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augustinewrites · 29 days

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summary: realizing you've fallen for someone is hard. even more so when that person is miya atsumu.

part of how to be your lover boy (a valentine's collab brought to you by augustinewrites and seiwas!) (a month and a half late but here nonetheless!) ps @seiwas ur my one true valentine

you’d been planning to leave your boss’ party at a sensible 9pm.

but one drink had turned into two, two had turned into three, then four. you’re just about to down a shot with osamu when his brother appears, resting an arm around his shoulders.

atsumu is known first as osamu’s twin, and onigiri-miya’s biggest supporter second (third is a major league volleyball player, but you have to keep him humble). he orders a lot of food a lot of the time, always tipping spectacularly. during his team’s off season, he’s there from opening till closing, doing his best to bus tables and take orders.

he’s been off for a few days, so you’d been seeing a lot of him lately. not that you really minded because, well–

atsumu is hot.

you’ve known this for a while but refused to linger on the fact. you’ve done your best to lock it within the furthest recesses of your mind and throw away the key because he’s your boss’ brother. mixing business with pleasure has never been a smart move.

the blond holds up his own drink and flashes you a charming grin, eyes darting up and down your figure appreciatively. you can see the gears turning in his head as he tries to find the perfect thing to say.

“what are we toasting to?” you ask, clearing your throat to mask the sudden bout of insecurity you’re feeling.

“to good fortune, good health–”

“and good company,” atsumu adds, winking before the three of you tip your glasses back, liquor sliding down your throat.

five drinks just turned into an incredibly questionable decision. the dyed blonde, volleyball playing type.

you hadn’t meant for it to happen, you swear. you hadn't meant to let him tug you into his brother’s (your boss’) bedroom and you hadn’t meant to kiss him.

but it'd all happened so swift, so laughably cinematic. pressing up against a closed door as he fumbled for the handle. you’d shared messy, rushed kisses as hands slipped underneath clothes, but atsumu’s lips were warm and you liked how they moved against your own.

“wait, wait–” you mumbled, pulling away for a second to look at him. “are we really going to–” you gesture between you.

atsumu gently nipped at your throat, humming. “why shouldn’t we?”

you shouldn’t because he’s your boss’ brother and your seasonal coworker. while not outright banned in onigiri miya’s code of conduct, workplace relationships certainly weren't wise.

“i'm just saying,” he murmurs, the thumb brushing the top of your thigh making you squirm. “if you want to, i'm game. we don't have to make a big deal out of it.”

your nose scrunches at what he’s implying. rational, sober you who hadn't just been kissed dizzy wouldn't even consider this type of illicit exchange. whatever version you were tonight though…

“wouldn’t it be weird? after, i mean.”

“not unless we make it weird,” he says, glancing up at you through unfairly long lashes. “and…”

surprise melts into curiosity as you wait to hear what he has to say, but he trails off. he quickly tries to dismiss it with a shake of his head before moving in to kiss you again.

but you lean back and fix him with an expectant look. “no. what were you going say?”

his cheeks flush before he lets his head drop against your shoulder, mumbling something that sounds like you’re really hot under his breath.

_____

in theory, no-strings sex is supposed to be simple, mechanical fun.

and at first, no-strings sex with atsumu is.

he’s good in bed, unsurprisingly. he puts his money where his annoyingly talented mouth is and leaves you trembling atop your bed sheets every time. he’s eager to learn you, making each encounter a little better than the last.

outside of sex, you don’t really see much of him. pro athletes rarely get any down time. when he’s not at practice he’s at the gym and vice versa. when he’s not at either, he’s out of town for a game.

but still somehow, your relationship evolves (slowly at first, then suddenly at once as things often do).

you’d spent a lot of time together leading up to new year’s. grabbing a snack across the street during lunch breaks. christmas shopping together on the weekends. coffee dates on lazy, snowy evenings. you still go home with him, but it’s no longer accompanied by the blur of alcohol or the burn of desire.

it’s different now. you still want him, but not just because he’s got wicked abs.

you want him because he always remembers your coffee order.

you’re treading a dangerous path. no-strings sex only works if there’s no connection other than physical.

(which is why no-strings sex with atsumu changes on new year’s eve.)

tonight is different. he’s different.

tonight, atsumu kisses your shoulder. your jaw. the tip of your nose. soft words of praise are whispered against your skin instead rather than grunts of pleasure in your ear.

you love the feel of his hands on your waist. his face beneath your fingertips. it’s a lot. it’s so much. it’s–

“i love you,” he groans, curling his fingers into the hair on the back of your head as he noses at your neck.

______

the lunch rush at onigiri miya has just started to slow down, so and osamu are in the back office. you’re both hunched over a laptop updating the inventory when atsumu appears in the doorway. he slings a hand towel over his shoulder, casting a brief, hopeful look in your direction.

you stare hard at the screen as osamu glances between you both.

“dishes are mostly done,” the blond says. “i'm gonna head home.”

(another hopeful look.)

“yeah,” osamu nods, catching the apron that’s tossed over to him. “feel free to grab something on your way out.”

it’s then that you finally steal a quick glance at him, just in time to see his kicked-puppy look. it’s almost enough to waver your resolve, tugging in your heartstrings just enough before you turn away.

“trouble in paradise?” your boss asks once his brother is gone.

“he’s the trouble.” you sigh. “obviously i’m the paradise.”

“i’ll say. something happen between you two?”

you close the laptop, casting him a warning glance. “don’t you have onigiri to make?”

“yeah,” he shrugs. “but the scrub’s been moping around for weeks. not to mention he’s been playing ‘i wanna know what love is’ every time i get in a car with him.”

“sounds like a quarter-life crisis.”

osamu hums thoughtfully. “could be. or maybe it has something to do with the fact that you’ve been sleeping together and pretending everyone doesn’t already know you’re in love too.”

leave it to your boss to drop truth bombs in the middle of the work week.

“so what if he said he loved me?” you ask, throwing your hands up. “it wasn't– it wasn't like i love you i love you. it was…middle of sex i love you. he didn't mean it.”

osamu stared at you, as if trying to figure out if you were serious. “do you think he chooses to come here in his down time and work for free washing dishes? he comes here for you. the idiot obviously loves you. you’re really gonna sit here and tell me you don't love him too?”

you supposed…you supposed this wasn't your typical friends with benefits arrangements. late nights weren't just spent tangled up in each others bedsheets. they were spent drinking tea on the balcony of your apartment. they were spent giggling and cuddling on the couch, not really watching sitcom reruns all night long.

you supposed that somewhere along the line, the scale between love and friendship had tipped out of balance.

maybe…maybe that didn’t have to be a bad thing.

dividers by @/enchanthings! please check out their adorable work!

#atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu fluff #hq fluff #hq x reader #how to be your lover boy collab #enchanthings

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heart-of-the-morningstar · 6 months

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I’m gonna write this down now so I can look like an absolute genius later (or look like a clown, but at least I said it with my full chest!)

❌ Spoilers for the FNAF Movie below! ❌

Ok, I might be huffing hopium here, but in my heart of hearts I STILL think Mike Schmidt is Mike Afton. If (or when) they make a sequel, there’s a way they can reveal this

So the most obvious thing from this movie is when Mike is in “Steve’s” office, and when “Steve” is reading Mike’s name out loud from his résumé, he stops mid-sentence. He looks at Mike for a weird amount of time, almost studying him, before completely changing the subject. There’s no way in hell “Steve” recognizes Mike from when he saw him as a kid when he kidnapped his brother Garrett 10+ ago, no chance. Also why would he go to Nebraska (unclear where the movie takes place, but let’s assume Utah because of the books) to kidnap a random kid and just drive off? Here’s what I think is going on…(also I’m gonna call him William from now on cuz we all know lol)

William fingered out that Mike is his son during that interview. My theory is that at some point, William was married and him and his wife have a son named Mike. And for one reason or another, they got divorced. This is when Mike was too young to really remember which is why he doesn’t recognize William during their meeting. Mike’s mom gains custody of Mike and remarries, she marries Mr. Schmidt. They have a child together, Garrett. Sometime after the divorce, William adopts a child, trying to cope after losing his only son. He adopts Vanessa.

William finds out about his ex-wife having another kid. He wants to cause her pain and suffering for leaving him. He follows the Schmidt’s and takes Garrett during the camping trip. Unable to handle the pain, Mike’s mom takes her own life, leaving Mike and his stepdad. Mr. Schmidt marries a little later to another woman, and she has a daughter named Abby. Sometime after this, both Mr. Schmidt and his new wife die, leaving Mike to care for Abby.

Vanessa owed William so much, he had adopted her while she had suffered in an orphanage for years. She would do anything he told her, even if it meant covering up his crimes. Years later, realizing what she was doing was wrong, she left her father and became a police officer, hoping to stop people like her father as she had failed to stop him.

Here’s another thing. Scott Cawthon knows that the fans are obsessed with the lore of FNAF. I think he knew he could make more movies, this isn’t going to be a one and done deal. Plus, he had his hand on this project every step of the way, he wouldn’t agree to anything that he didn’t want to happen in the story. Mike being William’s some is CRUCIAL to the story of FNAF (at least in the games). I think he’s trying to fake us out, you know how he loves to troll the fans!

Again, this is just a theory (A GAME THEORY lol), but I don’t think the idea of Mike being an Afton is dead just yet. Hoping and praying so I can look incredibly smart if or when the sequel drops 🙏🏻

#fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf spoilers #fnaf movie spoilers #five nights at freddy's #five nights at freddy’s movie #five nights at freddy’s spoilers #five nights at freddy’s movie spoilers #william afton #steve raglan #mike schmidt #mike afton #michael afton #vanessa afton #scott cawthon #theory #garrett schmidt #abby schmidt #please god let me be right i’m begging

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chronologicalerrors · 8 months

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Why Crowley Was an Archangel, And Why it Matters: A Fan Theory

Neil Gaiman has said that Season 2 is a bridging season, setting up what is to come in Season 3, which will be based on a story he and Pratchett outlined many years ago. This season is therefore moving characters into place and establishing facts and mechanics of the Good Omens universe that we need as an audience in order to understand what comes next. It moved Aziraphale back to Heaven, and removed Gabriel and Beelzebub. This season has also been heavy on the references to Crowley’s past as an angel.

Season 2 of Good Omens has been practically inviting us to speculate on who Crowley used to be. If we’d just been given that one glimpse of him in the first scene I wouldn’t make so much of it, but we also saw him return to heaven in disguise and reject an offer of being returned to full angelic status. We have to conclude that there’s been so many sustained hints at this because it will be important next season!

Some of this has already been suggested by others, but GO2 has taken over my brain and I need to write this all out. So, let’s have a look at what we already know about Crowley’s angelic past in-universe, and what else we might be able to guess at from that.

What’s special about Crowley’s powers?

Crowley is the only demon or angel who is shown being able to stop time. When asked about this Pre-S2, Neil Gaiman said the following:

We first see him do this in Paris in 1793, and the second time to speak to Adam to avert the apocalypse at the end of S1. The first time was something he did casually, while the second required a huge burst of power – it needed to hold off Satan, after all - and happened at Aziraphale’s urging.

A: Come up with something or… or I'll never talk to you again.

(GIF from fyeahgoodomens. There’s a collection of gifs of Crowley stopping time through S1 here.)

When we see him stop time this season, in Edinburgh in 1827, it’s also directly at Aziraphale’s request:

This bit is absolutely key to me, as this establishes that stopping time is something Crowley can do that Aziraphale cannot.

This also seems tied to the crank handle of his Bentley. When Crowley has stopped time to hold off Satan, he is gripping the handle in the same way Aziraphale carried his flaming sword, and spins in when he comes to restart time.

C: I'm going to start time. You won't have long to do whatever you're going to do.

By itself, this doesn’t mean anything. Until we see the same handle at the start of Season 2, in the hands of Angel Crowley. He uses this to start up his nebula, as a tool for setting time into motion.

Is this the same handle? It certainly appears this way. Like Aziraphale’s flaming sword, was this a gift from God that he’s managed to hang on to for thousands of years (And it just miraculously happens to fit his Bentley)? It certainly seems that the Bentley crankshaft handle is more than it seems, and that Crowley can use it as a conduit for power – as he needed to when stopping time to hold off the ruler of Hell himself.

The link between this object, a relic from his time in heaven, and his rather unique ability to stop time, suggests that Crowley was once an angel of great power.

What rank did he hold?

We saw Crowley return to Heaven, in disguise, in S2 E6, with events hinting that he was once a very high-ranking angel:

So, we know for a fact he was above the level of Thrones and Dominions. So where does this place him on Heaven’s organisational chart? My analysis here is metatextual – I don’t think looking at external hierarchies of angels is that helpful to understanding the Good Omens universe, so I will only focus on what Neil Gaiman has confirmed when asked, or has been demonstrated within the world of the show itself.

Good Omens has its own Hierarchy of Heaven, but Neil Gaiman has clarified that the Archangels we see are amongst the most senior personnel in Heaven. This runs counter to many hierarchies of angels (which are often contradictory in and of themselves) but is consistent with the depiction in John Milton’s Paradise Lost as well as Jewish tradition, where the highest ranking Archangels are given the title of “princes” of heaven. “Prince of Heaven” is also a term that Metatron applies to Gabriel in S2 E6.

