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dadgonedeku · 4 years

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Bnha Comfort Headcanons

❣️✨~SFW & Gender Neutral!Reader (S/O)

❣️✨~Warnings: mentions of panic & anxiety attacks, nightmares, includes cursing, and includes mentions of other potentially sensitive and personal topics, so please if you’re sensitive to stuff like this then read at your own risk!

❣️✨~Characters Included: Baku, Kiri, Todo, Deku, Mirio, Tamaki, Nejire, Kami, Sero, & Shinsou

❣️✨~Hello! I just felt like writing some fluffy comfort hcs since we’re currently all dealing with rough times and a global pandemic to top it off, so have these! I hope they help at least a little because I know they helped me when writing them!

❣️✨~Also I honestly had no idea what emoji to use for Sero? I went through like four different ones before deciding on a juice box because he was drinking one in one of Kiri’s flashbacks. IM SO SORRY I- IT WAS TWO IN THE MORNING I APOLOGIZE I PROMSIE ILL CHANGE IT-

Katsuki Bakugou💥

💥~ Believe it or not, but he understands what you’re going through, whether it be emotional or physical stress, or even anxiety and panic attacks, he knows the feeling of them all.

💥~ He can most likely relate to nearly everything that can cause those feelings, and he knows that familiar feeling of emptiness, heartache or sadness, and stress above all.

💥~ And truth be told, he’s a hothead and can definitely be a huge asshole sometimes, but with you it’s different.

💥~ He never wants to see you hurt, never wants to see you in discomfort, and certainly never wants to see you in a situation that’s unsafe for you.

💥~ So when he walks in on you crying or you come to him wanting to talk about an issue, he won’t admit it but he’s worried for you, and wonders how he can help in any way. Also he immediately threatens to blow someone through a roof.

💥~ He cherishes you and loves every part of you, it’s not like he’d just ask any random extra to be his s/o, and in all honestly he was the one who asked you to be with him in the first place.

💥~ He’ll hold you close and pet your head, and if you’re crying he’ll bring up his thumb to your face to dry your tears and cradle your face. “Oi, none of that dumbass.”

💥~ You two will stay like that for however long you need or want to, he honestly doesn’t mind, he just wants to make sure you’re okay.

💥~ He’ll tell you how strong, beautiful, and amazing you are, and that he loves every inch of you with everything he has.

💥~ Overall just suavely hypes you up and cradles you in his hold, and won’t even care if you end up falling asleep or passing out on him from emotional exhaustion. He’ll just carry you to bed and stay with you, pressing soft kisses to your forehead and running his fingers through your hair, wrapping his strong and safe arms around you as you rest.

Eijirou Kirishima🥊

🥊~ He feels so guilty and awful that he even allowed you to feel like this in the first place.

🥊~ Like what kind of man ever allows his s/o to be in a situation like that? How could he have ever slipped up and looked over your feelings?

🥊~ Is instantly at your side if you’re upset or crying, and will not hesitate to cuddle you until the end of time. “Gosh I’m so sorry s/o! What’s wrong? Please tell me!”

🥊~ He’s the empathic type, and in all honestly he’ll probably cry if he sees you crying.

🥊~ He’ll make you stop whatever you’re doing and focus on him and whatever he’s saying to try and comfort you, and will apologize for allowing you to even feel that way in the first place.

🥊~ He understands being stressed out or exhausted, and he can relate to the feeling of overwhelming anxiety or sadness.

🥊~ He’ll hold you close or snuggle up with you, securing you in a protective hold as he whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

🥊~ He’ll tell you just how much you make his heart flutter with everything you do and just how stunning you are to him.

🥊~ Will rub your thigh or run his hands through your hair or pet your head until you fall asleep in his arms.

🥊~ Ends up staying and sleeping with you, because it wouldn’t be manly to leave his s/o alone after they had just broke down in front him, plus he just always wants to make sure you’re okay.

Shouto Todoroki❄️🔥

❄️~ He doesn’t completely understand? Like he hasn’t really dealt with having to comfort someone else before?

🔥~ But he gets the feeling of having panic or anxiety attacks or the feelings of being overwhelmed or sad, and longs to help you get rid of them like he’s trying to with his.

❄️~ Immediately asks if you’re physically hurt or in pain, and if you say you aren’t then it’s an instant sigh of relief for him.

🔥~ If you’re crying he will hold you to his chest and warm you up or cool you down, offering a reassuring sensation that relaxes your tense muscles.

❄️~ He will wipe away your tears and press short kisses to your forehead, and will ask you if you want or need to talk about it with him.

🔥~ He will talk you through it and tell you how he has dealt with it or ways that could most likely help you.

❄️~ He will offer to stay as long as you need to want him there, and he silently pleads to himself that you don’t kick him out or ask him to leave, he knows you won’t, but he can’t help but ponder.

🔥~ He seems calm and collected on the outside, and sometimes that is indeed the case, but other times, he’s always worried sick, and every once in a while that leads to his quirk acting up slightly.

❄️~ You don’t mind though, you understand and you try to explain your situation the best you can for him so he can do his best to help you.

🔥~ Overall the two of you end up falling asleep with you on top of him, curled up against a wall as he holds you close. “I love you s/o, never forget that.”

Izuku Midoriya🥦

🥦~ He’s honestly so distraught he doesn’t even know what to do.

🥦~ It takes him a bit to get over the preemptive panic fit before he finally realizes that you need him to calm you down and not vice versa. “I’m so sorry s/o! Please tell me what’s wrong! I want to help in any way I can.”

🥦~ He’ll apologize multiple times, even if it wasn’t his fault, he just feels so upset and guilty that he can’t help but feel somewhat responsible.

🥦~ He’s crying, definitely crying, even if you aren’t, he still will, always, every damn time.

🥦~ He can relate if you have nightmares or panic attacks, and understands how they could make you feel because he’s had his fair share too.

🥦~ He’ll hold you close and mutters things about how he’ll always protect you and will never let anything happen to you or hurt you ever again.

🥦~ He also forces you to take it easy for the next couple of days, because it’s important to take care of yourself too, and our boi had to learn that the hard way.

🥦~ He never wants to see you hurt or upset, so he’ll do anything to make you feel better.

🥦~ He’ll break the rules and stay with you in your dorm for the night or whenever you need or want him to, when it comes to your health and safety he’ll break every rule in the book.

🥦~ The day after he’ll give you little surprises like your favorite snacks or maybe even a hoodie of his that he knows you love.

Hitoshi Shinsou💜

💜~ Honestly doesn’t know what to do at first.

💜~ ‘Shit, they’re upset, oh fuck they’re crying, fUcK whAt do I dO”

💜~ He tries his best, he knows he’s not the most understanding or the most empathetic person, but he’ll still try his hardest for you.

💜~ He understands if you’re having anxiety attacks or are just reacting to being overwhelmed, and he also heavily relates to lack of motivation.

💜~ So if you’re suffering from any of them, he’ll have his own way of helping you through it.

💜~ He will hold you in his arms, rocking back and forth slightly. He’ll try and crack dumb jokes to make you laugh, or tell you stupid stories about himself and the antics that in sued.

💜~ He’ll pet your head and call you ‘kitten’ regardless of your gender. “There there kitten, everything’s gonna be okay.”

💜~ He dries your tears and always finds a way to cheer you up, and will sometimes even turn on a ‘sad hours’ playlist for the two of you to listen to while you hold eachother.

💜~ He offers to drown one of his hoodies in that cologne you like for you to borrow and wear, and you happily agree.

💜~ If you fall asleep on him he just carries you to bed, gets in with you, tucks himself in and cradles you in his arms, never letting go and eventually falling asleep himself.

Denki Kaminari⚡️

⚡️~ The same as shinsou honestly.

⚡️~ ‘Shit, what the fuck what the fUcK why they’re cRyInG whAT dO I dO?!’

⚡️~ He does his best, and he can understand having anxiety or going through a situation that’s overwhelming, but that’s about it. “I’m so sorry s/o, I had no idea, please just tell me what’s wrong so I can help you.”

⚡️~ He just wants to be there with you and make sure you’re okay in the end, and won’t hesitate to blow off his friends if it means that he can help you out.

⚡️~ If he somehow can’t be there for you he will barrage you by sending you memes or voice attachments of him saying stupid shit to make you laugh.

⚡️~ He will hold you close and play with your hair, and he will offer to get you food or drinks in hopes to make sure that one of the reasons you’re upset isn’t because you’re hungry.

⚡️~ He will gush about how much he loves you and how whipped he is for you, and will even go as far as to call himself a simp.

⚡️~ Will not hold back in exposing his friends and their stupid antics in the hopes to make you laugh at least a little.

⚡️~ He assures you that everything will be okay and he will press gentle kisses to your face or the top of your head.

⚡️~ The two of you somehow or someway end up dying laughing while playing video games or making tiktoks at two in the morning, that’s just the magic of Kami.

Hanta Sero🧃

🧃~ He’s honestly really upset for you at first...

🧃~ Like who hurt you? Who’s gotta pay the price? (Highkey Bakugou too but-)

🧃~ He walks in so worried for you, his heart racing and his stomach feels like it’s in his throat.

🧃~ Immediately hugs you and tells you it’s gonna be okay, asks you what happened and why you’re going through this. “I just- fuck s/o, I don’t know what to do, please tell me what’s wrong.”

🧃~ If you tell him what’s going on he tries his best to give you good advice, or also finds a way to say that he understands, which honestly, he probably doesn’t. (At least not fully)

🧃~ There’s like a 45% chance that he will cry, even if you aren’t. He’s just so heartbroken to see you the way you are and he can’t help but feel super emotional too.

🧃~ Offers to go out and get take out or some other food for you both, if you accept then he’s back in seconds to minutes, but if you decline that’s okay too.

🧃~ He pulls you to his chest and tries his best to crack a stupid joke or two in an attempt to make you laugh.

🧃~ He’s the type to praise you to no end, constantly hyping you up whether you need it or not.

🧃~ He loves you with his whole heart, and ends up staying with you for the rest of the day or night until the next morning.

Mirio Togata🌻

🌻~ Mirio is like the ultimate sweetheart, so when you’re upset or if you tell him you’re crying or dealing with a lot, he’s there for you in what feels like seconds.

🌻~ He walks in with a package of your favorite snack food and one of his hoodies that you gladly accept, and as soon as he sees you his heart drops to his stomach.

🌻~ He never wants to see you hurt or upset, and honestly he probably won’t completely understand, but he will do the best he can regardless.

🌻~ He’s instantly engulfing you in a strong and safe hug, his scarred arms wrapping around your neck and the small of your back, and you can’t help but be showered with warmth as soon as you touch him.

🌻~ He’ll softly sing or hum a tune in your ear as you snuggle up to him and softly cry or rest your head against his chest.

🌻~ He’s always showing off that beautiful smile of his to you, and will do whatever he can to make you smile back.

🌻~ He carries you to bed and then repositions to where both of you laying on your side facing eachother, as he wraps his frame around yours.

🌻~ He will pet your hair and assure you that’s everything will be okay, and how he will do anything to make it better.

🌻~ Definitely the type to make you laugh almost instantly, by either telling you stupid puns or sharing even more stories of his misadventures with his quirk.

🌻~ He will gush about how beautiful and amazing you are, and how he’s so lucky to have you in his life. He will say that you inspire him to be better and get stronger so he can keep you safe and sound, and all of those are true. “You’re just so amazing s/o, and I can’t help but fall more in love with you everyday.”

Tamaki Amajiki🐙

🐙~ He completely understands, and has most likely been in the same situation at least once before in his life.

🐙~ He deals with anxiety too, so he knows how it feels and he never ever wants you to go through it too.

🐙~ So if you text or call him he’s at your door in seconds, or if you just tell him in person you’re immediately wrapped in his comforting and safe hold.

🐙~ He tells you how strong you are, and how you never cease to amaze him, he gushes about how beautiful you are and how lucky he is to have you as his s/o.

🐙~ If you cry he’ll likely tear up or cry with you, or he will just lower his voice and hold you even tighter.

🐙~ The two of you end up in a position on a couch or on a bed where you’re laying on top of him with your face buried in his neck, facing away from him as he holds you close to his chest, pressing sweet and short kisses to your cheek or head every once and a while.

🐙~ Talks about how he’ll always protect you and keep you safe while playing with your hair. “I’ll do anything to keep you safe sunshine, please never forget that.”

🐙~ He most likely will wrap you in a safe blanket burrito as he holds you, and he will tell you cute or funny stories about you and him or his adventures with the big three.

🐙~ Overall he says he understands, and assures you that he will always be there or encourages you to talk through it with him, however if you say no, he won’t push it, but instead will say that he’s always around if you ever decide that you do want to talk.

🐙~ The two of you end up falling asleep on top of eachother, with Tamaki’s hands on your head and waist, and your arms on his chest or neck.

Nejire Hado💎

💎~ She is such a sweetheart, and despite her seemingly constant bubbly nature, she can still relate if you’re going through anxiety or if you’re overwhelmed by something.

💎~ She’s by your side in an instant, and immediately engulfs you in a comforting hug.

💎~ If you are smaller than her she’ll just cuddle you as you sit in her lap or rest your head on her chest and entangle your legs with hers. If you’re taller than her then she’ll just curl up in your lap like a little kitten and wrap her arms around your neck.

💎~ She offers to go get your favorite snacks or drinks, and if you decline she’s okay with that, and if you agree, then she’s all for it and she’s back in flash.

💎~ She’ll hold you and run her fingers through your hair, and if you’re crying she’ll dry your tears, tell you how beautiful you are, and then flash you that shining smile of hers.

💎~ Asks you to close your eyes and focus on her voice as she tries to calm you down the best the can while she holds you and rocks you back in forth in her arms. “Don’t worry s/o, everything will be okay just wait and see!”

💎~ She will massage your back, neck, or your shoulders to keep the tension away.

💎~ She will try to make you laugh by telling ridiculous stories about her adventures with Tamaki and Mirio, which of course always seem to make you laugh.

💎~ She just gushes about how amazing and beautiful you are to her, and that she will always help and be there for you when you need it.

💎~ If you end up falling asleep she’ll just smile and move you to a more comfortable sleeping position, or she’ll carry you to bed and snuggle up to you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as she plays with your hair.

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ranboo5 · 3 years

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first, what if, before the beginning for the writing ask meme - simplepotatofarmer

FIRST — the first two sentences of my current project “What are they looking for?” Niki asks.

The crew of the Syndicate is sitting on the rooftop, mostly concealed, observing the port as the ship crawls with sundry authorities.

