#im trying not to let my privilege let me forget because i DO have a lot of privilege

[hanniluvi]

💭 — RICKY AS YOUR BOYFRIEND !

SOPH — tysm for the two anons that requested this! sorry for the delay, i was trying to do a bunch of reqs at once but got carried away due to some school work </3 (yes i have summer hw im suffering). hope you enjoy these though!

GENRE — fluff, angst if you squint | WARNINGS — lower case intended, 2nd pov, and that’s it?

— he seems the type to play it cool in a relationship but is actually a MESS. like what should he do? should he be flirting with you? should you guys be doing anything? besides that cool face, this mind is racking ideas of what he should do and what’s best for the relationship. anything for you!!

— i don’t think ricky could ever get mad at you. like maybe jokingly mad or being frustrated but that’s all. i don’t think he really likes conflict and tries fixing it. thing is, he may give silent treatment just so he could talk to myself on how to solve an argument between you two.

— now, ricky may forget a lot of things, but he never forgets anything about you! anyone can ask something about you, and he’s like a walking google about you. ik he whips his head if he hears your name come out of any of the member’s mouth. they can call him a simp for all he cares — he knows it’s true anyways.

— “you know ricky, you don’t know a lot of stuff of me compared to your partner.” “gyuvin yeah, cause you’re not yn.” “i get that but come on, how could you forget my favorite food?” “oh sorry, i forgot.” “ricky i’ll beat you up—” “yn!!!”

— he would get excited over little gifts you give him. he’s used to being the gift giver, so seeing you get him something just seems ten time more valuable than those luxury brands. probably shows it off to the others. “bet you don’t have this,” LMFAO hes so silly

— the type to send pics of himself or sweet msgs to you when he misses you. and he js plays it off with “i bet you miss me so here you go.” in reality, he just misses you and just wants to hear sweet things from you :( <3

— boy he LOVES strawberries. so he probably buys you strawberry items so that you can be reminded of him. let’s say his obsession can get out of hand, but who doesn’t love cute strawberry items???

— i feel like he would prefer a more private relationship?? but that doesn’t work out since he acts SOOO different around you. so when he announces that you two are dating, the others aren’t surprised whatsoever.

— pretty clueless so would ask you for help because it’s “you two getting along” he says. he would find any excuse to be with you at all times and just wouldn’t mind acting a little clueless.

— if there’s any language barriers, i feel like he’d try his best to communicate with you as best as he can. sure, he wants to give up at some times, but he remembers you, the main cause of his motivation. so he’d study really hard for you :)

— ricky isn’t always as open with his thoughts as he think he is. sometimes, he may isolate himself, just because there’s a lot on his mind. so that’s when you step in! give him comfort and offer to listen bc that’s all what he needs!

— secretly likes physical touch but won’t flat out admit it. he wouldn’t pretend he hates it either, he just lets it happen. secretly smiles when you suddenly become clingy around him. he likes you initiating it first because he doesn’t want to be annoying or a bother to you when he needs affection </3

— the longer you’re in a relationship with him, the more comfortable he is with you. and that’s a good thing! but he still gets flustered over small acts you do for him.

— partner privilege is probably a thing.

— would love showing you off :’) he’s just really glad yours is and sometimes can’t believe it himself. which is why he may just catch himself be quiet and admire you <3

💭 — in bloom already has two wins 🙏 so proud of them <3

ZB1 PERM TAGLIST — @dwcljh @ilovewonyo @jiawji @tzyuki @kpoprhia @flamiricky @misoxhappy @lluvjjun @zzzhoonie

#k-labels #kflixnet #k-films #zerobaseone #zb1 #zerobaseone ricky #zb1 ricky #zerobaseone headcanons #zerobaseone scenarios #zerobaseone imagines #zerobaseone fanfic #zerobaseone x reader #zerobaseone ff #zerobaseone fluff #zb1 headcanons #zb1 scenarios #zb1 imagines #zb1 fanfic #zb1 x reader #zb1 fluff #ricky headcanons #ricky scenarios #ricky imagines #ricky x reader #ricky fluff #kpop #kpop headcanons #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop ff

[agirlwithglam]

Hi!! I hope I'm not disturbing you but I wanted to ask how do I work hard. Because when I was younger I got really good marks without trying and now the subjects are hard and social media is distracting but I can't seem to delete it. This is also why my grades are even low then before and I'm really afraid to disappoint my parents (being the eldest daughter doesn't help). So can you please just give me some pointers on how can I actually study and not just cry because I don't know how to. Have a great day!! <3

literally omg. is this past me asking me a question?? like actually u have no idea how much i relate and understand this. the "gifted child" who always got good grades without needing to study now finds things more difficult. i know many people have said this, but i actually have been through this not too long ago. i hope these tips help <3

how to work hard + actually study (realistic)

forget hard work. at least do the work! (its so funny because i literally had a post about this all ready in my drafts about to get posted, so i'll keep this short and link the post.) stop focussing on doing hard work like studying 24/7. just put in the basic necessities you need to get a better grade. hard work post link

use the disappointment and embarrassment as fuel. (basically find a very strong why) (mini story-ish thing coming up, skip to the blue text for the actual advice) i still remember the day i got such a bad score on my math and science test, i was FURIOUS at myself and i cried about it! telling it to my parents was one of the hardest things i had to do and feeling their disappointment was even worse. but that became my turning point. i was so ashamed of myself and i resented me so much that i basically just told myself "i dont freaking care what you feel *with distaste*. you brought this on yourself you failure" (a bit very harsh, yes i know) but the way i studied that week- i studied more than i every had before! also doing this doesnt really lower my self esteem a whole lot, but if it does with you, please be gentle with yourself. : so what i'm trying to say it; use that feeling of shame and disapointment as a fuel, a motivation. The big “why”.

ALTER EGOOOSSSS. this helps SOOOO MUCH its so underrated. embody the energy of your fav people who are the academic inspiration you wanna be! example: rory gilmore, paris geller, elle woods, blair waldorf, etc etc! not only is this so helpful but it also makes it so much more fun and easier!!

parent yourself. i used to tell myself to do stuff like "go study now!" or "get up lazy-butt" but in my mind. but what if you tried to say those stuff out loud to yourself? it just creates a whole new level of real. So start telling yourself to do stuff out loud.

honestly just start. stop letting yourself think about how "uncomfortable" and how "annoying" it will be. All you need to know is that you need to get it done. Right? Ok. So now what’s the next smallest step you can take to getting to do the unwanted task? It may be taking out your material, opening your book, etc.

( !! tough love, but very important rant coming up)

You privileged brat. Your parents gave up EVERYTHING so you could have the education that you are having. They worked so so hard for YOU. So YOU can have the life you want. And all for what? Just for you to throw it all away and say “oh im lazy”. HELL NAH.

And also, do you realise how fortunate you are to be even living in such a time/ era where you have access to basically EVERYTHING? You’re stuck on something? You could easily search it up!! And whats more is that you can further learn. You can search up and find out more about the thing that you’re studying, become the smartest person in your class, get so ahead in life. I hope you realise that if you do use all the resources and materials and help that’s been given to you, just imagine how far you could go! Further than Albert Einstine, Elon Musk, etc. you may be like “what! No that’s gonna be too hard!” But did they have the tools that you have right at your hand? No! They made it all the way with just simple stuff and having to work super hard. But you live in a time where you can do TWICE as much without working as hard!!

And one more thing, QUIT WHINING. “Oh school is so hard!” “Oh school is so boring!” Like whattt???? You are so FORTUNATE and LUCKY to be even getting access to such education! MILLIONS of kids out there would kill to be able to learn what you are so easily dismissing right now. So TAKE ADVANTAGE OF WHAT YOU HAVE. Put your ALL, your very BEST into studying and getting good grades because THAT is whats gonna take you so SO far in life.

