#is it fake though?

[sunnynwanda]

Wedding date

Part 2    Part 3    Part 4

“Please, please, can you go with me to my cousin's wedding?" 

Hero'd be lying if they said they didn't like the pleading look on Villain's face. Or the way their voice went up a couple octaves. Hero'd sure prefer the situation to be different. Something related but not limited to the bedroom. Definitely not on top of a moving train that they were trying to stop from getting hijacked. 

And that Villain was, in fact, hijacking. 

"You're joking, right?" Hero manages to block Villain's attack, sending an incredulous look their way. "And if you're not, how is hijacking a train a good way to invite someone to a wedding?” 

“Yeah, sorry 'bout that,” their archnemesis smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of their neck. “But we don't really meet under better circumstances, do we?”

Villain's justification is true, Hero has to admit it. Nothing surprising there, given that their Villain is the ‘intellectual kind’. That’s what they prefer to be called. Hero’d say “smartass’, but who’s asking. 

“Please help me just this once.” The way they drag their vowels catches Hero off guard. Are they... are they nervous? Now that they are thinking about it, Villain has avoided their gaze throughout the fight. 

“Why?” Hero asks, struggling to hide their curiosity. What started off as another Friday morning with the usual shenanigans of their rival is turning into something fun. “Why do you need me to go with you?”

“Well…” Villain trails off, so distracted that they almost hit their head on the railroad sign that the train’s passing under. Hero barely has time to pull them down to their knees on the train roof, face to face with them.

“Villain, if I'm going to help you,” upon noticing the excited expression on Villain’s face, Hero pauses. “And don't get all hopeful, I said 'if'... but if I’m going to help you, I need to know why I'm doing that.”

“But you're considering it, right?” The look in their eyes is hopeful beyond imagination. Hero nods with a chuckle. 

For some unfathomable reason, this leaves Villain frozen in place, an intense inner conversation evident in their features. Hero waits for several moments before concluding. “We're nearing the station, so you better spill.”

“Ugh, fine.” Before Villain has even uttered anything, Hero knows they’ll do it. The pink staining Villain’s ears is worth all the trouble that might ensue. “My grandma's gonna be there.”

“So?” Hero prompts, not satisfied with the sparse explanation. Their nemesis squeezes their eyes shut, a blush creeping up their exposed neck. Even if Hero was considering mercy, they sure can’t stop now, not when Villain looks like that. “Isn't your grandma a retired supervillain?”

“So, she's been pestering me to date for ages now, and I can't endure that conversation again.” Hero blinks. Then blinks again. They heard that right, didn’t they? 

“Erm… am I correct in assuming you want me to pretend to be your date?” Villain could as well rival a tomato at this point. And would perhaps win in the category of evenness and colour.  

“Yes?” Their voice is small when they speak, eyes unable to land on anything, partly because Hero’s frame is blocking anything else they could look at. Hero laughs lightly, shaking their head with the widest smile possible. Villain looks up, scandalized. “Hey, if you're gonna make fun of me, forget I asked.”

“No, no, I’m sorry,” Hero legitimately panics, shaking their head to indicate they weren’t laughing at Villain. Well, they were, but it was affection more than anything else. “I'll go.”

“Oh uh okay,” Villain’s grin threatens to rip their face in half. Hero can bet theirs is matching. “Then, I'll let you know the date and location?”

“Yeah,” they can’t help but notice the shake in their own voice as Villain gets to their feet, preparing to leave. The train is slowing down.

“And, um,” Villain starts but is distracted by Hero, who’s still kneeling on the train roof. The people at the station can probably see them, but who cares? Definitely not Hero. Villain dips their head to conceal the smile tugging at the corners of their mouth. “Thank you.”

Hero nods, considering something for a moment, before calling out. “Hey, Villain?”

“Mhm?” Villain stops by the edge, looking back over their shoulder.

“It's a date.” Villain is dumbfounded and at a loss for words, so they try to jump off to avoid replying to that statement. Hero can’t help the smirk that spreads on their face when Villain all but falls off the train, graceful as ever. Dancing with this dumbass is going to be fun.