WHAT IF — i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently [for context: this is ESMP Pogtopia arc. Italics r context; when it unitalicizes is the divergence point]

What Tubbo will do for his goals, for that backup plan (it has to be a backup plan, that’s what he meant). Ranboo gets it, is all, but something preys at him, the way that it promises to poison the world around for *years,* the way that in a second it does more destruction than he sees done himself in years. It *is* sick, he supposes. It’s sick in more ways than one. It’s sick already. Tubbo’s voice all light like the breeze that carries radioactive ash for miles, the lines that spell doom in a language Ranboo doesn’t know – it sticks in his brain like everything he doesn’t want there, and Tubbo is right.

He doesn’t want to. He really, really doesn't want to. It is so much easier not to write it down, and not to think about it, like it is for everything, and–

He doesn't hold spite, he can't, not for Tubbo. Not really. But dammit, it's– it's just writing it down. It doesn't mean anything. He'll forget either way.

But he has the reminder, now. Tucked away on the same page all the others are. A page that can be dismissed anytime, of course, because it's not important, and because it can't be, because none of them would, but a page that's spawned caution enough already to make it blast protection he's written into the netherite – convenient, honestly – and a page on which he has to write small to fit the entry.

Ranboo tucks the book away as soon as he can, and double checks his rocket launcher.

BEFORE THE BEGINNING — three sentences (or more) about something that happened before the plot of my current project [I'm going to cheat on this one and use an excerpt the snippet that I wrote that I'm expanding on as part of the project I used for the first one of these lmao]

"Those boxes have some very... delicate things," says the vividly auburn-haired woman with burn-scarred hands.

The porcine man nods. "Y'know. Blackmail--"

The cloaked blond next to them wheezes with laughter.

"No, no blackmail!" says the woman.

"No blackmail," backtracks the larger man.

"Just... delicate things," says the woman carefully. "Very delicate. Like... glass unicorns!"

"Oh, yeah," says the man, clearly jumping on the idea. "Very-- very delicate glass unicorns, and, y'know, we can't let just anybody han-dle it, ya know? Like, ya know how shipping gets these days, it's-- you gotta have the qualifications--"

"Mmhmm," says the woman, nodding.

"We have to investigate it. It's not an option. The port is in a state of emergency right now."

The blond man blinks, smile sliding slightly off his face. "A state of emergency?"

"Yes," says the guard. He takes a poster out of his jacket pocket and hands it to him. "There's a political fugitive on the loose. He's potentially dangerous. The neighboring kingdom has put out this warning."

The blond unfolds the poster, looks closely at the person on it, and then, after a second, scoffs. He passes it to the others. "Look at this fucker."

"Looks like a loser," comments the larger man. "I could probably take 'im. Look at those arms." He shows it to the woman.

"Pshhhhhhh," she says.

"What, you think he's-- stowin' away, or somethin'?"

#I am not going to post any more of that snippet because literally the next line throws into sharp relief that this fic #is incredibly adn untowardly mean

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aliferous-ly · 4 years

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I've never really asked for a drabble before... If it's okay with you, could you do 7 "I almost lost you" and 32 "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified" with Logan and Deceit? I just kinda thought that it had the potential to make some angst with a happy ending. Oh and I only found you recently, but I love the writing that I've seen so far. I always love finding amazing writers. (I'm sorry, I'm a total suck up)

im gonna start this with if you’re on mobile, i am So Sorry

i started this and was like “ha im getting a little carried away” and then went “oh no”

and thank u dear!! that’s v sweet of u awe

summary: Declan is a loud and proud aromantic. Then he realizes why he feels weird, and off, and awkward around his best friend, Logan, and his world starts to crumble.

warnings: f word twice, lying, parent being imprisoned, angst, questioning identity, if there’s anything else lmk!!

It starts, Declan thinks, when Logan smiles.

The situation starts out innocuous -- they’re sitting in Logan’s room, Declan tossing a tennis ball up and catching it unsuccessfully, making a right disaster of Logan’s room with all the objects he keeps knocking to the floor. Logan, naturally, continues doing his homework.

And they’re just -- talking.

Declan likes to think his world should shift on a more momentous occasion, maybe with fireworks, fingers brushing against one another dramatically, Jason Mraz playing in the background.

But it’s the smallest thing. Declan throws the tennis ball up in the middle of his sentence -- “You can’t tell me you hate white pines, they have the softest needles” -- and he misses it on the way down.

So he takes a tennis ball to the face and sits up, sputtering, rubbing at his nose, arm reaching out to snatch it before it rolls too far.

Logan chokes out a laugh, eyes squinty and wrinkled at the edges. His laugh fills the room for a few thrilling moments and Declan thinks it’s the most beautiful sound in the world and he can’t stop staring at Logan’s engaging face, in the upturn of his lips and dimples carved in his cheeks.

He’s radiant.

Declan’s heart squeezes, lungs filling with something heavier than air, a foreign feeling washing through his veins. Like rose petals or sunlight. Woodsmoke or freshly fallen snow.

The gears in his chest shift and settle and he feels… right. More right than he’s ever been.

Which is, of course, why fear swiftly follows this gorgeous wash of emotions, because this is unusual and anything unusual is often bad.

Declan forces down the incoming wave of anxiety, schooling his expression into one of smooth disdain.

Just in time, too, because Logan opens his mouth and says, “It was only a matter of time until you paid for your crimes.”

“I’m too pretty to die,” Declan replies, thanking the heavens that while his brain may be steadily turning into mush (have Logan’s eyes always been that striking? Or his shoulders that broad?) his tongue still works.

“Implying Death themself has a type, intriguing,” Logan says. He flashes a look over his computer, the after effects of joy still written on his features. “Bold of you to declare what Death likes.”

Declan tries for a smirk but can feel the way his mouth turns to genuine grin, the traitor. “Aw, Logie, are you saying I’m not everyone’s type?”

“That would be rather ironic, wouldn’t it?” Logan says wryly. He types away at his computer, dutiously finishing an English assignment that Declan is currently ignoring for bigger and better things. “The aromantic everyone pines over.”

That strikes an odd chord in Declan’s chest, like he’s a half-tone off; not quite wrong, but not quite right, either. His expression must change, because Logan pauses in his typing. He blinks at Declan. “Something wrong?”

Of course, that’s when Declan’s brain decides that those words are simply too much, too much, his shoulders tightening, back tensing. It’s like his rib cage is squeezing his vital organs, which seems rather counterintuitive. He hates this unknown, this awkward buzz against his skin, the prickling feeling through his bones.

The resounding crash of everything happening all at once is overwhelming and Declan can’t seem to decide whether to sit as still as humanly possible or bolt.

Or, of course, do what he does best.

Lie.

“I forgot to do something for my mom,” Declan says, barely registering the words before they fall from his lips. He hasn’t lied to Logan in a very, very long time (he knows it’s because they have been best friends for ages, but his mind twists it into something of a foreshadow, even though it’s not, it’s not) and the resurgence of his bad habits leaves a nasty taste in his mouth, but. Desperate times. Desperate measures.

“Oh,” Logan says, disappointed, and Declan longs to explain -- what?

He angrily shoves the emotions deep into his chest. If he can’t explain them, he’s not going to give them the right of control over his actions.

(He ignores the prevalent fact that he has just lied to his best friend in order to escape his presence, but denial, evidently, is not just a river in Egypt).

“Sorry,” Declan spits out, meaning so much more than it seems. He stands, grabs his backpack, shoving papers and folders into it haphazardly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Logan calls out hollowly. Declan takes that as his leave and he slips out Logan’s bedroom door, backpack in tow, keys clicking in his pocket.

Something deep inside him aches. But he doesn’t know why.

Frustrated, Declan gets into his car and slams the door shut, fingers white-knuckled against the steering wheel. He takes a breath. He’s fine, he’s fine. He’s probably just sick, or something.

Or something.

Not for the first time, Declan longs for a working aux connection.

Because flicking through radio stations does not help.

Lewis Capaldi croons Someone you loved on one, Sam Smith singing Dancing with a Stranger. He woefully flips through two channels on commercial break, groaning when the last one has Adele, which, really?

He remembers Virgil’s favorite station, and turns up the volume to forty, My Chemical Romance’s Mama screaming from his speakers. He pulls into his driveway with Hallelujah by Panic! at the Disco blowing his ears out when he remembers that Logan once spent hours rambling about Brenden Urie and a conspiracy about curses and he slams his palms on his steering wheel, furious.

Can he not escape Logan for a moment?

As Declan slams the car door shut, throwing his backpack over his shoulders, and freezes at the sight of the stupid Beware, dog sign that Logan had vandelized to read Beware, snake, he realizes that no, he really can’t. Because Logan is his best friend, his favorite person, and his life is irreversibly intertwined with Logan unless he up and leaves with absolutely nothing, starting from scratch. Which would be worse than death.

He trudges up the stairs like a funeral dirge and when his door shuts with a click he leans against it, steadily sliding down until his knees almost touch his chin.

“Fuck,” Declan says out loud, unable to keep the emotion termoil inside like it should be.

His phone buzzes where it fell from his hands, angry against the carpet. Declan sighs. Rubs a hand down his face. And picks up the phone.

There’s one text from Logan that reads, “are you okay? I’m not irritated but you left rather…”

Well. The beginning reads as such. Declan assumes there’s more, but he’s unwilling to open it for the time being.

Then he has three from Virgil, two of which reference an obscure meme video and the third which reads “r u home i wanna play dark souls on ur ps4”.

And there’s a text from Patton asking if he wants normal chocolate chips or mint ones, and a followup that proclaims “never mind i got both! :3c”.

He sends a quick “no” back to Virgil and merely opens the texts from Patton, leaving only Logan’s unopened. I’m not irritated but you left rather… suddenly?

A strange emotion flutters about Declan’s chest and he groans. He doesn’t feel this way about his other friends, not even Virgil, who he’s known for ages and has gone through four too many devastating arguments to not be close with. Nor does he feel like this with Patton, his brother. Those bonds are, he’s certain, platonic--

Declan lurches forwards with a gasp, the realization bowling him over and leaving him breathless. He curls his fingers into the carpet, focusing on the texture instead of the immediate swirl of panic.

He -- does he have a crush on Logan? Him, Declan, the aromantic king, who once boasted the world could never produce a human Declan could fall in love with?

And it doesn’t track with him falling for Logan either because Declan would have loved him months earlier, suddenly falling in love with someone he’s loved platonically… it just doesn’t make sense. Declan can’t wrap his mind around it.

Maybe he’s just reading the emotions wrong. How can he -- what can he do that -- which --

What would Logan do?

An experiment, Declan’s mind supplies helpfully, so, well. Declan pressed his back against the wood of his door and thinks.

Hypothesis: he’s in love with Logan.

In love? A very rational part of his brain yells. You were talking about a crush before!

So Declan thinks, and revises. Hypothesis: he’s feeling romantic attraction to Logan.

Then he takes a few minutes trying to remember the following step in the scientific method and ends up looking it up on his phone, and it’s really long so he’s just going to cut some corners.

Procedure:

Well, Declan can’t think of any way to do this physically without making an entire fool of himself, so he changes the experiment into a thought experiment.

Procedure: Consider emotions of other relationships and compare to feelings for Logan.

Okay. Declan settles. He considers. He tries to imagine holding hands with Virgil and giving him flowers, but he can’t really picture giving Logan flowers either, so if it’s weird for both -- but he wants to hold Logan’s hand, not Virgil’s, and sometimes Patton’s, and Patton is his brother, he knows for sure his emotions are strictly platonic. So if Patton is the control group, the certainty of platonic emotions, Virgil is the one with normal emotions, and Logan has some weird emotions, so if Virgil and Logan’s are merely two different shades of friendship then Declan will know.

Declan closes his eyes and imagines kissing Logan, because that’s what romantic partners do, right? He imagines stepping closer to him until there’s inches of space between them.. Declan thinks about leaning in, brushing lips before pressing in, heat curling in his chest and oh god, oh god Declan’s face is on fire.

His eyes shoot open and he can only imagine how panicked he must look right now. He presses his hand against his chest, taking deep breaths. Then, reluctantly, he thinks about kissing Virgil -- nope, nope, eugh he physically shakes his head, gut rolling uncomfortably.

So that is a big contender for Declan has romantic feelings for Logan.

He sighs and clunks his head against the door. This sucks. Declan hates feelings.

The door downstairs sounds, opening and closing, followed by a resounding, “HEY, CICI, LOVE YOU!”

Dee sighs, a smile flickering across his face. He pushes to his feet and exits his room, wandering downstairs, aloof.

“Hey Pat,” he says, leaning against a wall.

“Ci, I’m making lots of cookies!” Patton declares, beaming at him, and Declan’s heart drops.

His expression must, too, because Patton’s features are suddenly painted in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I should be asking you that,” Declan says, and he feels bad, unexpectedly, for not replying to Patton’s text earlier. “Lots of cookies? With mint and chocolate chips? Enough to feed an army?”

Patton’s arms wilt and Declan reads the tremor in his shoulders, the glisten of his eyes. Patton tries for a smile and misses by a mile.

Declan crosses to where Patton stands in five steps, wrapping his arms around his smaller brother, pressing his cheek against Patton’s head. “What’s wrong?”

Patton takes a shuddering breath, returning the hug. “Nothing, really. I’m glad you’re home.”

“Ah,” Declan says. He tightens his grip on Patton. “Do you want help?”

“No.” Patton presses his face into Declan’s chest. He’s shaking, ever so slightly. “Can you talk with me at the counter, though?”

“Of course,” Declan agrees, mentally side-tabling his emotional turmoil.

“Okay,” Patton says. He’s quiet for a few more moments, then says, “And Steven Universe later?”

“Anything,” Declan says. He makes a face. The word had slipped out unbidden, but Patton doesn’t tease him for it.

“Alright.” Patton pulls away, takes a breath. “I’m about to make the best damn cookies the world has ever seen.”

“Damn straight,” Declan says, grinning. Patton pauses for just one moment more before moving to the kitchen, dropping various ingredients onto the counter and moving smoothly to gather more.

Declan wonders at his influence on Patton’s vulgar mouth, then shrugs. Patton’s a teenager. He can do what he wants.

“Weren’t you hanging out with Logan?” Patton asks conversationally. He’s pulling down bowls and sugar, obviously expecting easy small talk. And normally Logan is easy for Declan to talk about. He talks about him all the time.

So when Declan winces, Patton turns and addresses him with full attention, brows furrowed. “What? What happened?”

“I…” Declan considers for a moment to just lie about it but dismisses the thought. This is Patton. “I think I have a romantic attraction for him.”

Saying it out loud only cements the certainty in Declan’s chest. No, he hasn’t quite completed the experiment, but he just… knows.

The knowledge is both relieves and spikes his anxiety about the whole situation.

“Oh,” Patton says, eyes wide. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” Declan says honestly.

