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rubydubydoo122 · 1 month

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In every universe Jason Peter Todd dies young. It’s a fate sealed across the multiverse. Maybe he could hope that there’s one universe where he doesn’t. aka, Jason, Dick, and Bruce go multiverse hopping, and are not having a fun time. (Ps, when I started writing this fic I hced Jason as Latino, but I don't really believe in that hc anymore, so just a heads up if you don't like that hc)

TRIGGER WARNING -> Hey... I don't think there are any this chapter!

It felt like ice was settling in Jason’s chest. He wasn’t Robin. He was no longer a street kid. He wasn’t Robin. He was no longer a street kid. He wasn’t Robin, he was no longer a street kid, he was safe.

He was supposed to be safe.

Why was he dead?

He was supposed to live. He had a life outside of living to the next day or saving Gotham.

Why did he die?

Why does he keep dying?

He looked to Bruce, whose eyes were rimmed red from the crying he was doing earlier. Then to Dick, who was standing unnaturally still.

“ What did I do?” he wasn’t sure if he shouted it at the top of his lungs or barely even whispered it. “What did I do wrong?”

Dick snapped himself out of his transe, “Jason you didn’t do anything–”

“I had to have done something. I had to have done something so fucked on a cosmic scale.” He pulled at his hair, hard, to stop his eyes from burning, “I keep dying. I keep dying. That Jason had a good life. He was finally safe. He had no reason to die. He had a good life. He was happy. He was beyond loved.” His breath hitched and he knew he couldn’t stop the dam of emotions that were flooding over. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand. Why do I have to die? Why don’t I get a happy ending? Why don’t I deserve one?”

Before he could tell what was going on he was back in his Dad’s arms. One hand at the base of his head and the other rubbing circles into his shoulder. In the way he used. Just like he used to.

“Jay, lad, you listen to me, and you listen to me closely. You haven’t done anything to deserve the fates that have been handed to you. You were a child. One who was forced to grow up too fast, when all you should’ve been allowed to do was live. You deserve to live. And you are living right now.”

He felt Dick cling onto the both of them, “Maybe the universe is cruel. Maybe you had a shitty ending, but it was a shitty ending to your prologue. You got a second chance, and Bruce and I will do everything to make sure you get a happy ending. Because that’s what you deserve.”

And that’s why he let them in, all those years ago. Because they cared . They both really cared. About Jason.

Bruce moved one of his arms so he was also holding Dick, “You’re my boys. My boys. And I’ll always get you two back.”

Jason buried his face into Bruce’s shoulder. He remembers there used to be a time where he’d hug Bruce and barely make it past his ribs. He used to only be able to rest his chin on Bruce’s shoulder if Bruce was kneeling.

Despite how much Jason has grown, he still feels so small. And he’ll let himself feel that way. Because he’s not alone anymore. He has his dad and brother to protect him.

They realized it was mid February of 2017. Meaning this universe’s Jason was 16. So it was most likely another Zombie Jason. So they made the decision to sit the universe out. Except, after a day they were still there. Then two, then they started to get restless. So Dick and Jason went out for a little food run, and they came back with three sacks of oranges and a Dick had gotten a bag of edibles.

They came back to the motel to the sound of the news. And a Dick who was high as balls

Dick ripped open the bag or oranges and squinted at the screen, “Huh, didn’t realize Tim wore yellow pants.”

Jason also looked at the screen. The Robin who was currently on screen, leaped over a sentient vine, wearing Jason’s yellow snow pants, and green combat boots. “That’s not Tim, that’s me.”

“Oh yeah…Tim has his…staff.” Dick took out a bunch of oranges and started juggling them.

Bruce sighed from where he was making adjustments to the beacon design. Though, Jason doesn’t understand why he keeps adjusting it. It’s useless if it’s on paper. “Are you two high right now?”

Dick raised an eyebrow at Bruce, “Come on, Bruce. I’m an adult capable of making my own responsible decisions.”

Jason rolled his eyes, “Come on Bruce, you know I rarely accept pain killers. And this is a Gotham pre- me cleaning up the whole drug trade.”

Bruce looked to Dick, “Edibles?” he nodded, “Give.” Dick dug the bag of gummies from his pocket and handed it to Bruce. He looked from Jason, to Dick, then back to Jason, “I trust you checked if it was clean.”

“It’s literally my job. Been doing it since I was 18.”

Bruce had that face like he wanted to say something, but shrugged and popped a gummy in his mouth.

Batman doing edibles. Now there’s a sight.

They focused back on the screen where Batman and Robin were closing in on Poison Ivy, Robin ran towards Batman, where they locked hands as Robin leaped, and threw a kick to Ivy’s head, knocking her out cold. Jason frowned, “That was like… a six.” Robin looked quite winded by that, which was weird because he knew he should have more energy like that.

The camera panned to Vicky Vale on the screen, “That was the fifth rogue of the month. And it’s not even Valentines. They’re really putting Batman and Robin through the ringer.”

“Oh my god, Bruce,” Dick suddenly stopped juggling the oranges they had bought. “It's the winter of hell.”

“What’s the winter of– oh wait, isn’t it when Bane snaps Bruce’s back like a toothpick?”

“Yes, though, that was because, I’ll admit, I was burnt out by the mass Arkham Asylum breakout, and I refused to ask for help.”

“Don’t worry, Old Man. It was part of your character development.”

The screen panned from Ivy in handcuffs, and Batman talking to Commissioner Gordon, to Robin, pulling his cape over his shoulders and walking over to the Batmobile. His breaths were coming out unnaturally even, meaning he was trying to control how tired he looked. Still he flashed a smile at the camera and sat in the passenger seat.

Bruce set down his pencil, “Robin probably has a test this week.” He must’ve seen Jason’s confused expression, “You used to keep your notes in the Batmobile the week leading up to a test. You would stay in the Batmobile and study while I talked to Commissioner Gordon.”

Dick tossed Jason a peeled orange, “Nerd.”

“Yet, I can still lift more than you, bro.” Jason pulled apart a piece and tossed it in his mouth.

Bruce held out his hand for an orange. Dick grabbed one out of the bag for him, and Bruce started peeling it. “The next attack is in two days, and it’s–”

“Oh! Let me guess. My man, Eddie Nygma. Aka, the Riddler.”

“No, it’s the Joker and the Scarecrow.”

“Huh. I hate both of them. When do they make an appearance?”

“In… two days.”

Dick started munching on his orange, “Damn, we got sent back early.”

Bruce tossed Jason half of the orange he just peeled, “Maybe the force that is pinballing us across the multiverse knows our thoughts and feelings.” He said it in a way that indicated he was joking.

Jason blinked, “Hold up. Bruce, you might be onto something. What were you guys thinking of right before we all got hit with the beam? And be so honest with me right now.”

Dick frowned, “I don’t really remember, just that I had to make sure you were safe.”

“I was thinking about how the machine Black Mask had used was a prototype and had never been used before. I…I thought I was going to lose you again.”

Ok, that’s what Jason had thought, “And how about after the first Jay who died?”

“I was thinking about how small you were. And how you were too young to die.”

Dick nodded, “I was thinking the same thing, but then I think I had a line of thought like ‘if we’d found Jason earlier on the streets, he wouldn’t’ve been that small.’”

Jason grinned, “Ok, so I’m pretty sure us being pinballed around the multiverse has something to do with the Law of Attraction.”

Bruce grunted, “That’s just a placebo–”

Dick hushed him, “Do you have magical swords, Bruce? No. Let our supernatural expert speak.”

“As you know, the Law of Attraction states that thoughts and energy have the power to shape a reality. When we first got hit, Bruce was thinkin’ of me dyin’, so we got thrown into a reality where I died. Then the second reality was a merging of you thinkin’ I was too young to die, and you thinking of findin’ a little Jason on the streets. And at that point, Bruce was trying to figure out a pattern and the only thing his brain could latch onto was–”

“You being dead.”

“Yes! Yes exactly. And we’ve just been spiraling and spiraling and spiraling. And, hm, maybe the reason why this Jason is our first one older than 15 is because in the last one, we thought he would live longer. Ya know?”

Dick hummed, “So you’re saying if we think happy thoughts, this Jason will live?”

“Well, not happy , per say, just not overly pessimistic. Like ‘ Jason will live’ is a great line for manifestations. Obviously, the Law of Attraction isn’t the law of the land, there are certain events that are written in the–” Jason snorted as he suddenly remembered something, “Canon Events. There are Canon Events, but like other details are always changing. That’s why I hate looking into the future. Drives me nuts, bolts and bananas. I bet my canon event is stealing Bruce’s tires.”

“You literally said you were Uncle Ben–”

“Upapapapa,” Jason wagged his finger at Dick, “That sounds like some negative affirmations. Gimme another orange. Doc told me I’ll get scurvy.”

Dick burst out into laughter while Bruce whipped his head to Jason so fast, he was afraid he’d get whiplash, “Jason! You’re not allowed to have citrus!”

“Yes I am.”

“Oh. Ok.” Bruce immediately relaxed, “I could’ve sworn you weren’t though. Something about the Ascorbic acid reducing melanin production.”

“Only if it’s too much. Tis a delicate balance.”

Dick handed Jason another peeled orange, “Don’t get scurvy, bro.”

“Thanks. I can feel it fading as we speak.” Jason chewed on a piece, “Anywho, positive vibes, or else I’ll be dismal.”

“But being dismal isn’t good for good vibes.”

“Exactly.”

That being said, it was hard not to think of everything that could go wrong. Especially knowing that Batman and Robin would be facing the Joker. Especially knowing that in a decent amount of universes they had been to, Jason had been killed by the Joker. Still, they tried. Bruce wrote out affirmations on the little notepad in the motel room, Dick said them outloud, and Jason meditated.

Still, two days later, when they saw Batman and Robin facing the Joker and Scarecrow, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

The Joker immediately looked at Robin, but Jason could see the moment the Joker realized something more . He looked Robin up and down, gaze lingering a bit lower, before making eye contact, and bursting into a fit of giggles, “My, my, Boy Blunder you sure are growing at an alarming rate.”

“Yeah, I’ve been eating my vegetables. I heard carrots help give your skin a natural glow. Did’ja not eat enough ‘a those growing up? You’re looking a bit pasty.” For all his talk, Robin pulled his cape around him.

Batman stepped in between the two of them. “Robin, do you have your gasmask on you?”

Robin responded by grabbing it out of his utility belt, “I’ll get Crane.” He pulled out his grapple, and he swung away.

“Now, Batsy, I didn’t mean it that way–” Batman started pummeling the Joker with his fists.

…That doesn’t make sense. The Joker is a lot of horrible vile things, but a pedophile isn’t one of them. Otherwise Jason would’ve killed him point blank years ago.

Then the screen split in half to show Robin running and leaping to grab the bottom rung of a fire escape and kicking Crane into a pile of trash. Crane started to sit up, but Robin took a glass bottle, flipped it in his hands once, and smashed it into Crane’s noggin.

Really, Crane is easy to defeat if you don’t breathe in his fear toxins. That’s why he loves his helmet. Built in filters. One punch, and Crane is down for the count.

While Batman continued to punch the living daylights out of the Joker, Robin made quick work of cuffing Crane. Then he leaned against the bricks panting.

The earlier gas mask models were hard to breathe in. Adding the cold low pressure winter air made it nearly impossible to breathe while fighting.

Batman seemed to be done pounding the Joker’s head in. Mainly because Commissioner Gordon had come by, thrown a kick at the piece of garbage, and started cuffing the man

Robin rolled his shoulders and shook out his leg before picking up Crane from where he was laying, and dragging him out of the Alley. Eventually, Batman came, lifted Crane into a fireman’s carry and nodded at Robin.

To anyone else, the nod would’ve seemed cold and dismissive, but Jason knew that specific nod meant you can relax now.

Robin ripped off his gas mask, and grappled away.

Jason grabbed a pair of gloves, his jacket, and the red beanie they’d got, “I’m going to my gargoyle.”

Jason knew he would arrive at the gargoyle after Robin, but what he didn’t expect was to catch Robin sound asleep in the corner of the roof. He wasn’t even sitting under Garry, just in the corner with his cape pulled around him.

Seemed more like a Tim thing to pass out on a roof, but Jason was also a pretty light sleeper… but Robin should’ve heard him coming up the fire escape. Jason made sure to be a bit louder on his way up.

Was he–

No, he couldn’t be. Bruce built the winter suit with warmers built in so he wouldn’t freeze. And he could see Robin’s breaths puff up in the cold air. He was probably just really tired.

Really tired.

Jason moved to sit next to Gary, but made sure he could still keep an eye on their surroundings. Though, if he hadn’t been paying attention, and if he didn’t see it coming a mile away, he wouldn’t’ve spotten Batman.

He sent a little wave towards the shadow, and signed out “ One Bad Night A-R-T. Are you gonna make me sing the song?”

Batman came out of the shadows, “Jason?”

That caused Robin to pick out his head in a panic, but then he saw Batman, blinked blearily, and then rested his head back on his knees, falling back asleep.

Jason made a concerned face towards Robin as Batman moved to sit next to Jason.

“He was up last night studying for an APUSH test. I told him to take a break tonight, but–-” Batman shrugged, “You know you.” He looked to Robin with a look that was a mix between fond and concerned, before looking back to Jason, “Report.”

Jason rolled his eyes. Some things about Bruce never changed across realities, “Black Mask hit us with a teleportation prototype which caused us to be pinballed around the multiverse.” He said in a low voice, so he wouldn’t wake up Robin, “We’ve been to…close to thirty universes, the longest we’ve been in one singular reality was around three days, the shortest was close to 10 minutes, I think. Our Bruce can tell you the exact stuff. We’re certain that our allies are working on bringing us home, but because we keep moving around…”

“You think they can’t pinpoint your location.”

Jason nodded.

“Is it just you and your Bruce?”

“Dick too.”

Batman nodded, “We can all head to the cave right now, if you would like?”

