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kjhmyg · 4 years

Text

rough edges pt. 6 (m)

pairing: jungkook | (f) reader genre: college!au, badboy!jk, fluffy too :( warnings: mentions of drugs, unprotected sex, cursing, violence, alcohol, drinking, death, manhandling, college parties, boys lol word count: 10.7K

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / part 6 / 6.5

author’s note: hello i love u. first of all welcome to ♡ libra season ♡ sorry this took so long; it feels kinda short so maybe i’ll post a short 1k chapter next week (part 6.5). i wrote the last half of the last part like an hour ago i hope i didnt make any big grammatical errors or typos lol. also dedicating this to my friend haru who i miss loads.

RE asks tag

What was a red mark on Jungkook’s cheek, has now turned purple-ish. He promises it doesn’t hurt anymore but you notice him mindlessly touching it at times. So you kiss it very gently each time you say goodbye and he doesn’t stop you.

With one arm around over the back of your chair, he’s feeding himself fries with the other. You lean against his shoulder, watching as he nibbles away. “Can’t keep your eyes off me huh?” He mutters.

“You know I can’t.” You admit, giggling into quick, continuous pecks. He lingers on a little longer on the last one like he always does.

“Will you guys save it for the bedroom?” Jimin asks, face twisted in disgust. He doesn’t really care, but it’s fun to tease Jungkook. “Gross.”

“Gross is you dipping fries in your coke.” Hana shakes her head at the soaked fry between his thumb and index finger.

"Don't be mad you don't have refined taste in food like me." He shoots back. “A soaked fry has equal parts sweet and salty.”

“You’re just gross.”

Hana’s realised it doesn’t take much to get under his skin and is enjoying every bit of it. The irony is that it always starts with Jimin trying to get under Jungkook’s skin. Next to Jimin, Taehyung’s phone has his undivided attention. In fact, he’s been rather quiet today, spending the last five minutes or so frowning at his screen.

“Tae, you alright?”

“No.” He sighs, finally looking up. “I have to get a job.”

“...And?”

“Well I don’t want to.” He says simply. “Can’t believe my parents are cutting off my allowance because I spend too much.” He uses air quotes.

Except for Jimin, the rest of you only manage blank stares, unable to sympathise with his first world problem. "Yeah, I’m sure those thousand dollar Balenciaga sneakers you got last week have nothing to do with it.” Jungkook says.

“Jungkook. They were limited edition.”

“A thousand dollars?” You say. “What the hell dude.”

“Okay can we stop talking about the past and focus on the present?” Leaning back against his chair and looking into the distance, Jimin places a comforting hand on his shoulder

“Don’t worry, we’ll find you a nice job.” Jimin says and he lets out a tiny whine, throwing his head back.

That’s when it hits you. You have no idea how, but it does. And you have no idea if it’ll work but you’re doing it anyway.

A clueless Hana raises a brow in question at the sudden look of mischief you give her. She braces herself for whatever you’re about to do, equally curious and worried. “Actually, you should apply at our café.” You say to Taehyung.

“They’re hiring?”

“Well not yet.” Turning back to her, you widen your eyes slightly, prompting Hana to play along. She quickly does, noticing Jungkook watching her over your shoulder. “I’m leaving soon so they’ll definitely need a replacement.”

“You’re quitting?” Jungkook asks, sitting up straight. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” The little head shake you give isn’t enough to convince him. “I just wanna work somewhere else. Anyway, you’d like working there Tae. It’s nice.” The other boy perks up, seemingly interested.

Hana agrees, explaining the details of your work and what it’s like there. While they talk, Jungkook squeezes your shoulder to get your attention, “Are you sure nothing happened? Creeps harassing you again?”

“No, really.” You say, hand over his cheek. “I just want a change of environment. The job’s getting boring.”

The worry in his eyes gradually disappears as he seems to accept it. He gives a soft okay for now. Looking away, you let out a silent sigh of relief. On the inside, the rational side of you is yelling her head off. What possessed you to decide to quit your job for no good reason? This plan is banking on the chance that Jungkook will let you join him at the club. Which when you think about it, is very unlikely to happen.

Yet, another part of you is excited. Your mind is in a frenzy. Convincing yourself you’ll figure the details out later, you silently thank Taehyung and his Balenciagas for handing you this opportunity.

"Oh hey, we better get going." Jimin says, looking at the time on his phone. "We'll see you guys tonight?"

The girls of Eta Iota are hosting a party tonight. Naturally, the boys get invited and by association, you too. Sunhee’s cashing in on your promise of taking her to one, so you have to go even if it’s just to hang around for a while then leave. You part ways with Jimin and Tae as Jungkook gives Hana and you a ride back. He walks with you to the lobby of your place, where you tell Hana to head up first.

Right by the stairwell, he leans against the wall and holds you in his arms, between his legs. “Are you sure you wanna quit your job?”

"Yessss, I’m sure. I wanna work somewhere else." Resting your chin on his chest, you look up at him. "It's cute that you're worried about me."

“Of course I am.” He kisses the top of your head. “I’ll help you keep a lookout for places that are hiring.”

You smile gleefully up at him. Oh, he’s going to help you get a new job alright. Just not in the way he’s thinking. Already, you feel bad for lying to him. But you keep telling yourself you’re doing this for him.

He doesn’t let you go so easily when you try and remove yourself, not giving up his hold on you. When you pry his hands off, he tugs you right back in, locking you in his arms as kisses land all over your face. “Stop,” you laugh, “someone might see us.” But you don’t look around to check for anyone. He doesn’t care either.

He lifts you up easily, wrapping your legs around him. Switching positions, you now feel the cool wall against your back. “Should we skip the party tonight?” He asks, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“You have to go. It’s part of your fraternity sorority socialising thingy thing.” He rolls his eyes at that. “Plus, I promised Sunhee I’d go with her.”

"Fine. But I’m only going ‘cause you’re going."

“So I’ll see you there, okay?” He nods in response as his hold on you loosens. A peck on the cheek and you’re going up the stairs, one step at a time, hand still holding on to his. As it slips away, he squeezes his chest with his other hand and groans in mock pain.

“Silly,” you mutter between giggles. He breaks character and skips up the steps to get another kiss from you. At this rate he would never leave.

“Jungkook seriously,” you say against his lips, leaning back to separate yourself from him, “you should go now. I’ll see you later anyway.”

He complies and lets you go, but not without releasing a very dramatic sigh. You hurry up the steps before he changes his mind, looking down over the railing as you go, waving your goodbye.

𝄖𝄖

Purple, purple everywhere. The Etas had decided to do their rush party while celebrating their anniversary. Which explains why the decorations are of their ‘official’ colour. Purple balloons, cups, banners, napkins.

“This is so fun!” Sunhee squeals, coming up to hug you from behind. “I’ve made a bunch of new friends!” She squeals again and hurries off elsewhere, leaving you and Hana once again.

“I’m glad she’s enjoying herself.” Hana comments, taking a sip of her drink.

“Aren’t you?” You nudge her side. “You’ve had like four guys come up and give you their number. Don’t act like you’re not having fun.”

“I guess I’m havin’ a lil’ fun…” she mumbles towards the end, sipping on her drink with a tiny smile. She’s holding up much better than you thought she would. Much better than you at least, she doesn’t seem too bothered by the constant yelling.

There’s no reason to worry about Sunhee. She’d clung on to you earlier when you arrived together as promised, like you’re her ticket in. As soon as you passed through the doors, a couple of girls from the host house came up to greet you. While it was a little awkward for you, Sunhee saw her chance and took it. She’s been hanging out with them since.

“Where’s Jungkook?” Hana asks. She’s still unsure about your plan. You had gotten an earful from her earlier on, back at the apartment. Only after you promised, pinky promised and swore you’d be safe, did she finally calm down.

“Somewhere.” It’s crowded enough to not be able to see the other end of the room. You crane your neck to see better. “Don’t know if I can find him with all these people around.”

“Go.” Her pretty, long eyelashes flutter over her eyes as she looks at you. “Don’t worry about me.”

You’re hesitant to leave, but she reiterates that she’d be fine and you finally nod, much to her relief. She has Jimin and Taehyung with her anyway, she says, nodding over to the pair a few feet away.

Before disappearing into the crowd, you turn back to let her know you might not see her for the rest of the night. But she’s read your mind, waving her hands at you. “You’ll be with Jungkook, I know.”

“Text me when you get home. I love you.” You blow her a kiss and watch her roll her eyes, then push through bodies of people to get to a different part of the house. There’s way too many people here. Most of them tower at least a head over you, disrupting your view. Your phone vibrates just as you enter the biggest room of the house which gives you a little more maneuvering space than the previous one.

Jungkook: u look great

Slowly, you turn in the spot you’re in, paying close attention to each section of the room.

Jungkook: i like pink

Jungkook: ur ass looks great in those jeans btw

You: reveal yourself

He doesn’t respond and you continue to wander around, until you reach a short hallway separating the kitchen area from the previous room. With more room to breathe, you decide to stay put knowing Jungkook won’t keep this up for long anyway. And you’re right.

"Looking for me?" His hot breath tickles your ear.

Spinning around, you're greeted by his wide grin and immediately hate how good he looks in a simple white tee with his house name, Kappa Sigma embedded on the left chest, and tucked into black jeans, "Hey you." He tastes like fruit punch when you kiss him.

Your bodies sway slightly to the music with his hands on your hips and your arms around his neck. He reaches behind, pulling something out of his back pocket and holds it up in front of you. “Lollipop?”

“It’s...purple.” You take it from him, observing its odd colour, wondering if this was even necessary.

“I know.” He chuckles. “They really go all out.”

You shrug, unwrapping the sweet and pop it in your mouth. “So, you wanna get out of here?” He asks.

“But I thought you liked parties,” you blink, “socialising, hooking up.”

“I know you’re making fun of me but it’s kinda hot when you talk like that.” He eyes the way your lips wrap around the lollipop, unconsciously mirroring the movement of your tongue licking the layer of sugar off your lips, suddenly going thirsty.

You shove him in the chest and he laughs, stepping back. “I’ve been here less than an hour.” You say. Although, it’s not like you were planning to stay long anyway. You know that, he knows that.

“You won’t miss a thing, trust me.” He hooks an arm over your shoulder. “Besides, we can get started on the hooking up part.” He winks.

You leave through the back, avoiding the large crowd up front. You quickly send a text to Hana to let her know you’re leaving. Out on the lawn, you walk past a group of guys drunkenly singing to their heart's content and you flash them a thumbs up despite how horrible they sound.

The Eta Iota house is just a few houses down from the boys’ and you walk back hand in hand, swinging your arms as you go. Jungkook watches your smile, and the way you laugh when your arms swing so far back that it throws you off balance and you almost fall. “You look good.” He says, softly.

“I know, you told me.” You say without sparing him a glance. “I look good in pink. And these jeans are good for my ass.”

“No.” His voice is as soft as his smile. Looking at him then, you notice the tender look in his eyes. “I mean you look good when you’re happy. It’s nice. Does that make sense? I don’t know.”

Your heart leaps at the way he looks away almost shyly, focusing entirely on the ground as he walks, his other hand in his pocket. You close the gap between you and kiss him on the cheek. “I’m always happy when I’m with you.”

“I’m happy when I’m with you too.”

The rest of the short walk back goes in comfortable silence, you still lightly swinging your arms. But as you reach the front of the house, Jungkook pauses. It surprises you when he decides to take a walk in the park instead. You give him curious glances along the way, wondering what’s gotten into him. It’s a ten minute walk from his place to a park that’s your go-to for impromptu date nights.

You walk past groups of people hanging around, laughing with food on large picnic mats. Finally you opt for an empty space on the grass, not too far away from others there but secluded enough to have some privacy.

“Oh my god, look at the clouds.” They’re big and fluffy, floating through the dark sky. “I wish we could see the stars. That’d be perfect.”

Jungkook follows your gaze. “There are places where you can do that you know.”

“Yeah, I’d love to go one day.” You say with a heavy sigh.

“We could go together.” Jungkook says, making you look at him. “Like a vacation.”

“Aw. I’d love that.”

He smiles sweetly, then turns in place to face you. “I went to look for places which were hiring earlier.”

“You did? Why?”

“Aren’t you...quitting your job?” He looks at you confused. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”

“Yeah but, there’s no rush.”

“Just wanna make sure you have something to fall back on.” He says, checking his phone. “So, the bakery right next to the cafe is hiring.”

“Jungkook,” you laugh, “I can’t quit and then take up a job next door!”

“I know but, just in case.” He goes on, looking upwards as he recalls. “The school’s also looking for a part-time librarian⎼”

“Baby no, that’s so boring.” You groan. “I thought I’d look for something more...exciting. Like a routesetter maybe?”

“I didn’t know you rock climb?”

“Oh I don’t.” He looks at you with a blank expression on his face. “What? I can learn to!”

"You're weird." He shakes his head and taps your nose. "Why would you wanna go out of your way for a part time job?"

"Cause...it's fun?"

"Even you don't believe that."

"You're right." The wheels in your head turn at full speed, trying to make this as natural as possible. You have to be careful, Jungkook's way too attentive when it comes to you. "Okay, I'll be honest."

He perks up. Face filled with curiosity, as if ready to say I knew it, that something was up, and that you wouldn't leave your job over nothing.

"I'm quitting because…" You gulp. "I want to spend more time with you."

"What?"

"Don't be mad." You add in quickly. "I just thought that I'd get to have more time to spare for you if I wasn't always working."

Eyes closed, he lets out a sigh and drops his head with a little shake. The small smile and amused look in his eyes makes you smile too. “Are you serious? Are you running a fever?” He places the back of his palm against your forehead and then checks the pulse on your wrist.

“I’m fine.” You snatch your hand back.

“The Y/N I know wouldn’t make impulsive decisions like this.” He quirks a brow, “You know you need that job. How else will you pay rent? Get groceries? You don’t ever let me pay for anything.”

“I’ll find a job with less hours.”

“Less hours, less pay.” He lifts your chin up, pouty lips calling him in. “Don’t be silly baby, you’re not leaving your job.”

“Too late.”

“What d’you mean?”

“I...may have...emailed my resignation...earlier on.”

He groans and you cringe when he shoots you a look of disapproval. You give your best kicked puppy look which doesn’t work. “This doesn’t happen often but I’m really mad at you right now.”

“Don’t be.” You scoot closer and when he turns his head away, you move onto his lap, forcing him in an embrace. “I’ll find something.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Go back to work tomorrow and speak to your manager. Tell him you’ve changed your mind.” He asks seriously. “I’ll go and have coffee during every one of your shifts so we’re technically spending time together.”

“Don’t be silly.”

“I’m the silly one?”

“Okay fine, I’m sorry.” You sigh. “I didn’t think things through…”

“You’re damn right you didn’t.” He rests his head in his palm. “So, what are you gonna do now?”

“Spend more time with you?” You inch even closer, if it’s even possible with how you’re already sticking to him like glue. He doesn’t reply right away but squeezes you in his hold, resting his cheek on your head. “Are you still angry?”

“Yes.”

You lift your head off him for a kiss. When he sighs this time, he feels the anger dissipating. At the same time he curses the way his body betrays him when it comes to you. You can barely tell he’s upset with the way he responds so eagerly. The pleased look you give him after has him rolling his eyes. “You can’t be mad at me. I’m cute.”

“True.” He leans back, hands on the grass behind him. “But, we are going to look for job postings online tonight.”

“But mom!” You whine, folding your arms in front of you.

“No buts.”

“Not even my butt?” Blinking innocently at him, you add in a little head tilt until he breaks and starts grinning. “Thought you liked my butt.”

He falls onto the grass, laughing in disbelief and you steady yourself on his chest. “What has gotten into you?” He says, watching as you hover over him. “You’re acting so weird.”

“No I’m not. I’m just happy, like you said.” You kiss him on the nose. “You’re the weird one. Nagging at me about getting a job. Being a responsible adult and stuff.”

He flips over, switching your positions so that he’s hovering over you now. Almost immediately, you’re distracted by how dreamy he looks with the view of the night sky behind him. You run your thumb over one side of his cheek. “You did this to me. Plus I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Don’t worry. I can pull some strings and get you a job somewhere fun.”

He rolls over to your side and lets you rest your head under his arm, both of you watching the sky. You shift even closer, slinging one leg over his and draw circles on his chest. “Hey I mean, worse comes to worst, I could always come and work for you.”

Surprisingly, he laughs. Really hard. You lift yourself up and rest on your elbow to watch him. “Nice one.” He sighs. Then he notices the way you’re looking at him, face void of expression and brows up in question. “What? You were serious?”

“Slightly offended that you thought it was that funny but yes, I was.”

He raises a brow at you. “You? Want to work at a club? Doing what?”

“Bartender? Cleaner?”

“Don’t even joke about that, our cleaners are our most valuable staff. They clean, sanitise, then double sanitise, wipe up vomit, make sure the booths aren’t lined with nasty fluids.”

Your face twists in horror and he nods, proving his point. “Okay...fine so I’m not qualified enough for that. But bartending? I can do that.”

“No.”

“Why?”

He gets up and you follow. He ruffles the back of his head and dusts of the grains on his hands. “Baby, you’re not working there. I won’t allow it.”

“But𝄖”

“Y/N, I said no.” There was no room to argue, not even cheekily. He didn't raise his voice, but the tone he took was enough. Easing the firm stare he gave you as he said it, he turns his attention to his phone as it beeps.

𝄖𝄖

"Lucky for you, I told the manager you just needed a break to focus on school," Hana yawns, pulling up the blanket to her face, "you can come back anytime."

"You want me to give up?"

"Only because your plan is dangerous."

"Hana, I'm not giving up."

She sighs, turning over to the other side. “Let’s talk tomorrow. I’m tired.”

You push yourself off her bed and sit on the edge, thinking. Quietly, you pull open the drawer by her bed, fumbling around until you feel what you’re looking for. The little paper you tore out of Jungkook’s notebook. When he started sleeping over, you had asked Hana to keep it safe for you. You stare at the address. You hadn’t gotten round to visiting the place, especially since you don’t even know what you’re looking for.

“Turn off the light when you leave, will you?” Hana mumbles half-asleep.

You leave the piece of paper and close the drawer.

𝄖𝄖

Two days later, you’re back at his place. The guys are all over, making sure the house is ready for a party tonight. Each of them were assigned different tasks to settle to save time. When you arrived, Hoseok made sure to separate Jungkook from you, for the sake of efficiency, so you’re stuck in the kitchen with Jimin. Helping him with the cleaning, you listen mindlessly as he rambles on about something. He yells at every guy that enters and tries to steal some snacks but sneaks some into his mouth when no one’s looking.

Just as you’re done wiping down the chip bowls, Jungkook walks in with dark stains all over his shirt and face. He chugs down half a bottle of orange juice from the fridge before opening a bag of gummies placed on the table for the party which has Jimin groaning.

“What happened to you?”

“Car oil needed changing. Cleaned up under the hood too.”

“What?” Jimin shrieks. “You were working on your car this entire time?”

“Yeah?”

“While the rest of us were preparing for the party? Unbelievable!” He huffs, “You were supposed to fix the first floor bathroom⎼”

Jungkook signals for him to stop, holding up a palm. “Fine, I’ll go do it now.” He reaches out for your hand and continues to nod at everything Jimin says as he tags you along, the nagging fading away as you run upstairs.

