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kalki-tarot · 6 months

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CHANNELED LOVE LETTER FROM FUTURE SPOUSE ♡

my readings are for entertainment purposes only! tarot is a divination tool. it is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i don’t take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. please be mindful of your own choices and actions ♡

PILE 1

Hello beautiful/handsome,

I saw you in the party, where everyone was busy with themselves, with their own groups. And you, you were sitting alone, pouring your own drink. You looked very beautiful to me. Just like a queen/king. Your straightforwardness and dominant behavior, is what I love the most. I crave you, dear. Oh. I can literally fight to win you. You are just like a prize. You have your priorities clear. Even if it's a run and chase, I'll follow you everywhere till my heart stops and i die.

You are very career oriented, you don't bs unnecessarily. I love your perception of life. I love how you stand up for yourself, even if you're alone. You are just like a Queen to me. You seem very distant, as if you're lost in your dreams. You have that dreamy side of yours too? I don't know. I just observe you from afar. You give me such soothing vibes, I just love being around you.

You make me forget my miseries. I love how you don't do wrong to anyone. You are very compassionate and loving. You can give love to even non living objects. You're so full of love. That makes me wanna love you, even more. Sweetheart. I love you. I want to pursue you, i want to make you mine. Do you think the same? Do you love me just the way I love you? I'm waiting for your answer.

Yours faithfully,

Love.

PILE 2

I don't have the right words to truly express what I feel. I'm not in a good place right now. It feels as if everyone has given up on me. I'm sorry if I'm I'm making you uncomfortable but certain situations are out of my hands. I feel left out in the cold. I have the responsibility of my family on my shoulders. I'm trying to make fast changes. I'm trying to do everything on my own.

I'm very repressive of my emotions. I was not taught how to deal with them. Sometimes I try to run away from life. But then I get reminded of you. I look at the night's sky, full of stars and I wonder maybe you are like a star too. Lightening the dark and cold world with compassion and warmth. You give me true strength. And I'm forever grateful for your presence in my life. I'm holding onto a lot of things right now. I know i should let everything free, even myself. It's okay to make mistakes, right?

After every storm, there is a deep silence. Where everything remains silent, destroyed and out of control. No matter what life throws at me, I'll come back to you with ten times more strength, power & especially love and respect for you. It's life after all, right? Everything comes and goes. Maybe these times will pass? But I'll love you more with each passing moment for sure.

Yours Only Forever

💗

PILE 3

I have too much of love and wealth. And that too much is being sucked off by others. I don't know what to do. Money can't buy love, sweetheart. I'm in a toxic relationship. They are taking away my everything. Literally everything.

I don't remember the last time I laughed. The money I earned through hard work, the morals and kindness my family taught me, everything is in vain. Everything is slowly leaving my body. I feel empty from inside. This person is taking away it all.

But I'm working hard, more hard, harder than even. So that I can provide you a better lifestyle. I can't expect anything from anyone. I have to do it all alone. Please remember me in your prayers. I'm afraid to let go. Everything is being taken away from me. I don't know what to do, I'm confused. I'm not sure which road to take. I believe the universe will guide me where I'm supposed to be, near you. I'm depressed nowadays. Very hopeless.

But I'm doing whatever i can do right now. I'm unable to even sleep at night. They lied to me. They deceived me. They were my life partner, but there was nothing "life-like" with them. It was just a relationship built on money. And you know how these type of things end. There is no emotion left in me. I'm blank. I don't know. They left me in the middle of the road.

PILE 4

Hello pretty soul ♡

You know what? I see you every where. Whenever I go, wherever I go. I see you, i get reminded of you, by the flowers, the clovers, the river, the clouds and even the sun! You are a beautiful and positive person! You are such a great fighter! Whatever obstacles comes between our happiness, you remove it all. I get so happy and optimistic near you, my love. I'll fight with literally anyone for you, just for you.

You bring absolute calmness and peace into my chaotic life. You are a sweet breeze flowing softly over my cheeks on a warm, sunny day making me blush. I want to take care of you and love you for eternity. I want to offer you all the love that I have inside me, just for you babygirl/boy. I want to experience new things with you everyday. You make my life feel lively. ✨️

Dear, sometimes I too get lost in my past, that was not, unfortunately that happy for sure. I got lied to, i was betrayed by someone I called mine. I can't sleep properly due to this. I get nightmares and I get so f*king scared. I feel anxious and uncomfortable. But the good news is! I'm forgetting it day by day. Just a little progress makes it a whole lot of progress. I don't want to remember all these with you. I'm working hard, I'm moving forward. And i hope you're too <3

By,

Your one and only . ❤️

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barcaatthemoon · 14 days

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lullaby || lucy bronze x reader ||

you comfort lucy when she comes to your room after rachel's last game.

you weren't the least bit surprised to find lucy outside of your room after the game. more than a few of the girls had all grouped together for comfort after rachel's last game. lucy had held strong for the camp, having been warned earlier on by rachel herself. you had also been warned, but yours was more to make it easier to look out for lucy.

"can i sleep over tonight?" lucy asked you. keira had already gone to georgia and leah's rooms for the night. you were sure that a lot more girls were piled into the captain's room than just the three best friends, but what mattered was that lucy had come to you.

"of course you can," you told her. it wasn't late enough to sleep just yet, but lucy went straight to the bed. she laid down and curled up a little, something that you only saw her do whenever she was really upset. lucy ignored you as you moved around the room, grabbing a couple of water bottles for the two of you before you got into bed with her. "do you want to talk about it?"

"i don't want to talk about anything," lucy grumbled. you frowned a little to yourself, but let it go. lucy rested her head on your chest and grabbed onto your hand, squeezing it slightly. "do something, it's too quiet in here."

you're momentarily at a loss about what to do until you remember the night that keira and lucy had truly called it quits. it wasn't necessarily a good night for anybody, but it was definitely the start of your relationship.

…

"she don't want me no more." there was nothing scarier to you than a teary-eyed lucy bronze. you knew that lucy had planned on going over to keira's to talk after their last little argument. they had broken up twice already, but agreed to work things out. this time, hadn't been successful for lucy.

"luce, i'm sorry," you apologized to her. it wasn't your fault, and the apology only really made her kind of angry, but you didn't know what to do. lucy wasn't one to open up emotionally, especially not to you.

for the most part, lucy had no idea why she had come to your apartment. you weren't her friend, you were keira's. that was something you had made clear every single time that lucy had messed up in the past. however, there was still the part of lucy's brain that knew things weren't like that anymore.

somewhere along the line, something that shifted between the two of you. nothing had been acted on, but lucy had caught her eyes lingering on you for a little longer than normal. you had thoughts in a similar vein about lucy, and if it wasn't for keira being one of your best friends, you would have acted on your feelings.

"i just need somewhere to be for a while. can't be getting myself in trouble," lucy said. her accent was thicker through the tears. you nodded as you pulled her into your apartment. almost immediately, your cat raced across the living room to get as far away from lucy as he could. "little rat faced bastard."

"luce, be nice!" you hissed as you swatted at her shoulder.

"i'm over here crying and getting hissed at, so you hit me!" lucy shouted. you placed your hands on her arms, rubbing gently to try and soothe her. lucy moved like she was about to shove you away from her, only to surprise you by melting into your arms completely. she broke apart into a fit of sobs as your arms moved to hold her.

"hey, hey, it's okay," you whispered softly. lucy grabbed onto the back of your shirt and tugged you closer to her. you hummed nervously, unable to move away. slowly, you managed to get lucy to let you guide the two of you towards one of the chairs in your living room.

you picked the big, comfy one. everybody teased you for it being an eyesore, but you loved it. the pattern was hideous, but you had never sat in a more comfortable recliner in your entire life. as your body hit the back of the seat with lucy's on your lap, you were grateful for the slightly oversized chair.

lucy cried in your arms as you continued to hum. slowly, the hums grew into broken pieces of songs that you could remember. lucy's sniffles and sobs slowly came to a stop. you figured that she'd want you to be quiet now that she was done cry, but she pipped up at the first bit of prolonged silence.

"no, don't stop. i like the sound of your voice," lucy told you. she sounded a little whiny, but you weren't going to tease her for it. you started in on another little song, this time stopping when you saw lucy staring at you. it wasn't in annoyance or amusement like what you had grown accustomed to. this stare was different, and it made your chest feel warm and fuzzy.

"luce?"

"don't let me ruin this, please," lucy muttered. you had originally thought it was intended for you to hear, but once lucy pressed her lips to yours, you realized that it was a prayer of sorts.

…

you glanced down at lucy as she laid on your chest. her breathing had evened out finally, soft snores echoing each breath. you quietly snapped a picture for your phone, something that you'd want whenever the two of you went back to barcelona and she decided to pretend that this had never happened.

there were a few texts on your phone when you checked it. the first you saw was one from keira, warning you not to let lucy ruin your shirt with drool. you chuckled quietly to yourself, almost certain that it was only a matter of time before the puddle formed. the next couple were from rachel and millie, both women asking how lucy was doing. she had worried a lot of your teammates during rachel's celebratory dinner, even though she had been actively trying not to.

"stop moving around so much," lucy grumbled as she tugged your body closer to hers. "'m trying to sleep."

"it was just rach, she was wishing me a good night's rest," you said. lucy grumbled something, but it was muffled by her face being buried against your body. "i'm sorry, what was that?"

"tell her to fuck off. this is my time with you," lucy grumbled. you smiled as you placed your hand on her head to tip it back. she looked up at you with half-closed eyes and a pout, which you found adorable. "what the hell do you want?"

"a kiss, but if you're going to be an ass, i'll just go get one from someone else," you answered. lucy obviously did not like that answer as she shot up and pinned you beneath her on the mattress.

"who told you that you could kiss other girls?" lucy asked. she was getting possessive, like she tended to on your nights out with the team, but lucy never really did much other than fuck you.

"it's not like i've got a girlfriend, now is it?" you countered. lucy furrowed her brows, seemingly ready to give in to your one demand. you had been dropping all sorts of hints, doing everything short of actually giving her an ultimatum.

"sing me another song, and i'll take you out for breakfast tomorrow before we leave. a nice little date for just the two of us, but (y/n), are you sure about this? am i really who you want?" lucy asked you. she knew that you had gotten very close to hooking up with a couple of other girls on both the lionesses and at barcelona.

"lucy, you would not be in my bed right now if i wasn't sure. do you think i just sing every pretty little bird that crosses my path to sleep? what kind of woman do you take me for?" you pretended to be offended, up until lucy cradled your face and pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

"my deepest apologies, and for the record, i think you're like some sort of disney princess. the kind that would give ingrid a run for her money," lucy complimented. "so, do you want to be my girlfriend? i think you've kind of had the position for a while, but might as well make it offical, yeah?"

"might as well, yeah," you echoed. lucy smiled, this time pulling you into her arms. you let the music resume on your phone, singing along to the songs until you felt lucy's body relax beneath yours.

#woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso imagine #lucy bronze imagine #lucy bronze x reader

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artofvisualshock · 18 days

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Messages from the GazettE to the fans (Google translations)

〈 RUKI 〉

At the end, he said, "I want the GazettE to be forever." I think what he meant by "forever" was that he hoped that the amazing scenes he saw from the stage in 2023 would continue forever.

The scenes he saw with his fans, the happy faces of his fans, and the scenes where we all sang together were treasures that could not be replaced by anything else, and I think he hoped that moment would continue forever.

I remember him saying that he wanted to perform live soon.

Even now that he's grown up, he was a kind and passionate man who can honestly say, "Even if something bad happens, it's the most fun when we get together like this and laugh with the band members."

I loved that honesty.

This year was no different, and every year on our birthdays we would jokingly tell each other to take care of our health.

The band will never be a four-man band.

No matter what anyone says.

Because you're the only bassist we have.

Because I believe that my soul is always beside me to the right.

I'm sure everyone can feel it, even if they can't see it.

The proof that Reita has built up in the GazettE so far will not disappear and will definitely live on.

I believe that, so I will continue to sing beside him so that his soul can be right beside me.

I will not become the GazettE that Reita hates.

I don't want to make him sad.

Although all humans live in a finite life, I believe that souls never disappear.

Reita's soul, the members, myself, and the fans.

I want to continue to perform live shows that make all the people who loved me want to come back to the stage forever, even after they have become souls.

So it is only with each and every one of our fans that we can create the scenery that we hoped he would be eternal.

That's why I want him to stay by my side and be there, unchanged from now on.