“Alright,” Patton says. He turns back around and a wave of affection flows through Declan. “How did Roman do on his audition?”

Declan hums, eternally grateful for Patton’s ability to turn the conversation away. They talk about Roman’s skill as an actor for a few minutes, jumping to Patton’s involvement in VEX robotics (focusing on the robotics instead of the people) and they kill about forty minutes with Patton talking about his baby bot, Pat Jr.

When the clock strikes seven, Declan throws together two grilled cheese sandwiches and they eat in front of Steven Universe and the gems, Declan stretched out along the couch and Patton creating a throne of blankets for himself.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Patton murmurs, eyes never straying from the bursts of pastel on the screen, “but if you do have a romantic attraction to Logan it’s okay. You weren’t wrong in saying you’re aromantic. Because that fits you, you like it. There’s just more strings attached than you originally thought.”

Declan blinks, the smallest smile growing on his face. “Thanks, Pat.”

Patton hugs a pillow, eyes bright. “Love you, Ci.”

Declan pushes his foot against Patton’s blanket pile in response.

“Do you think we have to move?” Patton says, three hours into their movie night.

Declan breathes, slowly inhaling as if it gives him an excuse to not reply. “I didn’t. I don’t want to. But probably.”

“That’s why you haven’t told anyone,” Patton says. He shifts, turning to look at Declan. Declan maintains eye contact with the screen, despite having seen this movie countless times. “And why you told me to keep it under wraps.”

“Yes,” Declan says, because really, he lies to the world, but he doesn’t lie to Patton.

He tries not to lie to Patton.

“But something changed yesterday.” Patton’s not asking questions. Somehow, he just knows, despite being left out of the loop. “And you were going to tell Logan today.”

“Yes,” Declan says. Static thrums through his veins. Aladdin ignores a buzzing genie on screen, swatting him away to benefit his own desires.

“What happened?”

“Mom’s not getting out,” Declan says simply, because that’s it, really. Their mother is not getting out of jail. And with no father, their final hope is their uncle, three states over. Their father’s brother.

Two months away from eighteen, and Declan is forced to concede.

“When?” Patton asks. He’s trembling, but he’s not crying. Declan knows that will come later.

“Because of the legal mixups and leaning on Sasha, two weeks, probably,” Declan says. Sasha is, of course, their next door neighbor, the crazy cat lady of the street who “watches” the boys “all the time”.

“Two weeks,” Patton whispers. There’s a sheen in his eyes. Declan tries not to look but his gaze is like a magnet and Patton stares, stares, stares. “That’s not enough time. That’s not…”

Declan closes his eyes.

He really thought he would win.

He thought he could win.

They only had to last two more months. His deadbeat mom had to last two months and they couldn’t even keep the legal proceedings--

He takes a breath. “Uncle Thomas is nice, at least.”

“I don’t want uncle Thomas,” Patton snaps.

“Well we don’t have a choice, Pat,” Declan bites out, stomach rolling at the words, eyes snapping open.

Patton recoils, hurt flickering behind his eyes, but Declan knows it’s not enough to overpower the fire roaring in Patton’s lungs. “We did, we could have put more savings into mom’s defense, we could have found a place to live before it was our last resort but now we have to tell all our friends that we’re moving hundreds of miles away in two weeks!”

“Mom doesn’t deserve to get out,” Declan spits.

“I don’t CARE.” Patton’s fingers are clenched in fists. He stands. “I don’t care if mom deserves it or not. We deserve to stay.”

“The world doesn’t work like that,” Declan says.

Patton opens his mouth and snaps it shut, obviously restraining himself. A thousand emotions swim behind his eyes. Declan hates every single moment but he doesn’t say a word.

He leaves.

He leaves Declan sitting alone on the couch, watching Patton’s favorite movie. A door slams shut and Declan exhales heavily. They don’t get into fights, it’s just not -- Patton’s normally too upbeat to bother, Patton hates being angry, Declan normally doesn’t -- there’s nothing to get angry about, not in the grand scheme of things. They share easily, they have chaotic conversations, they…

They’re fighting.

Declan buries his head in his hands. He was too hopeful, too caught up on the possibility of the future to notice the sinkhole of reality.

He really thought -- things would work out, Patton has his lucky charm of a personality and Declan works, he works hard, so things should -- Declan’s a senior in high school, halfway through the first semester, he should be worried about grades and school dances and friends and crushes and --

Logan.

Declan curls, releasing something like a sob or maybe a dry heave. Whether or not he’s in love with Logan (most signs point to yes but there’s no way Declan’s addressing that) he still loves Logan, he loves being with him and talking to him and ordering his ice cream before Logan gets there to see the surprised and fond expression cross his face.

Two weeks?

To say goodbye to his best friend?

Before moving, before picking up his entire life and his family (just -- Patton. Just Patton) and going somewhere Else?

Declan doesn’t feel like an adult.

He doesn’t want to be an adult, either.

Even if the world is asking him to be one.

“You’re acting strange,” Logan observes.

Declan shrugs. “I’m always strange.” He takes advantage of shoving fries in his face to avoid expounding.

Logan sighs and puts down his burger. “Declan. Something’s going on.”

Several somethings are going on, actually, but thanks. Declan shrugs again. “Haven’t been getting much sleep.” Which is a true statement. He’s written about ten different ways to tell Logan he’s leaving, nine of which are ripped up in the trash, one of which Declan just burned because he doesn’t want even scraps of that disaster to exist.

Five days to go and Declan still hasn’t told him. Five days. They don’t have many classes together, otherwise Logan would have pieced together the weird treatment from the teachers. Declan wonders if just disappearing into the void is an alright way to go, but a little Patton in his head chastises him for even considering it.

Then again, at this rate…

“Hm,” Logan says. He has a thoughtful look on his face that’s absolutely devastating to Declan’s heart and general health and coherence of thought, let alone considering what’s about to come out of his mouth. “Is there a reason?”

Declan considers, eyes narrowing as he stares at nothing. “I neglect to answer that question.”

“So yes,” Logan says. The words fall from his lips with crushing sorrow. He takes a breath. “Why aren’t you telling me?”

“Telling you what?” Declan says, internally wincing at the hurt flickering through Logan’s eyes.

“Okay,” Logan says instead. He turns back to his food.

They eat the rest of the meal in silence.

Declan watches absentmindedly as Logan attempts to make a tower out of pens and pencils. With the addition of Roman’s copious amounts of colored pens, the tower is quite impressive.

Two days.

(Two Days).

Declan’s all packed. Sorta. Not really. He’s going to skip some classes in the future and pack all at once, throwing everything into the boxes (the empty boxes lining his room), not caring if anything breaks.

He…

He hasn’t told Logan yet.

Or anyone, really, but Logan’s the one that -- the one that matters the most.

Logan did, however, ask him if he was okay three times before leaving him be, because Logan knows that Declan becomes testy if asked the same question consistently.

So basically, as far as Declan can figure, Declan’s a tool. Logan is trying, and Declan is giving him jack shit to work with.

Patton has told all his friends, which means it’s only a matter of time before Logan finds out, right? Patton’s a sophomore, they’re seniors, and the school is large, but it’s also not as big as it seems.

Roman, sitting next to him, hums under his breath as he types. He’s editing his college essay, which Declan would be doing if he had a college essay to edit and also cared enough. The atmosphere is strikingly calm, which leads to an anxious buzzing under Declan’s skin.

Tell him. Just tell him. Just open your mouth and tell him. You’re in a library, he can’t get loud and yell.

Declan wonders if yelling would be better, actually, than wide eyed stares and wounded expressions.

He’s contemplating the merits of writing a letter (absolutely not, he doesn’t know why he’s even considering it) when he spots Patton out of the corner of his eye.

Patton in and of himself does not scare Declan.

The fact that he’s bee-lining for Declan and his friends does make him a bit nervous, though.

“Cici,” Patton hisses. The cutesy play on Declan’s middle name sounds odd in such a harsh tone of voice. He glances at Logan before staring at Declan.

Declan’s starkly aware of Roman and Logan’s attention when he says, “yeah?”

“You told them?” Patton says, and Declan--

Well.

A combination of fear and fury and regret zip through his veins at warp speed.

But Declan’s well trained in the art of deception.

He schools his expression into one of cool indifference. “That I’m taking you for ice cream? Nah. I didn’t think they’d care. You wanna go right now?”

Roman huffs a laugh, turning his attention back to his computer. Logan doesn’t look away, though, hand resting on a bright yellow flair pen.

Patton’s brow furrows. “I mean the--”

“Man, if you were that impatient you could’ve texted me,” Declan interrupts with a long, drawn-out sigh. He stands, swinging his backpack over his shoulders. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Get me some ice cream next time,” Roman says, grinning. His gaze doesn’t leave his screen. “Bye, loser.”

“Bye,” Logan echoes.

Something registers in Declan’s brain-dead skull that Logan sounds lifeless because his best friend has been distant (Declan. Declan is Logan’s best friend).

Declan pauses, sighs. Patton looks outraged and about two seconds from outing Declan.

“I’m sorry,” Declan says. Logan looks up at him. “It’s not your fault. Just… I’m going through some things. You deserve to know. I shouldn’t shadow you without any info.”

Patton looks even angrier, if possible, but then Logan’s talking and Patton hates interrupting people.

“Okay,” Logan says, soft as ever. “I’ll wait for you.”

And if that doesn’t make Declan feel like the nastiest motherfucker.

“Let’s go,” Declan says, pulling Patton along before Patton lets loose.

He opens his mouth, but Declan beats him to it, whispering, “Shh, we’re in a library.”

“I cannot fucking believe you,” Patton hisses instead.

“Language.”

“You haven’t told them?” Patton exclaims. He yanks his wrist from Declan’s grip but continues following him, arms gesturing wildly. “You’re the worst.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Declan mutters.

“You better get me ice cream now,” Patton says, crossing his arms. “After making me watch that.”

“That’s fair,” Declan concedes, and then realizes he’s going to have to spent the next thirty minutes listening to Patton chastise him and --

Honestly, he deserves it, but he doesn’t want it, but before he can say anything, Patton says, “don’t even think about escaping this.”

So he’s stuck listening to Patton chastise him for the next thirty minutes until their next class starts.

But he gets a turtle sundae out of it, so it’s like, at least 20% a win.

“CICI,” Patton screams from the living room.

Declan shoots to his feet, tripping and slamming his knee into the doorframe, scrambling to reach Patton as swiftly as possible. He appears at the edge of the living room, hand pressed against the wall, chest heaving, eyes blown wide. “What? What is it?”

He assesses Patton for damage, but Patton’s standing with his phone clutched between his fingers, shaking ever so slightly but appearing physically fine. He’s staring at Declan, lip trembling.

“Patton?” Declan says.

Patton opens his mouth, tears dripping down his cheeks. He sniffs, making an angry noise in the back of his throat as he wipes at his face. “I shouldn’t tell you! I should let you suffer because you’re mean.”

“Patton,” Declan says, approaching his brother like one might a wild animal.

Patton shakes his head and Declan stops.

“I’m upset!” Patton says. Then he lets out a laugh, choked. “But I’m so relieved.”

Declan doesn’t say anything.

Patton sniffles a few more times, then peeks at Declan through his fingers. Declan tries for a smile, sheepish. Patton smiles back, watery and soft. His shoulders shake as he laughs softly, his phone pressed against his cheek. “I was so scared.”

“Me too,” Declan says.

“I’m sorry,” Patton says, the anger draining from his face and leaving a wide-eyed pile of nerves. “I didn’t mean it. You’re not mean. You’re just scared.”

“It’s okay,” Declan says. His arms hand limply by his sides. He wants to do something with them, to cross his arms or put them in his hoodie pockets or something, but he also wants to leave them available for when Patton wants a hug, so he stands awkwardly instead. “I forgive you.”

“I’ve been calling Uncle Thomas,” Patton says.

Declan’s heart does something funny in his chest.

Patton pulls his hands away from his face, rubbing his cheeks clean, staring at his phone for a few moments before his hand drops, dangling at his side. “He’s -- he said he’s coming here. His job can be done online and the stuff he can’t do online he’ll fly back for which won’t be often, he said it’s important to him that we -- have a support system throughout highschool, and he wants us to finish here before doing anything else.”

The information barely filters through Declan’s mind because when Patton exhales another sob Declan steps forward and envelops him in his arms on instinct. Patton’s legs go weak. Declan sinks to the ground, Patton pressing his face into Declan’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Patton mumbles. “I don’t know why I’m crying. This is good. This is good.”

“Sometimes emotions have a funny way of showing,” Declan says. He runs his fingers through Patton’s hair, untangling the curls. “You’ve been stressed. It’s okay.”

“Why aren’t you crying?” Patton says. He taps his palm against Declan’s chest, reminiscent of a smack without any of the power. “It’s not fair.”

Declan laughs, sort of. “I might later. I don’t know. Emotions are weird.”

“You never told your friends you were moving,” Patton says. “Will they ever find out?”

“Probably,” Declan says. He squeezes Patton. “I know you told your friends. It’s better your way. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.”

“Mm.”

Declan can feel the rise and fall of Patton’s chest. It slows as Patton calms down. “We don’t have to move,” Patton murmurs.

“We don’t have to move,” Declan agrees, and Patton presses even closer.

Declan doesn’t know how he finds his way to the beach but at one point he’s baking Patton cookies and the next he’s sitting on a slab of concrete overlooking the pitch dark waves. He knows Patton is sleeping, or is at least pretending to sleep. He vaguely remembers writing a note in case Patton looks for him.

It’s been three days since Patton discovered Uncle Thomas’s moving plans. Discovered? Convinced? Declan isn’t sure.

And he doesn’t really know how to react. He’s been moving on autopilot, making dinner, doing homework, putting in minimal effort into his friendships so they don’t abandon him on the side of the road --

No. Declan shakes his head. Putting minimal effort into his friendships because his friends don’t deserve to be cut off without a word.

Nothing feels right.

(Something is off).

He hears footsteps and before he can whip around, before fear has the chance to truly take over his body, he hears, “this seat taken?”

“No,” Declan says, and Logan sits next to him on the concrete. They’re quiet for a few moments, watching the reflection of the moon, tasting salt on their tongues.

“Will you tell me what’s going on?” Logan says finally.

Declan closes his eyes, breathes. His emotions are all tangled up in his chest and he doesn’t want to tap into it for fear that if he lets out a little he’ll let out everything.

But Logan deserves to know.

(He deserves someone better.)

“My mom lost,” Declan says, which sounds nicer than it did in his head. “She’s unfit to care for us, anyway, but now she’s officially calling prison her new home.”