Part 2    Part 3    Part 4

Masterlist

#writing #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #villain x hero #hero and villain #hero x villain #heroes and villains #villain #hero #villain and hero #wedding #date #wedding date #fake relationship #is it fake though? #female writers #women writers #might continue this one #sunnynwanda #requests open

[citrenecult]

Drew the Lamb, Narinder, and the Follower Bishops.

Some close ups.

#cult of the lamb #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #cotl leshy #cotl heket #cotl kallamar #cotl shamura #cotl referenced sheet #my stuff #my art #was gonna do more head canon writing but it is very hard to type with fake nails on #oh the things I sacrifice for prom #they do look very nice though #so it might be worth it #it was at least a very fun mother daughter bonding experience :D

[radiance1]

This post except that Danny and Jason don't stop fake dating. It is very convenient for the both of them actually.

Danny gets to respond to his parents whenever they ask about his boyfriend or whenever they make surprise visits to Gotham for one reason or another.

Jason gets to play the 'sorry I'm taken' card as both Red Hood and Jason Todd. He also gets to use the couple's discount whenever it's available, and if he gets gifts from his girls in Crime Alley for his mysterious boyfriend, its not like Danny would complain.

Again, they hold no romantic interest in the other at all, entirely platonic those two are.

The batfam doesn't know that, though. Nor does anyone else but put an emphasis on them, after the whole 'Jason Todd is Red Hood' reveal goes down the batfam is interested in Jason's supposed boyfriend.

Danny just cannot believe his parents were right about Jason being a crime lord and Jason? Yea he's definity going to have to buy more ice cream to make up for it.

On the other hand, Jason just can't believe Danny took it that well. Considering he got the bomb dropped on him by Nightwing after he (and others) broke into their apartment. On second thought, he's met the guy's parents and they immediately saw through his secret identity so...

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dpxdc #dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dc x dp crossover #Danny and Jason keep fake dating for benefits #completely platonic between them though #the batfam doesn't know that though #and basically everyone in Gotha but SHHHHHH

[beam-meup-scotty]

spock , roughly two seconds before doing something so unhinged no one else has even thought of it : good thing i’m a vulcan and i would never do something irrational or illogical lmaoo

#y’all remember the entirety of the galelio 7 when his solution to everythjng was just to Fuck Around and Find Out #in the amoeba episode where he was like no guys don’t rescue me it’s for Science #the man trap when he was slapping the monster in the form of bones’ former lover to snap bones out of it #um the one where got infected with those fake throw up thingies and BLINDED HIMSELF ?? #the one where his father was Dying and even though there were plenty of other people who could command the ship He Needed To Do It #several other instances i am forgetting #i literally love him #star trek #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #mr spock #captain kirk #doctor mccoy #dr mccoy #incorrect star trek #jim kirk #leonard mccoy #mccoy #star trek tos

[violent138]

*At the funeral of a former Gotham D.A.*

Tim: "So how come you brought just me?"

Bruce, nodding politely at other guests: "The others keep daring each other to do stupider and stupider things and I just wanted one night without any--"

Tim, choking on his drink: "Oh shit, oh shit, that's one of my exes--" hides behind Bruce and nearly knocks over a large photograph of the recently deceased

Bruce, forcing a smile and desperately searching the room for alcohol, muttering: "Him? Really?"

#HC nowhere is safe for Bruce #His kids keep testing their fake personas #Even though Bruce insists they can just act normal #That he acts crazy enough of all of them #batman #Dc comics #Tim Drake #Bruce Wayne #batfamily

[starboundsingularities]

the jurist system seems really cool i hope they keep using it :-)

27 notes

🌈 lawsbian Follow

hey girl. am i a suspect. because you can "court" me any time

🧊 just--ice Follow

try.

🌈 lawsbian Follow

hey girl. am i a suspect. because you can "try" me any time

🌈 lawsbian Follow

hey girl. are you a lawyer. because you can "try" to "court" me any time

🌈 lawsbian Follow

hey girl. am i on trial.