“You should really go and help out.” You say, plopping down on his bed with a bounce.

Jungkook hums, “I will. Later.”

Sniffing the shirt he has on, he lets out a disapproving grunt. He removes it in one swoop and tosses it into a basket. You watch quietly as he steps closer, eyes fixed on yours. He leans forward and your hands grip the sheets as you lean back, looking at him expectantly. Then his arm moves past your head and reaches for another shirt on the bed, behind you. He snickers and you slap his shoulder.

“I’m leaving.”

“Aw, come on, don’t go.” He jumps into bed and grabs you. He leans on his side, propped up on his elbow, hand on your middle.

“I have to get some groceries.” You play with his hair. “Then I’m gonna freshen up and come back here in time for the party.”

“Great, I’ll drive you.”

“No, you stay. Fix the bathroom.”

“But I don’t want to.” He groans, and rolls over onto you. Almost naturally, your legs wrap around him and he starts kissing your neck, moving down to your chest, pulling down your shirt. You stop him, giggling. “Why do you always wanna leave when we kiss?” He frowns.

“Why do you always kiss me when I’m leaving?”

“‘Cause I don’t want you to leave."

The smell of your skin makes him smile. It smells like...home.

You feel his weight slowly get heavier on you as his body relaxes and melts into yours, nestling his face into your neck. He almost drifts to sleep with the way you’re rubbing his back. When you ruffle his hair, he lifts his head and claims a kiss. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Kookie.”

You giggle as he drops his face in the space between your neck and shoulder. Groaning, he recalls the night Suga found out about the nickname. He has since, constantly used it on Jungkook whenever he can. “He’s never letting that go. Thanks a lot.”

“I’m sorry.” You laugh, chest moving under him. “I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was saying.”

Supporting his weight on one arm, he hovers above you while his free hand brushes past the side of your face. “You don’t remember anything you said that night?”

“No.” That can’t be good. You scan his face. “Why? Did I say something weird?”

“No. Just wondering.” He says gently, expression slowly changing into a smile that makes you forget you were even worried a second ago. “Don’t get drunk anymore. Suga likes you way too much when you’re drunk.”

“Does he?” You laugh, cupping his face. If Suga likes you, you can use this to your advantage. You can’t wait to tell Hana your plan worked.

When Jungkook hears the sound of his name being called from somewhere around the house, he groans and sinks into you again. You push him off you with much difficulty, laughing as he keeps plopping back down into you.

“Okay, they need you. I’m leaving so you can focus. I’ll come back later.” You say, when you finally manage to escape. Reluctantly, he follows behind as you walk down the stairs.

Just as you reach the bottom of the steps, you’re being pulled to the side, against the wall where he corners you into, hands on either side. “I’ll be waiting, so you better show up.” Down your back, up your front, his hands run over your body till they rest just under your jaw, making you lift your chin towards him. Breath hitching in your throat, he carefully brings his lips to yours, teasing a soft touch. Then he lets go.

He smiles like nothing happened and you catch your breath before racing to the front door. You hear a soft chuckle and turn to see him winking at you as he goes in the other direction. Hearing voices from the kitchen where the meeting has started, you quickly close the door behind you, ignoring the pulsing between your thighs.

𝄖𝄖

With a basketful of groceries, you stroll through the store, looking for anything you might have missed out. As you walk, you notice from afar, standing right in front of the refrigerated section your new friend Namjoon. You head straight for him, a little bounce in your step. When you stop right next to him, he turns slowly and carefully.

“Oh. It’s you.” He says as he realises.

“Getting some groceries?” You ask, looking at the shelf then back at him.

“Oh just,” he lifts up a bottle of juice, “getting my orange juice. I see you’re getting your monthly supply. You alone?”

“Yeah I am.” You nod, “My roommate’s busy with school stuff.”

“Right.” He smiles, then it seems like a thought comes to him. “Hey, you’re going for the party tonight right?”

“What? How’d you know about that?” You look at him confused.

“I have friends too you know.”

“But, you can’t come. You’re technically faculty.” You say, putting down your basket to fold your arms in front of you and stare him down. “Are you trying to get us in trouble?”

He chuckles, then points and holds up a finger in front of you. “Actually, I’m an external instructor. So technically, I’m not faculty.”

“How convenient.” You eye him down.

“Fine, fine.” He sighs. “It’s been a while since I’ve been to a party, okay? I just wanna mingle.”

“Hm.” You chew on your bottom lip. Seems genuine enough. You can’t help but wonder if he’s there for something else. How will that go down with Jungkook? “An instructor looking to mingle with his students...definitely no red flags there.”

He rolls his eyes at you. “Come on, I’m not that much older than you. And I’m not that kinda person.”

“That’s what they all say.” You shrug. “Well, I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”

“Cool.” He winks. “I’ll see you tonight.”

He walks off way too quickly, like he’s avoiding something and heads straight for the checkout counter. Of course you know why he’d go to a college party; the perfect place to sell his drugs. You can’t figure out if you should let Jungkook know about Namjoon. But then again, he almost always knows what’s going on. And he’d be uneasy knowing you know so much.

You pick up your basket off the floor and head for checkout yourself. Barely making ten steps, you notice someone leaning against the side of a shelf, watching you with his arms crossed, mischievous smile on his face. Your other new friend. How coincidental.

“Suga.” You say, a tone way too excited for his liking but he nods anyway. You walk over to him and stand awkwardly before him, holding your basket with both hands in front of you. “Hi.”

“Hey cutie.” He searches for someone behind you. “Where’s Jungkook?”

“Oh he’s back at home.” You smile. “They’re getting ready for rush week. And the party tonight.”

“Am I invited?”

“Oh, um…” You can tell he’s joking, but you can’t be too sure. How interesting would it be to have Jungkook, Namjoon and Suga in one place. You wonder what would happen if they met.

You chuckle nervously without giving an answer and he shrugs it off. “I was kidding.”

“I guess you can come if you want to.” You say with a tiny shrug. “I’m sure Jungkook won’t mind.”

He changes the subject almost immediately, offering to help you carry your basket, which you politely decline. He walks with you to the counter. “So who was that guy you were talking to?”

Oh, he’s an instructor from school and also the new drug dealer in town. “Oh him? He’s the new self-defense instructor on campus.”

“Really?” He looks amused, and bites his bottom lip in a half-smile. “Cool. And you guys are friends?”

“Yeah. Kinda.” You place your basket on the counter and help the cashier to unload the items to scan. You don’t notice the way Suga laughs silently to himself, shaking his head.

“You know what, I gotta go.” Suga says, walking backwards towards the exit. You don’t even manage to reply to him before he takes off. “Let’s drink again sometime soon!”

𝄖𝄖

Hana is less than pleased to know about your run-ins. She looks at you with daggers in her eyes. “You have to stop this. He obviously knows your plan."

"Stop overreacting. How could he possibly know that?"

She shrugs. The loud music drowns out your voices from being overheard by those around you. "It's hard to believe it was a coincidence running into him.” She says and you sigh, choosing to ignore her.

The last you saw Jungkook, he was laughing away with a group of people. You didn’t want to bother him, he’d be busy anyway trying to get freshies on his side. But it’s been a while and now you don’t see him anywhere.

While Hana mingles, you go off to look for him. In the kitchen, you find Jimin doing shots of something that doesn’t look edible with a bunch of guys cheering him on. But no Jungkook. You peek out on the deck out back but he’s not there either. A hand on the sliding doors, you sigh and step out into the courtyard, breathing in air that doesn’t smell like sweat.

You pause when you step down the stairs and spot something, squinting at the sight of two guys in the far end of the backyard, right by the bush-lined fence. Recognising that jacket, you realise one of them is Jungkook. He then pulls something out of his pocket and shakes hands with the other guy. You turn back before he spots you. Probably just a polite handshake. Maybe with an old friend. Yup.

Step back inside, you’re being stopped by a hand on your arm. “You look flustered.” He says.

“Hi Hoseok.” You force a smile. “It’s warm in here.”

His eyes flicker over to the backyard and back at you. “This is what he does at parties. It’s how he distributes them.”

“So?” You look around uncomfortably.

“I know you don’t like it either.” He stops you before you can reply. “Can you meet me outside in ten minutes? It’s important.”

“You’re already here, what is it? No one’s paying any attention to us anyway.”

“I can’t.”

The sceptical look you give him has him feeling restless. “Trust me, it’s very important.”

From the tone of his voice, he sounds sincere. You don’t want to, but do you want to risk not knowing something that could help you help Jungkook? You hate this. After a long pause, you nod reluctantly. “Fine.”

Neither of you realised the two figures approaching until they’re walking up the steps. Hoseok and you share a look, as if pleading to the other to act normal. As they reach the door, you see now that Jae is the other guy. He greets you as he walks past, then blends into the crowd. Behind him, Jungkook spares you a curious look at the little exchange. He then notices Hoseok’s presence.

“What’s going on?” He looks back and forth at the two of you. “You look upset.”

“Hm? Oh no, I’m fine.” You muster up your best smile. “We were just talking about the guy who puked in the sink earlier.”

“Speaking of which, I should go make sure he’s not puking elsewhere.” Hoseok says, taking his leave.

You can’t tell if Jungkook bought that but he doesn’t question it. His demeanour changes as soon as Hoseok leaves, directing his attention on you. “He wasn’t bothering you, was he?”

“No.” You smile. “I ran into him while looking for some food.”

“Oh⎼”

He doesn’t get a chance to continue when someone he knows slaps him on the back. They chat for a while as he keeps you close next to him, even when you try to pry his fingers off. The other guy drags him somewhere but before he goes, he turns to you. “Grab some food and meet me upstairs, I’ll just be a second.” He winks, stealing a kiss.

“You don’t have to. I’ll just come find you later on it’s fine𝄖”

“You’re not getting rid of me babe.” He jokes and you let out an awkward laugh as he goes.

You haven’t mastered being in two places at once, you’re not a ninja. And in a few minutes, Hoseok will be waiting for you outside. And Jungkook upstairs. You groan, searching the cabinets for some snacks before heading up to Jungkook’s room.

That’s when you notice a familiar blond head among the crowd you. It distracts you. You could’ve sworn that was Suga. But too many people are blocking your line of sight. As you reach the spot you had possibly seen him, he’s gone. You don’t have time to think about this. Swiftly, you run up the steps and head right for Jungkook’s door. And of course, a familiar face exits the washroom on the same floor.

“Namjoon.”

“Why do you look so surprised to see me?” He raises a brow with a playful smile on his face. “I told you I was coming.

You shake your head and look behind you. “Nothing I was just⎼”

“Hogging all the snacks?” He gestures towards the food you’re cradling in your arms and you laugh.

“There’s more downstairs.” You reassure him.

As if on cue, footsteps move swiftly up the stairs and you glance behind to find Jungkook halfway up, a cautious look on his face as he approaches you. Namjoon nods politely. For a moment it’s like you can no longer hear the music blasting, enveloped by the awkward silence.

“Uh, Jungkook this is Namjoon.” You notice the way his jaw clenches as he takes Namjoon’s outstretched hand in his. “And this is Jungkook.”

“The boyfriend. Nice to meet you.” He flashes a blinding smile Jungkook’s way.

“Likewise.”

Namjoon reads the room well and you’re thankful for it. He excuses himself, saving you from having to grease the conversation any further. “See you guys around.” He says, leaving.

Jungkook opens the door for you and you drop the snacks on his table. His fingers immediately wrap around you, lifting you up and throwing you onto the bed. “Finally." He mutters pulling you in.

You giggle nervously as he kisses you all over, pulling away from him. He shoots you a confused look. "Wait I...need the toilet."

He throws his head back but moves aside to let you go. "Okay. I'll wait."

Hurrying out, you close the door and run downstairs, rushing past the sea of bodies to the front door. Once outside, you look around scanning the few faces there for him. Hoseok stands around the corner at the side of the house and calls out your name.

The front and back of the house is well lit, but not the sides. Both of you stand in the shadows by the wall, waiting for him to speak. But he doesn't, instead, he looks around anxiously.

"Hoseok, what is it? You said this is important!" You hiss. "I can't be too long, Jungkook's waiting for me."

"Just give him a second, he'll be here."

"Who?"

"He's here." His eyes focus on a man wearing a navy sweatshirt, hoodie pulled up so you can't really see who it is. He only pulls it down when he joins you in the shadows.

"Hi."

"Y/N, this is Seokjin. He works with my friend."

"Oh. Hello." You watch him curiously. If you could describe a smile as being trustworthy, it would be his.

"Thanks for meeting me," he starts, "I’ll make it quick. It's about a case I'm sure the two of you are familiar with. Actually, I'm here to speak to you, Y/N."

"Me?" You ask, worrying.

"As you know we have an agent working undercover. He's seen you around and since you know about this operation, he’s worried you might get too close, given your relationship with one of the suspects involved. We want to make sure you stay out of it as much as possible."

"But I'm not doing anything to jeopardise the operation."

"We know." He nods, "But still, we have to emphasise that these people are dangerous. You do not want to get involved. You shouldn’t know about this operation in the first place, but nothing we can do about that now.”

Hoseok’s eyes downcast and hands hide in his pockets, knowing he wasn’t supposed to reveal anything to you. “He’s okay right?” He asks softly.

“He’s fine. He personally contacted me to speak with you. And he’s sorry he hasn’t answered his phone, it’s too risky.”

“Who’s this guy again? Do I know him?” You ask.

“You already know too much as it is. I can’t reveal the name of our agent. We can’t risk him getting exposed, it could cost him his life.”

Silence ensues. It’s uncomfortable to think about how someone could literally die from an unfortunate slip of the tongue. You wait for someone to diffuse the tension. Hoseok looks like he’s in thought, opening his mouth to speak then stopping. Seokjin beats him to it. “In case it’s not clear enough, your plan ends here Y/N.”

How does he⎼ oh. So that’s why Hoseok looks troubled. You stare him down and mutter through clenched teeth. “You told him.”

“I didn’t mean to!” He spits out. “When Seokjin called me earlier, I got reminded of you. I had to tell him. And I know you wouldn’t listen to me anyway, so I got him to come here.”

“Listen. I just want to help Jungkook, that’s all.” You sigh. “I promise I won’t get in the way.”

“I get it. Hoseok’s explained it to me.” It’s Seokjin’s turn to sigh. “Doesn’t matter what your intentions are, it’s best if you stay away.”

You look helplessly over at Hoseok, then reluctantly agree with a nod. “I’ll try.”

“No, you see, this isn’t a request. It’s an order. There is a chance you’ll get convicted as part of the group if you don’t keep your distance. Is that what you want?”

“No. But𝄖”

“Good, so we’re on the same page.”

“No, we’re not.” Huffing, you step closer to him. “I’m not doing this for fun. I’m trying to get my boyfriend out of there.”

“I understand. But there’s no telling what could happen. Let us handle it. If he’s innocent, then you don’t have anything to worry about. The most important thing here is that you don’t end up getting caught up in the mess. Do you really want to be associated with criminals?”

“Jungkook’s not a criminal.”

Seokjin holds up his hands in a surrender. “That’s not what I meant.”

Hoseok gulps, gently touching your arm. “Y/N please. Let them handle it.”

“I am letting them handle it.” You say stubbornly before turning back to Seokjin. “Look, I’m just here for Jungkook. Tell that to your guy. I won’t stand in the way of the operation.”

“You do know that this is all off the record?” Seokjin starts, “That means even though our undercover, as well as I, am aware that you’re not involved, if by any chance you’re caught with drugs or anything illegal at the time of the raid, you might get convicted. There will be no records to show that you’re innocent.”

“I understand.”

“Alright.” Seokjin pulls his hoodie back up. Now you can only faintly see the bottom half of his face. “Take care. Remember, no one else can know about this.”

He takes off in quick steps, round the corner and down the street. Hoseok fidgets in his spot, trying to find the right words. “I didn’t make him do this to scare you or anything. Promise.”

“I know, Hoseok.” You smile softly. “But you get it right? Why I’m doing this?”

“Yeah...” he trails off for a moment, then continues. “You saw him earlier didn’t you?”

“I did.” You shake your head with a sigh, “Trust me okay? I’m doing everything I can to help Jungkook, like you wanted me to.”

“I never wanted this. I don’t want you to get hurt if things don’t go as planned.”

“Whatever happens after, I’ll deal with it then.”

𝄖𝄖

Feeling numb, the walk back upstairs feels like you’re on autopilot, barely hearing the buzzing of the crowd. You take a deep breath before turning the knob of Jungkook’s door, willing yourself to forget the last ten minutes ever happened. He’d read you like a book in this state.

But your bright smile is wasted on an empty room.

“Jungkook?”

𝄖𝄖

The next day, you're sitting on the running track, soaked in sweat after a long session of track and field. The coach bids his goodbye as the team continues their cooling down stretches. Hana plops down next to you. “So?”

“What?”

“You wanna talk about it?” She asks, picking dirt off of your cheek with her thumb. “You seemed really out of it last night. Barely spoke the whole day today…”

“I’m sorry.” You shake your head. “Just thinking.”

You decided not to tell her about Seokjin and everything that was said last night. For now at least. She already has reservations about your plan as it is, telling her about Seokjin would just freak her out even more.

“Jungkook called you yet?”

“Mhm.” Technically it was a text, wishing you good morning with a kissy face emoji. Not wanting to make a big deal out of the night before, you reply as you normally would. “Don’t worry about me, I’m just tired actually.”

She hangs an arm over your shoulder and gives you a side hug. “No more parties for you.”

“Yeah they’re kinda lame aren’t they?” You laugh.

After grabbing your stuff, you’re headed for the locker room. You're too deep in thought to realise the girls on your team giggling around you. It isn't until Hana nudges you then nods to bleachers that you realise your boyfriend is waiting for you. He salutes the other ladies with a winning smile as they walk off, before getting off his butt.

The girls mutter quietly, and you hear the words lucky and they're so cute as they leave you. Hana waves to Jungkook before walking ahead. Jungkook trots down the steps and lifts you in a hug.

“Sorry, I’m sweaty.”

“That’s okay,” he smiles, swaying you side to side, “not the first time I have you all sweaty in my arms.”

“Shut up.”

He laughs, then starts swinging your hands as you walk back. “Hey sorry about last night."

"Oh it’s fine. Don't worry about it." You say, with a shake of your head, looking at the ground. "You're a busy man, I know."

"Can I make it up to you? Tonight?"

"Alright." You nod. "I gotta shower first though. And you have to give me a ride back to get some fresh clothes."

"No need to dress up."

"But I want to." You pout and he chuckles.

The sound of whistling and yelling coming from the field gets your attention. It's the soccer team, practice still ongoing. It only just occurred to you that you haven't seen Jungkook there in a while.

"Why aren't you practicing with them anymore? Did you quit?"

Jungkook looks at you with an amused look on his face. "Y/N, I was never part of the team."

"Huh?" You stop in your tracks. "I'm pretty sure I've seen you on that field running after the ball."

"Yeah but I was never really on the team." He reiterates. Now you're confused. "I only practiced with them so I could watch you during track and field."

"What?"

"Have you forgotten? I'm on the basketball team."

Honestly, you hadn’t made the connection that it’s impossible for him to be on both the soccer and basketball teams until now. "No wait, you joined them just to watch me?"