Thank you very much, *mic drop*. (i still ly pookie)

dealing with social media:

put the screen time widget on your phone home screen. i did this, and i became so embarrassed by the amount of screen time i had in one day (*cough* 12 hours *cough*) that i made certain to stop using it as much.

screen time limits. this may or may not help you, bc i know that when i knew the screen time password, it didn't do a lot of help but when someone else did (like parents or someone you trust), then it definitely worked. this is probably only best if you're a child around under 14 ish bc thats around the age when most parents put screen time limits + after that age you're gonna be a lot more independent.

more *extremely* helpful resourses:

tips to decrease your phone screen time by @imbusystudying

how to reduce your screen time in the digital age? (an article)

studying tips from a straight-A student by @universalitgirlsblog2

how to study like paris geller by @4theitgirls

more blogs i recomend:

@elonomhblog @mindfulstudyquest @study-diaries @thatbitchery

xoxo, vanilla

#agirlwithglam🎀✨ #vanilla's pookies💌 #vanilla studies📚 #vanilla self improvement⭐️ #my darling angels #self improve #self improvement #it girl energy #becoming that girl #self development #it girl #academia #studying #studyblr #study motivation #study tips #study aesthetic #how to study #how to work hard #working hard #hard work #girlboss #girlblog #girlblogging #girlblogger #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #asks #vanilla asks #ask #that girl

[yuri-is-online]

I hope im not the only one who finds it kinda annoying when people write mc/prefect as someone who doesn't have basic table manners just so they can be taught by riddle in riddle x readers, or if they're slovenly and ungraceful just so vil can chide and "fix" them in vil x readers, or any other incompetent reader/yuu x competent LI dynamics out there. I know readers are supposed to be "empty" and flexible for many kinds of readers, but it started to feel alot like self-depreciation for me.

I can't say I've seen too many fics with this specific set up, but there's a pretty good chance I ignored and forgot about them. I am more familiar with the Vil concept though, at least I think? But either way I think the issue you might be finding with these things is that they focus on Yuu's incompetence/inability to function as opposed to the potential for intimacy the scenario could create σ(￣、￣=)

This sort of feels like a weird point to bring up, but table etiquette and basic manners can sort of mean two different things. The type of manners you could argue Riddle would want to see expressed at tea/at an unbirthday party could be much more formal than Yuu is used to, which could make for a cute set up for a fic! Picture Riddle trying his best to teach Yuu about etiquette and finding himself having trouble keeping proper decorum, he wants to hold Yuu's hand so badly, he finds himself letting his finger brush up against the back of Yuu's hand while he tries to guide them through what fork to use... or Riddle trying to teach Yuu to dance and getting too caught up in how excited he is to touch them that he forgets to speak (,,>﹏<,,)

And with Vil, I think people like the concept of having someone dote on them and dress them up in expensive things, but there is also a fundamental misunderstanding of Vil's character that a lot of people have where they think he would see someone in basic sweats and assume they need to be "fixed." The main thing Vil desires is for people to work on self improvement and accept nothing less than the best version of themselves. He's not a Kardashian who wants everything airbrushed and the same, he even admits to being privileged in his upbringing and not understanding Neige's struggles in book 6, he's such a well rounded character, maybe the best in the entire game but back to the topic I am actually on-

Walking someone through a skin care routine or washing their hair, especially if they are having a hard time taking care of themselves due to injury or mental distress is something that can be so painfully intimate. People have different ways of caring for themselves and the VOLUMES it speaks to have someone learn and know your language of self love is sosososo important. Makeup is something Vil loves to express himself with, watching him pick out things to use on Yuu so he can express his love through his work shouldn't be about how he is "fixing" Yuu because that's not how Vil would see it. He is speaking to the beauty he already sees and enhancing it with his own, picture him slowly, deliberately, tracing a lip stain onto Yuu's lips and drawing out the process so he can experience what it is like to kiss them without breaching the delicate line his contract has forced him to walk. How he watches Yuu lick their lips later in the night and swears he can feels it; Yuu worries that they're doing something wrong when Vil keeps insisting on doing their make up because he's always so slow about it but really he just wants to place his claim on them in as subtle and intimate a way as possible.

or something i dunno this was just where my mind went

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/732092052701052929/im-actually-really-really-tired-of-reading-posts?source=share

Ok, so, I'm the transsexual gay anon you're trying to vague.

First off, my ask was inspired by a reblogger from here who claimed that the reason straight men don't enjoy romance novels is because straight men are uncomfortable when women in fiction have agency. Lots of other commenters and rebloggers debunked that idiocy, but any point anon might have had about misogyny in straight men's choice of reading material was undermined when they described all straight men (a group which people like to forget includes trans men) as raging misogynists, instead of discussing a systemic issue in men's choice of reading material, or even talking about misogyny as a cultural problem. (By the way, if your response to this is to turn around and say that straight trans men don't count when you're talking about straight men as a group, the word for that is misgendering)

So, lets take your post point by point.

1.) I never said that male privilege isn't real, you're the one who made that up.

2.) it's possible to discuss systemic issues like the wage gap without pretending that trans men always have exactly the same male privilege as cis men, AND without pretending that they aren't men. You are correct to point out that privilege is not exactly identical for every single person, but ignoring that trans and gay people exist is not actually good praxis.

3.) "men don't have to take precautions against strangers of the opposite sex potentially assaulting them whereas women learn to do this from an early age" You forgot to slap "cis" on there. This is an accurate (if broad) statement about cis people. I grew up having to worry about the same exact things a cis girl worries about. The fact that I identify as a man and pass well today does not retroactively shield me from gendered violence or harassment back when everyone who saw me thought I was a teenage girl. Also, homophobic violence exists and men (cis or trans, straight or not!) who don't conform to their culture's standards of masculinity have to watch out for it, often to the same extent that women need to watch out for misogynist violence.

4.) no one asked you to pretend that cis men have it worse than trans lesbians, you made that up.

5.) Honestly, anon, the fact that you think that LGBT men like myself are insignificant and that our feelings don't matter tells me everything I need to know about you as a person (and very little about your political ideologies).

6.) you're right, it isn't about me. It's about systemic problems. Demonising an entire gender does not solve systemic problems. Transphobia and homophobia are also systemic problems, and overlap a great deal with misogyny (I've heard it argued that all three are actually the same thing directed at different people). You can't solve one while pretending the others don't matter.

7.) You're right! Trans men who don't pass are subject to the same crap that cis women are! You outright stating that their feelings about this don't matter doesn't help anyone, no, not even cis women.

6.) Acutally, "all men are scum" is radfem rhetoric, no matter if you allow trans men to be scum or try to define us out of manhood.

--

[yourbpdgf]

hello!! i love ur work ^^ can i request hcs of muichiro being protective of his s/o? thank u and have a great day <33

hii and thank you <3 im really happy you like my work! i made muichiro sound a bit yandere-ish, but i hope you enjoy this despite that. you have a great day as well :D! kinda ooc mui..

protective dog privilege

• muichiro is actually surprisingly protective and a little jealous.

• we all know muichiros forgetful, but if your his s/o he vividly remembers everything about you let me dream alr.

• since your one of the only people he can actually remember alot about your very veryyy important to him.

• and to see his favorite, most important person be around someone thats not him? irritating, hes gonna have to change that.

• so when he sees giyuu try to talk and hang out with you more often? it annoyed his soul.

• he starts to hang around you more often even more so than usual so when giyuu walks up to you he shuts him down.

• giyuu will walk up to you like, "oh hello y/n i-"

• and muichiro will just be passive agressive asl like, "hello to you tomioka, its not too polite to completely ignore my presence now is it? i didnt know you were on first name basis with y/n either. she still calls you tomioka."

• you just stand behind mui, covering your laugh.

• tomioka gets red faced and speed walks away ☠️.

• muichiro looks pretty proud of himself ngl before he returns to his normal face.

• this actually isnt even the first time this happened.

• multiple people of lower rank than him, who would never be able to protect you like he can, may he add try to get a date with you all the time.

• muichiro knows youre an attractive person dont even try to argue ur fine asl i take no criticism so he expects people to ask you out. it doesnt make it any less annoying though.

• he usually rejects them for you and you let him because its entertaining. when you have to do it youre pretty nice about it though so people try to find you when your not with mui.

• overall being the most important person in muichiros life is entertaining. he loves you and you love him, he wont let anyone get in the way of your love <3.

masterpost

#muichiro x reader #muichiro x reader fluff #muichiro tokito x reader #muichiro tokito x reader fluff #demon slayer x reader fluff #demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #kny x reader fluff #anime fluff #fluff #x reader #anime x reader #anime x reader fluff

[makeit-tothemoon]

Disclaimer : English is my 3rd language. Be kind.

I'm sorry for tagging so much but im desperate for help. Please pardon me.

During my time in this fandom i have always read through every vent post, every rant post by every author or artist during their times of distress. I am a writer but not an author or an artist. I have no following. But if you see this please read.

Please understand this comes from a kind place and in no shape or form am i intentionally trying to condemn or shame anyone. I dont know if this will reach anyones feed but i have been seeing alot of people say that it is not your fav authors or fan accounts responsibility to speak up about every conflict. I understand that. Completely i do. But still read this i implore of you.