Jason glanced at Robin, and how the only reason he was asleep right now was pure exhaustion and the feeling of safety. Especially after the Joker’s sexual harassment, it was surprising that Robin even fell asleep. strangers coming to his home, he definitely wouldn’t be able to properly rest, even though he clearly needed it.

“We’ll swing by… tomorrow evening? That way you can warn Alfred. If we don’t show, chances are we got thrown into a different reality.”

Batman gave him a barely there smile, “I’ll try not to take it too personally.”

So there they were, standing in front of the manor gates, fighting over who would ring the doorbell.

Dick pushed Jason forwards, “Jason, you’re the one who was invited, you ring it.”

Jason stepped behind Bruce, “You’re the one who’s better with people.”

“You literally talked to this Bruce yesterday.”

“You’ve literally talked to any other version of Bruce. Just ring the buzzer.”

“You do it!”

Bruce rolled his eyes, and hit the buzzer, “I’m sure you’ve been watching them bicker.”

The gates opened, as the automated voice of Alfred patched through, “Yes, it is quite amusing to see they never truly grow out of it.”

Dick scoffed, “Once an annoying younger brother, always an annoying younger brother.”

Just for that, Jason flicked Dick’s cheek, with a satisfying pip sound. Dick looked like he was about to smack Jason in retaliation, but Alfred was standing at the front door with a very stern look on his face.

Alfred led them into the study room where a younger Bruce and Jay were both waiting for them.

Hm, this was weird. He never saw Bruce at this point in time. Though, this Bruce didn’t look much different from the other Bruces they’ve been seeing across realities. Jay on the other hand… he looked different.

He was taller than most of the Jasons they had met. Probably around 5’5”. And his features were more mature. It was losing the roundness he’d gained during his years living in the manor. The spots of vitiligo across his face stood out in the way they usually did during the summer, meaning his completion was probably deeper. And his eyes– he didn’t have central heterochromia like Sheila. They were warm and brown. Just like Mami’s.

Alternate reality Bruce stood up and shook Bruce and Dick’s hands, oddly, this was the most formal meeting with their alternate reality selves. “Hello, welcome to our reality. What’s the ‘low down ’?”

Jay turned to Jason, Dick and made a ‘ this man is so embarrassing’ face. Dick held back a laugh as alternate reality Bruce opened the entrance to the Cave, and regular Bruce started filling him in. Basically the stuff Jason told him last night, only in more detail. Like down to the minute they were in each reality, and… well, he didn’t tell him about the multiple Jason’s dying part, but that was probably because Bruce was trying hard with the positive affirmations.

Then he brought out the blueprints for the beacon, and Jay took one look at it and smacked his head, and rushed towards the stairs, “I have a physics project. I swear, if one more maniac shows up this week, I’m gonna lose it.”

Younger Bruce looked at Jay with a smirk, “Then I suppose it’s a good thing it’s Saturday, huh?”

Jay fixed him with a deadpan stare, “Your Dad-jokes aren’t nearly as funny as you think they are.”

Bruce didn’t seem hurt by the comment, but it did seem to soften him, with a face that looked more… vulnerable, “If you need to take a break–”

“No. I’m good. We catch Two-Face and then I’m stayin’ in bed the entirety of break.”

Bruce sucked a breath through his teeth, playfully, “If those are your plans, I guess I’ll have to cancel those college tours. Are you planning on bedrotting through rehearsal too?”

“You know what I meant.” Then Jay continued up the stairs while singing ‘Those magic changes’ from Grease.

Jason grinned, “I actually love this reality. It’s the best one we’ve been to, by far .”

Younger Bruce gave him an amused look, “I’m glad you like it. May I ask why all the other realities were not so great?”

“Hmm… No. We’re trying to keep a positive mindset here, and thinking about all the other realities would… make us pretty despondent.”

Younger Bruce blinked towards Older Bruce, who grunted, “They need time to process what we have seen in other realities. We will tell you, eventually.”

“Hrg.” He could see the push and pull between Batman’s skepticism and Bruce’s willingness to help people behind his eyes, “What can you tell me?”

“I faced a similar situation where there was a mass Arkham breakout, though it was all orchestrated by Eduardo Dorrance, otherwise known as Bane. He is aware of our identities and after we put Two-Face back in Arkham, he breaks into the manor to catch us off guard.”

And just like that, younger Bruce was in Batman mode and finding all the information he could on Bane.

“Bruce, Bane’s whole thing was breaking you down emotionally and mentally, so he could break you physically.” Dick placed a hand on his shoulder, “Yes, you do need to capture Two-Face, but you also need to take a break, otherwise he will break you.”

Bruce continued to search through the Batcomputer, “How can you say that when he knows who I am? Just by knowing, that puts all of us at risk. What if he targets the Dick and the Titans, or Jason’s school? I need to be prepared–”

“You can prepare yourself with as much information as you can, but without proper rest, you can never truly be prepared.”

Both Dick and Jason turned to look at Old Man Bruce, cus, yeah Bruce was wise when he decided to actually communicate, but that edged on the hypocritical side.

Old Man Bruce didn’t pay attention to them gawking, “I could also give you all the information I know about Bane, but only if you rest. It would take less time that way.”

Younger Bruce stopped typing, “...Fine. But it’s only because I know Alfred is going to be done with dinner soon and I don’t want to keep him waiting.”

“No patrolling tonight. Two-Face doesn’t show up for another two days. You are taking the weekend off. No Batman or Batman adjacent work.”

“Are… are you benching me right now?”

Older Bruce gave him the look ™ meaning he wasn’t going to be accepting any nonsense from younger Bruce. Honestly, it was kinda weird. Most of the other Bruces, Bruce had spoken to in a strictly professional manner. He never… Daded them.

Ok, it was really weird.

Younger Bruce seemed to realize it was a losing battle, and turned off the Batcomputer, “Ok then, though I expect all the information you know about Bane to be on there by Monday.”

So now that they had the whole positive/negative affirmations thing going, they had a realization. They were probably being tethered to each reality by the Jason of said universe. So as long as this Jason stayed alive, they would stay in this universe.

And so far this Jason was doing a better job than Jason had, so…

The kid was 16 and had a fully functioning brain. He was doing things he loved like school and the musical. He was living, and making Robin work. Jason was happy for him. He was happy for Bruce who was gushing about how well Jay did during the fall play, and some of the volunteer work he was doing on top of that and–

This could’ve been his life.

So the first chance he got, he ran to hide. Technically, it wasn’t hiding, because the library was the first place anyone would think to look for him, but it got him alone. It gave him space to breathe.

And maybe he was a masochist for reading ‘The Time Machine’ by H.G Wells, but you can’t be in a family of vigilantes without being the slightest bit masochistic.

He was about halfway through when Jay snuck in with a binder and pencil in his hands and sat on the floor next to the couch Jason was on, so he was blocked from view of the Library door.

Not five minutes later Dick walked in, eyes searching around the room, “Have you seen Jason?”

Now, Jason wasn’t an idiot, and he knew that Jay was probably hiding because he also needed a breather. “What, tryna replace me?”

“What? No. I just–”

“That was cruel of me to say.” He knew the words would hurt Dick, and adding venom to them would just be salt on a scab that had been picked at, “He’s probably doing homework or something.”

Dick frowned, like he was debating which conversation to continue, and then he sighed, “That’s what he was doing when I last checked, but now I can’t find him.”

“Then he’s probably with Alfred. There’s really only three places in the manor he’d be.” He did also have a real hiding spot, but Jay seemed like he needed to do work, and that hiding spot was small and dark, and only for when he felt like everything was too big and too much.

“I already checked.”

Jason squared Dick with a look, “Then maybe, you’re being too hover-y and he wants some space.”

Dick cringed at himself, “You’re probably right.” Then he started walking closer to the couch.

“What are you doing?”

“Hanging out with you?” he went to sit on the couch, but Jason swatted him with the book.

“No. you’re not. Go away. Find ways to entertain yourself.”

“What if we dye your white streak red?”

Jason groaned, “Go away, Richard . I’ve spent the last week with you and Bruce. Give me some me time.”

“No.” Dick definitely meant that sarcastically, because he stood up to leave, but then he paused at the door, “You know you’ll always be my little brother, right? Nothing changes that. Not death, or moral differences– nothing.”

“I can’t be your little brother, because I’m taller–”

“Oh, fuck off–”

“--But you'll always be my big brother too.” Then Jason realized that they were getting into super sappy territory so he tacked on, “In case the passing out on you didn’t get that through your thick skull.”

And just like that Dick’s soft big brother act, that he usually reserves for Damian, disappeared, “I swear, if I ever see you using those magical–”

“Bye!”

“--Soul sucking–”

“Bye!”

“--Swords, I will–”

“Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye!” Jason rushed to shut the door, “Love ya too.”

Jay peeked over the couch, then slowly stood up then collapsed in the papasan chair, heaving out a sigh of relief, “And that’s supposed to be the same man who begs Bruce to give him space every time he visits?”

“I, honest to god, have no clue how that happened.” Jason sat back down on the couch.

Jay started opening up the binder in his hand, and then glanced at Jason, “Magical soul suckin' swords?”

“They’re not as bad as they sound.”

“Can I… see them?”

“No.”

They sat in silence, Jay finishing up his project and Jason continued reading until Jay definitely finished and started to open and close his mouth like he was debating asking a question.

Jason set his book down and settled deeper into the couch, “Are ya gonna continue to catch flies with your mouth or are ya gonna ask?”

“Hold up, I'm debatin' if I should ask the harder questions first or the easy ones.”

Jason drummed his fingers on his knee, “Start with the easy ones. I might not be allowed to answer the harder ones.” Jay frowned, so Jason added, “By Bruce. 'Cause he’s a control freak.”

“Naturally.” Jay shifted so he was mirroring Jason’s body language, “Why are your eyes blue?”

Jason gave him a ‘Use your brain’ look, because, really?

“Well, I know it’s because of the Multiverse and not everything’s gonna be the same, but there are certain things that have to stay the same for us to be Jason , right? So… if you’re more white passing, but ya still look like Papi, then–”

“Yeah, we have different birth moms. Though, Catherine did raise me.”

“Were ya also on the streets?”

Jason nodded, “And boostin' the tires off of Bruce’s car seems to be a multiversal constant.”

Jay grinned, “It’s just iconic behavior, as Eddie would put it.” Then he gestured to the front of his hair, “Vitiligo?”

“Dick still doesn’t have a clue. I’m 90% sure he thinks it’s the magical swords.”

“Son of the world's greatest detective and he still can’t figure it out.”

Jason rolled his eyes, “The last reality we went to, it was one where none of us were heroes, and that Jason said he had vitiligo, and ya wanna know what Dick said? He said ‘I guess the white streak is also a universal constant. Even if the reason isn’t magic in this one.’ ”

Jay blinked, “You’re pullin' my leg.”

“No, I’m not! He genuinely believes the white streak is from magic. I guess an autoimmune disease isn’t cool enough for him.”

“Yo, I think all the hair dye has been damaging my hair. They don’t curl the same way as the rest of my hair.” Jay tugged at one of his little loopies. “What about the whole secret identity thing?”

“Helmet. I lost it a couple realities ago, though. Also, yeah, ever since I stopped dyin' it, it’s been growin' back curlier.”

“College?”

“Next question.”

A bunch of different emotions flashed across Jay’s face, “What?”

“Next question.”

“No.” Jay crossed his arms, “You can’t be me if you didn’t want to go to college.”

“Who says I didn’t?” Jason leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, “Next question.”

Jay’s voice came out much smaller, “...Graduation?”

He leaned back again, “You get three more questions.”

“Your universe sucks, you know.”

Jason barked out a laugh, “Kid, this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg.”

Jay seemed to think carefully about what he was about to ask next, “Garzonas?”

“Did that animal die? Yes. Did I push him? No. Did Bruce know that until recently? Also no. I’m pretty sure.”

Jay’s eyes narrowed, “Did… Did your Bruce kick you out?”

Jason shook his head, “Just… I guess I was on probation or something, and when I proved to be ‘too reckless’, he fired me from being Robin. Then I ran away…” And then he died, “How’d it happen with you?”

“He also fired me from Robin for a bit. I… I really thought Bruce would kick me out. I mean, I wasn’t Robin at the time, and what use was I to Bruce if I wasn’t his partner? Then Dick came back from space, and asked why he hadn’t seen Robin in any of the news he’d been catching up on, and I told him. Then he rushed straight to the manor and I’m sure all of Gotham could hear Dick knock some sense into him. Turns out, Bruce didn’t even realize that I thought that being Robin was the only thing that tied me to the manor, and I didn’t really realize how much Bruce cares.” Jay looked Jason in the eyes and then groaned, “You did not just come to that realization, did you? No, that was a hypothetical question, not a real one. You are a sad little man.” He leaned back and looked at the ceiling, “Is that why your Bruce keeps looking at me funny? Cus you ran away at my age? Instead of just… talkin' with him? Well, I’m assumin' you talk now, because you’re on a multiversal adventure with him, but– Sufferin’ succotash, I’m still caught up on the college thing. Why not just get a GED and go? Bruce’ll probably still pay for you.”

Jason sighed and ran a hand over “That was more than five questions. Short answer is I trusted someone I shouldn’t have.”

“That’s ominous and dramatic. The only reason I can think of why you wouldn’t be able to go is if you just… no longer had an ID or something–" Jason went ramrod straight because how in tarnation do you guess that? Jay’s eyes widened, “Did you have to go into witness protection? Don’t they give you a new life if you do? Why not just ask the government if you can go to college– actually, forget I asked that. The government sucks, but–”

“I’m legally dead.”

“Heh?”

“Like, my heart stopped. For six months. I have a grave and everything.”

Jay blinked a couple times and then snorted, “Ok, Jesus.”

Jason let his entire face drop. Devoid of any emotions. He knows it’s macabre, because there were still parts of death that clung to him like gorilla glue.

Maybe the rest of his siblings have died before. Though it was different with them. They died for minutes. Jason was dead for months. And sure, so was Damian, but he was brought back on purpose. Jason was brought back by mistake.