"Yes and no?" He shrugs proudly. "At first it was because I got kicked off the basketball team. Then we started dating. I got to see you every practice. Then I got reinstated on the basketball team. And I didn't wanna stop seeing you during practice so I kept going. Until now."

"Jungkook that is𝄖"

"Sweet?"

"Lowkey creepy."

He lets out a tiny gasp with a look of betrayal on his face. "But...I wanted to see you."

You laugh at the utter disappointment he shows and pat his face, though it feels like a light slap, before running off making him chase after you.

𝄖𝄖

Laying on the hood of his car, with his arm under your neck, Jungkook listens to you talk about anything and everything. In your favourite spot, parked by the beach so you get the cool breeze and the gentle sound of waves crashing onto the shore.

He enjoys listening to you talk about your life; what your childhood was like, what kind of trouble you used to get into, your family. It’s like peeling off a new layer every time. Who knew you used to bully the bully as a kid? And let’s not forget that time you got detention for smoking in school but you only did it to get your dad’s attention so that he would stop dating the evil girlfriend who threatened to send you off to boarding school.

“Baby are you...a troublemaker?” He muses and you laugh.

“Well I was. I grew out of it.” You shrug and look up at him. “Kinda.”

“Would’ve never guessed. You’re so shy. And good.”

“Yeah. Once I realised how my behaviour was affecting people’s liking towards me, I changed.”

He smiles tenderly at you, always so full of surprises. You play with the hem of his sweater, then look up at him. “What about you? You haven’t told me anything about your past.”

Not once has he shared his own stories. You never asked because you didn’t want to pressure him. But you’re almost out of stories yourself.

Jungkook looks up at the sky for a while. You sense the hesitance. “There’s nothing much to say.”

“What about...your family? Do you have any siblings?”

There’s no reply, only the sound of the waves crashing and a distant laughter from a group of friends on the beach. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.” Propping yourself up on your elbow, you see now the faint sparkle in his eyes. Could be the cool breeze making his eyes water. He blinks it away when you stare. “We can talk about other things.”

He smiles as his eyes scan your face before you’re snuggling into his side again. “I like hearing your stories.”

“But I’ve told you everything.”

“What about your first kiss?”

You groan. “I’ve told you that one. It was during camp. He pushed me into the lake after that because it was all a dare.”

“Oh right and then you threw all his clothes into the lake as revenge.”

“Yeah.” You laugh. “It was pretty funny.”

He laughs thinking about tiny Y/N lugging a big bag full of clothes and dumping it into a lake as the owner yells in horror. Who knew you had it in you. You’re always so calm and by the book, it’s almost like a whole other person.

“Can you tell me about your tattoo?” You look up at him.

He smirks, turning his head to the side towards the arm it’s on. It’s a tiger head on the upper bicep of his right arm. Made up of shapes, lines, squiggles, it has sharp piercing eyes. It’s beautiful, really. “It’s just something to represent my loyalty towards my brothers.”

You’ve never seen this mark on the other frat boys, so you assume he’s talking about his other group of brothers. “It’s nice. I like it.”

“Mhm.” It’s tough to crack him. He never reveals more than what he thinks you need to know.

After a while, you pluck up the courage to ask him about the job. “Have you thought about what we discussed?” You ask softly, playing with his fingers.

“What did we discuss?”

“About the job,” you remove yourself from him again and this time get on your knees, “about me working at the club?”

He sighs, looking at you like the stubborn teenager in your stories. “I already told you no.”

“You won’t even consider it.” You pout.

He smiles, surprisingly. “After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that you’ve been rejected. You don't have what it takes.”

“Rude!” You huff, “I have all that it takes.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes I do! I’m tough.” You spit out. You strike an awkward pose, doing something weird with your arms. “I have swag.”

It makes him laugh so hard he starts tearing and almost choke on his saliva. Embarrassed, you laugh along, hitting him on his chest. Cheeks hurting from all that, he opens his arms. “Come here you.”

You drop into him, mostly to hide your face in his shoulder. He holds you tight, a content sigh escapes him as he does. “I love you so much.” He says into your ear.

Lifting your head up to face him, he smiles tenderly at you, softly tracing a finger over your face, the lulling movement making your eyes flutter shut.

𝄖𝄖

“You got a problem with me?” Namjoon says to the smaller guy.

Suga smirks bitterly, unimpressed by how the new guy has no respect whatsoever towards him. “I do actually. What’s your deal?”

“What d’you mean?”

“You appear out nowhere, get dispatched to our district. Same area as Jungkook no less...are you trying to replace us?”

“Hey, I didn’t choose the location.” Namjoon shrugs. “Maybe if you guys didn’t suck so bad they wouldn’t have asked me to secure the bags.”

He braces himself as Suga lunges forward, shoving him against the wall, his collar bunched up in clenched fists. Surprisingly strong for a small dude. “You don’t come work for us and talk shit about us to my face.”

Namjoon tugs on his clothes, pulling them out of Suga’s grip. He clears his throat and tries to calm himself. “My bad. Next time I’ll do it behind your back.”

“What are you up to? You took a job on campus, why? Jungkook’s already got that covered.”

“Like I said, I didn’t choose to. I was sent there.” He steps forward, making Suga take a few steps back.

“Liar.”

“Look if you have a problem with it, take it up with the lieutenant.” Namjoon walks off, angering the other guy even more. The nerve of this new kid makes his blood boil. There’s something off about him, there’s no way the bosses would send a new guy in for no reason.

He stomps his way into Kyun’s office, slamming the door behind him. Kyun looks up, sees him, and goes back to his laptop. “What?”

“Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that RM guy?” Suga says, pulling up a chair.

“No. Why?”

“He’s so full of himself.”

“Name one person working here that isn’t,” Kyun says, “besides, you should be thankful I assigned him to you. Jungkook’s been slacking.”

“I told you, the school’s keeping an eye on him. He’s taking it slow.”

Suga can’t remember how many times he’s used that excuse. He can’t come right out and admit that Jungkook has in fact been slacking. Or rather, distracted. Not to mention the time Jungkook considered leaving all of this behind. It’s no surprise the lieutenant’s picked up on it.

“Whatever.” Kyun mutters, obviously tired of having this conversation.

“Wait,” the wheels in Suga’s head turn and he looks curiously at his lieutenant, “you’re not doubting Jungkook are you? Did you send RM in to replace him?”

“If Jungkook’s doing a good job like you seem to think he is, why would you be worried about this?”

Suga purses his lips, “He’s fine. He hasn’t missed any of his shifts. I couldn’t have gotten shit done at the club without him.”

“Numbers are still low though.”

“That’s because you’ve got the new kid stealing all his buyers.”

“RM’s good and the staff there seem to trust him. He stays.”

“Fine. Then get off Jungkook’s back about his numbers. He can’t sell drugs the same as before if you have another dealer there competing with him.”

Kyun thinks about it for a minute, then nods. “Alright fine. Anyway, it’s good that you’re here now. I can run through what boss wants you to get up and running at the club.”

It hits Suga that Kyun having doubts about Jungkook is bad news, at least, if word travels up the hierarchy. While Jungkook had promised to keep up, Suga intends to make sure he actually does. He can’t afford anymore slip-ups. Or distractions, in the form of you. He can’t let anything happen to Jungkook.

𝄖𝄖

Sneaking back into the house at such an ungodly hour, you guide Jungkook in the dark, careful not to make a sound.

Back in your room, his jacket and shirt are the first to go. He lifts you up and carries you to the bed, lips not parting from each other.

Slipping under your shirt, he unhooks your bra and pulls your shirt with it over your head. Lips smiling on yours, his hands knead your breasts and you feel your nerves reacting. He trails wet kisses down your front, fingers undoing your jeans and pulling them off in a single swoop.

He removes his own pair of jeans, leaving him in his boxers. Then, kneeling by your legs, he gently peels your panties off, taking in the view of your naked body, lighted up by the warm yellow of your nightlight. If he could, he’d engrave this image of you in his head.

His eyes wide and lustful, they trail over you. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispers.

Hovering above you, he strokes the side of your face, before pressing his body to yours in a soft gentle kiss. He moves so gently, like you could break at any moment. When your hands wrap around his neck, he grabs hold of your wrists, pinning them above your head. You let out a soft whimper.

Jungkook takes his time, showering your skin with kisses. Starting from your neck down to your navel. He licks one side of your breast, teasingly drawing circles with his tongue along the nipple, then gives the same attention to the other. Your breathing gets hitched in your throat, feeling the blood rush down south.

He brings his mouth lower, hands now occupying your breasts where his mouth was. It sends you butterflies the way his hot breath brushes against your skin. There’s something different about the way he’s touching you tonight.

He spares some kisses down your inner thighs and watches the way goosebumps appear as they try to clam up reflexively.

Hands on your thighs, he pushes them apart and runs a teasing lick over your folds. Then his tongue finds its way to your clit, flicking it gently before his lips wrap around it and he starts gently sucking. You jolt and take in a sharp breath grabbing a fishful of the sheets.

His fingers delicately touch your folds, running a teasing finger over your entrance. Looking up from between your thighs, he watches the way you steady your breaths, eyes closed, brows furrowed.

It doesn’t last long and when you open your eyes, he’s hovering over you, licking his lips. Very eagerly you pull down the hem of his boxers, exposing his hard cock. His own fingers wrap around it, stroking himself gently as he reaches for a bottle of lube. He stares at you with a look you can’t read.

“Something on your mind?” You voice out.

He shakes his head with a gentle smile and takes his position between your legs, your thighs over his. Aligning himself with your entrance, he grips your ankles on either side. Slowly, he enters and you will yourself not to make a sound at the initial stretch.

Jungkook keeps a steady pace, watching intently the way he moves in and out of you. You can’t help but to stare at him and the way his abs clench every time he moves his hips into you. The flexing of his arms every now and then, keeping your legs steady. And the way the warm light casts shadows dancing over his body as he moves.

“Jungkook.” You call out for him, so softly.

He releases your ankles and leans forward, resting his body on yours. Pressing his forehead to you, he admires the look of lust in your eyes and the way you’re biting your bottom lip. “Yes, my love?”

Your fingers run over his face. You’re too occupied with the pleasure of him inside you that your brain refuses to put your thoughts into words. He chuckles when you only manage a breathy smile instead.

Your wrists get pinned over your head once again, and he watches you from above. Every thrust is deep and filling, his hips moving expertly to give you just the right amount of pleasure, leaving you a hot mess beneath him.

You look absolutely breathtaking to him; the parting of your lips, eyes shut and shaky breaths. Your breasts bounce with every thrust and your chest rises and falls with every breath you take. He lets out a low guttural sound and presses his body to yours, devouring your lips in a passionate kiss.

His hips pick up speed, grinding into you with calculated moves. You get lost in each other, a mixture of your quick breaths filling the room. The look in his eyes is mirrored in yours, waves of emotions flowing between both your bodies and soul.

Jungkook can’t describe his feelings for you. It’s something he hasn’t felt in a long time; warmth, love, trust, acceptance. All he knows is to tell you he loves you and hopes you get it.

Your eyes get misty as you let your own emotions get to you, feeling the twinge in your chest when you look at him.

Arms wrapping around his waist, your tongues dance between your lips. He knows all the right spots to leave you breathless. You feel it building in the pit of your stomach, and pull away from the kiss, no longer in control of your actions.

Jungkook feels it too, sensing the pressure between your hips as they wrap tightly around him. He steadies himself and gives you long, deep strokes, as he watches your breaths get quicker. The euphoric look on your face earns a grunt of approval from him.

Not wanting to hold back any longer, his hips grind into yours at a quicker pace, feeling himself reaching his release. His mouth latches on to your nipple, sucking it for a second before he hears small whines leaving you, signalling you’re close.

Willing yourself to keep your eyes open, you place a hand on the side of his face, making sure his eyes stay on yours. It gets blurrier with the way tears start to fill your eyes. “I love you.” You blurt out in a whisper and he rests his forehead on yours as he thrusts hard, one which makes your insides squirm.

Jungkook’s breath hitches in his throat as he watches you. A single tear rolls down the side of your face as you start to reach your high. “I love you Y/N.” He breathes out against your lips before capturing you in a kiss. With one hard thrust, you find yourself succumbing to the pressure in your middle, unravelling a wave of pleasure that courses through your entire body, chest rising towards him and hands keeping him close.

Watching you, he reaches his own climax, hips bucking wildly into yours, and you feel his warm release spilling inside you, his moans lost in the kiss. It takes a while before his hips slow down into a gentle rhythm. Your body goes limp as you ride it out, drained of energy.

He catches his breath with his head on yours and when you finally catch each other’s eyes, you share a giggle. He shines in his afterglow, a look of pure bliss on his face. But he could say the same for you, thumb running over your cheek to wipe off the tear stains.

In that moment, it feels as if you’re staring right into his soul. He stares back at you, as if trying to say something more than what’s been said, worrying once again about conveying what’s in his heart. But you just smile back.

“I know, Jungkook. I know. I love you too.”

#jungkook fics #networkbangtan #kwritersworldnet #jungkook x you #jungkook smut #jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios #rainworks #my #hope you like it :(

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lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks · 3 years

Note

Oh my gosh so I also headcannon Jack as autistic! But im not comfortable with writing it yet because idk how. Im not autistic; my little sister is and i know a few things jack could have trouble with... but hes a grown ass man so i just dont know. Im definitely taking notes on what you write him as but could you give me some pointers?....maybe?

Im mostly referencing to Bitter with this

aaaa yeah it definitely presents differently in adults who've learned to mask, personally I don't plan to put certain things in specifically to talk about how he's autistic, I write with the background knowledge of what traits he displays, and then express them when relevant, it's relevant a lot with Jack simply due to how much it affects his life

now this is going to get long, so bare with me, because this is a whole lot more complicated than you might expect

there's really no one correct way to write Jack, since there's no one way that autism presents itself, the way I write him is based on a mix of myself and some people in my family, so I can give you a basic idea of what angle I personally come from

for one, I change the way I write about facial expressions and how emotions come across to Jack, in Jazz's chapters I'll write about the exact emotion she can see on their face, with Jack's I'll go with an obvious base emotion, but then if the person is expressing something more complicated, I'll describe their face in physical details

eg;

Jazz POV - Danny was upset, but his face was tight with frustration

Jack POV - Danny looked sad, but his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a hard line

it's a subtle difference but it's one I try to maintain throughout Bitter, Jack's POV is based on how I have trouble reading non-obvious expressions, although in my case I also have trouble looking people in the face when I talk to them, that's harder to write in an emotion driven POV story, so I made Jack better at that than I am

his interest in machines is quite obvious, since he's an inventor, and he looooves infodumping on people, he gets very excited about his passions very quickly and his mouth runs off with him, something I also have trouble with, it hasn't been a prominent trait for Jack in Bitter, because he's so out of his element he's mostly confused and in a way, almost grieving his own death, so he's been far quieter than he usually is

his special interest is obviously ghosts and machinery, and in Bitter I cover that he's got a degree in engineering, physics and mathematics. He's good at them, I like to look at it as though Jack rolled high in intelligence and low in wisdom, he's book smart, he knows things that are straightforward and have firm rules, he's less comfortable in topics that are more wishy washy and vague, biology is complicated and has too many variables, he finds it difficult to grasp, there's no one standard rule that applies to every body

I also struggle with vague and unclear directions, I need a solid structure and clear instructions, my strength is in sorting, organising, alphabetising and colour coding, I like things to Look Right, I stick to a particular routine with very specific things, and it's viscerally uncomfortable and even distressing for me to have that order disturbed, I nearly had a meltdown at work because someone had done a part of my job incorrectly, and I had to fix it, it made me genuinely upset on a personal level, it was MY system, NOBODY should be touching it, NOBODY should be moving things around, they do anyway, and I spend a portion of my shifts just frustrated and on edge because of it

Jack also has issues socially, he often says or does things that other people find uncomfortable or embarrassing, I reference that in Bitter, where Jack assumes everyone is mad at him because he said or did something stupid, this I have much experience in, while in the middle of a social situation it's easy to just do what comes naturally to you and not realise it's off putting to other people, because people often play polite and you can't tell that they're uncomfortable, even though people around you find it painfully obvious

sometimes it's easy to see in hindsight after you've been told you made something awkward or uncomfortable, but in the moment if nobody says anything about it, you can remain either totally oblivious, or become anxious and second guess every interaction you have

Jack is the oblivious type, he's fortunate to live in a family that is fairly understanding, they might get frustrated with him, or embarrassed by him, but they don't really take it personally, they KNOW he means well, they know he cares, and Jack does care, he cares a lot, he feels things a lot, he's incredibly empathetic

this is a trait that a lot of media likes to ignore in depictions of autism, because I guess it makes people with autism seem 'too normal', when tv shows always want to be like 'hey wow look at this clever asshole! isn't he clever, but also an asshole! but you can't hate him because he's ✨autistic✨ and he can't help it'

that bothers me a lot, I mean some people with autism do have trouble relating and empathising with people, my brother is one of them, but some people with autism really empathise a lot, some of us feel things very strongly, I'm highly empathetic and it's a real struggle to cope with

so yeah, it is a very complicated thing, so you need to go in with an idea of what their character struggles with, how it affects them, and when it's relevant in the story, also autism falls on a very wide spectrum, some people, like myself, are able to mask well, but that creates a big issue with identity, when you start to wonder how much of you is real and how much of you is mask, then you have to decide if you want to lower that mask and accept the social consequences of expressing yourself naturally

I have a friend who presents a little more obviously, he's very rigid in his ways and he talks like he's reading from a script, I have another friend who can socialise just fine, but will go into a total meltdown when a plan gets derailed and she doesn't know what to do next

another friend I have is highly social and incredibly boisterous, she stims with her whole body, dances around a lot, she's chaotic and that can be off-putting to people, she's had to spend a lot of her life holding that back, she's only recently started learning how to be herself shamelessly

my brother was incredibly social when he was younger, and people always really loved him, but most of that is mask, he's socially anxious and just wants to be alone most of the time, and he's a total prick to his immediate family, I don't take that personally any more, since now I understand that he's so blunt and brutally honest because he isn't masking with us, but also he still needs to be called out when he oversteps, autism might be why he has difficulty empathising, but it's not an excuse to be a complete asshole, even people with autism need to be called out on shitty behaviour, it isn't a get out of jail free card, our self expression shouldn't come at the cost of hurting other people, most of us are more than capable of learning to not be an asshole

I know this is like, A LOT, but these are the things that need to be considered when writing about autism, it is an all encompassing thing that permeates your entire life experience, I absolutely welcome people like you to try to write about it! Because I think it shouldn't be a taboo subject, and I appreciate that you asked for advice and that you want to do it respectfully, you've probably seen first hand how difficult living with autism can be, having a family member on the spectrum, so you already have some experience to draw from, I don't know your relationship with your sister or how old she is, or where on the spectrum she falls, but if possible you can ask her about her experiences in particular situations that you're having trouble writing, if that's something you and she are comfortable with

I hope this helps, just remember to keep an open mind and listen to any feedback you might get, it is very VERY easy to misrepresent autism so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite get it right, if someone gives you a critique, take it in stride and use it to become better ~ you can even express that in an authors note, that you want to write it accurately and invite anyone with experience to share their opinion, because like I said, it is different for everyone and my experiences are not universal, and you're welcome to run something by me every once in a while if you aren't sure about it ❤️

#asks #autism #danny phantom #bitter #jack fenton #this shit be COMPLICATED y'all

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angleicblossom · 3 years

Text

Levi Ackerman One shot <3

im so so so sorry its this long i got totally carried away

More soft Levi x sad oc because I feel the need to project my own feelings into a situation that will never really happen 😊.