As someone whose ancestors have been colonised, enslaved, attempted to be ethnically cleansed, crippled and forced under occupation until 1971, i just want to say - although it takes alot of mental strength to interect with upsetting content from conflcited regions such as Gaza and Iran and Syria - your words, no matter how small your platform is can help.

Since there have been posts saying its okay not to speak up (and im not shaming that i promise im trying to be respectful and understanding to the best of my abilities during this upsetting times) - i wanted to write to you to encourage only. To say something. People from Gaza have only this hope - their pain is heard and seen and documented.

I urge you to help out. Because even though comparitively this fandom is small but spreading their cries to even a single person is helpful during these times where propaganda against the gazans are so rampant.

1. Even a single post about ur solidarity with the palestinians is HELPFUL.

2. Info graphics (ik they've garnered a bad reputation among some people recently) can HELP.

3. Linking donation links by finding 20 mins of your life to search credible links in your bio is HELPFUL

4. Interacting with content from Gaza is HELPFUL.

5. Speaking up even once is HELPFUL.

Every 15 minutes a child dies in Gaza. It is a privilege for us to be able to close our phones and get away. People in Gaza do not have that. I URGE you to post at least once in solidarity and spread news.

Fadom is a safe space for many. I UNDERSTAND that many might not want to bring the real world into it, many might not want to take away that comfort. I understand. All im trying to do is motivate you to post at least once. Gazans themselves have urged us to help them win this information and proganda war that is going on against them. The crimes happening against them is not a war to win, it is simple genocide and ethinic cleansing. This is not a highly complicated situation. This is oppressor vs the oppressed.

We've all become so desentized to these words and to all the death toll numbers we forget how real they are. It is uncomfortable and sad but i urge you to let yourself understand the depth of these words and these numbers we're saying because palestinians are being brutalised as we speak.

Be brave. Be brave like the characters we adore. Please help.

I have always loved this fandom as a queer, person of colour living in a third world country. If you are among the people who are reluctant to speak up because palestine does not support queer rights i have this to say to you -

My country does not support lgbtq rights but im still here and so many queer people are here. WE ARE HERE. AND WE LOVE OUR COUNTRY. Because countries are not their governments. Country is the roots of the trees we plant, it is the food we eat, the family we embrace and the culture that we celebrate. Queer people of colour do not deserved to be left alone in times of crisis.

Palestinians do not have human rights.

They have had their HUMAN RIGHTS attacked for years since 1948. And currently they have no human rights at all. That is almost 75 years of the lack of basic rights.

Queer Palestinians exist. I used to know them. Some from this fandom. They're gone now. My friends are gone.

They didn't get the chance to see a future where their country acknowledged queer rights. They were too busy fighting for their basic human ones.

I wouldn't deserve to be left alone in a genocide.

They didnt either.

I urge you to say something. I urge you to be with the right side of history not just as people but also a fandom. So after many decades we can tell children and the youths, we were there in times of crisis and pain when a whole ethinicity was being wiped.

Because as a fandom we've always represented and celebrated our people of colour. We have stood by our marginalised groups. Our favourite characters were celebrated as people of colour.

And remember Jews are NOT doing this crime. Zionist settlers of Israel are. This is NOT a religious conflict. This is Israel genociding the Palestinian people.

To everyone who read to the end, if anyone has read this that is, thank you.

Free Palestine.

#maraduers #draco malfoy #remus lupin #wolfstar #jegulus raising harry #jegulus #jegulily #sirius black #lily evans #james potter #regulus black #drarry fanart #scorpius malfoy #marauders fanart #peter pettigrew #scorbus #the marauders era #marauders headcanon #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #slytherin #gryffindor #dorcas meadowes #dorcas x marlene #pandalily #dorlene #wolfstar fanart #jegulus fanart #fic rec #drarry dads

[witchlockmonsterfox]

Are you okay?

yeah im ok now i just had like an episode not because of the shrooms but because i got into a fight with someone. i also hadnt eaten in a very long time but i finally did. i just went into full lockdown mode of paranoia with my ipad playing on the bed as a distraction huddled up in the corner of a window in the dark watching.

i tried looking for resources but its just, suicide crisis hotlines, domestic violence hotlines, and chatlines for veterans with ptsd.

this isnt related but i keep saying this but i really think there needs to be more recognition of ptsd in response to things like drug addiction and poverty and oppression

there are no resources for these hardly. the people i relate to a lot weirdly are veterans (my judgment about the military aside). i feel like not only is there little recognition for what addicts have gone through as serious trauma, but there’s especially not enough for those who went through the peak of the opioid crisis (which later ended up being during an economic crisis too in 2008 when i was using), and no one ever thinks about like… all the black people who were affected by the “crack epidemic” or whatever in the 80s.

recovery from that was not the same as a war but i mean, a great friend of mine overdosed and died. i had to learn medical skills and deliver medicine and essential items and try to get people groceries. i had to save lives. i had to not get killed. i got assaulted twice. and then during recovery i was with a guy who abused me.

i often didnt talk about some of that with therapists but when i would try to talk about my trauma with addiction they would kind of shut me down, or it wasnt “okay” unless i basically told an NA sob story of recovery and how life was so great now. life was horrible. i was severely traumatized. i wasn’t allowed to tell jokes either, jokes that are just things drug addicts say or joke about talking about their experiences to relieve the stress of talking about it!

people treated me the same way — “i dont want to hear about it”. i understand addiction affects those around the addict but im sorry, it is the addict who suffers “worse”. i think if an addict is in recovery you should listen to them. i just think sometimes people get so obsessed with their own feelings these days they forget about other people. i am feeling that a lot lately. sometimes if you care about someone you have to listen to upsetting things they talk about.

i think people basically blame addicts for their trauma and believe they deserved it, and you see the same when poor people talk about poverty, and black people talk about oppression. i am not saying these are all the same situations, but the reaction from others is similar. it becomes a “blame game” to the other party.

i’m not sure where i was going with this… i am just always asking people to have more respect and compassion to those who are different than you, who have had or have wildly different lives, were systemically mistreated and abused, and recognize there’s big differences even amongst similar groups (like mentally ill people).

i notice there’s so much “boundary” talk these days and “my anxiety” with mentally ill people, particularly those who are white, and to me it feels privileged, especially when my boundaries are never asked or respected. what i went through even systemically?

there were no boundaries, no one cared, and i didnt even get the worst of it. one time i got full body restrained in an ER for 7 hours alone because i took seven klonopin (a benzodiazepine, i was NOT violent and it was NOT lethal nor was i trying to kill myself!) and they denied letting me even make a phone call. that’s just one example. the idea of telling staff about my boundaries and feelings and insisting they respect me sounds outright dangerous. they would abuse you further. i have trouble understanding it.

i’m not trying to be ableist, but i do think someone needs to say all this.

[torque-witch]

I think among other things I’m just realizing that by day 4 of working consecutive required hours I start getting angry, which is part privilege from being able to step away from non-freelance work over the last few years and part me not masking and ignoring my body pain and fatigue.

Some of that may also from being deconditioned over the last year from constant tachycardia and postural hypertension and needing to lay down a lot. I still have those symptoms at work, my body aches in ways it normally doesn’t. Although Im generally less anxious, I’m still experiencing mild panic and intrusive thoughts.

But it’s silly (in my head) to be feeling so bothered after like 12 hours of work when I used to do 50 a week. Of course, let’s not forget I would only take a shower twice a week and would get fevers a lot lol. So I’m trying to remind myself that it IS justified. I knew I needed to take a day off so I’m glad my boss let me pick the last shift for this week so I could chill today. And of course, my sleep was all over the place as a result.

But it is better. Since I’ve started working I’ve had significantly less phobia-specific nightmares, less intrusive thoughts, I’ve had a consistent real appetite, I am more productive. I don’t want to go to work, but I don’t dread it or feel negatively about it because I know I’ll get what needs to be done done and I’ll leave feeling accomplished and TOLD I’m a life saver on a daily basis.

#torquetalks #work talk

[lazaruspiss]

Justice League x RW/BY: Super Heroes and Huntsmen (Part One)

gonna be honest i kinda keep forgetting that this movie exists. the animation and music is very... rw/by. for better or for worse. corny quippy one liners. it's very corny. adding a cut bc this'll probably get a bit rambly.

AHHH THE FLASHBACK IS A STILL FRAME. the first thing to make me laugh wasnt even a joke it was the single still frame flashback. well. there was a slight zoom?

it's trying to be funny so bad its trying so hard. the serious dialogue is corny but could be worse. overall its better than the crossover comics? making the DC characters teenagers seems pointless.

oh god the dialogue is so hammy. the fists are hammed. weiss good and weiss dad bad yes i noticed. christ im only 8 minutes in. physically recoiling at some of the jokes. like its nothing jokes its nothinggg.

IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE BRUCE? he's been on screen for like 10 seconds and he already sounds and acts like "wealthy teenage tiktok star tries to pander to the less ~economically privileged~" and god it keeps going it hasnt even been a minute yet. did they make them teenagers bc otherwise bruce wouldve run off and found some little boy to help him solve everything without the help of anyone else. is that why. bc honestly yeah adult bruce is hard to write into a team setting.

bruce continues to be embarrassing but also. im learning that the still image flashbacks are just a thing thats gonna happen in this movie. style wise its very much a rw/by movie, so its just probably not gonna hit for me. its the kind of show i watched in middle school and grew out of by 8th grade. even then, my interest kind of started and ended with the character design and the basic world building elements. emphasis on basic, trying to understand the more in depth aspects is a bit of a waste of time.

oh and im still at the 10 minute mark. "ive already gone through all the other dc x rw/by content" i thought, "might as well watch the movies" i thought.

i think theyre trying to write bruce doing a smart detective thing? unfortunately rw/by is very bad at writing people doing smart things. 1) cant stand bruces voice in this 2) god hes so annoying and this whole scene is embarrassing to watch.

GAHH. THE SAME FLASHBACK FRAME CLARK HAD BUT ZOOMED OUT THIS TIME. true cinema. and i think theyre alluding to time travel as well as dimension travel, so even the rw/by girls get to have weird "we're not where we should be" flashbacks.

diana manhandles the small boy, fun. it also rife with required reading bc if you arent fully dedicated to keeping track of all rw/by lore then fuck you. these movies dont seem to require much DC knowledge but they cram in a lot of references to rw/by lore that i only know from video essays put out by ex-fans.

hey guys did u remember that yang is lesbian. pretty cool right? right?? this movie is going by so slow.

MARI IS THAT YOU?? and jess... girls u deserve a better movie. oh vic got braids? nice. also that joke was nothing. all the jokes are nothing.

the best jokes so far have been. the ones about how convoluted and hard to get into rw/by is. because of course. sigh. i do think the DC characters are better utilized and integrated than they were in the comics at least. seeing mari and jess get animated is really cool, and overall i like the redesigns. a few of the characters have commented on suddenly being deaged but mari's acknowledgement of it is the first to feel like a natural line of dialogue rather than exposition.

montage of bruce learning to use his bat powers so that they can get that out of the way before he joins the rest of the group. separate things that were already discussed being re-discussed so that we can have a "everyone talks at once scene". they. what. huh? they had a normal conversation that landed on "lets split into groups since theres enough of us to reasonably do that. then they have an argument which ends at the exact same conclusion.

are they really gonna have a "yang thinks diana is hot and blake gets jealous" plot line? really? and another love triangle. cy tries to ask nora to explain this worlds weapons, noras boyfriend(?) gets mad and then cy gets mad back and ends up being the one everyone gets upset with. it feels a bit. just. super uncomfortable. cy wasnt flirting he was just. talking to nora.

oh thank god that bit is over. now back to jess! possibly the most interesting character here. her design is probably my least favorite of the bunch tho, just because it feel a bit... too anime? it reminds me too much of my danganronpa phase, lol.

jaune doing plot device things. jess introspection. its not the most interesting thing but its better than uh. whatever happened with cy earlier. sorry im still thinking about that. i think they were just going for hormonal and temperamental teenager moment but it uh. came off weird.

plot twist everything was uh. void. ptsd monster things. the plots about to get convoluted isnt it.

diana is pretty decently fleshed out in this one. and it looks like they didnt lean into the diana being hot as a source of relationship conflict that much aside from a few jokes, thank god.

for fucks sake shut up jaune i dont care about your dead girlfriend.

back to the monster fighting group, dear god theyre doing one of those. 2 guys fight over girl who goes "umm i can take care of myself >:(". GOD SHUT UP. FUCK. ITS A JEALOUS LOVE TRIANGLE PLOT. please let this die sooner rather than later.

bruce describes everything that was just established. bruce is emo. weiss tries to be nice. then back to jess and jaune. "i didnt realize how much i miss this place" yeah well i sure dont miss it. oh pyrra, however your name is spelled, you were the only character death that meant anything. now if only they didnt degrade her story into being all about jaune even in death.

have weiss and bruce just been on the computer this whole time. at least they eventually get a fight scene. lesbians to the rescue time. stuff and things. i still dont care and jaune. fuckin. creator self insert ass. he was originally comic relief/audience surrogate but turned into way too much of a main character. god jess deserves her own movie.

weiss please stop trying to recruit him this is just embarrassing. is this gonna be a whole thing? bruce deciding between earth and remnant? and god you cant put anime style gags in the middle of a serious scene. oh god theyre making bruce insecure about not having powers like the rest of the league. man who could've seen that coming. christ theres still 20 minutes left. FUCK AND A WHOLE SECOND MOVIE.

jess remains the coolest bitch in this movie. god why couldnt it be a jess green lantern movie.

lesbians on motorcycles, blah blah fight scene. oh god we're pretending batman is cool. fake flash? wheres real barry then :/ christ. they think this is a cool twist. tho possessed barry is pretty fun. god the actual canon explanation for making them teens was bc kilg%re figured the hormones would make them easier to fuck with.

obligatory "even teens can be leaders" speech. the determination of humanity or whatever.

HAAA BRUCE AND BARRY MORSE CODE COMMUNICATION. ok thats cute.

so smth smth final battle but theres a mysterious second bad guy so that they still have content for a second movie. i like how they show vixen's powers, that parts fun. jess does main character thing and kills big bad. bruces conflict about going home is resolved. cy goes and makes amends with nora and guy who likes nora, despite guy who likes nora being the one to cause all the conflict in the first place. they make the go home portals. set up for next movie.

#the rw/by stuff

[spiderwing-nightman]

I finally watched The Defenders

So I've been trying to get through the defenders shows for a bit and I finally watched the entirety of The Defenders (the crossover show) and I was writing my reactions and some of these are pretty funny so im gonna put them here (a lot of them are about matt because he's easy to make fun of and a lot fo the Danny ones are bullying him because he's Danny)

Ok but the real question is: who’s stronger, jess or Luke?

I forget what an idiot season 2 matt is because im used to how much of a mess season 3 matt is

Yknow what this is exactly the shit Jess would get involved in, I’m honestly the most confused about how Luke gets involved

Oh my god Matthew, has a 10 minute conversation w Karen and IMMEDIATELY has to go to confessional

"forgive me father for I have sinned it's been 3 days since my last confession" MATtHEW

Did I know Elektra was coming back? Yes. Was I still like oh my god Elektra when she did? Also yes

Matty you cannot fight crime in your lawyer suit

It has been zero days since Matty’s last incident

Lmao foggy staging an intervention

Matt should under NO circumstances be jess’ lawyer, they would become friends and be HORRIBLE influences to each other, like the amount of chaos that duo would cause, we had better pray for New York

NO ONE is having Danny’s bs

Matt and Jessica r menaces to society

Jessica could’ve definitely made it as an actress

Matt is literally the only one who wears a costume, he’s so dramatic

Can’t believe it took them 3 episodes to meet

Matthew  (I should provide context but saying his name in a judgmental way always applies)

Its time like these that I remember Charlie Cox is British

So far this show has been everyone going “who the fuck are you and how do you know these things” at Matt and Matt just going “don’t worry about it, I just do”

Alexandra should have an accent

“The iron fist and his allies” Danny is their least important/useful member

“Scarf looked better, nice ears” “they’re horns” Jessica really destroyed him in 5 words

Go cry about it Danny

Jessica and Matt r a great duo, meanwhile Luke is having none of Danny 

Jessica googled matt lmao, Jessica and Matt r also best friends

Goddammit stick

Awww Danny still cares about Luke, how nice (honestly I love Danny and Lukes dynamic just a little)

“oUr SoLe FoCuS iS tO lOcAtE tHe SuBsTaNcE”

“His name is Mathew, and my name is Elektra Nachios and you work for me now” *cuts her head off* “any questions?” oh mYGOD

Lmao love the opening scene of episode 7 w the entire team passed out and stick dead with the great music playing in the background

God I love misty

Oh my god matt in an nypd tee shirt, he would have a heart attack if he knew

Matt is really going through it isn’t he (just constantly but in this show in particular he’s going through it a lot more than like everyone else)

“Matt you need to take a breath, you sound insane” when doesn’t he

“ATTORNEY CLIENT PRIVILEGE” OH MY GOD “a witness? What you want me to describe how the scene sounded” I can’t he is SUCH

“There is no plan” “I can tell” Lmao 

Jessica just keeps destroying them all

Foggy thank you for being the only person with any common sense here

Misty needs to stop taking cases that will make or break her career 

These dumb idiots left ALL of their wallets?? Come on

I have never seen a subway THAT empty

Karen, matt does not go a single place he doesn’t want to

“Whatever this thing is, when it’s done, I tHiNk We’Ll GeT mAtT bAcK” yeah okay foggy (this is so funny when you’ve seen season 3 of daredevil)

“Wait a minute where’s the chic with the sword” misty never gets a break

LMAO MATT IN THE SUIT NEXT TO JESS AND LUKE IN NORMAL CLOTHES IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN “There it is again”

This is such a trip, I looked away for two minutes and the next thing I know theres fire

“Lets go do something crazy” Luke that is exactly what you’ve been doing this entire time

“IF what Jessica says is true” Trish? Do you honestly think it isn’t?

