongue. “Was it perhaps this?” he spoke again as he easily slipped his middle finger inside of you. The wet sounds of him pumping your pussy made you even more aroused and it probably had the same effect on Jaemin since a little low growl roared in his chest. He slipped another finger in. “Do you hear it? So wet and all for me,” his hot breath ghosted your ear. “Jaemin, please,” you mumbled, the building up sensation keeping you on the edge but not enough to grow to what your gut needed. Jaemin raised his bust and sat down on his heels with a cocky smile, looking at the way his fingers disappeared inside you, glistening with your juices. “You’re in no position to ask for anything, angel,” he reminded you calmly. “But I appreciate the please. Now, let’s learn to say thank you as well, shall we?” You whined, rocking your hips against his hand, urging him to go faster. The boy raised an eyebrow at your eagerness and let himself down on his elbows between your legs. “Do you want to feel my tongue?” “Yes, yes, please,” you replied, all of your pride out of the window. “Like this?” he licked your inner thigh. You protested and it only made Jaemin more amused. “Sorry, like this?” he drew a line on one of your lips, so close yet so far. “Jaemin, I’ll fucking make you pay,” you spoke through your teeth and Jaemin clicked his tongue as if disappointed, retrieving his fingers from you and leaving you all empty. “No, no, no,” you wailed, eyes wide staring at him. “What was that? Did I hear some-” he cupped his ear with one hand in a playful act, “-attitude?” “Shit, Jaemin, you said you’re going to fuck the attitude out of me, yet here you are, not doing anything to me.” Jaemin’s smile disappeared in a second leaving space for a dark expression. Usually, he would have continued to smile, but this Jaemin was a different person. “Oh, be careful what you wish for, angel,” he whispered and dove into your core, not leaving you a single second to breathe in properly. You moaned hard feeling his quick tongue, curling your toes and tugging at the handcuffs keeping your arms painfully above your head. “Oh oh- fuck me,” and he did it, lapping at your wetness, fingers shoved back inside of you, quick to find your sweet spot thanks to your increasing moans guiding his movements. His name on your whiny lips probably made him insane since he started to move even quicker, so quick to make you arch your back, not stopping even when you started to uncontrollably shake, coming all over his tongue. Your legs tried to get together but Jaemin didn’t agree with that, slapping your thighs away his with free hand and diving back in, sucking on your clit as if nothing happened. You cried out and mumbled something about stopping but Jaemin didn’t accept anything besides the safe word. Deaf to your protests, he ravaged you until hearing your loud whimpers again, this time shaking so hard that the bed frame moved with you, your wrists hurting as you tugged at the handcuffs again. Only then Jaemin lifted himself on his knees again, breathless, your juices wetting his lips and chin, a thin layer of sweat matting his fringe to the forehead. “How are we feeling, baby?” he grabbed the collar of his t-shirt and undressed himself, revealing one of the best bodies you’ve seen in real life. Unable to speak, still coming down from your high, you just stared at him, fucked numb, and he still didn’t even put his cock to good use yet. “Good,” Jaemin seemed satisfied as he caressed his abs, going down to the waistband of his grey sweats with a slow movement. He teased you like that for a second, loving the way your eyes were trained on his hard one. “You want it?” he asked with a smirk, palming it and outlining its form. “Yes,” you managed to say. Jaemin clicked his tongue. “You’re back to speaking now. Better do something about it,” he commented and took off his bottoms alongside his boxers. In a single movement, your legs were around his waist and the tip of his cock was tasting your entrance. Jaemin moved it up and down with his hand, spreading your abundant juices on it, making you almost whimper with expectation before finally filling you up slowly with a deep grunt. And you felt every centimetre of it, stretching you out, making the air leave your lungs in the same moment until you felt it hit far inside where no cock has possibly touched before. “Shit-” Jaemin whispered as you moaned, slowly making more space inside your tight walls by swiftly rolling his hips. He didn’t need to keep the pace low for a long time though as you quickly adjusted to his girth, high pitched pleasure whimpers leaving your rough throat instead of pained ones. Jaemin swore again, thrusting every time faster, grabbing your legs and putting them on his shoulders, hitting it from a better angle. "Louder, baby. I want to hear your moans." You bit your lower lip, the remnants of your brattiness lingering on your tongue. "Then make me moan, Jaemin-," and in that second you realized that you've fucked up. Jaemin descended in a breath, making your thighs touch your chest, one of his hands deeply pressed into the pillow, the other tightened around your throat. He was quick. Oh, he was so quick you felt like you were about to go blind. "Like this? Huh?" the creak of the bed and the slapping of the skin almost covering his teeth spoken questions. When you came you felt your eyes roll back and Jaemin finally let you inhale, oxygenating your fucked out brain. Little pleas slipped your trembling lips, imitating your shaking muscles. But Jaemin didn't stop until you felt his hot cum spurting deep inside of you, making you clench hard around him, finally hearing his choked moans as well. His hips moved and moved until you begged. “Jaemin, Jaem- I can’t, I can’t take this anymore." “You know what to say, angel. A single word and I’ll stop,” he reminded you. You bit your lower lip, staring at him in the eyes. “Oh, so you like it that much, huh? Like - a - little - slut," he accompanied each of his last four words with a deep thrust. "Your tight little pussy can’t take it anymore but you still want it, isn’t that right, princess? You like to be used like this, just as I please. You’re filled up so much that it’s dripping out, baby. Would you let me use your other pretty holes as well?” “Fuck, Jaemin, you’re driving me crazy,” you whined, a few warm tears collecting to the sides of your eyes. “Oh, my baby is crying because it’s that good? Do you love it? You want more of my cock, right?” he cooed sweetly. “Yes, yes, please,” you squirmed underneath him. “No,” he shook his head amused slipping out of your hot pussy, slapping your clit with his tip. You jolted and tugged at the handcuffs. Jaemin smiled and jerked his cock between your legs. "Oh, fuck," his voice darkened as his fingers wrapped his glistening cock, fucking himself while looking at your abused pussy. He was so hot, with strands of wet hair to hide his eyes, open red lips to let out deep grunts and his abs flinching when his thumb would press into the tip of his cock that a little whine escaped your lips. "Give it to me." Jaemin looked up at your begging face with a smirk, hand not slowing down at all. "Where do you want it?" You let your tongue out and you could visibly see the moment during which Jaemin forced a moan down his throat. In a second your arms were down and you sighed relieved as he silently unlocked the handcuffs. But you didn't live that pleasurable moment for long that your bruised wrists were grabbed again to make you stand up on your knees in front of him. Jaemin looked at your face for a short while, almost tenderly, eyes darting from your eyes to your lips, before he gripped your head and forced your on all fours, his other hand keeping his cock aligned to your face. You whimpered at the sudden movement but opened your mouth, looking up at Jaemin, waiting for him to do whatever he wanted to you. And he did just that. A choked moan vibrated up his length as he thrust on your tongue, making you taste yourself and his cum at once. Jaemin hummed once then whined, stopping the air inside his nose as if choking before releasing it with through his open mouth and it was so sexy that you desired to listen to his sounds forever. And they got louder as you bobbed your head, his hands loosely gripping your face before palming your shoulders and back, going further until reaching your ass and grabbing it, kneading your soft flesh, shoving himself even further inside your throat. Overstimulated, it took him less time to cum the second time and you loved it how briefly at your mercy he was when you let his cock out, a little string of saliva connecting your tongue to his tip, jerking him off until feeling his seed paint your face. "So fucking hot, fuck-," he groaned, staring down at your expression until you milked him all up.

