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babysizedfics · 4 years

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Little Accidents, Big Developments

Chapter 1: A Colourful Afternoon

[This is an age regression story]

The sides have successfully integrated Virgil's regression and Roman's age dreaming into their dynamic, and everyone seems happier for it. Though, Virgil's willingness to trust the others is tested when a long-term problem starts to present itself around his family; his regression leaves him susceptible to wetting himself.

Caregivers Patton and Logan try to help him navigate this issue all while navigating their own newly-discovered romantic feelings for each other.

Sibling spats, covert kissing sessions, and baby babbles lie herein.

Other chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / bonus

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

Chapter Summary:

Roman tries to look after his baby brother, Logan learns to let loose a little, Virgil is nervous to be left on his own, and Patton can’t take much more of this adorableness without screeching.

Chapter word count: 9,000

oOo

It was late afternoon in the mindscape and the house had been moderately quiet. There was the faint clattering of pans as Patton cooked in the kitchen, the soft scratching of Virgil’s crayons, and Logan’s quiet snores coming from the couch. They had been the only sounds cutting through the lazy atmosphere, up until Roman started playing with his Disney figurines. The silly voices and impromptu solos he made the characters perform interrupted the calm, though it was such a common sound in the house that no one seemed to notice the change.

Virgil had regressed a few hours earlier and, as usual, Roman’s littlespace quickly followed. There were a variety of reasons Virgil’s regression often inspired Roman to trigger his age dreaming; seeing Virgil act so young sparked the craving for Roman himself to let go of adult responsibilities, plus seeing Virgil’s various baby items such as his plushes and soft clothes made Roman miss his own little items - especially his toys. Also (and probably most of all), the care and affection that Patton and Logan bestowed upon a regressed Virgil did admittedly make Roman jealous. But he had learned that if he only asked for it, he was given the same level of attention, so it no longer upset him as it had previously. Instead of getting angry like he used to, he knew he could just fall into his own littlespace and he and Virgil could both be taken care of without any arguments. Though that afternoon, not much attention was being given to either of them.

Patton had tasked Logan with caregiving duties when he left to make dinner. While the logical side had taken to his caregiving headspace much more readily in the recent weeks, the lull of the afternoon had apparently made him lethargic and he had fallen asleep not long after.

Roman didn’t mind, though. As Virgil’s big brother, that meant that while the caregivers were not in the room (or were unconscious) it was Roman who was in charge! He hadn’t taken to caregiving, and he had no desire to, but he felt a childish giddiness at being given the role of a protector. Even if it was unintentionally handed to him by Logan falling asleep.

But Roman was quickly realising it was a lot harder to look after Virgil than their caregivers made it look.

The littles had both been preoccupied when Patton left, Virgil colouring a picture and Roman playing with his toys. Though, being much more observant and aware in his littlespace than Virgil was, Roman did notice when Patton left. He had tiptoed out quietly, leaving the distracted Virgil unaware of his departure.

Roman knew this was because of how clingy Virgil had become. Ever since they integrated his regression into the family dynamic, Virgil could hardly bear to be away from his Papa’s side for a minute. Logan had said it was something called ‘separation anxiety’ and that it was common for young children. Whatever it was called, Roman still didn’t see why it was worth crying every time their dad left the room. It wasn’t like he went far.

As expected, when Virgil finished his drawing and held it up to where Patton had been sitting, he stiffened on seeing the empty armchair. Roman looked up at the movement and felt his stomach drop when he saw Virgil’s eyes tear up.

He didn’t like it when Virgil cried, partly because it meant he stole all of their caregivers' attention, but mostly because it made Roman’s tummy flip and his throat get all cloggy when he saw his little brother upset. He didn’t like it.

‘It’s okay, Vee,’ Roman said. He dropped his toys and quickly shuffled closer to Virgil on the carpet. Their caregivers had said Virgil needed to be close to someone if he was sad because it helped him feel safer. ‘What’s the matter?’

Virgil’s fingers flew up to tug nervously at the handle of the pacifier that sat in his mouth. His eyes frantically searched around the room.

‘Dad went to make dinner,’ Roman explained. ‘Look, Mom’s still here,’ he pointed at Logan who let out a timely snore.

‘Theep,’ Virgil lisped through his pacifier, sounding upset.

‘Yeah, he’s asleep,’ Roman said, 'but I'm here too.'

The worry stayed on Virgil’s face, and Roman was about to speak again but fell silent when his hand was suddenly covered by something soft and warm. Roman’s gaze fell down to see that Virgil was holding his hand tightly. When he looked back up, Virgil refused to meet his eyes.

Pride surged through Roman. His little brother wanted comfort and was relying on him! He puffed out his chest to look important and tried to think of a way he could help Virgil feel better. He would prove he was just as smart and kind as their caregivers, and then Virgil would love him just as much.

‘Don’t be scared, baby,’ Roman said then twisted his hand around so that he could grip Virgil’s hand back in reassurance. ‘Do you wanna do another colouring?’

A small whimper escaped Virgil as his hand clasped tighter around Roman’s.

‘You wanna stay with me?’ Roman asked and Virgil nodded slightly. ‘Then let’s do a colouring together. We can show Mom when he wakes up and then Dad and they’ll be really happy we played nice together!’

Virgil perked up at the suggestion and Roman was happy to see he didn’t look close to tears anymore. Roman had helped Virgil to stop being scared and came up with a really good way to play together; he was the best big brother ever!

He summoned a large piece of paper, an assortment of coloured markers, and a black fineliner. With the fineliner, he started drawing a complex lined image of an overgrown bush full of leaves and flowers of various shapes. Virgil did not let go of his hand throughout the few minutes it took to finish and Roman was glad his dominant left hand was the one left free to draw.

When it was done, he tipped the coloured pens out of their case and they tumbled unceremoniously onto the floor.

‘You can start colouring that side and I’ll do this side,’ Roman directed, then grabbed a red marker and began adding colour to a rose.

He stopped after a few moments when he realised Virgil hadn’t moved. He looked up with a frown and saw a hesitance in Virgil’s eyes.

‘C’mon, you know how to colour,’ Roman whined in complaint.

Roman thought he had made Virgil feel happy, but now he was just being a scared baby again. And Roman didn’t even know why! He wasn’t good at knowing what was wrong with Virgil, their caregivers were supposed to do that. A faint frustration bubbled in his chest, but he knew to keep it there and not snap at Virgil. That was when things got really frustrating because when Roman yelled, Virgil would cry then Patton got worried and Logan told Roman off for being mean.

‘Why’re you scared?’ Roman asked. Then a thought came to him and he pouted. ‘Do you not like my picture?’

Virgil’s eyes widened and he shook his head. Roman breathed a sigh of relief.

‘Then what? You don’t like using pens? You dunno what colour to use?’ At the last question, Virgil’s hand squeezed and he nodded.

‘That’s silly,’ Roman giggled. Why was Virgil scared about something like that? ‘You can use whatever colour you want.’

‘Bu’ it yours,’ Virgil mumbled, the pacifier garbling his words.

‘Nu-uh,’ Roman shook his head, ‘I made it for both of us. And it’s boring if I choose all the colours, anyway,’ he shrugged then went back to colouring.

After a few seconds, Virgil slowly picked up a purple marker and Roman smiled at him to show that it was good. They coloured together in silence, their hands still joined between them.

A couple of minutes passed before Roman heard a gasp and looked over to see that Virgil’s pen marks had slipped outside of the lines. It wasn’t surprising; Virgil could never stay inside the lines when he coloured. When he first saw the messy work in Virgil’s colouring book, Roman teased him about it but then Virgil got sad and Patton had explained it was because Virgil regresses so young. Roman pointed out that Virgil was also using his wrong hand to colour because he was usually left-handed but Logan told him not to draw attention to it. So Roman apologised and Virgil was never worried about his messy colouring after that.

But for some reason this time Virgil looked like he’d committed an unforgivable crime. His eyes were wide and he had quickly dropped the pen to hide his hands in his sleeves.

‘That looks cool!’ Roman said quickly. He really didn’t want Virgil to start crying again.

Virgil looked like he was scared of him and it made Roman sad. How come Virgil didn’t believe him? He remembered Logan saying something about showing instead of just telling when you’re trying to get someone to understand you, so Roman decided he should show Virgil that colouring outside the lines was okay.

He stabbed his own pen onto the page and purposefully scribbled over the lines. He looked over at Virgil and saw the younger boy look cautiously from the page to Roman.

‘It’s more fun like this,’ Roman assured him. Then he grabbed a different coloured pen and started drawing swirling shapes outside of the lines. It wasn’t a lie - this was way more exciting than trying to be careful with the colours!

Virgil made a noise of understanding then picked up his purple pen and started scribbling randomly too. Soon they were filling the page with a rainbow of colours and shapes and made a silent game of trying to fill up their side of the page faster than the other. The room gradually filled with their growing laughter.

oOo

Logan awoke to the joyful sound of childish giggles.

In any other situation, it would have irritated him to be jolted out of sleep by someone else’s loudness. He heavily relied upon his body to wake him at the perfect stage of his sleep cycle to avoid any grogginess. Logan had made it very clear to the rest of the household a long time ago that they should not wake him unnaturally unless in emergencies. The others certainly didn’t seem to appreciate it on the rare occasion when Logan’s sleep cycle was interrupted and he had been far more impatient than usual.

Though this time Logan did not mind. Blinking his eyes open to see Roman and Virgil laughing together, joined at the hand and smiling brightly immediately dispelled any of Logan’s unsavoury feelings at being woken up. Though realising that he had fallen asleep while he was meant to be looking after the littles did cause him some guilt.

‘I apologise for falling asleep,’ Logan said, readjusting his glasses. ‘Have you two been alright?’

The two looked up at him excitedly.

‘Mom, I looked after Vee while you were asleep!’ Roman cried triumphantly.

‘Thank you, Roman,’ Logan said, ‘it appears you did a wonderful job.’ Both caregivers had realised Roman required a lot of positive reinforcement when he was little, so Logan always made a conscious effort to praise him.

‘Yeah, I did,’ Roman agreed with a big smile.

Virgil released Roman’s hand and stretched his arms out to Logan wordlessly as if he could somehow make them span the length of the living room floor. Logan immediately got up and walked over, settling to kneel on the carpet between both boys.

‘Have you been having fun with your big brother?’ Logan asked as he wrapped an arm around Virgil’s shoulders. Virgil hummed in confirmation and leaned against Logan’s side.

‘Do you like our colouring?’ Roman asked, tugging on Logan’s other arm harshly.

‘There is no need to pull, Roman. Just asking will do,’ Logan reprimanded gently, then looked down at the large piece of paper (A2 size, he noted) in front of him.

The page was decorated in an intricate, hand-drawn floral design, though the colours did not necessarily reflect the image. There were polka dots and spirals and scribbles and doodles of all different hues decorating the edges of the paper, with the middle of it still uncoloured. It was abstract and so something Logan would never normally have seen the point in. Though, he had to admit the disregard for conventionality was rather creative. And the smiles on Roman and Virgil’s faces were enough to convince Logan of the benefits of it.

‘It is rather colourful,’ he said. His neutral response appeared to disappoint Roman, so Logan promptly added, ‘and beautiful.’

‘Thanks, Mom!’ Roman said with a bright smile. ‘This is my side, and that one’s Vee’s,’ he indicated them with his pointer finger.

Logan looked at it more carefully, noticing the contrast between each side of the page. Roman’s colours were much more varied, seemingly using every colour available, and created elegant swirling patterns and smooth gradients. Not a single part of his side was left blank. Virgil’s side was much messier, with less variation in colours - he had used purples and blues mainly with some occasional hints of red. His pen marks were erratic and there were large streaks of white showing through the ink. His colouring was visibly less thought-out than Roman’s, appearing to be far more based on whimsy rather than aesthetics.

A quiet whimper sounded beside him and then Virgil’s face was pressed into his shoulder. Logan realised his quiet deliberation must have made him anxious.

‘The sides are both very different,’ he confirmed, ‘just as you two are very different.’ Virgil’s face pushed further against him. ‘Though they are both equally beautiful.’

He did not have much time to enjoy the look of surprise and delight on Virgil’s face before Roman was jostling his shoulder for attention again.

‘It was my idea!’ he proclaimed. Logan turned his head to him with an exaggerated look of surprise.

‘It was?’ he gasped.

‘Mhm,’ Roman nodded fervently. ‘Vee was nearly crying, so I said we should colour together to make him feel better.’

Logan smiled encouragingly, though tightened his hold around Virgil as he felt the younger side tense. Roman was not exactly delicate when mentioning Virgil’s tears. Still, he did not mean any harm and so there wasn’t much to be done about it.

‘That was very considerate of you,’ Logan said. ‘Your dad will be glad to hear it as well.’

Roman nodded to himself then jumped back into colouring with rekindled fervour.

Logan took the opportunity to give Virgil his undivided attention. It was a rare moment when Roman was occupied enough to not demand it for himself.

‘How are you feeling, Virgil?’ Logan asked, squeezing his shoulder lightly.

Virgil did not offer a response but looked up at Logan expectedly. He was evidently not very verbal at that moment.

‘Do you need anything?’ Logan asked instead, hoping the more direct question would encourage him to communicate.

‘Papa,’ Virgil whispered as soon as Logan finished speaking, the word muffled by his pacifier.

A sharp, unpleasant feeling spiked Logan’s stomach but he chose to ignore it.

‘Shall we go and show Papa the colouring?’ Logan asked.

‘No, it’s not finished yet!’ Roman interrupted.

Logan sighed quietly then turned to see Roman’s pouting face.

‘I believe dinner is almost ready,’ Logan said, going off of the appetising smells that filled the house. ‘And this is a rather large drawing. You may not have time to complete it before your dad sees it.’

‘He can’t see it yet,’ Roman mumbled grumpily. He started colouring again, though this time he was pressing the marker so hard against the paper it made a squeaking sound.

Logan wanted to respond to Roman’s tantrum but felt a gentle tug on his opposite sleeve. He twisted his body to see Virgil shyly holding a marker up to him.

‘For me?’ Logan asked redundantly, taking the pen.

Virgil pointed at the colouring page, his eyes pleading with Logan.

‘Oh, I see,’ Logan said. He considered for a moment then conceded, ‘I suppose I can help.’

Virgil smiled then picked up a pink marker and started scribbling.

Logan popped the cap off of his own pen and started to draw a simple square on the page. As the minutes ticked by, he experimented with various shapes and marks, though eventually settled on writing numbers chronologically. It was calming, and the boys didn’t seem to mind the difference, instead seeming pleased by the wild variation of work on the page.

It did not take long for the page to fill up, and by the time Logan was reaching the 130s their pens were crowding in on each other, fighting over the last few square inches of white paper.

Suddenly, there was a cold, wet swipe on Logan’s hand. With a slight delay, they all realised Virgil had mistakenly drawn over Logan’s hand rather than the paper. The pink pen clattered to the floor as Virgil recoiled from Logan, looking at him anxiously.

‘It’s alright, Virgil,’ Logan hastened to reassure him. ‘It’s only a bit of ink. No cause for worry.’

A mischievous giggle sounded from his other side and another cold tip tickled across his skin, this time on his forearm.

Logan looked over in surprise to see a red crown drawn on his arm. His gaze flitted up to Roman’s challenging smirk. If Roman were an adult at that moment, Logan might have accepted the challenge, but this was a child he was dealing with. He could contain his competitive nature if only to prove he would not sink to such silliness.

‘Highly amusing,’ Logan said, trying to get the right balance of playfulness and sternness in his tone, ‘but we should probably stick to drawing on the -’

He was silenced by a quiet giggle and yet another tickle on his opposite forearm. Virgil was scribbling on his arm happily now. Before Logan could close his gaping mouth, Roman was laughing boisterously and drawing on his arm again.

Logan’s gaze darted between the two impish boys helplessly for a few seconds. Then he raised his pen and said very seriously:

‘You both have made a grave mistake.’

oOo

Patton lifted the wooden spoon to his lips to taste his sauce and smiled at the burst of flavour. Perfect.

He dropped the spoon to the counter and turned off the stovetop. After closing the lid on the saucepan to keep it warm, he checked on the vegetables in the oven. Just a few more minutes and they would be done. Perhaps he could risk just a little bit of playtime with his boys while he waited. He rinsed his hands in the sink then started making his way to the living room, excited to see his family again even if he had only been gone for half an hour.

As he traipsed through the hallway, echoes of laughter became audible and grew louder with every step. Once Patton reached the closed living room door, he almost had to cover his ears from the squeals and joyous shouts that came from inside. He eased the door open silently, not wanting to disturb the fun before he got a chance to observe what exactly had them all so hysterical.

As soon as he poked his head around the door, a wide smile stretched his lips.

Heaped onto the carpet were three writhing bodies; Logan was at the bottom of the pile, his back propped against the front of the couch and his legs splayed out on the floor. They were trying to buck off Roman, who sat on Logan's knees and scribbled a pen over his shins, exposed by his rolled-up pant legs. Then there was Virgil, laid across Logan’s lap and wriggling around as Logan bunched up his sweater and scribbled a pen over his tummy. Virgil was doing his best to retaliate by drawing on Logan’s rosy cheeks, but he was flailing so much from the ticklish scribbling that he could not do much besides giggle and squirm. They were all laughing uncontrollably, gasping for breath as they wrestled playfully with one another.

Patton could hardly believe his eyes and hurriedly took out his phone to snap some pictures so that he would have proof later. The others were so absorbed in their play-fight that they did not notice his presence until Patton put his phone away and finally allowed himself to burst into goofy chuckles along with them.

They slowly seemed to notice the extra set of laughter and ceased their attacks to look over at him. Roman was beaming, appearing delighted that Patton had joined them. Virgil looked shy and curled close to Logan in search of comfort, though Patton could see his dimples and knew he was still smiling behind his pacifier. Logan had completely frozen, his smile dropping from his face within seconds and looking like a deer caught in headlights.

The logical side was so stunned that he startled when Virgil drew a heart on his cheek, evidently taking advantage of Logan’s obliviousness. The sensation shook Logan from his stupor and he looked down at the little in his arms and offered a playful mock glare. When Virgil giggled in response, Logan finally looked back to Patton.

‘They started it,’ he stated very seriously, contrasting the flush on his face.

Roman made a noise of offence and immediately started scribbling on Logan’s leg again. The logical side seemed uncomfortable to continue with Patton in the room, though.

‘That is enough now,’ Logan said. ‘I believe it must be dinnertime given your Dad’s appearance.’ Logan looked up at Patton almost pleadingly and Patton gave him the benefit of the doubt.

‘He’s right, kiddos, time to wash up before dinner!' Patton instructed the children.

Roman groaned loudly and collapsed on the floor by Logan's legs, his prolonged whine becoming muffled by the carpet. Virgil was far more cooperative and held his hands up for Patton to lift him.

Patton complied happily, grasping his arms and hoisting Virgil up to stand. As soon as he was upright, Patton pressed a kiss to his nose. The shorter side made a small sound of surprise.

Logan stood soon after, brushing off wrinkles from his pants. Roman still lay face-down on the floor.

'Come on, little prince,' Patton said. ‘Aren’t you hungry?’

'No,' Roman said stubbornly.

'Playtime is over, Roman, it's dinnertime now,' Logan stated.

'I don't need dinner!'

‘Falsehood.’

'Oh well, I guess Roman won't be coming,' Patton said loudly. Virgil made a noise of worry but Patton stroked his hair gently and winked over at Logan’s concerned look. 'It's a shame... I need a big boy who will help my baby wash his hands. Guess I'll just have to find another brave, handsome prince to help.'

Roman leapt up so fast Patton worried he would collapse from head-rush.

'I can do it, Dad!' he volunteered enthusiastically.

'Oh, thank you, sweetheart!' Patton grinned. He looked to Logan then nodded at Roman pointedly. The logical side nodded, getting the hint.

'Very chivalrous of you, Roman,' Logan praised.

Roman preened at the attention then reached out his hand to Virgil with a bow.

'I shall protect you with my life, young one.'

Virgil slowly reached out and held onto Roman's offered hand but looked up at Patton nervously.

‘I’m going to be right behind you, sweetie,’ Patton said. ‘I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.’

Virgil nodded and, led by Roman, the two toddled into the hallway.

As Logan tried to make his way past him to leave the room, Patton couldn’t help himself from giggling.

'So... They started it, huh?' Patton asked.

Logan paused in his path and fidgeted with his tie, straightening it where it had been misplaced by their play-fight.