Talia was the first person to see him disassociate, and she said she thought he was reverting back to his state of comatose. The first time Cass saw, it freaked her into a panic attack. She said his emotions, body, mind– they all read as dead . And everyone, save Damian, looked pale. Like they were looking at a ghost.

He snapped his attention back to Jay, whose face was ashen. “Your universe sucks.” he pulled one of his knees to his chest and rested his chin on it. He could tell Jay had a hand on the cross that rested on his sternum, “If you died… was there an afterlife?”

“I don’t remember.” That was a lie. There was a recurring dream that he had. One where he was swinging over a green field that seemed to span miles and miles and miles. It was one of those dreams he never wanted to wake up from. One of those dreams where he felt nothing but peace. He felt at peace.

A part of him wants to believe that dream was about him, flying over Heaven alongside the angels, but he knows he couldn’t have gone to heaven. He couldn’t have, because he came back as nothing but a vengeful spirit.

There was a bone deep exhaustion settling in Jay’s bones. He knew it was because he was overworked, and overtired. Homework, projects, studying for tests, rehearsals– he would’ve been fine with just those. In fact, he would’ve been thriving with just those.

Ever since his conversation with Bruce, he knew that if he took a break from being Robin, or even full on quit, he would still have a place with Bruce and Alfred. In fact, he has taken a couple breaks from Robin, and he thinks he finally knows what safety– no, peace means. It didn’t feel like the rug was going to be pulled out from under him. He finally felt like he was on solid ground.

Being Robin wasn’t exhausting him. Not when he knew he was allowed to take a break.

Being bombarded with rogues every night, that was the problem. Because that meant he couldn’t take a break. Jay knew Bruce could handle the drug dealers and the pimps, but the rogues were the worst of the worst. Yeah, they had their problems, but they weren’t afraid of hurting people in creative ways.

Robin’s supposed to have Batman’s back. He could deal with two hours of sleep, or the incessant throb in his knee. But if he took a break, and Batman got hurt because Robin wasn’t there to watch his six– he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t deal with losing another Dad to Two-Face.

He finished taping his knee, and pulled down the leg of his yellow snow pants.

Time to steal a penny or something

The next couple days passed very awkwardly, because it was quite a -ha- bomb that Jason dropped on Jay, one he immediately regretted after five minutes. Who dumps their trauma all over a 16 year old. ( He did it to Tim, but that was kinda different. They were having a sibling bonding moment.) Though, he doesn’t think he told Bruce. He feels like younger Bruce would have acted differently if he did know.

Currently, Jay was at rehearsal, and Jason was in the kitchen with Dick and Alfred making scones. Then the security alarm went off.

Bane.

They had a plan. Older Bruce would stay in the Batcave, while Younger Bruce would lure him down there. Once there, Bruce would take out Bane’s venom pack, giving Bane a major case of withdrawal. Jason and Dick would remain out of sight, but they were allowed to jump in if things went wrong.

They had a plan.

Still it didn’t stop Jason from wanting to pummel Bane’s face as soon as he knocked Alfred into the Grandfather Clock.

He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s alive.

Jason almost didn’t pay attention to the conversation Bruce and Bane were having.

“You’d kill just to rule this city? Just for–”

“I’d kill for anything. I’d kill to silence a grating voice. To darken the light in eyes that dared look at me.”

“Then while you revel in it, Bane, I’m sick of death, sick of the blood, the chaos, and horror you’ve brought to Gotham– and right into my home.”

The alarm to the gate went off, but it wasn’t the intruder alarm.

Bane tilted his head, “Two birds, one stone.”

Bane started walking towards the garage, however, Batman maneuvered in front of him, “You hurt my father, I will not let you hurt my son.”

And then Batman went ham. The only problem was, Batman was now trying to keep Bane away from the garage, rather than lure him to the Batcave.

Dick lightly tapped Jason’s shoulder, and signed, ‘ Alfred’s stache.’

Jason blinked, and made a finger gun with his hand, along with a baffled face.

Dick nodded, “Better than me, hit the pack. Not head. Faith.”

“This Bruce is gonna hate me so much.” Still, he crept towards the pantry, where Alfred hid a handgun in the big tubberware of dry black beans. Then he grabbed the cartridge of bullets that was sealed inside the bottom of an olive oil tin.

Everyone except for Bruce knew they were there. Along with the ones hidden in the stairs, and the one in the couch of the study. They were all handguns, and Jason knew Alfred preferred and used shotguns, so there were definitely more, but they would remain forever hidden.

He stuck to the shadows of the manor’s corners, creeping his way to the spiral staircase near the garage entrance.

A minute later the door opened, Jay carrying his backpack.

Jason tapped out, I-N-T-R-U-D-E-R G-O T-O C-A-R, in morse code against the railing. As if on cue, there was a clatter that sounded like a bunch of hangars being knocked over.

Jay looked in the general direction of when Jason was hidden, and nodded, quietly opening the door and slinking out.

Almost immediately, Batman got thrown into the wall perpendicular to the door, but Batman springboarded off of it and punched Bane in the gut. Except it barely phased him, “Bane, this fight is between you and me.”

Jason lined up the handgun with the venom pack, and turned the safety off.

One clean shot.

“This fight isn’t between you and me.” Bane grabbed Batman’s arm and slammed him into the floor, “This fight is between me, and anyone who gets in my way. If the butler had fought back anymore, I might’ve just had to kill him.”

Jason knew his aim started to drift. One bullet, straight through Bane’s temple. He kills Bane now, Bane will never kill Alfred in this universe. Alfred can stay immortal.

Straight through the temple.

Jason’s pointer finger curled around the trigger.

A wrench hit Bane in the nose, “That was supposed to be your welcome gift. Sorry it’s second hand. I wasn’t aware we were having guest.” Jay came back into view with a tire iron in hand, “Hi, Batman, sorry I couldn’t be more courteous. If I had known you were visiting, I would’ve come home sooner.”

“Robin, he knows.”

“ Pulchritudinous.” Jay swung the tire iron, in a way that was very reminiscent of the way Dick swung his christmas, slid under Bane and wacked him in the balls with the tire iron.

Bane didn’t even flinch. Instead, he grabbed the tire iron, and bent it in half, “That’s what I’m gonna do to your dad. First, though, I’m gonna make sure you have a good seat.” He swatted Jay away with the bent iron, then fixed Jay so that he was properly sitting up.

Jason glanced from Bane, to Batman, to Jay, who was clutching his stomach, eyes wide in horror as Bane moved back towards Batman.

Jason shifted his aim once more, letting out a breath as his finger tightened around the trigger. As his arm took the recoil of the firearm. As the venom pack burst into an explosion of green goop.

Because he couldn’t kill him. Not in front of Jay, who might eventually learn that the only Jason who has survived came back merciless and inhumane.

Immediately, Dick came flying in with a kick to Bane’s face, pummeling him with attacks as the lack of venom caused Bane to go into immediate withdrawal, only stopping when Bane was knocked out.

Jason slipped out of the shadows of the staircase, flicked the safety back on, and started to disassemble the gun, just as Old Man Bruce walked in supporting Alfred,

Jason handed the disassembled pieces of the gun to Alfred, “I shot the hell outta that guy, huh.”

Dick huffed a laugh, and Jay looked a little confused from where he was propped up by, “Isn’t that from a video game? The one with the Zombies? Tim and Ives play it sometimes.”

“It’s a meme in our universe.” Dick held out a hand for younger Bruce, “Still comes from the video game though.”

Younger Bruce accepted the hand, and started pulling himself from the floor, “Jason, are you hurt?”

Jay shook his head, “I’m good.'' Then he tried to get up, and winced, “Maybe a coupla bruised ribs. Nothin’ too bad.”

Older Bruce shifted Alfred’s weight towards Jason, and went to carefully help Jay up, “Bruised or broken?”

Jay opened his mouth like he was about to let out a snarky reply, but paused when he looked at Bruce’s face. Then he took a slow breath–it wasn’t deep, but it was slow, “My lungs feel fine. If that’s what you’re asking. So if they are broken, it’s probably just a fracture.” Jay placed his hand on top of Bruce’s. So Bruce could subtly feel for a pulse, “I’ll be ok.”

Younger Bruce peeled off his cowl and limped over to Jay, planting a kiss on his head. “Ok.” Then he turned to Jason, “Since when have you known to shoot?”

Jason shared a look with Alfred, and then looked to Jay, “Did this ignoramus send you to Ma Gunn’s School for Crime, too?”

Jay snickered and then winced, “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts. World’s greatest detective here.”

“What’s next, you know how to make poisons and assemble bombs?”

Jason gave him a bemused smirk, “Yes. I do.”

Bruce looked like he was about to say something when Jay’s phone began to ring. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and grinned at Dick, “I think your big brother instincts are goin’ off.”

Dick frowned, but then his eyes widened, and he buried his face in his hands, “That’s not why…”

Jay picked up, and there was the Facetime sound, “You better start shopping for a Tux, because Kori and I are going to be needing a ring bearer.”

Jason felt his jaw drop to the floor as he whipped his head towards his brother Dick, whose face was still buried, but his ears were red in embarrassment.

How did Jason never know that Dick and Kori were engaged? And he was friends with Kori. And Roy. Hell, Tim could’ve told him. Or Bruce. They’re all apostates.

Alfred seemed to be the first one to recover, “Congratulations, my boy!”

“Thanks, Alfie!”

“You asked Kori to marry you?” Jay seemed just as surprised as Jason was, “I owe Donna so much money.”

“That you do!” Donna shouted from the background.

Younger Dick laughed, “You know what, I’m too happy to be annoyed you two bet on my love life”

Jay was grinning from ear to ear, “Tis the best form of entertainment.” If it was possible, Jay’s smile turned even bigger, “Before you know it, I’ll be an uncle.”

Younger Bruce grunted. Which Jason translated to ‘ I'm not ready to be a grandfather yet,’ but then he tacked on, “I’m proud of you, Chum.”

“Thanks Bru– Holy shit, what happened to you?”

“February.” Bruce didn’t care to elaborate.

“Right, there was a massive Arkham break. Are you guys good over there?”

“That was our last Rogue. And this Robin is making like its namesake and taking a vacation ‘till spring.” He paused, “I should probably tell Spoiler.”

After Bane, things were pretty quiet. And with said quiet, and the fact that they still haven’t been thrown into a new reality for an entire week (new record! yey!) they were finally able to start on a prototype for the beacon.

Though it was mainly Bruce, because he’s a control freak. Other Bruce was Batman-ing even though he had a shattered arm and sprained ankle from Bane. Alfred was resting, and the only reason for that was because Dick and Jason promised to help Other Bruce if he needed it.

And Jay put Robin to the side just like he said he would, focusing on school and the SATs and the musical. Like a normal teenager, doing normal teenage things.

Also, apparently Tim and Ives were in Crew for the musical, and that's how Jay knew them. Small world. Or Tim’s stalker tendencies were a lot higher than Jason assumed.

Dick and Jason just finished a round of sparring when Jay came down, backpack in hand. He sat down at the table across from Bruce and pulled out a spiral notebook, a note packet, along with a textbook, and a red, a blue, and a black colored pen, plus a highlighter.

“No way. You were that kid?”

Jay looked up and frowned at Dick, “What D'ya mean?”

“The type who always had perfectly aesthetic notes in class.”

“No.” Jay shook his head “My class notes are usually written in pencil and looked like chicken scratch.” He held up what was written in his notebook, “I’m studying for a physiology test I have friday. Black’s the normal stuff that I remember, Red’s the stuff I don’t, or super important things, and I use the blue and the highlighter to put little annotations of my notes in the margins.”

Old Man Bruce looked up, “Jason uses that method to write up mission reports. You know that, Dick.”

“I guess I didn’t expect it to come from a studying method.”

Jay just shrugged and went to flip through the textbook, and his notepacket. Jason didn’t miss the fond look Bruce had on his face.

Dick and Jason started up another round.

For a bit the only sounds in the cave were Jason and Dick’s feet scuffing across the floor, and the slight clicks of Bruce tinkering.

And then, “Your Bruce mentioned something about college tours.”

Jason faltered in his step, and Dick landed a kick to his gut. Jason grabbed the leg and pulled, but Dick twisted out of his grip and landed on his feet. They started circling each other again.

Jay glanced up from his notes and grinned, “Yeah, over break, we’re gonna visit Rutgers, Montclair, and Princeton, and then over April break, I’m going up to New York to visit the Titans and Dick, Donna and I are gonna check out NYU, and Columbia. Over summer break we were planning on visiting the UCs, Midwestern and more Ivys, but I have my eyes on Columbia, and I will get in.”

Jason attempted to sweep Dick’s feet, but he jumped and called out, “Nerd!”

Jay turned towards them and stuck out his tongue, “Bold words for a dropout.”

Dick kicked the back of Jason’s knee, causing them to buckle, but he dropped into a roll.

Bruce hummed, “I thought you said you wanted to go to Princeton or NYU?”

Jay set his pen down and gave Bruce his full undivided attention, “Well, I do, and I’d still ecstatic if I got into them, but I’ve been thinking more about what I want to be when I grow up, not just what I want to do . And I don’t see myself being someone who wears a cape and fights crime forever , ya know? I think I’m starting to… outgrow the whole ‘fighting crime’ thing, but I still want to help people. And Columbia has a good Lit and Bio program, so I think it’ll be a good place for me.”

Jason completely stopped and turned towards Jay, “You wanna be a doct–AACk!” Jason turned to glare at Dick who just kicked him in the jaw.

“Yup! Just like Leslie and Grandpa Thomas. I’m thinking of being an ER specialist, or family medicine, but time might change that.”

Bruce’s eyes started to shine, and what could only be a look of pride engulfed his face.

This… this was a very cruel type of torture. Obviously he was proud of Jay too. The kid was living . He was older than any other Jason they had met. Bruce’s pride over the life Jason could’ve had, should be engulfing him like a hug. Instead it was wrapping around him like a boa constrictor.

He took a deep breath, “I’m gonna go take a shower and make some tea. Any of you want some?”