Both breathless you just looked at each other until a little smile broke on your lips. He followed suit and chuckled, one trembling hand searching for his t-shirt to clean you up.

"Wait," he said when you sat up, putting one finger to your cheek and sucking it clean.

"Delicious," you raised one eyebrow. "Yeah, I bet," Jaemin replied sarcastic one hand sliding on your jaw while the other cleaned up your cheeks. You closed your eyes with a smile and waited for him to be done, not expecting the little peck he places on your lips.

When you opened your eyes surprised, Jaemin continued to pat your skin as if nothing happened.

"What was that?" you inquired.

The boy blinked at you innocently. "You had something on your lips."

Your smile grew. "And it's all off now? I think there's some left. Wanna check?"

Jaemin let the t-shirt go on the side in that instant and kissed you deeply, almost making you fall on your back. It was soft and careful, yet so intense that if you wouldn't have felt so spent it would have turned you on again. And maybe you still could go on for a while because when Jaemin tilted your head to the side and circled your tongue with his, you could have sworn that the heat between your legs came back stronger than ever.

"Wait here," he whispered on your skin and got up, letting you admire the back view until he disappeared outside the room.

With a deep sigh, you let yourself fall on the bed again, stretching your sore muscles, the realization that you've just had some mad sex slowly creeping in.

When Jaemin came back you were almost drifting to sleep, lulled by the sound of the rain.

"Come." A little whine rolled out of your lips as you opened your eyes again. Jaemin smiled looking at you for a few moments before sliding his arms under your knees and waist.

"Jaemin, wait, no-," you jolted awake but not being able to do anything besides wrapping your arms around his neck. "You can't carry me-," but he shushed you and in a few moments you were already in the bathroom, the hot water still filling the bathtub.

He put you down and held your waist when you realized your legs were still wobbly and helped you step inside the soapy water. When he followed suit, placing himself behind you and pulling you towards him, you felt your cheeks on fire.

"You alright?" he whispered, hands already trained on your body, massaging your body softly.

You nodded and inhaled sharply as he traced your bust with two fingers, going down between your legs. "Jaemin-," your thighs closed around his wrist while your face pressed on his bicep to your left.

His soft chuckle brushed against your temple. "I'm not doing anything. Just cleaning you out," he had the courage to say. When you arched your back he retrieved his hand and grabbed a soft loofah. With gentle and careful strokes, he passed it on your skin starting from the chest and shoulders then going down on your torso, giving a little bit too much attention to your breasts. Too turned on but also embarrassed about him washing you up, you could just stare at the way the bubbly water dripped on your skin and when he ordered you to turn around, you couldn't bear to look at him in the eyes. Hands on our ankles, as you rested your back to the other side of the tub, he worked your legs up slowly, enjoying the view and your shy expression maybe too much.

"You're so beautiful," he commented in a low, playful tone and you felt like asking him to get you off for the nth time that night.

Perhaps it showed on your face or maybe he could read minds, but when he reached your inner thighs, he let he loofah float and touched you with his fingers, pulling you towards him until you straddled his lap.

"The bet is off now. You can insult me just like before," he smirked while his fingers made their way between your aching folds.

The breath you inhaled was shaky and you had to press your forehead against his, your hands restless on his wet shoulders.

"I wasn't like that because of the bet," you confessed and Jaemin's pupils visibly trembled while his lips curved in a little smile. "And I'm not like this now because of it either."

A low sound vibrated in Jaemin's chest before he whispered against your open mouth.

"So you saying that you're actually a good girl?"

You nodded, unable to speak as the boy's fingers picked up the pace on your clit.

"I know," he placed a peck on the corner of your mouth, "you're such a good girl," a peck on your jaw, "especially for me" a peck on your neck.

You exhaled with a whine and let your head fall back, digging your nails into his skin, finally being able to touch him as you've wanted to do before. Jaemin took the opportunity to let his lips descend to your nipples, sucking them inside the warmth of his mouth, twirling the buds with his wet tongue until it was unbearable for you to not moan his name uncontrollably.

Your body was all mush when you came again with an almost scream, pulling his head against your chest until his fingertips left your throbbing clit and traced your thigh, going around it and palming your ass. When you finally unclenched your arms from around his neck, he looked up from between the swell of your breasts with a soft giggle.

"Sorry," you mumbled but he shook his head, a kind of adoration in his eyes that you've never seen before.

"I loved it-," he started but stopped abruptly afterwards, as if not wanting to let the words aching on his tongue to roll freely.

You sat down deeper on his thighs until your eyes were at the same level.

"And?" you touched his chest slowly, fingers still trembling from the high.

He swallowed, mind running at an incredibly high speed reflected in his suddenly troubled eyes.

"And I think that-- fuck, I might love you as well."

Oh.