🌈 lawsbian Follow

i'm determined to make this work btw

🌈 lawsbian Follow

hey girl. law

🔪 violencekilling Follow

hey girl. are you a murderer. because ow ough ouch agh stop stabbing me

732,390 notes

🌟 rockliker270 Follow

guys watch out hes gonna shelly de kill you

293,485 notes

🎀 copiicat Follow

they called me to the witness stand and the defense attorney just shouted "BOOOOOO WE HATE YOUR PUSSY"

43,618 notes

🧇 edible-evidence Follow

look if i was on trial and the guy prosecuting me started advertising his music i'd just plead guilty. avoid the embarrassment of getting put in prison by a guy who basically used the trial to say "this blew up btw here's my soundcloud"

97,384 notes

⚖️ courtofpublicopinions Follow

💞 lawveyourself Follow

didnt miles edgeworth defend someone in a case once

⛲ fountainoftruth Follow

do you know the difference between a prosecutor and a defense attorney

270,934 notes

💟 longingforyou Follow

being rivals isn't enough i need to kiss you

💟 longingforyou Follow

who the fuck is evil magistrate

💟 longingforyou Follow

STOP TAGGING THIS WITH LAWYERS?????

584,769 notes

🐈 nyattorney Follow

they hired a guy to stand in court and shout "GET A ROOM YOU TWO" whenever the lawyers start getting a little too homoerotic

976 notes

💥 courtroomchaos Follow

your honor i know all the evidence points to my client being guilty. but come on you have to admit he kinda ate right

💼 courtofwaw Follow

mia fey when they had phoenix wright on trial

20,475 notes

🔍 thuthseeker Follow

ok hot take but i feel like these lawyers should maybe not be allowed to drag literal children to court with them?? how many people have gotten genuinely actually fucking SHOT in court and they're just ok bringing fucking 8 year olds in?

12,475 notes

💼 courtofwaw Follow

happy almost christmas to all who celebrate

💫 dizzydreamers124 Follow

it's march

🎄 holidazed Follow

happy almost christmas :)

😈 knownjaywalker Follow

WHO is putting this on my dash

👁️ cymorgue Follow

STOP POSTING THIS. IT IS JUNE.

🐼 pandastar91 Follow

ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

1,589,589 notes

💽 platinumcourtrecord Follow

evil gavinners be like. innocent hate. this is a nothing post

19,384 notes

🥚 eggvidenced Follow

STOP asking me about the dl-6 post idc idc look even phoenix wright forged evidence once shut up

📕 lexculpatory Follow

he didn't forge the evidence, though. it was kristoph gavin who ordered the forgery. this was covered in the trial of vera misham. if you're going to try to compare yourself to well known figures, you could at least check the veracity of your claims.

🥚 eggvidenced Follow

yeah well. he might have. on a different case or something.

73 notes

🃏 thecourtjester Follow

i tried to take the bar exam but they didnt let me because i wasnt cunty and traumatized enough

57,384 notes

😇 innosense Follow

683,876 notes

🦀 mad_libz_87 Follow

when will global studios realize that i do not WANT another shitty steel samurai spinoff i just want the original show back

7,094 notes

⚖️ courtofpublicopinions Follow

she present on my evidence til i reach a verdict

⚖️ courtofpublicopinions Follow

WRONG BLOLG. DON'T REBLOG THIS. DELETE POST DELETE POST DELETE POST I SWEAR WE'RE PROFESSIONALS HERE

17,283 notes

👑 courtroyals Follow

"we need more great prosecutors" you guys couldn't even handle manfred von karma

🧊 just--ice Follow

didn't he kill someone?

👑 courtroyals Follow

irrelevant. you guys couldn't handle him.

587 notes

📋 lawandwhoreder Follow

law: i'm so law

lawyer, who needs to one up everyone no matter what: i'm more law than you

🏛️ lawyest Follow

hi

📋 lawandwhoreder Follow

you've got to be fucking kidding me

183,834 notes

🧊 just--ice Follow

why is it always murders with lawblr. why don't we ever talk about divorce or something

#ace attorney #ace attorney spoilers #dashboard simulator #dash simulator #dashboard sim #dash sim #unreality #fake dashboard #fake dash #post simulator #long post #this is just going to be a series now /lh #well. if i make any more. who knows #timeframe is sometime after the end of aa4 but before the start of aa5 #the timeframe for these posts is of course always the exact point i'm at in my own playthrough /lh #some of these are based on real posts. but i'm hoping it is more inspiration rather than outright copying #if it is though i'm always willing to remove them #though i will not be removing the one that's based on my own post because that's mine /lh #i worry this may be an unnecessary sequel but who cares. who cares.