Of the heavenly entities mentioned in the show, we can infer the following angelic hierarchy:

God

Metatron (NG confirms here)

Supreme Archangel (Gabriel, now Aziraphale)

Other Archangels (Michael, Uriel, Sandalphon, in that order – See NG here)

Cherubim (Aziraphale at the Garden of Eden, when he was the Angel of the Eastern Gate –NG Confirms here)

Thrones & Dominions

Principalities(?) (Aziraphale after the Garden of Eden – NG doesn’t state if this is a promotion or demotion, but it feels very demotion-y)

Other lower-ranking angels (As a Principality, Aziraphale was supposed to lead a platoon of angels into battle in S1 – so there must be many levels below him – see NG here)

Scrivners (Muriel and the level Gabriel would have been demoted to. Appears to be the lowest rank in Heaven, suggested by NG here)

There are likely many other levels in-between these that have not yet been mentioned onscreen. Saraqael, for example, seems lower down than an Archangel (addressing Michel and Uriel as “your beatitudes” before approaching them in Episode 1), but above Aziraphale. You’ll notice Seraphim aren’t in this list, because they’ve not been mentioned on screen – but I suspect they do exist in this universe and are a class below Archangels but above Cherubim.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that Crowley was an Archangel, but confirms pretty explicitly that he was once near the top.

So who was he?

Neil Gaiman has stated that his name when he was an angel was not Crowley/Crawley, and the first scene of Season 2 sees a bit of redirection when Aziraphale tries to get angel-Crowley’s name:

This is quite deliberate, and sets up his name as something important to be revealed later. However, I can’t see why his name would matter to the narrative, unless it’s something recognisable from biblical canon – or, that it’s not necessarily his name, but his rank as an angel that was important.

There are numerous pointed references throughout Season 2 to Archangels, in such a way that feels like the show is setting up for this to be revealed in the future. The misdirection about Angel-Crowley’s name may have been because Aziraphale was likely to have recognised the name of an Archangel.

More than this, I personally do think, that before his fall Crowley wasn’t just any old Archangel, but the Supreme Archangel. This is based on the following 7 points (you know God likes sevens):

The very deliberate way the camera pans to Crowley’s impassive face after Gabriel says “I’m the only first-order Archangel in the room or, you know, the universe.”

2. Metatron’s statement, “For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice, makes it look like there is some kind of institutional problem.”

While it’s quite clear that we’re supposed to associate this line with Lucifer himself (and yes, I know NG confirms that's who this was alluding to!), it’s interesting that ‘Prince of Heaven’ is a title associated with Archangels in Jewish tradition and very specifically with Gabriel on screen in the universe of the series. That Jimbriel also repeats this line to Crowley in the bookshop specifically feels significant...

3. Crowley also recognises Metatron in the bookshop, where no other Archangel does. Metatron deliberately avoids using his name in this scene, calling him ‘demon’. Which is not inaccurate, but may suggest the Metatron remembers Crowley’s angelic name. It may also explain Metatron’s very dark look at Crowley as he exited the shop – the two of them have some history.

4. It’s never stated explicitly that Gabriel hasn’t always been the Supreme Archangel since the beginning, but there’s enough vagueness in the text to guess at this. When Michael and Uriel are discussing what to do in Gabriel’s absence, Michael and Uriel have this exchange:

M:There is, of course, no question of replacing the supreme archangel. I am the Archangel Michael, you are the Archangel Uriel. U: We aren't in charge. Right now, as of this moment, Heaven does not have a supreme archangel. M: There is always a supreme archangel.

“There is always a Supreme Archangel!” not “Gabriel has always been the Supreme Archangel!” According to some traditions, the Supreme Archangel was the first angel ever created, which would support Michael’s statement: There is always, and there always has been, a Supreme Archangel, since the time of creation. It’s possible that someone else held this role pre-Fall, and Gabriel was appointed as successor after the War in Heaven.

5. The way the other Archangels behave around him. There’s a wariness, but also a strange deference. On being discovered by Saraqael in heaven, they don’t immediately throw him out, but let him watch Gabriel’s trial – even ordering Muriel to show him it. Michael and Uriel then follow him back to Earth without much fuss, giving him quite a look, while Crowley seems to be enjoying himself:

(This also feeds into why I think Crowley looked so different during the Job segment. He knew he might encounter a few Archangels he’s not seen for a thousand years or so, and so appears in disguise.) 6. The lightening! I’ve seen someone point out that Crowley’s electric temper tantrum in S2E1 mirrors the lightening used by Gabriel to travel to Earth in S1E6. This could be a coincidence of VFX, or it could be a Clue.

7. That last conversation between Aziraphale and Crowley:

A: I don't think you understand what I'm offering you. C: I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do.

That’s such a weighted statement, and could be interpreted in so many ways. But, viewed in this light, it sounds like a warning from a former angel who used to be very high up in Heaven indeed – and has absolutely no desire to return there.

Why does any of this matter?

Obviously just theorising here…

The story is setting us up for a reveal here – Crowley’s status as an angel, and who he was before the Fall is clearly going to factor into Season 3 in some way. Why tease us with it so much and so often if it’s not important?

In terms of the narrative, a powerful revelation would be that Crowley used to have Aziraphale’s new job. That it led him to asking questions about the Almighty’s plan and then, ultimately, falling. And that the Supreme Archangel, for one reason for another, eventually turns against Heaven – it happened to Crowley, to Gabriel (after a few thousand years), and then will have to happen to Aziraphale too.

I could be way off here, but at some point the show needs to explain why Crowley is so different from other demons and has powers that no other demon or angel seems to possess. A reveal that he was once very, very senior in the organisation of Heaven, before asking too many questions and being cast out, would serve as a explanation and be a meaningful development to the narrative of Season 3.

I don’t think we’ll necessarily get a name (because we don’t need one) – but I do think we will get a rank or some idea about who he used to be, and that’s what’s going to be significant. TLDR: Supreme Archangel Crowley!?

#good omens theories #good omens theory #good omens season 2 #crowley #archangel crowley #go2 #good omens spoilers

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peachesofteal · 6 months

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hi Peach IM BACK and i CANNOT get the cramps fic from dead disco au out of my head. like i need to know what happens after she slammed the door? like did they continue knocking? were they able to persuadr her to open the door and go to the hospital? did she let them back in? did she let them be at the birth? was she gonna keep bee or give it to simon and johnny? DEAD DISCO BRAINROT

🖤🖤 Takes place after this.

18+ mdni / baby trap au / twisty themes, angst, reader is pregnant, in labor.

"Darling, open the door." Simon calls, trying not to yell but still be loud enough to hear, no idea if you're even listening, or if you could hear him. He can't stop thinking about the look on your face, twisted in pain, panicked.

Something is wrong. Something is wrong, or you're in labor. And that has to be wrong, because if you're in labor, then you need to be in hospital.

"Darling, please. We want to help ye." Johnny tries. His voice breaks, and Simon closes his eyes, steeling himself against the pain there, the pain that he's inflicted on all of you, the misery and agony that has been their lives for the past six months. "We're not leavin!" He insists. Simon casually looks up and down the hallway, looking to see if anyone is around. He could, in theory, break the door down. He could force entry, even if he doesn't want to, if it's for your own good, he-

The lock clicks. Johnny darts for the handle, pushing the door open just enough to see that you're standing on the other side, a bag in one hand, the other laying flat against your belly. Your eyes are red, clearly distressed, and you look exhausted, and in pain, and all he wants to do is pull you into him and never let you go.

"Oh, darling." It's soft, and you shake your head.

"I only opened up because I knew you'd try to get in anyway." you hiss, stepping through the doorframe. He can't fault your logic there.

"What's goin' on?" Johnny tries, watching your hand shake as you put the key into the lock. "Talk to us."

"I think-" Your words grind to a stop, and you swallow like you might vomit before continuing. "My water broke. I'm in labor."

Many things happen at once. Johnny starts asking too many questions- when is your due date, how are you feeling, where is your doctor, did you call a cab, do you have a birthplan- as you stare at him, gobsmacked, and clearly stressed. Simon's heart free falls through his body, a million emotions ransacking his brain. Love. Happiness. Sadness. Fear. Anxiety. Anger, at himself. But one thing, one sentiment rings out over everything, it's truth written as plain as day across your face, panic sinking into your features as you try to process Johnny's questions. You need them. You need help.

"Johnny." Simon cuts him off, and and grinds to a halt, nodding in self awareness. You take a deep breath.

"I need to get to the hospital." You grit out. "But I don't want to call 999 because I don't need an ambulance. My contractions are still far enough apart." you insist, leveling them both with a hard stare.

"Would you like us to help you?" Simon asks gently, not trying to push. He knows, you'll come on your own. You would not have opened the door otherwise.

"I don't forgive you." You tell them both, looking them in the eyes. "But I- I don't think I can do this on my own. I- Ahh!" You yell this time, dropping your bag and almost kneeling until Johnny gets an arm around you, supporting your weight with his own.

"Okay, alright. We've got ye." Simon punches in the hospital address for the car as they both lead you down the stairs. Your building doesn't even have a working elevator, and he tries not to feel sick when he thinks about you walking up and down these flights every day with your belly and worse, with the baby in the future.

When they get you out the front door and into the car, Simon dials your doctor, who assures him you've already called. She asks him to time your contractions, and when he says they're about fifteen minutes apart, she gives him instruction before chastising him for not calling 999.

"Your doctor is there, and they'll be waiting to get you all checked in." He tries to reassure you, but you're so tense, locked up tight, he grimaces. "Darling?"

"What?" you grunt, closing your eyes.

"Are you breathing?" You're not. And when you realize, you let out a huge gulp of air, and slump in the seat.

You burst into tears a second later. Johnny is stricken.

"Hey, hey." He tries. "It's alright. We're on our way, everything is going to be okay."

"I'm ss-scared." you sob, and he nods sympathetically.

"I know darling, I know. But yer strong, ye can do this."

"I can't." you cry louder, and the driver looks at you in the mirror with concern before Simon glares at him and he jumps his eyes back to the road. "And it fuckin' hurts. What if it's too late to get the drugs? What if something goes wrong? I don't know how to be a mum, I don't even know how-"

"Darling." He can't do this. He can't watch you fall apart like this, in this mess that he created. He has to take control of this situation. "Look at me." You blink up at him with wet lashes, so sweet and sad, and he wants to kiss each tear from your face. "You can do this. No matter what happens, you are strong, you're a fighter, and you're going to be okay, alright?" Your lips part, and he can see your brain turning, mind working you into something a little more malleable.

"Okay." you sniffle, and then lean a little to the side. Your head tips back against his shoulder, and at the same time, you reach for Johnny's hand, squeezing it tight and tugging him closer, like you're trying to hold onto his entire arm. "Oh fuck." You groan.

"Contraction?" Johnny asks and you nod miserably.

"Deep breaths." Simon murmurs into your scalp. "In through your nose, just like that, good girl."

#peaches asks #tw pregnancy #baby trap au #ghost x soap x reader #sluttywaistenthusiast

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roo-bastmoon · 7 months

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So privacy has been violated OR...

... a smear campaign has begun.

Let's just get this new dating scandal out of the way so we can get back to buying and streaming...

Listen, I don't share unofficial content, but by now everyone in this tag knows there's a video going around that's supposed to be of JK in his apartment with Bam, walking around back-hugging and perhaps kissing a girl. Folks say there's the same couch, same wall panel, and a mood lamp.

I'm side-eyeing this because it's super grainy footage, the windows are different, the wall panel seems to be in different places in the two videos, the guy is shorter than the girl, and he's wearing a mask indoors. Plus, the account that dropped the videos supposedly posted then promptly closed up shop, which seems like they had the intention for deliberate sabotage instead of clout chasing as a sasaeng.

But people say the apartment set up seems really similar and the man has a similar hairstyle to what JK had in the beginning of 2023. So I guess it's Schrodinger's cat at this point.

(Isn't it curious that apartment-related scandals seem to happen on the day new content drops? Hmm... I digress.)

Look... If Jungkook (or Jimin) ends up dating someone else, I'm still going to support them as individuals. I'll be sad of course, because Jikook had AMAZING chemistry and I was really rooting for them to be together forever and all... but, I want them to be happy and fulfilled more than I want them to fit into any fantasy or ideas of my own.

That being said: at this very moment, half of Jimin's insta feed is about Jungkook. Most of Jungkook's lives for 2023 have JK mentioning Jimin, or even being totally focused on Jimin. There's years of super duper sus history between them. Right up to and including yesterday, where Jimin very heavily implied they are sharing Chuseok together.

It feels really weird to me that Jimin would want to tie JK's hair back neatly, call JK baby, beg JK to stay longer at his rehearsal, and joke that he can handle seeing JK naked -- but JK can't come over to shower and visit b/c Jimin says he just isn't that easy... if JK were in a relationship with someone else.

It also feels really weird to me that JK would light up like a super nova any time Jimin commented on his lives, would beg Jimin to hang out, would sing all of Jimin's songs and memorize Jimin's interview content, would travel with Jimin for his debut, then roll around naked in bed grinning and blushing while flirting with Jimin on live... if JK were in a relationship with someone else.

That would make Jungkook kind of a shitty boyfriend and Jimin kind of a shitty friend.

I know Jungkook is cultivating this cool guy/ladies man image right now and that is kinda baffling. I know friends can play-flirt, too... but to do all that on lives, after all their history together, knowing what half of Korea and ARMY thinks? Hm.

That's not "fanservice;" that's really toeing the line of queerbaiting. And it's really hard for me to imagine Jimin or Jungkook doing something like that. Jimin said he hates fake bromance stuff. (I guess anything is possible. It's a new chapter, after all. Maybe it's par for the course in idol-world.)

Hey, maybe Jikook had an amicable break up but are still really close and are fine teasing each other? Maybe they always liked to flirt but never were together? Maybe I've been reading it all wrong this whole time? Or maybe this is a bullshit video?

Whatever the reality is, I'm prepared to acknowledge it. At any time.

I'm not in a cult. I don't have to convince myself of anything. Jikook's behavior had made me think Jikook were in a relationship. If JK is dating someone else now? Okay then. I will just stop posting Jikook content and continue to help OT7 and celebrate my bias with all my heart.

No need for elaborate conspiracy theories or coping histrionics. If JK is in his Loving Women Era, good for him. Go with god, my brother. (Personally, I'd never recover from losing my chance to be with Thee Park Jimin, but that's me!)

