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maoam · 1 year

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Okay I want to talk about this comic here. It’s an old comic, made during or after the Kages arc. For context, the creator is a Hinata stan, Team 8 stan and NH stan. I just want to talk about how these heteronormative stans read the manga wrong.

“Hinata: Note to self, if female, don’t try to be a hero!” Except she’s wrong. Temari saved Shikamaru’s ass in part 1 already. She was also a great leader during the 4th shinobi war. And what about some others? Tsunade broke down Susanoo and healed her teammates while being broken in half, Karin took down a monster kages couldn’t, and Ino took control of the Ten-tails and stopped its attacks and connected the whole shinobi army.

Just because your favorite wasn’t heroic doesn’t mean it’s because she’s a female. It’s because she’s written to be weak and selfish. There was nothing she could have done against Pain, and she was told she would only be in Naruto’s way, but confessing her feelings was more important for her.

“Sakura: Do you realize you just started the pairing war?” It’s like these people were ALMOST aware Kishimoto didn’t give a damn about their het pairings.

“Naruto: Sasuke I wish I knew how to quite you!” Stupid homophobic Brokeback Mountain joke. Which is made even funnier when I tell you after the ending she said SNS weren’t denied anything, Naruto and Sasuke were always portrayed as brothers (again a person who doesn’t know common gay plotlines and storytelling tools) bla bla bla. So Naruto and Sasuke were always portrayed as brothers but something triggered you in Kages arc so much you had to resort into a gay joke to demean Naruto’s pain over Sasuke?

“Sai: You are a bitch for making him suffer” That’s not what he said though, he said they all rely too much on Naruto. Which is true, especially for Sakura who treats him like dirt all the time.

“Sakura: I wonder what Kishi thinks I’m gonna do with a bloody kunai” What you do best Sakura, fail. Because that has been your characterization for the entire manga except for that one fight where you were used as a puppet.

“Sasuke: Why won’t you let me kill something?” I know this person dislikes Sasuke (probably for taking Naruto’s attention from Hinata and not wanting to fuck girls she stans so hard) so I’m not surprised how she omitted all the reason why Sasuke was having a breakdown. You know, the whole genocide of his clan and all. Finding out Konoha used his brother... finding out the discrimination towards the Uchiha. But nah, let’s just make Sasuke look like he is doing it for the lulz.

“Sakura: Kakashi-sensei is so hot” Don’t know what this is all about, Sakura isn’t attracted to him lol.

“Sakura: Just when I thought I would be able to do something awesome. But nooo they need to have their stupid macho time. Being a girl in this manga sucks.” It’s just you and Hinata. You two are useless. Try to be Shino, he’s sidelined all the time. Newsflash, the manga was always about Naruto and Sasuke’s love.

“Sakura: Fuck this shit, I’m gonna be a lesbian” Yes because women become lesbians when they can’t get a man and not because they’re homosexuals.

This is what happens when you read a manga only for a character who is not relevant.

#naruto ramblings #sns #narusasu #sasunaru

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fairy-moan · 11 months

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It makes me really mad seeing spaniards talk shit abt drag race españa s3 because its the very juice of privilege, it has showcased some of the most talented queens i have ever seen and yet all they care its who wins what and who was robbed and that the franchise should end like???? Owwn its so sad your fave didnt get the flowers they deserve lets make sure NO QUEEN EVER GET AGAIN

Its just childish, ppl should watch drag race because of the drag and not the race because newsflash, judges are persons with opinions and not always they are gonna match yours, sucks (especially if all you care its who its gonna win)

If they actually care so much abt the robbed queens they would watch the season so the franchise lives and she can come back, they would go the their gigs and buy their merchandising, but no, all they want its to call ppl robbed and other ppl pushed on twitter, did that helped?do you feel good now? I bet the robbed queen feels really good seeing yet another tweet calling her season and her sisters trash just because u "like" her

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lin-cang · 11 months

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Black Sands and theories.

It's been a minutes since the last time I sit and pour my clouds of thoughts in here. Life 's been in so many flavor to taste, but the best yet, in literal meaning, I found my love on Bali's brewery with their ultimate Black Sand IPA. Its bitter, fresh, airy, and from the moment I tried it with my friend, Indira, its the benchmark of the good kind of beer that I could actually appreciate it, not just liquid with spark pops in the middle. Around our many tall glass of IPA, me and Indira toying around the idea of being women in our generations. For the longest time, I didn't have a older figure to look up too because newsflash, I always being in the middle of younger crowds (don't ask why) so when I met Indira through his husband which is my senior at Youth Exchange Programme I feel that instant click!

She's a Leo, the same side of the element I was born into. Our conversation always lively and we jokes about taboo or old norms that we think its more than outdated. I remember when She sat next to me on a BBQ night in front of the bar. It was our third time move the seating because maybe we too comfortable. She look comfortable of course, wear blazers and sneakers, hair down, with pack of confident that makes people dart on her presence- very Laura Dern vibes Marriage Story version, while me, on my tennis uniform unbothered to change into something cute like what I initially planned to, digging the peanuts on the second bowl refill. The beauty standard and women presence always be the foundations of our starter talks, how I single woman like me put my self on work place and dating life nowadays, how She-the one who already married since she was teenager help me to straighten the ideas of being independent but also sexy in mind not just body. I often circling in my own ideas of idealism at any subject on my life, and most of the time I caught up on my own web of thinking, thats why having somebody more mature help me to lay out the urgencies of every idea that I'm eager to pour it in my life.

That night ended with some guy hitting on me (?) but I couldn't careless because I'm in the mood of being in my own presence. Something that for a long time I consider as a selfish trait, but hell, when your on your 30's the most important thing in this life is: you. Many weeks before that night, I always try to entertain someone else but not myself. When I go places always because of someone not because I want to. That thing ended when I already believe that in this track of life I chose, it is me myself, that I need to support, protect, and carry. I born to big things, bigger than my body, Ad Maiora Natus Sum. Those things that I spoke about during my drinks, during my speech to myself, maybe only the littlest thing that I need to be worry about. The bigger things is better. It will eventually elevate me as a person in all level of aspect in my life. I remember me and Indira joking about to make a podcast that hopefully will reach to the younger audience or whomever needed new perspectives about small things in life.

One time, I was sitting at my living room just need to wind down after work, and numbly browsing through movies on the Netflix catalog. It was boring but just before I fixated my mind, my pointer show me this "The Year I start Masturbating". A very provoking-but not really-title. It's a Swedish movie about 40yo woman who keen to have the second child before its too late, but apparently her boyfriend whom he share her first born with, didn't seem that eager, after that her almost perfect life went downhill in a snap. This is the kind of movie that accidentally suck up your attention because you feel relatable to the notions. I caught myself full attention to the next one and half hours grasping every nook and turn of the story. It is a quite simple story, but when life gets you to places of trial and errors this is the one you needed too, almost like when the main character Hannah get her shit together again, I feel like somehow, I will get the same trophy as she is after those rocky wonky life event. See, sometimes we need just somebody else to convince or introduce us to the theories, maybe also with nice pint of good beers.

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great-kung-lao · 2 years

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So far I find Rings of Power kinda enjoyable in a way if you turn off your canon centric part of brain and look at it as Ultimate Middle-Earth rather than Middle-Earth 616. The only complaints I saw towards the show were all because of comparisons to books or movie trilogy, never judged as its own thing. It looks really pretty, Khazad-Dum and Numenor visually are outstanding and I really like Elrond in this.

Me watching Rings of Power doesn't remove an option to go back to books or movies, those are still there and simultaneously I believe you can enjoy this one too. It all comes down to how much you are a canon loyalist and open minded to interpretations.

Yes, it is basically a fantasy show based on popular IP because newsflash those people want (and some just need) to make the money. It is easier to sell known brands. I don't blame it on the creators for doing this, it's just the world we live in.

Everyone responsible for the visual stuff on the show are definitely feel like passionate people, this is prettiest looking TV show to date. Story wise I get how it might be boring with some storylines, I also don’t find all of them interesting to follow. But please, don’t act like Rings of Power is somehow offensive. We get a fantasy TV show where brother and sister have a relationship that is not an incest. That’s already a win in my book.

You know, people never complain about how mythology is adapted. How we make Gods and their kids kinda good guys when according to "canon" mythology they were all assholes and did some nasty, gross and disgusting shit. Nobody complains about Loki never turning into a horse, being fucked and giving birth in Marvel version of the character. That's how I look at Rings of Power: LOTR is treated like an ancient mythology as foundation for interpretation in this version of Middle-Earth.