“I’m glad you’re here” “…..what” “yknow under the circumstances im glad I found you” “im not hugging you” Lmao the dynamic between matt, Jessica, and Luke is brilliant

“I don’t want to fight you….. alone” *daredevil swings in* oh my god 10/10 this was so funny 

Mathew, I know you love her, but now is not the time

Omg Jessica also learned how to play nice

Of course matty had to go and have a building fall on him cause he was kissing a girl 

Foggy you cannot ACTUALLY believe matt is dead, you literally saw aliens come from the sky

#Matthew murdock #daredevil #Jessica jones #Danny rand #Luke cage #the defenders

[reinapantera]

Let's stop uncertainties and fears, let's embark on this aimless path, maybe it won't come out of the most beautiful love stories but maybe ours will.

My Latest work Zahra x King Desha...

King Desha. I want to try it again... but I feel... I was feeling too happy and got scared...

Zahra. [Look from down his throne directly to his eyes and again to the floor, no word, no answer]

King Desha. Is this the silent treatment [He smiled and sign] ... I knew this would end bad [exalted] I let my self go.... with this... Before was tolerable but now I feel my stomach empty, my chest! I FEEL MY CHEST TIGHT [high tone] [them he sits back and puts his hand on his face] We, we can be partners like you know friends... have a friendship... yes yeees

Zahra. [She look straight to his eyes] Friends you sure about that? I can be a friend of course I can [sarcastic]

King Desha. [That poker face yeah that one] yes...

Zahra. Cause I can be that, a friend Just a friend!

King Desha. I mean... yes [insecure from where this is going] only a friend... we can still...

Zahra. Still?

King Desha. Let me finish WOMEN!! [Scream with open harms] we can still share time together ❤... Like in the beginning... I want you around [sudden interruption]

Zahra. I have always been clear... I live in different kingdoms and leave... [Look straight to Desha's eyes] when we begin to share our time and step back from you [Zahra told Desha, I don't have a home "Meaning she can leave at anytime" I want to clarify this cause I don't want to be played..] WHAT!? were your words?

King Desha. I wanted you to feel my home your home... give me the opportunity to know you... Let's conquer each other weaknesses...

Zahra. I can be your friend but ONLY your friend! Is that what you really want I be your friend! [She sadly laughed] There won't be no conquer between you and me...

King Desha. [Feeling his chest tightly and tight throat] [thinking to himself "I did told her that because that's how I feel... If... I... , I feel that way, she will leave eventually... she's telling me that right now... that she's leaving...🥺 she want to end this completely... Can I bear her to leave, I never got to conquer her heart completely 😔 she's like she doesn't care] I... do...

Zahra. I will stay in the Underworld your Kingdom my king to finish the residence of citizenship for the underworld, Umm I should keep on living here... [Let me see those eyes once more from down here... I'm gonna miss him... But I deny myself to be use as a emotional lover tool, IM TOO OLD FOR THAT SHIEET]

King Desha. Yes ... yes YOU DONT HAVE PRIVILEGE ON THAT!!! [Laugh sarcastically] You have to stay the according amount of time [Yes yes that would be enough time to fix our relationship, Why I'm so insecure with her... I know she hurt now I feel so dumb WAR IS EASIER THAN LOVE G0DAMMID ]

Zahra. Now that we are just friends...

King Desha. No

Zahra. What?

King Desha. No, forget that...

Zahra. I can't! [Sees directly to his eyes]

King Desha. You THINK that you can summit me to you.... By looking at me ... with those ambers you have there....

Zahra. I don't know you tell me "FRIEND" would you let me summit someone else [Desha open his eyes wide open]

King Desha. No!

Zahra. Umm [Continue] with my amber eyes.... NOT that I fancy someone but I guess That you're free from me [Sarcastically smirk] so I'm free from you... ?

King Desha. No

Them Zahra goes directly to him eyes widely open and recite:

Zahra. [In a sad tone] 😔 That's how I realized that I was only living a fantasy and I realized that I was in love with the protagonist of my own story

Originally was made for another thought but well I change my mind...

Así me di cuenta que solo vivía una fantasía p ies me di cuenta que estaba enamorada del protagonista de ni propio cuento /That's how I realized that I was only living a fantasy and I realized that I was in love with the protagonist of my own story

Dejemonos de incertidumbres y miedos, emprendamos este camino sin rumbo quizás no salga de las más bellas historias de amor pero quizá la nuestra si. / Let's stop uncertainties and fears, let's embark on this aimless path, maybe it won't come out of the most beautiful love stories but maybe ours will.

#reinapantera #ousama ranking #oc #ousama ranking oc #ousama ranking bojji #king desha #king desha love #desha love story #desha #prince ouken #人兽 #スパイファミリー #デスハー

[bananaman-pdf]

k im back. fourteen

okay so theyre doing it. escaping to go home with maven! bonding moment ahead, i can feel it.

oh wait cal is coming with them? aaaaand weve got ourselves an obligatory awkward moment where the protagonist catches one of the guys bare-chested™. sigh. well whatever. girls be thirsty ig. lets point out how hes got a bruise near his heart?? is he okay?? i suppose he is but ouch.

cal. cal, you adorable man. what are you so nervous about?

oh wait so maven asked cal to help mare go to her home. ohhhhh. that makes sense.

cal obviously thinks its a bad idea but mare takes no shit. she wants to go home. so cal agrees. i should mention how adorably funny mares excitement is. like a toddler lmao.

maven isnt coming :(

MARE HUGGED HIM AAAA

But just because he isn’t coming doesn’t mean I will forget what he’s done for me already.

mare your soul is beautiful.

shes feeling more comfortable with them!

…but this mightve been immediately regressed as soon as she saw the war armor. and also the books on war tactics- i wanna point out they are written in a language called “Common” of norta, the lakelanders and piedmont?? -but back to mare, shes clearly Not In Board with this. she sees the war as the lives of many reds being lost for the silvers benefit.

its also implied that cal was expecting to play chess with maven. im pretty sure its chess.

she catches a glance at scars on his back. he keeps them despite having access to healers to tend to them. this is interesting. since he is shown to be the type to see past his own glamorous life and privilege, im guessing he keeps them as a reminder of his peoples suffering. maybe hes trying to connect with the people he knows little to nothing about, and thats why he also sneaks out pretending to be red.

they leave, and cal leads her to a… basement storage room. im genuinely confused why are there weird metal shapes that move in here. mare is suddenly passive-aggressively complainig about his huge armor closet. i get that shes mad at how close hes to the whole war tactic planning but… its not like hes got much choice is it.

he responds honestly saying he doesnt want to wear armor when he bring her to her family as to not make them feel threatened i suppose?

“[…] We don’t want your family getting the wrong idea, do we?”

“What idea do we want them to get? I don’t think I’m exactly allowed to introduce you properly.

mares got a good point. honestly i just assumed they were gonna have a walk around the stilts and see her acquaintances and loved ones from afar. wouldnt going to her home and talking to her parent require a plan or an explanation that isnt “ive been betrothed to one of the princes because they found out i have powers. oh yeah, i have powers! neat huh? so as i was saying, ill have to pretend to be a princess for the rest of my life and this might be the last time i get to see you all.”

oh ok so theyll pretend they took mare in to work for the royals like at the beginning and cal will be her ride. oh yeah cal has a motorbike which is cool as shit. but also… if this werent a fantasy universe this would look hella cliché.

he built it- yeah ok that is pretty damn awesome.

mare hesitates at first but obviously gives in and puts the helmet on. she wants to go home, damnit.

she got so nervous she held onto him so hard he had to pry her off. and i mean, its her first time on a bike obviously shed be pretty scared.

also she missed his warmth as soon as she let go. makes sense that shed be at least a little touch starved. aw.

mare takes the chance to ask him, in her own way (making remarks about how often he does this and all), why he wants to hang out in red bars rather than his luxurious palace. he comments that hes going to be king one day and doesnt get to be selfish. mare points out the king should be the only one who does. and it mqkes sense cause thats how she sees it. the only way shes known how to live is stealing and risking her life. and shes seen the silvers get everything they need and want. it has frustrated her understandably.

cal finally answers. the king should know his people. yeah i called it. makes sense! he wants to empathize with them. hes doing what he can. hes trying to be a good leader. to see what the world is like instead of being told how it is by everyone else.