Logan’s quiet. Declan listens to his breathing. He spies Logan’s hand against the concrete and longs to close the distance and entangle their fingers, just for a modicum of physical comfort. The slightest hint of warmth permeates the air around Logan and Declan wants to lean closer, to press their arms together.

“My Uncle, on my dad’s side, is taking care of us. He… wasn’t originally going to move here, but Patton talked to him and he decided moving here is the best course of action.” Declan shifts. He doesn’t know how to say it. He doesn’t know how to explain.

Logan stops breathing.

“I almost lost you,” he says, and it’s barely a whisper.

Declan glances at him and can barely comprehend the amount of horror shining in Logan’s eyes. Logan’s staring at him, expression open and terrified. “I almost…” He exhales, shaking. Declan watches him so closely he can see the sticking of his chest as he breathes, the tremor of his shoulders.

Declan’s heart stutters and he wants to tear his gaze away but he owes, he owes Logan this. Even though the only thing he wants to do is run away, to preserve himself. “I -- I never told you,” Declan says, more scared than he has been in a long time. He opens his mouth and stops, shrinking away. He looks over Logan’s shoulder, unable to maintain eye contact. “We were supposed to leave two days ago. I was going to tell you and then…”

Then I found out that I’m in love with you, and it freaked me out so much I closed myself off.

Logan’s truly shaking, and Declan doesn’t know what to do. You caused this. This is your fault.

“Ugh! I’m sorry,” Declan exclaims. He can’t stand this, these tentative moments, fragile as glass. He wants to take a hammer to the whole affair. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not much but I was scared, and it’s not a valid excuse, but I was terrified, Logan, I couldn’t leave you! You mean too much to me!”

“You mean a lot to me too,” Logan says, but Declan’s on a roll, now, there’s no stopping the hurricane in his heart.

He moves his gaze to the waves, finding solace and energy in the constancy. “I was going to tell you when we were hanging out a few weeks ago in your room, and then I freaked out because -- and then I left, and haven’t been able to figure out how to word it since, and Patton’s better than I am, he told his friends almost immediately, imagine, having worse emotional competency than a fifteen year old--”

“Roman found out,” Logan says, grinding Declan’s tangent to a halt. “He mentioned something to me but I needed to hear it from you.”

Declan stares at him.

“I asked Patton if you were at home,” Logan explains. Declan can barely tell in the shadows, but Logan’s face seems to darken. “When he said no, I knew there was one other place you would go. Probably.”

Declan worries his lip. He’s that predictable?

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Logan asks, quiet.

“Because…” Liquid anxiety slogs through his veins. His voice drops, quiet, quieter than the sound of waves. “Because I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.”

For a second all he can hear is the crash of the sea and his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He doesn’t know why the moon isn’t falling from the sky, why the stars haven’t combusted, because his world feels like it’s falling apart at the seams.

“I discovered that,” Declan continues, the words slipping between his lips before his mind has any say in the matter, “and didn’t know what to do, and then I needed to tell you I was leaving, and I love you, and I couldn’t. Because I’m a coward.”

Another beat. Declan takes a long breath. “I still love you. And I’m no longer leaving.”

“I suppose… now would be a bad time to bring up demiromanticism?” Logan tries.

“It would be a terrible time, but thank you,” Declan says, and he can’t help the small puff of laughter that escapes.

“I love you too,” Logan says, then, and Declan can’t breathe.

He turns to Logan without thinking, searching his sapphire blue eyes for deception even though Logan has never, ever lied to him. He can’t hope, he can’t dare to hope, the world would never give him two miracles. “Don’t trick me.”

“I’m in love with you,” Logan clarifies, nervous. His hands are wringing together and he’s biting his lip.

Declan reaches out, fingers trembling, to brush against Logan’s cheek. “You…”

“I’ve been in love with you,” Logan says. He’s looking down, away from Declan’s gaze, but he leans into his touch. “For awhile. I never wanted to bring it up because… you were so adamant about being separate from romance…”

“I thought I was,” Declan says honestly. “Which is why this is a real fucking trip, let me tell you.”

Logan laughs, and some of the tension in the air dissolves. “I can imagine.”

“God, I love you,” Declan says. He brushes his thumb underneath Logan’s eye.

“I love you too,” Logan says, eyes wide and sparkling, then he moves forward and cradles Declan’s head in his hands and Declan short circuits because he’s right there he’s RIGHT THERE and he’s touching him he loves him he loves him--

“You’re gorgeous,” Logan says, and Declan just stares at him dumbly because his mouth stops working. His heart is barely going, the only reason he’s not dead is because his body has some sort of instinctive survival instinct, or something.

Emotion clog his throat and Declan doesn’t know how he’s not sobbing already so he’s unsurprised when the smallest tear slips out of his eye.

“Oh,” Logan says, wiping the tear away. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s -- it’s not -- it’s not you,” Declan chokes out. “God. This is so embarrassing.”

“I don’t care,” Logan says. He leans closer, pressing their foreheads together and staring into Declan’s eyes. “It’s okay to cry.”

Declan smiles thinly, blinking away tears. “I don’t deserve you.”

Logan stares at him, brows furrowing. “What?”

“You’re so beautiful,” Declan says. His trembling hands hold Logan’s jaw. “And you’re so smart and passionate, and you have the most wicked sense of humor, and you’re my best friend.”

“No,” Logan shakes his head. “I mean, I am your best friend, but there’s no deserve in a relationship. We’re just people. People make mistakes. I make mistakes. Please don’t sell yourself short.”

Declan wants to say that only proves how good Logan truly is, but he settles for a simple, “Okay.”

Logan brushes hair out of Declan’s eyes, then sighs, dropping his head to Declan’s shoulder. Declan’s hands slide down to Logan’s upper back.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Declan says.

“I’m glad you’re here too,” Logan replies, muffled. He pulls away for a split second, eyes blurry and a crease already showing from his glasses pressing into his skin. “But if you withhold life-altering information like that from me again there will be issues.”

“I won’t,” Declan says. He swallows. He hates promises. He hates them, because he never feels like he can maintain them. “I’ll… I’ll try my hardest.”

Logan searches his gaze, nods, and then presses fully into Declan.

“Woah, okay.” Declan shifts as Logan clings to him like a koala bear. Logan’s basically in his lap and Declan, well. Declan has no complaints.

“I can do this as much as I want because we’re in love with each other,” Logan mutters, and wow, if that doesn’t send a thousand vibrations across his skin. In love with each other.

Declan grins. He likes the sound of that.

“You know,” Logan says conversationally. His fingers trail up to press against Declan’s face, outlining his lips. “I love it when you smile.”

Declan hums, his smile broadening. Me too, Logan.

Me too.

#im also posting this on ao3 bc this is a MONSTER #loceit #logan sanders #deceit sanders #patton sanders #brotherly moceit #god the dynamics..... so good #roman sanders #virgil sanders #well virgils mentioned hes not actually in it OOPS sorry virge love u #does the ending make sense?? i hope so #deceit: i also love it when i smile thank u logan #<-- incorrect interpretation yet i love it #did someone order some uhhhhh fluff #willowaudreykeyes

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a-flickering-soul · 3 years

Note

do kylux for the ask meme 😳 you + me = mental illness

i love you so much for sending this in this truly is the mortifying ordeal of being known

putting this under a readmore because it is LITCHERALLY 1.2k words because i am literally clawing at the walls of my enclosure about these two

ANYWAYS go ahead and send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons bc im having fun doing these!!!

Kylo Ren

Sexuality Headcanon: ambiguously queer. Don’t make me think about him having sex he makes me so angry

Gender Headcanon: he Must be a cis man. He has so much mommy issues. He is such an incel. He is so full of toxic masculinity. He must be a cis man.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux. Every single angle you take this ship from it’s funny and good. Canon—they hate each other and want each other dead. AU—they still hate each other but they’re (probably) less fascist and genocidal. It’s just so funny. They are so obsessed with each other. They gaslight each other into love confessions. It’s unreal. I’ve been thinking about Kylux for the past month and I feel like an entire geological age has passed. You can tell I’m a Kylux shipper and a R*ylo anti because I almost exclusively refer to him as Ren instead of Kylo. The gay angel went to superhell for Kylux to go canon in Lego Star Wars (twice) and a kids’ comic book. God mocks me to my face.

A BROTP I have with said character: This got literally shot to shit but post-TFA when a bunch of people headcanoned Rey as Luke’s kid and she and Ren were cousins and he reluctantly babysat her because he was literally ten years older than her (hhhhh.) and they had this weird mildly-contentious relationship as adults where they grudgingly acknowledge they are both the most powerful Force users in the galaxy and are the only ones who mutually understand the legacy they bear and care about each other but also cannot be in the same room together and hold a civil conversation for more than five minutes before resorting to uncomfortable silence. Like when you’re at a family reunion and you’re automatically shunted with the only other kid around your age so you have to make conversation but you are just so fundamentally different there’s nothing to talk about. Unreal.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hhh. R*ylo. I’m one of those evil lesbians who hate that ship viciously and one of my dreams is to be one of the mean antis that that bully a shipper in a story that’s clearly exaggerated or made up and then get cancelled for having good taste.

A random headcanon: I think he and Phasma used to spar a lot. I keep thinking about the five years he spent on the Finalizer pre-canon and I can’t reasonably justify the Knights of Ren hanging out with him for the entire time on a literal military ship and I like the idea of them being the only people that are reasonably on par physically (I also like how Phasma is an inch taller than him because....whew).

General Opinion over said character: God. He drives me wild. I have a lot of thoughts about him and how good he was in TFA and the pre-canon comics/novels as a really fucking good example of a morally-conflicted villain (especially the comics where it made it really clear that he was very much manipulated and gaslit since like…ten years old). Like! The way he could flip at will from drawing strength from both the light AND dark side of the Force is just!! So cool! The way his strength literally derives from moral conflict is just really interesting to me but….idk the way post-TFA he was thrown into a redemption (Rendemption) arc that hinged on Rey being a literal genuine fascist sympathizer made me just really disappointed. He had a lot of amazing potential to be either a really interesting semi-redeemed Byronic antihero OR a full on unhinged animalistic power-mad villain that Rey has to mercy-kill like a rabid dog. And then. Well. Yeah. I like him a lot in very specific contexts and flat out hate him in most others.

Armitage Hux

Sexuality Headcanon: gay! He is gay! I have an entire list of reasons why he’s gay and it grows daily! Without a doubt a homosexual! Gay and repressed!

Gender Headcanon: Also a cis guy even though I still do have a lot of half-formed thoughts about gender in the First Order/post-collapse of the Empire society.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux! Again! I’m obsessed with how obsessed Hux is with Ren. He hates him so much it’s unreal. I keep reading the novelizations and thinking so fucking hard about how consumed Hux is with hatred for this one man. He’s so repressed. He’s so damaged. It’s unreal. The brainworms in my head have metamorphosed into moths and they’re flapping their wings so hard they’re disintegrating my grey matter. I think near-daily about how he personally went down to retrieve Ren from the collapse of Starkiller Base and yet would not touch him to drag him to shelter in the Hux graphic novel. Would you take off your glove to check his pulse or would you attempt to feel it through the leather and touch something’s dead skin rather than his living warmth. I’m so deeply unwell.

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phasma!!! The way they are on first-name terms with each other….the way one of the few times in the graphic novels you see him smile is when Phasma comes back onto the base…..the way they plotted to kill Brendol together….truly evil mlm/wlw solidarity you simply love to see it

A NOTP I have with said character: Oof I see a lil bit of shipping him with Resistance members (I think I’ve seen him with Rose and also Poe??) and I know TROS made the decision to have him defect from the First Order (out of. again. his obsessive hatred with another man. writing choices.) but it makes me INSANELY uncomfortable seeing people of color being shipped with a literal fascist parody of British colonialism and imperialism lmao like….just ship Kylux bro they’re mutually bad people AND a power couple

A random headcanon: Frankly at this point I joke so much about how much like a sick Victorian orphan he looks like that I could write an entire fake medical file for him but I’ll spare you all and simply say that I am incredibly partial to the headcanon that Hux is a freak that bites string cheese instead of peeling it like a normal person. Also…the implications that he Personally placed the tracker in Ren’s belt rather than someone else, so that he alone could keep tabs on him…..I’m unwell. Enough.

General Opinion over said character: If Ren is a character I love to hate, Hux is a character I hate that I love. I just. I can’t stop thinking about this gay little war criminal. It truly, genuinely baffles the mind how much information there is about him. It triggers that same little part of my brain that goes wild over like. ARGs and stuff. There’s just so much lore. With every new piece of canon or semi-canon information I learn about him I can feel my grip on sanity slipping. He owns a black robe. He has a personal hitman in the First Order ranks to poison people he doesn’t like. He drinks tea. He’s a bastard son. He’s great with kids. He was in charge of a squad of feral orphan child soldiers at five years old. I just. I just don’t get it. I’m enamored with him. His compulsive attention to grooming. His hubris. His ambition. How literally unhinged he is (the “rabid cur” line genuinely lives in my head rent free). The way he systemically killed every single person who saw him weak and abused as a child. There’s just so much to talk about with him. He’s so evil. He’s so fucked up. I love him so deeply. He is such a horrible person and he is so fun to make fun of and he is so fun to think about. God wants there to be a bullet in my head so badly.

#im so unwell this is SO LONG #sam you did NOT sign up for this king im so so fucking sorry #star wars #huxposting #answered #i literally love you for sending this in im so sorry this is incoherent im in hell #tsukkimutual #kylux

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lordxgrinnyxboy · 4 years

Text

rewatching tgm, wifi being useless edition 2/?

every time i hear puppet!Dea say “when a story is raw and real” i see Mr. Gordon Ramsey memes, they just scroll across my vision and there’s nothing i can do to stop it u-u

ngl im kinda in love with Mojo Puppeteer

the foot shimmy during this scene, like right as Ursus gets up off the floor Gwyn/Mr. Maskell does this little ankle squirm. u-u

foreaaaaaaaaaarmmmmssssss

love how mr maskell doesn't emote w/his face while puppeteering but ms. brisson's just facially so into this performance and honestly so's ms. onitiri

also love all the different bits of ribbon and such puppet!Dea’s hair is made of. several different textures in there

kay but the way he makes the prince puppet kinda bounce in place as he sings “only those three words could ever free me from the curse” it just makes it look like the prince is kindof adorably excited about this

im just now realizing that one part of the puppet is supposed to be the prince’s mouth and not his chin or something.

Dea’s soft “oh” when their hands touch

foreaaaaaarmsssss

Gwynlit always looks so shook as they step back from each other after the aging up sequence like he’s full dear-in-headlights (i know it’s ‘deer’ in headlights but he is Dear to Me so)

and really so is Dea for a second there

oh god her look of alarm changes to a smile the second Gwyn starts singing. i need a minute.

i love these two so much

the harmony will never not end my life why is it so powerful

idk what they put in this song but every single time my aroace self is like “shfjshfsj play this at my wedding” and then i have to be like “wait.”