Another day of training finished at around 7pm, I slowly made my way into the mess hall to have a meal before heading to bed, not like I was very hungry anyways.

These last few weeks, maybe months, I hadn't been feeling myself, not like I was a very outgoing person to begin with, but I at least tried to socialise with the others but now it feels like a chore so now I don’t even bother, I just wake up go through with my day, eat if I can and then sleep and recently it's been making me frustrated with myself causing me to snap more than I usually do during training and I think people are starting to notice.

As one of the first I was able to grab a plate with food on it quickly and slide into the end of one of the benches in the bottom corner. I picked around at the meat, vegetables and potatoes moving it around a little, not really having an appetite. A few people slid into bench alongside me and in front of me, it was Hange, Erwin, Eren and Captain Levi, they made small talk around me, I didn’t pay much attention to them and then I decided to get rid of my untouched food.

“Oi, where do you think you are going Kasey?” Levi voices called out and stopped me in my tracks and look back at him but avoiding his eye contact that he was sternly holding with me “I'm... uh not feeling the best” is all I could muster up as an excuse “well maybe if you ate a little you would feel better, you can't sleep on an empty stomach, right Hange” Commander Erwin commented and Hange nodded along spooning meat into her mouth, I sigh internally but put on a smile and nod whilst making my way back to the corner to wait them out but Levi grabs my wrist causing me to pull and resist a little on instinct but he ignores it “Eren move down so Kasey can sit next to me” Levi ordered and Eren tilts his head but moves anyways “can’t have a solider skipping meals” he says bluntly and nods his head towards the plate and so I sit down next to Levi, a little too close to the point of our thighs touching but he doesn’t seem fazed by it and continues eating his half eaten food along with the others, I can still wait them out.

I poke around it some more and eat small bites of the vegetables for another 10 minutes and by then it was only me and Levi left at the table, he lets out a loud sigh next to me and pushes his plate away from him and takes a sip of his tea “are you really not going to eat that” he turned his face to me and look at me then the plate with furrowed eyebrows and I just shrugged “ Captain, I don’t feel too-” “yeah yeah you don’t feel good, of course” he rolled his eyes and didn’t even let me finish making a bit of guilt fill me, he was only looking out for me “anyway your dismissed I hope to see you eat more” I nodded and never moved quicker to get out of the mess hall with Levi’s stare burning me in the back.

I made it to my room which I thankfully didn’t share with anyone, I unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt and undid all my straps and took them off to try feel a bit more relaxed, I took a long shower I think I was in there for about 25 minutes maybe more and I changed into a tank top and some shorts due to the summer heat that was creeping up on us. I brushed out my damp hair so there were no knots after doing this it was around 9pm and I was now laying on my bed staring at the ceiling when I suddenly heard a knock at my door making me snap my head towards the door and then it began to open.

“Who is it” I say, trying to see the person entre “Its Levi” He answers as he continues to push the door open with his foot because his hands were holding two cups of tea? I rush up to help him and open the door then close it behind him “is everything okay, Captain?” he just looks me up and down, nods and carefully sets one of the cups of tea on my nightstand next to my bed and then takes a seat on a spare chair at the end of my single bed. I felt a little awkward seeing him like this, he had a black long sleeved fitting top on, and some black sweatpants and he came here in his socks too, I looked around the room not keeping my focus on him “the tea is for you” he nods towards it and takes a sip of his own “I added some tea herbs that go well with the black tea that helps to calm you” He continued on and it was sort of...cute hearing him talk about something other than killing titans or anything titan related really, I smiled lightly and took the tea in my hand and took a sip, testing it out I had never had black tea never mind herbs.

I can feel Levi watching me intently as I remove the cup from my lips carefully “do you like it” I thought about it for a few moments, it was a little bitter with a tint of citrus to it as well “I like it, Ive never tasted something like this” I shift my eyes to him and take another drink before sitting it down and Levi keeps his in his lap, holding it in his unusual way. I was still confused on why he was here, and I wasn’t sure if he was going to tell me, I looked at him again and he was looking down into his teacup and swirling the tea around “I think I was a little harsh on you or maybe too blunt” he says out randomly and I'm shocked by him expressing this to me “oh no Captain please-” he cut me off again “just call me Levi there’s no need for the formalities, I've been watching you here and there during training and noticed how you aren’t doing as well as you used to do” so someone did notice, but Levi was the last person I would expect to notice a random cadet feeling blue about her life, I didn’t know how to answer him so I just looked down at my bare legs in front of me and he lets out a small sigh and piches his nose “Look.. I’m.... worried about you Kasey” after he said this, I feel the heat rise to my cheeks and try to hide it with my hair and grab the teacup and drink some more of the tea to distract myself, he coughs a little and shuffles around “I don’t want you to get injured or injure yourself if you aren’t looking after yourself here”.

He gets up and makes his way to sit next me on the bed and moves my hair from my face to behind my ear and I move my face away from his hand quickly after this and furrow my eyebrows “Kasey...” “sorry I'm just not used to being touched” he was quick to answer “don't apologise” I just nodded “are you.. Enjoying yourself being a cadet, Kasey?” this question makes me look up at him and he continues “is it that you don’t want to be here anymore? Are you regretting your decision picking the scouts?” he questioned, sounding a bit sad and I bite my lip, it's not that I don’t enjoy it I just don’t know how to, I fiddle with my fingers not knowing how to answer him “don't stay silent, I want to help you”

I look at him with tears starting to swell up in my eyes, but I don’t let them fall out of my eyes “it’s...it’s not that, Levi I, I can’t feel anything good, I never feel happiness or relief or anything after I finish my training, I... I can't even talk to anyone because I don’t know how or what to say and it feels so exhausting even trying to interact with others, all I would do is let them down, there’s just nothing for me here... or anywhere, sometimes I wish to disappear, so I don’t have to live like this, I want to be able to feel all the good emotions but it's like... they just don’t exist inside me anymore and I don’t know how to get them back and I feel so alone here like no one understands this and I can't explain how I feel it's not like I should be this sad right? but I can tell you... I don’t regret joining the scouts” I put my face into hands and let tears out and I try to stifle my cries “H-how can I help you Kasey” he leans into me, I wipe my eyes and sit up straight and look into his eyes, why is he here.

Without thinking I put my head into his lap and fling my legs up onto my pillow so I'm lying on my side staring at the door, I lay my hands on his knees and he tenses up a little “just... stay here with me, Levi?” I ask more than say and I feel him stretch over me to set him teacup next to mine and sit upright again and he starts to run his hands from the top of my scalp to the bottom of my almost dry hair “okay... I will” I sigh with a bit of comfort knowing I won't be alone, for tonight at least, “Levi... why did you come?” his hands pause for a moment then returns to their actions “Honestly, I'm not sure, I just had a feeling I had to come see you, but I must admit Kasey... I've always been a bit more than... interested in you and I didn’t want to leave a bad impression since we’ve only spoken a few times” I went wide eyed for a moment, more than interested? What did that mean? I didn’t give him an answer only feeling a bit of surprise hearing this from the Captain, I sit up and look at his lips then his eyes “what do you think of me, Kasey?” I didn’t know how to answer or what I wanted to say to him.

I lean in and close my eyes and Levi’s hand snakes up to cup my cheek and our lips touch and I furrow my eyebrows and lean in more, putting one of my hands on his lap and another on his chest. Levi begins to take the lead of the kiss a little more, tilting his head and with his other hand he pushed my hair away from my shoulder, I try lean in even more and Levi pulls away “you were almost pushing me over” he let out a small breathless laugh and rubbed his hair, I blush at how in the moment I got, and I mumble a sorry to him and catch my breath whilst looking at my lap, I look back up at Levi and he’s already looking at me, “what was that for?” I nibbled on my lip again and looked away to the side “I didn’t know what to say” Levi grinned a little “I’m glad we’re feeling the same way... sort of... don’t worry, I might not be able to bring your emotions back per say but... I can try show you that no one wants you to disappear and that you are never alone” he ducked down to look into my eyes that I was avoiding “okay?” He reached for my hand and lay his on top of mine and I blushed again “okay” I whispered back with a smile.

“it’s pretty late, aren't you tired?” I shrug and fumble with my fingers “a little, are you?” “a little” he replied back “that single bed looks a little cramped for the both of us, would you like to come back to my room?.... you don’t have to” “that would be nice” I answered without a second thought on that, sharing a double bed with Levi? Yes please.

We both head out down the very quiet, cold and dimly lit corridors, turning right once and left once a few moments after the right turn before reaching Levi’s office, I've been in his office many times delivering notes and other things that Hange wanted to give him but always sent me, he opens the door and lets me walk in first then comes in after then closes and locks the door “this way” he says and takes me to another door that is where his bedroom must be. When I entre there is a big double bed with white silk sheets and a wooden headboard in the middle of the room “come on” he says quietly and opens the sheets for me to hop into the left side, I quickly snuggle into the sheets and bring them up to my nose, the smell of Levi surrounding me, he goes around and takes off his top, I couldn’t help but watch his back muscles move as he done the action I blush a little and look up at him once he turned around and gets into the bed with me and I suddenly feel a lot warmer than I already was “are you okay with this?” he whispered “yes” I whisper back and giggle a little at our hushed tone “good” he moves towards me and pulls me into him, and I let him, totally indulged in his warmth and scent, he rests his head on my head with his arms wrapped around me “get some sleep” “you too” I say and put my scrunched up hands on his chest and place a small kiss in the middle of his chest and drift to sleep

#levi attack on titan #snk levi #levi x reader #shingeki no kyoujin levi #attack on titan #attack on titan fiction #aot #levi ackerman fluff #fluff #aot smut #smut #so much fluff #soft levi #levi ackerman #levi x oc #levi one shot #aot oneshots #oneshot

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toriliashine · 3 years

Text

Watch Gonta’s FTE’s and I’m-

(words in Italics are just some personal extra thoughts lmao )

Homeboy was USED, TALKED ABOUT BUT NOT SAVED.

HE WAS MADE OUT TO BE SOME MYTHICAL FIGHTER WHO WAS TALKED ABOut throughout Asia (based on his opponents while he was STILL STUCK IN THAT FOREST). SO people knew about him but talked so much about his strength that people just saw him as some mythical fighter to attempt to beat without saving or trying to get him out of the forest?

So he fought loads of battles, might not have picked up that they were being mean to him ( or didn’t have the best intentions at heart), picked up some language and stuff from them and he. beat them all? Even a professional wrestler apparently? how strong is this guy? And for him to beat professionals he doesn’t just have brute strength but also tact and quick reflexes in hand to hand combat so :O.

ASIAHSHIAKSJAL Kokichi putting him to sleep with his big words, you love and hate to see it. They have a really cute relationship though. like imagine Kokichi feeling free to ramble to this man about whatever because he knows Gonta won’t be mean about it.

AAJKSLK GONTA MIXED UP GENTLEMEN WITH PHANTOM THIEVES FOR A HOT SECOND SKJNDKLANMSL. grape boi wouldve loved to hear that.

HE’S MIXING UP WHAT GENTLEMEN ARE - WHERE IS HE GETTING THIS INFORMATION -

He’s so sweet. I wonder why he wants to be a gentleman specifcally though. Where did he learn to want to be one? And if he’s so fixed on becoming one why doesn’t he have a fixed definition of what one is yet?

Gonta had a whole rich? human family and they didn’t give him gifts often? Did they adopt him thinking he was a charity case and he should be gRaTeFuL?? fuck fuck fuck.

Come on Shuichi at least try to lead him to where he can find Gentlemanly information come on....

FUCK FUCK HIS FAMILY, his human family is rich and know and well respected but they lost one of their kids for 10 WHOLE YEARS. and when he comes back and talks about the animals and stuff he grew up with they show pure disdain?? At least use some of your money to make up for LOSING YOUR OWN SON and make a conserve zoo thing to keep the wildlife he recognized safe in his honour??? Disgusting fucks, they blamed Gonta’s forest family for him not developing and socialising properly but not themselves for losING THEIR OWN KID FOR A DECADE?????? Did they get him therapy, psychologist, anyone that would bother to understand him from his perspective???

Gonta’s becoming a gentleman because he wants his human family to accept his forest family as proof that they didn’t ‘ruin him’ omgggg ;;;-;;;

Shuichi what the fuck do you mean ‘i think he’ll never become a gentleman’, I’ll reach through this screen and strangle you with my bare hands you discount hot topic emo fuck.

I understand that Gonta wants to be a respectable person but its sure that what he may define to be a respectable person may not be fully inline with what his human family wants, i’m scared for his future if he goes back to them :(. mans is NOT being treated right.

fuck yEAH HE’S IMPRESSIVE. GAS HIM UP!! TALK ABOUT ALL THE NEW SPECIES HE’S FOUND AND THE NEW CULTIVATION METHODS AND THE BOUNDARIES HE BROKE IN INSECT COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING FUCK YEAH.

he wants to become gentleman for forest family omg q-q. I know a it of him personally wanting to be one for himself is also seeping in but wow he misses and loves them so much.

He learnt his ultimate with his forest family. His forest family were reptiles. Did the reptiles learn to eat them when he wasn’t looking to not make him sad? or.

Wait does Gonta have some reptilean behaviours he picked up but hasn’t shown anyone :o.

Gonta: Oh no, this bug got its leg broken and can’t work properly anymore!

Everyone: gonta don’t be sad it can just rest in p-

Gonta: *eats it* anyway

Everyone: WHAT THE F-

Shuichi: as long as u do your best as ultimate entomologist, your family will be proud of you!

Babe, were u listening. They’d be proud of his work, of him titles and fame. But they won’t be proud of him as a person. But hey, whatever gets the ball rolling.

Yes he IS a more amazing person that he thinks he is TELL HIM SAIHARA <333

AT THE END OF THE FTES HE NOW CHOOSES TO BECOME A GENTLEMAN FOR HIMSELF. NOT FOR REPUTATION OR TO PLEASE HIS HUMAN FAMILY, FOR HIMSELFFF. LOVE TO SEE IT.

they squeezed handdds <333

NOT THE LOINCLOTH UNDERWER HBAKSIFSOHALB

Extra thoughts!! Idc, i feel like he has adhd/add or SOMETHING. He has some kind of disorder but apparently some cultures in asia don’t speak much about that kind of thing so he may just have gone a long time thinking something was wrong with him? baby... But it is true that, though he is getting better, when he was growing up after he left the forest with other people - he had problems picking up social cues like when people are lying or mean well to him. hmmm

#gonta gokuhara #free time events #my rambling while i listen to thiss #watched the whole thing naksanl #ndrv3 #danganronpa #killing harmony

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

Note

I'm sorry to come ruin your day with my unending pessimism, but I'm just tired of being told I have to socialise more. I mean, I know socialising is good, and I do have friends --even a best friend I talk to every day and who wants to come go to university with me so as not to our friendship.

But I really do value my alone time, and want to spend most weekends just chilling at home, studying, reading, writing AND texting my best friend. I don't necessarily want to hang out, but my parents 100% think there's something wrong with me because I'm not away from home 'too often'. My mother has practically threatened me to hang out this weekend.

Only a year ago this wouldn't have bothered me too much, but my home situation is kinda shitty (my parents argue nonstop with my brother, there's screaming and shouting virtually every day...) and I think that's affecting my self-esteem and in turn making me think there is something wrong with me. When rationally I know I wouldn't like to hang out too often, primarily because going to discos, drinking alcohol, and being surrounded by 10+ people isn't exactly my cup of tea. Something that my parents say I should like is, in fact, very exhausting.

On top of that, I'm finishing high school this year, so I'm being hella busy with school, helping friends (because I'm a Straight-A™ student) university entrance exams... And I'm ready for it, but its just adding onto the 'there's-something-wrong-with-me-because-I'm-an-introvert'

Anyways, my home-fuelled lack of self-esteem is also making me think no one actually likes me, that if people are being nice to me it's because they have to and not because they mean it, that I'm not really my friends's friend (except my best friend)... And I already went through something similar three years ago (also because of home, but this had to do with my mother shouting and yelling at me, not my brother) and it was horrible. Like, crying-in-the-school's-bathroom-every-day horrible. And I really don't need that when I should be focusing on my studies because it's difficult to get into the university I want.

I'm sorry for leaving such a mess in your inbox :(

Hello,

Mess is good :)

I understand what you mean. It can be awful be pressured to socialize. Honestly, it’s awful when anyone tries to do something that is outside your comfort zone.

I really do think we should get out of our comfort zone and try new things and meet new people etc - but these are things you should do on your own terms. You have to do it when you want and how you want it.

I think you are in the right place. You seem to know who you are and what you like and what you want and what makes you comfortable. That’s a very good thing. Congratulations on that.

But when people are very sure of who they are, it makes other people uncomfortable. Cause we are not supposed to have this clarity so young. That’s why our parents push us around because they don’t think we have it all figured it out and they think we don’t know what’s best for us.

But you do. Don’t forget that.

The good news is that university is one of the best places to figure this shit out. You are kind of fall into a rhythm of meeting people and making friends - but at your own pace. Of course it comes with its own vulnerabilities, but that’s all part of it.

So, simply focus on what you are doing right now. On your studies. On your exams. On your admissions. You are doing a great job so far.

If you “have” to appease your mother, tell her that you are hoping to join clubs and societies when you join university and it will be easier for you to find like minded people. But tell her that right now you need to focus on getting into the university.

PS - if you are on tumblr (and reaching to me and part of the tsc fandom) then you are still socializing (but according to a way that makes sense to you. People make friends and create relationships in different ways. If this is one is yours, then don’t let people tell you you are doing it wrong.

Good luck and just continue being you 💚

#suppprt

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misskikuwrites · 3 years

Text

Shattered Glass

Bederia Week 2021: Day 2 - First Date

Bede/Gloria (dressedinpinkshipping)

Tags: fluff, angst

Words: 8,328

@bede-x-gloria

Gloria curled her legs beneath her on the wooden chair, holding the steaming mug of tea close for warmth. Spring had finally come to Galar, but the spacious Pokemon Lab in Wedgehurst carried a lingering chill in the air. That was probably part of the reason why Hop always wore his lab coat. Otherwise, it was the sense of pride and achievement that drove him to don it day after day- he wore it with his head high, sitting across from Gloria at the dining table nestled by the entrance to the lab. She couldn't begin to feel cold, or worry about it, with bigger things on her mind.

"What am I going to do, Hop?" she sighed. "The Gala is next week."

He sipped at his coffee, unperturbed. "So? Do what you did last year- if you get asked to dance, turn them down. Simple."

"It's not simple. I got away with that last time because it was my first year as Champion. This time, I'm expected to socialise- and that means dancing. If I decline everyone who asks me, it'll be a serious… what's the word? Faux pas?"

Hop's eyebrows lifted slightly. "Never thought you'd care about social expectations. Especially when it comes to rich, snobby expectations."