But something about this just doesn't quite feel right. I wonder if he'll address it at all, like he did when folks filmed him in his gym or sent food to his home? Because if this is somehow real, it's a HORRIBLE invasion of privacy; home is supposed to be a safe place, and stalkers are scary.

And if it's not real, then someone is going to an AWFUL lot of trouble to overshadow Jungkook's release and upcoming album and that is unhinged. The kind of trouble that reminds me of apartment break-ins and tampered mail.

In any case, like I said: I'm ready to accept whatever the reality is, once the reality becomes clear.

I really love Jungkook. I really love Jimin. I really love BTS. They were there for me at the darkest, lowest point in my life. So whether I was right or wrong about Jikook, it doesn't really matter. In the end, I support them as far as I can.

But also, I sorta think this video may just be bullshit. So let's let them have their privacy, and focus instead on voting for Jimin and buying and streaming for JK instead, hmm? Eventually the truth will come to light.

No matter what happens, let's behave in a way that would make Jimin and Jungkook proud.

Love, Roo

#jikook #koomin

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vam1mav · 10 days

Text

|| THEORY TIMEEE ||

|| This thing is Izuku's quirk and it is not Shigaraki ||

|| Ok, you're going to call me crazy BUT THINK ABOUT IT, if Izuku DID have a quirk but Afo took it from him when he was very young (baby), we don't know how the quirk is going to form on its own, Afo has only stolen quirks from older people or children who already They had been handling their quirks for a while (Not counting Shigaraki of course, besides we don't see his quirk either), we have NEVER seen what a quirk looks like that was separated from its owner after (or before) being unlocked, I also theorized that if Dada For One stole Izuku's quirk and has always been with him, that was just Until the recent chapters ||

|| Although of course, it could also be that afo only stole a part of the quirk. example: maybe he only stole the part of the quirk that allows Izuku to give quirks and only left him the part that allows him to steal them or vice versa. ||

|| And you My Dear Tumblr Reader will wonder: "And why would Afo only steal that part of Izuku's Quirk and not the whole Quirk?" ||

|| Well... ||

|| The last time a family member of his wanted to use their quirk, it didn't go very well. ||

|| If Afo loves Izuku the way he loved his brother, he probably didn't want this to happen again, and I'm starting to think that Izuku, for being in contact with One For All and All For One for so long, his quirk began to find a way to slowly return towards his owner ||

((BESIDES WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK ALL MIGHT GOT THE INFORMATION THAT "IF A CARRIER OF THE ONE FOR ALL HAS A WEAK BODY AND TRYES TO USE IT, IT COULD EXPLODE"????))

// Edit //

((This is the scene I'm talking about by the way-))

#yoichi shigaraki #shigaraki yoichi #dad for one #mha dfo #bnha dad for one #all for one is hisashi #dfo theory #dad for one theory #deku #my hero academia #mha deku

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henrioo · 24 days

Note

Hey! Could I please request some fluffy scenarios about Shanks X Male and Mihawk X Male Reader (separately if that's okay) who's love languages are physical touch and quality time, but is also struggling with anxiety? Sorry for going on anon, this is my first time ever requesting and I'm a little nervous lol

°•*⁀➷ TOO MUCH LOVE, TOO MANY THOUGHTS : SHANKS AND MIHAWK

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : You love your partners, you really do, but sometimes those voices inside you gain control over your body, making you withdraw into your own fears and feelings. Good for you that your partners won't give up on having you by their side.

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ : MALE! READER, M! READER, NOT POLY! The reader can be Trans or Cis, talking about homophobia but nothing happens, a lot of talk about insecurities in a romantic relationship, talk about anxiety and fear

꒰ WC ꒱ : 2,4k at all, 1k for Shanks and 1,4 for Mihawk

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : Hey thanks for this request! It had been some months and I don't have any idea if you are still there but anyway thanks for that, that request is part of the first ask I received when I opened for male reader so this means a lot to me. The ask doesn't talk too much about the insecurities of the reader because I wanted that you guys could imagine your own, here talk more about how they would handle and help you. Enjoy!

★彡 Shanks

It may not seem like it, but the redhead is a master at reading people, all it takes is a few nervous glances and body language and he knows exactly what the problem is.

However, while he knows what the problem is, he is not that good at knowing the best solution for it. Part of him just wants to grab you and say "stop with that and let's just kiss." Luckily he knows that not everyone works like him, so he is able to understand that you may have different limits and such a direct approach can make the situation worse and even push you away from him.

So, firstly, he tries to understand exactly why you are suffering from so much anxiety when it comes to spending time with him and having more physical touch. Are you ashamed or afraid of doing PDA because of prejudiced looks since you are both men? Are you afraid that he will reject you if you show this need for time and affection? Are you publicly ashamed of others? Regardless of what's going through your head, Shanks wants to understand so he can give you truer love.

When he has a little idea or some theories, which he will achieve after observing you a lot in various situations and talking to all the other men on the ship, he will try to talk to you. Of course he will never force you into anything, he just wants to try to understand and maybe ease this weight that you are carrying alone. Even if you just want to scream or ramble without knowing exactly how to express your feelings and anxiety, he wants to be there for you, to show that he is willing to listen to you, understand you, especially validate and support you. He wants you to see that he is there for you in every situation.

Whether you decide to speak or not, the outcome changes very little. The difference being that having talked to you, Shanks will be able to understand you more easily, thus being able to make fewer mistakes in his attempts to help you and make you more comfortable with everything. If you don't decide to talk, he will be forced to make several trials and errors on how to make the environment more favorable for you to feel comfortable and overcome your anxiety, so you can give in to your desires for physical touch and spend more time with him. quietly.

Since you may have anxiety about initiating contact, Shanks will do all the hard work for you. Which, let's be honest, isn't very difficult, the redhead adores you like a loyal servant to a god, he can't keep his hands off you. It may seem funny to others to see a pirate as strong as a stray puppy following you, especially when they discover that Shanks' lover is a man, but what can he do... He is a man completely in love with you .

It's not uncommon for him to go after you, but if he notices your difficulty in initiating contact, he'll go even more after his presence. Every time he is free on the ship he will come after you, suggesting that you play a game, have a snack, talk, dance, sleep, he never runs out of ideas knowing that coming up first with a goal can make you calmer since you will just need to go with the flow and not think about everything on your own.

With physical touch, the difference is that he will pay extra attention to your comfort, it is normal that every time you are on land he is glued to your side. Holding hands or a hand around his waist practically hugging you, he just doesn't want to let go of you. In bars or any other establishment he would like to sit next to you, he would never put you on his lap, wishing that this choice came from you first. Shanks doesn't want you to feel humiliated or insulted by him wanting you on his lap, especially if you're nervous about showing affection publicly because you're both men.

But that doesn't stop him from having some physical contact, when his hand isn't occupied he'll put it on your thigh or your hand on the table, if he's drinking he'll leave his foot close to yours or even leave his foot close to yours. His leg pressed against yours. Even if it's small touches, he wants to show you that he wants to touch you just as much as you want to touch him. On the ship things are easier, he can simply hide the two of you in your shared room, thus avoiding the teasing of your crewmates and also having a little more privacy.

In the end he will just try to demonstrate that he wants your touch and attention as much as you do. He knows that actions can be stronger than words and he firmly believes that, so he will always be by your side to show you that he would never turn down spending time with you or having a make-out session. You are his boyfriend, after all! The man he loves and would do anything to see smile, he could never get tired of you.

Shanks' greatest happiness will be seeing you slowly loosen up and work on your anxiety better. When you start spending time together or touching, he will be celebrating inside. In the end, he just wants your attention and for you to show how much you love him, so he will never refuse if you want to spend time together. And even if it takes a while, even if you don't touch him for months, even if you need to talk a lot until you feel more confident, he doesn't mind at all. You are the one he loves and he would do anything for you, no effort is too much, you are worth everything he has to face and suffer, and he will accept it with a smile on his face.

If you think Shanks is easy to notice his difficulties then it only takes Mihawk an instant to notice something wrong. The difference is that the redhead will consider that some of the reasons for your anxiety could be external stimuli such as other people, reputation, shame or fear... Mihawk is a little more insecure at this point.

★彡Mihawk

His early theories for your anxiety and difficulty having quality time and physical touch with him is that the culprit is, well... Him. Are you no longer in love with him? Don't you feel comfortable? Not attracted? Is he not that interesting of a person to spend time with or is he not good at physical touch? It doesn't matter, he would initially think that it must be something he did that caused his estrangement.

He would have a few moments alone to consider everything, perhaps you no longer enjoy being in that castle without anyone's company but his. When he manages to calm his mind and open himself to any possibility, whether good or bad, he finally decides to talk to you. Luckily, Mihawk is extremely verbally expressive and is very good at communicating, so even if you were just rambling and getting lost in your own words, he will be able to understand you or even help you with how to express yourself better.

The conversation may seem a little suffocating due to Mihawk's firm gaze, but you've been his lover for long enough that he only pays attention to you like that. Furthermore, you can see a worried touch and even a loving look if you pay close attention to the way he looks at you.

Other than that, he is extremely patient with you, he will listen to you for as long as necessary and will only speak if you allow it and feel comfortable discussing it at that moment. Then he will try to analyze the entire situation to better understand your fears, insecurity, anything that is making you anxious and pushing you away from him. He will never judge any of your motives or tell you they are silly, no matter if you were just shy, if you were nervous about appearing clingy, if you were too nervous about his beauty? It doesn't make any difference why, if it bothers you in some way, then it's totally important and valid for him.

And just as he doesn't care about the reasons, he also doesn't care about the solutions to help you with your problems. He loves you with all the depth and loyalty he could have, so he is also willing to give his blood and sweat for the good of your relationship. For Mihawk it's more than fair for both lovers to make an effort, especially when one of them is in trouble, so not for a second does he think of you or this whole situation as a burden. He loves you and you love him, you are partners, you are the man he chose to spend the rest of his life with, if he doesn't make the slightest effort in trying to keep the relationship on good terms then he doesn't deserve you. That's why he will always do his best.

After that he will try to make everything easier for you, he might give you a few peaceful days without looking for contact, wanting you to breathe before facing your problems. After that he will begin his plan to slowly make you approach him again and feel comfortable coming to him whenever you want... And well, maybe he will be much happier when he can finally touch you again and spend time with you. , it may not seem like it, but Mihawk also really wants your company and the idea of being without it makes him extremely moody.

He will initially try to recapture the moments together, quality time is easier for Mihawk and he thinks that starting with that is the best way for the two of you to get closer again, after all you wouldn't be forced into any touching if you weren't already completely safe. Then he will reminisce about some of the activities you used to enjoy doing together, be it reading in each other's company during a calm evening, the sound of the fireplace and the birds outside providing a more peaceful environment for you to relax your mind and let go of the anxiety. go away. He will also invite you to garden together. If you don't like getting dirty he will just talk to you and ask for your help. That doesn't make you put your hands in the dirt. However, if you like it, he will be very happy to teach you or listen to his teachings. He will work in the garden while you talk about where you could use those vegetables. If you want, he can also help you make a flower garden or plant anything else you like.

He will also love your company in the kitchen, he may use the excuse of testing new recipes to include you more, maybe he will even try to make something that you like to eat from another island. If you cook, like it or want to learn, he doesn't mind your help either, as long as you are happy and coming out of your shell, forgetting your anxiety and allowing yourself to be comfortable and doing what you love again, he is satisfied. Also, he may start trying to initiate physical touches, if you are a swordsman he will love some sparring sessions with you, although he won't go easy on you. After all, you are a man and a worthy opponent, you can notice that his movements are much more sensual and loving, it is as if he is trying to seduce you, win you over again and using all his body language in favor of this.

If you don't fight or don't want to learn, although Mihawk would love to teach you, he can still think of other activities with physical touch. His favorite is dancing. You will find him the most patient and dedicated partner possible, if you understand dancing he will even let you guide, moving and handling his body as you wish. Furthermore, he could even go into activities outside of his standard if that could help him relax and be calmer with touch. Trying on clothes? You have Dracule's entire wardrobe at your disposal, luckily you are both men so this part is easier. Messing with hair? Of course, go ahead and touch his black hair, if you have longer hair he will enjoy learning how to style it or take care of it.

Other than that, once he notices you getting more comfortable, he'll go back to the subtle physical touches. Mihawk is not the type of lover who devours you in public, but you will always find his hand on your back, either guiding you or just making it clear that he is there. He will also offer his hand to help you get up or down from places, a hand on your shoulder or arm if you are in a situation where he wants to make it obvious that he has you and that he won't let anything bad happen.

He doesn't like more sensual touches in public, so in the privacy of four walls you will have more of that, light touches on your neck or your thigh, but they still won't be perverted touches, just a more romantic and deep touch, something he wants to keep for your eyes only.

Mihawk is a lover who is slower to deal with his anxiety, he in no way wants you to feel pressured, so he will wait with open arms when you are ready to regain intimacy. He'd also hate for you to feel like you're obligated to have this kind of intimacy with him, so he also doesn't mind if you don't like the closeness. In the end the truth is just unique, in Mihawk's eyes you are the perfect man, if you don't like so much intimacy and touching he is satisfied with that, if you like touching and want to be with him 24/7 he will too be more than satisfied. He needs you, everything you give him will be a gift. Therefore, even though he seems like a stoic and even cold man, Mihawk would never deny or be ashamed of your touch, you are the only one who can do whatever you want and he will never be bothered by it.

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crucipuzzled · 1 year

Text

About Loid Forger's therapy in SxF manga chapter 77 (Spoilers ahead)

There's a Freudian text for everything. Today's all about The Question of Lay Analysis (1926), also known as Wild Analysis.

Endo did what I have been planning to do for a comic of my own: depict Loid actually working as a Psychiatrist. While I'm glad he took this path, sadly I can't say he did a good job on it.