He should look at me and smile, and think, "He was the best guy!", rather than looking at me with a sad face.

We are more determined than ever to protect this band.

We will make Reita's wish for eternity come true.

So, Reita, rest assured that you can come to every live show from heaven.

Your seat will always be there.

You're going to be super busy from now on.

I'll contact you again when the schedule is decided.

-----------------

<Uruha>

To all the fans who have supported REITA up until now.

I think he was a huge support for everyone, and for me.

I myself have not been able to accept and realize the fact that he is no longer here and that we can no longer stand on stage together.

There may be many things that I will come to understand little by little from now on.

However, if I continue to be drowning in sadness, I will not be able to make his wish for eternity come true, and I strongly feel that now is the time for me to have the strength to look forward and move forward.

I also think that the path we walked together until now was irreplaceable for him, and I think it will continue to live in the hearts of everyone and myself.

He gave us so much, and we walked together for so long, and he is still and will always be our best friend.

Please treasure all the words, memories, and love he left behind in your heart.

REITA will continue to exist and live in everyone's hearts.

We would like to express our sincere gratitude to everyone who has supported and cheered on the GazettE REITA.

-----------------

〈 Aoi 〉

For a long time, the members and a small staff have been working on various projects, saying "this and that," but writing this letter was the last thing I wanted to do.

There have been moments when I felt like giving up on my dreams.

Every time, we talked about it again and again, sometimes pushing each other, and pulling the members' arms so that they wouldn't give up.

Because we were such a band, the GazettE has been able to keep moving forward without stopping.

REITA, you're not the one who wishes for eternity, you're the one who connects eternity.

I can't say something clever like "I'll take care of you."

I wanted to make more music with you, and see more scenery together.

Every scenery is wonderful because we see it with the five of us, surrounded by our fans.

I don't know why, but it's so painful that I can't make it happen even though I have so many things I want to say.

When I get there, I'm going to start with a big lecture. I know it's lonely because we're gone so suddenly, but please take a rest until then.

I have a few more things to do here.

Thank you for walking this long road with me. Rest in peace.

-----------------

〈 Kai 〉

For me, REITA is an immeasurably big presence, saved by his many words and sounds, the mood maker for the band, and all I remember are really fun things, and above all, the sight of him shining on stage.

He is the best partner and the only one in the rhythm section.

That has never changed, and will never change in the future.

I want to continue carrying his feelings and continue with the GazettE with even greater resolve.

Finally, to all the fans and people involved who have supported us for the past 22 years.

Thank you very much.

And from now on, our feelings will remain the same and we would like to continue running as a group of five, so please continue to support us.

REITA

Thank you for all your hard work.

With the same feelings, we will continue to protect the GazettE together with our many friends... I promise.

There are many friends out there who don't want your 22 years to go to waste, and they are waiting for you.

You must come to our shows too!

Let's have some good sake again.

#the gazette #reita #rip #uruha #ruki #aoi #kai

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sthnearlyheadless · 7 months

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Sofia

Jenna Ortega x Fem!Reader y'all i'm lazy. i don't fell like making a summary. and as always, i didn't proofread, if there's any mistakes, i apologize. Warnings: nothing but kisses and mentions of fights, i think

"I can’t believe you”

“What, you can’t believe me? Are you fucking serious, Jenna?” You responded watching the small women taking off her expensive shoes angrily. Jenna’s eyes glaring at you, almost throwing knives at you.

“I was having fun, Y/N. Why do you had to make such a scene? I though I was the actress here, but you deserved an Oscar for that, I have to admit”

You followed her to the kitchen as soon as you finished locking the front door of the house that you both shared.

“I can’t believe you’re seriously pissed at me for protecting you. What the hell is your problem, man? That douchebag was trying to touch you! You wanted me to sit there and just watch it?!”

“Don’t yell at me, Y/N!” Jenna pointed at you and you took a step back immediately as she took one forward. You see, you guys height difference was very noticeable, but Jenna’s anger was something that always scared you a little. You never wanted push your luck with the Latina woman so much. Even though you knew each other basically your entire life since you are childhood friends that recently started to live together, you never saw this look on her eyes before.

“I could’ve handled myself just fine. It was an event, Y/N. There was cameras everywhere! You didn’t have to punch him in the face and start a fucking fight!”

Well, thinking for this side… Jenna’s was kind of right. But you couldn’t help yourself when you noticed that she was uncomfortable and had - a lot of times - told that stupid guy to leave her alone and he obviously didn’t listen and worse, tried to force her to go to somewhere, you lost all your reasoning.

“And look at your face. It’s all bruised up” she continued resting the glass of water on the sink and looking at you. You looked away, ashed. You realized now that you might have caused problems to her. You know, the fight was recorded for sure, and people will definitely talk about this on the Internet. You never wanted to harm Jenna in any kind of way, but you might have now. You just wanted to protect the girl you loved… and not only in a friendly way. You’ve noticed your feelings for Jenna when you guys were about 18. You were 21 now. Since then you had dated some other girls for a while and watched her date some other people too, but your heart was and still is entirely hers… even though she never noticed and you don’t have the guts to say it.

You probably never will.

“You should see the other guy” you said in a low voice, still not looking at you.

It was Jenna’s turn to let out a tired sigh. She decided to walk towards you again, not in a menacing posture anymore. She didn’t wanna fight anymore. The discussion all the way back home and now was tiring enough, that and the fact that she didn’t stop get worried for you. Not in one single second.

And now that the bruises were more noticeable, she worried more. Her anger quickly slowing down.

“Sit there. I’m gonna take care of this” she pointed at the couch.

“Jenna, you don’t have to that. I’m fine and…”

“Don’t argue with me, Y/N. I’m tired. Just do it, okay?” she let out a sigh looking deep in your eyes. Like always, you couldn’t deny her.

You sat down on the couch like Jenna said so and waited. Playing with your fingers thinking about how stupid you were. You let Jenna down, you probably caused trouble on her career and if you ever dreamed on having a chance with her, you could totally forget about it now. She would never see you in a different way. You always going to be the trouble girl that Jenna had to step in to not get in more trouble.

“This is gonna sting a little” she announced as she already had put the medicine on the cotton and put the first aid kit on the floor. She sat really close to you and started to rub the cotton on the bruised parts. You watched her face so close to yours as her intense brown eyes looking carefully at your face.

“Ouch! Jenna, easy!” you tried to back off, only to Jenna grab your jaw. Not in a rush way, but strong enough to keep you still. “Geez, Jen, c’mon!” you cried out.

“Stop being a baby. You should’ve thought about before getting into a fight. Again”

You grimaced before answering:

“I don’t mind being hurt, Jenna. As long as defending you”

Jenna sighed. For the hundredth time. She did that a lot when she was mad. She finally stopped applying medicine on your bruises and you thanked all the gods you knew for that. Although the look on her face scared you, you didn’t know what to think. You knew Jenna your entire life, but even for you was hard to read her face. Her perfect and beautiful features.

“You’re never gonna change, are you, Y/N?”

“If by that you mean protecting you, no, I’m not”

“Even if you get hurt like that?” she pointed at your face and hands. “You’re crazy, Y/N”

“I told I don’t care! What can’t you get that?”

“I can’t understand why you always get in the middle of something that involves me!” she stood up, starting to raise her voice as well. “I mean I know that you’re my best friend, but act like…”

“Like what?” you pushed, speaking low, but standing up too.

“Like… like your jealous” she said at last. Like she was unsure of what she just said out loud. Even though she was sensing it for a little while, she, just like you, didn’t say things out loud sometimes. You were alike in this way.

“Say something, Y/N” Jenna crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“What you want me to say, Jenna?” you looked at the floor.

“Anything, Y/N! Anything!” you looked at her again with this burst of her. “What’s really going on with you? You know you can tell me anything”

“I love you”

“Um… Y/N, I-I love you too, you know that… but what this…”

“No. Not like that!” You stepped back and sat defeated sat on the couch, looking up to the small woman who looked puzzled by you right now.

“I don’t just love you in a friendly way. My feelings for changed since I was 18. I can tell it’s love because it didn’t fade nor has diminished. I never felt this for anyone in my life, Jenna, I love every single detail about you and everything you do. I love how you’re passionate about the things you love, your career, your family. How dedicate you are… I love you”

Jenna didn’t say anything. She was… totally mute. And that was scared you the most. You could’ve expected her to say anything, literally anything, Jenna always have something to say. But now, now that you finally have spilled your true feelings locked inside you for so many years… you have silence as response.

And Jenna looking blankly back at you.

“I know you don’t feel the same, I-I… don’t worry. I’m gonna crush at someone’s house tonight. After that I can come and get my stuff” You said, trying your best to hold back your tears. “We don’t have to stay in this awkwardness between us and…”

“Shut up”

“What?”

“Just…” Jenna took a step in front of you and grabbed your face carefully and softly to not hurt you and then she closed the gap between your faces.

You did not think, you couldn’t. Her soft lips were magical, and you couldn’t think of anything anymore. The lips that were only in our imagination, tasted even better that your head could possibly project.

Her tongue asked for space inside your mouth and you more than happy allowed her dominance on the kiss. Your hands, a little bit shamefully, rested on her hips. You both moaning tasting each other.

When the air was really necessary, Jenna pulled away and rested her forehead on your. Your eyes were still closed and you looked like a pure bliss as you still hold her. Jenna smiled chuckled softly looking at your face, her soft dimples showing a bit as you guys were so close now.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Jenna caressed the baby hair on the back of your neck.

“I know. You keep saying that since we were kids”

Jenna laughed and you finally open your eyes.

“But I mean it, Jenna. I really love you”

“Why you never said anything?”

“I was scared”

“Of me?”

“Of you hating me… I don’t know, okay! This stuff is complicated, alright?”

Jenna chuckled and shook her head looking at you.

“I love that fact that you just said one of the most beautiful I’ve ever heard and you can’t explain how chicken you were”

“Hey!”

“It’s okay. I love you the you are anyways”

“You… what? You l-love or you’re just saying this because…”

“I told you to shut up, didn’t I?” Jenna kissed you once again. “It’s okay that you had chickend out. I loved you too since I was 15”

#jenna ortega x fem!reader #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega x y/n #wednesday addams x reader #jenna marie ortega #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter x reader #jenna ortega x reader

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natigail · 2 months

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"I figured hey, if I'm here, I might as well be honest with myself. So I dug into the archives. And I found teenage Dan. Do you remember HELLO INTERNET? There I was, eighteen years old, your average caucasian British boy with your problematic vocabulary, just wanting so desperately to be liked. I then saw myself age twenty, as a student. Not that I was actually studying anything other than the male anatomy. I had no plan. No prospects. I was in desperate need of a haircut. Jesus Christ. No, look, that was not a hairstyle. It was geometry. My hair was a square. I then saw myself age twenty-two as an adult, just trying to make my way in the world, taking any job that I could, no matter how inauthentic or degrading. And look. I don't hate these past versions of myself, alright? Apart from the square one, it can get in the fucking bin. Mainly, I just feel sorry that it took them so long to work out who they are. I then stumbled across the video titled Existential Crisis. In which I utter the optimistic nihilistic epithet: 'embrace the void and have the courage to exist'. Embrace the void and have the courage to exist. It sounded nice when I said it but for some reason it just didn't hit. I had accepted the absurdity of the world but at that time, I hadn't accepted myself. Looking back at it, it finally clicked. Anyone who has suffered with depression or any kind of trauma that seriously affects your self-worth hopes that one day you're going to have this sudden revelation and then everything is fine. I had my revelation alright. I am unapologetically gay! Don't know if you hadn't picked up on that, so far in the show. But just having this revelation did not immediately fix all of my problems, because I still feel that inherent burnt-on brand that I am wrong. And that doesn't just go away. No, I know what my problem is, alright. My problem I am always living for the future. Every day I am thinking about this dream future where all of my dreams have come true and all of my problem have gone and everything's fine. And so, every day in the present of my life can be this joyless unrelenting grind towards that future. But it's okay. It's going to come any day now, right? Learning to look yourself in the mirror and being honest about what you've been through and keep living in spite of that can be hard. It takes a long time and a relentless persistent resistance against the way that you've been trained to feel by the world. But that doesn't just mean you should give up. Because, sure, sometimes in life, you may feel trapped. I felt trapped by my sexuality. You could feel trapped by your culture or your community. Hell, you could be literally trapped in an elevator but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to get out. 'cause, sure, when I look at the state of the world, I am very tempted to just go: You know what - we're all doomed. But that isn't courageous. That is cowardly. It's the easy way out. Even if it is, as I hope you'd all agree, a really fucking cool name for a show. So that's the thing. You can either say to yourself, every day is just a discontent emoji or you can find the courage to force your inner smiling cowboy hat, ye-motherfucking-haw! And just try to find in everyday life. Which is why I made this show. So I'm not living in the future but I'm just right here, right now, with you, just trying to have one good night. And look. Hey. Who knows, huh? We may all be doomed. Death may be inevitable. But first, we get to live. Life might at times be a struggle but just being here, to put one foot in front of the other every day is living. So please, do not let the doom drag you down. You are important. You matter. Please, stay hopeful for the future. Appreciate life. Embrace the void and have the courage to exist." - Dan Howell, closing monologue of his show "we're all doomed" (2022-2024)

#wad spoilers #dan howell #we're all doomed #talking in tags #i wasn't going to do any more but why not immortalise this #mostly just saving this for myself because it always got me #dan quotes

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charmedreincarnation · 8 months

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My sucess story

Trigger Warning: Abusive, homophobia, mentions of suicide

Hey there, Maya! I just had to take a moment and express my appreciation for all the fantastic posts you put out. I can now confirm, without a shadow of a doubt, that shifting is real, manifesting is real, and so is the void. Our desires and ambitions aren't in vain.