She stopped herself from rolling her eyes. "You don't understand- I'm the Champion. I have to care about these things now, I don't have a choice. It's either conform to their rules, or get eaten alive by the rich, snobby people and journalists alike. Also, those 'rich, snobby people' are the ones sponsoring the League. I have to appeal to them."

Which meant dancing. Dancing and socialising with people who wouldn't have glanced at her twice if she wasn't the Champion.

"I see your problem." Hop nodded slowly. "Guess I'm lucky that no one will be paying any attention to me. No one's going to ask the Pokemon Professor's assistant to dance."

"You'll have to dance with me at least once," she said. "But you're right. It's me they'll be looking at, not you."

Gloria sighed again. She stared down at her tea, the churning in her stomach sucking away her desire to drink it.

"A week." She drummed her fingers against the ceramic mug, anxiously tapping away. "How am I going to learn to dance in a week?"

"A better question is who's going to teach you," Hop said.

"Who'll be willing to teach me and keep their mouth shut," Gloria added with a huff. "The last thing I want is an instructor blabbing to journalists about my inability to dance."

"What if you didn't go to an official instructor?" Hop asked. "What if, instead, you went to someone who knew how to dance themselves and could teach you? Someone we know isn't going to sell you out to the press."

"You know someone like that?"

He smiled. "We both do."

There was something about the twinkle in his eyes that unsettled her, something suspicious.

"Who?" Gloria asked.

"Bede."

She blinked at him. "Bede?"

Hop nodded, smile widening. "He's part of the Ballonlea Theatre- there's a lot of dancing in those plays. He's probably been taught to dance since he became the Fairy Gym Leader, and I bet he'd be willing to teach you."

She pursed her lips at that idea. Hop was right- most likely, Bede already knew how to dance. She couldn't remember much from the first League Gala she'd attended, it was all so much of a blur, of faces and names she couldn't remember, dazzled by the luxurious hall, the music, the food, the lights. She'd been swept away by the whole experience. She hadn't paid attention to anyone she knew save for Hop, who she'd managed to persuade to come as her date.

"Maybe…" she said, mulling it over.

"Maybe?" Hop gave her an unimpressed look. "You've got a week to learn how to dance well enough to fit in with people who've had years of practice. Who else is going to be willing to teach you on such short notice?"

Gloria grumbled in her throat. "I know, but…"

"But?"

How could she explain what she was feeling when even she didn't know herself? The jumble of emotions inside her was confusing enough without having to voice it to someone else.

"I guess you're right," she sighed. She had to face the facts one way or another. "I don't really have any other options, do I?"

"Not since you left it so late, you don't," Hop said. He nodded to her pointedly. "Come on, call him."

She blinked. "Now?"

"Yes, now! The sooner, the better!"

It was too soon, too sudden, and her heart began to race in her chest. She froze for a second until Hop's stare spurred her to move, and she dug out her phone with fumbling fingers.

"Fine, fine. I'll call him," she huffed and clicked through her contacts for Bede's number.

Hop stood from his chair and hurried around the table and into the seat beside her. He grinned, leaning close.

"What are you doing?" Gloria leant away from him, discomforted by the delight on his face. Her thumb hovered over Bede's number.

"It was my idea," Hop said.

Gloria frowned. "That doesn't mean you get to eavesdrop."

"You're stalling," he said, and jabbed at her phone. His finger tapped the screen, tapped Bede's number, calling him.

"Hey!" She balked. She scoffed at Hop, a beat of panic rising in her chest, before she decided enough was enough.

It was time to bite the bullet.

Gloria swallowed her grumble and held her phone to her ear, sending a sharp look at Hop as he leant close again.

Whatever, she thought, slightly disgruntled. He can listen if he wants.

The ringing of her phone stopped, and Bede's smooth voice sounded into her ear.

"Morning, Gloria," he said. "I trust you're not calling because you've gotten yourself into another predicament so soon?"

His voice carried a hint of amusement, and already Gloria felt her cheeks begin to warm. Hearing his voice so close, as if he was speaking right into her ear, had a strange affect on her.

"That depends on what you mean by predicament," she said.

She curled a lock of her hair around her finger absently as she spoke. The way her heart fluttered in her chest, she needed something to do with her free hand to calm her nerves. She glanced at Hop. He nodded at her, raising his eyebrows expectantly.

"Well, you know how the Gala is next week," Gloria began. "I was wondering if… by any chance you knew how to dance?"

"Of course I do. Who do you think you're asking?" Bede replied.

Hop rolled his eyes. Gloria sent him a hard look in return. Talking to Bede on the phone was difficult enough with her nerves on overdrive, she didn't need Hop's play-by-play reactions to everything. She resisted the urge to swat at him.

"That's what I was hoping," she said with a sheepish laugh, "see, I don't actually know how to dance. At all." A pause. "Would you be able to teach me?"

Gloria's cheeks burned as she forced that question out. It felt like it had taken all the air in her lungs just to ask, leaving her lightheaded and giddy. Anticipation seized her heart as a second of silence passed.

"I suppose I could clear up my schedule for you," Bede said. "Teaching you to dance sounds like it would be amusing, if not a decent way to pass the time. I can hardly leave you to stumble on the dance floor at the Gala and risk you denting the reputation of the League, can I?"

Gloria held her phone tighter. "Does that mean you'll teach me…?"

"I will," he said. "How does tomorrow morning sound? You've only got a week to learn, and I'd rather we start sooner than later. Although, with me as your teacher, I'll have you mastering the steps within a day or two, just you wait."

She turned her mind to tomorrow morning, quickly working through any plans she might have made.

"Tomorrow works for me," she said, nodding even though Bede couldn't see it. "I can come by the Gym at, say, nine o'clock?"

That'd give her enough time to wake up and prepare herself for the inevitable embarrassment she'd face in front of Bede. Although he's not one to make fun of her, she'd never danced in her life.

She heard the smile in Bede's voice when he replied. "It's a date," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay!" Heart pounding, it came out as a squeak. "See you!"

A click sounded as Bede hung up, deafened by the drumming of her heart in her chest and the surging of blood between her ears.

A date.

She couldn't think. His words echoed in her mind.

It's a date.

It was when Gloria pulled her phone away from her ear, cheeks flushed, still feeling giddy and breathless, that she noticed the look Hop was giving her. He grinned from ear to ear, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

"What?" she asked, feeling her heart skip.

"Your first date with Bede, huh?" Hop said, smirking. "I knew it was going to happen eventually, but-"

"It's not a date!" She cut him off as she flushed darker. Heat rose up her neck to pool across her face, embarrassment and indignation burning to the tips of her ears.

"He literally said, 'it's a date,' Gloria. It doesn't get more obvious than that," Hop said.

"It's just a phrase!" She folded her arms, meeting his smirk with a frustrated glare. "It doesn't mean anything- he doesn't like me like that, anyway!"

"Says who?"

"Says me!"

Hop raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that? Enough to bet on it?"

"Of course I'm sure!" Gloria huffed again. "Bede's not interested in someone like me."

That's right. The memory hit her square in the chest, winding her. A chill spread through her body, through her heart, as though she'd swallowed a block of ice. His type is someone so different to me, she remembered. The person Bede likes is…

Who?

Her stomach sank. She didn't want to think about that, about the person he'd described to her. Honest and diligent, the one Bede had spoken about seemed so far away from her, and she didn't know why it bothered her so much.

She didn't know why it bothered her at all.

Was there someone Bede would rather spend his time with?

"Ten thousand Poké," Hop said. He still wore his ridiculous grin, still taunting her. "I bet you ten thousand Poké that Bede has a crush on you."

Gloria frowned. The thought made her feel ill. "I don't want to bet on that," she said.

"Why? 'Cause you know I'm right?"

"Because I know you're wrong!" she huffed, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "He already likes someone, and it isn't me, okay? I know because he told me."

The smirk fell from Hop's face. "He told you that? When? Where? What did he say?"

"It doesn't matter," she said, turning away from him.

"Come on, Gloria. There's no way he likes someone else- trust me, I know for sure."

Hop placed a hand on her shoulder. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, but it only served to enrage the storm churning in her gut. Nausea rose up her throat, she tasted bile. Her heart, having fallen into her stomach, pounding heavily with slow, rhythmic panic.

"Don't-" she swatted his hand away, "-don't say that. He doesn't like me, okay? And I don't want him to. I don't want anyone to."

Something squeezed tight in her chest. Crushing. Heavy. It sucked all the air from her lungs, made it impossible to breathe.

I don't want that, she thought, clamping her eyes shut as a wave of pain, of grief, crashed over her. I don't want love.

Love hurt. It brought suffering and heartache. It destroyed, leaving nothing but pain in its wake and scars that never heal. She'd seen what it had done to her mother, felt an echo of it herself. A monster wearing the guise of hopes and dreams.

Gloria breathed out shakily, opening her eyes. She felt cold.

"I thought you liked him," Hop said slowly.

Her heart thumped. "I don't," she said. "Not like that."

The weight in her voice struck a chord with Hop. His expression fell, and he looked away from her as realisation filled his eyes.

"You still don't want anything to do with love?" he asked. "Even after all this time? Even with Bede?"

A sliver of ice dug into her heart. "What does Bede have to do with that?"

"I thought… with him, it might be different for you," Hop said. "That you might stop denying yourself happiness if it was Bede."

Gloria stood abruptly. Clinched her hands at her sides, affronted by Hop's suggestion. She turned to him, stared him down.

"I'm not denying myself anything. I'm protecting myself. From pain, from grief, from the kind of hurt you've never experienced," she said, her voice a whisper, a hiss in the silence. "I don't need love to be happy."

She stalked from the lab, leaving Hop and his questions, his naive hope, behind.

The next day, Gloria stood in her bedroom and tried to quell the nerves building in her chest. After her conversation with Hop, after she'd stormed out on him, the things he'd said kept returning to her mind. The way he'd gloated about it being Gloria's first date with Bede. The way he'd brushed aside her determination not to fall in love, as though her promise was paper thin, the flimsy words of a child, as though he knew better.

He knew nothing. Nothing of pain, of heartache, of grief. He didn't know what it was like to have a third of his family taken in an instant, to have his word turned upside down in a split second. Hop didn't know what it was like to be the only one left for his grieving mother to hold onto.

Gloria was all her mother had left. She grit her teeth, forced away the pain. Hop didn't understand, but that didn't mean he didn't care. His words had come from a place of kindness. He hadn't meant the damage he'd caused, she'd seen the hurt reflected in his eyes when she'd stormed out, the regret he'd been unable to voice. She hadn't given him a chance to.

In a way, in the deepest recess of her heart, Gloria feared that Hop was right. There was some truth to his words- something had shifted inside her when it came to Bede. Her guard slipped. She found herself wanting to be with him more, to know him more. The space he occupied inside her mind had grown to proportions she hadn't imagined possible, and he took over her thoughts when she least expected it. The slightest of things reminded her of him. The scent of tea, cookbooks in store windows, Great Balls in the hands of young trainers.

And there in her wardrobe hung the beautiful dress she'd bought for the Gala. Hidden in it's black protective sleeve, the floor-length dress was beautiful with a delicate lace bodice and flowing chiffon skirt. It was gorgeous - and expensive, she'd winced at the price tag when she'd glanced at it - but she'd been drawn to it for more than it's design alone.

She knew why, now- for the dress was a stunning, deep violet. A colour that had quickly become her favourite for reasons she refused to ponder. Gloria refused to look at it. Refused to think about it or what others would assume when they saw it. Would anyone else - journalists, sponsors, her friends - make the connection?

Would Bede?

Gloria clenched her jaw harder until it ached. There was no connection, no deeper meaning, to her choice of dress. It was a coincidence, nothing more. She shook off that thought as a needle of fear stabbed through her chest. Her hands trembled for a moment. She took a deep breath and collected the shoes she'd laid out by her bed the night before- barely a few inches high, the silver heels still daunted her- and stuffed them unceremoniously into her bag. She didn't have time for this. She had an appointment, a date as Bede had said, to attend.

No, it's not a date, Gloria reminded herself. He was just teasing you, like he always does.

A tiny part of her ached, knowing she was right. She quashed it before it could surface any further, driving it hard into the pit of her stomach like it was a revolting bug to crush beneath her heel. Stamp it out, grind it into dust.

Let nothing of it remain.

The backstage of Ballonlea's Gym had transformed into a place of wonders. Costumes hung from racks, fantastical dresses and robes fit for kings strung up like garments in a store. Props sat atop boxes, shiny swords with ornate hilts next to thick books bound in leather, and Gloria might have believed she'd been transported to another time if it wasn't for the bluetooth speakers filling the room with an orchestral piece and the Rotom phones in the hands of actors on break. She stopped by the door to stare at painted murals slanted against the wall. They depicted different scenes, each exquisitely detailed, from the interiors of a castle to palace gardens.

Gobsmacked by the sight before her, Gloria remembered that the Ballonlea theatre was as highly regarded as the Gym. She'd never been backstage inbetween League Challenges, and as a result had never witnessed the inner workings of the theatre as they put together their plays. Actors were strewn throughout the large backstage area and into practice rooms on either side of the hall, memorising scripts, repeating lines and rehearsing scenes. Some were even in costume, clashing practice swords in a mock battle. As her eyes skipped from actor to actor, she saw someone turn in her direction. Her heart caught.

Bede. He stood tall, his lean figure accentuated by the form-fitting pants - or were they leggings? - that he wore, and he walked over to Gloria with subtle grace. She swallowed thickly and stopped her mouth from falling open as he drew closer. Her heart raced, she suddenly felt on edge. As if all eyes had turned on her, as if her nervous tells were obvious to the world, to Bede. He was dressed for theatre practice, wearing dark leggings and a thin turtleneck shirt, and Gloria chewed the inside of her cheek, cursing how attractive he managed to be in every situation. Coils of heat made their home on her cheeks when he stepped up to her. With a toss of his platinum blond curls, his lips pulled into a faint smile.

It's a date, those words echoed in her head again. She shot them down quickly. It's just a phrase. He didn't mean anything by it.

"You're three minutes late," Bede said, tilting his head in amusement as he gazed down at her. "No matter. I'll work you harder in order to make up for it."

Gloria flushed. "Three minutes is barely late," she said. "Besides, I arrived in Ballonlea before nine."

His eyes twinkled with mirth. Violet. That soft colour striking her speechless.

"And yet, our agreed meeting time was nine, and you somehow missed it," Bede said. He smirked, turning on his heels and motioning for her to follow. "This way. I've reserved a room for us."

Gloria bit back her retort and skipped to follow Bede away from the bustle and commotion of the backstage crowd. He led her down the hall to a secluded room that had mirrors lining the back wall from floor to ceiling. There were speakers plugged in by a corner, a drink bottle beside them, and Bede walked over to it and set his phone on top.

"Put your bag down off to the side so it won't get in the way," Bede said. He busied himself with the speakers and his phone for a few seconds before standing. "Did you bring your heels like I asked?"

He turned to look at her, and she realised she hadn't moved an inch since she'd stepped into the room.

"Yes, of course!" Gloria said, startling and shucking off her bag.

She shoved her backpack into the corner of the room as she flushed. She'd been too busy watching Bede, too busy following his graceful movements with her eyes, too enraptured by how lean and fit he looked when he'd squatted by the speakers with ease. The leggings he wore were practical, giving Bede's legs a range of movement that other clothes would've restricted, but the sleek black fabric was form-fitting and accentuated the shape of his thighs and the curve of his backside that she wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

Arceus, Gloria! she chided herself as her heart lurched into her throat. She flushed with heat, nerves fluttering in her lungs. Get a hold of yourself! He's your friend, don't gawk at him like that.

It didn't matter how attractive Bede was, it wasn't right for her to ogle at him like a rabid, obsessed fan. It was shameful. She bit down a pang of disgust at herself and pulled her silver heels from her bag.

Bede nodded appreciatively at them. "Good. Leave them there for now, I'll have you practice with them later," he said. "First, let's run through the basics."

'The basics,' according to Bede, started with her jogging a few laps of the room and stretching in order to warm up. He then had her go through the steps facing the mirrors, following the movements Bede made as he ran through them beside her. She stepped when he did, quickly getting over her apprehension and the embarrassment of holding her arms up as though she were dancing with an invisible partner. Slow music trickled from the speakers and filled the room, Gloria's shoes clacking against the floor to the gentle rhythm. Bede's steps were silent and enviously more graceful than hers, but with him going through the same movements, she felt at ease. He called out each step before they took it, carefully watching her to make sure she got it right. Occasionally, their eyes met in the mirror. Bede gave her nods of approval or the hint of a smile. Always, his gaze held more than he let show in his expression, and it sparked something ablaze in Gloria's chest. She cut her attention away, catching herself before she stumbled or missed a step.

She hadn't yet fallen on her face in front of Bede and was determined to keep it that way. Despite how distracting he was.

Soon enough, to the appreciation of Gloria's aching arms, Bede called for a break. She dropped her arms to her sides with a heavy sigh.

"People actually do this for fun?" Gloria huffed as she stalked over to her bag to retrieve her water bottle. She drank greedily, uncaring of the droplets cascading down her chin to slide beneath the front of her top. The water was cool and refreshing, and she would've tipped a bit more down her front if Bede wasn't with her.

He turned away from her stiffly and coughed into his hand. "Dancing at functions is an important Galarian tradition," Bede said. For a moment, it sounded like his voice was slightly strained. He drank from his water bottle, and when he spoke again, his voice was clearer. "These steps haven't changed for hundreds of years, and remain a constant fixture at events such as the League Gala. It's imperative that you learn, as being able to dance expertly is a symbol of status."

Right. Because Gloria cared about status. She stopped herself from rolling her eyes. She was more worried about making a fool of herself in front of all the people, the sponsors, the media, her friends, that would be at the Gala. Status, reputation, when she wasn't in the spotlight, it didn't matter to her.

"When did you learn how to dance?" Gloria asked, splashing some water on her face.

Bede's expression hardened for a split second, long enough for her to catch the twitch of his brow, the stiffening of his jaw, and the shadows that flickered behind his eyes. The darkness that overcame his face was gone in an instant. Had Gloria blinked, she would have missed it entirely.

"Years ago," Bede said, "as per Oleana's instructions, I had the steps drilled into me so that if such a time came where I would accompany the Chairman to functions, I wouldn't make a fool of myself and tarnish his image."

Of course. Gloria's heart sank. She should have known, shouldn't have asked. Prying into Bede's past, despite how much she longed to know more about him, hardly ever went well. The pain in his eyes was one she'd felt herself- the pain of dredging up old wounds. Even now, fragmented as it was, pieces of Rose's hold over Bede remained. Memories slowly faded like scars, never truly disappearing.

"Turns out, he needn't have worried about me ruining his image- he managed that well enough himself," Bede said, his expression lifting. "Besides, now I'm skilled enough to dance at functions that require my attendance as a Gym Leader. Skilled enough to teach the Champion how to dance herself."

He turned to her as he said that last part, and the pride in his eyes, the satisfaction in his smile, eased a weight off Gloria's heart. She found herself smiling back at him.

"Guess I should be thanking Rose for his foresight," she said.

Bede scoffed. "Hardly."

Gloria stepped over to him. She was drawn to Bede's side by a firm tug on her heart, by the tender warmth pooling through her chest, and she smiled brighter.