Dick lobbed a towel at him, “Would you hit me if I asked for hot cocoa?”

Jason snapped the towel at him, “I’ll smack you either way.”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Jay picked up his pen again.

Jason ruffled his hair, not waiting for Bruce to say what he wanted, and headed upstairs.

Jay waited to hear the door to the bathroom close. He knew Dick was farther off somewhere, but he would be out of earshot, “Why haven’t you legally revived him yet?”

Bruce immediately snapped his gaze back to Jay, “How do you know about that?”

“You’re not the only detective, remember?” He wasn’t going to tell Bruce about his conversation he had with Jason the other day. That would be rude. “I’m just saying, if you did, he’d probably choose a similar path as I have. Eventually.” It did take Jay a while to realize Robin wasn’t something he wanted forever. It’s been something on the fence about him since his Bruce made him take a break in April. If the vigilante life really was worth it, or if it hurt him too much just to help other people.

Bruce hummed, “He’s never asked. I don’t want to over step.”

He looked to the ceiling of the batcave, “Your emotional incompetence hinders your ability to see what is in plain sight.” Jay leveled Bruce with a look, “Sure, I’ll tell it to you straight, but when have you ever known me to ask you for anything?”

Bruce tilted his head in a way that said there was that one time…

Whatever that means, “I mean, I could be wrong. That Jason has a half a decade of experience and trauma on me. He could be a completely different person because of it. But there’s certain things that have to have stayed somewhat the same, and I feel like Jason's… kinda like me from about a year ago. He’s expecting the rug to be pulled out from underneath him. He doesn’t know where he stands with you, because you won’t tell him explicitly. I’m not like Dick. If– aw snickerdoodles, I’m about to tell you all my secrets. If I seem angry about something, I’m probably scared.” He’s honestly surprised Mr. World’s Greatest Detective hasn’t figured that out yet.

He could see the pieces fall into place in Bruce’s mind.

“I know this is going to be a completely foreign idea to you, but what if… you talked to him. With words. Not immediately, because he’ll figure out I had to hold your hand to get you to cross that street, but eventually. When the time is right.”

“How will I know when that is? Or if I’ll say the right things?”

Jay raised his eyebrow, “You’re talking about a cure to your emotional constipation? Turn off the logical side of your brain and just talk. Mean what you say and all that good stuff.”

Being dead is stupid .

Sure, Jason has numerous fake IDs for various things, and he could get a GED using one of them, and then go to whatever college he wanted to. But he didn’t want to go to college as ‘Peter Thomas’ or ‘Jason Willis’ or ‘Todd Jackson’. He wanted an education.

Jason Peter Todd-Wayne.

That’s the name we wanted on the diploma. Except Jason Peter Todd-Wayne no longer existed. So he couldn’t get a highschool diploma, or enroll in college, or go to med-school, or become a doctor.

And he’s beyond happy for Jay. He really really is, but envy and jealousy are fickle things that have seemed to consume Jason post-mortum.

He’s jealous of Dick who will always know Bruce like the back of his hand. Who doesn’t even have to look at Bruce to know when something’s wrong. He’s jealous of Tim who seemed to have snuck his way into Bruce’s life. Who will always somehow pick him up, while Jason seems to knock him down whenever they’re in the same room. He’s jealous of Cass. Because she will always be perfect in Bruce’s eyes, and Jason is the polar opposite from her. Meaning, to Bruce, Jason can only be the blood staining the walls of his house made out of gold.

He’s envious of Jay who still has it all. He still has his life. He still has the magic of Robin that

never seemed to leave any of his siblings. The magic that decided to abandon Jason.

It doesn’t make any sense.

It’s not fair.

He’s not the only one who has died, so why is he the only one who lost everything and can’t get it all back.

He can’t get his old life back.

He’ll never be able to be that kid who was happy to finally have a home. The one who was overjoyed to be able to learn again, and barely let himself think about the future because if he thought about it for too long, the insecure part of his brain would tell him ‘this isn’t forever.’

But it could’ve been.

If he didn’t die.

He would’ve always had a home in the manor instead of being treated like an intruder every time he visited if he didn’t die. He could’ve had a family that welcomed him with open arms instead of a guard that’s always up

He should’ve never gone to– The Joker should’ve never– He should’ve never been– He should’ve never met–

He’s not supposed to be there anymore. He doesn’t fit anywhere anymore. He can blame everyone, he can blame himself, but at the end of the day it doesn’t change anything .

He would never be able to make Bruce proud because the Jason Peter Todd-Wayne who could’ve done that was dead. Or forever stuck in a warehouse watching an unphased face smoke a cigarette while his brain was being bashed in with a crowbar.

‘Could’ve beens’ suck.

He poured some milk in a pot on the stove, and some hot water in a kettle, then moved onto chopping chocolate. Then he grabbed Dick’s Superman mug, Jay’s Wonder Woman mug, and two china cups.

He debated only taking one cup and not making some for Bruce, but then realized that would be petty and Bruce wasn’t being intentionally cruel by being proud of a different version of him talking about college and dreams.

If anything, it was kinda sad.

Just like it was sad that Jason still knew that Dick liked his hot chocolate with extra sugar and a dash of nutmeg, because he said that’s how Haley’s Circus made it during their winter season.

Just like it was sad that he knew Bruce preferred white tea after eight pm, with one teaspoon of honey and a splash of lemon, but he couldn’t remember why.

He couldn’t remember why.

He made hibiscus blueberry tea for himself and Jay, placed all four cups on a tray, and brought them down to the cave.

Dick was currently sitting at the Batcomputer, which had names of people known to have traveled different realities. Wally, and Dr. Fate.

Jason set the tray down on the table Bruce and Jay were at, and grabbed his and Dick’s cups bringing them over to the Computer, “Doesn’t Tim have a speedy friend? The Imp?”

Impulse. He died right before Jason’s last multiversal adventure. Another kid gone because they were given the responsibility of saving the world before they were even allowed to vote.

He was pretty sure the kid was back now, but still. It seemed like the number of sidekicks multiplied after Jason died, not went down to zero.

Jay was halfway through a sip when he made a face, “Tim has a speedy friend?”

“Well, not yet. Because he’s still in the future.” Dick swiveled around in the batcomputer chair and took his mug of Hot Cocoa from Jason, “Also, Tim’s the Robin after this guy.” Dick patted Jason’s shoulder.

Jay frowned, looking from Bruce to Jason, “But…what?”

Jason slightly shook his head.

Jay lifted his eyebrows once and crossed his arms, “After all that time I spent convincing him not to follow us around with a camera at night, all he does is lose the camera.” he grumbled, “When did Tim become Robin?”

And here’s the thing about Jason. He’s not as brash as most people make him out to be. He survived on the streets for a while. Most people don’t know immediately when he’s angry, because if they did, he would've gotten himself killed on the streets. Most of the time he’s been outwardly angry, he’d really been… scared.

Point being, Jason knew himself. And he knew the curiosity Jay was putting on had an undercurrent of incredulity. And he really wasn’t in the mood to go through the whole ‘ Why was there another Robin after the last one died?’ thing.

Jason slid into the chair beside Bruce, so he was across from Jay, “Halloween. Oh! Would ya look at that? Flashcards.” he reached over to grab them and started shuffling, “If you get anything below a 95 because you were too busy yapping with us, I will be very disappointed in you.”

Jay rolled his eyes, “You tryna live vicariously through me?”

Jason didn't dignify a response. Instead he skimmed through the flashcards to figure what Jay was studyi–

Oh.

Cancers.

Well, too late to back out now. “Alright, how do you wanna do this? I give you the name and you tell me the symptoms, and the group it falls under?” He flipped the deck around so that Jay could only see the

“I was about to say how creepy it is how you know exactly how I think, but then I realized you’re me.” Jay took a sip of his tea and motioned for Jason to ask away.

They got through a bunch. Almost half of the 120 flashcards Jay had created. Because of the 120 different types of cancer. And they both knew the card was coming. Still it didn’t stop them from freezing when Jason pulled out the card that had Osteosarcoma written out in all caps.

It was the type of cancer Mami had.

Of course, Jason didn’t actually know that until he had come to live in the manor. When she had first gotten it, he was still too young to fully understand what was going on. Why when Mami went to go pick him up, he heard a slight snap and she immediately set him down. Or why she was constantly placing heating pads on her upper arms. But by the time he was six, he knew she was hurt. Because he remembers having to stay with their neighbors some nights, because the next time he saw Mami, she was in a hospital bed. By the time he was seven, he knew she was sick. Because sometimes after their trips to the library, they would go to Gotham General and he would curl up into Mami’s side while she read to him. As she slowly lost her hair and her figure grew frail.

But she couldn’t get Chemo for long, because Papi went missing, and he was the one paying off their medical debt. And she had to make due with the cheapest medicine available. Painkillers.

From Ibuprofen, to Naproxen, to Gotham-made Hydrocodone, and Morphine, and eventually Heroin. In the end, who knows if it was the tumor that metastasized or if the painkillers were laced with fentanyl.

Well, it was the fentanyl that killed Mami, Bruce showed him the reports after he freaked out on Two-Face, but it could’ve just as easily been the Cancer that had gone untreated.

He didn’t know that growing up, but there were so many similar stories, he figured out during his time as the Red Hood. People who were in debt, who needed proper medical attention, but could afford it. So they turned to painkillers to save them from the pain. It was Gotham though, so of course the harder stuff was going to be laced.

Jay frowned, and shifted in his seat, so he was hugging his leg, head resting on his knee, “It’s a sarcoma, so bones, but not a myeloma which comes from the bone marrow. Usually it occurs at the ends of your bones, because those are the growing parts. The metaphyses. The most common places of development are the femur, the tibia and the…humerus.” Jay suddenly found the string to the teabag very interesting, “It can also occur in the pelvis, skull and jaw, most of the cases are of people under the age of 25, but the average age is 15. For causes… Genetics, uh, lack of blood to bone tissue– bone infarctio n. Rapid growth, like…puberty, and exposure to radiation, because radiation’s fun for everyone.” He flicked the W on the mug three times, “And symptoms are like most bone cancers: pain, swelling, pain with movement, unexplained fevers, and bones that break with simple movements.”

“Nailed it.” Jason leaned over and flicked Jay’s curls with the flashcard, “But you still have…” Jason flipped through the cards, “32 more.”

A slow smile creeped on Jay’s face, “Easy peasy.”

The next couple weeks passed by. Jay made true to his word of staying in bed all of February break, except for rehearsal and the college tours he and younger Bruce planned. So, mainly, he stayed in bed over the weekend.

The day they were supposed to leave to visit Princeton also happened to be the day it snowed 16 inches. And Jason didn’t like the snow. He hated it , but over the years it’s become more bearable, and sure, Alfred had recovered from Bane’s attack, but he decided to shovel the snow for him.

It was also four in the morning, and he had woken up from a nightmare, but that's besides the point. He was just doing something nice for Alfred. That’s all.

It wasn’t even a nightmare about his death or any of the actually traumatic things that had happened to him, like dying, or crawling out of his grave, or the things he saw on the street.

It wasn’t even the new nightmares he’d been having of himself dying in different ways, but from a first person point of view.

No. The dream actually started off nice. Him and Mami were reading together, and Papi was there playing Billy Joel. Then two shots rang out, and Jason expected himself to be dead. But he wasn’t. Papi was on the floor bleeding, and he tried to stop it, but he wouldn’t stop bleeding. Then Mami pulled him into her arms, and he held onto her as tight as he could. But she was slowly getting thinner and thinner, until all he was hugging was a corpse. A skeleton.

Then he was running, and he was running through their apartment building trying to find someone, anyone, but each apartment was just a different dead Jason.

Until he got to an empty apartment, but when he got in, the entire room had mirrors on all sides, and he was withering. Just like Mami had. Getting thinner and thinner, hair and skin peeling off, slowly revealing a skeleton with the most messed up bones.

He focused on the repetitive motion of scooping up the snow and throwing it to the side. Ignoring the numbness spreading in his knees and hip, and ignoring the way his fingers started to lock up from the cold.

It didn’t take long for Bruce to join him. Older Bruce, by his gait.

They shoveled in sync, one after the other, falling into a rhythm. He absolutely refused to let his mind wander to the dream he had, so he fully switched gears.

He could totally see Jay becoming a doctor. Honestly, Jason would’ve done that just to spite Dick and Bruce for dropping out of college. Obviously, he can’t, though. Because Jason Todd doesn’t exist but–

“Jason.” He ruined their rhythm and looked at Bruce. He’s been looking at him in that way he had been recently. Like he was looking at the barrier they had placed between each other, wishing to tear it down, “If you still wanted to go to college, you still could.”

Jason froze, because when did Bruce become a mind reader? Jay and Younger Bruce were going to visit Princeton, so they were just thinking of the same things. That’s all.

“Well, you would need a GED, though I could help you with that if you would like.”

Jason didn’t dare look at Bruce’s face. “You don’t get it.” There was a knot forming in Jason’s stomach. Or, maybe it had been there all this time, and Bruce dangling the idea of something he’s wanted for so long, but could never have, made him feel like a fish who was about to eat bait and end up as someone else’s dinner.

“I suppose I don’t.” Bruce stopped shoveling and stretched out his back, “Otherwise I would have asked you this sooner. I was… afraid, in asking, I would drive you away, and hoped you would come to me in your own time. And I have realized that the card was never really visible on the table for you.”

“No, Bruce, that’s not–” Jason stopped shoveling, “I don’t want to go to college as ‘John Doe’, or whatever alias.”

“And I want you to go as Jason Peter Todd-W–” Bruce cut himself off, “I want you to go as Jason Peter Todd.”

Jason gave him a deadpan stare, “Dead kids don’t go to college.”

“And if said child was legally revived?”

He blinked, “What?”

“I’ve had the paperwork ready ever since you came back. I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t really sure where we stood, though you’ll always be my son. Your death did not change that, and I am sorry I haven’t made that clear.”

“I’m– you’ve had the– what?”