Dea’s adorable and i hope she knows how adorable she is

im cry they’re so cute they’re so cute i love these two

Quake is on it about letting ppl know entertainment’s cancelled due to the king dying Quake is ready Quake loves her job so much

oh so the barrels are just there for Dirry-Moir and Osric to have somewhere to sit while Ursus tells the story okay

wait how quick did dude just throw on his Clarence costume and climb in the coffin that was. super duper fast

he’s literally offscreen for 24 seconds and managed to

holy cats how does he do it

wait also mojo tho. mojo had to put on his priest costume

wait also Osric and Dirry-Moir had to put on their Lord attire

and they say movies are supposed to be magic

just continuing to absolutely love every character played by ms. obianyo

love how they just. have trombones. 10/10

i mean i guess the costume changes aren’t super complicated like throw on a robe and a wig but STILL within 24 seconds? i think it’s impressive

oh hey jojo-as-a-random-lord is also here

ohhhhh is that why Jojo’s costume is Like That then? to make it easier to switch characters real fast? but no actually???

the hats on the lords tho. we’ve got Fish Lord, Bunny Lord,,, maybe some kind of Bird or Chicken Lord...

so it’s a Pig’s Foot that killed Clarence and the name of the holy relic translates to like, “pig’s flower” ...thematic....dots.......

oop there’s Only a Clown

ngl i kinda love Archbishop Kupsak. a weird dude.

would love to know why Angelica thought she needed to ‘make a law’ regarding traitors being brought to justice. just curious about her thought-process. heck she could probably have her own musical.

WAIT MS OBIANYO PLAYS THE TROMBONE. SICK.

wait hey, hey. hey. petition for ms. obianyo to play a FATE.

oh god it’s my least favorite scene

skip? no...but? no u-u

jojo apologize to the trash clown

scene too stressful

genuinely have no thoughts, head completely empty

CART SCENE CART SCENE CART SCENE

is that a bowl and spoon on th-

separate post separate post gentlefolks of the jury i

jaw twitch

okay but Dea gets this Look when Gwyn asks Ursus “who did this to me” she looks a little Surprised

does not react however to “who carved me into this freak”

the hand flex as Gwyn walks away from Ursus after Ursus Won’t Let Him Talk

oh Osric you absolute delight

beauty and the beast ii destroys me every time gwyn’s just steadily wilting but trying to hold on but he can’t and Dea’s so supportive

would love to know what Ursus’ take on all this would’ve been if he hadn’t been involved. like would he still be hell-bent on not letting Gwyn remember or would he have been more chill about letting Gwyn make that decision for himself

like on the one hand i can see why Ursus would think that maybe Gwyn would be better off not remembering, but also making him forget clearly didn’t actually help him suffer any less, it just gave him a different kind of suffering. He’s wrung-out tormented and Ursus can’t/won’t help him because of the potential repercussions of Gwyn learning the truth. which do include some Worst Timeline options for how that could go but. also include a few Gwyn’s Able To Move On And Live Well, With Or Without Ursus options so.

idk i just feel like after a certain point of seeing how Gwyn’s basically falling apart over all this Ursus really should’ve considered having that difficult Discussion bc that boy was Not getting better on Ursus’ Plan A

also the whole dismissively invalidating ur kid’s struggle is not a good look Ursus

i love him and absolutely believe he is definitely Trying His Best but he’s #Problematic_Dad for sure

that bit where Ursus notices Josiana as if for the first time and does that little bow to her oh my goodness XD

also him just trying so hard to keep it together in the lead-up to Born Broken. debating whether Ursus sticking his head through the curtain is the funniest part of this show. probably not but it’s real close

Dea’s so pretty and i love her outfit u-u

and her blue makeup

and her lovely lovely eyes like wow she’s Perfect

this girl is in her element and im fully convinced that in the version of events where Gwyn and Dea stay on as Lord and Lady Dea does some addressing of parliament or whatever, has speaking engagements, she’s all kinds of involved.

there’s tears in Ursus’ eyes during this bit and i don’t agree w/him but i do feel bad for him. he does want to do right by these kids but he’s just...it’s not working out for him because he can’t have it both ways.

i mean genuinely tho Ursus is so desperate to forget/bury/escape/move on from the past but in adopting Gwyn and trying to be a family and a fresh start for him...that shut down any chance of that actually happening.

no but fr Ursus’ face when Dea says “it doesn’t keep us safe, Father, it turns us against you” which is like. probably the exact thing he’s afraid of happening if they ever learn the truth.

*strums lyre* it’s a sad tale, it’s a tragedy!

Musical Ursus is fully a good dude who did one Stupid Thing and spent the rest of his life trying to control the damage only to make it Worse and then he died and i’m so! 😭

at the end of the second 30minutes but im keep going

Dea and Gwyn are holding hands so intently im feeling feelings about

harmonyyyyyyyy

ngl though i wonder if given Ursus’ “dear god, you pick your moments” and “who did what to you” if maybe this is something that’s just been festering and hasn’t been verbally brought up until the show’s events

“What do you want?! BLOOD?!” i mean u did script him as saying he wants to kill a man

“I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know” i mean technically that’s true bc technically Gwyn does know, he just doesn’t remember, which is pretty much the same as not knowing but ayyyyyyyyyy

would love to know what Ursus thought was coming when Gwyn said “I can only tell them what I know I am” like

wait no but “I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know” being followed by “I can only tell them what I know I am” idk how to say but oh heck oh heck oh heck heck oh no.

but yeah Ursus’ little glances at Gwyn and then the Turn as Gwyn starts to sing. i just wonder what Ursus is thinking just then

ohhhhhhhhh wait a minute now. stars stripped from the sky. the play on the lyrics from within Ursus’ show. the conversation they just had. is Freak Show (partially?) a vaguepost at Ursus 👀

no but the Wiggle before that next to last “watch me smile” tho

needs the backbend 🍹

hello Puppet Helmet Thing. i’ve developed a fondness for you, you unexplained and kind of weird yet near-infinitely interpretable element of the show.

and cutting here for length uwu

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wongiemei · 5 years

Text

Roommate!Jeno

a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one

okay

letsgetit!

first of all,

story time!

your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds

so you being the wise human,

you went to get an apartment near the campus

it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff

you were both living respectively until he had to leave

the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you

one morning you just woke up and found his note

‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’

the whole day yesterday, you were working

bc,,, yknow

broke college life

and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep

so you didnt really see or notice

but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?

ofc you were freaking out

not only was your roommate gone,

how were you going to find a new one?!

jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming

‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’

‘oR tWO?!’

‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’

ugh, jaemin is such a family boy

‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’

jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy

but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you

however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was

‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’

knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed

ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak

but he’s not that mean, is he?

you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin

so there you are,,

sitting on your couch alone

without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty

its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable

jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate

just as you were about to call him,,

your doorbell rang

you froze and you looked at the time

it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery

see,,

if jaemin was here,

he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it

but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole

the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants

ngl, you were terrified and trembling

he rang it again and you jumped

typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’

you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door

thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung

a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position

you both just froze for like a phat minute

snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you

‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’

you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much

the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid

okay, so you were sHOokETh

damn! this boy is fine!

he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand

‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’

now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side

the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up

nodding, you motioned him to come in

jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent

‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’

you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face

‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’

you begged and jeno thought you were weird

but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way

so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!

now onto the good stuff!

so, jeno is a vv clean guy

like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage

so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible

but you being a mess you are,

you usually leave a lot of things everywhere

lets just say you have a short memory

‘oh? how did that get there?’

eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it

ofc you understand and you actually try to be better

since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate

maybe even better than jaemin

(but don’t tell him that)

jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream

since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7

he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first

even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee

babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe

you on the other hand,,

you’re very surprised

when you got to bed after showing jeno around,

you messaged jaemin

ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone

‘WHAT?!’

‘bitch answer the damn phone!’

‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’

‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’

‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’

smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him

‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’

but jeno is F A R from C H I L L

oh my goodness,,

hes a crackhead

theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is

you and him basically communicate with memes

sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme

you cant help but snort

also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate

‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’

hes a science major while you were a computer major

he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks

but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside

whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing

‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’

its so cute

oof also!

jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare

he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’

for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands

at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth

which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop

but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face

it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water

but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut

you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair

thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions

‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’

but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip

‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’

cue confused y/n

‘wUT?’

‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’

ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you

‘how is this making money?!’

‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’

more confusion

‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’

you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened

but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside

‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’

jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn

with your wide eyes and mouth open

‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’

‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’

he looked at you skeptically

‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’

lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day

What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night

‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’

you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt

he nodded and slipped it off

he explained why he came late when he first moved

‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'

as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself

‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’

you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body

there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted

‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’

‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’

your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma

jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face

‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’

his confidence made you chuckle

‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’

‘i know you do and i will. always.”

ever since then,

youve become his little caretaker

youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately

smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people

but jeno tries to help you keep up

he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile

his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more

chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt

so,, what better to be the manager of his friend

‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’

jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent

his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked

‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’

at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head

‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’

chenle being chenle,,

he continues to prod

‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’

smh, chenle youre so annoying

but hes so right

ever since you caught him,

hes been making sure he gets home at the same time

he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him

during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you

but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you

he just thought of it as making you not worry for him

but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits

the way you make this face whenever you dont understand

or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with

he noticed it all and he loves them

‘hOLy ShIT!’

that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money

bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes

‘what’s wrong?’

you came running but he scooped you up to a hug

ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright

jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you

you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you

(his thoughts, not mine)

‘i-i’

he stuttered and you motioned him to continue

‘i won!’

he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time

guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts

(dab that bitch)

‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’

he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’

‘nah, im just good’

you eyed him and smiled

he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face

heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night

he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him

‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’

you halt and look at him seriously

‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’

even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago

but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more

‘thank you’

his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help

a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight

sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore

but this was so un-jeno

just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street

‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’

you question while he looked sheepish

‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’

he laughed but you didnt react

‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’

he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks

‘i-well-if you put it that way’

‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'

‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’

he argued and a soft smile crept up your face

‘yah, lee jeno'

your voice became a whisper

‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’

he looked at you in shock after hearing your response

he also turned red at the mention of him being yours

‘so-but-i dont think-'

he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop

‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'

by now, yall were blushing

even though it might not sound like it,

but yall just indirectly confessed to each other

yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip

‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’

your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes

‘like-like a date?’

it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself

but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely

‘it'll be one of many'

lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno

#lee jeno #jeno #jeno imagines #lee jeno imagines #boxer!jeno #nct dream jeno #nct dream jeno imagines #lee jeno scenarios #jeno scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #boxer!jeno imagines #roommate!nct dream #roommate!jeno #lee jeno fluff #jeno fluff #nct dream fluff

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tandytoaster · 5 years

Text

I’m gonna be a fuckin bitch for this post and i’m not really sorry i don’t think.

So i’m in college. For social work. To help people. You know. Getting my life together. And in the beginning I made a friend who likes nintendo games and i was like OH BOY, MAYBE THEY LIKE METROID. they did not and i have continuously made the mistake of associating with this kid. Like almost every day he does something that makes my skin crawl with the feeling of “oh my god i canNOT relate to this kid at all”.

At first my issue with him was that he reminded me exactly of Tristan except not evil. My second issue was just that he gave me wicked secondhand embarrassment. My third issue is that I have not the slightest idea why he’s still in this course, he has proved time and time again that he has learned nothing.

The first red flag that went up for me was personal because he reminded me of Tristan. The second one went up when he said that he felt gay people were shoving their gayness down people’s throats and that he was sick of the rainbow flag. When he first said that I was like, are you fucking kidding me? I told him about the ratio how many straight movies there are compared to gay ones, I told him about how the rainbow flag is a symbol of safety and acceptance, WE HAVE ONE IN OUR GODDAMN CLASSROOM. He told me that in highschool almost every classroom had a gay flag in it and almost everyday there was a class discussion about it. I asked him if it was the students or teachers who brought it up and he said “mehhhh it was the students” SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT TELLS ME? THAT THOSE WERE GAY OR TRANS STUDENTS NEEDING ACCEPTANCE. AND YOU’RE HERE IN FRONT OF ME, IN FRONT OF THIS RAINBOW FLAG, COMPLAINING ABOUT THEM. He wanted to “agree to disagree” about it but I was like “no man your views are potentially harmful”. People overheard us arguing and they sided with me, the student council president i think it was spoke to us and said (in response too “theres too much gay stuff”) “I’m actually trying to get them to paint the crosswalks here rainbow”, so like, take that.

And we talk about this stuff in class fairly often. We’ve spoken about the importance of symbols, identity, flags, safe spaces, we get DEEP into it. But you know what this kid does all class? He looks at memes or plays fire emblem heroes on his phone, sometimes he plays his whole ass switch in class. OR! or or or, he gets up and leaves in the middle of a lesson that holds CRITICAL information that would help him become less ignorant and prejudiced. Just the other week we were talking about how straight people will never know the struggle, the oppression, that nonstraight people face, and of course this kid was just playing on his phone, and ohohoho the instructor called him on it and got mad and it was honestly? So satisfying.

So I had to be the one to explain to him what oppression is and how fuckign serious it is. People fucking die man. This was around the time the whole “gays own splatoon” thing happened and the dude was SO upset about it. I was like “.... you realize those are all jokes right? Nobody means anything by it”. He sort of got it but one thing he said is like, big fuckin yikes. He said he seen a meme on the drawing feature or whatever that said “straight people suck at splatoon” or something and he said he was actually offended by that and if it wasn’t for the fact that his best friend is a lesbian, these jokes that he’s seeing would probably turn him into a little bit of a homophobe. And because I had to be civil and he did want my help I was like “you have to work on that, you NEED to do something about that”. Because you can’t be like that in general and you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT be like that going into the field we’re going into.

I wish he paid attention in class so then he wouldn’t come to me to ask “hey how do i not be homophobic” and get me all mad but then i cant get mad because that doesnt help either of us. at least its good practice for the future and any weirdos i get in my career.