“[…] My father does everything he can to keep us safe, and so will I.”

“My world is already in ruin,” […] “Your father keeps your people safe, not mine.”

ouch. but true.

cal tells her that it would cost them they alliance to other kingdoms. that theyd be tron apart by them. which… makes sense. but mare believes its possible to make it better. that norta could be the start.

the conversation dies as they make it to her home. cal waits outside bc he noticed how nervous mare was, the sweetheart, but she tells him to join anyway. they go in she and wakes up his brothers bree and tramy first. mom and dad join in as they notice whats going on. everyone is happy to seer her. well. gisa only pokes her head out. and wheres shade??

they congratulate her on getting a job, and comment that the story for the brothers discharge and their full pension was a lottery they won.

Up above us, Gisa scoffs. […] “Yes, we’re very lucky,”

poor girl. shes lost her hand for all these things to happen. it feels more like a trade than actual luck to her. she gives mare the cold shoulder and asks about cal. which is a bit hurtful but… fair, from her point of view.

dad know hes not from around there. cal quickly makes up a story of how hes from harbor bay and changes his accent which i gotta admit, good quick thinking! he comments how the servants travel a lot, which prompts her mom to be horrified. mare remarks that its good money. i mean its definitely better than stealing, from their point of view mares doing an honest attempt at working.

bree is suspicious and makes a comment about liking kilorn better. lmao.

oh fuck. is shade dead???

“He tried to run away. He was executed. Beheaded.”

holy shit. dude. things are getting real.

mare is so angry shes making lightbulbs buzz. guess the act is about be up.

she makes a mess, cal cant get to her and everyone already knows. mare angry because they found out shade was in the scarlet guard. and yeah, thats more likely. before she looses herself completely, though, kilorn comes in. he snaps her out of it.

but obviously the bug secret is out. and at first kilorn think it was the silvers doing, but she tells him its just her. he acts like shes a complete stranger despite her family clearly stating that she is red. cmon dude, shes going through a lot and you decide to pull that?

“Give me a knife and I’ll settle this right now,” I say, glaring back at him. “I’ll show you what color I bleed.”

she clearly means it, dude, stop that.

she explains everything. leaving out mr jacos’ findings, bc cal is there. she points out she doesnt know if theyll ever understand how or why she is the way she is. and i mean yeah, its one hell of an exception. she breaks the “rules”.

cal pretends to be a bodyguard now, and tells her its time to go. her whole family thankfully agrees to keep the secret, but kilorns fucking mad for some reason.

mare and cal leave, and he tries to comfort her about shade, but shes so close to loosing it she stops him, saying she needs to make one last stop.

its to wills!! she goes there to tell him everything, but he already knows somehow??

oh, some dude named tristan, also from the guard told him. shit, wills got some acquaintances, doesnt he?

tristan nearly bolts when he learns one of the princes is outside. of course he would! killing or kidnapping a prince? holy shit! he calls her a silver for “protecting him” but mare points out that cals pretty damn good at defending himself using his fire.

she makes her reason for presence there clear: shades dead because of the guard and she wants to use her princess privilege to help the cause. nice, short and sweet. and absolutely perfect to kick in some plot.

she shakes hands with will and seals the deal. shes in deep now. and im a delighted by finally seeing what i came in for.

so yeah, she goes back with cal thinking abt how theyre enemies now. and how weird it is that theyre both so nice to her. him and maven. i also wonder why. they both grew up surrounded by people that hate reds. how are they so tolerant?

when theyre about to leave on the sick motorbike ohmygod kilorn shows up. he better be here to say sorry.

no, hes just here to be sad about mare leaving. i mean of course he is. they were besties. he wants her to stay. cal has to step in to intimidate him just slightly to let go. im glad he didnt have to do anything too harsh. and that he tried to keep his composure as best as possible.

“You bargained for me too, to save me from conscription,”

yeah! so understand shits not cheap!

and as they leave kilorn says hell tell farley she said hello. oh god hes gonna join the guard too.

#many things happen…. #red queen first read #mare barrow #kilorn warren #prince maven #prince cal?? #prince calore?? #god why is he named after his father

[neverdying-d-e-a-d]

ohgod wjat was that.

hey why do i actively try to burn away and forget my past?

why dont i make an appointment with a therapist already?

i mean

i cant now

what if someone hears me?

...

i n s t i

tu t i o n

a l i z e d

what's that mean?

oh rock music, we're really in it now

okay, its not cool to make portraits of sadness and to self victimize

i dont feel like a victim

i feel like i deserve it all

what

do i mean anything that i write?

i really hope that i don't

or do

eugh

so confusing i'm about to cry

at what point does depression start to become going insane?

is it the same?

eugh..

i mean isnt it insane to want to kill someone? suicidal thoughts?

....

whaaatever.

i have enough love for myself and more

i just wanna talk about the war

._.

it's fucked up

feels redundant to say

but i think im allowed to say obvious things

im allowed to say whatever i want, as long as i think im a good person. right?

sometimes i wish i had parents that taught me to really use my brain

get the thoughts straight

okay

your name is [____ __________]

you feel

uhhh awe shit.

you feel

you feel confused

how are you feeling?

im feeling great.

okay.

your name is [_ _]

you feel

something is wrong

in your head

in the world

in the world

or

no, in your head

or

no, nothings wrong, there is no good or bad or

no, yes there is, you know good from bad.

or, no thats not true wisdom

or, no, thats common knowledge

true wisdom is foolish

or

i always end up knowing nothing

or

um

no, yeah.

your name is ()

you know nothing

you feel light and slightly confused and you feel like if you articulate it well enough you can understand it, you feel convinced

you feel shame remembering that guy feel up your thighs

you feel turned on

noooo you dont. dont kid yourself.

you feel turned on at the idea of you feeling turned on.

you feel basically only real attraction towards yourself

and some men

and

dont tell me youre afraid of women now, too? just because it was a girl what made you so weird as a kid?

point is.

that guy. you liked using him. you wanna hurt him. i honestly dont feel bad about that but i feel like i should

okay, i do

hes a person

so cute too.

but what a rotten little boy

god, its always the lonely emo boys

three times now

ive gotta get scarier, scare them off

no, that. eugh. only attracts them

other boys like boobed people who are non threatening

but those boys...

um

when was the last time you gave one of those boys a real chance? haha.

.

.

.

am i the problem?

sure, why not

....

i dont wanna talk to boys. women. i like women. boys

men and women are basically the same to me i just fear violence and well

....

im not crazy for feeling unsafe around men, am i?

....

i really wish i could ask someone who knows about this

like say, a therapist

eughhh.

im dying

writing is making me feel worse i should go to bed

i dont wanna have a bad dream

but

its okay to do things that scare you

but

it feels different to be in the middle of it all but

but

but

but i live in america

because

because

because my grandfather's editing team are dead

guns bought that ticket

and now im a privileged white british scumbag

living with black mold

maybe thats whats making me feel like this honestly

god i just wanna move somewhere clean

somewhere clean

will this poetry will make me sound insane because it's not beautiful

not worth it to care honestly

i still dont feel better

nono, lets try

im feeling better slowly

yes slowly

quicker now im finally feeling good

no.

im gonna take allergy medication and drop out of college and die on the street

im not really afraid

i dont deserve anything more or less

... right?