“You don’t have to make the choice right now. We still have a lot of time before we return home, and even then, you can wait as long as you would like, but, um, I just wanted you to be aware you had more options, and no matter what you choose, I’ll be proud of you, because at the end of the day, I will still have you. That’s what’s most important.”

He felt something loosen up in his chest. All the hopes and lost dreams he had collected in the manor and crumpled up after his death were suddenly being reopened. “No strings no nothin’?”

“If I had things my way, I would ask you to never leave my sight, but I’ve realized I am incapable of controlling any of you, so no.”

“Are– are you real?” Jason poked Bruce’s shoulder to find he was really there. Jason was never one to hallucinate though, “Are you… an imposter? Because wouldn’t me coming back to life be suspicious? It would jeopardize our secret identities and–”

“Jason. Since when have you known me not to be prepared?”

“Literally a couple weeks ago when we were actively being pinballed around the Multiverse.”

Bruce looked like he didn’t want to talk about that, “Well, I have been planning this for five years, and have 10 different contingencies and cover stories we could use. I can show you once we get home. Again you don’t have to decide right away.”

“Yes.”

It was Bruce’s turn to reboot, “Yes?”

“For crying out loud, yes.” He felt like jumping up and down and pulling Bruce into a hug, but he didn’t because they’d probably slip on the driveway. “I feel like Pinocchio, yes.”

Jay really didn’t feel like getting out of bed that morning. He was barely able to fall asleep the night before. The throbbing in his knee had made it impossible to ignore the pain, but he couldn’t get his knee comfortable without making his ribs flare up, even though they were wrapped. Maybe he should’ve marked all those flips during rehearsal instead of doing them at 30%.

Though, the other reason he didn’t want to get out of bed was because it was cold. Because of the manor’s size, it did a poor job at retaining heat during the winter, and he was all toasty under all of his blankets. Once he got out from under his blankets, he would be reminded of the cold, and snow, and his first winter on the streets, and–

Yeah, no, he’s getting out of bed.

But all he could get himself to do was stare at the ceiling. He wasn’t even focusing on anything– just head empty.

No. It was not going to be one of those days where he just went through the motions. He wanted to remember today. He was touring Princeton for christ sake.

Bruce said he could drive. He can’t drive if he’s dissociating.

It’s not currently snowing in Princeton. He checked the weather the night before.

If he doesn’t start moving, the weight of everything before this moment will come crashing down on him and he won’t be able to do anything.

It happened during the end of June when he was done with all of his finals and he didn’t have anything to distract him, so he just… powered down. He was stuck in his bed and either his mind was on a loop of some horrible thing that had happened in his life or his mind wasn’t there. Then Bruce offered him back Robin, along with the rule that if you need a break, you take a break and that’s not just for if you’re sick or injured.

But every time that Jay takes a break from Robin and he has nothing to distract him, something inside him shuts off. It happened towards the end of august, but it didn’t happen when he took a break to study for midterms. Then he extended that break into the December Holidays, and boom– everything turned off.

Until Dick physically dragged him out of bed and then to New York where he spent time doing holiday activities with the Titans. Then he got to talking with Raven, and she said it was just his body and mind finally feeling safe enough to turn off his fight or flight mode.

But Jay already gave himself the weekend to bedrot. He has stuff to do today. Places to be. He knows once he gets moving, he won’t stop, so he just has to get moving.

The giddiness of being– ha of being alive again, somewhat faded once they came inside and Jason’s fingers were next to useless, and his joints were throbbing. And with useless fingers, he couldn’t flip the pages of a book, so he was stuck with watching TV with Dick and Bruce as Jay and younger Bruce were out.

“I suggest we watch Mission Impossible.”

Dick and Jason both groaned, “Action movies aren’t interesting when you know you can do all the stunts.”

“They’re also predictable, and even though they up the stakes with each movie, you know Tom Cruise is going to succeed. Also, most of the time, the plot is just big explosions, gotta climb up this giant building with a side of a pretty lady.”

Dick continued to scroll through the options on the TV, “Ugh, I’ve already watched all of these. I hate being in an alternate reality that’s a couple years behind ou–”

“Wait! Hold up, go back. No, the other way. Anne with an E?”

Dick whipped his head towards Jason, “You’ve never– shit, I forgot you were dead.” He clicked on the movie and grinned, “It’s an Anne of Green Gables adaptation.”

“Is it a good adaptation?”

“It was a good series.”

Jason ran a hand across his face, “They better not have ruined her.”

Dick played the first episode. They were about halfway through by the time Jay and younger Bruce came home.

“Oh! Are you guys watching Anne with an E? I love that show.”

Jason frowned and looked back at Jay, “But it’s nothing like the–”

“It’s a great show. Not based on any children’s book at all . Nope.” Jay sat in the armchair and pulled his knee to his chest, “Because if it was, it would ruin the books because it’s a lot darker than the source material. This show is great, because it’s not in any way related to Anne of Green Gables.”

Jason raised his eyebrows, and then thought back on all the episodes he’d been hating on because they took too many liberties. If he didn’t think about them as being an adaptation, he probably would really like the series.

But then he’d start thinking the same way about other adaptations. Then again, this was pretty good, just different.

It was really good.

Jason’s eyes weren’t watering up when Mathew and Merilla officially adopted Anne. No way. It was definitely not because it hit close to home. No way.

He glanced over at Jay to see if he was having the same reaction– only to find him asleep. Honestly, Jason’s surprised he felt safe enough to sleep around them.

The college tour must’ve taken a lot out of him.

Time went on, Bruce, Dick and Jason continued to work on the beacon, while Jay kept himself busy with the musical and school. Something about ‘Hell week’ and SATs. It was a big difference from the way Jason remembered splitting up his time during most of his years in the manor. Jay was more Jason Todd-Wayne than Robin.

Soon Jason would be more Jason Todd-Wayne than just Red Hood.

He heard the rhythm of Dick coming down the stairs, except, Dick was currently at the bat computer typing up a code for the beacon… so–

“Who the fuck are you guys and what are you doing here?” Younger Dick got into a fighting stance.

Hold up, “Is that.. A mullet ?” Jason whipped his head back towards the computer, “Dick, did you have a mullet?”

Older Dick turned around in the chair and offered younger Dick an apologetic shrug, “I’m assuming your Bruce didn’t tell you. A robin is the first sign of spring. ”

Bruce looked up from the workbench, “It’s one bad night for some ART , chum.”

Younger Dick seemingly relaxed, but he definitely still had his guard up, and glanced at Jason, “Why are you taller than me?”

Jason shrugged, “Green Gatorade.” Jason looked back towards older Dick, whose ears were red, so he definitely had that haircut, “You had a mullet in 2017 and you tried to tell me that I would fit in just fine when we were in the 80s.”

“No comment.”

Younger Dick looked from Jason to Dick, “What, were you not around?”

“ I was actually not around.” Younger Dick’s face contorted in the way it does when he’s upset with Bruce– Oh right, Jay told Dick about Bruce firing him from Robin and about being scared of being kicked out, “Because I was in a coma.”

Younger Dick paused, “What? For how long?”

“Um… that’s a great question.” Jason did a little bit of math, if he woke up on Halloween, and then Talia picked him up around May… “At max six months.”

That made Dick’s frown deepen as he slowly turned to Bruce, but older Dick cut in, “We don’t know exactly because Talia kidnapped him–”

“Oh my god, Richard, she did not kidnap me, I woke up, catatonic, and ran away from the hospital, and–”

“She found you and brought you to the league, technically against your will.”

“I was taking down league assassins on pure muscle memory, yet I didn’t attack her. That’s as close to self accord as it gets. Also, we’ve been to seven universes where she’s our mom.”

“You said we’ve been traveling to these universes because of the Law of Attraction. You probably thought of us being in a universe where Talia and Bruce were married.”

“I would not! Talia deserves so much better than Bruce.” Jason then turned to Bruce, “And I mean that full offense, Old Man. You have some major issues you need to sort through.”

Bruce looked up from the soldering bench, “What did I do?”

“You know what you did. Also, we’ve been too sappy recently. Where was all of this, say… five years ago? Huh?”

Younger Dick snorted, “You finally shedded the ‘ goody two shoes’ act.”

That fully caused Jason to reboot, “Excuse me, goody two shoes ? You're –”

Dick’s phone chimed, and he pulled out his phone, “Speak of the angel. A snap. From Jason.” He glanced at older Dick, “Bets on what it’ll be?”

Dick gave a fond smile and shook his head, “I would say whatever book he’s reading, but he’s in rehearsal right now, so…”

“I bet he’s going to be studying, while they’re in the middle of a break.” Dick opened the snap and grinned, shoving the phone in Jason’s face, showing Jay, sitting on a set piece behind stage, knee to his chest, writing in an SAT textbook that was balanced on top of a stand along with a little line of text that said, “ Tim here, Jason told me to tell u that u guys have guests, so don’t, hehe, flip out”

“Give me that.” Jason grabbed Dick’s phone out of his hands, started walking out of reach as he typed out, “that was a horrible pun. And you call yourself a fan”

“Wdym?”

He started running because Dick was using his flippy moves to catch up, “I know you know.”

Dick ripped the phone out of Jason’s hands, “What in the world?”

Older Dick peeked over Dick’s shoulder, and then shot Jason a deadpan expression, “Seriously?”

“Terrorizing Tim is my favorite hobby.” Jason shrugged “You said he’s known about our identities since he was nine.”

Younger Dick started typing away, “But now he’s gonna think I’m terrorizing him.”

“That’s the best part.”

“Why would I terrorize a 13 year old?”

“When I was 13 you literally told me that–”

“ I didn’t tell you anything.”

“ Ne nenene ne –”

Bruce let out a sharp whistle, “Quiet!”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” Jason and younger Dick looked at each other, “Stop that.” Dick covered Jason’s mouth, “Shut up, I’m older.”

Jason chomped down, and Dick immediately let go, “Are you?”

There was a moment when horror dawned on Dick’s face, but Bruce rolled his eyes, “You guys are the same age.”

“Yup, Jason turned 23, like, a month ago.”

Jason glared at older Dick, “You, absolute conniving, backstabbing two-timing whistle-blower. You’re supposed to be my brother and you deceive me like this? This is the single worst act of betrayal in my entire life.”

“Holy dramatic younger brother, Batman.”

Maybe it was a dumb idea to take the SATs the same week of the musical, but when Jay registered in December, he really didn’t think it would be much of a problem. It just made the most sense. In May, he had APs, in June he had finals, and yeah, he could always take them in August, but he still wanted to make sure he had enough time to retake the test in case he got a bad score. He also didn’t want to have to take the October SAT because it felt too close to the Early Decisions deadline.

So there he was at 8:00 a.m. on a Saturday at a school that was in the town over, because Gotham City High doesn’t offer the SATs at their school because of the possibility of a rogue attack.

He felt his heart pound in his chest. His hands were sweaty, but his fingers were ice. He literally felt like this last night, and the night before. What even is this? He jumps off of buildings every night, and beats up pimps on a regular basis. Why does a silly little test have him square breathing?

Maybe all the adrenaline he’s had coursing through his body will finally catch up to him and he’ll have a heart attack and die.

Jay adjusted the compression sleeve on his knee, while going through the five four three two one method Alfred taught him for grounding.

He couldn’t give up just because he had an anxiety attack. Not when Jason looked so much like Papi when he said he'd be disappointed if he got anything below a 95. Obviously he knows Papi would be happy that Jay has an opportunity to get a good education. And he couldn’t waste that opportunity. He wasn’t going to.

He turned his attention to the proctor, and waited for the test to begin.

The beacon was up and running by Sunday and as a treat, they decided to catch the closing night Gotham City High’s production of Grease. Alternate reality Bruce, alternate reality Dick, and Alfred had been going to every single showing, and it was only right that they watched Jay perform, seeing all the hard work he put into it.

It wasn’t the worst thing ever. It just… wasn’t the best. The kid who played Danny Zuko wasn’t a really good singer and slightly behind the beat while singing. Jason could see the girl who played Sandy (who played the part beautifully) eye twitching whenever they had to sing together. And maybe Jason was biased, but Jay, who played Doody, and the girl who played Frenchy definitely stole the show. He could tell from the crowd’s reaction. The girl who played Frenchy was a really strong dancer and singer, and Jay did at least one flip or crazy high jump in every high energy dance number he was in.

Jason can imagine how that happened. The choreographer asks, ‘Say, isn’t your older brother Dick the flying Grayson? Did he ever teach you how to do a flip?’

Though, the way Jay flipped across stage gave no indication to the fact that he was Robin. They were heavier, with less bounce, and Jay acted like it took a lot out of him.

Younger Dick was the loudest person in the audience whenever Jay did a flip. It totally went against theater etiquette, but every time Jay’s grin grew wider.

All in all, it wasn’t the worst musical. Jason vaguely remembers the musical from the year before being a complete dumpster pile.

The six of them waited in the lobby for Jay, and watched as the cast slowly emerged to greet family and friends. Jay was one of the last people to show, but he was talking with a mini Tim and a kid who Jason assumed to be Ives. Though the Ives kid seemed to break off with a wave and head to his parents.

Jay was on a path towards them, but he kept getting stopped and congratulated. And even though Jay was staying polite, it was obvious he was out of his comfort zone.

“Oi! Mr. Superstar! Broadway called, they want their Blockbuster back!”

Some of the tension seemed to drain out of Jay as he carefully made his way to them, avoiding anyone else that seemed to come his way by being entirely engrossed in a conversation with Tim, “...to say the words ‘thank you’ so many times in the past three days, I’m starting to feel like a broken record.”

“The main thing they’re complimenting you on, are your flips. Those were like, fours. At best.”

Jay frowned, “I’d like to see you do six flips, while singing and dancing. An entire week in a row.”

“I feel like I could.” Tim had a slight smile that seemed to say ‘I know the exact thing you’re trying not to tell me.’ which he does. Which is probably why Tim looked a little confused when he saw Jason, Older Dick and Older Bruce. Obviously they were in disguises, aka, Bruce and Dick grew out their facial hair, and Jason was pulling off the Clark Kent special, so really they were doing the bare minimum, but also, less is more.