As some of you know, I'm a therapist grounded in Psychoanalitic Theory. Yes, I like Freud and Lacan, and no, Oedipus Complex is not what you heard it is. I did a brief analysis of Psychiatry stuff in SxF in the past, and today I feel compelled to repeat that exercise.

Let's go in order.

1. The importance of being a third party

What's the reason for which people ask a therapist for help, and not their families or friends? What do we have that they don't?

The answer is pretty simple: neutrality. We don't have a side other than rationality and ethics. A good therapist should be able to listen to his patient without losing objectivity.

When you and your patient have a shared, unique shared experience, it's preferable, even ethical, to refer him to another therapist, in order to preserve the higher interest of the patient. The more neutrality you can muster, the better for the curing process. Otherwise, it's really hard to listen to someone else without being constantly reminded of yourself. It turns into a blind spot.

Now, there are exceptions to this rule, but you must handle them carefully, and always putting the patient at the center. Loid openly talking here about how close he is to the hijacking incident doesn't help much.

In short, you have to ensure that your position in the therapeutic process remains an impartial, neutral Other, and avoid becoming a fellow. It's good to create trust, but not too much, just enough to work.

2. Chronic condition (?)

The biggest difference between a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist is that the first went to Med School. Hence, chronicity is a term that applies mostly for organic conditions, but it's rare in the field of subjectivity.

In my short experience, I've met cases labeled as "chronic depression" being cured. I, myself, cured a case of "compulsive suicide attempts since 15 years old, chronic depression, started hearing evil voices 2 weeks ago". You might think that I'm a great therapist, but it's not the case; it's just that, in order to tackle subjective problems, you ought to go to the root of the symptoms and deal with the subjectivity you find there. Psychoanalitic therapy has proven to be wonderful to treat many conditions that didn't get a cure in other types of psychotherapy.

Of course, it's not a panacea. There are things that we can't figure out yet. But bear in mind that chronicity, in the field of the mind, is more complex than just the passage of time and only a bunch of mental conditions truly admit it.

Jacques Lacan, the most important psychoanalist after Freud, said that the unconscious's track of time is not chronological, but logical. You don't just jump out of adolescence because you turned 18; other things need to happen for you to finally feel like an adult. It's a logical progression. The same can be said about some "chronic" conditions.

3. Explicit Reason of Consultation vs Latent Reason of Consultation

A.K.A Everybody lies.

Psychotherapy is a really weird thing to learn and master. In Psychology School they teach you that you must trust what your patient tells you, but at the same time, distrust him enough. How to conceal both things?

Well, everything is easier when you take Dr. House's words to heart.

Everyone states a reason for consultation, but that first reason is never the real reason, no matter how reasonable it might sound. The trick to discern what the latent, real reason for consultation is, is to determine what the subjective conflict hiding in plain sight is. Sometimes there isn't any and therefore, a full psychotherapy is not necessary (maybe just assisting someone with some things, being there just in case, etc), but most cases are built upon a conflict.

I'm glad that Loid here decided to act like a good Psychiatrist and took a mental note on the oddities.

WELL SAID MY BOY, I'M PROUD OF YOU

I want to remark this, because it's discouraging how many therapists oversee this to simplify their job to an extreme. Believe it or not, there are therapists out there that act upon what their patients tell them first. "Hi doc. I came here today because I got an accident and I think I have PTSD". "Ok, I'll have you practice these mindfulness excercises and you should be ok within a month, see ya". DUDE.

4. The place of truth in the context of Psychotherapy

Ah, the classic temptation of knowing the 'real' truth. Is this patient in front of me bullshitting his way out? Is he in a delirium? Is she telling the truth, or just embellishing her story to make it more believable?

You don't have this struggle once you are certain of your role as a psychotherapist. And your role is to help your patients to deal with their subjective struggles.

In short: Psychoterapy deals with the patient's truth, not with the 'real' truth.

You know who deals with 'real' truth in the field of Mental Health? Social Workers.

We psychotherapists don't need to ascertain our patient's claims. Confronting them with reality usually proves to be fruitless, just like Loid did here ("But you're a respected educator!"). It's way more useful to open the topic by asking more questions such as "How did you reach that conclussion?" "What made you think that way?", or giving a specular answer ("You speak like someone else said that about you", "You're too hard with yourself. Where does that come from?", "It sounds like you're belittling your fear for what your wife could say", etc etc etc).

Whenever you're with a neurotic patient, their own personal truth is the only truth you need to work with. Leave the 'real' truth for people who actually needs it, like Social Workers, Doctors or Judges. Your role with a patient is to make sure that his personal truth can turn into something less painful. No need to talk with their friends and family for info, unless your patient is a child or a teenager; just ask him and stick to what he says word by word.

There's a huge topic about the place of reality in therapy, specially in the field of Psychoanalysis, but if I start this train of thought I'm afraid I'll go down to Hell. If you're interested, I've reblogged some Lacanian pills on this Tumblr, check them out by searching the tag #lacan.

PS: NO LOID, DON'T DO THAT. DON'T BREAK THE TRUST YOU ACHIEVED WITH MR AUSTIN! CONFIDENTIALITY IS A MUST!!

5. Counceling = Psychotherapy?

Loid is a (fake) Psychiatrist, not a psychotherapist, so I can't be too hard on him. Also I stan this man. I'm painfully well aware that councelling and coaching is an alternative to psychotherapy in other parts of the world, mostly in the US. But let's not forget one thing:

Psychotherapists DON'T GIVE ADVICES.

At least, not the ones that take this job seriously.

Everyone can give advices. Do you want an advice? Ask your family or friends, or post something in social media, or ask a complete stranger in the street what to do. You'll get plenty of answers and advices. Maybe a bunch of them will be really useful. Good!

The thing with advices is that: -They act like a universal recipe for a problem -There's no universal recipe to sort a problem -They don't tackle the subjective root of a problem -They assume that the problem can be solved by something you can do upon your surroundings, when the real struggle stems from subjective problems Some advices do help with real struggles, but when you have a subjective conflict, they barely help; hell, sometimes they make everything worse.

Like Loid here.

Remember when I mentioned that the unconscious mind's track of time is not chronological, but logical? This is a great example. Mr Austin won't be able to properly talk with his wife just because Loid adviced him to; he must solve other issues before that.

I'm glad we're on the same page on this one

6. Your therapist is not your friend

Sad but true.

If your therapist is good enough, you won't know many things about his private life. You won't know about his lover, his hobbies, where does he live, what does he fear.

Why the secretism? Because it's useless for the patient. Also because disclosing personal information has the effect of becoming a model for the patient, who would start to imitate you. And finally, because you need to mantain a semblance of neutrality and not getting emotionally close with the patient more than necessary.

PS: It's kinda cute how aware Loid is about Yor's every movement. Kinda. KISS HER ALREADY, GODDAMNIT

7. Talking cure and (how not to use) the divan

I talked a bit about divans here.

There, I mentioned that you should NEVER PUT A PSYCHOTIC PATIENT IN A DIVAN. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE. Well, we can amplify this rule a bit and say that you should avoid the divan with any patient that has a risk of getting seriously upset, like in severe trauma.

The divan is not the only thing that could play against you if badly used. There are cases in Psychiatric Hospitals of patients getting upset because their therapists used the same clothes and hairstyle every single day for months. The point here is that, with psychotic patients and fragile psychic structures (like what happens in traumatized people), you can't use methods that require too much projection.

Also, Lottie here is not performing a Talking Cure.

The divan has been used since Freud to facilitate transference through the Free Association Method. You lay down on it and your therapist ask for whatever crosses your mind first. You don't put a content there beforehand.

(On the same line, if you're a therapist, please refrain from decorating your consultation room with motivational phrases. You're putting words in your patient's mouth before he even starts to speak)

So, it's useless to make Mr Austin lay down on a divan, only to ask him to remember a specific memory. I'd advice (Ha! The irony!) against using the divan here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To finish my Two Cents, I'd like to point some positive aspects of this chapter. It's nice that a troubled person decides to seek for help. There's still a huge stigma about men requiring mental health help, and it's a nice example to settle to portray one actually going to a Psychiatrist. Men usually struggle with their problems alone and they have it rough.

It's also nice that, in the end, Loid could help his patient. I wonder how (How?!), but it probably means that, at some point of the process, he changed his methods for the better.

And yes. Sometimes, helping one single person can change many lives. I'm honored to be able to attest to that :D

As everyone, I'd expect the logical sucession of events that could follow this chapter: Loid realizing he's got a heck of a wife compared to other marriages, appreciating Yor more, and giving us heavy smut cute TwiYor moments. But Endo has proven to be an author that doesn't like to follow logic. So, let's brace for whatever will come in two weeks.

Thank you for reading!

#spy x family #loid forger #psychiatry #psychoanalysis #sigmund freud #jacques lacan #psychotherapy #spy x family manga #sxf

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inbabylontheywept · 10 months

Text

"Yeah, sure, and I shit thermite. Be serious."

So. Maybe, he’d gone a little overboard after work that day. He’d admit that. Drinking the sad away wasn’t the most mature way to handle things, but when you got a letter from your dad saying-

Well saying that, you know, maybe it was okay to have a beer or two. In theory. In practice, that meant that two-beers-deep Earl had to somehow have enough willpower to say “naw, I don’t wanna become three-beers-deep Earl,” and then three-beers-deep Earl’s gotta say no to four-beers-deep Earl, and it’s just a bit of a shitshow from there.

Pardon the french.

At least he wasn’t on the clock. The worst thing that should’ve happened to him was waking up tomorrow with a fatass headache and upset friends. Instead, he was in the hospital, surrounded by men with guns, osmotically absorbing the most surreal conversation of his life.

“We’d heard that humans had remarkable healing abilities but this is incredible. Anyone else here would be dead, he’s just showing some signs of esophageal irritation.”

“We got any idea of the culprit?”

“We’re looking over security footage but the culprit must be some kind of ghost. We’ve gone over the security footage at least twenty times, nobody can spot a thing.”

Earl couldn’t help it. He spoke.

“What are you talking about?”

The detective and the doctor jumped at the sound of his voice.

“What the shit-

The doc’s hand went over the detective's mouth, cutting off the oath just a hair too late. The duo looked after each other, before the detective gestured for the doctor to go first.

“I… don’t have very much experience with humans. We thought it’d be a couple of days at least before you woke up. How are you feeling?”

Earl coughed a few times.

“Throat’s raw, head’s pounding, and would kill for anything fried in grease. Pretty standard hangover.”

The detective cut in at that.

“Eh, except for the part where someone poisoned you.”

Earl shrugged.

“Must not have been very good poison.”

The lawman didn't laugh.

“Hydrochloric acid mixed with potassium salts? You can bet your pink ass it’s a good poison. Anyone else here would be dying from a hole in their gut. You been making enemies on the station, colony-boy?”

Earl’s smart alec remark froze as his one semester of biology 101 clawed its way to the front of his brain.

“Oh.”

The detective clicked his pen, ready to start taking notes, even as Earl waved him off.

“No crime here doc, my stomach makes that stuff naturally.”

The doctor blinked even as the detective rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, and I shit thermite. Be serious pal, there’s someone here out to get you.”

Earl held his gaze, and after a few moments, the detective’s annoyed face transformed into numb confusion.

“...Hot damn, you aren’t joking. You’re telling me you can spew concentrated acid on a whim?”

The question hit a little close to him, and Earl felt his ears burn.

“Eh… not… on a whim. More like, after six or seven beers.”

The doctor grabbed a pad and began filling out forms of his own.

“Yeah, we’re gonna have to make sure you don’t do that then. You can’t just go around creating chemical waste every time you get sad. I’m going to have to get in contact with IT, set up some kind of cut off point with the cantina for you.”

Someone down the hall must’ve sanitized something because the odor of strong alcohol wafted into the room. It was all Earl could do to not empty his stomach a second time.

“Aye. That’s fair.”

#hfy #humanity fuck yeah #humans are space orcs #science fiction #creative writing #scifi #writing #humans can spit acid #advanced beer theory

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brf-rumortrackinganon · 2 months

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Breaking news: Catherine’s photo is now “unkilled” but with notation about the edits (the Express)? I need to schedule a chiropractic adjustment; I have whiplash. This nothingburger merely gained Catherine’s pic - which already had, what, over 50 mil views? - even more media attention! You can’t buy this kind of press! (Not that it’s KP/the Wales who are lusting after increased PR attention.)

PS: If the sm euphemism for “killed”/“died” is “unalived,” would the equivalent of “unkilled” be “un-unalived,” as in C’s pic is now “un-unalived”? Or would it simply revert to “alived”?

*****************

Exactly. IMO, they realized how badly they fucked this up and are now trying to walk it back.

While I don’t know what’s really behind why they’re walking it back and have “unkilled” the photo (and I haven’t really been following the developments closely), my theory is that they realized the wormhole they’ve opened and they’re trying to get that horse back in the barn. There’s now an expectation that they need to evaluate and scrutinize every single photo that enters the media for edits or photoshopping, and certain segments of the public will hold them accountable to it. After all, if you do that for the Prince and Princess of Wales, why can’t you do that for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex? The Kardashians? The Trumps? The {whover is the hot celeb of the moment}? The {whoever celeb in crisis/recovery PR mode}?

It’s like I said in my original post. This was going to backfire right from the get-go. It doesn’t matter which “side” you’re on or who you think is at fault; it’s backfiring on everyone:

The wire services who rushed to judgment. Now they have to re-evaluate their rules and processes for what qualifies as “too much” editing to be published and their position as a neutral media organization has been questioned.

The reporters who went all “off with their heads” to KP. Now they have to deal with an even-more-standoffish and press-averse Prince and Princess of Wales.

The Sussexes or an associate who tipped an AP source to look at the photo. Now they have to reckon with the Sussexes’ own media being scrutinized for edits.

KP who didn’t respond to the inquiries and questions as soon as they first started coming in. Now they have to deal with even more conspiracy theories.