But. I do get the other side who were expecting something more fateful to the source material, who wanted new content in the version of this world they came to love and cherish via books or movies. They lived for so long without anything new in LOTR universe and here they get something that wasn't made with them in mind. It can be disappointing.

But at the end of the day you have to realize that not everything new is made for you.

And these IPs being exploited is expected cause $$$. It will always be about that at least in our lifetime. Capitalism does suck ass.

I don't know, man, I'm just tired to be angry, mad, offended, whatever by the content based on my favorite IPs. If I don't enjoy it, I just drop it and move on and if I got hooked and actually getting positive emotions from the experience, then I stick. I just want to feel happy, that's all.

Being emotionally invested rather than emotionally wasted.

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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Fanlore: You Must Be This Academic To Ride This Ride

I’ve always loved the idea of Fanlore. I used to edit Wikipedia, and an active wiki with a healthy body of editors is so much fun to work on. But from the first, Fanlore was plagued by administration who clearly knew not one single thing about wikis. (Witness the title case policy that makes it harder to do internal wiki links. That would never happen on a normal wiki run by people familiar with wiki architecture. It has always been an instant red flag to wiki types, but it’s just the most obvious symbol of a problem that pervades Fanlore and its policies.)

Fanworks fandom seems to be pretty scared of wikis in general anyway, but this lack of clueful leadership didn’t help, and Fanlore failed to attract enough editors to have an actual healthy community. To this day, a tiny handful of people toil away, trying to at least sort out their few topics, but it’s demoralizing to do it all alone. It’s even more demoralizing if you care about Asian fandoms or any of the other areas Fanlore barely covers.

More recently, I have been horrified to find that Fanlore has descended into that same problem that plagues Wikipedia: people snapping at new editors. This is a common growth pattern of wikis in general, and you have to work hard to keep them from falling into this old guard vs. new editors thing. You have to nurture new members if you want to have any, and Fanlore’s culture has clearly headed in the other direction with pages becoming people’s personal fiefdoms.

Now, I hear there’s even more rank stupidity on the horizon. This whole policy discussion post and other conversations I’m not linking to are rife with “But if we just held Fanlore to academic standards” garbage and calling editors names.

Newsflash: Fanlore sucks because you guys are elitist pricks!

You will never get enough editors to actually work on all those pages with their work in progress ‘needs expansion’ notices because you have never once actually bothered to foster community.

What “plural point of view” actually looks like is letting members of the community decide what matters and whose embarrassing social media foibles of years past are worthy of documentation. I get that a few of your old friends got their panties in a bunch about how their ill-conceived LJ posts “are not history”, but that is not the nature of history. The readers decide. I don’t harass people about what they put on Fanlore that’s about me, and neither should you.

Fanlore is trying to be like Worldcon and its ilk: always whining about how The Youth never want to join up yet shitting on new people when they do turn up.

For anyone who has been in a real wiki community, we know that they’re made up principally of lurker types who fix a typo here and there and do a lot of the gruntwork. Then, there are the people who make a few top-level pages on big subjects they know. Each editor only has a few of those they’re really competent to do. And every once in a while, you get a rockstar who does a ton of research to fill out whole missing categories. Fanlore only has a couple of those, and I can see the desire to harass specifically them dripping off of every syllable of the disingenuous gripefests about Fanlore.

“One of Fanlore's intended purposes is to serve as an archive for future fans doing social science research about the past and present of fandom subculture(s).”

Don’t make me laugh. If that is what Fanlore is for, then what is being asked for here is for a bunch of non-academics to do an unconscionable amount of legwork while being yelled at for being fans instead of academics.

Fuck all of you.

I will help any academic who comes to me. But it’s not cute to see elitism and a desire for ass-covering masquerading as a fear of doxxing.

Yes, fix your real people image policy by consulting with your legal department.

But don’t think any actual wiki editor can’t see at a glance how much you hate and despise the entire concept of a community wiki. All of the tertiary whining about other content policies on Fanlore should never have come up in the first place, and it certainly should not be piggybacking off of the very specific and important issue of photos of real people.

OTW, this is pathetic.

Admit you hate Fanlore and delete it, or shape up and learn how wikis work. Put some actual wiki fans with experience in charge. Crack down on harassment of editors. Tell whiners going “I’m not history” to shut the fuck up.

We are all history, including when we fuck up or people dislike us.

Learn to deal.

#fanlore #fandom history #otw #rant

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tastyykpop · 3 years

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[ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅɪᴅɴᴛ ᴋɪʟʟ ʜɪᴍ]

Pairings: mafia boss!jaehyun x reader

♡𝑠𝑚𝑢𝑡♡

Warnings: dom!jaehyun, brat!reader, yandere themes, orgasm denial, slight edging (like really slight), thigh slapping, ropes, vibrator, punishment kinda, creampie, unprotected sex (stay safe 🙏)

The glass in Jaehyuns hand shattered as he saw another man approach you. He was beyond pissed. Mostly at you honestly. You were basically letting it happen because to you, this was all fun and games.

It shouldn't be though.

Jaehyun was a dangerous man. Someone you really shouldn't be around and someone who had a lot of power, over anything and everyone. Most people were terrified of him and only idiots would dare to speak out of line. And if they were lucky, maybe, just maybe they'd make it out alive.

It all happened when you came to this bar for a good drink and a slight buzz. But here, there was always someone hitting on you. This someone happened to be Jaehyun. It was the first time you met him too. Unfortunately, like the idiot you were (and still are), you talked back to him. It wasnt because you were trying to be rude, but instead you were fed up with the way he was acting towards you. The small brushes on the shoulder and the hand on your knee was getting on your nerves. But what really annoyed you were his comments. Not realising who he was and the power he had, you got angry and gave him back handed comments.

You only stopped when you felt a sting to your thigh.

Luckily for you it was only a slap. Not a knife or a bullet. Jaehyun was never this gentle.

Everytime after that, you would still come back to the bar, in your usual seating and Jaehyun would always be there. He even remembered your favorite drink after the first few nights. How sweet. But now, he was seated away from you with a group of men, watching your every move since he couldnt be with you at the moment.

"Baby that dress looks so pretty on you." The guy sitting next to you commented. His tongue swiping over his lips to coat them in his own saliva.

"Hmm thanks." You smiled, knowing that an angry Jaehyun was watching you like a hawk from across the bar.

The man's hand began to slither up your thigh, dragging his hand up and down. It was nothing like Jaehyuns rough, yet loving hands.

"I want to get to know you more." You turned your head to face the man and raised an eyebrow. "Come home with me."

"Sorry, but I'm gonna have to say no." You took a quick swig of your drink and smiled.

"Come on baby. It'll be worth your time." The man took your hands into his and brought them to his lips.

Jaehyun was going to kill someone today.

"Im sorry," you pulled your hand away, giggling, "but I said no." The man was still relentless, grabbing your hand and placing it on his bulge. Your eyes lit up and you searched around the room to see if anyone was seeing what was going on, stopping on your boyfriend's cold eyes.

Jaehyun got up from his seat, walking towards you. Your hand pulled away like lightning. A groan coming from the man next to you. Panic filled your body as you knew someone was going to get killed, or injured.

An angry Jaehyun is not a good Jaehyun. Especially if someone touched his girlfriend. And he let that go too far.

"Whats my pretty girl doing?" Jaehyun pulled your hair to the side and lightly kissed your neck. It was odd hearing such a soft voice come out of Jaehyun, yet you could feel how pissed he was.

"I-i was just talking..." His hands grabbed your waist, digging his nails deep into your side. Jaehyun wasnt an idiot, but you tried.

"And who the fuck are you?" The man asked. You actually forgot he was still there. But he wasn't going to be for long, Jaehyun ripped out a gun and pointed it at the man before making sure the safety was off.

"The real question is who are you?"

"I-i..." the man stuttered, obviously threatened by the weapon in your boyfriends hand.

"I dont like waiting." Jaehyun cocked the gun.

"I-im no one s-sir my apologies." The man walked away as quickly as he could from the both of you. Jaehyun snickering at how pathetic he was.

"Im gonna killed him for touching you."

"No, you wont. You can't always hurt someone who talks or touches me."

"Dont talk back to me, im not in the mood." You got up from the bar stool and walked with Jaehyun to his car. A very expensive one at that.

"I dont care if your in the mood stop acting like a bitch." Your sparky comment took all of Jaehyuns power to not bend you over and spank you in public.

"Get in the car Y/N."

"No." Crossing your arms over your chest, you turned and walked away. That set Jaehyun off.