"I'll settle for thanking you instead," Gloria said.

"As you should." He nodded, and walked back towards the wall of mirrors. "It's time you learn how to dance with a partner," Bede said.

He turned on his heels to face her, waiting in the centre of the room, and held his left hand out, palm up, with his right held behind his back. He eyed Gloria intently, and her heart skipped. She knew this would happen eventually, that she'd have to practice with Bede as her partner, but the sight of him there, waiting for her to approach, sent nerves skittering through her chest. She breathed in a deep, silent breath, and stepped up to him. Slowly, she placed her hand in his.

And he closed the distance between them. In a split second, his arm was around her. His chest was right in front of her face. She let out an undignified speak at the touch of his hand low on her back, jolting at the sensation.

"Ah, sorry," Bede said, dropping his hand from her back. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Gloria straightened, blushing at the embarrassing sound that had slipped from her lips. She shook her head hurriedly and peeked up at him. An echo of his touch lingered on her skin, the slightest pressure on the small of her back that tingled with warmth.

"That's- that's okay," she said. Her voice was strained. Tight. "I-I didn't realise we'd have to stand this close to dance."

It was difficult to speak with her face flooded with heat. Her eyes were at the level of his collarbones, and she could make out the threads of his turtleneck shirt at this distance. She took short, shallow breaths. They were so close, she was afraid to breathe too deeply lest her chest brush against his.

"You don't seem to mind getting closer than this to me when we hug," Bede said, quirking an eyebrow at her in amusement.

"That's different!" Gloria said.

Why was it different? Her protest didn't make sense. She stared straight at his chest, unable to lift her gaze to meet his eyes. Her heart thundered at a dizzying pace, and she was grateful for the music playing from the speakers- the pounding of her heart was deafening in her ears, she worried that Bede would be able to hear it in the silence.

"Well, you'll have to get used to this if you want to learn how to dance properly," Bede said. "I'll take it slow for you, alright?"

His hand returned to the small of her back, and she sucked in a gasp at his touch.

"Don't tell me, you're ticklish here?" he asked, gently sweeping his fingers over the spot.

A tingle shot down Gloria's spine. She jumped back, stifling a yelp in her throat.

"D-Don't do that!" she squeaked. She rubbed her back where he'd teased her, trying to remove the sensation of his touch.

Bede lifted a hand to his lips, covering up his smirk and his quiet breath of laughter. Gloria scowled at him, pouting. It wasn't fair that he could play her so easily like this. She wasn't ticklish on her back- not at all, but the touch of his fingers had sparked something across her skin, something that left her confused and indignant.

"My bad," Bede said. His voice was light with mirth, eyes twinkling at her. "I won't do that again."

Gloria narrowed her eyes slightly, pressing her lips together firmly as she watched him. He'd enjoyed her reaction so much, she wasn't sure she trusted him not to try that again. Bede's expression softened when she didn't budge, and he held out his hand with an apologetic smile.

"I promise," he said, and Gloria gave in.

How could she not, when he was looking at her like that? She stepped up to him and took his hand, holding her breath to steady herself when he set his right hand low on her back again.

"Place your hand on my shoulder," Bede said, directing her free hand so that it was resting lightly on his shoulder.

Gloria nodded, still staring at his chest.

"You realise your dance partner might take offense if you stare at their chest the whole time, right?" Bede said. "At the very least, you should try and meet their eyes."

"Sorry," Gloria said, and forced herself to look up. Her heart thumped heavily in her chest when their eyes met, and a renewed rush of warmth swept across her face. She fought the desire to look away.

The corner of Bede's mouth twitched with the hint of a smile as he nodded. "Good. Next, try not to look like a stunned Magikarp, and I'm sure you'll do fine."

Gloria balked at him. "A stunned Magikarp?!"

"There. That's much better," he said with a smirk. "You'll dance a lot finer if you just be yourself."

She blinked for a moment, realising what he'd done. Her heart still raced, she still felt flushed with heat, but no longer was her body stiff with nervous energy. Gloria could look Bede in the eyes without wishing to flee. He'd eased that all away with a simple jest.

"You're horrible," she said, shaking her head. She managed to smile, her voice soft with amusement.

"Ah, but you're the one who came to me for lessons," Bede said. "Surely you knew what you were getting into."

With that, he pulled her into the first steps of their dance. The time they'd spent practicing earlier came back to her after she stumbled for the first few seconds, almost kicking Bede's shin at one point, and before long, they were dancing smoothly in time to the music. Gloria repressed the urge to look at her feet, and instead found herself meeting Bede's smile with her own. A flicker of pride showed in his eyes. Pride, satisfaction, and something more that she couldn't place. With each step, her confidence grew. She relaxed further, following Bede through the motions of the dance as it came easier and easier for her. A smile broke across her face whenever their eyes met, a bubble of something sweet and tender blooming in her chest.

Dancing, as foreign as it had been when they'd first begun, soon felt natural. It felt natural to sway and step with Bede like this. To be so close, to share smiles and breaths of laughter. It was obvious to Gloria now why people danced, why it was a cemented Galarian tradition, for she felt so light, so carefree, she wouldn't have minded if the dance lasted forever.

Bede slowed, and Gloria came to an abrupt halt, stopping herself in time so she didn't continue and step right into him. She blinked as Bede dropped his hand from her back.

"You got the hang of it rather quickly," he said, releasing her hand. "Next, you need to be able to master the steps in your heels."

Oh. Gloria blanched, glancing to where her heels sat next to her bag.

"Have you worn them in yet?" Bede asked.

Gloria twisted her lips and trudged over to her shoes. "Not exactly…"

"Not exactly?" Bede echoed. Gloria suppressed a pout at the disapproval in his voice. "Have you worn them at all?"

She sat on the floor by her heels, pointedly focusing on taking her shoes off so she didn't have to suffer under the unimpressed look Bede was giving her.

"I tried them on in the store," Gloria said, her protest dying beneath her breath. She slid her feet into the sparkly silver heels, weaving the thin straps through the clasps.

Bede sighed. "You really should be wearing them for a couple of minutes every day, in order to loosen them up and get yourself used to them," he said. "It won't matter how well you can dance in your regular shoes if you stumble in heels at the Gala."

Gloria pursed her lips and stood. He was right, annoyingly so as always, but that didn't stop her from grumbling wordlessly at him as she found her balance. Bede raised an eyebrow at her, watching the way she stood with her legs stiff and taut.

"Walk the length of the room," he said.

She frowned for a moment before complying and walking towards the mirrors. Bede studied her as she passed him. Each step she took felt awkward, as though she were walking on stilts instead of heels a few inches high. The clack of her shoes made her even more self-conscious, and she wanted to shrink away at the noise.

"Stop."

Gloria froze. With a sigh, Bede stepped up beside her, their eyes meeting in the mirror.

"This is exactly why you need to practice walking in heels," he said. "You're walking like a baby Ponyta taking its first steps, not like the Champion of Galar."

Gloria pressed her lips firmly together. "Hey, it's harder than it looks! You're lucky you don't have to wear shoes like this- I'm terrified I'm going to roll my ankles if I'm not careful!"

"If walking in heels is as difficult as you make it out to be, no one would be wearing them," Bede said. He gave her an unimpressed look at her complaints.

"You're saying that because you've never worn high heels before," Gloria said with a huff. "I'd like to see you trot around in these without an issue."

She met his gaze in the mirror with defiance. Bede looked as though he was about to bark back at her, his brow furrowing slightly, eyes narrowing, but then he sighed and turned on his heels.

"Fine," Bede said, stalking towards the door. "Stay here. I'll be right back."

Gloria blinked at him, stunned into silence, and he whisked through the door and clicked it shut behind him. She stood there, confused, and shifted awkwardly on her feet. She definitely needed to get used to her heels. Barely five minutes into wearing them and she already wanted to kick them off. The looming Gala and the hours she'd have to spend on her feet seemed more daunting than ever before, and she hadn't even attempted to dance in her heels yet. She faced the mirror and practiced a few steps of the dance. Her movements were stiff, ankles wobbling as she tried to balance on her heels. She jumped when the door swung open. She whirled in shock, mouth dropping open, as Bede cut across the room towards her wearing a pair of sleek black high heels that looked straight out of Nessa's wardrobe. He walked with confidence, with his head held high, his steps smooth and graceful despite the pencil-thin heels that were taller than Gloria's.

Bede deposited his regular shoes by the wall, before stepping over to Gloria with a smirk.

"What were you saying?" Bede said, "I've never worn heels before?"

Gloria gaped wordlessly, fumbling to find something, anything, to say. "You- How? When? Why?" She gestured wildly at him, at his high heels, and shook her head in disbelief. "Since when do you wear heels?!"

"Not of my own accord, I assure you," Bede said. He lifted an eyebrow at her, as though slightly put off by her shock. "Some of our plays require historically accurate attire, heels being a part of that. These are not mine, I simply borrowed them from an actress that has a shoe size close enough to mine."

"Right." Gloria nodded, trying to wrap her head around this. "I just… never expected you to actually… wear shoes like that. Willingly, at least."

"It will be easier to show you how to walk naturally in high heels if I demonstrate myself," Bede said, nonplussed. He turned towards the mirror, gesturing for her to do the same. "In order not to walk like a stilted Girafarig, you need to step toe-to-heel, rather than heel-to-toe."

Bede swept his leg forward, touching the front of his shoes to the ground as he said, the heel coming into contact with the floor a split second later.

"Don't exaggerate the movement," he continued, "the heel should hit right after, if not with, the front part of your shoe as you walk. Like so."

He turned and walked parallel to the mirrors, giving Gloria a side-on view of his gait.

"The length of your steps will naturally be reduced in heels. Compensate by taking small, but faster, steps than usual, in order to maintain a normal pace."

Bede reached the end of the mirrors and spun on his feet to face the opposite direction as deftly as a ballerina. He continued his walk, returning the way he'd come.

"You'll have a natural inclination to lean forward if you try to walk faster than your heels will allow, so lean back slightly to compensate," he said. "A sloppy posture will destroy your efforts to fit in, and put all the training I've given you to waste. Above all, do not slouch."

Gloria bit back a smile. "It sounds like you're trying to teach me etiquette," she said with the hint of a laugh.

He raised an eyebrow at her as he passed. "Am I not?"

"Maybe."

A bubble of amusement, of enjoyment, built in her chest. She clasped her hands behind her back as she watched Bede walk to the end of the mirrors again, the trepidation inside her having lifted. He turned around to face her, and she knew it was time for her to practice.

"Right. Now that you've seen what it should look like, I'll have you walk the length of these mirrors like I did," Bede said, and stepped over to her.

"Okay. I can do that," Gloria said, nodding to herself in order to cement a thread of confidence inside her. She turned side-on to the mirrors, and absently tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears as Bede's attention fixed on her. A different wave of nerves flooded her chest, and she straightened instinctively beneath his gaze.

She took a deep breath, flexed her fingers at her sides, and stared at a single spot on the wall in front of her.

Pretend he's not watching you, she told herself. Just ignore him completely.

The thumping of her heart refused to slow. There was something about having Bede focus on her so intently that made her stomach flutter as though she'd swallowed a swarm of Combee. She warmed from the inside out, and struggled to recall his advice as she went to step forward.

What is wrong with me today? It's just Bede. Nothing's happened, nothing's changed. Gloria puzzled over her thoughts as she walked along the wall of mirrors. One foot in front of the other, toe first as Bede had advised her, she tried to ignore the feeling of his eyes on her. She kept thinking back to their phone call. To the phrase Bede had used.

This isn't a date, she reminded herself as she reached the wall and turned to walk back the other way. She stiffened when her eyes fell on Bede. He had a hand cupped over his mouth, watching her with a deep, thoughtful expression. His ardent concentration made her heart flop. She wobbled on her heels, and his eyes flicked up to her face with a beat of concern before she broke into a fast-paced walk to get past him as quickly as she could.

"Not bad, I suppose," Bede said. He turned to face her as she passed him. "Practice walking like this in front of a mirror every day until the Gala, and you should be fine."

Gloria slumped with a sigh of relief.

"Make sure you don't do that at the Gala," Bede said, muffling his laugh behind his hand.

She pouted at him, but it was sweet to hear him laugh, however brief it was. His violet eyes softened with his smile, and it made her heart soften in response. She loved having him be so genuine with her, comfortable enough to smile and laugh without a care. Comfortable enough to wear heels fit for a model to prove a point.

"So, are we going to practice dancing with you in those heels, or-" Gloria cut herself off when Bede turned and marched towards his shoes by the wall. She was still suppressing her laughter when he walked back to her wearing his regular shoes.

"There's no point in having me practice dancing in heels," Bede said. "I have no desire to wear those unless strictly needed."

"Aw, but you look so graceful in them," Gloria teased. She blinked up at him coyly, taking his hand when he held it out for her.

Bede huffed, rolling his eyes. "Of course I do. I wouldn't be seen dead in them otherwise- too many people view men in heels as a comedy act, something to ridicule. I refuse to fumble about for anyone's entertainment, which means I can't settle for less than perfection in my gait. They can hardly laugh at me when I'm as skilled as - if not more than - any woman in heels."

Gloria blinked at Bede as he set his hand on her back, drawing her closer as they began to dance.

"I didn't think about it that way," she said, surprised. "I guess a lot of people would see a guy wearing heels as some sort of joke."

"Exactly."

They fell back into the rhythm of their dance, one step following another, and Gloria quickly realised something was different. She was taller in heels, which meant she was no longer staring at Bede's collarbones but rather at the level of his shoulders. She was closer to his face, closer to him, now. The fluttering returned to her lungs. Strangely giddy, strangely warm, as though a simple change in height had shifted something inside her. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling- if anything, she wanted to bask in it. It was like a weird combination of delight and anxiety, swirling together in her stomach and flooding her veins. She was enjoying the moment, yet dreading it at the same time. With Bede, she felt comfortable. Light. Happy. And strange. Gloria glanced at his eyes, but quickly looked away before he noticed.

Why am I being so weird about this? she thought as she tried to swallow down the bundle of nerves building inside her. This is all Hop's fault for suggesting those things yesterday. For saying that Bede had a crush on me, that I had a crush on-

Gloria stopped. Her heart stopped.

No.

"Gloria?"

She shot away from him like she'd been zapped. Cold. She felt cold. Cold and numb and-

Bede was looking at her in concern.

"I-I just need a drink," Gloria said, whirling on her feet. Panic rose up her throat. Choking. Tight. The edges of her vision went dark. She stumbled over to her bag and snatched her water bottle off the floor, unscrewing the lid with trembling hands.

No.

She drank quickly. Drank too much, forced the water past the lump in her throat.

This isn't-

She couldn't breathe. There wasn't enough air in the room. Her heartbeat deafened her thoughts, pounding in her ears with creeping dread. Darkness fell over her mind. Gloria turned away from her bag, her stomach lurching as her eyes drew towards Bede. He stood still, stretching out his arms. Tall and elegant. Handsome yet beautiful, with a model's poise, as graceful as a prince. He was kind. Forgiving, understanding. He never pushed her harder than she could take, but made her want to strive to be something more. He was her friend. Her rival. She loved his smile, his determination. His wit. She loved that she could be herself around him. She loved his company, his rare but sweet laughter. Everything about him. Gloria loved-

Bede looked to her with a start. Water sloshed over her feet. Her bottle lay on the floor, water trickling out, having slipped from her hands.

No.

Her heart pounded. Concern worried his brow, he stepped towards her.

"Gloria? What's wrong?"

She stepped back into her bag. Panic as cold as ice shot through her veins.

No-

She couldn't move. Bede came closer, worried. Saying something she couldn't hear.

Don't come over here!

Panic seized her. Gloria grabbed her bag, shoving her discarded shoes into it. Her heart boomed between her ears like an earth-shaking drum.

"I-" she choked on her words. "I need to go-"

Bede frowned with concern. She wanted to vomit. To scream. To cry. To protest-

To flee.

Gloria ran. Out the way she'd come, the backstage a blur of colours, of people, of costume racks she almost crashed into. She bolted, tripping on her heels. She stumbled. Lurched forward, caught herself before she could hit the ground. Her lungs burned. Her throat burned.

Tears burned in her eyes.

She shot out of the Gym, throwing a Pokeball to the ground in front of her. She leapt onto her Corviknight's back before the surge of light had faded, and called for her Pokemon to fly, to go, to get her away from here.

Away from the one calling her name.

She didn't look back. She couldn't. Gloria buried her face in Corviknight's steel feathers as they took to the sky, and she shut everything out. She felt nothing, thought of nothing, until they landed in Wedgehurst.

Gloria stumbled off the back of her Corviknight and hit the ground hard. Her legs drove her forward. Through the pain, the fear, the panic, through the front doors of the Pokemon laboratory. She shoved them open with force, and they swung open to crash against the wall. She didn't care. Couldn't care. Hop saw her.

And Gloria crumbled. She fell to the floor, legs buckling beneath her, and the look on her face was enough for Hop to know something was wrong. He was in front of her in an instant.

"Glo, what happened?!" Hop asked, reaching for her.

It was too much. Gloria collapsed into him with a broken wail. Everything she'd held back broke forth all at once, and she shattered. She screamed. She clung to him with desperation, nails clawing into his lab coat, face pressed to his shoulder. Hop wrapped his arms around her.

"It's okay, it's okay," Hop said, repeating those words again and again. "I'm here. you're alright, you're okay."

It hurt. Her lungs, her throat, her heart. She was in pieces. Fractured. Broken. All she felt was pain.

Guilt.

Gloria's sobs tore from her throat like daggers of ice. Her scream rose from her chest like bloodied thorns, tearing her skin, her lungs, leaving her bleeding. Raw. It ached.

There was nothing left of her.

She couldn't hear Hop's whispers, couldn't feel his touch. Amidst her sobs were broken words.

"I don't-"

Gloria clung to Hop. Tighter, firmer, muffling her words into his coat.

"I don't want this-"

Why-

It hurt.

Why did this happen?

Hop held her tighter in return. "Oh, Gloria…" Understanding in his voice.

He knew.

"I don't want this…!" She shook her head, again and again, against his shoulder. Into his lab coat, smearing her tears across the stainless white. "I don't want this…!"

"I know," Hop said softly. Quietly. A gentle recognition that only she could hear. "I know…"

It was too late. Her guard had slipped, her walls had lowered too far. She'd thought she was safe.

She was a fool. Her heart, fractured and broken, lay in pieces in her hands. A million shattered pieces. She'd fallen from the precipice she'd danced around for so long, stepped too close to the edge one too many times, and this was the result. Her fate. Her punishment.

No, she'd slipped from that edge long ago, only realising when she'd hit the bottom.

Hop had been right all along.

Gloria was in love with Bede.

#bederia #bede #gloria #bederia week 2021 #btyu #dressedinpinkshipping

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amethystroselilith · 3 years

Text

Intertwined Fates (Chilumi/Zhonglumi) - Chapter 4

Free from uni for now... Hopefully I can write more! Thank you for waiting patiently!

Can be read in ao3 here

SUMMARY: As Ajax looks forward to their future, someone from the past awakens...

“You know, just because I said I wanted more kids, doesn’t mean we have to do it like every night… or whenever we’re alone…” Lumine gave out a slight moan in the end when she felt her lover suck that sensitive mark on her neck, “Ajax, it’s too early in the morning and I need to walk today.” she whined, gasping when he bit her softly.