I've been part of the shifting community since 2020 when it exploded on TikTok. It might not matter much, but as a gay man, I rarely saw other guys in the community (though Reddit and Amino have a more diverse crowd). I've always felt more comfortable in women-centric spaces because they tend to be less judgmental.

I never saw success stories from guys, especially the kind I wanted to see - like waking up in a new world, not just manifesting money or a girlfriend (or boyfriend in my case >.<). I've always been spiritual and interested in witchcraft, voodoo, deities, and now manifesting and shifting. But it felt like nothing would let me shift.

Growing up with homophobic and physically abusive parents, struggling with poverty, depression, homelessness, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and more, I began to feel like you could only manifest and shift if your life was okay. I didn't have the luxury of time or safety to practice methods, constantly dealing with noise, verbal abuse, or physical violence.

Then, I read this post

https://www.reddit.com/r/shiftingrealities/comments/14v4lw3/how_to_shift_the_next_time_you_go_to_sleep/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

It led me to your Tumblr because OP used some of your old posts and talked about the concept of the void. All searched lead to tumblr. A couple of months ago (2.5 ish) after one of the worst days of my life, I went to bed sobbing, trying to block out the noise around me, praying and crying for anything - death, shifting, a new identity...

Everything around me started to fade - it was as if I was being engulfed by a white, serene blanket of nothingness. It was completely silent, and I couldn't see or feel anything. The only thing that seemed to persist was my awareness.

Now, I've read about the void before, but mostly in the context of it being a black, empty space. So, I'm not entirely sure if what I experienced was indeed the void or something altogether different. The concept still baffles me a bit, but I'm learning and growing through these experiences.

Regardless of where I was, my heart was set on reaching my dr.I kept praying and hoping, to wake up in my DR.

I woke up in my Twitch streamer DR! I found myself in a completely unfamiliar yet perfect place. My room was equipped with a high-end PC, top-notch gaming gear, and quaint decor items. Milo, my dog, was there too. I was sharing a mansion in LA with my boyfriend and four other streamers. The house was beyond my imagination, and streaming here was a dream come true. As night fell, my friends and I explored the vibrant LA nightlife, creating lasting memories.

After a week, i can’t lie I almost forgot I had shifted here. Then, I set an intention to shift back into this reality but where I had moved out, lived with my best friend and their supportive parents, mastered shifting and manifesting, had my desired looks, and money came easily to me. And it worked!

Since then, I've been living my best boujee gay life, and I shift all the time. I even created a waiting room where I'm immortal and use it whenever I need a break. I wish I could offer better advice, but like everyone says, there isn't a key to shifting. It's different for everyone. But you can and will shift. You can manifest your dream life. You can and deserve to be happy

Oh my god, I'm so happy for you, love 💕💕. I also completely related to what you felt. I know it can seem like your circumstances are holding you back, but believe me when I say this - that couldn't be further from the truth.

It's that same resilience, and your ability to persist despite the odds, that paved the way to your dream life. There’s nothing, I mean nothing that can stop you. Not wavering, crying, or doubt. Nothing. If you want it, it’s yours.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #reality shifting #shiftblr #void success

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freuleinanna · 7 months

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I'm still confused about Verna.. I thought she was a demon?? Because why would Death be going around making a bunch of deals with people? After Verna told Pym she decided to go "topside" I thought she was some kind of crossroads demon since it implies she came from below (hell)

Oh! I feel you, and I struggled with that a lot too. She does seem a lot like a demon. I'm not saying I'm 100% correct in my thinking either, but here's why I personally think she's Death. Kind of a long post, sorry. I hope I make myself clear, but feel free to follow up!

So, Verna. An anagram for Raven, that much is established. Ravens are wonderful - symmetrical even - creatures. Bringers of death in a wide understanding. Bringers of good luck in many cultures. The duality is amazing. To me, that also leans majorly into the theme of death being a concept of duality: an enemy for some, a friend for others. Each greets her differently. I'm not talking about the characters here, but people in general.

There's a proverb I came across a while ago that reads 'Death is a great leveller'. Meaning, everyone's equal before her. You have no leverage or buffer against death, and it doesn't matter if you're poor or blindly, feverishly, grotesquely rich (like our folks here). Everyone pays the last bill. For everyone, there's a day of reckoning. It's a major theme with the show, at least. Verna also says 'Buy now, pay the bill later' - although it can still read very demonic, I agree.

She's obviously ancient, and I was leaning toward the demon theory based on all of her talking. Yet - she also keeps ranting about Egypt and pyramids and Cleopatras and such. What's the one thing with Egyptians everyone knows of? They honored death. Death may have been a bigger part of their lives than life itself. The Usher Twins' obssession with all things Egyptian, antiquities, jewelry, swords and such, plays a nice parallel here too, because they're just collectors. They have no grain of honor for the real thing, for what these things are tied to. Kind of a nice thought, I guess.

Anyway, back to Verna. She says on multiple occasions how intrigued she is with us, 'adorable little things'. She saw the pyramids, the expeditions, and she wanted to see what else we do, she wanted to see what Roderick and Madeline will do (in her own words). It's all an experiment to her. She makes an offer just to see what we, people, do.

Here's where my beef with a demon theory comes in. No demonic creature I could think of, be it an actual demon, a trickster, or something else, is that sincerely intrigued. Something something death loving life something something.

Demons, in my understanding, are most interested in winning the deal. They come up with incredible challenges, they enjoy torture, emotional or physical, they never let anyone win. Verna has never once expressed this. Quite the opposite. She gives everyone a chance to step back. Even when the ink has dried and everything's decided, each Usher sibling is conditioned to make a choice: push forward, or step back. Neither of them steps back. Neither of them takes a long hard look at themselves (except Tamerlane, both literally haha and figuratively, as she's the only one to have realized how lost she was in her way - just at the end, when it didn't really matter anymore, but still). Verna is kind to those she takes (sincere pet names, regrets of having to do it this way, making sure they know it's not personal, etc). She grieves with them, just before. Grieving - 'The Raven' being about an expression of grief and trauma - ravens as synonyms for death... you get the gist. Oh! Except Freddie - cause Freddie struck a cord. Infuriated her. So he doesn't get an expressed choice. And he would've blown it like coke anyway, so meh.

And then Arthur Pym. Oh, Arthur Pym. I honestly couldn't imagine a demon kneeling and thanking someone who's refused them.

About Arthur Pym, by the way. It's the one story I hadn't reread, and I should have, it turns out! haha Anyway, a few notes about his travels:

In the story, Arthur Pym is expressedly afraid of white color (North Pole, yada yada, white being the absense of colors/life, and the absense of life is death).

Verna enumerates the moments she witnessed of his travels. Someone getting left in Sahara. Someone getting shot in the Arctic. Something bad that was done to an Inuit woman. Why would she follow Arthur so closely? She didn't know him, he wasn't her favorite. I think it's because she came to collect those deaths. If she is death, she would've been exactly there, where people died. She would have also seen Arthur not partaking.

Aaaaaaaand it makes her 'You saw me' line sound better, because he had sure seen death along his travels.

I think the part about a place of out-of-time, out-of-space creatures and hollow Earth was a bit unnecessary, BUT I can try and tie it in this way:

It showed us how Arthur might have coped with what he saw, and he 'saw a lot', even in his 70s it's difficult for him to recall, and it made him think of humanity as a virus, literally;

He might have thought up that ethereal realm simply because he was in an expedition? Exhaustive conditions for both body and spirit? Traumatic experiences? If he saw Death, he might have cloaked it in his mind to cope with it, thus came his stories;

Verna going 'topside' may just mean that she had to go take a look herself, actually be willingly present for the events - to see the brave little humans conquer the earth. 'Topside', as in, 'visible, present, participating'. If Death exists, I doubt it bothers with our boring human realm but lives downunder, among all threads that weave the world.

So that's that on Arthur Pym.

A few other references my mind is too exhausted to tie in nicely:

Death takes Lenore. THE Lenore from 'The Raven' (mostly) and 'Lenore' (secondary). That happened. Also, death talking to a child of life? Regretting having to take her? Not very demonic of dear ol' Verna, in my opinion.

Her mourning veil, her last toasts to the Ushers at the cemetery? Demons don't tend to grieve their players. Demons don't respect and love them enough, and 'what is grief, if not love persevering'?

Death is the last threshold. Before death, we look upon our legacy (major theme with the show), we remember our losses and loves (Annabel Lee!!!!! love the poem, brilliantly done), we get heavy with regrets. We face death as an enemy & fight, like Madeline did. As a friend, like Arthur did. We confess, like Roderick did. All that is too significant to me overall.

And the last thing. It's Edgar Allan Poe. The whole Death tribute is a giant, incredible, thought-through-to-the-bits hommage to his literature where Death, figuratively and literally, takes the throne.

I hope I managed to express myself alright there. Thanks if you read it through, and as I said before, feel free to follow up or elaborate on some ideas. There are oceans to discuss. <3

#tore a few veins typing it out ughhhhh the poetry #asks #long post #the fall of the house of usher #tfothou #tfothou spoilers #tfothou tv #netflix #carla gugino #verna #meta post #the fall of the house of usher spoilers #edgar poe #edgar allan poe

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ponypuffle · 2 months

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Hey! Hello! I saw that you have open requests and I would love to ask you something, Rainbow Dash x fem! reader, a pretty unicorn who is Rarity's cousin and went to Ponyville to visit her.

And Rainbow Dash is amazed when she sees her for the first time, a pretty and adorable Canterlot unicorn who likes to see pegasi fly since she has a fascination with wings, and Rainbow takes that point in her favor ;)

Pairing: Rainbow Dash x Fem!Reader

Word Count: idk im on my phone rn so i'll check when i have access to my computer l8r Warning(s): rainbow checks the reader out (idk if that's a warning but to be sure lol) A/N: tbh i gave rainbow too much rizz to the point that she managed to rizz me up from an rd enjoyer to rd simp 😔😔

As a pony who's lived her entire life in Canterlot, you knew for certain it didn't happen as often as most tourists expected, but to each their own. You certainly weren't about to stop them if it meant Canterlot's local businesses profited from their visits.

You loved Canterlot as much as the next pony, but Celestia, was it a lot. Every pony always had something to do and somewhere to be whether it be for business purposes or to simply go to a luxurious outing. Not to mention the overabundance of tourists who clambered to see the next big thing or perhaps their favorite "attraction"; a glimpse at the princess walking out onto her balcony.

All of this to say that you needed a break from Canterlot, even if it was for a moment. Every pony loved to say that Canterlot "has it all", but they all seemed to fail to consider the city's lack of peace. Hence why you reached out to family for help who then reached out to more family until you finally ended up in communications with your cousin, Rarity.

You remembered her well from the playdates and family gatherings you went to as little fillies. Unfortunately with how life goes, you'd lost touch with her. The last time you'd seen her as more than a child was years ago! Truth be told, you were excited to reunite with her. A whole week in Ponyville with your favorite cousin sounded like the perfect remedy to your Canterlot-ailment.