‘Yes, well,’ he cleared his throat, ‘childish behaviour is to be expected of them.’

‘And it’s fun to join in,’ Patton added with a knowing smile. ‘Just because we’re the grown-ups doesn’t mean we can’t be playful too, Logan. I’m glad you’re having fun with them.’

Logan blushed though Patton saw a smile work its way onto his lips.

‘It is… invigorating,’ Logan said monotonously, then added with a concealed chuckle, ‘and they are quite endearing.’

‘Aren’t they?’ Patton agreed enthusiastically. He desperately wanted to add that Logan too was endearing in his own right, but something stopped him. Not because he didn’t truly believe it, but because he was frightened of Logan realising just how sincere the thought was.

Logan’s mouth opened and closed in quick succession. Then he seemed to abandon his train of thought with a shy smile. It made Patton feel dizzy.

‘Dinner?’

‘Oh, right,’ Patton shook his head lightly. ‘Forgot,’ he breathed through an awkward laugh.

Patton turned and made his way through the hallway in the direction of the kitchen with Logan close behind. He had a sudden thought, pausing by the bathroom door and gesturing for Logan to go through to the kitchen without him.

As he stood outside the bathroom he heard Roman explaining to Virgil that he had to wait for the water to get warm but not too hot and that he would check it for him so the baby doesn't hurt himself. Patton's heart swelled. He wondered when Roman had gotten so protective of Virgil, but didn’t care to question it at all. It was positively adorable.

He knocked on the bathroom door then eased it open when Roman called him in.

Roman's hand was stuck under the running tap, his t-shirt getting splashed slightly in the process. Virgil waited patiently behind him, still clutching onto his other hand.

‘Sweethearts, can you please use the potty before dinner too?’ Patton asked. ‘You both haven't been since you were big.'

'Okay, Dad,' Roman shrugged.

'Good boys,' Patton smiled then left for the kitchen.

Just as he and Logan served up the dishes, Roman and Virgil rushed into the kitchen. Well, Roman rushed in, Virgil was dragged behind him quite clumsily. Patton instantly noted the tension in the younger side’s shoulders.

'Are you alright, Vee?' Patton frowned.

‘He was too embarrassed to go potty,' Roman said, pointing at him.

Virgil's cheeks flushed and he ducked his head.

‘We don't point, Roman,’ Logan reprimanded.

‘Oh, sorry,’ Roman muttered, lowering his hand.

'It’s alright, sweetie,' Patton said, then turned his attention to the anxious side. He moved over to rub gently at Virgil’s shoulders, willing him to relax them. 'You didn't wanna go with Roman in the room?'

Virgil shook his head quickly.

'Okay, can you go alone for me?'

Virgil's head shook even faster.

Patton frowned and looked up to Logan for help.

'Virgil, can you tell us why you won’t go to the bathroom alone if not with Roman?' Logan asked calmly.

Virgil just whimpered and buried his head against Patton's shoulder. Patton instinctively petted his hair in comfort.

'Don't worry, baby. Come here,' Patton whispered.

He led Virgil by the hand back to the bathroom, noting how Virgil’s grip tightened as they drew closer. They stopped in front of the door and Virgil ducked behind Patton as if hiding from it. Patton would have thought it cute if it weren’t concerning him.

'Are you too scared to go in on your own?' he asked quietly, knowing Virgil would be more embarrassed if everyone could hear them.

Virgil nodded against his back. Patton slowly turned so that he could see Virgil’s reaction, though made sure his body still blocked his view of the bathroom as Virgil wanted.

'Okay, do you want Papa to come with you?'

Virgil's cheeks turned pink and he shook his head.

Patton felt lost on what to do but could see the whole ordeal was causing Virgil some distress, so he decided to drop it for now. If he needed the bathroom after dinner they could address the issue again. He probably just didn’t need it.

‘Alright, sweetheart, you don’t need to,’ Patton brushed his cheek lightly. ‘Shall we go have our dinner?’

Virgil visibly perked up and nodded his agreement, so Patton led them back to the kitchen where Logan had laid everyone’s plates out.

oOo

Dinner passed by easily, with excited chatter about what they had been up to that afternoon - mostly with Roman speaking on both his and Virgil’s behalf.

After they had eaten, Logan went to have a quick shower to wash off the pen ink and, after a lot of bargaining, Patton finally got the boys to agree they too would bathe, but later. Virgil was too young to bathe alone but also too self-conscious to let Patton bathe him. It was clear he wanted to wait until he was grown-up again, so Patton didn’t push the matter with him. The majority of his careful persuasion was directed at Roman, who did not have any issue with bathing alone (since he could come out of his littlespace voluntarily, unlike Virgil) but was simply stubborn. Eventually, he agreed to wash, though only if he could watch an episode of Steven Universe first. Patton didn’t necessarily mind the compromise.

After Logan got back from his shower, Patton and the littles had already watched one episode of the cartoon. As soon as Logan had entered the living room, Roman darted off to take his shower at light speed. He hurried back within minutes, his hair dripping wet, not wanting to miss any more of the show. Patton chuckled to himself at Roman’s dishevelled appearance, his pyjamas ruffled having been shoved on in a hurry. He would never have let anyone see him like that if he were his usual adult self.

Soon, all four of them were settled into the comfy atmosphere as the third episode started up. Patton and Logan both sat in the middle of the couch. There was barely any space between them, though they didn’t acknowledge it aloud. Meanwhile, Roman and Virgil sat cross-legged on the carpet gazing up at the screen.

They seemed to be enjoying the show far more in their younger mindsets: Roman was bouncing lightly and reciting lines along with the characters animatedly. Virgil was much more subdued, though Patton noticed he had been swaying gently from side to side for the past couple of episodes. He was sure it was a sign Virgil was relaxed and enjoying the cartoon.

Patton slowly began to feel the exhaustion seep into his body, suddenly aware of the fact that he hadn’t had much opportunity to relax that day. He truly didn’t mind that Roman and Virgil were somewhat demanding when little, he enjoyed being there for them. But his head felt heavy and, without a moment to reconsider, he let it drop gently to Logan’s shoulder.

He waited with bated breath to see if Logan would protest but was pleasantly surprised when Logan’s arm very gently curled around his back. He smiled and tried not to squeak with the bubble of excitement in his chest.

A few more minutes passed in peace, and Patton wasn’t sure when but his eyes had fallen shut. It was not often the house felt so tranquil.

Then, out of nowhere, Virgil gasped. Patton’s eyes shot open to watch Virgil clumsily jump onto his feet and bolt out of the room without a word. His pacifier tumbled to the ground where he had been sitting just a second ago.

The other three were shocked into silence for a moment.

‘Huh?’ Roman frowned back at his caregivers, his eyes noticeably settling on Patton and Logan’s cuddling. Patton unwrapped himself from Logan with a faint blush, though any embarrassment was far overwhelmed by concern for Virgil.

‘Was there a monster on the show?’ Patton asked.

‘Not at all,’ Logan said, sounding just as bewildered as the other two.

‘I’m going to check on him,’ Patton said as he jumped up and followed after the younger side without hesitation.

He jogged along the hallway with a heavy feeling in his chest, mind racing with worry. The house suddenly felt bigger than usual. When he rounded a corner, his heart stuttered at what he saw.

Virgil was facing away from him, doubled over in the middle of the hallway. From the back of him, it looked as if he was in pain and clutching his stomach.

Patton rushed over to his side in panic.

'Baby, are you okay? What’s -'

He cut himself off when he realised what was happening. Virgil's eyes were wide with fear, his knees trembling, his hands covering his crotch. They failed to conceal the large wet patch that was quickly spreading on his jeans.

'Oh, sweetheart,' Patton cooed sympathetically, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Virgil only just seemed to notice Patton's presence and he startled then quickly ducked his head in shame. His shoulders shook as a puddle gradually formed at his feet.

'It's okay, baby,' Patton whispered, rubbing his hand over Virgil's back. He gently shushed Virgil’s sniffles for a few moments as the boy’s pants and socks quickly became sodden. When the puddle on the floor finally stopped spreading, only a couple of seconds passed before a hoarse sob bounced off the walls.

‘Honey, it’s alright, I promise,’ Patton desperately reassured him.

He wrapped him in a tight hug and Virgil’s hands immediately clutched at the back of Patton’s shirt. The anxious sighed cried into his chest and the sound broke Patton’s heart.

‘It’s just an accident.’ He kissed Virgil’s head. ‘Don’t worry, sweetheart.’

Logan’s head suddenly popped around the corner a few feet away, clearly having heard some of the commotion. Patton watched silently as Logan’s eyes fell to the floor and the realisation quickly dawned on him. When he looked up from Virgil’s predicament with a concerned glance, Patton shook his head at him very lightly, not wanting Virgil to feel the movement. He didn’t want to see Virgil even more upset knowing that Logan had been witness to his accident too.

‘Mama is keeping Roman busy in the living room,’ Patton said over Virgil’s head with a pointed look at Logan, ‘and I’m gonna give you a warm bubble bath. Doesn’t that sound nice, baby?’

Logan tiptoed back to the living room without a word.

Unaware of Logan’s brief appearance, Virgil spluttered a little on his tears, the sound muffled against Patton’s shirt. It wasn’t an agreement, but it also wasn’t a denial so Patton took the small victory.

He eased Virgil out of his hold, holding him at an arm’s length as he wiped away his tears. It was pointless, though, as they just continued to fall with Virgil’s shaky breaths. Patton wished he could hold his baby until he stopped crying but he didn’t want Virgil’s skin getting irritated by his wet clothes. Plus, he was sure the poor boy wouldn’t want to be stood in his accident for longer than necessary.

‘Let’s go get you cleaned up,’ Patton smiled softly at him.

He wrapped his arm around Virgil’s shoulders to guide him towards the stairs, silently twirling his pointer finger behind his back. The carpet cleaned itself magically behind them.

Once they had reached Virgil’s bedroom, Patton left Virgil standing by the door while he speedily picked out a pair of underwear and pyjamas for him. He heard Virgil’s soft whimpers and sniffles grow louder and more frequent when he stepped away from him, so he was sure to make quick work of it before his absence upset Virgil any more.

He hurried back to Virgil’s side with the clothes and kissed his forehead tenderly.

‘Good boy, you’re so brave,’ Patton praised. He was forced off of Virgil by a firm head shake.

‘Bad,’ Virgil choked and hid his face in his hands.

Patton’s heart ached.

‘You’re not bad, little one,’ he said, crouching slightly so they were level. ‘It’s not your fault. I should have gotten you to go to the toilet earlier. I’m sorry, baby.’

Virgil shook his head again but didn’t offer any words. Patton assumed he had been pushed into a younger headspace and had gone non-verbal.

He led Virgil to the upstairs bathroom slowly, being careful with each step and rubbing his back soothingly the whole time. When they had reached the door, Virgil’s posture suddenly righted itself and he looked at Patton through his bangs. The older side was shocked to see a strange, distant look in his mismatched eyes.

‘I’m, um,’ Virgil’s voice was still slightly babyish, though there was a forced deepness to it. He quickly cleared his throat and took a deep breath, completely avoiding Patton’s eyes. ‘I-I’m older now. I can do this on my own.’

To say Patton was surprised would have been a severe understatement. Virgil never came out of his headspace so suddenly; even when he had made an effort to end his regression prematurely in the past, Virgil could pretend to be an adult all he wanted but it had been too clear that he was still mentally a child. Right now, he didn’t necessarily sound regressed but there was something wrong about it that Patton couldn’t quite pinpoint.

‘But - Kiddo, are you sure?’ Patton tried not to sound upset, though it was harder to keep the confusion from his voice. ‘You seem a bit off, Stormcloud.’

‘It’s Virgil,’ the anxious side grumbled, then grimaced at his tone. ‘I-I’m sorry, Papa… Patton . Thank you for helping, but…’ He held his arms out for his clothes, still looking at the floor. His hands were shaking.

Patton wordlessly handed the pile of clothes over, not knowing what else to do. He watched dejectedly as Virgil rushed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut without another word. The lock clicked instantly and Patton took a deep breath before turning away.

As the sound of water running started in the bathroom, Patton wandered through the hallway and into the living room, feeling disturbed by the interaction.

‘Patton, you can’t leave a toddler to bathe alone,’ Logan sounded mildly panicked.

He was sitting on the couch with Roman on the headrest behind him, braiding his hair.

‘He’s not regressed anymore,’ Patton said. Logan looked just as shocked as Patton felt.

‘He’s… But that never happens,’ Logan said, frowning.

Patton didn’t know what else to do except collapse wordlessly onto the couch beside him. He rested his head on Logan’s shoulder with a small sigh.

It wasn’t that he loved Virgil any less when he was an adult - he loved all versions of Virgil equally - but it felt unnatural for the boy to switch between headspaces so suddenly. It must have had something to do with the accident, but if anything Patton would have expected it to push Virgil further into his regressed mindset, not tear him out of it.

‘Is Virgil okay?’ Roman questioned.

‘Of course!’ Patton said in his usual bubbly voice, not believing his own words. ‘He’s just showering. Don’t you worry, little prince.’

‘But I heard crying before. What happened?’ Roman shuffled down from the back of the couch, sitting on the armrest and frowning over at both of them. When neither caregiver responded, Roman sighed. ‘I’m a grown-up now, you can tell me.’

‘Uh,’ Patton stumbled, pushing his face further against Logan’s shoulder as if he could hide from the question.

‘Nothing for you to concern yourself with,’ Logan said easily.

Roman huffed indignantly as he pushed himself off of the armrest and stomped across the room. He flopped into the armchair on the opposite side of the couch, pointedly facing away from Logan with his arms crossed. Patton couldn’t conceal his amused smile. Roman obviously wasn’t as grown-up as he claimed to be.

‘I care about him too,’ Roman mumbled. The pout in his voice was audible.

‘We know you do, kiddo,’ Patton reassured him. He felt guilty for making Roman upset, though he knew it was not a good idea to tell the creative side about what had happened. ‘You’re such a good big brother. It’s just… not polite for us to talk about Virgil without him knowing.’

Roman turned his body to squint suspiciously at them. After a moment, he seemed satisfied and smiled.

‘Okay. Do you like Mom’s hair?’ he asked excitedly.

Shaking off the brief shock from the sudden change in subject, Patton lifted his head from Logan’s shoulder to look at Roman’s handiwork. A braid circled the crown of Logan’s head, intertwined with a few daisies from the backyard.

‘Aww, how beautiful,’ Patton gushed.

He raised his hand to stroke along the strands of hair, twirling some loose tendrils around his fingertips. He wanted to comment on how soft Logan’s hair was but paused when he saw Logan’s shoulders were tense.

‘S-sorry,’ he quickly dropped his hand. ‘Should’ve asked to -’

‘No! No, it’s,’ Logan cleared his throat. Patton swore he could see a faint pink dusting his cheekbones. Logan’s lips twitched into a small smile as he briefly met Patton’s eyes before looking away again. ‘It is… acceptable.’

Patton dropped his head back to Logan’s shoulder, hiding his own blush. He didn’t miss the smug smirk on Roman’s face before he closed his eyes, pretending to take a nap.

A few minutes passed by with only the sound of Steven Universe playing on the TV, supplemented by Roman singing along with a musical number. After the ending credits song, Patton heard the TV click off followed by Roman’s whining protest.

‘We can watch more tomorrow,’ Logan’s voice rumbled through his chest and Patton breathed deeply with the comfort of it. ‘It’s nine o’clock so that means no more screens.’

‘Fine,’ Roman sighed, but Patton knew he wasn’t nearly as put out as he was trying to sound. ‘Can we listen to a book?’

Patton opened his eyes with a smile. It had become an almost nightly ritual for all members of the family to sit together and listen to an audiobook to wind down before bed.

‘Of course,’ Logan said. Patton loved the way Roman’s face brightened.

‘Yay! Ooh, can we have Paddington Bear? No, Winnie-the-Pooh! Oh, wait, wait, wait,’ Roman yelled, clearly getting bombarded by more ideas.

‘Hold on, kiddo,’ Patton laughed, ‘how about we ask Virgil to choose between those two? Then you both made the decision together.’

‘Yeah!’ Roman clapped his hands in excitement then something caught his eye outside the open door. ‘Virge, you’re back! You gotta help me pick a book!’

Patton heard a shuffling outside the room and lifted his head from Logan’s shoulder so he could hear better.

‘Oh, really?’ Virgil’s voice sounded soft and wobbly. ‘Uh, a-actually I’m suddenly tired. So, I-I’m probably gonna…’

‘Oh,’ Roman’s face dropped and his eyes followed what Patton assumed was a retreating Virgil. Roman turned a sorrowful look back on his caregivers. ‘Did I say something wrong?’

‘I’m not sure,’ Patton said honestly, just as confused.

He felt Logan nudge his shoulder and he looked to him in question.

‘I’ll talk to him,’ Logan said.

‘Thank you,’ Patton whispered and shifted to allow Logan to get up.

Logan offered a firm nod then quickly rose to go and follow Virgil.

Watching him leave the room, Patton sighed and hoped Logan would be able to figure out what was going on with Virgil better than he could. For now, Patton just focussed on getting that kicked puppy look off of Roman’s face.

‘How about we get some hot cocoa before your Mom can tell us off about it?’

oOo

Logan walked up to Virgil’s door and knocked gently.

‘Virgil? May I speak to you?’

He spoke quieter than usual, certain that Virgil would likely be in a state of distress from the incident in the hallway. There was a moment of silence before he heard a reply.

‘Yeah, sure,’ Virgil called through the door. His voice was distinctly uneven.

Logan heard a faint sniffling as he pushed the door open and was unsurprised to see Virgil sitting cross-legged on the floor in his softest pyjamas. Minty, his Triceratops plush, was clutched tightly to his chest. As Logan had theorised, Virgil did not look as grown-up as he had had Patton believe.

Logan closed the door behind him gently and lowered himself to kneel on the carpet a few feet in front of Virgil. He thought it was best to leave some space between them so that Virgil did not feel threatened in any way.

‘Patton tells me you’re not regressed anymore,’ Logan said. His doubt must have been obvious in his tone because Virgil immediately bit his lip and looked down to his lap. ‘Is this true?’

‘Dunno,’ Virgil whispered into Minty’s green fur. His voice was minuscule and Logan sighed.

‘Is this because of your accident?’

Virgil’s eyes went wide and welled up, his lip wobbling dangerously. It was all too obvious that he was in no position to have an adult conversation.

‘I don’t think you are grown-up, are you?’ Logan tutted gently. ‘How old are you right now, Virgil?’

The anxious side’s face crumpled and he hid behind his toy with a whimper. Logan quickly moved to kneel beside him, knowing he needed physical comfort.

‘No one is upset with you, I promise,’ Logan said, keeping his tone soft and quiet so as not to overwhelm him. He placed a comforting hand on the side of Virgil’s head and the younger side immediately leaned into the touch. ‘I know you wouldn’t lie to your Papa on purpose. You were just a little confused earlier, weren’t you?’

Virgil nodded into his toy.

‘Can you please tell Mama how old you are?’ Logan asked in his most baby-friendly voice.

Virgil slowly dropped the soft toy, looking up at Logan hesitantly. Eventually, he held up two fingers.

‘Only two? That is quite young,’ Logan said. He smiled encouragingly at Virgil and was happy to see the worry fade away from his gaze. ‘Much too young to be on your own. Do you want to come to listen to a book with me, your Papa, and your big brother?’

Virgil nodded and was millimetres away from sucking on his thumb before Logan quickly intercepted it.

‘Let’s get a pacifier for the baby,’ Logan said.

He patted Virgil’s hand then reached for the soft toy by their legs. He located the zipper sewn into the dinosaur’s back and opened the hidden pocket that was filled with various pacifiers. He held it open in front of Virgil for him to pick, and after a few seconds of deliberation, Virgil pointed to one. Logan took it out and held it in front of him.

‘Can you tell Mama what colour this is, Vee?’ he asked.

When Virgil was regressed, Logan liked to test him on simple questions such as this for several reasons: Firstly, it helped to establish a fun, educational atmosphere that Logan thought would be beneficial to his mental wellbeing. Secondly, it helped Logan to gather a clear idea of Virgil’s mental age at the time going by his speech and knowledge of certain things, proving beneficial to Logan’s understanding of Virgil’s regression. Lastly, it encouraged Virgil to communicate with him, which Logan hoped would be beneficial to their relationship.

‘Boo,’ Virgil muttered with a tiny smile.