It made your whole body shake again.

Jaemin noticed and you wondered what kind of expression you had on to make him look so worried all of a sudden.

"Is it too much? Too soon?" he cupped your face with one hand.

You couldn't look him in the eyes. "I don't know-- I just-"

Jaemin shushed you. "It's alright. You don't have to do or say anything."

You shook your head and raised your gaze. "I just- I really want to let myself go and believe it."

The boy stayed silent for a moment as if wondering what his next words should be and you hated it. Nights and nights of talking freely with him made you understand how refreshing it was to be yourself and not walk on eggshells around people. And you knew that Jaemin felt the same. Seeing him now, delicate fingers on your skin as if afraid to break you, made your heart ache.

"You care too much, Jaemin. Don't worry about me like this. We've talked about it."

Jaemin briefly licked his lower lip. "How can I not care about you when no one has cared about you before?"

And you choked on the amount of tears that suddenly made your vision blurry.

The boy pulled you towards him and you rested your forehead on his shoulder. "I know," he talked with a shaky voice, "I know I'm too kind and all that stuff and everything you've said is true, I need to change for my own sake, but-," his arms held you even more tightly, "not when it comes to you. I want to be like that with you. And I'm going to change, yes, I'll say no and refuse to do things people ask of me if this is what you want."

His words didn't make your sobs slow down but you raised your face and touched his cheeks.

"Then I want you to care about yourself the way you care about me, Jaemin."

"I care about myself now, because you care about me."

You chuckled. "That's still doing stuff for other people." Jaemin smiled and stroked your under eye with his thumbs. "It's not for other people. It's for you. Because I love you, Y/N."

You bit your lower lip as a new tide of tears announced their way.

“I never said I care about you though,” your lower lip trembled after you let it go. “You don’t have to say it.” “I hate you.” “Yeah,” he kissed your lips. “And I don’t like cuddles and I don’t like breakfast.” “Yeah,” he kissed you again.

And again.

Until you didn’t let him go anymore and he was sure of being loved back.

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kixa · 3 years

Text

Dad!𝕲𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖘𝖙𝖆

*Gangsta characters as dads*

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚠𝚒𝚌𝚔

↳ So with Worwick being a former prostitute he’s kind of new to the actual dating scene

↳ Meaning the whole commitment thing is kind of hard for him

↳ So when your baby boy was born he definitely was caught off guard

↳ Even though you’re both new to parent hood he struggles A LOT

↳ Plus the baby is a momma’s boy so he cries whenever Worwick even steps in the room

“Y/n…what baby food should I give him? The carrots or the peas? Oh wait we ran out of the carrots, peas it is. I have an- *baby starts crying* ah shit, ok beautiful I hope you get this message love you.” *beep*

“Um so he hasn’t stopped crying…I’m holding him right now and he won’t calm down. I don’t why he’s crying is he hungry? Or does his diaper need to be changed? *sniff sniff* no he’s good. But please answer the phone I don’t know what I’m doing [practically panicking] ok bye.” *beep*

“Ok I’m sorry I keep calling *pant* but he stopped crying and now he’s running around the house *pant* butt naked *pant* I’m trying to get him in the bath but he’s so fast…’come back here!’ Anyways what shampoo and conditioner should I use? *THUD..cue crying* oh crap he just ran into a wall I’ll call you later bye love you” *beep*

◇ ◇ ◇

You frantically drove home after you noticed the multiple missed calls. You had to work a late shift tonight so Worwick was on baby duty. You called him anxiously only to be left to voicemail which really worried you. As soon as you reached your door you’re fumbling with your keys to get inside the apartment. Throwing your bags on the floor you called out to Worwick and your son hoping to get a response. You quickly searched the rooms only to be stopped when you reach your son’s room. The sight left you heartwarmed and speechless. Worwick and your son were curled up together in his crib like two big babies. It was sweet and a little funny to look at; Worwik’s big frame in the small crib and small drooling from the both of them. You softly smiled at their soft snores as you settled a blanket on them. Walking out quietly you turned off the lights leaving the little dragonfly night light on.

𝙽𝚒𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚜

↳When you got into your relationship you already knew a little sign language but Nicolas helped you learn a lot more

↳ So it was a given that your daughter was going to learn sign language also

↳ She caught on pretty quickly at a young age

↳ Signing for milk and food, and yall are so proud of her

↳ Especially Nicolas because he didn’t learn to sign until he was older so he had never seen a child sign before

↳ But anyways he’s great with children so your daughter is naturally attracted to him

↳ They do basically everything together

◇ ◇ ◇

Nicolas was confused as to why his daughter dragged him to her room. She had him sit down at her tea party table. He looked to the chair under him afraid he might break it with his weight, once he looked back up he was greeted with his daughter’s bright face with a make up box in hand. Once again he was puzzled as to what was happening, he signed asking what she was doing and she signed ‘you’ll see’ with a smile. Mind you Nicolas is new to all this and he’s never had nieces or nephews. So when he feels the delicate brush on his face he’s not alarmed it actually feels nice. Everything’s all good until he feels something damp on his lips. He pulls away signing frantically asking what was being put on his lips. She signed that he had messed it up but handed him a hand mirror anyway. His eyes got so wide and he just paused staring at himself in shock. You opened the door to your apartment setting down your stuff, you noticed that your daughter and Nicolas were not in the living room. Overhearing giggling from your daughter’s room you went to inquire. What you were welcomed with not only shocked you but earned a stifled chuckle from you. Nicolas Brown face full of makeup looking like drunk makeup gone wrong. His now painted ruby lips were pulled into a frown. Your daughter beamed obviously proud of her work. She hesitated but began to sign asking if he had liked it (the makeup). He paused thinking for a moment he picked up the hand mirror again examining his face. Once he lowered the mirror he looked to you then to his daughter. Without a smile nor frown he signed to his daughter that he liked the stuff on his face (he was sincere) then got up and ruffled her hair. She replied with a tight hug to his leg. As he made his way to you, you couldn’t contain your laughter, but it would soon be cut short after a little hand started to drag you to somewhere. “Your turn mommy/daddy,” your daughter exclaimed. Your mood immediately changed and now you were in the same position Nico was a couple seconds ago. Sitting down you looked back at Nicolas who was now leaving the room with a devious smirk knowing that you were in for a ‘ride’.