When the day came, you were the first to board the train and the first to exit. The moment you laid your eyes on your cousin, you rushed over with a wide grin. "Rarity! I'm so happy to see you again! Celestia, your mane is to die for! You have to tell me how you get it looking so gorgeous."

"Why, thank you, dear. We'll have plenty of time to discuss mane products soon enough." She giggled before directing your attention towards a pegasus and a little dragon. "In the meantime, these are my friends, Fluttershy and Spike."

Your eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, dear. I'm so sorry for not introducing myself sooner!" You quickly greeted the two with all the sweetness you could muster as if it would make up for your obliviousness.

The kindness was only reciprocated, much to your relief. Before you could delve into further conversation, Rarity cut in. "I'm sure you must be starving after the train ride. Why don't we go drop off your bags and we can all go out together? My treat."

"That sounds amazing." You agreed, only just realizing that you were too distracted by the trip to think of eating a proper breakfast.

"Splendid! Spike, would you be a dear and help our guest with her bags?" Rarity nodded towards the dragon.

Before you could protest, Spike had eagerly obeyed her request as he took the two travel bags from your magic that held them up. "Thank you, Spike." You smiled softly.

As the four of you walked through town, you couldn't help but be mesmerized by Fluttershy's wings. "Have you ever thought of wearing wing accessories? I saw some amazing jeweled accessories back in Canterlot that I think would look divine on you." You commented.

Rarity overheard you, chiming in with her own praises. "The ones by Nimbus Shop?"

"Yes! The delicacy of the piece would look so darling on you, Fluttershy." You hummed.

Fluttershy blushed under your compliments. "Thank you. I'd love to try it out, but I'm afraid my line of work would only dirty the jewels before I could show them off."

Rarity nodded in agreement. "It's a shame, but I respect her passion for caring for those adorable little critters."

"Oh, perhaps I could pull a few strings and get you both invitations to this garden party out in Canterlot next month. Would that be reason enough to let me buy you those gorgeous wing accessories?" You suggested.

Rarity gasped. "A garden party? Goodness, could you really do that, dear?"

Your cousin's smile was infectious as she tried to hold in her excitement. "Of course! It's no problem at all. Besides, I don't know what kind of pony I'd be if I didn't get to see such beautiful wings enhanced by glittering jewels."

"Oh, that's so kind of you." Fluttershy was beginning to buzz with the same excitement, even it was toned down.

You turned your head to look back at the little dragon behind you. "Would you like to come to the garden party, too? I'm sure they could squeeze in cute baby dragon like you."

Spike began to stutter as if he was shocked that you'd bother to ask. "Are you sure you can get enough tickets?"

"Between just us," You hushed your voice down, "Two of the hosts owe me a huge favor."

Before anypony could respond, a gust of wind swept past you with a pound against the dirt just as you neared the front door of the Carousel Boutique. A blue coated pony with a rainbow mane stood with pride, her wings spread out to frame her form perfectly. The powerful mare found eye-contact with you, but she was quickly directed towards Rarity when she scolded her for the sudden landing.

While they spoke, you crouched down to Spike's level and whispered to him, "I'll just get you that ticket, yeah?"

"Thanks!" He whispered back. "C'mon, I'll show you your room before Rainbow tries to bother us."

Spike led the way around the ponies while you followed suit. You stared at Rainbow in amusement, letting your gaze glide over those strong wings.

Unbeknownst to you, the rainbow pegasus had checked you out, her eyes glazing over your form. You were far out of ear shot when Rarity noticed the way her friend looked at you, gasping loudly. "Rainbow Dash, don't you dare!"

"What? I'm not doing anything!" She held her hooves up, feigning innocence.

When both you and Spike came back out, the rainbow pony was still there with a disgruntled Rarity and a wide-eyed Fluttershy. The pegasus stepped into your view of your cousin with a smirk. She held her hoof out for a hoofshake to which you took. "Rainbow Dash, Ponyville's resident top flier and Wonderbolt."

"Wonderbolt?" Your jaw dropped as you held your hoof to your mouth in shock.

Rainbow chuckled in pride as she flexed her wings. "Yeah, what can I say? I'm just that awesome, y'know?"

Rarity rolled her eyes, sighing in disbelief as she cut in. "Come on, dear. Rainbow Dash is coming along for lunch with us."

Rarity herded you to her side, making sure she was between you and Rainbow, but that didn't stop Rainbow from trying to chat with you. "So, Rarity tells me your her cousin and you're visiting?" She called over through Rarity.

"Oh, yeah. I live over in Canterlot, but Rarity was so kind to let me stay with her as a vacation." You explained, but the separation made it a struggle, just as Rarity intended. She took the opportunity to keep you distracted with conversation, trying to keep Rainbow away. It wasn't that she didn't trust Rainbow, but she worried that if the relationship were to end, the relationship between you and Rarity would be severed, too.

But, Rainbow Dash was determined. When you made it to the restaurant, she dashed towards the seat right by you before Rarity could even touch the chair. "Lucky me, I get to sit by the new girl in town."

"You're lucky? I get to sit next to a Wonderbolt!" Your ears perked up with excitement. "I don't even remember the last time I got to watch a Wonderbolt show."

"You like the Wonderbolts?" Her voice was laced with happiness to know that you found interest in her work.

You nodded eagerly. "Of course! You guys are so talented. I just adore seeing your flight routines."

"Well, maybe I could get you a private showing, sweetheart." Rainbow nearly purred in a low voice, causing your cheeks to heat up at the nickname.

"Or!" Rarity chimed in. "You could take us all to the next performance, no?"

Rainbow snapped her head towards Rarity, glaring at her for disrupting her game. "Yeah... Or, that."

"Wow, that'd be amazing!" You couldn't hide your grin at the prospect of watching the Wonderbolts again.

Rainbow stretched the wing nearest to you out, letting it rest on your back. Your eyes drifted to her muscular wing, skin buzzing in delight at the feeling of her slick feathers. "Think that's amazing? You're getting a VIP ticket and a backstage pass, if you're into that."

Your eyes widened in shock, jaw dropping. You never expected in your wildest dreams you'd be offered such an opportunity. Rainbow had to reach out her hoof to get your mouth to close with a little chuckle. "I'm taking that as a 'yes', then?"

"Most definitely!" Your heart thudded against your chest.

Rainbow glanced at Rarity in triumph for a moment before she met your eyes again. "It's a plan then."

The next showing was thankfully only a few days after you returned from Ponyville. By the end of the week, you'd become good friends with the rest of Rarity's pals. You wanted to offer them to stay over, but your little Canterlot apartment was hardly enough for you and seven friends. Thankfully, Twilight had reassured you that she'd be able to get hotel rooms for everypony.

You'd made plans to meet up at a cafe you frequented to grab a cup of coffee and a few pastries before you went to the Wonderbolts show.

"Wow, I can't believe I've never been here." Twilight said as she sipped her coffee in utter bliss.

"Oh, it was opened a few years back, not long after your coronation actually." You replied, taking a bite of your chocolate croissant.

Rarity pouted. "I guess we've all been too busy to take the time to explore the finer details of Canterlot."

"I'd be happy to show you guys around!" You offered, eyes brightening. "The tourist spots are great, but I know all of Canterlot's hidden gems."

Pinkie Pie lit up. "That'd be amazing! Imagine how many tasty treats I've never even tried!"

The group laughed out loud, agreeing to join in on the insider tour for tomorrow. When breakfast was done, you all made your way to the Wonderbolts Stadium.

The VIP box was luxurious, plush seats in a shaded area that allowed for the perfect view of the performance. Your coat prickled along your legs in excitement at what was to come, and it wasn't for naught.

The moment the Wonderbolts made their entrance, you were entranced. You watched each well practiced maneuver, barely staying in your seat as you leaned in for more.

The show neared its end, much to your dismay, but it didn't stop you from yelling out with a cheer.

Applejack chuckled in amusement. "You sure do love them Wonderbolts, don't 'cha?"

You looked back with a grin. "How could I not? It's just so..." You tried to find the word until it finally clicked. "Exhilarating!"

"Then, let's go say hi to them." Twilight began to lead the way. "I'm sure they'd love to meet one of their biggest fans."

You hopped towards Twilight, nearly mirroring the same energy as Pinkie. At some point, Pinkie took charge with each bounce, so you eagerly followed close behind in anticipation. While you waited outside the locker room, waiting for the Wonderbolts to ready up, Pinkie was happy to tell you all about Rainbow Dash like her famous Sonic Rainboom.

When the doors opened, you could barely keep yourself composed. Your eyes were set on whoever was closest which just so happened to be Spitfire, the poster pony of the Wonderbolts.

"Hey, kid." Spitfire looked at you through her sunglasses. "I'm guessing your Rainbow's new friend?"

You nodded with a big smile, introducing yourself to her. "You have no idea how excited I am to meet you all."

Spitfire chuckled at your enthusiasm. "We've been waiting to meet you, too. Rainbow's been talking up a storm about you."

"She has?" You blushed, briefly glancing towards the rainbow pegasus.

"Non-stop. She tells me you're real interested in the Wonderbolts."

Part of you was glad Spitfire changed the topic, much too nervous to figure out whatever feelings came of the statement. "Yeah, but it's mostly just flying that I'm so intrigued by. All of you are so talented! I can't imagine how much work goes into your performances."

"A unicorn into flying? That's a new one for me." Spitfire commented, stretching out her wing when she noticed you staring at it in wonderment. "But, yeah, we work almost everyday. Wings like this don't come from nothing."

"I imagine so." You stared at the sleek feathers that made up her large wings. It wasn't long before the rest of the Wonderbolts team came to meet you, curious to see who Rainbow Dash was so interested in.

The next day, you went along with the tour as planned. With your friends following behind, you made it from destination to destination, making sure to have fun at each spot. You didn't have much of a plan, simply deciding where to go on a whim, but Pinkie had begged you to go to a little part of Canterlot for the end of the day. When it comes to Pinkie, how could you say no?

To your dismay, Rainbow had to leave early half way through the day. She told you she had Wonderbolts practice which you respected, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss her presence. Regardless, the outing went smoothly and you still enjoyed yourself.

When you made it to your final stop made by you, Pinkie Pie led the group to the special location. As you neared further and further into the outskirts of Canterlot, you began to wonder where she wanted to go so badly. Every time you'd ask, she'd say something about how it's a surprise.

By the third time you asked, you decided to just trust her. As you reached the top of a grassy hill not too far from Canterlot, the sun had begun to set, creating a warm glow in the sky.

"Here we are!" Pinkie exclaimed.

You blinked, looking around in confusion. There was nothing in sight except nature. "Pinkie, why are we—"

A gust of wind flew above you, making you look up in the sky. Were those the Wonderbolts? You stood, watching the little performance with the same interest as the day before. You were beginning to wonder if it was somepony's birthday and you were simply not told.

#rainbow dash x reader #mlp x reader #my little pony x reader #that headcanon that rainbow dresses like adam sandler influenced this tbh

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howifeltabouthim · 1 year

Quote

I was very unhappy. I am not happy now. Everything is so sad.

George Eliot, from Middlemarch

#sad #sad girl #unhappy #depressing #bleak #bad circumstances #i'm not sure if this is the kind of life that i saw myself living #they say that i'm happy they know that i'm not #story of my life #quotes #lit #words #excerpts #quote #literature #classics #george eliot #middlemarch

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m4tthewsgf · 1 month

Text

Moonlight (prologue)

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo x y/n

A story where a boy who is terrified of love lays his eyes on a girl who's determined to save everyone else, but herself.

pt1, pt2

Warnings: slight cursing and mention of blood

Author's note: it's been a while since I've written something so this is actually quite exciting. this prologue is detrimental to the story, so pls do not skip it!!!!

________________

“John, come on! We're gonna miss it!” I tugged on my older brother's hand with anticipation. Even though my 16 year old body held just as much strength, it was still enough to make him stumble.

“Okay Little Bear, just give me a second, m’kay?” he looked down at me with a soft smile.

“Okay, but hurry! This only happens-”

“Every 20 years, I know” he chuckled and I scoffed. Obviously he knew, he was the one who told me that.

“Just let me grab my telescope and we'll be ready to go,” John reassured me while I impatiently strolled through our small living room.