‘That’s right, blue.’ Logan smiled back at him, knowing from experience it was an exercise in futility to try to correct his pronunciation.

He popped the pacifier in Virgil’s mouth without any fuss, then placed Minty back on the floor gently.

‘Light blue is your Papa’s favourite colour,’ Logan said. ‘Shall we go and show it to him?’

Virgil nodded and held onto Logan’s hand preemptively. Logan slowly rose from the floor and helped Virgil to do the same. He started to lead the way to the door but was stopped by Virgil tugging back on his hand and whining a little. Logan turned back in concern.

‘Is there a problem?’ he asked, then saw how Virgil’s gaze was fixed on the pile of stuffed animals on his bed. ‘Oh, I see,’ Logan said and walked them over to the heap of soft toys. ‘Can you choose a friend to come and listen to a book with us, Virgil?’

Virgil reached for his black cat plush and held it to his face with a smile, stroking the fur against his cheek.

‘Glad you could join us, Jiji,’ Logan greeted the toy and smiled when Virgil gasped.

Logan never made it obvious that he knew every single one of Virgil and Roman’s toys’ names. It amused him when they were shocked to hear him remember them so he kept up the pretence just to enjoy their endearing sounds of surprise.

Logan led both Virgil and Jiji back to the living room with a light heart.

‘Look who’s back,’ Logan announced as they stepped into the room and saw Virgil blush at the attention, hiding his face against Logan’s arm.

‘Aw, yay!’ Patton smiled brightly. ‘I missed my baby.’

Virgil looked up at Patton then pointed wordlessly to his pacifier. Logan saw a flash of confusion briefly cross Patton’s features.

‘Yes, that’s you,’ Patton said, obviously trying to guess at what Virgil was indicating.

‘Virgil picked his pacifier all by himself,’ Logan supplied with a surreptitious eyebrow raise. ‘Do you like the colour?’

‘Oh, yes!’ Patton said, suddenly understanding what Virgil had wanted to show him. ‘That’s my favourite colour, baby. It’s so pretty!’

Logan felt Virgil fidget under the praise. He shared a fond, amused smile with Patton.

‘Vee, you gotta choose between the two bestest bears ever!’ Roman yelled, all but bouncing in his seat.

‘Yes…’ Logan said but frowned at the high energy in the boy. He had not been so excitable when Logan left, so the logical side grew suspicious of what had caused the change.

Sure enough, his eyes landed on the chocolate coated rim of the Mickey Mouse mug in Roman’s hands. He gasped and shot a reprimanding look over to Patton. The moral side sunk into the couch looking as guilty as ever.

‘Patton, this is the time to wind down, not the time to consume sugar!’

‘But I made some for all of us, Lo,’ Patton countered. He indicated the coffee table where Logan’s NASA mug, Patton’s frog mug, and Virgil’s Jack Skellington mug all sat steaming, filling the air with the rich scent of chocolate. ‘Plus hot cocoa is technically warm milk, so it’s perfect for nighttime.’

Logan felt his reserve breaking when he realised how considerate it was that Patton had made some for everyone, but he remained steely. That is until Patton added with a sly smile:

‘I added a shot of hazelnut syrup to your one.’

Logan pretended to think it over for a few seconds.

‘Alright, I yield.’ He led Virgil over to the couch, encouraging him to sit beside Patton. ‘But Roman really should not be given dairy.’

‘Almond milk,’ Patton corrected with a victorious smile, accepting Virgil into his arms.

‘And Virgil is too young to drink from a mug,’ Logan added.

‘No prob, Bob,’ Roman cut in. He snapped his fingers and the Jack Skellington mug promptly transformed into a baby bottle.

‘Thank you, little prince,’ Logan said. He made sure to pay Roman due attention, knowing how important it was for Roman’s headspace to show that Virgil was not the only one who needed taking care of. ‘Where would you like me to sit?’

Roman’s eyes widened, apparently delighted that he was given such an important decision.

‘Over there,’ Roman pointed to the corner of the couch furthest from Patton. ‘Then I’m gonna sit next to you and Vee!’

Virgil hummed in content from his place beside Patton and nuzzled his face against his papa’s chest.

‘A very good choice,’ Logan said.

Before sitting down he moved over to the coffee table. He handed Patton the baby bottle and moved the frog mug to the corner of the table so it was within Patton’s reach. He nodded when Patton thanked him and grabbed his own mug, moving back to the couch to settle in the corner seat. Roman had already made himself comfortable, his mug empty and abandoned on the floor.

‘What will it be, Virgil?’ Logan asked. ‘A marmalade-obsessed bear from Peru, or a honey-obsessed bear from England?’ He took a sip from his mug and struggled to contain a smile at the warmth that radiated through his chest.

‘Nunny,’ Virgil mumbled through his pacifier.

Patton made an inhuman squeal of affection.

‘Honey,’ Logan echoed, unable to hide his smile now. It was undeniably adorable how Virgil’s speech was impeded by his regression. ‘Are we all ready for Winnie-the-Pooh?’

At the two shouted confirmations from Patton and Roman, Logan pulled out his phone to set up the bluetooth speaker. Within moments Stephen Fry’s voice filled the room with tales from the Hundred Acre Wood.

Roman clumsily wriggled his head under Logan’s arm to force it around his shoulders. Logan sniffed in amusement but acquiesced.

‘Do you want to hold the bottle yourself or do you want me to help you, sweetie?’ Logan heard Patton whispering during the introduction.

He looked over just in time to see Virgil pull Jiji up to hide his face. Patton’s eyes lit up and he giggled quietly.

‘Don’t be shy, baby. Papa’s here to take care of you.’

Patton gently took the pacifier from Virgil’s mouth and placed it on the armrest. Then he pulled Virgil onto his lap and held the bottle up to his lips. It was almost hypnotic seeing how quickly Virgil relaxed into Patton’s embrace, suckling rhythmically at the bottle. His eyes had fallen shut within seconds and a look of pure contentment settled over him.

Roman laughed at a part in the story and Patton looked up at the cheerful sound. He caught Logan watching Virgil and they exchanged soft smiles before Logan looked away again. Roman’s head fell onto his shoulder and Logan closed his eyes in contentment. He leaned back against the headrest, letting the sounds of the room blend into one calming symphony; Virgil’s suckling, Patton’s cooing, Roman’s giggling, and the narration sending him into a blissful sleep.

oOo

Reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated! ♡

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#ts agere #sanders sides agere #agere virgil #cg patton #cg logan #ts agere fic #little/big series #little accidents big developments #little/big series fics #agedre roman

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the-gay-in-the-way · 4 years

Text

An AU after ages of absence

Alliteration is fun, isn’t it.

Anyways.

Was listening to a bunch of random songs from musicals and stuff while playing solitaire and imagining scenes in my head of my fave characters putting on a performance with the songs.

As you do.

And I had a fun AU idea.

So, basic setting is in a high school.

Main point tho is that Roman and Remus are twin brothers with rich and slightly overbearing perfectionist parents, Virgil has one older sibling and a bunch of younger siblings who were all adopted by his two dads, Deceit is Patton’s brother from a literal other mother who lives with his mom while Patton lives with his dad and mom, Logan lives with his single scientist father who loves him very very much but who is just as emotionally stunted as his son is, Thomas is an actual adult who works as a teacher at their collective high school.

Below the cut here is some further info on the AU. It’ll take a few post for me to get it all written out properly and stuff. I’ve got quite a few thoughts about it.

Roman and Remus are Virgil’s neighbors.

Which leads to some strange circumstances when they’re small children.

Because Roman and Remus, unsurprisingly, live in a rich ass neighborhood.

And so does Virgil.

Because his fathers are famous.

For those of you who remember these two, it’s Mackenzie and Ansley who are his fathers.

Mack is a famous fashion designer while Ann is a famous model.

And they live in that nice house cus it’s big and in that rich neighborhood cus it’s safely guarded.

Otherwise, Mack and Ann enjoy living relatively simply with their children when they aren’t busy with work stuff.

This leads to their children, tho capable of being very “celebrity appropriate”, seeming actually quite normal.

Virgil in particular just likes being comfortable and quiet when he’s living his everyday life.

Which is why everyone at school, when they hear he’s supposed to be living in the rich neighborhood, start to doubt him.

They call him a liar.

They say he’s just trying to act better than he actually is.

They start to hate him.

And Virgil, who’s young and shy and just trying his best, is forced to build up a hard shell around himself as quickly as he can to keep himself safe from his peers.

It certainly doesn’t help that his teachers also hate him for simply being born into a well off family.

He gains no friends in his elementary school but gets a couple from his neighbors.

This occurs when he’s outside in his backyard by himself one day.

The house behind his sometimes has music playing loud enough that he can hear it pretty clearly.

The music is usually from musicals of all kinds and he grows pretty fond of listening to it.

So, whenever he notices the music playing, he goes to the backyard to listen and sometimes even sing and dance to it.

This is one of those times when the music is playing.

Virgil’s had a rough day at school and his fathers are out of town on traveling business while his older sibling is out with some friends, leaving him alone with just the “babysitter” who is essentially just a polite young woman who watches the house and makes sure he and his sibling aren’t actually dying while his parents are away.

So he’s left to feel terrible all by himself in the backyard.

A particular song starts playing eventually, “Man or Muppet” from the Muppets.

He knows the song and it’s kind of matching up with his conflicted mood right then so he starts to sing it without noticing that there’s someone else in the other backyard today.

He sings the first part of the song by himself until someone suddenly joins in for the accompaniment from the other side of the fence he’s sitting against.

He startles and almost runs away with an apology before the person/people on the other side shout for him to come back and continue singing with them.

He does so after a bit of cajoling.

When the song is over, the people on the other side of the fence praise him and ask him to stay and sing some more with them.

And, because this is the first time someone other than his own family members has actually wanted to spend time with him, he does so.

He stays there singing songs with the two on the other side of the fence for hours.

Until he’s called back inside because of how dark it’s getting.

And the two kids on the other side of the fence request that they do this again.

That, next time, he should just come over to their backyard so they can dance together as well as sing.

And Virgil does.

And that’s how he gains his first friends in the form of Roman and Remus.

Roman and Remus don’t have an issue in making friends.

They’re loud and enthusiastic kids that find it easy to talk to other children their age.

But the friends are never really friends.

Just other kids that like sharing treats with them or are forced to talk to them because of family connections.

The brothers themselves don’t really enjoy spending time with the other kids as much.

They do so because their parents say that they should.

But when they spend time singing with Virgil that day, they finally find themselves wanting to spend time with someone other than each other.

They practically beg their parents to let the shy kid from behind their house come over the next day.

And when he finally shows up at their front door, looking shy and scared but acting even more polite and collected than the young woman accompanying him, they drag him away to continue with their activities from the day before.

It becomes a regular activity for the three of them.

They see each other essentially every single day.

It even reaches a point where all three of them become almost obnoxiously good at climbing things from having to climb over the fence between their yards all the time.

Roman and Remus absolutely adore Virgil.

He sings and dances without restraint, enjoying the scenes they all act out together just as much as they do.

He listens to Roman’s fantastical stories and even plays pretend with just as much dedication as him.

He laughs at Remus’ gross jokes and is just as willing to get gross while playing with mud or food or homemade goo as he is.

And he adores Roman and Remus just as much as they adore him.

Roman is always happy to indulge in his inherited interest in makeup, nails, and clothes making.

Remus is always happy to indulge in his quiet love of all things halloween and horror.

And the two of them love music and acting just as much as he does.

The three of them become the closest of friends all throughout elementary school.

But then middle school comes along and they can no longer see each other in person.

Because Roman and Remus are forced to move away to spain with their parents.

And, because of his own parents’ wealth, Virgil gets to visit once or twice a year.

But, for the most part, they can only stay in contact through voice calls, video calls, and texting.

It’s good enough for them, even if they’d all prefer to see each other in person instead.

Thankfully, this only lasts for a little over three years.

A little ways into their first year of high school, Roman and Remus finally return.

They even enroll in the same school as Virgil so that they can attend it together this time around.

This leads to some wonderful scenes which is what led to this AU in the first place.

You see, after spending so many years getting used to singing and dancing alongside each other, it becomes an ingrained habit to follow along and join in when one of them starts a musical number.

It led to the three of them putting on tiny performances of musical numbers in public places when they were kids a few times.

It happened every time Virgil came to visit them during middle school.

And it happens again when they are reunited in high school.

One such moment is when Remus starts up “Sincerely, me” in the middle of lunch after he and Roman show up to school for the first time.

Virgil is very quickly dragged into the number with him while Roman applauds them both for the performance once they’re done.

Virgil, having simply gone on instinct to join in without thinking, gets very quickly embarrassed by so many people seeing him doing something like that and ends up running away.

Since, at this point in time, he’s gained a very clear and guarded reputation in his school life that is meant to keep him safe from any other kids that might try to mess with him.

Another moment is when Roman essentially drags him into an audition for their school by performing “A Lovely Night” with him.

Virgil instantly refuses but can’t properly leave the stage in time before Roman starts.

So he just sits on the bench on the stage, looking at his phone with a scowl on his face while Roman sings the song and tries to gently coax him into eventually joining in.

Roman, as the song goes on without Virgil even starting to smile or look up at him, eventually gives up when he reaches the end of his part of the song and ends up just sitting on the bench next to him and looking a little sad and disappointed.

Virgil, meanwhile, just gets more annoyed from how guilty he feels about not joining in even tho Roman is the one who dragged him out here.

So, when Roman finally looks away from him with that disappointed look on his face, Virgil gives in with an even more irritated scowl.

In perfect time with the music, he puts his phone away and then crosses one of his legs over the other in an exaggerated movement before turning to Roman and singing his part of the song.

Roman, unsurprisingly, is absolutely delighted.

And this time, Remus applauds from where he’s been watching and ends up dragging Virgil out with him a second time when he wants to perform his own audition with “El Tango de Roxanne”, which Roman ends up jumping into without warning or even prompting simply because they’re all so used to performing it together that it’s habit.

With this one, Remus basically drags Virgil out with him, starts the music before Virgil can even let out a complaint, and then begins the dance number as he always does.

Virgil, who’d always been particularly good at falling into a dance number, goes along with it instinctively before his mind can catch up with his body and make itself leave the stage.

And he can’t just leave the performance half done either.

That would be blasphemy.

And, unfortunately, both Roman and Remus know this quite well.

So Virgil ends up dancing with Remus thru the entire song with Remus singing the main vocals while Roman joins in to sing the second main voice part and Virgil adds in the small accompanying secondary voice parts.

There’s more to this entire AU that I’ve thought of and really like.

But this is all I’m gonna post right now.

Might say more about it later.

If not, well...

Here you go then, I guess.

This is the AU.

It’s some of my favorite bits at least.

So there’s that.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #sympathetic remus #made a high school AU for once #really enjoying thinking of scenes with the sides dancing and singing together #always a good time

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jzixuans · 5 years

Note

Hey, I've been feeling down recently and was wondering if you had any Logince headcannons. Platonic or romantic work, whichever you feel more comfortable with. Sorry if I'm bothering you.

aw lad don’t worry about bothering me i’m glad to share some headcanons ! i hope you feel better soon!

now, might i interest you in some childhood friends-to-enemies-to-friends-to-lovers logince? [PREPARE FOR A LONG ASS BULLET FIC I’M SO SORRY (google docs says it’s 4.2k words oh my god)]

they’ve known each other since the first grade because oh my god they were neighbours

they were the kind of childhood friends that were aware of each other’s presence and they hung out a little on the playground and worked on group projects but they didn’t really click

there WERE occasions tho where their parents would sit them down together for play dates bc one or more of said parents were Occupied with Important Adult Stuff

and since this was way back when they were wee lil smols, they were hyperactive lil children

so they played lots of adventure games, lots of role-playing, play fighting, that kind of stuff (twas often the dashing daring prince accompanied by his wise magickal advisor)

okay, so maybe they did click, but only a little (so they say)

they liked most of the same stuff, reading, learning, doing stuff with all that knowledge in those big brains of theirs, and that was pretty much the base of their close-but-not-that-close-friendship

and then they got older, and as all kids do, they started prioritizing different things

logan still loved learning and applying that knowledge, but it was more of a ‘learn and apply what knowledge can make you really successful’ and that was how he found his love of science

for roman, it was more of a ‘take what you’ve learned and use it to create your own path to success’ because he planned to go into music and theatre

as a result of this, both boys were exceptional students, except logan cared maybe a little too much about the academics and roman not enough

as the years went by, logan threw himself into studying, making schedules and routines so that he could make sure he knows what he needs to know and maybe a little bit more on the side, who cares if he lost an hour of two of sleep?

roman just learned to go with the flow, so he took everything in stride, took in what he needed, left the rest, and focused on his art instead, even if he’s started to grow an unhealthy apathy to school

and maybe logan falls just short of perfect on his tests, and he looks over and roman has glowing one hundreds in red ink on his

logan looks back down at his and the teacher has written ‘Think outside the box!’

meanwhile logan answers every question in class with scary accuracy, beaming with pride whenever the teacher praises him, and after school that same day roman gets pulled aside with an ‘I know you’re smart, so why don’t you want to put in the work?’

of course logan’s parents wonder why his grades don’t match his progress work, and roman’s parents wonder how he can spend all his time singing and dancing and still come out with high nineties (“is he cheating?”)

and the two have been drifting apart enough as it was, but now they kind of hate each other because ‘why can’t i just be more like him?’

logan starts hating roman because ‘he doesn’t even CARE, how is he doing better than me?’ (part of him misses the days when roman cared so much about anything and everything)

roman starts hating logan because ‘he’s so stiff and condescending, why can’t he just be happy for me?’ (and part of him misses when logan would so willingly stand by his side as his faithful warlock advisor)

so naturally, competition just kind of,,,, grows between them, until they’re constantly at each other’s throats and everyone else watching the shitshow go down has absolutely no idea where the hell all this animosity came from

at this point logan has a new friend in virgil fray and roman has befriended patton hart (virgil and patton know not to bring up the boys’ ‘rivalry’)

of course, being neighbours, they can’t exactly escape each other, and their rooms are adjacent to each other’s (they used to just lean out their windows and talk side by side, but they haven’t in yEARS)

so it’s nearing summer, and it’s hot out so roman’s working on his homework with the window open when he hears this cry of frustration, the angry pushing back of a chair, and the throwing open of the door

his first thought is one of smug satisfaction knowing that logan is dealing with school worse than he is, but then a flash of black catches his eye underneath his window

he makes it to the window just in time to see logan hop the fence in his backyard, and that only means one thing: he’s going to the old park behind their houses

neither of them have touched that park in ages

roman is Intrigued™, so he caps his pen, turns off his lamp and tells his parents he’s going for a walk before dashing out the back door

when he gets to the park, logan’s somehow managed to climb on top of the roof of the play structure

and roman ain’t slick so he just stands at the bottom and yells up to him

and logan is Lost In Thought so he nearly falls off (lbr roman thought it was funny)

“what are you doing here?”

“well excuse me, suck-rates, i happened to notice that you weren’t doing too hot and wanted to see if you were okay.”

“like you’ve ever cared.”

“woah there, is blink 180-ew rubbing off on you?”

“lay off of him.”

“alright, alright, fine. forgive me for checking in on you.”

“you have a horrible way of showing people that you care, then.”

“well you have a horrible way of being a good friend.”

it just kind of,,,, slipped out, and now both boys are Oh Shit

but both boys are also not the type to back down from their feelings so they kind of have the Silent Stare-Off of Stubborness

roman decides to be the bigger person (bc any chance to one-up logan) and cave first

“so uh, what’s been bothering you?” (psh you thought he was gonna apologize first? not yet fam)

logan rolls his eyes bc this asshole amirite, but he wants to vent and this is probably his best opportunity to tell roman what’s really been bugging him

“i don’t know how you manage to do it.”

“do what?”

“do so well in school! you don’t even try!” and damn dude that one stings because he sounds exactly like his parents and every other teacher

“so you’re angry because you’re jealous that i’m better than you at everything.”

“that’s not what i meant and you know it.”

“i’ll have you know that i do try.”

“but you don’t care.”

“about school.”

“what?”

“i mean yeah, sure, i don’t care about school that much because i don’t really need it to go into music or theatre, but i still do my work.”

“but―”

“don’t you dare say anything about my grades because you know damn well that you’re smarter than me.”

“am not―”

“besides, weren’t you the one that told me in the fifth grade that ‘grades don’t mean shit’? my my, what a foul mouth for ten-year-old logan crane.”