You were suddenly in the backseat of his car, your face pushed against the seat and your ass in the air. The dress you were wearing was barely covering anything anymore.

"Listen here you pathetic little slut," he whisped in your ear, "if i tell you to get in the fucking car you listen, understand?"

You tried to get out of the grip he had on you, but it was no use. It just earned you a smack.

"Stop moving and answer me."

"Yes." A sigh left your mouth as he let go of you and walked to the drivers seat, starting the car. Leaving you in the back flustered.

"Come on pretty girl you can take it." Jaehyun was currently fucking you with a vibrator. The vibrations sending you over the edge as he kept moving it in and out at a slow pace. You grabbed his arm and dug your nails deep into him, hoping that he'd stop punishing you and fuck you for real.

"P-please.." You begged as you squirmed on the bed from all the edging he was doing.

Jaehyun ignored you and picked up his pace. The room was filled with a mix or screaming, moaning, and wet sounds, just how he likes it.

He pulled you in for a rough kiss, teeth clashing with each other. The rougher he was, the more passionate he was with you.

"Im gonna cum." You moaned out, pulling away from the deep kiss, having enough of all the toying from the man above you.

"No youre not." He ripped the toy out of you, ruining your orgasm.

"Aw look at that baby, guess you won't cum again for another month."

You glared at the man as he sat there with a playful smirk before he moved on top of you, leaning down to bite and suck on your neck, leaving purple and blue marks on your skin as a whine left your lips. You wanted more, but knowing Jaehyun you probably weren't going to get it until he was satisfied enough. But you knew he was going to give up sooner or later. The boner brushing against your thigh was not going to go unnoticed by you.

"Stop...teasing..." You tried saying as Jaehyun moved back up to kiss you again.

"Why should i?" He looked up with an eyebrow raised, "You werent exactly the nicest to me. So why should I be nice to you?"

You frowned at the older man ready to talk back again, but the sudden cold hand cupping your hot entrance stopped you. The lower half of your body was almost grinding on his hand for more friction. Jaehyun noticed and smirked at your attempts to get off.

Smack.

"Dont even try that." He kept the same agonizing smirk on his face, giving him a more sadistic look than before. Your movement stopped with a pout and you watched Jaehyun take his hand away from your core.

"Then ill just do it myself." You pretty much just pushed Jaehyun away from you and attempted to please yourself, but you knew damn well it wasn't nearly as good as Jaehyun himself.

"Look at the pretty girl trying to act all tough." Jaehyun cooed at you, taking your hand away from your core and pinning your hands above your head. "Have i not been punishing you good enough? Is that why your acting even more bratty than usual?"

"No," you shook your head at your boyfriend, "its the fact you going to kill someone just because they touched me."

"Well i have a newsflash for you princess," Jaehyun leaned closer to your ear and whispered, "theyre already dead."

"Y-youre insane Jaehyun..."

"But thats why you love me." You watched as Jaehyun got off of you, moving to find something in the very large closet you both shared. When he turned back, you expected another toy he was going to tease you with, but no. He had ropes in his hand as he walked towards you with the same sadistic smirk that you hated yet loved.

He tied you up effortlessly, only giving him a few hard times but that only ended with a few smacks to your thigh.

Jaehyun stood back looking at your naked figure, a small blush painted your cheeks as you felt small under his gaze. Yes, Jaehyun was rather proud of what he was looking at. The beautiful hickeys and bite marks that littered your thighs, neck, and chest. The red hand prints on your thighs wrapping around to your ass. And the crescent shapes in your hips from his nails digging into your skin. He loved all of it.

You could hear the sound of clothes dropping to the floor, but didnt bother turning your head, too embarrassed to look at him now that you felt more exposed with the ropes holding your wrists to the bed post.

"Spread your legs for me princess." The sound of Jaehyuns voice brought you back to reality. You looked at him, his eyes staring into yours waiting for you to do as you were told. But did you didnt move. Just adding more fuel to his anger. "I said spread your fucking legs." He growled. You did so a bit too slowly for his liking and it only ended up with him forcefully spreading them himself.

A quiet gasp left your lips watching as he began to slowly grind into you, making you feel his bare cock against your pussy. Your sighs and moans filled the room, jaehyun watched closely, taking in every whine and movement you made. He pulled back and you waited for him to continue grinding but no, he was inside you without warning, not giving you anytime to adjust.

Jaehyuns fast pace shook the bed and your wrists were chaffing against the ropes. Moans erupted from your throat from the pain and pleasure Jaehyun was giving you.

"Fuck, Jaehyun...."

Jaehyun moved his hand from your hips up to your throat giving it a tight squeeze, "Such a dirty mouth." His hips snapped forward making your eyes roll to the back of your head and more cuss words were choked out. Earning a disappointed head shake from your boyfriend.

The lewd sounds of your bodies filled the room as he continued fucking you into oblivion. If someone walked in, they would be sure to have the image of you being fucked by Jaehyun with his fingers in your mouth and hand wrapped around your throat all while being tied up, stuck in their head for a few months.

"You love being a brat huh?" Jaehyun started whilst making eye contact, "Cause you know you'll be fucked like the pathetic slut you are. Am i right princess?"

He took his fingers out of your mouth to let you speak, "Y-yes." You moaned out. A quiet chuckle rang through your ears.

"Needy little brat..." His pace was faster yet sloppy and you knew he was close. The bed rocked and the sound of skin against skin filled your ears. Jaehyuns grip on your throat not planning on letting go as you struggled for breath.

"Jaehyun....p-please I'm gonna-"

"If you even dare cum ill beat your ass." That changed your thoughts about even bothering to let go, knowing he wasn't playing around.

Just as you felt like holding it in wasnt enough, Jaehyun was already one step ahead and came inside you, riding out his orgasm with a low groan.

Jaehyun pulled out, removing the ropes from your wrists. They were as red as your thighs and they stung too the touch. Jaehyun, being the nice man he is, even though he was still slighlty mad, took the time to give you after care, applying a cream to your wrists and butt just so the redness would calm down and cleaned up the cum dripping down your thighs.

After all that he laid beside you, embracing you in his arms and kissing the top of your head. "My pretty girl." He muttered against your hair before the both of you drifted off to sleep. Although you were still angry that you couldnt cum.

#nct smut #nct #jung jaehyun #jung jaehyun smut #jaehyun #jaehyun nct #jung jaehyun nct #nct 127 #jaehyun smut #nct dream #wayv #nct u #kpop smut #kpop fluff #kpop angst #nct fluff #nct angst

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yazthebookish · 3 years

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I feel like this shadows discourse will keep on going forever and seeing some readers dismiss his shadows does not sit well with me because they are a fundamental part of who Azriel is.

Shadows different from anything my powers summoned, spoke to. Born in a lightless, airless prison meant to break him. Instead, he had learned its language.

A possible reason to why the shadows vanish around Mor and Elain is:

• While Az is to Mor a dear friend whom she loves, his rage scares her sometimes. She does not accept Azriel wholly because there is a part that scares her. She is a lover of the light, darkness is something she flees from.

As if the first seventeen years of her life, spent in the darkness of the Hewn City, still lurked around her like Az’s shadows.

• Elain sees Azriel from an idealistic perspective, he is her savior and the pleasant companion who sat with her during her lowest moments. She was not exposed to the other parts of Azriel's character, the dark and vicious part. If she did, she will most likely recoil from it. Elain is always associated with sunlight, she needs it, anything related to darkness sucks the life from her.

Every curtain shoved back as far as it could go, to let in as much sun as possible. As if any bit of darkness was abhorrent. As if to chase it away. And seated in a small chair before the sunniest of the windows, her back to us, was Elain.

Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her.

The shadows vanishing ≠ he is feeling at peace

If that's the case then why did his shadows not vanish when he felt at peace after his conversation with Gwyn? Why didn't they vanish when there were scenes of him laughing and teasing?

• When he gave Nesta her gift and she jumped to hug him, the shadows around him were swirling. Isnt it said in the book that both Nesta and Azriel see through one another? She does not fear him or his shadows hence the shadows being comfortable around her.

• The shadows seem to give a more enthusiastic reaction towards Gwyn. Gwyn had seen Azriel in a killing rage, she did not recoil from him. She is perceptive and sees Azriel, she gave Az an opening to leave the ring but instead Az teased her about whether she was dismissing him and she said that she wasn't but she knew that he likes to be alone. She also saw through his lie about the dagger and teased him and then kept the conversation going until he calmed down that he didn't have to take out his frustration in the ring and left to sleep.

His shadows did not even tell him that Gwyn was in the ring and Gwyn smiled at his shadows, no wonder they like her.. she acknowledges them.