Now, let’s say that there really were legitimate concerns by the press or the public about the photo being edited. What could they have done instead of going for the nuclear option? A couple of things immediately come to mind:

Privately reached out to KP to ask what was happening and not say anything until they responded. It was the weekend, and a holiday, of course they’re not going to respond immediately. And with the Oscars taking place, the photo would’ve been buried soon enough..

Put a community note or a disclaimer on your publication/posts of the photo explaining your concerns instead of blasting your listserv with “this is fake, take it down.”

Not done anything at all and handle it privately offline with the palace.

But everyone’s made their bed. Now they’ve got to lie in it. But will they?

Spoiler alert: They won’t.

#submission

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cheeseanonioncrisps · 2 months

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I get that Helluva Boss and Hazbin don't and aren't planned to have much overlap, and for the most part I appreciate that separation and the way that it makes the world seem that bit larger.

The one exception being this: I am convinced that Angel Dust and Fizzarolli are at least acquaintances, and quite possibly friends.

No, listen, hear me out.

Angel supposedly died in the forties. We don't know exactly when he was picked up by Valentino, but I think it's fair to assume he's been working in Hell's sex work/stripping/porn scene for at least a few decades before he joins the Hotel.

Fizz's backstory is obviously more detailed. We know that he was either born in the Pride Ring or came there at a very young age, because he was already working there as a circus performer when he was a kid.

By the time Helluva Boss starts, however, he's obviously moved on to operating primarily in the Greed and Lust rings, as Mammon's star performer and Asmodeus's boyfriend platonic PA who he occasionally has totally unemotional bang-sessions with.

In between these two points is the accident, which seems to have happened when Fizz was in his late teens. The last time he saw Blitz before that night in Ozzies.

So, here's where the only concrete canon 'evidence' for my theory kicks in: in Oops, Blitz claims that he and Fizz have “been in each other's relative vicinity twice in the last fifteen years” (referring to Ozzies and just now when they bumped into each other in Greed).

However in The-Mammon-Episode-With-Too-Long-A-Title, everyone can't stop talking about how Fizz has consistently won Mammon's clown pageant every time he's entered. For the past ten years.

That gives us five whole years of Fizz's life that are completely unaccounted for. We know that he started this period off in the Pride Ring with his circus destroyed and a brand-new permanent disability to get used to, and ended it in Greed working for Mammon, but we have no idea what happened in between.

So, here is where evidence ends and rampant speculation begins.

As a former child performer, Fizz is unlikely to have had much experience doing anything else. In fact, given that they were travelling with the circus, it seems unlikely that him and Blitz would even have ended up with a steady education.

Blitz obviously managed to found his own business after the accident, but Blitz had been dreaming of doing just that since he was a young child, and it was his Dad who was actually handling the business-side of the circus, so I don't think he's a fair comparison. Fizz probably spent his early years assuming he'd just keep performing forever, and so it makes sense that he'd go back to that.

On the other hand, Fizz had just lost all his limbs, and would have been having to adjust to his prosthetics. (Most likely lower quality prosthetics that he ended up with later, since those seem to be a gift from Ozzie.)

His clown act was mostly physical. Acrobatics require a sense of balance and spatial awareness. Balloon animals and juggling require fine motor control. Literally replacing all four of your limbs— even with magical Hell-prosthetics— is going to cause issues with all these skills, at least temporarily.

So. What industry in the Pride Ring is related to entertainment, but doesn't necessarily require any complex acrobatics, and would most likely welcome a fresh amputee with severe facial scarring? (For fetish reasons, if nothing else?)

I'm not saying Fizz would have done sex work, since he seems so uncomfortable with the idea, but stripping? Maybe doing some soft core porn? I could see that. He's clearly not too fussed about adult entertainment in general, because he's totally okay performing at Ozzies.

He's also probably insanely handsome by imp standards. Like, dude ends up becoming a major sex symbol throughout the rings and has the embodiment of Lust falling madly in love with him. (Plus, as a kid and teenager, he got more attention as a performer than Blitz— the guy who briefly dated a succubus pop-star and now has an ars-goetia prince begging him for a pity-fuck at every opportunity.)

So, given all that, and given his future success, it makes sense that he'd have been popular. Which immediately puts him in range of one of the Pride ring's other hugely popular adult performers: Angel Dust.

And I could see these two getting along. Since Angel is more of a sex worker whereas Fizz is more of a performer, and since Angel would probably be mainly catering to sinner demons and Fizz to hellborn (though no doubt there'd be some overlap), chances are they wouldn't be in direct competition with each other.

They have similar senses of humour and similar personalities. They both like small, cute animals. They both genuinely care about the quality of their performances, even in circumstances where they might not be expected to. They both have a tendency to mask their emotions with sex-related jokes.

Plus there's the fucking angst potential of Angel befriending Fizz when he was an independent performer, and then watching— helplessly— as his friend starts talking about this new job offer with Mammon.

Like people have already made posts about how Angel might feel watching Fizz's performance in Two Minutes Notice and comparing it to his own situation with Valentino, but fuck imagine it from the other end of Angel watching his friend fall into that situation.

Trying to talk him out of it during the initial love-bombing phase and getting told he's just jealous. Not even being able to visit Fizz when it all goes wrong because sinners aren't allowed to leave the Pride Ring.

Also, as a secondary detail, imagine Angel Dust finding out that his new friend's life-changing injuries were caused by Blitz, seemingly a pretty well-known figure in the Pride Ring.

Imagine Blitz finding out that Hell's most famous porn actor has genuine beef with him and having absolutely no idea why.

(Millie, Moxxie and Loona— based on the Verosika thing— all assume it was a bad breakup, despite Blitz insisting otherwise.)

#helluva boss #hazbin hotel #fizzarolli #angel dust #blitzø #mammon #valentino #hazbin hotel headcanons #helluva boss headcanons

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imminent-danger-came · 10 months

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MK Breaking his 1x01 Seal (I am insane)

Soooooooooooooo *twirls my hair and kicks my legs*.

I made this post like, a day ago, about a theory where the seal Wukong places on MK in 1x01 was broken in 4x07. The more I've been thinking about it, the more I think it might actually be the case, so here's a more in-depth post on it!

Let's start off with looking at how powerful MK starts off in 1x00 "A Hero is Born".

He's zipping around, he's punching the Demon Bull King with incredible force, and his final blow to DBK shifts the planets and cracks the earth:

This use of power is clearly uncontrolled. MK pretty much levels a good portion of megapolis, and in the next episode 1x01 Bad Weather, he needs a seal to be placed on his powers in order to function.

Now, we don't ever see MK that powerful again, not until after this moment in 4x07:

Between this and Sun Wukong's 1x09 comment when MK uses the staff to further destroy the mural—"Look kid, using that much power, your body can't handle it."—I'm thinking MK's seal in 1x01 also sealed away his monkey form, and that in 4x07 he broke that seal.

Bonus kinda scary MK shot:

Now, there are also these scenes in 4x13 during MK's fight with Azure:

There are a number of outer-space/world shots in this show, typically used at climactic points to show how overwhelming the battle is. In both 1x00 and 4x13, these shots are prompted by MK alone. The exception to this is 3x14 (and 3x11, more on that later), where everyone working together makes one giant magic circle to stop the Lady Bone Demon, engulfing the whole universe in light.

Next, we have the seals.

Now, it's very intriguing to me that these two seals are the same in design. The Chinese characters on both of course mean "seal", but the rim around them is also the exact same. It's a very interesting design choice, and something that could have easily been avoided had the intention been to not draw a connection between the flower fruit mountain seal and MK's seal.

(It could be that they wanted to keep Monkey King's seals consistent, however this is what the waterfall seal looks like in 1x00 and 2x01: )

(These are different, meaning the LMK team explicitly chose the seals from 1x01, 4x01, and "The Emperors Wrath" special to look the same.)

Here's what especially get's me: this same seal is used to seal away both MK's powers, and to seal away the powers of the Jade Emperor.

Mei with the Samadhi fire and Azure Lion with the Jade Emperor's power had both characters acting as containers for their world ending power source (here's that pesky 3x11 outer-space shot I mentioned):

Mei: "You mean—if I lost my cool on any of the million training exercises we've been doing, there was a chance I could have exploded and destroyed the whole universe?" Red Son: "Yes, that could have happened, but it didn't. My guess is that somehow your dragon ancestry has protected you. And if your strong enough to contain the samadhi fire, your strong enough to use it."

(3x11 This Imperfect World) (Gonna be real I don't think it was Mei's dragon ancestry that protected her, I think it was MK, but that's a theory for another time lol)

However Azure, unlike Mei, fails as a container. He fails to control his power, almost destroying the whole universe and sacrificing his life to stitch the world back together.

You know who ALSO doesn't control his power at the cost of others?

MK, even if it is on a much smaller scale, loses control of his powers in 1x01:

And, he loses control of them so much so that he needs to put that same specific seal on his powers until he can learn to control them better.

And well, the moment that seal comes off? We get this:

MK grappling to control his powers and a shot of him in a crater. Interesting!

And so, now that MK's seal has broken (assuming any of this theory is correct lol), I think he's going to struggle to be a container for his own powers. He was already frighteningly explosive against Azure, causing irreparable damage to flower fruit mountain and literally splitting it in half:

He also happens to look like this before entering his monkey form:

If that doesn't look like "struggling to contain his own powers", I don't know what does!

#this was longer than I was planning.#whoops #oh well!#It's canon. to me.#lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk theory #monkie kid #lmk MK #I've never mentioned the outer-space shots before but by god have I noticed 'em. they're weird!#why would I write 2 theory posts in one day. Why would I do this to myself.#eamk theory

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fizzlewizard404 · 1 year

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Ok, the more I've thought about it, the more I think I understand why the conclusion they gave the Collector was so off to me. And I think it was mainly two things; the execution of it, and the vagueness of it. Let me explain.

Disclaimer! I am not claiming to know everything about writing or how to do it, so take this with a grain of salt ^^

(Major spoilers below!!! You've been warned!)

First of all, I feel the need to clarify that, a lot of the vagueness here does probably have a little bit to do with how much time they had left for this. (The shows cancelation and all that.) The crew had about, like, 10 minutes to properly wrap everything up? So they needed to make it fast enough to fit as much in. With a good majority of the characters and the conclusion of their arcs, there just isn't that much to go that in depth into.

Luz? She can properly travel between both realms now, her insecurities and guilt complex have been dealt with, and she can properly be herself around the people she loves.

Eda? While, she does still have to deal with the curse, shes properly accepted it as a part of her, and feels free to be around the people she loves.

King? While he's definitely still got a lot to learn about himself, he's more free to do so than ever and has the support and help to do so from the people around him, and those he loves. I can go on with basically everyone else, but I think you get the idea by now.

The more I think about it, in theory/concept, I think having the Collector go back to space can work. But you have to establish three main things in order for it to do so.

1) Give us enough of an idea for what exactly he will be doing in space to grow as a person. Presumably, to me anyway, I feel like they're most likely on some kind of quest to undo as much of their siblings's doings. Until, potentially facing them directly again.

2) Make sure to note that the Collector is fully aware of the fact that he has a genuine and loving support group/found family that he can return whenever he feels the need to see them again. And especially make it clear that they do just that when they can. Not too often, but still somewhat regularly.

3) Inforce the fact that the aforementioned support system/found family (Luz, King and Eda, though this can include others later on) really do care about the Collector's well being and that they are willing to be there for him when they can be.

Alrighty!! Now that I have those things out of the way, let me explain how the show messed up properly showcasing them, despite how expertly everything before this was handled.

When the epilouge's beginning starts after Luz has finally put an end to Belos's evil-doing, we get to see everyone slowly start getting use to the new circumstances of their home. None of it can ever be the same way it was before, but that's definetely for the better in most cases. After all, everyone's gone through a lot as of recently. Especially this episode.

Including, (and in my opinion, most of all) the Collector. For the last ??? amount of years, everything in their life has been... stagnent, inauthentic and overall not great. Even during what we saw during For The Future. Despite it's happy, cheery and colorful surface, it was only really a facade to mask the lack of actual care and support that Collector has in his life.

The stories and adventures he plays out with King are like his own interpretation from a game of broken telephone. They can only really immitate the genuine experience and connection formed when the real thing happened. All the denizens of the Boiling Isles are reduced to a sparkly, cute puppeted version of themselves. Lacking any real emotion in order to go along with the tone of the story.

Realistically speaking, King is the only somewhat genuine thing in the Collector's world. He's the only person that they can trust and talk to. Sure, he techically has his distant, idealized connection with Eda, but she's (at least to the Collector's knowledge) always stuck as the owl beast. So that's kind of impractical for him.

In all of these stories and games of pretend, the Collector takes what would otherwise be Luz's role in King's life. They're jealous of the relation she's had with King for so long. Collector knows that while he's close to King, they can't be as close to him as Luz.

Going by this information, we can come to the conclusion that the Collector desperately wants to have real friends, and people who won't use him or lie to him. Much like how his (presumably) distant, but still likely very ill-intentioned siblings, the Archivists did. First so they wouldn't have to deal with him, and later to take all his friends away. This pattern continued with Belos, which also lead to betrayal and abandonment for the Collector.

For his entire life, Collector has struggled grasping empathy and the overall concept of death. He said it himself, clear as day. "Toys break all the time! You just fix em'!". There is a fundamental misunderstanding for him in this regard that they are unaware of.

As for the struggle with empathy, his status as an all-powerful immortal tends to make him kinda unapproachable for most non-immortals. So in order to actually play with people who he wants to play with, but are afraid of him, he forces them to do so against their wills.

Near the beginning of Watching and Dreaming, Luz and Co. are finally able to try explaining what it means to understand other people to the Collector. And after a bit, it seems like they're finally starting to get it. Kindness and forgiveness! Who guessed it was that easy all this time?? Soon after this, the Collector tries applying his newly found morals towards the first person they can. Unfortunately for everyone, that person is the furthest thing from somebody who can be reasoned with.