“shut up.”

“nah.”

and by now logan’s decided that roman’s probably not going to rip his head off so he climbs down to stand beside him

and maybe the sun is setting bc i’m a classy romantic

and they’re having a Soft Quiet Moment

“…please don’t tell me that school was the only reason why u hated me.”

“… why did you hate me?” smh lo you’ve got to stop deflecting

“…”

“are you kidding me.”

“YOU STARTED IT”

“what no you did shut up”

and wOw now it’s awkward so

“oh would you look at that, it’s getting late, my parents are gonna think that i’m slacking again, better go. good talk let’s do this again sometime okay byee” and whoop roman just zooms off

and logan realizes that maybe roman’s life isn’t as perfect as he makes it out to be

but too late roman’s gone and he doesn’t want to look like he’s following him so he waits a good half hour before trekking back home

logan doesn’t finish his homework that night because he’s too busy rethinking the past many many years

the next day, he’s frantically trying to cram his work in during his lunch period

virgil takes one look at him and he says “dude, are you okay?”

“no”

“cool, let me know if i can do anything to help.” and maybe it’s a cold answer but logan and virgil are cold edgy people so that’s just how they do

after like twenty minutes virgil takes out his earbuds like “you haven’t complained or sent one angry glare in roman’s direction what the fuck is up kyle”

“i’m just…. stressed.”

virgil, externally: “yeah of course i feel u dude.”

virgil, internally: “i’ve seen you start a project at 3am the morning it was due without breaking a sweat but go off i guess.”

skip to later that night, logan finished his shit (he needed a distraction from the Roman Crisis) so he leans out his window for some Fresh Summer Night Air

and oho would you look at that roman had that sa m e i d ea

but it’s one of those clear nights where you can actually see the stars and logan just got roman off his mind so he’s a lil distracted

but of course roman notices and now that they’ve gotten some of their ‘rivalry’ out of the way, he remembers how much logan loved to drag him out to the park as late as they were allowed to stay up to watch the stars, and logan looks so at peace here (he’s only really seen logan’s angry face recently)

roman wants to say something, because part of him really wants to make up with logan

but before he can work up the courage he’s interrupted by his mom calling him

“roman! are you done all your work?”

“yeah, mom! almost!”

“you better be going to sleep early tonight!”

and roman is about to duck back inside before he gets yelled at even more but oh no too late logan’s already noticed and now he’s staring at him

“uh, hey.”

“hi.”

“are you, uh, are you feeling better?”

“for the most part, yes.”

“that’s good. look, uh, i gotta go, but i’ll see you at school?”

“oh, right, yes. good night, roman.”

“night, lo.”

roman falls back into his room with a crash because ‘oh my god why was that more nerve-wracking than any performance i’ve ever done?”

logan sinks back against his wall with a sigh because ‘is roman avoiding me now?’

the next day at school the two actually say hi to each other in the hallway and it’s like the entire world stops moving. students are staring and whispering, virgil and patton exchange looks, and logan and roman only just now realize how big their rivalry had gotten

the two lock eyes and burst into laughter because something as simple as a passing greeting in the hallway has turned the school on its head

and the rest of the school has absolutely no idea what just happened when the two part ways, virgil and patton trailing behind them, dumbfounded

they catch each other on the way home, though they walk in silence

that night, they’re back at their windows, side by side once more, and they exchange small talk

a couple weeks later, exams are coming up around the corner and both boys are stressed out of their minds

logan’s still working well past midnight when he hears the old creak of roman’s window opening

“i see your lamp. are you still up?” he hears roman whisper, and maybe it’s the late hour, but his voice is hoarse and wobbly, and logan is most certainly not used to hearing that

“that’s a ridiculous question, of course i’m still up,” logan replies, still not looking up from his computer because his history final project is due in two days

except roman doesn’t reply, and all he can hear from his direction is shaky laughter, and then a wet sniff

“of course i’m ridiculous. it’s not like i’m smart or anything.”

“what?”

“if i were smart i wouldn’t’ve procrastinated this english paper and i could probably be getting some sleep right now,” roman continues like he forgot that logan was there

“roman―“

“and sure, i can do other stuff, but it’s not like it matters or anything, not to my mom, or mr. schmitt, or you―”

“roman!”

roman’s babbling stops and logan worries that he’s scared him off until he looks up and sees roman leaning halfway out his window and now logan’s worried that roman’s going to fall out and break his neck on his patio

roman’s eyes are red and his nose is rubbed raw from crying. his usually-perfectly-coiffed hair is messy and greasy from running his hands through it, his clothes are rumpled, and his grip on the windowsill is trembling

yet he’s still half out the window, eyes comically wide, and logan can’t help but shake his head at how big a dork he is

“i’m sorry.”

roman’s so startled that his elbows buckle and he barely manages to land back in his room so he doesn’t fall (didn’t expect logan to apologize first, didya?)

he’s barely back out the window when logan starts talking again

“i shouldn’t have dismissed you so quickly. you are intelligent and you are capable and you absolutely didn’t deserve any of my anger or bitterness or hatred. for that, i’m sorry.”

roman is, SHOCKED, to say the least. when they were kids, usually it was roman who apologized first, if at all, logan only after being prompted to by parents or teachers (which might’ve contributed to their drifting apart)

“i’m― thank you.”

there’s a pause because it’s late and logan is really really bad at this

“i’m sorry, too. i only really hated you because everyone kept comparing us. that wasn’t really fair of me.”

“i guess not.”

“so i guess we both agree that we’re both assholes.”

“essentially.”

“cool.”

“what were you going to talk to me about?” and roman has an ‘oh yeah’ because he completely forgot what he came out here for

“i guess i just missed doing this.”

“i did too.”

and they’re not completely in the clear, because they have years of hurt to clean up, but in that moment, they just sit and talk, and maybe missing one assignment amongst a whole year of perfect grades won’t hurt

they’re butts tired in the morning but neither of them regret it, regardless of virgil and patton’s comments of ‘how much sleep did you get last night? you look like you’re about to pass out.’

that weekend, their finals are all handed in, exams don’t start until the next week, and they’re both sick and tired of studying so logan invites roman over and they lounge in his star-speckled room, talking about everything and nothing

roman’s busy going through logan’s stuff (“what? i haven’t been in here since the summer before the seventh grade”) so logan has a free minute to just,, watch him, and he just now realizes how much he missed having this ball of energy in his life (in a positive way)

after that day, the tension between them is almost gone and conversations are so much easier (virgil and patton get to sigh in relief because ‘thank god, i love them, but they needed to get their shit together’)

but alas, exams approach and roman calls logan late one night, in tears and stressed beyond relief, begging him to meet him at the park (he would’ve called patton, but patton’s never really been under forced academic pressure, and logan’s just a smidge more familiar for him)

logan’s out of the house without another thought, and he sees roman sitting up on the monkey bars with his knees tucked up to his chest (‘oh my god roman don’t you dare fucking fall’)

“i’m sorry, you were probably sleeping, but i just needed to get out of the house and―”

“please don’t apologize for reaching out. what― what’s wrong?”

“i just can’t! my mom’s been threatening to pull me out of music if i don’t do well on this exam because ‘math is more important than music’ but i don’t know anything! i’ve been scraping by pretty well on tests but i can’t fucking study and none of the information is sticking and―”

“roman, you’re hyperventilating. you need to breathe―”

“don’t tell me what to do!” roman regrets this Immediately because logan recoils his hand like he’s been burned. great, just another thing to feel Bad about. “i-i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

if this was a month or two ago, logan would’ve had a scathing remark about roman’s inability to control himself but now he just places his hand back on roman’s shoulder and taps gently with his finger

“you remember that school assembly from grade nine? the one about mental health?”

“yeah?”

“can you do that breathing exercise?”

“probably”

ten minutes later, roman’s cried himself out and he’s stopped hyperventilating but he can’t seem to stop his hands from shaking

logan has absolutely no idea what to do but he’s seen patton do it before with some of the younger kids so he holds his arms out (v awkwardly) and goes, “would you― would it be― would a hug help?”

this gets a lil laugh out of roman because he’s trying and that’s adorable so now he’s cry-laughing into logan’s shoulder

“your mother sounds an awful lot like your horrendous dragon witch. i suppose we must simply team up to defeat her.”

roman draws away so fast he bumps into logan’s chin

“OH MY GOD YOU REMEMBER THAT”

“like i could forget it”

“oh my god”

“i mean, i wanted to, but those were… fun times.”

“hell yeah they were.”

“when’s your exam? i can help you study, if you want.”

“in about seven hours.”

“…change of plans, you’re coming back with me, you’re going to sleep for six, wake up, get a cup of tea, and we’re going to do a brief review before school.”

“…okay.”

so they walk back to logan’s house (roman makes sure to tack a note to his bedroom door for his parents, he’ll face the consequences later), and they just, collapse into a pile of leggy boi on logan’s bed (they were too tired to argue about formalities)

logan wakes up with roman clinging to his chest and he very sorely misses that warm cuddly heat but Nope he is Determined™ to help roman get that bread

so he wakes roman up, plops his notes down in front of him and tells him to flip through it while he goes to make breakfast

roman is a jittery Mess all the way up to the exam, but logan promises that he’d be waiting in the cafeteria for him (it was his lunch period’s exam day so he a Free Boi) and he leaves roman with a “you are more capable than you know. you already have everything you need to succeed. and no matter what, you are valid.”

two hours later, roman comes out and he has Zero Confidence in his results, but logan greets him with a clap on the shoulder and the reassurance that “at least you’re done with this.”

they meet up with virgil and patton and go for lunch, and oho, perhaps this is the beginning of a New Squad

at the end of the week, on exam review day logan’s waiting out in the hallway to go to his next class to see his results when he sees roman sprinting down the hall with the biggest grin on his face

“i got an 84!!! thank you, you beautiful blessed nerd!!” because honestly? roman expected nothing more than a 52 so this was a very pleasant surprise, and now roman’s hugging logan so tight that logan swears he heard his elbow pop

the other students of the school are still processing because it was literally only been a little over a month since they started talking to each other again, and anyone out of the loop just got hella whiplash

(and if this burst of happiness and gratitude left a weird, bubbly feeling in logan’s stomach, well, he’ll just keep that to himself)

the next few summer days are spent hanging out, in their rooms, at their windows, at the park, and sometimes, virgil and patton join them

sometimes they’re in roman’s room, roman typing away on his computer with a dozen open notebooks scattered around him while logan lays on his bed, and the two bounce ideas back and forth for the next adventures of the daring prince c and his faithful advisor logos

and then they’re two weeks into the summer break, virgil’s off visiting family in china for the next few weeks and patton’s in the caribbean, so they’re just aimlessly tossing a ball back and forth in roman’s room while they talk about their futures and stuff because “oh my god they’re gonna be high school s e n i o r s in the fall“ ((‘gee, blink, don’t u think that’s a lot of drama for 16 y/os?’ yes absolutely, shut up))

roman chucks the ball at logan, who catches it in one hand and he’s smirking and roman has to take a moment to catch his breath because ‘why was that so hot omg’

over the next couple weeks the two are basically joined at the hip, and when they’re not hanging out, they’re texting or calling each other and it finally feels like they’re really making up for lost time

at the same time, they may or may not be falling for each other and they have no idea what to do with these Feelings™

logan doesn’t know how to what to do because virgil is v aro and the only other person he can talk to is roman, whOM HE HAS A CRUSH ON

meanwhile roman is v frantically texting patton like bro pls call me as soon as u get back there’s a cute boy hELP

it’s nearing the beginning of august when the two go into town to get food and ice cream and they’re laughing and joking and waving melted strawberry ice cream in each other’s faces and they’re sitting on a bench when they lean in real close mid laugh and ‘oh no his face is rIGHT THERE’

they draw away real quick but both of them realize that ‘that wasn’t horrible?’ and they slowly look back at each other and ‘oh.’

“is this―”

“um―”

“is this― i mean if you want it to be ― is this a date?” and roman holds his breath because ‘dear god, please say yes’

“i’d like it to be, yes.” logan is terrified because he does n o t want to fuck this up

except now roman has the biggest grin and he absolutely does not care that he’s got ice cream dripping onto his leg

roman tackles logan into a hug because ‘he’s on a date with logan fucking crane’

logan is thrilled because now he gets to keep this excitable ball of energy who’s made him smile and laugh more in the past couple months than he has in years

(no diss against virgil and patton, but they can’t relate to logan and roman as well as, well, logan and roman)

they both have ice cream on themselves but neither can be bothered to care at this moment because they’re so damn happy

even after they go home that night, they stay up real late at their windows, side by side, just appreciating the company

it’s the next day, and they’re at the park, the sun is setting ((listen,,,, it’s an aesthetic)) and they’re sitting on the swings, holding hands ((they’re in love, babey!!))

“are we… does this make us boyfriends now?” logan is a v technical, official terminology person, of course he’d be the one to ask

“if you want to be boyfriends.”

“i don’t think i’d be asking if i didn’t.”

“then yeah, yeah we’re boyfriends.”

logan walks back into his house with a giant smile, and he plays that event over and over and over again in his mind as he lies awake in bed that night

roman calls patton immediately

and they may or may not scream about it together

logan sends virgil a short text that goes along the lines of ‘roman and i are dating now’ but in real life he’s so giddy that his fingers shake as he types it out

they have their first kiss in roman’s bedroom a couple days later

when school rolls back around in the fall, they walk through the doors hand in hand

and now their rivalry is nothing but a legend that the seniors tell the freshmen whenever someone complains about ‘that one couple that keeps making out in the math wing stairwell, excuse me, i just want to get to class’

#logince #romantic logince #logan sanders #roman sanders #ts logan #ts roman #thomas sanders #sanders sides #blink writes #long post #anon #cursing tw #i am sO SORRY THIS IS LATE #I HOPE UR FEELING BETTER BUDDY

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takerfoxx · 5 years

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She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Season 3 FINALE, First Impressions.

=slowly sits down with my head in my hands=

=heavy sigh=

All right.

Let’s do this.

When we last left Adora, she had been instructed to “go back to the beginning” without really knowing what that means. But first she took a detour (with Madam Razz’s blessing) to go get Glimmer and Bow first. And when she arrived.

Oh. Oh no...

At first I thought reality had molded itself exclusively into what Catra wants. But now we see that it was doing it everything, creating a superficially perfect world. And in Glimmer’s perfect world, she has a wonderful relationship with her mother, Bow is still around but working as an apprentice historian (which, uh, raises...questions), and...

...um...

...and her father is still alive.

We finally meet King Micah, and he is every bit the loving and supportive father and husband he’s been made out to be. I was already steeling myself to be emotionally ravaged by this episode, but that got me. And it goes back to what I’ve said a hundred times before: execution is everything. I’ve seen this trope so many times, where a main character wakes in an alternate reality that’s happier than the one they’ve known, usually complete with a happy relationship with an absent parent. And normally it doesn’t do anything for me, but because this show had worked so hard to make me care about these characters, seeing King Micah there with his wife and daughter...it got to me. And it’s interesting to note that the “perfect” reality is constantly remodeling itself. When Adora was in the Fright Zone, the invasion was well underway with her having led the attack on Thaymor that we saw in the pilot and they were all gearing up to go after Mermista. But since the Fright Zone had been consumed by the collapse, the invasion had never even happened, and those in Brightmoon didn’t even know what the Horde was.

Unfortunately the collapse is still underway, and it comes to Brightmoon. Fortunately Glimmer and Bow come to believe Adora and they make their way to go see Entrapta for advice, but not before Glimmer’s home is destroyed, and not before Angella remembers who she is and has to say goodbye to Micah for the second time. What makes it worse is the heavy implication that this Micah isn’t some illusion conjured up to make her and Glimmer happy, but might be the actual Micah, returned from the dead. He seems to actually remember everything for himself and realize what’s going on...mere seconds before he’s consumed.

Fuck.

Anyway, reality starts really breaking down then, and the BFS start getting shuffled around from place to place at lightning speed, all the while watching people they care about disappear. Fortunately, Entrapta lasts long enough to let them know that not only is reality collapsing around them, but it’s following Adora specifically since it was her sword that opened the portal. That’s why different places don’t seem to fall apart until she goes there. Entrapta also let’s them know how to bring things back to normal: they need to find Adora’s sword. Unfortunately, doing to will force whoever removes the sword from the portal to stay behind. When I heard that, I knew.

And well, they set off to do just that, but by then things have already gone too far. Reality is now truly fucked, cycling them through space and time. We see the old Etheria before it was removed from the universe. We finally meet Mara, hundreds of years in the past.

And we watch Bow and Glimmer disappear as well.

Yeah, I knew they were coming back, but by then I was so wrapped up in what was going on that it utterly destroyed me.

But Adora isn’t allowed time to grieve, because the long-awaited confrontation has finally come. Catra has found her, and she is so obsessed in denying Adora any sort of victory that she’ll gladly let time and space collapse in on itself and kill them all if it means that Adora loses.

Their battle through various various places we’ve visited throughout the show is in many ways a follow-up to The Promise, which was probably my favorite episode in the first season. They used to be so close, but now things have gone too far, and their relationship is all but unsalvageable.

It’s then that Adora finally realizes that she can’t save her former best friend. Catra’s just too far gone. And as much as I love Catra and really do want her to find some measure of peace, Adora snapping back that no, she’s not the one to blame for how Catra turned out and punching her with an emphatic, “You made your choice! Now live with it!” was incredibly satisfying. Because she’s right. No, what happened to Catra wasn’t her fault, but ultimately she has to start taking responsibility for her own actions and stop blaming everyone else.

Well, Shadow Weaver could still stand to shoulder a good chunk of that blame...

And then we get to that scene.

Well, you’re not wrong. And in the wise words of one of my childhood heroes...

I mean, I called it, didn’t I? I knew that the big tragic event was coming, and while I only figured out that it would be Angella, I still figured it out. But even though I saw it coming, even though I had time to brace myself, it still...

...

Fuck it.

Look, I have a very...complicated relationship with my parents. My dad is pretty mentally ill. At the very least he’s bipolar, and probably has several other things wrong with him too, causing him to be subject to sudden and extreme mood swings and paranoid thoughts. On top of it, he badly hurt his back when I was a kid which has left him in constant pain to this day, and what little details I’ve heard of his own childhood has painted him as being a damaged abuse survivor (sounds like someone else I know). As for my mom, well, she’s kind of like me, only a little less so. She’s a bit on the spectrum herself, and I’m pretty sure that even if she’s not outright aromantic, then she’s pretty damned close, and she has her own shit from her own past to work through. As such, he went into marriage looking for love, companionship, and support, while she was just getting married because she felt it was the thing to do, and she also wanted kids.

So while I’m glad that my brother, my sister, and I were brought into the world as a result, it’s clear that they never should have gotten together. Their relationship was constantly toxic and often mutually abusive, moreso on my dad’s end. And when you’re an autistic kid craving a stable and predictable environment growing up in a house that was anything but, when an offhand comment is perfectly fine one day but grounds for a full-on blow up the next, well, it’s...not exactly ideal. I was never physically or sexually abused or something like that, but one day he could be the goofiest, friendliest person in the world and the next one tiny joke will set him off. I mean, it wasn’t all bad. Hell, some of it was pretty great. He really did try to be a good father, and we shared a lot of the same interests, but he was a broken man in so many ways, battling demons that were just stronger than he was.

Anyway, they finally divorced when I was eighteen, and while that was pretty volatile, that was when I finally started to break out of my shell and develop into being my own person. Since then I’ve developed much healthier relationships with both of them. My mom and I have always gotten along great despite us sharing very few interests and having polar opposite political beliefs, and I still stop by to visit every other week to go to the movies or whatever. As for my dad, well, time, distance, and reflection have helped me to understand him better. I always knew that he truly does love us and was trying his best to be a good father, but he was sick and in constant conflict with his mind, with his body, and with his marriage. Nothing ever seemed to work out for him, and it got to him. But I’ll never forget this one story my mom told me about how soon after he had broken his back and lost his job as a result he would force himself to walk to job interviews despite being in so much pain that he could barely cross the parking lot, just because he felt that he had to provide for his family. I’ll always respect that about him, and while it doesn’t excuse the way he would often treat us when his demons took control, I understand him much better, and I pity him more than I resent him.

So, all of that big, long personal tangent to say this: I kind of am a sucker for stories about parental figures who are deeply flawed but do genuinely love their children and just work so hard to do right by them even if they don’t really understand how.