#tw suicide ideation #tw suicide #um #idk what else to tag just dont hurt me for this and tell me what you want sorry #another poem

[bewoken]

tdlr: my white family doesn’t understand race, racism, and it’s nuances and they make it my problem.

so, as a black person that has lived with the white side of my family my whole life, i can say that it is exhausting. i lived my whole life with a ‘color blind’ family who still said racial slurs and made race jokes but it was never about black people so it ok to them.

that’s a big reason as to why i never said anything when people at school would say racist things to me. i thought it was normal because of the things my white family said about asian or latino people or anyone who wasn’t white.

i never got that talk about how basically the whole world is going to hate me because of my skin and my hair so i didn’t know what racism was until someone called me a co*n in middle school. so i went home and looked up what it meant and i saw that it was a slur. a racial slur said to me because i’m black.

i was 12-13 when i first realized people said things to me at school or gave me looks in public, not because of normal bullying or whatever, but because i was black.

and now that i’m older and lost all my friends because i wouldn’t let them say the n-word and have learned more about racism and discrimination and that them uncomfortable.

my white family doesn’t understand. they don’t get that i can’t just pretend racism doesn’t exist. they don’t get why i tell them off for saying something racist or why i stopped being friends with certain people. because for them, it’s just politics. they can forget politics at the door because so much of it isn’t going to affect them. their lives aren’t being debated every other day live poc and queer people’s are.

they don’t talk about certain things infront of me anymore because they know i’ll disagree. it’s all small talk and surface level conversations and that’s how it’s going to be.

there was a time when i was guilted into apologizing to my one grandma for something she did to me. she made me uncomfortable by shoving her hand into my hair while my back was turned and i was sitting in the floor but i had to apologize to her. she got upset that i told her to not touch my hair without asking me first and i did say because im black.

i used to let people do whatever they wanted when i was in school because i didn’t want to be seen as the angry black girl that can’t take a joke. but now i’m proudly that angry black person who can’t take a joke because those weren’t jokes. it was you doing something to make your friends laugh and i was the butt of it. im not letting people touch me without my permission anymore but apparently that was too much for her to handle.

even my 14 year old white cousin tried to her why i didn’t want her touching my hair but grams cried to her about it anyways. and she wouldn’t look me in the eyes for the rest of the day.

then she want crying to my aunt, who i live with and she came down hard on me, guilting me into apologizing.

i apologized but i really just told her that i’m sorry she felt that way but i set a boundary and i hoped she could respect that. she never replied back to that message but she’s great at making people feel bad for her.

there was also the time that i wanted to go see wakanda forever with my black brother, just us so we could get a little bit of some black culture in our majority white community and my aunt flipped. not at me, but to my brother. she told him that it was racist and that i can’t want to be apart of their lives and not want to share my culture with them. but she had no problem with us going to see sm: no way home without anyone else.

we had a talk after that, about why i wanted to see the movie with just my brother but she didn’t get it. she kept trying to tell me that we keep all of the racial differences out of the house and whatever, but off course she has the privilege to say that. she isn’t the one going on social media and seeing people that look like her getting beat and raped and killed just for looking like her.

it’s so hard trying to explain these things to people who will never understand. especially those who don’t want to understand.

#racisim #race #white people #discrimination #politics

[one-abuse-survivor]

tw verbal abuse & possible neglect mention

i think my dad was verbally abusive to me and both of my parents were like, kinda neglectful towards me in some ways. and honestly, its not happening so much anymore, mostly bc i stopped talking to both of my parents for the most part and i go to therapy as well so my dad is scared to talk to me (bc he's uncomfortable that i go to therapy) and my mom talks to me but only a little (bc she thinks its her fault i 'have to' go to therapy).

but even though the neglect and verbal abuse isn't going on so much anymore, i still have to live with them (bc im severely disabled) and it just still hurts. like i don't know how to STOP the hurting. especially now that i can actually think 'yeah that was probably abusive yeah that was probably neglect' it HURTS, it fucking tears me up inside. like how could you do that, why would you do that. and technically, my mom didn't abuse me, i think she neglected me some, but i also think some of that was out of her control. but i also dont think i can forgive her for standing by while my dad was verbally abusing me-like she would be right there, mostly just ignoring it bc while she thought it was rude, she didn't think he was wrong and she didn't want to argue with him, so she would just let him tear me down. and neither of them apologized or anything, they just mostly dont talk to me anymore.

i just. it hurts. i don't know how to make it stop hurting and i hate it. i hate that i have to deal with this when its not even my FAULT, like i didn't ask for them to do this to me. they didn't apologize, they don't even really think they were wrong but im the only one going to therapy and the only one considered broken and im supposed to forgive and forget but i just hurt all the time and no one gives af. im sorry for ranting, i just so tired. i wondered if you have any advice for working on NOT hurting so much, on healing after being hurt by your parents even if they aren't apologizing or anything?

I'm Jax btw.

Hey, Jax!

I'm glad to hear you're going to therapy. This situation sounds really complicated and really unfair to you. You're right, none of this is your fault, and it sucks that you're the one who has to deal with all of this hurt now when they were the ones who hurt you. I'm glad you could express some of that hurt here, at least.

I'm not sure I have any useful advice, because I've been privileged enough to be able to unpack my trauma away from my abuser. I'm not sure I would've been able to work through my pain while still sharing a roof with her.

What I can say is that, while I think it's a good idea to look for ways to help you process your hurt so it becomes less painful, I really hope you know that you shouldn't be expected to "forgive and forget" and just be fine. You're still actively living with the people who abused and neglected you, and they continue to deny it ever happened. They haven't apologised for hurting you and they're not trying to be better. So, please, don't beat yourself up for continuing to show and feel signs of trauma. It's okay to not be able to fully heal—and it would be really unfair to expect you to, given your circumstances.

All that being said, I can list some exercises that have helped me personally process and overcome some of my hurt, in case they might be helpful:

Writing down a list of all the separate emotions I feel when I'm feeling hurt (anger, sadness, fear, hatred, disgust...) and then writing down in a paragraph what each separate emotion is saying in my head, in order to give it a voice and the space to exist. (After doing this a couple of times, my therapist suggested adding one last voice called "self-care" and writing down what such a voice would say if it was present in my head, and it helped).

Assigning each of my emotions a colour and painting abstract colour blobs, pouring out all the different emotions (and the ways they intertwine) on the paper.

Writing fictional stories that explore trauma and recovery in-depth.

Reclaiming the "abuse survivor" label and talking openly about my trauma (with people's consent, without trauma-dumping).

My new therapist is also going to guide me through an exercise on processing anger on our next session, so I might share my experience with that eventually, if I find it useful. Maybe it can help others! Especially if you already have a therapist you can suggest this exercise to.

Does anyone have any other advice for Jax?

Take care ❤️

#ask #Jax anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Verbal abuse tw #Neglect #neglect tw #Vent #Abusive parents #Therapy mention

[carnifcrous]

could you give me a rundown on what being gender critical is? i get the basics i think but if you don’t mind explaining your views?

oh boy anon i’ll sure try!! idk if im the best person to talk about it tbh and ive confused a lot of people trying to explain my views before ahfjkfh but ill try REALLY hard to keep my adhd ass in check lmfao. if theres anything i said thats confusing & you need cleared up feel free to @ me againi dont know how long gender critical has existed as a concept, but i wouldnt be surprised if it was developed as a reaction to a certain VERY vocal part of the trans movement/trans rights activists

(so when you talk to people (trans ppl) about gender i think people usually break it down into several a few categories: gender identity, gender roles, and gender expression. i think most trans people are aware of & separate their sex from their gender identity, the identity being something innately part of every person, the roles generally speaking the bullshit that society expects & should be rejected, and gender expression really just being the traditional “feminine” or “masculine” behaviors/dress you use regardless of your innate identity.in trans circles/lgbt (merch, lol) sites i’ve seen the phrase passed around “gender is a social construct.” i think trans people who do/used to say that meant it kind of like that since gender was created by societies so it doesn’t matter how you identify/why not expand the understanding of gender (ergo, non-binary genders getting popularized). i think this fell out of popularity because it was transppls attempt to validate ourselves and conservatives cant wrap their mind around social constructs are/the distinction between sex and gender and so it wasnt really working out lmfaobut now there’s been some scientific studies getting popularized that have Suggested the existences of male & female brains and that trans ppl have the brain of their identified gender, therefore the disconnect between their brain and their body manifests as gender dysphoria. (i think the transmed community has especially taken to this idea esp because of kalvin garrah discovering these studies & now kind of preaching them as facts & science. with this comes him, his friends, and all the transmed ppl who stan him ryan and london saying that Gender Isnt Socially Constructed)then theres the posts circling around here saying Transwomen Are Women/Real Women + when the women’s march happened in america after trump got elected, i saw quite a few things on facebook where ppl were saying that all the talk of vaginas and shit were transphobic and trans-exclusionary and they should keep in mind that not all women have vaginas, etc etcthen u have what i believe (or at least hope) are outliers in the trans community being dug up (usually transwomen) who say........ The Most ridiculous shit imo. like saying theyre more of a woman than ciswomen (i’ll use cis strictly to mean not-trans in the context of this post), transwomen claiming theyre having a period, and just in general perpetuating “cotton ceiling” stuff like lesbians just needing to get over their transphobia to be with a pre-op transwoman. (again i would like to reiterate i DO NOT believe this is what the majority of transpeople believe, its just a vocal minority thats gotten attention from receipt blogs IMO.))**sorry that this post is already becoming an essay and if its derailing from the question, but this is what i think gender critical stuff is meant to react toso kind of in opposition to mainstream ideas of what gender is, i think radfems/gender critical people dont really break down gender into the different things like identity, roles and expression. from my understanding, gender was socially constructed based on sex stereotypes. i think we can all agree that stereotypes are Bad, so why should we identify with some set stereotypes?