“Sorry, you look too delicious.” Ajax grinned, letting go of her so she could roll on her back to look at him with a pout.

“Same excuses.” Lumine playfully rolled her eyes, “Anyway… do you think she’s ready for school?”

Lumine felt Ajax tensed, letting out a sigh when she saw his shoulder trembling, “Oh my god, Ajax, please…”

“My baby girl is growing too fast.” his voice cracked.

Ever since Lumine reminded Ajax about Qiqi starting school a week ago, the man had been a bit emotional. Coddling the child ever since and keep asking if she’s ready, and it’s totally fine if she doesn't want to and he can just hire a private tutor for her. Lumine had to hit him at the back of the head saying that it’s important for their child to learn how to socialise.

“Lumi, our baby will be surrounded by boys! I can’t handle the thought of giving my princess away, Lumi, I can’t!”

“Ajax, she’s 5.”

“I can’t, Lumi!”

Lumine isn’t gonna lie, she’s also worried about how Qiqi would fare being with other kids considering she hadn’t interacted with kids her age.

But this should be it, right? The right time for Qiqi to meet and interact with other children.

The blonde also has that anxiety within her, what if someone’s mean to her child? Crush Qiqi’s dreams of having playmates?

Qiqi isn’t sure what she’s getting into, but as her parents explained what school was, there was excitement in her eyes as they talked about the various learning activities it has.

Besides, the pre-school was only a couple blocks away from their bakery, Lumine should be able to be by her side when needed.

“Lumi, what if our Qiqi falls in love? And that punk beaks her heart? She would be safer here, I already have the best tutor in mind.” Ajax tries to convince her.

“Ajax, for the last time, no one’s falling in love with anyone.” Lumine groaned, “And if it’ll make you feel better, the class has more girls than boys.”

“...What if she likes girls?”

“Then we love her just as much, but for fuck sake, Ajax, they’re kids. Worry when she’s in high school or college.” Lumine rolled her eyes, only to regret it when Ajax gave her a horrified look.

“I don’t want my baby to grow up.” he cried.

“Ajax, we can’t stop the cycle of life…” Lumine sighed, it’s too early to deal with this.

“So that’s why we should make more babies.” Ajax grinned, only to be hit by a pillow on the face.

“Oh my god, I’m going to check on Qiqi before dealing with any more of your bullshit this early morning,” Lumine said with a chuckle.

“Baaabe, homeschooling isn’t so bad!” Ajax called out for her only to receive an eye roll.

He pouted and decided to get ready himself, Qiqi’s going to school, he doesn’t need to work from home anymore. So it’s back to the office with him, back to dealing with his insufferable co-workers, especially the midget.

With that thought, he got up from the bed with an annoyed groan.

~~~

“Bye, bye, Papa. Love you.” Qiqi said, kissing his cheek before getting out of the car and grabbing her mother’s waiting hand.

“Bye, sweetie, have fun at school, okay? And if someone hurts you, tell Papa so I can take care of it, okay? Papa loves you.” Ajax smiled, earning a scoff from Lumine.

“Don’t teach our child violence this early.” she tsked before leaning in the car window, “Good luck at work and don’t kill anyone. I love you,” she said before pecking his lips goodbye.

“Hm, I’ll try not to make Mona a widow.” he grinned, “Bye, see you tonight. I love you too.” Ajax said, waiting and watching his girls to make sure they’ll be fine before driving off to his office.

Despite still being anxious for his daughter’s first day of school, he can’t help but fall in love with their new routine already. Him making their breakfast while Lumine prepares Qiqi for school, him dropping them off at the bakery, Lumine walking Qiqi the few minutes walk to her preschool. They all do their day until Qiqi’s done with preschool by 12 noon, Lumine picking her up and staying at the bakery until it’s time for Ajax to pick them up and go back home.

He can’t wait until more of his future kids join their routine.

Ajax is never trading this life for anything.

~~~

“Thank you, and have fun with your new kite!” the brunette smiled softly as he handed the kite to the child.

“Thank you, Mister! Thank you, Dad!” the little girl grinned, jumping excitedly as she hugged the toy to her chest, “Let’s go to the park! I wanna see the fairy fly!” she pulled her father out of the store.

The father just gave the employee a smile and wave before he’s led out by his daughter.

“Isn’t it nice seeing their little smiles? So bright and hopeful.” the old owner chuckled as she rearranged the toys on display.

“It is a great feeling.” he smiled.

He wondered how the father feels seeing his child happy, it must be a wonderful feeling .

Does he have a child of his own?

As he wrecked his mind for anything, he came up with nothing.

Looking at the golden band on his finger, he wonders yet again about the blonde woman who seemed etched in his mind.

“Ah, Zhongli, don’t you worry. My grandson is good with computers, I’m sure we’ll find her soon.” Granny Shan encouraged as she saw the look on his face again.

Zhongli forced out a smile, “Thank you, Granny Shan.”

It’s been a week since he awakened.

A week since it was explained that he ended up in a coma after being in a plane accident. Granny Shan had been his saviour, had taken him under her care, even transported his comatose body in this region when she moved to build another toy store. When asked why Granny Shan just gave a sad smile and talks about how he reminded her of her son whom she lost from an accident as well

Zhongli thinks she’s lucky to find an empty lot close to a preschool. He could imagine kids dragging their parents here when they’re let out.

Still, a week had gone by and still no memories coming back. All he knows is his name thanks to the ID he had on him, unfortunately, most of the information had been scratched off, or made unreadable thanks to being submerged in a puddle for too long before he was found, and the fact that he’s married because he has a ring on him. He could only assume the beautiful blonde woman is his wife, why else would he keep dreaming of coming back to her?

The lack of information on himself forced him to stay with Granny Shan. Choosing to help her after he recovered enough to do so while at the same time, doing all he can to remember.

While Granny Shan would contact her grandson and would receive a list of profiles, but none of them had been her.

Zhongli doesn’t blame him though, all he could offer him was her physical appearance, which is so hard to track down without any name to refer to. Not to mention her grandson isn’t even a part of a government organisation that would be able to get a hold of registered citizens, he was an IT, but the fact that he helps a stranger like Zhongli makes him a hero in Zhongli’s eyes.

And he wishes no further to burden them with his problems, but unfortunately, he can’t do anything but help around the toy store.

Though as much as he would like to come home, 5 years is a pretty long time.

How is she now?

Where is she now?

What is she doing now?

Upon finding out that he had been in a coma for five years, Zhongli vomited. It was a lot to take in and the fact that he can’t remember anything is very overwhelming and frustrating.

He was depressed for days, recovering and getting back on his feet just last night and asking Granny Shan if he could help because the blonde woman was encouraging him, asking him to come back to her.

She would sing sweetly for him, yet he can’t remember the lyrics as soon as he woke up.

Waking up without her had been torture for Zhongli so far, the need to be with her is growing stronger by the day, and he doesn’t know just how long he can wait until he breaks and go crazy chasing after a woman he doesn’t even know still exist.

His eyes widened at the thought, quickly shaking it off as he felt his heart race anxiously and his stomach churning badly.

Of course, she exists, why else would she keep asking him to come home?

His head began to ache, and it seemed it shows since Granny Shan is walking to him with a worried face, “Maybe it’s time for a break, yeah? Do you have a headache?”

Zhongli shook his head, “I’m fine don’t worry,” he smiled, “I should be fine if I drink-”

“I’ll make you some tea.”

“Please, I don’t want to bother-”

“Sonny, it’s fine, making tea should be easy for an old lady like me rather than having to man the cashier, don’t you think so? It’s almost noon, meaning kids might be filling the store soon.” Granny Shan explained with a smile, “Now just wait there, okay?”

Zhongli nodded in defeat, “Alright.”

Granny Shan then left to go to the back, where it functions as their home. It’s a decent size with 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, and a bathroom.

The man busies himself with rechecking the toys displayed, making sure they’re properly placed that children can see them. He sweeps for a few, just waiting for the time to pass by. He may have started working today, but he could hear the commotion before when it reaches noon as the store is filled with customers. It made him feel bad thinking about leaving the old lady alone, but there was nothing he could do about it but work his best.

It soon struck 12 and as expected, the small preschool across the street had released their students. Zhongli straightened up, preparing to greet customers as he already saw some kids dragging their parents in their shop. He watched as some kids threw tantrums when their parents denied them, some making their way excitedly to his shop, there were already two little girls looking at the display. The blonde one with elven ears pointed at a little plushie resembled some kind of a rabbit inside a red bag, her red eyes sparkling as she talks to the other girl. Zhongli can’t help but smile at her friend’s reaction, her magenta eyes wide with fascination as she listens to her talk.

They then met eyes, Zhongli smiling brightly with a small wave, making the girl return the gesture with a wide smile.

He also waved at the little blonde girl who is now tugging at the older blonde guy they were with.

“Albedo-oniichan, let’s get it, please! Pleaaaseee!” he can hear her behind the window, “Klee has been very good! Klee didn’t get sent to the corner by Ms Jean! Please, please, please!”

The man Zhongli assumed as Albedo smiled softly, “Well since you didn’t cause trouble, let’s go.”

Klee squealed in excitement, and seemed like was about to invite her friend, but it looks like the purple-haired girl was looking at someone who Zhongli couldn’t see.

Zhongli assumed it was her parents or guardian picking her up since she waved goodbye to her friend. He was a bit taken back when she turned to him and waved goodbye to him as well, but he returned the gesture with a smile.

For some reason, he felt some sort of happiness for the little girl.

He didn’t get to think much of it since customers had started pouring inside.

~~~

Zhongli once again smiled at the little purple-haired girl when she passed by the shop again. It had been 4 days so far and they had always been waving at each other when they passed by.

“Does that girl not have a guardian with her? I don’t think I’ve seen her with an adult.” Zhongli hummed as he cleans the shelves.

“Hm? The purple-haired one? Ah, her mother works at the bakery a couple of blocks away, it’s a few minutes walk, 2 or 3 at most. She only needs to step out of the bakery and watch from there, so she’s completely safe.” Granny Shan explained, “They have great pastries, by the way, I brought one home earlier, seems like a new product of theirs, feel free to eat them, they’re in the fridge.”

“Ah, it’s nice that their workplace is close to her school.” Zhongli hummed, a sudden craving for pastries appeared, and a specific sort of flavour too.

Zhongli ignored the craving, not wanting to leave the old woman alone with cleaning.

“Quite an adorable family too, I met her husband as well, a protective father he is.” she chuckled.

Zhongli can’t help but wonder, if he has a child, what kind of father was he?

He hopes they’re doing well if he does have. What a shame it was that he suddenly disappeared from their lives.

A longing feeling blossomed in his chest again, oh how he would love to meet the blonde goddess in his dreams, how elated he will be to find out if she bore his child.

“Say, Granny Shan, weren’t you saying about giving me a salary?”

“Hm? Did you change your mind about not getting them?” Granny Shan hummed.

“No, but shall I use that to buy that big finch plushie?” Zhongli asked, remembering how the little girl’s eyes would look at the bird-shaped stuffed toy longingly.

Granny Shan smiled, knowing exactly what he’s thinking, “Of course.” she chuckled, “Have you grown attached to the little girl already? It hasn’t been long nor did you two ever talk. It’s a shame I forgot her name, my memory isn’t the best.”

Zhongli smiled embarrassingly, “I just feel a bit bad, she’s been eyeing the toy ever since. Though, I’m a bit worried what her parents would think.”

The old lady waved him off, “Don’t worry about that, just put on our card so they know it’s from here, they know me there and that I own this place.”

Zhongli's smile brightened, “Thank you!”

He can’t wait to make a kid’s day bright.

~~~

The very next day, Zhongli waited for the little girl to pass again, he doesn’t know why but he felt so excited.

Just like on routine, she passed by again, and instead of waving, Zhongli gestured for her to wait. She listened, having been familiar with the old lady who owned the store, that’s why her mother didn’t have to wait for her outside. Granny Shan had been the one watching over her since Zhongli had been doing most of the work inside the store.

She gasped when Zhongli showed her the toy she’d been eyeing her. She immediately hugged it when handed to her, Zhongli can’t help but be in awe at the appreciative gesture.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she jumped, hugging the plushie half her size.

Granny Shan can’t help but smile at the interaction, oh how she wishes Zhongli would be able to find his home with his family.

“It’s no problem, little one. I hope you take good care of them.” Zhongli smiled.

“Qiqi will name him Mr Finch.” the girl said.

Qiqi

There was a sudden pain in Zhongli’s head, not wanting to scare the little girl, he hid the pain.

“Well, I’m glad Mr Finch is in capable hands.” he smiled through the pain.

“Qiqi can’t wait until Mama and Papa meet him! Thank you, Mr!” Qiqi said once again before she had to make her way to her mother’s bakery.

As soon as Qiqi is far enough, Zhongli releases a groan as he rubs his temples.

“Something wrong?” Granny Shan asked with worry as she followed Zhongli inside.

“It’s probably just the heat or something.” Zhongli reassured, “It should be fine after taking a break.”

Granny Shan nodded, “Well, the day should be slow now, go on and take a break. You can even walk outside? The fresh air should be good for you.” she smiled.

Zhongli nodded at the suggestion before going back to his room.

As he lay down on his bed, he can’t help but think about what had happened.

Qiqi

The name tugged something in his chest, but he just can’t understand what it is.

He took a deep breath to ease his headache, maybe he should go for a walk after a nap.

#chilumi #zhonglumi #chilumi/zhonglumi #genshin impact

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innittowinit · 3 years

Text

Abandoned amusement parks are the best place for young children (chapter 9)

Fic summary:

Techno, Tommy, Wilbur and Phil have been hanging out at the abandoned amusement park in the woods since they moved in. Techno likes knowing he's definitely alone with his brothers Tommy likes climbing on the old rides Wilbur likes having a place to play his music Phil likes spending time with his younger brothers

That is, until a group of brothers calling themselves the 'dream team' move in down the road. Will the sleepy boys give in and share the park or will they succeed in scaring the new kids off?

Chapter summary:

Wilbur and Techno make a new friend.

word count: 2064

AO3

School lunch was probably the worst part about having to go to school.

Now don't get him wrong, Wilbur understood that the vast majority of students didn’t have lives like theirs and wouldn’t get their dynamics. What he didn’t understand was why it should be okay to bully people for doing things they were ignorant of.

No, bullying was too strong of a word to use here, they had been bullied before and this was a step up from that, it was slightly closer to being able to fit in with social groups. If Wilbur had to describe how they were treated, he’d say they were simply treated like they were invisible.

Yes, they were still part of the group that got shoulder barged in crowded hallways, but it wasn’t because anyone had any substantial reason to hate them, they were just not noticed. They were invisible. How could you blame anyone for barging into someone when you didn’t even know they were there to begin with?

No, they weren’t part of the list of people who got their trays smacked, anymore, but being the only two with their trays still intact whilst everyone around them panicked in a mountain of spoiled lunches was terrifying in it’s only way.

How was it possible to be invisible and have all eyes on them at the same time?

The result of this ‘silent treatment’ was an overwhelming feeling of isolation while they were at school. While he and Techno did have a few friends, some from their class and some from clubs their parents had made them go to over the years in a desperate attempt to get them to socialise; the ones from their class, however, almost never spoke to them during school time though. Wilbur decided that they couldn’t be blamed for that. Who would want to hang out with the ‘clingy kid’ and the ‘quiet kid’ anyways?

While all the lunches and breaks alone never outwardly bothered Techno, Wilbur knew that deep down he wished for a group of close friends just as much as Wilbur did, he was just a lot more introverted so he didn’t really have the intense crave for it that he, himself, had. You see, Techno had a bad habit of pushing people away while Wilbur needed as many people as possible, while both stemmed from a fear of being abandoned, this situation wasn’t good for either.

“Hey can I sit here?”

Wilbur was pulled out of his sulk as he heard the distinct sound of a British accent, he looked up and sure enough, the new boy was standing at their table. Only once Techno had given a passive shrug, Wilbur nodded and gestured to a chair.

“You guys looked nice, my old school got shut down so I had to transfer here, is it nice? Everyone seems very...unique”

The twins shrugged, they weren’t really the best couple to ask if this new kid just wanted to hear about the school. As Wilbur watched the boy he took mental notes of a few things: One, his voice was super deep, a little like Techno’s, and he seemed to pronounce everything perfectly, he seemed very smart. Two, He had a little flag pin on his backpack, Wilbur guessed he must be foreign, even if he did have a British accent, or maybe the flag meant something else. And Three, he had a burger king crown placed Triumphantly upon his head. Looking down at his lunch explained where he had got the crown from, seriously who’s parents bought their kid’s burger king for lunch?!

Wilbur thought he looked stupid and he was only slightly jealous of his lunch.

“My name’s Eret, by the way!”

The boy smiled and shook both Techno and Wilbur’s hands, he seemed very calm and mature, Wilbur noted. He also seemed wealthy but maybe he just had Burger king with him because it was his first day at a new school and his parents wanted to give him something nice, all Wil knew was that his family wouldn’t be able to afford that for lunch every day.

“Yeah uh..” Wilbur cleared his throat as he spoke for the first time “Yeah I’m Wilbur, call me Wil though, and this is Techno-Blade but only call him Techno”

“Okay well hello Wil and Techno, I’m happy to meet you! Why are you sitting alone by the way? You’re nice enough”

Wilbur practically rolled his eyes into the back of his head, this guy seemed so righteous, like he was going to be yet another popular kid who wanted to treat him and his brother like they were animals, like he was going to coo and aww at them and baby them whenever there was something one of them couldn’t deal with. It had happened so many times and Wilbur felt horrible because he knew that every time those kids were just misinformed, they were good but ignorant people. They were always the ones who noticed they were alone but the lack of education about these kinds of problems caused a lot of them to think they were like scared little puppies who needed protection.

“Well you see, Eret” Wilbur sighed, his voice condescending as he suddenly decided they didn’t need him as a friend. “Nobody wants to be seen being friends with the clingy kid and the quiet kid. So if you want any chance at all to make some friends here you shouldn’t sit with us”

Eret seemed a little taken aback by that, he clearly hadn’t been expecting the hostility but he supposed he had struck a nerve with his question, looking back in hindsight he should have known not to ask it.

“..okay..well I don’t really care about Popularity, a few good friends are better than a hundred fake ones right?” The boy shoved the last of his burger in his mouth and finished chewing before he spoke “If it means anything, I don’t see any problem with being quiet or being clingy. And.. I’m guessing if nobody wants to hang out with you that’s pretty lonely right? Well I’m lonely too. I have no friends here. So what do you say? If friends is too much right now, we can just be lunch buddies”

Wilbur scans the boy with his eyes. Eret’s been nice to them, he didn’t question why Techno wasn’t talking even once, he didn’t gloat about having a burger king lunch. After a cautionary glance to his brother, Wilbur nods “Okay. Lunch buddies”

-------- --------

So maybe school wasn’t so bad, he had been able to understand all the work during the final two periods and the weather wasn’t bad either. It was like they’d got ten times luckier after meeting Eren? Eret? They’d only met him once! How was he supposed to remember his name?