Tim stuck his hand out, “I’m Tim.”

Jason grinned, this was going to be so much fun, “And I’m Jason from an Alternate Universe.”

Jay facepalmed, “No he’s not. He’s joking. He’s my cousin.” Jay barely paused, searching for a name, “Peter. He can be a nuisance sometimes.”

Tim frowned, because he definitely knew Peter was Jason’s middle name, but went along with it, “You look like a Peter.”

Dick looked like he was having trouble holding back a laugh, “I’m Mark, I used to babysit Jay.”

Tim shook his hand, and turned to Bruce.

“I’m Noah. Willis was a friend of mine.”

Jason then butted in, “Aren’t you the kid who took the photos for the musical’s Instagram? They were really good.”

Tim grinned, “Thank you. It’s been a hobby of mine for a while now.”

Jason nodded, “I bet it has. You seem like someone who takes pictures of birds.”

He frowned, though it was in a what do you know sort of way, “There haven’t been any birds out in a while.”

Jason raised an eyebrow, “Whaddaya mean? I’ve definitely seen a couple today.” He glanced at Jay, who wasn’t even paying attention to their conversation. He was balanced on one leg stretching out his hamstring while zoned out on the wall behind Jason.

Tim, being the little gremlin he was, shoved Jay over. Of course, younger Bruce immediately caught him by the elbow.

Jay steadied himself and leveled a look at Tim, "Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning." Jay sighed, he pulled his keys out of his pocket, “I can’t wait for the three blankets and five pillows calling my name. Do you need a ride home, Tim? ”

“Actually, you probably have a plastic trophy with the title ‘ walking dictionary’ waiting for you.” Jay blinked, so Tim elaborated, “We have the cast party in like… thirty minutes. Remember?”

“Oh. Right, forgot about that.”

Younger Bruce frowned, “If you’re tired, Jay–”

“I’m fine.” He spun his keys, “We have enough time to hit the gas station. We’ll just buy a pack of Zestis or something.”

“Would you like me to drive you two?”

Jay rolled his eyes, “I won’t fall asleep at the wheel if that’s what you’re insinuating.” He turned to Jason, older Dick and Older Bruce, “Thanks for coming. I know you guys have been busy.”

“Anytime squirt.”

Jay turned to younger Dick, “Are you leaving for New York tonight or tomorrow?”

Dick opened his arms for an embrace, “Tonight. I gotta work tomorrow. April?”

Jay grinned as he returned the hug, “You bet. I already have a list of–”

Dick pulled away, “Alright, nerd, save it for later or I’ll forget come tour time.” He turned to Tim, “It was nice to finally meet you, by the way.”

Tim grinned, “We actually have met before this, but yeah.” He looked at the group as a whole, “It was nice meeting all of you.”

“Bye guys.” Jay limped slightly on his first step, but then caught a better rhythm.

Bruce being Bruce did catch the limp, concern spread across younger Bruce’s face, “Jason?”

“Yeah, D–dad?” Jay looked back, seemingly surprised at how easily the D word came out. He glanced at Jason in panic, before blinking and looking back at Bruce with hesitation.

Bruce wasn’t expecting it either, based on his bewildered expression, like he had been handed a great honor of being called ‘Dad’. “Have fun, son.” The words flowed like water out of his mouth. Like that’s all he’s been wanting to say. “And drive safely. I don’t want to have to explain to the Drakes why their kid was in a car accident.”

Jay grinned “Puh-lease, I’m a better driver than Dick and you know it.”

Tim side eyed him, “You drive like a grandma.”

“Hush, little freshman. Safer is better than faster.” Jay took two more steps towards the exit, but turned back and surged towards Bruce, who immediately returned the hug, mumbling something into his hair. Something he couldn’t hear from where he was standing, but could see the way Alfred seemed to lock away the moment to treasure. The way younger Dick’s face flashed with something wistful, but then turned into a proud little smile.

It twisted something in Jason’s stomach. Part of him wanted to look at his Bruce. Try to piece together what he’s thinking. The other part forced him to look anywhere else. Not towards Jay and Bruce, not towards his Bruce, anywhere else.

He turned to the wall Jay was zoning out on early, only to come face to face with a giant lavender cancer ribbon, with a QR code to a donation center. No wonder Jay was zoned out on it earlier. It probably reminded him of Mami.

He traced a hand over the silky fabric.

God, he hopes Tim and Babs get their signal soon.

Jay and Tim were currently sitting in the warmth of Jay’s car, sipping on their Zestis while waiting in the venue’s parking lot. They were about 15 minutes early, and the only person in there was the music director, who was nice, but one on one conversations with her were kinda awkward, so they decided to wait for more people to show up.

Tim was talking about gossip he’d heard while mic-ing up some of his castmates, and Jay was trying his hardest to pay attention, but he couldn’t ride the adrenaline high anymore. He was sore all over in addition to the ache that refused to leave his knee. He’s starting to think he seriously ruined something in it. Which was so dumb because he hasn’t been out as Robin in almost a month, yet this morning his knee was all red and slightly swollen. The compression sleeve apparently wasn’t doing its job.

He rested the Zesti on his knee, letting the coolness numb the pain. If anything it made it feel worse.

Tim leaned back on the headrest, “So… your cousin. Peter.”

Jay groaned. He knew that bald face lie didn’t fly at all. “Ya know what? I know you know. Let's just stop pretending.” He really just… didn’t have the energy to come up with a lie.

“Well, there goes plausible deniability.” Tim took a sip of his Zesty, “There’s no way that was supposed to be you. He’s too tall.”

Jay massaged the area right below his kneecap, “He died when he was fifteen and then came back to life. Dick said he spent time with the League of Assassins and possibly took a dip in a cursed fountain of youth. So that's probably why he's tall. Magical growth hormones.”

“Fuck.” Tim looked out into the parking lot, “That seems like the lottery of trauma.” He turned back to Jay with a shit eating grin, “Maybe you should go for a swim. Grab a couple feet of height.”

“Don’t go shaming me for being short. Alternate reality Dick said you stop growing at 5 '6”.”

He frowned, “How would they even know me?”

“I dunno, Tim.” Jay still didn’t understand the logic of letting another kid be Robin after the last one died in the suit. (He snooped and found the comic books in Jason’s room, and he had said it was pretty much scene for scene how he died.) Obviously, he didn’t know the context behind most of the things that happened in their universe, and it was a lot, so he just… tried not to dwell on it.

“Do normal Bruce and Dick know I know?”

Jay nodded.

“Can I see the batcave?”

He just side eyed Tim.

The next morning, Jason, Dick, Bruce and Bruce were all sitting around the table eating breakfast, when Jay came down with eyebags to rival Bruce’s and flushed skin.

He made eye contact with Jay, who’s eyes began to look glossy, but he blinked a couple times, before sitting in his seat.

Well, Jay’s definitely sick, but not missing school for anything. He never did.

“Master Jason, are you feeling alright?”

He looked in the general direction of where Alfred was, giving him a slight nod, before looking back at his bowl. Jay picked up his spoon, and began pushing it around, when his eyes started to droop and–

Jason caught Jay by the forehead before he could face plant into his oatmeal.

Then he frowned and placed the back of his hand to Jay's forehead, glancing at younger Bruce and then Alfred, “I think he has a fever.”

Bruce placed the back of his hand on Jay's cheek, “Hm. 100.7.”

Jay blinked lazily at Bruce, “‘m fine.”

“You’ve had a lot going on this week. Maybe you should rest.”

“I’m…” Jay trailed off, eyes turning glossy again, so he buried them in his palms, “I’m so tired.”

“I know. Alfred, could you call the school? And Lucius?” Bruce accepted a damp cloth from Dick, placed it around Jay’s neck, and smoothed back his hair, “Why don’t you try to finish your food and then you can go back to bed.”

Jay just nodded and picked up his spoon.

Jay’s fever was slowly rising throughout the day, causing younger Bruce to slowly become more and more frantic because Jay refused to take any form of medication. Now that Jason really thought about it, despite the couple times he has gotten sick, he’s never gotten a fever while living in the manor.

Currently, Jason was trying to read, but younger Bruce was looking through the shelves that held Thomas Wayne’s old medical textbooks, but they didn’t seem to have what Bruce was looking for. He pulled out a couple herbology books and went to sit in the armchair closest to Jason.

“Bruce, Alfred already gave Jay pansy tea with ginger and lemon.” That’s like, the first natural remedy you find on a mommy blog.

“His fever is at 102.6, now.”Still Bruce continued to flip through the pages, “When Dick was younger, his fevers never got this high. He’d take the ibuprofen and be better the next day, but Jason just won’t take it. I tried, Alfred tried, even Dick tried.” Bruce suddenly had a look on his face that meant he had a Batman idea.

Jason threw his pack of post-its at Bruce, “Don’t you dare drug him. He’ll immediately know and then won’t trust you, and then he won’t eat anything for the next couple days, and that’s worse.” Bruce buried his head in his hands.

Jason closed his book and rested his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands, “Do you have those single seal packs?” He knew the answer would be no. In a family of vigilantes, it’s easier to buy painkillers in bulk, which always makes something twist in Jason’s stomach. The bottles are easier to lace with other substances. Though the single seal ones are more expensive.

Bruce stood up and looked at Jason, “Do you think he will take them?”

Jason thought about it for a moment. The single seal painkillers were the only type he kept in his first aid kit, but most of the time it was Dick, Tim, or Steph using them. The only time he’s taken them was that one time he got sepsis, and it was a joint effort from Steph and Dick to actually get him to take them. “I’m not sure… but he’s more likely to take them with the sealed packaging. I could try to convince him, but I’m not gonna push it.” It would be pretty hypocritical.

Bruce was already gone.

So that’s how Commissioner Gordon feels.

Jason picked his book back up and continued reading. Not thirty minutes later, Jay limped into the library, wearing his blankets like a cape, and he sat down right next to Jason, using him as a human shield, from Bruce who was on his tail.

“Jason please, if your fever gets any worse, we’ll have to–”

Jason motioned for him to put the medicine and glass of water on the table. Bruce relented, and to his credit, didn’t complain, when Jason waved him off, but Jason was certain that he was going to sit outside the library doors.

Jay sighed in relief, “Finally. Some me time.”

“Uhuh, and what does that make me?” Jason asked while flipping a page.

Jay frowned at him, but apparently didn’t see the give Jason a response, so he continued to read. He could feel Jay’s eyes on him, but considering how sick he currently was, Jason assumed he zoned out, “Did you overheat over there? Maybe three blankets are too many.”

Jay kicked off two of the blankets, and immediately started shivering like a chihuahua.

“Jason, I need a response. If a fever gets too high, it can cause brain damage.”

Jay pulled his blanket around himself tighter, “Shuddup– you’re not real.”

Jason was about to retort back with an ouch, I feel pretty real , when a smaller shivering Jay superimposed onto Jay’s shivering figure. One, who in his last moments thought that Jason was his Papi, because he was so out of it.

So… Jay probably thought he was a hallucination. Though his fever wasn’t high enough for one. It was, however, high enough for confusion, and he’s not going to actively pretend to be Papi, but he wasn’t going to correct Jay until he explicitly said something about it.

“You should take the medicine. It’s the good kind too. Name brand and all that.”

Jay shook his head, “No.”

“Ok.” And yeah, maybe Jason eased up way too quickly, but he could always go back to that point. Or use reverse psychology. Whatever makes more sense in the moment.

He continued reading, while Jay continued to shiver and stare, “What book are you reading?”

“The Chronicles of Narnia.” The spine was worn, not too much, but that perfect amount where you could easily flip the pages. It was a hardback, and there were post-it notes on the pages that his favorite scenes or lines were on. “I know it’s more of Mami’s thing, but would you like me to read to you?”

Jay nodded.

Jason flipped back to the beginning of ‘Prince Caspian’ and started to read out loud. Three chapters in, Jay started listing towards the side, until his head brushed Jason’s shoulder, and he shot back up in confusion.

Jason rolled his eyes, “Yes I’m real. You should probably take the medicine if you thought I was a hallucination. It’s in single seal packaging, so it’s unlikely that it’s been tampered with.”

“No.” Jay grabbed one of the pillows on the couch and placed it on Jason’s lap, before resting his head on the pillow. “Continue reading.”

So he did, and he found himself carding his fingers through Jay’s hair, just like Mami used to do with him. Now that he thinks about it, he thinks they read the entire Chronicles of Narnia while Mami got her chemo. He was young at the time. He only really remembers reading the series in the manor, but every time he reads the books, something melancholy settles in his chest. He always thought it was because the Pevensies died, but… maybe it’s because it reminds some part of him of her.

He heard Jay’s breath catch, and nothing really exciting was currently happening in the book. Then it hitched again and–

Oh shit, he was crying. Jason made him cry. Bruce is gonna kill him. But also, Jay’s fever was probably up to 103 by now, so it could hardly be Jason’s fault.

“What’s wrong?”

Jay sniffed and wiped the tears from his eyes, “Nothin’.” He took in a shaky breath, “I was just thinking about Mami.” it came out pretty even, and Jason was about to start reading again, when Jay just started sobbing.

Fuck. What was he supposed to do? He wishes Dick was here. He’d know what to do. Jason rubbed little circles into Jay’s shoulder, “Hey, it’s ok. I still miss her too.”

“No– It’s not– you don’t–” He started sobbing harder, “I’m sick .”

Jason pressed the back of his hand to Jay’s temple, “I’m not Bruce, but I’m pretty sure your fever has continued to rise.”

“Fuck.” Jay looked like he was about to say something else, but he sat up abruptly and grabbed the box of Motrin. He wiped the tears from his eyes, and carefully inspected the box for any indication it could be tampered with. Then he set it back down on the table, rubbing the palm of his hand into his knee. “I’m really sick .” His eyes began to water again, “I don’t– I can’t– not like Mami.”