It had been 3 years since dad left us to live with his new family and things were tough. Mom has been a wreck and started drinking consistently ever since the day he left, John has been working two jobs since my mother was jobless and I have been taking care of her and the house, as well as going to school everyday and trying to keep my grades as high as possible. I taught myself how to cook and clean. I made sure my mom and brother had something to eat, even if it was just a sandwich. I had to take care of them as much as I could. Especially my mom. She was heartbroken and I couldn’t bear seeing her like that. Even though she didn’t like me, for some reason I never got to understand, I couldn’t just let her rot. She may did not care about me, but I couldn’t not care about her. She was my mom, afterall.

I quickly glanced over at the black couch where she laid. A small smile appeared on my lips as I observed her state; the way she looked so calm and relaxed in her sleep, probably the calmest I've seen her in a while, the way she hugged that bottle of whiskey like her life depended on it. She hugged it as if it was her child; with so much protection and guardiance. My smile faded. The more I looked at the way she clinged onto that damn bottle, the more I felt like crying. I dozed off. I hadn't felt my mother's embrace in years. I was kind of getting jealous of that bottle. Why did that liquid that tasted just like poison matter more than I ever did to her? Why is it so important to her? How does one become a liquid? Maybe if I was one, she would then need me. She would then see me. She would then love me.

“Ready?” my brother thankfully interrupted my troubling thoughts. He placed a hand on my shoulder, making me jump a little at the sudden touch, and a concerned look creeped into his face once he saw my teary eyes.

“Hey, what's wrong?” he worried.

“I'm okay, J, just dozed off for too long. Let's go!” I faked a smile and finally dragged him out of the much suffocating house that did not feel at home.

_______________

Long Island was truly beautiful at night. From the hill we were at, the Montauk Lighthouse could be seen, as its bright light lit up the dark, scary sea. But that didn't matter at the time. I could visit the lighthouse whenever I wanted to, whereas I couldn't see the Jupiter and Saturn conjunction again for another 20 years minimum.

I laid my soft, warm blanket on top of the freshly wet grass and sat on it with anticipation and excitement while I watched my brother put together the telescope. Once he did and tested it, he motioned me to walk over him which I did instantly.

“You should be able to see them here…” he trailed off as he adjusted the scope for me a couple of times before letting go.

“Can you? Can you see them?” John asked me.

“Wait, no. Let me just- Oh my god, I see them!”

“Really? Let me see, move!” he practically shoved me into the ground out of excitement, throwing me into a couple of rocks that ended up scratching my knee deeply.

“Ouch!” I hissed and quickly brought my injured leg towards my chest.

“Holy shit I can actually- shit, y/n/n” my brother turned his attention to me when he heard my screech, his enthusiasm long gone once he was met with a bloody knee of mine.

“Fuck, sorry kid, I didn't mean to hurt you” he quickly apologised and whipped the red liquid with his shirt.

“I have some stuff in the car, Imma go bring them real fast” he announced, but I stopped him before he could get up from the ground.

“J, it's okay. It's just a scratch” I groaned.

“Y/n, this is not just a scratch, it's deep. It will probably scar, I have to disinfect it” he argued, but I didn't care.

“You'll disinfect it later. Now, sit your ass down and enjoy this moment with your sister” I playfully slapped his shoulder and chuckled. I was in pain, but I just didn't pay any attention to it. That moment, at that hill, with that exact night sky was all I could pay attention to. These, and the person who was sitting right next to me.

“Oh look, there’s Aquila!” I excitedly told him and pointed at the constellation.

“You remember,” he chuckled after nodding his head.

“Of course I do, it’s your favourite,” I rolled my eyes at him. How could he even think I had forgotten?

“Do you know why it’s my favourite?” he challenged me and I smirked.

“Because it’s an eagle. Eagle is your favourite animal” I smiled, pleased.

“Damn, you really do listen,” he laughed and patted my head. I huffed with fake annoyance and turned my head to admire the rest of the stars, trying to find the rest of the constellations I was reading about. Silence took over us, until I decided to speak again.

“I love it when we do this” I smiled at him and he looked over at me.

“I love it too, kiddo. Sorry about your knee” he apologised once again and I shook my head.

“Well, if I'm being honest, I think some ice cream would totally make it better,” I joked and batted my lashes at him playfully.

“Oh I bet it would,” he scoffed but still laughed at my tactics.

I truly did love this. Everything about it. I loved how the autumny slight cold breeze grazed my skin, how the brown, dried out leaves cracked when I stepped on them, how I could finally drink hot beverages and wear my knitted sweaters. I loved how the stars that aligned on the eternal darkness that made up the night sky reminded me of my insignificance, of how nothing actually matters in this world. I loved how I could feel my brother's warmth and kindness only when it was just the two of us, doing the things we both loved and were passionate about.

But at the same time, the same way the night’s bright ornaments reminded me of my insignificance, they also made me actually remember it. Yes, nothing mattered, but so did I. I didn't matter. I didn't know if I could be someone who mattered. Maybe if I was someone or something else, I would matter. Perhaps an injured dog or cat who’s looking for a home, the president's wife, a bottle of whiskey…

That goddamn bottle of whiskey.

“Do you think if I was a bottle of whiskey, mom would need me?” I whispered almost inaudibly under my breath. I didn't know why I said that out loud, but I did, and I hoped that John didn't hear. However, when I heard him sigh deeply, I knew that he did and I mentally cursed myself.

“I know that mom’s approval is something you crave. And I know it hurts you a lot because you're not getting it,” he looked into my eyes, “But I also want you to know that you are enough just the way you are. I love you just the way you are and you matter a lot to me, just the way you are. Whenever you feel like you're insignificant, just remember this moment right here,” he pointed towards the ground, “See the moon?” he asked me. I nodded.

“As long as this bright, floating ball shines, you're not alone. As long as the moonlight shines, you're not unseen or unknown. You are just as important as the moonlight and as long as you shine, you'll never not be enough” John concluded with a loving smile and a soft voice. His eyes scammed all over my face trying to examine my features for any signs of self doubt that he wasn't able to erase from my internal conflict, but he was unable to find any.

Not because there wasn't any left, but because I knew how to mask it.

I flashed him a grateful smile. If I didn't have him, I wouldn't be able to survive. He was my rock. He was the person who showed me how love actually felt like, and I couldn't be more thankful for him. As long as I had him, everything would be okay.

“I love you, John” I muttered and engulfed my big brother into my arms. He responded quickly by wrapping his own around my clothed back.

“I love you more, Little Bear” he whispered against my hair and planted a kiss on the top of my head.

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st-kitten · 5 months

Text

707 pt.3

← previous chapter christmas special

A/N: um... i've got two small special effects for this part, sooooo see if u can use them at the right moment :")

WARNINGS: trauma, implied death by accident, a good cry honestly, violence (intended IM A GIRLS GIRL BUT SOME THINGS ARE OKA-), that shlong, sloppenheimer (kidding: oral sex, both receiving), age gap (newsflash 😒) (reader is obv 20+ and toji is idk 38?)

"can we call y/n? for cake?" asked megumi.

"i'm not sure she wants to see anybody today, kid," replied a distressed toji

"but it's my birthday..."

toji couldn't resist megumi's puppy eyes. but he figured that if there was anyone you'd listen to, it would be him. it was worth a try.

both of them stepped out of their apartment, hearing music coming from your apartment. toji felt his breath returning to his lungs. music meant you were okay. or at least alive. your singing got clearer as the two of them stood outside your door. he tried knocking but it was left unanswered. toji wondered whether it was just a recording playing, so he pressed his ear on the door. no, that's definitely her. open the fucking door, y/n!

all toji had as a sign that you were inside were was you were singing.

[mention: easy on me, by adele, again for the lyrics ft.]

"i know there is hope in these waters..." is she crying?

"but I can't bring myself to swim, when i am drowning in this silence..." your voice croaked in the end. she's definitely crying. what the fuck did i do...

toji looked around the lobby. seeing it empty, he grabbed your doorknob and pressed hard on it, tearing it apart, breaking it. he gave it to megumi. he barged inside your barely lit, dark living room, only to find you sitting on the floor, head against the sofa, looking at the ceiling. broken glasses and torn papers surrounded you as you sang at the top of your lungs, voice overcome with some kind of pain that toji couldn't understand, but just feel.

"you can't deny how hard I've tried i changed who I was to put you both first but now I give up..."

"i was still a child..."

"so go eas-" hearing the door blast open, you stopped, whipping your head in its direction.

you were about to bark at toji when you saw the look on his face. fear... then you saw megumi, holding your doorknob, standing behind his father.

toji saw your grief-stricken face. the haunting melody of whatever heart-wrenching song you were singing still echoed in his ears, reaching out from the walls like a desperate cry for help. your disheveled hair clung to your face, a stark contrast to the carefree spirit that used to reside next door.

"w-what are you d-"

"what happened?"

toji treaded carefully around the broken glass, telling megumi to wait where he stood. he knelt down beside you, pushing away the small shards.

you sat there, too horrified to say anything. why is he here? a small shaky breath left your mouth, the rest bubbling up like lava, ready to erupt.

"i don't know what i did baby, but i'm sorr-" toji's apology went unheard as tears streamed down your face and a cry tore through the air like a wounded animal's howl. it was guttural, unrestrained, and laced with a pain so visceral that toji felt it in his bones. the sound wasn't pretty; it was raw and unfiltered, like the ugly side of life laid bare for anyone in earshot.

without a second thought, toji enveloped you in a tight embrace, pulling your trembling shoulders into him. he sat on the floor next to you, one leg folded down and the other tucked to his chest. he felt an involuntary shiver run down his spine as you sobbed into him.

"it's okay..." was all he could say. even he knew that it wasn't about fixing everything; it was about being there in whatever storm was raining down on you. he looked at megumi, unsure about how his son would take seeing you break down. the child stood a silent witness to all of it, his eyes glistening slightly.

"why is it okay?" you muttered. "for parents to be your first bullies..."

"what... stopped them," you sniffled, "from just listening to me?"

toji held onto every word that came out of your mouth. a part of him was relieved that this wasn't about him.

"i didn't want a fucking cake... i didn't want a cake, i just wanted them..." your breath hitched.

"you spend half of your life raising a child in the cruelest way... your last words to each other end up being an argument and... your last words to me were nothing..."

toji felt a knot in his stomach. he watched megumi leave and go back to their apartment. he was torn between his kid, disturbed on the eve of his birthday and the woman he was cradling, on her birthday...

as the echoes of your cry faded, they left behind a heavy, oppressive silence. only your shaky breath could be heard. he sat beside you, his eyes searching for the right words as you wiped away the tears that had traced down your cheeks.

"birthdays are supposed to be happy, ya know..." he whispered to you, as gently as he could. as if the wrong words would shatter you.

"they're also supposed to be spent with family apparently..." you said, gritting your teeth. toji didn't know what to say... he wanted so desperately to talk to her. but how do you even say something at a time like that?

megumi's small steps echoed in your living room. both of you looked at him. you felt like bawling your eyes out and toji simply smiled at his son.

megumi carried a small plate with a loaf of bread sitting atop, two tiny candles buried in it, their flames flickering in the dark room. he stood in front of you, holding out the plate to you with his tiny hands.

you held the plate, placing your hands on his. you glanced at the clock, which was seconds away from midnight. you blew one candle, covering the other with your palm. and when the clock struck 12, megumi blew the other candle out.

"happy birthday, gumi," you put the plate down and hugged him. he wrapped his tiny hands around you, resting his head on your shoulder. "happy birthday, y/n," he said softly.

hours passed by as you talked to toji about your unforeseen disappearance. megumi had fallen asleep in your lap and you stroked his head. you told him about your 13th birthday, your parents death in a car crash... you left some things off the conversation. oh, how toji felt each word you said. he knew how ruthless families could be. his own was never kind to him. he told you about his scar in return, and how he felt insecure about it.

"it's kinda hot, if you ask me." seemed like you were back to being your normal self.

toji smirked. "i know. you wouldn't stop kissing it last night."

you smacked his chest with the back of your hand. but it brought you two to that conversation. toji wanted it off his chest.

"i like ya."

you looked at him, taking a shallow breath.

"not just 'cause we made out yesterday. i'm the worst person to talk about feelings and shit to, but... i got 'em. for you." toji was done with it. he didn't want to stretch it any further. not after the day you'd had.

you opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off, "sit with it for a while. ya don't need to answer me right now."

toji picked megumi up from your lap, carrying him in his arms. he pressed a soft, patient kiss to your lips. "belated happy birthday," he said against your lips, got up and left, leaving a large hole in your door.