[vanwizard]

okay i will admit i enjoyed these three in the like. one scene they were actually all on screen together.

sofia voice shut up and get the fuck out goncharov, i’m gonna fuck your wife now.

#'sofia played an objectively small part in the film' SHE PLAYED AN OBJECTIVELY LARGE PART IN MY HEART. #i was going to make a post earlier today being like if i make goncharov fanart will you guys be mad at me but then i was like. oh well :) #goncharov (1973) #goncharov #katya goncharov #myart #unreality #okay goncharov spoilers --> #this is so funny to me. i woke up this morning and genuinely had a second wehere i was like. did people find out the shoe movie was #like. real??? or something??? but i like that we're just doing a collective hallucination instead it's fun. #it made me excited to draw something for a nonexistent movie. #irregardless though. #i tagged the original goncharov post also with 'goncharov' (i cant believe how many times ive typed that word lmao) #so if anyone is confused/wants to see the origin of the meme it's there. fake movie. #people are making stuff up about it but posting like it's real.

[harasharaved]

The fact that Judaism is trending because of both the wave of bomb threats on synagogues and Bradley Cooper's Antisemitism Adventure (his huge fake prosthetic nose, and him basically stealing the story from a Jewish man) is so infuriating and so exhaustingly typical.

The fact that I see Judaism trending on Tumblr and immediately think "oh no. Something Bad is happening to us." We're never trending cause it's fucking good. I never get to be excited, it's just cold dread.

The fact that Antisemitism is getting worse everyday and the only ones who ever talk about it are other Jews. The fact that no one else fucking cares. The only ones who support us are other Jews. Even when gentiles talk about Nazis or white supremacists they don't want to help us. We're just their prop, the canary in the coal mine and the perfect victim.

The fact that everyone's uncomfortable with Jews still being here. Reminding them of things they'd rather forget.

The fact that it'd be easier for them if we were all dead. Then they could tell stories about our people, dressed in offensive caricatures, without us making a fuss.

#im so fucking pissed right now #jew tag #judaism #jumblr #when will we be able to catch a fucking break man #i keep thinking about dara horn man #she said it best #a hundred times #Sarah's bullshit #I'll probably delete this later i just AUGH #g-d im angry i just wanted to rant #me and every jewish person ever who went to hebrew school or shul or anything #we have armed security guards as some flimsy protection so we dont get hate crimed #so no one comes in and shoots our kids #by the way. its not normal. its been all ive ever known though #g-d forbid one of those bomb threats is real will gentiles slap on a fake nose and make a movie about it twenty years later

[volchiitza]

clearly trying to stop fixating on "productivity" has actually improved my focus

#gradblr #phdblr #phd life #phd #studyblr #study motivation #listen tumblr's new thing where you can copy paste previous tags and they paste as tags instead of a line of tags is impressive #omggg you can also edit the text in a tag?????!!!! #hello when did tumblr actually start listening to our suggestions and implementing them??? #look i know those are fake flowers but hey my office is a little bleak and i needed some reminders of happiness and fresh flowers are #difficult because a) they dont sell them near campus and b) i go in pretty sporadic so they wilt and die so easily #even though the same flowers would last weeks when i get them for the house

[crimson-constellations]

atla modern au where suki & zuko are life guards for the summer and sokka just keeps drowning

#i have the feeling sm already though of this bfr but i just had this idea & i LOVEIT #atla #zuko #sokka #suki #zukki #sukka #zukka #zuki #sm PLS write that im begging and crying #i just love the idea of these 3 being so fucking stupid #sokka faking the hell out of it and zuko is almost tired of his bullshit #keyword almost #sukis just having fun with all this #at some point theyll start taking turns to save him

[bread--quest]

It's 2012 somewhere. Welcome.... to Night Vale Tumblr.