The Collector starts to feel as if they can finally fix things, only to nearly get blasted by Belos, mere seconds later. Thankfully, Luz swept in to safe him and tries explaining to him that he did do the right thing, just... not with the right person. Soon enough, we find out that Luz did get grazed by Belos's power. She immediately starts disintegrating and disappearing before everyone, but more specifically, before the Collector's eyes. Moments after this, Collector is... scared, but mainly confused. King and Eda are completely speechless, only being able to stare ahead of them. The Collector tries to bring Luz back, only for nothing to happen. Things go from bad to worse when King and Eda lose themselves entirely and start fighting off Belos.

In this moment, right before Luz comes back with her titan powers, the Collector is about the lowest they've been in forever. Having just realized that they can't just fix everything with the snap of their finger, and completely powerless to do ANYTHING. King and Eda are there, but they're not there. Luz is gone. There's nowhere they could go from here. It's hopeless.

A bit after Luz comes back, the Collector decides to do something with their currently fading power and help everyone in the Archives (yknow, from falling hundreds of feet in the air towards their certain deaths).

After Belos is defeated and all the goop goes away, the Collector gently falls onto the floor of the Archives, exhausted. The moment they see Amity (someone he doesn't know well, but knows is close to Luz) walk towards him, he covers his head, expecting for her to start scolding or even attacking him. But she doesn't. She reaches her hand out to him as a friendly sign of peace, and understanding. His face literally lights up when this happens.

After all of this, while I think that Collector really can't be in the Isles all the time, considering how many people probably won't be that ok with having him around all the time after what he did, it's still obvious to me that they do finally have people who they can lean on and properly be better around. Luz, King and Eda.

...Too bad that their send-off scene doesn't make any that clear!! Like, whatsoever!!

While, yeah you can say that the main trio are DEFINITELY also exhausted after everything, I don't think that would make them all of a sudden be totally fine with the Collector leaving into space on his own.

Firstly, unless we can assume that what I said earlier about him undoing the Archivists's damage where he can, it seems like he's just, isolating himself so he can't hurt anyone until he feels worthy enough to ~maybe~ go back to the Boiling Isles eventually? You know. Like the same thing Luz wanted to do in Thanks To Them because she felt like a burden onto everyone around her? But there atleast, the show made it clear that everyone seeing Luz confess to this, had a problem with it.

During this scene. We don't see anyone other than King go after the Collector. Sure Luz is looking, but that still doesn't count for much. The phrasing of King's last onscreen words to the Collector are "I hope I see you again" before he gives them François. The way this was worded makes the idea of King giving François to the Collector seem more like an almost permanent goodbye gift. Like, the two of them won't be seeing each other again, or at least for a LOONG WHILE.

I think that adding on a "soon" at the end of "I hope I see you again" could've made it a lot better, and make it more obvious that François being given to the Collector is to remind them of their newly found family and that they will be there for him, wherever he is in the universe. Which I feel is way more fitting coming from King. Like his own version of "I don't know what the future holds, but it would be so cool if you were in it" to the Collector.

One thing that I feel like made everything make way less sense is the "No one argued" line from Luz. It makes literally no sense to me considering everything they've been through together? Like?? You'd think Luz and Eda would atleast ask him if he'll be okay going away on his own?? Considering that Luz was able to recognize where the Collector was at the beginning of the episode, it feels extremely out of character for her not to recognize what they're going through here, especially when taking into account that she went through something VERY similar as of very recently herself??

As for Eda, she just kind of, lays back away from the whole situation to begin with? For some reason? Which also feels weird to me since she was also open to being there for him earlier in the episode? She's grown enough at this point to know what to say to kids when she can tell they're not doing well at the moment. Not to mention how she would also probably be able to recognize the Collector trying to isolate themselves as something she's also gone through to protect the people she cares about!! She's fully aware it doesn't work out well when you have absolutely no one by your side! So I feel like having her atleast also reminding the Collector that they're all here for him would've meant a lot more.

As for why all of this came off as really jarring to a lot of people (i'm mainly using myself as an example here btw), The Owl House has always been a show that's overall narrative message has been about found family for different people. The main example I'll be using here is for neurodivergent people. Whether or not it's something like ADHD, autism, or any kind of personality disorder.

The Collector, to me anyway, is extremely ND coded in a few ways. So, in a way, to me personally, having it seem like nobody out of the main trio was actually concerned with the Collector's well being in this scene, felt... jarring? It gave off the message of "neurodivergent people deserve love and belonging, unless they have unstable emotional regulation and struggle grasping empathy, in which case it's okay if they isolate themselves from the people they love because those loved ones don't care about them enough to where they would have a problem with the person isolating themselves", which would be ridiculously insensetive and insulting from what's otherwise such an open-minded and emotionally mature show. I read it this way when I first watched the episode when it aired, and I feel safe to say that it was not what I needed to hear at the moment. I feel like I'm doing better now, and I understand why it hit me the way it did considering everything I mentioned earlier.

I'm not calling anybody who worked on TOH ableist for any of this, and I want to make that clear. This was obviously unintentional on their end and I'm glad that I can understand that now. This show has been here for me and so many other people through so much and other than this on gripe I have with the Collector's send-off scene, the finale was everything I could've asked for and more. That's all.

#toh #the owl house #rambling #toh spoilers #analysis #the collector #also. i could eventually change my mind about this too.. soo. idk #essay

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stonemags · 1 year

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SUGAR BABY AU

Ch.4 Leeway

Characters in this series: Reader, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers, Darcy Lewis, Maria Hill, Kate Bishop, Pepper Potts, Valkyrie, Shuri

Summary: As a good friend you are responsible for people closest to you, right? But can you handle it all at once? For now, your friends are a priority.

Warnings: age gap relationships, sugar mommy/sugar baby relationships, swearing, aggression, cheating, all story is gonna be +18, you are responsible for your own ass.

Word count: 6556

A/N: This chapter took a while and im greatfull for all your patience. This story is a proces and i go through it while writing, it growns on me with every sentance and page. Im happy i can share it with you. All ideas, theories, comments are welcome. Dont steal or claim my stuff as yours or im going to bite your ass off. Enjoy!

As always thanks to @charturnus for editing, helping to write and posting this fic. It wouldn't be here without you.

Previous chapter

CHAPTER 4

The next morning. You find Darcy occupied with her phone, laughing at something and scrolling down TikTok. You can tell which side of the platform she is on, and you smile under your breath, hearing the “woooo I’m mentally ill” sound, that both of you love. You gather yourself and enter the living room. You feel guilty, it wasn't right for you to speak to her this way, or say those things. Your opinions should never get between you and your friends, no matter what they do. God, you would help them bury a body without a question, why would you be a bitch about the way they decide to go in their life. That's not your place to say so, and you see it now, after a mostly sleepless night. You need to set things right, you need to apologize. You need to-

“Is this one of your ADHD things, when you just stand in the middle of the room and have a full-on conversation with yourself?” Darcy's voice breaks you out of your reverie, and you look at her with shocked eyes. You get lost sometimes. I guess it was one of those moments.

“Yeah… I haven't taken my meds yet. Sorry about that.” You hang your head down and move closer to the couch that is occupied by Darcy and at least 5 blankets. Why would anybody need 5 blankets on one couch? It's not even that cold. Yes, it's November, but still, it's pretty warm for this time of the year.

“You are doing it again.” This time she touches your shoulder to bring you out and ground you, in reality a little bit more.

“Shit, sorry.”

“It's okay, what's bothering you?” She knows what, of course, she knows. The whole argument happened not more than 7 hours ago. God, you don't deserve her.

“Darcy…. About yesterday…” You start fidgeting with your hands. Clearly uncomfortable, you are being eaten up from the inside by guilt. The fuzzy blanket that you are sitting on provides comfort with its texture.

“About yesterday… I…”

“I know.” And you know she does, but she needs to hear it. You turn to the side to look at her, taking her hand into yours. You two were never touchy with each other. This is the kind of friendship where you would rather die than hug your friend, but you still would die for her in seconds. The older you two got, the closer you were, and the relationship between you two is far more mature now, you both are.

“Still, even if you do, it wasn't acceptable for me to say those things. I don't have the knowledge of how it looks from your side. I have my own issues, I shouldn’t put that on you or attack you because of them. It wasn't right, and it won't happen again. I'm not going to judge any of you and if I'm going to be confused about anything I'm just going to ask. I was ignorant, angry, tired and rude. Nothing excuses my behaviour. I'm sorry Darcy.”

She shifts her position and gets really close to you. You feel her arms around your neck and her face hidden in the crook of your neck. She feels warm, like home or fireplace, like the fuzzy blanket under your palm providing you with comfort. It takes you a second, but you practically scoop her up in your arms, hiding her even more in your chest. You stay like that for a little while and once you start pulling away you feel her grabbing you tighter. You don't let go.

“I'm sorry too.” You want to interrupt her, tell her that there is nothing to apologize for, that you were in the wrong, but she speaks again.

“I said some shitty stuff yesterday. I don't want to talk to you that way. Even if I was a little bit right.” you both laugh at it, and the world gets a little lighter. The heavy feeling on your shoulders, it's always there, it always lingers, but now you don't carry it by yourself. When you finally pull apart, both of your eyes are a little bit glassy, you both notice it, but nobody will say anything.

“You need to repay me, though. For the things you said.” Of course. You know that she is just using the situation and that you are actually forgiven, but you play the game either way.

“You have one wish. Shoot.”

“And no saying no?”

“No saying no.”

“I'm going to set you up on a date. And before you interrupt me…” You were actually going to interrupt her.

“You have to be there for at least 30 minutes, and then I'm not going to set you up with anyone ever again.”

“Deal.” She looks at you like you’re dumb. This kind of look that tells you she is not done. You take a dramatic breath in.

“What else…?” She smiles and as much as you will never admit it, you want her happy.

“Today Carol is having a small party with clients, friends, and business partners. It’s Bridgerton themed. You are going to be there, and you are going to like it. And no, you don't have to be there from the start, I know how you feel about all these business conversations. The party starts around 6pm and is going to last till 11pm at least. After that it's just going to be us, Maria, Kate, Pepper, Carol, Natasha and Wanda.” Hearing the last two names pulls a reaction from you. It’s one of the most dramatic eye rolls you've ever done. Darcy is laughing at you at this point, and you can't help but join her. You are not happy about any of that, but at the same time, you owe it to her.

“Yes ma’am.” The blanket beneath your fingers becomes overwhelming, so you start playing with your rings.

“Good girl, now go because you have classes in half an hour.” She cares, and that's one of the ways she shows you that she does.

“Also, don't worry about your regency outfit! I’ve already taken care of it.” Your best friend tells you, not moving from the couch, as you stand up to take care of breakfast. She really gets on your nerves sometimes, but to be honest, you didn't even think about the outfit. You are grateful, even if it’s her that put you in this situation.

“Actually, I’m not going to uni today.” That's shocking news for her, and you get why she is surprised.

“I also called off my shift at the bar.” Well that's a double shock, and it's surprising that she can take it. She gets off the couch and walks up to you, checking your temperature.

“Are you sick? Wait, you’re not dying, are you?” You love that dramatic bitch.

“No, actually, we need to call a family meeting today.”

‘’Oh,’’ Darcy breathes, realizing that the situation is serious. Only a few times before the meeting was called, this was the day Carol was introduced to all of you, or when Maria finally came out. This is an emergency only situation, and you are pretty sure that this one is justified.

“Wait, family meeting? Someone died?” Maria’s sleepy voice flows through the room. Her hair is messy. Her silk robe flows nicely around her body. You always admired her confidence, and she is surprisingly kind for such an attractive person. Her hair is freshly cut, shoulder-length is the most comfortable for her, at least that's what she always says when they get too long. You like that about her, the way she knows what she wants, when and how. Even more, you don't understand why she would give control to anyone else.

“Nobody died. Kate’s home?” You say.

“Yeah, she came back around 4am.” Darcy's answer is followed by a big yawn. All of you can use a break today, and a little bit more sleep.

‘’Could you please wake Kate up?’’ You say, turning to Maria.

‘’I’ll get started on pancakes in the meantime.’’

She moves from her spot by the door and hurries to Kate's room. It's not going to be easy, but the longer you are putting off the conversation, the harder it's going to get.

Preparing breakfast takes you little to no time, everything always goes by fast when you have Darcy on your side. You two work in perfect harmony, managing to cook, set up the table and even squeeze fresh orange juice for all of you. The scent of sweet citrus filled the whole room, bright sunlight falls aggressively through ajar blinds. Crispy air hits you as you move to close the window, trying to get rid of the burned smell of the last failed pancake. You are still going to eat it, you hate wasting food.

Darcy is on your right, sitting cross-legged on a high chair with a messy bun and an oversized sweater stolen from Carol. She looks peaceful and warm. Maria sits half naked in front of you. She is always really comfortable in her own skin and it shows. Long pyjama pants and a bra are her go to outfits in the morning. It suits her. When Kate comes out of her room, the first thing that you acknowledge is her wet hair, indicating she just had a shower and dark circles under her eyes. She moves smoothly closer to where you all wait for her and as she moves behind you, she stops in her tracks for a second to wrap her arms around your torso from behind. She hides her head in the crook of your neck, and all you can do is put your hand smoothly through her hair, hugging her closer with one arm.

“I missed you.” She whispers just for you to hear, and you feel tiredness and pain of the past busy weeks in her voice. It fills you with love, care but also anger for not being able to change it for her, or rather respecting the peace she chooses to live her life on. She needs to learn, and you will be here to catch her if she falls. And that's exactly why family meetings are so needed.

“I missed you too, hun.” Her smile makes you happy and breaks your heart at the same time. You have been in situations when someone was trying to open your eyes, and you were taking out anger and pain on the messenger. Honestly, there is nothing she could do to push you away, but you know some part of her will hate you after this.

“So what's the family meeting about? It sounds serious, you even took a day off.”