And since the shadows seem to be their own sentient being while also connected to Azriel, they seem to vanish particularly around Mor and Elain because they don't see him, not wholly. Remember, these two characters love the sunlight so they may find that the darkness/shadows are abhorrent.

In ACOTAR, darkness ≠ evil/bad.

Linking his shadows to his trauma and how they are the manifestation of everything that he went through is a weak argument simply because Azriel seems fond of them. It does not matter what, Feyre for example, says about them because she is biased and was intimidated by his shadows from the start. What matters here is Azriel's feelings about them and there is no negative notion we get from him about the shadows. Also, Feyre is described to often find the darkness soothing, Rhys is all night and shadows and she finds peace in it unlike Elain who always seeks the sunlight.

In the blinding sun off the turquoise water, his shadows were gone, his face stark and clear. More … human than I had ever seen him. < his shadows are gone most likely because they do not like the sun. This is Feyre POV, she sees him more human than she ever had seen him but newsflash: Azriel is not a human, he is a shadowsinger

Az said, his shadows lingering in the archway, as if fearful of the bright sunlight in the ring. -- A shadow curled around Azriel’s neck, the only one brave enough to face the sunlight..

"But even the silence weighed too heavily, and though the shadows kept him company, as they always had, as they always would, he found himself leaving the room."

Honestly, most of the discourse going on about Azriel's shadows is because of the fact that they never reacted to Elain and when they did they skittered back = recoiled. You can dismiss it but it will remain a fact that they did recoil from her in that scene. Wanting him to be rid of his shadows for Elain is him abandoning his identity and who he is to fit in with someone else. If that is the suggestion then it's safe to assume that Elain won't be able to handle Azriel's darkness. She can't give him the light because she needs someone to give it to her, he doesn't have enough light to sustain himself let alone give to to someone else but he also finds comfort in the shadows.

Which two characters are the most identical? Nesta and Azriel and this is why they understand each other easily. Elain couldn't handle Nesta at her worst, could she handle Azriel and his rage?

Who managed to break through Nesta easily? Gwyn.

Who managed to calm Azriel's rage in one scene Gwyn.

All of this is based on what was present in the books and my own interpretation of the connection of the shadows to these characters.

#acosf #acosf spoilers #gwynriel #azriel #gwyneth berdara

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akajustmerry · 3 years

Note

Wait what’s wrong with the suicide squad 2021?

i'm so glad you asked!

putting harley in a frilly dress, where she sees flowers and daisies while killing people, and having her say benign high one-liners isn't true to her character at all! it's actually just infantilising her while at the same time objectifying her. the way her torture scene was sensually framed made me fucking ill. harley is a person who feels pain, not a manic pixie sexy murder doll. she and i quote, has a phd motherfucker

also sorry but if you think her speech to the duke guy or whatever is groundbreaking just say u didn't see birds of prey.

viola davis was beyond disrespected in the 2021 movie, in fact she was degraded. amanda waller is a fucking authority figure and to have her so violently put down in the 2021 movie was dehumanising and had the added effect of lowering the stakes IMMENSLY for the overall plot. at least in the 2016 movie, the explosive collars were an actual threat.

i cannot express how fucking racist and tone-deaf the 2021 movie is i actually do not even know where to start. how about treating brown ppl as interchangeable and casting a Maori man to play a Portuguese woman's father? how about making up a country and casting non-descript brown resistance fighters from that country just so the protagonists can kill them on mass for a gag with zero consequences? how about another ongoing gag being that no can pronounce the country they're in? for a movie purporting to criticise american military imperialism, it sure is bulging with ugly american imperialist attitudes.

and the tone-deafness? in 2021 you made a movie where a Black woman threatens a Black man by telling him his Black daugher will get raped in prison?? what the FUCK is wrong with people they think that's good writing?

the fucking toilet humour oh my fucking god. whatever you have to say about 2016 movie at least it didn't rely on fucking 69 jokes and dick jokes. at least 2016's humour actually was in the physicality, performances and chemistry between the characters

the plots of 2016/2021 are mostly the same except instead of having a skybeam of death, 2021 had a killer starfish which just looked fucking corny. it wasn't even consistently written?? they pulled them off their face once and those fuckers didn't even try to attack them??

at least the 2016 movie leaned into a sort of honour among misfits theme as a personality for the film. this new movie's whole personality is LOOK HOW HORRIBLE AND VIOLENT THESE PEOPLE ARE ISN'T THAT NIFTY. newsflash: being openly unlikeable isn't what makes characters likeable, a personal code does, which none of these characters had so i didn't give a fuck. again, in the first movie they actually took the time to establish the unique moral codes of each of the characters!!

people saying the 2021 movie was paced better are fucking kidding themselves. this movie is way too long and takes 40 minutes before the main plot even is announced. at least in the 2016 movie they streamlined that with waller's fun profile montage, which again this movie did copy but somehow people think this movie is ✨different ✨

i don't give a fuck about millenial jokes but its a red flag to me if a movie is making a joke at the expense of its major target audience in the first 20 minutes. huge red flag,

idk i could go on and on but there really isn't a single thing this movie improved on. the characters were less interesting, mostly the actors who played them were sleepwalking through their performances, soundtrack sucked, the costumes were awful, the cinematography had way too much exposure and everything about it felt gimmicky in the worst way, king shark wasn't even characterised as the intelligent Atlantis king he is. a fucking waste of time.

this movie had one ONE good moment and that was killing captain boomerang or as i call him captain cultural appropriation.

anyways all of this is a huge reason why I am always sceptical when something is praised en masse for being groundbreaking because it generally means it actually is just appealing to existing horrible tastes.

#the suicide squad #birds of prey #harley quinn #anon #fk this movie

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i8jisoo · 4 years

Text

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

hyunjin x reader | part four of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, lots of cursing (i have a streak), birth, n kkami bein a meanie

↬ notes; ok this might be my fav in the series | 1.5k wc

u and hyunjin actually were broken up when u found out about the pregnancy

u waited (stalled fuck off) until five months since u really didnt know what to do with the news

u kinda feel like ur insane, playing your ex-boyfriends music constantly and watching interviews of him but it kept u company and gave u a reminder that u still needed to tell him

u got this rly cute popped out bump, just rly kinda like those movies but u know its gonna get bigger and grow to have stretch marks

one day ur just sitting on the sofa of your apartment n the next thing u know ur door is being opened and hyunjin is barging in

ofc ur in a sports bras and a pair of basketball shorts cause they r comfortable and shirts r overrated

ur there with set out marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate, as well as peppermint sticks on the side just eating them together

ur in the middle of eating a smore u had put together

u swallow ur smore slowly, sucking on ur fingertips n just staring at him

“oh my fucking god- and it’s true?”

ur honestly so confused until u remember u dont have on a shirt n ur bump is showing

ur standing up in a millisecond, hyunjin getting more upset by the second just looking at u

“why— how? how could you just not tell me?”

baby boy has those angry tears and the strained voice hes just so upset and the guilt is setting in for u

“i’m five and a half months.”

fuck hormones cause next thing u know ur crying and u cant do anything to make it stop

u guys really can’t be mad at each-other, ur relationship was filled with nothing but kindness and it ended only because u two felt it was going no where

ofc u two argued about it and in the end hyunjin was the one who walked out

“we can try again. you can move back in right? we can stay together and put back the pieces.”

u agreed n by the next morning he was there to help u pack ur things up n take them back to his place

he ends up seeing the box of baby stuff, with unopened bottle packages and sonograms, as well as a disc that was labelled as your 3D ultrasound

u find him just sitting there, staring at the black and white sonogram with tears freely falling down his cheeks

he doesn't even notice u next to him until ur thumb swipes the tear away from his cheek

u two just smile at each-other, his arm wrapping around u n pulling u in to his side

“that’s our baby?” he asks, not removing his eyes from the little white blob that barely was the size of a jaw breaker n u just whispered, “yea, it is.”

ur relationship doesn’t exactly get back into what it was at first,,

ur both nervous and cautious around each other

at first he insists he can just sleep on the couch so u can take his bed but u insist u both can sleep together

hyunjin doesn’t mean to but he somehow always winds up with his arm around u n ur bump every morning

he will talk to the bump n tell them how they r gonna have the best mommy n daddy 🥺

“did u know ur mommy is one of my favorite people to be with? i know ur gonna hear the story one day of how we became parents but i have always loved her, even when we weren’t together i loved your mommy. i hope one day you will love someone as much as i love your mommy, i hope you get your mommy’s personality bub.”