𝙳𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚘

↳ He’s very dense and stand offish so you kind of carry the relationship

↳ But when you guys had your baby girl he became a little more open and curious about the situation

↳ He was still pretty dense though, of course not knowing how to take care of a child

↳ And oddly enough your daughter favors him more

↳ It didn’t help that they were almost the same, personality wise

◇ ◇ ◇

This was a competition; your infant was now placed in-between you and Delico. You cooing and talking in a baby voice to get your daughter to crawl to you while Delico just sat there looking between you and the baby. The infant sat with a dazed look switching from side to side looking to you and Delico. You started to cheer louder and make weird noises to get your baby to come to you, hoping that she would make her way over to you. She looked back to her father seeing if there was any indication that he wanted her to come to him. But there was nothing he just stared at her like she did him. They stared at each other for a long time until it was like she was in a trance or their souls linked or something, because she completely drowned you out and started to to crawl towards Delico. So when she reached him he picked her up with a light smile and she let out a cute giggle. You let out an audible gasp in disappointment but not in surprise. Even though the whole thing was a joke it did kind of hurt but it made you happy. Looking at the baby happily coo in Delico’s arms was soothing. You were startled out of your daydream when you had seen Delico and your baby right in front of you. It was almost scary how identical they were especially with their facial expressions. Yours eyes shifted back and forth between them wondering what was happening. Your baby girl had stuck out her hands as if to grab you, you leaned your face closer to her until she could touch your face with her tiny hands. After holding your face for a couple seconds you glanced over to Delico who was smiling softly again. His long white eyelashes shading his welcoming eyes, you smiled back. Turning your attention back to your daughter you saw that she was bringing your face closer to hers clumsily. By now you had caught on to what she was doing so you happily provided your cheek. She pressed a kiss to your cheek and it had to be the cutest thing ever. Afterwards you scooped her up and started to pepper her face with loving kisses while she giggled.

#🔪#💛#🍌#xandrigirl #<33333 #gangsta x reader #gangsta #worwick x reader #nicolas x reader #delico x reader #non binary reader #dad au #this is so cute #i’m soft🥺#i want babies with these men #im just 🥰🥰🥰#😊

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longlivetv · 2 years

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🐣🐨🦔🐢🐄🐸🐧🦭

DID YOU LIKE MY COUNTDOWN!? That was fun! I had fun. That was actually more fun than I thought it would be! There were too many good posts to name. It was very fun reading all your comments and theories. Though side note: animal anon has no problem with people joining her BUT it must be animals and it must not mess with my countdown. No statues! Animal anon does animals, not statues. Side side note: can someone settle the debate of if that emoji is a hedgehog or a porcupine? Because I have no idea. Side note side note side note: sorry if you got multiple asks in a day...my system isn't perfected yet so sometimes I send two (or three) because I forgot I sent one and didn't want to accidently miss anyone (also sorry if i did miss you, still perfecting the system, no one has been animal anon blacklisted, i promise!)

Anyway, GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 It's been one year since I started animal anon! How exciting is that?! Phew, what a year we've had together! I mean what better way to start this second year than some chaos since that's how animal anon started to begin with! I will admit, it was slightly stressful coming up with something to meet the occasion of this event. I hope the countdown and this post live up to it. No, I'm not going to reveal myself just yet.. maybe that will be for year 2...😏😏. BUT I will give you some fun facts about me! So let's see; first, I'm from the Midwest (so not Canadian, but close so I do have a slight accent), but I currently live in the TriState area. Second, I am a MASSIVE theater nerd. No, seriously I have been to 21 shows since Broadway reopened in September and I'm actually going to my 22nd tonight. I don't know if this makes that fact better or worse, but I've really only been to about 12 different show because out of those 22, 10 of those are one specific show. Third, I am fluent in German and English. Though, I suck at writing in German, I never learned how to, so don't ask me to do that please. Fourth, my favorite color is red, so you can guess my favorite Taylor album (and coincidently also the show I've been to see 10 times on Broadway...). Fifth, I love to talk A LOT if you couldn't tell by the essays I send yall. And lastly, I can also confirm I am not Taylor...but I will say that I do share something very important with her... tell me your guesses down below as to what very important thing you think Taylor and I have in common, and I'll send some extra animals to whomever I see gets it right first!

So contuining on with my dissertation here, this week I have been trying to figure out a prompt to live up to this occasion. As I already mentioned, my system isn't perfect! And I've been thinking a lot about community lately and how that's been lacking for so many because of Covid. So what I want yall to do is if you get this dissertation of mine, please send a message, post, anon, whatever you want to at least 1 other blog (though you can do more), telling them something you like about them and giving them an animal emoji! That way we can keep spreading the love all day long to as many as possible! 🥰

As always, you are all brilliant, kind, worthy, beautiful and as this past week has shown, hilarious and unique human beings. No seriously, some of your posts had me kneeling over in laughter. If you would so like, you can tag #animalanon so I and everyone can read all your lovely posts! IM STARTING EARLY TODAY SO WE CAN PARTY ALL DAY LONG BECAUSE I LOVE YALL SO MUCH 🎊 🦥🦁🐯

HAPPY ONE YEAR!!!! That’s so exciting!!!

As for my guess about what you share with Taylor, I think it might be your birthday? Because her birthday is very important to her. And also apparently proximity to Broadway, but I don’t think that’s what you were thinking. What I do know for sure you share is her generosity and kindness 💕

As for me, we share the Midwest as our place of origin, and the fact we no longer live there.

Thank you so much for all the excitement this week, it’s been a wonderful ride 🦄

#thanks for the ask 💕#animal anon

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mystic-headcanons · 4 years

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i got this idea in my head and had to write it out! this is kinda like an insecure/jealous mc? (pls forgive my writing. it has been a hot sec since i’ve written anything.)

this is kinda long so imma just place it under the cut.