👁️ nvcr-official

Hi guys! I'm Intern Sarah! Excited to be joining you all!

👁️ nvcr-official

To the friends and family of Intern Sarah, she was a good intern and social media manager, and we are sorry to see her go. We will work to find a new intern as soon as possible.

83 notes

🦉 dark-owl-records

CALL OUT POST FOR CECIL PALMER

hes gotten away with shit for too long and im sick of it. tl;dr horrific intern mistreatment with no compensation, mountain denier, homophobic

keep reading

❌ number-one-moonhater Follow

Hey uh. Aren't you a company account? Why are you posting this

🦉 dark-owl-records

L + ratio + god forbid women do anything + your music taste is trash

🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow

Isn't Cecil literally gay?

🦉 dark-owl-records

he's homophobic

🪼 jeebyfish Follow

he has a husband...

🦉 dark-owl-records

yeah and he won't fucking shut up about it

2,500 notes

🤫 cecils-private-blog

Carlos hasn't liked any of my woodcarving posts in THREE DAYS!! I'm so scared what if he's going to break up with me :((

👁️ nvcr-official

Cecil he's your husband he's not breaking up with you. also this isn't a private blog you just put private in the url

🤫 cecils-private-blog

HOW DID YOU SEE THIS

4 notes

🏜️ sandeater Follow

tamika flynn spotted in ralph's dairy aisle "slaying" the milk

🦂 scorpiansscuttle Follow

op i know this is a joke but one time i was in the ralphs dairy aisle and there was some butter up on a really high shelf and someone said "don't worry, i'll get it" and i turned around and it was fucking tamika flynn

☁️ average-weather-enjoyer Follow

fake story :/

📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram

No it's true I was there

🚂 traintonowhere Follow

TAMIKA FLYNN??

🏜️ sandeater Follow

what the fuck is happening on my post

8,345 notes

👁️ nvcr-official

can you guys please stop sending cecil weird shit... i don't want to have to explain to my boss what a dilf is

27 notes

🐚 mariella-shella

Hey guys!! Sorry for the lack of posts recently! I entered a hole in the wall and when I got out I realized I didn't know how long I'd been in there, or where I was, or who I am, and I'm not sure that I'm still the person who entered that hole however long ago. Anyway, the normal posting schedule will resume as soon as I remember what my normal posting schedule was, and if I'm still the person who had that posting schedule!

🌪️ sandstorm-gf Follow

omg mariella!!! missed u so much girl glad ur back!

🐚 mariella-shella

i miss me too

42 notes

😎 Anonymous asked: Response to the homophobic allegations?

🎙️ cecilpalmer

Huh??

🎙️ cecilpalmer

@nvcr-official What does this mean? Is it new slang?

👁️ nvcr-official

uhhhh dont worry about it buddy

50 notes

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

hey guys im in quarantine for eating wheat and wheat byproducts uh...send asks?? i might be in here for a while lmaooo

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

oh lights in the sky its been 5 years since i made this post

☁️ glowcloudapologist Follow

how's it going op

🧤 missy-mittens Follow

i miss my family

506 notes

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

hey if anyone remembers anything about the person running this blog can you tell me? trying to recover the fragments of my identity from the void of memory lol

🥔 potato-enthusiast Follow

you were really hot

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

FUCK YEAHHHHHH

89 notes

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

just a reminder that new residents of east night vale are fully welcome to interact with this blog!!!! you will not be harassed and any hate will be blocked. this blog is safe even if this town isn't sometimes <3

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

This is so sweet, thank you so much! Just so you know, even though it's officially called East Night Vale now, a lot of people still call it Desert Bluffs! Just thought you might want to know :)

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

i'm not calling it that sorry

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

What??? Why??

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

just kind of sucks. as a name

🌻 sunflowergirl Follow

?????????

170 notes

🐄

⬜️ kentuckymeatshower_deactivated11051983

what does this mean....

🌌 cece-xeze Follow

another great post from huntokar herself

16,683 notes

🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow

🌲 little-miss-ectoplasm Follow

you don't like pine cliff? 👻 oo ooo?