[ambient song y/n might vibe to: jeene mein aaye maza, by ankur tiwari]

you wandered aimlessly in the convenience store, picking up things and putting them back where they didn't belong. you circled the whole store thrice until the cashier asked you if something was wrong. paying for cheap beer and rice crackers you didn't even want, you left the store.

you walked home in the evening, head in the clouds. (a cloud shaped like toji)

he liked you. his words hammered in your mind like construction workers at the crack of dawn. girls usually felt giddy after hearing a boy confess to them. the fuck were you feeling? and why was it some kind of diarrhoea? you mind went back to how you'd kissed and how good it felt. there was no doubt that you found him attractive. you liked spending time with him. but did you like him? what even would you do if you did? date him? be his girlfriend? mother to his child? how did one go about dating an older man? if anything, he'd end up with another child.

you walked by a park, watching children playing (mostly falling), building sandcastles in the pit (and falling on them), running around chasing nothing (and falling), scurrying into their parents' arms (guess what).

did you want to be that to megumi? because being with toji meant being with megumi and being responsible for him.

you sat down on the pavement, sipping on beer that tasted like toothpaste, pondering over what kind of life you'd build for yourself. you were not interested in hook up culture. committed relationships were made to sound like life imprisonment sentences. the titles didn't apply to you and especially him. what would being with toji even look like? once your little quinn project comes to an end, what then? would he grab the cash and bolt? would he stay? would he stay anyway?

the more you sat and thought about it, the more things blurred. you thought it best not to overthink it. he did tell you to not rush an answer. but you were not the most patient of all people. the one thing you disliked was how things get awkward every time someone confesses their feelings out of the blue and the other has to be the dealbreaker.

you decided to do the rest of the thinking at home. the city was twinkling with christmas lights and decorations. it was always a wonderful sight to see. it made you want to travel to a quaint countryside only to realise your long lost love for the holiday season and family values as you broke into song about reuniting with your childh-yes, that hallmark movie.

when you entered through the gate to your building, you spotted megumi near the postboxes. a very uncomfortable megumi... in the arms of a woman you'd never seen. she looked rich. fur coat, pradas, sunglasses that covered her whole face like a covid shield. megumi so didn't want to be held like that. your gaze fell on toji, who... drumroll... had the exact same expression as his kid. as you walked in that direction you could hear the conversation.

"he likes me, don't you think?" PLEASE that's what rich people sound like?

"just put him down," toji sighed.

"no, i'm gonna steal him!!!" she giggled, shoving her face into megumi. he flinched and pushed himself away from her.

"aww, he's so playful... toji, why don't you invite me over for a drink?"

megumi wiggled like a worm in her arms, trying to escape her grip. he twisted like a pretzel until she had to put him down. but she held onto his hand tightly. that didn't go unnoticed by toji who was growing angrier every passing minute.

"come on... it'll be fun," she sneered.

"i gotta look after my kid." that was all he said.

"i'm sure he won't mind... right meggy? you'll let daddy and i play for a while, right?" megumi tried to pry her hands off, but she tugged at him harshly.

suddenly, all the diarrhoea made sense. the blur cleared. your eyes narrowed as you observed the audacious scene unfolding before you. something in your head snapped and you took purposeful steps towards her, and offensive gaze locked, devoid of any remorse.

swatting her hand off of megumi's, you put the kid behind you protectively. in a millisecond, your hand swung with conscious thought, as you smashed the beer bottle on her head. the glass shattered on her scalp, cutting through the background noise like a warning shot.

"not. your. kid."

caught between shock and appreciation for your sudden defence, toji covered his curled mouth with his palm. he looked at megumi, who stood behind you, holding the ends of your jacket. the kid looked back at his father, smirking mischievously. toji turned his cackling laughter into an asthmatic cough.

the woman couldn't take a hint even when it hit her in the skull.

"who do you think you are?"

"how dare you hit me? do you know who i am?"

"i'm talking to you!!! hello!!!??"

you let her run her mouth. you weren't interested in what she had to say. you looked down at megumi. you could see the faint red strip that circled his wrist. you knew how manipulative it was to use toji's kid as a means to get to him. you already befell his threat. but you understood it all of a sudden.

the honest urge to protect your kid.

the woman eventually stomped and left, mouthing cuss words at passersby.

"so... care to explain what that was?" asked toji, folding his hands, looking at you with fascination.

"my answer," you said with a smile as you held megumi's little hand, rubbing the back of it with your thumb.

toji smirked proudly.

"what happened here?" asked the building watchman, who heard about the act of violence from others who witnessed it.

"nothing interesting,"

"they're saying you harassed a woman," he was quick to throw an accusing glance at toji.

"nonsense! just some personal drama," you interrupted. "that's the father, this is his son."

"and that's the unholy spirit..." toji mumbled to the guard, earning a death glare from you.

the three of you walked towards the elevator. you handed megumi the rice crackers you bought and he wasted no time in digging in. toji put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer as he whispered in your ear, "what does a fella like me have to do to see you smash another bottle again?"

"flirt with another woman and i'll gladly smash one on your head."

toji's deep chuckle vibrated in your ear.

megumi dragged you inside their house to show you his new sketches. he'd really outdone himself. he'd also made his father hang all the small drawings on the christmas tree they had in their living room. toji was glad that he'd found something to occupy himself with. not that he didn't want to spend time with the kid, but seeing him not get overly attached to a single parent relieved the giant weight on his shoulders.

"mmm! gumi, i have a gift for you."

megumi trotted to you like a puppy, eyes twinkling like stars.

"you're gonna spoil him."

"correct."

you gave him a cd. "i wrote you a song." megumi clutched the cd like a prized trophy. he opened the case and showed his father the cd. you'd chased down your producer's sales guy to put one of megumi's sketches as the cd cover.

"when did you even have time to do this?"

"last night. and today morning."

"you didn't sleep?"

you looked away from him, perfectly expecting a fatherly scolding. instead, toji just chortled. he left megumi to listen to your song on a loop as the two of you went to your apartment. (sorry megs, but this is a toji x y/n)

you closed the door, swearing that the hole where your doorknob used to be was getting bigger by each minute. not a moment later, toji had his arms wrapped around you, his mouth on yours. you dropped the grocery bags on the floor and threw your hands around his neck. bumping into nearly every piece of furniture along the way, you sauntered into your room, lips glued to each other. he kissed you like it was the last thing he could do in the world and you kissed him like it was the first thing you wanted to do before anything else.

"mmm... hold on," toji pulled away momentarily and said, "promise me one thing."

"what?"

"you don't disappear when shit hits the fan. you come talk to me."

you felt guilt churn inside you, recalling how you'd left toji and megumi to wonder what 'they' had done wrong to make you go distant.

you nodded. "i promise."

toji held you in his arms for a while, taking a look at your face. he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and you winced.

"ow! careful, i just got my ear pierced."

toji raised his eyebrows. he pushed your hair aside and saw a helix piercing, the edge of your ear pink and slightly swollen.

"that looks like it hurt."

"oh, it did."

"then why'd ya get it?"

"i always get piercings on my birthday."

"why?" toji honestly didn't understand this form of self-harm.

"what can i say, buddy, i love getting stabbed..." you said plainly, backing away and took your shoes off.

toji snorted a laugh at your comment. "masochist."

"aww, big man uses big words now..." you said, keeping your shoes under your bed. toji simply slapped your ass.

"sadist."

"by the way, i added some background noises to our recording. it sounds so good!"

"oh? let's hear it then," said toji, sitting down on your bed. he was glad to see you be your usual confident self. last night had him tensed with worry. even though he wasn't the source of your pain, he couldn't imagine how lonely you must've felt spending your birthday crying as life wickedly toasted to your parent's death, scarring the one day you were supposed to own with pride.

you made him listen to some excerpts, but ended up talking over them anyway, excitedly telling him how smartly you had edited some things. he just watched you with a small smile. whenever you turned to face him, his eyes fell on your piercing. he counted how many you had. nine. marking nine years of an anniversary nobody would want to remember like this. four piercings on each ear and one in your nose. did you really need the pain to validate your broken heart? did it make you feel like you deserved it?

he dismissed those thoughts from his head. it was your decision. and you bore it like an ornament, and not a scar. plus, he now that he fully took your face in, he couldn't deny hot incredibly hot those piercings looked on you. the thought of you sitting through that and showing off your piercings made his stomach flip. seriously, how much more hot could you get?

as if to answer his question, your recording played in his ear, some scene at a party with your characters failing to keep their hands to themselves. his voice blended with yours like the perfect duet. the way you spoke, changing your tone, pitch, hell, even your little laugh to suit your character made him feral. he wanted to hear you more. but not for some recording. he wanted to hear you for himself.

the moment the recording ended, toji pounced on you, grabbing your neck, careful not to hurt your ear as he kissed you roughly. you gasped, but melted on the spot. you liked where this was going anyway. toji moved his lips along yours, nibbling at you mouth. he let you catch a breath, before shoving his tongue inside, only for it to hitch again.

he pushed you into your bed, immediately hovering over you. he let his hands run up and down your legs. you hummed under his touch. he felt you shuffle underneath. he pulled away for a moment to watch you sneak your phone out of the pocket, finger pressed on a red dot.

"you wanna give your fans a show, baby?" he murmured.

"nuh uh, this is for me," you panted.

toji smirked. "gotta make this good then..." he peppered kiss on your neck, sucking on your skin. he could smell that god awful coconut perfume. to ease the weight his humongous body dumped on you, he shoved his knee between your legs, hoisting himself over you properly. you practically moaned in his mouth at the feeling of his knee rubbing against you. you had no idea what to do with your hands, so you just let them stay on your stomach lifelessly.

toji broke the kiss once more, chuckling at the whine that escaped from your mouth.

"so needy..." he growled, taking his shirt off with one hand. your jaw hung open as you took him in. the way he towered you even when sitting on his knees made him seem almost... monstrous.

toji only it thought it fair to get rid of your clothes too. he held your waist and pulled you to him, hoisting you on his lap. he took your jacket off, throwing it on the floor.

"be careful with the shirt. it's vivienne westwood."

"strip then."

slowly, taking the sweet time of your life, you pulled the shirt off, turning it right side up and neatly folded it, placing it at the far end of your bed.

"you done, sweetie?" he cooed in your ear.

"done."

"lovely. put your hands to use." he had you folded under him, back on the bed, kisses getting rougher, wetter, messier. you clawed at his shoulder, back, neck, chest, every part of him that you could touch. he licked a particular spot just under your ear that made you mewl in pleasure. like a vampire, toji bit your neck, causing you to moan softly.

his free hand unclasped your bra and tossed it away.

"would it kill you to not throw my clothes here and there?"

"thought you liked it violent, baby..." he murmured in your ear, biting a hickey on your neck. he kept switching between kissing your lips and sucking at your neck while he played with your tits, squeezing them, pinching them, kneading them like dough. he was right. they did fit in his hands perfectly. he latched his mouth onto one, making you squirm under him.

toji was absorbing your body. he felt bold; bold to take what he wanted from you. well, what he wanted was you. your body, your hips, your mouth, all of it. he wanted to show you just how desirable you were to him.

the hand that roamed your waist slowly trailed down your cargo pants. you didn't even realise when he took them off, but it was good anyway. less is more.

at an agonisingly slow pace, the tips of his fingers teased you over your panties. toji took a look at you, covered in his marks, lips pink and swollen.

he chuckled, "just how many of these stupid panties do you have?"

"I FUCKING KNEW IT. PANTY THIEF!" you smacked his abs.

"they're mine now," toji murmured as back away, spreading your legs apart with his hands, grabbing at your thighs. he kissed your inner thigh languorously making his way down to your wet cunt. he took your panties off, once more putting them back in his pockets. he dipped two of is fingers inside slowly, as if he was learning about your body. he watched your every reaction, every quiver, every hitched breath as he took his time and prepped you for himself. he curled his fingers at an optimal spot and like a cat on heat, you mewled and your legs shut tight around his hand.

"uh uh uh, i need these legs wide open, darling." he knew how much you liked it when he said that. when you didn't spread them, he smacked a hard slap on your hip, causing you to gasp and giggle as you did as directed.

"don't be a brat."

"or what?"

toji didn't retort. instead, he dove straight into your cunt, painting your insides with long strokes with his tongue. he paired it with his forefinger running up and down, inside and out, pushing against your clit. hearing you whimper and pant just made him want to tease you. recording all those dirty audios with you had him gain a mind in the game. like an illusionist, his hands disappeared and he pulled away, making you pine for him.