ZEN:

♪ you were used to people flirting with your boyfriend ♪ he’s incredibly talented, handsome, funny, sweet, etc. etc. so of course, women and men and anyone in between flirted with him. ♪ you generally didn’t mind it, since they usually backed off once they saw that he was dating you. ♪ however, this one girl would not. stop. going after him. ♪ they were both leads in an upcoming musical, and she would constantly flirt with him during breaks and after rehearsals ♪ zen hated being rude- especially towards women- and had a hard time getting her to back off ♪ you, however, were not like that ♪ you didn’t exactly see her flirting with him until you had stopped by one day to pick him up from rehearsals, deciding to take him out for dinner. ♪ and once you saw just how uncomfortable he was with this woman flirting, you marched right over to them. ♪ your arms immediately went around his waist as you pressed a chaste peck to his lips before turning to the woman with a smile and a glare. ♪ “hi, i’m his girlfriend. nice to meet you!” ♪ zen lowkey thought it was cute that you were like that, and loved teasing you about it after he showered you in affection. ♪ (“you know you’re the only person for me, right?” zen would mumble late at night, once the both of you were tucked away in bed. ♪ “i would choose you over and over again, over anything or anyone else in the world.”)

JUMIN HAN:

🍷 here’s the thing: you were lowkey insecure in your relationship. 🍷 jumin was an incredible man- very intelligent, caring, honest, and extremely attractive 🍷 you...didn’t really think he was in your league. at all. 🍷 so when work parties and social gatherings rolled around and you had to stand there and watch as woman after woman came up to jumin, it was hard to bite back the jealousy 🍷 jumin usually didn’t return the advances, and the only time he did was when he was trying to make a business deal. 🍷 you knew that, and you were perfectly fine with that- he never went past a few compliments here and there, and you trusted him. 🍷 some of the women you didn’t trust, though. especially the one who kept touching his arm and leaning in a little too close for your comfort when you were at a work event. 🍷 you could see how nervous jumin was starting to get, and you immediately went to his side once he spotted you and waved you over. 🍷 a smug look spread over your face as he kissed the top of your head before introducing you as his fiancee. 🍷 (after the party, you’d confess your insecurities to him. he’d press a soft kiss to your forehead before wrapping his arms around you. 🍷 “i love you,” he’d say, his voice quiet, “and nothing and no one will ever change that. you are the only person i will ever want to spend the rest of my life with.”)

SAEYOUNG CHOI // 707:

💻 saeyoung had been talking to this woman for over ten minutes now, and you were lowkey getting upset. 💻 now, you never really felt insecure or jealous in your relationship. saeyoung was constantly showering you in affection and told you how happy you made him, how he was able to be himself because of you. 💻 that doesn’t mean that you never feel insecure or jealous, because the more saeyoung kept talking to her, the more upset you became. 💻 (you didn’t wanna say anything because you didn’t wanna seem controlling, or upset him, so you just stayed silent by his side.) 💻 here’s the thing: the woman in front of you was very smart and could keep up with what saeyoung was saying and could hold a conversation about computers and technology with him. 💻 and she seemed so nice! she didn’t flirt with him in front of you and tried to include you in the conversation. 💻 you tried to hide your jealousy after she left, but saeyoung knew you very well and knew something was up. 💻 both of you finished your shopping fairly quickly before heading home, and your hand was held tight in saeyoung’s the entire way home. 💻 (once you were both in the comfort of your house, saeyoung would turn to you and give you a soft, amused smile. “were you jealous?” he’d ask, reaching forward to grab your hands and tug you in close. 💻 he could see right through your denial, and instead fondly shook his head. “you and me and the space station, remember? the love i have for you is the forever type, and that’s not gonna change.”)

JAEHEE KANG:

☕ jealousy was a common occurrence for you. ☕ men loved to flirt with jaehee right in front of you, even as you were holding her hand or kissing her cheek. ☕ they always thought you were just gal pals, which just pissed you off even more tbh ☕ this one guy though, jaehee really hit it off with. he was more subtle with his flirting which was why she didn’t notice it. ☕ you did, however. ☕ and you were just silently pouting by her side while shooting the man daggers with your eyes. ☕ though, you weren’t just silently pouting once he tried giving jaehee his number. ☕ you took it instead and looked right into his eyes as you ripped it up. “sorry, she’s dating me.” ☕ jaehee couldn’t hide her small smile as she dragged you away from the man. ☕ (”you don’t have to worry about me leaving you, y’know.” jaehee would say, glancing over at you as she squeezed your hand and smiled. ☕ “there is not a future that i’ve imagined without you in it. i want you by my side throughout everything, and that will never change.”

YOOSUNG KIM:

☆ this boy never even notices anyone else when you’re around ☆ he’s oblivious when people flirt with him, and you usually never have to feel jealous since he never goes more than five minutes without bringing you up ☆ but. he was studying for a test with a girl from his class, and even though he didn’t notice the flirting, you sure as hell did ☆ she was leaning closer to him and kept on whispering and giggling, and you could feel the jealousy flare up. ☆ you had arrived to his campus to surprise him with a lunch date- he had been talking about how stressed he was lately and you wanted to surprise him. ☆ and once you saw the girl with him, you decided to make your presence known. ☆ you walked up behind him and gave him a kiss on the head, relishing in the bright smile that immediately stretched across his lips. ☆ he enthusiastically introduced you before you could introduce yourself ☆ yoosung definitely noticed the looks you kept sending the girl- especially when she wouldn’t stop her subtle flirting ☆ once you were both walking away from the campus, he’d speak up. ☆ (”you don’t have to be jealous.” yoosung said, lifting your hand up and pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. “i don’t notice anyone else but you.” ☆ (”i love you too much to notice anyone else. i even love you more than lolol. so you don’t have to worry, yeah? i’m not going anywhere.”)

SAERAN CHOI // RAY:

🗡 you don’t get the chance to feel jealous with him 🗡 no one really approaches him, and if they do, they see you tucked into his side, see the way he looks at you and how he’s just a bit softer with you 🗡 and they’d know that they wouldn’t stand a chance. 🗡 (on the off chance that you do get jealous, saeran is ready to comfort you. “you stuck by me throughout everything.” he’d say, taking a minute to find the right words as he gently held your hand in both of his. 🗡 “i would not be where i am today without you. i don’t-- i honestly don’t even know if i’d be alive. i’m not gonna leave you. ever.”)