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh “at least”. That’s one of his favourite things to say :))))))))) at least at least at least AT LEEAST. We’ve been through a semester and a half of counselling skills and you still have not learned how to properly console people. “At least” belongs in a pity pile, “At least” is you saying “youre problems arent THAT bad :)” you think it sounds nice but really youre just belittling the person and their issues. oh my fuck he SMOTHERS people if they’re having problems. Last week I guess I was “off” or some shit idk! something i didnt wanna talk to him about, AND HE KEPT GOING ON “whats wrong. do you wanna talk about it. you seem upset. you seem upset. whats wrong. im here”, SO I TURNED TO THE DUDE AND WAS LIKE “You’re going to make me a lot worse if you keep asking, and you and I both know you hate it when I get angry :)” like im ready to verbally rip this kid a new one i am SO ready.

Today he was smothering one of our friends because they went through a break up and oh my god even the tone of voice he uses sets off my shut-the-fuck-up reflexes ?? He was like “do you need anything, do you need snacks, do you need a hug, do you want me to buy you something, do you want me to rough him up, do you want me to send him a message, please dont cry crying is bad, do you want a hug” and our poor friend just sat their sulking not saying anything PROBABLY BECAUSE HE WAS SMOTHERING THEM. They got up and went somewhere so i turned to him and said “YOU ARE SMOTHERING THEM (awkward laugh to attempt to hide my anger) you are smothering them you cant do that. So he said “Hey you know word of advice you need to word things better because you might hurt someone’s feelings” and all i said was “right”. Then later in the day I’m talking to our heartbroken friend and I’m using actual skills we learned in class and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, we’re making progress and they’re talking about it to me.

I’m so aggressive with this dude because 1, i cant stand him, and 2, he hasnt gotten it through our non aggressive talks in class. I wanna kick this into him, like 2013 tumblr style LISTEN UP FUCKER type of shit.

When i explained to him a few weeks ago that Homophobia Is Bad, do you know how he thanked me????????? He gave me his copy of ssb melee. That game is like his pride and joy and it sells for 80 fucking dollars and he gave it to some bitch that doesnt even like him. I don’t even want a thank you for telling you to not be a homophobic piece of shit. So now I have this copy of melee that i feel horrendous about having because I don’t even like this kid anymore i’m sick of him.

and the week after he gave me that guess what i found out haha???? HE HAS A CRUSH ON ME!!!!!!!!!! AWFUL!!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU LIKE ME!!!!!! I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT CONTINUOUSLY HURT YOUR FEELINGS I DO NOT GET IT.

Last week he left a bag of those hersheys clusters on my part of the table and when i seen them a wave of defeat and anger washed over me, i dont want your fuckin gifts, i dont want your money, i dont want you to give me things because you like me. i do not appreciate it. it feels wrong. I think he cried because i didn’t acknowledge the bag. after class he said he got them for me and i told him i didnt feel right taking them, so he said “just pretend that they came out of nowhere” and i shook my head and said no and i left them there. idk what happened to that bag.

twice back in september he commented on my eating habits, said i had a sweet tooth WHEN I WAS EATING HEALTH FRUIT GUMMIES???? so now i cant eat in front of him or else i panic.

we’re fine texting each other but i really do not enjoy being around him irl. and today i came to the realization that I’m not gonna get along and vibe with everybody, he just happens to be one of those people.

so now i’m like, angry a lot of the time again because i have to deal with him and his terrible work ethics and tristan transference

I should’ve known he didn’t like metroid.

#noop nooping #YA LIVE YA LEARN YA GET MAD.

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homieswithhades · 6 years

Text

BTS Analysis;

I don’t even know if I can call this an unpopular opinion bc I know some people agree with this, this is more of an in-depth analysis and personal experience I guess. It’s all about bts... and its lowkey a mess. I apologise in advance for any grammar/spelling errors, and times I may contradict myself a bit. This is something that REALLY bothers me. I just want to clarify that I love bts a lot, and that I was the HUGEST STAN for a good 5ish months. I still stan them but not as much due to the following reasons.

They just don’t make good music anymore. They love yourself era was when everything turned to shit. The actual core love yourself concept is very good but,,,, it was executed really poorly.

Dna was my first comeback with them, even though I’ve been listening to them since august 2016. But when actually became a stan in April 2017, I was obsessed with them. I was so damn excited for their September 2017 cb that my standards were through the roof. During the summer they changed the logo and did the beyond the scene thing,,, that’s the first thing that kind of irked me,,, and then they did the highlight reels in the style of I need u and they were redeemed.

When love yourself her started promotions and teasers, the bar was higher than the person who edited the DNA mv. The concept pics were so unfitting??? And just lacked that aesthetic element. I dint like them at all,,,, and the album cover was,,, below standard and looked rushed and lazily designed. But when serendipity came out I loved it (and I still do) so that fuelled my expectations for the music, even though they weren’t really that damaged by the odd first impression of the album. But then DNA came out and???? I was so disappointed?????? The beat was so annoying,,, the mv was so ugly,, the outfits were ugly,,, the lyrics were weird. In other words DNA was just a straight up flop... I hoped the rest of the album would have been better but,,,, it really, REALLY wasn’t.

After love yourself her I lost a lot of interest in bts. I missed their old music so much, and I was genuinely upset over it. I didn’t follow them as closely as I used to. I started to joke about them with my friends who lost interest in bts before me, but I still missed the old bts so much. The whole Ellen show thing, all the western media like Buzzfeed and Billboard making vids and articles about bts, all the rigged award shows, it pissed me off bc they were getting famous in the US bc of their worst album that didn’t display their full potential at all!!!!

Imma just go out and say it, armys are one of the most toxic fandoms ever.

Sometimes they’re just plain disrespectful and starting arguments where they don’t belong. I wouldn’t be able to count how many times I got attacked on Twitter, Instagram and even in the YouTube comments for expressing a different opinion. I remember all the fan wars and scandals. All the mobs at airports, All the times k-fans and i-fans tried to ruin another groups reputation (I’m not saying other fans never did this, bc it was always a thing, but it was never this extreme.) and the fuckin credit card thing oh my god,,,, a huge shitstorm caused by one fandom that lasts for years on end.

When bts got really mainstream, and gained more young western fans, they really ruined bts even further for me. Not to mention all the cringey tweets and memes, they hurt to look at. I absolutely don’t mind the “you got no jams” meme or the “ExCuSE mE” one, bc theyre just pure goof from the members, but when armys took it and overused it, that’s when it started to get annoying.

Some armys genuinely think bts is the only kpop group and that the world revolves around them. They comment “annyeonghaseyo any armys here???!!!” in the most unexpected places, I deadass saw someone on my overwatch team playing quick play with the name “army.FOREVER.saranghae” yall do realise it costs 10$ to change ur blizzard username, right?

Some armys also don’t respect other kpop groups in older gens (or any other ones for that matter) and assume that bts broke through into the western world themselves, which is complete bullshit, without groups like bigbang, shinee, tvxq, shinhwa, h.o.t, seo taiji boys etc etc (and other ones I don’t know of rip) kpop would have never gotten into the western world.

I never identified as an army bc I knew they were cringey bc of my friends who were HUGE armys back in 2016 and low-key koreaboos, and I knew what the bad stans looked like, so I never associated with them, and just called myself a bts stan. But the whole western situation just got so goddamn worse. I was sick of the Americans plaguing bts for me.

I also wanna say, I know not all armys are toxic and cringey. And I respect the level headed and chill Armys, yall are doing it right.

Moving on from Armys, I noticed a change in bts themselves. Namjoon changed his stage name, which absolutely sent me. I understand the meaning behind it but for some reason I felt that he did it to be fake deep? Or woke, and that he tried to completely cover-up his past self. The other members became cocky and were always draped in all that ugly Gucci and designer shit. I knew they were being forced to act the way they were acting, bc I know them well. I know how they really are. I know that they’re good people. I know they’re very humble deep down. They had that special connection with their fans before, that made u feel like u were good friends with them, and they absolutely ruined that. They’re being forced to put on this fake image to impress you filthy Americans.

I still stan bts atm. But I stan them for their old music and the people they truly are, not who they are portrayed to be. I can’t remember when euphoria came out, but I was kinda annoyed they tried to incorporate hyyh prologue into their shitty concept. And the song was also annoying and too edm-ish (like most of their new songs, idk why their style completely changed). Anyway, when tear came out, I was still kinda off the bandwagon, and I saw the concept pics and I was surprised at how nice they were. I saw the album cover, which was still ugly but better than the previous one. Then Singularity came out and!!!!! I loved it a lot. And then fake love happened. Oof is all I have to say. But some songs on the album, were actually good. Like the truth untold, paradise and OUTRO TEAR. Outro tear will remain the best song in the love yourself trilogy.

I also feel that I have to acknowledge that for all the love yourself albums only the intro and outro were genuinely up to standard (except outro answer).

Then came love yourself answer and idol. When I found out they were collabing with niki minaj I lost it. The concept pics were ugly once again, it was supposed to a controversial comeback???? And??? It wasn’t. I’m honestly glad it wasn’t promoted.

I noticed a repetitiveness with songs on answer. The beat was off with the singing. It was all just a mess. I also noticed the amount of godddamn auto tune in the songs (eg, mic drop, fake love, idol, airplane pt.2 and others I can’t remember atm) all of bts’s old songs all sound unique and different, and they all had this “emotional” element to them, to elaborate on that, compare dna, fake love or idol to save me, I need u or young forever. Notice how dna, fake love and idol convey absolutely no emotion through the lyrics or the actual beat of the song, unlike save me, I need u or young forever, that literally have more sentimental/emotional value in the few English lines that are in the song then all of the lyrics in their 3 new title tracks combined. I think this is my most difficult point to explain bc different songs make people feel different things, but it’s no doubt that you can tell the difference between a song that’s made to appeal to the masses with no unique properties to a song that coveys deep emotion (whatever the emotion may be) through the beat, the lyrics and the sound of the vocals/rapping alike. Listen to intro nevermind, and then listen to go go and just try to tell me that im wrong.

Alos, bts seem to have incorporated auto tune into songs, especially on their vocalists. bts don’t need the auto tune bc they’re good vocalists. Also, I have to mention, the vocal line isn’t the “best” per say. they’re good vocalists but it’s nothing special. Seokjin is the best vocalist period. Jungkook’s voice is generic, and in recent songs he has been straining it to reach the notes. Taehyungs voice isn’t even that special, it’s just deep, and it only really suits ballads and R&B songs like singularity or butterfly. Jimin has a very nice voice, but again, it’s nothing extraordinary. I feel that Jin has the most vocal potential, and he doesn’t get to show it, he has this really unique voice, idk what it is about it that just??? I really love it. But to clarify, I’m not hating on their voices or saying there untalented, because they’re very talented, but most of vocal line gets too much credit. As for rap line, I think they’re one of bts’s strongest points. Namjoons style is so smooth and just overall good? It amazes me that he rapped so well over the years with a breathing problem. Hoseok is a good rapper too, his sound is unique and his adlibs add to that uniqueness in older songs, as for Yoongi, I genuinely think he’s one of the best rappers in the industry, it’s not about the speed element, it’s about his flow, his power, his emotion, everything about his rap is just amazing.

Now I wanna talk about the member’s individual popularity. The maknae line has the most stans, and quite frankly, their stans are the worst. Treat all of the members with the same love and respect. Sure, it’s perfectly fine to have a bias but to disregard the other members is just plain wrong.

Bts are human beings, first and foremost, and then there musicians second. They’re being made into media puppets and clout bait, which they absolutely don’t deserve. They deserve recognition for their good stuff, which they have PLENTY of.

All in all, I’m sick of the American attention. It’s cringey, annoying and unnecessary. Sure, bts deserve recognition but not that much of it!!!!!!

And they were being recognised for the wrong thing for fucks sake!!!! I didn’t like ANY of the new songs on answer. I only liked epiphany. And then I found out it wasn’t written by any of the members. Rip. Fans will unfortunately blindly follow, stream and like whatever they put out like blind sheep because it’s accustomed to them, bighit KNOW that they’ll make more money in America. They know no matter what bts put out, no matter how shit it is, fans will like it and itll be revenue for the company. And all the mobile games and the bt21??? Was so unnecessary?? Capitalism amirite? Quantity over quality. It’s the sad truth.

Armys tend to mix up criticism and hate. Although there is a very thin line between the two, there is a difference. Criticism is the analysis and judgement of the merits and faults of something. Hate is blind and unjustified. Hate is disliking something for no reason, or for a very invalid reason. So for example, saying; “I don’t like this apple because its bitter and im not a huge fan of bitter things” is fine to say, unlike, “FUCK THIS APPLE BECAUSE ITS BITTER, FUCK ALL APPLES” you know? It’s okay to dislike a group. It’s NOT okay to hate on a group. No one’s is going to gain anything by hate.

So, all the youtubers are reacting to bts for clout, the fandom is a fucking mess, armys are attacking other fandoms for no reason, the members lost their TRUE humbleness and neglected their real personalities and they’ve put out 3 overall bad standard albums over the course of a whole ass year.

But I still have this spark of hope for them. Why? Because I love them, they have a special place in my heart. I know they have the potential to be amazing, unique and just overall good people with their own personalities, and truly special musical abilities.

After their tour I honestly, really hope the attention dies down and they put out another good, original, album like the hyyh albums, with nice concepts, good songs, and a pleasant to look at mv. It’s really all I ask for. The old bts. I know I’ll never get them back, and I absolutely cherish their old stuff, like the bulletproof logo, bangtan boys, rap monster, hyyh, young forever, no more dream, wings, them all goofing around together and not caring about their image, their wholesome interactions with fans, and all the songs and concepts and theories that never have, and never will be recognised.

On a final note, I realise I can’t blame bts themselves entirely for this. This stuff is only partially “their fault”. Its bighit’s fault, the army’s and haters fault and the media’s fault. But, America is to blame the most. That’s all for today.

#delete

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blazing--soul · 6 years

Text

On Triggers.

// ...I don't normally make posts like this, and I'm not typically one to bring my personal life onto my rp blogs, but I really feel like the concept of “triggers” need to be addressed.

// placing under cut. TWs for mentions of sexual assault and self harm.

// something I've noticed recently, is the general attitude of society as a whole when it comes to trauma. People seem to conflate the term "triggered" with "offended", "angry", "upset", and the like, when in reality, those terms are NOT interchangeable.

// in the world of psychology, the term "triggered" is used to describe the physical and/or emotional response to being reminded of an extremely traumatic event that has happened to them in the past. What happens when you, well, "Trigger" the adverse effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

// It's not Papa 4chan's "lol r u triggered" memes. It's not a joke. And it CERTAINLY goes MUCH farther than simple "baggage" that can just be tucked away and forgotten about.

// if anyone wants to know what can happen when someone's triggered, it's not just those "war flashbacks" you hear about in war veterans. It often revolves around the sufferer being forcibly thrown back into the mental state they were in during a traumatic experience. It's highly distressing for someone with PTSD to be reminded of the thing that broke them. This may get a bit personal, but I'll use myself as an example.