ur fake sleeping wbk but u dont move so u can let him talk

around eight months u two are way more comfortable n are getting closer

he lets u borrow his clothes because u used to do that even when u weren’t pregnant and he figured they were more comfortable & better looking than ur maternity outfits 😣

he rly goes the whole nine yards, buying anything u can think of for the baby n he’ll sometimes wake u up from ur sleep (if he’s rly excited) just so he can show u what he bought

hyunjin is in love with u and kkami cuddling together

also when ur due date got closer u both def went out for walks with kkami or played in the dog park with kkami

(u couldn’t really be as active as hyunjin but it was fine with u just watching)

something within hyunjin changes n he just gets so shy n flustered around u ^.^

he’s crushing so hard on u and u can guess he is but then again u two were just living together for the pregnancy

it’s probably three in the morning n hyunjin had just came home

ofc u were crying

a rly cute dog ad was playing with a baby in it as well :(

u explain n hiccup while doing so

hes so s o f t at this moment

he presses a soft kiss to ur lips n ur like wow thats um—

he doesn’t even care how shocked u r this man goes back in for more kisses

“i want you, i wanna be a real family. i wanna one day marry you, have more babies or get other dogs, that’s all i’ve ever wanted since the day we met.”

enywayz u two r dating,, a g a i n

spooning half of the time during ur last few weeks of pregnancy, but the boys come over frequently n for some reason jeongin is always bringing presents?? its cute but u guys RLY didn’t need anymore toys for the baby

u guys r just cuddling n he’s got one hand on ur bump before ur like

“ow,, fuck that hurt.”

“hey don’t swear around the baby!”

u just suppose it’s a hard kick since the baby had been active a lot recently n the pains had been occurring often

kkami is very cuddly today n he’s giving u kisses

hyunjin lowkey jealous cause kkami doesn’t ever give him kisses like that ⸜( ⌓̈ )⸝

yall ever seen the thing where dogs know pregnant people the best n they can like SENSE something goin on??

well kkami was on it

baby kkami is sniffing u n just restless in ur lap n its a lil weird cause kkami is ALWAYS sleeping or sitting still cause kkami has turned as lazy as u n hyunjin

u have this feeling but instead u just tell hyunjin u gotta pee :P

newsflash: u didnt n as soon as u got up, boom, theres ur water breaking and running down ur leg

“it feels gross.”

ur literally whining about ur pants while a baby is coming out of ur ... hooha 😳 n hyunjin is freaking out

he’s rushing around the rooms n making sure everything is in the bag and nothing gets left behind

last thing on his mind is changing ur clothes

though he does, putting u in his baggy sweatshirt and a pair of his shorts

hes freaking out lets be honest the thought of u giving birth is fuckin scary

hyunjin is so out of it and spaced out while ur cool n talking normally with pauses everytime theres a contraction

“aish, why are you so worried? i’m the one that should be worried!!”

ur not cool after an u hit the four hours in labor mark

u do not want to be t o u c h e d

touching u is off limits ur so sweaty n ur body feels like its crumbling u cannot deal with someone holding ur hand or holding u

hyunjin just sits there

hes kinda in a different realm while he stares at the clock on the wall

hes so ready to meet the baby but apparently ur body was exactly 4 centimetres not ready :(

hes just trying to distract u by talking with the boys n his other friends, all of the face timing to talk to the parents to be 🥺

yall r wrapping up a call with jeongin when u have the built up pressure feeling again

he doesn’t even explain to jeongin hes so quickly to hang up n ask u whats wrong

“i— it feels like i have to push.”

he’s already pressing the pretty lil white button on ur bed for the nurses n doctors

they confirm that u indeed r ready to push and that the baby is in position

hyunjin trying to take a peek WHAT A WEIRDO

yall hearing ur baby has a head full of hair and u just give hyunjin this look

like WTF no wonder why u had so much heartburn its because of ur fuckin rapunzel baby daddy

here comes the cries, loud n u just heard the quietest sob from beside u which was hyunjin

“it’s a baby boy, congrats!!”

his lil puppy baby boy 🥺

he had a lil pout like his daddy n his brown locks on top of his head

it was kinda creepy how similar they looked

anyways u dont care ur lil boy is p e r f e c t and nobody could dare tell yall different

u would disagree anyways because thats ur lil pouty baby boy n hes so cute 🥺

“we got a pretty good break-up story right? one for the books.”

he’s got baby boy in his arms bundled up but that doesn’t stop u from smacking his arm before kissing him quickly

“yea, we do.”

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cupcakemolotov · 3 years

Note

Not to be predictable on main but i would read The Shit outta an ice cream murder mystery. Might be the decade i spent scooping but its mostly the fact it would be a ravyn fic. Imma just think about that for a while. :) DeaMariella

I don't have time to really dig into this kind of thing, this exchange is kicking my butt, but here you go! A quick little thing.

“That is a lot of salt, love.” Klaus said mildly, glancing down at the thick line of it that ran just inside the doorway to her home. His eyes lingered on the bag she’d left deliberately next to the door, something like amusement on his face as he leaned back and scanned the line of the windows that had been given a similar treatment of the cute little bungalow she’d bought she'd she moved into town.

Caroline gave him her sweetest smile. “It seems I have a pest problem.”

A hint of a smile creased the corner of his mouth. “That’s a ten pound bag of rock salt, love. However did you find it at this time of year?”

She shrugged. “It's always winter somewhere.”

Klaus leaned forward, not quite breaking the line of her doorway, but close enough she could almost feel the intent radiating off of him. “Hmmm. I suppose it is. Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“No.”

“No?”

She bared her teeth. “You lied to me. There is no Special Agent Klaus Mikaelson of the FBI. He doesn’t exist.”

Instead of trying to lie a second time, he laughed softly. “And how did you learn that?”

“My mom’s a sheriff. I grew up learning all about procedure, and you don’t speak cop. There have been enough missing children's cases and fugitives trying to hide out in the woods of Virginia during her career that she’s got a number of contacts across several agencies. She was more than happy to call in a few favors for me.”

“Well,” he murmured. “That is a little unexpected.”

“Impersonating a federal officer is a serious crime.”

"Ah well, I don't expect them to learn about my little deceptions." Klaus' gaze lowered to the floor and he made another rough sound of amusement. “A line of blessed salt won’t keep me out if I decide I want in, love. Though I applaud your thoroughness.”

“But I bet buckshot will.” She shifted her weight, put more space between them and moved the shotgun into a far more comfortable position. “What do you want, Klaus? If that’s even your real name.”

He grinned at her, boyish and wild, both dimples on display. “You are full of surprises, Caroline Forbes. And I am here exactly as I told you before. I am trying to solve the murders.”

She snorted. “You have a pretty terrible way of going about it. Why don't you try again. You’ve been harassing me because whoever is killing the tourists is fixated on either me or my shop. It's why they’ve been dumping the bodies. And while my ice cream is super awesome, I don't specialize in the taste of humans."

He made a low noise of amusement. "Your recipes are delightful, but it is unlikely that the killer is hoping you turn your shop into a reenactment of Sweeny Todd, the ice cream flavor."

"Interesting that you'd say that, since you seemed perplexed by the killer three days ago. You know, when you were claiming you were uncertain of the cause of death?" She let her voice drip sweetness. "You know, when the mayor had called you in as a favor so it didn't scare away tourists? Newsflash: that didn't work well in Jaws and this is shaping up to suck even more."

“The coroner hasn’t released those details.” He tried to look apologetic, but the amusement in his voice didn’t quite let him. "Officially, the cause of death is unknown."

She gave him a look. “The coroner knows exactly what killed them. Lack of a heart is pretty clear cut.”

His smile widened. “And how do you know that?”

“He was pretty willing to tell me whatever I wanted as long as I promised not to spread it around and I brought him a quart of his favorite peach ice cream and a bottle of whiskey. I think he needed to get it off his chest” She bared her teeth. “Of course, I can’t prove anything, but I don’t need to do I?”

A tip of his head. “It's a bit symbolic, the removal of the heart. Particularly when he is managing it without any sort of trauma to the chest."

“You don’t sound surprised.”

“It’s not my first time dealing with this sort of situation.”

Caroline nodded. “And what sort of situation is that, exactly? And don’t lie to me this time. I am very willing to shoot you, and my mom made sure I could hit what I wanted. As many times as necessary."

The amusement disappeared from his face, the sudden seriousness jarring. “Are you sure you want to know about the monsters in the world, Caroline? This one is hunting you, true, but that doesn't mean you can't return to the safe world you lived in once." His gaze lowered back to the salt. "Where you don't need to salt your doorways and keep your shotgun loaded with rock salt."