JIHYUN KIM // V:

📷 jihyun is the sweetest boy around, so of course he never really notices when people flirt with him 📷 he genuinely just thinks they’re being nice. 📷 you do get jealous sometimes- it seems like every time you go out, someone comes up to him. 📷 and you understand it! jihyun is a pure and loving soul- the kind that pulls you in right away. but he was also yours, and you tried your best to make it known without making your jealousy obvious. 📷 (jihyun notices your jealousy. he always does- he might be oblivious with other people, but he’s always known you a little better than you know yourself. so when you were out of the public eye, he’d wrap you up in his arms and hold you close to him. 📷 “out of everywhere that i’ve traveled. every person i’ve met, every town i’ve been to, i’ve never seen anything quite as breathtaking as you. you’re the only person i think i’ll ever love like this.”)

yall my inbox is open if u wanna send requests oWo

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger headcanons #mysmes zen #mysmes ray #mysmes 707 #mysmes v #mysmes yoosung #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #jaehee kang #jihyun kim #hyun ryu #yoosung kim

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uniquecreations · 4 years

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Workplace Lover Pt. 3

This story is the final part from Workplace Lover part 1 & part 2.

It had been a few months since I last hung out with Ron outside of work, things between Alton and I had basically died after our last conversation. We were cordial while we were at work and only spoke outside of work when it was work related. Ron was in the process of getting a new job and that was a bit bittersweet because other than us not hanging out as much now then I wouldn’t have anyone to help me get thru those tough days at work. He would always tell me that nothing would change between us, but I knew it would change because with his new job, I knew that he wouldn’t have as much of free time to hang out.

We were working at a local store on Ron’s last day and I wanted to hurry up and end early because I had set up a lil going away office party for him. Things were going great until Alton decided that he wanted to be petty and fuck up everything he was counting. It was becoming very annoying because I knew he was doing this shit on purpose. After another 20 mins of recounting I finally told him to leave because he was no use to me at that moment. I should have known that would cause a problem between us later, but I would deal with that when it came. Eventually, we got thru the rest of the counts and made our way back to the office for the party. Of course, my workday wasn’t over just yet because I had to close out the store we counted, that caused a problem with Ron. He cussed me out more times than a little bit until I gave in and decided to finish the work when I got home that night.

The party was not all that great at first, everyone was being a bit uptight because we were still on company property. All that went out the window when Doris came in with a few gallons of Daiquiri's, things began to loosen up and then it became a real party. Music was blasting, food was served, and everyone dancing and having a good time while we had the opportunity. While I was talking with some of our coworkers, I felt a tap on my shoulder and when I turned around it was Alton standing there looking at me like he wanted to fight.

“I need to talk to you about something.” He said to me just above a whisper.

“Ok but if you about to start some shit then you can save your breath because I’m not about to deal with this bullshit right now.” I said looking him directly in his eyes. We walked down the shopping center where our office was in, once we were away from the crowd, we stopped, and the silence was starting to annoy me. “So, what you wanna talk about Alton?”

“About this thing between us and how I felt played you sent me home today for no reason at all.”

“Are you serious right now dude, you know exactly why I sent you home, it was because you were purposely fucking shit up because you knew what we were doing today for Ron. Now as far as this thing between us goes……… it should have been clear to you by now but in case it isn’t then let me be clear. The most we can ever be is coworkers, nothing more, nothing less, you have a lot of issues that I’m not willing to deal with from a nigga I’m dating or in a relationship with. Your jealousy is a tad bit scary and I have been down that road before and I can’t afford to do it again.”

“So, you are saying that because I was a little overprotective of you, it was mistaken for jealousy?”

“It’s a major difference between protecting and jealousy, what you were showing me, and your actions was not protecting me at all, it was all jealousy. That’s just the beginning tho because you also have very controlling ways as well and in case you haven’t figured it out, I’m not a puppy or some other form of animal that you say sit or stay and I obey your command Alton.”

“Man, you are tripping for real now with all these lies and shit you spitting out yo mouth, you know good and damn well I’m none of those things.” He said squinting his eyes at me.

“If you say so but you and I can be nothing past coworkers, I would say we can be friends, but we saw where that lead us and now are we done here because I have a party to get to?”

“I guess dude, but I still feel you dead wrong for telling lies about me.”

“Alton, nothing I said was a lie you know it and I do as well.” I said trying to walk away but he stopped me by grabbing my arm. “Alton…... don’t put your hands on me.” I said jerking my arm away from him.

“My bad Jaye but you always walking off from me when I’m trying to get to the bottom of things between us.”

“The thing about that is this……. Yes, what we had was fun but it’s over now because you can’t get a grip on your jealousy and wannabe controlling ways. All that came after I told you about some of the things I went thru. That was the thing that made me conclude that we are not meant to be together and that’s the part you not seeing.”

“How about we start over and go back to the beginning?” He asked touching my arm.

“How about not……... I’m not trying to go there with anyone right now, I have to much going on so thanks but no thanks.” I said and turned around, walked off, and resumed the party that was going on.

About 4 months had passed since the going away party and since I last heard from Alton, I still talked to Ron almost every other day and made plans that we almost never kept. The weekend before my birthday I wanted to go out and do something I didn’t do since I was a little boy and that was fish. I asked Ron to come but he told me he had to work so I just invited a few of my cousins instead. I made it to the spot where we were supposed to be meeting up at, I was a bit surprised that I was the only one that made it early because I was usually the one that was late. I sat in the car for about 10 mins before I saw another car pulling up, when it got near me, I saw that it was my cousin.

“About damn time you showed up; I was starting to think nobody was going to come.” I said to her once we got out our cars.

“Shut up I had a long night……. Don’t ask.”

“I guess but let’s get started so I can collect on that bet.” I said laughing.

“I don’t know why you would want to bet me knowing I’m going to crush yo ass on catching these fish.”

“I hear ya but make sure you have my funds bitch.” I said laughing as we got our stuff set up for the day.