👁️ nvcr-official

NIGHT VALE SWEEEEEP

806 notes

😁 the-happy-smiler Follow

Hi everyone!! Since Twitter went down, I figured I'd try my hand at this Tumblr thing! I'm so excited to meet all of you!! Hope you're ready for some pictures of CENTIPEDES!! Feel free to AMA about the Smiling God!

👁️ nvcr-official

I

🦉 dark-owl-records

N

🎙️ cecilpalmer

T

📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram

E

🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow

R

🚂 traintonowhere Follow

L

🦉 a-weird-bird Follow

O

🌌 cece-xeze Follow

P

🐚 mariella-shella Follow

E

🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow

R

21,983 notes

#fake tumblr #fan: weird little town #i hope you all like this one i came up with it during a slow shift a few nights back and have been carefully crafting it to perfection #boss makes a dollar i make a dime thats why i invent fake tumblr posts on company time. as they say #unreality #< jic #wow look something original!! #im not maintagging this one im letting it find its own way in the world #go my little post. be free #long post #edit: FUCK I FORGOT NOTE COUNTS ON SOME OF THEM. EDITED THOUGH IT MAY BE TOO LATE

[sunnynwanda]

Wedding date: Part 2

Part 1         Part 3    Part 4

Trembling fingers fix a strand of perfectly styled hair for the fifteenth time. Villain fidgets in place, turning right and left in front of the mirror. To say that they were nervous would be an understatement. A huge one at that. Not only were they going to a family event with a date for the first time in… 

Well, forever, actually. Villain would much rather die than admit it, but this was the first time they were bringing a date. That is, if Hero actually shows up. Their doubts seem reasonable, but then again, why would Hero agree if they did not intend to come. Only to humiliate Villain?

"Stop examining yourself. You look dashing." The familiar voice catches Villain off guard. They turn sharply, facing their nemesis. Breathtaking, as always. Nothing new there. 

Hero's eyes are shameless as they travel all over their rival's frame before landing back on their face with the cockiest smirk ever. Be it damned.

Villain is flustered beyond imagination but forces a crooked smile. "Enjoying the view, are we?"

Hero chuckles fondly, shaking their head as they take a step closer. 

"You're not denying it." Villain states, half-expecting Hero to laugh in their face and walk away, claiming this was a joke.

"No." Hero inhales, hesitating for a long moment before speaking. "Wouldn't be here now, would I?" 

Villain finds the remark out of place and is about to voice it but is interrupted. Rude. 

"Shall we?" Hero offers their elbow, effectively hiding behind a smile. So freaking charming. Villain wants to punch them in the face. 

Or kiss it. Undecided.

Either way, Hero keeps smiling, and Villain finds themselves unable to muster a response, opting for a shaky nod. Their ears are coloured in a bright shade of red as they hook their arm around their rival's. Hero attempts to ignore the burning of Villain’s palm on their forearm and the fact that their fingers’ are prickling at the touch. They want to lace their fingers around Villain’s and squeeze them in reassurance but stop midway, with their palm turned up. 

"We're late, you know," Villain finally utters, voice quiet and calm as opposed to the vein pulsing on the side of their forehead.

Pulled out of their intrusive thoughts, Hero tilts their head, grinning. Mischief laces the corners of their eyes. "That's the plan. We need to make a grand entrance, after all."

Forget flustered. Villain is hysterical at this point. They should be thinking about the fact that they are bringing an enemy to a family event and the potential dangers of the situation. Or be concerned that they find it increasingly more difficult to hate their archnemesis, and said nemesis doesn't seem to hate them back. Quite the opposite, actually.

And Hero… well, Hero is positive they'll do everything in their might to make Villain blush like that again. 

Even if that means they might end up getting punched by the Villain. 

Or kissed. Undecided. 

Part 1         Part 3    Part 4

Masterlist

#writing #creative writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #villain x hero #hero and villain #hero x villain #heroes and villains #villain #hero #villain and hero #wedding #date #wedding date #fake relationship #is it fake though? #will there be a part 3? #the answer is yes #women writers #female writers #sunnynwanda #requests open

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

Overindulgent father Astarion who tells his children they’re allergic to any kind of jewellery that isn’t made of the highest grade Dwarven crafted gold. 