“Let's just eat for now. We're gonna talk later.”

****

You wash the dishes after breakfast while girls talk with each other on the couch. They offered to clean, but you needed a second for yourself to muster up the courage to tell her the truth. Giving yourself time is needed, but also creates moments like this. Wet sponge in your right hand, plate in your left, and your phone laying heavy in your pocket with evidence. You feel it digging into your leg through the material, kind of like pushing you to stop procrastinating the inevitable, so you do.

You sit down on an ottoman that matches the rest of the couch set and as you sigh heavily, all the attention is drawn to you. Nobody’s rushing you to open up, it's one of the many rules of the meetings. They all wait for you, ready to provide comfort at all times. You lock your eyes with Kate’s, and as you almost always keep your posture and face up, your eyes water up a little, but not enough for them to notice.

“Go on y/n. Lay it on me.” She is the youngest of all of you, but sometimes she is more mature than all of you combined.

“Valkyrie is cheating on you.” You can see in her eyes that she thinks it's a joke, another dumb idea of yours to separate the two of them because you don't think her girlfriend deserves her, so you continue.

“I was at the bar, had my shift with Steve, she was there. There was a whole group of people, God, all of them drunk out of their minds. She came to me and told me that you’re not texting her back. She wasn't too nice about it.” You take a deep breath in and grab anything you have close to you to stop yourself from standing up and pacing around the room. The plastic scrunchie provides some stimulation, so you look at her again.

“At some point, she started kissing some girl that was in that group. I don't even know if they know each other.” Kate just listens, not taking her eyes off of you. You notice her lips quivering a little, but it's so slight that you’ve almost missed it.

“Shuri was there, she can vouch for this.”

“Wait, you saw your ex!?” Darcy jumps in but back off as soon as she can catch herself going off-topic, that's not important right now and she knows it.

“Show me.” Two words you hoped you wouldn't hear. Speaking about it is one thing, but seeing it with her own eyes will be different. As the last resort, you try to play dumb, pretending not to know what she means.

“This is far too important for you not to have the proof. Just show me y/n, I’m a big girl.” So you do. When you hand her the phone, it’s already opened in your gallery. It's the last thing you recorded. The video starts with Shuri drinking her martini and talking to you about something happening at her university. However, as soon as you zoom into the group, she falls silent.

‘’Oh fuck,’’ The girls can hear Shuri swearing, combined with your heavy breathing through the speaker in your phone. The scene ends with Valkyrie standing up and dragging the girl behind her into the bathroom area and Shuri’s voice saying “y/n don't do it”.

“What did you do?” Maria asks what everybody is wondering. You answer her question, but all you say is for Kate and only for her.

“I didn't do anything. I ended my shift and went home.” She believes you, you are always honest with her, always.

“I wanted to tell you right after, but this is not something to do over the phone. Maybe I should have just found you at your job, I'm sorry but-” She's interrupting your explanation with the softest voice she has.

“It's okay, I know you are more of a face to face person.” The scrunchie is long forgotten on the floor, and Kate's hands are secured strongly in yours. You caress her palm with your thumb, providing as much comfort through the touch as you can, but she leans back on the couch. You expected anger, sadness, a breakdown or denial, but not this.

“I mean, she was awful either way, right?” Both Darcy and Maria jump in with copious nodding and approval of that statement.

“I guess it's for the better, at least I have a good reason to end it now.” With that she…. smiles? Something is wrong, something is very wrong.

For the next 5 minutes your roommates rumble about how awful Val is, how much better Kate will be without her and how happy they are that she feels that way. Kate jumps in from time to time, smiling and telling them how right they are, and that's when you can't take it anymore. You start laughing, and it takes everybody off guard, to be honest it takes you off guard too. You don't explain anything to anybody as you stand up, take your hurt friend by her hand, and announce that you will be back in a couple of hours for dinner. You are much stronger than Kate, so manhandling her a little into her room is easy.

“Get dressed, put some training clothes on and take your wallet. I'm taking your car keys, and I'm waiting for you in the car park. Don't make me wait too long.”

“Y/n I’m fine! What are you even doing? I don't understand.” You hug her really close, face buried in your chest, her arms hanging loose on her sides not really knowing what to do with them, but even when she’s not reciprocating you don’t let her go. Your left hand goes all the way around her waist, grabbing her side, while the right hand keeps her head close to you. Your touch feels hungry for closeness with her, while you almost shield her whole body with yours. When you let go, you grab her face into your hands, look deeply into her glassy eyes and smile with the most honest love you ever felt to someone. This kind of love is different from anything else you ever had. You imagine that's the way your brother feels when he looks at you. At least he did when you were younger.

“You’re not Kate. And it's okay.” You kiss her forehead and tell her once again to get ready before you disappear from her room.

***

The ride to the location takes you around 25 minutes. The whole trip, Kate is trying to get you to tell her where you’re going or what this whole thing is about, but you keep your mouth shut, which makes her more irritated by the minute. It's good, you need her to be irritated, you need her to be mad, and soon enough everything will become clear to why.

You arrive at a big open space with one building that's in poor condition. Vines have taken over its walls, invading cement and binding everything together with nature. It’s a truly beautiful view if you can just stop for a second and try to understand what's in front of you. It's far, it's quiet, and it's your safe space, one of just the few that you have. You get out of the car, still not answering Kate's questions. She makes it harder for herself and as much as you get why she is doing it, you wish she would stop.

“What's that place? It looks like a squat.” She comments, and she sounds unnecessarily annoyed.

“This is a place where me and Shuri were meeting for most of the time. It's a safe place and a safe space.”

“Safe for what?”

“To be yourself.”

Your answer takes her a little bit off guard, you can see by the appearing wrinkles on her forehead that she really thinks about what you just said, and hopefully she will find some truth for herself in your words. She follows you into the building, you take out a bundle of keys, which is definitely too big, you don't even remember what half of them are for, you are pretty sure that some of them were found around here, never finding out their purpose, but the one that you need right now is easy to find. The red band on top of it makes it easy to spot. The word ‘’sanctuary’’ is hand-painted onto the key, and it fills you with warmth and gratitude that your last relationship ended up on good terms. You really appreciate having Shuri in your life, her and her family were nothing but good people to you, and you are glad to reciprocate anytime you can. You open a heavy looking lock and enter the building with Kate on your heels.

Inside it is really dark and scary looking, dust covers the floors, and various types of glass, wood and all kinds of materials can be found on the side of every wall. Used spray paint cans decorate one corner, making the whole place more alive because of their colours. They also create a nice contrast to the surrounding chaos. All cans are securely stacked in a pyramid shape. A skylight lights up the middle of the room in a theatrical way. You love this place to the bone.

As Kate looks around with a little disgust on her face she tries to appreciate you getting her out of the house, you collect some things from the locker and close it with a metallic clang.

“Here,” you say into her direction, getting closer to her with two jumpsuits in hand. She looks surprised, but gets the general idea of what you want from her. She is obliging even if she is not fully sure why you are both here, she’s too shaken up to put it all together. Putting on a brave face is one of her greatest strengths and weaknesses, but you know every little piece of her. At least most of them.

You start undressing while Kate is half ready with her suit on, you were always impressed with her physique. She’s the one who motivated you to go to the gym, taking you with her a couple of times gave you the kick-start that you needed to go on your own, you are grateful for that, not sure that she is aware of it. As you take off your shirt, you don't notice Kate's eyes lingering on your body. You are muscular it's hard not to be after putting so much work in at the gym, her eyes are tracing the tattoos on your body, from your legs up. You’re turned away from her, so she has a perfect view of your wide back. She isn’t sure why she’s staring, but it seems natural to do so, so she lets herself. As you turn around to face her, you zip up the suit to your waist, looking for a shirt you took with you. You don't want to ruin your nice clothes, that's why you asked Kate to pack something up herself as well. You look at her. She seems to be stuck for a moment, and her face is red.

“Are you okay?” You reach out to her, worried that she might be on the verge of crying because of her breakup, unaware that the reason for her state is completely different. Kate on the other hand is trying to understand what's happening to her. Nobody was ever as sweet to her as you, so protective and caring. Nobody held her like you do, nobody was interested in her in the way you are. In the beginning she was trying to figure out if that's your way of hitting on her, but after she got to know you a little bit she understood that it's just your nature. It didn't change the fact that she always feels special when you act protective over her or caring in any way. Late night texts telling her to get home safe, to remember about lunch, calling her love. Or just simply sitting down together and letting her talk while you listen. Just the way you let her be with you is enough to get some ideas in her head. She has been questioning for a long time now if she is attracted to you, but even if the answer is yes, your relationship has always been platonic, and she is aware of that.

“Yes, yes I am. Dress up, or you're going to get sick.” She stops the topic before you can ask her more questions, not wanting to fall into a hot mess in front of you.

After you both get dressed and leave your stuff secured in the locker, just in case, you take Kate's hand and tell her to follow you. Her palm is soft but cold to the touch, instinctively you start to rub her hand with your thumb to warm it up and comfort her a little, sensing her nervousness. She’s still playing with her hands, grabbing onto her jewellery and loose strands of fabric fraying off of the partially torn jumpsuit. Your touch seems to bring her a little bit more back into the present. You can hear her taking a big breath in when you soothe her hand, and it seems like her arms are starting to relax a little.

You moved further into the building, which leaves you in front of a massive, heavy looking reinforced door. Something straight out of the teen wolf series. As you open them, you are both hit with too much sunlight coming out of the skylights. Your eyes take a second to adjust and get past the sting of it, Kate tries to blink the pain away too. As soon as her vision is clear, she gets what all of this is about, and she doesn't know how to feel about it.

“Wha…what? Y/n I don't think it's necessary.” She comments as soon as she sees a table covered in lots of different kinds of mugs, plates, dishes, boxes and bottles. It's warmer here than anywhere else in the building, probably because of the sun coming through the windows. She understands now why the doors are so thick. She waits for your answer, but you leave her in silence. You move to the deep right corner of the room and grab two aluminium bats and two helmets secured in the covered box. Your weapon is strictly for looks, you are not going to participate in breaking today, this day is all about Kate and you need to focus on her.

“Take it.” She shakes her head, refusing to do so.

“Kate, take it, please.” She does see that you are being really serious about it. It feels heavy in her hands at first, but her muscle memory is trained on such a good level that it takes her just a minute to get used to the handle and balance of the bat.

“I don't need it. I know you think I'm sad and heartbroken but I'm not, okay? It's for the best and we both know it yn.” She pleads with you, it all seems really unnecessary for her.

“Kate..” you come close to her and put your free hand on her cheek. “ You are heartbroken, you are tired and you are sad, but most of all you are angry. I can see you holding your fist together every time someone mentions your mother.” Exactly the thing she does as soon as the words leave your mouth. “ I know that you feel betrayed by Val, it doesn't matter if you loved her or not. She abused you for so long, just as your mother. Dont hate me for it but I think you chose her for a reason.” She looks at you not believing your words, and takes a step back. Her eyes ask you what you mean by that and you know she felt a sting because of your assumption. You straighten out your posture and keep going, gambling your friendship in the name of her sanity.

“You have been controlled since your father died.”

“Stop.” Her voice is low but the tone of it is threatening.

“Your mother uses you as her personal project, to be honest I'm not sure if she was ever a real mother to you.” You continue not letting yourself back up no matter what. She needs this.

“I said stop.” Her voice is louder letting emotions take over a little.

“ Were you saying stop when Val hit you? Or when she was pouring alcohol in your system so she could take advantage of you? You didn’t deserve any of this” She is crying at this point and it pains you to see.

“All those times I was picking you up from her apartment seeing a new bruise on you, all those times when you got hell from your mother or from your girlfriend because you had to choose one and there were no other options in your life. This is not love Kate, it never was.”

“Nobody asked you to take care of me!!” She is screaming now and you decided to match her energy.

“BUT I DID! I was cleaning the fucking cuts, i was holding the ice bags and i had to watch you being broken everyday! I had to restrain myself of fucking her up everyday because of your feeling towards her!” Kate never knew about this, so that information is shocking, her head unfortunately for both of you took a defensive state so everything you say is taken personal. !!!

“ If that was such a fucking issue for you you could’ve just told me! I would never ask you for help if I knew!’ The bat in her hand is flying around, she always uses her hands while speaking so it's normal, in this situation though it's a little dangerous.

“It's not about me ! Its about you Kate, about people fucking you over and over again and you allowing them. It's about the fact that you are angry and you don't let yourself go!”

“I'M NOT ANGRY. I'M IN PAIN! AND THEY’VE PUT ME THERE” With that she delivers a first hit to the stack of plates. It's not in the center so plates end up falling from the table while breaking a couple of them. It's hard to aim when your face is covered in tears. You grab her arm before she can do a second strike stopping her mid flight. She tries to get out of your hold pushing you away with her other arm but you are one step ahead and you let go of your bat to grab both of her hands. You take her into a strong embrace letting her totally break down in tears. She cries, and it sounds like something she loved, someone she loves has died, maybe a part of her. Her voice is broken and you can hear her asking why, while you drop with her to the floor not letting go for even a second. She is still fighting to get out of your arms but you know that she is not fighting with you. You put your hand on her head closing any space left between you and you try to calm her crying a bit.

“I got you Kate… I'm right here with you, I'm not leaving…. ever. You can let go… just let go, I'm holding you.” And she does. She lets go of all the pain she feels at the moment, lots of memories coming back to her in a big feeling of chaos. It is hard for her to focus on one feeling, one problem, one pain so she grabs on to you tighter trying to ground herself in your touch. She starts paying attention to your fingers tracing patterns on her back, on your breathing being slow and deep and she tries to match it the best she can with her own. She focuses on the vibrations she can feel on her head that are coming from you humming her favorite melody. She finds peace in it and after a little while she slowly lets go of you to take a deep breath in and look at your face. You smile at her with the most genuine smile that she ever saw.