// on Sunday, September 10th, 2017, i was led to the house of a man i met on the presumption that we were simply to hang out as friends, because he offered to drive my carless ass home after an event. In reality, he had other plans. And on that day, this man forced himself on me in his bedroom, and I was raped. My goodwill and trusting nature led to me being sexually assaulted against my will.

// as one might imagine, this has left massive scars on my psyche. Anything reminding me of that day could seriously damage me mentally. The best possible result of me being triggered, is disassociating, shaking with anxiety and crying.

// the WORST possible senario, leads to an irrational, full-on mental breakdown. I'm sobbing, i feel terrified as though I'm back in the situation, a feeling worsened if im pinned or trapped in any way (which can result in my blindly lashing out in a terror-fueled attempt to escape), i start feeling sick to my stomach, and a powerful, irrational desire to claw at places he touched because i feel so revolted, disgusting, and like a hideous, disgusting human being, like a used toy. I'm practically inconsolable, practically babbling incoherently between sobs until i finally calm down, and even then, any wrong move can set me back off until the episode I'm having is over.

// it's not a pleasant feeling. It's not a situation that I'd choose to be in. It's something i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. So today's mindset of "lol, no safe spaces, grow up and get over it" is honestly disturbing and unbecoming of anyone i'd want to call a friend. Because accommodating someone with an undesired, and highly detrimental disability is just basic human decency. If you'd open the door for someone on crutches or in a wheelchair, why would you tell someone who literally devolves into a frightened, terrified mess against their will when shown reminders of atrocities in their past "dont like it, then gtfo"? Why lock someone out of an entire experience simply because they can't be fucked to, i dunno, provide an easy workaround to appease all involved when it can be done LITERALLY at the press of a button?

// it's the reason blacklists exist. Why trigger warnings exist. It's in the same god damn vein as wheelchair ramps and fucking automatic doors. If you can put in a shit ton of effort to make sure a physically disabled person can navigate a building, then why is it so difficult for today's world to make the effortless move to tag triggering content, or make a new separate room in a group chat setting so that way people can enjoy what they like without estranging those of us who can't look at said enjoyment without being reduced to a pathetic display of fear and trauma?

// like, i write a lot of potentially triggering shit at times. a lot of my ocs have been through major emotional and physical abuse. but i still fucking tag it, because i care enough about people that i don’t want abuse survivors to experience that same pain of being triggered.

// it just... gives off an impression that people either don't understand trauma, or just don't give enough of a fuck about trauma victims to provide a workaround for the sake of their mental health. And honestly, it hurts a lot.

#Word of Hope [ooc]#basically a psa on what the triggers actually are #and why tagging is important.#don't reblog but feel free to read.#tw rape mention #tw self harm mention #personal #highly personal

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floralkittygambler · 3 years

Text

Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening - Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set. I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways.

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit.

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others. The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online.

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog:

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot. But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others. For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now. Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

#im fucking tired #ive hardly had any alcohol lately as well #ive snuck some though but not as much for unwind time sadly #also discovered sourz alcohol and it is wonderful #i made someone laugh until literal pissing themselves though so #im taking bloody pride in that comedy so

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this-brownie · 4 years

Text

3.28.20

Coronavirus

Levi and I are in Florida right now, quarantining ourselves from the coronavirus. its already our 5th day here— we left nyc on the morning of 3/24. Levi drove literally 14 hours in one day, we finally got a few hours rest in savannah and then booked it again until we reached west palm beach. were staying at an airbnb and its pretty spacious, clean, and has an amazing heated pool. the owners live right next to us which is annoying because it feels like our parents are watching over us. other than that, the weather has been beautiful and everything else is relatively comfortable. we did $700 worth of groceries so that we wouldn't have to leave the house and potentially get sick. I have to admit I'm loving being a homemaker— my daily decisions include what bikini to wear to the pool, what to make and eat for each meal, and who to talk on the phone with. I feel really privileged and blessed that I have Levi; because of him I am able to live in comfort and not worry about having a roof over my head or whether I will get to eat. because of this whole virus shit, im not working at either of my jobs. my first job is as a behavior technician, where I teach life skills to little children with autism. nyc shut its schools down which means we can't continue our services either because its not safe to be outside right now and to gather with many people. my supervisor is aware of her employee’s financial struggles so she's instituted paid online training where we can at least have a little income while the situation blows over. in my other job, I work as a receptionist and JUST got promoted to management but unfortunately haven't been able to work one day in my new position. how life works. thankfully, my boss called me (and all the other staff) to update us on when he will be reopening the salon and how things will be going forward. he said I may have to take on a bigger role in the future. that makes me hopeful that he isn't thinking about firing me, so for now I will continue to be patient.

other than my own lack-of-work problems, I am doing okay. Levi makes enough money that I technically don't have to be working. I feel fucking lucky that I don't have to stress about my finances or any external factors. true, Levi is still stressing and working away; since he works remotely anyway, his job has not been affected. but for me personally, I am trying not overthink or become anxious about the outside world. in the end, I don't have the ability to create any type of change. this may sound hopeless but actually it is just helping me to let go of things that are not in my hands. I still worry about my family and friends, about small business owners, about the economy, about how the world will look once we come out of this, but I am tying to distance myself from it as much as I can. im in the middle of Florida— escaped far from my home, so I will let that guide my emotions. I am here now, I will just have to make the best of it. Levi smokes and he wanted to leave for two reasons. the first is because nyc is incredibly packed and there is a much higher chance of becoming infected simply because of how crowded the city is, the lack of space, and the amount of people who still have to go to work despite being sick or not. the second reason is that Florida has less people, and enough hospitals so that should anything happen to us we can still access healthcare without being put on an intense wait, or possibly dying while waiting. its true that Florida has more old people— from what I see of Italy, the older generation is getting sick, and dying, at such a rate that hospitals are deciding to prioritize younger lives— so if we do get sick, I think they would probably, hopefully, take care of us first. its fucked up but so is life in general.

I believe the govt wants to kill people by the masses which is why not a lot is being done in terms of efficiently safekeeping people. how does a country like the us which has so much wealth and the “greatest military in the world” unable to have the resources to take care of its sick, not properly enforce people to stay inside, and give priority on bailing companies out rather than individuals or families? by choice. the more people die, the more the rest will become scared and be willing to give up their rights. I wonder if people will take a step back and think, just weeks ago all these minimum wage workers were called “low skilled”, uneducated, and useless and YET here we are, relying on them to keep us fed, to transport us, to have things running smoothly. how do we allow that as a society. if these minimum wage workers weren't fucking desperate and already worried about feeding their families, they would not put up with it. that's how capitalism works, it literally exploits workers who don't have better options. people are probably too scared right now to do anything. they need these shitty jobs, this shitty pay. I read a meme that said “I received a letter that said I am an essential employee, and a paycheck that clearly said I am not”. that's what the fuck these people are being forced to endure. its not like the big companies are gonna die out. and even if they do, fucking let the. all of these motherfuckers are so greedy, fucking Jeff Bezos has a fundraiser so that people can donate to his sick workers. motherfucker, what the fuck are YOU doing? richest man on earth, biggest piece of shit. I hope he fucking dies. and okay, lets say these people are not important, let them die. the poor, the homeless, the druggies, the mentally insane, the losers. let them die out. what about the ‘worthy’? the ones battling it out in the hospitals and healthcare industry. they don't even have proper attire to protect them from the very ones they are trying to save. what about them? don't we care enough to help them either? if every doctor and nurse get infected, who is going to be left to take care of the rest of the population? what's the point. even if these people want to be selfish they can't. the govt would willingly let us die out rather than give us a cent. I hope people can see through this veil, can see through their issues and hinderances and see where the problem lies. when we finally understand that WE are them, we are the poor, we are no better than the next, we are not motherfucking Jeff bezos, only then can we come together and ignite a revolution. until then, these are just thoughts circling my head.

I am trying to take this time to work on some hobbies that I don't have time for in my usual life. thank god I don't have to worry about children to feed. thank god I don't live paycheck to paycheck. thank god I live with my husband, my companion, and am not stuck in a household where I would feel extremely stuck. I feel extremely grateful that I can treat this escape like a vacation, when so many others are struggling. because I am unable to help others much, I am trying to focus on bettering myself as much as I can. my goals are to cook daily, practice my French, work out by doing krav maga, yoga or regular home workouts, read some books, and routinely start to write again. the most I can do for my loved ones is be there emotionally and possibly send them some money. I had a little sum of money saved up which I gave to my mom before I left, and still have a little left for whoever else may need. I hope this all ends soon and we come out better and stronger, because the alternative would be devastating.

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sunbrights · 7 years

Note

mahiru/natsumi - impatiens, thistle, quince (off topic, but you write actual masterpieces, im in love)

(on topic: thank you!! I’m really glad you like them! I hope you like this one, too! 😊)

impatiens: impatience

thistle: misanthropy

quince: temptation

(Also, everyone’s free to drop me a character/pairing + flower(s) from this meme if you still want to! It might take me longer to get to them, but my askbox is always open.)

All of her pictures of Natsumi are wrong.

They aren’t bad. The group shots especially are nice; she has plenty of Natsumi mugging shamelessly for the camera, her elbow hooked around Yume’s neck. They’re just not right. Off.

Why isn’t a mystery. (Even Natsumi’s spontaneous grins feel guarded and manufactured, and always have.) But time is running out. Graduation is looming, only months away, and her record still feels incomplete.

The three of them go shopping one day during winter break. Yume has to leave early, her mother calling her home to help with her little brother, so Mahiru and Natsumi get crepes and detour to a little park off of the outdoor mall.

Mahiru picks out a bench, to eat and to people watch. Natsumi trails behind her, tapping at her phone with her free thumb. “Ooooh, guess who made it to the front page of the Hope’s Peak message board?” she calls. “You’re moving up in the world, Ma-chan!”

Mahiru rolls her eyes. “You shouldn’t buy into websites like that,” she says. She wraps the top of her crepe in a napkin and balances it in her lap. “It’s so early. What could they possibly have to scout?”

She snaps pictures, while she has the chance. Young adults with their dogs, parents with their children, older couples walking together. Natsumi sits cross-legged beside her and eats, her crepe in one hand and her phone in the other.

“You’re thinking too small,” she says. “Now is when the real frontrunners show up, you know. They’re already saying my brother’s a shoo-in for a spot next year. Maybe you should try paying more attention.”

Natsumi smiles at her sideways, and— there. That’s the kind of photo Mahiru wants. The muted curve of her mouth, the winter-pale freckles across her nose, the rosiness of her cheeks in the cold.

She’s not quick enough, though. Natsumi takes a too-big bite of her crepe, and the moment is gone. Chocolate smears at the corner of her mouth.

Mahiru sighs. “You’re making a mess, Na-chan,” she says. She holds out a spare napkin. “Left side.”

Natsumi waves the napkin away. She chases the spot of chocolate with her tongue instead, a peek of pink between her lips.

“Quit bothering with these jerks,” she says, waving her crepe in a wide arc, “and let’s talk strategy.”

The final term of the school year starts. The photography club gears up for elections, to pick new officers to replace Mahiru and the other graduating third years.

Natsumi acts like she doesn’t want the president spot, but she’s surly the whole week after she doesn’t get it. She comes late to school in the mornings, she disappears during lunchtime, and she turns down all their invitations to hang out after clubs are over.

She skips the next photography meeting altogether, and that’s where Mahiru draws the line.

She finds Natsumi in her empty classroom after school, stuffing her PE bag back into her locker. “Go away,” she says over her shoulder, when Mahiru stops in the doorway. “I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Where were you?” Mahiru asks anyway. “I didn’t tolerate absences when I was president. You know Yasui won’t either.”

Natsumi laughs. It’s her fake, musical trill, the one Mahiru has represented so well in her photo albums. “And?” she says. “Yasui can kick me out if he wants. I’m quitting anyway.”

She has no reason to feel blindsided. She saw it coming all week. It still feels like an open-palmed slap across the face. “Quitting?”

“Yeah,” Natsumi says, flinty at the edges. “Quitting. I’m done wasting my time taking other people’s profile pictures.”

“What about your photography?” Mahiru tries. “You’ve got so much potential. You’re really just going to give that up?”

Natsumi’s knuckles go white around the door of her locker. “Don’t patronize me,” she snaps.

“I wasn’t—”

“Like you give a crap about some dinky middle school club, anyway. You’ve got bigger and better things to think about, right? You always knew you were better than us chumps.”

It’s hard not to flinch, when Natsumi glares. There’s always something detached and cold behind it, something that turns the soft roundness of her face harsh. It makes her look like what she is, the product of the world she comes from.

Mahiru has been holding her ground for two years. She doesn’t flinch. “Don’t put words in my mouth,” she says. “I learned a lot at this school’s club. You would too, if you gave it a chance.”

Natsumi slams her locker door hard enough that the sound echoes in the empty classroom. “Fuck off with your holier-than-thou bullshit,” she spits. “I’m so sick of it.”

She jostles Mahiru’s shoulder on her way out the door. Mahiru lets her. Her eyes are stinging and she doesn’t know why.

“This is just like you,” she calls after her. “You start to genuinely like something, and then the second it looks like it might get difficult, you run away from it.”

Natsumi doesn’t look back.

Their argument goes the way of all the others: they both ignore it until the uneasy animosity settles enough that they can talk again. Natsumi quits photography. Mahiru gets ready for graduation.

On the last day of class, they sit together on the bleachers after school and watch Yume run her relay sprints. Mahiru has her camera on her knees. Natsumi has her phone so close to her face the backlight casts a reflection on her chin, even in the daytime.

“Who’s on the front page today?” Mahiru asks.

Natsumi lights up. She lifts her head to answer, and— there.

Mahiru is ready this time. She presses the shutter: her camera clicks, and Natsumi balks.

“Hey! What the hell was that?! You have to warn me first!”

“What would be the point of that?” Mahiru asks. She props the camera up in her lap and clicks back through the display. “I’d never get a good one that way.”

In the photo, Natsumi has her face tilted up from her phone, her eyes set just beyond the camera. Her freckles are brighter against her skin, from all the spring sun the past few weeks. Her hair is lit up from behind and to the left, a golden semi-circle around her face. She’s in the early lift of a smile, barely there.

Everything about her is gentle, soft, and warm. It makes her look like what she is, the part she doesn’t want anyone else to see.

Relief floods Mahiru’s chest. “There,” she says. “This one. That’s it.”

Natsumi leans over to look. Mahiru doesn’t mind until it’s already happening, struck by a sudden, unfamiliar wave of self-consciousness. It’s a good picture. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. She still thinks about covering the display with her palm.