It’s not even because Astarion might have a certain aversion to silver, no, he just raises his children to have standards, thank you very much. 

And it doesn’t end with shiny things, oh no… 

The Ancunín brood is known to be dressed in perfectly woven cotton, silk and soft leather clothes, no matter the occasion.

They’re seen playing with expensive toys, reading artfully illustrated books that certainly belong behind thick glass, not in children’s sticky hands. 

There’s even talk that one of the children is not as naturally inclined to music as his parents claim him to be, surely his lyre must be enchanted—the instrument certainly looks extravagant enough! 

And then there’s always this air of effortless haughtiness surrounding the Ancunín children whenever their nannies and servants are parading them through town as if they were perfect little dolls; objects to show off the wealth their parents acquired in quite the mysterious ways. 

So, it’s no secret that Astarion and Tav are pampering their children—some might say they’re even spoiling them rotten. 

And maybe they are, especially Astarion.

But he doesn’t see why he should raise them any other way, nor does he want to.  

When it comes to his children, Astarion has his own standards, and as long as Tav agrees with him nothing really matters. 

Because, these people, they don’t know anything about the Ancuníns. 

They don’t know that it’s not unusual for Astarion to wash out dirt and mud and strawberry stains from comically small finery, leaving behind only the memories of a day spent playing in the garden, chasing after ducks, picking flowers, lazing in the sun…

That any holes and tears the children’s clothes might suffer are quickly mended, making them look as good as new in no time. 

Nor do they know that Astarion doesn’t mind fashioning a brand new dress to match that of a favourite doll, either. Or to embroider a pretty vest with the likeness of that stray cat the children seem to adore, although their father would rather they don’t touch the mangy animal. 

No, those people know nothing at all...

“Not tired!” Astarion’s youngest cries; the vehement denial of her father’s earlier accusation is cut short by a telltale yawn.

The room still smells of fragrant lavender oil and peaches even when the bath water has already grown tepid, just one or two degrees above what Astarion would consider too cold to be enjoyable. 

Amused, he raises an eyebrow at the protesting toddler before he lifts her out of the copper bathtub with little effort. 

By now, he knows every step of this game.

“Tut-tut, my dear child, what did mama and I say?” Astarion kneels, quickly wrapping a soft towel around the child to keep her warm. “We only tell lies outside of this house.”

Unfazed by her father’s gentle scolding, the girl crosses her arms that haven’t yet lost their puppy fat across her chest, reminding Astarion a little too much of a very displeased Tav. 

Suppressing a sigh, he leans back to consider the pouting child, wondering what could possibly be upsetting her this time—the list is growing longer by the day, after all. 

“What’s the matter, dear?” Astarion asks gently, hoping it’s something easily fixable as it’s growing rather late. 

“Want apple!”

Decades ago, Astarion might’ve rolled his eyes—he knows exactly which stupid apple the child wants, it’s been haunting him all day—but once he started to treat his children’s problems as if they were his own, his life has grown somewhat easier. 

“Why, let’s get an apple on our way to bed, then. Would that be alright, Your Highness?” 

The girl promptly nods her head, allowing Astarion to pat her hair dry before dressing her in a clean night dress. 

She rests her cheek against her father’s shoulder as he carries her first to the kitchen to grab a fragrant apple and a knife, then to her bedroom where they settle on the cosy window seat, just like they do every night.

Soft moonlight is pouring through the windows; the child giggles at the way the knife’s blade is catching the silver light as Astarion peels and cuts the apple into even pieces.

“Here you go,” he finally says, giving the slice of apple one last examining look before surrendering it to the impatient little hands reaching for it. “A sweet treat for my little sweet. Doesn’t it taste so much better when we don’t eat it off the floor, darling?” And when it’s not crawling with ants…

The appeased toddler nibbles at the juicy fruit as Astarion carefully combs through her still-damp curls. 

Her hair’s getting long, he notices, knowing that taking care of it will become more time-consuming each day. 