I bawled at the end of Logan despite not really being a big Wolverine fan. Yondu’s funeral in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 is probably the only time a Marvel movie made me tear up. Brave might be considered one of the lesser Pixar movies, it will always be one of my favorites.

Angella had been devastated by the loss of Micah, and that made her terrified of losing anyone else. It’s what caused the rift between her and her daughter. It’s what made her too scared to act. But despite labeling herself as a coward, she ultimately performed the bravest act, willingly laying down her life in order to save Etheria while trusting her daughter’s safety to Adora.

Oh, Angella, you were the bravest one of us. I hope that wherever you are now, you found Micah there waiting for you.

The portal is closed, and reality is restored. But there is plenty of damage to go around. That glare that Adora shoots Catra tell volumes about how their relationship is now. And just that sad look on Hordak’s face as he touches the stone (which bears the run for Loved in First Ones’ Language!) in the armor Entrapta made for him also said so much. You know, I never considered the idea that an evil overlord might have some kind of redemption story. Those are usually reserved for rivals like Catra or good-hearted minions like Entrapta. But if they go that route...I’m not at all opposed. At the very least he has a very compelling character arc, and I really do hope he and Entrapta reunite.

Also, while I am okay with Shadow Weaver working for the good guys now, I hope she’s not let off the hook for all the pain she’s caused. Catra’s wrong about a lot of things, but she is right about how it’s messed up that Shadow Weaver just gets to be one of the good guys after all she’s done. Still, I trust this show to handle it right.

But poor, poor Glimmer. She’s the queen now! She’s the head of the Rebellion! She finally got what she wanted, but in the worst possible way.

And as for that stinger...shit. Reality might have been saved, but Hordak succeeded in getting his message out. And now Horde Prime is coming, and he’s bringing the Horde, the real Horde with him

Well, I guess that wraps that up. I’m all caught up with the show and it’s about halfway through its planned run. Thank you so much to everyone to pushed me into watching this show, I thoroughly loved it. Now we wait together.

#she-ra #spop #adora #catra #angella #king micah #glimmer #hordak #entrapta #abuse tw #reaction

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theother-will-grayson · 5 years

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So in a lot of human!aus I see the sides have completely different jobs and Roman is really the only performer but like...Thomas is a musical theatre nerd so it makes sense to me that all of the Sides would be different types of performers adding little bits of themselves in every performance.

I go to a performing arts college as a musical theatre major, so I know what I’m talking about. Therefore, I present:

Sanders Sides as Musical Theatre People That I Know and their signature Broadway song

(Deceit and taglist under the cut)

Roman

There is no one gayer.

The only boy in the first semester advanced ballet class.

Will not stop twerking randomly, always goes clubbing.

Specializes in over the top funny songs, but can play a really grounded and real leading man when he wants to.

Has really solid instincts, but sometimes needs to let the song or scene be funny because it’s funny rather than the fact that he’s funny

Idolizes Beyonce

Knows the lyrics to everyone else’s songs

Always trying to steal female songs

Very new Broadway (Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Be More Chill, Wicked)

Always down to be the background dancer in your song for you.

Never afraid to make the bold choices as an actor.

Pretends to be an overconfident bitch who roasts the shit out of people just to be funny but is actually down to earth and incredibly kind.

Open fascination with famous musical theatre divas

Signature song: Could be “I Believe” from Book of Mormon or “I’d Rather Be Sailing” from A New Brain

Patton

Special skills include looking like a smol bean but then will kick the door down and belt his heart out.

Incredibly supportive to a fault

Always shouting things like “I DON’T OBJECTIFY MY FRIENDS BUT YOU’RE SUPER SEXY YOU’RE SLAYING”

Has a cute aesthetic and then one day shows up for a scene in a sexy minisKIRT WHAT THE FUCK (and slays it???????)

Definitely has a sound you would not expect

Can flip between sexy growl belting and a classic operatic sound a la Kristin Chenoweth

Is always super philosophical and can get deep really quickly

Great taste in memes but will also talk about the current events he’s referencing with good knowledge on their impact.

Is incredibly kind but not above talking shit when someone is a dick, and therefore you know a person is really bad if Patton has a bad opinion of them

Is infamous across sections for being a neverending font of positivity

Mom friend, always a listening ear

Kind to teachers but doesn’t kiss ass

Casting type all over the god damn map

Signature Song: “I Am What I Am” from La Cage Aux Folles or “Bring Him Home” from Les Miserables

Logan

One of those actors that also takes writing and directing and film classes

Watches at least one new movie a week for fun and research both

Refuses to date for at least his first semester

A really precise actor to a fault

Can sometimes over think and over plan his scenes and songs

His best performance of the semester was when he had to do a song where he just sat down and sang a ballad without any blocking and it was so real and beautiful that everyone was fucking sobbing.

Always complimented on his work ethic

Universally beloved

Analytical and always working

A good scene partner who will never flake out on a rehearsal

Gives good notes, director friend

Fills out character analysis sheets and thinks about mannerisms etc. like his life depends on it.

Solid knowledge on different acting teachers and styles

Needs to rely on instinct more but is far from a bad actor.

Has more sound than you’d think

Signature songs: “What You’d Call a Dream” from Diamonds and “Purpose” from Avenue Q

Virgil

Actor that relies on instinct

Would kill to play Peter Pan

Does not take bullshit

Is really bad at taking notes because he forgets that a note from a director is not an insult to your skill, but a NOTE to make you BETTER

Has a hidden talent in sardonic comedy

Surprisingly good at silent physical comedy

Character actor -- can play a physical comic and dramatic roles with a big personality, but can nail being strong and real when he really tries

Loves playing angry roles

Great skill for playing chorus roles and bit parts

Not a dancer but he puts forth his best effort in every dance class

Has a hyperfixation on becoming really good at stage combat and juggling

Has an open disdain for certain popular shows like Cats and Grease

And gets really oddly excited about the shows that get glossed over sometimes like Godspell and Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

Gives really good notes and is extremely helpful in improving others’ performances, but is always afraid to speak up and give notes for fear of seeming like a dick who thinks he knows everything

Extremely self-critical and has gotten called out by certain teachers for being more critical of himself than they are of him.

Makes edgy jokes

That one person who always sings a song badly for the meme

Has a wealth of knowledge about musical theatre history in weird spots but not other spots that you would expect (for example can list an extensive timeline on how gay rights are connected to theatre and how closeted playwrights birthed the drag queen, or how Hello Dolly killed the movie musical, but got several questions about Sondheim wrong on his Musical Theatre History exam)

Is constantly watching video essays on film, will wax poetic about the directing style/acting style of ANYBODY he loves and has the knowledge to back it up.

Gives self-deprecating compliments

Needs to make people laugh to validate self

Love for old broadway

Idolizes the 25th Anniversary version of Phantom because of the screamo punk aesthetic and can tell you the exact timestamp where you can see Ramin Karimloo's wrist tattoo

Defends movie versions of musicals

Really wants to be a leading man but it just isn’t his casting type

Has a background in straight plays

Wealth of skill in technical theatre, background in competition shows and forensics

Signiature songs: “Santa Fe” from Newsies and “Extraordinary” from Pippin

Deceit:

Compulsive Liar

Constantly telling everybody about his long list of credits and everything that he’s done (he was in a Reeces Puffs commercial, he was in a circus and his favorite was the aerial silks, he’s a professional figure skater, he taught pointe to national champion ballet dancers even though he’s in low level ballet and he can’t do pointe himself, he can bench way more than the guy who works out all the time and is obviously bigger than him) and no one ever believes him because of all the bullshit he spews.

Idolizes the other guy who plays his type in the class and literally copies everything he does except worse.

Can be really condescending at times, always taking the lead in a bad way and ordering people around.

Everyone that doesn’t hang out with him regularly likes him because he’s charismatic while everyone who is in his class shakes their heads

Always buttering up teachers except he never takes their notes because he’s above them I guess

Rubs Virgil the wrong way the most

Always doing his own choreography in downtime during classes even though that’s really disrespectful to your current choreographer

Over indicates his acting

Is the one person anyone has ever seen Patton talk shit about

Never does his homework or reads the script like he’s supposed to -- once he didn’t know anything about Les Miserables of all things (”I think it’s French?”) and you just hear someone from the back of the room go “Didn’t you say you were in this show???”

It’s really a shame because everyone can tell that he’s a really talented singer and kind of a cool person and would be amazing if he stopped being an ass.

Signature song: “You’ll Be Back” from Hamilton

Taglist

@ironwoman359 @sandersstudies @cattonsanders

Also tagging @abraca-datass because Patton is definitely based off of her

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #broadway #musical theatre #headcanon #from the bitch that brought you veggie sides #amda #hamilton #avenue q

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 5 years

Text

We’ll Carry On - Chapter Fifty Eight

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

August 8th, 2015

Roman was panting. He and his mom had decided it might be a fun idea to go on a hike, but now it was super hot and they were out of water. Even though they were heading back to the car, Roman certainly wasn’t feeling better with that knowledge. “Mom, I don’t feel good...” he said, voice high-pitched but too weak to be whining.

“We’re almost at the car, Roman, just fifteen minutes,” his mom said. “It’ll be okay, my little knight. Can you make it fifteen minutes?”

Roman wasn’t sure. He shrugged and continued walking. Soon, he was barely doing that, and his mom had him propped up against her as she continued to walk. By the time they got back to the car, Roman was only seeing the world in smudges of color and the edge of his vision was going black. His mom immediately cracked open a water bottle they had left in the car and helped him drink some of it. “We need to be more careful, Roman,” she said. “You can’t push yourself until you almost pass out. For any reason.”

December 12th, 2020

“Well, it all comes down to this,” Logan said playfully. “The Saturday matineé. You know, you really didn’t have to stay after school with me yesterday just because I’m a tech. You weren’t scheduled for that night.”

Roman put a hand to his chest and made an affronted noise. “How dare you!” he exclaimed. “Of course I’m going to stay after school with you, it’s the very end of Hell Week, and there’s no reason you should suffer with the lights on your own!”

“Jack was doing the sound, I would have been fine,” Logan said, looking Roman up and down. “Your costume...I still don’t get why they made it like this.”

“This” being covered in tan glitter, with a few stuck-on starfish and shells for show. “I’m the sand guardian, guardian of the sand!” Roman exclaimed. “Seriously, though, if I’m supposed to pop up from behind where I was hiding in a sand dune while the mystery unfolds, then I have to look the part!”

“I still say you should have gotten a bigger role,” Logan grumbled.

“Hey, I got the lead for the second mystery, and I don’t want to have to memorize that many lines. After dealing with the Remus character, I may be able to memorize anything, but that doesn’t mean I can or should try,” Roman said. “Besides, Nick says that he doesn’t give out the lead roles easily. I’m honored that I even got one lead in the three-act mysteries.”

“True, Nick can be pretty picky,” Logan allowed.

Roman preened under the subtle praise. “You see? There’s no need to get upset on my behalf! I got a lead role for the play my freshman year, albeit the second cast. It’s still not something to gawk at!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Logan said, waving a hand. “Just be prepared for a lightning-quick costume change and try not to trip on stage, all right?”

Roman gave Logan a look with his eyes darting back and forth as he worried his lip. “Uh, yeah, about that...”

“What did you do?” Logan asked, his voice sounding more like a warning than a question.

“I didn’t do anything!” Roman defended. “But some of the other freshmen got their hands on kinetic sand for props, and they sorta...spilled some on the stage. Not enough to stain or make a mess, and they got most of it up! But the stuff they used to clean it means that the stage is still a little...slippery...”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned. “And you didn’t tell Nick this, because?”

“Because I thought it would have dried by now, it was like, ten this morning when it happened!” Roman defended.

Roman watched Logan’s face flit through several emotions, which mirrored the five stages of grief pretty well: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and when Logan sighed, his face showed resigned acceptance. “Well we can’t do anything about it now except pray it dries before tonight’s show. If you actually break a leg from that, I will kill the freshmen who did that.”

“You’re the best, Logan,” Roman said with a small thumbs-up.

“The only reason I’m not telling Nick is because I’m not the head of the props department and we can’t do anything, because we don’t have any towels to lay down that aren’t paper towels, and that wouldn’t end well,” Logan groaned. “Just know that Jack will kill you if you break your mic, and I’ll kill you if you break your neck.”

Roman laughed out, “Noted,” before Logan headed into the wings for one last lights check.

“Places, everyone!” Nick called in a stage whisper.

Roman dashed over to where he was supposed to be hiding, and grimaced as he realized he essentially had to lie down in the remains of the water and whatever-else the others had used to clean up the sand. Roman was probably going to dismember John before the day was up for messing around with the props. He should know better; he was a tech, after all!

The floor felt really gross, and Roman was pretty sure he never wanted to lie down for a solid half an hour on hardwood that smelled faintly of cleaning products again. The smell wasn’t too bad at first, but as time wore on it was starting to give Roman a bit of a headache. By the time he had to jump up over the fake pile of sand, he was feeling a little dizzy, but he still put his all into his performance, trying to avoid running on autopilot for as long as possible.

As the first act ended, Roman dashed offstage to get ready for his next part. The intermission was all the time he had to get out of his beach costume and change into a somewhat understated suit. He was sweating from the heat of the spotlights and he looked around desperately for a bottle of water that he could get a sip from, but he had no such luck. The curtain was about to go up and Roman had to get out on stage.

At this point, Roman was struggling to stay off autopilot harder than ever before. The spotlights were beating down and he was sweating underneath his suit coat. He made it all the way to the end of the act, focusing on the blocking and the lines, and not how miserable he felt. He walked off the stage, seeing Logan waiting in the wings. His mouth was moving, but Roman’s ears were ringing and he couldn’t make out the words. Logan reached out to Roman’s arm, but Roman kept walking. He needed to change for the third act, didn’t he? Sure, he was an extra, but he didn’t wear the full suit in the final act.

He paused in his way to the green room, suddenly feeling like his legs couldn’t move. He was panting, and Logan dashed over to him, grabbing him by the arms and shaking him slightly, his mouth moving over and over again in the same pattern, but Roman still couldn’t hear him.

Without warning, his knees buckled and his vision went dark and he collapsed to the ground as Logan’s grip on him slipped. Roman’s head throbbed, and he lost all sense of what was happening around him.

When he finally felt like his thoughts were coherent again and he could crack his eyes open, Logan, Nick, and Jack were all hovering over him. Nick was fanning him with a playbill, Logan was shaking and crying, and Jack was hugging Logan tightly. Roman blinked, trying to get his eyes to focus more than just blurry smears of color he could only recognize from past experience nearly passing-out and his vision going funny.

“Roman!” Logan exclaimed, entirely too loudly for Roman’s ears. “Roman, are you okay?! What happened?!”

A groan was all that could come out of Roman’s mouth. Jack bent down and instructed, “Logan, prop him up a bit. Just his head, if you can’t hold him all up.”

Logan propped up Roman’s shoulders and there was the crack of a water bottle cap opening, and Roman could have sighed in relief as Jack poured water into his mouth, which he eagerly swallowed. When Jack pulled the water bottle away, Roman whispered, “Thank you.”

“Roman?” Nick asked. “How are you feeling?”

“Bad,” Roman said. “Head hurts. Hot. Dizzy.”

“It might have been a combination of the chemicals and the lights that made you pass out,” Jack noted.

“What chemicals?” Nick asked.

“Oh...uh...” Jack squirmed. “Earlier today some of the freshmen techs spilled some kinetic sand on the stage and they had to clean it up, but the floor was staining and it took small amounts of floor cleaner to get it looking good as new again. I wasn’t told about this until after it had happened, right before the show was about to start.”

“Well, that’d do it,” Nick sighed. “Roman, your dads are being led back here, you were only out of it for two minutes. But you’re in no condition to get back out there. Rest up, and if you feel better tomorrow, you can be a part of the Sunday show. No pressure if you can’t, though; that’s what the understudies are here for.”

Roman nodded, which he instantly regretted doing, but Jack helped him drink some more water and Dad and Ami were ushered backstage. “Roman?! What happened?!” Dad asked.

“He passed out,” Jack said simply. “He should be okay, just needs some water and rest.”

“Okay,” Dad breathed. Ami looked visibly relieved as well.

Logan squeezed Roman’s shoulder. “Can you sit up?” he asked. “We can help you get out of here, but you need to be able to sit in the wheelchair they have.”

“Yeah, I think I can...” Roman mumbled, and pushed himself into a sitting position with some help from Logan and Jack.

As one of the techs dashed up to Roman with a wheelchair, Roman was helped to stand just enough to get in the chair thanks to Logan and Jack. He was then rather unceremoniously wheeled offstage. Logan went back to the lights, and Jack went back to the sound, but Nick, Dad, and Ami all stayed with him in the green room as he took sips of water. He needed to change out of the costume before he could even think about going home, and he just hoped that some color was returning to his face.

When he felt considerably better, Nick let himself out of the room at Roman’s insistence. He shook as he tried to push himself out of the wheelchair and groaned. “I can’t stand yet,” he mumbled. “I feel better, but not enough to change into my own clothes.”

Dad checked the time. “Well, everyone is going to be just about done with the play, soon. We should get you out of your costume before your classmates are flooding the place.”

Roman sighed. “I know,” he groaned. “But I can’t do anything about it.”

“I could help?” Dad offered.

“What?” Roman asked.

“The underwear you’re wearing isn’t part of the costume, right?” Dad asked. “And I know what you came in wearing. I can help you with the pants issues and you can handle the shirt yourself.”

“I...okay?” Roman said, voice rising at the end. It wasn’t like he had much of an option here.

“Rem, do you mind going back to the kids to make sure they’re not driving their grandparents nuts?” Dad asked.

“Sure thing,” Ami said, squeezing Dad’s shoulder. “Hopefully we won’t have to carry you to the car, Roman. If we do, though, it’s okay. We just want you to be safe.”

Roman nodded as Ami left. Dad wheeled Roman into the men’s dressing room. Roman was able to fumble with the buttons on the suit coat and slide that off somewhat easily, but his fingers kept slipping on the smaller buttons on the shirt. He growled in frustration as he continued to struggle with the buttons as Dad searched the room for Roman’s regular clothes.

When Dad had returned with the right clothes and Roman was still struggling with the first button, Dad gently pried his hands away and murmured, “It’s okay, let me do it.”

Roman sighed as Dad gently undid the buttons on his shirt. When he was halfway down the row, Roman sighed and muttered, “Sorry.”

“No apologies, Roman, this isn’t your fault,” Dad said. “It was a series of unfortunate events that led you to pass out, and obviously you’re going to be shaky afterward. Even if that weren’t the problem, I wouldn’t mind helping you. It gives me...”

“What?” Roman asked softly.

“It gives me a glimpse into what life would have been like if I had been there for you from the start,” Dad admitted. “Little kids are a lot of work, because they’re so dependent, but every once in a while there are intimate moments that it’s harder to get with older kids or teenagers.”

“It takes those rare moments where they become dependent after that to experience them?” Roman asked.

“Typically,” Dad agreed. He slid the shirt off Roman’s shoulders. “Let’s get your shirt on, and then we can deal with the awkwardness of pants.”

Roman laughed. “...Hey, Dad?”

Dad looked at him curiously as Roman put on his shirt with minimal difficulty.

“Part of my early childhood or not, I’m still glad that you and Ami are here for me now,” Roman said.

“Roman, there’s nowhere we’d rather be,” Dad assured.

#we'll carry on #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #logan sanders #emile picani #our creations #danger gays

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timeoutforthee · 5 years

Text

Like it or Not-Chapter 25

Taglist: @itsausernamenotafobsong, @sea-blue-child, @iaminmultiplefandoms, @princeanxious, @uwillbeefoundtonight, @zaidiashipper, @arandompasserby, @levyredfox3, @falsett0, @error-i-dunno-what-went-wrong, @scrapbookofsketches, @podcastsandcoffee, @helloisthisusernametaken, @amuthefunperson, @michealawithana, @yamihatarou, @heck-im-lost, @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur, @idkaurl, @bubblycricket, @fnp-alizay, @neonbluetiefling, @comicsimpson, @a-little-bit-of-ace

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings: disordered eating habits, death mentioned, parents not understanding mental health, general ignorance, parents fighting

Read it on AO3!

On the one hand, Logan’s support system was growing stronger. On the other hand, he started to see the cracks in its foundation.

Patton and the others seemed to be willing to celebrate any small victory, but his parents had much higher standards for him. They didn’t know what their son was struggling with, they just knew they wanted it to end.