Jason focused on the small little box on the table, “It was only bad when it didn’t come from a safe place. Bruce probably got that from a fancy Bristol CVS. And the fancy Bristol CVS had to get it from Texas. On an FDA-audited cGMP-certified site. It’s not Hydrocodine, and it’s only this once. Just to bring down your fever.”

Jay stared at Jason. Like he was debating telling him something, but then his expression hardened, “You don’t get it.” He sniffed, “Of course you don’t get it. She wasn’t your mom.”

It was scathing and did its job at picking at the scab wound that Jason never really had the chance to heal. It made Jason want to spit back a retort equally as cruel, “She might not have been my mom by blood, but she also raised me. And I know for a fact that she didn’t raise you to use her name in a vain argument just to get someone off your back because you’re anxious about taking a pill.” He stood up to leave, but paused, “I’m not forcing you to do or take anything, but I will say, if you don’t take the fever reducers, you’ll have to go to the ER.”

Jay seemed to pale at that, and eyed the box, “Can…can you stay?”

He rolled his eyes and sat back down, also staring at the box.

He counted to 84 before Jay finally picked up the packaging again. 73 as he inspected the box once more. Then another 57 before he actually opened the thing. Jay slid the plastic tray that held the individual pills out of the box. Where he just stared at it.

Jason wasn’t going to rush Jay. Hell, it probably took Jason longer just to open the box when he had sepsis.

Jay took a deep breath in and broke off the little square. He held his breath for a count of eight as he peeled back the foil that sealed the tablet in, and breathed out on a count of eight while keeping his eye on the pill like it might explode.

Jason was square breathing right alongside the kid. And he wasn’t even the one taking the damn thing. He’s the least qualified person under this roof to be doing this. “You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to.”

Jay glared at Jason, and popped the tablet in his mouth. Panic immediately filled Jay’s face as he realized what he was about to do.

Jason grabbed the glass of water on the table and handed it to Jay, “Wash it down, wash it down.”

Jay chugged the glass of water. Once he was finished with it, he leaned back and rested the glass on his cheek, like an ice pack.

Not two seconds later, younger Bruce walked in, “I’m so proud of you, Jay.” Bruce went to give Jay a hug, but he stood up and staggered out of the Library.

Bruce frowned and went to follow Jay, but Jason grabbed his arm, “Stop hovering.”

“I’m not hovering.” Jason gave him a look, and Bruce sat down and sighed “Ok, fine. Though can you blame me for worrying?”

“Yes.” Jason was just going to leave it at that, but then he added, “He’s 16. He’s not going to appreciate you hovering. There are going to be times where he needs you like water, but if– hmm… it’s kinda like a plant. If you overwater it, it wilts, if you underwater it, it shrivels up. But if you water it the right amount…”

“It blooms.”

Jason nodded, “Usually, you seem to be doing a good job at riding that middle line of letting Jason know you’re there if he needs you. I mean, he did call you Dad yesterday– but right now, you’re overwatering. Wait at least 30 minutes.”

“Ok.” Bruce nodded, “That’s a really good analogy, by the way.”

“Thanks.” Jason grinned, “If you’re planning on writing a parenting book, quote me.”

That weekend, after his fever had broken, Jay let Tim into the batcave.

To start his Robin training.

Did Bruce know that? No. Did Tim know that? Also no. But the only thing keeping Jay from officially hanging up the cape was the thought of leaving Bruce without someone to protect his six. Obviously there was Helena Bertilini and Stephanie Brown, but Bruce didn’t trust them. Not in the same way he trusted him or Dick. And Selena mostly stuck to Crime Alley.

He needs to have his affairs in order, and Robin was the biggest object.

Jay probably would’ve chosen Stephanie to take up the mantle. She seems to have that Robin sparkle, and kinda reminds him a bit of Dick. Caring and kind, but not to be underestimated because she does have an aggressive streak. Not that Jay ever did underestimate her. But her dad did. And now he’s in Blackgate. She’d actually be a really good Robin, considering she's already out some nights fighting crime, and she’s proven herself to be really smart. But she doesn’t know their secret identities and Tim does.

Pros and cons. Mainly pros.

Jay has seen her a couple of times around school. Though he’s interacted with her more as Spoiler and Robin rather than Stephanie and Jason. She’s a year older than Tim, but he skipped a grade so they were both freshmen… “Hey Tim. Do you know a Stephanie Brown?”

Currently, they were running a simulation under the guise of fooling around, but Jay was trying to assess where Tim’s skill level was currently at. Another pro about Tim is that apparently he’s been taking martial arts classes for a while, and was already pretty good at fighting. Not vigilante good, but better than your average person.

“Yeah. She’s in my geometry class– aw… shit!” a holographic mugger had stabbed him in the gut, causing the simulation to end for him. “And my world history class. What about her?”

Jay finished off the rest of the muggers and smirked, “Nothin’.” He made sure to keep his breathing even, “I was just tryna distract ya.” not quite. He put the name in Tim’s mind, and now, he’d keep an eye out for her.

Tim gave him a deadpan look, as he flopped on the floor “For Gotham’s physical manifestation of hope, you sure are a dick.”

That made Jay grin, “All I’m hearin’ is that I’m great at my job. Almost like the original.”

“Please. With your sloppy ass flips, you’re not even close to being Dick Grayson.”

Jay carefully lowered himself onto the floor and brought his right knee to his chest, “At least a nine year old with a hyperfixation won’t figure out my secret identity.”

That seemed to get Tim to pause, and flip him off. “You know what will give your secret identity away?”

“If this is the point where you betray me, I’m going to kill myself before Bruce does with his lecture about trusting people.”

Tim clutched his fake pearls in offense, “Do you truly think so little of me? No. I was going to say your premature grays.”

That got Jay scrambling for his phone. When was the last time he touched up his roots? Wait– he did it the night before opening night, “You contemptible human splotch, I touched up my roots a week ago! This is why your parents don’t love you.”

“I’m an angel in my parents' eyes. They love me. Can you say the–” Tim cut himself off when he realized what he was about to say.

“The entirety of Gotham thinks I’m an angel.”

Tim smirked and pointed up, “Angel Robin.”

He knew Tim was referencing Jason’s death, but it made something twist in his stomach. He shook his head, “What are you talkin’ about? He’s Jesus Robin. Duh.”

Jay was right about the whole ‘placing Stephanie’s name into Tim’s head so he’d hang out with her’ thing. Except he was right in the wrong way, because apparently Tim had gotten her snap and they were ‘talking’ . Tim ‘talks’ to a lot of people. At the same time. So that kind of makes things a bit messy… but it’s ok. He’ll work it out. Mainly, it’s for him to create a real world connection with her if she ever needs someone. Because he knows Bruce, and if it seems like Jay was close to her before he– no. He might not, he might– quits. Before he quits, he might trust Spoiler to be more of an ally.

Hopefully.

So there Robin was, waiting on a fire escape in the Burrows that’s near a diner Spoiler’s known to frequent. He could’ve waited on the roof of her house, but that would be too intimidating. This way it’s more casual.

He heard the fire escape rattling above him and knew it was her coming down. Batman would be much more silent.

“Hi there Robin. I see you gotchur big boy pants on.”

“Thanks. They have pockets.” While technically, it was warm enough for him to go back to wearing the green shorts with flesh colored tights underneath, he was wearing green cargo pants to hide the compression sleeve he had on his knee. He still hasn’t told Bruce about it, and he intends to keep it that way until he has all his affairs organized. “I gotcha some waffles. Ya don’t havta eat ‘em now.” He handed the to-go bag to her.

“I’m not complainin’ ‘bout free food.” she paused and looked around, “Is the Bat with ya? Is this supposed to be a trap?”

“Nah, the Bat’s in Burnley.” He played with the straw of his milkshake.

“Gotcha, gotcha.” She nodded, taking the box out of the bag, and lifted her mask over her mouth, “So, Boy Wonder, what brings ya here this time? Epic team up? Soon we’ll be more popular than you and your boss.”

Jay gave her a small smile, “Nah. I just wanted to talk with ya. I dunno, there’s not many heroes our age.”

“And how d’ya know I’m not… 37.”

He slurped his milkshake in response.

Spoiler put her fork down and tilted her head in exasperation, “Robin, this is how you get groomed.”

He paused, “How old do you think I am?”

“I dunno, 12? 13? You’re kinda short for a 13 year old, though.”

Jay slowly nodded. He might’ve had a growth spurt recently, but he was still only 5’4”. “I’m older than you think, Barney. And, I know you’re around my age because Batman’s kinda a stalker. Sorry.”

She turned to look down over the streets, “Is that why you’re here? To apologize for your creepy old man’s behavior and then stick me in juvie for vigilantism?”

“That would be pretty hypocritical.” he dangled his feet over the edge of the fire escape, also looking down. If he was higher up and he fell, he would go splat and everything would stop. That would surely be easier. “And no, that's not the reason I’m here.” He dug out a slip of paper from his pocket. “That has my number on it. Batman doesn’t really trust you, but I do. If you ever need anything, whether that be better gear, someone to help clean up some bad guys, or just someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me a text.” He went to stand up, “You’re Robin approved. Don’t forget that.” And he grappled away.

According to Dick, something was off about Jay. Yeah, sure, maybe the kid was spending a lot more time in his room and lowkey self isolating, but “He probably wants some time to himself. We’ve been staying with them for over a month, and we’re practically strangers. Not to mention, he’s just getting over another fever.” It was weird. They happened within a month of each other. And Jason considered himself to have a pretty good immune system. He’d only get seriously sick, once every couple years.

Dick frowned at the plate he’d set down, “I don’t think that’s it.”

“Ok… then what do you think is off?” Jason placed the water pitcher in the center of the table.

Dick stayed silent as he gathered his thoughts until they finished setting up the table and then he motioned towards the porch. “Ok.” He started as soon as he shut the door behind them, “I haven’t talk to either of the Bruces about this yet, because it’s… it’s–” He clamped his mouth shut, and took in a breath through his nose, “Fuck, this is so much easier to talk about with strangers.”

So this was probably something really serious. Like, spilling things to a stranger is easy because you don’t know them, but as soon as you try to say the same things to someone you have a history with…

Dick pursed his lips, “Ok, so, remember back in the fifth reality we went to, when, um, we were at your grave?”

“...yes?” That was honestly the second least traumatizing Death of Jason they’d experienced throughout their whole trip. “What about it?”

His knee started bouncing up and down, but then he straightened up, and stilled himself. “I’ve been thinking of something you said when we were there, and I was planning on talking about it once we got home, but now I feel like it kinda relates to what I’m feeling is off with Jay.” Dick looked Jason square in the eyes. The look was like steel, yet it was filled with so much apprehension, that Jason couldn’t break away. “You said you’re supposed to be dead . Which, I don’t believe to be true at all. You came back for a reason. A reason those higher entities who call you a mistake don’t even know, which makes them fear you.”

“Dick–”

“Let me finish. I’m not going to push this conversation now. I’m not going to push it if you don’t want to have the conversation ever. Just know I’m here for you if you need me. I’ve had my fair share of issues too.”

He looked out to the rose bushes that were still bare due to the late March temperature fluctuations.That… that was a lot to unpack, but he did say they could unpack it later, or never, so he focused on the bigger issue, “I… don’t think I see how this relates to Jason.”

“Yes you do.”

“Ok, I don’t see why you’re asking me .” He shifted so his entire body was facing Dick, “I wasn’t able to be 16 years old. For all we know, they could literally be mood swings. For me, the highs have always felt like I could touch the moon, and the lows were like falling into the Mariana trench.” He drummed his fingers on the armrest, “I get you’re concerned, but also, Jay has goals that are a lot clearer than the dream I refused to let myself believe in before I died. He knows he has a place here. He wouldn’t give all that up.”

“You really think so?”

Jason paused. The memory of why Gloria Stanson hanging in her room had felt like it ripped something out of him and shoved something in. Because there were certain parts of his time on the streets that he refused to remember. And her hanging there because of what Garzonas had done to her–

It forced him to remember.

And not in the way he remembered while running into the people he worked for. Those people had made something under his skin crawl in a way that had him scrubbing his skin raw.

Gloria had reminded him of it in vivid detail. And he remembered watching Garzonas fall, wondering if the splat would make everything finally stop so he could catch up.

But they were just intrusive thoughts. He would’ve never acted on them.

Right?

Intrusive thoughts are probably what runs through his brain the most ever since his dip in the Lazarus pit, but he’s never acted on them.

There was a knock on the door, before Alfred opened it, “Supper is ready, Masters.”

They walked back inside to wash their hands before sitting down at the table with Bruce, Bruce and Jay.

Jay who… looked thinner than when they’d first met. Whose eyes seemed to have bags that could rival Bab’s. Whose skin appeared to be dull, even though he’s been recovered from his second fever for a week and a half.

He looked to Dick, who was giving him a barely there ‘ see what I mean?’ look.

Jason piled some more food onto Jay’s plate, “You gotta eat more, kid. Otherwise you’ll never be as tall as me.”

Jay grimaced for a second before masking it behind a neutral mask, and turned to look Jason in the eyes, “You had a Lazarus Pit.” he pushed around some vegetables on his plate, “‘sides, I wasn’t plannin’ on it. Growin’ wrong sucks.” he barely mumbled under his breath.

Younger Bruce was talking to older Bruce, and Alfred, but Dick definitely heard, because some of the blood rushed from his face.

Jason looked back to Jay, “What? What do you mean?”

A flurry of emotions flashed over Jay’s face before settling on a glare, and standing up, “You’re an idiot and you don’t know nothin’.” and stormed out.

Jason pushed his chair out to follow, but Dick stopped him, “I’ll go.” and just like that, he was gone.

Younger Bruce frowned, “What’s the matter?”

Jason just shrugged, “Nothin’.”

Jay stopped, taking a break halfway up the stairs, heart pounding in his ears. Jason figured it out. Of course he figured it out. He knew he was going to figure it out first and that’s exactly why he’d been avoiding him. Now Jason was going to tell Bruce, and it was going to ruin all of his plans and they’re all going to treat him differently and–

God, he wants to be able to talk to Mami so bad.