Once, Astarion would’ve thought this task tedious, brushing out hair that’s not his own, oiling and braiding it for no other reason than knowing his children enjoy him doing it. 

But that’s why he loves doing it in the first place, he supposes.

Astarion can tell by his toddler’s heartbeat that sleep is about to claim her. 

The half-eaten slice of apple is still clutched in her little fist as he cradles the child to his chest, slowly rising from the window seat to put her to bed. 

He’s just about to lay the child down that the fruit drops to the floor, his daughter’s tiny hand clutching at his shirt instead.

“Thank you, papa,” she mumbles, more asleep than awake.

Astarion pauses.

He breathes in the clean, yet unique scent of the little girl that is forever engraved in his brain, the same way he knows under which exact constellation she was born. When she took her first steps, what her first word was. Soon, he will have to memorise her favourite colour, and what she likes to eat when dirty apples won’t be that appealing anymore. 

By now, Astarion knows this game by heart, knows that with every year that passes, he has something new to learn about his children.

And sometimes he wonders what it’s like to grow up with clean bed sheets and full bellies. Sleep filled with naught but warmth and happy memories. Ever open doors and tears that are dried by tender kisses. Living in a house where mistakes and anger are welcomed, safe. 

He wonders what it’s like for his children to know that their father’s love comes without conditions. Not now and not ever. 

Sitting down on the bed, Astarion holds his youngest a little closer to his chest, unwilling to let go of her, yet. 

He’s often accused of spoiling his children when most people can only just grasp the very surface of his love for them, the bare minimum of what he feels for his one and only, precious family. 

These baseless accusations are as unimportant to Astarion as the people voicing them.

He’s raising his children to have standards, wants them to take their father’s love for granted, to accept nothing less but pure devotion.

It’s the only way Astarion knows how to love them, the only way that comes most naturally to him. 

Astarion looks down at his little girl, now fast asleep, a gentle smile tugging at her lips. 

After all these years—all these children—he’s still in awe watching them sleep in his arms as if no harm in the world could ever befall them.

And it won’t—not if Astarion can help it. 

“No, thank you, my heart,” he whispers, pressing a kiss against the crown of the toddler’s head. 

When it comes to his children, Astarion holds himself to the highest standard.

#astarion #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #dadstarion #astarion x tav #astarion headcanons #astarion x f!tav #baldur's gate astarion #astarion ancunin #to the best worst dad #astarion father of the year every year #emicha writes #idk how this turned out this long #I just put my daddy issues to work #I'm thinking about writing more casual one shot length pieces like this more often though #btw anyone else who only got real gold jewellery as a child? #having a grandma who told them fake jewellery isn't good for your skin? #and now that you're an adult you're left with a certain standard for jewellery but no money to actually pay for it? #because that's really funny ha! #I'll sleep better knowing the ancunin brood will just steal their jewellery even when they're not destitute

[beatcroc]

mcpig said fuck my character interpretation specifically

#i see it i see it i am acknowledging it #i'm not cancelling the stuff i had already planned with their old dynamic though so /shrug #pizza tower #fake peppino #the noise #peppino spaghetti #i actually drew this fp for something else but it works perfectly here too lolll #pizzaposting

[petr1kov]

considering how fionna and cake were always canonically presented as ice king's unhinged fanfiction in-universe, something he used to work through his feelings and express himself to a degree in his own way, i would very much appreciate if this new series retained this self-expression aspect and was also a way for simon to work through his feelings and (countless years of) trauma regarding... literally everything that happened in his life

#even though fionna and cake appear to be 'real' now (which might be a fake out) it should still be done in this vein imo #they are tied to simon by default it's hard to ignore that #adventure time #simon petrikov

[lei-llustrations]

FULL IMAGE and also Huaisang’s face

Ah but I couldn’t resist moving Huaisang’s fan to its default position, cropping things totally makes them more cinematic yknow

#The original is way better though I just wanted ppl to be able to see his fan design #huaisang gains strength points when you can just see his eyes #Blur that foreground! We faking cameras here #mdzs fanart #nie huaisang #3zun #mdzs #lan xichen #jin guangyao #meng yao #xiyao #nieyao #my art