Obviously, Logan thought to himself, They are my parents. They love me. They want me to feel better.

That was the mantra he repeated to himself, but some days it seemed less about love and more about convenience.

“What do you mean by that?” Thomas asks him.

“I mean…,” Logan trails off, unsure of how to phrase this, “They just don’t...understand. And part of that’s my fault, I haven’t taken the time to properly educate them, but sometimes I wonder, if I stopped this tomorrow, would they be happier?”

“It’s not your job to educate them,” Thomas says.

“It feels like it is,” Logan admits, “How else are they supposed to learn?”

“They’re adults, Logan, they should take the initiative to research themselves.”

“And if they don’t?”

“Well, then, they’re not being very supportive, are they?” Logan is quiet at that. “Have they been supporting you, Logan?”

It takes Logan a while, but he finally says, slowly, “No.”

“How do they react to this, then?”

“They ignore it.” They ignore me.

“Can you elaborate on that?”

“They take me to therapy, but we’re silent in the car. We don’t talk about therapy, they’ve never even asked about what I’m coming here for. They’re against me taking a psychology class. And there are certain things I have to do that they don’t understand and I-”

“Wait, pause there. What do you mean there are things you have to do?”

“Like I have to eat my food a certain way. Like I have to keep track of my calories. It’s just something I have to do.”

“I see, are there any more rituals you have to do that aren’t related to food?”

“No,” Logan says, “Well…”

"Yes?"

"There was the instance, when I was younger."

Logan was eight when he learned about death.

His grandfather passed away, quietly in his sleep, and suddenly death felt a little too real. He had seen it in movies and tv shows, but now suddenly it felt like it was around the corner. He knew it wasn’t after him, necessarily, but the main person he worried about was his grandmother.

So every time he visited, he’d leave, dragging his feet behind his parents, before turning and walking back up the steps to knock on her door. She’d open the door, and he’d nod, satisfied. But not for long. He had to walk down the steps and turn back around at least two more times before he would finally pick up his feet and follow his parents to their car.

“Why does he do that?” his grandmother asked one day when she thought he wasn’t listening. Logan had closed his eyes during a movie, and now he was slumped over on the couch. But he wasn’t asleep yet. “It’s annoying, you know.”

“Aww,” his mother replied, “I think it’s funny when he does that.”

“I do too,” his father said, shrugging, “Kids are a handful. At least with Logan it’s something as tame as knocking on the door a few extra times.”

“So you’re not going to stop him?” his grandmother says, her annoyance creeping in.

“Come on, Mom, it’s just a little quirk, he’ll grow out of it,” his mother says.

Mental health has a funny way of expressing itself, especially in kids. How people reacted to it could change the whole trajectory of an illness, completely changing their lives. And when it came down to it, when Logan started acting a little different, his family laughed it off.

Logan didn’t grow out of his knocking ritual, it only ended when his grandmother passed. And Madelyn and Kurt didn’t grow out of ignoring their son.

Thomas is staring at Logan, listening intently.

“Tell me, Logan,” his doctor says, “That sort of panicked feeling you had when it came to death before, do you ever have a similar feeling now?”

“No,” Logan says.

“Really? Not even when it comes to food?”

“I mean…,” Logan starts thinking. Thinking of the moments before he cuts his food, when he arranges his food on his plate, when he’s counting steps, calories, carbs…

“...yes.”

Thomas makes a note of that. “Logan, I have a question for you. Have you ever heard of obsessive compulsive disorder?”

“OCD? Yeah, though I’m not sure how accurately it’s been portrayed to me. It seems to involve a lot of cleaning.”

“Not quite,” Thomas says, “It’s when we have intrusive and upsetting thoughts-obsessions-that can cause us to perform rituals to try and keep them away-compulsions.”

Logan feels something in his stomach sink. “Why are you telling me this?”

Dr. Sanders smiles softly, “Why do you think I’m bringing it up?”

“I thought I had an eating disorder,” Logan says, ignoring the question.

“Oh, you do. One doesn’t cancel out the other. There is such a thing as comorbidity.”

Which makes sense to Logan. He’s read enough of his psychology book to knows it’s actually pretty rare to only have one mental illness. He had a feeling that a day like this would come, but he didn’t think it would be this.

“So...if I did have OCD...what would happen?”

“We would work on it,” Dr. Sanders says, shrugging, “I have an OCD workbook around here somewhere that you could work through, but it would also give us a new way to approach your eating disorder.”

“And you think that would be more beneficial?”

“I do. But we can discuss that at length next time. For now, we’ve run over time.”

Logan looks at the clock on the wall behind him. They’re fifteen minutes past when he was supposed to be out of here. His dad would probably be worried.

No, says a voice that’s a little too honest, Dad probably won’t care.

Dinner that night is tense.

More accurately, Logan is tense and it’s starting to infect his parents. They’re having hamburgers and fries which made Logan even angrier than he was because if they spoke to him for even a second they would know how much he hated french fries and how triggering they were. Yet they had the nerve to make passive aggressive glances at his plate and at each other as he was cutting the fries into bite sized pieces.

“How was school, Logan?”

And Logan knows he should bite his tongue. Should play nice like he always has, but after the session he just had with Dr. Sanders, he can’t put forth the effort.

“Fine.” Maybe if he just doesn’t talk everything will be fine.

His parents glance at each other which just makes his blood boil more.

“Are you sure, honey? You seem stressed,” his mom says.

And just like that, he deflates. Maybe he’s being unfair to them. Like he told Dr. Sanders, he never tried to educate them. Maybe it was time he tried.

“School was fine, I just had a stressful session,” he says, honestly.

His mom purses her lips, trying and failing to keep her face neutral. “Oh?”

“Yeah, we…,” Logan’s throat goes dry. He doesn’t know why talking about this makes him so nervous, but it does.

“Are you going to be done with that soon?” his dad asks, cutting him off.

“Done…? With therapy?”

“Yes, with therapy.”

“We haven’t discussed that at all. In fact we just made a breakthrough today, we’re going to start working on something new-”

“Breakthroughs should mean ‘almost done.”

“But I’m still struggling!” Logan snaps, “So that means continue.”

“Honey, I don’t think you’re struggling as much as you think you are. I mean, everyone has struggles, I think yours are normal.”

“They’re not!” Logan is getting emotional and he knows that’s only going to hinder his argument, but he’s getting desperate. “How can you guys not see it?”

“See what?” his dad asks.

“The counting, the compulsions, the-the,” Logan never stumbles over his words, but his emotions are overtaking him right now, “The OCD, the anorexia.”

His dad leans back in his chair. “Anorexia? Like when you don’t eat?”

“Yes, dad, when you don’t eat.”

His dad stares at him. There’s no recognition, no realization, no sadness. Just confusion.

“Boys don’t get eating disorders.”

And maybe Logan should have expected this or seen it coming, it’s not exactly an uncommon belief, but he’s always seen his dad as an intelligent man. Clearly, he would listen to reason.

“Mental illnesses don’t discriminate, they’re chemical imbalances in the brain-”

“Chemical imbalance? I thought you were talking about anorexia-”

“I am.”

“That’s a behavior. A behavior is choice, Logan,” his dad says, slowly, as if Logan is the confused one in this instance.

“Dad, that...isn’t the way it works.”

“Of course it is!” his dad says, “That’s the way it’s always worked, that’s the way it’s always been! Maybe these doctors you’ve been seeing are just hacks in disguise.”

“They’re not hacks what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about some new age doctors who think they know everything, when in reality they’re just taking my money!”

“They’re not-”

“You know what? I’m tired of waiting for this to be over. It’s over now.”

Logan suddenly feels like he’s been plunged into the arctic. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re not going back to therapy.”

“Dad,” Logan stutters, which is unusual for him, “Dad, you-you can’t mean that, I need it, please-”

His dad doesn’t say anything, just stands up and goes to his room.

“Mom,” Logan says, turning to her, “You can’t let him do this, please, I need therapy, I need group, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

His mom is staring at her plate. She finally shakes herself and looks at her son.

“I can’t control what your dad does.”

“You can take me to group,” Logan says, desperate, “please.”

She sighs, “We’ll discuss it.”

#lion #like it or not

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lizord-lord · 6 years

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The Invisible Language

(This is a vent fic. I was struggling with having to dump a friend yesterday and it got me dwelling on my social struggles..and so I tried my hand at actually writing a fic to project all my problems through! XD)

(For anyone who doesn’t know, I have autism-Aspergers specifically, and I totally 100% headcanon Logan as an aspie. I have this post detailing why. So..for those of you who also stan autistuc Logan (and maybe a bit of ADHD Roman) here is this, me basically throwing my entire life story on our poor nerd and I am so sorry but also not XD. Also, the book I mentioned is very real, and I actually own it. It’s really useful, if a bit dated and heteronormative)

Warnings: Descriptions of sensory overload (similar to a panic attack) social struggles, very brief mention of selfharm, mentions of fistfights and minor physical violence.

Ships: none, but you can probably see my logicality heart in there lmao

The Invisible Language.

It was all just so complicated now.

Or rather, now he knew how complicated it was.

Before, Logan had always just thought he was bad with people. That was fine. It fit, with his habit of staying inside with his nose in a book. The socially awkward, introverted nerd who wasn’t good with kids.

It was simple.

But that’s the thing. Life isn’t simple. And neither was Logan. Even as a six year old.

The socially awkward, introverted nerd, from what he’d seen on tv, would have cried or just silently tried to make due when another kid ‘accidentally’ spilled tomato juice all over his copy of Alice in Wonderland. Logan Sanders leapt from his desk, grabbed the kid’s wrist, and yanked him down so his head smashed into the wood.

The socially awkward one was laughed at. Logan was sent to the office.

Time and time again this would happen. Until he turned eight, and his parents pulled him out of school. He was homeschooled after that, and it was simultaneously like a breath of fresh air and entering a stifling hot room. He was free of the children, free to discover on his own, but he found himself itching for more, to ask questions about things his parents could answer, to do projects he’d heard about online but often ended up screaming in his attempts to recreate them because it wasn’t explained, why this, why that, how do I do that, it doesn’t make sense!!

Homeschooling was a blessing and a curse. He made due. He did well in fact, almost all of his online courses were marked complete with a neat 100 for the score. It was enough for them, but not for him. Eight year old Logan hated it. Ten year old Logan was used to it.

Eleven year old Logan dug his heels into it.

Middle school. His parents wanted to send him back. He understood their reasoning, the rational half of his brain did. Middle school was a big change, adolescence, and the middle ground before high school, which he always knew he would be going to-you can’t get college credit from online courses and library books after all, not the ones he was using. It would give him time to prepare. And yet he was a creature of habit, so used to his solitary life..

Logan has no choice however.

On the first day he stepped inside, armed with only the knowledge of American Girl books he’d skimmed through (who cared if they were meant for girls, they didn’t write helpful guides for boys!) and distant memories of elementary school. The first weeks went by as a blur, and Logan ate it up. The assignments, the grades, the smirk he always found himself wearing when he placed his assignments in the bin. That triumph didn’t even compare to the rush of pride and satisfaction he felt when the teacher told the class that he test they’d been given was apparently too hard, many kids failed and only one student actually got a perfect score, and his paper was handed back with a 100 written on the top.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t hold the paper up a bit and catch the eyes of the numerous people who stared at him with no surprise in their eyes.

Logan even found friends in those first few weeks. A darkly dressed kid who, much like him, never really knew where to go during paired projects and ended up working with him. He found that Virgil was actually very bright, a relief when he looked around the room to see people talking and not doing anything useful. The pale boy was quiet, but listened as Logan chattered away about his plans for the assignment.

Patton was next, a round-faced boy who seemed to share at least a few words with everyone he saw. Logan didn’t mind that. He wasn’t a lazy student, maybe a bit easily distracted, but when he was sat next to Logan in science his work quality was always at least a solid B, as long as he was shushed every now and again. He seemed better with people too, and Logan found himself enjoying his company.

Then there was Roman. He was introduced to their little trio by Patton, who apparently shared a drama class with the tanned boy. He was..a handful. And yet Logan found himself challenged by him. Their friendship was an unusual one, full of debates that more often than not ended in yelling, but at least they started off with intelligent points and interesting ideas-and if often Patton had to break off their passion so neither of them landed with lunch detention, well that was the price to pay.

He was enjoying himself here.

Then the second month. Logan remembered where he was when a redheaded girl told him he was wrong in that ‘you’re a moron’ tone when he told her that actually, the word for the study of space was astronomy, not astrology. When a boy in a green sweater had blatantly ignored him when he asked him to stop scooting his chair across the hard floors. When an entire group of people had continued to call him Logie even though he’d told them over and over he hated it. Many of them seemed to do it just because it annoyed him. This went on. Every day another simpleton would disrespect him. Every day he’d tell him to stop. Often he’d snap at them, or swear. That always got him snickers in return. And Logan found himself clenching his fists as his whole body burned red hot.

It happened again a week after this started. A boy with a Minecraft t-shirt cut him off in the lunch line, and when Logan told him to go to the end, the boy only scoffed and responded with “Are you in kindergarten?” in a tone that made his blood boil with how fucking snotty it was.

Logan’s hand was fisted in the back of that obnoxious t-shirt and pulling back with all its might before he could think.

The boy ended up on the floor crying, and Logan ended up suspended.

There were more incidents that year. Mostly yelling or swearing, but minor physical violence was not unheard of. It was common even.

Logan didn’t want that. He wanted to be cool, to drop the bullies and idiots with bullets of intelligence from his tongue, but everything he tried a witty comeback they’d give him either confused looks, no acknowledgement as all, or retort with ‘Your mom’ jokes, a sort of ‘insult’ that required barely a single brain cell to perform.

They never listened. They were stupid, childish, disrespectful. Logan stuck only to his three friends and the many teachers he’d grown quite friendly with, They liked him after all, he was precocious and that was something teachers always found fun. with adults, he also found he could make himself actually heard, his theories, ideas, suggestions, it was a glorious freedom he had previously only had with Patton, Roman, and Virgil.

But things didn’t get that much better.

In fact, in seventh grade Logan found his outbursts getting worse. They were farther and fewer between, but the eventual rage that would explode was far worse than before. It was like the dam that held back his rage had grown stronger, but that meant it took more water to barrel it over, and that sent far more devastating floods down the peaceful valley of his mind.

In eighth grade, he got into a fistfight with a boy who had called Roman gay as an insult, not knowing that it was true or that the word should not be used in such a manner. When the boy refused to listen to Logan’s explanation of what the word meant and instead switched tracks to scoffing every time he said it was a normal and perfectly acceptable, beautiful thing. And by the time the midget of a bigot tossed in the dreaded f-slur Logan’s mind was so crimson he only felt a rush of relief when his fist connected with the boy’s head.

It was two weeks of suspension for that. And it was during that time that Logan’s mother revealed something to him that he had never expected.

Tales of his childhood-or babyhood rather, where he had exhibited strange behaviors no other parent seemed to have seems.

“I think you might have Aspergers,” she had said.

And now, here he was. He couldn’t believe it had taken her this long to tell him of her suspicions. But now Logan was sitting on his bed, the blanket covered with constellations, staring at the cover of a book.

It was a familiar scene.

But this wasn’t a book chosen by Logan’s own hand, or by the school, or even a recommendation from his parents or a loan from his younger sister Abby.

It had been gifted to him by the man at the Autism Center.

The Asperkid’s Secret Guide to Social Rules.

He’d read the whole thing.

Before, he’d thought he was just awkward.

But no. Of course it couldn’t be that simple. It wasn’t that he just didn’t know that w to say. He was. missing an entire way of communicating that people his mind now knew as ‘neurotypicals’ spoke in without realizing it.

The secret language. Body language, facial expressions, tone, he knew that all existed yes..but he’d never seen it. At least not in the subtleties the book described. And all these double meanings of phrases? So the dark-skinned girl who had asked him what he was reading during math class didn’t want to just read the back and learn Sherlock Holmes’ latest mystery? She’ wanted to get to know him?

Why didn’t she just say so!

It was so much more complicated now. The vague, yet simple term of ‘weird’ was replaced by the vast, yet specific, confusing, and multifaceted word that was autistic. A word he’d never have expected to apply to him. Mental health went really a subject he’d looked into, feelings were too wound into it.. and feelings had always been his greatest vice.

So now, with that book in his hand, he thought.

There was a whole other world he couldn’t see..that’s what he had been missing all this time? was the specific shifts in tone in posture people made-what he’d always thought to be absently-something his parents expected him to understand and that was why he always seemed to have to be elbowed when running his mouth?

It was like….like telepathy. Yes, to Logan, the cues he now found himself putting extra effort into finding; his sister’s slightly hunched shoulders at the dinner table, his dad’s slightly turned up nose when he mentioned his history teacher, were a sort of telepathy that the ‘normal’ population all shared. But it wasn’t as if it was that simple. Of course, it was tauntingly, agonizingly complicated. You see, these people were all telepaths, sharing cues in an invisible tongue-and yet, none of them knew they were telepathic. And yet still, they all expected everyone else to be.

So that was why he was strange. Logan had looked up how much of communication was non-verbal - he felt his eyes go wide when he saw the percentage dedicated to ‘body language’.

Fifty-eight percent.

What else could he have missed?

Logan was both happy and uncomfortable with the diagnosis. He now knew terms, words, blessed reasons for his little ticks, why he felt like something was terribly wrong for at least an hour just because he’d had to take an alternate route to school (routine disruption), why was such a picky eater (finickiness caused by sensitivity to textures and certain flavors/smells), why people always responded with confusion whenever they saw him pepper the science teacher with question after question, challenge after challenge like he was trying to understand how the universe wove itself in the span of five minutes, and looked surprised when Roman asked him if he knew why Patton was being quiet. Logan had responded with a simple no, informing the other that Patton hadn’t told him-and when the slightly taller boy had suggested that he ask, Logan realized the thought had never occurred to him.

Most importantly, it explained what Roman had dubbed ‘The Fitness Fiasco’. To sum it up, Logan had thought of a new game for their groups to play in gym class—something besides basketball for once in their lives, and yet as he tried to explain, the girl who seemed to have taken charge of the group he was trying to explain the idea to kept talking over him, ignoring him, challenging what he said—and the noise. The noise, how all the chattering and the sound of balls bouncing on the floor, the rage he felt at being slighted in this way, how it had attacked him. How he’d suddenly found himself tensing, wanting to run or to yell, unsure which, how the sound turned solid and pressed in-his muscles going taut, his hands twitching with every word from the students mouths, how his arm violently jerked away as Patton tried to comfort him- And then the scream. He’d screamed at the top of his lungs for quiet, falling to the ground and sobbing in the fetal position—eyes screwed shut behind his glasses and hands clamped tight to his ears, unsure of what was even falling from his mouth aside from the fact that he was begging, begging for silence. It had only quieted a bit as people turned to stare, and then he’d felt hands on his shoulders, ones he jerked away from—but no one knew what to do. Virgil’s low whispers for him to breathe, to use the 4-7-8 method that the emo always used to calm his own panic attacks, was only met with more incoherent begging for silence. It had been Patton who rescued him, who brought the teacher over and ended up guiding the sobbing Logan to an empty classroom. There he had been met with silence. There he felt his terrified bawling turn to weeping with relief. In the silence, he’d recovered, his muscles lost the tension, and he allowed the freckled boy to wrap him in a hug.

He’d only been able to call it a panic attack before. But now he knew the term. Sensory overload, brought on my the noise and the stress.

It had been a relief just to know that. To know that in moments when he stood among too many people, feeling his muscles clench as their shoulders brushed his, that his hands should not go out to push them away, but to his ears, to block out the trigger.

It became a cue, when debates with Roman got heated—they were friends after all, if rivals as well, and it was understood that if Logan’s jaw suddenly clenched and his hands went up to cover his ears, they had to pause for at least a minute.

But of course, knowing where the holes in his social skills were led to Logan compensating, and it didn’t..always feel natural. He found himself staring at people, trying to read their faces, for a little too long on many an occasion, or overreacting to something because he’d overanalyzed the tone. He found himself having to bite his tongue on many an occasion to keep himself from simply explaining why he did what he did to his parents, who would only take it as making excuses.