“You don't know anything about me. We just proved that, didn't we? There are always monsters in the world,” she said firmly. “Human or not. Whatever secrets you’re keeping are no worse than anything else I've seen."

A thoughtful look, and then whatever had made Klaus Mikaelson human just, disappeared. In its place was a man who looked human, but nothing about him spoke of humanity. The blue of his eyes was a shade she’d never seen before, and there was a tattoo that swept from his temple into the tangle curls of his hair. When he smiled, his teeth were white, and the canines were very sharp. The wind shifted, carrying the scent of the ocean and something she couldn’t name.

“Tell me, Caroline, what do you know of Undine?”

#my fic #klaroline #klaroline drabble #this was so fast #i will probably have to clean it up later #but what do i know #here you go!

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isoscele · 3 years

Text

Lumberjanes Week Day 4/5 - AU Day & OTP Day

Was a day late and a dollar short with my planned Infinity Train AU, so I decided to make it extra Hes/Diane and give you two for the price of one. I don’t know if they’re actually my Lumberjanes OTP, but goddamn are they the most fun to write.

The second most infuriating thing about the Evil Forest Car (as Wren had so optimistically dubbed it) was that the door was absolutely impossible to find.

The most infuriating thing, of course, was its goddamn denizen.

She looked so human that, for a moment, Hes had really thought that they were going to get another member of their sad little party. This fantasy had lasted for most of the day, during which time the denizen had hacked away a cluster of branches and led them to a river of clean water with an unerring sense of direction. She had looked more irritated than afraid, and Hes had suddenly found herself dreaming of getting some actual competence into their group.

But then, of course, Hes had to glance at her hand. For two beautiful seconds, she forgot where they were, forgot that a normal hand was a Bad Sign. Diane had long fingers, well-trimmed nails. Her skin looked smooth, but Hes knew that was kind of a weird thing to think about.

It hit her like a train from the Getting Hit By Trains Car: no number. Not a passenger.

Diane was something else.

For a moment, Hes could only stare, too freaked out to even tell the others. She had no problem with denizens; some were pretty awful, but most that they’d encountered were either pretty neutral or outright benevolent. Barney had even adopted a cat from one of the earlier cars that could do some really weird stuff, but seemingly only when Hes was keeping watch (Hes could now say that she had seen a magical kitten ask who’s going to believe you with just its eyes).

Denizens were like people. Some of them sucked, some of them were great, but a lot of them were just trying to go about their super-weird days. Still, though, Hes had never seen one look as human as Diane did. That was a terrifying thought, that all their cars could be filled with people who acted like passengers but weren’t. Who had motives that Hes was so far from ever understanding.

So she handled the situation in the most graceful way she could think of, which was to stop short in a pile of rotting leaves and yell “Denizen!”

Diane threw her a look of pure loathing. “Dude.”

“Oh dang, where?” Emily scanned the tree line with interest. “I thought I saw a funky-looking squirrel a moment ago, is that it?”

“Um.” Hes glanced, panicked, at Diane, whose mouth was pressed into a thin line. “Um, it’s gone now.”

“I hope it’s another moose,” Mackenzie said reverently.

“If we meet another talking moose, you are not allowed to talk to it,” Wren shot back. “Jeremy would have helped us if you’d just shut up.”

Mackenzie was unapologetic. “He was wrong about hockey teams.”

“--that’s it, I’m going squirrel hunting. Wren, you wanna come squirrel hunting with me?”

“No squirrel hunting,” Hes said, because there was really no world where that didn’t end in fire and tears. “I guess if it . . . wants us to know, it’ll show itself.” She pointedly wasn’t looking at Diane, which wasn’t helped by the fact that Diane was staring at her.

Hes clenched her right hand behind her back. She knew she was making a bad call, and she didn’t need some stupid mathematician train god to tell her so.

Shockingly, they didn’t find the door. Hes, Diane, and Emily were supposed to take watch that night, but Emily went up the nearest tree about six seconds in, so then it was just Hes and Diane and the terrible inscrutable look on Diane’s face.

They were getting nowhere. They were totally lost, and Diane was probably evil and they were all going to die in what was easily the lamest car so far, and it was going to be all Hes’ fault.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she mumbled.

“What is up with you?” Diane said. “Do you hate denizens or not?”

“I don’t hate denizens,” Hes said. “I just think it’s weird that you’re pretending to be something you’re not.”

“I’m not pretending! You’re pretending, keeping your hands shoved in your sweatshirt all the time like you don’t want us to see that you’re, like, quantifiably messed up even though all of you are. And I never said I was a passenger, you just assumed.”

“Yeah, okay,” Hes said. Diane was deflecting. Hes wasn’t hiding anything, her hands just got cold a lot. “But you were acting like--like you want to get out. Like us.”

“Uh, newsflash, I do want to get out.” Diane said. “This car straight-up sucks. But I don’t need your help to do it, by the way, ‘cause I bailed on my original car ages ago. I’m helping you. Out of the goodness of my heart.”

Hes stared at the ground. She hated the cars that looked like places that could really exist. She wanted to go back to the Cotton Candy Car, or the Literally Just a Huge Washing Machine Car, or any of the six Star Trek cars (excluding The Animated Series, because that one was just. So weird). Here, though, it kind of looked like she could pick a direction to walk in and find a ranger station and a place to buy Cool Ranch Doritos and her mom, who was probably really worried about her.

She didn’t know why she couldn’t just wake up the others and tell them that Diane was a denizen. They deserved to know. They probably wouldn’t be huge jerks about it like Hes had been. Maybe it wouldn’t even change anything.

“What car are you from, originally?” Hes said, instead of doing that.

“Why? Trying to take me back?” Diane said, with a snideness that probably hid some real anxiety.

“No! I just--I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about how a denizen like, knows where they are. Or what to do.”

“We know a lot more than you think,” Diane said, which had the dual effect of being genuinely chilling and making Hes feel a little guilty. Then, for whatever reason, Diane softened. “I’m from the Greek Mythology car. I don’t know if you’ve been through it.”

Hes hadn’t, but her capacity for surprise was basically nonexistent at this point. “Sounds kinda nice.”

“Gets old.” Diane picked an acorn from the ground and started throwing it in the air and catching it. Hes tracked its motion with her eyes. “Anywhere would. The only way to do it is the way you guys do. Always moving around.”

Hes curled into the tree. She thought about the constant low-grade snarl of hunger, how much her feet hurt from weeks of walking. How even the fun cars were a little scary, in their own ways. “That gets old, too.”

“Then I guess we’re at an impasse, huh.” Diane flashed her a rare smile. “Only thing you can do is get your number down and get out.”

Hes started. She’d sort of guessed some of that, but confirmation from a denizen was something else. “We can leave? Like, leave-leave?”

“Think so. Not like anyone tells us anything.” Diane was quiet for a long moment--maybe thinking about how leaving was a passenger’s privilege. For her sake, Hes hoped they ran across some really amazing car soon, someplace Diane would be happy. Sarcasm Car. Puppy Car. I-Can’t-Believe-It’s-Not-Earth! Car.

“Well, okay.” Hes watched the acorn, going up and down with a kind of lovely carelessness. “Thanks for helping us, I guess. Sorry for, um. All this.”

“No worries.” Diane turned to face Hes all the way. She had startling eyes. They were altogether probably the most human thing about her, and the rest of her was very human. “Can I tell you something? I think the door is behind the waterfall.”

Hes squeezed her eyes shut. She knew.

Everywhere they went, there was always some catch. Some waterfall, infested with something darker and bigger and more watchful than Hes had the words to describe. The thing about the insane creativity of all these cars was that the horrors were always inarticulable. Bad in ways you had never known anything could be bad.

The waterfall had one slick hand around Hes’ thoughts. It made quiet sounds when none of them were talking, like a low laugh or else a funeral bell. The water seemed very swift and very cold, and behind it there might be a door or there might be something that they would never recover from.

“Maybe you’ll all get out before we have to check,” Diane said, but she didn’t sound hopeful. “What’s your number?”

Hes removed her hand from her sweatshirt pocket and gave it to Diane. Diane turned it over and over, staring at the number as if it had some hidden depth. Hes normally didn’t like people looking at it for too long, like they were just trying to peer through to see what was wrong with her, but she didn’t mind when Diane did it.

And then they were just holding hands, and Hes had to admit that that was pretty nice, too.

#lumberjanes #infinity train #lumberjanes week #my writing

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beauregardlionett · 3 years

Text

all or nothing (it’s a game no one can win)

AO3 Link

Realization was a cold, viscous curl in her gut.