He sat down on the stairs, rubbing the knot that was forming under his sturnum. Bruce was going to find out eventually. He just wanted to tell him about it once he had all of his affairs in place. He wanted to tell him when he was ready to.

Dick sat down next to him. Seemingly not keen on filling the silence with anything.

Honestly, Jay was pretty sure that Dick would’ve gone ghost for a couple hours after learning. At least he was sure that’s what his brother Dick would do. Then he’d come back and insist they watch a lousy reality TV show together.

Honestly, this Dick was pretty diffent from his brother. Still the same person fundamentally, but a lot more mature. Which made sense, considering he was like… 30.

Jay held himself as stiff as cardboard. Waiting for Dick to say something like ‘I’m so sorry,’ or ‘We’re going to help you get better.’

“You know, you and Dick seem a lot closer than my Jason and I were when he was Robin.”

Jay shrugged, not knowing where this was going, “You’re a busy person. I get it. I’m pretty sure your Jason gets it too…” He pulled his knee to his chest, and turned his head to look at Dick, “I’m assuming he told you guys?”

Dick pursed his lips, “No. I actually told him, but we haven’t told Bruce yet.”

There was a short burst of relief that morphed into guilt, “Why would you tell Jason?” He placed his forehead on his knee. It’s rule number one of telling people about heavy experiences they’ve seen happen to their parents at a young age.

He could feel the guilt radiating off of Dick, “I’m sorry. I just… I wanted to make sure before I jumped to conclusions, and considering you and Jason have similar experiences–”

“We don’t? I mean, technically, genetically, we’re not even the same person.”

Dick paused, “Wait, what are you talking about?”

Jay lifted up his head, “What are you talking about?”

“I thought… you were depressed. Like… dangerously so.”

The knot under his sternum unraveled, “I don’t want to die! I wanna have a life. I want to live . God, I just started to actually let myself live, why would I give all this up on purpose?” If he had a choice he’d live a long healthy life, “Sometimes the PTSD catches up to me. That’s all. Bruce and I, we have a system for when things get harder to deal with. Babs is also working on a Therapy AI for the Justice League, the Titans, and any other heroes who might need it. I’m currently the Guinea Pig, but it’s helped me sort through some things. All she needs to work on is making sure everything stays confidencial and can’t be hacked.”

He could feel the tension dissipate from Dick, “Then what did you mean by ‘you weren’t planning on growing’. ”

He banged his forehead against his knee grasping for strings, “Growing bones suck.” he finally settled on. Cus they do.

Dick slowly nodded, “Growing pains?”

That… was actually a sturdy rope, “Yeah.” It would buy him the time that he needs and provide an excuse, “But also, I know I probably won’t grow much more. Maybe an inch or two. Childhood malnutrition’s a major setback.” and maybe if he wasn’t finally shooting up, his bones wouldn’t be as dilapidated. “It’s just been a busy couple of months, and I think everything’s finally catching up to me. I’m ok, though, and I do realize I could’ve worded that better.”

“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.” he laughed, “Some detective I am.”

“Yeah.” some detectives, alright.

Jay had just finished taking out some would-be rapist with Spoiler. He cuffed the unconscious man to the nearest lamp post as Spoiler consoled the woman.

Something was bubbling under his chest. It was dread, it was ire, it was– something inside him that refused to heal. That kept growing and growing and growing and–

He realized he’d fully zoned out while helping Stephanie walk the woman home, and now she was leading them to the old playground that had long since been known for child traffickers.

They both sat on the two tire swings, in silence until Jay said, “Ya know, the first time I met the Bat, I was boostin’ his tires.”

She let out a surprised laugh, “What? You stole Batman’s tires.”

He offered her a tired smile, “Yeah. It’s not a story I get to tell often. Seein’ as, ya know, secret identities. He caught me of course. Cus he’s Batman, but I hit him with the tire iron and ran away. I didn’t even get all four.”

Stephanie was full on laughing at that point, “Now all I can picture is a scrawny little eight year old hitting Batman in the ankles and calling him a loser.”

“I actually called him ‘ a big boob’ . And I was twelve. Again, I’m older than you think.”

Stephanie tilted her head, doing the math, “And you’ve been Robin, for what, three years? You’re 15?”

“16.” He corrected, “I’ll be 17 in August.” Jay looked up to the moon. It was full tonight, and he bets the gravity of it was causing the throbbing in his knee to be unbearable, “It’s a pretty good retirement age, doncha think?”

Stephanie looked at him, “Jesus Christ you’re short.” She also looked up at the moon, “Ya know, there’s a rumor that Nightwing was the old Robin. Same flips, same jokes. Knows the lay of the land.”

Jay scooted the swing so he was a bit closer to Steph and whispered, “Between you and me, that rumor’s right, but don’t tell anyone.” he let go and the swing started rocking at an angle.

“So, you’re plannin’ on graduating. Gotta new name yet?” She timed the swing so that they were in sync, “Am I gonna see ya around, or are ya gonna leave for New York like Big Blue?”

“Nah, like I said, I’m retirin’. Hanging up the cape. I haven’t told Batman yet though. I just wanted to let ya know just so you’re not blind sided if there’s a new Robin after me.”

“I’ve never heard of a superhero retirin’.” They swung in silence for a minute, “Are you dyin’ or somethin’? Is this the last time I’m gonna see you?”

A low ringing filled Jay’s hearing, “Hopefully not.”

“...To which question?”

“Madame Eggplant, your questions are startin’ to lean into the ‘too personal’ side.” He looked at the bench Mami used to sit at as Papi helped him on the monkey bars, “Besides, you have my number. If ya miss me too badly, just call.” He leaned his head against the rope, “I’ll try to see if my boss’ll let me spill the beans on who I am.”

“I think Gotham’s gonna miss you, Boy Wonder.”

He looked back to the moon with a rueful smile, “I’ll miss her too.”

Ok, so, Tim was coming pretty far in his training, Stephanie has his number and knows to expect a new Robin, so now all that’s left is to tell Bruce he’s retiring. Four week notice. His week with the Titans would be his official last week as Robin.

Now how he goes about that… that’s the real question.

Currently they were busting a drug trafficking ring. Batman and Robin. The dynamic duo. As they should.

Did each kick send a throb through Jay’s leg? Yes. Did every flip make him want to crumple into a ball, cradle his knee tight to his chest and cry? Yes. Though he had a job to do. He could cry about the pain later. And who knows. Maybe it would just go away on its own.

He knows that’s not how it works.

Robin took out the last goon in his corner of the warehouse, searching around the place for any more threats. Batman was also done and cuffing up all the goons.

“Are you alright, Robin?”

Jay controlled his heavy breathing and nodded, “Yeah.” He walked over to the crates, making sure to keep the weight on both his legs even.

He paused, hands resting against the closest crate. God, he was so tired .

“Robin?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good, B.” but he couldn’t put enough strength in the words. They trailed off at the end. So he pulled a batarang out of one of his pockets and pried open the crate.

Explosives?

He walked around the crates and– “Bomb. Batman there’s a bomb. Twelve minutes 53 seconds.”

“Evacuate the building.” Batman threw an unconscious goon over each of his shoulders in a fireman’s carry.

Jay hoisted a dazed goon to his feet and encouraged him up, supporting most of his weight. And that was their system. Bruce carrying the unconscious ones and Jay dragging the ones who were barely there.

Except he could barely support himself with his bad knee, much less grown men who were double his size and weight. Still he pushed through. There were people’s lives on the line. They were only working these jobs because they needed the money. They didn’t deserve to die a fiery death.

His right leg was numb with pain, and his left leg buzzed in exhaustion. He could feel his heart pounding in his temples and sweat trickle down his neck.

This was the last person. He could see the safety of Batman’s cape in front of him, moving the victims further from the blast radius. He was almost there.

Then the world went bright behind him. He tackled the person he was holding to the ground, covering both of them in as much of his cape as possible.

A blast of hot–burning air– swept through his hair as the crack of the explosion caused his ears to ring.

“ROBIN!!!”

Jay rolled off the goon as soon as he was sure the explosions were done, because he was 90% sure he was on fire.

A dark fabric kept batting at his head.

Something wrapped around his upper arm, and pulled him up into a seated position, but he immediately pulled away. No way was he getting kidnapped.

Then he looked at who was trying to help him.

“ Dad.” Jay leaned his head on the bat on his chest.

Bruce wrapped his arms tighter around Jay, and planted a kiss on his forehead, “Don’t… don’t ever scare me like that again. Do you hear me?”

He barely could, because his ears were ringing, but he nodded, “Then you’ll be thrilled to hear that I’m handin' in my four week notice.”

Bruce let out a sigh, “ Thank God.”

Huh. Apparently it wasn't that hard.

Ever since Dick told Jason that he had just jumped to conclusions, Jason couldn’t help but feel a surge of vindication, because of course he knows himself best.

Except, he knew himself best, and there was something wrong.

Obviously, the kid almost got blown up a couple days ago, but other than the singed hair, and fussing over how he can apply burn cream himself (which, makes sense), like Dick said, something was off . The weight loss, the dull skin, the visible exhaustion. It was like something was sucking the life out of Jay.

Nope. He’s not allowed to think like that. Positive thinking attracts positive vibes.

They were all currently down in the cave, debating on whether or not they should amplify the beacon’s signal, or just make their own interdimensional machine. They made the beacon because they didn’t expect to be in this reality for as long as they had been.

He glanced at Jay who was sitting on a stool, kneading the area right below his knee, seemingly zoned out. Jason backed out of the circle he, Bruce, Bruce, and Dick were in to lean against the table next to Jay, “You ok?”

Jay sat up straight, “Yeah. Just… growing pains.”

Jason nodded. He remembers having those when Alfred’s meal plan started to actually prove fruitful. He also remembers freaking out whenever his elbows ached because he was afraid he’d have an x-ray come back and show he had a tumor just like Mami. Obviously, that was before he realized he didn’t have a genetic disposition to cancer. Not like–

No. He’s probably over thinking.

“If you want, I can show you some stretches I usually do when my chronic pain flares up.”

Jay frowned, “Right now?”

He shrugged, “If you want.”

Jay looked to where Dick and the Bruces were pointing out the pros and cons of building a new interdimensional machine when time could just be moving differently across realities. “Yeah, sure, why not.”

They moved towards the mats, where they started with basic standing stretches– hands to toes, heel to glutes, knee to chest– then the sitting ones– sit and reach, one while flexing their ankles and the other while pointing their toes.

Then Jason instructed Jay to go on his knees for child's pose. A crackle came from Jay’s knee, as his eyes widened and he immediately shifted his weight to extend his leg in front of him.

That… that wasn’t the pop of joints letting out an air bubble. That was the sound of a bone breaking.

But that was nothing– bones don’t break just by putting weight on them.

Unless…

The weight loss, the exhaustion, the fevers, the bone pains–

‘I’m really sick’ ‘I can’t– not like Mami’ ‘she wasn’t your mom’ ‘growing wrong sucks’

He opened his mouth to call for Bruce, but a hand was suddenly clamped over it, “I’ll explain in the medbay?”

Jason hoisted Jay to his feet as gently as possible, while still being firm about it, closing the medbay doors behind them and hoisting Jay up onto the cot, “How long?”

Jay tilted his head, “Has anyone ever told you that you look a lot like Papi when you’re worried.”

“And you look just like Mami when she was sick.” he spat back, “Jesus, kid, how long has your damn knee been hurting?”

“I dunno…”

Jason crossed his arms, “You don’t know.”

“Ok fine. February.” He grimaced, “Maybe at the end of January.”

‘I have no wit, no words, no tears; My heart within me like a stone’

Jason felt the blood drain from his face, “That was two and a half months ago.”

“I didn’t think it was that bad until–” Jay looked at his knee and mumbled, “Until you read to me when I had the first fever.”

“Ok.” He took in a deep breath, trying to keep himself from yelling, “Ok. You’ve still had about a month to tell Bruce or Alfred.”

“Well I’m so sorry that telling someone felt like it made this all real!”

“Ignoring a tumor doesn’t make it magically disappear!”

‘Is numb'd too much for hopes or fears; Look right, look left, I dwell alone;’

Jay immediately shrunk at the words, “Well, we both could just be over thinking.”

“You know who’s great at looking at just the facts?” Jason went to open the door, “Bruce!”

“Wait, wait, wait! I just– I’ll tell him, but please , just let me do it on my own time. Please.”

Just then, Younger Bruce and Older Bruce rushed in, “What’s going on?”

Jason opened his mouth to just tell them. It would be the responsible thing to do.

‘I lift mine eyes, but dimm'd with grief; No everlasting hills I see;’

But then he looked at Jay. Whose eyes were begging him to keep this one secret. Whose eyes were carbon copies of Mami’s.

Jay practically collapsed in relief, “I, uh, dislocated my knee, but don’t worry! Jason set it back in place…”

Younger Bruce’s concern deepened, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It… happened six minutes ago.”

It’s only been six minutes? He feels like it’s been six months. He feels like he’s gone sixteen years in the past.

Bruce turned to Jason, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He was up in his face, he was miles away. He looked back to Jay who was saying something, but Jason couldn’t make it out.

Older Bruce frowned, “Jason, are you alright?”

‘My life is in the falling leaf:’

He held eye contact with Jay. For a millisecond? For an eternity? Why wasn’t the kid answering the question? He was the one who wasn’t ok. He was the one who was sick– who had cancer. It was going to slowly grow and grow until it metastasized and killed him just like–

No, she died from the lack of proper care, and fentanyl and Bruce had enough money to get Jay proper care if he just told him .

A hand brushed against his elbow, and he pulled away. He headed towards the drawer with the knee braces, pulled out one of the hinged braces, found a pair of crutches and placed them all on the cot where Jay was sitting.

‘O Jesus, quicken me.’

Then he left.

#jason todd #batman #batfam #dc comics #red hood #dick grayson #bruce wayne #tim drake #stephanie brown #robin jason todd #alternate universe #dimensional travel

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