Half the morning went by and we were what and what with the amount of fish we caught. I was reeling in the last fish I caught when I heard another car coming from behind us. I didn’t bother looking back because I knew it was probably the other cousin that was supposed to be here hours ago. I went to put my fish in the cooler and looked back to see the car that pulled in wasn’t my cousin, it was Ron. He walked up to where we were and looked at us like we were crazy.

“I thought you had to work with yo lying ass.” I said throwing a piece of ice at him out the cooler.

“I know you aint just throw that nasty ass ice on me……… and I did have to work but I left early so I could come out to this raggedy ass place.” He said sitting in my chair.

“Well shouldn’t I feel lucky that you actually made time for your friend.” I said rolling my eyes.

“You should bastard, I didn’t have to waste my gas and since we are talking about that, wasn’t it you the one cancelled on me the last few times?”

“You fucking liar.” I said and he burst out laughing.

“I swear if I didn’t know any better……. I would swear yall were an old married couple as much as yall be into it.” My cousin said reeling in another fish.

“Because he is an asshole.” I said throwing my reel back out into the water, once my reel was secure in the water, I attempted to sit down but instead I hit the ground hard. “You are such a bitch bruh.” I said looking at them both laughing.

“That’s what yo ass get for talking shit.” We stayed out for a few more hours before my cousin conceded defeat, paid me the bet and left to go home. I was packing up my things with Ron when he pulled me into a headlock. “What else you want to do today punk?” He asked while I was still in the headlock.

“I might be going to jail if yo dumbass don’t let me go.” I said pinching him in the side. “But I don’t have anything planned but going give these fish to one of my uncles and then go home.”

“Boring ass, let’s go out and get fucked up bruh.” He said.

“Ok but I’m not driving and also you know you have to get permission from your boo first.” I said laughing.

“You do know I’m a grown ass man, right? Plus, we not on good terms right now anyway.” He said shaking his head.

“Being sprung have nothing to do with being grown it just mean you forgot how to be a man, and when are yall on good terms?” I said while getting in my car.

“Nah that’s your territory messing with them lame ass niggas but I’ma be over at 8 so be ready.” He said mushing my head.

“Put yo hands on me again and I’ma tase yo ass bitch.”

We both left from where we were, I went to go get rid of the fish we caught but got held up talking to my uncle as per usual. When I looked at the time it was approaching 5 o’clock and I still haven’t made it home yet. I finally reached my house after about 5:30, I still needed to take a shower and pick out some clothes for tonight. After taking a shower, I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked to my closet to find something to wear. I picked out my clothes and went laid across the bed, I didn’t plan on going to sleep but my body had a different agenda than I did. I was woken up by someone banging on my door like they had lost they damn mind. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who it was because it was only one person, I know who would do stupid shit like that.

“I swear you act like you aint got the sense God gave a mule.” I said swinging the door open and looking at Ron.

“And I’m sick of yo ass always late for every damn thing and why the hell you don’t have on clothes Jaye?” He said looking at me and shaking his head.

“Because I dozed off after I showered, but it won’t take long for me to get dressed.” I said walking back to my room.

“You say that shit all the time and it still take you over an hour……. Hurry up.” He said throwing a pillow off the couch at me.

“Shut the fuck up, and I told you about coming over here fucking up my house.” I went into the room and begin looking at the outfit I chose to wear. I decided to change it up a little but nothing to major, I grabbed my phone and started playing music to get me in the mood for the night. I put on my playlist and began getting dressed, no sooner than I slid on my underwear, I heard Ron in the living room talking loud ass hell. I paid him no mind because his girlfriend always found a way to make him feel guilty about having fun or doing things without her. I looked down and realized that I was ashy as hell, I grabbed my lotion and began putting it on.

“Did anyone ever tell you that you got a girl booty?” Ron said from behind me.

“If you don’t get the fuck outta my room talking bout nonsense.” I said trying to cover myself up.

“You need to hurry up because I most definitely need a drink now.”

“Go look in the cabinet…… I think I have something in there you can drink……... I know how you get stressed when she grabs you by the balls.” I said laughing.

“You always running yo gums about shit you don’t know what you’re talking about.” He said irritated, I looked back at him and could see the frustration on his face.

“Aww I’m sorry sweetheart you want a hug.” I said holding my arms open, he laughed and shook his head.

“You not about to touch me while you half naked, now get dressed and let’s go.” He said about to walk out my room.

“Don’t hate cause I look better than yo bitch, now get out.” I said pushing him out my room, the next thing I knew, I felt a sharp sting on my right ass cheek where this nigga had slapped it. “You are a fucking bitch, I swear I’ma shoot you in the mouth.” I said rubbing my aching ass.

“I got something for a mouth but it aint no bullet.” He said before walking out my room.

After me getting dressed and taking the shots he fixed us, we got in the car and headed out. We were laughing and talking the entire ride to the bar, I was beginning to feel those drinks he made us that we drank before we left out. His phone kept going off interrupting almost every song that was playing thru his stereo, after about the tenth time, I was starting to get frustrated.

“Either you check it or put the fucker on airplane mode because this shit is annoying the hell out of me.” I said looking at him.

“That aint nobody but Jakayla, I told you we into right now, but I may have downplayed it a little.” He said.

“You wanna talk about it or not?”

“I will tell you later right now I wanna have fun and ignore that dumb shit.” He said as we pulled into the bar parking lot.

“I swear you do that shit all the time, like we haven’t been friends for a damn good while now.”

“Boy if you don’t chill yo overly sensitive ass out with all that……… I’ma talk to you about it but I’ma tell you when I’m ready.” He said laughing. I looked at him, popped him upside the head and got out the car before he could hit me back. Once we made it in the club, the first thing I wanted to do was go to the bar. Ron came to the side of me and nodded towards a group of people. Upon further inspection, it was most of my team from work.

I couldn’t tell you how many drinks I had or where they were coming from but, I was having the most fun I had in years. I looked across the dance floor and saw Ron dancing with some girl, I looked in another direction and saw his girlfriend walking thru the door. I knew this was about to turn out bad, so I broke away from the group and tried to get to Ron before she saw him. When I reached him, I leaned in and whispered in his ear that his girl just walked in.