Her thoughts were racing, but they passed through her grasp like wisps of smoke—like illusions. None of them stuck where terror turned her mind into a slippery slope.

Eyes locked on Caleb’s, Beau imagined that his expression of horrified comprehension was mirrored on her own face. Her chest felt tight, ears ringing to where she could barely hear Fjord’s worried questions. His confusion meant little to Beau at the moment.

She and Caleb stood scarcely a foot apart from each other, bare feet planted to the floor and vulnerable in every sense of the word. Dressed in their sleep clothes, chests heaving from the dream—the nightmare. Caleb had torn his shirt off over his head and stood facing her with a naked chest. They had been asleep and still they were marked with those horrid eyes. Beau hypothesized they marked one for death—Lucien had died once already, Molly died, Vess died.

A curse.

Her thoughts were racing, but one clear, overwhelming emotion stuck at the back of her throat. It burned like the brink of nausea—that hint of relief. A sick part of Beau overwhelmingly grateful she wasn’t alone in this. That she had Caleb beside her like always. But she saw the heavy panic settling into the lines of his expression that tore through Beau with guilt.

The rest of the party stirred around them, and the tension snapped in Beau’s chest with all the force of a broken rib.

On instinct, Beau’s eyes flicked to Yasha where she leaned up against the door. She couldn’t face Yasha with this—not yet. Beau still didn’t want to face this, and she was the one with the unwarranted tattoo on her hand.

Seconds after Yasha’s eyes opened, she seemed to understand something was wrong. Jester’s sleepy question only enhanced that sense. Her muffled, “what happened?” against the pillow she pressed into spurred Yasha to shove to her feet, alert already, always a light sleeper.

She wasn’t ready. Beau moved faster than all of them.

Grabbing Caleb’s wrist and his discarded shirt, Beau yanked him from the room. Sleeping in Yasha’s bed had filled her with warmth, a sense of security. Now her fingers felt like they had been left out in the snowbanks of Eiselcross overnight, and her heart along with them. Her skin seemed too tight, too little to contain the frightful chaos underneath. Her breaths came with rapid fervor as she fled like an animal cornered to the worried calls of their friends.

Still clinging to Caleb’s wrist, Beau leapt off the platform into the middle of the tower and they began to ascend.

“Beauregard,” Caleb said tremulously at her shoulder.

“Take us to the eighth floor,” Beau said, her tone sharper than intended. At least it masked the tremor that wracked her chest.

Caleb unlocked the iris that lead to the upper floors with muttered Zemnian that Beau understood but couldn’t process. The contraption slid shut behind them with a soft shink that echoed against Beau’s nerves. Releasing Caleb’s wrist, she slid her hand into his and frantically intertwined their fingers.

“The first door,” Beau whispered. “Where was it?”

Caleb went rigid beside her, but Beau struggled to force her gaze to focus on anything at the moment, to even try looking his way.

They stood shoulder to shoulder in labored silence before Caleb finally took that infinite first step. He led her to a door and pushed it open with heavy intent. Somewhere among the tangle of threads, Beau understood. She just couldn’t seem to parse them apart long enough to comprehend anything beyond the exact second she was living in.

Standing just inside the door, hand in hand, shaken to their core, Beau and Caleb lingered.

Beau closed her eyes and took a deep, unsteady breath. Dairon had told her in one of their training sessions that when she needed to find her center, find a foothold to begin, to start with a breath. Inhale, and look forward.

She breathed in again, deeper and steadier, swore she tasted the salty air of Nicodranas on her tongue. With a tremulous exhale, Beau opened her eyes and latched onto the teacup sitting on the tiny, worn kitchen table. She could scarcely make out a hairline fracture against the lip of the cup in the dim light. There were flowers and vines painted against the fired ceramic, faded with use and more so in spots that welcomed fingerprints.

Caduceus.

The kitchen was stocked with necessities as far as Beau saw, so she inhaled once more and laid out a brief roadmap in her head.

She found purchase.

Turning to Caleb, Beau almost flinched at the expression of hollow dread etched into the exhausted lines of his face. Beau pressed his shirt into his hands and gave Caleb a nudge toward one seat at the table. He sat without protest, but Beau’s palm felt cold and empty without the weight of his presence there.

With a shake of her head, Beau mentally checked off the first step and turned to the kitchen.

A quick heft of the kettle on the counter found it full, so Beau set it over the fire crackling quietly in the hearth and returned to the counters. There was one other mug, faded brown clay that was chipped in so many places Beau was surprised it still held water. A tiny tin box held a scant amount of mint leaves, but it was enough for two mugs of tea.

She worked through the motions of brewing—the way Caduceus had shown her. It was a grounding sort of practice, almost like meditation. Each step required just enough attention to banish all other thoughts from creeping in.

Minutes later, Beau sat across from Caleb and hooked their ankles together beneath the table. Somewhere in Beau’s process, Caleb had attempted to put his shirt back on. He had gotten as far as pulling his arms into the sleeves before giving up, since it sat in his lap, his hands poking through the ends of the sleeves. Two steaming, steeping mugs of tea sat between them, steam curling lazily from the surface.

“This isn’t good,” Beau pressed out, her voice thick in her throat. That hint of nausea still lingered at the back of her tongue, accompanying the sensation of vertigo still spinning in her head from the dream.

“Nein,” Caleb said, voice hoarse.

“What do we do?”

Caleb was silent for a long, suspended moment before, “I don’t know.”

Beau had seen the way his fingers brushed and lingered over the eye on his shoulder, then the scars on his arm back in Yasha’s room. The marks on his arms were paler skin than his usual complexion, raised and puckered slightly—tangible things of torture endured and surmounted. They were evidence of something removed.

The eye against his shoulder was flat, etched and inked into skin with a permanence that neither of them had ever had the privilege or sanctuary of knowing. Beau imagined the mark against the back of her hand felt much the same, but she couldn’t even find the courage to look at her hand again.

With frustrated resignation to their fate, Beau curled the fingers of her left hand around the steaming mug before her and held fast. The weight of the eye on her skin stung like a caustic burn.

Caleb’s eyes flicked to her hand at the movement, his expression doing something complicated before he made a wounded noise. The sound came from the back of his throat, like a creature accepting its fate. He pressed his face into his hands, shirt dangling between his elbows.

“Scars and eyes,” Caleb muttered from behind his fingers before Beau could find her voice. “I’m becoming more and more like our purple friend every day.”

“Shut up,” Beau choked out near immediately, eyes narrowing. Her anger wasn’t for Caleb, but she was angry. At Trent, at Lucien, at everyone that had ever made him and her friends feel inferior, defective, and worthless. “Don’t you dare.”

“Beauregard,” Caleb dropped his hands to his lap again, eyes tired and dark. She hated this expression. “I know you care for me, but be realistic. My appetite for knowledge bears frightening comparison to Lucien’s…” His fingers drifted toward his shoulder, face turning bitter.

“It’s only a matter of time, it seems.”

The anger banished Beau’s haze of panic entirely.

“What about me, then?” Beau bit out at him. He flashed her a look of confusion and Beau released her mug to wave her left hand in his face.

“I’ve got scars and eyes and a need to know everything I have no business in. Am I going to turn into Lucien, too?”

“No,” Caleb said, sounding strangled at the very notion. “No, Beauregard, you’re different.”

“How?” Beau fired back, the furrow of her brow daring Caleb to put himself down in front of her. “Am I different because I’m younger, I’ve got more time to make it right? Is it because I wasn’t manipulated as a child the way you were? Or maybe I’m different because you assume I’m not afraid. Well, newsflash, asshole—I’m fucking terrified.”

Caleb blinked at her, lips parted slightly as he stared.

“We both know I’m blunt and I don’t have a filter,” Beau said by way of preamble. “But if you truly think you’re more like Lucien than you are like me, then your intelligence is fucking wasted. Lucien clings to that book because he wants the power he thinks will come of it. We,” Beau gestured empathetically between them, making the steam from their tea waft in erratic spirals. “Went into that book looking for information, for a foothold to understand. We’re sitting here like this because we don’t want this.”

Beau sucked in a tremulous inhale, her eyes stinging as she glared at Caleb. “So fuck you for implying otherwise.”

Caleb seemed at a loss for words, his jaw snapping shut, a muscle twinging beneath his cheek with the force of it. He looked down at his hands in his lap, tangled in his shirt, and said nothing. Dashing at her traitorous eyes, Beau didn’t even try to be subtle about the tears she furiously wiped away. The silence pulled, and they let it, the crackling logs being devoured by flame an undercurrent of white noise.