the gender critical beliefs is that there’s not right or wrong way to be male or female (male and female in this post meaning to strictly refer to biological sex). gender is holding us back by continuing to subscribe to sex stereotypes and is counterproductive to building a society where people are free to express themselves however they like. (a lot of gender critical ppl equate gender identity with personality, and while i think this can sometimes be the case w nondysphoric people & mogai genders, it isn’t always and usually isnt, because as i mentioned before, a lot of ppl know enough to say that gender expression is something independent of gender identity.)as for my personal take on it & how it plays a part of my life (apologies that this is going to get super anecdotal):this all is related to my own transition. since questioning being trans, i fluctuated between different non-binary identities. i didnt think i was Trans Enough to call myself a transmale because i didnt want to kill myself over not having a penis (or even trans enough to call myself trans at all lol), so i thought i needed to stay as being nb. then i realized they/them pronouns did...... nothing for me. the whole time i had she/they/he or they/he in a profile i was always secretly hoping someone would just call me he lol.

but i felt like i was an insult to REAL transmen. it took me a while to realize that i didnt care too much about the specifics, i just needed to do what made me happy. that happiness was being read as male & using he/him pronouns.

but even then id still struggle. id have moments of thinking that i was just copying my best friend (who had a similar nb -> binary transmale path as me), or that i didnt even feel like a boy, that i was STILL faking being trans, that i should feel more of x y & z, that id made a mistake with starting testosterone, etc. reading radfem/gender critical stuff used to trigger the fuck out of me lmfao.i think what i eventually realized for myself and the sentiment other gender critical transppl share is that i was setting up an expectation/standard for myself that was impossible to attain. with mainstream gender theory, a cisman and i share our gender identity, our gender is the same (”cis” as its used to “identifying with your biological sex”). the thing is though, in terms of sex/gender, theres nothing i find that i have comparable to a male. i dont act like a “man” because im not one, im a TRANSman. ive lived most of my life so far as female and being socialized that way has been significant to me. i relate a lot to women and its always felt wrong to me how suddenly because im transitioning it felt to me like i was expected to revoke my right to speak on feminism/womens experiences. way before i discovered gender critical things i was pissed off at people trying to be “allies” to transpeople saying shit like “all men are trash transmen are real men so theyre trash too uwu!” like. fuck that. and fuck you for insinuating i would EVER treat a woman the way that men do.

like i know there are transmen (and just transppl in general, for that matter), who try to overcompensate with misogyny/misogynistic ideas because they think itll help them pass better but fuck

anyway. im proud of being a natal female and being socialized that way. being trans isnt exactly a party but im glad i could get the insight i have into the treatment of women and so forth. and the thing is, this isnt a contradiction to me being trans at all. once i let go of whether or not i was “male enough” of “valid” as a boy, i could once again just focus on the very concrete evidence in my life: i was EXTREMELY dysphoric about my chest. i’ve been on hrt for almost two years now and ive had top surgery. my dysphoria is almost non-existent since ive had surgery. i dont mind & even get excited about all the changes coming from being on testosterone. (dont like that i cant sing like i used to and that i’ll probably end up balding at least by my 50s if my dads head is any indication, but cismen have this problem too so whatever)

also ive never felt quite right when i was calling myself gay (exclusively attracted to men). i share some issues that gay men might, i Can be affected by homophobia because i Do pass as male, but its still not 100% the same experience and i think that distinction is importantmy concerns & how being gender critical is important to me:

me coming out as trans was a process over time. using the usual trans rhetoric, i was having difficulties explaining myself to people. specifically im thinking about my mom. when i said i was uncomfortable with being seen as a girl, she said she was uncomfortable too. she liked dressing more like a boy. some other shit she said too that i dont remember, but my basic takeaway: cispeople, particularly ciswomen, arent necessarily enthusiastically identifying with their correlated gender to their sex, because..... no reasonable person likes gender roles.

and i get worried about people like my mom who might be encouraged to identify as nonbinary just because theyre gender non-conforming. the identity itself wouldnt be much of a problem except that it seems to me like its being pretty normalized for nonbinary people to just kind of....... experiment with medical transitioning to try to achieve some Ideal androgynous form that would be.... Very difficult to achieve. i worry about people not thinking medical transitioning is a big deal and just kind of.... disregarding all the potential health consequences, how powerful testosterone is as a hormone, and so on. with the permanent changes that come people THEN end up experiencing dysphoria and life is.... really pretty difficult for detransitioned women from what i can tell, and a lot of people talk about how theres been a spike of people detransitioning lately.

i think part of the problem is 1. transmed/truscum people harassing & bullying nondysphoric trans-identified people, so they feel the need to medically transition to Prove Themselves and 2. just in general the aforementioned idea that everyone has a gender identity. i think itd be very uncommon for people to “identify” as cis, and so you get this whole mess of people thinking they need an androgynous body to match their androgynous identity......... etc.

bonus: my mom crying on her birthday because she said she didnt think shed be able to ever see me as a guy. “nonbinary, maybe, but you dont act like a boy.” problem solved, i dont act like a guy, i act like a transguy!!

also again, need to reiterate that i cant relate to men. i can never Become Male, not with our current technology. i was not socialized as male and thats okay!! its okay because im just doing what i need to in order to be comfortable with my body and myself. i dont need to worry about my dating pool seeing me as a Real Man because they can see me fully as the transman i am and my relationship with being a natal woman and just, shit like that. ive gotten a lot more comfortable with even being called she when it does happen (by accident by family members). its not a swear word to me and ive let go of a lot of expectations i thought i had to meet with being uncomfortable talking about my female organs and my past as living as a woman etc etc. im not trying to Be anything anymore. im just trying to live as myself

some of my issues with the gender critical community just as a disclaimer:

i have a lot honestly and im not going to be able to name them all off the top of my head

makes sense that it would be, but i think the community is rampant with transphobia in the sense of flattening transpeople to the “transcult” stereotype where they just..... dont seem to think of us as individuals. they think we’re all genderists getting triggered by misgendering & demanding our pronouns. they think all of us are “delusional” about our natal sex. they think we’re all gender conforming. they dont take dysphoria seriously in general, ESPECIALLY males experiencing dysphoria (i get that your feminism doesnt have to be concerned with “men” but come on). misgendering is just disrespectful to me (idgaf about rapists, whatever use whatever pronouns you feel the need for those people.)

just in general some people dont get that trans people can still exist in a post-gender world? and you can still be critical of gender while respecting people’s pronouns? by their very nature i think the transmed, radfem, and especially gender critical communities are attractive to bullies so you have those flocking to it, and thats an issue but... yeah.

this answer has gone on long enough and im really sorry anon im sure you didnt sign up to read a 13 page essay. i just got lost in my thoughts and felt like i had a lot of explaining to do. i think my feelings are both simple and complicated so idk if i even really answered your questions, i hope i did..., ;;

#sorry in advance guys i literally never proofread #and i had family come over in the middle of me typing this so i lost my train of thought midway #i dont know where to put this but some last thoughts #the transpeople who insist they have nothing to do with their natal sex make us look like a fucking joke #like thats so easily exploitable by transphobic conservatives #and im tired of them having that leverage because theyre fucking idiots and dont deserve any sort of intellectual upperhand #gender theory has a lot of holes in it i think and its way too easy to poke at right now #also i think even more important than transmen its important for transwomen to acknowledge they arent the same as ciswomen #i know dysphorias a bitch i know it sucks i know it hurts #im trying not to let my privilege let me forget because i DO have a lot of privilege #but when we're talking about females as an oppressed social class #you dont neatly fit in & share that same experience #doesnt mean you dont have problems/face oppression! but its most likely because youre trans #not because of your identity #also my take on gender critical theory is that it just..... fits for me #i had that whole section about why its important to me #but i also dont really care that much about ppl still subscribing to gender theory #like you do you boo i just think it can be harmful sometimes #anyway #long post #radfem #gender critical #discourse #pine speaks