It was a balance of the good, the bad, and the ugly. He understood now that his all-or-nothing attitude was why he found himself simply not doing projects if he couldn’t grasp the material—and this led to him having to more often than not, swallow his pride and ask for help when he was getting frustrated. Yet the same black-and-white philosophy got him gasps of shock from Roman when he explained that, in the story Roman had been iterating to him, the whole second half of the plot could have been avoided if Leealli had simply decapitated Sorcerer Kai while they were trapped in her dungeon. Roman had protested, saying it would make her just as terrible as they, but Logan had frowned, explaining that yes, the act was cruel, but if a single act of evil by her direct hand was all it took to stop countless others by her indirect hand, wasn’t it worth it?

But he had also been the one to convince Patton not to remain friends with Oliver, when one day, sitting on the cotton candy clouds that patterned Patton’s quilt, the smaller boy had confided in him that Oliver had vented about his habits of self-harm to the kind soul for three hours the night previous, yet refused any help Patton gave, shot down any attempt at saying he was worth more than he thought.

It was Logan who had took Patton’s hand and told him that people like that could only be helped by themselves and a therapist, that he should not take it upon himself to bear others’ problems in that way. Who had given him a hesitant hug and told him that his mental health was just as important as theirs.

His friends were his lifeline. Maybe they tripped him up—well, they definitely did, yet as much as he found himself apologizing to Virgil for seeming angry when he was simply tired and being a bit blunter and more insensitive with his words than usual (not that he usually was tactful or sensitive when it came to criticism, even constructive criticism) he found himself sighing in relief as the anxious boy shared with him his own experiences in worrying about the negative undertones in the words of others too much to be considered healthy. They would sit and talk about it, the same experience for two different reasons, one of them due to the irrational fear of people disliking him or being angry, and the other due to worrying he was doing something incorrectly that he was not aware of, failing to pick up on a crucial piece of information.

As much as Logan found himself and Roman butting heads, even shouting at each other during friendly debates gone sour, name-calling and snapping fault after fault, he reflected fondly on the time he had been ecstatic to discover that Roman’s own ADHD-riddled brain hyperfixated on Disney just as his own did on Sherlock, and they would both go on for hours about their obsessions while sadly recalling how old interests had faded.

As much as he often found himself hurting Patton unintentionally, and even worse, learning that Patton had been hiding that fact from him for weeks as to spare his feelings, as difficult as it was to convince (well, more plead with) Patton to tell him these things, as he wouldn’t be offended much and he had no other way of knowing what he was doing wrong, he found himself sitting by his side, all attention completely fixated on what to him were mindblowing truths about people and yet seemed common, boring knowledge to Patton, as the freckled boy explained cues and rules, that invisible language Logan did not speak.

Those friends stuck by him, even though others did not. With all the walls Logan had built up around his emotions, to protect himself and others, few could breach the fortifications—except for those who had already been on the inside as he built them. And he was fine with that.

Going to a therapist was...awkward at first, but it helped. Mr. Picani understood his aversion to talking of his feelings, and instead cleverly tricked him every time, asking questions about events until Logan was off on an angry rant. With that expelled, they’d talk through possible solutions.

He kept the book. And most of the other books he was given on the topic, eager to learn and understand more things about himself, knowing the reasons behind behaviors, quirks in things had always been one of his favorite things, and now he found it was possible in people.

As Logan worked through his discovery during the last semester of eighth grade and through that summer, with his Virgil, Patton, Roman, his parents, Mr. Picani, and occasionally even his rainbow-haired little sister, he found his mind shifting. He was truly calm now more often than not, able to express his rationale...well, rationally, rather than through insults. His debates grew calmer, and while he certainly had his slip-ups..he was improving. Slowly. Steadily.

His viewpoint of the world was unusual, like an outsider, and while that could be isolating, if he explained it well, people were often interested to hear it. It was different, his own; the metaphor Logan found himself using was that everyone else was a Macintosh computer, and he and his fellow spectrumites were PCs, capable of all the same things, though in ways the world was not wired to accommodate. Also, clearly superior in many a way.

His core programming was different, even if his exterior seemed the same, and Logan was okay with that. He’d never know the invisible language, not as a native would, but he could learn it—the same way he learned slang, through help, a lot of online research, his friends, and some study notes here and there.

It was complicated, they way he figured things out, the systems he’d devised. But complicated problems would never be solved with simple solutions.

And he still had plenty of time left to learn.

(Thanks to @poisonedapples for betaing this and basically screaming RELATABLE every two second, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear!)

(...I don’t really have a general fic taglist so imma just- y e a here)

Tags: @royallyanxious @whatwashernameagain @sandersmarvel @the-incedible-sulk @supremestoverlord @hanramz-the-fander @childhood-wishes-and-dreams @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @madly-handsome @galaxy-warping @extremist-water-agenda @ierindoodles @princeanxious

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bewareofthorns · 5 years

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jeepers! meet rowan ‘ro’ sharpe, tenant of room 3b, college student tentatively majoring in history and wholesome all-american boy learning to stand on his own. this is legiterally the worst ™ intro, but it is also everything i applied with!

· ☆ ⤻ logan shroyer. meet ro sharpe. he is/are a 20 year old history student, who’s been residing in apartment #3b for a year. usually , you can catch him on the subway listening to a whiter shade of pale by procol harum and their roommates insist that he reminds them of rumpled sheets, sunlight streaming through a half-opened window and tangled earbuds. the libra has been described as candid & guarded but since he’s known as the all-american, i guess we’ll just have to wait and see .

a brief intro

think basic white boy. now more basic. even more basic. if ur at fuccboi, ur going in the wrong direction.

he is absolutely the kid in high school that you wanted to hate, but that you couldn’t. his parents raised him right and that frustrates others around him to no end.

he’s as american as apple pie and just as sweet. if you met him in his native environment, he’d probably be somewhere in between a state fair and a football game. picture like any movie where the underdog leads his team to state. that was him in senior year.

he had a mom and stepdad and two little siblings that he left behind in ohio. (and sometimes, though he hates to admit it because it sounds like something a coward would say, he wishes he had never really left them.)

the world is bigger than he thought it was. and there’s times when he’s in the apartment and people are walking by that he can’t help but be a little afraid.

on social media, if you scroll back in time, before the apartment, all his posts before got is pictures of these two little kids and like football cleats and like terrible shaky videos of performances he did with the awful band that he made with his friends. he never thought he was going to go to new york city for college. he never thought- that this would be his life.

the drama that goes on, the messiness of the rest of the people who live in the apartment—as much as he never expected it to be, this is a vibrance that sucks him in, that has a hold on him that he can’t really explain. there’s a joy to it, of course, an intenseness that he can’t deny.

just a fish out of water here in the city. part of him wants to go back to when he just had one girlfriend for like four years and they were going to go to college together and get married and he was going to be an actuary or a tax auditor or something. part of him still believes that he will–

but he also knows. he loves this life. he’ll never be able to go back.

I”M LITERALLY CRYING I LVE HTIS BEAUTIFUL WHITE BOY. HE LIVES SUCH A GOOD & WHOLESOME LIFE. I BET HIS MOM WENT ON HIS FIRST DATE WITH HIM WHEN HE WAS 14 AND, WHEN HE WAS 7. HE WALKED AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND GAVE EVERYONE THEIR MAIL FROM THEIR MAILBOXES EVENTHO THAT’S A FELONY. HE JUST WAS A GOOD WHOLESOME KID.

1. His mom and his bio dad never got married and, while his dad did his best to be around while he was really young, his job eventually took him away to nyc and both of them agreed it would be best if he didn’t look back.

2. though he remembers missing his biological father terribly at first, he was young enough that it hardly mattered. within the next few years, his mother got married, ro was adopted by his stepfather, and he would get two new half-siblings.

a. by the end of the first year of the marriage, ro had already taken to calling his stepfather ‘dad’. after all, it was his stepfather who took him out to backyard and taught him to play catch. it was his stepfather who helped him with his math homework and bought him christmas gifts. it was his stepfather who was there. and to ro, that was all that mattered.

3. he never once thought his childhood was missing anything. he took bass guitar and swimming lessons; he played on the local baseball team and, then, after deciding it wasn’t for him, joined the football team. he had a good group of friends and even did fairly well in school.

4. it wasn’t until he got into high school that things started to fray at the edges. after pulling a prank at school and getting into trouble, his stepfather sat him down and asked if he were acting out bc he missed his real father. he hadn’t been– at least, he hadn’t thought he was, but, when the gate was opened, he admitted that he wanted to at least meet the man who he had so few memories of.

5. so he did. and it went okay. There were no hard feelings. They agreed to keep meeting up.

6. ro was lucky, though. as he was forced to navigate through this complicated relationship with his father, he was able to escape the perils that usually plague teens in high school.

a. he was smart enough to talk with the academically-inclined and creative enough to hang around the arts kids, but his true saving grace was his position on the football team. he was good at it— enough that by his junior year, he had gotten an offer to join the reserve team for his dream school. it was a good scholarship and it also allowed him to pursue the degree that he was interested in (econ and math).

7. but despite accepting the offer almost immediately— he never ended up actually enrolling. Because he had also secretly applied to a nyc college to spend more time with his bio dad who lived in the region. And when he got accepted, he just knew-

a. i don’t think he understood what he was getting into. the college he is going to has technically a better reputation than the state school he had originally wanted, but he just wanted– to know his dad better. to have a real relationship with his dad before it was too late.

b. it weighs heavy on his mind that he threw away the larger college scholarship, the chance to be with his friends, the football offer — all just to spend some time in nyc for the more frequent opportunity to he feels guilty, as if him just being here is some kind of betrayal to the family that raised him.

8. lastly, ro absolutely calls his mom and stepfather every week, but still finds himself struggling to hold a conversation with his father. They don’t meet up as often as he thought they would. School takes up too much time for him. And his father is always working. And though his father is the one paying for his rent and also a chunk of his tuition, he still longs for a better connection.

9. he’s really just a small town boy from ohio and here, where it seems like everyone parties and engages in a rock star lifestyle, he’s incredibly out of his depth. he’s sweet and he’s young and he’s responsible. he’s not here to spiral out of control or be number one he’s just here to learn what it means to be a student. And also… if he can, someone’s son.

fun facts

he skateboards. everywhere.

he doesn’t drink coffee.

he stopped drinking soda when he turned 17 for a dare and never picked it up again.

he knows how to knit.

he’s a hardcore romantic. his mom took two tries to get it right, but she got it right.

Did he have a high school gf that lasted for almost the full four years? You betcha. Did they break up because he went to NYC? You got it. Is he heartbroken over it and trying to fill the void? Done and done.

In the apartment, he’s definitely trying to be the voice of reason. That’s not to say he can’t get down with the best of them, but he’s also always trying to get things under control.

Since he’s 20, that also means—he’s not very good at standing his ground.

WANTED CONNECTIONS are fckn everything.

exes, crushes, fwb, mentors, enemies (petty or deep-rooted... but i dare u to hate him). my literal fave r weird shared communal space plots.

someone who will buy him contraband since he’s underage !! he swears he’s responsible

someone who he gives life advice to (in all of his iDiot 20 yo boy brain glory)

someone who gives HIM life advice to counsel him through being an idiot 20 yo boy

someone who he caught doing something outlawed in the building

smoking? parking your bike in behind the potted plants? look we all know ur growing something behind the succulents but i don’t want to know okay.

I was sticking my head out the window and you were draining water onto the pavement. Dude I see you. My god. We all have sinks.

our mail keeps getting switched up ?? look ??? idk ???

We do our laundry at the same time every week and there’s just NOT ENOUGH MACHINES and its super weird bc like. we never talk elsewhere about it. but every week we show up with full baskets at the SAME TIME

I know you keep ur door unlocked and so like. we’re friends. you won’t mind if I just pop in to use ur dish soap. i like ran out.

KEEP UR NOISE LEVEL DOWN U HEATHEN. IM STUDYING. are u singing? is that a cat’s yowl? are u… Look IF YOU DON’T i’ll put a hole thru ur door.

#twelve.intro

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alittleoptimistic · 6 years

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Shutdown

AN: Will it help if I say sorry in the first place?? Probably not. This story took on a mind of its own. It will get a happy ending, I swear.

Summary: Thomas is stuck in his own head. When Thomas is in a car accident, Virgil has to enact a ‘failsafe’ that shuts everything and everyone down but himself. To his shock, Thomas, who is convinced that his sides are characters he has made up, appears inside the control room. And he... can’t leave.

Warnings: Anxiety. Arguing. Lots of Arguing.

Taglist: @Justanotherpurplebutterfly @prplzorua @michealawithana @istolelittleredshoodie @pumakittycat @tree4life25 @sunshine-goblin @anxious-but-whatever @poisonlyra @sanspie122 @itcouldbegay @thilb0burrit0 @cinquefoilelove @demonickittykat @istolelittleredshoodie @pumakittycat @just-fic-me-up @lynlinked @tripleaaaqueer @five-hour-anxiety @emphoenixcat @annimooz @sea-blue-child@citygjrl

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Chapter Two

Things hadn’t always been like this.

Virgil remembered when he used to be the older brother. He and Patton had watched over two small puffs of Logic and Creativity as they struggled to figure out just what they were supposed to do. When Thomas lost his two front teeth, everyone turned to Virgil for direction. When Roman nearly ran them into the road, Virgil was the one that took hold of the situation. Virgil kept them calm when they fell off their bike and when they got lost in the grocery store. Virgil had been the one they all turned to.

He didn’t miss being in charge. No. But he did miss the looks they used to give him. Trusting. Open. Willing. Virgil knew what was best for Thomas, they believed, and they weren’t going to argue that.

Until they did. Or, really, Logan did. Neither Logan nor Roman recalled how small they had been once upon a time. Logan used to have to stand on his tiptoes to snatch Patton’s glasses before he got his own, and Roman used to play with army guys all by himself (well, he still did that, but you get the point). Unlike Virgil, the other sides had to grow up.Virgil had always been like this.

Well. Not exactly like this, but he’d always been the same age anyway. Nowadays, there was a tossup between Logan and Roman on who exactly was in charge. It fluctuated by day, but for the most part, it was not Anxiety. He had his fair share of input (too much, Logan would say) but he didn’t try to take charge anymore. Because the other sides were right. There was something broken in him.

“I do not see the purpose of standing back,” Logan had said a very long time ago. “They are similar in age and have not shown any sign of malice toward us. Mom said that we ought to ‘make friends’ which entails talking to them. Are we to talk from such a great distance? It is impractical.”

At the time, Virgil hadn’t really had a name. Well, he had his name but he didn’t have anything for the other’s to call him. ‘Brother’ had been in common usage, he recalled. “It’s not that simple, Lo,” he explained. “People don’t always show it on their faces when they don’t like you. They might not like us. They could just be being nice because their moms made them.”

“That is preposterous. There is no reason that they should already be disposed against us.” Logan had a stool to reach the board. He climbed up it and toggled the buttons. “Watch, brother.”

Virgil watched.

Something in the base of his chest curled and tightened. It was a mostly new sensation. A constant jitter inside him. Like he was being knotted up inside. His hands suddenly seemed to move on their own. He jumped forward and quickly counteracted Logan’s commands.

Thomas backed away quickly and hid in the playground tunnel again.

“Hey!”

“Let’s just play by ourselves. We can do that, right, Roman?”

Roman had grinned up at him, dressed head to foot in hot pink chainmail. “Yes!”

The knot in Virgil’s stomach loosened slightly. “See? It’s fine, Logan.”

But Logan wasn’t having it. He hopped off his stool, straightened his too-large glasses, and walked off with a straight back. “This is absolute hogwash.”

Virgil sighed. “Logan-”

“Let him go.”

Virgil turned. Patton was spinning slowly in a swivel chair near the control board. He was perhaps twelve years old. He smiled even though Virgil glared at him.

“I could have used some support there.”

Patton shrugged. “He’ll get over it.” Standing, he took Roman’s hand and led him off to his room. “Let’s play, kiddo.”

“So I was thinking you could be the princess this time?”

“Alright?”

It had never really gotten better, and Logan never seemed to ‘get over it’. He was not built for forgiveness. Or compromise.

Course, it wasn’t all his fault.

“You act against reason!” Logan shouted at him. He had his hands in the air, overcome with frustration. “You limit him!”

Now, Virgil wondered how things would have turned out if he’d agreed with Logan. If he’d tried to work with him. He wondered if he even could. But he hadn’t tried. Instead, the knot in his stomach wound tighter, and he’d come nose to nose with Logan. “I am doing my job. And I will do whatever it takes to keep Thomas safe.”

He remembered the very first flicker of fear in Logan’s upturned face. That stubborn set in his eyes.

Logan had every right to hate him now.

And Virgil had no right to do anything but take the abuse. In the control room, the tension was high and had been ever since he’d been allowed slight access again. But the tension was reaching record-breaking levels now.

They all stared.

Frozen in complete disbelief and shock. Logan was the first to recover. “I apologize. I appear to have heard you incorrectly. It is not possible for Thomas to be here.”

Thomas cocked his head. “Really? Virgil didn’t say that.”

“I was busy.” Virgil winced as he walked toward the group. None of the Sides took note.

Thomas was growing increasingly uncomfortable under their stares. He rubbed the back of his neck. Why was he still here? He should have woken up when Virgil turned everything back on. Logan’s gaze narrowed.

Instead, the screen was still black, and Thomas was standing there, looking a bit lost.

“I don’t understand,” Roman started.

“Wait, so like that’s Thomas? Thomas Thomas?” A huge grin spread over Patton’s face. Without further ado, he threw himself into Thomas, who yelped.

“P-Patton?”

“Yupa-daisy, kiddo! Don’t you worry, we’re going to get you all sorted. But it is so good to actually meet you!” He hugged him tightly.

Thomas was smiling, but he slowly took himself out of Patton’s arms. “I’m hugging myself,” he whispered to no one in particular.

Meanwhile, Logan was calculating under his breath. He cocked his head at Thomas. “Salutations, Thomas. While I agree with Patton, this is most irregular.”

“Dear lord, You actually talk like that.”

Virgil cracked a smile. “Mr. Thesaurus likes to sound smart.”

“I am smart, Virgil,” Logan said. Probably harsher than necessary. Thomas frowned, but Roman and Patton were all over him, babbling and hugging and gesturing.

Logan and Virgil watched this display, arms crossed. “What did you do?”

Virgil sighed inwardly. He’d figured this was coming. “I saved our life, thank you very much.”

“Perhaps. We may be alive, but if Thomas is unable to leave here, we will be rendered completely comatose.”

Virgil nodded. Of course, he knew this. He scowled at Logan. “Look, dude, I did the best I could.”

“That isn’t good enough.” He nodded toward Thomas. “You must have gone through some procedure incorrectly.”

Virgil absolutely had not done anything incorrectly. And it was a pain that Logan would accuse him as such. Then again, even if Thomas hadn’t been here, Logan would have found something in Virgil’s performance that was lacking. That’s just how he was.

“I don’t know why he’s here or how he got here, or how to get him to leave. He just showed up.”

Logan pursed his lips and crossed his arms. “Yes, well. That is all remarkably useless information.”

He was right. It was.

Thomas was laughing and Patton dragged him back toward where his door would usually be. They reached the wall and Patton stopped.

He stared at the smooth metal surface.

“Um, guys?”

Virgil crossed his arms.

“Virgil,” Logan said on a low voice. “Where are the doors?”

They were still gone. Every door had been erased. Every window. Virgil swallowed thickly. We’re trapped. We’re trapped in here.

“What’s going on?” Roman asked.

They all turned. One by one. To stare at Virgil. In a way, it shook him because it was so similar to how they used to act. But it was different now. These were not questioning looks, ready for him to give an answer. They were worried. Accusing. Afraid.

Gosh, why was he such a freaking screw up?

Virgil’s stomach tightened. “I don’t know. I thought the doors might come back once I turned everything on again.”

Their faces fell. Logan cursed quietly. He raced up to the control board and tapped on the keys.

Nothing happened.

“Well, shoot,” Roman supplied to the silence.

They all gave various murmurs of agreement and joined Logan at the control board, even Thomas, who was looking steadily more and more worried.

“Okay, so there’s got to be a way out of this. I’m not… I can’t just stay stuck here.”

Virgil’s stomach rolled. He reached a hand toward the board but retracted quickly when Logan glared at him. “You’ve done enough damage, I think.”

Virgil said nothing. In fact, no one said anything at all. Patton grabbed Thomas’s hand tightly and Roman stared at the screen, as by the sheer force of his will, he could turn it on. Virgil hugged his arms around his chest (his ribs seemed to be alright now). And the just stood there.

“Ideas, anyone?”

They glanced at Roman, who grimaced. “I could… cut a hole with my…” He reached down to his belt and suddenly paled. “My sword! My sword is gone!”