“Why are we up here, Beauregard?” Caleb’s haggard voice pushed through the silence between them.

Beau stayed quiet for a beat before answering. She weighed her options, wanting to tell Caleb everything that had been in her head since they were up here earlier. She just wasn’t sure if this was the right time.

The eye on her skin burned, and Beau remembered Fjord’s words from a couple nights before.

Who knows how long we have.

“Because I don’t think Lucien can get up here,” Beau replied to the surface of her tea. She paused and made her choice. “And I needed to tell you I understand now.”

The snap of Caleb’s eyes finding her was palpable, but infinitely more comforting than the stare of that stupid eye from their dream.

“Caduceus said you were going about this the wrong way. Jester said it was a punishment rather than a memory—but this isn’t here as a punishment, is it? You put this here as a reminder, so you don’t forget where you came from. So you don’t forget them. This is here because you’re scared you might forget them the way you forgot those years after you were tricked. You have this here so that it exists because it’s the closest thing you can get to without actually going back. You keep thinking about this past, about what it would cost to go back and fix things.”

She looked up finally, and the jarring lock of Beau’s gaze into Caleb’s previously fixated stare almost threw her. There was desperation to his eyes, a longing sort of hope that Beau might manage to put his way into words.

“I’d give up quite a bit for the chance to fix a few things in the past now, too,” Beau murmured. “So yeah, I understand why you keep this place around, why it’s hard to let go.” She looked around at the simple kitchen, at the cheerful hearth. “Jester’s right, it is a nice house. None of us were trying to judge you or shame you for it, Caleb. But you understand why we were worried before, right? Everything comes at a cost—even the right thing.”

They sat silently for a long moment, staring at each other in the dim. The press of Caleb’s ankles against Beau’s a warm, comforting weight.

“Caduceus asked you if you thought Lucien had a room like this,” Beau whispered. She could all but sense the amount of effort it took for Caleb to not flinch at her words.

“Even if he does, Caleb,” Beau spoke in a measured, firm tone. Her grip around her teacup tightened as she leaned in marginally to keep his gaze on her. “You aren’t like him. And I won’t let you be, either.”

Caleb held her gaze for a lengthy, tenuous moment before he seemed to come to some kind of conclusion. The furrow between his brow eased, and he raised his arms to tug the shirt fully over his head. He scooped up the clay mug before him with a trembling hand. The eye on his shoulder hidden away for now, but Beau’s still glared out at them with red intent.

“So how do we fix this?” Caleb asked, accented and gruff. His ankles pressed with more resolve against Beau’s where they were locked together. “Going forward.”

Hope was not a swell in her chest. Instead, it was the heated comfort of a mug of tea against her palm and Caleb’s warm hand covering her knuckles. His fingers obscured the eye etched into her skin, and Beau could almost pretend for a moment that it wasn’t there at all.

Inhale, and look forward.

#cr #critical role #beauregard lionett #caleb widogast #empire kids #empire siblings #writing #my writing #m9 #c2e122 #i'm just emotional about them okay

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citadelspires · 3 years

Text

Been thinking a lot about gender lately (I say as if I am not always thinking about gender) and I have reached a point where it fully has settled in how much the world and everyone in it is so strictly enforcing the binary in a way that just absolutely sucks, and even infects my own way of thinking despite my being a non-binary individual. Honestly I’ve had a lot of personal revelations about how my own thought processes and such have been rewritten by the binary focus, and since thinking about that and finding those points in myself so I can combat those binary focuses I’ve been so much happier with gender related things and my mental health has been better. So this post is being made in hopes someone else finds it helpful too.

The main point of thinking and realization I’ve been doing is how the binary is so strictly enforced by so many people in so many spaces. That’s the biggest issue honestly. LGBTQ+ people might be reading this and be like “oh yeah it’s so annoying how the Straightsᵀᴹ do that” but like. no. I wish I wish LGBTQ+ spaces didn’t do that. But honestly? In both my own personal experiences and in so many of the ways I’ve seen time and time again the LGBTQ+ community, especially on online spaces, reinforce their own version of the binary, the death grip so many queer people and communities have on the binary view of the world is even worse.

There’s a lot of things I want the general world to handle better when it comes to non-binary gender viewpoints. But in the end, all of those desires are quality of life things, I don’t actually care what they think of me. But the queer community is supposed to be the space where inclusion and acceptance is happening. This is the place where I am expecting to have the fact that gender isn’t binary respected, and to have people act like it. And people really like to think that just saying “oh yeah non-binary people are valid” is doing that. There’s so much more to it.

To be honest this obsession with the binary isn’t even limited to hurting non-binary people, if anything they’re not even the ones getting the worst of it. Really paying attention and actually getting into it I feel like queer spaces, especially online, have created our own brand of purity culture. And it fucking sucks. I’m not just throwing around buzzwords there, it’s seriously happening. There’s a hive mentality of like. A girl needs to always be interested in other girls or femmes and no one else. A boy can only be interested in other boys or mascs or no one else. As if there isn’t so many other ways humans can express themselves and their relationships that are just as queer. And sometimes even the people who are willing to admit that those types of queer relationships exist maintain the obsession with Pure Queer kind of, anything less than the “gayest possible option” (a sentiment that already makes me want to throw up) is inherently lesser. Do y’all know how many people this fucks up?

This hurts nonbinary people

This hurts ace people.

This hurts aro people.

This hurts bi people.

This hurts pan people.

This hurts straight trans people.

It’s fucked up.

And even beyond the scope of relationships the obsession with binary reaches all the way into peoples personal identities, which is where my experiences as a non-binary person really show up in this.

The response to coming out as non-binary is consistently (or at least consistently enough to be deeply unsettling) an expectation that you will choose to be transfemme, transmasc, or a literal perfect balance of androgyny.

We have no obligation to base our gender around the only two people are willing to respect.

The non-binary experience is NOT drawing a line between “Male” and “Female” and then picking a spot to land on. The non-binary experience is vast, three-dimensional, and beautiful. We didn’t stop limiting ourselves to one of the binary options just so we could pick from three or four variations. There are countless genders and options and your relationship with your own gender is something no one else has the right to dictate. Regardless of how it makes people feel, non-binary people are allowed to have genders that cannot and should not be forced into an explanation revolving around its relativity to the binary.

It’s insanely frustrating because as much as there is an expectation for amab nb people to become transfemme/androgynous or afab nb people to become transmasc/androgynous as if nb is just Diet mtf/ftm Trans, even people talking about how “we should respect non-binary people who are comfortable aligning closer to their birth gender” (which, Yeah Of Course We Should) leave out the part where Those Aren’t The Only Three Options.

I’ll be honest. I was born male. When I was questioning my gender and settling on non-binary I defaulted to sprinting in the direction of femme because that just felt like what I was supposed to do. And for a while there it was alright, because I had spent so much time perceiving myself as a male that the perception of femme was fine. But eventually it began to weigh on me, and it began to have all of the problems that being male in the first place had.

I did not escape one binary prison just to lock myself in a different one.

I’m not masc. I’m not femme. I don’t owe you androgyny to your desired specifications. I’m non-binary. When it comes to how I’m non-binary and what that looks like. The only one who gets to decide that is me.

For a long time I hated how I looked. I felt this desire, this Need, for my body to look different, to be different. For many trans people (newsflash non-binary people are trans, get used to it) that’s totally a valid thing! It’s okay to not be comfortable in your body. But for me? At least in terms of my prior desire to change aspects of myself, that desire was motivated by a need to “Look More Non-Binary.” That’s the problem. I’m supposed to need and want all this stuff to have my non-binary card be validated or whatever. But honestly? I’ve had a revelation, I actually don’t really mind my body or how I look. I kinda like it actually. I was so focused on the external certainty that “this is what a non-binary person looks like” I wanted to meet these qualifications without ever really thinking about how I personally felt about them.

Here’s the thing.

There is nothing I will ever be able to do in my entire life that will make me look more non-binary. That entire thought process is laughably backwards.

Non-binary is not something I can change myself to look like.

I already am. Nonbinary looks like me.

#citadel speaks #long post #no seriously #my absolute longest post ever #this has been on my mind lately and I just #really needed to get it out there #gender #non-binary #lgbtq+#trans #listen to non-binary people #listen to trans people #listen to every kind of person I mentioned on that list #the amount of times I see people get mad at and shit on bi or pan people who are dating people of the opposite gender #or in any kind of relationship that isn't strictly 'gay'#it's not laughable and its not funny #because it's fucked as all hell

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