"toji fushiguro, i will smash a bottle on your head if you ever take your mouth off me like that again..." god, you sounded so sexy.

"ya know... it makes my dick hard when you talk to me like that."

you crunched forward and grabbed his hair, pulling him back to your pussy. toji chuckled, resuming eating you out like a man starved for days.

"oh i bet it does," you said breathlessly, throwing a few more slurred taunts his way. toji extended his free hand and shoved two of his fingers in your mouth.

"put that mouth to use, brat." he groaned in pleasure feeling your tongue swirl around his fingers, sucking them, gently biting them whenever he lapped at your cunt the right away. even with his fingers stuffed in your mouth, he could hear your muffled moans loudly. he sped his pace, slipping his fingers in and out of you, lapping at your core. he felt you clench and he took it as an open invitation to increase the pressure. you let out a long, stretched moan as you gushed all over his chin.

"is this what you ladies call girl dinner?" toji took his fingers out of you, licking them and tasting you, smacking his lips.

you laughed, throwing your head back.

"ugh, shut up."

"make me," you commented, practically waltzing into the man's next plan for you. toji's hand wrapped around your throat as he pulled you up as if you weight nothing. he got off the bed, standing in front of you as you were on all fours.

"gladly," toji slid his pants and boxers down, freeing his hard-as-a-rock girth.

"this isn't fair, toji," you cried at the size of it.

"i know, baby..." he gripped your chin with his fingers, nearly crushing your jaw. you looked up at him and seeing you on your knees for him lit a fire within him.

playfully you licked his wet lip like a kitten...

"cute. but that's not gonna cut it, sweetheart."

"i'll have you know i won the popsicle eating contest in my college..."

toji chuckled, holding his cock out to your face and smacked it against your lips. "gonna keep me waitin'?"

you took his head in your mouth, swirling your tongue around it, letting the tip run between the faint slit. you bobbed your head a few times, adjusting to his length and width. you'd be grateful to have a jaw left by the time you've sucked him dry. you took his length in your, stroking what you couldn't. you felt his cock twitch and pulsate in your mouth.

"god, you're doing so well..." toji reached forward, accidentally thrusting more of his dick in your mouth, making you whimper. he picked up your phone, which had been recording every lewd sound you made and he held it by his hip. "you sound so... fucking perfect, baby... gagging over my dick like that."

he pushed your hair aside, gripping it tightly as he pushed your head further in, moaning at how good it felt to have you take damn nearly all of him.

"fuck... shit.... s' good" toji let a buffet of grunts and moans spill out of his mouth. first, because he you took him that well, and second because he wanted you to get off to his voice, just like he did to yours. he began thrusting into your mouth faster, feeling his release creeping its way up. had he known how easy it was for him to come just by getting a quick blowjob, he'd have put more work into the foreplay. but fuck, he loved every damn moment of it. how your mouth was wet and warm, how your pointed tongue knew just where to lick, how your cheeks hollowed to pull him in.

"keep going, baby... i'm almost there," he panted, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back, hips moving at a brutal pace. his mind went to you eating a popsicle for some reason and he laughed, paving the way for a guttural moan that rumbled through his mouth as he came into your mouth. you closed your eyes, letting the uncomfortable feeling pass away as you managed to swallow the barrel full of cum he just shot into your mouth.

toji pulled out, feeling euphoric. he was completely obsessed with you. he wanted to take your right there. he wanted to be inside you. fuck, he wanted to see how loud you could get for him.

a knock on your main door and a small voice calling out to toji snapped you back to your senses.

"what a cockblock," toji sighed.

you threw a pillow at him. "that's your adorable birthday boy you're talking about!"

toji changed back into his clothes, refusing to give you your panties back, earning another pillow to his face. he looked at you to make sure you still didn't have second thoughts about him. but there you were, effortlessly moving around the room, picking up the pieces of clothing he'd tossed here and there. he loved how much fun you had doing all these things with him. it made the experience twice as much worth it.

you changed into your pyjamas and led toji out of your bedroom.

"does it say 'juicy' on your ass?" he said, reading the glittery text on your pants.

"ya bet it does," you smacked your own ass, proud of your sense of fashion, no matter how ridiculous it was.

"gonna fuck that ass someday."

"fix my door first." you peeked through the hole in your door, looking at the top of megumi's hair.

you opened the door to see megumi standing in his pyjamas, holding his demon dog, yawning.

"awww, sorry for keeping your dad for so long."

megumi yawned again, nodding.

"she sang a song for me too, you know..." said toji, picking up his sleepy kid, giving you a wink. you kicked his ass, making him stagger out of your house.

"good night."

"good night..." you smiled at the two.

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊

TAGLIST: @kaininety2 @ruixrei @chicken-fifi @mrsfush1guro @szillx @queendessi24 @sillysillygoofygoose @shadowmoonlight0604

#forgive me father for i have sinned #toji fushiguro #dad toji #toji #fushiguro #toji fushiguro x reader #toji x reader #toji x y/n #toji fushiguro x y/n #megumi #juicy pants

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seokmthw · 1 year

Text

after midnight | sung hanbin

⇢ pairing: hanbin x afab reader

⇢ warnings: best friends to lovers, fluff, a smidge of angst if you squint, first time smut, marking, oral (female receiving), explicit language, overall extremely soft

⇢ word count: 2.5k

⇢ synopsis: late night confessions with your best friend lead to things getting heated before he leaves for a few months.

⇢ note: ohhh i absolutely love how this turned out :( it's something i had partially written way back when, but never finished, and i figured that since i've been so inspired to write lately, i would! i hope you all enjoy, this is definitely one of my favorites! friendly reminder that i only write smut with afab readers because it's what i'm most comfortable with!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

never in your life did you think you would find yourself in this position.

to be fair, this kind of situation itself wasn’t uncommon; you were laying in your best friend’s bed with blankets strewn about and your heads propped up by millions of pillows. but something was slightly different this time in that it would be the last you’d see of hanbin for months.

zb1 had announced a world tour shortly after their debut, which would require them to travel to many different countries, and could take a bit of time if there were setbacks or possible reschedules of shows. to say you didn’t take the news of the tour well was an understatement, even if you were happy the group was proving to be successful enough to be able to travel to a plethora of different countries just after debut.

you didn’t think you’d have to be away from him for so long, especially so soon, but now the two of you were stuck spending the last night together watching a drama in silence, the only light in the room coming from the tv and a small lamp that was on hanbin’s desk. you’d spent your entire lives in the company of one another and now to break that record for what felt like an eternity filled you to the brim with dread.

sighing, you mumbled, “hanbin?”

he hummed questioningly in response, his body shifting onto his side so he could face you while you talked.

“this fucking sucks.”

hanbin scoffed, placing his hand onto his chest in mock offense, “i think the show is quite funny, myself.”

you offered him the faintest of smiles you could muster, closing your eyes and sucking in a long, deep breath to prevent your voice from trembling as you spoke, “you know what i’m talking about.”

his facade dropped quickly, his eyes filling up with a deep sadness as he threw his arm over your shoulder comfortingly, “i know it does. but just think; i’ll be back in no time and you’ll have to deal with me everyday again for the rest of your life. besides, you know i’ll facetime you whenever i can.”

“i know but,” you paused, not knowing what to say next. you’d had a constant battle within yourself over whether or not you should just admit your feelings for him, but you always chickened out at the last minute. you shook your head, “nevermind. you’re right, i think i’m just being too selfish with you.”

“too selfish? i don’t really think there’s such a thing when it comes to you and i. you saw me, i was equally a mess when i had to break the news to you. hysterics, really,” he imitated himself sobbing and you silently cursed him for always being able to make you laugh.

“well, yes,” you agreed, finally turning to face him, though instantly regretting your actions the moment you opened your mouth again, “but it’s something more than that and i’m not sure how to feel.”

he cocked his head to the side in confusion, “i don’t think i’m understanding what you’re trying to get at.”

“me either,” you replied, your voice quiet, “and that’s the scary part.”

what’s worse is that most times you felt as though you could read hanbin like an open book, but tonight you really couldn't tell what was going on behind his eyes. maybe it was the reflection of the tv off of them that put your mind into overdrive. without any thought, your hand found its way to his face, gently cupping his cheek as your thumb traces various different little shapes on his skin.

"can you please just say it already? before i have to?" hanbin spoke freely, viciously tearing you from your thoughts.

“what?”

his eyes fluttered shut in response to your gentle touch, “you’re never like this. just tell me what’s on your mind. you know i will never, ever judge you.”

“hanbin, i-“ you didn’t realize how close he’d gotten to you, which only made you panic even more, “i don't know why i didn't tell you sooner. i mean god, it's been years of deciding when the right time would be to do it, if the time were to ever come at all, and now i feel like a dumbass because tomorrow i won't even have you anymore. i’ve just realized that among all the chaos and fans throwing themselves in your direction, i realized that everything i have ever wanted could have been you this whole time, and i hate that you leaving is what has led to this.”

you paused for a moment before starting back in with your monologue, “it’s to the point i can’t imagine my life without you, even if it’s just for the few months you’ll be away for tour. i mean, not even 5 hours go by and you’re getting a facetime call from me an-”

your erratic breathing was causing your words to run together into a giant mess of mumbling and not knowing where you were going next, but it was all cut off in an instant when hanbin leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours gently. it was beyond quick, and if you blinked you’re sure you would have missed it, but it’s all you ever needed.

“i get it,” he said after a moment of silence.

“you didn’t even let me get to my point,” you sheepishly laughed, pink taking over the expanse of your cheeks.

he smiled softly, taking this time to speak, “don’t worry, you got your point across. i’ve known for a while now, actually, but i’ve had my own doubts, just like you. i didn’t want to hurt our friendship either so i just tried my best to ignore it. figured i would rather have you as my dearest friend than not in my life at all in the event that i was reading our whole situation completely wrong.”

he paused for a moment, gauging your reaction before he began to talk again, “when you said it could have been me this whole time, that’s when i understood. you have no idea how many times i’ve thought the exact same thing.”

another silence fell between you after that, but you were both thinking the same thing. it was comfortable, as it always was beside him, but you couldn't help but feel like you were under a microscope with how hanbin’s eyes were scanning your face. a sad smile spread on your face as you closed your eyes for the nth time that night, not bearing to look at him.

"what’s the matter?" he asked, reaching his hand out to brush a strand of hair behind your ear, his gaze softening the moment you leaned into his touch.

“saying goodbye is gonna be a lot harder now.”

“it could always be a ‘see you later until i get back’ kind of thing, if that’s what you want” hanbin offered, a smile now blooming beautifully across his face.

"of course that's what i want," you joked, "but i’m going to have to come to terms with this. you gotta get out there and show everyone what sung hanbin is made of."

"i love you," he answered. your brain wasn't given enough time to process those words before he continued nonchalantly, "i’ll be able to call you whenever the time zones allow. it’ll be like we were never apart."

“i-i really hope so,” you could feel your brain malfunctioning, “and i love you, too.”

"really?" he asked, being suddenly energized by your words. he sat up a little, supporting himself on his forearms, now leaning over you a bit with a cheeky grin, "say it again."

you couldn't help but laugh looking up at him, his eyes shining brighter than the stars with that eager expression on his face, "yes, really. i love you, hanbin. i always have."

when he kissed you this time, it wasn't like the first, or the second or the third. this time, it felt like everything you had waited for all those years was finally to its end and you had both done enough waiting. your arms reached up and found their way behind his neck, bringing him closer to you. his moved from their relaxed position beside you to your hips and the delicate touch of his fingers on your skin felt like fire, sending a wave of sparks all through your body.

he began to pepper kisses all along your jaw and neck, his fingers toying with the hem of your t-shirt, “can i…?”

“yeah,” you stuttered, shifting upwards momentarily to help him remove the fabric from your body. once your top was discarded somewhere in the mess of covers surrounding you, there was a short silence.

"you’re stunning," hanbin said, voice barely above a whisper as his eyes took in all of you.

you swatted at his chest, “oh, stop!”

you could feel your face grow warm at the next thing you managed to squeak out, “hey, i’ve never… done anything like this before.”

“i know.”

“should i be insulted?”

hanbin laughed before leaning down and hushing your babbling with his lips once again. "you know that's not what i meant. besides, would i not have been the first person you told?"

“you got me there,” you giggled, though you got a little more serious as you asked, “what about you?”