It’s too late, anyway. Natsumi’s forehead is pinched between her eyebrows, and Mahiru’s heart is in her throat.

“I wanted one more picture,” she tries to explain. “Of you, the way I see you. Before I graduated. You know?”

It doesn’t help. The self-consciousness burns in her face and neck. All she can do is wait, eyes on her knees. They’re sitting so close they’re almost bumping Natsumi’s.

“This is how you see me?” Natsumi asks. It’s the first time Mahiru’s ever heard her so quiet, but it doesn’t take away from the force of her. It just shrinks the world to accommodate her.

Mahiru lifts her chin. She nods.

Natsumi glances down. Mahiru thinks maybe she’s looking at the photo again, but then she puts her hand down on the bleacher between them. The edge of her pinky brushes the edge of Mahiru’s and it’s so— so childish, the way she freezes up. She’s about to go to high school. She’s more mature than this.

She licks her lips, without thinking. She watches Natsumi copy her, a peek of pink at the corner of her mouth, and feels breathless. “Na-chan, um…”

Across the field, a girl shrieks with laughter. The relay races are wrapping up. A teacher barks at the students to mind themselves.

The world zooms back out again. It encircles everyone else and all their wandering eyes, Yume and their classmates and the dour teacher. Mahiru’s breath rushes back into her lungs.

“I think they’re finished,” she blurts. “We should go.”

She stands up from the bleacher, and wipes her dusty hands on her skirt. When Yume waves up at her from the track down below, she waves back and hops down to meet her on wobbly legs.

Natsumi doesn’t follow.

The moment goes the way of all the others: they ignore it. There’s time, Mahiru tells herself. It’ll get better.

High school will change everything.

#mahiru koizumi #natsumi kuzuryuu #danganronpa #does this pairing have a ship name?#idk #i lowkey love it though #you caught me anon #sorry this took me a while!!#been elbow deep in brick by brick #memes #asks and answers #anon #sunwrites

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paradisefovnd · 7 years

Note

8-12 for the multi muse meme

multimuse ask meme accepting

put this under a readmore bc it’s gonna get long

what is each of your muses otps? notps?

ruth balakov - otp: anything gay notp: darth vader??? idk

samir chaudhry - otp: i rlly like the thing goin on with @cverture‘s beth (im super slow in replying but ??? i like what we’ve got goin on) notp: voldemort

tutankhamun “tut” mcmullen - otp: ROWAN notp: that ask when rowan dumps him :(

jughead jones - otp: burgers notp: humans

melody valentine - otp: ALEXANDRA CABOT as written by @shenaniganelous notp: sadness

mark darcy - otp: BRIDGET OFC notp: not bridget???

choi han-kyul - otp: eun chan i cry :’) notp: someone who writes him off as a stupid playboy (and refuses to see his potential)

dr. noelle akopian - otp: a nice bath and glass of wine notp: any human who doesn’t treasure her like she deserves

greg serrano - otp: i’m trash but rebecca (also happiness) notp: greg and josh? (it’s not a bad ship i just can’t feel it for my greg? he thinks of josh as a bro and he can’t get those sexual feelins goin for chan)

maya - otp: aNYONE WHO TREATS HER WELL SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF MY BB notp: someone who is mean to her :(

valencia perez - otp: anything gay notp: valencia and men

johnny castle - otp: bABY notp: someone who takes advantage of him

blair warner - otp: GAY MOMS notp: not gay moms??

jo polniaczek - otp: GAY MOMS notp: not gay moms!!!

emily gilmore - otp: happiness notp: never having growth or independence

meredith quill - otp: diggin her and claire played by @iiinfiltrator!!! notp: ego

alice longbottom - otp: frank notp: what happens to her in canon

arthur weasley - otp: MOLLY notp: not molly

victoire weasley - otp: teddy, anything gay notp: idk??

helga g. pataki - otp: ARNOLD! notp: someone mean to her :(

effie trinket - otp: haymitch and anything gay notp: president snow??? idk

katniss everdeen - otp: madge :’) notp: men

jane villanueva - otp: michael, rafael, PETRA notp: adam :( (altho i might love him we’ll see)

michael cordero - otp: JANE GLORIANA VILLANUEVA notp: death :(

rogelio de la vega - otp: xiomara :’) notp: ppl being mean to him

elle woods - otp: VIVIENNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! notp: professor callahan?

ryan atwood - otp: taylor townsend :’) also marissa i cry notp: lindsay

pam beesly - otp: JIM notp: roy

fitzwilliam darcy - otp: elizabeth (maybe charles bingley??) notp: sadness

jane bennet - otp: charles and anything gay notp: mean people

queen clarisse renaldi - otp: JOE notp: sad

sabrina fairchild - otp: anything gay notp: david what a icky person

capheus onyango - otp: HAPPINESS notp: being pressured into things :(

princess fiona - otp: shrek, anything gay notp: lord farquaad

shrek - otp: fiona notp: dragon

charles brooks - otp: liza notp: his ex i forgot her name whoops

josh - otp: liza, happiness notp: cLAIRE IHATE

chuck bartowski - otp: SARAH notp: JILL >:(

denny duquette - otp: life notp: death :/

why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

ruth balakov - i’ve had her character in my head for such a long time, and i was finally just like “fuck it! i’m gonna write her!” bc i love parks and rec, but i just can’t play leslie bc there’s too much history and stuff and i really wanted to play a quirky nina fc bc i used to have one that i loved, and it just seemed like a perfect fit

samir chaudhry - i felt a desperate need to reply as an astronaut to @cverture‘s beth, and so samir was born

tutankhamun “tut” mcmullen - tut’s origin story is one of the best!!! so, @idyllicism and i decided to use this randomizing character generator to do a fun random thread, and it gave me tut (which is why his name is so out there) who has grown so close to my heart, and i am thankful

jughead jones - tbh i added jughead bc i wanted to write him properly aKA ASEXUAL! I’M LOOKIN AT U RIVERDALE

melody valentine - tbh… i added her bc i wanted to write her with jenna :) and also i loved archie comics as a kid and always thought melody was so beautiful and her voice came easily to me so !

mark darcy - buckle in, this is gonna be a long ride. bridget jones’s diary is one of those movies that i love to death. it’s one of my sick movies, it’s one of my sad movies, my homesick movies, it helps me feel better. so, watching bridget jones i’ve always identified with both of the lead characters, but there’s something about mark that was especially easy for me to access. i’m still trying to figure out exactly what it is, but there’s something to him that i just…understand, if that makes sense. when i decided to make a multi-muse, he was one of the very first characters i had as a muse bc i knew i had to add him. he’s in my heart and soul.

choi han-kyul - so han-kyul is another one of those characters who i just really strongly identify with. in coffee prince, he’s someone who undergoes some huge development in who he is, and when i saw the drama for the first time, it aligned with some things i was dealing with in my own life. his relationship with his father, his coming to terms with his sexuality, his maturation, his longing to live up to his own potential, it all just hit me. another heart and soul character.

dr. noelle akopian - i added her for the funsies

greg serrano - i think i added him because he helps me come to terms with some real life stuff i have going on and also because i loved his development and wanted to explore that past what the show was able to give us

maya - honestly she’s the most pure being, and i just had to add her

valencia perez - valencia is a goddess who deserves better and i’m looking forward to exploring why she is the way she is

johnny castle - when i saw dirty dancing, i fell in love with johnny, and that’s pretty much it. god bless.

blair warner - i cANNOT fuck this is taking so much longer than i thought it would, but i have so many muses, and want to give them all their proper due, and fuclasfhdads. so from the beginning, i walked into a gas station this summer, and one of the employees was like “oh my god, you look exactly like blair from the facts of life!” and i was like “haha thanks!” bc i didn’t know who she was, but my dad who was with me was like “oh my god she does!” and then he was like “she’s like her more than just in looks too” meaning our personalities were similar. so OFC i had to watch this show to see my doppelganger. and WOW i was amazed bc she’s the closest i’ve ever seen to myself in physical aspects but also we’re very similar personality-wise too, and after my first episode, i fell in love, and i just had to add her as a muse

jo polniaczek - i didn’t expect jo, but after i watched that first episode, i fell in love just as i did with blair. honestly, the writers and cast can say she’s straight all they want, but jo is a gay icon, and it’s just so cool to see a character like that who’s so layered. jo is sensitive but also tough. she’s gone through a lot, but still holds such compassion and i love her to death and fuckfdsakfasf she’s honestly ruined all human beings for me now bc she’s the ultimate.

emily gilmore - so, emily is another one of those relating characters. what can i, a 22 year old baby bi, have in common with an old middle aged straight? well, let me tell you: a LOT. i identify so much with the way that emily has tried all her life to succeed in the society she was brought up in and having set ways of doing things and then just…letting go and trying to make herself happy. it’s inspiring and i love her.

meredith quill - listen, i’m not a fan of superhero movies, but i like the guardians of the galaxy series, and when i saw the second movie, i fell instantly in love with meredith and her light, and i had to add her

alice longbottom - i have never read the books, but i’ve read a lot of fandom stuff, and i just love the longbottoms, and i like that there’s a certain amount of freedom there to explore who she is and her story

arthur weasley - arthur reminds me of my dad, and his voice comes super easily to me which is why i added him

victoire weasley - again, i like the amount of freedom i’m afforded in figuring out who she is and all that

helga g. pataki - this is another heart and soul character. as a kid, i was also mean and dramatic and precocious. i was a LOT like helga. even today, i struggle with trying to soften myself for the benefit of others because i can come across as intimidating (idk why??). but i just…it’s just like damn. i get you, helga. we both have an alcoholic parent, tense relationships with our older sisters, and we both don’t have a TON of friends and just feel kind of…out of place, i guess, in the world we live in. we’re a little out of place and i just get her. i understand her, and i’m glad that she exists.

effie trinket - she’s just such a fascinating character, and i want to explore her more

katniss everdeen - i get her

jane villanueva - see, jane is someone who i think i look up to. she’s someone i wish i could be more like. i chose to add her as a muse because i love her and just want to give her a nice life bc lord knows she deserves it

michael cordero i added him bc he loves jane and is a huge dork and so caring and i lvoe him

rogelio de la vega - in a weird way, this is another character i relate a lot to. we’re both dramatic and a little vain, but we also care a lot about our family and most of the time, our intentions are good. he’s honestly such a fun character, and i’m glad i added him.

elle woods - i added her bc she’s amazing??? one of the best people of all time??? and her voice came easily to me so i was like “all right!!!!”

ryan atwood - he’s my fave character from the oc. i love his development, and i love how he’s not exactly who you expect him to be. you think he’s gonna be this big troublemaker, but actually, he just wants a stable life, and he wants the people he loves to be happy. he just wants peace

pam beesly - she’s another heart character. i think a lot of people find it easy to relate to pam bc she goes through so many relatable things, and her story is overcoming insecurities and becoming more confident, and i think that’s something a lot of people can see themselves in.

fitzwilliam darcy - i mean, i’ve always loved pride & prejudice, and i’ll be damned if darcy isn’t the easiest character for me to understand (a lot like mark)

jane bennet - she holds a special place in my heart bc people have said i’m like jane, and i’m always like “i wish” bc she’s the softest, most pure, most kind person, and i just needed that positivity in my life

queen clarisse renaldi - mY LOVE i love how they made her so layered in the movies, giving you hints of her background. i’ve always been interested in exploring her past, so i added her as a muse (another character whose voice came easily to me)

sabrina fairchild - sabrina is one of those movies i would watch after school was i was younger. i loved the romanticism of it and the costumes and music, and as i grew older, i started to think that it would have made for a more interesting movie if sabrina dumped linus at the end rather than ending up with him. what’s so interesting about that movie is her growth. she goes from a very dark place and undergoes some major development while still holding underpinnings of her past despite desperately trying to leave them behind.

capheus onyango - i love sense8, so i knew i wanted to add muses or a muse from there, and going through all the characters, capheus’s voice was the one that came most easily to me. he’s more than just his optimism, and i love having him in my roster bc he has such warmth and compassion for those around him. he worries about how his actions will affect others, and i just have such immense love for him.

princess fiona - me??? i grew up on shrek, and i love it in the most unironic way possible. i sincerely adore the movie and the musical, and fiona is a character i’ve always loved and related to a little bit.

shrek - but more than relating to fiona, i probably relate to shrek more. my family has always joked that i’m like an onion too and that i have layers just like shrek. he grosses me out a lil with all the farting and earwax, but otherwise, i love shrek and think that for living alone for years after being abandoned by his parents, he was able to grow rather quickly once meeting other people, and shrek is good in my book

charles brooks - he’s another darcy like character, although i don’t love him as much. i added him bc lbr the younger fandom needs him

josh - mY SON i love josh and i think that he has so much growing to do, and i love how the show has left some of his background open so that i can take a lil bit more liberty in figuring him out. i also love his adventurous spirit and his ease while also being so loyal and loving. he’s someone i really love.

chuck bartowski - chuck is one of those types that’s easier for me to write, and i think it’s just cause one of our core values is the same: family. family is one of the most important things to him, and it’s one of the most important things to me, and i think we just get each other in that aspect and more.

denny duquette - “i’m a man! i’m a strong virile horse of a man stuck in the body some weak sick bastard that I don’t know, like or recognize. now if you knew what that feels like, you would have never convinced me to let a battery run my heart. if you knew what that feels like izzie, you would have let me go.” this is why.

which muse is the most fun to write for?

again, i have fun with all of them, but probably rogelio. he’s just so much fun to write. helga is a lot of fun too! and ruth!

is there another muse you’ve been thinking of adding or writing for? who?

i mean, there are always more muses i’m thinking of adding. i’ve thought about adding na ae-ra from cunning single lady, but i’m pretty sure no one would write with her, so i haven’t added her yet.

i’m planning on watching the good place, and i just know i’ll probably wanna add someone from there

adding someone from frasier would be cool, but like…i highly doubt there would be an audience for them. like i’d love to write niles or smth, but idk if anyone’s even watched it. i mean, that hasn’t stopped me before, but i’m not pressed about it rn

i’ve always been wanting to add elizabeth from the crown because she’s another one of those characters i just super strongly relate to, but seeing as how she’s actually a real person, i haven’t. this is where i get a little confused because i know she’s a real person, but also, the show takes liberties, and she’s not actually queen elizabeth. like if i could take her character and make her not the real queen of england i would? but i just don’t know about what other people think of that? i dont knowslfjhads it’s a weird situation.

also someone from the west wing

what is something everyone should know about your muses before interacting?

sometimes, the muse for a certain character isn’t always there, so i can be really slow in replying.

#thank u lissa for sending me some!!!!#this took so long bc i wrote so much ims aljfhsdfhsldjfha #( answered tag. )#( mun tag. )#imthelcstprincess

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