Approaching L’manburg, the first thing they saw was Phil very carefully helping Tommy down off a roof. Wilbur consciously decided that he wouldn’t ask how he got up there.

“How was school?”

Phil sighed as he tried to clean all the mud off the youngest brother’s uniform, it was no use though, it would need to be cleaned as soon as they got home.

“We made a friend Phil, one that’ll actually talk to us in school” Placing his hands on his hips, Techno gloated about this great achievement, even though he hadn’t really been the one to do any of the talking. Even so, it was an achievement, they were making progress.

“Wait for real?” Phil grinned and ran over to the two, giving them a big hug, which was quickly joined in on by Tommy who followed Phil towards them and cuddled into them as well.

To keep him from running off while they were all distracted, Phil picked up Tommy and carried him on his hip, thankfully the boy always seemed to love being carried so he just seemed to giggle and chatter about random things, trying to tell Wil and Techno every single thing he had done that day in a single breath. Phil honestly wondered whether Tommy would grow out of being about to be picked up or if he’d realise he was only being carried to stop him running off first, either way when that day finally comes he’d need a new solution to the boys everlasting energy.

“Tell me about it! Are they nice? You should have them over for dinner one of the days” Phil grinned as they walked towards a drained fountain, sitting on the edge like a fence, Tommy happily atop Phil’s lap.

“If they’re not nice, tell me and I can stab them!”

“Tommy! Who did you learn that from?”

“...Okay anyway, he’s called Eret, he’s a bit weird but he seems nice. I think he’s like foreign or something because he had a pin with some flag on-”

“Wilbur- Oh my god you Idiot, that was a bi pin”

Phil watched as the twins made a shared recount of what had happened, butting in every five minutes to correct each other about how it had really happened. Proud was an understatement, Phil could physically feel his heart swell as he listened to them talk about this kid. All he had ever wanted for them was a happy life, school life had always been something they were extremely passive about, it made him so glad the two had someone at school they could look forward to seeing.

“You know I’m really pleased with you two, you’re doing so well. Make sure you’re nice to that boy though”

“Hey Phil did you know that I have lots of friends too?” Tommy had propped himself up onto his knees and was looking around his older brothers, clearly not liking that the attention wasn’t on him anymore now that Wil and Techno were back.

“Tommy! Vice president of L’Manburg, Of course you are super popular! You’re the greatest ever!” Techno chuckled as he bent forwards and tickled Tommy's arms, making him squirm all about.

It was becoming an awfully common occurrence now, the dream team were back and they weren’t even trying to be sneaky this time.

Wilbur gave George a death glare, who was holding the hand of another boy who he hadn’t seen before, he looked about Phil’s age honestly. Wondering if they had brought their big brother to try and fight, Wilbur pulled Tommy into his lap and gestured for Phil to deal with the ‘dream team’.

He hated that he was actually getting used to calling them by their team name.

“Yeah no, What’s going on?”

Phil was quick to get up, walking towards the others. The younger ones -eg. Everyone except from this new boy- seemed to know him as ‘the responsible one’ by now and so they scowled when they saw him. Looking at them, Phil was sure it was them being little brats because he wouldn’t let them fight his brothers but really they just didn’t like that Phil so often ended their ‘game’.

“Hey! You must be Phil!”

Despite his immediate intimidating stature, this guy seemed overwhelmingly positive, he even pulled Phil into a hug upon greeting him.

Phil didn’t trust him, not one bit.

Nobody was this happy.

“Hey so my brothers have been talking about how they’ve been playing with your bunch recently, I just wanted to talk to you about why George has a scar on his face now”

He gestured to the boy beside him, presumably why he had been holding his hand. It had been meant as a friendly way to ask about what had been going on, as his family he deserved to know if his brother got into a fight right?

That’s not the way Phil took it though, he had already been distrusting of this weird overly intimidating, yet very positive, guy from the start. He didn’t even know his name and yet he had already been hugged by him. No doubt this was him trying to start a fight about the scar, he had every right to be concerned, he would be incredibly concerned if one of his brothers came home with a bloody cheek.

What this guy didn’t know though, was that Phil had every intention of defending his brothers.

Even the rock, while it was wrong to throw it, Wilbur had been provoked.

These kids were definitely rotten.

#fanfic #fanfiction #technoblade #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #philza #ph1lza #badboyhalo #eret #theeret #dream #georgenotfound #sbi #sleepy bois inc #dt #dream team #dtblr #sleepyblr

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frangstfontaine · 3 years

Text

Hello fellow bioshockers (can’t help being cringe, sorry), I know I’ve not really been gone or anything but I’ve been getting progressively worse at being present and responsive since probably the tail-end of 2019. I’m not bold enough to assume you’ve noticed, but I thought I’d spill my guts anyway because it’s super rude of me to kinda just creep about on here being as socially constipated as I have been and not explaining myself. Even ruder that I always talk about improving on this but never change.

I hope this turns out comprehensible because I’m just gonna type this out without overthinking for once :’’’D

I’ll try to keep this short and sweet lol (won’t happen). I’ve got a big ol’ case of social anxiety that somehow got worse online than it ever was in real life. This is probably because it’s so much easier to overthink when interacting with people online because you get the chance to overthink before you press send or post. This is more relevant on this account than my others, because the bioshock community is just so lovely and nice enough to send me hilarious and interesting and thought-provoking asks (which I love so so so much), and I inflict this irrational pressure on myself to answer with something interesting in return. And because of this I end up thinking too much and leaving it too late to answer, when really just an acknowledgement that i’ve read and thought about what you’ve said would probably suffice. Would be a lot less shitty of me than just not answering at all.

All this has gotten to the point where I’m filled with dread and guilt whenever I post something and usually end up deleting 5 mins later to ease my mind. Which I know rationally is silly. It’s just a post that people will either read or scroll past and get on with whatever else theyre doing.

I also have this terrible mentality where I believe that eventually anyone who interacts with me enough will start to hate me or I’ll bore/annoy them and become a bother and I don’t want to ruin the friendship I have with them,,, like I want to freeze the relationship at the point it is at and never taint it. But that just means I ruin potential friendships because I just don’t give anything to work with. But at the same time I love socialising, I love what you guys have to say you’re all so funny and clever! I wish I could know you without you having to know me but that’s not how interaction works and it’s selfish of me to want that. I don’t know why I’m like this when everyone on here has been nothing but supportive (aside from the people who called me a fascist for drawing fontaine but that’s a story for another time)

In the past this is something I could keep on top of, but since the end of 2019 things in my family life got hard to cope with, but necessarily, I think (there’s comfort in that) and that became more urgent than anything else. But recently, something happened that shocked and scared me enough to bring me back down to earth, and all my previous worries seem so trivial now. Like, why the hell am I so scared of logging into a tumblr account? Why am I ruining something that I enjoy and brings me a lot of comfort in these trying times? I know this sounds silly and I don’t mean to make what happened about me or my fuckin bioshock blog lol. It’s just that comfort is really important and we should indulge in it where possible.

Also, I miss the fuck out of everyone on here.

Anyway, sorry about this big boohoo essay amidst worldwide struggle. I also just want to mention that despite my blubbering you don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. You can be as mean and sarcastic to me as you want, I won’t take that as you hating me. In fact, I’d take that as a sign that you feel comfortable enough to be mean and sarcastic with me which is great! :’’D

Ok, I’m done talking now… I don’t know how to end,,, uh, peace out? (wtf I never say that)

TLDR:

#aaaaaaaagh post #not bioshock #ramblings

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sign-from-god-complex · 5 years

Text

Idealistic

Summary: Even after months of friendship, Logan didn’t know Remy’s major. There was, in fact, quite a lot he didn’t know about Remy, but Logan found he was more than willing to learn.

Pairing: Sleeplogical / Losleep

A/N: This fic is based on the lovely @sleepless-in-starbucks' space!Remy idea!!! it’s probably also worth noting that Logan’s last name here is McKenzie, which is why that’s what Remy is calling him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are certain things certain groups of people will always find important.

For example, when you meet a child, they will often tell you their age down to the month—a fact not many adults will care all that much about sharing. Fisherman will talk about fish and authors will talk about books; each group has its own unique priorities.

One of the things that university students find to be particularly important is your major.

Your major can tell people a lot about you—give hints as to whether you're practical or creative, whether you dream big or are more realistic and, often, what you are truly passionate about.

Logan's own major—psychology—told others that he was fairly grounded, ambitious and that his misunderstanding of other human beings and how they work had culminated in a lifelong fascination in figuring it out. Had Logan been looking into practising psychology rather than simply researching it, that would have said other things, but Logan had made it very clear where his interests lay.

Logan's roommate, Roman's, major declared him an overdramatic idiot with his hopes set higher than it was usually possible to achieve; Patton's major declared him sweet, caring and hardworking; Virgil's major declared him subtly intelligent and willing to stay up to unreasonable hours to get things done. Truly, there was so much you could learn from knowing the majors of the people you socialise with.

Which is why it irritated Logan so much that he still didn't know Remy's.

Remy was an enigma. From the moment they sauntered their way into Logan's regular coffee shop, only displaying the bits of themself they wanted people to see, Logan had been enamoured by the idea of what lay underneath the surface.

Every so often he would get a glimpse of something more than the flirty persona Remy put on. They would laugh—genuinely laugh, ducking their head, their cheeks flushed—or they would sigh—soft and quiet and sadder than Logan ever wanted them to feel—and moment by moment Logan fell just a little bit further for them.

He didn't mean to, but he had been reliably informed that no one ever did.

Logan exhaled into the cold air, watching his breath mist in front of him. The sound of music from the house behind him was muffled as he leant against the balcony railing, trying to catch a moment alone.

Roman had dragged him to this party, citing that he needed to get out more and stop being such a buzzkill. Logan personally thought that there was a large difference between finding studying important and being a buzzkill but he wasn't going to waste his breath attempting to explain that to Roman, who rarely listened to him anyway.

"You doing alright out here, McKenzie?"

Logan caught the sound of Remy's voice and he spun around, watching them close the sliding glass door behind them. There was a grin at Logan's reaction but it wasn't unkind, just teasing and playful.

Logan, hoping the dim lighting outside would hide his blush, turned back to look over the railing. "I am fine, Remy, thank you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Logan saw Remy approach the edge of the balcony to stand beside him, lifting their sunglasses to perch on the top of their head. Something in Logan warmed at the fact that Remy felt comfortable enough around him to remove their armour—and he knew without a doubt that's what those sunglasses represented.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Logan whispered, gazing up at the sky and failing to notice the way Remy tensed beside him at the question.

"The stars? I mean, they're just balls of gas." Remy's voice was stiff and uncomfortable as they fiddled with the sleeve of their leather jacket. "What’s there to be so excited about?"

Logan startled, turning to look at Remy incredulously. "There is so much more to them than that, Remy. Barring the fact that the stars are one of the most visually pleasing things we, as human beings, will ever get a chance to see, they represent so much more than just balls of gas. They represent the idea of exploration, of infinity, of a sense of longing for that which is outside our reach.”

He gestured vaguely upwards, expecting to go on, but was interrupted by a single word from Remy.

“Astronomy.”

It was blurted, hurried and almost afraid, and Remy appeared as if they already regretted it.

Logan furrowed his brow. “What?”

“You… wanted to know my major, that day in the cafe when we met.” Remy spoke slowly, seemingly almost rolling their words around their mouth before releasing them.

Logan nodded. He hadn’t been sure at the time why Remy had so adamantly avoided the subject of their major but it was obvious they didn’t want to share and Logan was learning not to push. It bothered him immensely—because it was another missing piece of the puzzle when it came to figuring Remy out—but he didn’t want to risk their friendship over something so trivial.

Remy sighed, directing their gaze upward and away from Logan. “It’s astronomy.”

And suddenly, Logan felt he had a much clearer picture of who Remy was then he had ever been afforded before.

Because astronomy tells tales of someone always longing for something else. It tells the story of a young child sitting on the roof, wishing to be anywhere but here, wishing to be somewhere they felt they fit. Astronomy was patient, insatiable curiosity and childish excitement hidden behind the guise of serious scientific achievement; it was someone who looked up once and never saw the worth in looking back down.

Logan tilted his head, trying to figure out the reasoning behind Remy’s previous attitude. “But why would you…?”

He trailed off as Remy huffed, twisting up their mouth with a look Logan couldn’t quite identify—something between self-deprecation, anger and regret.

“I was just so sick of people’s reactions. Sick of being told I wasn’t smart enough, sick of being told that I needed to be more realistic, get my head out of the clouds. The stars are gorgeous—” and with that, Remy leaned out further over the railing, almost as if they were trying to throw themself right up there to join them—“and there’s almost nothing I wouldn’t give to know everything I could about them.”

“I feel the same way about humans.”

Remy laughed, pulling themself back from the railing, their face painted red in embarrassment. “See? Grounded.”

Logan shook his head. “Idealistic,” he corrected, “I think we both are.”

That seemed to calm Remy, prompting them to sigh—low but not too heavy. They both returned to look out at the sky, hands resting side by side on the balcony railing and eyes catching subtle glances at each other between breaths. The atmosphere felt as if it had been lifted, making Logan seem weightless, even hopeful.

“Can you… tell me about them?”

“About the stars?” Remy looked hesitant but Logan felt as if he knew what that stemmed from. It was from every dismissal, every pointed and over-dramatic sigh and every time they’d been disrupted. Logan wouldn’t even dream of letting that happen here.

“Please,” Logan insisted, “I’ve always been interested but I’ve never really had the time to look into it. You would be doing me a favour.”

They took a steadying breath, their eyes scanning the sky for a second, before settling on one spot in particular. They pointed upward, their hand wavering ever so slightly. “That’s Sirius, d’you see it?”

Logan hummed lightly. “I’m not sure.”

Huffing a breath, Remy moved to stand behind him, pressing up against his back and resting their head on his shoulder. The two of them were about the same height—Remy was slightly taller but it was by an almost negligible amount—and yet Logan had never felt quite as small. Or as warm.

They grabbed a hold of Logan’s hand on the railing and aimed a finger towards a particular star.

"How ‘bout now?”

“Yes, I see it.” Logan’s voice was hushed, almost reverent, as if he was concerned about disturbing the quiet that had settled over the two of them.

“Sirius is the brightest star in our sky, though it’s actually a binary star system made up of two stars, Sirius A and Sirius B. It’s also one of the closest stars to Earth, sitting at eight and a half-ish light-years away.

“And if you see the stars, here…” Remy elongated the word as they drew Logan’s hand around the sky, gesturing to a few other stars in the area. “They’re all a part of the constellation Canis Major, or the Greater Dog, which also contains VY Canis Majoris, one of the biggest stars we know about. At the moment, anyway.”

Logan made a hum of acknowledgement, watching Remy grin out of the corner of his eye.

They were excited—genuinely excited—their eyes glittering and bright, biting at their bottom lip as they thought of what to say next. Again, they moved Logan’s hand, gesturing to a particular star, then another, then a cluster, then a constellation, filling Logan’s head with passionate chatter and a landslide of interesting facts.

He's certain he's never felt so fond—potentially of anyone but certainly of Remy, and he's always fond of Remy. There was just something about seeing someone engage in their passions without remorse that lifted that feeling to a whole new level.

If only there was a way to remove that hesitance for good.

"What?"

Remy drew away, their tone defensive as they caught onto Logan's shifting mood.

"It's nothing." At their unamused glare, Logan sighed, correcting himself. "I just… I wish you were this excited all the time. I don't know what happened exactly to make you so apprehensive about your interests but watching you ramble like this is enchanting, Remy."

“Well, I got an image to maintain, gurl,” Remy snarked, “Can’t just be throwing this kind of vulnerability around wherever; gotta save it for the people who matter.”

Logan flushed, ducking his head slightly to avoid the adoring look Remy was giving him, making him feel warm even despite the bite of the wind. “I have to admit that I’m vaguely surprised to be included in that group of people.”

“Hun, you’re almost the whole group. Don’t really have people chomping at the bit to be my best friend.”

Their tone wasn’t disappointed or resigned, simply stating it like they would anything else in their life and it frustrated Logan that they thought they were worth so little in the eyes of other people when they were so valuable in his own.

“I truly can’t imagine why not,” Logan muttered under his breath.

They gave Logan something of a soft look, shaking their head in a way that made Logan wonder if they’d heard him. “Anyway, I think we have a party to be getting back to, doll.”

Flipping their sunglasses back onto the bridge of their nose, they gave Logan an impish grin, tossing in a wink before pushing them up for what Logan was sure was no other reason than to watch his cheeks stain red. They had a tendency to do things like that, to make Logan flustered or stumble with their words and small gestures.

Somehow, he felt as if this could be more than simple teasing, though he wasn’t quite sure why.

They threw their arm around Logan’s shoulders, steering him over towards the door and pulling it open with more flourish than was probably required for the action.

“Wait, Remy.” Logan flung his arm out, stopping Remy halfway to walking back into the house.

He paused for a moment, trying to gather both his thoughts and his courage. Remy only waited patiently, their focus entirely on him—not on the rest of the evening or what they might be doing tomorrow, not even on the stars or the sounds of the party inside, but solely on him and this moment.

“I… enjoyed this…” Logan began, words hesitant and low, “And I would be amenable to doing something similar again in the future. Perhaps without the drunk college students in the background.”

A smile softened Remy’s face, their sunglasses gleaming in the dim lights of the street outside and Logan couldn’t tell exactly how they were looking at him but he thought he had a pretty good idea.

“I think I’d like that.”

Logan smiled back—more involuntarily than in mirror of Remy’s own expression. He felt no butterflies or fireworks inside him; instead, Logan felt warm and safe, like a sunrise cresting over the hill, shining a light on a day that he’d been anticipating for months now.

It would also be fair to say he felt… protected. He always did with Remy. Logan would never claim to want for or require protection by any means, however, it was comforting all the same.

“Good.”

It was barely more than a whisper, a suggestion of a word rather than practical implementation.

“Good,” Remy echoed. Then their brow furrowed the tiniest bit, their smile turning into a smirk, “It’s a date then.”

Logan nodded absentmindedly. “Yes, it’s a dat- wait, what?”

Remy laughed at his shocked expression—bright and sharp and their tongue poking out and gods, they were so pretty; Logan wasn’t sure he was capable of fitting all of these emotions inside his chest without simply exploding.

They painted on a Cheshire-cat grin, somehow looking amused and affectionate all at once. “See you ‘round, McKenzie!”

And with those parting words, Remy twirled on the spot and disappeared into the crowd of people, leaving Logan with nothing more than the sound of their laughter ringing in his ears and a night to look forward to.

Taglist: @mutechild @super-magical-wizard @shadowsfromthesun @teadays @sandersships @mctaetae613 @autism-goblin @deadlyhuggles6 @romanthestarstruckqueer @whispers-stuff-in-your-ear @rainboots-are-for-snobs @sanders-and-sides @spirits-in-my-thoughts @kee-and-co @autistic-virgil @stop-it-anxiety @figurative-falsehood @jadedfantasies231 @idosanderssidespromptssometimes @poisonedapples @sanders-screams @another-sandersidesblog @do-not-just-see-observe @mychemicalpanicattheemo @thomassandersenthusiast

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #logan sanders #remy sanders #losleep #sleeplogical #lo can write #or so I say hahah #I have to say I'm actually not 100% on the characterisation in this one?? but oh well

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