“You left it in your room when we were tidying up, remember?”

Roman groaned. “I am the most abominable of idiots.”

And now it was Thomas’s turn to grimace. “Well, I mean, I don’t think-”

“Making a hole is an interesting option, however,” Logan cut in. He chewed his lip, tried the unresponsive keys again, and sighed. “Do we have anything sharp?”

Woah, woah, Virgil did not like where this is going. “Guys, I don’t think it’s a good idea to go around cutting holes in Thomas’s mindscape.”

Thomas held up a hand. “I second that?”

Logan just rolled his eyes. “It’s minor surgery at the worst and not even physical so-”

“Minor surgery. Think about what you just said right there.”

“Look, do you want to get out of here?”

Thomas shifted his weight. He hugged his arms to himself. “I… yes. Yes, I do. But Virgil has a point. I mean, what if it like, damages me somehow?”

Roman shrugged. “I’d like to counter that I cut up things in here all the time.”

Thomas stared, horrified. “But-”

“Then again, I am only cutting up things in my realm, not the base mindscape so perhaps it is different. Not that I am unwilling to risk it.”

“Of course you’re willing to risk it, you’re a freaking hazard.”

Virgil regretted the words once they left his mouth, but he really couldn’t control these things. He was the bringer of negative thoughts and they weren’t really in his control. Especially not right now.

Of course, the others didn’t see it that way.

“Virgil, what the heck. We don’t need that right now.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, stuck his hands into his pockets and sat down on an upturned piece of something that may have been a swivel chair before the room went through a blender.

The room went quiet as Logan kept poking the keys, muttering to himself. They were getting nowhere. Thomas was going to be stuck here with their lame butts until they got old and died. And it’s your fault. You didn’t keep him safe. Virgil wanted to be sick. He wanted to curl up in a ball on the floor and bury his face in a blanket and not think about anything. He wanted to be oblivious. He wanted to never have to see Patton’s eyes filled with hesitation when he looked at him. He didn’t want Roman’s pity or Logan’s… man, Logan’s hatred. For someone who advertised being unemotional, Logan certainly had strong feelings when it came to anxiety.

He supposed it was because anxiety was, above all, illogical.

And it was only logical that Logan would not be able to stand that.

Virgil almost didn't notice Thomas’s bewildered look. “Hang on, what is wrong with you guys? I thought… I thought you were getting along?”

Romans shifted his weight guiltily. “I… may have altered some elements for the video series, Thomas.”

“It was agreed,” Logan began. His voice was clipped and sharp like little metal cubes. “that it was better for your emotional health if we do not have obvious animosity.��

“And it makes me feel good,” Patton mumbled.

Thomas digested that. Virgil could feel his stare, but he kept his eyes on his shoes. Thisisyourfaultallyourfaultyouidiot.

Apparently finished with the keyboard, Logan walked quickly toward his bookcase (which was strewn everywhere) in his corner of the room. He continued speaking over his shoulder. “Although it is an interesting idea, it is simply not possible to ‘accept’ a trait so deeply trenched in negativity.”

“Screw you, Logan.”

“Thank you for the demonstration.”

He’s such a jerk. He’s such a freaking jerk.

Logan paid them no mind as he searched through the piles of books scattered around his area. “The manual is here somewhere…”

Deep inside, Virgil boiled. Why did he always have to take this, huh? What the heck did Logan want from him? Suddenly decided, Virgil stood up and stalked to Logan’s corner. “Okay! Whatever! I just saved your freaking butt, so a little less I-hate-you is maybe in order!”

Logan sneered and shoved a book into Virgil’s arms. “Maybe you should read the rule book and stop messing everything up.”

There really wasn’t any talking to him! Virgil gripped the book tightly and searched for something to say. Anything. “I don’t deserve this!”

Logan pursed his lips. There was a spark there deep in his eyes. Something sharp and pointed and hurt. “You don’t deserve anything.”

He stormed past him, up the stairs and back to the dashboard. Virgil followed him. The other sides had backed up, taking Thomas with them. Virgil could see them out of the corner of his eye and something in him twisted, but he was too focused on said-jerkface to do anything about the tears in Patton’s eyes or the complete emotionless shutdown Roman was pulling off or the panic that was swallowing Thomas. Logan needed to stop.

“Stop ignoring me!” He was shouting now, although he wasn’t sure when the argument had escalated to that degree.

Logan said nothing. He slammed open a book and messed with the keyboard.

“Logan, please!” He could feel it. The very slight tremor at the base of his being. It echoed slightly in his voice and Logan stiffened.

shoot, back down now. Before you do something-

“Listen to me!”

Too late.

There was a click, almost audible in his mind, and all at once, Virgil was powerless.

Patton screamed and Roman was babbling mindlessly and Thomas scrambled back away from all of them as Virgil’s shadow grew. Larger and larger until the room was cloaked in a thick darkness. Virgil’s head buzzed. He couldn’t move. Not like he wanted to. Everything was small and dark and he c o uldn ‘t.

He couldn’t scream.

With calculated calm, Logan closed the book and turned toward Virgil. He straightened his glasses.

“See, Thomas,” he said, “This is why it is not possible to accept Anxiety. This is the true Virgil.”

Noitsnotnoitsnotnoitsnot.

Instead, a smirk forced itself onto his face and he raised his arms, casually perusing the room. “Goodness me, it really is a mess in here, isn’t it?”

Stop please stop

It wasn’t going to stop. This thing which lived inside him, festering like a rotting wound, was never ever going to be finished with them.

“Thomas, dear, wouldn’t you come closer?”

RUNTHOMAS

Thomas stared up at him, his eyes red, his skin deathlike in the purple light that must have been emanating from Virgil. And then there was something unexpected.

Thomas’s eyes were not afraid. They were… sad.

That was the last semi-normal thought he had before something shattered behind him. Virgil turned around to feel a great wind push him backward. No, pull him backward.

The screen.

Roman was standing a good distance away, his eyes wide as he registered what he’d just done. In his hands was, presumably, another piece of metal.

The one piece had disappeared into the hole he had just made on the screen.

Virgil’s stomach dropped as pieces of glass came loose and were sucked into the hole. Bigger and bigger until the hole was a yawning mouth filled with jagged teeth, inhaling all the while. Virgil’s feet slipped on the smooth metal, and with a sound of rage, he went spinning toward the hole. Virgil screamed, but his mouth didn’t move, and as he struggled to stay on his feet, Logan was doing the same. They clung to the railing and Logan was shouting. Everyone was shouting. Virgil caught glimpses.

Patton crying. Roman holding Thomas back. Logan screaming, reaching out for Patton.

Then Virgil’s hand slipped.

And he fell. Into a great expanse of darkness so thick he could breathe it. As the light from the console room faded, another figure fell through as well. Virgil’s last thought before he lost consciousness was that someone else is stuck with me.

Chapter 3

#sander sides #fanfiction #story #Virgil sanders #thomas sanders #Sandersides #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #fic

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all-the-effects · 4 years

Text

The Most Excruciating ‘Succession’ Dinner Scenes, Ranked by Distress

8. Mom’s home cooking, Season 2, Episode 7, “Return”

Facing a possible shareholder rebellion, patriarch Logan (Brian Cox) dispatches Roman (Kieran Culkin) and Shiv (Sarah Snook) to England to convince their mother — and major shareholder of Waystar Royco — Caroline (Harriet Walker) not to side with opponents Stewy Hosseini (Arian Moayed) and Sandy Furness (Larry Pine), who are waging a proxy war against Logan. The two youngest Roys dutifully cross the Atlantic to visit their mother, who we last saw asking guests at Shiv’s and Tom’s wedding how long they predicted the marriage would last.

Food: Instead of a 48-ounce T-bone steak with truffle fries, Caroline dishes up that classic combination of pigeon, potatoes, and wine. ★☆☆☆

Ambiance: Honestly, as transparently transactional as this exchange is, it’s pretty par for the course for this family, so there’s a comforting kind of casualness to the meal. Almost homey, one could say. Love to be raised in a household where love and affection are withheld until they can be divvied out in thimblefuls as paltry rewards or bribes! ★★☆☆

Company: Caroline, in case it wasn’t clear from her behavior at Shiv’s wedding, does not seem like a particularly caring mom or decent human being. No wonder she and Logan were once a match, and no wonder they later got divorced. ★★☆☆

Power plays and money moves: Mother and children bat around the offer of tens of millions of dollars so casually that their conversation could incite class warfare. Ultimately, Caroline comes out on top, offering to accept either Logan’s summer palace in the Hamptons (a place that she loathes, but that she knows Logan loves), or $20 million and the Roy children for Christmas. Not only is this a win-win for her, but she gets the added pleasure of callously treating her children like bargaining chips that they all know Logan will discard in favor of the Hamptons estate. “I think we have to hear which he’d prefer,” she says. “Let’s make him choose.” Holy shit, that is a barbed maneuver! ★★★☆

7. Cold butter, Season 1, Episode 4, “Sad Sack Wasp Trap”

The Roys’ annual charity gala is a black-tie affair attended by New York’s wealthiest. This year, it’s overseen by Connor (Alan Ruck), the eldest Roy child — and a half-brother to Kendall, Shiv, and Roman — who otherwise keeps himself busy with voluntary unemployment, weird politics, and a girlfriend who may be a sex worker he once hired. The event, a clashing of money, performative philanthropy, and misunderstandings, sets off a chain of events that shapes the rest of the season.

Food: Some of the food served includes lasagna, salad, and bread with butter too cold to spread. “The butter’s all fucked! You fuckwads, there’s dinner rolls out there ripping as we speak!” Connor screams at the kitchen staff before attempting to fire them all en masse, demonstrating that all it takes is a hint of supervisory power — and some pressure from dear dad — to turn someone into even more of an asshole. ★☆☆☆

Ambiance: Ostensibly classy. Dully fancy. You know. ★★☆☆

Company: Just a big roomful of rich people! Choose your players! ★★☆☆

Power plays and money moves: Due to a mix up with teleprompter and the underhanded tattletale instincts of snitch Connor, Logan takes this public event as an opportunity to fuck over his heir apparent Kendall. “I see you,” Logan hisses privately to his son after announcing in a speech that he would not be retiring. “I spied you fucking out, son, don’t ever do that to me again.” This particular battle may have been waged just in Logan’s head, but it kicks off a struggle between father and son that impacts the entire arc of Succession. ★★★★

6. Tom displays character growth, Season 2, Episode 10, “This Is Not for Tears”

Tom (Matthew Macfayden) — on the heels of a potentially marriage-ending talk on the beach with Shiv, prompted by her not defending him against a possible ouster — marches right up to Logan for what is quite possibly one of the most exciting minute-long encounters in television history.

Food: Chicken so good, Tom just had to steal a bite. ★★☆☆

Ambiance: On the one hand, they’re aboard a mega-yacht on the beautiful Mediterranean. On the other, the question of who will be deemed the “blood sacrifice” forced to take the fall for Waystar Royco’s crimes looms over them like a grim reaper. A mixed bag, one could say. ★★☆☆

Company: Tom and Logan, one of the least naturally occurring pairings in the series, have an established dynamic: Tom kowtows, Logan barely tolerates. While that would normally be a gut-roiling duo to be in the company of, the change in their dynamic in this scene kind of makes you want to stick around. ★★☆☆

Power plays and money moves: Everyone loves an underdog story, and in the world of Succession, Minnesota-raised Tom is one of the underdoggiest of them all. Fueled by a reckless surge of desperate rage, he confronts his CEO and father-in-law by grabbing a piece of chicken from Logan’s plate, taking a big bite, and throwing the breast back onto the plate. Tom’s muffled “Thank you for the chicken,” delivered through a mouthful of meat to a shocked Logan, is somehow the most dignified he has ever appeared. We also get what’s maybe the most Logan Roy line of all time, when he wonders aloud to Shiv what Tom has planned next, “Stick his cock into my potato salad?” ★★★★

5. Pizza in the Hamptons, Season 2, Episode 1, “The Summer Palace”

It should come as no surprise to anyone that the Roys have a mansion known as the “summer palace” in the Hamptons (which, in real life, was an estate built for Henry Ford’s grandson in the 1960s). Confronted with the threat of the “bear hug” hostile buyout that Kendall, Stewy, and Sandy initiated at the end of the first season, Logan decides to hold court at the summer palace in an attempt to seek clarity and a new successor.

Food: Enraged and disgusted by rotting, raccoon carcasses that have been stuck in the chimney long enough to invite maggots, Logan yells at his house staff to get rid of the lobster and shrimp they had prepared and to order pizza. What must be hundreds of dollars worth of seafood is unceremoniously dumped in the trash outside. (The pizza, to be fair, looks very appetizing.) ★★★★

Ambiance: Reminder that Logan and the staff have just unearthed rotting, maggot-infested raccoon carcasses in the chimney. It’s not a sexy environment. ★☆☆☆

Company: After a break, the gang is back together again! ★★☆☆

Power plays and money moves: To stick or sell: that is the question Logan is mulling over. Too bad no one dares speak their mind freely; Shiv even laughs at that invitation. A cowed, sycophantic court of an authoritarian’s own making — what a neat foreshadowing of dinner scenes to come! ★★★☆

4. How to eat like you have money, Season 1, Episode 6, “Which Side Are You On?”

By sheer, bumbling force of will and the power of his bloodline, newcomer Greg (Nicholas Braun) — the grandson of Logan’s brother — finds himself on the periphery of the Roys’ inner circle. Tom, recognizing another outsider (who is also the one family member he outranks and can therefore bully), quickly takes Cousin Greg under his wing and to a nice tasting-menu restaurant after they commit some casual white collar crimes. While the whole episode is nothing but a series of strategic dinners, this meal stands out, not least because it gives us the enduring image of these two idiots sitting in a trendy restaurant, heads shrouded in napkins.

Food: Monkfish and ortolan, a delicate songbird deep-fried and eaten whole with a napkin over one’s head because it’s so controversial — and, in some places, illegal — to eat. “That’s so good,” Tom sighs, while Greg, choking on the small bones and brain of the bird, comments: “It’s a rather … unique flavor.” Bet you anything he was thinking about how much he’d rather be eating California Pizza Kitchen’s Cajun chicken linguini. ★★☆☆

Ambiance: Chic surroundings befitting of one of the “most exclusive pop-ups of the city,” in Tom’s words. ★★★☆

Company: Of all the messed-up relationships on Succession, Greg and Tom’s remains one of the strangest — and yet, oddly, the most touching. “We have a bond,” Tom tells Greg during dinner (reminder: they just did crimes together!) “I was an outsider once … It was hard, and you create this kind of protective shell, but underneath we’re all just little nudie turtles.” Don’t you mean ... inside every Gregg is a vulnerable Tomlette waiting to be cracked free? ★★★☆

Power plays and money moves: What Tom wants to teach Greg (apart from how to do crimes), is how to live like a rich person, and this dinner is a foundational lesson. “Here’s the thing about being rich: it’s fucking great. It’s like being a superhero, only better. You get to do what you want, the authorities can’t really touch you, you get to wear a costume, but it’s designed by Armani, and it doesn’t make you look like a prick,” says the guy who comes off as a prick 97 percent of the time. ★★☆☆

3. Dinner with the Pierces, Season 2, Episode 5, “Tern Haven”

On a mission to woo the Pierces, the family that owns a rival media group known for its dedication to chasing the truth and winning Pulitzers (the Succession-verse Sulzbergers to the Roys’ Murdochs?), the Roy clan helicopter out to the Pierces’ WASP-y estate for a weekend of smarming and charming. Dinner, a feast made by a staff of at least three is served with a side of awkward small talk (Roman’s girlfriend Tabitha: “We’re not planning to have a baby because that would require us having sex.”) and the implicit sense of purpose driving the entire visit. The Roys want to acquire the Pierces’ PGM, and the Pierces want the billions that the Roys are offering, but neither side wants to come off as too desperate.

Food: Roast beef, soup, rolls, salad, potatoes, haricots verts, spinach (or, as Tom likes to call it, “king of edible leaves, His Majesty the spinach”). Nothing too thrilling, but solid and traditional, just like the Pierces. ★★★☆

Ambiance: Take the strained civility of a Thanksgiving dinner and gradually turn the dial up until you hit the exact moment that Shiv destroys any remaining chance that she will be named Logan’s successor. “Oh for fucks sake, Dad, just tell them it’s going to be me,” she says in response to Nan’s inquiry and Logan’s hedging. Silence, almost echoing in the cavernous dining room. Stricken faces around the table. Logan, jaw clenched, barely concealing his fury. Try enjoying your roast in that icy tension. ★☆☆☆

Company: It’s hard to imagine a family more insufferable than the Roys, and yet the Pierces, with their smug sense of propriety and ritual of reciting Shakespeare instead of saying grace, are worthy rivals, indeed. ★★☆☆

Power plays and money moves: Well, it’s official: Shiv “fucked it,” as the youngest Roy tells Tom after the nightmare meal. ★★★★

2. Boar on the floor, Season 2, Episode 3, “Hunting”

It’s difficult to describe the disturbing, magnetic, can’t-look-away trainwreck of a masterpiece that is “boar on the floor.” You see, Waystar Royco executives fly to a Hungary hunting lodge for a corporate retreat. After a vigorous day of killing stuff, they retire for dinner, only to find themselves trapped in an ominous-looking banquet hall with Logan Roy, who is out for blood. You know what, just watch it:

Food: Sausage presumably made from the very boars these white-collar office ninnies slew during their literal hunt. Level of deliciousness unknown; the victims of the figurative hunt are too busy debasing themselves to comment, “Yummy!” ★★★☆

Ambiance: BOAR ON THE FLOOR! BOAR ON THE FLOOR! BOAR ON THE FLOOR! ★☆☆☆

Company: If the thought of being stuck on an overnight, overseas retreat with your coworkers sounds hellish, just imagine a paranoid and furious Logan Roy being one of those colleagues. ★☆☆☆

Power plays and money moves: There is no bigger display of dick-swinging power. ★★★★★★★★★★

1. Breakfast with a death sentence, Season 2, Episode 10, “This Is Not for Tears”

After years of covering up heinous acts like sexual harassment and coercion, Waystar Royco must finally pay for (some of) its crimes by sacrificing a “skull,” a.k.a. a member of senior management whose scapegoating will be enough to satisfy the shareholders and the American public. To decide who that skull will be, Logan gathers his loyal servants aboard an obscenely decked-out yacht for a breakfast discussion of which person should be hypothetically thrown off the ship to stop it from sinking. Logan, who knows that the shareholders think he should step down, opens the discussion with the martyrizing statement, “I think the obvious choice is me.” As undoubtedly planned by Logan, the group immediately begins protesting — and the circle jerk of betrayal begins.

Food: A decent-enough-looking array of breakfast foods like croissants and smoothies, but who can muster up an appetite when there are colleagues to throw under the bus? ★★☆☆

Ambiance: A gorgeous backdrop of sunshine, azure waters, and warm sunshine, but who can fully decompress when there are colleagues to throw under the bus? ★★☆☆

Company: Members of the work family and the actual family, such as Gerri (“daughters first class on the company coin”), Karl (“I just went for the sports massage, I had no idea it was that kind of establishment”; also, “sausage thief”), Roman (“widely known as a horrible person”), Greg (“Greg sprinkles are a fantastic garnish to anyone seated at this table”), and Shiv and Tom (“beauty and the beast”), but who can enjoy their kinship when there are colleagues to throw under the bus? ★☆☆☆

Power plays and money moves: In case it wasn’t obvious, this meal is all about throwing colleagues under the bus.

But in direct contrast with the dark-lit, primeval chaos of “boar on the floor,” this power breakfast, eaten in broad daylight on a fancy boat, is strategically, agonizingly restrained. Siblings and coworkers artfully deflect blame and offer each other up for slaughter under the cover of this all being a hypothetical thought experiment, stripped of emotions. In Kendall’s words: “I’m saying this but I don’t believe it, I’m just saying it because this is the time we’re all saying things.” The bullshitting is truly masterful, and, trapped by the inflated score I gave “boar on the floor,” I must hereby assign the same star rating here: ★★★★★★★★★★

full article: https://www.eater.com/2019/10/11/20908746/succession-hbo-best-dinner-lunch-meal-scenes-ranked

#they skipped the dinner scene where tom tells shiv to shut up #maybe less distress and more tension #succession hbo #shiv roy #baby #roman roy #gremlin #kendall roy #hes really going thought it jc #you can see him detoriorating by every meal

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