“never, you’re my first as well.”

you didn’t know why you had thought differently about him, even if his previous point was accurate to your friendship. while you were always each other’s number one, he was definitely the more social of the two of you since he was an idol and interacted with fans and his labelmates a lot, so you had just assumed he had gotten around a couple of times. but now, realizing you both were in the same boat, it made you feel a lot more comfortable.

you took your turn grabbing the bottom of his shirt and lifting it over his head, a soft, giddy smile adorning your lips as you discarded it onto the floor beside his bed. he pecked your lips gently, slowly moving down your jaw and neck to just behind your ear, gently sucking to leave a mark only he was able to see. your back arched a bit, a quiet gasp falling from your mouth.

his hands worked to unbutton your jeans, mouth now settling on one of your nipples and sucking lightly, eliciting a moan from your lungs as he did so. you shimmied out of your pants, allowing hanbin to toss those into the pile of your clothes already on the floor with a soft thud. hanbin peppered kisses along the expanse of your chest and slowly down to the waistband of your underwear, eyes peering up at you through his lashes, “are you sure this okay?”

you nodded, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes, “positive.”

upon hearing your words of approval, he hooked his finger beneath them, gently pulling them off of your legs and exposing everything to him, a faint smile on his lips as he began to press kisses along the insides of your thighs, completely avoiding where you desperately wanted him. he hummed softly, littering a few bruises across your delicate skin before he inched closer and closer to your core, finally licking an experimental stripe up your slit.

a gasp slipped past your lips as he did, a shudder racing down your spine at the feeling. his tongue slowly began to work on your clit, causing your eyes to flutter shut and back to arch ever so slightly off of the bed, fingers threading through his hair and tugging gently on the roots each time he sent a wave of pleasure coursing through your body.

he hummed softly against you, the vibration beginning to make your legs shake, and you were so close to reaching your high you could almost taste it, but hanbin ripped himself away from you, chin glistening with your arousal as he did. you almost felt embarrassed at the whine you let out at the absence of his touch, but he quickly reassured you that you’d have all of him in just few minutes.

you blushed, stuttering as you asked, “do you…”

“no, no, we can save that for another time, yeah? i want to make tonight about making you feel good,” his gentle smile was enough to reassure you that he was okay with you not returning the favor, but it certainly gave you something to look forward to once he returned back from tour.

hanbin made quick work of discarding his sweatpants and boxers, his cock springing free and very obviously hard from the previous events. you couldn’t help but stare, worried about what was to come, and whether or not you would be in a severe amount of pain. he noticed as he rolled a condom down his shaft, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “we can stop here, if you want. i don’t want to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

“it’s okay, i want to, really,” you replied, hoping the honesty lacing your words was enough. he nodded, positioning himself over you, one arm bearing all of his weigh and the other one lining himself up with you, tip teasing your core.

he pressed his forehead to yours, glittering brown eyes staring deep into your own, “if it’s too much, please don’t be afraid to tell me stop.”

they say your first time should be saved for someone very special. you had never really thought about it before, the concept of it all just not ever being at the front of your mind, but being there with hanbin, you understood why it was that people believed such things.

you weren't sure if it was the way hanbin touched you as if you were made of glass, or the way he kissed your pain away as he slipped inside of you for the first time, or if it was the way he couldn't go more than a minute without reminding you that he loved you; but it made you feel that in all the time you had spent with him, nothing had ever felt as right as this. every experience, every beautiful moment you had shared together, everything felt like it was building up to this. the reciprocated love that you were sharing couldn't be compared to anything you had ever felt before.

when all was said and done, hanbin grabbed a blanket to cover your bodies instead of searching in the dim light of the tv for your clothes. his chest was warm and you loved the idea of laying against it, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

part of you expected things to feel different, and in a way they did, but this was the path that the two of you had chosen together. you believed that as long as he was beside you, you were on the right one. you believed in hanbin, and he believed in you, too.

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with-my-murder-flute · 17 days

Text

Cristabel and the proverbial sandwich

(Spoilers for Harrow and Nona the Ninth)

I have not known inner peace since I saw someone say, "But come on, does anyone ACTUALLY buy John's story about how the nun died?"

Because honestly, I'd just kind of gone, "Super random, very weird interaction, boy there sure are cult mindworms at play here," and moved on to the next page.

But as soon as I saw that question asked, the amount I did not buy that story hit me like a load of bricks, to the point I'm kind of amazed that I ever did believe it.

Two people. A locked door. A nuclear standoff. A close-range head injury.

On one side, a full-fledged Catholic nun—well done, that’s the classic—who's best friends with a staunchly atheist world-class scientist and believes, if we're to believe John, that Jesus's problem is that he didn't stick to office hours.

On the other, a woman described as, "A total delight. Effervescent. Kind to animals and children. A master of the sword. Did not have the intellect you’d ordinarily find in a sandwich or an orange, and was a sickening twerp into the bargain."

Oh, and in the middle, there's also a necromancer who wants to bring back his friends... minus any little details about things he they might have done wrong. He "knows where memory lives in the brain", and they "won't have any of it." And "guys as careful as me don't make mistakes," but then again, all that means is that if he kills someone, he did it on purpose.

C— talks her way into a locked room with John, who's on the phone threatening some world leaders with a nuke, expresses care and concern for him, and then... decides he needs more data on the soul? And kills herself to provide that for him?

I'll be honest, I just don't believe that John was an ordinary guy, totally normal, could be any of us, and he just got put in a really stressful situation and made some bad choices but who HASN'T done things they aren't proud of??? I reject that point of view completely. Like, Elon Musk in any given interaction probably is really stressed out and unhappy and having trouble responding in a way that's at all well-considered or emotionally mature, but that doesn't mean that Musk isn't also, at baseline, a deeply stupid, petty, immature, grandiose, entitled, egocentric person. No matter what situation you put him in, he's going to keep on being those things.

I think that John's initial idea was to put the entire human population of Earth, minus some necessary staff, into some giant cryonic freezers, and give the Earth some amount of time to rest and recover from the effects of human-caused pollution. A plan about which I will confess some hesitation myself; being told "just lie down in this coffin, bro, you'll only be a little dead, I'll totally bring you back to life* in a couple centuries (*98% effective!) " does not fill me with an enthusiasm to hop on board.

And then his project got cut. And he decided, "Well, if they won't agree, I can just make them agree." After all, all that end game needs is 10 billion frozen corpses hanging out in those tin cans, and a small team of staff left to keep the place running. How it gets there is something he can afford to be flexible about. If people won't climb in on their own, he can put them there.

So when C— or the nun tell him to stop focusing on revenge, to bend all his energies to saving the world, I think he thinks: Well, I am. He's gonna wash the earth clean at the end of this! He just needs to be able to set the dominoes in motion. He just needs to engineer a situation that will justify taking his nuke out of the vault and making the pieces fall.

A situation that would be sabotaged, ruined, if anyone made a true deep sincere good-faith effort to talk him out of Plan Nuke and called the legitimacy of this crisis into any sort of question. He needs to prevent that from happening.

Actually. Also. He needs one more thing than that.

He needs an excuse to use the nuke, but also, he's finishing his homework at the very last minute. He still hasn't mastered the soul. He does need a few more test subjects.

Maybe he let her in and thought: Two birds with one stone, eh?

#lis's tlt theories #the locked tomb #the locked tomb spoilers #ntn spoilers #htn spoilers #cristabel oct #john gaius must die

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ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused · 1 year

Note

So I saw that you were wanting Bucky requests, and I didn't see any rules, but how about something where his new neighbor (from the apartment in FATWS) is this cute plus size woman who he keeps running into and slowly falling for? But maybe one night he happens upon her while she's getting mugged and saves her. From there she asks him out to dinner as a way to pay him back and it could end in fluff of them starting to date, or smut. Either way.

༉‧₊˚. 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 || 𝐛𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬

— pairing: bucky barnes x plus size!reader

— summary: bucky's life was dull, and after the blip, it felt like he had nothing. that was until his cute neighbor came stumbling out of the elevator of their apartment building.

— warnings: mentions of mugging, that's really it, just fluff!

— wc: 982

⋆ a/n: i had a bunch of fun writing this! it was so cute and i'm a sucker for neighborly romance, so i made sure to go all out for this one. thank you so much for your request!

masterlist | AO3

It all started when you stumbled through your elevators carrying a heavy moving box while bucky was getting his mail, knocking into him as you squeaked out an apology.

"Sorry!" You spoke. you sounded out of breath as you dropped the box on the doorstep next to his, huffing as you leaned against the door. "You must be my neighbor!" You said in fatigued glee, a small smile on your face as you took in his disheveled appearance.

Usually, people never greeted him, the residents in the building avoiding him even though he helped to save their planet. He peeked behind him, a way of asking if you were talking to him.

"Yeah, you." You said, your smile widening. "Oh," he chuckled awkwardly, "Yeah, hey, I'm bucky." you approached him, your clammy hand taking his rough one in yours. You told him your name. "Nice... well, uh— I'll see you?" You nodded, letting his hand go. "Yeah, definitely!"

That wasn't the last time that he saw you, and he slowly grew glad that it wasn't. You were kind to him, the second day of you living there, you brought him a whole tub of cookies.

"Yeah?" He greeted rudely as he opened the door. Your grin didn't falter as you presented the container full of the baked treats to him. He felt bad, guilt twisting in his gut. This was definitely not a good reflection of his character.

"Oh, are those for me?" You nodded. "Yeah, I made a lot of them last night, kind of as a way to say, 'yay I'm living all by myself!'" Your grin slowly fell, "I don't even know if you like this kind! oh my gosh, I'm sorry. if these aren't, tell me what you like, and I'll make more—" He cut you off by taking the plastic container from out of your hands. "I like chocolate chip. you can never go wrong with the classics." You smiled once more. "What a relief."

And for the first time, he found that be liked when you smiled, and he was going to keep it that way, for as long as you lived there.

The third time he had saw you, there was a bad storm, one that had taken out the power throughout the entire building. There was a tiny knock, bucky holding back his rude greeting as he opened the door. There you stood, a look of fear on your face even though you tried to give him a grin.

"This might be a strange question, but can I stay here for the night?" Bucky's body froze at the request, for the first time in forever he felt nervous, nervous around you. Nonetheless, he allowed you to come in, moving his body out of the way so that you could walk through. Your bodies brushed for a brief moment and red painted the tips of his ears; you were so soft, and you smelt good. That was when he knew he had fallen for you, the cute chubby woman that lived next door.

You two grew closer since then, and he began to unconsciously grow attuned to your schedule. So, when he hadn't heard the familiar sound of you entering your home, he panicked, getting up from his spot from the couch and grabbing his jacket. He walked the streets around your apartment, and that's when he heard it, a commotion going on from an alleyway not even a block away.

"Let go!" He heard your voice screech. "Just give me your shit lady!" he practically ran, standing at the entrance like a vigilante, his figure illuminated by the streetlights. "Let the damn purse go. now." He all but growled. The man would have been an idiot to not recognize the voice of the winter soldier. He let go of it, your body falling back slightly as he took off.

"Bucky?" You asked unsurely. "It's me, doll. Are you alright?" You nodded, reaching out for him as he sweetly took your hand in his, leading you out and onto the sidewalk. "Yeah, I just— I thought that it would be safe enough for me to take a short cut but... I guess not." You explained, a sad laugh escaping your throat. Then, Bucky pulled you into his arms, holding you close to him as you stood in his arms, frozen.

"I'll pick you up from work for now on." You gently pushed him away. "it's okay, buck. you don't have to do that; I can just catch a cab or something." Butterflies fluttered inside your stomach as he cupped the side of your face.

"I want too." You he said softly, peering into your eyes as if he was afraid that you would fall apart.

"Then you can." You said quietly. The air was thick with tension, both of you hesitant to take the next step. His lips brushed yours as he moved his head. You pushed up on your toes, your lips finally locking in a long-awaited kiss as you melted into his arms. You had been pining over the misunderstood man ever since you had moved in, ever since you had seen him brooding in the hallways in a wife beater, looking as though he was completely worn down.

When you separated, you were gasping for air, your hands clamped down on the collar of his jacket, holding him close to you.

"I uh— I was going to make dinner when I got home, if you would like to join me?" You asked, looking up at him through your eyelashes. For the first time, you had saw him smile. It was nothing too big, just a slight raise of the lips, but you would take it.

"Yeah, I would like that a lot." He breathed.

"Awesome." You said with a grin before leaning up to kiss him once again.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood

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