“Why are you so happy?” She is teasing you, you know she is.

“Because I'm proud of you Katie… so proud.” Your voice is low and soft, like the silence after the storm, like the moment when the rain stops falling abruptly after ripping the sky open with its force.

You help her stand up and that's the exact moment that she sees blood on your face. Her breath hitches while she points at your cheek. You touch the place and realize that while she hit the plates one piece of them got stuck in your skin. You take it out with almost no force and wipe already dried blood off of you.

“That's why we wear helmets.” You pick up the gear that was left on the floor, and help her put it safely on her head. After doing the same you hand her a bat and let her have an outlet for all of the forgotten feelings hidden inside of her for so long. Sounds are loud, rapid but so satisfying. Pieces of glass are landing on the walls, the floor and your clothing. At first she was shy with her hits, but you can see that she got more comfortable with the whole idea and actually put some work into it. You hold your cold bat in your left hand, it's only a prop, because today it's about Kate…. today is about Kate yn… You tell yourself trying to suppress any emotions you might have with this whole situation. Stacks of beer glasses seem to have your name written all over them. The bat you are holding gets a little bit heavier in your hand when you tighten your fist around it. Your veins become visible because of the pressure and your eyes are focused on the target, never looking away from it but holding yourself back as much as you can. Just when you start to feel yourself going into emotions, all of the glasses break in front of your eyes. A big hit delivered by Kate crashes them into pieces and powder, and with that she says that it's the last one that she needed. It brings you back out of your head and you nod at her, pointing to the door.

After leaving the room you give some time for Kate to change into her clothes while you are sweeping the floor to make it nice and tidy, mainly safe. You put down all the equipment and as you move into the room with a locker you can hear Kate humming the same melody you were trying to calm her down with. It warms you from the inside, the fact that you understand her and she trusts you enough to show you the most raw parts of herself. While you change Kate decided to look around some other rooms in the building. Some of them are holding more stuff to break, some of them have camping equipment, making her acknowledge that you probably spend some nights here. As you catch up to her you see that she found one of the most important places for you. The biggest room in this whole building has two chairs in the middle of it and 5 plastic boxes on the right side of it. Chairs are facing one wall, a wall covered in graffiti, with big sentences written in the middle of it. You lean on the entrance while Kate is trying to take it all in.

“What's that? Ver- Verba Vo…” “Verba Volant Scripta Manent. Spoken words fly away, written words remain.” You explain to her, trying to get her to understand what this place is about. “And what's all over that?” “All the reasons why me and Shuri were coming here. Tony Stark, Loki, work, even when I was arguing with you guys.” You laugh a little at the memory. “Even your mom.” You see her go closer to the wall as she eyes your mothers name written on the wall in the most chaotic way she ever saw. She puts her hand on the cold concrete and touches it lightly, collecting some dirt on her fingers by accident. She doesn't seem to care though. She turns with glossy eyes to look at you and a second later you are holding her in your arms. She is not angry anymore, but sad. Tears flow out while you hold her and allow her to feel all the emotions at once. She doesn't have to pretend with you, she never should. She lets you go and look at your face. Her cold hand lands on your cheek as she is trying to take care of you, leaving some of the dirt on your skin. It throws you off guard for a second because you didn't realize you were crying with her. As soon as you do you whip off the tears that escaped and hand her spray can from one of the plastic boxes.

“Write Katie, everything that's on your shoulders, write it out of you. It will stay here, and you will move on without it.” “Verba Volant Scripta Manent.” She repeats your mantra butchering latin pronunciation, making you laugh.

“Exactly.” You give her a nod and encourage her to start letting go of all the things that are in her heart. She is a little shy at first but gets a hold of it really quickly. She writes dates, names, words like work, comfort, cheating, fear. With each word she seems to be lighter and you enjoy the view. Carefully she writes everything down avoiding your drawing, your motto, which you really appreciate. As she finishes her work she takes a couple of steps back and enjoys the art of it. You join her, kiss the top of her head and take out of the box the last can, red one to put one last statement. She watches you really carefully as you go to her part of the wall and above everything she has written, you spray a big red word, saying “Rebirth”. As you turn around, a little bit dirty and tired, you feel happiness filling you in as she is smiling at you, in a way you haven't seen in a long time.

After closing up everything and making sure that the whole place is secured and tidy you make your way to the car. Kate is surprised to see an emotional hangover setup at the back of her car. Bottle of water, her favorite snack and tissues waiting for her, set down with love and care. It always amazes her how you can think in the future. There were countless situations in both your lifes when something unusual, tragic or just really out of nowhere came up and you are always ready for it. At least you seem to be. You are not talking much to each other while going back, no words needed between both of you. Kate can sense that it took a hold on you too so she provides comfort by playing with your hair on the back of your neck while you drive.

“I texted her.” Kates breaks the silence for a second, her voice barely above whisper.

“What did you say?”

“I broke up with her, I officially ended it, and I blocked her.” You put your hand on hers, letting her know you are right next to her. She expected you to be happy but you were always better for her then she anticipated.

“And how do you feel about it?” You ask tenderly.

“It hurts… I know she wasn't good, she never was, but she meant a lot and it… it just hurts.” You nod your head waiting for her to continue, giving all the space she might need.

“ But it's going to heal, and as much as it pains me I also feel lighter. I need it. Thank you yn, for everything.” She interviews her fingers with yours and allows silence to take over, leaving you both in each other's comfort.

Next chapter

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pomplalamoose · 6 months

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Master Luke Skywalker headcanons🩵✨

In my other headcanon posts I already mentioned a few ideas of mine of Luke as Master Skywalker (find a summary of them here) but I wanted to do an extra post because I have a ✨thing✨ for authority figures

• I'm totally biased in saying so but in my opinion Luke would be (or is) a great Jedi Master

• he's kind, empathetic and patient; in my opinion the most important traits to have as a teacher

• his own Jedi education isn't as long ago as it would have been if he had grown up in the Jedi temple, so I think he's easily able to put himself back into the shoes of a Padawan

• especially if some of his students are quick tempered, impulsive and easily frustrated when they don't progress as fast as they'd like to, just like he once was

• he is able to successfully handle a wild assortment of personalities, finding ways to engage a rambunctious crowd just as well as the shy and more withdrawn individuals

• likewise he matches his behavior accordingly

• he's very well attuned to his surroundings, good at reading the room and deciding whether a more strict or calming approach is necessary

• he is stern when he needs to be, although I don't think he particularly likes it

• he doesn't want to raise his voice either and I don't think he has to often except to get his student's attention from time to time

• just like in other parts of his life he always wants to understand why there is a conflict in the first place and will gladly act as negotiator if it means resolving a fight

• or avoid having to take more drastic measures

• if he gets angry though even the birds fall quiet

• it's like the life gets sucked out of everything

• I said before that making him angry is not easy, so congrats to anyone who manages and also my serious condolences

• even then he won't grow unrestrained though

• he'd never expose or punish someone in front of others

• he'll remain fair and will ask the person or group responsible to have a private conversation with him

• that's what's so absolutely terrifying though

• his quiet anger is worse than if he'd just scream at them instead

• I don't think that anyone would be able to get used to this, not with how slowly and silently his anger approaches

• you don't see it coming until it's too late

• those who end up alone in that room with him never speak of it

• you see them leave looking pallid, many with tear stained faces

• they never act up again after that

• of course rumours are going wild, the theories about what happened are endless

• yet everyone is too scared to find out for themselves and very happy to stay in their Master's good graces

• he takes time to get to know every one of his Padawans very well and thus can tell what they might need from him at any given moment or in specific situations

• do they need a compliment, so as not to loose faith in themselves?

• a little joke and a gentle smile to lighten the mood?

• reassurance to ease their mind?

• maybe a little motivational speech?

• a pat on the back?

• or a hug?

• carefully voiced questions about their well being; do they need anything? Someone to talk to?

• do they need a break, some time for themselves?

• an offer to repeat any exercise after the official lessons of the day are done?

• a tease or a little bet to rouse their fighting spirit?

• a stern reprimand?

• a time out?

• generally I see him slightly differentiating not only in his demeanor towards the children, the teenagers and the young adults but in the way he structures their varying lessons as well

• he allows himself to be more relaxed and laid back with the kids

• he wants them to feel safe and at home, so he makes sure they see him as a kind of parental figure in addition to being their teacher

• also I think he'd teach them about the Force and their connection to it in a way that comes natural to them

• many children don't have a long attention span yet, so it's important to be engaging and let them have fun too

• I see Luke trying to keep his inputs short and simple to then make them discover what they just learned in a game themselves

• like for example: being able to reach out, to feel the Force and all living beings surrounding you doesn't sound as cool as "learning a new trick to beat everyone else at hide and seek"

• likewise he wouldn't jump straight into meditation with them

• you can't force a child to meditate when it fails to sit still for longer than two minutes

• Luke is aware this would only lead to them viewing meditation as negative, maybe even something alike to a punishment

• so to avoid that I see him introducing it in a slow and careful way

• like telling them stories that get increasingly longer over time

• or making them color in pictures

• really, any activity that includes mindfulness in some way is a welcome strategy

• I think he'd be more strict with the teenagers and young adults

• many of them haven't been with him since they were little and often need firm guidelines

• not necessarily because any of them are especially rebellious or going through a phase™ but because it's easier to adapt to a new way of life with set rules

• Luke knows that some of them come from a difficult background or had a hard journey to find him, so he wants to give them clear framework conditions to work with

• a daily routine leaves less room for uncertainties and lends a sense of safety

• still he welcomes a more personal approach in their shared free time if they are comfortable with it

• he's very interested to hear about their former lifes

• about their interest and hobbies

• their favorite dishes

• the customs of their people

• their friends and family

• and their favorite music

• he'll share stories of his own as well, often involving his own struggles as a Padawan

• nobody is supposed to feel like an outcast or a special case because they're older or somehow "different" from the others

• still they are more prone to giving him an attitude than the kids are and Luke definitely isn't above paying them right back

• he leans towards Yoda in that aspect; his patience may seem endless but if he can have some fun as well, he'll take the chance

• repeating phrases that used to drive him mad when he was younger is his favorite thing to resort to

• the best example for that is probably "Don't try. Do!"

• alternatively he likes to come up with ridiculous sayings or advices that make no sense at all

• if someone is especially annoying he'll make them mediate in stupid positions, claiming that this particular pose is immensely important for their development

• even if someone should realize what's going on they don't have any prove to go by, so who are they to deny their Master?

• Luke thinks it's hilarious

• I don't think it's uncommon for his students to be very intimidated by Luke though

• some of the newly arrived may even fear him

• while he's beloved as a person and greatly admired for his skills, nobody can quite forget who it is they're living and sharing their meals with

• especially those who haven't been around him for long yet and can't quite believe that, he too, is really just some dude

• of course he's not just some dude but I feel like that's what Luke would like to be perceived as

• to him it's important to be approachable no matter the circumstances

• he wants everyone to know he's always there to help and not just a teacher but a friend as well

• the children don't struggle with this as much as his other students

• everyone enjoys spending time with him but then he has these moments where he doesn't seem fully human anymore

• his eyes are just a tad too bright, too piercing

• they see more than just his immediate surroundings

• when he looks at you it's either like he doesn't see you at all or too much, like illuminating even the last corners of your very being and turning you inside out

• he's eerily quiet and his presence a mystery

• not even the best of his students are able to sense him in the Force when he closes himself off

• he could be standing right in front of you and you wouldn't notice if that's what he wants

• likewise his Force signature is often overwhelming for those still inexperienced

• often he appears out of thin air like a spectre and vanishes just the same

• he senses whenever he's needed and will let himself be found but nobody knows where he goes to and what he does when alone

• does he even sleep?

• are we sure he's really eating and drinking or is that an illusion?

• seeing him tired or crumpled is such a rarety that nobody can remember if it ever happened before

• he doesn't always react the way one would expect him to

• sometimes he's smiling to himself, like he's listening in to someone not visible to everyone else

• on some occasions his students find him unresponsive for hours

• is his body still inhabitated? Where did his mind go?

• he never shows any signs of exertion

• he always looks impeccable no matter the weather and circumstances

• he seems to simply exist beyond external influences

Quick authors note before we continue:

I see Luke as a very responsible and trustworthy person and don't think he'd actually pursue one of his students in a romantic or sexual way; he's aware of the power imbalance and probably not comfortable with it.

While I'm sure there are some mutual attraction situations from time to time, he doesn't act on his feelings.

HOWEVER let's be really delusional and ignore that

• Luke is usually very direct but in this case I'm sure he'd take his time

• having a passing fancy is nothing out of the ordinary and he will make sure he's genuinely interested in you before risking to overstep his line as a teacher

• even then he'd proceed with utmost care

• he does not want to make you uncomfortable in any way and should he find that you don't return his feelings, he'll withdraw immediately

• so he'll carefully start testing how far he can go and observe your respective reactions closely

• to everyone else this won't seem suspicious at all

• Luke often takes one or two of his students under his wing to keep them close by when he believes some extra support is needed

• his innocent touches will linger a little bit longer than necessary though

• your shared eye contact, even during short conversations, is strangely intense

• his smile suddenly more inviting

• he often offers you his hand now

• it seems that his attention is always on you

• are you imagining things?

• of course Luke would never invade your privacy to a point where he'd take a look inside your mind

• he picks up on clues otherwise

• for example, if he notices you are growing nervous or flustered around him more easily than usual, he'll take that as a good sign

• he'll find reasons to ask for your opinion or makes up tasks that require you to help him

• he's adamant about you having one-on-one lessons with him

• he's very aware of the effect he has on you and likes to tease mercilessly

• he'll lean down to whisper in your ear, reveling in the way it makes you shiver

• will he outright tell you about his feelings though?

• I don't think so

• this last step he will leave up to you

• it's important to him that it's what you want too

• he'll definitely continue to flirt but if you don't confront him about it, he won't go any further than that

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