“I know.” He said winking at me and going back to dancing with the chick. I smirked and went back across the club to the group. I didn’t know what he was planning nor did I care at that point. I went back to dancing with my friends when someone came up behind me and tapped me on the ass. I looked back and it was Jakayla- Ron’s girlfriend.

“Hey baby…… Happy Birthday!!!!!!!” She said hugging me.

“Hey, thank you, I didn’t know you were coming.” I said smiling at her.

“It’s your freaking birthday dude, I wouldn’t have missed this no matter what.” She said looking around the club. Then she started laughing, I followed her eyes as they landed on Ron dancing with that girl. “If he wanted to make me show my ass then he should’ve picked someone who wasn’t his cousin…… dumbass.”

“Girl he a mess and a half but come on I will buy you a drink.” I said walking with her to the bar. We sat down, ordered our drinks, and was laughing and cracking jokes when Ron came up and plucked my ear.

“I told you I was going to get you back……. What up Kay?” He said smirking at her, she looked at him and shook her head.

“I swear you are the dumbest nigga I know, you trying to make me act up by you dancing with some thot……. Maybe you should have pick someone other than your cousin I hang with every other day.”

“Jakayla nobody was trying to make you do nothing and if I wanted to, I could pull any chick in here I wanted so shut that shit up. Overly dramatic ass.” He said laughing and walking off towards the bathroom.

“I swear yall are a mess.” I said laughing and drinking out my glass, she was about to respond when her phone lit up. She looked at it and scoffed.

“I swear I can’t catch a fucking break man; this girl didn’t show up for her shift tonight so guess who have to go in.”

“I know all about that trust me……. when you have to go in?”

“In a few……... where is your lil boo at?” She said looking around the club.

“I don’t have a lil boo bitch you tried it.” I said laughing with her. Ron came back from the bathroom and joined us; Jakayla left after about another 20 minutes to go to work.

“You look drunk as fuck.” Ron said drinking my last drink.

“Didn’t you say we should get fucked up? And bitch you are buying me another drink with yo big head ass.” I said standing up.

“Fuck you, come on let’s hit up waffle house……. I’m hungry as hell and I know you aint got no food at yo house.” He said standing up as well.

“You buying? It is my birthday after all.” We left out and was driving on the highway when I looked over at him, he looked like he was in deep thought. I didn’t bother asking him what was wrong because I knew he wasn’t going to tell me anyway. Once we made it to waffle house, it was packed so we got our food to go because I was not about to sit in there around all those people.

After we finished eating, I was a bit more sober than I was before, now I was kinda sleepy. I looked over at Ron and this nigga was knocked out. I went into my room to get some clothes out for a shower when my phone buzzed. It was Alton wishing me a happy birthday, I replied, ‘thank you’ and went took a shower, I went into the second bedroom and pulled a pillow and cover of the bed. I went into the living room to see Ron still asleep on my couch. I tossed the cover and pillow to the side of him, I took off his shoes and helped put him in a comfortable position before going back into my room. I slowly started to fall asleep after spending nearly 20 minutes playing on my phone.

“Jaye?” I heard Ron yell from my room door scaring the piss out of me.

“Bitch I swear I’m going to fuck you up. You always doing something stupid.” I said throwing a pillow at him.

“Shut up…… I’m about to head to the house.”

“Ron it’s late and you’ve been drinking, just stay here and leave in the morning.” I said sitting up in the bed.

“I don’t have any clothes and I need a shower, I’m good now that I got a nap.”

“I have some clean shorts and tee shirts and I have underwear still in the pack now go take a shower and I will get them out for you. I don’t wanna hear yo damn mouth either.” I said getting out the bed to get the clothes. He didn’t say anything, he just rolled his eyes and went in the bathroom. A few minutes later I heard the shower turn on. I hated being woken up because it would be hard as hell for me to go back to sleep. I got the clothes out for Ron, then I went into the kitchen to fix another drink. After I made it back into my room, I sat down on the bed and turned on a movie I knew I wouldn’t finish.

“Where the clothes at pussy?” Ron said walking into my room a few minutes after he finished showering with nothing on but a towel. I have seen him shirtless many times but him being practically naked in my bedroom put me in a daze. “Nigga did you hear me?” He said knocking me out my daze.

“Oh, umm right there on the dresser.” I said pointing to where I put the clothes. He looked at me and smirked before walking over to get the clothes.

“You aint fix me a drink?” I looked over to him just as he dropped the towel from his waist.

“Umm, I can fix you one.” I said trying to pretend I wasn’t looking at him. I got up out the bed and was walking to the door when he did something that I wasn’t expecting. He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me to him. I didn’t know what he was up to nor did I care, the only thing I could focus on was his dick starting to harden on my ass.

No words were spoken for the next 20 minutes as we made out. The way he was making me feel in this moment was something I could and probably would never forget. His dick was huge, and I could barely fit it in my mouth, but I managed to do so with scathing him with my teeth. His moans were music to my ears and forced me to give him my best. I was surprised when he bent me over the bed and buried his tongue deep in my ass. He was eating my ass so good that I didn’t want him to stop. He continued to eat me for about 15 minutes before stopping and making me slide up in the bed. I reached over in my nightstand drawer and grabbed the lube I had stashed there from my last jackoff session.

He took his time and he was patient while trying to get his dick in me. Once we found our rhythm, I could see why Jakayla was so crazy over this nigga. He had me moaning so loud and I’m sure I probably spoke gibberish a few times as well. As I laid on my back, this nigga was fucking me like he had a point to prove. The more I scratched his back, the harder he went, after about another 20 minutes of him fucking my brains a loose, he pulled out of me and shot his nut all over my chest and neck area while moaning and jolting forward with each shot of nut. Once he started to calm down, he leaned down and kissed me while I caught one of the best nuts I ever experienced.

We cleaned up and cuddle for the rest of the night while talking about what happened. He told me he doesn’t know what made him want to try that with me, but he enjoyed himself more than he thought he would. Although he and I had sex several times after that, we decided to cut that part of our friendship out. We are still best of friends and we still hang out as much as we can considering our schedules conflict a lot. I will never forget those times we shared but I’m also internally grateful for Ron being in my life.

#unique creations #gay #lgbt #black boys #first time #short story #bxb #friends #workplace lover #new story #non-fiction

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